The Suit, The Umbrella, And The Mare

by Wangan

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 7333

I was once a knight. A protector, not of my nation, but of the world. Impartial to those who shared my birth but a fighter for all. That hasn't changed though my form has. My name? Lanval, and don't you forget it.

Kingsmen: An independent international intelligence agency that operates at the highest level of discretion, forced to rebuild after the event known as ' The Valentine Operation.'

The past seven months had been one clean up mission after another, and every branch, worked overtime. The missions weren’t centered around trying to ensure that the “right” people got into office, but rather that the wrong ones stayed out.

Most agents of the circle didn't survive the initial activation of the device. Those who did found the agency's reach and capabilities severely hobbled and rushed to replenish their numbers and recruiting was no longer segregated to only those with a family name or pedigree behind them... or those only born in Brittan.

That's how a seat of the round, Lanval, was filled by the first American since World War Two.

But this is not the story of her success where others failed, nor is it of her various travels around the world to protect those who are ignorant of the dangers set against their lives.

This story is of her disappearance and the new nation she decided to protect.

This is the story of a zebra with a very nice suit and the attitude to match.

A Kingsman/MLP crossover. Saw the movie, fell in love with the idea. Wanted to use a female agent.

Credit to the artist in the source.

Published 2015-03-15 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-28 18:15:26 UTC

A Missing Knight Of The Round

The mountain village of Onyxstead was one of the rarest sights in Equestria. A abandoned frontier town.

Once a center of gem mining in the north, now a quiet empty set of buildings left in the great exodus after the seemingly endless fountain of natural riches went dry. This was before the discovery of rock farming, that could keep a stable replenishing source of gems. Of course, by the time the needed innovation came around, Onyxstead was already dying. The only thing rock farming could do at that point was staunch the fatal bleeding. The town languished for a few months as ponies packed and left for better pastures before quietly dying and left to rot.

It had been over two hundred years ago when the last pony left.

It was there, among the collapsing faces of storefronts and the sagging roof of the town hall, that the town got it's first visitor in centuries.

A unicorn stallion with a reddish brown coat and black robes, made his way along the empty main thoroughfare, the sounds of wind and creaking wood echoing through the cool air. While Onyxstead was robbed of any material value, its magical worth was, and this was an understatement, beyond comprehension. The husk of a town was standing on one of the purest magical laylines, in Equestria. Second only to the Everfree layline, and he was not going to risk life and limb as well as his freedom. Most of the other lines existed in more populated areas, where the unicorn knew that the current brand of magic he was building would be recognized in an instant.

The sky was cloudy. Perfect for what the unicorn planned to do. He didn't want any prying eyes from pegasi that might have a flight path nearby seeing what he was doing. Quickly, as if he was already on borrowed time, he pulled a piece of chalk from under his cloak and marched up the rotted steps of town hall. With several flashes of his horn and several flicks of his wrist he began building an arcane symbol on the door of the building. To the uneducated eye, it would have look like nothing more than random scribbles but to the unicorn, he was laying the foundation for one of the most powerful spell matrixes he'd ever crafted in his life. The spell would need power, far more than the average unicorn could physically handle. That's why he was here, the layline would do most of the work. All he needed was to give it a little push. It's magic would flow at his direction.

Once the drawing was done, he began to focus his magic on the power beneath the ground and began to draw on it. The power began to flow through him in drops at first and his senses expanded to the point that he no longer aware of his body at all. The cloaked unicorn felt the energy bleed through him more and more until a small creek grew into a sea of power. Like an ocean, the magic contained currents and eddies and, likewise caused his body to glow and pulse in time with it and it focused on one point at the tip of his horn.

Magic flowed around his awareness, allowing him glimpses of the truth of the life that sustained it. He knew the heartbeat of the soil like an earth pony, the joy of flight like a Pegasus, and his understanding of his own magic had grown tenfold. If anypony were to ask him at that moment what true harmony, what a hint of ascendance to alicornhood, felt like, his answer would have been 'Perfect.' In truth, he didn't want to let the power go. He wanted to become part of it or keep it with him at the very least but he knew that such power was not meant for him or any mortal being to hold. It would eat away at the fabric of his body if he tried to contain it. He knew this from harmony itself. He rather sacrifice himself to a goal that was attainable. Slowly and very carefully the unicorn began to focus the power into a cone that covered the spell matrix, all he had to do now was let it...

