The Older I Get

by primalcorn1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Romance
Length: 1834

Will I get over it?

They told me it would get better…It never did. I miss you, Rainbow Dash.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-08 19:04:01 UTC

The Older I Get

So many pictures of her and I,

Bitter reminders of days gone by.

All the times I'll never forget,

Shattered by mistakes I'll always regret.

They always told me it would get better,

But this pain still binds me like a fetter.

So while every day I grow older,

All I want is another chance to hold her.

Spitfire sighed as she walked through her home. Her beautiful, massive, empty home. Pictures lined the walls of her home: Pictures of the one mare that had ever made her happy. She sighed as she dragged a hoof down her favorite one: The picture of the best day of her life. Her lips were locked with Rainbow Dash's, both of them smiling happily. It was the day she had asked Rainbow Dash to marry her. Rainbow said yes. Spitfire's eyes welled with tears as her hoof rested on the photograph. On Rainbow. That photograph was taken just over a year ago. Four months later, Rainbow broke off the engagement. She wasn't able to handle the pressure of celebrity life, she never had been. Tears fell from Spitfire's eyes as she remembered what she had put Rainbow through. All the hurt, all the stress, all because she didn't want marriage to mean settling down. It wasn't fair that Rainbow wanted Spitfire to leave her job for her, right? She shouldn't have to quit doing what she loved to be with the mare she loved, right? It wasn't fair that Rainbow had left her because of it...right?

I stare at the bed that we used to share,

And wonder how she vanished into thin air.

My life is so empty now that she's gone,

How can I even think about ever moving on?

Even though a year has passed,

It seems this emptiness will always last.

So while every day I grow older,

All I want is another chance to hold her.

Spitfire flopped down on her bed. Her beautiful, massive, empty bed. The bed where she had first made love to the only mare she could ever be with: The one mare that still haunted her dreams. Dreams of Rainbows gracing the sky, following a mare that was giving a wink and a sly smirk. Rainbow loved performing with the Wonderbolts, but it wasn't long before her lifelong dream turned into her worst nightmare. Rainbow had thought that she would be able to maintain a close relationship with all of her friends back in Ponyville despite the constant touring. She couldn't. Spitfire knew that Rainbow missed her friends, but she kept pushing her to keep on going: To move on from her old life and start something greater. Now Spitfire could see why Rainbow just couldn't do that. She could see why Rainbow not only wanted to leave the Wonderbolts, but why Rainbow needed to leave the Wonderbolts. Spitfire sighed as she pulled the comforter over herself and began to sob into her pillow. Maybe Rainbow made the right choice.

Why can't I her let go?

It's a lesson I learned long ago.

Love brings nothing to our lives but pain,

As sunny skies are always followed by rain.

So why do I still crave her so?

Is there more to love than I actually know?

Because with every day I grow older,

The only thing I need is another chance to hold her.

Spitfire landed softly in front of Sugarcube Corner. Now was the time where she could make things right. She had been without her for far too long. She lifted a hoof, but before she could knock on the door an energetic pink pony threw it open.

"Hi, Spitfire! Are you here for the party too! That's funny, I don't remember sending you an invite! I'm actually still kinda mad at you for making Dashie feel bad, but more ponies is always better at a party! Come on in!"

"I think I'll handle this one, Pinks." A familiar voice spoke from inside the door. A voice that made Spitfire's heart stop. But if her heart stopped, why was it beating at twice it's normal rhythm in her chest? As if it wasn't bad enough, her brain stopped working the moment Rainbow stepped into view. Spitfire had planned exactly what she was going to say. She had thought up a beautiful heartfelt apology that would tell Rainbow everything that she wanted her to hear. But nothing came to mind. Spitfire had practiced in front of a mirror for two hours just to draw a blank when she actually needed to remember what she wanted to say?! Why was she sweating?! What was going on with her?!

Rainbow looked at Spitfire with a blank expression. She was stunned that she was seeing her again. Her ex-fiance, standing in front of her, and she was...trembling? In all the time Rainbow knew Spitfire, she had never seen her nervous about anything, let alone downright scared like she was now. What was going on with her? Rainbow decided she was going to have to speak first.

"Hey."

It took Spitfire a moment to gather herself enough to be able to talk. This was her one chance to win Rainbow back. She was NOT going to blow this.

"Hey."

