Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

Chapters

Episode 1 - Guardians of Magic - Prologue
Episode 3 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 2
Episode 4 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 3
Episode 5 - Part 1 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 4
Episode 5 - Part 2 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 5
Episode 6 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 1
Episode 6 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 2
Episode 6 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 3
Episode 7 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 4
Episode 7 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 5
Episode 7 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 6
Episode 8 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 7
Episode 8 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 8
Episode 8 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 9
Episode 9 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 11
Episode 9 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 12
Episode 9 - Part 4 - Darkness of Love - Epilogue
Episode 10 - The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 1
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 2
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 3
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 4
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 5
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 6
Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 7
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 1
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 2
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 3
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 4
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 5
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 6
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 8
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 9
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Epilogue
Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 2
Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 3
Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 4
Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 4 - Part 1
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 1
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 2
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 3
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 4
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 5
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 7
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 8
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 9
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 10
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 11
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Epilogue
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 1
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 2
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 3
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 4
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 5
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 6
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 7
Episode 16 - Dax's Despair
Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 01
Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 02
Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 03
Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 04
Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 05
Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 06
Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 07
Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 08
Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 09
Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 10
Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 12
Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Epilogue
Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 1
Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 2
Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 3
Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 4
Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 5
Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 6
Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 7
Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 8
Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 9
Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 10
Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 11
Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 12
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 13
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 14
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 15
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 16
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Epilogue 1
Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Epilogue 2
Episode 25 - Kingdom of Monsters Part 2
Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 1
Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 2
Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 3
Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 4
Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 1
Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 2
Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 3
Episode 2 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 1
Episode 9 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 10
Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 7
Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 1
Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 6
Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 8
Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 11
Episode 25 - Kingdom of Monsters Part 1

Episode 1 - Guardians of Magic - Prologue

Now with a dramatic reading! Yes really! I was surprised too. Thank you LittleMissBloo for doing it. You are awesome! You can find it here.

Hello everyone! This is Rixizu. This is my first fanfic in awhile, so please be patient with me. Especially with my crappy grammar and spelling. Hopefully my snark and sense of humor will make up for it. Today we will be reading a fanfic called Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk. A pretty good Kingdom Hearts/My Little Pony crossover. I had a lot of fun with this one. This was a fun fic to play around with. The latter chapters will be even more fun.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction accountor my blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to Shire Folk for letting me use his story.

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 1

The Doctor woke up with a groan. His head felt woozy and he had trouble getting back on his hooves. The bright light emanating from the ceiling was hurting his eyes. He took a careful look around. It didn’t look like any place he had been to before. It was a very white and very sterile looking room with almost nothing in it. The most notable item in the room was the large black screen on the Doctor’s right. He couldn’t see any exits. The Doctor hated finding himself in places like this; they were always so dull and boring. They could at least add a potted plant of something. He heard a groan from behind him. He turned around to find his assistant and companion Ditzy Doo slowly coming to her hooves.

“Ditzy are you alright?” The Doctor said with slight concern. She looked alright, but he had to be sure.

“Oh, I’m fine Doctor!” Ditzy got up and looked around. “Where are we? This isn’t the Tardis, at least I don’t think it is. I haven’t explored the whole thing yet.”

“Do you hear that?” The Doctor shushed her while raising a hoof.

“I don’t hear anything.” Ditzy replied a little confused.

“Exactly!” The Doctor responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “If we were still in the Tardis we could hear its hum.”

“Oh, of course! So where are we then?” Ditzy looked at the Doctor expectantly.

“Not a clue!” The Doctor chirped happily. Ditzy deflated at this.

“Doctor, there aren’t any doors! How did we get in here? How do we get out!?” Ditzy said starting to panic.

“I imagine we were transmatted in or perhaps the wall open somehow when their master commands it.” The Doctor replied simply. “Isn’t that right? I know you can hear me. How about you show yourself already? We are getting tired of waiting!” The Doctor yelled while he paced looking the ceiling.

“I’m glad to see your up Doctor, Ditzy.” A distorted voice said coming from the now lit black screen on a wall next to them. It was fuzzy and the distorted fuzz moved at the sound of his voice.

“Who are you?” Ditzy glared angrily at the screen. “What do you want with us?”

“You call me…Mr. X. and what I want is…” Ditzy interrupted him before he could finish.

“Mr. X? Really? That’s the best you could come up with? You might as well have gone with Mr. Generic Evil Pants!” Ditzy said incredulously.

“Yes, not terribly original. It doesn’t exactly strike fear in the heart of you captives. “The Doctor replied with an obvious mocking tone in this voice. “You could have gone with something fierce and imposing like Terriak or the Chessmaster. But, no…you went with Mr. X”

“I thought it was cool...” Mr. X mumbled sounding genuinely hurt. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes before finally saying something. “Nonetheless, I have brought you here to…” Ditzy interrupted him again.

“Let me guess. You are going to make us travel through a maze full of puzzles and deadly traps while secretly trying to drive a wedge between us and make us hate each other?“

“No, nothing like that.” Mr. X. said simply.

“Oh, that’s a relief. Don’t want to go through that again.” Ditzy wiped her brow while saying this. The Doctor nodded knowingly.

“As I was trying to say!” Mr. X sounded very annoyed at the constant interruptions. “I brought you here for an experiment.”

The Doctor and Ditzy groaned at this very audibly. They had an idea where this was going. “You’re not going to test gas and deadly contagions on us are you?” The Doctor said wearily.

“Or make us fight deadly beasts with sharp claws and teeth?” Ditzy said just as wearily.

“No…I am going to make you read fanfiction…”

“What?!” The Doctor and Ditzy were genuinely stunned. They were sure Mr. X was going to send some life threatening peril their way with very sharp teeth.

“Bad fanfiction.” Mr. X laughed wickedly.

“Oh, is that all?” The Doctor didn’t sound threatened or even worried.

“It beats running for my life.” Ditzy seemed relieved she didn’t have to run for her life from something for once.

“…” Mr. X. didn’t seem too happy at their reaction. “Today’s fanfic will be Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk. A Kingdom Hearts/My Little Pony crossover. Enjoy.” He ended with an evil laugh. A door opened from one of the walls into a dark corridor. An alarm sounded when the door opening completely.

“Ready?” The Doctor said to Ditzy with a smirk.

“Ready!” Ditzy replied with a cheer.

…I don’t even know where this came from. To all of my AoD fans,

Doctor: AoD? Oh great, is this a sequel to something?

this is almost completely unrelated to it at all and I’m not even sure what head canon I’m using.

Doctor: Oh…dear… I already don’t understand half of the things Ditzy explains to me about Kingdom Hearts, and now you are adding your own half thought out head cannon in this?! This is going to hurt.

Ditzy: *gulps*

All I know is that I’ve got one OC from AoD showing up,

Ditzy: (Author) My super awesome OC named Xesayurm! She’s a Nobody that’s Axel’s twin sister who looks like Namine with a black mane. She wields two keyblades and is a better fighter than Sora and Riku combined!

and that I’m ignoring Dream Drop Distance, 358/2 Days, Coded, and probably a bit of BBS.

Doctor: (Author) I ignore anything in canon I don’t like. So there!

To everypony else, take this as having jumped right into the middle of one of your standard post-KH2, pre-Before-The-Other-Games-Came-Out Action/Adventure/Romance fics featuring the ponies sharing the spotlight.

Doctor: (Author) A scenario I’m sure most of you are familiar with.

Ditzy: Romance? Dear Celestia…

I honestly don’t know when updates are going to be because I have a lot of work on The Annals of Darknessover on fanfiction.net to do.

Doctor: Oh, now he explains what AoD even means.

Anyway…

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or My Little Pony; those things are owned by Square-Enix, Disney, and Hasbro.

All: Thank goodness for that.

This is purely for entertainment purposes and I am not making any sort of profit from this.

Ditzy: (Author) But I am selling T-shirts of my super awesome OC if you are interested.

Note: “-G-M-“ stands for scene break.

Doctor: (Author) Normal scene transitions weren’t cool enough.

Ditzy: What does GM even mean?

-G-M-

Guardians of Magic

Ditzy: Oh, of course.

Prologue: Creatures in the Night

The moon is beautiful tonight.

Such were the thoughts of Starshine, the cobalt blue unicorn with an iridescent mane of silver standing underneath a poplar tree in the Canterlot gardens. The night sky was clear, allowing the stallion to gaze up at the moon and stars with his sapphire eyes in contented awe. A warm summer wind whistled through the leaves above him, bringing with it the scents of honeysuckle and petunias. Starshine sighed in the breeze, the air rippling against his coat and cutie mark of a bright, golden star.

An owl hooted from somewhere else in the gardens, and Starshine dropped his gaze from Princess Luna’s full moon to the ground. He pawed at it with a hoof, slightly nervous. Moondancer was running late; perhaps something had happened to her?

Mr. X: Why aren’t you saying anything?!

Ditzy: Huh? What do you mean?

Mr. X: You are suppose to be commenting on the story while you read it!

Ditzy: What? Why? That seems kinda rude.

Doctor: And it would make this take longer.

Mr. X: Just shut up and do it.

Ditzy: Fine Mr. Grumpy pants. Sheesh.

Doctor: *sighs*

A quick glance from where he stood underneath the tree let him see that he wasn’t the only pony in the gardens this night. In deep shadows that blanketed a bench he could make out the forms of two others,

Doctor: Upon closer inspection they appeared to be no more than statues of Pegesi that appeared to be weeping.

and from their proximity he was sure that their noses were nuzzling against one another. Just thinking about it made him think of the white unicorn.

Doctor: Rarity?

Ditzy: Vinyl Scratch?

Doctor: Fleur Dis Lee?

“Starshine?”

The stallion smiled at the whisper and turned his head and neck in its direction. Slowly walking towards him was the beauty he’d been waiting for.

Doctor: (Starshine) Blueblood my love you’re finally here!

Moondancer’s brilliant red mane with a purple highlight running through it was veiled slightly by the lack of light, but that which the pale moon did cast on her and her marshmallow white coat only enchanted him further.

Seeing his smile, the mare raced up to him

Dizty: And decked him.

and rubbed her neck affectionately against his. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she apologized, “but I lost track of time practicing the transformation spell Professor Hoofer set for us.”

Ditzy: (Moondancer) I was trying to see if I could turn into something called a huemon that Lyra won’t shut up about.

Starshine chuckled and wrapped one foreleg against her withers. By Celestia she smelled nice tonight.

Doctor: Unfortunately, her breath ruined the effect.

“It’s okay. I’m just glad that you came.” Moondancer pulled back and nodded her head, smiling shyly at her coltfriend. He took one step forward, a smile now etched into his face

Ditzy: Mom always said don’t make that face or it will end up stuck that way.

as she joined him for a midnight stroll through the garden.

-G-M-

Doctor: In case you forget what fic you are reading.

Watching from a castle balcony overlooking the gardens was another pony,

Ditzy: Batpony!

Doctor: (Batpony) I am the night!

this one a mare with both wings and a horn; an alicorn. Her mane and tail were a mantle of the night sky; dark blue with the white pinpricks of stars winking through it, and they constantly fluttered as if caught in a solar wind.

Doctor: Unfortunately this often caused them to get caught in something.

A black tiara with three points rested on her head, and in front of her chest hung a peytral of black leather

Ditzy: That’s..that’s monstrous. How could anypony do such a thing!? I think I am going to be sick…

Doctor: I’m sure the cow was long dead of natural causes and gave consent before they…

Ditzy: That doesn’t make it any better!

with a white crescent moon on its centre. On her haunches the pony’s own cutie mark,

Ditzy: As opposed to my cutie mark or the Doctor’s.

that of a white crescent moon over an inky black splotch to resemble the night, was clearly visible against her midnight-blue coat.

Princess Luna smiled gently down at those ponies she could see in the gardens.

Doctor: Luna really enjoyed watching the intimate moments between ponies without their knowledge.

Ditzy: Especially the really dirty parts.

The Princess of the Night was a romantic at heart, though she would not admit it, and was glad that even after one thousand years some things never changed between ponies.

Ditzy: She was especially impressed at the amount new positions added to the pony sutra during her banishment.

Her beautiful night that most ponies slept right through still had that calm, mysterious charm that led to events occurring like the ones happening right now.

Ditzy: (Luna) Look at those three ponies go at it! We have never seen anything like it!

Doctor: Are you going to keep doing that?

Ditzy: I can’t help it. It’s just too easy!

There was love in the air tonight, only accentuated by the beauty of the night that she’d brought. Perhaps she could make it a little more breathtaking.

Doctor: This unfortunately ended with the death of most ponies on the planet.

Ditzy: (Luna) We just don’t know what happened!

Thinking of that, the midnight alicorn looked up to her sky. The weather teams from Cloudsdale had done well in her books by not scheduling for any showers to occur in Canterlot tonight; it gave her full view of her nightly canvas.

Ditzy: Luna then decided that they would never spoil her night everagain.

She hummed to herself and tapped a hoof to her chin,

Doctor: She couldn’t get the Winter Wrap up song out of her mind.

fixing her blue eyes on a particular grouping of stars. The alicorn’s horn became surrounded by a soft blue glow. Luna could feel the font of her magical energy reserves buried within her, much of it still untapped after her raising of the moon, and she accessed it again. A tiny trickle of energy left her, and the stars she was looking at brightened ever so slightly.

Doctor: Causing the death of at least three species.

“Good evening, Luna,” a voice said from behind her.

The midnight princess turned to peer at the newcomer. “Good evening Celly,” she said, spotting her older sister, Princess Celestia, coming onto the balcony.

Doctor: (Celestia) Peeping on couples again I see Lulu.

Ditzy: (Luna) N-No! We are just watching ponies enjoy the beauty of our night.

“I was just making Virgo a tad brighter.

Doctor: The poor poor Guleans.

Hm… do you think I made Polaris too bright tonight? It’s dwarfing a few of the other stars around it.”

Doctor: Luna often enjoyed messing with ship navigators.

Ditzy: Tia like to called it “trolling”. Which confused Luna, what do cave trolls have to do with anything?

The other princess chuckled, her hoofsteps sounding lightly on the marble beneath them. Princess Celestia gazed skyward, the taller white alicorn looking as regal at night as she did during the day.

Doctor: Thought Luna bitterly.

“I think Polaris looks lovely, Luna. Another beautiful night you’ve made.”

Doctor: (Celestia) It’s unfortunate that it is too bright for anypony to sleep now.

“True,” said the younger sibling, “and if I do dim Polaris a bit, then some lost pony who might be navigating with it might not be able to find it as easily. I just don’t know.

Ditzy: (Luna) Doomed lost sailors. Beautiful night for romantic couples. We just can’t decide!

The evening star is bright enough, but the Milky Way—” She cut herself off when her older sister began to laugh.

“My dear sister, you really do try too hard,”

Doctor: (Celestia) The complete rendition of the Marelangelo’s Sistine Chapel was a bit much.

she teased. “You’ve brought another beautiful and perfect night.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) It’s just too bad almost nopony is awake to see it.

Luna sighed. “If you say so, Celly.” She glanced down into the gardens again. “I just want it to be as beautiful as I can make it for them.” Celestia strode up to where her sister was lying down and peered into the gardens. She smiled warmly, and laughed.

“You really are overly-romantic, Luna,” she told the midnight alicorn.

Ditzy: (Celestia) No really Lulu. This is starting to become a problem. You spend most of your time in your room working up new ways to make your night more beautiful.

The Princess of the Night flushed. “Ce—Celestia! We are not overly-romantic. It is thou who makes baseless accusa—” She stopped again when her older sister began laughing once more, and Luna’s blush increased underneath her midnight-blue coat.

Ditzy: That’s actually really cute.

“I think I’ll retire for the night,” said the Sun Princess. “You will wake me before it is time to raise the sun?” Luna cordially nodded her head.

Ditzy: (Celestia) And not wake up with my bedroom upside down this time.

Doctor: (Luna) We do not make any promises.

“Of course we—I mean, of course I will.” Celestia and Luna shared a smile, and the radiant white alicorn began to walk back inside.

Ditzy: (Luna) Sucker. We think the sun could stay down for a few more hours.

“Good night, Luna.”

“Good night, Celestia,” replied Luna. She gave one more look to the gardens, watching Starshine and Moondancer for a few more moments,

Doctor: Only to turn away disgusted moments later.

before turning her gaze back to the heavens. How else should she improve the look, maybe by making the Aurora Borealis visible? Yes, that could work, but it shouldn’t be too bright, or else it might detract from the rest of the sky. However, she’d never known a pony to complain about seeing an aurora before. But then the Milky Way was rather dim tonight; even up here in Canterlot she needed to strain her eyes a little to catch sight of it. Perhaps she should improve on that instead.

Ditzy: I think Celestia is right Luna, you need a hobby or something.

There were so many decisions. An artist’s work is never done.

-G-M-

Moondancer was grateful for the shadows from the garden’s trees as she and Starshine

Ditzy: Tickled one another.

Doctor: *raises an eyebrow*

Ditzy: Come on, what do you take me for? Besides, that was way too easy.

lay next to one another, both of them looking up into the night sky. The shadows were hiding the blush on her cheeks, almost certainly visible through her white coat. The unicorn pair had conversed with idle chatter about their respective days,

Doctor: (Starshine) So how was your day?

Ditzy: (Moonshine) Oh not so bad. Lyra came out of the closet today.

Doctor: (Starshine) Oh that’s... wait I thought she already was.

Ditzy: (Moonshine) So did I! Apparently Lyra was the only pony that thought that was a secret.

Doctor: (Starshine) Go figure.

but before too long they had fallen into comfortable silence and they’d set about stargazing.

She tilted her head sideways towards Starshine and nuzzled her cheek against the stallion’s. Starshine nickered from deep inside his belly and accepted her affection whole-heartedly until she gave him the chance to do what he wanted, which was to place his neck over hers in a hug. Moondancer hummed in her throat and closed her indigo eyes, just happy that he was here with her in this moment. “Do you think we’ll always be together like this?” she whispered.

Doctor: (Starshine) Now that you uttered that cliché we won’t be.

Starshine smiled inside of their neck hug. “I’m not sure, but I certainly hope so.” Moondancer sighed contentedly in response.

“Me too.”

Ditzy: (Moondancer) I hope we don’t get brutally murdered in a few moments.

Another minute passed in blissful silence, the only sounds the crickets chirping and the hoot of a distant owl. Starshine removed his neck from Moondancer’s, and laid it down flat against the grass.

Ditzy: Wincing in pain when he accidentally hit a rock.

The lawns of the garden were grazed meticulously; it felt so wonderful to lie down on it. Scents of the flowers drifted into his nose, and the moon and stars continued to shine and twinkle down upon them. It almost felt like they were the only two ponies in Equestria, even though there were probably no less than four or five other couples in different secluded hiding spots within the same garden.

Ditzy: Ugh, can we just get to the Heartless attack already?

Sudden movement on the grass attracted Starshine’s attention, the silver-maned unicorn frowning and raising his neck. “What is it?” Moondancer asked. Starshine shook his head.

Doctor: (Author) Let’s see... Young romantic couple? Check. Over the top idealized romance? Check. Asking if they can stay this way forever? Check. Flowery descriptions to show how perfect the situation is? Check. One of them notices something is wrong? Check.

“I’m not sure,” he told her. “I thought I saw something, but I guess my eyes are getting a little tired.” He smiled apologetically at her, and Moondancer smiled back and laughed a little.

Ditzy: (Starshine) It had fangs and sharp claws but I don’t really think we should worry. It was probably nothing.

“Then perhaps we’d better be getting back,” she suggested. “I doubt Professors Hoofer or Beaker will be forgiving if we’re late because—”

Starshine stood up suddenly, startling Moondancer into silence. She followed the other unicorn’s gaze to where there was a black shadow on the ground, the shadow an inky black that looked like light had never touched it.

Doctor: Vashta Nerada? I thought this was a Kingdom Hearts crossover.

Ditzy: No Doctor, that’s a Heartless.

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: Yep, shadowy Heartless can do that.

Two bright yellow circles were at what Moondancer suspected to be the shadow’s ‘head’, and she wondered what fireflies would be doing scuttling on the grass like that.

Ditzy: Um, fireflies aren’t native to Canterlot.

Moondancer blinked in surprise; the shadow started moving! She looked around frantically, but couldn’t see anything that could be casting that exact shape on the ground.

Moondancer stood up and remained close to Starshine, and both unicorns nodded at one another before continuing to watch the shadow wriggle around on the ground. Moondancer dismissed her idea that the yellow things were fireflies; now she was hypothesizing that they were really eyes and that this was some sort of creature she’d never heard of.

Both unicorns snorted in alarm and backed up a few hooves as the shadow came out of the ground to stand in front of them, fully three-dimensional.

Doctor: Then it turned four-dimensional then five.

Moondancer peered at it cautiously. The creature stood at about half their height and had a bulbous head, two curved antennae sticking out of the top of its head. It had four limbs attached to its abdomen, besides the head; two of them looked to be arms like Twilight Sparkle’s baby dragon, Spike, ending in claws, while the other two appeared to be stronger legs with flat feet; it was on these two appendages that it was standing.

“Twilight Sparkle would give anything to study this,” Starshine said. Moondancer nodded,

Doctor: Yes…she can be a bit too enthusiastic in her quest for knowledge. When she found out I was an alien, she basically kidnapped me and strapped me to a table!

inclined to agree with him on that. The last time she’d seen the lavender unicorn, Twilight had declined to go to her Summer Sun Celebration Break party in favour of studying. She knew that the intelligent pony had a lot of pressure on her hooves, being Princess Celestia’s protégé,

Doctor: Pressure that often drives her to madness.

Ditzy: No kidding. *shutters*

but even her new friends in Ponyville probably wouldn’t be able to keep the unicorn away from a discovery like this.

DItzy: (Moondancer) The last time she got this excited three ponies ended up in the hospital!

“Yeah,” she said, “but I just know that I wouldn’t.” She took another step back, and the creature cocked its head at her in an inquiring gesture. Moondancer shook her head. No matter how she looked at its eyes, she couldn’t see anything in them. Though, just looking at it caused her heart to quiver slightly, and she almost swore she could feel as though it was eyeing her and Starshine hungrily. “It’s giving me a bad vibe.”

Doctor: (Starshine) You say that about every strange creature we come across.

Ditzy: (Moondancer) Bu-but this time I mean it.

Starshine nodded, and he began to back up as well. “Come on, Moon, let’s get back to our rooms.” No sooner had he finished speaking than the creature leapt towards them.

Ditzy: Into a big hug. It was all a misunderstanding!

-G-M-

Luna’s attention was forcibly jerked away from the night sky as a pained neigh filled the night air.

Doctor: *looks at Ditzy*

Ditzy: What? I wasn’t going to say anything! I’m done with those kind of jokes anyway.

Her eyes zeroed in on the location in the gardens and she stood up. At once she was flapping her wings to take her towards the sounds, panicked and angry shouts now sounding through the night like blaring trumpets. Luna was certain that she would be the first there with her swift and powerful wings, but the guards would most certainly have heard the ruckus too and would not be far behind.

Ditzy: *sighs wearily* She’s clearly overestimating the royal guards.

She cleared a line of trees and was forced to stop and hover for a second in surprise. A pair of unicorns was below, and they were being assaulted by no less than five buggy black creatures with beady yellow eyes that the princess had never seen the like of before. Luna took another second to survey the situation below. The male unicorn was bleeding from a tear in his chest, while the female had a trickle of blood running down her flank near her cutie mark of a glittery silver moon surrounded by eight red stars.

The male unicorn took a step back, his head swiveling from one black creature to the next. Aqua light enveloped his horn as he began to cast a spell, and the same light covered one of the creatures, locking it in the unicorn’s telekinetic grip. He cast his head to the side, and the creature was flung violently against a tree, where it burst apart into dark wisps. Luna and both unicorns below were surprised at what happened to it,

Ditzy: (Starshine) I-I’m a murderer! *cries*

but the princess was the first to break out of her shock.

One of the remaining four looked like it was about to pounce upon the cobalt stallion, and defiant anger rose up in Princess Luna. How dare these beings besmirch her beautiful night? How dare they put fear into carefree little ponies?

Doctor: How dare they forget to put onions on her daisy sandwich! Wait, no. That’s not right.

She dove for the creature like a falcon,

Ditzy: Unfortunately it was with the grace of a drunkard and she crashed into a tree.

and with a shrieking whinny Luna stomped onto the ground, reared up and dropped her strong hooves onto the thing’s head. The black creature burst asunder underneath her hooves, wisps of dark matter rising up around her shins. The touch sickened Luna, but she ignored it as her rage mounted.

“How DARE doest ye appear here!” bellowed the princess, unconsciously falling back into her Royal Canterlot Voice as she had traditionally used one thousand years ago. “Ye foulest beasts have far overstayed thy welcome. Begone from this place, for thy doom is nigh!”

Ditzy: (Luna) In the name of the moon. We shall punish you!

“Princess Luna,” the unicorns behind her muttered in awe. Dark clouds were forming in the clear sky above the alicorn, and lightning began to stab the sky.

Luna barely acknowledged, glaring at the creatures that had disturbed her preciously romantic night. None of them were making any sort of move to retreat, which Luna decided to interpret as a hostile act. Her horn began to glow midnight blue and her stare hardened. A beam of light shot out from her horn and struck the cloud forming above her, and a forked bolt of lightning shot out of it and struck two of the creatures in front of her, reducing them into nothingness. Luna’s horn’s glow persisted, and two more of the creatures she picked up with its glow and threw them into the third.

Doctor: Wait...what? Four of the heartless are dead. There should only be one left!

Ditzy: I don’t think the author can count.

The tangle of shadowy limbs and eyes she grasped with her magic, and raised it to just above chest height.

The midnight mare snorted and kicked back a hoof, lowered her head, and galloped straight towards the mass. She gored them with her glowing horn and took off with a powerful thrust of her wings. She climbed in a vengeful corkscrew into the night air above the garden, and paused only when she was three times the height of the tallest tree in the garden to throw her head down and fling the three impaled creatures from her horn. She watched with grim pleasure as they plummeted to their demise on the lawns below.

Doctor: Shouldn’t they have already dissipated when Luna impaled them with her horn?

Ditzy: *whispering* Shhhh. Luna is trying to have a cool moment.

Princess Luna descended quickly to where the two unicorns were, noticing that the Canterlot Royal Guards were now arriving at the scene, a few of the pegasi likely having seen her handiwork crashing to the ground. Even in her haste, though, she made sure to alight on the grass with dignity befitting her station.

Ditzy: Which was ruined when she farted after landing.

“Captain Crimson Horn!”

“Your Highness,” answered a scarlet unicorn in the golden armour of the Royal Guard.

“Thou must commence an entire search of the gardens and city.

Doctor: (Luna) Thy author might forget how many Heartless should be in the scene again!

None of these vile obsidian mongrels are to be left alive. Curfew shouldst be established as well with all haste. No little ponies are to be seen upon our streets until we are certain that our city is free of them.

Ditzy: (Crimson Horn) So no foals should be out on the streets at night. Got it.

Hast thou understood our wishes?”

Doctor: Isn’t that a bit of an overreaction? Why does she assume that more Heartless are out there and that they’re hostile? This could just be an isolated incident. And why does she assume their entire species is evil and should be exterminated on site?

Ditzy: But they are evil. They attack people all the time!

Doctor: She doesn’t know that yet! All she knows is that some unknown strange creatures attacked twoponies. I hardly think these extreme measures are need for such a minute incident.

“Yes, Your Highness,” answered the unicorn, nodding his head. “You heard the princess!” he shouted at his fellow guards.

Ditzy: This unfortunately led to the near extinction of a peaceful race similar to the Heartless called Shadow Wisps.

“Emerald Wing, you take Ivory Coat and Cloudmane and start checking the other areas of the gardens! Heavyweight, you and…”

Luna turned away from the guard captain as he barked out his orders. He knew best how to do his job. Instead, she settled her gaze on the two unicorns that had been out this night and run afoul of these strange beings. “We are concerned,” Luna began, “thy injuries. Are—” She cleared her throat as she remembered that this was not the form of speech of the day.

Ditzy: (Luna) Yo digily how your hurting at!?

“My apologies to you both; old speech habits die hard. Are you hurt much?”

The male unicorn winced. “A little,” he answered her, “but not too badly, I don’t think, Your Highness.”

Doctor: (Luna) We shall give thee CPR just in case.

Ditzy: (Starshine) I really don’t think that’s nes...

Doctor: (Luna) Do as thy Princess tell thee!

“Thank you for coming to help us,” said the female, bowing before the princess. Luna raised a hoof, waving off the formalities.

“Now is not the time for pleasantries,”

Ditzy: (Luna) You mother bucking moron!

she insisted. “Come with me to the castle infirmary. You are both hurt and shall be treated.”

Doctor: (Luna) They shall be taken to the special treatment room to rehabilitate.

Ditzy: (Guard) The one with the one sided mirror?

Doctor: (Luna) Shhh.

Ditzy: (Moondancer) What was that?

Doctor: (Luna) Nothing our little ponies. We hope you enjoy the special room thee are to be given. It will give thee plenty of time alone together.

“But Your Highness,” the male started, “we have class tomorrow and—Moondancer!” He stopped with a gasp as the female winced and dropped her head a little in pain. She had sustained another injury that neither he nor Princess Luna had spotted before, just against the thigh of her left foreleg.

Princess Luna frowned slightly and her horn became shrouded with a blue glow again. Moondancer was covered in the same glow and lifted from her hooves onto Luna’s back. “You shall both be excused from your classes tomorrow,” she assured the mare and stallion. “I will be sure to have a long talk with Princess Celestia about this.”

Ditzy: (Luna) We shall even bring out our royal hoof puppets to perform our daring acts of bravery during the fight!

Luna gave the clearing one last look, snorted agitatedly, and cantered back towards the castle, Starshine following her at a slightly slower pace.

Doctor: (Starshine) Oh sure. Don’t give me a ride even though I’m injured too! Jerk.

Above, the moon continued to shine unconcernedly.

All: (Moon) Screw you world!

-G-M-

So that’s it for the prologue, and I swear I’m going to need brain bleach for this fic.

Doctor: Oh dear...

Ditzy: This is bad.

It’s not going to be really grimdark or anything like that, but I’m seriously going to need brain bleach.

Ditzy: (Author) This fic is going to get reallydirty.

I’ve got to be insane to write two KH adventure fics at the same time.

Ditzy: (Author) Expect me constantly confuse plot points between the two.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

Ditzy: That wasn’t so bad.

Doctor: Wasn’t nearly as terrible as I thought it was going to be.

Ditzy: ...It’s going to get much worse isn’t it.

Doctor: Undoubtedly.

“Did you enjoy the fanfic?” said Mr. X on his viewscreen.

“I rather liked it actually!” Ditzy replied in a chipper mood.

“It was interesting to be sure.” said the Doctor plainly. “It wasn’t what I expected.”

“I’m glad you like it. Me too! I loved Luna’s fight scene. She’s so cool and powerful! I can’t wait to see what happens next!” It seemed Mr. X really enjoyed the story they just read. The Doctor raised an eyebrow at this. Ditzy just looked confused. The Doctor guessed that Mr.X didn’t actually read the story before he sent it to them.

“So....what now?” Ditzy decided now would be good time to ask this. “Do we actually have a place to sleep?”

“Yes, of course” As soon as Mr. X said this a door opened to a living quarters. It was another simple room. It had several bookshelves full of all sorts of different books. It had another monitor and attached to it was a Pony Station 2. It had another shelf full games next to it. Many of them Ditzy recognized. Some of them were her favorites. She even saw some games the Doctor might even like. Strangely there was no couch, only a few fold out chairs.

Doctor walked up book shelf and looked at the assortment of books. They seemed random and not put in any particular order. They all looked well used. In fact many looked like they used to be library books. The Doctor opened one and looked behind the cover of the book. In printed letters it said “Property of Golden Oak Library in Ponyville. If found please return to Librarian Twilight Sparkle at...” So, they were most likely still on Earth. It was the last place he remember being at before his memory became fuzzy. They were walking to Golden Harvest’s carrot farm for a visit.

“Do you like it?!” Mr. X’s voice appeared on the monitor. He sounded eager.

“It’s adequate.” The Doctor said simply.

“Not bad!” Ditzy was intensely investigating the games he had provided them with.

“I’m glad you like it. It should keep you entertained until the next experiment.”

“And that is..?” The Doctor asked.

“Next week and I will be sure to give you more things so you don’t get bored!”

Their captor was certain generous the Doctor surmised. “I see.”

“I have to go now. It’s past my bedtime. See you soon!” With that the screen Mr.X was using went black leaving a very confused Doctor and Ditzy.

“So Doctor. Do you see anything we can use to get out of here?” Ditzy whispered when she trotted up to him.

“Not yet, but I will keep my eyes open.” The Doctor whispered back.

The two explored the rest of the living area. It had a simple kitchen with a well stocked refrigerator and shelves with enough material to make plenty of muffins much to Ditzy’s delite. There was a simple bathroom as well, but what really attracted their attention was the bedroom. It had a single red heart shaped bed with red sheets and pillows. It looked like something somepony might find in a Neighpon love hotel.

Ditzy walked up to the bed and noticed it had a switch. “Hey Doctor. It looks like this bed can spin around in circles!” She thought for a moment. “Why would anypony want that?”

The Doctor just shrugged in response. “Ditzy you can have...”

“No Doctor. I am not letting you sleep on the floor or one of those folding chairs.” Ditzy said firmly. “There is no need to be chivalrous. We are both adults here. We can share the bed.” It didn’t seem like she would compromise on this.

The Doctor rubbed his neck with his hoof. “Fine. Fine.”

Meanwhile Mr. X was observing all of this. He chuckled to himself. Everything was a going according to plan.

“Ye foulest beasts have far overstayed thy welcome. Begone from this place, for thy doom is nigh!”

Episode 3 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 2

Warning. This chapter is very long. This chapter of Guardians of Magic I am riffing is over 13,000 words.So you might want to get comfortable. Maybe get a sandwich and/or a some relaxing tea. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I liked writing it.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to Shire Folk for letting me use his story.

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 3

Ditzy flew through the air with a practiced grace. She didn’t do any tricks like Rainbow Dash would. She just flew through the air without a care in the world. Despite what many ponies may say about her, Ditzy is actually a very skilled flier. Because of her eyes, occasional clumsiness, and horrible sense of direction, many ponies assume she has the flying skills of a drunken cow. At flight school she actually ranked fairly high in her class despite the occasional screw-up.

The garden had a very spacious area perfect for flying. This was good; Ditzy would have gone stir crazy if she didn’t get a chance to fly regularly. She loved to fly. The feel of rushing air and wind through her wings and hair always made her happy. While the garden area may be big, some ponies may call it gigantic, it still wasn’t large enough for her liking. The lack of birds and other animals also depressed her somewhat. She, like Fluttershy, loves animals, and would often join her for bird watching on her days off.

Ditzy landed on the ground gently. Truthfully, while Ditzy is sometimes clumsy, she rarely crashes. Rainbow Dash, the greatest flyer in Equestria supposedly, crashes way more than she ever does and to a degree Ditzy found quite worrying. But for some reason, ponies assume she is the one of the two that is prone to crashes. Ditzy stretched her wings and folded them.

“I wonder what the Doctor is up to.” Ditzy thought while making her way to the exit of the garden. “He’s most likely still working on that strange escape device of his.”

The Doctor had been working on it for the last week and half. He rarely ever took a break. He always got like this when he put his mind on something. The device was certainly a sight to behold. It took up two rooms and it looked like the Doctor wasn’t stopping there. What that monstrous thing did Ditzy couldn’t possibly tell. It was so complicated that looking at it made her head hurt. She wasn’t quite convinced the Doctor knew what this thing was suppose to do.

Ditzy strolled in the Doctor’s workroom.

To say it was a mess would be an extreme understatement. Tools and parts littered the floor in an indiscernible pattern and the Doctor’s device took up most of the room. There was almost no room to walk at all. Ditzy consider that this must be what some ponies called organized chaos.

“Doctor?” Ditzy called out. She couldn’t tell where he is.

“Yes?” A muffled reply said. The Doctor popped out a small open area in that monstrous device he was working on.

“There you are.” Ditzy noticed he was very messy. His mane was unkempt and he was covered in grease. “The experiment is going to start soon. In about 20 minutes. “

“Really?” The Doctor said tone that was both surprised and amused. “Boy does time fly.”

“For somepony that has an hourglass for a cutie mark, you certainly are bad at keeping time Doctor.” Ditzy thought to herself.

“You might want to clean yourself up before the experiment.” Ditzy suggested.

The Doctor looked at his companion curiously before looking at himself. “Oh dear. You might be right about that. See you in the jiffy.” The Doctor rushed out the room after saying this.

Ditzy just shook her head. She wondered what he would do without her. When he got caught up in something, he often forgets to take care of himself. He often forgets little things like bathing, eating, and sleeping. Sure, he claims he doesn’t need to sleep much. But four and half hours of sleep a day doesn’t seem healthy. Though she couldn’t help but admire his enthusiasm and dedication. She sighed. Why can’t he put some of that energy into personal health and hygiene?

“Hello my little test subjects! It’s time for the latest experiment.” Mr. X now known as Dinky said in her usual distorted voice.

“Hi Dinky.” The Doctor and Ditzy said together in a bored tone.

“Please call me Mr. X. “

“No.” The Doctor responded simply.

“Dinky is a lot cuter.” Ditzy agreed.

Dinky didn’t say anything for a moment before giving out a resigned, “Fine.”

“What happened to Pinkie?” The Doctor asked in a stern tone.

Dinky gave out an evil laugh. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “If you hurt her anyway I will make sure you regret it.” He said in an even, harsh tone.

Dinky actually gulped at this. The Doctor was always good at being intimidating when he wanted to be.

“Sh-she’s fine.” Dinky responded quickly. “I just sent her on her way.”

“Good.” The Doctor said simply.

“Anyway! Today’s experiment is…” Dinky said before Ditzy cut her off.

“This might seem a bit out of the blue, but I have a quick question.” Ditzy said with a smile. “What is your favorite type of muffin?” The Doctor looked at Ditzy incredulously.

“It’s um…blueberry.” Dinky said in a surprisingly soft tone.

“Really? That’s mine too!” Ditzy said enthusiastically. “I will make you some after the experiment.”

“I would like that.” Dinky sounded happy. “Today’s experiment will be second chapter of Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk. Enjoy.”

The experiment alarm went off. “Muffins?” The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

“You have your escape plan. I have mine.” Ditzy said happily. The two rushed into the theater.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And… here we go.

Ditzy: Over 13,000 words...Dear Celestia I don’t think I will be able to survive this!

Doctor: Why Shire Folk? Why?

Disclaimer: I don’t own it at all. Not My Little Pony, not Kingdom Hearts, not Prince, nuthin’.

Doctor: (Shire Folk) In fact, I live in a cardboard box by a river.

-G-M-

Chapter Two: Never Seen That Before

“But professor,” Daring Doo asked in bewilderment,

Ditzy: Don’t you mean Daring Do?

“what you’re talking about is beyond the realm of possibility. The Flare of Alzabad isn’t even substantially a well-known myth or legend. References to it over the past few centuries have been vaguer than obscure;

Ditzy: (Daring Do) It’s Ponypedia page is sparse and has few reliable sources.

it’s no Sapphire Statue of ancient Aztail ponies or ancestral Goblet of the Gryphon kings of old.”

Doctor: (Daring Do) Even the Knight Templar’s secret treasure has more evidence of its existence.

“Precisely, Daring,” Professor Bitsworth replied, strangely still with a calm and sensible demeanor.

Ditzy: Despite the fact he wore a clown suit and had a rubber chicken in his hooves.

“The Flare of Alzabad isthe object of highly obscure references, so much so that it almost appears as though the Flare itself is only a rumor even to the ponies who have written about it.

Doctor: That obscure? Hardly seems worth pursuing.

However, I have uncovered that Alzabad the Wondrous’ legendary flare

Ditzy: Uh, it doesn’t seems like much of a legendary if barely anypony has even heard of it.

Doctor: I don’t think Professor Bitsworth knows what the word ‘legendary’ means.

has had at least four other names in its history, one of which being the Nebulus Horn.”

Ditzy: Uh, I don’t understand. How is a flare the same thing as a horn?

Doctor: Maybe it’s a mistranslation.

Daring Doo’s magenta eyes bulged for a moment. She opened her mouth, almost shouting out her stunned question. “The Nebulus Horn is really the Flare of Alzabad?” The professor nodded confidently.

Ditzy: (Bitsworth) I didn’t get my doctorate out a strip mall for nothing!

“I’m sure of it,” he answered her. “I’ve spent the last five months pouring over the writings of Hoofer, Gemstone, Quillton, Bayclop, Virgil, Eeyupidies, and Aristrotle, as well as over a dozen other scrolls written anonymously. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I were not one hundred percent convinced of my conviction. The similarities are too numerous when you look at them.

Doctor: What similarities exactly? You have been rather vague about that.

Alzabad the Wondrous’ remarkable Flare, that gave the unicorn the ability to—

Doctor: To understand any language, if it is written or said backwards.

Ditzy: The ability to change the color of any object to rainbow temporarily.

Rainbow Dash looked up suddenly from her book, Daring Doo and the Wizard’s Flare, thinking that she heard an unfamiliar sound.

Ditzy: Big Mac was playing ‘In Your Eyes’ outside her window on a boombox.

The cyan pegasus swivelled her head around for a few seconds, eyes scanning the horizon for what might have caused it, if she weren’t just imagining it.

Doctor: It was just Pinkie with that flying...contraption of hers.

She was about to shrug and return eagerly to the exploits of her favourite adventurer when she heard the sound again. It was the faint call of trumpets, and it sounded like it was coming from Canterlot.

Doctor: Not actually from Canterlot hopefully, that would be silly.

She looked towards the silhouette of the royal city sitting against the mountain in the distance and let out a soft gasp. “I haven’t seen that before,” she said, watching as the small forms of many chariots took into the air. Her eyes flicked back and forth between each individual dot. She’d never seen that many chariots before; she hadn’t thought that Canterlot even had that many.

Doctor: Celestia is taking the threat of the Heartless veryseriously...even if it leaves the capital almost defenceless.

Ditzy: I sure hope giant, magic cockatrices don’t attack again.

“Something big’s going down,” Rainbow muttered to herself. She stood up on the cloud she’d been lying down on, picked up her Daring Doo book in her mouth,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I love the taste of Daring Do in the mourning.

and transferred it to her saddlebags. Getting them on, she looked once more at Canterlot, and noticed that a larger chariot than the others seemed to be heading in her direction.

I’d better tell Twilight about this, she thought.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Princess Celestia has obviously gone mad and is trying to start the Solar Empire!

Flapping her wings, the fastest flier in Equestria took off and streaked for the Ponyville library. It certainly didn’t take her long until the large tree was in sight, and Rainbow Dash didn’t slow down a smidge as she made a flight for the door. “Incoming!” she shouted at the top of her lungs, noticing that the picture of a lit candle on the door was getting awfully close.

Doctor: It’s almost as if she wants severe head trauma when she keeps doing this.

The top half of the door suddenly swung open just in time for Rainbow Dash to enter without completely busting the doors down, as she had done a few times before. She felt resistance behind her less than a second after entering the library, shelves and shelves of books arrayed in a circular pattern around the central reading room in the tree’s trunk. Rainbow Dash spared a glance behind at her tail, seeing that it was covered in a magenta glow as Twilight Sparkle used her magic to grasp hold of the pegasus and slow her down.

Ditzy: (Rainbow Dash) My spine! I can’t feel my legs anymore!

“Whoa there Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, gritting her teeth and digging her hooves into the wooden floor. She sighed as Rainbow came to a complete stop. “What’s the rush? Finished Daring Doo and the Wizard’s Flare already?

Ditzy: It turns out the Flare of Alzabad is really bell-bottoms.

I know it’s a hard one to put down, but you only got it out two days ago.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) I thought it would takes months given you reading capability.

Rainbow Dash dropped onto her hooves. She shook her prismatic-haired head. “No Twilight, it’s not that, although the book is really good.”

Twilight smiled excitedly. “Oh it’s good alright. The way that Daring figures out how the Nebulus Horn can be used to—”

“Gyah!” Rainbow shouted, shoving a hoof into her friend’s mouth.

Doctor: Ugh, I hate it when ponies do that. A shhh will suffice.

“No spoilers Twilight! Don’t spoil this one like you did with Chamber of Spellfire.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) And don’t me started on the ‘Harry Trotter and the Half-Blood Prince’ fiasco.

Rainbow Dash removed her hoof from Twilight’s mouth. Twilight giggled knowingly.

“Alright, I won’t give any spoilers. So, what’s up?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow Dash) Me! Ha! Walked into that one!

Rainbow Dash looked at her quizzically. “You mean you don’t know? Didn’t the Princess send you a letter or something?”

Doctor: Yeah, strange that.

Twilight Sparkle’s forehead knitted together. “Spike! Did Princess Celestia send a letter today?” Spike walked into the room from where he’d been organizing the shipment of new quills and parchment that had just arrived.

Ditzy: And much to Twilight's annoyance, a new sofa.

Peewee sat perched on his shoulder.

“Letter from Princess Celestia?” he asked. “Nope. Haven’t gotten one of those today. Derpy

Ditzy: (Groans) That’s not my name!

did come by with a letter for you though. Why? Is something wrong?”

“I got a letter,” Twilight asked. “Who from?”

Doctor: (Spike) It says you may already be a winner.

“Twilight, I really think you should…”

“It’s from your brother,” Spike said, coming over to the unicorn with the letter in claw.

“My brother!” Twilight gasped. “I got a letter from Shining Armor and you didn’t tell me right away?” The letter escaped Spike’s grasp as Twilight snatched it from him with her magic. She grabbed a letter opener with her telekinesis and slit the envelope open.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Maybe it’s Shining announcing that Cadance is having a foal. (Squees)

Rainbow Dash snorted in impatience. True, she’d never known that Twilight Sparkle even had a brother,

Doctor: I guess this takes place before the wedding.

but now was not the time to be reading letters from family! She couldn’t believe this. Princess Celestia hadn’t sent a letter to Twilight when it was clear that something major was going on? What in Equestria could have distracted her from sending a simple letter?

Doctor: Don’t be so hard on her. It’s Wednesday and she has bowling league today.

All the chariots in Canterlot had just flown out, by Celestia, and Rainbow Dash was going to make the egghead listen to her tell her what the Princess should have done already. She stomped a hoof down on the library’s hardwood floor

Ditzy: Causing her to accidentally fall through the floor.

and demanded the unicorn’s attention with a sharp bark of, “Twilight!”

Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash with annoyance, just about to start reading the letter. “What’s this about, Rainbow?” Rainbow Dash facehoofed. She didn’t have time for this.

“It looks like the entire Royal Guard is mobilizing!” she answered. “I saw more chariots than I even thought existed in Canterlot flying out of there, and it looked like one of them was on its way here.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh no...The Princess didn’t send me a letter….that means she didn’t want me to know that her guards were coming! They’ve come to bring me back to Canterlot in chains! She’ll put me on trial and of course the verdict will be guilty. I will be thrown in the deepest darkest dungeon the Princess can find. Or worse, banished from Equestria for the rest of my life! Faced to live with the shame of what I have done and nopony would ever befriend a horrible criminal like me. I will be forced to live in some remote location on top of a mountain or something all alone and unloved for the rest of my life!

Ditzy: (Spike whispering) She’s worried about the Princess finding out about all the movies she has pirated.

A knocking sound came from the door. Rainbow Dash sighed in resignation. “Told ya.”

“Rainbow Dash, you’re exaggerating,” Twilight said confidently. “If something major was happening involving Ponyville, I’m sure Princess Celestia would have sent letters to both me and the mayor.”

Doctor: The Princess didn’t think the channel was safe. She was taking no risks with these ‘Shadows’.

She turned towards the door. “The library’s open, so come on in. Knocking’s a little unnecessary at the moment.”

Doctor: Why does everyone knock? It’s a public library.

A white pegasus stallion opened the door. He was wearing the golden armour of the Royal Guards and wearing a stern expression on his face. “Miss Twilight Sparkle, Miss Rainbow Dash, I’ve been ordered to bring you, Spike,

Ditzy: I’m actually surprised they’re actually bringing him along. He usually gets left behind.

Doctor: Poor guy.

and the other Bearers of the Elements of Harmony to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”

All: (Stallion) In chains!

“Captain Cloudhammer,” Twilight said, surprised at the appearance of the Pegasus. “Um, of course we’ll come, but whatever for? Is there a problem with Discord?”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That’s your first assumption?

“That’s not for me to say,” he answered her. “My orders are to bring the Bearers of the

Elements of Harmony to the Princesses so that they can explain the situation to you personally.

Ditzy: (Cloudhammer) Dead or alive.

Now, if you will kindly bring Spike with you, we can be on our way as soon as your friends arrive.”

Doctor: (Twilight) We can’t bring Spike! Somepony has to watch over library! Spike watch over the library while we deal with the situation in Canterlot.

Ditzy: (Spike dejected) Okay Twilight.

Rainbow Dash shared a look with Twilight, the thought I knew it, going through her skull.

-G-M-

On the road between Ponyville and Canterlot, a lone mare sat and watched the sky. Her violet eyes stared as chariots raced through the sky towards settlements in all corners of Equestria.

Doctor: Again, is this necessary?

This certainly was not a sight she had laid eyes on every day; the odd chariot flying overhead here or there was not particularly uncommon for her, but the sheer volume of pegasus-drawn golden chariots were enough to even give the Great and Powerful Trixie pause.

Doctor: She cared little about anything besides herself.

The showpony with an azure coat and pale cornflower blue mane got to her hooves again after another minute of watching the skies and resumed her walk to the capital. Trixie

Ditzy: (Groans) Not her again. Why is she in this story?

Doctor: This is going to be a long chapter.

had definitely seen better days. Her purple, star-studded cloak was frayed and patched in a couple of places,

Ditzy: Trixie insisted it gave the cloak character.

and her coat and mane could have used a decent brushing. She’d never been able to replace her hat or her cart after that Ursa Minor had smashed them when she’d last been in Ponyville.

Doctor: In retrospect it was a bad idea not to get bear attack insurance on her cart.

“Canterlot will be better than Blazerborough,” she said confidently, remembering why she was on the road. “Canterlot is definitely a place where a pony like Trixie can find work.

Ditzy: I think Donut Joe’s has an opening.

Blazerborough is too small to offer Trixie more than a warm bed for a few nights.”

Doctor: It was only populated by 2 ponies and they only lived there to run the post office.

She continued forward and ignored the growling of her stomach, though a minute later she did root into her cloak for a moment with her magic and produce a small blue pouch tied at the top with a piece of string. Trixie stopped and took the pouch into her hooves, untying the string at the top with her magic.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pinecones for dinner again.

She sighed and retied the string after looking into the pouch for a few seconds. The pouch whisked back into its place under her cloak in the azure mare’s magic’s light purple grasp. “Canterlot had better be better than Blazerborough, Manehattan, Trottingham, and Clopland.”

All: Clopland?

Ditzy: No comment.

Her voice wavered slightly while she spoke. Recognizing the sign of weakness,

Doctor: (Trixie) Bad Trixie! Trixie needs to remain strong so she can get her revenge on Twilight Sparkle!

Trixie quickly glanced around to make sure that nopony had overheard her.

Doctor: Trixie was a very paranoid pony. She was sure Twilight’s spies were everywhere. Watching her every move.

When her spot check revealed no ponies on the road at all, she breathed easier and set off again at a trot.

Canterlot was her best bet at the moment. There was no way that she could return to Ponyville, not after the fiasco that had happened there last time, and she couldn’t be sure that the ponies of the bumpkin town would be very hospitable to a pony that had inadvertently caused an Ursa to crankily rampage through their home.

Ditzy: And you acted like a complete stuck up jerk to everypony.

Doctor: Does any town actually accept her backafter one of her performances?

With a little luck, charm, and her talents at her disposal,

Ditzy: And her skills at pole dancing.

Doctor: Now that was uncalled for.

Trixie would be able to earn enough bits to get a new cloak, hat, and eat well for a while; maybe even treat herself to a day at the spa and afford a new wagon.

Doctor: Do you know what they say about insanity?

Ditzy: Um. Something about doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result?

Doctor: Exactly.

Fortunately, though, the walk right now was pleasant. The sun was shining in the sky, only a few wispy cirrus clouds high in the atmosphere above her. The leaves on the trees Trixie passed by were a vibrant green, the grass and flowers smelled wonderful even from where she trotted on the road,

Ditzy: At least she has something to eat now.

and a few robins were singing back and forth to one another within the range of her hearing. It was a beautiful mid-morning to travel the roads of Equestria.

Doctor: Trixie swore all this happiness and beauty would burn when she rises to power.

Trixie’s ears twitched as a twig snapped somewhere off the road to her right, and a tree exploded in a flurry of wings as a whole flight of sparrows took off from their roosts. The unicorn turned her gaze towards the source of the sound, suddenly fearful that anypony who was there was stalking her and had overheard her.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Twilight Sparkle’s spies have heard too much!

“Trixie knows that you are there,” she declared. “Do you not know that you are standing before the Great and Powerful Trixie? Show yourself!”

Doctor: It’s hard to seem threatening when you look like a complete hobo.

There was no response.

Ditzy: Much like the reactions to her latest shows.

Trixie waited a few seconds longer, and then haughtily turned her nose up and resumed her trot. So what if somepony was there?

Doctor: All would fall under Trixie’s might even if they were just a figment of her imagination.

She probably hadn’t overheard Trixie’s quiet murmurs, reflecting the poor financial straight she found herself in at the moment, and even if she had, she didn’t have the pride to come forward and admit that she was there.

Ditzy: Admittance is the first step to recovery Trixie.

Regardless, Trixie would be on her way towards better prospects long before that pony could come out from behind the…

Her trot ceased abruptly as a black shadow wiggled its way out of the grass and onto the road in front of her. Trixie looked around in surprise. She had never seen a creature that could produce a shadow like that on the ground, or for one to be so dark when the sun was so brightly shining above. She controlled her surprise when the shadow on the ground came out of it to stand before her, its bulbous head with two antennae wiggling slightly as it looked at her.

Ditzy: It was wearing a ‘Trixie is best pony’ t-shirt.

Trixie looked down on it disdainfully. “So you’re what was spying on the Great and Powerful Trixie just now? Hmph! You’re not even a pony,

Ditzy: Trixie was a very racist pony.

and are hardly worthy of Trixie’s time and decent conversation. Away with you!

Doctor: (Trixie) Begone non-pony filth.

The Great and Powerful Trixie has important business to attend to in Canterlot, and you are in her way.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Trixie has a card boa- Trixie means luxurious hotel room in Canterlot with her name on it.

The black creature that had arisen from its own shadow did not budge, only continued to look at her with its piercing yellow eyes.

The way it was looking at her unnerved the azure unicorn for a moment, but she’d stood her ground in front of an Ursa Minor even if she had been completely incapable of defeating it;

Ditzy: If you put it that way it seems like Trixie isn’t a complete coward that was trembling in fear the whole time.

this little cockroach would be of little effort to remove from her path. “Very well,” Trixie said, “if you refuse to acknowledge the magical powers of Trixie and cease impeding her, then Trixie shall demonstrate for you.” Her horn glowed violet, and she picked up the Shadow with her magic and set it down six hooves to the right of the road. It continued to stare at her from its new location, and Trixie gave only a tiny nod at it before hurrying on her way.

Doctor: Yep, problem solved. There is absolutely no way that thing will bother you any longer. No sir.

There had been no need for her to get overly fancy with her magic; the creature obviously wasn’t intelligent enough to…

Ditzy: Trixie, it doesn’t take much intelligence for something to rip your face off. This is coming from experience.

It was in front of her again.

Trixie balked and glanced back at where she’d just placed it, only to realize that that one was still where she’d left it, twenty hooves behind her. She growled, and picked this second one up with her magic and placed it on the opposite side of the road.

Doctor: (Heartless) I just wanted to ask for directions jerk.

Her gait fell into a canter. One of those black creatures was enough to spook anypony, but two of them? It didn’t matter that they were smaller than Trixie; they made her afraid in a way that the Ursa Minor never had.

All: Really?

Ditzy: Personally I think giant creatures with sharp claws and teeth are scarier.

A third and a fourth rose up on the road in front of her.

The unicorn veered away from the road to avoid them,

Ditzy: (Heartless) Is it something we said?

now quickening into a full gallop and then returning to the road. She’d always enjoyed audiences, but audiences full of smiling, laughing, and hoofing ponies,

Ditzy: All things your would never find at one of her shows. Trust me, I was there.

not whatever these black things were. Trixie spared a glance behind her and saw that there were more than four shadows on the ground following her, and they were keeping pace!

Doctor: It isn’t looking good for Trixie.

Trixie puffed and turned her eyes up towards Canterlot. She wasn’t in shape to be running any sorts of marathons, and her stomach rumbled again to remind her how empty it was, but she just had to reach Canterlot, she had too.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Canterlot five miles? Ponyfeathers!

So intent was her concentration on running that she didn’t notice the Shadow that appeared in front of her, and she charged right into it.

Doctor: She was so intent on running she ran into something right in front of her?

The impact staggered her weakened limbs and Trixie’s impact with the road crushed the air out of her lungs, while the Shadow she’d trampled looked dazed as it lay on its back upon the ground.

Doctor: Time to get the Heartless’s insurance information.

The azure unicorn tried to take a step to get back onto her hooves, and tried and failed to suppress a cry of pain. She must have strained a muscle in her leg when she’d suddenly collided with the creature, and now her legs wouldn’t support her run for sure.

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Of course, the old twisting an ankle while running away from a monster trope.

Already there was a light sheen of sweat on her coat. The injured unicorn watched as the creatures surrounded her in a ring. She counted eight of them altogether now, slowly inching towards her with claws outstretched and ready to pounce.

Ditzy: Ready to pounce like a cat on its prey.

Her fear vanished underneath a cloud of anger. She snarled as her azure horn became surrounded by a violet glow. “All Trixie had been trying to do was get to Canterlot so that she could begin anew, but since you all seem so eager to see the magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie, I can do nothing but oblige you!”

Doctor: (Trixie) The Great and Powerful Trixie’s gonna give you such a pinch!

Trixie’s horn shone brightly while the lines of a circular glyph bearing her cutie mark of a magic wand and crescent moon within illuminated the ground beneath her body. “Prepare to be awestruck by the magic of Trixie!”

Ditzy: She creates a smoke screen and runs off.

she shouted, her horn glowing even brighter and her eyes open wide in anger. Trip her up, delay her, and frighten Trixie will they? She’d show them. She’ll create enough charged nimbus clouds to destroy all of them with their lightning, and then the black shadows would chase Trixie no more. She’d be free to travel alone and in quiet once more.

Doctor: I’m no expert on magic...but I don’t think she has that sort of power.

Ditzy: Trixie’s all talk.

The black clouds were already forming in the sky above Trixie as she worked her magic. They swirled together, forms of condensed obsidian water vapor with particles vibrating against one another as each individual cloud formed. Number three, number four, number five, number six…

Trixie

Ditzy: Couldn’’t count any higher than that.

let out a gasp of pain as one of the eight from behind her leapt forward and scratched at her flank with a claw. The sixth cloud dissipated just after it had finished forming as Trixie’s concentration broke from the sudden injury. Her already frayed cloak tore along the scratch, and she gasped as the pouch that contained the meagre amount of bits she still had saved up was dislodged and fell to the ground. The Shadow swiped at her again, and somehow missed, its claws cutting into the pouch and flinging it into the grass instead. Trixie glared daggers at the black creature that was eye-to-eye with her while what remained of her money fell from her broken pouch like golden drops of rain,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Trixie’s 5 bits! Trixie will make you pay for that!

and a lightning bolt from one of the five remaining clouds zapped the creature right in the middle of its head. The creature burst apart into wisps of darkness, and the sudden change in its form shocked Trixie back slightly. Her cloud dissolved, only one good bolt in it because she’d worked on trying to create so many.

Doctor: It was pretty stupid to use this spell like that then.

Another came at her from behind, and Trixie leveled her gaze on it. Another one of her clouds smote it with a lightning strike, turning it into wisps much like the first one,but there were still six more of them, and she had only three clouds left.

Ditzy: Maybe she can combo some of them.

Trixie bit back another shriek of pain as the claws of a different one connected with her left shoulder, and an angry tear welled up in her eyes even as it was blasted away by a third lightning bolt.The Great and Powerful Trixie, laid low by black things three-quarters her size and surely without her talent. Trixie had thought that she’d been climbing up from having fallen to rock bottom, but to have it all taken from her again and end like this…

Doctor: Oh, don’t feel so bad Trixie. There are a lot more humiliating ways to die then this. Like tripping on brick for example.

She let the tear fall and glared once more at the creatures darting around her prone form. “I won’t forgive you for this.” Her horn glowed bright one last time, and a blast of violet light shot out from it, spearing right through the Shadow directly in front of her.

Doctor: (Heartless) Gah… and I was only…. two… weeks from... retirement.

For a moment, Trixie almost thought that she saw something solid within the light, but weariness overcame her from the effort and she saw no more.

Ditzy: (Lowers her ears) Even Trixie doesn’t deserve that...

Doctor: (Hums Amazing Grace)

-G-M-

“Hey, what’s that down there?”

Twilight looked in the direction Pinkie Pie was pointing. It hadn’t taken Captain Cloudhammer and his fellow Pegasus Guards long to gather her other four best friends and assemble them on the large golden chariot Princess Celestia usually rode on.

Doctor: But Pinkie insisted on throwing a party for all the guards, so they didn’t take off until after sunset.

Rainbow Dash had argued initially as to why she and Fluttershy should even ride the chariot when they could already fly, but a short sentence and glare from Captain Cloudhammer silenced the usually brash pegasus pony.

Down below on the road she could make out a flash of purple light, and she thought that she could see small black dots moving around a blue and purple mass in the centre of the road. “What do you suppose that is?” Rarity asked, leaning towards Twilight and Spike.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) It’s Trixie getting mauled to death by some weird black creatures. That’s awesome! Let’s go down and watch!

Twilight shook her head. “I’m not sure,” she said. “Captain Cloudhammer!” she called, loud enough so the Royal Guard Captain could hear her. “What’s going on down there?”

“It isn’t your concern,” he answered her. “We are to bring the Bearers to the Princesses as quickly as possible.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I can hear screaming!

Doctor: (Cloudhammer) Who cares!

Ditzy: (Twilight) I think that pony is drawing blood!

Doctor: (Cloudhammer) Pfft. Whatever.

The Royal Guards will handle it.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “What the hay’s going on? And if the Royal Guards are supposed to handle it, doesn’t that mean you guys?”

Doctor: (Guard) What me? No no. I only drive chariots. I didn’t sign up for anything dangerous!

“Captain,” one of the pegasi pulling the chariot with Cloudhammer spoke up, “it’s a unicorn being attacked by those Shadows.”

“Shadows?” Applejack asked. Captain Cloudhammer ignored her and looked instead at his subordinate.

“Are you sure Lieutenant Firefly?”

“My eyes are sharp, sir. I’m not lying.” The captain seemed to dwell on this information for a second before he turned his head back towards Twilight’s group.

“Keep your hooves steady, Miss Sparkle, we’re going down!” Twilight and the others barely had time to hold on as the chariot suddenly nosedived for the unicorn on the ground.

Ditzy: Crashing into her.

The wind whipped through her mane, and she could hear Rarity wailing about how it would take her forever to fix her mane so that she could be presentable to Princess Celestia. Peewee was shrieking excitedly while Spike tried to keep him close.

Doctor: Why is Peewee with them?

Ditzy: I guess Shire Folk needed to keep him in the story somehow.

Twilight looked back at the baby dragon and was horrified to see him being left behind by the chariot.

Doctor: That is what you get for not wearing your seatbelt Spike.

“Spike!” Her horn glowed with magenta light and she quickly caught both him and the phoenix hatchling with her magic. The pair quickened in their descent with her help, and a second later they were hanging on for dear life with the screaming ponies, except for Pinkie.

Doctor: Sometimes I wonder if she even understands the concept of ‘danger’.

“Woohoo!” crowed the pink earth pony, reared up on her hind legs with her hooves in the air. She looked like she was having the time of her life.

Doctor: Of...course.

“Pinkie, what are you doing?” Applejack yelled. “How are you still standing?”

All: Pinkie Pie. Don’t ask.

“Applejack! Put your hooves in the air like this! It’s incredible! Weeee—EE!” The chariot suddenly jerked up as Captain Cloudhammer and his pegasi righted themselves not two hooves up from the ground and touched down. Before Twilight could even adjust to the change in g-forces that assaulted her body, the Pegasus Royal Guards had already unhitched themselves from the chariots and were galloping the short distance to the unicorn.

Doctor: Some of the guards could have just flown to Trixie’s aid right away and just left the chariot behind leaving it to catch up later.

Rarity leaned over the edge of the chariot, her white face looking somewhat green. “Rainbow Dash, please never ask them to do something like that again.”

Doctor: Yes, Cloudhammer your job is to protectthe Elements of Harmony, not recklessly endanger their lives.

“I don’t know what your problem is, Rarity, but what the hay are those black things?”

Ditzy: Sure Spike almost died,but it was fun and nopony got hurt. So, no big deal.

Twilight blinked stars out of her eyes and turned her gaze away from her friends and towards the unicorn. She couldn’t help but gasp. She couldn’t ever remember reading anything that had a description like the five creatures Cloudhammer’s pegasi were currently engaged with.

Doctor: Even ‘The Third Edition of Terribly Troublesome Terrifying and Treacherous Creatures’ didn’t have anything on them.

They lashed out at the Royal Guards with clawed fingers and waddled or hopped on overlarge feet.

Ditzy: It was more adorable than scary.

One pegasus turned and kicked at one, only for his hooves to strike nothing as the black creature sank into the ground and took the shape of its own shadow.

“What are these things?” she asked aloud.

“I don’t know Twilight,” Fluttershy commented, “but I’ve certainly never seen anything like them before.”

“They are kinda funny looking, though,” Pinkie Pie said. Captain Cloudhammer kicked one full in its face with both his rear hooves, and the creature simply vanished! Twilight shook her head, eyes wide in bewilderment.

In no book I’ve read was there ever a mention of a creature that turned into nothing when it was hit! That’s impossible!

Doctor: Please don’t start this again.

“What was that just now?” she asked. “What are these things? What’s going on?”

“We’ll handle these!” Captain Cloudhammer yelled at her. “Miss Sparkle, you and your friends see to our friend here.”

Doctor: (Cloudhammer) It would be far too interesting for you to actually do something.

“Uh, right,” said Applejack. She leapt out of the chariot. “Come on everypony!” The cowpony led the charge right past the Royal Guards, and was the first to gasp when they arrived at the unconscious unicorn. Twilight nosed past her and ignored Rainbow Dash’s groan and facehoof. She’d only seen this particular unicorn once when she’d come to Ponyville,

Doctor: I’m guessing Trixie isn’t dead after all.

Ditzy: I’m not sure if I should be happy about this.

but there was no way Twilight Sparkle could mistake that cloak, coat, mane, and cutie-mark.

Ditzy: That pompous, self important attitude she radiates even in her sleep.

“Trixie,” she gasped softly. Twilight glanced back. “Captain Cloudhammer, she needs help right away!”

The pegasus grunted as he reared onto his hind legs and flapped his wings hard, pushing back the last Shadow in front of him with a gust of wind. One of his other pegasi caught it in the back with a nicely-timed kick, and the being vanished in that inexplicable wisp of smoke.

Doctor: (Heartless) Tell my wife I...argh.

Cloudhammer and his team ran at a canter to Twilight’s position, and with a nod he agreed with Celestia’s protégé. “It’s not part of our mandated mission, but protecting the ponies of Equestria is still our first duty. Firefly, Quickbeam, load her onto the chariot,

Ditzy: (Imitates a crashing sound)(Trixie) Gah!

and be gentle about it.

Ditzy: (Quickbeam) Oops, sorry!

Miss Dash, Miss Fluttershy, I’m afraid you’ll have to fly alongside us this time.”

Ditzy: Um, no offence to Fluttershy or anything, but won’t that make the trip take twice as long? Fluttershy isn’t exactly a powerful flier and Trixie really needs medical attention.

Fluttershy meekly nodded her head and took a step back from the captain, intimidated by his stern demeanour and reputation as a Royal Guard from the moment she’d laid eyes on him.

Doctor: And she really made a dragon cry once?

Ditzy: Yep! She can be quite tough when the chips are down and her friends are endangered.

Doctor: I just don’t see it.

“Twilight, are you sure about this?” Rarity asked. “Think of all the trouble she caused us.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) She turned my mane green Twilight… Green! Let her die!

Twilight glared at her friend with admonishing eyes. “Rarity, she’s injured! Trixie may have been bragging and lied about defeating an Ursa, but it was Snips and Snails who brought it into Ponyville; and in case you forgot, she still tried her best to beat it and protect Ponyville.”

Doctor: (Twilight) And it’s not like she’s secretly planning revenge on me or anything.

“But Twilight…”

“Ah know yer still upset about her turning yer mane green Rarity,” Applejack said, “but Ah’m with Twi on this one. Sure she may have been a bit of a stick in the mud, but she’s hurtin’ pretty bad now, and what kinda ponies would we be if we just left her here?”

Doctor: (Rarity) You’re right darling. It wouldn’t be very generous of me to leave her hurt like this.

“Thank you Applejack,” Twilight said gratefully, noticing that Rarity was nodding a little. Her eyes flicked to Trixie’s sleeping form and then back to the ground at her hooves.

“I suppose you’re right, Applejack,” she said. “But if she insults my mane again, I cannot promise that I will restrain myself.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) I have a special basement prepared for just such an occasion.

“Good enough,” Applejack agreed, grinning at the unicorn.

“Miss Sparkle,” Captain Cloudhammer’s iron voice cut into them once again. “We must move on. We’ve already lost time dealing with these creatures.”

Ditzy: (Cloudhammer) My Little Human starts in two hours.

“What are they anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked. The captain shook his head.

“We’re not entirely sure ourselves,” he answered, “but we do know that they’re dangerous and threatening Equestria. It is their appearance that has warranted the summoning of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony

Doctor: (Cloudhammer) And let’s face it, you pretty much handle any threat that comes to Equestria.

and, as I have made clear before, it is my duty to get you to Celestia.”

“Yes, of course,” Twilight agreed before he could pressure them again. “Let’s go everypony. Hopefully Princess Celestia will be able to clear all of this up.”

Doctor: (Celestia) I have no idea what these creatures are. I was hoping you would be able to help solve this mystery my most faithful student.

-G-M-

“Sora-nii-chan! Wake up! Wake up!”

Seriously, wake up, said a voice inside of his head, sounding as if it were barely restraining laughter. You’re not going to believe this!

Ditzy: (Voice) You’re in a bad fanfic.

Sora groaned and blearily opened his eyes before shutting them immediately. He recognized that he was having a splitting headache. Shut up Roxas,

Ditzy: What.

he retorted. I’m not in the mood right now.

Suit yourself, chortled his Nobody.

Ditzy: He can talk to his Nobody now? Oh, I guess Shire Folk is one those fans that couldn’t let Roxas’s ‘death’ go.

Another shove struck Sora’s shoulder and the voice of his younger sister

Ditzy: What. Sora...doesn’t have one.

Doctor: I guess now he does.

continued in its persistence in telling him to get up. Sora rubbed a hoof to his face. “Alright I’m—”

Wait, hoof?

Doctor: Yep, get used to being a quadruped kid.

Ditzy: He’s been one of those before. So he shouldn’t fall on his face as much as you did Doctor.

Doctor: (Grumbles)

The thought startling him completely awake, Sora snapped his eyes open and tried his best to ignore the pounding in his head,

Ditzy: (Sora) Roxas! Stopping playing loud music in my head!

a pounding he duly noticed was slowly getting weaker.

Doctor: (Pounding) No...losing...strength….

He noticed that the thing he’d rubbed into his face wasn’t a hand as he’d first thought, but was indeed a horse’s hoof, with a coat of brown fur. In front of his cerulean eyes stood a little filly with a light cyan coat and a mane of banana-yellow with twin streaks of vanilla running through it. Her tail curled out behind her, its colour only that of the yellow atop her head. On her cheeks by her violet eyes were a trio of darkened freckles, and a rounded horn was sticking out from the top of her head. Against her flank was the image of a very unique skeleton key

Ditzy: (Groans) Again with that?

Doctor: I think Shire Folk believes that a suitable substitute for ‘keyblade’.

Ditzy: He’s wrong.

that he immediately recognized as Thunderbell, and on her back was a strap that held up two small, white, rectangular saddlebags, each bag with her Keyblade’s image printed on it.

Doctor: Her cutie mark has a keyblade that looks like exercising equipment?

Ditzy: Not what I expected for such a cute little filly

Sora shook his head twice to clear it quickly before he sat up and stared at his little sister.

Doctor: (Sora) Wait a minute...I don’t have a sister!

“Rei, you’re a little unicorn!” The filly giggled and bounced up and down on her hooves.

“I know! Isn’t it great! Look! Riku and Kairi are ponies too!”

Ditzy: Kairi’s here too? Really?

Doctor: Maybe Shire Folk was tired of her being ignored all the time.

Sora frowned as Roxas began laughing from within his head…heart…wherever. “Now Rei, we aren’t ponies. We’re horses, and you’re a unicorn foal.”

“Onii-chan,

Ditzy: Why...is she using Neighpon honorifics?

Doctor: I guess it’s suppose to be an ‘endearing’ character trait.

All: (Groans)

you’ve got wings like Pegasus,” Rei countered,

Doctor: Don’t you mean ‘like a pegasus’?

Ditzy: I think she means like Pegasus from Hercules.

completely ignoring what he’d just said.

“I’ve got what?” he asked, quickly craning his neck around to examine his side. Sure enough, there they were, just in front of a tattoo of the Kingdom Key he’d somehow gotten on his flank. Just behind his wings he saw bags almost exactly like Rei’s,

Ditzy: Saddlebags? Why does he have those? I thought his inventory went into a transdimensional pocket.

except bigger and with the Kingdom Key on them.

Doctor: Why exactly?

Ditzy: You know, in case he loses them.

Now that he knew that his wings existed, he was sure that he could even feel them. With a thought he extended his wings out and examined the feathers on them. They sure looked and felt real enough to him, though they did look a little small in proportion to his body…

Doctor: (Sora) I need to get something to compensate for this. A giant sword perhaps like Cloud?

Ditzy: (Sora) Maybe I can get some sort of enlargement pill.

“Never seen that before,” he mumbled quietly. Pegasus’ wings were much bigger than his were, and he also figured that Pegasus himself was also much bigger than he was at the moment. If anything, he’d shrunk at least a foot in height. Sora groaned. Oh, pleasedon’t tell me that I’m not a horse. Please, pleasedon’t tell me that I’m a pony.

Ditzy: What’s wrong with being a pony?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

Okay, then I won’t tell you.

All: Shut up Roxas.

Sora sighed, unfolded his wings, and decided that it was time enough to take in the surroundings before Rei or Roxas distracted him again.

Ditzy: (Roxas) Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!

Doctor: (Sora) SHUT UP ROXAS!

The floor was mostly grey stone, though there was a pile of straw in the corner that Sora guessed was for sleeping on. Three walls were stone, and one look at the other made it clear that the four of them were stuck in a cell; the black iron bars were a dead giveaway. Outside were two ponies dressed in golden armour with plumed helmets. Both were unicorns, and one was a bright yellow while the other unicorn was white as snow; both unicorns were standing so still they could have been statues. Riku and Kairi were nearby, Sora only able to tell that that’s who they were by the colours of their manes and Kairi’s hat. Riku had become a fierce turquoise unicorn stallion, his short silver mane still sweeping down to partially cover his closed eyes,

Ditzy: (Jaw drops) Wow.

Ditzy: That’s strange… I thought at least one of them would be an Earth Pony.

Doctor: It does break the rule of three.

except that her coat was light pink and her red mane and tail had been divided into cherry and strawberry underneath the girl’s raspberry beret.

Ditzy: Wow, that clashes horribly.

Doctor: She is never going to hear the end of this from Rarity.

On Riku’s flank resided the image of Way to the Dawn,

Doctor: Er, what?

Ditzy: It’s Riku Keyblade.

Doctor: Oh.

while on Kairi’s he could see Destiny’s Embrace.

Ditzy: What is with all the Keyblade cutie marks?

Doctor: It doesn’t seem they have much future prospects outside of fighting.

Ditzy: Sora later became a full time manager at a Wacky Hut.

Both had white saddlebags like his and Rei’s, each bearing the mark of the tattoos on their flanks.

Ditzy: Why do they all have saddlebags?

Doctor: Maybe they were going on a camping trip?

Roxas chuckled in Sora’s mind. Heh, checking out your girlfriend are you?

Ditzy: Wait. Kairi and Sora are together in this!? This must be part of the one percent of Kingdom Hearts fanfics where Riku and Sora aren’t a couple!

Planning on getting freaky as winged horses?

All: (Long silence)

Ditzy: This is suppose to be Roxas?

Sora rolled his eyes and snorted. If you’ve got any weird and freaky form fetishes you want to do with Naminé,

Doctor: (Sora) Seriously, and why are clown suits always involved?

that’s your own damn problem that can wait until we’ve figured out how to somehow give you both bodies of your own.

Ditzy: Would that even work? Won’t they just make them incomplete again? They are part of Sora and Kairi’s souls.

Kairi and I aren’t going to fulfill any of your sick scenarios. Roxas just laughed.

Ditzy: (Roxas) Don’t give me that! I saw what you did to Kairi in the Pride Lands.

You know I was joking right? I know you two would never do anything like that, at least, not until you’ve reached that level of intimacy normally, that is.

Ditzy: I can where this is going.

Doctor: Yep.

Ditzy: How many chapters?

Doctor: Five most likely.

Sora just gave a mental nod and didn’t feel the compulsion to answer.

Doctor: Again. Shut up Roxas.

He and Kairi were comfortable with where their relationship was at, and neither was placing pressure on the other to take it further at the moment.

Doctor: The hand holding phase was still way too intense for them.

The brown pegasus with a wild mane of spiked chocolate hair walked slowly up to the still sleeping female and nudged her with his nose. “Hey, Kairi, wake up.”

She groaned in her sleep and he nudged her again. Kairi batted his face away with a hoof.

Doctor: Kairi was later charged with domestic abuse charges.

“Stop it Sora, that wet cloth is cold.” He snorted slightly in a chuckle,

Ditzy: While rubbing his bruised face.

and Kairi’s attempts to ward him off ceased abruptly as she felt the hot air come out of his flaring nostrils and strike her cheek. She opened her bright indigo eyes, and stared at Sora for a few seconds in bewilderment.

Ditzy: (Kairi) I need to lay off the liquor.

“Kairi! Look!” Rei said excitedly, bounding beside her big brother. “We’ve been turned into ponies!”

Doctor: (Sora) No! We are not ponies! We are manly, awesome, not girly in any way horses!

The redhead just glanced between Sora and Rei in astonishment for a few seconds, her mouth open wide.

Sora looked at her in concern. She’d never quite acted this way when they’d transformed before.

Doctor: Usually she hit him more often.

Okay, she was a little like this in the Pride Lands, but that was because it was the first time they’d turned into quadrupeds.

Doctor: Understandable, it really is quite disconcerting.

No, Roxas reminded him, it wasn’t because you guys had four legs, it was because she thought we were… he left his sentence hanging, and Sora remembered. He almost sighed.

A HUGE smile came onto Kairi’s face as she jumped onto her rear hooves and picked up Rei in her forehooves. “Soo cute!” she exclaimed, giggling like a little girl. “Rei! You’re a teensy-weensy cute little unicorn!”

“And you’re a really pretty pegasus, Kairi,” answered Rei, smiling just as wide as the pink-coated pony.

“And you’re just adorable, Sora,” Kairi added, giving her boyfriend a warm smile.

He would have dearly loved to deny her,

Doctor: Sora enjoyed being passive aggressive to his girlfriend.

just this once; to frown and scowl and turn it around, but that smile of hers melted him.

Ditzy: It shot out death lasers.

And besides, it wasn’t as if she and Rei weren’t cute either. Kairi dropped back down onto all four hooves, surprisingly having had very good balance for the short period of time in which she’d reared up, and looked around. “Hey, where’s Riku?”

Ditzy: (Sora) I think he’s over in the corner crying because of his new form.

“Over here,” said the voice of the other male of their group, “trying to come to terms with this catastrophe.” Sora turned to look at his best friend, who was now standing on his feet and glaring at his hooves.

“What catastrophe?” Kairi asked simply, giddy like a kid at Christmas with everyone having been turned into equines. “You make a good-looking unicorn, Riku.”

Doctor: From all the drooling Ditzy has been doing, that’s probably true.

Ditzy: (Blushes)

He glowered at her, his voice dropping into a deeper level of cynicism. “I’m a unicorn? Great. I thought it was bad enough that I’m blue, but I’m a girly unicorn too?

Doctor: Actually in the culture of...no, there’s no culture where unicorns are considered manly.

Ditzy: What?

Doctor: Um, except Equestria of course.

Zeus, strike me down now, please.”

Ditzy: Which he promptly did.

Doctor: Game Over. Try Again?

“But you look so amazing Riku!” Rei burst out. The silver-maned unicorn snorted.

Sora sighed. “Come on Riku. Sure, it may be one of the stranger forms I’ve been turned into,

Doctor: (Sora) Remember that one time we turned into eldritch abominations?

but it can’t be all that bad. I mean, hey, Kairi and I have wings right? So we should be able to fly.

Ditzy: Doubtful. Learning to fly isn’t easy. It takes years to become really good at it.

Doctor: Somehow I think Shire Folk is going to ignore that little fact.

And look at you! Look at that horn!”

“Don’t remind me about the horn.”

“But look at how pointy and sharp it is!”

Doctor: No phallic jokes.

Ditzy: I wasn’t going to.

Riku paused in his retort and appeared to think about it for a second. He grinned. “Right, a horn, I’ve got a horn! Hey, Sora, can you switch out with Roxas for a second?”

“Why?”

“I want to head butt that guy.”

All: Understandable.

“And Riku, look,” Kairi spoke up before Sora could come to the defence of his already protesting Nobody, “you’ve got the Way to the Dawn tattooed on your flank.” Riku looked over at his side.

“Well, I don’t know why I’ve got a tattoo on, I guess my hip, but it does look pretty good,” he commented on the appearance of his red-bladed Keyblade with its bat-wing hilt and angel-wing key. He looked back at Kairi. “Better than you, though.”

At this, she blinked. “What do you mean by that?”

“You’re pink.” Kairi frowned.

“I’m what?” she growled.

“You’re pink,” Riku repeated. For the first time, Kairi looked herself over. Sora had to put a hoof in his mouth to keep himself from laughing as she started muttering to herself.

“Pink. Why did my fur have to be a light pink? I know it’s my favourite colour, but why couldn’t I have a cool looking coat of fur like scarlet or white or even royal purple or emerald?

Ditzy: Hey, I think it looks rather nice. (Muttering) It’s better than being a plain gray like me...

Heck, even straight black with pink stripes would be better than this.

Ditzy: Hey, I remember meeting a half pony half zebra that looked like that.

And what’s with this? Destiny’s Embrace next to my ass? Gods, why that Keyblade?

Ditzy: Yeah, it’s like giving me a muffin shaped Keyblade.

Doctor: You’re never going to let that go are you?

Ditzy: No. No I won’t.

No, shut up Naminé, I don’t care that it was the first one I used, it’s the girliest Keyblade ever. Why couldn’t I have the Oathkeeper instead? Is there a way to change these forms, Sora?” He shook his head. “Are you sure?”

Doctor: (Kairi) I would even take plaid at this point!

“Kairi, I’m brown. If I could change my coat colour, I would.”

Doctor: What exactly is wrong with brown?

Ditzy: I was actually rather hoping Sora would be pink in this. That would be pretty funny.

Doctor: Pink? That would be a riot.

“But you’re a nice, mahogany/rust brown! You look good in that colour!”

“I was an ash-black lion cub because my clothes were black. Riku was a cream-coloured jackal, Rei was a yellow cub, and you were a pink lioness cub because of your dress. In Atlantica I have a blue dolphin tail, Riku a grey seal’s tail, Rei’s a brown otter, and you’re a pink jellyfish thing from your waist down. Then I became a yellow Mustang, Riku a black Jaguar, and Rei a teal Subaru while you were a pink Mercedes. If anything, your colouring is consistent throughout.”

Doctor: (Kairi) Why I am the one stuck with girly stereotypes!

“But can’t I be something other than pink just once? I wasn’t even wearing the clothes Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather made for us when we got—”

Kairi stopped, stunned into silence. Sora had growled halfway through and took a few quick steps towards her before planting his lips over hers.

Ditzy: (Sora) This will finally shut her up.

Rei turned her face away and raised a hoof towards her mouth, making a retching sound. Riku chuckled a little at her actions before shaking his head,

Doctor: (Riku) Why couldn’t I be the one kissing Sora.

and only managing to get a bit more of his silver mane into his eyes.

Sora detached himself from the kiss when he felt her resistance waver and looked her straight in the eyes.

Ditzy: (Sora) Please, go to ssssssleep, sssssleep tight little Kairi, rest in peassssse... sssssleep... sssssleep...

A rippling indigo sea filled his vision. “And you’re gorgeous in pink, Iri,” he whispered, “so please stop fussing about it.”

Doctor: (Sora) Don’t make me kiss you again!

Ditzy: (Kairi) That’s...a threat?

She blushed. “I guess so,” replied the girl-turned-pegasus, drawing a circle on the floor with her hoof.

Ditzy: Awww. That’s really cute.

“I still don’t like having Destiny’s Embrace on me back there, but I guess we can’t do anything about it, now is there?”

“Not really, I don’t think,” Rei said.

“There is one thing we can make sure that someone here doesn’t do,” Riku said sternly. The other three looked at him, and Riku stomped his hoof down. “Jiminy! You are not taking pictures of me like this!”

Doctor: (Riku) I will end up the butt of jokes for years!

A cricket in a black jacket with tails and a top hat popped out of Sora’s mane. Sora raised a hoof, and the Royal Chronicler jumped onto the offered appendage. “Why’s that Riku? I’ve always taken group photos after Sora and the guys have transformed.”

Ditzy: He has?

“It’s because I know what’s going to happen if you do,” Riku answered. He pointed a hoof accusingly at Sora and Kairi. “If you take a picture of me like this, then it’s going to end up in the hands of these two and before long it’ll get onto the web and I’ll never get another date! Ever!”

Ditzy: B-but look at you!

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) What a drama queen.

The couple laughed. “Come on Riku, you know we’d never do that,” Kairi assured him

Ditzy: (Kairi) Face it Riku. This isn’t the most embarrassing situation we have caught you in. Remember last year’s party at...

Doctor: (Riku) No! You said you would never speak of that again!

“But I thought you didn’t even like going on those dates,” Sora said, smirking.

“I don’t, but I won’t get any of the tolerable girls anymore like Ashe, Penelo, or Garnet; and I literally shudder to think of what Selphie would do.” Riku actually shuddered.

Ditzy: Gush over how cute you are?

Doctor: (Deadpan) Dear goodness the horror.

Sora chuckled half-heartedly. He needed to assure Riku, even though he was kidding himself. “I’m sure Selphie wouldn’t really mean to…”

“She’d blackmail me with the picture for sex,” Riku said bluntly.

Ditzy: Didn’t Daisy try something like that to you?

Doctor: Don’t remind me.

Sora’s eyes opened wide and quickly searched for Rei.

Doctor: Way to go Riku.

Fortunately, she’d apparently gotten bored of listening to the teenager talk and was trying to engage the guards outside the cell in conversation by asking them any and all questions about unicorns or ponies or if they could talk or had families or anything that came to her mind about this world and what it was like. She might as well have been talking to a wall for all the answers she got, but fortunately her mind was occupied enough that she hadn’t seemed to have caught what Riku had said. Relief flooded into Sora’s mind for a brief second before it snapped into anger. “Dude, my little sister’s right there!”

Ditzy: (Sora) It’s bad enough you curse like a sailor.

Riku winced. “Right, sorry Sora. That was totally my bad.” Sora sighed. He started to move his leg, and Jiminy hopped back onto Sora’s head.

“It’s okay.”

Doctor: (Sora) You didn’t traumatise her again this time.

He glanced back at Rei, then came closer to Riku and began to whisper. Kairi entered into the pony huddle as well so that she could hear what Sora was saying. “But would Selphie seriously do that? I thought she was hung up on Tidus?” He glanced at Kairi.

Doctor: (Kairi) I hear she keeps his toe and fingernail clippings.

“She is and she isn’t,” the beret-wearing girl—pegasus—whispered, “but know that I’m breaking pinky promises with Selphie not to share this, so if she finds out that I’m telling you two…you’ve been warned.”

Ditzy: Can’t be as bad as what Pinkie will do to you.

All: (Shutters)

She placed an empty hoof in front of the other two.

Sora and Riku placed hooves on top of Kairi’s, and together they said, “I solemnly swear to abide by the code of tell-not-again, to never tell anyone besides these friends holding my hand what we are about to tell.” They bopped their hooves down and up before breaking them apart.

Ditzy: But...but how can they trust her when she broke a Pinkie Promise without a second thought?!

“Jiminy, that goes for you too,” Sora said. The cricket nodded in agreement.

“Okay,” Kairi whispered at the end of their ritual, “So she does like Tidus, but she also likes you, Riku. Or, rather…” she blushed, “she’s heard blitzball locker room stories about how big your…uh…”

Doctor: Does stuff like this actually happen?

Ditzy: Uh, er...of course not!

she glanced over at Rei; the filly was still oblivious to their talking.

“Oh…” Riku deadpanned. He looked down and away. Suddenly, the circle was very awkward. Sora pawed at the stone floor with a hoof.

Ditzy: (Kairi) So..um...is it as big as they say Riku? Just out of curiosity….Not that I’m all that interested really...

“So anyway,” Kairi started anew, “yes, I think that if she were to get a picture of you as a unicorn right now, she probably would blackmail you into having s—having a fun night together with her,”

Doctor: Just don’t give into the blackmailer’s demands. Not that hard.

she corrected herself quickly. Kairi took one more look at her boyfriend, Riku, Rei, and then the ponies guarding the outside of their cell. An annoyed expression came onto her face. “How did we get here anyway, or in this cell? And where is here for that matter?”

“Oh that’s an easy one!” a bubbly voice announced suddenly from outside the cell. Sora whipped around, Riku and Kairi scarcely a half-second behind, and they saw a bubble-gum pink pony standing outside of their cell.

Doctor: Not inthe cell? That’s a first.

She had a poofy, frizzled mane of bright pink hair that crested over her head, cheery blue eyes, and three balloons tattooed onto her flank. Sora wondered if every pony in this world had a tattoo right there, and if every one of them could talk too.

Ditzy: How is this any different from say the Pride Lands? Or the Cars universe?

“You’re in the dungeons of Canterlot Castle in Canterlot!” the pink pony exclaimed. She looked around excitedly.

Ditzy: (Pinkie Pie in a cold voice)I heard you broke a Pinkie Promise. I don’t like that, Kairi.

“Are you guys excited about that? I know I’m excited. I’ve never seen the dungeons before. They’re all so dark and gloomy and creepy and dungeony!

Ditzy: I am really disappointed that Sora and his friends were introduced this way. I was hoping for a cool action sequence where Sora saves dozens of ponies from Heartless! But no, he wakes up in a cell instead… That happens to me almost every week!

Doctor: Not terribly exciting is it?

Aren’t they the best dungeons you’ve ever seen? All nice and clean, even if they are dark and gloomy and dungeony.

Doctor: Hmmmm…. I give it B+. Cleaner than most cells I have been in, but the lack of a real bed hurts it enough for me to not to give it an A.

Hey, you know what this needs? My friends and I should get thrown into the dungeon too, and then we can all have a big ‘Rebels Breaking the Law and Sticking it to the Princesses in the Dungeon Party’! Wouldn’t that be absolutely amazing?”

Doctor: But wouldn’t that make Twilight rather cross?

Sora wasn’t entirely sure how to react to this crazy pony, but Rei gasped and cantered the few feet towards her big brother. “Sora-nii-chan! That sounds really fun! Can we do it? Can we? Can we?”

Yeah, can we have a Stick-It-To-The-Man party? Roxas asked, sounding for all the world like an over-excited kid. Kairi and Riku were both grinning deviously at Sora, Kairi even nudging him a little. They loved watching him squirm whenever Rei asked for something like this.

Ditzy: It was just like that time when she asked for a pet tiger.

“Uh, well, Rei, you know we don’t really have time,” he said, not looking his kid sister in the eye.

Doctor: Ah, the puppy dog look. Gets them every time.

“We need to figure out how we got here, get out of this place, and try to find a way back to the King.”

The pink pony gasped loudly, and her face grew even brighter in excitement. “The King? I’ve never heard of a king before! Equestria’s been ruled by the princesses for ages and ages and ages! Are you from another pony country then? Are you secret agent ponies who were captured spying on Princess Luna with a mysterious unicorn on a midnight stroll together? Wait, I know! You’re really ninjas, sent to assassinate Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and got beat up by the guards long before you ever saw them! Though why you would bring a little filly along with you to assassinate the princesses is beyond me; shame on you for dragging her into your nefarious plans!”

All: Makes sense to me.

“Wait, what?” Sora, Riku, and Kairi all asked at once, stunned being the understatement of the century. “No,” Riku said firmly. “We’re not ninjas or spies or people sent by the paparazzi to get the goods on your princesses. In fact, we don’t even know who your princesses are or even what Equestria is.”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Likely story. Spyie McSpy Pants.

“Sora, princesses!” Rei exclaimed. “Could we meet the princesses?” He made the mistake of looking into her eyes.

Doctor: (Kairi) Wait. Princesses? Not Queens?

Dang it! Her pouting was even cuter when she was this little cyan unicorn foal. Rei could sense the defeat in his resultant smile and cheered.

Kairi rubbed her head against Sora’s neck. “You’re cute when you cave like that.” Sora sighed, but the smile on his face stayed.

“It also helps that he’s a total sap,” Riku chuckled.

All: Indead.

“And a lazy bum,” added Kairi. Sora just shook his head. Equestria, huh? Obviously they must be on another world, but how did they get…

“Mortimer.”

Doctor: Gazoontite.

“Huh?”

Sora stomped a hoof down on the stone. “Mortimer.

All: Gazoontite.

That’s how we got here. That device he shot us with, it must have sent us here! But how did he get it?”

Doctor: A home shopping network?

“Professor Ludwig von Drake did say that his combination portal gun and muffin maker got stolen,” Rei answered him.

“Yes, but by Pete,” Riku reminded the filly, “not Mortimer.”

Kairi glanced over her shoulder worriedly, as if she was scared that something might suddenly appear there. “So, is that our proof? Does that mean that the Horned King really did beat Maleficent?”

Ditzy: Poor Maleficent. Always the punching bag.

Doctor: The thing couldn’t just be stolen?

“Even if he did, there’s no way that Maleficent’s gone for good,” Sora assured her,

Ditzy: (Sora) Like a cockroach that one.

although he wasn’t sure why it would be a good thing for Maleficent not to be gone. “That old hag’s just too stubborn to call it quits.” The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he looked back at the pink pony outside of their cell. She was staring at them as if she’d never seen them before, and was completely stock-still. Something about that was just plain creepy; even the guards were getting fidgety, and they hadn’t moved or spoken a word during her exhausting dialogue.

Doctor: Ah...yes...that look…Somehow facing a platoon of Daleks seems more preferable.

“Hey, miss interrogator, why so quiet all of a sudden?” Kairi asked politely.

“You…you said ‘people’, not ‘ponies’,” she mumbled. “People...” She gasped loudly. “YOU GUYS ARE HUMAN!?”

Ow, my bleeding ears!

Doctor: Just wait until she decides to throw you a surprise party.

Sora winced and refrained from mentally smacking his Nobody on the back of the head, if only because her screech had brought that headache of his back for a moment. He opened his mouth to try and talk to her, but she was jittering around with her legs moving like hummingbird wings. “HUMAN! HUMAN! HU-HU-HUMAN!” She gasped, her smile returning and spreading the entire length of her face from one ear to the other. “Hey, my friend Lyra would love to meet you guys!

Doctor: (Pinkie) I can’t wait to show you that cool human costumeshe made.

I know, we can all have one big ‘humans turned into ponies’ meet and greet party in Ponyville once you get out of the slammer.”

“But we don’t even know what we’re doing in this cell in the first place!” Riku told her.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Because your spies duh.

Doctor: (Riku) Gah! For the last time we’re not spies!

“I’ve got to admit, it’s the first time I’ve woken up already captured on a new world before,” Sora muttered to Kairi. “Every other time I at least had two minutes before the bad guys came by and gloated at us.

Doctor: Ha! Amateurs.

But I’ve never seen a bad guy like this before.”

Ditzy: (Sora) They’re usually not so...pink.

“I’m not even sure she is a bad guy, onii-chan,” Rei said, shuffling over to her brother. The faint clopping of hooves coming down the corridor was staring to echo over to his ears. “She seems real nice. A little kooky, but nice.”

Doctor: (Sora) Really? I can’t help thinking she might secretly be a serial killer or something.

The pink pony turned her head and shouted. “Hey! Twilight! Looky-looky! Don’t tell anypony, but these ponies here, they’re not ponies, they’re humans.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Pinkie, humans are a myth. There isn’t any substantial evidence that proves that they ever existed!

Sora could hear a sigh, and then for whatever reason he heard Rikku say, “Pinkie, are you sure they aren’t just ponies in human costumes?”

Doctor: Don’t you mean Riku?

Ditzy: I think he means Rikku of the Gullwings.

Doctor: Why do two characters have almost the exact same name?

Ditzy: I..don’t know.

The five of them in the cell all looked at each other. “Rikku?” Riku asked. “What’s she doing here? I thought she was still on the Highwind.”

Ditzy: Wait, are they confusing Twilight with Riku..er Rikku? I guess they do sort of sound alike.

Doctor: Are we going to have a later scene with Riku, Rikku, and Twilight all in the same room?

“She is still on the Highwind,” Jiminy said, still sitting in front of Sora’s mane on the mahogany pegasus’ head. “The last I checked, she, Yuna, and Paine were all still there, anyway.”

Ditzy: I’m surprised that Shire Folk even remembers that they exist. The makers of Kingdom Hearts sure don’t.

“But there’s no way she could have followed us through the portal Mortimer shot at us,” Kairi argued, total bewilderment lacing her voice. “They weren’t anywhere—”

The pink pony gasped loudly again. “That cricket just talked!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I’ve never thrown a party for a cricket before!

A soft voice spoke up in sudden excitement. “A talking cricket! Where? Oh Pinkie Pie, where is the little guy?” The next moment a new pony was standing in front of the cell. Her coat was a soft yellow, and her sweeping mane and tail were marshmallow-pink. There was a tattoo on her flank too (hers a cluster of butterflies), and wings were folded against her sides. She peered through the bars with bright blue eyes, zeroing in on the cricket atop Sora’s head.

Doctor: Target acquired. Commence cute gushing.

Sora, Riku, and Kairi shared unimpressed looks. This was a world full of talking ponies, unicorns, and pegasi, and yet they were surprised by talking crickets?

Ditzy: Why would talking crickets be commonplace here?

Rei, on the other hand, had her eyes full of awe at seeing another new pony. She was silently squeeing from the excitement, and Sora hoped that she wouldn’t faint from over-exposure to this place.

Doctor: This was almost as bad as the time when they traveled to that world with living toys.

Forget faint. When we’re all done, she’ll want us, Mom, and Dad to move here with her. Sora couldn’t help but agree with that.

Ditzy: It isn’t a bad idea, Ponyville has pretty affordable housing.

“Hi there,” the new pegasus said softly to Jiminy. “I’m Fluttershy. What’s your name?”

Jiminy looked a little surprised at first that there was someone here so interested in him,

Ditzy: That actually is pretty strange. He’s a talking cricket!

Doctor: I’m still confused why people are so accepting anthropomorphic ducks and dogs!

but his manners promptly returned to him. Coughing into his hand and lightly tapping Sora between the eyes with his umbrella, Jiminy hopped down onto a hoof that Sora raised for him and extended closer to Fluttershy. Jiminy lifted his top hat from his head and swept into a tiny bow for the cricket. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Madame Fluttershy. Cricket’s the name, Jiminy Cricket at your service.”

“Wow, and he’s so polite too,” Fluttershy commented to herself as Sora replaced Jiminy on the top of his head.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I’m sure my bird friends would love to meet you.

“That’s enough Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy,” said a different voice as more ponies came into their field of vision. The corridor outside of their cell had suddenly become very crowded as another pegasus, this one with a cyan coat and prismatic mane and tail and a tattoo that looked like Zeus’ symbol, except with a rainbow lightning bolt;

Ditzy: Zeus later sued for copyright infringement.

two unicorns, one marshmallow-white

Doctor: We aren’t going to get ‘Rarity is a marshmallow’ jokes are we?

with a beautiful purple mane and tail with a tattoo of three sparkling diamonds, and the other lavender with a purple mane and tail that held a hot-pink streak with the mark of a pink star surrounded by white ones; an orange pony with a straw mane and tail wearing a cowboy hat with apples on her flank; a baby purple dragon with green spines; and two alicorns with flowing manes wearing crowns and impressive regalia, black on the midnight-blue alicorn and gold on the much taller white one. Sora’s eyes saw the marks on the flanks of the two alicorns, the smaller one with a crescent moon and the larger one with a radiant sun, and guessed that with their crowns that these two were the princesses Pinkie Pie had mentioned. It was the white alicorn who was speaking, “It is time we questioned these ponies properly, so that we’ll know exactly who they are and if they’re connected to those creatures.”

Doctor: Ah yes, because you arrive in a middle of a crisis with no warning mysteriously you’re obviously connected to whatever is happening. It couldn’t just be a random coincidence. (Sighs wearily)

“Sora, Sora!” Rei squealed, looking back and forth between the new arrivals and her older brother. “Look! Look! There are so many—alicorns! Alicorns!

Doctor: And how does she know what an Alicorn is? That term usually refers to the horn of a unicorn.

And unicorns and pegasuses and and…” her eyes rolled into the top of her head and she slumped forward.

Ditzy: She...got so excited she passed out?

Doctor: Hopefully.

Fear seized him completely for a moment and he shouted his sister’s name, falling onto his legs to catch her.

Ditzy: In slow motion.

He would have made it too, if she hadn’t suddenly been surrounded by a magenta glow and was held in place for an extra second before she gently fell onto his hooves. Sora looked up quizzically, and saw the purple unicorn’s horn glowing with the same colour as the light surrounding his sister. The glow faded, and all of Rei’s small weight now fell onto his hooves. Sora folded his legs underneath him and sat on the ground, placing Rei close to his side and wrapping a wing around her. He could feel her soft breathing touching his side, and Sora sighed.

Doctor: (Sora) This is almost as bad as the time we gave her coffee.

I guess it was too much for her, he thought, chuckling slightly now that he was sure she was alright. He looked up at the alicorns who stood in front of the other ponies, and noticed that the two unicorn guards were walking away, probably at the alicorn’s request. Riku and Kairi sidled up next to Sora and slightly in front of him, adding their bodies to the protection of their youngest member and Sora, knowing that lying down was not the way he’d have preferred to be interrogated.

Doctor: Why not? It’s comfortable and it annoys your captors.

Ditzy: They really are new to this.

“Who are you?” Riku asked sharply, his voice cracking like a whip. “Why are we locked up here?”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Fashion police. That young mare’s beret is a crime against all things fashionable.

“Forget who we are, darling,” the white unicorn said quickly, hearts in her eyes as she looked at him. “Who are you?”

Doctor: Poor, poor Spike.

Kairi smirked at Riku and whispered, “What was that about never getting a date again, Riku?”

“I said tolerable,” he hissed.

Ditzy: (Mumbling) Glad somepony isn’t falling for that hussy’s charms.

Doctor: What was that?

Ditzy: Nothing.

“I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria,” the white alicorn stated, “and I would like to make one thing clear.

Ditzy: (Celestia) We have no intention of letting any of you leave here alive!

Doctor: (Sora) What!

Ditzy: (Celestia) Just kidding.

We have detained you only because we know nothing about you, and recent events have put us into a state of caution.

Doctor: (Celestia) 53 suspicious ponies have already been detained today alone.

I do not know who you little ponies are or what your intentions are, but you arrived in a strange cloud on the heels of something we have never seen before in Equestria.

Doctor: I will have to research this once we get out of here.

Forgive me for having my guards lock you in here or not, but now is the time for answers, so I hope you will be forthcoming with them.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Or else.

Ditzy: (Sora) Or else what?! Do your worst!

Doctor: (Celestia) Pinkie. Do it.

Ditzy: (Pinkie singing) It's a piece of cake to make a pretty cake!

If the way is hazy!

You gotta do the cookin' by the book!

You know you can't be lazy!

Doctor: (Riku) Please stop!

Ditzy: (Kairi) No more please!

Doctor: (Sora) We’ll tell you anything!

“Great…” Riku muttered. “We’re about to be interrogated by a pony princess. Donald’s never going to let any of us hear the end of this one.”

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Always worried about appearances aren’t you Riku?

“For starters,” Princess Celestia said, her eyes narrowing at Riku. “Who are you?”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) (Gasping) They’re humans turned into ponies from another world, sent here by a giant evil mouse with a portal slash muffin making device, they’re on a quest to stop the shadows, also known as the heartless,from stealing the hearts of others, to bring balance to all the worlds, and also find the Keepers of the Art , six legendary beings that hold the magic of the universe together just by existing, together have unrivaled magical power and have the ability to find any magical object, regardless of location, they are looking for Keepers so an evil meany pants mastermind called the Horned King can’t get his hands on them for some nefarious purpose, they do this by using a giant key sword called the Keyblade, something the Keepers of the Art can also use, it can purify the heartless, killings them for good, and has the ability to unlock any lock, as for their names, this is Sora, Riku, Kairi, Rei, and Jiminy, he’s a talking cricket!

Doctor: (Sora) What.

“I’m Sora,” Sora began as he typically did, “this is Kairi, Riku, and my little sister Rei. This guy here is Jiminy.”

Doctor: That was a good Pinkie impression. It’s frighteningly accurate.

Ditzy: Thank you. I have been working hard on it.

Doctor: What was with all that the Keeper stuff?

Ditzy: (Shrugs) Just something I made up.

Jiminy lifted his top hat again, and nodded at Princess Celestia. For the most part her face still held its stern expression, but it looked as though her eyes found the cricket somewhat charming.

“What was that cloud the four of you appeared in?” Celestia asked.

Ditzy: (Sora) It was a Lakitu's Cloud.

“It was a portal,” Kairi answered. “We were—”

The lavender unicorn interrupted her, her voice filled with excitement. “You know portal magic?”

Doctor: Portal magic? I will need to check up on that later.

The four of them glanced at each other again. Sora spoke up. “Rikku?” he asked curiously, extending his head towards the unicorn.

She shook her head in confusion. “Huh? Why are you looking at me? I thought you just said that he was Riku.” They all shook their heads.

“Sorry,” Kairi apologized for them. “This is Riku, with one ‘k’ in his name. We have another friend named Rikku, with two ‘k’s in her name, and you sound exactly like her.”

Ditzy: That must make things rather confusing.

“I must admit, your names sound strange on my tongue,” the midnight alicorn told them. “Sora, Riku, Kairi, Rei, and Jiminy. They certainly aren’t like many I’ve heard before.”

Ditzy: (Luna) They sound like bad Internet user names trying to sound foreign.

“Well, what are your names?” Riku asked. “Don’t we at least get to know who all of our interrogators are?”

The white alicorn sighed. “Alright. I suppose we can tell you that much before we continue. As I’ve already said, I’m Princess Celestia. This is my younger sister, Princess Luna,” she indicated the smaller alicorn beside her, “my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” the lavender unicorn, “her assistant, Spike,” the little dragon, “and her friends: Rarity,” the other unicorn, “Rainbow Dash,” the blue pegasus, “Applejack,” the orange pony in the hat, “Fluttershy,” she raised a hoof, “and Pinkie Pie.” The pink pony waved exuberantly at them.

Doctor: Was all that necessary? You just described what Twilight and her friends look like a few paragraphs ago.

“Now then,” Celestia continued, “you have also been detained because of the cutie marks you all bear. Few ponies have ever had weapons as—”

Doctor: (Celestia) Most ponies that get weapon based cutie marks are psychopathic killers.

“Wait,” Riku groaned, turning to look at Way to the Dawn’s image on his body. “You mean that this tattoo here is called a ‘cutie mark’? Oh gods, my street cred is ruined forever.”

Ditzy: That’s funny. The Doctor said the exact same thing.

Doctor: Well it’s true!

“You don’t have any street cred, Riku,” Sora sniped.

“Then what’s the team going to think if they find out about this?” he retorted.

Doctor: (Riku) They’ll drop pig’s blood on me again!

“Simple,” Kairi answered, “you don’t tell them.”

Doctor: Why would they believe any of this anyway?

“I need you two to pledge that too,” he ordered.

“We’re still in high school Riku,” Kairi reminded him, “we don’t even go to your university!”

“Swear it!”

Sora and Kairi both sighed tiredly. “Fine,”

Doctor: (Sora) You crybaby.

Sora agreed, “but not now. Princess Celestia’s giving us a funny look.”

Ditzy: (Kairi) I think she’s giving Riku ‘bedroom eyes’.

The white alicorn was indeed looking at them strangely, but now her face was far from stern; she seemed curious about what she would learn from this conversation more than anything.

Doctor: They really are bad at this. She doesn’t even need to interrogate them.

“Sister,” Princess Luna said softly, “they don’t seem to be bad ponies.”

“No, they don’t,” Celestia said, “but just because they don’t seem bad doesn’t mean that they aren’t. They could still be in league with those Shadows.”

Doctor: Since when is Celestia the paranoid one of the two sisters?

Ears perked up inside the cell. “Shadows?” Sora asked, removing his wing from Rei and standing up. “What did they look like?” Princess Celestia looked like she was about to remind him that she was doing the questioning, but the seriousness in Sora’s voice at his question held her back for a moment. Correctly interpreting her hesitation, Sora nodded to Jiminy, who quickly dove into Sora’s mane and came out a second later, bearing a book in his tiny hands. The cricket carried it down to the edge of Sora’s snout, which was now placed almost to the bars of the cell, and opened the book.

“Did they look like this?” Jiminy asked, showing the ponies a picture.

Doctor: (Luna) What does this strange creature dancing with a lampshade on his head have to do with the shadows?

Ditzy: (Riku harshly) The other picture Jiminy!

Princess Luna gasped. Her horn glowed with light, and the translucent image of a Shadow appeared on the floor beside her. “Yes, exactly like that,” she told them.

“How do you know about them?” Rainbow Dash’s abrasive voice asked, the cyan pegasus butting up against the bars. “Are you in cahoots with them? Are you spy ponies?”

“Oh no Dashie,” Pinkie Pie said with a giggle. “They already told me that they’re not.”

Doctor: Yep, that certainly clears everything up.

Ditzy: Doctor, you know she’s never wrong about this sort of thing.

Princess Celestia looked between the image Luna had conjured and the picture Jiminy was showing her. They were identical. “How do you know of the Shadows?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Sora) We meet them at one of Riku’s college parties. I remember the next day we caught Riku in bed with o…

Doctor: (Riku growling)

Ditzy: (Sora) Uh, nevermind.

“They’re called Heartless,” Sora explained seriously. “That kind there is actually called a Shadow, and it’s the weakest type of Heartless.”

“Heartless?” Rarity asked. “My, what an uncouth name.”

“Well they certainly were uncouth when they were attacking Trixie, Rarity,” Applejack said.

Doctor: (Rarity) Nonsense, I thought they attacked her with elegance and grace.

“Heartless,” Princess Luna murmured. “What do you know about these…‘Heartless’? Just how dangerous are they?”

“A lot, and very,” Riku answered. “The Heartless were first created as experiments by a man named Xehanort, who was researching the workings of the heart.

All: (Groans)

Doctor: Just the abridged version would be fine.

Almost all hearts have light and darkness within them, and usually the heart has a balance of them, or a little more of one than the other. When the darkness within a person’s heart consumes him or her, a Heartless is born and the darkness within them is given form. That’s what they are, creatures made of pure darkness from the hearts of all living things.”

Doctor: But didn’t you just say they were created by this Xehanort? Did Xehanort somehow cause this phenomenon to happen? I don’t understand this.

Ditzy: Heartless have always existed. Xehanort just created the emblem heartless. I think that is what he meant to say.

Doctor: Oh.

“Wait, hearts?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “But, that’s impossible! How can the organ used for pumping blood throughout the body possibly have ‘light’ or ‘darkness’ inside of it? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“We’re not talking about that heart,” Sora told her. “What we’re talking about is the spiritual heart. Every living, sentient thing has a heart, a body, and a soul. When the heart is overcome with darkness, it becomes a Heartless.”

Doctor: (Twilight) That’s just as nonsensical! There have been many evil ponies throughout the centuries and there is no record of one of them ever becoming one of these Heartless!

“They’re mindless and instinctual,” Kairi added. “They only have one goal, and that’s to find hearts and consume them, turning them into more Heartless. Ultimately they hunger for the largest and most powerful hearts, and are always trying to find a way to get it.”

“You talk as if you know what that is,” Princess Celestia said. The three nodded.

“Kingdom Hearts,” they said together. “The heart of hearts; the heart of all worlds.”

“It’s just as powerful as you’d think,” Riku said. “The heart of all hearts, filled with light, and the Heartless and those who chase power are always after it.”

Doctor: Should you really be explaining this to them? It’s like giving directions to a world destroying superweapon to random passersby.

Princess Celestia nodded her head slowly. “I think that I already know the answer to this next question from your answers, but I need to make absolutely sure, how do you three know so much about these Heartless?”

Ditzy: (Kairi) We run a Heartless fan club. We call ourselves Hearties.

“We fight them,” Kairi declared, fierce pride in her voice, as if daring Princess Celestia to contradict her.

Doctor: Settle down. No one is questioning your capability as a Keyblade wielder.

Ditzy: I guess the fact that she gets ignored so much has really gotten to her.

“Then you are not the enemies we had thought you might be,” the princess said with relief. “Here, let me unlock this cell for you.”

Sora smiled and shook his head. “There’s no need for that,” he told her.

“What do you mean?” Princess Luna asked.

“Are yah trying to say that y’all actually like it in there?” Applejack wondered.

Ditzy: (Sora) I swiped the keys from the guards when they weren’t looking.

Sora just laughed. “No, but you wanted to know about these…ugh, cutie marks, right?”

Doctor: (Sora) I don’t think my masculinity will ever be the same after saying that.

A bright flash of light appeared at his mouth, and suddenly his teeth were clenching an obsidian weapon that was almost as long as his body. He enjoyed the looks of surprise on their faces at the Oblivion Keyblade’s appearance in his mouth, but he sighed. Here was another form where he had to hold the Keyblade with his teeth; his neck was going to kill him for this.

Ditzy: Just...hold it with your hooves?

Doctor: Ditzy, I don’t think that would be immediately apparent to anyone.

Ditzy: Why not?

Striding up to the cell door, he tapped the backside of the lock with the tip of the Oblivion. The lock clicked open, and he nudged the door open with his snout. He did not exit, though.

Doctor: The guards jumped him before he could.

The Oblivion disappeared from his mouth in another flash of light, and Sora, Riku, and Kairi all laughed at the stunned looks on the faces of the ponies in front of them. “That’s the Keyblade,” Riku explained. “It chooses its wielder, and can lock or unlock any lock and is able to unlock the power sleeping within its wielder’s heart. The Heartless fear the Keyblade, because it’s the only thing with the power to destroy them completely, so they swarm its wielders to eliminate their fear and steal the heart of its chosen. A Keyblade only chooses wielders with strong hearts, and Kairi, Rei, and I have Keyblades as well.”

Ditzy: An OC with a keyblade, how original.

“My, my, my,” Rarity said. “You’re full of surprises aren’t you, Riku?”

Princess Celestia appeared more stunned than impressed as she just stared at Sora.

Doctor: Remember, thousands of years of experience.

“That means that with the Keyblade, you could have unlocked the door and left anytime you liked, and you probably would have defeated my guards before they could react, too.”

“Well, yeah,” Kairi answered, smiling to herself, “but it’s not like we really would have.

Ditzy: (Roxas) I would have!

Doctor: (Sora) Shut up Roxas!

Sure we were annoyed and all, but we wouldn’t have busted out unless we were convinced that we were locked up in a bad guy’s dungeon, and none of you seem like bad guys.”

“We sure aren’t,” Applejack said, “but now Ah have just one question for y’all.”

“Shoot.”

Ditzy: (Applejack) Is that Riku feller single?

Doctor: (Riku) Relevant questions!

“Ah couldn’t help but notice that y’all have been using a lot of words we’re a little unfamiliar with. Where yah from?”

The trio looked at each other. “Do we break world order again?” Kairi asked.

Doctor: Pffft. World order.

“We got turned into ponies; I don’t care anymore Kairi,” Riku deadpanned.

“It’s not like it really matters either,” Sora said. “No matter what King Triton said that one time, too much stuff’s been happening to try and keep it a secret.”

Doctor: (Sora) It has already been leaked on the internet.

” Kairi said, nodding. The three turned to the gathering in front of them.

“To answer your question…Applejack, right?” Sora asked. The orange earth pony nodded her head, and he continued. “To answer your question, Riku and I are from Destiny Islands, Kairi’s the lost princess of Radiant Garden, and Jiminy is from Land of Wishes; but Jiminy’s been living in Disney Castle for the last while and Kairi’s been with Riku and me on Destiny Islands since she was five.”

Doctor: Do you always tell everyone your life story? If I did that, I would never get anywhere.

“Destiny Islands? Radiant Garden? Disney Castle?” Fluttershy asked. “I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard of places like that in Equestria.”

Doctor: That sounds more like a Twilight line.

“That’s because they aren’t from Equestria,” Princess Celestia said as the realization came to her. Coltinster had been right all along. “They’re from other worlds outside.”

Doctor: Wait, wait... If she knows about the existence of other worlds. Why didn’t she hypothesize that the Heartless were from another world from the start?

“So they’re space ponies?” Pinkie asked excitedly. “Ooh, that’s even more wonderful than them being humans!”

“Nope, we’re human,” Sora apologized, “but we got turned into ponies when that portal dumped us here in Equestria.”

“Yes, the portal,” Twilight Sparkle said, shaking her head back and forth as if trying to sort out one of the thousand questions she probably had.

Ditzy: Several of them had to with Riku’s eligibility and the size of his ‘you know’.

“How were you able to work it?”

Sora smiled sheepishly. “That’s just it, we didn’t. The portal bringing us here was an accident.” Kairi sighed.

“We were fighting an enemy of ours, and an old rival of our friend King Mickey, when he pulled out a device that had been stolen from a scientist we’re acquainted with,” she said. “It was Professor Ludwig Von Drake’s Snazzy Portalmatic

Doctor: Insert ‘The Cake is a Lie’ joke here.

Muffin Maker 3000.

Doctor: Why muffins?

Ditzy: Yeah, it’s not like automatic muffins makers are any good anyway! I’ve checked!

Mortimer zapped us with the portal part of the device, and the next thing we knew we woke up here, like this.”

Rarity rushed through the open door up to Kairi and took a pink hoof of Kairi’s into two of her white ones. “Oh, you poor dear,” she said. “You must be absolutely horrified.”

Kairi smiled amusedly. “Why would I be? We’re in a world of ponies.”

Doctor: (Kairi) Sora and Riku on the other hand won’t stop whining about all man points they have lost.

Ditzy: I’m still confused about that.

“Because just look at your chapeau,” the unicorn replied. “Oh dear, that raspberry…thing on your head just clashes awfully with your wonderful scarlet mane.”

Kairi frowned. “Are you insulting my hat?”

Ditzy: Kairi, your hat makes a pony’s eyes bleed.

Doctor: It’s almost as bad as that one coat I used to wear.

Ditzy: Come on Doctor. It wasn’t that bad.

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: No.

Doctor: ….

“Come, come now dear, I have just the thing that will really highlight those eyes of yours and go with your mane back in my shop in Ponyville. There’s no need for a fashion disaster like that hideous beret to be on top of your head.”

Kairi smacked Rarity’s hoof away. “You aren’t touching my hat,” she said evenly. “It’s a symbol of my individuality and artist’s soul.”

Ditzy: I’m sorry to hear that.

Doctor: (Kairi) It’s true art. You wouldn’t understand.

That and Naminé would have a conniption if she got rid of it, Roxas chuckled. It’s more her hat than Kairi’s.

Ditzy: I don’t still don’t see why she has to wear the thing.

“Bu—but, you’re completely lacking in fabulosity,” Rarity said. “Why, a beautiful pegasus like yourself should be showing off her beauty in every way, not dousing it with a ridiculous hat like that. Why would you ever wear something so tacky?”

Kairi just smiled sweetly and turned to look coyly at Sora. “Sora,

Ditzy: (Kairi) Get out your keyblade.

would you mind showing Rarity why I wear this hat?”

Don’t do it man!

Ditzy: (Roxas) Don’t kill again for her sake! She isn’t worth it!

Suck it up you baby, I’m doing it anyway.

Whipped.

So are you.

Sora just smiled at Roxas’ silence, and took a step towards Kairi. “And that’s when I saw her. Ooh, I saw her; she walked in through the ‘out’ door, ‘out’ door.”

“Tell me he didn’t just break into song,” Twilight grumbled.

Doctor: Sora is going to fit into Equestria quite well I think.

“He did,” Riku laughed. Pinkie Pie beamed as Sora continued unabated.

“She wore a raspberry beret,

The kind you find in a second-hand store.

Raspberry beret.

And if it was warm, she wouldn’t wear much more.

Raspberry beret,” he nuzzled his cheek against Kairi’s. “I think I looove her.”

Ditzy: Not bad. It just needs some dancing, then it would be perfect.

“So those two are coltfriend and marefriend?” Applejack asked, looking to Riku for answers.

“We humans call them boyfriend and girlfriend, but yes.”

Ditzy: Ponies use those terms too, just not that often.

Rarity gulped. “Well, I guess that if your coltfriend adores it, then I really can’t say much against it, much though it does not go with your mane at all, darling.”

Doctor: (Rarity) Even though it’s quite apparent he must be completely color blind.

Kairi laughed. “Don’t worry. I know raspberry doesn’t go too well with my hair, but I like it, and it goes much better with white-blonde so there’s no way Naminé would let me get rid of it even if I wanted to.”

Doctor: How exactly?

“Naminé?” Twilight asked. “Who’s Naminé?”

“My Nobody,” Kairi answered simply.

“What’s a Nopony?” Pinkie asked.

All: A miserable little pile of secrets!

Her question wasn’t answered right away, since a small groan now issued out of the youngest pony present.

Doctor: Yes I know. It’s a terrible pun.

Sora craned his neck down next to where Rei was lying down.

“Hey Rei, you feeling okay now?”

Her eyes stayed closed as she opened her mouth. “I had the best dream ever, Sora-nii-chan. We were hit by the portal machine and when we woke up Riku and I were unicorns and you and Kairi were pegasuses, and there were ponies everywhere.”

Doctor: (Rei) And you, and you, and you,and you were there! But you couldn't have been, could you?

“Heh, you’re not dreaming squirt,” Rainbow Dash said. “And it’s pronounced ‘pegasi’.”

Rei’s eyes flew open and she bounded onto her hooves. A huge smile took up her face. “It’s real! It’s really real!”

“Hey Sora, why is yer little sis all excited and all? Don’t yah have ponies where yer from?”

“We do,” Kairi answered instead of Sora, “but—”

Doctor: (Kairi) We eat them as a delicacy.

Princess Celestia giggled audibly, shutting out Kairi’s impending explanation. “Now that this bright little filly’s awake again, I think this ‘interrogation’ is through.

Doctor: (Luna) That isn’t fair sister, we didn’t get a chance to do good princess bad princess yet. We were rather looking forward to it.

Come with me, Sora, Kairi, Riku, Rei, Jiminy. As enemies of the Heartless, I imagine you’d like to know about their presence here in Equestria, and you’d like to be out of this dinky old cell now that I count you as allies.”

“Well, that would be nice,” Sora said.

Ditzy: (Roxas) I don’t know. I rather like it in here.

Doctor: (Sora) No one asked you Roxas.

“Princess, are you sure about this?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “I mean, we’ve only just met them. What do we really know about them?”

“My dear Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia replied patiently, “what did you really know about your friends when you went to find the Elements of Harmony in the Everfree Forest?”

Doctor: That is the most in-character thing Celestia has said this entire story.

Twilight’s silence spoke more than enough for Sora to be comforted that the unicorn would tentatively trust them.

Ditzy: Despite all the dirty looks she was giving him.

In the short time since they’d met, he’d already decided that he trusted these ponies. None of them seemed evil or malicious in any way, and even though he had been confined it was only because they’d been taking precautions in turbulent times.

“Come along my little ponies,” Princess Celestia said, motioning with her head. “Let’s go and talk in a more pleasant location.”

“Ooh! Now I can throw all of you a ‘Getting-out-of-jail-on-good-behaviour-so-you-can-kick-flank-and-save-the-day’ party!” shouted Pinkie Pie.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Though it will be tricky to fit that all on the welcoming banner.

“Princess Celestia, can we use the ballroom?”

The Sun Princess glanced at her sister. “What do you think Luna? Should we host a party for our new friends here?”

“I don’t see why not,” Luna answered,

Doctor: (Luna) We are looking forward to getting ‘giggy with it’.

“so long as it does not get too loud as to wake me from my sleep.” Pinkie Pie shouted in excitement and galloped off so quickly that a Pinkie Pie shaped dust cloud was left behind. “If you’ll forgive me, Celestia,” Luna continued, “I really should be getting to bed now. Please, do let me know when it is time to raise the moon.”

Ditzy: (Luna) We accidently destroyed our alarm clock the previous night.

“As always, my sister,” Princess Celestia said. “You’ve done well last night and today. You’ve earned your rest.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Sucker. I think the moon can stay down for a few more hours.

“I’ll rest easy, knowing that everything is in good hooves,” the midnight mare replied. She turned to the new arrivals. “It was nice meeting you, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Jiminy, Rei. If there is anything you should require, do not hesitate to ask my sister or I.” Princess Luna left then at a quick trot.

Ditzy: (Luna) And yes Riku, we will gladly meet you in our bed chamber later.

Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed with magenta light again, and she opened the cell door further and held it there with her magic. “Well, come on everypony. Let’s get going then.” Riku, Kairi, and Rarity all walked out of the cell while Sora stayed and waited for Rei. She had frozen up again, but this time it didn’t seem like she’d been paralyzed from over-excitement.

Ditzy: The wild Rei is paralyzed! It can’t move!

“Rei, what is it?” he asked quietly.

“Onii-chan,” she said, staring at Twilight Sparkle. “She’s one of them.”

Doctor: Oh no. Notthem!

Ditzy: Is Twilight secretly possessed by a brain slug?

Sora, Riku, and Kairi all stopped and turned to look at the lavender unicorn. Twilight Sparkle looked at them strangely.

Ditzy: (Twilight) What? Is there something in my teeth?

“One of what?” asked Spike the dragon, revealing at last that he could talk just as well as any of the ponies. “What’s Twilight one of?”

Sora sighed and lowered his head. He pushed Rei slightly with a hoof to get her going. “We really do have to talk then. Lead the way Princess Celestia.” She nodded her regal head in acknowledgement, and slowly the procession left the dungeons of Canterlot.

Ditzy: She did it so Riku could get a good look at her flank.

I only hope Twilight will take this as well as Zelda did, Sora thought, glancing over his shoulder.

Doctor: (Sora) They don’t call her the ‘Massacre Princess’ for nothing.

-G-M-

And apparently I’ve still got it. >12 000 words written for a single chapter in little over three days.

Doctor: Impressive, but it would have been far more enjoyable if you cut out all the needless explaining and descriptions. The pacing slowed to a crawl near the end.

Ditzy: For awhile I was worried it would never end.

Shadow Horizons, I’m sorry that I haven’t worked on Annals of Darknessin this time.

Ditzy: (Shire Folk) I was busy playing World of Warcraft.

I really need to get past that King Mickey fighting the hordes of Heartless block in order to get into the meat of that battle. Perhaps I should just listen to “The Encounter” on repeat.

Ditzy: (Shire Folk) Unfortunately, I can barely stomach the song now.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

All: Thanks Celestia!

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“Now Doctor. “ Ditzy said in a stern tone. “I want you to be cleaned up and ready by 6. Dinner should be finished by then.”

“Yes yes.” Doctor said dismissively. He waved his hoof for emphasis. Ditzy did this to him almost every day. He was starting to get tired of it.

“I’m planning on making green bean casserole. How does that sound?”

The Doctor perked up at this. “Sounds fantastic.”

The two went their separate ways. Ditzy walked to the kitchen. She had a lot of work ahead of her. She still has to make those muffins for Dinky, with extra for her and the Doctor of course. She also thought about making a fruit salad to accompany the casserole. While setting up she thought of Sora and his friends and their bizarre and hilarious reactions to be turned into a pony. It was a so different to how the Doctor reacted. She thought back to when she first meet him.

Ditzy gently flew through the air on her way to the last stop on her route Sweet Apple Acres. She was wearing her postmare’s cap with her mail bag hanging around her back. She was eager to finish her work for today. The Summer Sun Celebration was tomorrow and she planning to stay up all night partying with her friends to celebrate.

“Hey Ditzy!” A cheery, hyperactive voice shouted to her.

“Oh hi Pinkie Pie!” Ditzy waved to her and landed next to her. The pink party pony looked even more enthusiastic than usual. Ditzy had a hunch what that meant.

“Guess what! Guess what!” Pinkie bounced around Ditzy happily.

“Uh, what?”

“There’s a new pony in town! And I’m throwing her a super awesome super duper party at the library today!” Pinkie was grinning ear to ear. Ditzy admired Pinkie’s enthusiasm.

“I would love to come.” As strange as Pinkie could be sometimes, she throws one heck of a party. “What time is it?”

“Nine! Be there or be a circle!”

“Sure. See you there!” Ditzy started taking off to finish her route.

“Wait!” Pinkie yelled suddenly surprising Ditzy and causing her to land on her face.

“Oww.” She rubbed her face. “What?”

“Don’t go that way!” Pinkie pointed road that was going a completely different direction to where Ditzy was going. “Go thatta way!”

Ditzy paused for a moment. “What? Why? My last stop isn’t…”

Pinkie interrupted her. “No no no! It’s super duper ultra important you go this way!”

“I...uh… don’t understand.” Ditzy looked at Pinkie confused.

“Trust me. Fate of Equestria… No! The world will change if you don’t! The world!” Pinkie waved in the air frantically. She looked at Ditzy straight in the eyes and at a distance Ditzy found really uncomfortable. Pinkie was almost nose to nose with her and had a completely serious expression. It was starting to scare Ditzy.

“Um, sure. Why not?” Ditzy nodded uneasily.

“Goody. You won’t regret this!” Pinkie started to bounce to wherever. “Later Ditzy! See you at the party!” She waved back to Ditzy.

“Sure.” Ditzy replied nervously and gave a hesitant wave. “See you there.”

“Strange pony.” Ditzy thought to herself. “Should I go the way she said? Why the hay not? It isn’t that out of my way anyway.”

The path did eventually lead to a road that went Sweet Apple Acres. It didn’t put her that out of her way. And Pinkie’s uncanny instincts were never wrong. So why not? She had plenty of time to gather her friends Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Golden Harvest and head to the party at the library.

Ditzy walked the path Pinkie suggested, but much to her disappointment, nothing happened at all. She was almost at Sweet Apple Acres now. “Pinkie is such a silly filly.” Ditzy thought to herself. She froze when she heard a strange sound. She looked to see where the sound was coming from and gasped when she large blue object drop from the sky in a fireball towards a nearby apple field near the Everfree Forest. It crashed with a loud boom.

“What the hay was that!?” Ditzy exclaimed. She rushed over to the crash site to investigate.

In the distance Ditzy could see a large crater. A few apple trees were destroyed by the crash. She peered into the crater and inside it was a large blue box with ‘Police Box’ on top of it standing tall slightly impacted in the ground at an angle. The thing was miraculously intact especially considering it looked like it was made of wood.

Ditzy stared at it in shock. This wasn’t what she expected to find. She slowly walked up to it and touched it with her hoof for a quick second. The thing wasn’t even hot surprisingly. Ditzy jumped in the air in surprise when she heard a creaking sound. The door of the thing opened.

Ditzy contemplated what she should do. “Ok, this thing is obviously from space. It crashed landed so whatever came inside this thing might be hurt! It says police box so maybe some alien police officer might be in there! Or a criminal… No, it doesn’t matter. They might be hurt!”

Ditzy paused to think for a moment. “But what if it attacks me and lays its eggs in me!” Ditzy started to tense up. Aliens was one of her favorite movies and she vividly remembered what the aliens did to ponies in that movie. “No you’re being silly. It probably isn’t even alien at all. Some weird new device created for police ponies to help them get around or something.”

Ditzy shook her head. “There isn’t such thing as little green ponies from space.” Ditzy chuckled at this. “Here to steal our stallions I bet.” She laughed to herself at this absurd thought.

“Okay, get yourself together Ditzy. Somepony might be hurt in there.” She slowly approached the door and peered inside. “But any sign of weird alien eggs, bolt away as far as you can.” Ditzy nodded and steeled her nerves and entered the blue box.

The place was trashed. Debris was everywhere. Many of the strange branches that came from the domed ceiling were broken. Broken rubber tubes hanged from the ceiling. The console with its strange and random looking levers and dials looked half destroyed. The glass tube in the middle of the console had cracks in it. What really caught Ditzy’s eye was the figure underneath the console. She gasped. There was blood on part of the console.

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” Ditzy started to panic. She rushed to the figure to get a good idea of his injuries before rushing for help.

He was a stallion with a grayish amber coat and a darker amber mane and he was wearing a brown suit with a light brown overcoat. For some reason, his outfit didn’t fit him at all. It was too large and didn’t look like something a pony should wear. Not that this mattered to her at this moment. She was too busy frantically checking for injuries.

She expected a serious head wound when she examined him, but didn’t find anything. He looked completely unharmed. “Huh, that’s weird. He looks fine.”

The stallion stirred. Ditzy instinctively stepped back. He opened his eyes. “Oh hello!”

“Are you okay!?”

“A talking equine of some kind! Fancy that! I’ve never seen anything like you before!” He said in a cheery tone then turned serious. “What’s with your eyes? They’re going cross-eyed.”

“I….uh.” Ditzy was offended at the offhooved comment about her condition. “That isn’t important! I think you hit your head. Are you okay?”

“Me? Just fine! Just dandy!” He said with a smile. “I’m the Doctor! And you are?”

“Um. I’m Ditzy. Ditzy Doo.” She said hesitantly.

“It’s nice to meet you Ditzy!” He rose up on all four hooves, and then for some reason tried to stand on his back two legs. Ditzy stared at him in confusion. “I can’t seem to stand on my legs properly.”

“Oh course. Ponies don’t walk on two legs like a bear. That’s just silly.”

“Ponies?” The Doctor pulled up his sleeve and revealed a brown hoof. “Well what do you know? I’m a pony now.” He laughed.” That’s new. It must have happened when I regenerated.” He looked at his new hoof in total fascination.

“Regeneration?” Ditzy was starting to get a headache. Nothing in the last ten minutes has made any sense at all. She was starting to miss the simpler times of ten minutes ago.

“Never changed species before.” He sounded rather amused. “This will be interesting.”

“Change species?!” Ditzy put her hoof to her head. She could feel her headache getting worse. Still it did explain a few things.

“Am I ginger?” The Doctor asked with a pleading look.

“No, you’re mane is chestnut I think.”

The Doctor gave a dejected look. “Darn it.” He sighed and shaked his head. “Oh well, maybe next time.”

Ditzy gave the Doctor another confused look. The Doctor tried his hoof at walking but only fell face first into the ground. “Ouch. This is harder than it looks.”

“It might help if you take off those clothes. They don’t fit you at all.”

“That might be a good idea.” He looked Ditzy over. He noticed that she did in fact have wings. He wasn’t just imagining it. “Do ponies always go around without clothes?”

“Yeah. Someponies like to wear clothes all time though. I don’t bother with them myself.”

“Someponies? Really?” The Doctor looked at her incredulously then shook his head a few moments later. “Makes sense since you do have fur. Not wearing clothing will be a bit awkward to get use to.”

The Doctor pulled his overcoat off with his teeth and got his pants and undergarments off with no trouble. Unbuttoning his suit gave him some difficulty since he didn’t have any fingers anymore, but eventually got it off with this teeth and tongue. Under his breath he complained about how much he missed having fingers. The tie gave him the most trouble, but he eventually got it off. Ditzy marveled at the amount of clothes he used to wear and wondered if he place he came from was really cold. Eventually he got everything off.

“Finally!” The Doctor said in an exasperated voice. He suddenly realized he was completely naked in front of Ditzy. Who was clearly female and also naked. He blushed at this. “Yeah, definitely awkward.”

Ditzy smiled at these memories. The Doctor always had a weird way of approaching things. Changed into a completely different species and trapped in a completely different universe? It was just a brand new experience for him to enjoy. That is what she liked about him. Despite his age and experience, we approached the universe like a wide eyed child. It always brought a smile to her.

“Wait,” Riku groaned, turning to look at Way to the Dawn’s image on his body. “You mean that this tattoo here is called a ‘cutie mark’? Oh gods, my street cred is ruined forever.”

Episode 4 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 3

Hello again. For some time I was thinking about doing a special Halloween/Nightmare Night chapter, but decided against it. I didn’t think I would make it in time, and I didn’t have a good idea of what story I wanted to do. So I decided to just do a normal chapter. But at the last minute I decided to make a compromise and do both! It turned out rather well I think.

This chapter of Guardians of Magic is a perfect example of how NOT to do exposition. It feeds you everything at once instead of having it slowing explained to you during the story. Nobody likes an infodump. Making it a very painful chapter and hard to riff for. Not entirely happy with the results, but I think I did the best I could.

Special thanks to Shire Folk for letting me use his story.

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 4

The Doctor was humming to himself an appropriate song for the holiday, ‘The Monster Mash.’ One of his favorite holiday songs. The Doctor adores Halloween, or in this case Nightmare Night. It gave him the perfect excuse to not only gorge himself on candy, but dress up. This year he decided to dress up as Frankenstein’s Monster. His outfit consisted of a raggedy torn suit with a fading green color, green fur dye, fake stitches on his face and legs, and bolts on his neck. It was his favorite classic monster. He also thought it was a good tribute to his dear friend Mary.

The Doctor surveyed the decorations around the main room and smiled. “Not a half bad job.” He thought. The Doctor and Ditzy had spent most of yesterday setting up decorations. Webs, bats, and fake ghosts hanged from the ceiling. Tombstones and Jack-o-lanterns could be found the floor. The entire room was lit by candlelight. A table with punch, cake, and candy was in the center of the room. The Doctor loved getting in the spirit of things. After the experiment the Doctor and Ditzy were planning on carving pumpkins, which should be interesting.

“Sorry I’m late. I..uh…needed to use the little fillies room.” Ditzy walked into the main room with her Nightmare Night outfit. When the Doctor saw it, he frowned.

“You’re going as that again?” The Doctor said dryly. Ditzy was wearing the same costume she wore last year. She wore a paper bag on her head with a paper bag on each one of her hooves. “A paper bag wizard?” The Doctor guessed.

“No silly. I’m a knight!” Ditzy said proudly. “How can I be a wizard when I’m a pegasus?”

“Right. I see…” The Doctor decided to drop the subject. He didn’t want to get into argument over her costume again this year.

“So what sort of horrifying fanfic do you think we will be reading for the experiment?” Ditzy asked while stealing some candy from the table.

The Doctor shrugged. “Probably some fic that turns Pinkie Pie into a serial killer and has her kill one her best friends in her basement or something.” The Doctor joined Ditzy in her candy munching.

“She better not.” Ditzy said in annoyance. “I will have to give her a stern talking to if she does.”

The Doctor nodded. He started unwrapping a tiny candy bar, but dropped it when the ground under him shook for a moment with a gigantic boom accompanying it. He almost fell to the floor.

“What the hay was that?” Ditzy said in surprise.

*boom* The ground shook again.

“It sounds like something gigantic is stomping above us.”

“Another Ursa?” Ditzy said apprehensively. She hoped her friends and Spike were ok.

“It is nothing my little test subject.” Dinky’s voice came from the main screen.

“Are you sure?” The Doctor said raising an eyebrow.

*boom*

“Yes, I’m sure. Twilight and her friends will solve the problem quickly.” Dinky said with confidence.

“If your…” *boom* ”sure.” Ditzy’s teeth rattled with last shockwave.

“Today’s experiment will be the third chapter of Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk.”

*boom*

The Doctor and Ditzy looked at the screen in confusion. “No horror themed story this time?” The Doctor said while raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah! It’s Nightmare Night! How can you not give us a horror story?” Ditzy asked incredulously.

*boom*

“Well. I was going to…but I couldn’t find a good one. So…this will have to do.” Ditzy said hesitantly.

“It subverts our expectations I guess.” The Doctor said rolling his eyes. A less profound boom reverberated through the room. “I think that thing above us is going away.”

“This is ridiculous.” Ditzy mumbled to herself.

The experiment alarm went off. “I hope everypony above us will be ok.” Ditzy still looked worried.

“It will be fine. Twilight and her friends can handle it…probably.” Ditzy nodded and the two rushed to the theater.

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I’m going to keep beginning author’s notes short, but I need to say this. I know that Rei’s a little irritating right now,

Doctor: Is that so? I haven’t noticed.

Ditzy: Cute, but hyperactive.

but you have to realize that she’s a freaking ten-year-old girl who just got changed into a unicorn and put into a land of ponies.

Doctor: Alright. I’ll give you that.

This isn’t entirely her personality; this is a reaction to a stimulus.

Doctor: Now let’s see how subject Rei reacts to a world of talking insects.

Thank you.

Incoming info dump.

Ditzy: Ponyfeathers!

Doctor: Dinky was wrong about this being a horror story!

Bear with it Kingdom Hearts people.

Ditzy: Well, it at least keeps the Doctor on the up and up about what is happening in Kingdom Hearts.

Doctor: That would be great...if I actually cared.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and My Little Pony are owned by Square-Enix, Disney, and Hasbro, not me.

-G-M-

Guardians of Magic

Chapter 3: Wielders and Keepers

Twilight Sparkle was silent as the group walked through the halls of Canterlot Castle up from the dungeons. Her mind was abuzz with more questions than she could count, and she wasn’t entirely sure who she should direct them to.

All: (Waves a hoof in the air) Ooooo! Ooooo! Me! Me!

Everything these ponies had said seemed so outrageous that it couldn’t be possible,

Doctor: Heartless, other worlds, humans, keyblades, hearts of worlds. It sounded like something out of a fairy tale.

but the way they had said it all just made her want to believe that it was all true. Besides, those shadows that Sora had called Heartless had been real, so it was quite possible that what he said was just as real.

Doctor: The fact that Celestia believed them gave some credibility to their story.

And what Rei said, that I’m one of ‘them’. What is that about? What does she mean, ‘them’?

Ditzy: Their apprehension about telling her frightened her. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.

Directing her attention towards the unicorn filly, she saw that Rei was occupied with asking Spike the latest in a string of questions.

Doctor: (Rei) She’s so cute. Where did you come from?

Ditzy: (Spike) You see Celestia found my egg and… Wait a second, I’m a guy!

“Can you breathe fire?”

“Well, yes,” Spike answered proudly, glad to see that somepony was excited to talk to a dragon.

Doctor: (Spike) It’s finally my time to be in the spotlight!

“Want to see?” Rei nodded her head eagerly, and Spike took a deep breath before exhaling. A tongue of green fire, only as long as the baby dragon’s body, leapt from his mouth. Rei’s face lit up

Doctor: Because Spike accidentally lit it on fire.

in excitement.

“Sora-nii-chan!” she shouted. “Look! He can breathe green fire! Green!” He laughed.

Ditzy: (Rei) Can you do other colors?

“Green, huh?” he asked. “I wonder how Mushu will react to a dragon that breathes green fire.” Rainbow Dash leaned close to Twilight.

Ditzy: (Mushu) Ha! That’s nothing! He’s half the dragon I am! Just look at these muscles! He can’t even compare to a dragon like me.

“What does that mean anyway?” she asked.

“What does what mean Rainbow?”

“That…nii-chan thing that she says.” Twilight shook her head.

Doctor: (Twilight) It must be a customary honorific used by young foals to address a sibling.

“I have no idea Rainbow Dash,” she answered truthfully. “There are a lot of things that they’ve said that I don’t quite understand.”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “You’re telling me. Still, that Keyblade thing was pretty cool.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) It would make me 20 percent more awesome.

“Onii-chan means ‘big brother’,” Rei said suddenly, turning around and walking backwards. “So that’s what I call Sora-nii-chan, big brother Sora.”

Ditzy: Ok, but why? You aren’t Neighponese...technically.

Sora turned his head around from where he walked close to the front with Kairi and Princess Celestia. On his face was a weary smile. “And I’m the only one she uses honourifics for. Doesn’t call Kairi ‘Kairi-chan’ or Riku ‘Riku-kun’ or Riku-san, or nee-san or nii-san, just me.” He sighed. “Sometimes I regret showing her that anime channel.”

Ditzy: (Sora) At least she has stopped saying ‘Desu’ after every sentence.

His marefriend giggled slightly to herself.

Doctor: (Kairi) He isn’t one to talk. He likes to randomly insert words and phrases he hears from anime whenever he talks, regardless to how much sense it makes.

Ditzy: (Sora) Kairi-san! NAN DESU KAN? Domo Kawaii arigatou Mr. Roboto!

“So, Riku, you wouldn’t happen to have a marefriend, would you?” Rarity asked from behind Twilight, the marshmallow-white unicorn walking next to the turquoise one.

“No,” he replied flatly, “and I’m not looking.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) Oh well. How about you Sora? Would you like to have another mare in your herd?

Doctor: (Sora) No. Wait...what?!

Twilight tuned out Rarity in the back and turned

Doctor: To radio 95 FM.

her attention back at the filly. Rei was still walking backwards with a warm smile on her face, and she was staring up at Twilight. “What is it?” she asked. “Do I have something on my face?” Rei shook her head.

“No, I just still can’t believe that I’m here,” she answered cheerily. “This place is like a dream.”

Doctor: Is it really so strange from the other places you have visited?

“And why’s that lil’ missy?” Applejack asked, amused. “You don’t have ponies where you and Sora are from?”

Doctor: (Rei) Yes, but we use them to make glue.

Rei shook her head. “No, we do, it’s just that there aren’t a lot of them, they don’t talk, none are unicorns or pegasuses—I mean pegasi—and none of them have candy-coloured coats like you guys do.”

Ditzy: They’re really really creepy. There is something really unnatural and off-putting about them.

“Hm, sounds pretty lame to me,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Ponies that can’t fly? How lame is that!

“But, if there are so few ponies,” Fluttershy asked in genuine concern, “what about all of the animals?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) And who takes care of the weather?

Twilight could see Rei looking at the pink-maned pegasus in confusion. “What about them?”

“How do they survive? Who looks after them? It must be such hard work for so few ponies to take care of them all.”

Riku appeared to have been listening in from behind them, answering with, “They look after themselves?” as if it were obvious.

Doctor: (Riku) In my world, it’s kill or be killed. If you’re weak, you die. Only the strong survive. The weak are eaten and their corpses are left as a reminder what happens to those that are too pathetic to survive.

Neither Twilight nor her friends could withhold gasps. All six of them stopped in their tracks and stared at the four other ponies, all gathering around each other and gazing at Twilight’s group with perplexed expressions. “What?” Riku asked.

“They take care of themselves?” Spike asked. “But—but that’s not right!”

Ditzy: No kidding. Somepony should do something about that.

Doctor: It’s not that simple Ditzy.

“Their world must be like the Everfree Forest,” Rainbow Dash said, chewing slightly on her hooves, “and we all know how creepy that place is. It just doesn’t work the same as Equestria.”

Ditzy: Creepy true, but it isn’t so bad once you get used to it.

The four human-turned ponies looked at one another. “Everfree Forest?” Sora asked.

Twilight began to explain, although she was now suddenly wary of them again.

Ditzy: Something about them seemed untrustworthy.

Animals looking after themselves, and without anypony lifting a hoof to help? She wasn’t the best with animals,

Doctor: Just remember what happened during her first Winter Wrap Up.

not like Fluttershy or even Applejack, but even Twilight knew how important it was to look after Equestria’s wildlife. “The Everfree Forest is a place where—”

Doctor: Trouble always seems to pop up. It always seems to hide some evil waiting to wreak havoc on ponykind. Cults, ancient evils, two-bit sorcerers, you name it.

Ditzy: Somepony should really fence it off.

“Here we are,” Princess Celestia cut her off, opening a door with her magic. “Come on in everypony. We can talk here in more comfort than those dank dungeons.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Sorry about the mess. Luna isn’t a very tidy pony and refuses to let somepony clean after herself.

“Uh, Princess,” Applejack pointed out, “this here’s the infirmary.”

Doctor: And how is this a more comfortable place to talk? It might be if you enjoy terrible food and the smell of antiseptic.

“You’re right Applejack, it is,” Celestia said. “I recall that you and Captain Cloudhammer came across a pony being attacked by the Heartless, correct? I think that she would like to know exactly what those creatures that attacked her were when she wakes up.”

Doctor: (Celestia) We needed a convoluted reason to keep her in the story.

“You do have a point, Princess,” Rarity agreed. “I know that if that had been me, I would have liked to know myself.”

Doctor: Ok, sure. But why nowof all times?

“Yeah, same here,” added Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia nodded and all of them filed into the room. A light grey unicorn stallion in a white doctor’s coat with a stethoscope around his neck and salt and pepper mane was examining Trixie as she lay on one of the beds. He turned around at the sound of their entrance and smiled slightly.

Ditzy: (Doctor) Thank Celestia! Five more minutes with this mare and I think I would have gone crazy!

“Ah, good afternoon Princess Celestia,” he said. “What brings you here?”

Doctor: (Celestia) Shire Folk insists on keeping her in the story for some reason.

“Good afternoon Doctor Checkup,” the Princess greeted. “How fares our little pony?”

Ditzy: (Doctor Checkup) Fairly well. Unfortunately we had to heavily sedate her just to shut her up!

“She’s doing quite well, considering,” he answered, his smile not leaving his face. “Only a few scrapes and bumps, and it looks like she pulled a muscle in her front left cannon, but beyond that it’s a textbook case of magical exhaustion. However…” he sighed,

Doctor: (Doctor Checkup) She won’t stop ranting about Twilight Sparkle and how her agents won’t get her alive. I am afraid she is suffering from serious delusions.

and this time the smile did slip from his face. “She also appears to be suffering from dehydration and the first effects of prolonged malnutrition. Look at how tight her skin is to her ribcage.

Doctor: (Trixie) Trixie is on a diet! A very strict diet!

She’s lost quite a bit of fat and muscle tissue.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) We will be sure to give her a twenty bit gift certificate to Wacky Hut after she leaves our care and gets back on her hooves.

“So what are you saying doctor?” Twilight asked. “Is Trixie going to be alright?” She turned her violet eyes onto Trixie and couldn’t help but feel pity for her. What could have happened to the proud mare after she’d left Ponyville that could end up leaving her on the ropes like this? Even Rainbow Dash and Rarity were looking at one another in concern.

Doctor: ...Okay fine. You’re right, she doesn’t deserve this no matter how much she had it coming.

Ditzy: (Nods)

“She should be fine Miss Sparkle,” Doctor Checkup told her, “but I recommend that she gets plenty of rest, water, and nutritious meals for the next week, and be confined to this bed for the rest of the day when she wakes up. Don’t let her overeat though. Suddenly gorging herself after living off what looks to be minimal food could upset her system just as much as not eating would.”

Ditzy: Woah. How long has she been starving? I didn’t think she was that bad off.

Doctor: Several months at least.

Ditzy: Poor Trixie...

Princess Celestia nodded. “Thank you Doctor Checkup. We’ll make sure that your recommendation is followed. Would you be a dear and go down to the kitchens? I’m sure that our friend here would love some black bean and carrot soup and a fresh loaf of bread when she wakes;

Doctor: (Checkup) Dammit Celestia! I’m a doctor, not a waitress!

and get some food yourself. I know that you’ve been worrying yourself since Luna brought young Starshine and Moondancer in last night.”

Doctor: Why? Their injuries didn’t seem so bad to me.

Checkup smiled and nodded his head. “As you wish, Your Highness. I’ll be sure to send some up.” As he trotted away, Rei slowly walked up to the bed in which Trixie was lying asleep. Twilight had to admit, Trixie didn’t look anywhere near as haughty while she was sleeping.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Want to drip her hoof in warm water?

Doctor: (Twilight) Rainbow!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Hey, it would be funny!

“Onii-chan,” the little filly said quietly, her eyes still on Trixie’s face, “she’s another one of them.”

Doctor: Oh dear.

Ditzy: I don’t like the sound of this one bit.

“What? Two of them?” Riku asked, stunned. Rainbow Dash hovered above him and turned him around. Circles of aquamarine stared into frustrated, brilliant, rose.

“Two of WHAT?” Rainbow Dash countered. “What is going on here?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) How long are you going to put off explaining this?

“I’d like to know that too,” Twilight said, glancing at each of the Keyblade ponies. “What did Rei mean when she said that I was one of them? I’m one of what? What’s this about?” She looked to Princess Celestia, but her mentor didn’t say a word and only watched.

Sora sighed. “I think it’s time we told you our story.”

All: Ugh.

Doctor: Here we go.

Twilight and the others listened patiently as mostly Sora, Riku, and Kairi told them about how they’d lived on tropical islands in peace for years,

Doctor: In excruciating detail.

Ditzy: (Sora) And then I beat Riku in a race to a tree across the island so I could share…

Doctor: (Applejack) That’s mighty nice Sora, but do ya think ya might want to get to a part that got somethin’ to do with the Heartless?

Ditzy: (Rainbow Dash) Yeah! Jeez, we don’t have all day!

with Riku feeling trapped and confined, struck by wanderlust to go out and explore other worlds,

Doctor: I can relate.

and how in his need he opened the door to the heart of their world and accidentally let the Heartless in to destroy it.

Ditzy: (Gulps) I really hope this doesn’t cover Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2. We will be here all day!

Doctor: Why can’t you just briefly summarize what happened and explain the more intricate details when they become relevant?

They listened to Sora’s tale of how he’d adventured across numerous worlds with two people named Donald and Goofy,

Doctor: Now you’re explaining things off screen? Why not sooner?

trying to find both Riku and Kairi while they searched for their king, and of how Riku fell in with a witch named Maleficent

Doctor: (Twilight) A witch? Really? Are you…

Ditzy: (Sora) For the hundredth time, stop interrupting me everytime you disagree with something! You can ask questions later!

and betrayed Sora because of his jealousy and their rivalry over Kairi’s affections.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Oh my Riku. You were involved in a love triangle? How tragic! How romantic! Two stallions fighting bitterly for Kairi’s love! Fighting an epic duel to death with their keyblades while the love of their life watches helplessly. Unable to stop the two most important stallions in her life from killing each other.

Doctor: (Riku) Uh, no. That’s not what happened.

Kairi’s tale of how her heart had come to rest within Sora’s to keep it safe had them hanging on to every word, and she explained that she was one of seven ‘Princesses of Heart’, maidens with pure hearts of light who when brought together were the key to opening the door to darkness,

Doctor: If you need to hide the key to an ultimate power, why not make it as convoluted as possible?

beyond which lay Kingdom Hearts and the Realm of Darkness. Maleficent had used Riku to assist her in gathering the princesses,

Ditzy: Pete was on vacation.

but they’d needed Kairi’s heart to make their keyhole to the darkness complete, and it couldn’t be completed or the keyhole sealed while her heart was within Sora’s.

“Wait just a minute!” Rarity exclaimed. “You stabbed yourself?”

Doctor: That’s the part you’re taking issue with?

Sora reared up onto his hind legs and pointed at a thin line in his chest.

Ditzy: It... left him a scar somehow? Huh?

“Right there,” he said solemnly. “When I stabbed myself with the Keyblade of Captive Hearts to unlock Kairi’s heart, it came out and was returned to her, but it also caused my heart to fall into darkness.”

Doctor: (Sora) I started wearing all black and wrote angsty poetry.

“Right in front of my face,” Kairi sighed. “Ansem then turned up and would have ended us, but Riku was able to regain control long enough for us to run. Ansem sent a bunch of Heartless after us, but Sora’s Heartless turned out to be just a little Shadow that followed Donald, Goofy, and me all the way through Hollow Bastion. I knew it was him when it looked at me and refused to attack us.”

Ditzy: (Kairi) That, and it looked like a complete sap. I knew it had to be him.

“And I still need to pay Donald back for whacking me on the head with his staff,” grumbled Sora.

Kairi had seen through to Sora, and when the other Heartless surrounded and jumped them she’d shielded him with her body, and the light in her heart took out the Heartless and brought Sora’s heart back into the light.

Doctor: Which caused some interesting side effects. He started wearing Kairi’s outfits and adopted her mannerisms for a few weeks.

They’d all left Hollow Bastion and returned to Traverse Town for a short while, before Sora, Donald, and Goofy returned to Hollow Bastion to seal the keyhole and continue on to save Riku from Ansem.

Doctor: Thanks for the pointless information.

They ventured all the way to the End of the World, where they saw all that remained of the hundreds of worlds shattered and taken by the Heartless, before they found and confronted Ansem. In an epic battle, Sora and his friends emerged victorious in front of the Door to Darkness, but Ansem opened the door. To his dismay, Sora revealed that Kingdom Hearts wasn’t everlasting, eternal darkness, but light, and the light of all the worlds destroyed Ansem.

Doctor: Something he should have seen coming really.

Behind the door to Kingdom Hearts lay the Realm of Darkness, where thousands upon thousands of Heartless gathered,

Ditzy: For the most awesome rave party ever.

prepared to leave the Realm of Darkness and invade the Realm of Light. They were able to shut the door, but it required Riku and King Mickey to stay behind in the Realm of Darkness in able to do it.

Ditzy: Which was surprisingly not that big of a deal.

Then, as all of the worlds whose hearts had been taken were restored, Sora remained behind to search for Riku while Kairi returned to the Islands to wait for them.

Doctor: (Kairi) Not my proudest moment.

Spike was blowing his nose on a tissue Rarity levitated to him, and Twilight rubbed her eyes with a hoof, feeling them getting a bit misty too.

Ditzy: (Sniffs) That and ‘Simple and Clean’ gets me everytime.

Trixie’s soup had arrived even though the unicorn showed no signs of waking yet,

Doctor: Maybe you should have ordered it after she woke up. Now it will just get cold.

and Twilight admitted privately that she was getting a little hungry too;

Ditzy: She stole Trixie’s soup when nopony was looking.

but the story wasn’t over though, and the five little ponies, Princess Celestia, and Spike continued to listen as Sora and Riku each explained about how they both came upon Castle Oblivion and their exploits within,

Ditzy: Wait a second. Only Riku remembers what happened in there!

Riku trying to master the darkness still within him in the form of Ansem, and Sora dealing with his ever-changing memories at the manipulation of a girl named Naminé.

Ditzy: Wait, you explained Kingdom Hearts 1 in painful detail, but only briefly explaining Chain of Memories? The more plot intense game?

Doctor: Thank goodness for small mercies.

“Naminé?” Spike asked. “Wait, didn’t you mention her before, Kairi.”

She nodded her head. “I did. Naminé is my Nobody. Roxas is Sora’s Nobody, and all of the people in black cloaks that Sora, Donald, Goofy, Riku, and King Mickey were meeting were Nobodies.”

“Then, what is a Nobody?” Celestia asked.

Ditzy: A miserable pile of…

Doctor: Ditzy, we already did that joke.

Ditzy: Oh, right.

“If a Heartless is the heart consumed by darkness, the Nobody is the body and soul left behind by a strong heart,” Riku answered. “Because all Nobodies are born from strong hearts, even the most basic Nobodies are stronger than about half of the Heartless varieties we’ve come across, and the more powerful the Nobody the more they look like what they were in life.”

“There were once a group of thirteen powerful Nobodies led by one called Xemnas,” Sora explained.

Doctor: Wait a minute. Xemnas? If you rearrange the letters, you could also call him… (Bursts into laughter)

Ditzy: Xemnas is really lucky that he will never meet you.

“They called themselves Organization XIII,

Doctor: How original. Did it take long to come up with it?

and their goal was to collect hearts with the Keyblade in order to make their own Kingdom Hearts, and use its power to make themselves whole again.”

Ditzy: Come to think of it...whatever happened to that thing?

“Well, that sounds reasonable,” Fluttershy said. “I mean, if I didn’t have a heart, I’d want mine back too.”

Ditzy: Which is why they are so popular.

“You’d think it sounds reasonable,” Sora sighed, “but the thing is that without a heart, Nobodies aren’t able to feel emotion. The end completely justifies the means when they have no ethics holding them back.

Ditzy: Though it turned out to be completely pointless considering they would have just grown a new heart anyway.

Their thirteenth member was Roxas, my Nobody, and because he was a part of me he could use the Keyblade, so they unleashed Heartless into the worlds for Roxas to defeat and collect hearts, not caring about anyone they hurt in the process.

Ditzy: And Xaldin had this creepy fixation on the Beast.

Once Riku, DiZ, and Naminé fixed up my memories

Doctor: Wait a minute. You never explained why exactly Naminé did that in the first place.

and forced Roxas to merge back with me,

Doctor: How heroic of them.

Ditzy: Blame DiZ. He’s a complete plothead!

the Organization continued by using me to gather hearts for them, and they also kidnapped Kairi to ensure my obedience.”

Doctor: When will bad guys realize that is never a good idea? That justs adds fuel to the fire.

“Despicable,” growled Rarity.

“Preaching to the choir there, Rarity,” Kairi agreed. “The only nice ones from what I’ve heard from Naminé and Roxas were Axel and Demyx,

Ditzy: Yeah, they were kinda jerks, and almost everypony in the group was a backstabbing traitor.

while the others could be nice when they tried. Saïx,” she spat his name like it was poison, “certainly wasn’t that nice to me.”

Doctor: (Kairi) He made me do his chores and laundry! Whenever we ordered a pizza, he never let me choose the topping, and he made me pay for the it and the tip to the delivery driver!

“How can you have heard from these two?” Twilight asked before Rainbow Dash could ask the same question. “I thought that at the end of this story you would have beaten Xemnas and the rest of the Organization, rescued Kairi, been reunited with all of your friends, and returned home? And since you’re here, you’re obviously whole, so Roxas and Naminé shouldn’t exist at all, right?” Her friends all looked at Twilight and she flattened her ears sheepishly. “Well, that is the logical conclusion.”

Doctor: (Twilight) According to my calculations, that is the 98.53267 percent most likely conclusion.

“And it’s almost right,” Rei exclaimed. “Sora-nii-chan did beat the Organization and come home with Kairi and Riku and the others, but because Roxas-nii-chan and Naminé merged with Sora-nii-chan and Kairi, they aren’t gone and live instead inside of them.”

Ditzy: Though the cheap jerks refused to pay rent, play loud music late at night, and leave pizza boxes all over the place.

“Huh?”

The three older ponies laughed. “We’ve got them living inside of us,” Sora explained, pointing a hoof at his chest. “We can talk to them telepathically and when Kairi and I are in close proximity they can talk to each other.

Doctor: Doesn’t this mean you have almost no private time to yourself now? And they know what you are thinking at all times.

Ditzy: (Sora) Must not think dirty thoughts. Must not think dirty thoughts. Must not think dirty thoughts.

We essentially have real alter-egos, and with a little effort Kairi and I can switch with Roxas and Naminé, and they’ll appear on the outside and have control of our bodies. We’ve been able to figure out so far that Roxas and Naminé have the ability to remain the dominant personality in control for as long as a week before they tire out and need to go back inside, but we’ve also learned that at any time Kairi or I can hijack their control and put them back.”

Ditzy: Imagine how weird and awkward it would be if those two tried to get frisky while in your bodies.

“Interesting,” Twilight said, rubbing her face with a hoof. “Do you think we could meet them?” Sora and Kairi glanced at one another,

Ditzy: (Kairi) Is this such a good idea? Last time I did this, I gained almost 5 pounds after Naminé gorged herself on sweets!

and then they bent their heads down and closed their eyes. A slight wind blew around them in the room, rustling their manes and coats of fur. From their hooves up their colours began changing. Sora’s mahogany coat darkened into a dark grey colour, and his tail and mane shifted from their chocolate-brown into a golden-blonde. Kairi’s light pink colouring softened until she was just as white as Rarity, her own mane and tail becoming a mix of white-blonde and platinum blonde. On Naminé’s snow-white cannons were pink hoof bands, but the most startling change was that the wings Sora and Kairi each had vanished as their colours changed. A horn grew out of Roxas’ head, while Naminé stood a resplendent earth pony, still wearing the raspberry beret Kairi had been wearing. Roxas’ cutie mark was a pair of crossed Keyblades one white and beautiful and the other the black one Sora had used earlier, while Naminé’s was of an artist’s palette.

Ditzy: But-but that makes no sense! They are technically the same pony, so their cutie marks should stay the same!

Doctor: The fact that they changed into a different race is equally puzzling.

“Hey there,” Roxas said, his cerulean eyes the exact same shade as Sora’s.

Ditzy: (Roxas) Do you want to know why the ladies call me a work horse?

“It’s nice to meet you,” Naminé added, bowing her head slightly. Twilight Sparkle just stared at them in awe while Riku started to snigger, and both Roxas and Naminé turned to look at him. “What is it, Riku?”

“He’s a unicorn and you’re an earth pony,” he answered.

Doctor: Why exactly?

Naminé did not seem to be very amused. “Really? I’m an earth pony?

Doctor: What’s wrong with being an earth pony?

Ditzy: I really think I’m not going to like Naminé.

I’m the most magical one in this group and I become an earth pony while the two who can barely use magic become unicorns?

Ditzy: (Naminé) Why am I a filthy mud pony when I could be a beautiful and graceful unicorn instead?

Doctor: Now now. I don’t think she means to be so flippant about earth ponies.

Ditzy: I can spot a bigot a mile away.

How does that make any sense?”

Ditzy: I still think Sora should have been an earth pony. It suits him.

Doctor: What does it matter? It isn’t like you are going to be in that body for long anyway!

“Naminé, it makes perfect sense,” Roxas answered her. She trained her indigo eyes onto him in complete skepticism. “Sora and Kairi are the most athletic of us, so they get wings and become pegasi, able to run and fly and do all sorts of cool tricks.”

Ditzy: What? There are a lot of earth ponies and unicorns that are athletic too! Being a pesasi doesn’t make you a natural athlete!

Doctor: By your logic, I should be a unicorn because my intelligence and studiousness. Except, I’m not...at all.

“Naturally,” Rainbow Dash agreed, puffing her chest out proudly on behalf of all pegasi.

Doctor: (Rolls his eyes) Of course.

“Tell me how they’re the most athletic when Riku’s the one on the Maechen Manticores’ Blitzball team and Sora and Kairi are only second-string for the Basch Justiciars’ senior boys and girls teams?”

Ditzy: (Riku) Heck, Sora’s nickname on the team is ‘The Bench Warmer’.

“Ever see me doing those crazy flips and acrobatics that they’re always using?” Riku asked.

Doctor: (Roxas) True. I’ve always thought you would make an excellent ballet dancer.

“Hmm,” Naminé grumbled, “point taken.”

Doctor: It’s almost as if your theory is based on groundless assumptions.

“And remember what horns are?” Roxas asked her. “What do animals use their horns for?”

Ditzy: Roosting marshmallows?

“Establishing male dominance and proclaiming their strength and ability for all eligible females and for rival males to take note of when searching for mates,” Naminé supplied dryly.

Doctor: Except none of that applies to ponies.

Ditzy: Did she read that from a Ponypedia article?

Roxas rolled his eyes. “They’re weapons Naminé, used for competing with each other and defending their mates and herds.

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure ancient mares didn’t fight over stallions with their horns. They are too short.

Riku and I are the best swordsmen of the group—no, Sora, I’m still better than you—so it’s only natural that we get them.”

Ditzy: Did it ever occur to them it might just be random chance and there is no reason?

Doctor: I suspect their transformations might be personality based, not ability based.

Spike looked up at Fluttershy. “Is that really what they’re for?”

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Indead. It is quite fascinating to watch a deer defend itself from a wolf. Though, it usually doesn’t end well for the deer. It’s a shame, but the wolf does need to eat.

“I believe so,” she said, “but I know that I’ve never seen any of my deer friends fighting one another over a doe before. When one of them takes an interest in a doe, they just go for a stroll in the meadow together, not compete with another male in a way they could get hurt.”

Doctor: They play chess confusingly enough.

“And you,” Roxas said, “you, well…”

Doctor: Naminé has blue eyes and blond hair right?

Ditzy: Yes.

Doctor: ...That’s unfortunate….

Naminé sighed. “I’m not the most athletic or very good with a sword. My art can be just as magic as my magical arts are, but I’m not physically strong.”

“Well now that doesn’t make very much sense at all, dear,” Rarity said. “Most earth ponies are stronger physically than unicorns or pegasi.”

Doctor: (Naminé) Those worthless unmagical earth ponies actually have something going for them?

“And while they can’t actively use magic like us unicorns can,” Twilight added, “they do have a stronger connection to the earth when it comes to growing things or taking care of animals than other ponies.

Doctor: And I have noticed that there are many earth ponies have talents in metal work, mining, and construction.

But it does make some sense too; a lot of earth ponies have a variety of talents besides looking after the land or animals.

Doctor: It just goes to show that you can’t judge other races and species with stereotypes and preconceptions.

Ditzy: I’m looking at you Roxas and Naminé!

Pinkie Pie’s a real party pony, and both she and the Cakes are pastry chefs. I don’t think any of them are anywhere near as strong as Applejack.”

Doctor: And Big McIntosh can drag a house! A house!

“Aw, shucks Twi, yer making me blush.”

The colouring of the Roxas and Naminé started to revert as Sora and Kairi reasserted control. “Well, that was short-lived,” Roxas said dryly.

Ditzy: (Roxas) Our minutes are up.

“It was nice seeing you all personally!” Naminé added.

Ditzy: Good riddance.

Doctor: Indead.

“I do see why Kairi keeps that beret though,” Rarity called. “It looks lovely on you Naminé!”

Ditzy: (Rarity) Though I have no idea why Kairi insists on wearing it all the time.

“Thank you!” Naminé answered just before her head became light pink once again.

Ditzy: I just thought of something. Did it bother you when you realized that you wouldn’t be able fly or use magic like pegasi and unicorns when you first became a pony?

Doctor: It was a bit disappointing, but it didn’t bother me too much. Sure it would have been nice. Being able to fly sounds fun, but I don’t need either to get by. I’m happy the way I am.

Sora shook his head, now fully in control once again. He looked at Riku. “I’m surprised you didn’t try to head-butt Roxas.”

Ditzy: (Riku) I was worried that he would use that horn of his to poke my eye out.

“Meh, he had a horn too. Would’ve taken us hours for me to get the better of him.”

Doctor: Not surprising given the size of their horns and they aren’t usually that sharp.

Ditzy: Why do they keep thinking of their horns as weapons?

“He says that he agrees, except you’d be the loser.”

“When we have a free day, he can come at me and prove it himself.”

Rarity sidled up to Twilight and began whispering in her ear. “Now that’s something I wouldn’t mind watching,” she said.

Doctor: (Rarity) Maybe they can fight in Jello or mud.

Twilight sighed.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Typical macho stallion behavior.

“So, you guys got back home,” she said. “What happened then?”

Ditzy: (Sora) Our story when on hiatus for about 10 years, and they released about a half a dozen prequels and remakes instead of continuing the story.

Kairi answered. “King Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Pluto, and Jiminy all went back to Disney Castle, and we returned home to our daily lives. Rei was really excited to see Sora back,

Ditzy: Who was never mentioned and shown before this.

and all of us were grounded for two weeks.

Ditzy: Two weeks!? He was gone for years!

School started up again,

Doctor: Unfortunately, Sora had to start at the 8th Grade.

we got a letter from King Mickey thanking us for all of our hard work and sacrifice, and time passed peacefully. However, we knew that we certainly hadn’t seen the end of it, and I had just gotten my own Keyblade and wasn’t that good with it, so Sora and Riku trained me both in swordplay and magic.”

Ditzy: (Kairi) Well, mostly Riku. Sora slept through most of our training sessions.

“We could notice her getting better and stronger every week,” Sora said proudly. “In five months, Kairi was almost on par when it came to fighting with her Keyblade to me and Riku,

Doctor: So either Kairi is really talented at using a sword, or you guys really suck.

Ditzy: Kairi grinded like crazy.

and she’d already surpassed me in her ability to use magic. We started dating six months after we got back to the islands—”

“About fricking time too,” Riku muttered.

Ditzy: (Riku) If I have to hear ‘It’s not like I like you or anything’ one more time...

“—and while her dad wasn’t the most supportive of us training her to fight after he found out, he did understand the need for it and both of our feelings in the matter.

Doctor: (Sora) He, however, did not support me being Kairi’s boyfriendand chased me with a shotgun.

Kairi didn’t want to be a damsel in distress anymore and help me and Riku out without being a burden,

Ditzy: Ironically, Sora ended up the burden of the group because of his poor base stats.

and more than anything I wanted to make sure she was safe, so keeping her close but able to stand on her own two feet were the best things to do,” Sora continued, smiling at his marefriend.

“That was almost seven months ago,” Kairi said. “We kept on training and doing schoolwork, hanging out and having fun, but then, just over a month ago, something happened that told us our peacetime was over.” She looked at Rei.

Ditzy: (Rei) I-It wasn’t completely my fault really!

The filly gulped and looked at Twilight Sparkle. She glanced once to Princess Celestia, and then to her older brother. He nodded, and Rei turned back to Twilight. Apprehension filled every limb in Twilight’s body.

Doctor: Is Twilight destined to destroy the world or something? Out with it already!

Now she would learn just what it was that Rei had mentioned. Rei opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get more than two words out a groan from the bed interrupted her.

All: (Groans) Thanks Trixie!

-G-M-

Trixie opened her eyes slowly, seeing everything in a fuzzy haze while consciousness returned to her. Dull pain wracked her body, and she felt incredibly weary. Her stomach ached from its now chronic emptiness, and Trixie regretted having eaten that last cinnamon-coated pinecone as a late-night snack instead of saving it for a time when she needed it, like right now.

Doctor: If only grass wasn’t a hard to come by commodity in Equestria!

Ditzy: Doctor, have you ever tried to eat grass off the ground?

Doctor: Well...no...

Ditzy: It isn’t pleasant.

She closed her eyes again, and remembered what had happened before she blacked out. Those shadows, what were they, and where was she for that matter? She couldn’t have gotten rid of all of them, and even if she had, shouldn’t she be lying on the road? This certainly felt like a bed beneath her back.

Trixie opened her eyes again. There was a white ceiling above her. “Where am I?” she asked aloud.

“Ah, so you’re awake now.”

That voice! There was only one pony in all of Equestria who had such a maternal and majestic voice like that.

Doctor: Twilight Velvet?

Ditzy: Berry Punch?

Trixie turned her head in a little bit of shock to see Princess Celestia herself standing beside her bed.

Doctor: Oh, right.

Ditzy: Yeah, that should have been obvious.

“P-Princess!” she stammered. “To what does the Great and P—I mean, to what does the humble Trixie owe the pleasure?”

Sweat began beading on Trixie’s face

Ditzy: (Trixie) Maybe if Trixie quickly jabs her in the face, Trixie can make a run for it.

as the questions continued to assault her mind. Obviously she was now in Canterlot Castle with the princess here, but how did she get here, and why would Princess Celestia be here, waiting for her to wake up?

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s it! She’s going to brainwash Trixie so Trixie can’t go after her student!

The Sun Princess’ gentle voice touched her ears again. “You have no need to be afraid, Trixie,” she said. She lowered a wing to softly brush against Trixie’s face. “The castle is safe from the shadows that attacked you earlier. Please, be calm; you’re among friends here.”

Trixie felt herself calming down at the soft words Princess Celestia spoke. Her touch felt like a warm sunbeam,

Ditzy: (Trixie) That feels really nice. Ok, getting little hot now. Stop it or Trixie’s face will melt off!

and Trixie let a small smile come to her face as some of her worries were swept away for the moment.

Doctor: Like where will she find a good cardboard box to sleep in after she leaves the hospital?

Ditzy: If Donut Joe’s dumpster will have partly fresh donuts for her to salvage.

“Thank you, but Princess Celestia,” she had to ask, “how did Trixie get here?”

“You could thank us for that.”

Trixie’s eyes widened at the voice.

Doctor: (Trixie) (Venomously) You! Twilight Sparkle!

She’d heard it before, but it had certainly belonged to one of the ponies that she had humiliated when she’d performed in Ponyville.

Doctor: (Trixie) Oh no. Twilight and her minions are on to me!

Princess Celestia still smiled warmly and stepped aside, revealing several other ponies in the room, and Trixie could immediately recognize most of them as Ponyvillians. It was the blue pegasus who had spoken, and even though she sounded a little annoyed, she did look somewhat concerned.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Are you ok? Not that I care or anything. Idiot.

“Are you alright, Trixie?” the lavender unicorn asked her. Trixie’s eyes darted between the unicorn and Princess Celestia. Trixie had heard more about this particular mare and her friends since she’d left Ponyville. She was undoubtedly Twilight Sparkle, the Bearer of the Element of Magic of the six Elements of Harmony, a pony that had saved Equestria from eternal night and chaos along with her friends, and was the personal protégé of the white alicorn standing beside Trixie’s bed.

Ditzy: (Trixie) What a shameless Mary Sue that Twilight Sparkle is! What next? Becoming a Princess?

And Trixie had…

Doctor: Only a baby pin, a paper clip, and a piece of gum. It would more than be enough to escape with.

A small unicorn filly looked up at a brown pegasus stallion. “Sora-nii-chan, why is her face turning white?”

Doctor: Trixie could see several blunt objects in the hooves of the ponies in front of her. They looked eager.

“Trixie, you don’t have to be scared,” Princess Celestia said in understanding, drawing the azure unicorn’s attention back to her and away from the Ponyville ponies.

Doctor: A mistake she regretted when they pounced on her.

“I have heard about you from my faithful student, and I want you to know that neither I nor Twilight harbour any ill feelings towards you.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Everypony else on the other hoof...

Trixie blinked, and some of the colour returned to her face. “You…you don’t hate Trixie for what she did?”

Doctor: Hate is a strong word.

Ditzy: Hate you? No way. A little annoying maybe.

Twilight shook her head and smiled softly. “No Trixie. Although your boasting about things you never did was a bit much, nopony could have expected Snips and Snails to actually go and bring an Ursa Minor to town.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Although I can blame somepony else for giving them the idea in the first place!

Doctor: (Spike) Hey! I never meant for them to take the challenge seriously!

Rarity stomped a hoof on the floor. “You turned my mane green!”

Trixie bit her lip and lowered her head. “Yes, well, Trixie does feel a little foalish for her conduct in Ponyville.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And Baltimare, and Manehatten, and Van Hoover, and...

Applejack huffed. “A little? Are you hearing this Twi?”

“Applejack,” Twilight hissed.

Doctor: (Twilight) Can’t anypony let go of a grudge around here?!

“In fact, it was not only Ponyville that gazed upon the Great and Powerful Trixie as some of you did,” Trixie admitted in a quiet voice. “Fillydelphia and Baltimare were…less kind to Trixie than the rustic Ponyville was.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Where did the crowd even get all that rotten fruit?

Spike rolled his eyes. “Gee, why am I not surprised?”

Trixie shot the baby dragon a look.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Do you think it is fun being booed and pelted off a stage!?

“If you must know, the Great and Powerful Trixie’s feats of unparalleled magic show ended in Ponyville.

Ditzy: The loss of her cart and everything she owned probably had something to do with it.

The Ursa Minor showed Trixie that she was a fool to trumpet feats she had never accomplished;

Ditzy: (Coughing) Horseapples.

that sooner or later her she would get herself into situations too big for her if she continued, or turn ponies she couldn’t best against her and possibly get herself hurt.”

Doctor: What did you expect when you go from town to town humiliating and insulting everyone you come across?

Princess Celestia nodded kindly. “It sounds like you learned an important lesson about friendship.”

“Friendship?” Trixie laughed.

Ditzy: (Trixie) You believe in that load of nonsense? Friendship is for the weak!

“Princess, you give the Great and Powerful Trixie too much credit. Trixie only remembered to be honest and a bit more modest to other ponies.”

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Somehow I doubt that.

Doctor: Right modest, of course. That’s why you still call yourself ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ and refer to yourself in third person in normal conversation. In front of a Princess no less.

“But honesty is an important part of friendship,” Fluttershy said softly, coming closer towards Trixie and earning the unicorn’s attention for the first time. “Why, if nopony was honest with anypony else, then the foundation of trust many friendships are built on couldn’t exist.”

Doctor: Insert politician joke here.

“You must be Fluttershy, Bearer of the Element of Kindness.” Trixie noted that the yellow pegasus took a half-step back at her blunt tone.

Doctor: How does she know that? Celestia suppressed as much information as possible about the Elements of Harmony and its bearers so she could to protect them.

Ditzy: Either Trixie really is out for revenge, or she’s a stalker.

“Why, yes, I am. It’s nice to actually meet you, Trixie, but I don’t really think we should keep you talking very long. You just woke up after all, and I’m sure you’re very hungry.” Trixie’s traitorous stomach growled loudly in agreement, and she defiantly raised her head, daring any of them to laugh.

All: (Laughs)

Ditzy: Ok, maybe that was a bit rude.

Twilight’s horn glowed with magenta light, and a bowl of soup flew towards Trixie’s bedside. “Here,” said Princess Celestia. “I had the doctor looking after you send this up from the kitchens. Eat up my little pony, and don’t hesitate to ask for more when you’ve finished.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wait a second...this is almost empty!

Doctor: (Twilight) (Whistles innocently)

A loaf of fresh bread was also levitated towards her, and Trixie felt a smile come to her face when she saw that none of them were now giving her looks of distrust.

Doctor: (Trixie) What idiots. All Trixie needed were a few words of apology and Trixie was able to completely gain their trust! This is far too easy.

“Thank you,” she said, her horn now glowing with violet light as she grasped hold of the bowl of soup and spoon. “Trixie is…grateful for your kindness and understanding, Twilight Sparkle, but she…I must know. How did I get here? The last thing Trixie saw were those shadow things surrounding her.”

Doctor: (Twilight) After noticing that flash you created, we saw that you were in danger. We rushed down to save you. After defeating the Heartless, we argued for about 5 minutes about whether or not we should leave you to die. Rarity was especially adamant about leaving you. In the end we did the right thing and rescued you.

Ditzy: (Trixie) ...Thanks...real heroes all of you.

“Princess Celestia summoned us to Canterlot and had one of the Pegasus Guard captains assigned to get us,” Twilight Sparkle answered. “We saw a big flash of light below us and saw you surrounded by Heartless, so that’s when Captain Cloudhammer and his team flew us down to your rescue.”

Trixie paused in eating her soup to raise her eyebrow at Twilight. “Heartless?” she asked snidely. “Is that what we’re calling those things?”

“It’s what they are,” spoke up one of the other ponies in the room, a brown pegasus with a wildly spiked chocolate mane, “and unfortunately, you and Twilight are going to be seeing a lot more of them.”

Ditzy: (Sora) They are going to have a convention soon.

“And you are?” Trixie asked.

“I’m Sora,” he replied, “and this is Kairi, Riku,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Hubba-hubba! (Wolf whistles and howls)

Doctor: (Riku) Oh for Zeus's sakes! Can I go anywhere without some girl drooling over me!?

and Rei. We came to Equestria by accident, but we’re here to deal with the Heartless, and we’d like you and Twilight to accompany us when we leave.”

Ditzy: Unfortunately, Trixie ended up as one of those gimmick characters nopony ever uses and spent most of her time out of the main party.

Trixie narrowed her eyes. “And why should the Great and Powerful Trixie go with you?”

Doctor: (Sora) We offer very good benefits. We pay travel expenses, have matching 401k, offer health, dental, and life insurance, and have employee stock purchase plans. We also have very good opportunities for promotion.

For some reason, all the ponies looked at the little filly. She sighed, took a deep breath, and came closer to Trixie. Rei glanced at Sora, then Twilight, and finally settled her gaze on Trixie. “About a month ago, I had a dream,” she said. “I was standing on a platform with a floor of stained glass in the middle of a dark place.

Ditzy: (Rei) Typical Kingdom Hearts dream stuff.

Painted on it were me and my brother, and at first I didn’t know why I was having this dream, but then a voice spoke to me. It told me that dark days were ahead,

Doctor: Aren’t they always? Why can’t nice days be ahead for once?

and that my brother would need my help to overcome them. The voice showed me flashes of people that would be the key. I can’t really remember what they look like now,

All: How convenient.

but I know that I know who they are, and the voice told me to gather them, the Keepers of the Art.”

Ditzy: Sora and his friends need to gather hip-hop artists?

“Keepers of the Art?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well what in the hay are they supposed to be?” Applejack wondered, glancing around.

Doctor: A plot device to get Twilight and her friends on adventures in other worlds.

Princess Celestia, however, gasped and leaned towards Rei. “Are you sure? Are you sure you were told to gather the Keepers?” Rei nodded, apparently surprised at the sudden earnest of the alicorn.

Doctor: Is it really such a good idea to trust some unknown voice in your head?

“Princess Celestia, what is it? What are the Keepers of the Art?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“And what do Twilight Sparkle and Trixie have to do with them?” Trixie asked. She took another sip of her soup, but she had to admit that the filly’s tale was intriguing. Preposterous for all of this fuss because of a dream and a voice, but Celestia’s reaction to it was no doubt intriguing.

Doctor: On the other hoof, Celestia overreacts all the time. It might be nothing.

The Sun Princess turned a steady eye on her pupil. “The Keepers of the Art are said in legend to be six beings, united together in mastery of the arcane art that we call magic. Together, they can perform feats of magic impossible for a single unicorn to do alone, or even a hundred combined. Luna and I together would even be dwarfed by their combined power.”

Doctor: Wait a minute, this sounds familiar….

Ditzy: !

“Really?” Trixie asked, the spoon dropping onto the white sheet and slowly beginning to stain it red. Princess Celestia nodded.

Ditzy: (Celestia) You’re paying for those sheets by the way.

“Yes,” she said, “and it is also said that together they can divine the location of any magical artifact and summon it, or at least clear a path towards it, in an instant. They also uphold the universe’s flow of magic just by existing.”

All: (Jaw drops)

Doctor: H-how did you know that!?

Ditzy: I-I-I don’t know!

Kairi nodded her head. “Yeah. Master Yen Sid said about the same thing to us. He also told us that new Guardians are born whenever the others eventually die, but that if all six were to be killed at once then the Realms of both Light and Darkness would be thrown into total chaos as magic went haywire without anyone to uphold it.”

Doctor: Um, is it such a wise idea to try and gather them then?

Ditzy: This can’t end well.

“Soon after Rei had the dream, Heartless appeared on the Islands and tried to take her,” Sora said. “But we were able to fight them off, and Rei got a Keyblade during the fighting. I…I honestly didn’t want to believe that she was the only one who knew who the Guardians were; that my little sister was to be my key to connecting everything, but she is.

Ditzy: I have a theory about this. I think I know what Rei is.

Doctor: A clumsily introduced OC character?

Ditzy: I think Shire Folk is too good of a writer to do something like that. I think Rei is a clone of Sora.

Doctor: A… clone?

Ditzy: She was created by Xehanort as a spy and he used some magic to insert her into his life with him none the wiser. He only thinks he has previous memories about her. Maybe something about Rei causes that in others. Then he gave her the power to find the keepers and sent Sora on a quest to find them for him!

Doctor: Uh huh.

Ditzy: I think it is awfully convenient that a previous unmentioned sibling of Sora not only can use a keyblade, but can find the Keepers of the Art as well! And was compelled by a mysterious voice to do it! She is also a perfect tool to manipulate and break Sora’s heart! Making it easy to make Sora’s heart fall into darkness allowing Xehanort the perfect opportunity to use his body however he pleases!

Doctor: That just sounds wrong. And you reading too much into this. It could just be plain old contrivance.

Ditzy: Nope, I’m sure there is something sinister going on here!

Thanks to her we’ve already found one of them, and now you and Trixie bring our count up to three, Twilight.”

“You said, ‘Guardians’ just now,” Trixie said. “I thought that they were called ‘Keepers’.”

Ditzy: Shire Folk messed up while editing this.

Sora smiled sheepishly. “Well, technically, yes. But, Keepers of the Art just doesn’t sound as cool or easy to understand as Guardians of Magic

All: Title drop!

does, because that’s essentially what they are.”

“So Sora’s taken to calling them the Guardians of Magic,” Riku clarified.

Ditzy: (Riku) He has already trademarked it and is selling t-shirts and coffee mugs on his website.

“You hear that Twilight,” the baby dragon said. “You’re a Guardian of Magic! How cool is that?”

Doctor: (Spike) Maybe you can get on in this sweet merchandising deal!

“But what makes you so sure that Trixie is one of them?” Trixie demanded before anypony else could speak. “Tell me you have more to go on than a filly’s dreams! It is true that Trixie’s talent is magic,

Doctor: Illusion magic to be precise.

but she has not the power of Twilight Sparkle or the princesses. Trixie cannot defeat an Ursa Major, or even an Ursa Minor, and has never channelled the magic of the universe before.

Doctor: Except that is exactly what magic does.

Though Trixie has good mastery and understanding of magic, all she has for tricks are minor conjurations and illusions, though she has—”

Ditzy: Sora kissed her to shut her up.

A flash of light silenced Trixie as her voice continued to drop. In front of the mare hovered something that she had never truly seen before, but thought she glimpsed before fading into unconsciousness earlier.

“There was only one other thing that Master Yen Sid gave us to go off of when finding the Guardians besides Rei’s half-remembered dream vision,” Sora said. “Each of the Guardians has the potential to summon a Keyblade.”

All: …

Ditzy: Maybe a certain wall-eyed pegasus will turn out to be a Guardian too and get a keyblade of her own too?

Doctor: The story isn’t going to change itself because you plead it to.

Ditzy: It’s worth a try.

-G-M-

So yes, Trixie has a Keyblade and Twilight will be getting one as well.

Doctor: Wonderful. Now we will never be rid of Trixie!

The astute will note that this means that Zelda has one too.

Ditzy: Why a keyblade? Couldn’t Shire Folk come up with something more original?

Please leave your feedback if you wish, and I hope you’re all enjoying the story.

Ditzy: Can something happen already? Please!

Doctor: Somehow this chapter felt even longer than the last one and that one was twice as long!

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

The Doctor and Ditzy left the theater groaning. “That took forever!” Ditzy whined. The Doctor nodded in agreement.

“I want to like the story. I really do.” Ditzy waved her hooves in the air for emphasis. “But it won’t let me!”

“It would help if Shire Folk didn’t feel the need to explain every little thing.” The Doctor shook his head. “It’s like he constantly afraid his audience will get lost if he doesn’t make everything perfectly clear.”

“It’s a shame. I think it has the makings of a good story.” Ditzy sighed. “Hmmm… Is it even still Nightmare Night?”

The Doctor glanced at a nearby antique cuckoo clock that came from his TARDIS. “It’s only half past seven.”

“The night is still young then!” Ditzy clapped her bagged hooves together in glee.

“So what do you want to do first?” The Doctor asked. The two had several activities planned for tonight: watching horror movies, eating all the candy they want, playing Nightmare Night games, carving pumpkins, telling scary stories, and playing some horror games Ditzy picked out.

“Well...how about…” Ditzy was interrupted when the ground once again shook for a moment. The Doctor and Ditzy froze. “That thing again? I hoped it was taken care of by now!”

The ground continued to shake and it sounded like the thumping was getting louder. Decorations were starting to fall off the ceiling. “This can’t be good.”

The sound got louder and louder until a giant foot crashed through the ceiling. Dust flew in all over the place. The Doctor and Ditzy instinctively dove under the table for protection. Something cried out an unearthly scream of surprise. The Doctor and Ditzy looked from under the table and could only stare in surprise at the eldritch thing in front of them.

It was gigantic and was covered with grayish brown tentacles that appeared to be its fur of sorts. On its toes were giant black talon like claws. It was nothing like the Doctor had even seen before. After recovering from the shock of seeing it, the Doctor couldn’t help but smile.

“Looks like we found a way out of here.” The Doctor grinned wickedly.

“Finally!” Ditzy returned the smile.

Episode 5 - Part 1 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 4

Hello again. Extra long chapter this time. I decided to do two chapters for this episode. It is split into two parts to make it easier to navigate chapters and save on file size. This is should be the last of Guardians of Magic for now. I might come back to it sometime in the future, but I don’t think that is very likely. It is just too long and I really want to move on to something else. I think I picked a decent chapter to end off on. If you have liked what you have read so far, continue on reading. I think the story gets better from beyond here. Even if it is a bit slow.(Shire Folk, why are Sora and Co. STILL in Equestria?)

Next time I am going to do The Darkness of Love by Grimm Reaper.Since each chapter is pretty short, I am going to do multiple chapters per episode. They too will be broken into different parts for convenience. Also, check it out. I created cover art for DDST(Something I have been putting off for far too long). What do think?

Special thanks to Shire Folk for letting me use his story.

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 5 - Part 1

The Doctor groaned. His head felt hazy and had trouble standing up. All this seemed all too familiar. He looked around and his suspicions were proven correct. He was once again trapped in that strange facility. It was going so well too. The Doctor had just sent that strange eldritch creature back home with the help of Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. It turns out that it was just a lost and scared baby trying to find its mother. The Doctor nicknamed her Georgia.

Somehow the Cutie Mark Crusaders summoned it when they found the Necroponicon under the floorboards in Twilight’s library. It baffled the Doctor how ancient and dangerous magical books kept showing up in the public library of a small town. The Crusaders somehow got in their heads that they should try being Cutie Mark Crusaders Demon Summoners. Fortunately for Equestria, they messed up the summoning ritual. It required the sacrifice of a live chicken. The ritual required blood in order for it to work properly and the Crusaders couldn’t go through with it, so they used tomatoes instead. They reasoned that it would be close enough. Since the ritual wasn’t properly performed, it summoned Georgia instead. If the Doctor was asked to describe her , he would say she was a cross between a goat, a cat, and gorilla…with a lot of tentacles.

It took some time, but they were able to calm Georgia down after Rainbow Dash foolishly attacked her thinking she was a rampaging monster. Fluttershy sung her to sleep. She knew the creature was only baby and that she was scared and lost with just a look. Somehow Fluttershy’s talent with animals worked with eldritch creatures from beyond their reality. The Doctor had to admit that Fluttershy was right about her being cute, in a weird tentacle filled way. After getting the full story from the Crusaders, Twilight and the Doctor studied the Necroponicon and were able to come up with a counter spell to send Georgia back home.

When the Doctor questioned, well mostly yelled at, the Crusaders for trying to summon a demon, they themselves were not quite sure why they even did it. The Doctor wondered if it was possible that someone or something prayed on their innocent, susceptible minds to cause havoc. After saying goodbye and sending the Necroponicon to Celestia for safekeeping(The Doctor refused to let Twilight have too a good look at it. Some knowledge is best left forgotten), the Doctor and Ditzy left to go to Golden Harvest’s house so they could come up with a plan to stop Dinky and get the Tardis back, but they got captured again. It was typical really, something he should have seen coming. The Doctor was no stranger to be recaptured after escaping. Sometimes it happened to him four or five times in one day!

The Doctor sighed. He should have told Twilight and her friends about their predicament. Now they were trapped here again with little chance of rescue. Still, it wasn’t a complete loss, he learned that the facility was located at the edge of Ponyville near the school. Knowledge he was sure he could use. What really puzzled the Doctor is where this facility came from and how it was built without anyone noticing.

The Doctor look a good look at the room he was in, it was the same room he left when they tried to escape and it was in complete disarray. All the Nightmare Night decorations they set up previously to have a fun Nightmare Night were scattered in a complete mess all over the room. Decoration, treats, various Nightmare Night games, and pieces of the destroyed ceiling littered the floor.

“What a mess.” The Doctor sighed again and began his search for Ditzy. He found her only a few feet away. Both of them were still dress in their Nightmare Night costumes. To his relief Ditzy was slowly getting to her hooves as well.

“What happened?” Ditzy said groggily. She took in her surroundings. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Yep.” The Doctor said simply. “Stuck here again.“

“Horse’s apples!” Ditzy cursed. She stomped a hoof in frustration. “I was so sure we would be able to escape. They hit us before we even saw them coming!”

This was true. One minute they were in Ponyville again a few blocks from Twilight Sparkle’s library, next minute, back here again. The Doctor looked up. “The ceiling is fixed it seems.”

“That was quick.” Ditzy mussed. “Now what?”

“I am very disappointed in your two.” The sudden appearance to Dinky’s voice made the Time Lord and his companion jump. Dinky’s voice had a harsh and annoyed tone to it. With the distorted effect added to it, it also came off as creepy. “I will have to come up with a suitable punishment for this.”

“We should have just given up a perfectly good chance to escape?” The Doctor mused. “You don’t seem to know us very well.”

“Yeah, it’s nice here and everything.” Ditzy replied. “But we just want to leave already.”

“Quite true. Quite true.” The Doctor said quickly. “Places to go. People to meet. We are very busy ponies. The universe won’t save itself.”

“That’s just too bad.” Their captor said in an irritated tone. “First…no dessert for two months!”

“Um, ok.” The Doctor said very confused. Ditzy, on the other hoof, looked like Dinky just said they were going to be tortured.

“And after you clean this mess up, you are going straight to your room. You are grounded for a month! No games or anything fun!” It sounded like Dinky was taking great pleasure in punishing them like this.

The Doctor blinked. “Wha?” He was being grounded. He was being grounded and sent to room. Nothing like this has even happened to him in eons. No villain has ever done this to him. They usually brought out threats, death traps, torture, and worst of all, villainous monologuing. He was too stunned to say anything. Ditzy looked just as baffled.

“You can clean this mess after the experiment.”

Ditzy blinked. “But we just did one yesterday. I, uh, think it was yesterday anyway.” She didn’t have a clue just how long she and the Doctor has been under whatever knocked them out.

“Now you are doing another one.” Dinky growled. “I think I have been far too lenient on you two. I think things are going to change from now on.”

That did not sound good. The Doctor realized maybe he should have taken Dinky more seriously. Even an incompetent foe can become dangerous if certain buttons are pushed.

““Today’s experiment is the fourth chapter of Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk. Enjoy.”

The experiment alarm went off and seemed a lot louder than normal. The Doctor tried saying something, but it was drowned out by the alarm. The two went into the theater to stop the alarm from destroying their eardrums.

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Okay, some weatherpony in Cloudsdale’s getting sent to the moon. It’s snowing again in Edmonton.

‘

Doctor: (Shire Folk) It’s April! Snow should be long gone by March!

(Shire Folk holds up a wooden sign with the word ‘Disclaimer’ painted in black letters on it. Vicious wood-eating moth-bears descend upon the sign and devour it.)

Ditzy: Moth-bear? Is that some sort of animal from Avatar: The Last Airbender?

-G-M-

Chapter 4: Murphy’s Law

Doctor: Just when you say that fic couldn’t possibly get any worse, it does.

Pinkie Pie’s party was in full swing in the ballroom of Canterlot Castle. Riku had to admit that he had been impressed when he’d first laid eyes on all the decorations that were hung on every surface within the pillared room.

Doctor: Riku wondered how she decorated such a large room with banners, balloons,and streamers in a few hours and had a table that was catered with cake, punch, cupcakes, and other treats.

Crystal bowls of punch sat on a table right next to an array of delicious desserts, and a gramophone (a gramophone!) was playing music.

Doctor: Much to his surprise, it was playing dubstep.

Pinkie had done a lot of work in a very short amount of time to get everything ready.

He had been impressed by all the confetti, streamers, and balloons that were decorating the ballroom, since it had only been an hour and a half since the party pony had left their group before they’d departed the dungeons.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Meh, not even close to my personal best. I must be tired today.

Riku’s attitude, however, changed to terror when Rarity told him about Pinkie Pie’s party cannon.

Ditzy: (Riku) They let her near gunpowder!?

The thought of a cannon that could almost instantly decorate a room into a kid’s birthday party

Ditzy: What do goats have to do with anything?

Doctor: I think I prefer one of Pinkie’s parties over one of your ‘college’ parties Riku.

pad was both awe-inspiring and horrifying. If she could come up with something like that when she put her mind to it, what else could the earth pony do?

Ditzy: How about Pinkie’s cupcake launcher?

Doctor: Bend time and space to her will and go into other universes?

Regardless, Riku relegated himself to official wallflower,

Doctor: Riku took formal classes and had to pass several harrowing tests for this prestigious position.

standing on his hind legs and leaning against the back of a pillar while crossing his forehooves in front of his body, and watched the proceedings going on.

Doctor: He cringed at Sora’s attempts at dancing the robot as a pony.

He really hated being a pony right now; it ruined his pose.

Ditzy: Riku was starting to have a mental breakdown. The thought of being uncool for even a second was too much for him.

Sora was having a conversation with Rainbow Dash, and from what Riku was able to overhear he was telling her more about his adventures in greater detail.

Ditzy: (Sora) And then Tinkerbell showered me with Pixiedust and I gained the ability to fly!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Wow, that’s really lame.

Kairi and Rei had both really gotten into the swing of things and Kairi was playing ‘pin the tail on the pony’ with Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack; while Rei was having a ball playing with Spike and his pet phoenix hatchling, Peewee.

Ditzy: Come to think of it, where has he been last few chapters?

Twilight Sparkle, unsurprisingly, was solemnly standing only a short distance away from Riku. She had appeared to half-heartedly take part in the celebrations for a while, but for the past ten minutes she had been as anti-social as he the entire party.

And Riku had a shrewd suspicion as to why.

Ditzy: (Riku) She thinks this party is as stupid as I do.

Dropping onto all four hooves, he casually strolled over to the lavender unicorn. “Something on your mind?” he asked. Twilight glanced up at him in surprise for a moment before nodding her head.

Doctor: (Twilight) Normally I’m a real party animal. You should see my sweet dance moves.

“Yes, actually,” she answered. “This is all just so much to absorb.

Doctor: (Twilight) All that exposition last chapter was too much to take in.

I’m somepony who’s supposed to uphold the flow of all magic in existence? Not only that, I’m also supposed to be a bearer of a magical weapon that can open up any lock and unlock the power dwelling in my heart? Do you realize how crazy all this sounds?” Riku chuckled slightly.

Ditzy: (Riku) Lightweight. This is nothing compared to half of the things we have faced.

“Yeah, I do,” he answered amiably. “Welcome to the madness.” Twilight put her knee close to her mouth, trying to cover up her giggle.

Ditzy: (Riku) Here is your complementary beanie cap with propellor.

“Well, when Pinkie Pie’s one of your friends, you get used to a bit of madness after a while,” she said.

Riku nodded. “I noticed. She really has a party cannon?”

Doctor: (Twilight) You should see the Party Bazooka she’s working on.

Twilight glanced at the object. “Yep, it’s real. She also has this thing that she calls her ‘Pinkie Sense’. Whenever her body spasms uncontrollably in a certain way, it means that something’s about to happen.

Doctor: What an awkward and sudden change in subject.

When her tail twitches, it means that something’s going to fall; if her ears flop, eyes flutter, and then knees twitch, it means to beware of opening doors;

Ditzy: Um, is she going to explain every one of Pinkie’s signals?

whereas an ear flop, knee twitch, eye flutter means we’re about to have a beautiful rainbow in the sky.”

Doctor: I might have to ask that about her later.

Ditzy: How about right knee twitch, ears flop, shiver down spine, and tail twitch?

Doctor: And what does that mean?

Ditzy: Raining cats and dogs. Literally.

“Uh-huh.” He hoped his skepticism was beyond heavily laced.

Doctor: I think Riku is going to end a gibbering mess after spending a day with Pinkie.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Twilight agreed, “but it’s true. There’s no logical way of understanding it, and I’ve tested and experimented on her but, whatever it is, she’s got it.”

Doctor: (Groans) Tell me about it.

She pawed at the ground with a hoof and looked at her friends partying. “Riku, this Guardian thing means that I’ll have to leave Equestria when you’ve taken care of the Heartless, doesn’t it?”

He sighed a little. No sense in sugar-coating it. “Yes.”

Ditzy: Wait...what about the changeling invasion!? It might have succeeded if it wasn't for her!

Doctor: Or Sombra?

“Will I ever be coming back?”

“Most likely,” he replied. “It might take a while, but I’m sure you’ll be able to if you want to.”

Doctor: Let’s just hope you don’t come home to a changeling controlled wasteland.

Twilight nodded her head, and then turned to face Riku directly. He turned his head slightly in response, his aqua eyes meeting her violet ones. “I understand that Rei had a dream that told all of you to go around gathering the Guardians of Magic,

Doctor: Something I’m sure can’t possibly go wrong.

but what I don’t know is why it appears to be so important. Why do you guys need me and Trixie?

Ditzy: (Twilight) With your three pony party limit we’ll just be sidelined most of the trip.

We’ve been living completely unaware of our importance to all of magic, and the ignorance hasn’t bothered us before.”

Doctor: (Twilight) I love knowing that my death could cause serious repercussions to all of creation!

Riku answered carefully, his voice dropping into a lower register. “We’re not the only ones who are looking.”

Ditzy: (Growls) Xehanort.

Doctor: Why do keep assuming he’s even a player in this story? So far, it hasn’t even been hinted he’s involved.

Ditzy: Doctor, this is Kingdom Hearts. He’s behind everything. Everything!

Twilight took a step back, the severity of his voice scaring her. “Wha—what do you mean?”

“I mean that there’s someone else who’s also looking for the Keepers of the Art.” Twilight’s eyes went back and forth as her mind apparently figured out what he meant by that.

Ditzy: (Twilight) What if somepony wants to use us to find ancient artifacts of untold power like the Horserer’s Stone or the Crenshiniponi?!

Doctor: (Riku) The Horserer’s Stone? Really?

“I—I see,” she answered. “So, either we go into danger, or we stay here and endanger ourselves and all of Equestria?” He could see the way that the lavender unicorn was shuddering at the thought.

Ditzy: In actually, it was just a cold breeze from a nearby open window.

Riku gave her a small smile and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he told her kindly. “You go into danger in good company.”

Doctor: (RIku) So far we have only lost eight party members.

“I’m not entirely sure of that yet,” she answered, though he noticed that she did not take his hoof off her shoulder.

Doctor: (Twilight) Why Riku, I thought you said you weren’t looking for a marefriend?

“Uh, hey, do you think you could come with me for a bit? There are a few ponies in Canterlot I want to talk with about this, and it might be helpful if one of you were there with me to answer any questions I can’t.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Perfect! The plan is going smoothly. Now all I have to do is invite him to have coffee with me!

Riku removed his hoof from her shoulder and nodded his head. “Of course.” He glanced over at the rest of the ponies. “I don’t think they’ll really miss us much if we sneak out.” Twilight shook her head, and the two unicorns quietly made their way out of the ballroom.

Doctor: (Pinkie) BYE RIKU! BYE TWILIGHT! HOPE YOU HAD A SUPER FUN TIME AT THE PARTY!

Two Unicorn Royal Guards stood outside of the room, and only watched silently as the pair made their way past them.

Ditzy: (Guard) It looks like somepony is getting some action tonight.

“By the way,” Riku asked, “what was with all those cracks on the pillars in there? I thought that the ballroom of this castle would be totally pristine?”

All: (Coughs) Um…

Doctor: No clue.

Ditzy: Yeah, it’s really strange. Not sure how that could have happened.

To his surprise, Twilight laughed. “That was all the doing of my friends back there,” she explained.

Ditzy: Oh yeah. That’s right, that did happen.

Doctor: The ballroom got destroyed a second time?

The Grand Galloping Gala turned out to not be what we expected at all.”

Ditzy: No kidding. It’s full of stuck up snobs!

Doctor: It kinda didn’t help that your idea of fancy dress is a ‘kiss the cook’ t-shirt and a skirt.

Ditzy: Hey, I don’t usually wears clothes ok!

“Gala, huh?” Riku asked, turning his head to look back at the closed doors to the ballroom. “Do I even want to know?”

Doctor: (Twilight) Probably not. I still have nightmares.

“Probably not,” Twilight admitted. “It was both the worst, and best night ever.”

“Aw, how bad could it really be?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Let me put this way. It’s known as the ‘Canterlot Gaia Tragedy’ for a reason.

She looked at him. Riku wasn’t entirely sure what the look in her eyes was trying to convey, but he felt like there was a mix between amusement and cynicism. “Fluttershy raged to the animals in the gardens,

All: (Jaw drops)

Ditzy: Fluttershy did that!?

Doctor: What in the world…

Rainbow Dash accidentally destroyed all those pillars and a stylized statue of Princess Celestia while trying to impress the Wonderbolts,

Doctor: No surprises here.

Pinkie Pie annoyed the hay out of most of the other guests trying to get them to party because she doesn’t know what a high society party is like,

Doctor: (Smirking) I will be sure to invite her the next time I go to a fancy party.

Applejack was insulted by Prince Blueblood after he’d eaten one of her pastries because it was ‘common carnival food’ and the apple cake she then made got splattered all over a pony, and Rarity was the pony that got the cake splattered on because Prince Blueblood is a total horse and no Prince Charming.”

Ditzy: Strange, when I met him he was the complete opposite!

Doctor: I’m guessing he acted like that because he thought she was a gold digger.

Ditzy: I wonder how he got that idea.

Riku couldn’t help but laugh. “So what about you? What happened to the intrepid Twilight Sparkle that made the night so awful?”

Doctor: (Twilight) I wasted time that was better spent studying!

She smiled. “I stayed next to Princess Celestia the whole night, and we were both stuck greeting guests the entire time with no time to talk to each other.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Ugh. It felt like I shook the hoof of half of the ponies in Canterlot!

“Wow, that sucks,” Riku noted.

“That is, until we were able to escape to the scene of the chaos, flee the Gala,

Doctor: Leaving screaming, fires, bodies, and anarchy far behind them.

and meet up at Donut Joe’s with Spike for donuts. Talking to everypony else about how awful our nights were really helped. Then Princess Celestia came to join us and told us that, in her opinion, the Grand Galloping Gala is always awful.

All: No arguments here.

She said she was glad that we would be attending because she had hoped we could liven things up a bit.”

Ditzy: I doubt Octy found it so amusing when it almost destroyed her career.

Riku glanced around with a smirk on his face, searching for the princess. He didn’t dare say it out loud in front of the alicorn’s faithful student, but he definitely came to the conclusion that Celestia was a troll or at the very least a lively prankster.

Doctor: She certainly can be quite the prankster. She did win the Second and Third Prank War after all.

“Well, going by your description, ‘liven things up a bit’ is quite the understatement. You six were sponsored party crashers.” Twilight giggled.

“You know what, I think we were.”

“A ballroom blitz,” Riku added.

“I’m not really sure what you mean by that, but I guess so.”

Riku snorted and rolled his eyes. “It’s a song by a group called Sweet. You’ll probably end up hearing it at some point while you’re with us.”

Doctor: (Riku) We prefer listening to classic music over that modern crap.

“I see,” she answered. Riku contemplated countering for a moment with the correction of ‘you’ll hear’, but decided against it.

Doctor: Wow, talk about out of character.

Ditzy: No kidding. Make a mistake and you never hear the end of it.

The pair exited the castle’s interior and came into a courtyard with a path that would lead away from the castle and into Canterlot proper. Riku blinked a couple of times as his eyes adjusted to the mid-afternoon sun reflecting off of the many white spires and buildings of the city below the castle.

Doctor: It’s only a model.

“Where are we going anyway?” he asked.

Doctor: (Twilight) I was thinking could go on a tour of Canterlot! I can’t wait to tell you about Canterlot and its rich history! I already prepared a checklist!

Twilight blushed a little and looked away from him. “Just…my parents’ house…”

Ditzy: (Twilight) I know its too soon, but...

-G-M-

“I knew it.”

Sora turned away from his conversation with Rainbow Dash (after having just finished instructing her on the finer points of pirate accents) to find the owner of the nearby voice. An older pony was standing nearby, and looking at him with a somewhat smug mug.

Ditzy: (Old pony) Keyblade Smeeblade! I could take you youngster with one leg behind my back!

His coat and horn were mauve, his mane white and gold, and sparklingly intelligent eyes were observing Sora from over a bushy white beard. Sora almost took a step back. Ponies could have beards?

This world had achieved a new level of awesome to infuse its cuteness smoothie with.

Doctor: Sora sudden felt the compulsion to buy several pony playsets when he gets home.

“Knew what?” he asked.

“Uh, mind filling us in on who you are old timer?” Rainbow Dash asked. “We were kinda in the middle of a conversation here.”

Doctor: (Rainbow Dash in a stuck up voice) Good sir. We were were having a conversation about the finer point of pirate accents and would mind it if we were not interrupted.

“Hm…” the old unicorn replied, peering at Sora’s side. It took the Keyblade Master a second to realize that he was looking at his (blech) cutie mark.

Ditzy: (Sora) That’s it! From now on I’m calling it a Macho Mark!

“So,” he began again with surprising energy, “how is that young rascal Yen Sid doing? Still getting into loads of mischief? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Does he still do the plastic wrap on the toilet gag?

Sora felt his jaw drop rather than do it consciously. How in the…? Roxas spluttered inside his mind. This guy knows Master Yen Sid! HOW DOES HE—?

Doctor: This was one of the reasons Sora wanted to kick Roxas out of his head. The near constant headaches Roxas caused because he can’t shut his stupid mouth.

“B-buh…wha?” Sora questioned incoherently. His ears had to be malfunctioning,

Ditzy: (Sora) Darn it! And the warranty just expired last week!

Doctor: (Sora) Why am I suddenly hearing everything in Latin?

or he was having a heart attack;

Ditzy: Kira strikes again!

he wasn’t sure which just yet.

Doctor: (Sora) My daily trips to Wacky Hut have finally gotten to me!

He thought he’d just heard this unicorn call Master Yen Sid a young rascal. Sora shook his head and punched his jaw back into its proper place with a hoof. “I’m sorry. There must be wax in my ears,

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Nope! Just cake frosting! Mmmm...Yummy!

because I thought I heard you say that you know Master Yen Sid.”

The unicorn smiled mischievously at him. “Of course I know him. He apprenticed under me.”

Ditzy: (Sora) Do you have any embarrassing photos I could show to everyone?

Doctor: (Coltinster) There was this time when through a goth phase.

And now our jaws have been dislocated.

Doctor: (Sora) The pain! Just kill me now please!

“K-K-K-KAIRI!”

Doctor: (Sora) Please hold me!

The pink pegasus jumped ten feet in the air at the abruptness of Sora’s shout and the Oathkeeper appeared in her mouth reflexively. “What ish it, Shora?” she asked when back on the floor again.

Ditzy: (Kairi) Let me at them! Let me at them! I will paint the walls with their blood!

Sora whirled around to face her, and pointed a hoof at the elder unicorn. “This pony taught Master Yen Sid!” The Oathkeeper disappeared from Kairi’s mouth and she yelped in surprise. A short gallop later, she was right beside Sora and staring at the unicorn in awe.

All: We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

“Who are you?” she asked.

“Coltinster, Headmaster of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” he answered. Coltinster bowed in front of them, startling both pegasi for a moment. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Wielders of the Keyblade. I must say, I haven’t seen one of your kind since the fall of Myth Drannor.”

Ditzy: Er...what?

Doctor: I believe he is talking about the capital of Rygunous IV.

“Say what?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You know about the Keyblade thingy these guys have?”

“Of course,” Coltinster answered. “If you think I haven’t seen many things in my fifty winters, then you’re even younger than that filly over there.”

Doctor: (Coltinster) I have seen things that would make even an experienced adventurer like this youngster here weep in a corner for days.

Sora and Kairi glanced at one another. Sora frowned. “Did you say, ‘fifty winters’? Master Yen Sid really looks a lot older than that.”

Doctor: Ah, about that… Yen Sid wrecked his body pretty bad with drugs and alcohol when he was younger. He’s actually in his thirties.

“Hm…really? I thought he would only be around thirty by now.”

Sora, Kairi, and Rainbow Dash all glanced at one another. “Are you sure you’re fifty?” the blue pegasus of the trio asked.

Ditzy: He’s just like the Doctor, he never gives a straight answer about his age.

Doctor: I do not.

“Give or take a few years,” Coltinster answered,

Doctor: When you get this old, it’’s hard to keep an accurate passage of time.

“but enough about me. If you’d like to know more, just mention ‘Shadowdale’ to Yen Sid.

Ditzy: Is this a reference to something?

Doctor: (Shrugs) Beats me.

Now, what are your names?” he asked, looking specifically at Sora and Kairi as he said it.

Doctor: Here we go, they are going to insist on telling him their life story!

“I’m Sora, this is Kairi, and the filly over there is my little sister, Rei.”

“I take it that you were all human before you arrived here,” Coltinster remarked. Sora noted that the way he said it made it much more a statement than a question. When he cocked his head to the side inquiringly, Coltinster continued. “If you had been something different, it’s likely that Equestria itself might have allowed you to keep your form.

Ditzy: Is that how that works?

Doctor: I’m still confused why Donald and Goofy never change when they enter a world full of humans.

No matter, no matter, so you’re pegasi now, hmm? How does it feel to be unable to use magic?”

Kairi’s eyes widened. “We can’t use magic?”

Ditzy: (KairI) Great, now I am going to lose a fortune on healing potions!

“Of course not! Only unicorns and alicorns can actually use magic in Equestria.

Ditzy: Duh, that’s what the horns are for. Not using it as a pointy weapon.

The magic of pegasi and earth ponies are simply inherent abilities, such as the ability of pegasi to move clouds and create weather effects, or an earth pony’s connection to the earth that helps crops grow faster and ripen quicker.”

Doctor: (Sighs) Didn’t we establish this last chapter?

“We can’t use magic!?” Kairi repeated. Sora could practically feel her panic setting in as she raised a hoof in front of her face.

Ditzy: (Kairi) I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden .I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden. I’m not a burden .I’m not a burden.

“Fire!”

Doctor: Can’t you wait until you’re outdoors before doing this?

No fireball began to crackle merrily above her hoof.

“Blizzard!”

Still nothing.

“Thunder! Water! Aero! Sing now the hymn of the phoenix, the eternal fires of heaven and—OW! Sora! What was that for?”

Doctor: (Sora) If that spell succeeded it would have destroyed half of the ballroom and us with it!

Sora snorted impatiently and lowered his hoof after whacking his girlfriend on the back of the head with it. “Kairi, if not even our simplest spells are working, what makes you think that Skyfyre would work?

Doctor: (Kairi) I was channeling the power of ancient demons from the depths of hell itself to fuel the spell!

Kairi continued rubbing the back of her head and pouted. “I’m sorry, but I was panicking. You know how much I use both magic and the Keyblade when fighting.”

Ditzy: (Sora) Thank goodness. Maybe I can avoid having my hair lit on fire for once.

Sora sighed. “Well, at least we know this now and didn’t discover it in a fight.” The words had hardly left his mouth before he started wanting to kick himself. He could feel Roxas mentally doing the same.

Could you be anydumber?

Doctor: (Sora) Why didn’t we ask about this sooner!?

“Open mouth, insert foot. Open mouth, insert foot. Open mouth, insert foot,” he grumbled to himself. A few seconds passed and Sora looked up and around. Heartless had yet to appear. All was still well. “Woo-hoo! And Murphy’s Law has been disproven.”

Doctor: I demand a larger sample size!

And… Roxas drawled in anticipation, wait for it…Heartless! Sora glanced around. There was still no sign of the denizens of darkness. Huh, I guess you really did disprove Murphy’s Law.

Doctor: (Sora) Wait until the Destiny Island’s scientific community hears about this! It’s the find of the century!

“Sora-nii-chan?”

He looked down at Rei as she trotted towards him. “What is it Rei?”

“Um, well, do you think I could go visit Trixie?” she asked.

Doctor: It’s in Trixie’s contract to be in every single chapter from now on.

“I think she might be a little lonely, being all by herself in the hospital part of the castle while the rest of us are here.” Sora smiled at her and rubbed her blonde mane with a hoof.

Doctor: I suppose you could at least give her a piece of cake.

Rei shied away slightly at the gesture, but laughed through it all the same.

“Go ahead,” he agreed. “I think she might like that.”

Ditzy: Doubt it. I got the feeling she really hates foals.

Rei beamed. “Thank you onii-chan!” Rainbow Dash snorted as the filly galloped off.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Is this really such a good idea? She’ll get fleas too! Grrr...Stupid fleas!

“Obviously you don’t know The Great and Powerful Trixie,” she disagreed. “I doubt she’d really be happy to see a little filly right now.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) And it really creeps me out how she keeps gibbering to herself.

“You don’t know that Rainbow Dash,” Kairi told the other pegasus. “Besides, wasn’t she a performer? Wouldn’t she like having the attention of a kid?”

Ditzy: Doctor?

Doctor: Yes.

Ditzy: Does ‘kid’ mean foal in human?

Doctor: It does.

Ditzy: Oh, that makes sense.

Applejack came over to their group. “Ah don’t know Kairi,” she said. “Trixie wasn’t too fond of Snips and Snails being her adoring fans.”

Ditzy: It didn’t stop her from using and abusing them as much as she wanted.

Coltinster began stroking his beard with a hoof. “Pardon my asking,” he broke in again, “but what brings Keyblade Wielders to Equestria?”

“We’re gathering the Guardians of Magic,” Sora answered simply,

Ditzy: Uh, no. That isn’t the reason at all.

“but you might know them as the Keepers of the Art.” Coltinster’s eyes widened. The pony’s face suddenly dropped into a serious expression.

Doctor: (Coltinster) Are you complete mad?

“For what reason?” His voice was flat, but his eyes burned. He advanced slowly when Sora and Kairi did not immediately answer, and his voice rose just as slowly as his steps; the tone grew out of deadpan towards borderline malice. “I hope it isn’t for using them in order to locate or summon powerful artefacts of magic from days long past that are better left forgotten,

Doctor: You’d be surprised how many ancient doomsday weapons are lying around if you know where to look.

or to clear out the sacred halls of those long dead to plunder their secrets, or wage war on the heavens and gods themselves, because if it is, I’ll have to take measures to ensure the safety of my former student.”

Ditzy: (Coltinster) To think one of Yen Sid’s students would go evil!

Not once had he shouted, but Sora was almost quivering beneath those smouldering eyes as if the old pony had been bellowing loudly enough to put him into a coma.

Ditzy: Hey, I have seen the look from you before Doctor.

Doctor: Sometimes you need to put these young fools in their place.

C’mon Sora, he pep-talked to himself, pull it together! You’ve fought Xemnas, two Titans, Cerberus, crossed blades with Sephiroth, and fought the God of the Dead. He’s just a unicorn! Man up!

Doctor: You are an idiot.

Ditzy: Sora, have you ever heard of the ‘Old Master’ trope?

Doctor: Rule #1:Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men.

Suddenly he saw Coltinster as an opponent,

Ditzy: He is soooo entering a world of hurt soon.

and he dropped his face into the serious expression he unconsciously always took on whenever Heartless reared their heads. “No,” he declared. “We’re gathering them so that someone else can’t.”

Doctor: Yes, and making it easy for them to fall into the wrong hands, you dolt!

“And perhaps threaten the whole universe by having them all at your fingertips?” Coltinster pressed.

Doctor: (Sora) I'm the God! I AM THE GOD! Bwahahaha!

“Lay off Sora!” Kairi snapped.

Ditzy: (Kairi) Sure he never plans anything, has the IQ of a rock, is completely gullible, and is really easily to manipulate, but he’s doing his best!

“We’re getting them to prevent our enemies from doing the same; guys who are using the Heartless to get what they want. There, you happy now?”

Doctor: Sure, what could possiblego wrong with this plan?

“Heartless?” Coltinster asked. “You mean the Shadows?”

Ditzy: He’s heard of the Keyblade, but not the Heartless?

Doctor: (Shrugs) It happens.

A familiar dreadful sound entered Sora’s ears

Doctor: Kairi’s nagging.

and he turned around. He flattened his ears and glared at the whorls of darkness that were now appearing in the room.

Ditzy: Whorls?

Doctor: He means spirals. It seems someone has been playing around with a thesaurus.

Pinkie Pie and Spike both screamed as a Soldier appeared out of one of them, clacking in its iron-shod boots and helmet.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Ah! So that’s what eye twitch, then ear flop means!

More Soldiers popped out of the others, and two of the Heartless were a kind he hadn’t seen before.

Ditzy: Oh, pony heartless!

They were about twice the size of the ponies, and mostly coloured black as the mantle of the night sky. Their transparent bodies had the pinpricks of shining red stars within them, and they had the bodies of bears with unicorn horns. Dark purple spines pierced their backsides from the base of the neck to their stubby tails. Eyes of malevolent yellow shone from their heads, and the Heartless emblem was emblazoned just beneath the horn. One Draco Ursa hissed at Sora, revealing a forked tongue between rows of sharp canines.

Ditzy: Or something like that…

Doctor: Certainly a fierce sounding creature.

“We mean these guys,” Sora said.

Ditzy: Finally something is happening!

-G-M-

Ditzy: Oh come on!

Doctor: It’s hard to be surprised at this point.

Shorter chapter,

Dinky: Which is why you are doing another chapter.

Doctor: What?!

Ditzy: Why? You never did that before!

Dinky: You had it coming for trying to escape!

All: Ponyfeathers!

and we get a bit of a cliffhanger here, don’t we? Well, at least things are heating up in Equestria.

Ditzy: At...least we aren’t ending on a cliffhanger?

Doctor: That is not much of a consolation.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

To be continued...

Episode 5 - Part 2 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 5

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 5 - Part 2

Season 2 finale…epic beyond words. I don’t think I needed to tell you all that, but it had to be said.

Doctor: Season 2 of what?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

Also, The Avengers comes out this week! Boo-yah!

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) Boo-yah?

Ditzy: He should be that excited, that’s a great movie!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, ‘Love is in Bloom’ and ‘B.B.B.F.F.’ would never have been born, so it’s a good thing I don’t.

Ditzy: But that the was the best dance party I have ever been too!

Doctor: What would Shire Folk know?

Awesome I may be in the eyes of some, but I’m definitely not thatawesome.

Ditzy: (Shire Folk) I don’t care if people like it. My show, my rules!

-G-M-

Guardians of Magic

Chapter 5: Chaos in Canterlot

Twilight raised a hoof and knocked on the front door of a house in one of Canterlot’s lesser districts, although that was a relative term.

Doctor: They onlyhad rubystudded swimming pools.

In the Royal City, even if your family wasn’t from upstanding nobility with great lineage, very few families had homes of the humbler sort that even the wealthy in Ponyville enjoyed.

Ditzy: So Trixie will really stand out in that cardboard house of hers.

She could hear Riku shuffling around behind her, and Twilight felt a bit anxious herself. She hadn’t seen her parents Twilight Velvet and Cobalt Bracer in three months.

Ditzy: I thought Twilight’s Father’s name wasNight Light?

Doctor: Maybe they split up in this universe?

Twilight always tried to visit whenever she had to go to Canterlot, but circumstances sometimes kept her from fulfilling that wish.

Doctor: For some reason it kept getting invaded by one thing or another.

Now she wasn’t sure if this would be the last time she’d ever see them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I just know I am going to die all alone on another world.

“Let’s hurry and get inside,” Riku muttered from behind her, “all these other ponies are starting to freak me out.”

Doctor: (Riku) Everyone is ...smiling...and waving at me. How can you live like this!? All this cheer is ruining my brooding and coolness!

Twilight couldn’t entirely say that she disagreed. While she supposed she could understand what Riku was going through, a little, she had certainly felt uncomfortable with all of the looks she and Riku had been receiving as they walked down the street together.

Doctor: For some reason, Riku insisted on walking like a biped.

Rarity had certainly been right and Twilight had the sense not to try and deny it: Riku was a gorgeous stallion;

Ditzy: And he had a great flank!

fit and strong, a shining silver mane and lustrous turquoise coat underneath bright aquamarine eyes. It was no wonder that several young mares had shot her jealous looks

Ditzy: And quite a few stallions as well.

and whispered dark words under their breaths when they’d incorrectly judged her to have snagged a fine catch.

Ditzy: Twilight soon found herself getting death threats in the mail, and one was from Celestia….

She almost facehoofed. Dating? Her? Not for a while yet, that was for sure.

Doctor: Twilight thought 30 seemed like an appropriate age to start dating...after years of careful research of course.

Her studies and her friends had to come first, and she knew that she didn’t have room in her schedule for a coltfriend to be pencilled in.

Doctor: And she considered them a too unpredictable factor to properly fit it.