"DESIST AT ONCE!"

In the midst of this calm, clear ocean, there came a sudden storm of power almost equal to what was singing through his nerves. Firm but not violent. The unicorn touching true harmony spun around so fast that the sheer momentum behind the motion caused the spot wood where his hoof came down to collapse but that didn't matter.

What did was the many figures that now occupied the street before him. Most of them were soldiers, Royal Guards in fact, and he instantly knew their names. Harmony told him who they were. But again, that didn't matter because of the mares at the head of the lines of white and gold. He didn't need the names Harmony whispered to him. Six of the mares were national heroes. He had seen them in the paper multiple times.

Applejack.

Rarity Belle.

Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy.

Pinkie pie.

And the newest Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Speaking of Royalty...

"You will release the layline and surrender for your crimes!" Princess Celestia boomed, her eyes alight with the power of the sun and wings spread wide.

Princess Luna, horn glowing and sabre at her hip already drawn took a threating step forward. "This chase is at an end, Wax Seal."

The unicorn by the name of Wax Seal, knew he should have been afraid. His chances of getting away were nonexistent. He was facing down three alicorns, one of which was the leader of the Elements of Harmony, and an entire division of the best trained ponies on the planet.

He should have been afraid but he wasn't. Harmony sung through him. If it wasn't for that he wouldn't have had the nerve to turn around to his spell. He heard shouts behind him, felt a strong pulse of magic, and the spectrum of color that followed but he didn't care. He released his hold on the magic and funneled it into the matrix. The symbols glowed to his satisfaction before they dimmed and faded out of existence.

Even as he felt his limbs slowly solidify into stone, he smiled in satisfaction and four words left his mouth in a whisper, "All according to plan."

The sigil that Wax created set itself into the laylines, rushing through the very mana of Equestria from the lone town of Onyxstead to the Everfree forest. There the drawing did what it was meant to do, twisting the very laws of the world and reaching out into the void beyond.

It's purpose?

