She's Just Being Pinkie Pie
She's Just Being Pinkie Pie
Author's Note
This takes place before "Pinkie Pride".
She's Just Being Pinkie Pie
The auditorium at Hoofvard University was magnificent. The stage was crafted from the finest mahogany and its crimson curtains from the most priceless fabrics. A large projecting screen hung over the back of it and off to the side was a thin, yet proudly standing podium. Overseeing the whole space was a large, marble dome. And finally, the seats were all cushioned, complementing the luxurious experience of visiting the auditorium. That experience was shared by hundreds of scientists and world leaders that occupied the space's many seats. Among the visitors were the four Equestrian Princesses and the former bearers of the Elements of Harmony.
Before any of the less interested ponies could have gotten bored, an white, old stallion a emerged from behind the black middle curtain and established a firm presence from behind the podium.
"Good morning distinguished guests," he began, "and welcome to this special presentation. I am Libro Savvy— President of the Equestrian Society of Science and Technology— and it is my honor to introduce today's speaker. He is a renown physicist that has contributed countless findings to the field of science. But his latest discovery could very well alter our entire perception on the universe. And with that, I introduce to you Professor Know It All."
The vast auditorium exploded with applause as a green stallion entered through the same black curtain. Although he was slightly younger than Libro, the marks of aging were present. Small wrinkles were scattered across his cheeks, his brown mane had a subtle tint of gray, and his walk was rather slow. But even with his years slowly crawling up to him, he held a well-deserved smile on his face. In front of his mouth was a cordless microphone that was being levitated by his horn. Upon reaching the front of the stage, he stopped and took a gaze at the large audience.
"Thank you, Mr. Savvy. I welcome each and every pony here today to present a breakthrough! I believe that we have finally opened our eyes to the real truth. I also believe that this is but the start of a revolution in how we understand science and our world."
As Know It All spoke, the words "Pinkie Pie Theory" lit up on the projector behind him. Below this title was a picture of the eponymous mare.
"My research began about two years when Nightmare Moon returned."
Princess Luna, who was sitting in the front row, cringed as memories of her corruption flooded her mind. The thought that she once tried to spell chaos to her own country made her sick.
"After the bearers of the Elements of Harmony defeated that spirit and brought back our dear Princess Luna, these six brave ponies all became household names across Equestria. Residents of Ponyville— their hometown— started to become close friends with all six of them, including myself. At the time, I was living in Ponyville doing some independent research. The cities of Canterlot and Manehattan were nice, but I figured a change in scenery would benefit because I love nature.
But I digress. As I started to get to know the bearers, I noticed something odd about one of them. Not in the sense that she has any disease or disorder but something....out of this world.....something that physics and biology would deem impossible."
The next slide showed another large picture of the pink pony.
"The bearer in question is the one for the Element of Laughter: Pinkamena Diane Pie. I have invited Ms. Pie to this presentation today."
Know It All lowered his microphone and squinted his eyes to look into the audience, whose bodies were mostly darkened, "Are you here, Ms. Pie?" he shouted.
"Here I am!" Pinkie screamed, waving her forelegs violently in the air.
"Ah think he can see ya from the front row," Applejack whispered to her.
The loud and kinetic pony was no challenge for Know It All's eyes to see. The mare's enthusiasm was enough to make him smile.
"Why don't you come on up here," he offered.
"Okay!"
Pinkie bunched herself up into a tiny ball and quickly sprung from the cushion. Know It All's eyes saw the pink ball of energy rapidly approaching her. He realized what he had to do and jerked himself to the side. Within a second, Pinkie landed upright exactly where he was standing moments ago. Applause rang out at the marvelous feat of apparent physical strength. Even Knew It All grinned at the sheer exuberance she displayed.
He waited until the applause died down before continuing.
"So Ms. Pie-"
"'Ms. Pie' is too fancy. You can just call me 'Pinkie'!"
"Very well, Pinkie, I started to see you do some rather bizarre things," Know It All said.
"Well....what do you mean?"
"A number of things. Take for instance, your Pinkie Sense! Do you see anypony else that does that?"