The door opened and revealed a female unicorn at the door. Her coat was white and her mane purple and cream, three lilac stars were her cutie mark. Cyan eyes glittered excitedly as she saw who was at the door, and the unicorn mare hugged the slightly smaller mare. “Oh Sparkle, it’s wonderful to see you.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That is Velvet’s nickname for her daughter?

“Great to see you too, Mom,” Twilight Sparkle replied. They stepped back from each other and Twilight Velvet glanced at Riku for a second before returning her gaze to her daughter.

Ditzy: (Twilight Velvet) Twilight got her first coltfriend! I will get some champagne to celebrate!

“Well, why don’t you and your friend here come in? Your brother’s here too, so we’ll have the whole family here.”

Twilight felt her eyes widen at the news. “Shining Armor’s here?” A pleasant feeling of surprise filled her and she entered the house.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) You’re brother is here? That’s super duper awesome!

Doctor: (Twilight) Waa!!!! Pinkie?!

Twilight Velvet stepped back a couple of paces and Riku followed her in.

“Twilie!”

Doctor: Riku went into fits of laughter over that nickname.

Twilight gasped at the sound of her brother’s voice and smiled. On the second floor landing she could see her older brother starting to come down towards her. Behind him was their father Cobalt Bracer, a cobalt blue unicorn with a navy mane and golden eyes. On his flank was a golden crescent moon and star. Shining Armor, though, was as white as his mother,

Doctor: No, Velvet isn’t nearly as white as her son.

with a mane mainly of the blue of his father’s with an electric blue highlight, and eyes just like his mother’s. His cutie mark was of a magenta star like Twilight’s, except overtop a blue shield. Three cyan stars were plastered above the shield.

Doctor: He also dwarfed Riku in size and muscle.

“I’m so glad to see you, Twilight,” Shining Armor. “It’s great that you could make it, especially considering what’s been going on recently. Aren’t you excited?”

Twilight looked at her brother in confusion. “Excited for what?”

Now Shining Armor cocked his head in bewilderment. “Didn’t you get my letter?”

Doctor: (Shining) I must have forgot the postage again.

“I did,” she answered, “but I never got to read it. My friend Rainbow Dash kept interrupting me and things kinda spiralled out of hoof after that.”

Doctor: (Twilight) The things I did to survive that living Tartarus...

Her mother, father, and brother all laughed. “What is it?”

“Oh Twilight, I’m so proud of you,” Shining Armor said, coming up and patting his sister on the head. “You said, ‘my friend’.” Twilight blushed a little and bowed her head. She was conscious that Riku was still behind them and paying attention to every word.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Ixnay on the friendsay.

“Shining Armor…”

Doctor: (Shining) I know! We should show some baby pictures to your new friend here!

“What do you mean by that?” Riku asked, stepping forward slightly. Shining Armor laughed.

Doctor: (Shining) My little sis is what you would call a mega nerd.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This is coming from the pony that goes to a weekly LARP group.

“Not only is my little sister here a smarty-pants egghead apprenticed to Princess Celestia, but before she went to Ponyville she never had any friends besides me,” he told Riku.

Doctor: (Spike) Hey!

“And now she’s got a whole bunch of friends from what we hear; and a secret coltfriend by the looks of it.”

Ditzy: (Velvet) So when’s the wedding?

Twilight was sure her face had gone as pink as Pinkie’s mane at the implication. It was bad enough that her brother was embarrassing her by telling Riku that she’d never had friends before, but to imply that she was dating him? When she’d only just met him this morning and he wasn’t even a pony for pony’s sake!? Ponies on the street she could handle even if it was a little embarrassing, but her own family too?

Ditzy: Ouch.

Doctor: Siblings… I know the feeling.

Ditzy: You have siblings?!

Before she could even answer to contradict him, Riku laughed. “Unfortunately for your imagination, no. Twilight Sparkle and I just met today. While she is important to me and my friends, she’s not my girl—marefriend and I’m not looking for one.”

Ditzy: (Shining) There’s no need to be so bashful. I think you are a fine stallion for my baby sister!

Doctor: (Riku) No really. We aren’t dating!

Ditzy: (Shining)(Laughing) Of course you’re not. There is no need to be so bashful!

Doctor: (Riku) Really! We’re not!

“Dang,” Shining Armor replied. “And here I was, hoping that she’d have a date for my wedding.”

Twilight felt something in her snap. “Wait, what? What wedding!?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) And are you implying I can’t get a coltfriend?! I could get a hundred of them if I wanted to. I just choose not to.

Cobalt Bracer smiled, humoured, at his second and youngest child. “Your brother’s getting married, Sparkle, didn’t you know?”

“NO!” she retorted. “And when did you decide this?”

Doctor: (Twilight) Since when are you allowed to make your own decisions and deviate from the schedule I made for you!

“Just two days ago,” her brother answered. “I wanted to let you all know as soon as possible. That’s what was in the letter I sent to you, Twilight. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and I are getting married.”

Ditzy: Wait, why didn’t Shining send her one in real life? She only learned about the wedding a few days before it started!

Doctor: Didn’t you lose a few letters that one time we fought that Krynoid in the Whitetail Woods?

Ditzy: O-only two or three, there’s no way! Obviously Shining Armor forgot!

Twilight smiled. “Well then, I suppose congratulations are in order, except for one teensy-weensy thing.”

“And what’s that?” Twilight Velvet asked of her daughter.

Doctor: (Twilight) What pony said Shining could get married without my permission!

“Who the hay is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!? Why haven’t I heard of her before?” Twilight only felt her ire grow when her family started to laugh, and it increased exponentially when Riku chuckled slightly behind her. The jerk.

Ditzy: Suddenly I don’t feel bad about all the jabs we made at him.

Doctor: What a great guy.

He had to be even more in the dark than she was and yet he found this whole thing funny?

Doctor: (Riku) Hey! I was a just laughing because I thought it was polite. Really!

“You should know her better than almost any of us, Sparkle,” Cobalt Bracer told her. “She was your foalsitter after all.”

Ditzy: (Cobalt) You know, the ladybug shaking flank thing you used to do all the time.

Shock coursed into Twilight and she stuttered over her next few words. “M—my foalsitter? N—no, Cadance was my foalsitter, not this Mi Amore Cadenz—”

Cadenza, Cadance… Cadance, Cadenza…

Shining Armor smiled when he saw the huge grin erupt onto his sister’s face. “I think it clicked.”

Doctor: A light bulb appeared over Twilight’s head, and Pinkie was the one holding it.

“You’re marrying Cadance!” she exclaimed, “as in, Cadance, the best foalsitter in the history of foalsitters?”

Doctor: (Twilight) According to my extensive research, she beats the number two contender, Lovely Kiss, by 8.39145 percent!

“You tell us dear,” Twilight Velvet said, “she was your foalsitter after all.”

Twilight couldn’t help but burst as the memories of her fillyhood foalsitter rushed back.

Doctor: (Twilight) She let me go to the library whenever I wanted! Whenever I was up late studying, she always gave me an extra 15 minutes to finish up what I was reading! She always brought blank note cards so we could do flash cards! That was one of my favorite games growing up.

Ditzy: (Riku) ...You are an uber dork.

“Oh my gosh! Woo-hoo! You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance!”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Yes! We were right about your 98.7 percent compatibility! Now all we need is that crystal palace Cadence always wanted.

“Alright, alright, settle down Twilie,” Shining Armor said in what Twilight assumed to be an attempt to get her to stop bouncing up and down in a circle around him. “I don’t think you’ve introduced us to your not-coltfriend here.” Being reminded of Riku’s presence in her family’s home sobered her up quickly.

Doctor: Riku, better than a cold shower.

“Right,” she said, coming down from the cloud she’d briefly visited with her brother’s news. “Everypony, this is Riku. Riku, this is my mom, Twilight Velvet, my dad, Cobalt Bracer, and my brother, Shining Armor.”

All: Hi Riku.

Riku nodded to each in turn, and Cobalt Bracer took a step forward. “So, why don’t you tell us how you know our little Sparkle here?”

Riku smiled. “You really want to know?”

Ditzy: (Riku) I don’t think you could stomach it.

Doctor: No, I don’t think they could. It would be about 30 paragraphs long.

“Of course,” Twilight Velvet answered.

Doctor: (Velvet) Oh course we want to know how Twilight met her new coldfriend.

Ditzy: (Riku) I said. We. Are. Not...

Doctor: (Velvet)(Laughing) Always so serious. I was just joking.

“Yeah, we won’t judge you here,” Shining Armor added.

Ditzy: (Shining) Behind your back though...anything is game.

Twilight laughed nervously and went to stand next to Riku. She leaned up to whisper into his ear. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea. My brother’s a Captain of the Royal Guard.”

Doctor: (Raises an eyebrow) You don’t have to tell them the whole truth.

Ditzy: Oh course he will. It’s Shire Folk’s style.

“Even more reason,” Riku whispered back. “I first saw her when I woke up behind bars in the castle dungeon this morning,” he answered pleasantly. “Princess Celestia thought that we were connected to the…Shadows that had been appearing, and she was right.”

Doctor: (Riku) We have been terrorizing other worlds with them for years!

Twilight glanced between her family members anxiously. Her mother and father looked at each other in shock,

Doctor: (Cobalt) I have no daughter!

Ditzy: (Velvet)(Crying) Where did we go wrong!?

but Shining Armor was suddenly glaring at Riku, a glare that was being met with a confident smirk.

Doctor: Which faltered when Shining Armor threw him out a window.

Her brother’s horn began glowing with magenta light and his voice was even as he said, “Twilight, get behind me, now.”

Ditzy: Ok, I wanted some action, but this is just contrived.

Doctor: I think Riku is in a big surprise. Twilight Velvet could take him single hooved.

Twilight threw her hooves out in front of her as she stood on her hind legs. “No! Wait! You’ve got it wrong, brother! Riku’s one of the good guys!”

Doctor: (Twilight) Even if he is a complete idiot at explaining himself.

Ditzy: Yeah… I don’t get that. Why did he make himself look like a bad guy?

She dropped back down and pointed at Riku’s flank.

Ditzy: Riku blushed in embarrassment.

Doctor: (Colbolt) Has anypony ever told you that you have a great flank? You and I should do something later.

Ditzy: (Riku) ...I’m getting out of here right now.

“See his cutie mark? That’s a Keyblade. It’s a weapon he and his friends carry that can defeat the Heartless,

Doctor: Though technically, any weapon can defeat the Heartless.

and apparently I’m supposed to be one of these mystical wielders too and a pony who somehow keeps all of the magic in existence flowing and balanced.”

Doctor: Out of context, that makes absolutely no sense.

Ditzy: Maybe for once, Shire Folk will explain something off screen!

Shining Armor relented and his horn ceased glowing, but his glare at the younger stallion stayed. “Start explaining.”

All: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!

“Your sister is a Guardian of Magic,” Riku answered plainly, “technically known as a Keeper of the Art. She’s one of six beings that uphold the flow of all magic in existence through their own existence. When together with the other five, they can find and potentially summon any magical item existing and can perform feats of magic few could even dream of.”

Doctor: You certainly are open about sensitive, world destroying information.

Ditzy: Come on Doctor. Like it could ever fall into the wrong hooves or anything.

Doctor: Never.

He looked at Twilight now, and she shied away slightly at his gaze. She could feel everypony’s eyes on her, and it was making her feel like she’d been asked a question she didn’t have the answer to back in Magic Kindergarten. “Also, Twilight, don’t call it a cutie mark. It makes me feel emasculated.”

Doctor: Funny. I never feel that way.

She chuckled dryly, trying to find humor in what he said despite the unwanted attention she was getting. Special was one thing, but this was a bit too special. “What are you talking about, Riku? That’s what it is. No sense calling it something that it’s not.”

Ditzy: It would be like calling a muffin a cupcake.

“You could at least drop the ‘cutie’ part from it and just say ‘marking’ or ‘crest’ or ‘sigil’ or even just call it a ‘tattoo’. Just thinking ‘cutie mark’ and me in the same sentence makes me want to hurl.”

Doctor: Well, too bad you big baby.

Ditzy: I really don’t understand his problem.

“Why’s that?” Twilight Velvet asked.

“Let’s just say that I come from a place where my societal gender stereotype brainwashing tells me that the phrase ‘cutie mark’ belongs solely to little six year old fillies, not grown stallions,”

Ditzy: What a strange place.

Doctor: Come to think of it...it is.

he answered. Twilight saw him smirk again at her older brother. “Shining Armor, I’m not lying. If I really were allied with the Heartless, I wouldn’t have come with Twilight to help her explain to you all that she’s going to have to leave Equestria with my friends and me.”

Ditzy: Unless it’s really a ploy to lure them into a fall sense of security!

Twilight felt her heart wrench at the looks on her family’s faces. “But Riku,” her mother asked, “why? Sparkle, what is he saying?” Riku only looked at Twilight Sparkle. Feeling the pit in her stomach deepen, the lavender unicorn opened her mouth to speak. She could feel the beginnings of tears in her eyes. Her brother was going to get married, and she was probably going to miss the most important day of his life because some villain was hunting her due to a power she’d never even known existed.

Doctor: Do you really have to go right away? It isn’t like this Horned King guy knows where you are right now.

“I—”

A scream from outside cut her off before she could even start.

Doctor: Stampeding rabbits were threatening Canterlot.

Riku’s ears perked up beside her, and he quickly spun around. Through the window Twilight was able to see a grey earth pony run by, screaming. A second later Heartless that appeared to be more of the Shadows that had been attacking Trixie; along with some others that looked like them, only in helmets, boots, and blue bodysuits with a strange heart-shaped emblem on the front, ran past in pursuit.

Doctor: (Heartless) He stole my purse!

“That’s my cue,” Riku growled.

Ditzy: (Riku) To kick bubblegum and chew butt! Wait….

-G-M-

Rainbow Dash felt her jaw drop in what she knew to be a bit of fear when one of the Draco Ursas roared loudly into Sora’s face.

Ditzy: (Sora) How can something made of shadows have such bad breath?

Spike, Pinkie, and Peewee all fled from where the Heartless were gathering in the centre of the room and quickly joined the others near her and Coltinster. “What are those things?” Rainbow Dash asked, pointing a hoof between the smaller Heartless and the massive bear-dragon ones.

“Meet the Heartless,” Sora replied, the chocolate-maned pegasus crouching lower and snorting at the throng that had appeared in the room with them.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Oh hi! Welcome to the party! Want to play pin the tail on the pony?

Doctor: (Heartless) We would love to!

Ditzy: (Sora) What.

“And they don’t seem too happy to see us,” Kairi added, and Rainbow Dash was sure that she almost sounded eager about it despite the panic she’d displayed earlier.

Doctor: The smile on her face really creeped Rainbow Dash out. It was devoid of any happiness or warmth.

Ditzy: (Kairi) Heerreeessss Kairi!

Flashes of light came from the mouths of both pegasi, revealing their Keyblades within. Rainbow could only watch as the pair charged towards the Soldiers and two Draco Ursas, and suddenly they were upon them.

Ditzy: With a big group hug. Awwwww.

With a fast jerk of his neck to the right, Sora sent the Oblivion flying out of his mouth, the onyx Keyblade spinning like a circular saw as it cut through the air to chop right through a Soldier Heartless’ helmeted head.

Doctor: (Heartless) Larry no! You monster!

Kairi attacked from Sora’s left, her angelic white Keyblade transferring into her scarlet tail from her mouth in another flash of light before she spun around on her hooves so her back was turned to the Soldier she’d charged. The Oathkeeper rose and descended in her tail’s grasp, slicing through the Heartless’ front in one swipe.

Doctor: … I don’t think I am going to ask how that’s even possible.

Both Soldiers burst apart into clouds of darkness, and pink crystal hearts rose up into the sky from out of their bodies.

“Ooh,” Pinkie Pie said, looking at the rising hearts.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) This gives me a great party idea!

“Well?” a voice snapped from the side, and Rainbow turned her head to see the bearded old unicorn Coltinster staring at her and her friends. “Aren’t ye going to do anything, or are the Elements of Harmony going to let two ponies they hardly know defend Equestria without the help of those who were born and bred here?”

Doctor: Yeah. Why is she just standing around?

“But we don’t have the Elements here with us,” Rarity said. “Princess Celestia said that arming ourselves with the Elements could wait until after we’d questioned Riku and them.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) And think how dirty I would get if I fought these ruffians.

“And besides, they won’t work if we’re not all here,” Applejack added.

Doctor: Seems a bit overkill for a few enemies.

She glanced around quickly, and Rainbow Dash watched Sora make short work of another two Soldiers with a single slash, the brown pegasus leaping through the air with his Keyblade clutched tightly in his mouth.

Doctor: (Sora)(Muffled) Boova, onathar hartvess bivtes va dast.

“Ah don’t see Twilight anywhere. Did anypony see where she went?”

“Oh, I saw her!” Pinkie announced. “She left with Riku a while ago, but I’m not sure what about.”

Doctor: (Applejack) Wonderful. What a time to go kissy face on the new feller’.

“Then, what are we going to do?” Spike asked.

Fluttershy shook her head. “I don’t know. Without the Elements, how can we—?”

Doctor: (Sora) Ack!

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Sora! Prepare to meet your maker Heartless! I’m going to make you wish you were never born!

The unicorn’s reprimand had lit a fire in Rainbow Dash’s belly, a fire that the fearful presence of the two Heartless that were each twice her size couldn’t smother.

Doctor: THAT was keeping her from acting?

Ditzy: From what I heard, she fought about 100 changeling at once.

Doctor: Are Heartless really that scary? They look rather cute to me.

Sora and Kairi were fighting so well, so strongly,

Ditzy: The fight will be over before Dash is about to do anything.

even if their movements were somewhat awkward from never having fought as ponies before. Rainbow spoke before Spike could finish his sentence. “Easy,” she answered loudly, flapping her wings to take her into the air and clapping her forehooves together, “we do this the hard way. I don’t know everything about this Keybladey stuff, but I am not going to let myself get shown up! Are you guys with me?”

All: YEAH!

“Let’s do it!” Applejack crowed. “Come on y’all, and let’s show these two how ponies wrassle.”

Doctor: Applejack delivers a diving elbow drop from turnbuckle!

Rainbow Dash needed no further encouragement. So long as Applejack was game, she was sure they had this in the bag. Bolting forward, Rainbow Dash tackled one of the Soldiers that had been about to swipe at Kairi’s chest, the pink pegasus having turned her head to watch where her tail-grasped Keyblade was swinging.

Doctor: So much for her being this super talented swordsman.

She snorted right in the Soldier’s face as she pinned it to the ground, its golden eyes watching her unblinkingly.

Ditzy: (Heartless) Ugh. Do you eat nothing but garlic?!

Rainbow smashed her hooves down, and suddenly the weight beneath her vanished as the Soldier became nothing more than a dark cloud. A shudder went through her unbidden at the cold feeling of the dark wisps that made up the Heartless against her skin and coat, but it quickly passed.

“Thanks Rainbow Dash,” Kairi said, “that was pretty good.”

Doctor: (Kairi) Don’t get cocky!

Rainbow Dash perked up a little and rubbed a hoof against the back of her head. “Well, uh, you’re welcome.”

Ditzy: Rainbow is always embarrassed and humble when complimented.

She ducked her head as fire suddenly lanced out from the mouth of one of the Draco Ursas. The smell of burnt hair filled her nostrils and Rainbow Dash gulped as she stared into the leering yellow eyes of the large Heartless. Suddenly her view was blocked as Sora stood in front of her; out of the corner of her eye she could see Applejack striking down a Soldier with a well-placed buck from her two back hooves.

“You deal with the little ones,” Sora told her firmly, “Kairi and I will handle the ugly ones.”

Doctor: (Heartless) Why are you so mean!? (Cries) Even if we are enemies, you don’t need to talk about me that way!

“Ye seem to be doing a poor job of it,” Coltinster commented dryly from behind.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Right now you are ranking a ‘D’.

“For Keyblade Wielders, your skills are far behind those I’ve met many years ago.”

Doctor: (Sora) BITE ME!

“Forgive us,” Kairi snapped, jumping away from a massive claw that one of the two Draco Ursas was swiping at her, “but we haven’t gotten the whole, fighting as ponies with swords thing down yet!”

Doctor: Yet you are able to use your tail quite effectively as a way to wield your keyblade?

Rainbow Dash heard the old pony grumble something about excuses and the young,

Doctor: (Coltinster) You foals and your loud music and hula hoops!

but concentrated instead on the Soldier clacking about in front of her. Its red-coloured claw darted towards her snout. Rainbow ascended on her strong wings, dodging the swipe, and kicked the earthbound Heartless on the head. It staggered backwards, shaking its head while appearing to be in a daze, and was then blasted halfway across the room to smash into a pillar, a trail of confetti and streamers behind it. Pinkie Pie stood just shy of where it had been, her party cannon held in front of her.

“I guess these Heartless just don’t know how to party,” she told Rainbow Dash with a warm smile. Her face contorted in pain and Pinkie jumped up, yelping, “OW!” after a Soldier’s iron-shod foot connected with her flank.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Now you’re asking for it! Time for the Party Rocket Launcher!

The Heartless barely had time to regret it. As it turned around it met the violent cyan eyes of a usually soft-spoken yellow pegasus. “I don’t care who or what you are, mister,” Fluttershy told it. “So what if you and everything like you are made up of scary darkness, you do not, you do not, hurt my friends!”

Rainbow Dash smiled as the Soldier went completely slack, absently gazing at Fluttershy as the Stare Master paralyzed it in fear of her stare.

Doctor: Er..what?

Ditzy: That’s Fluttershy’s trademark Stare. It paralyzes anything in fear!

Doctor: But...she’s just staring at it!

Ditzy: I think you need to see it in real life to understand it.

She was right about to dive down and smash the creature’s head into the dust when a crackling bolt of lightning suddenly jolted into the Heartless’ stomach. The Soldier flew only a couple hooves before bursting apart in a dark cloud. Rainbow shook her head in surprise and saw Coltinster’s horn sparking with lightning.

Ditzy: (Heartless) My...only regret is not proposing to Suzy...

A yelp of surprise and pain touched Rainbow’s ears and she saw Sora tumbling across the marble floor of the ballroom, his coat singing from where a red bolt had exited one Draco Ursa’s horn and struck him on the flank. Kairi’s shout of his name overpowered several others’ but hers quickly turned into one of momentary pain as a claw from the second one swatted her twelve hooves back. The pink pegasus crashed into Rarity, and the two ponies slid until they were only a short distance away from another pillar. Both Draco Ursas were the only Heartless left in the room; one was sporting a shallow wound near the shoulder that was oozing black wisps, and neither of them looked too happy at the moment.

Doctor: Our Keyblade wielders aren’t doing so hot.

Ditzy: After the Pride Lands, I didn’t think being a pony would be much of an issue.

Rainbow Dash gulped as both of them roared loud enough that she was sure Ponyville could hear them, and muttered, “This isn’t going to be good.”

Ditzy: I guess this world is too high level for Sora and Co.

Doctor: (Sora) Combat level 35? What?

“I think this farce has gone on long enough,” a disgruntled voice said behind her.

Doctor: (Voice) Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

Coltinster’s horn sparked again and another bolt of lightning, this one as thick as one of Applejack’s legs, zapped out of his horn and struck the closest Draco Ursa. The beast roared in pain, and the lightning arced off of its body and struck the second one too, only the bolt wasn’t quite so thick as it had been. The first Draco Ursa burst apart in a large cloud of black smoke that slowly dissipated, while the second one now had a smoking hole in its cheek leaking darkness to go with the cut on its shoulder. It emitted a low yowl.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Level 40 suckers!

“It’s hurt bad,” Fluttershy said shakily.

All: Medic!

Ditzy: Get a Medi Gun!

Rainbow Dash smirked and yelled, flying towards the Draco Ursa with one hoof extended. She kicked the beast hard on its wounded cheek, and then spun around and delivered a second hit with her right forehoof chopping across. The Heartless staggered from the blows, and sharply turned its head towards her, displaying rows of glistening, sharp teeth and a forked tongue. Rainbow could see fire welling up within its mouth, and she gulped. This won’t end well.

Ditzy: Darn it Rainbow. This is no time to freeze up.

The fire never spewed out. She only heard a muffled, “Urf,” and the Heartless sagged for a moment before breaking apart with a pink crystalline heart rising up into the air. Sora was panting beneath Rainbow Dash, the Oblivion digging back into his mouth after he’d stabbed his foe with the weapon.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Hey, you didn’t need to help. I totally had that one. I was luring it into a false sense of security!

His eyes were beyond wide and he started to heave, the pony’s weapon lodged behind his back teeth and rubbing against his throat.

Doctor: At least he didn’t smash his jaw while holding it.

“Oh gods, Sora!” Kairi gasped, getting back onto her hooves and galloping to her coltfriend. The Oblivion vanished from his mouth and Sora began hacking loudly and painfully. “Are you okay?”

Ditzy: (Sora) Nothing a quick Curega spell won’t fix….wait...

He winced slightly, but responded, “Yeah, I’m okay Kairi.”

“That was pitiful.”

All: (Singing) You're pitiful. You're pitiful, it's true.

All heads turned towards Coltinster, the old unicorn giving the two Keyblade-Wielding ponies looks of disapproval.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) In my day, I could take 40 Draco Ursas blindfolded.

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash started, “Who the hay do you think you are to—”

“No, Rainbow Dash,” Sora said quietly, “he’s right.”

Doctor: (Sora) This fight has brought great shame on my family.

“Ye wouldn’t last four seconds against any of the fourteen of your predecessors I have known in my lifetime,” Coltinster continued.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Even Quick Sheet from accounting could beat you.

“I have known all to be beyond exceptional fighters, and none of them would have displayed the sloppy work that you two did just now.”

“We would if we were human,” Kairi muttered under her breath.

Doctor: Excuses excuses.

Coltinster stamped a hoof down hard. “No excuses! Human or not, ye Wielders are the front line guardians of balance in the Realm of Light. While fighting with the Keyblade in different animal forms may not be instinctual, ye are always given a way to do so. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, what did ye notice about how they fought?”

Doctor: Hmm...Well they didn’t have a very good awareness of their surroundings.

Ditzy: They were very bad at dodging attacks.

Doctor: They didn’t use their surroundings to their advantage.

Ditzy: They didn’t look for weak spots or work together.

“Are yah sure this is really the best time to be doin’ this?” Applejack asked.

Ditzy: (Kairi) I think Sora has internal bleeding.

“I agree with Applejack,” Rarity concurred, fixing her rumpled mane with her nose. “They should both get looked at after the—” She stopped as Coltinster fixed her with a stare equal to Fluttershy’s. He glanced up at Rainbow Dash as she hovered over them all.

Doctor: Or maybe we could talk about how Sora and Kairi are complete failures as Keyblade wielders.

A jolt of fear touched the proud pegasus’ heart and she instantly began answering. Forget the Heartless or dragons, this pony was downright the scariest thing she’d ever met.

Ditzy: And she met Pogo the Clown once.

All: (Shutters)

“Well, if I had to say anything, it was that they weren’t using their wings to fly around, or holding their swords in their hooves.”

Ditzy: They were better off on the ground. Fighting while flying is a very difficult skill.

Doctor: I imagine it is. It would take a long time to develop good instincts and reflexes.

“We can do that?” Kairi asked, glancing at Sora in confusion before looking at her hoof.

Doctor: It is harder than it looks to pick up that particular skill.

“Well, sure,” Applejack answered. “My sister Apple Bloom was able to hold a foil in her hoof with no problem when she had Cutie Pox that one time.”

Doctor: Don’t have Applejack demonstrate it, clumsily explain it instead!

Ditzy: Whythat example?

“And Mulia Mild had a good couple of hooves on that ninjat ō when she sliced up the MMM,” Pinkie added.

“You remember that that was me, Fluttershy, and Rarity, not Mulia, right?” Rainbow reminded Pinkie.

Doctor: What are they talking about?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

“Oh, right, silly me.”

Sora looked sceptical,

Ditzy: Rarity and Fluttershy didn’t seem like the type to have ninja skills.

and glanced at his right forehoof. The Oblivion appeared there in a flash of light, and Sora looked surprised when he was able to hold it firmly in his hoof instead of it falling off.

Doctor: Only to fall to ground a second later. Sora tried grabbing it off the ground, but it only fell again.

Ditzy: (Sora) Gah! How do you do this!?

“You know, logically biology should tell me that this is impossible,

Doctor: I think you mean physically possible. Biology has nothing to do with it.

but I’m willing to overlook it if it means I can fight.”

Ditzy: It’s magic silly. Something you use all the time.

His Keyblade vanished, and he looked at Applejack. “What were these things we’ve heard mentioned a few times? The Elements of Harmony?”

Doctor: (Kairi) Since we can’t win fights...we are going to cheat!

“Oh, they’re these necklaces and a crown thingy that Twilight’s got that represent friendship,” the cowpony replied. “Fer instance, I represent the Element of Honesty.”

All: You lie!

“Laughter!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, giggling immediately afterwards.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Oooo. We should throw a Victory Over The Mean Old Heartless Party!

Doctor: (Sora) Um, didn’t we just havea party.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Silly, you can’t have enough parties!

“Generosity,” said Rarity.

Ditzy: Still unsure about that one myself.

“Kindness,” Fluttershy added.

Doctor: And what a dear she is.

“Loyalty,” Rainbow Dash said proudly, dropping onto the floor next to Sora. “I’d never leave my friends hanging.”

Ditzy: To her job however...

“And Twilight’s the Element of Magic,” Spike concluded.

Ditzy: I just realized just how incredibly OP Twilight is going to be with having a Keyblade too. I bet right now she could give Sora and Riku a hard fight with just her magic alone!

“They’ve used the Elements of Harmony to save all of Equestria a couple times.”

Doctor: (Spike) In fact, I don’t think we even need you.

Rainbow Dash saw Sora and Kairi looking at her and her friends with mild annoyance.

Doctor: (Sora) We are the heroes here!

Ditzy: (Kairi) Yeah, the only ones that can save the day are us!

“You mean to say that you’ve got magical weapons, powered by the friendship you have within your hearts, that you’ve used to save your world a few times, but you don’t have them with you?”

Doctor: It isn’t like they could ever get stolen or anything.

Rainbow rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “Eh he he, yeah.”

“So where are they?” Kairi asked.

“In a special hall in the castle,” Rarity answered. “But we can’t get at them anyway. Princess Celestia keeps them in a vault that’s locked up with a spell only she can undo.”

Doctor: And Princess Luna and Cadence. No point putting all your eggs in one basket.

Rainbow could see the smirks appear on the two off-world pegasi’s faces. “Locked, huh?” Sora asked. “Take us to them.”

Ditzy: Or you could just ask Princess Celestia nicely.

Doctor: I think Sora feels the need to validate himself after that humiliation.

-G-M-

Well, there’s something of a battle at any rate.

Doctor: (Shire Folk) But that isn’t the reason you read this story. You read it for the gripping exposition!

Coltinster proves himself as being badass number one in the room with his use of the Lightning Bolt and Chain Lightning spells. Now if only he’d cast Polymorph on those two to briefly make them human again…

All: Nah..

Doctor: Let them suffer.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Good, you’re back. Now it’s time for you clean up this mess.” Dinky said a few seconds after the Doctor and Ditzy exited the theater.

“Yes. Yes.” The Doctor said wearily.

“I expect you to be back in your room as soon as you are finished. Do you understand me?” Dinky dictated in a tone that sounded motherly.

“Yes Dinky.” The Doctor and Ditzy said flatly.

“Wait, what about dinner?” Ditzy just realized they hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday.

“You aren’t getting any.” Dinky said simply.

“What!?” Ditzy was outraged. She was starving.

“Don’t you think you have punished us enough?” The Doctor said quite irritated. He stomped a hoof of emphasis. “You keep adding punishments on a whim.”

“No, I don’t. I want you to understand the severity of what you did.” Dinky said in tone similar to that of a parent lecturing a child. “Now get to it. I expect this place to be completely cleaned up in two hours.”

The two adventures sighed and begun their work. The Doctor grabbed a broom and swept floor while Ditzy started picking up anything that couldn’t be swept up and put it a nearby trash bin. The Doctor couldn’t believe this. He was being treated like a child. He was being punished like a child. He briefly wondered if he would have preferred being tortured over this. He could handle that.

Episode 6 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 1

Hello again. Time for a new story! This time it is a story called ‘Darkness of Love’ by Grimm Reaper.It’s a story about a Spike that turned into a brooding bad boy anti-hero that abandoned his friends because something that happened in the past! It made him abandon friendship, and manners, and basic decency. I plan on doing the whole story. It’s not very long. I think I should be done with it in 4 episodes. I am not completely sure what story I plan on doing next, I might do the sequel. Nothing has really been set in stone yet. Feel free to offer any suggestions.

Special thanks to Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 6 - Part 1

The Doctor stared at the cards in his hooves with intensity. The game was going badly. At this rate, Ditzy would bleed him of all his chips. Currently Ditzy had a pile that was almost three times the size of the Doctor’s. The Doctor liked his hand of three 7s, a king, and an ace. This was his chance to change the tide of the game, but the Doctor had a bad feeling. If Ditzy had something better, he had no chance of winning. Ditzy was smiling. It was an expression that hadn’t changed throughout the game. The Doctor never expected her to be so unreadable.

The whole game almost never left Ditzy’s favor. Frustratingly, she never took any risks. Whenever the Doctor got something decent, she would fold immediately and the Doctor ended up getting almost nothing. The Doctor briefly wondered if Ditzy was really a mind reader this whole time. The Doctor hardened his resolve. It was time to make a comeback.

“I raise.” The Doctor put ten chips in the pot.

“I’ll call that.” Ditzy put in ten chips as well.

“I will…” The Doctor hesitated for a second. “raise again.” He added another ten chips to the pot.

“Okay.” Ditzy added another ten chips without hesitation.

This was it. The Doctor smiled as he dropped his hand on the bed. “Three of a kind. Can you beat that?”

Ditzy just smiled. “Yep. I have a three of kind too. Only I have three Jacks.” The Doctor smile faded. “I win again.” Ditzy added the chips to her pile.

“I give up Ditzy. You win. I have no chance winning now.” The Doctor groaned.

“That was fun Doctor.”

“I’m sure it was.” The Doctor grumbled. “When did you become such a good card player?”

“Oh, my grandfather, Lucky Deal, taught me. He’s a professional poker player. He taught me everything he knows.”

“That explains it.” The Doctor wished he learned about this a hour ago. Maybe Ditzy should have gotten a cutie mark in card playing.

Ditzy got off their bed and stretched. She looked at the clock. 10 minutes until the experiment begins. “Honestly Doctor, you’re kinda bad at playing Poker.” She said as she started heading for the door. “You are just too easy to read.”

The Doctor watched as she went out the door stunned. “Too easy to read!?” The Doctor said furiously. “I’ll have you know I have used this poker face on beings that consider themselves gods and won!” The Doctor stomped after her.

“How are my little test subject doing today?” Dinky said over her viewscreen.

“Fine. Fine.” The Doctor said grumpily. He wasn’t taking being grounded very well, and being confined to his room for an entire week left him in a rather bad mood.

“No bad.” Ditzy replied in an upbeat manner. Ditzy, on the other hoof, was taking their grounding rather well. The Doctor had no clue why this was.

“Good good.” Dinky replied. “Today’s experiment will be something different.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“You will be reading a different story.”

“So no more Guardians of Magic?” Ditzy replied not sure if she should be relieved or not.

“No more Guardians of Magic.” Dinky said simply. “Today you will be reading ‘The Darkness of Love’ by Grimm Reaper chapters one through three.”

“What?!” Ditzy and the Doctor said in unison.

“Three chapters? Good gracious.” The Doctor said wearily.

“No need to complain. They are short chapters.”

“Well that’s a relief.” Ditzy said wiping her forehead with a hoof.

“Enjoy. I know you won’t like them.” Dinky said evilly and gave out a wicked laugh.

“Wonderful.” The Doctor sighed. The experiment alarm went off

“Let’s do this!” Ditzy said in a cheer.

The two headed to the theater.

The air blew cold at the peak of the mountain, despite it being Summer.

Doctor: No title or author’s notes?

Ditzy: Why was the first word of the story bolded?

Small icicles were forming around the grassy areas of the smooth crater that formed the tip of the mountain.

Doctor: Eons ago, a giant parasitic creature crashed there and burrowed itself deep into the planet’s surface.

Four dragons resided there at the time.

Doctor: The rent was cheap and provided free cable.

Staring at the frozen grass was a fairly rounded red dragon with a green belly and yellow spines and horns. He flew a waft of smoke just short of the grass and watched as the icicles grew transparent as a coating of fresh water slicked them, causing the grass to look crystalised. Another dragon, thin and bony, rested in one of the sleeping spots, catching the sun’s morning rays. His blue scales glistened in the light, adding detail to his cyan spines and horns. His body heaved up and down, signifying to any watchers that he was asleep.

Ditzy: .The sleeping mask and ear plug might have been a good clue too.

The third dragon, a female with white scales and dark purple horns and spines rested on their leader’s chair carved from a tree that once grew there. Her body was wrapped around said leader, whose purple scales shone brilliantly in the morning light, highlighting his green spines and frills.

Ditzy: Wait a second….

His eyes were closed as he gently stroked the female’s head, his mind elsewhere.

Doctor: He was thinking about the latest Hoofball game in Baltimare.

The calm and seemingly harmonious state these four dragons were in was interrupted as two more dragons emerged, one of them carrying something very noisy.

Doctor: He trying to playing the accordion.

“Lemme go!” it carried on, swinging its… hooves at the approaching dragons. The one carrying the now identified pony was another red dragon with similar green spines to their leader. His companion was a yellow dragon with blue spines and frills.

“What have you done this time?” the leader spoke,

Doctor: (Leader) Carl, we paythe pizza delivery pony, not eat them. This is why most pizza places refuse our calls!

waking his white concubine from her slumber.

Doctor: Concubine?

Ditzy: (Mortified) Please let the leader not be Spike.

“We found this.” the yellow dragon replied. His friend tossed the pony along the ground, making her roll straight up to the leader who eyed her suspiciously. She wore a safari hat and clothing. She reminded him of the popular fictitious character, ‘Daring Do’, only the colours were off.

Ditzy: Fictitious? Daring Do is my cousin!

This pony was orange with a purple mane and tail. This put the leader in mind of a chicken.

Ditzy: Poor Scootaloo. She will never be free of chicken jokes.

“Hah, if it isn’t a ‘Daring Do’ wannabe. What are you doing here. We don’t host comic conventions up here, little filly.”

Doctor: (Dragon) We do however host Humiecon twice a year.

The ponified chicken rose to her feet, her wings fluttering madly, making a buzzing sound.

Ditzy: Ugh, again with the chicken thing?

“I’m out here looking for my ‘Cutie Mark’.” she stated bluntly, the distress and anger apparent in her voice.

All: (Groans) Of course.

Doctor: Moutain Climbing Cutie Mark?

Ditzy: Um, where are the other Crusaders?

“Your what?” the white dragoness asked.

“Her ‘Cutie Mark’; the mark that represents a pony’s greatest talent, which can be seen on their flanks. In short, this little filly is searching for her purpose in life.” the surrounding dragons all nodded as this information was added to their small archive of pony knowledge.

Doctor: It has to be small of you don’t even know what a cutie mark is.

Ditzy: (Dragon) Is it true that ponies bleed rainbows?

“Then I guess she should get a dragon’s mouth, because she’s going to be dinner.”

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Wait, you don’t want to eat me! I’m nothing but gristle and fur!

Doctor: How much do you want to bet that she tastes just like chicken.

Ditzy: Doctor.

Doctor: Sorry.

the blue one had awoken in time to hear his leader’s statement. The others laughed, causing the little filly to shake on the spot. Only the leader seemed calm and composed as he eyes their dinner with a trained analytical gaze.

Doctor: (Leader) I’ve never had stir fried pony before. What do you guys think?

“No,” he began, causing the others to halt their laughter. “This filly wouldn’t even hit the sides of either of our stomachs. She’d be a wasted effort, especially divided between the six of us.”

Doctor: (Dragon) Not if we turn her into a stew. I know an old recipe my old nana used to make.

Ditzy: I am really disturbed you keep coming up with stuff like that.

The other five dragons groaned in disappointment. The leader flexed his clawed hand, loosening the muscles and joints with a few loud cracks.

Ditzy: (Leader) Ugh, slept the wrong way again. Why don’t dragons believe in beds?

“Escort her back home to Ponyville.” he commanded. As the other dragons went to approach the filly, she addressed him once more.

Ditzy: Oh no. It is Spike! What is he doing with these bozos?

Doctor: He fell into the wrong crowd...again?

“How did you know I was from Ponyville?” she asked. The two dragons halted their approach and looked to their leader for both an answer and a command to continue.

Ditzy: (Spike) I, uh, didn’t she say that she was? (Nervous laughter)

“It doesn’t matter.” he said after a moment’s hesitation. He waved his hand to the two, motioning them to continue. Before they could grab her, the filly shot towards the purple dragon, halting as a waft of flame brushed her nose.

Doctor: She almost became...Coltucky Fried…

Ditzy: (Stern) Doctor….

Doctor: Alright. Alright. I’ll stop.

“Spike, is that you?” she demanded. All the dragons froze where they were, the white one raising her head.

“How did she know your name, boss?” the red one asked, long since distracted from his grass. The white one gave a revolted expression.

Ditzy: (White Dragon) You associated with ponies? I need a bath now.

“Oh god,

Doctor: Don’t you mean, ‘Oh Bahamut’?

you’re not a pony-hatched, are you?” she asked.

All: Pony-hatched?

Doctor: Are dragons commonly hatched by ponies?

Ditzy: I thought Spike was the only one.

Spike’s eyes flashed green and red and a dark purple aura escaped from out the sides. His scales lost their shine and darkened.

Doctor: Maybe you should see a doctor about that.

“Is that a problem, Scalia?” Spike’s voice deepened and became distorted, flanged and mechanised.

Ditzy: Spike was really part cyberdrake.

Scalia drew back, lowering her head back onto Spike’s lap.

“N-no, sir.” she whimpered, clearly regretting her outburst.

Ditzy: (Scalia) Now I’m not getting any tonight.

The orange filly grew excited.

“Spike, it is you! You’re alive. We all thought you’d died. You left Ponyville with no explanation. Twilight and Rarity looked for you for two years.

Doctor: The rest of Twilight’s friends and Celestia didn’t care all that much I guess.

Why’d you leave?” Spike’s scales returned to normal and he blinked once, dissipating the green and red colour.

Doctor: That was odd.

Ditzy: Wait, did Spike just use dark magic?

“Like I said, Scootaloo; it doesn’t matter.” The purple dragon noticed his companion loosening her grip around him, but said nothing of it.

Doctor: You might as well come clean now. No one is going to leave you alone until you do.

“But it doesn’t make any sense. Why leave, weren’t you happy with us? We missed you.” Spike recalled what it was that made him leave and his mood grew darker than his appearance.

“Leave us.” he called out. Every dragon, including Scalia shot out of sight as fast as their legs and wings could take them.

Ditzy: Talk about wipped.

Scootaloo watched as the last dragon shot over the edge of the crater at a speed that could leave Rainbow Dash in the dust. She turned back to her old friend, who had grown immensely since she’d last seen him. She approached him more casually, daring to hug him as she occupied the spot Scalia had once been. Spike negated to return the hug, but allowed her to continue.

Doctor: (Spike) Hugs are for the weak!

“I don’t understand what made you leave? Did Rarity reject you or something? Because if she did, then you might be happy to know that she clearly regretted doing so. Spike sighed, recalling the night he departed pony civilisation.

“No, she didn’t reject me. I suppose you could say I didn’t give her the chance to.”

Doctor: (Spike) I decided it would be best if we went on with our separate lives.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) In other words you chicken out.

Doctor: (Spike) What? N-no!

“Why not, did you wimp out on confessing your love for her or something?” Spike chanced a huff of amusement.

Ditzy: (Spike) Darn right I did!

“I always wimped out, but this wasn’t why I left.” he replied. Scootaloo squeezed her friend tightly, enjoying the familiar feel of scales.

Ditzy: I never realized those two were so close.

There was a long pause, covering the dragon’s peak in silence, save for the gust of wind that promised cold on Scootaloo’s surface. She leaned into her old friend, using him as a shield from the cold.

“Then why did you leave if not because of Rarity?” she asked, breaking the silence. Spike replied with a sigh, then looked up at the sky.

Doctor: He broke out into a song.

Ditzy: Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up

And every night I miss you.

“It had something to do with Twilight, that’s all I’m saying on the matter.”

Doctor: I get it. One too many checklist.

Ditzy: I guess a triple checking of a checklist for another checklist was the breaking point.

He leaned back in his wooden throne and finally resigned to hugging Scootaloo who enjoyed the affection.

Doctor: Is this going to be a Scootaloo and Spike romance story? Hence the ‘Darkness of Love’.

Ditzy: ...That actually isn’t too bad of a pairing...

“You’ve grown so much in three years. I knew you for two years and you barely changed. The next three years and you grew an inch. How’d this happen?” she asked, changing the subject. Spike chuckled.

Doctor: (Spike) I ate my Wheaties everyday.

“You still don’t read, do you?” the orange filly shook her head.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Only eggheads read anything but Daring Doo.

With an amused sigh, Spike looked straight ahead.

“A dragon’s growth rate matches that of his peers.

All: It...does?

Starswirl the Bearded recorded the growth rate of a dragon-hatched dragon, like the others I rule over, and a pony-hatched, like me. He stated that very quote in his book. In short it means when I’m around ponies, I age as fast as they do, when I’m around dragons, I age as fast as they do.

Doctor: …So if that is the case, why did you age so quickly when around a species that barely ages?

Funnily enough, we reach maturity pretty quickly, but then the aging just slows to a crawl and we live for thousands of years. Had I been born around the same time as Princess Celestia and Luna, I imagine I’d have outlived them.”

Ditzy: But they’re immortal aren’t they?

Doctor: Not quite.

Scootaloo’s jaw dropped as she realised what he was saying.

“So you’d live longer than any pony if you lived around them?”

Ditzy: Yes...like any normal dragon would...

“Yes, but I’d also live longer than any dragon if I lived around ponies.”

Doctor: …Why? I thought you said you age as quick as your peers!

Ditzy: I’ve given up figuring out what he is talking about.

Scootaloo clopped her hooves together, much like Twilight used to do when she got an idea.

Doctor: This made Spike go into angsty soliloquies about his dark and oh so tragic past.

“Maybe I should live around dragons. My lifespan would double then, right?” Spike laughed, bouncing Scootaloo up and down on his lap.

Ditzy: Makes about as much sense as Spike’s explanation about dragons.

“It doesn’t work like that, Scoots. If anything, living around dragons will give you greys in your teen years.” Scootaloo whined as she leaned back into him, causing the dragon to laugh once more.

“You know, I am thirteen now.” she stated. Spike smiled down at her.

Ditzy: Um, is she coming on to him?

Doctor: This is getting a little uncomfortable.

“Not a filly at all, then. You’re a young mare.” Scootaloo nodded.

Doctor: Spike was arrested later that day.

“Which is why I’m so desperate to get my ‘Cutie Mark’. The Crusaders are still searching after seven years.” Spike almost jumped out of his seat.

Ditzy: What? They still don’t have it?

Doctor: The author was too lazy to think up cutie marks for them.

“All three of you are still searching? Jeez, I’d have thought at least one of you would have gotten your marks by now.” The young mare nodded sadly.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) We have tried everything! Cutie Mark Crusaders Trapeze Artists, Cutie Mark Crusaders Nuclear Physicists, Cutie Mark Crusaders Bounty Hunters, Cutie Mark Crusaders Astronauts, Cutie Mark Crusaders Psychiatrists…

Ditzy: (Spike) Maybe you should something a bit simplier...

“Well you won’t find them out here. Ponies don’t belong in dragon territory. Unlike you guys, my kind aren’t exactly very accepting of other species.

Doctor: (Spike) We make you drink at different water fountains.

We’ve had to exterminate some gryphons every now and then because they’re very territorial and they believe this mountain top is theirs. I managed to convince the others to let Gilda go once or twice.”

Ditzy: Gilda? That sound familiar.

“Huh. How is Gilda? Dash says she hasn’t heard from her in a while.” Spike recalled the latest encounter with the rebel gryphon.

Ditzy: Hmmm…. I believe it involved an elbow to the face.

“She’s kinda… depressed. I think losing Dash as a friend has hurt her more than her pride will allow her to show.

Ditzy: The next time I see her, I will give her a nice big hug. She needs one.

Doctor: I...don’t think that would go over too well.

Other than that, she’s still got attitude.” Scootaloo giggled at this. She then asked the question Spike wanted to hear the least.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Is it true that dragons have two ‘you knows’?

Doctor: (Glares at Ditzy)

Ditzy: What?! It was funny!

“Are you ever coming back to Ponyville?” The purple dragon dug into the wooden throne, taking large strips or wood with his talons.

Ditzy: Great, and he just got that too!

Doctor: Scalia is going to give him quite the ear full.

“I can’t.” he replied. Scootaloo began her assault.

Ditzy: Pony Kombat!

Doctor: Why are you spelling combat with a ‘k’?

“Why not? Not even to visit? What’s wrong with you?” Spike rose to his feet, throwing Scootaloo across the ground.

“I refuse to return because it’s my choice and I hurt every time I think of that place. Now go home, Scootaloo.” Scootaloo refused his order and went to charge him. As she leaped at his head, Spike’s eyes returned to the scary green and red. The purple aura leaked out of his eyes. He took a deep breath and blew a plume of violet fire at her. Scootaloo screamed and covered her face, then felt nothingness.

Ditzy: D-did Spike just kill Scootaloo?

Doctor: Teleportation fire.

Ditzy: Phew. Wait! Spike teleportation fire is green!

Spike sat down again and crossed one leg over the other. His dark mood or figure didn’t dissipate like last time, instead, he growled in that flanged voice.

Ditzy: Is somepony going to start playing ‘Crawling in My Skin’?

Doctor: If they do, I’m leaving!

Scalia and the others popped their heads out from the edges of the crater. They slowly crept up before their leader, their bodies as low to the ground as they could get. The red one dragged a big groove in the dirt as he crawled.

Doctor: Hey! They just swept that!

“Is it over, Spike?” The purple dragon looked at his concubine and huffed.

Ditzy: (Dragon) The pony won’t hurt us right?

“Yes. Go about your business. Pretend this morning never happened. The two dragons who had brought Scootaloo to him, flew off in search of another meal.

Ditzy: Ironically running into the real Daring Do.

The blue and red dragons began a wrestling match with each other to pass the time, and Scalia slowly took her place at Spike’s side, keeping her eyes on Spike to make sure he wasn’t against her actions. She rested her head on his lap again, scrunching her nose as the smell of pony filled her sinuses.

Doctor: The pony smelled like tree sap for some reason.

Back in Ponyville, the Elements of Harmony were planning out their day together, as it had been a month since they’d all had a coinciding free day on their calanders. Business with Weather control had kicked up this year and Rainbow Dash was busy directing the weather to her teams. The Library was busier than it used to be since Spike was no longer around to help.

Ditzy: Owlicious had to pick up most of the slack.

Rarity’s boutique had made a lot of sales in preparation for the Grand Galloping Gala, which they’d all received an invitation to. Fluttershy had become somewhat famous to the animals in the nearby forests and her aid was required on a regular basis for more animals than she knew what to do with. The Apple family had acquired another few acres to their property and tending those extra apple trees kept Applejack ‘busier than a beaver on a dam’ as she’d put it. And Pinkie Pie was focusing her attention on assisting the Cakes in Sugarcube Corner.

“So, we’re just about ready to go. I know I’m looking forward to getting under way. I feel like we’ve been separated for so long, and that can’t be very good for friendship, can it?” Twilight asked.

Doctor: Don’t worry about it. I bet in a few weeks a major crisis will happen that will call for the six of you to come together again to work it out.

“Ah dunno Twi, I figure if the bonds of friendship are tightly knit early on, they can last forever, no matter the distance.” Applejack piped in.

“Well said, darling,” Rarity complimented, smiling sweetly at the farm pony. “And with that, perhaps we should be off. Our picnic will last longer if we get there ahead of schedule.” the ponies cheered excitedly as they made their way to the door to exit the Library. As Twilight went to move, a flash of violet emerged in front of her and Scootaloo popped into existence, falling on the coffee table.

Ditzy: Hopefully not made of glass.

“Scoots?” Rainbow Dash piped up. “What are you doing? And how did you manage to teleport?” The six ponies looked at the shaking young mare, who brought her hoof from her face and looked around.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) Rainbow Dash? Is this heaven?

“I’m alive? OH THANK SWEET CELESTIA I’M A-BUCKING-LIVE!!!”

Doctor: Language young missy.

she began to grow into hysterics as she laughed at her second chance at life.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, stallions with white coats ended up having to come for her.

It took the ponies several minutes to calm her down enough for her to get a workable sentence out.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash hit her over the head with her hooves.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) What? It calmed her down didn’t it?

“Scootaloo, what exactly happened?” The orange pony began to recant her ‘Daring Do’ like adventure to her peers.

Doctor: She traversed several jungles, explored ancient ruins, fought cannibals, stole ancient idols, ran from speeding boulders, ect ect.

“Darling, that’s all very amusing but I doubt you’d be here if two dragons took you away.” Rarity called a fib.

Ditzy: Why? You survived several encounters with dragons.

“That’s the thing. I thought I was dead meat when they took me to this strange mountain with the top blown off.

Doctor: Will this be important later?

They brought me before their leader who turned out to be Spike.”

“WHAT?!” all six mares screamed at her. Scootaloo cringed back and nodded.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Is this what is like for somepony to yell in your ear?

“It’s true. Spike’s the leader of a small group of dragons. He’s even got himself a marefriend… or maybe it’s dragonfriend. She looked a bit like you, Rarity.”

Ditzy: Somepony..er drake hasn’t gotten over his crush.

Doctor: That’s really sad.

Rarity drew back from the group and began to consider how this news affected her.

“But Spike is alive and well?” Twilight urged. Scootaloo nodded.

“He’s living like a king.

Ditzy: With like 5 followers and no hoard or treasure to speak of?

Doctor: Not exactly Smaug is he?

Got five other dragons under his thumb,

Doctor: I don’t recall a pony ever using that expression.

including the Rarity dragon. He’s come across Gilda a few times, fending her and her kind off their territory.”

Ditzy: Why they want an area controlled by dragons I have no clue.

Rainbow Dash took interest in the last bit of knowledge.

“Did he mention how she was?”

“He said she was still full of attitude, but I think she misses your friendship, Rainbow.” Rainbow Dash did as Rarity had done and considered the news she was given.

Ditzy: Awww. Rainbow Dash and Gilda are going to rekindle their friendship.

“Did he say why he left?” Twilight urged. Scootaloo shook her head.

Doctor: I get the feeling it is for something really stupid and childish.

Ditzy: You’re probably right.

“All he said was it had something to do with you and not Rarity. He wouldn’t give me anything more than that.” The ponies looked to Twilight for confirmation, but she was as confused as they were.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I only worked him thirteen hours a day, six days a week!

“What did I do? Have I been mistreating him again? I hate when I do that. No, I distinctly remember him smiling at me before he left, so he wasn’t upset with me… what could I have done? Did I say something that made him consider his life choices?” Twilight began to yell at herself as she worked in her mind what she could have done to cause Spike to leave.

Doctor: Lack of health care options?

Ditzy: Lack of a flexible work schedule?

“Why didn’t he say goodbye? Did he think we’d try and look for him again? Because we did that anyway.”

Doctor: Did you try sending him letters through Celestia? If he can send things to you, then I bet he can receive them too.

“Scootaloo, why don’t you come with us on the picnic and tell us more about Spike?” Fluttershy suggested.

All: (Fluttershy) Um, if that’s okay with you I mean.

“I’d love to, Fluttershy. Thanks.”

To be continued…

Episode 6 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 6 - Part 2

Scootaloo had spent the better half of an hour

Doctor: I’m guessing the bolded text means we started a new chapter?

Ditzy: I think you're right.

explaining the situation with Spike to the other mares. She claimed that he looked healthy, very healthy and attractive

Doctor: (Rarity) Scootaloo daring, you’re drooling. Very unlady like.

since he’d shed his baby dragon fat.

Ditzy: (Spike) I’m big boned darnit!

She quoted the Starswirl line as best she could which brought Twilight into a nostalgic trance.

Doctor: She had to in order to understand the mangled version Scootaloo recited.

Then the knowledge about this strange power he’d acquired reached the ponies’ ears and they took a different kind of interest in the subject.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) They sound awesome! Do you think I could get them too? With them I bet I could fly 20 times as fast!

“What kind of power?” Twilight asked. The orange pony tried her best to recollect the image, which wasn’t difficult since it was the last she saw of Spike.

“His eyes were strange. Like the parts that were usually white, were green. And his green eyes were red. And this strange purple mist waved from the sides of his face, kind of like when tears fly out to the sides when you run. And his scales looked darker; they didn’t even reflect the sunlight like they did before.” The six Elements gasped.

“That sounds like dark magic.

Ditzy: Why would Spike have that?

Doctor: He’s dark, edgy, and changed now! Of course he...somehow learned dark magic.

Tell me, did his voice change too?” Twilight urged. Scootaloo nodded.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) Yeah, it got way sexier.

“Yeah, it sounded so weird. Like when you speak from behind a fan and your voice is cut off, only it was a bit faster than that.”

Doctor: That sounds more hilarious than intimidating.

“By Celestia, he sounds like King Sombra.” Rainbow Dash stated, dropping to the ground.

All: Ccccrrrrryyyysssssstaaaallllsssss!

“But at least we know that the dark magic hasn’t changed him.” every pony looked at Twilight quizzically.

Ditzy: I don’t know. He seems more of a jerk now.

“Do explain, Twilight.” said Applejack.

“Think about it. With that kind of power, he could have every dragon under his control,

Doctor: Clearly you have no clue justhow powerful an ancient dragon is.

Ditzy: (Shutters) Yeah.

but he’s only leading five of them, which means he’s content to keep to himself and his group.

Doctor: Or he is working on a small scale to avoid drawing attention to himself until he is ready to make a big move.

Plus, he sent Scootaloo back to us alive when he was using the dark magic. If he was corrupted by it, he wouldn’t have bothered to do so.

Ditzy: Or it could just the be the last reminisce of his equinity...er…dragonity?

He probably wouldn’t even have recognised Scootaloo.”

Doctor: True, evil does make you stupid.

Ditzy: (Nods)

Rarity perked up and began giggling.

Doctor: (Rarity) I just thought of the funniest Knock Knock joke. What were you saying dear?

“Oh, that means he could still come back and we could pick up where things left off. In order to save him from the stress of explaining things, we could just tell him we missed him, give him a hug and–.”

Ditzy: Bake him muffins?

“He’s not coming back.” Scootaloo interrupted. Rarity stopped in her tracks and fell on the ground.

“What? What do you mean he’s not coming back? You found him didn’t you?” Scootaloo gave Rarity a strange look.

Ditzy: (Rarity) What? Do I have something in my teeth?

“It’s not a game of ‘hide and seek’, Rarity.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Did somepony say Hide and Seek! I love love love that game! Who’s it?!

He left for a reason and that very reason is what’s preventing him from returning. Besides, he’s got a female dragon with him now. I doubt he’s going to leave her behind.”

Ditzy: I don’t know, I think you two might have a lot in common.

Rarity searched her mind for words that could argue the truth, but all she could muster was gibberish.

All: Breaasdkfagonfdqegfq!

“Jeez, Sweetie Belle was right about you. You are pedantic to a fault.”

Ditzy: That was really mean. She was only concerned about her friend.

Doctor: Scootaloo, do you even know what pedantic means?

Scootaloo rose to her hooves and proceeded to leave the group. Her last statement shut Rarity up and froze her in place. The other five were left to discuss the situation amongst each other.

Doctor: (Rainbow) She’s like a statue. Let’s draw on her face with permanent marker!

Meanwhile, in the mountain crater, Spike was resting in his seat, his eyes closed and his head resting on his hand. He appeared asleep. Scalia kept darting between Spike’s face and the ground. The fact that he was pony-hatched disturbed her.

Doctor: Is this a thing now?

She’d been planning on having a nest with Spike, but she didn’t want her children to emerge impure.

Ditzy: Dang ponies and their...ponyness!

However, she was worried about telling Spike this as he seemed sensitive about the subject.

Ditzy: He often broke into tears over it.

Proof of this was the pile of ashes that was once one of their comrades; the sleepy blue dragon.

Ditzy: What?!

Doctor: Yep, dark magic hasn’t done anything to his sanity.

Spike snored once, confirming his slumber to the others who snapped their heads around to make sure they hadn’t upset him by accident.

Doctor: Considering he killed someone for minorly annoying him, good plan.

Ditzy: I don’t think I can facehoof enough over that.

In the purple dragon’s mind, the past engulfed him. He recalled that day like a moving image.

Ditzy: Dang, I don’t have any popcorn.

“Spike, come and help me with this, will you? I’ve got a lot to do and I can’t do this by myself.” his best friend and mentor, Twilight Sparkle called to him. Spike was finishing the morning dishes when he heard the call. Happily enough, he dried his hands

All: Claws.

on the wash towel and sped over to see what he could assist her with. She was on the Bookshelf ladder trying to manually pin up a streamer for the Hearth’s Warming Eve Party. She’d have done it with magic, had she not agreed to go in a Magic fast on the eve of the day.

Ditzy: Really? Why is that?

Spike chuckled and went to help her. Climbing professionally up the shelf,

Doctor: (Spike) Finally my shelf climbing certification comes in handy!

he grabbed the streamer and pinned it faster than Twilight could even climb the ladder.

Ditzy: Even if she was being chased by a monster?

Doctor: What if she was using a haste spell?

Ditzy: What if she did some training?

“There you go. That was the last one? You’re doing pretty good for a makeshift Earth Pony. Pinkie would be proud.”

Doctor: Now you only have 3 more rooms left to do!

Twilight laughed as she descended the ladder, sliding it to the end of the bookshelf.

“I’ll admit, I have a newfound respect for Pinkie’s parties. I don’t know how she does it.”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Years of practice Twilight. Years of practice.

Doctor: (Twilight) Wah! Ouch!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) You okay?

Despite Twilight’s efforts, the decorations were still lacking in style. She’d only managed the streamers and the tree had yet to be erected, much less decorated.

Ditzy: Come on Twilight! You can do it! I believe in you!

“Let me finish up the dishes, and then I’ll help you with the tree. That’s the fun part of the planning.”

Doctor: Living with Twilight Sparkle, you need to find some way to break the tedium.

he zoomed back into the kitchen before she could respond.

Ditzy: Spike was really….the Flash!

He washed quickly, but thoroughly, bringing a shine to every pot, pan and plate that came his way. In the span of a minute, he was finished

Ditzy: Wow. I need to ask him to do my dishes when I get back!

and as he emerged, he spotted Twilight trying to lift the tree. He decided to stay out of sight and watch her,

Ditzy: He was practicing his ninja skills.

covering his giggles as the tree fell on her time and time again.

Doctor: (Twilight) My back! I seriously think I broke something!

Ditzy: (Spike) This is hilarious!

Finally, she’d had enough as the tree began to prick her body.

“Spike!” she called, somewhat in distress. Spike laughed as he saw her hind legs flailing in the air, the rest of her under the tree.

“Oh, I wish we had a camera. This is priceless. I’d send it to Princess Celestia along with your Warming card.” Twilight gasped under the tree.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I...can’t...breath!

“You wouldn’t dare!” she begged. Spike ran off to find a camera he remembered seeing one time.

Doctor: (Twilight) Spike! If you do this, no ice cream from a month! And I hope you like reshelving!

Twilight heard the familiar click and began struggling even harder to get out from under the tree.

Ditzy: Oh no, she’s being held at gunpoint!

“Oh man. And the best part is you locked your magic away for the day with that sealing spell. He took a few more shots before writing out a letter.

Doctor: (Spike) Vis vhisssky is grreeatttt!

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure he hates whisky Doctor.

Doctor: Oh.

Dear Princess Celestia,

As this is the season for giving, I thought I’d give you a gift that shows your student isn’t always so polite and formal during such important events.

Doctor: (Spike) I didn’t know that Twilight even knewthat word.

I know I’m laughing as I write this and I hope you will too when you see these.

Yours truly,

Spike

Ditzy: (Spike) P.S. Please tell me you got me a Hula Hoop this year.

He placed the pictures in the rolled up letter and ignited them just as Twilight was about to tackle him.

Doctor: And Spike the Dragon is down at the 45’ line!

“You jerk! Princess Celestia’s going to be furious. She doesn’t want her student to be acting so clumsily.”

Ditzy: You should meet Lightning Dancer. She once spilled an entire tray of wine on a Zebra ambassador.

Spike wiped a tear from his eye as his friend pounded him on the back.

Doctor: Out of pain or laughter. You decide!

Suddenly, he belched up a response from the Princess, which Twilight swiped from mid-air.

“I can’t bear to read it.” she said,

Ditzy: She crawled up into a fetal position and started petting her tail while mumbling to herself

returning the note to Spike, making her reaction to its appearance redundant. Spike unrolled the parchment and cleared his throat.

Doctor: (Celestia) Dear Spike. I have decided to banish you to the moon for humiliating my most faithful student. I will be at the library in 10 minutes. If you run away, I will hunt you down myself and show no kindness or mercy.

Ditzy: (Spike) What!?

Doctor: (Celestia) Just kidding. I thought the picture was hilarious. Have a good Hearth's Warming Eve.

“Dear Spike. Thank you for the gift as it brought joyous tears to both my own eyes as well as Luna’s.

Ditzy: (Celestia) She wanted to posted it on Ponibooru, but I stopped her.

Not to mention half the royal court.”

Doctor: That sounds really out of character.

Twilight squealed, her face turning bright red. She shot to her bedroom and locked the door behind her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’m never coming out again!

“It has been some time since we have all laughed so hard. Prince Blueblood himself spat his wine out once he saw the picture.

Doctor: She really showed it to everyone?

Ditzy: Um. I don’t think the author knows Princess Celestia very well.

We had to get a guard in to produce CPR as he began choking on what remained.

Ditzy: Uh, can you even choke on wine?

Doctor: At that amount? No.

It faired little good as the guard searched for the cause and rolled on the floor laughing.”

Doctor: Ok, now this is just getting silly.

“Shut up Spike!” Twilight screamed through the door. Spike laughed, unable stop. He waited a minute to calm down before continuing.

“In response, I have taken a photo of the entire court in hysterics. I must go now for I believe Luna is about to have a heart attack. Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve, Spike.”

Ditzy: Kira you monster!

“Oh, god, a heart attack?!” Twilight whined. Spike examined the image and burst out laughing.

Doctor: (Spike)(Laughing) Luna’s about to die!

“Oh, hey Twilight, you should see this. The picture’s got Blueblood passed out in a puddle of his own wine.”

Ditzy: Poor Bluey!

when she refused to respond, Spike grew a devilish idea in his head. With the remaining pictures of Twilight under the tree, he stashed them in a satchel, donned a scarf and left the Library.

Doctor: He planned on giving them to Gabby Gums.

The first Pony he came across was Rainbow Dash. He wasted no time showing one of the pictures to her, causing her to fall out of the air in a fit.

“Oh man, Spike. That was awesome. You should send those to the Princess.” she stated. Spike grinned and showed her the response picture. Rainbow gained an octave as she squealed her delight for all to hear.

Ditzy: (Hums Zelda Item Get sound)

“Yep, and it gets better as the letter states Princess Luna on the verge of a heart attack.” Spike showed her the letter. When she finished reading it between sentences, she lost her voice as she had no more air to laugh with.

Doctor: No Rainbow, this is serious! Luna has a serious heart condition!

The process repeated with every pony he came across. The reactions were identical. Applejack tried her best not to show her grandmother for fear she would copy Luna’s reaction and died as a result.

Doctor: That tough old bird?

Spike even dared to show the three misfits, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The three fillies suggested getting the image published in the paper. Spike considered the ramifications of this action and decided against it.

Ditzy: You know, it wasn’t really that funny.

Doctor: Talk about killing a joke.

That night, after he’d received a flogging from Twilight who found out about the public debut of the scene to her friends,

Doctor: Passion of the Spike.

Spike settled down with Twilight, handing her a warm cup of coco. She’d grown so tired having to do everything manually

Ditzy: Um, are they even going to explain whyTwilight sealed her magic exactly?

that she wasn’t looking forward to the party, especially after the pictures.

Ditzy: Rainbow won’t shut the heck up about it.

The little baby dragon snuggled up to her. She reciprocated by resting her tired head on his. She was asleep in minutes.

Ditzy: Awwwww…...

It was then that it happened…

Doctor: The war began.

Spike woke up from his slumber into memory lane. His sudden rise startled the other dragons.

Doctor: (Dragon) I’m sorry I had the TV on too high! Please don’t kill me!

“Is everything alright?” Scalia asked. Spike looked around the border of the mountaintop.

Ditzy: (Spike) I just realized I messed Mathoof today.

“I was about to ask you guys that. I thought I heard something. Did you?” the other dragons looked around, some of them sniffing the air.

Ditzy: (Dragon) Fred!

Doctor: (Dragon) Sorry, I ate too many beans again last night.

“No, nothing.” the yellow one replied. There was silence as they listened again.

“Maybe the wind blew a rock off the edge of something.” Scalia suggested.

Doctor: Strange, mysterious sounds are never worth investigation. It’s probably nothing.

Spike was unconvinced. He rose to his feet and took a few steps forward. It took him a few seconds before he began to hear a light bristling sound, then a flap.

“Feathers… Gryphons!” he shouted. Every dragon scampered to their feet, excitement in their eyes.

Doctor: (Spike) It’s been so long since we’ve seen them! I’ll get the beer!

“Dinners on them tonight, boys.” the round red dragon said, patting his belly. The flapping sound came closer.

Doctor: Who needs gems when you have griffons!

“Where are they?” Scalia asked. Spike listened carefully, his frills moving up and down like ears.

Doctor: His frills are like an antenna now?

He flashed his gaze upward and saw not one, but dozens of gryphons diving down toward them.

Ditzy: Why are the Griffons attacking them? Are they completely suicidal?

“Shit!” he called out,

Ditzy: Who’s that?

Doctor: It’s a human curse word.

Ditzy: Ohhh. Why is Spike using it?

Doctor: No clue.

grabbing Scalia and diving forward. The others did likewise as the gryphons swooped down and angled up to climb once again into the sky.

“Damn them. Do they think we’re pushovers? Our kind are the greatest creatures in the world.”

Doctor: Gee. You might as well say ‘Come on. There is no way we can lose’.

Ditzy: The Griffons will win somehow?

Spike helped Scalia up and looked at the climbing gryphons.

“Let’s remind them.” His eyes changed once again and his voice grew distorted. Wings of black emerged from his back and he took to the sky with the others.

Ditzy: Oh, wow.

Doctor: I guess dark powers have their perks, baring the inevitable insanity of course.

The five of them split off in their own directions, lashing out at whatever gryphons were in their path.

Ditzy: (Spike) Fighting with no plan at all will surely not come back to bite us.

Spike managed to get two, letting them fall to his home, ready for cooking.

Ditzy: Ugh. They are actually going to eat them?

Doctor: I guess they have to considering they don’t seem to have any hoarded treasure to eat.

The others fared similarly. two by two, the gryphons fell, but with every one that fell, seemingly dozens more replaced them.

Doctor: I thought there were only a few dozen of them.

Ditzy: So the Griffons’ plan was just throw numbers at them until they fall?

“This isn’t working, there are too many, Spike. We can’t get them all.” as if to prove the yellow dragon’s point, one gryphon managed to tear into his wing, disabling his flight.

Ditzy: Well that easy.

He fell fast, trying his best to slow his descent with his good wing. He thought he was done for as he reached the last few feet, but he was caught by Scalia while Spike blocked the gryphons’ path to her. That left the other two to fend for themselves as the endless onslaught bore fruit in their favour. The two dragons had lost too much blood.

Ditzy: It turns out that, despite popular belief, dragon scales don’t offer much protection.

And as they were weakened, their enemy dealt multiple finishing blows. They both fell faster than the yellow dragon, plummeting over the edge of the mountain, already dead before they touched ground.

Doctor: No! Not...yellow guy. He was my favorite character!

Ditzy: I can only imagine the fan uproar this will cause.

Doctor: Think of all the hate mail the author will get now.

“No!” Scalia cried out. Spike, with his magic, slew as many gryphons as he could see, but there were always so many more out of sight.

Doctor: How about using your fire breath? It would really be useful in this situation.

Ditzy: Why are there so many of them?

One of them managed to clip him, distracting him long enough for another to knock him out mid-air. The dark wings vanished and Spike was sent over the edge with the other two. He heard Scalia call out to him, but he couldn’t respond.

Doctor: So much for ‘the greatest creatures in the world’.

Ditzy: They barely lasted a few paragraphs.

Doctor: Ironically, they would have won if Spike hadn’t killed that one sleepy blue dragon.

He awoke. How much time had passed, he was unable to tell. He wondered how he was still alive.

Doctor: He luckily landed in a mattress cart that was passing by.

The answer was a very sturdy and flexible tree branch. He’d landed in it; roughly half down the mountain. With sore joints and dried blood that stretched his softer scales, he struggled to stand on the branch.

Doctor: The sudden movement caused the branch to crack and break and he fell to his death. The end.

His magic took hold and he flew back up to the peak of the mountain. He peeked his head over the edge, seeing the swarm of gryphons feeding off their fallen comrades as well as the dragons, including Scalia.

Doctor: Griffons, well known predator of dragons.

Ditzy: What? The enduring racist character is dead? Who could see that coming?

“No!” he called out, covering his mouth afterward. But it was too late. They’d heard him and spotted him. Seeing the sight before him drew on the darkness within and rage emerged, darkening his scales like never before. As the gryphons flew towards him, intent on killing him, he clenched his fist tightly.

Ditzy: And used his newfound dark powers to run away.

“You’ll pay for this. I’M TRULY ANGRY… YOU SCUM!!!”

Doctor: You can't just have your characters announce how they feel!That makes me feel angry!

Twilight awoke with a start. She’d had a nightmare. Spike had returned, still a baby, his giddy face gleaming at her. She went in to hug him, but his face transformed into that of King Sombra’s and he’d devoured her whole, sending her falling into her greatest fear, like the door had done back at the Crystal Empire.

Doctor: Her greatest fear of getting a B+ on a test.

Sweat rolled down Twilight’s face, and matted her fur. Her body was soaked in perspiration. Her heart was pounding and she was fully awake. With a sigh, she removed the sheets from the bed and tossed them in a hamper. She used her magic to place clean sheets and covers on the bed, and then she went off to bathe, eliminating the prospect of staining the new bedding in sweat. The news that she’d received earlier that day troubled her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I can’t believe that are canceling Battlestar Gatrotica. That was my favorite show!

While she was happy that Spike was alive, it caused her great pain that he wasn’t willing to return because of something she’d done. The worst part was she didn’t know what it was she’d done.

Ditzy: That really confuses me. She was asleep the whole time. What could she possibly have done to make Spike do this?

Doctor: Maybe in the past she betrayed his trust somehow and he found out about it? That’s my best guess.

Perhaps it had been the flogging she’d given him for distributing those photos to her friends. No, he’d been laughing through the beating, using one of the pictures as a medium for his laughter.

Doctor: Humiliating your friends is always hilarious.

She collapsed into tears as she realised that she’d never see him again even though he was still alive.

Doctor: But you know where he is. Maybe a quick visit to see if he is alright?

The water rained down on her body and it felt heavy, much like her emotions.

All: Symbolism!

She contemplated suicide at that moment, drowning herself.

All: ...What?!

It would be a punishment to him should he hear about it.

Ditzy: No! Don’t do that! Things might seem bad now, but they always get better! Trust me on this. You can do it Twilight!

Doctor: Twilight just think of everything you have, everything you’ve achieved! You have wonderful friends, loving parents, a dear brother, a new sister, and a loving mentor. You have a wonderful and spectacular life. You’ve beaten Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra! And not alone, you have wonderful, loving friends that fought with you through thick and thin! Even when things seemed the bleakest and completely hopeless, you banded together and overcame it all. You can do it Twilight! I believe in you!

But she couldn’t well kill herself. Her nature forbade it, at least until she figured out why he wouldn’t return.

Ditzy: Oh no, is this going to come back again?

Doctor: This really came out of nowhere.

Defeated by her mind, she finished her shower and prepared to go to bed once more, with a warm cup of coco like he used to make. As she planted the mug down on the bedside table and prepared to get in, she heard a loud knocking on the front door. She groaned heavily as she went to investigate.

Doctor: (Twilight) I swear if it is another door-to-to door sofa salespony.

“We’re closed. If you can’t read the sign, you shouldn’t be coming here.” she opened the door to insult the newcomer some more,

Ditzy: (Twilight) If you want help forget it!

but halted as she looked upward at the tall figure in the dark. She couldn’t figure out what it was, but the lightning storm that had been scheduled revealed this person’s identity in a flash.

Ditzy: Is it Slenderpony!?

With purple scales and green frills, Spike stood before his old friend, covered in blood that was not entirely his own.

“Spike…”

Ditzy: Or it could just be Spike. Wait, why is he back here? Didn’t he go on and on about never wanting to see Ponyville and Twilight again?

Doctor: Why is he back here? Shouldn’t his mountain be several miles away from Ponyville and he wasn't he seriously injured?

To be continued...

Episode 6 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 6 - Part 3

“Spike…” Twilight was speechless.

Ditzy: Why did the author think this was a good way to start a chapter?

Her whole world crumbled around her as the sopping wet dragon, slicked with blood that washed to the ground stood at her doorstep.

Ditzy: Can he even fitthrough the door?

Doctor: Did the author even establish how large he is?

“Twilight…” he groaned. He sounded weak as he fell forward. The pony didn’t know what to do, and instinct told her to jump out of the way.

Ditzy: Um, what about your telekinesis?

Spike hit the floor with a loud thud, a groan following close behind.

Doctor: (Spike) Ugh, fell on my keys.

“Oh my goodness.” she gasped, proceeding to help him inside. Spike floated in the air, surrounded by Twilight’s magical aura. The pony herself rushed to her bedroom door and wasted no time levitating the weak dragon inside. There was a slight knock on the doorframe, followed by Spike’s annoyed groan.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Hmmm...you’re a bit too big to fit through the door. Looks like I will just have to force you through!

Doctor: (Spike) No! Just teleport!

“Ow.” Twilight winced as she realised her mistake.

“Sorry.” she said as she rushed to prepare the guest bed for him.

Ditzy: Which should be way too small for him.

Gently, and with renewed accuracy,

Ditzy: She rolled better this time.

she laid the dragon to rest with his head on the pillow. The covers had been forced to the end of the bed and as the aura faded from around Spike, it reappeared around the covers which floated above him, coming to rest over his battered and bleeding body.

Doctor: It barely covered his body, but it was better than nothing.

“You can have a shower tomorrow, right now you need rest.

Doctor: Sure, it’s not like he needs medical attention.

Ditzy: He probablywon’t bleed to death.

What happened to you?” the dragon didn’t answer. He simply looked at his old friend with distant eyes. The room was silent, save Spike’s wheezing and it became clear to him that she was not going to leave him alone without an answer.

Ditzy: (Spike) I, uh, had a nasty run in with a...ketchup bottle!

“Gryphons.” Twilight observed the wounds not covered by the bedding, gently wiping away some of the blood around one of them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This rag I used to clean the shelves yesterday should be perfect.

“Looks like you’ll have a permanent scar over your eye. They say that mares like scars, but with Rarity, she might become that much more difficult for you to obtain.” she joked. Spike just huffed, a waft of smoke rising to the roof.

“Funny.” he muttered. Twilight leaned away from him, unsure what to do next.

Doctor: Check the severity of his wounds?

Ditzy: Get some disinfectant?

There was an eerie chill in the room as nothing was said for a matter of minutes. She searched for something to say; anything that could beak the wall of awkwardness between them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) How’s your sex life?

There was so much she wanted to ask him, but she didn’t want to pressure him into leaving again. Perhaps something casual would be a good start?

Doctor: (Twilight) So, have you read the latest issue of Equestrian Science Monthy?

“So how have–.” she was cut off by a light snore that escaped the dragon’s mouth. She inspected the noise to find he’d fallen asleep.

Ditzy: (Twilight) No, must resist pranking him for leaving without a word for years.

“Poor guy; he must have been exhausted.” she whispered to herself. She reached a hoof to his face and turned his head. She then proceeded to kiss his forehead, avoiding the blood that had begun to dry on his surface.

Doctor: You could clean him up right now. He’s out like a light.

Ditzy: I sure hope none of those Griffons had anything.

“I’m glad you’re home.” she left him to his rest and returned to her own fresh bed. As she relaxed herself, she thought about what had just happened and she smiled. Her best friend had come home.

This’ll be one hell of a friendship report to Princess Celestia. she thought as she closed her eyes.

Doctor: (Twilight) Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that contrived miracles can come true!

The following morning, Spike awoke to the smell of cooked vegetables, hay fries and the sound of gems clanging together. He knew right away that Twilight had planned on trying to persuade him to stay by feeding him his favourite foods;

Ditzy: It was a devilish plan to be sure.

or what once were his favourites.

Doctor: Now it was fried rat.

As he suspected, a bowl of gems accompanied some hay fries and vegetables on a tray as Twilight opened the door. She’d gone out of her way to make this. Too bad it wasn’t going to affect him in the way she wanted.

Ditzy: Ha. Says the one cramming his face like he hasn’t eaten in months.

“Morning.” she said in a cheery voice. He knew it all too well. It was the voice she’d use whenever she was nervous about something. It was obvious to anypony or anyone what she was nervous about.

Doctor: She should be nervous considering you kill your friends with little provocation.

“Morning.” he replied in a not so cheery tone.

Doctor: I’m not a morning person either.

He sat up and leaned against the bed post as she placed the tray of food on his lap.

“ How did you sleep?” she asked. Spike ignored the question at first, sniffing the contents in front of him. Clearly, nature had made him paranoid to an extent.

Ditzy: He was worried she might drug him to drag him to her special basement for experimentation.

“Well enough… considering.”

Doctor: (Spike) It actually looks vaguely edible, you have improved quite a lot.

he took a few hay fries and wrapped his reptilian tongue around them. He then proceeded to pull them into his mouth where it closed. Twilight searched for any signs of chewing, but noticed none.

“Is everything alright?” she asked. Spike had torn the fries apart using nothing but his tongue, turning it into a few piles of mash as he constricted around the thin sticks. He swallowed, loud enough for her to hear.

“Of course not.” he said nothing else as he tried a gem next.

Ditzy: (Spike) How did you manage to burn gems?

A fire ruby, like the heart-shaped one he’d given Rarity was first on his list. He tossed the gem into his mouth and visibly chewed on it, more vigorously than necessary for a single gem the size of Twilight’s hoof.

Ditzy: And with his mouth open. Eck.

“You said Gryphons attacked you. Why?” she asked. Spike stopped chewing and rotated his eyes, pointing them upon her. Twilight felt as though they were a pair of canons about to go off at any second.

All: Space Ripper Stingy Eyes!

“My home was just beyond their border. They disagreed and claimed it as theirs.

Doctor: For some reason they were willing to sacrifice dozens of Griffons to get it.

Reasons led me to abandon it. It’s of no use to me now.

Doctor: (Spike) With my long time friends and allies dead and everything.

Which brings me here.” He removed the tray from his lap and hopped out of bed, ripping the sheets that had stuck to him from his body which had used the dried blood as a medium. Twilight kept at least a meter away from him as he made his way out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” she asked, worry filling her voice. Spike stopped and turned to her.

Doctor: (Spike) To Disneyland.

“To the shower. This blood isn’t a fashion statement,

Doctor: Actually I can think of several planets where blood is considered quite fashionable.

Ditzy: Please tell me you're joking.

I’m sure Rarity would agree.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) Nonsense darling. I think it looks quite fetching!

he closed the door after him, leaving Twilight to ponder his attitude towards her.

Ditzy: Yeah! No welcome hug or anything.

Doctor: Please tell me he gets over this soon.

Spike leaned against the door for a moment, bringing his hand to his face. As he dragged it down, the scars matched the path of his fingers, including the one over his eye. Fresh blood emerged from the scratches which caused him to curse under his breath.

Doctor: Maybe you should, I don’t know, cover your injuries!

He hurried to the shower and turned the knobs. As a cold blooded creature, the temperature didn’t bother him, but the hot water that touched his scars hurt.

Doctor: Much like his black, broken heart.

He crouched in the tub as the water sprayed all over him and he watched as the tub turned pink against the white porcelain. He knew coming back was a mistake. He should have tried for another brood and a dragoness with colour dissimilar to Rarity.

Doctor: So he barely cares that his pack and lover are dead. What a great guy.

Ditzy: This is suppose to be Spike?

But he was here now and he would suffer the consequences… for a time.

Twilight sat on the couch, staring at the unused fireplace. She was off in her own little calculating world.

Doctor: She was planning her ‘What to do now that Spike is back’ pre-check list.

What had she done? She knew he was happy the day he left, but what caused all that to change? Did he realise some sort of truth that even she couldn’t fathom? All sorts of questions bubbled away in her head, each one dismissed as quickly as they came.

Doctor: (Twilight) Was it because it because I didn’t give him enough gems. Not enough break time? Did I work him too hard? I didn’t bring him along on enough adventures? I woke him up too early in the morning? I didn’t leave the toilet seat up? I didn’t feed him well enough? I let Owlicious do too much work? I didn’t….

Ditzy: Doctor.

Doctor: Sorry.

She was distracted by a knocking sound. She jumped as she realised she’d made plans with Rarity in the morning.

Ditzy: That’s convenient.

Doctor: Ugh, this is going to go over well.

“Oh no. If she sees Spike… Well she was going to see him eventually, right?” She hurried over to the door and opened it.

“Twilight, darling! So nice to see you again.” the white mare said.

Doctor: (Rarity) I was thinking we should look for Spike. I know he said he didn’t want to see us again, but I’m worried about him and I miss him. I don’t care if he throws us out, I want to see my Spikey Wikey again!

“We saw each other yesterday, Rarity.” Twilight muttered, stepping aside to let her in.

Doctor: (Twilight) I have set a predetermined amount of how many times we should see each other during the month. You’re breaking schedule!

“I know, but twice in one month seems so… rare these days, you know?” she stepped inside and waved her mane to one side. She’d changed it once again. It was now without curls and hung beautifully straight. A strand had made its way between her eyes and rolled into a curl.

Ditzy: (Rarity) You’re becoming a shut in again darling. Idea! We should have a spa season. We haven’t had one in ages!

“Are you alright, darling? You look positively distraught. Has that time of the year crept up on you?” Twilight blushed red and shook her head, messing up her own mane in the process, much to Rarity’s chagrin.

Ditzy: That time of the year?

Doctor: Twilight forgot her flu shot.

“Oh, nononono, nothing like that. It’s, uh… Something came up last night and I haven’t really… bounced back yet.” As Twilight spoke, she heard the sound of the shower stopping, which she hadn’t noticed until it was gone. She gasped and smiled at Twilight with a devilish grin.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Have you finally asked the Doctor out?

Doctor: For the last time Ditzy, I am not going to date Twilight Sparkle!

Ditzy: Come on! You two are perfect for each other!

“Oh, I see what’s going on. Twilight, you little minx. As our current youth says; ‘working it under those books and plain appearances’.” If Twilight could grow any redder than she already was, she would have.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’ll have you know I go on dates all the time! You just haven’t caught me on one yet!

“No, it’s not–.”

“You have nothing to hide from me darling, I understand you’ve got needs, as we all do. I’ll forgive your neglect regarding our meeting this time, and the next.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Bang that stallion until he can’t move anymore!

After all, it does take us time to… to. Twilight?” Rarity had noticed Twilight’s distant look. She waved her hoof in front of her, receiving no response.

Doctor: Oh no, Twilight just went through the Blue Screen of Death!

“What in Equestria…?” The shower room door opened, catching Rarity’s attention. Her eyes burst out of her skull as she laid eyes upon… her Spikey Wikey.

Ditzy: That sounds painful.

The purple dragon rubbed his head with the towel, avoiding the scars that he’d reopened and softened with the water. He stopped as he noticed Rarity standing there, with a look of pure absence. It matched the same look Twilight possessed for unknown reasons.

Ditzy: I blame aliens.

He removed the towel from his head and held it in his hand.

“Twilight, you done goofed.” he said, thinking of nothing better that could soften the situation.

Doctor: You’re such a poet Spike.

Rarity broke her stance first, spouting gibberish to the tall figure before her.

All: Thdapwjeiofnva kasandsa fewsplevsjin Spike.

“Wh-bu-you… I-whe…How? When? I… Is that you Spikey Wikey?” Rarity was speechless at first and Spike cringed at the familiar nickname that he’d outgrown long ago.

Doctor: (Spike) I want to be called Spikey-boo!

He turned his gaze upon Twilight who had hung her head in readiness for what she knew was coming.

Doctor: Let me guess, Spike murders everyone.

“Yeah, it’s me. What of it?” Rarity was uncertain about the question.

Doctor: Hello to you too.

“W-well… um… you’re back, you came back. This is amazing.” she was beginning to presume things again, which pissed Spike off to no end.

Ditzy: (Spike) She wants to be my friend again? That harlot!

“I’m not staying.” Rarity had begun to move toward him, but stopped at the sound of his words.

“What? Why not? What happened to you?” The dragon growled at her which caused her to retreat back beside Twilight who hadn’t moved from her spot.

Ditzy: (Spike) Take your stupid kindness and love and go to Tartarus!

“I’m between homes right now. My visit is temporary. So let’s get one thing straight. I’ve no intention of coming home and picking up where I left off. I don’t want to be your friend, I don’t want to have anything to do with any of you.

Doctor: Ah, and that is why you flew all the way to Ponyville. Specifically to Twilight’s house. Instead of going to say, Pillydelphia, which was probably closer.

I’m just here to get cleaned up, heal my wounds

Doctor: By not doing anything to treat them whatsoever.

and them I’m out of here. No amount of hay fries or gems can change that.”

Ditzy: What if we threw in a diamond encrusted muffin? I know you like those.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears well up inside of her. Luckily, she was facing away from him so he couldn’t see. Rarity on the other hand was speechless and shedding tears visibly in front of him.

Ditzy: What the heck.

Doctor: He’s darknow. That means he needs to be a complete jerk to everyone who loves or tries to help him.

“But… Spike. Why did you leave in the first place?” The young dragon ignored the question and walked around her.

“I’m going for a walk to stretch my legs. Perhaps I’ll get a job so I can pay rent.” he said.

Ditzy: (Spike) Twilight has a ridiculous high downpayment.

Twilight turned her head away so he couldn’t see her face. As soon as the door closed, she took a deep breath and burst into tears.

Ditzy: And now he made Twilight cry! Is he going to start kicking puppies and baby seals next?

Rarity hurried over to her side and caught her as the violet mare’s legs failed her. She held her friend tightly, mixing her own tears with Twilight’s.

“That wasn’t Spike… that’s not the same dragon we know and love.

Ditzy: No...no he isn’t…

Doctor: Are you okay?

Ditzy: I’m fine...it’s just a story… Spike would never act like that.

Spike wandered the streets, ignoring the glances he received from the ponies who thought they recognised him.

Doctor: I can’t possibly see why they would recognize a purple dragon with green scales.

He made his way to the market district and searched each store for a ‘staff wanted’ sign. Nothing, not even Sugarcube Corner was hiring.

Ditzy: I can’t see how that would be a good idea.

The dragon growled in frustration.

Doctor: How darethey try to show him love and affection!

“Perhaps I can assist Twilight like I used to in exchange for tenancy back at the Library.” He crossed his arms and thought the whole thing through.

Doctor: I thought you wanted nothing to do with her.

Ditzy: Old habits die hard.

“No, that should be a last resort. I’m smarter than that. Assistant Librarian isn’t a good enough job title for me.

Ditzy: (Spike) I should be a Princess! ….wait...

Ah, what do I care? It’s only temporary. Though I’d rather not spend the majority of my time around Twilight.

Doctor: Screw one the closest things you have to family.

I can’t afford to have her dissuade from leaving again.” Spike sighed and made his way to the Town Hall.

Maybe Mayor Mare’s got something for me. She was always looking for helpers when I was around. Spike walked in the direction of the town hall. It was hard to miss. The clock tower gave it away instantly.

Doctor: (Clock Tower) Darnit!

“Why do they never improve upon historical landmarks?

Doctor: Be...cause it’s historical and needs to be preserved?

That clock should have broken before Twilight and I even moved here.”

Doctor: Spike is too stupid to understand the concept of regular maintenance.

he said as he noticed the dusty surface of the clock’s face. He made his way to the front entrance, only to walk into Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: It’s not Pinkie?

Doctor: Can’t wait for the scene when he makes her cry too.

“Hey, watch where you’re…” the turquoise Pegasus noticed the familiar purple scales and the design of his spines and frills.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I recognize the curves of those frills from anywhere. Spike is that you?

“Spike? My Celestia, you’re back. And you’re packin’ some serious scars.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) You look so awesome! How did you get them?

It’s good to see you again. How’ve you been?” Spike smiled for once. Rainbow Dash wasn’t the kind to get all teary-eyed over the past.

Doctor: Brag about the past however...

She was the type to quite literally pick up where they left off.

“Not too good, Dash. I think I made a mistake coming here. I should have stayed where I was.” Rainbow Dash shrugged.

Ditzy: Please tell me somepony smacks him. Hard.

“Well you’re here now. Might as well take care of any unfinished business you had when you left last time. I can tell you’re not here for keeps.”

Doctor: Right, his unfinished business of…um… alienating everyone that knows and loves him?

“Yeah… I think Twilight and Rarity will try to change that outcome though. And I don’t plan on rekindling the friendship with anypony. Sadly, that includes you.”

Ditzy: I don’t understand this. I get he is still upset with Twilight for...whatever, but why does that have to extend to everypony else?!

The Pegasus shrugged the comment off.

Doctor: If you really feel that way, why are you even here? Just leave for Canterlot or Manehatten.

“Whatever. It’s not my place to push your decision aside. We can be casual acquaintances, if you’d like.

Ditzy: That’s totally something Rainbow would say. Rainbow has always been perfectly fine with ponies abandoning their friends.

So what brings you to the town hall? Looking for the mayor?” Spike nodded.

“Yeah, I’m looking for some temporary work to keep me busy, and I’d rather not return to being Twilight’s assistant. You?”

“I just finished talking with her. I’ve placed an ad out for flyers. I’ve been named the Senior Manager of the ‘Weather Control Agency’.

Ditzy: What pony would be stupid enough to do that?

Doctor: Yeah, that is nothing that is going to end well.

And I’ve had to make improvements on the system,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Senior Managers get a 5 hour nap brake everyday!

which means letting a few of the staff go. I’m currently hiring.

Doctor: I see, removing political rivals and adding friends and supporters to gain total control.

It’s a shame you can’t fly. I think a dragon would make an awesome team mate

Ditzy: ...Dragons can’t cloudwalk or control the weather.

Doctor: He could work as an accountant or a secretary.

and perhaps a mascot.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) We could dress you up like me and show everypony how awesome I, er the weather team is .!

she began to laugh. Spike smiled and cracked his neck.

“Actually, I can fly.” Rainbow Dash stopped her laughing and looked at him.

Ditzy: Like he was an idiot.

“How?” Spike closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Unlike when he fought the gryphons, his eyes didn’t change colour and the purple mist didn’t appear. His scales remained as reflective as usual. A pink aura like Twilight’s magic emerged around his chest and a pair of wings sprouted from his back.

Doctor: (Laughing) Pink? Are we sure Spike is suppose to be a dark brooding bad boy loner?

Rainbow Dash stared wide eyed as the wings flapped once.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That..is..awesome!

“Uh, I think you did it wrong. They’re… upside-down.” Sure enough, Spike’s wings were the wrong way around. The wing membranes were at the top and the wing joints themselves were at the bottom.

Ditzy: (Spike) I, uh, meant to do that!

“No, they’re supposed to be like this. It works just as well as any other pair of wings. Plus it looks cooler.” he said, giving them another flap before folding them away. Rainbow Dash smiled.

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Laughing) You look ridiculous.

“Now that I think of it, yeah, it does look cooler. Normal wings buck the world, right?” she mused. Spike chuckled and nodded.

Ditzy: Wouldn’t it be a lot simpler and easier if your wings were the right way around.

Doctor: It does sound like a complete waste of effort and energy.

“Buck yeah.”

Doctor: So...is the author’s intention for us to totally loath Spike?

Ditzy: He is going to get better right? The Magic of Friendship will change him?

Doctor: For our sake, I hope so.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So what do you want to play next? I know! How about Hungry Hungry Hippos?” Ditzy asked.

The Doctor and Ditzy were debating what game to play next until dinner. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. He had no idea why Ditzy liked that game so much. She suggested playing it almost every day.

“No thank you. I would rather play something more…” The Doctor paused to think for a good word. “intellectual.”

“Clue?” Ditzy asked.

“Anything but that.” The Doctor rolled his eyes. The Doctor couldn’t believe that some people had the gall to call that a “deductive board game”.

The Doctor was glad Dinky caved in and let them have some games to play with. Unfortunately, they were only board and card games. Already the Doctor had played enough board and card games to last him several centuries. A month of this seemed too much to bear. The Doctor had to hand it to Dinky. She figured out a way to break him none of his enemies could have ever figured out, nonstop tedium and seclusion. Even Ditzy’s company was proving to be tiresome. He loved her to death, but this was too much. What made it worse was that Ditzy didn’t even seem to mind their situation much.

“I know! We should sing songs to pass time!” Ditzy interrupted the Doctor’s thoughts.

“No. I really don’t think that’s…”

“I thought a perfect one! It’s one Pinkie Pie likes to sing sometimes.” Ditzy cleared her throat.

“You gotta share

You gotta care

It's the right thing to do

You gotta share

You gotta care

And there'll always be a way through”

“Just three more weeks Doctor.” The Doctor thought to himself. “You can do this!”

“You’ll pay for this. I’M TRULY ANGRY… YOU SCUM!!!”

Episode 7 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 4

Hello again. Time for some more Darkness of Love... I have to warn you. This is the chapter where the infamous ‘self harm’ part happens. I felt it was a good idea to warn you ahead of time. It’s hard to make jokes when stuff like this happens. Honestly, even the thought of riffing this made me very uncomfortable. I think I did the best I could considering the circumstances. Also, this story made me a lot angrier than I thought it would. Anyway, on with the fic!

Special thanks to Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 7 - Part 1

“I’m sorry guys, but I’m just far too busy to join the Crusaders.” The gray violet unicorn filly with a golden mane still without her cutie mark said to a disappointed Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Awww.” The Cutie Mark Crusaders moaned in unison.

“Busy? With what?” Asked a rather perplexed Applebloom.

“Yeah Dinky. It’s like whenever we ask you to do anything with us you're always just too busy.” Said Scootaloo with slight suspicion in her voice.

“Um. Well…I…” Dinky froze. It would bad it the Crusaders got curious about her after school activities. She would have to think of the perfect lie to make them throw away any suspicions they might have. The Crusaders looked at her expectantly. “It’s..um..my parents. They are always so busy with work, so they need me to do chores around the house.”

“Every night?” Ask Sweetie Belle. “You don’t any time for fun at all?”

“Yes! And I’m running late right now!” Dinky said quickly before running off in the direction opposite of the Crusaders. “Bye!”

The Crusaders looked at each other baffled. Applebloom then notice something particular about the direction Dinky ran off to.

“Where she going? Nothin’ that way cept Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Something is weird about her.” Said Scootaloo in an accusatory tone.

Sweetie paused to think only to come to a conclusion that made the situation even more confusing. “Doesn’t she have a sister? I remember seeing her around with Dinky sometimes.”

“That’s right! And she came to the Parent-Teacher Conference last week!” Remembered Scootaloo. She thought it was strange at the time that Dinky’s sister went instead of her parents.

“How could she be so busy at home with chores that she and her sister don’t have any time fer fun?” Asked Applebloom. Even with how busy she and her siblings got at farm, they always had some time to play and have fun with their friends.

“That settles it! She’s hiding something!” Proclaimed Scootaloo while stomping a hoof.

“Yeah! They something darn suspicious about that pony.” Applebloom replied. “Think about. How much do we really know about her?”

“You’re right! She always clams up whenever she’s asked something about herself.” Scootaloo gave a conspiratorial look. “Like she’s got something to hide!”

“I don’t know guys. Maybe she’s just really shy.” Piped in Sweetie Belle wanting to be the voice of reason before things goes out of control.

“What if she’s a spy? Doing spy stuff after school!” Proclaimed Scootaloo confident that she’s solved this mystery.

“I think you’re right Scootaloo!” Applebloom said in stark realization. It all fit. The secretly, the mysterious sister, the lack of parents and home.

“I don’t know…” Said Sweetie Belle reluctantly. But the situation did seem mighty suspicious.

“What if she’s an alien sent to help take over Equestria!?” Scootaloo said in alarm.

“Or a changeling!” Pipped in Applebloom. Queen Chrysalis was still at large and no doubt wanted revenge on their sisters and friends.

“Then it’s our jobs as the Crusaders to get to the bottom of this!” Proclaimed Scootaloo. The other Crusaders agreed. Sweetie Belle thought they were making something out of nothing, but went along in part to clear Dinky’s name. Plus the Crusader knew this would be the perfect opportunity to finally get their Cutie Marks.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS INVESTIGATORS! YAY!”

“Phew. That was a close one.” Dinky thought to herself as she left the Crusaders. She couldn’t afford anypony catching on to her. Not when she was this close. She trotted up to a fence and pushed herself though it. She looked both ways. She had to be very careful not to be seen by any bystanders. She walked up to a hill that was made of rocks of various sizes and trotted up to one of its sides. She put her hoof in between two large rocks searching for a certain rock. Even though it was almost out of her reach, she found what she was look for and push it in. Dinky heard a slight rumbling sound. A small door opened in the ground next to her just small enough for a filly and she sneaked in.

Dinky walked down several plain grey corridors before coming to a door marked ‘Control Center’. She entered and was greeted by a computerized voice. “Greetings Mistress Dinky.”

“Hey Xander.” Dinky said walking up a chair perfect for the size of a filly like her and sat in it. The room was full of monitors with each one showing a different room of the facility. In front of Dinky’s chair was a large computer full of buttons and dials. “Status report.”

“No changes have been recorded since you have left.” Xander replied.

Dinky looked around at the many monitors that covered the main computer looking for her future parents. She found them on the monitor that displayed their room. They were playing cards again. The Doctor was trying to beat Ditzy at poker again… and failing. The Doctor was trying to keep a straight face but agitation was noticeable on his face. Dinky smiled at their antics.

“Have they been good?” Dinky asked while continuing to watch the monitor.

“They have not left their room all day Mistress Dinky.” Xander said.

Dinky was glad her parents were behaving themselves. Her father could be quite the troublemaker. Dinky remember that her mom scolded the Doctor severally for thing or another all the time. Like the time he accidentally almost burned down the house with one of his experiments.

Dinky frowned and felt a tinge of heartache. She missed her parents dearly. How long has it been since she felt her mother’s embrace? Her mom loved to give her hugs every day despite the embarrassment it often caused. Dinky sighed. She would give anything to be hugged again by her mother. He father may have been stern, but he had eyes of so much love and kindness. If you looked into those deep blue eyes of his, you could tell just how much he cared for her. It hurt so much to be so near to her parents yet so far away. They were her parents, yet they were not. Dinky felt like crying sometimes.

Dinky steeled her resolve. They might not be the parents she remembered, but they will be. All they needed was the right push. The biggest obstacle was her mother’s affection for Twilight’s assistant Spike. Where they feeling came from, Dinky had no clue. Dinky was certain if she got rid of these feelings, everything would go on the path it should be on. This fic would be the perfect tool to remove any feelings she had for the baby dragon. It turned Spike into everything her mom hated, and would taint her image of Spike. Xander predicted there would be a 98.592 percent chance of success.

“Five minutes until next experiment.” Xander reminded Dinky pulling her out of her thoughts.

She watched her parents leave their room for the main meeting room. “Showtime.” Dinky thought to herself. She moved herself to a microphone that was sticking out of a part of the console and waited for her parents to get to the main meeting room before speaking.

“Hello my little test subjects.” Dinky said in the microphone. “How are you today?”

She watched her father wave his hoof in the air vaguely before speaking. “Fine, considering the circumstances.” He said flatly.

“Just fine thank you.” Her mother said happily.

“That’s good. Today’s experiment is ‘The Darkness of Love’ by Grimm Reaper chapters four to six.”

“At least we’ll get the story done quickly.” Her father grumbled. Her mom nodded also not looking too happy.

“Enjoy.” Dinky gave her best evil laugh. This was her favorite part. It was such fun. If you are going to play the part of a villain, you might as well go all the way. She also thought it made her sound really fearsome and terrifying.

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After having accepted a job with Rainbow Dash, Spike realised what he had done.

Ditzy: That he has a job he can’t really do anything in?

Doctor: That Rainbow Dash can boss him around as much as she wants now?

He’d done exactly what he said he wouldn’t do and became friends again with Rainbow Dash.

All:Dear Celestia the horror!

“Shit!” he said to himself as he wandered around the old town.

Ditzy: (Spike) What?! They closed down Saddlebags and Sandwiches? They was my favorite restaurant!

He passed by the Apple family farm and noticed that everything had recently been repaired.

“Looks like the boss has been trying stunts again.” he mused.

Doctor: (Spike) I thought she would have given up on that Wonderbolt fantasy years ago!

Looking beyond the housing, he noticed the enlarged yard, where more apple trees grew, some smaller than the others. They’ve expanded. He thought, walking on before Applejack, Big Mac or worst of all, Applebloom showed up. Thinking he’d heard the familiar sounds of the Crusaders,

Doctor: Something about Cutie Mark Crusaders Astronauts.

Spike hurried his pace, finding himself going toward Fluttershy’s home.

Doctor: (Spike) Maybe I can make her cry. That should be fun!

“Damn it!” he muttered as he realised this too late.

Doctor: If you want to avoid seeing your old friends, it might be a good idea to not go where they live.

Fluttershy had just stepped out of her front door. She took one look at the dragon, yipped in fear and shot back inside with the slamming of the door. Spike sighed.

“She hasn’t changed.”

Ditzy: (Spike) Why can’t she be more like me!?

he was about to proceed away from the area before the familiar voice called out from behind the door.

Ditzy: (Spike) Iron Will? What are you doing here?

“Spike? I-is that you?” Fluttershy’s voice was so timid, it was unmistakably her that had spoken. Spike felt trapped. He couldn’t just push Fluttershy away given her gentle nature,

Doctor: Really? That hasn’t really been a problem before.

Ditzy: Really Spike? You actually considered using your charmon her too?

Doctor: At least he has...some standards?

but he didn’t want her to become attached to him again. So he did the only thing he could think of.

Doctor: He punched her in face and laughed at her!

He walked on, pretending not to have heard her.

To Spike’s surprise, Pinkie was nowhere in sight. He half expected her to bounce out of his bowl of gems that morning, or appear out of the shower head, being as weird as she was.

Doctor: It didn’t happened because you expected it.

Perhaps she mellowed?

Doctor; (Spike) Maybe she’s taking medication now?

he thought as he stopped in front of Sugarcube Corner once more. He could feel his stomach rumbling as he’d interrupted his own breakfast that Twilight had made. As he thought back, he realised that he’d made a mistake.

Doctor: Again? Are you sureyou don’t want to see your old friends again?

But it was no use looking back. He had to keep looking forward; focus on the here and now, and right now, he was hungry. He stepped through the doorway into the shop.

Ditzy: You could just go to the cafe next door…

Doctor: Spike isn’t exactly good at using his head.

To his surprise, Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. He first saw Pound and Pumpkin Cake, chasing each other through the room. Mrs Cake quickly put a stop to their play as she entered the room.

Ditzy: Any sign of joy or happiness might set Spike off.

“Oh… Spike? Is that you? My, you’ve grown. We thought you’d left Ponyville. Pinkie was pretty upset about it. She thought she’d done something to upset you. Her exact words were indecipherable, but we could tell she blamed herself.” Spike huffed with amusement.

Ditzy: (Spike) Pinkie’s pain amuses me!

“I got back last night. It’s only a temporary stay.

Doctor: So you keep saying.

Thought I’d come and visit for old time’s sake.” he lied. Although he had wandered around the town for nostalgic reasons.

Ditzy: So...you weren’t lying then?

“What can I get for you today, love?” Mrs Cake asked. Spike took out a small handful of bits he’d taken from the pile of treasure his group had formed in a pit beneath the wooden chair he sat upon.

Ditzy: They did have treasure?

Doctor: Not much it seems.

“I think I’ll try… one of Pinkie’s cupcakes. The flavours have always agreed with me.” he replied.

Doctor: To each your own, I can’t stand them myself.

Ditzy: Really?

Doctor: Yes. If I wanted to eat something that sweet, I might as well just dump a bag of sugar in my mouth.

Mrs Cake smiled and grabbed a cupcake from the tray. She placed it on top of a napkin and handed it to the young dragon who in turn gave her the bits it cost.

Ditzy: (Mrs Cake) Hey! These are counterfeit!

With a single motion, he tossed the cupcake in his mouth, closed it, mashed it up with his tongue and swallowed the lot. A smile made its way onto his lips.

Doctor: It’s a sign of the end times!

Ditzy: Tartarus is freezing over!

“They’re just as good as I remember. Where is Pinkie, anyway?” Mrs Cake smiled and pointed to Twilight’s Library.

“She said she was going to talk to Twilight about something important. She said something about her ‘Pinkie Senses’ tingling.” Spike looked out to the Library and frowned.

Doctor: A piano could fall on him at any minute.

Ditzy: That was only one time! One time!

“Perhaps I should check it out. Much as it would pain me.”

Ditzy: (Spike) Who are I kidding? I’m enjoying every minute of their suffering!

“Why dearie?” Spike hesitated. He knew that the Cakes could keep a secret, but was it worth telling her?

“Okay, I’m gonna level with you. I made a big mistake leaving in the first place, but I can’t just go back and pretend like nothing’s happened.

Doctor: As we all know, Twilight and her friends have never been that forgiving.

I left to sort some things out in my head, but it was too late to come back.

Doctor: (Spike) Through some wacky misadventures I gained a crew a misfit dragons.

I’d made some friends and the whole thing got complicated.”

Ditzy: (Spike) My dragon allies felt a strong sense of loyalty towards me despite my tendency to kill one them whenever I got annoyed.

“What did you have to sort through?” Spike looked away. He’d decided to tell her a partial truth behind his leaving, but what the truth was still eluded her.

Ditzy: (Spike) All I can tell you is that it involved a gorilla suit.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all in the past. I have plans for the future, and they’re not a part of it, much as I might wish they were.” Mrs Cake didn’t press any further than that. She could see in his eyes that she wouldn’t get anything more from him. Whatever his secret was, he was determined to keep it. She believed for a moment that he’d break a Pinkie Promise to keep that very secret, and take it to his grave.

Ditzy: ...That’s not a good idea Spike.

Doctor: Like he has had one this entire story.

“Why don’t you go and see what’s up, dear? You may discover something that will help you decide once and for all what you should do.” She left the room, taking her foals with her. Spike remained where he was, staring out at the tree that was once his home, his sanctuary and refuge.

All: Sanctuary!

“The least I can do is to make sure that my problems don’t get them hurt.” he whispered and he made for the door.

Ditzy: Wait...You don’t want to hurt them!?

Doctor: I guess emotionally traumatizing them isn’t that big of a deal.

“Gosh, Twi. That doesn’t sound at all like the Spike we all used to know an’ love. You sure the dark magic ain’t fried his brain or somethin’?” Applejack removed her hat to rub the top of her head.

Ditzy: That’s my best guess.

Doctor: It makes the most sense.

“I’m sure, AJ. Spike’s just… he’s outgrown us. Prolonged exposure to his kind’s ways have left him… distant toward ponies. He gave Rarity the cold shoulder, and we all know how he used to feel about her. She was right, that isn’t the same Spike we all knew.”

Ditzy: He could just be robot duplicate. It makes a lot more sense.

All six ponies were sitting around in a circle,

Doctor: Pinkie decided they should play Duck, Duck, Goose to cheer everyone up.

having heard the news from Rainbow Dash about his return.

“I dunno, he seemed fine to me.” said Pegasus replied.

All: (Facehoofs)

“And the poll isn’t in your favour, Dash.” Spike opened the door, having overheard the conversation.

Doctor: You need to campaign more. Visiting people across the country usually helps.

“Twilight’s right. I’m done playing pony.

Ditzy: (Spike) I want to be a donkey now!

My stay here is only temporary after all, which I’m sure I’ve repeated to at least three of you more than once.

Doctor: (Groans) And I’m sure we are going to hear it again at least 50 more times.

On weekends, I’ll be searching for a new place to stay. Maybe somewhere up North. No, the Crystal Empire is there. West then, beyond Canterlot or Neighagra Falls.” The six ponies looked at the dragon as he walked in. Spike noticed immediately that Twilight’s eyes were puffy, indicating she’d been crying.

Ditzy: Poor Twilight.

Doctor: No doubt it won’t stop Spike spitting in her face.

“Been chopping onions, have you?” he asked. Twilight rose to her hooves and ran straight into her room, locking the door behind her.

Doctor: Remember folks, he’s looking out for her.

Ditzy: Buck you Spike! You don’t deserve wonder friends like them!

“How can you be so cruel to her?” Applejack demanded.

“Buck you, that’s how.” The purple dragon smiled as the orange farm pony rose to her hooves, ready to charge.

All: Fight! Fight! Fight!

“Why you ungrateful little…” Fluttershy quickly went to Applejack’s side and began to persuade her out of fighting him.

Ditzy: Buck his face in!

“Please, don’t fight, guys. We’re all friends here.” she replied.

“Yes, you all are. However, I’ve severed my link to you five. We’re not friends, Rainbow Dash knows this.” The rainbow Pegasus avoided eye contact with everypony in the room.

“Yeah…” she replied, sheepishly.

Ah can’t believe you hired this jerk. Ah’m goin’ home.” Applejack stormed out of the Library, dragging Fluttershy along the wooden floor. Spike grinned at the display and called out to the farm pony.

Ditzy: (Spike) I didn’t know you to were a couple now.

“Eat me, don’t forget to write.” he shut the door just as Applejack was about to charge him. The thud could be heard from inside, followed by the pained cursing of one of his oldest and dearest friends, now just one less pony to care about.

Doctor: Looking out for his friends’ well being!

“Now that was very rude, Spike.” Rarity spoke up.

Ditzy: (Rarity) You’re nothing but a brute now!

“Quite the keen eye you have there, for such a drama queen. But I wouldn’t expect less from a filly who plays dress-up with live ponies.” He began a sadistic chuckle as he opened the door for Rarity to run crying out of the Library. That just Left Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: (Spike) Should I set their hair on fire? That would be hilarious!

“So, who you gonna attack next, Spike?” Dash asked. The dragon gave the matter some thought.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I’m starting to question the way you are treating my friends!

“Well I can’t very well insult my boss, and Pinkie’s pretty much faultless, aside from the creepy ability she possesses of popping up wherever and whenever she wants…” As Spike searched for a fault Pinkie possessed that he could assault her with, she’d already begun crying and left the Library through the closet door.

Ditzy: Is it possible for Spike to sink any lower?

Doctor: Aside from killing them? I don’t think so.

“I didn’t even think of anything that would cause her to cry.” he said, holding out his arms in disbelief. Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves and walked right up to Spike, showing no aggression, despite her history and personality.

Ditzy: Even the story is pointing out how OOC this is!

“I don’t know what’s causing you to forcibly lose your friends, Spike, but I suggest you get over it. You may just end up an addition to the Princesses’ garden right next to Discord.” Spike grinned as she walked past him to the door.

Doctor: (Spike) Do you think I could get my own personal spot in the garden?

“Are you sure the elements will work with hatred in their hearts?” Rainbow Dash paused and looked back to him. The truth behind his words surprised her.

Ditzy: Um, didn’t they have hatred in their hearts when they fought Discord? Especially considering what he did to them.

“More to the point, are you sure Twilight would allow that to happen?” Rainbow Dash closed the door and faced him once again.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Given the way you have been acting lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did!

“Why wouldn’t she?” she demanded.

“Think, Dash. Use that brain of yours. It needs exercise just as much as the rest of you does.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Uh, Spike. I’m a straight ‘A’ student. At fight camp I was valedictorian.

Twilight and I have a history that transcends all the years you girls have known her. Our bond is stronger than the Princesses’ bond with each other. She made me.

Doctor: (Spike) And that is why I’m perfectly fine with abusing Twilight to push her away.

And while Twilight’s will is unbreakable when it comes to protecting Equestria from danger, if I’m no threat to it or its inhabitants, then Twilight will not be able to go through with sealing me away like Discord. She can’t do that to Family; she doesn’t have that kind of resolve.

Ditzy: She will if you keep pushing her.

The worst she can do is send me away, which isn’t that big a deal for me.” Rainbow Dash was speechless. She thought it through and she knew he was right. Either way, he won. The Elements of Harmony were useless against an opponent who isn’t a threat to Equestria.

Ditzy: You are overlooking one thing Spike, Fluttershy. When she finally gets fed up with you, you will be in a corner crying!

“But don’t worry. I’ll be out of your manes soon enough.” He then proceeded to grab Rainbow Dash by the head and kiss her forehead. She drew back into the door, shocked by his action. Spike just laughed at her and turned to go and do his own thing.

Ditzy: (Spike) She totally wants me now. Mares love badboys!

Twilight heard the whole thing. She herself played Spike’s reasoning out in her head, and judged him correct in every aspect. She couldn’t banish him to a stone prison like Discord.

Ditzy: Really? I would do it in a heartbeat!

Doctor: (Nods)

Their bond was deeper than that. Or at least, it was on one side of the bond. She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes were red and her mane was out of place yet again.

Doctor: She came up with a wonderful plan. If Spike isn’t willing to stay, then she will just have to changethat.

She looked how Spike seemed to act: insane. She began to go over her journal entries, mainly the ones involving Spike. She used to write about him a lot when they first met. He was the latest thing when she was a filly.

Ditzy: Ponies spent hour and hour in line just to get one.

As she read through every journal entry she’d made regarding Spike, she found herself reading under the moonlight. She looked up at the night sky, wondering where the day went. It felt like only a few hours ago since shed entered the room.

Doctor: Much like any study night.

“A night as black as his heart and a moon as empty as mine. I wonder if our bond allows him to feel what I feel? I guess not. I can’t feel what he’s feeling. I feel so… alone.”

Doctor: That is some terrible poetry.

Twilight zoned out. Her body moved on its own to the bedside table. It took hold of the mug from last night and threw it on the floor.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Take that Spike’s favorite mug!

The smashing sound was loud and it caught the ear of the thing that pained her the most.

Ditzy: Since a piece of mug hit him there.

“Twilight?” he called out. She didn’t respond. No, it was more like she couldn’t respond. She wanted to, but her body didn’t do what she wanted it to. She watched as she took hold of a broken bit of the mug and began to press it against the area just above the back of her hoof. She could feel the pain, but her body kept forcing the ceramic shard to go in further, further, further. Blood trickled out of her like a pinprick in a plastic bag full of water.

Ditzy: ...Oh no…

Doctor: Please tell me she’s not...

She couldn’t stand the pain, but her body refused to give her control. She heard the casual steps of her dragon and saw the bright light from the fully lit Library as he opened the door.

“HOLY HELL! WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA ARE YOU DOING?!” he shouted at her, running to her side. He forced her down. Her body squirmed under him as he gently pulled the ceramic shard out of her hoof with his teeth. He activated his dark magic and growled at the roll of bandages that were in the emergency medical box in the drawer beside his bed. The roll came over, covered in a dark aura that flashed purple lightning and bubbled green. He forced it to wrap around her hoof and sealed it with a pin.

“What are you trying to do? Have you gone mad? What the hell was that?”

Doctor: See Spike, this is what happens when you treat other like toys. You can’t just treat others like trash and expect no consequences, especially when they love and care about you. Even being mildly rude to someone can ruin their day. People are more fragile than you realize. Sometimes it only takes a small push, a bad day to break someone. I hope you're happy Spike. This is all your fault!

Ditzy: (Sniffs) Poor Twilight.

Spike released her from his grip, but she just sat up and crawled into his arms, shaking like a scared little filly. Despite his wariness of the position he had been placed in, he held her. His mind raced with possibilities as to why she’d done this.

Ditzy: Whose fault do you think it is you bucking piece of scum!?

“Twilight… are you suicidal?” she didn’t reply, but just let out a whimper. She squeezed him tightly and buried her face into his chest. The poor mare was shivering, just as confused by her actions and her inability to stop herself as he was.

“Don’t tell me I caused this? This is the last thing I want.”

All: Really?!

Doctor: So driving your friends to the pit of despair wasn’t your intention?

He looked down at Twilight, remembering all the times she had smiled at him, all the times shed played the role of big sister. Now it was his turn to play the role of big brother.

Doctor: (Coldly) I think you have done enough Spike.

Ditzy: You are the worse big brother ever!

Damn, I’m stuck here now. I can’t leave when she’s like this.

Doctor: It’s about time you show some conscience!

Ditzy: You’re still thinking about leaving!? After all of this!?

Episode 7 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 5

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 7 - Part 2

Time had always been a symptom of the dangers Spike and his friends had faced, ever since Nightmare Moon. Time always moved forward, like a wave, never turning back unless hit against a wall.

Doctor: No, time is an ever flowing river. Never straight or narrow, able to diverge but still staying on the same path more or less.

But for Spike, a wall was out of the question.

Ditzy: Um, is this going to involve time travel?

His wave had faded out in the vast mass of water that was solitude.

Ditzy: I’m not really getting the metaphor here.

No longer could he continue to act so carelessly around Twilight.

Doctor: Yeah, maybe that was a bad idea.

Ditzy: Hopefully not only to Twilight.

Or perhaps she was the proverbial wall? Yes, Spike had hit a wall; his oldest friend.

Ditzy: It left him a bloody stain.

The knowledge that she could kill herself if he’d left her again grounded him. And now he had to deal with five very upset mares, not to mention their families and three very vengeful ‘Crusaders’.

Ditzy: Hopefully it will lead to a lynching!

Spike sighed as the predicament struck him like a lightning bolt. He’d managed to calm Twilight down with his special brew of hot chocolate,

Ditzy: AKA liquor.

which she’d spilled the first time when she took it with her bad hoof.

Doctor: He didn’t take her to the hospital?

She wouldn’t be walking or reading books for a while.

Doctor: Please, having all her limbs and her horn broken wouldn’t stop Twilight from reading.

The two of them were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. Spike had leant himself against the couch with Twilight leaning against him. He remembered a time he could do this without the couch sliding along the floor against his mass.

Doctor: Causing him to fall off, hit his head, and break his head open. The End.

“Every time…” he began, catching her attention. She looked at him with swollen red eyes and a worried expression.

Ditzy: Oh no. He’s going to make a speech!

“Every time something seems to go bad for you, you always end up getting what you want. You wanted to find the Elements of Harmony, you became them. You wanted your friends to get over their differences when facing Discord, you made it happen. You tried to cancel your brother’s wedding, the bride was fake and you rescued the real one so he could marry her. You wanted nothing more than to pass the test Celestia gave you in the Crystal Empire, you sacrificed that goal so I could save an empire and you ended up passing your test because of it. The list goes on. If luck was an Element of Life, it’d be you, Twi.”

Ditzy: Not really. She’s friends with you.

Twilight smiled at him and nuzzled his chest. She abandoned the hot chocolate and cuddled with him.

Doctor: Causing it to fall on Spike’s lap.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Spike, you don’t have to stay.” Spike huffed in annoyance.

“Yes, I do. I owe you that much, after everything you’ve done for me.”

Ditzy: Now you care? Really?

Doctor: You’re not going to give him the benefit of the doubt, are you?

Ditzy: Never!

“What have I done? I’ve worked you to the bone, acted like a slave driver, used you in magical experiments, like with the moustache.”

Doctor: The moustache experiments still give Spike nightmares.

“You gave me life, food, a place to sleep, love. You taught me the differences between right and wrong,

Doctor: Which you haven’t used almost the entirestory!

Ditzy: Where was your sense of right and wrong when you killed that blue dragon guy for no reason?

you taught me how to read and write.

Doctor: (Spike) I ran a Dragon Book Club for the last few years.

And if it weren’t for those experiments, I never would have gained the ability to harness the magic that hatched me.

Ditzy: So...that is why he can use black magic?

Doctor: Through experimentation, mild mannered Spike the Dragon gain super powers and became the lone vigilante… Humdrum!

Besides, I liked the moustache.” he chuckled. Twilight giggled as his comment and his scales both tickled her in different ways.

Doctor: Tickle Me Twilight.

“It’s good to have you home though, Spike.” she said. Spike felt a familiar pang in his heart. One he’d spend the day trying to eliminate.

Doctor: Spike’s heart grew three sizes that day.

“Twi…I’m not staying. I’m just going to help you get back on your hooves as it were. When you no longer need me, then I’m gone. Nothing’s changed except for the length of my stay. I’m simply repaying a debt.” Even Spike didn’t believe what he’d said. His voice betrayed the sincerity of his words.

Ditzy: So we are stuck with him?

Doctor: Unfortunately.

“At least… for now.” he added. Twilight squeezed him tightly and fell asleep. With a heavy but silent sigh, Spike wrapped his arms around her and hoisted her up into the air. He carried her to her room and gently placed her down on her bed. He picked up the small shards of the mug and held them in his hand. He removed a hair from one of them and then proceeded to swallow them all down.

Ditzy: Um, okay….

Doctor: Dragons make excellent garbage disposals.

“Not as good as gems, but still high in fibre.” He looked down to Twilight once more and brushed a lock of her mane from her face.

Ditzy: (Spike) Ugh, this love and affection is really getting to me. I know! I’ll kick Fluttershy to make up for it!

Don’t do anything stupid before I get back.

Doctor: Too late, she’s friends with you.

I’d hate to have to explain this to your friends.” he picked up a quill and wrote on a small piece of paper.

I’m going out.

Will be back before

morning. Don’t do

anything stupid.

Spike

Doctor: Don’t do anything stupid. Yes, I’msure that will deter a suicidal person.

He left the note on the bedside table and closed the bedroom door behind him.

“I’ve got more blood on my hands than I care for.” he said, looking at the recently cleaned claws that were his hands.

Ditzy: This is coming from a guy that randomly killed his friends for annoying him?

Applejack paced her room, still steaming over what Spike had said to her.

“Buck me? BUCK ME? That little shit thinks he’s invincible now he’s gone and grown twice my height. Well Ah’ll teach him. Y’all don’t mess with the Apple family and get away with it.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Time for an old fashion Apple Family Licking!

Ah don’t care how Twilight feels about it, Ah’m gonna deck him the next time Ah see him. Ah don’t care if he feels it or not, it’ll be a great stress reliever.”

Ditzy: Good idea! Somepony should patent that!

She stomped her hoof on the floor, rattling the wood around her. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door. The orange mare calmed down and descended the stairs from her room to answer it. To her surprise and slight satisfaction, it was Spike.

Doctor: (Spike) Applejack? Perfect, just the mare I wanted to…

Ditzy: (Applejack) It’s about time I give what’s comin to ya’.

Doctor: (Spike) What? No! Argh! Dear Celestia! Mercy please!

“Well, well. If it ain’t the Apple bucker, figuratively speakin’.” she said. Spike said nothing to that as he looked at the Library behind him which could just be made out in the distance.

Ditzy: Giving Applejack the perfect opportunity to beat the stuffing out of him.

“Let’s not beat around the bush… figuratively speaking.” he said.

“Yeah, let’s not.” Applejack turned around and prepared to buck him with her hind legs. As she went to take a powerful kick at him, she felt two large claws grip her hind hooves.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Will we ever see Spike get exactly what he deserves?

“Why you-WOAH!” Spike dragged her out of the house and threw her across the front yard. She managed to land on her hooves and prepared to charge the dragon.

Doctor: (Spike) That was totally uncalled for! What did I ever do?

“You’re not getting’ away with this, Spike.” she declared.

Ditzy: (Spike) Of course I will! The author is on my side!

“Hit me all you want after I’ve said what I came here to say.” he replied, sitting down where he was.

Doctor: Can we hold you to that?

This caught Applejack off guard, but she didn’t buy it. She charged him, fully intent to at least give him a lump. She reared her head forward and tried to ram him bull-style, but she heard a sigh before she was grabbed by the head and lifted into the air.

Ditzy: This is so stupid.

“Woah! Hey, put me down, that’s not fair now!” she yelled at him.

“Not until you agree to listen to me first. Like I said, you can buck me up till I’m black and blue after that.” he said. Applejack growled at him, but ultimately agreed to the terms.

Doctor: It was known as the Ponyville Treaty of 1007 C.R.

“So what you wanna talk about? Or are you gonna say some fancy stuff that’ll really make me wanna pound ya?” Spike clasped his hand around Applejack’s mouth, sighing in frustration.

Doctor: Gee. You berate someone and her friends all day and suddenly she’s aggressive towards you.

“I’m on a deadline here, AJ. Shut up and listen.”

Ditzy: (Spike) The post office closes in an hour.

Applejack, though annoyed, complied with his request. With the silence eerie between them, Spike prepared his lie.

“As you well know by now, I couldn’t give the furry crack of a rat’s behind about any of you anymore,” he began. Applejack shifted in her place, itching to take a swing at him.

Ditzy: That didn’t last very long.

Doctor: I am so glad Twilight’s well being is in his claws.

“But I feel I owe a debt to Twilight for bringing me into this world. Which is why I’m going to help her. But I need your help as well.” Applejack rubbed her head in confusion.

“Ah don’t see the… urgency you seem to give this conversation, Spike. Hurry up and gimme the details.” she said. Spike growled at her.

Ditzy: (Spike) I was getting to that! Don’t interrupt!

“Fine. I caught Twilight trying to kill herself earlier tonight.” Applejack rose to her hooves and backed away.

“W-what? No, she wouldn’t. Why would she try to kill herself?” Spike looked at her.

“Why do you think? I left her. I abandoned her. She’s obviously been talking herself out of it up until tonight. My coming back has made things worse,

All: Has it ever!

especially after I treated her and all of you like shit. I can’t leave until she’s in the right frame of mind. And I’m sure you want me gone as much as I want to go, but in order to do that, we need to work toge–.”

Doctor: (Applejack) No Spike! I think you’ve gone and done enough. Leave. Now!

“Ah don’t want you to go Spike… Ah just wanna know what’s gotten you so angry. Why did you leave?” The conversation ended there.

Doctor: How many times must we be reminded that he doesn’t want to talk about his past?

Ditzy: Honestly, now seems like a good time to come clean.

“You’d rather hear why I left than hear the plan I have to save Twilight from herself? Maybe I should have gone to the Element of Loyalty instead.”

Doctor: You have a plan? No thank you. I think we’re better off just getting professional help.

“Ah wanna know what caused you to do this to Twilight. Ah think if she knew, she might feel better. Or at the very least, not suicidal.” Spike saw logic in her idea, but he was not going to give up that information. But he could partially sate her thirst for it.

Ditzy: Come on! What is so important that not even this will make him spill it?

“I left because of my own stupidity. I won’t say more than that.

Doctor: At least tell us something that isn’t completely obvious.

Look, are you gonna help me or not?” Applejack couldn’t refuse this request. If it was to save Twilight, then she’d team up with Discord if she had to.

Doctor: Why can’t the story be aboutthat instead?

Ditzy: Because it would actually be entertaining?

“Alright. It’s a deal. Now about that other deal we had…” Spike rose to his feet.

Ditzy: And ran for the hills.

“Yeah, later.” he said. Applejack stood there, stunned for a second.

“Hey! You said Ah could beat you senseless when we were done.” she called out.

Ditzy: I’m sure it would give the story plenty of upvotes.

Spike turned around and continued to walk backward with a smile and his arms outstretched.

Ditzy: (Spike) Give me a hug you silly pony.

“You’re the Element of Honesty, not me.” he then proceeded to run away, prompting Applejack to chase after him. To their joint surprise, they both found themselves laughing as they chased each other through Ponyville, waking the neighbourhood.

Doctor: (Applejack laughing) You silly hayseed! I’m going to be break your skull in and spill your brains all over the road!

Ditzy: (Spike laughing) Not if you don’t catch me!

“Uh-oh. Spike, we’re in trouble now.” she said, abandoning her goal and galloping alongside him.

“So we are. I think I hear one of them saying’ raise your torch and pitchforks’.” he replied, prompting a laugh from the farm pony. She looked back and yelped in surprise.

Ditzy: Even the random extras want Spike gone.

“Oh boy, they really do have torches and pitchforks.”

Doctor: Don’t be silly. You can’t have an angry mob without torches and pitchforks.

The two picked up their pace and laughed together as they tried to flee from the tired and angry mob.

Ditzy: Did I miss something? Why is there an angry mob?

Doctor: Did the author forget to write a few paragraphs?

Spike noticed what he was doing and barked a single laugh.

“What am I thinking?” he yelled out. Using his magic, he grew his wings, their structure reversed like before.

Ditzy: (Spike) Don’t laugh! It’s cool darnit!

He took to the air, hovering above Applejack.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, AJ.” he said, grabbing her from around the stomach.

Doctor: (Spike) I wanted to leave you here to be brutally lynch by the mob, but that would make Twilight upset.

She yelped in surprise as she was lifted into the air. Not far, but their speed doubled.

Ditzy: The speed has been double!

“You might wanna hold on tight.” Spike said, turning her around. Applejack wrapped her hooves around his neck and her hind legs around just below the wing joints. Spike made a sharp left turn and flew straight for two blocks, then he made another left turn.

Ditzy: Crashing into a glass panel two ponies were carrying.

“This is like NASCARRIAGE.” Applejack called out above the howl of the wind.

Ditzy: Er. What?

“NAS-what?”

Doctor: Oh, of course. NASCAR only with carriages.

“It’s a race with carriages. But the only direction they go is left.” Spike laughed as he made another left turn.

Doctor: Congratulations for the most obvious NASCAR joke ever.

Then he kept true towards the Apple farm, bypassing the angry crowd who were two blocks away, going in the opposite direction. Spike grinned as he felt the wind whip his face.

Ditzy: Until he saw half of the mob flying behind them.

“You know, I think I get why Dash likes flying so much. It’s a great feeling to have the wind on your face and your body gets cool which cancels out the heat you feel when you exert yourself.” he said. Applejack just bunched herself up closer to him, trying to keep the cold from freezing her mane off.

“Ah don’t know about you, but Ah feel like I’m in the Northern Mountains right now.” Spike slowed his flight and descended upon the farm. He made for a gentle landing and he released Applejack as his wings were absorbed back into his body.

“Y’know, Spike. Ah don’t think your reason for leavin’ us was good enough.

Doctor: I don’t think anyone thinks that.

And Ah’m not entirely sure you are either.

Ditzy: I’m not sure even the author knows.

Y’all could up and leave now you’ve told me Twilight’s on the verge of killin’ herself, but you won’t go. You’ll stay because you still care about us. Now, no matter what you say or do, you won’t change my mind. Ah’ll let the others know the situation with Twilight in the mornin’. You’d best get some rest. Ya’ll look like you haven’t slept in days.” Applejack hugged the purple dragon and then gave him a light punch on the shoulder.

Doctor: (Spike whining) Don’t hit me! (whimpers)

“We had our conversation, and that was my beatin’. Wear it with pride.”

Ditzy: Because Celestia knows you deserve worse.

she then turned around and went back into her home, leaving Spike to return home.

As he approached the front door to the Library, the realisation that he’d just regained his friendship with Applejack and that it was more solid than ever, hit him.

Doctor: (Spike) Accursed friendship! Why must you taunt me so?!

“Shit!”

Doctor: (Spike) I know! I’ll burn down half of Sweet Apple Acres! That’ll fix this situation!

Episode 7 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 6

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 7 - Part 3

Spike awoke with a somewhat good feeling. Perhaps it was the fact that his wounds weren't hurting as much? Or perhaps it was simply one of those days where you feel good.

Ditzy: It must be the Happy Virus.

The young dragon stretched his body, feeling the popping of the joints as he forced his way out of the bed at the same time. He looked over to the still sleeping mare and groaned.

Ditzy: (Spike) What I do last night?

“Well, there goes my mood.” he said, noticing the bandage around her hoof. He looked out to the window, watching the sun rise slowly into the sky. He hurried over and closed the curtains, wanting to avoid waking her just yet.

Ditzy: Spike is acting unusually nice.

Doctor: Just give him a few minutes.

“I won’t let you kill yourself, Twilight. No matter what.” he silently paced across the room, opened the door and closed it behind him very gently. He looked at the unkempt Library and huffed.

Ditzy: And started cleaning unable to resist his assistant instincts.

“She really has slipped over the years. How could they not have noticed this before?” Spike frowned as he jumped off the ledge, landing

Ditzy: Right into the coffee table.

next to the mug Twilight had abandoned the previous night. He picked it up and carried it into the kitchen. His eyes widened at the state of the place.

“What in the name of Celestia went on in here? It’s like Dresden.” he said.

Doctor: (Facehoofs) That metaphor doesn’t work! Spike isn’t from that version of Earth!

He stepped through the cluttered pile of rubbish that had collected and tried his best to avoid touching the mouldy dishes that were stacked to the roof. He heard something making pig-like noises behind the cupboards.

Ditzy: Oh no! Some moldy food mutated into a new life form!

Without warning, something grabbed him by the wrist and tightened around him. A strange tentacle-like thing pulled him towards the rubbish, while another reached out and grabbed his neck, pulling him in the opposite direction.

Doctor: Well that was unexpected.

Ditzy: I really don’t think Spike is going to like where this is headed.

Spike began to scream as tentacles of all kinds wrapped themselves around him and began to drag him into the mess of filth that was the state of the kitchen.

Ditzy: Spike became a Japonese School Filly.

Spike awoke once more, gasping for air. His sudden start roused Twilight from her own slumber.

“Mm, what’s going on?” she asked irritably.

Ditzy: (Twilight) And why does the bed smell?

Spike ran to the door and hopped over the stairwell to examine the kitchen. Sure enough, it was as clean as ever. He walked back up the stairs and sighed at Twilight.

Ditzy: (Spike) That’s the last time I eat leftover hayfries before bed.

“Weird dream.” he replied.

Ditzy: I wonder what Sighoof Freud would say about it.

Twilight groaned and threw the covers over her head. Spike chuckled and closed the door again, descending the stairs. He made his way back into the kitchen and prepared breakfast. By the time he was done, Twilight emerged, groggily.

“Damn, I was gonna give you breakfast in bed, like you did for me. I never thanked you for that, did I?” Twilight gave him an unamused look.

Doctor: (Twilight) Really Spike? You think breakfest in bed and a few kind words are going to change everything that happened yesterday?

“What?!” he demanded, placing the tray on the dining table which she sat down at. Twilight just looked at him, showing an angry look in her eyes.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gee, all I did was treat you like trash!

“Why’d you really save me? Clearly you don’t really care about me or the others any more.

Doctor: To the point of being a borderline sociopath.

Ditzy: Borderline?

And there’s no need for you to stay, now that you’ve told everypony that I’m a danger to myself.” Spike didn't respond right away.

“Wait, how did you–?”

“I got the note. It was obvious why you left the Library in the middle of the night. Not to mention I heard you and Applejack running from the angry mob.”

Doctor: Are they ever going to explain that?

A small whine escaped Spike’s mouth before he looked away.

Ditzy: (Spike) I done goofed.

“Sorry about that.” Twilight sighed and began her meal.

“Just go, Spike. I was doing fine before you came back.” She’s avoiding her feelings. Spike grinned as he looked down at the mare.

“I’m gonna go with ‘no’.” Twilight snapped her head up and looked at him.

“What?”

“Like it or not, you’re damaged.

Doctor: And without warranty.

And it’s only gonna get worse after I leave… unless I help you return to your usual bookwormy self.” Twilight rose to her hooves and eyed him dangerously.

Doctor: (Twilight) I prefer the term ‘Bookish Scholar’.

“Get out of here, Spike. Or I’ll–.”

“You’ll do what? Get that guy who can make me? What was his name? DJ Doesn’t Exist?” Spike laughed, sitting Twilight back down in her chair by force.

Ditzy: You do realize that Twilight could whoop you with her magic easily right?

“Eat your breakfast. I react differently when a meal I make is wasted. As for what I’m gonna do, I got work. If you don’t wanna see me again, then fine. I’ll be out of sight, doesn’t mean I’ll be gone.” he left the Library with an evil chuckle and took to the sky for Cloudsdale.

Doctor: (Spike) Now I’m off to conquer Cloudsdale!

“Okay, now you all have your assignments, get going. I expect you all to be done within ten minutes. Ready, go!” Rainbow Dash called to the new flyers. The ponies in training, along with Spike shot for a cloud each. Dash’s pet turtle,

All: Tortoise!

Tank hovered in the centre of the training area, marking the location the clouds were to be bunched up in. Spike wasn’t the quickest of the group, but he wasn’t the slowest. His size alone slowed him down and he wasn’t very aerodynamic.

Ditzy: I’m still not sure why he is even here.

This caused him to be the fourth fastest flyer in the group.

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Of course.

Rainbow Dash watched him with a mixture of uncertainty and nervousness.

Doctor: He could strike at any minute!

The conversation they’d had the previous day left her… rattled to say the least. She hadn’t felt both emotions like this since she’d performed in front of the Wonderbolts.

Doctor: Or the time A.K. Yearling was doing a book signing and she overslept.

The final cloud was in place and Dash blew the whistle. She looked at the time and nodded with satisfaction

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m like the best supervisor.

“Not bad. Eight minutes and fifteen seconds. You’ve got time to spare. But I think with more training you can all do better. Cloud Shape, you lost your grip on the second cloud and had to fight with it before it would move.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) How you got a black eye from a cloud I may never know.

Aero, you spent most of your time making sure your mane wasn’t out of place and went for the smallest clouds possible.

Doctor: (Aero) You’re just jealous, you wish you could be this fabulous!

Airway, you were the exact opposite, which is also bad because you went for the bigger clouds, leaving the others to deal with the smaller ones.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) And you constantly rolled in the mud for some reason.

Spike, you might wanna work on your manoeuvrability. Those wings of yours ended up slicing some clouds in half, doubling the work for the others. That aside, you did well.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) For worthless bucking maggots! We are doing it 30 more times until you get it right!

Now we’re going to distribute these clouds again and bunch them up one at a time. See which one of you is the fastest. Aero, you go first because I feel like you need to suffer before you can actually be of use to us.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have several chore - I mean tasks I want you to do.

Rainbow Dash flew over to Tank and helped him out of the large cumulonimbus that the group had made. The little turtle’s propeller spun around madly as he followed his mistress to the sidelines.

“Spike, could you do the honours?” she asked. Spike smiled and cracked his knuckles.

Ditzy: How cute, he actually thinks he’s cool when he does that.

Doctor: It’s like he thinks he’s Bruce Lee or something.

“With pleasure.” he said, going so far as to dive into the cloud.

Ditzy: Spike used Body Slam.

He sliced it up into dozens of smaller clouds and spun around, using the wind he’d created with the force of his wings to separate them and distribute them throughout the field.

Ditz: Cool trick.

Doctor: So he’s not completely useless.

He re-joined the group of ponies as Aero made his way out onto the field. Alone, he’d gone over the ten minute mark, which upset Rainbow Dash to no end.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Is that all you got you worthing bucking magot?! Tank could do a better job and he’s a bucking tortoise! You not even worth the dirt under my hooves you bucking piece of manure!

“That was pathetic! Stop stressing about your mane and do it properly. Nopony else is going until you get under ten minutes.” Aero sadly tried again, just managing to scrape a single second under the mark. Dash grumbled as she had the field set once again.

“Alright Pretty boy, get back in line. Up next is Cloud Shape. Make me proud, C.” Aero whimpered, trying to fix his now Pinkified mane as Cloud Shape eagerly flew into the field. Her time was within five minutes, beating the group’s best.

“Okay, does anypony know why she was faster on her own, than all of you were as a whole group?” Nopony knew, but Spike spoke up.

Doctor: (Spike) Diet and exercise?

Ditzy: (Spike) She has been a weather pony for 7 years?

“Because we’re inexperienced as a team. We get in each other’s way and delay the process by doing so.” Rainbow Dash smiled.

Ditzy: And threw Spike a doggy treat.

“I thought you’d know, Spike. Well done. You’re absolutely right. The mistakes you all made dragged out the time it should have taken you all to complete the test. For trained teams, the time limit is a single minute. Spike, why don’t you give the individual task a shot next?” she seemed to warm up to Spike again. This time he saw it coming. He wasn’t about to screw up his plan like he did with Applejack. He’d managed to lose Dash’s trust in him and he didn’t want her to gain it again.

Ditzy: (Sighs) He’s still at it?

Doctor: Did you learn nothing from what happened to Twilight?!

“Hey, Coach. What’s your personal best?” he asked. Rainbow Dash grinned.

All: (Bored) Ten seconds flat.

“Need you ask? I can do this in Ten seconds flat.” she said proudly. Spike raised his hand and stretched out his clawed fingers.

Doctor: (Spike) Is this going to be on the test?

“I’ll beat you in five seconds.” he declared. The whole team, including Tank, dropped their jaws. Rainbow Dash just looked at him eerily.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh yeah?! I’ll beat you in 2 seconds!

Doctor: (Spike) I’ll beat you in a half a second.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll win by a half of a half of half second!

Doctor: (Spike) I’ll crush you with a hundredth of that!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll leave you in the dust in...negative five seconds!

“The day you beat me will never come, Spike. My speed is my pride and you won’t be able to take that from me. Not in a million years.” Spike casually hovered over to the edge of the field.

Ditzy: (Spike) Oh course I will win. The author wants me to the coolest, most kickflank character ever!

“The others started in the centre. It’s easier that way.” Dash said. Spike grinned at her and shook his head.

Doctor: (Spike) This will make me even more awesome when I inexplicably win!

“Not for what I have in store.” he called back. Rainbow Dash shrugged and gave him the signal to go. Spike immediately brought his wings as far back as he could and with one powerful thrust, blew every cloud to the other end of the field. Then he made a bolt for one end. Two seconds had passed when he reached the end of the line of clouds. Rainbow Dash dropped her jaw this time, the realisation that he may beat her in the allotted time dawning upon her. He bunched every cloud he could get together, not missing one. The third second had passed. With all his speed, he lunged for the centre of the field. The fourth second had passed. And the fifth arrived just as he placed the large cluster of clouds in the centre.

Ditzy: Unfortunately the overuse of his dark magic took a serious toll on his mind and reverted him to the mind of a foal.

Rainbow Dash gasped, her personal best divided by half.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh it is on!

With Rainbow Dash defeated, in order for her to continue training the others, Spike had to make the point that she was still the fastest Pegasus in Equestria. With that in mind, her pride was less hurt and she continued the course. Spike made a mental note that her mind was the easiest to warp, since she rarely used it.

Ditzy: (Spike) Corrupting her to the path of evil will be a cinch!

With the training over, everypony was sent home, except for Spike.

Doctor: Now Rainbow Dash is going to hound him for races until he caves in and loses.

“Spike, a moment, please?” the rainbow maned Pegasus waved him over. The two of them sat down on a cloud and waited for the other to say something.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) We are going to have to let you go. You’re treatment of your co-workers is unacceptable.

“So what’d you hold me back for? Still sore that you were beaten by a dragon twice your size?” he smiled at her. Rainbow Dash ignored the comment and looked at him.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Are you doing anything later? I like a stallion that can keep up with me.

“AJ told me about Twilight. Is it true or was she trying to get me to hate you because of it?” she asked. Spike hesitated for a minute.

Ditzy: What?! Applejack won’t lie about something like this!

“Wait, so if it’s true, you’ll hate me for letting her resort to suicide?” he asked. Rainbow Dash shook her head.

Doctor: Why does everyone have to be so forgiving of Spike? It’s ludicrous.

Ditzy: Yeah! He doesn’t even have to earn it! He could at leastsay sorry!

“Oh, uh… no. Just… I don’t know! Twilight’s one of my best friends, and I’d be mad at whoever caused her pain. But I can’t be mad at you because… well you were a friend once too, and I’m sure you had your reasons for leaving in the first place and all this thinking is giving me a headache!” she rubbed the sides of her head in circular motions.

Ditzy: Rainbow isn’t that stupid!

Doctor: Everyone is a caricature in this story.

“It’s true. I stopped her just in time.” he said. Rainbow Dash sighed and nodded.

“Come on then.” she rose to her hooves, stretching her wings in the process. Spike looked at her in confusion.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) We are going to make things right!

“Where we going?” he asked. Rainbow Dash smiled down at him and pointed in a seemingly random direction.

Ditzy: We are going to Zebrica?

“If this is happening, I’m gonna need a drink.” Spike nodded and followed close behind her.

Doctor: Or you could, I don’t know, go cheer up a certain friend that’s at her lowest point right now.

It only took them a minute to make it to where Rainbow Dash had pointed. It was a pub of sorts. How Cloudsdale could even carry inanimate objects on its cloudy surface always befuddled the young dragon, but somehow they managed to get kegs of beer and vineyards up in that bitch.

Ditzy: Spike do you realize what you just said!? That’s an incredibly offensive insult for a diamond dog!

Doctor: The author really needs to stop using human cursing.

The pair landed just outside the entrance and made their way in. The place was already filled with ponies who had finished their jobs for the day and were drinking away the stress that it had brought.

Ditzy: I think I need a drink for all the stress this fic is giving me.

Doctor: I’ll make some chestnut tea when this is all over.

Ditzy: Thanks Doctor.

Dash found a table for two near the end and nabbed it before anypony else could, while Spike ordered the first of a number of drinks the two would share.

Doctor: (Spike) I’ll have a 7-up with a twisty straw please.

“Okay… what’s your plan for helping her anyway, Spike?” Dash asked. The young dragon took a swig of his bottle and considered the question.

“I figure the best I can do is play the obedient tenant, do whatever crappy job she asks of me and keep a close eye on her at all times. I figure I could watch her at night, but that’d just play havoc with my mind.

Doctor: You’ll end up a lead of terrible teen romance novel.

Which is why I wanna ask you guys to watch her one night each over the course of the week.” Dash took a drink from her bottle and nodded.

Ditzy: I liked the Doctor’s plan of getting professional help better.

Doctor: So you aren’t actually going to doanything to solve the problem?

“Sounds legit to me. I’ll check with the others. Pinkie’ll probably do it with ease, but the rest of us might need to think of something that will keep us awake.” she said. The two shared more drinks as they tried to sort out the plan regarding watching over Twilight.

Ditzy: Or you could comfort her, talk to her, and help her get through her problems.

Doctor: Don’t be silly Ditzy. Spike clearly knows what he is doing.

“But answer me this: Why do you care? You’ve tried so hard to make a point of hating us. Why are you so determined to see this through?” Spike knew he couldn’t beat around the bush with Rainbow Dash.

“I… I don’t really hate you guys. I just don’t want you to get attached to me again. It’ll make it more difficult when I leave again.”

Doctor: What a selfish jerk! Did it ever occur to you in that tiny brain of yours just how much it would hurt your friends doing that. Yes, leaving it painful. I am well-versed in that. But it never feels good to leave someone you care about on bad terms. It makes the leaving them even more painful and causes nothing but regret.

“So don’t leave. Unless your reason for leaving is good, I don’t see why you should pack up and go through it all over again.” Spike sighed, finishing the fifth bottle.

Doctor: (Spike) It would ruin the cool mysterious aura I have.

“I just… I made a mistake the first time, and I can’t take it all back. I’d be living with constant reminders that I did something for the dumbest reason and I can’t handle that.

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) What a child.

Ditzy: Big deal! Everypony makes mistakes! Except we learn to grow from them, and leave them in the past.

Doctor: He’s a dark angsty troubled ‘hero’. I don’t think he’s allowed to do that.

Not to mention I’ll be riddled with constant nagging regarding the reason as to why I left in the first place.” Rainbow Dash started her seventh bottle, now two ahead of the dragon.

Doctor: Gee, don’t pace yourself or anything.

“To be honest, I don’t really care why you left. Because you came back, and I think that should be all that matters.” Spike nodded and began his sixth bottle.

Ditzy: At this rate they are going to die of alcohol poisoning.

“So what’s the deal with you and Rarity? You fall out of love or what?” Spike nearly choked on his drink.

Ditzy: While hiding the Rarity background picture on his phone.

“You really wanna talk about the one Pony you’d need a chisel to break your way in just to plough?” Dash spit her drink across the table, narrowly missing Spike.

Ditzy: He dodged in slow motion.

The ponies surrounding them paused and looked at the spectacle. Dash wasn’t able to control her laughter. She covered her mouth afterwards and reduced her laugh to a hysterical giggle.

Ditzy: I don’t get it.

Doctor: I think Spike is suggesting Rarity is high strung.

“I’ve never heard her put quite that way before.” she began. Spike smiled.

Ditzy: Wow. Spike is actually enjoying himself.

Doctor: It must be the alcohol.

“It’d be a new experience for her too.” Dash laughed again, bringing the bottle away before she could take any more.

“Could you let me swallow this?” she asked. As she began, Spike decided to be evil.

Ditzy: Spike lost 5 Karma points.

“Though she might have heard that one before.” Dash began a coughing fit as her drink went down the wrong way.

“You dick!” she choked. Spike began to pat her on the back, helping her to clear her throat. Her face was red from all the blood flow to her head, and Spike was enjoying himself.

Doctor: Spike certainly likes seeing the suffering of others.

Ditzy: It’s like the author doesn’t even have the first clue about Spike.

“Shit!” he said.

Doctor: You could at least mix up the curse words a little bit.

“What?” Dash asked, drawing his attention away from his train of thought.

“Oh, nothing. Just bucked something up again. It’s not important.”

Ditzy (Spike) I forgot to disconnect the satellite service at my old place.

Dash smiled at him and the two continued to socialaze throughout the night.

Ditzy: They drank, they fought - they made their ancestors proud!

The distant rumble of Thunder awoke Spike from his blissful sleep. He felt good again, but better than he had at the beginning of his nightmare.

Ditzy: Wait, no hangover?

But something was off. At first, he thought he was in another nightmare. Then he noticed the placement of the room he was in, and the light colours. Some posters of the Wonderbolts were placed up on the walls.

Doctor: (Spike) Why am I in Scootaloo’s house?

“The hell?” he whispered to himself. A light snore caught his attention and he looked down at the matted turquoise Pegasus with the messed up rainbow mane as she lay under her satin sheets. Spike’s eyes widened. He could then smell the stale perspiration in the air, among other things.

Ditzy: (Spike) Why does it smell like sulfur?

The setting brought it all back to him in a flood of memories. He’d just screwed up big time.

“SHIIIIIIIII-.”

Doctor: That is starting to become Spike’s catch phrase at this point.

Ditzy: Is this going to become a Rainbow Dash x Spike romance story?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinky watched her parents trot out of the theater. Her mom had a petulant frown on her face. She did not look happy at all. After a few minutes she started ranting while her father just nodded. Dinky felt a ping of pain in her heart. She didn’t realize just how much she had upset her mother. Dinky wasn’t sure she had ever seen her mother this angry before. Dinky noticed that her father also was frowning. Though he was trying to keep his calm, he also seemed just as angry as his future wife. Dinky hung her head in shame. Tears threatened to pour out.

“I know this is difficult for you Mistress Dinky. But remember, this is necessary.” Xander said in a sympathetic tone. “You know what will happen if you don’t set things on the proper course.”

Dinky keep her head downcast not speaking until finally saying. “I know Xander. I know."

He picked up the small shards of the mug and held them in his hand. He removed a hair from one of them and then proceeded to swallow them all down.

Episode 8 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 7

Hello! Right now I don’t think I am going to do ‘The Spread of Darkness’, the sequel to this story. I haven’t read it yet, and my heart isn’t into doing it. At least not yet. I want to move on to something else. I already have two other stories planned after Darkness of Love. The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash by Chengar Qordathand The Legend of Starlight by twow443and its sequels Book 2and 3. Really looking forward to doing them. Especially Legend of Starlight, it’s hilariously bad. I had so much fun reading it.

I had to alter Episode 2 a little bit to better fit this chapter.Nothing major. Just one detail, that in retrospect, was kinda dumb. You will hardly miss it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Spike is actually a bit more tolerable in it.

Special thanks to Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 8 - Part 1

Ditzy was lying on her bed humming a tune to herself with her nose in a thick book sitting in front of her. She was reading ‘Harry Trotter and the Deathly Hallows’. The book was well worn with use, even though Ditzy was pretty sure that this particular Harry Trotter book only came out a few months ago.

After weeks of playing board and card games, the Doctor barred the playing of either for at least a few decades, thoroughly sick of them. So after some nagging, Dinky allowed them to take some books from the library. Ditzy decided to take some Harry Trotter books since it were her favorite book series.

Ditzy yawned. “It’s time for a break.” She thought and put her book down on the night stand after dog-earing the page. She was glad Twilight Sparkle wasn’t here to see her do that. For some reason, she would always flip out at her for doing that. Ditzy looked at the clock. It was almost time for the experiment. She looked around and found the Doctor sitting in the corner reading the book he was holding intensely.

“What are you reading Doctor?” Ditzy trotted up to him and took a closer look at the book in his hooves. Ditzy tilted her head. “Simmer Crockpot Cookbook?”

“I thought I might do the cooking every now and again.” The Doctor said without look away from his reading. “I don’t think it is very fair for you to do all the cooking.”

“But Doctor, I really don’t mind.” It was true. Ditzy loved cooking for others. She had been doing it since a very young age. She had been the one to providing the meals for her father and her little brother and sister ever since her mother passed away. Cooking was second nature for her.

“I just thought I should pull more of my weight around here.” The Doctor replied. “It’s little embarrassing that you need to take care of me so much. I’m a grown ma- er stallion.”

“Oh, okay.” Ditzy smiled. “I could teach you if you want.”

“Actually, I already know how to cook.” The Doctor said. “I just haven’t done it in…maybe centuries. I also don’t know how to cook for a pony’s palate. It might be a useful skill to learn for later on.”

Ditzy thought for a moment. “That’s true. I won’t always be around to cook for you.”

Ditzy knew that eventually she would leave the Doctor to live her own life. Just like his other companions. “Such a sad and lonely way to live. Poor Doctor.” Ditzy thought frowning at this somber thought. “Always alone in the end.” Ditzy then smiled. Even if that was true, it wouldn’t be for long time. She would stick with him as long as she could. He needed her. He needed a good friend to stand by him through the bad times and good. No way would she let him face the evils of the universe alone. That is what a friend does.

“I’m really looking forward to it. I’m sure you will come up with something amazing.” Ditzy then nudged the Doctor with her elbow. “Just don’t accidentally burn down everything in the process.”

The Doctor looked away from his book and gave her a flat look. He went back to his reading without saying another word. Ditzy decided it would best to leave him alone and went back to her Harry Trotter book. “Are they ever going to get out of this stupid forest?” Ditzy thought.

“You look in a good mood Doctor.” Said Dinky as the Doctor entered the main meeting room.

“Of course I am.” The Doctor said cheerily. “Our month long exile to our room is almost finished.”

“Thank goodness. I’m really looking forward to doing some serious flying.” Ditzy said while stretching her wings. “Being confided to a room isn’t good for a pegasus.”

“I don’t doubt it.” The Doctor replied.

“As long as you obey the rules, it will never happen again.” Dinky said in a stern tone.

“It won’t.” The Doctor lied. Ditzy nodded.

“Today’s experiment is ‘The Darkness of Love’ by Grimm Reaper chapters seven to nine. Enjoy.”

The experiment alarm went off and the Doctor and Ditzy rushed to the theater.

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“IIIIIIIT!” he whispered as loud as he could without waking the seemingly satisfied mare beside him.

Ditzy: (Spike) Is my favorite movie of all time.

Oh, buck no. This is bad, this is very, very bad! I never wanted this to happen. Bucking alcohol enabling my idiot drive!

Ditzy: No it hasn’t. You have always been an idiot.

I’m screwed! Literally and figuratively. Oh man! These thoughts played in his mind non-stop.

Doctor: Like this is the stupidest thing you have ever done.

He traced his fingers over his scars again, avoiding the claws this time. Wait, she had more to drink than I did. If I leave now, she probably won’t remember anything. Then it’ll be my secret to keep.

Ditzy: (Spike) Then I can pointlessly broad and whine about it later for years.

Sadly, that plan was shot to shit as Dash stirred before waking up. Her eyes were groggy and her body felt numb.

“What’s…”

“Oh, GOD DAMMIT!!!” hearing Spike’s voice made her jump,

Ditzy: Don’t you mean Celestia Dammit?

Doctor: Or if you want to be creative, Luna Dammit.

Ditzy: Oooo. How about Cadance Dammit?

the energy reserved for such a feat was somehow discovered.

“Spike! What are you doing in my house?” she demanded. The dragon looked at her with a very unhappy expression on his face.

Doctor: (Rainbow) You’re after my limited edition Wonderbolt statutes aren’t you!

“We slept together, Sherclop.”

Ditzy: Um, don’t you mean Sherlock Hooves?

This information took a moment to register in Rainbow Dash’s mind. The result was… unexpected.

Doctor: She went into a full fanfare.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have waited so long for this day!

“Oh… okay then.” She then proceeded to relax her body once more and lay her head on the pillow.

Ditzy: So Rainbow Dash doesn’t have a hangover either?

“WHAT?!” Spike shouted at her. Dash looked at him with disinterest.

Doctor: It broke Spike’s fragile ego.

“You find out we slept together and all you have to say is ‘Okay then’? Think about what this means. Not to us, but to the others.” Spike was growing hysterical.

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) What a drama queen.

Doctor: Why can’t he live with even one of his mistakes?

“I did. And I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter. I sleep with Fluttershy all the time.

Ditzy: What?!

Doctor: We never ask about your personal life Rainbow Dash.

Granted, you’re my first dragon, but you’re definitely not my first male. I’ve had rounds with Applejack, Big Mac, who is not surprisingly well proportioned.

Ditzy: (Blushes) Oh really?

The first Grand Galloping Gala I went to with you guys, I had two of the Guards the night before we left.

All: Too much information!

Then there was that Doctor guy who lives in the blue box,

Doctor: Not on your life Rainbow Dash.

Cheerilee, all of the Wonderbolts who still won’t ask me to join, no matter how many times we do it in a full group.

Doctor: They have standards.

And… Oh, Derpy once or twice.

Ditzy: That’s not my name and not on your life Rainbow Dash.

She’s pretty good. Probably why I haven’t fired her.”

Ditzy: What?! I’m a great weather pony!

Doctor: What a gross abuse of your power.

Spike subconsciously began counting off the total number of partners she’d been with.

Ditzy: Somehow I doubt even half of it is true.

Doctor: It seems like nothing but false bravado to hide her embarrassment.

“So… taking into account that there are twenty seven Wonderbolts… Including me, you’ve been with at least thirty six partners of different genders?” Spike asked. Rainbow Dash nodded modestly.

Doctor: Reminds me of a friend I know.

Ditzy: Really?! Ick.

Doctor: He wasn’t such a bad guy. Both loyal and dependable.

“Oh, and don’t tell anypony, but Soarin’s a herm.” she replied. Spike grew confused.

Derpy: Yeah, what does that mean?

Doctor: He’s a hermaphrodite?

“The buck is that?”

“Oh, right… It means he can literally buck himself. He’s got two for the price of one.” Spike crumpled his nose at the thought.

Doctor: (Facehoofs)

Ditzy: (Spike) Ponies that aren’t normal are disgusting!

“No wonder he likes pie so much.” Rainbow Dash laughed, after which there was an awkward moment of silence between them.

Ditzy: What the heck does that even mean?

Doctor: I have no clue.

“What about Twilight?” Spike asked. Rainbow Dash looked at him.

“Huh?”

“Did you ever sleep with Twilight?” The Pegasus shook her head.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That basket case egghead?

“Are you kidding me? Twilight’s impossible to sleep with. She makes up all these excuses,

Doctor: (Twilight) Sorry Dash, but I have to wash my hair tonight.

like a condition that she has that prevents her from having sex for fear of death. I actually checked with Nurse Redheart. No such condition exists.” Spike laughed.

Doctor: No, it’s called Genophobia.

“Yes there is. It’s called class. She’s too posh to plough.” The two of them shared a laugh once more.

Ditzy: (Spike) Celestia knows what she might get from you.

“You know. I’m curious why you asked me if I’d done Twi. You didn’t ask If I’d slept with Rarity or Pinkie, you went straight for your oldest friend.” Spike cleared his throat, but said nothing as his brain worked a way around the subject.

Doctor: It unfortunately caused a critical system error and he was forced to reboot.

“It’s just that… this whole thing with her being suicidal and everything… It’s got me thinking about her safety, so she enters my mind often, like now.” Rainbow Dash smirked at him and nodded.

Doctor: Oh right. Twilight tried to kill herself and is suffering from serious depression. Maybe we should do something about that.

“Riiight. Something tells me you’ve changed the direction your heart’s pointing. You’ve completely dropped Rarity

Ditzy: (Coughs) Rarity lookalike marefriend.

and are going for the easier prey. Clever, but given the circumstances, it’ll all be in vain.” Spike growled low at her.

Ditzy: (Spike) Dude, she’s like my sister!

“Okay, okay. No need to eat me over a few choice words.” Spike huffed at that.

Ditzy: (Spike) Ponies are too gamey in my opinion.

“Too late, Dash.” he waved his finger between the two of them, receiving a similar huff in return.

“Tell you what, it’s still the middle of the night. What say we… pick up where we left off last time and see if we can beat ten seconds?” she mused.

All: Um….

Spike wasn’t that amused with her pun. He looked out the window and sighed.

Ditzy: Right, not like something serious is happening with Twilight or anything.

Doctor: Loyalty incarnate.

“Oh, what the hell.” he said, jumping in the bed.

All: Please cut away. Please cut away. Please cut away.

Spike entered the Library with a hobble.

All: Phew.

If dragons had a walk of shame, this was it. His frills were drooped like a pony’s ears and he winced every time he took a step.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash was into really weird stuff. Spike didn’t think he will be able to look at horseradish the same way again.

“I’m home! Sorry I didn’t come home last night. I got caught up with the ‘Byke of Cloudsdale’.

Doctor: (Growls) What did you say?

Ditzy: What did he say?

Doctor: Um, it’s not important.

Ditzy: I don’t get the language of this fic at all.

She brought a whole new meaning to the term ‘Loyalty’.” Spike looked around and listened for a response. He neither heard, nor saw anything.

Doctor: He somehow found himself in an empty void.

“Twilight?” there was an eerie feeling in the air that unnerved Spike.

Ditzy: (Hums the Halloween theme music)

“Noo!” he growled as he made his way up the stairs and kicked the bedroom door open. Nothing. He ran back downstairs in a blur, checking every room, every corner and space of the Library.

Ditzy: He even checked inside the books.

He ran outside and scanned the area around the tree. He went so far as to climb the tree and searched every inch of the branches.

Doctor: Why would she be there? Maybe she is just with one of her friends that you sent to watch over her.

“Twilight!!!” he shouted.

“Down here, Sugar Cube.” a familiarly Yankee voice called from below.

Ditzy: Yankee? Is that another derogatory term I’ve never heard of?

Doctor: No. It’s someone from the north part of a country called The United States of America. Also, that term doesn’t match Applejack’s accent whatsoever.

Spike looked towards the source of the voice and saw Applejack with Twilight, new bandages around her existing wound as well as her other hoof.

Ditzy: Oh no… not again..

Doctor: ….

“Tell me she didn’t!” Applejack moved her hat to scratch her head.

“Ah caught her just in the nick o’ time. Nearly died she did. Redheart’s given her some medication. She’s pretty outta it right now.”

Ditzy: (Sniffs) Poor Twilight. I blame you for this Spike!

Doctor: Why didn’t you take her to the hospital? It would have avoided all of this!

Spike leaped out of the tree and landed with a heavy thud right in front of the two ponies.

Ditzy: Instantly breaking them in several places.

Doctor: Didn’t he hurt his leg earlier?

“So I can’t have one night to myself without her trying to top herself? Typical Twilight. You always bring me into your mess. You’re such a sad bitch.” he growled.

Ditzy: Buck you Spike!

Doctor: (Growls) What do you except when you leave a suicidal person alone? She needed the comfort of her friends and family. Instead you went out drinking, not caring about the consequences. You the worst friend imaginable.

Twilight, who had been leaning against Applejack, opened her eyes groggily and gave Spike a goofy smile.

“Heey… There he is. My ol’ buddy bud-bud.” she proceeded to wobble into the Library and take a seat on the couch across from the fireplace.

Ditzy: Is Twilight drunk? What?

“What did Redheart give her? She’s higher than the Spurs Needle in Seaddle.” Applejack handed over a small bottle of pills. Spike read the label.

Ditzy: (Spike) Happy pills?

“Methylphenidate. She gave her Ritalin?”

Ditzy: Will that help? Isn’t that for ADHD?

Doctor: It can work as an antidepressant I believe.

“Ah guess. What’s it supposed to do?” Applejack asked, looking at the bottle.

“It’s an anti-depressant. It should help her fight back against those suicidal tendencies, but I wouldn’t rely solely on it.

Doctor: (Spike) Don’t worry. She was me to cheer her up!

I think I’m gonna have to have her take these without her knowing. As Celestia’s student, she’d be too proud to take them.

Doctor: No. Twilight is a smart girl. She would realize the importance of taking them and the risk to herself if she didn’t.

But I don’t think these could cause her to act so… scatterbrained.” Applejack shrugged.

Ditzy: Somepony should get a doctor! These side effects don’t seem normal.

“Oh, wait. Ah think I overheard Nurse Redheart saying something about Valium.” Spike jumped.

“Jeez, where did she get her degree? In a cereal box? Valium and Ritalin can have bad side effects. But I suppose if taken at the right time apart from each other, it may be okay…”

Ditzy: Maybe you should just let the professional nurse do her job.

“How do ya’ll know this stuff?” Spike shrugged and looked back at Twilight.

Doctor: (Spike proud) Cereal box.

“I read some of the books to pass the time when I was bored. Hindsight’s a bitch.”

Ditzy: Obviously that makes you better than a trained nurse.

Doctor: Wait, these books are twenty years out of date.

Twilight began singing to herself in a slurred tone.

Ditzy: She started singing ‘Love is in Bloom’.

“Alright, I guess I’d better… deal with this… thing.” he said. Applejack gave him a hug, which he did not expect.

“What the…?”

“Like Ah said, Ya’ll ain’t gonna convince me that you’ve abandoned your love for us. Ah’ll see ya ‘round Spike.”

Doctor: (Spike) Accursed friendship!

“I’m a happy camper!” Twilight cried out with glee, waving her hooves in the air.

Doctor: (Spike) Wait a second. This isn’t Valium! It’s extract of Pinkie Pie!

“Oh, good. Then you can shove this marshmallow in your gob and shut up.” he said, handing her a stick with a marshmallow on the end. He’d placed one of the Ritalin tablets in the marshmallow.

Ditzy: (Spike) Open up. Coo coo! Here comes the train!

Doctor: (Hums ‘Spoonful of Sugar’)

“Stick that in the fire, take it out and then swallow.” Twilight giggled.

Ditzy: Um, is this such a good idea?

Doctor: Yes, potentially damage her medicine. How brilliant.

“Spike, don’t talk dirty.” she said, pushing against him. Spike growled low at her.

Ditzy: (Spike) The things I do for love.

“Shut up and eat, shut up and eat, shut up and eat.” he chanted to himself as Twilight slowly placed the marshmallow over the fireplace.

Ditzy: Spike did an impromptu song and dance number to get Twilight to take her medication.

“Right, now make sure it doesn’t catch fire. These things are a bitch to put out.”

Doctor: (Spike) No! Don’t swing it near the books. Argh!

“Did Rainbow put out?” Spike looked at the lavender unicorn in shock. Had she just said what he thought she said?

“What?”

Doctor: Did Rainbow Dash put out that preorder for the next Daring Doo book?

“I can smell her on you, Spikey.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I can smell Fruit Loops all over you.

I’ve been around them more than you have, especially… the last three years. Ooh, flaming mallows!”

Ditzy: (Twilight) We have..um..special meetings.

“Wait… since when can you smell other ponies?” Twilight looked at him and scrunched her face.

Doctor: (Twilight) You could have at least showered.

“I drank milk that tasted funny. Redheart said it was good for me.”

Ditzy: I don’t like Skim Milk either.

then Twilight giggled and hugged Spike. The young dragon froze in place. He noticed the burning marshmallow.

“Your… flaming mallow is burning.” Twilight laughed again.

Doctor: (Twilight) I know! How about doing an experiment to see how long it would for me to burn the library down to the ground? Doesn’t that sound fun!

“Spike, I said no dirty talk.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Burning marshmallows really turn me on.

The dragon withheld a groan and pointed to the marshmallow on her stick.

Doctor: (Spike) Sure Spike, agree to watch Twilight alone. That was a good idea!

“Oh, the puffy mallow! Uh, how do I get rid of the fire?” she asked, waving the stick around.

Ditzy: She acted like a filly with a freshly lit sparkler.

“Well definitely not like tha-OW!” The marshmallow had flown off and landed squarely between his eyes. Twilight laughed at this and rolled along the floor.

Ditzy: Even the smallest payback feels really nice.

“You’re lucky I’m fire-proof.” he said, grabbing the soft goo from his face. He held Twilight down with his foot, forced her mouth open and dropped the marshmallow into her mouth.

Ditzy: Eww… Remember his..um..nightly activities with Rainbow.

Doctor: Does it even have the medicine in it anymore?

“There. That ought to hold you for the evening.” he said. Twilight stood up and smiled at her friend.

Doctor: Hey Owlowiscious is back!

“I have a secret.” she began. Spike huffed in annoyance.

“We all have secrets, Twi.”

“No… My secret’s specifically about you.” she began. Spike sighed in resignation, giving her his full attention.

Ditzy: (Spike) I can use this to blackmail her later.

“Alright, what’s the secret?” he asked.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I didn’t like that one gift you gave me for Hearth’s Warming five years ago and sold for in-store credit! I’m so sorry Spike!

“Fine, I’ll tell you. But you can’t tell Spike.” she said. After the condition registered with him as idiocy, he accepted.

Doctor: (Spike) Everything seems in order. Welcome aboard Idiocy!

“Fine, I won’t. Now what’s the secret?” Twilight leaned over to him and smiled.

“Dad smokes in the carriage. Celestia is okay with it, but we can’t tell Mum.” she said. Spike sighed, forcing back a growl.

Doctor: (Spike) Haven’t you told your father to quit those things already? They are terrible for his health.

“Not that, secret, the other Secret.”

“I’m Mare Do Well. Shhhh!” Spike growled this time.

Doctor: (Spike) Mare Do Well? My greatest nemesis?

“Damn it, Twilight!” The mare laughed aloud, clutching her sides. “The secret about m-… Spike.” Twilight sighed in submission.

“Spike hates me because I didn’t find him when he left us like last time.” The young dragon looked at her, huddled up in the corner of the couch, her sad face masked slightly by the dopey effect of the Valium.

Doctor: Is that actually her reasoning or just drug induced delirium?

“I… Spike could never hate you for that, Twi. He knows you tried to find him, because Scootaloo told him.” The unicorn looked at him.

Ditzy: (Twilight) That snitch!

“Spike? Who told you that? What is the other one? I’ll get him for… wait. Why are you talking in third-person? Have you been hanging around Trixie? Was it a threesome? Why didn’t you invite me?” She began to ramble on about random things, the last one intrigued him, but he said nothing on the matter.

Doctor: That’s a first. He always has some juvenile comment.

“Twilight. It’s time to go to bed. Come on, I’ll tuck you in.” Twilight smiled at him and giggled as her head hung over his arm.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Carry me!

“This is a world gone topys-turvy! I like it. It’s like Rainbow Dash when she was victim to the Poison Joke. Remember that?” she asked. Spike chuckled.

“Yeah, I remember. We had Appleteenie, Rainbow Crash, Hairity, Flutterguy, Spittie Pie, and then you.” he replied.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) You came up with special names for them?

“Yeah, Twilight Flopple.” she said. Spike laughed.

“Damn you, Hindsight.” he mused. He placed Twilight down onto her bed and wrapped the covers around her in a tight cocoon.

Ditzy: To eventually come out as a beautiful butterfly.

“Spike?” she called to him. Spike looked at her and smiled.

“Yeah?” The lavender unicorn blushed slightly as she moved her eyes over to her bedside table.

Doctor: Can you sing me to sleep?

“Could you read me a story?” she asked.

Doctor: (Twilight) Can you read me the one about the rabbits Spike?

Spike opened the drawer in the table and pulled out a copy of

Ditzy: Green Eggs and Ham.

‘Daring Do and the Jade Wing’.

Doctor: A Daring Doo book? I was expecting a book about advanced magical theory.

Ditzy: Or a Calculus book.

He smiled and nodded, opening the book from where she’d left the bookmark. As he began reading, he didn’t get through three pages before she was asleep.

Ditzy: Spike was just that boring.

He placed the bookmark where he’d stopped reading and closed the book quietly, sliding it back into the drawer and closing it as quietly as possible.

Doctor: It almost worked until Rainbow Dash crashed through the window.

He leaned over the bed and gently held her face in his hand. He bent down and kissed her forehead. But instead of leaving it there, His mind was drawn to her lips. Asleep, she would have been none the wiser.

Ditzy: (Growling) It better stay to just that.

He brought his face closer to hers, his own scaly lips brushing against hers. He kept his eyes on her closed ones to make sure she didn’t wake. It would have been difficult to explain to a fully functioning Twilight what he was doing with his face so close to hers.

Ditzy: So this is going to be a Spike x Twilight story...ick. Th-they're like brother and sister!

Doctor: I might have worked better if those two didn’t act like siblings the entire story so far.

He could taste her breath as she sighed in her sleep; the smell of marshmallows was fresh on her. He curled her top lip with his own. He was so close. With his free hand, he clenched his fist, hearing the sound of his knuckles crack. He reared his head back slightly, freeing her lip before he drew it closer again and…

Ditzy: Chickening out like the total coward he is.

Author's Note:

In case anypony was wondering, the term Byke is derived from the word Dyke, which is a disparaging term for Lesbian,

Ditzy: That is what that means?

Doctor: (Groans) Yes.

just as the word 'Nigger' is to a black person. In short, Byke = Bi-sexual.

Doctor: I just love all the offensive language in this story.

Ditzy: The author is trying really really hard to make Spike as unlikable as possible.

Episode 8 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 8

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 8 - Part 2

Spike sat on a tree branch outside the Library, staring up at the moon. His mind was racing.

Doctor: (Spike) What are those black spots on the moon called again? Lunar Marion?

Thoughts bubbled to the surface. Why had he done it? What was wrong with him? Was it right? Was it wrong? He played the memory back in his mind…

Ditzy: It was in black and white and had film scratches.

He was so close. With his free hand, he clenched his fist, hearing the sound of his knuckles crack.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gah! My claws! I think I dislocated it!

He reared his head back slightly, freeing her lip before he drew it closer again and… He slithered away, just as his lips skimmed the tips of the hairs on her face. He hurried away from there in silence, slinking out the window to here…

Ditzy: Unfortunately somepony saw this and called the police thinking he was a robber.

He covered his face in shame.

Doctor: Now? Now after everything else?

What was happening to him? It was just like before. Only now he was more confused about it than ever. Did he really try to kiss Twilight? Was that even what he wanted? He just didn’t know any more. His mind was a mess on the matter. He’d spent too long here. It’s only been four days.

Doctor: More like three.

That was four days too many. With the shit he’d gotten himself into, ignorance would have been bliss. Had he not known Twilight’s suicidal tendencies, had he not returned and pushed those tendencies into direct and uncontrollable action…

Ditzy: Are you actually going to try to fix your problems?

He wanted to scream. He wanted to go back in time and prevent himself from ever leaving Ponyville in the first place.

Ditzy: (Spike) I know! I’ll ask that Doctor guy to help me!

Or perhaps he would go back just far enough to shorten the number of gryphons he’d lost his brood to,

Doctor: Unfortunately, he accidentally ran into himself. Causing a paradox and was torn apart by reapers.

so he would still have a home in the mountain. But he was thinking in hypotheticals, as if it was possible for him to change the past.

All: Good.

Ditzy: That’s the last thing we want!

Twilight’s little excursion backward a week proved it impossible.

Doctor: If you fail something once, obviously it’s impossible.

Ditzy: He’s actually considering it?

Now, Spike was truly lost. He missed the days he could just threaten any problem away with his dark magic.

Doctor: (Spike) Killing was so much fun!

Now the problem was within himself and what little part of his old self remained was fighting for control, or at the very least, symbiosis.

Ditzy: Oh, so Spike has a split personality now. That actually makes a lot of sense.

“Spike?” a voice called out to him from below. He looked down from his moonlighting to see the unmistakably messy-maned Pinkie Pie. His second encounter with her since he’d arrived.

Doctor: Where has she been this entire story? I can hardly go into Ponyville without bumping into her at least once.

“Pinkie. Hi.” he said. The Pink pony vanished from his view, only to end up right next to him. He jumped, no longer used to her abnormal method of travel.

Doctor: If this startles you, you’re not going to last very long.

“So, watcha doing?” she asked, sitting beside him. Spike looked back up at the moon.

Ditzy: (Spike) I never realized just how unappreciated Luna is. She works so hard to create this beautiful night and hardly anypony notices it. I can sympathize.

“Searching for a miracle.” he said. Pinkie followed his gaze and smiled. She then looked down at the open window that was Twilight’s Bedroom window.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Did you try wishing upon a star?

“I know why you left, Spike. It’s so obvious, I’m surprised nopony else has figured it out.” she gave him a kind-hearted smile.

Doctor: Oh? Are we actually going to get an explanation now?

“What do you mean?” he asked. Pinkie scoffed at him.

“You of all people should know that I’m not as… silly as I seem, Spike.

Ditzy: Yes, she can be rather insightful at times.

The reason you left is the very reason you won’t leave now, why you’ve devoted yourself to remaining here even though you want nothing more than to leave. All these things have one specific thing in common. This is a jigsaw and your confession is the final piece to the puzzle. But maybe that puzzle is only a piece of a much bigger puzzle.” she lost him.

Doctor: Actually, I think I get what she is talking about. Spike needs to remember why his friends and Twilight are so important to him. In fact, these feeling might lead to something greater than he can imagine.

Ditzy: If only that would actually happen!

“I don’t get what you’re saying Pinkie. Puzzle analogies were never my thing.” he said. The pink pony just sighed.

Doctor: (Pinkie) You are so hopeless Spike. That was really really profound.

“I’m saying, this isn’t just about you, Spike. This is about all of us.

Ditzy: Finally somepony tells Spike that.

You’re scared to reveal why you left because you’re afraid of what we’ll think.

Doctor: (Scoffs) Really?

Ditzy: So he’s okay having his friends hatehim, but he worried about what they might think if they learn the reason why he left?

We’re your peers, Spike, we always have been. And Twilight is to you, as Celestia is to her… to a certain extent anyway. I know the truth about you Spike.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I know your secret identity!

But you don’t have to worry about me spoiling the ending. I made a promise a long time ago not to interfere with this sort of thing.

Doctor: Her Pinkie Sense can do that?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

It was a Double Pinkie Promise, Spike.

Doctor: (Pinkie) The forces that guide the universe are a bunch of crabby pants and made me promise not to interfere any more.

I’m just here to perhaps enlighten the smarter readers, and confuse the buck out of the dumber ones in this story.” Spike looked around himself.

Ditzy: (Spike) A-are you calling me dumb?

“Story? What are you talking about?”

Doctor: Life is a story told by an idiot, full of noise and emotional disturbance but devoid of meaning.

“I’m just being me. I’m breaking the fourth-wall. Is it still called ‘breaking the fourth-wall’ even though it’s a book?” she asked. Spike gave her the most confused look ever.

Doctor: (Spike) Pinkie, this is a fanfic.

“What?!”

“Nevermind. I’ve done my job. You won’t hear from me until the ending.

Doctor: (Pinkie) The author was too lazy to write for me.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) It would actually make this story entertaining.

But is it at the ending of this story? Or perhaps the next? Oops, Spoilers!” And with that, Pinkie was gone. Spike was left there, more confused about what she’d just said than he was about his own personal dilemma.

Ditzy: At least it stopped him from his constant whining about his problems.

“Freaks me the buck out!”

Doctor: Please. That doesn’t even register on my radar of the weird things she has done.

Twilight awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and surprisingly more lively than she had been in what felt like an age. She went to stretch her body, but found herself wrapped up in a bundle of bed sheets.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Why do the bed sheets have knots?

She felt a strange tingling sensation on the surface of her lips; a sensation she found oddly satisfying.

Ditzy: It had a surprising mint feeling.

She reached her hoof up through the cocoon of covers and touched her mouth. The tingling vanished and she instantly wished she hadn’t done anything. She licked her lips, sighing as she struggled to free herself from the expertly made tuck-in.

Doctor: (Twilight) Um, a little help here please.

The bedroom door opened and Spike held in his hands, another tray of food for Twilight.

Doctor: (Twilight) Why is there a dead rabbit on it?

Ditzy: (Spike) I thought you might want to try something new! It’s personally one of my favorites! Next to griffons.

“Haha! Did it right this time. Breakfast in bed.” Twilight was unsure how to react. She could remember nothing after her second attempt to take her own life.

“What… how… Am I in Heaven?” she asked. Spike barked a laugh at that.

Ditzy: (Spike) You’re in this fanfic! How could you be?

“Please, with the shit you’ve tried to pull in the past two days, you’d be in Hell if anything. Fortunately, you’ll have to settle for the devil incarnate that is me.

Doctor: Then he gave out a corny evil laugh.

It’s like that whole relationship between him and Sadam Hoofsein. You’re Hoofsein.” Twilight shook her head, trying to clear away the fogginess of last night.

“The book detailed them as gay lovers.” she replied.

Ditzy: What book? What are you talking about?

Doctor: I have no clue.

“Oh yeah. Nevermind then. Last I checked, you don’t have a penis. Or did you change that in the last three years?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) I...may have experimented the last few years.

He placed the tray down across from her and helped her sit up.

“Spike… I haven’t forgotten what you said yesterday. Clearly you don’t want to be friends. So stop trying to make me happy.” she said.

Doctor: (Twilight) You could at least say, “I’m sorry”.

Spike groaned, audibly holding back the urge to say something, much to Twilight’s Chagrin.

“Technically, that was the night before yesterday. And you don’t remember last night, which may be the only reason I’m not strangling you right now.” he said. He smiled on one side of his face, hiding it from her.

“What did I do?” she demanded.

Ditzy: She started violently shaking Spike.

“You flicked a burning marshmallow on my face. and every time I referred to it the same way you did, for example: when I said ‘your flaming mallow is burning’, you told me not to talk dirty.” Twilight rubbed her head,

Doctor: (Twilight) How is that dirty talk?

trying to recall the night’s events prior.

Ditzy: Then gasped in horror when he realized she gave out her secret identity as Mare Do Well.

“How did I get here?” she asked.

Doctor: (Spike) Well you see, when a stallion and a mare love each other very much...

“You can scold Applejack for saving your hide this time. I spent the night over at Dash’s, getting… reacquainted with her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) So that is why you smell like her.

Nurse Redheart did as she does and nursed you back to health.” Twilight looked at her bandages and frowned.

Doctor: (Twilight) Why am I not in the hospital for observation?

“They’re too tight. Could you redo them? You’re better at it than the hospital is.” she asked. Spike didn’t hesitate to comply as she reached her hooves out. The speed of his response surprised her. As he unravelled her bandages, he flashed a quick glance at her.

Doctor: (Spike) What you may not know is that I took correspondence courses in nursing.

“Last night, you mentioned a secret you had about me.” Twilight gasped, jolting her hooves back away from him. There was a moment’s hesitation before she held them back out for him to finish.

“What did I say?” she asked. Spike loosened the bandaging slightly and began to wrap her up again.

Doctor: (Twilight) Why are you wrapping it around my head? Do you have any idea what you are doing?

“You said you thought I hated you because you didn’t find me like last time, and that was why I wouldn’t come back.” he replied. He finished the first bandage and began with the second.

“And is it true?”

“No. I could never hate you for failing. I know you tried for two years to find me, and that would have more than made up for it. But it wouldn’t explain why I left in the first place.”

All: (Sighs)

Ditzy: (Spike) I’m taking it to my grave!

Twilight flexed her hoof as the second bandage came off before Spike went to rewrap it.

Doctor: (Spike) Do you mind?

“Why did you leave, Spike?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Spike) Celestia! For the hundredth time! I’m not going to tell you!

“I can’t say.”

“Why not?”

Doctor: The author thought the mystery would be a good way to entice readers.

“Because… it was a stupid reason; one that I regret to this day. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done.” Twilight felt her heart flutter as Spike held her hooves in his hands

All: Claws.

even after he’d finished bandaging them.

“So… will you stay now?” Spike gently squeezed her hooves, making sure not to hurt her.

“I… don’t know yet. I get this nagging feeling, in the back of my mind.

Ditzy: I believe it’s called...having a conscience.

With all the crap I’ve put you all through these past few days…that aside, I can’t help but feel that my business with the Gryphons isn’t over.

Doctor: Own several of them money.

They’re not the kind to just let live those who have killed members of their race.

Doctor: Then why go back to Ponyville in the first place?

I just hope they think me dead among my friends back hom… in the mountain.”

Ditzy: (Spike) To keep my cover I got a job that would keep me well hidden.

Twilight pulled him closer.

“I won’t let the gryphons get you, Spike. I’ll take the matter to Princess Celestia if need be.” Spike shook his head.

“No. That’s the last thing I want.

Doctor: It might actually solve things.

If they come looking for me, then I’ll have to leave. If anything, to save you guys from having to deal with them. I’ll come back if I feel it’s safe to do so.”

Doctor: (Spike) I have friends that can smuggle me into the country.

He knelt there beside her, holding her hooves for what seemed like forever.

Ditzy: How rare. An actual nice moment.

Doctor: Spike isn’t so bad when he shuts his mouth.

“You never stopped caring about us, did you Spike?” The young dragon sighed and shook his head.

Doctor: (Spike) No, I’m just really really bad at expressing my feelings.

“No. But I’m still gonna be a total ass hat though. It’s kinda fun.”

Doctor: (Spike) I love being a bully and jerk to everyone.

Ditzy: I almost had hope he would change for the better.

Twilight laughed, looking back to the tray.

“Join me for Breakfast?” she offered. Spike smiled and made his way around the bed, sitting on the other side from her. She cuddled up to him and he placed his arm around her. He took a grape from the vine and placed it in her mouth. She smiled at him and giggled.

“Shall I chew it for you too?” he offered sarcastically. Twilight just grinned at him and showed him the contents of her mouth.

“Ugh.” he said, looking away. “Grape breath.” he said. He grabbed another grape and added it to her mouth. She daintily took each grape from his hand and proceeded to tease him by showing him an empty mouth, indicating she was ready for more.

Doctor: (Twilight) Feed me, Spike.

“Where’s a corn cob when you need one?” he said, placing the last grape in her mouth. The dragon sighed and moved on to the bananas.

Ditzy: Um...

“This is going to be weird.”

All: (Mortified)

With a full stomach, Twilight was in heaven as she sat in bed with her long lost friend having returned to her.

Doctor: Good thing they didn’t show that either.

“Welcome home, Spike.” she said as she reached up to give him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled and lowered his head so she could reach him.

Ditzy: Is this really romantic? She’s kissing him like she’s his aunt or something.

“It’s good to be home. But we have to admit… It’s not going to be the same.” Twilight nodded and buried her face into his chest.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gah! Watch where you steer that horn!

“But it could be better, if we play our cards right.” the two of them sat there for an hour, just enjoying each other’s company. Spike had lost all sense of confusion as he held Twilight in his arms. And the realisation hit him like it had many times before.

Doctor: That he was so much happier here then with his fellow dragons.

His bond with her had grown even stronger than it once was.

Ditzy: Social link rank up!

He let out a chuckle followed by a single word.

Doctor: Here it comes.

“Shit.”

Doctor: There’s Spike and his wacky catchphrase.

“What?” Twilight asked. He just shook his head.

“Just something I’ve started doing every time I regain my friendship with someone. I kinda wanna go all the way with it whenever I fail to keep you guys at a distance.”

Ditzy: That and the author has a sweet t-shirt deal in the making.

Twilight wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but she shrugged and snuggled up to him all the same.

“Whatever, I still love you.” she said. Spike chuckled and grinned at her.

“Love you too, Twi.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) You’re the best little brother a pony could have!

Doctor: (Spike dejected) Oh….

Episode 8 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 9

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 8 - Part 3

Rarity stood before one of her many ponnequins, her latest design still incomplete. She stood there, staring at it.

Doctor: Until she saw the curtains. They gave her a brilliant idea.

Usually, the idea would come entirely, but with this dress, she was making it up as she went along.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Plaid! That is something I haven’t tried using in a long time.

Her mind tried so hard to focus on the task at hand, but she was constantly being distracted by the events of the past few days.

Doctor: Understandable. Ditzy has been completely livid and these events didn’t even physically happen to her.

Ditzy: Even if the characters in the story forgive him, I won’t!

Her heart was aching constantly since she’d been dropped like a rock by the dragon she’d once known. She didn’t love him in return, but appreciated his admiration for her.

Doctor: And they had some good laughs over the years.

Or that was what she thought. Now there was something nagging at her. Why was she so upset over him having finished with his crush on her?

Ditzy: Dear Celestia. A love triangle.

The familiar hoof steps of a younger mare approached her.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Scootaloo? What are you going here?

Doctor: (Scootaloo) I can’t hide it anymore! I love dresses! I want to be a dress maker!

“Sis?” Sweetie Belle’s voice reached out to her. Rarity tore her gaze away from the incomplete dress and looked upon the beautiful figure that was her now maturing younger sister. She smiled at the younger mare who reached a hoof up to her and wiped a tear from her eye. Rarity was surprised to see the tear as she hadn’t realised she’d been crying.

Doctor: I’m completely looking forward to the part where Spike carelessly crushes her heart.

Ditzy: (Sighs)

“Oh dear. How indecent of me. A lady should never cry.” she said, trying to regain a little pride in front of her sister.

“I disagree. Why else would we be able to cry if we aren’t supposed to when we’re sad?” Sweetie belle offered her sister a handkerchief, who in turn took it with great appreciation.

Doctor: And blew into it in a surprisingly lady like manner.

“I suppose you’re right. Thank you.” Rarity said. The younger mare sat down and hummed a little tune to her sister as she grabbed a royal blue cloth roll from the rack and unrolled it with her magic,

Ditzy: Ooo. Maybe she’ll sing a musical number to cheer her sister up.

Doctor: You know that won’t happen.

Ditzy: Awwww….

placing it next to the incomplete design as a suggestion to Rarity. The fashionista blubbered a laugh and nodded.

“Very good. It goes very well with the pale yellow.” she began.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) We should try getting out cutie marks in dressmaking again! I’m going to get the other crusaders! Wait right here! We are going to help you make the best dresses ever!

Doctor: (Rarity) Um, Sweetie that’s quite….alright...Not again.

“It reminds me of the beach, blue and yellow.” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity nodded. That was the theme she was going for.

Doctor: Reminds me of a Macaw.

Ditzy: Or a sunset.

“I don’t think Spike is really gone, Sis.” Sweetie said.

Doctor: Just his mind. It’s the dark powers. They do funny things to people.

“What makes you think I was crying over that jerk?” Rarity asked. Sweetie belle smiled under her sister’s gaze.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) You’re crying while holding an old picture of Spike.

“Well, that question just now makes me think so, because that wasn’t what I was talking about.” Rarity blushed as she’d realised her mistake.

“He’s…not cruel by nature.

Ditzy: He just enjoys the suffering of others!

I think he’s trying to make you all hate him. I don’t know why, but I think I’d do the same thing if I were in his… do dragons wear shoes?” Rarity looked at her sceptically.

Doctor: This fic sure likes to go out of its way to defend Spike.

There was a knock in the door. Sweetie Belle made her way over to answer it. She took one look at the knocker and smiled.

Doctor: It was the other Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Rarity, it’s for you.” she called out.

“Coming!” she replied cheerily. The figure at the door chuckled.

Ditzy: Here we go.

“Subtle.” Sweetie Belle opened the door further to allow him entry. She didn’t notice the second figure until she stepped through.

Doctor: (Twilight) Studying those ninja training guides is really paying off.

“Oh, hey Twilight, I didn’t see you there. I thought Spike had come on his own.” The two figures smiled and addressed her properly.

Doctor: With a bow.

“Well I need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t try and finish what she started with the mug.” Spike began. Twilight stuck her tongue out at him cheekily.

All: …

Doctor: I think the author severely underestimates just how serious suicide and depression are.

“And I need to help him apologise to Rarity because he’s an ass and will undoubtedly stuff it up. Because that’s what he’s hoping to do.” she retorted. The two of them grinned at each other.

Ditzy: It will be a cold day in Tartarus before that happens.

“Looks like you two have gotten back together… in a non-romantic way.” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity entered their field of vision and stopped. She took one look at Spike and grew a dark face.

Ditzy: And threw everything she could get her hooves on at him!

“Twilight, darling. Welcome to the boutique.” she said, ignoring Spike presence.

Doctor: Deeply insulting Spike.

“Hello, Rarity. I thought it would be a good idea to pay you a visit.” Twilight said. Rarity hurried the unicorn into the lounge, leaving Spike with Sweetie Belle.

Ditzy: (Spike) Wait! Come back please!

Doctor: (Sweetie) I have so many questions for you!

“I get the feeling they’re embarrassed of me.” Spike said. Sweetie Belle chuckled and closed the door behind her.

Doctor: (Spike) Was the paperbag on my head really necessary?

“I like it when she pretends we’re not there. I always manage to best her by playing around with her designs. Then she addresses me and I win.” Spike laughed.

“You’re still as cheeky as ever, I see.” They walked together into the lounge. The eye contact was instant. Spike kept his gaze on the white mare as he grinned, passing by some very nice designs.

Doctor: Spike started kicking them to get Rarity’s attention.

He was going to take a little revenge for all the times he’d helped her and she discarded him at the end of the day.

Ditzy: (Spike) Directly into a trash bin too!

He found an unused ponnequin and stood behind it, drawing Rarity’s attention.

Ditzy: (Spike) I’ll show her who the better dressmaker is!

“Hey Sweetie Belle, look. Scalret Pimpony.” he then proceeded to dry hump the doll. Sweetie Belle burst out laughing as Rarity screamed at the display. Twilight hid her face as a big blush began to form.

All: (Disgusted) Ugh.

Ditzy: I feel unclean now.

Doctor: Little did Spike know that the mannequin was actually an Auton and it shot him.

“Spike, cut that out right now!” Rarity galloped over to the dragon who in turn, leaped over her and clung to the ceiling, his clawed feet digging into the roof.

Ditzy: Hey! Are you going to pay for that?

Doctor: It might be a good idea to burn the mannequin.

“Now I have your attention, I’ll say what I came here to say.”

Doctor: Or you could have just done a polite cough.

Twilight moved away from beneath Spike, the fear of him losing grip and crashing on top of her frightened her slightly. Rarity looked at the dragon’s feet and growled at him.

Ditzy: And now he’s tracking mud too!

“You’ve had plenty of chances to get it good with me. You could have responded positively to my expressions of love for you, you could have denied me from the very beginning. Instead, you dragged me along. You made me believe I had a chance with you, you used me and dropped me back into Twilight’s care at the end of the day. Granted, you rewarded me with gems and the like, but they weren’t what I wanted in the greater scheme of things.”

Ditzy: (Spike) I wanted you to make me a pretty dress!

Spike removed one foot from the ceiling, revealing the holes he’d left behind, then then dug into another part of the roof, which made Rarity groan.

Doctor: (Rarity) And I just had that fixed after Rainbow Dash crashed into it!

“I’ll admit, I was young… er. A baby dragon,

Doctor: Technically you are still one. Compared to most dragons, you aren’t even out of the crib yet.

I can see how that wouldn’t make for a life partner. But if you simply said that you’d wait for me to grow up, I might have waited for that.

Ditzy: You do realize that would never work right?

You know when you ask somepony something and you get an answer that doesn’t make any sense?

Ditzy: (Spike) Like whenever I ask Twilight something.

It was kind of like that with us. You see, I’m grown up now.

Doctor: Yet you act like petulant teenager, maybe not even that.

But because you didn’t give me any sign that you’d wait for me… well look where we are.”

Doctor: Didn’t you say in an earlier chapter you never gave her the chance to return your feelings?

He released his grip on the roof and landed on the ground with his hands.

All: Claws.

He spread his legs and flung them around in a dual-roundhouse kick before pushing against the ground to land on his feet.

Doctor: Spike is Chuck Norris.

Rarity and the others stared at him with awe.

Ditzy: That was both stupid and pointless.

“I’m stronger, faster, and more powerful than you.

Doctor: Spike, more powerful than your average fashionesta.

Your love for gems could have been requited, what with dragons being natural collectors of such things.

Ditzy: (Spike) I personally collect pogs.

But you’ve lost it all because you didn’t say four little words; ‘I’ll wait for you’.

Ditzy: (Rarity) But darling you never gave me the chance.

” He’d strolled up to Rarity and was now in his face. She was speechless yet again

Doctor: Because no one is ever allowed to defend themselves from Spike.

and Twilight was having a hard time getting the image of Spike humping the ponnequin out of her mind.

All: (Facehoofs)

Sweetie Belle had emerged from the kitchen with drinks for everypony.

Ditzy: Can I get a diet Coke?

“I…” Spike shushed her by placing a finger over her lips.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m not done insulting and humiliating you yet.

“Hush little filly, don’t say a word… Spikey’s gonna buy you a mocking bird.” he then returned to Twilight’s side, singing the rest of the tune.

Ditzy: We finally get a musical number and this is what we get?

“And if that mocking bird don’t sing, well forget the diamond ring.”

Ditzy: You will have to settle with cubic zirconia.

he said. Twilight cleared her throat.

Doctor: (Twilight) That isn’t how the song goes Spike. It’s ‘Mama's, or this case Spike’s, gonna buy you a diamond ring’.

“How was that for an apology?” the dragon asked.

Ditzy: I think you need to look up what the word apology means.

“Perhaps we should have booked an appointment at the spa.” Twilight replied, looking back at the events that just unfolded.

Doctor: Of course she isn’t going to scold him for this or get the least bit angry.

The young dragon chuckled.

Doctor: (Spike) Perfect, I could smother her in the mud bath!

“Mud fight.” he called over to Sweetie Belle who giggled in response.

Rarity sucked in air and glared daggers at the dragon.

“And what about now, Spikey? Surely you didn’t come to that realisation all of a sudden? So what changed? What caused you to stop loving me?” she challenged. Spike grinned at her.

Doctor: (Spike) I found somepony that actually appreciates me! Isn’t that right Twilight?

Ditzy: (Twilight) Gasp! I just remembered that Quills and Sofas is having a sale on quills today! Spike! Get a parchment so we can create a checklist!

“Dunno, maybe it was the lack of green.” he replied. Rarity hated that colour to no end.

Doctor: The green mane incident haunted her to this day.

“Well I’m sorry if I don’t mix and match poorly, unlike some dragon I know, who has a thing for moustaches.” Spike laughed.

“I’m over those. I’m thinking of growing a goatee now. And I’ll make sure it’s as green as your envy.” he said, leaning over her.

Ditzy: (Rarity) How does he know about my goatee fantasies?

“Who or what could I possibly envy?”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure Scootaloo told you about the white dragoness I was shacking up with

Doctor: Glad to see just how little Spike cares about the fact she was brutally murdered.

Ditzy: She was eaten right in front of him!

who looked like you but didn’t smell like raw fish from the tail down.”

Ditzy: This coming from somepony that rarely baths?

Rarity growled at him.

Doctor: (Rarity) Accursed Crusaders and their Surströmming prank.

“Oh, that is the rankest cynicism.”

“In which way? Literally or figuratively?” he asked, motioning to her flank as he stated the prior. Rarity frowned at him.

“You’d probably think both, you’re that dense. But let’s move on to you, shall we? You’ve grown tall, sure, but I’m willing to bet you haven’t grown any longer since the day you left.”

Doctor: Are we really going here?

Ditzy: How is this something Rarity would say? It’s too… um...uncouth!

Sweetie Belle and Twilight watched the fight go either way; neither one ready to get in between it.

Ditzy: Because that is total in character for the both of them.

“I think Rainbow Dash can attest to quite the opposite.” he retorted. Rarity growled at him.

“So you’ve had a session with the whore of Cloudsdale then, have you? I’m not surprised.”

All: Woah woah woah.

Doctor: Where did this animosity between Rarity and Rainbow Dash come from?

“Oh yes. We discussed your sex life briefly afterward. It had to be brief because there wasn’t much of a sex life to talk about regarding you. You can try Rarity, you can try so hard to make yourself look pretty for the Stallions, but once they get a load of your dried up old prune of a pussy,

Doctor: Leave Opal out of this. She looks good for her age.

it becomes public knowledge that you have the sex appeal of an aardvark.”

All: An aardvark?

Rarity subconsciously sat down on the floor afterward, still eager to face him?

Ditzy: Especially after that witty aardvark line.

“At least I wasn’t tricked into believing I had a shot with somepony as talented as myself.”

“Oh yes, the fashionista with a superiority complex; whoops, tautology.

Ditzy: Pot calling the kettle black.

Face the facts, Rarity. You hide behind your make-up and your designs because you believe that your natural self isn’t worth the life it was given.”

Ditzy: That isn’t even one of Rarity’s flaws. She just wants to make everything beautiful.

“Spike! Stop now. Keep that up and she’ll be suicidal too.” Twilight gave Spike a bemused look, which he caught instantly.

Ditzy: How is this something to joke about?! Twilight almost died! Twice!

The dragon leaned closer to Rarity, his head beside hers and he whispered into her ear.

“Just remember that I’m done with you.” he stood at his full height and walked to the other two ponies.

“Remember why I’m doing this, Twi.” he said, going past her.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m protecting her!

He let himself out and closed the door ever so casually.

Ditzy: And now he’s breaking doors too?

Twilight looked at the now rattled designer.

Ditzy: (Twilight) He meant well really!

“Sorry, Rarity. I’d hoped he’d actually apologize for everything he’d said. But it seems as though he’s still in conflict about whether to stay.” Rarity looked at her friend.

Doctor: (Rarity) How does that make anything better?!

“You mean he didn’t mean any of that?” she asked. Twilight shook her head.

“At least… not all of it.

Ditzy: (Twilight) He’s right about you being a dried up old prune.

He’s trying to make us all hate him so we won’t miss him when he goes again.

Ditzy: Stupidest plan ever.

So far that’s all gone to hell with Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Now I’m beginning to accept him into the group again. I can tell that he won’t try to upset Fluttershy, and Pinkie’s surprisingly evasive, given the situation.” Rarity rose to her hooves and sighed with relief.

Doctor: (Rarity) I instantly forgive him!

“Thank goodness. The things he said to me… I nearly died of a heart attack. The white mare grabbed one of the drinks that Sweetie Belle still had on the tray and guzzled it down.

Doctor: So she just stood there, not going to her sister’s defence at all?

“He planned this out well.

Ditzy: Not really considering it completely failed.

Doctor: And multiple times!

I didn’t think he could do something like this. Plan his own social exile before he even returned?”

Doctor: Or he could have just avoided going to Ponyville from the start and not get involved with any of his old friends.

Twilight shuddered at the thought.

Doctor: Yes, a real Sun Tzu.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m determined to keep him here. He’s just trying to protect us.” Rarity nodded.

Ditzy: Does Spike realize his friends are perfectly capable of defending themselves?

“I understand, darling. I’ll try my best to ignore today’s poor attempt at an apology.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) If you can excuse me. I need to burn a mannequin.

Spike remained by the front door, listening to the conversation that ensued afterward. His plan had been thwarted yet again. Being an asshole was starting to become redundant.

Doctor: Won’t stop him from trying.

“Shit!” he muttered to himself as he strolled back home to the Library.

All: That’s our Spike!

Ditzy: Serious though, he can die in Tartarus!

Doctor: If only yellow guy hadn’t died. This story would have been a lot more entertaining.

Ditzy: Definitely.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Doctor.” Ditzy turned to face the Doctor as they left the theater. “I know you said you want to learn to cook on your own, but is it okay if I help you along a bit by suggesting some good books for you to read?”

The Doctor smiled. “That would be lovely.”

Ditzy perked up. “I can think of at least 5 or 6 of them that you would find really helpful!”

“Dinky, is it okay for us to pick them up quickly before going back to our room?” The Doctor asked while looking at the view screen.

“As long as you’re in your room in 20 minutes, it’s fine by me.” Dinky replied.

“Doctor, you are really going to love ‘Canterlot Delights’. I don’t think I would be even half the cook without it.” Ditzy said happily as the two walked down the hallway to the library.

“Doctor, something has been bothering me.” Ditzy asked slowing down her pace a bit. The Doctor slowed down with her.

“Oh, what is it?” The Doctor asked.

“It doesn’t make sense. Why are some things nice and new and others old and worn?” Ditzy asked. “Like the books, most of the books in the library are used or just old library books. Yet everything in the kitchen is brand new.”

“I think I have an answer to that.” The Doctor responded. “Almost everything in this facility is actually a hard light hologram.”

“So they are holograms?” Ditzy said tilting her head.

“Yes, when I was in my workroom, I saw a piece of machinery I was working with disappear in the corner of my eye in a flash of light.” The Doctor replied. “It explains quite a bit. Why, for example, did beautiful, elaborate garden just suddenly appear almost overnight?”

“It does explain why the garden is always pristine and upkeep without us doing anything.” Ditzy asked curiously. “So why aren’t the books holograms?”

“Impractical. It would waste a lot of processing power and memory to replicate an entire book.”

“I see, it would need to recreate every single page of the book.” Ditzy said following the line of logic. “And that would be pointless and wasteful when you could just buy the book from a used bookstore and put it on a shelf.”

“Indeed. I also suspect the contents of a room disappear when we aren’t in them to save power.”

“So, I guess that means you have been just wasting time in your workroom then.” Ditzy sighed.

“Maybe, but I don’t think so.” Doctor said quietly.

“You still might be able to use it to escape?” Ditzy asked in a hushed tone.

“Yes.” The Doctor said almost inaudibly.

“But they’re just holograms.” Ditzy whispered. “What can they possibly do?”

“You’ll see.” The Doctor smirked. He wasn’t beaten yet.

“Heey… There he is. My ol’ buddy bud-bud.” she proceeded to wobble into the Library and take a seat on the couch across from the fireplace.

Episode 9 - Part 2 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 11

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 9 - Part 2

“Alright, you got my attention. Let’s go.” Spike said without any argument.

Doctor: (Spike) Though the spears are rather rude.

The guards removed their spears from around Spike’s throat and proceeded to escort him out the door.

“No!” Twilight cried, fighting past the guards that still held her in place. Their spears nicked her throat, but she ignored them as she fought her way to her oldest friend.

Doctor: Using Equestrian Aikido.

She was knocked back by a barrier erected by her mentor, Celestia.

“No, Twilight. I’m fully aware of your situation, and normally, I wouldn’t interfere with your reunion so unprofessionally, but I’m drawing on straws here. The situation is desperate in order to avoid a terrible outcome that the Elements of Harmony can’t fix.”

Doctor: Ah yes, the one thing the great magic of harmony and friendship can’t fix, petty politics.

Celestia was gentle with her student, but strong enough to stop her from moving against the wall. Twilight struggled as hard as she could.

“Twilight, I’ll be fine. Come and say goodbye before I leave.” Spike said with a casual demeanour. Celestia released the Barrier and Twilight followed at a calmer pace.

Ditzy: Her mane was only slightly disheveled and she only twitched a little bit.

A carriage was waiting outside to transport the Princess and the dragon back to Canterlot. Handcuffs were placed around Spike’s wrists,

Doctor: Hoofcuffs.

labelling him a prisoner.

Ditzy: And not a dragon that’s into…

Doctor: Ditzy.

Ditzy: Sorry.

The other five Elements had noticed the ruckus and had made their way over to inspect the trouble.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash noted that the spears weren’t up to code. A certain captain would hear of this.

“Hey, what are you doing with Spike?!” Rainbow Dash demanded of one of the guards. She failed to see Celestia standing beside Twilight.

Ditzy: And ponies say I have bad eyesight.

“Spike is being placed under arrest for breaking the truce between our kind and that of the gryphons. The peace treaties have been broken and as such a resolution is required in order to avoid war.” Celestia replied.

Ditzy: How did he do that? Did he invade the Griffon kingdom or something?

“But Spike’s not a pony, he isn’t involved in the treaties.” Twilight argued. Celestia shook her head.

“Spike is pony-hatched. The treaties state that he is officially one of us.” The six ponies grew dismayed faces.

Ditzy: Don’t you mean he’s an Equestrian citizen? He was born in Equestria.

“Exactly how has he broken the treaties any who?” Applejack asked.

“He has been charged with the mass slaughter of numerous scouting parties within their territory.” There was a minute’s silence.

Ditzy: It was self defence. They attacked him first!

Doctor: So they are claiming that Equestria is harboring a fugitive that has done grievous harm to Griffon Kingdom?

The ponies expected Spike to make a complaint about the charge but he said nothing.

Ditzy: So it’s true then?

Doctor: Silence speaks louder than words.

“Is it true, Spike?” Twilight asked. Spike looked at her and shook his head.

“I would argue that the gryphons are exaggerating their territorial status, but I think I’ll save it for the hearing. Assuming you’re not going to pull that out of character for Equestrian law?” Spike asked, glaring at the Princess. Celestia swallowed for a second before entering the carriage.

Ditzy: Er, what?

Doctor: Yes, let’s all fear the big bad Spike.

“Say your goodbyes, Spike.” she muttered. The young dragon looked to Twilight immediately. The pony ran to him. He raised his bound arms and rested them over her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Doctor: Into a Pinkie Pie-like death hug.

“I’ll come back soon, Twi. I promise.” he whispered into her ear. The mare broke down and cried on his shoulder.

Doctor: The poor dear.

Spike just continued to hold her close, saying nothing else the entire time. When Twilight had composed herself again, her eyes were puffy and red. She smiled at him reassuringly and reached out to kiss him. Spike didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. Some of the guards shuffled around in their armour, uncomfortable with the display before them.

Ditzy: (Guard) Eww. He has cooties now!

The other five ponies looked around to make sure nopony else was watching, and that they weren’t giving the couple revolted looks.

Doctor: (Pony) Ew, do they need to make such of show of it.

Ditzy: (Pony) They look moments away from doing it right there!

Twilight broke the kiss with a blush. “I love you.” she declared, giving him a second little smooch. The young dragon smiled.

Ditzy: While trying to not gag from Twilight’s breath.

“I’ll come back for you…” he turned his eyes back towards Celestia. “One way or another.”

Ditzy: Oh, maybe you can come back as ghost?

Celestia winced at the statement. She knew then that things would not go as smoothly as she’d hoped.

Ditzy: Celestia winced? Really?

Doctor: Is this story really trying to convince us Spike is that scary?

The carriage had left Ponyville and was making its short trek to Canterlot. Spike sat in the carriage across from Celestia who looked at the dragon with cautious eyes. Spike had been sitting back with his eyes closed, possibly asleep.

Ditzy: He had his mouth open and was drooling, so it was probably true.

Celestia wondered what the future held for Spike and her student.

Doctor: Maybe a house with two children with a picket fence.

Given his statement, war might have been inevitable from the start. She knew Spike would have gained a draconic personality during his years living with them, but she’d hoped that his love for his friends would trump that in the greater scheme of things. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Ditzy: She knew he would do something really stupid turning the trial.

The carriage jerked as it touched the stone walkways of Canterlot’s Royal Palace entrance. Spike’s eyes snapped open, surprising the Princess. He was more animalistic than she’d expected.

Doctor: Spike often stopped to sniff trees and sometimes urinated on them.

The guards circled around the carriage, waiting for Spike to emerge. Celestia went first, walking clear of the circle before Spike emerged. Unicorn Guards immediately placed warding spells around the dragon, cutting off his magic. One of two methods he required to escape if the shit hit the fan was blocked off from him. He was led into the palace,

Ditzy: Wait, they didn’t tell us what the other method was.

where the main hall seated the Royal court, including Blue Blood who looked as pompous as ever. Spike tested his magic, seeing transparent magical spikes piercing his surface. His core magical centre was cut off from the rest of his body.

Ditzy: It was covered in caramel.

His confidence was reduced to half, but he was certain he could escape should the need arise.

Doctor: He knew those lessons from Hoofdini would come in handy on day.

Spike looked around to see the High king of the Gryphon Kingdom seated beside the thrones of the Royal Princesses. His eyes focused on the young dragon as he came into view. Spike was forced to stand in the centre of the hall. The trial was about to begin.

Doctor: Great, an extradition hearing. This could literally take months even years.

Ditzy: Luckily Princess Celestia got Phoenix Wright to defend him.

“Spike. You are charged with the deaths of no less than several dozen gryphon scouts, who were found killed near the border of their territory. How do you plead?” there was a mare reading from a small piece of parchment. She was dressed like a judge, but lacked the presence to be called one.

Ditzy: She insisted on wearing bunny ears at the trial.

“Not guilty. The Gryphons reside in the Eastern and North Eastern regions East of Equestria. My home was situated five miles south of their border. I never directly attacked their people, but instead left them be unless they approached my mountain peak.” Spike replied. The Gryphon king huffed in contempt.

Doctor: Great, now we are going to go into territorial disputes. This chapter is going to take forever.

“Royal guards investigated the site of the most recent assault and concluded that their bodies were in fact within their border.” the mare stated. Spike looked at the Gryphon king who had a smirk on his face.

“Really?” Spike asked. The mare nodded. “Did the guards find blood?” he asked.

Ditzy: Wait. Why doesn’t Spike have a lawyer?

The king’s smirk dropped immediately.

Ditzy: (King) Oh no. He saw through my incredibly obvious lie!

“What?” the mare asked.

“Well, the only way for them to prove that those gryphons died in that place is if the area was covered in blood, and not just their bodies.”

Doctor: Among other things.

The mare checked her records and raised a brow. “There doesn’t seem to be any case of blood having been discovered on anything but the bodies.”

Doctor: (Investigator) Isn’t isn’t a little strange that the amount of blood on the crime scene isn’t consistent with the way the Griffons were killed, and there doesn’t seem to be a sign of a struggle at all.

Ditzy: (Investigator 2) Ignore it. The Griffon wouldn’t lie to us!

“This is ridiculous! Where he killed them does not matter.

Doctor: Oh course it does! You whole case revolves around the fact that Griffons were killed on Griffon territory!

Ditzy: If it doesn’t matter, why did you move the bodies in the first place?

The fact still remains, my subjects have been slaughtered. I demand recompence!” the king rose to his haunches and pointed a talon at the dragon.

Doctor: (King) My cousin Larry was in that group!

“And you should know that there were six of us. If you’re demanding revenge for your lost flock, then should I not also be demanding revenge on the brood that said flock stole from me?”

“That would be the case if you were someone of importance among your kind.”

Doctor: Why should that matter? Blood was spilled either way.

the king replied. Spike grinned.

Ditzy: Well, Spike was raised by Celestia. So that sorta makes him a prince.

“I’m a pony-hatched dragon that once belonged to Princess Celestia’s pupil. In Equestria, that’s just short of Nobility.

All: Not really.

In Dragon territory, I’m an infamous Crimelord

Ditzy: Wait wait. Crimelord? Did Spike deal with drugs or something?

that not even the Dragon King bucks with. So what say you?”

All: (Laughs)

Ditzy: Sure, whatever you say Spike.

Doctor: Even though your little group was easily wiped out by a group of Griffons?

Spike was grinning from cheek to cheek, giving himself a crazed look.

Ditzy: Somepony get the ponies in the white coats!

Celestia interrupted the banter and walked up to Spike. “While I agree your place in our society is more or less accurate… Spike, the Gryphon king is threatening to go to war if you don’t agree to go with him. Every pony in Equestria will be in danger.”

Doctor: Please tell me you aren’t going along with this. He doesn’t have a case at all.

Ditzy: So Celestia isn’t using her legal knowhow and trickery to get Spike out of this?

Spike was surprised to see Celestia was silently pleading with him to do the right thing.

Ditzy: Come on! Princess Celestia raised him from an egg. She’s like a mother to him. She would never do anything like this!

Doctor: How is this the right thing exactly? He’s innocent!

He could see it in her eyes. A chuckle escaped his lungs, drawing Celestia back a step.

Doctor: Does the author realize just how hard it is to spook Celestia? She has seen things that make Spike cry like a little foal.

“So you say you’re being threatened to give me up, regardless of the trial’s outcome, all for the sake of protecting your kingdom?” he asked. There was uncomfortable silence for the next few seconds.

Doctor: But this makes Equestria look weak. Which will only give the Griffon Kingdom all the more reason to bully and push around Equestria and make even more ridiculous demands.

“Y-ye-.” Celestia was cut off.

Doctor: Are you kidding me! Celestia would never sell out one of her subjects like that! Even with the prospect of war!

There was a loud crack as Spike’s clawed foot collided with her face. There was an audible gasp from everypony in the court as Celestia flew back into her throne, which wasn’t strong enough support the force her body made against its back. Luna leaned away from the broken throne, her eyes wider than the plates she often ate from.

Ditzy: And he immediately gets swarmed by guards that beat him into submission.

Spike stood straight and ripped the cuffs apart, making a pair of nice bracelets for himself.

Ditzy: (Spike) They’re so pretty! I hope Twilight likes them.

Doctor: (Guard) I knew we shouldn’t have used cuffs made of cheap plastic.

“You all think I give a shit about Equestria? There’s only one thing I care about, and I’m going to kill any gryphon or pony that gets in my way. Royalty is no exception. So prepare your bodies, bitches. I’m about reign hell down on the Gryphon kingdom, and any ponies get in my way are going to be treated like gryphons too. Since the truth is irrelevant, I’ll kill on sight. So you all better duck. Because I’m about to turn left, and I don’t wanna smack you with my dick!”

Doctor: (Spike) Because that would actually be pretty painful.

Spike laughed at the ruckus he’d caused and headed for the nearest window.

Ditzy: Unfortunately he was turned into a pincushion by crossbow bolts and spears.

The royal guards followed after him as fast as they could, but he was out of there before they could gather themselves.

Doctor: Of course, no one is allowed to be competent except Spike.

“Celestia, Luna! I expect you to aid our people in this time of need.” the Gryphon king replied. Celestia had been knocked unconscious,

All: What?!

Ditzy: No way! Even with his dark powers, there is no way he could do something like that!

Doctor: Wasn’t his power sealed away for the time being.

which left Luna in charge to make the ultimate decision. She rose off her throne.

“My apologies, your highness. But the treaties dictate that under circumstances such as this, when a dragon, pony-hatched or not declares war on either of our species,

Doctor: What an oddly specific clause to have in your treaty with the Griffons.

the other is to refrain from aiding in order to preserve the pride of the one at war. Those were the conditions your great grandfather signed with Celestia four hundred years ago following the war between our species.

Ditzy: So to put it simply, you’re out of luck.

As today’s urban youth pronounces it; ‘you’ve made your bed, now lay in it’.” Luna said.

Ditzy: (Luna) We are so hip and street now!

Some members of the royal court had gathered their heads after the fiasco with Spike and had verbally acknowledged their agreement with Luna’s decision.

Doctor: So… no one cares that Celestia just got knocked out?

Ditzy: Right now Princess Luna should be demanding for Spike’s impalement, and that his corpse should be displayed on the castle lawn as reminder to all that would defy the crown.

Doctor: Celestia should really talk to Luna about that.

“But the treaties were broken.”

Doctor: No, no it wasn’t. It has been followed to the letter.

“Then we have nothing further to discuss and you are a trespasser on our land. Be gone with you.” The gryphon king growled at the dark princess.

Ditzy: You tell this crazy blowhard Luna!

“You will regret this, Luna. I shall send every single gryphon under my rule to fight against you and this dark dragon.” with that said, the gryphon king swept away from the palace, intent on returning home.

Ditzy: (King) How dare you defy me you meanie head!

“So it’s a three-way war, your majesty?” asked one of the Nobles. Luna made a heavy sigh. Her mind was just as confused as the ponies she’d surrounded herself with.

Doctor: Agreed. That trial made no sense.

“No, we’re going to help Spike. This is not the first time I’ve disagreed with my sister’s judgement, but I’m certain that she was in the wrong. Too many dangers these past few years have made her paranoid and she’s beginning to care more for the safety of Equestria than the justice she once deemed the highest priority. If somepony among you believes I have made a mistake, please, let me know. I don’t know what I am doing and I would like a nudge in the right direction.” Nopony objected to her decision. The next war was beginning immediately, and Luna would be leading it against the advice and authority of her older sister, when she woke up.

Doctor: What a contrived reason to make Celestia the bad guy in this situation.

Spike ran as fast as he could through the back alleys of Canterlot’s streets. As he ran, he tried picking the locks on his broken handcuffs.

All: Hoofcuffs!

He’d managed to get one of them off, but the locking mechanism on the second was proving too difficult for him to control. While he would just use magic to remove the cuff, the wards the guards had placed on him were still in effect. He had to rely on his strength and speed. Dark magic had been taken off his agenda, but regular magic was something they hadn’t taken into account.

Ditzy: Shouldn’t the wards have stopped both of them?

Doctor: Why would they overlook that?

With that, Spike’s wings shot out of his back, their reverse position making it extremely easy for the guards to find him,

Ditzy: Yeah, because obviously Spike would invisibly fit in the crowds if he didn’t.

but he could handle them. He could handle anything.

Ditzy: Of course Spike escapes easily.

Doctor: The story almost had tension for a few seconds there.

“I’m coming home, Twilight. Just wait for me.”

Doctor: Right at this moment a certain pegasus named Flash Sentry walked into town and caught Twilight’s eye.

The Librarian looked up from her book as she thought she’d heard her name.

“Twiight!” the soft whisper of Fluttershy’s voice reached the unicorn’s ears and she looked toward the source. Fluttershy was floating just outside her bedroom window, in a rush to get in.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Twilight it’s horrible! Zombies are everywhere!

“Fluttershy? What are you doing here? Come in through the front door like everypony else.” Fluttershy yipped quietly as she forced her way through the window, disobeying Twilight’s order.

Ditzy: Wow, things must be desperate.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed, clearly frustrated with the Pegasus. “What’s going on?”

The scared yellow Pegasus took a second to calm down. “Oh, Twilight. It’s terrible. All my animals went mad. They’ve up and left my home and they all went west.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) They said something about becoming big time stars in Las Pegasus.

It isn’t the time of the year for them to migrate and even Angel bunny, who doesn’t leave my side hopped as fast as his little bunny legs could take him.” Fluttershy stopped to take a breath. “Something’s coming, Twilight and the animals can sense it.”

Doctor: No, they refused to take any part in the story.

Suddenly, Rarity and Applejack burst through the door.

Doctor: (Rarity) Freeze! Fashion Police!

“Girls, what is this? A siesta?! Get out of my room and go about your business.” the lavender unicorn demanded. Applejack placed her hooves on Twilight’s shoulders and took in a deep breath.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Twi, this is serious! This is no time from some frou frou party!

“Twilight, Gilda’s back and she’s hurtin’ bad. Dash is with her right now and she’s sayin’ that the gryphons are goin’ to war against Equestria.” Applejack let in more air and continued. “She said that she was attacked by her own kind because they found out she was tryin’ to warn us.”

Twilight grew wide-eyed as she registered this information in her head.

Doctor: It took some time because it had to sign several forms that needed to be triple checked before being turned in.

“Negotiations must have broken down in Canterlot. That could mean Spike’s either on the run from both the gryphons and us… or he’s dead.” the latter option didn’t sit well with anypony.

Ditzy: If only we could be so lucky.

Twilight hurried out of her room and told Applejack to lead the way to Gilda.

It was a three minute gallop to the Apple Family farm,

Ditzy: What?! From the library? That is ridiculous.

where Gilda was resting on a bale of hay. She really looked worse for wear.

“Goodness, Gilda… how did all this happen?” Twilight asked.

“My boyfriend likes it rough, what do you think happened?

Doctor: There is no need to get snippy.

The others caught me trying to warn you dweebs. And why did I do it? Mainly because I still like Dash, but I also owe that ass of a dragon my life twice, so I just have to do all this once more and I’d be ‘Even Steven’ with him.” Gilda coughed up some blood as she spoke.

Ditzy: Coughing up blood? ...I don’t think she has very long left to live…

“That doesn’t look good. Well, let’s get you healed so you can repay your debt to Spike once more.”

Doctor: With three easy payments.

Twilight lifted the Gryphon with her magic slowly.

“Dash?” Gilda called out. Rainbow Dash was by her side in an instant. “I missed you.” Gilda raised her talon to Rainbow Dash who took it instantly.

Ditzy: Awww…..

“You can tell me just how much you missed me when you’re up and flying like the old days.” Dash replied. Sadly, things don’t always go as planned. Another gryphon landed on the levitated Gilda, slamming her back into the ground. This one was bigger and darker; a big male.