To bring something back with it.

~~~

Italy. Scenic Mountain Parking Lot. 8:45 pm.

The amount of sinking I felt my left foot do, strongly suggested that what I just stepped in wasn't mud. I look down and feel my stomach twist at the sight of horse droppings. "Shit."

"What is it?" I hear Eggsy's voice buzz through the ear piece in my glasses.

My kneejerk reaction is not to tell him but the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I just stepped into a horse patty here in the goddamn parking lot."

Like I expected, his tone get very smug. "And this is news to me why?"

I flip a bird at the line of trees that I know Eggsy is positioned behind. "One, this would make it the second thing that my shoes would have the discomfort to meander into within the last five minutes." I hiss as I turn to the Bentley, unlocking the doors wit my keys. "Two, what the hell is horse shit doing in a summit parking lot in Italy?"

That's the million dollar question. I didn't even know that anyone could ride horses along this highway much less not clean up after them. Nasty. I open the door, scraping my oxfords off in the dirt before I get back into the car to change my shoes.

"Well maybe if you opened your eyes when you walk instead of squinting with that scowl of yours you might be able to see where what you’re about to step on." And here comes the smartass with the extra smug I was expecting. "Open your eyes, Lanval. There’s a whole world out there to see."

"Oh real funny, Gal." I fire back with a mock chuckle and sarcasm of my own. "I’m guffawing here. My sides are splitting like pistachio shells. The Queen herself has declared world peace in order to put all military and scientific research into figuring out just how your lanky ass can contain that amount of funny."

I pause for effect and undo the shoe strings. "Oh, will you look at that. Now she’s broken into giggling fits of hysteria with the rest of the world. Can you hear it? The world is collapsing in on itself from the gratuitous weight of your piss poor attempt at humor."

My ear piece buzzes as Eggsy chuckled. "Please spare me a talk about my sense of humor. The threads of reality would tear, the gods themselves flipping their shit if you ever cracked a real smile. They would break so hard and flip off the handle so dramatically the shock-wave would slingshot our planet into the nearest event horizon in a mutual cartwheel of disbelief. There would be no time for evacuation. The planet would collapse in on itself and crumble like a stale biscuits under a boot while the crumbs are sucked up in the black hole that is your ability to take a joke."

A pause.

"Congrats, Sarah. You just ended life as we know it."

Color me impressed. I thought it would have taken him at least another month to adapt to my brand of snark. Especially considering that I left him speechless multiple times, an act that Merlin thought impossible. I run a few responses through my head as I pull off my shoes and pull a clean pair on, setting the dirty ones in the backseat.

"Well, before that happens I would be more than happy to shove my shoes, nice as they are, down your throat. Gum. Pudding. Spit. Dirt. Cigarette ash. Oil. And shit. This sole is a miasma of flavor just waiting to be comfortably tucked in that huge orifice you call a mouth. Bon appetite, motherfucker."

Before Eggsy can respond, Merlin's voice cuts in and what he says breaks the easy feeling in the air.

Alright you two lovebirds. Cut the chatter. I’m detecting three vehicles nearing the summit. Lanval, are you in position?

I nod as I tighten the knot in my laces. "Ready and waiting."

Galahad?

"In position, looking down the scope."

Alright, I want total silence from here on out. Lanval, gather as much info as you can, during the exchange. Maybe this is the lead we need to find Valentine's source. Galahad, if you see anything suspicious I want you to put down covering fire for Lanval.

"Yes, si...Wait, something's wrong." The sound of Eggsy's sudden surprise is enough to make my heart go cold. I shove the key into the ignition, ready to move at a moments notice.

"What is it?" I ask.

The answer is not what I expected.

"You! You're fuckin' car is glowin' like tree!" I look out at the hood. Nothing.

"What? What are you talking about?"

He's right, get out of the car!

While Eggsy's warning had me confused, Merlin's confirmation of the luminescence of my vehicle now has my attention but before I can open the door suddenly, everything changed.

I don’t know how to describe it. I just know that one blink, I was looking out at the scenic view of an Italian highway parking lot in the evening, and the second blink had me in nothing.. The sudden change in my surroundings was followed by the most gut wrenching wave of nausea I have ever experienced in my life.

I probably would have vomited if not for what happened next. Something came through the car and...smacked into me. Hard. It was enough to snap my head back as if I had been punched yet it didn’t hurt. The only reason why it didn’t, I can guess, is because my body went completely numb upon impact. I never felt anything like it. Imagine running full sprint into a thin wall of clay but less...there, if that makes sense.

No, it probably doesn’t. It would be like trying to describe color to the blind or an itch to someone who can’t feel. It’s impossible to explain.

What I can explain is that I blacked out shortly after.

~~~

In Agent Lanval's place was a simple empty spot of asphalt. The Kingsman Agency with set up an investigation of the area that would yield no results. Footage and audio logs of the failed mission would be stored and review several times at a later date. As for Sarah 'E' Kirkland, she would be listed as missing in action over the course of the investigation before a death certificate was written in her name.

Author's Note

Let's us begin.

Hearing Like I'm Deaf

When awareness came back to me, it shot through my body like a punch to the gut. I half expect to wake up tied to a chair, with about several burly men standing guard around me. You can imagine how relieved I was to find I was still in the car.

Severely rattled and with my heart practically tap dancing in my chest, I lift my hand to wipe my sweat before it hits my eyes and what meets my gaze are stripes. Black and white fur to be specific, is in the place of my peach skin and as I stare at that I slowly realize that my nose is longer, not only that, but it’s the same color as my hand.

I catch a look of myself in the rear view mirror and, I'm not ashamed to say, I screamed. What looks back at me, it’s face mimicking the horror I felt, is a horse woman. No, not just a horse woman, a zebra horse woman. My once blonde hair was now black as night and my eyes were no longer brown but a bright blood red.

As I try to process this, I get the sensation something is wrong with my feet. I can’t feel my toes through my shoes, in fact, my feet feel altogether shorter than they should. My knees don’t even feel right. If I didn’t know any better they’re broken or, at the very least, swollen. I bend my leg under me, expecting at any moment I was about to feel an incredible amount of pain.

Instead, I feel nothing but my knee bending the way it should. I look below the steering wheel and see my feet, or rather where my feet should be. They just stop, coming to an abrupt end, my oxfords now some odd blend between a slipper, boot, and stocking with laces that come to my ankles.