A long, awkward silence passed between the two mares. Spitfire stopped trembling, and instead opted to give the ground a melancholy stare as she pawed at it. Rainbow took note of Spitfire's actions, and could tell that she was still nervous. Unbeknownst to either of them, a crowd of five mares had gathered behind them inside Sugarcube Corner, anxious to see what happened next. Again, Rainbow spoke first.

"You...came back. Why?"

So many responses flashed through Spitfire's mind at once that she couldn't sort them all out. She couldn't keep track of them.

Because you're the only thing in the world that still matters to me.

Because I want to make up for what I put you through.

Because I know I was wrong, and I want you to know that I still care.

But none of those responses came from Spitfire's lips. She opened her mouth to say one of them, but nothing came out. Instead, all she managed was a rather worthless answer in her mind.

"Because I want you back."

Spitfire wanted to kick herself for saying that. After everything that she had put Rainbow through, she just made this about herself?! What in the hay was she thinking?!

Rainbow gave a bitter laugh.

"You're going to have to do better than that."

With that, Rainbow turned to head back inside. Spitfire couldn't watch Rainbow walk away, not again. She moved forward and closed her jaw on Rainbow's tail. Rainbow turned around, her expression irritated. Spitfire had no idea how happy Rainbow was that she had stopped her. Spitfire let go and tried to force herself to look Rainbow in the eye, but she just couldn't. She again returned her gaze to the ground and began to paw.

"No...Rainbow, what I mean to say is...I'm sorry. I was wrong to expect you to live a life you couldn't handle for me." Tears began to fall from Spitfire's cheeks as she poured her heart out to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow didn't show it, but even then it tore her heart out to see the mare she still loved crying. "You belong here, in Ponyville. With your friends. With everypony you care about. I had no right to try and take you away from that. I'm...sorry."

It took everything Rainbow had to fight the urge to lean forward and wipe away Spitfire's tears. Rainbow wasn't about to admit it to anypony that didn't need to know about it, but even a year after leaving Spitfire she hadn't gotten over her. She told herself every day that it would get better. It never did. But even though she could just forgive Spitfire right now and be happy again, she knew she couldn't be with her again. Things couldn't go back to the way they were. Not while Spitfire was a Wonderbolt.

"And you made it pretty clear that it was wrong for me to ask you to leave your career behind so we could both be happy." Rainbow sighed as she also looked to the ground. "And you were right. I can't expect you to turn away from everything you worked for your entire life to be with me. It wouldn't be fair." Rainbow felt her heart being torn from her chest as she said the next five words, but she knew they had to be said. "Spitfire, we just can't be."

Spitfire gave a sad smile. Rainbow mentioning Spitfire's career reminded her of the most important thing she needed to say that night. The one thing that gave her any reason to make the long flight to Ponyville from Cloudsdale.

"Rainbow, I quit."

Rainbow's eyes went wide with shock. She wasn't sure she had heard Spitfire correctly.

"W-what was that?"

Spitfire smiled again, but this time every trace of sadness was gone. Her eyes still glistened with tears, but she knew she had reached Rainbow.

"I quit the team, Rainbow. I left the Wonderbolts."

Five loud gasps from inside Sugarcube Corner went unheard by the two mares in the doorway. Rainbow was too stunned to notice, and all of Spitfire's attention was on Rainbow. Spitfire took a cautious step forward. Rainbow forced herself to clear her head enough to speak.

"W-why would you do that?" Rainbow asked. Spitfire turned her gaze away from Rainbow. The ground beneath her again became the victim of a gentle pawing.

"Because ever since you left, you've been the only thing that matters in my life. Rainbow, I don't just love you, I need you." Spitfire looked up into Rainbow's eyes, which were now glistening with tears. Spitfire had never seen Rainbow cry before. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happened, and all I want is a chance to make things right." Spitfire took another step forward, but she was far more confident this time around. "So please, Rainbow. Give me another chance? After everything I've done wrong, will you marry me? Again?"

Again, five loud gasps went unheard from inside Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow and Spitfire's eyes were locked, and the two mares stood in silence. Rainbow couldn't find the right words to answer Spitfire's question, so she opted to just throw her forelegs around Spitfire and burst into tears. Spitfire wrapped her own forelegs around Rainbow's back and followed suit by sobbing into Rainbow's shoulder.

"Yes, Spitfire. Yes, I will."

Though I suffered through so much emotional strife,

I finally can take her to be my wife.

I gave up so much, but gained so much more,

Because now she'll never walk out that door.

I'm finally ready to stop running around,

I'm finally ready to just settle down.

and even though every day I still grow older,

I find comfort knowing that I'll always be able to hold her.