Ditzy: Where did he come from? Was he hiding in the trees?

“NO!” Dash cried out, checking Gilda to see if she was still alive. Dash couldn’t tell if she’d bought it or was knocked out by the impact. The big gryphon kicked Dash away from her friend and three more joined him, circling the five ponies, sans Pinkie who was nowhere in sight.

Ditzy: Ready to strike them with her party cannon at any moment.

“Look what we have here boys, a bunch of fillies and a near-dead pony lover.” The big male picked Gilda up by the neck and tossed her to the group. Twilight caught her in her aura and rested her next to Dash who stood over the gryphon to protect her from further harm.

Twilight looked at the four big male gryphons and saw a wildness in their eyes that contrasted Spike’s when he first came back.

Ditzy: I don’t remember anything about that before.

These gryphons were elite. A chorus of screams sounded throughout Ponyville and Twilight realised that the war had begun as quickly as it had been declared.

Doctor: But war was only declared about five minutes ago! Where did they come from?

And a single thought came to her mind. Spike.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This is all your fault.

Episode 9 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 12

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 9 - Part 3

The town was bathed in screams as ponies were either being tortured or killed on the spot.

Ditzy: T-tortured?

Doctor: The Griffons are suppose to be the bad guys. Can you tell?

The Gryphons had gone for the most vulnerable town in Equestria.

Doctor: Why? Why not go after the one with the most strategic value?

Ditzy: Why are they attacking civilians first?

Doctor: I guess the Griffons don’t care about little things like war crimes.

Twilight and the others, along with the nearly-dead Gilda, were surrounded by four elite Gryphon hunters. One of them stood right in front of Twilight, his head arched down.

“What are any of you going to do? Ponies are weak,

Ditzy: You’re in for a surprise! Twilight is going to wipe the floor with you in seconds!

Doctor: (Sighs) Are you really this stupid?

so there must be some reason that bitch over there chose you over her kind.

Doctor: It’s called compassion.

What was it? Was it the fear she inspired that made her feel like she was on top of the world? Was she turned by that pitiful flight school up in Cloudsdale? Perhaps she just likes the plot.”

Ditzy: Is the concept of friendship that foreign to you?

The gryphon reached a talon over and grabbed Twilight’s flank, making her blush as well as cry out in slight pain.

Doctor: Really? Are we really going here?

Ditzy: Like Twilight hasn’t suffered enough.

He let go immediately; he was not about to touch a pony any longer than he had to, disgusting creatures as they were in his eyes.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Okay, we get it. He’s evil.

“So what makes you all so special? Perhaps you over there can tell me?” the hunter looked at Rainbow Dash as he spoke.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ha! You’re talking to the one and only pony to ever perform a sonic rainboom!

Twilight took the chance to erect a barrier. The gryphon drew his head back, one of his feathers scorched as it touched the surface. He grinned.

“Not bad, pony. But there was a reason we were such formidable enemies to you ponies centuries ago. Our bodies produce a natural oil that acts as a solution for anti-magic. That barrier won’t hold long enough for you to gasp.”

All: How convenient.

Doctor: That doesn’t make as immune to magic as you think. Sounds like something that can be easily worked around.

Ditzy: Yeah, like what if Twilight threw a rock at him at high speeds?

Doctor: If magic fire was thrown at him, does that mean he is immune to the heat the fire creates?

The Gryphon clenched his talon and punched the barrier.

Doctor: Wait. If Griffons are naturally immune to magic, why was Twilight able to catch Gilda with her magic?

Ditzy: And why did it scorch one of his feather?

Sure enough, it shattered, knocking Twilight back into Fluttershy who yelped in surprise. The gryphons around their leader laughed as he did, their chortles sounding like a train wreck.

Ditzy: Are you kidding me! Twilight is pretty much the next Star Swirl the Bearded! It shouldn’t be this easy!

Doctor: Clearly this is just a contrivance so Spike can play the hero.

“So, which of you ponies has the guts to try and fight me? I mean, you won’t have any guts afterward, but you might as well show them to me before I rip ‘em out! So, who’s first?” he demanded.

Ditzy: (Griffon) Boy I love being evil! Hey Lloyd, after this how about we burn down a puppy farm?

Among the screams, there was an indescribable sound that repeated. It grew louder and clear as it approached. The leader tilted his head as he tried to make the word out.

“-ne, Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine!”

Ditzy: Seagulls?

The next thing any pony or gryphon saw/heard was a loud crashing sound, followed by bones breaking and a squawk from the gryphons’ leader.

Doctor: Well that didn’t take very long.

Ditzy: Beaten by seagulls, how humiliating.

A cloud of dust erupted from the impact and everyone’s vision was barred as sounds continued to escape the wall. Ripping and chewing sounds could be heard, as well as more bone breaking. The dust showed no sign of clearing, but it was forced apart by two large, very strange wings that hung upside down from a Purple and green Dragon’s back.

Ditzy: I still have no idea why he can’t have normal wings.

Doctor: Those wings aren’t cool fic, stop trying to convince us otherwise.

The ponies looked at him in awe. He was completely different from the Spike they’d seen before. He was wild and without sense.

Ditzy: He started prancing around while doing ballet.

His clawed hands were stained in gryphon blood and what was once the surrounding gryphons’ leader was now a shredded husk of red meat and feathers, with bites taken out of it.

Doctor: (Spike) Despite what you might think, Griffons don’t taste like chicken.

Spike’s tail flicked up and down, showing sharp, pointy barbs on the end.

Ditzy: He must ruin a lot of furniture with that thing.

The gryphons took one look at him and realised their primary target was standing right in front of them.

Ditzy: (Griffon) Oh hi! Can I get an autograph? I’m a huge fan!

“You son of a bitch!” one of the gryphons shouted out at him. While Spike would have made a comment on that, he just growled with glee and swung his tail.

Ditzy: Spile used Tail Whip! Enemy Griffon defence fell!

The gryphon was impaled on the spikes immediately. The muscles in the dragon’s tail worked with ease as the husk of yet another gryphon was lifted into the air and sent flying upward. He then shot toward the other two, his wings causing a trail of dirt to follow on each side of him. With two gryphons left, he went for the one on the left first. He grabbed its head and jumped over it. He grabbed the gryphon by the beak with two hands and used his weight and momentum to force the gryphon’s head to lift backwards. There was a sharp crack and the body went limp. With weight beginning to press on Spike, he flipped the gryphon open and forced it to eat dirt, resulting in its face being smashed in. He then went for the last gryphon that was too stunned by the sight of his comrades’ demise to move. With his head caught in Spike’s grip, he cried out for reinforcements before his skull caved in and he was silent as the aftermath of this battle would become.

Ditzy: That’s it? He just wins easily? Come on!

Out of immediate danger, Spike turned to his friends and approached them. Needless to say, most, especially Fluttershy were so scared of what he’d done that they backed away. Rainbow Dash remained behind to protect Gilda.

“Yep! Just gonna stand here and keep bein’ awesome!” Spike declared as he knelt down and examined the wounded Gilda, much to Dash’s displeasure.

Doctor: Sure, don’t ask if they are okay or anything.

Ditzy: How are you awesome when everything is written in your favor?

“Spike… how did you do that? That was amazing!” Twilight said, avoiding eye contact with the bloody masses behind her.

Ditzy: She’s taking the fact that she just saw several Griffons brutally murdered right in front of her rather well. I think I would be throwing up right now.

“Uh, hello? Awesome… right here!” Spike said as he gestured to himself.

Doctor: That...doesn’t answer her question.

Rainbow Dash made an involuntary huff at that. “Second only to the fastest Pegasus in Equestria.” he added afterward. Spike made one last quick observation.

Ditzy: (Spike) Please, I could do a sonic rainboom no problem.

“Looks like Gilda’s gonna be fine. You should take her to Zecora so she can quicken the healing process.” he said, standing to his feet.

Ditzy: Zecora is a good at herbs and remedies and everything, but you should really get her to a doctor.

“Wait, what about you?” Twilight asked, seeming to be the only one capable of forming words among her friends.

Doctor: The author couldn’t afford them having speaking lines.

“I’m going to look for Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.” he said. With those names brought up, Applejack and Rarity both called out their respective siblings’ names, while Dash called out Scootaloo’s.

“Spike, please hurry. Big Mac’s probably trying his best to protect them, but if he’s going up against anything like those gryphons, he won’t last much longer.” Twilight said urgently. Spike grinned at her and nodded.

“Make tracks then. We’ll meet you at Zecora’s.” Before he could fly away to save the younger fillies, Twilight pulled the dragon down to her level and gave him a strong kiss. There was a smashing sound as the wards placed around Spike’s body solidified and smashed to pieces. Spike felt like a large weight had been lifted off of his body as his scales darkened slightly.

Ditzy: So the power of love broke the wards that are restricting his magic?

“War is hell.” he said.

Doctor: Don’t give me that. You are enjoying every minute of this.

With a single powerful flap, he was sky high, looking down on Ponyville. He then noticed a large platoon of gryphons flying in formation headed for the already defenceless town. He grinned with glee as his magic flowed through him like adrenaline.

“Your majesty, you brought me a present?!” he began to laugh as the magic in him built up. With a loud roar, his wings transformed into a pair of giant arms.

Ditzy: Which caused him to fall to his death. The End.

A small sphere of dark purple energy formed between the hands, flashing with green electricity as it grew.

Ditzy: Why? That won’t even work.

Spike’s voice grew distorted and echoed throughout Ponyville. He imagined every head turned towards him as he unleashed the dark ball upon the oncoming reinforcements. In the distance, the swarm could be seen scattering. But it was useless as the ball exploded into a wave of dark energy and a dense cloud of red replaced the gryphons as their bodies exploded upon contact with the wave.

Ditzy: I thought they were immune to magic. Twilight’s magic couldn’t do anything and she is one the most powerful unicorns ever!

Doctor: (Sighs) Not if Spike is involved I guess.

The crusaders, along with Big Mcintosh, were staring up at the sky in wonder as somepony they didn’t know destroyed a stealth unit of gryphons. The group that had surrounded the four took to the air in search of their new target, leaving the crusaders with a badly injured Big Mac. He collapsed to the ground as his legs buckled.

Ditzy: So they beat him easily? But he should have been able to take out at least a few Griffons!

Doctor: It seems Spike is the only one that can do anything.

“Mcintosh!” Applebloom cried as the three fillies gathered around the battered stallion.

“Now girls… y’all have ta get ta safety. Make your way to Zecora’s. Ah’ve a feelin’ Applejack and the others will be there. Leave me behind and go, now… git!” Mcintosh croaked as his words fell in deaf ears. The young mares didn’t budge, but remained by his side.

“Ah won’t leave you, big bro!” Applebloom cried into his coat.

“And we’re not leaving Applebloom.” Sweetie Belle added. Scootaloo said nothing as she wished she had somepony to run to.

To all their dismay, a lone gryphon landed neatly near them. “Ooh, this must be my lucky day. Two ponies full of apples and a couple of scrawny toothpicks for afters.” she said, cracking her talons.

Doctor: You do realize your army is being decimated right now right? Not really the time for this sort of thing.

Ditzy: Is it possible for the Griffons to be any more of a cliche villain?

The fillies leaned into the large stallion, ready for their demise as the gryphon raised her talon over her head, ready to strike. She was about to when something landed between her and her prey. A gryphon had fallen to his death, the force of impact with the ground crushed his body. his talon stuck up in the air, the claws bent at unnaturally odd angles. His wings had been ripped from his body, enabling the fall. The female began to fret as she felt a presence near her.

Ditzy: Way to go Spike! Completely traumatize the fillies!

“What you looking at dugong?” a creepy, distorted voice called out from above.

Ditzy: I like how Spike completely ruins any menace he has when he opens his mouth.

She looked up to see the blackened body of a dragon with his arms crossed, just hovering horizontally above her.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m disappointed in you missy.

“Dragon?” she asked.

“Crazy gryphon. Whoops, tautology!”

Doctor: That was just racist.

He threw his leg toward the gryphon, his clawed foot kicking her head into the ground. The impact made a small crater that stopped just short of the four ponies.

Ditzy: So are we ever going to get any fights that are actually interesting and actually challenge Spike?

Doctor: Nope. Spike is too ‘cool’ and powerful for that.

“Hello, fillies and Gentlecolts. Tonight’s special is kick-ass gryphon death with a serving of pony rescues on the side.” he said, landing gracefully in front of the ponies.

Doctor: Would you stop it with the terrible one liners already?

Ditzy: Spike thinks he’s an action movie hero or something.

“Spike, we can’t leave Big Mac. He’s too injured to move and Applebloom won’t leave him.” Scootaloo said, jumping up to him. She ignored the black scales and green eyes.

“You say that like it’s a problem. You’re talking to the most bitchin’ dragon this side of Celestia’s rule.”

Doctor: This fic sure likes to go out of its way to remind us how ‘awesome’ Spike is.

The black dragon took in a deep breath and blew a massive green flame at the remaining three ponies. They disappeared from there instantly, undoubtedly headed for Zecora’s. Scootaloo shuddered at the memory of going through the fire.

Ditzy: Is that even safe?

Spike looked back at Ponyville and grinned.

Doctor: Spike loved pointless carnage.

“Anypony else you can think of saving?” he asked.

Ditzy: Everypony else in Ponyville?

Scootaloo took a second to think, but wasted no time with her response. “Miss Cheerilee!” she replied.

Ditzy: What about her parents?

Spike nodded and grinned up at the sky as a whole bunch of gryphons descended upon the two, having found their target.

Doctor: I guess everyone else will have to fend for themselves then.

“Ballin’!”

Ditzy: Please tell me you didn’t just say that.

Doctor: He could at least say goodone liners.

Twilight and the others managed to navigate the Everfree forest

Doctor: Which is stupid considering how many dangerous creatures would be attracted by the smell of Gilda’s blood.

to Zecora’s Applejack helped Rainbow Dash with Gilda and placed her gently down on the couch that Zecora had laid out for her.

Ditzy: Who is strangely okay despite how seriously injured she is.

Doctor: It would have been a lot smarter to bring her to a doctor.

Not a minute had passed when Big Mac and two of the ‘Cutiemark Crusaders’ had popped into existence outside the hut.

Ditzy: That is something I don’t really get. Shouldn’t they have appeared in front to Twilight instead?

Applejack hurried over to her siblings while Rarity braced for a leaping hug from Sweetie Belle.

Ditzy: Leaping hug attack!

Rainbow Dash had left Gilda’s side in search of Scootaloo, but grew heavy when the little chicken of a pony wasn’t present.

Ditzy: Can she really not fly? She’s a teenager now!

“Where’s Scoots?” Dash asked, fretting.

“Spike has her. He sent us ahead.”

Twilight sighed in relief. “Then I guess so long as she’s with Spike, we have nothing to worry about.” there was a moment’s silence before Twilight looked around. “Um… Where’s Pinkie Pie?”

Doctor: Oh, so the story remembers she exists.

The group scanned the immediate area before the pink pony emerged from behind Big Mac.

“Here I am. Like I told Spike, I’d turn up near the end of the story.” she said, bouncing around the group.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I have a very fickle contract.

“Pinkie? Wait, what story, what end?” Twilight asked, trying to find a book on the mare’s person.

“Oh, but don’t worry, Twilight. There’s still another Chapter after this one. But that only makes it the end of ‘Book One’.

All: Dear Celestia!

Doctor: There is going to a be sequel. Wonderful.

There’s another on the horizon according to the author.” Pinkie said, bouncing up and down on Big Mac who seemed unable to feel it.

Doctor: I thought he was seriously injured.

“Pinkie, what book?” Twilight urged.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) The author has dreams of this being published one day!

“The Darkness of Love, duh! It’s based loosely around yours and Spike’s life. Jeez, Twilight, I’d have thought you’d have read it, what with you being the bookworm and all.”

Doctor: Great, now the fic is going meta on us.

Twilight gasped as something terrible dawned upon her. “Oh no, my books!” she cried.

Ditzy: (Twilight) And I was really hoping to finish 50 Shades of Hay today!

“Got ‘em.” a voice said from behind her. Twilight turned to gaze upon the blood addled dragon with rich purple scales, clutching a sack full of the library’s books in one hand,

Ditzy: But the library has hundreds of book! Hundreds!

Doctor: Where did he get a sack that could actually hold that amount of weight?

an unconscious Cheerilee under his arm, and Scootaloo perched happily on his head.

Ditzy: Isn’t she a little too big for that?

“Spike!” Twilight gasped, rushing up to him.

“Nice to see you thought of the books first. I feel so loved.” he chuckled.

Doctor: (Twilight) Spike, those book are the culmination of all the knowledge of ponykind! What are we compared to all that vast knowledge?

Scootaloo hopped off his head, buzzing slowly to the ground where Dash scooped her up and held her tightly.

Ditzy: Hugs! That is something I can get behind.

The sack of books fell to the ground as Spike wrapped his arms around Twilight, and the two of them shared a kiss with the kind of passion they wished they’d had the time for earlier on.

Doctor: (Deadpan) Yes, can’t you feel the burning hot passion between these two?

Ditzy: Spike must smell pretty bad right now. He’s covered in guts and blood.

Episode 9 - Part 4 - Darkness of Love - Epilogue

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 9 - Part 4

An eerie chill in the morning air woke Twilight from her almost blissful slumber. Despite the circumstances she was at peace, now she’d found and recognised love in its greatest form.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I love that crazy murderous psychopath.

Though Spike had engulfed himself in dark magic, he never truly changed who he was,

All: (Bursts out laughing)

Doctor: Sure, if you say so.

and his love for her was stronger than ever.

Doctor: It was one the most beautiful romances in history.

She rose from one of the makeshift beds that the ponies had created after they’d all made themselves comfortable with Zecora. It was still night time and Spike was missing from beside her. She took a cursory glance around the room to find the others still sleeping; Rarity with Sweetie Belle, Applejack with Big mac and Applebloom, Rainbow Dash with Gilda and Scootaloo, Fluttershy reunited with Angel Bunny and Pinkie on her own sleeping in a very awkward position.

Ditzy: In a hoofstand with a lemon in her mouth.

Twilight felt a little uneasy not having Spike next to her. She quietly hopped off the bed and crept outside of the hut. She didn’t have to look far to see Spike sitting on a fallen tree. He seemed lost in thought.

Ditzy: Um, he does know this is the Everfree Forest right and its night? This isn’t really the place for this sort of thing.

Curiosity got the better of her as Twilight approached the engrossed dragon. She peeked over his shoulder to see he held a strange looking crystal in his hands. She stared at it intently, seeing a mixture of swirling dark colours within.

Doctor: It was something he got from Spencer’s Gifts.

“It’s…called a Solma. It’s a little dragon magic that they preserved over the course of time. The Dragon King showed me how to use this, before I succumbed to the dark magic.” he held out the crystal to Twilight who gasped at the knowledge she’d been found out.

Ditzy: She really thought the cardboard box would hide her presence.

With a reluctant hoof, she accepted it, staring deep into the violet stone which swirled with a strange essence.

Doctor: It made funny animal shapes.

“What sort of magic is this? Crystal magic?”

“Partially. The crystal is just a container, what’s inside is the real magic.” he placed his claw on the crystal and it lit up, the darkness inside fading at the mercy of a light glow.

Ditzy: So Spike is basically Sombra now?

Doctor: I guess.

“What’s it do?” she asked. The young dragon sighed and looked up into the sky. His eyes seemed worn and old to Twilight.

Doctor: He started complaining about foals today and their dang loud music.

“It… holds a part of the soul; my soul. When I took up dark magic,

Doctor: (Spike) They were offering correspondence courses in the Dragon Kingdom.

I divided my soul into two parts, one to be tainted as I have been, and the other to preserve the Spike you once knew.” there was silence for a minute as Twilight absorbed Spike’s answer.

Ditzy: I knew it! You aren’t really Spike at all! That makes me feel so much better.

She held in her hoof, half of Spike’s soul. It vibrated slightly in her grasp.

Doctor: It surprised her and she accidently dropped it, smashing into tiny pieces.

“But what if your body were to be destroyed by the darkness? How would this half of the soul be of any use to you?” she asked. Spike chuckled.

Doctor: (Spike) It makes a good conversation starter.

“Well, it’s supposed to create a new body around it…

Ditzy: Gentlecolts, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic dragon. Spike will be that drake. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. Less of a douchbag.

but there’s a method needed to begin the process, which I don’t know about. That method was lost to even my kind long ago.”

Doctor: Then why do it first place?

Twilight felt the crystal grow heavy in her hoof.

Doctor: (Twilight) Must resist urge to smash it.

“Why are you telling me this?” there was a moment’s hesitation in him as he looked her in the eyes. It was then Twilight noticed he’d somehow gone blind in one eye.

Doctor: See this is why learning dark magic is bad idea.

Ditzy: Is Spike going to regress to a point where he can only say ‘Crystals’?

She remained silent as he was about to reveal all to her.

Ditzy: Spike explains it all.

“I…”

Author's Note: Well, that's book one done.

All: Oh come on!

Doctor: How was that an epilogue? It didn’t resolve anything.

Ditzy: Is Ponyville still under attack? How many ponies are hurt and killed? What about the rest of Equestria? Are they currently under attack too? What are the Princesses doing to counter the Griffons? You could at least answer some of those questions.

Many of you will hate me for leaving so much unexplained, but that's just temporary.

Ditzy: (Author) You are going to marvel at the way I bring everything together.

You'll have to wait for the next story. I might answer some questions within that.

Doctor: Doubtful considering how much you like to dance around explaining anything.

But in the meantime, you must suffer!

Doctor: (Author) Bwahahahaha!

So long for now...

Ditzy: "Tune in tomorrow — same fanfic-time, same fanfic-channel!".

Doctor: So it’s over I guess.

Ditzy: Thanks Celestia!

Doctor: Are you alright? This story made you angrier than I expected.

Ditzy: I’m fine. I’m just angry how it portrayed Spike. It makes appreciate the real one even more.

Doctor: Glad to hear it.

Ditzy: Let’s get out of here already.

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“Great.” Ditzy said while exited the theater in a huff. “There’s a sequel!”

The Doctor sighs. “So it would seem.”

“More of the ‘Spike is awesome and better than everypony else’ show.” Ditzy grumbled. “Can’t wait.”

“Let’s go get some muffins. Maybe that make you feel better.” The Doctor patted Ditzy on the shoulder in an attempt to cheer her up. Ditzy smiled a little and nodded and the two left for the main meeting room...only to discover it completely covered in party decorations.

The two time travelers stood in place dumbfounded. The room had balloons, streamers, confetti, and a wide assortment of treats set on a table with a large bowl of punch. The table of treats they originally set up was still there, only it was moved to be parallel to the table with the punch bowl. Pin the tail on the pony could be seen on one of the wall. “Dinky, did you change things while…” The Doctor tried to say before he was interrupted.

“Oh so you're finally out now I was starting to think you would never get out of there it was so boring waiting you to finish but now you’re out so we can finally party!” Pinkie Pie said in one breath behind them surprising both the Doctor and Ditzy causing them to jump. Pinkie was bouncing in eager anticipation.

“P-Pinkie?” The Doctor stuttered. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh hi Pinkie!” Ditzy said happily, not really thrown off by the sudden appearance of the pink party pony.

“Yes! What are you doing here!?” Dinky growled.

“Well my pinkie sense when off and it told me that somepony was going to have a party so I went looking because you can’t have a party without Pinkie Pie and lo and behold it was you two I saw you enter the theater to read your fanfic so you could get angry and make funny comments I decided to wait and prepare the party decorations for your big party!”

“I…see.” The Doctor said hesitantly.

“Oh, Timey and Ditzy I missed you much!” Pinkie gave the Doctor a big hug that threatened to break his spine. The Doctor winced in pain and struggled to breath.

“Me too! I have really missed you parties Pinkie!” Ditzy said smiling. This was exactly what she needed right now. “This is going to be so much fun!”

“Pinkie…please.” The Doctor croaked out. Pinkie’s hug of death was getting tighter. “Let…go…”

“Uh, Pinkie.” Ditzy said hesitantly.”Maybe you should let him go now.”

“Okie Dokie Lokie!” And Pinkie released the Doctor and he started breathing heavily happy to have the ability to breathe again.

“Dinky is it okay for Pinkie to stay for while?” Ditzy said giving the best puppy dog look she could muster. “Please?”

Dinky sighed. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Pinkie jumped up high into the air.

“Yes!” Ditzy was ecstatic. It was nice to be with another pony after being stuck with the Doctor for so long. “Let’s party!” Ditzy started bouncing with gusto.

The Doctor grunted while stretching and rotating his forelegs trying to recover from that hug of doom. Why does Pinkie have to be so affectionate? It’s seemed liked she hugged him whenever he saw her. He smiled when he saw Ditzy’s enthusiasm. He was happy to see her in a better mood. Having such a bad temperament didn’t suit her and the Doctor had to admit he did find the pink pony’s parties to be fun. Something he never expected. Something about that pony brought out cheer in everyone she met. The Doctor grinned and joined them.

“Crazy gryphon. Whoops, tautology!”

Episode 10 - The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash

Hello again! Today we will be covering ‘The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash’ by Chengar Qordath (original version), the humble beginnings of the popular Winnningverse. And it has a guest riffer, Pinkie Pie! I can’t say I cared for it very much. It wasn’t all that funny and the characters felt very flat and one note. But, we all have to start somewhere right? Not the worst place to start out.

This story has an alternate riff if you are interested. Atlas Nebula and Fallen Prime riffed this story too. You can find it here, and it done by someone that actually knows what they are doing!

A bit of news. I finally finished reading Spread of Darkness. And I have decided I am going to it. And no, I am not going to do the clop scenes. I think I will have a lot of fun doing it. So look forward to that sometime in the future.

The next story I am going to do is the The Legend of Starlightby twow443. The very creator of Twow’s Riffs. It is going to be so much fun doing that story. It’s the type of silly and bad that I love. I plan on doing books 2 and 3 too.

Special thanks to Chengar Qordath for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 10

“Weeeeeee!” Pinkie screamed as she jumped off the high diving board into the pool below causing a huge splash. She giggled when emerged from the pool. She paddled around the pool happily. The Doctor watched this from across the other side of the pool. He was gently gliding across the pool just enjoying the coolness of the pool. He smiled at Pinkie’s antics. He relaxed and went into a back stroke. Pinkie got out the pool and dashed towards the giant, twisting waterslide. It funnest waterslide she had ever seen . She went down the slide with a squeal of joy and crashed into the water.

“Wow, you have a really fun super duper awesome pool!” Pinkie exclaimed after coming down the slide. She started swimming towards the Doctor in a doggy paddle.

“No kidding.” Ditzy said in a purr. She was currently relaxing in the Jacuzzi with her wings extended. She did quite a bit a flying and exercising before coming in and this was exactly what she needed.

“Yeah! And the water is fresh too!” Pinkie said happily sucking water into her mouth then shooting it into the Doctor’s face much to his annoyance. “No icky chlorine or anything!”

“Quite.” The Doctor said simply. Pinkie dived under the water and pulled the Doctor under. He panicked for a second at the unexpected action.

“Come on Timey! Play with me!” Pinkie exclaimed splashing around.

The Doctor glowered at her and smiled. “Fine.” He splashed water into Pinkie’s face. She laughed and the two got into a water fight. Ditzy watched them in amusement.

Somehow Pinkie was able to convince Dinky to let her stay the week, but in exchanged Dinky made Pinkie Pinkie Promise not to tell the Doctor and Ditzy anything about her, to not tell anypony about this place, its captive’s situation, or aid in breaking them out of here, much to the Doctor’s annoyance. It was an eventful week full of laughter, chatter, pranks, games, and parties. Though Pinkie got the Doctor’s nerves sometimes, he really seemed to enjoy having her around. And really, they needed this after that horrible month of being grounded. Somehow Pinkie always knew exactly when to show up when a pony needed cheering up.

Pinkie started wrestling with the Doctor and could barely fight off her grip. She pushed him under the water. She stopped pushing him under when she heard a bell. “What’s that?”

“It’s time for the experiment.” Ditzy said while getting out of the hot tub.

“Oooooooooooooooooo. Boy does time fly!” The Doctor emerged from the water and glowered at Pinkie after taking a much needed breath of air but she ignored him and started swimming towards the pools ladder.

“Hello My Little Test Subjects.” Said Dinky’s distorted voice over the monitor of the main meeting room.

“Hiya Dinky!” Pinkie cheered.

“Hey.” The Doctor said simply.

“I expect you be gone by the end of the day Pinkie.” Dinky said in a stern tone.

“Well duh.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I Pinkie Promised!”

Ditzy gave a sad look. She was going to miss Pinkie. The Doctor didn’t seem too happy about it either.

“Well, I suppose it can’t be helped.” The Doctor replied.

“Yeah, but don’t worry!” Pinkie said brightly. “I’ll be sure to visit!”

“No!” Dinky said in an annoyed tone. “This will be the last time you will see them!”

Pinkie blinked. “Don’t be such a silly filly. How else I’m going to have future adventures with Timey later?! We still haven’t fought the Autons on Rygal 5! Or defeated the Elder God Tefesquigerfkahihooo! Or……”

The Doctor and Ditzy blinked and stared at her in shock. Pinkie backpedaled and lightly smacked her face. “Uh, um, oh Pinkie, stop being so random!” She gave a nervous laugh. “Sooooo….what is going to be the experiment for today?”

“Uh, er. Um.” Dinky recovered. “Today’s experiment is…”

Ditzy groaned. “The sequel to ‘The Darkness of Love’ right?” She venomously spit out the name of the offending story.

“Uh, no. Today’s experiment is ‘The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash’ by Chengar Qordath. Dinky had a little trouble pronouncing the author’s name. “Enjoy.”

“This is going to be so fun!” Pinkie started hopping towards the theater’s entrance.

“And where do you think you are going?” Dinky asked annoyed.

“To join the riffing silly.” Pinkie said simply. “I won’t be here if I didn’t. Just think how silly it would be if I showed up and didn’t join in the riffing! There would be disappointment and complaining! And we can’t have that!”

“Uh….wha…fine.” Dinky relented.

The Doctor shrugged. “The more the merrier.”

“Let’s do this!” Ditzy said in a cheer. The three entered the theater.

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Pinkie: This is super duper exciting! I’ve always wanted to do this!

Doctor: Please stop bouncing Pinkie.

Pinkie: Okie Dokie Lokie!

Hearts and Hooves day is a pain in the flank.

Doctor: Indead. For some reason they never go right for me.

Ditzy: Oh yeah. You spent the better half of the last Hearts and Hooves day running away from Daisy.

For starters, it’s a holiday, which means everypony gets really picky about the weather being exactly right.

Ditzy: It comes with the territory.

Celestia forbid there’s a single cloud out of place messing up somepony’s perfect romantic sunrise, sunset, moonlit night, or whatever.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie. You’re too young to understand.

On top of that, everypony who crosses my path for the two weeks leading up to the day itself wants some little tweak to the weather schedule that’s going to make their day just a little more special.

Ditzy: That’s easy! Create a request box you’ll never read.

It’s not a big deal at first, but pretty soon all those favors start adding up.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) But it did give me all the cider I could drink!

And just to make things better, most of my normal weather crew wants the day off so they can get a bit of time with their special someponies.

All: Dear Celestia!

Doctor: What a shock.

Sure, technically I can call up any pegasus in Ponyville for weather duty,

Ditzy: Since when?

Pinkie: Oooo! Can she call Bulk Biceps?

but I like having pegasi who know what they’re doing. Last time I had to go a day without my regulars, I wound up having to call in Derpy of all ponies,

Ditzy: (Growls) How many times do I have to say that isn’t my name?

and that ended with Town Hall in ruins and me promising the mayor that unless it was an emergency I’d never use Derpy for weather work again.

Ditzy: Hey!

Doctor: You destroy a city hall once and suddenly you’re considered a disaster area.

So of course, I end up having to pick up the slack for everpony who wants time off, and when I’m not doing everypony else’s work I’m busy keeping an eye on whatever amateurs I’ve had to grab for weather duty.

Ditzy: So, is this fic going to consist of nothing but Rainbow Dash whining about her job?

I’m up before sunrise, don’t get to go to sleep until a couple hours after the sun’s gone down, and there’s no chance of grabbing a quick nap to help get me through the day.

Doctor: You poor thing.

Pinkie: Dashie needs her 15 hours of sleep!

Ditzy: I wish I got that much sleep.

Besides, if I stayed in one place for more than a couple minutes, I’m sure ponies would start finding me and asking for more of those tiny little favors to make their day just a bit more romantic.

Pinkie: Sonic Rainbooms for everypony!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) It’s a good thing I thought of building a safe house for just such an occasion!

Sure, any other day of the year everypony can go on a date without a nice little rainbow in the background, or live with there being one cloud blocking a bit of sunlight, but on Hearts and Hooves Day it’s gotta be perfect.

Ditzy: Hey, a pony needs to get laid.

And then there’s the fact that my wing had healed up from that nasty crash two weeks back just in time for me to get tossed right into the thick of one of the craziest working days of the year.

Like I said, the entire day is a huge pain in the flank.

Pinkie: To make it worse vampire ponies attacked!

“No no no no NO! What the hay is going on here Cloud Kicker? Did you even read the weather schedule for today? The sky is supposed to be completely clear over the park!” I thrust a hoof at the very much not clear sky. “What do those look like to you? ‘Cause they sure as hay look like a whole bunch of clouds to me!”

Pinkie: No silly! They look like bunny rabbits!

Doctor: I see a fish.

Ditzy: You’re all wrong. It’s a carrot!

By the time I finished, Cloud Kicker had gone from her usual unflappably confident self to seeming a bit shaken over getting chewed out.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ok, so maybe I shouldn’t have used the b-work 15 times and insulted her mother.

Maybe I was being a little hard on her, but I’d been up since an hour before sunrise, hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast, and things had not been going well all day. That’d make anypony grumpy. It wasn’t fair of me to take it all out on Cloud Kicker though.

Doctor: (Rainbow) But I did it anyway.

“Look, I know it’s one of the busiest days of the year and we’re short a couple ponies, but we need get the weather taken care of on schedule.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Don’t expect a smoke break!

“Sorry boss,” the lavender pegasus apologized, giving a mildly annoyed flick of her head to get her blonde mane out of her eyes. “I would’ve had it handled, but Flitter and Cloudchaser skipped out on the last second to go on a double date, and I can’t really clear all these clouds by myself.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Those two are so fired!

“What?” I buried my face in my hooves and let out a frustrated snarl. “Those featherbrains!

Ditzy: (Gasps)

Pinkie: Dashie language!

They’re supposed to tell me before they go running off like that! Argh! This messes up everything!”

Doctor: The perils of middle-management.

Well, now I felt like kind of a jerk for yelling at Cloud Kicker when the reason she was behind schedule was that the rest of her team had flaked out on her.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Not that I going to apologize or anything. That would be uncool.

I did some quick mental re-arranging of the weather teams.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) An error message?

“Alright, I’ll send Lightning Bolt and Wind Whistler to help you out.”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” Cloud Kicker pointed down into the park, and I spotted two very familiar looking pegasi, each snuggled up with a colt.

Pinkie: Dashie, you need to put your hoof down and lay down the law.

Doctor: Just ask them to help you out for a little while.

“Right, they’ve got the day off.” Well, so much for that. Great. That’s just great. “What about Thunderlane and Raindrops?”

“Also out on a date. With each other.”

“Darn it!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I had my eyes on him!

This is why I hate Hearts and Hooves Day, nothing goes smoothly, and I’m the one who has to deal with all of it.

Doctor: (Rainbow) One day I am going to quit! That’ll teach them!

“Maybe I could get Parasol … no, she’s got the day off too.” I sighed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Maybe I shouldn’t have given the day off to anypony that asked for it.

“I think Dizzy Twister’s free…” A thought struck me, and I frowned over at Cloud Kicker. “Actually, I’m kinda surprised you’re still around.”

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) I need to pay the rent somehow.

“I’m not a Hearts and Hooves day kind of gal,” Cloud Kicker answered breezily.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) I’m more of an Arbor Day filly.

“I don’t do romance.”

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I do enjoy empty one night stands!

“What are you talking about? Everypony knows you’re always running around and–”

“I said I don’t do romance, boss.” Cloud Kicker smirked. “I’d rather skip all that and just jump straight to the fun stuff.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Getting creamed if you know what I mean.

Doctor: Ju-just no.

Does kinda leave me alone on Hearts and Hooves Day, but I can always snag some single pony who’s feeling down about being dateless later on.”

Doctor: How charming.

Right. More than I wanted to know about Cloud Kicker’s love life.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) And there was this one time I found two stallions without dates and we…

Doctor: (Rainbow) No! Please! No more!

Luckily, somepony calling up to me yanked me away from that particular line of thought. “Hey Rainbow Dash! Need any help with the weather?”

Doctor: It was Princess Celestia to the rescue!

I looked over at the new arrival; for a moment, I was really tempted to fly over and hug the white pegasus flying up to the two of us. “Blossomforth! Thank Celestia!”

Pinkie: (Blossomforth in a heroic voice) It looks like somepony is in the need of my services.

“Hey Blossom.” Cloud Kicker gave a casual wave of her hoof. “I thought you had a date?”

“Yeah, but he turned out to be a jerk,” Blossomforth grumbled and gave an annoyed flick of her pink-and-green tail.

Ditzy: (Blossomforth) He made me pay for the meal and the drinks then ditch me!

“You alright? Need somepony to give him a buck in the head?”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Do you need me to whack somepony Blossom?

I tend to get just a bit peeved when someone’s a jerk to my friends. Well, I guess technically Blossomforth wasn’t a friend. We don’t really hang out together, so the only time I see her is when we’re on weather duty, but she is one of my best workers.

Doctor: (Rainbow) And it gives me the excuse to blow off some steam.

Guess that’s close enough to make me get mad when somepony’s mean to her.

Ditzy: That doesn’t give you the right to attack them! It was just a bad date. It happens.

“No, I’ll be fine,” Blossomforth assured me. “But if Cloud Kicker needs any help…well, you know, kicking clouds, I wouldn’t mind having something to kick for a while.” Blossomforth flew over to the nearest cloud and gave it one hay of a kick.

Pinkie: That put her back out.

“Stupid jerk,” she grumbled under her breath. “Why did that jerky jerk-faced jerk have to act like a total jerk on my first Hearts and Hooves day with a real date?”

Ditzy: (Blossomforth) That is the last time I use matchpony.com!

With Blossomforth’s help, Cloud Kicker and I managed to clear out the clouds that had been messing up everypony’s sunny day without taking too long. I guess Blossomforth must’ve really been mad at her date, because she was almost managing to keep up with me.

Doctor: A pinnacle of modesty that Rainbow Dash.

I made a mental note to find out just who she’d been dating, and ‘accidentally’ lose a rain cloud somewhere that would completely drench the no-good jerk that had hurt her feelings.

Pinkie: Maybe you could put itching powder in it too!

“Good work everypony.” I felt pretty happy about how we were doing until I did a quick check of the time. “Oh come on!” Just when I thought I was finally about to start getting a grip on things, the universe kicks me in the flank.

Doctor: (Rainbow) A giant monster attack? Really?

“We’re about to run late on the rainbow the mayor wants, and I’ve only got five minutes to set up that rain shower I promised Lyra and Bon Bon!”

Ditzy: Oh, are those two on a double date?

I could probably get it taken care of if I flew my wings off, but then… “Aw hay, at this rate I’m never gonna have time to get to Sugarcube Corner, and I’ve been trying to get a chance to go there for hours!” Like I said, I haven’t eaten since breakfast.

Pinkie: Cupcakes make a great part of a balanced diet!

Ditzy: That’s why I always pack a few muffins with me before I go to work.

“Is it really that bad?” Blossomforth asked.

Pinkie: Is it ‘The! Worst! Possible! Thing!’?

“Let me put it this way. If Derpy wasn’t out on date, I’d be bringing her in.” Sure, stuff goes wrong around her all the time, but at least she’d be another set of hooves.

Ditzy: (Grumbles) Yeah, yeah. I’m useless.

Blossomforth winced. “Yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

Ditzy: Yeah! What can that stupid, useless Ditzy do!? She’ll probably accidently burn the town down or something by accident! That stupid stupid filly!

Doctor: There, there. It’s alright.

Pinkie: Wow, where did that come from?

“Well, I’m not gonna complain about Derpy being busy,” Cloud Kicker commented. “Maybe I’ll actually get a chance to eat a muffin while she’s not around.”

Ditzy: Er, what?

Pinkie: Muffins, watch out while Ditzy’s on the prowl!

“You should know better than to try and eat muffins around her by now.” Seriously, anypony who spent any time in Ponyville should have picked up on the fact that Derpy loves muffins.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) Ponies have lost their lives getting in the way of her muffins!

“But I like muffins!” Cloud Kicker whined. “I mean, not as much as Derpy does, but sometimes a pony just wants to eat a muffin! And I can’t! Every time I try to eat just one measly little muffin Derpy steals it and eats it in one gulp! It’s just not fair!"

Ditzy: What?! I would never do that! Muffins should be shared with everypony!

Pinkie: Just like cupcakes and parties!

Doctor: She gives them out like they are going out of style.

I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to listen to Cloud Kicker complain about Derpy stealing her muffins.

Pinkie: Grand Theft Muffin: San Aneigheas

I get that Derpy taking away your muffins could get on a pony’s nerves, but I really don’t wanna have to listen to somepony else talking about it. Besides, Derpy’s one of my friends; I get along with Cloud Kicker alright, we were in same year at flight camp and all, but I’m a lot closer to Derpy.

Ditzy: So you always turn a blind eye when one of your friends does something wrong?

Pinkie: That is not cool Dashie!

Yeah, she shouldn’t be stealing Cloud Kicker’s muffins, but it’s not like Derpy was doing it to be mean or anything. She just gets excited when it comes to muffins.

Ditzy: She once went on a city destroying rampage when she couldn’t get a muffin. She shot laser beams out of her eyes and everything!

I know Cloud Kicker wasn’t trying to be nasty, but it’s just kind of an instinct with me; if somepony’s talking bad about one of my friends, even if they’ve got a good reason to be a little upset, I start getting mad.

Pinkie: Gee Dashie! You’re just being a meanie head now!

Ditzy” (Rainbow) There is a good reason why I gained the nickname “Rainbow Death”.

There’s a reason I got Loyalty when the Elements of Harmony were being passed out.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) One time I decked a guy for accidently bumping into Twilight!

“Wait a minute!” Blossomforth cut in before I could tell Cloud Kicker to shut it. “Rainbow Dash, did you just say you haven’t had a chance to see Pinkie Pie all day?” Blossomforth was frowning at me, and sounded really worried considering the fact that I was just complaining about missing a chance to grab a snack.

Pinkie: Dashie, snacks are one the most important meals of the day!

“Well she does kind of work at Sugarcube Corner.” I pointed out the obvious.

Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth shared a look, and nodded to each other. “I can handle the rain,” Cloud Kicker declared.

“I’m alright with rainbows,” Blossomforth chimed in. “We’ll take care of the weather Rainbow Dash; you take a break and go see Pinkie Pie.”

Doctor: (Blossomforth) This fic needs somepony to lighten it up a bit.

Forget about Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie: Hey!

Don’t get me wrong, running into her would be cool, but right now my number one priority was to put some food in my belly. “Thanks gals. I’ll be back in five minutes, tops.”

“No need to rush,” Blossomforth assured me.

“Yeah, take your time boss,” Cloud Kicker added.

Well, kinda weird,

Ditzy: It’s like they are trying to set her up with Pinkie or something.

Pinkie: That’s silly! I like Dashie, but I don’t like Dashie that way!

but if they really wanted to handle the extra work in order to let me take a break, I wasn’t about to complain. Maybe they were just in a nice mood. Or maybe they’d heard that rumor that I was thinking about adding a couple backup shift managers to handle things whenever I’m busy.

Doctor: A.K.A. Napping.

Between some of the crazy stuff that’d been going on ever since Twilight moved here

Doctor: (Rainbow) It seems like every year the world is attacked by some bad guy now.

and missing two whole weeks ‘cause of my broken wing, I figured having one or two more ponies to handle things while I wasn’t around seemed like a good idea. Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth must have decided that running the show during one the crazier weather days of the year would prove they were up to handling the job. Hay, if they could manage to run things during Hearts and Hooves Day, I probably would end up giving them the job.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) The perfect patsies to push all my work on!

“You gals are awesome. Thanks.” I gave into the impulse to give them a quick hug before I shot off towards Sugarcube Corner. The siren song of delicious food was calling me.

Pinkie: (Food) Come to us Rainbow Dash. Eat out delicious goodness! Eat us!

Ditzy: No don’t! It’s a trap!

I’d have to find some way to pay them back for this. With Pinkie’s help, I could probably find a way to get some muffins to Cloud Kicker without Derpy finding out about it.

Pinkie: Operation: Muffins!

As for Blossomforth, her jerky date just got upgraded from getting rained on to getting a big nasty thundercloud after him.

Doctor: Why?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That jerky date is going to have a little accident.

Maybe I could ask Pinkie about that too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) She knows good places to hide a body.

She’s good at knowing what ponies were up to, so she’d probably know who I needed to go after, and she might even have a couple ideas to add in. She was my number one pranking buddy, after all.

Sugarcube Corner was doing pretty heavy business. With it being sappy-happy love day, lots of ponies wanted to buy sweets and stuff. Lucky for my rumbling stomach, it seemed like most of the couples there had already gotten their food, since they were mostly sitting down and eating together instead of waiting in line. Having fewer obstacles between me and food was good.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Flying through hoops all the time to get a meal is really annoying!

On the downside, the entire place had been done up with decorations for Hearts and Hooves Day. Bleh.

Pinkie: Is their too much red and not enough pink!? Or maybe not enough heart balloons? Or maybe…

Doctor: (Coughs) Yes, we get it.

Pinkie Pie was working the counter, at least until she saw me. Then she wasn’t so much working as bouncing up and down while waving her hooves in the air to attract my attention.

Doctor: She pulled out a sign that said ‘Hi Dashie! Over here!’.

“Dashie! Hi Dashie! Rainbow Dash!” ‘Cause you know, I definitely wouldn’t have noticed her if she wasn’t making a scene like that.

“Hey Pinkie. ‘Sup?”

“Oh my gosh! I wasn’t sure if I was gonna see you at all today, but then I got an itchy back, and then right after it was an ear flop, knee twitch, and eye flutter, and usually when that happens it means you’re coming by! And you did!”

Pinkie: Don’t be ridiculous! That means bills are coming in mail. Knee twitch, back tingle, and ear flop means Dashie is coming by!

Doctor: ...Thanks for clearing that up.

“Awesome.” Pinkie Sense is just another one of those you have to learn to take in stride when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: (Sighs) Indeed.

“So anyway, you think I could get something to –“

“Well, except for when they’re completely unrelated,” Pinkie chattered right over me. Oh Celestia, tell me she’s not about to– “After all, there’s supposed to be a rainbow scheduled for today anyway so that’d explain the combo, and I guess the itchy back could’ve meant there were gonna be lots of leftover treats that we couldn’t sell.

Pinkie: No no no! That means we are expecting a big music number to start soon!

Ditzy: ...It could just be a normal itchy back.

Like cupcakes, or turnovers, or the chimicherrychongas and kumquat croissants or maybe even the–“

“Pinkie Pie!” I wasn’t quite shouting, but I turned the volume up enough to get her attention.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) Shhhhh. Couples are trying to have a romantic date! You’re being really rude!

“I’m starving here. Can I get some food?”

Doctor: I don’t know, can you?

“Okie dokie lokie wacky Dashie-washie!

Pinkie: What? How is that something I would say?!

Ditzy: Seriously, Dashie-washie?

Just sit down somewhere and I’ll bring you something yummy for your tummy!” Oh Celestia, that was even Pinkie-ier than usual.

Pinkie: Pinkie squared! Or Pinkie to the fifth power maybe?

I could put up with her usual level of Pinkie-ness, but if she was gonna start acting extra-Pinkie…

Doctor: (Rainbow) I knew I should have gotten Pinkie-lite!

Any worries about Pinkie being randomer than usual went out the window once I was sitting at one of the few unoccupied tables, and saw Pinkie trotting over with the world’s biggest cupcake riding on her back.

Pinkie: And it was riding on a saddle!

“I was hoping I’d get to see you today, so I made a super-duper extra special cupcake just for you!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) And it only contains 3000 g of sugar!

“No kidding.” Considering how much time I spend hanging out with Pinkie Pie, saying that it’s the biggest cupcake I’ve ever seen in my life means that it is one hay of a huge cupcake.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have seen tables smaller than it.

The rainbow frosting on top was an appropriately awesome touch. “Um, hey Pinkie? You didn’t do something crazy like make frosting out of concentrated liquid rainbow, did you?” Rainbows are awesome and all, but they’re not meant for eating. Most ponies would’ve figured that out after actually trying it once,

Doctor: Indeed.

Ditzy: Nopony can resist trying it at least once.

Pinkie: (Nods)

but Pinkie’s not most ponies. I can never figure out what’s going on in that head of hers.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash kept half expecting to find herself tied to a table in a scary basement one day.

“Nopey dopey!” Well, that was a relief; the cupcake looked huge and delicious, but not so tasty that it was worth getting a mouthful of liquid rainbow.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) I just put super spicy hot sauce in it!

“I found a way to make zap apple frosting! It was tricky,

Pinkie: (Pinkie) You won’t believe how hard it is to learn how to tap dance while somersaulting and juggling at the same time!

but I wanted to make an absolutely perfectly perfect cupcake for you today, because you’re the coolest, awesomest, and radicalest pony in all of Equestria!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Darn straight I am!

“Thanks Pinkie.” Must be warm in here or something, ‘cause my face was feeling kinda hot right now.

Pinkie: Oh no! Dashie is getting a fever!

It’s not like Pinkie talking about how cool I was embarrassed me or anything; everything she said was just the truth, after all.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) But I’ll take the compliment anyway!

Without further ado, I dove right into the cupcake.

Ditzy: She did a cannonball.

It tasted like sugary apple-y awesomeness. Pinkie’s cupcakes are awesome. Zap apples are awesome. So, Pinkie cupcakes made with zap apples were double awesome. Not even Twilight could argue with perfect logic like that. “This is great, Pinkie!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The type-2 diabetes was totally worth it!

“Yes!” Pinkie Pie started bouncing around the room in joy and babbling in excitement. Spend enough time around Pinkie, and you get used to that kind of thing. “I was worried you wouldn’t like it, but Mrs. Cake was like ‘Don’t worry Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash always loves your cupcakes.’ But then I was like, ‘But I wanna make her super-special one for today and it has to be the best cupcake ever!’ And then Mr. Cake was like…”

I mentally tuned Pinkie out. You wanna spend any time hanging with Pinkie, you’ve gotta learn how to just not listen to her when she starts babbling.

Pinkie: Hey! That’s just mean!

That, and you’ve gotta learn not to ask too many questions about all that weird stuff she does.

Doctor: (Grumbles)

Trying to listen to everything she says and figure out what’s going on in her head and how she does all those crazy things she does is just asking for trouble.

Ditzy: It’s like a story from H.P. Lovecolt.

Even Twilight figured that out, and she hates not knowing things.

Pinkie: She got so angry she bursted into fire and everything! It was soooo funny!

I took a couple more bites of the most awesome cupcake in the history of awesome cupcakes while Pinkie’s usual babbling faded into the background noise around me.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Hey! Maybe I could ask Vinyl Scratch to turn into a sick beat!

Hmm, well now that I had the food problem sorted out,

Doctor: Nutrition? Who needs it?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Although I don’t think I will be able to sleep for days now.

I guess I needed to figure out what to do with the rest of my free time.

All: Nap.

I’d kinda figured I’d be busy all day with weather stuff, so I didn’t know if anypony had plans. They were probably all busy doing boring sappy-holiday stuff anyway.

Ditzy: Says somepony that has never tried it.

Pinkie: You have noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you are missing Dashie!

Practicing my stunts was out. After that crash a couple weeks ago, my wing was good enough to fly on and do my job, but I was supposed to give it bit more time to heal up before I did anything too awesome with it.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I wonder if I can do a sonic rainboom while on fire?

I guess I could just grab the next Daring Do book and find a comfy cloud. A nap would be nice, but knowing my luck as soon as I got comfortable something would go wrong, and I’d need to fix it.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Where did this blizzard come from!?

A five-minute nap would just give me enough time to realize how much I wanted a nap, but not enough time to actually get any real sleep. For that matter, napping and just taking it easy both meant staying in one place for way too long.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ninjas might come after me.

I wasn’t gonna get much of a break if I had a small crowd of ponies gathered around me, asking if I could just do them one little favor to help make their Hearts and Hooves day perfect.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Screw them and their desire to make happy memories!

My line of thought o n what to do with my free time trailed off as I noticed that something didn’t seem quite right. It took me a second to put my hoof on what exactly was going on; Pinkie Pie had finally stopped talking, and she was looking at me expectantly.

Pinkie; (Pinkie) Well? What would be more fun to swim in? Whipped cream or coleslaw?

Aw hay, she must’ve asked me a question or something while I was zoned out. “Run that one by me again, Pinkie.”

If she noticed or cared that I hadn’t been paying attention to her, she didn’t show it.

Pinkie: (Shrugs) You get used to it.

“I just wanted to know what you’re doing for Hearts and Hooves Day. Got anything planned with a special somepony?”

Ditzy: With a certainred stallion maybe?

“C’mon Pinks, you know I’m not into all that namby-pamby stuff.” Well, technically I’d agreed to do a Hearts and Hooves thing once, but I’d just used that as an excuse to get out of work and take the day off after I’d ditched my date.

Doctor: What? So it’s okay for you to be a jerk on a date?

That’s not to say I didn’t get offers, I just didn’t want to waste my time with boring stuff like that.

Ditzy: Rigghhhtttt. I’ve seen the type of magazines you have under your bed Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie: What about all the Sourin’ posters in your room?

Well, actually nopony had asked if I was free this year. Not that I cared.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Really! (Sniff) Not at all! Not that I wanted anypony to show any interest in me or anything!

It was probably just because everypony knew I didn’t wanna waste my time on stupid sappy lovey dovey day.

Doctor: Yet here you are wasting your time complaining non-stop about it.

If I’d wanted a date, I totally could’ve gotten one.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Really! I could get all the stallions I want! Not that I want to or anything!

Hay, I could’ve done something crazy awesome, like go out with Flitter and Cloudchaser at the same time, ‘cause I’ve heard dating twins is supposed to be really cool,

Pinkie: It’s two for the price of one!

so obviously it’s the kind of thing I would do. Or, you know, something else really radical. I just don’t wanna bother with it, that’s all.

Pinkie: Ohhhhhhh, so you’re shy! Don’t worry! Let Aunty Pinkie handle everything!

Doctor: That’s a scary thought.

Well, maybe if one of the Wonderbolts asked me out…nah. I’m the future captain of the Wonderbolts, not a groupie.

Doctor: Aiming a little too high there.

Ditzy: You can’t even manage a weather team properly! What makes you think you could lead the Wonderbolts!?

“So…” Pinkie was smiling, but that was pretty much her default facial expression. “You’re saying don’t have any plans for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Nah.” Wonder why Pinkie was asking anyway. Kinda a weird thing to talk about. Well, not really. Well, I guess talking about a holiday on the day of holiday isn’t weird, but…never mind.

Doctor: Is it really that hard to pick up that Pinkie is interested in you?

Ditzy: You know its bad when even the Doctor picks up on this sort of stuff.

Pinkie: (Giggles)

Doctor: And what is that suppose to mean!?

Oh wait. Holiday. Pinkie probably had some sort of party planned.

Pinkie: Oh course! Heart and Hooves Day parties are the best! It’s really fun helping loovy doovy ponies get together!

No wonder she’s asking if I’m busy, she probably wanted to invite me. “You got plans Pinkie?”

“Nopey dopey. I’m a completely free and unattached pony.”

All: Subtle.

Pinkie frowned thoughtfully and started tapping a hoof under her chin. “Although…if a certain somepony who shall remain nameless wanted to spend the day with me, that’d be A-OK!”

Pinkie: Fluttershy?

Yeah, whatever. I really didn’t need to know about my friend’s love lives. Anyway, moving away from that vaguely uncomfortable line of thought,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I really don’t want to know the sort of stuff an egghead like Twilight is into.

I still needed to figure out what to do with my free time. Napping and reading were out, and I couldn’t really fly around practicing my tricks when I was trying to avoid attention.

Doctor: (Rainbow) My triple sonic rainboom might attract attention.

if I went around being too amazing everypony would notice me,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Since I score an eleven out of ten on the awesomeness scale!

and then I’d be stuck with a crowd of ponies who all just wanted one tiny little favor. Sometimes it can be a real pain the flank to be as awesome as I am.

Pinkie: You poor thing! I didn’t realize how much she has been hurting. I will need to throw her a really super awesome party later!

So, if doing my three favorite things to do by myself was out, that left spending time with my friends. Obvious starting point was obvious. “Hey, you wanna hang out Pinkie?”

Pinkie was grinning at me wide enough that I was kind of amazed she could fit that big of a smile on her face.

Doctor: (Rainbow) It entered the uncanny valley.

“You want to spend Hearts and Hooves day with me, Dashie?”

“Well, yeah.” Sheesh, she can be a real weirdo sometimes.

Pinkie: Hey!

“That’s why I asked.”

Pinkie looked like she was about to explode in happiness.

Doctor: Her head started expanding like a balloon.

I guess she really wanted to hang out. She took a really deep breath, and then shouted back into the kitchen. “Mister and Misses Cake I’m spending Hearts and Hooves Day with Dashie gottagonowbye!” Somehow, she managed to cram all those words into about two seconds, while screaming at the top of her lungs. The fact that her shouting had gotten everypony else in the shop staring at us didn’t help.

Pinkie: I thought you liked attention Dashie!

“So, what do you wanna do?” I was in the mood for some pranking. All those ponies being all lovey-dovey totally wouldn’t see us coming until it was too late.

Pinkie: (Serious) That isn’t funny at all Dashie. That is really really really really mean!

Ditzy: Yeah! Jeez.

Doctor: Clearly why Heart and Hooves Day is important to some people has completely flown over your head.

Now, we’d have to be careful to keep things fun and all;

Doctor: And not get attacked by angry couples with pitchforks.

some ponies get real worked up about this Hearts and Hooves Day. I love a good prank, but making somepony cry ‘cause we just ruined their special day was undeniably, unquestionably, uncool.

Doctor: Maybe, just maybe, this might not be a good idea at all.

“How about we just go for a walk in the park?” Pinkie suggested, much to my surprise.

Pinkie: (Rolls eyes) And what is wrong with walks in a park?

“What, just going for a walk? Sounds kinda boring, but whatever.” I mean seriously, what’s the point of walking around slow and stuff when I could be flying around all fast and awesome?

Doctor: And crashing into things.

It’s not that I mind staying groundbound to hang out with my friends, but I’ve never really gotten the whole walking just for the sake of walking thing. Walking to somewhere? Sure. But just walking around to see the sights or whatever? Why would I wanna do that when I could fly around seeing everything instead? It was faster and cooler.

Pinkie: (Singing) Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, faster!

Still, I’d asked Pinkie what she wanted to do. Shame she can’t fly though. Wait…maybe I could get Twilight to cast that wings spell on Pinkie?

Pinkie: Nah, I will just use the jetpack I have been working on!

That way we could go flying together, which would be very awesome. Ever since the whole thing with Gilda, I didn’t really have anypony (or griffin) I could just go flying with. Most of the pegasi I knew were on my weather squad, and you can’t ever really be completely normal friends with somepony who works for you.

Pinkie: Dash, that makes absolutely no sense. You can be friends with anypony!

Of my really close pegasus friends that don’t do weather work, Fluttershy can’t keep up with me most of the time, and Derpy…well trying to do any sort of fast flying with her is just asking for trouble.

Ditzy: What did I ever do to you Chengar Qordath?!

But Pinkie…hay, when she wanted to chase me I couldn’t get away from her even when she didn’t have wings.

Pinkie: Duh, I’m a world champion at Hide and Go Seek!

Pinkie with some Twilight’s magic wings could totally keep up with me. Sure, Rarity’s wings had burned up, but that was because she’d gone all crazy and gotten too close to the sun. Pinkie wouldn’t do something like that.

Wait…this is Pinkie Pie I’m talking about. She’d do something way, way crazier than just fly too close to the sun.

Ditzy: Like roasting marshmallow on the sun.

And even if she didn’t…well I like Pinkie, but sometimes I need a break from her. She’s my best friend and all, but too much time around her will drive a pony crazy.

Pinkie: Really? I’m around Cakes all the time and they aren’t crazy. You’re just being silly.

If she went and got some magic wings from Twilight, I’d never get a moment’s peace for the rest of my life!

So yeah. Taking that idea, putting it in a lockbox, burying the box, and then destroying the key.

Ditzy: Too bad Pinkie can just borrow the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver.

I really don’t wanna spend the rest of my life waking up at two in the morning because Pinkie Pie had a crazy dream or a fun new party idea that she felt like she just had to tell me about.

Pinkie: Don’t be silly, I need the beauty sleep!

The park was still full of ponies getting all romantic and stuff.

Doctor: Their filthy, disgusting, not cool in any way romance!

Great, just great. I’m not quite as bad as Applejack when it comes to dealing with anything girly and frou-frou, but sappy love day was too much for me.

All: Okay, we get it!

To get my eyes off all the lovey-dovey pony couples infesting the park,

Ditzy: Quick, build a barricade!

Pinkie: There’s too many of them!

I made a quick check of the weather.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Chocolate rain?

It looked like Blossomforth had taken care of the rainbow we were supposed to get up; not quite as awesome as the rainbow I would’ve made, but pretty decent.

Doctor: Gee, It must be a tough life being the best at everything.

Let’s be fair, no way anypony could make a rainbow better than I could,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have a perk that gives me +5 in rainbow making.

because I was both the awesomest pony around, and I had ‘rainbow’ right there in my name. It wasn’t fair to expect anypony else to be able to match what I could pull off.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m bigger than Celestia!

That train of thought came to an abrupt end when Pinkie Pie bumped into me. Well, not so much bumped into me as just got really into my personal space.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) Does this bug you does this bug you I’m not touching you.

I was used to her doing that kind of thing by now though. I don’t think Pinkie Pie’s even heard of personal space.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie. Oh course I’ve heard of it!

Whenever we hang out she’s constantly hugging me, snuggling with me, stuff like that.

Doctor: You too huh.

Pinkie: You’re just so huggable Timey!

It’s just one of her things. I guess she must have been in an extra-friendly mood though, cause she was close enough to me that we couldn’t even walk through the park without our shoulders and flanks constantly brushing into each other.

Ditzy: Really? You really haven’t caught on yet?

Oh well, that’s Pinkie Pie for you.

We managed to spend almost half a minute just walking along before I got a Pinkie-hug. I’m surprised it took her that long to get around to trying to break my ribs.

“I like spending time with you, Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie’s forelegs tightened to the point where I could barely even breathe. “I like you, Rainbow Dash.”

Ditzy and Pinkie: Awwwwww. That’s so cute.

“Yeah, same here.” I barely managed to get the words out over the vise-like grip Pinkie had on my chest. “Can’t breathe, Pinkie.”

“Oops, sorry Dashie!” The pink jaws of death removed themselves from my ribs, and their owner gave a sheepish little giggle. “I guess I got a little too excited there. And … maybe I was just teeny-tiniest little bit nervous you didn’t like me back.”

“What the hay are you talking about?” Pinkie could get some really weird ideas in that head of hers sometimes. “Of course I like you. We’re friends.”

“Oh.” For some reason, saying that punctured Pinkie’s good mood as if I’d stabbed a needle right into one of her balloons. “Yeah. Friends.”

Pinkie: Oh, that’s sad…

Doctor: This is just getting depressing.

Aw darn it, I’d gone and said something stupid, hadn’t I? It happens every once in a while;

Ditzy: Once in a while? You have already done that at least 7 times or something already.

I get annoyed at somepony, or I don’t watch what I’m saying, and next thing I know I’ve gone and said some dumb thing that makes somepony feel bad. I’m not good at the whole being sensitive and thinking about other ponies’ feelings thing.

Doctor: That’s an understatement.

Ditzy: It’s like other ponies are alien creatures to her.

It’s not like I’m trying to be a jerk or anything, but if I don’t take the time to think about what I’m saying, I’ve got a real knack for sticking my hoof in my mouth.

So, how do I make Pinkie stop feeling all sad about whatever dumb thing I’d said?

Pinkie: Oh oh oh oh oh! Treat me a super super sized cupcake with sprinkles!

I scanned the park, desperately searching for something fun and happy, and finding nothing

Doctor: All over couples were breaking out into violent brawling.

but a sea or lovey-dovey pony couples.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie! There’s no sea near Ponyville! As cool as that would be.

I even spotted Wind Whistler, Raindrops, and a couple other pegasi from my weather squad.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) The lazy jerks doing lovey dovey stuff instead of working!

That’s when I struck gold.

Pinkie: There be gold in them thar park!

Applejack and Rarity. Hanging out together. On Hearts and Hooves day. In the middle of the park.

Ditzy: Er, what?

Pinkie: (Shrugs)

Doctor: Not a coupling I was expecting.

I’d been hoping for fun, but this? This was pure gold.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Let’s ruin their day!

“Hey gals! What’re you up to?”

“We ain’t on a date!” Applejack hastily blurted out, giving me a broad and very obviously fake smile while nervously shifting her eyes.

Ditzy: Wow…

Pinkie: I’m getting the distinct impression she’s up to something!

“Just havin’ a friendly cup of tea with mah friend Rarity. As friends. Because that’s what we are. Friends. Why would you think we’re on a date? Nopony said this was a date! ”

Doctor: Um, we aren’t going to judge you Applejack. I think it wonderful you are out on a date with someone you care about.

Pinkie: That’s right! I think it is super duper neat that you two like like like each other!

“Right. Hello to you too, Applejack.” Oh yeah. This was gonna be good.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I wonder if I can get one of them to cry.

“Why’s everypony think we’re on a date?” Applejack continued on belligerently. “Can’t two ponies just go out on a nice day like this and have a friendly cup of tea without everypony thinkin’ there must be some kinda romance to it?”

Doctor: You’re holding hooves with her for one.

“Relax AJ, I’m with you.” And now for the next bit of fun. “I totally believe that you two are just having a friendly romantic date out in the park on Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Exactly.” Applejack gave a contented nod of her head satisfied that the matter had been settled. A second later the exact words I’d used processed through her apple-filled brain. “Wait, what exactly didja say there?” Applejack hastily brought her forehooves up in front of herself and waved them about in denial. “No no no! I ain’t datin’ her! Why would I wanna date Rarity? Me an’ Rarity datin’? That’s crazy talk, is what it is.” Applejack let out a very forced chuckle.

Pinkie: (Applejack) It sounds like plot of a bad fanfic.

“Well, I never!” Rarity turned her nose up at Applejack, before dramatically turning her back on the farmpony with a loud sniff of disdain. “I’ll have you know I’m considered one of Ponyville’s most eligible bachelorettes! Many a stallion would give their left hoof to be sitting in your position, Applejack!

I shall not endure such boorish treatment from you on today of all days, you ruffian!”

“Aw hayseeds. Er – look Rarity, I was just…”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) This is perfect! I’m so good! Now these two are going to argue and hate each other!

While Applejack tried to stumble her way through an apology, Pinkie and I hastily moved to Rarity’s side. Rarity looked to both of us, and let out a carefully hidden little giggle. “Oh goodness, it really is too much fun to push her buttons sometimes.”

Ditzy: You won’t be much a couple if you didn’t.

“So you’re not on date with Applejack?” Pinkie sounded confused, and maybe just a tiny bit disappointed.

Pinkie: You’re not the only one.

“Oh Celestia no,” Rarity confirmed. “I simply wished to be out and about, basking in the ambiance of Hearts and Hooves Day, but of course a lady of my stature and reputation could hardly be seen out and about on a day like today unescorted,

Ditzy: Poor Spike. He’s way too good for you!

so I simply had to bring Applejack along. I certainly wouldn’t be interested in her. Those barbaric manners, that rough-and-tumble attitude, those sleek, rugged muscles.

Ditzy: (Rarity) That cute, firm flank.

Really now, a farmpony and a fashionista; can you imagine the scandal? The inappropriateness of it all?

Ditzy: (Rarity) We could end up on the Equestrian Enquirer!

“Can’t you just see how it would all go? We would try going out on a date, and naturally I would force her into a proper high society affair. She would try to act the part and fit in, but it would be obvious to everypony there that she didn’t truly belong.

Ditzy: Yeah, those high society jerks aren’t very fond of fillyfoolers.

Then I, being a proper lady and feeling somewhat badly for placing her in such an awkward position, would naturally agree to let her arrange our next date, which would be a horrendously uncultured affair.

Doctor: (Rarity) It would take us to a (gasp) local restaurant!

I would try to let my mane down and just have fun, but it would be just as clear that I didn’t belong in Applejack’s world as it was that she could never truly fit into mine.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) And you would actually let that stop you?

“We would both convince ourselves that there was no way it could possibly work out, that there was simply no future for us, and filled with in sorrow and heartbreak, we would break up. But then a tragedy would bring us back together, make us realize that life was too short, and in a flurry of wild emotions we would decide to cast caution to the wind and embrace our doomed romance. Applejack would take the lead of course, ripping off my dress,

Pinkie: And… she’s okay with that?

Ditzy: I...guess...

and shoving me down onto the bed. I would protest, but we would both know I didn’t really mean it. And in the heat of the moment, we would make passionate love.

Doctor: Too much information!

Pinkie: It’s so cute to see you flustered like that!

My hooves would roam down her muscular flanks and –” Rarity, now looking quite flushed, fanned herself with a hoof. “Goodness, is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm out here?”

Pinkie: Something must be going around.

The unicorn delicately cleared her throat, and stuck her nose primly up into the air. “In any case, I am sure you can see now that I could not possibly be interested in Applejack.”

Pinkie: But you just said… oh forget it.

“Oh yeah, you definitely don’t have a thing for her,” I deadpanned.

Doctor: So how is she able to pick on this, but not Pinkie’s affections?

“Uh, Rainbow Dash?” Pinkie Pie whispered to me. “Were you listening to the same conversation I was, ‘cause it sounded to me like Rarity–“

“Pinkie, how can you be friends with me and Twilight and still not understand sarcasm?”

Doctor: Sometimes, I think she does that on purpose.

Pinkie: (Giggles)

“What does it taste like?” I just stared at Pinkie Pie in blank incomprehension for several long seconds, as my brain tried to process what Pinkie just said.

Pinkie: That’s a good one! I need to remember that one! (Pulls out a notebook out of her hair and starts writing in it)

Rarity delicately cleared her throat, and turned around to face Applejack once more. “Now then darling, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have asked me to forgive you for that remark, and so as a proper lady I shall overlook your unforgivably rude behavior. I do trust, however, that you will not do anything further to humiliate me on today of all days.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Wa-no never! I wasn’t going to make it rain on you or anything!

“Um … right.” Applejack looked like she was halfway between confused and remorseful, which was probably right where Rarity wanted her. “Reckon I oughta say a little somethin’ to ya. Shucks, I know a lotta fellas and a couple gals that’d be right glad to be yer special somepony. Ain’t no denyin’ yer awful purdy.

Doctor: (Applejack) You got a purdy mouth filly.

In fact, I reckon if’n there was a mare I wanted to take an interest in and ask her to be my special somepony, it’d be a gal who’s a lot like you.”

Pinkie and Ditzy: Awwwww…..

“Oh really?” The two ponies looked at each other, both blushed, and then hastily averted their gazes. “Yes, well… more tea?” Rarity desperately suggested.

“Some tea sounds real nice.” Applejack agreed.

Doctor: (Applejack) It better have apples in it, or so help me...

I traded a look with Pinkie, and we both nodded. “Okay. Well then... Pinkie and I are gonna leave you two to do…whatever the hay it is that the two of you are doing.” The two of us trotted off, leaving our friends to keep acting like total weirdoes instead of doing the sensible thing and just hooking up already.

Ditzy: I...thought they were.

“They were having lots of unresolved sexual tension.” Pinkie explained to me once we were safely out of earshot.

Doctor: Expect the ‘will they, won’t they’ drama to last about 167 chapters.

“No, really? I hadn’t noticed.” I remembered too late that Pinkie’s sarcasm detector was completely broken.

Pinkie: I really need to get that fixed!

“Dashie! Didn’t you see how they were making googly-eyes at each other? And how Applejack got all nervous just because we saw the two of them spending Hearts and Hooves Day together? Or how Rarity got all ga-ga over Applejack when–“

Ditzy: Wiped apple juice from her face.

My hoof in her mouth made Pinkie stop talking. “I noticed it, Pinkie. Everypony who saw them noticed it. Everypony within a hundred miles noticed it. Princess Celestia herself could probably feel the sexual tension all the way from Canterlot.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Mother of me, those are two ponies that should do each other already!

I removed my hoof from Pinkie’s mouth, which was probably a mistake. “Ooo really? I’m not sure about that, I mean, yeah, there was a lot of tension there, but Canterlot’s really, really far away. Oh! We could write a letter and ask her, just to make sure.”

‘Dear Princess Celestia: Rarity and Applejack totally wanna do each other, right?’ Yeah, that’d go over real well.

Ditzy: I don’t know. Celestia is really old. I bet she could give some really good romantic advice!

Actually, it might almost be worth doing just to how much Twilight would freak when she found out about it. From what I’d seen, the princess was pretty cool, but Twilight always seemed to act like if she did the tiniest little thing wrong Celestia would hate her forever and kick her to the moon or something.

Pinkie: She has unrealistic expectations for herself and is unable to accept failure. This causes her to have high levels of stress that cause her to act erratic in a misplaced desire to fix her mistakes.

Ditzy and Doctor: (Looks at Pinkie)

Pinkie: What? Is there something on my face?

“Those two are just being such silly ponies,” Pinkie announced seriously. “That’s not really a surprise though. Everypony knew a long time ago that Applejack is a silly pony. Remember that time when she launched into Twilight’s library? Or the time when she helped me make those baked bads? Or the bunny stampede? Or when she–”

“Yeah. I remember Pinkie. I was there.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I even wrote it my super awesome autobiography I am writing.

“Well uh! Of course you were.” The pink menace continued with her non-stop stream of words. “But Rarity’s not a silly pony like Applejack. She’s more of a drama queen, which I guess is still kinda silly, but not really proper silly. I mean, if she was going on and on about something being, ‘The. Worst. Possible. Thing.’ I’d understand, but this just goofy. She’s a smart pony, so why’s she being so silly now? It’s so obvious how much they like each other!”

Doctor: It’s a wonder they haven’t jumped each other already.

“Eh, you want my opinion, all that lovey-dovey stuff makes ponies get goofy in the head,” I declared wisely. “It’s like you said, normally they’re both pretty smart and stuff, but all the hormones and emotions and everything are making Rarity and Applejack go crazy. Hay, I bet Twilight could come up with some sort of egghead scientific proof of it or something if she studied it all. Love makes ponies stupid and crazy.

Doctor: Personally, I think it is a good kind of stupid and crazy.

It’ll get them to the point where they completely miss something incredibly obvious that’s sitting right in front of their face.

Ditzy: Oh, the irony!

That’s why they spend all their time acting weird and dancing around the subject, instead of doing the smart thing and just biting the bullet and taking care of it all in five minutes.

Pinkie: But that’s not fun at all!

If there was somepony I wanted to be my special somepony, I’d just go up to them and be like, ‘Hey, you wanna be my special somepony? We can go on a date, and then we’ll bang, OK?’”

Doctor: Classy.

Ditzy: (Facehoofs)

Pinkie: Uh, Dashie. That’s coming on a bit too strong.

Pinkie Pie looked at me skeptically. “And that works?”

Ditzy: Sure, if you’re a complete sleazeball.

Pinkie: Yeah! At least buy them a cupcake first!

“Sure.” Well, I’d never actually tried it, but Cloud Kicker told me that it was what she did, and it worked for her. So if I did the same thing, it would work. Because I’m awesome.

“Okie dokie.” Pinkie Pie stepped in front of me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said with surprising seriousness. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, do you wanna be my special somepony? We can go on a date, and then we’ll bang, OK?”

Ditzy: Here it comes.

Doctor: The funny moment where Rainbow Dash misses the incredibly obvious fact that Pinkie likes her.

Oh wow. I actually tried to keep straight face for a second or two, but nopony could pull that off. The way she’d delivered that ridiculous line so dead-serious was just too much. Soon I was rolling on the ground laughing my flank off. Not even those stone-faced guards of Celestia could’ve stood up to that. After half a minute I finally managed to recover enough to speak a coherent sentence. “Oh wow Pinkie! You totally had me going there for a second! That was great! Pinkie Pie, you are so random!”

Ditzy: Buck you Rainbow Dash! Pinkie, you should find somepony else that would actually treat you right. She isn’t worth it!

Pinkie: You’re a real meanie face Dashie!

Doctor: Gee, now there’s not much left I can say after all of that.

Oh hay, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even breathe. I finally had to stop laughing, not because it wasn’t still funny, but just because I didn’t have any more laughs left in me. And that’s when I finally noticed that there was something terribly wrong.

Doctor: Oh no, Pinkie is probably crying now.

Pinkie: Poor story me.

Pinkie Pie wasn’t laughing.

Pinkie Pie will laugh at anything. She got the Element of Laughter for a reason, after all. You can crack her up just by saying something like pickle barrel or kumquat.

Pinkie: Hmm… Kumquat maybe, but pickle barrel? Not a chance!

If she just dropped a hilarious joke, and wasn’t laughing along with me, something was seriously, seriously wrong.

All: You think!?

I got back on my hooves, and took an oddly tentative step towards her. “Pinkie? Everything alright?”

Pinkie: She just got her heart broken you insensitive jerkface!

“Yeah, just fine.” Pinkie smiled, but it was the most obviously forced smile I’d ever seen out of her. Fine my flank. I’d heard more believable lies from Applejack.

“Aw horseapples.” I hissed under my breath. I hate it when stuff like this happens. “Look, Pinkie, whatever dumb thing I did that’s got you feeling down, I’m sorry. I just…you know me, I’m an idiot. I say stupid things all the time. Don’t take it seriously, I’m just being dumb. I’m not very good at the whole subtle social interaction thing.

All: Subtle?!

Ditzy: A wrecking ball would be less subtle.

You’re an awesome friend, really. Coolest pony I know.” I paused to shine a hoof against my chest, and made a half-flanked joke. “Well, the coolest pony aside from myself, of course.”

Doctor: You just had to throw that in, didn’t you?

“Thanks Dashie.” Well, at least she sounded less miserable.

Ditzy: I really wonder what is going to happen if they do get together. If Rainbow is going to be this obvious to Pinkie’s feeling, what is going to happen when they start having relationship problems?

That was progress, right? At least I hadn’t made things worse.

Pinkie: I wonder how long that is going to last.

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault I’m being all frowny-faced.” She put on a slightly more genuine seeming smile. “You’re my bestest best friend, and we’re supposed to be going out and having fun, so let’s go have some fun!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I think the bowling alley is having cosmic bowling right now!

Well, she wasn’t quite back to normal yet, but she was definitely getting there.

Doctor: What...ever constitutes as normal.

Sure, I might stick my hoof in my mouth every once in a while, but when it was important I could turn on the old Rainbow Dash charm and talk through things.

Ditzy: That is what caused this whole problem in the first place!

Okay, maybe I wasn’t charming per se, but I made up for whatever lack of social skills I might have by being awesome.

Ditzy: No social skills? Rainbow Dash might be a bit tactless at times but she’s normally pretty sociable and friendly.

Pinkie: Yeah, Dashie is written so weirdly in this story.

Ditzy: It’s a fanfic, it’s not very surprising.

I was about to get down to planning future awesomeness with Pinkie when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. “What the…hey! All the glow just came right off of our rainbow!”

Doctor: That’s...possible?

Ditzy: Uh, no. It isn’t.

Having all the glow fall off of a rainbow was a pretty big deal,

Doctor: It looks like we have a leaky rainbow here.

especially on a day like this, where ponies are keeping an extra-close eye on the weather. Rainbows are supposed to be, well, rainbow-colored. Not grey and boring.

Pinkie: Wow! That’s really insightful! (Starts writing this down)

The fact that the rainbow stretched across Ponyville for Hearts and Hooves Day had suddenly gone grey was already attracting attention from all the ponies out and about to enjoy happy love day.

Doctor: Ponyville was moments away from a full scale riot!

Once the complaints started coming in about how the weather problems had ruined somepony’s special day, nopony was going to go easy on me just because I said I was on break when it happened.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Then they will replace the best, most awesome weather team manager in all of Equestria!

It’s one of the things that stinks about being in charge of Ponyville’s weather; unless something’s gone wrong up at Cloudsdale, I can’t shift the blame up the chain of command. Like the saying goes, the bit stops here.

Ditzy: I’m so glad Rainbow Dash isn’t actually in charge in Ponyville.

Pinkie: Hey! ...Ok you might have a point there.

Well, the fact that sometimes the weather schedule calls for it to rain from midnight to sunrise instead of keeping all the weather in the nice daylight hours kinda stinks too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) And snow stinks! Why can’t we have sunny nice weather all year around? The cold weather gets into my practicing time.

“Give me a sec Pinkie, I gotta go fix this.” I took off into the sky, and despite the situation I still felt that momentary thrill that always accompanied getting off the ground and into the air. I don’t know how the Earth Ponies and Unicorns can handle just being on the ground their entire lives.

Doctor: We get by.

Pinkie: Pfft. You act like we can’t just use jetpacks to fly!

It felt so…limiting. I mean, there’s just so much up here that all those other ponies will never get to experience. Sure, there are hot air balloons and pegasi carriages and stuff, but it’s not the same as getting up in the air on your own two wings.

I was halfway to the base greyed out rainbow, on the edge of the Whitetail Woods, when I spotted a familiar white pegasus with a pink and green mane up ahead who was headed in the same direction. “Hey Blossomforth! You see what went wrong with your rainbow?”

Ditzy: They better not blame me for this!

Doctor: Steady.

Blossomforth pulled a quick 180, and faced me. “Rainbow Dash! I thought you were still on break?”

Pinkie: (Blossom) Have you made the moves on Pinkie yet?

“Well, somepony’s gotta fix the rainbow,” I pointed out quite reasonably. “We leave a glow-less rainbow up on Hearts and Hooves day, and I’ll never hear the end of it.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll be known as Rainbow Dud!

You sure you got the glow on there right?” Blossomforth had been the one who made the rainbow after all, and getting the glow to stay on a rainbow was weather 101 stuff.

Pinkie: Or you could just use duct tape!

“I know how to make a rainbow.” Blossomforth sounded just a touch defensive as she frowned over at the decolored rainbow. “I saw a couple ponies running off from around its base. I think they might have stolen the glow off of it.” A hint of annoyance entered her voice. “Who does that? Why would anypony steal a rainbow’s glow?”

Doctor: Carmen Sandiego?

“Probably somepony’s idea of a prank.” Pinkie and I were the best pranksters in Ponyville, but not the only ones.

Ditzy: Maybe it’s Bon Bon. She loves to pull pranks.

Pinkie: She’s one of the best pranksters in Ponyville!

Doctor: Really?

Still, stealing a rainbow’s glow? Seriously lame for a prank. I flew in and gave the grey rainbow a quick check, just to confirm that Blossomforth was right. She was; the rest of the rainbow had been put together right, and the glow hadn’t just fallen off the rainbow and down onto the ground or anything.

Doctor: So, would that be toxic to the environment?

“Alright, well let’s get to work fixing this.”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Get me a banana, a pair of pliers, and maple syrup.

“Wait, I can handle this on my own Rainbow Dash,” Blossomforth assured me. “You don’t need to interrupt your da-“

“It’ll get done faster with both of us,” I interrupted. The longer that rainbow was grey, the better the chances were that somepony might start complaining about it. The last thing I needed was for the word to get out that Rainbow Dash’s weather team can’t even make a rainbow right.

Pinkie: Think of the scandal! Soon you won’t be able to show you face in Ponyville anymore! When you do ponies will laugh and call you names! Your friends will turn their backs on you never wanting to see you again! Then you will be forced to leave town in shame! Leaving everypony and everything you know and love forced to live the rest of your life alone! Never able to escape the shame of your mistake!

Blossomforth still didn’t seem too happy about having me help. I guess she really wanted to fix her rainbow by herself, or maybe she was still trying to prove she had what it took to run things when I wasn’t around. Either way, with both of us working together we had the rainbow back to normal in less than a minute.

Doctor: No ten seconds flat jokes.

Ditzy and Pinkie: Awwwwwwww.

“Nice job Rainbow Dash! You too Blossomforth!” I looked down, and wasn’t even surprised to see that Pinkie had followed me over here. Sure, most ponies would’ve had trouble getting from Ponyville park to end of the rainbow on the outskirts of Ponyville proper in the two minutes it had taken me to fly here and fix the rainbow, but most ponies weren’t Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: For that, we are all grateful.

Pinkie: Hmmmmmm. After the Mirror Pool incident, I think you might be right.

Pinkie Pie tapped a hoof thoughtfully on her chin, and called up to me, “You were gone a lot longer than a sec though.” Trust Pinkie to take me literally when I said something would only take a second to fix.

Pinkie: You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean!

“You don’t have to feel bad about it though Dashie! I’m totally, absolutely, 100% completely okay with giving you lots and lots of secs if that’s what you need!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Takes years, decades even!

Right after Pinkie said that, Blossomforth covered her mouth for a few seconds, and then started having a really nasty coughing fit. She was coughing so hard she was kind of having a hard time staying in the air, and her face was redder than one of Applejack’s apples.

Ditzy: Somepony call a doctor!

“You okay there, Blossomforth?”

“Yeah, just fine,” she managed to croak out.

Pinkie: Ribbit Ribbit!

“Dashie!” Pinkie shouted up at both of us. “Do you need me to give you more secs?” Blossomforth’s entire face turned an even brighter shade of red. “Gottagonowbye!” I have to say, she managed to fly off at a pretty impressive speed for a pegasus who’s normally not anything all that special as a flyer.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Is it something I said?

I dismissed Blossomforth’s odd behavior with a shrug, and got back down to ground level. “Sorry that took so long Pinkie.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I’m sorta married to my job.

“Oh I don’t mind Dashie,” Pinkie Pie reassured me. “In fact, while I was waiting I came up with a new song to sing for you.”

Pinkie: (Starts bouncing) Goody!

Ditzy: Yes!

Doctor: (Sighs) Alright.

Oh great. Here we go. Pinkie Pie started eagerly bouncing around me from various angles that I’m sure wouldn’t be physically possible for any other pony,

Doctor: (Rainbow) She somehow bounced in a bizarre counterclockwise motion.

and launched into another one of her crazy little random songs.

Pinkie: Random? Is it going to be about anteater otters from Dimension X?

“Dashie you’re a great pony, the bestest one of all

You’re the very fastest flier and know how to bounce a ball

You kicked a dragon in the face, and compared to him you’re small

Dashie what I’m saying here is you’re totally a doll

You might not be a smarty pants or know how to apple buck

But you’re still really awesome and you have a lot of pluck

Ditzy: A lot of awkward rhyming in this song.

And maybe finally today, I’ll have a bit of luck

We’ll lie down somewhere comfortable, and then we’ll … Oh hi there Derpy!”

Doctor: Thank you convenient censoring.

Pinkie: N….ot one of my best songs.

I was a little startled when Pinkie suddenly stopped singing, but I wasn’t about to complain about anything that got her out of one of her musical moods.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ponies bursting into song at the drop of a hat? Who does that?

Pinkie’s songs can be fun sometimes, but hanging out with a pony that can’t go more than five minutes without bursting out into another crazy random song can get a little annoying sometimes.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie! I only burst into song when its the right moment to!

Well, it wasn’t so bad when they were just short little ones, but sometimes she got into it enough to just keep singing and singing, until it got to the point where it could drive a pony nuts.

Doctor: (Rainbow) If I have to hear 99 bottles of cider on the wall one more time...

I gave a grateful wave to the young gray mare who’d rescued me from Pinkie’s musical ministrations. “Hey Derpy! What’s up?” A second later, the smile on my face faded as I got a good look at her. Derpy looked pretty down, and that’s bad considering the fact that Derpy’s generally one of the few ponies out there who can give Pinkie Pie a run for her money in the perpetual cheerfulness department. “What’s wrong?”

Doctor: (Derpy) I dropped a batch of muffins on the floor.

Next thing I knew, I had a grey pegasus clinging to me and babbling out an explanation. Derpy spilled it all out so fast I could barely make out what she was saying; if not for all of my practice dealing with Pinkie’s rapid-fire chattering, I probably would’ve been completely lost. From what I could make out, the guy she’d been hanging with for Hearts and Hooves Day had to run off to Manehattan to take care of some sort of thing involving something called baleks or something, and had left her behind.

Doctor: Why would I do that? I don’t want to face Daleks alone.

Ditzy: Yeah! The Doctor needs me to bail him out of trouble!

No wonder she was down; her date had ditched her.

Ditzy: Yeah Doctor! That was really mean of you!

Pinkie: Yeah! You should be ashamed!

Doctor: It wasn’t me!

Note to self: find whathisface whenever he got back from Manehattan and kick him in the head. Hard.

Doctor: I save the world countless times and this is the thanks I get?!

Well, maybe I’d give him a chance to explain himself; if he had a good enough story, maybe I’d only kick him hard enough to leave a black eye.

Ditzy: This behavior is really troubling. I can understand protecting your friends, but this is just mean.

I looked down at the depressed pegasus in my hooves, and came to a decision.

Ditzy: This will be the last day the Doctor lives.

“Tell you what Derpy, how about you hang with me and Pinkie for the rest of the day?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Maybe we can find a baseball bat so you can break that jerk’s legs.

To be honest, I was just a bit nervous about the risk of combining Pinkie’s knack for making things get incredibly weird with Derpy’s tendency to make things go catastrophically wrong,

Ditzy: (Growls)

Pinkie: What? Things are never weird around me!

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow)

but when I suggested she spend the day hanging with us it seemed to perk Derpy up a bit, and got a tentative smile out of her. As long as we didn’t end up accidentally blowing up half of Ponyville by the end of the day, that made whatever happened worth it. “Go get Dinky, and between me and Pinkie we’ll give you gals an awesome day, right Pinkie?”

Ditzy: Why would I do that? She’s the one that trapped me here!

“Oh.” Pinkie didn’t sound quite as enthusiastic as I’d expected her to be, but a second later she was all smiles. “Yeah! Sure! We’ll have tons of fun!”

Ditzy: Don’t! She’ll make you read fanfiction!

Derpy was right back to her innocently cheerful self for a moment, before she paused, looked nervously between the two of us, and asked. “Um. I won’t be messing up your special day together, will I?”

Ditzy: (Derpy) Celestia knows you really need to get laid Rainbow.

“Oh no no no.” Pinkie Pie assured her, though I caught just a little hint of a lie in her voice. Weird; usually Pinkie was all for having as many ponies around as possible, and especially would’ve loved a chance to hang out with a kid. Probably because she never quite got around to growing up herself.

Pinkie: (Proud) I happen to be a very mature and responsible adult Dashie.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about me and Dashie.” Pinkie Pie assured Derpy, giving her a friendly pat on her head with her hoof. “There’s no way we could enjoy spending Hearts and Hooves Day together if we knew you were feeling all sad and blue.

Ditzy: It’s awesome to know you always have my back when I’m feeling down. Even if it is your own expense.

Pinkie: That’s so sweet!

Doctor: (Smiles)

After all, cheering up my friends is what Pinkie’s here to do!”

Pinkie: You know what this calls for?!

Doctor: A party?

Pinkie: How did you know?

“Alright then,” Derpy agreed. “I’ll go get Dinky and–“

Doctor: Are you sure you have never heard of Dinky? Maybe she’s a relative, like a cousin perhaps?

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure I haven’t.

That’s when Cloud Kicker went flying by, a paper bag clutched in her hooves. “Gee,” Cloud Kicker was speaking so woodenly and loudly that there was no question about the fact that she meant for all of us to hear her. “I sure hope Derpy doesn’t find out about this bag of freshly baked muffins I just bought.”

Ditzy: ...

“Muffins!” A second later both pegasi were a pair of rapidly dwindling dots in the distance as Cloud Kicker fled the scene with Derpy hot on her tail.

Doctor: I hope none of our enemies learn of this extremely exploitable weakness.

Ditzy: Doctor. Shut it. Now.

I turned to the party pony at my side. “Pinkie Pie.”

“Yeah Dashie?’

“You’re not the only pony I know who can be so random.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The tutu and the one rubber boot was a nice touch.

The two us started trotting back to Ponyville, just enjoying the weather I’d helped make and each other’s company. Sure, flying will always be a superior way of getting around,

Pinkie: Don’t be silly, teleporting is wayyyyy better!

but I don’t mind going on my hooves to spend more time with my friends.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Even if it makes me feel really unclean.

Pinkie Pie bumped into my shoulder. Not like an aggressive shove, or a clumsy ‘oops I got in your way’ kinda bump. Just a friendly sort of ‘Hi, here I am’ bump. “Hey Dashie?”

Doctor: The last time Pinkie gave me that sort of bump, I flew into a wall!

Pinkie: (Giggles) Jam fell on him and everything!

“Yeah, what’s up Pinkie?”

“Are you having a good Hearts and Hooves day so far?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Are you kidding!? No pony has given me gifts or candy or anything!

“Yeah, it’s been pretty cool. Well, not cool exactly. It’s been kinda weird, but fun.”

“I like weird but fun.” Pinkie commented idly.

Pinkie: Like chocolate and hot sauce covered broccoli.

Doctor: That’s a thing?

The two of us trotted along in companionable silence, which was a pretty rare thing when you’re hanging out with Pinkie Pie. Unsurprisingly, it was Pinkie Pie who finally broke the silence. “Um, Dashie? There’s something I wanna tell you.”

Ditzy: Seeing how she is too stupid to get any subtle hints, this will be her next best option.

Doctor: And, of course, hilariously Rainbow Dash doesn’t get it.

Pinkie: Is this just the same joke over and over again?

Whoa. She sounded nervous. Not the fun happy giggly kind of nervous, the scared and worried kind of nervous. “Alright, go for it.”

“I…” Pinkie hesitated for a moment, and then blurted out. “There’s somepony I’m interested in.”

Pinkie: (Pinkie) She’s rainbow colored and is the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria!

Doctor: (Rainbow) I wonder who she means.

Oh. Wow. I’m–I’m not quite sure how I felt about that. Kind of pissed off, now that I think about it. “Oh really?” I asked, playing it cool. “Who? Anypony I know?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I’m sure I would just love to hur-meet this pony.

“Yeah, I’d say you know her pretty well,” Pinkie answered with a bit of a giggle in her voice. “You’re really close.”

Pinkie: So close your practically one pony!

She couldn’t be talking about…from the way she said that it sounded like… “No way! It’s one of our friends?” Whoa. That was gonna change a lot of things. “It’s not Applejack or Rarity is it? ‘Cause we both know that they wanna…you know…”

Pinkie: Jump on each other’s bones and make sweet, passionate love?

“Nopey dopey,” Pinkie answered with a smile and a shake of her head. “Guess again.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Can I get a lifeline?

“Twilight?” The detail-obsessed egghead didn’t really seem like Pinkie’s kinda pony, but it’s not like I should expect her choices when it came to the pony she had a thing for to make any more sense than, well, anything else she’s ever done in her life, and Twilight could use somepony to loosen her up a bit. I bet she’s been spending all of Hearts and Hooves Day with her one true love, books.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh books, you’re the only one that understands me!

Sure, I’ve learned that a good book is awesome and all, but that pony can take it a little too far sometimes.

Doctor: The fact that she started naming them and dressing them up really freaked Rainbow Dash out.

“Nopey dopey.”

“You can’t mean Fluttershy.” Don’t get me wrong, Fluttershy’s cool in her own way, but I’m pretty sure Pinkie would give her a heart attack within a couple hours of them getting together.A pony that is so sensitive and nervous that she’s scared of her own shadow doesn’t combine all that well with Pinkie’s crazy and unpredictable spontaneity.

Pinkie: Hmmm, Twilight did make me Pinkie Promise not to throw Fluttershy surprise parties anymore.

“Nopey dopey.” Pinkie grinned and got nose-to-nose with me. “Ya need a hint, Dashie?”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) It rhymes with Grainbow Nash.

Well, considering the fact that she’d already ruled out all our friends, I was kinda lost about who she meant. “Yeah, that’d help, ‘cause right now I got no idea who you’re talking about.”

All: (Sighs)

Pinkie: Is Dashie doing this on purpose?

“Well, she is a pegasus,” Pinkie informed me playfully.

Oh. That explained why Pinkie said I knew whoever this mystery mare was. Between growing up in Cloudsdale and the fact that my day job is weather work, most of my casual friends are pegasi. Wings kinda are a requirement for pushing clouds. “You don’t mean Derpy, do you? I’m pretty sure her barn door doesn’t swing that way.”

Pinkie: Silly Dashie, Ditzy doesn’t own a barn, so can she have a barn door?

“Nopey dopey.” Pinkie was still smiling at me, like this whole thing was just some big game she was playing. “But she is one of the bravest ponies I’ve ever known.”

Doctor: Recklessness is not courage. It’s foolishness.

“It better not be Cloud Kicker,” I growled. “She promised me that my friends were off-limits.” I don’t have any problems with Cloud Kicker’s habit of turning on the charm whenever she finds a pony that catches her eye, but I have a big problem with her doing that where my friends are involved. I brought the topic up once, and she told me that not messing around with my friends was one of her rules, which goes to show that she’s not an idiot.

Ditzy: Um, isn’t that their choice?

Doctor: And what, you would attack her if she did?

Sure, I can’t fire a pony for what she does in her personal life, but I can sure as hay make the rest of Cloud Kicker’s time on the weather team intensely unpleasant if she pisses me off.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) Why am working while covered in cobras again?

Doctor: (Rainbow) Do it or I’ll dock your pay again!

“No, it’s not Cloud Kicker.” Pinkie was starting to sound a bit less enthusiastic about this game.

Pinkie: I should have gone with charades instead.

“She won the Best Young Fliers competition in Cloudsdale.”

Hmm. That’s a tricky one; not many Ponyville ponies win the Best Young Fliers. “You like Dizzy Twister?”

Ditzy: (Baffled) That was your first guess?

Doctor: This is going to be a long fic.

“Her first name is Rainbow.” Pinkie said flatly.

“No way!” That certainly narrowed it down. “You’ve got a crush on Rainbowshine?”

All: Argh!

Ditzy: Just...ugh.

Pinkie let out a frustrated growl and turned her back on me, only to look over her shoulder and snap. “You can be a real poopy-head sometimes, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie trotted off, leaving me behind in her dust.

Pinkie: I don’t blame her. Dashie is being a really big stupid head.

Doctor: There’s dense, then there’s braindead.

I stared bemusedly at the rapidly disappearing pink pony. “So…not Rainbowshine?”

I was left right there in the middle of Whitetail Wood, feeling vaguely confused about why Pinkie had gotten annoyed with me in the first place. Hay, all those hints she’d given me didn’t even add up!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Thinking is hard!

Before I could try to puzzle through all of this,

Doctor: (Rainbow) It was like a puzzle with like 50 pieces in it!

I heard a rather familiar voice calling out to me. “Psst! Rainbow Dash!” A white hoof gestured me over towards the nearest tree.

Pinkie: Prince Blueblood?

“Blossomforth?” The pegasus gave me a rather sheepish grin from her hiding place in the tree. “What are you doing? Why are you hiding in a tree?”

Ditzy: (Blossom) Uh, um...Looking out for ninjas!

Blossomforth blushed slightly and mumbled. “Um, I was gonna give you these flowers.” She pulled a set of flowers that probably would’ve really impressed somepony like Rarity out from the tree.

Pinkie: What an unexpected plot twist!

Okay. That was unexpected. “Er, wow. I’m flattered and all Blossomforth, but I’m not really interested in–“

“Oh!” Blossomforth went from a slight blush the a full-blown one. “No! It’s not–I’m not! No! They’re for you to give to Pinkie Pie!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Are you sure you aren’t just giving me them to eat? Why would I ever give Pinkie…

Doctor: (Blossom) Just give them you idiot!

“Why not just give them to her yourself then?” Good thing Blossomforth wasn’t a brave Best Young Fliers winner, or the fact that she had flowers to give to Pinkie Pie would’ve been a big problem.

All: (Facehoofs)

Pinkie: Dashie, you are really hurting my head!

“But–but I was–I’m trying to–”

“Alright, settle down Blossomforth.” I guess one advantage of being friends with Fluttershy for so long is that I’ve got some idea of how to deal with a pony that’s in middle of working herself into a nervous wreck. “Stop panicking. Deep breaths.” It was weird; normally Blossomforth was a pretty levelheaded pony.

Ditzy: Dealing with you, I’m not surprised she is acting this way.

Blossomforth took a few deep breaths, and seemed to regain her composure. “Sorry, it’s just this kind of thing makes me really nervous, and when you thought I was–um–well, you know.”

Pinkie: Two timing me by putting the moves on the pony I have had my eyes on for a super duper long time?

Blossomforth cleared her throat, and managed to calmly say, “These flowers are for you to give to Pinkie Pie once Cloud Kicker is done convincing her to come back here.”

Ditzy: Just give it up! Rainbow Dash is just too stupid!

Pinkie: (Nods) This is just hopeless!

“Okay then.” Aren’t explanations normally supposed to leave you with fewer questions, not more? “Why are you giving me flowers to give to Pinkie Pie, and why is Cloud Kicker talking to her?”

Doctor: Explain to her very slowly.

Pinkie: Oh! Oh! Use charts and diagrams too!

Doctor: That might help.

“We overheard the two of you arguing, and Cloud Kicker thought we should help out,” Blossomforth answered. “After all, we would hate to see your Hearts and Hooves Day end badly.”

Pinkie: And Dashie really can’t pick up on this?

Doctor: You have to admire the story Pinkie’s tenacity in the face of such adversity

“Alright. Well, thanks, I guess.” Kinda weird they would go to so much trouble just to help out after I got into an argument with a friend, but whatever. Besides, these flowers did look kind of tasty, and nopony said I had to give all of them to Pinkie.

Pinkie: You are a super meanie mcmeanie jerkface!

Doctor: Why does Pinkie like her again?

“No problem Rainbow Dash.” Blossomforth took off into the air.

Just as Blossomforth had told me she would, Pinkie came back a minute or so later, looking slightly abashed. “Um, Dashie? Sorry I called you a poopy-head. I was being a big mean grumpy mean meaniepants.” She shot a slightly scared look in my direction. “Are you mad at me?”

Doctor: Pinkie, no one could possibly stay mad at you for long.

Pinkie: Ahh, shucks.

“It’s fine Pinks.” Compared to having to put up with being called Rainbow Crash or dealing with all the stuff Fluttershy and Derpy went through back at Flight Camp,

Ditzy: Ugh.

Doctor: Do you want to talk about it?

Ditzy: Maybe later.

Pinkie getting annoyed with me wasn’t anything to get worked up about. “Sometimes friends get into arguments, doesn’t change the fact that we’re still friends. It’s not a big deal.”

“Thanks Dashie.” She smiled at me, and then gave me an entirely expected mega-hug.

Pinkie: Wow! A mega-hug! I usually save those for special occasions!

I smiled, went along with it, and hugged her back, right up to the moment when my right wing gave a nasty little twinge. “Ow!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Dear Celestia! I think you broke it into 16 places!

Pinkie immediately loosened her crushing hold on me and pulled back in concern. “You okay Dashie?

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gave a casual flap of my wings to demonstrate as much. “Nothing big, it’s just my wing’s still a little tender from that crash.”

Ditzy: I wonder if anything elsewas damaged during that crash.

Pinkie: That would explain a few things.

Flying and stuff like that was easy, but a full-strength Pinkie-hug will put a pony’s wings under a lot more stress than most of the basic flying I’d been doing.

Pinkie: Is it really that bad? I don’t think I’m thatstrong.

Doctor: Trust me, you have a hug like a boa constrictor.

“Okay then,” Pinkie chirped agreeably, putting the matter entirely out of her mind. The fact that there was something else to grab her attention probably helped. “Dashie, are those flowers?”

“Yeah.”

Doctor: What? No smart aleck remark for once?

“Are those flowers for me?” Pinkie Pie was nose-to-nose with me again, a huge smile on her face.

“Yeah.”

Doctor: Poor Pinkie. Her hopes are going to be dashed to the rocks again.

“Oh thank you Dashie!”

I should’ve known she would go right into hugging mode after I gave her a present.

Pinkie: Well duh, hug mode is the best!

“Watch the wing Pinkie! Watch the wing!” I guess my words must have gotten though, cause this time she only tried to break my ribs. I swear, being friends with Pinkie Pie is more dangerous than playing professional hoofball.

Doctor: Not the best metaphor. I would have gone with bear wrestling.

Ditzy: Doctor, Fluttershy wrestles bears all the time and never gets so much as a scratch.

Doctor: Wait...what!?

Pinkie bounced over to the flowers, gave them an appreciative sniff, and then gobbled half of them up rapid-fire. “Mmm! Tasty!”

Pinkie: Though they could really do with some chocolate! And Sprinkles!

Once she managed to swallow enough of the flowers to speak without spraying petals everywhere, Pinkie paused long enough to shoot a curious look my way. “Hey Dashie, how’d you get flowers so fast anyway? Didja do some really fancy flying?”

“Nah, Blossomforth gave ‘em to me.”

Pinkie spat the flowers out. “Excuse me?” A hint of fire entered the party pony’s voice. “Did you just say that Blossomforth gave you flowers? Today? On Hearts and Hooves Day?”

Ditzy: Uh oh.

Pinkie: Incoming!

Doctor: Duck and cover!

“Yeah, but she said-”

Pinkie bit her lip as her entire face twisted into an expression of barely contained fury. Like with a lot of things about Pinkie, it didn’t stay contained for very long. “NO PARTIES FOR BLOSSOMFORTH!” Pinkie shrieked. “NO PARTIES FOR HER EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! NO PARTIES FOREVER!”

Pinkie and Ditzy: (Gasps)

Doctor: The horror. The unspeakable horror.

“Whoa Pinkie, calm down! She was just –”

“SHE’S UN-INVITED TO ALL OF MY PARTIES! NO GAMES! NO SNACKS! NO SMILES! NO CHEERING HER UP IF SHE FEELS SAD OR BLUE! NO RANDOM SONGS OUT OF NOWHERE FOR BLOSSOMFORTH! NO –”

Pinkie: No cheering up?! No songs?! She’s out of control!

“Pinkie Pie!”

Just like that, her sudden explosion of rage snapped off, and she grinned at me and batted her eyelashes playfully. “Yes, Dashie?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Uhh, er… Be...nice?

Before I could explain what had happened to her and try to figure out why she’d freaked out so much,

Ditzy: Just think out the situation for one sec! It isn’t that hard!

two very familiar pegasi came walking down the road together. Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth. What were those up to now?

Pinkie: What silly, wacky antics are they up to today?

Pinkie spotted the pegasus that had apparently just become her nemesis,

Pinkie: (Blossomforth) STARS!

and planted her hooves to get ready for a charge. So much for calming Pinkie Pie down.

Pinkie: She prepared a rocket launcher!

Right as Pinkie was about to charge, Cloud Kicker very loudly asked, “So Blossomforth, what do you think of your entirely platonic friend Rainbow Dash?”

“I think she is an entirely platonic friend who I have absolutely no romantic interest in whatsoever.” Blossomforth was talking just as loudly and woodenly as Cloud Kicker.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Platonic? What’s that? Is it some sort of cake?

Looks like these were up to some crazy scheme again. I guess I should’ve expected it after they’d jumped in a couple minutes ago; Pinkie had certainly been shouting loud enough that everypony within a couple miles of us had heard her.

Doctor: But they are used to it and ignore it a few moments later.

“In fact,” Blossomforth continued on for Pinkie’s benefit. “I don’t even know Rainbow Dash all that well. We’re really more like casual acquaintances than friends. Entirely platonic casual acquaintances.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) That hurts! I thought we were friends!

“I’m glad we’ve established that you have no romantic interest in Rainbow Dash,” Cloud Kicker said one final time for our benefit, before turning to face us and doing what probably would’ve been a passable imitation of surprise if not for the fact that she and Blossomforth were being pretty much the complete opposite of subtle. “Rainbow Dash! Pinkie Pie! What a surprise! I didn’t expect to run into you gals again.”

Pinkie: Wow! They should get an Oscar for this!

“We’ve run into you and Blossomforth three times in the last fifteen minutes, so I can see how it would be such a surprise that you’d run into us again,” I deadpanned. I was a little tempted to just sit them both down and wring a straight answer out of them about what the hay they were up to.

Ditzy: Somehow I doubt you would understand even that.

At least their crazy little play had accomplished what it had set out to do, since Pinkie had stopped ranting about un-inviting Blossomforth to all her parties.

Ditzy: Sooooo…..Is she still uninvited to her parties?

But getting answers wasn’t nearly as much fun as some of the other things I could do to them.

Doctor: Uh.

Ditzy: Was that suppose to sound sinister?

Pinkie: (Rainbow) I haven’t had a visitor in my special basement for awhile. (Evil Laugh)

“So.” I drew the word out while I brushed a hoof against my chest. “Cloud Kicker. I can’t help but notice that you and Blossomforth have been hanging out quite a bit today. On Hearts and Hooves Day. What’s up with that?”

The two pegasi froze for a moment, and then Cloud Kicker tossed a foreleg around Blossomforth’s shoulders, and pulled the protesting mare up against her side. “Oh yeah, me and Blossom are a thing now,” Cloud Kicker announced casually “I went up to her, and I was like, ‘Hey Blossom! I’ve got reach, and you’ve got flexibility. We should bang.’ And she said, ‘You’re right, the sex would be great!’ And that’s how it happened.”

Ditzy: I’m… sure the stretching would make things interesting.

Blossomforth was back to blushing intensely, and seemed to be trying to find some way to extract herself from Cloud Kicker’s hooves without being too obvious about it. Not quite sure what the hay these two were up to, but Cloud Kicker must have gone off of whatever plan they had. “So anyway,” The crazier of the two pegasi continued. “We’re going for a walk, and once we’re done we’re gonna go back to my place. Presumably, to bang. Right babe?”

Ditzy: Hey that was actually really funny!

Doctor: Maybe the fic will stop using the same joke over and over again.

Judging by how much she was blushing and the look of mingled embarrassment and horror on Blossomforth’s face, it was very much not right. Cloud Kicker let out a nervous chuckle, and gave the two of us a grin that lacked its usual confidence. “She’s just being shy. Anyway we’re gonna go bang now. Later.”

Ditzy: Why can’t the story be about these two? It would be way more entertaining!

Doctor: Good idea. Cloud Kicker reminds me of a certain Captain Jack I used to know.

Pinkie: Good idea! I am going to leave a comment about this later!

The two pegasi trotted off down the path, leaving the two of us to wonder just what they hay that had all been about. Lucky for us, we weren’t the only ones. “Cloud Kicker!” Blossomforth’s voice rang out with seconds of them crossing around a bend in the path and getting out of sight. “What were you thinking?”

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) I wanted to get us out of that situation and hit on you at the same time.

“I was improvising,” The other pegasus answered a bit defensively.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I’m appearing on ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ next week.

“Improvising my hoof.” A second later Blossomforth’s voice hit another high note.

Pinkie: Breaking glass all over the park!

“Speaking of hooves, why is your hoof on my flank?”

“Sorry, force of habit.” A second later, Cloud Kicker added in an impressed tone. “Wow, you are really toned back here! Do you work out?”

“Cloud Kicker!”

Pinkie: That’s sexual harassment and that is not cool!

“Right. Hooves off. Sorry.”

“Um, gals?” Pinkie called out to the two crazy pegasi. “We can hear everything you’re saying. Just thought you’d wanna know.”

After a long, awkward pause, Cloud Kicker summed up her thoughts on that with a single word. “Feathers.”

Pinkie: That’s okay! I speak out my plans in front of everypony all the time too!

“Great plan, Cloud Kicker,” Blossomforth snarked.

“Wait Blossom, I’ve got the perfect plan to fix this.” Cloud Kicker assured her friend.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Blossom grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room!

“I’m not going to do … that with you.” I couldn’t see her to confirm it, but I’m pretty sure Blossomforth was blushing again.

“Sheesh Blossom, not all of my plans involve sex.” Cloud Kicker sounded just a touch offended,

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I happen to be an upstanding and moral citizen of the community.

but a second later she was right back to her normal self “Just the best ones. Besides, you know that like, half of the rules I’ve got make you seriously off-limits for banging.”

Doctor: Something about her coat color and her uncle being a plumber.

“We can still hear you,” I called out.

“Oh yeah.” Cloud Kicker didn’t even sound all that bothered that we’d just overheard what for any other pony would be a very private conversation. “Guess we owe you an explanation, right boss?”

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) We are trying to get you and Pinkie together. She is just crazy about you and has been trying to win your affection all day.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) What are you trying to say? I don’t understand you at all!

“I would kinda like to know why you’ve been acting so crazy. Well, crazier than usual, anyway.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) It’s just like Twilight said! All the ponies in this town are crazy!

One ashamed looking white pegasus and a lavender pegasus doing her best to look completely cool and unbothered strode back. “Hey boss,” Cloud Kicker said, as if we were just casually passing by each other in the street.

“It was all Cloud Kicker’s idea!” Blossomforth blurted out.

Doctor: (Blossom) I'm innocent! I was only following orders!

A second later her eyes widened in surprise, and she slammed her hooves over her mouth.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) You traitor!

“Gee, thanks for that show of solidarity, Blossom.” Cloud Kicker took a step forward. “She’s right though. It was all my idea; she was just along for the ride and following my orders. So, if you’re mad at us, just don’t take it out on her, ‘kay?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Fine. I’m docking your pay.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) On second thought….It was all Blossomforth’s idea! She coerced me into doing it!

“Right now, I’m more curious than mad,” I told the two pegasi. “I’ll figure out if I need to move along to mad after one of you tells me what was going on here.”

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Do you want the full or abridged version?

“We were just trying to help,” Blossomforth said. “And, um, also, I was lying earlier. It was all my idea; Cloud Kicker’s trying to protect me.”

Ditzy: From...what exactly?

“Blossom, shut it.” Cloud Kicker turned back to me. “Ignore her boss, it was all me.”

“The flowers were my idea!” Blossomforth objected. “And we wouldn’t have even gotten into this mess if I hadn’t suggested that we let Rainbow Dash take a break so she could –“

“Blossom, what part of ‘shut it’ are you not getting?” Cloud Kicker snapped at her friend, before returning her attention to me. “Look, boss, she was just trying to help. Go easy on her. It was my fault that things –”

“No Cloud Kicker! I’m not letting you take all the blame for –“

“Blossom, just be quiet and let me handle this!”

“It’s my fault too!”

Ditzy: (Blossom) Take me instead, just leave her out of this!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) Oh no, I’m not going to let you heroically sacrifice yourself for my sake!

Ditzy: (Blossom) No, it’s better this way! I need to protect my best friend in the whole world!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) You don’t think I feel the same way? You have your whole life ahead of you! I’m just a filly that sleeps around. You have way more to live for!

Ditzy: (Blossom) No no no! I’m not going to let you do this! It’s my decision!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) I’m not going to…

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Gah, stop it! Stop it already!

Alright, that was enough of that. “Both of you shut up!” That finally managed to stop the two of them from arguing over which one of them deserved to be punished more.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) For the record, it’s me.

“If the two of you are done trying to be all noble and self-sacrificing, could one of you get around to the part that I actually care about, and do some explaining?”

Ditzy: It’s about time somepony laid out all the fact already!

“Oh. Right. Sure thing boss.” Cloud Kicker gave a sheepish chuckle and awkwardly tucked a foreleg behind her head to straighten out her mane. “Well, Blossom and I figured you’d wanted to spend Hearts and Hooves Day with Pinkie, so when we saw it wasn’t working out, we took over the weather for you. Then after the whole rainbow-losing-its-glow thing,

Doctor: Are they ever going to explain who did that?

well, Blossom and I were both right there anyway, and I guess we figured that since we’d already kinda given the two of you a helping hoof once, why not help out some more?”

Ditzy: Celestia knows they need it!

“We really were just trying to help,” Blossomforth apologized.

“Yeah, what Blossom said,” Cloud Kicker agreed. “I mean, I’m kinda the last pony who should be talking about romance and stuff, but even I can tell you two are crazy in love with each other.”

Pinkie: Honestly, I’m not really sure if Dashie even understands the concept of love.

Doctor: Good question.

What?

“Cloud Kicker and I just wanted to help you two have a nice date for Hearts and Hooves Day,” Blossomforth added.

No seriously. What the hay?

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Pinkie...likes me!? What a shock!

I turned to Pinkie Pie, who in this bizarre world-turned-upside-down had somehow become my last bastion of sanity.

Pinkie: Wow, never thought I would see the day that would happen!

Doctor and Ditzy: (Nods)

“Well, this wasn’t exactly what I had planned Dashie.” Pinkie smiled at me. “But I can work with it.”

Pinkie: (Pinkie) It’s a good thing I brought a tuba with me!

And then Pinkie kissed me.

Ditzy: Strangely, she tasted like potato chips.

Oh.

Huh.

Well that came completely out of nowhere.

All: Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah Waaahahahah hahahaha hahahahaha!

Ditzy: Thanks Celestia that is over with.

Pinkie: That wasn’t what I was expecting.

Doctor: It would be funnier if Ms. Dash’s denseness actually made any sense.

Ditzy: It would be a lot funnier if it didn’t run the damn joke into the ground.

Pinkie: Yeah, a running joke doesn’t work if it’s the only joke!

Doctor: Let’s get out of here already.

Pinkie and Ditzy: (Nods)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkie looked at the clock on the wall. “Oh my! I need to get going!”

“What’s the rush?” Ditzy asked.

“I need to prepare for Rainbow Dash’s birthday party!” Pinkie exclaimed. “This is terrible! I only have 2 days, 6 hour, 51 minutes, and 43 seconds left to prepare!” Pinkie gasped and started towards the door. “Oh no, now I only have 2 days, 6 hour, 52 minutes, and 10 seconds left to prepare! it’s Dashie’s birthday! I will have to think up something super special for her.”

“Wait! You could at least do something to help us get out of here!” Ditzy whispered harshly. After all, she was their best chance out of here.

Pinkie winked. “Who’s to say I haven’t already!”

“Er, what?” Ditzy said in surprise.

“Then I suppose we shouldn’t keep you.” The Doctor said in a shrug. Somehow he saw this coming. He smiled. “It was nice seeing you again.”

Ditzy waved happily. “Bye Pinkie! Say hi to Rainbow Dash for me!”

Pinkie waved back. “Bye guys!” Pinkie started bouncing out of the room but stopped. She looked deep in thought.

“Is something the matter?” The Doctor asked a little concerned.

Pinkie giggled and bounced over to the Doctor and gave him a big hug. The Doctor eyes widened and he winced at her almost bone crushing hug.

“I’m going to miss you soooooo much!” Pinkie exclaimed. She eventually let go of the Doctor.

“Me too.” The Doctor said while groaning in pain. He was relieved to finally be out of that dangerous hug.

Pinkie looked deep in thought again. It looked like she was fighting over an idea in her head. The Doctor tilted his head at this. Pinkie looked deeply and intently into the Doctor’s eyes with a serious expression. He shifted around uncomfortably. “Pinkie?”

Pinkie smiled and kissed the Doctor on the lips. He froze in shock. Pinkie giggled and started for the door again. “Bye Ditzy!” She said happily.

Ditzy waved a hoof in front of the Doctor’s face. He wasn’t moving. Pinkie’s goodbye startled her and she quickly waved back.

“Bye, Doctor.” Pinkie said in a sultry tone, her eyes half-lidded and left the room. Ditzy walked up the door and looked through it. Pinkie was nowhere in sight.

“Wha-what.” The Doctor stumbled.

“You really didn’t know?” Ditzy asked. “What? Does a mare have to jump on you screaming ‘Do me baby! Do me!’ before you get that she likes you?” Ditzy rolled her eyes. “Stallions.”

“Her first name is Rainbow.” Pinkie said flatly.

“No way!” That certainly narrowed it down. “You’ve got a crush on Rainbowshine?”

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 1

Hello again! Sorry I am bit late on this, I had some problems with writer’s block. Today we will be reading ‘The Legend of Starlight’ by twow443. The very same author of the popular MST3K fic ‘twow's Labtastic Riffs’. I believe this was the first fic he ever did, and boy does it show. But for some reason I have actually taken a liking to it. It’s so silly and over the top I can’t help but love it. I got a really good laugh when I first read it and knew I had to riff it. Next time I will be reading the surprisingly better sequel ‘The Legend of Starlight-Book 2: Love at Second Sight’. It actually has grammar and correct spelling for one. Unfortunately, it makes it a little more boring.

Special thanks to twow443 for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

This fic has two alternate riffs.(I promise to avoid stories that already have been riffed in the future. But I just had to do this one!)

Game Over Mystery Science Theater

Part 1- Part 2

Fan/fic/ Theater 3000with twow himself as a riffer! (Not finished)

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 1

“Get your tail out of my face!” Scootaloo moaned spitting out Sweetie Belle’s tail.

“Opps. Sorry.” Sweetie Belle said in embarrassment.

“Shh. Quiet!” Apple Bloom hissed. “She’s going to hear ya!”

The three Cutie Mark Crusaders were hiding in a bush. Their target was close. The three watched in silence as a grey coated blond filly passed by. Dinky was humming to herself happily while walking down the dirt path road to the outskirts of town. So far, the filly had evaded the Crusaders attempts to track her. It turns out that stealth wasn’t really their strong point and Dinky quickly caught on to the fact that they were following her. The little filly was far slippier than the Crusaders expected. She just knew how to vanish in an instant, but this time they were going to get her and find her secret spaceship that Scootaloo insisted existed.

Dinky walked down the path with the Crusaders hot on her hooves. They dashed from bush to bush silently. Well, silentish. The Crusaders’ eyes hawkishly watched her. They were not going to lose her this time. Dinky walked up to little blue house. Its exterior was barebones and it had a “Sold” sign in front of it. Dinky reached for the front door, opened it, and closed the door behind her.

The Crusader watched this in confusion. “See! I told you she was just a normal pony!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed in triumph.

“Looks like ya were right after’ll Sweetie.” Apple Bloom said.

“It might just be a front for her real home!” Scootaloo proclaimed determined not to lose the argument.

“That’s true.” Appleboom admitted.

“I don’t believe this.” Sweetie Belle exclaimed in frustration. She was tired of following Dinky around and it was pretty clear that they weren’t going to get their cutie marks in investigation or spying. They have been at this for weeks.

“We should get a closer look!” Scootaloo suggested. The three Crusaders nodded and quietly snuck from the bush to a back of the house. They successfully got to the spot without being seen. Well, one mint green unicorn happened to see them sneaking around, but she just shrugged and went on her way. Many of the inhabitants of Ponyville were used their antics by now. Besides, it was bowling night.

“Give me ah boost.” Apple Bloom requested. The other two crusaders assisted her and lifted her so she could get a good look in the back window. What she saw wasn’t much. It was a just an empty bedroom full of boxes with a bed on the left side. Of what she could see of the rest of the house, it looked like it had just been moved into. Most of it was empty and boxes littered the floor. She could see Dinky through a door getting a juice box out of the refrigerator. “Ah don’t see much. It looks like they just moved in.”

“Do you see any cool space ship stuff?” Scootaloo asked hopefully.

“Not really. Just boxes.” Apple Bloom replied.

“Come on! There has to be something!”

“This is so stupid.” Sweetie Belle grumbled.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” A new voice asked startling the crusaders making them to lose their balance and causing them to fall in a pile. They groaned in pain. They looked up to see who that voice came from.

The unicorn mare was thin and little lanky. She had a mauve colored coat with a dark grey mane. Her mane was in a long ponytail and it hung along her back. Her cutie mark was a plain black ‘X’. Her eyes were a sickly yellow color and there was something unsettling about them. Her face was more rugged than beautiful and she was wearing a frown on her muzzle.

The crusaders recognized this mare as Dinky’s older sister. If the Crusaders remembered right, her name was Star Shot. “We were…uh..uh.. “ Scootaloo stumbled to come up with an excuse.

“Trying to get our cutie marks in spying!” Sweetie Belle blurted out.

“…What?” Star Shot asked incredulously.

“We were tryin’ to see if we could track Dinky without her noticin’!” Apple Bloom hurriedly explained. The other Crusaders nodded.

Star Shot facehoofed. “Kids.”

“Uh, what? We ain’t goats!” Apple Bloom asked in confusion.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo exclaimed.

“Right. Oh course you’re not.” Star Shot said recovering from the unexpected answer. “Now if you are quite done…scram. Now!” Star Shot said evenly. The Crusanders shrunk at this and slowly nodded.

“We will just be on our way!” Scootaloo nervously said.

“Ya’! We just have so much more crusading to do!” Apple Bloom piped in.

“We’ll stop being a bother.” Sweetie Belle replied. The Crusaders slowing backed away. Star Shot kept glaring at them intensely.

“Do we have company?” Asked a soft voice from around the house. Dinky walked into the back lawn with a juice box in her hooves. “Apple Bloom?”

“You know these squirts?” Star Shot asked.

Dinky nodded. “They go to school with me.” She answered.

“Hiya Dinky! We were just…seeing what you were up to! ” Scootaloo proclaimed trying her best to recover from the awkward situation.

“Catch these brats spying on you.” Said Star Shot. The crusaders looked sheepishly at Dinky.

“We wer’ just curious that’s all!” Apple Bloom decided to come clean. “You keep so much to yerself. We ain’t know much ‘bout you.”

“We just wanted to know more about you. You barely talk about yourself.”Sweetie Belle interjected.

“She barely speaks at all. Ow.” Sweetie Belle elbowed Scootaloo. “It’s true!”

“Oh, that’s fine.” Dinky said sheepishly.

“So why all the secrecy?” Apple Bloom asked. “You seemed determined not let anypony know where you lived.”

“Well, we just got this place a week ago. Before that me, my sister, and my dad were living out of a hotel. My dad just got a job here and wasn’t able to find a place to live in at first.” Dinky answered.

“So why hide it?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I didn’t want anypony to know that was homeless.” Dinky answered and then gave a sheepish look. “I thought I might get teased for it.”

“Well shoot. That’s all?” Apple Bloom smiled. “Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of.” The other Crusaders nodded.

“And if somepony tried to bully you, we totally would have had your back!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Us blank flanks need to stick together!”

“And that settles that!” Star Shot interjected. “It was all just some silly misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, can you believe Scootaloo thought you were an alien?” Sweetie Belle teased.

“Hey! It was a good theory at the time!” Scootaloo defended.

“Kids sure come up with the darndest things.” Star Shot said amused. The crusaders looked at Star Shot confused.

“Why do ya keep….” Star Shot interrupted her.

“Say Dinky! How about you and little friends run off to play somewhere?” Star Shot hurriedly said. “It’s such a nice day, and it would be such a shame to waste it indoors.”

“But what about…”

“Oh don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.” Star Shot waved a hoof dismissively. “Good run off and play with your friends.”

Dinky looked hesitant. “We’d love to have ya.” Apple Bloom reassured smiling.

“Come along. It will be fun and you might even get your cutie mark!” Sweetie Belle argued.

“Might get it?” Scootaloo scoffed. “With what we have planned out, there is no way she won’t!”

“We could even make ya’ into an honorary member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

Dinky still looked hesitant, but gave in. “Sure, why not?”

“Perfect. Not you little scamps run off and have some fun.” Star Shot said pushing Dinky toward the Crusaders. She nodded and the four fillies started trotting away.

“Bye!” Star Shot waved and gave a smile that seemed fake somehow. When the Crusaders and Dinky were out of sight, she sighed. “Now that is cleared up. I should really go and play host for our guests. Can’t keep them waiting.”

“She’s late.” The Doctor noted. “That’s a first.”

“Maybe we won’t get an experiment today?” Ditzy wondered. This was very strange, usually Dinky was on time like clockwork.

“If we should be so lucky.” The Doctor sounded less than optimistic.

“Hello our little test subject!” Said a female voice the Doctor and Ditzy had never heard before. Strangely it wasn’t distorted like Dinky’s usually was. It was a gruff voice and had an edge of self satisfaction to it.

“Dinky?” Ditzy hesitantly asked.

“Oh no, Dinky couldn’t make it. So I am making up for her.”

“And you are?” The Doctor asked.

“You can call me.” The stranger paused for effect. “Mr. X.”

“What?” Ditzy asked incredulous.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “You’re really going with that name?”

“That’s kinda silly. Dinky already used it and you aren’t even a Mister.”

“Believe me. It fits.” Mr. X replied.

“Whatever. What are we reading today?” The Doctor shrugged.

“Today for your reading pleasure you will be reading ‘The Legend of Starlight’ by twow443.” Mr. X gave a small chuckle. “Enjoy.”

The experiment alarm went off. The Doctor sighed. “Let’s go.”

“Seriously, Mr. X?’ Ditzy pondered before following the Doctor in the theater.

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Chapter 1- A New Beginning.

It's not easy being a teenager in this world.

Ditzy: The world constantly under threat. Having to fighting evil in power suits with other teenagers with attitude.

It also isn't easy liking a show that most people would say is for little girls.

Doctor: (Teenager) Strawberry Shortcake forever!

But what can I say? I'm different. How different, you ask?

Ditzy: (Teenager) I like the taste of orange juice after brushing my teeth.

Continue to read my story, and learn my friend.

My name is Star. Weird name for a boy,

Ditzy: ...What? That isn’t weird at all!

Doctor: Maybe if you were human?

I know. I'm 12 years old and a diehard brony.

Ditzy: A what?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

I was an orphan,

All: Naturally.

left on my parents doorstep when I was young.

Ditzy: (Teenager) By wizards!

My parents told me there had been a note on my chest that said,

Doctor: (Note) Please take this child. No one else wants him. You are our last hope.

“Please take care of this young one. He will be very important in the future.”

Ditzy: Ugh. Please tell me there isn’t a prophecy!

I didn't really know what it meant, so I didn't think about it.

Doctor: I’m sure you are going to live a long and boring life.

I lived like a normal kid,

Ditzy: Oh, the main character is a goat!. Star is a weird name for a goat.

Doctor: It could just mean a young child.

went to school, played video games,

Ditzy: Swore profanities online that would make a sailor blush.

ran outside

All:(Singing) And I ran, I ran so far away

Couldn't get away

.... Life was rather easy for me and my family, until my 13th birthday…

Doctor: And this particular birthday just happened to be on Friday the thirteenth.

Ditzy: And he broke a mirror, a black cat walked along his path, and he walked under a ladder earlier that day.

It was on a Sunday, I got some video games and other stuff (which was AWESOME).

Doctor: (Star) My mom got me orange and green socks that don’t even fit me right. All right!

My parents left me with my older sister to go and do some shopping. I was sitting in the living room when the doorbell rang. Chelsea was busy so I got it.

Doctor: Chelsea? Isn’t that a human name?

Ditzy: Wait, so this isn’t a world of goats?

There was a package for me.

Doctor: (Star) And it’s ticking!

I opened it up and saw a sword hilt in the box.

Ditzy: A lightsaber?

Doctor: His parents couldn’t afford a whole sword, so they bought him half of one.

“Wha....?” I said. I picked it up and it suddenly disappered from my hand.

Ditzy: (Sword) Screw this! I don’t want to be owned by this brat!

“Weird.” I said.

Doctor: A rather nonchalant reaction.

There was a letter in the box. “Dear Star..” it said. “If you have picked up the sword then come to the nature trail at 4:00.”

Doctor: (Star) Which nature trail? This town has 3 of them!

At the trail at 4:00,

Ditzy: And he actually went!?

Doctor: What could possible go wrong following a weird message sent from a completely unknown person?

I started to walk. “Hello?” I yelled. I felt a strange sensation on my left hand.

Doctor: Oops, poison ivy.

Rubbing it, I continued on.

Ditzy: No! That just makes it worse!

“Prince.....” I heard a soft voice.

Doctor: (Star) I’m ‘The Artist’ now.

“Who-who's there?” I yelled. Stepping into the clearing that was in the middle of the trail, I saw a dark figure, in the shape of a horse? “The time is coming.”, the figure said. “But, are you ready?” I narrowed my eyes, “What do you....?

Ditzy: Ugh, that is awkward to read.

Doctor: Don’t tell me all the dialog will be written like this.

Suddenly 3 dark figures landed in front of me.

Doctor: See? A trap. Just what I thought.

Ditzy: He really didn’t see this coming?

They looked like the Shadowbolts from the 2nd episode of My Little Pony.

Doctor: (Star) Can I get an autograph!? I’m a big fan!

“Time for you to join us or die, little prince.” they said.

Doctor: (Star) Do you have a good dental plan?

Ditzy: (Star) Can I get 20 bits an hour?

I was angry. “What. Is. HAPPINING?!”

Doctor: (Star) I’M ANGRY!

Ditzy: WHY ARE YOU YELLING!?

On the last word, a sword apperead in my hand.

Ditzy: Spellcheck. Always your best friend.

Doctor: Did the author not edit this story at all?

The blade was a dark blue and the hilt was also dark blue with black around it. One of the Shadowbolts flew toward me. Not thinking, I ran toward it and slashed.

Doctor: (Shadowbolt) Gah! I just wanted to met you up close.

I cut right though it's head, blood flying from it's body as it hit the ground.

Ditzy: Wait a minute. The Shadowbolt didn’t even pull out a weapon or attack him yet! He’s a murderer now!

Doctor: Maybe it was a bad idea to give the boy a weapon before you’re ‘Join or Die’ speech.

I gasped and winced as my left hand felt like it was on fire.

Doctor: The Shadowbolt had acidic blood.

The other shadow ponies flew at me. I ducked under one and stabbed the one behind it between the wings. The last pony circled around to kick me in the head. I took the hoof to the face and fell flat, dropping the sword. The last Shadowbolts landed in front of me. “Time to die little prince.”

Ditzy: (Star) For the last time! I’m the ‘The Artist’ now!

I reached out to the sword and in reappered in my hand.

Ditzy: What is this Kingdom Hearts?

I slashed the sword and cut into the Shadowbolts brain. She fell dead.

Ditzy: Well that was easy.

“Well, well. Quite the little fighter you are.”

Doctor: (Voice) Have you ever thought of joining the UFC?

I looked up at the shadow that I had seen coming here. It walked up closer. “Enjoy that last bit of time you have here because soon, soon you will be mine.” It disappered.

Doctor: (Voice) I have a coupon.

The sword left my hand as I said. “Happy birthday to me..”

Ditzy: (Star) Today is sure off to great start!

Back at the house, I was sitting in the living room

Doctor: You seem rather nonchalant about the fact you killed 3 ponies.

when my hand felt like it was BURNING. “AHHHHH!!” I yelled.

Doctor: To soothe pain and cool burns buy Burn-B Gone.

Looking at my hand, I saw that it was glowing.

Ditzy: And it was radioactive!

My family backed off from me(understandable).

Doctor: (Star) That and I still had blood all over me.

I heard a voice in my head saying, “Look in the box.”

Ditzy: (Star) Darn it Roxas! Shut up!

Reaching in the box that had the hilt, I pulled out a necklace that had a unicorn horn.

Ditzy: ...Not a real one I hope...

I put it on.

Doctor: (Star) It went well with my outfit.

The horn glowed and then stopped glowing.

Doctor: Now you're sterile.

Suddenly my back started to hurt. I screamed as two beautiful dark blue wings came out of my back.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, they were upside down.

Doctor: (Star) I’m a beautiful butterfly!

Then, all of the pain stopped.

Ditzy: Really? I would expect that to sting for a while.

I looked at my left hand and saw something like tattoos.

Doctor: (Star) Who is Bertha?

There was a purple sparkle thing, a cloud with a rainbow lighting bolt, balloons, butterfly's, apples, and gems. “The Mane 6.”

Ditzy: What? Oh, Twilight and her friends.

Doctor: Star was later sued by the Mane 6.

I thought. I looked at my family. “Can we have my cake now?”

Ditzy: ….

Doctor: He is certainly taking this all in stride.

Ditzy: Really? No reaction at all? Even my weirdest days usually don’t get this crazy.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 2

The dark pony paced back and forth as a voice talked to her. “So the prince has awoken. Well done.”

Ditzy: (Voice) Even if you did lose three of our best Shadowbolts.

The pony kept pacing. “I didn't plan that thinking I could beat him.”

Doctor: So you did send three of your men to die for no reason.

“Oh I know that,” the voice said. “I'm just wondering why you haven’t attacked him again. Sent him to Equestria yet.”

Doctor: (Shadow pony) I haven’t found a good travel deal online yet.

“If this is going to work, we need him to have his full power. Learning to harness it on Earth

Ditzy: Instead of Mars.

Doctor: Or Alpha Centauri.

will make way for us to have easier control of him.” the pony said.

Ditzy: Wouldn’t it be safer to turn him over to the dark side first before giving him awesome powers? So if he doesn’t join your side, he doesn’t have the power to kick your behinds.

Doctor: For some reason, villains rarely realize their carefully made plans can fail.

“Well, the young prince is ready now, wouldn't you think?” The voice questioned. The dark pony stopped. “Yes. It is time for me to ready him. Ready him to be the prince.....of darkness.”

Ditzy: He is going to become a heavy metal rock star? That’s so cool!

Chapter 2-Falling into Darkness

It's been a week since I transformed into an alicorn on my birthday,

Ditzy: But you aren’t an alicorn. You’re still human! You just have wings now.

in front of my family. Naturally, I didn't go to school for a week.

Doctor: (Star) And I wanted to avoid being captured and experimented on by the government.

We all worked on adjusting life and I was SO grateful for my family.

Doctor: They are certainly taking this well.

Ditzy: (Star) I was so sure they would freak out and try to burn me alive or something.

They stood by me and did everything they could to help me.

Ditzy: (Star) Mom cut wing holes in all of my outfits.

One, we bought a glove, one of those that cover up the palm and the back of your hand, but left the fingers free. Two, when I learned how to retract my wings, we bought a backpack. It was big enough that I could fit my books AND my wings,

Ditzy: Sounds incredibly uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

without looking suspicious.

Doctor: Except for the fact that you constantly wear a backpack now for no reason.

Ditzy: Does he wear it to during gym class too? What about when he has to shower at school?

I spent a whole day practicing how to summon my sword and de-summon it. Because of it's color, I named it “Stormtide.”

Ditzy: That’s actually a pretty good name.

Doctor: I was expecting something with ‘black’ or ‘dark’ in it.

I learned very quickly that the necklace was supposed to represent my unicorn horn.

Ditzy: Really? ...Why didn’t he just grow a horn like he did with the wings?

Whenever I was really agitated, it would glow and magic would happen.

Ditzy: (Star) I accidently blew up my aunt like a balloon when I got mad at her.

I remember I got mad at my big sis and blew up the TV, then put it back together.

Doctor: (Star) It didn’t work...but it was a cool trick.

I quickly learned how to fly,

Ditzy: Oh course he did. Working hard and struggling to learn a new skill would be boring and time consuming.

and would fly around with my little sister's on my back.

Doctor: (Star) My sister always wanted a pony. I suppose this is close enough.

And the cutie marks on my hand? If I concentrated and yelled out one of the Mane 6's names, my clothes would change colors and I would gain very unique powers.

Doctor: Like Mega Man?

Ditzy: I just realized something, we still have no idea what Star looks like.

Doctor: The author doesn’t really want to give the details of much of anything.

Ditzy: He’s like Shire Folk, but in reverse.

I yelled Rainbow's name yesterday and started shooting all over the house, a rainbow behind me. My shirt had turned cyan and my pants had been rainbow colored.

Doctor: So what happens if you do that when you’re naked?

That was yesterday, but now I had to go to school.

Doctor: Good, not letting bizarre transformations get in the way of your education.

If I had only known it would be the last time.

Doctor: (Star) I won’t have spent an all nighter on that ten page paper on Alexander Hamilton.

School was pretty boring and usual.

Ditzy: (Star) The school bullies only gave me a swirly today.

I was in gym talking to my best friend, Karen. She was the only person who knew about my pony side, besides my family.

Doctor: Ah yes, the wacky best friend sidekick.

Ditzy: Why is everypony not reacting at all to what’s happening!?

“So you pretty much turned into Rainbow Dash? SO COOL!” Did I mention she was a MAJOR pegasister?

Ditzy: A female My Little Pony fan?

Doctor: (Shrugs) I guess.

“Yes,”I said. “I haven't tried Rarity's yet, wonder what happens with her's?

All: Something fabulous.

Karen jumped up and down, clearly happy. “Probably is sweet!”

Ditzy: Doubtful, you will probably just get the ability to make pretty dresses or something.

We headed out in the gym to play dodgeball.

Ditzy: (Star) The couch was training us with wrenches again.

In the middle of the game, we all heard a....voice. “Dodgeball? I would just LOVE to play with you humans!”

Doctor: (Voice) Though it is a little hard to play dodgeball with pincers.

Everyone stopped moving. “Ohhh this is bad.” Karen said. “Eeyup.” I said.

Ditzy: Strange voices rarely lead to anything good.

A swirling darkness settled in the middle of the gym. It stopped and turned into....”Big Mac?!” Karen yelped.

Ditzy: So is this actually Big Mac, or just a shadowy recreation?

The shadow Big Mac looked at us and said, “Eeyup.”

Doctor: (Karen) Can I get an autograph!?

He then turned and started kicking dodgeballs at everyone, HARD.

Ditzy: Not a deadly dodgeball assault!

I took one to the stomach and went flying. Then I saw one flying toward Karen.

“Karen! No!” I yelled,

Doctor: In slow motion.

ripping my backpack off, exposing my wings. I shot thought the air and pushed her out of the way.

Doctor: Ironic doing more damage than if she was hit by the dodgeball.

Everyone in the room gasped, but I was past caring.

Doctor: (Star) I can get pantsed and shoved in a locker later.

“I'm okay, Star!” Karen said. “Go get him!” I nodded and landed in front of the shadow Big Mac.

Ditzy: Boss music time!

Doctor: A Dark Reflection of a FriendPhantom Macintosh

“Well, so you are the little prince.” he said.

Doctor: (Big Mac) I was created with the powers of darkness for this!?

I was shocked, hearing him say more then one word.

Ditzy: Not many ponies know this, but Big Mac is actually quite the philosopher and poet.

But I yelled back. “I'm NOT A PRINCE!”

Doctor: (Star) I’m a princess!

Big Mac kicked a ball toward me, I barely had time to deflect it with magic. As he rushed at me, I stepped out of the way and summoned Stormblade. I cut a gash in his side as he rushed past. He did kick me in the face though sending me into the bleachers. “Owww.” I said, wincing.

Ditzy: Ouch.

Doctor: Maybe getting close was a bad idea.

I landed on the ground and thought about what Karen told me.

Ditzy: (Karen) I’m sorry Star, but I can’t return your feelings. I don’t feel about the same way. I think it would be best if we remained just friends.

Doctor: (Star) The other memory!

“Wonder what Rarity's is? Bet it's sweet!” I stood up and yelled, “Rarity!” In a burst of light, my shirt became white and my sleeves and pants turned purple.

Ditzy: If you are going to give him transformations, you could at least make them cool and interesting.

I shot diamonds(DIAMONDS?!) out of my hand at Big Mac.

Doctor: Diamonds?

Ditzy: Rarity's power is actually useful?

I got him in the butt and he charged at me again. I ducked away and wrapped rubies around his legs like a rope.

Ditzy: That sounds like more of an Applejack power.

I flew up into the air, wrapped him around and slammed him into the ground.

Then I flew down yelling, “RRRAAAA!!!”

Doctor: (Star) Star smash puny shadow pony.

I slammed the sword deep into his heart and flipped off of him.

As he started to disappear he said, “You'll be in Equestria soon.”

Doctor: (Big Mac) You’re class is taking a field trip there next week.

He completely disappeared. I transformed back to normal and ran over to Karen.

Ditzy: (Star) Some day huh? We should really get going. It’s about time for Algebra class.

“Karen, listen to me.” She looked at me, crying. “I have to leave for a while, but I promise I'll be back.” I softly took her head and looked at her. “I promise.”

She stepped back. “I know Starlight.

Doctor: They actually put Starlight as his first name on his birth certificate?

Ditzy: (Reading) Starlight Edwin Sagan Ptolemy?

Now go do what you have to.” I kissed her on the forehead and ran out the door.

Doctor: No running in the halls!

Once outside, I took off into the sky, flying home.

Ditzy: It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Supersue!

I landed in front of my house. I ran up to the front door.....and then the house exploded. I flew backwards and slammed into the street. “NOOOO!!!” I yelled.

Doctor: (Star) My limited edition Elvis collector plates!

Ditzy: (Star) And I just bought that PS4 too!

I heard a voice from behind me. “I told you to enjoy what you had left.” Nightmare Moon

Ditzy: Nightmare Moon?!

Doctor: Did Luna relapse into evil?

said walking up to the house. “Now come and take your place as the prince of darkness!”

Doctor: ...This isn’t the silliest proposal to join evil I have ever seen.

I looked down and said, “They loved me...and you took that from me. They knew what would happen when they adopted me.”

Ditzy: But, um...I don’t think your family is dead. Your parents are probably at work and your sister is at school.

Doctor: Or they could have just stepped out for awhile.

I looked up, pure rage in my eyes. “I will make them proud. And I'll do that by killing you,

Doctor: (Star) My parents always wanted a murderer in the family. Gives them something to talk about at family gatherings.

you insane, murderous BITCH!!”

Ditzy: There’s that word again.

My eyes flashed, and I saw white. I felt a terrible burning on my right hand.

Doctor: (Star) I really need to buy ointment for that.

I raised Stormtide and yelled, “MANE 6!” My body exploded with color, and I shot a vicious blast of pure magic, slamming Nightmare with it.

Ditzy: He can do that?

Doctor: (Star) Taste the power of the rainbow jerkface.

Nightmare took off and flew in the sky, me closely behind. I kept shooting her with raw magic, not even caring. Suddenly I looked down and saw we were over a giant black hole.

Doctor: Hey, an ACME Portable Hole!

“The portal to your destiny!” Nightmare laughed.

Many things rushed though my mind,

Ditzy: (Star) If I go through with this, I will never see the finale of Game of Thrones.

Doctor: (Star) Did I pay Karen the 5 bucks I owed her?

but I said softly. “See you later, Karen.”

Doctor: (Singing) We'll meet again

Don't know where

Don't know when

But I know

We'll meet again

Some sunny day

I launched myself at Nightmare and swung Stormtide upward, slashing her. Then I teleported upward and slashed her downward, into the portal. I flew in after her. Suddenly my wings didn't work! I flapped and flapped trying to go up but it was no use. The portal shut above us and we fell.

Ditzy: (Star) Well shoot, that was a bad idea.

As we fell, we fought hard. I flew by her and cut a deep gash in her side. She pushed me away and shot dark magic at me. I deflected her shots and fired back out of my left hand. Suddenly our blasts connected and we pushed,

Ditzy: What is this? Dragonball Z?

trying to get the better of each other.

Doctor: (Nightmare) Hey! What’s that behind you?

Ditzy: (Star) What? Where? Gah!

Doctor: (Nightmare) Fool.

She said, “You Will Be Mine!”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) You’re soul is mine!

“Not on your life!” I yelled. I pushed harder and slammed my magic into her horn, breaking her magic.

Ditzy: Ouch.

Doctor: That had to sting.

She screamed and disappeared. The portal walls around me turned white and I suddenly was falling in the middle of the sky. “Oh this is NOT good.” I said, as I turned back to normal.

Doctor: (Star) If only I could fly somehow.

I de-summoned Stormtide and found myself heading for a giant tree. “Well,” I said. “Here we go.”

Doctor: (Star) My imminent death. How annoying.

The last thing I remembered was slamming into the roof of the tree house

Ditzy: Not the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse!

and everything went black.

All: The end.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 3

Chapter 3- Walking in Another's Hooves

Ditzy: Are we going to have crazy body swapping hijinks?

“What do you think, is he OK?”

Doctor: (Voice) Is the lack of a heart beat normal?

“This must be one of those humans I've read about!”

Ditzy: (Voice) Perfect! Let’s start dissecting it for science!

“OK y'all need to just step back now. If he wakes up,

Ditzy: (Voice) Are we sure it’s a he?

he don't need to be surrounded by all of us!”

Ditzy: (Voice) And somepony needs a breath mint.

“Ohmygosh, he so TALL!”

Doctor: (Voice) Are you a basketball player?

Voices floated around in my head. I wasn't sure if it was real or a dream. So I decided to do the only thing I really could do.

Ditzy: (Star) I slapped myself.

I opened my eyes.

Doctor: (Star) Multicolored horses? Definity a dream.

I saw the Mane 6 ponies standing around me. I also saw that a white female pony with them that I didn't know

Doctor: Must be Nurse Redheart.

and I was in a hospital.

Doctor: (Star) Just great, and I’m uninsured too!

The white pony walked over and said, “How are you doing, young one?” “I..” I stammered. “I guess I'm okay. What happened to me?”

Doctor: (Star) Wait...why am I naked?

The purple pony walked over. “You fell though the roof of my house.”

Doctor: (Twilight) This might be a bad time, but according to the doctor you broke your back. You may never walk again.

She said smirking.

Doctor: (Twilight) I am going to sue you for every bit you’re worth!

“I'm Twilight Sparkle. My friends are Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.” At the mention of their names, they said “Hi” but not much else.

Ditzy: The author couldn’t afford to give them many speaking lines.

Then suddenly Pinkie saw my hand.

Ditzy: Hey, it’s the Doctor’s marefriend!

Doctor: Ditzy.

Ditzy: (Singing) Pinkie Pie and the Doctor sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Doctor: (Glares at Ditzy)

Ditzy: (Shrinks) Sorry.

“WOW! You have my cutie mark on your hand!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) That is really creepy! Are you one of those crazy stalker fans?

Hey guys! Look at this!!!” As they all looked, Twilight suddenly asked, “Where are you from? Are you from Earth?”

Doctor: Twilight, you’re from Earth too. Just a different one.

As I started to fall asleep, I realized in shock, “I....don't remember..”

All: Dun dun dun!

1 week later.

Doctor: This story doesn’t waste its time. It doesn’t care about trivial things like character development or world building.

Ditzy: At least it will be over quicker.

One thing I will say about Equestria,

Doctor: They make a mean dandylion and daffodil sandwich.

the ponies can adapt well to different things happening, such as a human alicorn falling from the sky.

Ditzy: Ponyville can be a pretty crazy place to live in sometimes.

Doctor: At least it isn’t another alien invasion.

But, I digress. The Mane 6 had been very kind to me, in helping that the residents of Ponyville didn't start freaking out at the sight of me.

Ditzy: (Star) Ponies started calling me an abomination and threw rocks at me.

(They started to, but Twilight stopped that.)

Doctor: (Star) Now they only call me a freak behind my back.

I had lost all of my memories prior to falling into Equestria.

Ditzy: (Star) And thus not wasting any time on things like angst and despair over the supposed death of my family and loss of my old world.

I remembered my name, my sword, how to fly(barely) and use my powers(also barely.)

Ditzy: How convenient he doesn’t lose anything that hinders his fighting ability.

I also remembered the word, “prince.” All of the ponies had been working to help me adapt to living in Equestria. In fact, it was Rainbow's turn today…

Doctor: (Star) If I have to hear about the Wonderbolts one more time.

“Wake up!” Twilight yelled. I rolled over on the rug

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) You sleep on the floor?

Ditzy: Um, I’m pretty sure Twilight has a guest bed in the basement you could sleep in. Small, but it better than sleeping on the floor.

and said, “Go 'way. Tired.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) It’s 8 o’clock in the morning. Stop sleeping in!

She then proceeded to levitate a glass of water over my head and dump it on me.

Doctor: (Star) At least she didn’t teleport me in the lake this time.

“Okay! I'm up!” I yelped. I jumped up and shook myself off.

Twilight laughed, “You can't be late for your date with Rainbow! She'll be waiting for you.”

I blushed, “It isn't a date, Twilight.

Doctor: (Star) We are just going to movie, eating lunch at a fancy restaurant, and having a stroll through the park. Totally not a date!

“We're just going to fly around Cloudsdale. “I bet.” she said. “I've seen how you look at her when she isn’t looking.”

Ditzy: Ick. Isn’t the main character thirteen? Rainbow Dash is in her twenties!

Doctor: I don’t think the author thought this through.

“Twi!”. She laughed and walked downstairs.

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh those crazy kids.

After she, Spike and I had finished eating, we heard a knock on the door.

Ditzy: (Twilight) It better not be Jehoova’s Witnesses again.

“I got it, Twi.” I said, walking to the door. Opening it, a rainbow colored blur rushed in, knocking me to the ground.

“Come OONNN!” Rainbow said, flying in circles. “Geez, are all humans this slow?” “Rainbow!” Twilight said, walking in. “Don't say things like that!”

Doctor: (Twilight) You will create unfortunate stereotypes.

“It's fine, Twi.” I said, jumping up. “Come on Rainbow.” Rainbow knocked me in the head and flew out the door. “Have fun, Starlight.” Twi said, with a mischievous smile.

Doctor: (Twilight) Rainbow is so going to jail for two or three years for statutory rape after this.

I shook my head and walked outside, shutting the door.

Rainbow showed me around Cloudsdale,(It was BEAUTIFUL).

Doctor: Care to elaborate why you consider it beautiful?

Ditzy: No time Doctor! We need to get to the next scene!

We finally reached the racing track. “This is where I've been smoking people since I was a little filly.” she said. I looked around a bit and smiled. “So you say you're the fastest flier in Equestia? Wanna race?” I said. “Sure, if you wanna just lose!” Rainbow said.

Fluttershy was in Cloudsdale,

Doctor: How convenient

Ditzy: Is this such a good idea after what happened last time?.

so she counted for us to start. “3...2....1...go?” she said in a soft voice.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) If, um, that’s ok with you.

Rainbow and I took off. As we flew, I couldn't help but admire Rainbow. Even in the middle of a race, she still looked beautiful......Focus Star!

Ditzy: (Star) Don’t look at her plot. Don’t look at her plot. Don’t look at her plot.

As I almost hit a cloud, I heard Rainbow laughing at me. As I flew after her, I felt something hit my back between my wings.....HARD.

Doctor: It was an anvil.

Suddenly I wasn't able to fly and I fell like a rock. “Oh nooooooooo!!” I yelled.

Doctor: Starlight is Mr. Bill.

“Rainbow! Help!” But as I fell, I saw a shadowy figure heading toward me…

Ditzy: Oh hey Death!

Doctor: I hope you’re good at chess.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 4

Chapter 4-Proving the Right to Be

The frighting thing wasn't the fact that I was falling to the ground with no way to stop. The frighting thing was that the shadowy figure was actually Nightmare Moon!

Doctor: No, the ground is scarier. It’s the thing that will actually kill you in few moments.

She caught up to me and grabbed my shoulders, continuing to shove me toward the ground.

“Aww, what's wrong, little prince?” she said in a teasing voice.

Doctor: Oh, Nightmare Moon you scamp.

“I'm NOT a prince!” I yelled.

Ditzy: Are you ever going to ask why she keeps calling you that?

My horn necklace flashed and in a burst of light, Nightmare was sent flying.

Rainbow caught up to me and yelled, “Was that Nightmare Moon?!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Luna, how could you!?

“Yes!” I yelled. “Any ideas?!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I just thought of the perfect prank to pull on Applejack.

Doctor: (Star) Useful ideas!

“Uhhh, Yeah!” Rainbow positioned herself behind me as we fell and started to rub my back between my wings. “Does this help?”

Ditzy: (Star) This is no time for a back rub! Just catch me already!

I flapped my wings and said, “Yeah!”

Doctor: But it was too late and he crashed into the ground and died. The End.

I looked up and saw that Nightmare Moon was coming back. “Rainbow, fly and get Twilight and the others! Tell them to get the ummm, Elements of Harmony!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Uh, about that..they’re in a safe in Canterlot Castle right now.

Rainbow nodded and flew off.

I levitated my self with my wings and landed on the ground.

Ditzy: From a perilous free fall without slowing down?

Nightmare landed infront of me. I involuntarily summoned Stormtide and narrowed my eyes.

“Finally,” Nightmare said, “Now we can talk.”

Ditzy: (Nightmare Moon) We can gossop and do each other’s manes.

“Because the middle of Ponyville is totally the place to sit and have a chat!” I seethed.

Doctor: (Star) You could at least provide some tea and biscuits!

“You have no idea do you?” the evil alicorn said. “Let me spell it out for you. You are supposed to be the prince of Equestria. But that isn't going to happen.”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) It will create a huge controversy and cause a lot of fighting and drama on internet forums.

She gave me an evil smile. “You are meant to be mine!”

Doctor: (Nightmare) I have the receipt and they have a no refund policy.

I didn't move. “Yeah...that is not going to happen. You want me? Come and get me!”

Ditzy: (Star) Bring it, Darth Twinklehooves!

Nightmare rose in the air and flew toward me. I ducked under her and slashed upward, nicking her stomach. She yelled and shot a dark blast of magic at me, hitting me in the chest. I flew backwards and slammed into the Cake's house. “Sorry!” I yelled.

Doctor: It is a good thing their insurance covers evil alicorn attacks.

Nightmare smiled and shot at me again. I deflected the bolt with my sword, slamming it back into her.

I could tell she wasn’t happy when she yelled and created a flaming black sword out of nothing.

Ditzy: That’s actually really cool.

It started slashing at me. I parried and fought back, blocking the sword.

Doctor: It was a bad idea considering it was made of fire.

“Just join me Starlight!” She said. “Give in to your inner darkness and we can rule Equestria together!”

Doctor: I’m trying to think of a time where that actually worked.

Ditzy: It’s bound to work eventually?

“If I'm supposed to rule it anyway,” I said, still fighting the sword. “I don't need your help!”

Doctor: (Star) Equestria will be mine and mine alone! Bwahahahahaha!

I gave a vicious slash and broke the magic sword. I yelled, “Applejack!” and in a burst of light, my shirt turned light orange, like the color of her mane. My pants turned a darker orange, like her fur.

Ditzy: I wonder what kind of cool power he will get. Like super strength or the ability to do cool rope tricks?

Nightmare smiled and said, “Your friends can't help you now!” She launched another magic blast at me in the shape of a beach ball.

Doctor: (Star) I tried to serve it back...big mistake.

I grew a giant pumpkin right in front of me.

Ditzy: ...Really?

Doctor: Pumpkin. A fruit well known to be associated with Applejack.

The blast hit the pumpkin and blew it up. As the pumpkin cloud cleared, I lunged at her with a big carrot in my hand.

Ditzy: It is a good thing Carrot Top isn’t here. She would throw a fit!

I swung it at her and slammed Nightmare in the head with it.

Doctor: You just hit Nightmare Moon in the head with a giant carrot. There is no way I can take this seriously.

She rolled on the ground as I hit the ground. I turned and took another bolt of dark magic to the chest.

“Do you really want to continue this petty fight?” Nightmare asked with a smug look on her face.

Ditzy: (Star) Darn it. Who would have guess hitting her with fruits and vegetables won’t do much?

I picked myself up and resummoned Stormtide. “Nah, let me end this now!” I dashed at her and cut a major gash in her side.

Doctor: The author certainly seems fond of that type of injury.

I then leapt in the air and flutter kicked her in the side. She hit the ground and glared at me. Bleeding from her side, she hissed. “Don't think this is over,Starlight!”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I still have 3 boss forms left.

She stood up and a bright light flashed from her horn. Suddenly, my clothes turned back to normal and I fell to my knees, dropping my sword. “Wha..?” I said.

Ditzy: HAX!

Doctor: Now that just isn’t fair.

She walked up to me. “I told you, you were mine. She then knelt down to touch her horn to mine......

Doctor: (Star) You could at least take me out for dinner first!

Suddenly a bright rainbow came out of nowhere and slammed into Nightmare. She was sent flying into the air. I turned around and saw Twilight and the others wearing the Elements of Harmony.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?

Doctor: (Rainbow Dash) Big damn heroes, sir!

“Starlight!” we all heard a voice. I looked up and saw Nightmare.

Ditzy: Wait. She was hit by the Elements of Harmony! She should be defeated by now!

Doctor: It was a warning shot?

“Enjoy the time you have left! I will be back for you!” In a flash of darkness, she disappeared.

Doctor: (Sighs) Is this going to become a running thing?

Tired, I looked down, then when I looked back up I saw two strange alicorns standing in front of me. One was dark blue, but lighter then Nightmare Moon,

Ditzy: Wait, I thought Luna was Nightmare Moon!

Doctor: Clone probably.

the other one was white with a flowing rainbow mane and tail. “So.” I said. “Sky looks nice today.”

Doctor: (Star) ...Nice weather we are having.

I then calmly fell asleep out of exhaustion.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 5

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 5

Chapter 5- Picking up the Past

Doctor: The dark past of Starlight finally revealed.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was in Twilight's bed for some reason.

Ditzy: (Star) Ick, a bed. Where is my far more comfortable rug?

I sat up and held my head in my hands, groaning. “That-that was pretty rough.” I said.

Ditzy: (Star) Ugh, I’m never drinking again! I mean it this time!

I shivered, remembering the strange spell that had dropped me to my knees and had stopped my from using any more of the cutie marks.

Doctor: How much do you want to bet that she’ll conveniently forget that she has this ability?

If Rainbow and the others hadn't come with the Elements of Harmony, I would probably be in Nightmare's clutches.

Doctor: And soon spouting out cliche villain dialog too.

“Right, I should probably go thank them.” I quickly got up and walked downstairs.

Ditzy: You aren’t even going to take a shower first? You have to be pretty smelly.

I made my way to the living room, slowly, my wings were still sore.

Ditzy: (Star) Walking is soooo lame.

When I got there I saw all of my friends sitting by those two alicorns that I saw before I fell asleep.

Doctor: (Star) Oh shoot! I knew I should have showered first!

Rainbow was the first one to see me. “Starlight!” she cried, flying over and hugging me. She then looked back. “Oops. Sorry, your majesty’s!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) You should have the first dibs on the hugs.

I spaced for a minute then realized that I was looking at Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!

Doctor: They aren’t very easy to identify at a glance.

As Rainbow flew back to her seat, I knelt down in front of the two princesses. I felt a hoof on my shoulder as Princess Celestia said. “It's okay, young human. You may rise.”

I sat between Pinkie and Rainbow and Pinkie hugged me.

Doctor: As she tends to do.

“Wow, that was so cool when you were fighting Nightmare! And then she was all like 'RAWR' and you just stood that and she was all like...”

Doctor: (Pinkie) ‘Join me and we can rule together!’ And you were like ‘Nuh uh’. And then she used cheat codes to turn off your powers. And she was like ‘BWAHAHA! I win!’. And then we showed up and made her taste the rainbow! Then she was like ‘I’ll get you next time Star! Next time!’.

“Pinkie!” Twilight said, obviously nervous in front of royalty.

Doctor: (Twilight) Pinkie! You’re embarrassing me!

“You need to relax! Starlight's probably really tired.”

“Nah,” I said. “I'll be all right.”

Ditzy: (Star) All I need is a cappuccino and a bagel and I’m good to go!

I looked at the Princesses. “So um, what's this about?”

The two alicorns exchanged a look, then Celestia said. “I will explain everything that my sister and I know of you. I nodded and kept silent.

Doctor: (Celestia) You are the last son of the planet Marysuetia.

“Now,” she said. “You have seen Nightmare Moon? My student Twilight told me that she and her friends helped you against her.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) And you looked like a total chump.

“Yeah,” I said. “She's the reason that I got here. She tried to kill me at school, killed my family and then she tricked me into following her into a portal. I fought her off in the portal, but that's when I crashed into Twilight's house.”

Doctor: Um, I thought you had amnesia.

The princess nodded, like none of this was a surprise.

Ditzy: Nightmare Moon was known for snatching teenage boys from other dimensions.

“And may I see your hands?” she asked. I showed her my right hand which was normal, and my left hand which had the cutie marks of the 6 ponies that weren't princesses in the room.

Doctor: (Star) I don’t care what anyone says. It’s cool and manly!

“Whenever you focus on a mark and say that pony's name, you gain special magic, don't you?”

Doctor: And you gain a power that is vaguely related that pony.

“Yes!” I gasped. “But how...?”

She held up a hoof and silenced me. “One more thing, Starlight. Let me see your sword.”

Ditzy: (Star) Why Princess, you barely know me.

Doctor: (Celestia) You know what I mean.

I summoned Stormtide and held it flat across my hands. She lifted it up with magic and showed her sister.

Ditzy: (Luna) What a piece of junk.

Doctor: (Celestia) Truly, what poor craftsmanship.

As I resummoned it, Luna whispered to her sister, “Do you think he is...?”

Doctor: (Celestia dramatically) The one!

Celestia shook her head and said, “One more.” She then looked back at me and said, “How are you feeling, Stary?”

Doctor: (Star) My parents are dead, I lost everything I know and love, I lost most of my memories, I’m stuck in a crazy world full of ponies, and an insane alicorn is viciously pursuing me. What do you think?

I frowned and said without a thought, “Don't call me that Celly! I hate it when you and Lu-lu call me that!” Suddenly I realized what I had said and looked down. “Sorry, I don't know what came over me.”

The princesses smiled, ran over and gave me a BIG hug. “Brother! We finally found you!” All the ponies(and Spike, he was there) gasped. “What?!”

All: …

Ditzy: Really?

Doctor: I guess with all this ‘Prince’ talk, we really shouldn’t be surprise.

I said, shocked. “I-I can't be your brother! I'm a human!”

Doctor: Human-ish.

The princesses let me go and Luna lightly tapped my wing and my horn. “Do you think a normal human would have the traits of a alicorn? You were never a human, Starlight.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) You are an abomination that is neither pony nor human.

Doctor: (Celestia) You’re an Alicorn Star.

“But....how?” I was at a loss for words as Celestia motioned for everyone to sit down.

All: Yay! Storytime!

“Starlight,” she said. “When you were born, we all knew you would be special.

Ditzy: (Celestia) You were born with a power level of 10,000.

You would always accidentally shoot thing with your magic and fly around, unable to stop.”

Ditzy: Sounds like a typical foal to me. I remember my brother Zippy being a real hassle.

She chuckled at the thought. “When you were old enough, you would always be in Ponyville, playing with the others little ponies.”

Doctor: Well, they let him watch from the sidelines at least.

I thought for a second. “Wait, the marks on my hand. That means I.....”

Doctor: (Star) Went through a rebellious phase and got several tattoos and piercings?

“Yes, you knew these ponies when they were fillies.” She said.

Ditzy: But only two of them are actually from Ponyville!

Doctor: I feel some major retconing coming.

Applejack raised a hoof. “Beg ya pardon, but how come no one remembered any of this?”

Doctor: (Celestia) That is because… (dramatic pause) you all have amnesia! Dun dun dun!

Celestia sighed, “It's because of what Nightmare did to us. On Starlight's 5th birthday, Nightmare possessed Luna.

Ditzy: WHAT! Luna became Nightmare Moon 1000 years ago!

She knew that Starlight had the Cutie Stamp.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Maybe it was a bad idea to post so many pictures of Star on Facebook.

“Cutie Stamp.” Twilight said. “I've never read about that.”

Doctor: Because the author made it up.

“There's a reason for that, my young student.” Celestia said.

Doctor: (Celestia) I destroyed every book and text that wrote about it and killed everypony that knew about it.

“It is a very old and rare magic ability.

Doctor: Because clearly Star isn’t special enough yet.

If a pony that has this bonds, or becomes very close friends with another pony that has a cutie mare, it is copied over and the pony will have it in addition to what their main cutie mark is. In Starlight's case, he bonded with the 6 of you.”

Doctor: Is he going to get his own Element of Harmony too?

We were all quiet for a minute, thinking about that.

Doctor: Understandable, that is a lot to take in.

Ditzy: This timeline is giving me a headache.

Doctor: So what is Nightmare Moon exactly if she isn’t the corrupted form of Luna?

Celestia continued, “She came to Canterlot and tried to kidnap Starlight.

Doctor: For evil purposes ect ect.

I used an ancient teleport spell on him that would take him out of Equestria.

Doctor: But why the human world and not just another world of ponies?

I also placed a charm on him that would ensure that he would return to us. The charm disguised him, turning him into a human and hiding his wings and horn.

Doctor: Yet not give him a name that makes him blend in.

But as I tried to send him, Nightmare fired a curse at him.

Ditzy: It turns him into a werepony on the full moon.

The charm on him protected him, but it locked his body as a human.

Ditzy: So he is stuck this way? He’s some weird pony-human thing?

I sent him to Earth and fought off Nightmare. I also cast a temporary memory erasing spell over anypony that was there. And so, here we are.”

Doctor: Was all this really necessary? You couldn’t of just hidden him until you defeated Nightmare Moon?

Ditzy: And why didn’t you go back for him?

I digested all of the information I was given,

Ditzy: I don’t believe this. Star fits every Mary Sue cliche in the book!

Doctor: Maybe the author wanted to see how high he could get on the The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test?

then I walked over to her. Kissing her

All: What?!

on the forehead

All: Oh.

I said, “Thank you.”

Doctor: (Star) This makes the fact that I’m attracted to Luna really awkward.

Ditzy: This so over the top and cliche. I am starting to wonder if this is actually satire.

All the ponies in the room gave me a big hug.

Ditzy: And Spike.

When we untangled ourselves, Celestia said, “Starlight, you need to have your coronation soon. I think in about 5 days we can be ready.

Doctor: Shouldn’t you let him settle in first?

Ditzy: He’s only 13 years old! Is it such a good idea to expose him to such fame and fortune at such a young age?

“Yeah,” I said. “That should work fine.”

Doctor: I can already see him growing into a very troubled young adult.

Ditzy: I expect to see high speed chases from the police and the arrests for possession of nightshade in the near future.

“Twilight.” my sister said. “Tell all the ponies you can about Starlight's crowning.”

Doctor: (Celestia) And where he is staying and the best way to get through the security to get to him.

“Yes, your highness.” Twilight said.

Celestia and Luna stood up. “We will see you in 5 days.” They left Twilight's house

Ditzy: That’s it? I was expecting a more tearful reunion.

Doctor: You are asking far too much of this fic Ditzy.

Pinkie was jumping around the room. “YAY!!!!! This is gonna be so much FUN! I gotta go tell EVERYPONY!” With that, she dashed out of the house.

Doctor: No mention of a ‘Star reunites with long lost sisters who are really the princesses and it turns out he’s really a prince all this time’ party?

Shaking my head, I went upstairs to pick some clothes.

Ditzy: Why can’t you just go nude? Nopony will mind.

Doctor: He was raised by humans, so he is more self conscious about that sort of thing.

Ditzy: Humans are so weird.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 6

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 6

Chapter 6-Welcome Home

Doctor: Now get out!

“How do I look, Twi?”, I asked the purple unicorn.

Doctor: Lavender, not purple.

“Is it too tight, or do I look stupid?

Ditzy: (Star) Does it make my plot look fat?

Maybe we need another....”

“Starlight! Relax!” Twilight said. “Rarity made this for you, of course you look alright!”

Doctor: (Twilight) On the other hoof, she did say she can’t work miracles.

“Sorry Twi.” I said, relaxing. “It's not everyday that you're being crowned to be a prince.”

Ditzy: Something I’m sure Twilight will never experience.

Twilight stopped pacing around me and looked me in the eye. “You look great, Star.

Doctor: You look great in your completely unexplained outfit.

Now were you going to fly to the castle?”

Suddenly the door burst open,

Doctor: (Twilight) It’s a raid!

Ditzy: (Star) Hide the drugs!

“Nope! He's going with me!” Rainbow walked in the room. “You ready, Prince?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ready, to lose.

I tapped her on the wing. “Don't call me that. It's bad enough that everypony's gonna be calling me that soon enough.”

Doctor: Poor kid has no idea what he is getting in to.

Rainbow laughed and walked out, hitting me in the face with her wing, “Hurry up! I'm ready to go!”

Twilight laughed. “You two are so cute together.” She laughed again when I narrowed my eyes.

Doctor: (Star) Rainbow Dash and I are in a very platonic relationship thank you very much.

“OK, we'll see you two at the castle.” I hugged her and went outside. I extended my wings and flew off after Rainbow.

As the two of us flew though the sky on our way to Canterlot,

Ditzy: Why can’t you just take the train? It’s less exhausting.

Rainbow noticed that I wasn't looking at her. “Hey, what's wrong Prince?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) You aren’t staring at my rear as much as usual. Are you alright?

I swiped by her, “I said don't say that.”

Rainbow laughed, “Awww are we a little nervous?” She flew by me and pushed me into a cloud. She then took off, saying, “Bet you can't catch me!”

Ditzy: There goes… whatever he’s wearing.

“Oh yeah?,” I said, shaking off cloud. I then yelled “Rainbow!” and my clothes transformed.

Doctor: That is just cheating.

My shirt was cyan, like Rainbow's body and my pants were rainbow colored.

Doctor: Shirt, pants, that is all we ever know of what he’s wearing.

In a burst of color, I took off after Rainbow. But as I flew, I looked up....and barely dodged a bolt of dark magic. “Aw come on! Today?!”

Ditzy: The forces of evil are so rude and inconsiderate.

Nightmare Moon was flying after me, constantly shooting magic. I twisted and turned so she was missing horribly. One blast missed and blew up a cloud up by Rainbow. She turned around and saw what was happening. “No! Keep going!” I yelled to her.

Doctor: (Star) Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

...as I got hit in the chest. Stunned, I started to fall out of the air.

Up above me, Rainbow rushed in and kicked Nightmare in the face.

Ditzy: Sweet.

They started fighting as I grabbed a cloud and swung myself back up. I rainbow dashed next to Nightmare, summoned Stormtide and proceeded to slam it into Nightmare's side. She roared and proceeded to buck me into another cloud.

Ditzy: For a guy that has all these superpowers, he sure gets his butt kicked all the time.

I heard Rainbow and Nightmare fighting as I fell though the cloud. Then I had an idea. I flew back up and yelled, “Pinkie!” My clothes switched from cyan to pink, but my pants were a darker pink.

Doctor: (Star) Audience, stop laughing!

I flew around them and landed behind another cloud. I yelled to Rainbow, “Rainbow! Drop!”.

Immediately, she folded in her wings and fell. I kicked the cloud so it covered Nightmare's body. “What is this?”, she hissed, trying to get out.

All: ...It’s a cloud.

“Happy reeeeeeeeeeeallly late birthday!” I yelled.

All: (Groans)

Doctor: You should leave the one liners to the professionals.

I then created a firework that wrapped around my arm. I lit the fuse and the firework shot at Nightmare's cloud.

Ditzy: (Star) Taking me with it, killing us both. The End.

I folded in my wings and dropped also. Catching up to Rainbow, I switched back to her cutie mark. She said, “That's flattering, but I still look better.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) You pretty in pink by the way.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed her and using all my power, created a sonic rainboom.

Doctor: ...Fine, I’ll allow it. You do have Rainbow Dash’s powers.

Ditzy: Star is such a ridiculous Mary Sue, it hardly matters at this point.

The force of it shot us both flying in the direction of the castle. I looked behind us and saw the most beautiful fireworks. “You really should have saved that for AFTER you're crowned prince.” Rainbow said.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Best coordination ever!

“Don't make me drop you.” I said. Rainbow just laughed as we sped on.

As we came closer to the castle I realized something. “Hey Rainbow? I don't really know how to stop.”

Ditzy: (Raindow) Just crash into something. It’ll be fine. I do it all the time!

“Well we could always go though a window.” Rainbow said.

Doctor: Sure, and get cut by hundreds of pieces of glass.

I focused on the window that was closest to the throne room and twisted us around so that I was the one that smashed though the window.

Doctor: Hey! That was a priceless piece of art that’s hundreds of years old!

Everypony in the room looked up as we hit the ground.

Ditzy: (Star) We landed in a funny and awkward pose.

I looked up at my sisters. “Sorry about that. We decided to take the senic route.”

Doctor: Funny.

Besides that, the ceremony went off without a hitch. I don't want to bore you with all the details,

Ditzy: Good. These ceremonies take forever!

but I should tell you about the last part of it....

Doctor: Fluttershy got drunk and caused a commotion.

Celestia had explained why I looked like a human and walked over to me. “Starlight.” She choked on emotion for a second, but was quick to compose herself. “I have waited a long time to ask you this.

Ditzy: One thousand years….I think.

Do you accept the duties and responsibility of being the prince of Equestria? And do you always promise to protect Equestria and all of the ponies with your life?”

Doctor: (Star) What!? No! You never said anything about giving my life!

I looked around the room. All of the ponies from Ponyville, Cloudsdale and even Canterlot were here.

Ditzy: Like...all of them? It must make things really crowded.

Doctor: Would it kill the author to elaborate even a little bit on the details of his story?

There were even ponies from other places in Equestria. And as I looked back at my sisters I realized that....this was my life now.

Doctor: (Star) Goodbye anything possibly resembling a normal life.

And I wouldn't change it for anything.

Doctor: (Star) Except for the dead family thing of course.

“Yes, Celestia.” I said. “Yes, I do.”

Suddenly my right hand started to glow. “Ahhh!” I yelped because it started to BURN. I saw that Celestia's and Luna's horns were glowing.

Ditzy: (Gasps) How could you?

I held my hand out and the two princesses zapped it with their horns. Then the pain stopped and my hand stopped glowing.

Doctor: (Star) Gah! You could have warned me first!

Everypony in the room gasped as I looked at my hand.

Doctor: It was missing.

There was the most beautiful cutie mark I had ever seen.

Doctor: (Star) Twilight Sparkle’s face?

Ditzy: (Star) A striper pole?

In the middle of the back of my hand, there was a star and beams of light were coming off of it. Slightly above the star was a sun and slightly under it was a moon. The beams of light from all three wrapped down my arm and stopped where my elbow was.

I said in amazement, “I just Cutie Stamped you two.”

Ditzy: That hand is going to get really crowded when he starts making more friends.

As I looked up Luna was standing by a pedestal and was motioning me to come over there, so I did.

Ditzy: (Luna) Thee shall stand over all other OC characters!

I looked down and saw that it was a place that looked like a sword was supposed to fit, like those old stories about Arthur back on Earth. Luna said, “Place your sword in here, Starlight. Your sword is your scepter.”

I summoned Stormtide and slammed it into the hole.

Ditzy: Breaking it. Oops.

Then the sword started to glow. A amazing flash of light covered it and when it stopped, I pulled the sword out. The blade of the sword was colored light blue with a darker blue covering it. The hilt was golden and when I looked carefully I saw the cutie marks of the Mane 6 around it.

Ditzy: Shouldn’t it have his own cutie mark instead?

Doctor: Once again showing that Starlight is nothing without Twilight and her friends.

“That is the true Blade of Equestria, Starlight.” Luna told me. “Use it with care and pride.” I nodded to her.

Ditzy: We are so screwed.

Doctor: A tyrant in the making.

Celestia walked over and gently set a crown on my head.

Doctor: It was a Wacky Hut cardboard crown.

She then turned back to the room of ponies. “Ponies of Equestria! All hail Starlight, Prince of Equestria and welder of the Blade of Equestria!” At that moment, every pony in the room bowed down to me. It made me realize that I really was home, and they were welcoming me.

Doctor: No doubt many of them are planning ways to use and manipulate you to get what they want.

I was finally home, for good.

Ditzy: My friends, family, and life at my other home? Pfft. Whatever.

The End

Doctor: Do you also get the feeling this was written by an actual 13 year old?

Ditzy: That makes so much sense! ...Now I feel bad for making fun of it. I wasn’t exactly the best writer back then either.

Doctor: I would like to think most 13 year olds would know better.

Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 7

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 11 - Part 7

Epilogue

Doctor: There’s more?

Ditzy: Can you have an epilogue after giving ‘The End’?

“So the prince has awoken.” A dark voice said. “I'm pleased with your efforts, Nightmare.”

Doctor: (Voice) Despite your inability to actually accomplish something.

Nightmare stood with her head down, quiet. “But what do you plan to do now? The prince knows about his power .”

Ditzy: Maybe you should have taken my advice and turned him to the dark side before giving him his powers.

Doctor: You can turn off his powers whenever you want, remember?

Nightmare didn't raise her head. “He has still forgotten about his time on the human world.

Doctor: Has he? I can’t be quite sure.

I can possibly use that against him.....”

“No!” The dark voice boomed.

Doctor: (Voice) Brooding over your parents’ deaths can been done to death.

Ditzy: (Voice) It will motivate him into becoming...batpony! Er...Bat...person. Or whatever he is.

Nightmare fliched as the dark voice continued. “You will not be returning to Equestria. I know some others that will “distract” the prince from trying to recover his past.”

Ditzy: (Voice) We’ll get him hooked on Minecraft.

Doctor: That fiend!

Nightmare said, “That what shall I do?”

Doctor: (Voice) Do my laundry.

Ditzy: (Voice) Organize my Hocuspocus: The Get-Together cards.

“You shall watch and wait. You will think of a way to make the prince yours.

Ditzy: I really don’t like the way that is phrased. It sounds sleazy.

Only then can our plan succeed.

Doctor: (Voice) We...don’t really have any other ideas.

When we have control of the Cutie Stamp, then our plans will finally be completed.”

Doctor: First Equestria, then the world. ect. ect.

Ditzy: What is so great about the Cutie Stamp? It’s a useful power sure, but it isn’t thatpowerful.

Nightmare raised her head. “You may go Nightmare.” The voice said, “I will call for you when I need you to return.” Nightmare turned and walked away.

As she reached the doorway, she turned her head and said, “Thank you......Father.”

All: (Gasps)

Doctor: What a twist!

Ditzy: Now we can go!

Doctor: Let’s get out of here.

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Star Shot was watching the monitor with a bored expression on her face. The Doctor and Ditzy weren’t doing much. They were just reading silently, and only occasionally saying something to each other . Star Shot was really hoping they would try something. She stirred slightly when she heard the door of the control room open. “Hey. Have fun?” She turned around to face Dinky and recoiled in shock when she got a good look at her. Dinky’s mane was frazzled and the edges of it were singed, half of her tail was burned off, and she was, for some reason, covered head to hoof in maple syrup. Leaves, garbage, and other little things stuck to her all over. She looked furious.

“Don’t ask.” She said harshly.

Star Shot recovered after a few moments. “Sure. Looks like you had yourself an eventful day.”

“Never again!” Dinky proclaimed. That was the last time she was ever going crusading with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She wasn’t even sure that she even wanted to speak to them again. Those three fillies are a menace. Even if she got her Cutie Mark, it won’t be have been worth it. Because of them, Aunty Punch won’t let her into her juice bar ever again.

Star Shot smirked. “Doesn’t look like you’re going to have a slumber party with the Cutie Mark whatevers anytime soon.”

“Please tell me things went alright on your end.” The way Dinky’s day was going; she was sure her parents escaped or something.

“They’ve been behaving themselves like perfect little angels.” Star Shop confirmed. “The experiment went off without hitch.”

Dinky sighed in relief. “Good.”

“You really need to be more careful. Those little brats were almost on to you.” Star Shot gestured with a hoof. “You know what’s at stake. One little mistake and ‘Poof’, you’re gone just like your big sister.”

Dinky’s eyes widened at this and she immediately went into a downtrodden expression. Her ears drooped and tears started gathering at the corners of her eyes and threatened to fall. “Amethyst…” She said quietly.

Star Stop backpedaled at this. “Um, of course, not like that’s going to happen or anything!” She said trying to recover the situation. “Everything will be fine. The Cutie Mark whatevers didn’t catch on and the plan is running smoothly. So why worry?”

Dinky just nodded. She wiped the tears from her eyes and composed herself the best she could. She need to be strong for her parents’ and sister’s sake.

“See. No worries. Go get yourself cleaned up. I’ll put a pizza in the oven.”

Dinky nodded and walked out the door. Dinky grumbled to herself as she made her way to her room. Getting all this junk off of her will take forever. What’s worse is now her beautiful tail is ruined. Her mane was salvageable, but her tail will have to be cut short. This was a look Dinky absolutely despised. She will have to find some way to get back at the Crusaders for this.

“Happy reeeeeeeeeeeallly late birthday!” I yelled.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 1

Sorry for being so late. Life, work, and writer’s block(These shorter chapter are harder to riff than they look) got in the way a bit, but now it is finally finally done! Today we will be reading Book 2 of the Starlight Saga. A sequel that improves quite a bit on the original. Twow’s talent really starts to show in the story despite its amaturness, and it actually has some good ideas I think. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Next time we will be reading the third book and the fourth book, which sadly never finished the story. I know the fourth book only has one chapter, but I have some funnies ideas for it.

The next two stories I plan on doing are An "Unreal" Day by Brian Jacko, a Unreal Tournament crossover and Dax's Despair by Dark Angel AW. Dax’s Despair was requested to me by Dark Angel AW himself. Thank you for doing that. I think I will enjoy riffing your story.

Special thanks to twow443 for letting me do his story. You are awesome

Alternate Riffs:

Game Over Mystery Science Theater

Part 1

Part 2

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 12 - Part 1

“Ah ha!” The Doctor proclaimed in triumph. He slid the component into an empty hole in the panel and screwed it in; putting the final touch on the device he had been working on for months. It spanned three rooms, and had thousands of components. It was a mismatch of wires, circuits, gears, and other odds and ends. From the outside it looked like a confusing mess and might give someone a headache if they looked at it long enough. The Doctor smiled. If everything goes according to plan, they should be out of this place tonight. He has had more than enough of this place.

The plan is simple. This device will create the illusion of their escaping by making it seem as if they have been teleported out, then it will create hologram copies of the Doctor and Ditzy to distract Dinky and Mr. X while they quietly open a secret, almost invisible door the Doctor found in the garden and enter the inner workings of the facility. The machine will mask their presence from the cameras and sensors. Then they will confront Dinky and Mr. X, defeat them, and get the Tardis and escape. Quite simple really. The machine is so complex, there is no way the facility’s computer will understand its true purpose and inner workings. If it tries to disable it, it will only disable one of the many dummy systems the Doctor created to fool it. The true workings of the device are so hidden and inconspicuous; the Doctor doubts it will ever find them.

The Doctor left his lab to cleaning himself up. He didn’t want to confront those villains looking like a complete mess. His mane and fur were unkempt and he smelled of sweat and grease. He was in no condition to face their captures. The Doctor left his lab to take a long deserved shower.

“Hey Doctor!” Ditzy greeted the Doctor as he entered the main meeting room. His hair was still a little wet.

The Doctor trotted up to her and whispered, “About ready to get out of here?” Ditzy smiled and gave a slight nod of her head. She then acted like he said nothing at all.

“I’ve spent too much time in my lab, how about a walk through the garden after the experiment?” He then whispered, “After the experiment.”

“That sounds fun.” Ditzy nodded and smiled. “You really need it. All that time in your lab isn’t healthy.”

The Doctor gave a small chuckle. “Probably not.”

“Hello my little test subjects.” Dinky interrupted them.

“Oh, you’re back.” Doctor noted. “I was a bit surprised when you didn’t show up last time.”

“Yeah, you’re always here exactly on time.”

“So where were you?” The Doctor asked.

“Did you get sick?” Ditzy wondered out loud..

“I was out town on business.” Dinky answered simply.

“I see, so who was that Mr. X guy from last time?” The Doctor pressed. He was determined to get as much information as he could.

“She’s a partner. You didn’t think I did this all alone, did you?” Dinky replied.

“I’m the one that does all the odds and ends.” Mr. X piped in. “Running this facility is so much work you won’t believe.”

“So you’ve decided to join us.” Quipped the Doctor.

“Hey, might as well.” It sounded like she gave a shrug.

“Hello X!” Ditzy said happily. “Say, what type of muffin do you like?”

“Can’t say I’ve ever given it much thought.”

“Come on, there has to be some type muffin you like.”

“Chocolate chip I guess.” Mr. X gave the impression that she didn’t care much about muffins.

“Okay! I’ll make some for you later!” Ditzy replied happily. She didn’t seem to notice Mr. X’s indifference.

“Ahem. Anyway, today’s experiment will be ‘The Legend of Starlight-Book 2: Love at Second Sight’ by twow443.”

“He actually made a sequel to that thing?” The Doctor asked incredulously. “Really?”

“I guess he felt the world needed more adventures about Starlight.” Ditzy wondered out loud.

“Apparently.”

“Enjoy.” The experiment alarm went off as soon as Dinky finished her trademark evil laugh. The Doctor and Ditzy nodded to each other and entered the theater.

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Chapter 1-All Good Things....

Doctor: Don’t start with an overused cliche.

I woke up on Twilight's rug with a big yawn.

Ditzy: You’re a prince! Why are you sleeping onrug!

Doctor: Why are you sleeping on a rug period?

I looked around the room with a feeling of calm.

Ditzy: The Feng Shui of the room removed all negative energy.

I got up and started to get ready for the day. After taking a quick shower, changing my clothes, cleaning my sword

Doctor: (Star) It might be a bad idea to leave evidence of my serial murders.

and putting my crown on,

Ditzy: You wear your crown everyday?

I yelled to Twilight, “Hey, I'll see you a little later!”

The purple unicorn walked into the room, levitating a book. “You going to hang out with Rainbow all day again?”

Doctor: What about school? You’re only thirteen.

she asked with a smirk.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I better not catch you doing it in the library.

I tapped her on the head. “No, I'm helping Applebloom and her friends today. I've been putting it off for too long.”

Doctor: (Star) Getting covered in tree sap isn’t exactly my idea of fun.

Suddenly there was a slam at the front door. Scootaloo walked in, slightly dizzy.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash is a bad role model. Case in point.

“Come on, Prince!” she yelled. “This is the day we get our cutie marks!!”

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) We are totally going to get our cutie marks in brain surgery.

I followed her out the door, waving goodbye to Twilight. Once outside, I stretched my wings and followed Scootaloo on her scooter.

Ditzy: He was never seen again.

Oh I'm sorry. I never introduced myself. I'm Starlight, Prince of Equestria.

All: Hi Starlight.

My sisters are Princess Luna and Princess Celestia.

Ditzy: Yes, really.

Doctor: The story still hasn’t explained anything about their parents.

I'm a alicorn like they are, but half of my body is human.

Doctor: (Star) I’m a centaur.

I still have the horn and wings of an alicorn,

Doctor: Not exactly. You wear your horn around you neck for some reason.

but the rest of my body is human.

Ditzy: Are you ever going to describe what you actually look like?

In fact, Celestia and I were talking about that when Luna left Canterlot.

Ditzy: (Celestia) You need to stop eating meat. Everypony is starting to think of you as some crazy cannibal.

“Starlight,” Celestia had said. “You do know that we alicorns are virtually immortal, correct?”

Ditzy: Unless you cut off their head of course.

Doctor: (Star) I’m already whining and angsting over the fact that I am going to outlive all my friends.

“I was doing some research, and I realized that we need to step up our search to turn your body back to normal.” she told me.

“Why is that?” I asked.

Doctor: (Celestia) Look at you, you’re an abomination. You look like a bad OC character on Deviantart.

“Because your body is cursed, it nullified the protective charm your body had when you were born.” Celestia had said. “You won't die as easily as others, but you still can.”

Ditzy: (Star) What?! Screw being human! I want to be a full alicorn.

So that was a priority and I knew that Celly would work on that.

Doctor: Don’t! You will regret losing those hands of yours!

Ditzy: You and your hands.

But you might be wondering why I'm living in Ponyville instead of in Canterlot.

Doctor: Tax evasion.

About 2 and a half weeks after I was crowned prince, Celestia had walked up to me when I was in the castle's training yard, practicing with Stormtide and my cutie marks.

Ditzy: It was uploaded to the internet by a guard and became a big hit for its unintentional hilarity.

“Stary? I was wondering if you had a problem living in Ponyville for a while.”

Doctor: (Star) That backwater inbred hick town? Never!

“No,” I said, taking a drink of water

Ditzy: It was that overpriced mineral water stuff.

“I've been there pretty much all the time. What's up?”

“I need to stay in Canterlot, to keep order and Luna has things she needs to do.

Ditzy: She still isn’t level 30 in League of Champions.

Plus, I thought it would be good for you to be with other ponies then just royalty all the time.

Doctor: (Celestia) Cadance is starting to become a real bad influence on you. I found shipping charts in your bedroom again.

My student Twilight agreed to house you.” And that's how I'm living in Ponyville now.

Doctor: Freeloading at Twilight’s house.

Few more things I should address. My sword was called the Blade of Equestria and was my proof of being a prince.

Doctor: Strangely, Luna and Celestia don’t have special swords that prove their princesshood.

Ditzy: I think they just told him that to make him feel special.

Not to mention the fact it was a sweet weapon.

Ditzy: It was made of candy.

Doctor: Delicious and deadly.

The sword's magic was so strong, it had bonded to my soul,

Ditzy: Hmmm. So its possible that Nightmare Moon could easily turn you to the dark side by infusing your sword with dark magic.

making it so I could summon and desummon the sword at will.

Ditzy: (Coughs) Keyblade ripoff.

I had decided to nickname my sword, “Stormtide.”

Doctor: (Star) At night I pet it and talk to it.

Last thing is about my cutie marks. Yes I said marks. On my right hand was a star with beams coming of it.

Ditzy: Why it is on his hand instead of his flank, I have no clue.

Above it was a sun and below it was a moon. The beams of light wrapped around my arm up to my elbow. On my left had was the cutie mark of 6 of my special friends. It was a very rare ability called the “Cutie Stamp.” The basics about it was that whenever I bonded with a pony, their cutie mark would appear on my hand and give me special powers.

Doctor: Like Applejack Form’s deadly ability to use produce against his enemies.

PHEW, that was a lot of words.

Ditzy: (Star) Writing over 100 words is hard!

Where was I? Oh yeah.

Doctor: Wait a minute, since you’re in the mood for explanations, you could explain what you look like.

I was standing with the CMC(Cutie Marks Crusaders) at the top of a hill. The 3 fillies, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, had hang gliders on their backs.

Doctor: This can’t end well.

“You sure about this guys?” I yelled.

Ditzy: (Star) Are the rocket boosts really necessary?

“Sure we are, Prince!” Sweetie Belle said. “This'll totally get us our cutie marks!”

“Okay, but I'll stopping this if it gets dangerous!”

Ditzy: (Star) Even though by that time you will probably just be a bloody smear.

I stepped back from them and extended my wings to their full length.

Doctor: (Star) Ugh. Wing cramp.

Then I gave a mighty flap and the air whooshed them off the hill.

Doctor: Blowing the Crusaders off.

I leapt off after them.

Ditzy: (Star) Wait a second, this hill is only 5 feet tall.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) We duh. You thought we would do it off some high cliff or something? We aren’t crazy.

“Alright!” Scootaloo yelled as they glided. “This is great!”

I soared with them, quietly thinking.

Ditzy: (Star) What is the best way to make this look like an ‘accident’.

Suddenly I felt weight on my back. I rolled over and saw Rainbow Dash standing on my stomach. “Oh thanks for the ride, Prince! My wings were getting sore.”

“I told you to call me by my name Rainbow.” I said, pushing her off. She flew up beside me.

The three fillies landed safely and Rainbow and I landed by them. The 3 of them checked their flanks then sighed. “Darn!” Applebloom said. “No cutie marks!”

Doctor: That went surprisingly well…

Sweetie Belle walked over to me and gave me Bambi eyes. “Could we please do it again?”

I shook my head, “Sorry, but I'm going to fly a bit with Rainbow okay?” The three fillies nodded then ran off, shouting ideas to each other.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) What if we tried getting our Cutie Marks in evil?

Ditzy: (Sweetie Belle) Let’s try getting our Cutie Marks in arson!

Rainbow nudged me in the side. “Full of energy aren't they?” I nodded.

Doctor: And that scares me honestly.

Ditzy: Maybe if they put that energy into something more productive.

“Let's fly!” We both took off into the air.

As we flew, Rainbow said, “So how is it going, living in Ponyville?”

Ditzy: (Star) They stopped trying to chase me out of town, a big win I think.

“Little tiring.” I said. “Everypony wants to...be around me.”

Doctor: (Star) Now all they want are favors or attention. Why did I agree to this prince thing again?

“Well you are the prince.” she said. “Of course they all want to be around you.”

Ditzy: Not foryouof course.

“Yeah....” As we flew I could tell that Rainbow was....looking me over.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Dang clothes! They hide all the good stuff!

Whenever I looked at her, she would move her eyes away. We had done this a lot lately, fly together. And I'll admit that I well....I had feelings for her,

Ditzy: I would like to remind everypony at home at Star is only thirteen and Rainbow Dash is in her twenties. This relationship all sorts of wrong.

not that I could ever tell her that.

All: Oh course.

We finally rested on our cloud we had created it by her bunching clouds together and I colored it in.

Doctor: (Star) I made it a pretty pink color!

As we sat, I decided to tell her. “Rainbow,” she looked at me. “I need to tell you something. I....”

Ditzy: (Star) Sneak out at night and watch you sleep.

Suddenly something slammed into me and knocked me off the cloud.

Ditzy: Not Nightmare Moon again!

Doctor: Evil never sleeps it seems.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 2

Chapter 2-Feathers and Friends

I slipped off of the cloud but I grabbed it and whipped myself up. “Wha...?” I said.

In front of me was Rainbow and a.....griffon?

Ditzy: Oh, nevermind.

Doctor: Hey this story avoided doing the cliche thing for once.

Rainbow was staring angrily at it and I summoned Stormtide. I stepped next to Rainbow and asked, “Who exactly are you?”

Doctor: (Gilda) The driving point of all the conflict in this story.

The griffon looked at me like she was going to attack, but she apparently realized what I was.

Ditzy: (Griffon) I can’t win against a Mary Sue character! I give up!

“Oh I'm sorry Prince Starlight.” she said. “I'm Gilda.”

Ditzy: Her again?

Doctor: Someone really needs to explain to me who she is.

Ditzy: I’ll explain later.

Doctor: ...Ok.

That name sounded weirdly familiar.

Doctor: Back in the human world, Star was a fan of Rita Hayworth movies.

Rainbow said, “I'm sorry Prince, but could we have some time alone? I need to talk to her.”

I could tell that they had past history,

Doctor: The angry glaring probably gave it away.

so I didn't argue the point. “Sure Rainbow, I'll go around and visit some of our friends.”

Ditzy: (Star) There are some pranks I would love to pull on Twilight with Pinkie.

Rainbow nodded, still glaring at Gilda. I saw Gilda slightly bow to me as I jumped off the cloud.

…

Rainbow Dash glanced over as she saw Starlight jump off the cloud. Gilda said, “So that's the new prince? I really wished I could have been there to see him being crowned”

Ditzy: (Gilda) I heard half of Canterlot was trashed in celebration party.

“Why are you back here, Gilda?” Rainbow said. “You said we were all “lame” remember?”

“Yes I did.” Gilda said. “I realized though that I was rather mean to your friends and I wanted a chance to make it up to you guys.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) I have a sponge cake.

Rainbow looked at her former friend. “It isn't up to me. You'll have to talk to my friends. Also, you'll need to ask the prince if it's okay that you stay in Ponyville.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The prince is a tyrant that rules and controls Ponyville with an iron hoof.

“You're close to him, aren’t you?” Gilda asked.

Ditzy: (Gilda) I mean geez, you two seemed moments away from jumping each other and doing it right there!

“Could you ask him for me?”

Doctor: (Gilda) If, um, that’s okay with you I mean.

“Well,” Rainbow said. “Maybe if you beat me in a race!” She leapt off the cloud and took off. Gilda looked in the direction and smiling to herself, followed Rainbow.

…

As I fell to Ponyville I kept a look out for Rarity's boutique. I had made it a point to myself that I would try to get closer to all of my friends.

Doctor: (Star) We have 1000 years to catch up on.

And I had another reason to visit Rarity.

Doctor: (Star) I secretly like it when Rarity puts me in pretty dresses when I model for her.

“There it is!” I said to myself as my eyes swept across it. I twisted my body upward and slammed into the ground, feet first. I wasn't hurt, but I left indents in front of the house.

Ditzy: I hope you are going to pay for that.

“Well,” I said, fixing the dents.

Doctor: (Star) That illusion spell should hide the damage for awhile.

“Good to know that I can survive falling to the ground from like 2000 feet.”

Ditzy: (Star) I should try twice as high next time.

I knocked on the door.

Sweetie Belle answered the door. “Oh, hi Prince Starlight!” Bowing her head she asked, “Were you here to see Rarity?”

Ditzy: (Sweetie) You sure seem to come here a lot… are you trying to become Rarity’s coltfriend?!

I tapped her on the head. “Yeah, she here?”

“Yup!” the filly said. “Follow me!” I walked in, shutting the door behind me.

We walked into Rarity's design room, Sweetie Belle ran up behind her and exclaimed, “Sis, guess who's here?!”

Rarity sighed. “Sweetie Belle, I told you to not bother me when I'm...”, she turned around and saw us standing there. “Oh, Prince Starlight! I'm so sorry!”

Doctor: (Rarity) I’ll have the money in 2 days for sure. Just give me a little more time!

Now the thing is about Rarity, she was in her element around royalty. It was a little tiring because ever since I was crowned prince, she INSISTED on being completely formal with me, even though I told all of my friends to treat me normally.

Ditzy: Sounds like her.

I walked over to her and gave her a hug. “It's fine Rarity, I did need something though.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) A wedding dress for Rainbow Dash! Who would have guessed she would be the first of us to get married!

She stepped back and said, “What do you need me to do?”

“Well, it's more of a favor.” I snapped my fingers and the shirt I was wearing when I landed on Equestria appeared in my hands.

Doctor: Starlight is Q.

“I was wondering if you could fix this. Nightmare tore a nasty hole in it when I was fighting her, and since it's the only thing I have from Earth, I'd kinda...”

Ditzy: (Rarity) This is hobo suit, darling.You can't be seen in this. I won't allow it.

“Say no more, Prince.” Rarity said, magically whipping the shirt from my hand. “I'll fix it good as new. No, better then new! I'll be amazing!”

Ditzy: (Rarity) It needs frills!

Doctor: (Rarity) It would be fantastic in pink!

I smiled, “Thanks. I need to go talk to Pinkie. See ya.” Rarity bowed to me as Sweetie Belle walked me out. “See you later, Starlight!” Sweetie Belle yelled and shut the door.

Doctor: (Sweetie) You should join us for our crusading tomorrow. We are going to try to be Cutie Mark Crusader Hydra Slayers!

I walked though Ponyville, talking to some of the ponies along the way.

Doctor: While avoiding Lyra and her insistent, never ending questions about humans.

Suddenly I felt danger above me.

Ditzy: (Star) My Sue Sense is tingling!

I dashed out of the was as a big crate landed where I was. Stormtide appeared in my hand as I looked up...and saw my friend Derpy Hooves.

Ditzy: Um...oops.

“Sorry, Starlight!” she yelled as she flew over to me. “I was just so happy to see you, I forgot I was holding the box!”

Doctor: (Derpy) Maybe it was a bad idea trying to wave at you while holding something.

I desummoned Stormtide and hugged Derpy.

Ditzy: Hugs!

“It's fine. I was hoping to see you.” I magically repaired the crate and whatever was inside.

Doctor: (Sighs) How can you fix something you have never seen?

“Where you heading? I'll help.”

“This mail crate goes to ummmmm.” Derpy checked the box. “Sugercube Corner!”

“Okay.” I said. Derpy and I walked over, talking. When we reached it I tapped Derpy and said.”We're gonna hang out soon, okay?”

Ditzy: (Star) We can play Pony Kart 8 later!

Derpy gave me a big hug and said, “Yup!! Bai, Starlight!”

Ditzy: (Derpy) I’ll bake you a batch of blueberry muffins as payment for helping me.

Walking inside, I went over to the counter. Pinkie popped her head up, slightly shocking me.

Doctor: She popped out of a small jar that as sitting on the counter.

“Hai, Prince!!!!” Immediately she ran in the back and came out with a tray of cookies. “Try some!!!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) They’re my new double chocolate jalapeño chocolate chip cookies!

I took one and asked Pinkie. “Hey, I'm planning a surprise for Rainbow tomorrow night. Any way you could save a table for us?”

Ditzy: The most romantic restaurant in Ponyville, Sugercube Corner.

“Oh yes!” Pinkie said. “Is it gonna be like a date, because I love dates! Oh you should totally go on a date with Rainbow! But I don't think she'd ask. Oh well maybe you two could be mare....”

Ditzy: Be mares for a date?

I put my hand over Pinkie's mouth, “Yes, it's like a date. Rainbow asked me if we could go out tomorrow. So do you think that you could maybe help me out here?”

Ditzy: (Star) I need your help to score.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Score? Score at what? Oh! Are you playing pin the tail on the pony?

Ditzy: (Star) ...Nevermind.

Pinkie nodded. “Don't you worry Starlight! I'll make sure it's special for you and Rainbow.”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Now where am I going to get penguins at such short notice.

I hugged her and said, “Thanks, I need to go talk to Fluttershy.”

Pinkie waved as I left the shop. Once outside I yelled Rainbow's name and tapped into the power of her cutie mark. My clothes were cyan once again and my pants were rainbow colored. One of the perks of Rainbow's mark was the ability to fly extremely fast.

Doctor: Or you could, I don’t know, just walk. Ponyville isn’t that large.

I jumped in the air and took off toward Fluttershy's house.

Doctor: Scaring Fluttershy’s animals which caused a stampede.

…

Rainbow and Gilda landed on Cloudsdale. “Still can't beat me!” Rainbow said, prancing around Gilda.

Doctor: (Gilda)(Deadpan) Gee, I’m so happy for you.

Gilda just panted. “Come on Dash...Please?”

Ditzy: (Gilda) Just one more time! I’ll get you this time!

Rainbow stopped jumping around, “Well, we're going out to hang tomorrow. Guess I'll try to bring it up.”

Gilda raised an eyebrow. “Going out on a date with the prince now, Dash?”

Rainbow blushed, “It isn't a date.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) A candlelight dinner Sugarcube Corner totally doesn’t count a date.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Uh, it totally does.

Doctor: (Rainbow) You’re just imagining things!

“Then why are you blushing?” Gilda teased Rainbow.

Rainbow turned, “Race you to my house!” she disappeared in a flash of colors., Gilda following her.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Typical.

…

I was at Fluttershy's talking to a bear. I know, but just go along with it.

Doctor: (Star) Even in a world of talking ponies that’s crazy!

The bear, named Smokey,

Doctor: Ha!

didn't want to eat any honey. “Come on Smokey, eat up!” The bear slowly started to eat some.

Ditzy: (Smokey) I’m on a diet, you know this! Stop tempting me!

Fluttershy slowly walked up. “Thank you Prince, but it's getting late. Don't you want to go now?”

Doctor: Thank you for... whatever you did.

I hugged the shy pony. “Thanks, guess I lost track of time. I'll talk to you later k?”

I flew back to Twilight's just as dawn fell. Walking in I was assaulted by Twi's

Ditzy: Hooves.

Doctor: It’s a game they play. Twilight attacks Star out of nowhere and he does his best to defend himself.

questions. “Did you have fun today?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Did you pop Rainbow’s….

Doctor: (Star) I don't think that is any of your buisness Twilight!

“Yes, Twi. Sorry but I'm rather tired, and I need my sleep for tomorrow. I'm hanging out with Rainbow tomorrow evening.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Star, it’s 5 o’clock in the afternoon.

“Like a date?” Twilight asked.

Ditzy: So… nopony is taking issue with the age difference?

Doctor: I guess not.

“If you want to think that.” Tired, I laid down and the spell on Twi's rug changed me into a pony form. Much more comfortable to sleep in.

Doctor: Makes sense considering you are refusing to sleep in a bed.

Twilight put a blanket on me and walked upstairs. “Sleep well, Prince.” I nodded and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 3

Chapter 3-Changing Two Destinies

I was pacing around downstairs as Twilight tried to calm me down.

Doctor: She ended up having to use rope and horse tranquilizers.

“Starlight, please relax. You look great! Rainbow will be happy.”

Ditzy: Strangely she insisted on Star wearing a Wonderbolt flight suit for their date.

“I guess.” I said. “I just want everything to go right.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Just remember to stroke her ego and everything will be fine.

We heard a knock on the door. “It will Star, trust me.”

Doctor: Well this date is destined to be ruined.

She went to answer the door.

Walking to the door I saw Rainbow and Twilight talking. “You sure you aren't fully human, Prince?” Rainbow asked with a smirk, seeing me. “Because you are SLOW.” I smacked her with my wing and said,

Doctor: (Star) That was really racist Rainbow!

“Ready to go, I take it?” She laughed and flew out the door. I gave Twilight a quick hug and flew after her.

Doctor: Do you hug everyone Star?

Rainbow followed me over to Sugercube Corner. We landed and walked in. I

walked up to Pinkie and said, “Hey Pinkie.”

Pinkie winked at me,

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Go get her loverboy.

“Take that table in the corner. The one with the little pretty candles on it.

Doctor: (Star) Was the sign saying ‘Congratulations Star and Rainbow Dash’ really necessary?

Oh, this is so cool!!” I hugged Pinkie, then Rainbow and I walked over to the table and sat.

Doctor: Star accidently knocked over a candle with one of his wings and started a fire.

Pinkie had thought of everything. When Rainbow and I were eating, I saw Pinkie turn the sign on the door to “Closed”.

Ditzy: That way there will be no witnesses.

Also, I think she did all the cooking for us.

Ditzy: (Star) For some reason this meal is making me really sleepy.

“So Rainbow?” I asked. “What are your dreams in life?”

All: Besides the Wonderbolts.

“I've always wanted to join the Wonderbolts!” Rainbow said,

All: Oh course.

a gleam in her eye.

Doctor: There was a hint of madness to it.

“It would be so cool to go flying with them.” She looked at me. “What about you, Star?”

Doctor: (Star) I want to be a ballerina!

Ditzy: (Star) I want to be a proctologist!

“Not really sure.” I said. “I would like to find out more about my past. What happened before Celestia had to send me to Earth.”

Ditzy: You were like four or five at the time. Of course you don’t remember.

“Didn't you hang out with us before that happened?” Rainbow asked. “The princess said that's how you stamped us.”

Doctor: So what does someone have to do before they are allowed to be stamped?

I nodded. “I still think there's something I'm missing about whatever happened.

Doctor: How Twilight and her friends are still alive if you stamped them before Nightmare Moon was banished 1000 years ago?

Ditzy: Why you stamped the six mares that became the Elements of Harmony?

Maybe it would help Celly figure out how to break my curse.”

Doctor: Probably has something to do with a kiss from one's true love. Usual curse escape clause stuff.

Rainbow giggled at Celestia's nickname. “So are we done for tonight? It is pretty late.”

Ditzy: (Star) You aren’t going to stiff me with the check are you?

Doctor: (Rainbow) Umm….

“I had one more thing planned, if you aren't too tired.”

Ditzy: (Star) There is cosmic bowling tonight.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) No crude joke this time?

Ditzy: That was way too easy. Give me some credit.

Rainbow scoffed. “Not tired at all.” She got up, walked over and hugged Pinkie and left the store. Pinkie walked up to me. “I'll clean up here. Go have fun.”

Ditzy: Way too easy.

“Thank you.” I left the store, and flew off, Rainbow following me. As we flew, I switched to Pinkie's mark.

Doctor: (Star) No snickering!

I had planted fireworks in the sky hours before hand. As we passed them, I sparked each one. We flew past them and landed on our cloud. “Look up.” I told Rainbow.

The fireworks were beautiful. I had picked the right ones I needed for the night.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) No Wonderbolts fireworks? Lame.

“Starlight....it's beautiful.” Rainbow whispered. She looked at me. “Thank you for doing this.”

Doctor: (Stallion) Hey! I’m trying to sleep here!

I looked Rainbow in the eyes.

Ditzy: Big mistake. It started a soul gaze.

“Rainbow, I've been living in Equestria for over a month now. And well....I don't really know how to say it...”

Ditzy: (Star) Will you be my waifu?

I was so nervous, the stars on my right hand started lighting up. Rainbow gave a slight smile and sat in front of me. Then in one fluid movement, she hooked her hoof behind my head, pulled me closer to her and kissed me.

All:(Singing) Can you feel the love tonight?

The peace the evening brings

The world, for once, in perfect harmony

With all its living things

My mind immediately went blank, then I realized that Rainbow must have the same feelings I had for her. I pulled her closer to me and we continued kissing for like 3 minutes....straight.

Ditzy: Among other things. Wink Wink.

When we pulled away from each other, I said,

Doctor: (Star) You really do taste like fruit loops.

“Well, I didn't know that. Rainbow smiled and said, “I don't know if you believe me, but I love you, Starlight.”

All: We don’t believe you.

I said to her, “I love you too, Rainbow Dash.”

“I take it you want to be my coltfriend now?” Rainbow asked with a smirk.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Can you handle being the coltfriend of a mare as awesome as me?

“I'm not a very sensitive mare.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Your parents are dead and you lost everything you knew and loved? Suck it up you wimp!

I laughed and stroked her mane. “It doesn't matter Rainbow.

Doctor: (Star) It doesn’t matter that you will ignore me whenever I’m having an emotional issue and need someone to talk to.

I wanted to tell you, but I was too nervous.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Wow, you are so lame.

Ditzy: (Star) Wha…

Doctor:(Rainbow) I told you I’m not a sensitive mare. Remember?

Rainbow walked over and sat next to me. “Thank you, Starlight.”

We kissed again and didn't let up.

Doctor: They kissed for 8 hour straight.

Ditzy: They are going to need a lot of chapstick.

Without going into too much data, let me just tell you. It was one of the best night either of us had had in a long time.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Was it good for you too?

…

Gilda quietly flew above where Starlight and Rainbow was. She saw when the two had confessed their love for each other, and what happened after.

Doctor: (Gilda) That will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life!

Ditzy: (Gilda) I didn’t even think that position was possible!

“Hmmm, so little Dashie really did like the prince.”

Doctor: I think the fact that they are practically devouring half of each others faces gives it away.

She thought for a bit. “Enjoy the time you have with him, because soon, I'll be the object of his dreams.” She lifted off and flew in the direction of Rainbow's house.

Ditzy: (Gilda) I will blackmail her with the fact that she’s a huge Humie.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 4

Chapter 4-Shattering the Peace

Ditzy: I hope you plan on paying for that!

Rainbow flew as fast as she could over to Sugercube Corner.

Doctor: It was Free Cupcake Tuesdays.

Bursting in the front door she trotted over to Pinkie, who had just given some ponies a big cake. “Pinkie, you got a sec?” the panting Pegasus said.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Sure! I have a lot of secs to give!

“Sure!” Pinkie bounded over to the back room and Rainbow followed her. “Soooooooooooo, how was the date?!?!

Doctor: (Pinkie) Our little Dashie is growing up.

Rainbow blushed and told her friend, “I'll tell you but you can't tell anypony OK?”

Ditzy: Right, jailtime for statutory rape.

“Okie-dokie!” Pinkie said, getting ingredients ready for another cake. “Pinkie Pie Swear on it!”

Rainbow sat down on a stool, “After Starlight and I left the hospital, he...he told me he loved me!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) This is perfect! Now I can start planning my ‘Dashie and Star are getting married’ party!

Pinkie dropped the eggs she was carrying. “Wow! You know I always thought he liked you, Dash!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) He sure loved to stare at your flank.

Rainbow nodded, “We kissed and fell asleep on the cloud.” She sighed. “I woke up wrapped in his arms.”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Wow! On the first date too?! I hope you used protection.

Pinkie cleaned up her mess and got some more eggs. “Where is the prince now?”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Since you are his marefriend now, it is vital that you know where he is at all times. At all times!

“I remembered that he had told me earlier that he was going to Canterlot today to talk to the princess.” Rainbow said. “I woke up about dawn and took him back to Twilight's.

Doctor: Naturally getting a lecture from Twilight about responsibility.

She was awake, you know how she is.

Ditzy: Willingly waking up before dawn! What a weirdo.

Then I cleared the clouds and I'm here now.”

Doctor: Not sure why you went to confide with Pinkie first.

Ditzy: It was either her or Fluttershy.

Doctor: Ah.

Pinkie squealed and hugged her friend. “Yippie! I'm so happy for you Rainbow! We should totally have a party!”

“No!” Rainbow jumped. “We can't tell anypony yet!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Think of the scandal.

Ditzy: The nobles are going to have a field day with this.

Pinkie settled down. “Ok Dash! But when we do, PARTY TIME!!!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Ponies are going to tell their grandfoals about this party!

Rainbow smiled as Pinkie started hopping around the room, starting to make the cake. “Guess I could help you if you want.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Naw, sounds too much like work.

“Sure!” Pinkie said. They both started to work on the cake.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Ugh, this cake is taking for-ever to cook. I know, I’ll turn up the oven 200 degrees. Now it will be done in no time!

…

I woke up lying on the magic rug in Twilight's house.

Ditzy: (Star) Thank goodness. Who wants to sleep in a bed?

Last thing I remembered was lying on the cloud with Rainbow…

Doctor: (Star) And no, we did not have sex! Why does everypony think that?

Twilight walked over. “Oh, good morning Prince!” she said. “Rainbow brought you back to my house at about dawn. Said she didn't want to wake you because you were going to Canterlot today.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) You would be going, except you’re grounded for four month for breaking curfew young stallion. I expected you to be home at 8. And don’t get me started on staying at Rainbow’s house overnight. You are way too young for that kind of a relationship!

Doctor: (Star) (Whiny) But Twilight.

“Oh yeah!” I said. “Celly-I mean Celestia wanted to talk to me today.” I stood up and the spell wore off, turning me back in a human form.

Doctor: (Star) Why am I Chinese now?

“Thanks Twi. I'm already late. Gotta go!”

All: I'm Late, I'm Late

for a very important date,

No time to say hello, goodbye,

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late

Twi waved as I ran out the front door. Switching to Rainbow's form I shot into the air, on my way to Canterlot.

Doctor: Trains are for wimps!

As I flew I had a bit of time to think, “Wonder what I did on Earth before I came here.”

Ditzy: (Star) Maybe I was a race car driver!

I had lost all of my memories prior to smashing though Twilight's roof when I came to Equestria.

Ditzy: That sounds serious, you should really see a doctor.

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Oh course, amnesia is just that easy and simple.

I could remember scattered memories,

Doctor: (Star) Man I was a loser back then.

but they were very few and not much to go on.

Ditzy: (Star) Most of them were me being stuck in a locker for some reason.

I saw Canterlot in the distance and dashed toward it.

Ditzy: You could say he Rainbow Dashed towards it.

I decided not to go directly to the castle,

Doctor: The guards are jumpy and almost filled him with crossbow bolts last time.

instead landingon the streets and walking around.

Doctor: Canterlot is a beautiful city.

Ponies would walk up and talk to me and it made me realize how much I needed to spend some time in Canterlot just as much as I was in Ponyville.

Ditzy: (Star) For about five minutes, then I realized most of them are stuck up jerks and only wanted favors from me.

As I was walking, I felt a strong magical energy coming at me.

Ditzy: Kamehameha!

Turning, I saw Twilight's sister-in-law, Princess Cadence.

All: Cadance!

Doctor: Why is Candance attacking Star?

Bowing to her, I said, “Hello, Princess.”

Ditzy: Wait, so she… didn’t shoot an energy beam at him?

Doctor: ‘Strong magical presence’ would have made more sense.

Cadence

Doctor: Stupid spell check.

put a hoof on my shoulder. “You don't need to bow to me. And please call me Cadence.”

Doctor: (Cadance) I decided to change my name after the endless misspellings of my name.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “You're Celesta’s niece, aren't you?”

Doctor: (Star) Wait, so this means you’re Luna’s daughter?

She nodded, “Nice to meet you, Uncle?”

I smiled, “I'm younger then you are.

Ditzy: Aren’t you over a 1000 years old...or something.

Doctor: Are they ever going to explain that?

Just call me Star.” I gave her a quick hug.

Ditzy: Cadance gave him awkward hug back.

Doctor: (Cadance) Get this wierdo away from me.

“Walk with me?”

Ditzy: (Cadance) That’sallrightIhavethingstodoBye.

She nodded and we started off down the paths. “So you're married to Twilight's brother?” I asked.

Doctor: (Star) How’s that going for you?

Ditzy: (Cadance) Not so good. Shining has been distant to me lately and I think he might be cheating on me. I found socks under our bed, and they aren’t mine.

“Yes,” she said. “That was the best day of our lifes and almost was the worst.”

“How could a wedding be the worst?” I asked.

Ditzy: Besides an invasion? I remember hearing about this one couple that had to marry in front of a Wacky Hut because their church burned down.

“I had been imprisoned by the changeling queen, Queen Chrysalis. She tried to use Shining Armor's love for me to take over Canterlot.”

Doctor: I am going to casually talk about the most traumatic moment in my life.

“Hmmm,” I said. “Apparently it didn't work.”

Doctor: (Cadance) Oh, but it did you fool.

“Yes, but I do wonder where she is now.” Cadence said.

Ditzy: Probably killing a village of innocent kittens or something.

We saw Shining Armor walk up to us. He was a very well-built stallion.

Ditzy: Down boy, he’s married.

“Hello, Prince Starlight.” He said, bowing to me. “Very sorry to interrupt but Cadence and I needed to check up on something.”

Ditzy: He’s the captain of the royal guard. She’s the princess of love. They fight crime.

“Oh go do what you have to.” I said,

Doctor: (Cadance) Those sugarcube smugglers won’t know what hit them.

hugging Candence and shaking Shining's hoof. “I'll see you guys later, kay?”

“Oh yes, Star!” Candence said. “We need to talk later!” Waving, I took off toward the castle.

…

Gilda landed on the roof of a house, watching the prince fly into the castle. “Apparently he doesn’t know that Celestia is going to busy all day.

Doctor: And Celestia was apparently too lazy to tell him about it.

Perfect for me.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) Now I can get ‘The Blood of a Prince’ achievement.

The tired griffin rested. “Time to make my move. Sorry, Dash, but I think he'll help me more then you.”

Doctor: (Gilda) I have a couch that needs moving.

She sat, watching the castle.

…

The guards escorted me into the main throne room where I saw Celestia, Cadence and even Luna.

Doctor: (Star) Wait, how did Cadance get here before me?

Ditzy: It’s a changeling in disguise!

They were talking to some royal looking unicorns.

Ditzy: Blueblood and Colgate?

“Hey sisters!” I yelled, running over to them. The other unicorns took a step back as I hugged my siblings.

Doctor: (Unicorn) M-Monster!

“Prince Lightning and Princess Firespark, this is our brother, Prince Starlight.” Celestia explained.

Ditzy: Just ignore the fact he isn’t a pony at all.

“Ahh, so you're the new prince of Equestria.” Lightning said. “We are from a different part of Equestria, but we report to your sister.”

“Uh-huh,” I said thinking. So we rule over the whole planet?

Doctor: Hardly.

Ditzy: I doubt the other races would like that.

That's food for thought.

Doctor: (Star) An empire perfect for the taking!

I saw that the other ponies in the room had moved away from us.

Ditzy: (Pony) That thing is the new prince of Equestria!?

I walked over to my throne,

Ditzy: You have a throne? Already?

seeing that Celestia and Luna were sitting on theirs.

Doctor: (Star) Mine was only a folding chair, but I made do.

Suddenly I sensed a blast of magic coming at my back.

Doctor: (Star) Et Tu, Celestia?

I whipped around and summoned Stormtide, deflecting the magic. “What the heck?” I said, glaring at Lightning.

Ditzy: (Star) I did not appreciate that mister.

“Awful sorry about that, Prince, but I asked your sisters if I could have a little battle with you.

Doctor: (Star) You could have warned me first!

You don't have to worry about hurting me.”

Ditzy: You suck that bad.

“You sure about this?” I asked.

He nodded. Celestia cast a spell over him, ensuring that I couldn't kill him.

Doctor: Oh, that’s fair.

“What? I can't have that spell?” I yelled at her.

“You don't need it.” Luna said. I frowned, realizing her point.

Ditzy But you get your flanked kicked all the time.

I didn't have anymore time to think as Lightning ran up and bucked me in the chest, sending me flying into the wall.

Ditzy: Yep, he totally doesn’t need it.

I jumped up and ran off as he shot the wall where I just was.

Ditzy: Maybe they should do this outside.

I turned and saw him charging a pretty strong shot. Thinking quickly I yelled Fluttershy's name and my clothes changed into the colors of her mane and fur. I suddenly transformed into a elephant and took the bolt of magic in the side.

Ditzy: He can transform? That’s so cool! Maybe he will turn into a dragon next. Oh! Or maybe a hydra!

Doctor: He will forget he has this power, as usual.

Switching back to my human form, I switched to Rarity's form.

Doctor: His go to attacker.

Ditzy: I still think it should be Applejack.

I slammed a diamond the way of Lightning's next bolt, ricocheting it back to him. He dodged it, but I took the opportunity to run up and cut a deep gash in his side. Looking at me, his horn blazed with light sending me flying. I twisted around in the air and shot Lightning in the head with a magic blast. I created a rainbow ball and slammed him in the head with it, coating his face a bunch of different colors.

I ducked another lightning bolt. “I need to end this, now!” I focused on the sun on my right hand, and had an idea.

Ditzy: (Star) I’ll burn everything to the ground!

I focused and yelled, “Celestia!” Suddenly my hand started glowing really bright. Pointing it at the prince, I shot a sunbeam at his eyes. He flinched and I dashed up and whacked his horn as hard as I could with the hilt of my sword.

Ditzy: (Whinces)

Doctor: That had to hurt.

His magic disrupted and a magical explosion blasted us both in different directions.

Doctor: (Star) I don’t need it huh.

Ditzy: (Luna) (Fake chuckle) We did not think it would escalated this far.

Celestia and Firespark hurried over to us, Firespark checking on Lightning. Celestia said,”Are you two okay?”

I shook myself and desummoned Stormtide. “I'll be alright, but maybe we should talk later sis. I'm a little tired.” I looked at Lighting, “You okay over there?”

He nodded, I hugged Celestia

Doctor: (Star) Thanks for getting me almost killedCelestia.

and Luna and flew off.

Ditzy: Great, now half of the throne room is destroyed.

“Quite the little fighter isn't he?” Lightning said.

“He'll need to be.” Luna said, watching.

Doctor: Who knows when Nightmare Moon will attack him out of nowhere.

As I flew, I ran into Gilda. She wanted to fly back to Canterlot with me,

Doctor: Aren’t you already inCanterlot?

and I didn't have a problem with that.

“So, Starlight?” she asked, “How long did it take you to fit in to Ponyville, being a human and all?”

I decided not to correct her on that fact that my body was cursed. “Surprisingly, not a long time. Everypony adapted rather well.”

Doctor: (Star) Many ponies still refuse to look me in the eye and avoid me whenever I walk near them, but it isn’t all bad.

Gilda nodded, “I just hope that I can erase the mistakes I made when I was here last time.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) All I did was act like a jerk to everyone, but the way they are acting, you would think I killed someone.

I flew over to a cloud and stood on it to rest my wings.

Ditzy: Trains exist Starlight.

“Sometimes that's all we can do.”

Gilda landed next to me. “Maybe we can do more..”

“Hmmm?” I said not really paying attention.

Ditzy: (Star) I wonder how the Equestrian National Hoofball team did against Zebrica today?

I turned...just as Gilda kissed me on the mouth...hard.

Doctor: It caused them to accidentally fall off the cloud.

My eyes widened. “Ahh!” I yelped, jumping backward. “Gilda! What the buck are you doing?!”

Ditzy: (Gilda) Falling in love with you idiot. Isn’t that what all girls do around Sues?

Gilda didn't look me in the eye. “I'm sorry, Prince, I..”

I was upset. “Gilda I don't really know what to say right now.”

Ditzy: Sorry, I already have a marefriend?

I looked off in the distance. “I'm not going to do anything about this Gilda, because I don't want to shatter the peace.”

Ditzy: (Star) Stormtide would drink your blood if I didn’t.

I stood up. “Let's pretend this didn't happen.”

All: Must like what we want to do about this fic.

I jumped off the cloud and dashed off toward Twilight's house.

Ditzy: To sulk in the basement and eat ice cream.

…

Gilda clawed the cloud in anger.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Stupid cloud! You messed up my mojo!

She had been so close to winning the prince's heart.

Ditzy: Uh, no.

She knew the reason that the prince didn't want her.

Doctor: Lack of an attraction to griffons?

Ditzy: He already has a marefriend?

Damn that Rainbow Dash! If it wasn’t for her, she would have the prince wrapped around her claw. “You don't want to shatter the peace, Prince? Consider it too late for that.

Doctor: (Gilda) Of course you realize, this means war!

I'll be the one to snap everypony here back to reality.”

Ditzy: To the dangers of drinking and flying.

She stood up and flew in the direction of Ponyville.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 5

Chapter 5-Magical Meltdown

Doctor: Twilight Sparkle goes nuclear.

It had been a week since I had that little “incident” with Gilda,

Ditzy: Maybe you shouldn’t put it that way, somepony might get the wrong idea.

and I hadn't seen her after that. The only reason I knew she was still even in Ponyville was that other ponies I spoke to told me that they had seen her. Personally I didn't want to talk to her or really anypony, so I had spent the last 4 days in Canterlot. Celestia was worried about me, as I found out at breakfast.