Releasing a breath, I slumped back into my chair. I can't panic now. I can't afford it. I was somewhere and, for all I knew, had a concussion. That was most likely considering what I was hallucinating right now, so taking a nap or panicking was a very bad idea. I quickly tapped on my GPS screen that doubled as panel for the useful gadgets on the car.

This Bentley was a fast ride even before Kingsman got their hands on it. Then it was tuned to make quick escapes in style after taking off the electronic limiter along with adding a few more...special features.

The screen loaded as it powered up...then went blank. I can't help the sigh that leaves my mouth. I'm on a rural road. Guess I shouldn't have expected to get a signal here. Radio's probably out of the question too.

With a sigh, I turned off the GPS and quickly got out of the car to scan my surroundings.
It was now that I realized, I was not only on a dirt road but in a forest and what I thought was a dirt road was nothing but what I could barely call a trail. I blink, the landscape remains. Hell, I'm pretty sure I'm no longer in Europe right now. And if I was... I catch my reflection in the glass. If I was then I would be freakshow of the year.

I made for the trunk, my stomach complaining all the way. I have difficulty walking at first-not from my stomach but from my...hooves?-I have to adjust my balance in a way I've never done before. It's like walking in high heels with the heel removed.

Once I manage to get a decent walk down, I pop open the trunk and give the emergency release tab a pull. What follows is a hydraulic hiss from the false bottom and side panels as they slide open. Every Kingsman vehicle has an armory for use in emergencies and I think this qualified as one. When the panels opened I took stock of what I had.

Two standard pistols with twenty spare clips (10 shots per)
Twenty shotgun shells. (Five each of the four types)
One sniper rifle with five spare clips. (Five shots per)
Two umbrellas.
Two extra pairs of glasses...which looked significantly wider than before.
Five lighters.
One flask.
One wallet.
One spare watch.
And finally a key ring.

Consider me floored, Merlin had stocked me well for my mission. Unusual for such a short term thing. Maybe I was supposed to share with Eggsy or something or maybe he believes in being prepared. Quickly, I undid my suit and holstered one of the pistols under my arm, checking the chamber to see if it was loaded. It was. Two extra clips went into my pocket. Next came the lighter. I was careful with it as I tucked it in my pocket. It had safeties but there was no such thing as being too careful with a grenade.

The last thing I picked up was the umbrella. I spun it in my hand, my usual ritual to test the weight, closed the trunk and get back into the car. As I start the car, it hits me that I only have one choice on the direction to go. Forward. East, if the sun is any indication. With dense brush on each side, road's far too narrow to do even a three point turn, much less a U-turn.

That and a Bentley has no business being on a dirt road.

I winced as the undercarriage scraped when I let off the clutch.

Slowly I drive, trying not to hiss at the bumps and almost painful sounding scraping over bumps and dips in the trail. I top no more that five mph, and even that's pushing it. It takes almost an hour for me to reach to edge of the forest. The path eventually lead to a clearing to what looked like what was hopefully the edge of the forest.

And that's when things go wrong.

Again.

The car comes to such a sudden stop that I nearly slam my head into the dash. I take a few seconds to recover before I get out to see the what just brought me up short.

The front right wheel is wedged perfectly in a ditch deep enough for the right quarter panel to touch the ground. No damage though. Lucky for me. The last thing I need is broken axel. In the midst of my frustration, I feel something brush against my leg. I look behind meoh fuck, I have a tail. I reach around, grab it, and give it a tug. Okay, that is very well attached to me.

Great. I'm lost. Out of contact. Hallucinating. (Maybe?) And....

And I need a tow truck.

I'm screwed five ways to Sunday, aren't I? And God hasn’t even been considerate to give me some lube first.

My eyes scan down the road. Just behind a ridge, I could make out some sort of village. For a distance it was a few thatched roofs and nothing more. I tried to take in the sights of my new surroundings, because by this point I know I'm nowhere near Italy or and rural area in Europe that I've ever seen. In fact, I'm not even sure what continent I'm on. Everything is so...natural. Untainted. That is what's bothering me. My car is stuck just off what could've been a hiking trail and I haven't seen a single piece of litter anywhere.

The town is far too close for this to be a protected area and, now that I'm looking, this well traveled road doesn't have any litter either.