Her mind quickly processed all the ponies she knew— all the ponies in Ponyville plus the Princesses and any others she met in other towns. Judging by her vast knowledge banks, it didn't take long to come to a safe conclusion.
"Nopony I've seen has a Pinkie Sense except for me," she replied.
Know It All expected that answer based on his own observations. He then faced the audience before him.
"Now I reckon most of you are wondering what we're talking about here. Well, the Pinkie Sense is a special ability that is held exclusively by Pinkie here."
The projector showed a new slide with a still frame on it.
"It allows her to anticipate events in the immediate future. She can recognize what these events are going to be based on a 'language' of body reflexes and impulses. What I have here is a video of it in action."
He trotted to the side of the stage and watched the projector play the clip.
Pinkie bounced through the streets of Ponyville during what appeared to be midday. Although there were plenty of townsponies on the streets, the pink earth pony was never obscured by the camera's lens.
She stopped. Her poofy tail jerked up and down, each vibration maintaining the same intensity. Almost immediately, she jumped backwards. Afterward, a flower pot came into sight and smashed where Pinkie was just standing. Her tail froze on cue, as if nothing had happened.
***
The camera was zoomed in on Pinkie's ears. It followed them for quite a bit of time with little activity. Finally, they started flopping up and down. Upon noticing this, the camerapony zoomed out and caught the mare hop aside as a wagon passed an obscured mud bank, causing some of it to splatter on the sidewalk. None of it, however, affected Pinkie.
"Now I assure you that these along with my countless other recordings were not choreographed or scripted. They were strictly done for field observation. After I concluded this phase of my research, I informed Pinkie of what I was doing. The first thing she said to me was-"
"You can't, silly! It just happens!" she recited.
"Yes....something along those lines. She also told me that another had attempted to discover the inner workings of the Pinkie Sense with little results. Twilight Sparkle— who would soon become Princess— was not the first one to ask the questions on how such a thing could exist. But even after Pinkie had told me repeatedly that it was impossible, I was not discouraged and carried on anyway.
She did approve of the recordings I did of her and she allowed me to conduct some experiments."
Despite Know It All's clear confidence on the stage, Princess Twilight still had some doubt lingering. She recalled her own failed experiments and wondered how anypony could succeed.
"There were many, many experiments for each of the numerous nuances of the Pinkie Sense, but it wasn't just that. Aside from the Pinkie Sense, there were also other abilities to count for. Things like an earth pony walking on air."
Know It All turned back to see the projector play another video.
Pinkie was stationed on the ground, staring into the camera.
"Alright," the camerapony said, "walk in 3, 2, 1!"
As the '1' rang out, she lept high into the air. Despite this, though, she did not fall. She remained perfectly balanced without any surface to hold her up. Pinkie started to bounce in this state, each time landing on the same level in the air, never faltering.
"Now there may be some skeptics out there. So Pinkie, why don't you do a live demonstration?"
"Absolutely!"
Pinkie walked toward the edge of the stage holding her trademark smile. She stared at her best friends as her legs moved past the edge of the stage but she did not notice that. She continued moving closer to the front row until she was hovering right over them.
"Hi girls!" she said while looking down.
"Hi, Pinkie," Twilight answered.
Pinkie then jerked her head up at the stunned audience. Their looks of disbelief were apparent but she could care less. She rose her foreleg and pointed at Know It All.
"Do you believe him now?" she asked.
Her ears were bombarded by the blast of cheers. Even the bearers— who were accustomed to seeing such feats— were bedazzled by their earth pony friend levitating. The excitement of the auditorium was contagious and caused Pinkie's smile to grow and Know It All's to bud. He stood there proudly even though he had yet to reveal the discovery.
"Yes, yes," he said as the applause finally died down, "the residents of Ponyville are used to seeing that but they do not understand just how significant this really is. Most of them don't even try to explain it. Every time something like that happens, they just say that she's 'just being Pinkie Pie'. And yes, after my research I found that is the case but there's more to it.
I guess it's time to stop beating around the bush then and tell you the truth."