Doctor: It looked like he hadn’t bathed or changed his clothes in days and he had a 5 o'clock shadow.

“Starlight,” she said. “You haven't left the castle in days. Did something happen in Ponyville?”

Ditzy: (Star) No, I’m just marathoning old InuYasha episodes. I’m not even half way through yet!

“No. I guess I just needed sometime to myself.” I said. I realized that I did feel a lot better.

Doctor: (Star) I should hid in my room for days more often.

“Twilight sent me a letter telling me that she was going to cast a special celebration spell.” Celestia said. “She was wondering if you would like to attend it.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) She said muffins are involved.

“Sure.” I said. “Can't hurt to check it out.”

Ditzy: (Star) Twilight! Why am I a girl now!?

Doctor: (Twilight) Um, slight miscalculation in the spell! Don’t worry! It will be an easy fix! Really!

I finished up and walked over to the window. “I'll see you later.” I opened the window and jumped out. Extending my wings, I flew in the direction of Ponyville.

Doctor: (Guard) Uh, he does know we could just fly him there right?

…

Everypony had heard about the celebration spell Twilight was going to cast for Starlight, even a certain griffon.

Ditzy: Bunkers were prepared for the fallout.

Gilda was at Twilight's helping her prepare for it.

Ditzy: Yep, nothing strange or suspicious about that.

“So, the prince is coming back today?” Gilda asked.

“Yep! Spike got a letter from Princess Celestia” Twilight said, bouncing around the room.

Ditzy: This why we don’t give her caffeine.

“Everything's gotta be perfect!”

Doctor: (Gilda) Gah! We’ve checked everything five times already!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Nonsense. It never hurts to recheck everything 8 or 10 more times.

“So, why are we celebrating this?” The griffon asked, looking around the room.

Doctor: (Gilda) It’s just Arbor Day.

“It's for beating Nightmare Moon, when he landed here.” Twilight explained. “She could have easily taken us over that day, but he fought her off.”

Ditzy: That isn’t how I remember it.

Doctor: You do have the Elements of Harmony remember?

Twilight looked at the spellbook. “Oh, I need to go grab something! Be right back!” The purple unicorn bounded upstairs.

Doctor: Twilight seems in a particularly good mood today.

Gilda smiled and walked over to the spellbook that Twilight was reading. “This should make this a fun celebration.” Now the book had been written in pencil,

Ditzy: The economy was hit pretty hard. This was the only way the publisher could afford to publish the book.

so Gilda erased some of the words and replaced them with other words.

Doctor: Something someone obsessed with details like Twilight would likely never notice.

She moved away from the book as Twilight came back downstairs.

Ditzy: Whistling inconspicuously.

“Come on Gilda, the prince's almost here!” Twilight picked up the book with her horn and ran outside. Gilda followed, smiling.

Doctor: (Gilda) Ain’t I a stinker.

…

As I broke the cloud barrier and flew into Ponyville, I saw that everypony was in the middle of town. Flying over there I saw that someponies had erected a stage and there was a drawing of me on it, holding my sword.

Ditzy: In crayon.

As I flew over and landed next to the mayor, everypony let up a cheer for me. I slightly blushed as the mayor started to speak.

Doctor: (Mayor) Due to your outstanding service to ponyville, we have decided to Duke of Ponyville. All administrative duties will be passed on to him.

“Prince Starlight, we never properly thanked you for stopping Nightmare Moon when you first arrived here.” She said.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Darn straight! I didn’t even get to throw you a party!

“So, our very own Twilight Sparkle is going to start our celebration with a spell written for you!”

Doctor: (Mayor) Everypony please move to safe distance. We have sandbags and trenches prepared to protect us when the spell inevitable fails.

As everypony cheered, I just saw that all the town was set up like a giant party. “Pinkie Pie's doing” I thought.

Doctor: (Star) The pinatas shaped like my head were pretty weird.

Looking down, I saw my mane 6 friends

Ditzy: That’s just awkward sounding.

and Gilda standing together. I waved at them as Twilight stepped up to the stage.

Bowing she said, “Thank you, for stopping her. This is a spell I found just for you.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) I found it in the Necroponicon.

She turned around as all the ponies near that area moved back. Her horn glowed as she cast the spell. Tendrils of magic started to wrap together in the middle of the square. The spell was going well.

Doctor: The sudden change of Twilight’s magic to green was pretty strange, but its probably nothing.

Suddenly my horn started to glow red and I sensed danger.

Doctor: It can do that now I guess.

“Twilight! Stop the spell!” I yelled.

“I can't!” She was struggling to keep her balance. I summoned Stormtide and jumped to the spell area,

Doctor: What, is he planning on cutting off her head to stop the spell?

determined to absorb the magic with the sword.

Ditzy: Would you stop giving Starlight random convenient powers?

All of a sudden, Twi's horn gave a giant flash of light and the spell exploded.

Doctor: It was later known as the spell that broke the world.

I was sent flying into the stage. The ponies that were closest to the area were knocked over. Slightly stunned, I looked around. Fortunately there was little to no damage beside the middle of the square.

Ditzy: (Star) And my broken spine.

I looked down and saw.....my sisters? “Celestia, Luna, what are you two doing here?” I asked, jumping next to them.

They both looked at me, then I saw that their eyes were glowing red.

Ditzy: Red eyes. I am starting to suspect foalplay here.

That can't be good. “Oh, nothing much, Prince of Darkness.”

Doctor: (Luna) Do you like our red contact lens? We have heard it is hip and grooving with the current generation.

And that's even worse! I summoned Stormtide and held it in front of me just as they both blasted me with magic.

Ditzy: Blowing him to pieces. The End.

Hitting the ground I yelled, “Major, get everypony out of here! Now!” She started to move everypony in a direction that wasn't by me and my evil sisters.

Ditzy: Uh, Starlight. I don’t think they are actually your sisters. Probably just evil clones, like what happened with Big Mac.

I saw that Twilight had passed out and my friends were trying to wake her up.

Doctor: (Pinkie) It’s a good thing I have these firecrackers.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Tie them to her tail. That would be hilarious.

I turned just in time to deflect another magical blast. “What's wrong, brother? Why won't you join us?”

Doctor: (Star) It might have to do with the fact that you won’t stop attacking me.

“Maybe because you aren't my sisters!” I yelled.

Ditzy: (Star) If your were, I would join you in an instant and bring Equestria to its knees!

I then yelled Rarity's name and tapped into the power of her cutie mark. Creating a big diamond, I slammed it into the side of the dark Celesta’s head,

Doctor: It created a funny and cartoonish sound effect.

sending her careening into a wall.

Ditzy: Maybe you can fight them off without causing massive property damage? Somepony will have to pay to have that wall fixed!

Dark Luna ran up and bucked Stormtide out of my hand. I rolled under her

Ditzy: (Star) Blushing after I did it.

and covering my hand in a diamond, I punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground.

Dark Celesta shot a levitation spell at me, but I blocked it with a diamond,

Ditzy: I don’t think that is how levitation spells work, usually they just lift you right away.

reflecting the spell toward Dark Luna. As it hit her, I ran by Dark Celestia and cut deep into her side with a dagger sized diamond. She yelled, turned and smacked me with her front hooves, knocking me down. She reared up to slam down on me. I rolled out of the way and jumped up, resummoning Stormtide and slashing her up the flank.

Ditzy: Um, maybe you should try aiming for more fatal areas.

A sparkly blue type of blood formed from the wound.

Doctor: She’s really a Venusians!

I didn't have much time to look as I got blasted in the face with another type of magic.

Ditzy: (Star) It was chaos magic. It turned me a tap dancing jaguar in a banana costume.

Hitting the ground I looked at my hand. “This might work.” I thought, switching from Rarity's cutie mark to Pinkie's. I rolled and shot Dark Luna with a firework. It got caught in her mane and rose up in the sky, carrying her with it. “That'll be an interesting display,” I said,

Doctor: Yeah, with the sky raining her blood and internal organs all over the place.

just as Dark Celestia picked me up with magic and slammed me into the stage.

Doctor: (Star) Ugh, that never happens to heroes that make one liners in the movies!

I heard Rainbow yell, “I think Twilight's losing her color!” Then I understood.

All: Discord!

The dark versions of my sisters were pure magic, and they were living off of Twi's magical power. I needed to stop them before they drained Twi completely.

Doctor: All those study sessions with Twilight haven’t been a waste.

I picked myself up and stood in front of the evil alicorns. “Twilight!” I yelled. My clothes changed from pink to purple and I felt an intense rush of magical energy rush though me.

Ditzy: Causing him to explode.

Then I knew what Twilight's cutie mark gave me.

Doctor: The power… of dance!

Not having time to dwell on it, I summoned Stormtide and rushed at the dark magic. I slammed Dark Celestia in the head with my sword and stabbed Dark Luna in the head. “Go. Back!” I yelled, ripping the sword out. Luna screamed and dissolved into a sparkly substance, rising in the air.

Doctor: It left the refreshing smell of pine.

I held my arm out and created a shimmering golden spear in my left hand.

Ditzy: So...this is the power Twilight gives him?

As Dark Celestia flew up in the air, I pointed and shot the spear at her, hitting her directly in the stomach. She dissolved into the sparkly substance and it joined the other one. The substance suddenly flew toward Twilight and her horn absorbed it, giving her color back.

Doctor: Too bad it was the wrong one.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Why am I plaid now!?

I ran toward my friends still holding my sword,

Doctor: Didn’t your parents ever tell not to run while holding something sharp?

Ditzy: (Star) Is she al- AHHHH! My eye!

but my clothes were normal now. Noticing that Gilda wasn't there, I said, “Is she OK?”

Applejack nodded. “She'll be fine, but I think she needs a rest.”

Rarity nodded, “Let's take her back to her house, the poor thing. We need to figure out who sabotaged her so bad!”

Ditzy:The idea that she messed up a spell on her own is inconceivable.

“Pinkie, can you tell everypony it's safe now?” I asked.

Doctor: He noticed ponies were wearing hazmat suits.

“And tell them that we'll have the party after I find out who did this?”

Ditzy: No time to party, there’s a villain on the loose!

“Okie-dokie!” Pinkie said, bounding off. I gently picked up Twilight and flew toward her house, the others not far behind.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 6

Chapter 6-Laying a Plan

Rainbow Dash paced around Twilight's living room. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy were talking about what had happened at the celebration, while Starlight was upstairs healing Twilight.

Ditzy: (Star) I hope Twilight doesn’t mind the extra leg.

“I'm telling you, there's no way Twilight would have messed that up so bad!” Applejack said.

Doctor: (Applejack) Triple checking everythin’ got to count for somethin’ right?

“She's the strongest unicorn in all of Ponyville!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pfft. Like that’s an impressive feat.

“Yes, but maybe someone messed with the spell?” Rainbow said, flying by her. “Twilight probably sparked it wrong or...”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Aliens! They flew over and messed with Twilight’s magic!

They all stopped talking as Starlight and Spike came downstairs, both looking equally tired. “How is the poor dear?” Rarity asked.

Starlight walked over and tiredly shook his head.

Doctor: (Star) She’s rocking back and forth in a fetal position muttering to herself that it’s ‘All her fault’’.

“I removed all the dark magic from her horn.” he said. He sat down on the enchanted rug that turned him into a alicorn colt, how he would look if his body wasn't cursed.

Ditzy: Awww. He’s so cute.

“Don't wake me up unless Nightmare Moon herself walked in here and asks for a cup of tea.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) Funny you should say that. I was in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could join me for a cup of tea.

He laid down on the rug and fell asleep, the spell taking effect and transforming him.

Doctor: (Spike) Is he suppose to grow tentacles like that?

Spike sat on the rug next to the prince. “What are we gonna do? Somepony really tried to hurt Twilight! We gotta do something!”

Rarity said, “Relax Spikey. We'll figure something out.”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Don’t worry! Detective Pinkie is on the case!

Rainbow started pacing again. “I don't think that whoever did that was trying to hurt Twilight.”

Doctor: Given that the imposters did nothing but attack Starlight, that was rather obvious.

“What are you getting at, Rainbow?” Applejack said.

Ditzy: Oh, come on! Did everypony forget that the bad guys have only gone after Starlight?

“I asked Twilight what the spell was 2 days before today.” Rainbow said. “She said it was supposed to twist pure magic to create what Starlight really looked like.

Ditzy: And what? Make him feel bad about the fact he’s cursed?

Doctor: (Twilight) You see everypony, this is what the Prince is suppose to look like until he was twisted into the abomination he is now.

But the spell created the dark forms of his sisters. I think that the spell was supposed to hurt Starlight.”

All: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Fluttershy slowly walked up with the spellbook that Twilight had used at the celebration. “Here. I think this is the book Twilight used.”

Ditzy: That’s a coloring book.

Rarity levitated the book from Fluttershy and started rifling though it. “Here's the spell that she was using.”

“Look!” Pinkie yelped. “There's marks like somepony erased words in here!”

Doctor: And the change of handwriting gives it away.

Ditzy: Don’t you mean hoofwriting?

“I wonder...” Rainbow said, then she started zipping though the library. “Thought so!” She returned to the room, holding the exact same book. “Twilight has two copies of that book!”

Ditzy: Sometimes Twilight’s OCD does come in handy.

“Lets compare them.” Rarity said, taking the book from Rainbow. The white unicorn put the books side-by-side and looked at them carefully. “You're completly right, Rainbow. The words were changed!

Doctor: (Rarity) Unbelievable.

DItzy: (Rainbow) Hey! I can be right sometimes!

Rainbow's eyes flashed. “I thought so!” She landed on the ground. “I'm going to find who did this and tear them apart!”

Ditzy: Nopony messes with her hubby.

“How do we know it wasn't an accident?” Fluttershy asked.

“This was a deliberate change, Shy.” Rainbow said. “Whoever did this knew what they were doing.”

Ditzy: Um, so what was Gilda’s plan exactly? I thought she wanted to steal Star from Rainbow Dash.

“Well, we need a plan to figure out who did this!” Pinkie said, bouncing around.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Quick! Get me a pojostick and some whipped cream! Don’t ask questions, just do it!

“I know that things have been going wrong since Starlight left for a week,” Applejack said.

Doctor: Droughts! Floods! Plagues! Crops dying! Uncontrollable storms! Copying machines breaking down! Toilet paper rolls running out!

“But this is the last straw! Let's go find out who did this!”

Doctor: (Applejack) I’ll form an angry mob to help us.

“I'll stay here and make sure Starlight and Twilight sleep well.” Rainbow said.

Doctor: (Rainbow) This golf club will make sure that they do.

The other ponies made their way out the door, but Applejack stopped and shut the door.

“What's wrong, Dash? Usually, you'd be the first to go flying, trying to be the first to find out what's wrong. Spike can watch them.”

Ditzy: Why aren’t you out there recklessly endangering your life?

“Spike is asleep.” Rainbow said, pointing at the sleeping baby dragon. “And I'm a little tired.”

Applejack, being the Element of Honesty knew something else was up.

Ditzy: That and Rainbow is a horrible liar.

“Come on now, spit it out!” she said.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Talk, or I might need to get nasty with ya’!

Rainbow sighed, “I'll tell you Applejack, just not yet okay?”

Ditzy: (Applejack) I think ah get it. Yur pregnant ain’t ya?

Doctor: (Rainbow) What!? No! Where did you get that idea!?

Applejack nodded, “We'll talk after all this, Sugercube.” She galloped out the door.

Ditzy: Does this mean Applejack is going to die?

Rainbow walked over to Starlight and kissed him on the cheek. “I promise to protect you, even if you think that you're supposed to protect me.”

Ditzy: It is a mare’s job to protect their stallion.

Doctor: What an antiquated notion.

She then went upstairs to check on Twilight.

Doctor: (Twilight) I hope I get a kiss too. Hey! Where is she going!?

…

I was walking though the palace, but everypony seemed to be rushing in a panic. Confused, I ran up to the main hall, where my sisters were talking. “Celly! Lu-lu! What's happening?” I yelled, hugging my older sisters with my front legs.

Celestia rubbed my head. “He needs to leave, Luna. He's been here too long.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) He’s been nothing but a nuisance. The servants are threatening to quit!

Doctor: (Star) Bu-but…

Ditzy: (Luna) We concur, he’s been nothing but a bother since his birth.

Luna shook her head, “What if we can't find him again?” She looked at me. “You know the prophecy can't be completed if he isn't with us.”

All: (Groans)

Ditzy: Not another prophecy.

“He isn't ready!” Celestia said. She knelt down, so we were at eye level. “Listen Star. You need to go on a trip for a little while.

Ditzy: Road trip! Whoooooooo!

We will come get you when it's over.”

Doctor: Give or take a few centuries.

“But why?”I cried. “I don't want to leave you two!”

Luna rubbed my head, “I know, brother. But if we don't.....”

Suddenly the front door to the hall exploded, sending the door flying at us. The three of us sparked our horns and stopped the door.

Doctor: (Star) I helped!

“Well, well. Isn't it polite to open the door for your guests?”

Ditzy: Yeah! How rude!

“You aren't our guest, Nightmare.” Celestia said, angrily.

Ditzy: (Celestia) You could have at least brought a casserole.

Then the most evil alicorn I ever saw walked thought the doorway.

Ditzy: Twilight Sparkle!?

Doctor: (Twilight) It’s spelled T-H-R-O-U-G-H! Who taught you how to spell!?!

Luna pushed me behind her, but I could still see what was happening.

“I've just come for the newborn prince.” Nightmare said, walking up closer. “Although he's 5 years of age today isn't he?”

My sisters didn't say a word, but Nightmare laughed.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I just thought of a funny joke Lettercolt told last night.

“That explains everything.

Ditzy: (Looks at the Doctor)

Doctor: Don’t look at me, I’m just as lost as you are.

Now give him to me and I'll be on my way.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) I still have a water bill I need to pay!

My sisters sparked up their horns. Nightmare said, “Fine, I can just take him also!” She pointed at us and a dark hand came toward me....

All: A dark hand?

“No!!” I yelled, leaping off the rug and turning back into a human form.

Doctor: And accidently fell down the stairs.

Stormtide appeared in my hand as I forced myself to calm down. “Phew, it was just a bad dream.

Ditzy: Yeah! It completely messes up Luna’s backstory.

Or was it?” I sat back on the rug, desummoning Stormtide as Rainbow walked in.

Ditzy: Huh, I thought Rainbow’s appearance would cause the opposite reaction.

Doctor: Really Ditzy.

Ditzy: Hey! I thought it was funny!

“Are you alright, Prince?” she asked. “I heard you screaming.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Something about no wire hangers.

I shook my head. “Just a bad dream, Rainbow.”

Doctor: Luna must be slacking off.

Rainbow nodded and was about to leave the room when I said,”Would you come sit with me for a little bit? I've been rather lonely this past week.”

Ditzy: (Star) And Playcolt can only keep a stallion entertained for so long.

Doctor: (Sighs)

Rainbow came over and sat next to me. I pulled her closer and kissed her. “Sorry I was gone for so long.” I whispered.

Ditzy: (Star) We’ll kiss for two days straight to make up for it.

She sighed and leaned into me. “How about you tell me next time your gonna just disappear. Everpony wondered why I was flying around like an idiot looking for you.” I just laughed and kissed her again.

Doctor: (Star) I love it when you make a fool of yourself.

We sat there for a little bit, not speaking but just enjoying being with each other.

Doctor: A whole three seconds.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Screw this slow mushy stuff! Let’s have a race!

Then Rainbow asked, “Star, why did you leave Ponyville for a week?”

I sighed, having dreaded this conversation. “After I had met the unicorns from a different part of Equestria in Canterlot, I ran into Gilda on my way back. We flew and talked for a while, but when I stopped to rest for a bit, she tried to kiss me.”

Doctor: (Star) The fact she was wiggling her tongue while doing it made it pretty unsettling.

I felt Rainbow go stiff in my arms. “What?!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That whorse!

She turned and looked at me. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't want you to think that I had lied to you.” I said.

Doctor: (Star)(Coughs) This time.

“I meant what I said when I told you I loved you Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: (Star) I got half of my body tattooed to prove it.

I still love you, and that's why I had to go for a while.”

Doctor: I don’t follow. It isn’t like you instigated the kiss.

Rainbow turned and was silent. “Gilda never liked it when things didn't go her way.” she said.

Doctor: She was known to pull arms out of their sockets if she lost.

“That's it!” I know why all this bad stuff has been happening to the town!”

Doctor: Other bad stuff? What are you talking about!?

Ditzy: Did we miss a chapter?

We heard hoofsteps from upstairs and knew Twilight was awake. I also knew that our friends were coming back. Rainbow slipped out of my arms. "Still wanna keep your tough image?" I teased her.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Buck yeah!

She play-smacked me in the head. "Are you okay if we don't tell them just yet?

Ditzy: Why hide something that is blatantly obvious to anypony with eyes.

"Sure, but they'll know when we confront Gilda." I said.

Doctor: Oh, right. The villainous monologue.

"Maybe not." Rainbow said. "I have a plan.

Doctor: (Surprised) Really?

I nodded as Twilight slowly came downstairs and our friends ran in the door, extremely excited and all talking at once. “So I assume you know what's happening?” I asked.

Applejack nodded. “We checked the handwriting

Ditzy: Clawwriting.

and it matched to Gilda. She musta been the one to sabotage the spell.”

Twilight came all the way downstairs,” I did leave her down here with the book. She could have easily changed some words around.”

Rainbow stood up and held her hoof up as Rarity started to ask a question. “We'll talk about that later, but right now I have a plan to stop her!”

Ditzy: Uh, you could just get the police. You have solid evidence.

Doctor: No! We need a convoluted plan to stop her.

Everypony gathered around me as she started to explain her plan.

Ditzy: Why is Rainbow Dashthe one making the plan?

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 8

Chapter 8 - Facing the Fact

Doctor: About the quality of this story?

We held the funeral for Gilda 3 days later. Celestia and Luna were both there as well as everypony from Ponyville and Canterlot.

Ditzy: After all, Gilda was one of the most beloved in Equestria.

It was quite a big deal because nopony had died recently, as Celestia told me.

Ditzy: What? Ponies die all the time!

I was at the funeral, but I couldn't say anything.

Doctor: (Star) I thought it was in bad taste to give some final words.

I didn't feel as if I had a right to. We buried Gilda under the stars.

Ditzy: Even though she wanted her ashes spread into the sky, like most griffons.

I woke up about 3 days after the funeral,

Ditzy: In chains in a cell.

seeing that I was in my room in Canterlot.

Doctor: (Star) ...Why is the entire room upside down?

Slowly, I got up and dressed myself, brushed my teeth and other morning stuff. I picked up my crown, but hung it on the side of my pants instead on putting it on.

Doctor: He was trying a new fashion statement.

Ditzy: Is he going to angst about how he isn’t worthy of wearing it anymore?

I wandered around the castle for a while, not having any clear goal. I came across Luna in the banquet hall.

Ditzy: Stuffing her face with hay fries.

“You're finally awake, brother.” she said.

Doctor: (Luna) We were a bit too eager with that sleeping drug.

“So I did pass out?” I asked.

Ditzy: (Luna) Yes, while thee were standing in middle of a road.

Luna nodded. “Tia took care of you while I was helping the town. She barely left your side.”

Doctor: Except today apparently.

“Thanks, Lu-lu.” I said, smirking. She narrowed her eyes and shot a small beam of magic at me.

Ditzy: Impaling him in the heart. The End.

I dodged it and ran off, laughing.

Doctor: Then cried in fear when she won’t stop shooting.

I didn't know that Luna was smiling behind me. I walked along the ramparts and saw Celestia. As I approached her, she saw me and beckoned me closer, hugging me when I got to her. “I'm so glad you're awake.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) The leeches weren’t doing anything.

“Thanks sis.” I said. “Why did I pass out?”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Side effect of too many energy drinks.

“When I allowed you to use your true magic,

Doctor: Opposed to the counterfeit magic going around these days.

it drained all of the energy from your body.” she explained. “Your body was running on nothing but pure magic for the last 3 days.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Now you are running on super unleaded.

I nodded but asked, “Let me use it?”

“Star.” Tia said, softly. “You are very strong for an alicorn your age. It's possible you might be stronger then me and your sister.

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Naturally.

Ditzy: At 13?

But if you use too much of it at once, you could possibly drain all of your power and kill yourself.

Ditzy: (Star) What! Why didn’t you tell me sooner!? What kind of sister are you!?

I was able to limit your power when you used it so you didn't die. I couldn't keep up so that's why your body ran on magic.”

“Will I ever be able to use all of my powers?” I asked.

Ditzy: (Star) I’m not OP enough.

My sister nodded. “You asked for my help, so that's why I could help you. I don't have natural control over you The reason you couldn't do it by yourself is because your body is still cursed.” I looked away, thinking.

Doctor: It always comes down to that stupid curse doesn’t it?

“Starlight.” Celestia said, not looking me in the eyes. “I'm sorry we couldn't help you.” I looked at her, a questioning look on my face. “We knew that you needed to learn how to fight without us.”

Doctor: (Celestia) And the best way to teach you was to throw you to the wolves so to speak.

“But I have!” I said. “Didn't I beat Nightmare twice?”

“She was letting you.” Celestia said. “It's a favorite trick of her's.

Doctor: (Celestia) Did you really think an alicorn could be defeated by fireworks?

She was testing your strength so she could use that against you.”

Ditzy: And now she knows all your tricks making it easy for her to pick all your strategies apart.

I looked away, starting to cry. “Why, what is wrong, Star?” Celestia asked.

Doctor: (Star) I’m a terrible main character.

“I-I didn't want to kill her.” I said. “I didn't know what to do and I....” I lost it then, crying like a baby.

Ditzy: Awwww….

Doctor: Poor lad.

Celestia drew me closer to her and wrapped me in a sisterly hug. “I know, brother.” We stayed like that until I stopped crying. “That fact that you can shed tears if prove enough that you have won.”

Ditzy: Ha! Eat on that evil!

I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“Nightmare wanted to turn you into a killer.” Celestia explained. “A killer without feeling.

Ditzy: Didn’t he kill 3 ponies in the first book with no remorse.

Doctor: He was never shy about killing before.

One who can slaughter thousands, and feel no regret afterward. I know, because she tried to do that to me.”

Doctor: Why is it the side of evil never realizes that most people aren’t sociopaths?

I stayed silent. I knew that I would stop anyone that tried to bring harm to Equestria.

Doctor: A place you have only known for a few months at best.

But what lengths would I have to go to?

“Killing wouldn't be your first choice, right Star?” Tia asked. I nodded.

Ditzy: Yeah duh, just strip them of their power and lock them in Tartarus.

“I want you to know that even though many ponies will be confused for a while, Luna and I are proud of you. And you have beaten Nightmare, she just doesn't know it yet.”

Sitting up there with my big sister and hearing that she was proud of me, it made me feel a lot better.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Sucker.

Doctor: (Celestia) I can’t believe he fell for that feel good nonsense.

…

I spent the next two days learning more about what Celestia and Luna did. Apparently Celestia raised the sun and Luna raised the moon. I was supposed to be the stars,

Ditzy: Isn’t that Luna’sjob? Princess of the Night and everything.

but seeing as they were already up there I was at a loss with THAT. Luna told me just to work on becoming stronger with the Cutie Stamp for when Nightmare returned.

Ditzy: Maybe try to get more than two or three useful powers?

I was by the main door when I saw the guards stop somepony from entering. Walking up I saw that it was Derpy.

Ditzy: (Sighs)

Doctor: There there.

“It's okay guys.” I said to the guards. “She can come in.” They let Derpy though, whereas she gave me a big hug.

Ditzy: Too bad it as a trap and it was actually Nightmare Moon.

“We've missed you, Starlight!” she said, clearly excited to see me. “Letter for ya!” She reached into her bag and pulled out a letter.

Ditzy: (Derpy) It’s from Sugarcube Corner. They’re suing you for damages when you destroyed their shop a few months ago in your fight with Nightmare Moon.

Taking it I said. “Thanks Derpy. Hold on a sec.” I flew into the kitchen and returned. “Here, It's a bag of muffins. Don't eat them all in one day alright?”

Doctor: A day? I doubt they could last an hour.

Ditzy: (Blushes) It’s not like you can just eat one muffin.

“THANK YOU!”, she yelled, then flew out of the castle.

I smiled and took the letter back to my room and opened it.

“Dear Prince Starlight,

We've missed you for a while and were wondering if you would like to come back to Ponyville and hang out with us. We are having a little party and just HAD to invite you. Come meet Pinkie at Sugercube Corner and she'll take you to the party. See you soon! Twilight Sparkle”

Ditzy: (Twilight) P.S.

I flew though the air, loving the feeling of the wind in my air. As I flew over Ponyville it seemed kind of.....deserted.

Doctor: (Pony) Hide! That pony is nothing but trouble.

I touched down in the square and walked around. “Hmm, what are they up to?” I said. Remembering what the letter had said, I walked over to Sugercube Corner. Going inside, I saw Pinkie asleep on the floor. What?

“Pinkie? Pinkie! Wake up!” I said, shaking her. She yawned and opened her eyes.

“Hey there, Prince.” She yawned, not at all like herself. “About time you got here. Follow me.” She slowly walked back to the square, I followed, worried.

Ditzy: She’s walking! It has to be an impostor!

Doctor: And she never gave you a hug that nearly broke your spine.

We reached the square and I looked at the stage. “Did you guys ever fix this thing?” I turned around and suddenly there was an explosion of color.

“SURPRISE!!!!!” All of the ponies in Ponyville sprang out and yelled.

Ditzy: Surprised, Starlight brought out Stormtide and attacked everything in sight.

Balloons were tied, confetti was flying everywhere. It was like the craziest party in the universe.

Doctor: You clearly haven’t been to Kilkushua.

Ditzy: This seems rather tame for a Pinkie Pie Party.

And I was the center of it. My other five friends came up and I saw...two Pinkies?! “Wha...?”

All: FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!

The Pinkie standing by me turned into Twilight. “Phew, I practiced THAT spell for a while!”

Doctor: (Starlight) You scared me! I don’t think the universe can withstand two Pinkies!

Ditzy: Wait...his Sue powers couldn't see through it?

They all hugged me, and the party truly began.

Doctor: A lot of hugging in this story.

Ditzy: I approve!

…

The party lasted all day. I had so many treats, I think I lost my sweet tooth.

Doctor: (Star) The very name ‘Cupcake’ fills me with terror.

Not to mention the all the games and general fun. I. was sitting at Sugercube Corner when dark fell. “Awesome party, Pinkie!”

She jumped up and down happily. “I know right?! This is my best party EVER!”

I hugged her and sat back down. “Party wore me out.” I told the hyper pony. “Totally one of your best parties.”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Didn’t we just establish that?

“Hope you aren't too tired to go for a little flight.” I heard.

Doctor: (Pinkie) We should totally have a race with my new flying machine! It has rocket boosts now!

Turning I saw my cyan colored marefriend.

“Course not.” I hopped up and left the store. The two of us flew off into the sky. Looking down, I saw the town all lit up for the party. “I can't believe that this was all for me.” I said

Rainbow nodded. “We convinced the princess to keep you in Canterlot so we could get it all done. I think it worked out well though.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Berry Punch got sick and threw up in the punch bowl, but overall the party went over pretty well.

I nodded, “It sure did.” We finished our flight by landing on our cloud. Rainbow had pushed it over the town.

I laid down on the cloud and Rainbow landed. Still standing she watched the town for a while. “Starlight, I don't want you to think that I hated you for killing Gilda.” She said.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I loathe you now.

“You tried, we all tried to help her. She was just so corrupted by Nightmare that she let herself be used by her.”

Ditzy: And she was clearly nutter then a Pecan Pie Muffin!

Doctor: ...Interesting metaphor.

She stopped talking for a minute. “I don't want to push you away from me Starlight.”

“I didn't leave because I thought you were mad at me, Dash.” I said, turning over. “I passed out because I tried to infuse my body with stars.” Rainbow smiled at that.

She turned and looked at me. “I do love you, Starlight.” She sat down and nestled into me. “Promise to remember that?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Especially if the guilt makes you snap and go crazy.

I gave her a long kiss. “I could never forget that. I promise.” We laid down and watched Pinkie's fireworks explode over the sky. It was a truly beautiful sight. “You do realize that we are going to explain to our friends about us?”

Ditzy: (Star) They’ll never understand our forbidden love!

“Let's cross that bridge when when we come to it, kay?” She told me. I laughed and kissed her again, holding her and watching the stars.

Doctor: Boring her with details about the various constellations.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) For the last time Star, nopony cares what the stars in Orion’s belt are called!

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 9

Chapter 9 - A Bright Hope, A Dark Plot

Ditzy: Sounds like the title of a porno.

Karen shut the book she was reading and sighed.

Doctor: (Karen) Why can’t Bella realize just how much Jacob cares about her?

“I know you're out there Star, and you better be safe.” Her best friend had grown wings in the gym class and disappeared over a month ago.

Ditzy: It’s only been a month? Feels longer.

Because she had been closer to Starlight then anyone else, even his parents,

Ditzy: So are they actually dead? Or...what?

she had been questioned repeatedly. Fortunately, after getting no answers because she didn't know anything, everyone had let up on her. A day didn't go by that she missed her friend.

Doctor: And he still owed her 5 bucks!

Her brother, Tom was babysitting her,

Ditzy: But..she’s 13.

but he was upstairs on the phone. Karen wandered into the living room, not really sure what to do.

Doctor: (Karen) How is we have 130 channels, but nothing is ever on?

Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. “Good, I needed someone to talk to.” she thought.

Doctor: (Man) Would you like to hear about Scientology and its brave fight against the Evil Lord Xenu?

She opened the door....and almost had a heart attack. Standing in front of her was none other then Princess Celestia.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Sup.

“Hello, Karen I believe?” The white alicorn said. “Might I come in? I don't want anypony to see me.”

Doctor: (Drunk) At least it isn’t pink elephants this time!

Karen nodded, speechless and quickly ushered her inside.

Doctor: (Karen) I knew it was a bad idea to eat those strange brownies my brother gave me.

Celestia looked around the house. “This is a very nice place, young human.

Ditzy: The pizza boxes and fast food wrappers are the nice touch.

But I apologize because I do not have much time to talk.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) My daily talk shows are on in an hour.

Karen led Celestia into the living room. “You-you're the real Princess Celestia? This isn't a joke or anything like that?”

Doctor: (Karen) This isn’t another one of Bill’s pranks is it?

Celestia smiled and nodded. “I am the real Celestia.”

Ditzy: Accept no substitute.

Karen walked over and the princess allowed her to touch her head and horn.

“Wow,” Karen said, falling into a chair. “This is intense.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Was it good for you too?

She looked at Celestia for a minute, then suddenly stiffened. “Wait, that means Star really did go to Equestria! Is he okay?! Will I see him again?! How is he.....?”

Doctor: (Karen) He hasn’t been irreversibly traumatized by all the fighting and conflicts he experienced in that world has he?

Celestia held up a hoof, silencing the excited young girl. “I know you have many questions, but please only ask the ones you know are important. I do not have long.”

Ditzy: (Karen) Do you have the hots for Twilight? Twilestia is my favorite ship!

Karen asked, “How did you get here and find me?”

Doctor: (Karen) I thought the author forgot I even existed.

Celestia sat down. “When Starlight landed on Equestria, he lost almost all of his memories from this planet. However, any strong memories he had were preserved.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Most of them involved lockers for some reason.

“Strong memories?” Karen asked.

Ditzy: You know, like that time he accidently wet himself in computer class.

“Anything he refused to let go.” Celestia explained. “His strongest memory was of you, so I read his mind and learned your name and where you lived.”

Doctor: (Karen) That’s a horrible invasion of privacy! You should be ashamed!

Karen thought, “Does he truly remember me?”

Doctor: (Celestia)(Laughs) Of course not! You’re a completely superfluous character.

“No, but he will.” Celestia explained. “That's why I'm here.

Ditzy: (Celestia) I want to create a love triangle.

You will have a crucial part in helping Starlight against his fight against Nightmare soon.

Doctor: Dying to give Star the resolve and rage he needs to win.

I needed to know if you would help him. I must tell you that it probably will put you in danger.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Prepare to be kidnapped, a lot.

“How did you even get to Earth?” Karen asked.

Ditzy: (Celestia) I stole the Doctor’s Tardis. It’s not like he’s using it at the moment anyway. He’s stuck reading terrible fanfiction.

“Starlight.” Celestia said. “He's sleeping now, but I am able to reproduce what his true magic can do. Starlight has the unique ability to cross over the dimensional barrier.”

Doctor: Naturally.

Ditzy: This is like his 30th unique ability.

“That would explain why you are ponies and we are humans.” Karen said. “A parallel dimension.”

Ditzy: (Karen) Maybe I can finally live my dream of being a witch at Hogwarts!

Celestia nodded, “Yes. Luna and I decided to copy that and turn it into a spell so I could talk with you. Unfortunately, we are on a timer because I normally cannot come here.

Doctor: This universe has an anti-alicorn clause.

I teleported here and Luna is maintaining a spell that will keep me here.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Unfortunately that means I am trapped here. Do you know where I can get a part time job?

“What did you need me to do?” Karen said. “How can I help Starlight?”

Celestia created two books out of thin air. “Karen, these are Starlight's journals. They are created by magic, pure magic. They document the details of my brother's life ever since he knew who he was again.”

Doctor: Do you have no sense of privacy whatsoever Celestia?

Karen reached for the books, but Celestia moved them from her.

Doctor: (Celestia) You want this? You want this? Too bad! You can’t have it!

“I'm asking you to be the Keeper of his journals. If you accept and take these, Starlight's journals will magically appear to you whenever the magic starts to create them. But I warn you now, you will be a part of Equestria, if not literally.

Doctor: (Celestia) You will have to pay Equestrian income taxes.

You cannot show any human these journals or explain about Starlight.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Unless you like padded rooms of course.

And when the time comes, you will help Starlight. Please think carefully about this as this is a decision that you cannot turn back from.

Ditzy: (Celestia) And it is entirely possible you might end up dead in a refrigerator. But don’t worry, it ‘probably’ won’t happen.

Karen looked at the books. She knew all she needed to do was to shake her head and that Celestia would leave. She wouldn't be a part of this battle and she would just live her normal life. But as she looked at the books, she knew what she wanted to be a part of what her friend went though.

Ditzy: They could share the trauma together!

Then she made a decision that would forever change her life.

She reached out and took the books from the princess.

Doctor: Attagirl!

Suddenly, she dropped them as her right hand started to burn. As it stopped, she was amazed to see that she had a image of a heart on her head.

Ditzy:If it appeared on her head, why didn’t her hand feel like it was burning?

One half was red and the other half was blue.

There also was an hourglass in the middle of the heart.

Ditzy: Huh, nifty.

“Thank you, Karen.” Celestia said, gratefully. She stood up.

“So I just....wait now?” she said, in shock of her very own cutie mark.

Doctor: (Sweetie) Oh come on!

Ditzy: (Applebloom) That just ain’t fair!

Doctor: (Scootaloo) Hax!

“You will receive Starlight's next journal very soon I believe.” Celestia said. “For now, read his first two and learn.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Check out pages 429, 760, and 800 for the real juicy parts. .

Hearing her brother start to come downstairs, Karen jumped up and escorted the princess to the front door. “One more thing, Karen.” Celestia said. “When you see my brother again, make sure he stamps you."

Ditzy: So would he get some cool time stopping power if he did?

Doctor: Probably something more mundane, like the ability to always know the time.

Ditzy: You are probably right.

She walked onto the front lawn and spread her wings. Rising into the air, she suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.

Doctor: (Neighbor) Honey, did a winged unicorn just disappear from the Robinson’s lawn?

Karen walked inside and shut the door. “Looks like I have some reading to do.” she said, rubbing her hand.

Ditzy: (Karen) Time to learn Star’s deepest, darkest secrets.

Doctor: (Karen) Just think of all the blackmail material I can get.

She sat down and picked up the first book. “It's not easy being a teenager in this world.....”

Ditzy: Everypony expects you to save the world and save the day.

…

Nightmare Moon flew though the halls of the dark castle, coming up to the room where her father was. Walking in she said, “I am here.”

Doctor: (Father) I told you to knock! Knock!

Ditzy: (Nightmare) Sorry father, I seem to have caught you playing with your dolls again.

Doctor: (Father) They’re action figures!

“Nightmare.” A dark voice said. “It appears your plan was a success.”

“But, how?!” Nightmare gasped. “The prince killed the griffon.”

Doctor: (Voice) Exactly, now he will spend most of his time angsting and whining about it, making him an easy target.

“I know that.” The voice said. “I wanted to prove that the prince would kill to achieve his goals of “protecting” Ponyville.

Doctor: (Coughs) First chapter.

Ditzy: (Voice) This means he won’t hesitate to kill me in the future if given the chance. Wait.

There is still hope that I can get him to kill without feeling or regret.”

Doctor: (Voice) And no, swatting mosquitoes doesn’t count.

Nightmare was silent. “You have a thought? Speak it.” the voice said.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) Couldn’t we just brainwash him? It would be so much easier.

“What if we attack the ponies he's closest too?” Nightmare said.

Doctor: Could you think of a plan that isn't so cliche?

“Make him think that we don't really need him.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) So...why do we need him exactly? I have never been to clear on that part.

“That would work at another time.” The voice said, “We will attack the rainbow colored one.”

Ditzy: (Voice) What was her name again? Applejack! That’s it. Kill the one named Applejack!

“But, why specificity her?” Nightmare asked.

Doctor: (Nightmare) Wouldn’t the garbage pony work just as well?

“The prince has make a grave mistake. He has given his heart to the rainbow pony. Now all we need to do it destroy it.

Ditzy: Ironically they broke up a week later.

Nightmare asked," What do you mean?"

The dark voice was silent for just a moment.

Doctor: (Voice) Are you really that stupid?

"The heart is the most fragile part of anypony. By so callously admitting to her that he loves her, he gave himself a weakness."

Ditzy: (Voice) And now we can attack it for massive damage.

The voice was quiet for just a moment. "She doesn't know it, but soon she'll learn that it was smarter for her to keep her feelings bottled in."

Ditzy: (Voice) And he’s only thirteen for Celestia’s sake! That’s all sorts of wrong!

The voice grew stronger. “Leave me now, Nightmare. Dream of a way to use the rainbow pony against him.”

Ditzy: (Voice) Think of a way to create a convoluted, easily avoidable misunderstanding that will drive them apart.

Nightmare left the room. “I will do that but first, lets make sure the prince stays “distracted” for a while.” she said to herself. She walked to an open window and flew out.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) Maybe I could create shadow versions of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to attack him this time.

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Epilogue

Chapter 10-The True Epilogue

Ditzy: This ending can only be unlocked after completing a special side quest and collecting a special item.

Celestia walked into her bedroom, tired from the day. She removed her crown and walked over to her mirror and looked at herself.

Doctor: (Celestia) Is that a... gray hair?

She sighed and tapped on the mirror 4 times. The mirror shimmered and Celestia walked though the mirror.

Doctor: Celestia was secretly a high school principal in another dimension.

Ditzy: Is there a reason the author can never spell through right?

She went down a dark hallway and into a large room. There was a giant mirror in front of her.

Doctor: So we entered a mirror to... find another mirror.

It also shimmered and a silhouette appeared. “Hello there, Celestia. Tired from your long day?”

Ditzy: (Silhouette) You need a centuries overdue vacation. I hear Concordia is nice this time of year.

“Shut up.” She said wearily. “You know why I'm here.

Doctor: (Celestia) Who is the fairest one of all? Ect. ect.

You sent the griffon here didn't you?”

“Maybe.” the voice said. “I just wanted to see how he would hold up in a real fight.

Doctor: (Silhouette) I got such a good laugh out of it.

You don't think Nightmare was actually trying when she fought him, do you?”

Ditzy: (Silhouette) Seriously, if she was trying that little brother of yours would just be a smear on the pavement. Maybe you should actually try training him.

Celestia shook her head, “Just....leave him alone for a while. He's still trying to adjust.

Doctor: (Celestia) After that, he’s fair game!

“No!” The voice boomed, making the princess flinch. “I've waited for over a thousand years

Ditzy: So it was a thousand years!

when you sent him to that planet.

You're weaker now then you were then. Raising the sun, moon AND keeping the stars lit is a hard task for one alicorn.

Doctor: (Silhouette) And all that cake didn’t help.

Don't think that I won't come and reclaim my debt you owe.”

Ditzy: (Silhouette) You still owe me 20 bits and a golf club.

“And just what makes you think you can take it?” Celestia asked, hardning her voice. “My siblings and I would stop you.”

Doctor: (Silhouette) Please, you’ll just get captured or something and your student will end up doing all the work.

The voice laughed. “Oh sure. One tired alicorn, one alicorn that still struggles with her past, and one alicorn that has a cursed body and too much power to even know what to do with.”

Ditzy: Ha! You forgot about Cadance!

“I just need to remove the curse and then...” Celestia started.

Ditzy: Then Star’s power level will be over...no nevermind. Stupid joke.

“Then what? You know that alicorns aren't immortal. Why have Starlight believe that?”

“I....” Celestia stopped.

Doctor: (Celestia) It’s a prank. I can’t wait to see his face when he is dying and his life is slowly fading away from him.

“You don't even know.” The voice said. “Or maybe you do, and you're too ashamed to admit it.

One more thing, princess. What will the prince do when you pass on from this world?”

Doctor: Bring Equestria in a new dark age?

Celestia looked up, looking worn out again. “He's stronger then me and Luna.

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Of course he is.

She can help him learn how to raise the sun until I find a predecessor.”

Doctor: Don’t you mean successor?

The voice chuckled. “It's truly pathetic, how I have more control of you then you do yourself. I'll call you again when I want to talk,

Doctor: (Silhouette) I’m so lonely...You and Nightmare are the only ponies I talk to.

but remember this. I will collect my debt from you, and it will be soon.” The silhouette disappeared.

Ditzy: (Silhouette) Oh, by the way, are we still game for crochet club next Friday?

Celestia turned and walked back to her bedroom, ending the spell on the mirror. She walked onto her balcony overlooking Canterlot.

Ditzy: It was on fire.

Doctor: (Celestia) Oh for… I leave for five minutes and look what happens.

“I'm so sorry, Starlight....”

Ditzy: (Celestia) For getting drunk and losing you in a poker game.

Ditzy: That wasn’t so bad. It was way better than then the first story.

Doctor: Like that’s a high bar.

Ditzy: I just wish Star wasn’t such a blatant Sue.

Doctor: He’s still a better protagonist than Spike from Darkness of Love.

Ditzy: Pocket lint would be better protagonist than Spike from Darkness of Love.

Doctor: No argument here.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Doctor silently looked over his invention one more time while Ditzy looked on from behind him. He nodded and turned to Ditzy. “Are you ready?”

“Ready when you are.”

The Doctor nodded and hit a button attached to a panel. At first nothing happened, the two time travelers froze in anticipation. Then the machine started to shake, its roar and clattering pierced the silence. The unexpected noise unnerved Ditzy. “Uh, it is supposed to do…” Ditzy never got to finish her sentence as she suddenly found herself covered in a blue light. It only hit her through. The strange light missed the Doctor by a few hooves, then out of nowhere the machine exploded. For a minute Ditzy lost track of what happened. Ditzy found herself on the ground and felt dizzy and disoriented. She picked herself off of the ground the best she could and looked around. Debris and smoke covered the room, but the damage wasn’t too bad. The smoking hole stood what should have been the remains of the device. It made sense, the device was just a hologram, though how a hologram could cause all of this was beyond her. She could hear the Doctor moaning from a distance.

“Uh, that wasn’t supposed to happen.” He moaned while clutching his head. “Ditzy are you alright?”

“More or less in one piece.” Ditzy responded back. Her head was killing her.

“That’s a reli…” The Doctor froze in shock with his mouth hung open.

“What’s the matter?” Ditzy asked in concern.

“Ditzy! Yo-Your…” The Doctor stumbled out. “You’re human!”

“What? Don’t be…” She froze still when she looked at what was supposed to be her hoof and screamed. It was a grey hand. She screamed her head off.

It took a moment, but the Doctor got back to his senses. “Ditzy Doo! Get a hold of yourself!” He said sharply. It broke Ditzy out of her panic.

“What happened to me?!” Ditzy said trying to calm herself down.

“I’m…not sure.” The Doctor said hesitantly.

Ditzy crawled over to the Doctor and got into his face. “Turn me back now!” He shrunk at her gaze.

“Wha- What has happened here!?” The two time travelers heard Dinky exclaim over the speaker. “Mo-Ditzy what happened to you!?” Dinky demanded.

“The Doctor’s crazy machine turned me into…this!” Ditzy replied in an angry hysterical tone gesturing to herself.

“Now I assure you this wasn’t my intention.” The Doctor said defensively.

“Change her back now!” “Change me back now!” Dinky and Ditzy said in unison.

The Doctor coughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“That isn’t good enough!” Ditzy yelled.

“Yeah! That isn’t good enough!” Dinky yelled.

The Doctor was starting to get annoyed at everyone getting on his case. He was doing his best, shouldn’t that be enough?

After a few minutes Ditzy was able to calm herself, she decided got a good look at her. Her skin was grey like her old coat and her mane was blond. It was surreal seeing herself in this strange new body. She moved her hands back and forth while wiggling her fingers. It was mesmerizing.

“Well, this was unexpected.” Mr. X commented.

“How did this even happen?” Dinky asked. “Well Doctor?”

The Doctor coughed. “The machine’s purpose was to create a distraction with holograms that we would use to escape.”

“I fail to see why that would cause me to turn into a different species.” Ditzy said in a huff.

“I’m not sure, the theory was to use…” The Doctor went into a technical explanation that Ditzy tuned herself out of, as usual. Instead she thought about how she could use her new hands to create the muffins she promised Mr. X. She wouldn’t let her new form stop her from fulfilling a promise. She was brought out of her contemplation when the Doctor mentioned the power source of his machine.

“Magic. You used magic to power your invention?” Ditzy said incredulously.

“Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” The Doctor said awkwardly. “After all, I knew the magical field of the Earth was the only power source that couldn’t be tampered with.”

“Magic isn’t something to be played around with!” Dinky proclaimed angrily. “One of the first rules of dealing with magic is to not tamper with it unless you know exactly what you are doing. It can cause very unpredictable results.” Ditzy nodded in agreement.

“Hey, I happen to have a good grasp of its theories.” The Doctor said defensively. “The application of it I used seemed both sound and logical. I was right that a hologram could channel that energy. I don’t see why it failed, or even caused this effect in the first place.”

“That would be my fault.” Mr. X piped in.

“What?!” Dinky spat.

“When Xander analyzed the Doctor’s machine, it couldn’t understand it or its true function.” Mr. X explained. “Congrats Doctor. You created something even a supercomputer couldn’t understand.”

“So I manually switched around the components just before you active it.” It sounded like Mr. X shrugged. “I just wanted it to fail; I never thought it would actually do something.”

“It’s alight.” Dinky sighed. “Do you have a record of that contraption just before the Doctor actived it?”

“Yes we do.”

“Doctor, I will allow to look that machine you created to figure out a way to turn Ditzy back. However, if I catch you trying to use it to escape, by Celestia, I will make your life a living Tartarus. Do you understand?!”

“Perfectly.” The Doctor said simply.

“Get to it!” Dinky demanded.

The Doctor blinked as the machine appeared in front of him in an instant perfectly intact. He looked it over and whistled. “Impressive.”

“Doctor, I’ll see if we have any books on magical theory and accidents. They might help!” Ditzy wasn’t going to let the Doctor do all the work.

“Good idea.” The Doctor replied. He remembered seeing a few books about magic in that collection. “But first, we should get you something to wear.”

Ditzy blinked. “What?”

“It isn’t decent for you to go around like that.”

“I don’t follow you.”

The Doctor coughed. “Well, it isn’t appropriate for you to go around like that in your new form .” He gestured at Ditzy.

“Because…I’m naked?” Ditzy asked confused. “But I go naked all the time.”

“Yes, well…that’s true, but you’re human now. And…” Ditzy interrupted him.

“Does this have something to do with that weird nudity taboo humans have? I don’t see why that applies to me. Humans aren’t even around to get offended.”

“While is true that you do go naked most of the time, you’re human now and are more exposed now. Not having fur and everything.” The Doctor tried to explain. “And certain inappropriate bits are more on display now. I think it would better for everyone if you covered yourself up.”

Ditzy just looked at him confused and the Doctor just sighed. “For my sake please.”

“Oh fine.” Ditzy relented. She wasn’t sure why this form was embarrassing him so much. Even since she gained this new form, he was avoiding looking at her directly. Some human thing she guessed. “I’ll use the sheets for now.”

The Doctor nodded. “That should work just fine. I will see if I can get you something better for you latter.”

Ditzy groaned. The Doctor was going to insist that she wear clothing all the time until she changed back. What a pain. It took some effort but she was eventually able to get enough balance to walk on two legs to their room. She used a nearby wall to help balance her up until she was able to get enough balance on her own.

Before she got the sheets, Ditzy decided to get a good look at her image in the mirror in the bathroom first. Was she cute? Attractive? She couldn’t be too sure. “Probably not.” She thought bitterly then sighed. “As usual.” At least her eyes were their normal wall-eyed state. She took a strange comfort from that.

She took the sheets and made them into a makeshift toga. “This will have to do.” Ditzy thought then sighed. How she would ever get used to this she couldn’t imagine. She shook her head. “No point mopping to yourself about it. That would accomplish nothing.” She thought to herself. She steeled her resolve. She would get through this. Just like what the Doctor did when he turned into a pony. She just prayed this won’t be permanent.

As I was walking, I felt a strong magical energy coming at me. Turning, I saw Twilight's sister-in-law, Princess Cadence.

Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 13 - Part 2

Chapter 2- Still Haven't Learned

Doctor: How to write a good story.

Not a lot of ponies were left in the field,but the ones that were moved away from the stage as the wagon started to violently shake. I motioned my friends back and moved up to the stage, sword in hand.

Doctor: (Star) My reaction to anything I don’t know is attack first, ask questions later.

I reached up to open the door, and the wagon opened up in a burst of magic, knocking me backwards.

Doctor: Way to be on guard there Starlight.

“Ponies of Ponyville! The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned!”

All: (Deadpan) Yay.

A blue unicorn, a little lighter then Luna stepped out among a sparkle of lights.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, the lights were a little too bright and everypony was too blinded to pay much attention to her.

I flipped around in the air and hovered over, my friends trotting up to the stage.

“Oh great! It's her again!” I heard Rainbow said.

Doctor: (Trixie) You can all start your standing ovation for the Great and Powerful Trixie.

I flew down and hovered over my friends. “You know this unicorn?”

Ditzy: (Star) I hate her already.

Twilight glared at the prancing unicorn.

Ditzy: Trixie suddenly broke out into a song and dance number.

“She came here a couple of months earlier and brought a Ursa Minor into the town. Almost destroyed the whole place.”

Ditzy: Wait, what? It was Snip and Snails that did that!

Doctor: (Shakes head) Revisionist history.

I decided not to ask what that was, instead looking at the unicorn. “So, her name is Trixie?”

Doctor: (Trixie) Don’t talk as if Trixie isn’t standing here right in front of you!

As my friends nodded, the unicorn noticed us and stopped talking.

Doctor: (Trixie) Twilight Sparkle. The Great and Powerful Trixie saw that pathetic show you tried to perform earlier. Trixie found it to be rather embarrassing. Trixie is surprised you can even show you stupid face in public again.

I saw her visibly pale and crouch down.

Ditzy: (Trixie thinking) Okay, Trixie remain calm. Dazzle them with your presence.

“H-hi there.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Dang it! Real smooth Trixie.

I flew around the field, telling ponies to head on home

Doctor: (Trixie) Hey! That’s The Great and Powerful Trixie’s audience!

Ditzy: (Pony) Wonderful! Now what am I suppose to do with all this rotten fruit?

as my friends started talking to Trixie.

“What are you doing back here?” I heard Rainbow say.

Ditzy: Trixie points to a nearby sign advertising the carnival.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Oh...right.

“I decided to come grace Ponyville with my presence once again.” Trixie said.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Everypony knows that the Great and Powerful Trixie makes any story 20 percent better!

“I-um...” She stopped as I landed next to Fluttershy. “The truth is, I wanted to try again here.”

Ditzy: Weird, she isn’t talking in third person.

Doctor: Good, it’s makes her even more obnoxious

Ditzy: You aren’t Dr. Doom Trixie.

“What do you mean by trying again?” I asked.

Doctor: (Trixie) Trixie thought last time these country bumkins didn’t get to see the true majesty of the Great and Powerful Trixie!

“Last time I was here, I didn't make the best impression.” the blue unicorn said.

Ditzy: Understatement of the year.

“She brought a Ursa Minor into Ponyville and wasn't able to control it.” Twilight said.

Doctor: Except, she didn’t.

Ditzy: Who would do something as stupid as that?

I notcied that she had been glaring at Trixie this entire time. She must have seen my confused look because she said, “Think of a bear covered in stars.”

Ditzy: (Star) That doesn’t sound so bad.

Doctor: (Twilight) It was 20 hooves tall.

Ditzy: (Star) Oh.

“Ahh.” I said. I looked back at the unicorn. “So, why are you back?” I asked kindly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) You dunderhead! Didn’t Trixie just explain that a few moments ago?

“Just as I said. I wanted to try again.” Trixie said. “I'm tired of being alone. I've traveled all over Equestria being a stage pony. I heard about the crowning about a month ago and started back here.

Doctor: (Trixie) You’re lucky, The Great and Powerful Trixie rarely grants her presence to princes.

Maybe-maybe I could stay here for a while?”

Doctor: (Twilight) Are you hiding from debt collector?

Ditzy: (Trixie) N-no! Don’t be ridiculous. Why would a pony as famous and successful as The Great and Powerful Trixie have debts?

The ponies looked at me expectantly.

Doctor: (Star) Why does everypony look at me to make decisions? Can’t you make them yourselves?

I sighed, knowing I was going to make at least one of my friends upset with me. “Trixie, I don't know much about what happened before, but as long as you don't bring another giant bear to trash the place, you can stay.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Foal. Like Trixie would use an Ursa to get her revenge.

Trixie's face lit up and she hugged me. She then backed off, realizing who she was hugging.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Trixie’s sorry! Don’t banish Trixie to the moon. Don’t banish Trixie to the moon. Don’t banish Trixie to the moon.

“Oh thank you Prince!” She lit up her horn and started moving her wagon away.

Ditzy: (Star) Why doesn’t her wagon have wheels?

I told my friends to head home to get some rest.

All: (Mane 6 robotic) Yes Star, we must do whatever you say.

As I was about to take off,

Ditzy: Wait, not token mention of Trixie turning Rarity’s mane green? Rarity almost left Trixie to die in Guardians of Magic for doing that.

Twi tugged on my shirt.

Doctor: (Star) Gah! Can’t you call out to me next time? You almost choked me to death.

“Why did you let her stay?!” she said, seething.

Doctor: (Twilight) You should have thrown her out and humiliated her!

I stepped back, surprised by the force of her anger. “I don't think it's bad to give everypony a chance.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) You’re such a naive foal.

Doctor: (Star muttering) So much for the Magic of Friendship.

“She has some evil reason to be here, Starlight.” Twilight said. “I can feel it oozing from her.”

Ditzy: No, I think that is just the odor of somepony that hasn’t bathed in a few weeks.

I cocked my head. “Are you sure it's not just because you're still mad at her?”

Twilight snorted. “No. It isn't.”

Doctor: (Twilight) You would think after the wedding incident, ponies would trust my judgement more! But no, of course they don’t! (In a deep voice) Oh Twilight, you’re just being silly. Trixie isn’t after revenge after you humiliated her and ruined her career. You are just letting you imagination get the better of you. (Regular voice) Gah!

She started walking away. “Are you coming back to the house?”

“I'll teleport inside so you don't need to wait up.” I said. She nodded and walked off with Spike.

Doctor: (Twilight) Spike! Go to the Watcher’s Spy & Grocery store downtown. We are going to keep a close eye on this Trixie.

I sighed, knowing that I wasn't heading back to the house. Whenever Twilght was in one of her moods,

Ditzy: (Star) I’m never going to get any sleep with all that pacing she is going to do.

I would just sleep on the cloud that Rainbow and I had made.

Doctor: (Spike) What about me? Don’t leave me alone with her like this!

Before I shot into the sky, I flew around, making sure the field was clean.

Doctor: Starlight was big on community service.

After the sweep I headed off into the air.

The sky was beautiful. Luna's moon was full tonight, lighting up the night. I looked at the stars. “They seem fine already.” I thought. “How do I represent that part of the sky?” I reached the cloud and sat, thinking about the day.

Ditzy: He could still feel all the wild rides Celestia dragged him to.

Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me. “Thought you were at Twilight's.” Rainbow flew around and sat next to me.

“She's mad at me because of how I dealt with Trixie.” I explained.

Ditzy: (Twilight) You could have at least burned her wagon down.

“I come and sleep here whenever she's upset.

Doctor: (Star) I rather not be pelted by books by accident. She tends to throw them around when angry.

Rainbow nodded. “If you want, you can stay with me tonight.”

Doctor: (Star) A couch does sound pretty good.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That isn’t quite what I meant. I mean stay with me tonight.

Doctor: (Star) Aren’t I already doing that?

Ditzy: (Rainbow)(sighs)

“You sure?” I asked. “I'd rather not be in the way.”

She nodded. “Why not? Come on!” She took off and I followed.

At Rainbow's, she disappeared into another room as I changed in her bedroom. I looked around in wonder.

Doctor: (Star) You think she has enough pictures of the Wonderbolts? They’re even on the ceiling!

I hadn't been in Cloudsdale ever since the day that Rainbow had taken me on a quick tour.

Doctor: I thought she lived in Ponyville.

So I was in wonder at her house, being made completely out of clouds. It truly was a beautiful house. Buuut, not as beautiful as the mare that walked in front of me.

Doctor: Star started drooling and howling like a wolf.

She sat next to me and said, “Apparently, by the look of awe on your face, you like what you see.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Do you like my new socks? I bought them just for you.

Doctor: What is it with you ponies and socks? There is nothing exciting about them.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Oh Doctor.

I closed my mouth, then proceeded to open it in a yawn. “Why not? You are a very likeable mare.”

She punched me,

Doctor: (Star) Really officer, she loves me! She just has a funny way of showing it!

then kissed me.

Ditzy: Is she bipolar?

“Come on Prince. We're both tired.”

We climbed into the bed and laid down under the covers. I wrapped my arms around my mate

Ditzy: Ugh. Star is way too young for this.

Doctor: I feel really unclean.

and relaxed. “Starlight?” she said.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Do you ever feel like crying and don't know why?

“Hmmm?” I responded.

“When should we tell everypony about us?” she asked.

Ditzy: In a few years when Starlight is legal?

I was quiet for a moment. “Whenever you're ready to.”

Ditzy: (Star) Me though? I would yell it from the highest mountain.

I felt her relax and then I heard her breathe deeply, signaling that she was asleep. I laid my head down and also fell asleep.

…

8 Months Before

Doctor: Ah, the good old days. Before I even knew of this awful fic.

Celestia stood her ground in front of Nightmare Moon. “Come on now, Princess. I already have your sister. Just tell me where you sent the little prince and we can all be a family again.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) Just think of all the baseball games I have missed over the millennia.

“Never!” Celestia said. Her horn glowed brightly.

Nightmare Moon laughed. “Come now. It's been a thousand years, not to mention the 6 I've waited. I don't need to wait any longer. You might find me a little less......playful.” At the last part, she narrowed her eyes.

Celestia's horn fizzled out. “Leave Starlight out of this. He's perfectly fine where he is.”

Doctor: Right now, Star is getting the third swirly of the day.

“I just want to know where he is.” The evil alicorn said. “He deserves a few birthday presents.”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I bought him one of these newfangled music players devices that is popular nowadays.

Suddenly Nightmare's horn flashed and shot at Celestia. It hit her in the horn and stunned her. When Nightmare ended the spell, Celestia fell to the ground, unconscious.

Ditzy: Poor Princess Celestia. This keeps happening to her.

Nightmare walked up and looked at the fallen alicorn. “It would be so easy for me to take over now.

Doctor: (Nightmare) But I’m a short sighted cliche villain so I won’t.

But I have bigger and better things in mind for Equestria.

Doctor: (Nightmare) The economy has been staggering for years.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I have a space program planned.

Enjoy the last few months of your rule.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) And the constant riots and revolts cursing your name.

After you have your sister back, I'll have your brother very soon after.” She suddenly disappeared.

Ditzy: She’s been abducted by aliens!

Celestia stirred and raised her head, “You won't find him for quite a while...

Doctor: I have to admit, hiding him in an alternate dimension was actually a solid plan.The infinite amount to dimension out there makes it very hard to catch on to his trail.

Ditzy: So, how did Nightmare find him exactly?

…

About 3 days later, I helped Fluttershy

Ditzy: Wait, if Luna was captured by Nightmare Moon, why is she free now?

Doctor: Luna is a spy!

lead a group of rabbits to a carrot field that we had been growing. “Thank you, Starlight. This is really good for them.” the quiet pegasus said.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I’m sure Carrot Top won’t mind.

“I should hope so.” I said. “Took me forever to get the right seeds for this.”

Ditzy: (Star) I had to go on a huge trading quest just to get the stupid things.

Fluttershy nodded. “I-I should be able to handle it now, unless you want to stay.”

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I can think of a good way to rewarda certain hero for helping me out.

I rubbed Fluttershy's head. “It's okay. I'm going to see how Rarity's holding up with the order I gave her." I flew off, waving to my friend.

Doctor: (Star) This dress is going to make me so pretty and cute.

Luna had asked me to ask Rarity if she could do an express order of dresses for her. Rarity had been working very hard to complete it, so I was surprised to have convinced her to attend the carnival last night. Landing at her shop, I was going to head on in.....before I heard a crash in the town. I quickly flew to where I heard the crash, and gasped at what I saw.

Ditzy: (Star) Two strange white pods crashed in the middle of the town.

Author Note: Sorry for the wait!

Doctor: No, it’s alright. Take your time.

Writer's block sucks! Expect to see more constant updates and thanks for reading!!!

‘

Doctor: Seeing how we are doing both Book 3 and 4 today, I’m not confident about that claim.

Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 13 - Part 3

Chapter 3- Star-crossed and Moonlit.

Spike was Twilight's assistant at her library. He was a purple baby dragon with green spikes. He and I had bonded rather quickly after my landing in Equestria.

Doctor: It happened off screen. Just take our word for it.

Being a baby, he only reached up to about the middle of my legs.

Ditzy: Hey! Spike is really sensitive about that!

So imagine my surprise when I flew to Twilight's and saw my dragon friend as big as the house.

Doctor: Puberty hit Spike hard and fast.

He seemed to be screaming in pain,

Doctor: (Spike) Gah, hit my shin on a lamp post.

so I dashed over to him.

“Spike?! What happened to you?!” I yelled. I reached out and could feel that a spell had been used on him.

Ditzy: A mustache spell gone horribly wrong.

Spike turned and seeing me, decided to blast me in the chest with a green fireball. “Whaaaaa!”

Ditzy: (Spike) Screw you! I’m the main character now!

I yelled, slamming into the ground.

Doctor: (Star) And no, that high pitch scream I gave did not sound like a girl’s.

I heard Twilight yelling at me. “Starlight! Drain it!”

Drain? Oh, his magic! It was a constant spell, like when Gilda had messed with Twilight to drain her magic. I leapt up and tapped into Twilight's cutie mark, turning my clothes purple.

“Stay back, Twi!” I yelled, then shot into the sky.

…

Twilight had heaved a big sigh of relief after the prince had arrived.

Ditzy: Twilight was counting on Star’s Sue powers to fix everything.

Not only did that mean that Spike would be alright, but she was free to do her next task.

Doctor: Reorganizing the library.

Yelling at Trixie.

“What were you thinking?!” she yelled at the blue unicorn.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Trixie just doesn't know what went wrong!

“He volunteered to help me Twilight.” she said.

Doctor: (Trixie) All he wanted was to be taller to impress some mare.

“I must have accidentally overcharged the spell.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Magic wand, make my monster grow!

Twilight was furious. “He doesn't understand that much about magic yet!

Doctor: That has nothing to do with the current situation.

Ditzy: Wait, why would a simple growth spell make him go crazy and violent?

The last time this happened he almost destroyed all of Ponyville! Now you go and make him giant again?!” The two unicorns flinched as Starlight flew past them and slammed into the ground.

Doctor: (Star) Gah, that didn’t work. Any other ideas Twilight?

He had a blue line of magic leading from Spike to his hand. Spike seemed to be growing smaller also.

“Not too much longer now!” he yelled to them, flying back up. Twilight turned back to the unicorn.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Thanks to you half of the library is on fire!

Doctor: (Trixie) Think of it this way, it gives you a good excuse to remodel.

“Well sense you are the all-powerful Twilight, maybe YOU should go help him instead of making the prince do it.”

All: She’s got you there.

Twilight scoffed,

Doctor: (Twilight) What makes you think the author would actually let me do anything? I’m not the main character.

“I wouldn't of cast that spell anyway!” She stopped talking, trying to relax as a fireball almost hit her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Maybe we shouldn’t bicker near a rampaging dragon.

“You just need to relax around here, Trixie. Don't make me try to get you on a magic restraint.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Luckily I happen to have one in my room!

Doctor: (Trixie) Why do you even have one of those?

Ditzy: (Twilight) Um, er...research! That’s it!

Trixie gave a mocking laugh. “Oh look at the great Twilight. Just because you're the princess's student and the prince lives in your house, you think that you're better then anypony. Well, let me tell you something.” She walked closer to Twilight in a almost threatening matter. “Someday a unicorn is gonna show up that you aren't stronger then. Then what are you going to do?”

Doctor: Stand on sidelines while Starlight does all the work?

Ditzy: You seem to care more about fighting with Trixie instead of helping Spike. You are the worst friend!

“Learn their secrets.” Twilight said in a dangerously calm voice.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I would take their dark powers for myself and bring them and the world to their knees!

The two unicorns continued to stare each other down.

Doctor: Only to go flying when a stray fireball hit them.

They both turned to the side as they heard a explosion. Spike suddenly shrunk down to the ground, and apparently the blast of magic had been so strong it had blown Starlight clear though Twilight's bedroom window.

Doctor: This could have been avoided if you were paying attention and caught Star with your magic.

Twilight winced as she heard crashing inside the house.

Doctor: (Twilight) My poor poor books!

Ditzy: (Star) What about me?!

Suddenly, the prince burst out the front door and landed infront of them, completely unconscious. His clothes changed back to their blue colors.

Doctor: (Sighs) Again?

Ditzy: It’s like he can’t do anything with being knocked unconscious.

Spike slowly walked up to them and looked at Twilight. “I know you're mad, and you have a right to be, but can you chastise me later? Tired....” He passed out next to Starlight.

Twilight angrily stamped her hoof. “Nice job, Trixie. You've been here 3 days and you successfully knocked out the prince and almost destroyed the town using my dragon assistant.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Not so bad if Trixie says so herself.

Trixie shook her mane, “Well, I can't say that my experiment wasn't a success.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Next time we can cast it on the pink one’s alligator and have them fight one another.

“No. You can't” Twi said. “Because it failed.”

“Why you.....” Trixie started.

Ditzy: For Celestia’s sake! Stop fighting and help Spike and Star already!

“SILIENCE!” Both of the mares jumped and bowed down as Princess Luna landed next to them.

All: Thank you!

Wait, Twilight thought. Princess Luna was HERE. In the DAY. This can't be good.

Ditzy: And she gets really cranky if she doesn’t get at least 7 hours of sleep.

“Twilight Sparkle.” Luna started. “We were coming to visit our brother when we sensed very powerful magic here. Now, my brother is unconscious on the ground with thy dragon assistant. We wish to know what transpired here.”

Ditzy: I wonder if Twilight can explain this without sounding crazy and paranoid.

Twilight visibly paled and started to speak. “Well Princess. Trixie was attempting to cast a growing spell. She used it on Spike, but because she didn't ASK,”

Doctor: (Trixie) Trixie doesn’t see why she has to ask you to do anything. You aren’t Trixie’s keeper!

here she glared at Trixie, “she didn't know that growing that suddenly would trigger his natural dragon instincts. Basically, to destroy everything.”

Ditzy: I thought it was to hoard everything.

Doctor: Dragons aren’t that violent normally.

“I did get his permission first, your highness.” Trixie chimed in.

Doctor: Alright, that settles it then.

“Quite...” Luna said, thinking. She pointed her horn at her brother and channeled her magic to effectively restore the energy he had lost. He stirred, then slowly opened his eyes and stood up.

Ditzy: OhheyLuynawhatareyoudoinghereIthoughtyouwereasleepwaitisSpikeokohthereheisthat’sgoodandhereIthoughthemightbehurtboyIamhungryIfeelthinkIcouldeatahouseTwilightdowestillhavethoseleftoverhayfriesyesgoodwouldyouliketojoinmeLunaIwillputonsometea.

Doctor: (Luna) We think we might have overdone it a little bit.

“Boy, for being the so-called “Most Powerful Alicorn Ever,” I sure don't know much about magic.” he said, half-joking.

Doctor: (Star) Maybe I should take Twilight up on those magic lessons...nah.

His eyes slightly widened as he saw his sister. “Luna? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be sleeping about now?”

“We thought that you could use some help here.” Luna said.

Ditzy: Seeing how nopony else seems to be willing to lend a hoof to help.

She saw that Starlight noted that she was talking in the royal speech, but she very slightly shook her head. Seeing him acknowledge not to mention it she said, “Twilight Sparkle, take your dragon inside and take care of him.

Ditzy: Um, why can’t you just restore him back to health too?

Trixie, return to thy home, We must talk with our brother.” As both mare started to do what they were told, Luna turned to Starlight. “Come,” she said, flying off, Starlight not far behind.

Doctor: (Luna) Come, Donut Joe’s awaits us!

…

Luna and I were walking down the road that led from Ponyville, her initiating the conversation. “Truthfully, I should be asleep, brother. But I did want to talk to you.”

“Why were you using your royal voice?” I asked.

Ditzy: (Star) It feels like my ears are bleeding.

“I thought that you didn't talk like that after the Nightmare Night that Twilight told me about.”

“I was rather aggravated, having to wake up in the day.

Doctor: (Luna) And we have not had our cappuccino yet.

Seeing you have to deal with that spell drove me over the edge.” Luna said. “You had to deal with things like this before?”

Doctor: (Star) Oh yes, last week Sontarans invaded Ponyville.

“I had to stop Rainbow's old friend from taking over the town.”

Ditzy: Wait, what?! I thought she was trying to kidnap you to make you her love slave.

I said, avoiding the real reason.

Ditzy: Oh, nevermind.

Luna smiled, “I know what you went though,brother.” she said. “I just wish I could help you more.”

Doctor: (Luna) We know! We shall craft you the finest armor known to ponykind! We have been looking for an excuse to reopen our forge!

We walked in silence for a bit. “Starlight. We need to talk about our sister.”

“Celestia?” I asked. “What about her?”

Ditzy: (Luna) We need to get her on a diet. Lately she had been indulging on too many sweets. It worries us.

“I believe that she is hiding something from us, or more importantly, you.” she said.

Ditzy: (Star) (Gasps) Are you suggesting that...she might be in league with Nightmare Moon and is secretly trying to build an empire so she can take over the world!?

Doctor: (Luna) Nothing so drastic.You are letting your imagination run wild.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“After you landed here, Celestia contacted me immediately for me to return to Canterlot.” Luna said.

Doctor: (Luna) We were on vacation at Trottsylvania visiting with old friends.

“But when you were on your way here with Rainbow Dash the day of your coronation, we sensed that Nightmare was attacking you. My first impulse was to come to your rescue, but Celestia wouldn't allow me.”

I knew that neither of my sisters would have left me to myself if I had been in danger.

Doctor: Except, that is exactly what they did.

“Why do you think she wouldn't let you help me?”

“She said it was because I was weaker in the daytime

Doctor: Now that is a bold face lie.

and that if she left, the ponies would worry. She also said that it was your test.” Luna said.

Ditzy: (Luna) She said thee got a C+.

“Personally, I am glad that you beat Nightmare on your own. It would have been a rather “harsh” ending to the day if you had been captured.”

Ditzy: Yeah, and Prince being captured? That is so cliche!

“Don't I know it.” I said. “Luna? When she possessed you, what happened exactly?”

My older sister thought for a moment. “I was horribly jealous of Celestia. That gave her the power to possess me, my own darkness. I felt much stronger and Nightmare was guiding me...to overthrow Celestia.

Doctor: (Luna) And we had no idea what we were thinking trying to send Equestria into night eternal. Nothing would grow and everypony would starve to death.

When I had been banished for that thousand years, I fought Nightmare for control. I had weakened her enough for the Elements of Harmony to remove her from me. But it isn't enough, we need a way to eradicate her forever.”

Ditzy: This looks like a job for the Orkin Pony!

I rubbed my right arm, where my true cutie mark was. It was a beautiful star with light beaming from it. Above it was a sun and below it was a moon, symbolizing that I had Cutie Stamped my sisters.

Ditzy: Hey, that means he can shoot solar beams if he wants to. That’s cool. Once the Princess used one to destroyed a Dalek in one hit!

“This stamping thing is more trouble then it's worth.” I said, slightly annoyed.

Doctor: (Star) Seriously, who wants the power to create overgrown produce!?

“And maybe I should just walk around as a pony all the time.”

Ditzy: Being humanoid is overrated.

Luna forcefully shook her head. “No, the stamp is your greatest weapon against Nightmare.

Doctor: (Luna) Carrots are Nightmare Moon’s greatest weakness.

In fact, I think you unlocked some of the marks true powers.”

Ditzy: Level up!

She inspected the hand that had my friends marks on it. “The butterflies indicate that you will, control butterflies when you have that active.

Doctor: That is the worst power.

Ditzy: That’s Fluttershy’s true power?!

The rainbow cloud means that you will control electricity and the apples mean that you will control farm foods.”

Doctor: Really.

Ditzy: I can’t believe you’re serious about that.

“So what was the deal with them before?” I asked.

“When this ability was more common long ago, many ponies could not fully control their powers. Thus, the marks would go int a “panic” mode and do random things,

Doctor: The world almost didn’t recover.

but it would tie into what the mark actually symbolized.”

Doctor: I am not even going to bother trying to analyze that.

I was quiet. Luna had given me a lot to think about.

Ditzy: (Star) But that can wait for later, ‘Two and a Half Stallions’ is on.

“Starlight, I don't want you to doubt what Celesta’s plan is for you. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, just look to the moon.”

Doctor: (Luna) We have a country home there.

“Thanks, sis.” I said.

She smiled and lightly punched me.

Doctor: Unfortunately, it was a punch from an alicorn so he went through a wall.

“We will figure out how to uncurse your body, but for now it's better that you have a way to wield your sword.”

Ditzy: What is wrong with using his magic or hooves?

She gave a huge yawn then.

Doctor: Great, now everyone else will start yawning and feeling tired too.

“Go get some sleep sis.” I said. “And thank you.”

Luna nodded and lifted off into the sky toward Canterlot. When she was gone, I thought about what had happened in the past month. Landing in Equestria, meeting the Mane 6, becoming the prince....

Ditzy: It’s only been a month? Huh.

“Man,” I thought. “This really is my home.”

Doctor: (Star) I can’t help but feel I’m forgetting something or someone...nah, it’s probably not important.

I turned to start walking back to Ponyville, and got shot in the chest with magic. Hitting the ground I saw....Trixie. “Hey! What the buck are you doing?” I yelled.

Ditzy: (Star) Twilight’s paranoid ravings were right for once?

“Awful sorry about this, Prince. No hard feelings?” She said, then disappeared. I stood up, and saw Nightmare Moon.

Ditzy: Trixie is in league with Nightmare Moon?!

All: DUN DUN DUN!

“Well then, it's been quite a while.” she said. “How have you been?”

“I'll be a lot better after you're gone!” I snarled, summoning Stormtide.

Doctor: (Nightmare hurt) That was just mean Prince. I just wanted to make polite conversation.

“Oh, you naive little alicorn.” Nightmare said. “I hope you know that I'm not going to play nice anymore. We have a lot to talk about when I get you back.”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) We can do each others manes and paint our hooves.

“Back where...Ahh!” I stared before getting blasted to the ground again. I used a simple teleportating spell to warp above Nightmare, kicking her in the head.

Doctor: (Shakes head) Instead of using it to run away.

She gracefully landed on the ground,

Doctor: (Pulls out a sign with an 8 on it)

Ditzy: (Shows a sign with a 9 on it)

where then I beaned her in the head with a magic bolt. I landed and switched to Rainbow's cutie mark. Rainbow colored electricity danced around my body. “Well, this is new.” I said.

Doctor: (Star) You could say I’m all charged up.

Nightmare recovered and flew at me, turned to buck me in the chest. I spun though the air and stopped upside down. I sparked my hand and shocked Nightmare's legs, making her shudder and unable to move. I landed, summoned Stormtide backhanded and rose upward, braining Nightmare in the head. As she flew upwards, I sparked my hands and blasted her again. She rose above me and started shooting magic at me. My speed enhanced by the mark, I dodged them all with ease,

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash’s mark is so haxed compared to everypony’s elses.

then shot above her. I pointed my hand her like a gun and basically sniped her between the wings, sending her to the ground.

Ditzy: Spirit Gun!

I fell then, slamming in front of her and proceeded to beat the living hay out of her.

Doctor: Ah, she was a living scarecrow all along!

I punched and kicked her as hard as I could.

Ditzy: (Star whiny) Take this and that. I gonna get you!

She sparked her horn and a dark blast of magic came out, knocking me away from her.

I summoned Stormtide again and rushed her, stabbing her deep in the shoulder. She roared and whipped around, kicking me in the head. Dizzy, I backed off. She looked at me, clearly upset in all the times I've seen her.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I just want to turn you into a dark lord to bring in a new age of darkness. Why do you have to be so difficult?

“Enough playing for now.” she said softly. She stepped back and launched a small ball of magic in front of her. It suddenly zoomed at me and slammed into my chest. It exploded, draining ALL the energy from my body.

Ditzy: (Star) Opps, forgot you could do that.

I felt the worst pain I'd ever felt

Doctor: (Star) And kids at school used to beat me daily!

and fell to the ground, Stormtide desummoning. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Nightmare walking up and saying, “We are going to have a lot of fun, Prince......”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I have Candyland in the castle!

Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 13 - Part 4

Chapter 4-The End of Pretending

Doctor: That the author still cares about this story.

Rainbow flew toward Twilight's house, worried. Starlight and her were supposed to hang out at the race track on Cloudsdale about 3 hours ago.

Doctor: And in Rainbow Dash time that was like 18 hours!

But, she hadn't seen him since yesterday. Rainbow knew that Starlight was busy,

Doctor: With...what exactly? It isn’t like he goes to school.

Ditzy: Prince stuff I guess.

but he was never late to anything without at least arriving and explaining if he would have to cancel. “I bet Twilight roped him into doing some magic experiments.” she fumed. “And he's so considerate that he won't ask to leave.”

Doctor: (Star) What are you doing with that drill?!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh this? I want to see what’s in that head of yours. Don’t worry! I plan on using Anesthesia. It won’t hurt a bit!

Doctor: (Star) Oh… If it’s for science, then I guess it’s ok.

Rainbow shook her head. “He's like Fluttershy, except that he looks like a human and carries a sword.”

Ditzy: So not like her at all then.

As Twilight's house came into view, she shot toward it.

Landing, she knocked on the door, Twilight answering. “Hello, Rainbow. What's going on?”

Doctor: (Twilight) And how many times do I have to tell ponies this is a public library so they don’t need to knock.

Rainbow slightly tilted her head. “Hey, Twi. Is the prince here?”

Twilight shook her head, “Nope, he left with Princess Luna after I had a little “incident' with Trixie.”

Doctor: (Twilight) I was too busy yesterday setting up hidden cameras around Ponyville to notice him. I spent the entire night watching Trixie sleep to make sure she didn’t try anything.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Twilight...you’re starting to scare me.

Rainbow turned around, thinking. “Why such a big deal, Dash?

Ditzy: Twilight, Starlight is a minor. You should be worried about his location. Didn’t Princess Celestia make you his caretaker?

You act like you have to know where he is all the time.”

Doctor: (Twilight) I’m starting to think Star needs a restraining order.

“What makes you think that?” Rainbow asked, whipping around to face Twilight.

“Well,” Twilight slightly hesitated. “Ever since what happened with Gilda, you're with him all the time.”

Ditzy: Well, he is going through a hard time. He’s still traumatised over killing somepony.

Rainbow paled, hoping her friend didn't notice. “I-I just like to hang out with him.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) He’s the only pony I know that has a PS4.

“Are you sure it isn't anything else?” Twilight asked with a smile.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m not sleeping with him!

Doctor: (Twilight) Uh, what?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Er, what I mean is I only think of him as a friend.

“No.” Rainbow said as calm as she could. “Sorry to rush Twilight, but I need to go. See you later.” She lifted off and flew in the direction of Cloudsdale.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Phew, I don’t think she suspects a thing.

…

Twilight shook her head as the pegasus flew off. “There's something she's not telling about her and Starlight, but it's not my business.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Her face was red the entire time, I wonder if she is coming down with something.

Shutting the door, she turned to return to her book when she heard a knock today. “Hmm, wonder why I'm so popular today.” she said.

Doctor: (Twilight) The library is lucky to get 3 or 4 patrons a day!

Opening the door, she saw Trixie standing there. “Oh, hello Trixie.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Just who I wanted to see to brighten my day.

“Surely you haven't forgotten our outing today, Twilight.” The blue unicorn said. “You said that you would help me gather some herbs in the Everfree Forest to use for my magic.”

Ditzy: Oh, you have an embarrassing condition and don’t want Twilight to know about it.

Twilight inwardly sighed, remembering that she had indeed said that.

Ditzy: (Twilight) How much did I drink last night to say that?

Now Twilight was still upset with Trixie for what had happened with Spike, but she never broke her word.

Doctor: (Twilight) It gives me the perfect chance to interrogate Trixie undisturbed. Hehehe.

“Sure, Trixie. Are you ready to go?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Um, Trixie can’t but notice you are bringing an unusually large amount of things to just pick herbs.

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh Trixie, don’t worry your silly little head over that.

“Yes!”, she exclaimed. “Let's head out to the forest!” Twilight quickly checked on Spike, who was sleeping and left the house with Trixie.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Perfect. No witnesses.

…

Princess Luna was sitting with her sister, Celesta in the dining room. “So, were you able to diffuse the situation in Ponyville?” Celestia asked.

Doctor: (Luna)(Dejected) No, Stary took care of it before I could. We really wanted to show off after regaining our powers.

Luna nodded. “Starlight had it taken care of before I arrived. He passed out from the strain, so I gave him a little of my power.”

Celestia nodded as they sat in silence for a while. “Sister, Starlight is not immortal, is he?”

Doctor: Why does everyone think that is a badthing? Immortality isn’t that great a deal.

Celestia nodded as Luna continued. “Then it is as worse as I thought. I've been having, nightmares.

Ditzy: Huh, who protects Princess Luna from dreams?

About me....letting her back in.”

Doctor: (Luna) Do thee have any idea of how much of a horrible roommate she is!? She never cleans, is always late on her part of the rent, snores, lays around the apartment all day, plays never ending loud music, and holds random parties without tell me! The mare is a menace!

“Don't worry.” Celestia said. “That will never happen again. Starlight can more then handle her.”

Ditzy: Given his track record….well...

“Stop putting everything on him!” Luna suddenly snapped.

Ditzy: Yeah, seriously! It’s like everypony expects him to do everything!

Doctor: It’s tough being a Sue character.

Celesta’s eyes widened, but she remained quiet. “We are expecting too much of him! He even told me today how he doesn't understand how he is supposed to be so strong!

Doctor: Maybe if you actually taught him something....

We should be the ones fighting Nightmare, not Starlight! He needs time to mature his magic.”

Doctor: (Luna) At least give him a few centuries!

“Are we sure that is isn't already mature?” Celestia asked softly,

Ditzy: (Celestia) He’s already started smoking. What is more stalliony and mature than that?

knowing how Luna could be when she was upset. “You've seen what he can do!

Doctor: That’s what we are afraid of.

“You can't look at him in a fight and honestly think that he planned every spell he was going to use.” Luna said. “He was still in panic mode for all of the marks he had!

Ditzy: (Luna) We fired wildly destroying everything in his path!

This isn't fair to him!” As Celestia looked at her with love, the princess of the night looked down.

Doctor: (Luna) You are the worst Princess.

“Luna.” Celestia said, walking over and hugging her sister. “I want nothing more then for Starlight to be safe.

Doctor: (Celestia) But I think recklessly throwing him into danger is the best for him.

“Then why isn't he here?” Luna asked. “We are here, we could keep him safe.”

Ditzy: (Luna) This is one of the reasons we made that safe house deep in the frozen tundra in the first place!

A realization suddenly came to her. “It's me, isn't it? You're afraid that if I tried to fight Nightmare, I would give in again.”

Doctor: The lure of a free watch and pen might be too much.

Celestia took a deep breath and looking into the eyes of her sister. “Luna, I was never sure how much of Nightmare's influence was left on you when the Elements of Harmony freed you.

Ditzy: The manic laughter Luna gave off sometimes when happy didn’t help much.

I couldn't think of anyway to keep you safe.”

Luna sighed. “Don't worry about me sister. We need to give Starlight the choice to where he wants to be.

Doctor: Let him be the ballerina he’s always wanted to be.

Putting him virtually on the front lines isn't truly fair.”

Doctor: At least give him more than a shirt for protection.

“That was a mistake on my part.” Celestia said. “I need to tell him the truth. I will go write a letter to Twilight....”

Ditzy: Now maybe Spike can finally enter the story. It’s complete forgotten him until now.

Suddenly all the lights in the room went out, then lit back up with a strange blue tone.

Doctor: Don’t be so dramatic. It’s just the emergency lights.

A swirling cloud of darkness appeared in front of the two princesses then dispersed, revealing none other then Nightmare Moon. As the two sisters gasped and prepared to blast Nightmare into oblivion,

Ditzy: Huh, so I guess they don’t need Star after all.

she stopped them by holding up her hoof. “Unless you wish to never see your brother again, you probably should calm your magic.”

Ditzy: Unfortunately, they shot her down before she could finish that sentence.

Celestia barely stopped her spell as Luna's spell shot forward and struck the dark alicorn in the shoulder. Nightmare yawned, “Hmm, I'll have to hurt your brother for that one.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) Have you ever heard of… The Cake Song!

“Where is he?!” Luna yelled.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) In the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sis..doh!

“Oh you relax.” Nightmare said, sitting. “He's fine...for now. I really came to talk to you two.”

Doctor: (Nightmare) Have a nice chat over a cup of tea.

“What could you want?” Celestia said, barely keeping her composure.

Ditzy: She started fidgeting and her eye twitched.

“Well, I could go on about how I want eternal night and all that, but I want something different. You see, night is good and all but I've been finding myself rather enjoying the daytime.

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I have developed an affinity for beach volleyball.

So, I want you and Luna over there to give up your positions as rulers and hand it over to me.” Nightmare explained.

Doctor: (Celestia) Ok.

Ditzy: (Luna and Nightmare) What!?

Doctor: (Celestia) I have been looking for an excuse to give up the throne for years! Acapulco here I come!

“You can't really believe that would happen.” Luna scoffed. “Besides, you don't have the strength to raise the sun.”

Ditzy: (Nightmare) I could if I wanna!

“I might not, but I believe little Starlight does. Or maybe it was my imagination that saw the sun on his hand? Kinda looks like that.” At this, she pointed at Celesta’s cutie mark.

“He doesn’t know how to use it.” Celesta said, struggling.

Ditzy: She was foaming at the mouth and ready to charge.

“He will.” Nightmare turned her back on the alicorns. “Oh by the way..” she started. “In case you're thinking that he'll just be able to escape me, remember this. You two might be immortal, but I don't think that Starlight's there yet.”

Ditzy: Ha! The Doctor and I aren’t immortal and we escape all the time!

Laughing, the dark clouds swirled around her and she disappeared.

Luna unfurled her wings. “We need to go help him, sister!”

Celestia nodded, “Stay here, Luna. I will go help him.”

Ditzy: Alright! Celestia is going to go and kick flank!

Doctor: Finally.

Luna quickly flew out the door before Celestia reached it. “No. Ponies will wonder if you suddenly just leave the castle.

Ditzy: I don’t know. Just tell them you need milk or something.

It won't be a problem if I go and take care of this.”

Doctor: (Luna) You’re a princess and a ruler! You shouldn’t be going out doing exciting things!

Celestia slowly nodded.

All: (Sighs) Nevermind.

“Good luck, Luna.”

Doctor: Well that was easy.

Ditzy: I thought she was worried about Nightmare Moon’s influence.

As her sister flew off, Celestia ran toward her room. She needed to write a letter.

Ditzy: To A.K. Yearling, it was about a cool slash fanfic she wrote about Daring Do.

Ditzy: So that’s it?

Doctor Seems so. I figured this would happen.

Ditzy: Writer’s block. The destroyer to many stories. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

Doctor: Now it is time for…(sighs) The Legend of Starlight-Book 4: To Love and to Lust…

Ditzy: Did the author write a porno spoof of The Legend of Starlight?

All: …

Ditzy: Dear Celestia! What have we gotten ourselves into!?

Doctor: (Groans) Oh boy…

Dinky: Don’t worry. It isn’t what you think. I won’t do that to you.

All: (Sighs in relief)

Dinky: It’s still terrible though.

Doctor: That was kinda a given.

Ditzy: It is still better than the alternative.

Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 4 - Part 1

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 13 - Part 5

Chapter 1- A Royal Morning

The sun washed over my face, waking my up from a sound sleep.

Doctor: (Star) Do you smell something cooking?

“Ugh, fine. I'll get up.” I mumbled and rolled out of bet, my feet hitting the ground.

Ditzy: After a ten foot drop.

Doctor: (Star) How many times have I told you I want nothing to do with your prank war Luna!

I yawned and stretched. “Hopefully, Celestia doesn't have us do much today...”

Doctor: (Star) Knowing my luck it will be some boring meeting about zoning.

I thought as I moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Oh yeah. I'm Starlight, prince of Equestria and brother to Celestia and Luna. I'm a human alicorn.

Doctor: A humanicorn if you will.

I hadn't always looked like me,

Ditzy: (Star) I used to be a kangaroo.

but I had been cursed to stay in this form when I was young. But that's another story...

Doctor: Luck for us this isn’t Guardians of Magic, so it won’t spend five or six paragraphs reexplaining it.

In the bathroom, I splashed some water on my face, trying to wake myself up. “Man, that was a rough night...”

Ditzy: (Star) I am never going to have a drinking contest against Rainbow Dash ever again!

I stared at the six cutie marks on my left hand and sighed, rubbing the hand. “Stupid nightmares...”

Ditzy: (Star) I had the one where I was dressed like a chicken trying to fight off Nightmare Moon with a banana.

You're probably wondering why I have six cutie marks on my hand.

Doctor: You stole them from ponies and stitched them on your arm?

Well, it turns out that I have a rare magical ability called the Cutie Stamp.

Doctor: ™.

It copies that ponies cutie mark and creates a copy on the one with the ability. After that, it can be used to cast strange and interesting magic based on that cutie mark.

Ditzy: Supposively anyway.

Doctor: Interesting is stretching it.

For example, whenever I used Rainbow Dash's cutie mark, I gained incredible speed. I'm sure there's other perks, but I haven't found them all.

Ditzy: Gotta collect them all!

So far, I have all of the Elements of Harmony's cutie marks.

Doctor: (Star) I got them at a flea market.

On my right hand I had a star on my hand, surrounded by a sun and a moon, trails of light surrounding it. That was when I had Cutie Stamped my sisters at my coronation. That had been a hell of a day.

Ditzy: (Star) I defeated an all powerful, evil alicorn while making a sweat one-liner.

I sighed and raised my head from the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. I inspected my blue eyes, seeing small bags under my eyes. “Man, I might need to take a nap later.” I ran a hand through my brown hair.

Ditzy: Oh my goodness… the author just described something of what Star looks like!

Doctor: It’s a Hearth's Warming miracle!

“Wonder if I could dye it with magic?”

Ditzy: No! You will get rid of the one distinct thing we know about you!

I stepped back and shrugged, pleased with myself.

Doctor: (Star) Damn I’m good looking.

Done with being in the bathroom, I left it and walked back into my room. “Alright, time to get out there.”

Doctor: (Star) I have a full shift waiting for me at Wacky Hut.

I ran a comb through my hair really fast and ruffled my wings, making sure they weren't sprained. I had slept wrong on them one night

Ditzy: I hate when that happens.

and able to fly for half a week.

Doctor: ‘Wasn’t able’ you mean?

“Hmm, they feel fine to me. Rainbow'll probably tell me if they're messed up.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Hmm….hmmm… I’m sorry Prince, but it doesn’t look good. You might not be able to fly ever again.

Ditzy: (Star) What?!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Bwahaha! Just kidding, why are you coming to me? I’m not a doctor.

I held my right hand out, concentrating. After about a second, a dark blue sword materialized in my hand. I closed my hand over it and smiled. This was my weapon Stormtide. I wasn't sure just how I had received this sword, but it hadn't failed me yet. I was glad to have it. De-summoning the sword,

Doctor: If you didn’t need it, why did you summon it?

Ditzy: To check if it is still there?

I slipped into a green shirt and a pair of jeans.

Ditzy: Wow, the author is actually describing things to us now.

Doctor: I’m starting to feel overwhelmed.

“Alright, let's go see what today's gonna bring.” I said, leaving my room.

Ditzy: Don’t say that, you’ll jinx it!

. . .

When I reached the dining room, I saw Celestia sitting down eating.

Doctor: (Star) Cake for breakfast?

Ditzy: (Celestia) Of course, it’s part of balanced diet.

“Hey Celestia.” I said, walking over and giving her a quick hug. “Where's Luna?”

Ditzy: (Celestia) She’s at this new store called Hot Topic. She was rather excitible.

“You just missed her.” Celestia said. “She's going to lay down for a little while.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) She’s been up all morning gaming.

“Oh.” I sat next to my sister. “So what's on the plan for today?”

Celestia thought for a moment. “I have to attend some meeting later today, but I didn't have much planned. Weren't you going to visit Ponyville today?”

Ditzy: (Celestia) And leaving your sister behind to waste away in the castle as usual.

“Yeah, but not until I finished anything that I needed to do.” I said.

“Hmmm.” My sister sat for a minute longer.

Doctor: (Celestia) Well… if you insist, the chandeliers need cleaning.

“Well, I'm going to say now that you should be alright for the day. If I really need you, I can send a letter through Spike.

“That's cool with me.” I stood up, extending my wings.

Celestia looked at me. “You aren't going to eat?”

I shook my head. “Nah. I woke up last night and chowed. I'll be alright until lunch.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) No, you get your flank over here right now. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and I will not have you skip it.

“Alright.” I gave Celestia a hug. “Let me know if you decide to stay in Ponyville for a few days.”

Doctor: She gave a knowing smile.

“You got it.” I said. I walked over to one of the windows, opened it, and jumped out, extending my wings to catch the air and fly towards Ponyville.

Ditzy: Wait, what so royal about that mourning?

Doctor: That was one of the most banal, ordinary mornings I have ever seen.

. . .

The flight wasn't very eventful, but I did tend to stay rather high in the air, above the clouds so I wouldn't be easily seen.

Doctor: He was paranoid of snipers.

I had been regularly visiting Ponyville after the incident with Gilda, but ponies still freaked out when I came by.

Ditzy: (Star) At least ponies don’t think I belong in a zoo anymore.

Sure, I might be royal, but I don't wanna act it all the time.

Doctor: Royal, I’m sure.

I flew up a little higher. My lungs couldn't handle the altitude as well as pegasi, being human lungs,

Ditzy: Makes sense.

so Twilight and I had spent a few weeks trying to work on a spell that would help with that.

Doctor: (Star) I somehow ended up with gills.

We decided on a spell that would draw air towards me and create a sort of barrier so that I'd have enough to breathe. It was a rough spell, but it worked for now.

Ditzy: Hey, maybe he’ll find some use for this in battle.

All: (Laughs)

Doctor: That’s a good one.

Ditzy: Yeah right.

As I flew, I saw Cloudsdale in the distance. “Wait, I think Rainbow works today.” I remembered. “If I wanna see her now, guess I could swing by and say hi.” I banked to the right and continued on.

Ditzy: Um, Rainbow Dash doesn’t work in Cloudsdale.

It took a little more time, but I finally reached the floating city. I touched down and walked around, staring in awe at the place.

All: Oooooo, pretty!

I was in the central city of Cloudsdale, seeing large skyscrapers and buildings. There were quite the few ponies mingling and walking or flying around the area. I had landed on the sidewalk, and I moved into a more enclosed corner so that I could think for a moment.

Doctor: Only to get mugged.

“Great. Rainbow never told me where her job was...” I grumbled. I glanced around for a while and my eyes lit up as I say my friend Derpy

Ditzy: (Groans)

flying towards the west. “She can help! Plus, it's been a bit since we've talked.” In a flash, I extended my wings and flew after her.

Derpy might be ditzy at times, but that mare could fly.

Ditzy: Damn straight I can!

Doctor: Someone is fishing for compliments.

I didn't catch up to her until we were just about at her work.

Ditzy: All the way to the Ponyville Post Office?

“Derpy!” I called out.

She turned around and broke into a big smile. “Starlight!” She tackled me in a hug.

Ditzy: (Nods in approval)

“Oof!” I grunted,

Doctor: (Star) I think I will have bruises. That girl doesn’t know her own strength.

then returned the hug. “How are you?”

“I'm doing great!” She replied. “What about you? I haven't seen you for months, even when delivering mail.”

Ditzy: (Derpy) And you don’t return my text or voice messages!

I shrugged. “After that incident with Gilda, I've been really busy.

Doctor: Wait, what about the fact that you were kidnapped in the last book?

Ditzy: Is Book 3 not canon?

Have to get to know the rules and customs of Equestria, ya know.”

Ditzy: (Star) Luckily, Pinkie created a rap song to help me remember.

Derpy stuck her tongue out. “That sounds really boring.”

Ditzy: It’s times like this I am glad the author likes to skip details.

“Some days can be.” I said, playfully nudging her. “Hey, do you know where Rainbow's work is?

“Yeah. It's about a half a mile behind us.” She said.

Doctor: (Derpy) She works at that weird Rainbow Factory.

“Although, she isn't working today.”

“Really?” I asked. “How are you sure?”

Ditzy: (Derpy) She muttered something about there not being enough foals. Whatever that means.

“I asked her when she would be free so we could hang out. She said today.” Derpy said. “I can change it if you wanted to be with her. I know that it's been a while since you've seen her.”

Ditzy: (Derpy) Hint hint nudge nudge.

I shook my head. “No, Derpy. I'm not gonna do that. I'll go visit her for a little bit, then I'll go visit everyone else in town.” I smirked. “After I spend a few minutes telling everypony to relax.”

Doctor: Have you ever thought of using your magic to disguise yourself as a normal pony? Celestia does it sometimes.

“Well you're royalty now, Star.” Derpy said. “Even if you don't wanna, you still have to play the part.”

Doctor: (Derpy) Maybe you should get a scepter with your face on it.

I nodded. “Sorry, but I gotta run! See you later!” In an instant, Derpy flew away.

Ditzy: Even if they got my name wrong, it’s nice to see me not depicted as a muffin obsessed idiot for once.

Doctor: Small mercies.

I smiled and turned towards the distance. It was time to go visit my marefriend.

Ditzy: Wait...that’s it?

Doctor: It seems so.

Ditzy: What is the point of starting a story if you are only going to do one chapter of it?

Doctor: I’m glad we never got to learn what “To Love and to Lust” means.

Ditzy: (Nods) Definitely dodged a bullet there.

Doctor: Let’s get out of here.

Ditzy: Wait a minute!

Doctor: What?

Ditzy: We never got to learn who that shadowy silhouette guy is!

Doctor: Does it matter?

Ditzy: Well...no, but it still would be nice to know! (Grumbles) Now it is going to bug me.

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“Oh, what are you working on?” The Doctor trotted up to Ditzy who was sitting on a table writing something in the main meeting room. The table was full of papers. Ditzy was writing on one of those papers with her month not her hands. Ditzy looked up and saw the amused expression on his face. Ditzy supposed she did look comical like this. What was she suppose to do? She tried using her hands, but that ended up in miserable failure. Ditzy had no idea how humans did it.

Ditzy turned to the Doctor. “Well, I thought it might be a neat idea to finish the Starlight Saga in one final epic story.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at this. “Really? Why?”

“It’s just a shame that it was unfinished.” Ditzy gave a wide grin.

“Ah, so many stories left untold right?” He said wryly. “So, have you decided on who that silhouetted figure is yet?”

Ditzy brightened. “I have! He’s an evil three horned Alicorn that was deposed, with your help, by the Princesses and wants back his rightful place as King of Equestria.”

“King?”

“Yeah, but he was a tyrant that ruled Equestria with an iron hoof. He believed in the supremacy of Alicorns and normal ponies are trash that needs to be controlled without mercy or pity.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “I’m in this story?”

Ditzy smiled. “A little bit. I thought it would be fun to add you as a minor character.”

The Doctor pondered this for a moment then looked suspicious. “There isn’t any romance involving me in this story is there?”

Ditzy gave a forced laughed while trying to hide a piece of paper. “Oh course not.”

Ditzy had written and an admittedly steamy part between him and Pinkie Pie that went a little further then she expected. “Celestia, I’ve been without a coltfriend for too long.” Ditzy thought in a deprecating tone. “As soon as I get out of here, I’m confessing my feeling to Spike. That tart Rarity will not get in my way.” She thought with conviction.

“Really?” The Doctor said doubtfully.

“Really.” Ditzy said evenly. Ditzy really wished that she was a better liar.

The Doctor looked at her for a moment, but gave in and changed the subject. “So why three horns?”

“He has a birth condition that gives him that. It doesn’t actually make him stronger or anything, but he has it in his head that makes him superior to everypony else.” The Doctor and Ditzy had a laugh at this, those silly villains and their undeserved, overinflated egos. “I still haven’t thought of a good name for him yet though.”

The Doctor started pitching names, but Ditzy didn’t like any of them. “How about Tiny the Terrible?” The Doctor suggested.

“Doctor, that’s just silly.” Ditzy chastised. “I want him to have a more serious name than that.” Ditzy wanted her villain to be taken at least a little bit seriously. The Doctor opened his mouth, but Ditzy stopped him before he said anything. “Don’t worry about. I’ll think of something.”

“I’ll just leave you to it then.” The Doctor said his goodbyes and left the room.

Ditzy turned back to her writing. She wondered if there was a way to include a motorcycle race and a duel with chainsaws.

She brought a Ursa Minor into Ponyville and wasn't able to control it.” Twilight said.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 1

Hey! Happy Halloween/Nightmare Night! For this Halloween we are going to read The Beginning of the Endby pinkie_pie240. It isn’t set during Nightmare Night this time because not enough time has passed in story. I don’t want to break continuity like that. I know it doesn’t really matter, but it matters to me!

This is definitely the worststory I have done so far. Starlight was bad, but it was bad in a fun way. This is bad in all the boring ways. This story drained all the life out of me. I am going to avoid ranting about this story. If I did, I would be here all day. As I said before, I could totally write a 10 page essay on everything bad about this story. Am I going to do the sequel? Not now. Maybe for next year. I am done with this story for now, and I already have backlog of stories I need to do still.

Special thanks to pinkie_pie240 for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 1

Ditzy stretched her arms and yawned. It had been a week since she started her Legend of Starlight continuation fanfic and now she has hit a major case of writer’s block. Since she really has had nothing better to do, she has spent most of the week working on it. By Ditzy’s reckoning it was mostly done. The problem is that she couldn’t quite think of a good ending for it, and she still couldn’t think of a good name for the main antagonist. Right now she went with Ruler Guy. Ditzy really wished she was better with names.

“Hmm. How about Star loses a wing and has epic fight on top of a falling skyscraper? Nah, that’s silly. It doesn’t give them much time to fight.” Ditzy thought out loud. She scratched her chin with one of her hands. “No, wait. Starlight is still much too weak and inexperienced to fight Ruler Guy toe to toe.” Ditzy clicked her tongue as she thought this over. “I know, Star travels to a different dimension where time travels at a much slower rate than his native universe and trains there for several months. This allows him to curbstomp Ruler Guy easily with his new found power!” Ditzy paused. “No, that’s just lazy. “

Ditzy got a sudden insight. “I’m going about this the wrong way. Twilight and her friends should play a big part in Ruler Guy’s defeat.” Ditzy paused to think. “The seven of them sing a song and, with the power of friendship, it transforms them into super forms with garish highlights that grant them the power to overcome Ruler Guy!” Ditzy considered this idea. “Nah, but I like the song idea. I could use that. But wait, isn’t Rainbow Dash dead?” Earlier she made Rainbow Dash heroically sacrifice herself to save her love by crashing a forklift packed with explosives into Nightmare Moon which destroyed her for good. Ditzy was a sucker for tragic sacrifices to save a love one. “I got it! She can come back as a zombie! That would make her romance with Star a bit awkward though.” She thought hard about this, but gave up. “Oh well, I will work out something. I just need to think of a good reason for her to come back as a zombie.” Ditzy put a pencil in her mouth and starting writing down her ideas for later.

“That’s good for now.” Ditzy nodded in approval of what she had finished so far for today. There was an hour until the experiment started and Ditzy wanted to play some Shadowed Spirits on her PS3. Despite these annoyingly clumsy human hands she had right now, she didn’t do as badly anymore. Using them was still an uphill battle, but at least she was somewhat able to play video games competently.

“So are my little test subjects today?” Dinky’s distorted voice asked.

The Doctor and Ditzy just shrugged. “As good as can be expected given the current circumstances I suppose.” Ditzy gestured to herself. “I could really do without this.” Ditzy was starting to get really annoyed that she wasn’t back to being a pony yet. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t get used to this body. It just felt so wrong. The Doctor nodded in sympathy. For some reason the magic that turned Ditzy wasn’t wearing off as quickly as the Doctor estimated. So far he wasn’t able to give a reason why.

“Today’s experiment will be The Beginning of the End by pinkie_pie240. Enjoy.” Dinky gave out an evil laugh as she usually did. The experiment alarm went off. The Doctor and Ditzy dashed to the theater.

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This day started like any other day in Ponyville;

Doctor: Half of Ponyville was on fire.

Ditzy: (Applebloom) We wer just tryin’ to get our firefightin’ Cutie Marks!

the birds were singing, the sun was just coming up, shining it's beautiful rays through the few clouds there were in the sky, everything was just fine. Except for one thing.

Ditzy: Supercube Corner was out of Lemon Muffin Surprise.

Where was everybody?

Doctor: Who knew renfest was so popular.

It was strange for ponies not to be out at this time, usually everypony was awake starting their daily lives. I wonder what's going on that everypony is still inside.

Ditzy: Another outbreak of Cutie Pox?

I'm going to visit Vinyl and Octavia, they may know what's going on.

Doctor: Mind telling us who you are exactly?

I began to trot in the direction of their house. The whole way I didn't encounter any other pony.

Ditzy: (Pony) Is it my breath?

Vinyl was one of my closest friends. Soon after we met, we became friends,

Ditzy: (Pony) Though for some reason she refuses to return my calls.

she taught me about music and dubstep. I taught her how to shoot an arrow.

Doctor: Why? It isn’t like ponies hunt.

Soon however, she introduced me to her marefriend Octavia.

Ditzy: Really? Odd coupling idea.

Doctor: These wacky fanfics and their crack shippings.

She was a really nice mare,

Ditzy: (Pony) Even if she acted like I was an insignificant ant under her hooves.

and we soon became close friends as well.

Before I knew it,I found myself at their house. Something wasn't right.

Ditzy: (Pony) Why is it upside down?

As I approached the door,I noticed it was slightly ajar.

Doctor: (Pony) I told Vinyl to hire a professional carpenter, but no, she insists on doing it herself! The foal.

With further inspection, I realized that the door was broken open by somepony.

Ditzy: It’s nothing, Rainbow Dash just crashed into it.

I immediately dashed in to find everything out of place and turned over.

Ditzy: It seems Vinyl’s debts finally caught up with her.

There was a broken window, with blood leading up the stairs. I immediately opened my saddle bag and drew my bow from it.

Doctor: How convenient that you have that for some reason.

It was one I made myself. And was also the first.

Doctor: (Pony) So it was really really poorly made.

I slowly went up the stairs to hear cries coming from the room. I bust in to find Vinyl and Octavia in the corner crying of fear.

Ditzy: A horror movie night got a little out of control.

As I approached them I heard Octavia scream, "VIOLET, LOOK OUT"

Doctor: So we finally learn the narrator’s name.

I turned practically instantaneously to see the attacker. Before I had a chance to draw an arrow, the mare lunged. I didn't react to it other than swinging my bow at the attacker as hard as I could like a club. It struck the attacker in the jaw and I heard a deafening crack.

Doctor: There goes the bow.

The mare feel to the ground but got up with no problem.

Ditzy: (Violet) I knew I shouldn’t have made the bow out of twigs!

How did she…

But before I finished, she was upon me, trying to bite me. I punched her, but she didn't even flinch. My bow was out of my reach,

Doctor: Wait, what? It was in your hooves a sec ago!

as was my saddle bag.

Ditzy: Why? Aren’t you wearing them?

I thought that the mare was going to kill me. But just before the final lunge, she stopped.

Doctor: (Pony) Violet is that you? How have you been old buddy!?

Fell to the ground next to me. Vinyl was above me, she helped me to my hooves. I turned to inspect the mare, my dagger was still penetrated in her skull,

All: What!?

Ditzy: When did this happen!? You didn’t mention anything about a dagger!

Doctor: Vinyl stabbed her and it was in Violet’s saddlebag perhaps?

she clearly had fatal wounds, and her neck was snapped from where I swung my bow at her.

Doctor: And that didn’t kill her...why?

She had bites such as those of a pony.

Ditzy: Oh! She’s a zombie.

Doctor: (Sighs) Of course she is.

She had a light orange coat, deep orange mane, and dark green eyes. He cutie mark was a carrot.

Ditzy: (Sniffs) Poor Carrot Top.

Carrot Top? Why would she do this?

Doctor: (Violet) And why was mumbling something about brains?

"Are you two okay?" I asked Vinyl.

"I'm fine, but Tavi's hurt."She responded.

Ditzy: Poor Octy. I wonder how long it will take for her to turn.

"What happened?" I asked, approaching Octavia. She looked like she was losing consciousness. She had a deep hash on her left foreleg.

Doctor: The zombie attacked her with hash browns.

Ditzy: That fiend!

"When she first attacked us, Octavia got in the way of her, she grabbed her and shoved her into the window downstairs. I grabbed the attacker and threw her across the room, knocking everything over in the process."

Ditzy: (Vinyl) Octavia won’t stop whining out some family vase or whatever being destroyed.

"Did she bite her?" I asked, inspecting the wound and checking the others.

"No, just the cut from the glass."

Ditzy: Oh, nevermind.

Doctor: That was lucky.

"Give me my saddlebags."I demanded, I had my first aid kit in it.

Doctor: Were you going on a trip? Why do you randomly have that?

She floated the bags to me with her magic, which I grabbed the bandages and cleaning fluid from,

Doctor: (Violet) Pine Sol should work just fine right?

and started cleaning Octavia's wound. After I got the bandage wrapped,

Ditzy: Is there anything duct tape can’t do?

Vinyl suggested we go to Twilight 's house.

Ditzy: It was either that or go to that strange brown stallion in the blue box.

"She might know what's up. And she could probably help Tavi too."

Ditzy: With what? Hasn’t she already been treated?

Doctor: Shouldn’t you go a doctor instead?

I wasn't sure who Twilight was, but I heard much about her, though I never met her personally, but I heard she was a smart and friendly pony.

Doctor: Oddly specific thing to know about a pony that you barely know.

"Okay, but we need to be careful, there may be more off them out there." I said motioning to the now motionless pony on the floor.

"Okay"

I took my dagger from the dead mares head, cleaned it, and put it back in the saddlebags.

Doctor: Thought so.

Ditzy: Next time be more clear about your action sequences.

We headed for Twilight 's house. Vinyl held Octavia up, helping her walk, while I walked ahead, bow ready, just in case more of these crazed ponies attack us.

Ditzy: Why don’t you recognize that they’re zombies? It’s pretty obvious!

Doctor: They never think of that in these stories. Never.

As we arrived at Twilight's house, we knocked on the door, she answered rather quickly,

Doctor: (Violet) The mare at the door muttered something about ‘public library’.

she didn't recognize me, but when she saw Vinyl with Octavia on her shoulder, she let us in.

Doctor: Twilight was paranoid of strangers.

"What happened?" She asked.

As we explained what had happened earlier that day, she walked to one of her shelves of books and flipped through them at a rather fast rate.

Doctor: (Twilight) Who as the 34th archduke of Canterlot? If I don’t get an answer, this will bug me all day.

She sat back down with a frustrated look on her face.

"What do you make of it Twi?" Vinyl asked.

Ditzy: (Twilight) A chair, a fort, a pretty hat.

It took her a moment to answer, but when she did, all she said was, "I don't know. None of my books can explain what you two are describing."

Doctor: Don’t they have zombies stories in your universe?

She turned to me, "Hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle. But you can just call me Twilight."

Doctor: (Twilight) Forgot you were here, you blend into the background so easily.

"Pleasure meeting you Twilight, my name is Violet Arrow. I've only been here for about a month now, so we never really met."

"Well Violet, thank you for your kindness, and if you're willing, first thing tomorrow,

Doctor: Tomorrow? Isn’t it still morning?

we can go see Zecora. Surely she knows something about this."

"Thank you Twilight, I will be happy to go with you."

"Great, you can stay here for the night

All: It’s still morning!

while we prepare and Octavia is better."

Ditzy: Better yet, leave Octavia here and let Spike take care of her.

"Thanks again Twilight."

I could have sworn as she turned away, I could see her cheeks turn a slight rose color.

Ditzy: Twilight’s been infected!

"You're very welcome, Violet."

Author's Note:

This actually took a while to write,

Doctor: Why? That was only a thousand words or so.

but I joined just a while ago to make this story.

All: Thanks for that!

So far, I think it turned out good. Let me know what you thought of it. If you want your own oc to be a character in the story,

Ditzy: To be maimed by zombies of course.

send me an e-mail of a picture of your character, your name, for credit, your online name, not real name,

Doctor: (Author) But if you could give me your real name and credit card number, I won’t mind.

obviously, and a description of their personality.

Ditzy: (Author) So I can turn them into fleshed out, three dimensional characters.

Doctor: I’m sure that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 2

Did Twilight just... blush at me? No, I must have just imagined it.

Doctor: (Violet) I have a face only a mother could love.

"You can sleep wherever you're comfortable, Violet.

Ditzy: (Violet) Ok, I’ll sleep on the rug.

And feel free to read a book or two

Ditzy: (Twilight) Or twenty, or thirty, or fifty.

if you like." She said, turning to head to her own room.

"Thank you, Twilight." I managed to say. Something inside of my chest seemed to make me feel like my heart was lifted. What are these strange feelings?

All: (Bored) Love. It’s love.

"You're welcome, Violet." She responded, already at the top of the steps. "Good night, Violet."

"Good night, Twilight." I could feel my heart racing. What are these feelings?

Ditzy: (Violet) Oh no! I think I’m having a heart attack! Call 911!

I heard her door close. Vinyl and Octavia were already asleep in the guest room. I turned to the sofa,

Well, this'll do. I'm used to it anyway.

Doctor: (Violet) I’ve been leeching off of my friends for years!

After I made myself comfortable, I closed my eyes to sleep. After I opened them again, I saw a different place, I was in a strange but oddly familiar room.

Ditzy: She’s been abducted by aliens!

I heard the sound of hoofsteps approaching from behind me. I turned quickly, hoping that it was not another attacker. But I relaxed as I saw that it was just Princess Luna.

Ditzy: Why would you relax at that sight?

Doctor: So...do they already know each other?

"Hello, Princess." I said, bowing slightly.

"Good evening, Violet. I must say, you're coping well with everything that's going on.

Ditzy: No kidding.

Doctor: (Luna) Disappointing. It’s less amusing this way.

Is there something on you're mind? Some strange feelings you have experienced recently?"

Doctor: (Violet) Well, I’ve been rather depressed lately. I’m 25 and it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything in my life yet.

This caught me by surprise. How did she know? "Yes your highness, I'm not sure what I've been feeling, but when I speak with Twilight or even look into her eyes, I can't help but get this strange feeling in my chest. I'm not sure what it is, but I just feel like there is a, how should I say, link, between us.

Ditzy: (Violet) I think I imprinted on her.

I just don't know what it is. Can you help me Princess?"

Ditzy: What about the zombie apocalypse outside?! I think that is a little more important.

She seemed to be looking at something in the distance,

Ditzy: (Luna) Oooo, shiny!

a small but obvious smile on her face. It took a moment for her to respond. Then she turned to me. "As a matter of fact, I know exactly what's going on, and what you're feeling. You, young mare, are in love."

"In love? With Twilight?

Doctor: (Violet) What is this thing called love?

How can that be?"

Doctor: (Violet) I always thought my heart was a dead husk.

A small part of me was happy and confused at the same time. My heart lifted at the truth.

Doctor: (Violet) I won’t be forever alone after all!

"What does this mean? Should I just tell her? Does she feel the same way? Should I.." I was silenced when she raised a hoof.

Ditzy: (Luna) The best way to somepony’s heart is to say ‘‘Hey, you wanna be my special somepony? We can go on a date, and then we’ll bang, OK?’.

"All answers will be received,

Doctor: (Luna) Have this magic 8 ball. It shall explain all the answers thy need.

in time young one. But for now I must leave. There are other ponies who need my help.

Doctor: Luna, why are you even here? She wasn’t having nightmare or being attacked by a dream monster.

But before I do so, I must warn you, this new enemy is very dangerous.

Ditzy: Is it? Nopony seems to be taking it all that seriously.

Celestia and I are having trouble defending Canterlot. And you are the only pony who can save Equestria,

All: Of course.

you must come to Canterlot immediately. Gather as many others as you can. We need your help."

Doctor: (Luna) Get that Twilight whatshername, she might come in use.

And with that she vanished, leaving me alone in the now empty room.

I know now what I must do.

Ditzy: You do? Princess Luna didn’t leave you with much of a plan.

I have to save Equestria. But I can't do it alone.

Ditzy: (Violet) But I sure as heck will try!

With that, I opened my eyes to find I was still lying on the sofa in Twilight's living room. The others were still asleep. I trotted slowly to the window and carefully opened the curtain to see what was outside, and what I saw I stared at in horror.

Doctor: The gutters were filthy!

There were dozens, if not hundreds of those ponies I saw yesterday. I saw a mare with what looked like a sword,

Ditzy: (Mare) I just wanted to go animecon!

the crazed mares chasing her. I wanted to dash out and help her but before I could move, one of the crazed ponies attacked her from behind, dragging her to the ground, biting her the whole time.

All: Nom nom nom nom nom.

The others surrounded her, devouring her. I could hear her screams. I knew there was nothing I could do now. I quickly turned and lied back on the sofa.

Doctor: (Violet) Oh well. Back to sleep.

I started to weep into the pillow in front of me. I stayed like this for a few minutes before felt a hoof gently on my shoulder. I looked up to see Twilight looking down at me, her beautiful eyes with a worried glare.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Don’t worry, I have some pills that will make the sadness go all away.

"What's the matter,Violet? I heard you from upstairs, and I was worried." She asked me, worry in her tone of voice.

"Sorry for waking you Twilight, it's just that I couldn't sleep, so I looked outside through the curtains. I saw a mare. She was carrying a sword,

Doctor: (Violet) She was dressed like Cloud Strife for some reason.

she was running from the ponies Vinyl and I encountered yesterday, and..." I didn't finish my sentence before I started to weep again, this time, Twilight

Ditzy: Told her to quit whining and get over it already.

let me lean on her shoulder. I couldn't control myself, the tears just kept flowing.

Doctor: Violet latter died of dehydration.

"I couldn't help her, I may not have known her, but I should have saved her." I continued to weep.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Argh, how long will I have to put up with this?

"It's okay Violet," she said, gently stroking my violet colored mane, "it'll be okay, at least we're safe."

All: Why?

Doctor: In case you have forgotten, there are hoards of zombies right outside.

I sat up, cleaning my tears. "Thank you Twilight." I looked into her beautiful eyes, she was staring into my violet eyes.

Doctor: In a few moments it started getting uncomfortable.

She leaned closer, myself doing the same. My cheeks were burning, her lips met with my own, and she kissed me,

Ditzy: Wha? You just met!

I've never kissed anypony before. It was a great sensation.

Ditzy: Even though Twilight felt the need to aggressively use her tongue during the kiss.

It felt like a fire was burning in my chest. A warm feeling. We kissed for a few moments before finally separating. We were still staring into each other's eyes, we held each other, her in my hooves, and I in hers. We stayed there for a while, still staring into each other's eyes.

Doctor: They entered an impromptu staring contest.

"I love you, Twilight." I managed to say at last.

"I love you too, Violet." She responded. I was happier than I could ever be.

Doctor: Baring the whole apocalypse thing.

Twilight loved me, and I loved her. I now realized what love was. It was the best feeling in the world.

Ditzy: Until they were swamped by zombies that crashed into the library.

Author's Note:

Bet no-one saw this coming huh? Well I wasn't planning to have myself and Twilight get together,

Ditzy: That’s suppose to be you?!

Doctor: Really.

let alone kiss. But then I thought, why not?

Ditzy: (Author) Just wait till the next chapter. Things are going to get really juicy!

Let me know what you think. And if you still want your oc in the story, you can send me an e-mail with a picture of your Oc, their personality, etc, I explained this at the end of the first chapter, so you can look there if you want. But if you need any explanation, just send me a message to either this account, or my e-mail, orly1jr@yahoo.com

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 3

"Yo, Violet, wake up."

I was startled at the voice that came from Vinyl.

Ditzy: It sounded machinelike and unequine.

I opened my eyes to find that Twilight and I were still holding each other.

Doctor: Oh the scandal!

We must have fallen asleep. We separated, our faces burning red, So last night really did happen,

Doctor: It sounded like something out of a bad fanfic.

I thought to myself. My heart lifting at the realization of the previous night, Twilight kissed me.

Doctor: And she was a horrible kisser. It was like she was trying to eat my face.

"You two okay?" Octavia was asking from next to her marefriend, the hint of a smile on her face.

"We're fine, Octavia, thank you." It was Twilight who answered, "Violet just needed some company, and we must have dozed off."

Doctor: (Twilight) I-it was really cold, so we decided to share body heat to stay warm!

Ditzy: (Octavia) In the summer?

My cheeks were still burning, I don't think Twilight was fooling them.

Doctor: That would be a negatory.

But the pair just smiled and turned away, "Okay then, let's get ready, we need to see this Zecorah today, right?”

All: Zecora!

"Of course, we'll leave just after we get ready." Twilight answered the pair,

Ditzy: (Twilight) The entire library needs to be reorganized.

"Violet, can I speak with you?"

"Sure,Twilight," what did she want to talk about?

Ditzy: (Twilight) We need to get rid of Octavia and Vinyl. They know our secret.

She turned and headed up the stairs, I followed closely behind. As we entered the room, Twilight shut it behind us with her magic. She trotted over to the bed and lied down on it, motioning for me to join her.

Ditzy: Considering this might be your last day on Earth, this might not be a bad idea.

"We need to talk about what happened last night, Violet." She told me in a rather serious mood.

Doctor: (Twilight) It was a mistake.

"Sure,Twilight, what is it?"

She turned and faced me, worry in her eyes. "I think that Vinyl and Octavia know what happened."

All: (Gasps)

Ditzy: So?

"How would they know that? They were asleep in the other room."

Ditzy: Uh, did you just forget what happened a few minutes ago?

Doctor: (Twilight) But my body heat explanation was perfect!

"Perhaps, but if I woke up when I heard you, then I'm sure one of them did too."

"But what's wrong with them knowing? Even if they did, what's so bad about it that we'd have to hide it?"

Doctor: (Twilight) They might try to blackmail us!

"I'm not saying it's bad, I'm saying that I think that we shouldn't tell any other pony about us."

Ditzy: Oh, you’re still shy about everypony knowing you’re a fillyfooler.

As she finished saying this,

Doctor: Zombie pegasi broke through the window and swarmed Twilight!

she leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek. This wasn't as strong as before, but it was also a nice feeling.

Ditzy: (Violet) This ‘joy’ feeling felt odd.

"I understand, Twilight."

"Thank you, we should tell Vinyl and Octavia though, I'm sure they know already, but better safe than sorry, right?"

Doctor: I don’t see why it is any of their business.

Ditzy: They’re so sensitive of what other ponies think of them.

"Yeah, let's go tell them."

Ditzy: And open yourself to jokes and ribbing of your predicament?

With that we headed back down to the living area, Vinyl and Octavia were waiting there.

"May we speak with you two? Violet and I have something rather important to tell you two."

Doctor: (Twilight) I thought it was more important to tell you then my best friends first.

"Sure , Twi, anything."

Twilight motioned for them to have a seat, which they did. I sat next to her, we were staring into each other's eyes.

She took my hoof in her own, Vinyl and Octavia simply giggled.

Doctor: I, on the other hand...er...hoof, am gagging.

"We haven't even started yet and you two can't even sit still for five seconds."

Ditzy: You’re acting like school fillies having their first crush.

"Sorry,Twi, but me and Tavi already know exactly what's going on."

"How did you know?" It was me who asked.

All: They have eyes!

"Filly, you can't just stare into her eyes, wake up to find you two were hugging, and hold each other's hooves without us knowing what's going on. It's not like I know nothing, trust me, I think I know a thing or two about relationships. Isn't that right Tavi?"

Ditzy: (Octavia) What? Oh, right. What you said.

She said all this through small bursts of laughter.

"Yes, it is.", she leaned over to kiss her marefriend on the cheek.

"It was that obvious, huh?" I asked, disappointment in my voice.

Doctor: It would only be more obvious if you had signs pointing at you saying ‘They’re a couple!’.

"It's alright, your secret's safe with us."

Ditzy: (Vinyl) If one of us gets drunk on the otherhoof...

"Thank you, guys."

Vinyl got up, then the rest of us,"Let's go see this Zecorah now."

All: Zecora!

"Of course, let's go."

Ditzy: Yeah, maybe we should get back to saving Equestria!

With that we headed out of the house, there weren't any more of those crazed ponies, they must be gone after what happened last night.

Ditzy: The zombies felt really bad over what happened.

Last night…

Tears started to well up in my eyes at the memory of the previous night. Twilight noticed and stopped. She knew what was on my mind.

Ditzy: It’s okay that you were completely useless in saving that mare from a slow agonizing death.

She leaned closer to me and kissed my cheek, then whispered in my ear, "It's okay, Violet. We're still safe."

Doctor: For now.

Ditzy: Don’t say that. You’ll jinx it.

I returned the kiss to her cheek, then trotted over to where the mare had been last night. Her sword was still lying on the ground, along with its sheath. But the mare herself was gone. I picked up the sword and gave it to Twilight, which she accepted gratefully.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Wait a minute, this is made of cardboard!

Soon, however, we found ourselves at the edge of the Everfree Forest. As we walked inside, I explained that if a pony attacked you, to warn us so we can help as fast as possible.

Ditzy: Don’t worry. You’re screams as your body is ripped and maimed to pieces should be easy to identify.

Doctor: Have they forgotten the other dangers of the Everfree Forest?

Soon, we arrived at Zecorah's.

All: Zecora’s!

"Octavia, Violet, you two stay out here and keep watch, just in case anypony decides to attack us."

Doctor: (Twilight) That way we have time to bar the door.

Ditzy: (Violet) B-but what about us?!

Doctor: (Twilight) Eh, you’ll be dead by then.

"Sure thing, Twilight."

She leaned forward, and our lips met again, for the second time. I could feel the warmth in my heart grow even more.

Doctor: (Violet) It was starting to hurt.

It was wonderful. She broke the kiss after a moment before saying, "Be careful."

"I will."

With that, she knocked on Zecorah's

All: Zeco- oh forget it.

door. After a moment she answered, and seeing Twilight, she let her and Vinyl in. After a moment, Octavia broke the silence, "So, what exactly happened between you and Twilight last night?

Ditzy: (Octavia) Did you rumpy-rumpy?

Doctor: (Violet) Um, what?

Ditzy: (Octavia) You know, daddle her?

Doctor: (Violet) ...What?

Ditzy: (Octavia) Bumper to bumper?

Doctor: (Violet) You aren’t making any sense.

Ditzy: (Octavia) For Celestia’s sake! Have sex!

Doctor: (Violet) What! No! We just met!

Ditzy: (Octavia) Oh...

You don't have to answer if I'm invading your privacy."

Ditzy: (Octavia) If you are, I want all the details!

"It's alright, I don't mind. You have the right to know." I swallowed to clear my thoughts." Well, I saw a mare get attacked by those things we saw.

Doctor: Zombies! Just say it already.

And I started to cry. Twilight came downstairs to comfort me. We found ourselves staring into each other's eyes. And we leaned in... and well, well we kissed. But that's when we actually told each other our feelings for each other."

Doctor: (Violet) In the fifteen minutes that we knew each other, I knew it was true love!

"Wow," Octavia seemed to be in shock,

Doctor: (Octavia) That was really rushed and corny.

"I think you two are meant for each other, you both are cute together."

Ditzy: Do they even have anything in common?

I felt my cheeks start to burn, "Thanks, Octavia."

Just then, we heard rustling in the bushes in front of us, I drew my bow, ready for the attacker this time. Octavia had my dagger. "Who's there?" I demanded.

The unknown pony shouted from their hiding spot. "Don't hurt me, I'm not one of them."

Doctor: (Pony) Just ignore the fact that half of my brain is sticking out.

"Come out, now." I shouted back, "and don't try anything stupid."

Slowly, from the place the pony was hiding, a young mare stepped out. She had a light pink coat, magenta mane, which was very curly, and light blue eyes. "Pinkie?"

Ditzy: Good.This fic needs something entertaining.

Author's Note:

Nice introduction for Pinkie?

Doctor: It seems a little too...normal for her.

Ditzy: Yeah, she didn’t appear behind anypony or anything.

Let me know what you think. Remember this though, this is my first story,

All: Ah.

I'm not the best writer, or the best at coming up with ideas, or proof reading, or spelling, etc, so don't judge me if I mess up, just let me know where I did so I can fix it.

Ditzy: Oh, ok. I’ll leave some comments when this all over.

Doctor: At least you're honest.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 4

"What are you doing here, Pinkie? Don't you know what's going on?"

Doctor: (Pinkie) You mean the hoards of the undead terrorizing the town? Duh, I am here to see what you are up to. Zombies are so boring. All the want to talk about is brains, and they terrible at Pin the Tail on the Pony.

I ran up to her and grabbed her in a friendly hug.

Doctor: Pinkie looked uncomfortable having her personal space violated like that.

She was one of my best friends.

Ditzy: How can she be your best friend if you don’t know Twilight?

"I'm just glad you're safe."

"It's good to see you too, Violet, but I need your help."

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I have a pickle jar I need opening.

"Of course, Pinkie, what's wrong? Is somepony in trouble?"

Doctor: (Violet) Is little Timmy stuck down a well?

"Yes, but I'm afraid you won't like who it is."

Doctor: (Sighs) Let me guess, it’s Trixie.

"Just tell me, Pinkie,"

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Boo! It’s isn’t fun if you don’t guess!

I placed my hoof under her chin and lifted her head up to look at me. "Hey, it's alright."

"Okay, the pony who's in trouble, is your brother, Orange Sherbert."

Ditzy: (Violet) Oh... buck him! He has it coming!

I gasped in horror, I was surprised. "Where is he? I have to go save him."

Doctor: (Pinkie) Follow me!

Ditzy: (Violet) Wait...for me. Darn it Pinkie.

Doctor: (Pinkie) What are you waiting for silly filly? This is serious!

Ditzy: (Violet) Wah! Don’t do that!

"He's trapped and surrounded in your bakery.

Doctor: I suppose shooting things with arrows can’t really pay the bills.

Ditzy: A bakery? Really?

We were just hanging out when these insane ponies attacked some of the customers.

Doctor: It had nothing to do with zombies, it was Black Friday.

We were frightened. He told me to run, to find you, because he needed your help.

Ditzy: One day. One day. The Ponyville Police Force will show their stuff.

He's still there, in the second story, the other ponies can't reach him.

Doctor: (Coughs) Zombie Pegasi.

Please, Violet, you have to help him." I could see tears welling up in her eyes.

I was terrified, I had to go, I knew that Pinkie cared for my brother, and he cared for her, although they didn't know this about each other.

Ditzy: They acted cold and hostile toward each other despite how they felt about the other.

He told me to keep it a secret, which I did.

Doctor: (Sherbet) I want Pinkie to think that I hate her for the rest of my days.

I was going, no matter what. "Don't worry, Pinkie, I'll help."

Ditzy: (Violet) He still needs to return my Colts 2 Stallions CDs!

"Me too." Octavia said from behind us, her voice calm as ever.

Ditzy: (Octavia) Zombie apocalypse? Whatever..

"Oh, thank you guys so much." She gave us both big hugs.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Ditzy: (Violet) Pinkie…. you’re….Argk.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Uh, you okay?

Just then, Twilight stepped out of Zecora's

Doctor: And now you’re spelling it right?

house, immediately followed by Vinyl.

Doctor: Conveniently, their conversation happened off screen so the author doesn’t have to write rhymes for her.

"Pinkie? What are you doing here?"

"We'll explain on the way, but we need your help. Come on." It was me who answered, turning into the forest and starting to run.

Don't worry, brother, I'm coming for you.

Doctor: (Twilight) Does she realize she’s going to wrong way?

Soon we got out of the Everfree Forest, and what we saw frightened us.

Ditzy: They’re charging that much for a muffin?!

There were hundreds of the ponies attacking the bakery my brother was trapped in.

Ditzy: Demand for cupcakes went out of control.

I drew my bow, and released an arrow into the side of one of the ponies.

Doctor: Yeah, that’s going to make a difference.

It simply turned and let out a earsplitting moan.

Ditzy: (Pony) Owww! I wasn’t even a zombie!

It sounded like nothing I've ever heard before.

"Why isn't it hurting them? That arrow would have easily killed a pony." I heard Vinyl shout from behind me.

Doctor: They’re zombies. You know this already. You already saw Carrot Top get mortally wounded without it hindering her in anyway!

"It's because these aren't ponies were dealing with Vinyl," it was Twilight who answered, "Zecora said that they are dead ponies, but are alive. They are basically dead bodies which are able to walk."

Ditzy. Zombies! Just say it already.

"Well how do we kill them?"

Doctor: This is for the three people in the audience that know nothing about zombie lore.

"Zecora said that the only way to kill them is to either decapitate them, or find a way to pierce or crush their brain, then burn the bodies."

Doctor: They give off a surprising pine scent.

"Well let's get to it then." I said, launching an arrow into the nearest ponies head. "Let's finish this. We have to save Ponyville."

Ditzy: Six ponies against hundreds of zombies? Sure, why not?

"Sounds like a plan." Twilight answered, slicing through another ponies neck, it's head falling off.

Doctor: (Zombie) Argh! Hey, a bit!

Vinyl and Octavia were already stabbing into ponies heads, killing them instantly. Pinkie Pie was also helping, but something was different about her,

Ditzy: She was wearing a black and red spandex suit and was wielding a sword and a gun.

her mane was now straightened out, she had an evil expression on her face. She was also slicing through ponies heads.

All: ...What?!

"Pinkie, are you okay?" I asked her gently, hoping to get a response from her.

"My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, not Pinkie. Now don't get in my way."

All: ...What?!

I was a little afraid by her response. Why was she acting this way?

Ditzy: The author was trying to make her cool and kick flank while completely ignoring Pinkie’s actual character.

Oh well, better leave her alone.

Doctor: (Violet) A psychotic change in her personality. Whatever, it probably isn’t important.

I spread my wings, and with a strong downbeat, took to the skies. I watched the battle from above,

Doctor: (Violet) Hey, I can see my house from here.

shooting my own arrows down into the horde of ponies. There was a group that was surrounding Twilight, I dove down to her and landed just behind her.

"Violet, what are you doing?" She said in a harsh tone.

"If I'm going to die tonight, I want to die beside the one pony I love."

Ditzy: You’ve known each other for a day.

She simply turned and kissed me, for the third and possibly final time.

And I was happier than ever.

Doctor: (Violet) Now turning into an undead horror didn’t seem so bad.

We turned and fought again, knowing we were together. But just before we were completely surrounded, a huge burst of flame engulfed the attacker's, all of them falling to the ground before completely burning. Twilight put out the fire with her magic and we both walked away from the now burned corpses.

"Did you start that fire?" I asked her gently.

Doctor: Violet didn’t want to be on the wrong side of a fireball.

"No, I just put it out."

All of the attacker's were either dead or still being killed by the others. Soon they were all dead.

Ditzy: The party gained 5000 experience points, 480 gold, and a mop.

"Everypony okay?" I asked them all.

"We're fine." Pinkie said, back to her usual energetic self.

Doctor: Well, a water downed version of Pinkie at least.

"Good, now let's go see if my brother is okay." I walked toward the door, it was barricaded from the inside. "Hey, Sherbert, you in there?"

Ditzy: And got a fireball in her face for her trouble.

"Who's that?" He asked, looking out the second story window, "Violet? Is that you?"

Doctor: (Sherbert) Great, now I’m never going to live this down.

"Of course it's me, who else would it be?"

He drew back into the window and, after a few moments, I heard cracking from the inside, then, with a huge break, ripped the door open.

Ditzy: (Sherbert) Lock thingys are too complicated.

He apparently ripped the barricades off the door with ease with his magic.

Doctor: I hope you realize you the one that will have to pay for that later.

"Oh, it's so good to see ya, big sis."

"It's good to see you too, little brother."

Ditzy: Come to think of it, I’ve never referred to my siblings in that way. Ever.

I said, embracing him.

Ditzy: (Violet) Come here you big lug.

We were only a year apart, so nopony could tell I was actually the older sibling.

Doctor: Sherbet looked like he was in his forties.

After we let each other go, he looked around with a worried gaze, "Where's Pinkie, is she okay?"

Ditzy: He started crying in the fetal position, convinced he got Pinkie killed.

I smiled a bit, I knew he cared for Pinkie for a long time now, "She's fine, she's with us."

"Sherbert? Are you okay?" I heard Pinkie ask from behind me.

Ditzy: (Sherbert) I’m little feverish and have been vomiting a bit, but otherwise I’m fine. Strange time to get the flu.

The second she saw him, she sprinted into his hooves, nearly tackling him to the ground.

All: Nearly?

Doctor: He must be built like a brick wall.

"Oh, Pinkie, I'm fine, don't worry, just as long as you're safe."

"So Sherbert, what happened? How did you get stuck in the bakery?" I asked my brother.

Doctor: Doesn’t it have a name?

Ditzy: Come to Bakery, it has the finest bake goods in Ponyville.

He let go of Pinkie, then turned to face me, "Pinkie Pie and I were hanging out, as usual,

Doctor: Ah, you were on ‘break’ then.

Ditzy: (Sherbert) I’m a manager! I get all the breaks I want!

when these things attacked," he said motioning to the corpses. "They started to attack the customers. I told Pinkie to run and find you,

Doctor: (Sherbert) I had to convince Pinkie not to throw them a party.

I ran up the stairs, then destroyed the staircase so they couldn't get to me.

Ditzy: Unless they have wings like so many of them do.

I had to stay there, and that's pretty much it."

Doctor: (Sherbet) I left six ponies to die.

"Well at least you're safe." I said, hugging him again.

Ditzy: (Violet) What’s a few dead ponies?

"We're all safe, and we're together, and that's all that matters."

Ditzy: Wait, who shot that fire? I thought it was Sherbet, but it couldn’t of been him.

Doctor: Nothing in this fic seems to have any rhyme or reason.

Author's Note:

Orange Sherbert is an oc that belongs to noteworthy420. And yes I know, a Pegasus and a unicorn being siblings, might be odd,

Ditzy: Since when?

Doctor: Maybe a few thousand years ago.

but hey, I don't care. This chapter may not be the best one, but I think it's pretty good. Let me know what you think. But I'm not the best writer, so if there's any mistakes let me know and I'll fix them.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 5

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 5

"Violet, can you help me with something?" Sherbert asked me once we got back to Twilight's house.

"Sure brother, what's wrong?"

He looked around to make sure that nopony was around,

Ditzy: (Sherbert) I need you to help me disposing of a body. No, no questions. Will you help me?

then leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I want to confess my feelings for Pinkie Pie to her. Will you help me?"

Ditzy: Now’s really not the time!

I had to hold back a small chuckle,

Ditzy: (Violet) This loser actually thinks he has a chance.

I knew he would tell her someday. "Yes, brother, I will."

Doctor: (Violet) The fact that I’m 25 and just now am having my first relationship makes me the perfect pony to go to.

He gave me a huge smile and hugged me a little too much for comfort. "No problem."

Doctor: At least him and Pinkie have that in common.

Later that night, Twilight came up to me, "Violet, can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, Twilight." I said, following her into her bedroom.

Ditzy: (Twilight) The way your brother follows Pinkie Pie around is really creepy. We need to do something about him.

After she closed the door, she turned to me, "Violet, Pinkie Pie talked to me earlier, she said she wanted me to help her with something."

Doctor: Oh boy…

Ditzy: Here we go.

She turned away for a moment, smiling. "I don't know if you know yet, but Pinkie Pie is in love."

"She is? With who?" The answer was already obvious,

Ditzy: The Doctor! Duh!

Doctor: (Groans)

but I just wanted to be sure.

She turned back to me, still smiling, "Your brother."

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Oh course.

Ditzy: Oh come on. He can’t even be half the stallion the Doctor is.

Doctor: Thanks?

"Let me guess, she wants your advice on how to confess her love to my brother?"

Doctor: (Twilight) No actually, she wanted advice for the decorations for her ‘Finally confessing my feelings to Sherbert’ party.

She simply nodded. "Yes, she did."

Ditzy: (Twilight) I told her to be very direct and tell him how much she wants to bang him.

"Huh, my brother told me the same thing."

Ditzy: Apparently Vinyl and Octavia are the only ones that have ever dated before.

"I guess they must really like each other."

Ditzy: Yes, truly a match that was meant to be.

"Without a doubt."

"We should help them."

Doctor: (Violet) It’s our duty as meddling, overbearing friends to aid them!

"Yeah let's go."

She went to talk with Pinkie Pie, while I went to my brother.

"Okay, Sherbert, I'll help you, with Pinkie."

Ditzy: (Twilight) At the cost of free cupcake everytime I visit Sugarcube Corner.

"Oh, thank you so much, Violet. Okay, what do I do?"

Doctor: (Sherbet) The last time I tried to ask a girl out, she threw a drink in my face and stormed off.

"Well, first, take her somewhere quiet where you can be alone.

Ditzy: (Sherbet) The trash bin out back sounds like the perfect romantic spot.

Then, somehow make a romantic setting, but make sure it's not too romantic.

Doctor: (Violet) Please don’t light candles all over the place.

Then, just spill out your true feelings out. If she feels the same way, then she'll accept it, if not, then she won't, that's all."

Ditzy: (Violet) Then you can spend the next twenty years moping about the love you lost.

"That's it, just tell her?"

Doctor: That’s about it.

"Pretty much, just don't rush it, it could mess things up."

Ditzy: (Violet) And it might not be a good idea to tell her you sleep with a lock of her hair.

"Thanks so much, Violet," he said, hugging me, "How can I ever repay you?"

Doctor: (Violet) With down payments. 16 bits a month.

"By letting go of me." I managed to say, gasping for air.

"Oh shoot, sorry, Violet." He apologized, blushing a bit.

Ditzy: It’s like the old saying, “You can’t show how much you care about somepony without breaking a few ribs”.

"No problem, brother, now go to her." I said, winking at him.

Ditzy: (Violet) I except nieces and nephews by next year.

He gave me a short nod, running up to Pinkies room, I quietly followed him, wanting to see what would happen. I saw that Twilight had the same idea.

Ditzy: Do you mind, they are trying to have a moment here.

"Did you talk to Pinkie?" I whispered.

"Yes, and your brother?"

I nodded.

I heard my brother talking to Pinkie up on the balcony. "Pinkie, I need to tell you something."

Ditzy: It’s so romantic with moans of unequine creatures and the rancid smell of rotting flesh.

"Of course Sherbert." She said, following him onto the balcony.

Me and Twilight peeked around the corner to see them,

All: (Violet and Twilight) Teehee teehee.

but not be seen.

"I've been wanting to tell you this for a while, I just don't know how to put it." Sherbert said to Pinkie.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) You love me and want to get married! I accept! Ooooo! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to plan our “Pinkie Pie and Orange Sherbert are engaged now’ party! I better get started!

Doctor: (Sherbert) ...Wait, what?!

"It's okay, you can tell me anything." Pinkie responded.

Doctor: (Sherbet) My room is covered with pictures I took of you without you knowing about it.

Sherbert took a deep breath, "Pinkie, since we first started to hang out, I've grown to really care for you, you are the one pony I've cared for in this way. There is a fire burning in my chest full of feelings."

Doctor: (Pinkie) Oh! I know the perfect solution! Here’s some Pepto Bismol! It should solve all your tummy problems!

He looked into her eyes. "And I want to be with you, Pinkie, I love you."

Doctor: (Pulls out a card with a 5 on it)

Ditzy: (Pulls out a card with a 3 on it)

Pinkie Pie looked very surprised at what my brother just told her.

Doctor: She suddenly burst out laughing.

She leaned closer to him, and their lips met each others.

Doctor: They exchanged greetings and had a pleasant conversation about the weather.

They held the kiss for a few moments before separating.

Doctor” (Pinkie) Gah, do you ever brush?!

"Oh, Sherbert, I feel the same way. I love you too." She hugged him, and he hugged her back. Me and Twilight went back downstairs.

Doctor: (Violet) Pinkie...just licked him...Just Pinkie being Pinkie I guess...

"Well that went well." She said to me.

I simply smiled, "Yes, it did."

Doctor: (Twilight) With the way he was looking at her, I almost expected Pinkie to slap him.

"I'm happy for those two. I think they're cute together."

"Yeah, they are."

Ditzy: Okay, now can we get back to the zombie threat for Celestia’s sake!

Just then, my brother walked down the stairs, Pinkie by his side. He turned and gave me a wink, symbolizing that it worked. I just winked back. He took Pinkie into his own room.

Ditzy: Sherbet was crushed to death when Pinkie tightly snuggled up with him later that night.

"I think that this will be a pretty good relationship for them." I said.

Doctor: Five years later they divorced and Pinkie took custody of their two children. Sherbet fell into alcoholism and never recovered.

Author's Note:

Well, chapter five is done. Let me know what you think. Noteworthy420 requested this chapter so, here you go.

Ditzy: Curse you.

Doctor: You wanted a chapter of tacky, boring romance?

Hope you guys like it, because I did. Chapter six may include Fluttershy. *wink wink*

Ditzy: So she can be shipped with a character we have never seen before or care about.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 7

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 7

The next morning, I woke up to find that Twilight wasn't lying next to me. :

Ditzy: That’s it? Honeymoon over?

She must have been downstairs. I walked out of the room and walked downstairs, Twilight was sitting next to where Fluttershy was laying.

Doctor: Violet instantly became jealous and hateful.

She was reading a book.

"Hey, Twilight, what's going on?"

Ditzy: (Violet) Why are you with her?

She turned to me and set the book down. "Oh, good morning, Violet. I was just keeping an eye on Fluttershy. She hasn't moved since last night. And I've been worried."

Doctor: (Twilight) Flies are starting to gather around her.

I walked over to where Fluttershy was laying. I looked down at her and began stroking her mane lightly. She was a very pretty mare.

Doctor: Violet plotted to do something about that.

I began to feel her stir under my hoof. Slowly she opened her eyes. She looked up at me, then at Twilight. "Twilight? What's going on? How did I get here?"

Doctor: Fluttershy visibly stiffened when she realized a complete stranger was caressing her.

I moved away so Twilight could talk. "You were attacked last night, Fluttershy. And Violet," she said, motioning to me, "saved you and brought you here."

Fluttershy looked up at me and tried to stand up. She took a few steps and stumbled. I caught her and helped her back up. "Thank you, Violet. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here." She said, hugging me in a friendly embrace.

Doctor: (Violet) Yeah, sure. Glad to help.

I helped her lay back down so she could rest a bit. "You're welcome, Fluttershy. I'd do it for anypony."

Ditzy: (Violet) Well, anypony except Brandon. Screw that guy.

She simply played her head back and smiled. She had a pretty smile, too. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

Ditzy: So what about her animal friends? Are they ok or...

Twilight was already walking back to her room. "I'm going back to bed, Violet. I've been up with Fluttershy for a while."

Ditzy: Twilight is such a dear.

"No problem, Twilight. I'll watch her."

"Thank you, Violet."

"No problem, Twilight."

Doctor: You just said that.

She walked back to the room, leaving me with Fluttershy.

I sat with her for a few minutes until my brother walked into the room.

Doctor: (Violet) Thank Celestia, the mare barely says anything.

"Good morning, brother. What's up?" I asked him.

"Not much, just need to talk to you for a moment." He turned around and walked into the hallway.

Ditzy: (Violet) Okay, thanks. See you later!

"Okay?"

I followed him to the hallway. Then turned to him, "What is it, Sherbert? I'm in the middle of something."

Doctor: (Violet) I was just finishing telling Fluttershy how I hunt animals for fun.

"Oh, nothing. Just want to ask you how your relationship is going." He said with a sarcastic grin on his face.

"Ok, first, fine. Second, how in the name of Celestia did you find out about this?"

Doctor: He already knows about it!

"That's for me to know, and you to never find out, big sis."

Doctor: Thinking was not Violet’s strong suit.

I was so mad at him. I could've played him out where he stood.

Ditzy: His organs decorating the floor.

I leaned up to his ear, and whispered, "You're going to tell me, or you will regret keeping this a secret."

Ditzy: (Violet) If you don’t tell me, you’re going to lose some teeth!

He simply smiled at me. "You may be older, big sis, but I think we both know I would beat you."

I gave him an evil grin. "Is that a challenge?"

Ditzy: It’s time to d-d-d-duel!

"Hm, I guess it is. But I know you don't stand a cha-"

Ditzy: Violet gave him a swift kick to the groin.

He was cut off by me talking him, and pinning him to the ground with ease. "You were saying?"

Doctor: (Sherbet) You fell right into my hooves. I wanted you to do that!

He gave me an angry look. "That was a cheap shot."

Doctor: It’s your fault for being off guard.

Ditzy: Some martial artist.

"Would it make a difference?"

He answered with a strong kick to my stomach, throwing me into a nearby wall.

Doctor: Wait, what?

"Oh. It. Is. On."

Ditzy: Like Donkey Kong?

I threw myself into him, tackling him again, he rolled over, trying to pin me. We continued this cycle a few times. I threw him off of me, he nearly flew through the window.

Doctor: Their roughhousing usually was to the death.

He got up, panting, as was I.

"Give up yet?" I asked him.

Ditzy: Um, do you realize that could have killed your brother?

"Nope, you?"

"Nope."

Doctor: Violet pulled out a knife and Sherbert broke a nearby chair leg and prepared to bludgeon his sister with it.

I threw myself at him again but was stopped mid-air.

All: Za warudo!

"What the hay?"

Ditzy: It looks like gravity broke again.

My brother looked at me with a smirk on his face. "I swear I'm not doing this."

"I did." I heard a voice from behind me.

All: Nightmare Moon!?

It was Twilight.

Ditzy: And she sure was pissed.

She threw me to the wall and held me there by my wings with her magic. I tried to move but couldn't. I gave up, it was useless trying to escape.

Doctor: (Violet) Um, I can explain.

She picked up my brother and threw him against the opposite wall. Pinning him by his hooves.

"What's with all the commotion, why are you two fighting?" She asked, anger in her voice.

Ditzy: (Violet) Uh...He started it!

I sighed, "Somehow he knows about... us. I was trying to get him to tell me how he knows."

Ditzy: (Violet) By murdering him!

She turned to him, anger still in her voice. "Tell me how you know, Sherbert, or you will be on your own from now on."

Doctor: (Twilight) I will throw you to the zombies right now if you don’t answer.

He put on his usual smirk. "You think that you can beat me?"

All: Yes.

Doctor: Do you realize the situation you’re currently in?

"Obviously, you're pinned to the wall, and you can't move."

Doctor: (Sherbet) Uh, er...only because I let you.

He struggled for a moment under her grip. "Uh... Good point. Fine, I'll tell you. Soon after I started to stay here, Vinyl and Octavia told me that you and my sister were together.

Ditzy: So much for trusting them.

But she was drunk so I didn't believe her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I was saving that gin!

But I decided to ask her myself. So I confronted her and asked her, but she denied it. But I could tell she was lying because she was blushing the whole time. So now, I know you're secret."

Ditzy: (Twilight) Looks like we’ll have to kill him then to keep our secret.

Twilight seemed to relax a bit. "So it was Vinyl and Octavia. Well we'll need to confront them to find the truth

Ditzy: I don’t get it. Why it is it such a big deal?

wait, did you say she was drunk?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because there is no alcohol in this place, so that means they must have gotten it from the outside."

Ditzy: Either that or Spike is secretly hoarding alcohol.

"Well, I guess we need to see what they've been doing."

We walked to their room, only to find that the door was locked. Twilight knocked on the door.

Ditzy: With Sherbert.

"Vinyl, Octavia? We need to talk to you."

Doctor: (Twilight) You’ve been drinking without us!

There was no answer, and there was no noise coming from the inside. "Okay everypony, stand back." Twilight warned.

We did as she said just before she ripped the door open with her magic.

Doctor: Couldn’t you just teleport in?

What we saw was surprising.

Ditzy: Pinkie Pie, Vinyl, Octavia, and several others were having a rocking party.

They weren't in the room, and worse, the window was wide open.

Doctor: Ah, the old using bed sheets to escape trick.

"I'll go search for them, I have a feeling I know where they went." I suggested. I was confident I knew where they went.

Doctor: The zombie apocalypse is happening, and they’re out there looting liquor stores.

"Go," Twilight said. "But be careful." She planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I blushed a bit.

"Awww, you two are together." I heard my brother say when I turned around.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Stuff it and go to your room. I don’t want to hear another peep out of you!

Just before I took off, I grabbed my bow and prepared to

Ditzy: To shoot Sherbert.

go. Just before I did I heard a loud slap from behind me. I turned to find my brother holding his cheek, Twilight clearly slapped him.

Ditzy: Can’t say he didn’t deserve that.

Doctor: (Nods)

"Never mention this to anypony." She said to him. I couldn't help but chuckle.

All: Why!? Why is this such a big secret?!

"Ok guys, I'll be back when I find them." I said, interrupting them.

"Ok, be careful." They both said to me.

"I will, don't worry."

I tuned toward the window and took off. I was going to find these two, and the truth with them.

Ditzy: I knew there was something strange about them. They must have some evil plot!

Author's Note:

Overdue chapter. I've been busy. Also had a little attempt of humor.

Doctor: (Whinces)

Ditzy: Attempted being the key word here.

Not sure if it's funny. Let me know what you think. Oh, by the way, I still need more characters, so if you want an oc in here, let me know and I'll put them in here.

Doctor: Why use OCs when you can just use ponies that actually live in Ponyville?

And if you want to be shipped with anypony, let me know as well, Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Vinyl and Octavia are all taken though.

All: Dear Celestia!

Ditzy: Why?! Why does this story need 3+ romances?

Doctor: Why not just forget the zombies and write a romance instead? They aren’t working together!

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 8

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 8

As I flew over Ponyville, I scanned the ground for any sign of Vinyl and Octavia. I was headed to the bar that Vinyl always hung out at.

Ditzy: Why would she do that? The town is overrun with zombies!

Doctor: ..Got to hit that happy hour I guess?

She had invited me several times, I never really joined her myself though. I was not the kind of pony that was into alcohol.

Ditzy: (Violet) It was too lightweight for me.

But I did enjoy to hang out there every once in a while.

Doctor: (Violet) They had good onion petals.

however, I found the bar that Vinyl and Octavia were most likely at. I flew down and landed just in front of the door. I opened it to find something quite surprising.

Ditzy: Several zombies drinking and enjoying themselves.

Vinyl was lying on the ground, Octavia standing next to her, a worried look on her face.

Doctor: See, this is where you’re idiocy gets you.

Ditzy: Why do horror character have to be so stupid?

"What's going on here, Octavia?" I asked her.

She looked up at me with a surprised expression on her face. "She had too much to drink. I don't know how I'm going to get her back."

Doctor: ... Or she could be fine.

Ditzy: I’m sure at least one of them will die on the way back.

I went over to where Vinyl was laying and, lifting her up, allowing her to lean on my shoulder, responded. "By walking of course."

Ditzy: (Violet) I can’t fly with that fat flank on me.

"Okay, let me help you." She said, holding Vinyl up by her other side.

"But we need to hurry, we don't want to run into more of the undead."

Doctor: (Violet) Leave Vinyl for dead if things get dicey?

Ditzy: (Octavia) Right. I love her, but not at the cost of my life!

We couldn't run because then we would practically dragging Vinyl, and we couldn't go too slow because we could get caught.What I wouldn't give to be able to fly right now.

Ditzy: Did something happen to her wings and I just forgot about it?

Doctor: ...I don’t think so.

We were walking slower than we wanted, and we heard hoofsteps approaching from behind us. "Octavia, hold Vinyl."

Before waiting for an answer, I turned, drawing my bow, nearly launching it into the pony. He was a maroon colored stallion. He had a gold and yellow mane. And he wore light green shades over his eyes.

Ditzy: It’s Albert Wesker!

He was carrying a sword. "Who are you, and what are you doing with my cousin?"

Doctor: Rather nonchalant about the fact you almost died.

I was calm, knowing he could hurt us easily if he attacked.

Ditzy: That’s nothing to be calm about!

"We found her passed out in a bar. We need to get her back to the library so we can attend to her."

Ditzy: (Violet) I have heard dunking a pony’s head in ice water is a quick way to sober them up, now is good time to test that.

He didn't look convinced.

Doctor: (Pony) Going to bar during an outbreak of zombies? What kind of idiot would do that?

But he relaxed a bit. "Fine, but I'm coming with you to make sure you try nothing stupid."

Doctor: Don’t worry. I’m sure Octavia and Vinyl will make up for that.

"Very well, follow us then. I'm Violet Arrow, and this is Octavia."

"Nice to meet you two, I'm Techno Scratch, but you can just call me Techno."

"Nice to meet you too, Techno."

We began walking back in the direction of the library when we were interrupted by screaming.

Doctor: How inconsiderate!

Ditzy: Some ponies.

We all turned our heads toward the noise, save for Vinyl. I lifted my bow off my back,

"Octavia, watch Vinyl. I'm going to check it out."

Doctor: (Violet) Be sure to stand out in the open.

Without an answer I took off, heading towards the screaming.

Ditzy: Let me guess it’s conveniently Rarity.

I found a clearing full of the undead. I caught a glance of five ponies in the middle of them. Two were mares and and one was a stallion, the other two were fillies. I dove towards them and launched an arrow into the nearest undead ponies head. I landed next to one of the mares. She was a white unicorn with a curly mane.

Ditzy: Called it!

Doctor: Nice work.

The other mare was orange with a more yellow mane, she was wearing a cowboy hat. The two fillies were very scared, one had a yellow coat with a red mane, the other was white as well, with a pale purple and pink mane. And the stallion was a yellow unicorn, he had a blue mane.

Doctor: (Sighs) Another OC, joy,

Ditzy: I thought he was going to be Big Mac.

Doctor: That would make too much sense.

"Follow me, I can take you somewhere safe."

"Come on Sweetie Belle, come on Applebloom. We have to get somewhere safe." Said the white mare. She then turned to me, "Lead the way."

Doctor: So are we ever going to get an explanation where they were this whole time and why they suddenly decided to go out in the open?

I looked for any kind of opening, desperate to save these ponies. I couldn't find any, so I just started killing the undead to clear a path, the mares and fillies following me.

Ditzy: Wait, why isn’t Applejack doing anything? She could use her rope to fight off the zombies! She would never go down without a fight!

Doctor: What’s stopping Rarity from pitching in?

Soon I started to tire out, I didn't think I was going to last much longer.

Doctor: Thanks Rarity and Applejack!

Just before I was going to become too exhausted to fight, a familiar pegasus pony flew down

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash finally enters the scene!

and killed several undead with his sword,

Ditzy: Oh, nevermind.

Doctor: I don’t think Ms. Dash can enter the story until she is rescued by Violet too.

clearing the rest of the path out. He turned to me and helped the rest of us out. Once we got out, I turned to him, "Thanks, Techno,

Ditzy: (Violet) I sort of forgot you existed.

I was nearly done for."

Doctor: (Violet) In retrospect, going in alone, without backout, or any sort of plan was a bad idea.

"No problem. Come on, we got to hurry."

Once we got back to the library,

Ditzy: Wait, nopony died!

Doctor: This must be the first zombie story where a character's boundless stupidity doesn’t get them killed.

Ditzy: What kind of zombie story is this? Only one pony has died so far.

Twilight noticed the two mares and immediately helped them sit down. "What happened, Violet?"

"They were attacked, and Techno Scratch and I helped them." I said, still exhausted.

"At least everypony's safe."

Doctor: Despite all logic.

She pointed to the white mare and the white filly, "This is Rarity and her little sister Sweetie Belle."

She then motioned to the other mare and filly, "And this is Applejack and her little sister Applebloom. And this," she said, pointing to the stallion, "is Appleseed.

Doctor: Appleseed’s lines and introduction were cut for time.

Guys, this is Violet and, Techno was it?"

"Yes." Techno responded.

"And this is Octavia. Vinyl is in the other room asleep. And Fluttershy is in the other room as well."

Doctor: And Pinkie’s...somewhere.

"Pleasure meeting you all." I said to the five.

"Pleasure meeting you as well, darling." Said Rarity.

"Same here, sugarcube." Said Applejack.

Ditzy: Wow, Rarity and Applejack finally get to say something.

Then Twilight spoke, "You are all free to stay here if you like."

Ditzy: Wait a second.

Doctor: What is it?

Ditzy: Where’s Spike!? He hasn’t shown up once yet!

Doctor: It seems like he doesn’t even exist in this universe.

Ditzy: (Grumbles)

"Thank you, Twilight." They all said to her.

"You're all very welcome." She said back. With that, she went back to her room, I followed her. Once we were alone, I asked her, "Are you okay, Twilight? You seem a little off."

Ditzy: You look the wrong colors and have a picture your face strapped to your head.

She let out a sigh, "I'm fine, Violet, I'm just happy that most of our friends are safe."

"So who's next?"

"Last, but not least, we need Rainbow Dash."

Ditzy: Who, of course, will be ignored in favor of Violet and a random OC.

Author's Note:

Sorry this wasn't uploaded earlier, I've been busy with school.

Ditzy: (Author) I’m getting my law degree at Hoofvord.

But after this Friday, I'll be free all summer and updates will be more frequent. Credit for Techno Scratch belongs to Woodenbrony27. Appleseed belongs to LightmanBrony. Let me know what you think. And sorry for being late again. Next, Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Thankfully no forced painfully romance this time.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 9

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 9

Rainbow Dash... where have I heard that name before? Was she an old friend from flight school? Were we enemies?

Ditzy: Why am I not surprised? She has been shoehorned in everypony else’s lives. It won’t surprise me if it turned out she was my long lost twin sister at this point.

Doctor: Ah contrivance.

I can't remember.

"You okay, Violet? You've been staring out that window for fifteen minutes."

Doctor: And drooling with an empty look on your face.

I was jerked back to reality when I heard Twilight's voice. "Yes, Twilight. It's just that I feel like I know Rainbow Dash from a long time ago, and I can't remember."

Doctor: (Violet) Gah, this is going to bug me for the rest of the day.

"Don't worry, we'll find her. If she's not in Cloudsdale, she may be in the outskirts of Ponyville."

Ditzy: Probably sleeping in a tree completely ignorant of what’s happening in Ponyville.

"Why would she be in the outskirts of Ponyville?"

Ditzy: Because that’s where she lives?

"I don't know, she likes to hang out there a lot. I'm not quite sure why."

Ditzy: To spy on a certain pony that works at Sweet Apples Acres, and nap of course.

"Well, we'll have to find her then now don't we."

"Yes, and soon, before it's too late."

Doctor: (Violet) But forget about that for now. Vinyl brought some booze from the bar. Drinks all around!

"I'll gather the other pegasi and search Cloudsdale. You and the others can search around the rest of Ponyville."

Ditzy: Or just catch her attention with a signal of some kind.

"Agreed."

The sun was setting behind the mountains, showing an outline of Canterlot. This reminded me of what Princess Luna had told me.

"Twilight? There's something I should have told you.

Doctor: (Violet) When I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget.

It's about the other night when I told you about what happened."

"Sure, Violet, anything." We looked concerned.

Ditzy: (Violet) What else does Luna know about? It was only one time really!

I took a breath to clear my thoughts. "Well, I told you I couldn't sleep, but, it was actually because of what I dreamt about. Princess Luna came to me in my dream. She warned me about these... things.

Doctor: That you already knew about and gave you little clue of what they are and how to stop them.

She said we need to go to Canterlot, and that I was the only hope for Equestria's survival.

Doctor: (Snorts) Only hope.

And then she left me."

"Wow. I guess that means as soon as we find Rainbow Dash, we need to get to Canterlot."

Ditzy: (Violet) Unless it is some sort of Nightmare Moon trick!

"Yes. I don't think Ponyville will last much longer."

Ditzy: Especially considering you’re not really looking for survivors.

"Well, we need to find her as soon as possible. We'll go tomorrow morning. It's the safest time."

Doctor: The zombies haven’t had their coffee yet.

"Okay, we need to tell the others of the plan."

"Of course."

With that, we exited the room and walked down the stairs. Twilight called everypony to the main room so we could discuss the plan.

Doctor: Operation Rescue Dash is go!

Once everypony was there, she spoke. "Okay everypony, as you most likely know, we need to find Rainbow Dash. Now Violet here, May know the most possible places we can find her."

Ditzy: You don’t even know her.

Doctor: Wouldn’t that be Pinkie, you know, her best friend? And the one that can somehow find her wherever she hides.

She stepped to the side, allowing me to speak.

Doctor: (Violet) Because I’m the most important person in the universe.

Ditzy: Even the Doctor goes to her for help!

"Well," I started, "the first possible place she may be is, obviously Cloudsdale.

Doctor: No, it’s her house.

But as you know, only pegasi can reach it so,

Doctor: Cloud walking spell?

Fluttershy, Techno, you're coming with me."

Fluttershy interrupted with a frightened expression. "What? I can't do that. I'd be hurting other ponies."

Doctor: (Violet) Suck it up. It’s kill or be killed. You will kill zombies and like it.

"Fluttershy, without your help, we will lose Rainbow Dash, and probably all of Ponyville."

"I understand, but, I'd still be hurting them."

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Zombies have feelings too you insensitive jerk!

"Fluttershy, they want to hurt us, they want to destroy everything and everypony.

Ditzy: More like they just want to eat your brains.

Do you want that?"

Doctor: (Fluttershy) If they’re nice about it maybe?

"No, but I still won't hurt them."

Ditzy: (Violet) You pansy.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I’m perfectly happy with being a pansy thank you very much.

"Fine, but you still have to come with us."

"Okay”

Ditzy: (Violet) We are going to turn you into a harden killer yet!

With the argument over, I turned to the rest. "The rest of you, will go with Twilight to search the rest of Ponyville for any sign of Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Hmm, Rainbow Dash tracks… two, three day old.

You will stay together.

Doctor: Of course Vinyl will probably sneak off to go drink at a bar again.

When we find Rainbow Dash, we will find each other and head to the train station."

"Why there?

Doctor: Yeah, it’s not like they would actually be running or anything.

Can't we just meet back here?" Asked Applejack. "And what about the fillies, won't we be putting them in danger if we brought them along?"

Ditzy: (Violet) No, everypony helps! Everypony!

Doctor: (Applejack) But…

Ditzy: (Violet) I don’t want to hear it. Give them a sword and put them a group.

"She's right, darling, with them, things could get more dangerous than it needs to be." Said Rarity.

"Good point, very well, Applejack, Rarity, you two will stay here and keep watch on the fillies.

Ditzy: Why can’t Fluttershy stay behind and watch the fillies?

Doctor: Sure, let Applejack, one of your most capable allies, stay behind, but bring Fluttershy, a pony afraid of her own shadow.

Okay does everypony know their duties for this mission.?"

"Yes, mare." They said in unison.

"Good, we leave at sunrise tomorrow, the more time, the better. Everypony rest now, we need to have as much energy as possible."

Doctor: (Vinyl) Drinks all around! Let’s party until we can’t stand straight!

They all nodded and dispersed to their own rooms, leaving me and Twilight alone. She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. "You did well, maybe you have what it takes to lead us."

Doctor: (Twilight) I was convinced that you would lead us to our horrible deaths, but it looks like you might pull this off.

That shocked me. "Lead? What do you mean?"

Doctor: (Twilight) Verb. To direct the operations, activity, or performance of.

"You should be the leader of the group, everypony looks up to you. We would be lost without you."

Ditzy: You’re just that freaking special!

"But would they agree if I took charge?"

Doctor: You just did.

"I'm sure they will."

"Fine, I'll consider, but now we need to rest."

Ditzy: 80 percent of the fic is resting.

"Okay, let's go to bed."

I had another dream that night. I was walking through a field full of beautiful flowers. Some were roses and daisies, even violets. It was a beautiful landscape. I was shocked out of my trance when a pony walked up from behind me.

Ditzy: (Hopeful) It was a zombie?

It was Princess Luna.

Ditzy: Dang it.

Doctor: We should be so lucky.

"Hello again, Princess." I said, bowing to her.

"Good evening, Violet. I see you have taken the role as leader."

"Well, actually, I'm not sure what to do. I haven't decided."

Doctor: (Violet) I can’t handle the pressures of command! It’s too much for me!

"You should accept the offer, everypony respects you, and look up to you."

Doctor: At this point you might as well just make her the Element of Magic too.

I pondered it for a moment. "Okay, I'll do it."

Ditzy: Gee, glad to see it was such a difficult decision for you.

She placed a hoof on my shoulder. "Violet, before I go, I must tell you.

Doctor: (Luna) We in the castle are taking bets. We have 100 bits riding on thy success. Don’t fail us.

During this adventure your having, you will experience some of the worst hardships of your life.

All: (Scoffs)

Doctor: Have you seen what fic we are in?

Once you get to Canterlot, me and my sister will be waiting for you in the royal hall. Come with Twilight alone.

Doctor: You are the only ones that matter in this fic.

We shall speak again there, but for now, good luck, Violet Arrow. The fate of Equestria, is in your hooves."

Ditzy: (Luna) The slightest mistake could doom us all. No pressure.

I woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily.

Doctor: Luna threw her off a cliff to wake her faster.

Twilight was still asleep next to me. I looked out the window. It was still dark out. The moon was shining brightly. I layed back down and went back to sleep. This time no dreams showed themselves.

Ditzy: The poor dreams are shy. Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you.

I woke up the next morning, ready for what was in store. We were going to save the final Element of Harmony.

Doctor: There is something really insulting talking about Rainbow Dash like she’s a princess that needs to be rescued in a tower.

I headed down the stairs to find everypony ready for me. They were all determined to finish this.

Ditzy: The sooner this fic ends the better.

"Techno, Fluttershy and I will go ahead to Cloudsdale, we will meet up later. Everypony ready?"

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) No! Not really!

Doctor: (Violet) No pony? Good. Let’s move out.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy)(Whimpers)

"Yes, mare." They all responded in unison.

"Then let's go, the faster we find Rainbow Dash, the better."

The pegasi flew out the door an into the skies. I looked down and saw Twilight taking her team to the rest of Ponyville. I turned to face the others.

"Okay listen, we don't know what to expect in Cloudsdale, so we need to fast and carefully.

Ditzy: (Hopeful) Maybe some of the infected ponies have mutated into horrible unkillable monstrosities?

We will search the whole place for Rainbow Dash."

Soon we saw the cloud city come into view. And we didn't see much until we got closer.

Everything was destroyed, there were undead everywhere, and there were no signs of any survivors anywhere.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Well look at that. No survivors. Maybe Rainbow Dash is somewhere else. We should probably get going!

Except for the only three there, fighting a horde of these things. Well, only two were fighting, the last was a filly. The stallion to the left was dark grey with a shiny yellow mane and yellow eyes. The young filly in between the two was orange with a purple mane.

Ditzy: What she even doing in Cloudsdale? She can’t fly.

But the mare to the right was the one that I knew we were looking for. She had a cyan coat, her mane a multicolored rainbow. She had magenta eyes. I knew for sure she had to be Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Sure, why not.

"Rainbow Dash!" I shouted, hoping to get her attention. It worked,

Doctor: Causing her to get swarmed by zombies.

she saw me and flew toward us, the dark grey stallion carrying the filly following close behind.

"Who are you?" She asked me.

"I'll explain later, but now, we have to find Twilight and the others."

"Wait, you know Twilight?"

"Yes, now let's hurry, we gotta get out of here."

Ditzy: (Rainbow) How do I know I can trust? You could just be luring me a trap where you pit me against zombies for sport.

"Right, let's go." We flew off of the cloud city just before the undead surrounded us.

After we flew for a few minutes, we spotted the other group, still searching.

"TWILIGHT! WE FOUND RAINBOW DASH!"

Ditzy: It didn’t even take them 10 minutes to find her! They didn’t even get attacked!

Doctor: Why must everything be so easy?

She looked up at me and nodded, signaling to the others and heading back to the library to pick up Applejack and Rarity.

She returned with the others and we all headed to the train station. Once we arrived, we all made sure everypony was okay.

Doctor: Twilight insisted on testing everyone’s blood for infection first.

"Okay everypony," I said to them, "I'm going to try and get the train started,

Doctor: (Violet) I took a corresponding course in railroad engineering.

then we can head to Canterlot."

I entered the train and managed to start it up. Once everypony was situated, we introduced ourselves to the new ponies.

Ditzy: Maybe you should get name tags.

"I'm Violet Arrow, nice to meet you, Rainbow Dash."

"Hmm. Violet Arrow, where have I heard that name before.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Oh right, on Equestria’s Most Wanted.

Sounds familiar, oh yeah, from flight school, we were the best of friends, don't you remember?"

"It's been a long time, but yes, a bit of it. Well, nice to see you again."

"Yup, we should hang out more, and by the way guys, this is Storm Chaser. He's one of my best friends."

Ditzy: Why must everypony know each other in some way!? Why?!

Doctor: I’ve heard it’s a small world but this is ridiculous.

"Hey, nice to meet you guys." He said to us.

Well now, since we're together now, we can head for Canterlot."

"Agreed, we should be there by sunrise if all goes well." Twilight said to me.

Doctor: I’m starting to think days in this world are only 6 hours long.

"Come on, Violet. We need to rest."

Doctor: Rest?! You barely did anything! You didn’t even tangle with some zombies!:

"I'm coming, Twilight."

I followed her to the last car. She shut the door behind me and closed the shade. She layed down on the bed, and I joined her.

Doctor: So, who is piloting the train?

"Twilight?"

"Yes, Violet?"

"I had another dream last night, Princess Luna visited me again."

"What did she say?"

"There is going to be a lot of hardships.

All: (Laugh)

Doctor: (Wipes a tear from his eye) Sure there will be.

She said that when we get to Canterlot, we need to see her and Celestia in the royal hall."

"Well, we know now what we're going to do."

"Yeah, do you have the Elements?"

All: What?!

Doctor: Why can’t you use them now?

"Yes, they're in my bags."

"Okay then, good night, Twilight."

"Good night, Violet."

Ditzy: You aren’t even going to cuddle?

As I closed my eyes to sleep, I heard Luna's voice, "Good luck, Violet Arrow. I'll be waiting for you."

Doctor: (Violet) Wah! What are you doing in our bed Luna?!

Ponyville has fallen, but we live to fight another day, with the Elements of Harmony, we can win this.

Author's Note:

So far my longest chapter. Storm Chaser Chaseris an oc that belongs to DFShadow. So we found all the mane 6. And headed to Canterlot. Will the Elements work or fail?

Ditzy: I bet they will fail and will only work through Twilight’s and Violet’s true love.

Next update coming soon.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 10

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 10

I was awoken by the sound of the train stopping. We have arrived in Canterlot, possibly the one place in Equestria that hasn't fallen yet.

Doctor: So you’re finally acknowledging the severity of the situation.

"Well, we're here. I guess we need to go see the Princesses now?" I asked Twilight.

Ditzy: Yeah, so we can finally get this over with.

"Yeah, let's get off the train, the others are probably waiting for us."

"Okay, let's go."

Ditzy: (Violet) Where is everypony?

Doctor: (Twilight) Wait a sec...this isn’t Canterlot!,

We exited the train to find a few royal guards waiting for us. "Twilight Sparkle, Violet Arrow?" One of the guards asked.

"Yes." Twilight answered.

"Come with us, the Princesses are expecting you. We will escort you to them and your friends to a safe place."

Ditzy: (Vinyl) Will there be booze?

Doctor: (Guard) No.

Ditzy: (Vinyl) Lame.

We followed them into the royal hall, the doors swung open, revealing Princess Celestia sitting on the throne, Luna sitting next to her.

Ditzy: They never gave her a throne.

"Ah, Twilight, Violet, you're here. We've been waiting for you two."

Doctor: (Celestia) I thought you would be here days from now. What took you so long?

Princess Celestia said in a nice tone.

Ditzy: That had an undertone of hostility.

"Hello, Princess Celestia, good to see you again." Twilight responded.

"We have summoned you here because Canterlot is being threatened by the same enemy

Doctor: If you aren't going to call them zombies, at least give them some sort of name.

that caused the fall of Ponyville. We need your help to defeat this enemy, you two are Equestria's only hope."

Ditzy: (Celestia) Fighting them off ourselves seemed like too much work.

Twilight looked up at the Princess. "Don't worry, princess, we have the Elements of Harmony, they should be able to stop these things."

Ditzy: (Twilight) We could have used used them in Ponyville, but I didn’t want to disappoint you Princess and break one of your commands.

The princess nodded. "Good luck, my little ponies. The fate of Equestria, is in your hooves."

All: Don’t mess this up.

"We won't let you down."

"I know you won't."

Doctor: (Celetia) But just in case we have a hidden bunker we can stay in until this all blows over.

With that, we left the royal hall. The royal guards led us back to where we would be staying.

Ditzy: Staying… just finish the zombies now!

Doctor: It’s like they can’t do anything without resting first.

It was a large mansion, definitely big enough for all of us. Once we went inside, the others were already getting settled.

Doctor: Rarity complained about all the things left in Ponyville that she couldn’t leave without.

"How is everypony doing?" I asked them.

"Great," Applejack answered. "Pinkie and your brother are upstairs, Fluttershy is in the other room, the fillies are in the room next door, Vinyl, Octavia, and Techno are in the room next to them, Rainbow Dash and Storm Chaser are in the room next door to Rarity, Appleseed and I stay, and you two get the master bedroom upstairs."

"Thanks so much, Applejack." Twilight said.

"Of course, you know how much couples need their space."

Doctor: (Applejack) The last thing I want to see is ya gettin’ it on.

Ditzy: Wait, if that is the case, why don’t Vinyl and Octavia have their own room?

"Yeah, okay, thanks again, Applejack."

Ditzy: (Twilight) Don’t wink at me like that, nothing is going to happen!

We walked up to the room that Applejack had mentioned earlier. It looked very cozy. There was a large bed in the middle of the room, a desk in the corner, writing supplies already there, there was more decor that we didn't recognize.

Doctor: They were bizarre, like something out of Wackyland.

"Well this is nice." I mentioned to Twilight.

Doctor: Said in a way that makes me think it’s absolutely awful.

Ditzy: No need to be so polite Violet.

"It is, even has a whole bookshelf full of magic spells." She pointed out.

Ditzy: None of which I bet will actually mean anything.

"Woah, how'd I miss that of all things."

"I don't know. Maybe you're just not that good at spotting books." She teased.

"Maybe not."

Doctor: (Violet) Books are those things you sit in right?

"Well, before we get off task, do you think the Elements will even work?"

Doctor: Based on what do you have your doubts about the Elements failing?! Explain your reasoning already!

Ditzy: They beat Discord, Lord of Chaos!

"I hope so, because if they don't, then we will have to result in an all out battle, which I don't want."

Ditzy: No kidding. I just want this fic over with already!

"They'll work, they have to."

We layed on the bed, snuggling with each other.

"So, who do you think of all the group is the cutest together?" I asked, changing the subject.

Doctor: Yes, don’t focus on your problems. Go on about irrelevant nonsense no one cares about.

She giggled at the sudden change, but answered, "Definitely your brother and Pinkie."

I giggled too, "Yeah, they are cute."

Doctor: Maybe if you actually developed their romance I might think that.

"So what do you want to do when this whole thing blows over?"

All: A trip to Disneyland!

"Hmm. Well, I've always wondered who's faster, me or Rainbow Dash."

She merely laughed. "Twenty Bits says you lose."

Doctor: This really hurt Violet’s feelings.

"You're on, let's just wait until all this is over."

Ditzy: (Violet) Stop laughing!

She leaned in and kissed me, we kissed several times before, but this was really the best.

All: (Yawns)

I felt a tear run down my cheek.

Doctor: She saw a pony littering outside the window.

Twilight seemed to have noticed, because she broke the kiss.

"What's wrong, Violet?"

"I'm just so happy I'm with the one pony I love the most."

All: (Belching)

We leaned in and kissed again, I wouldn't know what I would do if she was gone.

All: We get it already! You love each other!

We stayed like this until we were interrupted by knocking at the door.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia almighty! All they ever talk about is how much they love each other.

"Come in." Twilight said.

The door opened to reveal the small filly who was with Rainbow Dash. Her purple mane slightly messy.

Ditzy: (Violet) You comb that mane right this instance little missy!

"Umm. Hi, sorry to interrupt you. I'm Scootaloo. And Rainbow Dash was telling me all these great stories about you two and all your competition you two had in flight school.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) You lost 101 to 1. She said you were the most laughable racer she has ever faced.

Is it true you were the only one that came close to Rainbow Dash? Is it true you almost beat her in a race?"

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) When she was sick with Feather Flu.

I walked up to her and stroked her mane, "Yup, it's all true, and one day, I will try to beat her.

Doctor: I thought you didn’t remember anything about her.

She smiled and walked back out the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Looks like you have a new fan." Twilight said.

Ditzy: Starting the Violet Arrow fan club no doubt.

"Yeah, everypony admired my ability to keep up with Rainbow. I was the only one that could compete. So we became friends."

Doctor: Ahem, and I quote, “Rainbow Dash... where have I heard that name before? Was she an old friend from flight school? Were we enemies? I can't remember.”.

"I still say you can't beat her."

"I may not be able to beat her, but I sure as hay can try."

Doctor: And then we can all find amusement ni your miserable failure.

"Whatever, let's get some rest."

"Fine." I layed next to her and shut my eyes.

We were interrupted again by knocking on the door.

Doctor: (Violet) Oh for the love of...

"Come in." Twilight said.

The door opened to reveal this time, all three of the fillies. Applebloom spoke first.

"Sorry for interrupting you again, but we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and we were wondering if you could tell us the story of how you got your cutie mark."

I giggled at the sudden request.

Doctor: It was a violent horrible story.

It has been a long time since I've told anypony how I got my cutie mark. I glanced back to my cutie mark, it was a violet bow and arrow, but I still remember the story as if it was yesterday.

Doctor: It was actually last Tuesday.

"Okay, I'll tell you three, but take a seat." Once they settled down, I began the story. "Well, it all started in flight school with Rainbow Dash, as you know, we were best friends.

Ditzy: Except not.

Doctor: Friends as in you were that one annoying kid that wouldn’t stop challenging her to races.

Anyway, I had read a few books about archery, the art of shooting bows and arrows." I pulled out my bow and handed it to the fillies. "This one, is my first bow, I made it myself.

Doctor: The Crusaders gave a bewildered look at how poorly made it was.

But I practiced everything it said in the book, posture, how to aim it, steady breathing, but I never managed to hit the target.

Ditzy: (Violet) Accidently crippled my uncle for life with a stray shot.

But, I kept trying, and with a lot of persistence, I finally did it, but not only that, it went through the target, shattering the whole thing.

Ditzy: (Violet) A piece accidentally blinded a nearby pony in one eye for life.

I don't know how I did it, but it did. I then noticed that something was different about my flanks,

Doctor: (Violet) I need to go on a diet.

I had finally gotten my cutie mark."

"Wow, such an amazing story." Said Scootaloo.

All: Not really.

Doctor: Seems a little standard and dull to me.

"Yeah," Shouted Applebloom.

"Umm, do you think you could teach us to do that?" Said Sweetie Belle.

"Of course, but not now, I'll have to make you each your own bows."

All: No! Bad idea!

"Yay!!" They all shouted, "Thank you, Violet."

They left the room, clearly excited for the lessons to start.

Doctor: Which they will give up fifteen minutes later when the fail and realize archery isn’t their special talent.

"Those fillies, they never stop trying." I heard Twilight say.

"They're just fillies, they'll learn someday."

All: Someday.

"But not today." She let out a sigh. "Violet, what do you think life will be like after all this is over?"

Ditzy: The world will be in ruins and gangs of violent thugs with mohawks will wander around the barren world and terrorize the countryside taking and killing whatever they want.

"I don't know, it'll never be the same again, but we will recover."

Doctor: Too bad we can’t seethe damage the zombie apocalypse is causing

We snuggled closer to each other on the bed, Twilight leaned her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, Violet."

"I love you too, Twilight"

Doctor: At least they aren’t using stupid pet names like Schmoopy-Doo.

Ditzy: What’s wrong with Schmoopy-Doo?

This day is done,

Doctor: At 6 o’clock.

and we live to fight another day,

Ditzy: You can do it right now! What’s stopping you!?

the final battle is imminent.

Ditzy: (Hums One Winged Angel)

We will defeat this enemy, or die trying.

Author's Note:

Another chapter. Almost done! Just the final battle and then it's done. But if you want me to make a sequel, I will. But it will just be life afterwards. Recovery, New experiences, a bunch of stuff like that.

Ditzy: Sounds ever more boring.

Doctor: Yes, because we care so much about these characters.

But if you want me to write a sequel, then say so. I'm willing to continue the story. But I have to finish this one first.

Ditzy: Hey, maybe the author will lose interest like twow443 did!

Doctor: If we could be so lucky.

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 11

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 11

"Violet, wake up. It's time." Twilight said, nudging me.

"Okay, I'm up,

Ditzy: (Violet) It’s 4 in the morning!

Doctor: (Twilight) We’re on a vital mission, we can’t afford to be idle

get the Elements."

"Taken care of, the others have them."

Doctor: It’s almost as if we don’t need you at all.

"Good, let's finish this, once and for all."

Ditzy: (Bulk Biceps) Yeah!

We walked into the main room, the others were already there.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What took you? We’ve been ready for like forever!

I spoke first, "The final battle is among us everypony, and we will need everypony's help. We have all the Elements of Harmony. But if they fail,

Doctor: (Violet) I plan on collapsing Canterlot down the mountain. Better dead than undead.

then it will result in an all out battle. We have for win this, or all of Equestria will fall.

Doctor: I don’t know about that… the zombies don’t seem that dangerous.

Ditzy: Yeah, they seem pretty easy to fight off.

Doctor: Just gather the survivors and barricade them into strongholds until the zombies decay into uselessness.

So who's with me?"

All: (Crowd) Um, well…

Everypony raised a hoof, save for the fillies, but that was understandable.

Doctor: (Violet) But we are going to make them fight anyway. They will make great fodder.

"We will all help you." Applejack said.

Ditzy: Now you’re doing something.

"Good, now.the Element bearers will have to be the last to attack, just in case they don't work.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Um, I was thinking maybe I could…

Doctor: (Violet) Shut up Fluttershy. Nopony cares what you think.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Ok….

The rest of us will be in the battlefield, fighting these things."

"Sounds like a plan, pretty straightforward. Just how I like it." Responded Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) If Twilight came up with the plan, I won’t have understanded half of it or just fell asleep.

"But if the Elements don't work, we will need you to join the battle."

Doctor: (Rainbow) Didn’t you just say that?

Ditzy: (Violet) I...um… just wanted to get that point across to everypony.

"We will. We will defeat these things." Rainbow Dash commented.

"Thank you all. And if we don't win this fight, I would like you all to know that

Doctor: (Violet) You’re brains will be very tasty to the zombies.

it has been a true honor fighting alongside you all."

Doctor: (Violet) Except you Fluttershy.

With that, I walked out of the mansion and looked to the outskirts of Canterlot. It was being surrounded by the undead.

Doctor: (Zombie) Uh, we’re here for the climactic battle. Where should we stand?

"Umm, Twilight?" I called for her.

"What is it, Violet?"

I pointed to the undead, and her fave went blank in shock.

Doctor: (Twilight) What are those things? I’ve ever seen anything like them!

"Gather the Elements, now. We have to take action."

We all gathered along the outside wall of Canterlot. It was surrounded, there was no way out.

Doctor: (Violet) We’re trapped! Trapped! No way out! Game over!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Can’t you fly?

I was ready to leap into the air when Twilight stopped me.

"Be careful, Violet."

Doctor: (Twilight) Take this, it’s my favorite copy of War and Peace. It will keep you safe. Think of me as you carry it.

I responded by kissing her. I knew she understood. "I will."

Ditzy: (Violet) With the power of love on my side I will….arghffff.

II leapt into the air. Shooting arrows into the heads of the undead. Killing them all instantly. There were more pegasi fighting in the same way, but they didn't have the best aim, sometimes missing them entirely.

Ditzy: Because they are nowhere near as special as Violet!

There were ground fighters fighting the undead, killing every pony who attacked. There were fireballs being blasted into the horde by unicorns on the walls, burning most of them. However, the ground troops were forced back into the walls, being overpowered by the undead.

All: (Yawn)

Doctor: This is so suspenseful. I can barely keep in my seat.

I flew back in the direction of Twilight, and I landed next to her. "Twilight, use the Elements."

Doctor: Twilight looked at her as if she was an idiot.

She nodded, summoning the others. "Now." She shouted. The Elements started to glow bright, and the ponies began to hover into the air. But before much more than that happened, it stopped, and they all fell to the ground. I helped Twilight up.

All: ...

"What happened Twilight?" I asked.

She struggled to get up, "I'm not powerful enough to use the Element of Magic,

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh wait nevermind, Fluttershy and Pinkie put on the wrong element. Silly us.

it's not going to work."

All: (Facehoof)

Ditzy: What?! What’s different from the last few times?!

"Yes, it will work, it has to." I leaned forward and kissed her, tears sliding down my cheeks. Twilight's eyes opened and glowed a bright white, and the Elements started to glow again,

All: …

Ditzy: I was being sarcastic!

this time sending a twisting rainbow into the horde, destroying every last one.

Ditzy: Those poor zombies, they were the most interesting characters in the story.

Doctor: They had more personality and life than the protagonists.

We all landed on the ground, Twilight and I never breaking the kiss. When we did, she hugged me tight.

Doctor: Hate to burst your celebration, but it looks like you only destroyed the zombies in Canterlot.

"Thank you, Violet. Without you, it wouldn't have worked."

Doctor: Yes because love conquers all. Bleh.

"We're safe now, we won, Equestria is saved. We are all together, and I couldn't be happier."

Doctor: While surrounded by the freshly dead and dying moaning in pain.

Author's Note:

Well, there you have it, finished! There will be an epilogue, but we won the battle. But what next? If you want a sequel, just say so.

All: No! For Celestia’s sake no!

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Epilogue

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 11

"Violet, wake up. It's time." Twilight said, nudging me.

"Okay, I'm up,

Ditzy: (Violet) It’s 4 in the morning!

Doctor: (Twilight) We’re on a vital mission, we can’t afford to be idle

get the Elements."

"Taken care of, the others have them."

Doctor: It’s almost as if we don’t need you at all.

"Good, let's finish this, once and for all."

Ditzy: (Bulk Biceps) Yeah!

We walked into the main room, the others were already there.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What took you? We’ve been ready for like forever!

I spoke first, "The final battle is among us everypony, and we will need everypony's help. We have all the Elements of Harmony. But if they fail,

Doctor: (Violet) I plan on collapsing Canterlot down the mountain. Better dead than undead.

then it will result in an all out battle. We have for win this, or all of Equestria will fall.

Doctor: I don’t know about that… the zombies don’t seem that dangerous.

Ditzy: Yeah, they seem pretty easy to fight off.

Doctor: Just gather the survivors and barricade them into strongholds until the zombies decay into uselessness.

So who's with me?"

All: (Crowd) Um, well…

Everypony raised a hoof, save for the fillies, but that was understandable.

Doctor: (Violet) But we are going to make them fight anyway. They will make great fodder.

"We will all help you." Applejack said.

Ditzy: Now you’re doing something.

"Good, now.the Element bearers will have to be the last to attack, just in case they don't work.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Um, I was thinking maybe I could…

Doctor: (Violet) Shut up Fluttershy. Nopony cares what you think.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Ok….

The rest of us will be in the battlefield, fighting these things."

"Sounds like a plan, pretty straightforward. Just how I like it." Responded Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) If Twilight came up with the plan, I won’t have understanded half of it or just fell asleep.

"But if the Elements don't work, we will need you to join the battle."

Doctor: (Rainbow) Didn’t you just say that?

Ditzy: (Violet) I...um… just wanted to get that point across to everypony.

"We will. We will defeat these things." Rainbow Dash commented.

"Thank you all. And if we don't win this fight, I would like you all to know that

Doctor: (Violet) You’re brains will be very tasty to the zombies.

it has been a true honor fighting alongside you all."

Doctor: (Violet) Except you Fluttershy.

With that, I walked out of the mansion and looked to the outskirts of Canterlot. It was being surrounded by the undead.

Doctor: (Zombie) Uh, we’re here for the climactic battle. Where should we stand?

"Umm, Twilight?" I called for her.

"What is it, Violet?"

I pointed to the undead, and her fave went blank in shock.

Doctor: (Twilight) What are those things? I’ve ever seen anything like them!

"Gather the Elements, now. We have to take action."

We all gathered along the outside wall of Canterlot. It was surrounded, there was no way out.

Doctor: (Violet) We’re trapped! Trapped! No way out! Game over!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Can’t you fly?

I was ready to leap into the air when Twilight stopped me.

"Be careful, Violet."

Doctor: (Twilight) Take this, it’s my favorite copy of War and Peace. It will keep you safe. Think of me as you carry it.

I responded by kissing her. I knew she understood. "I will."

Ditzy: (Violet) With the power of love on my side I will….arghffff.

Ditzy: Because they are nowhere near as special as Violet!

All: (Yawn)

Doctor: This is so suspenseful. I can barely keep in my seat.

I flew back in the direction of Twilight, and I landed next to her. "Twilight, use the Elements."

Doctor: Twilight looked at her as if she was an idiot.

All: ...

"What happened Twilight?" I asked.

She struggled to get up, "I'm not powerful enough to use the Element of Magic,

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh wait nevermind, Fluttershy and Pinkie put on the wrong element. Silly us.

it's not going to work."

All: (Facehoof)

Ditzy: What?! What’s different from the last few times?!

"Yes, it will work, it has to." I leaned forward and kissed her, tears sliding down my cheeks. Twilight's eyes opened and glowed a bright white, and the Elements started to glow again,

All: …

Ditzy: I was being sarcastic!

this time sending a twisting rainbow into the horde, destroying every last one.

Ditzy: Those poor zombies, they were the most interesting characters in the story.

Doctor: They had more personality and life than the protagonists.

We all landed on the ground, Twilight and I never breaking the kiss. When we did, she hugged me tight.

Doctor: Hate to burst your celebration, but it looks like you only destroyed the zombies in Canterlot.

"Thank you, Violet. Without you, it wouldn't have worked."

Doctor: Yes because love conquers all. Bleh.

"We're safe now, we won, Equestria is saved. We are all together, and I couldn't be happier."

Doctor: While surrounded by the freshly dead and dying moaning in pain.

Author's Note:

Well, there you have it, finished! There will be an epilogue, but we won the battle. But what next? If you want a sequel, just say so.

All: No! For Celestia’s sake no!

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 1

Hello everyone! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. Today we will be reading ‘An "Unreal" Day’ by Brian Jacko. It’s a story where Twilight and her friends play Unreal Tournement. The twist is that they are playing the game in real life! This is a lot more boring than it sounds. I haven’t played Unreal Tournament, so no Unreal in-jokes sadly. I also didn’t feel like playing the game just to help riff this story. The fic didn’t exactly endear me into playing the game. So this is pretty much a blind impression of the game. Should be interesting.

The fic is rated ‘M’, but it isn’t really that violent. ‘Darkness of Love’ was more violent than this fic, and most of the violence is pretty cartoony. So don’t expect ‘Cupcakes’ levels of violence. Thank goodness. Next we will be reading Dax's Despair by Dark Angel AW. A fic that was requested to me by the author himself. Anyway, on with the fic!

Special thanks to Brian Jacko for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 1

The control room was decorated with lights, stars, and other Hearth’s Warming decorations. Like her mother, Dinky loved to decorate for the season. Similarly, her parents had decorated the entire facility. A large Hearth’s Warming Eve tree stood in the middle of the main meeting room covered top to bottom with lights, ornaments, and a long red ribbon. Various gifts could be found under it. Both her parents were in good spirits. Despite not exactly being the holiday that the Doctor enjoyed in his home dimension, something called Christmas, the Doctor loved Hearth’s Warming Eve. She looked back fondly at all the fun Hearth’s Warming Eve get-togethers they did every year. Her father would play with her under the tree and tell stories. They would go caroling and look at all the beautiful decorations around Ponyville. Her mother would cook a feast fit for a Princess and seemed to sparkle during this time of the year. Dinky sighed, she thought back to her sister. Her dear and loving gone but never forgot sister Amethyst. It left a deep hole in her heart. All those happy memories had her in it, and making them both happy and painful. It reminded her just how important it was to complete her mission.

She turned around and noticed Star Shot walking through the control room door. Dinky noticed that, while she was smiling, she didn’t have the holiday cheer that everypony else had. She could never quite understand this strange and mysterious pony. Something about her was off somehow. There was something cold and distant about her. Sometimes she questioned taking help from this odd pony, but she really didn’t have much choice. After all too much was on the line.

“Hey kiddo, Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve.” Star Shot greeted.

Dinky nodded back. “Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

“So, what are our guests up to?” Star Shot gestured to the monitors.

“Playing in the garden.” The Doctor requested for snow and he insisted that it won’t be Hearth’s Warming Eve without it and Dinky couldn’t argue with that. Currently, the Doctor and his companion were throwing snowballs at each other from snow forts they built. It was an intense battle with neither side gaining much advantage.

“They seem to be having fun.” Star Shot commented as she watched Ditzy get hit by a snowball laughing all the way.

Dinky looked upon the battle sadly. She would give anything to be with them right now. It took all her willpower not to get out of her chair and join them right then and there. She decided to detract herself by switching to business. “Have you fixed the third power conduit in section W? It’s been acting up again.”

“All fixed. It had to be completely replaced.” Star Shot said. “I also took a look at the heating system. It was 5 degrees lower than the designated level.”

Dinky nodded. She couldn’t allow anything to get into disarray. Her father would jump on that weakness in an instant she knew. She looked back at the monitor. Her parents were now wrestling in the snow. Dinky laughed at this. She figured that her mother probably got tired of the stalemate and took the matter into her own hooves and went for a more direct assault. It seems they were engaged in an intense tickling battle. She noticed Star Shot watching the two in amusement. Dinky noted that her mother was winning due to her increased height and reach due to her current human form. This came about in an escape attempt gone wrong through one the Doctor’s crazy inventions. She was currently wearing a green sweater with a white stripe and blue jeans. She overpowered her combatant and tickled a particular ticklish spot on his stomach. The Doctor eventually conceded laughing the entire time.

“They’re like a bunch of grown foals.” Star Shot scoffed then shrugged. “I guess some people really don’t grow up.” Ditzy smiled at this. She hadn’t known her parents to be the most mature ponies out there. Her father was remarkably immature for his age sometimes which was considerable. However, this was something she loved about them.

Ditzy glanced at the clock, there were 15 minutes left until the experiment. “15 minutes until the experiment begins. Please make your way to the Main Meeting Room.” Ditzy announced over the intercom. She saw that her parents were cleaning themselves of snow and making their way to their destination. She didn’t normally do this, but she was excited and didn’t want to wait much longer. They were going to open gifts after the experiment. Her mother had promised to give a present to her and Dinky was eager to receive it. It wasn’t just a gift, but something from her mother. Plus, she also had a plan that would hopeful push her parents in the right direction.

Dinky watched her parents carefully. They were about to enter the doorway that entered to the main meeting room. Dinky pressed a button as soon as her parents were under the doorway. “Oh look above you!” She suddenly announced over the intercom. They started at the sudden sound and looked above them. In the middle of the doorway was mistletoe. “It looks like you have to kiss!”

The Doctor looked incredulous at this and eyed the offending mistletoe suspiciously. Ditzy however looked amused. The Doctor was about to say something but was interrupted by Ditzy. “Come on Doctor its tradition!”

“Absolutely not!” He said stubbornly.

“It’s just a kiss.” Ditzy argued.

“No!” The Doctor shot back.

“You have to kiss Doctor. That’s the rules.” Dinky pressed firmly.

“I see rules more as sug…” He was interrupted when Ditzy suddenly kissed him straight on the lips. The Doctor’s eyes widen and he had a stunned expression when Ditzy’s lips left his. He glared at Ditzy when he regained his wits a few seconds later. Ditzy just laughed hard.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. How very funny.” He said annoyed not enjoying Ditzy laughing at his expense.

Dinky frowned. This didn’t go the way she expected. She was hoping the kiss would spark something between them, but that didn’t seem to be the case at all. Her parents viewed the thing more a joke than anything remotely romantic. She sighed.

“Well look at that. I’ve seen kisses between siblings with more passion.” Star Stop quipped amused. Dinky glared at her and Star Shot held up her hooves in a placating gesture. “You have to admit, it’s at least a little funny.”

Dinky continued to glare at her and stopped when the Doctor coughed. “So what is today’s experiment?” He was obviously eager to change the subject. Ditzy just giggled.

Dinky continued to glare at Star Shot before finally answering. “Today you will be reading “An "Unreal" Day” by Brian Jacko.”

“And then presents!” Ditzy proclaimed happily.

“And then presents.” Dinky agreed. “Enjoy.”

The experiment alarm went off and the Doctor and his companion rushed to the theater.

Entering the Deathmatch Arena

Twilight Sparkle and her friends stood outside the Princess's castle. There was something new about the entrance through the main doors where the guards stood.

Ditzy: (Twilight) It’s made of candy?

In front of the door, on the ground, were bricks that were carefully laid in a circle.

Doctor: (Twilight) Princess Celestia, have you been sacrificing ponies to demons again?

There were lots of different colors of bricks,

Doctor: The palace could really do with some color.

and the colors made a shape of what appeared to be a circle with jagged edges and in the middle of the circle were bricks in the shape of the letter "U" that had sharp ends like that of a knife or sword.

Ditzy: It was positively unreal.

The guards welcomed Twilight and her friends inside and they guided them to the tea room where both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were patiently waiting for them. The Princesses welcomed their guests and they all sat down as the royal servants poured tea for everypony.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Tea? Only sissies drink tea. I want coffee!

Twilight stared awkwardly at her cup thinking

Doctor: (Twilight) She knows I hate peppermint tea.

about that strange symbol she saw at the gates. Her curiosity got the better of her and she asked, "Princess Celestia, what was that strange symbol I saw outside the castle doors? What does it mean?"

Doctor: (Celestia) It’s my new personal logo. Do you like it?

Princess Celestia bowed her head in slight embarrassment and blushed a bit. "Oh, it's just something my sister and I are quite fanatical about and it represents a special game that we can't stop playing," she said.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) How nerdy. What next? A tattoo?

Doctor: (Celestia) Um….

Pinkie Pie knocked over her cup and spilled her tea in excitement. "Oh, Oh, Oh! What kind of game? I just love games! Can we play a game now?"

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Is it Candy Land, Operation, Charades, Jump Rope, Goldeneye, Chess, Halo,, Tic Tac Toe, Laser Tag, Mario Party? Ooh! Maybe Tag! I love Tag! You get to run around and…

Doctor: (Luna) Just let us explain please.

Princess Luna grinned at Pinkie Pie's enthusiasm

Doctor: Even though Pinkie was now jumping on the table and making a mess of things.

Ditzy: Rarity fainted at this display.

and replied, "That is why we have called you here. To do an experiment with you all!

Doctor: (Luna) It’s called the prisoner's dilemma.

To see if you'll enjoy something that we hold close to our hearts.

Ditzy: (Twilight) No Princess Luna, we’re not going to read your fanfiction.

We have a special set up in another room for all of you today."

Doctor: (Luna) And collars that explode if you lose or break the rules.

Everypony looked at the Princesses with curiosity. They were very curious to see what the Princesses had in store for them and gulped down their teas quickly.

Ditzy: Rarity chastised them for their lack of manners.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna looked into each others eyes and smiled with delight.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Gullible foals.

The guards led everypony over to a door. When the door opened, there was a spiraling stair case that ventured deep down into the ground.

Doctor: (Twilight) Can’t we just take the elevator?

Ditzy: (Celestia) No! It is cooler and more dramatic this way!

There were torches on the walls infused with a special kind of magic to keep them eternally lit.

Doctor: Sounds like a really dangerous fire hazard.

As they reached the bottom, there were multiple doors with names on them.

Ditzy: (Reading) Aratron, Bethor, Phaleg, Ophoel, Hagith, and Aratron?

The door that they happened to be standing in front of had the name "Bone Scraper" on it.

Doctor: How cheery.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Well look at the time, I really need to get going!

Twilight looked up at the Princesses with an unsure look on her face. "Where do these doors lead to and why do these doors have names on them?" she asked.

Princess Luna clapped her front hooves together with delight and said, "These doors are special portals to the arenas you will be playing in. Allow us to use our magic to show you around each arena."

Doctor: Somehow I knew deathmatches would be involved.

Both Princesses lit their horns up and a magical vision was shown to all the rest of the girls

Ditzy: Twilight and the rest of the girls turned bright red.

Doctor: (Luna) Oops, we didn’t mean to show thee that.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This is going to make Moondancer’s birthday party really awkward...

about the arena layout, the weapons, and power-ups. The Princesses took them through a variety of different arenas that had all different kinds of environments and layouts that were all quite unique.

Doctor: (Applejack) Ah mud wrestling area?

"What arena does everypony wish to play in?" Princess Celestia asked.

Doctor: Um, you haven’t exactly explained what game they are even playing.

All the girls looked at each other with confusion. Twilight eventually spoke up. "I don't know Princesses. We don't know anything about the game, so why don't you pick out an arena for us to play in."

Ditzy: (Pinkie) An area full of lava and spikes is a strange place to play pin the tail on the pony.

The Princesses giggled with delight

All: Wha!?

Doctor: Oohhhkay.

as they used their magic to open the door to the arena of Bone Scraper. It was one of their most favorite arenas in the game.

Doctor: The bleached skulls went well with the carpet.

Princess Celestia's tone of voice changed to a more serious tone. "Now before you all walk through the portal, I need you to put on these necklaces.

Doctor: (Rarity) What!? I would never be caught dead in that thing!

They are powered with the most potent magic we could find in all of Equestria and you need to keep them around your necks or on your bodies at all times or the effects can be disastrous!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Pfft, whatever.

Ditzy: (Pinkie giggling) What pretty necklaces! Do we get to keep them?

These necklaces also contain a magic that will void Pegasus ponies their ability to use their wings while playing. It would be too much of an unfair advantage. Unicorns are also not allowed to use their magic in anyway to gain a mobility advantage such as teleporting."

Ditzy: But that gives Earth Ponies all the advantage!

Princess Luna used her magic to levitate herself over a box and then she opened up the box using her magic.

Ditzy: (Luna) Finally our copy of the fabled Black Lotus is here!

Inside the box were golden necklaces. Each one had sparkling gems that were crafted perfectly into what represented each players cutie marks. These weren't the elements of harmony, but they looked similar. The gems seemed to glow with a very powerful magic that was inside of them. Discord was the one to help the Princesses create these special necklaces because they had the power to do one thing that was very unique and out of the ordinary.

All: Sounds totally safe to me!

Princess Luna levitated each necklace out and gracefully placed one necklace around each pony's neck. She took a step back and looked at each player. "This is going to be so much fun! I have been practicing my traditional royal Canterlot voice for this occasion! Don't just stand there girls! Go in and have some fun!"

Doctor: Rules? Goal of the game? Anything?

Ditzy: At least tell us the game’s name!

Twilight and her friends looked at each other with a look of uncertainty on their faces and cautiously stepped through the portal. Within an instant they were all standing in a very new environment.

Applejack took off her hat and scratched her head with her hoof. "What in tarnations is this place? How do we exactly play?"

Doctor: Will multi-sided dice be involved?

Suddenly, a booming voice spoke to them. It was Princess Celestia. "The necklaces you are wearing contain your inventory of weapons that you will see at all times while playing the game. Each weapon also shows how much ammo it has. As you venture through the arena and find more weapons, it will be added to your inventory. Simply use your minds to go through your inventory and select what weapon you would like to use at the moment. Everypony starts out with a weapon called the Enforcer. It is possible to pick up another Enforcer and wield two at one time if you are able to defeat another opponent who also happens to be using the Enforcer or the Impact Hammer. Speaking of the Impact Hammer, you are also each given a special tool called the Impact Hammer that can be used as a weapon or as an ability to leap over certain obstacles or reach areas of the arena that cannot be normally reached.

Ditzy: Wouldn’t be easier to just give them jetpacks instead? That would be way cooler!

Do keep in mind that it comes at a small sacrifice of your current health, armor, or shield points. Every weapon has at least two different firing modes. Some even have alternative firing modes and can be used in creative ways. There is even a weapon that can form a third kind of effect if you connect the secondary fire with the first. You all have the ability to jump into the air,

All: Amazing!

and then jump a second time while in mid air if you choose to do so."

Ditzy: That’s a neat trick,but you should go with the jetpack idea.

Pinkie Pie jumped into the air and then jumped a second time as if she were jumping off of an invisible ledge that was in mid air.

Doctor: Can’t she do that normally?

Pinkie Pie giggled madly at that neat ability and then consciously went through her inventory as the magic from the necklace glowed. Suddenly she pulled out her Impact Hammer and began to charge it in its primary mode. She pointed it to the ground and jumped. As soon as she jumped, she let go of the trigger and the force of the Impact Hammer sent her flying high into the sky and she landed on a ledge above her friends. "Wow! That was so much fun! You all should try it too!" Pinkie Pie said as she managed to contain her giggling.

None of the other girls seemed too excited to try it.

Ditzy: (Twilight) That looks really dangerous. What if we hit a wall?

Rainbow Dash went through her inventory and took out her Enforcer. She pointed it around a bit.

Doctor: Careful, that isn't a toy!

Twilight Sparkle looked nervously at Rainbow Dash and asked, "What is the goal of this game again, Princess?"

"It's really simple, Twilight Sparkle," the voice replied. "The goal of the game is to frag each other

Doctor: Why am I not surprised?

and whoever has the most kills when the timer runs out, that pony is the winner."

Doctor: (Fluttershy) That doesn’t sound very polite!

All the girls looked at each other with horror on their faces.

Twilight Sparkle shot back at the voice speaking to them, "You mean you want me to murder my own friends? I can't do that Princess! That would destroy the power of our love and friendships!

Doctor: (Celestia) Pfft. Love and Power of Friendship? That’s outdated nonsense. Guns are where it is at!

Is that what you dragged us here for? To give you and Princess Luna some kind of sick viewing pleasure as you both watch us blow each other's bodies into tiny pieces!?"

Doctor: (Celestia) Yes.

Ditzy: (Luna) It will be most amusing to us.

Princess Celestia replied, "This is just a game, Twilight.

Doctor: So go ahead and murder your friends!

Just imagine you're killing them all with the love of friendship!

Ditzy: (Celestia) Besides, you can just get new friends anyway.

Prepare yourselves! As Princess Celstia began the countdown, each player had a vision and could see the colored words that were being spoken by the Princess. "The match is now going to start in... Three.....Two.....One.... PLAY!"

Ditzy: Er, what. I can’t really read that.

Doctor: Oh for, don’t use light colored text on a white background! It’s common sense!

Each pony vanished from where they were standing and suddenly each player found themselves alone in a different part of the arena.

Doctor: And what happens if they don’t play? They could just stand there until the timer runs out.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 2

Finding a Favorite Weapon

Rainbow Dash was the first pony to move.

Ditzy: It didn’t take much to convince Rainbow Dash to kill all of her friends.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Screw you ponies! I’m not going to die here!

She seemed to have spawned at the top of a platform. She tried to use her wings to fly off, but she suddenly remembered that the necklace she was wearing had magic powers that forbid her from flying.

Doctor: So she fell to her death.

Ditzy: Ouch, a negative score already.

She jumped down to the very bottom and began to search for weapons.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Ha! The perfect weapon! Nopony will be able to stop me with this!

Ditzy: (Celestia) That’s a broom…

She came across an odd looking metal floor and stepped on it. There was a loud noise and the metal floor raised her up quickly. Rainbow Dash felt her stomach do flip flops and the force of the lift almost sent her air borne. There in front of her face was a new weapon! She stood there and stared at it for a moment.

All: (Rainbow) Ooooooo….pretty!

As she was about to walk over to get it the metal platform lowered and she found herself on the lower ground again. "Hey! That's not fair! I was just about to grab a weapon when the platform decided to lower again! How come it won't go up again?!"

Doctor: (Celestia) Sorry Ms. Dash, but you only a 5 second chance to get that weapon. Now you will have to look for another one.

Princess Celestia spoke to her. "These platforms are called lift jumps. Once stepped on, they will raise into the air and stay erect for a short time.

Ditzy: Short time? That was only like 2 seconds!

They are all timed as to how long they stay up and you will get the feel for how long they stay in the air before they fall back down.

Doctor: (Celestia) Often too quickly for you to actually do something.

On this version of the arena, you can reactivate the lift jump simply by walking off the platform and stepping back on it, or by simply jumping up and down in place.

Ditzy: What’s wrong with just a button?

In some arenas, or different versions of arenas, lift jumps will actually continue to lower up and down without you having to reactivate them. It all depends on the preference of an arena creator.

Ditzy: Or how much a jerk they are.

Princess Luna and I spent much of our time creating these arenas

Doctor: So much so Equestria’s economy has collapsed and the country is in anarchy.

and we have saved all of the older versions of our works,

Doctor: (Luna) About that….

because it would be a shame to just forget about them after all of the hard work we put into them. Most of the newer versions of the arena's lift jumps will continue to rise and fall without a player having to reactivate them."

Doctor: (Yawns) How fascinating.

Ditzy: Can we get to the fighting already?

"But why are there different versions of the same arena? Why don't we just play on the most updated versions of an arena?" Rainbow asked

Ditzy: The Princess thought the new version ruined everything they loved about the arena and refused to play it.

Doctor: (Celestia) The lift jumps stay in the air .5481 seconds longer than the last version! Sacrilege!

"Because some players, such as I, prefer many of the older versions of some of the arenas and the environments were often changed during the redesigning process.

Doctor: (Pony) Gah! Version 5 of Cathedral of Blood is like so lame. Version 4.5 is where it’s at!

I have a feeling that your friend, Rarity could perhaps help us with creating and decorating new arenas in the future.

Ditzy: Do you have any idea what you are asking?

Doctor: (Rarity) I will make this arena FABULOUS!

Other players may like the idea of having to manually reactivate a lift jump too.

Doctor: In the end, does it really matter all that much?

It's best to have more options available when choosing to play on an arena.

Doctor: I’m sure many players flock to a map because of manually reactivating lift jumps.

Some of the older versions of arenas give off great nostalgia as well,

Ditzy: Nostalgia? Just how old is this game anyway?

even if they are not designed as well as the newer versions when it comes to top tier play level and competition.

Doctor: And they have exploitable bugs that make the game easy to win.

Go on, Rainbow Dash. Reactivate the lift jump."

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Don’t tell me what to do!

Rainbow Dash jumped up and down and the platform raised up once more. She quickly stepped off of it and walked over to the new weapon. As she traveled over it, the weapon disappeared. Rainbow Dash was suddenly confused.

Doctor: (Celestia) Just kidding! That was a fake weapon! You should’ve seen the look on your face!

The voice spoke to her again, "The weapon is now gone because the magic of your necklace picked it up and it's now in your inventory. Use your mind to go through the item slots and pick out the weapon!"

Rainbow Dash did so and suddenly the Enforcer she was holding disappeared and she brought out the new weapon.

Ditzy: The Semi-Automatic Muffin Shotgun!

The voice continued. "That weapon is called the Link Gun. It's primary fire is very powerful and if aimed properly, it can take down an opponent within seconds.

Doctor: Too bad it has the accuracy of a medieval musket.

The secondary fire is much less damaging, but has a unique effect that will slow your opponents down if you are able to continually keep the beam on your opponent."

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That’s lame. Why can’t it shoot explosions or something?

Rainbow Dash ventured across the arena looking for her first victim. She came across Rarity who happened to be staring at her Enforcer.

Ditzy: (Rarity) This is so gaudy. Whoever designed this has no taste at all! If you are going to design a weapon to destroy your enemies, at least make it gorgeous!

Rainbow Dash aimed her gun and fired. The bolts that came out of the gun began to cut away at Rarity's health points rapidly. Rarity's vision began to turn red and she noticed her health dropping faster and faster.

Suddenly the voice spoke to Rarity. "Rarity, it would be a good idea to run and fire your Enforcer at Rainbow Dash until you can find another weapon."

Ditzy: Thanks for pointing out the freaking obvious!

Rarity began to run in a zig-zag like pattern to avoid the powerful blasts of the Link Gun. Suddenly Rainbow Dash couldn't aim very well and remembered that there was a secondary fire mode that had the power to slow her opponent down. She quickly switched over to it and a laser like beam shot out of the gun and she was able to keep it on Rarity for a long enough time to slow her down. Rarity turned around and fired her Enforcer back at Rainbow Dash in a desperate attempt to get away, but it was too late. Rarity's health points dropped down to zero and she died. Her body turned into a skeleton upon death.

Doctor: Rarity finally lost all the weight she was working towards.

Suddenly, Princess Luna shouted out, "FIRST BLOOD!"

All: My ears!

Rainbow could see the bold red letters that spelled out first blood in her vision, and her eyes grew wide with horror. "Did I just murder my own friend?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh well, I didn’t like Rarity much anyway.

Is she dead for good now?" she asked aloud.

Doctor: Why did you shoot at her then?!

The voice spoke back to her, "No. I am speaking with Rarity right now.

Doctor: (Luna) She’s totally here right now. Just continue on murderin....we mean defeating your friends in this completely harmless, not lethal in any way game.

She can use her mind at any time to respawn again. The necklaces you are wearing have the power to reanimate your bodies again

Ditzy: How does that work?

Doctor: Let me guess. It’s magic, we don’t have to explain it.

and I will select a new place for you to respawn. I am explaining this to every player right now."

Ditzy: Why didn’t you mention this sooner!

Rainbow Dash sighed to herself a breath of relief. Just as she turned around, she was met with a grinning Applejack. She appeared to be holding a large weapon that represented something of a cannon. "Howdy partner!"

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Well...ponyfeathers.

Applejack said as she pulled the trigger and a blast of shrapnel spewed out of her weapon and tore into Rainbow Dash's body. The blast was so powerful, that it turned her body into a bunch of little meat giblets

Doctor: Giblet refers to the entrails a birdnot an equine.

that seemed to bounce around the floor. "Yee-haw! That was fun!"

Ditzy: Ripping my best friend to bloody chunks is so much fun!

Suddenly Applejack heard a strange noise that seemed to be getting louder and louder. "What in tarnations is that ruckus all about?"

Princess Celestia answered her. "Be careful, Applejack. Somepony is charging their Impact Hammer and is getting closer and closer to you.

Ditzy: You ruined the surprise!

The Impact Hammer will do at least one hundred hit points worth of damage.

Ditzy: Oh...no?

Doctor: Maybe you should tell us how many hit points they have before throwing numbers around?

You should collect some health vials or body armor to be safe."

"Aw heck! I'm a tough gal and I don't need no extra protection!

Ditzy: (Applejack) An apple could hogtie a hurricane!

I'm as rough and tough as they come and ain't no lil' Impact Hammer is gonna scare this farm girl when I got myself a Flak Cannon!

Ditzy: (Snorts) Read that as ‘Flank’ Cannon for a second there.

Doctor: Real mature.

Why I'm sure you can go..." Before Applejack could finish her sentence, she was interrupted by a "SURPRISE!" Suddenly, Pinkie Pie had blasted through her body with her Impact Hammer. Applejack's body was split into pieces and the parts of her body were scattered all around the floor.

Doctor: Well, that was predictable.

Pinkie Pie was covered in blood and gore.

All: Ugh.

Doctor: Is this really necessary?

Ditzy: Why weren’t they warned about this?!

She put down the Impact Hammer and ran her front hooves down her face. She looked at her hooves and they were now covered in blood and the bits from Applejack's body. Pinkie Pie started giggling madly at the bloody mess that she made of her friend.

Doctor: I don’t think Pinkie even knows what she has done. She probably thinks that ketchup.

"Well done, Pinkie Pie!" the voice said.

Doctor: (Voice) Embrace the madness and carnage!

"The Impact Hammer has many uses including a power E.M.P. blast that can knock even the most mightiest power-ups off an opponent and you can grab them for yourself.

Ditzy: Ha! That leaf powerup won’t save you now Mario!

Do keep in mind that it's not very logical to only use the Impact Hammer as a primary weapon. As the players adapt and get used to what the weapons do and how things work, you will be at a disadvantage in the long run because this weapon is strictly melee based and all the other players can hear you from a distance. I recommend using it more for arena mobility. Thankfully there are no real uses for the Impact Hammer when it comes to mobility for this arena, but there are many other areas of different arenas that you can gain easier access to thanks to the Impact Hammer."

Ditzy: You can’t even go to the bathroom in GM-KPony-4EVAR-LOL-Temple-of-Dangerous-Things v.1.10.12 without it.

Pinkie Pie frowned and replied, "But I love this weapon! I want a weapon that fires fast, at blistering speeds! What other weapon do you think I would like, Princess?"

"Look near where Applejack's corpse is. This weapon is called the Stinger.

Doctor: It shoots bees.

Ditzy: Bees? Dear Celestia!

It fires bullets almost at the same speeds as when you talk.

All: Wow.

When you fire it, at first it may not seem as fast, but it will pick up speed shortly as you hold the trigger down. It also has a powerful secondary fire that can be very disruptive to your friends when they are attempting to line up shots against you. It fires out these powerful nail-like shards that knocks your opponents back with force. You can practically crucify your opponents to the walls with a few well placed shots!"

Doctor: Passion of the Applejack.

Pinkie Pie giggled at the idea

Doctor: (Pinkie) The Romans sure knew how to have a good time!

and walked over to the Stinger. She quickly took it out and grinned. It was time to have some more fun!

Rarity respawned

Ditzy: So, does this mean they’re clones now?

Doctor: I suppose so consider their original bodies died...I think.

and she found her hoof was stuck inside the corpse of one of her dear friends. She couldn't even tell who it was because the body was so damaged and burned beyond recognition.

Ditzy: Okay, I can understand fighting with scifi weapons in real life is cool and everything. But, seeing disfigured ponies doesn’t sound fun at all! The first time I saw a pony die, I threw up, and he was just stabbed! Why can’t they just disappear when they die? It’s less scarring.

Doctor: I guess this is the logical conclusion to video games desensitizing violence.

She puffed her cheeks out as if she were trying to hold back the temptation to vomit at the sight she saw.

Ditzy: See! What did I tell you!? And this was one of her friends too...

She hoped the foul smell of the burnt corpse would not enter and offend her nostrils.

Ditzy: And it smells like real carnage too? Why would anypony want to play this?

Doctor: (Shakes head) Life isn’t like a video game.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Rarity shrieked, as she took her hoof out from the gory mess. "Why would you have me spawn here where I'm standing on top of a corpse?!"

Ditzy: (Celestia) This is for going after my nephew's money and title!

As the corpse began to magically disappear,

Doctor: Leaving the refreshing smell of pine.

Princess Celestia spoke to her, "Sorry about that.

Ditzy: (Celestia) But it was good for a laugh.

I felt this place was the most appropriate spot right now because there are too many other battles going on around the arena and you have a better chance here to find a weapon and defend yourself."