The walk to the town was luckily an uneventful one but when I finally entered into it's outskirts, it was as informative as it was unsettling.

First, the town itself was very quaint. Being a girl from the south I could notice a small town when I saw it and this was the perfect example of it. Well, if it was circa 1800s. Styled in the past as seen by a cartoon. Yeah, cartoon was an apt description. There was rarely a building that didn’t have pink on it.

In the back of my mind, I find it ironic actually.

Lanval, the knight was seduced by a fairy, and here I am now, in a fairytale village as seen by a five year old girl.

Second, I can’t read a single sign. Everyone of them are written in this blend between hieroglyphics and English that flowed together like the smoothest cursive. What I think is a ‘U’ would be a horseshoe on closer inspection. I couldn’t tell a store sign from a restaurant. The only thing I'm sure of is that there is a farmers market a little ways ahead if the stalls are any indication.

Third, and this is the most important fact, there are horse-people everywhere! Some that I thought were birds were flying with wings, some levitating things, all various colors, but all of them horse people. Not a single human being anywhere. “What… the… fuck.” I hear myself say as I examine those around me.

Forget Sunday. My ass is grass until New Years Eve. Forget about trembling, I’m shivering right now.

I’m not hallucinating.

I…

I need to go.

Yeah, go back to the car. Curl up into the fetal position in the backseat and have a quiet psychological episode in the smoothness of rich leather.

I turn slowly to leave the way I came and suddenly blue eyes and pink, a whole lot of it, pop right in front of me.

“Hae! Ya'oi doiln mi-”

In that moment, three things occurred to me.

One, I had no idea what the fuck this pink horse woman was saying.

Two, she was far too close for comfort.

And three, my fist was heading towards her face.

I caught myself and stopped my swing before it struck her, maybe half a foot from her face. I try to withdraw my fist down before anyone sees but the gasps from the horse-people around us tell me I’ve failed..

Pink’s eyes widened, clearly aware of her current predicament as I’m suddenly aware of mine.

I’m not human anymore. I have no idea where I am. I can’t read any of the languages and I can’t understand what they’re saying.

And to add the rotten cherry on this big heaping slice of shit pie on the table that is this situation, I’ve just threatened a citizen. My stomach gives a painful lurch.

I think. For all I know this woman could be some off duty law enforcement officer.

The pink girl takes a step back, from her expression she’s clearly shaken. Okay, maybe not law enforcement. At this point the street has gone still. Everyone and I mean everyone is staring at me. I should get going before the actual police are called.

I turn to walk past the pink horse girl when a blue horse woman with wings and short cut rainbow colored hair in a...jogging track suit of some kind comes right out of the sky and lands right in front of me.

And she’s not happy if the expression is anything to go by.

“Wyen nyi moirg zel nyen? Wisi ha'oi ema'oin na' yaen Paetgaei?” She growls. Definitely not happy, that is an aggressive tone if I’ve ever heard it. That and one of her hard fingertips was currently trying to crack through my chest. I try to walk past her and she pivots just enough to block my way again in response. “Ya'oi'si ta'n ka'aetk ethzyisi, moilnis!!”

It doesn’t make blue happy, I see her frown deepen as she glares at me and her hands curl into fists. This is bad. I’m in no condition to fight right now. Even if it wanted to. I don’t. I want to know where the hell I am. I want to know what the fuck I’ve turned into. As these thoughts run around in my head, I feel a vice squeeze my chest. I need to get the hell out of here. What am I? Where am I? What am I? Where am I? What am I? Where am I?What am I?What am?Wheream?Wherewhat?Wherewhatwherewhat?

I don’t realize I am breathing hard until I feel my chest getting tight. Only the tightness is followed by my stomach doing somersaults and I heave.

I need to get the hell out of here.

I push my way past her and her shout of outrage is followed by a blue hand gripping my shoulder. HARD.

This time I can’t stop myself. I turn and my fist knifes through the air between us. My training takes over halfway through and I really step in to the blow, following through right before it sinks into her face.

Blue falls. I run.

Author's Note

If any of you want to know what the anthro ponies look like click this link or just use your imagination.

Oh and here is Lanval's car.

Hopefully, I can make these chapters longer in the future.

