Kiss me like a Cupcake

by Iron Sword

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 3605

The girls are afraid that Pinkie Pie doesn't understand how intimate kissing can be. Can they convince their new human friend James to help a mare out?

Thanks to a botched science experiment at his college, James has found himself in the magical wold of Equestria. Being the only human here has been a strange experience to say the least. The weirdest thing however is when the girls show up demanding he show Pinkie Pie what kissing is all about.

Published 2015-03-05 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-05 19:40:02 UTC

Kiss me like a Cupcake

Author's Note

So I see a lot of people presenting Pinkie Pie as a sexual deviant right off the bat, that she is always down for a good bucking no matter the source.
I decided I didn't like that. Not that she couldn't be. Still, I tired to show her in a more innocent light. She is/was always thinking about making others happy to the point of ignoring her own emotions. Somewhere along the way things got lost in the cake batter.

This is my first attempt at any kind of romance. I'm just hoping I did an okay job.
And as always
I have terrible grammar.
Commas and Semi-colons are the devil.
I'm usually writing into the wee hours of the morning.
I am my own editor, meaning there will be mistakes.

With that, enjoy!

Kiss me like a Cupcake

"No no no Pinkie!" Twilight shouts. "That is NOT the kind of kissing I'm talking about!"

The pink mare tilts her head to the side and, very nearly, upside down in an attempt to process the statement.

"I don't get it Twilight, a kiss, is a kiss, is a kiss, is a kiss, is a ki..mmmmm" Pinkie tries to continue but Twilight forcibly pinches her mouth closed with her hooves, giving off an audible click. If this were to continue, she knew her bubbly friend would be reduced to a broken record for the next few hours.

"Look." Twilight starts over, rubbing her hoof down her face in frustration. "You wouldn't kiss your special somepony the same way you would kiss your mother, would you!?." Twilight asks hopefully, thinking this over obvious statement would finally be the one that got through to that sugar addled brain of hers.

"I mean, you dated Cheese for awhile right? Certainly you kissed him once or twice."

"Well DUH Twilight, of course we kissed. He loved it when we kissed. He smiled, then I smiled, which made him smile and then I smiled some more, then he.." Once again Pinkie found Twilight's hooves clamped over her muzzle.

"So you're telling me in all that time, you felt nothing beyond the... pressure of the kiss? No other emotions? Feelings deep in your heart? Maybe a little lower..." Twilight inquires while blushing, still searching her friend's face for an clue to go on.

Pinkie taps her hoof to her chin for a few seconds before trying to replying. However, for once, she was out of words. Her answer was a shrug and a frown.

"Sorry Twilight, but I have nooo idea what you're talking about. Ponies smile when I kiss them, so kiss them I shall!" She says standing at attention with a hoof over her heart.

Decidedly done with attempting this on her own Twilight stands. "Pinkie Pie. Gather the girls, this calls for an intervention!"

"Ohhh" Pinkie squeals. "An intervention party! Who's it for? I'll have to get cake and ice-cream and..."

Twilight magically levitates Pinkie off the ground bringing her face up to hers. "First the girls, then the party supplies."

James struts down the hall of his new home feeling the cool air on his freshly washed skin. He grabs a hard cider from the fridge and plops on the couch, slouching down as far as he could go without falling off.

"Another day, another bit." He says, talking to his drink before taking a large swig.

Just before he could melt into the couch, never to be seen again, there is a loud knock at his door.

Groaning, he gets up dragging his feet to greet the visitor. He opens it to find his six favorite ponies standing in formation around Pinkie Pie.

"Hello darling. I am so terribly sorry about bothering you so late in the evening but there... oh my." Rarity attempts to explain their purpose for the visit but notices that the usually fully clothed James is now only sporting a pair of boxers and a cider.

A light blush forms on, not just hers, but all the girls cheeks except for Pinkie, who is too busy staring at her favorite brand of cider in his hand.

James realized what they were staring at before breaking for his bedroom, shouting over his shoulder for them to make themselves comfortable. Returning to the living room a few minutes later he finds the girls forming a half circle around his couch with Pinkie sitting in the middle.

"You didn't have to do that Jay, we weren't complaining or anything." Rainbow Dash smirks looking over at her friend. Isn't that right AJ?"

The orange mare looked up in surprise before narrowing her gaze at her unnecessarily bold friend.

"It wasn't unpleasant." She says through gritted teeth. She couldn't tell a lie and Rainbow knew this.