Doctor: And you couldn’t spawn her a few meters to the left out of the gore because….

Suddenly a loud explosion was heard from above. Rarity suddenly felt what seemed like a rain storm of body parts and a blood shower upon her body.

Doctor: It won’t surprise me if Twilight and her friends ended up with PTSD after all of this.

"Ew! This is disgusting! I cannot go into battle with a messy mane or coat that is covered in blood! I need to feel pretty! Please let me at least find a comb in this arena!"

Doctor: (Rarity) Blood and gore is one thing, but no combs or brushes? Utter barbarians!

Princess Celestia spoke again, "You don't have to get too messy if you don't want to.

Doctor: That seems a little hard when every weapon in the game causes an unnecessary amount of gore.

If you're also worried about appearance, there are health vials, health packs, body armor, and the most important power up of all, the Shield Belt.

Ditzy: (Rarity) ...Darling have you listened to a word I’ve said.

These will greatly increase your hit points be it health, body armor, or shield. You will practically shine once you pick these items up.

Doctor: (Celestia) Metaphorically of course, you will still smell just as rancid as before.

I think I have the perfect weapon in mind for you since you are the pony who has the 'eye' for things and pays attention to even the smallest of details going on. Hurry on over to the nearest jump pad. It will take you up to a spot that has a special weapon that will fit your needs exactly."

Doctor: It’s nice you’re giving them pointers and everything, but wouldn’t it better to let them learn how to play the game for themselves.

Ditzy: Celestia is like that back seat gamer that won’t shut up.

Rarity saw in the distance a ramp that led up to the jump pad. She hurried on over and walked over the pad. The pad activated and sent her flying on top of the platform. There she saw the Sniper Rifle. She walked over to it and brought it out from her inventory list. Rarity held the gun in one hoof and flicked at her mane with her other hoof in an attempt to flick the blood and gore out of her mane and to feel pretty once again.

All: I feel pretty,

Oh, so pretty,

I feel pretty and witty and bright!

She put her eye to the scope and began to take aim. She saw Twilight Sparkle in the distance trotting over to find a weapon. BANG! Rarity had fired a shot but missed.

Doctor: It ricocheted off a wall and hit Rainbow Dash instead.

This time she decided not to use the scope

Doctor: (Luna) Rarity, you’re not using your scope. What’s wrong?

Ditzy: (Rarity) Nothing darling. I'm all right.

and tried her best.

BANG! She fired another shot and it took her friend's head off instantly.

Doctor: The force is strong with this one.

"HEAD SHOT!" Princess Luna called out.

Ditzy: I wonder what talking in red text sounds like.

Doctor: Loud and gravelly?

Rarity saw the kill award in bold red letters in her vision.

Princess Celstia began to speak to Rarity, "A clean and honorable kill, Rarity!

Ditzy: I thought honor meant notattacking ponies from behind.

Well done! It looks like this will be your main weapon of choice! You now have the option to get kills without having to worry too much about getting covered in a gore fest."

Ditzy: What was wrong with them just turning into a skeleton and dying?

Twilight Sparkle respawned. She was getting frustrated that Applejack seemed to be dominating this game ever since she found the Flak Cannon.

Ditzy: There’s always that one player.

Twilight Sparkle consciously went through the scoreboard. "Applejack is a head by fifteen kills right now and I don't even have one!

Ditzy: You did your best and worked as hard as you could.

Doctor: That’s hardly comforting.

I can't keep up with Rainbow Dash and Applejack's competitiveness. I just wish there was some kind of weapon that could give me an advantage and use some kind of strategy to out smart my opponents!

Doctor: (Twilight) Why can’t the game win itself for me!

I am a thinking and planning kind of pony! I'm not as fast as Rainbow Dash or Applejack when it comes to their reflexes!

Ditzy: Maybe if you exercised and dieted like Spike has been pressing you to do.

Oh, please help me, Princess!"

"I understand your troubles

Doctor: (Celestia) But I’m not going to help you. I don’t play favorites.

and I have spawned you next to a weapon that I feel will suit your needs," the voice said.

Twilight Sparkle walked over to the weapon and then took it out of her inventory. "The Shock Rifle?" she asked.

Doctor: (Celestia) It tickles them with electricity.

"I might as well give it a shot." Twilight began to roam the arena looking for somepony to shoot. She stumbled upon Pinkie Pie who was bouncing off the walls that were now splattered with blood like a mad filly. Twilight took aim and fired a few shots with the primary fire. She couldn't even land one.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Pinkie Pie is so hax.

Pinkie Pie turned around and began firing a spew of bullets that came out of her weapon. Upon being hit a few times, Twilight began to panic and switched to the alternative fire. She wasn't even trying to aim carefully, she just held down the trigger and a blast of powerful pulse-like balls began to shoot out. She connected a few hits with Pinkie Pie, but Pinkie Pie's mobility was next to flawless. No pony in the game had the same speed and mobility as Pinkie Pie did, and she had already mastered the wall dodge in the game.

Doctor: (Celestia) Wait, how do you know about that? I never told you about it.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I read the manual silly.

Doctor: (Celestia) What?

Twilight Sparkle began to back her flank up to the wall in an attempt to get away.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Maybe I try hard enough, I can go through this wall.

Pinkie Pie switched her Stinger to the alternative fire and she connected a fatal shot to Twilight. The shot pierced through her throat and the force of the shot sent her flying back against the wall. She was pinned against the wall and her body was swaying slightly in the air.

Doctor: Don’t feel bad Twilight. Your body could double as a pinata.

Frustrated at another failed attempt to get a frag, Twilight consciously wished to respawn and she did again. The Princess spawned her at the exact same spot as before.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Oh hey Twilight!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh p…….

Twilight Sparkle became even more frustrated and cried out,

Doctor: She starting a temper tantrum.

"I have tried every weapon in this arena and I can't get one single kill!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Even Fluttershy kicks my flank to the curb.

I was even doing better with other weapons. Why would you respawn me here again!?"

The voice answered her, "Twilight, you are not thinking. You have not learned that you can use the primary fire to connect a shot to the secondary fire and thus resulting in a huge area of effect explosion that does incredible amounts of damge!"

Doctor: It destroyed the second ‘a’ in the last word!

Twilight Sparkle picked the weapon back up and fired the alternative fire. She then shot the primary fire at the alternative fire and the result was a colorfully huge explosion.

Ditzy: That accidently killed her.

"That was awesome! That explosion reminds me of a sonic rainboom!" she said.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash later sued for copyright.

"If I can properly predict where my opponent is moving before they actually do move, then I'm sure I can be successful with this weapon!"

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh, who am I kidding? I suck at this game.

Twilight Sparkle hopped off of the ledge and ventured down to where the Flak Cannon

Ditzy: You really need to think up a better name. It’s really hard not to snicker at it.

spawn point is. She was hoping that she could find Applejack lurking somewhere around the Flak Cannon. Sure enough, Applejack eventually came back looking to pick up some more ammo for her Flak Cannon. Twilight Sparkle made some mental notes in her head

Doctor: (Twilight) Wait, did remember to buy milk today? I will ask Spike to pick some up later.

and fired the alternative fire. She licked her lips in anticipation as the giant pulsing ball headed towards her friend. Once the ball reached a certain proximity she blasted it with the primary fire and the result was epic. Applejack was instantly killed and the bits and pieces of her body flew across the arena. Twilight Sparkle put down her gun and clapped her hooves with excitement. She went through the score board and saw that Princess Celestia added a kill point to her score board. "Oh! This is so wonderful I got my first frag and now I'm officially on my way to catching up to my friends.

Ditzy: Only fifty more points to go!

I bet if I practice with this weapon more, then I might have a chance of winning too! I should also practice connecting my shock combo shots as I'm moving to avoid being hit by other players."

BANG! a loud shot rang out from Rarity's rifle.

Doctor: You asked for that Twilight.

Rainbow Dash had lost her head again.....literally.

Ditzy: Get the duct tape and gorilla glue.

Rainbow Dash respawned and checked the scoreboard. Applejack was still miles ahead of everypony else and now that egg head Twilight was starting to pick up some kills too. Rainbow Dash began to complain out loud. "This game is lame, Princess Celestia!

All: No arguments here.

You know I can't stand losing and none of these weapons are getting me anywhere. I need the absolute best of the best!"

Doctor: (Celestia) Do you want me to play the game for you? Figure it out yourself!

"I have been watching you carefully," the voice said. "I have spawned you at what is considered the tier one weapon in the game.

Doctor: Way to be a neutral moderator Celestia.

I'd like to introduce you to the Rocket Launcher. Even though all of the weapons are as best balanced as they can be in the game, the Rocket Launcher

Ditzy: (Celestia) Was designed saying “Buck balance and fairness!”.

is an incredibly powerful weapon and a fan favorite amongst many other competitors in the tournament leagues.

Ditzy: Cause splosions.

It has multiple modes of firing and you can custom fire the way you want your rockets or rocket grenades to come out. You can fire up to three rockets or rocket grenades, at once. You have a certain timing window, when you can fire the rockets or the rockets will fire by themselves, even if you don't take your hoof off of the trigger when loading up to three rockets to fire. When loading multiple rockets to fire, opponents will hear you in the distance just like any other weapon that has a charge-like ability. If you hover your reticules

Ditzy: A what?

Doctor: Her sight.

Ditzy: Oh.

over an opponent for a long enough time, it's also possible to lock on an opponents body with missiles that will track and hone in on your opponent. They can often be easily dodged though in most cases.

Ditzy: That is a terrible homing feature. You might as well just aim normally!

With enough skill, you can also air juggle your opponents and connect rockets mid air. It's one of the most rewarding and satisfying feelings in the game."

Rainbow Dash quickly walked over to the Rocket Launcher. She had only one thing in mind.

Ditzy: Paying back Thunderlane for standing her up.

To give Applejack some pay back for her abusive Flak Cannon skills. Rainbow Dash saw Applejack running along the edge of a platform fighting against Rarity. Rarity was on the lower ground doing her best to avoid the barrage of Flak Cannon balls

Ditzy: And this isn’t intentional?

while trying to take Applejack down with the Sniper Rifle. Applejack eventually landed a flak ball that connected with Rarity's face resulting in an instant and glorifying kill for Applejack. "How's that for a facial makeover, or more like an entire body makeover, Rarity?"

Ditzy: (Rarity) You could at least have the decency not to shot a lady in the face!

Applejack said to herself with a grin as she looked at Rarity's scattered body parts.

Ditzy: They formed the shape of a bunny rabbit.

Rainbow Dash began to hold the secondary fire down as she charged up three rockets to fire at once. She peeked her head out from the corner and called out, "Hey A.J., I heard you don't even need to aim with that thing. You are nothing but a spammer! Why don't you come off that ledge and do some battle with me?"

Applejack, being a little bit too confident, stepped down off the platform.

Rainbow Dash quickly leapt out from behind the corner with grace and agility. She fired all three rockets at the hooves of Applejack.

Doctor: Who’s the spammer here?

Applejack was sent flying into the air. The blast didn't kill her because she had collected enough health power ups and body armor to stay alive. Applejack tried to rain down some flak with the primary fire from the air. Some of the flak bounced off of the ground and hit Rainbow Dash. Other pieces of the hot glowing shrapnel scattered across the floor and then ricocheted off of a nearby wall.

Rainbow Dash patiently waited for the right moment and fired a single rocket into the air. She refused to even blink as the rocket came closer and closer to Applejack. The anticipation was killing her. BAM! The rocket connected mid air with Applejack's body before she was even able to hit the ground. Rainbow Dash squealed with delight as the body parts and blood of her friend rained down from the sky and covered her body.

Doctor: Tomorrow skies will be partly cloudy with 20% chance of Applejack.

Applejack's scattered body parts were smoking and parts of her body were on fire. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! BEST WEAPON EVER!" Rainbow Dash squealed.

Ditzy: Until she was sniped by Rarity.

A great deal of time had gone by and Fluttershy had been cowering in the corner with her hooves covering her ears and her eyes were shut tightly. Everypony who ran by Fluttershy had refused to frag her because they knew that she was extra sensitive and that it might hurt her feelings if she died in the game.

Doctor: Poor thing.

The voice spoke to Fluttershy. "Fluttershy, you need to play."

Ditzy: (Voice) Kill everypony Fluttershy. Kill them all!

Fluttershy's eye's suddenly opened wide and she replied, "Oh, but I just can't hurt my friends! I love them all and I just don't like the violence that I am hearing. It would scare my animal critter friends if they ever heard it. I don't want to play and you can't make me."

Ditzy: (Celestia) Even if we offered you a position as the Royal Veterinarian?

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Um….well..

The voice spoke up again, "Fluttershy, what if I told you that Princess Luna and I are

Doctor: (Celestia) Holding Angel hostage.

the administrators of this game and that it would displease us greatly if you refused to participate in this tournament. We also have the power to permanently ban you to the Everfree forest.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) That doesn’t sound so bad. Zecora would take me in and would be a very nice roommate.'

Not that we would, but we're just reminding you that we could.

Ditzy: If this was the Doctor, he would just firmly plant his hooves in the ground and refuse to even move for the entire game.

Doctor: (Nods)

There is a weapon near by called the Bio Rifle. We both agree that you would enjoy it because you like nature and well, the ammo has a rather unique effect on living organisms."

Doctor: (Celestia) It turns them into penguins curiously.

Fluttershy gulped at the thought of being banished to the Everfree forest and slowly stood on her hooves again.

Ditzy: It’s absolutely detestable that your are bullying poor Fluttershy into this.

She bowed her head shamefully as she walked cautiously over to where the weapon was and walked over to it. She wanted to please the Princesses and make them happy.

Ditzy: Buck you Princess Celestia! Er, story Princess Celestia I mean...

She went through her item slots and brought it out.

"Now this weapon is most useful in its secondary fire mode upon firing the first shot," the voice said. All you have to do is hold down the trigger of the alternative fire and charge up your rifle. Once it reaches full charge, you are free to hold it as long as you want,

Doctor: (Fluttershy hopeful) For the rest of the game?

Ditzy: (Luna) No.

until you are ready to let go of the trigger and fire away. It will send a large blob of toxic goo

Ditzy: At least it isn’t a weapon that splatters blood everywhere.

Doctor: Spares Fluttershy doingthat to her friends at least.

that will land on the ground and smaller areas of the goo will break off and land around the area. Do be careful not to step in the goo after you fire it; it will kill you. We can't even recall the exact number of times Derpy Hooves had walked into her own land mine of goo and killed herself.

Ditzy: Grr. Stupid poor depth perception.

The neat thing about this weapon is that it will deal at least two hundred five points of damage if you connect a fully charged shot.

Ditzy: Wow, that’s twice as strong as the Impact Hammer! ...I still have no idea what the max HP is.

It's a great weapon to have when you need to make a comeback against somepony who is in control of the arena and has collected too many health points, or armor power ups.

Doctor: Good way to balance the game I guess.

It's also an effective weapon for getting rid of somepony who has collected the Shield Belt or the Big Keg O' Health.

Ditzy: Cool! Whatever that means.

Doctor: Now you're not explaining everything?

Do keep in mind that while this weapon may not be nearly as loud as the Impact Hammer in its charging mode, ponies will still be able to hear you from a distance when you have your Bio Rifle charged up in its secondary firing mode."

Ditzy: This game has like no stealth. You can’t really do anything without attracting attention.

Doctor: Perfect if you like being loud and breaking things.

Fluttershy gulped again and took a deep breath.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Okay Fluttershy you can do this! Just pull the trigger and send one of your best, most dearest friends to a horrible and…. (Sobs) I can’t do it! Just banish me already and get it over with already!

She squeezed the trigger with her hoof gently and held it down. A strange sound came out of the weapon as the Bio Rifle began to charge up.

All: (Sound) Ooga-chaka ooga-ooga! Ooga-chaka ooga-ooga!

She waited patiently for somepony to come by as she nervously hid behind a veil of her own pink mane. Fluttershy heard hoof steps coming and she braced herself. The tension was building up inside of her and she puffed her cheeks out as she held her breath. Could she do it? Could the sweetest, most caring, and loving pony in all of Equestria really kill one of her best friends?

Doctor: Is this such a good idea? She’s never been the most stable pony I’ve ever seen.

As the pony made her way around the corner, Fluttershy closed her eyes tightly and let go of the trigger. The blast of green goo shot out of her rifle. The goo connected and clung to the body of the victim. Within seconds the victim was dead.

Doctor: Hey! At least there isn’t ridiculously over the top violence this time.

Fluttershy, refusing to open her eyes asked aloud, "Did I do it? Did I murder my friend?"

Ditzy: (Luna) We were just checking...gah….

The voice replied to her, "If you don't want to open your eyes and see for yourself you can consciously open the scoreboard with your mind and see if you were rewarded with a frag point or not."

Ditzy: (Luna) You will not escape what you have done.

Fluttershy gulped again and opened the score board.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Negative 1?

There she saw that she now had her first official frag.

Doctor: (Pinkie) This calls for a…

Ditzy: (Luna) No parties! Thee shall commence with the killing and that is it!

Fluttershy opened her eyes and saw the carnage that lay before her.

Doctor: Half of the arena was gone.

She bowed her head down with guilt. Suddenly, she felt a hoof tap her on the back of her shoulder. She slowly turned around to see Pinkie Pie grinning from ear to ear. She was also covered in blood and gore.

Doctor: Again. Is it really necessary for the game to have this?

"Oh, I guess you're going to kill me now because I'm a bad pony and murdered one of our friends. Go ahead and just get it over with please," Fluttershy said in a depressing tone as she turned her head away.

Doctor: Poor poor Fluttershy.

Ditzy: What kind of sicko would put her through this?

Pinkie Pie put down her weapon and embraced her friend with a great big hug. "No way, Fluttershy! At least not at this moment, I just came over to congratulate you on such an awesome frag!

Doctor: See Fluttershy, murder is not so bad.

I saw the whole thing happen! You blasted Twilight Sparkle and killed her before she even knew what happened! Great shot!"

Doctor: Somehow I knew it would be her.

Ditzy: She’s like the most unlucky pony I have ever seen.

"Oh," Fluttershy replied. "So you don't hate me? You're really not going to kill me for that?"

Suddenly out of no where, Rainbow Dash had used the lift jump tactic and she propelled herself high into the air. She had three rockets charged up. Right before she fired them,

Doctor: She crashed into the floor and blew herself up.

she called down to the two ponies who were huddled in the corner, "Pinkie Pie may not want to kill you now, but I don't mind doing it for her!" The rockets landed on top of the ponies and they were both instantly killed.

Ditzy: What a jerk!

Within an instant, a deep booming voice that could only have been Princess Luna, glorified Rainbow Dash

All:Glorified?!

and cried out "DOUBLE KILL!"

Rainbow Dash began to roll around on the floor giggling to herself.

Doctor: Yeah, real funny.

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy had both respawned fairly close to each other. They both saw Rainbow Dash rolling around on the floor while cracking up with laughter.

Ditzy: And shot her to pieces.

Pinkie Pie called out over to Rainbow Dash from across the arena, "Hey! That wasn't fair! We were talking and you know that Fluttershy is a sensitive pony. You should say your sorry to Fluttershy!"

Rainbow Dash ignored her friend's request and continued to laugh.

Ditzy: Yeah, that totally sounds like Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy looked over to Pinkie Pie and said, "Oh, that's ok. I don't mind."

Pinkie Pie scratched her head with her hoof and asked, "So you're not upset that Rainbow Dash was being cheap and mean?"

Fluttershy straightened up a bit and gathered some confidence.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Actually, I’m furious! That Rainbow Dash should know better than to attack defenseless ponies! I’m in the right mind to give her a stern lecture over what she just did. In fact, that’s exactly what I am going to do right now!

She looked back over to Pinkie Pie and said, "No, but I'm not going to let her push me around like that. I'm going to find my Bio Rifle and I'll show her who is boss!"

All: Um…

Ditzy: Oh boy, not this again...

Pinkie Pie bounced over and connected her hoof with hers. "That's the spirit, Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "Don't let some silly filly boss you around like that! Kill her with kindness!"

Ditzy: This can only end in good.

Fluttershy giggled to herself as Pinkie Pie leapt off the ledge to find a new weapon. Fluttershy ventured back to the same spot where she first picked up the Bio Rifle. She had a smirk on her face as she charged up her weapon. "Come out, come out my little pretties," she whispered to herself.

All: (Back up) Oh…..kayy…..

Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed to be butting heads together often and found themselves locked in intense and epic battles.

Doctor: But they were cut for time.

They were both competing to see who could hold first place the longest on the score board.

Even though Rainbow Dash was competing for first place on the scoreboard,

All: Naturally.

she had the most deaths out of all of the players because she was very reckless and aggressive with her play style.

Doctor: Often known for rushing into enemy fire just to get a fews shots in.

Rainbow Dash would often get so excited and full of adrenaline,

Ditzy: She made Pinkie Pie look tame and subdue.

that she would sometimes make careless mistakes and fire her rockets too close to her own body which resulted in a suicide, and the loss of a frag point. She did love the idea of taking down an opponent or even opponents before they could finish her off by firing a rocket near her own body,

Ditzy: It’s a really good thing she isn’t a real soldier then.

Doctor: Why do guns suddenly drop the intelligence of their users?

but she needed to practice and understand more when that time was appropriate for her to suicide in order to take an opponent down

Ditzy: Like when a villain is threatening a friend and the only thing you have is a forklift.

with her because sometimes she would fire her rocket near her body too soon and her opponent would survive the blast from her last resort kamikaze attacks.

Doctor: Kamikazing to win is rarely a winning strategy.

Rarity was freelancing and picking off her friends one by one with the Sniper Rifle.

Doctor: Freelancing? Is she a mercenary now?

Fluttershy had a very low death count because

Ditzy: She’s Fluttershy?

she was a very conservative player, and she gathered up enough confidence to rack up an impressive amount of kills considering how long she was idle from being too scared to play at first.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) One kill! I’m so good at this.

Twilight Sparkle was starting to rank up with kills by playing intelligently and connecting epic

Doctor: Stop throwing around epic like it actually means anything!

shock combos with her Shock Rifle, and Pinkie Pie seemed to have the least deaths out of all her friends. Nopony could seem to keep up with her random wall dodges and unpredictable movements. Pinkie Pie was a target that was incredibly hard to hit.

Doctor: Pinkie thought using her Pinkie Sense would be cheating.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 3

Pinkie Pie Gets Amplified

Pinkie Pie found a jump pad and it propelled her into the air near the armor thigh pads and health vials. She closed her eyes with delight

Doctor: (Pinkie) I love health vials! They taste like snozberries!

as she cried out loud, "Weeeeee!" When she landed at the top, there was some kind of small ledge where a glowing purple "U" symbol rotated slowly around in circles.

All: (Singing) You spin me right round, baby

Right round like a record, baby

Right round round round

Pinkie Pie went into a trance as she watched the beautiful bright purple "U" spin.

Ditzy: No, don’t! It’s a trap!

The voice spoke to Pinkie Pie, "Hop onto that ledge and pick it up. That power up is called the Damage Amplifier.

Ditzy: Wait, that doesn’t have a ‘u’ in it!

It takes a long time for it to respawn once somepony takes it.

Doctor: Have they even stated how long this gaming session is going to take?

Once you walk over it, your weapons will glow purple and that means the effect is working.

Doctor: (Celestia) Unfortunately, it gives off radiation that slowly kills you.

You will notice at the bottom left corner of your vision that the "U" symbol will appear with a timer.

Ditzy: That sounds incredibly distracting.

Once the timer runs out the effect wears off. While under this effect of the power-up, your weapons deal twice as much damage than they normally do and other's can hear that the sound of your weapon will sound differently too.

Doctor: (Celestia) Your weapons gives off Monty Python clips.

In certain arenas there is also a power up called the Berserk which doubles the fire rate of your weapons. It is possible on certain arenas to combine both the Damage Amplifier and the Berserk and you will be given the award, Juggernaut!

Ditzy: Dang, I know there is a popular phrase that goes with that name, but I can’t think of it.

Princess Luna and I wouldn't even be able to imagine the destruction you would be capable of with that possibility.

Doctor: (Celestia) The entire world would be at your mercy!

We also can't imagine the destruction you'd be capable of with the Redeemer.

Ditzy: (Celestia) It is also entirely possible that it might do nothing at all. That part of the game wasn’t really tested all that well.

In more competitive games, we sometimes have it banned though.

Doctor: (Celestia) Cal ruined it for everypony.

There's also other pick ups we want to see you use like the invulnerability power-up, in an arena called Fearless or the Jump Boots that can be found on arenas like Deck Seventeen or Shangri La, and so on. Anyway,

Ditzy: (Celestia) I’m rambling, sorry.

Hurry up and grab the Damage Amplifier before somepony else takes it!"

Doctor: Pinkie looked both ways and raised an eyebrow.

Pinkie Pie joyfully bounced on top of the ledge and walked over it. The weapon she was holding was now glowing purple and a buzzing-like sound filled her ears.

Ditzy: Oh I get it! Its power is outset by how completely annoying it is to use!

Pinkie Pie noticed that the timer was starting to tick, so she quickly headed over to where she heard battles going on. Near the Flak Cannon, she found all of her friends fighting.

Doctor: Not killing each other, they were arguing over the type of pizza they were going to order.

Pinkie Pie began to grin like a mad filly and held down the primary fire of her weapon. The sound of the Damage Amplifier resonated throughout the arena.

Ditzy: (Sound) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

She quickly turned her focus to Rainbow Dash and easily took her out first before Applejack had the chance to finish her off. Applejack turned around and pointed her Flak Cannon at Pinkie Pie, but a hail of bullets under the effect of the Damage Amplifier was able to take her out before she was able to fire a single shot.

Doctor: I’m starting to think this power up is a little unbalanced.

"DOUBLE KILL!" Princess Luna announced.

Doctor: (Luna) The slaughter has been doubled!

Twilight Sparkle had used the secondary fire of her Shock Rifle to try to stop Pinkie Pie from racking up any more kills. The moment before Twilight shot the giant pulse ball with her primary fire, Pinkie Pie had dodged away and took little damage from the blast. Twilight Sparkle went down quickly.

"MULTI KILL!" Princess Luna announced in a slightly more excited tone.

Ditzy: You’re starting to scare me princess...

Rarity also turned away from her focus on killing Fluttershy and began to set her sights on the biggest threat right now,

Doctor: The giant flea monster that suddenly crashed through the ceiling.

Pinkie Pie. Even though Pinkie Pie was dodging around like mad

Doctor: She did that back-bend Matrix-bullet-dodge for fun.

Rarity gave it her best shot and fired away. She managed to connect a shot to Pinkie Pie's body which did a lot of damage, but it wasn't a head shot, so she was still alive. The shot from the Sniper Rifle happened to hit the left side of Pinkie Pie's flank, directly on her cutie mark.

Doctor: Somehow causing it to pop.

Rarity almost hoped that there would be some kind of an award for hitting the cutie mark of a player since that would be a difficult shot to connect, but there was none.

Ditzy: Come on! She shot one of the balloons on Pinkie’s cutie mark’. That should count for something!

Doctor: (Celestia) We don’t like achievements. They are a waste of time and are usually things that a half blind foal could accomplish.

There was no award for hitting the wrong end of a pony with a shot from the Sniper Rifle.

Ditzy: Rarity will forever be shamed by her friends for this mistake.

Pinkie Pie blasted her away with a hail storm of bullets and Rarity went down in a rather dramatic manner.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Oh, woe is me! I am hit! My short life has been robbed from me! Never again will I see the marvelous sun or run through a field of flowers! Woe is me! I die without finding true love! I die here all alone in the world killed by my…

Doctor: (Celestia) Okay, we get it! Just die already!

"MEGA KILL!" Princess Luna cried out in excitement.

Ditzy: (Luna) Seeing thee butcher thy friends is so much fun!

Pinkie Pie turned her focus on the last remaining pony in the arena.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Um, er, I surrender?

Fluttershy tried to do a hop, skip, and a jump to avoid the barrage of bullets , but she already took too much damage from being hit by Rarity's Sniper Rifle earlier. Fluttershy aimed her weapon at Pinkie Pie and fired a large glob of goo at her, but Pinkie Pie was just too much of a master at dodging around and the shot missed her. Could Pinkie Pie really finish off Fluttershy?

Doctor: (Deadpan) Will she? The suspense is killing me.

Pinkie Pie felt a drop of sweat fall off of her nose. She felt bad, but she just had to see what the next kill announcement was.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Maybe it will be super duper ultra mega delta deathly death kill?

She fired a few shots and Fluttershy was killed almost instantly.

"ULTRA KILL!" Princess Luna screamed at the top of her lungs with praise.

Doctor: (Pinkie) That’s it? Lame.

The entire arena seemed to shake at the booming voice of the Princess of the night.

Doctor: Causing the ceiling to collapse killing everyone permanently. The End.

Suddenly Princess Luna made another major announcement for Pinkie Pie.

Ditzy: (Luna) The other players have decided to voted you out of the game.

"KILLING SPREE!”

Doctor: Congratulations! You’re a serial killer now!

Pinkie Pie noticed the Damage Amplifier getting low on time. Was there time for another kill? Could there possibly be another award for getting a kill after an Ultra Kill?

All: (Yawns)

Pinkie Pie quickly left the area where the Flak Cannon was and used the lift jump nearest the Link Gun. She soared through the air and realized that Rainbow Dash must have respawned somewhere fairly close to the Rocket Launcher.

Doctor: After all, the princesses keep meddling with the game and won’t let things play out for themselves.

She figured that she probably respawned near where the Stinger was because she came from down the stairs on the left side to grab the Rocket Launcher.

Ditzy: That’s what happens when you stick to only one weapon and battle strategy.

They both may have been far off in the distance, but now was her chance. Pinkie Pie unleashed another hail storm of bullets that tore through Rainbow Dash's body. Even though she was quite far away, Pinkie Pie could see the large chunks of flesh being torn off of her friend's body from the powerful rounds of the Stinger that penetrated through Rainbow Dash's body. Pinkie Pie had the intuition that she had to have been getting these kill awards based on a certain timing window of how fast you can kill somepony.

Rainbow Dash had two options right now.

Doctor: Soup or salad.

She could either turn and go back up the stairs since there was a large wall that would guarantee her protection from the hailstorm of bullets and she could grab the Rocket Launcher later, or she could be risky and try to attempt to dodge toward the Rocket Launcher in order to pick it up and defend herself better.

Doctor: While doing a completely unnecessary diving catch of course.

Rainbow Dash was not a pony who enjoyed the idea of retreating in battle and found that it would be cowardice on her part for her to make a tactical retreat.

Doctor: (Shakes his head)

Ditzy: Cowardice aka the smart option.

She was also a big risk taker and loved the thrill of trying dangerous and risky things.

Doctor: Sure it usually ended up with her in the hospital, but Rainbow Dash felt it was worth it.

However, Rainbow Dash could not seem to figure out where to draw the line

All: The line must be drawn here!

between the risk and reward satisfaction, and just plain old stupidity. This behavior was very similar and could be tied in together with how she sometimes can't figure out where to draw the line between arrogance and confidence. Rainbow Dash made up her mind

All: Run away! Run away!

and decided to go with the careless mistake of attempting to dodge near the Rocket Launcher to pick it up.

Doctor: Gee, don’t spoil what’s going to happen or anything.

Pinkie Pie figured out that she would try to do that and kept her focus on her, finishing her off quickly. She made it just in time before it was too late to get another killing award.

All: Phew!

Doctor: That was intense!

"MONSTER KILL!" Princess Luna cried out.

All: You monster.

Pinkie Pie suddenly heard a strange blaring sound that was ringing in her ears.

Ditzy: Ouch.

Doctor: Can you mute these sounds?

She noticed that the time on the Damage Amplifier was running out. Suddenly the timer hit zero and the glow of her weapon died off. Pinkie Pie checked the scoreboard and giggled with delight at all the praise Princess Luna was giving her for her kill achievements. She hadn't seen so many red bold letters in her vision before. She was now officially in first place for the moment. She was thrilled that she was the first pony in the arena to not only get the first Monster Kill, but also the first to get at least five kills without dying which resulted in getting the Killing Spree award.

Doctor: Yes, we know. We were there!

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I’m not mad, just disappointed.

Fluttershy noticed her friend and warmly smiled back and said, "Nope. I'm not mad, but congratulations on getting your first Killing Spree. Way to go! You rock! Whoo-Hoo!"

Pinkie Pie grinned with delight that Fluttershy's feelings were not hurt and joyfully bounced away.

Doctor: It’s nice to see one’s murder not getting in the way of your friendship.

The time continued to tick away and the match was about to end soon. Princess Celestia announced to everypony, "Five minuets remaining!"

All: What?

Doctor: I...think it has a spelling error too. I can’t really read it though.

Everypony suddenly checked the scoreboard and all the players were neck and neck when it came to grabbing first place.

Doctor: Huh, that doesn’t seem likely considering how the game has been going so far.

Ditzy: Why don’t you just give us their scores?

Fluttershy happened to have the lowest score considering that she didn't play for awhile,

Ditzy: And she’s Fluttershy!

but even she made a steady comeback. The ponies went into panic mode and

Ditzy: Threw down their weapons and started running around aimlessly.

began to really strive for first place. The battles became more frantic than ever and body parts continued to fly throughout the entire arena.

Doctor: The janitor is really going to have his work cut out for him.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 4

Kill Stealing is Magic

Rainbow Dash sped through the arena looking for kills. She found Rarity crouched low to the floor while trying to connect head shots from a distance with her Sniper Rifle. Rainbow Dash smiled a sinister grin at the easy kill. "Camping in this game gets you nowhere, Rarity," Rainbow Dash muttered to herself.

Ditzy: Not really. Have you seen Rarity’s score?

Doctor: At least she doesn’t stupidly kill herself in some reckless attempt to take out an opponent.

She hopped down from a nearby ledge, like a tiger springing into action to capture its prey.

Doctor: But landed with the grace of a drunken elephant on roller skates.

She unleashed a rocket that landed at the hooves of Rarity.

Rarity went flying into the air.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Rarity’s blasting off again!

She set her focus on Rainbow Dash and fired a shot at her from mid air, but she missed because Rainbow Dash had dodged away and it was rather awkward for her to fire down from mid air.

Ditzy: Who knew sniping someone while flying in mid air would be so difficult?

Rainbow Dash fired another rocket and waited as she watched. The rocket was going to be a sure winner for her and an epic kill.

Doctor: Epic? It’s only a hit from a rocket.

Rainbow Dash licked her lips as the rocket got closer and closer.

Bam! Right before the rocket connected to Rarity's body, Applejack had lobbed a flak ball into the air and stole her kill.

All: (Gasps)

Rainbow Dash blinked several times in disbelief. "What!?" she cried out. "That kill was clearly mine! Why you no good dirty kill stealer, you!"

Ditzy: This is coming from the pony that shot her defenceless friends for fun?

Applejack laughed and said, "She was fair game, Rainbow. I was just pickin' off the left overs just like I do at dinner time when Granny Smith leaves a bunch of goodies in the fridge.

Ditzy: Jello and prune juice?

That Flak ball was an epic shot, wasn't it?"

Doctor: I don’t think the word epic has any meaning now.

Rainbow Dash grinded her teeth together and then let out a battle cry in rage

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll harm you!

as she fired a rocket at Applejack.

Doctor: That was a bit childish.

Applejack tried to dodge away as she fired a shot back at Rainbow Dash. The proximity of the rocket sent her close to the wall in the corner, which gave Rainbow Dash more options to place her rockets against the wall near Applejack so that she could kill her with the splash damage from the explosion.

Rainbow Dash dodged Applejack's shot and fired another rocket at her friend.

Ditzy: Explosions are a great way to tighten the bonds between friends.

Applejack was trapped. There wasn't much she could do because she was in an odd position to be able to dodge the splash damage. Being backed up into a corner like this, she only had one option to be able to escape.

Ditzy: Somehow sonic them into not working?

A glowing light had distracted Rainbow Dash's focus that she had on her rocket. It would land the killing blow.

"Oh no!" Rainbow Dash cried out as she noticed a giant pulsing ball was also headed towards Applejack.

Ditzy: Oh the equinity!

Rainbow Dash watched her rocket and the pulsing ball from the Shock Rifle get closer to Applejack.

Applejack looked up at the pulsing ball of energy and then she looked back to the rocket. Her only chance to dodge away from the rocket was being blocked by the giant pulsing ball. "I guess I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't," Applejack said with a smile.

Ditzy: So she shot herself denying both of them.

Bang! Right before the rocket was able to finish off Applejack, somepony had connected their Shock Rifle combo shot and finished off Applejack.

Applejack's parts were sent flying and one of her front legs ended up whacking Rainbow Dash upside her forehead.

Ditzy: Do you get a point if you kill somepony with your body parts?

Rainbow Dash looked up and saw Twilight Sparkle giggling.

Twilight Sparkle waved at Rainbow Dash and then saluted her. Sure enough, she was holding the Shock Rifle.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What could it mean? I wonder.

This was getting ridiculous for Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Not winning or being awesome for more than five minutes? Blasphemy.

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket at Twilight Sparkle, but Twilight jumped off the ledge.

Doctor: Excellent strategy.

As she was in mid air, a giant glob of goo flew across the arena and connected with Twilight's body. Twilight landed near the wall, where Applejack had recently been blown away as she watched her health points drop rapidly in her vision.

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket out of desperation and said a prayer that the rocket would connect before the glob of goo clinging to Twilight's body,

Doctor: (Heavens) We are busy right now. Your call is important to us, please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.

had the chance to finish her off.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Surely the universe won’t deny me the kill this time. Right, right!?

The rocket hit Twilight and she was killed.

Rainbow Dash waited to see the kill confirmation, but there was none. "What!?" she cried out. Why didn't I get that kill?"

Doctor: The game is a little buggy. Just bear with it.

"I guess you didn't get it in time, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "As they say, the early bird gets the worm!" Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash and noticed the very angry expression on her face. Fluttershy put her hoof to her mouth in shock. "Rainbow Dash! You're not angry are you?"

"I'm not angry," Rainbow said. "I am furious! This is the third time somepony stole my kill!"

Doctor: The chapter’s title’s name is ‘Kill Stealing is Magic’, so this sort of thing is expected to happen.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can kill me and I won't fight back. I don't want your feelings to get hurt, even if my shot would have killed Twilight Sparkle without you having to fire that rocket," the yellow meek mare said.

"I think I'll gladly take that offer, thanks!" Rainbow said as she fired a rocket at Fluttershy

Doctor: What?! You’re not suppose to take them off on their offer!

Ditzy: Some friend.

The rocket directly hit her body, but Fluttershy was still alive because she was a conservative player

Ditzy: In other words, she spends most the game hiding and not really fighting anypony.

and enjoyed collecting and timing the respawns of the power-ups and health packs. Taking care of boo-boo's and healing battle wounds was something Fluttershy enjoyed doing.

Doctor: Sounds like she really shouldn’t be playing this game at all then.

Ditzy: She should be playing Final Combat 2 instead. I’m sure she would love being a Medic

Rainbow Dash sent another rocket, but right before it hit her, a blue shard had come out of no where and went through Fluttershy's left ear and came out of her right ear.

Fluttershy was killed and her head was pinned against a nearby wall

Doctor: I thought it went through her ear.

from the powerful force of the secondary fire from the Stinger.

Doctor: Ugh.

Ditzy: That isn’t an image I ever wanted to see!

"Wow, Dashie! Did you see that shot? Right between the ears!" Pinkie Pie said in between her insane sounding giggles.

Ditzy: You would have to be insane to enjoy killing Fluttershy mercilessly like that.

Rainbow Dash let out a nervous little laugh and said, "Everything's working against me right now. This must be punishment for when I killed both you and Fluttershy when you were trying to comfort her in the corner, isn't it?"

Doctor: Yes, the heavens want retribution.

She was starting to get really fed up. "I can't take it anymore.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I done with this game. I am outta here!

Pinkie Pie, you're going to die, NOW! Pinkie Pie, die!"

Doctor: Has it been established that Rainbow wants Pinkie dead?

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket at her pink friend.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Gee, it seems like somepony is cranky and need their nap!

Pinkie Pie easily dodged the shot.

Doctor: (Rainbow Dash) Oh, come on!

"Or more like Pinkie Die, but that is only if you can kill me first. You've got to work hard for your kills in the arena," Pinkie Pie said in a cheerful tone of voice. "What's the matter Dashie? Are you mad because you just got burned from that epic kill steal? Maybe they should call this game, Unreal Burnament for you!"

Ditzy: (Celestia) Good idea! I’ll write it down!

"This is so not cool!" Rainbow Dash yelled out

Doctor: (Rainbow) No terrible puns!

as she fired another rocket at her. Pinkie Pie dodged the rocket returned fire with the primary fire of the Stinger.

They both danced around and made some amazing dodges and movements.

Ditzy: All of which have been cut for time.

Rainbow Dash couldn't aim very well because Pinkie Pie was just incredible at being unpredictable.

Doctor: Understatement of the millennium.

Rainbow Dash figured that instead of trying to hit her, why not try something illogical

Ditzy: She started doing the Chicken Dance.

and aim away from her, since this was Pinkie Pie that she was dealing with? Rainbow Dash fired a rocket away from the pink pony, and Pinkie Pie accidently dodged directly into the rocket because she wasn't expecting Rainbow Dash to fire such a random shot.

Ditzy: Beating randomness with randomness I’ll have to remember that one.

Pinkie Pie went flying into the air and the armor that she was wearing absorbed most of the damage.

"Now is my chance!" Rainbow Dash said as she fired another rocket at Pinkie Pie. "What goes up, must come down, and hopefully it comes down in the form of cooked meat giblets."

Doctor: Argh, giblets refers to...oh forget it.

Ponies still had some kind of air control where they could move around slightly in mid air, but when being launched in mid air from the blast of a weapon, there wasn't really too many movement options for a pony to do.

Doctor: Except this is Pinkie Pie we are talking about here. I bet she’ll suddenly stop in mid-air and land safely on the ground.

Pinkie Pie continued to blast away at Rainbow Dash from the air.

Rainbow Dash tried to dodge around the shots, but Pinkie Pie's hit scan accuracy was disturbingly high. Perhaps she was so pumped full of adrenaline from this epic battle that they were having.

Ditzy: Epic battle? This doesn’t seem much different than the battle with Rarity.

The rocket hit Pinkie Pie, but Rainbow Dash had died from the many bullets that tore through her body.

Rainbow Dash respawned and waited for a kill confirmation. She waited for a while, but didn't see one. She cried out, "That rocket shot didn't kill Pinkie Pie? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Doctor: She broke down into tears.

Some giggling could be heard near by.

Doctor: She slowly turned to look behind her and gazed at Pinkie in horror.

Rainbow Dash turned to see Pinkie Pie standing on the ledge that spawned two health packs. "Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash cried out. "How many health points do you have?"

"Fifty one!" Pinkie Pie replied in a cheerful voice.

Rainbow Dash realized that she was standing where two health packs spawned and said, "No, no, no! I mean how many health points did you have when I hit you with that rocket earlier? You couldn't have had that many left! I know that you had armor, but I still can't believe that you survived."

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Luckily I brought my anti-rocket spray!

Pinkie Pie giggled madly

Doctor: I think the rocket dislodged something.

and said, "Oh, but what's the fun in knowing now? I was going to tell you later after the match, so that it could be more of a surprise."

"I need to know now!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

Doctor: She started shaking Pinkie.

"I had one health point left," Pinkie Pie said with a sly smile

"Unreal!" Rainbow Dash cried out.

"Unreal Tournament!" Pinkie Pie replied and then happily bounced away.

All: You walking into that one.

Ditzy: Wait, is that what this game is called?

Doctor: I guess.

Rainbow Dash grinded her teeth in sheer anger and then banged her head several times against the wall in an act of pure frustration.

Ditzy: It seems karma is paying you back with interest Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: It’s hard to say she doesn’t have this coming.

"This is worse and more cruel than the time when I waited hours for Applejack's home made apple cider only to find out that they ran out of cider when it was my turn to be served," she said.

Doctor: (Rainbow) ...Nah, the cider incident is worse.

The head banging was short lived when Rainbow Dash and all the other players heard a familiar voice and saw the message.

Ditzy: (Rainbow reading) Ha ha, Rainbow Dash suck? Hey!

"One minute remaining," Princess Celestia announced.

Ditzy: I’ve given up trying to read those.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 5

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 5

The Winner of the Deathmatch

The players were now starting to do very risky things at this point. Anything out of desperation to rack up a few more frags.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash jumped into enemy fire to get a few good hits

"Thirty seconds left," Princess Celestia announced.

Twilight Sparkle bit her lower lip when she realized that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were still ahead of her with the kill count. She was currently tied with Rarity and Pinkie Pie. She shook her head quickly and charged back into battle.

Ditzy: I thought Pinkie Pie was ahead?

Doctor: (Throws up his hooves) I don’t know! The leader is whoever the author want it to be at this particular moment.

Princess Celestia began counting down the final seconds of the match and the players noticed the count down that they saw in their vision. "Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three Two. One..."

At the last second, Applejack connected a mid-air flak ball with an airborne Rainbow Dash. Rainbow's body parts came down bouncing all around her.

Doctor: Pegasi have rudder bones.

"I did it! I won the tournament!" Applejack cried out.

Princess Celestia suddenly announced, "OVER TIME!"

Applejack's heart sank deep within her chest. She thought she had it won,

Ditzy: She cursed her lack of ability in fancy mathematics.

but she realized that she was now tied with Rainbow Dash and it all came down to who would get the final kill and win the tournament.

All: Ugh.

Ditzy: Can this just end already!

Twilight Sparkle checked the score board. She was only one kill away from tying it all up. It would take two kills for her to win the game.

Doctor: Somehow I find it incredibly unlikely that they would all be so close. Especially Twilight and Fluttershy.

Ditzy: It’s more dramatic I guess regardless of how much sense it makes.

As she moved through the arena, she noticed in one corner that Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity were all duking it out trying to rack up just a few more kills before Rainbow Dash or Applejack took the game. Twilight Sparkle felt conflicted.

Doctor: Rarity and Pinkie Pie were ganging up on Fluttershy.

She knew she shouldn't be spending any time trying to kill her other friends.

Ditzy: She was late for a study session.

She had to find Rainbow Dash and Applejack before one of them would take the final kill. It was her only hope. Twilight Sparkle knew that Applejack and Rainbow Dash would be desperate to find each other, so she waited by where the Shield Belt was. She noticed in one corner of the arena, Applejack came bounding out of the right side of where the Flak Cannon spawns. She was charging at full speed towards the jump pad closest to where the two health packs spawned. She also noticed Rainbow Dash coming from around the corner from where the Rocket Launcher and armor thigh pads were. She made a mental note to herself about what was about to happen. She predicted that both ponies were going to meet face to face in mid air.

Doctor: While screaming at the top of their lungs naturally.

Both ponies would be on a suicide mission

Ditzy: I suppose that is the nice thing about this game. There are no consequences.Getting killed is only a minor inconvenience so you can play as reckless as you want.

Doctor: I hope they don’t get too used to this. I would be a shame if one of them died because of careless overconfidence when facing a real threat.

and whoever's weapon would be able to kill first, would end up as the winner. Twilight Sparkle moved around slightly hoping not to be noticed by the other ponies.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Hiya Twilight! Whatcha doing!?

Ditzy: (Twilight) Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure enough, Rainbow Dash used the lift jump on the left side closest to the two health packs, and Applejack used the jump pad on the right side that was also right by the two health packs. Rainbow Dash had her three spiraled rockets charged and ready to blast Applejack away, once she reached a certain proximity, and Applejack had her Flak Cannon ready to fire in primary mode when she got close enough to Rainbow Dash.

Twilight Sparkle used the alternative fire of her Shock Rifle and waited. The tension was so extreme that she could feel the sweat dripping from her head.

Doctor: Yes, can’t you feel the gut wrenching tension.

The second before Rainbow Dash or Applejack fired either of their weapons,

Doctor: They crashed into one another.

the giant pulsing ball came within a certain proximity of the two while they were both mid air and Twilight Sparkle fired a primary shot at the ball that connected. The blast resulted in an epic explosion and the area of effect damage killed Rainbow Dash and Applejack instantly.

Doctor: That’s a little epic I guess.

Their body parts fell to the floor in heaping clumps.

"DOUBLE KILL!" Princess Luna cried out with praise.

Doctor: I’m sure your family will be proud at the way you callously killed your best friends.

Suddenly, all the other ponies weapons disappeared and the rest of the ponies found themselves standing in a circle around Twilight Sparkle.

Doctor: Twilight started to panic and begged for her friend’s forgiveness.

Princess Celestia announced, "Congratulations! Twilight Sparkle is the winner!"

Doctor: Conglaturation!

Ditzy: You’re Winner!

Twilight Sparkle stood there in shock and awe. She eventually spoke up, "You mean I did it? I won the tournament?

Doctor: (Twilight) If I read what you just said correctly.

I was able to beat Rainbow Dash and Applejack?" Twilight Sparkle began to hop up and down in place in sheer joy and giggled to herself.

Doctor: Her friends tried to not act embarrassed at her victory dance.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash both turned their attention away from Twilight and stared fiercely into each other's eyes.

"If this egg head didn't interrupt my final kill, there's no way you would have gotten that kill first A.J.!" Rainbow Dash said in a rather mocking tone.

Ditzy: Why is it whenever these two go up against each other, there never is a clear victor? Never.

"Nuh-uh!" the farm pony replied. "I had everythin' perfectly timed and my shot would have torn yer body to pieces before ya even had the chance to fire back! I reckon yer full of it, and not just full of my flak too!"

Both ponies banged their heads together

All: (Applejack and Rainbow) Ow…..

and stared aggressively into each other's eyes.

Rarity suddenly popped up between the two of them and said, "Now, now, ladies. Let's not forget that Twilight Sparkle worked just as hard as you both did and it would be a generous thing to go over and congratulate her for her outstanding efforts!"

Ditzy: Forget you’re humiliating defeat and praise the real winner.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack sighed at the same time. They both walked over and hugged Twilight Sparkle.

All the other ponies joined in for a great big group hug.

Ditzy: Awwwww…..

Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes and smiled a great big grin from ear to ear at the love and affection her friends were now showing her after they were all trying to violently kill her in unspeakable ways. It was all kind of crazy how her friends could go from utter carnage back to the sweet loving ponies.

Doctor: Yes, yes it is.

Ditzy: Just a little bit.

Even during the battles, she remembered her friends were often calling out "Nice shot, or nice dodging!"

Ditzy: Followed by vulgar language that would make a sailor blush.

So at least there was some sportsmanship going on throughout the arena. Twilight shrugged a bit and realized that it's just a game and they still had each other, and they were all still the best of friends.

Ditzy: A few exploded heads should never get in the way of a friendship.

Doctor: Someone should put that in a fortune cookie.

All the other ponies let go of Twilight and they were all soon teleported back through the door.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia stood before them.

Ditzy: Who recoiled a bit from their smell.

All the girls bowed down to the Princesses.

"Congratulations my most faithful student! You have done well and have pleased us!

Doctor: (Celestia) Shame and dishonor would have followed if you didn’t.

Please accept this trophy in honor of your very first tournament win!"

Doctor: It’s the perfect reminder of all the atrocities you committed.

Princess Luna levitated a giant golden trophy that had the circle "U" symbol on top of it over to Twilight Sparkle and set it down before her.

Doctor: Twilight frowned when she noticed her name spelled wrong.

Twilight grabbed a hold of the shiny trophy with both her front hooves and said, "Thank you so much for this trophy. I had a great time competing in the arena. What about the rest of you girls?" Twilight looked behind her and all of her friends lit up with smiles and they nodded their heads yes.

Ditzy: I’m sure the night terrors and flashbacks make it all worth it.

It was weird when the ponies thought about this. Somehow, killing and murder was magical and fun, and not one pony could deny it.

All: I could!

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 6

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 6

Applejack and Rainbow Dash Duel

Princess Luna paced back and forth in front of the six ponies as she spoke, "You girls have pleased your Princesses and we enjoyed watching your skills in the arena!

Doctor: (Luna) That is what peasants are for after all, and we don’t need to waste any of them this time!

The tournament is not limited to just Death Match!

Ditzy: (Luna) We have intense Bingo sessions as well.

We also have other styles of play such as Capture the Flag, Domination, Team Death Match, Warfare, Greed, Betrayal, and also the most demanding and skillful match type a pony can possibly play,

Ditzy: (Luna) Trivia!

Duel! We also have fun options such as special arenas that I made on the moon

Ditzy: Really? Cool!

Doctor: I see we finally understand what Luna was up to in those 1000 years.

so ponies can play with Zero Gravity, Instagib, and many other modifications!"

Ditzy: Is there a mode that doesn’t have horrific gore when somepony dies?

Rainbow Dash and Applejack's ears suddenly perked up at hearing of this ultimate skill type game called Duel.

Doctor: Really? I would think the fact that Luna can bring you to the moon would warrant more attention.

"What's a Duel?!" Both girls blurted out suddenly.

Ditzy: ...I think that would be pretty obvious. It’s a common enough game mode.

Princess Luna let out a deep laugh at their enthusiasm and explained to them. "A Duel is a special game type where only two ponies play against each other under a ten minute timer. Once the timer expires, whoever has the most kills is hailed as the better player.

Doctor: The loser? Shamed and ostracized

Duels can be played on any Death Match arena, but we have specially crafted arenas specifically designed for Duels that tend to be a bit on the smaller side compared to your typical Death Match arenas.

Ditzy: Yeah, who wants to spend ten minutes looking for each other.

Doctor: They don’t seem to have radar so that does seem to be a problem.

To be fair, Princess Celestia and I each let a pony take a turn picking out their most favorite and best arenas to play on. We normally do a best of three to start out to see who is the better competitor, and if each pony ties up the score, Princess Celestia and I decide what arena the both of you will play on next. Sometimes if we really enjoy watching a favorite match up, we may decide next time to increase the game to a best out of five, or perhaps a best out of seven in rare cases.

Ditzy: (Pony) Can you just end the game already!? We’ve been here for over four hours and I need to work in 30 minutes!

Doctor: (Luna) Nay! Once a challenge has been accepted, it must be followed through to the bitter end! So quit whining knave!

Princess Celestia and I are major fans of Dueling and we often spend much time together in the arena battling it out when we are not busy hosting other matches and being the announcers for other ponies."

Doctor: (Twilight) Princesses, have you considered hiring other ponies to moder……

Ditzy: (Luna) No! That would be sacrilege! They would ruin everything!

Applejack and Rainbow Dash both looked at each other and then back at the Princesses.

Doctor: (Applejack) If all yah time is spent here, who running the country?

Princess Celestia giggled a bit and said, "I think you and Applejack would like to try out a little Duel wouldn't you?"

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Well, actually I would like to get a something to eat first. I haven’t really eaten anything since 8 this morning.

Doctor: (Applejack) And ah have errands in town ah need to run before ah can do anythin’.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash closed their eyes and nodded their heads yes in excitement.

Princess Luna chimed in, "Well, since this is your first time experiencing a Duel, why

Doctor: (Luna) Why don’t we give a long and tedious explanation about how it works, not leaving a single detail untold?

don't you two play a single match to see what you think? Your friends can spectate the match as Princess Celestia and I will be the announcers for your game.

Ditzy: If your announcers, you could at least give colorful commentary.

We both were impressed with your skills and we think it would be very entertaining for us and your friends if you were to Duel.

Doctor: You're enjoying this a little too much.

Ditzy: It’s starting to get scary.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack turned to each other. Both of them put their hooves to their mouths and spit on them. They then banged their hooves together

Ditzy: Rarity shook her head in disgust.

and brought their heads close to each other. Each of them had a rather sinister grin on their faces as they couldn't wait to tear each others bodies to pieces inside the arena. For if any pony had the balls to go hoof to hoof against Rainbow Dash in a Duel, it was Applejack.

Ditzy: Um…..

She had giant balls. Not balls of steel, but giant balls of flak.

All: (Facehoof)

Pinkie Pie giggled and said, "It looks like it will be Rainbow Rockets versus Appleflak!

Ditzy: Available for one night only on pay-per-view!

Princess Celestia walked over and said, "Since you both only know one arena, Princess Luna and I have decided that we will pick a popular Dueling arena for you.

Ditzy: (Celestia) It’s called the Pit.

Our first pick is the popular Dueling arena called Pure."

Doctor: (Celestia) It consists of nothing but a stone floor and bare white walls.

Princess Luna used her magic to open the door to the arena named Pure.

The two tom-boys

Ditzy: Tomcolts you mean.

quickly ran over to the door and went through the portal.

Ditzy: Only to fall to the ground from the ceiling.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia both used their magic and teleported all the other ponies into the Spectators Mode.

Ditzy: Uh, what does that mean? You don’t need to enter a special mode to watch something.

The four mares found themselves above the arena on a cloud made of magic where they could see everything clearly.

Doctor: (Twilight) Ahhhhhhh!

Ditzy: (Celestia) Silly me. Forgot the cloudwalking spell.

If there was any obstructions such as roofs in the way, The Princesses used their magic to deal with the issue, so ponies who are spectating can see through them, but the ponies playing in the arena can not, nor can they see the spectators because they would be distracting to the players.

Ditzy: Luna liked using this spell for other ‘spectating’ she liked to do.

There were royal servants who brought the mares tea and snacks, like popcorn, apples, and other treats for them,

Ditzy: Dinky, could we possibly get treats in here one day too?

Dinky: Maybe if you are really really good.

Ditzy: You heard her Doctor. Be good so we can finally some popcorn.

Doctor: Me? I’ve always been the perfect angel.

as they were about to enjoy the epic gore fest that was about to happen between Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: So this is more of a spectator area then a mode.

"I think after this match up, the Princesses are going to need us to do another Winter wrap up, except cleaning up all the meat giblets instead of snow!" Pinkie Pie suggested

All: (Singing) Giblet Wrap Up! Giblet Wrap Up!

Let's finish our gore filled cheer

Giblet Wrap Up! Giblet Wrap Up!

All of her friends began to laugh at the thought.

Doctor: Things turned uncomfortable when Fluttershy laughed a lot longer than the others.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack both realized that their inventory slots were full with every weapon in the arena and they had unlimited ammo.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Luna, did you leave the cheat codes on again?

Princess Celestia spoke to them both, "You are now in warm up time.

Doctor: (Celestia) So remember to do your stretches first.

Feel free to roam around the arena to find where each weapon is and power up before readying up. You also may want to take a few practice shots at each other before you're ready to start the match."

Doctor: Shouldn’t that get in the way of their exploring?

Both ponies ventured across the arena while taking notes of where the Shield Belt is located along with the body armor and of course, their most favorite weapons.

Doctor: Remember, this will be on the test.

Rainbow Dash was the first to find where everything was located and readied up. "Why isn't the match starting? I accepted and I am ready to play!" she asked out loud.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Not that this will actually be a contest of course.

"Patience Rainbow Dash," the voice said, "We are both waiting for Applejack to accept and ready up. Applejack has not yet discovered where all the spawn points are for the weapons and power-ups. Be fair to her."

Doctor: (Rainbow) Patience?! She’s been playing on her iPony for the last 20 minutes!

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and began to fire Rockets across the arena.

Ditzy: Destroying a pillar by accident that brought the entire ceiling down on her.

She saw Applejack coming near her and decided to blast her with a volley of rockets.

Doctor: She was petty like that.

Applejack took some hard hits and yelled out, "Cut it out R.D.! I haven't found out where everythin' is yet and ya ain't helpin' me start this game any faster by ya messin' 'round like that! Ya hear?!"

Ditzy: Um, shouldn’t she be dead?

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes around and muttered, "Slow poke."

Applejack became confident and memorized where everything was in the arena. She consciously accepted that she was ready to play and the countdown began.

The voice chimed in for both ponies, "The match is going to start in three, two, one, PLAY!"

Ditzy: The battle for survival begins.... ENGAGE!

Applejack had spawned near the Rocket Launcher. She happened to pick it up for now even though it was not her forte. She quickly made her way over to where the lift jump was so she could get to the Flak Cannon as soon as possible.

Doctor: Have you ever thought about mastering a new weapon? It would especially be useful in situations like this one.

Rainbow Dash had spawned near the Flak Cannon. She grinded her teeth in frustration that she would have to travel a bit for the Rocket Launcher,

Doctor: The poor thing, having to walk a few blocks to get her favorite weapon.

but she picked up the Flak Cannon for now.

As both ponies were making their way to their favorite weapons, they both met face to face.

All: (Hums the Good, Bad, and the Ugly theme)

Rainbow Dash sloppily fired a few rounds of flak balls at Applejack.

Doctor: No stare down first? How disappointing.

Ditzy: What’s a duel without a stare down?

Applejack dodged the shots and returned fire with the Rocket Launcher.

Rainbow Dash was also able to easily avoid the blast from the rockets.

Ditzy: Gee, you weren’t kidding about them being sloppy.

Doctor: Adaptability doesn’t seem to be their strong point.

Both ponies were very sloppy with their precision because neither of them really enjoyed the weapon they currently were using.

Doctor: (Celestia) This isn’t as amusing as I thought it would be.

After enough volleying, both ponies got closer to each other in desperation, as an attempt to finish off the other. Rainbow Dash fired a flak ball at the hooves of Applejack, and Applejack fired three spiraled rockets at Rainbow Dash's hooves. Both shots were fatal for each player and the effects left a heaping pile of burnt body parts from each player.

Ditzy: ...That’s it?

Doctor: I really hope this duel doesn’t end with a tie too.

Pinkie Pie began to giggle madly and many of her friends were cheering at what they had just saw.

Doctor: Bravo! Bravo!

Ditzy: Hooray for seared flesh!

Upon respawning, both girls made their way to where their favorite weapons were supposed to be and were shocked to find that they were both gone. They both stood there in utter confusion until the voice spoke to them.

Doctor: (Celestia) To add more variety, a weapon can only be taken once during the Duel.

"You must have forgotten that this is a Duel and all the weapons have the same effect as other power ups in the game. Once a weapon is taken by a pony, it will not respawn until about twenty eight seconds. The same goes with other power ups such as health packs, and armor pick ups. The only item that takes longer to respawn is the Shield Belt, which is roughly fifty seconds. You can also check where there was the last death to see if you can still pick up weapons your opponent has dropped."

Doctor: These time limits are so short they are basically pointless.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack raced at full speed to where their bodies were recently blown to smithereens.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Wow, I never realized what a great flank I have.

They both saw the weapons they wanted and began to fire their Enforcers at each other as they made their way over to them. Before either pony could pick up the weapon they desired, the weapons disappeared.

Doctor: (Celestia) Luna.

Ditzy: (Luna) Hey, it was funny.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack both retreated as they continued to fire shots at each other while backing away. A few rounds from each Enforcer being fired just so happened to penetrate through both competitors bodies and chunks of their flesh flew into the air.

Doctor: So, I’m guessing they can’t die of shock or blood loss for some reason.

Ditzy: Magic Doctor! Don’t question it!

Neither pony was very accurate with shooting their enforcers because they were firing them too fast and the faster a pony who fires bullets out of an enforcer, the more inaccurate the shots would be.

Doctor: So inaccurate they actually curved around the body.

This was especially true in secondary firing mode where the weapon would fire a triple round burst rapidly. There was a certain timing window that one would have to learn and get a feel for when it came to firing the bullets with pin point accuracy. Even though each bullet fired from the Enforcer only did twenty hit points worth of damage when it hit an opponent, every point of damage was worth it in this desperate struggle for dominance in the Dueling arenas.

Doctor: Please, spare us no detail. Your telling of the peculiars of this game is really quite fascinating.

The voice spoke to them again. Weapons that are dropped from opponents will only stay there for a certain amount of time. You need to collect them quickly before they disappear."

Doctor: Thanks for tells us the blindingly obvious.

Both competitors made their way through the arena picking up as many power ups and weapons as they could, so that they didn't fall into the wrong hooves.

Ditzy: Yeah, there always seems to be some megalomaniac hiding around the corner.

Applejack picked up the Chest Armor with a few health vials as well as the Shock Rifle and the Stinger Gun. Rainbow Dash collected the Bio Rifle, some health vials and the Sniper Rifle. Both ponies were desperately trying to keep mental notes and get that feel for when their most favorite weapons would respawn.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash cursed the inaccuracy of her drawn on watch.

Even though Rainbow Dash's timing was excellent, Applejack was by far the best at timing things since timing and collecting the weapons and items reminded her of reaping during the harvest on the farm.

Ditzy: Except this time the fruits of her harvest was death.

Applejack was always on time when it came to waking up in the morning and laboring in the fields and she did just as well in the death match arenas when it came to grabbing the goods. It was almost like she had an internal clock within her that told her exactly what time the items would be respawning.

Ditzy: That’s because she was actually a cyborg!

There were many times where she would step hoof over an empty repsawn point for an item or weapon, and just as her hoof crossed over the empty spawn point, the item or weapon would spawn at that exact moment in time. Being late for anything was not of the Apple family way and Applejack proved that in the arenas as well as out of them. She was even timing the Health Vials.

Ditzy: This seems a little unfair, especially since she still has her Earth Pony strength.

Health Vials were scattered around many arenas and made an interesting sound when a player picked one up.

Ditzy: Banjo music?

Taking this health item could be dangerous because it often gave away the position of a player who was collecting them since opponents could hear the loud sound as well.

Ditzy: This is probably the noisiest game ever.

Even though collecting a single Health Vial only added five health points to a player's hit point count, this health item, as well as the Big Keg O' Health, could actually grant the player's health points to go over one hundred, unlike collecting your typical health pack that gave twenty five health points. Health Packs would not grant any more health points once a player reached one hundred health points and they could not be collected by a player who has one hundred health points or more. Health Vials in a Duel could not be taken by a player that has reached the maximum amount of health points. In a Death Match game or other game type, Health Vials could be collected as a means of not allowing your opponents to collect them even if the player collecting them had already maxed out on health points.

Ditzy: We don’t really need to know this! It isn’t that important!

Doctor: (Sighs) Yes, yes, we are impressed with your knowledge about this game. Now can we please get on with the story?

The ponies sensed that the most important power up in the game was about to spawn.

Ditzy: The Starpony!

Doctor: The Blue Shell?

The Shield Belt.

All: Oh, right.

Ditzy: I thought it was going to be that Damage Amp thing.

Rainbow Dash made her way back towards the Shield Belt upon learning that Applejack had already grabbed the Chest Armor for herself,

Ditzy: Since grabbing it gave off a yodelling sound.

and Applejack came down from above when she realized the Bio Rifle was taken. They both met at a fairly close distance and began to fire shots at each other as they both danced around and moved closer to the Shield Belt spawning point. Applejack fired a few pulse balls from the Shock Rifle and shot one of the balls with the primary fire mode. She missed. "How in tar-nations does Twilight Sparkle get kills with this doo-hickey?" Applejack muttered to herself.

Doctor: An obsessive drive to succeed and not fail her peers?

Applejack was still standing still and tried to connect another shock combo without moving. This was now the perfect time for Rainbow Dash to unleash a nearly fully charged Bio Rifle shot. Applejack tried to move out of the way, but it was too late. The giant glob of goo landed on her body and stuck to her, dealing damage over time.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Ugh, it feels like being covered in ah giant booger!

Applejack watched her health drop dangerously low to where she only had five health points. Thankfully, having collected a few Health Vials and the Chest Armor, it was just enough to keep her alive.

Ditzy: Unfortunately she had to listen to the extremely annoying low health sound.

Applejack realized that she wasn't exactly the master of using the Shock Rifle, so she switched to the Stinger Gun and began to blast away at Rainbow Dash. The rounds fired away at blistering speeds as Applejack performed a double jump towards a nearby wall and then dodged off of the wall with hopes to avoid any other nasty surprises that Rainbow Dash may have in store for her.

Doctor: Like the proximity mines she hid on the walls.

Rainbow Dash took out her Sniper Rifle. She had no idea how much health or armor Applejack had left, but she wanted to be safe and instead of using the Enforcer or the primary fire of the Bio Rifle, she decided to go with the Sniper Rifle to make sure that she would land the killing blow.

Doctor: Uh, isn’t that a weapon of precision and care timing. Not exactly your forte Ms. Dash

Rainbow's health began to drop rapidly. She was shocked that Applejack adapted so well to the Stinger.

Ditzy: She assumed Applejack was a dumb hick that never learned anything.

Rainbow Dash took a few shots at her friend. "Miss! Miss, and missed again!" she muttered to herself.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Why isn’t blindly shooting at her working?!

"I wonder how Rarity is so darn good with this weapon when it comes to head shots and I can't even get a single body shot off of Applejack!

Ditzy: She doesn’t try to make them during combat?

Rarity makes this weapon look so easy to use." Rainbow Dash had to seriously step up her game because her health was being chipped away rapidly. She fired another shot and it just barely missed Applejack's body.

Doctor: One of her front legs? Her chest? Her head? What? Be more specific.

Applejack continued to blast at Rainbow Dash and Rainbow eventually died from the gun fire. Applejack whipped the sweat off of her brow and said to herself, "Golly! That was a close one!" Suddenly she heard a loud charging like noise and she looked down,

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash was still alive!

she happened to be standing directly on top of where the Shield Belt spawned and she was now covered in this amazing glowing shield.

Doctor: It slices, it dices, and more for only the low low price of 15 bits in 8 easy payments.

She took special note that the shield gave her an extra one hundred hit points that had to be fully absorbed first before effecting her health points. Applejack suddenly realized that it must have been way past time to pick up her Flak Cannon, so she ventured up the stairs and hurried over to grab her precious Flak Cannon.

All: (Applejack) Mah preciousssss.

Upon picking it up, she realized that even with the Shield Belt, she only had one hundred and five hit points all together. This was a unique kind of protection she was wearing because wearing body armor like the Thigh Pads, the Chest Armor, or the Helmet, divided the damage taken to a player, meaning that part of the full damage given to a player would be partially absorbed into the body armor and the rest of the damage would effect the player's health points.

Ditzy: That doesn’t sound particularly unique.

Doctor: Unique as in it works not so different from normal armor?

The only bonus feature of the body armor was from the Helmet. While it only gave twenty extra hit points in armor, it greatly absorbed the bonus damage taken from a head shot from a shot from the Sniper Rifle.

Ditzy: Not any other weapons? What a jip!

The Chest Armor gave fifty extra hit points, and the thigh pads gave thirty extra hit points. Many times, if a player was very low on health and had lots of armor, then that player would still die from being hit even if he or she still had plenty of armor points left. It was possible on certain arenas to max out on hit points which was one hundred ninety nine health points and two hundred shield and armor points put together. A pony could have a massive total of three hundred ninety nine hit points all together.

Ditzy: Why not an even 400?

Applejack had a choice to make right now. Should she venture out and collect some health packs? Or should she attempt to steal Rainbow Dash's beloved Rocket Launcher so that she can dominate and control the arena? Applejack got greedy and decided to try to see if she can attempt to take the Rocket Launcher before Rainbow Dash could.

Doctor: (Applejack) And then ah reckon the Arena is gonna be all mine! Bwahahahaha!

This was a huge mistake because by the time Applejack ran over and grabbed the Flak Cannon, Rainbow Dash was already able to grab the Rocket Launcher for herself. As Applejack made her way back downstairs towards the Rocket Launcher, Rainbow Dash had used the lift jump and there was a large hole in the wall at the top in which she landed on a ledge. She had two rockets charged and rained them down upon Applejack.

Ditzy: It’s raining Rockets! Hallelujah!

Applejack's body went air borne. She had no idea where the rockets came from as she frantically looked around the arena while she was in mid air. Rainbow Dash leapt down from the ledge and fired another rocket. The rocket didn't hit Applejack mid air, but Rainbow made a strategic shot that hit the wall behind her right above her head. The splash damage sure enough was able to kill Applejack. Rainbow Dash's confidence soared after that kill and she was filled with so much adrenaline right now. She stood over Applejack's corpse and did a pelvic thrust to show off that she was the dominant one in the arena.

All: ….

Ditzy: (Celestia) Luna, have you been playing around the spell matrix again?

Doctor: (Luna) We just wanted to give the fighters a boost in aggression! We didn’t think it would have such side effects!

"Oh, yeah!" she said out loud.

Doctor: Um, you realize she can’t even see you right now. So this taunting is pointless.

Twilight Sparkle slapped the side of her face with her front hoof

All: Seconded.

and said, "I can only imagine the taunting and other little victory dances and poses that she'll come up with.

Ditzy: Hopefully with less molesting.

It's unreal how..."

Pinkie Pie interrupted Twilight Sparkle and said, "It's Unreal Tournament!"

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes at all the puns and jokes that would come about the name of this tournament.

Ditzy: They really should have thought up a better name.

Doctor: This world has enough puns as it is.

Twilight continued but used a different word instead. "It's amazing how quickly she forgot about her lesson in humility when we made up that super hero, Mare-Do-Well.

Doctor: (Twilight) We will have to think up another way to humiliate and humble her later.

I am rooting for Applejack this game in hopes that Rainbow Dash might be humbled by a loss in a Duel."

Ditzy: And this lessons can only be taught through defeat and bitter tears!

"But this is Rainbow Dash we're dealing with," Rarity said. "It would take a miracle for her to learn and practice humility, especially when it comes to dealing with sports and games."

Ditzy: Oh come on! She isn’t that bad!

Twilight Sparkle sighed and said, "I'm not disagreeing with you on that. Let's just wait and see what happens." Even though the players could not see or hear the spectators,

Ditzy: It was Luna’s idea.

Twilight Sparkle leaned over and put her two front hooves to her mouth. "Go Applejack!" she shouted in hopes that somehow her cheering would encourage her to play better.

Ditzy: Poor Rainbow Dash. She always seems to get villainized.

Applejack respawned and felt like she wanted to buck herself for not playing more conservative and picking up those health packs.

Ditzy: Especially at such affordable prices!

She now had to start over and find new weapons to collect before Rainbow Dash took full control over the arena.

Doctor: She could already see graffiti that said “Rainbow Dash rullz” all over the walls.

The battle raged on in what both the Princesses agreed was one of if not the most entertaining Duel matches they had ever hosted.

Doctor: Uh huh.

Ditzy: How about showing us this epic duel instead of telling us?

The other four mares were constantly cheering and yelling in excitement, especially when Rainbow Dash or Applejack used their own personal favorite weapons.

Doctor: Since they were the only weapons the girls could use with any degree of competency.

Both competitors were shocked when Princess Celestia announced the five minute warning.

Ditzy: The game only started 10 minutes ago.

They forgot that Duels were in fact much shorter than any other kind of game type.

Ditzy: Okay. You still haven’t told us how long a normal game is.

Doctor: This story is so selective about what it will tell us.

They both went into a frenzy battling for first place.

The body parts continued to fly throughout the arena as each pony was getting more desperate to do anything for a few more kills.

Doctor: Both attempted to bribe the princesses for advantages.

After the one minute warning, Princess Celestia would soon begin counting down the last few seconds of the game.

Ditzy: But something came up that took the Princesses away for a while extending the game.

Rainbow Dash was currently ahead by two points. She was playing it safe by avoiding Applejack and forcing her to come find her as she did her best to collect as many health vials and armor as she possibly could.

Applejack was getting frustrated at this tactic and kept trying to chase Rainbow Dash down. She was able to score a few shots off her as she saw her running by, but none of the damage was really significant.

Doctor: A loss of an ear and part of her shoulder wasn’t that significant.

As Applejack saw Rainbow Dash use the jump pad near the Rocket Launcher to grab the Stinger, she made a mental note that her path would include going to where the Chest Armor was. Applejack was near where the Rocket Launcher spawned and above her, there was a hole in the wall just big enough for a pony to run through. She knew that just beyond that hole, the Chest Armor had recently spawned because she heard the sound that it made when it had spawned.

Ditzy: Dang it, I’m running out of funny sounds.

She made a prediction and fired a flak ball blindly though the hole in the wall and waited with great anticipation. Her ears were perked up and her eyes were locked onto the round projectile that went soaring through the air.

Applejack knew that listening to the sounds in this game was very important and gave vital information away, be it listening to the sounds of hoof steps, item respawns, or even hearing a pony charging up their weapons.

Doctor: Adds an interesting element of strategy I suppose.

Some sounds were way louder than others, but even the faintest sounds were just as important to listen to.

Doctor: Woe to anyone playing this game with a slight hearing impediment.

She often heard the mechanical sounds of Rainbow Dash's most favorite weapon, when she was loading up multiple rockets or rocket grenades to fire around the corners, in hopes to catch Applejack out of position. Applejack often waited for the sound of her Rocket Launcher to fire first before charging into battle so that she wouldn't have to face dodging up to three rockets being fired at once as soon as they met during her encounters with Rainbow Dash. Even though Twilight Sparkle was the most sagacious and tactical player of the group, strategies like this and many others ran through Applejack's mind as well.

Doctor: Good to see Applejack not portrayed as an idiot.

Just as Rainbow Dash zipped by, the ball of flak directly hit her body just before she was able to grab the Chest Armor and she was turned into a pile of bouncing meat giblets.

"That a girl A.J.," the farm pony said as she praised herself. "Just gotta get one more frag to tie it all up!"

Ditzy: Are you sure this time or did you miscount again?

By now, the final ten seconds were soon to be counted down by Princess Celestia.

Ditzy: This is over. There is no way the Applejack can make another kill in 10 seconds.

Doctor: You forget one thing.

Ditzy: What’s that?

Doctor: The author doesn’t know how long ten seconds actually is.

Ditzy: Oh, right.

Rainbow Dash giggled to herself with delight. She refused to consciously respawn and figured that she'd just wait out the final ten seconds without having to risk failing and letting Applejack go into over time.

Ditzy: That’s cheap.

Little did she know that every time she thought she chose to consciously repsawn, that the Princesses were controlling that the entire time.

Doctor: Princess Celestia liked to give the illusion of freedom when in fact she was the puppet master the entire time.

Rainbow Dash respawned even though she did not wish to.

Doctor: Not surprising. After you could just make one kill and refuse to spawn for the rest of the game if you could.

"WHAT!? HOW COME I RESPAWNED! I WON THE GAME! IT'S OVER!" the cyan mare shouted out to the Princesses.

Ditzy: (Luna) You bring dishonor to this duel with such tactics. We will not allow you to win with such a cowardly method.

The voice spoke back to her, "Now, now, Rainbow Dash, we have auto respawn enabled so that ponies can't do the exact same thing you're trying to get away with.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh Ponyfeathers.

Respawns are automatic in this match type so that each pony has the chance to make a comeback in the late stages of the game. Nice try though, but you have to play it out."

Doctor: (Rainbow) It’s so unfair you won’t allow me to cheat!

Rainbow Dash angrily shook her front hoof to the sky in protest at this rule.

Ditzy: And was stuck down by the Princesses for her impedance.

As the timer went down to the final three seconds, Applejack had snuck up behind Rainbow Dash and shredded through her body with the primary fire of the Flak Cannon.

Doctor: That was predictable.

Ditzy: Wow, Applejack moves fast. She somehow ran across the entire arena, found Rainbow Dash, and snuck up on her in less than 7 seconds.

"OVER TIME!" the voice shouted out to both players.

Doctor: (Sighs) Again?

Ditzy: You’d think over time would be more rare.

Rainbow Dash respawned and raced over to grab the nearest weapon next to her. She picked up the Shock Rifle.

Ditzy: At...least it’s not the Sniper Rifle?

Applejack came around the corner from where the Shield Belt spawns and was now glowing with the effects of the power up.

Ditzy: Well, Rainbow Dash seems screwed.

Doctor: Maybe she will do something clever?

They both saw each other in the distance and fired away.

Rainbow Dash fired the alternative fire hoping to connect a shock combo with the primary fire.

Applejack instantly reacted by firing a ball of flak.

The beautiful thing about firing the flak ball was that the firing mode gave the projectile an arching effect, and she was able to send the ball hurling over Rainbow Dash's own projectile.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) What! That’s not fair!

Rainbow Dash suddenly looked up towards the sky, as the incoming ball of flak drew nearer and nearer to her face. She stood still waiting for the giant pulsing ball of energy to get close enough to Applejack, but it was too late. As the ball came closer to her face, she let out her final words before she died,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Oh….

"Aw, horse apples!" Before the ball landed against her face, she saw the smiling happy face that was drawn on each flak ball.

Ditzy: At least before you die horribly, you see a smiling face.

BAM! The flak ball tore through her and her body parts and insides went flying across the arena. Rainbow's liver ended up falling next to the hooves of Applejack.

Doctor: And it looked strangely appetizing to her.

Applejack scooped up her friend's liver with her hoof and held it to the sky as she held her Flak Cannon in her other hoof. "Yee-Haw! This here is in honor of y'all, Princess Luna and Princess Celestia."

Ditzy: Wha-what the buck?

Doctor: ...

"Congratulations, Applejack is the winner!" Princess Celestia announced.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 7

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 7

We All Still Love Eachother

Applejack and Rainbow Dash found themselves back to the lobby in front of their friends and the Princesses. Both ponies bowed down to the Princesses.

"Congratulations to both players!" Princess Luna said as she praised them. "Applejack! Your skills in the arena are commendable!

Doctor: (Luna) Quite impressive for a lowly mu….

Ditzy: (Celestia) Lulu, we talked about this. Such derogatory statements frowned upon in modern society.

You have proven yourself worthy of our praise and we have a special trophy for you!"

Ditzy: Do you give out trophies for every victory?

Doctor: Sounds a bit expensive.

Princess Celestia levitated a giant golden trophy for her victory in the arena and gently placed it down next to Applejack.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Wait a minute, it’s larger than my trophy!

Applejack bucked her back legs in excitement and wrapped her front leg around the sparkling trophy. She was grinning from ear to ear. Suddenly, she remembered that she should show her competitor some sportsmanship

Ditzy:(Applejack) Ah promise da not post mah epic crushin’ victory over ya on Ponybook.

and shake hooves with her. She looked over to Rainbow Dash who was still prone on the floor from bowing. Her head was hanging low and a single tear drop formed from her eye and hit the ground.

Doctor: She saw a pony throw a piece of garbage on the street.

Applejack put her front leg around her neck. "There, there sugar cube. I'm sorry ya lost, but it was a good clean match and we had lots of competition and fun in the arena!" Applejack stuck her hoof out for Rainbow Dash to shake, but Rainbow Dash didn't move.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Give your empty platitudes to somepony else!

"I just hate losing A.J.," the cyan Pegasus confessed. "We did the ultimate skill type match up and you proved that you're the best, and I have no excuses for losing. I just don't want to play with you anymore."

Doctor: This is not what I expected to happen...I thought she would just laugh it off or make some lame excuse.

Applejack looked at her gleaming trophy for a moment. She then turned to her friends as if hoping they would tell her what to do.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Yah want me to kiss her? How in tarnation would that help?!

Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle had a rather unsure look on their faces.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) We could...throw her a party?

Doctor: (Twilight) That’s your answer for everything!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Hey, it’s a good answer!

Fluttershy was smiling warmly at Applejack and said, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

Doctor: Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at her like she was mad.

Rarity gave Applejack a wink as if to support the words that Fluttershy had just spoken.

Ditzy: But in reality she was winking at a hunky guard in the background.

Applejack represented the element of honesty, not kindness or generosity, and normally, Applejack would tell Rainbow Dash to just suck it up and accept a loss, but the presence of Fluttershy and Rarity next to her was far too powerful and she got inspired by them. Applejack had an awkward smile on her face that spoke of uncertainty and she let out a rather unusual laugh. She turned back to Rainbow Dash and said, "Well, I tell ya what sugar cube, if winnin' is so darn important to ya, then I don't wana see my good friend suffer like this."

Ditzy: (Applejack) So ah will treat ya to our special batch of cider when we get home.

Applejack suddenly nuzzled the trophy over to her friend and continued, "I want ya to have it fer yerself. Yer a special friend of mine and I don't wanna see ya quit somethin' that ya have such a natural talent fer.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Wha, who said I was quitting?!

Just because I won the first Duel we ever played together doesn't mean I'm necessarily better than ya."

Ditzy: (Applejack) Best two out of three?

Rainbow Dash looked at the trophy. She noticed that at the bottom of it Applejack's name was inscribed.

Doctor: (Rainbow) You’re giving me a gift that will always remind me of my humiliating defeat. Thanks.

"No A.J. This trophy is yours. Your name is already on this trophy. You need to keep it," Rainbow said.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I don’t really have room for it anyway.

Applejack sighed aloud and looked over at the Princesses.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Ah tried.

She then spoke to them, "Tell ya what Pincess Luna and Princess Celestia, can ya'll use yer magic to inscribe Rainbow's name on it too? How about instead of one of us walkin' home with this here trophy, that ya'll can keep it and put it on display for other's to see. That way we can both be winners and no one would have to know that I won the first Duel match between us."

Doctor: (Applejack) Kill the guards so this secret never escapes.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia looked at each other with a rather serious look on their faces, and then looked back at Applejack.

Princess Luna spoke to Applejack, "That is a wonderful and commendable thing to do for your friend! We would be honored to do such a thing and put it on display! Especially since that very well could have been the most entertaining match up we have ever seen!"

Doctor: (Luna) We particularly liked the part where you offered us your best friend’s kidney.

Rainbow Dash suddenly got up and hugged her friend. "Thank you for doing this for me A.J. It means the world to me. It really does," she confessed

Applejack patted her on the back, "It's okay sugar cube, anythin' fer a special friend of mine. It pains mah heart to see ya sad."

Ditzy: Hooray! Now Rainbow Dash will never have to learn her lesson about humility!

Rainbow Dash suddenly let go of Applejack and she perked up a bit. "So do you think we can have a rematch? I think I got a rocket with your name on it," she squealed in delight.

There was this filly-like excitement that Applejack could see in her friend's eyes.

Doctor: Doesn’t death and carnage bring the inner child out of all of us?

Applejack just grinned madly at her enthusiasm. "That a girl Rainbow. I'm glad to see yer motivation is back, but I'm awfully tired from all the fun we had today.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Too bad, we battle now!

Let's call it a day and perhaps we can enter the arenas another time. I think at home I got an apple pie with yer name on it. Let's have a celebration together, not just over the wonderful Duel match we had, but more importantly, our friendship."

Doctor: (Rainbow) Friendship, yeah whatever. How does Friday sound?

"Apple pie?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I think Dashie needs to eat a humble pie! Hey Applejack! If we ever become a team in a two on two Team Death Match game type, can we combine our names together and call our team name, Apple Pie? Do you get the joke? Did you see what I did there?"

Ditzy: This must be one of Pinkie’s off days.

Twilight Sparkle elbowed Pinkie Pie hard in the side in hopes that she would be quiet for once.

All: Good luck with that.

The other mares let out an "Awwww," and began stomping their hooves on the floor in approval.

Doctor: (Rainbow) It’s about time somepony shut Pinkie up!

Ditzy: (Rarity) No more puns darling.

When the cheering died down. Applejack and Rainbow Dash's friends all rushed in for a big group hug with them in the middle of it.

Ditzy: Awwwww.

Doctor: It’s a shame they probably still smell like rancid flesh.

Princess Celestia spoke to them, "We are thrilled that you all enjoyed today's competition! Princess Luna and I both agree that we would be interested in hosting more match ups for you all. Especially where you can work together as a team such as playing Team Death Match games, Capture the Flag, and one of our most favorite game types, Domination. We have so many more game types and we have many groups of ponies who enter the tournament seeking to be the best of the best.

Ditzy: I want to be the very best

Like nopony ever was

To kill them all is my real test

To frag them is my cause

Our current dominating team in both Capture the Flag and Team Death Match is no other than the Wonderbolts themselves!"

Doctor: Don’t they have better things to do like rescue ponies?

Rainbow Dash instantly perked up and blurted out, "THE WONDERBOLTS PLAY THIS GAME!?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!

IS SOARIN' ON THE TEAM TOO?" Rainbow Dash instantly changed the tone of her voice hoping that she didn't give away her true feelings for Soarin'.

Doctor: (Rainbow) He’s kinda cool I guess.

She repeated her question in a less caring voice. "Uh, I mean, is Soarin' on the team too?"

Both Princesses giggled.

Doctor: Luna loved playing matchmaker.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash," Princess Luna said, "We already know you have quite the affinity for Soarin',

Ditzy: (Luna) The multiple restraining orders and arrests attend to that.

but to answer your question, the answer is yes. Soarin' is one of the top elites of this game and he often enjoys to Duel in his spare time when not competing with his team."

Doctor: Stamp collecting is for losers.

Princess Luna suddenly leaned over and put her head next to Rainbow's ear. "Who knows.......maybe he'd be interested in spending a little special time with you and you both can do a little one on one action in the arena. I have a few beautifully crafted arenas set under my shining moon light and that can be a bit romantic for such a special occasion."

Doctor: Really, what could be a more romantic spot?

Rainbow's cheeks turned bright red as she let out a nervous little laugh.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Lulu is going to have such fun watching those two later.

She eyed her friends suspiciously, hoping that they weren't going to tease her.

Doctor: They whistled innocently.

Most of her friends were already giggling at her.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ugh! I’m never going to hear the end of this!

Princess Celestia broke the laughter of her friends. "Okay girls, we are scheduled to be hosting some other events right now in the tournament, and we must go.

Doctor: Seriously, do you do anythingelse?

Please feel free to sign up at any time for special tournament events, as well as hosting other different kinds of matches and game types!"

Ditzy: So, um, how is this all funded exactly? Is there an admission fee?

Princess Luna used her magic and levitated a box that opened up. Princess Luna then gently lifted off each of the girl's necklaces with her magic and placed them back inside the box.

Princess Celestia looked over to Rarity and said, "Rarity, I know you have the eye for things and love to create. It can be stressful creating these new arenas or updating versions of an older arena.

Doctor: (Celestia) I have lost much sleep trying to perfect my designs.

Would you possibly be interested in helping us out by creating and decorating them? It would please Princess Luna and I very much. Of course, we will credit you for your work and it could very well help promote your business since many ponies already know you for your designing and dress making abilities."

Doctor: Somehow I doubt that.

Ditzy: Maybe if she was an architect.

Rarity's eyes opened wide. "You want me to help out with something as huge and important as arena creations and revisions?"

Ditzy: After all, this seems to be the most important game in the universe I guess.

Rarity put her front leg to her forehead and then used her magic to bring out that red fainting couch and fell onto it in a dramatic manner.

All: (Rolls eyes)

Rarity opened one eye and noticed that one of the handsome guards was close to her. "Oh, wait!" she said as she got up from the couch. "This would be much better to faint into." Rarity put her front leg to her forehead and fell into the guard.

Doctor: He ignored her and she fell to the ground.

The guard dropped his spear and caught her.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia looked at each other and then looked back at Rarity with confusion.

Ditzy: (Luna) Is the white one always like this?

"So does that mean the answer is yes, Rarity?" Princess Luna asked.

Twilight Sparkle sighed and said, "I think the answer to your question is yes, my Princesses. Rarity can be just a tad bit over dramatic sometimes. Especially when it comes to handsome stallions."

Ditzy: It still confuses me how she can look over Spike.

Rarity opened her eyes and then winked at the Princesses. She tried to contain her giggling.

The guardspony holding her, rolled his eyes.

Doctor: (Guard) I’m gay madam.

"A simple yes or no can do next time, Rarity, but we are thrilled that you will lend us a helping hoof," Princess Luna said.

Ditzy: (Pony) Um, is this a ballroom or a battle arena?

Princess Celestia levitated Twilight's trophy and placed it by her. "Please don't forget to take your trophy home with you, Twilight Sparkle.

Doctor: (Luna) We don’t think your trophy is worthy displaying.

Guards! Please escort our friends outside. Thank you."

Ditzy: (Guard) Get out! We never want to see your faces around here again!

The guards helped guide the ponies back up the stairs and back outside through the main castle doors.

The ponies waved goodbye to the guards.

Rarity winked and pointed at the guard that she fainted into. "And I'll be back for you later, handsome," she said as she batted her eye lashes quickly at him. "This mare knows how to scope out ponies inside of the arenas and outside of them too."

Ditzy: What a hussy.

The guardspony sighed and rolled his eyes once more.

Doctor: (Guard) What part of ‘I’m gay’ doesn’t she understand?

Rarity turned her back on him and went along with her friends.

Ditzy: She later forgot that guard even existed.

The mares were on their way to Twilight's house, but before they reached her house, they took a detour and went with Applejack to Sweet Apple Acres. The ponies waited outside of the farm for Applejack. Applejack wanted to make a pit stop and pick up an apple pie for her friends to share.

Doctor: Just one?

She was a very food oriented pony and loved to eat, especially after working or playing hard. Once they made it through Twilight's library, Spike had greeted them with a fancy tea party that he set up for their return.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ugh! We just had tea!

Spike rushed over to Twilight's side and asked, "How was your special day, Twilight? What was it that the Princess had you all do today? What's up with the trophy!? What did you win!?"

Doctor: (Spike) It’s positively unreal that you…

Ditzy: (Twilight) No puns Spike! I’ve had more than enough for today!

Twilight began to giggle. "Oh Spike, take a note!"

Spike got out a scroll and quill and was ready to write.

Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat, "Ah-hem.....Dear Princess Celestia, MURDER IS MAGIC!"

Doctor: A friendship lesson we can all take to heart I’m sure.

Spike began to repeat what she said out loud and wrote the words down. Suddenly, Spike stopped and said, "Huh? Wait? What? Murder is magic? What kind of heresy has the Princess been teaching you?"

Doctor: Princess Celestia is a surprisingly bad influence on her.

Ditzy: (Spike) At least I don’t have to bail you out of prison this time.

Twilight giggled again and said, "Murder, violence, and killing is magical and it brought our friendships even closer together than you could have ever imagined!" Twilight suddenly reached her front legs out and drew all of her friends in for a warm hug.

Ditzy: (Spike) Uh, thanks….Please don’t hurt me!

"You'll have to come visit us when we're in the Unreal Tournament Death Match arenas and see us in action!"

Ditzy: (Twilight) Come and see the horrific and unspeakable things I do to my enemies!

Spike had the most dumb founded look on his face. Eventually he replied, "What!? That is insane!

Ditzy: (Spike) Are you off your medication again?

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh Spike, you know the doctors only gave me that in a secret plot to give me cancer! They think they are so clever, but I am on to their conspiracy! They want to lower Equestia’s population through phony medicine! The public may buy their lies, but I don’t!

Ditzy: (Spike sighing) Owlicious, get the clown hammer again.

You girls participated in a tournament that is called a Death Match? That almost sounds as ludicrous and evil as when the time King Sombra used to put Fluoride inside the crystal ponies toothpaste and drinking water in order to dumb them down and make them so sick and cancerous that they couldn't rebel.

All: ....What?!

Princess Celestia has been putting Fluoride in our drinking wells hasn't she? Is that how your mind is coming up with such nonsense!?"

Doctor: (Spike) Wait, nevermind. You’re just in a bad fanfic.

Twilight Sparkle couldn't stop smiling. "Nope!" she said. "Our Princesses love us

Doctor: Wait, wait. Go back to the Flouride and Sombra thing. What in blazes are you talking about?

Ditzy: ...An in joke?

and care for our health as well as our well being. She would never do such a thing!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Cadance on the other hoof…(Shutters)

You'll just have to come and spectate us in our sport sometime!"

"Ha! I guess I'll have to!" the purple dragon said.

Ditzy: Don’t bring him into this too!

"I can only imagine Fluttershy having the urge to hurt somepony."

Fluttershy warmly smiled and said, "Oh, Spike, if you only knew. If you only knew."

Doctor: (Fluttershy) If only…(Sighs)

The rest of the girls began to laugh with Fluttershy and then they headed over to where that apple pie was on the table.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) And then Rarity’s abdomen exploded and her intestines smeared the walls leaving a…

Ditzy: (Rarity) Darling, maybe we should discuss another time. Such things should really not be talked about at the dinner table.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I can’t help it! See those things just excites me so much!

Episode 16 - Dax's Despair

Hello again! This time we will be reading Dax’s Despairby Dark Angel AW. This is the first story that I have ever been requested to do! Please give me more requests so I don’t have to constantly look for bad fics to do! What is this story about? Well, not all that much really. Bad things happen and things get better. That’s about it. Horrible things happen to the main character because she need to have horrible things to her in her backstory. It’s an okay story. Not much else to say about it. This is a spinoff/prequel of another story the author did. It’s called The Dark Defender. This is the backstory of an OC he created for that story. Will I do this story? Probably not. It looked really boring from what I read, and barely remember anything about it.

Next time we will be doing The Spread of Darknessby The Grimm Reaper. So looking forward to this. This story is so crazy. I’m still unsure whether this or Darkness of Love is worse. They are both bad in different ways. I will probably have a more definite opinion after I finish riffing Spread. And no, I am not doing the clop scenes. Thank goodness. Anyway, on with the fic!

If anyone is interesting in editing Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater, please PM me on my fimfiction account.It would be so nice to actually have an editor! Then you all don’t have to deal with my downright embarrassing grammar and spelling!

Special thanks to Dark Angel AW for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 16

Dinky was grinning ear to ear. Finally she did. She finally did it. The Doctor and Ditzy were standing in a doorway and above them was a mistletoe. The two were staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Both were blushing bright red. Dinky saw the love they felt for each other when she looked into their eyes. She was leaning forward on the control panel into one of the monitors on the computer in her command room. She was eating the scene up. Ditzy strokes the Doctor’s mane with one her hands lovingly.

“Ditzy, I have wanted to tell you this since I first meet you.” The Doctor said. “I don’t think I can express in words just how much you mean to me.”

Ditzy giggled. “Oh Doctor, you don’t need to say anything.” She started to lean forwards towards him. “I can think of a much better way you can tell me.”

“Do tell.” He said flirtatiously. He too started moving towards Ditzy’s face.

The two slowly started moving toward each other with lips extended. Dinky watched barely able to keep still. All her planning and manipulations have finally bared fruit. Closer and closer they got. Dinky held her breath. Their lips were almost touching.

“Hey Timey! Hey Ditzy! Whatcha doing?!” A familiar high pitch voice exclaimed. The two froze in place and turned towards the interloper. It was Pinkie Pie excitedly jumping up and down behind them.

“Pinkie Pie!?” Dinky cried out completely stunned.

“Oh, hey Pinkie! Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve!” Ditzy exclaimed happily.

“Happy Hearth's Warming Eve Pinkie.” The Doctor said with a smile. “Here to help us celebrate the festive holiday?”

“Yeperoonies! I thought it was super sad that you two are spending Hearth's Warming Eve all alone. So I came to hang out with you!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “And I brought presents.” Pinkie suddenly materialized five wrapped presents of various sizes in her hooves.”

“This is fantastic!” Ditzy exclaimed throwing her arms in the air.

“And that isn’t all! I brought a guest with me!”Pinkie said after putting her gifts under the nearby Hearth's Warming Tree.

“Hey Doc! Hey Ditzy!” A male voice said in the other room. The two time travelers turned towards it. It was Spike.

“Spike!” Ditzy exclaimed happily and hugged him fiercely. “It’s been too long!”

Spike laughed and hugged back. “Yeah it has. I’ve really missed you Ditzy.”

“What.” This was all Dinky could say. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Her mouth hung open.

Ditzy hugged Spike even harder before letting go. “How about I make you those ruby encrusted muffins you’ve always liked?”

“That sounds great!” Spike said happily.

Ditzy’s voice took on a more sultry tone. “Then maybe we could enjoy them in a secluded part of the garden. Just the two of us.”

Spike gave a knowing smirk. “I won’t mind that one bit!” The two went off towards the kitchen.

“What.” Dinky couldn’t believe her eyes. What about the confession of love they were about to make?

“Awwww. They’re so cute!” Pinkie smiled.

The Doctor nodded. “They made a good couple.”

“That means…” Pinkie’s voice took on a more sultry tone. “we’re alllllll allooooneeee. Think of all the fun games we could do together.” Pinkie caressed the Doctor’s chin with her tail and looked at him with lidded eyes.

The Doctor smiled and said flirtatiously. “What kind of games are we talking about? Will they be hard to learn?”

“Don’t worry. Pinkie will give you plenty of directions.”

“What the buck is going on here!” Dinky exclaimed loudly over of the speakers. Her mother always told her to never use that sort of language, but she couldn’t help it. The Doctor and Pinkie didn’t seem to hear her and started moving in for a kiss. Dinky screamed.

Dinky woke up with a start. She was breathing heavily and she was matted in sweat. She looked around her room confused. It took a moment, but she remembered where she was. She was in her bed in her room. “Just a dream.” She said trying to comfort herself. She sighed in relief. “What a nightmare.”

She reached over to a picture on her nightstand and started stroking it gently. It was a picture of she and her parents at the carnival they went to on her last birthday in Fillydelphia. She sighed. After a few moments she got out of bed to start her day. It was a bit early, but she didn’t feel like going back to sleep.

She walked to the bathroom and started brushing her teeth. She started thinking about the dream as she brushed. After all these months, she still wasn’t any closer to getting her parents together. For some bizarre reason, they refused to be anything more than just friends. She had hoped romance would naturally bloom from all the time they spent together alone. That is how it worked on TV. She might have to do something drastic. She was tired of playing a passive role. She decided that she would spend the rest of the school day thinking about how to fix this problem. It wasn’t like school was actually hard or anything.

“How about I have dad rescue mom…no what I am thinking? He does that all the time.” Dinky thought. “Mares always seemed to fall for stallions that bravely rescued them on TV, but dad has probably rescued her about a billion times now. She would have fallen for him already if that worked.”

In the background Cheerilee was giving a math lesson. Dinky wasn’t paying attention at all, lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly an idea struck her. “What if I create a romantic mode like one at a dinner? That might spark something.” She delighted at this idea. She could use dim lights, candles, and romantic music. It could work, but how to do it without making it awkward or obvious? She would have to plan carefully. Hearts and Hooves day was coming up. Maybe she could use that? Dinky decided. This would be her plan.

“Dinky.” Cheerilee said trying to get her attention. Dinky didn’t hear a word.

“But Spike is still a problem.” Dinky pondered. “Mom likes him too much.”

“Dinky.” Cheerilee said again even louder, but it still failed to get her attention.

“I need to somehow convince her that she can never have him.” Dinky tossed the idea around in her head.

“Dinky!” Cheerilee yelled. Dinky started wide-eyed and almost jumped out of her chair.

“Huh?” Dinky asked turning to her teacher. The class giggled at this display.

“I’m glad I finally have your attention.” Cheerilee stated a little annoyed. “Since you’re obviously paying so much attention to the lesson, how about you solve this problem?” She pointed towards a complex calculus problem on the chalkboard. It had to do with finding x in an equation where the limit of x approaches 0. Most of the equation covered the board. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon snickered at Dinky.

Dinky glanced at it and gave her answer. “.04997”

Cheerilee started at this and gaped a bit. “That’s correct Dinky.” The rest of the class had a similar reaction.

“That can’t be right! She just looked at it!” Diamond Tiara protested.

“Yeah! There is no wayshe could get the answer that quickly!” Silver Spoon agreed in a haughty tone.

Cheerilee looked at her answer book to double check Dinky’s answer. “No, she right. It could have been rounded up to just .05, but good work Dinky. ” Cheerilee complimented.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon gapped. “You can’t be serious. “ Diamond Tiara said stunned.

“Wow, dat’s amazin’ Dinky!” Apple Bloom complimented. The rest of the class except the bullies gave similar compliments. Dinky turned a little red and curse herself for being careless like that. She wanted to hide just how smart she was.

“Now settle down class.” Cheerilee said to plicate the class. They calmed down in a few moments. “I’m glad you got the answer right Dinky, but please pay more attention to class next time.”

Dinky nodded. She decided she would think about her plans later

“She probably has already seen this problem before.” Silver Spoon quipped whispering to Diamond Tiara.

“Yeah, there’s no way she could ever be that smart.” She agreed.

“Girls!” The two bullies jumped when Cheerilee called them out. “That means you too.”

The two eagerly nodded and Cheerilee resumed the lesson.

The rest of the day was uneventful and the school day finally ended. The fillies and colts rushed out of school and Cheerilee gave them a jovial farewell. Dinky left the school and began to walk by herself unlike most of the other foals that got together with friends to play. She didn’t mind that and was lost in thought again. The problem was setting up the dinner without her parents getting suspicious. That would be the hard part. She was pondering this when she was interrupted by a high pitched voice with a small crack in it.

“Hey Dinky!” The voice yelled. Dinky turned around to see who was interrupting her. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Finally! We called you like a billion times!” Scootaloo complained.

“More like three times.” Sweetie Belle corrected.

“Whatever. What’s up?” Scootaloo chirped. “By the way, it was super cool what you did in class today!” The other crusaders nodded.

“Nothing.” Dinky said awkwardly. The crusaders also become awkward after this comment. There was dead silence before Apple Bloom finally spoke up.

“Look, we would like ta apologize.” She said her ear drooping.

“We didn’t mean for things to get so out of control.” Sweetie Belle said embarrassed.

“We know we got off on the wrong hoof, but we would like to start over.” Scootaloo offered.

“We would love to give ya’ll another shot to become a crusader!” Apple Bloom beamed. The other crusaders nodded eagerly.

“No.” Dinky said simply. The crusaders started in shock at the sudden and blunt answer.

“I’m not surprised.” A mocking voice said behind them. It was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

“No kidding. Why would she want to join a bunch of loser blank flanks like you?” Silver Spoon scoffed.

The Crusaders glared at the two bullies. “Nopony asked you!” Apple Bloom shot back.

“I’m sure she has better things to do with her time then fail again and again at getting her Cutie Mark.” Silver Spoon quipped.

“At this point, it’s just embarrassing. “ Diamond Tiara grinned wickedly.

Dinky just watched silently as the two groups started arguing with each other. She thought this was the perfect time to slink away and let her two problems deal with themselves. A strategy she learned from her father. She quietly moved away as the fighting intensified.

Apple Bloom shoved her face into Tiara’s. “Ya’ll think you so dang special for having Cutie Marks, but ya’ll nutting but a bunch of good for nutting bullies!”

“Yeah! And so what if we don’t have our Cutie Marks? It‘s better than have a lame one like yours!” Scootaloo shot back. “What do they even mean anyway?”

Diamond Tiara looked offended. “My Cutie Mark shows that I’m destined for greatness. To be a pony that stands above all others. “She jumped on a nearby tree stump and gestured to demonstrate her point.

“And mine shows my talent for elegance and beauty. “ Silver Spoon gave a little curtsy. The crusaders rolled their eyes.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have Cutie Marks like us.” Diamond Tiara mocked.

“Blank Flanks. Blank Flanks.” The two mocked giving a cruel laugh. The Cutie Mark Crusaders gritted their teeth.

“Let’s get out of here Silver Spoon.” Diamond Tiara turned and started moving away from the Crusaders.

“Yeah, like their lameness might be contagious.” Silver Spoon commented. The two bullies gave another cruel laugh and left the three fillies fuming.

“They are the worst.” Sweetie Belle yelled.

“Yeah, the worstest!” Scootaloo agreed.

“Uh, Scootaloo. That isn’t actually a word.” Sweetie Belle corrected

“Whatever. They are the biggest jerks ever!”

“Wait ta minute.” Apple Bloom started looking around. The other crusaders turned towards her.

“What?” Scootaloo asked.

“Where’s Dinky?” Apple Bloom lifted up a rock and looked under it.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked around and discovered Dinky to be gone.

“Where did she go?” Sweetie Belle asked perplexed. The Crusaders pondered this.

“Maybe she left because she didn’t want to be bullied and called a blank flank by Silver

Spoon and Diamond Tiara?” Scootaloo speculated.

“Yeah that has ta be it.” Apple Bloom agreed.

“Poor Dinky. She’s always so shy.” Sweetie Belle said.

“We’r gonna have ta try extra hard to show hur tairs nothing wrong with being a blank flank and she’s got friends ta protect hur.” Apple Bloom declared. The other crusaders agreed.

“We’ll just try again tomorrow.” Scootaloo declared.

“She’ll be a Crusader in no time!” Apple Bloom predicted.

“So what should we try getting our Cutie Marks in today?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“How about dam making?” Scootaloo suggested.

“I like that idea.” Sweetie Belle complimented.

“Ah’m sure Fluttershy’s beaver friends will help us.” Apple Bloom pointed out.

“Cutie Mark Dam Makers YAY!” The three fillies cheered and ran towards Fluttershy’s house.

Dinky sighed as soon as she got to the control room of the facility. She was glad to able to avoid those pesky fillies. She had no idea why those fillies felt the need to butt their heads into everything. She put the Crusaders out of her mind for more pressing matters. She scanned the monitors for her parents. She found them in their room on their bed playing cards again. The Doctor was trying to beat her mother at Poker. A closer look revealed that he was losing badly. Ditzy’s pile of chips looked like a mountain compared to his. It looked like they were in the middle of a game. Dinky decided to leave them to it and do some routine cleaning. She got a broom out of the broom closet and started sweeping.

“One day Ditzy I will finally beat you at that accursed game.” The Doctor said when he entered the main meeting room.

“I hope so.” Ditzy replied. “It would be nice to have somepony that can actually challenge me.” Dinky noted her mother’s enjoyment at her father’s irritation.

“Good day. My little test subjects.” Dinky said over the intercom. It came out as a distorted slightly masculine voice to her captives.

“Hello Dinky.” The Doctor replied.

“Hello Dinky.” Ditzy said in a better mood than her friend.

“What piece of literary horror do you have for us today?” The Doctor said crossing his hooves.

“Today you will be reading ‘Dax’s Despair’ by Dark Angel AW. An uplifting fic about a filly down on her luck. Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her famous evil laugh. She watched as her parents ran into the theater after the experiment alarm went off.

X ~ 9 years ago ~ X

“Push! Push! PUSH!!! PUSH!!! PUSH!!!” a light blue earth pony named Nurse Tenderheart shouted as she was encouraging a pegasus mare with a white coat, a golden mane and tail, and a cutie mark of the sun shining through the clouds.

Doctor: Who was ironically the most bitter and pessimistic pegasus you have ever met.

The pegasus' mane was matted with sweat as she attempted to give birth.

“WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME?!!!” the white pegasus growled as she continued to push as hard as she could.

Ditzy: (Tenderheart) I’m just trying to do my job lady.

“Come on, honey. Just a little more,” a blue unicorn with a silvery gray mane and tail and a cutie mark of a pocket watch swinging back and forth said.

Doctor: (Mare) Save it!You got me into this mess!

The unicorn was the pegasus' husband, “Just one more good push, Shine.”

Ditzy: (Shine) One more word and I’llpush youout a window!

Shine then grabbed her husband's hoof and squeezed as she did one final push, “AAAHHHHH!!!!!” Shine shouted.

“AAAHHHHH!!!!!” the unicorn shouted in pain as his wife squeezed his hoof.

Ditzy: She thought it was unfair that she’s the one that gets to feel all the pain.

Finally, after an agonizing labor, the sound of a whine coming from a foal was heard,

Ditzy: (Foal) But Moooommmmmm, I don’t wanta shot!

“Congratulations,” Nurse Tenderheart said in a gentle tone, as she held up a small foal wrapped in a white blanket, “It's a filly.” Tenderheart then handed the foal to her mother.

Shine lifted the blanket to see the face of their newborn foal.

Ditzy: She started to sweat when she noticed that the filly had stripes.

She had a silver coat similar to her father's mane, a white mane and tail with blue highlights, and a small silver horn,

Doctor: (Shine disappointed) Oh, she’s a unicorn.

“Oh, Trance, isn't she beautiful?” Shine asked her husband.

“...My hoof...” Trance said in a meek voice as he looked at his now crushed hoof.

Doctor: (Shine) So beautiful, truly this is the miracle of life.

Ditzy: (Trance) It’s bleeding! The pain!

Doctor: (Shine) Oh shut up! My husband is such a whiner.

The silver coated foal opened up her eyes and looked up at her mother. Shine was surprised at what she saw.

Ditzy: The Sharingan!

Her left eye was sky blue like her mother's eyes. However, her right eye was silver, like her father's.

Doctor: Heterochromia iridum? (Sighs) Oh course.

Ditzy: I guess the author couldn’t decide what eye color to give her. So why not both!

“So, have you two thought of a name?” Tenderheart asked.

Ditzy: (Shine) Shiance.

“Yes, we have,” Shine said, “Daxelia.”

Ditzy: What? What sort of name is that for a pony? A dragon maybe, but a pony?

Doctor: Typical, your OC has to have some special unique name no one else has.

Ditzy: And special colored eyes? You are really pushing it author.

Doctor: At least she isn’t an alicorn too.

Ditzy: Yet.

X ~ 5 years later ~ X

Shine was leaning her face against a tree and her eyes covered, “...Eight...Nine...Ten! READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!” She called out before she started looking around the playground, apparently looking for something. She started by searching near the jungle gym.

Ditzy: There’s gold in them thar jungle gym.

Shine was playing hide and seek with her daughter, Daxelia, who had just turned five today. They were at Fillydelphia National Park. Shine knew that Daxelia wasn't hiding by the jungle Gym.

Doctor: Little Dax hated capitalization errors.

In fact, she knew exactly where she was hiding. Her horn was sticking out of a bush. But she prolonged the seeking process to help play on Daxelia's ego.

Doctor: After all, she had plans for her. Plans that would lead to world domination.

“Hmmm. I wonder where she could be,” Shine said out loud. That's when she heard a giggling coming from inside a bush.

Ditzy: Dax laughed at her mother for announcing her presence and giving her position away.

Shine continued to search around the park for her daughter until she gave Daxelia a clear shot to the tree that was 'safe'.

Doctor: Her mother secretly hide traps around the tree.

The silver filly got out from under the bush and ran toward the tree. Hearing this, Shine took flight and flew toward her daughter to tag her.

Ditzy: That’s just cheating!

Daxelia had won the race to the tree. But only by a couple of seconds. Shine had still tackled her daughter just for fun.

“I won, mommy! I made it to safe before you caught me!” Daxelia said as she was laying pinned down on her back.

“Oh really now?” Shine stated as she playfully argued her daughter's claim, “Well I disagree. I think I caught you first.”

Doctor: Shine didn’t want her daughter to think that she won anything. She said it built character.

“Nuh-uh! I won!” Dax said with a giggle, “And that means you're it again!”

“We'll see about that,” Shine said

Doctor: (Shine) Since I’m the mother here, I get to change the rules. You’re it now.

as she put on a mock sinister smile and began to ruffle the feathers on her wings. Then she began tickling Daxelia with her wings, making her laugh uncontrollably, and squirm to try to escape.

Ditzy: You will not escape the tickling of death!

“Hahaha...Please...hahahaha...stop...hahaha!” Daxelia managed to say through her laughing fit.

“Did I win then?” Shine asked as she continued her tickle torture.

Doctor: Shinereallyrefused to accept defeat.

“Hahaha...No...haha...me...hehehehe...win...hahaha!” was all Daxelia could say through her laughing fit. As she continued to laugh, her horn was beginning to glow with magical energy.

Ditzy: She was going to her mother who's boss.

Then suddenly, the energy burst out in a magical explosion.

Ditzy: By...killing her?

Doctor: Er...what? I thought she was just going to lift her off.

Shine had stopped tickling Daxelia, taken by surprise by the explosion.

Doctor: Explosions do that.

Both her and Daxelia were covered with ash after the blast.

Ditzy: It’s a good thing this isn’t Unreal Day, or they would have gotten their head blown off or something.

Daxelia was now panting and exhausted. The burst of magical energy combined with her laughing fit took allot out of her.

Doctor: The laughter was mostly to blame naturally.

“So...*pant*...Sorry, mo...*pant*...mommy,” Daxelia panted out an apology.

Doctor: (Dax) I have these sudden thirsts for blood.

This was in fact a common occurrence. Whenever Daxelia was startled or just had a build up of energy, she causes an explosion of magical energy. Her parents had gotten used to it.

Doctor: Even if it caused hundreds in damages.

Ditzy: And lawsuits!

“It's okay, honey,” Shine said as she helped the filly back up, “Let's get back home and get cleaned up. It's about time that we should be getting back anyway.”

Ditzy: (Shine) Mommy will not miss the handbag sale they are having on QVC!

“Okay, mommy,” Daxelia said as she wobbled on her hooves. Daxelia's 'bursts' take allot of energy out of her.

Ditzy: But with Blue Stallion Energy Drink she got it back in a matter of moments! Blue Stallion, it makes you as mighty as a horse!

But she managed to regain her balance. Then they headed back to their home in the western district of Fillydelphia.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

The western district of Fillydelphia was a rather run down area. It was not a suitable district to be raising a filly.

Ditzy: It somehow got the charming name of Tartarus’s Kitchen.

But Shine and Trance didn't have much of a choice.

Doctor: This was one of the nicer parts of the city.

It was all they could afford with their salary. Shine worked as a weather pony. But her family were known to be accident prone.

Doctor: They were related to…

Ditzy: Doctor, don’t you dare finish that sentence.

Shine was nowhere near as accident prone as her cousin, Derpy Hooves.

Doctor: (Startled) I was just kidding about that.

Ditzy: Gah! Really?! And that’s notmy name!

But because she was accident prone, Shine was only given small jobs that paid very little.

Ditzy: Couldn’t she just get job running phones or something?

Trance however had a decent paying job as a hypnotherapist. However, if they were to move, Trance would have to find a new job somewhere else. It was bad enough that his daughter barely got to see him.

Doctor: But it got him away from his abrasive nagging wife so it wasn’t all bad.

When he left for work, Daxelia was usually still asleep. And when he got home, it was late, usually after Daxelia's bed time.

Ditzy: The bar took up a lot of his time.

And he had to work seven days a week.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrows) As a hypnotherapist?

However, today was different. Today, he had left for work like usual...at least that's what Shine and Daxelia thought.

Ditzy: He was actually going to see his second family.

He knew that they were planning to go to the park today for Daxelia's birthday.

Ditzy: (Dax) What a jip! I wanted to go to the circus!

Trance had taken the day off today. His boss, Orion, was strict and worked his employees hard. But he was kind hearted and understood that it bothered Trance that he barely got to spend time with his daughter.

Ditzy: If he was kind hearted, maybe he would pay him better and give him more reasonable hours.

Doctor: (Orion) You think I would let you have it easy just because you have a wife and foal? Bah.

So when Trance asked to take the day off, Orion gave him the entire week off. It was an unpaid vacation.

Doctor: Remember, kind hearted.

Ditzy: He doesn’t get vacation time? I think his boss is breaking some serious labor laws.

But it was a small price to pay to spend time with his daughter.

Doctor: Even if it meant feeding his family out a dumpster for a month

Trance had heard of a great bakery in a small village known as Ponyville. He had ordered a birthday cake for Daxelia's birthday.

Ditzy: Um, won’t it be cheaper and easier to get a cake from one the fine bakeries in Fillydelphia?

And Shine's cousin was willing to meet him halfway to deliver the cake to him.

Ditzy: Leave me out of this!

So he only had to spend half a day away from home. So when Shine came home from the park with Daxelia, they would be surprised to see him there waiting for them.

Doctor: They thought he would spend most of the day at his special ‘juice’ bar.

He had even obtained several party supplies from a hyperactive pony that had recently started working at the bakery.

Ditzy: And bought a bundle of tasty apples from a young orange filly working a produce stand, while getting a new dress for his wife at a new dress shop from a white unicorn, while getting some medicine for his sick cat from a shy yellow filly, while getting some nice clouding busting tips from the newest recruit on the weather team, while buying some delicious candy from a cream colored filly, while meeting an obnoxious blue unicorn trying...

Doctor: Okay, I think we get it.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Daxelia and Shine were almost home when they ran into one of Trance's old patients. He was a blue earth pony with a white mane. He had a whistle cutie mark. He was simply known as Coach. Trance had treated Coach when he hit his head and got amnesia.

Doctor: Ugh, can’t that cliche die already!

Trance's hypnotherapy helped him to recover his memory.

Doctor: It turns out he was a professional hitman.

“Coach, what are you doing here?” Shine asked.

“Nothing much. Just going for a walk,” Coach replied with a grin, “I'm just waiting until I have to pick up my son later.”

Doctor: (Shine) The one from marriage you had with that one mare during your amnesia?The one that turned out to be your long lost sister that was actually adopted?

“Pick up your son?” Shine asked curiously, “From where?”

“He...uh...went to a party,” Coach said nervously for some reason.

Doctor: (Coach) We’re not setting up a surprise party!

Coach's son was a friend of Daxelia's, and he usually sees her on her birthday. But she hasn't seen him all day today. And this apparently explains why. But Dax still felt disappointed that she hasn't seen him on her birthday.

“Well...do you know when he'll be back?” Daxelia asked. Shine and Coach heard the disappointment in Daxelia's voice, and it hurt them. She really wanted to see her friend.

Ditzy: Dax decided she never wanted to see his stupid face again!

“Don't worry. I'm sure you'll see him soon,” Coach said, trying to reassure the silver filly.

Ditzy: (Coach) You’ll see him after I pick him up at the dentist’s office.

Doctor: (Dax) I thought you said he wasat a party.

Ditzy: (Coach) That’s what I totally meant to say! You’re completely right! Phew, that was close.

Doctor: (Dax) What was close?

DItzy: (Coach) Nothing!

“Well, it was good seeing you. But we've got to get home and wash up,” Shine said, “And make sure to tell your son to come and see Daxelia as soon as he can.

Doctor: (Dax) Is there something in your eye? You keep winking.

“Yeah...I'll do that,” Coach replied. Then Shine and Daxelia headed back home.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

“Alright, is everything ready?” Trance asked as he finished up setting up decorations. Then he looked over to the table where a young earth pony, who was not much older than Daxelia, was setting the table, “High Vault, Is the cake all set?”

“All set, mister Trance!” exclaimed a young light brown earth pony

Doctor: (Colt) Half of it is still left!

with a pole vault cutie mark.

Ditzy: (Startled) At 5 or 6?

Doctor: They grow up so fast.

It was impressive that a pony as young as he was has managed to get his cutie mark so early in his life.

Doctor: (Sweetie Belle) Oh come on!

Ditzy: (Apple Bloom) Tis is jus plain ridiculous!

His cutie mark, like his name, tells what his talent is...jumping really high. Or in this case, jumping over pole vaults.

Doctor: How in the world did he figure that out at that age?

Ditzy: What? You never pole vaulted in preschool?

“Nice work. And just call me Trance. No 'mister',” Trance replied. Then he turned his attention to the main room, “What's the progress on the games?”

“All the games are set up!” a white pegasus filly, who was part of a group of foals, said.

Ditzy: She won’t get a name because she is a completely inconsequential character of no importance whatsoever.

“Alright,” Trance said before turning to the hallway, “And are the presents all hidden?”

Doctor: (Trance) And remember, she doesn’t get the present if she never finds it.

“That depends. Do you count yourself as one of the presents?” a green earth pony with a brown mane and tail said. He was an adult pony who had a cutie mark that was a blotch of browns and greens.

Ditzy: (High Vault) Uh, do I have to wrapped in wrapping paper?

“You know what I mean, Camo. The presents that Daxelia's going to unwrap,” Trance said. Trance and Camo are foalhood friends. And Daxelia loved it when Camo came to visit. And Camo loved to visit Daxelia as well.

Doctor: Her mother’s cooking was at least edible.

“I know, I know. But you should know that I'm the master of hiding. Everything's all hidden,” Camo replied.

Ditzy: (Camo) This year I’m positive she won’t get any presents.

Trance's attention was taken by a sound coming from a walkie talkie, “Trance, come in...over,” said the voice on the walkie talkie.

Doctor: (Trance) No, no, no! I’m Cod Basset Hound! Get it right! What if somepony interprets this signal!? Over.

“I'm here. What's the news?...Over,” Trance asked.

“Shine and Daxelia are on there way home. Is everything ready?...Over,” the pony on the other end said.

Ditzy: (Trance) It’s too early! Everything is ruined! Quick, burn all the evidence!

“Affirmative. Everything's all set...over,” Trance said.

“Alright. I'll see you later then. Over and out,” the pony said.

'Shine and Daxelia are coming home a little early, aren't they?' Trance thought to himself.

Doctor: What, no wacky distractions to help buy you more time?

Then he turned to everypony there, “Alright everypony. They're on their way here. Everyone get ready.” As everypony were getting into position, Trance turned off the lights and hid himself.

Ditzy: Behind a nearby coat rack.

“I can't wait to see the look on Daxie's face when she see's us,” Camo whispered to Trance.

Doctor: I’m predicting this won’t turn out well.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Daxelia was prancing around her mother as they walked home. Her energy had returned to her after her magical blast that she caused.

Doctor: Being 5 and everything.

She was still disappointed that she hadn't seen her friend yet, but she decided not to let it get to her.

Ditzy: She wasn’t angry or bitter that he went to somepony else’s party during her birthday. Nope, not at all.

“What are we gonna do when we get home?” Daxelia asked excitedly.

Doctor: (Shine) I was thinking bed.

“Well, I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a bath,” Shine said with a smile.

Doctor: (Dax) You monster.

“A bath? But I hate baths,” Daxelia whined. Daxelia loved the feeling of being clean. But she hated the process of getting clean. Her parents weren't sure if it was because she just hated baths, or if it was because she hated water. The 'hating water' theory was plausible since she never wants to go to the public pool to go swimming, no matter how hot it is.

Doctor: Trance was going on writing a thesis paper on it and had several experiments planned to test his hypothesis.

“Well like it or not, you're getting a bath,”

Ditzy: It was like getting a cat to take a bath.

Shine said as they headed up the path that lead to their front door. Shine opened the door and they walked in…

“SURPRISE!!!”

The sudden shock of the surprise caused Daxelia to cause another explosion, charring everypony and everything within a ten foot radius.

Ditzy: Dax used Self Destruct!

Doctor: Ah, maybe it wasa bad idea to give a surprise party to the one known to explode when startled.

*Flop*

Ditzy: Dax fainted!

Daxelia used up her energy again and fell to the floor, panting from the energy consumption.

“That's my girl, heheheh,” Trance laughed,

Doctor: (Trance) Look at all that carnage! Good work!

“Happy birthday, Daxelia.” Trance then used his magic to lift the little filly up and set her on his back. Once she was able, Daxelia gave her father a big hug...well, at least she tried. With her energy drained, a big hug wasn't really more than just laying on her father's back.

Doctor: And slipped off repeatedly..

“Da...Daddy!” Daxelia said in between breaths.

Ditzy: (Dax) Why aren’t you ever home you bum!

“I think you blew the candles out a little early, Daxie,” High Vault said.

Ditzy: (High Vault) That means no wish this year. Tough luck.

“HIGH VAULT!!!” Daxelia shouted as she jumped off of her father's back and ran over to her friend, stumbling a bit since she was still drained of energy,

Doctor: Dax was much more interested in seeing High Vault than her own father and promptly forgot he was even there.

“But your dad said that you were at a party.”

“Did I lie?” Coach said as he came walking through the door, “This is a party after all.”

“And you didn't think I'd miss seeing you on your birthday, do you?” High Vault stated with a smug grin plastered on his face.

Ditzy: Dax didn’t appreciate that the entire room was laughing at her.

“Oh, that reminds me. I promised Daxelia that I'd tell you that she wanted to see you,” Coach said with a comical tone.

Doctor: No one was laughing. And he shut up after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“Well, I re-lit the candles,” Trance said, “Is everypony ready for cake?!”

Ditzy: (Trance) What I was able to get off the walls at least.

“CAKE!!!” Daxelia exclaimed.

“Then make a wish and blow out the candles...again,” Trance said.

Ditzy: Does it count?

“I doubt that she could wish for anything better than for her father to be here for her birthday,” Shine said,

Doctor: (Dax) What!? Don’t be silly! I want a PS3!

“After all, you know how little she sees of you.

Doctor: (Shine bitterly) Or me.

Anyway, it's time for you to blow out the candles, Daxel...Daxelia?” Shine noticed that Daxelia was just staring blankly at the cake. It was like she was in some sort of hypnotic spell.

Ditzy: It’s nothing. She just really likes to look at cake.

High Vault walked up to Daxelia to see if she was okay, “Hey Daxie, are you alright?” he asked.

Doctor: (Dax monotone) What is it father?

The sound of his voice seemed to snap her out of her trance. Her eyes snapped open and she shook her head out of confusion. Then she looked around in confusion, “Wha...What?” she asked in confusion, “What just happened? Where am I?”

Ditzy: (Dax) Who are you?! You aren’t mommy and daddy! Somepony help!

“Daxelia, honey, you're home,” Shine answered, “At your birthday party. Remember?”

“What just happened, honey?” Trance asked.

“I...I don't know,” Daxelia said, still with a confused look,

Doctor: (Dax) Some weird voice told me to burn everything to the ground.

“I-I guess I just zoned out.” Daxelia's mood completely changed from her confused state back to her party frame of mind, as if her trance never even happened. Daxelia then blew out the candles.

“So Daxelia, what did you wish for?” Trance asked.

“If I told you, then it wouldn't come true,” Daxelia said.

All: Duh!

The truth was, she would've wished to see her father on her birthday, but that came true even before she wished for it. So instead, she wished fo-mmmm....

Doctor: Dax chloroformed the author for almost revealing her wish.

(Pinkie: No, don't tell them what Daxeela wished for! Otherwise it won't come true!

All: Wah?

Author: But that's only if Daxelia herself is the one who gives it away. And besides, I'm the narrator! Technically, nopony in the story is actually saying it!

Doctor: Is this actually happening?

Ditzy: I… guess so.

Pinkie: How do you know that won't make a difference? If you tell everypony what Daxeela wished for and it doesn't come true, then she'll hate you... FOREVER!

Doctor: (Author sobbing) I’m sorry! I didn’t know!

Author: But I'm not just the Narrator, I'm also the Author. So I... Wait... HOW THE HECK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO ME?!!

Doctor: (Pinkie) Well duh, you expect to mention me in the story without me show up!? That would be just silly!

Pinkie: That doesn't matter. All that matters is that you remember... FOREVER!

Author: Ugh, fine. And her name is 'Daxelia', not 'Daxeela'.)

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Maybe you should have given her a normal name that is easy to remember!

The rest of the day was spent eating cake, playing games, opening presents, and generally just having fun.

Doctor: But no actual fun was had.

But unfortunately, the day had to end eventually and everypony had to go home.

Ditzy: (Dax) Thank Celestia! No more of Coach’s terrible jokes!

“Dad, if it's alright with them, is it alright if I sleep over?” High Vault asked. The young colt didn't exactly know why he wanted to stay so badly.

Doctor: She had terrible toys and no video gaming systems.

But he was too young to understand the feelings he was having.

Ditzy: Aww…. How cute!

Doctor: At least it isn’t a canon character this time.

“Well, if it's alright with Daxelia's parents,” Coach said as he looked toward her parents to see what their answer was.

Trance looked down at his daughter to see her big puppy dog eyes.

Ditzy: (Trance) No! Too..powerful! Too..cute!

Then he turned to his wife who nodded approvingly, “Well, since it is Daxelia's birthday...I suppose it'll be alright,”

Doctor: (Trance) Any other day however, your little brat can go right to Tartarus!

Trance said, acting as if he was only being nice this once.

Doctor: He loved being passive aggressive with his daughter.

He would've said yes in a heartbeat though. He knew how close Daxelia and High Vault were.

Ditzy: But he liked yanging her chain for fun. He wasn’t a very good father.

“Alright then. You can sleep over,” Coach said as he headed to the door, “I'll see you tomorrow then. And again, happy birthday Daxelia.” With that said, Coach headed out the door.

Ditzy: Wait! What about High Vault’s toothbrush and favorite blanket?

“YAY!!!” the two foals cheered as they hugged each other happily.

“Do you think they realize that they're more than friends?” Shine asked her husband.

Ditzy: (Shine angry) I’ve seen the way your son stares at her flank.

“I doubt it. They're too young to really know what they're feeling,” Trance replied,

Ditzy: (Trance) But when puberty kicks in they will be on each other like rabbits!

“But I do think that High Vault will make a good father for our grandfoals.”

Doctor: ...He’s five.

“Aren't you thinking a little too far ahead?” Shine replied, “I think it's a little to early to be thinking of ourselves as grandparents.”

All: Ya think!

“Don't tell me you don't see it happening,” Trance said, pointing at the two young ponies happily trotting about, “You don't have to be a psychic to see that they're going to end up together.”

Doctor: That isn’t how that works!

Ditzy: I didn’t get together with my foalhood crush and we were thick as thieves!

Shine looked at the two and smiled, “I see you're point,” she replied, “But I'd rather you not be talking about grandfoals...not yet anyway.

Doctor: (Shine) Dax might get ideas.

It makes me feel old. And I'm too young to feel old.”

“Deal,” Trance said, “But does it make you feel better knowing that princess Celestia is over a thousand years old?”

Doctor: (Shine) I’m suppose to take comfort in the fact she will remain eternally beautiful and young while I grow into a decrepit old hag?!

“Not really,” Shine said, “Princess Celestia may be allot older than me. But she still looks like she's younger than me. And that just makes me feel like I look old.”

Doctor: (Trance) You can see the wrinkles already. Ouch! What did I say?

“After they have their fun, I want to talk to Daxelia for a little while,” Trance said, becoming serious as he changed the subject, “Something bothers me about her little... daze that she had earlier.”

Ditzy: (Trance) She was muttering something in strange language under her breath.

“Are you sure you're not just being over protective?” Shine said, knowing that Trance was serious.

Doctor: Showing concern over a strange episode is being overprotective?

“I may not get to see my little filly as often as I'd like,” Trance said, “But I at least know her well enough to know that that's never happened before.”

“I guess you're right,” Shine admitted.

Ditzy: So they are worried about a strange trance but don’t care about the random, maybe dangerous magical surges she keeps getting?

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

“Alright, Daxelia. Just relax and let your mind drift,” Trance said in a soothing voice. He didn't want to use hypnosis on his daughter yet,

Ditzy: Shouldn’t she see a realdoctor?

Doctor: I’m guess he can’t due to his job not only paying terribly, but not having health coverage as well.

Ditzy: Ah.

since she admitted that she did remember what happened during her zoning out. She said it was like trying to remember a dream though, so Trance was helping to put her into a type of trance that would relax the mind like in sleep, helping Daxelia to remember what she saw, “Now go back into that vision. What is the first thing you see?”

Ditzy: (Dax) Mommy kissing daddy’s boss behind a door.

High Vault was there watching with amazement...and a hint of fear.

Ditzy: He might turn her into a werepony!

“I see...three ponies,” Daxelia said, “One of them is a child.”

“Focus on them. Can you see who they are? Do you recognize them?” Trance asked.

“They...They're us. Me, you, and mom,” Daxelia said, “We're walking down a street.”

Ditzy: How can it be them? Trance never spends anytime with his family.

“Do you know what street?” Trance asked, “Are there any street signs, houses you recognize, any landmarks that might indicate where you are?”

Doctor: (Dax) It’s called Park Row.

“No. It's all in fog,” Daxelia said.

Ditzy: (Dax) It’s in some place called Silent Hill.

“Alright, let's continue,” Trance said, “What's happening? What are we doing?”

Ditzy: (Dax) A song and dance number!

“We're walking. I don't know where to,” Daxelia said before Trance could ask, “Wait...there's somepony else there.”

“Who is it?” Trance asked.

“I don't know. I can't see him,” Daxelia said, seeming to become agitated, “All I see is darkness.”

“If he's in the darkness, then how do you know he's a pony?” Trance asked, "How do you know there's even anypony there?"

Doctor: (Dax) Well gee, maybe it’s the pony-like shaping I’m seeing.

“I don't know. I just know,” Daxelia said as she was beginning to panic, “He's coming closer.”

“What's he doing?”

“I don't know! I don't like him! Get him away from me!”

“What's he doing?!”

Ditzy: He’s acting like he’s trapped in an invisible box! Get him away!

“No! Please! Get away!”

“Daxelia, what's-”

“TRANCE!” Trance was snapped back to reality when Shine shouted. It was now that he realized how much his daughter was panicking.

Doctor: Apparently, the yelling and screaming wasn’t enough.

Her panic was severe enough that it may cause damage if it's not stopped soon,

Doctor: (Trance) Duh, maybe I should do something.

“Okay, Daxelia. Allow the visions that you are seeing to slowly fade away into nothingness.”

Doctor: (Trance) Just pretend that never happened and don’t tell your mother.

Daxelia was beginning to calm down slowly. After a few minutes of calming down, Daxelia opened her eyes as if nothing happened.

Doctor: (Dax) I didn’t do anything weird did I?

Trance had put her into a deep enough trance that she wouldn't remember what happened. Or at least, it would be like trying to remember a dream.

Ditzy: (Trance) Phew, almost traumatized my daughter for life there.

“Are you okay, honey?” Trance asked Daxelia.

“Yeah, I think so,” Daxelia replied, feeling a little dizzy.

Trance walked back over to Shine as Daxelia and High Vault went upstairs to play, “I didn't mean to go overboard with my session,” Trance said, “It's just that I've never had so much difficulty getting information from somepony.”

Doctor: (Shine) Don’t you ever do that to my foal again!

“Well perhaps this was just the work of an overactive imagination,” Shine replied,

Ditzy: (Facepalm) Or she doesn’t seem all that concerned by what happened.

“After all, she's only five years old. And young fillies and colts tend to have an overactive imaginations to the point where they can believe their imagination was true.”

Doctor: Of course, completely deny the possibility that something could be wrong.

Ditzy: That was not normal! How are you not at least a little freaked out by that?

“Well...perhaps,” Trance sighed, “But even if it was just her imagination, It bothers me that she could come up with something that terrifying.

Ditzy: (Trance) Maybe the fact that we let her watch R rated horror movies late every night has something to do with it.

And the fact that she just blanked out when it happened just makes it that much for disturbing.”

Doctor: (Shine) It looks like Dax isn’t the only one with an overactive imagination. Don’t be so dramatic.

“Well foals her age also still believe in Nightmare Moon,” Shine said.

All: Pfft.

Ditzy: Like she could ever exist.

“Nightmare Moon is just a fairy tail. It's silly to believe in a fairy tail like that,” Trance said,

Ditzy: Flutter ponies, goblins, sea ponies, humans, vampires, totally not real.

“But...considering that I still believe in Nightmare Moon when I was her age, I guess I can assume you're right.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh come on! Am I the only one that realizes the threat of Nightmare Moon!

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Upstairs in Daxelia's room, they were playing a game where they pretended that the floor was molten lava, and they had to keep from touching it at all costs. After they got tired with that game,

Ditzy: After ten seconds.

they just decided to relax on the bed. It was slightly awkward because neither of them had anything to say.

Doctor: (High Vault) Uh, I ate mud yesterday!

But they didn't mind that much. They just enjoyed each other's company.

“So, Daxie, what do you want to do now?” High Vault asked as he was just laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Ditzy: (Dax) Hey, I think I can see a bunny in the wood.

“I don't know. What do you want to do?” Daxelia asked.

“I don't know. What do you want to do?” High Vault asked again.

Seeing where this was going to head, Daxelia decided to stop the endless loop before it even started,

Ditzy: Though that might create a more interesting story.

“You wanna go down to see if we can have some more cake?” Daxelia asked excitedly.

“I like you the best when you're thinking with your stomach,” High Vault said as he hopped down off the bed.

Doctor: (Dax) Is that all I’m good for?!

The two little ponies then headed back downstairs to ask Daxelia's mom if they could have some more cake. But when they got downstairs, they couldn't find Daxelia's parents anywhere. All they found was a note that read…

Doctor: (Letter) That’s it! We give up! You’re on your own! Love Mom and Dad.

We're sorry we didn't invite you to come with us on our walk tonight. We assumed that you wanted to spend some time with

High Vault. We hope this doesn't upset you.

Ditzy: (Letter) If not, we’ll bribe you with more cake.

The two of you are welcome to have some more cake. But don't eat the entire thing. And that means you, High Vault.

Ditzy: ...They’re five years old! What the heck are you thinking leaving them alone like that!

Doctor: I’m starting to think they aren’t very good parents.

Daxelia turned around to see High Vault holding the cake and was about to eat it all in one bite. But when he noticed Daxelia staring at him, he put it down and smiled sheepishly.

Ditzy: (High Vault) I was … uh… just seeing if it was still fresh!

“Well, my parents are on one of their walks.

Ditzy: I think we all can interpret what thatreally means.

Doctor: And we are going to leave it at just that.

So we can have some more cake,” Daxelia said, “Just remember that it's not your cake to inhale.” Daxelia then cut them a couple of slices of cake.

Doctor: (Trance) Do you think it was a bad idea to leave that very sharp knife in hoof’s reach? Nah, it’s probably fine.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

“Are you sure we should've left her home on her own?” Shine asked.

Doctor: (Shine) And left the door unlocked in the shadier part of town.

“She's not on her own, she's with High Vault,” Trance replied,

Ditzy: (Facepalm)

“And besides, I've seen how protective High Vault can be of Daxelia.

Doctor: Clearly he could fight off any dangerous intruder on his own.

If she get's so much as a paper cut, he'll treat her as if she had a broken hoof. Trust me. She's in good hooves.”

All: Clearly.

As the couple walked down the street, they came across somepony they thought they'd never see in West Fillydelphia.

Ditzy: A trashpony.

Doctor: (Shine) What a high class member of society like that doing here?

“Oh my...is that...” Shine asked, unable to finish her sentences.

“It couldn't be,” Trance said in denial, “Somepony like her would never come to a place as run down as West Fillydelphia...would she?”

Ditzy: (Shine) OhmyCelestia! It’s Sapphire Shores!

“Ah, I see I've been discovered,” the large white alicorn said.

Doctor: (Celestia) Now, where can I hide the bodies?

“PRINCESS CELESTIA?!” both Trance and Shine said in unison before they bowed to the sun princess.

“It is alright. You may rise,” Celestia said with a warm smile.

Doctor: (Celestia) Just smile and nod. They will go away soon enough.

“P-P-Princess, w-what are y-you d-d-doing h-h-here?” Trance stuttered.

Doctor: (Celestia) I have a particular weakness to the carrot dogs they sell in this area.

“My sister and I used to come here allot when we were fillies,” Celestia explained, “Of course this place looked allot better over 1000 years ago.

Doctor: When it was a mostly empty field and a few shacks.

One of our good friends used to live here when he was a little colt. That is before our father took him in.”

Trance saw the look in the princess's eyes. He was taking a risk talking like this to the sun princess, “Was this your foalhood coltfriend?” he asked.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Heavens no! He was a little brother to me! That would be just weird.

“TRANCE?!” Shine exclaimed at her husband's comment.

Ditzy: (Shine) You know she’s the Virgin Princess!

Doctor: (Celestia) (Sighs) Do ponies really believe that?

“No no, it's alright,” Celestia said, “I supposed you could say I had a slight attraction to him. But my sister had a bigger crush on him than I did.

Ditzy: (Celestia) The restraining order was invented due to Luna’s attempts to court him.

And I knew it. I also knew that he returned her feelings.

Ditzy: (Celestia) The wall in the castle were very thin...

And since being the older sister got me more attention, I thought that it was only fair that she had him instead of me.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) Besides, he was a terrible slob, told boring stories, and disliked bathing. I am not even sure why I liked him in the first place.

“So you come here for sentimental value?” Shine asked.

“I supposed you could say that,” Celestia said, “But I also come to pay my respects to him.

Doctor: (Celestia) I owe a lot to Winter Meadow...or was it Winter Spring? Anyway, he was good friend to me and my sister.

It was 1,142 years ago today that he saved my sister's life...at the cost of his own.”

Doctor: (Celestia) He used his own body to protect her...not realizing she could put up a shield to protect herself.

“Oh, I'm so sorry,” Shine said sympathetically.

Ditzy: (Celestia) It was over 1000 years ago. I barely even remember him.

“It's alright,” Celestia said, dismissing Shine's concern, “It's actually good to talk to somepony about it. I come during the night time because I usually won't have to worry about ponies coming and crowding around me.

Ditzy: (Celestia) By the herd, if I have to kiss and bless one more foal....

But it's good to be able to see somepony, as long as it's not overwhelming. I also come at night because that's when the accident happened.”

“Oh, well, how long will you be here for?” Trance asked, “Because maybe we could bring our daughter to come to see you as well. She just turned five today and it would be a great birthday present for her to meet you.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Excellent idea! I will go fetch my clown outfit!

“I usually stay for a couple of days. Though during the days, I would have to disguise myself so that I won't be noticed by the public,” Celestia said,

Doctor: (Celestia) I have come up with a most clever disguise! By wearing these thick glasses, slouching, altering my voice, and changing my mannerisms nopony will be able tell it is me!

“Perhaps tomorrow night I could come by and visit.”

Doctor: (Celestia) No pony would think no look for me here. Another noblepony’s boring ball avoided.

“That would be wonderful!” Shine exclaimed. They then gave the sun princess their address.

“Good night, princess Celestia,” Trance said as they parted ways.

“Good night,” Shine said, following her husband's lead.

“Good night to you both,” Celestia said. Then they parted ways.

Doctor: Did they? How surprising.

Not long after Celestia and the couple had parted ways, Celestia had gotten to the playground where she used to play with her sister and their friend.

Ditzy: It was now a yogurt shop.

That's when she passed by a pony wearing a hooded cloak. Celestia had a bad feeling about this pony and thought she should've stopped him. But she often got a little paranoid on this night, so she decided to ignore him as he walked in the direction that she had come from.

Doctor: And that screaming was probably her imagination.

Celestia did find it odd however that he completely ignored her. It was like he didn't realize the sun princess was standing right there. Either that or he didn't care. Every fiber in her being was telling Celestia to stop that pony.

Ditzy: He just jaywalked.

But she refused to let paranoia get the best of her.

Doctor: The pony was just radiating evil, but it probably nothing.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

“High Vault, how long does it take my parents to go for walks?” Daxelia asked, a twinge of worry in her voice.

Doctor: (High Vault) I don’t know. They’re your parents!

“About fifteen minutes,” High Vault answered.

“And how long ago did we find that letter that they left us?”

“About an hour ago,” High Vault replied cluelessly, “Is something bothering you Daxie?”

“Have my parents come home yet?!” Daxelia asked, worry now evident in her voice. The look on High Vault's face showed that he realized what Daxelia was trying to tell him. She was worried that something had happened to them.

Ditzy: (Dax) Mom usually watches The Youthful and the Antsy right now.

“I'm sure you parent's are fine,” High Vault said, trying to reassure Daxelia, “Maybe they just got held up with something. Maybe they went to the store for something. I'm sure everything is...

Doctor: (High Vault) They probably weren’t robbed and killed on their way home.

“EVERYTHING'S NOT FINE!!!” Daxelia suddenly snapped. Her outburst had surprised even herself.

Ditzy: I’m starting the question if leaving 2 five year olds home alone was a good idea.

High Vault then nuzzled Daxelia to help calm her down. It was partly to comfort her, and partly because he noticed her horn was starting to glow. And when her horn starts to glow, she's about to blow.

Ditzy: (High Vault) Say Dax, have you heard the one about the filly that had her parent brutally murdered? Er, no, I mean..

But even though High Vault had managed to calm her down, her worry for her parents did not subside, “May...Maybe you're right,” Daxelia said, trying to reassure herself. But it wasn't working so well.

Doctor: (Dax) What if they were kidnapped by aliens?! Or some bad guy kidnapped mommy and tied herto railroads tracks?! Or….

Ditzy: (High Vault) Now you are just being silly.

But as she attempted to calm down. The front door suddenly burst open and in the doorway stood a large menacing pony that gave off an aura of darkness. He was all black, save for his dark red eyes.

Ditzy: King Sombra?

And the dark energy that he seemed to radiate hid his details enough that he couldn't be identified.

Doctor: He wanted to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex of his.

The only identifiable features were his dark red eyes that seemed to glow, a long black sharp horn that radiated an unnatural black magical aura, and his large menacing wings that had a demonic appearance

Ditzy: I can see why he would want to hide his features. There is no way I could identify him in a police lineup.

to them.

Ditzy: Hmmm. This guy seems a bit suspicious.

Doctor: (Snorts) Overdo it on the black much.

Ditzy: How else can he show everypony that’s he’s evil?

“HELP!!! IT'S NIGHTMARE MOON!!!” High Vault screamed as he ran off in terror. The dark pony rolled his eyes while Daxelia facehoofed.

Doctor: (Dax) Way to stand guard and protect a lady.

Anypony who knew about the legend of Nightmare Moon knew that Nightmare Moon was a mare, not a stallion.

Doctor: Or maybe you could accept the fact that Luna likes to think herself has a stallion now.

The last thing Daxelia remembered was his horn starting to glow. Then there was a flash of dark energy. Just before she blacked out, she thought she heard a voice saying “Your parents have been murdered.”

Doctor: Dead parents, what a surprise.

Ditzy: It looks like Dax has to become a superhero now.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Celestia decided to head back to find the address that the couple had given her. That way she wouldn't have any trouble finding it the next night.

Ditzy: The Princess had a terrible sense of direction.

On her way back however, she found the couple she had met...laying lifelessly in a puddle of blood. Celestia used her magic to check for a heartbeat...there was none.

But what bothered Celestia the most was the cloak that was laying next to the couple.

Doctor: It was so tacky!

It was the same cloak as the one that the mysterious pony she crossed paths with earlier was wearing.

Ditzy: It was a chilly night and Princess Celestia felt sorry for him going out with any protection. Oh, and she suspected he might be a murderer.

Celestia was unable to think clearly as she realized that she had let that mysterious pony murder this kind and innocent couple.

Ditzy: Or he lost his cloak and it coincidentally ended up on the crime scene.

And this also meant that their daughter that they spoke of earlier was now an orphan...Celestia had just made an innocent little filly an orphan.

Ditzy: Not really.

Doctor: Come on, really?

Celestia then did her best to regain her composure and use a tracking spell on the cloak so that she can find the owner.

Doctor: Lost and founds are so ineffective.

However, it seemed that the tracking spell wasn't working. It was almost as if the owner of the cloak was not of this world.

Ditzy: Have the Cutie Mark Crusader been playing around with the Necroponicon again?

Either that, or the owner was so powerful that they could avoid detection of a tracking spell.

Doctor: You know cloaking spells exist right?

Celestia then looked at the address…

Ditzy: (Celestia) Wait, this is my address!

1142 Guardian Angel road.

“Guardian Angel road? That's the road that was named in respect to him,” Celestia realized, “And 1142? That's the same as how many years ago he died...and how many years ago the road was named!”

Ditzy: Huh….That’s...wierd.

X ~ 1,142 years ago ~ X

“We are here to respect the memory of the pony who had saved Luna's life,” The mayor of Fillydelphia announced, “Luna's father, Lord Galactus,

Ditzy: Galactus? That world eating cloud thing?

had ordered that we honor the memory of Luna's savior. And we shale do so by giving the road the name 'Guardian Angel Road', since the best way to honor his memory is to give him the title of Luna's guardian angel.”

Doctor: Celestia shot down Luna’s idea for 10 foot gold statue covered in diamonds and rubies.

Luna had her muzzle buried in Celestia's shoulder as the memory of what happened still hurt.

Ditzy: (Luna) The jerk still owes us 50 bits!

“Everything will be okay,” Celestia said as she tried her best to comfort her little sister.

“I just miss him so much,” Luna whimpered.

Doctor: (Luna) Necromancy! That’s it! I think we have a book of it somewhere in the castle library.

X ~ End Flashback ~ X

Ditzy: Wait, what? That’s it? You didn’t explain anything! That had nothing to do with the murder at all!

Doctor: I don’t think it told us anything really. Like why we should care about Guardian Angel at all.

Ditzy: Um, what did Guardian Angel do again to save Luna’s life?

Celestia then used her magic to send a message to the hospital and to law enforcement, making sure they knew where to find the bodies.

Ditzy: And they were really stinking up the place.

Once someone arrived to take care of the situation, she headed off to the address she was given to find the now orphaned filly.

Doctor: (Celestia) Now, how do I break the news. Sorry filly you’re parents are dead. Tough luck. No, no, too direct. Hey, guess who’s a lifeless corpse now! Argh, no. Your parents when on a long vacation in a distant place and told me to take care of you for awhile. Yeah! That will work just fine.

However, once she arrived and looked inside, she saw that there was nopony home. It was however recently used, seeing as there were traces of a party still around. And she even saw a banner saying 'Happy Birthday Daxelia'.

Ditzy: (Celestia) No steamers? The savages.

As she was about to use a tracking spell to try and find the orphaned filly, she noticed a note…

Doctor: (Celestia) What sort of heartless ponies would just leave 2 young foals alone like that!?

To whom it may concern,

I have taken the little silver filly to safety. I will make sure that she will not be harmed. I cannot let anypony know where I have taken her, or what I plan. But rest assured that she will be well taken care of.

All: Sounds legit.

Desperate to find the filly to make sure that she's safe, Celestia used a tracking spell to find her, hoping that it would lead her to the orphaned filly. But instead, another part of the message appeared…

Ditzy: (Note) You’re lack of faith hurts me...

If you are reading this, then that means you have used a tracking spell. I have anticipated that somepony may try using a tracking spell to find either me or the filly. So I have put a spell on everything in the house that will negate any tracking spell used. I can't risk anypony to find out where I have taken the filly. It is for her own safety.

Doctor: That’s all. Ha! I would just use something from Trance’s workplace. I am sure he has something of his daughter’s there.

Hmm. Or something from outside. You did say ‘inside the house’.

P.S. I would advise not to use a tracking spell on this note again.

Ditzy: (Note) I’m super serious this time!

Ignoring the warning, Celestia used another tracking spell, determined to find the orphaned filly. However, this time her magic recoiled and she was shocked by her own magic. Then another part of the message appeared…

I warned you.

Doctor: How scary.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

As Daxelia began to wake back up, she saw that it was morning. But her surroundings were unfamiliar. She was in a decent looking place, about the same quality as her house.

Doctor: Pizza boxes and burger wrappers littered the floor and it smelled of burnt cheese and mouth wash.

But the place seemed rather empty, as if nopony was actually living here.

When she looked out the window, she saw in the distance what she recognized as Silver Lake. This meant that she was all the way in the eastern district of Fillydelphia. How was she going to get back home?

Doctor: The bus didn’t run in this part of town.

The silver filly's thoughts were derailed when her stomach started growling.

All: (Imitates a crashing sound)

She left the room she was in and went downstairs to see if there was any food. If this house really was empty though, then the chances of her finding food were slim.

Doctor: She calculated the chance to be about .0000431911 percent.

When she went downstairs and into the kitchen, she saw a tray with several kinds of foods on it. It seemed that her luck was good...for now anyway.

Ditzy: Until she saw that the food was cooked broccoli and cursed her captor.

After Daxelia had eaten her fill, she checked the door to see if she could leave. However, the door was locked and she was too small to reach the lock. It was just out of reach.

Doctor: But a chair was nearby and she was able to get out easily.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

After a week of being a prisoner in that house, Daxelia had grown another inch. She had no idea where the food was coming from.

Ditzy: She suspected magic food fairies.

But one day she had found a large black feather on the floor next to the tray of food.

Daxelia had reached up to the lock. She was almost there…

*CLICK*

Daxelia had successfully unlocked the door.

Doctor: That easy?

Ditzy: This is a level of incompetence you usually don’t see.

She then filled a small bag that she made with a sheet and filled it with some of the food...along with the feather.

Ditzy: A magic cape might come in use.

Then she headed out the door to try to get back home. It was going to be a long trip, that was for certain. But she wanted to see High Vault again.

Doctor: He still had her building blocks.

She remembered hearing that voice saying that her parents were murdered...that was a rather blunt way to say it.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, she had no idea what that word even meant.

But if this was true, it meant that she was an orphan. Maybe High Vault's dad would take her in.

Doctor: She sounds so broken up about it.

Ditzy: It was probably for the best really.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

The combination of distance, not knowing where to go, and being as young as she was made her trip back home take over two months.

Ditzy: Why didn’t she go to the police? Didn’t her parents teach her anything? Ugh, her parents are so terrible.

Doctor: Two months? Fillydelphia isn’t that large.

She had managed to stretch out the food she had brought with her for three weeks.

Doctor: And of course no one noticed a little filly walking around on her own unsupervised.

But that was all she could do. However, every night after she had ran out of food, once she woke up, there would be a little more food. It seemed somepony was trying to help her. But who?

Ditzy: The magic food fairies come through!

But at least this meant that Daxelia got back home. The first thing she did was to go back to her home to

Ditzy: Check her Ponybook page.

see if her parents were still alive. However, when she looked in the window, there was another family inside, and the furniture was all different.

Doctor: We’ve secretly replaced her home and family with a different one. Let’s see if she can tell the difference!

The next thing she did was to go to High Vault's house to see if she could stay with him. When she knocked on the door, she was greeted by a mare that she didn't recognize, “Hello?” the mare asked.

Doctor: (Mare) Ah! Get away you filthy urchin! You will get nothing from me!

“Is...uh...is High Vault home?” Daxelia asked, afraid she was going to sound ridiculous.

“Hmm. Was his father's name Coach?” the mare asked. Daxelia nodded, “I'm sorry, but they moved out about a month ago.”

All: How convenient.

“Oh...well...thanks,” Daxelia said disappointed. She then walked away.

Doctor: Wait, aren’t you going to ask where they are now?

There was one final option for her.

Ditzy: (Hopeful) The police? A next door neighbor?

Doctor: No, that would actually make sense.

It was the fort that she and High Vault built at the park.

Ditzy: It’s downpayment and rent were pretty affordable given the area.

When she headed to the park to see if it was still there, she was glad to see that it was.

Doctor: It hasn’t been torn down for some contrived reason? Surprising.

At least this meant that she had shelter. It wasn't much of a shelter,

Ditzy: It didn’t even come with cable TV!

but it protected her from rain and was warmer than just laying outside. And the sheet she used as a bag she now could use as a blanket.

X ~ 10 month later ~ X

Daxelia's shelter was no longer a doable shelter.

Doctor: It was torn down to build a new Starbucks.

Ditzy: She’s been in the park for 10 months and nopony has noticed or helped her?

Doctor: The bystander effect at its worst.

There was a termite infestation about a month ago. Now the shelter was no more than a pile of rotting wood in a tree.

But that wasn't the worst of Daxelia's problems.

Doctor: She forgot to pay her phone bill on time.

Ever since her shelter was, for lack of a better term, destroyed, Daxelia had been feeling sick and was losing her appetite. She was barely eating enough to even keep her alive. But for the past few days, she had stopped eating all together.

Ditzy: Wait, where is her mysterious protector?

And the only shelter she had was a jungle gym at the playground.

Ditzy: (Growls) If something happens to this filly, I swear I will hunt you down author!

Doctor: She means it.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Celestia had once again returned to West Fillydelphia.

Ditzy: Did she issue a search party for the filly that went missing? Oh course not! Don’t be silly!

It was now the 1,143rd anniversary of when her friend had died...and the one year anniversary of when that kind couple were murdered. She now had two reasons to visit here.

Doctor: And they had excellent Japonese restaurant nearby.

As she passed the playground as she usually did, she notice what seemed like a lump of dirt under the jungle gym. At first, she didn't give it any thought. But then she thought she saw it moving. So she went to go check it out. Sure enough, it was a little filly. She

was covered in dirt and mud. And she was barely breathing.

Ditzy: (Celesia) Oh dear. I have no idea how to handle this situation. Too bad I don’t have a student to deal with it and solve all of my problems.

Celestia used an identification spell to see who her parents were.

Ditzy: You can do that?

Doctor: Magic! It can do anything the plot requires it to!

When she saw the images of her parents, she was surprised to see that it was the couple who were murdered. She was the filly that she had allowed made an orphan. Feeling a pang of guilt hit her, she felt responsible.

Doctor: By that logic, you should stab anyone you meet who is suspicious.

Ditzy: Yes you are responsible! Why didn’t you issue a search party!

When she nudged her head to wake her up, she felt that she had an extremely high fever and needed medical attention. She immediately took her to the Canterlot hospital, using a teleportation spell to get there.

Ditzy: Wow, she actually did something useful for once. I was starting to think she would leave Dax there considering how useless and ineffectual she has been so far.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

Daxelia remembered waking up feeling a bit disoriented. She felt weak and unable to get up. When she opened her eyes, she saw that she was in a white room. But her blurry vision combined with her disorientation made it so that was all she could recognize.

Her disoriented mind made her think of a strange thought, “A...Am I...dead?” She asked quietly, still feeling really tired.

Ditzy: (Dax) I was expecting more puppies in the afterlife.

“You're awake!” she heard a voice say. She then saw a blurry image of a large white pony with a pastel mane.

“Are you an angel?” Daxelia asked, noticing the wings.

Ditzy: After all, only angels have wings.

“No, I am not an angel. And you are very much alive!” the large pony said.

Doctor: Celestia pinched her to prove the point.

As her vision cleared, Daxelia was able to see who the large pony was. It was none other than the sun princess herself, “Princess Celstia!” Daxelia exclaimed weakly as she tried to get up.

Doctor: (Celestia) It’s Celestia actually.

But she was pushed back down by Celestia.

Ditzy: (Celestia) No bowing please! I get that enough as it is!

“Please, don't try to get up. You're still far to weak,” Celestia said, “I found you in West Fillydelphia under a jungle gym. You were covered in dirt, you were barely breathing, and you had a high fever. You are very lucky to even be alive.”

Doctor: (Dax) This is perfect! Your Princess Celestia! You can do anything! You can bring my parents back and make everything good again!

Ditzy: (Celestia) Well…..

“I wish I was dead,” Daxelia said, “Then I could see my parents again.”

Ditzy: ….(Sniffs)

“Were your parents Shine and Trance?” Celestia asked, receiving a nod from Daxelia, “I saw your parents that night...just before they...” Celestia didn't have the heart to finish her sentence.

Doctor: (Celestia) Moved out of town and told me to take care of you!

“...Before they were murdered?” Daxelia asked, finishing the sun princess's statement.

Doctor: (Dax) And you know who the killer is and already caught him right!? I’m sure you found and got him right away!

Ditzy: (Celestia) About that...

“They had asked me to come to see you the next day, as a birthday gift,” Celestia said, “But by then it was already too late.”

Doctor: (Celestia) But I’m here now, Happy Birthday! (Hums carnival music)

“When I blew out my candles, I wished that I would be able to meet you,” Daxelia said weakly, “Although, I didn't exactly mean like this. Me barely able to move, and you taking care of me...like mommy would.” Tears then began to form in her eyes at the thought of her parents.

Ditzy: Now her parent’s death affect her? Now?

“Well, I'm a year late, and it's not the best conditions. But, happy birthday,” Celestia said with a warm smile,

Doctor: (Dax bitter) Thanks a lot!

“May I ask your name?”

All: No.

“D...Dax...Daxeli...ia,” Daxelia replied, her exhaustion getting the best of her.

“Well Daxelia, I think you should get some sleep,” Celestia suggested.

Daxelia slowly drifted off to sleep. Her thoughts were that of how kind Celestia has been. She had even saved her life. She had managed to fall asleep with a smile.

Ditzy: Sure you suffered to 10 months due to her incompetence, but it all worked out in the end.

Doctor: You’re really not letting that go

Ditzy: Should I?

Doctor: No.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

For the next few days while Daxelia was in the hospital, Celestia was right there with her the whole time. She got some food in her system to help her get her energy back,

Doctor: Well, it had nutritional value at least.

and any injuries she had were minor enough that she was in good enough condition to be released from the hospital.

Celestia had offered for Daxelia to stay with her in Canterlot Castle. Daxelia had accepted that offer.

Ditzy: Because apparently she doesn’t have any family on either side.

She wished she could go back home...but she no longer had anything there to go back to.

Doctor: The author had to contrive some reason for Celestia to adopt her.

And Celestia was a kind princess.

Ditzy: Kinda dumb, but kind.

It then dawned on her...she was basically being adopted by a princess! When this realization dawned on her, she suddenly became giddy at the thought.

Doctor: Her dead parent? Whatever. She’s a princess now!

She knew that she wouldn't be a princess herself.

Ditzy: I don’t see why not.

Doctor: She knew the bureaucracy to become a princess would be nightmare so decided not to bother with it.

But that didn't matter to her. It was an exciting idea that very few ponies would even dream of it happening.

Ditzy: But the unsolved murder of her parent eventually filled her with discontentment and she used her newfound wealth to become a masked vigilante to find their murderer.

X~ ~ ~ ~ ~X

A dark figure was watching in the shadows as Celestia was walking into the castle with Daxelia, “Take good care of her...Celly.”

Doctor: (Figure) I can’t afford to raise a filly on my salary.

Author's Note:

Before anyone starts jumping to conclusions, the pony that took Daxelia is not the same pony who murdered her parents.

Doctor: It’s Luna somehow isn't it.

Also, the "9 Years Ago" time frame is referring to 9 years before before the 1st episode of the show.

Ditzy: And remember if you are lost,scared, or need help, go to your nearest officer. They are there to help you!

Doctor: I’m amazed that Dax’s parents never taught her anything in what to do in case of an emergency.

Ditzy: Everything would have been just fine if they had. Author, I am going to send a very serious PM for this! No child, even fictional, should go through all that.

Doctor: (Shakes head) And at five too. Five!

Ditzy: Let’s get out of here. I have a PM to write.

Dinky watched the Doctor and Ditzy walk out the theater back in main meeting room. Dinky turned her head to the main meeting room and went cold. It was dressed up in party decorations. Her mind raced. How was that mare able to put up these decorations without her noticing? How does she keep getting in here? This was like a bad dream.

“Hello Pinkie.” The Doctor said as Pinkie gave him a painful hug. “I was expecting something like this to happen. It was just a little later then I thought it would be.”

“Pinkie!” Ditzy said happily as she hugged Pinkie as the pink mare was hugging the Doctor.

“I’m super super sorry I couldn’t make Hearth's Warming Eve! It made me so sad that you had to spend it all alone! Sooooo, I came as quick as I could.” She said while still holding the Doctor. He looked a little uncomfortable and awkward. “And here I am! With presents!” Pinkie let go of the Doctor and gestured to a large pile of presents.

“That’s great!” Ditzy said pleased.

“And what better way to make up for then with a…” The Doctor interrupted Pinkie.

“A party right?”

“Exactamundo!” Pinkie conformed while giving a small nod.

The Doctor smiled. “Well, that sounds rather fun actually.”

“Oh by the way, love love love the new look.” Pinkie gestured to Ditzy’s temporary human form.

“Oh this, one of the Doctor’s crazy inventions did this.” Ditzy explained.

“Ohhhhhhhh.” Pinkie said like it explained everything.

The Doctor gave a little annoyed look and suddenly changed the subject. “So, how about some cake? I’m dying for a piece. “Nearby was a large elaborately decorated cake on a folding table.

Ditzy looked excited. “I’ll do it.” She grabbed a knife with her hand and cut the cake delicately. She gave a piece to the Doctor and Pinkie. Her practicing over the recent weeks had paid off and she did it without any problems.

“I got you a slice too Dinky!” Pinkie chirped before digging into her piece of cake.

Dinky looked behind her and sure enough, there was a piece of cake on one of the control panels. She grumbled. “One day I am going to figure out how you do that.”

“Pinkie, exactly how long do you plan on staying?” Dinky asked over the intercom dreading the answer.

“Oh, about a month.” Pinkie replied.

“Won’t your friends miss you?” The Doctor tilted his head.

“Nah, I told them I went to a see some friends out of town!” Pinkie answered. “So nopony will miss me for a looonnnggg time! And I get to hang out you for awhile!” Pinkie hugged the Doctor again. He looked really uncomfortable.

Dinky felt a twist in her gut. She didn’t like this at all. “No Pinkie, you can’t stay.” Dinky said firmly.

“Awwwwww, why not?” Pinkie asked sadly.

“Yeah, why not? She was able to stay last time.” Ditzy questioned.

“She just can’t!” Dinky shot back. The Doctor gave a thoughtful look.

“Pllleeeasssseeeeeee.” Pinkie said while giving puppy dog eyes somehow looking at one of the hidden cameras.

“Yeah, it gets so lonely here being here with only the Doctor.” Dinky pleaded. “No offense.”

“None taken. Quite understandable.” The Doctor replied solemnly. “You need more pony contact than just me. It isn’t healthy being cooped up with only one other person. It would do both of us some good her being here.”

Dinky gritted her teeth. “Fine.” She said quietly. Ditzy and Pinkie cheered and the Doctor have a triumphant smile. Dinky sighed. This was going to be one crazy month. Then an idea struck here. It was a very devious idea. She would scare Pinkie off with the worst fic imaginable. Dinky chuckled evilly.

Pinkie: No, don't tell them what Daxeela wished for! Otherwise it won't come true!

Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 01

Hello! We are finally back to the Darkness Saga with the sequel to Darkness of Love. It’s fun to come back to this universe. It has so long since I did the original story. It’s so silly and stupid, it pretty fun to riff. If you haven’t read the original story, you can find it here. Read that first before reading this story. That way you can understand Ditzy’s venom towards this story.

In other news, I have added a mirror on fimfiction. You can find it here. It is unpublished unfortunately, but it will provide a nice little place for comments. There you can flame me and tell me just how unfunny I am! I have also found several new stories that I will be doing. Kingdom of Monsters by hielispace,Equus is Dying by Silver Nightshade,Book 1:Changing Patterns by Natis120, andRarity's 5 Spikes by trahzo. In what order I am not sure yet. Fellow riffing twow443 has agreed to help me riff Rarity’s 5 Spike, and boy will I need it. You’ll see. Anyway, on with the fic!

If anyone is interesting in editing Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater, please PM me onmy fimfiction account.It would be so nice to actually have an editor! Then you all don’t have to deal with my downright embarrassing grammar and spelling!

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to The Grimm Reaperfor letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sat on a boat relaxing lazily while Diamond Tiara’s butler Randolph paddled the boat behind them. It was a pretty little pink boat with an umbrella on the top. The two fillies were sipping lemonade as Randolph paddled them to school. Last week the town somehow got almost completely flooded. Most of the water was gone, but the water level was still too high for two fillies to go through safely. Relief efforts could be seen throughout as the town as ponies tried to rebuild, clean, and waterproof the destroyed town. Many ponies were still using boats to get around.

Diamond Tiara sighed. It was so annoying to get around town like this. She couldn’t wait for everything to get back to normal. She was even a bit relieved to get back to school. It beat an entire week of pretty much nothing to do. She was glad to have her faithful butler to help her get around. In the corner of her eye she thought she saw somepony familiar. She turned to look. Her best friend Silver Spoon followed her gaze. She saw who she was expecting. It was the Apple Bloom and the other Cutie Mark Dorks. It looked like they were closing on another boat with stupid grins on their faces. Diamond Tiara squinted to eyes to see who it was. It was a Dinky, and she noticed the frown on her face when she saw the Crusaders.

“Ugh, are they trying their stupid pitch again?” Silver Spoon moaned. “Don’t they like get that nopony wants to join their stupid club!?”

This didn’t surprise Diamond Tiara one bit. Those three dorks were amazingly thickhead. “They’ll never learn. Why do you think they are still blank flanks?” The two fillies had a laugh at this. Diamond Tiara found it quite astounding that despite everything they have tried, they were not even close to finding their cutie marks yet. She bet they would stay blank flanks for the rest of their miserable lives.

It looked that the Crusaders were showing Dinky something on a projector they somehow got that was connected to a laptop computer. Dinky tried to watch politely while it was obvious she wanted to be elsewhere. Sweetie Belle was holding the projector screen while Apple Bloom worked at the computer. Scootaloo was gesturing wildly trying to explain something. She was apparently the one giving the presentation. Being stuck on a boat surrounded by water, Dinky couldn’t slip away like she did last time. It impressed Diamond Tiara how easily she did that without anypony noticing. She felt sorry for the besieged filly and decided to rescue Dinky. She seemed ok in her book. She commanded Randolph towards the crusaders.

“At it again?” Diamond Tiara mocked. The three crusaders turned and glared at her

“But out this!” Scootaloo yelled.

“Yea’, this don’t concern ya one bit!” Apple Bloom chimed in.

“It does when you torture poor innocent fillies.” Diamond Tiara responded.

“Don’t you see she doesn’t want to watch your stupid presentation?” Silver Spoon scoffed.

It appeared to be a particularly bad PowerPoint presentation. It wasn’t like the simple and sleek ones she has seen her father use. It used animations for every picture and piece of text, different slide transitions for each slide, ugly color choices that often made the text hard to read, pictures everywhere, pointless graphs and pie charts that didn’t appear to actually say anything, and way too much text on each slide that used a tiny font. It was a complete mess, and this didn’t surprise Diamond Tiara one bit. She turned her head away from the eyesore.

“You won’t know a good presentation if it bit you on the butt!” Scootaloo countered.

“Yeah! You think it’s great, don’t you Dinky?” Sweetie Belle turned to Dinky expectantly. The other Crusaders did as well. Dinky squirmed under they’re gaze.

Dinky finally found her courage and spoke her mind. “No, it’s awful.” The Crusaders gapped.

“Wha did we do wrong?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Maybe we didn’t have enough color?” Sweetie Belle speculated.

“I think our pictures weren’t cool enough! I told you we didn’t add enough pictures of Rainbow Dash.” Scootaloo commented.

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “Like that would have helped.”

“Hey! Rainbow Dash makes anything better!” Scootaloo said offended.

“See, they can’t do anything right.” Diamond Tiara snickered.

The Crusaders glared at the two fillies. The bullies just smirked in response. “Anyway, even if the presentation was a dud, you should have a good idea why you should join the Crusaders!” Scootaloo pitched.

“The Crusaders give great benefits to all members.” Apple Bloom said.

“What, like getting covered in icky tree sap?” Silver Spoon snarked.

“It’s amazing just how often that happen to you.” Diamond Tiara responded in kind.

“Get out of here!” Yelled Sweetie Belle.

“We’r tryin’ to d Crusader business.” Apple Bloom said.

“Get lost.” Huffed Scootaloo.

“Um, I don’t want to join the Crusaders.” Dinky said interrupting the fight.

The Crusaders balked at this. “Why not?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I tried the Crusader thing, and it didn’t work out.” Dinky responded. “I’ll find my cutie mark on my own.”

“But it would be so much easier if we helped you!” Sweetie Belle argued.

“No, I’ve seen what your help can do.” Dinky growled.

“Smart girl.” Diamond Tiara commented. She was starting to like this filly. She had surprising backbone for somepony so quiet and shy. “So how about you leave her alone already? It obvious she wants nothing to do with you.”

“That would be really nice.” Dinky responded.

The Crusaders seemed unsure of what to do. Before Apple Bloom opened her month, Dinky started rowing away as a way to finally get out of this conversation.

“That could have gone better.” Sweetie Belle said as she saw Dinky row away.

“Later losers!” Diamond said as she commanded Randolph to row to school.

“Yeah, losers!” Silver Spoon said mimicking her friend.

“Blank flanks, blank flanks, blank flanks!” They mocked and gave a cruel laugh leaving the Crusaders fuming.

As she waited for her butler to get to school, Diamond Tiara went into deep thought.

“Can you like believe those three?” Silver Spoon said.

Diamond Tiara shook her head. “So hopeless.” The two gave out another laugh. In the distance she saw Dinky. She pointed to her butler to meet up with her. Silver Spoon piped up in curiosity.

When Dinky saw the two coming she said in an exasperated voice, “What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing.” Diamond Tiara responded. “Just wanted to say it was cool how you handled the Cutie Mark Losers.”

“Yeah, you like really showed them.” Silver Spoon complemented.

“Uh, thanks.” Dinky said unsurely.

“We should really hang out sometime.” Diamond Tiara suggested.

Silver Spoon nodded. Dinky looked both surprised and confused. “But, I’m a blank flank. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Diamond Tiara waved a hoof dismissively “I just say that to get on Apple Bloom and stupid friend’s nerves. You’re cool.”

“Yeah, it like isn’t really something we actually care about.” Silver Spoon clarified.

“Oh, I see.” Dinky responded and was quiet for a while. The two fillies looked at her expectantly. “Well, sure.” She said reluctantly.

Diamond Tiara smiled in success. She couldn’t wait to see the Crusaders’ reaction. She knew this would really drive them up the wall.

The Doctor wiped his brow. He couldn’t believe he was actually looking forward to the experiment. It would give him a nice break from cleaning all the flood damage to the facility. Currently he was cleaning a wall in the bedroom with disinfect with a rag. Just last night all the water was finally removed and now the Doctor, Ditzy, and Pinkie were responsible to cleaning up everything. Luckily, not too much water got into the facility, but it was a hassle to get rid of it all. A lot of the non hologram things that Dinky got them were ruined. The bed and several pieces of furniture had to be thrown out. Dinky promised to get them new things as quickly as she could. The Doctor grumbled. He should be out seeing the universe, not doing this. He wasn’t a maid.

The Doctor heard the door open. Pinkie bounced in while Ditzy followed behind her. “Time for the experiment!” Pinkie said in a sing song voice.

“Good.” The Doctor said while pulling off his rubber gloves. He stretched while getting up.

“A little hard work won’t hurt you Doctor.” Ditzy commented. Pinkie giggled.

“I am not made for this. I’m…” Ditzy interrupted the Doctor.

“For greater things. Yes we all know Doctor.” Ditzy rolled her eyes.

“He gets so pouty we doesn’t get this way.” Pinkie observed.

“You make me sound like a petulant child.” The Doctor said dryly with a hint of annoyance.

“You are.” Ditzy said giggling.

“Which is so strange seeing your so so so so so so so so so so so so so old!” Pinkie said. “You’re super anciently ancient!”

“I’m not even middle aged for my race thank you very much.” The Doctor said trying to defend himself.

“Ok Doctor, no need to throw a fit about it.” Ditzy said trying to placate the Doctor.

“We don’t mind if you are super old!” Pinkie said trying to do the same.

“Good to hear.” The Doctor straightened himself. “It looks like it’s about that time.” The Doctor gestured to the clock.

“I can’t wait to see what they are going to show us!” Pinkie jumped up and down in excitement.

“You won’t be saying that when you see the type of stories they send us.” Ditzy shook her head.

The three started walking towards the main meeting room. “Oh come on Ditzy. Don’t be like that. The last one we did was so much fun!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“It portrayed all three of us as idiots and made your best friend look brain dead.” Ditzy said bluntly.

“I know! It was so silly!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That is what made it so much fun!”

Ditzy sighed. “If you say so.” The group finally got the main meeting room and entered it.

The Doctor shrugged. “I suppose you could find some enjoyment in that.”

“Come on. It’s just a silly fanfic.” Pinkie argued. “You’re just being a grumpy pants.”

“Hello everyone.” Dinky greeted over the view screen.

“Hello Dinky!” Pinkie greeted with a wide grin.

“How is everything on your end?” The Doctor asked. “Any problems?”

“Everything seems to be ok.” Dinky answered. “All the electrical systems seem fine. There shouldn’t be any problems.”

“Just make sure you make everything nice and clean.” Ditzy warned. “Mildew is serious business. You don’t want to get mold.”

“I’ve made sure to take care of it.” Dinky said.

“Yeah, by making me do most the dirty work.” Star Shot complained. “What do I look like a janitor?”

“Silly Stary. Dinky can’t do all by her little old self.” Pinkie giggled.

“And that means I have to it? As if.” Star Shot refuted. “What’s with this crazy town of yours? It’s just one thing after another.”

“That is what makes Ponyville so much fun!” Pinkie cheered.

“You would think after rebuilding the whole town for the tenth time, they would just get up and leave already.”

“Ponyvillians are a resilient people. A little disaster won't stop them so easily.” The Doctor said resolutely.

“Off their rocker more like.” Star Shot shot back.

“Anyway, it’s time for the experiment.” Dinky interrupted to get the conversation on track. “Today we will be reading…” Dinky paused for dramatic tension. “The Spread of Darkness by The Grimm Reaper chapters one through three. It’s the sequel to Darkness of Love.”

The Doctor and Ditzy groaned audibly. Pinkie looked at them confused. “What’s wrong?”

“Come on really!” Ditzy growled. The Doctor just sighed deeply. Pinkie looked at them expectantly for an answer.

“It’s a sequel to story we did a few months ago. Ditzy didn’t particularly like it all that much.” The Doctor answered.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh.”

Ditzy grinded her teeth “Let’s get this over with.”

“Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her usual evil laugh.

“Have fun!” You could practically hear Star Shot cruel smile as she said this.

The experiment alarm went off. Doctor, Ditzy, and Pinkie rushed to the theater.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkie: So what’s this story about?

Ditzy: It’s about a Spike that left Ponyville and became a huge jerk, but it turns out that he was really doing to protect his friends...somehow I don’t remember, and he angried the Gryphon King for killing some gryphons, even though it was in self defence and they attacked him first and wants him dead. Spike didn’t really like that idea so now the Gryphon King is waging war with Equestria because the king is nutso. Oh, and Spike and Twilight are in love I guess.

Pinkie: Eww. They're sibling pretty much!

Ditzy: Yeah, I know. I think I covered everything right Doctor?

Doctor: Pretty much.

Chapter 1: Infection Through Thought

Doctor: What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere.

Twilight’s eyes were bloodshot as she examined her latest work.

Ditzy: She spend the whole night writing her fanfic.

The crystal Spike had given her emanated with impatience.

Pinkie: (Crystal) Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, can I go play now? Pleassseeee?

His soul wanted out and it wanted it soon.

Pinkie: (Spike) Get me out of this crazy thing!

It hadn’t done it until recently, on that fateful day; when her life seemed to be on the brink of ending. She shuddered at the mere thought.

Ditzy: It broke open and became a giant Kaiju monster.

She went over the calculations one more time, determined not to rest until she’d succeeded.

Doctor: Which will naturally only cause her to fail due to exhaustion.

Everything seemed in check and she was ready to begin. The crystal was seated on a stone altar with ancient runes carved around it.

Pinkie: They seem to show a pony juggling while on one leg!

The runes glowed with a dark purple lining, stretching out from the base of the altar. Around the altar was a dense glass tube,

Ditzy: In case something goes wrong naturally.

barring access to the crystal itself. Four lines stretched out North, East, South and West, ending in runic circles charted with numerous symbols around the hemispheres.

“Okay… thank you for coming, Cadence...

All: Cadance.

According to my calculations… the spell requires one member… of each pony race to perform.”

Pinkie: Great! Where are they going to get a flutter, bat, and sea pony at this hour?

Ditzy: Do you think it needs breezes too?

Twilight stumbled into one of the circles, her body wobbly and malnourished.

Doctor: (Twilight) I can sleep, eat, and drink water all I want when my work is done!

Her speech was fading and it was becoming hard to hear her.

“Twilight, while I’m happy to help you out with this… I think you should recover your strength and get something to eat and some sleep.

Doctor: (Cadance) You can’t live off of just coffee and soda.

You’ve been working an entire week without food or rest, and… it’s showing, badly.” Cadence replied, sitting in the Northern circle adjacent to Twilight in the Southern circle.

Doctor: (Cadance) You been reading the exact same page for the last hour.

Ditzy: (Cadance) You read 50 Shades of Hay and actually liked it!

“Yeah, Twi; you look like a gryphon’s eaten you from the inside-out and left the skin on the bones.” Rainbow Dash added within the Western circle. In the Eastern circle sat Applejack who had removed her Stetson and the red ties that kept her mane and tail wrapped up.

Pinkie: The spell said no fashion accessories!

Cadence had removed her regal attire as well as her diadem. Any immaterial objects that were inorganic would have ruined the spell.

Doctor: We don’t want a repeat of last time. It was impossible to clean out all that rice pudding.

“No… I can’t sleep without… him.”

Pinkie: (Twilight) I can’t sleep without snuggles!

Ditzy: Wait, Spike is dead now?

Doctor: (Shrugs) I guess.

Twilight levitated a book over to her side and looked at the text.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Doh, stupid me! I forgot the 4 egg yolks and a teaspoon vanilla extract!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Um, Twilight. That’s a cookbook.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I knew that! I...was just testing you!

The others remained silent, having nothing else to say on the matter.

“Now… this magic is really old; from like… before Princesses Celestia and Luna.

Pinkie: Woah, it’s even older than Fluttershy?!

Instead of using… pony magic. The spell requires words spoken in… dragon tongue.”

Doctor: (Twilight) It’s a good thing I took a correspondence course in dragonese.

Twilight rubbed her eyes which began to bleed, turning the whites of her eyes red.

Pinkie: Woah! Somepony call a doctor quick!

She looked terrible. Her mane was ragged and her tail was no better. Her coat had darkened after she’d begun to tamper in a more permanent dark magic that had changed the colours of her irises from violet to maroon. The blood in her eyes blended magnificently with the irises, giving her an even more evil appearance.

Doctor: She also developed a tendency to make over the top monologues.

Ditzy: It also made it really hard to see.

Doctor: They never talk about these sort of things when the bad guys tempt you to the dark side.

Um… not that Ah don’t mind doin’ this sugar cube, but if this is old dragon magic, then why are us ponies needed? Wouldn’t four dragons be better suited for the job?” Applejack asked,

Pinkie: (Applejack) Ther’ shoult least be somepony with ta right training!

scratching her head with her hoof. Twilight shook her head.

“No, the species difference is irrelevant.

Pinkie: Wow! So does this mean spiders or bees could perform it? Though, it might be hard being so tiny and not having hooves!

What this spell does… is it takes our mental images of Spike…

Doctor: Wouldn’t that cause some conflict in the spell? Each one of you has a different interpretation of what Spike is like.

Ditzy: He’ll probably turn out like a Poncasso painting.

plus the magic that we each bare.

Ditzy: It good thing Twilight has magic basically coming out of her ears.

The book says both gryphons… and ponies were used to bring back their fallen comrades…

Doctor: This created the unfortunate side effect of war lasting centuries due to the fact that neither side could deplete the other.

in the off chance that a death occurred with one of… the four… whatever… I don’t know what they’re called.”

“Wait, there’s the possibility we could die from this?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight shook her head. “No, not likely… there were never any recorded deaths when this spell was performed.

Pinkie: That’s just great! Now you made it 20 times more likely to happen saying that!

This spell… will take our unique abilities.

Pinkie: Spike will be the best dressmaker after this!

For example, an Earth Pony’s strength, a Unicorn’s magic, a Pegasus’ wings… and an Alicorn’s ability to utilize all three. These characteristics closest resemble a dragon’s.”

Ditzy: No, not really.

Pinkie: Aren’t dragon just big and strong and stuff and breath fire?

she was searching for air in the room by the time she’d finished.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Come out come out wherever you are!

“And what’s this glass thing here for?” Cadence asked, knocking on the glass.

“That’s got two purposes. It’ll prevent any draconic magic from scaping, as well as the regenerative liquid that I’m going to teleport into it.”

Doctor: Why can’t it be in the tube at the start?

Ditzy: Since when can dragons teleport stuff?

“Regenerative Liquid?” Applejack asked.

Ditzy: She got it from Thyferra.

Twilight sighed and nodded.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Gah, do I have to explain everything!

“Yes…It’s something I concocted with Zecora. Some remedial… flowers unique to the book’s requirements. They’re easy to find in the Everfree… if you know where to look.

Doctor: (Twilight) They also go great with tea and biscuits.

Now lets’ get this spell started.” Twilight took a moment to catch her breath. With her magic, the aura around her horn darkened, she lifted the book and began to recite the words of the ancient draconic language.

Ditzy: Now it’s time for the author to pound on his keyboard and pretend it’s an ancient language.

Doctor: Maybe the author spent years researching langua- (Snorts) No, I can’t finish that.

“Mrith nomeno raelgil, yth tuor wer sepa irsa ekess clax adon vur dronilnr ekess udoka hesi thurirl vur kiabil. Vrrar thurirli tepoha dryica zahae ekess tluog asta vers ekess wer sepa di wer darastrix.” as Twilight began the chant, the crystal lit up like a light source and began to pulsate.

Doctor: Hmm, it sounded like you just said you wanted to order a salad with a glass of water in Quilniese. Are you sure you’re using the right language?

“Wer darastrix ui hesi thurirl, sia itov. Petranas, letoclo udoka. Majak jacion spical ekess udoka.” as Twilight finished the incantation,

Doctor: And now you’re asking for a piece of pie.

the crystal detatched into three small pieces. They rose from the altar and spun around each other in a ring. The four circles the ponies resided in lit up, each taking their own colours. North grew white, East grew red, South grew blue and West grew yellow. They pulsated like the crystal had before and began to force different energies into the altar. Each rune grew a rainbow of colours and formed a barrier that stopped short of the glass cylinder. The crystals stopped moving and took their positions that seemed random in nature. The barrier retreated in on itself, and began to take on the form of a dragon. The familiar outline brought a tear to Twilight’s eye.

Ditzy: (Twilight) He really need to work out and lay off the sweets. His flank is huge!

Spike chuckled. “Well, it’s supposed to create a new body around it… but there’s a method needed to begin the process, which I don’t know about. That method was lost to even my kind long ago.”

Pinkie: It turns out it’s just vinegar!

Twilight felt the crystal grow heavy in her hoof.

Pinkie: Oh no, it’s growing!

“Why are you telling me this?” there was a moment’s hesitation in him as he looked her in the eyes. It was then Twilight noticed he’d somehow gone blind in one eye.

Pinkie: Oh, don’t feel so bad. You can wear a cool eye patch now and pretend you're a pirate!

She remained silent as he was about to reveal all to her.

“I…I’m dying, Twi.”Spike shifted uncomfortably.

Ditzy: Huray! Er, poor Spike.

Pinkie: That wasn’t very nice.

Ditzy: You would say that if you knew this version of Spike.

Twilight hadn’t moved an inch afterward. “It’s… the dark magic, Twi. I did something with it that caused my body to reject it.

Doctor: As I have said before, dark powers are stupid.

I’ve got about one week left in me before I kick the bucket. Like I said before, I was going to leave either way.

Doctor: Except now you’ll make excellent fertilizer.

Ditzy: Maybe Applejack can make some good use out of him

I’d hoped you’d never have to know about this. It’s the reason why I tried to distance myself from you all when I came back. I just wanted to… see you all again before I severed all ties to you

Doctor: You remember the last story hinting to this at all?

Ditzy: I don’t think so.

Twilight began to cry as the news reached her. She’d just found true love and time was taking it away from her.

Ditzy: Cheer up, there are plenty of psychotic bad boys in the sea.

The barrier began to take on a corporeal form. What looked like hellfire and ashes began to circulate around it and through the dense thick of the smoke that billowed from the flames, the skeletal structure of a dragon could be seen appearing as if it were rising to the surface of the ocean.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Should I tell Spike he has an extra rib?

With the bones in place, flesh began to morph into existence around them, followed quickly by thick skin, then scales.

Doctor: Then he starting growing gills.

Pinkie: And skin was pokadot!

The owner of the body cried out in apparent agony as his body was forced together within a matter of seconds. The newly renewed form of Spike seemed agitated.

Doctor: (Spike) This constant unspeakable agony is so irritating.

The three crystal shards were embedded on his forehead, chest and abdomen.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gah! That wasn’t suppose to happen!

They gave off a slight purple pulse before going to rest. Twilight barely managed to avoid leaving the circle. Her willpower to make sure everything went correctly held her in place. With her magic, she teleported the regenerative liquid directly into the tank.

Pinkie: No wait Twilight! That was jam!

Spike squirmed for a few minutes, startled by the sudden increase in pressure.

“Vdri, itov.” she said. Using the dragon’s language, she forced Spike into a state of sleep.

All: SLEEEEEEEEEEEP!

The dragon ceased his struggle and was drawn toward the altar, where the energy was slowly pouring into his body.

“Okay, ten more minutes of this and we can all break away. Thanks again, girls.” she said, lying down in the circle.

Pinkie: Cake break everypony!

“You really are amazing, Twilight. It’s this kind of stuff that makes me the proudest babysitter in the world.” Cadence began. But Twilight was already asleep.

Pinkie: (Cadance)(Snort) Some ponies.

Now she could dream of a bright future with Spike,

Doctor: Well, a shady day at least.

once the war with the Gryphons was over. But that wouldn’t be difficult, right?

Doctor: They only kicked the snot out of you with little difficult and the only reason you won was due to Spike’s dark powers. Easy as pie.

Within the confines of Spike’s healing tank, he could feel strength and power coursing through him.

Pinkie: I have the power!

It felt nice, like bubbles rising beneath one in a warm bath. The collective memories he had returned slowly, with the aid of his friends’ perspectives filling in the gaps.

Ditzy: Won’t that make things more confusing?

Doctor: Again different perspectives.

An overwhelming sense of pride struck Spike as he realised the love of his life had done something the dragons couldn’t figure out in thousands of years. And she’d only done it in a matter of months since his demise at the hands of the darkness.

Pinkie: Don’t you mean the hooves of darkness?

Doctor: Or claws.

Ditzy: What is with this fic and using human terms?

That was a harrowing memory.

Doctor: One we are not going to bother showing.

Pinkie: It had car chases, explosions, double triple crosses, polar bears, zombies, parties, and a lot of jumping out of buildings in slow motion…..

The bubbly feeling left as he thought about that incident. When he’d been turned to stone like Discord, but crumbled like the base of a cheesecake.

Pinkie: Pfft, only an amateur lets that happen!

Ditzy: He tried to die while making a macho pose, but he sneezed at the last second.

Wanting to take his mind off of the subject, Spike drew his subconscious attention to the minds of his friends. He began to wonder what Twilight was thinking or dreaming about.

Pinkie: (Twilight) It’s raining books everywhere! It’s a miracle!

Using the connection with the altar as a medium for his intrusion into her mind, he saw her plans for the future.

Pinkie: Spike’s a stay at home dad while Twilight works at the Ponyville library.

He smiled as he saw himself sitting across from Twilight at one of the fanciest restaurants in Canterlot, sharing a table outside the front.

Ditzy: That doesn’t sound like Twilight at all.

Pinkie: Yeah, where are the hayburgers!?

Afterward, the fantasy would shift to a private room in the Princesses’ castle, where the two of them just slept on the giant red heart-shaped bed, holding each other in a loving embrace. She then imagined the two of them falling asleep in the middle of a kiss, making it last the whole night.

Doctor: Unfortunately, Spike had to endure every minute of it.

Sadly, the dream turned to a nightmare as Twilight began to have doubts about the ongoing war. Her greatest fear was Spike’s second life coming to an end at the very creatures that sought it, led by the princess he’d disrespected.

Pinkie: He teepeed Canterlot Castle last Nightmare Night.

Twilight’s nightmare was Celestia having joined the gryphons in a ploy for revenge against the unexpected attack to her pride and face. The thought of betrayal from Twilight’s mentor burned deep within the mare, and it began to infect Spike.

Ditzy: He’s been infected with the T-Virus!

The dragon awoke with a start. The thick almost gel-like liquid that covered his surface startled him, especially when he realised he could inhale it. It was a dark aqua colour, but the light from the runes made it easy enough to see through to the ponies. Twilight was fidgeting in her sleep. Spike dared not enter her mind in the state she was in now. He reached over to Rainbow Dash and entered her mind. It was fairly simple in nature,

Doctor: It was a crayon.

and a very predictable dream for her.

Pinkie: She a cool ninja and she fought off like 30 dragons singled hooved that all exploded when she beat them.

She was in the Wonderbolts, finally.

Doctor: Finally after 20 years.

And all her friends were watching her from the crowd that had gathered to see her special Sonic Rainboom, Even Gilda was cheering her on in a happy-go-lucky sort of way, which was out of character for her.

Doctor: She had a sign that said Rainbow Dash 3:16.

Scootaloo was hovering, able to remain in the air at least without moving her position.

Pinkie: If you looked closely, you could see the string!

Then she too began to grow a nightmare. The gryphons had returned and were in so many numbers, you couldn’t see a lick of sunlight within the tidal wave. The nightmare concluded with Rainbow Dash hurrying to Celestia to ask for aid. But she refused to give it.

Pinkie: (Celestia serious) You didn’t say pretty please.

Spike withdrew from Dash’s mind and waited a moment to calm down from the frightening scenes that ensued. As Spike cleared his thoughts, he thought he noticed the liquid he was in had turned a shade darker. Perhaps it was just his imagination?

Ditzy: (Spike) It wasn’t me!

He went into Applejack’s mind, figuring there was nothing the farm pony could fear from her applebucking. He was wrong.

Ditzy: The trees came alive and attacked her!

While she and her family were tending the fields, both gryphons and Timberwolves appeared from the sky and ground. They’d joined forces, all under the symbol of Celestia who had desired the gryphons over her own subjects.

Doctor: (Celestia) Call me a useless cake obsessed nincompoop will they!

Spike drew away with a groan. Every nightmare involved Celestia somehow. Cadence! Surely Cadence couldn’t have a nightmare involving her own Aunt.

Doctor: Did it ever occur to you that you are the one causing this?

To Spike’s pleasure, he saw she was dreaming about her family. She was lying by the fire with Shining Armour and their beautiful baby filly. But their smiles seemed hollow, as though the family were keeping up appearances even amongst each other.

Ditzy: (Cadance) I saw what you were you doing with that whorse Rarity! After everything we’ve done and been through. How could you!?

Spike altered his view of the dream and noticed a mantelpiece above the fireplace with some images of Twilight,

Pinkie: They made sure to display the most embarrassing ones.

first as a foal, then a growing filly, and then as she was when she’d made her first friends. The last picture of her was recent. She looked worn down slightly, but that came with age.

Doctor: She was yelling at foals to get off of her lawn.

She was smiling weakly. Spike couldn’t stop looking at that particular picture, until he noticed one more. It wasn’t a picture of Twilight, but as he looked closer, it was an image of her grave.

Pinkie: Why would you have a picture of a grave on your mantelpiece?

Here Lies

Twilight Sparkle

D.O.B: 979 A.L

D.O.D: 1013 A.L

A Beloved Sister, Daughter And Wife

Defied Princess Celestia

Pinkie: (Celestia) Twilight, change your mane back this instant!

Doctor: (Twilight) It’s none of your business get off my back!

Spike read the grave stone and covered his incorporeal mouth. There were two more stones, one was his, with roughly the same text, but between them was a smaller stone.

Here Lies

Dawn Sparkle

D.O.B: 1012 A.L

D.O.D: 1013 A.L

A Beloved Daughter, Niece And Cousin

Killed Along With Parents

Ditzy: …. It’s a good thing this is just a dream.

That image tipped Spike over the edge.

Pinkie: (Spike) They could've at least given me a cool statue!

He snapped his eyes open, seeing the tank was now shrouded in black. He flung his body around, hitting the glass, but try as he might, he couldn’t break it.

Doctor: (Spike) Ow, that was a bad idea

He could sense that the others had arisen from their nightmares.

Doctor: Luna finally did her job.

He heard hooves touch the glass, which reverberated through the liquid. Spike drew his attention toward the nearest light source. The altar omitted a faint glow as the last of the energy was unleashed. Spike threw his hand

Ditzy: Claws.

onto the altar’s top and a wave burst through the tank. The glass gave way to the condensed force and shattered, freeing the hyperactive and enraged dragon.

Doctor: Unfortunately, it gave everyone else horrible injuries from the exploding glass.

Twilight and the others were thrown back, sliding along the ground as they were slicked with black gel-like liquid.

Pinkie: Weeeeeeeeee!

Twilight looked straight at Spike who was shrouded in a mist of blackness.

Pinkie: (Spike) I’m back baby and better than ever!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Really? That’s the line you’re going with for your triumphant return?

Pinkie: (Spike) Shut up! It’s cool!

The sounds were indescribable.

Doctor: It sounded like styrofoam rubbing together while an off key mare tried to sing happy birthday.

She tried her best to look through the blackness, but it covered him like drapes underwater. It was for only an instant that she saw a pair of white glowing eyes shine through the blackness.

“Shit.” she whispered to herself.

Ditzy: Hey! That’s Spike’s catchphrase!

Author's Note: Okay guys, I'm making a few little changes to Spike and also some personality tweaks to the others because,

Doctor: (Author) It’s my story and I’m doing whatever I want!

let's face it, war does that to people.

Ditzy: (Author) Now I have the perfect excuse to have the characters act as OOC as I want and get away with it.

Spike will no longer be so much as a badass,

Pinkie: Now he will cry whenever he gets hit.

but ultimately insane.

Doctor: Get the Napoleon hat.

Instead of his dark magic resembling Sombra's, it'll remain true to ss2Sonic's design and resemble the picture shown.

Doctor: He’s using dark magic again after it killed him?

Pinkie: Bad Spike! No dark magic! Bad dragon!

The transition between light and Dark Spike will be somewhat like the Ghost Rider's, including a new personality when changed.

Ditzy: They will have drastic gameplay differences.

Translations to the draconic text are as follows in reading order:

Ditzy: Does it really matter?

With this crystal, we desire the soul within to take form and bring to us our friend and companion. Four friends have gathered around to lend their power to the soul of the dragon.

The dragon is our friend, my love. Please, help us. Give him back to us.

Sleep, Love.

Now then, Spike's resurrection/rebirth (I felt I was clever with this) is exactly like Spike's resurrection from Angel Series 5

Pinkie: (Author) Homage! It’s a homage! Not a ripoff whatsoever! Nope!

And the indescribable sound Spike makes will be the sounds the Rider makes in the newest movie.

That is all.

All: (Singing) And that's all I have to say about that!

Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 02

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 17 - Part 2

Chapter 2: Black Attraction

Twilight gasped as the distorted figure, encased in a cloud of black smoke stood rigid before the ponies in the room. She could see Spike’s eyes glowing through the darkness and although it wasn’t possible to see, she could tell his body was shaking.

Pinkie: (Spike) I-it’s freezing in here!

His eyes wobbled behind the smoke as if he were having trouble moving.

Doctor: Unfortunately, the resurrection spell didn’t properly restore his muscles. Now he has to spend months of physical therapy to get his muscles back to their proper strength.

“Spike…” she whispered. The concealed dragon shot those eyes towards her, freezing in place as the smoke swirled around him with a life of its own.

Pinkie: That’s a great trick! Ooo ooo, make funny animal shapes out of them!

Twilight was both horrified and intrigued by Spike’s transformation,

Ditzy: Sure he’s an abomination created by dark magic, but he’s just so hunky!

but terror took over as he roared a powerful roar at her. She could see his mouth open, glowing the same hot whiteness as his eyes. What had he turned into? How did it happen?

Pinkie: What has science done!?

Twilight scuttled to her hooves as the dragon seemed unable to recognise her,

Doctor: Not surprising considering you disfigured yourself with dark magic.

advancing on her like a hungry dinosaur.

Pinkie: Does this mean his brain is tiny weenie now?

Doctor and Ditzy: Now?

Fortunately, he was slow.

Doctor: He moved at her at the speed of a Brachiosaurus.

His body wasn’t completely regenerated yet, but that seemed like such a small handicap in comparison to the aura of rage that filled her lungs as he approached.

Ditzy: Well, looks like we’ll have to put him down. (Mimics cocking a shotgun) It’s for his own good.

His presence was maddening. She felt as though she were running underwater, and her body was being drowned in thick air. She was forced to stop as the sensation ruined her mind.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh no! I can’t remember Spell Bound’s Second Law of Magic! I don’t know how to do astrophysics anymore. It’s too much!

She felt the scaly hand of her love grab her shoulder.

Doctor: (Spike) It’s ok Twilight. You can just relearn it again. Think how fun that would be.

His claws dug into her, seeming to burn the flesh beneath the surface. She cried out as Spike threw her around to face him and forced her down. It took Twilight a matter of seconds to realise his intentions. She never planned for her first time to be under circumstances even remotely similar to this.

All: What!?

Doctor: This got dark.

As the dark dragon descended upon her, the dark magic Twilight had herself been corrupted with seemed to resonate with him, and she found herself growing… enticed with the notion.

Doctor: Super Villainy came with nice perks. Your own secret fortress, all the money you should ever want, fame and power, and entire countries bowing at your feet.

Her entire life was based on the study of knowledge and logical thinking, but here and now, in front of her ex-foalsitter and two best friends, she found the primal part of herself

Ditzy: Primal Twilight Sparkle.

that told her to pack in decency and logic

Doctor: Well, this certainly didn’t take long.

and let this monster rut her like a sex god.

Doctor: Please don’t tell me this is actually happening.

Ditzy: Oh ponyfeathers!

Pinkie: Maybe we should just shut our eyes and give them some privacy.

Her eyes turned red and green, the purple aura symbolising dark magic appeared around her eyes. She smiled at him, her voice distorted beyond recognition.

“Hurry up, Spike. We’re not getting any younger.” The command registered in the monster’s mind.

Pinkie: (Spike) What? I can’t understand what you are saying.

His mouth opened slightly as a coughing bark or affirmation escaped his lips.

Ditzy: Quick, get a stick or bone for him to play with!

Twilight felt something wriggling between her thighs, alive and strong, like a snake.

Doctor: (Spike) Opps, sorry. My tail seems to have a mind of its own sometimes.

She grinned at the prospects and the fantasies she was having regarding the performance of this entity.

Pinkie: Oh goody! It’s going to riverdance!

She could feel it drawing nearer to the place nopony else but Spike could dream of.

Doctor: Ahem, aren’t you naked most the time.

Ditzy:(Smacks the Doctor)

Doctor: Oww. What was that for?

Pinkie: (Giggles)

Alas, her sex would have to wait for another time as they were rudely interrupted by Applejack who had inpossibly found a frying pan from somewhere in the room and banged the dragon on the head, effectively knocking him out.

All: Hooray!

Ditzy: Thank you Applejack!

Spike keeled over, pulling the darkness from Twilight’s eyes with him. Twilight jumped with a start and wriggled away from Spike, confused about the whole matter.

“What? What happened, what?” she asked, looking at the others, then Spike and finally the frying pan. “Where’d you get that?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) And where can I get one?

Applejack just twirled the frying pan around and chuckled. “Ah dunno. It was just there next ta where Ah landed. Mighty lucky though, right?” she offered Twilight her hoof, which she accepted gratefully.

Pinkie: Now it’s Twilight’s turn!

“Twilight, are you alright?” Cadence asked, rushing over to check the unicorn up and down.

Doctor: (Twilight) Am I already? Applejack may have killed Spike!

“Yes, I’m fine. He just got my shoulder, that’s all. Twilight looked over at the small incisions Spike’s claws had made on her body. Despite the memory of the pain they caused, she smiled. Why she smiled, she wasn’t able to tell. Perhaps the stress of the war was getting to her.

Ditzy: (Twilight) It was caused by Spike. How could I hate it?

“Well what do we do about Sleepin’ beauty over here?”

Pinkie: Quick get Shining Armor to kiss him!

Applejack asked, knocking the dragon on the head again with the frying pan.

Ditzy: And didn’t stop for another five minutes.

Certain thoughts entered Twilight’s head which would have had her blushing were it not for the events that forced paleness to become an ever present feature.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I’m into the weirdest things. Why are clown suits always involved?

“Help me lift him.” she said.

The high pitched growl resonated in Spike’s mind as he awoke. He remembered nothing after Cadence’s dream. The remaining image of the tombstones irritated him to no end.

Doctor: (Spike) The death of my family is so annoying!

Even whilst his confusion overwhelmed his thoughts, that image burned at the back of his mind and made itself painfully aware of its source.

He opened his eyes to find himself in a dark room with absolutely no source of light. At first, he believed he had gone blind, but the light from a few flames escaping his mouth dispelled the idea as quickly as it had appeared. His body was stiff, no doubt a side effect of the regeneration. Pride swelled up in him once again. She’d done it.

Pinkie: (Spike) Wait a minute, I have have three fingers now!

The young dragon sat up and his hands ‘

All: Claws.

rested on something wet and sticky.

Pinkie: Opps. It looks like somepony spilled some honey.

It caught his attention. Somehow, the room lit up and he saw what he’d touched.

Doctor: Oh, it was fluorescent paint.

It was blood.

Ditzy: Oh, don’t worry about. It was just a bad nose bleed.

The distinct smell of rotting flesh filled his nostrils and he looked around. He gasped, going wide-eyed as he saw Twilight, or what remained of her. Her hooves were gone,

Pinkie: They were replaced with (Gasps) hands! Dun dun dun!

her tail torn to shreds. Entrails were sprawled around her, some of which had been half eaten. Her horn was snapped in half and her eyes were missing.

Doctor: Thanks for that author.

Pinkie: Oh, it’s one of those fics. Next it is going to have me cut up ponies with a knife or something for fun.

Doctor: I won’t put it past him.

“No!” he exclaimed as he scuttled across the stone floor to her side. He hesitated to touch her. Her body was reduced to just over half.

Doctor: He took about a tape measure to make sure.

His hands trembled as they got closer to her. One of her ears had been bitten off and claw marks were on the side of her face he hadn’t seen before. As he managed to touch her face, he traced his claws along the scars. They fit his hand perfectly.

Pinkie: Oh no! He has an evil twin!

He exhaled with a whine and began to hyperventilate. His body became spasmodic as he tried to wipe off the blood that was all over him. He could see similar bodies in worse or similar states to Twilight’s surrounding him. It became clear to him that he’d murdered his friends.

Pinkie: What? No, it was your evil twin obviously!

Doctor: Duh.

Spike took a deep breath and yelled at the top of his voice. The yell turned into a pained roar as he collapsed beside his mare.

Doctor: (Spike) Noooooooooooooooo!

Ditzy: (Spike) What I am fighting for!?

Pinkie: (Spike) I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with light!

Spike then found himself floating in darkness, the smell of blood and decay present in the air.

Ditzy: Dang and no Febreze too.

He tried to look around, but he couldn’t feel his head turning. He tried moving, but he couldn’t feel that either. He was totally devoid of his senses.

Ditzy: Oops, looks like Twilight accidently made him paralyzed for life.

Is this death? He thought to himself. A hiss sounded through the silence, almost deafening the poor dragon. He searched for any source of light, but his sight was still barred.

Pinkie: It was a no sight zone.

“Who’s there?” he called, hearing his own voice, feeling it vibrating through his throat. He tried moving his body, he could feel again. He saw a large white orb appear, like an eye opening. He heard nothing, but somehow he could tell what it was trying to say.

Doctor: It communicated through eye blinks.

It was hungry.

Pinkie: Oh no. Get it um… what do eyes eat anyway?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

“What do you want?” Spike demanded,

Ditzy: Well, um. Let’s just say it thinks you would go nicely with tartar sauce right now.

Pinkie: Don’t forget the pickles!

trying to float away from the eye. A thought entered his mind, a thought that wasn’t his own.

Ditzy: (Spike) Party rock? What?

That was how he knew what it was and now he knew what it wanted; food. It seemed like a simple entity, but something about it felt dangerous.

Pinkie: It could blink you to death! Scary!

Spike was shaking as he looked into the white orb of an eye.

Doctor: (Spike) It really needs Clear Eyes.

Pinkie: (Deadpan) Clear Eyes wow.

“What is this place?” Spike heard its thoughts again. This was his mind; rather dull to say the least.

Doctor: To the surprise of no one.

“Do you have a name?” he asked again. The thought ‘names are useless’ entered his mind and he knew it had answered.

Pinkie: That’s silly. We are going to call you Eyesy McEye!

Doctor: I was going to go with Larry, but that works too.

Words weren’t really what he was experiencing with this thing, but emotions, urges.

Doctor: It could really go for a snickers right now.

He could feel this thing’s hunger, he could feel the pointlessness of having a name.

Ditzy: It was too cool to have a name!

He asked what was going on, afterwards, he realised it didn’t matter, he just wanted to consume… everything.

Doctor: Good idea! How about you start with yourself first?

The eye divided into two and reformed into a pair of orbs, then a mouth began to stretch. Spike suddenly got the feeling like he was no bigger than an animal cracker to this thing, whatever it was.

Ditzy: Quick get some milk!

He tried his best to fly, swim and kick away in the space, but the gigantic face just closed in and snapped its mouth shut over him.

All: The End!

Ditzy: Well that was short.

Pinkie: That was a lot of fun!

Doctor: Much better than the original.

“Spike awoke with a start, sitting up.

Doctor: (Sighs) Of course not.

Ditzy: If we could be so lucky.

Twilight was sprawled on a bed on top of him, the covers between them. She awoke from his sudden rise and looked at him with both worry and happiness.

Pinkie: (Twilight) You’ve been asleep for 10 days!

“Spike!” she exclaimed, pulling the rustled dragon into a tight hug.

Doctor: (Spike) Stop... new body is…. still…... recuperating!

She then proceeded to lock lips with his,

Pinkie: (Twilight) Ugh, he tastes like rotten eggs.

calming him down a great deal. Spike felt a tongue forcing its way in past his teeth.

Pinkie: (Giggles) Somepony is eager today.

He opened his mouth and gave it passage, where he swapped saliva with the mare he’d devoted his life to love and protect.

Ditzy: I didn’t know it was the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange.

There was a familiar feeling in the bedroom as the air grew thick with their combined tension. Twilight was a virgin, but dying to give that away to him,

Pinkie: At half price for this weekend only!

and he hadn’t had sex in months,

Doctor: You poor thing.

Ditzy: How could anypony deal with such a trial!?

Pinkie: Wait, what? With who?

Ditzy: It isn’t important. Just some dragon hussy that died the same chapter she was introduced.

not since that night with Rainbow Dash,

Ditzy: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Pinkie: So this a love triangle now?

Doctor: No, they just got drunk and one thing led to another. Ect, ect.

the self-proclaimed Byke of Cloudsdale.

Doctor: And because you did that Twilight almost died! Or have you forgotten?

Pinkie: What?

Ditzy: Oh right, Spike’s jerkyness drove Twilight over the edge and she ….tried to kill herself….twice.

Doctor: And the second time happened because Spike was off fooling around with Ms. Dash instead of watching over her.

Pinkie: Spike, you fail as a stallion.

Ditzy: I know right!

Those memories, combined with their joint desire to mate threw Spike over the edge. A single thought entered his mind:

Ditzy: (Spike) I could really go for some hayfries right now.

Spike gotta have it!

Doctor: (Twilight) Sorry Spike, but I’m saving myself for marriage.

He tore the covers that separated himself from her to the side and rolled around, throwing her beneath him. Twilight gasped in such a cute way, it drove Spike to near insanity.

Pinkie: (Spike) Get out of here purple mongooses! I’m trying to get laid here!

He could feel that neither he, nor Twilight wanted to deal with the foreplay.

Pinkie: Where would he get a tuba at this hour!?

Doctor: ...What?

She’d wrapped her hind legs around his waist and her fore-hooves were spread out to the side. Spike was prepared to break his life-long best friend, the elder sister figure that he looked up to during his infancy.

Ditzy: That’s not weird or anything!

Pinkie: Twilight is like his mom. Icky!

But she was no longer that to him, she was an unspoiled treasurer ready to be plundered.

All: Really.

Ditzy: Celestia, that was corny.

(Clop Scene)

Ditzy: Thank Celestia we don’t have to read that.

Pinkie: After that last line, I so so so so glad we don’t.

“We’re back!” Scootaloo called out as she entered

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Celestia! Why didn’t you lock the door!?

the main hall where the others were resting and silently chatting to each other. Rainbow Dash and Gilda both walked in behind her, both beaten and scratched from their activities. Rarity gasped at the sight of her friends.

Doctor: It turns out flying at high speeds through a forest is a bad idea.

“Heavens, darling. What did you do to each other?” she cried, trotting over to Rainbow Dash with Fluttershy in tow. The pale yellow Pegasus began working on giving first aid to Gilda.

“We trained, Rarity. This is the result.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie, you are suppose to wash car windows when you train.

Doctor: Training sessions shouldn’t end with both participants in the hospital.

We’re not going to win this war unless we enter the fray as well.

Ditzy: Half dead from all your ‘training’.

The Elements of Harmony will be a great help in the long run.

Ditzy: If you can use them.

Not to mention the diehard dragon with steel scales.” Dash said as she looked down to Scootaloo.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie! Scootaloo isn’t a dragon!

“Scoots’ training is going pretty well. I don’t expect her to actually fight, but she can defend herself for a time.

Ditzy: Right, against somepony that beat Big Mac easily.

Her main goal is to escape, right Scoots?”

Doctor: Finally, someone is speaking sense!

Scootaloo sighed and nodded. “Yes, Dash.” she moaned, wishing she could actually fight alongside her hero.

Pinkie: They could do that cool back to back thing surrounded by bad guys!

“And I take it that’s where Gilda came in regarding the training?” Rarity asked, looking the gryphon up and down.

Ditzy: (Gilda) I’m not getting a manicure lady or anything lame like that!

Gilda lightly pounded her chest. “That’s right. I got a reputation to uphold. Ain’t nobody gonna hurt my friends while I’m around, especially Dash here.”

The blue Pegasus bumped Gilda with her elbow and ruffled her feathers with her muzzle as she nuzzled the gryphon in appreciation.

Pinkie: Awwwwww.

“Didn’t you get your butt kicked by them last time?” Pinkie interrupted, appearing behind Rarity who jumped in surprise.

Pinkie: Finally!

Ditzy: It isn’t going to last.

Pinkie: Why not?

Ditzy: You are going to be quickly forgotten. This could be one of the three lines you are going to have in this fic.

Pinkie: But, who is going to cheer everypony up and throw parties?

Doctor: I doubt the author wants that. It isn’t dark and edgy or some such nonsense.

Pinkie: Awwwww…..

Gilda restrained a growl at the comment.

“Those birdbrains snuck up on me last time.

Pinkie: (Gilda) Right in front of me.

Next time won’t be so favourable for them. They’re just as strong as any other gryphon, they just have that resistance to magic going for them.” Gilda scratched the old stone floor, digging up some of the loose gravel.

Doctor: How did that help them beat you?

“Okey-dokel-lokey!” Pinkie said, bouncing away from the small group.

Ditzy: See?

Pinkie: Two lines? Really!?

Scootaloo joined her friends and began to scruffle with them while Fluttershy finished off bandaging Gilda and moved on to Rainbow Dash.

While all that happened, Twilight emerged from Spike’s room with a very giddy look planted on her features. Rarity caught her friend’s look and smiled with knowing glee.

Pinkie: They just had an intense tickling session.

Author's Note:

Okay, for those of you who are interrested, here's the clop scene that was in the Original chapter. The password for viewing it is 'Wingblade'.

Ditzy: What sort of sicko would actually be interested?

Doctor: This is going from the mare that likes to sneak peaks of Spike’s bu…

Ditzy: Noted! Noted!

Pinkie: (Giggles)

Black Attraction Clop Scene

Pinkie: Link removed in the name of good taste!

Episode 17 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 03

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 17 - Part 3

Chapter 3: Mass Surge

Out in Equestria, the war waged on.

Ditzy: War. War never changes.

Celestia and Luna had once again come to terms with the situation and were now working together to fight for the continued safety of the civilian ponies they were charged with. The two sisters walked briskly through the corridors of their castle, headed to the front gate.

Ditzy: Celestia was a fan of power walking.

“I can’t believe it’s come to this. I should have told Spike my plan. Perhaps it would have saved us all this turmoil.” Celestia said, shaking her head with regret plastered on her face.

Pinkie: It was a prank Luna played on her last night.

Luna nodded.

Ditzy: Retcon!

Doctor: Plan? Give me a break. You were crying and pleading like a small child.

“Not to mention Mother’s throne.” the dark blue alicorn used her magic to force the large doors that blocked their path open. Guards stood ready to take their positions around the princesses in order to protect them.

Pinkie: You never know when pirates might try to invade!

Doctor: True.

“So, what has Twilight’s research into this natural oil the Gryphons possess uncovered?” Celestia asked, changing the subject.

Doctor: (Pony) It doesn’t not mix well with water!

Ditzy: (Pony) They are very flammable. In fact, one platoon was wiped out because of a cigarette that wasn’t put out properly.

“It’s not much to go on. I believe she was preoccupied with another project at the time,

Ditzy: (Luna) She had to finish the latest chapter of her My Little Human fanfic by Friday.

but it appears that the Gryphons developed this immunity after the last war.

Ditzy: Immunity that doesn’t stop bricks thrown in their face.

That is to say they’re not totally immune, but highly resistant.

Pinkie: (Luna) It gives them +5 resistance to magic!

Further studies show that it is only high ranking Gryphons who possess this oil.” Luna replied, levitating a report from the unicorn.

Doctor: Only the most elite Gryphons get to dip in cooking oil.

“She makes it sound like Gryphons have developed their own magic.” Celestia commented, taking a deep breath as she entered the carriage that would take them to their next destination.

Pinkie: Off to Wacky Hut!

Luna stepped in after her and sat opposite her sister.

“Or they’ve borrowed magic from the dragons.” Luna suggested. This caused Celestia to shudder.

Doctor: The dragons have exceptionally high interest rates.

“A dreadful thought. But no, dragons aren’t the type to loan magic to creatures who have no prior experience with it.

Pinkie: They need a college degree at least!

They might loan it to ponies, but certainly not Gryphons.” Celestia concluded, but Luna didn’t sound very reassured.

“Doesn’t rule out the possibility it was stolen.

Pinkie: Stupid library ninjas! I try to warn Twilight about them, but she doesn’t believe me!

Immunity is basic dragon magic, take their love of lava for instance, they adapted the immunity for lava into their evolution.” she said.

Pinkie: (Celestia) And they breed perfect IVs into their elite warriors!

Celestia looked at the dark alicorn with a slightly bemused expression.

“Have you been hanging around those evolutionists again?” Celestia asked. Luna didn’t respond, but simply looked over the notes.

Doctor: (Celestia) Next they are going to convince you that you don’t really raise the moon!

“The elites shouldn’t be a problem for us, but I worry about the king. If his subordinates have this kind of magic protecting them from our own, then he must have something much stronger protecting him.

Ditzy: Again, doesn’t stop you from throwing a building at him.

Pinkie: (Celestia) His final boss form might be too much for us!

He struck me as the high and mighty type, a bit like Trixie mixed with Chrysalis.” Luna said. Celestia tried to put two and two together.

Doctor: (Celestia) Wait, who’s Trixie?

“A crude, but accurate comparison.” she commented. “You said Twilight was busy with another project. Do you know what it was?” Luna examined her paper for any indication.

Ditzy: (Luna) A lemon fic about two humans called Elton and David.

“It mentions Spike and resurrection, but nothing else.”

“Spike died? How?” Celestia urged.

Doctor: Good question. The fics never actually answered that.

“Cadence mentioned in her letter that he…” Luna flicked through the pages, coming across one of her letters from their niece. “I can’t read that, what’s it say?” she revealed the letter to her sister.

“Crapped out? What does that mean?” she asked.

Pinkie: (Celestia) He died of nasty diarrhea?

Doctor: Ah, cholera.

“I believe it means he over exerted himself in some way, causing his body to fail.” Luna replied.

Doctor: And got a nasty infection in his bowels.

Celestia frowned at the letter. “Shining Armour might be a bad influence when it comes to Cadence’s vernacular.”

Pinkie: Gazoontite.

Twilight awoke a few hours after her tension relief session with Spike,

Doctor: Spike gave the best back massages.

feeling refreshed and… surprisingly chipper. She saw him sleeping peacefully beside her, his arms wrapped around her in a loose embrace. That made it easy for her to slip out of the bed and sneak out of the room. She’d planned to make him breakfast in bed, since the first time she’d done it since seeing him was a huge cock-up.

Pinkie: It was barely edible.

Ditzy: Didn’t we already do that joke?

She closed the door and made her way to the kitchen. With the war still raging on throughout Equestria, Twilight and the others had taken the time to rebuild the necessities of the ancient Castle of the Pony Sisters in the Everfree forest, where they now resided.

Doctor: After getting into wacky antics involving the various hidden passages and traps that reside in the castle.

The lavender mare was surprised to see all her friends present, including Cadence, Big Mac, Cheerilee and the Cutie Mark crusaders.

Ditzy: Oh right! The only ponies in Ponyville you bothered saving.

Her circle of close personal friends had widened since the war. She considered that the silver lining.

Pinkie: Um, they’re weren’t already?

Every pony turned to see her enter the room. “Good morning Twilight.” they all said in unison.

Pinkie: Creepy.

Twiight smiled, and chuckled nervously as she walked into the kitchen area to prepare breakfast.

Ditzy: Great, the Gryphons are probably using mind control on them or something.

“Are you alright, darling? You seem rather… clumsy this morning. Everything alright with Spike?” Rarity asked. Twilight tripped and went head first into a few pots and pans.

Doctor: Finally, some actual humor.

Ditzy: I would savor it if I were you.

“I’m fine! Fine!” she said. Her hindquarters were burning, but she liked it.

Pinkie: Spike was into spanking!

It proved to her that is wasn’t all a dream.

Doctor: Most people usually go with pinching themselves.

Rarity entered the kitchen and leaned against the entrance.

“Twilight, dear. I do believe you have a certain glow about you. Could it be that our little bookworm has finally… forgive my pun… lost the plot?” Twilight smiled sheepishly

Pinkie: (Twilight) Yeah! I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

and giggled with foolish enthusiasm. Rarity gasped in glee as she found herself correct about her intuition.

Ditzy: They decided to go to Ponypedia latter to clear up their confusion.

“Ooh, give me the details. I want to live vicariously through you when it comes to Spike.” she said. Twilight took a moment to process the statement before shrugging off the last bit as harmless.

Doctor: After slowly moving away from Rarity.

“Let’s just say that if I don’t get pregnant, I’m infertile.” she giggled at Rarity afterwards.

Pinkie: Tisk tisk not using protection.

Ditzy: Little did Twilight know about Spike and Scalia’s long and difficult pregnancy troubles.

The white mare wore a look of pride as she flung her hoof over Twilight’s shoulder.

Doctor: (Rarity) I thought you would die alone darling.

“That’s marvellous, Twilight. I’m so proud of you. What was it like?” Twilight knew Rarity was trying her best to be subtle,

Doctor: If you spell subtle with capital letters.

but her loins apparently wanted her to rush the job. Twilight indulged her and explained in detail every sensation she got from the experience.

Ditzy: (Twilight) And then he started crying saying that this usually doesn’t happen.

When she’d finished, Rarity was staring at the other unicorn with dopey eyes and one ear lower than the other.

Doctor: I think her brain broke.

“Whoa…” she said, trailing off as her imagination took her. Twilight lifted a brow.

“I hope you’re not daydreaming about sleeping with my coltfriend.” she threatened. Rarity snapped out of her trance and blushed at the lavender mare.

Pinkie: (Rarity) I would rather watch you two do it.

“So where is he now?” she asked. Twilight giggled once more.

“Asleep. He was a busy boy after all.

Pinkie: Having to work 2 jobs to pay the rent!

But it’s funny, he has the most vivid dreams.

Doctor: Like the one where Twilight got him pregnant.

I remember he told me about this one dream; he was being chased around the library by a large pair of horse shoes.” Rarity laughed as she followed Twilight back to the room with Spike’s breakfast.

Pinkie: Hey! Don’t mock Spike’s fear of horse shoes!

Ditzy: How does the author even know about that?

The two crept into the room, being careful not to wake the subject of their talk. Twilight placed the food down on the bedside table and smiled at Rarity. To their laughter, Spike awoke with a fidget.

Doctor: And accidently spilled his breakfast all over him.

“I’m drownin’ in footwear!” he mumbled as his mind began to work around the reality.

“Weird dream.” he said before noticing the ponies in the room with him. “Rarity, darling! It’s been far too long.” he began, holding out a claw to the mare. Rarity took it happily and shook it.

Pinkie: (Spike) Girl, we need to go to the spa later and catch up! You need to tell me every juice thing that has happened!

“Well he’s certainly an improvement on the ass that came back to us. Boy never had an unexpressed thought.” she said to Twilight.

Pinkie: What? Who are they talking out?

Ditzy: I don’t know. There haven’t been any donkeys in the story.

“Actually, I’m having one right now.” he replied. Rarity smiled at him and patted his head.

Pinkie: Good Spikey-Wikey. Good boy!

“Welcome back, Spikey-Wikey.” she said, leaving Twilight alone with him again. There was a moment’s silence between them. Oh Celestia! It’s weird. They thought to themselves.

“Got you some breakfast.” Twilight mentioned, offering him the tray.

Pinkie: (Spike) Thank you! Nom nom nom.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Why are the eating tray?

Spike thanked her and patted the bed next to him. Twilight obliged and leaned into him.

Doctor: (Twilight) You’re using this cologne again? You smell like used dish towels.

Pinkie: (Spike) Hey! It’s a stalliony scent!

“I suppose you should know, the war’s still ongoing. Both sides are losing numbers, but it’s too many one our side and not enough on theirs.” she said.

“I wasn’t aware that by the end of the war, there had to be an even kill count.” he said sarcastically as he kissed her on the head and took a bite of his breakfast;

Doctor: (Spike) Mmmm….it’s..really…(cough)...good…(cough)..Twilight! Really.. yummy!

waffles, his favourite other than gems. Twilight huffed.

“Oh, by the way, how did you figure out how to bring me back?” he asked with a mouth full of waffle.

Pinkie: (Spike) Why the hay do they taste like paint and rusty nails?

Twilight ignited her horn and a book appeared in a flash. She levitated it over to Spike who took it with interest. His eyes widened.

Ditzy: It was her latest fanfic.

“Wingblade’s Grimoire?! Twilight, where did you find this? Wingblade was like the dragon’s Starswirl the Bearded.” Spike opened the book and read the first few lines in his head.

Pinkie: (Spike) I have been looking forever for this book on Ebay!

“The book was in the castle. He’d hidden it here after the fall of Luna over a thousand years ago.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Ugh, I had to go through like 30 death trap to get this thing.

“She.” Spike interrupted. Twilight looked at the dragon inquisitorially.

“Pardon?” she asked.

“She; Wingblade was a female.” he replied, flicking through the pages.