A Diffrent Type Of Cufflink

To Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Packaged with this letter are some of the research notes and personal journal of Wax Stamp. I’m entrusting this valuable evidence to you for your opinion. While I personally wanted your involvement in this case to begin and end with your role as the element of Magic, I’m afraid that the investigation into the purpose of the spell that he used right before being turned to stone has, for now, stalled. A great deal of his notes were encoded. The ones that I have sent are some of the few that could be deciphered at this time. The researchers my sister and I have assigned are making slow but steady progress and we have a select few professors from my school analyzing the results. While we don’t know the purpose of the spell he used or it’s effect it may have on the nation as a whole but we hope to find out what he was planning to do.

Twilight, know that I hate to put this back in front of you after the goosechase that we went through to capture him but any insight you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Yours,

Princess Celestia

P.S. I should also mention you not to stress yourself out over this. We can handle it. I’m asking this as a friend, not as a ruler. If I hear from Spike that you’ve locked yourself away or that you’ve started talking to your reflection, I will personally come down there and take back the evidence I gave you.

“I’m not that bad.” Twilight mumbled from her throne, trying her best not to blush at the post script as Spike finished reading the letter.

“Really?” Spike rolled up the scroll and tucked it under his arm before giving the purple alicorn a flat look. Okay, yeah. She didn’t believe what she said either. “Do I have to bring up the ‘Maze’ incident?”

This time Twilight was certain she blushed. She definitely felt her eye twitch at that disaster being mentioned. “No. You don’t. I get it.”

She tried to get annoyed by the baby dragon’s smug grin but she knew both he and the princess were right. Had that note at the end not been added she probably would have done just that verbatim. Sure there would have been a slow progression but it would have happened until sompony snapped her out of it.

Spike put what came with the letter next to her and with a quick ‘I’ll go see how the library is coming along’ left the room.

She looked at the folder on her armrest and the small red cover book on top it. Wax Stamp. On the pony himself, she had no idea what to really think of him. He had once been a professor at Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, a published author which she personally enjoyed-she had read his Theorem of Thumatic Layers several times-and if memory served he even taught her classes once as a substitute.

According to friends and family, he was happy and he was successful. Even they couldn’t figure out what provoked the insanity that led to him breaking into the Royal Canterlot Archives and stealing several scrolls from the Starswirl Wing, something that hadn’t been done since her time travel debacle a few years back. A crime that would have lead to a few weeks in the dungeon at worst but things went crazier from there. A month long chase through every small town and off the beaten path bit of wilderness there was, ended with him using the very fabric of what made up the planet to do...something. She hadn’t gotten a proper look at whatever symbol he had been drawing when they caught up with him and it disappeared right after he activated it, moving away far too fast to trace.

That had been a week ago.

Whatever it was meant to do…

She shook her head and opened the file. This would be simple. Just look through what she was given and write a letter back on what her thoughts were.

She could do th-

“TWILIGHT!”

“TWI!”

Twilight jumped at the sound of her name as Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash respectively came running into the throne room. The latter of which had a large burse swelling her left cheek.

"Oh my gosh!" The alicorn was on her hooves in seconds, hurrying toward the pair. "Dash, what happened?!"

"Somepony sucker punched me is what." The flyer growled.

"Actually somezebra." A voice corrected.

Twilight looked past Pinkie and Rainbow to see Rarity walking in, looking like she had tried and failed to run the Falling of the Leaves in a full sprint. "I came to see if you were alright, Dash. After what I saw-"

"You saw that?" The pegasus' cut in, eyes going wide. "How?"

"I was heading to Quills and Sofas. Practically the whole market saw it, dear. It was not hard to miss." While Rainbow groaned, the white unicorn took a few deep breaths as she pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket. "Oh my, I forgot how fast you and Pinkie can be when you want to."

"Wait!" Twilight focused back on Rainbow. "Zebra? Are you telling me that Zecora did this to you?"

Pinkie shook her head. "Nope. My Pinkie sense told me somepony new was was going to be in town and I took a break from Surgarcube corner to see them. I saw a zebra I had never seen before. I thought she might be related to Zecora so I was about to pull out my welcome wagon for her when..." The usually excited earth pony faded as if unsure how to finish her sentence. However Rainbow Dash quickly finished it for her.

"She nearly clocked Pinkie in the face!" She half-yelled before hissing and clutching at her swelling face. "Then got me square in the cheek when I tried to stop her."