Clearing her throat Twilight speaks up attempting to steer the conversation back on track. "So James, the reason we are here is... we trust you."

James cocks a confused eyebrow. "Uh-huh... Soo six of my friends show up after dark to tell me they trust me?" He says trying to prompt a straight answer from somepony.

"Well," she starts slowly but quickly begins rattling off the back story. "The girls and I have been talking and we couldn't go to Caramel because he has a special somepony. We don't know Dr. Whooves well enough. Big Mac is out of the question. And the others are either too young or too old. We als..."

She tries to continue but James holds up a hand promptly stopping her rant. "Uhh girls, just tell me what you need and I will do my best to help. Okay?" He says wincing with a soft smile.

In unison. (minus the pink mare in the middle) "We need you to kiss Pinkie Pie!"

"Uh-huh" He says again. "Umm, why?"

"So a group of attractive mares comes to your house in the middle of the night, asks you to kiss one of them and you ask why?!" Rainbow asserts. "Are you sure you are attracted to mares?"

Taking this as an insult to his manhood James answers a little too forcefully."Of course I am! You girls are hot!"
Realizing what he just blurted out, although truthful, makes him turn beat red and cast his eyes toward a large knot on his wooden floors.

"Then what's the problem James, chicken?" Rainbow pokes.

"Don't tease him so much Rainbow." The usually quiet Fluttershy chides. "Just because he finds somepony attractive..." She trails off, ducking behind her mane after realizing all eyes were on her. "Doesn't mean..."

"It's not that." James declares, trying to clarify. "It's not that at all. Just like Fluttershy says, kissing is a pretty intimate thing where I'm from. You don't just go around kissing girls.. errr mares, just because you think they are pretty. That's a sure fire way to get slapped or worse." He says grimacing, holding his crotch defensively.

"Exactly our point," Twilight chimes in. "It has recently come to our attention that Pinkie Pie has not made that connection between intimacy and kissing. She does it because it makes ponies smile."

"Sounds a little far fetched but this is Pinkie. And besides, is that a bad thing?" James asks looking at the ever smiling party pony.

"Of course it is darling." Rarity all but shouts. "It is an important step in becoming a grown mare. Intimacy is something every pony should experience and understand. If not, there are some out there that would take advantage of this and..." She pauses looking for the right word. "Exploit them." She finishes by flattening her ears, not liking the taste of those words.

"Which is why we're here sugarcube. We girls talked and we trust ya. Simple as that." Apple Jack says nodding her head. The rest nodding in agreement.

"And you're okay with this Pinkie?" James asks in mild disbelief, still looking at her.

"I'm still not sure what the big deal is big guy but I'm not a mare that ignores her friends" She says smiling up at him her tail slightly wagging.

"And this isn't some elaborate prank?"

"For the love of Celestia it's past my bed time. Just kiss her already!" Rainbow darts behind him using her hooves and wing power to push him next to Pinkie on the couch.

He looks at the still smiling pink mare in front of him then up to the expectant faces of his friends.

"Eh, why the hell not."

He leans in, closing his eyes right before their lips touch. "Bubble gum, she tastes bubble gum." He thinks to himself. He hadn't kissed anyone or anypony since coming to Equestria and the feel of her lips felt wonderful against his. Definitely different from a human girls but it still prompted the same emotions. He kisses her a little harder feeling the all too familiar heat in his cheeks and chest. Although nice something was off, he didn't get the feeling she had the same reactions. Leaning back out of the kiss James wore a confused frown.

"Oh no." Pinkie frowned too upon seeing his face. "Was that not good? Usually ponies smile when getting kisses."

"It's not that Pinkie, did you not feel anything?" James asks still nursing his slightly wounded pride. He was always told he was a really good kisser.

"What do you mean?" She said still frowning, her hair losing a bit of its poof. "I don't know what everypony is talking about." She hangs her head and sniffles. The next words out of her mouth about break his heart.

"James... Am I broken?"

"Oh heavens no Pinkie Pie." He says softly, reaching to embrace her. "You are NOT broken, you are just... different. You are you. You are Pinkie Pie!"
This cheers her up for a few seconds before a frown returns to her face.
"I.." She begins, but her words fail to reach her now quivering lips.

James continued to sit there stroking her not so poofy mane.
"'You ARE different, you ARE Pinkie Pie" He repeats nodding his head. He repeats it under his breath a few more times, the gears in his head turning. He jerks her back holding her at arms length.