Ditzy: (Spike) It’s so sexist you immediately thought Wingblade was male.

Twilight watched him with mild amusement as he seemed at peace with himself, even after hearing about the war and its condition.

Doctor: It’s not like you gave him much details.

“Can you understand the language?” she asked, looking at him with great enthusiasm.

Pinkie: (Spike) Language? It’s the hoofwriting that’s the problem!

Spike smiled and looked back at Twilight.

“Let’s find out.” he hopped off of the bed, downed the rest of his breakfast

Pinkie: (Spike) Ugh, that was a mistake.

and rushed out the room with Twilight close behind. They ran together through the recently kempt corridors of the ancient palace until they came to a clearing. To their surprise, a Chimera was grazing down below.

Doctor: (Chimera) If you didn’t cause us to lose that deer we would have something better to eat!

Ditzy: (Chimera) Me!? It’s her fault! She’s the one that got caught in that tree!

Doctor: (Chimera) And that won’t have happened if you didn't play with our food!

Spike grinned at the creature as it looked up at them.

Pinkie: It was an old friend!

“Alright, let’s see how this works… Here! A spell to improve magical intensity;

Ditzy: It was called Tarukaja.

I’m assuming that could be displayed mostly with shielding and attack based spells or possibly allow temporary self-sustainability.” he said. Twilight went over the script as Spike showed her the passage and nodded.

Pinkie: Uh, what?

Doctor: It makes it easy for things to go boom.

Pinkie: Oh, why didn’t you say so?

“Looks legitimate. How are we going to test it?” as she spoke, another chimera entered their line of sight. Now with the attention of both chimeras, the couple smiled to each other.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I wonder if they like mustaches.

“Daguam!” Spike said. A barrier appeared around the area the chimeras were in, preventing escape. “Okay, now you fire a spell at that one on the left, just enough to graze him.”

Pinkie: That’s not very nice!

Doctor: Our heroes! Attacking defenceless wildlife for no reason.

Ditzy: I have a bad feeling about this.

Twilight complied with his command, her eyes shifting to the darkened and corrupted appearance that she had recently grown used to in her latest researches.

Ditzy: Again. Why they they using the same magic that got Spike killed?

Doctor: Sure, play around with dark magic. What could possibly go wrong!?

Pinkie: Aren’t they worried about getting Cholera? Or, whatever happened to him?

Twilight then pointed her horn towards the chimera on the left and fired a single bolt of dark magic towards it. The bolt struck true and bowled the creature over.

All: Strike!

Spike then held the Grimoire in his hands and recited the incantation with Twilight in mind.

“Tairais wer arcaniss di nomeno drekim ini asildk.” he commanded.

Doctor: (Barely controlled laughter) The toilet paper is out, can you fetch me another?

Twilight’s body grew darker and her horn became sharper.

Doctor: (Spike) Ow! Watch where you are pointing that thing!

She tried the spell again and she almost ended up hitting the other chimera as her attack blast forth in an energy wave with an arc wider than the circumference of the palace’s towers.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Should we be standing in said tower while doing this?

As the smoke began to clear, the chimera that was the primary target lay there as a husk of burned flesh and bone.

All: …

Doctor: Our heroes!

Pinkie: Wha, how could you do that you meanie!?

Ditzy: I hope Fluttershy rips them a new one.

It’s body had been so badly destroyed that it couldn’t even be recognised as a Chimera. Spike smiled as he watched the reactions of the others.

Ditzy: Remember he’s good now!

Twilight was surprised by her own power, while the remaining Chimera looked at what remained of its fallen comrade with terrified eyes.

Doctor: (Chimera) We just wanted to catch up with an old college roommate!

Spike snapped the book shut and chuckled.

Pinkie: You deserve a timeout mister and think of what you have done.

He then handed the Grimoire to Twilight who opened it again and searched for another page that could improve upon the dragon’s magic.

Ditzy: ...You don’t care?!

“Tairais wer arcaniss di nomeno darastrix ini asildk.” she chanted. Spike grinned as he felt the energy within him surge and flow faster than his own blood. His body ached slightly as he leaned forward and extended both of his hands and opened his maw.

Twilight watched him with fascination clear in her eyes. To her, he was starting to look like a charging Velociraptor.

Ditzy: One with an incredibly doofy look on this face.

She began to think about how much he had changed over the years. Once a goofy baby dragon with a crush on an unattainable pony,

Ditzy: Spike is not goofy! He’s perfectly fine the way he is.

now the love of her life who both scared and excited her more than anything in Equestria.

Pinkie: That’s a really good start for a healthy relationship.

His change forced her to look back on how different she had become.

She knew she lost her sanity a few months back,

Doctor: She yelled at the pink elephants that lived upstairs in the castle to turn down their music.

just after he’d died, but it hadn’t affected their relationship in the slightest. If anything, it brought them closer;

Pinkie: See! Insanity should never get the way of friendships.

Doctor: And you would know.

Pinkie: Sure! Screw Loose and I are besties! We have the best chats!

for the darkness that Spike was revealing at that moment resonated with the dark magic Twilight had willingly adopted to bring him back. She knew that she would love him no matter what the outcome was.

Pinkie: It didn’t matter how many innocents he killed.

She was devoted, completely and utterly to him.

Ditzy: She loved that psychopath no matter what!

And it showed in her eyes when Spike’s energy flayed the ground beneath them, ruining the chimeras both alive and dead. The energy glowed with a dark violet that reflected in both their eyes.

Doctor: Energy that will eventually kill them with Cholera.

Ditzy: Yeah, what’s stopping that from happening again?

“The Gryphon king can’t stop us now.” Spike said as the heat rose from beneath them, creating that rippling effect in the air. Twilight smiled at him as she closed the book and kissed him with the affection she felt for him at that moment. The scenery was perfect; two evil lovers

Ditzy: Read that as losers for a moment there.

kissing with a fiery background that physically showed their joint love. It was a marvel to behold; one which the others revelled in as they stood in the shadows, smiling at the happy two. Gilda and Dash stood closer to each other as they empathised with the scene before them,

Ditzy: Dead chimeras! They were sentient too!

Doctor: That was a few minutes ago, who cares about that?

Scootaloo sitting between the two. Fluttershy stood beside Big Mac, slightly afraid of the picture before her, yet still proud of her friends nonetheless.

All: …

Pinkie: I’m starting to think this story isn’t very good at writing us.

Ditzy: Grrr….I give up!

Rarity and Sweetie Belle looked at each other and smiled as if they were match makers and had successfully brought a couple together.

Doctor: Sure they’re both going hopelessly insane, but it’s a cute scene.

Applebloom stood on Applejack and simply watched as she found the scene cooler than anything she’d read in any book.

Pinkie: The best heroes pointlessly hurt things and enjoy the suffering of others!

Cheerilee stood in the background of the group, watching carefully. While she knew everypony besides Gilda well, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she may have been better off with the Gryphons that surrounded her the day the war broke out.

Doctor: I hear ya.

Pinkie: They’re probably less cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Ditzy: That remains to be seen.

Twilight broke away from the kiss and stared into Spike’s moss green eyes.

“Nothing can.”

Pinkie: Gee, why don’t you just say ‘What could possibly go wrong’?

Ditzy: Ugh.

Pinkie: That was not what I expected.

Doctor: It never is.

Ditzy: Ugh, this might be worse than the first part.

Pinkie: Oh cheer up Ditzy! It gives us more to make fun of!

Ditzy: I’m going to enjoy tearing this thing apart!

Pinkie: That’s the spirit!

Doctor: That’s one way to look at it.

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“Come on Ditzy, don’t be so glum.” Pinkie exclaimed. Confetti shot from her hooves. “How about Aunty Pinkie gets you a cupcake and turns that frown upside down and then….a party!”

Ditzy smiled. “Thanks that would be nice. But we should really have the party after we finish our work. We should really get this place clean before anything else.”

“Can I at least get you a cupcake?” Pinkie asked hopefully.

“Sure thing.”

“Be right back!” Pinkie started dashing towards the kitchen.

“Mind if I join you?” The Doctor cut in. Pinkie stopped midair and landed the ground.

“Sure thing Timey!” Pinkie resumed towards the kitchen hopping all the way.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Ditzy gave the Doctor a knowing smile. The Doctor just rolled his eyes and followed Pinkie.

“Now Pinkie I have been...” The Doctor was interrupted by a deep and hard kiss. His eyes went wide as Pinkie kissed him. They fell to the ground sprawled on the floor with Pinkie on top of him.

“You’re a naughty boy luring me all alone.” Pinkie said seductively after she released her kiss. “Just think of all the things we could do!” She kissed him again.

When she stopped kissing him for the second time, she noticed he Doctor’s befuddled look and released him. “Oh, but that isn’t why you here. You want something else!”

The Doctor shook his head and regained his senses. He slowly stood back up. He was a little confused at Pinkie’s sudden turns. “Yes.” He started whispering. “I wanted to ask you about what you meant about giving us a way out.” He suddenly spoke louder. “I just wanted to know how thing were going on the surface. Things get interesting around Ponyville. There never seems to be a dull day.”

Pinkie gave a confused look until she gave the Doctor an exaggerated wink. He sighed at this. “Well, last month.” She suddenly whispered into the Doctor’s ear. “You didn’t find it? I hide it in one of the books. The one about gardening.” She suddenly spoke louder which hurt the Doctor’s ears. “We had a terrible termite invasion! They almost ate the whole town! Twilight accidently used a spell that made them giant!”

“Really?” The two small talked as Pinkie pulled some cupcakes out of the refrigerator and put them on a plate. Pinkie took the plate in her mouth and walked out of the kitchen with the Doctor following.

“Did you have a nice chat?” Ditzy asked when they entered the room. She was inspecting the Doctor’s old workroom. It was already cleaned and Ditzy was double checking it just in case.

“We had a really fun time! Cupcake?” Pinkie pointed the plate towards Ditzy. Ditzy picked one up and ate it gingerly.

“She was telling me about how Twilight almost destroyed the town with giant termites.” The Doctor said as he too took a cupcake.

“Really? That’s a riot!” Ditzy laughed.

“Timey, how about you clean the library while Ditzy and I work here?” Pinkie gave him an exaggerated wink. Ditzy tilted her head at this.

“Fine idea.” He took off towards the library with a bucket of disinfectant in his mouth. Clean rags laid on his back with yellow gloves to protect himself.

The library was small with few shelves. It was a pretty simple room. There was a reading desk in the middle of the left wall. Fortunately, the shelves and desk were made of holograms, so no real damage was done to them. However, many of the book got damaged by the flood water and were in the right corner of the room in a box to be disposed of later. The Doctor saw the book Pinkie was talking about in the pile of destroyed books. It was called EZ Gardening. He put the bucket down and moved towards the books.

“What a waste.” He said while skimming through the destroyed books. When he got to EZ Gardening he saw a small plastic bag. Inside it were a piece of paper and small microchip of some kind.

He read the note that was visible through the plastic bag. It said simply in neat articulate cursive writing, “Watch out. Not everything is what it seems. Dinky is just a pawn. Sorry, but that is all I can say. Spoilers and all that. Good luck.” It was signed “The Doctor”. He marveled at his future self’s foresight to put the bag’s content in a plastic bag. He wondered what the chip was and how Pinkie got her hooves on this. He quickly slipped the bag into his bowtie with his expert sleight at hooves. He doubted the camera would have seen it. His bowtie was bigger on the inside.

The Doctor pondered the message as he looked through the other destroyed books. The mysterious chip really bothered him. Why would he interfere with his past self like that? It has to be very important; otherwise he wouldn’t cross his own timeline like that. “Mysteries for another day.” He thought as he started cleaning the walls of the library.

“Twilight, dear. I do believe you have a certain glow about you. Could it be that our little bookworm has finally… forgive my pun… lost the plot?” Twilight smiled sheepishly and giggled with foolish enthusiasm.

Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 04

Hello again. Today we will be covering chapters 4,5,and 6 of Spread of Darkness. This is probably the best part of the story. Unfortunately, the next part is where things really go downhill. It’s all thanks to a certain OC. You’ll see.

I found another story that I will be doing. It’s called ‘The Wedding is Off!’ by xd77. You are going to love this story. What if Twilight’s friends never forgave her friends for turning on her in the Canterlot Wedding? Ah, but it gets better. Everyone in the world decides to punish the other members of the Mane 6, Celestia, and Shining Armor for what they did. Cadance leaves Shining, Celestia gets beaten up by a mob, Fluttershy’s animals abandon her, Rainbow Dash is banned from the Wonderbolts, and more! All for not siding with Twilight when she accused Fake!Cadance. It’s so over the top it’s hysterical. I am so looking forward to doing that one.

I also decided which story I am going to do next after Spread of Darkness. It’s going to be Kingdom of Monsters by hielispace. After that, I am probably going to go with Equus is Dying by Silver Nightshade. Then, well I will decide when I get there. You never know. I might find another good story to do.You’ll see. Anyway, on with the fic! Special thanks to Dark Angel AW for helping me edit this.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to The Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 18 - Part 1

The school bell went off and Cheerilee waved her class goodbye. “Don’t forget your five page essay on Haysses is due tomorrow!”

The fillies and colt ran out the classroom to play, do homework, or just hangout with their friends. The Cutie Mark left the classroom discussing the sleepover at Rarity’s they were going to have tonight.

“I can’t wait.” Scootaloo proclaimed. “Monster Movie Night is on!”

“I wonder what they’r goin’ to show this time.” Applebloom asked.

“I hope it is one with mummies. They’re the coolest!” Scootaloo jumped up and down enthusiastically.

“I want one with vampires!” Sweetie Belle said grinning. Vampires are her favorite. This got a groan from the other Crusaders.

“Really?” Applebloom rolled her eyes.

“What’s wrong with vampires?” Sweetie asked defensively.

“Ugh, they are so overdone.” Scootaloo said disgusted.

“Yea’ they’re so overdun it’s just plain ridiculous!”

“Are not!” Sweetie Belle shot back.

“Nopony cares about vampires anymore. Zombies are where it is at.” Scootaloo proclaimed.

“Zombies are just a less cool version of vampires!” Sweetie Belle replied haughtily.

“Are not!” This time Scootaloo shot back.

“What’s cool bout zombies is that they keep comin’. Kill one, and they’ll be ten to take its place!” Apple Bloom explained. Sweetie Belle just rolled her eyes.

“Boring. All they do is shuffling around. Vampires, they have style and class.”

“Yeah, when they glitter in sunlight.” Scootaloo smirked triumphantly.

“They aren’t really vampires and you know it!” Sweetie Belle shouted angrily.

“They call themselves vampires.” Scootaloo argued coolly.

“They don’t count!” Sweetie Belle shouted. This certain book always was a touchy subject to the little filly. “Real vampires are dark and cunning creatures that dwell in the darkness and prey on the living! See. Totally different.”

“Whatever.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I really hope they don’t show what they did last time. The Crusaders shuttered. It was this terrible movie old movie about a killer eye.

“Huh? Quick hide!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. The Crusaders jumped into a nearby bush.

“What is it?” Scootaloo whispered.

“Look who it is.” Apple Bloom pointed and the rest of the Crusader turned to look. Coming in their direction was Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Dinky. It looked like they were having an energetic conversation. They were laughing and even Dinky was smiling. She was the middle of a conversation with Diamond Tiara while Silver Spoon listened on in the background.

“I know right! The first anime of Scientist with Metal Arm, Leg, and Brother was so much better than the second one.” The Crusaders overheard.

“It was just too childish.” Dinky nodded.

“Right, I can’t believe ponies can’t see that. The first anime was so much more emotional and deep!” Diamond Tiara replied.

“Diamond Tiara likes anime?!” Sweetie Belle said aghast. She really didn’t like the fact that Diamond Tiara likes something she likes too.

“They seem to think that, because it’s closer to the manga, it suddenly makes it better.” Dinky pointed out.

Diamond Tiara gave out a small laugh. “Like it’s half as good as the manga.”

“At least the first anime didn’t give Fiery Mustang a horrible mustache!” Diamond Tiara and Dinky laughed at this.

“Are you sure you can’t come over? I’m going to marathon Peach.“ Diamond Tiara asked.

“Sorry, but I have something to do tonight.” Dinky said mournfully.

“Oh well.” Diamond Tiara shrugged.

“You could always ask Silver Spoon.” Dinky suggested.

“You know that not my scene.” Silver Spoon said pointedly.

“Oh well.” Diamond Tiara reassured.

“How about tomorrow?” Dinky asked.

“Fine, that works.” Diamond Tiara nodded. “I have these sweet figures I want to show you.”

The Crusaders watched as Dinky waved her friends goodbye. “Can you believe that?” Scootaloo said angrily.

“Yeah! Brotherhood is so much better than the first anime!” Sweetie Belle proclaimed.

Scootaloo facehoofed. “No, I mean about Dinky being so buddy-buddy with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara!”

“Oh, right.” Sweetie Belle said sheepishly.

“It’s gonna be like Babs all over again!” Apple Bloom proclaimed. The crusaders quaked in horror at the bad memories.

“Yeah, like think of all the evil things she’s gonna do!” Scootaloo said in horror. She imagined Dinky inventing an uncoolness ray with her super geniusness and using it on Rainbow Dash! It turned her into a carbon copy of Rarity and she didn’t even have wings! She shuddered at the thought of her idol saying “Darling”.

“I don’t know. Dinky doesn’t seem the type.” Sweetie just couldn’t picture Dinky being all evil like Scootaloo suggested.

“It’s true Dinky ain’t bad, but when Diamond Tiara gets through with her she’ll be completely different!”

“I suppose you're right.” Sweetie relented. “So, what should we do about it?”

“We should tell big sis about it!” Apple Bloom beamed. “She’ll nip the problem in the bud this time!”

“But, uh, doesn’t she have to bully us first?” Scootaloo pointed out. “We can’t report her for something she has done yet!”

“Oh, right.” Apple Bloom said crestfallen.

“I got it!” Scootaloo said triumphantly. “We should tell Dinky what bad news Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are!”

“Would that work?” Apple Bloom wondered. “She ain’t the biggest fan of ours.”

“Yeah, she seems to avoid us and scowls whenever we get near her.” Sweetie Belle pointed out gloomily.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat in silence with no idea how to tackle this problem. After a few minutes Sweetie Belle finally spoke. “The only thing we can do is watch and act if she starts getting mean!”

The other Crusaders nodded and looked crestfallen. Scootaloo brighten up. “So what do you think we should try to get our Cutie Marks today? I was thinking extreme sports!”

“That’s a great idea!” Apple Bloom cheered. “Maybe we could try scootering down a mountain!”

“I think I know this perfect cliff we can go off of!” Sweetie Belle chimed in.

“That’s awesome!” Scootaloo jumped up and down in excitement. “I’ll get my scooter!”

“Cutie Mark Crusader Extreme Sporters YAY!” The three fillies cheered and rushed off to their newest crusading adventure.

The Doctor was reclining in a chair drinking tea in the main meeting room. He was reading the ‘Of Mice and Ponies’. It was the book that Ditzy gave him for Hearth’s Warming. He just finished reading it for the second time. It was pretty much the exact same tale that he recalled from the human world. It always astounded the Doctor how much this Earth paralleled the one he loved back in his home universe.

“Poor Lennie, or in this case Strong Hoof. “ The Doctor sighed. “You just wanted a peaceful life.” He flipped the last page, read it, and set the book on the table.

He spent some time quiet just thinking to himself. The book put him in a solemn mood. He just sat there drinking his tea. His thoughts wandered for some time. Eventually he got back to the note and the computer chip he got a week ago from his future self. It puzzled him. He thought over the details over and over again. He wondered why his future self would interfere like that and not give him much to work with.

The Microchip was a dud. It was burnt out. It was a curious thing to give him. Part of him was glad he wasn’t given anything that would actually help him escape. That would be too easy. The question was how could he use his microchip to his advantage? He suspected that he would know when the time was right.

The note was equally useless and everything in it seemed pointless. He already suspected that everything was not as it seemed. He already suspected that Dinky was not the mastermind and already had a good hypothesis of her motives. Hearts and Hooves Day should confirm it. Why exactly still eluded him. This Star Shot, what was her motive though? Where they the same as Dinky’s or something else? He doubted it. His gut told him that something more was going on here.

“Not as it seems.” He repeated in his head. A thought suddenly struck him and he gave himself a mental slap on the head for not thinking of it sooner. What if the note was telling him that he still was on the wrong track? It was trying to say that he hasn’t even scratched the surface of what was going on here. It was trying to tell him his assumption and theories are based on lies and trickery. He was sure of it. It was certainly a rather roundabout way to tell him. He suspected it was written in such a cryptic way to annoy him. It was just like him to do that.

“What if…what if my assumption that this whole ordeal is about me is incorrect? That is what I naturally assumed because that is how it usually is, but what if it is about Ditzy all along?” The Doctor wondered. “Why would Star Shot or whoever she is working for want Ditzy here?”

The Doctor sighed. He needed more facts. He decided to wait and listen. He was going to wait until he had more data before making any hypothesis. He thanked his future self for reminding him to not jump to conclusions. It was such an amateurish thing for him to do. He was getting sloppy. All this free time was dulling him. He should really find a way to occupy himself instead of lying around and reading all day. He thought that maybe he should take up exercise. Not his first choice by any stretch of the imagination, but it would do. Painting doesn’t sound like such a bad idea either. Michelangelo and Marelangelo always told him he had a talent for it.

The Doctor looked at the clock. He had 20 minutes until the experiment starts. He sat back in the chair and waited. Ten minutes later Pinkie and Ditzy entered.

“Hiya Timey!” Greeted Pinkie with the nickname he never understood. It was true he first used the alias Time Turner when he first met her, but he had no idea why she made a nickname based off of that. At least it was better than Doc.

“Hey.” Ditzy waved. It looked like she just got out of the shower.

“Whatcha been up to?” Pinkie asked.

The Doctor shrugged. “Not much really. You?”

“I just did some exercising.” Ditzy replied.

“You should have seen her! That filly can move!” Pinkie piped in.

“Next time, maybe I could join you.” The Doctor stated.

Ditzy blinked. “Really? You’re getting off your lazy bum for once?”

The Doctor looked a little annoyed. “Well, yes. I thought it might do me some good.”

“Oooo oooo! We should have a race!” Pinkie suggested.

The Doctor smiled. ‘Sounds fun.”

“Sure, though you might have an advantage.” Ditzy gestured to her temporarily human body.

“I won’t be so sure.” The Doctor responded. “You have an advantage in short distances due to the fact that you have fewer legs to start moving.”

“Really?” Ditzy tilted her head.

“Yeah, you have less legs to start up!” Pinkie interjected. “Imagine if you had ten or sixteen legs or something! You would never get anywhere!”

“Huh.” Ditzy replied. “We can do it after the experiment.” Pinkie bounced in excitement.

“Hello my little test subjects.” The trio heard from the computer screen Dinky used to talk to them. Doctor noticed that Dinky sounded happier than usual. She usually sounded more businesslike.

“Oh hey.” Ditzy said simply. All the previous enthusiasm seemed to drain out of her.

“Hello Dinky!” Pinkie said happily. “Maybe you should join us for our race too!”

“Yes, it would be nice to see you for one.” The Doctor grinned. “I don’t know why you are taking such pains to disguise yourself.”

“Oh she’s just shy.” Pinkie explained.

“Afraid you’ll be recognized?” The Doctor asked.

“No, you have never seen me before.” Dinky replied. “My identity is of no importance.”

“Then why take such great pains to hide it?” The Doctor pointed out. “It seems to me, that you won’t so carefully hide every aspect of yourself without a good reason.”

“Maybe she has a deformed face and a hunchback?” Ditzy suggested.

Dinky didn’t say anything for a few moments. “No Ditzy. As I was saying it isn’t important. Anyway it is time for the experiment.” As the Doctor expected, she change the subject as a quick way to get out of topics she didn’t like. He didn’t mind however, she unintentionally gave him some useful hints.

“Today we will be reading….” Ditzy interrupted Dinky.

“The Spread of Darkness by The Grimm Reaper chapters four, five, and six right? Come one. Let’s get this over with.” Ditzy said impatiently.

“Yes, that’s right.” Dinky sounded a bit taken aback. “Enjoy.” Dinky gave out an evil laugh as the experiment alarm went off. The Doctor, Ditzy, and Pinkie rushed to the theater.

Chapter 4: Descent Into Darkness

“Prepare to fire!” called the Gryphon Commander. He led an entire battalion of his kind to Baltimare where they were in the process of taking Horse Shoe Bay. Things were going well. Those ponies were weak.

Pinkie: Who knew that surfer dudes can’t defeat an army!?

Unicorns proved ineffective against the soldiers he commanded that were of Lieutenancy or above.

Ditzy: Throw.bricks.in.their.face.

This Commander brandished steel armour polished to near perfection.

Doctor: (Soldier) The enemy is beating us back! What should we do!?

Pinkie: (Commander) Shut it! I’m polishing. Bug me some other time.

Doctor: (Soldier) B-but the enemy is almost on top….

Pinkie: (Commander) Didn’t you hear me? Get out of here maggot or you will clean this entire base with your tongue!

It wasn’t stylish like pony armour with jewels encrusted within, those were considered structural weaknesses.

Ditzy: Um, I’m pretty sure ponies don’t actually do that.

Pinkie: At least it better than their last idea to create solid gold armor.

Over his back rested a long light blade, which he had yet to draw.

Pinkie: He was out of pencils.

Doctor: (Sword) Draw me like one of your Griffon swords.

His forces advanced over the city like a tidal wave and were killing ponies from left to right, the orders commanded as such.

Doctor: Sounds like an incredibly inefficient way of killing someone.

Ditzy: (Soldier) Uh, sir. Won’t it be simpler and easier to just kill them where they stand?

Doctor: (Commander) I don’t make the rules soldier. Kill them from the left side to the right like ordered.

He stood on the jibboom of the sail ship as it made way toward the bay.

Pinkie: (Commander) I’m king of the world!

Despite the easy take-over that his forces were supplying, swarms of gryphons flew overhead to join in the fight with those on land.

Doctor: Right, in case those sea shells start mobilizing against you!

Ditzy: Ah, the common Griffon tactic of throwing giganto numbers at their target regardless of how much sense it makes.

Doctor: Apparently the Griffons think they are playing infinite troop mode.

“Commander Reave, Pony reinforcements are on their way. ETA is thirty minutes.” said one of the ship’s crew.

Pinkie: (Commander) ETA? I love the game!

“Send teams three and four to flank the ponies from the sides. Then send six to dive them. We should have control of Baltimare in five minutes.

Ditzy: So, is their some strategic value in taking this city or what? I don’t understand why they are putting so much effort in taking a pretty much defenceless city.

Doctor: It’s because they are evil! Logic and battle tactics be dammed.

Pinkie: It’s like Risk! You take one place at a time!

I’ll let you do the math and tell me how much time that will give us to prepare for the reinforcements.”

Doctor: (Soldier) The answer is 3.5 pi minutes sir.

Pinkie: (Reave) Prepare the tacos! They must be pretty hungry!

Reave replied, turning his head to the crewman. The right side of his beak was scarred, like he’d been in a skirmish with a Timberwolf.

Pinkie: He actually got in when he fell down the stairs as a colt.

His right eye was foggy, indicating he was blind on that side.

Ditzy: It made him a command target for pranks.

“Yes, Commander.” The gryphon flew back onto the ship to relay the command given to them. Meanwhile, Reave looked back at the country and squinted as he hoped to make out a very specific face.

Doctor: Photo Finish?

Ditzy: Fleur Dis Lee?

Pinkie: Twilight’s mom?

Doctor and Ditzy: (Look at Pinkie)

Pinkie: What?

“Gilda…” he sighed.

Ditzy: (Reave) Why can’t you be the murderous psychopath your mom was?

Gilda awoke with a start. She’d had a nightmare, quite common these days.

Ditzy: Well, I suppose Luna has been busy with the war.

She turned to the happily dreaming Rainbow Dash and sighed.

PInkie: (Gilda bitter) I bet she’s having a dream with cake in it!

“Lucky.” she muttered, sliding off of the bed they shared.

Pinkie: Alright! A slumber party!

She looked for Scootaloo but remembered she’d spent the night with her ‘crusader’ friends. The term ‘dweeb’ entered her mind as she thought of the name of their group, but she was hardly one to judge.

Ditzy: That hasn’t stopped you before.

She rubbed the side of her face, gently scratching an itch at the base of her beak. She made her way out of the room and set for the kitchen. Nightmares always made her thirsty.

Doctor: Particularly the ones where she was drowning.

She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. With precision, she unscrewed the lid and chugged the contents down.

All: (Cheer and clap)

Ditzy: (Whistles)

Pinkie: Way to go!

She was very thirsty.

“Dad…” she sighed.

“You don’t talk much about your family, do you?” a voice spoke in the darkness, causing Gilda to jump and trip up.

Doctor: Cue comedic pratfall sound effect.

Pinkie: And the screaming cat sound!

She searched around for the owner of the voice. Spike emerged with his arms crossed and a brow raised.

Pinkie: (Spike) Who were you expecting? Santa Hooves?

“Yeah, well neither does Dash. I don’t see you dweebs asking her about her old folks.” Spike offered his hand which Gilda took aggressively.

Doctor: (Spike whiny) Ow, you’re hurting me!

“We pretty much got the idea of Dash immediately after meeting her. Runaway, right?” he asked. Gilda nodded.

Ditzy: Um, Rainbow has always been pretty open about her parents actually.

“Yeah, that’s Dash. I guess that’s me too. But I’m not as tough as she is.

Ditzy: (Gilda) I don’t eat nails for breakfast.

Doctor: (Spike) I’ve never understood that.

I always went back to my old man. Not this time though. Now I’m stuck with renegades.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) I knew I should have gone Paragon.

Spike listened to Gilda’s words with a sympathetic ear.

Ditzy: While thinking of Twilight’s flank.

“Where did I leave my violin?” he asked as he knelt down to her level and placed his hand on her shoulder.

Ditzy: Spike’s a giant?

Doctor: Oh, right. The last story did establish that. Sort of.

Pinkie: Maybe Gilda shrunk?

“You say you’re stuck here with us, but do you think you’d have had the chance to pursue your relationship with Rainbow Dash after the war?” he asked. Gilda drew back a bit.

Pinkie: (Spike) Dash loves the military type.

“And why couldn’t I?” Spike raised two fingers.

All: Claws.

“One, after the war, the tension between your two species would… complicate things.

Doctor: So...what?

Ditzy: Well, I suppose ponies might start thinking of Griffons as genocidal lunatics.

Two, this is war. People die every day and who’s to say either one of you would survive?

Doctor: You’re a real ray of sunshine.

I don’t doubt your abilities,

Pinkie: (Spike) But your air combos could use some work.

but remember that while you’re both fast, you’re not invincible.”

Ditzy: (Spike) They don’t have that powerup on this map.

He rose back to his full height

Ditzy: And hit the ceiling.

and walked away, leaving Gilda to her drink.

“Perhaps instead of considering it a prison,

Doctor: (Spike) We refer to it as a reformatory.

you can think of it as a one way ticket to Runnersville.

Pinkie: (Spike) Sorry we don’t offer refunds. All purchases are final.

You said you always went back, well like you also said; not this time.”

Gilda watched as Spike seemed to disappear in the shadows.

Pinkie: It’s too bad the effect was wasted because of how loud he was.

Ditzy: (Spike) Ow! Who put that bucket there!?

Even the sound of his feet clacking against the stone ground ceased and she wondered if he was waiting for another sleepless being to emerge so he could scare the hell out of them too.

Pinkie: If you can’t use dark powers for pranks, what use are they?

She looked down to the drink in her talon and sighed.

Doctor: She really hated mineral water.

Spike wasn’t wrong. She was with the one she desired. Though war brought their two species further apart, it brought her and Dash closer together. The silver lining in the dark cloud.

Ditzy: A perfect metaphor for this fic!

Shining Armour led the reinforcements to Baltimare, but as he arrived, he’d discovered the city completely devoid of any pony life.

Doctor: Remember, the Griffons are evil.

Ditzy: Okay, the portrayal of Griffons is starting to get offensive.

Gryphons had taken the city. Knowing a confrontation to be pointless, he made to order the retreat, but the battalion had been spotted easily.

Doctor: (Shining) How many times do i have to tell you to not play the bugle horn until I say so!

“Alright, defend yourselves! I want spears and Shields over our heads, Unicorns covering the outer ring. We’re going to do it old style!” he said.

Doctor: (Soldier) When tactics were right. In my day we had proper tactics that got things done right! None of the fancy junk that’s done today! I doubt youngins have any idea how defend themselves from hordes of Griffons nowadays!

Every pony in his command complied and began to make a dome around the group like a giant turtle shell.

Pinkie: (Eager) Are they going to start rolling around?

The unicorns erected barriers around the shell to reinforce it.

Doctor: That’s going to last about two seconds.

Ditzy: Won’t it make more sense to cover it with spikes or something sharp instead?

As the skirmish began, the guards were hit with a wave of beaks and talons.

Pinkie: The Griffons tore them off and threw them at them.!

Shining was pushed against his fellow soldiers, their bodies being crushed by the sheer force of their attackers.

Ditzy: (Shining) So….does anypony know how to teleport?

He thought he might have made a difference, might have somehow managed to save some civilians, somepony. But he was losing more soldiers to the enemy, something he scarcely did.

Ditzy: Sorry Shining. Only Spike can do anything in this fic!

“Twiley…” he groaned as his body was beginning to break under the pressure of his comrades who had grown scared under the pressure, both emotional and physical.

Twilight awoke with a piercing scream. She knew it wasn’t a dream, but magical observation.

Ditzy: She can do that now apparently.

Pinkie: How convenient!

Spike was in the room like a bolt of lightning. He held her hoof in his hand and squeezed it tightly, trying to distract her from the dream. She’d awoken with darkness pouring out of her eyes along with tears.

Pinkie: She’s sprung a leak!

“Twilight, what is it?” Spike asked, hearing the others entering the room out of concern.

“Shining Armour… he’s losing the battle in…Baltimare. Spike!” she leaned over to her dragon and squeezed him tightly.

Ditzy: (Spike) It was probably nothing. Let’s bang to get you mind off of him!

Doctor: (Twilight) But I’m really worried for him!

Ditzy: (Spike) I’ll do...the thing.

Doctor: (Twilight) I'm ready and raring to go!

“Baltimare, that’s not far from the forest.” Cadence said, beginning to worry for her husband.

Doctor: Isn’t that past Dodge Junction?

Pinkie: Yeah, that’s miles miles miles miles away from Ponyville!

“Are you kidding? You’ve got mountains in your way and Rambling Rock Ridge to deal with. We wouldn’t get there in time to help them.” Dash began.

Doctor: Thank you. A real fact.

Ditzy: Why do they just suddenly believe the dream to be true?

Twilight ignored their comments and began to force magic into her horn.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Get in there right now!

Spike said nothing as he released her and pulled Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Gilda and Big Mac towards him and Twilight.

“The rest of you stay here.” he ordered. Before the other ponies could protest, Twilight had forced herself and the others to teleport to Baltimare,

Doctor: Only to end up in Baltimore by mistake.

leaving Rarity, Fluttershy and the others behind to await the news. Cadence broke down at that instant, worried for her husband and sister in-law.

Doctor: They forgot their toothbrushes and toiletries.

“Don’t worry none, Princess. Twilight’s got Spike, and Mr. Armour’s got mah sister, brother and Twilight and Spike to protect him.” Applebloom said, patting Cadence’s leg tenderly.

Doctor: (Apple Bloom) He probably hasn’t been torn limb from limb by bloodthirst Griffons.

“Thank you, Applebloom. You’re right; nothing will stop them. I just have to wait for Shining to return. Fluttershy can heal him so he can return to duty better than ever.”

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Um, I’m not a, um, pony doctor. I only treat animal. You should, um, really a get a professional.

The group had broken up

Pinkie: Dang B.B.B.F.F. was my favorite band!

and Shining was running on three legs. One of his hooves had been broken and he was brandishing a spear in his teeth. He felt Death’s door knocking and he could have sworn he’d seen a tall Stallion like himself just standing on the horizon, waiting for him to reach the end of his life.

Ditzy: Oh hey Death! Would you like to go out for some curry later?

He knew it was death himself waiting for he could see the same Stallion everywhere he looked, moving like the Slendermane legend.

All: Never heard of it.

Shining tripped on the body of one of his fallen comrades and skidded along the ground. His broken hoof bobbed up and down as he slid along, giving him great stings of pain with every movement the thing made. He stopped on his back and looked up. Gryphons stood over him, as did death himself, looking over with impartial eyes at him. He expected Death to be black,

Pinkie: (Death) Black is so out of season!

but this Stallion was grey, almost white with a blonde mane and golden eyes like a dragon’s.

Ditzy: Shouldn’t he be a skeleton?

He watched Death as a spear came down on him.

Pinkie: (Shining) Uh, a little help here?

Time slowed down for the guard captain and he watched as Death broke eye contact and looked ahead of himself. He cracked a smile before vanishing like a wisp of smoke. Time resumed

Ditzy: Soshite, toki wa ugokidasu!

and Shining felt the spear enter his chest. He cried out as he saw the gryphon that had impaled him get thrown back by some strange magical force. But magic didn’t work on these gryphons. He thought.

Pinkie: Yeah, what’s with that?

Ditzy: It works if a Mary Sue is doing it.

Pinkie: Oooooooo.

The others abandoned their prey and looked in the same direction Death had before they too were felled.

Moments passed before somepony entered his field of vision. He was relieved to see his younger sister standing by him, but something was wrong.

Doctor: (Shining) Did you get a haircut?

She didn’t look like his Twiley.

Pinkie: (Shining) Hmmm. I don’t remember her having scales.

She was dark and corrupted, like King Sombra. He hadn’t seen Twilight in a year, but the changes were so drastic. She looked like a monster.

Pinkie: She even had tentacles!

Her friends seemed somewhat corrupted themselves, as though continued exposure to her had darkened their hearts and perceptions on the realities of Equestria.

Ditzy: They starting writing emo poetry about it.

“Shining!” Twilight exclaimed. With her magic, she forced the spear out of her brother’s chest and pressed against the open wound.

Doctor: No! You are suppose to leave it in! You will only cause more damage and increase the bleeding!

Tears began to strew down her face as she felt her brother’s life fading away.

Ditzy: Couldn’t they just bring him back to life with the spell Twilight used?

Spike made his way to her and looked at the scene. Thoughts began to enter his mind. They weren’t like the average thoughts he was used to.

Pinkie: Why I am thinking about fire hydrants at a time like this? They haven’t nothing to do with anything!

They were simple, primal at best.

Doctor: (Spike) Uh, Spike hungry. Spike use club on purple one and make her mate.

Twilight was crying. Shining Armour was dying. One caused the other. So what caused the one? Gryphons. Gryphons were to blame. “They made her cry.”

Doctor: (Slow clap)

Ditzy: You figured it out! Good for you Spike!

Pinkie: (Sniffs) They grow up so fast.

Spike’s body worked of its own accord.

Pinkie: It started jazzercising!

He could feel the anger welling up inside him as though he were about to be sick. He shook his head, growling. This caused a headache and be gripped his head as cessation of movement failed to relieve his pain. He couldn’t help but move in order to try and lessen the pain, but whatever he moved began to burn like a fire in his body. He looked around, his eyes resting on the gryphons. The instant he made eye contact, his mind snapped and he fell into a state of undiluted rage.

Ditzy: It’s a waste of rage if you don’t add water to it.

His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his scales opened up like flaps. A dense black smoke escaped from his body and surrounded him.

Pinkie: (Spike) Ugh, what did I eat last night to cause that?!

It spread to engulf Twilight and Shining Armour, creating a visual barrier to protect them from the oncoming gryphons.

Pinkie: Uh, won’t that be useless with the antimagic whatever?

Ditzy: Mary Sue powers remember?

Pinkie: Oh, right. Duh.

Spike’s eyes glowed from within the darkness and from the looks of things he was staring daggers at the enemies that had caused Twilight’s tears. He left the smoky barrier and revealed himself to all. His body was slicked with a black tar-like surface that seemed to act as a physical manifestation of his self.

Doctor: It had the side effect of making him slip all over the place.

He clenched his fists and took a deep breath. And with a flex of his great muscles, he cried in agony and rage.

Doctor: The headache was getting worse.

Author's Note: Just to clarify, I tried to describe Spike's dark tar-like surface as best I could. My goal was to compare it to Venom from Spider Man 3.

Ditzy: That crappy movie nopony likes?

Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 05

Chapter 5: Pissed Off

Pinkie: Spike is cheesed off and won’t take it anymore!

The scream deafened the Gryphons’ ears as this dark dragon opposed them. They all squeezed their eyes shut and grabbed the sides of their heads, trying to drown the sound out.

Doctor: (Griffon) It sounds like a dying cat!

The time was then. Spike threw his arms in the air

Pinkie: Like he just don't care!

and tar-like tentacles, almost strings of thick web extended from his body and wrapped around each Gryphon, sticking to them.

Ditzy: (Griffon) What are these?! Dragon boogies?

Their wings were caught and they began to descend. But that wasn’t good enough for Spike.

Ditzy: Right he needs to dismember something.

Doctor: No pointless violence? Don’t be silly!

Pinkie: Is he going to start wearing Griffons heads as hats now?

Doctor: Probably.

He grabbed his end of the webs

Ditzy: Spider-Spike, Spider-Spike, does whatever a spider does!

and ripped them down, causing the Gryphons’ descents to double in speed.

Doctor: You...sure show them?

A dense cloud of dirt erupted from the ground as the Gryphons landed,

Pinkie: They left a Griffon shaped hole in the ground.

most likely dead.

Ditzy: Now they will come back as cyborgs seeking revenge!

Doctor: Never assume someone is actually dead. This is coming from experience.

Pinkie: Even then.

Twilight dragged her brother out of the thick black cloud of smoke

Doctor: (Shining) Ow, ow. Why can’t you use your magic?!

Ditzy: (Twilight) Opps, sorry.

Spike had made as a visual shield and brought her to Applejack and Big Mac. She snuck a glance at Spike who looked back. His expression was unreadable under the gooey exterior of his body.

Pinkie: Was it (Stretches her face out) like this? (Stretches her face another way) Or like this?

His eyes were burning hot as tar went to creep onto them,

Doctor: (Spike) Gah my eyes! It burns!

but burned into black smoke that rose to the sky. With a deeply distorted voice, he addressed the group.

Pinkie: (Spike) Can somepony call a doctor please? I’m in a lot pain! My eyes are really badly burned. Oh Celestia the pain! Please anypony!

“Go back, now.” he said,

All: What? I can’t understand you!

turning back to the Gryphons. Twilight wasted no time complying with his order.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Alright Griffons! Let’s dance!

She forced magic into her horn,

Ditzy: Why did they even come at all if they aren’t going to actually do anything!

Doctor: (Sighs) Typical.

Pinkie: They’re...mortal support?

some of it growing dark. Something changed. Her spell was different.

Doctor: It turned them into potted plants.

Instead of a bright flash forcing them out of the area,

Ditzy: It only teleported them facing the other direction!

a dome of dark energy surrounded them and seemed to cut into the ground. They disappeared as the dome grew darker and reappeared in front of the still waiting group. Cadence rushed over to her husband and looked at him with a mixture of fear and anger.

Ditzy: (Cadance) That jerk didn’t pay the cable bill on time!

Commander Reave stepped off of his ship to revel in his victory,

Ditzy: (Reave) Bring out all the booze you can! It’s party time!

but it was put on hold as something new arrived and threatened their hold on the bay. He ducked his head as one of his soldiers was thrown at him. The soldier screamed his lungs out as he went flying past, hitting the ship’s crewman behind Reave.

Doctor: It created a comedic bowling pin falling noise.

“What the?” he asked calmly as he focused his eyes on the target. A strange black creature, draconic in nature was firing some sort of sticky substance at the Gryphons and grounding them, permanently. The Commander growled and issued his next orders.

Pinkie: (Reave) Run away! Run away!

“Alright! Bombard the dragon with all our forces at once. He can’t get all of us.”

Doctor: That is your answer to everything.

Ditzy: Don’t think! Atack! Atack! Atack! Atack! Atack! Atack! Atack! Atack!

every Gryphon under his command nodded and complied with his command,

Pinkie: They ran at him arms flailing wildly!

taking to the sky. As they flew off, he whispered to the crewman. “Prepare to head back out to sea.” the crewman looked at the Commander with an expression of surprise and disgust.

Pinkie: (Reave) I’m sure you can handle this, later!

However, he did as he was told and spread the word.

Doctor: (Soldiers) We’re executing plan ‘Pee ourselves and run for the hills’.

Spike threw down the last of the group of Gryphons and looked ahead to the tidal wave of feathers headed his way.

Pinkie: (Spike) Oh poopy, out of PP.

He realised they were going to flood him with soldiers.

Doctor: Instead of coming up with some sort of plan to corner or disable him. Or at least look for weaknesses first.

In the distance, he noticed a ship preparing to leave the port. One Gryphon in particular was glaring at him, trying to get a read of his skills. Spike grew furious.

Pinkie: (Spike) There’s are two things I can’t stand, pears and cowards!

That one Gryphon was the cause of all this, he was the source of Twilight’s tears.

Ditzy: Um, isn’t it the Griffon King’s for starting this stupid war in the first place?

With an ear-splitting screech, Spike challenged everything in hearing range.

Pinkie: (Spike) And I'm taking you down, I'm taking you down, I'm taking you out, I'm taking you out and I'm taking you out, for dinner. Wait, no. What am I saying? I have Twilight.

The Gryphons continued to pursue him. It was then that they all lost.

Ditzy: He drew all five pieces of Exodia.

Spike stretched his arms out in front of him.

Ditzy: Spike is Dhalsim.

He opened his mouth and concentrated his energy in the dead centre between his head and hands. A black ball of pure condensed energy began to form out of nowhere,

Pinkie: Why can’t it be pink? Black is sooo boring.

Ditzy: It’s a dark fic. Everything has to be black.

green lightning flickering around it.

All: (Gasps)

Doctor: Actual color? Well I’ll be.

It grew in size until it was almost double his own. The Gryphons began to panic as they wondered what the next step was. Most hoped that thing wasn’t going to be fired at them.

Pinkie: (Griffon) That’s it! He going to throw it in the air to make cool fireworks! No need to worry at all.

The ball of energy began to shrink, growing even more condensed until it was little bigger than a baseball.

All: (Hum Charge Theme)

There was a pause as the Gryphons waited for the end result, stunned into motionlessness. Spike began to open his mouth wider, his cheeks tearing at the motion.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gah! Why must my powers be so painful?

The gryphons flinched at the sound.

With a mouth wider than an alligator,

Pinkie: But without teeth like Gummy!

Spike closed it over the ball of energy and swallowed it whole.

Pinkie: (Spike) Mmmmm. Tastes like raspberry!

His targets looked confused, but all was explained as Spike became rigid.

Doctor: He accidentally killed himself again.

Pinkie: What was he expecting to happen?

He seemed to be having difficulty moving as he went on all fours and lowered his head down to the ground.

Ditzy: (Spike) Ugh, I’m so stiff. I should have taken up Rarity’s offer to go to the spa!

Smoke escaped the corners of his mouth.

“Retreat!” called one of the gryphons.

All: Run away! Run away!

Within a second, they were all beginning to scatter, scared of what might happen now Spike had given himself a power boost.

Pinkie: What? I thought he was just doing it for a snack!

The dragon inhaled deeply and began to roar at them all, but instead of sound,

Doctor: He spit all over the place.

the energy came flowing out in a massive wave that hit the ground, propelling the dragon into the air and spreading out in a wave flooding everything in destructive energy within a mile radius.

Doctor: Oh, that’s why the author killed everyone in the town. So Spike could destroy the town with no moral repercussions.

Ditzy: Celestia forbid he actually fights them or is challenged.

Pinkie: Huh, one would think their would have been an easier way of doing that. Like a super yell or something.

A mushroom cloud formed on the bay, and even at the distance they had covered, Reave could hear the agonised cries of his fallen soldiers. He shuddered at the sound, closing his eyes to the scene behind him.

Doctor: He went to his happy place and forgot everything going on around him.

“Plot a course… home. I need to tell the King about our discovery.”

Pinkie: (Reave) We finally solved why foals love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

“Yes, si–.” the crewman was cut off as something large and black landed on him and went through the deck.

Doctor: Spike threw an anvil on him.

Reave was stunned for a moment before going to look in the hole that had been made. At first, he could see nothing through the darkness, but a pair of white eyes flashed open after a few seconds and lunged at him.

Ditzy: I thought they were covered in tar.

The Gryphon Commander reared his head back quickly, narrowly missing a talon that threatened to take his other eye. In an instant, he drew his sword and prepared to meet the intruder.

Doctor: (Reave) On guard foul beast!

He was surprised to find the same dragon that had just destroyed his battalion within the minute, but he didn’t let that stop him from challenging the creature.

Pinkie: He pretty sure he could take Spike out no worries. Well, 50 percent sure. Make that 18 percent. Okay, 4 percent. Fine, he was convinced he was going to die, but he tried to not let that bother him.

Spike purred at the chance to avenge Twilight’s sorrow and wasted no time with a simple duel between himself and the armed Commander.

Ditzy: He used his Limit Break right away.

He looked around at the ship and decided it would be easier just to let them all drown.

Doctor: Spike was getting lazy in his genocidal madness.

He lurched his body forward, the black substance from his body striking everything. Every Gryphon’s wings were trapped under the tar-like substance, unable to move. The dragon smiled before jumping back in the hole. There was a loud roar, then a smashing sound. Soon after, the crew all noticed a fountain of water spewing up from within the hole.

“Abandon ship! Abandon ship!” the Commander ordered, jumping off the side. The crew did as ordered, letting the ship sink.

Doctor: (Soldier) Shouldn’t the captain go down with the ship sir? It’s tradition!

Ditzy: (Reave) Fine, I’m promoting you to commander and giving you command of this ship.

Doctor: (Soldier) I don’t know what to say. I’m honored sir.

Ditzy: (Reave) Good Griffon. I have absolute confidence in you.

Doctor: (Soldier) I will do my best sir.

Ditzy: (Reave) Gullible sap.

As the vessel began to submerge under the water, Reave was on the lookout for Spike. He hoped the dragon wouldn’t play dirty and drag the crew and himself underwater.

Ditzy: Sounds too tame for him.

“Make way for land. I’d rather be a prisoner of war than dead.” Reave said.

Doctor: You won’t say that after eating Equestrian POW Food Parcels.

Pinkie: Yeah! They might as well give them dirt!

Doctor: Dirt would be too high class I think.

The crew accepted the order and made their way to land, their wings soaked and useless. It was then Reave noticed something: the tar had gone; like soap washed off in water. A smile crept onto the Gryphon’s features as he realised how he would be able to get around that barrier should he face Spike again.

Pinkie: It turns out seawater is Spike’s superhero weakness. One splash and he’s completely helpless!

Shining Armour floated in a tank similar to Spike’s his body in magically induced suspended animation. A dreadful puncture wound resided over his heart. Thanks to the suspended animation conjured by his sister, he was unable to perceive the outside world in any way.

Pinkie: Much like Twilight when she’s reading.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, he couldn’t even bleed.

Ditzy: (Shining) I ain't got time to bleed!

He was for all intents and purposes, dead. Cadence refused to leave the tank, going so far as to place her bed beside it. Twilight was in a similar state, though she did not go to such lengths as to shift her bed.

Doctor: It was only his brother after all.

Pinkie: It would interrupt sexy time with Spike!

Spike would not enjoy withholding the ‘tension’ that had built up over the months, possibly years.

Doctor: He and Cadance never really got along.

The ragtag group of ponies and a gryphon sat around Shining with their heads bowed. It was as good as a funeral with Cadence crying against his ‘coffin’, twilight patting her back.

Doctor: (Twilight) Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find a new coltfriend. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

Spike entered the room, rubbing his wrist as though he’d hurt it in the fight.

Ditzy: (Snorts) Like that would ever happen.

He took no notice of the curious looks his comrades gave him as he went straight to his mare placed a clawed hand on her shoulder.

Pinkie: (Gasps)

Doctor: Comforting her after everything that has happen to her brother? How bizarre!

She’d been strong for Cadence during her time of need, but now she had somepony to cry on, she abandoned her old foalsitter and cried in Spike’s embrace.

Doctor: Who patted her back awkwardly.

Spike gladly supported Twilight as she released her sadness unto him, but was unprepared for Cadence’s tears. So the dragon was holding the heaving bodies of two ponies as he stared up at the conduit of their sorrow, the Captain of Celestia’s Guard.

Ditzy: Dark magic has solved every other problem in this story. Why not this one?

Hours passed and the two mares showed no sign of letting up.

Pinkie: The entire castle was flooded.

Spike had asked Rarity to fetch the Grimoire from his room so he could do some reading as he was indisposed. Somewhat begrudgingly, he focused his mind on the contents of the book, leaving his body for Twilight and Cadence to continue their whining on.

Pinkie: What a jerk.

Doctor: Not really understanding this sympathetic shoulder thing are you?

He came across rather intriguing spells and incantations that would have made Starswirl’s beard twist.

Pinkie: Like a spell that turns beards into mustaches!

What intrigued him the most was the passage near the end of the book. More like a journal than an instruction to a spell, he read on.

Doctor: Though he was annoyed at Twilight and Candance’s crying distracting him.

Pinkie: Talk about inconsiderate!

Entry 207:

It has come to my attention that my fellow dragons will be waging war on the Equestrian race.

Doctor: (Book) They are called Equonies or somesuch.

Such a war will hinder my research greatly;

Pinkie: How are you suppose to collect butterflies with ponies and dragons fighting all over the place?

how greatly and for how long are incalculable at this present time. Despite this, I believe I may have come across the greatest discovery of my career.

Doctor: (Book) They laughed at me! They called me mad! They called my theories that bees are really aliens popestrous! Now I finally have the proof! Bwahahahahahaha!

Trans-special Reproduction.

Pinkie: Think about it, bunnies and dragon’s could have foals!

Such a discovery may in fact end the upcoming war before it has even begun.

Ditzy: (Book) Everypony will be too busy with their foals to bother with silly things like war!

The theory is that with an Equestrian hatched dragon, it may be possible for reproduction between the dragon and the hatcher, resulting in a hybrid species altogether.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) Just a dragon hatched by a pony?

Ditzy: That makes no sense.

Tests have proven that unrelated births and hatchings between two random subjects, one a dragon, the other a pony yield infertility between the two species.

Ditzy: Uh what? Aren’t you still the same species?

Doctor: So, dragon that have been hatched by ponies have pony DNA perhaps?

At first, I believed my daughter to be a fool for loving an Equestrian despite the fact that he hatched her during my untimely absence, but her sudden pregnancy and adamant statement that she has seen no-one other than that Stallion prove my theory.

Pinkie: So she’s banging her dad?

Doctor: Technically

All: (Shutters).

As a result, I have successfully captu bong red four Stallions and four Mares. My most recent cluster was eight so I have distributed one egg to each pony.

Pinkie: You are using your own foals in your experiments?!

Doctor: Disgusting. You are an insult to scientists everywhere!

As soon as the eggs hatch, I will document the respective pairs and raise my children so their growth can escalate to their hatchers’.

Doctor: With plenty of Wheaties.

When the time is right, I will let nature take it’s course and wait for results.

There was a reference to three pages ahead of the note. Flicking through it, Spike read the corresponding entry.

Entry 210:

Success! After several months with my children, who miraculously hatched as opposing genders to their hatchers, most have either impregnated or fallen pregnant with hybrid spawn.

Doctor: So dragons form an intimate bond with the one who hatched them? Does this apply to dragons too.

Ditzy: This is so wrong.

Pinkie: (Pulls out a bucket of soapy water and starts cleaning herself with a sponge.)

Only one of my sons seems to fight the experiment,

Pinkie: (Dragon) You can’t tell me what to do! I hate you mom!

refusing to mate with his equine counterpart,

Ditzy: Celestia forbid.

however, he is still very protective of her. I believe Redeye has bonded with the mare on a more spiritual level than the others; something akin to friendship rather than love. No matter. My theory is correct and my greatest discovery is the birth of a new civilisation itself.

Doctor: That’s what they all say.

Spike stopped reading and looked over the name of the son once again. ‘Redeye’. Celestia had told him that the dragon that had given her his egg was named Redeye. Was it possible that he, Spike, was the grandson of the Legendary Wingblade?

Pinkie: Since this is a fanfic, any contrivance is possible!

A niggling feeling worked its way in the back of his mind. He was curious, but he would find no answers in the book. He'd have to ask Celestia herself if he got the chance. Spike closed the book as he looked down at the cried-out ponies sleeping on him. With gentle precision, he placed Cadence comfortably onto her bed and pulled the covers over her body, then proceeded to carry Twilight back to their room. He made a mental note to ravish her if she woke up and let her be if she didn’t.

Ditzy: No no no no! Her brother just died!

Doctor: Why am I not surprised?

Pinkie: Stallions, they can only think of one thing!

He knew she’d need either thing after what had transpired earlier that day.

Doctor: Or you could… I don’t know. Give her emotional support!

Pinkie: Just give her hugs already come on!

He gently placed his Mare down onto their bed and pulled the covers over her. He then brushed a lock from her mane out of her face and gently kissed her, sliding his tongue ever so lightly across her lips. The mare licked her lips as a result and smiled, having tasted something familiar on them.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Has Spike been eating dog treats again?

He smiled back at her and crept into the bed on the other side. The lavender pony, darkened due to exposure to the dark magic, rolled over into his arms and sighed contently as she seemed to find sweet dreams in his embrace. Spike couldn’t help but press his pelvis against her lower body,

Ditzy: Now our comparisons to a dog seem highly appropriate.

smirking as the action brought on a wider smile from the mare.

“Did I wake you?” he asked. Twilight nodded, opening her glowing violet eyes.

Pinkie: She shot laser beams from them!

“Yes, but that’s okay. I woke up to something I needed.” she replied, pushing against his pelvis with hungry intent.

(Clop Scene)

Ditzy: Her.Brother.Just.Died!

Pinkie: Dead siblings always get her in the mood!

Ditzy: This is all kinds of messed up!

Doctor: (Sighs and shakes head)

Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 06

Chapter 6: Reflecting On The Past

“Ah don’t know sugarcube, the last thing Ah wanna do right now is mess with Spike and Twilight.

Pinkie: I know! One prank might send them over the edge!

They’re in a bad place with the dark magic stuff.

All: Ya think!

And as much as Ah’m sure they’re aware of this, they know better than anypony that all sorts of magic will be needed to deal with them Gryphons.”

Doctor: Preferably not magic that makes you a perfect inmate for a padded cell.

Applejack rubbed her head as she leaned back in her seat.

“Well I for one don’t care for that kind of magic. Just look at what their presense is doing to my mane. It’s going black!”

All: (Gasps)

Ditzy: I think I might faint.

Rarity shoved a lock of her mane in the farm pony’s face. Applejack just shoved her away.

“Look. Would y’all rather have a black mane or be killed by them gryphons out there?

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Sure of course, the ends justify the means.

Doctor: You act like those are the only two options.

Pinkie: (Rarity) That answer should be obvious! Black manes are so unfashionable!

We all know them better than anypony. When the time comes for us to stop them, we’ll know it,

All: They’re already past that point!

and Ah for one don’t think that time has come yet.”

Doctor: If you ignore the killing for sadistic fun thing.

the others muttered their agreements, not entirely sure about Applejack’s judgement.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Well, um, if they use it nicely and responsibly it won’t be so bad.

“Look, AJ… I know that I’m the Element of Loyalty, and I know I should be loyal to my friends, but my loyalty to Equestria comes first.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) I would totally let you die if meant saving Equestria. Not even a second thought!

Ditzy: Yeah, that sounds like Rainbow.

Of course sometimes that is the wrong decision,

Ditzy: Sometimes?

so I should be loyal to what I believe is right. And I don’t think that helping Twilight push herself further into darkness is what I should devote myself to.”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) And the last thing I want is for my mane to go black too!

Rainbow said, walking up to the orange pony.

“Ah’m tellin’ ya. There’s nothing to worry about when it comes to those two.

Pinkie: Great! Now I’m even more worried!

Doctor: Things to not to say when trying to reassure someone.

Ditzy: Don’t worry. I’m sure that hungry crocodile won’t bite your hoof off if you try and pet it!

They’re just doing all they can to stay together. Wouldn’t you do the same for Gilda and Scootaloo, Dash?” Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash went silent, unable to argue the point.

“But surely she wouldn’t endanger them just to protect them through dark magic, Applejack.” Rarity spoke up.

“So you’re saying that if Sweetie belle was in danger and the only way to save her was to use dark magic, you wouldn’t do it, Rarity?” AJ challenged.

Doctor: No, I would find another way.

Pinkie: He’s stubborn like that.

Rarity held Sweetie belle closely, perishing the thought of abandoning the mare simply because she wouldn’t use dark magic.

Doctor: Grr. It’s not the only option here! Really!

Pinkie: Nopony seems to think that evil might be addictive! Tie one helpless maiden to a traintrack. and soon you can’t stop!

Doctor: And what about after the war? What is going to control you then?

“Ah didn’t think so.” AJ grumbled.

“But sis, what if they become a danger to us? The Elements of Harmony couldn’t stop them since Twilight is one of them.”

Pinkie: (Rarity) Don’t worry about it! We’ll just get a new unicorn to replace her! I’ve heard Trixie is back in town!

“Ah won’t let them near us, Applebloom.” Applejack replied, rubbing her head.

Ditzy: Concerning what Spike did to Baltimore, they probably won’t need to.

“If that knock on the shoulder you gave me the night we escaped that grumpy mob is any indication of your strength, I doubt you’d be able to stop us. Fortunately, we’ll never find out.” Spike emerged from the shadows of the hallway with Twilight beside him.

Pinkie: That’s a cool trick! Do it from the ceiling now!

She seemed happier, though her features were much darker than before.

Pinkie: Soon she’ll be just a black smudge!

“Sorry ya’ll. We’ve got ourselves an insurrection brewin’.” AJ said. Twilight looked at her friends’ guilty faces. She just smiled at them and stepped before them all.

Doctor: (Twilight) Kill everypony that dares defy us!

“I understand that you all are afraid of my reliance on the dark magics just to survive this war,

Doctor: Everyone shifted uneasily and starting an intense concentration on parts of the walls.

but I want to assure you that I will not use it to bring harm to any of you.” she said.

Pinkie: But you could snap and become a supervillain!

“But how can we know that you haven’t been corrupted by the dark magic, I mean look at yourselves. Twilight, you’ve got more greys than Granny Smith, and Spike… there’s nothing about you that reminds me of the baby dragon we played with.” Sweetie Belle said, walking up to Twilight. Twilight smiled sweetly at the young mare and patted her head.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I like you. I’m going to kill you last!

“I can’t speak for Spike, but I know I won’t let the darkness corrupt me,

Doctor: That is what they all say in the beginning.

Pinkie: I am sure it fine for me to use the dark side of the force just this once!

because I’ve got something the others didn’t have.” the other ponies waited for her to continue. “I’ve got something to come back to. I love all of you and you’re all what’s keeping me fighting against total corruption.

Pinkie: That totally worked out for Anakin

Not to mention that unlike the others, I fear the darkness. I don’t want it, but I need it and I’m always cautious of its presence.”

Doctor: Again, said before.

Ditzy: Right, it could never happen to me!

Pinkie: (Twilight) Don’t let the fact that I sometimes think about killing you all bother you. I have it totally under control!

The others considered what she had said. While it sounded kind of sappy, they couldn’t deny that unlike King Sombra, Twilight had her friends waiting for her to return to them, and unlike Nightmare Moon, Twilight knew it.

Doctor: (Sighs) You really believe that don’t you?! It’s just that easy to shake the addictive and corrupting influence of dark magic.

“As for me, it’s too late. When I was reawakened, your nightmares tainted me and turned me into the monster I am today.” Spike added.

Pinkie: (Spike) Do you like the new tentacles? And my chest opens up into a second mouth now!

The other ponies, somewhat relaxed by what Twilight had said, became quickly agitated by Spike’s words.

Ditzy: He does that.

Doctor: It is a good thing he isn’t the grief counseling business.

“You mean you’ll always be evil?” Applebloom asked.

Pinkie: (Apple Bloom) Should I get my superhero outfit?

Spike chuckled.

“I was never evil, Applebloom.

Ditzy: (Coughs)

Pinkie: (Spike) That death ray I was making was just a hobby!

But the possibility of darkness overtaking me and turning me into a wild animal will always be present. I will always be who I am now.”

Doctor: Okay, fine. Just don’t pee on the rug.

Pinkie: Would you like a doggy treat?

The dragon sat down on the ground and crossed his legs, his arms resting on his knees.

“I wish you were like the Spike before. He was badass.” Scootaloo said. Spike chuckled again.

Ditzy: (Nods) He saved the Crystal Empire!

Pinkie: Or how about the time he saves Applejack from that Timberwolf!

“That was a part of me that had been tainted by darkness for years, Scoots. I’ve just recently been tainted again. Don’t worry, I’ll be an ass soon enough.” the three girls laughed at him.

Pinkie: I don’t get it. Donkey’s have nothing to do with anything!

The Gryphon king sat on his throne. It was very different from Celestia and Luna’s. Crafted from the bones of his enemies,

Pinkie: Which unfortunately made it pretty comfortable to sit it!

Doctor: What, do griffons have a bone throne industry?

the king watched as only a few from the battalion returned from the war. Commander Reave was among them. The one-eyed Gryphon bowed before his King.

“Report, Commander.” the king ordered.

“My lord, our battalion was wiped out after securing the bay.” Reave began.

“After securing it?

Pinkie: (King) You had like a thousand troops!

I’d have understood before or while you were securing it, but after?” the king seemed more interested in the possibility of such a defeat than the actual defeat itself.

Ditzy: (King) Pfft. We have plenty of soldiers. Who cares about heavy causalities?

“Th-the primary target, Spike, he showed up and took out all my soldiers. He sank the galleon and then vanished.” Reave argued.

Pinkie: Which was really inconsiderate of Spike.

“So you lost a whole fleet and a battleship to one dragon?” he asked. The king’s calm tone was more frightening than his usually enraged one.

Pinkie: (Reave) Yeperoonies. Funny world huh?

“I’m truly sorry, your majesty. Please forgive me.” the gryphon begged. The king looked at one of the other survivors and pointed a talon at him.

Doctor: (King) You have failed me for the last time. You are in command now.

Ditzy: (Griffon) I’m just the janitor sir.

Doctor: (King) You’re point?

“You there, come here, I need an example.” the gryphon complied with his king’s order.

“An example of what, Si–?” the king grabbed his subject by the throat

Ditzy: Why do villains always do this? Couldn't you just give him a warning first?

Doctor: It’s like he wants to breed disloyalty and eventual betrayal into this men.

Pinkie: Evil ponies, er, Griffons are always so silly.

and snapped it in an instant.

Doctor: (King) How inconsiderate, he got drool over the talons.

He then threw the corpse to Reave who looked in horror at his fallen comrade.

Pinkie: (Reave) He could have at least died in a tidier uniform!

“You see that sailor? That’s you if you ever fail me again, Commander.

Pinkie: (Reave) No Sir, I’m me. That’s Frank. How can I become Frank if I fail?

I’ve been lenient with you since your daughter decided to join the ponies, you even got to keep your rank. But one more disappointment from you or your family and you will be no better off than him.”

Ditzy: (King) I never liked him anyway. He always smelled of mouthwash.

Reave swallowed and bowed again to his king.

Ditzy: I would like to know what the King thinks they should have done differently.

“I will not fail you again, your majesty.”

Doctor: Like actually coming up with a plan maybe?

Celestia stood on the front lines of the battlefield, wearing her royal battle armour.

Pinkie: It was actually the one she used for LARPing, but the soldiers pretended not to notice.

It had been centuries since she had worn them.

Ditzy: And it sure smelled like it!

Her crown was bigger and sharper. Her chest plating covered her neck and shoulders. Her horse shoes were spiked and she donned a large claymore on her back. Luna’s armour was identical to her sister’s, only the armour took on her own colours, a silvery blue.

Pinkie: There was a sale at the armor shop.

“Cadence says Twilight has Shining Armour in suspended animation. He’s on the verge of death, but the animation should freeze him as he was.” Luna said, reading her niece’s latest report. “She’s also expressed her concern about Twilight using dark magic.” she added.

Celestia sighed sadly.

Doctor: (Celestia) They’re goes another student to evil.

“I trust in Twilight’s judgement. She wouldn’t use dark magic unless it was necessary. We’ll pay them a visit when we’re done here.” she said, her horn glowing as bright as the sun. Luna followed suit, glowing like the moon as she dropped the letter. A large blue barrier appeared around the ponies they fought alongside, while Celestia’s magic focused on giant falling stars and fireballs from the sky. The attack landed on a Gryphon fleet of thousands,

Ditzy: Seriously though. What is the population of the Griffon Kingdom? 10 billion?

Doctor: Apparently, the author thinks Griffons are like orcs.

burning small groups to cinders.

Pinkie: I thought magic didn’t work on them.

Ditzy: It’s only the elite ones.

Pinkie: Oh, how can you tell?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

A dark cave within the Everfree forest

Doctor: Of course! Why can’t anything nice come from that darn forest!

Pinkie: It’s like 90 percent of our problems come from there!

echoed with the hisses of seemingly serpentine creatures, further in, there was a bright green glow pulsating with life. A maze of tunnels intricately worked their way to a centre where the queen of the Changelings, Chrysalis sat perched upon her own throne.

Doctor: Like a parrot.

She seemed disturbed, troubled by the war on the surface.

Ditzy: It was so darn noisy. How is anyling suppose to get any sleep around here?

“It must be so troubling for your kind during times of war. All the pain and suffering… love becomes scarce in such heartbreaking times. I can only imagine how starved you must be Chrysalis.” a voice rang through the darkness.

Pinkie: (Voice) I brought you a Combo 1 from Wacky Hut!

“What do you want?” she demanded. The voice growled low as it moved around.

“I want to help you, but it comes at a price, as most things do.

Pinkie: 15 bits plus tax!

I believe you know Shining Armour, the Captain of the Royal Guard?”

Pinkie: (Voice) He sat behind you in Algebra class right?

the voice asked. Chrysalis shuddered. How could she forget the singular most humiliating defeat of her reign. She had Equestria, but the very thing she fed on was the very thing that destroyed her victory.

Doctor: But the weather was nice, so she couldn’t complain that much.

“He’s… in a bad way at the moment. He should have died on the battlefield, but Twilight Sparkle and her dragon are keeping him alive. I need you to kill him. I’d do it myself, only my presence might set off alarm bells.” the voice said.

Ditzy: The castle has a bad OC villain alarm.

“You can do that for me can’t you?” a grey hoof emerged from the shadows behind her and rested on her shoulder. Chrysalis went stiff.

“And what will you do for me if I agree to help you?” she asked. The grey pony emerged fully from the darkness into the green glow on her hive. He faced the changeling with his sharp golden draconic eyes

Doctor: Again with the special eyes thing.

Ditzy: It’s a common trait of bad OCs.

and kissed her on the spot.

Pinkie: (Author) I ship Chrysty with my OC!

She suddenly felt herself being fed pure love through her mouth.

Doctor: It tasted of mustard for some reason.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as the feeling of love flowing through her made her salivate with delight. All too soon for her liking, the grey Stallion broke their kiss.

“In exchange, I’ll feed you and your hive for the duration of the war.” Chrysalis’ eyes went wide as the answer revealed itself. “Do we have a deal?” the stallion held his hoof out to her.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Fine, but no tongue next time please.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) And no onions or garlic!

Doctor: (Chrysalis) And don’t forget to speak in bold!

Ditzy: Hey a shadowy new villain. Things are looking up!

Doctor: I am not surprised. I doubt Nutso the Griffon could support this story on his own.

Pinkie: Do you think he can make other things come from his mouth?

Ditzy: Like cats maybe?

Doctor: Or how about lemon meringue pies?

Pinkie: Or how about shooting swords?

Doctor: Sounds like a good way to hurt yourself.

Ditzy: Hm, it would be a unique way to fight. I doubt anypony would see that coming.

Doctor: And you would always have a sword handy.

Pinkie: It would be terrible if he got a cold though.

Doctor: Come on. Let’s get outta here.

Pinkie: Okay!

Doctor: At least we didn’t end on a bad note this time.

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The trio walked out of the theater. The Doctor froze. He got the feeling that he was being watched. He was been having this feeling for some time now. Of course he knew that there were cameras all over, but he couldn’t help but feel something was wrong. He frowned. The others noticed his expression. They looked at him inquisitively.

“What’s wrong?” Pinky asked.

“What? Oh, nothing.” The Doctor replied. Ditzy frowned. She knew what he meant when he said something like that. The Doctor noticed Pinkie also had that expression. He would try to tell them later.

“Okay, now how about that race?” Ditzy suggested.

“Awwww, I wanted to have dinner first!” Pinkie complained.

“Sorry, Pinky.” Ditzy chided. “But everypony knows that racing is better on an empty stomach.”

“But, I’m hungry now!” Pinkie whined.

“We don’t have to have it right away.” The Doctor pointed out. “I’m famished also. You must be too after all that exercise.”

“Alright.” Ditzy rolled her eyes. “You win. I’ll make us some daisy sandwiches.”

“Yay!” Pinkie cheered. The Doctor and Pinkie followed Ditzy into the kitchen. The Doctor couldn’t stop the feeling that something was amiss.

“Soon Doctor. Very soon.” A voice said beyond their hearing. “Suspect all you want. In the end, it will mean nothing. Your greatest foe will have you!”

“Yes, but that’s okay. I woke up to something I needed.” she replied, pushing against his pelvis with hungry intent.

Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 07

Hello again. This time we are going to be reading chapters 7,8, and 9 of Spread of Darkness. This is where the story gets really really bad. The new OC completely takes over the story and makes everyone else look like small potatoes, and you thought Spike was a bad insufferable Mary Sue/Gary Stu?This is my least favorite fanfic trope. It gets worse in later chapters. At least we are almost finished. I also fixed a few things in the previous chapters. I somehow left out an author’s note in chapter 2, fixed text that should have been bolded, and added a few riffs. Looks a lot better now. Fimfiction keeps bolding text for some reason whenever I try to transfer from Google Docs. So I have to select all the text and bold and unbold it to fix that. So that is why that happened. I will have to find a good way to stop that from happening. Fimfiction is weird sometimes.

In other news, I am uploading all the chapters to DeviantArt. I think it is nice to have some extra mirrors and make the fic easier to search for. You can find it here. Also, before I upload them, I am going to do some editing to fix some mistakes, and man have I found many. Embarrassingly so. You will see these updates on Fimfiction and GoogleDocs. Frankly this was long overdue.

I also found another fic I am going to do. It’s called Night Fall Equestria by FLUTTERxxDASH. It about a corrupted Twilight getting vengeance on Sombra and Chrysalis for killing her. They took over Equestria and now she’s going to take it back...by turning into the exact same tyrant they are. It’s your typical grimdark hyper violent gory fic that turns the main character into a total monster. Personally, despite the bad grammar, spelling, storytelling, and downer ending, it’s sorta decent. It has some good ideas and moments. Ok, it’s mostly terrible, but part of me kinda likes it. Anyway, on with the fic!

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to The Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 19 - Part 1

The entity chuckled to itself. It finally had the perfect opportunity to strike and finish the hated Doctor once and for all. The stallion in question was relaxing in the pool’s hot tub after exhausting himself racing his two companions. The Doctor had been on his guard for the last few weeks. It seemed that, despite being invisible to everypony, he could somehow sense its presence, but now he was defenseless. Ditzy was nearby getting ready to get in the pool. She was putting on some two piece clothing after stripping herself of a shirt and some short pants. She looked as equally tired as the Doctor. It wouldn’t be difficult to take over her body with her body and mind so exhausted. It would take a lot of energy, but it had a lot of energy saved in reserve. It had been feeding off the anger and negativity they had been giving off when reading those terrible fanfics. All the entity had to do was to wait for Ditzy to get into a convenient position. It didn’t want to waste any energy unnecessarily or get tired too and lose control while delivering the killing blow.

Ditzy was finally in position. She was walking behind the Doctor ready to get in the pool. The entity rushed towards her and took total control of her body. The body stumbled a little but quickly regained balance. One of the reasons the entity took over Ditzy so close to the Doctor was because it didn’t trust itself walking on two legs. Ditzy’s normal pony body would be better, but this would have to do.

The possessed Ditzy awkwardly walked towards the Doctor. He didn’t seem to notice. She reached the Doctor. The possessed Ditzy gave a devilish grin. The possessed Ditzy’s hands moved closer to the Doctor’s neck. Ditzy was strong. It wouldn’t take much to push him under and drown him. She got closer ready to clasp around the Doctor’s neck. The grin widened the closer it got to the Doctor’s throat.

Suddenly the entity felt strange, and then looked at Ditzy’s hands in surprise. They were hooves again. The entity felt Ditzy’s body starting to topple over. Ponies aren’t meant to stand on two legs. Ditzy fell right onto the Doctor and they fell into the water. The entity lost complete control of Ditzy and found itself falling into the hot tub. Ditzy’s body crashed into the Doctor’s head. The water and the pain from hitting the Doctor broke the entity’s hold over Ditzy. It cursed profusely.

“Ow. What gives Ditzy?” The Doctor proclaimed angrily after he rose from the water.

“Not sure what hap…” Ditzy said also rising from the water. She stopped when she saw a grey hoof come out of the water. She gasped loudly. “I’m a pony again!” She flew out of the water and did a loop in the air.

“I’m a pony again!” She said happy as can be. She grinned ear to ear. She flew around in the air back and forth.

“Well I’ll be.” The Doctor said smiling.

“What’s the hubbub about?” Pinkie asked as she walked into the pool area. She gasped loudly. “You’re a pony again Ditzy!” Pinkie bounced in the air eagerly.

“Darn straight I am!” Ditzy did another loop in the air. “If you would excuse me, I’m going to test these babies out!” She flew out the room past Pinkie in almost a blur.

“She seems quite happy.” The Doctor said getting out of the hot tub.

“We should totally throw a party!” Pinkie proclaimed.

“For once, I think you are right.” The Doctor admitted.

“I have to get ready! The experiment is about to start soon!” Pinkie zipped out of the room.

“Hey, slow down.” The Doctor said to empty air. He sighed and followed after her.

The entity would be grinding its teeth if it still had any. “I don’t believe this! I was so close! How was that even possible! Just…er” It flew around irately then stopped. “Never mind.”

It grew confident. “That was just a minor setback.” It chuckled to itself. “They didn’t even notice me. The Doctor is still unaware just how screwed he is.”

“Yep. I just have to wait a little longer, and then vengeance will be mine!”

Ditzy entered the main meeting room. She noticed all the party decorations. “Looking good.” She said out loud.

“Not so bad considering we only had 20 minutes.” The Doctor responded from across the room. He was lifting a metal basin for bobbing for apples to a nearby table.

“You’re helping Pinkie?” Ditzy asked as she walked up to the Doctor.

“Sure, this time it actually is a special occasion.” He replied. “I know how unhappy you

were as a human.”

“Aw. That’s sweet of you.” Ditzy complimented.

“It’s the least I could do.” The Doctor shrugged. “I’m the one that got you in that mess in the first place.”

Ditzy hugged him. The Doctor hugged back and patted Ditzy on the back.

“Awww.” Pinkie cooed. “Sooo cute!”

The Doctor coughed embarrassed. Ditzy just giggled.

“Hello my little test subjects.” Dinky called out from her monitor. “Well, well, well. It seems your back to normal again Ditzy.” Dinky sounded happy about this fact.

“Yep! Too bad you have to come and spoil my perfectly good day.” Ditzy said annoyed.

“Now now.” The Doctor chided. “None of that. This time we will be reading chapter 7, 8, and 9 of Spread of Darkness by Grimm Reaper correct?”

“Well, yes that is correct.” Dinky replied.

“And then we can have your ‘Turned back into a pony from a human after a terrible magical accident party!’” Pinkie declared happily. She drew out the word party as she said it.

“Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her evil laugh. The experiment alarm went off and the Doctor, Ditzy, and Pinkie rushed to the theater.

Chapter 7: Angelus Infiltration

Doctor: That angel is a spy!

Chrysalis crept through the corridors of the ancient castle of the Sisters, where she could smell the stench of Cadence and her friends.

Pinkie: (Covers nose)

Ditzy: Maybe the reason everypony is getting all dark colored is because of lack of bathing.

She was unnaturally nervous about this whole thing.

Pinkie: What if they don’t like her new mane cut?!

Doctor: (Chrysalis) What if Twilight doesn’t like me after I kill her brother?

The only reason she would infiltrate the home of somepony who had beaten her before was for the continuation of her kind,

Ditzy: Really, aren’t you all about revenge and stuff?

and that was exactly why she was staking her own life. That strange and nerve-wracking pony

Pinkie: He snorted any powder he could get his hooves one, like rock candy or salt.

promised all the love she and her hive could consume for the rest of their existence, for the continuation of their existence.

Doctor: I’m thinking you missed some fine print somewhere.

Ditzy: What do you…”For the rest of their existence” Oh...oh dear.

There was something about that stallion which chilled the changeling to the bone.

Pinkie: But he seems so on the up and up! He gave you a free toaster!

She crept through the main corridors, stopping just short of a room which held conversation within. She stopped to listen, pressing her ear to the door.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Mmmm, Cadance! Spike and Shining can never learn of our secret love!

“Spike’s getting restless.

Pinkie: He’s been clawing at the door all day!

He says he can feel something on the horizon, and it’s not related to the war.” Twilight said.

Pinkie: He suspects it might be….the sun!

There was a moment’s silence before another voice called out, this one was familiar to Chrysalis. It was Cadence’s voice.

Ditzy: (Cadance) It’s probably just gas.

“Maybe the Dragons are getting involved.” she said. Chrysalis began to feel as though the something Twilight mentioned was in fact herself. She moved away from the door and hurried along, changing into Cadence’s form.

Ditzy: She took out a mask with Cadance’s face on it and put it on.

Not a moment too soon, as Spike turned the corner, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. Chrysalis froze, her ears drooped back in fright.

“Cadence, something wrong? You look like you’ve just run into a ghost.” he said.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) I’m totally not an imposter here to kill Shining Armor! Er, I mean... Hey Spike!

Chrysalis took note of his voice. How it sounded like that grey Stallion’s.

Doctor: It was squeaky and high pitched.

She chuckled nervously, trying to imitate Cadence’s voice and personality.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Yo, how za doing doggyo?

Doctor: (Spike) Oh Celestia, she’s trying to be gangsta again.

“I thought I had when I saw your eyes glowing. I was just about to go and see my husband.” she said. Spike blinked once and chuckled.

Pinkie: (Spike) I didn’t know you were married.

“Sorry about that. May I join you? We haven’t had much time to talk since this war started, not to mention my being somewhat dead the past few months.” he said.

Doctor: (Spike) We’ve become distant over the years. I miss the chats we had when I lived in Canterlot.

Chrysalis couldn’t help but widen her eyes at the last notion.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Oh crap, I don’t know how to keep up a disguise without being a jerk!

If Spike were dead, then how could he have been standing before her?

Doctor: He said somewhat dead.

“I don’t see why not.” she began, walking beside the tall dragon.

Ditzy: This is going to get really awkward.

It was only a few moments before he struck a conversation with her.

Pinkie: (Spike) So I hear you are into death metal, what are your favorite bands?

“Cadence… I know you were Twilight’s foalsitter when she was just a filly, but I feel like I should ask you; do you have any problem with her and me… you know.”

Ditzy: Banging each other in front of Shining’s tube?

Chrysalis’ eyes widened again as the topic struck her. It was a topic she never gave much thought about. But now she had to.

Pinkie: She applied brain bleach vigorously.

“I honestly can’t complain. While I care about… Twilight.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Phew, almost got her name wrong.

I just want her to be happy.” Chrysalis had trouble just pretending to show concern for the ponies that had ruined her life and reduced her hive to a skeleton of its former self.

Doctor: (Spike) Did you two have a fight? You seem a little hostile towards Twilight.

“Why do you ask, Spike?”

Pinkie: She almost said “And here I thought that book worm would spend the rest of life as an old maid.”

The dragon sighed and looked at the alicorn. “I can’t help but feel as though the others aren’t just unhappy with our using dark magic,

Doctor: The fact that I tear out the hearts of Griffons and drink their blood in sacrificial black magic rituals seems to upset them for some reason.

but are in fact against the whole dragon and pony relationship. I just wanted to know what you thought.” he said. Chrysalis felt as though this were the perfect opportunity to perhaps wound her enemy’s emotions.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Oh that. I shouldn’t think there’s a need to worry. Even though you will most likely be shunned by pony society, her so called friends will abandon her, Ce-Aunty will disown her, and Twilight will probably give birth to half dragon/half pony monstrosities. But all that doesn’t matter, love will always prevail.

“Well Spike, if you really want to know…” she stopped, hesitating to do him harm.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) His groin is right there. One kick and… no. I need to keep up my disguise, tempting as that may be.

“I think… you should ignore what other ponies think and do what you feel is right. Progress isn’t made through submission of peers.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) It’s all about crushing all that stand in your way and make them rue the day they ever thought of opposing you! Bwahahahaha!

If we bowed to peer pressure, we’d be no better than animals.”

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) In bed on the other hoof.

Doctor: And this is wounding him?

Chrysalis was surprised by her answer. She stopped afterward and considered why she’d given him that answer.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Who wrote this crap?

“You’re right, thank you Cadence.” he said.

Ditzy: (Spike) I was expecting less generic advice from the Princess of Love, but it works.

It was then that Chrysalis felt the familiar sensation of love radiating towards her from the dragon.

Pinkie: (Spike) Cadance is kinda hot! After her husband dies, maybe I can convince her to join my herd!

It wasn’t love like she’d fed from Shining, but the love of a friend. It was like eating a single vegetable within a salad to her.

Doctor: But it was a pea, so it was fine with her.

“Spike, what did you think about the Changelings when they attacked Canterlot?” she asked at random.

Doctor: Subtle.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) Not that I’m all that interested or anything. Nope! I am in no way asking secretly asking what you think of me. If I was Chrysalis in disguise of course! Which I’m not of course...I’ll shut up now.

Spike thought about her question and smiled.

Ditzy: (Spike) I thought it was hilarious how she and her lackeys went flying.Twilight told that story at parties for months. We got such a good laugh from it.

“Well, speaking from an outsider’s point of view… while they fed off of love, they went about taking it the wrong way. A peaceful negotiation would have worked between Chrysalis and Celestia.”

Doctor: Except Chrysalis is a power hungry witch that plays everyone for her own benefit.

Spike growled as he spoke the latter name. His scales darkened slightly and Chrysalis couldn’t help but notice this.

Pinkie: Oh, so he changes colors when he’s happy or angry!

Ditzy: So does he turn other colors when he’s embarrassed or sad?

“I’ve been thinking about… asking Chrysalis for aid in the war.

Doctor: (Spike) I haven’t made a phenomenally bad idea in this fic yet!

In exchange we would commit to some sort of peace between the two species.” Spike seemed to entertain the idea in his head.

Doctor: It had ponies and changelings fowlicking together in a field of flowers.

“That might only work if there was some way we could transfer the love from a pony to a changeling without taking a toll on their bodies. How did they survive before?” he asked.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Oh that’s easy. We, er, I mean they just sucked the pony dry and left them for dead. Ponies weren’t united back then so it was easier to prey on them. (Sighs) Good times.

“Well, rumour has it they used to take over the lives of ponies who were on the verge of death and live out their lives with their loved ones, taking their love and returning it to their queen.”

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Elvis? Totally a changeling.

“Like bees?”

“Exactly like bees. Only they’d return to the same flower over and over again and this is beginning to sound weird.” she said. Spike chuckled and opened the door to Shining’s room. There he floated in the tank, the green glow of the liquid inside making him seem like a spectre.

“He looks dead already.” Chrysalis commented, walking up to him.

Ditzy: He was floating upside down with his belly up.

Spike stood beside her and looked at Shining Armour. “Do you think it’s possible for a pony to love a changeling, Spike?” she asked, turning to the dragon.

Ditzy: According to like a million fanfics, yes.

Spike shrugged. “Dunno. I know I never could.

Pinkie: Plot Twist! Twilight was really a changeling along!

It’d be too much like when I loved Rarity. The love was one-sided.”

“You don’t think a changeling can love?”

“No. Otherwise they could feed off of the love from each other.

Doctor: Or they just can’t feed off of themselves.

Again, it’s one-sided. They need us, but we don’t need them. Of course, with the war, it might be different.” The dragon smiled at the alicorn and stroked her face.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) And now he’s touching me. Don’t bite him. Don’t bite him.

“But you don’t need to worry about any of that right now, Princess.

Pinkie: (Spike) Like a changeling could ever infiltrate here!

Focus on Shining and his wellbeing.” Spike said, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) Ew, now I have cooties!

Ditzy: This is a Twilight X Spike fic right?

He then abruptly turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. Chrysalis changed her form again and sighed, looking back to Shining Armour.

Pinkie: (Spike) Oh by the way, what toppings would you like? We’re about to order a couple dozen...Sweet Celestia!

“Hello lover.” she said, chuckling.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) According to Equestria’s screwed up legal system, I’m the one married to you!

She looked around the room and saw a long piece of metal that had fallen from the old construction of the room. Using her horn, she lifted it with her magic and twisted it into shape.

Pinkie: It was a doggy now!

Doctor: (Spike) Do a pony next!

It was now a long, sharp spear. Without a second’s hesitation, she forced the spear toward the tank. it was then that she felt Spike’s black hand

All: Claw.

catch the spear just short of the glass. His eyes were white hot and he was radiating a dark aura. Chrysalis lost her calm and began to back away aborting her mission.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Is there any reason I can’t keep my cool at all in this story?

“You think I’d leave Shining alone without any security?

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) What security?

Pinkie: (Spike) Well, he’s on break now, but otherwise Shining is completely secure! We even have a security camera!

He is Twilight’s brother and as such, I must do all I can to protect him.” Spike broke the spear in half and threw it to the ground. He then proceeded to close in on the changeling when a strange hand stopped him in his tracks, causing a plume of white smoke to rise on his shoulder. Spike turned around to see a light grey stallion standing like himself with a white dragon skull over his face. The stallion was encased in white flame.

Ditzy: It was painful, but it was a cool effect.

“Finish the job, Chrysalis!” the stallion commanded,

Doctor: (Stallion) Or you are not getting your tip!

Pinkie: You don’t need to yell!

throwing Spike back behind him. Spike roared in protest as he hit the wall.

Pinkie: (Spike) What a jerk! He could have warned me first!

Chrysalis nodded and proceeded to run at the tank. She picked up a piece of the metal and jammed it into the tank. The glass cracked and the green liquid began to leak through.

All: Not the Kool-Aid!

Twilight and the others crashed through the door as they heard Spike’s roar and they laid eyes upon the scene. Twilight and Cadence both screamed as they saw the tank had been damaged.

Doctor: That bacta tank was on lease!

“NO!” they cried out together. Spike rose from the hole in the wall and charged the fiery stallion who knocked him to the ground headfirst.

Pinkie: (Spike) Gah! Hey a bit!

“Stop it!” Twilight cried; her magic radiating through her body as she engulfed herself in dark magic. The stallion looked to her and went to Chrysalis’ side.

Ditzy: (Stallion) Please save me! I’ve seen what happens when she gets angry!

“Hurry up.” he said. Chrysalis swallowed hard and forced the glass to crack further. Within an instant, a hole appeared, forcing the liquid out in a torrent. Twilight screamed, activating Spike’s reaction like last time. The stallion watched as the dragon flooded himself in darkness and emerged a monster wrapped in a physical manifestation of darkness itself.

Pinkie: So he’s in super duper triple blacky darker than black darkness now?

“Kepla'nas ekess loreat! (Prepare to die!)” he said, challenging the stallion in the draconic language.

Doctor: (Snorts) You left the oven on.

“Si mi Marfedelom. (I am Death.)” he replied with the same tongue.

Doctor: I am your waiter today. Would you like to hear the special?

The skull on his head began to open and a ball of black energy formed between the teeth. It grew in size and drew in the energy of the room around it.

Pinkie: Oh come on! I was watching a video on Ponytube!

“Don't interfere.” the stallion said. He threw his body forward before the recoil of the blast forced him back. The ball arced outward and destroyed all in its path.

Pinkie: Hey! We just fixed that wall!

The sound it made was unique and unlike anything the ponies or the changeling had ever heard before.

Doctor: It sounded like a dog trying to sing Hey Jude.

It was deafening and terrifying all at once and Spike was caught in the middle of it. He could feel his body being burned by its awesome power and he cried out for Twilight, believing he was going to die once again, and this time, there was no way back to her.

Pinkie: Not true! Nopony has revived you with the Dragon Balls yet!

Suddenly, the energy dissipated, turning into nothing more than a streak of light before vanishing altogether. The ponies all stood where they were, most too scared to challenge whatever could make that giant hole in the castle.

Ditzy: (Rarity) And it left a huge hole in one the castle’s fabulous curtains. That brute!

Spike stood where he was, unconscious and reverted back to normal. Twilight was looking at the dragon, horrified that he might be dead. She ran to him as he fell forward, a groan escaping his lungs as he did.

Ditzy: (Spike) Gah, smashed a rock into my you know.

The stallion took no notice of them afterwards and returned to the now dying Shining Armour.

“Leave him alone!” Cadence called out to the two. Chrysalis left the Captain to her comrade and turned to Cadence.

“I suppose this is like revenge for me.” she said, preparing to attack should Cadence interfere with the grey stallion’s plans. Unfortunately, Cadence did try and Chrysalis had no choice but to force her down.

“Shining Armour was supposed to die on the battlefield, but your interference altered the course of time. I’m simply here to correct it.” the stallion said, turning his head.

Doctor: Hmm. I don’t exactly see how.

Ditzy: Yeah, it isn’t like he interfered with history or anything,

His eye sockets flashed amber.

“You’re Mar Grimm, the Angel of Death.” Twilight addressed the stallion.

All: (Laugh)

Doctor: Don’t you mean Azrael?

Mar turned his head back to Twilight and seemingly blinked at her.

“Yes. As I told your companion, I am Death.” Mar reached his hand through the glass and touched Shining Armour’s chest.

Ditzy: Shouldn’t you be a skeleton?

The white Stallion lurched forward and his spirit was pulled out of his body. Cadence began to squirm under the Changeling Queen who had difficulty containing her.

Doctor: Cadance did a reversal and put the Changeling into a headlock.

“Stop it! Why can’t you let him live?” Cadence demanded.

Pinkie: Shining wants to move on and do movies now.

“As I said, he was meant to die on the battlefield.

Ditzy: Um, I don’t really understand this. Ponies’ deaths are prevented all the time. What makes this one so different?

Doctor: And why do you care? So what if Shining won’t die for a few more years? You have all eternity to wait.Time means nothing to you.

Pinkie: Maybe he collects enough 10,000 souls he gets a new iPony?

Even I have rules I must follow; were I to break them, chaos would ensue,

Doctor: Dogs and cats living together etc,etc.

the likes of which your kind couldn’t fathom.

Pinkie: It contains storm clouds that rain.... lemon juice!

In order to protect you and your race,

Pinkie: He’s not such a bad pony after all!

Ditzy: That you for saving us from Shining Armor.

I must follow the rules set me.”

Doctor: And what about Spike coming back from the dead? Shouldn’t that be against the rules?

Mar then placed his finger on Shining Armour’s ectoplasmic head and threw it down, drawing a line across his body. The spirit then began to glow and in a bright flash of light, he was gone. Cadence stopped struggling and stared at the lifeless body of her husband.

Doctor: Looks like story has fit its dead sibling quota.

“What happened, where is he?” Twilight asked, grabbing the angel by his leg. Mar looked down at her, his eyes still glowing.

“Where every soul goes after they die. Home.” he replied,

Ditzy: (Mar) He’s probably going to Hades. He pirated a lot of movies.

turning to Chrysalis. “Your work is done, Chrysalis.”

The changeling released Cadence and turned to the angel. “Don’t forget our deal. I help you fix your mistake and you help my hive survive.” she replied. Mar reared his head back slightly, his eyes going dark as well as his mask.

“I’d choose my description of Shining Armour’s survival of the battlefield more carefully if I were you, Chrysalis.

Pinkie: (Takes out a thesaurus and clears throat) You made an oversight, a blunder, a snafu, a misstep, a fault, a blooper, a boo boo, an error, a slip, a goof, a miscalculation, a gaffe, a fubar, a flub, a screw up, or buggered up?

I don’t make mistakes.

Pinkie: Suurrreeee!

If the opportunity to do my job slips by the first time, that’s fine,

Pinkie: (Mar) I can’t take this soul. I’m on coffee break!

so long as it’s fixed in the end, like now.”

Ditzy: So you make plenty of mistakes! You’re just good at covering them up!

Chrysalis cleared her throat and nodded. She was not about to cross death himself.

Ditzy: Right, he throws a little hissy fit if you make fun of him.

“Sorry.” she said.

“Wait. You’re the Angel of Death, and you promised to give Chrysalis what they needed to survive? They need love to survive, how can you give them love?” Twilight asked, fixing Spike’s position on her back.

Doctor: (Mar) What, can’t you tell I’m a warm and loving person?

“Soul Emotion Conversion. Any emotion the pony felt is converted into love and sent to the changelings.” he replied.

Pinkie: With 20% less fat!

Twilight seemed to go through the process in her head.

Doctor: Oh, so he can convert his lack of personality to love.

“But… wouldn’t that drain ponies of their emotions?” she asked. Mar shook his head.

Ditzy: (Mar) What makes you think I have them?

“No. I should explain that the emotions are actually copied, then converted.” he concluded.

Pinkie: I prefer my love in .xml format!

Without waiting for another question, he grabbed Chrysalis by the neck and pulled her closer to him.

“We’ll see you again, Elements of Harmony.” and with a burst of sound,

Pinkie: It sounded like a pony passing wind!

Doctor: Really.

Pinkie: Come on. It was funny!

the changeling and the angel disappeared out of nowhere,

Pinkie: (Gasps) They’re gone! Oh wait, they were just hiding behind that shelf over there.

leaving all the ponies speechless,

Doctor: That was rude. They could have at least stayed for tea.

surrounding an unconscious dragon and a dead Guard Captain.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) What a day! Cupcakes?

Author's Note:

Okay, so I'm in the story, lol.

Ditzy: I bucking knew it!

Pinkie: Language Ditzy! Foals are present!

Ditzy: T-they are?

I was surprised that I hadn't jumped the sequence around a bit, usually I disjoin the time sequence and throw the story through different perspectives.

Pinkie: Like what was Tom doing the battle?

But I'm proud of how this turned out. So, we have a war between ponies and Gryphons, Celestia's student is using the darkest of magics,

Ditzy: Not really. She hasn’t done any equine sacrifices yet, or made any deals with demons.

her brother's now dead and the Changelings have the Angel of Death literally watching over them while their queen is contemplating making amends with the Equestrians. This is going to be fun.

Doctor: For you maybe.

Pinkie: It will be fun! In a bad trainwrecky way!

Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 08

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 19 - Part 2

Chapter 8: Eye Of The Storm

Celestia gasped as she awoke from a nightmare.

Pinkie: (Celestia) No Luna! Put the tuba down. Slowly!

Having shared a tent together on the still battlefield, her gasp aroused Luna who had fallen asleep after having raised the moon. She was very tired these days.

Ditzy: She was up all day playing Ponycraft.

“Sister, what is wrong?” the night princess asked, looking into Celestias eyes with a mixture of concern and curiosity.

“I felt him, Luna. That… grievous Stallion.

Ditzy: The coughing and wheezing probably gave him away.

I could feel him on the border of my mind, watching me as I slept.” Luna’s face grew quizzical.

All: (Groin)

Ditzy: There’s no escaping that series is there?

Doctor: Well, it is popular with naive young mares.

Ditzy: I will never get that.

Pinkie: Oh come on Ditzy. You can’t tell me you never went through a bad boy phase.

Ditzy: (Grumbles) At least they didn’t sparkle.

“I felt no such presence in your dreams, Tia.” There was a sudden snap in Luna’s head and the right eye of the angel appeared in her mind’s eye.

Ditzy: Luna panicked and threw dirt at it.

She gasped as her sister had and the two of them felt themselves waking up all over again. “I dislike dreams within a dream.” she commented.

All: (Hum Mind Heist)

Celestia turned to her dark counterpart. “You saw it that time too, didn’t you? That eye.”

Doctor: (Corona) Yes, I felt it too.

“Yes, the right eye, always the right one.

Ditzy: Now we know which one to poke out.

I fear if he’s entered the physical realm, we may be looking at war we will not survive. The Angel’s playground and every side is just a collection of Chess pieces.” Such a grim thought brought a chill to Celestia’s spine.

Doctor: Celestia hated chess. She could never remember how the horsey pieces moved.

“Why would he come back now? He’s left us be for over a thousand years,

Pinkie: Oh, he’s just lonely and needs a friend!

Ditzy: He could have just asked.

and just when things turn hairy, he shows up and brings Hell with him.”

Pinkie: Hell? What’s that?

Ditzy: I think she means Hades.

Pinkie: Ohhhhhhh.

Celestia began to panic, a rarity indeed for the often calm and at times serene Alicorn.

Doctor: Since when, I don’t remember her being like that this entire story or the last one.

Luna felt that it was her turn to play the big sister and comfort her crying co-ruler.

Doctor: So Luna slapped her.

“It is highly unlikely he has come for us, Tia. Perhaps he is simply observing the war through limited eyes.”

Pinkie: He could only see in black and white!

Despite her attempts, Celestia disagreed with her hypothesis.

Ditzy: He’s a bad OC character. Of course he will. The author needs to show how awesome he is by humiliating you.

“He is not the kind to sit back and watch things unfold.

Doctor: One of the reasons he’s banned from sport games.

He is here for a reason. Besides, it’s not him that I fear most of all, it’s what lies behind that eye… within him.”

Ditzy: His spine?

Pinkie: His skull?

Doctor: His carotid artery?

Luna grew curious about what her sister had just said. “I have not heard about anything residing within him, Celestia. Have you kept yet another secret from me? How could you? Shouldn’t you have learned from last time?”

Pinkie: (Celestia) Luna, it was just your birthday present.

The princess of the night rose to her hooves and addressed her sister in an accusatory manner.

Doctor: (Luna) This is just like the time my pet goldfish Mr. Jimmes died and you replaced him with another one!

“No, I’d forgotten about it until recently.

Pinkie: That’s okay. I forget plot relevant things all the time!

If I’d have remembered, I would have told you the night my student and her friends brought you back to me. I’d have told you all I could about him.” Celestia defended.

Doctor: (Celestia) Forget my own head if it wasn’t attached to to my shoulders.

“Then tell me now.”

Pinkie: The like of which you will not find in the world today.It began long ago in a land far away to the east.

Celestia patted the cushion beside her and urged her sister to sit beside her. The dark Alicorn did as she was asked and stared at her sister, waiting for the rest of the truth.

All: Story time! Yay!

“As you know, he is an Angel, but in order for him to have become Death, he had to be more than an Angel.

Pinkie: He transformed into a Super Angel!

He had to have control over both the heavens and Hell itself. So he fused his body with that of the most powerful demon.

Doctor: Sound a lot of work to get a simple position.

Ditzy: He wasn’t just Death from the start?

Pinkie: At least he avoided a lot of paperwork!

That Demon, though sharing his body,

Doctor: So, do all Deaths have to merge with a demon, or is this a special case?

retains his own mind and hides within the mind of his host, acting like a Parasite.

Pinkie: It gave all all sorts of horrible side effects!

Ditzy: I wonder if the constant abdominal pain and the fact he needs to visit the toilet every ten minutes was worth it.

The demon feels no remorse, no pity. He would never take a hostage

Pinkie: See, he’s not all bad!

and he revels in mass slaughter of any kind.

Pinkie: (Demon) Bwahahahaha! Eat this bubble wrap!

When you were away with Mother, I fought the Angel and found I was on par with him.

Doctor: (Celestia) We played at at the Canterlot Mini Golf course.

But then it happened.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) I failed to get past a spinning windmill.

Luna shifted in her cushion. This story reminded her of the ghost stories she would hear from her sister during the nights before they took control.

“His left eye became like his right and he changed… for the worst.

Doctor: He tipped over waste baskets for fun!

Pinkie: He wrote graffiti on chalkboards!

Ditzy: He payed for a movie and snuck into a completely different film!

His head was covered in a strange Dragon’s skull, but it was different.

Doctor: It had a goofy expression.

Pinkie: It was the skull of Crackle’s great great great grandmother!

Like the skull itself was tainted with something unimaginable.

Doctor: Bad body spray.

This demon is more powerful than the Angel and fights constantly to take control. I nearly lost my life within a minute, had the angel not fought back and saved my life.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) I called hax at the time.

Luna was on the edge of her cushion. She found it difficult to imagine her sister on the bronk of death,

Doctor: A pony riding a horse. Now that would be strange.

despite how often she dreamed of such a thing when she was banished on the moon.

Ditzy: She imagined her sister taking place in rodeos.

“Could the Elements of Harmony protect against him?” she asked.

“Once, perhaps, but I feel as though he’s changed over the years, grown stronger and more powerful.

All: Of course.

Ditzy: (Author) My super OC is so powerful, not even the Elements of Harmony can defeat him!

Doctor: The author does remember they beat Discord right?

It feels as though the Demon has won, but at the same time has given up.”

“We came to an understanding.” a voice said from behind the two.

Pinkie: (Mar) We decided to split kitchen and bathroom duties. We cycle them every week.

Both princesses jumped and ran towards the opposite end of the tent. There stood the angel in all his glory.

Doctor: He was wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt.

Nothing like before, he now stood as a Stallion would and the skull was not present. Yet his eyes shone bright yellow and his sclera was blacker than the cutie mark on Luna’s flank.

Pinkie: (Mal) Do you like my cool contact lenses?

“W-what do you want here, d-d-demon?” Celestia stuttered.

Ditzy: (Facehoof) Princess Celestia never stutters!

The two princesses held each other closely, fearing for their lives.

Doctor: Okay, we get it. You’re OC is the coolest.

It felt like the longest time to them since they were considered the most powerful in the world.

Ditzy: Like a year ago when Discord got out.

“Me, I want nothing from you.

Pinkie: Wait. Why isn’t he speaking in bold anymore?

Ditzy: Must of got tired of yelling all the time.

My friend however, seeks both your forgiveness and offers her aid to you in the war.

Pinkie: (Celestia) Pfft. Like we are gullible enough to fall for that.

I am simply here to oversee negotiations,

Ditzy: My name is Mar Grimm. I perform a much needed job here in this city of ponies.

and to make sure there is no foul play between the two parties.” As Death himself spoke,

Pinkie: So, you really don’t you have better things to do?

Ditzy: Yeah like….be Death?

he flapped a large black dragon wing

Pinkie: Dragon wings too? You are trying way too hard author.

beside him and the Changeling Queen herself appeared as though out of thin air.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Tada!

She seemed disorientated. When her eyes focused on the two princesses, she went still, daring not to make a move.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) You said we were going to the beach!

Mar sat down between Celestia and Luna’s cushions and offered them their respective places. The two princesses warily sat beside their superior while Chrysalis sat across from him in a diamond shaped enclosure.

Pinkie: (Mar) Now how about a game of Duck Duck Goose?

“Begin.” the angel said bluntly, observing the three.

Ditzy: Celestia opened up with a chair to face!

Pinkie: Chrysy responds with a big clothesline!

Ditzy: Luna grabs on to Chrysalis and puts her in her signature Lunatic Lock!

Pinkie: Celestia taking advantage of this and is pounding Chyrsy in the face!

Ditzy: Two on one. This is so unfair!

Pinkie: What is Mar doing!? He’s just watching on the sideline!

“Oh, my head!” Spike groaned as he returned to consciousness. Twilight was the first thing he saw and felt as she leaped into him and sobbed. It took less than a second for him to remember the events that transpired prior to his blackout.

Ditzy: (Spike) That’s the last time I go drinking with Rainbow Dash.

The way Twilight was screaming, he knew he’d failed to protect Shining Armour.

Pinkie: Luckily, Shining Armor is ok!

He scooped the heart broken mare into his arms and held her close.

Ditzy: How OOC of him. He should be pushing her into the dirt and laughing at her.

Doctor: Ditzy, I think he has developed past that already.

Ditzy: Alright, you got me there.

Unlike before, the animosity he felt while enraged or excited didn’t reveal itself; however, the boiling hatred for that odd stallion remained stagnant in his mind and soul.

Pinkie: The stallion was so so off his Hearth’s Warming card list!

He could feel the dark consciousness within him, furious at having been overpowered and overshadowed. But it remained dormant for the time being.

Ditzy: (Spike) B-but, I am the fics resident Mary Sue here!

“I can’t believe the Angel of Death himself made a deal with Chrysalis of all ponies and killed Shining Armour.” Rainbow Dash commented,

All: Neither can we!

holding Scootaloo closely. Spike took a moment to understand what Dash had just said about his enemy. ‘The Angel of Death himself’. That’s what she had said.

“Shit!” he growled.

Ditzy: There’s Spike’s wacky catch phrase again!

“You know somethin’ about this guy Spike?” Applejack inquired.

Spike nodded. “Yeah.

Ditzy: (Spike) He was a failed My Little Human analyst that became Death after his show bombed.

Like Dragons, he’s supposed to act as an Arbiter.

Doctor: But he spends most of his time on the couch watching TV.

He’d observe a conflict between two sides. But unlike dragons, if he finds that one side is resorting to trickery, he will interfere and discretely give the losing side a helping hoof.”

Doctor: Why exactly?

Ditzy: Isn’t war all about trickery?

Applebloom raised her hoof before asking a question that was undoubtedly on her friends’ minds also.

Doctor: (Apple Bloom) Is this going to be on the test?

Pinkie: (Apple Bloom) If he’s an angel, why doesn’t he have angel wings and a halo?

“What’s an Arbiter?” she asked.

Spike thought of the quickest and simplest way to answer her without confusing her with literacy.

Ditzy: (Spike) I don’t think Apple Bloom has even been taught how to read.

“A Judge.” he replied simply.

Pinkie: But he doesn’t have a cool gravel or wig!

He then looked down at the calmly silent Twilight and realised she had cried herself to sleep almost instantly.

“How is Cadence holding up with the loss?” he asked. Nopony was willing to answer, but after an uncomfortable silence that seemed to drag on, Gilda replied for them.

Ditzy: (Gilda) She kinda ran off with a katana and we haven’t seen her since.

“She’s…sort of frozen. She won’t speak, she won’t move, she’s barely even blinked since it happened.” Spike sighed, being careful not to wake the sleeping mare in his arms.

Doctor: (Spike) How long is she going to stay there? I want to be a supportive coltfriend, but I don’t want to be here all day.

“Things aren’t going well. Everything’s falling apart and we’re no closer to victory than we were before I was resurrected. This war’s going to take a toll on so many ponies.” the dragon took a moment to just relax and breathe as it almost seemed like a godsend recently.

“Preparations are almost ready, your Highness. The Leviathan is prepared to fight for us. We had to… sacrifice quite a few of our soldiers in order to strike a reasonable deal of its assistance though.”

Doctor: (Griffon) It may have left us with...five soldiers and Garry the electrician. But Bill is good with a sword, so it isn’t a complete lose.

The Gryphon King sat back in his throne, listening to the report his subordinate was giving him.

“Sacrifice is a part of war.

Doctor: Except most of your plans consist of nothing but sacrificing.

When we emerge victorious, we shall remember the names of those who sacrificed themselves for the victory of the Gryphons.

Ditzy: Yeah right.

Pinkie:(Griffon) Name one!

Doctor: (King) What?

Pinkie: (Griffon) I said name one!

Doctor: (King) Um, er, well, uh….Daxelia?

Pinkie: (Griffon) That’s not even a Griffon name!

Doctor: (King) Shut up! I’m just bad with names alright!

In the meantime, prepare to head out. I want to watch the Leviathan end Spike’s life with my own eyes. Then I will personally deal with Celestia and that ignorant sister of hers.

Pinkie: (King) She thinks My Little Human is only for little fillies and colts! I’ll show her!

Perhaps I will keep them as my pets.

Doctor: Not a good idea. Alicorns tend to scratch up the furniture.

Pinkie: And they live forever and ever!

While I find ponies to be disgusting creatures,

Pinkie: (King) They groom by licking themselves!

I’m sure I’ll find some enjoyment when I test the stamina of Alicorn Princesses.” he mused. The subordinate, held back the desire to vomit at the images brought up.

Pinkie: What? He’s just talking about racing. What’s so gross about that?

“What… are your orders, Sire?” he asked. The king returned from his reverie and looked at the gryphon before him with thought clear on his face.

“I have none to give as of this moment. Continue with the preparations. We move out at Dawn.” With that, the subordinate bowed low and hurried out of the Royal hall, intent on avoiding failure.

Doctor: (King) And don’t forget to record the latest episode of My Little Human at 11:30!

Episode 19 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 09

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 19 - Part 3

Chapter 9: Requiem

THREE MONTHS LATER

Ditzy: Time skip!

Pinkie: I wonder what new powers and looks everypony has now!

Doctor: Perfect for merchandising.

The Gryphon king stood at the peak of his tower, looking out from the porch that gave him a view of the land he controlled.

Doctor: It consisted of a small yard, a tool shed, and an inflatable pool.

For thirty years, he’d rued his people with iron talons and for thirty years, he knew his rule would never be tested.

Pinkie: He had been skipping his King Authority Test for years!

But now, as his soldiers began to retreat and die, due to the sudden increase of soldiers amongst the pony race, as well as the recent regularly scheduled interferences

Doctor: (King) No war because of rain? Dangit!

from the cause of the war, he was beginning to reach the end of his tether with everyone. Suddenly, his soldiers were incompetent,

All: Suddenly?

his bed companions unfulfilling,

Ditzy: So is this implying that Mar is paying them off to give him bad sex?

everything in his life had grown dull.

Doctor: Oh, so he’s at the point of his life where he gets a sports carriage to make himself feel young again.

And to make matters worse, he feared he was leading his gryphons into extinction.

Doctor: Well, maybe if you actually used tactics and treated your army as more than just cannon fodder this wouldn’t of happened.

While he held no personal attachment to them as a whole,

Ditzy: Wait a minute. Wasn’t this whole war about the outrage you felt over Spike killing some Griffons(in self defence)?

he knew that a king couldn’t be a king without control over others.

Pinkie: A king isn’t a king without his mustard!

Ditzy: What?

Pinkie: Come on! It’s an old saying!

Ditzy: I-it is?

Pinkie: Well duh.

Things seemed to turn even worse for him as a messenger entered his chambers.

Pinkie: (Messenger) The theater is sold out for Avengers 3!

“Your highness, I have urgent news. Over a dozen soldiers have reported having killed at least three different enemy units four to five times.

Doctor: That is only because pony soldiers only have 4 or 5 different character models.

They suspect Celestia has made a deal with changelings for reinforceme–.”

The sound of a chain rattling towards the messenger could be heard before the inevitable pierce and cessation of life.

Doctor: (King) Wait, I hope he didn’t have anything else important to tell me.

The king had thrown what was now revealed as his metal talon at the messenger and killed him on the spot.

Pinkie: (King) That’s one more off the Evil Overlord Cliche List! I should have the whole thing full by the end of the week!

Ditzy: Wait, why did he kill the messenger again? It wasn’t exactly bad news.

Doctor: Exactly how is he suppose to get any news if everyone is too scared to give him any?

As if by magic, the chain attaching the talon to his arm began to retract and clamp shut in place.

Doctor: After getting stuck on several pieces of furniture.

He growled at the news.

Ditzy: (King) Changelings…..I hate those guys.

A deal with the changelings was the last thing he needed to happen to him.

Ditzy: If the constant arthritis weren’t bad enough!

He returned to looking out at his kingdom when he heard a tutting noise a second later. He whipped his head around again to see a white gryphon with an eye patch over his right eye.

“Ever heard of the saying: ‘Don’t shoot the messenger’?” he asked,

Pinkie: He killed a messenger last week for telling him that the kitchen was out of green olives.

his deep and raspy voice chilling the king’s spine. The king just turned to the intruder and pressed his talon to his throat which didn’t seem to err the white one’s confidence.

Ditzy: Oh hey Mar.

“Who are you?” he demanded.

Pinkie: (Griffon) You can call me...Al.

The white one seemed to wink at him before replying. “The last thing you’ll ever see if you don’t stand down.” he replied.

Pinkie: (King) You’re going to turn me blind? You monster.

The king suddenly felt five sharp tips press lightly against his chest. He looked down to see a talon similar to his own,

Pinkie: If Mar couldn’t get anymore unoriginal!

though the knuckles were long black blades roughly twice the length of daggers.

Ditzy: So he’s total not stealing!

The white gryphon

Doctor: Wait, why isn’t he black or at least dark colored?

Pinkie: Lame, only cool guys are black!

before him had the blades positioned perfectly around the left side of his chest. All it would take is a thrust and a clench for his heart and left lung to be sliced into five equal pieces.

Pinkie: (King) Ha! Go ahead, I don’t need those anyway.

Ditzy: (Mar) No, I’m pretty sure you do.

Pinkie: (King) What is the lose of a heart and a lung to the king of Griffons! Such puny methods can’t beat me!

With little choice but to submit, the king stood down, returning his own weaponised talon to the ground.

Doctor: (King dejected) Ok, I give up.

“What do you want?” the king asked returning to his balcony.

Ditzy: (Mar) I just want to catch up. Don’t you remember we went to college together?

“Less paperwork to do whenever some gryphon, changeling or pony dies in this war. In short, I want the war over, and I’m going to offer you a face saving way out of this whole mess.” he replied.

Doctor: (Mar) Get on your knees and plead with Celestia.

While the king wished to know what sort of occupation required paperwork regarding the deceased from all sides of a war, he thought better than to ask and went straight to the main article.

Ditzy: (Reading) City unsure why sewer smells.

“How?” he demanded. The white one cleared his throat and waited for a moment.

“Bluff.” he said simply. The king turned to look at the white one who appeared right in front of him, almost beak to beak.

Pinkie: Now kiss.

Ditzy: Are we going to have a male on male sex scene?

“Tell the princesses that you have a certain number of forces waiting in the wings to overtake all of Equestria by storm, but you are willing to call them off if the peace treaty is renewed and placed into effect immediately.

Pinkie: (King) I have like hundred trillion griffons, a hundred dragons, a thousand cyborg ninjas, hundreds of sharks with lasers attached to their head, and several thousand rabid mutant iguana and they could totally crush Equestria in an instant! But, I’m willing to go easy on you and make peace!

In essense, wipe away the last year and start off with a clean slate.”

The king considered the option for a second.

Doctor: But stopped due to the pain from the effort.

“But the whole reason I declared war was to take revenge on that damnable dragon for killing my scouts on my territory!” he shouted.

Ditzy: They attacked him first!

Doctor: Never your fault right?

“And that’s proven to be more trouble than it’s worth. As a nomadic race, you should be admiring his tenacity and endurance.

Pinkie: (King) Do not!

Besides, I’ve seen the border of your territory as well as the resting place of your soldiers, not to mention his comrades. The truth would reveal you to be in the wrong, yet again… Hyperion.” The king went wide-eyed as his name was spoken.

Doctor: The Greek Titan of Light? Won’t it make more sense for him to be Uranus?

Ditzy: Sure, but we would probably laugh at him more.

“How do you know that name?” he asked, more shocked than anything else.

Pinkie: (Mar) You put on your Griffonbook page.

“I know the names of every living thing that has died, every living thing dying and every living thing that will eventually die.

Ditzy: That’s it? Talk about lazy.

Nothing about anyone is hidden from me, murderer.”

Doctor: Oh, that rich coming from you.

the king growled at the white gryphon and threw his talon up to his face, tearing away at the flesh.

Doctor: Tearing away a mask and revealing his true identity!

Pinkie: (Gasp) Mar was really Old Pony Jenkins all along!

“I told everyone that an assassin killed her, not me!” he shouted. The white gryphon fell back, dead. His blood began to pool out and stain the floor. Hyperion turned back around, frustrated at everything that stranger had said.

Doctor: (Hyperion) I’ve never killed anyone in my life!

“And of course they’d believe you.” Hyperion swung his head around again to find nothing, not even the blood where blood once was. The white one had disappeared from view, yet his voice still remained. “After all, no-one aside from you and her knew that your brother left the kingdom to his daughter instead of you. Of course you felt you deserved it more, given your outstanding loyalty. And upon his deathbed you murdered his daughter and opened a window, claiming an assassin did it. The others didn’t know you had a motive.”

Ditzy: Despite him being the one to gain the most from her death?

the king looked around for the source of the voice, but couldn’t find it. It was as if it was coming from all around the room.

Pinkie: (Mar) It looks like those ventriloquism lessons are really coming into use!

“Your kind used to believe that in the afterlife, if you’d committed a sin you’d be weighed down by chain and ball.

Doctor: (Mar) Because of budget cuts the ball and chain are aluminum now.

For working gryphons, it would take years of unfaltering business that infected the lives of others to create chains strong and heavy enough to carry the weight of the ball that was their sin.

Ditzy: Like cutting in line too many times.

Pinkie: Or not tipping enough.

Doctor: Or stealing pens from work.

But for someone like you who has directly cut off the life of another through your own talons… such a quick and heavy sin is murder.”

Doctor: Pot, kettle, black.

Hyperion gasped as the air around him became tight and the gravity increased to a point he was forced to his elbows and knees within the span of a second.

Ditzy: But it was all a ruse! He’s been training in 100 times Earth’s gravity!

It doubled and he was flat against the ground in half that time.

“Then… doesn’t it… make sense… to… continue the war… for the sake of… the fallen?!” he cried out. The gravity returned to normal and the air began to flow freely into his lungs again. He gasped for air and revelled in it.

Pinkie: (Mar) You’re right! What was I thinking? I’m going to help you now!

“So your answer is to bring justice to the dead through war and suffering on both fronts?” the white gryphon appeared again right in front of him through a cloud of white smoke and stopped just short of him. The king rose to his paws with difficulty.

“That is correct.” he replied.

“How stale!” the white one retorted, showing his displeasure at the mere idea.

Doctor: (Mar) Did you go to cliche villain school?

Hyperion huffed at the white gryphon and walked away from him.

Ditzy: (Hyperion) Ha, you better run!

“I know who you are now, demon.

Doctor: (Mar) Excuse me. I’m an angel, not a demon! Get it right!

And I know that you cannot kill me yourself, otherwise you would have done that. You do not ally yourself with one particular side, but simply watch from the sidelines and wait to collect the souls of the dead.

Pinkie: (Mar) Alright! I’ll I need is Raindrops’s soul and I have the whole set!

You have rules which you must follow and playing the arbiter is one such rule.” Hyperion stopped one last time at his balcony, staring confidently out toward the gryphon kingdom.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) I didn’t know they built a bowling alley at 35th. I will have to check it out later.

The white pony recalled the deal he’d made with the princesses and the changeling queen three months ago…

Ditzy: (Mar) Let me be the main character and I’ll give you 5 bits!

“It’s settled then; I’ll go to the gryphon king and attempt to convince him to give you a way out of this war. If he accepts, then it’s smooth sailing from then on, if he refuses, then I will pretend to be a gryphon and kidnap your student, Twilight Sparkle.

Doctor: Of course.

Ditzy: Can she ever not be a damsel in this?

I’ve seen the reaction the dragon has whenever she is in danger or upset

Doctor: It usually involves a lot of kicking and screaming on the ground.

and I am confident all you would need to do from then on is recall your ponies and let him work his magic, so to speak.

Pinkie: He can shoot doves out of his hat at them!

Once that’s over and done with, you three will follow behind him and take over the gryphon kingdom to expand your Equestrian Empire.”

Pinkie: (Celestia gasping) How do you know about my plans to conquer the world!?

Doctor: Why can’t you work with Spike to stop the Griffons?

Ditzy: What about afterwards? Won’t he be royally cheesed?

The angel of Death was clear and concise with the plan as he laid it out to both princesses and Queen Chrysalis.

Pinkie: (Celestia) Sorry. I wasn’t listening.

Ditzy: (Luna) Zzzzzzz….er...uh...what...right. I like this plan.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Why don’t I just kill the King, take his place, and end the war? It would be so much simpler.

“Yes, while in the meantime, Chrysalis will have her changelings change into our fallen soldiers and continue to fight. In exchange, we will allow them to take the places of those lost to us and absorb the love from the widowed.” Celestia replied.

Ditzy: That’s horrible!

Doctor: You’re really okay with this? Really?

Pinkie: Can’t the changelings and ponies just become besties?

Chrysalis nodded and offered her hoof to the white alicorn who took it with some unease and tension.

Pinkie: Chrysalis coughed into her hooves without washing them!

Luna however, had something else on her mind.

Doctor: (Luna) Won’t that give the Changelings a strong foothold in our land?

“It is such a terrible time for Twilight Sparkle’s sister to be born in.” she stated.

Pinkie: (Gasps) Twilight’s going to be a big sister! (Jumps up and down in joy)

Doctor: Not what I was expecting.

Ditzy: I suppose Velvet still is pretty young.

The angel looked to her and seemed to grow distant.

Doctor: (Mar) Velvet. How I miss you.

“Yes, Misty Nebula.

Doctor: Who?

Pinkie: Oh, that’s Minuette’s aunt!

In exchange for using miss Sparkle as bait, I shall endeavour to ensure that no more of that family will die during this war.” he said.

Ditzy: (Deadpan) How generous of you.

Pinkie: (Mar) Just think of all the bass you could catch!

Doctor: Celestia is really okay with her prized pupil being kidnapped?

“Speaking of death, there’s one thing that still confuses me.” Chrysalis piped up. All ponies looked at her, waiting for her to ask. “If you don’t allow second chances, how come Spike is still alive, shouldn’t you have killed him instead of sealing away his power?

Ditzy: When did that happen?

From what I heard, he was supposed to die when the corrupted magic took him over.” she said.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) Oh course I got the news off of a tweet, so it might not be true.

“Spike divided his soul into two prior to corrupting himself with dark magic. As far as the rules are concerned, division of the soul is equivalent to a second life.”

Ditzy: Still not getting why that is more legal than being saved by somepony.

Pinkie: It’s bureaucracy. It’s full of loopholes like that!

…The white gryphon sighed as he took into account the past with what Hyperion had just said.

Doctor: (Mar) Those were good times.

“That used to be the case. Now, I’m free.” with a buzzing sound, he was gone in a blur. Hyperion turned around to question him but saw nothing but his chambers with the messenger from before still lying in the doorway.

Ditzy: (Hyperion) Marco! Marco! Oh come on! Marco!

Spike leaped into the air and focused all his magic into his fist. As he descended upon a small platoon of gryphons, his hand collided with the ground. A wave of dark energy surged like a ripple in water, consuming and killing everything within its radius. The bodies of the gryphons were drained of all fluid and they looked like they’d been decaying for years. Spike’s scales shone black

Doctor: Black, black, black. I’m sick of that color!

Pinkie: Just a little pink would be nice.

as he grabbed another gryphon by the beak and began to drain its life force. One could watch as the muscle and fat on the creature was sucked out from its body and converted into energy.

Ditzy: But with zero calories!

He tossed the remains aside and ran full throttle into the next horde.

Ditzy: (Griffon) C'mon griffons! Nogriff lives forever!

Twilight was using her enhanced magic to overcome the resistance the gryphons had to regular magic

Doctor: So that whole resistance to magic thing was almost completely pointless.

and was giving them a good taste of her anger

Pinkie: They are going to get so many stern talking-tos!

as she took hold of several in her telekinetic energy and crushed them from the inside out,

Doctor: Have you ever considered trying to talk it out?

breaking every bone and organ in the process. Their dying screams resonated with her fury and she was sent into a hurricane of a blood rage.

Pinkie: It increased her attack speed by 15 percent and increased her life leeching by 35 percent.

Cadence fared no better as her sorrow and misery took over and had begun to mutate into a new form of dark magic that drove its targets to the brink of insanity.

Pinkie: She evolved into Mega Dark Cadance!

As an alicorn her magic was somewhat better channelled.

Doctor: Because maddening grief and rage gives you more focus.

She just strolled through the crowds of gryphons and watched with melancholy eyes as they all dropped dead out of fear of the insane images and scenarios that played randomly throughout their minds.

Doctor: Well, that’s a line that we can’t pass up.

Pinkie: So many references we could make!

Ditzy: Where to start?

Shock was one hell of a way to die when around her.

Pinkie: Lame, no blood or intestines are involved.

The rest of the elements of harmony had grown even more dismal as they watched their friends fall to darkness and sorrow one by one.

Pinkie: (Sighs) And this so easy to solve too.

Applejack had grown stronger for the sake of breaking gryphon bones with her apple bucking skills. Rainbow Dash had learned to use her Sonic Rainboom as a means to distract enemies

Pinkie: (Griffon) Ooooo. Pretty lights. Wha? Gah!

and ground airborne gryphons. Fluttershy had tapped into her affinity for animals and called Timber Wolves and all sorts of creatures from the Everfree forest, creating a legion of monsters all under her control, feeding off of her restlessness and directing it to the source.

Ditzy: …

Pinkie: …

Ditzy and Pinkie: Bwahahahahaha!

Ditzy: That’s hilarious!

Pinkie: (Wipes tears from eyes) Like that would ever happen.

Rarity began designing traps as well as armour for the others in order to protect them and bring them home safely,

Ditzy: Too bad it was completely impractical.

Pinkie: (Spike) How is a giant suit of crystal going to help me?

though she felt she was unable to contribute directly to the fight and was left to look after the fillies with Gilda who believed her presence on the field would blend in with the enemy

Doctor: Good idea actually. Spike just seems to kill everything in front of him in a blind rage.

and endanger one of two things Rainbow Dash had left to live for.

Pinkie: Her and Dashie’s Soarin memorabilia collection.

Finally, Pinkie Pie had long since lost her poufy manestyle and took up general fighting, combining it with her unnatural stealthy abilities, she was the ultimate assassin.

Ditzy: Move over Golgo!

Pinkie: Watch out for my deadly Pie to Face technique!

She returned to using her old name, Pinkamena.

Pinkie: (Blinks) When did I stop?

Having taken back yet another town along the borders of Equestria and driven the enemy that much farther back into their own territory, the group felt they had succeeded and stopped their advances on the gryphons to rest and take the time to revel in their acomplishments.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I’m so happy. 230 griffons were killed by my animal friends today! It’s such a pity the war is going to end soon. I can’t get enough of their death screams! The way their bone crunches as their body is torn to bloody shreds is like pretty bird song to me.

Though it was a small thing given what they had all lost. Twilight had lost a brother, Cadence a husband,

Pinkie: And Rarity lost a scarf because of all of the fighting!

the other elements of Harmony had lost a friend and Spike had lost any possibility of thinking he could live a happy life with Twilight after this.

Ditzy: Oh, posttraumatic stress disorder.

Doctor: No, you are giving the author too much credit.

“We did good today guys. Well done.” Spike said, ripping the hind leg of a gryphon from it’s body.

Ditzy: (Spike) I know a black market doctor that could use this.

He then began to cook it in his own fire,

All: …

Doctor: That is beyond barbaric.

Ditzy: If the senseless murder wasn’t enough.

the smell wafting to the others who once would have felt queasy at the scent, but now felt a sense of accomplishment.

Doctor And it make them secretly hungry.

Some of the wilder animals under Fluttershy’s control had begun picking off the bodies, but others had piled around Spike and Twilight, trying to get their meat cooked.

Ditzy: (Wolf) Can I get my meat boiled?

Pinkie: (Lion) Can I get it with ketchup?

It wasn’t until they went homeward that everything turned dark yet again for the group, especially spike. Travelling single file,

All:(Singing) Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

It's off to work we go!

they all heard a thump from behind and the sound of Twilight crying out for aid.

Ditzy: Twilight got so distracted by her singing that she stepped in a pothole and fell over.

Spike saw a white gryphon with an eyepatch holding Twilight in his arm.

Pinkie: (Spike) Twilight, how could you!? (sobs)

Twilight’s cried ceased as he headbutted the mare, knocking her out.

Doctor: Like in the movies. One hit always knocks you out.

Ditzy: Couldn’t he just use a spell for that?

“If you want your partner back, destroy the gryphon king and anyone he sends at you. Then she’ll be yours once again.” he said, taking to the skies. Spike growled and pointed a finger at the white gryphon.

Pinkie: (Spike) Objection!

“I’m not playing your game. She stays here!” he shouted, a line of black shot out towards Twilight and the gryphon,

Doctor: Um, aren’t you worried about incinerating Twilight?

but instead of making contact, the gryphon shot upward, creating a sonic boom similar to Rainbow Dash’s without the colour.

Pinkie: A Sonic….Black Boom?

“NO!” Spike roared,

Pinkie: (Spike) That move is copyrighted!

spreading his reverse-angled wings and following after him.

Ditzy: Only to fly backwards into the ground.

He was stopped by Cadence as she grabbed him in her magical aura and brought him down.

“Cadence, let me go! I’m not going to lose Twilight too. She’s the whole reason I’m fighting now, just as Gilda is to Rainbow Dash or you to the memory of Shining Armour.” Cadence felt a pang of emotional agony at her husband’s name, but she remained in control of herself.

“I know you want to save her, but rushing in blindly to the epicentre of the enemy’s territory is just foolhardy. Who knows what they have planned for you there?”

Pinkie: Whatever it is. It’s not a party!

Spike was forced to watch as the white gryphon disappeared into the clouds with Twilight in his arms, waiting for him to follow.

Doctor: Heaven forbid she rescue herself.

“I’ll kill them… I’LL KILL THEM ALL!!!”

Pinkie: It’s nice to see that Spike is able to keep a clear head in stress filled situations!

Ditzy: Ugh, I never thought that the shadowy guy from last time would turn out like this.

Doctor: It looks like we’re stuck with him.

Pinkie: Is he the new main character now? The story seems to be all about him.

Ditzy: Let’s get out of here. Cake awaits us!

Doctor: (Nods)

Pinkie: Cake!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entity looked down on the trio in anger and envy. Pinkie was dancing in the middle of the room to a dubtrot song coming from speakers on one of the wall monitors. Ditzy was pouring herself some punch while the Doctor was munching on some cake. It felt to the entity that they were mocking it. It wanted to join in and have some fun. It hadn’t had anything to eat in so long. It could kill for a piece of cake now. It glared at the Doctor as he ate a piece a cake in hate. It was his fault it was stuck like this, stuck in this formless invisible shape barely able to interact with the physical world.

Ditzy invited Pinkie over and they started chatting. The Doctor ignored them and continued to chow down on his cake. The entity thought as it watched them. It was a pain trying to get at the Doctor. He was lucky and resourceful. Stupid lucky as the entity thought about it. Every attempt took up precious energy that was hard to gather. It doubted possessing Ditzy would work so well a second time, and suggesting her to kill the Doctor in his sleep won’t work. She would just shrug it off and ignore it. It couldn’t really make somepony do something they didn’t want to do. It needed to find a more effective way to strike at the Doctor, but how?

“Oh come. Just ask him.” Ditzy pressured Pinkie.

“Well....” Pinkie hesitated.”He always been so reluctant whenever I try anything!”

“Just don’t push him too hard. He doesn’t like that.” Ditzy advised. “Just give him some breathing room and you will be fine.”

“Say Doctor?” Pinkie asked getting in front of him to get his attention.

“Hmm?” He responded looking at Pinkie curiously.

“Timey would you like to dance? Well. Would ya?! Would ya?!” Pinkie asked eagerly.

“Well, um.” The Doctor stumbled. He started to back away as Pinkie got into his face with an expectant look. Ditzy coughed in her hoof. Pinkie backed up a respectful distance and tried again.

“I mean. Doctor would you like to have this dance?” Pinkie asked more courteously.

“Sure?”

Pinkie exploded in joy and grabbed the Doctor and pulled him into the middle of the room. She made sure not to pull him too hard. She started dancing wildly while the Doctor slowly recovered from the sudden movement. When he got his bearings back he started dancing with her. It looked like he was having fun. Ditzy was practically cheering in the background.

The entity flared up again in anger. It wanted to have fun too. It started concentrating its fury on the Doctor hoping energy would appear and fry him. This, however, didn’t happen. This suddenly got the entity an idea.

“That might work.” It thought. “I haven’t tried that yet.” It grew confident and chuckled. “This time Doctor you won’t be so lucky!”

“It is such a terrible time for Twilight Sparkle’s sister to be born in.” she stated.

Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 10

Hello everyone. This time we are going to finish up Spread of Darkness by Grimm Reaper. It’s been pretty fun revisiting the Darkness universe after so long. Is Spread of Darkness better than Darkness of Love? Well, no. Thinking about. Mar Grimm just ruins the story. He’s probably the most blatant example of a self insert Mary Sue ever! Anyway, I am glad that I will never have to deal with him again. Though, I fear I might one day run into someone worse than him. You never realizejust how far the rabbit hole goes sometimes.

I am going to change my schedule a bit. Instead of Kingdom of Monsters, I am going to be doing Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash! The prequel of Boast Bustedthe first Lunaverse story! It’s all a bit confusing. Boast Busted is the first written Lunaverse story, but it is the seventh story in canon and LNLD is second story written shortly afterward as a prequel to Boast Busted. It’s weird. The Lunaverse wasn’t really started with any plan in mind. I’ve already started writing quite a bit on it, so the wait should be too long. After that thenI will do Kingdom of Monsters. Sorry for the delay. I might have been a little too eager to riff LNLD. Also, I really need to stop giving myself such a ridiculous workload. I still have 6 other stories I need to do and LNLD is a pretty long story. I hate my overachieving tendencies.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to The Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 20 - Part 1

Ditzy cheered the Doctor on as he balanced on a unicycle that was on a tightrope. He was holding his front two hooves out for balance. The tight room was set up in the main bedroom connected to two opposite walls with a mattress underneath. So far he was doing a good job. Pinkie was sitting on the side lines while also yelling out advice. A three days ago Pinkie pulled a trick where she rode a unicycle across a tightrope while balancing 5 balls on her head during one of her parties and the Doctor asked Pinkie to teach him how to do it. She said yes naturally and the Doctor had been hard working training himself to perform this trick.

The reason he was doing this Ditzy guessed was to prove that he could also perform such a fantastical stunt. It seemed to Ditzy that the Doctor’s bragging about Time Lords having enhanced balance wasn’t a total lie. She doubted that she could even attempt this. Ditzy was impressed with the amount of practice the Doctor put in. He also somehow had some experience crossing tight ropes as well.

“And move your body a little to the left. Now straighten up a little and tilt to the left. Okay, now tilt a little to the left. You’re a little too straight. Now…” Pinkie suggested helpfully before being interrupted by the Doctor.

“Pinkie please. You’re not helping.” The Doctor tried to say patiently.

“Okay-dokie-loki!” Pinkie responded, but it didn’t stop her cheering. The Doctor has almost half way done already.

“They are so cute together.” Ditzy thought watching this. All the work she put into getting the Doctor a marefriend was coming into fruition. Ditzy thought the Time Lord deserved to have somepony special in his life. Despite all the smiling, Ditzy could tell how unhappy he was deep down. She couldn’t stand seeing one of the best friends she ever had like that.

Ditzy watch in alarm as the Doctor started to lose his balance and fell into the mattress below. He grumbled and Pinkie rushed up to him.

“Oh that was super close! You almost made it!” Pinkie lamented. “You’re getting really good Timey!”

“Yes I think so too.” The Doctor said as he got up from the mat. “By the next time I see you I should have the trick completely mastered. I plan to add my own touch to it when I do.”

Pinkie tilted her head. “Really?”

“Yes, I plan to be juggling as well.” The Doctor boldly proclaimed. Ditzy giggled. He never liked being outdone by somepony else. Pinkie’s randomness and physics defying feats just added fuel to the fire.

Pinkie gleamed with joy. “I can’t wait to see it!”

“That’s so cool Doctor!” Ditzy added though she wondered if he could actually pull this one off, but she knew he was one not to be underestimated. Still, this trick did seem a bit much even for him. He wasn’t Pinkie Pie after all.

The Doctor gave a confident smirk. It seemed to her that he had an unending supply of confidence. She wondered where he kept it all. “Almost time for experiment already? Time sure flies.” The Doctor said after noticing the time. He started walking towards the door with his two companions following.

Pinkie bounced up and down excitedly. “I can’t wait to see what sort of wacky situations Spike will get into this week!”

“Yeah, wacky situations…” Ditzy said depressed.

Pinkie stopped. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s this fic. It drains the life out of me.” Ditzy explained. “I don’t think I even have the energy to be angry.”

It seemed Pinkie caught on to her meaning. “Oh, this is about how Spike is portrayed!”

“Well, yeah. They make him like the worst character ever.” Ditzy elaborated. “Seeing Spike do all these heinous things is just…it just drains all the fun out of doing these. And I just know it’s going to get worse!”

Pinkie thought for a moment and sat next to Ditzy. “I know it bad, but it isn’t Spike. It is just some adolescent fantasy of what they think a cool pony is.”

“Yeah, but…” Ditzy was cut off by Pinkie.

“You know Spike right?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, yeah. Obviously.”

“So you know that Spike would never do these things. You know that Spike is a kind dragon that would never relish in violence and be a meany pants that enjoys hurting ponies and laugh about it.”

“I know but..” Pinkie cut her off again.

“No matter what the author does, you know deep down that Spike would never be like this. It’s just a silly fic, with some silly ideas of what Spike should be like.” Pinkie continued. “He will always be the dragon you love and admire and nothing the author can do can change that.”

“You’re right Pinkie.” Ditzy smiled. “Thanks. That makes me feel better.”

“Well, duh!” Pinkie rolled her eyes in an exaggerated fashion. “It’s kinda my job! Now let’s go join Timey and finish this!”

Ditzy nodded. She was glad to see the backside of the fic. The two left to join the Doctor in the main meeting room.

“Greetings my little test subjects.” Dinky greeted when all three finally gathered in the main meeting room.

“Hey Dinky!” Pinkie greeted.

“Finally we can finish Spread of Darkness!” Ditzy proclaimed eagerly.

“Quite. I am glad we will finally be rid of it.” Doctor replied.

“Yes, and a certain pony can finally leave!” Dinky said rather harshly. Ditzy had no idea why Dinky had grown to dislike Pinkie so much.

“It was fun hanging with you guys, but I really miss sleeping in my own bed!” Pinkie explained. Since coming here she had been sharing the bed with Ditzy since once again Dinky refused to give them two beds. The Doctor refused to share the bed with the two of them and stubbornly slept on the floor. Thankfully it wasn’t a Neighpon love hotel bed like the last one. “And Gummy must really miss me!”

“Understandable.” The Doctor said simply.

“Who is looking after him? Fluttershy?” Ditzy asked curious.

“Naw, Bulk Biceps! The two have been best buds for years!” Pinkie explained.

“Oh.” Ditzy replied imagining the two hanging out together.

“Today you will be reading chapter 10, 11, 12, and the epilogue of Spread of Darkness by Grimm Reaper. Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her usual evil laugh. Ditzy had no idea why she presently kept using that. It wasn’t intimidating in the slightest. The experiment alarm went off and the three friends headed towards the theater.

“This is bad, this is very, very bad!” Luna said

Ditzy: (Luna) They just can’t get our nose right!

as a white gryphon she and Celestia recognised as the Angel appeared with Twilight in tow.

Doctor: (Twilight) What am I a piece of luggage? Put me down this instant!

“I admit I’m still nervous about the idea myself. However, I see no other option short of asking him to intervene directly and that comes at a cost too great to even consider.” Celestia replied,

Doctor: (Celestia) Twelve bits with tax.

sighing as she looked hopefully at the angel, who was unwilling to humour her.

Ditzy: Just work together with Spike! You don’t even need angel face there!

“It appears our plan has hit somewhat of a snag as well.” he said, changing his form to that of a pony.

Pinkie: (Mar) I grabbed Twilight Sky by mistake.

Doctor: (Twilight Sky) Dude. Do you like think you could let me go? I have band practice in an hour.

He stood as tall as Celestia, but took on the form of a dragon winged Pegasus.

Ditzy: Only losershave normal pegasus wings!

“I do not want to hear that from you of all ponies, Grimm. If your plan fails, we’re doomed.

Ditzy: Oh,come on. Aren’t the Griffons losing badly? You could probably win without Spike!

Pinkie: And they could totally kick the king’s flank by themselves!

Doctor: Anyone else find it really disturbing that all the mares in this story are pretty much totally helpless and weak and need a stallion to save them?

Ditzy: Celestia! I never even thought of that!

Pinkie: Great! There is going to be a heated argument about that in the comment section now!

Spike’s going to find out you took Twilight and brought her here, then he’ll find out we planned this and he’ll kill us.” the sun princess began to pace on the spot before she was knocked over by Twilights body.

Pinkie: Hey! I told Luna to put back Twilight in the toy bin before going to bed!

“Shut up and stop whining. You’re a princess for goodness sake. If you were still children, then I’d understand.

Doctor: It’s almost as if the author has no idea how to write for you!

Besides, you forget the deal I made with you both a thousand years ago.” the two princesses looked at him and released their nervous breath.

Pinkie: (Celestia) We totally still have that lawn mower you leant us! It’s, um, just lost in the garage somewhere!

“I didn’t think you still adhered to the old rules… Mar Grimm; not since you supposedly liberated yourself from the Elders.” Luna retorted. Mar threw himself forward, knocking the princess into the wall and pinning her a foot above it.

“Don’t doubt me and don’t dare say my name so lightly.

Ditzy: (Mar) Call me Mar Grimm-sama!

Pinkie: Ok, we’ll call you Grimmy!

We’re partners in business only, nothing more.” he quickly jabbed his hoof further against her neck before letting her fall back down, coughing. She looked back up at the stallion with renewed fear.

Ditzy: Ok, that’s it. I am getting really really tired that nopony can do anything to him!

Doctor: It will probably turn out that he has a heart of gold or some such nonsense.

“Now, when Twilight wakes, inform her of the plan and make sure she doesn’t escape.

Doctor: No need to worry about that. She’s completely useless in this story!

There’s always the chance she’ll want to stop Spike from putting himself in danger.” he continued, heading for the exit.

“You never did understand love, did you?” Celestia asked, shifting Twilight’s position on her back to make her more comfortable.

Pinkie: By standing her on the her head!

Mar said nothing as before he reached the door, he disappeared in a blur and a burst of sound.

“I understood the feeling, just not what a relationship entails.” his voice echoed for a few seconds.

Ditzy: (Mar) Love is the feeling that you have when you release air from your mouth and nose suddenly and involuntarily right?

Doctor: (Celestia) No, that’s sneezing.

Ditzy: (Mar) Nonsense! Mar Grimm is never wrong!

Chrysalis shuddered as she received information from one of her children that the angel had returned to her cave.

Ditzy: He was carrying an anime body pillow he bought online.

Some of her babies were still taking on the forms of ponies who were lost I battle. She knew that they would have to keep up appearances for the sake of those families who were waiting for their lovers and parents’ return, and she knew she wouldn’t see most of them as often as she would have liked,

Doctor: Isn’t it a shame how some families grow distant because of work?

but it was for the survival of her race that made her determination towards the angel’s plan infallible; not the survival through sustenance, no, that was assured; but the survival through peace between Equestria and her children. Her previous failure against the ponies revealed that the very thing she was after from them could wind up choking them to death. Though the original pair that had defeated her was divided through death,

Ditzy: Actually, Candace broke Shining Armor out of Hades and now they are having their second honeymoon!

the threat remained in the form of the dragon and the unicorn. But that threat was secondary now she had made a deal with the devil, or what passed for him.

Said devil emerged from the shadows ahead and approached the queen with a casual demeanour.

Pinkie: (Mar) Hey girlfriend! How’s it hanging!?

Every step he took resonated through the caves and forced Chrysalis to shudder as he stopped short of her muzzle.

Doctor: (Changeling) Mind keeping it down. Some changelings are trying to sleep here!

Everything about him freaked her out. His draconic stare, the lack of breath from his lungs that she should have felt, the quiet that surrounded them, even the colour of his coat and his bleached blonde mane and tail betrayed his occupation and personality.

Ditzy: You means Mar isn’t some laid back surfer pony!?

She saw him as a dark and cold creature with self-loathing on the surface and universal hatred for everything else on the inside. Every aspect of this stallion screamed wrong.

Pinkie: And he rooted for the Nieghami Dolphins!

She caught her breath as he locked his mouth to hers. There was no passion in the act, at least not from his side. An explosion of converted love entered her body and she could feel her strength flowing through her. In seconds, it was overflowing, like water from a pond had been compressed into a small glass and released. She almost broke as the surge of power distorted her senses.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) I can like taste colors now!

She’d only felt like this a couple of times before, during her time masquerading as Cadence. Certain acts were played out between herself and Shining Armour prior to their wedding.

Ditzy: She still couldn’t believe that Shining convinced her to come to his local LARPing group.

She could feel it, the danger mixed in with the act.

Ditzy: She might get vomit flavored love!

While the angel was transferring love from his collection of souls, he was tearing away at her walls. Her strength was gaining, but was giving way to vulnerability.

Doctor: It gave her a weakness to words that begin with the letter K.

And for those few seconds, she felt what it was like to be a pony and experience love instead of feed upon it, and it drove her crazy.

The angel pulled away with lips as dry as when he’d started.

Pinkie: He really needs to use ChapStick!

Chrysalis fell to the ground, the loving experience vanishing as she broke contact with him. She didn’t know what had happened, but she was certain that she’d felt something akin to ecstasy. The proof was in the pudding as she looked down and found herself sitting in a puddle of her own juices.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Grape juice! The heck?

This embarrassed her to no end. Not only was she spent right before the angel of death, but her children were watching with horror-stricken faces.

Pinkie: Grape juice is so hard to get out of carpets!

What’s worse was that Chrysalis wanted to feel that feeling again. She wanted to feel love instead of feeding off of it.

“What did you just do to me?!” she demanded. Her outrage poorly masked her true feelings towards the subject.

Doctor: She was actually slightly amused borderlining on laughter.

The angel just lifted her head with his hoof and flashed his eyes at her.

Pinkie: Oh! I think he’s trying to say something! Eat.At.Joes. Eat.At.Joes.

“I tested you. I wanted to get a feel for the limits of your changeling abilities. I’d hoped you could change into someone I knew, but sadly, that’s impossible. You can’t change into those long dead, just those who have died recently.

Doctor: I don’t see why not. It’s just an illusion spell.

Sadly, that’s of no use to me” he replied.

Pinkie: (Mar) Great! There goes my plan to make out with the all the top supermodels in the past 200 years!

The changelings, having thought the angel had done something dangerous to their queen, began to surround him and bare their fangs ferociously. The angel saw in their eyes their intentions.

Ditzy: (Mar) No! Please don’t hurt me!

They wanted to look formidable before the god-like creature. However, the angel was unfazed by their threats.

Ditzy: If you ignore the fact he was the one lying in a puddle of his own juices

With a stomp of his hoof, a wave of wind blew outward from his body and threw the creatures back. Chrysalis was sent into her throne, her legs sprawled out in a very compromising fashion. She remained as she was, too frightened to move.

Ditzy: Grrr.

Doctor: (Sighs)

Pinkie: This is like the tenth time somepony has cowered in fear in front of him?

At that moment, it looked as though the angel was going to mount the helpless changeling,

Pinkie: (Mar) Giddy up Chrysalis! Giddy up!

but he just brought his face closer and whispered into her ear.

Doctor: (Mar) Hail Hydra.

“I know what you truly desire.

Ditzy: A jacuzzi?

Pinkie: A new Mega Mare game?

Doctor: A lifetime supply of fruity pebbles?

And if all goes well, you and your children shall have it.

Ditzy: You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! Everypony gets a car!

For now, what do you want to do to pass the time?”

Doctor: (Mar) We could play Hungry Hungry Hippos!

Chrysalis was close to the breaking point. She was being driven to near insanity thanks to this creature.

Doctor: Like the fact that he liked to put his dirty hooves on the table.

However, a base desire entered her mind and she blushed before whispering the response out of earshot of her children.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) I want a new season of Firefly.

The angel reared his head back and looked at her with the same blank expression he always seemed to wear. “Very well.” he said, turning to the other changelings. “Leave us.”

Without any hesitation, the changelings scattered towards the exits. Finally, Chrysalis’ curiosity would be sated on this night as she was left alone with death looming over her.

(Clop Scene)

Ditzy: That would be like watch a mare hump a plank of wood.

Doctor: No, the plank of wood would have more personality.

“I’m not one for standing around trying to come up with a plan, Rarity, especially when Twilight’s in danger.

Doctor: (Spike) Rushing into danger without any idea what I am getting into in is more my style!

I had no choice when you were captured by the diamond dogs, but this is a completely different situation and there was nothing I could do on my own back then.”

Pinkie: That didn’t stop you from charging on Twilight’s back with a spear!

Spike struggled to fight the urge to jump out of his seat and dive for the nearest window toward where he thought Twilight was.

Pinkie: Spike didn’t want to break yet another glass window. Twilight was already furious about the last five he broke.

Cadence and Rarity had managed to convince him to stay and listen to their plan, but in the long run, it was to say the least… stupid. With little option left, he grated the arms of the chair with his ever eager claws. Chunks of wood splintered to the sides as his temper began to get the best of him.

Pinkie: (Spike) Ow! Splinters! Ow!

“I’m serious, Darling. It’s best to get help from the princesses. If you go it alone, they’ll have a trap set for you.”

“There’s nothing they can do.

Ditzy: The author really thinks that they are that powerless doesn’t he?

They can’t stop me. They’ll all die for taking her from me…”

Ditzy: (Spike) I need my snu snu!

Spike began to growl and groan as he tried desperately to supress his urge to destroy everything around him.

Pinkie: (Spike) So I will destroy everything on XPony Live instead!

That consciousness within him loved Twilight as much as he did, and it was furious to say the least.

“Spike…” Cadence hesitated as Spike began to growl and it gradually expanded into a full on roar.

“GrrrrrrrrrraaAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!” his scales burst forth from his body, giving way to the new coat of

Doctor: Pink?

Ditzy: Blue?

Pinkie: Plaid?

black,

All: Ohhhhhhhhh.

Doctor: Didn’t see that coming.

seeping darkness from beneath them like tar. With the smoke cleared, his new form was sharper; his spines pointier and stronger. His scales were glazed over with darkness and he was audibly furious as the distorted cries of the dragon echoed through the Everfree forest,

Doctor: (Spike) Wahhhhhhhhhhhh! They took my Twilight!

amplified by the halls of the castle. With a sharp twist, Spike had erupted once more into a small tornado of darkness that dissipated within seconds, revealing the dragon’s absence. Cadence sat down, defeated once again. She sighed and thought about what might happen now that the dragon was unrestrained and uniquely pissed.

Ditzy: Time to call animal control.

The Gryphon king found out within minutes as the city to the east was reported destroyed in under three, followed by the neighbouring town between the capitol and that city.

“My lord, Spike has appeared in the Eastern city and has already annihilated it,

Ditzy: Our hero!

Doctor: Killing innocent civilians that have nothing to do with him or his situation!

moving on to Skyclaw Village.” the reporter declared.

Doctor: (Reporter) I am from the Griffonstone Daily. Any comment on this tragedy?

The king growled and pounded the stone floor beneath him.

Pinkie: (Floor) Hey! What did I do!? It’s not my fault you stink so bad!

“Enough is enough! Release the Leviathan.”

All: Release the Kraken!

the reporter swallowed and bowed low to the king.

Ditzy: (Reporter) This isn’t my job!

Not another word was said as the reported left to relay the order.

Ditzy: So what is a giant sea creature going to do against a guy that can decimate cities with energy blasts?

All the while, the king was focusing less on Spike and more on that white gryphon

Doctor: Who is obviouslythe real threat here.

who had demonstrated unnatural power.

Pinkie: He had the power to never misplace his keys!

So he was death incarnate?

Pinkie: Actually it was only a part time job for him! He usually waits tables!

In that case, what did the future hold for the world as he knew it?

Doctor: (Hyperion) Maybe we can finally get hoverboards and flying cars! Back to the Future 2 promised them!

Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 12

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 20 - Part 3

Chapter 12: End Of The Line

Ditzy: Hooray!

Spike dodged yet another stream of high powered water. He learned quickly that his supposed greatest weapon was susceptible to water.

Doctor: If by susceptible you mean hilariously weak to.

Pinkie: (Spike) 60 percent chance of rain? Crud!

The first jet had skimmed across the tar like surface, leaving a very bad burn. He knew then what would happen if he took on a direct hit. Spike was smart,

Ditzy: He brought a wetsuit just in case!

but he couldn’t see a way to prevent being flayed alive while he was in the heat of battle.

Pinkie: (Spike) If only I had some way to attack it from a distance. Perhaps with an energy beam of some kind.

His own attacks proved ineffective as the Leviathan was still slicked with water at the time.

Ditzy: So the power of darkness’s weakness makes it absolutely worthless. I wonder is Ansem would be so interested in the darkness after learning that!

Doctor: So this means I could defeat a dark user by dousing myself with water?

Pinkie: I will have to remember to bring a squirt gun the next time we fight King Sombra!

The dragon was on his last legs as he’d been repeatedly struck by the creature before him. He could hear the darkness within his mind screaming,

Pinkie: (Darkness) Not the face! Not the face!

throwing out more of the tar-like substance to try and defend itself. With another dodge, Spike found himself standing next to a barrel filled with spears and sharpened weapons outside the ruined Blacksmith’s house. He reached out and grabbed all the weapons in the barrel with the tar and flung them as hard as he could at the Leviathan. Most stuck into unimportant areas all over its body, just agitating the creature further, but one spear managed to sail through the air and stuck true to its left eye.

Pinkie: Ding ding ding! The lucky winner gets a prize!

The Leviathan halted its relentless pursuit of the dark dragon and tried its best to remove the offending spear from its eye. As it fumbled around with its tentacles, trying to get a good grip,

Pinkie: (Leviathan) If only I had hooves!

Spike took the chance and ran to the left side of the creature so as not to get caught in its line of sight. He’d planned on physically climbing the creature to deal a killing blow to its head, but the wet surface eliminated that idea.

Pinkie: He fell flat on his face!

Ditzy: If only he had some way to fly!

With no other option, Spike opted to retreat and find a way around the creature to the king.

Doctor: No idea how he will be able to manage that!

Pinkie: (Spike) Stupid forced encounters!

It was then the Leviathan was knocked back by a strange ball of energy, somewhat familiar to him. A bipedal figure, cloaked in white

Ditzy: It’s Ryu from Street Fighter of course!

with the head of a pony appeared next to him.

Ditzy: I thought tikbalang were only a myth!

It was death, another enemy to deal with.

Doctor: Where is his dragon skull?

Pinkie: It’s in the wash.

“You can’t defeat the Leviathan, Spike. Leave him to me.

Ditzy: (Mar) Nopony can out Sue me!

You go on and take out that king.” he said. Without another word, he tossed Spike a small object

Pinkie: (Spike) A magic eight ball?

Ditzy: (Mar) It will aid you in your fight against the king. With it you will be five steps ahead of him.

and leapt into the air. With the rate of speed at which he went as well as the full strength of the Angel, the physical impact he created with his fist sent a shock wave that made a crater along the torso of the Leviathan. The creature was sent into the air and thrown across the land about a kilometre away.

Ditzy: (Mar) Grimm Punch!

Spike couldn’t hide his surprise at the angel’s strength, but did as he was told after a moment of awe.

Pinkie: (Spike) So that is the strength a true Mary Sue. You have taught me what a truly means to be a Sue.

The darkness within him had died down out of surprise

Ditzy: (Spike downtrodden) I’ll never be a cool as him.

as well and Spike’s scales shone dark in the sunlight. With new determination, he made track for the castle where the Gryphon king would be, as would Twilight.

Pinkie: (Spike) I wonder if I can find a convenience store before I get to the castle. I could really go for a Mr. Pibb right now.

Mar watched Spike speed off (with the running speed of Sonic the Hedgehog)

All: Spike

He can really move

Spike

He's got an attitude

Spike

He's the fastest thing alive!

towards where he knew the Gryphons’ castle resided.

Doctor: Thank you Google Maps!

The roar of the Leviathan brought his attention back to the battle.

Ditzy: (Spike) Huh, I thought Death would last longer than that...

“You got up fast. Not even Zeus recovered that quickly. Three hundred years ago, you might have posed a threat to me. Shame, you’d have made a good challenge.”

Ditzy: (Mar) I level grinded off of rats for several hours before this fight.

he said, cracking his knuckles.

Pinkie: (Mar) Gah! My hands!

Ditzy: Looks like somepony forgot they have super strength.

As he cracked the knuckles on his right hand, his fingers disappeared and were replaced by short blades no longer than twenty inches in length with a black surface.

Doctor: Mar is Edward Scissorhands!

On the back of his glove appeared a symbol similar to yin and yang with a slight variance in shape.

Ditzy: So this is totally not stealing!

This was the ‘Seal of Mar’; his family seal. With the dragon skull mask over his head, his voice became distorted.

“Let’s see what you can do.” Mar coaxed,

All: What?

dashing into battle with the creature.

Twilight galloped to the ruins she believed the others would be to check up on their wellbeing. To her relief they were fine, but wanted to help her go after Spike.

“No, only I can be there.

Pinkie: (Twilight) The author can’t think up lines for you all.

Spike won’t be able to fight at his fullest with liabilities hindering him.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) What are you saying? We’ve been kicking griffon flank from here to next week!

I’m immune to his power now,

Doctor: Since when?

Pinkie: (Author) Just take my word on it! Twilight’s totally been immune for like forever now!

so he won’t have to worry about me. I have to go there alone and help him defeat the Gryphon King once and for all.” she deadpanned,

Pinkie: (Twilight) By doing my duty as his marefriend by standing on the sidelines as a cheerleader!

leaving them behind with those words.

Doctor: That they promptly ignored.

Her teleport led her to the edge of the castle where guards surrounded her upon sight.

Pinkie: (Guard) Oh my… Twilight Sparkle!? Can i get an autograph? I’m such a big fan!

She looked at the ones in front of her and huffed.

Ditzy: (Twilight) What a waste of time. I will barely get any EXP from these guards, I only have 529 experience points left to go until I level up!

“Piss off!” she said, snapping her magic for an instant. A wave rushed outward, blowing the dust, wind, dirt and guards away in an outward arc. When the gryphons landed on the ground, they began to fidget and convulse as necrosis took hold and ate away at their flesh at an accelerated rate, leaving little more than bones, weapons and armour in its wake.

Pinkie: You could have just asked nicely!

Doctor: Got love how she kills without being provoked at all.

Ditzy: Couldn’t she just put them to sleep or something?

Twilight advanced forward and made her way for the throne room, clearing the path ahead with similar ease.

Doctor: Stealth? What’s that?

She was in a bad mood, thanks to her teacher’s little trick.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I can’t believe I bought her lie that Mega Mare Legends 3 is coming back!

As she appeared in the throne room where the king, Hyperion himself waited, he seemed surprised to see Twilight and not Spike before him.

Doctor: (Hyperion) At last my nemesis Spike! Prepare to.... or it you...um….how are you? Did you have a hard time getting here? Would you like some tea and cake?

“You are not the one I was expecting to see, Miss Sparkle. May I ask why you are here?” he asked.

Doctor: He’s polite for a crazy despot.

Twilight just cracked her neck and made her way over to the throne, sitting next to it.

“I’m waiting for Spike to come and kill you.

Pinkie: (Blinks) Why not you?

Ditzy: (Twilight) The author thought the fight needed a sideline commentator.

You’ve held off our reunion for far too long,

Pinkie: (Twilight) How have you been!? How’s little Gilbert doing? He’s probably huge by now!

you and the princesses. For that, I want to see the light leave your eyes. Whether the princesses follow you or not is up to him.” she replied.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’m perfectly fine with Spike killing the pony that was basically a second mother to me.

Doctor: What about Mar? The one that killed your brother and orchestrated this whole debacle?

Hyperion nodded in understanding and took a seat on his throne, looking across the arm to Twilight.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) So....um….nice weather we’re having today!

“Then we shall simply wait for him to arrive. Let us hope the Leviathan doesn’t burn his scales off before that happens. I’d very much like to kill him myself.” he responded, testing his fake claw.

Doctor: Hyperion quickly got some super glue after accidentally breaking off one of the claws.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) Stupid bitland cheap knockoff!

“I don’t think the Leviathan will be a problem for Spike. He’s smarter than most other dragons.

Doctor: (Twilight) He majored in philosophy!

He’ll be here soon.” Twilight defended her love.

Pinkie: That’s where you’re wrong! Spike was completely useless against that thing!

“Sooner than you think.” a voice said from behind them.

Doctor: (Spike) I totally beat that thing with little difficulty! You should have seen how I destroyed that thing in one hit!

Pinkie: (Spike) I totally didn’t run with my tail in between my legs and let somepony cooler and better than me handle the fight!

Before either of them could turn around, Hyperion was sent flying forward along with his throne across the room as Spike bucked the thing off its hinges. Hyperion picked himself up off the floor and brushed himself off.

“How is it that you simply won’t die no matter what I throw at you?” he asked in irritation.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) I was so sure the commando sabertooths would get you!

Spike stepped forward and stood at his full height with his wings furled against his back.

Ditzy: (Spike) With the power of love, (almost) nothing can stop me!

“The scouts from the Mountain could not kill me. Your Leviathan could not hold me.

Doctor: (Spike) Totally didn’t run away from a hopeless fight!

And you will not see the end of this day! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!” Spike shouted at him.

Ditzy: (Spike) I will kill you!

He was about to go dark again, but something forced it back down, more like ripped the darkness out of him. The seal grew black, filled with the darkness that once embodied Spike. He tried to enforce the darkness on himself, but nothing happened.

Pinkie: (Spike) Er, um, well...could I get a time out?

“It seems you’ve been cut off from the darkness within. Death is on my side after all.

All: How convenient.

How fortuitous for me.” Hyperion said,

Doctor: The author had to contrive some reason that stopped Spike from instantly crushing you.

taking his crown off and tossing it to Twilight.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) A gift to a lucky fan!

“The winner of this battle wins the throne. Are you interested, Spike?” he asked. Spike smiled and nodded.

Pinkie: (Spike) I ‘ve always wanted to be a princess!

“Sure. It’s about time I got something out of this war.”

Ditzy: (Spike) Griffon gift shops are terrible!

Mar landed on the ground, straightening up and took a few steps forward. He then swung around and threw his bladed hand upward. One of the Leviathan’s many tentacles were sliced clean off.

Pinkie: (Leviathan) Owww! What was that for?

The creature backed off to cry out in pain and get used to it before charging back at its attacker. By this time it had suffered the loss of several tentacles, an entire arm, the same eye Spike had blinded and three teeth. The creature was almost gone.

Doctor: (Leviathan) Gah, why I am always the one to get a limb cut off or two to show how cool someone is? Don’t they realize how much that hurts?

“You’ve proven to be a good exercise for me. You’re en par with Hades in terms of endurance and stamina.

Ditzy: (Mar) Have you been working out at the gym?

Not surprising since you’re what we like to call a Proto-titan.

Doctor: We needed a thousand more bits to create the final version!

I’ll give you an appropriate send off.” he said.

Pinkie: (Mar) Good thing I brought fireworks with me.

With a deep breath, Mar impaled himself with his blades.

Doctor: (Mar) Gah, that...was...stupid.

The black around the surface of the blades came off like ink spreading along his clothes.

Pinkie: (Mar) Great. I’ll never get that out!

It spread past his clothes and engulfed his entire body, turning him into a silhouette for a brief moment. Almost instantly, the silhouette exploded in a burst of light and Mar had been transformed into a black dragon with fur instead of scales.

Ditzy: He’s so cute! Can I scratch his ears?

His clothes remained the same. His bladed hand was gone, now replaced with Draconic claws. Instead of being impaled, Mar held his right hand to his chest with a slight bow in his stance.

Ditzy: Why did he need to impale himself to do this again?

“This is who I really am; Mar Grimm, the Angel of Death. And this is my true form.”

Ditzy: Wait, how can you be an angel when you’re a...dragon.

Pinkie: Bah! Details details.

He held his arms forward and locked them in a cross shape. He spread his wings and shot up faster than the eye could follow. Upon descending towards the confused Leviathan,

Ditzy: That hit itself in confusion.

he threw his arms outward. Two black blades of pure energy shot out from his hands and struck the gargantuan creature. He was cut into four equal parts and the ground beneath him had been

engraved with the holy cross, which was truthfully, the crest of the Angel Elders, one of which was Mar.

Doctor: Now we are really mixing up theologies.

Pinkie: If he’s an elder, why isn’t he complaining about his back and yelling at foals to get off his lawn?

As he descended towards the centre of the cross, where the four parts of the Leviathan lay, He exploded in a burst of energy that turned the Leviathan to ash as it passed over the pieces.

Ditzy: (Yawns) So this is what happens when the Angel of Death goes to war huh?

Amidst the smoke and fire, Mar stood in the air, his eyes glowing through it all and his white coat flapping in the aftermath of the breeze.

“Mar, what have you done?!” a familiar voice called out to him.

Pinkie: (Voice) How could you!? That Leviathan had a family!

The angel turned his head towards the source of the voice. The smoke cleared with a slash of his claw to reveal his brother, Dusk.

All: Dun dun dun!

Pinkie: Wait, who’s that?

Better known as the Angel of War and another of the Elders.

Doctor: Known as Dusty to his friends.

Ditzy: I call foul! He doesn’t have a stupid name!

“What needed to be done. The Leviathan was never supposed to be involved in this war. You know this as well as I do, brother.” he replied. Dusk seemed less than agreeable.

Doctor: (Dusk) Ahem. Accord to the Spirit World Treaty of 102, if a supernatural being has made a contract with any being of the mortal world, they are allowed to act in any way specified in said contract.

“Nevertheless, it happened, and it is not your job to interfere with the lives of mortals, unless their time has passed. We have rules to follow, Mar; I suggest you follow them.” Dusk replied.

Pinkie: (Mar) Ha! I’m chaotic evil!

“You’re beginning to sound like our father, Dusk.

Doctor: (Mar) Next you are going to lecture me about responsibility and tell me just how much of a loser I am.

I refuse to be ordered around by weaker angels,

Pinkie: Somepony is going to get the belt!

especially when their opinions are not in the best interests of Heaven and the worlds we watch over.

Doctor: Aka my interests.

Pinkie: (Mar) Peonies should be in the front garden not daisies!

Father was one such angel, and I retired him for it.” Mar declared.

Pinkie: (Mar) He is probably enjoying a game of golf in the Puppet World as we speak.

“Don’t lie to me, Mar! You and I know full well you ‘retired’ our father out of revenge for what he put you through.” Dusk replied.

Doctor: (Dusk) Making you dress up in a dress and made you play the part of the daughter he never had.

“You agreed that our race functioned better with an Empress instead of a Grand Elder,

Ditzy: (Mar) Nothing ever got done with him falling asleep every five minutes and constant ramblings about things nopony cares about anymore.

and that my choosing Rein Cielo was the best possible decision to make!” the argument began to escalate quickly and Dusk felt the need to take on his true form also. Like Mar, his true form was that of a rare creature.

Doctor: A sumatran orangutan?

Pinkie: An albino spotted flying squirrel?

Ditzy: A metal slime?

A Crimson Phoenix, with black flame that failed to burn his clothing.

Ditzy: Do I even want to ask how somepony gave birth to a dragon and a phoenix?

Doctor: Unfortunately, the things in his pocket weren’t so lucky.

“And she made you one of the four Lords as a result. You gained from your decision once again.” he said. Mar grew angry with him.

“If given the choice, I would have left Heaven instead and lived with Terrain! But one of you killed her. For your sake, brother… I hope yours was not the hand that slew her.” he threatened.

Pinkie: (Dusk) Well, I may have caused her to accidentally cut own throat! It was only an accident really!

“She was a mortal dragon, you are an Angel. It would have never worked.” Mar’s eyes flashed bright yellow and the whites of his eyes turned black.

Doctor: (Dusk) She would have only lived for 12,000 years! It would have never worked!

“THAT WAS FOR US TO DECIDE, NOT YOU!!!” he roared, shooting twards his brother with the intent to kill.

Ditzy: (Mar) You could have at least created a committee!

Claw clashed against claw as Spike and Hyperion exchanged slash after slash. Spike learned quickly the devastating effects Hyperion’s fake claw could have, even against dragon scales.

Ditzy: (Spike) No! My scales are orange now! It doesn’t fit my color scheme at all!

The sheer force of the claw’s collision was enough to dislocate the dragon’s shoulder. The talons themselves ripped at his surface, forcing blood to seep out and fall down to his fingertips. In return, Hyperion had been given a black eye and his skull was cracked in three different places. Scratches that bled profusely covered his sides, making him difficult to grab due to the slickness of his body as a result. Both reptile and bird were badly hurt. While Spike had natural strength and power as his advantage, Hyperion had experience fighting the strongest of enemies over many years. He was king for a reason.

Pinkie: It mostly was because he jumped on the king’s throne and refused to get off!

“You’re good, Dragon. Should you win, I can see you growing up to be the strongest of your kind.” Hyperion complimented.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) Not as good as Mar of course. No one can beat that stud.

“Thanks, but I like to think I already am.

Ditzy: (Spike) Unless they have a water balloon of course, then they can beat me in seconds.

I may be cocky, but that cockiness is often based on truth. And I can see why you’ve remained in power for as long as you have.” Spike returned the compliment.

Pinkie: (Spike) No homo right?

Hyperion nodded his thanks and wiped the blood away from his eye so he would not be forced to see through his black eye and Spike would not be tempted to hit it again.

After a moment of circling each other and recovering some of their strength (including relocating Spike’s shoulder),

Ditzy: It’s a good thing this world has regenerating health.

they went at it again. The two of them butted heads, Hyperion was careful not to hit him with a cracked area.

Doctor: It still sounds like an unnecessary risk.

They then hacked and slashed at each other,

Pinkie: They started slapping wildly at each other!

managing to dodge each other’s attacks.

Doctor: With increasingly unnecessary slow motion.

Hyperion jumped back and tried firing his retractable claw again, but Spike saw it coming. He leaned to the left and quickly countered, biting at the chain.

Ditzy: (Spike) Hm, tastes like chocolate licorice.

Hyperion tried to retract it, but Spike had dug his claws into the marble floor, pinning him there. He bit through the chains, effectively disarming the gryphon (literally). With the worst of Hyperion’s arsenal out of the way, Spike continued his assault.

Pinkie: Little did Spike know that the King was really a cyborg with a rocket fist!

Dusk flew high into the air, Mar close to his tail. He came to an abrupt stop, throwing his forward. Mar was struck in the face and sent across the sky out of sight.

All: Ding!

Pinkie: (Mar) Mar’s blasting off again!

Dusk took the time to gather his energy and prepare a ranged attack.

Ditzy: Only to crash into a mountain.

As he was ready to fire it, Mar appeared in a burst of sound not ten feet away from him with a similar attack. The brothers threw their energy balls at each other and they collided. Now it was a struggle to see which of them was stronger in power. They distanced themselves as the energy balls grew in size as more power was put into them.

Ditzy: Making it a lot harder to aim.

Finally, the energy began to fuse together and the result was close to nuclear.

Pinkie: Opps. It’s looks like you’re sterile now!

The angels were sent flying miles across, but that distance was nothing to them. As they mimicked each other in recovering and gathering themselves, they disappeared out of sight for an instant in burst of sound before reappearing half way to each other in another burst, resorting to hand-to-hand combat. Dusk was faster when it came to attacking, but mar was stronger and Dusk’s speed didn’t count for dodging. Cuts appeared along Mar’s chest faster than he could follow. He reached out and grabbed Dusk’s torso, throwing everything he had into one punch. The fist of the draconic Angel collided with his brother’s stomach and a wave burst forth from the collision, dissipating the smoke and clouds around them.

Pinkie: Oh come on! No super special attack name for your finishing attack like ‘Ultra Forbidden Eskimo Tiger Punch’! That’s half the fun!

Dusk was motionless for a moment, winded beyond belief. Mar took that time to float over to his side and clasp his hands together, throwing his fists down into his back. Dusk hit the ground in a millisecond, bouncing off of it like a Russian Ice skater.

Pinkie: What?

Doctor: Author, please use more contemporary references.

He tried to stand up, but he was forced further into a small crater that grew larger thanks to the force Mar had added on his back. Mar figured the battle was won, but Dusk was persistent.

Ditzy: (Dusk) Ha! These are only flesh wounds!

Doctor: (Mar) You can barely stand!

Ditzy: (Dusk) You think that will stop me! Come and get me you pansy!

“I… refuse to lose to you again, brother! Father should have made me the Angel of Death, but he chose you instead.” he said with malice poisoning his voice.

Doctor: (Mar) Dusk, you know that only someone with a college degree is allowed to have to position.

“I agree,” Mar replied.

Pinkie: (Mar) I’m terrible at my job.

“It would have saved us both the trouble and would have saved him from me. But There is one thing I am grateful to Father for.” he added.

Pinkie: (Mar) He taught me the best way to balance a checkbook!

“And what’s that?” Dusk demanded.

“Had he not made me the Angel of Death, I would have never met Terrain,

Pinkie: (Mar) I met her while carpooling to work.

and you would have never had a shot with Sam.” he replied. Dusk seemed enraged by the mention of Sam, their oldest friend who had a crush on Mar. But due to mar’s training, she lost sight of that crush and began to see the appeal in Dusk instead.

“Besides, you would have made a lousy Angel of Death. You’re just not that good at it.” Mar added.

Ditzy: (Mar) You would sneak off to text on your phone during work!

Dusk growled, then it evolved into a roar of anger as he rose to his feet and charged his brother.

Hyperion fell to the ground, beaten and bloodied. He was hanging onto life by a thread. Spike stood over him, badly beaten himself. Both of them knew this was it. The final blow and Spike will have won.

Doctor: We thought the fight between Mar and his brother was more important and this fight was cut for time.

“Congratulations, Spike. I admire your skill and your determination.

Pinkie: (Hyperion) No homo right?

You’ve earned my kingdom. Now what will you do with it?” Hyperion asked. Spike breathed heavily as he tried to find the words to use.

Doctor: The king is going to have the last laugh. The Kingdom is going through a painful recession.

“I’ll rebuild it, make it better than before.

Pinkie: At least one party store per city!

Gryphons and Ponies both will live together. I’ll ensure the equality of our two species.” he replied. Hyperion chuckled, coughing afterward.

Doctor: (Hyperion) Naive fool! You really think it’s that simple?

“Our two species? Wouldn’t that be three, considering you’re neither a Gryphon nor a Pony?” he asked.

Pinkie: (Spike) Oh, duh. Right of course silly me.

“I grew up a Pony, I fell in love with a pony, and I fought for a pony. As far as I’m concerned, I am a Pony in mind and soul, just not in body. So like I said, I will bring our races together in peace, thanks to your relinquishing of the throne.” Spike replied. Hyperion smiled.

Ditzy: (Hyperion) Sucker. The whole country has been in brink of civil war for years!

“You know… that was what… we always wanted; integrated co-existence. Not just peace at a distance.

All: (Skeptical) Right.

Doctor: That is complete BS.

Thank you, Spike. Go ahead.” Hyperion said, closing his eyes. Spike didn’t hesitate.

Pinkie: And gave the king a big hug!

Building up what power he had, he tried to force the darkness out once more, but instead of darkness, his fist glowed a bright golden colour.

All: Shining Finger!

His scales shimmered and soon he was a gold and white dragon with red eyes. He used this power and smashed his fist through Hyperion’s head. Instead of a messy splattering of blood,

Pinkie: Candy came out!

his body disintegrated into small flecks if light and rose into the sky, disappearing through the roof one after another.

Pinkie: (Spike) Huh, that was weird.

With the battle ended,

Ditzy: Wait, why did that happen? Why would turning into a super gold dragon do that?

Twilight ran towards Spike and dove at him, clamping her hooves around his body.

Doctor: (Spike) Gah!

Pinkie: (Twilight) Oops. Sorry.

With a joyous laugh, she found the darkness in her vanish and her colours grew brighter and brighter. There was a flash of blinding light and she was transformed into an Alicorn. The glow around Spike dissipated and he was left golden with a white underbelly and frills.

Ditzy: Er, what? What the hay is going on?

Pinkie: Twilight and Spike have evolved!

“This is amazing!” Twilight exclaimed. “Could it be some evolution of the dark research in your mother’s Grimoire?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Spike) No, it’s just a deus ex machina copout.

Doctor: Heaven forbid you actually deal with the consequences of your actions.

Pinkie: Makes it easy!

Spike turned to look at something that shone out of the corner of his eye.

Doctor: (Spike) Oh hey, a bit!

The seal of mar glowed on one side, the other shrouded in black. Next to it was the crown. He picked both up and put them together. The seal fused with the crown.

Pinkie: It became a Owneal!

The seal’s outline was imprinted into the crown and had taken on a draconic theme.

Doctor: (Spike) Eh, it’s okay. The old version was better.

He then proceeded to place the crown on his head and once again a fusion began to happen. The crown went into Spike’s body and emerged as a Quintet of horns.

Doctor: (Spike) The pain! Make it stop!

Pinkie: (Spike) That was a terrible idea!

Spike’s frills were replaced with spikey spines.

Ditzy: He is going to go through so many bed sheets.

Both horns and spines were turned golden and the wings on his back were returned upright.

All: Symbolism!

Doctor: Wait, that was what that was all about?

“Golden dragon… sounds like some sort of oriental restaurant.” Spike said. Twilight giggled and just leaned in to kiss him.

“I think these are our rewards for surviving and ending the war, as well as not letting the darkness cloud our judgement.” she said.

All: What?

Doctor: It did nothing but cloud your judgment!

Pinkie: (Twilight) I was right to slaughter all in my way!

Mar had received countless blows from his rage filled brother, whose strength now matched his own. He’d been hit numerous times, making no effort to dodge. Each blow hurt like hell, but still he refused to dodge an attack.

Doctor: True stallions take every attack head on!

“How do you feel about it now, Brother? Still think I’d be no good as Death?! Huh!! How do you feel about it now?!” Dusk demanded, punching him in the stomach in a similar fashion to how Mar had done before.

Doctor: (Mar) I’m sorry, but you just aren’t up for the task. You’re too slow and you rush your work to get home sooner. You waste time while clocked in instead of finding some task to keep yourself busy. I’m afraid we just can’t hire you.

“Gonna whiz red.” Mar replied simply, mocking the twin Angel. Dusk grew angrier and prepared to double-fist slam him into the ground when Mar took the opportunity he’d been waiting for.With a sudden burst of strength, he clenched his fist and landed a direct punch to Dusk’s gut. The force of the blow tore a hole in the clothes in his back, and Mar knew his organs had been severely damaged as a result.

Pinkie: (Gasps) Really?

Mar stepped back and conjured another energy ball the size of a castle above them. But it slowly began to compact on itself until it was no bigger than a tennis ball.

“The reason you’d never make a good Angel of Death is because you’re too easily angered.

Doctor: (Mar) Only dull boring characters should be Death.

Death needs an ever clear and calm mind to work properly, something I have been tested against countless times by you, father and almost everyone in Heaven. I managed to remain calm up until you killed Terrain. The Angel of Death is gone, Dusk, as is your brother. All that remains is ‘Grimm’, and Fenrir. Two beings now of like mind.”

Pinkie: (Mar) You can call him Grimrir!

Doctor: Fenrir? I thought we were using greek mythology?

Ditzy: I give up figuring this out.

Mar stopped talking for a moment and placed the ball of energy in his mouth. Dusk looked on in horror as Mar swallowed the energy.

Pinkie: (Dusk) He knows he has GERD!

There was a moment’s pause before his muscles grew to ugly sizes

Doctor: Take cover!

Pinkie: He’s going to blow!

and reverted to just a little larger than before. It happened throughout his body. What was once a somewhat skinny, but strong dragon, was now a perfectly chiselled and undoubtedly stronger one

Doctor: Sadly it killed his ability to move much and he was beaten easily.

with eyes blacker than the night and irises asgold as a polished ingot.

Pinkie: (Mar) Behold my true true form! That last form wasn’t even 1 percent of my true power!

“In short, Dusk; there are two things you lack. One is resolve.

Ditzy: What is this Bleach?

Had you the resolve to be the angel of Death you would have stayed with Father instead of joining me when he really needed you.” Mar shot forward with a pointed hand and shot it through Dusk’s chest, impaling him with his arm. Dusk lurched and hocked up blood as a result of the final attack. “The other thing you lack is

Pinkie: Author favoritism!

Ditzy: The ability is whistle!

Doctor: The knowledge of the life cycle of the Appleloosa Pocket Gopher.

your life.” Mar said.

Ditzy: What a twist! Dusk was dead all along!

On the verge of death, Dusk clutched his brother’s clothes and tried to grab his attention.

Doctor: (Dusk) Take my laundry out and...put...it… in… the dryer!

“Heaven will not tolerate betrayal from a legendary figurehead.” he said.Mar smiled and nodded.

Doctor: The sequel is about Mar wandering around Equestria while on the run helping out small farms and ranches along the way.

“I know. But I don’t really care about what they’ll tolerate or not.

Ditzy: (Mar) I am going to park in the handicap spot all I want!

I think it’s time heaven is placed under new management, perhaps moved to a new system altogether. I’ll have to discuss some things with Celestia and Luna once I’ve destroyed Heaven.”

Ditzy: How does that help anything?

Pinkie: (Mar) Plus, plenty of parking spots!

Dusk’s eyes grew wide as he heard Mar’s plan, but that was the last thing he ever did as his life faded away.

Pinkie: (Dusk) My only regret is not knowing if Randy is really pregnant with Colin’s vampire clone twin brother’s child on the Young and Restless.

His soul emerged from his body as a wisp. Mar quickly grabbed it and held it in his hand. Throwing the corpse into the cross in the ground,

Ditzy: Symbolism?

letting it go lost forever, he crushed the soul with his bare hand, letting it dissipate into nothing.

Doctor: What a waste of a perfectly good soul. They don’t grow on trees you know!

“And that’s checkmate on both accounts.

Doctor: (Mar) The king corners and takes the opposing king.

The seal has been activated and Spike is now the Guardian of Equestria, making this land perpetually invincible.

Ditzy: Unless you throw a bucket of water at him.

Twilight is an Alicorn and has been given Immortality.

Pinkie: Great! Now there is going to be endless drama in the comment section about this!

Hopefully she’llclean up after Celestia’s mess

Doctor: She’ll become the princess of janitorial services.

and make things even better for the world. Once I kill all the other Angels,

Doctor: Of course his plan consists of mass murder.

Pinkie: It won’t be Spread of Darkness if it didn’t!

This world shall become the new Heaven.

Doctor: (Mar) I already have a shipment of harps prepared.

The dead of the other worlds will be reborn here, and the dead from this world will be distributed to the other worlds. A perfect system.”

Pinkie: I have no idea what that means, but ok!

Ditzy: Stupid foreign souls coming in and reincarnating in our world and taking all our new unborn foals!

Mar took a deep breath and let it all out. “I wonder if Dusk realised Sam would also die as a result of my plan. Maybe I could sway her over to my side, milk that childhood crush for all it’s worth.” he pondered aloud as he disappeared in a burst of sound.

Ditzy: What a jerk.

Author's Note:

Okay all, so this is the final chapter, so it gets songs.

Doctor: (Author) Too bad by the time you read this most of them will be taken down due to copyright claims!

Don't worry, there will be an Epilogue depicting the aftermath of the two battles, but this is the end of the shit that got real. I bet you all didn't think my character was actually a bad guy doing what he does for good intentions.

Doctor: The jury is still out on that one.

Pinkie: Why does heaven need new management again?

Ditzy: (Mar) They didn’t give me a promotion and a raise, obviously the system is corrupt and need to be taken down!

Anyway, I'm tired now and I need sleep, so I'll write the epilogue tomorrow. Also, sorry in advance for the Backstreeet Boys songs, I know they're sort of outdated and for some reason, hated. But I grew up on those guys so IDGAF!

Comments please!

Pinkie: It was the five hundredth best fic I have ever read!

Ditzy: I can tell that this story will have an impressive amount of downvotes compared to the original!

Doctor: It was best sleeping aid I have ever seen!

Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Epilogue

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 20 - Part 4

Epilogue

The Eve of the war was celebrated amongst all; Ponies and Gryphons alike, sans those of elitist personality drank and ate together, forgiving and befriending each other.

Ditzy: So are we going to ignore that Griffons are apparently bloodthirsty lunies?

Pinkie: Hey! Don’t stereotype them like that! Okay, so only like one Griffon sorta disproves that, but I’m sure the rest are actually really nice!

Talk of moving into Equestrian and Gryphon towns became common

Doctor: The murder of entire populations makes that pretty easy.

and things seemed as though the war had never happened and there was no hostility whatsoever.

Ditzy: Really?

Pinkie: Multiple war crimes? All in the past!

Things seemed to lighten up and the world as a whole seemed a happier place.

Doctor: The author got sick of making every single thing black.

Ditzy: Wait a minute, what ever happened to Gilda’s dad?! I thought the were going to do something with that.

Talk of the new Alicorn was also a common occurrence,

Ditzy: Already she got ire for her strict and overeager education policies.

one that Celestia and Luna were interested in.

Pinkie: They were particularly interested in her policies on taxation, tariffs, zoning laws, and cake.

Spike and Twilight had yet to return and they had not been seen since the fight between Spike and Hyperion.

Ditzy: They got hitched at Las Pegasus.

The Gryphons claimed Spike as their new king as were the rules regarding Royal death battles.

Pinkie: Hey wait a minute! They forgot to fight with the giant foam Q-tips!

Doctor: It looks like Spike is disqualified.

They accepted Spike as their king, and ponies were excited to learn the ways of the Gryphons.

Pinkie: (Pony) This means I can depose Celestia and become king!

Ditzy: (Pony) I love how they kill ponies and other weaker creatures for fun!

It had been three days since the war ended, and those three days had been spent finding and burying the dead. The celebration was to both celebrate the peaceful joining of the two species as well as lighten the heavy hearts of those who lost family in the war.

Doctor: About, oh, ten percent of that was military.

The celebration took place in the Royal Hall of Canterlot, where the two sisters resided at the head of the table. Beside them were the still morbid and depressed Elements of Harmony, unperturbed by the end of the war.

Doctor: (Rainbow Dash) We didn’t get to do anything!

Pinkie: (Fluttershy) Many of my animal friends didn’t get a chance to tear some Griffons to shreds and eat their entails!

They all agreed that the only thing that would brighten their spirits was to see Spike and Twilight both happy and together. Little did they know, their wish would come true in a dazzling way.

Doctor: That is until the water balloons came off.

Chatter filled the hall as the different conversations took place.

Doctor: (Griffon) But then I got this cream and the itching went away!

Pinkie: (Pony) And then I said, ‘That’s not my hoof that’s my chicken!’

Happy ponies and gryphons were enjoying themselves while the mourning guests were slowly gaining some happiness by the realisation that nopony or gryphon else would go through what they went through.

Pinkie: Hugs all around!

Celestia and Luna sat side by side, Twilight’s friends gathered on either side of them. Celestia rose to her hooves and addressed the guests with a stomp of her hooves that echoed above the voices. She had their attention.

Pinkie: (Celestia) Can anypony point me to the bathroom?

“Fillies, Gentlecolts and the Gryphon equivalent of both. It is with great pleasure that I announce the official joining of the species. Gryphons will have the option to live and work among ponies, including high class jobs such as joining the Royal Guard should you desire it. Also, Ponies are allowed to venture into Gryphon land if they wish, hopefully able to do the same should their new king ever return from wherever he has gone.” she declared.

Doctor: (Celestia) Rumor has it that he was last seen in Denny’s.

There were merry cheers in response to this and raised glasses, toasting the declaration.

“In addition, I would like to formally apologise to my Student, Twilight Sparkle and her Dragon, Spike. My judgement was poor in relation to the fragile nature of the previous relationship between Ponies and Gryphons.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) Really? Who would have guessed?

Pinkie: (Celestia) I did nothing to solve the problem!

As a result, I made a lot of mistakes, and it pains me to realise how foolish I was. I could never ask for your forgiveness were you here with us at this time.” There was a solemn silence throughout the hall as the guests had nothing to say on the matter and respected the fragility of her statement.

“You know, it’s shit like this that makes me hate Canterlot perties.” a voice said from behind her.

Ditzy: (Spike) All this somber crap! Where is all the drinking, laughter, and belching?

She turned around to see nopony there. She scanned the others for an answer and found Luna trying to cane her neck around to look behind her throne. “What about you, Twilight?” the voice asked. Twilight? Celestia thought, turning toward the throne completely. Twilight emerged from behind Celestia’s throne, revealing her new wings to everypony.

Ditzy: (Pony) How utterly tacky!

Doctor: (Griffon) She was better as a unicorn. Ruined forever!

Pinkie: (Pony) Booo! Get off the stage!

“We’ll have to make sure parties in the Misty Mountain aren’t as boring as this.

Pinkie: Yeah, no Pin the Tail on the Pony!

I mean it was alright until my teacher here brought up shaky troubles that really have nothing to do with anything anymore.” she replied, smiling.

Pinkie: (Twilight) Now who wants to cut the cake.

Twilight stepped toward her teacher and rubbed her head long her neck, showing her that the sun princess was forgiven.

Ditzy: This will not exclude her from any pranks in payback.

“Twilight, you’re an Alicorn?” Rainbow Dash asked in disbelief.”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) I knew it! You are a Mary Sue!

“For the fstest flyer in Equestria, she’s pretty slow on the uptake, huh?” the first voice spoke again, emerging from behind Luna’s throne.

Pinkie: (Spike) Tada!

Everyone gasped in surprise at the drastic change Spike had made.

Pinkie: (Pony) Did he gain weight?

Ditzy: (Griffon) It looks like he got a haircut.

Doctor: (Pony) I like his new hat!

They laid eyes on the golden dragon standing before them with his arms crossed.

“Spike… you’re… you’re a–.”

Ditzy: A princess!

“Yep! I’mma BOSS!” he joked, chuckling afterward. Twilight chuckled along with him.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Bwahahaha! That’s what you look like now? You were so much cooler when you were black!

“But he knows that I’m the boss, right Spike?” Twilight challenged.

“Yes, Ma’am!” Spike replied in a lazed mock salute.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Now bend down. I need a hoofstool.

“Oh, by the way, I have a little gift for everypony.” he added, taking a somewhat straight forward stance.

Doctor: (Spike) It called a pet rock. It’s all the rage in Manehatten now.

He spread his arms wide and gave a loud clap. A golden wave spread out along with the sound and went through everyone in the hall. The Elements of Harmony grew brighter, and they found themselves adopting their original personalities. Pinkie’s changes being the most noticeable, with her mane and tail tangling up into cotton candy and her giddy grin and giggle returning with a vengeance.

Pinkie: (Pony) I wanted a new car!

“Last thing I’m going to do is let my friends live in darkness while we bask in the light.” he said. Twilight approached Spike and took her place beside him.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I liked the way I was!

“Princess, Celestia. Meet your new allies; King Spike and Queen Twilight.

Ditzy: You may of heard of them.

We are the new rulers of the Gryphon Empire, now called the Royal Alliance." she declared. Applauding from the guests erupted as Princess Celestia and Luna were both rendered speechless.

Doctor: Understandable.This is a bizarrely happy ending for everything that happened so far.

Amidst the loud noise, Twilight brought herself to Spike's attention and whispered into his ear.

"And honey, I'm pregnant."

Pinkie: (Spike) Bye honey! You’re on your own!

Ditzy: Celestia they aren’t really for a foal.

Author's Note:

And that's it, my loyal fans. The end of 'The Spread of Darkness'. Next in the trilogy will be 'The Darkness That Binds'.

Ditzy: Celestia! It never ends!

Doctor: And with our luck there are probably 5 more sequels after that.

Ending theme is Hanging On by Elli Goulding

Doctor: And that ends part 2 of the Darkness trilogy.

Ditzy: Another sequel! Another sequel!

Pinkie: Legend of Spike Jr. Even More Darkness!

Doctor: Can’t get enough darkness right?

Ditzy: The color black is dead to me.

Pinkie: That was really fun!

Doctor: Well, it was certainly interesting to revisit this universe.

Ditzy: Interesting is one way of putting it.

Doctor: Better or worse than the original?

Ditzy: That is like saying “What is worse? Being burned alive or being buried alive?”

Pinkie: So is that a maybe?

Ditzy: Um, well the original didn’t have foal murder so I will go with that one.

Doctor: Sensible.

Ditzy: Can we just get out of here?

Pinkie hopped out of the theater with the Doctor and Ditzy following her.

“It’s about time for me to take off.” Pinkie explained before breaking out into tears. “I’m going to miss you guys so much!” She scooped the Doctor and Ditzy into a light but firm hug.

“Me too!” Ditzy piped in. Ditzy also found herself tearing up.

“It won’t be the same without you. Far too quiet.” The Doctor patted Pinkie on the back as he said this. Ditzy could see he was getting emotional too. Pinkies instantly tightened her grip a little.

They stood that way for a few minutes until Pinkie finally let them go. “Bye Tim-I mean Doctor! Bye Ditzy!” Pinkie waved. She was about to leave, but stopped, turned around, and quickly gave the Doctor a quick peck on the lips. He blushed a hue that matched the one on Pinkie’s face. She left for the next room that somehow got her out of here.

“Don’t say anything.” The Doctor warned.

“I wasn’t going to.” Ditzy said in the best straight face she could muster.

“Good.” The Doctor said simply and left the room. His head turned to hide his blushing.

Ditzy jumped for joy went the Doctor was out of sight. Things were looking up. Her advice to Pinkie worked and the Doctor was one step closer to having a marefriend.

Building up what power he had, he tried to force the darkness out once more, but instead of darkness, his fist glowed a bright golden colour. His scales shimmered and soon he was a gold and white dragon with red eyes.

Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 1

Hello again! This time we will be reading Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. The first episode of the Lunaverse! If you haven’t heard, this is a universe where Princess Celestia went evil and was banished making Princess Luna the ruler of Equestria. Instead of Twilight, Trixie is Luna’s student. This is not a copy and paste of Mlp’s pilot, and is quite different....for better and worse. There are some issues, but it creates a solid foundation for an entire new universe.

I chose to do this because it seemed like such a fun idea. It has been stewing in my head for about a year now and on a whim I asked RainbowDoubleDash if I could use his story and he accepted! I got really eager and started it right away. It delays the riffing of other stories I have planned, but it should be worth it. I really hope you enjoy this riffing!

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to RainbowDoubleDash for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 1

Dinky hummed to herself as she trotted to her secret facility. School was dull as usual, but today Diamond Tiara invited her over for a slumber party and Dinky was ecstatic. Diamond Tiara’s father bought her this cool looking anime called Pilot Candidate and they planned on marathoning it tonight since it was only twelve episodes long. Silver Spoon rolled her eyes at this, but agreed to watch it with them. All she need to do was ask for her ‘sister’s’ permission. Of course, Star Shot wasn’t going to say no. She barely cared what Dinky did most of the time, but it felt wrong not to get permission. She just hoped Star Shot was around. That mare had a habit of just disappearing and reappearing at random. Sometimes she would be gone for days and Dinky was never able to get a straight answer about where she went to.

Ditzy was able to sneak into the facility with any problems or difficulty. Dinky found Star Shot leaning against a wall drinking a canned soda from a straw in one of the hallways. She gave Dinky a wave. “Hey squirt!”

“Oh hey Star Shot.” Dinky greeted back. “Would it be ok if I sleep over at Diamond Tiara’s house tonight?”

Star Shot shrugged. “Knock yourself out.”

Dinky smiled and nodded. She passed Star Shot and went into the monitor room. Star Shot followed her in from behind. She did a quick search of all the monitors for her parents. She found them in their bedroom. Her father was trying to go across a tightrope that stretched across the room on a unicycle while juggling 3 balls. Her mother was cheering him on the sidelines. Dinky nodded glad to see her parents out of trouble. You just never knew with those two.

“Xander status report.” Dinky asked the main system’s computer.

“No problems detected.” Xander said simply. “Systems are operating optimally.”

“Good.” Dinky thought. “Everything is running smoothly.” Dinky liked a working ship and with her father and Pinkie Pie you never knew when things might spiral out of control. With Pinkie finally gone everything should go back to normal and she didn’t have to worry about that accursed party pony constantly trying to woo her father. Her plan to get her parents together could finally go back on track, but there was still one major obstacle in her way.

“Star Shot, what are we going to do about Spike?” Dinky asked perplexed. “How can we possible get my parents to fall in love if my mother is so madly in love with him?”

“Well, if he is going to be such a problem, why not just have him eliminated?” Star Shot said simply.

Dinky froze in shock. She stared at Star Shot in horror.

“Think about. It’s simple. Spike dies, Ditzy hears about, rushes in the Doctor’s arms in tears, and he comfort her in her time of need. Boom. It’s the perfect setup for love.” Star Shot grinned.

“B-but that’s wrong, we can’t just..” Star Shot interrupted her.

“It’s the perfect solution to our problem.” Star Shot shrugged. “If we don’t, Ditzy will never stop pinning after Spike. And we don’t want that right?”

Dinky hesitated. “But…mom and dad won’t have wanted that.”

Star Shot rolled her eyes. “Sure it’s easy to go on about things like truth and justice, but they’ve never needed to make a hard choice like this. Think about it. If you don’t, you will lose everything you have ever cared about. Your parents, your life, your future, your sister.” Star Shot emphasis the last part.

Ditzy froze stiff as a board. She couldn’t never forget when she saw Amethyst Star disappear into thin air ceasing to ever exist.

“What’s one life compared to all of that?” Star Shot asked. She bore her cold yellow eyes right into Dinky.

Dinky mind ran. She didn’t know what to think. She saw Star Shot’s point, but it went against everything her parents believed in. Everything she wanted to believe in.

“Are you going to let one person, one person stand in the way of your happiness?” Star Shot got into Dinky’s face.

Dinky took a step back frightened at the intensity shown in Star Shot’s face.

Star Shot suddenly smiled. “Relax, I was kidding. It’s just a joke.” Star Shot turned jovial. Dinky glared daggers at her. Star Shot just patted Dinky on the head. “It shouldn’t come to that. After all Hearts and Hooves Day is coming up right?”

Star Shot gave a gleaming smile. “They have a romantic night, look into each other’s eyes, fall in love, and all our problems are settled.”

Dinky gave a hesitant nod. She doubted it would be that simple, but was glad for a change of subject.

Star Shot gave Dinky a shove. “Off you go squirt. Start the experiment. We can’t keep our guests waiting right?”

Dinky nodded and trotted up to chair in front of the main computer, jumped on it, and sat down. She noticed that there was ten minutes until the experiment started. She closed her eyes and waited trying not to think about what she and Star Shot talked about a few minute earlier.

“Hello my little test subjects.” Dinky said into the microphone on the console.

“Hey Dinky.” The Doctor replied.

“Hey.” Ditzy said but through her tone you could tell she wasn’t thrilled talking to Dinky.

“Good news! The last experiment was a bit rough for you. So I decided to go a bit easier on this time.” The Doctor and Ditzy’s ears rose at this.

“Really?” The Doctor seemed skeptical yet relieved at the same time.

“By all accounts this is a good story.” Dinky smirked. She hoped this would get her back on her parent’s good side.

“Well, ok. What is it then?” Ditzy asked.

“Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. Enjoy.” Dinky hesitated, but gave out her evil laugh. It felt wrong not to. The experiment alarm went off and her parents ran into the theater.

“Lulamoon – ” Lyra began.

All: Gazoontite.

The blue unicorn glared at Lyra Heartstrings. “Trixie,”

All: (Groans)

Ditzy: Not her again.

she ordered in a tone one normally reserved for informing ponies that their loved ones had met horrible ends, and that one enjoyed relating this fact immensely.

Ditzy: I think Trixie missed her calling.

Lyra blinked a few times at the intensity. “I’m…sorry,” the mint-green unicorn apologized. “It’s just that Princess Luna said that ‘Trixie’ was a nickname, and I didn’t think I knew you well enough.”

Doctor: Oh, so her real name is Beatrix.

The other unicorn stared across the wagon cabin at Lyra for a few moments, before sighing. “My given name is Trixie Lulamoon.

Ditzy: Wait, I thought Trixie was suppose to be a nickname? How can your first name be a nickname?

I’m from Neigh Orleans,

Doctor: Wait, you’re not referring to yourself in the third person?

Ditzy: Now that is just bizarre.

and the tradition there is to use a pony’s second name if they have one.

Ditzy: Wait, so that means I would have everypony calling me ‘Doo’. I don’t think I would like that very much.

Doctor: (Trixie) They’re very formal in Neigh Orleans.

But I hate, I hate, Lulamoon. So call me Trixie.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Compromise. I will call you Lutrix instead.

Lyra raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with Lulamoon?”

“I hate it.”

“I gathered. But I mean, what’s actually wrong with it?”

Doctor: (Trixie) It doesn’t live up to the majesty of the Great and Powerful Trixie!

The blue unicorn turned her head down, staring at the large cabin’s floor.

Doctor: (Trixie) It all started 10 years ago when my parents were murdered before my eyes.

The two had left Canterlot an half an hour ago, but the train ride still had about another hour and a half before it reached their destination of Ponyville.

Ditzy: Hey, plenty of time to play Crushing Sweets on your phone!

So far, the cabin had been just about the only enjoyable part of the train ride –

Ditzy: It had an open bar and Princess Luna was picking up the tab.

it had been first-class, so the two unicorns had as much space as they wanted to themselves.

Doctor: They were yelling this conversation across the room.

The cabin was, in fact, almost as large as the apartment that Lyra had been staying in for the past several years while living in Canterlot and attending Luna’s school of magic.

Ditzy: And Lyra was rooming with three other ponies!

Lyra realized after several minutes of waiting that Trixie wasn’t going to respond to her question.

Ditzy: (Lyra) I said, “What’s actually wrong with it!”

The unicorn let out a sigh as she looked out the train’s window, as the train sped by Equestria. The entire landscape was blanketed in glistening white snow, the aftermath of a nation-wide storm that the weather ponies had insisted was necessary.

Doctor: Lyra was confident it was part of a secret illuminatneigh plot!

It gave the land a serene, inspiring appearance, and as long as Lyra sat in the heated train car she could appreciate the winter wonderland thoroughly.

Ditzy: Otherwise she would be cursing wildly.

Doctor: And the thought to apply this inspiration to her music never once occurred to her.

It was enough to make her forget about the grumpy pony sitting across from her and hum out a nice tune…

Ditzy: What most ponies do when around Trixie.

Trixie’s head shot up at the melody. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I hate the Black Eye Potatoes!

Lyra glanced at Trixie. “Humming,” she answered.

“No, that tune,” Trixie clarified, one eye narrowing as she leaned forward. “That was ‘Skip to My Lou’ you were humming.”

Doctor: Oh. (Bursts out laughing)

Ditzy:(Snorts) I will have to use that one next time I see her.

“No it wasn’t,” Lyra responded, then considered the absent-minded song.

Ditzy: She was impressed with the hip hop part she put into it.

“Was it? I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking…” Now, however, she was, and quite suddenly a full-toothed grin split her features when enlightenment struck. “Oh, stars above, that’s why you hate Lulamoon,” the mint green unicorn realized.

“No it isn’t!” Trixie insisted,

Ditzy: (Trixie) No stupid! It’s because I...um...uh.... it was overplayed on the radio and I’m sick of it!

though her widening eyes suggested the opposite.

Doctor: (Trixie) She knows too much! I have to dispose of her!

“Lou, lou, skip to my lou,” Lyra sang, leaning forward. “Lou, lou, skip to my lou, fly’s in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo – ”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Dang it! What goes after that part again?

“I’ll turn you into a newt,” Trixie threatened, pointing a hoof at Lyra, even as the unicorn continued to sing.

Doctor: (Trixie) Come on Lyra! Take me seriously! I’m super serial about this!

“Every school day when I was a filly I had to hear ponies singing that song whenever my name was mentioned and seriously I will turn you into a newt if you don’t stop!”

Ditzy: What are you twelve?

Lyra did stop, but only because her laughter was interrupting the song too much. “Every time?” she asked between giggles.

“Every time,” Trixie insisted. “I don’t know, somepony thought it was funny and maybe it was funny, but it got old real fast.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And it should be my queen not darlin!

Doctor: I wonder if anyone is going to tell her about ‘Skip to My Lou DJ-Pon3 remix’ becoming rather popular lately.

Her gaze turned to a golden object sitting next to Lyra. “Why not put that thing to use?”

Ditzy: (Lyra) The ashtray?

Lyra’s horn glowed, and a glowing aura of magic wrapped around her lyre as it levitated over to in front of her. The unicorn shifted sitting positions on the train’s seat, into one that most ponies thought looked incredibly uncomfortable, but which Lyra never minded herself –

Ditzy: Though it did horrible things to her back.

Doctor: Why does she does she sit like that? I tried it myself and it doesn’t work at all.

back resting against the cushioned wall, hind legs hanging over the seat’s edge.

One of Trixie’s eyebrows rose sharply at the sight, and managed to ascend even further as Lyra placed her hooves on either side of her lyre. “You’re…going to play with your hooves?” Trixie asked.

Doctor: Agasted. Only lesser ponies did that.

“I’m better with my hooves than with magic,” Lyra responded matter-of-factly.

Trixie blinked a few times at the statement, finding it exceedingly difficult to believe.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Did a complete dullard teach you how to do magic?

After a moment, however, she settled down onto her stomach on the seat. “Fine,” the blue unicorn decided, waving a hoof imperiously. “Play on, maestro.”

All:(Lyra) Skip, skip, skip to my Lou,

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou,

Skip to my Lou, my darlin'

My little pony, My little pony

Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...

My little pony

Friendship never meant that much to me

My little pony

But you're all here and now I can see

Stormy weather; Lots to share

A musical bond; With love and care

Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,

And magic makes it all complete!

You have my little ponies

How'd I ever make so many true friends?

Ditzy: Why does this fic have a theme song?

Doctor: Points for originality I suppose.

“And here we are,” Lyra proclaimed as the two stepped from the train and into the cool, crisp morning air, Trixie grateful for the enchantment woven into her cape that would keep her warm despite the thin material

Doctor: It’s just a shame that it’s full of holes due to it getting caught on the trees and the like.

Ditzy: Doesn’t she know that capes are death traps?

it was made from. “Ponyville.”

Doctor: This is starting to feel awfully familiar…

Ditzy: Oh no.

Trixie pulled back her hat’s brim, giving what she could see of the town a once-over.

Ditzy: (Trixie) What a dump! I would think that ponies would have more self respect than live here!

Unlike Canterlot, Manehattan, or most of the great cities of Equestria, Ponyville didn’t appear to have a single building over five stories tall.

Doctor: But it did have an impressive high rise.

What the settlement lacked in vertical height, however, it made up for with horizontal spread; in terms of land area, Ponyville was one of the largest communities in the realm,

Ditzy: (Deadpan) Ponyville only has 4,139 citizens Trixie. I should know. I work at the post office.

though its population kept it firmly in the ‘large town’ category and out of the ‘small city’ one.

Ditzy: So I’m guessing Ponyville is larger in this universe?

Doctor: So it would seem.

Ditzy: Why? That ruins its small town charm!

Trixie broke from her reverie long enough to see to it that her luggage and Lyra’s own were delivered to their respective destinations by a quartet of earth pony porters that had accompanied them from Canterlot. She took the time to pass them each a couple of silver bits apiece as a gratuity and to ensure that the best of care was given to their belongings.

Doctor: (Porter) Wait a minute. This is just candy!

Ditzy: (Trixie) You got your tip now get moving pleeb!

She quickly afterwards plunged back into her own thoughts,

Ditzy: (Trixie) I should my name tatooed on my chest. That would be awesome!

however, as she considered the tasks that lay before her, the responsibility that she had,

Doctor: Already she was going mad with power.

through a combination of reasoning, pleading, whining, and maybe a little blackmail,

Ditzy: Did you know that Princess Luna once misspelled potato during a classroom visit?

finally been able to wrest from Princess Luna.

Doctor: (Trixie) The first step to princesshood! Bwahahahaha!

No, Ponyville was not a large city like Manehattan, Stalliongrad, or her hometown of Neigh Orleans, but that was what made it ideal for her to finally put everything she was learning from Luna to practical use.

Ditzy: Wait, what?! Why would Luna teach a third rate stage magician?

Doctor: (Luna) If Celestia can have a student so can we! You there! You’re our student now!

“So,” Lyra interrupted after growing uncomfortable with Trixie’s silence,

Ditzy: This is really starting to freak me out. Normally you can’t get her to shut up!

Doctor: Luna must of trained her to keep her mouth shut.

“where to first? The Apples? The weather team? Introducing yourself to the mayor?”

Doctor: Oh dear. This really is just Twilight Sparkle's tale with Trixie Lulamoon tacked on instead.

Ditzy: Hey! Maybe this means we can skip over parts of it!

Trixie glanced at her mint-colored companion, currently wearing a warm-looking, wool winter cloak and a gray Gatsby cap, somehow fitting the latter snugly over her horn without making the style look uncomfortable.

Ditzy: Note it did not say that it was stylish.

“You’re eager,” she observed.

“No offense, but I want to get this whole ‘escort’ job over and done with,” Lyra responded.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Then you’re on your own! You can probably handle hordes of ninjas by yourself.

Trixie grimaced at Lyra’s subtle, but clear, reminder that the two were not friends, merely acquaintances.

Doctor: (Trixie) But...but...I thought we had something during our train trip! I was starting to think of you as a sister!

“How much is Princess Luna paying you?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Lyra) She’s giving me a twenty bit gift card to any restaurant I want!

Lyra named a large, round figure. Trixie’s eyes widened, causing Lyra to smirk. “Yeah, that was my reaction,”

Doctor: Well, this is Trixie we are talking about.

she said as she pulled the brim of her Gatsby cap over her eyes in a sign of mock embarrassment. Trixie looked away at that, her thoughts turning inwards to what the conversation must have been like, or at least how she saw it in her mind’s eye:

Doctor: This outta be good.

“You,” Princess Luna, tall and regal-looking as ever, said as she pointed to Lyra. “We are investing in our student a measure of responsibility for a change,

Doctor: (Luna) Normally the most we trust her with is scrubbing the toilets.

and making her Our representative to Ponyville! And you are from Ponyville! So We ask that you serve as her escort for a few days while she settles. It’s not like you’ll have anything else to do since you’re a musician and so don’t have a real job.”

Ditzy: Can you believe they actually have the gall to pay these ponies!? Those that dare play the dreaded Skip to My Lou song!

“Oh no,” Lyra responded. “You want me to deal with Trixie Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon?

Doctor: Another good one.

Nopony likes her!

Ditzy: (Lyra) Though she has a surprising following on internet forums.

I’ve never met her personally, and I would like to continue that lucky streak!”

Doctor: Someone has a persecution complex.

“You’re right!” Luna exclaimed. “Especially after the ice palace incident, nopony likes Trixie.

Doctor: (Luna) In fact, we have decided to create a national holiday called ‘Pick on Trixie Lulamoon Day’! It will be legally required to mock and throw eggs at her if a pony sees her on the street!

But We shall pay you an exorbitant amount of bits to do so!” And then the princess named a number.

Lyra considered. “Maybe if you throw in some land,” she suggested. “And a title. Vicereine Lyra has a nice ring to it…”

Doctor: (Lyra) Heck. While you are at it, just make me your student too. That Trixie is a talentless hack that has never really accomplished anything worthwhile in her life.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Just as I thought! Just another pony that is trying to take what’s rightfully mine!

“Trixie,” Lyra interrupted her fellow unicorn. Trixie blinked a few times, and saw that she had nearly walked face-first into a lamp post and had been stopped only by Lyra’s outstretched hoof.

All: Awww…

The blue unicorn shook her head to clear it. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I was just thinking about…stuff.”

“Stuff?” Lyra asked.

“Stuff,” Trixie confirmed. “And junk.”

Lyra was silent for several moments at the painfully obvious evasion to her concern, before letting out a sigh.

Ditzy: This is some weird bizarro version of Trixie.

Doctor: The lack of open belittlement and self aggrandizing is starting to get a touch unnerving.

“Whatever,” she said. “So where to first?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) To the grocery store! I need to pick up some dark chocolate to keep my blood sugar steady!

Trixie considered, looking up to the sky as she did so. From the position of the sun, it looked to be about eleven o’clock – wherever they went, they’d have to hurry if they wanted to avoid being caught outside during midday.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) And why is that?

A rumbling stomach quickly decided Trixie’s first destination. “The Apple Trust,” she decided with a nod.

Ditzy: The what?

Doctor: In apples we trust.

Lyra nodded, turning towards a street and beginning to trot off, her charge in tow. As they walked, Trixie considered the ponies around her.

Ditzy: She glared hatefully at them. She knew what they were really thinking about her!

Some gave her an odd look at her choice of clothing – a purple, star-studded cape and wizard’s hat – but mostly she received only a few polite nods or the occasional greeting.

Doctor: But most ponies kept their distance from the weirdo in the cape.

It was a welcome change from the reputation she had managed to build for herself in Canterlot over the past few years,

Ditzy: So far no rotten fruit has been thrown at her.

where the best she could usually hope for was an indifferent stare –

Doctor: Or go a week without being tarred and feathered.

and those she hadn’t received at all over the past few weeks, ever since the ice palace –

Ditzy: What? Did somepony die or something?

No, Trixie insisted, forcing herself to forget about that night, the ice-turned-water getting everywhere

All: (Gasps)

Ditzy: The horror! The horror!

and the absolutely livid look in Princess Luna’s eyes.

Doctor: (Luna) These are our best carpets!

Ditzy: I don’t get what the big deal is. I’ve messed up worse than that sometimes.

No, you’re not going to think like that. Fresh start, Trixie. Fresh start.

All: What could possibly go wrong!?

“Lyra, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest,” Trixie stated.

Doctor: (Trixie) Have you been sent to kill me too when this is all over!?

Ditzy: (Lyra) Well I...wait what?!

Doctor: (Trixie) Don’t deny it! You’re after my place as the Princess’s student! I won’t let you have it!

“Yeah?”

“Are you lost?”

Lyra’s silence to Trixie’s inquiry was answer enough.

Doctor: Trixie doubted that Ponyville has a desert.

The blue unicorn let out a long sigh as her companion stopped at a fork in the road, considering as she rubbed the back of her head with one hoof. “I thought you grew up in Ponyville,” Trixie accused.

Ditzy: I knew it! You are a spy here to kill me!

“I did, but I never really went out to the Apples,” Lyra responded as she looked around. Ponyville was to the east of them, still visible over the rolling, snow-covered hills, but the site of the Apple Trust’s first and largest farm was somehow evading them.

Ditzy: Trixie suspected somepony was moving it to spite her.

“They came into town. No need to go to the farm.”

Ditzy: Not even for a Apple Family Zap Apple Jam Extraordinaire, Sisterhooves Social, or the occasional party?

“So you’re lost,” Trixie surmised.

Doctor: Princess Luna certainly got her money’s worth.

Lyra glared at her charge a moment. “No,” she said firmly, pointing a hoof down the right path. “It’s that way.” She began trotting off, a determined spring to her steps.

Doctor: (Trixie) The one that leads into that scary looking forest?

Ditzy: (Lyra) Yes, it’s….a shortcut!

With a sigh, Trixie followed, glancing nervously at the sky as she did. “It’s just about midday,” she noted.

Doctor: Soo…...what?

Ditzy: Do monsters attack during midday or something?

Doctor: (Trixie) We have to get going or Lady Midday will get us!

“I know,” Lyra responded gruffly, glancing over her shoulder a moment before returning her attention to the road ahead. “It’s just a stupid superstition. It’s not like Corona

Doctor: Corona? Hm, that’s make sense.

Ditzy: Sounds like an artery disease.

is going to fly on down and immolate us just for being outside.”

Doctor: (Trixie) My Uncle’s second cousin’s friend was burned to a crisp by her once!

Ditzy: (Lyra) Really?

Doctor: (Trixie) And my Uncle never lies!

Ditzy:(Lyra) My godmother’s aunt said once that happened to one of her friend’s coworkers too!

Doctor: (Trixie) We need to get out of here right now!

Trixie shivered slightly nevertheless, and not from the cold, as the two trotted next to a white fence that separated the road from an empty farmer’s field, a field notably lacking apples of any kind.

Doctor: Because the Apple family decided to branch out into pears.

Despite Lyra’s words, she picked up the pace just as much as Trixie did, and each cast nervous glances to the sky as the sun continued its inexorable climb overhead. At a guess, they had maybe ten minutes, at most, before the sun reached its zenith.

Ditzy: The tension!

Doctor: I don’t know if I can handle all of this.

“Should have gone to my new home first,” Trixie muttered to herself. “I knew it was too close to midday to head out.” She glared at Lyra. “Or would you have gotten lost on the way there as well?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Where did Luna even find you? Digging in a trash bin looking for food perhaps?

“I’m not lost,” Lyra insisted.

Ditzy: (Giggles) This seems awfully familiar.

Doctor: Quiet you.

“So where’s Sweet Apple Acres, then?”

“There should be signs. I mean, there were signs all over the place back before I went to Canterlot.

Doctor: It seems the Anti-Sign Group finally passed their ‘No signs within 10 miles’ law while she was gone.

I don’t know what happened to them.” Lyra glared at Trixie. “But I’m not lost.” She glanced ahead. “A ha. And I can prove it.”

Ahead, Trixie and Lyra spotted a gold-coated, orange-maned earth pony trotting with nearly as much speed as the two unicorns were.

Ditzy: Oh hey Carrot Top! What are you doing here?

She was wearing a wide-brimmed sunhat and saddlebags laden with groceries,

Doctor: (Trixie) Does this mare live off of nothing but pizza and potato chips?

and was just beginning to open a gate in the white fence they had been trotting beside when she spotted them.

“Oh my,” she exclaimed on seeing the two unicorns. An odd look of hopefulness came over her features.

Doctor: (Carrot) Oh my gosh, somepony actually wants to talk to me!

“What are you two fillies doing out at this time of day?”

Ditzy: It’s midday! Mid-day!

“Getting increasingly lost,” Trixie answered, glancing once more at the sun. At this point, it was close enough to midday that no one would argue the point.

Ditzy: Somepony better get fried if they don’t.

Doctor: This is some superstition. They’re absolutely terrified.

Trixie tried to remember the last time she had been outside when the sun was at its zenith, but couldn’t for the life of her remember. Nopony stayed outside during midday without an extremely good reason.

Doctor: Wegetit. Alright?

The earth pony’s hopefulness faded away at Lyra’s question, replaced by a sort of resignation.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Well, it looks like I will have to spend another day all alone again scarfing down ice cream to ease my pain.

“Um, yes,” she responded. “Just keep going straight down that way about two miles. You can’t miss it.”

“Ha!” Lyra exclaimed, turning to Trixie and sticking out her tongue.

Trixie ignored her as she tipped her wizard’s cap. “Thank-you,” she responded, consciously doing nothing to hide her nervousness.

Doctor: Commoner mud ponies always made her nervous. They never knew their place.

She turned to Lyra. “Come on. At a full gallop we can probably be there in a few minutes…”

Ditzy: Or you will explode or something.

The orange earth pony bit her lip at Trixie’s obvious distress, and didn’t seem to miss Lyra’s own despite the mint-green unicorn working to hide it. “Hold on,” she insisted. “Is it really that important that you get where you’re going quickly?”

Doctor: She’s right mare! Think of what you are doing!

Ditzy: Nothing could possibly be worth the risk of going out midday!

Trixie pointed a hoof straight up. “It is if we don’t want to be outside in this,” she responded.

“Is that all?” she asked. At a confirming nod from Trixie, she pointed down the path that lead to her house. “You can come inside if you like. I was just about to make myself lunch.”

Ditzy: Wait a minute. In this world I won’t be allowed to have a picnic at lunch. How lame is that?

“Oh, no. We wouldn’t want to impose,” Trixie lied, for herself at least.

Doctor: She planned on hoarding all the treats she could and perhaps steal a few towels and a few odds and ends.

“No. I insist,” the earth pony said, trotting behind Trixie and Lyra and shooing them towards her house, a rustic cottage about a hundred feet from the fence. Trixie put up only a small show of resisting before the three of them crossed the distance from the fence to the earth pony’s front door and made their way inside.

Doctor: They dove into the house in a slow motion.

Trixie did not hide her very real sigh of relief as she got out from under the sun’s rays and was, instead,

All: (Breath heavily)

Doctor: My hearts almost couldn’t take it.

Ditzy: And they have to go through that everyday!

safely enclosed by four walls and a sturdy roof.

Doctor: Which I am sure will protect you from a crazed Alicorn.

The house inside was simple and plainly decorated, looking like it contained little more than a living room, kitchen, and a few bedrooms, without so much as a second story.

Ditzy: That doesn’t sound like the Carrot Top I know. She loves to collect stuff! Particularly porcelain figures.

Doctor: Apparently she doesn’t really live in her own home.

“Thank-you,” Trixie said as she turned to the earth pony who had taken the two unicorns in. Yes, Trixie had subtly influenced her towards that decision with a few well-chosen words said in the right tone of voice,

Ditzy: Unfortunately, it came off like as Trixie trying to hit on her.

but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be grateful about it.

Doctor: It also meant she didn’t need to show it.

Her new acquaintance shook her orange tresses. “No need,” she responded as she slipped her saddlebags off of her, taking them in her mouth and bringing them to her kitchen. With her bags no longer in the way, Trixie could see her cutie mark – a trio of healthy-looking, green-stalked carrots. After setting them down, she turned back to Trixie and Lyra. “My name is Carrot Top, incidentally.”

“Lyra Heartstrings,” the mint unicorn said as she used her magic to slide off her Gatsby cap and wool cloak. She used the levitated cap to point to Trixie. “And this is Trixie Lul – ”

Doctor: (Lyra) Trixie Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon.

“Just Trixie,” the other unicorn interrupted with an angry glare towards her companion,

Ditzy: Have you ever considered getting your name changed? To like, I don’t know, Trixie McAwesomemare?

before turning back to Carrot Top. “I’m Ponyville’s new representative from the Night Court of Luna.”

Trixie tried to keep the pride from her voice at that statement. She tried. She did not succeed, but she didn’t feel particularly bad about that, either.

Ditzy: She enjoyed putting commoners in their place.

Carrot Top’s eyes widened a little at the proclamation. “Oh my!” she exclaimed, trotting up to Trixie and giving a slight bow. “Um…so would that be Lady Trixie, or Countess, or Vicereine, or…?

Doctor: (Trixie) Your Majesty Queen Trixie would be acceptable.

Trixie shook her head, trying to hide her enjoyment at the bow. “

Ditzy: Though she would have prefered some hoof kissing as well.

Just Trixie. Or Representative Trixie, I suppose. I’m not a noble.”

Carrot Top seemed to be simultaneously surprised that the Princess would appoint a commoner to the position of Ponyville representative,

Ditzy: It did, however, explain her horrid outfit.

and comforted by the thought that Ponyville’s new representative would be a mare of the people.

Doctor: In truth she was a mare of Trixie.

From what Trixie understood, the previous holder – Blueblood something, or something Blueblood, Trixie hadn’t bothered to remember –

Ditzy: In fact Trixie had forgotten why she was even talking to this commoner to begin with.

had kept his noble person distant from the ponies of Ponyville prior to his retirement from office just a few weeks ago.

Ditzy: He found Ponycraft to be more worth his noble time.

“Anyway,” Lyra interrupted, “we don’t want to impose. We’ll just wait out midday here and be on our way.”

“To the Apples,” Carrot Top added, her voice once more losing a bit of joy.

Doctor: Apples were her mortal enemies.

She looked to Trixie. “So this is probably about the Longest Night festival, isn’t it?”

Trixie nodded at the mention of the celebration of the winter solstice, coming up in just two days. “Yes,” she confirmed. “I’ve been appointed as the official overseer of the festival. The Apples are overseeing the food stalls, I’m given to understand.” She looked out a window, at the empty, snow-covered fields surrounding the house. “So, you’re a carrot farmer, I take it?” Given the pony’s name and cutie mark,

Ditzy: (Trixie)(Snorts) You smell like one.

it was hardly a surprise when she nodded in affirmation. “What have you got planned?”

The farmer blinked a few times at Trixie’s question. “I’m sorry?” she asked.

Doctor: (Carrot Top) Sorry I spaced out for a moment there.

“For the festival,” Trixie continued. “Or is it some kind of surprise?”

The golden earth pony’s eyes continued to flutter in confusion for a few moments. “I…well, I don’t have any plans,” she said, as though the answer should have been obvious. “The Apples are overseeing the food stalls.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrows) What, all of them? Isn’t Ponyville a farming community? Oh right the ‘Apple Trust’.

Ditzy: So the Apple Family are a bunch a jerks in this universe?

Now it was Trixie’s turn to be confused. “Well, yes, because the Trust is experienced with coordinating large numbers of ponies,” she said. “But you don’t want to miss a sales opportunity like the Longest Night, do you?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And overpricing your goods by at least three times!

“Uh, Trixie?” Lyra asked, stepping next to the blue unicorn. “That’s not how it works in Ponyville. At least not with the big-time festivals in fall and winter and spring. The Apples run all the food stalls.”