For Twilight, she was hearing an impossibility. Somepony attacking Pinkie Pie? For no reason? Again her thoughts were brought up short.

"I can attest to that, Darling." Rarity confirmed with a nod. "Plus I know for a fact Zecora was not in town today. Applejack told me she scheduled a meeting at her hut. Something about a potion for Applebloom's sore throat."

She then coughed and tacked on at the end. "And...she was dressed rather nicely considering Zecora's usual attire."

"Of course." The blue Pegasus groaned in exasperation. "That would be what you noticed."

Twilight cut off Rarity before she had a chance to respond. "So is she still in town?"

"No she isn't. Took off out of town after sucker punching me."

"Which direction?"

There was a moment of heavy silence before Rainbow's eyes widened slightly. "Towards...Fluttershy's house." No sooner had the words left her mouth that her eyes narrowed in anger.

"Then I suggest we check up on her. Just in case." Twilight said turning to the white unicorn. "Rarity, could you stay in town and keep a look out for this mare?"

Rarity nodded. "I can."

"Pinkie, Rainbow. You two come with me. We'll gather up the local guard just in case." Twilight finished.

Rainbow Dash flared her wings in response, ready to take off at a moments notice. "Alright."

"She looked so scared." The words that left Pinkie's undercut Twilight for a moment and she looked back at the party pony. Even Rainbow's wings drooped a bit in shock.

"What do you mean?"

