The Birds and the Changelings 2: Piplectric Boogaloo

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Pipsqueak, Sunset Shimmer, Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1892

When a colt gets his answer to "where do babies come from?" he's fine. He doesn't need any more answers on the topic... Except when he gets pulled into another world. In that case, he wonders where human babies come from.

When a colt gets his answer to "where do babies come from?" he's fine. He doesn't need any more answers on the topic... Except when he gets pulled into another world. In that case, he wonders where human babies come from. But, by now the mom is burnt out on the question, and the dad didn't want to answer in the first place. So, it's up to someone native... The sister.

A companion piece to Know Your Mare.

Published 2019-03-12 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-12 20:30:01 UTC

Some like their cucumbers... Pickled

Canterlot Academy. To the untrained eye, it is your run-of-the-mill facility dedicated to education; where you send your darling daughters and dashing sons to prepare them for their next stage in life. However, ask the students as well as the travelers between worlds, and you'd get a vastly different answer. They would tell you that it was a run-of-the-mill facility dedicated to education where you send your daughter or sons to prepare them for the next step of their life that's magical. While it was not always that way, the magical cliff-note now in their brochures was instated when a pony princess pursued a renegade unicorn and blew the front door of the school off; though, not before enlisting a group of five other girls into her mystical-magical, color-coded alignment chart based around fundamental characteristics that somehow manifest into laser beams.

Hearing that, it sounds farfetched--ludicrous even. But ask any member of the student body or faculty and they'll just tell you "Tuesday's Tuesday, what can you do?". They are a people desensitized by teen rock-bands sprouting wings and summoning astral-projected super horses, portals being ripped through reality itself, and perfectly choreographed musical numbers without even a day of practiced. In essence, it would all be complete insanity impossible to be believed; but it's simply the norm now. To the point that nobody bats an eye when people walk in and out of the marble statue sitting in the front courtyard.

That? Of course that happens. How else is the pony princess supposed to come into our world to check on her friends that apparently look like exact copies of her own friends in her world, or to see her doppelgänger on this side? Because why not? Why question anything at that point?

To that end of nobody paying world-travelers any mind, it makes for the perfect 'vacation spot' for the very unicorn that started this insanity when she simply wants to escape the drudgery of her life. It's a tonic to the soul to exchange walking on four legs to just walking on two; something that does take some adjusting to. After spending weeks to months listening to her found-family carry on about 'world domination' this, and 'anarchy that they'll run' that, getting as spatially away from them couldn't be any better...

Except for perhaps bringing along her dear Pipsqueak. The precocious scamp can only benefit from experiencing another way of life. While Sunset Shimmer would not openly admit it, she did worry about the small colt. And, as of late, he had been acting curious... With any hope, the trip would do them both some good.

Left hoof, right hoof, left hoof, right hoof, left hoof, right foot, left foot... A predictable mantra, but an effective one as Sunset Shimmer walked from one plane to the next. Hooves were swapped out for feet dressed in shoes, and a bare coat was turned to flesh covered by a leather coat; a shift she had grown used to after the dozen or so passes through the gate she had made.

"Wooow, good to get off my hooves," Sunset reached for the morning sky with a stretch, letting her familiar human form readjust.

"Ain' it the same as bein' on ya' legs?" the young voice of Pipsqueak chirped up as he finished his own venture through the statue's gateway.

Turning to look at her small companion, Sunset took the briefest of moments to really drink in Pipsqueak's altered form. She couldn't recall ever meeting "Pip" on this side, and it was rare to get him over here herself. Still, he looked as one would expect so far as she could tell. Tiny dress shirt tucked into doll-size pants, same old muddled hair, and his trademark spot over his eye. By all accounts it was just 'human' Pip, which was just as adorable as pony Pip.

"It's different, Pip," Sunset started, "Humans are built far different than ponies--obviously. I mean, just coming over here shaves off about a hundred pounds for me," the elder snorted a laugh at her own comment.

"D'aww, don' knock ya'self! Ya' dunna' need tae' loose a pound!"

"I wasn't saying--" Sunset caught herself s she felt flames tickle against her cheeks, "...It's just an anatomy thing. Ponies are just naturally more bulky than humans," slipping her way over to the main stairwell leading to the school, Sunset Shimmer settled herself down and made a pat for her cohort to join her.

Sunset made it all look so easy. One foot in front of the other on straw-thin noodles? A good gust of wind could snap these things like yesterday's twig! Yet somehow these humans pranced about like it was nothing; there was even a few running around in a nearby field kicking with these sticks. Pipsqueak took a breath and started his way over to Sunset with as much grace as one would expect from baby's-first-steps. Wide, sweepings steps that would look unnatural even in Equestria, followed by skittering hops in some attempt to mimic another pair of feet were trailing behind him. It took Sunset Shimmer's greatest force of will not to just burst into laughter or make cooing sounds at the adorable display.

When Pipsqueak finally did find refuge in his offered spot beside Sunset, he smiled proudly at her. "See dat? Didnae' fall once!"

"No, you certainly did not," Sunset scuffled the boy's hair down.