“Why?”

Ditzy: Yeah why?

Doctor: Don’t small farms depend on these sales to stay in the black?

“That’s just how it is, Representative,” Carrot Top said, shrugging a little.

Doctor: (Carrot Top) So what I barely make ends meet and have almost nothing to eat most of the time.

Ditzy: Explains the empty house.

“It might have something to do with the Apples being the founding family of Ponyville.

Doctor: And ponies finding animal heads in their beds after opposing the Apples.

There are other farms, and we get to set up stalls during any of the minor celebrations, but not during the Longest Night, the Eventime, or the Ingathering.”

Ditzy: Those are some terrible names.

Trixie considered that. More specifically, she considered the thought of having only apples to eat in two days’ time. Apple fritters, apple pies, apple juice, caramel apple, candied apple, apple cider…

Ditzy: I am starting to get hungry...er I mean how horrible! Poor Trixie!

“That’s stupid and that’s not what’s happening this year,” Trixie proclaimed.

All: Down with the system!

Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 2

“Now you wait just one cotton-pickin’ minute,” the orange earth pony – Applejack – objected, pointing a hoof at Trixie.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Ya actually considering selling something other than apples!? Are ya out of yur Luna forsaken mind!

“Ah don’t know where y’all think you can just change the way things have been for centuries, but here in Ponyville, the Longest Night is an Apple family night.”

Ditzy: Um Applejack, Ponyville isn’t even a hundred years old yet.

Doctor: So what? Not really seeing your point here.

“Not this year,” Trixie objected, staring at the hoof pointed at her and wondering when the last time she heard such a thick country drawl was.

Ditzy: All she could really understand was “Apples, apples, apples, apples, apples!”

Less than an hour ago, she had been chatting pleasantly with Carrot Top over a simple lunch the earth pony had prepared for her and Lyra.

Ditzy: Gee, is there anything interesting about Carrot Top in this story?

Doctor: (Trixie) A single pea on a plate...thanks.

Now, she felt like she was involved in a physical wrestling match –

Ditzy: With an incoming elbow drop from the turnbuckle.

a wrestling match that could go south real fast, given that the entire Apple clan,

Ditzy: Was in this Royal Rumble against her.

it seemed, was just in the next room of the Apple’s surprisingly modestly-sized estate.

Doctor: And they looked like they were out for blood!

“I like apples as much as the next pony, but the thought of eating just apples, all day? No. I like a little variety to my festivals.”

Ditzy: (Apple) Blasphemy!

Doctor: (Apple) Death to the heathen!

“And just what gives you the right?” Applejack demanded, leaning forward threateningly.

Trixie straightened herself. “Not what,” she clarified, “who. Her Majesty, Luna Equestris, Shepherd of the Moon, Caretaker of the Sun, Mistress of the Star Beasts, Sovereign of the Three Tribes, Ruler of Equestria, my mentor, and your Princess,”

Ditzy: Fit that on a business card.

it was Trixie’s turn to jab a hoof at the obstinate pony. “As her appointed festival overseer, I have final say as to what can go into the catering.

Doctor: (Trixie) I could ban apples if I wanted to! Don’t push me.

And what I say is that there’s going to be not just apples,

Ditzy: I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think I actually miss Trixie speaking in the third person.

Doctor: Maybe you’re right. It is such a defining part of her character that it is odd to have it gone.

but carrots, and grapes, and pears, and celery, and broccoli,

Doctor: And pinecones.

and baked goods that don’t have apples in them, and anything else anypony wants.”

Ditzy: (Pony) Can I have nothing but candy for my meals?

Applejack fumed. “Well,” the pony said, tipping her Stetson hat over her eyes. “Y’all may be able to say what you want in. But the plain simple truth, consarn it, is that the other farms ain’t got the stockpiles.”

Ditzy: Stockpiles of mass deliciousness.

Applejack beamed as though in victory, tapping a hoof firmly on the wooden floor of the living area they were in, probably to indicate the expansive storehouse that lay beneath their hooves. “We’ve been preparin’ all year. Got a special horde saved since the last harvest, carefully preserved to be up to the finest Apple standards and usin’ only the best apples we could buck.” Applejack’s smile turned back into an icy glare, significantly colder than even the weather outside. “Nopony else’ll be able to match the quality. They just pile up their stock and freeze ‘em and hope for the best.”

Doctor: That doesn’t seem so bad. You should see the dishes Ditzy can come up with on a short notice!

Ditzy: Yeah, if everypony works together it shouldn’t really be a problem.

“I’m sure they’ll be able to dig out something,” Trixie insisted.

“And you think Her Majesty, Princess Luna Equestris, Shepherd of the Moon, and so on and so forth, will be okay with just any ol’ thing that’s been ‘dug out?’”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Are you kidding? I once saw her eat a carrotdog that fell into the mud!

Trixie blinked a few times at that. The earth pony, unfortunately, had her there.

Doctor: Not really. This is a festival, not a high class party. I doubt most ponies would be that picky.

For an immortal alicorn– or perhaps because she was an immortal alicorn – the Princess was an extremely picky eater. It was her one major flaw.

Ditzy: She won’t eat anything unless it had ketchup on it.

“Now look,” Applejack said, her tone changing from anger to a more conciliatory one.

Ditzy: A what?

Doctor: A pacifying one.

Ditzy: Oh.

“Ah’m sure y’all came here with the best of intentions. But mah family runnin’ the Longest Night is just the way things’ve been done around here, the way things’ll always get done. We need them sales to keep Sweet Apple Acres up n’ runnin’ smoothly. We can’t have other farms just cuttin’ into our profits.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) Ahem. The Apple Trust.

Trixie’s eyes widened a little at that. “The Apple Trust has a near-complete monopoly on apples in all of Equestria!” she exclaimed.

Ditzy: I still have no idea why Princess Luna being in charge would cause the Apple family to have a monopoly.

Doctor: Luna doesn’t believe in anti-trust laws.

She jabbed a hoof past Applejack, at the living area where the rest of the Apple clan, plus Lyra, were waiting, and probably listening in on every word.“How could you possibly – ”

“It’s a farm thing,” Applejack interrupted. “Ah don’t expect a fancy Canterlot mare – ”

Doctor: (Apple)(Sighs) She says that about everything! Yesterday we ran out of napkins and AJ refused to buy anymore on the grounds that it would destroy the trust!

“I’m actually from Neigh Orleans.”

“Well, Ah’m sorry for mah assumption. But Ah don’t expect any city mare to understand the delicate situation the Apple clan is in.

Doctor: Yes! Think of the Apple Clan’s poor monopoly!

Ditzy: Is this really happening? Applejack won’t do this! She always willing to help the smaller pony! She won’t ban other ponies from an event just to line her own pockets!

Doctor: It’s an alternate universe. Anything is possible.

Ditzy: Oh, that means the author can do whatever he wants and claim it’s valid because this an alternate universe, regardless of how much sense it makes.

Doctor: Pretty much.

Farms are always on the edge of disaster. One blight could ruin a whole harvest season.

Ditzy: Think about it! One bad harvest could totally destroy their monopoly!

Doctor: How can they afford the diamond-studded swimming pool Apple Bloom has always wanted!?

Darn near did back when Ah was just a little filly, a blight that spread to almost every apple farm in the country. If’n it weren’t for a goodly bit of foresight and savin’ for that very predicament, why, the entire Apple Trust might have gone under.”

Ditzy: Oh yeah I remember that. If it wasn’t for your and Granny Smith’s quick thinking, the whole Apple clan might be gone!

Doctor: That Granny Smith is quite the mare. Vinegar. Who would have thought?

Ditzy: It’s a shame she didn’t get to travel with us more.

Doctor: Yeah, getting pregnant certainly stopped her adventuring days flat.

Ditzy: Shame. I miss her.

Trixie found that hard to believe –

Ditzy: No kidding.

not the nation-wide apple blight, as she had vague memories of that back before she had become Princess Luna’s protégé; rather, that it had ever seriously cut into the Apple Trust’s coffers. Even if it was true, with their near-total monopoly on apples, the Trust would have been in a better position than any other apple-farming family to recover from the blight. If anything, it had probably driven their last true competition out of business.

Doctor: Trixie smelled a conspiracy.

Trixie let out a sigh. This Applejack was as stubborn as a mule.

Ditzy: Hey!

Doctor: That was just racist.

She wasn’t going to change her mind anytime soon, no matter what tack she took. “Fine,” Trixie conceded at length. “Fine. I’ll just…pack a lunch or bring my own snacks or something to the Longest Night.”

Ditzy: You’re giving in? Really? That doesn’t sound like Trixie.

Doctor: Maybe it might have worked if you stopped talking about yourself for five minutes and appealed to Applejack’s sense of fairness and love of Ponyville’s community.

Applejack beamed at her victory.

All: (Hum the Final Fantasy victory theme)

“Ah don’t think we’ll disappoint, Miss Trixie. Never have. This ain’t the first time Princess Luna has had the Longest Night in Ponyville and she’s come away smilin’ like a school filly every time.”

Doctor: (Trixie) A polite one no doubt!

Trixie nodded. “Fine,” she repeated, as the two trotted out of the room they had been in and into the living room. Trixie made a conscious effort to keep her eyes on the floor and ignore a significant number of glares she was getting from the rest of the Apple clan for what she’d said during the overheard conversation.

Doctor: And the torches and pitchforks many of them were holding.

“Thanks for the food, I guess. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot to do.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I got..this...thing..yeah...Better get going! (Whispering) Lyra, when I say the word. Run!

She made her way over to Lyra, who was already putting her Gatsby cap and wool cloak back on and was standing near the door. The door was blocked, however, by a small filly with a red mane and a straw-colored coat. She was glaring at Trixie, and stuck her tongue out in a very pointed and determined fashion, blowing a raspberry at the unicorn.

“Applebloom!” Applejack’s voice objected.

“But sis…!” the small filly objected strongly. “We can’t just let ‘er go just like that after – ”

“Applebloom, yes we can,” the orange mare explained,

Doctor: (Apple Bloom) But Grandpa Autumn Gold wudda least broken ona hur legs to make a point!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wait, what!?

Doctor: (Applejack) Apple Bloom! Don’t worry yur pretty little about it. As long as ya’ll don’t cross the Apples, ya got nutting to worry about!

trotting over to the filly and scooting her out of the way of the door. Lyra and Trixie both gave polite good-byes, and left as quickly as possible.

Ditzy: (Lyra) I’m not her friend by the way! No sir! Just met her today! I don’t like her one bit! In fact, I hate her as much as you do! Isn’t she the worst? (Nervous laughter)

The two were silent for several minutes as they trudged along the snow-bordered dirt path, before Lyra looked over to Trixie. “Was that filly going to suggest getting you tarred and feathered?” she asked.

Doctor: (Lyra) It sounded like a lot of fun.

“Of course not,” Trixie answered, doing nothing to keep the bitterness from her voice. “She was going to suggest I be lynched.”

Ditzy: Don’t feel so bad Trixie. The foals love lynching you!

“Ah,” Lyra said, nodding sagely. She sighed a moment later. “Look, you tried. And I’m not going to lie, I was not expecting that from you.

Doctor: (Lyra) And here I thought you were a spoiled selfish jerk that looked down on the common ponies!

I think it’s great and all that you were trying to get that carrot farmer a place in the Longest Night, but that’s just not how things happen in Ponyville.”

Doctor: So you keep saying.

Ditzy: Stopping saying stuff like that! You are only encouraging him to do something!

Trixie made a face.

Ditzy: It involved the right part of her face stretching up and the left part going down.

“I wasn’t doing it for her,” she responded.

All: Figures.

Doctor: (Trixie) And why would I care for some mud pony farmer?

“I mean, okay, yeah, it’d be great for her business and from the looks of things she needed it,

Doctor: (Trixie) But it’s not my problem.

but I wasn’t doing it for her. I was doing it for me.”

Ditzy: Trixie always wondered why ponies made a face after she said something like that. Why shouldn’t her magnificence be her first priority?

She looked to Lyra. “I mean, try to imagine eating an apple that hasn’t been chopped up, mixed with broccoli and alfalfa seeds and poppy seeds, drenched in butter – and I mean a whole stick of butter, real butter, not that fake stuff they have nowadays – and bread crumbs, and then the whole thing fried up.” Trixie grinned at her own recipe. “Ooh, and with eggs. Two eggs, scrambled and mixed in.”

Doctor: Any other random thing you want to throw in?

Ditzy: (Trixie) And some pickles, and some musk thistle, and some noodles, oh and don’t forget the pinecones!

Lyra blinked a few times at the thoroughly bizarre-sounding dish. “I’m…having an easy time imagining not eating an apple like that, actually.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Not even with butter?

“Huh,” Trixie replied, honestly surprised. “That doesn’t sound delicious?”

Doctor: (Trixie) What a weirdo. The ponies here are crazy!

“No.”

“Huh.”

Ditzy: On second thought, maybe it was a good thing the Apples won that argument after all.

There was a drawn-out silence between the two, before Lyra finally broke it. “So now where?” she asked.

“Well, after that fiasco, I’m in the mood for something easy,” Trixie responded. “So I guess…weather patrol? If you can find it.”

Lyra mumbled something under her breath at Trixie’s last comment, which Trixie chose to ignore.

Doctor: Trixie wondered if she kissed her mother with that mouth.

“Back to town…” the mint-green unicorn proclaimed, as the two began trotting back towards Ponyville proper.

“Rainbow Dash, if you don’t get your polychromatic flank in here in

Doctor: Someone has been playing around with a thesaurus I see.

– oh, hello there – in five minutes, then I’m going to quit and take the entire team with me!” The jasmine-coated, blue-maned pegasus with three drops of water for a cutie mark shouted at the top of her lungs after throwing open the door to the weather patrol station just as Trixie was about to knock on it. She had only barely been able to dodge out of the way of being killed by blunt force trauma from the door.

Ditzy: There is a surprising lack of slapstick in this story.

Doctor: I guess the author wanted to give Trixie a break there.

The two unicorns stared, wide-eyed, at the pegasus, frozen in place. The pegasus, for her part, had her gray-blue eyes focused intently on the winter sky, as she breathed deeply, apparently waiting for somepony named Rainbow Dash.

“Um,” Lyra said at length, breaking the silence. “Hi.”

“Hello,” the pegasus repeated, not breaking eye contact with the sky. “What are you here for?”

Doctor: (Pony) And our the last time we do not do requests!

Lyra turned to Trixie, who cleared her throat a little. “My name is Trixie,” she said. “I’m the new representative of Luna’s Night Court to Ponyville – ”

“And the festival overseer?” the pegasus guessed.

Doctor: (Pony) (Sighs) Let me guess. You want the whole sky full of rainbows for the Princess?

“Yes,” Trixie responded. “I just thought I’d stop by and see how the weather patrol is doing.” She looked up at the wintery sky, which was marred by a few cirrus clouds but otherwise was a clear, perfect blue. “…and everything seems to be just fine, actually.”

The pegasus blinked a few times, tearing her eyes away from the sky and glaring at Trixie.

“Fine?” she demanded. “Fine?”

Ditzy: (Pony) What are suppose to do in the mean time? Clean the office? Sort papers? Do you have any idea how boring it can get around here?!

“Well, there’s a few clouds,” Trixie admitted, “but you’ve got two days to clear them, and I don’t imagine it’ll be very hard to keep new ones from forming…”

Doctor: Unless some weather based supervillain attacks the town. Which isn’t out of the realm of possibility.

The pegasus leaned forward. “Are you serious?” she demanded, then looked to Lyra, wings fluttering in agitation. “Is she serious? Everything isn’t fine! There’s a storm building over the Everfree right now,

Ditzy: Well shoot.That is a problem.

Doctor: (Sighs) Always the Everfree.

probably coming this way, and our weather manager has disappeared! Again!”

Doctor: (Pony) Why does she insist on using a drawn on watch as a way to tell time?!

She paused a moment. “I’m Raindrops, by the way. Hi.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) You might not have any idea who I am, but I have appeared in the background many times honest!

The pegasus turned around and stomped inside the tall spire near Ponyville’s center that was the weather patrol station, the tallest structure in Ponyville.

Ditzy: I was a full….four stories high!

She didn’t close the door behind her, so Trixie decided to take that as an invitation to enter, with Lyra following. Inside, the tower was mostly hollow space, with various pegasi flitting about in the upper levels, looking over charts and maps and plans that were plastered across the building’s inner walls. All in all, there were maybe two dozen pegasi in the station, all of them looking extraordinarily busy and none of them looking particularly coordinated.

Ditzy: It is too bad Twilight isn’t the main character. She would have solved this in a jiffy!

Trixie heard several statements along the lines of ‘all our plans ruined,’ ‘it would be just before the Longest Night that this happens,’ and, most commonly, ‘where in the Princess' name is Rainbow Dash?’

Ditzy: Did anypony check the nearest tree?

“So,” Trixie said, as she trotted up next to Raindrops before the pegasi could fly straight up and away. “Why are you making a storm in the Everfree Forest if it’s going to be such a problem?”

Raindrops’ eyes widened at that. “Why are we…” she began, then shook her mane. “Right. New here. We don’t make the weather in the Everfree.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Didn’t you read the dossier the Princess gave you about Ponyville?

Ditzy: (Trixie) Um, I skimmed it a bit.

“Then who does?”

“Nopony does. The Everfree just does what the Everfree wants.”

Trixie blinked a few times as she tried to wrap her mind around that one. “The…weather just happens on its own?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Sorcery! Evil! It must be cleansed from all of Equestria!

Raindrops whickered in annoyance. “Don’t know why. Best us weather ponies can do is deal with it as it rolls over us. Good news is that once it leaves the Everfree’s airspace, we can work it again. The bad news, of course, being that until it does, there isn’t a thing we can do about it, meaning some very large storms can build up.” Raindrops gestured half-heartedly to the Ponyvillian weather team. “You’re looking at the most over-worked, under-appreciated ponies in Equestria.”

Ditzy: Darn straight.

Trixie couldn’t help but notice a slight tug at the corner of Raindrops’ lips as she said that – if forced to hazard a guess, the unicorn would have ventured that Raindrops, despite her complaining, enjoyed the job and the challenge it presented.

Doctor: Or she just remembered a good joke.

The unicorn trotted over to one wall, where a map of the Everfree forest had been set up, and a weather diagram the likes of which Trixie had never seen before placed next to it.

Doctor: It was made of macaroni.

The diagram made mention of air pressure, humidity, average temperature, and something called “forecasts” of the Everfree Forest’s upcoming weather.

Ditzy: Forecast? It was some fancy word Trixie had never heard of before.

Their diagram also made it pretty clear that it was all just a bunch of guesswork.

Doctor: One of the diagram mentioned some nonsense about chocolate rain.

“That’s useless now,” Raindrops answered as she came up alongside Trixie, reaching up a hoof and tearing down the weather diagram, tossing it into a nearby garbage bin.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Hey! I haven’t finish reading that yet!

“The Everfree looked like it was going to be pretty quiet. Then this heat wave came out of nowhere a few days ago and started messing up everything.

Doctor: Hmmm, is that so?

Hot air from the Everfree is mixing with the cold air from the rest of Equestria. Might be a thunderstorm, a blizzard, tornado, hurricane,

Ditzy: Shower of frogs.

I don’t know what’s brewing in there, but it’s going to be arriving soon. If we’re lucky, it won’t hit until after the Longest Night has passed.” She paused a moment, considering her own words. “But we’re not lucky.”

Doctor: The plot demands it!

“And your weather manager has disappeared at a time like this?” Trixie asked incredulously.

Raindrops’ almost-smile disappeared, replaced by a rather firm frown as her wings sagged. “Rainbow Dash. She just up and disappeared after her last shift.”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) We suspect aliens.

“Disappeared?” Lyra asked. Trixie jumped, having forgotten that her fellow unicorn was nearby, but Raindrops seemed to take the mint-green pony’s appearance in easy stride.

Doctor: Trixie assumed the two would instantly hate each. She certainly didn’t like Lyra.

“Pop. Gone. I’m not worried, she does it all the time, but she has a real knack for picking the worst possible times.”

Ditzy: Like the time Ponyville was hit with a sharknado!

Raindrops shook her mane. “She’s the fastest flier in Equestria. She brags about that a lot, but I’ve seen her move and it’s the stars-sworn truth. When the Everfree storm hits, we’ll need her.” Once again, Raindrops considered her own words. “Not that she’ll be there.

Ditzy: Oh come on! Rainbow isn’t that bad. She may be a bit lazy sometimes, but she always comes through in the end!

Without her here leading us, Cloud Kicker’s the one in charge, but…” she pointed a hoof upwards. Flitting about from one pony and one station to the next was a pegasus mare with a gray coat and yellow mane and tail, looking incredibly frazzled and talking incoherently to each pony she met.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Forgive her, she doesn’t have the time to ask you if you want to bang.

Raindrops watched her impassively for a few moments. “She doesn’t take pressure well,” the pegasus said.

Doctor: (Pony) Cloud Kicker locked herself in the bathroom again and won’t come out.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Again?! Excuse me, I need to handle this.

Lyra and Trixie looked between each other, the latter beginning to suspect that Raindrops’ name and cutie mark didn’t simply represent a talent for making precipitation.

Doctor: They thought it might mean she has a talent in tap dancing as well.

“Well,” Trixie said, tipping her hat a little. “You have a lot of work to do. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks. We’ll do what we can for the festival, just…” Raindrops offered a resigned shrug. “No promises.”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Expect disaster at any moment.

The two unicorns made their way from the weather station, Trixie wearing a grimace that would have done Raindrops proud. “So…” she said. “Nothing but apples in a few days, plus we might all die in a blizzard or get sucked up in a tornado or struck by lightning. This is shaping up nicely.”

Ditzy: Typical day in Ponyville.

Doctor: (Shrugs) It comes with the job.

Lyra frowned herself. “Yeah, I’m not liking this job very much,” the pony said. “I think I’d rather of just had the Longest Night come and have it all collapse around me, rather than see it falling to pieces ahead of time.”

Doctor: But that is what makes it so much fun!

Trixie glared at Lyra, but to her surprise the other unicorn offered a somewhat-playful bump with one shoulder. “Calm down,” the unicorn insisted. “It’s not your fault.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) I don’t think you’re that big of a disappointment to the Princess.

“No, but as the overseer I’m going to be blamed for it,” Trixie pointed out, sighing. “I wonder if Luna knew that everything was going to the sun and back here and sent me here because of it.”

“That seems mean,” Lyra said, making a face at the thought of the Princess being so needlessly cruel.

Ditzy: What if she’s doing it to test Trixie skills?

Despite the implications, however, it didn’t seem beyond the realm of possibility; if anything, it fit right in with the stories of the political sniping and shadowy games that was the food and drink of the Night Court of Luna.

Doctor: Luna encouraged corruption and decadence in her court.

“She was…less than happy with me the last time we spoke.” Trixie said. “After the ice palace thing we got into an argument about how I’m not taking my studies seriously anymore, and I said it’s because none of it mattered.”

Doctor: She doubted she could ever get a decent job with her education.

She looked to Lyra. “I mean, you’ve got a musical education and a direction you want your life to move in. Me? All I had to look forward to was another year of the same stuff. It was getting old.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I deserve to be a princess!

“So you think that Princess Luna set you up to fail?” Lyra asked.

“Wouldn’t put it past her.” Trixie mulled this thought over for a few minutes, then shook her mane.

Ditzy: That doesn’t really sound like her.

Doctor: Remember what this story did to Applejack and Rainbow Dash?

Ditzy: Oh right.

“Whatever. Let’s just move on to decorations. It’s supposed to be overseen by some unicorn pony named Rarity.”

Lyra’s trotting faltered a moment at that. “Ugh,” she groaned, turning down a path with Trixie in tow.

Ditzy: Oh come on. Rarity too?

Doctor: Is this going to happen to all the original bearers of the Elements of Harmony?

She began chanting a number to herself, a large, round number that was, coincidentally, the payment she was receiving from Luna to serve as Trixie’s escort.

Doctor: (Lyra) Think of the paycheck. Think of the paycheck.

“So you know her,” Trixie guessed.

Lyra ground her teeth together. “Yes,” she declared.

Doctor: (Lyra) She called my Gatsby cap tacky! What does that mare know about fashion!?

“No,” the white unicorn said in a firm voice, “no, no, no! You simply cannot wear that ensemble around town anymore!”

Ditzy: (Rarity) Look at these holes and tears! Were you wrestling a bear before you got here?

Trixie’s eyes were wide as she reared up on her hind legs, using a hoof to try and fend off her attacker. “I like my hat and cape!”

Ditzy: (Rarity) This is a hobo suit, darling. You can't be seen in this. I won't allow it.

“Yes, I’m sure they’re fine if you want to cry out circus attraction,” Rarity proclaimed as she closed in, horn glowing as she levitated measuring tape, scissors and fabric.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Come one and all! Behold! Trixie Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon! The most tacky and unfashionable pony in all of Equestria!

Doctor: Ooooo! Ahhh!

“But if you’re to be our new noble representative of the Night Court – ”

Ditzy: (Rarity) For Luna’s sake at least comb your hair!

“Princess Luna didn’t ennoble me!”

“I mean noble as a metaphor, darling.

Ditzy: (Rarity) I could tell you're a nopony just looking at you.

Gallant, upright, dignified, all these things and more which you most certainly are not while wearing those rags!”

Doctor: She has a point.

Trixie leapt backwards – no easy feat when standing on only two legs – and let her own horn glow beneath her hat, calling up a solid blue bubble of arcane energy around herself just as the measuring tape held by Rarity lunged. It smacked harmlessly against Trixie’s impromptu shield.

Doctor: Yes! Protect yourself from Rarity’s fashion...sense...

“These aren’t rags!” Trixie proclaimed.

Doctor: True Trixie may have gotten them from a cheap costume shop, but they are not rags!

“And they match my coat and eyes perfectly! And they’re both enchanted several times over making them worth more than their weight in gold!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) They give +40% Cold Resistance, -4 Wisdom, -2 Intelligence, and -10 Charisma!

Trixie paused, then let out a long sigh as she remembered a few details about the shield spell she had cast.

Doctor: It can’t be uncast by the wielder and can last for days.

“And you can’t hear me because this bubble is airtight. Great.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Hey, this means I can call you as many horrible things as I want and you won’t hear me!

Rarity was still poised on the other side of the shield, talking fervently to Lyra as the musician tried to calm down the fashion designer,

Doctor: (Rarity) But, she is just so unfabulous! It should be a crime!

Ditzy: (Lyra) I know, I know, but it’s her way. Just let her be, and soon she will be out of our hair for good.

but the white unicorn’s eyes hadn’t left their death-lock on Trixie’s own. At a guess, Trixie supposed that she had about five minutes of air inside the bubble, and briefly entertained the idea of letting herself suffocate

Doctor: Trixie would literally rather die than be seen without her trademark ensemble.

before remembering that wouldn’t work:

Ditzy: She was contractually obligated to be in all the chapters of the fic.

as soon as she lost consciousness, the spell would fail, and she would be helpless while Rarity would be free to do things to her – horrible, unspeakable things. Like try and put her in something frilly – or, Luna forbid, a dress.

All: (Gasp)

Ditzy: (Faints)

Trixie still waited until the air began to get stale before letting her shield spell fade away. Rarity didn’t lunge immediately, which Trixie took as a good sign. “I’m. Not here. For a makeover,” the blue unicorn said,

Doctor: (Trixie) Though a hooficure would be nice right now.

Ditzy: Oh come on! No fashion montage?

slowly and determinedly. “I’m here. To see. How the decorations. Are coming.”

Rarity pouted. “Well, of course they’re coming along just magnificently, darling,” the pony said. Her horn glowed once more, and Trixie flinched, but the other unicorn had merely grabbed an overly large sketchbook, which she opened to a page and presented to Trixie. Inside of it, she had used pencils of various colors to sketch out a remarkably detailed picture of Ponyville’s town hall, the large auditorium of which would be hosting the opening ceremonies of the Longest Night. The auditorium had been bedecked in various banners, curtains, tassels, and other fineries, with stalls set up along the edges to provide food and drinks for the ponies. The stage, meanwhile, was dominated by the flag of Equestria hanging down from its center: a stylized, eight-armed blue sun, with a darker crescent moon inside of it with horns pointing downwards, and tucked between the horns of the moon a single white star.

Ditzy: Say what you will about her personality. That mare knows how to decorate!

It was a beautiful drawing. It was, however, just a drawing.

Doctor: Trixie assumed that Rarity was too busy caring about other ponies’ fashion sense to ever get anything done.

Trixie looked to Rarity, eyebrow raised. “That’s nice,” she said. “But how far along with this are you?”

“Oh, just about finished of course!” Rarity said, floating the sketch away. “In fact I shall be putting the finishing touches on it later tonight. You could stop by then, if you like, say around sundown? Or you could come by tomorrow, perhaps, and we could spend the midday together?”

Trixie debated whether she’d rather be trapped outside or trapped with Rarity during the midday, and found both thoughts equally unpleasant.

Ditzy: Oh come, really!? I know I might not have the best opinion of Rarity, but even I think that’s ridiculous.

Doctor: Yes a horrible afternoon of drinking tea and having pleasant chats.

“Tomorrow,” she said, “but probably after midday. Say around two o’clock.”

The white unicorn pouted a little. “Very well, Miss Trixie,” she said. “I’ll see you then.”

Trixie turned to leave, but stopped when she heard Rarity add, “and I’ll be sure to bring some…emergency fashion supplies with me. You can keep the clown suit if you really want, but eyes, a mane, and a coat like yours really shouldn’t be wasted by someone in your position!”

Doctor: (Rarity) If not at least have the decency to wear a bag over your head!

Trixie’s eyes were slightly larger than dinner plates as she fled the Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s home and store, at a full gallop.

Ditzy: (Rarity) She knows I was kidding right?

Lyra caught up only with some effort as Trixie stopped at a tree outside

Doctor: Panting completely out of breath.

that she had ducked and hid behind, albeit not very well.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Little does Rarity know that my cloak gives me +35% Hide in Shadows!

“And now you know,” Lyra said with a laugh.

Ditzy: Wait, we are suppose to side against Rarity on this issue?

Doctor: Apparently.

Trixie glared at Lyra. “You…” she hissed. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

Doctor: (Trixie) She was going to dress me up, do my hair, and and put makeup on me! How could you!

“Maybe a little,” Lyra laughed, pulling down the brim of her Gatsby. While Rarity had made a few comments about her own choice of dress,

Ditzy: Sorry, but that hat isn’t that great Lyra.

she had been entirely focused on Trixie when she had learned who the blue unicorn was and what she was doing in Ponyville.

Ditzy: Trixie makes a great fashion meat shield.

“Lighten up, Trixie. Rarity at least seems to have all decorations in perfect – oh, hi Cheerilee!”

Doctor: Lyra has ADHD.

Lyra’s gaze had turned to a magenta earth pony with pink hair, wearing a warm-looking wool cloak and cap ensemble.

Ditzy: Has Luna decreed that everypony wear a hat in this world?

The pony paused at the sight of Lyra, before a wide grin split her features. “Lyra!” she exclaimed, trotting up to the unicorn as Lyra did likewise. “When did you get back in Ponyville?”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) And who’s the clown?

“A few hours ago,” Lyra admitted as the two nuzzled affectionately, clearly old friends. “I’m showing Trixie here around town. Oh,” Lyra took a step away from Cheerilee, pointing to Trixie. “Cheerilee, this is Trixie. She’s going to be the representative of Luna’s Night Court to Ponyville.” She held out a hoof when Cheerilee started to bow respectfully. “Don’t do that, she isn’t a noble and enjoys seeing ponies do that way too much.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Why the Princess made a common as dirt pony like Trixie as her student I will never know.

Trixie pouted slightly, but found herself doing it mostly for show rather than putting any actual feeling behind it.

Ditzy: After all, this was the best anypony has treated her in years!

“Trixie,” Lyra continued, “this is Cheerilee. She’s my second-oldest friend here in Ponyville and she’s studying to be a school teacher.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I didn’t ask for her life story.

Cheerilee’s smile dropped at that, and she looked down. “Oh,” she said in a low voice. “I guess you didn’t hear I’m not studying for that anymore.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I’m going to join my sister as a professional wrestler!

Lyra blinked a few times. “I – I’m sorry,” she said, looking mortified. “I didn’t – ”

“Because I graduated and run Ponyville’s elementary school now!” Cheerilee exclaimed, smile returning with full force, beaming like the stars.

Lyra and Cheerilee both made sounds at that which were just inside Trixie’s range of hearing but well inside her audio pain threshold.

Ditzy: It sounded like a dying whale.

She put her hooves to her ears as she waited for the two friends to stop squealing with joy and prancing around each other. “Congratulations,” Trixie ventured at the first opportunity.

Doctor: (Trixie) If you find running a school in this rat hole of a town is worthy of celebration.

Cheerilee offered a polite nod at that, but turned back to Lyra, clearly intent on catching up with her old friend. “So have you seen BonBon yet?”

Ditzy: (Lyra) No, but I saw Bon-Bon when I was on my way to Sweet Apples Acres.

Lyra shook her head, and one of Trixie’s eyebrows raised as she noticed Lyra’s smile shifted from ‘joy at seeing an old friend’ to ‘embarrassed yet wistful,’ and also began to blush a color that matched Cheerilee’s coat. Trixie decided to mentally file that away as ‘interesting’ as she watched the two.

Doctor: But quickly got bored and started daydreaming about being a princess.

“I’ve been dragging Trixie around town,” Lyra said, gesturing to her companion.

Doctor: (Lyra) The lack of a leach has been a problem, but she’s has behaved for the most part.

“And it’s been three years since I saw her, I mean really had a chance to see her, not just a quick weekend visit, and I don’t want to just show up and – ”

Lyra was interrupted by Cheerilee putting a hoof on her shoulder. Her own smile had shifted to be warm and caring. “Stop avoiding her,” she advised. “She’s been waiting long enough.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Excuse me, but can we go already? We have better things to do than listen to Lyra’s romantic problems.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) (Sighs) Yes Trixie.

Lyra blinked at that, before nodding fervently. “Right,” she said. “No problem.”

“Anyway,” Cheerilee said, pointing a hoof past Lyra and at the Carousel Boutique. “I’ve got an appointment to keep about the decorations.” Her voice betrayed no love lost for Rarity,

Ditzy: Everypony must dislike the Mane 6! Everypony!

Doctor: Really?

something else which Trixie decided to file away as ‘interesting.’

Doctor: (Trixie) Does the author have something against the Mane 6?

“I’ll see you around, Lyra. But not before you’ve seen BonBon!” She turned to Trixie. “And you too, Representative,” she said, offering a deep, overtly formal bow before taking off.

Ditzy: Cheerilee really really believes in formality!

Trixie blinked a few times. “Ha,” she said, turning around to get ready to trot to her next destination. “I got my bow in spite of your best – stars above!” The exclamation came as she found herself face-to-face – noses touching, even – with a blue-eyed, pink-coated pony who seemed to be staring into her soul.

Ditzy: All Pinkie saw was a field filled of nothing but statues of Trixie.

Trixie stumbled backwards, and thankfully the pink pony didn’t move.

Doctor: Pinkious Pieious is known to attack when startled.

Trixie stared at the pony. “Um – ” she began. The pink pony let out a gigantic gasp, then suddenly sped off, running away at speeds Trixie thought only pegasi were capable of pulling and quickly disappearing into Ponyville.

Doctor: Trixie assumed all mud ponies were slow and stupid.

The blue unicorn blinked, trying to force her heart to stop attempting to burst from her chest at the shock she had just received. She noticed Lyra was staring at her, her own eyes wide but with a look of bitter defeat on her face.

Ditzy: (Lyra) The lotto numbers didn’t match up...again!

“I’m sorry,” the unicorn apologized as though telling Trixie that her aunt and uncle had died. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Ditzy: If we are going to throw Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash under the bus, why not Pinkie Pie as well!

Doctor: Yes, yes, to show how much better your new bearers of the Elements of Harmony are.

Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 3

“What was that?” Trixie demanded as she got to her hooves,

Ditzy: (Trixie) A horror escaped from Tartarus perhaps?

wondering if it was possible to overdose on adrenaline. She certainly felt like it after the shock she’d just received.

Doctor: (Trixie) Oh crap I think I’m having a stroke!

Lyra bit her lip. “That was Pinkie Pie,” she explained, scuffing a hoof on the cobblestone street beneath her. “She moved here a little bit before I went to Canterlot. She’s probably run off to throw you a party.”

Ditzy: Sooooo? I am not really seeing a problem here.

Doctor: Oh dear. I think I see where this is going.

Trixie blinked as she took in Lyra’s words verses the tone of her voice. “Why are you saying that like it’s synonymous with ‘she’s going to drag me into a basement and torture me?’”

Ditzy: ...Really?

“She gives off that vibe, doesn’t she?” Lyra asked,

All: No.

Doctor: No, that is just silly.

stepping forward and putting a hoof on Trixie’s shoulder as though bracing the other unicorn for bad news.

Doctor: (Lyra) You’re going to be thrown a party and you are probably going to like it.

“It’ll be a surprise party. Probably when you least expect it.

Ditzy: (Lyra) In the shower, while having lunch, going to the dentist, while getting groceries.

If you do see it coming, though, don’t run. She’ll just follow you and drag you there.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Please, how fast could she be?

Trixie was beginning to grow seriously concerned. “What?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Lyra) And don’t try to skip the country. I tried that...it didn’t work.

“Just enjoy her party.” Lyra said. “They are enjoyable. And this is your first so you’ll get to have a lot of fun. Eat, drink, and be happy,

Ditzy: Trixie happy?

Doctor:: Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we get another party!

but for the love of Luna do not mention any reason for her to throw you another party.

Doctor: (Trixie) Not really seeing the problem here. My birthday isn’t until three months from now.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Poor naive foal.

Because she will. And then another. And another. And another. And…you see where this is going.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Not really.

The new representative of the Night Court raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?” she asked. “Just more parties?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Can I at least get special new themes for them?

“An infinite loop of parties.” Lyra said.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Every single day with no chance to rest. You try to get a few hours sleep? Bam! Another party!

“Her special talent is making ponies smile, and she’s good at it, I guess,

Ditzy: I guess? Are you kidding? She’sgreatat it! It even works on the crabby pants Doctor!

Doctor: Ha ha.

but it is way too easy for her to go completely overboard.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Seriously, did we really need a ‘Lyra Found Her Lost Keys’ party!?

Ditzy: (Lyra) By the way, if Pinkie Pie does something crazy or seemingly impossible…don’t think about. The last pony that tried to figure it out now acts like a dog!

Trixie did not like the sound of that. “Okay…so go to the party and enjoy myself but don’t look like I’m enjoying myself too much.” As she thought about that, she smiled a little. “So basically like the Grand Galloping Gala, then. Easy.”

Doctor: (Trixie) It’s a valuable skill in any high society party.

Lyra’s eyes widened a little at the casual mention of the most prestigious social event in all of Equestrian society. “You’ve been to the Gala?”

Ditzy: The Gala must be really boring without Princess Celestia actively trying to sabatosh it.

“Five times,” Trixie responded with a nod, then grinned and pointed a hoof at her chest.

Doctor: You poor thing.

“Luna’s protégé, remember? Of course I’ve been.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Though for some reason I have never actually seen the Princess attend one.

Lyra pouted a little. “Lucky…”

Ditzy: You are going to eat those words.

Trixie shrugged. “Anyway,” Trixie said, stepping away from Lyra and consulting her mental list of destinations and ponies to see. “Last stop is music. Somepony named Fluttershy volunteered to – ”

Ditzy: To be the sweet rocking DJ!

Lyra looked surprised once more. “Fluttershy?” she interrupted. “She volunteered? You sure you’re remembering right?”

Ditzy: Ugh. Here we go again!

Doctor: (Sighs)

Trixie’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Completely. I have a photographic memory.”

“Really?”

Ditzy: (Lyra) What did I snack on during our train ride here to Ponyville?

Doctor: (Lyra) How many steps is it from Sweet Apple Acres to Carousel Boutique?

“Well, no. But there’s a spell that lets you perfectly remember something for twenty-four hours, and I used it on my list of ponies I needed to see.”

Doctor: (Trixie) It does, however, have the unfortunate side effect of me forgetting the entire week later, but I don’t think that should be much of issue if you ask me.

“Useful…” Lyra said, tapping one hoof to her mouth as she thought.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Why couldn’t I be the Princess’s protege?.

“Fluttershy is…well, shy. Incredibly shy.

Doctor: Hence the name.

I don’t know her very well…which means that if you and me show up at her cottage she’ll probably just hide under her bed and wait for us to go away.”

Ditzy: ...Really?

Doctor: At...least she isn’t a jerk?

Ditzy: That’s yet to be determined.

Trixie’s eyebrow arched at that. “Then…why did she volunteer to do music?”

Doctor: The author needed to contrive a reason for her to be in the fic.

“I don’t know, it’s not very in-character for her…” Lyra said as she continued to consider.

Doctor: (Lyra) I think the author is starting to slip.

“She barely even comes into town, usually just mail-orders stuff straight to her home – ha! Got it.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) She wants to impress a colt!

Doctor: (Lyra) She’s trying to advance the career of Tim the robin!

Lyra looked around a moment, getting her bearings, before pointing down one of Ponyville’s streets.

Doctor: (Trixie) We’re going to the red light district?

“Okay, this way. We’ll probably have to recruit some help on this one.”

Trixie blinked. “Help?”

Ditzy: (Lyra) They are called the Confidence Squad. They help ponies during moments of self doubt. No self hating thought can get past them!

“Help!” a panicked voice came from inside of Ponyville’s post office. The unicorns spared each other a glance before dashing inside, horns glowing and ready to face just about any problem that might confront them.

Doctor: (Trixie) Here I come to save the day!

Except this one, “this one” being an impossibly large pile of envelopes, boxes, loose paper, stamps, mail bags, mail carts, at least one overturned shelf, and, for some bizarre reason, a half-eaten tray of muffins.

Ditzy: What did they expect? This is a post office.

Doctor: Who would have guessed postal workers like muffins?

Just barely poking out from the pile was a single hoof, waving frantically.

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s it? Come on Lyra we have better thing we could be doing.

The two unicorns once again paused, this time in utter confusion as to how such a gigantic mess could have been caused.

Ditzy: Let’s see....aliens, creature from the everfree forest, warlock, changelings, robots from the future, robots from the past, robbers, disgruntled postal workers, mind control, freak weather, supervillain attack, or somepony tripped.

They quickly went to work, however, magically hefting and lifting the piles of assorted mail and mail-related things off of the pony who was trapped beneath it all. After several moments of working together, they finally pushed aside enough for the trapped pony – a gray pegasus with a yellow mane and tail, wearing the navy uniform and cap of a mail mare – to break free from her papery prison and get her hooves on a solid wooden floor again.

Doctor: You have a surprising tendency to show up in these fics we do.

Ditzy: (Facehooves) Oh no. I don’t want to know what this fic is going to do to me too!

“Ugh,” the pony groaned, rubbing her head a few moments. She opened her eyes and looked to Trixie and Lyra. “I just don’t know what went wrong…”

Ditzy: Ha.Ha.Ha.

Doctor: There there.

Trixie realized she was staring, tried to stop, and failed miserably.

Ditzy: Trixie was in love!

The pegasus pony had yellow eyes, quite vibrant ones at that, but the two of them refused to focus, with her left eye focused mostly on Trixie, while the right one was pointed out and upwards, towards the ceiling. “Um,” Trixie said, extending a hoof mechanically, “hi.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Trixie-bot 3000 is happy to meet you.

The pegasus took it with both hooves, fumbling slightly as she did, and shook it. “Thank-you!” she said. “I don’t know how I would have gotten out of there without you two.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Good. We expect a 300 bit reward for saving your life or else you’re going back under there.

As she said this, she released Trixie’s captured hoof and turned to Lyra, shaking hers as well. “I was climbing a shelf to get to my muffins but then everything just started falling…”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I really need to lay off the muffins!

Trixie blinked a few times. “Climbing?” she asked, looking to the pegasus’ wings. “Why didn’t you just fly?”

“Oh,” the pegasus said, grinning as she scratched the back of her head with one hoof. “I…forgot. Yeah.”

“You forgot you could fly?” Lyra asked incredulously, though obviously believing the pegasus despite the question. Trixie, on the other hand, was fairly adept at recognizing lies when she heard them.

Doctor: The backstabbing nature of Luna’s court taught her very well!

“Yeah,” the pegasus said sheepishly. “Forgot I could fly.” She turned to look at the mess she had made. “Uh…I think the post office is going to close early today,

Ditzy: (Shakes head) Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night, nor tentacle horror stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

so if you were hoping to get something mailed you’ll have to wait,

Ditzy: Or use the drop off box.

um…?” She turned to look at the two mares.

“Lyra Heartstrings,” the mint-green unicorn introduced herself. “And this is Trixie.

Ditzy: Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon!

And no, we weren’t here to have anything mailed.

Doctor: (Lyra) But we would like to get some Star Swirl the Bearded stamps.

We were actually hoping to speak with the mail pony who makes deliveries to a cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest – ”

Ditzy: Do you mean Me, Mr. Zippy, or Post Haste?

“Fluttershy’s?” the pegasus asked. At a confirming nod, she tapped her chest. “That would be me. Oh, I’m Ditzy Doo.”

Doctor: Ditzy, you’re crying!

Ditzy: It’s so beautiful! I never thought a fic would ever get my name right!

“Great!” Lyra exclaimed, turning to Trixie. “Like I said, Fluttershy would probably hide under a bed if too many ponies showed up at her doorstep,

Ditzy: (Sighs)

Doctor: That must make Hearth’s Warming caroling awkward.

so it should just be you and Ditzy Doo here who go and see her.”

Ditzy: Who better to put a pony at ease than Trixie!

Trixie raised an eyebrow at that. “Are you ditching me?” she asked.

Doctor: (Lyra) Well duh, I have better things to do than foalsit you all day!

Lyra opened her mouth to object, thought better of it, and instead nodded. “Yes,” she confirmed. “I have some things I need to do. I’ll meet you at your place later.”

Doctor: (Trixie) But, you’ve barely shown me around town!

Lyra didn’t wait for confirmation before leaving the post office,

Ditzy: (Lyra) Screw you, I’m outta here!

a noticeable spring to her step and swing to her haunches as she did. Trixie wasn’t certain how she felt about the mint green unicorn leaving,

Ditzy: There there. Don’t cry.

but her contemplations on the matter were interrupted as she noticed a pair of yellow eyes focused on her. She turned, surprised to see that Ditzy Doo, apparently, could lock both eyes onto a subject if she wanted.

Ditzy: Trixie assumed Ditzy was a clutz that can never get anything right!

Doctor: Now now.

“Hmm,” Ditzy Doo thought. “Don’t think I’ve seen you around town before, and I thought I knew everypony.”

“You didn’t know Lyra,” Trixie pointed out.

Ditzy: Well, ponies seem to forget she even exists for some reason.

“I didn’t know her face,” the pegasus corrected, turning around – one eye lingering on Trixie for slightly longer than the other one as they became walled once more – and beginning to dig through the pile of letters she had previously been trapped underneath, searching unerringly despite the utter chaos.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Oh hey! I found a letter that should have been delivered thirty years ago!

After a few moments, she held up an envelope, stamped with the magic academy’s sigil. “Lyra Heartstrings, 12 Hayseed Lane. Moved away three years ago to attend Luna’s school of magic on a music scholarship, just before I started my job here. I’ve been delivering her mail to her parent’s house because she never got a new mailing address.” Ditzy Doo’s eyes both narrowed at that. “I hate it when ponies do that.”

Ditzy: No kidding. All you have to do is fill out a single piece of paper. It isn’t that hard!

Trixie blinked a few times. “You know all that?” She asked. “How?”

Doctor: (Ditzy) I have files on everypony in Ponyville. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

“I read her mail.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy): Don’t you? It’s a great way to learn about ponies!

Trixie stared.

“Kidding!” Ditzy Doo said with a laugh as she used her head as a plow to begin shoving all the fallen letters away from the post office’s door. “I talk to her parents when I’m on my route sometimes.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) They’ve told me so many embarrassing stories about Lyra’s childhood. Wouldn’t you like to hear some of them?

“Oh,” the blue unicorn said, chuckling slightly in relief.

Ditzy: She didn’t want Ditzy to know about her erotic penpal.

“Well, yes. I’m new. I’ve been appointed as the new representative – ”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) New representative of the Ponyville Birding Society! You’re early! Fluttershy told me about some piping plovers earlier today! If we hurry we might just catch them!

“ – of Luna’s Night Court and official festival overseer,” Ditzy Doo interrupted,

Doctor: (Ditzy) I hope you last longer than the last one. He only last a year and half before he fell into crippling alcoholism and had to be booted out!

pausing a moment with her tongue clenched in her teeth in concentration as her eyes wandered – independently – over the pile of mail before her, before diving once more into it and coming out with a trio of envelopes in her mouth, one midnight blue, one white, and one plain brown. She trotted over to the surprised-looking Trixie. “Feef ah fah yoo,” the mail mare said, as best she could with a mouthful of mail.

Doctor: (Trixie) This is just junk mail! I don’t care that I may already be a winner!

Trixie paused a moment before grasping the envelopes with her magic and looking them over. The midnight blue envelope was from Princess Luna, and bore the royal seal proudly on its back. The brown envelope also bore the royal seal and claimed to be from Luna,

Doctor: The fact it was addressed Prinsess Louna gave it away.

but given the color of the envelope it was more likely that it was from somepony who had been delegated the task of sending it in Luna’s name.

Ditzy: Or they ran out of blue envelopes.

The final envelope bore no seal at all, instead simply being addressed to her in elegant, flowing script – most likely a unicorn’s writing, as earth ponies and pegasi, lacking telekinetic magic, rarely had the mouth-and-tongue dexterity necessarily to write Equestrian with such elegance.

Ditzy: That is racist bull!

Doctor: Obviously someone that writes with their mouth all their life would write in scribbles at best.

“How did you…?” Trixie began, looking back to Ditzy Doo.

Ditzy: When you’re good you’re good.

The pegasus shrugged, pointing at the two from Canterlot. “Those two arrived just a few hours ago,” her hoof moved to the white envelope, “and that one’s been sitting here for weeks waiting for you. It’s from the last representative.”

Ditzy: (Trixie)(Reading) “I hear it's amazing when the Purple-stuffed worm in Flap-jaw space, with the tuning fork, does a raw-blink on Hari-kiri Rock! I need scissors! 61!”?!

Doctor: (Ditzy) He was under a lot of stress.

how did you find these in all of that, and by the way how did you know unless you really do read ponies’ mail,

Doctor: Trixie assumed that postpony witchcraft is involved.

but decided to let that slide.

Ditzy: If she picked apart every little thing we would be here all day.

Instead, she turned her attention back to an earlier point of interest while tucking the envelopes away into her cape for now. “You can remember all of that,” she accused, “but you forgot that you could fly?”

Ditzy: Look, sometimes you don’t feel like flying alright. Why are we still talking about this?

“Yes,” Ditzy Doo responded evenly.

Ditzy: And in a way that leaves no room of discussion.

Her tone changed just slightly, however, to be noticeably defensive, as her eyes managed to come into focus on Trixie once more.

Doctor: Trixie couldn’t decide if this made her cute or super cute.

Trixie stared, gaze switching from one of Ditzy Doo’s no-longer-wandering-eyes to the other. She put two and two together pretty quickly:

Doctor: (Trixie) It’s five! I’ve been trying to solve that equation for years!

wandering eyes would make even walking around a chore, never mind attempting to move in three dimensions, even just to get muffins on top of a shelf. After a few moments, Trixie nodded. “Okay,” she said.

Ditzy: (Sighs) No, I can get around just fine. But my poor depth perception causes problems sometimes.

Doctor: Just don’t ask her to pitch for you.

Ditzy Doo’s smile returned at that, this time looking grateful. “Okay,” she echoed. “Just give me a few minutes to clean this place up and

Ditzy: (Ditzy) And pick up my dry cleaning, get materials for dinner tonight, buy a birthday gift for Berry Punch, drop them all off at home, water the garden, and check up on grandma at the nursing home.

then we’ll go to Fluttershy’s.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Why didn’t the Princess hire you? You actually know what you are doing!

“I think it’s going to take more than a few minutes,” Trixie observed – although even as she did, she found herself stepping forward a few paces, horn glowing and lifting up a large pile of letters and separating them out for Ditzy Doo to look over.

Ditzy: Huh, that’s nice of her.

“Maybe a little,” the gray-coated pegasus conceded, as she used a hoof to slide her tray of muffins along the floor and over to in front of Trixie. “Muffin?”

“Not unless you’ve got one with peanut butter, hay, and – ”

Doctor: Horseradish sauce?

Ditzy: Blue cheese?

“Pumpernickel seeds?” Ditzy Doo asked, pointing to one with a hoof absent-mindedly as she collected the levitated letters and began sorting them. Trixie nearly dropped them all on the pegasus as she stared at a muffin that she had thought any other pony would consider absolutely inedible.

Doctor: Trixie’s heart started beating faster.

She’d had to practically threaten the chef’s family back in Canterlot to get him to make them for her,

Ditzy: (Trixie) It would be shame if something happened to your family if you don’t make me crackers topped with whip cream and raw eggs!

Doctor: Okay, we get it. No one in Trixie’s previous life liked her. I think you have beaten that point into the ground.

and yet…here one was, sitting next to an otherwise normal blueberry muffin.

Doctor: Ditzy had thousands of different types of muffins for just such an occasion!

Trixie decided that she and Ditzy Doo were going to be best friends. At least until she found out where Ditzy got her muffins from.

Doctor: Trixie was determined to find out who her dealer was.

Lyra could not, for the life of her, understand why she was so nervous as she sat outside of the candy store, staring at its door as though it was holding her family hostage.

Doctor: (Lyra) Door, I’m on to you!

This is stupid, the unicorn thought. I should just go in there. Right now! Get in gear! Pony up! Move, you silly filly!

Ditzy: Go Lyra! Don’t let the door win!

Lyra stood still.

Doctor: The day Lyra stood still.

It’s not like I haven’t seen her. I saw her plenty over the last three years.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Usually at a distance with binoculars.

Yeah, it was just for a few hours whenever she came to visit Canterlot or I went to visit her on the weekends…but come on, I saw her last – no, wait, that was finals week. Okay, but I saw her…no, I had an audition. Didn’t get it. Then there was…no…but…no, not then either…Holy hay, how long has it been since I’ve seen her?

Doctor: (Lyra) It’s been twenty years at least!

Lyra’s eyes widened as she realized.Oh…it’s been, like, a semester. A semester and a half. Eight months easy. I guess I got so busy that…aw, she probably hates me…

Ditzy: (Lyra) Time to go mope about it on Ponybook!

The mint-green unicorn turned and walked away, dejected.

The mint-green unicorn turned and walked back, determined.

All: (Singing) You’re the best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down!

You’re the Best!

BonBon could never hate me. She’s the one who said I should take advantage of that scholarship!

Doctor: (Lyra) My Wacky Hut scholarship!

I wasn’t going to, but she convinced me!

Ditzy: (Lyra) I was fine with scrubbing toilets for the rest of my life!

And…well, and then I haven’t seen her for eight months.

But there were still letters! We wrote each other all the time. So there. We’d write about…

…oh, Luna, I don’t know.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Our letters have been about nothing but the weather!

I can’t remember what was on BonBon’s last letter to me! What was on mine to her? Stars above, what if it was something major? Lyra hit herself in the head a few times. Think, Lyra, think! This is important! This is –

Doctor: (Lyra) I remember now! She wanted me to give her money for her aunt that I never met that’s losing her home and needed 100 bits to get by.

Lyra felt hooves on her back, shoving her forward. She stumbled and ended up with her face planted firmly against the candy shop’s door.

“Ow…”

“Oops,” a magenta voice said. Lyra wasn’t certain how voices could be magenta, but this one was.

Ditzy: I think you have been hit in the head harder than you thought.

“I thought it opened inwards…” the unicorn felt herself being picked up and brushed off, and realized she was staring at Cheerilee.

Doctor: (Lyra) When did you grow three heads?

“Wha…?” Lyra asked blearily as she struggled to clear her head. “When did you – gah!”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) Get out of my way! They are having a clearance sale at Canterlot and Company!

The exclamation came as Cheerilee opened the door and shoved Lyra inside of BonBon’s Confectionarium.

Ditzy: Right into a table, ouch!

By the time she got her hooves under her, she was aware of a half-dozen sets of eyes on her.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Uh, hi! (Thanks a lot Cheerilee!)

Two pairs belonged to a pair of fillies, an orange pegasus and a white unicorn who were standing by the rock candies; one of a brown-coated stallion with an hourglass cutie mark who had been on his way out with a bag of jelly babies;

Doctor: Cute.

a blue unicorn stallion with a long horn and a safety pin cutie mark;

Ditzy: Yes yes, we know. He’s heard that joke a million times.

Doctor: No mention of what candy he is getting?

a fifth set were claimed by an earth pony with a dark blue coat and blue eyes and a star cutie mark…

Doctor: Again no mention of candy he’s getting.

Ditzy: How could you?! We have to know! You can’t leave loose ends like this!

…and the final, dark teal set belonged to BonBon, a cream-colored earth pony with a mane and tail striped in navy and bright pink, and who was the most beautiful creature that Lyra had ever laid eyes upon. She was standing behind the counter, mouth hanging open.

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) Who are you!? Get out of my shop! You’re disrupting my customers!

“Uh – ” Lyra began, before being thrown a third time; in this instance, it was as a cream-navy-and-pink blur moved with speed that would have impressed the Wonderbolts from behind the counter, past the customers, and straight into Lyra, throwing her to the ground and knocking her Gatsby cap off, with the blur landing on top of her and revealing itself to be – unsurprisingly – BonBon.

Ditzy: Dang it! I thought it was going to be Pokey Pierce!

Lyra was frozen for a moment, before her body moved of its own accord, wrapping BonBon in as tight an embrace as the earth pony was currently giving her, burying her muzzle in BonBon’s mane and breathing in deeply.

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) That’s...really creepy!

She smelled of sugar. She always smelled of sugar – she was a candy maker, after all.

Ditzy: Lyra started licking Bob-Bon.

The smell was subtle, not overpowering, a faint background scent that brought with it thousands of memories of the two growing up together in Ponyville, best friends as fillies, something so much more than that as they grew older. It was the sweetest smell in Equestria.

Ditzy: It also didn’t hide how sweaty she was and really needs a bath!

“Hi,” Lyra finally managed to say as she opened her eyes, and found herself staring into BonBon’s. “I’m back.”

Doctor: (Lyra) And could you get off me please. Your knee is in my kidney.

“I noticed,” BonBon responded, before leaning up and pressing her lips firmly to Lyra’s own.

Doctor: Er, what?

Ditzy: That was quick.

The unicorn’s heart stopped beating for a few moments before plunging into overdrive, and she sank into BonBon’s kiss.

Doctor: She unfortunately went into cardiac arrest and died.

She was vaguely aware of the dark blue mare and brown stallion ushering the fillies and other customers out of the shop,

Doctor: (Pony) We need to get the foals out of here. They might catch the gay!

knowing smiles on their faces and switching the sign on the shop’s front window from ‘open’ to ‘closed.’

Ditzy: I doubt Bon-Bon appreciates losing so many customers.

Doctor: Can’t you save this until after you close?

Like all things, the kiss had to end eventually. In Lyra’s case, it ended with BonBon pulling away, offering a smile, and then hitting the unicorn rather firmly on top of the head.

Doctor: Is this turning into a Three Stooges Act?

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) Numbskull! You didn’t give me enough tongue!

“Ow! What was that for?” Lyra demanded, rubbing the spot where BonBon had hit her.

“Because,” BonBon explained as she put her hooves on Lyra’s barrel and forced her firmly to the floor,

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) I love slapstick!

leaning down and touching muzzles, “you haven’t written me in more than six weeks!”

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) 47 days, 2 hours, 13 minutes, 53 seconds, and 547 milliseconds to be exact!

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) It’s been so long I barely remember your face!

“Oh,” Lyra said, and looked away. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time, these last few weeks have been – ”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Playing Bloodborne!

“You’re not sorry,” BonBon accused, before a grin split her features and she gave Lyra a peck on the nose. “Not yet, anyway.”

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) You are going to scrub this place spotless!!

With that, she got off of the unicorn and began trotting towards the stairs that would take her to her apartment on the second story of the candy store. She paused only to glance at Lyra, eyes half-lidded, and nodded her head upstairs.

Doctor: (Lyra) Oh, you want to watch a movie? Do you have Frozen? That’s my favorite!

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) Actually I was thinking about doing something moreintense.

Doctor: (Lyra) You want to play Street Fighter? I’m a master at playing M. Bison!

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) No! I mean something more intimate?

Doctor: (Lyra) Oh! You want to play Ponycraft!? Great idea! Want to make a castle?

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) No! Er, just...just come upstairs and I’ll show you.

Lyra blinked a few times before offering a full-toothed smile of her own, getting up quickly and prancing after the love of her life.

Doctor: I guess they’re a couple now.

Ditzy: Already? But this the first chapter has shown up in! This is a little quick.

Doctor: I guess the author didn’t want to waste our time with little things like build up, conflict, or character development.

Ditzy: You can’t just have them be a couple already! We barely know them! And really? Bon-Bon just forgives her just like that? Come on! There is some dramatic potential there!

Doctor: And waste of time.

Fluttershy’s cottage was about as far away from Ponyville as Sweet Apple Acres, but in a different direction, a route across the unclaimed, snow-covered fields that almost seemed to serve as a kind of buffer between Ponyville and the dangerous Everfree Forest.

Ditzy: Monsters hate snow.

As Trixie followed Ditzy Doo, the blue unicorn noted that the skies over the forest were noticeably darker than over the rest of Ponyville. In the far distance, she could even see large thunderhead clouds forming.

Doctor: (Trixie) Hey! That one looks like a bunny!

“Yikes,” Ditzy Doo said as she noticed the storm clouds herself, though she had to bend her head at an odd angle to get one eye to focus on them. “The weather ponies are going to have their hooves full…”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I would hate to be in the hooves of the Representative of the Night Court right now. The Longest Night Celebration is probably ruined! Their future prospects are most likely in complete irrecoverable tatters now.

“So I hear…” Trixie intoned. She realized after a moment that she was staring, once more, at Ditzy Doo’s eyes –

Doctor: Those beautiful sexy eyes.

and that the pegasus was staring back. Caught in the act, Trixie felt her face heating up in embarrassment as she quickly looked away. “I’m sorry – ” she began.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Those eyes, the way you move that flank, I just can’t keep my eyes off of them!

“Just go on and say it,” the mare interrupted, her tone insistent and surprisingly patient, rather than bitter.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why are you not angry and bitter at the world with a desire for revenge on all that wronged you!?

“Your eyes are crooked and I don’t know which one to be looking at when talking to you which is really awkward because you seem nice and there is definitely nothing wrong with you

Ditzy: Aw, thanks! I’m tired of ponies assuming I’m stupid or worse when they look at me.

but it’s just awkward for me but it has to be worse for you but I don’t mean mean anything by that I’m sure you’re a perfectly normal member of Equestrian society

Doctor: (Trixie) I’m sure you’re not a dirty stinking commie in disguise or some such.

I mean you do have a government job

Ditzy: So she’s into government workers?

and all plus you gave me that muffin and…” Trixie trailed off there, catching her breath and looking more away, focusing very intently on the dirt path beneath her hooves.

Doctor: (Trixie) This is so embrassi- Hey a bit!

Ditzy Doo blinked a few times at the rapid pace of Trixie’s exclamation.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Something about the government wanting muffins?

“Feel better?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Do you want a hug?

Trixie didn’t want to answer. She used her magic to turn up the collar on her cape, hiding her face from Ditzy Doo’s. Frankly, she was surprised at her own actions.

Doctor: She should be berating the pegasus every moment.

Back in Canterlot she would have had no problem keeping her thoughts on Ditzy Doo’s wandering eyes in check.

Doctor: Trixie had no idea why she was she was blushing all time and couldn’t stop thinking about this particular mare.

She chalked it up to the day not going so well – the conflict at the Apple’s, the oncoming storm from the Everfree, being assaulted by Rarity,

Ditzy: It’s.just.a.dress.

Doctor: Even Rainbow Dash doesn’t act that way about dresses.

being scared witless by Pinkie Pie and threatened to be put in a perpetual party loop,

Doctor: You act like you couldn’t just ask her to stop.

and with a very distinct feeling that somewhere in Canterlot right now was a certain midnight blue alicorn princess with a knowing grin on her face as she watched Trixie suffer using a crystal ball or mirror or pool of water or telescope or something.

Doctor: I’m sure that’s totally it.

Ditzy: (Luna) This is so much fun! We can already see her sanity cracking!

For her part, Ditzy Doo let Trixie stew, which was exactly what the unicorn wanted to do.

Doctor: It’s probably best to leave Trixie in her deep personal shame.

She only broke her out of it about half an hour later, tapping Trixie on the shoulder to indicate that they had arrived at a thatch-roofed, picturesque cottage near the Everfree forest, surrounded by small, hoof-crafted animal homes and even a chicken coup.

Ditzy: Trixie shuttered. She remembered being attacked by a ninja chicken the last time she was in one.

“Fluttershy’s,” Ditzy Doo said, as the two trotted up to the front door. “We’ll have to go easy on her,” the pegasus explained in a soft voice.

Doctor: (Ditzy) I’ve brought puppies with me to win her over.

“Let me do the talking. And if she hides under something, just let her stay there until she wants to come out on her own.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) It might take hours, but we’ll get her out of there eventually.

Trixie blinked. “If she hides under something?” she echoed.

Ditzy: Metal Gear!?

Ditzy Doo nodded as they reached the door. Taking in a deep breath, the pegasus knocked softly on it three times. From inside, Trixie heard a high-pitched, panicked eep, then the sound of several things being knocked over and hooves pounding on wood, retreating from the door.

Doctor: (Trixie) Gee, what would have happened if you announced our presence?

To her surprise, she also heard another voice, this one somewhat scratchy.

Ditzy: Snips?

“Aw, no! Fluttershy, it’s probably just – agh,” the voice said with surprising intensity, at least compared to the volume that Trixie had been expecting. The sound of angry hoof-stomps began approaching the door.

Doctor: (Voice) Why do you order some many things from the home shopping network if you are going to act like this every.single.time?

“Oh,” Ditzy Doo said. “I guess that Fluttershy has – ”

The door flew open, and Trixie found herself staring at a cyan-coated pegasus with the most vibrant mane she had ever seen on a pony – it was literally all the colors of the rainbow,

Doctor: Ahem, except indigo.

the ‘hot’ ones on the top of her head and the ‘cooler’ ones running down her neck. Her tail was similarly polychromatic, and on either flank was a cutie mark of a white, fluffy cloud with a rainbow-hued lightning bolt arcing from it.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Eyes up here! I’m trying to talk to you!

“Okay, what gives?” the pegasus pony demanded.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Didn’t you see the keep out sign?

Ditzy Doo pointed at Trixie. “Rainbow Dash, this is Trixie.” She turned to Trixie. “Trixie, this is Rainbow Dash.”

All: Hi Rainbow Dash!

Episode 21 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 4

“Rainbow Dash?” Trixie asked, looking the pegasus mare over.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I should tread carefully. This mare could pound me into pulp in seconds!

Rainbow Dash’s own eyes copied the movements as she took in Trixie’s appearance.

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Snorts) Nice outfit.

“Yeah,” the pegasus answered. “Who are you supposed to be?” she looked between Trixie and Ditzy Doo.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I didn’t know the circus was in town.

“Oh, and which one of you scared Fluttershy?”

Ditzy: Rudely lightly knocking on the door.

Ditzy Doo waved her hoof a little. “Didn’t mean to,” the gray-coated pegasus apologized. “Is she okay?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The usual. Hiding under the sofa quavering. Nice going.

Rainbow Dash stepped to one side, pointing into Fluttershy’s home. It was decorated beautifully, adorned with all sorts of odds and ends that gave it a very homely, cozy appearance. However, a table and everything that had been on it were knocked over, along with a vase of flowers sitting near the stairs to the cottage’s second floor. “Does it look like she’s okay?” Rainbow Dash demanded. “Way to go, Derpy.”

Ditzy: (Facehoof) Oh come on! You were so close fic!

Doctor: One day. One day.

Ditzy Doo grimaced slightly at Rainbow Dash’s accusation and name-calling. Trixie felt a surprising amount of furor rising in her chest over that.

Doctor: She might be perfectly fine with Carrot Top losing her business by a powerhouse monopoly, but calling Ditzy Derpy? That’s going too far!

“Hey!” she exclaimed, stepping forward and placing her face right up to the pegasus’ own. “Leave Ditzy Doo alone!”

Ditzy: I’m not surprised Trixie is defending me. I seem to be the only pony in the world that has shown her any kindness in her entire life.

The cyan pegasus’ eyes widened a little at Trixie’s words, as though they had jogged a memory for her.

Doctor: Then grabbed her legs and started rocking back in forth.

After several moments of staring, she shook her head, clearing it. “Who are you?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I am Trixie Lulamoon! Defender of the weak and those that don’t like to be called by rude nicknames!

“Trixie,” the unicorn introduced herself.

Ditzy: With fireworks shooting around her naturally.

“Representative Trixie of the Night Court of Luna. I’m also here as the Longest Night festival overseer, so I need to speak with Fluttershy about the music she volunteered to handle.”

Doctor: (Trixie) What’s this about her wanting to play polka music?

Rainbow Dash bristled a little at that, in a mixture of defensiveness and embarrassment.

Doctor: With a bit of terror. She’s heard of the things the Night Court does to its enemies.

“She’s doing just fine,” the pony proclaimed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) She’s only hiding in a cupboard this time. Normally we have to spend hours looking for her.

“Alright, but I need to talk to her.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash repeated firmly. “Not now. Come back later.”

Doctor: Someone lightly knocked at her door! Obviously she’s too shaken up to talk to anyone!

The pegasus made to close the door, but Trixie blinked, and each of its hinges were wrapped in a blue magical aura, holding the door firmly open.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I need to use the little filly’s room.

“Why?” Trixie demanded.

Rainbow Dash stared. “What?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) This isn’t how it’s suppose to go! I say ‘No’ and you go away never to return!

“Why should I come back later?” Trixie clarified. “I’m here now,

Doctor: (Trixie) And I didn’t walk two miles here for nothing!

Fluttershy is here now, provided she hasn’t run out a back door or something – ”

“Hey! Lay off of Fluttershy! You don’t even know her!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Born in Cloudsdale in 1983, moved to Ponyville at the age of 17, hired by the Ponyville Wildlife Protection Agency to take care of Ponyville’s animal population, likes the color green, favorite food is boiled cabbage and potatoes, dislikes turnips because they give her gas, enjoys birdwatching and miniature golf, hates dentists but who doesn’t, enjoys watching cooking shows, and enjoys dancing when nopony is around. The Princess believes in thorough files on her subjects.

“True enough,” Trixie admitted, as she grinned. “But I do know that of the four ponies at this house, you’re the only one who isn’t supposed to be here.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh crap! You’re right! I have a dentist appointment today!

She jabbed a hoof back at Ponyville. “You’re the weather patrol manager, right? Your team is wondering where you’ve gone. They’re practically threatening to quit.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m still on break! See! I still have ten minutes until I have to get to work!

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s just a watch drawn on by a permanent marker!

Rainbow Dash grunted, pointing up to the sky. “If those lazy bums can’t even handle a few cirrus clouds, then they shouldn’t be calling themselves pegasi.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Someday they should have a test that roots of the weaker foals and, I don’t know, grinds them into rainbows or something.

“Not those,” Trixie continued, pointing past Fluttershy’s house and into the darkening skies over the Everfree. “That. There’s a huge storm brewing over the Everfree and Raindrops said that – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) It would destroy all of Equestria! Well, probably not, but it still looks pretty serious!

“Raindrops?” Rainbow Dash asked, then threw her head back and laughed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Sorry, I just got a joke Raindrops told yesterday. It was about a priest, a weather pony, and a chicken.

“Raindrops worries about every little stray cumulus ‘cause of how slow a flier she is.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What kinda pegasi can’t even break the sound barrier.

And nopony should be worrying about that Everfree storm, it’s nothin’ I can’t handle.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Those other ponies would just cramp my style and get in the way.

Trixie blinked. “By yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, as though the answer should have been obvious.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ha! I could handle a hurricane by myself. Blindfolded. While one fire! And playing a rocking guitar solo!

“I’d love to see you try and back that up.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I can do it in ten seco-

Ditzy: (Trixie) No! This fic doesn’t need stupid memes!

The pegasus opened her mouth as though to claim that she would, and right now at that, but stopped halfway and grimaced.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Ok, you got me. I can’t alright!

“Look, I’m weather manager and I know what I’m doing.

Doctor: Frightening words from any manager.

If that storm becomes a problem, I’ll deal with it. But right now I can’t leave Fluttershy hangin’,

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I’m here too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Shut up Derpy! Nopony cares about you!

so if you’ll just go away and take Derpy here with you – ”

Ditzy: Wait a second...Rainbow Dash turned down a chance to show off! It’s a changeling spy!

Trixie’s eyes narrowed, and her horn glowed dangerously. “Don’t say that again,” she threatened.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Don’t talk about my wai-friend that way!

Rainbow Dash grinned at how Trixie seemed to be taking the name worse than the pony it was directed at.

Doctor: That...is a little strange.

Ditzy: And I actually tolerate this?

She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Ditzy Doo interposed herself between the weather manager and the Night Court representative, taking turns to glare at each of them, eyes focused and wings spread wide.

Ditzy: Whoa, things just got real!

Doctor: The effect was ruined when she accidently smacked Trixie in the face with one of her wings.

“Stop,” she said, her voice firm, like a mother scolding children who were misbehaving themselves. “Now.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I will send you to bed without dinner or a story!

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Whiny) But!

Ditzy: (Ditzy) No buts young lady!

Trixie glared past Ditzy Doo, at Rainbow Dash, who matched her stare unflinchingly. Neither of them, however, made any move to continue their argument. After a few moments, the gray pegasus turned to Rainbow Dash. “I’ve known Fluttershy since she moved here,” she said. “Nearly as long as you. So I’m going to go see my friend.”

Ditzy: Why are we even fighting? We’re both trying to help Fluttershy! We should be working together!

Doctor: I know Ms. Dash can be a jerk, but this is ridiculous.

Ditzy: Yay for pointless antagonism.

Rainbow Dash shook her head, appearing to have genuine concern for the pony who was even now cowering upstairs somewhere.

Doctor: Actually she was about to storm downstairs to yell at everyone to shut up. She was trying to watch TV.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I’m trying to watch the Young and the Restless! I have to know if Shining Lotus is pregnant with her uncle’s twin brother’s clone’s foal!

“No, not right now. She’s really nervous and – ”

Ditzy: (Fluttershy)(Gasps) Oh my gosh a clown! Do you think you could, um, throw a pie in your face? That’s my favorite.

“Rainbow Dash, get out of my way.”

The other pegasus didn’t move for several moments, but the unflinching, unblinking stare of Ditzy Doo eventually wore her down.

Doctor: Not surprising. She could probably do it for hours.

She backed away from the door, making enough room for the gray pegasus to step into the cottage. Once inside, she folded her wings back against her sides and turned around to look at Trixie. “What did you want to ask Fluttershy?” She asked.

Doctor: (Trixie) Tell her if she screws up her part I personally will do everything in my power to ruin her life. I’m not going to let anything else go wrong!

“Just how the music preparations were coming along,” Trixie answered, making a point of not looking at Rainbow Dash, even peripherally. “Although now I’m kind of curious about how she could be friends with a stuck-up – ”

Ditzy: That’s the pot calling the kettle black.

“No,” Ditzy Doo ordered with surprising firmness, jabbing a hoof at Trixie,

Ditzy: (Trixie)(Pitiful) Ow, that hurt!

suddenly enough to make the unicorn stumble backwards a few steps.

Doctor: (Ditzy) That’s it! You are going to the corner and think about what you did!

After a few moments, she turned around and trotted away, heading upstairs, although she spared a final glance at the two other ponies. She didn’t speak, but the glare’s meaning was obvious: play nice or I will ground you for a month.

Doctor: Believe me. That isn’t the type of punishment you want to go through.

Trixie wasn’t certain why such a look had an effect on her, but it did.

Ditzy: I think it is called having a survival instinct.

Silence lingered between the pegasus and the unicorn that Ditzy Doo left behind for some time. Eventually, however, Rainbow Dash glanced to Trixie, looking her over again. “Nice hat,” she intoned, smirking.

Doctor: And they couldn’t even last a few sentences without sniping at each other.

“Nice dye job,” Trixie countered without hesitation.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Nice, um, hair did you get in a stupid shop?!

The pegasus’ grin widened as she ran a hoof through her mane. “It’s not dyed,” she proclaimed proudly. “I’m all-natural.”

Trixie seethed,

Doctor: (Trixie) Why can’t I have gorgeous locks like that!?

but didn’t rise to the bait as she chose to focus on the ground under her hooves

Doctor: (Trixie) Ugh! I just stepped in gum!

and not the grin of triumph she knew was on Rainbow Dash’s face. Instead, she ran through her mental list of Things She Hated About Today.

Ditzy: At the end of this story it’s going to be about 100 pages long.

Previously, the Apple clan had been topping that list, but Rainbow Dash had managed to shoot past all competition and settle into an easy first place. Yay.

Doctor: (Sighs) The author really wants us to dislike the original bearers.

Ditzy: What next? Eating kittens? Burning down orphanages?

After an eternity of silence,

Doctor: (Rainbow) That’s it! I can’t take it anymore!

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s only been thirty seconds!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Yeah I know! What’s taking her?

the sound of hoof-steps from the floor above them signaled Ditzy Doo’s return. The gray pegasus trotted down the cottage’s stairs and up to Trixie, a sad look on her face, eyes once again having wandered apart.

Ditzy: Look author. We don’t need to know every which way my eyes move. It isn’t important!

“Fluttershy isn’t going to be able to do the music this year,” she said sadly.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) There’s been a bad case of flu going around and many of the birds are too sick to perform.

“Rainbow Dash here talked her into volunteering but now she’s too frightened of being in front of so many ponies.

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s all? Just tell her to imagine everypony naked. That’s what I do.

Rainbow has been trying to convince her not to be worried, but Fluttershy’s mind seems made up.”

Ditzy: Well...shoot.

Doctor: (Trixie) Did you yell in her face and shake her violently? I find that usually works best.

Rainbow Dash grumbled under her breath as she sat back on her haunches, crossing her front hooves in front of her. “I bet I would’ve been able to if you hadn’t frightened her.”

Ditzy: So how was she suppose to approach Fluttershy exactly without scaring her?

“She seemed pretty determined,” Ditzy Doo said, then considered her words. “Relatively, anyway.”

Ditzy: She gritted her teeth and everything!

Trixie was wide-eyed, mouth hanging open slightly and blinking only slowly as she took in what Ditzy Doo had said.

Doctor: Get a chair and make some tea. This might take some time.

“What?” she asked. “No. No, it’s only two days to the festival. She said she’d handle the music, volunteered, filled out the paperwork – ”

Ditzy: Submitted a demo tape, made a contract with a major music publisher, and set up a guest appearance on a late night talk show.

Doctor: Fluttershy’s music career ended shortly after when it was discovered that the birds in her group were only beak singing.

“…actually, that was mostly me,” Rainbow Dash admitted sheepishly. Trixie’s eyes somehow managed to open even wider as she turned her gaze slowly onto the cyan pegasus,

Ditzy: Causing them to pop out.

who’s expression had changed to one of embarrassment. “I mean, you should hear her sing, and she’s really good with animals and I’ve even seen her arrange a bird chorus, and I suggested that she should volunteer and get her birds to help, and she said she’d love to, and I thought it was maybe a chance to get her to open up…but then she got cold hooves a few days ago.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) All I did was remind her that thousands of ponies are going to be watching her quietly judging and hating her if she screwed up!

Trixie’s mouth opened and shut of its own accord a few times before words managed to come out. “I’m going upstairs,” she said, taking a step forward.

Doctor: (Trixie) I have an inspirational speech for just such an occasion.

Instantly, her path was blocked by a pair of pegasi, wings spread defensively.

“No,” Ditzy Doo said.

“I don’t think so,” Rainbow Dash added.

Doctor: (Trixie) Pretty please with sugar on top?

Trixie looked between the two. “But…but…it’s the Longest Night!” Trixie exclaimed.

Doctor: (Rainbow) So what? Most of the time they are nothing but a disappointment. Most ponies barely care about it.

“The halfway point of winter!

Doctor: I highly doubt most ponies care about that one.

And we don’t have music arranged for when the Princess raises the moon,

Doctor: (Rainbow) Why don’t we just use a local radio station?

Ditzy: (Trixie) You want the Princess to raise the moon to “All About That Bass”?!

and the catering is gonna be awful, and there’s that storm coming – ”

“Are you still on about that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Doctor: Really.

Ditzy: Apples aren’t that bad!

“– and I’m gonna get blamed for this!” Trixie exclaimed, stepping forward again,

All: Boohoo.

but only to get close to the two pegasi as she looked between the two. “This was my big chance to show Luna that I can handle responsibility and everything is heading straight into the sun!”

Doctor: To the sun, Alice!

“Well, deal,” Rainbow Dash said.

Doctor: Yes, stop whining and actually do your job!

Ditzy: See, this is why Princess Luna doesn’t take you seriously.

Ditzy Doo rolled her eyes at Rainbow Dash’s advice,

Doctor: She should whine about her problems instead of trying to solving them?

before turning back to Trixie. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really am. But Fluttershy is just too delicate.

Ditzy: For the love of...Fluttershy made a dragon cry! Don’t underestimate her!

Even if you convinced her somehow, she’d probably freeze on stage on the Longest Night anyway.”

Ditzy: Simple, put her behind a screen so nopony sees her.

Rainbow Dash shot Ditzy Doo a glare at that, but the gray pegasus only shrugged,

Ditzy: Thanks for the defeatist attitude.

and after a moment Rainbow Dash sighed and nodded in confirmation.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Hey! I’ve got it! Why don’t I do it? Making those birds sing can’t be that hard!

Trixie’s head snapped between the two a few more times, before she let out a low groan of frustration. “Fine,” she spat, turning around and stomping out the door, making a point of letting the anger she felt rise visibly to the surface,

Doctor: Steam started coming out of her ears.

projecting the perfect image of a pony that nopony would want to be within a hundred feet of if they could help it.

Ditzy: Of course she throws a temper tantrum.

Doctor: And she wants to have a position of power?

As expected, Ditzy Doo didn’t follow her; indeed, the two pegasi soon closed the door to Fluttershy’s cottage. Once it was shut, Trixie stopped her angry pace, eyes narrow as her horn glowed beneath her hat,

Doctor: (Trixie) How unfortunate that a candle fell and the whole cottage and everypony in it burned to the ground.

casting a spell that was almost as familiar to her as basic unicorn telekinesis.

Doctor: Magic missile!

Ditzy: Dragon Slave!

Her color and form seemed to simply bleed out of reality, becoming nothing more than an odd smudge on the air, and soon afterwards not even that as her invisibility spell wrapped itself firmly around her body, hat, and cape.

Ditzy: Um, why is her most familiar spell an invisibility spell?

Doctor: The blackmail won’t get itself.

A second, similarly familiar spell encircled each of her hooves; she pranced in place on the dirt path beneath her a few times to confirm that her silencing spell had taken effect, before making a beeline straight for Fluttershy’s cottage.

Doctor: Except this spell doesn’t hide your scent. And there are a few visible cues if you are observant.

Ditzy: I doubt Harry the Bear would like somepony sneaking around Fluttershy’s house.

The closed door presented little deterrent, as it hadn’t been locked by either pegasus, and Trixie opened, passed through, and closed it before anypony inside the house could notice.

Doctor: Angel and half of the other animals in the house, however, did.

She saw Rainbow Dash in Fluttershy’s kitchen, brewing up tea –

Ditzy: A clear sign that this is an alternate universe and a rather bizarre one at that.

and helping herself to a rather ample cookie supply – while Ditzy Doo wasn’t in sight, probably having gone up to the second floor.

Ditzy: Trixie hummed her own theme music as she snuck through the house.

Trixie grimaced as she began to climb the stairs, slowly and carefully despite the sound-dampening spell that extended in a six inch radius around each hoof.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Hey! Whatcha doing!

Doctor: (Trixie) Ah! Ow ow ow ow ow! (Groans)

In just a few moments, she was upstairs, and making her way down a hall and into a room with its door wide open, in which soft voices could be heard conversing.

“…okay, Fluttershy,” Ditzy Doo said, as Trixie entered the room. Fluttershy’s bedroom was decorated much like the rest of her house; dominated by a bed with a green, thick comforter. laying on top of the bed was a yellow pegasus with a pink, thick, long mane, staring intently at her own front hooves and seemingly like she was trying to hide her face in it. Her cutie mark was a trio of pink butterflies. Sitting opposite her on the bed was Ditzy Doo, both eyes focused forward.

Ditzy: So you know she’s super serial serious!

“O-okay…?” Fluttershy stuttered. Her voice was amazingly soft; Trixie had to lean in to hear it.

Doctor: (Trixie) Excuse me, could you speak up? ...Oh crap!

“Yeah,” Ditzy said, leaning forward cautiously and gently nuzzling the yellow pegasus. She flinched initially, but after a moment leaned in to the friendly sign of affection.

Ditzy: Celestia. What happened to her in this universe.

“It was really brave of you even to volunteer.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) I particularly liked that part where you smashed a pumpkin!

“Oh, I don’t know…” Fluttershy intoned. “It was Rainbow Dash’s idea, I never would have been brave enough to even try without her, and I only did it because I never thought I’d ever actually get the position…”

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Well, considering Snip and Snails’ rap group was my competition, maybe I should have seen this coming.

“Well, you did,” Ditzy Doo said as she pulled away. “It was a big step forward.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) You didn’t actually do anything,several ponies, including myself, are really disappointed in you, and Trixie probably hates you for the rest of her life, but it was a nice step forward.

Fluttershy looked up at Ditzy Doo, and Trixie took a step back. Her eyes…

Ditzy: She had the sharingan!

Fluttershy’s large, teal eyes were stained red from tears. “I-it doesn’t feel like one…” she said. “Oh, and that Trixie sounded so mad…

Doctor: (Ditzy) Don’t feel so bad. That pony has a deep rooted hatred of everypony and everything.

I’ve made such a mess of things, I never should have let Rainbow Dash talk me into even trying, but she seemed so sure that I could do it that I didn’t want to let her down, but now I have…”

Ditzy: Nope, not buying it.

Doctor: What do you mean?

Ditzy: In this universe every member of the old bearers seem to be missing what them wield an Element of Harmony in our universe right?

Doctor: So it appears.

Ditzy: And what is the opposite of kindness? A serial killer!

Doctor: I think you are reaching a bit there.

Ditzy: It’s always the quiet ones right? Trust me Doctor, if you look in her basement you will find dead bodies or adult ponies in diapers or some other really messed up thing!

Trixie did not, by any stretch of the imagination, consider herself an affectionate pony.

Doctor: She gave fake money to beggars for fun.

It nevertheless took every ounce of willpower she had to not leap atop the bed and give Fluttershy a warm, tight hug.

Ditzy: Oh come on. That would be hilarious.

She looked like she needed one; then again, if she had flinched from even a gentle nuzzle,

Doctor: Actually, I think you being invisible might cause more of an issue.

she wasn’t certain Fluttershy would be able to survive such an outright show of affection.

Ditzy: Death by hugs.

The unicorn pony also wanted to let out an annoyed sigh, but practice at sneaking around held that in check, as well.

Ditzy: Years of watching Naruto taught her well.

Doctor: (Trixie) It’s a good thing I always bring my Leaf Village headband with me.

She had come up here with the intention of de-cloaking herself where there was nothing Ditzy Doo or Rainbow Dash could do to stop her from seeing Fluttershy and demanding the pony perform in the Longest Night festival,

Doctor: Maybe taking a few animals hostage to convince her.

but what she’d seen in just a few seconds of observing Fluttershy made it painfully obvious that the she was never going to be able to perform on stage, no matter what Trixie either threatened to do to her or offered to bribe her with.

Doctor: It was a shock to Trixie. That was how things were done in the Night Court.

The blue unicorn instead turned around and made her way from Fluttershy’s cottage,

Ditzy: She actually got out of the cottage without being detected? Really? How boring.

Doctor: Plenty of missed comedic opportunities.

Ditzy: Wait, where are Fluttershy’s animal friends?

Doctor: The author couldn’t afford them.

Ditzy: Oh.

back out into the waning winter day.

Ditzy : Ah! I have it! Create a band and do the music yourself!

Doctor: Right, Trixie can play the guitar and isn’t half bad.

“Trixie, I’m sick of apples,” Luna said.

Doctor: (Luna) Why couldn’t they be the Strawberry Trust instead?

“Me too, princess.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Though you have to admit they make a mean apple pie. Especially if it is topped with mayonnaise and baked beans!

“Yes, but you see, Trixie, it was your job to make sure that catering went smoothly. Now, because of you, I’m going to destroy the Apple Trust and outlaw apples across Equestria. Anypony caught eating one will be hanged, drawn, and quartered.”

“I’m cool with that,” Trixie said,

Ditzy: (Trixie) You are a wise and inspirational leader

Doctor: (Trixie) I’m fine with the destruction of the livelihoods of hundreds of ponies.

Ditzy: Explains why she was fine with Carrot Top losing her farm.

beginning to seek out an apple, “but do you really want to go outside in this?”

Doctor: (Trixie) Think of your allergies!

Luna looked outside, at the massive snow-rain-wind-thunder-lightning-ice-and-acid storm that was even now destroying Ponyville. “I’m an alicorn, I can deal,” Luna remarked,

Doctor: After all, when has an alicorn ever lost anything?

opening the door to the town hall and trotting outside. Immediately, she began melting, and freezing, and being flayed.

Ditzy: She somehow got paralyzed, poisoned, frozen, and burned all at the same time!

Dramatic music probably should have been playing, but it was completely, notably absent.

Doctor: Trixie tried getting Howard Shore, but he was unavailable.

“Great,” Luna objected as her body was destroyed. “This is the last time I invest any responsibility in you, Trixie.”

“I know.”

Doctor: (Luna) I should have left you in that cardboard box I found you in.

There was a pause. As Luna was reduced to nothing more than a head, she raised one eyebrow and appraised the interior of the town hall with her one remaining eye before it was destroyed. “The decorations are quite lovely, though. Good job.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Bwahahaha! I’m princess now!

Trixie snickered at her own morbid fantasy as she made her way through Ponyville’s streets,

Doctor: Especially the part where Princess Luna died horribly.

Ditzy: You need therapy Trixie.

looking for the building that would be serving as her home while she was living in the town.

Ditzy: If only the Princess hired a pony to guide Trixie during her stay in Ponyville.

It wasn’t particularly hard to find, being located near the center and bordering the cobblestone plaza that surrounded the town hall. It was a two-story, thatch-roofed house, distinguishable from the other residencies in Ponyville only because it was surrounded by a short iron fence

Doctor: And had walls covered in hate filled graffiti.

– only about chest-high – and a small garden, currently buried under snow, as well as a hanging sign outside of its front gate that read “Residency of the Representative of the Night Court of Luna,” the words printed over the Equestrian coat of arms.

Ditzy: Under it read “Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out!”

After the hectic day of disappointment, shocks, and nearly being trapped outside at noon,

Doctor: The worst of all obviously.

Ditzy: She nearly died!

she was severely hoping that the pantry of her new home was fully stocked,

Doctor: Only to find nothing but canned apples.

or at least contained a decent supply of potent potables.

Ditzy: I’ll take Potent Potables for 500.

She trotted inside with eyes half-lidded, finding the door unlocked and the house inside dark. She hung her hat on a stand just inside the door, but kept her cape on – the house was probably cold, and she wanted to continue benefitting from the warming enchantment woven into her cape until she could get a fire going.

Doctor: She didn’t believe in the dark sorcery known as central heating.

“Ugh,” the unicorn groaned as she made her way towards the door that, if she were designing this house, would contain the living room. “Where’s the light – gah!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Who left a roller skate there?!

Quite suddenly, someone had turned on the gas lights in the room she had wandered into – and Trixie found herself surrounded by ponies of every shape, hue, and tribe,

Doctor: Bat Ponies, Sea Ponies, Flutter Ponies, Crystal Ponies, and even a Tatzlpony!

Ditzy: And one pony was 10 hooves tall!

all of whom took the opportunity to shout surprise! at the top of their lungs. Trixie all but leapt from her coat at the sight, and nearly stumbled to the floor as a certain vibrantly pink pony was suddenly standing right in front of her.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Hello! Now it’s my turn for my character to be ruined!

“Surprise!” The pony exclaimed. “I’m Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you. Were you surprised? Were you? Were you? Huh?”

Trixie stared at the wide-grin, the manic look. It was, for some reason, far too easy to imagine this pony doing horrible things to her.

Ditzy: (Facehoof) Really author?

Doctor: Look, no one is going to believe that no matter how much you insist otherwise.

“You see, I saw you outside of Rarity’s, remember? You were all ‘stars above!’ and I was all gasp, remember? You see I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before that means you’re new, ‘cause I know everypony, and I mean every pony in Ponyville, and if you’re new, that meant you hadn’t met anypony yet – ”

“I’d met a few ponies, actually…” Trixie interrupted as she picked herself up

Ditzy: Ah, but only about one pony actually liked you.

and started looking for something that would destroy her liver in short order.

Doctor: (Trixie) Maybe I can find a solvent to drink.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Do you have any Acetaminophen? I was thinking about downing a bottle or two.

Pinkie Pie didn’t slow down or acknowledge the interruption, and followed Trixie as she walked. “ – and if you haven’t met anypony yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don’t have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, and I had an idea, and that’s why I went gasp, I’ll just throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everypony in Ponyville! See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Yes, I know that is word for word what I said in the other universe, but the author got lazy!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Friendship is a lie. Life has beaten that truth into me long ago!

Trixie had found a table laden with glasses and bottles that contained vibrant warnings about their contents.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Danger corrosive? Keep away from children? Harmful if swallowed? Pansies.

Checking a few labels, she chose one with the largest number on it and began pouring it into a glass,

Doctor: (Trixie) WD-40? Sounds good to me!

while turning to regard Pinkie Pie and the party. “Everypony in Ponyville?” Pinkie Pie’s head bobbed up and down rapidly as Trixie finished pouring and took a swig of what she’d poured for herself. It burned pleasantly on the way down her throat.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Wow! And here I thought I loved hot sauce!

“There’s maybe two dozen ponies here.”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Nope! Twenty-five to exact!

Pinkie Pie didn’t deflate at all from Trixie’s remark. “A party is still a party even if everypony doesn’t show up!”

Doctor: News about Trixie spread quickly I see.

She exclaimed, bouncing happily in circles around Trixie. “Besides I don’t think your house could fit everypony, not that I wouldn’t mind trying!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I once fit 50 ponies into a one room apartment!

And there’s still plenty of ponies here!” She smiled as she dragged several into a group-hug, which they went along with surprisingly easily. The mugs of something foaming held in their hooves may have had something to do with it.

Ditzy: Root beer always gets me in the mood of a hug too.

Trixie blinked a few times, remembering Lyra’s advice about Pinkie Pie’s parties. The pink pony was genuinely enthused and seemed intent on making this Trixie’s best night ever. And she’d just had an awful day and could use any excuse to just forget it. Tomorrow might be worse, after all,

Doctor: Life had also taught Trixie that hope is a lie.

what with having to find a new music venue on such short notice,

Ditzy: Snips and Snails it is then.

not to mention that meeting with Rarity –

Ugh.

All: We get it!

The blue unicorn drained what remained of her drink in one fell swoop, and then began pouring herself a new glass. As she did, an old earth pony salute came to mind: eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!

Doctor: And have terrible headaches in the mourning.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wha-Why I am in Saddle Arabia?!

Lyra and BonBon passed through the front gate of the residency of the Night Court Representative

Ditzy: They just had the most intensive session of hugging you have ever seen!

with trepidation, especially giving the volume of music that was coming out of it – and above that, on occasion, the voice of Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: Lyra really didn’t want to get into one of Pinkie’s musical numbers.

“Do we have to?” Lyra asked as they stood outside of the door. Lyra was once more in her wool cloak and Gatsby, while BonBon was bedecked in a cloak and wide-brimmed hat of her own.

Doctor: After all, it keeps the horrible evil sun away.

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) We shall march into the forbidden zone!

With the sun having settled beyond the horizon, the night’s temperature was plunging rapidly. A chill wind answered her question as it cut through their garments, driving both of the ponies inside quickly to get out of the cold.

Ditzy: It was thirty degrees out! Thirty degrees!

“So what’s Trixie like?” BonBon asked.

“Kind of a jerk.” Lyra admitted. “But I think she’s under a lot of stress.”

Doctor: I think the creepy grin and messy mane gave it away.

“Hmm. Maybe this party will do her good, then,” BonBon observed as the two shucked their hats and cloaks, leaving them in a pile that had been formed near the front door.

Ditzy: Just toss them on the floor whatever.

Several ponies had escaped from where the main party seemed to be going on,

Doctor: A game of pin the tail on the pony went out of control and they barely escaped with their lives!

standing in the hallway; they politely greeted BonBon and welcomed Lyra back from Canterlot.

Doctor: It was, after all, a silly place.

“But we have to be in the same house as Pinkie Pie…” Lyra objected.

Ditzy: Pinkie Pie is the worst pony ever! Am I right!?

Doctor: There, there.

“Hush, she’s easily my best customer,” BonBon responded,

All: (Gasp)

Ditzy: A pony that doesn’t hate Pinkie’s guts?

Doctor: It’s a miracle!

gently knocking her flank against Lyra’s own.

Ditzy: Knocking her over into a doorknob, breaking her skull, killing her instantly. The end.

Doctor: Isn’t that going a bit too far?

Ditzy: No.

The unicorn put on a suitably mollified-looking face as the two ponies approached the main room.

Doctor: Lyra hated joy and happiness.

Ditzy: (Lyra) And what kind of pony actually likes playing pin the tail on the pony anyway?!

Before they could enter, however, a certain blue unicorn in a purple cape came stumbling out, no fewer than three different glasses, each containing liquids of different color, grasped in her telekinetic aura.

Ditzy: Looks like Trixie found Blueblood’s secret Gatorade stash.

Doctor: Hey! The Glacier Cherry one was for special occasions!

Lyra and BonBon froze as Trixie’s violet eyes looked in their direction.

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) Oh crap!

Doctor: (Lyra) Remain calm. She can sense fear.

They were glazed over, at first, but came swiftly into focus as she saw Lyra. “Heartstrings!” She exclaimed. Something seemed…off…about her voice, and not simply the slur it had picked up from the concoctions held in each vessel she carried.

Ditzy: It was deep and sounded like a stallion’s voice.

“Y’all made it!”

“Y’all?” Lyra echoed, as Trixie stumbled forward and gave Lyra a tight hug, which the mint green unicorn returned if only to increase her chances of it ending quickly.

Ditzy: Trixie forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

As it did, Trixie turned to regard BonBon.

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) Can I get a rain check on that hug?

“You!” Trixie exclaimed, then paused, eyes squinting a little as she stared at BonBon. “Ah’m afraid ah have not yet had the pleasure.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve never met sixtuplets before!

Lyra blinked a few times, realizing the problem with Trixie’s voice –

Ditzy: It...had an accent!

her accent had changed, not quite to the country drawl that was common to the rural parts of Equestria, but similar. The Canterlot lilt to her accent had completely disappeared, however. “Uh,” Lyra said. “Trixie – ”

Ditzy: (Lyra)(Sniffs) I don’t think I even know you anymore!

“Trixie?” The unicorn asked incredulously, looking insulted. She put a hoof to her chest. “Ah’m wounded! Ah thought we were on better terms, mon amie Heartstrings! Je m’appelle Lulamoon!

Ditzy: Hello Jemappelle Lulamoon! That’s a pretty name.

Doctor: Actually she said, “I am called Lulamoon.”

Ditzy: Oh. Shame. I really liked that name.

Lyra’s eyes grew larger than any plate found outside of the Griffin Kingdoms at that demand.

Ditzy: ...Because plates are a big export of the Griffin Kingdom?

“Lulamoon?” she asked.

“Oui!” Trixie drew Lyra into a deep hug, again, as BonBon stared with a mixture of .confusion and mirth.

Doctor: Especially when Lyra started flailing about in a desperate attempt to get away.

“Ah’m so glad you’re here, Heartstrings! Come on, come on, come on, y’all have to see this!” She stumbled away and back into the main party room.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pinkie Pie made chocolate covered pinecones!

BonBon blinked a few times, then looked back to Lyra. “She seems very friendly,” the earth pony remarked. “I don’t know what you were worried about.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Trixie is happy! Tartarus must be freezing over!

Lyra was actually growing quite a bit beyond "worry" as she and BonBon made their way into the living room,

Ditzy: Where is the bitter and hateful Trixie we all know and love?!

where the music was loud

Doctor: To Lyra’s shock it was Skip to My Lou DJ-PON3 remix.

and the ponies were dancing, or recovering from long dancing sections, or just talking to each other.

Doctor: Well, yelling at each other while half hearing what the other is saying at best.

A pink blur moved between them all,

Doctor: Pinkie Pie is the Flash!

making sure that neither glass nor mug remained empty for very long. Once inside, Trixie took them both by the hoof and dragged them over to a wall, on which a beautiful, stylized mural had been painted.

Ditzy: Of Princess Luna sitting on a toilet seat.

“Regardez! Look!” Trixie said, jabbing a hoof at the painting.

Doctor: (Lyra) No, my name is Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings.

“It’s the story of – of – well, Ah don’t want to say her name in polite company, Heartstrings, but you know.”

Ditzy: You mean... Voldemare?!

Lyra blinked, inspecting the mural. While done in gentle, story-book quality – and ending with Luna standing triumphant, sun and moon balanced on either wing –

Doctor: The fact the sun was slightly uneven with the moon ruined the effect a little, but it was still quite beautiful.

the mural clearly depicted the story of the fall of Celestia, the former alicorn princess and Luna’s elder sister, and her transformation into the fiery, wrathful, and greedy mare known as Corona,

Doctor: (Corona) It’s mine, you understand? Mine! All mine! Mine, mine, mine!

followed by the epic battle between Luna and Corona for the fate of Equestria.

Ditzy: Over a game of checkers.

It featured Luna’s victory prominently,

Doctor: Propaganda at its finest.

but Lyra nevertheless felt a shiver go down her spine at the sight, even in storybook fashion, of the alicorn that to this day was trapped inside the sun.

Ditzy: And ponies don’t think this is just a myth because?

Trixie nodded as Lyra looked over the mural, a wide-grin on her features. “Story of Corona,” she said, apparently forgetting her earlier concern.

Doctor: (Lyra) Doesn’t the author believe in continuity?

“Oui. Somethin’ like this is in every royal appointment in Equestria, mon amie. Reminds us to do our jobs n’ such.”

Doctor: Luna wants all her subjects to hate and fear her sister so her night would never go unappreciated again!

Trixie drained one of the glasses she held, then turned to Lyra and BonBon. “Do you know what Corona said, just before Princess Luna trapped her in the sun?”

Doctor: What a world. What a world?

Ditzy: Next time Luna. Next time?

Doctor: From Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee?

Ditzy: With my last breath I curse Zoidberg?

She put a hoof to her chest as though stabbed. “Ahh!”

Ditzy: (Snorts) Hey! That’s pretty good!

The unicorn laughed at her joke and drained her second glass, but quickly noticed the mortified looks on the faces of Lyra and BonBon. “Ne me regardez pas comme ça!” She exclaimed,

Ditzy: It was Prench for “Tough crowd”.

stomping forward and jabbing a hoof slightly to Lyra’s left. “C’est un boum! Y’all are supposed to enjoy yourselves!”

Doctor: (Author) Finally my French class in high school came in handy!

Lyra stared, having a very, very difficult time reconciling the pony in front of her – who was draining her final glass – with the pony she had left earlier in the day. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Doctor: (Lyra) And why are you speaking foreign?

Trixie glared at Lyra, before her gaze softened noticeably and she stumbled forward, tapping Lyra on the nose.

Ditzy: Boop.

“You know,” she said, “you are very cute for a musician. Or because y’all are a musician. Whatever.”

“Uh,” Lyra responded.

Doctor: (Lyra) And for the love of everything holy stop wiggling your eyebrows like that.

“She’s taken,” BonBon said quickly, stepping forward defensively between Trixie and Lyra.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Bon-Bon put down the cake knife! She’s just drunk!

Trixie regarded her, and beamed. “Ne vous inquiétez pas! You’re very cute too!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) We could have a three…

Doctor: (Lyra) This conversation is over!

She stumbled backwards a little, as Pinkie Pie arrived and re-filled her drinks.

Doctor: (Pinkie)(Whispering) Don’t tell Trixie that nothing she’s had to drink tonight is actually alcoholic.

Trixie looked to the pink earth pony and smiled widely. “And Pinkie Pie, you’re cute too, in an annoying sort of way…”

Doctor: (Trixie) You’re ears are just too big and don’t frame your face well. That drives me crazy!

“Thanks!” The earth pony exclaimed.

Ditzy: Ponies keep saying Pinkie is annoying in this but…

Doctor: She isn’t really that annoying?

Ditzy: Exactly! Actually, this is pretty toned down compared to normal Pinkie.

Trixie laughed. “Everypony’s cute!” she exclaimed as she began walking/stumbling towards the nearest table and climbing it.

Ditzy: (Pony) Take it off!

“Everypony’s cute! Even I'm cute, non?” Trixie stood atop the table, rearing up on her hind legs and throwing her forelegs wide, telekinesis seizing her cape and causing it to billow as though in a strong wind. “But in purple? Ah'm stunning!”

Doctor: (Pony) Ummm….well….

Ditzy: (Pony) Don’t quit your dayjob.

With that, the unicorn collapsed, falling from the table and onto the floor, grin never leaving her face.

Ditzy: And unfortunately bleeding from the head.

Her eyes were closed, but she was still breathing, so Lyra assumed she was alive and mostly unharmed.

Doctor: It didn’t look like she was breathing, but Lyra assumed she was just asleep.

Pinkie Pie smiled widely at the sight. “She’s become one with her inner self!” the party pony exclaimed.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Who would have guessed that booze leads to enlightenment?

“She passed out,” BonBon remarked.

Pinkie Pie nodded at her fellow earth pony. “That too.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Anypony have a sharpy?

Doctor: Well, that was certainly interesting.

Ditzy: I didn’t think it was possible to make Trixie even more unlikable!

Doctor: Generally an unpleasant pony to be around.

Ditzy: Give me Twilight anyday!

Doctor: I really hope she develops out of this.

Ditzy: Maybe friendship will save her...hopefully.

Doctor: The spark is already there. The story version of you showed her kindness remember?

Ditzy: That’s right. I guess I’m the spirit of kindness! Thanks! I’m flattered! Hey, why do you look doubtful?!

Doctor: Well, I am not sure it fits you.

Ditzy: Hey! I’m plenty kind!

Doctor: I doubt the spirit of kindness would be so quick to throw a chainsaw into a Sontaran’s face.

Ditzy: He was threatening Berry Pinch! I had to do something! Besides it isn’t like it killed him.

Doctor: If you say so.

Ditzy: Whatever. You’re overthinking it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ditzy grabbed her toothbrush from its holder and placed in her saddlebag along with a tube of toothpaste. Dinky did a mental checklist and concluded she had everything she wanted to bring to the sleep over. She left her house to meet up with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon at the malt shop for a quick snack before going to Tiara’s house.

As usual, Star Shot disappeared without a trace and failed to tell Dinky where she went to. Dinky was really starting to get frustrated with that mare. She really wanted to tell Star Shot off for that stunt she pulled about Spike. Dinky spent most of the experiment thinking about it and concluded that she would never do anything like that to Spike even at the cost of her life, family, and future. The cost wasn’t worth it and Dinky didn’t think she could look her parents in the eyes ever again after doing something that.

When Dinky first met Star Shot she hoped that they would become friends and become like real sisters. Unfortunately, Star Shot had a blatant disregard for her and her feelings, and she would often showed a rather irritating enjoyment in Dinky’s failures. “Why did I think it was a good idea to team up with her again?” Dinky thought to herself. “Of all the ponies in time and space, why did she have to end up being the one that saved me?” Star Shot was about warm and inviting as sandpaper bed sheets.

She sighed. “Would it kill her to be genuinely nice to me for once?” Dinky thought in irritation. She hated how patronizing Star Shot could be towards her. She was glad to have good friends like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Dinky felt she might have gone crazy without them. Dinky sped up her pace to get to the malt shop faster eager to meet up with her friends. She never wanted to face that crushing loneliness again.

Dinky suddenly froze in place. She got an idea. It was crazy and reckless, but she wanted to do it anyway. She was going to tell them everything. They were her friends and deserved to know the truth. She wanted, no needed to tell them. It would be so much easier to deal with everything if somepony else knew. It wouldn’t be easy, but it felt right somehow. Star Shot wouldn’t like it, but she didn’t care.

“If she doesn’t like it, well that’s just too bad!” Dinky thought defiantly. Star Shot was not the boss of her, and she would tell her friends the truth if she wanted to and that was that. Dinky trotted happily to the malt resolved to show her friends the truth during the next experiment. Who knows? Maybe they could give her some good advice on how to get her parents together.

Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 5

Hello again! This time we will be reading chapters 5,6,7 and 8 ofLongest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. Unfortunately, we have gotten to the very slow, mostly boring part of the story. Seriously, I think these chapters could easily be edited down to two or three chapter. Luckily things pick up after this. Sorry this took so long. I have a lot to riff and I have been doing a lot more editing and revising than usual. Thank you GreyGuardPonyfor prereading my story and I find your advice invaluable.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction account or my blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to RainbowDoubleDash for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 1

Dinky fidgeted awkward as she guided her best friends Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon down the pathway that led to one the entrances to her secret base. She was starting to have second thoughts about telling them her secret. It was such a dangerous and crazy risk. A million different scenarios went through her head. Dinky steeled her resolve. She was going to see this through.

“So what exactly is this big secret you want to show us?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“It’s right here.” Dinky pointed to a large pile of rocks that was next to a quarry.

“And…it’s a rock?” Silver Spoon snarked.

“You’ve dragged us this far for a rock?” Diamond Tiara said haughtily.

Dinky ignored them and reached into a space in-between the rock and the ground. She hit a switch and the ground next to her opened to reveal a staircase. Her friend’s eyes widened and they gaped.

“Hurry, somepony might see us.” Dinky said while rushing down the stairs. Her friends reluctantly followed.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked around in amazement as they went down the corridors. “So, what is this place?” Silver Spoon asked.

“I got it.” Diamond Tiara piped in. “She’s a super secret spy sent by the Princess!”

Silver Spoon clopped her hooves together in excitement. “That, like, makes so much sense!”

“No, that’s not it.” Dinky corrected.

“Fine, so what then?” Diamond Tiara asked insistently.

“Come on, don’t leave us in suspense!” Silver Spoon whinnied.

“Just a little further then I will tell you.” Dinky replied. They went down more identical corridors for several minutes. She stopped and opened a door and inside it was the control room.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked back and forth through the monitors amazed. Diamond stopped and pointed a one screen in particular. “Wait, is that the mail mare?” She said confused.

“I think I’ve seen that stallion around town.” Silver Spoon pointed to another monitor. “What...is he doing?”

Diamond Tiara turned and was equally dumbfounded when she saw the screen. The stallion in question was riding a unicycle on a tightrope while juggling bowling pins while balancing a stick on his head. The two fillies turned questionally towards Dinky for some answers.

“Oh, he’s just practicing for a trick.” Dinky said dismissively. “He’s doing it to one up Pinkie Pie.”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at each and just shrugged. “So are you going to, like, tell us what this is about or what?” Silver Spoon asked impatiently.

“Well…” Dinky tried to find the best words to explain this. “They are my future parents.”

“What.” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon said flatly not comprehending what they were hearing. Dinky sighed inwardly. This was going to take some time.

“So let me get this straight, if you don’t get your parents together, you will cease to exist?” Diamond Tiara asked wide eyed. Dinky looked down and nodded.

Dinky gave them a brief rundown of her predicament. She’s the future daughter of the Doctor and Ditzy Doo and something happened to prevented them from falling in love and now she’s in the past trying to make things right. She left out the fact her father is an alien from another world and that they are time travelers too. The two already had trouble processing the information she was giving them.

“That’s…wow.” Diamond Tiara looked speechless for once.

“I knew you were different, but this is incredible!” Silver Spoon interjected.

“So, are you okay with this?” Dinky asked reluctantly.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon started jumping up and down. “Come on Dinky, one of my friends is a time traveler! How cool is that!” Diamond Tiara said with glee.

“Yeah totally the coolest!” Silver Spoon agreed.

“So what’s the future like?” Diamond Tiara asked eagerly. “What I do? Do they have hoverboards? Who’s my future husband?” Silver Spoon looked like she was about to also ask a million questions.

“You see the thing is, um, I’m not really from the future future.” Dinky tried to explain. Her friends just gave a blank look. “But I am from this time period.”

Now Dinky’s friends looked even more confused. “What?” They asked in unison.

“I’m only from about two years in the future.” Dinky replied.

“Wait that wouldn’t that would mean that your mother had you at about our age!” Silver Spoon exclaimed in horror.

“Ick.” Diamond Tiara said disgusted.

“No wait! That’s not it!” Dinky frantically explained. “My parents are time travelers too!”

“What.” Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara said again dumbfounded.

“Okay, it’s like this.” Dinky paused to give herself some time to think her explanation through. “My father is an alien with a time machine.”

“Aliens?!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed.”Now aliens are involved in this?!” This is why Dinky didn’t want to tell them this.

“But he’s a good alien!” Dinky explained quickly to avoid misunderstands. “He helps ponies!”

“Okay.” Diamond Tiara said reluctantly.

“You see, mom had me in the past. It was about 130 years ago. I travelled around in Dad’s Tradis, his time machine, with mom, dad, and my big sister for a few years before setting back in mom’s home time period.” Dinky explain. Her friends looked confused again.

“You have a sister?” Silver Spoon asked.

Dinky nodded. “Her name is Amethyst Star. She’s gone…” Dinky gave a sad look. “She disappeared when the timeline changed.” Dinky tried her best to fight back tears. She could still vividly remember when Amethyst just vanished right in front of her. She was just trying to get milk out of the refrigerator when Amethyst suddenly turned transparent before disappearing completely.

“I’m sorry Dinky.” Diamond Tiara said mournfully her ears drooping. This surprised Dinky. Silver Spoon looked on the verge of tears.

“Dinky I’m so sorry!” Silver Spoon gave her a big hug and Dinky accepted it gratefully.

“Thanks.” Dinky said appreciatively. She was so glad to have friends like them.

“It will be fine!” Dinky said with forced cheerfulness. “All I need to do is get my parents together and everything should get back to normal!”

“What happened?” Silver Spoon said after letting go of Dinky.

“I don’t know.” Dinky said reluctantly. “Things just changed. Something must have changed the past.”

“Like what?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“I wish I knew. Dad has like a million enemies!” Dinky explained. “Anything could have happened!”

Her friends reflected on this. “So, what now? What’s the plan?” Silver Spoon asked.

“I figure if I keep them together in one place.” Dinky explained. “Eventually they have to realize their feelings for each other! And no distractions from adventures or bad guys trying to get them. It’s the perfect plan!”

“Um, I’m pretty sure that isn’t how that works Dinky.” Diamond Tiara admonished.

“Yeah that’s like basically what the Cutie Mark losers tried to Miss Cheerilee and Big Mac.” Silver Spoon pointed out. “I didn’t work. At all.”

“No! This is going to work!” Dinky said defiantly. “They already really really care for each other! They just don’t know how much they mean to each other!” Her friends glanced at each other.

“That makes sense. I guess.” Diamond Tiara said hesitantly.

“Yes, it does!” Dinky refused to back down. “I won’t be here at all if they didn’t!”

“Wait, wait. Why exactly are you here?” Silver Spoon butted in. “Why didn’t you disappear too?”

“Oh that. Star Shot used a device to save me from disappearing.” Dinky moved her hair away and revealed a small round disk on her neck. “It protects me from changed in the time stream.”

“That’s absolutely right!” A voice said out of nowhere making all three fillies jump. “The better question is why you are here?” The voice took on a dangerous tone in the last part.

The three friends turned around to find an annoyed looking Star Shot standing in the corner. Somehow she entered and got behind them without anypony noticing her.

“Well…” Dinky hesitated.

“Squirt, we’ve been other this time and time again.” Star Shot gestured to the other two fillies. “We can’t have anypony knowing about this. The less ponies that know about it, the better.”

“Well, I thought…” Dinky tried to explain, but was interrupted.

“What do you think will happen if that busy body Twilight Sparkle or the Princesses hear about this?” Star Shot asked. “They’ll come in to the rescue and our whole operation will be a bust!”

Dinky’s ears drooped and head fell. “I just wanted to have somepony share my secret.”

“I know it hard, but you have to bear it Dinky.” Star Shot said with sympathy. “It’s a tough, but oh so worthy burden.”

Dinky stayed silent. “She’s right.” Dinky thought. “This was a bad idea. What was I thinking? I’ve only known them for little over a month. I didn’t consider that they might not be able to keep my secret.”

“Now the question is…what to do with you two?” Star Shot’s voice took a sinister tone with those last two words. Her friends visibly tensed. “We can’t have them spilling the beans.”

“Wait!” Dinky cried out frantically. “We can trust them!”

“Y-yeah!” Diamond Tiara stuttered.

“We can totally keep a secret!” Silver Spoon added just as nervous.

“You better.” Star Shot replied. She suddenly got into Silver Spoon’s and Diamond Tiara’s faces. Her voice didn’t hide the threat at all. “I don’t think you really want to know the consequences if you tell anypony.” Dinky’s two friends nodded franticly. Star Shot suddenly smiled. “Good. I’m glad that’s all taken care of. I know I can trust you two.”

Star Shot trotted past Dinky’s friends and went out the door. “Have fun with the experiment!” She said as she was leaving. “And remember you two. I will be watching you. Closely.” Star Shot’s voice became sing song at the end.

Dinky’s friends visibly gulped. “What the hay was that?!” Diamond Tiara demanded whispering.

“That’s just Star Shot being Star Shot.” Dinky replied. “She isn’t so bad once you get to know her.” Her friends looked skeptical.

“So if like Amethyst Star is your big sister, then who is that?” Silver Spoon asked. Not surprising considering Star Shot was currently posing as her sister.

“She’s the one that helped me put this all together!” Dinky smiled as she said this.

“And why would she do that?” Diamond Tiara inquired clearly not liking the unicorn.

“She’s a keeper of time.” Dinky explained. “It’s her job to make everything runs smoothly.”

“So she’s a time secret agent?” Diamond Tiara asked amazed.

Dinky nodded. “She’s part of…” Suddenly an alarm went off. “Oh, almost forgot. It’s time for the experiment.”

“Experiment?” Her friends said in unison.

“Every week I make my parent read bad fanfiction.” Dinky explained.

Her friends blinked. “Excuse me?” Silver Spoon asked.

“Bad fanfiction.” Dinky reiterated. “It’s gives them something to do, and it gives me the perfect excuse to lock them up. It misleads the

true purpose of all of this.”

“Huh.” Diamond Tiara said clearly lost.

Dinky pressed a few buttons on the console and watched as her parents entered the main meeting room. “Shhh….” Her friends nodded and Dinky began her work. “Hello my little test subjects.”

“Hey.” Ditzy said. The Doctor nodded.

“Today we will be reading chapter 4, 5, and 6 of the Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash.” Dinky explained.

“Finally we can get evil Celestia!” Ditzy exclaimed. “I’ve been waiting all week!”

“I have also been a little curious what the author’s idea of evil Celestia is like.” The Doctor piped in.

“Hopefully it will only take a chapter or two.” Ditzy said hopefully. “Nopony really cares about this boring festival stuff.”

“Hopefully.” The Doctor puffed.

Dinky coughed and the two time travelers came to attention. “Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her trademark evil laugh. The alarm went off and the two went into the theater.

“What’s with the laugh?” Diamond Tiara asked. “It was ridiculous.”

“Ugh, it’s like a corny cartoon villain.” Silver Spoon chimed in.

“No it’s not!” Dinky defended. She was surprised that didn’t find it was cool as she did. “It’s super cool.”

“Dinky dear.” Diamond Tiara said in a tone that was haughty yet trying to be gentle. “It’s not cool. At all.”

Dinky rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She mused on how somepony could be so blind.

“Fine. So, uh, what happens now exactly?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Nothing much.” Dinky shrugged. “Just watch over the experiment and laugh at their antics.” The three fillies turned to watch the monitors.

Ditzy: And now for the continuing adventures of Trixie Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon!

Doctor: Ditzy, I’m pretty sure that joke has been played out.

Ditzy: Oh come on Doctor, it’s funny! (Singing) Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Skip to my Lou my darlin'!

Doctor: (Rolls eyes)

As a consequence of having a mad alicorn trapped inside of it, everypony in Equestria feared the sun to some greater or lesser extent.

Ditzy: (Pony) A bright and sunny day? Bah, humbug! Give me a cloudy bitter one any day!

Even the most obstinate and impious still sought shelter during the midday.

Ditzy: Right, much like in our world there’s a belief that Nightmare Moon will get you if stay out at midnight!

Doctor: Ponies waste, what, an hour of sunlight over a silly superstition?

Ditzy: It must make construction work terrible.

Still, few ponies outright hated the sun.

Doctor: After all, it’s only the thing that makes all life possible.

Trixie hated the sun, at least right now.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why can’t the Princess destroy the sun and bring eternal night!? That would make everything better!

But not as much as it seemed to hate her.

Doctor: (Sun) Bah, who wants to read an AU about Trixie bearing the Element of Magic? It should be Vinyl Scratch instead!

The blue unicorn groaned loudly as she turned away from her window and buried her face in her pillow, welcoming the sweet embrace of darkness that allowed her to escape from the wretched rays of the tyrant sun. She didn’t remember climbing into bed.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why I am cuddling a traffic cone?

She didn’t, come to think of it, remember much of last night at all after the contents of the first bottle of bourbon had disappeared under mysterious circumstances,

Doctor: She blamed the bourbon stealing fairies.

forcing her to find a second one. Or maybe a third. Whatever.

Doctor: Trixie thought tales of the dangers of alcohol to be a silly myth.

Trixie let out a contented sigh as she snuggled closer into her pillow,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh pillow! You’re my only friend!

or tried to. Her hoof was caught in something.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Hi! Good morning!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Opening an eye – argh the sunlight – and looking down, she saw that whoever had laid her into bed last night,

Doctor: Shaved half of her fur off.

as she sorely doubted that she’d been conscious enough to do so herself, had neglected to remove her cape first.

Doctor: Which was very inconsiderate of them.

Ditzy: Trixie doubted she would ever get the smell out.

It was now tangled about her front, trapping one foreleg against her chest awkwardly. Groaning, Trixie forced herself to sit up on her bed and used a combination of magic, her hooves, and a substantial number of impolite words to escape her cape and sling it from her shoulders and onto the floor. Instantly upon leaving her person, however, its warming enchantment also slipped off of her body, and she suddenly realized that her bedroom was freezing.

Ditzy: Pinkie thought it was stuffy in there so she opened every window in the house.

With a gasp and a few additional curses, she quickly got back underneath her bed’s covers. Unfortunately, the enchantment worked by making her retain all of her body heat – meaning that none had been lost into her bed. All she had succeeded in doing was to surround herself in ice-cold sheets.

Doctor: The sheets were very thin and cheap.

“I hate my life,” Trixie proclaimed loudly, which turned out to be a poor idea.

Ditzy: A baseball suddenly flew through the window and hit her in the head!

The sound reverberated through her skull,

Doctor: Ricola! Ricola! Ricola!

attempting to shake her horn from her head from the feel of things. She groaned one more time as she climbed from her bed, threw on her cape, and tried to lie back down. It was no use, however:

Doctor: A simple string was too much of a gargantuan task for her.

she was awake now, whether she wanted to be or not.

Ditzy: She yelled at the birds outside to shut up, but they ignored her and started chirping even louder!

“Hate,” Trixie repeated, though she had the good sense to be quieter this time as she stumbled from bed and resolved to brave attempting the stairs.

All: (Hums Gonna Fly Now)

After all, the worst thing that could happen to her would be falling and breaking her neck, and then she wouldn’t have to deal with the sunlight or the pounding in her head anymore.

Ditzy: But then she would be faced with haunting this house for all eternity.

Trixie found the house empty but surprisingly clean, given what little she remembered of the party.

Doctor: She recalled one pony throwing a chair through a window.

There wasn’t an unsoiled glass, mug, cup, or other such container to be found in the whole place, but they had, at least, all been organized into neat piles in the kitchen near the sink.

Ditzy: Duh! Do you think Pinkie would leave your place trashed? She’s a professional party pony!

The pantry was stocked with only the basics – bread and hay, mostly, and a few condiments – but despite Trixie’s habits,

Doctor: She prefered chips and icecream for breakfast.

she felt that nothing more complicated than toast and butter was probably called for right now.

Ditzy: Really? You aren’t going to top it with mustard or something?

Trixie’s stomach roiled in protest at the thought of dairy. On second thought, maybe it would be better to skip the butter.

Doctor: Trixie counted her blessings that this place had a fireplace. Soot in warm milk was an excellent hangover cure.

Trixie had just started to feel like an actual unicorn pony again –

Ditzy: Before she felt like a human!

she’d gotten a fire going,

Doctor: Using official documents to light it. She was too hungover to care.

eaten a few slices of plain toast, and was able to look out a window without going blind – when a series of explosions occurred at her front door.

Ditzy: Evil robots from the future have come to kill Trixie!

Or somepony knocked. Either way, Trixie supposed she should probably go and either inspect the damage, or else cause some of her own.

Ditzy: Trixie smash!

Stumbling to the still-intact door revealed that the latter was most likely going to be the case.

Ditzy: Aww. I wanted something exciting to happen!

Sliding her hat on for extra defensive against the sunlight, she opened her door, and found herself staring and an earth pony with an orange mane and three carrots for a cutie mark, wearing a wide-brimmed hat and winter cloak.

Ditzy: ...Oh right! I forgot she was in this fic!

Doctor: (Trixie) I don’t want religion or whatever you're selling. Go away!

Trixie blinked a few times as she stared.

Doctor: It seems Trixie forgot about her being in this fic too.

“Carrot Top?” she asked, then winced at her own voice reverberating through her skull again.

Ditzy: (Carrot)(Snorts) What happened to your face?

The earth pony nodded. “May I come in?” she asked, her soft voice doing considerably less damage to Trixie’s brain.

Ditzy: Come to think of it, where is Pinkie? She would want to check in to see if Trixie is ok.

Trixie stared a moment, before nodding “Yeah, yeah, it’s just…what time is it?” Trixie leaned outside even as Carrot Top entered, trying to check the sun’s position. She didn’t even come close to accomplishing her goal before he pain of looking towards the tyrant sun forced her to retreat back inside and close the door, rubbing her eyes.

Doctor: Just use a clock Trixie.

“Nearly midday, actually,” Carrot Top admitted, as she appraised Trixie. “Are you…alright? What happened?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) My stomach and bourbon had an unfortunate meeting.

“I don’t know,” Trixie explained, as she used magic to take Carrot Top’s hat and cloak, and hung them and her own hat near the door, “you’ll have to find somepony else who was at the party and ask them…” Carrot Top grinned wryly and nodded knowingly at that.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Did you do any lewd dancing on a table? You seem the type.

“So what brings you here?”

Carrot Top bit her lip. “Business,” she explained. “I had an appointment arranged with Duke Blueblood, but then he retired, and it’s sort of an emergency, so I was hoping that I could speak with you…”

Doctor: Blah! Come back tomorrow! I’m too hungover to care!

Trixie blinked a few times at that, before rubbing her head. “Uh, yeah. Okay. I probably have an office around here…somewhere…”

Ditzy: It turned out to be a surprisingly well furnished outhouse.

Had she been somewhat less hungover, Trixie might have been embarrassed that she didn’t yet fully know the layout to her own home.

Doctor: She didn’t look particularly dignified tripping over every little thing in her house.

Still, it took only a minimal of searching to find the room that would be serving as her office while she lived in Ponyville, since it was the closest one to the door. The office was small and only sparsely decorated – she’d have to change that provided she survived the morning –

Ditzy: With hundreds of framed pictures of herself.

with a desk and comfortable-looking pillows on either side for sitting at, a bookcase with various dry tomes in it,

Doctor: Not interesting ones?

probably the Ponyville legal code set against one wall

Ditzy: An act that turned out be illegal.

and a large, old-style map of Ponyville set against another.

Doctor: It even had “Here be dragons”.

There were also windows, but mercifully the curtains to them were closed over, so the only light came from the gas lamps that Trixie turned on as they entered.

“Okay,” Trixie said, as she got behind her desk and settled down, intending to give a somewhat dramatic cape flare as she did but failing due to a combination of being hungover and…well, no, actually, that was it.

Doctor: Now you’re doing the theatrics?

All she succeeded in doing was dumping the contents of her cape’s inner pocket onto the floor.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Look Trixie, don’t worry about it. I am not going to judge you or tell anypony.

Doctor: (Trixie) You better not!

Ditzy: (Carrot) But really though, do you really need to have so many cond…

Doctor: (Trixie) Drop it. Now!

“Ugh,” Trixie said, summoning up magic and lifting the three spilled envelopes onto her desk.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That’s it? I was expecting more odds and ends.

Ditzy: Not even some loose change?

“Sorry, sorry…not at my best…this is sort of my first real hangover…”

All: I don’t believe that for a moment.

Carrot Top offered another knowing smile.

Ditzy: She knew Trixie to be an obvious lush.

“I remember mine,” she said, though afterwards she paused and considered her words. “Actually, that’s not true. It wouldn’t be a real hangover if I remembered anything other than wanting to just be struck dead by Luna.”

Ditzy: That feels plagiarized from somewhere.

Trixie let out a slight snort at that. “Yeah. That’s been arranged for me,” she groaned, before closing her eyes and forcing her mind to focus regardless of how much she just wanted to die right now.

Doctor: (Trixie) I am never drinking again! I mean it this time!

When she opened them again, she found herself looking at her desk. “Okay,” she said, as she used her magic to open the first midnight-blue envelope and slide out the paper inside.

“What did you want to see me about?”

“Well,” Carrot Top said, fidgeting slightly as she spoke, “it’s…it’s a difficult thing to ask. It’s just that this past year’s harvest season wasn’t as good as I’d hoped it would be…carrot sales weren’t as large…

Ditzy: (Carrot) Stupid daisies undercutting my business.

and then the weather schedule called for an early start to winter for I don’t know what reason…”

Doctor: Rainbow Dash thought some early snow this year would be fun.

Trixie nodded sympathetically, as her eyes glanced over the letter from Luna.

Doctor: (Trixie)(Sighs) Why must she still insist on writing in Middle Equestrian?

Despite being, officially, from her mentor, the letter was extremely formal,

Doctor: All i’s were dotted and all t’s were crossed.

nothing more than an outline of Luna’s intention to appoint Trixie to the position of Representative of her Night Court and outlining the duties and responsibilities that Trixie would be expected to uphold and carry out – nothing that Trixie didn’t know already, in other words. The formality and distance stung at Trixie. She hadn’t even received a ‘good luck…’

Ditzy: As far as Trixie could tell anyway. With Luna’s writing you never knew exactly what she’s trying to say.

She folded the letter back up and looked to Carrot Top even as she started opening the brown-enveloped one. “So what is your request?”

Doctor: (Carrot) Um, would you like to purchase 5000 carrots?

Carrot Top shifted uncomfortably. “I’d like to request a tax extension from Her Majesty.” She said.

Doctor: (Carrot) To about, oh, 2005 or so.

Trixie considered Carrot Top’s request. “You’re petitioning her directly?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be taking this up with the Equestrian Revenue Service…?” Trixie’s question trailed off as Carrot Top looked away, dejected. The blue unicorn bit her lip. “You already have?”

Carrot Top didn’t look up. “Declined,” she said. “Since I run the farm practically by myself ‘til harvest season, I already receive some tax breaks.

Doctor: (Carrot) And I have used every possible cheat and loophole in the book!

But I just don’t think I’m going to be able to pay on time this year, not without some leave…”

Trixie nodded as she glanced at the contents of the second envelope. As she had suspected, this letter hadn’t been sent from Luna at all, but rather one of her many secretaries. It was directions as to how to acquire her royal stipend for the month,

Ditzy: Her...what?

Doctor: Her salary.

as well as a list of tasks in Trixie’s backlog as Representative,

Doctor: (Trixie) Scrub the toilets in town hall? Why the heck is that my job?!

which was, surprisingly, very little. Duke Blueblood must have been an industrious pony to have left her so little work…

Ditzy: I’m sure that’s it. Hey! Look on the brightside! It gives you plenty of time to take those yodelling lessons like you’ve always wanted!

Trixie offered Carrot Top a smile as she opened the last letter. “Lucky we ran into each other yesterday,” she noted.

Doctor: (Trixie) Otherwise I would have laughed in your face and threw you out!

Carrot Top looked mortified. “I’m not asking for payback for lunch or anything!” she exclaimed quickly.

Doctor: (Trixie) Please! Don’t apologize! Everypony knows that bribes are the only way to get what you want. And I expect a full course meal by tonight.

Trixie gave a friendly laugh, as she turned her attention to her final dispatch. It was a series of sheets of paper, each looking older than the last.

Ditzy: One was written on papyrus.

Doctor: The final one was chiseled on stone.

“I didn’t think you were. I’m just saying, it was lucky. I’m Luna’s personal student and I can…and I…” Trixie’s voice trailed off as her eyes glided over the paper in front of her. She looked to the next page, then the one after that, eyes widening. “…and Luna can go and join her sister in the sun!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’ve been arranged to marry Blueblood’s son?!

Carrot Top’s eyes widened and she stumbled backwards a little at Trixie’s outburst, which went so far past obscene that the concept of obscenity itself seemed polite and well-mannered by comparison.

Doctor: Which used rather colorful euphemisms with the word sun.

The unicorn was staring at her desk and the letter she had dropped there, breathing heavily with barely contained anger.

“…Representative?” Carrot Top asked after a moment, slowly making her way forward. “Is…is everything – ” she was interrupted at Trixie’s horn glowed,

Ditzy: (Trixie) This whole town is going to burn to the ground!

and the newest-looking sheet of paper Trixie had held onto levitated up and in front of Carrot Top’s eyes.

To Representative Trixie Lulamoon:

I am given to understand that you shall be my successor to the position of Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville. Congratulations on managing to displease Her Majesty enough to make her want to banish you from the Night Court, but not enough to make her want to appoint you as ambassador to the Griffin Kingdoms. Well done!

Doctor: (Rolls eyes)

Ditzy: This again? Why can’t anypony write Griffons right? They aren’t monsters!

Doctor: Everyone seems to have their own idea how their name should be spelled too.

Now, the hard part is about to begin. Are you sitting down? Good.

Doctor: And remove anything fragile and valuable out of the room.

That’s it. Is there a clock nearby? If so, then take a long, hard look at it, for you will come to know it well as you watch the glacial movement of its hands counting down the seconds until you can escape,

Ditzy: Silly Blueblood! Don’t you know that a watched pot never boils?

by retirement or death, the prison that is your thoroughly meaningless appointment to this nowhere town, this wasteland of Equestria.

Doctor: Didn’t this story establish that Ponyville is *ahem* “one of the largest communities in the realm”?

Well, that’s it. I have ensured that there is a good stock in the liquor cabinet; there is no reason in Equestria why you shouldn’t spend the better part of your days in a drunken stupor.

Ditzy: Yeah, don’t actually try to fix your problem.

Doctor: (Blueblood) If ponies are going to laugh at you, at least be too drunk to remember any of it.

Just make sure to clean yourself up for formal occasions.

Ditzy: (Blueblood) At least don’t wear anything with Cheeto stains!

Also, you are the deciding member in any tie vote in Ponyville’s town council. Don’t worry, it almost never happens, and if it does, they’ll call you.

Doctor: (Mayor) Representative Trixie Lulamoon! We need you help in deciding if the new town hall should be blue or green!

Do not think me vindictive, Miss Lulamoon. I received a very similar letter from the pony whom I replaced in this position, and she received one of her own, and so on. I have enclosed a sampling of them with this dispatch, but in the safe behind the bookcase you’ll find dozens more, dating back to the very foundation of Ponyville itself.

Ditzy: (Facehoof) You have got to be kidding me.

Doctor: Why would Luna instantly latch on to Ponyville of all places as a dumping ground for disfavored politicians?

Ditzy: Wait a minute. Ponyville isn’t even a hundred years old. So why would there be dozens? Unless Princess Luna being in charge would somehow cause it to be found sooner, but it was only founded in the first place because it was part of Princess Celestia’s elaborate plan to..oh nevermind.

Doctor: Best not to think too hard about these “For want of a nail” situations.

The town has always been used as a site of exile for those who have fallen out of Luna’s favor but were not so unfortunate as to elicit her hate.

Doctor: And why exactly? Isn’t Ponyville an important farming community? With the Apple Trust being big and important?

Yours sincerely,

– Duke Blueblood, retired.

P.S.: One more thing. Should a crisis strike Ponyville,

Ditzy: Which is every other week.

you technically can override any decision the town council makes. Princess Luna looks poorly on such abuses,

Doctor: On the grounds that might actually solve something.

however, and doing so haphazardly is a sure way to get an appointment to that ambassadorship I mentioned. Still, if the tedium becomes too much to bear…

Doctor: (Blueblood) You could always start pin collecting!

Ditzy: (Blueblood) P.S., P.S.: Do you think you could perform for my grandson’s birthday party next week?

Carrot Top blinked a few times as she read the letter, before Trixie pulled it away. She swallowed a few times as she looked over the other letters. Each one followed much the same pattern, a depressing legacy of ponies who had realized the mediocrity of their position and, out of a sense of solidarity, had seen fit to warn their successors.

Ditzy: Except for a pony called Cinnamon Dasher that loved this position and had a grand old time doing whatever he wanted.

“The Duke wasn’t lying…” Carrot Top observed.

Doctor: (Carrot) Come to think of it, we do have a high suicide rate for representatives. The one before Blueblood used a toaster in a bathtub! And the one before that used a nail gun and…

Ditzy: (Trixie) I get it, no need to finish that sentence thank you.

“Baron,” Trixie corrected absent-mindedly, though from the look on her face, she was doing so almost subconsciously. “Duke is his name. Baron was his title before he retired…”

“Oh. I never knew that…”

Doctor: Carrot Top felt so embarrassed right now.

Trixie blinked a few times. “Exile,” she said softly. “I’ve been exiled. I was exiled. I knew Luna was furious with me, but I didn’t think that…”

Ditzy: Don’t worry. It’s all part of an elaborate plan to get her sister back!

Carrot Top bit her lip as she regarded the unicorn. “I’m…I’m sorry,” she said, stepping forward. “But Ponyville isn’t so bad. We’re the site of the Longest Night festival this year!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Yes, but when it leaves Ponyville will be a worthless town nopony cares about!

Trixie glanced up at that, eyes wide. “N…no!” she exclaimed, taking several rapid steps towards Carrot Top. The earth pony backed away, but Trixie kept advancing. “Don’t you get it? I’ve been banished! And Luna hated me enough to send me here! Here, where everything was heading into the sun already! She’s an alicorn, she must have known about the Everfree storm,

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Here we go.

Ditzy: Here Trixie, use this tin foil hat to protect yourself from the Princess’s mind reading magic!

somehow knew that Fluttershy couldn’t perform! She knows the Apple Trust runs the festival, knew that the food would be nothing but apples and she knows she’s a picky eater, always said it was her one vice,

Ditzy: Wait, considering this is Trixie, does ‘picky eater’ mean eating things that are actually sane?

Doctor: (Trixie) You don’t want rice covered with presto, green beans, and peeps? What a weirdo!

which means she knew that the catering was going wrong too, and then I don’t even know what’s going on with the decorations but there must be something awful…”

Doctor: I suppose it isn’t too early to drag Rarity through the mud.

Carrot Top had been backed against a wall by the desperate-looking unicorn. “Representative – ” she began.

“And I’ve been exiled here!” Trixie exclaimed, backing away from Carrot Top and turning around. “She’s still mad about the argument and the ice palace and so decided to punish me by sending me here and making me suffer for a little bit before trapping me in this position for the rest of my life!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why couldn’t she be kind and smother me in my sleep or something?

Carrot Top blinked rapidly. “This…this seems like a bad time,” Carrot Top ventured, as she began making her way to the door. “I’ll come back later…”

Trixie turned in place at that, eyes darting back and forth over Carrot Top, the map of Ponyville set onto the wall, and her desk, where Blueblood’s and his predecessors’ letters lay. After several moments, her eyes narrowed. “No,” Trixie commanded,

Doctor: (Carrot) Please don’t hurt me! I’ll do whatever you want!

her voice dropping several octaves from the high-pitched panic it had been at. “No. Stay. I’m going to need your help.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Carrot Top grab a jump rope, a walrus and one of those round sticky things and meet me where I'm going.

Carrot Top grimaced. “Help?”

Trixie snickered a little. “Oh, I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “I’ve fallen out of Luna’s favor. I can’t help you with your tax problems anymore.”

Doctor: (Carrot) Well, if you put it like that I do think you are a washed up loser.

Carrot Top shook her head. “No,” she said. “Well…I mean, it’s on my mind, but really I think you need to be alone – ”

Ditzy:(Carrot) In a padded cell.

“No,” Trixie repeated, stepping forward. “No, I need your help. I need to know how fast you could put together a vending stall of carrots for tomorrow.”

Doctor: (Carrot) Well, it depends on what type of stall you want. How large will it be, will it be mobile, how many ponies will be staffed in it, will it be selling only carrots or will it have other goods like soda...

Carrot Top blinked a few times. “What?” she asked.

“Carrots. Tomorrow. How fast?”

“Well…if I work through the night…but I heard you weren’t able to convince the Apples to let me set up a stall at the festival – ”

Ditzy: (Carrot) They had a good laugh about it at the bar last night.

Trixie grinned. A plan was forming in her mind as she trotted up next to Carrot Top.

Doctor: Trixie got an idea. An awful idea. Trixie got a wonderful, awful idea!

“Forget the Apple Trust,” she said in a voice that was probably intended to be warm and inviting, but came across to Carrot Top as having a cold center to it.

Ditzy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Trixie Pop?

She guided Carrot Top back over to her desk. “You need money, right? Why pass up the opportunity of the Longest Night?”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) I value my legs not being broken.

“I don’t have any of the paperwork filled out for – ”

Trixie chuckled slightly, tapping the side of her nose with one hoof. “I think you’ll find,” she said, “that the paperwork is strictly for food that is intended to be sold on the grounds of the festival. But if you were to, say, use my front lawn, which just so happens to border the town center, where the festival will be happening…”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And those ponies will be too full to buy any apple products! It’s a win win!

Carrot Top stared. “That could make the Apple Trust mad – ”

Doctor: (Carrot) The last pony that did that found a decapitated teddy bear in their bed.

“Forget the Apples!” Trixie repeated, although louder this time. “Why should they get all the benefits of the Longest Night and leave you out in the cold?”

Ditzy: (Carrot) Well, they did give me a fruit basket.

Trixie leaned close to Carrot Top. “It’s their fault, you know. That gigantic apple farm of theirs. Probably snap up all the good workers during harvest season too, huh?

Doctor: (Carrot) No, actually they quite accommodating and perfectly willing to share workers with me.

And they don’t struggle. You know they don’t struggle no matter what that Applejack claims.”

Doctor: That is until economic turmoil severely hurt apple prices.

Carrot Top opened her mouth to object, but then shut it as she considered. “Well…”

“You’ve got to take a stand!” Trixie exclaimed,

Ditzy: Until you die, take a stand. In my grave, take a stand. I'll never give in, take a stand.

a manic gleam to her eyes. “Show her you’re not just going to lie down and take what she’s trying to stick you with! It’s her fault you’re stuck here! Her fault you needed to ask for a tax extension!”

Doctor: (Trixie) I bet she secretly poisons your crops, hogs all the rain and sunshine, and blocks ponies from buying your carrots!

Carrot Top blinked, as Trixie trotted around to the other side of her. “This way,” Trixie observed, “you won’t need a tax break. You’ll be able to make enough bits during the festival to stay on your own four hooves. You won’t need anypony’s help!”

Ditzy: Well….

Doctor: I really don’t think it will be that simple.

The earth pony blinked a few times, thinking deeply about what Trixie was saying. “I don’t want to antagonize the Apples, though…”

Trixie blinked a few times, then shrugged. “Fine,” she proclaimed. “Let them trot all over you. But you can forget the tax extension.”

Ditzy: That’s just playing mean.

Trixie walked around to the other side of her desk, but didn’t break eye contact with Carrot Top. “Even if I could convince Luna to entertain your request, which after this I doubt I could,” she magically waved Blueblood’s letter in the air, “I’m not sure I’d be willing to do so for a pony who’ll just let other ponies have their way with her.”

Ditzy: I think you could have worded that a bit better.

Carrot Top blinked. “Wait, you won’t even send in my petition?” she demanded.

“Why should I?” Trixie asked. “Her Majesty needs to know that a tax extension wouldn’t be wasted on you.”

Doctor: Our hero. Bullying a pony into doing what she wants.

“But – ”

“However, if you do what I said, then I’ll send in the request. But by then you won’t even need it! You’ll have the money you need to pay your taxes from the sales on the Longest Night!”

Doctor: (Trixie) You will be able to afford to eat more than just ramen and carrots everyday!

Carrot Top stared, wide-eyed, at Trixie, who had a grin that wouldn’t leave her face. “I…” the earth pony began to object. “but…the…” Carrot Top continued sputtering for a few moments, before her expression changed from one of shock and betrayal to one of anger. “Fine!” she shouted, with surprising volume given how quiet her normal voice was. “Fine. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but congratulations, your blackmail worked.”

Ditzy:(Trixie) Just as planned.

Trixie beamed. “Good,” she said. “Now go. Go! You’ve got a lot to do and only a day to do it!”

Carrot Top glared at Trixie for only a moment more, before turning around and stomping out of Trixie’s office. The unicorn let her go, and in fact ceased to even look at her as she folded up the letter from Blueblood and tucked it back into her cape’s pocket, then quickly reviewed how to acquire her royal stipend. She was about to spend just about all of it.

Ditzy: She wanted to buy the new Pony Station 3.

Trixie entered the town hall’s auditorium to the sound of ponies arguing.

“No means no means no, Miss Cheerilee!” Rarity’s voice objected

Ditzy: (Rarity) Pink and orange simply do not go together!

as Trixie approached the stage upon which Princess Luna would be making her initial appearance.

Ditzy: Fitting Princess Luna, it was black and had skulls and bats all over the place.

Standing upon it right now was the cream-white unicorn and the magenta earth pony, the two of them glaring daggers at each other.

Doctor: Not even two sentences and we already have the old and new bearers pointlessly bickering with each other.

Ditzy: (Sighs and shakes head) Is this going to be the whole story?

Trixie took a moment to take in craftsmanship, and found it exactly in-keeping with the drawing Rarity had shown Trixie the previous day.

Ditzy: Rarity duh.

Neither of the other ponies noticed Trixie as she approached. “Miss Rarity,” Cheerilee said, “the students worked hard on their art projects – ”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) This swirl in the macaroni noodles shows the meaningless spiral of our everyday lives.

“You’ve said that before – ”

Ditzy: (Rarity) I don’t believe you. I think those foal just phoned them in. This one is just a few black splotches. This will not do.

“I was promised a spot in the festival right there – ” Cheerilee pointed to a point on the wall that would be the first part seen by anypony coming in from backstage

“By the mayor, but she gave me final say on all decorations – ”

Doctor: (Rarity) And by Luna I am going to abuse that power!

“Your own sister has a piece!”

“Yes, and it’s very lovely,” Rarity said with a flick of her mane.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Though the pentagram and pony sacrifice part freaks me out a little.

“Truly, it is, but to even think that the Princess wants to come up on stage and have the first thing she sees be crayon and macaroni and construction paper thrown together by school foals…

Doctor: You could always claim it’s modern art.

oh, Miss Lulamoon!” Trixie winced at the sound of her second name as her fellow unicorn at last noticed her. She saw the Rarity’s eye twitch slightly as she took in Trixie’s appearance.

Doctor: (Rarity) Do you only own one outfit?

“I’m so glad you arrived, I was just finishing with Miss Cheerilee here…”

Trixie nodded to Cheerilee, who returned it, though the grimace didn’t leave her face. “What brings you here?” she asked.

“Oh, you didn’t know? Miss Lulamoon, here, is the Representative of Luna’s Night Court to Ponyville.” Rarity said as Trixie opened her mouth to respond. She closed it, and grimaced. Strike two, Trixie thought, counting the usage of ‘Lulamoon’ as strike one due to having made clear the previous day that she hated the name to Rarity.

Ditzy: ...Did she? I don’t remember that.

“I knew that,” Cheerilee pointed out.

“– And, she is the official Longest Night festival overseer.” Rarity looked Trixie over again. “And darling, I am so glad you’re here. I realize I was perhaps a little…insensitive…yesterday about your…” Rarity waved a hoof over Trixie’s body, indicating her hat and cape. “…ensemble.”

Doctor: (Rarity) I got you a wig, a fake rubber nose, and clown shoes to complete your outfit!

Trixie blinked. She hadn’t been expecting an apology. “Um…that’s alright,” she admitted. “Now, I’m kind of – ”

“So I stayed up all night working on this!” Rarity exclaimed, horn glowing as she grasped something that had been carefully hidden behind the stage’s curtains, withdrawing something long, frilled, and looking distinctly like a dress. It was probably beautiful.

Doctor: Unfortunately, Trixie considered overalls to be the height of fashion.

It had taken Rarity all night. But Trixie didn’t wear dresses, not even to the Grand Galloping Gala.

Doctor: Because?

Ditzy: Is this some sort of ‘real mares don’t wear dresses’ thing?

“Much more fitting, don’t you think?” Rarity asked.

Doctor: (Rarity) And you’re less likely to get rotten fruit thrown at you!

“You can keep the clown suit if you wish, darling, but I simply insist on seeing you in this tomorrow night!”

Ditzy: Yikes. You must be like -100 on the fabulous scale for Rarity to comment about this twice.

Strike. Three.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Touchdown!

Doctor: (Trixie) Checkmate!

Trixie saw, here, an excellent opportunity to get back at Rarity and Luna both.

Doctor: Pettiness my name is Trixie.

She looked at the dress and put on a false smile. “I love it,” she lied.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Put me in a frou-frou dress will you. I’ll show you!

“Though I came here to inspect the decorations, like I said.”

Ditzy: Have you ever thought it might do you some good to get out of that bargain bin magician outfit once and while?

“Oh, of course,” Rarity said, settling back onto her haunches. “Inspect away, darling, but I’m sure you won’t find – ”

Doctor: (Rarity) I was so worried you won’t like it! Darling, I have to show you the twenty other dresses I made for you!

“There’s a problem,” Trixie interrupted.

Rarity sputtered slightly at that. “P-problem?” Rarity demanded.

Ditzy: (Rarity) It’s the tassels isn’t it? I knew in my heart of hearts they didn’t work. This is a disaster! The.worst.possible.thing! The festival is ruined!

Trixie nodded solemnly. “It’s a good thing I was here, too, to overhear what Miss Cheerilee wanted. See, Princess Luna? She adores children. She’s always regretted not having foals of her own, but between running Equestria, raising the sun, lowering the moon, seeing foreign envoys

Ditzy: Playing whatever random game on Steam she bought on sale and still hasn’t gotten around to playing yet.

…there’s just never been enough time.

Doctor: (Trixie) And no, the rumors about me being Luna’s illegitimate daughter are not true!

Not to mention that she’s most active during the night, when foals are asleep.

Ditzy: She works when most ponies are asleep?

Doctor: You have a petition for the Princess? Sorry, but you need to wait until 3 a.m. at the soonest!

So she rarely gets to see any. But she loves them. In fact,” Trixie grinned, “she has an entire room of the royal apartments dedicated to pictures and letters that foals have sent her.”

Doctor: Much to the annoyance of the tenant.

Rarity blinked rapidly at Trixie’s words. “W…well, I see,” the unicorn said, “but I don’t understand what that has to – ”

“Being able to see crayon and macaroni and construction paper made by foals?” Trixie asked. “That would make her night.”

Ditzy: Because Celestia knows a thousand of these would get tiring after awhile.

Most of what Trixie had just said was a lie. Luna did love foals, that much was true,

Doctor: Few politicians love kissing babies as much as Princess Luna.

but everything else had been more-or-less a complete fabrication.

Ditzy: The Princess has been married twice since Trixie has known her and has five foals!

Still, Rarity didn’t need to – and never would – know that.

Doctor: Unless she checked up anything about the princess on the internet.

The white unicorn’s eyes were wide.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Idea! I have a perfect way to combine both into something fabulous!

“So,” Trixie said, smiling, “as festival overseer, I have final say over the decorations. And I say that there’s going to be a spot set aside for Luna to admire the art projects of the foals.”

“But – ”

“End of discussion.” Trixie interrupted, as she turned and trotted off, leaving Rarity and her dress behind.

Doctor: Now that was rude. She went to a lot of trouble to make that dress for you.

She thought she heard an overly dramatic cry of frustration, and couldn’t stop herself from letting out a contented sigh at the sound.

Ditzy: Trixie mysteriously disappeared the next day and was never seen again.

Doctor: If only we were that lucky!

Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 6

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 2

“Trixie?” Cheerilee asked as she caught up with the unicorn outside of the town hall.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Yes, yes, no need to thank me. I was just doing my job as representative.

The blue unicorn ignored her as she focused on her target,

Doctor: (Trixie) You! You were singing Skip to My Lou under your breath! Don’t try to deny it!

a dark blue earth pony mare wearing a brown, hooded winter cloak, though its hood was down at the moment. Trixie was holding up a small bag with magic, and with more magic was levitating ten silver bits into it.

Doctor: (Trixie) Ha! Sucker! And she never even saw it coming!

“Lyra Heartstrings,” Trixie said.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Nope! That’s not me whatsoever! I’m...umm...Glimmer L..ime! That’s it. No Lyra here!

“She’s staying with her parents at 12 Hayseed Lane.

Doctor: (Trixie) Probably living in their basement.

Find her and get her to come to the Representative’s residency at six o’clock.”

Doctor: Taking that she hasn’t been with Trixie all day, it seems like her job is over with.

Ditzy: The Princess really got ripped off.

Doctor: (Luna) I knew using Craigslist was a bad idea!

The mare stared blankly at Trixie. “Do I look like a message runner to you?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Does it look like I care?

In response, Trixie’s magic placed the bag atop the earth pony’s head. “Everypony looks like a message runner when I’m paying them another twenty bits if they do what I ask.”

Ditzy: Not if your name's the Doctor.

Doctor: (Nods)

The mare’s eyes widened a little. She flicked her head, and the bag fell from it, though she caught it in her mouth as it fell.

All: (Clap)

“Fohld,” she said as best she could with a mouth full of cloth and money as she trotted off, joining a couple of stallion friend.

Cheerilee blinked as she came up alongside Trixie, staring at the unicorn. “You could have just asked me,” she remarked.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I could have used that for rent!

“No, you’re going to be busy,” Trixie remarked as she began cantering away from the town hall, towards the Equestrian Royal Bank. “You’ve got that little stand of art projects to set up. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Doctor: (Trixie) An applause won’t be necessary, but feel free if you want to.

Cheerilee’s eyes narrowed. “You know, I wanted that spot. I really did. But I didn’t want to leave Rarity an emotional wreck just to get it.”

Ditzy: Don’t worry. Some time on the fainting couch and she should be as right as rain!

“Please,” Trixie snorted derisively. “She’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point,” Cheerilee objected. “You don’t know how much of a perfectionist Rarity is – ”

Doctor: Ah, you haven’t seen how adaptive she is. She turned curtains and sheets into viable fashion line!

“And interestingly enough,” Trixie said, stopping and glaring at Cheerilee, looking at the earth pony for the first time since she had come outside, “I don’t care, either.

Doctor: (Trixie) Serves her right for suggesting I get into a (bleh) dress!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Cheerilee matched Trixie’s glare. “If it’s anything like what just happened in there,” she said, pointing back to the town hall, “then the festival is going to be ruined.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) It’s a good thing I have a safe house for just such an occasion.

Trixie’s lips curled into a sadistic smile. “Fine by me,” she hissed as she turned away and began walking again.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m fine with ruining lives and hurting ponies if it means I get what I want!

Doctor: (Sighs) Look, I get you want to make Trixie strikingly different from Twilight Sparkle, and give her a redemptive arc, but isn’t this going a bit too far?

Cheerilee stared after her for a few moments, before shaking her head and trotting off towards BonBon’s Confectionarium.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) She’s the new bearer of the Element of Magic? We are so screwed.

Lyra may have been theoretically living with her parents, but Trixie obviously didn’t know the mint green unicorn very well if she honestly thought that she’d be staying with them for a significant portion of any given day.

Ditzy: Screw her parents! She’s getting it on all day, everyday!

Doctor: So I guess Trixie wasted those bit for nothing then.

Ditzy: Must be nice being a Princess’s student. Being able to throw out all that money and not care about it one bit.

Trixie entered the post office and found it in a considerably better state than it had been when she and Lyra had entered yesterday,

Ditzy: Though for some reason all the furniture was standing straight on the side of the wall.

with no mess of fallen shelves and turned-over carts confronting her. Instead,

Ditzy: Ninjas appeared and drew swords at her!

on entering, Trixie found herself staring into the wide, yellow eyes of a unicorn filly sitting behind the counter, where the receptionist was supposed to be.

Doctor: Luna also doesn’t believe in child labor laws.

Ditzy: (Luna) Eight years old is a perfect time to start picking up a trade! Public school is a waste of time that teaches them nothing useful!

“Hello!” the young unicorn exclaimed at Trixie entered, eyes closing and offering a bright grin.

Trixie froze as she stared at the filly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I know nothing about foals! If I don’t move, maybe it will lose interest and go away!

She looked like nothing so much as a miniature, wingless, horned version of Ditzy Doo.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It’s another one of the Doctor’s crazy science accidents. Hey, at least I didn’t change species this time!

Doctor: Ha. Somehow I knew you would bring that up.

The filly was even wearing a mail pony’s cap, though it was too large for her head. Despite her ebon-hued mood, Trixie couldn’t help but feel her heart swell slightly at the sight,

Doctor: Trixie’s small heart grew 1.5 sizes that day.

most likely because her brain was failing, at the moment, to fully process what she was seeing.

Ditzy: You cannot grasp the true form of this filly’s cuteness.

Doctor: A true lovecraftian horror of cuteness.

“How can I help you?” the filly asked. Her hat almost slid off her head, but the filly stopped it with one hoof and forced it back into place.

Doctor: (Filly) Can you believe it? They won’t buy me a cap my size! Those cheap jerks! They tell me “Don’t worry about, you’ll grow into it!” What a load! Do they have any idea how annoying it is to wear a hat four sizes too big?!

Trixie blinked. “Uh,” she managed, before her brain settled into a comfortable autopilot. “I need to express deliver this letter.” Her horn glowed as she telekinetically withdrew an envelope from her cape and holding it aloft. “Same-day delivery to Cloudsdale.”

Ditzy: (Filly) Yeah, and I want to come home to a husband that won’t constantly cheat on me with younger mares. Get in line!

The filly frowned a little, closing her eyes tightly. Small sparks sprang from her horn, and a faint lavender aura wrapped itself around Trixie’s letter. Trixie relinquished her grip on it, and the envelope haltingly made its way over to the filly, though she nearly lost her grip a few times.

Doctor: Trixie turned red at the unmentionable curses the filly was spewing out in frustration.

At length, it settled down in front of her, and the filly opened her eyes again, panting heavily as she looked at the package.

Ditzy: (Filly) Hey! What are you trying to pull here? Ya think I’m blind or something! It’s 40 bits extra for packages!

“Okay…” she breathed. “Okay. Um…to Cloudsdale? Same day? That’s…” the filly’s nose scrunched slightly as she looked over a chart in front of her, and tapped out a rhythm with her front hooves to aid with basic arithmetic. “Twenty bits!”

“Twenty-two,” a voice whispered from under the counter.

Ditzy: (Filly) Thanks Bing Bong!

“Twenty-two bits!” the filly corrected herself.

Doctor: (Filly) Forgot to calculate sales tax again.

Trixie managed to last a few more moments before coming right up to the counter, peering over it.

Ditzy: Sure she wasn’t hearing voices and going crazy.

Sure enough, sitting on her stomach on the other side was a gray-coated pegasus, hat missing but otherwise in uniform and keeping one eye on the filly, while the other had previously wandered towards the ceiling but was now looking at Trixie.

“Hi,” Ditzy Doo said.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Don’t mind me. I’m just going for the high score on Angry Pegasai. .

“Hi,” Trixie returned. After several moments of silence, she stepped back from the counter, and looked to the filly again.

Doctor: No questions why she’s under there?

“Twenty-two?” she asked. The filly nodded, and Trixie removed the bits from her moneybag. Like any good sales pony, the filly began counting them out, as Trixie once more looked over the counter.

Ditzy: (Filly) You’re three bits short.

Doctor: (Trixie) Darn it, I didn’t think you would actually count the amount.

“Little sister?” she asked the mare ‘hiding’ there.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Actually, she’s a failed clone created by the Daleks to replace me in a plot to get at the Doctor.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wha?

Doctor: (Ditzy)(Shrugs) Stranger things have happened.

Ditzy Doo shook her head. “Dinky Daisy Doo’s my daughter,” she explained.

Ditzy: Woah woah woah! I am way too young to have a daughter that age or even have a daughter!

Doctor: You could be older in this universe.

Ditzy: Yeah, but I’m still too young!

“I’m my momma’s muffin!” Dinky Daisy Doo exclaimed happily as she closed her eyes again, using her nascent telekinesis to move the bits into a cash drawer behind the desk.

Doctor: Pocketing one for candy money.

It was slow going, giving Trixie plenty of time to take in the little filly and compare her apparent age to that of the mare who was her mother.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Oh I know I don’t look it, but I’m actually 31 years old!

The pegasus didn’t look like she was much older than Trixie, and for Dinky Daisy to be as old as she looked,

Doctor: Which is?

Ditzy: (Author) Eh, I figure out their timeline later.

Ditzy Doo would have had to of given birth to the filly when she was younger than Trixie was now.

Ditzy: I do not like these implications one bit! Maybe we are better off not knowing.

It did, at least, explain the maternal authority that she had brought to bear against her and Rainbow Dash yesterday.

Doctor: The instincts to avoid being punished by your mum runs deep.

“Why is she here?” Trixie asked.

Doctor: And why are you under the counter?

“No school today,” Ditzy Doo explained, “so she’s helping me out. First she helped with my morning rounds – ”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) And I don’t have to pay her anything!

“That was fun!” Dinky Daisy Doo interrupted. “But a lot of walking…”

Doctor: (Daisy) And getting attacked by dogs wasn’t fun....

“ – and now she’s helping out around the office. Mail mare for a day!”

Doctor: (Ditzy) And I don’t have to do anything! Nap time!

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It’s ‘Make your foal do your job’ day!

“Yay!” Dinky Daisy exclaimed, as she finished putting away the silver bits and began using her telekinesis to lift Trixie’s letter once more. Unfortunately, she tried too hard, and the envelope began crumpling up.

Ditzy:Then it burst into flames then suddenly turned into a dove and flew away.

“Ah!” the unicorn exclaimed, lavender aura instantly dropping from the letter. It fell to the desk as Ditzy Doo stood and Dinky Daisy Doo stared in horror. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought I had it but then I grabbed it too hard and I only started doing tele-connectics a few weeks ago and sometimes it’s really hard but sometimes I grab things harder than I mean to and this is just like the cup I broke but I didn’t mean to – ”

Doctor: (Daisy) And, um, some pieces might have flown in mommy’s muffin batter. It’s a good thing it was only for those peanut butter, hay, and pumpernickel seed ones that nopony in their right mind would eat.

Trixie held up a hoof even as Ditzy Doo placed a reassuring one on her daughter’s back. Trixie’s horn glowed, and the letter instantly began to smooth itself out. The creases remained, but the letter was flat once more. “There we go,” Trixie reassured the filly, “good as new.”

Dinky Daisy sniffed a little, but nodded and smiled, at least until she noticed her mother eyeing her.

“Cup?” Ditzy Doo asked.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It wasn’t the floral one that was a priceless family heirloom was it?

Doctor: (Daisy) Well, I, um.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I’m kidding. I got that at a flea market a few years ago.

Dinky Daisy offered a guilty laugh, rubbing behind her head with a hoof. “Um,” she explained.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Ditzy Doo promised as she looked over Trixie’s letter to Cloudsdale. Her eyes widened a little. “A weather-for-hire service?” she asked.

Ditzy: And here I thought you couldn’t sink any lower Trixie. I was wrong.

Doctor: Weather-for-hire?

Ditzy: They’re a bunch of jerks that get in the way of ponies that actually know what they are doing! What do they know about weather and subtleties of an ecosystem?!

Doctor: I can already tell this is going to get ugly.

Trixie decided not to wonder how the pegasus knew where the letter was going from nothing more than a cloud address.

Doctor: More postpony sorcery!

“Yes,” she confirmed. “That Everfree storm is getting worse from the looks of things, and the weather patrol told me yesterday that they’re going to be completely at a loss without their captain.

Doctor: Ms. Dash isn’t actually gone.

Ditzy: Is she really just going to abandon her job the entire time?

So, weather-for-hire. A dozen pegasi ought to equal one Rainbow Dash, right?”

Doctor: Well let’s see, rounding up two decimal points, twelve pegasi equal 1.39 Rainbow Dashes.

Ditzy Doo made a face at that. “Raindrops isn’t going to like that.”

“Why not?” Trixie asked. “She’s the one who was complaining about the storm and not having Rainbow Dash. Besides, it’s not her decision. It’s Cloud Kicker’s.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And she’s too interested in teasing Blossomforth and banging to care!

Doctor: And you know this how exactly?

Ditzy Doo stuck out her tongue at that. “Cloud Kicker just goes along with anything Rainbow Dash tells her to do.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Cloud Kicker jump off this cliff and no flying to avoid hitting the ground.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) Ok! Weee!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Dang, I never thought she would actually do it...

Raindrops is the pony who actually keep the patrol together during bad times.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Especially during the odd alien invasion!

She completely, honestly loves her job…and she hates weather-for-hire services.”

Ditzy: I like this Raindrops! She’s the best character in the fic!

This wasn’t precisely news for Trixie. Even from her brief interaction with Raindrops, she felt she had a pretty good bead on the pony’s personality. In point of fact, to an extent, she was counting on it. “Well, she’s just going to have to pony up and deal with it,” Trixie retorted, drawing a glare from Ditzy Doo. Trixie didn’t relent. “Princess Luna is coming tomorrow. Those skies have to be clear for the festival, and if Rainbow Dash isn’t going to lead her team like she should and the pony who is supposed to lead the team isn’t going to be of any use, then as festival overseer it’s my job to get outside help to make things run smoothly.”

Ditzy: So, why don’t you just appeal to the Weather Control Office? They would send somepony in a jiffy to handle this mess. Then you won’t have to consort with (bleh) weather-for-hire ponies!

Doctor: Are they really so bad?

Ditzy: Oh, you’ll see.

“I think it’s a bit more likely that Raindrops will start a fight with the weather-for-hire ponies.”

All: Mortal Kombat! (Hum Mortal Kombat theme)

Trixie managed to conceal both her grin and a response of I hope so.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Maybe I should distribute weapons to make this more interesting!

Trixie was either going to fix this Longest Night festival or completely ruin it for everypony,

Doctor: It was Trixie’s policy that if she can’t be happy, no one can.

and at the moment she was finding it hard to care which happened,

Doctor: Why not? It wasn’t like her future was on the line or anything.

even with two hopeful participants in front of her. “We’ll just have to risk that,” she said instead, then looked down to Dinky Daisy Doo. “So I need this letter to be sent as fast as possible, okay?”

“Okay!” the filly exclaimed,

Doctor: (Daisy) Time to test my new rocket powered skateboard.

taking it in her mouth – apparently she wasn’t trusting her telekinesis at the moment despite Trixie’s re-assurances – and scampering off through a door, out of sight.

Ditzy: Doctor, do you think that filly was a little too cute?

Doctor: Maybe, why do you ask?

Ditzy: Beep the Meep has put me guard on somepony that cute.

Doctor: I’m sure she’s just a normal filly. The author was just trying too hard to make her lovable.

Ditzy: You’re probably right.

“Leeroy Wingkins is doing the express today,”

Doctor: Cute.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Oh, and you may have to pay for any property damage he causes while delivering your package.

Ditzy Doo explained as she watched her daughter go with one eye. “It’ll be in Cloudsdale in no time.” She turned to look at Trixie again. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“‘Course I do,” Trixie lied – sort-of – as Dinky Daisy Doo came back and got back up on the box that had allowed her to be at the desk. She looked to the filly, and found herself unable to resist doing something memorable – like Luna, she loved foals.

Doctor: Really? You wouldn’t think that looking at her.

Ditzy: Doesn’t she hate joy and happiness?

The blue unicorn reached over and rubbed the filly on her head, nearly knocking her hat off and tossing her mane. “And thank-you, Dinky Daisy Doo.”

“Hey!” Dinky Daisy objected, though she giggled a little too. “Stop that!”

“Okay, okay,” Trixie relented. “It’s just that there’s something caught in your hair, under your hat.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s a snake!

Dinky Daisy blinked a few times, then took off the cap and checked her head – and found a silver bit falling out. She – impressively for her age – caught it with telekinesis, eyes wide as she looked at Trixie,

Doctor: (Daisy) I can use this to invest in the stock market! The DOE is down and this is the perfect time to buy!

to her hat, which she hadn’t noticed leaving her head at any point. “How’d you do that?” the young unicorn demanded.

“Magic,” Trixie responded.

“But your horn wasn’t glowing!”

“That’s why it was magic,” Trixie responded knowingly,

Doctor: That was memorable?

Ditzy: Oh come on. That was the oldest trick in the book. My uncle did it all the time!

turning around and trotting from the post office in a slightly better mood than when she had entered. Seeing the sun’s descent across the sky, however, towards the horizon, turned her thoughts dark again.

Ditzy: Night already? That was quick.

It served as a potent reminder of how little time remained before the Longest Night festival began tomorrow – and how Luna had exiled Trixie to Ponyville, though not before setting her up with a no-win scenario.

Doctor: (Trixie) I don't believe in the no-win scenario.

Regardless of whether the result of the day was a saved or ruined festival, though, Trixie still had work to do. Grunting, she set off for her residency.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Phew I’m beat. Time for bed.

“So, Lulamoon – ” Lyra began. Trixie’s glare at the name could have frozen the sun from its coldness. “We’re back to wanting Trixie, then,” the unicorn observed.

“Back?” Trixie demanded.

Ditzy: (Lyra) While you were drunk you legally changed your name to just Lulamoon.

“Last night. You insisted I call you Lulamoon. You might have been slightly very drunk.” She paused a moment as she considered. “About half of everything you said was in Prench too, I think.”

Doctor: (Lyra) For some reason you only peppered you speech with it instead of talking fluently in it. It sounded like you took Prench phrases from a dictionary to sound cool.

Trixie stared a few moments, before letting out a groan. “No it wasn’t,” she objected hopefully.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It was...um...Japonese! Lyra-san! NAN DESU KAN? Domo Kawaii arigatou Mr. Roboto!

“It was,” Lyra responded, nodding sadly. “Also fell back into what I can only guess is a Neigh Orleans accent. And you called me and BonBon cute.”

“BonBon?”

“My mare-friend. I’d feel threatened, but again: drunk,

Doctor: (Lyra) Try anything to my marefriend sober and you will be found in an alley in pieces.

and you’re not her type anyway.

Ditzy: Right. She’s into lazyjerks.

Plus you thought everypony was cute at the time, even yourself.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Because Luna knows you have a face only a mother could love.

She leaned forward. “But in purple, you’re stunning. Apparently.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) You couldn’t be more wrong.

“Never again,” Trixie swore as she regarded her purple, star-studded cape.

Ditzu: (Trixie) I knew I should have gone with polkadots.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Doctor: True, considering she’s in the negative scale of fabulousness.

“Meh,” Trixie objected.

Ditzy: Oh hey! That’s my review of this fic!

The two were sitting in Trixie’s office, Trixie behind her desk. She had just, in fact, poured herself a glass of something amber-colored to see if it could steady her nerves or at least brighten her mood,

Ditzy: Trixie, you really need to stop drinking any random thing you find in a bottle.

but after Lyra’s revelations she was thinking water would do just fine.

Doctor: Ah, being called Lulamoon was more of an incentive not to drink than some nasty hangover.

The blue unicorn began pouring her drink back into its bottle as she eyed her mint-green counterpart.

Doctor: Unfortunately causing half of the glass’s contents to fall on the desk.

“Anyway. Lyra. First, I want to thank you for showing me around most of Ponyville, and leaving me in capable hooves before ditching me.

Ditzy: And when she says capable, she means ‘actually competent’.

Which I’m not mad about, I swear.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And most certainly won’t have words with the Princess about this.

“No problem.”

Ditzy: I suppose we have to forgive her. Lyra intends to make up that time she was gone from Bon-Bon all at once.

“Which brings me right to why I just paid some random pony thirty bits to get you here. I need your help.”

Lyra grimaced slightly. “Cheerilee warned me about that. Said you were wandering around town today basically on the warpath.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Roaring while shooting lasers out of your eyes.

Conning Carrot Top into opening a stall on the Longest Night, making Rarity freak out about her decorations, ordering weather-for-hire ponies and using up just about your entire monthly stipend on them…” Lyra blinked a few times.

“What are you going to eat, anyway, for the next month?”

Trixie shrugged. “I dunno. I’ll think of something.

Ditzy: What? You just spend you’re entire allowance every month and have nothing saved up?

Doctor: I guess her unique taste in food can’t be cheap.

But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that Fluttershy is refusing to do the music,

Ditzy: (Sighs) So I bet we aren’t going to have Fluttershy steel her nerves and do the music.

Doctor: No, that would detract from how awesome Lyra supposively is.

so since you’re a musician – ”

Lyra’s eyes widened a little as she realized what Trixie that going to ask. “No,” she intoned.

Ditzy: Yeah, get somepony that actually is trained for this sort of thing.

“Is that a ‘no, I’m not going to do it,’ or a ‘no way, I can’t believe it?’” Trixie asked with a smile on her face, sure of the answer.

“No, I’m not going to do it,” Lyra responded evenly.

Doctor: Next scene. (Lyra) Stupid Trixie! How was ever able to talk me into this?!

Trixie’s smile dropped. That was not the answer she had been expecting. “What?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Perhaps I misheard you. What was that again?

“The festival is tomorrow night. I’d need more time to prepare. A set list at least – ”

Doctor: Improvise.

“Just play the anthem!”

“For the raising of the moon, sure, but what about the rest of the night? And besides, I’m spending the night with BonBon.”

Ditzy: Celestia! Is that all you care about?

Doctor: Family, responsibilities? Whatever, she needs snu-snu!

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure that’s not the right term Doctor.

Doctor: Really?

Lyra matched Trixie’s hard stare without effort. The two unicorns were silent for some time, before Trixie whickered in annoyance, trotting around from behind her desk and horn glowing as she took a letter from her cape’s pocket – the letter from the former Baron Duke Blueblood, which she shoved in front of the mint green unicorn. “This is where I am, Lyra,” Trixie intoned after giving her a few moments to read.

Doctor: (Lyra) Doesn’t seem so bad to me. You get a sweet stipend every month and nopony expects anything from you.

“I have one chance, one, maybe, of getting back in Luna’s good graces, and that’s saving everything from going straight into the sun!”

Ditzy: Would raising the moon in silence really be so bad?

Lyra shook her mane. “If that’s true,” she asked, “then why does it seem like you’re trying to ruin everything? You’re going to start a fight between the Apple clan and poor Carrot Top – ”

Ditzy: In an epic food fight war that will engulf the entirety of Ponyville.

“Not just her!” Trixie objected quickly, sliding the letter back into her cape’s pocket. “I’ve actually arranged for a few other stalls, too,

Doctor: (Trixie) One is selling my favorite! Rice and bananas covered in whip cream and chocolate chips!

spent most of the afternoon. But there won’t be a fight because they’re not selling on festival grounds.”

“That’s semantics and you know it. You think the Apples will care?”

“Of course they’ll care! But they can’t do anything about it.

Doctor: Well...I don’t know about that. They could block anyone from entering the festival ground if they try to come in with outside food.

And it’ll give Luna more to eat than just apples.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And I don’t care about the possible fallout this might cause for participating farmers.

“And leaving Rarity as an emotional wreck?” Lyra asked.

Ditzy: Of for...she’s not going to be an emotional wreck! She’ll be just fine really! And how many times do you have to state this?!

Doctor: Half of this story is just repeating the same things over and over again.

“She’s still at the town hall, you know. She’ll probably be working her hooves off until right before the festival’s to begin, and it looked great and you know it. But now the decorations will probably end up looking like they were done by a school filly.

Doctor: No, that’s just the new theme.

And weather-for-hire ponies? You’ll be lucky if the weather patrol doesn’t break in here and kill you in your sleep.”

Doctor: Don’t get our hopes up please.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Raindrops herself said that she couldn’t promise anything. If that storm over the Everfree is as bad as she said it was going to be, can I be blamed for wanting to hedge my bets?”

Ditzy: I prefer to furn my bets instead.

Lyra sighed, conceding the point. “It’s going to end poorly, that’s all,” she promised.

Ditzy: And that isn’t counting on Celestia’s return… wait. What was her evil name again?

Doctor: Corona.

Ditzy: Oh right. Corona’s return!

“And you want to add me to all this?”

Doctor: (Lyra) I would rather not be lynched by a mob thank you so much.

Trixie shrugged. “Know any other musicians living in Ponyville? Ones that are good enough to play for the princess herself?”

Ditzy: Well, there is DJ Pon-3 of course, and I am honestly surprised you didn’t just go with her, Octavia, Bluenote, Meadow Song, Fiddlesticks, and the Pony Tones! Wait, did they exist back then? I forget.

Doctor: And Marealyn Mansion. Luna would adore that.

Ditzy: That would be awesome! Anyway, you have way better options than somepony out of music school!

The unicorn took a step forward. She was playing her entire hoof here, faster than she normally would, but if that was what it took… “If you do, for the love of the stars tell me now. Otherwise, I’ve heard you play that harp – ”

All: Lyre.

“Lyre,” Lyra interrupted, with the same kind of force that Trixie put behind her demands about her name.

“ – lyre, sorry, that lyre of yours, and you’re good.

Ditzy: (Trixie) And think of all the record deals you will get! Publishing companies will trip over their hooves trying to get to you!

And you’ve just graduated from the magic school so I’m guessing you know a lot of spells to enhance your playing.

Doctor: In other words, trick people into thinking it sounds good.

Imagine how that must look on a music résumé.”

“Music résumé?” Lyra asked, one brow raised. “You have no idea how being a musician works, do you?”

“I know that ponies with more consistent jobs would never pass up an opportunity like this.”

Doctor: (Trixie) After all, you survive off of coins thrown in a hat when you play on the side of the street right?

Lyra’s brow arched higher. “More consistent jobs?” She echoed. “You don’t think very much of me, do you?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Do you really want me to answer that?

Trixie blinked a few times. “No! Wait…yes. No – whatever! I think you’re just fine. I just…well, it’s just that you’ll be totally depending on the…goodwill of ponies for an income.”

“Goodwill here being synonymous with charity,” Lyra growled.

Doctor: (Trixie) Come on! We both know you will end up on the street with a sign saying ‘Will play for food’.

“No!” Trixie objected, stomping a hoof on the wooden floor. “Look, the point is, you’re just out of the magic school on a music scholarship and your first job would be playing for Princess Luna!”

Doctor: (Trixie) And if you fail, well that gives everypony a good laugh. I’m sure you will have the Princess in stitches.

Lyra’s glare didn’t drop for several moments, but eventually she did look away, tapping a hoof to her chin in thought. Trixie was silent, though she shuffled from hoof to hoof in anticipation. At length, Lyra looked back to her. “The national anthem only,” she acquiesced. “And only for raising the moon.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That’s it?

Ditzy: You might as well get me with the musical saw!

Trixie blinked. “What about midnight, or the drawing down of the – ”

Lyra stood up and turned for the door. “See you tomorrow night, Trixie.”

Doctor: Ah, you aren’t exactly going out of your way to make this something special I see.

Ditzy: Lyra, you are so lame.

“Wait wait wait!” Trixie objected, dashing forward and in front of Lyra. “Okay. Fine. Just the moon – and the stringing up of the stars. They’re part and parcel, you can’t do one without the other. It’ll be all of five minutes.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Five minutes! What a chore!

Lyra waited a moment, before nodding her head once. “Deal,” she agreed,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh, and for Luna’s sake don’t wear that ugly hat.

and watched Trixie let out a sigh of relief.

Ditzy: With bargaining skills like that she won’t last five minutes in the Ponyville market.

After a moment, Lyra leaned in. “But only because this really is a once-in-a-lifetime gig.

Ditzy: So why not really apply yourself to this job?

I don’t like you basically calling me a jobless bum.”

Doctor: You can’t deny that you are jobless.

Ditzy: And the bum part might be questionably true.

She didn’t wait for Trixie to apologize before pushing past the unicorn, heading for the residency’s door.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Bon-Bon’s bed must already be getting cold. Time to go change that.

Trixie let her go. Had Lyra waited around, Trixie was certain she would have apologized – or said the words, anyway. Her heart would hardly be behind it, as after all she did end up with what she wanted.

Ditzy: I still think you should have gone with DJ Pon-3. She would have made this a rocking party!

Instead, Trixie trotted back to her desk, running over a mental list. Catering – saved, at least to her own satisfaction. She had just enough bits left for a decent meal tomorrow.

Doctor: Then pinecones and grass for weeks.

Music – saved, the most important part, anyway. Weather – still iffy, but at least the matter was now in hoof, if volatile; Raindrops seemed far too professional to do anything more than complain about the weather-for-hire ponies. Decorations – well, admittedly, Trixie had possibly ruined them, but if that was the case it was so worth it to get back at Rarity for the dress and her shallow behavior.

Ditzy: Oh for…(sighs) You're absolute right Trixie. If only we could all be as stylish, interesting, and thoughtful as you are.

Speaking of getting back, Trixie still had one particular pony she needed to lash out at. Trixie was certain that come tomorrow, Luna would see that Trixie was capable of bringing a festival back from the brink of disaster, that she was more than ready to handle the more demanding responsibilities of the Night Court and to finally put both her sociological studies and her magical knowledge to practical use.

All: ....(Burst out laughing)

So the final step, then, was to show Luna how Trixie would waste that talent

Doctor: By growing fat and spending most of her time in front of a TV.

and all the long years of teaching that the shepherd of the moon had invested in her - if the princess really did intend to simply dump Trixie in Ponyville like so much trash.

Doctor: And she was not biodegradable.

Ditzy: Please remember to recycle your Trixie Lulamoon and throw her in the right bin.

Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 7

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 3

The remainder of the day passed without incident, as did the night and at least the first part of the following day. Carrot Top arrived with her cart early in the morning, before any of the Apple clan showed up, as did the other produce sellers of Ponyville that Trixie had,

Doctor: Knowing the Apples, that would be about, oh, 2 or 3 in the mourning.

Ditzy: Except Rose who refused to wake up earlier than 6.

Doctor: And good on her.

by hook and crook, been able to drag into her scheme.

Doctor: (Trixie) Do a booth for the festival or I will… tear open this mint condition, never opened out of the box Pony Trek doll!

Ditzy: (Pony) You monster! And it’s an action figure! Not a doll!

None of them seemed particularly confident, but Trixie managed to re-assure all of them in various ways –

Ditzy: Like saying that the Princess would actually create anti-trust laws if they tried anything!

mostly, helped out by random ponies passing by, who seemed confused as to what was happening but, when Trixie explained her intentions, at least put on a show of being happy to have more than just apples to eat tonight.

Ditzy: Some ponies actually cried.

Doctor: (Pony) I’ve been eating nothing but apples on this day for 88 years! You’ve made a dream of mine finally come true! Deep fried strawberries here I come!

The arrival of the Apple clan’s veritable armada of stalls, at around three o’clock,

Ditzy: Scratch that, they came at one or two in the morning.

Doctor: I hope they brought a lot of coffee.

was where the problems began, although for the rest of her days Trixie would treasure her memory of the look on Applejack’s face.

Ditzy: AJ’s pure delight on seeing chocolate bananas. Her favorite!

“What in tarnatation am Ah lookin’ at here?” the orange earth pony demanded as she stomped up to Trixie’s home.

Doctor: (Applejack) This here garden gnome. Why is it standing up on two legs and ain’t got hooves?

Trixie paused a moment as she chewed thoughtfully, looking to the ensemble she had in her telekinetic grasp. “Well,” she said, “first I started with a few carrots, which I diced up and mixed with butter, or I meant to anyway but I was out,

Ditzy: (Trixie) So I used peanut butter which I figured would be just as good.

but there was still some cheese, and what they hay, it’s all dairy anyway, right? So then – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) Then I realized that using Cheese Whiz was a terrible idea.

If looks could have killed, then Applejack’s glare would have depopulated the entire region.

Ditzy: (Trixie)(gulps) M-maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...

“Oh, you mean the food stalls,” Trixie interrupted herself, glancing behind her. “Well, I thought over our conversation from a few days ago, and I thought to myself, hey, I’ve known Princess Luna for a decade now, and I know what she likes to eat and what she doesn’t,

Doctor: (Applejack) And chocolate covered grasshoppers are it?

Ditzy: (Trixie) Well...no...but she doesn’t know what she’s missing!

and I know for a fact that if she doesn’t have anything but apples to look forward to, she’ll probably go crazy and let Discord loose or something.”

Ditzy: Little did Trixie know that the Princess was on a diet and didn’t plan on eating much.

Applejack’s glare managed to grow deadly enough to wipe out all of Equestria and a good portion of the surrounding nations as well.

Ditzy: (Applejack) That is the stupidest thing ah have ever heard in mah entire life!

“Ah thought we were on the same page here,” she intoned. “Ah thought y’all understood just how much mah family depends upon the sales from tonight.”

Doctor: The Apple Trust looks prosperous, but a few bad harvests, decisions, and investments have hurt the company so bad it can barely keep afloat.

Trixie nodded. “Yeah, but then I thought how much they,” Trixie jerked a hook behind her, at the vendors who were trying their hardest to look any direction but towards Applejack, “need the bits as well.”

Ditzy: (Applejack) Ah shoot. I ain’t never thought of it that way before. Ya’ll opened by eyes ta something that been right in front of me the whole time!

“But they weren’t expectin’ none!” Applejack exclaimed. “They get by just fine every year all the same!

Ditzy: I’m glad to see that she’s so knowledgeable and thoughtful about Ponyville’s farm community!

Doctor: Apparently having no honesty means she completely deluded.

This ain’t nothin’ but tramplin’ all over centuries of Ponyville tradition – ”

Ditzy: So… it is actually is centuries years old. Weird.

Doctor: (Applejack) And no, old Wheat Grass’s farm going out of business ain’t our fault! And now he’s got ah job at S-Mart and is perfectly happy now and everything!

Trixie pulled out one of her most unpleasant smirks.

Doctor: It made her look like a slasher killer.

“Applejack,” she intoned, “are you worried that you can’t compete?”

Ditzy: Um, why aren’t you mentioning Carrot Top’s bad situation? That might persuade her.

The orange pony backed up several steps as though Trixie had struck her. “What?” she demanded. “Mah apples, mah family’s apples, are the best in Equestria! Mah family’s recipies are the best!”

“But do we really know that?” Trixie asked, as she tapped her two front hooves together.

Doctor: (Applejack) Mah Granny’s recipe fur Zap Apple Pie has been voted number one pie recipe in Equestrian Food magazine fur 10 years straight!

“Every year you get the three biggest holidays all to yourselves.

Doctor: And the rest of the community really just goes along with this? For centuries?

Must be comfortable up on that throne you’ve built from apple cores.

Ditzy:(Applejack) What? That’s just plain gross!

Must be a scary thought of having to actually fight for your business – ”

Ditzy: (Applejack) Only complete numbskulls do that. It’s the Apple way to use every dirty trick in the book to get what we want!

Applejack’s glare returned with a force that could have knocked the sun and moon from orbit.

Ditzy: Sadly, it didn’t. So here’s more Longest Night, Longest Day!

“Ah think you may want to stop talkin’ now,” she said – ordered – in a low voice.

Ditzy: Uh, you better not push her too far Trixie. AJ could liquify your face in a second!

Trixie obeyed, but her grin was loquacious to a fault.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Another thesaurus word. What does it mean Doctor?

Doctor: Talkative.

After a few moments of regarding it, Applejack trotted up to Trixie, her face getting very, very close to the unicorn’s own.

Ditzy: Making Trixie really uncomfortable.

“Ah don’t know what y’all are playin’ at,” she said, then looked past Trixie, at the other farmers. “Any of y’all! But it looks like you want a fight. And Luna as my witness Ah’m willin’ to oblige.”

Ditzy: Fighting is Magic.

“Excellent,” Trixie responded, stepping back a few paces,

Doctor: Trixie didn’t want to encourage the shippers.

Ditzy: Too late, somepony edited this scene into her kissing Applejack!

but only so that she could wave her hooves in a shooing manner.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pfft, she’s just a farmer. What could she possibly do to me?

“Now trot off, ‘cause I have a lot of – ”

“I am going to murder you!” an almost impossibly loud voice shouted from straight above, reaching and maybe even surpassing volumes that Trixie had previously thought only Princess Luna capable of.

Doctor: You haven’t seen Pinkie in one of her more excitable moods.

Trixie and Applejack both looked up to find a small, jet-black cloud hovering directly overhead, cackling with barely contained lightning. Standing atop it, panting heavily with wings spread wide in threat, was a jasmine-coated pegasus.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Do you know what happens to a unicorn when it's struck by lightning?The same thing that happens to everything else.

Raindrops leapt from her cloud, landing with a thud next to Applejack. She briefly turned to look at the earth pony. “Hi,” she said.

Doctor: (Raindrops) Do you want a piece of her before I do the deed?

“Howdy,” Applejack returned, tipping her hat.

“You might want to stand back.”

Ditzy: Good idea, she might get blood on AJ’s favorite hat!

Applejack glanced at the miniature thundercloud overhead. “Ah reckon Ah might do just that,” she said, cantering away and to her clan. She kept an eye over her shoulder, however – locked on Trixie. The mare had the distinct sense that Applejack was trying to preserve the look currently plastered on Trixie’s face so that she could treasure it for the rest of her days.

Ditzy: For the rest of her life, Applejack went to bed peacefully and contentedly recalling Trixie’s death screams that morning.

Raindrops’ attention was turned once more to Trixie, and she took a single step forward, though with enough force to actually crack one of the cobbled stones beneath her hooves. Trixie blinked at that. She had expecting Raindrops to be angry. She had not been expecting a pony who could break stone with her hooves – her bare hooves,

Ditzy: A pony that can break stone with her bare hooves? Get out of town!

Doctor: You should see the things Ditzy can do with her flank!

Ditzy: Oh, you just had to bring that up!

as it seemed that Raindrops, like most pegasi, went without shoes.

Ditzy: Right! This would make way more sense if Raindrops was wearing high heels!

“Weather-for-hire ponies.” Raindrops said, her voice now frighteningly calm. “I got up and brushed my mane and went to work this morning and I found a dozen of those reprobates swarming my weather patrol station!”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) And eating all the donuts Silverstorm brought to work this morning and I didn’t get a single one!

“It’s not really your – ”

“Don’t care!” Raindrops exclaimed, taking another step forward. “Now as it turns out I happened to recognize one of them. Oh yes. I recognized him – and he’s their leader, mind, of that group of…of…” words failed her for a moment before she could resume.

Doctor: Scallywags?

Ditzy: Buffoons?

“He was kicked out of flight school. Not flunked out. Not dropped out. Kicked out. Do you know why, Trixie? Ask me why he was.” Trixie didn’t. Raindrops once again stamped a hoof and broke stone beneath her. “Ask me why, Trixie!”

Doctor: An inappropriate relationship with one of his teachers?

Ditzy: Copy and pasting answers on his assignments from the internet?

“Why?” the unicorn asked, in a small voice.

“It doesn’t matter why!

Doctor: No, I’m pretty sure it does.

Ditzy: We are never going to get an answer are we?

Pegasi? We’re pretty rowdy as yearlings

Ditzy: (Blinks) That’s news to me!

and in Cloudsdale that’s always taken into account so the kinds of things that would get somepony expelled from school down here would probably just get you a detention in Cloudsdale.

Doctor: You should have seen the type of trouble Fluttershy got into back in the day!

Ditzy: With Pegasi, murder only gets you detention!

So for him to do something so bad it got him kicked out? It’s a miracle he has any job at all,

Doctor: And maybe he should be in prison.

and it’s a sin that his job is leading a weather-for-hire team! So, Trixie, I’m going to murder you. Then I’m going to murder him. And I am going to enjoy it.”

Doctor: I’m betting Raindrops, in the Conservatory, with the wrench.

Ditzy: Nah, it’s going to be Raindrops, in the Hall, with the revolver!

“I didn’t know!” Trixie objected. She gathered a modicum of courage, stepping forward. “You’re the one who told me ‘no promises’ about that storm!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And I didn’t want to get killed by a freak snow-rain-wind-thunder-lightning-ice-and-acid storm! ...It could happen!

Raindrops didn’t budge an inch. “So you don’t trust us to do our jobs? You think this is the first major storm to roll out of the Everfree? The first time we’ve had to deal with something like this?

Doctor: (Trixie) Yes. Er, I mean...no of course not! Of course I thought of that! I am the princess’s prized student after all!

But no, you have to go and hire a bunch of flight school flunkies – ”

“He has the job,” Trixie interrupted, “he came highly recommended,

Doctor: (Trixie) The internet never lies!

Ditzy: Curse you Yelp!

so whatever happened in flight school it clearly didn’t have anything to do with his weather abilities,

Ditzy: (Trixie) The pony that wrote that five star review said so!

and I spent just about my entire monthly stipend on him and his team!”

Doctor: (Trixie) I will have to go a month without bourbon! There is no way all that booze the duke left me will last that long!

She leaned forward once more. “You’re the one who complained about missing your weather manager, I was just trying to help!”

Doctor: If you call pouring gasoline on a fire help.

Raindrops’ teeth ground together with such force that Trixie was surprised they didn’t crack.

Ditzy: Raindrops proudly goes to the dentist twice a year and drinks her milk!

“One full day,” Trixie said, pressing what little ground she had gained. “Just one day and one night. That’s all they’re hired for. Just to keep the storm from rolling into Ponyville and ruining everything. After that they’re gone.”

The jasmine-coated pegasus leaned forward, right up to Trixie’s ear. “Sleep with an eye open,” she intoned,

Doctor: (Raindrops) I want to you to know and fear your incoming death. I want you to have endless sleepless nights, terrified that this might be the night I come for you. Eventually you will be so broken down and tired of living in fear that you will beg for me to kill you.

before beating her wings, ascending slowly to her thundercloud and carting it off. Trixie watched her go, then let out a huge sigh of relief. From somewhere near the town hall, she heard chuckling that somehow managed to be accented with a country drawl, but chose to ignore it as she turned back to her home. Carrot Top and the other ponies were staring at her.

Doctor: They started betting if Trixie would live past the week.

“What?” she demanded, stomping down the path that lead from the street to her front door. “You have work to do! Get to it!” The last was punctuated by Trixie opening her door, stepping inside, and giving as hard a slam as she could manage.

Ditzy: Causing a nearby vase to fall and break!

Despite being the culmination of two straight days of standing on the surface of the sun, the beginning of the twilight, about two hours later, was almost a relief. By now, the stalls had been set up, and several unicorns were working in concert surrounding the town center to create a bubble of warm air for the multitude of ponies that were even now making their way there. More than a few were surprised by the additional stalls from Carrot Top and the rest – but more than a few were happy to have more than just apples to eat, though the Trust itself was cleaning up nicely regardless.

Doctor: Well, the fact they had a sign that said ‘Eat anything other than apples and you will lose your teeth.’ proved to be very effective.

As the sun began to approach the horizon, the pre-festival spirit was fairly high for most ponies. In addition to the food stalls, there were games of chance and skill, like hoof-throwing balls at a target or bobbing for apples (the latter, surprisingly, having been set up by somepony not related to the Apple clan); there were several open areas where vinyl records were playing music for dancing.

Doctor: Like the macarena.

Trixie was paying attention to none of it.

Ditzy: She was too busy trying to beat the final boss of Bloodborne.

Earlier in the day, she had finally gotten around to seeing the mayor of Ponyville, formally introducing herself, presenting her credentials,

Doctor: That were cleverly forged to not include her last name.

engaging in light and friendly banter that served as a pleasant temporary escape from the last few days,

Ditzy: Until she saw Raindrops in the window doing the cut-throat gesture.

but most importantly of all, rushing through approval for a last-minute performance to be added to the Longest Night’s retinue. Given that the music that was supposed to have been provided by Fluttershy was now largely absent and had to be provided by phonographs,

Ditzy: Actually, Fluttershy got her nerve back and was planning to perform, but she accidently slept in and it was too awkward to come in so late!

it wasn’t hard to arrange an hour-and-a-half break from the sometimes dubious-quality records

Doctor: They were bought off of ebay from a dubious source oversees.

and instead put Trixie’s scheme into full motion.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Today Lyra doing the music, tomorrow the world! Bwahahahaha!

That was for after Luna arrived, however. Right now, Trixie was standing in the crowd of hundreds of ponies inside the town hall – warmer than outside was, even with unicorn magic, albeit stuffier. Through a window, she could see a darkening sky, red and purple and not a cloud in the sky. Ringing the auditorium were Apple clan stands, but more than a few ponies were carrying foodstuffs acquired from outside, from Carrot Top and the others as well. The decorations, despite Lyra’s warnings, looked just fine –

Ditzy: Wait, doesn’t that make all that doom and gloom about Rarity completely pointless.

Doctor: (Nods) A complete waste of time.

not as fine as before,

Ditzy: (Blinks) What? Why not?

but they had been adapted to take the arts-and-crafts projects of the school foals into account, Rarity apparently deciding to spread them around throughout the auditorium to turn the place into almost an art gallery.

Doctor: It became a huge it among the Canterlot Elite.

And Lyra was with her mare-friend BonBon,

Doctor: While her parents stood by themselves sad and alone.

dressed in a fine white-and-gold gown and with lyre slung over her back,

Ditzy: While still wearing her Gatsby cap!

ready to play. Everything had worked out.

Trixie was alone.

Ditzy: That is until Pinkie noticed she was alone and decided to cheer her up!

Doctor: And greeting her with a big bear hug.

This was a feat in and of itself,

Doctor: Ponies tripped over themselves to meet the wonderful and spectacular Trixie!

because she was, properly speaking, never more than six inches away from anypony.

Ditzy: And some ponies got accidently tangled in her cape!

But it was as simple as that: she was alone, despite being in the middle of a crowd. She wasn’t talking to anypony, she wasn’t outside celebrating, she wasn’t doing anything more than just sitting near the middle of the auditorium, next to a dark blue pegasus mare who was chatting amicably with a gray-coated pegasus stallion – he looked like an off-duty royal guard – and doing little more than just counting down the minutes until Luna arrived

Doctor: (Trixie) 102 Mareissippi, 101 Mareissippi, 100 Mareissippi, 99 Mareissippi...

and wondering how she had managed to, in a mere two days, get everything right and yet screw everything up at the same time.

Doctor: And she really didn’t expect to have someone after her life!

Trixie let out a long sigh. Whatever. This was the course of her life now,

and nothing would change it.

Ditzy: Doomed to be hated and loathed by all around her for all eternity.

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” A voice exclaimed. Trixie’s reverie was interrupted at the sound, and she saw that the mayor – an older earth pony with a beige coat –

Ditzy: It’s really confusing why some things are drastically changed yet some are the exact same despite the fact they should probably be different.

Doctor: That’s alternate universes for you.

had made her way to the center of the stage and was trying to get everypony’s attention. At great length, she mostly succeeded,

Doctor: That is until she used a airhorn.

though a few quiet conversations continued, including the unicorn and stallion sitting next to Trixie.

Doctor: Trixie kicked them to shut up.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” the mayor repeated, “I hope you’re all having a good time so far. I hope you slept in this morning as well,

Ditzy: (Mayor) Or at least had a power nap!

because all the fun and games have only barely begun! The shortest day of the year is drawing to a close, and it is now time to truly begin celebrating the Longest Night!”

There were cheers and hoof-stomps at that, but they were relatively subdued.

All: (Crowd)(Bored) Yay.

Everypony knew, after all, what was coming next, and they wanted to get to it as quickly as possible.

Ditzy: There were two for one drink deals at the local bar.

“Now then,” the mayor continued, turning slightly to face the curtains that obscured most of the stage. “As mayor of Ponyville, it is my greatest pleasure to officially introduce and welcome our guest of honor.

Doctor: (Mayor) Marealyn Mansion! (Squees)

Ditzy: (Mayor) Oh, and our princess too.

Our ruler, our savior and our protector. The Shepherd of the Moon, the Caretaker of the Sun, the Mistress of the Star Beasts, the Sovereign of the Three Tribes, the Ruler of the Land of Equestria…Her Royal Majesty, Princess Luna Equestris!”

Ditzy: (Mayor) Did I get that right? I may have missed a title or three.

The curtains pulled back, revealing…nothing.

All: (Gasp)

Technically untrue – there was some more stage, a wall, and another curtain that hid the backstage area.

Doctor: Well, obviously there won’t be a complete void behind it.

But as for the alicorn herself? Totally absent.

Doctor: Luna decided to play hooky this year. What is one missed out of a thousand?

Some ponies gasped in horror. Some ponies sputtered in confusion. Some ponies simply stood stock still, completely dumbstruck.

Ditzy: Somepony started freaking out screaming something about “The horror! The horror!”

But the pegasus pony standing next to Trixie had continued her low conversation as if nothing was wrong – a surprising oversight on her part and one which utterly ruined her disguise.

Ditzy: Ha! You can’t fool us Chrysalis!

Trixie let out a long, low sigh, reached over, and poked the pony next to her. The pegasus turned in temporary confusion, before her eyes widened.

Ditzy: (Pony) My cover been blown! Crap! I left my raspberry flavored suicide pill at home!

“Oh,” she said softly, beating her wings a few times and taking to the air, soaring over to the stage and landing there. She turned to the mayor. “My deepest apologies, mayor,” she said, then turned to the confused Ponyvillians, “and to you all. This festival is delightfully distracting. Give me just a moment to collect myself…”

Ditzy: (Pony) Just as soon as I finish this delicious apple pie!

There was a midnight-hued flash and a pop from somewhere in the crowd, and quite suddenly, standing next to the pegasus was her unicorn doppelgänger – identical in every way except for the lack of wings and the presence of the horn. Following that, an earth pony, once more identical to the other two ponies, simply leapt on stage from where she had been standing in the crowd – more than a dozen feet away. The earth pony landed evenly and smoothly despite the impossible distance of the dead-start jump, and as soon as the three were together, each began to glow with soft, blue light.

Ditzy: (Blinks) Well, okay. Didn’t see that coming.

Doctor: Is it so wise to split yourself like that? What if one of them became independent and refused to join the others?

Ditzy: Knowing you Doctor, that would be something that would happen to you.

The pegasus and the unicorn moved first,

Ditzy: The unicorn transformed into a head and the pegasus into wings and attached themselves onto the earth pony!

turning to each other and simply stepping into one another, features becoming indistinct for several long moments before coming together once more, revealing that they had become as one, and also changed in appearance slightly – a longer snout, mane and tail length longer, though still light blue, and a somewhat more slender, delicate frame. The pony that had resulted had both wings and a horn.

Doctor: In the wrong places.

Ditzy: (Luna) This is why I hate using that spell!

She didn’t remain still for long, turning instead to the earth pony, who also stepped into the other pony. Once more, they faded from clarity for a moment – but the single resultant pony was markedly different, taller than most stallions, frame still slender but no longer delicate in appearance, instead more like that of a trained runner, with tight, well-worked muscles under her midnight blue coat.

Doctor: The princess was a strong believer in jazzercise and yoga.

Her mane and tail were no longer hair at all, but rather a glowing, aura of midnight blue, studded with stars and rippling as though water catching a clear night sky.

Ditzy: Which made it an absolute pain to comb and cut!

The pony’s flank glowed, and her star cutie mark was replaced by a nebulous black cloud, but one that was overlaid by the presence of a white, crescent moon. Following this, the pony’s hooves, chest, and the tip of her head behind her horn glowed momentarily, and in a moment she was clad in the royal regalia of blue shoes, a deep blue chest plate with a crescent moon emblazoned on its fore, and a black, three-pointed crown.

Ditzy: (Luna) Moon Lular Makeup!

The Ponyvillians stared in awed silence. Trixie managed to suppress a loud groan of exasperation as the alicorn who stood on the stage spread her wings wide.

Doctor: (Trixie) Show off!

“My little ponies,” she said, her voice soft, yet firm, perfectly regal yet still carrying a slight hint of embarrassment over her earlier distraction – albeit one that she had managed to turn into an impressive display of her magical power. “Your Princess of the Night has arrived.”

Ditzy: Um, Corona. I think you missed your cue.

The applause was just shy of instantaneous. Princess Luna beamed at it, offering her best royal smile.

Doctor: Then blushed in embarrassment at the piece of broccoli stubbornly stuck in between her teeth.

After a moment, she raised a hoof for silence, tucking her wings against her body once more.

“This imminent night carries deep meaning,” she said.

Ditzy: One that will be completely forgotten once ponies start getting to the bar with the drink special!

“It is a time of endings, and a time of beginnings. Since the height of summer, the days have been growing shorter and colder,

Ditzy: (Luna) Like I’ve always said, global warming is myth!

the world withering as the leaves died and had to be taken from the trees. The last harvest was taken in as the pegasi began the three months of winter. The first snowfall sealed the fields from the light of the sun and moon, and the cold hardened the ground and turned the water into ice.

Ditzy: In other news, the sky is...blue and water is wet!

The old year is dying, and tonight it shall finally pass on, consigned to the realm of memory.

Doctor: Well, to be technical, the winter solstice isn’t the end of the year. That’s about ten or eleven days away still.

“But take heart, my little ponies. Though this year passes, a new one is to begin tonight. The days shall grow longer and warmer, the snow shall melt, the ground will soften, and the earth shall once more become receptive to your care, stronger and better for having had the winter time to rest. Tonight the old year dies,

Ditzy: Ponies were far too polite to correct Princess Luna about this point.

but we do not grieve for it, for its passing makes way for the new year, and the endless possibilities that year contains.”

Ditzy: (Luna) Though with the recession, most of you will probably lose your jobs and farms!

She smiled. “I walked amongst you tonight, disguising myself as pegasus and as unicorn and as earth pony.

Ditzy: You probably could have just given yourself a simple disguise and not gone through all that trouble.

Doctor: So did you control them all at one time, or did they have their own consensuses? I have so many questions.

I spoke with many of you, danced with a few of you, shared food and drink and laughter.

Ditzy: (Luna) Took a stallion into an alley and…

Doctor: No Ditzy.

Ditzy: Come on! It’s a good joke!

And from all of this, my little ponies, from your character and your actions, I have reached a decision about this nascent, incoming new year: it shall be a good one.”

All: Makes sense to me.

The collected ponies looked amongst each other, smiling. More than a few were blushing furiously, likely being ponies that Luna had interacted with while in disguise and even now mortified at the things they may have done or said –

Ditzy: (Cloudkicker) Not me! I’m glad I ask the princess if she wanted to bang!

but happy, nonetheless, for Luna, the Princess, the Shepherd of the Moon and the Caretaker of the Sun, had just blessed the new year due to their actions.

Doctor: And that, no doubt, changes everything! Think what would happen if she didn’t!

Luna’s smile never faltered. “Now then,” she said, turning to look at a mint green unicorn, wearing a white-and-gold dress and who was holding a lyre in her magical grip, “I believe a little music is in order for what comes next.”

Doctor: (Luna) And I have brought along the perfect accompaniment!

Ditzy: Because you know I'm all about that bass,

'Bout that bass 'bout that bass, no treble

Lyra stared blankly for a moment, before realizing what Luna was asking. She nodded as professionally as she could, before settling down into a position that looked back-breakingly uncomfortable to most ponies, hooves at the ready. At a nod from Luna, she began to pluck her lyre, horn glowing to amplify the sound – and to provide backup music despite the lack of a band. To Trixie’s surprise, the sound that came out wasn’t the national anthem at all, but was instead something far simpler in arrangement.

Doctor: Row Row Row Your Boat.

Luna nodded approvingly, before turning back to the ponies.

Ditzy: (Luna) By the heavens above I’m tired of that stupid anthem!

“Close your eyes,” she said, as her horn glowed and midnight energy washed from it like a wave over them. The ponies obeyed, and instantly they were no longer in the auditorium – they were outside, high above Ponyville, standing in the sky as Luna spread her wings wide.

Doctor: Ponies started panicking and it took several minutes to calm them down and explain that this is only an illusion.

Behind her, to the west, the sun slipped down beyond the horizon, the last of its light disappearing, and for a brief moment everything was utterly black.

Doctor: I feel sorry for anyone that has Nyctophobia.

Then in the east, the first sliver of silver light appeared on the horizon. The sliver widened, becoming a beam, then a wide ray, before finally a silver, full sphere began to rise from the horizon, bathing the entire countryside in soft light. Everypony gasped at the sight, though any further reactions were cut short as Luna leapt, appearing atop the rising moon. Despite the distance, everypony could see her clearly as she stood there, utterly still as she guided the moon fully over the eastern horizon, before leaping again – but this time, not alone. From behind the moon, following her, came a million points of light, following her like a wave as her mane and tail flared with magic along with her horn. Luna began dancing amongst the sky – hopping, skipping, twirling and spinning, a deep, primal dance as the stars chased her across the sky.

Doctor: Everyone tried, tried not to laugh.

She would wave her hoof and string up dozens at a time, swing her mane and imprint them in the patterns of the familair constellations. The stars would move of their own accord as well, twirling around her body as though trying to embrace her, and sometimes she would let them, holding them all close before releasing them against the sky one more.

Nopony knew exactly how long they watched Luna dance.

Ditzy: (Foal) Mommy, I’m so bored!

Doctor: (Mother) Quiet dear! She’s a princess! And if she wants to dance for hours on end, she can!

Eventually, the stars following her began to thin out, until finally only one was left. This one, she placed firmly above all the rest in the north, nuzzling it before drifting away, back to the awestruck ponies. As she landed, the ponies found the world fading back to normal – they were once again in the auditorium just as Lyra brought the musical accompaniment of Luna’s moonrise and star dance to a close.

Ditzy: Huh, and to think that Princess Celestia usually just gives a little a speech.

Silence prevailed for several long moments, before Luna bowed, wings spread wide. That set off the Ponyvillians, and it was surprising that the entire town hall didn’t come crashing down from the force of their hoof-stomps. Luna smiled widely.

Ditzy: That is until the floor beneath her little ponies collapsed under them.

Trixie, meanwhile, let out that exasperated groan she’d been holding back, since it wouldn’t be heard over the sound of the ponies anyway.

“Great,” she said in a low voice as she turned around. “That’s the act I have to follow…”

Doctor: (Trixie)(Sighs) I didn’t want to do this, but it looks like I will have to start with my crossbow catching while blindfolded trick.

Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 8

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 4

Were the immortal alicorn anywhere else, it would have been impossible for Trixie to even attempt to avoid her –

Doctor: Luna loved using that separation spell to spy on Trixie.

but as it stood, tonight Luna was powerless precisely because she was the princess.

Doctor: Ponies and paparazzi pounded on her all night.

Everypony wanted a moment of her time,

Ditzy: (Pony) Oh my gosh! I just got a piece of the Princess’s hair! I will love and cherish it for the rest of my life!

to ask for advice from a being with the wisdom of millennia behind her.

Ditzy: (Pony) I’m thinking about buying a new hat. Do you have any advice for what kind I should get? I want something that really goes well with my mane!

Everypony wanted her blessing on some task they wanted to undertake.

Ditzy: (Pony) Hey, could you bless me as I remodel my porch?

Doctor: (Pony) They are having a three for one sale on canned strawberries tomorrow at the grocery store. Could bless you me so they don’t run out before I get there?

Everypony wanted to give her some kind of gift, and her accepting it would be taken as a sign of royal approval.

Doctor: (Luna) A singing bass...thanks.

Ditzy: (Luna) A gift certificate to a stationary store?

Doctor: (Luna) Do ponies think of me as a sort of dumping ground for things they don’t want?

But mostly, everypony wanted to simply bask in her presence.

Doctor: Some ponies thought being around a princess cured blindness, leprosy, and being crippled.

It was interesting. Many ponies feared Luna,

Doctor: I suppose her odd macabre tastes and the fact she likes to fly around in an evil-looking chariot don’t help her image.

for her power and for being essentially the physical embodiment of the night,

Ditzy: Ponies thought she was a cannibal who ate bad ponies.

and rare was the pony who didn’t have a hundred opinions about the Night Court and the dark, shadowy competitions enacted by the noble herds of Equestria that affected the lives of thousands of ponies –

Ditzy: (Pony) I think they are really aliens bent on Equestrian domination and they replaced the princess with a pod pony!

and similar opinions of Luna, who orchestrated the Night Court to her whims

Doctor: (Luna) The mayor of Manehatten was rude to me the other day, I think I will cut funding to the sewer overhaul project he was planning until he apologizes.

and was often seen as some kind of manipulative schemer who was directing all of Equestria in a game to which only she knew the rules.

Ditzy: She was really playing an elaborate game of tic-tac-toe with Equestria!

But on the other hoof, she had just done for them what some ponies were describing as the most beautiful sight of their lives,

Doctor: Completely making up for every underhooved and dirty dealings she has done over the centuries.

and up close and personal, Luna seemed surprisingly warm and approachable –

Ditzy: The perfect way to distract them from the growing unemployment problem and the floundering economy!

which meant everypony except one blue unicorn wanted to approach her, and that blue unicorn was doing a far better job of keeping away from her mentor than she thought she would have been able to manage.

Doctor: And her groucho mask created the perfect disguise.

Trixie took a deep breath. She had finished clearing out a large space in front of her new home, cordoning it off with a few chairs used to create an impromptu acting arena.

Doctor: She was going to do a rendition of Death of a Salespony.

She wished she had a proper stage to work with, but then again working on street level had its own charm, or at least that’s what her grand-père, Quartermoon, had said about his early days in showbusiness.

Doctor: (Quartermoon) In my day we didn’t have your fancy ‘stages’! We did on the street! In negative 30 degree weather during a blizzard! And ponies threw rocks at us! Nice big ones that would break your skull if they hit you! None of your namby-pamby rotten fruit! And we liked it that way! You foals today don’t know how good you have it!

Not as many ponies would be able to see her, but they would hear her almost as well, and their curiosity would be all the greater.

Ditzy: Or they would yell at her to shut up so they can enjoy the festival.

Trixie had a moment of doubt as she stood still, invisibility spell wrapped around her form. Once she started, there’d be no going back. She didn’t fully know what Luna’s reaction would be, but it certainly wouldn’t be pleasant.

Doctor: Yep, banishment to the sun for sure.

Still – Trixie reminded herself that Luna had banished her to Ponyville. Had dumped her here to rot.

Ditzy: When in reality it was to pasteurize.

Steeling her resolve, Trixie channeled magic through her horn – fortunately, her invisibility spell did its job of hiding her presence –

Doctor: Until some dogs started barking at her.

and she cast two spells simultaneously: an illusory, bright fireworks, not quite as good as the real thing but certainly attention-grabbing; and a ghost sound copy of the noise of a fireworks display to accompany it.

Ditzy: Spooky ghost sounds and fireworks? Whatever floats your boat Trixie.

There was, of course, a crush of ponies nearby anyway, as everypony wanted to be inside the unicorn-created bubble of warm air.

Doctor: They were fighting and biting each for warmth.

Still, she had succeeded at getting a large number of ponies looking her way, eager to see what was coming up next in the night.

Ditzy: Well, I guess ponies in Ponyville certainly like a show.

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” Trixie exclaimed – still invisible, and after wrapping another spell around her throat, which would enhance it enough so that everypony nearby would hear it without trouble. She set off more illusory fireworks, these ones streamers that mostly spun in place as a lightshow. “Come one! Come all! Come and see the greatest show in all of Equestria! Tonight on the Longest Night, see the astounding magical prowess of the one – the only – descendent of the legendary Star Swirl the Bearded – ” technically, actually, it was Star Swirl’s sister-in-law, but the Ponyvillians didn’t need to know that, “

Doctor: (Trixie) You may now worship me peasants.

– trained in the arts of sorcery and spell-shaping by Princess Luna herself – the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Doctor: There it is.

Ditzy: I was actually starting to miss it.

And with that, Trixie threw down a final illusion and let her invisibility spell slip as a bright flash and cerulean smoke filled her staked-out area. The smoke dissipated quickly, leaving only Trixie – clad in her hat and cape, of course, but also wearing a dark blue undershirt and a deep purple jacket with loose sleeves for her front legs, buttoned across her chest and stomach.

Ditzy: The best part is she didn’t actually have to wear anything!

It was part of what she’d worn it to the last Grand Galloping Gala, and fit her ‘theme’ perfectly.

Ditzy: And was surprisingly fetching Galawear.

She already had a small crowd of ponies standing in place, ready and waiting for her to live up to her introductory speech.

Doctor: If not, well...Trixie’s really going to need a bath soon.

Most particularly, with such an overt and bright display of color and sound, she had attracted what Grandpapa Quartermoon had always claimed was the key to a successful magic show:

Doctor: Ponies easily distracted and impressed by bright lights?

Foals, little colts and fillies who were so much easier to fool with sleight-of-hoof and always had a much less critical eye.

Doctor: That and Trixie assumed that children are stupid.

Ditzy: The truth is Trixie was really bad at it and was laughable if you watched her closely.

“Now then,” Trixie said to the audience, “quick note before we begin. All that?” she waved a hoof behind her as though referencing the light show she had just put on. “Some spells. Little illusions and ghost sounds and flashing lights that any unicorn could do with practice.

Ditzy: It shows just how much the princess has wasted her time with you.

And I, Trixie, am not saying it was easy, and I’m not saying that it wasn’t, in its own way, magic.” As she turned around, she flicked one hoof, and from seemingly thin air produced a pair of scissors, which she caught with telekinesis. “But the really impressive stuff,” she said, flicking her other hoof and producing a large, white quill, “well, that’s what Trixie intends to show you!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Now who wants to step up first so Trixie can belittle and humiliate them!

Trixie produced four more items that she had found around her home – a deck of cards,

Ditzy: Her old school Dark Magician deck.

a carrot,

Ditzy: To create a snowpony sidekick.

a flask,

Doctor: Four chapters was far too long to not get completely plastered.

and a pair of silver bits –

Ditzy: Trixie thought the coin behind the ear trick was the height of illusionary tricks.

as well as a sheet of paper and separate, black writing quill.

Ditzy: It seems Trixie can’t count. That’s six items.

Using her telekinesis, she laid out the first six items in front of her, from left to right in the order that she had produced them in so that the scissors were furthest to her right and the bits furthest to her left, while the black quill and paper remained separate from the pile.

Doctor: Her demon summoning ritual was almost complete!

Smiling at the audience, she wrote a few things on the paper, then folded it in half and moved her line of items forward, while appraising her modest audience.

Ditzy: There were 4 ponies, bear, a cat, and a chicken in the audience.

She smiled when she noticed one filly in particular, wrapped in a foal-sized winter cloak and sitting close to her gray pegasus mother.

Doctor: (Daisy) I think I will be able to bean Trixie in the head with these eggs from here!

“You there!” Trixie exclaimed, pointing a hoof at Dinky Daisy Doo. “Come over here for a minute.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) You’re my first victim! Trixie will show how small and insignificant you are compared to the The Great and Powerful Trixie!

The unicorn filly’s eyes widened a little, as she looked to Ditzy Doo as though for permission. In response, Ditzy smiled and nudged Dinky Daisy with one hoof.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) If you think I’m going to offer myself as tribute, you’re sadly mistaken.

The filly trotted forward eagerly at that, stopping on the other side of Trixie’s line of items.

“Say your name for the audience,” Trixie said, waving a hoof at the ponies watching.

“Dinky Daisy Doo!” the filly exclaimed brightly as she looked at them,

Doctor: (Daisy) You might know me from my work in theater and TV.

though she turned back to Trixie quickly. She leaned forward a little, and spoke in a quieter voice next. “I figured out how you made that bit appear on top of my head.”

Ditzy: (Daisy) You’re nothing but a fraud!

Trixie smiled. “Did you? Well, here’s a new one.”

Doctor: (Trixie) We’re going to do the blade box trick!

In a louder voice, and looking more at the audience than Dinky Daisy, she continued. “Now then, Dinky Daisy Doo. Name a number between one and six.”

Ditzy: (Daisy) 2.230012952621!

“Five,” Dinky Daisy said, eyeing the flask.

Doctor: (Daisy) Getting drunk in front of a bunch of foals. Shameful!

“F-I-V-E,” Trixie spelled out,

Doctor: The whole crowd clapped at the achievement.

hoof pointing to the bits first and then moving backwards, until she ended up on the deck of cards. “Oh, thank goodness. I don’t know much magic involving carrots.”

Ditzy: Was...that suppose to be a joke?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

As she said that, she unfolded the piece of paper hovering behind her, showing that she had written deck of cards on it. Two colts seemed impressed by the trick, but most everyone in the audience seemed underwhelmed.

Doctor: They started getting their rotten produce ready.

Dinky Daisy pouted a little. “That wasn’t magic,” she objected.

Ditzy: (Daisy) You’re a hack.

“Not really, no,” Trixie confirmed as she put the remaining objects on the ground behind her and used her telekinesis to withdraw the fifty-four cards within and spread them out in front of Dinky Daisy. “Now then. Pick a card. Any card! Show it to the audience, but do not show the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Ditzy: (Pony) I don’t have my glasses. Which card did you pick?

Doctor: (Daisy) Oh, the 5 of clubs.

Ditzy: (Pony) Thank you!

Dinky Daisy considered the cards in front of her with the same kind of weight that an older mare would have given to her wedding dress.

Doctor: (Daisy) Hmm...what is the best way to mess up this trick?

At length, she indicated one. Trixie nodded as she pulled the deck together again, shuffling the cards thoroughly as she trotted forward, so that she was next to Dinky Daisy Doo. As she did, she flourished her cape slightly. “Alright,” she said, holding up the deck of cards and looking them over, considering. “The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks…it was…” she reached the end of the deck, looked confused a moment,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I forgot how to do this trick!

then stamped her left hoof in realization and pointed. “That one.”

Trixie didn’t point to the deck at all, but rather straight down, at Dinky’s Daisy’s hooves. The filly looked down, and her eyes widened and she backed up several paces in surprise at the card lying face-down right beneath her right front hoof, which nopony had seen arrive there. There were gasps from the audience, as well.

Doctor: It wasn’t that impressive.

Trixie telekinetically lifted up the card, considering its face for a moment before turning it to Dinky Daisy and the audience. “Seven of clubs?” she asked rhetorically. Dinky’s Daisy’s face – and that of the surprised audience – told her the answer already.

Doctor: (Daisy) Nope sorry. It was the jack of spades.

Dinky Daisy nodded, as did Trixie, even as she turned back to her piece of paper and unfolded the remainder of it, where she had written seven of clubs.

Ditzy: Not bad.

Doctor: She does have some skill I suppose.

Cue the hoof-stomps, Trixie thought with a smile even as the applause came, reserved but appreciative from the adults in the audience but very enthusiastic from the fifteen or twenty fillies and colts watching. Trixie bowed, and encouraged Dinky Daisy Doo to do likewise before sending her back to her mother, Dinky’s Daisy’s brow furrowed in thought as she tried to figure out Trixie’s tricks.

Good luck, kiddo, Trixie thought with a smirk,

Doctor: Until she checked out a ‘Magic Tricks for Beginners’ book out at the library.

Ditzy: Kiddo? She’s not a goat Trixie.

as she got ready to pull out the nails and get to more impressive magic.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Time to tie myself to a giant cannon ball and shoot myself out of a cannon.

She’d shown herself as competent enough, now it was time to wow the audience.

Ditzy: Are you going to swallow a running jackhammer?

Doctor: Cut yourself in half with a giant saw?

With a wave of her hoof, she pulled from its resting point far behind her a stool, a bright white ball, and a trio of metal cups.

All: Oh...

“Now,” Trixie said as she placed the items in front of her, the ball and cups on top of the stool, “this is one of the oldest tricks in the book. One ball, three cups, you all know it, some of you have probably done it, you know how it works, and where’s the fun in that?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) So I am going to do while in a straitjacket!

Trixie hefted two of the cups, considered a moment, then shrugged and tossed them over her shoulder, back where they had been. “One ball. One cup – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) Find the lady! Find the lady!

Trixie glanced at the audience, and saw her. Princess Luna had made her way to the front row of adult ponies, just behind the fillies and colts that were making up the front row of her audience.

Doctor: Eagerly holding a box a rotten apples.

The ponies had noticed her and were bowing in respect,

Ditzy: Some ponies rushed and retrieved a cushion for her to sit on.

and Luna acknowledged these with a nod even as she sat down on her stomach amidst of the foals, offering them a bright smile.

Doctor: (Filly) You have something in your teeth.

Then her gaze was focused entirely on Trixie.

Doctor: It bore into her soul.

Trixie offered a formal, curt bow of her own. “Princess Luna,” she acknowledged.

“Trixie,” Luna confirmed, bowing her own head. “My most faithful student. Please, don’t let me interrupt you more than I have already.”

Doctor: (Luna) I’ll save the interrupting for the heckling.

Trixie wanted to grimace, but she hid the expression well. “Alright,” she said pleasantly instead. “As I was saying: one ball, one cup. Try to keep up…”

Ditzy: (Luna) You suck! Get off the stage!

Doctor: What’s Trixie’s amazing innovation to this old trick you ask? Eh, it isn’t worth our time.

Quartermoon the Magnificent was considered the greatest magician of his era,

Ditzy: For foal birthday parties.

and probably the greatest magician to have ever lived,

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: Better than Hoofdini?

a feat made all the more impressive by his being an earth pony.

Ditzy: Now I’m embarrassed at the ‘Trixie is a racist’ jokes I made earlier.

When he went on stage with nothing more than his signature top hat, cape, and beard,

Doctor: Something Trixie regretted not having.

Ditzy: But she could grow a rather fetching mustache.

he’d been able to receive applause; when he brought props to work with, that applause transformed into standing ovations and cries of encore.

Ditzy: Moral of the story? Actually bring props for your act.

Trixie was Quartermoon’s petite fille –

Ditzy: Somepony get her a sandwich!

his granddaughter. Growing up with him in the house in Neigh Orleans,

Ditzy: Oh, she’s an orphan. Does this mean her parents were tragically murdered like Dax’s?

Doctor: Probably.

Trixie couldn’t help but try to pick up his tricks, and she’d always displayed a natural talent for what Quartermoon called ‘real magic.’

Ditzy: So...why would Princess Luna take her on as a student then? Why isn’t she training with Copperstone or something?

Spells? Spells were impressive in their own right, but one in three ponies in Equestria could not only cast spells, but did so almost every day of their lives.

Doctor: Yes, but not many of them can cast illusions or become invisible.

Ditzy: Why is it non-unicorns assume that most unicorns can cast spells like Twilight?

No, to Quartermoon, magic was supposed to be deep, and primal – hardly surprising for an earth pony to think such – but above all else it had to be wondrous. If one saw an act of magic and yawned or thought of it as ordinary, then it wasn’t real magic at all, just a cheap facsimile.

Doctor: So we suppose to take Trixie’s tricks as not real magic then?

Of course, everything that she’d learned from her Grandpapa – the sleight of hoof, the art of misdirection, the smoke and mirrors – she was supplementing, tonight, with her own unicorn spell casting.

Doctor: So how about show us some of that impressive magic than telling us about it?

Ditzy: Yeah! I want a show!

With her horn carefully hidden under her hat, nopony had any way of knowing when she was casting a spell,

Doctor: If you ignore the fact that no spell can be cast silently.

and she made a point of taking off her hat and performing through pure sleight-of-hoof for a good portion of the show.

Ditzy: Using a spell that cast an illusion that make it look like she wasn’t actually casting magic with her horn!

Trixie felt somewhat bad for using spells to supplement her street magic,

Doctor: But Luna’s Night Court had taught her the folly of having morals.

but her Grandpapa himself had said that it was alright for Trixie to do so, as long as the sense of wonder and mystery remained. Plus, while she really was enjoying herself, she was here for a purpose.