"When I saw her face, she looked scared. Not the Nightmare Night fun scared but the facing down a dragon kind of scared. Like I was going to eat her." Pinkie's voice lowered to a mumble. "Nopony's ever looked at me like that before."

~~~~

If there was one thing Hollywood got right in Apocalypse movies, it was that fear was one of the keystones in humanity's destruction. When you tell a huge population of people that they’re going to die and nothing they can do will prevent it....the worst elements of humanity WILL come out. Especially when people are scared and I couldn't be more terrified than I was right now.

I sprinted like my life was on the line all the way back to my car. I threw open the door in the backseat and all but jumped inside, slamming the door shut behind me. I shake as I pull my cellphone out of my pocket. It's so bad that I can barely make out the 'No Service' where my bars should be.

"Fuck!"

I tap the side of my glasses and static greets my ear when the radio inside activates. "Merlin?" I practically beg, as if my plea will suddenly cause bald brilliant bastard to suddenly pick up and say 'Hello.' I tap them again to turn the radio off.

In the midst of my breakdown a disturbing fact comes to me, out of all the colors of horse people I saw, I didn't see anyone like me.

I was the only one with black and white stripes. I didn't see a single other zebra there. A small town, that looked like a time capsule from the 1800s. No zebra around. My mind began to make disturbing parallels between my world and this...place I was now. Zebra live in Africa and maybe...just maybe history was similar here too.

The thought sobers me up from my panic real fucking quick. For all I know, there is now either a lynch mob or slave hunters coming after me for striking a regular citizen. My stomach gives a violent flip again.

I need to hide. Quickly, I get out of the car and begin grabbing every bit of free foliage I can from my surroundings and begin camouflaging my car. It's only just behind the thicket of the forest and the canopy offers enough shade but I can't take any chances, if I do get captured I want to know exactly where everything is when I escape. I use a few spare branches to sweep away the hoofprints leading to my position.

Once the car is hidden enough, I pop the trunk, grab the sniper rifle, and take a knee behind the nearest bush. I aim towards the town, looking down the scope to observe the road that had been my escape route.

Just in time. I see movement crest the hill and...I'm in trouble. There is a line of seven pure white horse men and women, decked out in gold-looking armor. It can't be real gold because that stuff holds up to a bullet slightly better than tinfoil around a baked potato. My stomach flips as they get closer and I get a better look at them. They look very official. I'm guessing military police, at the very least.

At the head of the group are three horse women, two of which I recognize. Pink and Blue, skipping and hovering respectively, are followed by a type I didn't notice in town. She is a light shade of lavender, dark purple hair with a pink stripe parting her bangs. She had both wings and a horn. Judging by the way the guards held a close formation around them as they march, its clear that all three are very important.

Which means that I have royally screwed the pooch, if I struck and threatened, not one but two instated officials.

I do think this is payback for my father. The bigoted asshole that he was. His thinking was so backward, he might as well been a manual stuck in reverse with the clutch missing.

Shit. If I'm right and this is some kind of fucked up familial karma, and I pray to God I'm not, I will curse that man even more than I already do. The fact that the law enforcement is all white, doesn't help things either. I'm actually tempted to start picking the guards off from here but then I'm reminded that they could very well comb this forest for me if dead bodies started to pile up. I need to gather information first before anyone started dying. I quickly go back to the trunk, remove the scope, tuck the rifle away, and get my umbrella from the backseat before heading back to my spot by the road. At this point they're close enough, that I can see their faces. Pink looks like, she's on some kind of field trip, Purple is turned to her in conversation and Blue...that bruise is swelling up quite badly. And by the sour look on her face, she, out of anyone, won't be forgetting me any time soon.

I watch them pass, deep in conversation as they walk. I wait until they're a ways in the distance before I make my way back towards town, keeping close to the tree line.

Walking, the path I carve along the border of the forest curved away from the main road. To the east, the canopy above has grown in so thick that the forest floor is in a perpetual twilight. To the north, strange, reddish trees clash with blue flowers all varieties of colored lichens. I decide to keep my distance from the fauna. My allergies are bad enough without extra aggravation.

Finally, I reach an area where I can truly see the town and surrounding area. Close enough to make observations but far enough away that I won't be easily seen. I pull the scope out of my pocket, as well as a notepad and pen out of my suit, and begin to take notes.

First thing that's clear to me is the castle smack dab across town and from the glittering I can tell that isn't stone. Crystal maybe? If it is that thing must have taken a lot of tax dollars to build. That and millions of hours of labor. Damn thing looks like it was carved to make the castle seem like it was growing out of a tree. But for a castle, the rest of the area is...underwhelming. The village is quite small. I would think a place considered important enough to have a castle that expensive built there would be a bit more developed. More city like at the very least.
I take note of the much smaller buildings and the people around them. The place seems to be built around a central area. The second largest building must be important. Maybe town hall? I would have to figure that out later because I can see the flying ones moving clouds with their hands.

Moving clouds. With their hands.

And further examination of the town makes clear to me that I was indeed not hallucinating. The horned ones can indeed levitate things around them. Or there is a bad infestation of poltergeists in this town. Guess which one sounds the most sane? "Sane' being the most general term I can use right now.

Lots of mathematics are being broken over these horse people's knees right now. How I don't have an aneurysm right then is a miracle unto itself. I stuff the scope in my pocket and sketch out a vague map from what I observe. It's crude as crude gets but it will have to do until I can get myself and actual map.

I finish and tuck everything away only to be bent double as my stomach churns. A single dry heave turns into a cough and that cough doesn't stop.

I hack and wheeze into my hand for a solid thirty seconds nonstop and when I pull away, the fluid covering my palm feels too thick and looks far too red to be phlegm or saliva.

Snap.

Oh shit.

Oh, you've got to be fucking joking. The noise behind me sounds exactly like he last thing I need right now. I turn around to see, just behind me, another horse girl. Orange this time with freckles. Wearing jeans and plaid and a hat pulled right out of a Clint Eastwood movie.

Yeah, okay.

She looks at me confused at first but when she leans in she must get a better look at me because her face get pale and she gasps. My appearance has unnerved her no doubt. Hell, it was probably my coughing that attracted her. She has to swallow before she speaks.

"Asi...esi hoiy a'geh?"

Well, I can't understand her. No surprise. What is surprising is the fact that her accent is thick. Southern like mine when I loose my temper. Never thought I would hear another language paired up with that voice. It gives me something before my stomach kick starts the coughing again.

This time though everything is burning. My belly, my chest, my throat, even my goddamn ears are burning like fire ants under my skin. I hear the woman say something else but the pain is just excruciating. I don't have the brain cells to devote to agony and someone else speaking.

The coughs don't let up and it gets harder and harder for me to breathe. By now most of the coughing source is from this cycle of breathing in some of the blood I can't get out of my mouth fast enough before the next inhale.

The ground begins to list sideways.

I pass out before I hit the ground.

Author's Note

Goddamn, this took awhile. I'm only barely proud of it. I might edit this thing later but I've left you all waiting long enough.