"You ARE different." He smiles looking into her watery eyes.

"Okay we get it. She's Pinkie, what does that have to do with anything?" Rainbow Dash asks trying to make sense of the babbling human.

"Everything." He smiles not daring to take his eyes away from Pinkie's.

"You are too special Pinkie." He says giving her shoulders a light squeeze. "We have been going about this whole thing without taking your.. "Pinkieness" into consideration."

One by one, realization dawns on everyone's face.

"It can't be that easy can it?" Twilight ponders under her breath.

"Okay my pink mare, here's the deal. I have a plan but you have to do exactly what I say okay?" James asks, leaning his head in.

"We are going to try again but this time, you are going to kiss me." James felt the scrutiny of the others bearing down upon him. That's your master plan?

James ignores it and continues. "Do you remember the first time we met Pinkie? When I was scared and alone, without a friend in the world and you gave me those lemon cookies fresh out of the oven?"

Upon hearing that Pinkie's ears perked up and a slight curl found its way to her lips.
"Uh-huh, You said they were the best lemon cookies you had ever had."

"And that's still true to this day." He gave her a big smile in return then looked up at the ceiling, searching for the memory. "I remember taking my first bite, it was so soft, the warm dough melted as soon as it hit my lips. They were so light and sweet. And the after taste was like little lemon clouds on my tongue."

She blushed a little at the compliment. She knew she made good cookies but it was still nice to hear somepony say so.

"That is how I want you to kiss me." He says, playfully poking her in the chest.

She looks up in slight confusion and giggles. "Kiss you like a cookie? Well that's just silly Jamesy."

"Silly or not, I want you to think about the texture and taste of that lemon cookie and then kiss me." He says poking his lips. "I will do my best to copy exactly how you kiss me."

"Well okay." She says, still not convinced.

They both take their places in front of one another. Pinkie closes her eyes really tight making her noes scrunch up in a very cute display of focus and she leans in. James keeps his eyes open to make sure they didn't miss and their lips touch once again.

Forget the cookies. James' lips were hit with weaponized sugar. His eyes go wide and he almost loses the kiss but by sheer force of will he holds it. "There is no way she hasn't done this before." He thinks to himself.

Pinkie's lips quiver over his. His hand moves up to her cheek holding it has he tries to move deeper into the kiss. As he does, this causes Pinkie to moan a little into his mouth and move a hoof to his chest. After a few tentative seconds, it could have been hours, her tongue slowly finds its way out and he mimics her, gently touching in the middle. This new sudden sensation causes Pinkie to break the kiss. She sits back, her chest slightly heaving. As she stares into his eyes for seemingly the first time, she moves the hoof from his chest and gingerly places it on her lips.

"What was that?!" She half whispers. .

James stifles a laugh not just at her but the slowly stiffening wings and blushing cheeks of his audience.

"Okay now Pinkie, round two." He says seductively, without going overboard, in an attempt to keep the mood a sensual one.

Looking into her slightly glossed over eyes. "Do you remember last month when you made that uber-chocolate, three layer cake with the thick chocolate frosting?"

She quickly nodded, licking her lips and smiling excitedly.

"I remember too." He says smiling in return. "The cake was so moist, I could barely eat it without a glass of ice cold milk. The frosting stuck to the inside if my lips and I spent the next 20 minutes trying to get it all with my...mmmm!"

Before he could finish his description, Pinkie set upon his lips again. She pressed hard enough for it to almost hurt. Her tongue, now un-caged, freely roamed around his mouth. After the initial shock, James noticed the softness and the undeniable hunger of her lips. Without thinking he reaches up again with both hands and held her face. He couldn't let his hands roam too far; remembering this was for her, not him.. even if he was greatly enjoying himself. In return she wraps both of her forehooves around his neck essentially pulling herself into his lap. She gasped as she turned her head from side to side, searching for the best way to continue her eager assault. Trying as he might, his hand had a mind of its own and it slowly inched up towards her ear, eliciting a pause in her passion and deep moan to escape her lips.
This was a sound she had never heard herself make before and it shocked her back to reality. She broke this kiss, softly biting his lower lip and pulling back, drawing it out before it popped back into place.

Even after the kiss broke, James still had is eyes shut for a few seconds. The words of Pinkie Pie bringing him back down to earth.

"I'm ready for round three." She panted softly. A hue of red dawning her cheeks and a light sweat forming on her brow.

Too focused to look around, he manages an, "O-okay." Words slightly catching in his throat. "I want you to think about your favorite dessert and want you to kiss me like that."