"Oh! Tell me more a'out humans an' ponies!" Pipsqueak tried to bat Sunset's hand off his head as he voiced his request.

"Sure, why not? Lets see here..." Thinking deep into her extensive knowledge of humans after that one semester of required "Health", Sunset was ready to spin an excellent yarn, "Well, obviously I told you about how bulky ponies are compared to humans. And you can see the basic idea that that humans and ponies are very different physically."

That was a pretty clear thing to see. Walking on two legs, fingers, no fur except on their head... Right?

"But there are a lot of social difference as well. For example, in pony culture it's considered strange to keep certain animals as pets. But heeeeeeeyaaaaAAAH!" Sunset Shimmer's intricate explanation on the difference between the two species was cut short as she looked to see Pipsqueak lifting the hem of his pants to take a gander at what's beneath in broad daylight in front of a school.

With great agility, Sunset snatched the boy's hand from his pants before scanning over the courtyard. No... Nobody saw that. She still had some credibility in this world; how quickly that would fall if she was seen with 'the Crotch Goblin'. "Pip, what're you doing?!" Despite nobody being general near them, Sunset still hissed out her question as quiet as she could.

"Ya' said ponies an' humans were real differen'," Pipsqueak responded with his doe-like eyes that somehow stuck with him between worlds, "Was checkin' if ah' lost me hair down between ma' legs."

"That's just...! You can't...! First, no. No, you don't hair down there anymore. I mean, some guys do and so do some girls, but that's a totally different--" This is NOT the kind of talk I'm supposed to be having on my day off!

"Do you?"

Oh, my sweet Celestia. "You can't ask people that, Pip! It's extremely rude." Divert the question!

"It is? Wot for? Ain' it normal?"

"I mean, yes, it is normal. But... See... Humans are a lot more... self-conscious. Humans wear clothes around-the-clock to keep up modesty, while ponies go around in the buff almost twenty-four-seven." This was a headache to be sure, but she knows how to handle incessant questions; she's dealt with Pinkie.

"Ohhhh..." Good, he at least understands the basic principle of-- "So humans don' like their willies an' vaginas out?"

Why do you test me, Celestia? "Where did you learn to--it was Chrysalis, wasn't is?" A nod to confirm it, of course, "Y-Yeah. Humans don't like their bits hanging out. It's... distracting."

"Why do ponies do it then? Ah' ain' afraid'a no willy!" Pipsqueak jabbed off at the open air, ready to beat some imaginary speed bag.

Sunset Shimmer was without a 'speed bag' herself, but she still flinched on instinct from the motion. "Remember what I said about differences in how we are socially? That's a big one. Look... Humans are just..." There was that burning sensation again against her face, "They're weird, alright Pip? They're just weird. All humans think about is sex, sex, sex. And if they had pussies and dicks flopping about everywhere, they'd be doing it in the streets. In that way, ponies have more sense. There, you happy?"

For a moment there was an almost enjoyable stillness between them. Pipsqueak looked off towards the courtyard, watching a few distant students pass this way and that, occasionally stopping to have a few words with a friend. Sunset herself took the moment to catch her breath after her brief explosion. Sometimes though, you just have to lay it all out on the table for someone to get it.

"...What's a pussy an' dick?" The stairs themselves could have swallowed Sunset Shimmer whole that second and it would have been a more favorable option than hearing Pipsqueak speak such a question.

Oh... I'm going to get chewed out when I get home. "Don't go repeating that! I was just in the moment. It's what adults call their 'willies' and vaginas."

"Oh... Do ya' need a pussy and dick to do sex?"

Spiraling. The world was spiraling away faster than Rarity burned through thread. But, wait... "Pipsqueak... Do you know what sex is?"

In that moment, Pipsqueak looked at Sunset for a long, agonizing moment. But the moment the wide-eyed child tilted his head, Sunset felt the flames licking her cheeks once more. "What's sex?"

"Well..." Is it better that I'm having to give the talk over Chrysy? Or--Celestia forbid--Discord? "Sex is how everyone makes babies. Usually, a boy puts his... willy... into a girl's vagina... Then some other stuff happens, and..." Sunset clapped her clammy hands together, regretting the sound with a shock, "You've got yourself a baby."

The most basic, Plain-Jane, sterilized explanation of sex was the best Sunset Shimmer could muster in that moment. While at this point not entirely unfamiliar with the practice on either side of the worlds, there always came with the idea a distinct uncomfortableness about discussing it openly. With a glance about the yard, it seemed that nobody had keyed in on the two of them: a curious child and a franticly sweating teen. It probably looked almost normal on the outside. If only they knew. This is what happens when you are both sheltered from traditional living, and exposed to the most abstract and depraved like it is normal.

"Wow! That's 'ow babies are made?" Pipsqueak's eyes sparkled with wonder.

"Yeah..." Some level of calm start to trickle through Sunset's shoulders, "Yeah that's the basic gist of it."

"So if ah' put me willy in your--!" WHAM! Pipsqueak didn't even have a chance to finish his question before Sunset shot across the field like a bullet and threw herself through the portal; only the steady stream of her screams declaring her escape from this reality.

"Huh... Guess I'll ask Chrysy when I get 'ome."