Know It All paused and took one last look at the audience. Every part of his body felt loose, as if it were ready to explode. But in his throat he felt a bulge, something that was restraining him. He knew it wasn't really there, but in his mind, it felt very real. But he managed to swallow the imaginary obstacle and he took a very deep breath.
"Pinkie Pie is a very special pony," he started, "but it was not purely parental genetics that created her."
He paused again. His throat still felt very tight despite his overflowing excitement, but he pressed on.
"Part of her genetic makeup is from.....a higher being."
The auditorium held a very loud silence, one that penetrated Know It All's ears. He was slightly disappointed that there wasn't applause or gasps. He gazed over to Pinkie, who was the only one to show any noticeable exasperation. Looking back at the audience, he continued.
"This higher being is more powerful than the Princesses and any other pony that has walked this planet. It does not operate under the same laws of physics as the ones that govern our universe. Because of this, Pinkie has been blessed with certain abilities by this higher being. Why it would do so to an ordinary pony is currently, however I hope to conduct more research in the future....but....."
He paused to take another deep breath. Never before has he felt so overwhelmed while speaking.
",there is more to my theory. Pinkie has another ability that allows her to communicate with an unseen entity. After doing further research, I have concluded that these entities are from another universe."
Know It All turned back to Pinkie, who was smiling away. Warmth radiated from that grin over to him and allowed him to calm down. He took one last deep breath before speaking again.
"I believe that this higher being may be the creator and ruler of this multiverse. I hope to continue my studies so that I can learn more on the subject but in the meantime, I plan to publish all the work I've compiled thus far."
Using his magic, he levitated a book from the top of the podium and brought it closer to him. It was a decently-sized book— based on the appearance, Twilight assumed it to be about five-hundred pages long.
"This book, Just Being Pinkie Pie goes more in-depth about my experiments and the theories I've put together. It's scheduled to be released to the public next week, however all of you here today will receive a free copy as you exit here today. And with that, I conclude my presentation. Thank you!"
Know It All felt a singe of fear as he said those final words, but he was quickly reassured with a loud approval from the audience. Many visitors stood up to respect the fine stallion. It was those looks of appreciation that made him smile like Pinkie.
"Home at last," Pinkie said softly as she stared at her dark bedroom. She walked over to her dead and plopped down on its soft surface. She thought that exhaustion would have quickly won over her but a sudden urge energized her.
"Oh yeah!" she thought to herself.
Within moments, Pinkie was looking up at a young girl. She wasn't a pony or any other living thing known in the world. Her "mane" was yellow, but Pinkie knew the girl liked to call it "blonde". Her "coat" wasn't a coat at all; the girl called it "skin". And the girl wore clothes every time Pinkie saw her, which she knew other ponies would have called fancy.
"Hi, Rachel!" Pinkie said.
"Hi Pinkie," the girl responded. It didn't take long for her to see the darkness of the pony's room, "can't sleep?"
"Well, maybe. I just got home from a presentation. Some super-smart science pony finally found out about you guys."
"Wow!" Rachel replied, rather astonished, "What does he think of me?"
"Oh, well he doesn't know a lot about you yet, but he said he's going to work super hard to find out."
"That's so cool!"
A similar thought entered Pinkie's head. She immediately assumed it was a relevant thing to say.
"Does anyone else you know that I am real?" the pony asked.
"No, but they see the things that you do on the show. They remember that one time when the screen was turning to black by this circle that was getting smaller and smaller and you squeezed yourself through the circle and said 'Hey, that's what I said!'"
Pinkie giggled at that silly memory.
"Yes, I guess. But you know, sometimes I see them and all I want to do is talk to them, be their friends, play games, and have fun. I feel really bad for those others. At least I've got you."
"You too."
"Good night," Pinkie said as her eyes started to become heavier.
"It's the middle of the day where I am!"
A guffaw escaped the pink pony.
"Alright, then....good afternoon."
"Good night, Pinkie."
The pony yawned and she closed her eyes. A small smile was planted on her face as she drifted off to sleep.