That was all the prompting she needed. She pushed him down on his back straddling over him. James closed his eyes, craving her wonderful lips on his again. Instead, he felt her warm breath on his neck before she gave it a long slow lick. Unconsciously he reached up intertwining his fingers in her mane and squeezed. Her head rocked back, causing their hips to grind against one another's and another groan slipped out of her open mouth. She moves higher on his neck and gives is a play bite.
"Not fair Pinkie Pie" James moans in his head.
Abandoning the plan, he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her into another passionate kiss. Even in the midst of their jostling for kissing dominance, he could feel her lips smiling greedily against his. She was having the time of her life.

Not believing it could get any better, he felt Pinkie's hooves slowly descend his chest and fiddle with the elastic of the pajama pants he had put on. His eyes went wide but before he could decide whether or not he was going to do this, a lavender aura appeared around his companion and lifted her into the air.

"I think that's quite enough Pinkie Pie." Twilight says. Obviously flustered. " And I believe now you understand how intimate kissing can be... Girls?" She says looking around for acknowledgment.

Most of the girls are speechless. Fluttershy is pale and her eyes have shrunk down to pin pricks. Rainbow's wings look painfully stiff. Applejack has her blushing face hidden behind her stetson. Rarity's mouth seems to be rusted open and Twilight's right eye has a very unnatural twitch to it.

Breaking the silence is Rainbow Dash. "What the buck kind of dessert was THAT Pinkie Pie? And where do I get some?!"

"Oh Dashie, you know my favorite dessert is cupcakes." Pinkie says smiling like her normal self, still floating in Twilight's magic.

"Gahhh..." Rarity begins but has to shake words back into her brain. "THAT was a cupcake?"

Confused, Pinkie explains. "Of course it was. First you have to lick the frosting off the top. Then you have to take a little nibble. Then," she says turning her now lust filled gaze back to James. "You have to take off the wrapper to get to the good stuff."

With this James rolled over, attempting to hid, not only, his blush but the member that threatened to pop out of his pajama pants.

Rarity clears her throat, trying to break up the sexual tension in the room. "Well darlings, it's getting late and I do have a store to open in the morning."

"Eeyup, apples ain't gonna pick themselves, I best be gettin' on too."

Fluttershy tries for a sentence but only squawks out "ANIMALS."

"Seriously though Pinks, I gotta get that recipe." Rainbow tires to push the subject but is forced out by the orange earth pony. She's followed closely by Fluttershy, who has to maneuver out of the doorway so as not to get her wings stuck. Rarity looks between the three remaining occupants, smiles awkwardly and trots after her friends.

"We best be going too James, and thank you. You've really helped us out." Twilight said, moving toward the door, floating Pinkie beside her.

"Yeah Jamesy, thank you." Pinkie says sheepishly. "Thank you for not giving up on me. I know I'm a lot different and sometimes difficult than other ponies but you tried your best for me anyways. You are the sweetest stallion I know."

James sits up to look over the back of his couch. "You are very welcome Pinkie Pie. You are a very good kisser." He winks.

She smiles and Twilight nods, walking out his front door and shutting it behind them.

James continued to lay there on his couch for nearly half an hour, trying to digest what had just happened when a sharp knock at his door about made him fall off the couch.

"Sweet Luna who could this be now?" He thought to himself.

He slowly opened the door to find no one there. He poked his head outside to look around but all he saw was the empty streets and hanging lanterns that was Ponyville at night. He figured he was just hearing things, it happened sometimes, when on the verge of awake and sleep but when he turned around he saw a familiar pink pony standing behind him.

He let out a very girlish scream before noticing she was clutching something in her mouth.

"Uhhh Pinkie Pie... What are you doing back here and what is that?"

She didn't says anything. She just smiled and nodded for him to take it.

"This is a menu for Sugar Cube Corner... What are all these boxes next to the desserts?

"A checklist." She said slowly circling behind him dragging her tail across his crotch.

"Checklist?" He gulped.

"Uh-huh." She said slowly.

He opened the menu to look at all the treats. He noticed the last few rows on the last page were all the different kinds of cupcakes. Below that though, there seemed to be something hastily scribbled in crayon with a box next to it. He did his best to make out the terrible hoof writing.
He mouthed the letters.

C-R-E-A-M P-I.....

He looked back in shock to see that Pinkie was staring him in the eyes. She put on a predatory smile, and slowly shut the door.