I wake up in pain. Uuug what is that feeling in my chest?
Wait. I woke up. I wasn't supposed to wake up. Godamnit Ditzy you cant even kill yourself right!
Tears are welling up in my eyes. Actually, my eyes aren't even open, I might as well see where I am.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes, are big, round, beautiful ruby eyes staring back at me. Who the hell is this?
"Thank Celestia! your awake!" Whoever was watching over me a second ago, scoops me up and embraces me in a giant bear hug. Who is this and what is she doing here? Wctually where is here?
Wefore I can say anything, a riveting pain shoots through my chest. I suck in a lot of air. The mysterious pony drops me "Ohmygosh I'm so sorry!"
Now that she's let me go from her embrace I can see her now. Stunning rainbow hair, a slick blue coat, majestic wings and... the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen!
I stop my starring and muster up the courage to ask what's going on "W-who are you? and where the hell am I?"
The ponies Eyes widened like she just remembered something "That doesn't matter. What the hell kind of stunt do you thing you were pulling up there?!" She sounded genuinely upset "If hadn't been flying in the area then you would have bled to death and nopony would have even known!" She WAS upset. She was even starting to cry.
I didn't know what to say "Do I know you?"
"Does it even matter?" She replied "You could have died!" She hugged me again, this time more gentle, and mindful of my wound.
"That was kind of the point" I mumbled back, still upset that my suicide attempt had failed.
"Wait, you mean... you tried to kill yourself?" Why was she so confused? Had she not heard of me before? Certainly my infamy has reached all ends of ponyville. "Why's a beautiful mare like you trying to do something like that?"
Beautiful, she said i was beautiful. I was shocked, stunned, almost speechless, almost "Y-you... you think I'm beautiful?" Now I was crying. Nopony had called me beautiful except for two people, one being my mother.
"Absolutely! What I wouldn't do for golden hair like yours, and your eyes are just so cute!" She thinks my eyes are cute! I think she's crazy, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the attention.
All tears aside, and in a much better mood, I decided to make conversation "Could you tell me your name?"
She put a hoof over her face "Gosh I'm such an egghead" She extended her hoof to me "My names RainbowDash, but you can call me rainbow, and yours is?"
I gladly excepted her hoof "Names Ditzy Doo!" I said that with the most pride since my mother died. People made fun of me for my name too.
"Well you've been out for almost a week! The doctor said once you wake up you are free to go, besides the checkups every other day"
A week! I had been asleep for a week. I'd been here for a week but how long had rainbow been here? That's not really important.
"We couldn't seem to find anypony who knew you so I suppose I will be escorting you home. Oh and by the way I filled out all the paper work and paid the medical bill, all you need to do is sign your name at the front desk"
I just smiled. I don't even know this blue Pegasus, besides meeting her a few moments ago and she still cares for me more then anypony I've ever known, besides my mother. Why is she doing this? Does she know who I am? Does she know how hard it is to even be in the presence of a mistake like me? For now I don't care.
Rainbow had to wheel me out in a wheelchair (Which is stupid since I have to walk the rest of the way anyway) "So" She said in her chill voice "Where exactly do you live?"
I froze up not knowing what to say. I didn't want my new friend to know that I was a homeless bum who slept in a rundown theatre. There was no point in lying either, so I guess I had to tell her "Well, um" I couldn't even look up and say it "I d-don't have a home"
"What?!" She sounded enraged, was she really that mad that I was homeless? And after she was so kind to me in the hospital. I guess I was right about life.
"No friend of mine is going to sleep in the streets tonight, or any night for that matter!"
And for the second time that day, RainbowDash completely blew me away. How, without even knowing me, could anypony save me from myself, take me to the hospital, pay for the bill, and then offer me a place to stay for the night? I was absolutely ecstatic! The most happy I have ever been in my entire life!
We spent the next week together, living in her cloud house above ponyville. Being with rainbow is unexplainable. Every time I'm around her I get this feeling, and my eyes get big, and I cant help but smile! I've never felt this way before, especially about a mare who I just met less then a week ago.
I remember something my mother told me, it was the day before she died, she told me about love. She told me that when I find love, it wont matter whether that pony is a unicorn or a Pegasus or an earth pony, or if they are a mare or a colt, and that the only thing that matters is that you are willing to give yourself to that pony, and be with that pony for the rest of you life.
And at that moment there was nothing I wanted to do more then be with Rainbow for the rest of my life. But how was I supposed to know if RainbowDash felt the same way about me? There was only one way to find out, and I knew it might not end well.
I walked down the stairs from my guest bedroom and into the kitchen, where I saw a happy blue pony cooking to eggs over the stove. This was the usual. I don't know if she did this just because I was here, or if she cooked for herself every morning "Morning Ditzy!" she shouted over her shoulders as I took a seat at her kitchen table.
"morning Rainbow!" I cheerily sang back. Rainbow flew over with two plates of eggs and toast in each hoof, she set down the plates side by side and dashed to the fridge to get us some juice. We talked, we ate, we laughed, the usual. As normal as it was getting, my time with Rainbow never got old, and it never grew boring.
The time had come. There we were on the edge of her cloud fortress, we would hug and I would say goodbye to her, and she would fly off to do whatever she had to do (her work was easy so she returns pretty quick from her job) but today would be different.
"You stay outa trouble Ditzy, you hear me?" she leaned in for a hug but she never got one, instead I leaned in and planted a kiss on her lips. I saw other ponies kiss, and thought that if RainbowDash had feelings for me like that then she would return the kiss, but to my dismay she didn't, actually she pushed me away.
"What the hell Ditzy!" looked more confused then angry, but her words came out like she was enraged.
"I-I-I-" I am such an idiot, that's what. How could I even talk to her anymore. Apparently she was speechless too. She tried to muster up a response to my inappropriateness, but just ended up turning around and flying away.
I feel like such an idiot. I didn't even feel this much heartbreak when my mother died. Tears glistening down my cheeks as I ran back into the house and cried, and cried, and cried. It must have been hours when I finally stopped crying.
when I did I got up and walked into the kitchen, and found the biggest knife RainbowDash owned. Ironic.
I didn't want it to look like rainbow had anything to do with this, so I walked to the end of her cloud fortress (so my body would fall off the edge) and held the knife up to my throat, no mistakes this time. I cant stop thinking about rainbow. The last thing I saw of her was her beautiful rainbow colored mane. Goodbye Equestria.
Goodbye RainbowDash.
Soft winds, shining sun, clear blue skies. The pegasus ponies had really outdone themselve this time. I pulled a bag of blueberry muffins out of my satchel, my favorite, the earth ponies really do know how to bake a good pastries. Then I pulled out a leather sheath from my satchel, inside; a hand crafted butchers knife, fine work only a unicorn could do.
Its too bad I didn't fit in with anypony. I'm too clumsy on my wings, so the only job I can be trusted with is mail delivery, I cant use magic, and I cant farm or bake (I've tried, and the result was a disaster) Worst of all there is nopony left to love me. My mother and father died when I was very young. When my father died I was almost happy. He abused me, hit me, pulled feathers from my wings. Once, when I was a little Philly, he threw me off a bridge and laughed as i struggled to keep myself from falling and getting killed.
My mother on the other hand was caring and sweet. She would tell me she would love me until the sun goes out, and I would look up into the sky to see if the sun was still shining, it always was. He hit her too, so I was glad when he died.
When my mother died they took me away. I didn't cry (if I did my father would hit me) and I didn't frown (my mother told me to always smile) as that carriage took me from my home to that cramped orphanage. And just when I thought I had gotten away from my father, there he was, in the form of a young colt named Jewel Counter. He would tease me and bully me because of my eyes, and because I couldn't fly, and because I didn't know what my cutie mark meant.
I ran away from the orphanage to the town of Ponyville, where I spent countless nights cold and hungry in an old abandon theatre.
The rest of my life, leading up to this moment is probably exactly what you think. I got a job working for the mail delivery service, I didn't talk to anypony, and nopony talked to me. They looked at me like I didn't belong, and who would blame them, I don't belong here.
All these things fuel me. They fuel me to unsheathe my knife, and that's exactly what I do. But first I take a bight of that blueberry muffin. When my mom was still alive she would bake me blueberry muffins. I want the last thing I eat to be a muffin, because it reminds me of my mother.
With that done, I hold the knife in my right hoof. I am not going to slice my neck, too painful. Instead I will plunge it through my chest, quick and easy.
If there is an after life, I want to remember the last thing I see. A flash of blue soars across the sky. Beautiful. now, Its time to leave.