You want to dump me here? Trixie thought, as she finished up another act, this one supplemented by an illusion spell Luna had taught her not two months ago.

Ditzy: It was really really cool! Just trust us on this!

You want to just leave me here and forget about me? Fine. This is how I’ll waste your teachings. The magic taught to me by an alicorn – squandered on street magic.

Doctor: (Trixie) And I plan on spending the next ten years as a fry cook at Wacky Hut!

Trixie felt herself getting more than a little flustered – though she didn’t show it – as the show went on, and Luna had the audacity to not appear angry, or incensed, or even disappointed.

Ditzy: In truth Luna was just sleeping with her eyes open. A classic trick she learned for countless Night Court meetings.

She watched impassively, for the most part, her alicorn senses more than capable of keeping up with sleight-of-hoof attempts.

Ditzy: I...wasn’t aware they had that power.I will have to ask Princess Luna the next time I see her.

Doctor: No, she’s just paying close attention. Trixie is too arrogant to believe that anyone that isn’t an alicorn can follow her sleight-of-hoof.

Once or twice, however, Trixie was able to pull off a stunt that baffled even her –

Ditzy: Wow, that’s amazing! It’s a shame the author didn’t bother telling us what it is.

Doctor: Is it really so hard to come up with some magic tricks for Trixie to do?

Ditzy: Yeah, just get a book on magic and work from there!

and needless to say, those particular tricks were the ones that got the most applause from the audience, foals and adults alike.

Doctor: (Yawns) How fascinating,

Ditzy: So I take it we are only get to get onecomplete trick?

Eventually, she ran out of tricks, about half an hour before midnight.

Doctor: The entire show took 6 hours.

Ditzy: Hey you’re right! Considering she started the show a little bit after 5 or so.

She had, at least, closed with a bang, a complicated mix of several illusion and sleights-of-hoof that had seemed to make the house behind her outright disappear, ‘proven’ by shining beams of light ‘straight through’ it, before returning it – it was her home, after all, she remarked.

Ditzy: Her home is really a Tardis!

By now, her crowd had grown to impressive proportions,

Doctor: Thousands of ponies filled the streets.

with her having to pause the show about half-way through to ask for anyone watching to sit on their stomachs in order to ensure that everypony who wanted to see her at work could.

Ditzy: Ok author, I think you are really stretching your story’s believability here.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Trixie said with a bow, before offering a deeper, seemingly gracious one to the Princess. “Princess Luna…you’ve all been a wonderful audience, and the Great and Powerful Trixie looks forward to entertaining you in the future!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Also with vague and undefined tricks that you are suppose to assume are amazing!

Ditzy: And hopefully won’t be six hours long next time.

With that, Trixie threw her front hooves wide, conjuring illusory smoke and a ghost bang noise once more, using the distraction to make her exit straight backwards and into her home. By the time her illusory smoke cleared, nopony could see her.

Ditzy: (Pinkie)(Gasps) She’s gone! Oh, wait. There she is!

Doctor: (Trixie)(Grumbles)

Trixie let out a long, low sigh, standing still with her head pressed against her home’s door, eyes closed as she tried to decide whether she was angry, depressed, scared, all three, or something else. Regardless of how she felt, that was that. She hung up her hat near her door and trotted towards her living room, intent on getting a fire going and just spending the rest of the Longest Night awaiting the wrath of Princess Luna –

Doctor: Who I am sure isn’t just in the next room.

“Hello, Trixie.”

Trixie wasn’t even surprised that,

Ditzy: Princess Luna also watched Naruto religiously!

on opening the door to her living room, she found herself face-to-face with Luna. She paused a moment for posterity’s sake, before making her way in slowly, glaring at her mentor.

“Princess,” Trixie said once fully inside, bowing. “If you’d give me a moment to get a fire – ”

One of Luna’s eyes twitched, and a blue-hot flame ignited in the empty fireplace.

Ditzy: Wow! The princess can light things on fire with her mind!

A moment later, Luna levitated a few logs and tinder into place, and let them start burning. It took a few moments, but at length the fire cooled from blue to a more comfortable red, orange, and yellow as the logs and natural reactions took over for Luna’s magic. She’s angry, then, Trixie noted.

Doctor: The princess was known to burn something when angered.

She sat back on her haunches, staring at Luna and waiting. Luna stared back, her own position matching Trixie’s. For some time, the only sound was the cackle of the flames and the occasional snapping sound as the fire found a pocket of moisture or air in the logs.

Ditzy: And who says fanfics can’t be educational?

“Is it better,” Luna asked at length, her voice carefully neutral, “for a leader of ponies to be loved, or to be feared?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Loved! No feared! No loved! Er, can I call a friend?

Trixie blinked a few times. Trixie had not been learning just magic from Luna.

Doctor: She was also taught grade-school level philosophy as well!

She’d been learning rhetoric and politics as well.

Doctor: In the Night Court way naturally.

And that particular question was among the first that Luna had ever posed to her.

Ditzy: The princess thought it was a good idea to teach Trixie how to instill fear in others at a young age.

“Both,” Trixie answered, confused at the conversation’s turn. “It’s best to be both, if possible – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) If not, rule by absolute fear crushing all that stand in your way!

“And if it’s not? The ability to create such feelings in others can rarely be found together in a single pony.”

Ditzy: How about Fluttershy? She’s not somepony I would want to mess with.

“…then it depends on the pony,” Trixie continued. “Some ponies do better with love, some with fear. It depends on the circumstances of the times. Love is more sure but is outside of a leader’s control,

Doctor: (Trixie) So don’t bother with it.

fear is totally within her control but can lead to – ”

Ditzy: A visit from the Doctor and me!

“Yes, yes,” Luna responded, leaning forward. “But whether a leader is loved or feared, what must she always avoid?”

Doctor: Pointlessly killing your subjects for the smallest failing?

Ditzy: Over elaborate death traps?

“Hate,” Trixie responded. “Contempt.”

Doctor: Bzzt. Wrong. It’s hatred.

Luna nodded, leaning back. “Trixie,” she said. “You have spent the last year moaning and complaining, without end, about not being able to put everything I’ve taught you to practical use.

Ditzy: (Luna) You demanded that you should be given an army to conquer the Griffon Kingdom.

You have been wasting your time rather than continuing your studies.

Doctor: (Luna) I knew buying you that PonyStation thing was a mistake!

You have grown arrogant and self-assured about your own abilities, such that you managed to drive away the very, very small number of ponies left in Canterlot willing to give you a chance.

Ditzy: Even Minuette and she’ll be friends with anypony!

And after you melted the ice palace in a bout of stupidity,

Doctor: (Trixie) Well, maybe you shouldn’t have installed a heating system in your stupid ice palace.

you somehow managed to convince me that it was, in a way, my fault, that I was squandering your talents, that you were right, that it was time you were given a real job, real responsibility within my Night Court.”

Ditzy: Trixie got really lucky with her persuasion check.

Luna stood. “Two days,” she said, as she began to pace in a long, slow circle around Trixie. “You have been in Ponyville for two days, and what have you managed to do? I have been assaulted by ponies all night,

Doctor: Two days with Trixie in their town and the townsfolk are already out for blood!

Trixie, asking me to intervene in their problems. And can you guess, Trixie, what name has often come up tonight?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Lyra Heartstrings and her amazing playing?

Trixie could, but she remained stoically silent, staring straight ahead rather than following Luna’s pacing form. ‘Luna’s eyes narrowed at that. “Your name, of course,” Luna continued. “I had one Carrot Top, asking for official royal sanction of her food stall tonight because she feared reprisals from the Apple Trust.

Ditzy: (Luna) Of course I gave her none. She was a fool for challenging the Apple Trust. In this world only the strong deserve to exist.

When I asked her why she dared set up the stall in the first place if she was so afraid, she said that it was because she was blackmailed by you.

Doctor: (Luna) Tsk tsk tsk. You didn’t blackmail her well enough for her spill the beans so quickly and easily. Has my Night Court taught you nothing?

“Next I was confronted by a weather pony named Raindrops, who asked me to officially outlaw weather-for-hire ponies

Ditzy: (Nods)

and do… extreme…things to a certain few in particular.

Doctor: (Luna) One of them was hanging a pony to death with their own innards.

When I asked why, she outlined how you had brought a dozen into town on short notice and, by doing so, essentially told her and her entire weather team that they were incapable of doing their jobs. This was especially stinging at her, because it appears that the storm over the Everfree Forest, which the wea ther-for-hire ponies were brought in to deal with, has dissipated utterly over the past few hours.

Ditzy: Trixie felt really stupid when she found it the storm was dissipated single hoofed by none other than Rainbow Dash!

“Following this, I met a unicorn named Rarity, who was quarreling with an earth pony, Cheerilee.

Doctor: Those two argue like an old married couple.

Rarity alternated between informing me that Cheerilee had ruined everything, and apologizing profusely for the decorations. When I remarked that they seemed adequate, she almost fainted,

Ditzy: She was convinced that the Princess was going to send her to jail for being so unfabulous!

and went on at great length about how they used to be different – showed me her wonderful sketch, even – and how you had forced her to change everything for Cheerilee – this despite Cheerilee not asking you to do so.

Ditzy: And unable to merge the two into something amazing I guess.

Doctor:That is strange.

Ditzy: Maybe lacking generosity had something to do with it?

“Then there was Lyra Heartstrings. A graduate of my own academy whom I happened to bump into. When I complimented her music – honestly I was expecting the anthem and her last-minute change of mind was both surprising and more appropriate –

Ditzy: I guess the Princess really loves Row Row Row Your Boat.

Doctor: More appropriate? What does that mean exactly?

Ditzy: This is why the fic needs a soundtrack!

and remarked that I was grateful that at least somepony seems to have benefited from your presence…

Doctor: You might not like her methods, but she gets results!

well, the look on her face told me much of what I needed to know anyway,

Ditzy: It made Lyra feel like she needed a bath.

but at my insistence she went into the details of how you, by insulting her chosen profession, conned her into playing.”

Ditzy: Hey! Now we found a way to easily con her into doing anything!

Doctor: (Trixie) I bet there is no way a terrible homeless musician like you could ever mow my lawn!

Ditzy: (Lyra) Oh yeah! I’ll show you!

Luna’s slow pace had brought her full circle, to right in front of Trixie. She did not sit back down as she glared at Trixie, the blue unicorn matching it evenly. “And lastly,” she said, “I met the local leader of the Apple Trust, Applejack. She had a lot to say about you, about you trampling over Ponyville traditions,

Doctor: Yes, how dare she fight the oppressive status quo!

about you challenging the quality of her family’s produce,

Ditzy: This is like the only universe where Applejack puts tradition over apples.

and essentially, about you being rude, confrontational,

Doctor: (Trixie) What’s that suppose to mean?!

and in all ways unbecoming of a Representative of my Night Court.

Ditzy: (Luna) At least be rude and mean in a polite, passive aggressive way!

But there was another recurring theme besides your name, Trixie. Do you know what it was?”

Doctor: That everyone was relieved to not eat apples all night?

Ditzy: That Lyra really needs to get rid of her hat?

Trixie remained silent. Luna’s scowl deepened, as she spread her wings wide, and took several steps forward, getting close to Trixie. “Trixie, answer me,” she said, evenly.

Doctor: (Trixie) That Trixie is amazing, smoking hot, and is a perfect candidate to be a Representative of the Night Court?

Trixie clenched her teeth. “They want me gone,” she guessed, “don’t they?”

Ditzy: Actually, after your magic act, everypony changed their tune and are now begging for her to stay!

“Immediately,” Luna confirmed.

Doctor: And Pinkie has already started preparing her ‘Hooray Trixie Lulamoon is gone from our town forever’ party.

She lingered close to Trixie a moment more, before withdrawing, closing her eyes and shaking her head sadly, then wincing a little and rubbing one temple with her hoof.

Doctor: Meetings in the Night Court were never this headache inducing.

“And all this is not aided by the fact that I have had the worst headache I’ve had in centuries all through the night…” after a moment, she turned to look to Trixie.

Ditzy: (Luna) And this included that one wild party we had in Las Pegasus!

Doctor: (Luna) I still have no idea where that chicken came from!

“Oh, but that reminds me. Your magic show. I am very, very disappointed, Trixie.”

Ditzy: (Luna) You are an embarrassment to the Quartermoon name!

Trixie suppressed a grin. “Why?” she asked. “You don’t think I’m squandering your lessons, do you?”

Doctor: (Luna) What? No. I was hoping for you to at least escape a water tank while underwater while blindfolded and wearing a straight jacket.

“No,” Luna responded. Trixie’s eyes widened at that, as Luna continued. “In fact I wish you had hit upon this idea sooner. You are a vain, arrogant, attention-seeking pony, Trixie, but being on stage, with ponies watching you and giving you praise, is exactly what you need as an outlet for that.”

Doctor: (Luna) There you can be the powermad attention seeking glory hound you have always wanted to be!

Luna turned around to fully regard Trixie. “No, what I am disappointed in is that I know you, Trixie. I know you were hoping I would believe that you were wasting your talents, that this wasn’t a genuine effort on your part.

Doctor: It wasn’t a genuine effort...yet it wowed the whole town?

Ditzy: Trixie is just that amazing!

This was you trying to make me angry.

Ditzy: You were able to guess all that? Wow.

Although don’t fear: you have succeeded in doing that.”

Ditzy: (Luna) I wasted 15 years of my life on you!

Doctor: (Luna) I knew I should have taken that Twilight Sparkle filly instead!

Trixie felt something snap inside of her. “You’re angry?” she asked, shouting. Luna’s eyes widened a little, as she was clearly trying to remember the last time anypony had dared raise their voice to her.

Ditzy: Wait, this the first time Trixie has ever raised her voice towards Princess Luna? Really?

“You’re angry? You send me here with everything falling to pieces

Doctor: (Sighs) You really believe that don’t you.

and you have the gall to be angry? You exile me and – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And now a crazy pegasus is after my life!

“Exile?” Luna demanded, her own eyes narrowing as she stomped a hoof down. The room shook a little from the impact, but nothing broke. “Trixie, you’re the one who demanded more responsibility, and I gave it to you!”

Ditzy: Sure it's a dead end position that will lead to depression and crippling alcoholism, but at least it’s something!

“No you didn’t!” Trixie exclaimed, horn glowing brightly as she ripped the former baron’s letter from her cape pocket and hurled it at Luna. The alicorn princess caught it, looking it over. Trixie didn’t wait as she stomped around. “You send me here with the food being all the same thing which I know you’d hate

Doctor: (Luna) What? I love apples. I was actually having a craving for them before I got here.

and the weather spiraling out of control

Ditzy: You’re lucky Princess! That freak snow-rain-wind-thunder-lightning-ice-and-acid storm would have killed you!

and the music being handled by the most introverted pony I’ve ever seen

Doctor: (Trixie) And I couldn’t even bribe or threaten her into doing what I want!

so that I can suffer for the ice palace before I get to spend the rest of my days in this stupid town…”

Doctor: (Trixie) Well, at least until a crazy pegasus beats me to death!

“You were not banished, Trixie!” Luna shouted back as she finished reading the letter.

Ditzy: (Luna) You have just been temporarily relocated for about 20 years or so!

“Then why am I here?”

“Because you asked to be!” Luna retorted,

Doctor: And you never told her that the position couldn’t be a worthless, dead end one!

once more stomping a hoof. “Trixie, you have never held any position in the Night Court! What, did you expect to be given a position in Manehattan? Fillydelphia? Neigh Orleans? Did you expect me to shower you with land and titles?

Ditzy: (Trixie) Yes. I am your most prized student.

Ponyville is a large but comparatively quiet town, making it an excellent first appointment!”

Ditzy: If you ignore the monster attacks, alien invasions, friendship problems, and other general weirdness.

“That – ” Trixie began, then choked on her own words as enlightenment struck as hard as any lightning bolt. “That…that makes a lot of sense, actually…”

Doctor: (Trixie) Boy do I feel silly. Would you like some tea with butter and tomato juice in it?

Having gained the upper hoof, Luna pressed it as she stepped forward. “Duke Blueblood – the entire Blueblood family – are entitled, overdramatic snobs.”

Ditzy: Ha! Not true at all! Princess Blueblood is actually pretty cool!

“But…but the previous representatives…” Trixie began, turning around and rushing from the room. Luna followed, watching as Trixie ran into her office, producing letters from the other ponies who had held the title of representative in the past, pulling aside the bookcase and tearing open the safe hidden behind there to produce a dozen more.

Trixie levitated them all for Luna to see. “They’re all the same,” she said, though her eyes were wide and her voice shaky. “They’re all – ”

“Trixie, I have used Ponyville as a site for informal banishments.

Ditzy: (Luna) And it puts them in easy pranking distance.

But the difference between exile and opportunity is a thin one, and the fact that I sent them here, inside of Equestria still, was usually more than enough of a hint that they only needed to get their acts together and they could return to Canterlot!”

Doctor: (Luna) If I really wanted you gone, I would have made you my representative in Yakyakistan.

She looked over a few of the letters. “Many of these ponies were back in my good graces long before their retirements.

Doctor: (Luna) I particularly liked the gold watch and 1000 bit birthday present Springtime Rain gave me a couple hundred years ago.

I do not know why they wrote these letters. Perhaps it became a sort of hazing ritual, or sense of vindictiveness lingered – ”

“But the Duke said he wasn’t vindictive!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Sure I found a doll of you with needles in it, but that was probably nothing.

“Yes, Trixie, and because somepony says something, they must be telling the truth,” Luna responded dryly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Not true! Those tales of bighoof can’t be wrong!

She glared at Trixie. “So, let me see if I understand your line of reasoning. You trusted somepony whom I’m not certain you’ve ever actually met, when he told you that I exiled you here, in a letter written weeks ago. Then because you thought you were exiled, you believed it a good idea to make everypony in Ponyville hate you, and following that, make an attempt to make me angry at you?”

Doctor: (Luna) You decided that if you couldn’t be happy, no pony could.

Trixie’s mouth open and shut a few times as she tried to speak, but no intelligible sound came out.

Ditzy: She sorta sounded like a sheep.

Luna shook her head in disappointment. “You owe Ponyville an apology for what you’ve done,”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Well, uh, they started it!

she said, trotting up to beside Trixie and using a wing to begin nudging her student towards the door to her office, and from there the door to the residency. “You owe several ponies in particular apologies. You owe me and apology. And after all that,”

Ditzy: Makeup hugs?

she looked Trixie in the eye as she opened the door. Outside, the moon sat high in the sky – it was midnight, or close to it. “I will have to seriously consider whether, after all of this, anything I have taught you has been absorbed, and whether or not continuing your apprenticeship…”

Doctor: Well...look on the bright side. At least you didn’t abandon your studies, hid into a different dimension for a few years, came back and stole a powerful magical artifact, went insane and transformed into a demon through an overload of magical power, and tried to take over Equestria.

Luna’s voice trailed off as Trixie continued moving forward mechanically, eyes wide still. It wasn’t until she reached her home’s front gates that she realized that Luna wasn’t beside her anymore.

Doctor: Luna was easily distracted.

Doctor: (Luna) Oh look! A bunny! It’s so cute!

Blinking a few times, she turned to regard her mentor, and found Luna staring wide-eyed herself, straight ahead.

Doctor: (Luna) Is the owner of that house colorblind? That the most garish coloring I have ever seen!

Due to the alignment of Trixie’s house,

Ditzy: Chaotic Good.

it meant she was staring almost perfectly to the east, where in the far distance dawn’s first light was beginning to creep over the horizon –

Doctor: (Luna) Eh, screw winter solstice. The sun'll be rising at midnight now!

“Wait,” Trixie said, her trance-like state of despair shattered. “Wait. Princess. Why are you raising the sun?”

“I’m not,” Luna said in a quiet voice, even as the golden disc appeared fully over the horizon. It was definitely dawn – even as the moon and stars were still perched high in the sky overhead.

Doctor: Because that’s how night and day works.

The sun, in fact, was moving with speed Trixie had never seen the celestial body move at before,

Ditzy: The sun, it can really move! The sun, it’s got an attitude! It’s the fastest star alive!

charging straight towards the highest point in the sky as though it intended to shove the moon from orbit. The stars themselves were also moving in the sky, hurrying out of the way of the burning orb of fire, clearing a path in the brightening sky.

Ditzy: (Sun) Hey! I’m flying here!

Some of the stars were not fast enough, however. As the sun touched them, they would flare, suddenly – and then vanish utterly.

Ditzy: Um, what? Aren’t the stars like many light years away from the sun?

Doctor: (Sighs) Yes, the closest one is Proximane Centrotti which is 4.24 light years away.

Ditzy: But...then...what are star suppose to be in this universe if they aren’t distance lights from stars?

Doctor: (Shugs)

“Is it really a good idea to have the sun and moon in the sky at the same…” Trixie began,

Doctor: Right. That would be redonkulous!

looking back to her teacher. Her words died in her throat when she saw the expression on Luna’s face.

Ditzy: She was crying.

Doctor: (Luna) There is somepony else that can do my job! Trixie, I’m retiring! The beach here I come!

Trixie had seen Luna angry. She’d seen her sad. She’d seen her happy. She’d seen her confused, irritated, tired, excited, enraged, ecstatic, embarrassed, and a million other emotions. But she had never before seen Princess Luna look frightened – and properly speaking, she still hadn’t, because to Trixie, Princess Luna did not, right now, look frightened. Princess Luna looked terrified.

Ditzy: Horror movie rarely impressed her.

“Princess – ” Trixie began, when Luna’s eyes snapped shut and her horn glowed. Her form dissolved into blue, starry mist and shot away, towards the center of Ponyville. Eyes wide, Trixie dashed off after her.

Princess Luna arrived in her mist-form in the center of town as the sun was nearing the moon, which, itself, seemed to be either shrinking in the sky, or else drawing backwards, moving away from the planet it orbited and making room for the sun even as its edge appeared to touch the edge of the moon.

Doctor: That makes no sense.

Ditzy: The moon is alive? What?

Most ponies in Ponyville, or indeed Equestria, did not have experience with seeing quite as wide a range of emotions on their Princess’ face as did Trixie, but even still, none of them had ever expected to see the look of abject terror that was transfixed on Luna’s face as her mist-form rematerialized in the town center, eyes darting from pony to pony.

“Run!” Luna exclaimed in volumes she normally reserved for making public proclamations from atop Canterlot’s tallest tower. “Run, my little ponies! This sunrise is not my doing! Flee to the forests and hide!

Ditzy: (Pony) Right, smart idea! Run into the timberwolf infested forest.Great idea Princess!

Co – ”

She was interrupted by a cry of pain – her own – as the sun continued its movement, beginning to eclipse the moon. The moon itself began to blacken, as though being burned by the sun,

Doctor: If the sun was that close it would kill every...Just nevermind.

Ditzy: This is really playing physics fast and loose.

Doctor: More like forgetting they exist.

Ditzy: This whole universe is really really bizarre. I thought it was just suppose to be the normal universe….just with Princess Luna in charge. Not sure where this crazy cosmic stuff comes from.

Doctor: I think the author is being a little too creative with the setting.

Ditzy: And it just pops up with no explanation! None of this is even remotely normal!

and though the burns did not physically appear on Luna, her front hooves gave out as she howled at the fiery sensations that felt like they were spreading across her body.

Ditzy: Ouch. Talk about an easy and convenient weakness to exploit.

Doctor: Does this mean blowing up the moon would kill her?

Ditzy: This really gives Corona an unfair advantage. It isn’t like Princess Luna can do the same to the sun.

Unfortunately, this produced the exact opposite of what she wanted to happen – ponies began rushing forward to their tormented princess, looking to help her.

Screaming in frustration, Luna spread her wings wide, with enough force to shove the ponies back a good thirty feet.

Doctor: Good idea princess. Protect your subjects by seriously injuring them.

Ditzy: Feet? Don’t you mean hooves?

“No!” she exclaimed in spite of her pain. “You need to – ”

The words died on her lips as there was a hiss and a snapping sound, followed by the air around Ponyville igniting. As Luna watched in horror, a line of yellow and orange flames raced around the edge of town, becoming a wall of fire fifty feet high.

All: Hooves.

Several terrified pegasi tried to fly over the flames, but they would flare up as they drew near, forcing the pegasi back.

Ditzy: Now there is no way to escape! Well, unless you fly straight up in middle of course.

The only sound that could be heard above the cackling of the flames – which, at least, did not seem to be burning the buildings of Ponyville – was the screams of terror, fright, and confusion.

Ditzy: And some roast marshmallows and making s'mores!

At length, the moon was completely eclipsed by the sun, which flared brightly once – then a second time, even brighter – then a third time, so bright as to turn everypony’s field of vision white, even Luna’s.

Ditzy: Because alicorns have low light sensitivity?

Doctor: This fic sure likes to give them random powers.

Then, silence – a terrible silence, obviously magically created since everypony was still trying to scream in terror. They only stopped when the futility became obvious, and their vision began to return.

Doctor: Except Pinkie who continued running back and forth screaming.

“My little ponies,” a voice broke through the silence, as the sound of wings beating steadily in long, slow sweeps permeated the air. “My precious subjects. Rejoice.”

Ditzy: We are finally finally getting to the main plot of the story!

Everypony, Luna included, looked up at the unnatural midday sky, and saw her: A large, white alicorn, taller than even Princess Luna even without her horn, with majestic, swan-like wings beating steadily to perfectly control her descent to the world below, though features beyond that were difficult to make out as she glowed almost as bright as the unnatural sun. At length, she settled down on the cobblestone plaza that surrounded the town hall. Only then, as though touching the earth somehow lessened her,

Ditzy: Ah ha! An easy weakness to exploit!

Doctor: This is going to be easier than I thought.

did the glow that permeated her fade, and the ponies could see her in detail – her mane and tail made from animate flames, her cutie mark of a golden, full sun, her regal, subdued smile – and her eyes, completely white, lacking iris, pupil, or anything else that would mar to their appearance.

Ditzy: She’s blind? Huh, that’s a new one!

“Rejoice,” the alicorn repeated, a broad grin on her face. “Your true queen hath returned.”

Ditzy: (Corona) Andth speakingth inth oldth Equestrainth.

Luna forced herself to her hooves, ignoring the pain she felt all across her body, a pain that was lessening, at least, as her moon continued to withdraw from Equestrian orbit.

Doctor: Opps.

Ditzy: Bye!

She was breathing in great gasps, and realized she was trembling in fear. She stopped only with a supreme exertion of effort, and only for the benefit of her ponies.

Ditzy: Otherwise she would running for the hills!

Doctor: The princess was determined to look as cool as possible in front of her subjects.

The white alicorn’s smile warmed slightly as she regarded Luna.

Ditzy: (Corona) Sister! Endless hugs are in order. I have missed thee!

“Ah…” she said, taking a few steps forward. “Sister. Thou hast grown since last I set eyes upon thee.”

Doctor: (Corona) It seems like yesterday thou were just a filly in diapers. (Sniffs) Thee hast grown much.

Luna could utter only a single word in response.

Ditzy: (Luna) Poopy.

“Corona.”

Ditzy: Finally! You’re late!

Doctor: (Corona) Sorry, I desired a hayburger before I did anything.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That’s what you subject them too?” Diamond Tiara exclaim. “I didn’t know you had it in you.” Diamond Tiara sounded proud.

Dinky beamed. “That isn’t even the worst I made them read!”

“I would love to see that!” Diamond Tiara smirked. “Next time you should make read something really horrible!”

Dinky thought for a moment and nodded. “And I have one already in mind.”

The two fillies giggled evilly at each other. Silver Spoon just rolled her eyes. “So why does it have to be terrible exactly?” She asked. “Why can’t they read something good?”

“It has to bad, because they think I’m the bad guy.” Dinky explained.

Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

Now Dinky rolled her eyes. “Silver, good guys don’t lock ponies up for no apparent reason or force them to read fanfiction. I need to be the bad guy so they think I’m just another one of my dad’s foes. It’s the perfect cover!”

“I guess that makes sense.” Silver Spoon replied, but didn’t seem to really understand it.

“Wait, isn’t Heart and Hooves day coming up next week?” Diamond Tiara suddenly blurted out.

Dinky nodded. “That’s part of the reason I brought you here.” She became sheepish. “I need your help.”

Diamond Tiara thought for a moment. “Count me in!” She put a hoof over Dinky. “With our help, your parents will head over heels in love in no time!”

Silver Spoon nodded. “Alright what’s like the plan?”

“Leave it to me!” Diamond Tiara boasted. “I already have some ideas.”

The stars themselves were also moving in the sky, hurrying out of the way of the burning orb of fire, clearing a path in the brightening sky. Some of the stars were not fast enough, however. As the sun touched them, they would flare, suddenly – and then vanish utterly.

Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 9

Hello everyone. I wanted this to come out by Valentine's Day, but work kinda messed that up. Oh well. Today we will be reading chapters 9-12 of Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. The story is finally picking up! ...Sorta. Thinking about the pacing of this fic, I totally think you could cut four chapters out of it no problem. About half of the festival preparations could be cut. They don’t really mean much(And it would cut out the needless slandering of the Mane 6) and it didn’t really lead anywhere. I know the point of it is was to show that Trixie was freaking out over nothing, but if that was the case...why drag it out so long? I really wish this story had the brisk pace the MLP pilot had.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to RainbowDoubleDash for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

Also, thanks to the people of the Lunaverse group for helping me edit this riff. I really like getting feedback, and find it really helpful.

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 23 - Part 1

Dinky started prancing about nervously. Today was the big day, Hearts and Hooves Day. This could be the day when her plan finally got back on track. Her parents finally get together and she can finally get her life back. She, however, couldn’t get past the feeling of dread she felt. Despite her friend’s promises, she doubted this one day would make them instantly fall in love. The obviously had watched too many lovey dovey shows. She could at least settle for them becoming interested in each other. Even a single romantic moment would suffice.

Dinky watched her parents on the monitor. Her mother was jogging hard through the garden while her father was relaxing on a bench reading a book. Her mother over the last month or so had developed a love for running and did it at least 3 times a week after the escapade of being turned into a different species.

Dinky heard somepony enter behind her and turned to look. It was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

“How are they?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Same as always.” Dinky replied.

“Well, they’re about to receive the shake up of their lives.” Diamond Tiara boasted. Despite Dinky’s misgiving, Diamond Tiara was completely confident their plan would work one hundred percent. This constant confidence was something Dinky always liked about her. Dinky smiled and nodded.

----

Unbenounced to the Dinky and her friends, they were being watched. The entity had been watching these fillies plan for this for days. It was finally able to piece together why this filly named Dinky had trapped the Doctor here. Much to the convenience of the entity. It refused to allow this plan they’ve been working on to work.

“I’ll never allow it!” It boldly proclaimed. “There is no way I’ll allow the Doctor to be happy after what he did to me!”

Admittedly it wasn’t the revenge it wanted, but it would be a first step for its ultimate revenge. It chuckled evilly to itself. It was only fair after he ruined its life. It was slowly gaining back power after its last failed attempted to kill the Doctor, and this would set it back a little and cost it more needed energy, but it would be worth it.

“Watch out Doctor!” It thought. “This will be the first step to your inviable destruction!” It chuckled to itself. The Doctor’s end was soon.

Dinky entered the final commands into the compute, now all she had to do was spring their plan after the experiment. The computer would make the necessary changes while her parents were distracted with the experiment.

Dinky watched her parents leave the garden area for the experiment. Her mother was wiping the sweat off of her with a towel while she going to the main meeting room. Dinky was disappointed that her mother didn’t bother taking a shower and it would ruin the romantic mood a little, but it only seemed like a small factor in their big plan.

“Ew, is she really just going in all sweaty like that?” Silver Spoon said in disgust.

Dinky sighed. “Yes, but nevermind. It’s too late to do anything about it now. I doubt dad will care much anyway.” It seemed to be true. If her mom smelled bad, her dad didn’t comment on it.

“Dinky’s right.” Diamond Tiara said. “It won’t matter with what we have planned.”

The two finally got to the main meeting room and Dinky mentally prepared herself. “Hello my little test subject. Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.”

Ditzy shrugged. “Not the best way I would want to spend it, but it doesn’t matter. I’m a time traveller, so I can just go back and spend it again properly latter.”

“After what happened last Heart and Hooves Day, I’m perfectly happy spending it here. trapped in a hole in the ground.” The Doctor commented. Dinky wondered what happened and decided to ask them about it someday.

Ditzy laughed. “I can see why you would say that.”

“Besided, this is quite the pedantic holiday anyway.” The Doctor huffed.

“The Doctor isn’t much for romance.” Ditzy explained.

“What a stick in the mud.” Diamond Tiara whispered. Luckily, it was too quiet to be heard over the loudspeaker.

Dinky sighed. Why must her father be so difficult? ”Today we will be reading chapters 9,10,11,and 12 of Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. Enjoy.” Dinky gave her trademark evil laugh. She watch her parents enter the theater and started work on fine tuning their plan.

Corona’s blank eyes widened a little in surprise at Luna’s statement. “Sister, wherefore art thou calling me by such a false title? Hath a thousand years slowed thy memory?”

Ditzy: (Corona) You’ve been growing old sister.

She chuckled. “Celestia, dear sister, though I recall that thou wouldst call me Tia in thy more endearing moments – ”

Ditzy: And no, not like that you pervs!

“You are not my sister!” Luna exclaimed as she moved,

Doctor: Where is your birth certificate Celestia?!

charging forward with horn flaring with magic,

Doctor: You’re not even going to attempt to talk her down?

Ditzy: Yeah! Screw diplomacy! Violence solves everything!

wings spreading wide as she leapt for Corona.

Ditzy: Luna used tackle!

The white alicorn’s own horn glowed as Luna did so, however, and the Princess of the Moon was seized in a white aura and thrown to the ground,

Doctor: Wait, isn’t Celestia’s magic gold?

Ditzy: Maybe it’s different because she went insane. That’s why her eyes are white too! Wait no, that makes no sense.

with force that would have shattered any other pony’s bones.

Ditzy: Now that’s just cheating.

Doctor:So much for the violent approach.

Corona’s eyes had narrowed, as she spread her wings wide. “Ah,” she intoned as she began walking forward. Tiny flames would spark to life and then die beneath her hooves with each step she took.

Ditzy: She must pay a fortune repairing floors.

“I see that thou remain resentful of my power and rightful station. I had hoped that the millenium I have spent imprisoned hath been but a mistake on thy part,

Doctor: Old butterhooves Luna accidently sealed someone in a astral body again.

but it seems thy treacherous nature remains.”

Ditzy: (Corona) And don’t think I didn’t notice all the times thou cheated while playing board games.

“How did you escape?” Luna demanded, as she struggled to rise. Corona’s magic flared, however, keeping the princess firmly pressed to the ground beneath her as she leaned close to the darker alicorn, a sad look on her face.

Doctor: (Corona) It’s been a thousand years and thee have no desire to catch up at all? I’ve brought tea and biscuits for naught it seems.

“Luna…my poor, covetous sister…

Ditzy: Doctor?

Doctor: Greedy, envious, wanting something that belongs to someone else.

Ditzy: Thanks.

I am the sun. I am the elder, the rightful ruler of the earth. Thou hast great power, but I am power, the burning fires of creation itself.

Ditzy: (Corona) The internet? That was all I!

Thou couldst never overcome me without the corrupted Elements of Harmony, and even with them, thou couldst do naught but seal me away for a time.”

Doctor: And for exactly a thousand years. Who would have ever guessed that?

Ditzy: Magical prisons love their big round numbers!

Corona withdrew from her sister, wings still spread wide. “A thousand years is not so long a period, Luna, for beings such as we.

Doctor: (Corona) It gave me to time to work on that novel I’ve been wanting to do for the longest time.

‘Twas but the barest moment to mine eyes, and it took no more than that moment to break thy prison locks.

Ditzy: Yeah, but it’s still a thousand years. Didn’t you get bored?

Locks I had not dared to believe, however, that thou intended to make permanent.”

Ditzy: Seriously Princess Luna. Since when has a seal ever lasted forever? Like ever.

Doctor: (Shakes head)

Corona began walking in circles around Luna, eyes still focused upon her.

Ditzy: (Corona) Do you like my villainous monologue? I’ve had plenty of time to work on it!

“No. I had hoped that thou wouldst see reason. That thou wouldst understand that I was meant to reign over the day and the night. I am wiser. I am stronger. I am the sun.

Ditzy: Didn’t you already say that?

But thou hast a place in my realm, sister,

Doctor: As second banana.

if thou wouldst only see fit to remove the veil of jealousy from thy sight! I admit to not having thy creative spark, thine artistic abilities.

Ditzy: (Corana) I enjoy those comics thou makes about that show with the humans.

Thy nights are far more beautiful than any I could ever construct,

Doctor: (Corona) I particularly enjoyed that one time thee created ‘The Scream’ in stars.

and it would warm my heart to have thee yet manage them in my name.

Doctor: (Corona) Thou would get generous benefits with plenty of vacation time.

Thou wouldst even retain thy title of Princess, for it belongs to thee by right – as the title of Queen is mine, as is the land of Equestria and all who inhabit it.”

Doctor: (Corona) Except Detrot, thee can keep that.

Corona stopped pacing around Luna, coming to stop directly in front of her and tucking her wings back against her body. The white alicorn’s horn flared with magic once more, lifting Luna up, placing her on her hooves in front of her. Corona took several steps backwards, and the aura around Luna disappeared as Corona’s head raised slightly, and she extended one long foreleg. “Kneel before thy Queen, sister. Kiss my hoof

Ditzy: (Luna) No. Where have those hooves been?

and swear obedience, and we shall consign all this to the realm of unpleasant memories and dwell upon the matter no further.”

Doctor: (Corona) I won’t even make a tweet about it.

Luna’s horn flared with magic, but Corona, once more, was the faster. Luna was again wrapped in white magic and forced to her knees before she could launch even a single spell.

Ditzy: Wow, Princess Luna is jobbing hard.

Doctor: What, no laser beam fight?

Corona, for her part, seemed hardly surprised, only disappointed.

Ditzy: Yeah, this token resistance is embarrassing.

“Unfortunate,” she observed. “But perhaps a thousand years of ruling alone hath only heightened thine arrogant presumption.

Ditzy: And she really should have used those years to train instead of eating pastries on a couch.

Very well! I shall have to take more extreme measures with thee.”

Doctor: (Corona) Thou are going to sit in the corner and think about what thy has done!

Corona spread her wings wide, as Luna continued to fight in vain against her arcane bonds. The white alicorn’s horn began to glow brightly. “Thou art treacherous, covetous, and in all ways unbecoming of a sister of the Queen of Equestria!” Corona proclaimed. “And so, though it pains me greatly to do so, I am forced, for the good of Equestria, to banish thee from the land! Thine exile shalt be for a term of not less than one thousand and one years, and the site of thine exile shall be the moon itself!

Ditzy: (Corona) But don’t worry, I hear they have affordable condominiums there.

Thou shalt for a millennium look down upon the earth and see the glory that I, Celestia, bring to it!” A comforting look appeared on Corona’s face, an utterly alien expression for a being with blank eyes.

Ditzy: Now that was just mean and hurtful thing to say.

“But before thine exile begins, I will gift thee once more with the sound of my subject’s voices,

Doctor: (Corona) And some old Home & Garden magazines. I am sure it will keep thee well entertained.

the subjects thou reignedst over for a thousand years. Perhaps thou shalt begin to understand thine error once the praise for the return of their rightful Queen reaches thine ears!”

Ditzy: (Pony) I, for one, welcome our new sun goddess overlord!

Corona turned from Luna, raising her head high and closing her eyes as she let the silence spell she had cast over Ponyville dissipate, ready to drink in the eager…

…cries of terror and shouts of horror at what the multitude of ponies were witnessing.

Ditzy: (Rarity) That brute! She’s getting dirt and grime all over the Princess’s beautiful coat!

Corona’s eyes fluttered open at the sound, though they remained without pupil or iris.

Ditzy: Well, yeah. I wasn’t expecting her to suddenly have them after just closing her eyes.

A look of doubt appeared on her features. “What?” she demanded, looking around as though seeing the ponies for the first time. Many had fled utterly, while some remained close, paralyzed with fear or else trying to work up the courage to do something to protect their Princess and their loved ones, although what, none of them had even begun to guess.

Doctor: (Pony) I’ve got it! Pies! Everypony get all the pies you can and let her have it!

Each time Corona’s gaze would fall upon a pony, they would whimper, or recoil in horror, or find whatever small courage they had managed to gather fail and simply turn tail and flee.

Ditzy: The royal guard were hiding in a corner.

“N…nay!” Corona cried, taking several steps forward. Luna redoubled her efforts to free herself, but a glare from Corona and a reinforcement of magic kept her in her place. “Ponies, wherefore do you flee in fear? Screams of delight should be reaching mine ears, not screams of terror!”

Doctor: (Corona) Maybe the wall of fire was a bit much, but you should have gaze it in awe!

The white alicorn punctuated this remark by slamming her right hoof down upon the cobblestone street with such force that it sent a ten-foot-long

All: Hoof.

crack straight forward.

Doctor: I hope you plan on paying for that. Someone has to fix that.

Ditzy: It’s also really dangerous. Somepony could get hurt! What if a cart hit that crack wrong?!

The white alicorn’s horn glowed brightly and her wings flapped once. Instantly, scores of ponies were seized in her grasp and dragged forward, even those who had hidden inside buildings.

Doctor: (Corona) Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize thee were, um, relieving thyself. I shall leave thee to it.

Corona was careful to guide them out open doors or windows and place them all in front of her, holding them on their hooves and in place.

Ditzy: And put them is silly poses.

This easily doubled the wails of abject horror, and over and over again one word reached the white alicorn’s ears – Corona! Corona!

Ditzy: Huh, I was expecting the word to be dirtier.

Corona closed her eyes and grit her teeth. “Cease your cries! Your Queen commands silence!” she shouted, not merely enhancing her voice, but using magic to adjust its tone and inflection to be one that most ponies simply couldn’t disobey. Shortly thereafter – not instantly, but quickly enough – the screams and cries died down to a low-level murmur of whimpers and held-back tears.

Ditzy: (Pony) You jerk! I was just about to find out if the father of Moony Galore’s foal was really just a clone on the Young and the Restless!

Corona looked around at the ponies frozen in place before her. “Explain yourselves!” she commanded. “After one thousand years your rightful Queen has returned!" she approached one pony, getting close to the stallion "Wherefore do you run?" she demanded as he flinched and tried to move away. Corona snorted in disgust and turned to another. "Wherefore do you find cause for fear?”

Doctor: You terrorize a few ponies and suddenly everyone is terrified of you.

Luna stopped struggling against her bonds, breathing heavily. She looked to Corona, and the faintest grin appeared on her features. “It was the same a thousand years ago, Corona,” she said. “Don’t you remember?”

Corona turned quickly, glaring at Luna. “The filth! The spittle!” she exclaimed.

Ditzy: (Corona) The unwashed socks!

“Such lies are unbecoming of thee, sister! A thousand years ago, ‘twas thine actions that made the ponies rise against me! Thy corrupting influence in my Court!”

Doctor: (Luna) Lies! I didn’t threaten or bribe any nobles into siding with me!

“You mean the Court that you had to drag from their homes, kicking and screaming?” Luna asked. “No, wait. That was earlier. You’re referring to the Court that attended you only because you held their families hostage.”

Doctor: Corona really wanted to repeal the law that states that is illegal to serve beer and pretzels at the same time in a bar.

“Their obedience was better assured in such a manner!

Doctor: (Corona) Can thee claim thy court ran as smoothly?

But always I had the love of the common pony – ”

Ditzy: (Corona) And I’ve kissed enough foals to prove it.

“You mean to tell me you don’t remember having to threaten to burn down Canterlot and start over, ‘like a phoenix risen from the ashes,’ if everypony in the city didn’t line up for your procession that one time?”

Doctor: (Corona) I payed thousands of bits for that procession! Why shouldn’t all my subject be allowed to see it?

“Thine influence was strong in the capital! But in the rural areas – ”

“Where the revolution began?”

“It would hath gone no further had thou not – ”

“Had the Royal Guard not immediately switched sides as soon as I had stolen the Elements from you?”

Doctor: (Corona) Only because thee promised to increase their wages and give them a generous pension!

“Be silent!” Corona shouted, the aura surrounded Luna doubling in size and forcing her to the ground. She cried out in pain. “I should have known. A thousand years may not be so long for an alicorn, but for ponies…thou hast had a millennium to sew thy lies amongst my subjects. To turn me into naught more than a monster in their eyes.”

All: She’s got you there princess.

“I didn’t need to. You did that fine by yourself.”

Doctor: All she did was constantly remind everyone of your crimes.

Luna’s horn glowed, and though she did not escape Corona’s magical grip, she managed to force herself to her hooves, and look Corona in her blank eyes. “You had all you could ever want, but you wanted more. You tried to take everything. You weren’t a queen, you were a despot.

Doctor: Why must queens always be evil in this universe?

Ditzy: Maybe the power goes to their head or something?

You ceased being my sister and became something that I needed to – that I had to stop.” Her eyes narrowed. “You aren’t my Tia. You don’t deserve that name. You are Corona, the Tyrant Sun. A monster.”

Ditzy: Ok, she may be bad, but that is just mean.Princess Celestia never disowned her sister and called her a monster.

Corona’s eyes widened at so blatant an insult. “Enough! The life of a pony is as that of a gnat. As thou hast had a thousand years to sew thy lies, so shall I have a thousand to expunge them! Whatever paltry edifices thou hast raised in mine absence, I shall tear down, and raise glorious monuments of mine own.

Ditzy: (Corona) It will 50 hooves tall and be covered in gold and diamonds.

All that thou hast accomplished shall turn to ash in the fires of rebirth that shall spread across Equestria.

Doctor: (Corona) And I will delete all thy save files on thy Ponystation!

Ditzy: (Luna) You monster! I have 200 plus hours on Persona 4!

Nopony shall remember thy lies, nor even thy reign! Thou shalt be forgotten!”

Ditzy: (Corona) Not even conspiracy theorist on the internet will hear of thee!

Corona’s horn flared, the light growing painfully bright. “Thy banishment begins now, Luna!”

Luna tried, one more time, to escape from Corona’s magical aura, but her struggles were in vain as white light encompassed her completely. She opened her mouth to shout some final defiance,

Doctor: But were tastefully cut out of the fic.

but the sound of Corona’s magic drowned out whatever she tried to say as she shot straight upwards, towards the sun and the moon that lay hidden behind it, disappearing into the unnatural midday’s glare. Corona watched the white comet disappear into the sky, her face holding a bizarre, manic mixture of grim determination and sadistic glee,

Ditzy: You know author, I think that would actually be scarier if she had normal eyes.

mane and tail billowing like flames caught in a breeze but which were too determined to be put out by it.

Doctor: At least she resisted the urge to laugh maniacally.

At length, Corona turned around, looking over the ponies and letting her white aura of magic fade from them. All were too paralyzed by fear to run, instead only huddling together, trying to protect each other from Corona’s gaze. “Who among you leads this settlement?” she demanded, stamping a hoof. “Who represents my sister’s Court? Step forward and present thyself to thy returned Queen.”

Doctor: (Corona) Come now, don’t be shy.

There was a long pause, before a beige-colored earth pony began creeping forward, head low but eyes locked on Corona and fighting back tears of fright. “I…I – I’m the m-mayor of Ponyville, y-your majesty,” the pony said as she came forward and began to bow. “M-my name is – ”

“Wait!”

Corona blinked at the interruption, as a light blue unicorn, wearing a tall, purple, star-studded hat and matching cape, as well as a blue shirt and deep purple coat, pushed her way to the front of the crowd. On reaching it, and having no more ponies between her and Corona’s glare, she paused for a moment, as though regretting her actions, but then grit her teeth and made her way forward.

“I’m the one you want,” the unicorn said.

Doctor: (Trixie) Day Court position here I come!

“There would appear to be some confusion as to who leads this settlement,” Corona observed. “Explain.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Being court representative basically means I’m queen of Ponyville. Nopony cares about this yokel mayor.

Trixie stepped forward. “You asked two questions,” Trixie noted. “Who’s in charge? Who represents Luna?” The unicorn nodded to the mayor. “She’s the elected mayor of Ponyville. But if you’re looking for the representative of Luna’s Night Court…that would be me.” Trixie ground her teeth together as she closed her eyes. “Don’t – please, your majesty, don’t hurt her. Don’t hurt anypony here. If you’re looking to destroy Luna’s government, then I’m the one you want.”

Ditzy: (Claps) I didn’t know she had it in her.

Doctor: It’s about time she did something heroic.

There was long silence, broken only by the cackling of the flames that still surrounded Ponyville – and, Trixie noted, a similar sound coming from Corona’s mane and tail as well. Trixie heard hoof-steps in front of her, and dared open one eye. Corona was pacing around her and the mayor, appraising them both, as well as the gathered ponies who were still watching in abject terror, wondering if they were about to witness an execution.

Doctor: A pony the crowd started selling popcorn.

Trixie tried not to think. She tried not to think about her future and the innumerable ways that Corona could kill her, many of which would involve fire, all of which would be painful beyond belief, and few of which would be quick.

Doctor: (Corona) This is excellent! I’ve had so many years trapped on the sun to think up new and inventive ways to kill a pony!

She also tried not to think about her immediate past, and what she had just seen – Luna, Princess Luna, the immortal ruler of Equestria, her mentor, in many ways her surrogate parent for the past ten years, utterly and completely dominated by this monster, by a dark and terrible legend come to life, banished to the moon for a thousand years.

Ditzy: And one day.

Trixie would never see her again.

Ditzy: The princess’s contract went out and the author refused to renew it.

And their last true exchange had been Luna expressing how disappointed she was in Trixie –

Doctor: But hey, that was a normal day for her.

how she intended to terminate Trixie’s apprenticeship. Trixie didn’t want to die. But she did want to live up to the standards Luna had set for her – be the pony that Luna had wanted her to be.

Ditzy: The pony that was about to become well done...on second thought Trixie thought this might be a bad idea.

If that meant offering up her life to Corona for Ponyville, or even just Ponyville’s mayor, then so be it.

Corona completed her circle of the two, and settled down on her haunches as she did so, looking between the two. “Madame mayor. I have no quarrel with thee. Thou shalt leave my presence.”

Doctor: (Mayor) Thank Luna almighty! You made the right choice. Better me than that annoying waste of space mare like her!

The mayor bowed deeply – either that or her forelegs had given out in relief, but the effect was much the same – and withdrew. Corona turned her blank gaze upon Trixie, and leaned forward. “Thy name?” Corona asked.

“Trixie Lulamoon, your majesty,” Trixie responded, keeping her head bowed.

Doctor: (Corona) Lulamoon? Like the old foal’s song Skip to My Lou? Skip, skip, skip to my Lou, Skip, skip, skip to my Lou, Skip, skip, skip to my Lou, Skip to my Lou, my darlin'.

Just make it quick, she thought. That’s all I’m asking…

Doctor: (Trixie) And for Luna’s sake no wheels!

“And thy standing? Thou must be a viscountess, at least, to hold dominion over so large a settlement."

Trixie blinked a few times at that. “Uh – ” she said. Her mind whirled. Corona expected her to be a noble. She expected her to be a noble because of how large Ponyville was. Of course. A thousand years ago – when last Corona was in Equestria – Ponyville would have been considered a decent-sized city, instead of just barely more than a large town.

Ditzy: Hold on a minute. I thought Ponyville was suppose to be almost the size of a small city.

Doctor: Didn’t the story establish it to be one of the largest communities in the realm or some such.

To Corona’s blank eyes,

Doctor: So, is she blind or what?

Ditzy: Maybe it’s her over 9000 power level at work..

Ponyville seemed like a major appointment, where an important noble pony would have been entrusted to oversee it in the name of the Princess.

Doctor: Because nobility makes the best rulers.

But this paled next to the realization that Corona even cared. If all Corona had intended to do was begin the process of immolating the members of Luna’s government, Trixie would already be dead, and so would the mayor.

Ditzy: What if she just wants to have small chat first? It has been a thousand years since she has talked with anypony.

No, Corona was seeking something else…and it took only a second for Trixie to realize what, keyed in from what she had heard Luna say to Corona about Corona dragging her Court to session, then holding their families hostage to keep them there.

Doctor: (Corona) Thee are going to stay here until the filibuster ends!

Corona may have been a despot, a mad alicorn, the Tyrant Sun – but even she couldn’t run a land as large as Equestria all by herself.

Ditzy: Well, there is that duplication spell.

She needed a Court of her own to handle day-to-day affairs, and simply burning away all of Luna’s Night Court was hardly practical, especially if she really did want to try and earn the love of ponies everywhere.

Ditzy: Wait, won’t it be the other way around?

It would make far more sense to, at least in the short term –

Doctor: Until she replaces you all with her loyal followers, then kills you.

“I grow impatient,” Corona intoned.

Trixie glanced up, then bowed her head. “F-forgive me,” she said,

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m...uh...er.. a princess!

and picked a relatively middling noble rank at random. “Duchess, your majesty.”

Corona’s eyes widened slightly. “Duchess?” she asked. “What crime hath been committed by thee to warrant thy appointment here?”

Ditzy: (Corona) Did thee have an affair with one of my sister lovers?

Trixie winced – apparently she'd shot a little too high.

Ditzy: (Corona) And this really the latest fashion of the nobility? Thee more looks like a court jester.

But – yes. She could work with this. “I…had a…disagreement with Princess Luna, your majesty, over my duties. I felt I could handle more than she was giving me.” Trixie said, keeping her head bowed. “This appointment was intended as more of a banishment from the Night Court than anything.”

Corona considered Trixie, as Trixie once more dared look at Corona’s blank eyes. The white alicorn’s emotions were difficult to read thanks to those empty orbs.

Doctor: Trixie was very bad at reading body language.

She had no idea what Corona was thinking, what Corona intended to do to her. At length, the white alicorn spread her wings. “Whatever quarrel thou hast had with mine sister,” she said, “I believe to be most unfair. ‘Twas a brave thing for thee to present thyself before me. No doubt thou believed that thy very life was at stake due to the lies about me that thou hast heard from my sister."

Ditzy: (Trixie) Hehehe! Of course not! I wasn’t expecting you to burn me alive horribly or anything! No siree!

Corona stood. “I am not the monster mine sister hath claimed me to be. I am not!” she emphasized this point with a flutter of her wings. After a moment of letting her proclamation sink in to the ponies of Ponyville, she regarded Trixie with an arch look. “Equestria has languished under my sister’s clumsy hooves for too long,

Doctor: (Luna) What is this law? Eh, whatever I’ll pass it. It is too early for me to care.

Ditzy: Hmm...she might have a point. Nopony seems to like the Night Court very much.

ever since she somehow corrupted the Elements of Harmony and turned them upon me. I shall bring glory to the land once more!”

Ditzy: (Corona) Free cake for everypony!

Corona extended her right hoof. “Kiss my hoof, Duchess Trixie, and swear allegiance to my reign, now and forever.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Where has that hoof been?

Trixie paused only a moment before doing so. “I swear,” she promised. It felt like her mouth was full of bile as she did,

Doctor: Corona really liked to overdo it with hoof lotions.

but if it let her come out of this alive, along with everypony in Ponyville…even as she did, however, she struggled to keep her eyes from widening as she struck upon something that Corona had said. The Elements of Harmony.

Ditzy: With all her monologuing, of course she gave out the only way to defeat her.

Of course! All she had to do was make it out of the next few minutes alive…which, as she glanced up at Corona, suddenly seemed unlikely.

Ditzy: Doh.

Doctor: Spoke too soon.

Corona was regarding her with narrow eyes, wings spread threateningly, as she withdrew her hoof.

Doctor: (Trixie) Oh ponyfeathers! She can read minds!

“No…” the alicorn intoned. “No…’twas too easy, somehow. I find it hard to believe that a pony who would lay down her life to save another's would so easily bow to me, no matter her quarrel with my sister or her Court.”

Trixie blinked. “I – no, your majesty, it’s just, with Princess Luna gone, I – ”

“Ah…” Corona said, cutting Trixie off and grinning widely as she believed she understood the source of Trixie’s actions. “’Twas not bravery. ‘Twas a peculiar cowardice, and spite for thy former princess, and opportunism. Thou believed that thou couldst ingratiate thyself within my new Court.”

“N…y…maybe…?” Trixie asked stupidly. On the other hoof, it certainly made her sound like such a pony as Corona was describing, caught in the act.

Doctor: (Trixie) Those years at the local community theater have paid off!

Corona considered, probably weighing the value of such a pony against the fact that, at the end of the day, she really would need to, for the moment, keep Equestria’s infrastructure more-or-less intact, lest the realm collapse into anarchy.

Ditzy: But on other hoof she was just a disgraced noble without any power anymore. So burning her alive won’t really affect anything.

At length, she brightened, stepping back several paces. “An idea occurs to me,” she said. “Thy desires seem genuine enough, but thy loyalty is in question. Still, thou were willing to risk death itself for thy fellow pony. ‘Tis evidence of a shred of true nobility in thy veins, somewhere.” Corona smiled as her horn glowed.

Ditzy: Right. Maybe she’ll be a good Element of Magic after all.

Doctor: And this moment of morality feels real and not forced. Nice going.

Behind Trixie, she heard cries of terror and screams. Turning swiftly, she saw a multitude of ponies wrapped in white auras, being pulled from the crowd that Corona had assembled and dragged through the air, towards the white alicorn one at a time. Specifically, Corona was grasping foals.

Ditzy: Oh no.

Doctor: Corona isn’t a terribly original villain is she?

“No!” Trixie cried out, not thinking as her horn glowed brightly, reaching above her and trying to grab at the colts and fillies being dragged to Corona. She was powerless against the alicorn’s magic, however – it was possible that Corona didn’t even feel her feeble attempts to wrench the kicking, screaming foals from her telekinetic grasp.

Doctor: (Corona) Neener neener neener!

Trixie wasn’t even the only one – mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters all tried, with magic if they were unicorns or bare hooves and teeth if they weren’t, to hold on to their children, but against the Tyrant Sun, their efforts were wasted; indeed they were wrapped in white auras of their own and pushed back.

Trixie’s magic failed utterly,

Ditzy: We can not stress how much Trixie is sucking right now.

and her heart stopped beating, at the last foal to pass overhead, a gray-coated, yellow-maned unicorn filly who was being held onto tightly by her pegasus mother.

Ditzy: The town being in danger wasn’t enough of a motivation for me to be involved in the plot I guess.

Ditzy Doo’s eyes were focused on her Dinky Daisy Doo’s own, tears staining both their eyes as the Corona’s magic forced them apart,

Ditzy: Dang, that’s going to leave some annoying reddish-brown streaks.

driving Ditzy Doo back to the crowd and Dinky Daisy over to behind the mad alicorn. Without thinking, Trixie rushed to Ditzy’s side, magic and hooves both holding the pegasus back from charging at Corona. Other ponies tried to do likewise, but Corona only chuckled slightly as she shoved away.

Ditzy: (Corona) I am a level 99 boss character! What can thou do to me?

All in all, Corona had captured at least fifty foals, probably more.

“Of course, I shall be too busy in Canterlot to keep a good eye on them,” Corona mused aloud.

Ditzy: (Corona) Where can one get a foalsitter at this hour?

At random, a handful of other ponies were dragged forward, much as the foals had been, though with less resistance as the Ponyvillians were still trying to recover from their children having been stolen. Among them, Trixie saw, was the cream-colored, blue-and-pink haired marefriend of Lyra.

Doctor: How convenient.

Ditzy: Hey, this gives Bon-Bon opportunity to fight Corona from within!

Corona’s eyes narrowed as her horn flared. “Fear not, my subjects,” the Tyrant Sun said. “They are merely my hostages.

Doctor: Oh, is that all.

Ditzy: What’s to worry about? They are only being held captive by a nutso pony with a goddess complex.

They shall ensure the loyalty and stability of this settlement, with the mares and stallions I have taken to keep the colts and fillies in good health.”

Ditzy: (Corona) We shall have a pizza party at the castle.

Corona leaned forward, towards Trixie, as the flames around Ponyville finally disappeared. “And this shalt be thy test. Keep Ponyville ordered and secure, and thou shalt need not fear for thy fellow pony. Provided, of course, thou survive thy fellow pony’s judgement.”

Doctor: (Corona) And try not to blame Duchess Trixie too harshly for bringing this upon you.

With that, Corona beat her wings, taking to the air, and dragging the screaming foals and adult ponies with her. Once she was hovering over Ponyville, she stood as though the air were solid ground, smiling widely. “Rejoice, my subjects!” Corona called. “Your true queen hath returned! In celebration, there shall be an unbroken ten days of glorious sunshine!

Ditzy: You mad pony! Think of all the sunburns!

On the tenth day, if all has gone as I wish it – if I am obeyed – your foals shall be returned to you. If otherwise…” Corona let her sentence hang, feeling no need to complete it.

Doctor: (Pony) Wait, so what’s going to happen if we don’t?

Ditzy: (Corona) I’m going to kill the hostages.

Doctor: (Pony) Oh, thank you!

With a burst of light and a strong beat of her wings, she was off, dragging the ponies held in her magical grip behind her.

Ditzy: She absentmindedly twirled them in the sky with her magic.

All eyes turned to where Trixie had been holding Ditzy Doo –

Doctor: (Pony) Quick grab her before she does something rash!

Ditzy: (Pony) Keep her away from chainsaws!

or at least all the eyes of everypony who wasn’t too broken by the events that had just occurred to do anything other than stand in shock or weep. But the unicorn was already gone from sight, as was Ditzy Doo.

Doctor: Oh dear.

Ditzy: Corona you screwed up royally now!

Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 10

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 23 - Part 2

Oddly, Trixie didn’t feel nervous about the fact that, with the sun directly overhead, it was essentially midday.

All: (Gasp)

Ditzy: The horror! The horror!

Perhaps that superstition was keyed more to the time of day than the position of the sun;

Doctor: The superstition starts at exactly 11:99 AM.

either that or she was so terrified right now that mere nervousness over the unnatural midday wasn’t capable of registering beyond abstractly noting its absence.

Ditzy: She can run back and forth screaming later.

Trixie opened the door to her house, closed it, and let the invisibility spell she had wrapped around her and Ditzy Doo, whom she was carrying on her back, slide off of them. On seeing Ditzy Doo, she almost wished she hadn’t.

Doctor: Her eyes promised a reckoning.

The pegasus mare’s eyes were wide with panic, and she was holding onto Trixie tightly, sobbing without shame into the unicorn’s mane.

Doctor: Poor thing. I know how that can feel.

“DinkyDaisy!” Ditzy cried out as Trixie made her way into her living room, suddenly finding life in her limbs as her wings began beating frantically, lifting herself off of Trixie’s back and straight up. She was stopped only by the room’s ceiling, and came crashing down to the floor again.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Where did that come from?

Trixie leapt on top of her before the mare could get her hooves under her and go racing outside.

Ditzy: (Trixie) You have to, uh, stay for tea! It would be rude to not accept my hospitality! That’s it!

“Ditzy!” Trixie cried as she held the pegasus down. “Ditzy! Stop! You can’t – ”

“Get off!” Ditzy Doo interrupted, foreleg lashing out and hitting Trixie squarely in her jaw. The unicorn stumbled backwards, and Ditzy began running, but Trixie was faster and was once again atop her.

Doctor: And not even fazedfrom the kick.

Ditzy: She just rolled really well.

“Get off of me! I have to save her!” Ditzy cried out.

“You can’t!”

“Yes I can!” Ditzy shouted, rolling over onto her back in order to buck Trixie.

Doctor: She shouldn’t be too worried considering what little damage the last kick did.

The unicorn’s horn pulsed with magic and stopped the blow, then Trixie once again threw herself atop Ditzy Doo, holding her down. She did not stop struggling in the slightest. “She’s my daughter! I have to save her! I have – ”

“You can’t!” Trixie repeated.

Doctor: (Trixie) She’s probably dead already! No, wait. That didn’t come out right.

She stopped holding Ditzy Doo down, and instead switched to embracing the pegasus. Unsurprisingly, Ditzy latched onto Trixie, once again crying her eyes out – she wasn’t going to run out of tears any time soon, it seemed.

Trixie felt her own eyes watering as well.

Ditzy: (Sniff) Don’t do that. I’ll start crying too.

“I’m sorry…” Trixie begged. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know Corona would do that. I didn’t know, I was just trying to save the mayor, I thought I was going to die but then I thought I found a way to make it out and then nopony would be hurt and I didn’t know…”

The two ponies remained on the floor of Trixie’s living room for several minutes, just holding each other, one wracked with feelings of failure and the other with guilt.

Ditzy: Which way? It could be either.

At length, Trixie forced herself to pull away from Ditzy Doo, and got onto her shaking hooves, her expression dark.

Doctor: (Trixie) By Luna’s starry mane Corona will pay for this!

“She’ll be fine if – ” Trixie began, when the window to her living room exploded inwards in a shower of wood and glass.

Ditzy: Dear Celestia! The mob is hurling bombs at Trixie’s house!

Trixie’s horn flared, but she didn’t have time to react as a jasmine-and-blue blur slammed into her and forcing her back against her wall.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Ah my spine!

Doctor: And Trixie was never able to walk again. The end.

Trixie’s eyes widened as they locked onto Raindrops’ own. “W-wait, I – ” the unicorn started.

“There’s maybe fifteen seconds before half of Ponyville arrives here,” Raindrops interrupted as she pulled away from Trixie.

Doctor: Maybe it was a bad idea to hide in the most obvious place possible.

Trixie began to speak, but the weather pony’s hoof was near-instantly in her mouth,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Bleh, did you roll around in sewage before you got here?

shutting her up. “You. Carrot Top’s. Run.”

Ditzy: Oh course! Go to the house of the pony most ponies barely remember even exists! Perfect plan!

Trixie blinked once in shock, before survival instinct kicked in. She cast her familiar invisibility-and-silence-spell combo –

Doctor: Ah, but the mob will be expecting that so they are spreading flour around to uncover you!

eliciting a slightly raised eyebrow from Raindrops at the sight of her being erased from the visible spectrum – before dashing off as fast as her hooves could take her. On her way out of her home, through the same hole that Raindrops had made while entering,

Doctor: I really hope she’s planning on paying for that.

she saw the mob of ponies approaching her house, cries of traitor and monster on their lips. The mob was surprisingly small; then again, she supposed that a large number of ponies would still be paralyzed with fear and terror over what had just happened.

Doctor: Actually, they were at Pitchforks, Torches, and Pet Food stocking up on mob supplies.

Despite nopony being able to see her, and so being supposedly perfectly safe, Trixie ran for her life from Ponyville.

Ditzy: Until a can of paint comically fell on her.

Carrot Top jumped as her door opened and closed of its own accord not long after she had arrived home herself with Lyra and Cheerilee,

Ditzy: (Carrot) I knew I should’ve never bought a house build over a buffalo burial ground!

and was startled again when a blue-coated, white-maned, purple-clad unicorn appeared from nowhere only a few feet away from her, barrel heaving.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Running *huff* should be outlawed! *huff*

She looked to Carrot Top. “Hi – ” Trixie began, when she found herself seized in a golden magical aura and hurled upwards, into the ceiling of Carrot Top’s living room.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Ahhhh! Hey, Carrot Top really needs to clean her ceiling fan. It’s disgusting!

“You!” Lyra – still wearing her white-and-gold dress – exclaimed, charging forward despite a magenta earth pony’s attempts to stop her. “It’s your fault! BonBon’s been kidnapped, I’ll never see her again, and it’s your fault!”

Ditzy: (Lyra) We’ve only been through 20 positions of the Lesbian Pony Sutra! We were planning a wild night tonight involving…

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s more than enough information thank you.

Trixie grunted, her own horn flashing and shoving Lyra’s telekinesis off of her. She managed to fall from the ceiling and land on her hooves without problem,

Ditzy: Trixie was part cat on her mother’s side.

and both Carrot Top and Cheerilee managed to stop Lyra’s attempts to abandon telekinesis and use her bare hooves on Trixie.

All: Fight fight fight!

The blue unicorn nevertheless began backing away, but then the door opened again, and Raindrops entered, half-carrying a still-distraught Ditzy Doo with her. The jasmine-coated pegasi

Doctor: I see this fic is developing a strong case in Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.

glared at Trixie as she did, closing the door behind her firmly before taking in a few deep breaths and letting them out slowly.

Trixie looked around at the situation. Lyra had stopped trying to cause grievous harm to Trixie, instead falling to her knees and crying, with Cheerilee beside her and holding her. Ditzy Doo was at least as distraught;

Doctor: Okay Trixie, now’s the time to say something encouraging and get everyone out of this rut.

Trixie made her way over to the gray pegasus took up a similar role as Cheerilee’s for Lyra, before looking to Raindrops and Carrot Top.

“Okay,” she said, “why are you helping me?”

Doctor: Or not.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Ah, of course! The tax extension! Don’t worry, for this I will give you eighty tax extensions!

“You were trying to save the mayor,” Raindrops observed. “Just about everypony in Ponyville’s too angry and too scared to see that right now, but I know that’s what you were trying to do.” Her eyes narrowed, then, and she leaned in close to Trixie. “Right? Because if Corona was right – if you really were just kissing her flank to save your behind – “

Ditzy: (Raindrops) I really hope you know a good dentist.

“No!” Trixie interrupted, though she paused. “Not – I was trying to save the mayor. I was ready to die.

Doctor: (Lyra) Oh please. She hasn’t shown a redeeming characteristic this entire story! And one nice thing doesn’t undo every horrible, selfish things she’s done so far!

But then Corona asked me about my noble title and I realized that she wanted me alive because she’s going to need to keep the government intact in order to actually run Equestria, and I thought I saw a way out, a way for me to survive and the mayor to survive and everypony to just make it out okay! I didn’t know she’d kidnap ponies!” Trixie hugged Ditzy Doo tighter at that, as the mare’s tears resumed with even greater vigor. She glared at Raindrops. “But why are you helping me? You and Carrot Top? You two hate me! Princess Luna told me so!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) She told me that you said that you wanted me publicly flogged and executed!

Doctor: (Raindrops) Some things may have been said in anger, but I didn’t mean it! (Mostly)

Raindrops jabbed a hoof at Cheerilee. The magenta earth pony blinked a few times, looking between the five other ponies.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Why me?

Ditzy: Raindrops really hates public speaking.

“I saw what you were doing,” she said. “With the mayor, trying to save her.

Doctor: (Sighs) Yes, I think that point has been firmly established already.

I heard what you were saying, and I know you were just trying to make it out okay, but everypony was getting so mad. I’d heard from Princess Luna that you and Raindrops knew each other, so I got her, and got Lyra, and Lyra suggested Carrot Top’s, and we were going to help you hide since the residency wouldn’t be safe for you,

Doctor: (Cheerilee) We were planning on smuggling you out of the country to Yakyakistan.

but then Corona took the foals…”

“But I thought you hated me. I thought you all hated me.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Compassion and generosity are traits few ponies possess.

“That doesn’t mean we want to see you mobbed.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Not even a little?

“Not even Raindrops?”

The jasmine pegasus whickered. “No. You’re mine.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) Only I’m allowed to kill you!

“Besides,” Cheerilee said, “I know you were just trying your best to make the festival a good – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) Yep! That’s totally it!

“What do we do?” Carrot Top interrupted suddenly, as the situation became too much for her. She began to pace in place. “Corona’s free and Princess Luna is gone and I’m harboring a traitor to Equestria – ”

Ditzy: (Carrot) Anypony else think we should just throw in with Corona? I could need a career change.

“I’m not a traitor!” Trixie shouted.

“You look like one!” Carrot Top countered.

Doctor: (Carrot) I say we just throw the filthy traitor to the mob and be done with her.

“Even though you’re not you look like one and they’re going to search all the houses in Ponyville

Ditzy: (Carrot) And when they discover you are here they are going to burn my house down to smoke you out!

and they’ll find you and lynch you and lynch me for harboring you and then Corona is going to get mad and kill all the – ”

Doctor: (Carrot) I’ve got it! We compromise. We let the mob lynch Trixie, but not enough to kill her. The mob goes away happy, order is restored, and the hostages are returned! It’s the perfect plan!

Carrot Top’s ranting was stopped by Raindrops shoving a hoof in her mouth. A long silence began, interrupted only by the gasping sobs of Ditzy Doo and Lyra.

Ditzy: And Raindrops kept her hoof in Carrot Top’s mouth the entire time.

Doctor: She really likes to do that for some reason.

“That’s not going to happen,” Trixie intoned after awhile. “Corona won’t kill anypony. I’ll…I’ll just hide for as long as it takes for Ponyville to calm down.

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ll wear a pair of glasses and nopony will be able to recognize me.

Corona said she’d return everypony she took as long as Ponyville obeyed all her commands. All that needs to happen is that and for me to not be stupid and run into the Everfree.”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) No don’t do that! Don’t give up hope! We can do this! Where there is life there is hope!

“Why would you go there?” Cheerilee asked.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) You want to be torn to shreds by timberwolves?

Trixie grimaced, looking down. “I thought I could get the…nevermind. Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“No,” Raindrops said, stomping forward. “Get what? What are you talking about?”

Trixie looked up. Raindrops’ eyes were narrow as she regarded Trixie. The unicorn stared for a long moment before letting out a sigh. “Okay,” she said. “Technically this is a state secret. But it’s not in any law books or official orders or anything, it’s just something that only me and Princess Luna and maybe a few others know. Okay?”

Raindrops nodded.

Doctor: (Raindrops) I get it. If we talk, the princess will send the Shadowbolts to silence us!

Trixie looked to each of the remaining four ponies; Lyra and Ditzy Doo were still mostly lost in their sadness, while Carrot Top and Cheerilee also nodded in understanding. Sighing, Trixie pressed on. “While I was talking to Corona, but before she took the foals, I thought I knew some way to get rid of her. I thought I’d go get the Elements of Harmony.”

Carrot Top blinked a few times. “You wanted to go to Canterlot?” she exclaimed. “Where there’s a good chance Corona is going to be setting everything on fire?”

Ditzy: So everypony thinks the Elements are real too… Does Luna keep anything secret?

Doctor: Luna makes the necroponicon required reading for school foals.

Trixie shook her head. “The Elements aren’t in Canterlot.”

Doctor: They’re in a warehouse full of the various artifacts Princess Luna has come across over the years. Like the Ark of the Covhoovant.

“Yes they are,” Cheerilee objected, standing, though she remained close to Lyra. “They’re on display in the palace.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) You can get keychain versions of them at the palace gift shop.

I’ve seen them, we went there on a field trip when I was a filly, Lyra and all the other unicorns kept going on about how much magic was coming off of them – “

“Those aren’t the Elements,” Trixie explained. “They’re fakes. Just six random gemstones that Princess Luna pours tons of magic into every year to make them seem like they’re the Elements.

Ditzy: (Trixie) She got them a flea market apparently.

I only know because my special talent is magic,

Doctor: Which isn’t that rare an ability. So why has no one else figured this out?

and I’ve got a really good feel for magic too, and after I started my apprenticeship with Luna and she taught me the detect magic spell I used to cast it on everything.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Did you know the toilet paper dispensers in the castle are magically enchanted to never run out of paper?

I cast it on Luna once when she raised the moon and I went blind for three days from how much magic she lets out while doing that.

Ditzy: Basically the equivalent of a scouter exploding happened to her.

But when I cast it on the Elements, I didn’t even get a headache.

Doctor: (Trixie) Why I actually thought that was a good idea, I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to get out of a test or something.

I thought that was weird – y’know, they’re the Elements and all –

Ditzy: (Trixie) I should have been in horrible agony.

and I asked Princess Luna about it, so she showed me the real Elements.”

Cheerilee blinked. “Why would Princess Luna lie about that?”

Doctor: Because it’s a stupid idea to display objects of such power where anyone can get them?

“Because the real Elements are petrified rocks,” Trixie said. “They’re in the Everfree Forest, in the ruins of the Palace of the Royal Pony Sisters. After Luna banished Corona to the sun, they just went inert and kind of froze in place. No force – not even Luna herself – could move them.

Ditzy: Didn’t Twilight lift them easily?

Doctor: Is another one of those ‘It’s an alternate universe don’t question it’ matters?

Luna didn’t want everypony to know that, though. So she made the fakes.”

Doctor: Otherwise she would kept them out on display no problem.

Ditzy: Again, why didn’t she just make them a secret and forget this decoy business.

“And she just left the real ones unguarded?” Carrot Top asked. “Why?”

Trixie grimaced. “Not exactly ungaurded. There’s traps, and of course they’re in the middle of the Everfree and all its monsters.

Ditzy: And there is a sign that says ‘These are totally not the Elements of Harmony’.

As for why, Princess Luna didn’t say, but at a guess I’d say she just didn’t want to ever have to go back to where she’d fought the Tyrant Sun.”

Ditzy: Didn’t you just say the princess brought you on field trip there?

Trixie shook her mane. “I thought that if I could get to the Elements of Harmony, I might find some way of getting them free and using them on Corona.

Doctor: (Lyra) Hold on a second. If the princess in her millennia of knowledge, experience, and wisdom couldn’t get them free, that makes you think you can?

But not now, not while she has those hostages…”

“No,” Raindrops said. She wasn’t looking at Trixie, but rather down at the ground, eyes moving a little as though reading. “No, we have to go now. Now’s the perfect time.”

“What?” the five other ponies in the room demanded, with Trixie appending a “and where’s this we coming from?” to her objection.

Raindrops looked between them. “Corona has her hooves full right now,” she pointed out. “That’s why she took all those mares and stallions with her, remember? To keep an eye on the foals. She has a government to overthrow and bring over to her side, and she’ll probably have to do a repeat of what she did with Trixie in most other towns and cities in Equestria,

Ditzy: It’s called the Corona Equestrian Tour.

at least until she forces everypony else to bow to her. Plus, there’s the Royal Guard.”

All: (Burst out laughing)

Ditzy: Right, like how they were so useful protecting Luna from Corona.

“They can’t win,” Carrot Top objected, shaking her head morosely at the thought.

“But they’ll fight anyway,” Raindrops pointed out. “They’ll be buying us time without even knowing. If the Elements can work at all, then now is our best chance to get them.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) Sure, hundreds of them will die in horrible burning agony, but they died for a worthy cause.

“But Corona…” Lyra objected, as she and Ditzy stood. “Corona will kill BonBon and all those foals if she finds out what we’re doing!”

Ditzy: (Lyra) And if Bon Bon dies I will be forever alone!

Raindrops fixed Lyra with a sad look, then turned to Ditzy as well. “If we wait,” she said, “then we’ll never get this opportunity again. One of the first things Corona is going to do, when she gets a chance, is check out where everypony thinks the Elements are. If she realizes they’re fakes,

Doctor: (Corona) It's a faaaaaake!

she’ll start hunting for the real ones.

Ditzy: (Corona) Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting Elements!

And the first place you look for something is the last place you saw it.”

Ditzy: After checking the local lost and found.

She looked between the five other ponies. “Come on,” she said. “We all know the stories about Corona. The legends. What she’s like. We’ve seen what she’s capable of. We saw what she did to Princess Luna.

Doctor: (Carrot) How easily she could crush us into dust with a thought if we opposed her?

Those ponies she kidnapped won’t be safe until Corona is back in the sun where she belongs.”

Ditzy: Have you ever considered talking her down and getting her therapy? That would work too, and she won’t inevitably escape to wreak havoc again.

“But where’s this we coming from?” Trixie repeated, stepping forward. “It’s too dangerous. I wasn’t even thinking of asking anypony to come with me – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) You think I want to share my experience points with you?

Raindrops snorted. “Like you’d last five minutes in the Everfree by yourself.”

Ditzy: Yeah, you might be attacked by assaulted by tentacles or something!

“Not the point.”

“I know. I also know that now that I know there’s a chance of stopping Corona, I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try.”

Trixie searched the pegasus’ face.

Doctor: (Trixie) Oh please, I bet she’s just doing this to get a movie made about her or something.

Despite her words and tone, her expression remained surprisingly neutral. “Fine,” she said. “I guess I could use a set of wings, anyway. The rest of you – ”

“I’m coming too,” Cheerilee said, stepping forward. “Those foals are my students, or a lot of them are, anyway. I have to try and save them.”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) And I didn’t grade all those paper for nothing.

Trixie began to object, when Carrot Top stepped forwards. “Me too,” she said. “I know a lot about the flora of the Everfree Forest. I might be able to help you.”

Doctor: How convenient.

Ditzy: You could have at least hinted about this before bring this up. This character trait came out of nowhere. And, come to think of it, doesn’t really match her character.

Trixie looked between the three ponies. “Okay…” she acquiesced. “Okay. So the four of us – ”

“I’m coming too,” Lyra interrupted, wiping her tears from her eyes.

Doctor: (Trixie) Oh for, this isn’t a camping trip! It’s ripe with danger and most of us probably won’t come back alive!

“Raindrops…Raindrops is right. BonBon won’t be safe unless Corona is sealed away again. Plus, Trixie, your special talent might be magic, but I actually went to the magic academy. I might be able to help with freeing the Elements.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) And, unlike you, I actually learned something.

“Fine,” Trixie said, shaking her head. “Fine. Ditzy Doo, I guess you should go home and – ”

“I’m already at the door,” Ditzy Doo’s voice said. Everypony turned to look at her. Her wings were no longer sagging with sorrow, but instead were held at the ready, and her face, though her eyes were still red from tears and walled, was set with a look of determination.

Doctor: If you think Ditzy is ever going to just sit on the sidelines, you are sorely mistaken. I’ve never once convinced her to stay behind for any reason.

Ditzy: Come on Doctor. Do you think I would leave you to fight some horrible monster alone?

“I’m coming too. Dinky Daisy Doo would want me to try and save her.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Well, actually she would prefer Batpony, but the costume is at the cleaners.

Doctor: Should she be saved though? It would save quite a few ponies from type 2 diabetes.

Trixie blinked, looking between the five ponies. “No,” she said in a small voice, though it was louder for her next proclamation. For some reason, she felt she had to try and stop them, stop this madness. “No! This is stupid! We’re going to get everypony killed!”

“Fine,” Raindrops said. “We’ve still got Lyra for unicorn magic. The five of us will go into the Everfree. You can stay behind.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) I’m sure she’ll make a better bearer of the Element of Magic anyway.

Trixie blinked. “Are you trying reverse psychology on me?”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Yes.

Doctor: (Trixie) Ah ha! So you are aren’t! Phew, that’s a relief.

Raindrops’ expression clearly asked do I look like the kind of pony who’d try that, even though she herself remained silent. Instead, Cheerilee stepped up to Trixie. “Nopony will blame you,” she said. “You must have been close to Princess Luna…if you don’t think you can handle this right now, we’ll understand.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) We understand if you want to hide in a corner while the big girls handle everything.

Trixie recoiled a little. She’d managed to not think about seeing Princess Luna so soundly thrashed by Corona…not think about the fact that Luna was gone, sealed away for a millennium…

Doctor: And a day.

for several minutes now. The image of Corona’s magic sending Luna away in a white comet, straight into the sky, came rushing back to her.

Ditzy: How she crush Luna with barely a thought.

Even if they won…even if they somehow, against all odds, got the Elements, figured out how to make them work, and then used them on Corona…would that bring Luna back?

Doctor: The idea of the Night Court alone in charge of Equestria was a terrifying thought.

Trixie looked to Lyra and Ditzy Doo. The former had lost the love of her life. The latter had lost her daughter. Both were willing to put everything on the line nevertheless. Luna would never forgive her if she didn’t act –

Ditzy: Princesses always encourage suicidal quests to save the day.

and just as importantly, Trixie would never be able to forgive herself. Trixie didn’t consider herself a principled mare,

Doctor: She thought having principles was for other ponies.

but whatever principles she did have, now was the time to be honest with herself about them.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m worst pony.

Trixie also grimaced as she looked each of the ponies in the eye.

Doctor: The way they were silently judging her.

She had been horrible to them over the past few days – well, not Ditzy Doo so much,

Ditzy: And being mean to me is like kicking a puppy.

but certainly Lyra, Raindrops, Cheerilee, and Carrot Top. But these ponies were still willing to go on what she said to try and save Equestria from the mad alicorn queen now trying to take it over – and had been willing to try and help her from everypony in Ponyville landing on her like a ton of bricks.

Doctor: And come to think of it, being a total jerk to everyone really never worked out for her.

“I’m going too,” she said. “And…and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the last two days. I’m sorry for the way I treated you all. I’m sorry for the weather-for-hire ponies, for the blackmail, for calling you useless, for butting in where I wasn’t wanted, for manipulating you to do what I wanted to try and get back at Luna over something stupid that was all in my head…” Trixie looked down. “I’m sorry. If this all goes to the sun, I just want you to know that.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) So this what character development feels like...It’s pretty good.

The other ponies looked between each other.

Doctor: (Lyra) Are you buying this?

After a moment, Cheerilee, Ditzy Doo, Carrot Top, and Lyra all nodded. “Just don’t do it again,” Cheerilee said.

Ditzy: Who elected Cheerilee spokespony of the group?

“Provided there is an again for us.”

Ditzy: Don’t say that. You’ll jinx it.

Trixie nodded once, before looking hopefully at Raindrops. The pegasus considered Trixie for a long moment, analyzing her.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) My cybertronic brain tells me there is a 98.992 percent chance you are being sincere.

For once in her life – or at least for the first time in a long time – Trixie willingly let the emotions she was feeling just display themselves on her face. “Alright,” the pegasus declared at length, waving a hoof as though casting off the murderous intent she’d possessed earlier in the day.

Ditzy: There is something serious wrong with that pony.

“But if you ever do anything like this again, I’m going to hit you. Hard.”

“Fine by me,” Trixie said. “As hard as you want.”

Doctor: Ahem. Aren’t you forgetting her ability to break concrete?

Raindrops nodded as she headed towards the door to Carrot Top’s house. “I’m holding you to that,” she promised.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s fine. Maim me as much as you want! Beat me senseless! Don’t hold back! If you want to break my spine and paralysis me for life, so be it!

Doctor: (Raindrops) Uh, I only wanted to punch you in the face a little...

Ditzy: (Trixie) No! That isn’t enough! I want to feel to full extent of my crimes! I want to be nothing but a broken piece of meat by the time you are done with me!

Doctor: (Raindrops) We really need to get going! Those hostages aren’t going to rescue themselves!

Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 11

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 23 - Part 3

“Trixie, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest,” Lyra said as they trotted through the Everfree.

Doctor: (Trixie) If it’s ‘Are we there yet?’ I am going to kick you out the party right now!

Trixie stopped on the rough trail, looked around, and then let out a long sigh. “Yes,” she said, knowing what Lyra was going to ask. “Yes. I’m lost. Or at least I don’t know where I’m going.

Doctor: I don't know where I've been

'Cause I haven't seen my baby

Since I don't know when

When Princess Luna brought me here, we flew in, and it was years ago, and I wasn’t trying to remember the way.”

Ditzy: Shouldn’t Carrot Top know the way? She’s been here all the time apparently.

“Great,” Carrot Top declared, rolling her eyes as the rest of the ponies all came to a stop,

Doctor: (Carrot) Gah, you’re useless. Why did we bring you again?

and all six tried very hard not to think about the fact that they were standing idly under the gnarled, twisted boughs of the Everfree Forest.

Ditzy: How any number of unspeakable horrors could strike at them at any moment.

Something was wrong with the Everfree

Doctor: Understatement of the century.

– no, not quite that, Trixie thought.

Doctor: It was only slightly evil.

Something being wrong with the Everfree implied that there was some outside force causing its peculiarity.

Ditzy: So no, aliens aren’t responsible for the Everfree’s weirdness.

Trixie was fairly certain, however, that instead something was simply wrong about the Everfree Forest. The trees and plants grew on their own, according to their own designs.

Ditzy: (Plant) I want to look like a kitty cat!

The creatures – the animals, yes, but also the other things in here – took care of themselves.

Doctor: Worked 8 to 5 to pay the rent.

And the weather, as Trixie had recently learned, also moved and changed seemingly randomly.

Ditzy: Like Whinnesota.

Theoretically, the eerie feeling of the Everfree should have been lessened by the sun hanging high overhead.

Doctor: But it was the sun, which was of the devil!

It may have been midday,

Ditzy: Not really. It isn’t actually noon.

still, but it was also the middle of winter, even in the Everfree, meaning that the trees had no leaves on them and plenty of sunlight was shining into the forest, lighting its darkest corners.

Doctor: Which really does kill the horror quite a bit. It isn’t particularly scary when something tries to jump out at you from a well lit corner.

On the other hoof, not only was the sun shining in the clear blue skies – still faintly studded with stars beyond the disc’s glare – but it seemed to be burning with more intensity than was natural for the season.

Ditzy: Which still isn’t scary in the slightest. I’ll take that over a pitch black forest anyday.

The snow and ice that blanketed the Everfree was melting quickly, making the air unexpectedly stifling, especially for six ponies clad in winter capes and hats. The two unicorns in the group, at least, were grateful that they had thought to leave their additional articles of clothing behind at Carrot Top’s.

Ditzy: Canterlot unicorns hate getting sweaty.

“Hang on,” Raindrops said, beating her wings and rising. “I’ll see if I can get us a point of reference or spot the ruins…”

Ditzy: Well, she’s dead.

Doctor: Haven’t you seen a horror movie before? The one that goes off on their own always mets a horrible, terrible fate.

Ditzy: Don’t split the party you dolt!

The other five ponies watched her rise into the sky, then looked between each other awkwardly. So far, their valiant quest to save Equestria and its ponies had amounted to a walk through a humid forest full of melting snow, bothered only by their imaginations and the stories of the place.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) Have you ever heard about the one about the blankflanked zombies? I hear they lure you into their village and turn you into one of them, dooming your soul there for all eternity!

The silence stretched.

After a moment, it continued to stretch.

And eventually, it proceeded to continue to stretch.

Doctor: Yep, and it keeps going.

Ditzy: The whole fic is going to be just this.

“Somepony,” Carrot Top broke the silence at last, eliciting a startled jump from Trixie and Ditzy Doo both, though the others handled it somewhat better, “please just say or do something so I can stop thinking about the past few hours.”

Doctor: But, it isn’t like you had a love one taken from you. So why are you so broken up about what happened?

There was a pause that threatened to become another bout of awkward silence before

Ditzy: Awkward Silence: The Fanfic.

Cheerilee spoke up. “Well,” she said. “Apart from Lyra, I don’t know most of you very well. So how about we start with that?”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I want a ten page report about your life and interests.

She nodded to herself at the thought. “Just like on the first day of class, or when a new student comes in, they introduce themselves and say a little about…”

Doctor: And it is a quick and lazy way to explain to the audience what they characters are like.

she trailed off after a moment at the looks from the other ponies, and hung her head. “Sorry…stupid idea…”

Doctor: Imagine a story spending an entire chapter having the characters’ explain their life stories instead of trying to save their love ones who have been kidnapped by a insane alicorn.

Ditzy: Oh no. This is going to be like that one chapter in Guardians of Magic all over again isn’t it?

Ditzy Doo shifted uncomfortably for a moment, before stepping forward. “Hi everypony,” she said, her voice somewhat monotone. “I’m Ditzy Doo.

All: Hi Ditzy.

I deliver the mail to you,” she pointed to Lyra, “and you, or I will once you start getting some,” she pointed to Trixie, then finished by pointing straight up, “and to Raindrops. I have a very severe case of strabismus – walled eyes – and have since I was born.”

Ditzy: Yep, no tragic backstory. Sorry fanfic writers.

She thought a moment, scratching the back of her head with one hoof in thought, before chuckling. “And I’m a horrible judge of character when it comes to stallions.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It turns out my last coltfriend thought Pony Trek Into Darkness was a far superior movie to the Wrath of Khan. I couldn’t dump him fast enough.

Her low laughter prompted similar chortles from the other ponies. Trixie assumed that Ditzy was referring to whatever circumstances saw her carrying and raising Dinky Daisy Doo at so young an age.

Doctor: (Trixie) The creep probably left her after he found out she was pregnant and refused to take responsibility for his child.

It was probably a good sign that Ditzy Doo was able to laugh at the situation.

Ditzy: She was surprised at the lack of cursing her ex to Tartarus.

Cheerilee nodded. “Oh!” she said. “And your cutie mark? Your special talent?”

Ditzy Doo blinked. “Um…” she said, looking at her flank, where seven bubbles floated. “Air currents. I’m really good at feeling air currents, even tiny breezes. I’d probably be a weather pony if not for my disability.”

Ditzy: What? That’s never been a problem for me!

Doctor: Aren’t there employment discrimination laws against that?

Ditzy: Yeah! I could probably sue actually!

Cheerilee offered a polite series of hoof-stamps for Ditzy Doo,

Doctor: They aren’t a bunch of foals Cheerilee.

and the other four ponies, despite themselves, joined in. “Okay,” she said, “who’s next?”

Ditzy: Ugh, is this whole chapter going to be just them reading their Ponybook profile?

Doctor: (Sighs) So it would seem. You best get comfortable.

“Me,” Lyra volunteered. Trixie did not find it surprising that the two ponies who’d personally lost somepony were the most eager to take part in Cheerilee’s little exercise, to try and forget about Corona stealing their loved ones.

Ditzy: It’s almost like that’s important or something!

“Lyra Heartstrings. My special talent is music, especially strings and especially the lyre, but I can play just about anything you put in front of me,

Ditzy: Oh! Can you play the stroh violin?

Doctor: Can you play the Gyjvrenculkan guitar? They have 16 arms.

and I’m a good singer, too.

Doctor: (Lyra) You might know me from my work as an underground rap artist. I’m pretty big in the Canterlot clubbing scene.

I’ve just spent three years at Luna’s magic academy on a music scholarship.

Doctor: (Lyra) Now I only have 10 years left of payments on my student loans!

And I…” she got up on her hind legs, wobbling a little before balancing, “can do…” she began leaning backwards, almost falling over, but her forelegs arched out over her head in a thoroughly painful-looking position, “this!”

Ditzy: So you’re into yoga, so what?

The five ponies stared at Lyra, now with her horn nearly brushing the ground beneath her, legs splayed out unnaturally and with a grin on her face. “Ew,” Trixie declared. “Ew.”

Doctor: Hey, maybe you could use that in one of your next acts.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Carrot Top asked.

Lyra let herself fall onto her back, before picking herself up. “Not really,” she remarked. “I’m double-jointed pretty much everywhere.”

Doctor: (Trixie) You should join a circus sideshow!

“Ew,” Trixie repeated. Lyra stuck her tongue out at her, prompting another round of low laughter from the group. Thankfully, Lyra didn’t seem to have – or else chose not to demonstrate – any facial contortion talents.

Ditzy: Lyra actually has the ability to make herself look like the Shoop da Whoop meme.

“That was…interesting,” Cheerilee decided.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I can’t believe this. I only asked for a little background info, not if they had any freakish talents.

“I’ll go next. I was born in Ponyville and I’ve lived there my whole life. I teach the elementary school there. My cutie mark,” she turned slightly, presenting her right flank to the other four ponies, showing off the trio of blossoming yellow flowers, each of which had smiling faces on them, “represents my love of seeing my students learn, grow, and eventually blossom into whatever livelihood they want.”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) If not, well...let’s just say I do a little pruning.

There was a moment of silence. “And?” Carrot Top asked.

Cheerilee offered a slight chuckle, blushing. “Um…that’s really it, actually.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I’m not a particularly interesting character.

I’ve kind of been so concerned with getting a teaching license over the past few years, and then making sure that my first school year was going well, that I haven’t really done much else or…anything…”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) I haven’t even been out with a friend in over five years! This is the most exciting thing I have done since I can remember!

“Oh, come on,” Lyra objected. “Even I’ve had time to see BonBon every now and then, and you were never that shy before I left…there’s got to be somepony…”

Doctor: Yes, because heaven forbid that someone might be perfectly fine without have a special someone in their life.

Cheerilee was probably blushing, but with her coat color it couldn’t be seen. She shook her head. “Not really, no.”

“We’ll have to fix that,” Lyra said, tapping a hoof to her mouth in thought.

Doctor: (Sighs) Poor Cheerilee. I know what it’s like to have someone thinking they are doing you a service by meddling in your love life.

Ditzy: Oh come on Doctor. I just don’t want you to be alone!

Doctor: (Sighs)

“Oh, here’s an idea. Trixie’s really friendly after a few drinks, she’d probably – ”

“Excuse me?” Trixie interrupted.

Doctor: Are you really encouraging Cheerilee to take advantage of Trixie while she’s intoxicated?

“Hush, I’m speaking for you,” Lyra commanded.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Trust me, you’re going to like it!

That prompted considerably more earnest laughter from Carrot Top, Lyra, and Ditzy Doo, while probably Cheerilee and definitely Trixie continued to blush furiously.

“I’m not into mares,” Trixie interrupted.

Ditzy: Sorry Trixie. You’re a fanfic character. So you’re either gay or maybe bi.

“That’s not what you said a few nights ago…” Lyra observed. “Me, and BonBon, and Pinkie Pie…”

Ditzy: (Lyra) The way you stared at Bon-Bon’s flank while she wasn’t looking.

“That was the bourbon. The bourbon is equal-opportunity. I’m not into mares.”

Cheerilee managed to laugh at that,

Doctor: (Cheerilee) The more you say that, the less convincing it is.

and even Trixie couldn’t suppress a slight grin. “I’m not either, actually,” she assured Trixie, as she turned to Carrot Top. “Okay, Carrot Top, how about you?”

Ditzy: Are we still doing this? Half of the chapter is already over!

Doctor: What? You don’t want to listen to Carrot Top’s obviously interesting and engaging life?

Her fellow earth pony followed the established pattern of showing off her cutie mark.

Ditzy: Though she strut her stuff a little bit more.

“You can probably guess what my special talent is,” she said of the three carrots emblazoned on her flank.

Doctor: Not necessarily, you might have a more obtuse one like Cheerilee. One look at her, and you might assume she’s a florist.

“I was actually born in the city, though, in Fillydelphia, but I used to come down to Ponyville to help my grandparents during the summers and the harvests. I was studying to be a…”

Doctor: (Carrot) A doctor, but I gave it up to be a carrot farmer. What the heck was I thinking?

she trailed off a moment in thought, before shaking her mane. “I don’t even remember. It wasn’t important, never really held me much.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Saving lives seemed a little boring anyway.

I loved the farm too much, and I earned my cutie mark there when I realized how much, when my grandparents first told me how good I was at planting and tending and harvesting and so on.

Ditzy: That’s...not much a cutie mark story.

When my grandparents passed on, well, my parents have their own lives in Fillydelphia, but all I wanted was to keep Golden Harvests – that’s my farm’s name – in business, didn’t want the farm just sold off. I’ve…been managing.”

Ditzy: (Carrot) I had to sell all of my possessions and have a diet of nothing but carrot and ramen noodles, but I get by.

She grimaced as she looked to Trixie. “In all honesty…the festival helped. It helped a lot.

Doctor: (Carrot) Now I don’t have to sell a kidney to get by this year.

You were right, the smaller farms in Ponyville shouldn’t just sit on the sidelines and let the Apples run roughshod over us.”

All: (Cheer)

Trixie shook her head. “That doesn’t make what I did right.”

“It means you did the right thing for the wrong reasons,” Carrot Top countered. “You said you were sorry. That’s what’s important.”

Ditzy: And hey, it’s a step against tyranny, and that’s always a good thing.

By now, everypony was looking expectantly at Trixie. The blue unicorn blinked as she realized this, looking up. “What is taking Raindrops so long?” she asked nonchalantly.

Doctor: Indeed. What is taking her so long?

Ditzy: Ugh, where are timberwolves when you need them?

“Come on, Trixie,” Cheerilee said. “The rest of us have opened up. You’re the one I was most curious about, though.”

“Yeah,” Ditzy Doo confirmed. “I mean, we all knew about each other in some ways already even if we didn’t actually know each other.

Doctor: Like most Ponybook friends.

But apart from Lyra, I don’t think anypony here really knows you all that well.”

Doctor: Except from all the tabloids of course.

“And not even me,” Lyra noted. “Nothing besides a few rumors and the past two days, anyway.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Is it true you’re in a secret forbidden love affair with Princess Luna?!

Trixie looked between her companions, then let out a long sigh, slumping a little. “Alright,” she conceded. Everypony else had opened up, she supposed it was only fair that she did – though when Raindrops went back she made a mental note to make sure that the weather pony was also pressed into this. “My name’s Trixie Lulamoon but do not call me Lulamoon, ever. I was born and raised in Neigh Orleans, but I’ve lost the accent

Ditzy: That’s horrible. Have you checked beneath your bed or between the couch cushions.

since I’ve spent the past ten years in Canterlot.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m still a loyal Saints fan though. The Canterlot Phoenixes can go to Tartarus!

“Except when drunk,” Lyra noted. “When it’s okay to call you Lulamoon, too.”

“Apparently,” Trixie observed in a dry voice.

Ditzy: Since drinking makes you open up, does this mean that she actually likes the name?

“How’d you become Luna’s student?” The mint unicorn continued. “I mean…was there, like, some kind of contest that I missed or something? Or some special test for Luna’s school for gifted unicorns?”

Doctor: (Lyra) It isn’t like you could have actually done something to earn it somehow.

Trixie shook her head, and grimaced. “My grand-père – grandfather – was Quartermoon the Magnificent, the greatest magician to have ever lived.

Ditzy: Right! Screw you Hoofdini you hack!

His cutie mark was the same as mine,” Trixie brushed aside her cape so that she could show off the crescent-shaped nebula of stars and magic wand that was her cutie mark. “He was an earth pony.”

“An earth pony who’s special talent was magic?” Carrot Top asked incredulously.

Ditzy: (Carrot Top) What a freak!

Doctor: Why are you so surprised? Earth ponies have magic too.

Trixie nodded. “He was a stage magician. Sleight-of-hoof, smoke and mirrors, rabbits from a hat, chop cup, making things disappear from plain sight, you name it,

Doctor: (Trixie) One time he made the entire audience disappear.

he could do it better than anypony else. He always had some new trick. Whenever Grandpapa came by to visit, he used to tuck me into bed and, rather than read me a bedtime story, he’d put on a private show. Everypony loved him, including one pony in particular, who made it a point to see every one of his shows whenever he came to Canterlot, though always in disguise: Princess Luna.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) The princess secretly wrote self insert fanfics about him.

Trixie should have been saying what she was with immense pride and happiness; instead, her tone of voice was somber. The other ponies looked between each other as Trixie paused. “What happened?” Ditzy Doo asked.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Did he mysteriously disappear and you have been searching for him ever since?

Trixie shrugged. “He got old,” she said.

Doctor: (Trixie) What do you think this is? A comic book?

“But wouldn’t admit it.

Doctor: (Trixie) It was a little embarrassing. He dyed his hair, got a sports car, got several tattoos, went clubbing and partied hard, and started dating mares a third his age.

Until one day, on stage in Canterlot, he collapsed – liver failure. Luna dropped her disguise and personally took him to the nearest hospital.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It was called the Tombs Memorial Hospital.

My entire family was rushed up from Neigh Orleans to see him. Nopony wanted to tell me what was happening, but I figured it out, or at least put things together as best I could for a filly. I knew he was dying, and I knew that meant he was going to go to sleep and he wasn’t going to wake up, ever.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Yes Trixie, we know what dying means. We aren’t fillies.

And I knew that if that was happening to me,

Doctor: (Trixie) I would want a way to save myself. So I borrowed the Necroponicon from the school library and helped him sell his soul for immortality.

that I’d want him to give me a magic show before I went to sleep. So I somehow managed to convince my aunt and uncle, his doctors, and Luna

Ditzy: Why Princess Luna? She doesn’t have any say in this whatsoever.

to let me put on one for him. It was while I was doing this for Grandpapa that I earned my cutie mark, since I realized how much I loved doing magic – spells and sleight of hoof both – and loved doing it for an audience, for ponies in general.”

Doctor: Which is why your are working to become a politician instead of a high profile stage magician in Las Pegasus.

The other ponies glanced between each other.

Doctor: (Lyra) She’s the only one that has an interesting cutie mark story.

The earning of a cutie mark was usually something joyous and filled with wonder and glee – very often it ranked as the happiest moment of anypony’s life, or close to it.

Ditzy: The day you got married to your one true love or the day your first foal was born? Pfft. Whatever.

For Trixie, though, there didn’t seem to be any happiness.

Doctor: Trixie found happiness a thing that happens to deluded ponies that don’t know the true face of the world.

“So…so you earned your cutie mark…” Cheerilee observed, “while basically telling a bed-time story to your own dying grandfather…that just might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard…”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) No wonder you’re a horrible miserable pony that needs spread the suffering around to feel better about herself.

Trixie laughed at that – not ironically, but a full, deep laugh at the memory, which startled the ponies from their somber thoughts. “I haven’t told you about the show yet, that was the sad part,” she reminisced. “It was the worst ever.

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve always been rather lukewarm about the part where my grandfather dies myself. This is the important part!

My sleight-of-hoof was awful, even for just a filly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I sucked at a truly epic level.

I botched one trick in particular and flipped a bedpan and it ended up on my head, thank the stars it was empty…” Trixie leaned forward a little, one hoof at her stomach as she laughed. At the thought of a filly Trixie wearing a bedpan for a hat, the other mares began laughing as well.

“Grandpapa heckled me something awful,”

Ditzy: What a nice pony.

Trixie continued after the laughter had died down,

Doctor: (Trixie) Grandpapa would always criticize every little thing I did. Even my successes he ridiculed. Nothing was ever good enough for him!

“but he also gave me pointers, and he was enjoying my show and what it meant.

Ditzy: It was a trainwreck he thoroughly enjoyed.

After I was done Grandpapa said that I was the worst magician alive,

Ditzy: Now I don’t feel so bad about him dying. No wonder Trixie is so messed up.

but that I had potential and more talent than he’d had at the same age, and to not give up.

Doctor: (Trixie) Take notes Ditzy. This is the proper way to teach a filly. Constant belittlement with faint hints of praise to keep them going.

And that was the last time I saw him alive. He died early the next morning. After the funeral, Luna came up to my family and I. She said that ponies with magic as their special talents are rare, but ponies with doing magic for others are one in a million.

Doctor: The stage magician field must be a very sparse.

She offered me her personal apprenticeship.

Doctor: That makes sense. She didn’t make you her student because you were talented or special in any way. She did because she’s a Quartermoon the Magnificent fangirl.

My family agreed, I accepted, and…well, here I am, saving the world.”

Ditzy: Yeah, you never really expect something like that to fall on your lap. One morning you're living your normal, boring life then boom! your off saving the world!

“And trying to ruin festivals,” Carrot Top observed.

Doctor: Trixie’s story had little effect on Carrot Top and found it the perfect opportunity to snark.

“No, that was before,” Ditzy Doo pointed out, before Trixie could respond. “Now it’s saving the world. She can get back to ruining things later.”

Ditzy: (Carrot) Heck, who’s to say she won’t royally ruin this as well like every other thing in her life.

“Are you kidding?” Trixie asked, suppressing her desire to snark at Carrot Top over her comment. “If we make it through this alive, I’m going to lock myself in a distillery for a week.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve always wanted to drink straight from a distiller.

Lyra chuckled at that. “Lulamoon’s more fun than Trixie, anyway.”

“We are not calling drunk me Lulamoon,” Trixie insisted, blushing furiously. “We’re not.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I prefer we call her Gladys.

“You’re not,” Cheerilee corrected, tapping a hoof to her mouth as she considered it. “I think we’re going to.”

Ditzy: Trixie’s future friends! Ready to mock, tease, and ridicule her at every opportunity!

Everypony began laughing at that, even Trixie. The comment wasn’t all that funny in and of itself,

All: Tell me about it.

but given the stress and pain of the last few hours, it felt good to just unwind and laugh,

Ditzy: They start telling yo’ mama jokes and were in stitches.

even if only for a little while, forgetting the dire situation they were in and pretending that they were just by themselves in a warm home somewhere.

Ditzy: True. We all need to unwind. Oh hey, what’s that monster over there?

“Hey, what’d I miss?” a voice called from above the five ponies. Looking up, they saw Raindrops overhead, coming in for a smooth landing beside the other five.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia! Maybe we can get back on the adventure again!

Cheerilee pointed at her. “Cutie mark and embarrassing personal details, now,” she ordered.

The other mares, besides Raindrops, burst out into a fresh round of giggles, as Raindrops simply looked between them like they’d lost their minds.

Doctor: I don’t think that out the realm of possibility.

“O…kay…” the pegasus ventured.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Have you been passing booze around?

“So we’re just going to sit here laughing instead of saving Equestria and the kidnapped ponies, then?”

Ditzy: I’m sure it’s fine. Corona can’t do anything until they hit the next event trigger,

That managed to kill the mood rather thoroughly.

Ditzy: Wait, so we aren’t going to to spend four or five paragraph telling pointless backstory?

All: (Cheer)

“It was Cheerilee’s idea,” Carrot Top explained. “We were getting to know each other, rather than thinking about…well. Everything. And it was working.”

Doctor: (Carrot) We were just trying to ignore that fact that the ponies we love might be killed at a moment's notice by a crazed moody alicorn.

Raindrops opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a new voice from behind the ponies. “How strange it was to hear laughter in my ears,” the deep, though still obviously female, voice said, “when this forest usually brings out ponies’ fears. But I found it a pleasant sound though danger presses all around.”

Doctor: Dangers that are all on a smoke break apparently.

The collective mares all turned to look, and found themselves staring at a pony, or at least a being with a pony’s shape. Her coat was striped in light and dark gray, standing in stark contrast to the bright golden rings at her ears, around her neck, and around her front right leg. She was wearing a brown, hooded cloak, though the hood was laid down, showing off a mane – striped as she was – that was styled upwards in a tall Mohawk.

“Um…” Trixie ventured. “Hi?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I love the haircut! You need to tell me your stylist!

“This is Zecora,” Raindrops said, trotting around her companions to stand next to the newcomer. “And…” she looked around, checking behind Zecora. “Where did…? Did he fall behind?”

“My companion you seek? A good pace he normally keeps,” Zecora said. “He remained behind, I’d wager, to…see to a call of nature.”

Raindrops nodded at that. “Ah, got it.” She looked back to the other mares. “Anyway. This is Zecora, she’s a zebra. Apparently she lives in the Everfree.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) She’s trying to open a tour guide business.

“A zebra?” Cheerilee asked, eyes wide. “What are you doing in Equestria?”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) You should be with your own kind!

“My people’s traditional shaman test,” Zecora said, nodding her head. “I have come here on my spirit quest.

Ditzy: Great now, even Zecora is giving her life story! Zecora!

Doctor: Might as well get it all out of the way I guess.

Ditzy: Exploring their backstories in a future story would pretty boring.

Doctor: Right, and the pilot is the perfect place for it!

Great power did I feel stirring,

Ditzy: (Zecora) My scouter went whirling.

and so I came here unerring.” The zebra grimaced as she glanced upwards. “Though I did not know I sought the sun spirit. You ponies are right to fear it.”

“And you live in the Everfree?” Ditzy Doo asked. “How is that even possible?”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) You should do a Discovery Channel survival reality show!

Zecora offered a knowing smile. “Compared to the dangers of my homeland, the perils of the Everfree are easy to stand.”

Doctor: There everything tries to kill you every second of everyday. Like Austfillia.

“I found her while looking around,” Raindrops observed. “Plus her companion.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) She was next to this weird blue box for some reason.

They said they know the way to the palace ruin and they’re willing to help us get there.”

“Z’s willing,” a new voice said. “I don’t want to go near the place, but no one cares what I think…”

Being the third time somepony had appeared out of nowhere, the gathered mares thought themselves prepared for whoever was trudging through the path covered by melting snow. They were wrong, for several reasons.

Ditzy: Her companion was a giant flamboyant sea serpent.

He was about half as tall as Lyra, the tallest pony of the group. He was colored purple and green. Specifically, he was covered in purple and green scales. He also walked upright, on two legs, and he was emphatically not a pony, instead a being with a large-eyed head, a mouth full of sharp teeth, two short arms ending in four-fingered hands, and a short tail, with green spines running down his back. Unlike everypony else, he wasn’t wearing anything to ward off the cold of the snow, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered by it, either.

Ditzy: Oh hey Spike! What a minute....

“Ah,” Zecora observed, “in this foreign land he has been my boon companion: I would like to introduce Spike, the baby dragon.”

Ditzy: The baby dragon baby!

“Hi,” Spike said with a wave.

The ponies stared. Spike stared back.

Ditzy: What? He isn’t that odd looking.

Doctor: True, most ponies barely give him a second look.

After several moments, he started making poses, flexing his muscles.

Doctor: A little fan service for Ditzy here.

Ditzy: Finally I get something good out of this! Look darn good Spike!

“I know, right?” he asked, waving his brow slightly.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) What a hunk!

Ditzy: (Carrot) Please take me now!

“B…baby dragon?” Lyra observed, trotting forward. “He’s…you’re…

Ditzy: If you say pet, I’m going to smack you.

what’s a dragon doing in Equestria?”

Doctor: (Lyra) Please don’t eat me!

Spike shrugged. “I dunno.”

Ditzy: Oh no. Don’t tell me he has amnesia.

The ponies stared. Interestingly enough, Zecora was among them.

“What?” Spike asked. “I don’t remember what I was like when I was a hatchling. Do you remember what you were like when you were all newborns?”

Doctor: The time you’re apparently a genius and know the secrets of the universe.

“Okay…” Cheerilee said. “How about afterwards?”

Spike shrugged again, then pointed to Zecora. “Don’t remember anything before meeting Z.

Doctor: Yep amnesia.

Ditzy: You’ve got to be kidding me.

We were both strangers in a strange land. So we’ve been hanging out.”

Ditzy: (Spike) We do Let’s Play videos and upload them on Ponytube.

Trixie blinked. “And thus was our surrealism quota filled for the day,” she observed.

Ditzy: What does it say about my life that this doesn’t even register on my radar?

Doctor: Surrealism is destructive, but it destroys only what it considers to be shackles limiting our vision.

“With due respect to you pony folk,” Zecora said, “The sun spirit’s freedom is no joke. I do not wish to appear callous, but we should make haste to the ruined palace.”

Doctor: You can’t do that! Raindrops still hasn’t given her life story yet! You can’t leave us hanging!

Ditzy: Yeah, this story needs at three more pages of heart pounding exposition! I can’t get enough of it!

The mares tore their gazes away from Spike, then nodded almost as one. “Alright,” Carrot Top said. “Lead on.”

Doctor: (Zecora) That will 30 bits. To expect us to venture forth into such dangers without payment you must this twits.

“Okay…” Spike said with a sigh,

Ditzy: Spike seems pretty much the same and pretty normal. Things are finally looking up!

as Zecora and the ponies turned and the latter began to follow the former. “Let’s go back to the place filled with all sorts of horrible death traps…”

Ditzy: I hope they have the rolling boulder trap. I love that one!

Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 12

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 23 - Part 4

The melting snow from the unusually warm air was beginning to create mist in the Everfree. For now, it was lying close to the ground, but it was not helping the general eeriness of the place in any way as it rolled over their hooves, obscuring the ground beneath them. Fortunately, however, the six ponies, one zebra, and one baby dragon had a way of distracting themselves.

Ditzy: Causing them to fall off a cliff.

“…and so that’s how I got my cutie mark,” Carrot Top finished, the last of them to reiterate her story to Raindrops.

Ditzy: Oh no.

Doctor: Is this going to be yet another chapter of exposition?

“That’s nice,” the jasmine-coated pegasus intoned, ruffling her wings slightly.

Doctor: I see she showed as much interest in Carrot Top’s story as we did.

“So that makes it your turn, then,” Cheerilee said. “I’m not going to save Equestria with a pony I don’t know anything about.”

Doctor: Tough.

Ditzy: Yeah, I don’t see that working well on you Doctor.

Raindrops shrugged. “Born in Cloudsdale, loved it when it rained,

Doctor: (Raindrops) Can you believe some foals actually used it as an excuse to stay inside and play video games?

and I got my cutie mark pretty early since I’d known that all throughout my foalhood. When my brother was born a unicorn my parents and I moved to Ponyville. I joined the weather patrol, and…that’s it.”

Ditzy: I like it! Short and to the point.

Lyra’s ears were twitching and swivling slightly, as though she heard something. “Anypony else hear that?” she asked absentmindedly as Raindrops spoke.

Doctor: Maybe talking constantly and loudly in a forest full of deadly creatures was a bad idea.

When the pegasus finished, however, she looked back to Raindrops, scowling a little. “Oh, come on,” she objected. “We pour our bleeding hearts out for everypony,

Doctor: And when did you do that Ms. Heartstrings? You barely told us much about yourself.

Ditzy: Hey, your right. She the one that told us the least about herself!

and you expect to get by on that?”

Doctor: Not everyone has an angst filled backstory Lyra.

Ditzy: Some ponies are perfectly happy with their lives and make by without too much complaint.

She furrowed her brow in thought. “You’ve got to, like, resent your brother

Doctor: The fact that is the first thing that comes to her mind really says something about you Lyra.

or your parents for making you move from Cloudsdale.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) You have to be planning to burn down your workplace out of revenge at the very least.

“Nope,” Raindrops said. “Ponyville’s nice, I like it.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Was your family at least torn apart by suspicions of infidelity?

Ditzy: (Raindrops) No.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Oh come on!

“No weather patrol stories?” Cheerilee tried.

Ditzy: Celestia! Is this ever going to end? I want them to get into some sort of action scene already!

Doctor: This is a fanfic, you don’t need filler scenes.

“A few, I guess,” she said, again ruffling her wings, “but a lot of them are really technical. Like that time Cloud Chaser made some cirrocumulus undulati when the schedule called for cirrocumulus laconusi, but I’d gotten my part right so when the two cloud sections began overlapping they made an altocumulus lenticularus and caused some virga and microbursts, and Rainbow Dash was actually working that day so me and Cloud Chaser had to work our wings off to cover before she noticed and before the altocumulus lenticularus devolved into an altostratus translucidus – ”

Doctor: Oh that wacky Cloud Chaser!

“Okay,” Trixie interrupted. “Anything that non-pegasi would be able to follow?”

Doctor: Do you always use the full terms? Won’t it be simpler to use jargon?

Ditzy: It’s impressive she said that without getting tongue tied,

“I’m a pegasus and I couldn’t follow that,” Ditzy Doo provided.

Ditzy: Oh come on! I went to flight camp!

Doctor: Come to think of it, why do you work at the post office when your special talent is weather making?

Ditzy: It pays better and has better benefits, and I really like the work. Besides, I still do weather work, but it mostly a part time thing. So I get the best of both!

Raindrops thought a moment. “Nope,” she said. “My life is pretty dull, usually. I like it like that.”

Doctor: (Lyra) You are the lamest pony ever.

There was a collective sigh from the remaining ponies at that.

Ditzy: (Trixie) What a rip! Why does she get to have a happy life?!

“Fine…” Cheerilee groaned.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Where is the danger, the intrigue?

She looked ahead, at Spike and Zecora. The former was sitting atop the back of the latter, keeping his balance with practiced ease “How about you, Zecora?” she asked. “Do you have a cutie mark story? What is yours, anyway?”

Ditzy: Celestia, she’s just obsessed with stories isn’t she? Did she completely forget about the crisis?

Doctor: Must be an elementary school teacher thing.

Zecora shook her head, and didn’t move the cloak that covered her flank aside. “All I have are the stripes you see,” she said, “There is no cutie mark on me.”

Ditzy: Wait, I thought they do.

Doctor: Hey, at least it saves us from yet another long story.

“And dragons don’t get them either,” Spike noted,

Ditzy: If he did, I bet it would be a scroll!

Doctor: Or a green flame maybe?

as Zecora turned off of the rough path they had been following and began walking into the woods. Everypony followed.

“I’m not the only one who hears that, am I?” Lyra asked.

All: (Hum Michael Myers’s theme)

Her ears had gone back to twitching slightly, focused in the direction Zecora was now taking them through the twisted trees.

“Hears what?” Spike asked.

“You’ve got to have some stories, though,” Cheerilee pressed, as she picked up her pace slightly to be trotting next to Zecora. The other five ponies, minus Lyra, also picked up their pace a little, and Zecora seemed to have an extra spring to her step.

Doctor: These ponies and their incessant questions.

“I do not mean to cause offence, but my story I do not wish to dispense,” Zecora explained. “My spirit quest is a private affair, and I do not wish to lay it bare.”

Doctor: Finally! Someone speaking sense!

“That’s alright,” Ditzy Doo admitted as they came to a wide river.

Ditzy: Besides, it would be awkward for her to tell an impromptu story in rhyme.

It was probably supposed to be frozen over, but the ice atop of it was melted, and the river itself was fast-flowing and beginning to lap at the edges of its banks due to all the melting snow and ice that was finding its way into it. The low fog that permeated the Everfree stopped at the edge of the river.

Lyra stopped her canter when she reached the river, ears no longer twitching, instead focused forward. “Okay, now I definitely hear music – uh, guys? Guys!”

Ditzy: (Lyra) It’s getting scarier and more intense. That can’t be a good thing!

Come on in, the water’s fine…

Lyra dashed forward and in front of the others,

Doctor: (Lyra) First one in is a rotten egg!

as they had not slowed down at the riverbanks, instead heading directly into it. She gasped slightly at the chill of the water – despite the rising heat, the water itself was only just barely above freezing.

Ditzy: Yet refreshing and invigorating.

Her exclamations, coupled with her interposing herself between the others, stopped them in their tracks before they could get too deep, but the ponies and zebra all stared at her strangely.

Doctor: (Trixie) Do you mind? We’re trying to go to oblivion.

“Lyra?” Raindrops asked. “You’re in the way.”

“I’m not gonna try and ford a raging, freezing river,” she responded.

Ditzy: Come on! It’ll be fun!

…Please oh please, don’t decline…

Doctor: (Lyra) On second thought, I would love to forge this river!

The others blinked, looking down as though seeing the water for the first time. “Stars,” Trixie exclaimed, as they all backed out of the river and onto its banks. “How did I not notice that?”

“I dunno,” Spike said, looking around. “I was getting worried for a second…and yeah, I definitely hear music, Lyra.”

All: Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga.

Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…

Ditzy: (Voice) Freezing death is fun!

“I don’t hear anything,” Cheerilee noted, as she began absent-mindedly trotting forward.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Is anypony else being asked if they want they want to play chess with Death?

Lyra blinked, putting herself between Cheerilee and the water. She stared uncomprehendingly at the unicorn for a moment, then shook her head. “We need to get to the other side…”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Besides, I saw a guy on the Discovery Channel do with no problem!

“…yeah,” Raindrops noted as she started forward. Lyra leapt in front of her, hooves up and pushing her back.

“You have wings, you idiot,” Lyra noted,

Ditzy: (Lyra) All you guys are such complete imbeciles! Why did I agree to come along with you guys again?

as Zecora closed her eyes and began chanting something in a language Lyra didn’t understand, while Spike hopped off of her back. “You and Ditzy Doo can just carry us over if – ”

“But this is faster…” Ditzy Doo said, eyes wide and a serene look on her face – yet her eyes were also focused forward, as she began trotting into the river. Groaning, Lyra’s horn glowed, and she seized Ditzy Doo in a golden aura and pushed her back onto the shore. Then Trixie began trotting forward, forcing Lyra to move in front of her and shove her backwards. The other unicorn stumbled a little, falling down, but was quickly on her hooves again, and in the meantime Carrot Top was wandering forward…

Doctor: This is going no where. How about doing something to stop them completely? Like doing what Odysseus did and plug their ears.

Ditzy: Or use her magic to tie them to a tree.

Doctor: That too.

…come on in and join the dead…

“Um, that’s creepy,” Spike objected, grabbing Carrot Top’s tail and digging his feet into the ground. Unfortunately, his small size made little impact.

Ditzy: What was the point of showing off Spike’s muscles earlier if they aren’t going to be put to use?

Doctor: Come on, she’s a carrot farmer. How can a dragon complete with that?

Lyra grabbed Cheerilee with magic and pushed her back, while trying to physically hold Trixie back.

“Zecora!” Lyra shouted at the zebra, the only one besides her and Spike that seemed unaffected, though the zebra remained in place and chanting. “A little help?” She didn’t move.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Stop speaking foreign and help me!

Ditzy Doo managed to trot in nearly to her stomach, but Lyra once again resorted to magic, and had to do likewise for Raindrops and Trixie as she moved to put herself directly between Cheerilee and the water, pushing them back.

Doctor: (Lyra) If I keep doing this the ones enchanting them will eventually give up!

Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…come on in and join the dead…

Ditzy: (Voice) They have muffins.

Doctor: (Lyra) Well, why didn’t you say so?!

“Something’s wrong with them!” Spike exclaimed. “But how come we’re not affected?”

“I think it’s some kind of magic song!” Lyra exclaimed as she used telekinesis to hold back all of her friends. It wasn’t going to work for long – sweat was already forming on her brow. “Dunno why it’s not affecting you, but for me it’s ‘cause it’s poorly harmonized!”

Ditzy: Oh, plot convenience!

Doctor: They weren’t even trying with that one.

The music stopped suddenly. The five ponies that had been trying to plunge into the freezing waters stopped trying to commit suicide, but remained in a trance, waving back and forth slightly.

There was a splash from behind Lyra, and she turned and found herself face-to-face with some kind of creature that looked like a cross between a pony and a fish. It upper body was mostly the same, with forelegs ending in hooves and a long-snouted face, but rather than a mane, the creature had a long fin travelling down its back, and smaller fins at its fetlocks. Its lower body, meanwhile – the parts that Lyra could see through the water, anyway – consisted of a long, fish-like tail, with a pair of elegant-looking fins in the place of rear-legs. Instead of hair, its body was coated with fine, aquamarine scales, and it had a pair of blood-red eyes. As Lyra watched, two more similar creatures appeared from beneath the river’s surface, only slightly different in scale coloration but with yellow and teal eyes, the last of them having pony proportions more in line with a stallion than a mare.

There was one more notable difference between these creatures and normal ponies: their mouths were full of small, sharp teeth. None of them looked happy to see Lyra, either.

“I beg your pardon?” The first one to appear demanded. “Poorly harmonized?”

“What are you?” Lyra asked, one eyebrow rising.

Doctor: Surprising lack of anger considering they just tried to kill your friends.

All three of the creatures fixed Lyra with a deadpan look.

Doctor: (Creature) I see the Princess Luna’s education system is doing its job.

“We’re trying to lure ponies to their deaths by drowning and then eating them,” the second one, with yellow eyes, said. “What do you think we are?”

Doctor: A kelpie?

“Sea ponies?” Lyra guessed.

A little bit of winter’s chill returned to the Everfree Forest at the glare she got.

Doctor: (Creature) Does it look like we sing ‘Shoo-bee-doo, Shoo-Shoo-bee-doo!’?

“This is a freshwater river,” the third, teal-eyed creature noted. “And sea ponies are herbivores.”

“Sirens!” Yellow Eyes – as Lyra mentally dubbed her – exclaimed. “We’re sirens!”

Ditzy: Really? I am not the best when it comes to mythology, but I am pretty sure sirens don’t eat ponies.

“I thought sirens only lived in the ocean,” Spike said from the shore. Then he pointed at Teal Eyes. “And you’re a stallion. Sirens are always mares.”

Doctor: And shouldn’t you be stunningly beautiful? That’s a staple of sirens.

“Yes, well,” Red Eyes, the first to appear, noted. “Ponies…and dragons I suppose…possess many misconceptions about us – ”

Ditzy: (Siren) I edit Ponypedia to fix them, but somepony keeps editing them back!

“How would we reproduce with only mares?” Teal Eyes asked incredulously.

Ditzy: Well, there is that Magic of Love thing from the Winningverse. I still have no idea how the hay that is suppose to work.

Doctor: A better question is why stallions even exist in that universe if their existence is unnecessary?

“Magic?” Spike suggested. Teal Eyes shrugged, conceding the possibility.

Doctor: No! You can’t just say ‘Magic” and expect that to answer everything! Magic doesn’t work like that! It has rules and laws just like physics or any other science!

“ – but back on topic,” Red Eyes continued, “What do you mean, poorly harmonized?”

“I mean what it sounds like!” Lyra exclaimed,

Ditzy: (Lyra) You guys suck!

and jabbed a hoof at Red Eyes. “And I’m lookin’ at you, and don’t try to deny it I know it’s you. You’re not syncing up with the other two at all. You’re pitched too high and singing a little faster.”

Ditzy: Maybe you shouldn’t give the bad guys exactly what they need to beat you.

Doctor: Lyra, have you ever considered becoming a supervillain?

“I am not!”

“…actually, I did notice that,” Yellow Eyes objected. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but…”

Doctor: (Red Eyes) You’re saying I’m the reason our last album failed aren’t you?!

Red Eyes glared at her companion. “You’re taking the food’s side?”

“Hey, yeah, about that…” Spike tried.

The sirens ignored him. “Out of harmony is out of harmony,” Teal Eyes noted. “Sorry, but food or not, she’s got a point.”

Ditzy: (Teal Eyes) You used to be so great, the best! But all the drugs, alcohol, and partying have destroyed the siren you used to be!

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were putting on a concert for the river dragon. I thought we were just trying to get lunch. My mistake. Here,” she held forward her front hooves. “Slit my veins open, why don’t you?”

Doctor: (Teal Eyes) You don’t need to be a drama queen about it.

“We don’t have major arteries in our legs,” Yellow Eyes pointed out.

“Why do you even have legs?” Lyra asked.

Two of the sirens shrugged, while Red Eyes glared at her companions. “Can we please stop talking to the food and just eat already?” she demanded.

Doctor: (Red Eyes) I have a dentist appointment in a half and hour!

Lyra skipped backwards, out of the water, at that. Red Eyes waved her off. “Whatever, you’re immune, the dragon and zebra are still immune like last time, but that still gives us five! That’s plenty!”

“She gets cranky when she doesn’t eat, sorry,” Teal Eyes explained, as Red Eyes began to grumble.

“Last time?” Lyra asked, looking to Spike. Zecora had not stopped chanting whatever her protection spell against the siren’s song was.

The baby dragon offered a stupid grin and a shrug. “Guess we do have some stories?” he said.

Ditzy: (Spike) We’re a monster butt kicking duo.

Lyra shook her head as she looked to the sirens. “I’m not going to let you eat my friends,” she proclaimed.

Ditzy: (Lyra) And Trixie.

“Three on one with you trying to save five,” Red Eyes noted. “I’m feeling pretty good about our odds.”

Doctor: Aren’t you forgetting Zecora and Spike? It’s actually three on three.

“Plus, we’ve got hunger on our side,” Yellow Eyes said. “That’s a great motivator.”

Ditzy: (Siren) Sure we haven’t eaten in days but that probably won’t be a problem.

“I’m trying to save the world,” Lyra noted.

Doctor: (Yellow Eyes) That’s what they all say.

“Noble goal and all, but that’s impersonal,” Teal Eyes philosophized. “You don’t really know the whole world, whereas being hungry is a really personal thing and – ”

“Stop talking to our lunch and just sing already!” Red Eyes shouted.

Doctor: (Red Eyes) Everytime we try to eat you do this! Who cares what she thinks. She’s going to served with onions and garlic in a few moments anyway!

The three sirens drifted backwards, to the middle of the river – having no problems fighting against the current – and began singing again. Even worse, Red Eyes seemed to of corrected her mistake and was now singing in harmony with the other two.

All: Doh!

Lyra still proved to be immune,

Doctor: Naturally.

Ditzy: Well duh, of course being trained in musicwould make you immune to mind control music! That’s just logic!

but the other five ponies began trotting forward again.

“Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…come on in and join the dead…”

Ditzy: You just sung that. Come on, mix it up a little!

Doctor: I wonder, does it really matter what they sing or the mind controlling works regardless?

Lyra’s closed her eyes and let her horn glow brightly. She shoved the five ponies backwards with telekinesis, but only as a stopgap. Working a significantly more advanced spell, she created a golden orb in front of her.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Darkness beyond twilight

Crimson beyond blood that flows

Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows

I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand

before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand

Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed

by the power you and I possess...

DRAGON SLAVE!

With a pop, the orb burst apart, and Lyra caught her lyre as it began to fall, telekinetically bringing it forward as she sat down and began strumming on it, magic pouring from her lyre and over her friends. They stopped in their tracks.

Doctor: (Red Eyes) Oh crap, she has a lyre! Don’t make any sudden movements!

“You’re not the only ones who can sing,” Lyra proclaimed in verse, “you don’t want the kind of pain I’ll bring.”

Ditzy: Oh goody. Is this going to turn into a rap battle?

The sirens stopped their song once more, staring. Lyra’s friends remained motionless behind her. “You’re joking,” Red Eyes said.

“I just spent three years at Luna’s school of magic on a musical scholarship,”

Doctor: Yes, we get it. You’ve said that at least four times now.

Ditzy: Is she trying to create a catchphrase?

Lyra explained.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Sure, I skipped most of my classes, barely passed, and spent most of it drunk and going to frat parties, but I learned a few things!

“Come on, there’s got to be some fish in that river you can eat instead.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) You could get tacos or something?

“We actually can’t eat fish,” Yellow Eyes remarked. “Tastes horrible. Actually most seafood. Or river-food, I guess.”

“We only eat land animals,” Teal Eyes said. “And you ponies are delicious.”

Doctor: (Siren) And you go good with hot sauce.

“…thanks?” Lyra guessed. “Still. There’s got to be something else you guys can eat in the forest. Like a turkey or something, I dunno.”

Doctor: (Teal Eyes) The turkeys in the Everfree are 8 hooves tall, violent, and have beaks that can effortlessly destroy stone in one bite!

“Maybe,” Red Eyes admitted. “But there’s a whole feast here now, and who knows how long we’ll have to wait for some poor gobbler to wander close enough?”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Come on! We’re sapient! Doesn’t that mean anything?!

Doctor: (Red Eyes) Eh, the importance of sapience is overrated. Besides, you ponies only use about 10 percent of your brain anyway.

Ditzy: (Lyra) That’s just a myth!

Lyra plucked a few notes on her lyre. “I’m warning you…”

Doctor: (Lyra) You do not want to see me get funky.

“You’re bluffing,” Red Eyes said. “And you can’t possibly save all your friends.”

“I can try.”

“You’ll fail.”

Ditzy: You... Will... Fail!

Lyra played another few notes on her lyre in response.

Doctor: (Red Eyes) So….is that a yes?

Red Eyes glared at her. As Lyra watched, her iris’ seemed to both expand outwards and shrink inwards, until her eyes were nothing more than a pair of blood-hued orbs. She let a full, sharp-toothed grin show, then began to sing in earnest, not a simple rhyme anymore, but a full song –

Ditzy: Available to download on bandcamp.

[“Now]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713057000&usg=AFQjCNHneTXcHX1zjB3doP8Ty\_6bvIse7g]“Now](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713057000&usg=AFQjCNHneTXcHX1zjB3doP8Ty_6bvIse7g) I know[/url]

[“That]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg]“That](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg) you think you're so great[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg) you're nothing[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713059000&usg=AFQjCNHY4lPvOnP7fPKtaecvU1Xne4eeyA]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713059000&usg=AFQjCNHY4lPvOnP7fPKtaecvU1Xne4eeyA) you're nothing[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713060000&usg=AFQjCNEV0hs9ECY531bRt7J7764jSE0vug]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713060000&usg=AFQjCNEV0hs9ECY531bRt7J7764jSE0vug) you are -[/url]

[“And]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713061000&usg=AFQjCNFynvOjGj\_wqQxSaswHdRTY4uA3Zw]“And](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713061000&usg=AFQjCNFynvOjGj_wqQxSaswHdRTY4uA3Zw) I know[/url]

[“That]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw]“That](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw) you don't want to die[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw) you're nothing[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713063000&usg=AFQjCNFeZQz\_7UPjxXPnRBBz\_gTYWNxW7Q]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713063000&usg=AFQjCNFeZQz_7UPjxXPnRBBz_gTYWNxW7Q) you're nothing[/url]

[“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713064000&usg=AFQjCNF6VcfzIdj5FmORQX\_x-\_QC-gx-eQ]“But](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713064000&usg=AFQjCNF6VcfzIdj5FmORQX_x-_QC-gx-eQ) you're...”[/url]

Ditzy: Oh, another link. I wonder where it goes.

Doctor: If it goes anywhere. Most likely it has been taken down for copyright infringement by now.

The five ponies began to slowly trot forward.

Doctor: Considering we are talking about sirens, shouldn’t they be desperately trying to throw themselves into the river instead of walking towards it like zombies?

Lyra’s hooves danced across her instrument, golden magic reaching out and slowing their advance, with Spike trying to help as best he could, but the ponies moved inexorably, as the other two sirens – their eyes similarly turning uniform in color – joined in Red Eyes’ song.

Ditzy: (Grumbles) Of course Spike isn’t allowed to be useful.

“So stupid

“You're trying to resist us

“And save them all

“But they're gonna slip away

“You'll lose them all

“Why not just give up now?

“Just stop fighting

“We're sirens and we're hungry

“You can't win –

Ditzy: So they are going to talk sing instead of actually singing a song?

Doctor: You would think their music would be a little more...seductive.

Lyra interrupted them with a full pull across her lyre, while her horn interceded to amplify its volume several times beyond what should have been possible.

Doctor: It made the siren bleed from the ears.

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”

Ditzy: (Sirens) Oh really? (Cough)

(Singing) It's a piece of cake to make a pretty cake!

If the way is hazy!

You gotta do the cookin' by the book!

You know you can't be lazy!

Doctor: (Lyra) I hate you.

The golden threads that grasped her friends swelled in size and intensity. They were pushed backwards, and for the first time the enthralled ponies looked around of their own volition, wide-eyed and panicked at the sight of the sirens and what the sirens were trying to make them do.

The sirens, meanwhile, had been thrown backwards by the force of Lyra’s magic-enhanced song, their eyes snapping back to normal and looks of genuine surprise on their face. Glaring, their magical song returned, their magic taking physical form for the first time and lashing out at Lyra.

Ditzy: They started shooting notes at her.

“Can’t you see?

“You cannot keep this up

“We do this every day, fool

“Luring critters to the river

“So we can eat.

“But ponies are so tasty

“We’re gonna feast

“Your magic doesn’t scare us

“You’ll get weak – ”

Ditzy: You’ll get weak? That’s the best you can come up with?

Again, Lyra interrupted them, standing on her two hind legs – somehow keeping balance while doing so – and conjuring up a golden shield to ward off the siren’s magical lashes as she countered their continued hypnotic attempts and responded, hooves still dancing across the strings of her instrument.

Doctor: They were doing the jitterbug.

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”

Doctor: So basically the gist of this musical battle is ‘I’m better’ ‘No, I’m better!’ ‘No, I’m better plus one!’ ‘No, I’m better plus infinity!’

The sirens screamed – but still in song – as Lyra countered with magic. Despite her prowess, with three-on-one the red, yellow and teal lashes that were reaching out to her golden shield. Lyra pushed back, however, and tendrils of golden magic began to lash out at the sirens as well. For the first time, fear as well as concern appeared on their faces.

Ditzy: So, why does she know how to do this exactly? She’s just a musician.

Doctor: (Lyra) I knew that ‘Defence Against the Dark Arts’ class would come in handy!

“Maybe give us one or two? To eat?” Red Eyes offered in verse. “You’ll still have two, seems like plenty! Agreed?”

Ditzy: Don’t you mean three?

Doctor: They probably overlooked Carrot Top.

“No way!” Lyra responded as she dragged her hoof across her harp.

Ditzy: (Sirens) Pretty pretty please?

The sirens’ magic and her own flared as they battled, then died suddenly, giving out under the strain of constantly being maintained by the two forces. The sirens fell backwards, almost falling under the river’s water again. Lyra, on the other hoof, remained standing on her hind legs, magically holding her lyre aloft as she began strumming the same two strings over and over.

“I told you the pain that I could bring.

“But you didn’t listen to me.

“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.

“But I’m. Still. Here.”

Next to Lyra, a ghostly image of her formed, and began echoing that verse, while she continued with the song, and with each verse another Lyra would appear and begin echoing her.

Ditzy: (Teal Eyes) That’s pretty cool! Can you do auto-tune too?

Doctor: (Lyra harsh) No. I have integrity!

“Just swim away while you still can.

“Find something else to snack upon.

“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.

“But I’m. Still. Here.”

“You couldn’t sing in harmony

“Without my help, where would you be?

“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.

“But I’m. Still. Here!”

The sirens shouted in defiance, rising up and magically lifting the water with them – the water in their grasp turning blood red, sickly yellow, and a deep, almost black shade of teal – and surging forward. Lyra didn’t budge as the water came on, conjuring up another golden shield and golden tendrils to push it back, as the two competing musical forces dueled. The sirens had seemingly lost the ability to sing in verse at all, instead conjuring with pure vocal power, but Lyra actually turned that against them, incorporating it into her song as her chorus of illusions continued to sing as well.

“I told you the pain that I could bring!

“But you didn’t listen to me!

“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left!

“But I’m. Still. Here!”

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

(“Still! Here...!”)

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”

(“Still! Here...!”)

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

(“Still! Here...!”)

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”

(“Still! Here...!”)

“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends

“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else

(“Still! Here...!”)

There was a golden flash. The wave of water was thrown backwards, but the sirens remained floating in the air, grasped firmly in Lyra’s magical aura. They had stopped singing, their legs and tails and fins flailing, but Lyra only smirked before tossing them upstream as hard as she could.

Ditzy: Into a rock killing them instantly,

They landed with a splash some thirty feet away, quickly surfacing and staring wide-eyed at Lyra Heartstrings.

“Music is my special talent, sirens

“And now that I have won, you’d better swim off home!”

Ditzy: (Sirens) This is our home!

Doctor: (Lyra) Then, um, go back to live with your parents!

The sirens stared for only a moment more, before disappearing beneath the river’s water, rushing away. This was probably for the best, as it meant they didn’t see Lyra collapse to the muddy riverbank moments later.

Doctor: They would embarrass her by posting pictures of it on Ponybook.

Ditzy: Hey, we finally got an action sequence...12 chapters in! Better late than never I guess.

Doctor: Lyra has impressive magical combative capabilities for someone that is just a musician.

Ditzy: I am little surprise they teach musicians eldritch tentacle death magic at Luna’s school of magic.

Doctor: At Luna’s school of magic they teach you how to fight and kill regardless of what you are studying.

Dinky watched as her parents as they exited the theater. They seemed in a much better mood then they usually did after the experiment. “Here we go.” She thought to herself.

“What’s with the lights?” Ditzy asked as she exited the theater. She looked around at the ceiling. They noticed how much darker the room was and that it had a reddish tint to it.

“It appears to be…” The Doctor went into a sigh. “Mood lighting.”

Ditzy blinked. “Mood lighting? Huh, why?”

Doctor sighed again. “Let’s get this over with.”

The two entered the dining room and found a well dressed table with a red sheet. It had a pot of irises in the middle surrounded by four candles. Rose petals were scattered all over the table and at the end of both sides were a plates covered with a metal lid with a glass of what appeared to be wine.

“Something smells good!” Ditzy proclaimed and rushed to on the ends of the table. The Doctor joined her on the other side.

They pulled the lids off and discovered two slices of butternut squash lasagna served with a few leaves of spinach on the side. The two eyed at it hungrily. Out of nowhere, gentle piano music started playing. Dinky was assured by Silver Spoon that it was quite romantic. It started slowly at first and was almost inaudible. It got loud enough to be heard, but not enough that it would be distracting. The Doctor and Ditzy eyes perked up at this, but they didn’t comment on it. The Doctor in particular seemed to enjoy it.

They sat down and quickly dug in. Ditzy didn’t waste a moment and took a large bite of her lasagna. The Doctor, however, took a more reserved bite of his meal. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara balked at Ditzy less than stellar table manners. Ditzy put a hoof to her face. What a way to start a romantic date.

The two ate in silence for a few minutes until Ditzy finally spoke up. “Hey Doctor, could you pass the salt? I can’t really reach it.” She pointed to a salt shaker in front of him and he pushed it forward with a hoof. Ditzy proceeded to sprinkle a generous amount of salt on her meal.

“You are going to get high blood pressure putting that much salt in your body.” The Doctor commented.

“Eh, it’s fine. I don’t use that much salt.” Ditzy sprinkled her lasagna a few more time. She also grabbed a few rose petals from the table top and put a few of them on her meal. She seemed pretty satisfied after that and she began eating again.

The two ate in silence again for for another few minutes until Silver Spoon snaped. “I don’t believe this. Like, what kind of date is this? They aren’t saying anything!”

Dinky shrugged. She wasn’t surprised they weren’t chatting. This wasn’t like they were a young couple just getting to know each other. In Dinky’s mind, they were pretty much already a married couple so there wasn’t much to say really.

“This is off to a great start.” Diamond Tiara snarked.

Ditzy sipped at her wine after eating another bite of lasagna. It seemed she really enjoyed it and didn’t stop until the glass was half empty. She noticed the Doctor wasn’t drinking his.

“Say Doctor, mind if I have your glass too?” Ditzy asked.

“Go ahead.” He replied.

Ditzy smiled. “It’s really good. I like eating fancy like this once and awhile.” Silver Spoon put a hoof to her face at the term fancy.

The Doctor shrugged. “When you’ve eaten the best kings and emperors have to offer, you start to appreciate the simpler foods. I’ll take your cooking over the gourmet chef any day.”

“Ah shucks. Thanks!” Ditzy said beaming.

Dinky brightened up glad that the two were finally connecting.

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “That’s like so corny. He can’t possible mean that.”

Diamond Tiara watched this fixated. “Is your mother really that good?”

“The best!” Dinky cheered.

“You’re lucky.” Diamond Tiara said in a small voice startling Dinky. “Dinner time must be nice. Do you all eat together?”

“Well yeah.” Dinky replied not sure where Diamond Tiara was going with this. Diamond Tiara just stared at her parents with a longing look.

Dinky looked back at her parents. Her mother had already finished her glass of wine. She was reaching for the Doctor’s glass across the table. The Doctor didn’t really notice this and was eating his food in his usually slow fashion.

Suddenly a nearby candle fell on Ditzy’s hair and lit it on fire. She yelled in surprised and rolled across the table onto the floor throwing food, plates, and everything else on the table all over the place.

Dinky eyes widened in horror and she started rolling on the ground in panic. In a blink of an eye, the Doctor grabbed his glass of wine a threw onto her hair. It only got part of the fire out thanks to Ditzy’s thrashing about. He pulled off the table cloth and used it to smother the rest of the fire. He pinned Ditzy to floor to keep her still. The sudden removal of the table cloth sent to the rest of the table’s contents cascading on the floor.

After the fire was finally out, Ditzy got up and sighed in relief. “Thanks Doctor. It’s a good thing you don’t like the drink!” A large portion of her hair was gone and the rest was singed. It was also completely soaked. She also had rose petals stuck all over her body.

“Let me look at you.” The Doctor tossed the table cloth on the floor and grabbed her head to examined it closely. He turned it back and forth. “Good news. You only lost a little hair, otherwise you have other damage. Not a single burn mark.”

“That’s a relief.” Ditzy wiped the wet hair out of her eyes.

“You, unfortunately, look ridiculous.” The Doctor laughed as he said this.

Ditzy laughed back and swiped her hair back in a dramatic way. “Hey, I can make this work. It could be a new fashion statement.”

The two shared a laugh. Ditzy looked thoughtful. “Not really sure what happened there. I wasn’t bumping the table or anything. Oh well. That’s what I get for not just asking you to pass it to me.”

The Doctor grabbed the candle that did the deed off the floor and examined it thoughtfully.

Ditzy flicked a hoof and wine flew from it. “Ugh, I’m going to take a bath. I’m not going to eat dinner like this.” She looked at the messed up table and mess created by this whole debacle. The plates were broken, food was splattered everywhere, and the vase was leaking water onto the floor. “Shame, it was a beautiful set up.” She looked at herself.

The Doctor nodded and stared at the ruins of what was their diner. He looked deep in thought. “Don’t worry. I’ll handle this. Take as long as you want.” Ditzy nodded in appreciation and left the room.

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara approached Dinky’s room carefully. Right after the fire was put out, Dinky ran to her room almost immediately, locked the door, and hadn’t left it for over an hour.

Diamond Tiara knocked on the door. “Are you ok?” There was nothing but silence. “Let’s

just give her a little time alone.”

Silver Spoon nodded. Diamond Tiara felt bad for her friend. Nothing ever seemed to go right for her. Diamond Tiara motioned of Silver Spoon to follow her. Hopefully Dinky would be in better spirits tomorrow. She was thinking about maybe lending Dinky some Fruits Basket DVDs to cheer her up.

“Like I can’t believe it. That couldn’t have gone worse.” Silver Spoon commented.

“No kidding.” It occurred to Diamond Tiara that this ended as well as the Cutie Mark Doofuses adventures usually did. She wondered if this meant she would end up covered in tree sap eventually.

“Heavens perish the thought.” Diamond Tiara thought to herself and shuttered.

“So what now?” SIlver Spoon asked.

“Easy, we’ll wait for Dinky to cool down and try again.” Diamond Tiara replied. Silver Spoon looked at her questionly. “The date plan was a bust. So what? We’ll just have to change our approach.” Diamond Tiara smirked. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot.

“You’re not the only ones who can sing," Lyra proclaimed in verse, “you don’t want the kind of pain I’ll bring.”

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 13

Hello again! This time we will be finishing Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. Phew, I am glad to be finally finished with this project. I am a little shocking just how much I turned against the fic in the end. I really liked it when I first read it. I guess I let the story’s flaws sour the story for me. But, this is only the beginning of the Lunaverse! Eventually the Lunaverse worked out the kinks in its narrative and is a thriving AU. I don’t think I will be returning to the Lunaverse for awhile. I want to move on to other stories now. Next will be Kingdom of Monsters by hielispace.

I am actually doing another riff series called Discord's Funtastic Theater 3000 with a user named Key Strix. We will be riffing a fantastically bad story named Sonic and Shadow in Equestria by Will Atkinson.The riff is almost done so expect to see it soon! Enough ramblings, on with the fic!

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to RainbowDoubleDash for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Part 1

Diamond Tiara frowned as she watched Dinky’s parents mill about. They weren’t doing anything in particular. They were chatting, but it was about almost certainly something pointless. No matter how much she looked at it, these two didn’t have any romantic chemistry in the slightest. They were friends and seemed quite happy to stay that way. They were almost siblings in a way. She wondered what happened in this alternate timeline that turned them from a loving couple to this. It was really quite confusing.

Dinky took what happened last week pretty hard. She’d been in a state of depression ever since. Underneath it was anger, maybe even bitterness. She was starting to lose hope and it hurt Diamond Tiara to see her friend like this. Every attempt to cheer her up failed and Silver Spoon suggested to just give her space. Diamond Tiara didn’t want to do that though. She was a mare of action and she hated sitting on her butt and letting things happen.

“Howdy princess!” A voice greeted from out of nowhere and Diamond Tiara jumped. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest.

Diamond Tiara scowled at the intruder. It was that Star Shot, Dinky’s so called protector and friend. Somepony that Diamond Tiara didn’t trust at all. It might have to do with the fact that it felt that she was mocking you whenever she talked to you and she knew something you didn’t.

Diamond Tiara glared at her. “Don’t do that.” She said evenly with a hint of a threat in her voice.

Star Shot just grinned. “My apologies princess. I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Fine.” Diamond Tiara just rolled her eyes.

“How’s the squirt doing?” Star Shop asked.

“Not great.” Diamond Tiara admitted. “I was hoping the experiment would cheer her up.”

Star Shot stroked her chin with a hoof. “Oh dear. This might be a problem.”

Diamond Tiara nodded. ‘You’ve known her longer, what might cheer her up?”

Star Shot looked thoughtful. “What a quandary.” Diamond Tiara looked at her expectantly before the older mare’s expression changed to a cheerful one. “I have no idea.”

Diamond Tiara glared. “Really? Come on! You don’t have anything?”

Star Shot shrugged. “Sorry, got nothing. But, hey, I’ll think of something.”

Diamond Tiara groaned and just sighed turned to the screens again deciding to ignore her. This was so big and it was frustrating unable to do anything.

“Hey, don’t be so glum. I’m sure it will all work out.” Star Shot pipped in.

After a few minutes Silver Spoon trotted in. “So, is Dinky here yet?”

“Nope, it isn’t really like her. She likes to be punctual.” Star Shot explained. Silver Spoon frowned concern obvious on her face.

“She probably just like, needs a little more time. Then, I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Silver Spoon suggested and Diamond Tiara reluctantly agreed.

It was five minutes before the experiment before Dinky finally entered the control room. She looked haggard and awful, but she seemed to cheer up when she saw her friends.

“Hey guys.” Dinky said in a weak voice.

“How have you been?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Okay.” Dinky walked over to the chair in front of the monitors and sat down. “I’m doing okay.”

“So, do you need anything?” Silver Spoon asked.

Dinky smiled. “A soda would be nice.”

“I’ll go get one.” Silver Spoon left for the kitchen. It was a small one, but had plenty of treats and food for a quick snack.

“We’ve been worried Squirt.” Star Shot piped in.

Dinky gave a weak smile. “Thanks. I think I’m fine now.”

“Good to hear!” Star Shot grinned and smacked Dinky across the head. The tiny unicorn almost fell out of her seat. She gave Star Shot an annoyed glare, one that seemed to be ignored.

Dinky hit a switch and spoke into a microphone. “Hello my little test subjects.”

Doctor waved a hoof. “Hey Dinky.” Ditzy waved as well.

“Today we will be finishing up Longest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash with chapters 9 through 12 and two epilogues.” Dinky announced getting to the point right away this time.

“Finally.” Ditzy said in relief.

“Two epilogues?” The Doctor gave a snort. “Figures.”

“Enjoy.” Instead of her typical evil laugh, it was more of a chuckle. The experiment alarm went off.

“Dinky seemed downer than usual.” Ditzy commented.

The Doctor grinned. “I think we’re finally breaking her down. Can’t be easy dealing with us every day.”

Ditzy nodded and smiled. “Soon she’ll throw us out just be rid of us.”

Dinky scowled and just sat there brooding. Diamond Tiara put a comforting hoof on her back and she smiled appreciatively. Star Shot just stood there seemingly deep in thought.

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Ditzy: I don’t believe this. Two epilogues. Two!

Doctor: (Sighs) Any particular reason why they can’t just be one?

Ditzy: This story just won’t end!

Being as unaffected by the sirens as she had been,

Doctor: Like it really matter either way.

Ditzy: So, ‘He’s a dragon’ is all we get for an explanation?

Doctor: What more do you want?

Spike was at Lyra’s side before anypony else, but Trixie reacted faster, reaching out with telekinesis and hauling Lyra up and out of the river’s bank.

Doctor: Sorry Spike, you're not allowed to be helpful in any way.

The other unicorn was shivering and had her teeth chattering, and was now covered head to hoof in mud and freezing water as she was laid onto Carrot Top’s waiting back. Once she was firmly in place, the ponies, zebra, and baby dragon took off from the river at full-speed,

Ditzy: Right into a hydra's nest.

Spike hopping once more onto Zecora’s back after grabbing Lyra’s fallen lyre.

Ditzy: Does it matter? Couldn’t she just summon it back to her? Or did she create it? I have no idea what was going on there.

“Anypony else having second thoughts about this?” Trixie asked as they galloped, before looking to Zecora.

All: Nope.

Ditzy: You better get used to this. It’s going to happen a lot from now on.

“And why weren’t you helping Lyra? Those sirens were gonna kill us!”

“Yeah!” Cheerilee joined in. “You just stood there talking to yourself!”

Doctor: Which is the actually the first sign of sanity.

Zecora shot the two of them glares as they finally came to a stop in a clearing far from the river.

Ditzy: (Zecora) You don’t need to get into such a huff, I was just doing... stuff.

Most of the snow in it had melted, leaving wet, dead grass and mud that reached up to their fetlocks. “I am not immune to the siren’s spell,” she said, “without my mantra, they would have enthralled me as well. This way she had only five to save from a watery grave, rather than six from the sirens’ tricks.”

Ditzy: But couldn’t they just use their magic shock wave attack to knock you out of your mantra then enthral you? Hmm, or they could just knock you out. Or have one or two of them attack you and distract you while the other enthrals you.

Trixie shook her head. “The sirens said that they’d met you before, though. I didn’t think that Raindrops had to specify this, but you’re supposed to be guiding us safely to the Palace, not right past a bunch of sirens! If you knew they were going to be there – “

Doctor: Sorry, but nothing in the fine print says anything about actually protecting your lives if you’re in danger.

Ditzy: You should have really worded this agreement a little better.

Zecora looked indignant. “That river is many miles long,” she interrupted, jabbing a hoof in the direction that they had galloped from. “I do not know the range of the siren’s song, nor could I know where they chose to lair.

Ditzy: Maybe they mentioned it on their Ponybook page?

I did not intentionally bring us there!”

Doctor: Uh huh.

Ditzy: Oh no, I already see where this is going...

Trixie opened her mouth to raise another objection, when she heard Lyra cough from atop Carrot Top’s back. The zebra probably had some good points, but Trixie didn’t have to acknowledge that, and she had more immediate concerns anyway.

Doctor: I’m sure ignoring the possibility of a traitor in your group won’t bite you in the behind later.

Trixie trotted over to Carrot Top and Lyra, looking her fellow unicorn over. Lyra’s eyes were closed, and she was breathing in short, quick gasps and still shivering.

“Is she gonna be alright?” Carrot Top asked, craning her neck to look at the pony on her back. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s overchanneled,” Trixie said,

Ditzy: Which isn’t that big of deal. She’ll only take 1d8 points of damage.

shaking her head again as she stepped back a few feet and looked down to the ground, her own horn glowing as she singled out a large section of grass. “Hang on, let me try to dry this – ”

Her spell was interrupted by a burst of green flame across the grass. The other ponies backed away in fright,

Doctor: Fire bad.

looking to the flame’s source and seeing Spike, atop Zecora’s back, exhaling as hard as he could. After a moment, he stopped, panting a little. The area of grass that Trixie had singled out was now blackened to a crisp, but thanks to the overall wetness of the clearing there was no danger of a fire.

Ditzy: And left the refreshing smell of pine.

After a second, he made a curious gesture of extending a hand with fist clenched, except for his thumb, which pointed straight up.

Ditzy: Good work Spike! ...Too bad Trixie could have just done it herself anyway.

“…thanks,” Trixie decided,

Doctor: (Trixie) Thanks for taking away my cool moment, jerk.

as she removed her cape and lay it across the burned grass, the enchantments in it ensuring that it was in no danger of catching fire,

Ditzy: Makes sense. Her cape could carelessly catch on fire while camping or something. Does she have a spell preventing it from accidentally getting caught on something and killing her?

Doctor: Or having it thrown over her head while fighting someone?

at least from the few fuel-starved embers that remained. She then took Lyra from Carrot Top’s back and set her down on the ground.

“Overchanneled?” Ditzy Doo asked after she was done. “What is that? Like magically working yourself to exhaustion?”

“No,” Trixie said, as she took Lyra’s lyre from Spike and laid it down next to the prone unicorn, “it’s like having ninety percent of the blood in your body sucked right out while trying to run a marathon.”

Ditzy: I knew it was a bad idea to cover the contestants’ bodies in leeches before the race.

The others recoiled in shock at that, as Trixie continued. “She poured all the magic in her body into what she just did. She’s running on fumes right now, basically.”

Doctor: That’s why you need Venom Energy. It provided piercing energy that strikes back.

“Will she be okay?” Cheerilee demanded, dropping to her knees next to her friend.

Trixie shook her head. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Dammit Cheerilee. I’m a magician, not a doctor!

“She needs magic. If I had an ether she’d probably already be awake, but right now all she can do is sleep and recover her magic naturally. It might take hours or days or…longer.”

Doctor: (Trixie) To a commercial break at least!

“I could fly back to Ponyville and get an ether,” Raindrops suggested.

Ditzy: Don’t split the party.

“The hospital would have a few, right?”’

Doctor: (Raindrops) Is Lyra insured?

Ditzy: (Trixie) Meh, who cares. If she didn’t sign up for Lunacare, than it’s her own fault.

Trixie grimaced. “Or we could all go back – ” she began, but was interrupted by Carrot Top.

“Wait,” she said. “Ether? Like from an ether flower?”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) I knew my convenient knowledge of Everfree plant life would be useful somehow.

Trixie blinked. “Um…sort of?” she guessed. “Except no, ether flowers are too rare, so they’re really a mix of – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) Well, let’s just say she’s going to see pink elephants for awhile.

“They’re not rare,” Carrot Top interrupted, again. “I mean, not really rare.

Ditzy: (Carrot Top) They just have a low spawn rate.

They’re just hard to get since they only grow in the Everfree and nopony wants to make a habit out of coming here.

Ditzy: Pansies. Zecora does it all the time.

Doctor: And...Applebloom and her friends apparently.

But they blossom year-round since they feed off of magic rather than sunlight! I could go looking for some.”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) They’re just guarded by a giant space scorpion.

“A flower that restores lost magic power?” Zecora asked. “Tell me the appearance of your claim; I may know it by another name.”

“Blue, with red stripes,” Carrot Top provided. “The petals sort of look like small maple leaves. The stem is very toxic, but the petals aren’t. They grow low to the ground.”

“Ah, in my tongue this plant is uchawi maua,

Doctor: Hold on. If it is only native to the Everfree Forest, how can the zebras have a name for it?

and I am familiar with its power.

Doctor: Yet unable to instantly identify it by its unique characteristics.

I know of a grove where we can find the flower; we could be there in half an hour.”

Ditzy: (Zecora) It’s not a trap to a terrible beast! Let us hurry, it’s to the east.

“And it’ll still be there?” Trixie asked, not wholly trusting Zecora’s sense of direction anymore. “Some animals won’t of come along and eaten them, will they?”

Doctor: ...No Trixie. I highly doubt animals would eat every single flower in a groove. And the flower’s stem is poisonous so they won’t eat it anyway.

Carrot Top and Zecora both shook their heads, however. “Like I said,” the earth pony explained, “the stem is poisonous, so most animals stay away.”

Ditzy: Duh.

“Alright,” Cheerilee said, pointing to herself and then Ditzy Doo. “Ditzy and I will stay with Lyra and keep an eye on her…I don’t want to move her more. Ditzy can take to the air in half an hour and provide a way for Raindrops to find us when you’re heading back.”

Ditzy: Oh great, they’re splitting the party, again. Don’t they realize that leads to death?

“Got it,” Raindrops said with a slight salute, while the rest of them turned and galloped off.

Doctor: And they seem completely unaware to the dangers.

“You weren’t serious about giving up, were you?” Raindrops asked.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) You were trained by Princess Luna! You probably know how to make somepony’s head explode or something!

Despite the initial speed of their pace, the ground of the Everfree – covered with overgrown roots, mud, and still-mounting mist that was now reaching their knees – had slowed their stride quickly. Zecora assured them, however, that they were making good time.

Doctor: And reminded them again that this totally isn’t a trap.

Despite this, Spike and Zecora seemed to of taken up arguing with each other over something, though in low voices and not entirely in Equestrian. The three ponies chose not to intercede.

Trixie looked to Raindrops. “Lyra’s been hurt now. This is why I wanted to just come in here by myself.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Right now I would have been super overleveled to the point nothing could challenge me.

“You’d be siren food if you had come in alone,” Carrot Top pointed out.

Doctor: (Carrot Top) You would be grilled and served with potatoes and green beans.

“Or worse. A lot of things that might attack a single pony would leave a group alone.”

Doctor: Those monsters are very shy and hate being around groups.

Trixie shivered slightly as she dwelled on that, though also for more natural reasons. She hadn’t realize how much she had been relying on her cape to keep her warm;

Doctor: Despite never shutting up about it.

despite the sunlight being warm enough to melt snow and create fog and mist, it was still quite chilly in the Everfree, something that she wasn’t really used to dealing with for the past few years ever since she had first enchanted her cape. At least she still had her hat. It didn’t bear any elements-resisting enchantments of its own, but it was keeping her ears warm.

“So how do you know about ether flowers anyway?” Trixie asked, changing the subject.

“I tried to grow them once,” Carrot Top said,

Doctor: (Carrot Top) They sell well on the streets as a...medicinal herb!

chuckling slightly at the thought. “I thought that maybe all they’d need is a little earth pony magic and care.

Doctor: (Carrot Top) Trixie, why are you snickering?

But the seeds I’d managed to find never even budded until I dug them back up and put them back in the Ever – uh, Zecora, stop walking!”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) You’re about to step in some...animal business.

The zebra froze, looking back to Carrot Top curiously, then down. Poking just up and out of the mist was a shoot covered with blue leaves. Zecora’s eyes widened and she said something else in her native language as she stepped backwards from it,

Ditzy: Phew, that was close. Zecora has terrible allergies.

Spike looking equally concerned atop her back, eyes very wide.

Carrot Top had stopped as well, as had Raindrops and Trixie. “What is it?” Trixie asked, eyes as wide as everypony else’s. Carrot Top was waving a hoof, trying to disperse the fog, but to no avail. “Raindrops?” she asked, “do you think you could maybe move some of this?”

Raindrops nodded, rearing up on her hind legs and beating her wings furiously several times in rapid succession. Her natural pegasus abilities made her far better at moving fog than the others,

Ditzy: Really, and here I thought Carrot Top’s waving of her hoof would do the trick!

and in a few moments a large area of the muddy, root-choked ground was revealed. However, where Zecora had been about to step was covered in blue plants, most of them only fetlock-high but some growing much taller.

Doctor: Oh no! Campanulas!

Carrot Top breathed out a sigh of relief, though Zecora’s own was larger. “Thank you, Carrot Top,” the zebra said. “I would not have wanted to walk through that foul crop.”

The earth pony nodded before looking to her companions. “Poison joke,” she explained. “Another magical flower, grows largest in the winter. Its effects are…less than fun…if it touches you.”

Ditzy: But perfect for comedic gags.

“No kidding,” Spike noted in a low voice. From the sound of it, he probably had some kind of personal experience with it.

Doctor: (Spike) I was a filly for a week!

“These were not here when last I went this way,” Zecora said. “Its presence my cause significant delay…”

Doctor: Uh, huh.

Ditzy: What? What are you trying to say? That somehow this entire groove of flowers grew over the span of a couple days?

Trixie decided not to raise a point about this being the second time Zecora had managed to nearly lead them to disaster, though not out of a sense of altruism. Trixie may not have been an official part of the Night Court until a few days ago, but she had certainly had ample opportunity to experience it. Amongst the Night Court, there was a saying: once was coincidence, but twice was conspiracy.

Ditzy: Maybe, but she’s doing a terrible job if she almost offed herself twice.

Doctor: They must be really paranoid. Usually the expression is ‘Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action’.

Ditzy: Well with all the dirty deads and backstabbing it isn't surprising.

On the other hoof, Zecora had nearly walked into the poison joke herself, and her ‘plan,’ if it had been one, seemed poorly thought out.

Doctor: Yes, you would think she would lure you into a more effective trap.

Ditzy: And actually watch where she is going.

One used a poison because it could be done discretely, with little evidence leading back to the poisoner.

Ditzy: Wow, the Night Court sound’s absolutely nasty if this stuff happens all the time.

One did not simply lead the hapless victims to a grove of poisonous plants and invite them to frolic.

Nevertheless, Trixie filed away her suspicions into her ‘interesting’ mental folder.

Doctor: Again, the fact you have a potential traitor group is only ‘interesting’ no need to get too worried about it.

Ditzy: And ignore the fact she might have tried to kill you.

Raindrops trotted closer to the poison joke, rearing up and beating her wings once more and clearing more fog.

Ditzy: Raindrops used defog!

The blue patch was large, stretching in the direction they had to go further than Raindrop’s wings could clear, while also stretching a long ways to the left and right, even as the pegasus moved to clear as much ground as possible.

Doctor: Hmm. Those are a lot of flowers to spontaneous appear Zecora.

“Nuts,” Raindrops proclaimed as she settling back on her hooves, as Carrot Top and Trixie joined her. “This could take a while…”

“Time we don’t really have,” Trixie pointed out. “Leaving Lyra, Cheerilee, and Ditzy Doo by themselves, never mind whatever Corona is up to…”

Ditzy: Right now she’s making the hostages play board games to keep them busy! The monster!

“What does poison joke even do?” Raindrops asked.

Doctor: How do you feel about memes?

“Depends on the pony,” Carrot Top noted. “It basically takes whatever you’re proudest of or something you really want and inverts it somehow, like some kind of cruel joke.

Doctor: (Lyra) No! Not my stamp collection!

It’s not poisonous, exactly, it won’t kill you or really harm you,

Doctor: Except your pride.

and it takes hours to set in, but its effects can only be stopped by a special brew, which we can’t make this time of year; or really, really powerful magic, which we don’t have; or by just wearing off, which takes weeks.”

Ditzy: But hey, it good if you want to join vocal quintet.

“We’ll have to find another patch of ether flowers,” Spike said, looking to Zecora. Nopony noticed the slight smile on his face. “There’s another one somewhere, right?”

Doctor: Couldn’t Spike just burn them with his fire breath?

Ditzy: Do you really want to breath in poison joke?

Doctor: Good point.

“Indeed, that is true, one that is hopefully not obstructed by leaves of blue,” Zecora responded with a nod as she looked back to the group. “But it is several hours from here. We will have to hurry, else – have you gone mad?”

Carrot Top had taken in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and before Trixie or Raindrops could stop her, leapt forward, into the poison joke. A part of Trixie’s mind had registered that Zecora’s rhyming habit had been broken in shock, but most of her was focused on what Carrot Top had done.

Doctor: Yes, that was stunningly dumb thing to do.

The earth pony opened her eyes, then let out a long sigh as she turned around. “We need those ether flowers as soon as possible,” she stated in a determined voice. “Like I said, poison joke takes hours to set in. Zecora, just give me directions, I’ll get them myself, and we can deal with me later, after we’ve saved the world.”

Ditzy: (Carrot Top) And hey, I’ll be great comic relief for the rest of the fic.

Zecora blinked a few times. “Merely travel ten minutes that way,” she said after a moment, still fighting shock from her voice as she pointed straight ahead. “After that time, you should be able to gather away.”

Doctor: Maybe you should have asked that before jumping in. Couldn’t Raindrops just fly over and get them?

“Alright, thanks.” Carrot Top said as she turned around and began trotting off.

Raindrops and Trixie looked to each other, then the poison joke and Carrot Top, then back to each other. With a nearly simultaneous sigh, both started after Carrot Top, eliciting a gasp of surprise from Zecora and Spike and prompting Carrot Top to turn around, eyes wide. “What are you – ?” she began to demand.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Raindrops interrupted.

Doctor: Like why you didn’t just fly over the flowers?

Ditzy: Or why you couldn’t just carry them over?

“You said that the ether flower grows close to the ground, right? Might need my wings to clear the fog away.”

Ditzy: What, is it Silent Hill fog? It can’t be that bad.

“And you might need my spells for…stuff. Or junk,” Trixie said, waving a hoof.

Doctor: Right, you could use your coin from the ear trick to distract and impress monsters.

“We’re already on a time limit, think of this as extra motivation.

Doctor: It isn’t like Corona is going to kill the hostages in an hour if you don’t get the Elements of Harmony. Besides, it decreasesyour chance for success if all of you are affected.

Besides, we can’t have you going off by yourself all martyr-like and making us look bad.”

Ditzy: Uh, I think you just do that yourself Trixie.

“Uh, for the record?” Spike called from atop Zecora’s back, the zebra having not moved an inch as she was still trying to take in the insanity of the three ponies. “I’m perfectly okay with you going off by yourself all martyr-like. Me and Zecora will just stay right here.”

Ditzy: Yeah, if I am going to sacrifice myself, it’s going to be for a sane reason.

Doctor: It’s like taking a bullet for someone, when you could have easily just pulled them out of the way.

“Understood,” Raindrops responded, using a wing to give a lazy salute before turning back to Carrot Top. “Come on, let’s get going,” she said, trotting away. The unicorn and earth pony soon joined her.

“You two are idiots,” Carrot Top proclaimed as the blue leaves of the poison joke brushed against their fetlocks, their knees, and occasionally their barrels.

Ditzy: Takes one to know one.

“Yeah. Yeah we are,” Trixie assured the earth pony. “Not that you’re much better. What if I have a spell that could have gotten us through this without having to touch it?”

Ditzy: Like just using your magic to clear them away?

Doctor: Or just using something to cover the flowers so you can cross it safely?

Ditzy: Or Trixie could create a bubble around herself.

“Or I have, uh, these?” Raindrops reminded Carrot Top as she flapped her wings several times. “I could have gone after the ether flowers.”

Doctor: Maybe you shouldn’t point out the plotholes.

Ditzy: Yeah, it puts us out of a job.

Carrot Top looked between Trixie and Raindrops, then hung her head. “I didn’t think of that,” she said morosely. “I was just thinking about Lyra.”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) Who I barely know, only met a few days ago, and only had a few conversations with.

“Yes, yes, yes, you’re a giving mare to the point of being willing to walk through poison joke for somepony you don’t even know all that well,” Trixie said in a dry voice,

Ditzy: She’s the spirit of the Element of Generosity. Get it! Get it!

though a smile appeared on her face as she said it. “And we’re the stupid mares who followed you ‘cause you’re rubbing off on us.”

Ditzy: Really? I barely remember she exists half of the time.

“And making us look bad,” Raindrops reminded Trixie.

“Yeah, that too. Plus, you’re the one who pointed out how dangerous it is for a single pony in here, rather than a group.”

Carrot Top let out a long sigh at that, before raising her head. “Okay,” she said, forcing herself to smile.

Doctor: So, Rarity proved she was the Element of Generosity by being self sacrificing, clever, and thoughtful. Carrot Top did it by being foolhardy, reckless, and just plain dim.

The trio continued in relative silence at that point, soon finding themselves free from the poison joke that had dominated that part of the Everfree Forest. Raindrops beat her wings at regular intervals to dispel the fog, then the three of them would begin searching the ground for signs of the red-and-blue flower they were looking for.

Doctor: Ether flower tracks. 2, 3 days old.

At length, they actually managed to find the grove Zecora had spoken of,

Doctor: If Zecora is actually out to get them, it was pretty dumb to lead them exactly to what they were looking for.

Ditzy: Won’t it be funny if this was a complete accident and Zecora had no idea these were here?

set in the shadow of a cliff face where the sunlight probably rarely touched, even when it moved across the sky. The petals of the flowers did indeed look like maple leaves individually, though clustered together in bloom the appearance was more like a twelve-pointed, mostly blue star, with red lines running from the tips of the petals down the stem. The grove was large, at least as large as the poison joke grove, though compacted together rather than spread out.

Doctor: (Raindrops) It’s a good thing we got here when we did. The animals left almost none at all for us.

“How many do we need?” Raindrops asked as she gingerly poked a few of the flowers.

“I don’t know, exactly,” Carrot Top admitted as she began using her teeth to tear off flower petals, carefully avoided the toxic stem. Trixie offered her hat to carry them. “I guess just fill up Trixie’s hat?”

The unicorn took an experimental sniff as Carrot Top, Raindrops, and herself began gathering petals. The flowers smelled a bit like dandelions – not an unpleasant smell, so she wasn’t going to regret this, at least,

Ditzy: Come on. That can’t be your only hat right?

though a rumbling in her stomach suggested that she was going to be hungry from the experience of smelling something normally not available in winter.

Ditzy: You know greenhouses exist right?

Doctor: (Trixie) It couldn’t hurt to eat just one right?

After several minutes, Trixie’s hat was brimming, and the three ponies looked to each other.

“This was…anticlimactic,” Trixie said, as the three began trotting back the way they had come from, Trixie using telekinesis to hold her hat aloft. As they reached the edge of the poison joke patch, Trixie continued. “I was expecting something more…well…more.”

Ditzy: Again, maybe you shouldn’t point out this in your story.

“Things can’t be trying to eat us all the time,” Carrot Top pointed out.

Doctor: Oh, how wrong you are.

“Besides, we’ll be getting all the more we could want once the poison joke sets in.”

Trixie winced at that. Took something she was good at and twisted it, huh? Probably every spell she’d try to cast would be a fireball or something, then.

Ditzy: But, how would that be a cruel joke? That would be cool!

Either that or she’d become so clumsy as to trip over her own hooves.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Insert joke about me here.

It didn’t take the three of them long to find Spike and Zecora again, the two of them being heard before they were seen – once again the two seemed to be arguing over something, though their argument quickly died when they spotted the returning three. “That was fast,” Spike noted.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m surprised you all made it back here alive.

“I know, made for a nice change,” Raindrops noted, as she beat her wings and climbed into the air so as to get a bead on Ditzy Doo.

Ditzy: They’ve split the party three times already...and absolutely nothing happened to them. How is that possible?

Zecora looked over their haul of ether flowers. “With the power these petals can invoke,” she noted, looking to Trixie, “you could perhaps cure yourself of the poison joke. It would be wise to do so soon, lest the plant’s joke seal your doom.”

“Doom?” Trixie asked, raising an eyebrow.

All: Doom!

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Carrot Top asked. She looked to Trixie. “Like I said, whatever it does to you, it won’t be dangerous. I mean, you might shrink down to half your height, or your voice might change, or something. But it won’t be innately harmful.”

Doctor: Yes, but you’re overlooking that the joke might make your life more dangerous. Like falling into puddle while shrunk and drowning for example.

Trixie blinked a few times as she considered. “We’ll see how much Lyra needs first,” Trixie decided. “Then see what we can do with the rest."

Ditzy: So much for Carrot Top’s trial. All she did was stupidly get herself infected with poison joke, something that isn’t harmful or dangerous, and wasn’t threatened or menaced by any monsters whatsoever on her way to the ether flowers. Oh, and she had two ponies to help her too.

Doctor: A bit of letdown after Lyra’s trial.

Ditzy: Seriously, they couldn’t be guarded by some terrible beast or something?

Doctor: Well, the author likes to slow things down considerably after something exciting happens. Maybe he thought the audience couldn’t take that much excitement.

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 14

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Part 2

Lyra gagged as she felt something unbelievably bitter pressed into her mouth. She made to spit it out, but a pair of hooves clamped her mouth shut.

Ditzy: You are going to eat your veggies whether you want to or not young lady!

“No,” Cheerilee ordered in a determined voice as she held Lyra’s mouth closed. “You’re eating that. I don’t care how it tastes.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Open the tunnel—here comes the choo choo train! Choo choo!

Grimacing, the unicorn obeyed her captor.

Ditzy: Escape was impossible.

Chewing only made whatever she was eating taste worse, but after a moment she was able – barely – to swallow whatever foul thing had been she had been forced to eat.

Ditzy: Gee, you could have at least added some sugar to it first.

“There,” she said through clenched teeth, brushing Cheerilee’s hooves off of her mouth as she stood on shaking hooves.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Very good. Now have another bite. We have 6 more flowers left to go!

“That…gah, that was awful!” She ran her teeth on her tongue and spat, trying to get the taste off of it, but to no avail. There was only one option, then – she trotted away from where she had been lying, as it was largely (for some reason) blackened, burnt grass, and bent her head low, ripping up as much grass as possible from the clearing and chewing thoroughly.

Ditzy: (Lyra) This is great! I should do this more often to save money on food!

“It can’t be that bad,” Trixie said, as she looked into her hat, which was empty. “They smelled like dandelions…”

Doctor: (Trixie) Serve it with raw eggs and Worcester sauce and it would be magnifique!

“Thah thased lik fank!” Lyra noted, as best she could with a mouth full of grass. After swallowing – not that it helped much – she glared at the five ponies who were staring at her hopefully. “What?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) We don’t appreciate language like that around here missy,

“How are you feeling?” Ditzy Doo asked. “Trixie says that you overchanneled.”

Lyra blinked a few times, looking up at her horn as she willed some magic through it. It glowed gold, and the sensation of channeling magic felt normal. “Um…fine,” she said,

Ditzy: (Lyra) Woah, everything is bright and colorful. It feels like I’m touching Luna!

indignation at being made to eat whatever those things were disappearing at the sound of the word ‘overchanneled.’

Ditzy: (Lyra) That word is really long, it has to be something bad.

“H…how long was I out?”

Doctor: (Trixie) A little over a week. Unfortunately, the hostages are already dead. We didn’t make it.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Wha-what! No…

Doctor: (Trixie) Just kidding. It’s only been a few hours.

Ditzy: (Lyra) I am going to punch you.

“Only about an hour,” Cheerilee explained, eliciting a sigh of relief from Lyra – it could have been much, much longer.

Ditzy: She almost missed paying her phone bill.

“Carrot Top came up with the idea of finding something called an ether flower, and Zecora helped her, Raindrops, and Trixie find some. We fed you the petals while you were asleep, you were just instinctively chewing and swallowing until a moment ago.”

“Her body knew it needed magic and knew that the petals had them.” Trixie explained,

Ditzy: Is that how that works?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

as she telekinetically hefted her cape from the ground and then shook it around a little, getting residual moisture and soot from the burned grass off of it before replacing it on her back. She looked morosely into her hat again, then sighed. “So she ate all of them.”

Lyra’s head tilted to the side. “How is that a bad thing?” she asked.

Doctor: (Trixie) There are side effects. You’ll get on and off headaches, suffer intense nausea, and you’ll be on the john with severe diarrhea at least three or four times an hour. Oh, and you’ll get dry mouth.

“To get the ether flowers, we had to walk through poison joke,” Carrot Top explained.

Ditzy: (Carrot Top) You should have seen it. It was epic!

“Raindrops and Trixie and me. We’ll be fine, it’s not lethal, but its effects should begin in just a few hours.”

Ditzy: Things are about to get really wacky!

The mint unicorn looked between Carrot Top, Raindrops, and Trixie, eyes wide. “What?” she asked. “Why? Why couldn’t Raindrops just fly over the poison…whatever?”

Doctor: (Trixie) Because, um, quantum.

Carrot Top looked down at that, dejected, but for that received a playful flank-bump from Raindrops. “Because she’s an idiot,” Raindrops said, though without any malice in her voice. “We’re all idiots.”

Doctor: (Lyra) I’m on a quest of the damned.

“We’re also on a time limit,” Trixie said,

Ditzy: Yes, so let’s do every stupid and reckless thing to get the quest done sooner.

turning and looking to Zecora. She was at the edge of the clearing, talking to Spike, who was looking increasingly depressed at whatever it was Zecora had to say. Trixie didn’t feel bad, therefore, when she interrupted. “We need to get moving again, to the palace,” she said.

“I think I saw it when looking for Ditzy Doo,” Raindrops said, looking around a moment before pointing. “That way, right?”

Doctor: So it’s like we don’t even need Zecora at all then.

The zebra nodded. “This way to the ruined castle,” she said, turning and beginning to trot, the ponies following her and Spike once more hopping onto Zecora’s back. “Hopefully we can reach it without further hassle.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Why is she laughing maniacally?

Ditzy: (Lyra) Beats me.

To this day, nopony quite understood what had possessed Luna and Corona – or rather, Celestia, as this had been prior to her fall from grace – to build the Palace of the Royal Pony Sisters in the Everfree Forest.

Doctor: Good location, great view, near a convenience store and several restaurants, and it was quite affordable.

It had been rebuilt and remodeled many times over the millennia, but its foundations was old – older than Equestria as a nation, maybe even older than the three pony nations that had preceded Equestria; indeed, possibly even older than ponies as a race.

Doctor: Wait, it’s been around for over 200,000 years old?

Ditzy: I need to hire those contractor when I want to get a house!

With the sun hanging unmoving in the sky, it was difficult to tell what time it was, but if forced to guess Trixie would have supposed that it was probably past what should have been dawn.

Ditzy: None of you have a watch?

Given that, had Corona not been so inconsiderate as to escape from the sun and take over Equestria,

Doctor: Eh, those thing happen.

around sunrise was when she and everypony else had been planning on going to sleep, having stayed up to celebrate the Longest Night. She was thoroughly exhausted when the trees parted to reveal a deep ravine, and on the other side, the Palace.

The Everfree was quiet and still as the ponies (and zebra, and baby dragon)

Ditzy: Look, just say group. It’s easier.

Doctor: Any particular reason singling out the nonponies in the group?

approached the edge of their side of the ravine. By now, the fog that had been rising throughout the Everfree was reaching up to the pony’s barrels, and was bright, almost painful to look at as it reflected sunlight, adding to the eerie, unearthly sight of the Palace.

Ditzy: So, is this fog actually going to pay off? You constantly mention it. So far it's been pretty pointless.

No sound reached their ears other than a low wind and the sound of their own breathing and their own hooves on the snow.

The Palace itself looked surprisingly small, and seemed to be divided into two sections.

Doctor: After getting into a fight, the Princesses divided the castle with a line saying this part of the castle was theirs and the other wasn’t welcome.

Further from the ponies was a tall tower, covered in melting snow and ice with dead vines running up along the gray stone of the structure. Closer was a shorter but far broader building, likely once the main palace itself, where Luna and Celestia would have held Court – for anypony brave enough to journey into the Everfree to reach them, anyway.

Ditzy: That’s one way to get out of Court.

Doctor: Must make running a government really difficult.

Here and there, collapsed stone walls and edifices probably indicated that the tower and Court had once been part of a single, larger structure, but time and the encroachment of the Everfree’s twisted boughs had seen to it that this was no longer the case. There was also the remains of a wooden bridge hanging on the far side of the ravine, the ravages of time having caused it to collapse; this was probably just as well, though, as it prevented Trixie from being stupid enough to try and cross a thousand-year-old wooden bridge that nopony had been maintaining.

Doctor: Except Carrot Top proclaimed they didn’t have time to find another path and rush onto the bridge at full speed. The bridge broke and she fell to her death. The end.

Trixie glanced over the edge of the ravine. The fog from the snow, being heavier than air, was drifting over the edge, preventing her from seeing any further than about twenty feet down; it was impossible to judge just how far it was to the bottom. It was also too wide to risk jumping. “Guess we need to be carried,” she remarked, glancing to Raindrops and Ditzy Doo.

All: (Gasp)

Ditzy: Wow, you can do that?

Doctor: They are actually doing the sensible thing for once? I thought they were going to try and jump over.

Something nagged at Trixie, but she couldn’t place what at the moment, probably due to how tired she was.

“Guess so,” was Raindrops response, flapping her wings a few times in preparation, before taking wing and scooping up Cheerilee after she volunteered to go first, along with Lyra in Ditzy Doo’s hooves. Trixie took a moment to turn to Zecora and Spike. “Thank-you,” she said, forcing her suspicions of the zebra aside – after all, Zecora had guided them safely to the Palace, siren and poison joke run-ins aside. “I don’t know how long we would have been wandering around the Everfree without you.”

Doctor: Oh, I am sure you would have found it eventually. It isn’t like the first has proven to be particularly dangerous.

“I assure you, it was no trouble at all,” Zecora promised her. “But I must ask – how do you intend to free Equestria from Corona’s thrall?”

Ditzy: Friendship beams. The answer is always friendship beams.

Trixie made a face that was halfway between a grin and a grimace. “I have no idea,” she admitted quietly. “The Elements of Harmony are in there, so – ”

Doctor: (Facehoofs) No, don’t tell her your plans when you think she might actually be a traitor out to get you.

“Whoa,” Spike interrupted, eyes wide. “I thought they were in Canterlot!”

Doctor: (Spike) Ah ha! So there is a secret conspiracy behind the Elements! Another thing the government doesn’t want us to know about like it using fluoride to make ponies dumb and spread cancer and the secret behind aglets.

Trixie’s eyes widened a little as well, and she shook her head. She was really tired if she had let something like that slip. “No,” Trixie said. “But, um…don’t tell anypony, okay? I shouldn’t of said that.”

Doctor: Oh, don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine I’m sure.

Zecora offered a nod, as Spike scratched the back of his head. “Where are they?” he asked.

Ditzy: (Spike) I just thought it might be something I might like to now. It isn’t like I’m going to use this knowledge against you or anything. This is for completely innocent reasons. Yep. Completely innocent.

“Can’t tell you that, either,” Trixie said, as Raindrops and Ditzy Doo returned for her and Carrot Top.

Doctor: (Trixie) Now please excuse as we go on this completely unrelated tour of the Princess’s old castle.

“I understand your concern,” Zecora apologized. “Forgive Spike for asking out of turn.” She looked past Trixie, to the palace. “Once that was a place of wonder, but that feeling was torn asunder. It is now a place of pain and regret, one which I would rather forget. We came here once to wait out a storm, and a repeat of that time I would not like to perform.”

Ditzy: Yeah, that place has weird traps all over the place and is super spooky,

“So the traps still work, huh?” Trixie asked. Zecora inclined her head, and Spike nodded fervently. Trixie, herself, sighed. “Of course they do…”

Doctor: Well, of course. Secret death traps in old ruins are built to last.

“Good luck with that,” Spike offered, as Raindrops picked up Trixie, and the baby dragon waved goodbye, Zecora doing likewise. Once Trixie was down on the other side, she returned the gesture. She waited a few moments as she watched Zecora and Spike begin walking off; they were soon out of sight due to the fog. She then turned around and looked ahead. There was a rough, worn stairway they’d have to climb to reach the Court.

“Okay, here we go…” Trixie intoned, beginning to trot up the steps, the other ponies following her. “The first trap is right at the top of the steps here, at the door.”

Doctor: The Princesses really don’t like door-to-door evangelists.

Ditzy: And carolers.

“What’s it do?” Cheerilee asked.

“It’s a pressure plate,” Trixie explained. “But also magical. Setting it off will cause a wall of fire to spring up. It’s basically a ‘go away’ sign, the trap probably won’t hurt anypony, but it’ll scare them away…”

Doctor: Why? Why would the castle need this when it is the center of Equestrian government? Ponies come and go in the hundreds.

She paused at the door to the Court, staring down and making a face. “Unless somepony’s set it off already…” she intoned, leaning down. The tiles in front of the door were all depressed, sunken about an inch into the ground, while in a half-circle surrounding them the floor was scorched black.

Ditzy: And it creates a lot of unnecessary work. Somepony needs to get that out!

Trixie tentatively put a hoof on the pressure plate, then leaned her weight onto it, but nothing happened. “That’s not right…” she remarked in a low voice.

Doctor: (Trixie) Where’s the burning horrible unspeakable agony?

“Zecora and Spike have been here,” Carrot Top pointed out. “They probably set it off.”

“That’s not what’s odd,” Trixie said. “The traps are self-resetting and magically self-sustaining. There shouldn’t be any sprung traps…”

Doctor: That is what they get for cutting corners and going to a cheap magical trap contractor.

Ditzy: Dang it, these things are suppose to have a 3000 year guarantee!

Raindrops stared a moment, then shook her mane and trotted into the Court before Trixie could stop her. Nothing happened, however, and the pegasus looked back the group. “Don’t question good luck, I guess,” she decided.

Ditzy: (Trixie) What’s going on? Raindrops’s head should be rolling on the floor!

The ponies all wandered into the Court, getting their first look at it – or in Trixie’s case, her second. Because it was her second,

Doctor: Really? I didn’t know that.

however, her eyes widened slightly, at how much was out of place.

Ditzy: Pizza boxes and beer bottles were everywhere!

Here, there was a pit in the floor, lying open. Over there, an axe on a pendulum, embedded in a crumbling pillar. Another pillar had fallen over entirely, and would have been blocking the rear exit had its central section not been pushed out of the way by some force. There was an occasional scorch mark or acid pit on the floor, but the former were cool to the touch while in the latter the acid had calcified and was now harmless.

Doctor: The Princess’s take their pranking a little too far.

Ditzy: (Maid) Can a day go by where I don’t have to clean up blood or scorched flesh?

Doctor: This is just asking for a liability suit.

“What?” she demanded. “No, no, no…there’s supposed to be death traps! Really clever ones!”

Doctor: So does this mean that the Canterlot Castle has death traps too?

Trixie trotted forward to a pit, looking down. At the bottom were spikes, but no sign of any kind of body of somepony who may have set it off.

Doctor: (Pony) Princess Luna! The prince of Camalu was just impaled by the spikes of the pit trap!

Ditzy: (Luna) I know! Isn’t it hilarious!

“Maybe…” Lyra ventured. “Animals? Maybe animals set them off?”

“Oh, right,” Trixie remarked, rolling her eyes. “Nine hundred ninety-five years or so passed before Luna and me came here and everything was in place. Then five years later the animals of the Everfree decide to hold a party here or something?”

Ditzy: Yeah, it was called Dashcon. For some reason, it wasn’t very successful.

Lyra’s eyes narrowed slightly, and Trixie let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “Sorry. I’m tired.

Ditzy: (Trixie) You flankhead! Sorry, I didn’t mean that.

And no, not animals. There’s an enchantment woven over the whole area that’ll keep animals out.

Doctor: Ponies are animals too Trixie.

Somepony came here and set off the traps, and then somehow kept them from resetting. But why would…” Her eyes widened as she realized. “The Elements!”

Ditzy: Oh, I get it! Daring Do was here and already took the Elements!

It was taking the combined efforts of every single unicorn in the capital city, but Celestia was nevertheless being kept out of Canterlot.

Ditzy: (Pony) Push ponies! Push! Eventually she’ll get tired and leave!

The white alicorn stood in the sky directly over the city, not even bothering to beat her wings in order to remain suspended in the air.

Doctor: But won’t it be easier and more magically efficient to just fly normally?

Beneath her, the city of Canterlot – which had grown quite large since last Celestia had laid her eyes upon it –

Doctor: (Corona) What? Benneighans has closed down?! That was thy favorite restaurants!

was encased in a violet sphere, and had been since her arrival. Had it been created by a single unicorn, Celestia could have smashed through it long ago – but the white-coated unicorn who was generating it, who stood in the courtyard of Canterlot Castle wearing blue-and-silver armor that Celestia could only assume was the current uniform of the Royal Guard,

Ditzy: And wasn’t nearly as spiffy as blue and gold.

was being fed a constant stream of additional magic by dozens of other unicorns in the Guard. And they were being aided by other unicorns themselves, and they by others, and so on. The result was a magical sphere that could defy even Celestia’s power.

Doctor: It’s a good thing Luna has drills in case of crazed Alicorn attacks.

For a time, anyway.

Doctor: Corona could just dig under the shield.

The alicorn had set her hostages down on the ground beneath her, enclosing them within a wide circle of fire. She had previously been keeping them suspended in the air with her, but the crying of the foals – and more than a few of the adult ponies, as well – had begun to grate on her nerves, and her calls for silence had been disobeyed.

Ditzy: Panicky hostages are so unreasonable.

She recognized, however, that their disobedience was not intentional, but rather born from the irrational fear the ponies felt towards her glorious person. Had she not already seen to Luna’s banishment, her little sister would have had much to answer for.

Doctor: She’s got Luna there.

Celestia walked forward along the air, striding right up to the edge of the magical bubble and glaring down into it. She was absolutely certain that, if she brought her full power to bear on the bubble, she could smash through it. She was equally certain that doing so would probably ignite the atmosphere for several miles in every direction, rendering Canterlot and much of the surrounding countryside a fiery wasteland of scorched glass and burned earth.

Ditzy: But hey, it made room for a parking lot for her new castle.

She had to be patient with the ponies, she reminded herself. They had a thousand years of Luna’s lies controlling their actions.

Celestia closed her eyes, willing herself forward. No matter how thick the mesh, some insects could always find their way through – and with magical shields, it was no different, albeit in a more metaphorical sense. She could not bring any true power down on Canterlot while it persisted, but she could project the tiniest portion of her power forward and will it to take on her shape and form inside the barrier, manifesting in front of the unicorn who projected the shield.

Doctor: Unfortunately, it was only a hoof and a half tall.

The reaction was just shy of instantaneous, of course – there were dozens of spears from nearby pegasus and earth pony guards trained on her, while numerous unicorns broke off their channeling energy into the shield-generating unicorn and turned their magic towards her avatar. None of them, however, were quite foolish enough to attack her.

Doctor: (Guard) Come on attack her.

Ditzy: (Guard) No, you attack her!

Doctor: (Guard) Are you crazy? That’s suicide!

Ditzy: (Guard) Then why should I attack her?

Doctor: (Guard) I don’t know. Somepony needs to start this thing!

The shield’s creator, himself, opened his eyes, but his horn continued to glow and project power to Canterlot’s barrier.

“Peace, my subjects,” Celestia assured the Guard ponies, bowing her head slightly to them. “I would speak with whomsoever my sister hath appointed as her – ”

Ditzy: (Corona) Royal confectioner. I haveth gone forever without a piece of cake!

“Release Luna from the moon,” The shield creator interrupted, stamping his hoof as he did so.

Celestia blinked several times at the affront. Such disrespect! Did Luna really tolerate such an attitude from her soldiers?

Ditzy: Yeah, he could at least say please.

“Dost thou speak for all of Canterlot in my sister’s stead?”

The unicorn offered neither confirmation nor denial. Celestia’s eyes narrowed at yet another blatant act of disrespect for a being of her station.

Doctor: They could at least offer her some tea. No manners at all.

“Thy shield is of impressive quality,” she pressed on.

Ditzy: (Guard) This is pure homegrown natural Equestrian magic shielding here!

“And thou art no doubt acting as thou believes thou must to protect thy charge.

Doctor: (Corona) But let’s face it, thou has never paid you well and my sister used you more as an errand boy than guard.

But I speak truly when I say that I intend no harm to Canterlot, nor to her inhabitants,” she looked around to the Guard ponies surrounding her avatar, “nor her defenders! You are as mayflies standing against a hurricane.

Ditzy: With sharks in it!

Your bravery is of the sort spoken of in legends,

Ditzy: Well, on internet forums at least!

but it is misplaced! I would be a poor Queen indeed if I intended harm to my subjects.

“Now, noble Guard. I see no reason why – ”

“Release Luna from the moon,” the unicorn repeated, “now.”

Doctor: (Guard) It’s bowling night and the Princess has never missed it in 500 years.

A second interruption! Celestia’s eyes narrowed further as she forced herself not to grow angry with the gnat in front of her.

Ditzy: Forgive him. He’s an NPC. He’s only allowed to say one thing,

“Thou art only mortal. No other pony in Canterlot could create this shield, and it is only through the aid of so many other unicorns that thou create a barrier that I cannot penetrate. Thy helpers shalt grow weary. Thou shalt grow weary. But I – I am immortal. I am the Sun. I need never sleep, nor eat, nor do anything but wait for thy failure.

Ditzy: (Corona)(Stomach grumbles) Sorry, thy just has… something in her throat!

One way or another I shall enter Canterlot. Dost thou really wish for me to do so with flames at my hooves and my eyes filled with burning wrath?

Ditzy: (Guard) Ha! Idiot! That would burn your own hooves!

Art thou so callous towards the ponies thou art sworn to protect?”

Doctor: (Guard) I’m a guard. I don’t do philosophical questions like that. My only job is to blindly attack anything I consider a threat.

Only silence greeted Celestia’s appeal to reason. Her eyes had slimmed to become narrow slits by this point. “Thou art – ”

“Release Luna from the moon, now!” The Guard interrupted. A third time. Deliberately. He had waited to interrupt Corona in such a fashion. Even worse, even more unbelievably, he had shouted at her.

Ditzy: And it really hurt her feelings.

“Thou shalt not speak to me in such a manner!” Celestia exclaimed, as she felt her control on her temper slip. She did nothing to rein it in. “Dost thou not know who I am?”

“Of course I do,” the guard responded. “You’re the Tyrant Sun – Corona.”

Doctor: (Guard) The princess puts up constant reminders of how much of a foal eating monster you are.

“That is not my name!” Celestia shouted, stomping a hoof.

Ditzy: I hear you sister.

It had significantly less force in this mere avatar’s body than it would have in person, but it certainly served to accentuate her point. “That is a lie constructed by my treacherous sister! I am Celestia, foal! I am the Sun! I am thy Queen!

Doctor: (Corona) Come on! How many times must thou say this?

Thou hast no right to bar me from assuming my throne! It is mine! Equestria is mine! All of it! Mine!”

Doctor: (Corona) It's mine, thou understand? Mine! All mine! Mine, mine, mine! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

The way in which the white-coated unicorn waited for Celestia to finish shouting at him reminded her far too much of a parent nonchalantly observing a foal’s temper tantrum.

Ditzy: It looks like somepony needs to spend a five minutes in a corner.

Doctor: This is our big villain? An overgrown toddler?

Ditzy: (Sighs) So much for her being cool and opposing.

The carefully neutral, almost conciliatory tone to his voice as he spoke next did not help with the impression. “Equestria doesn’t have a queen,” he said, “it has a princess. And as long as there is a breath in my body, I will never let you have Canterlot…Corona.”

Doctor: (Shining) Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it! Please buy it!

Celestia snarled, an animalistic, alien expression and sound for an equine being.

Ditzy: It sounded like an elephant neighing.

Her head dipped somewhat as her wings spread. “What is thy name?” she inquired in a low voice.

Ditzy: (Corona) I will destroy thee on tumblr!

The unicorn drew himself up fully, to his admittedly impressive height, though he was still noticeably shorter than Celestia herself. “Shining Armor,” he declared.

The alicorn offered a bright grin that was totally out of place on her otherwise incensed features. “A hundred years from now,” she said, “when ponies walk by the still-burning crater that this city will become, when foals turn to their parents and ask what happened here, those parents shall tell their foals a story of the hubris and the arrogance of one pony who dared to try and hold back the glory of the Sun. And the pony they speak of shalt be thou, Shining Armor!”

Ditzy: (Shining) On second thought, a queen would be a nice change of pace after 1000 years of a boring old princess!

Celestia withdrew her avatar from Canterlot, bringing her consciousness back to her own body.

Doctor: And found it in a bloody heap. She forgot that she was 30 hooves in the air when she left her body.

Her wings beat once, dragging her backwards and away from Canterlot,

Ditzy: (Corona) Fine then! I didn’t want this stupid castle anyway!

even as her horn glowed and her hostages, the ponies taken from Ponyville, were wrapped in several layers of protective magic. She had no intention of betraying her word to the Ponyvillians – and besides, she would need ponies to bear witness to the rightful wrath she was about to bring down upon Canterlot.

Ditzy: She gave them popcorn.

All the better that so many of them were foals: they would carry this divine retribution in their memories for all their lives.

Doctor: And spend years in therapy trying to get over it.

Her horn glowed brighter as she began dragging the pure power of the Sun into her being. She would destroy Canterlot utterly, reducing it to molten rock and blackened glass.

Doctor: This is why you shouldn’t let amateurs taunt supervillains.

Ditzy: Please leave taunting to power crazed lunatics to the professionals.

She could build a capital elsewhere, after all,

Doctor: (Corona) A beach side castle here I come!

it mattered not where she reigned from, and this would probably be the surest way to wipe out the majority of her sister’s influence in a single stroke –

Ditzy: (Night Court Representative) Boy do I love being a corrupt politician! I closed an orphanage to build a mini mall today just for fun! I sure hope I don’t get an instant karmic punishment for this.

There was a flash of green in front of Celestia. The alicorn paused in her gathering of power, as the flash realized itself as a rolled-up, short scroll,

Ditzy: Wait, no. No. How can Spike send messages to somepony he’s never met?

Doctor: Is there some supernatural phonebook?

which began to fall until Celestia grasped it with her telekinesis. Was it an attempted apology on Shining Armor’s part? However much she deserved it, Celestia doubted that the foal’s tiny number of brain cells could have interacted enough to realize the depths of his mistake in speaking to Celestia as he had.

All: Zing.

Curiosity drove the alicorn forward as she unfurled the scroll and began to read.

Doctor: (Corona) Thy hath won the lottery and all thee needs to do is give thy bank account number? What a lucky day!

O Queen Corona, I am your faithful servant,

Towards the signs of your return I have been most observant

Doctor: Which are?

Ditzy: We aren’t getting an answer are we?

I journeyed to the Everfree Forest to bring aid to you,

Ditzy: (Letter) The cyborg manticores I have created should send your enemies adieu.

And serving by your side is all I pursue.

“…verse?” Celestia asked nopony, blinking several times in confusion.

Ditzy: (Corona) Is this one of those rap artist thy haveth heard so much about?

This letter was written in verse? Who had written it? A zebra? The sheer novelty – not to mention the genuinely servile tone which was the right and proper way to address her – was even enough to make her ignore that the letter was addressed to the lie that was Corona.

Ditzy: (Corona) Thy flank kissing skills are quite impressive.

This letter is not how I wished to contact your majesty,

Ditzy: (Letter) But my phone broke in quite a tragedy.

But in the Everfree there is a problem, a travesty.

Doctor: And accidently falling into your own traps several times.

Six ponies have entered here and despite my impediments

They are near now to reaching the Harmonious Elements.

Celestia’s eyes grew wide as something – not fear! –

Doctor: Not a very smart villain I see.

but something stabbed at her heart.

Ditzy: It’s Luna’s Shadowbolt assassins!

The Elements of Harmony? Surely that was what the author of this letter was referring to, Harmonious Elements being used instead simply to continue the rhyme.

Ditzy: You would think she would have rhymed that better.

I fear that I am no match for these ponies alone,

Doctor: I don’t know about that. She’s shown to be quite the fighter.

Ditzy: With Lyra out of the fight, she could have gotten the drop on Trixie, Raindrops, and Carrot Top when they were alone. Then finish off me and Cheerilee at her leisure.

And I beg forgiveness for drawing you away from your throne,

But if these ponies reach the ruined Palace, their destination,

They could in their foolishness cause you endless frustration!

I implore you my Queen to come to the Everfree castle

Before these ponies can cause you hassle

Ditzy: Why does Zecora think that friendship death beams are just a minor inconvenience?

I offer my services and skills in plethora

Your faithful servant,

– Zecora.

All: Dun dun dun!

Ditzy: Dear Celestia, who would have guessed?!

Zecora. Definitely a zebra name, which explained the rhyming as well as her devotion –

Doctor: So we are making the character that is both foreign and isn’t a pony evil? I don’t see how that might be taken the wrong way.

though the territory of Equestria had never stretched to the zebra homeland in the far south, the zebras had always been sun-worshippers,

Ditzy: And even liking the sun makes you evil!

offering constant praise and supplication to the sun and, therefore, to Celestia. This particular zebra also had a gift for understatement if she thought that ponies getting their mortal hooves on the Elements of Harmony would be merely frustrating. Corrupted by dark magic as they had been by Luna (for how else could her wayward sister have turned them upon her?) the Elements of Harmony could conceivably be used to banish her once more, consign her once again to a thousand years of exile on the sun!

Doctor: Again, for exactly 1000 years.

Celestia’s magic reached down, and she grasped her hostages and levitated them into the air again, ignoring their screams of terror as she turned and began flying with all speed towards the Everfree Forest,

Doctor: (Shining) You better run! Ha, so much for the Tyrant Sun! Right boys!

the site of old palace. Canterlot could wait. This was a problem that had to be dealt with, now.

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 15

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Part 3

Trixie shot off, running for the rear entrance of the Court. The other five ponies followed quickly.

Ditzy: (Lyra) This is perfect! If there are any traps, Trixie will set them off for us.

Beyond the ruined Court was a wide plaza, probably a former courtyard. The trees of the Everfree had yet to encroach on it, meaning the entire plaza was covered in slushy, melting snow that covered the tiled ground beneath them. Trixie had paused as she entered, letting out a huge sigh of relief as she did. A slight tingling sensation was running across her body,

Ditzy: (Trixie) My Trixie-sense is tingling!

but she chalked it up to nervousness, fear, and mounting exhaustion.

Doctor: Trixie thought there was no reason to be nervous about anything.

Sitting in the plaza, near the exact center, was what looked like a sculpture made from obsidian.

Doctor: It wasn’t though. The princesses were cheap and used coal instead.

Rising in its center was a pillar of the volcanic glass, about ten feet tall.

All: Hooves.

At its tip stretched more than a dozen long spikes made from the same stone, each a different length. The five longest spikes, at their ends, were impaling five stone spheres, each of which bore a different marking carved into their surfaces. It looked almost like a sculpture of a star in nova, and definitely looked far too delicate to have possibly withstood a millennium of not being tended to by master stonemasons.

Doctor: So she gave it a kick to see how sturdy it was.

The most interesting part of the statue, though, was that it was bare and smooth. Despite the low fog and the snow all around it, the statue itself was dry.

Doctor: The true power of the Elements of Harmony, demoisturizing.

Even more so than the rest of the palace, this place seemed somehow utterly still and inert.

Ditzy: (Trixie) That’s weird. Oh well. Off to find the Elements!

Trixie let out a sigh of relief as she turned around, gesturing to the statue.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I can sell this to an art museum and make a fortune!

“The Elements of – ” she began, when she noticed that the other five ponies were casting their gazes around in panic, none of them looking at her.

“Where’d she go?” Carrot Top demanded as she trotted forward several paces, nearly running down Trixie before the unicorn side-stepped out of the way. “Trixie?”

“I’m right here,” Trixie said, looking down at her hooves – or trying to, anyway, as her hooves seemed to have vanished, along with the rest of her body and clothing. “Or not…okay, I’m invisible, must be the poison joke – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’m starting to realize that this heroic sacrifice thing is for the birds.

“She can’t have just disappeared,” Cheerilee interrupted.

“I totally can, actually,” Trixie noted,

Ditzy: She uses it to sneak into ponies' houses without permission.

“but I’m – ”

“Maybe one of the traps was still active?” Ditzy Doo asked, as she beat her wings several times, getting to the air as she searched the courtyard’s surface, presumably for any sign of a trap having gone off.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) There’s no blood at least. That’s a good sign!

“Everypony stay in place for a second…”

“…and I’m inaudible.” Trixie observed, eyes narrowing.

Doctor: Lucky them.

Not that anypony could see her look of consternation, apparently, but at least she knew she was making it as she trotted over to Carrot Top, who was nearest. “Except I can hear me. I can’t see me, though. That doesn’t make a lot of sense.” Trixie extended a hoof and poked Carrot Top’s neck.

“Gah!” The earth pony exclaimed, leaping sideways in fright. “Something just touched me!”

Doctor: (Carrot) It was really sweaty and clammy.

“What?” Raindrops asked, joining Ditzy Doo in the air, though looking more like she intended to land with extreme prejudice on something rather than remain in the air for safety. “What was it?”

“I don’t know!”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Hey, I think I saw something moving! Let’s crush it!

Trixie sighed, looking down at the slush in the ground and drawing out a few letters – or trying to. Her hoof just seemed to pass through the slush without being able to interact with it at all – which admittedly made sense, to an extent, since nopony had noted hoof-tracks with no owner being made when she had gone up to Carrot Top.

“But I can touch you guys,” Trixie noted. She tried her telekinesis, and found it similarly unable to affect the slush, but a brush of Carrot Top’s hair was apparently possible – eliciting another surprised shout from her, as despite her telekinesis working, the normal telltale blue effervescence was missing.

Ditzy: The what?

Doctor: The sparkle.

Ditzy: Oh.

Trixie thought a moment, then stamped her hoof – not that it made a sound – when an idea came to her. She took off her hat and cape (also rendered invisible – somehow – Trixie did not understand poison joke’s rules)

Ditzy: It’s probably not much more than ‘Screw with Trixie’.

and threw the latter around Carrot Top’s back, despite her protests, and then setting the former down on top of the earth pony's head.

Ditzy: (Carrot) I’m feeling remarkably unfabulous now for some reason.

Carrot Top froze in place. “it’s on me…” she said in a very quiet, frightened voice. “Whatever it is…it’s on me…my back and my head…”

Doctor: (Carrot) Oh course I would be the first one to die in this!

The other ponies approached cautiously, as Trixie observed, waiting for them to figure things out on their own.

Doctor: (Trixie) Better get comfortable. These dummies might take awhile.

She frowned even as she did, though. “You walked into the poison joke first,” she observed. “Why weren’t you affected first?”

Ditzy: Karma probably.

Lyra had reached Carrot Top first. “Your head?” she asked softly, staring just above Carrot Top. The earth pony nodded slowly.

Ditzy: (Carrot) It’s probably laying its eggs in me!

“Must be earth pony fortitude,” Trixie decided, waving her hoof through the slush again. It was a unique sensation, passing through solid matter, or solid-ish matter, anyway. “Unicorns are more delicate than earth ponies. Raindrops will probably be next, then you.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’m basing this off of nothing with little evidence on how poison joke works, but I was trained by Princess Luna in deductive reasoning. So there is no way I’m wrong.

“Hold real still,” Lyra said, as her horn began glowing. With a shout, she lashed out with telekinesis, grabbing “whatever” it was that had perched on top of Carrot Top’s head. As her golden aura wrapped around it, it outlined the general shape of Trixie’s hat.

“There,” Trixie said happily. “See? Just my – ”

“It was trying to eat my head!” Carrot Top exclaimed as she backed away. “Look at the size of its mouth! Gah! And something’s still on my back!”

Doctor: (Carrot) I don’t want to die! I’ll still haven’t lived! I haven’t even kissed a boy yet!

Ditzy: (Lyra) What? Really?

Doctor: (Carrot) Nevermind about that! Save me!

Trixie’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. They swiftly widened, however, when Lyra threw her hat down onto the slush, and Raindrops landed on it with all four hooves, stomping several times. “You idiots!”

Doctor: Isn’t it enduring how quickly Trixie is to verbally abuse anyone she gets annoyed at?

The normally blue, currently transparent unicorn exclaimed, stomping up to Raindrops. “Leave my hat alone!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) It has a wife and foals!

Raindrops paused in her stomping, hefting the hat upwards with one hoof – still grasped in Lyra’s telekinesis – and regarding the shape and feel of it. “I don’t think it’s a monster,” Raindrops observed. “I think it’s a hat.”

Doctor: (Lyra) And an ugly one too! We should burn it on principle.

Carrot Top paused. She had been wrestling with Trixie’s cape, Ditzy Doo and Cheerilee having grasped its ends in their mouths and pulling at it as well. Trixie wasn’t as concerned for the cape, as it bore several fortifying enhancements that made it far sturdier than its plain cloth would suggest –

Doctor: So tough we had a lion try to tear it apart. Not even a scratch. Trixie’s capes. Tough as steel, soft as a feather.

but her hat did not have such protection. Worst of all, she couldn’t even see the damage.

Ditzy: Come on. Surely you have a closet full of these things.

“A hat?” Carrot Top asked, then paused as she shifted a little, feeling the invisible thing on her. “And…this feels kind of like cloth...wet cloth, but that’s probably the slush…”

Doctor: (Carrot) It smells nasty. Does she ever wash this thing? Who knows what I just got from it!

“Thank you for that, by the way,” Trixie said, sighing as she stuck a hoof up her hat and began waving it around. The other ponies all started at the sight of Lyra’s aura moving of its own accord.

“Ith Twikthie!” Cheerilee exclaimed suddenly, though she still had a mouthful of cape. She spat it out and tried again. “It’s Trixie! She’s invisible!”

Lyra frowned at that, extending her telekinesis. Sure enough, her aura spreading around Trixie outlined the general shape of a unicorn, as Trixie set her hat on top of her head, ignoring the fact that it was now wet. Somehow. Despite her not being able to interact with the slush.

Poison joke didn’t make sense.

Doctor: It probably works on the ‘Because it’s funny’ rule.

She waved at Lyra as she grasped her cape on Carrot Top’s back and retrieved it, ignoring its wetness as well.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Eww, Carrot Top is really sweaty!

What she got in return for the wave, however, was a series of annoyed stares. “This isn’t funny, Trixie,” Cheerilee observed.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Well, no. It was funny seeing Carrot Top freak out like that.

“I’m not doing it on purpose!” Trixie exclaimed, throwing her forehooves in the air.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Though tormenting Carrot Top was great fun.

She jabbed a hoof at Raindrops, then Carrot Top, then herself, and proceeded to repeat the process.

Ditzy: (Lyra) I don’t get it.

“Oh!” Carrot Top exclaimed. “The poison joke!”

“Thank you!”

Doctor: (Trixie) It took you three minutes to figure that out!

“It can turn somepony invisible?” Ditzy Doo asked.

“It can do just about anything, it’s magic.” Carrot Top explained.

Doctor: Maybe it can ignore the normal rules of magical transmutation and can alter someone’s morphogenetic field however it wants.

“Like I’ve said, it plays a joke on you, takes something you love and twists it.”

Ditzy: That makes sense. Trixie is such a raging egomaniac that the best joke is to make her unnoticeable.

“Oh, I get it!” Cheerilee said. “So I guess…it’s because Trixie always wants to be flashy and noticed, so the poison joke turned her invisible and silent!”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I like it! It’s quiet and peaceful now. And we aren’t constantly being verbally abused by her.

Trixie made a mental note to make sure to later inform Cheerilee that she had been glaring at her after that comment.

All: (Gasp)

Doctor: The horror! The horror!

Ditzy: Don’t! I don’t know if her heart can take it!

“Probably,” Carrot Top confirmed. “It probably affected Trixie first since she’s a unicorn. Unicorns on average don’t have the same kind of toughness as pegasi or earth ponies

Ditzy: (Carrot) Knowing Trixie. She probably completely ignored her constitution stat to boost her other stats so it’s probably 3 or 4.

– no offense, Lyra.”

Doctor: Yeah, like that makes casual racism better.

“And Trixie,” Trixie appended.

“None taken,” Lyra said simultaneously.

“So Raindrops, you’ll probably be – ”

Poomf.

There was an explosion of green from Carrot Top’s mane and tail.

All: Wah wah wahhhhhhhh!

Ditzy: Oh no! That’s not a good look for Carrot Top at all!

The two of them almost instantly tripled in size,

Doctor: Supersize me Poison Joke.

at least, and changed color from orange to a dark green,

Ditzy: Ick, it’s not even a good green.

shooting out from her head and dock like streamers. Even after the initial explosion of length, they continued to visibly grow, albeit at a much slower rate.

Doctor: On the plus side, there is plenty of hair to sell for wigs now.

Carrot Top had frozen in place again, eyes wide – probably, anyway, as her eyes were now covered by a mass of green. She looked behind her as well. “M…my mane!” she exclaimed. “My tail!” she tried to flick her tail, but sheer mass meant that she got nothing more than a vague twitch.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Think of the split ends!

The other ponies rushed over to her, the golden aura around Trixie disappearing as she joined them, despite not being visible.

Doctor: Forget about Trixie, this is the real crisis here!

“Are you okay?” Ditzy Doo asked, eyes wide and mostly coming into focus as she examined Carrot Top’s mane, holding it up in her hooves The longest strands were an easy six feet long at this point. “It’s still growing!”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Anypony have a buzzsaw?

“Where’s it coming from?” Raindrops asked.

“Magic,” Trixie said, then face-hoofed when she remembered her predicament. Fortunately, Lyra said as much a moment later.

Doctor: Magic, the perfect way to say ‘We don’t need to explain anything’ or have any rules.

Carrot Top had closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down. “I’ve always been proud of my mane,” she stated. “So that’s how the poison joke got me.”

Doctor: Sure she spends most of her life in abject poverty, but she still takes great care of her mane and tail.

Ditzy: Oh, so that is why she has nothing in her house. She spends all her free income on hair products.

“Still growing,” Trixie observed, hefting up a mass of it with one hoof – eliciting a slight jump from Carrot Top. “Maybe an inch every ten seconds…”

Doctor: (Carrot) Do that one more time and I’m going to kick you Trixie.

Carrot Top stared more-or-less at Trixie. “Do you think you could keep Trixie highlighted, Lyra?” she asked. “I’m…I don’t need constant scares.”

Ditzy: But it’s so much fun!

“Not really,” Lyra observed. “I mean, I could, but then Trixie wouldn’t be able to walk around on her own.

Ditzy: Like a big girl. We’re so proud!

I doubt she wants that.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Anypony have some paint?

Ditzy Doo trotted over to where she guessed Trixie was, extending a hoof cautiously.

Doctor: Right into Trixie’s nose unfortunately.

Trixie tapped it back, and Ditzy used that as a guide to get beside Trixie and extend one wing over her back. “There,” she said. “She’s here.”

“Thanks,” Trixie and Carrot Top said simultaneously

Doctor: Now Carrot ‘deer in headlights’ Top won’t be easily startled by her again.

Raindrops tapped a hoof on the ground. “So I’m guessing it’s really just random,” she said, as she, Cheerilee, and Lyra helped Carrot Top get her still-growing mane out of her eyes. “But I’m next either way.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) It won’t take me alive!

“We need to focus, though,” Cheerilee said,

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) This whole fic has gone off track at least six times now!

as Carrot Top looked morosely at her mane. “The Elements of Harmony. Trixie ran off looking for them. Are they here?”

“Yes,” Trixie responded, before sighing at her own forgetfulness.

Doctor: She was used to being the center of attention.

She gently extended her telekinesis around Ditzy Doo’s head and neck and made the pegasus nod. Surprisingly, Ditzy didn’t resist – apparently she’d anticipated that Trixie would need to do that exact thing.

Ditzy: Why are you so surprised? Come on. I’m not Carrot Top that constantly forgets you’re in the room.

“She’s making me nod my head,” Ditzy said. “So that’s a yes – ”

Poomf.

Everypony blinked at the sound, and turned to look upwards, except for Raindrops. The jasmine-coated pegasus, having grown to be more than thirty feet tall, looked down instead at the other five ponies.

Ditzy: Raindrops is Ant-Pony. Or, eh, Yellowjacket. Or, Giant-Pony. Or, whatever he’s calling himself now.

She blinked a few times. “And now we know,” she boomed,

All: And knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!

everypony else covering their ears at the sound of her voice, which had dropped several octaves and was loud enough to be felt as much as it was heard. “Sorry,” she whispered after a moment, as she backed away from them gingerly –

Doctor: Accidentally breaking a wall behind her.

her hoof-steps shaking the ground slightly – and sat down as best she could in what had suddenly become a somewhat narrow space for her.

Ditzy: And giving herself a horrible leg cramp.

“You okay?” Carrot Top asked, brushing her still-growing mane out of her eyes. It was now at least eight feet long, and her tail was even longer.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Bleh, it’s hard not to accidentally eat my mane.

“Fine,” Raindrops whispered, though her size meant that it was still as loud as a normal-sized pony’s regular speaking voice.

Doctor: And yet had a very appealing bass voice.

She looked between each of them.

“Why are you a giant now?” Cheerilee asked.

Ditzy: And why is that a bad thing? I think being that big would be awesome!

“Insecurities about being a big, clumsy oaf when flying, probably,” Raindrops observed.

Doctor: (Raindrops) Roofs, walls, windows, you name it and I’ve crashed through it.

“Either that or insecurities about my anger problem and the possibility that I might hurt somepony when I’m being a big, stupid ball of fury.”

Ditzy: Look fic. You don’t really need to explain all of this. You could easily just imply it and that would probably work better.

“You have an anger problem?” Lyra asked. “But you seem…calm.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) Are you kidding? I almost beat Trixie to death yesterday over that stunt she pulled.

Ditzy: She’s surprisingly open about her personal problems.

“Oh, she has them,” Trixie confirmed, vividly remembering the events of – stars above, had it really only been yesterday afternoon? It seemed like forever…

All: Tell us about it.

Trixie stifled a yawn, then realized that nopony could really see her anyway so there wasn't much point.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Hey! This means I can pick my nose and nopony will notice!

Raindrops also nodded in confirmation to Lyra's question. “I’ve got a lid on it. Mostly.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) Have 12 accounts of assault and battery on my record, but I’m handling it.

She looked to Cheerilee. “Anyway. You were saying?”

The earth pony blinked a few times at how well Raindrops was taking her new size,

Ditzy: Why would it be a big deal? And, hey, it’s better than having a super growing mane and being invisible.

then shook her head and looked back to Ditzy Doo, or rather Ditzy’s left, where Trixie was still under the pegasus’ wing. “So the Elements are here,” she said. “Where?”

Trixie pointed at the obsidian statue, paused, slapped her face with her hoof, and then grasped Ditzy’s hoof and made the pegasus point.

Ditzy: I’m an invisible interpreter pony now! I wonder if it pays well.

The other ponies all looked at the statue, Lyra’s horn beginning to glow as she examined the statue. “I…don’t feel anything,” she said.

Raindrops groaned. “They’re fake?” she demanded, forgetting to whisper.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Thanks a lot Trixie! Guiding us here and risking our lives for nothing!

Lyra shook her head quickly lest she anger Raindrops the Titan.

Ditzy: Attack on Raindrops.

Doctor: (Lyra) Please don’t kill us! I’m sure we can find the Elements elsewhere!

“No. I don’t feel anything. Magic is supposed to be everywhere and in everything. Even when I was overchanneled I still had a bit left in me and always would…but looking at that statue, it’s almost like all the magic has been stripped away from it.” She shivered slightly. “I didn’t know that was possible. I was happier not knowing that was possible.”

Doctor: From then on Lyra suffered PTSD flashbacks and nightmares.

Ditzy: Gee, what would happen if she entered a world with no magic at all?

Trixie nudged Ditzy Doo slightly, and the two began trotting forward, up to the statue, stopping within a few feet of it. Trixie reached out telekinetically and began yanking on one of the orbs. It came free surprisingly easily –

Ditzy: Eat that Princess Luna!

when it reached Trixie, it was completely smooth stone, except for an arcane mark carved into its surface.

Ditzy: (Carrot) A ‘like me’ button?

The spot where the obsidian spike should have been impaling it had simply disappeared “Kindness,” she stated, handing the orb off to Ditzy Doo.

Doctor: Subtle.

The other ponies, sans Raindrops and with Carrot Top now lugging an easy twelve feet of mane and tail, crowded around, looking at it.

“That’s…Kindness, I think?” Cheerilee remarked, with Lyra nodding. “Lyra, Trixie, do you think you could get the other four down?”

It took only a few seconds for the two unicorns to take down the five orbs, setting them down in a pile that the ponies quickly surrounded, looking over. “Generosity,” Lyra said, pointing to the one in front of Carrot Top,

All: Get it! Get it!

then began counting them off “Honesty, Laughter, Kindness, and Loyalty,” she finished with the one in front of her. “At least that’s what they told us in Canterlot.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Of course it could just be Night Court manipulation and lies.

“We’re missing one,” Cheerilee noted. “The sixth Element.”

“Which one was that?” Carrot Top asked.

Doctor: Carbon.

Cheerilee, Lyra, and Trixie all shrugged. “It’s a mystery,” Cheerilee explained. “Nopony knows. And whenever anypony asked Princess Luna, the rumors say that she just smiles.”

Doctor: Oh that little minx.

“It’s not a rumor,” Trixie said. “Luna loves being mysterious. It’s annoying.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Personally I think she does it to appear smarter and more cunning than she actually is.

Ditzy: Hey! Just like you Doctor!

Doctor: (Glares)

Nopony heard her, of course. Instead, Cheerilee began trotting around the statue. “I don’t see the sixth Element…”

“It’s not here,” Trixie said. “It wasn’t last time, either. When I asked Luna where it…why am I bothering?”

Ditzy: It’s okay Trixie. Ponies barely listen to you anyway.

“Did somepony steal it?” Raindrops asked, as she squinted and leaned forward, looking closely at the nearest Element to her, Honesty.

Doctor: They’re really banging us over the head with this. You're not going to keep this secret until the big reveal?

Ditzy: Yeah, only two of them have had a test so far!

Trixie once again grasped Ditzy Doo’s head, though this time she made it shake. “Trixie says no,” Ditzy Doo answered.

“So where is it?” Lyra asked. After a moment, she realized her mistake. “Right, yes or no questions…is it nearby?”

“Maybe?” Trixie asked, sighing. She tried to conjure up an illusion of words with her horn, but like her telekinetic aura, it was invisible, and nor could she conjure ghost sounds.

Ditzy: Aww, not even the Grudge death rattle?

“Just write in the slush already,” Lyra insisted.

“You’re being added to my list of ‘ponies I’m going to glare at later,’” Trixie responded.

Ditzy: Trixie, you couldn’t scare a panicky rabbit away.

She shook Ditzy Doo’s head.

“I don’t think she can,” the pegasus said, as her head shook. “She’d probably have thought of that already if she could.”

Doctor:(Lyra) Oh, so she isn’t as dim as I thought she was.

“I like you the most, Ditzy Doo,” Trixie said

Ditzy: (Trixie) When I rise in the Night Court, I’ll give you at least a country.

as she got out from under her wing,then put a hoof to her shoulder and used the point of it to trace out a letter on Ditzy’s coat.She continued doing this a few times, until Ditzy Doo put the idea together.

Doctor: (Ditzy) I might have picked up sooner if she didn’t use the letter ‘I’.

“Okay,” Ditzy said. “Hang on, Trixie’s going to write on my coat…sort of. I get the idea, Trixie, just go slowly.”

“It’s my first time too…” Trixie said under her breath, chuckling a little,

Ditzy: That isn’t suggestive in any way.

as she began to ‘write.’

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Suck it Lyra? Hey!

“Nopony…knows,” Ditzy read. “Luna…didn’t…tell…me. Just…gave…stupid…riddle.”

Doctor: (Luna) What’s in my pocket?

“What was it?” Cheerilee asked.

“Said…it…was…right…beside…me.”

The ponies all thought about that one. “That?” Raindrops asked, extending a massive hoof and pointing at the statue. “The statue itself?”

“No,” Ditzy responded as Trixie ‘wrote.’ “That…was…behind…me…”

“Oh!” Cheerilee exclaimed. “Magic! Like your cutie mark? Get it? Because it’s beside you?”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “No,” she had Ditzy say. “That’s…on…me…not…beside…me.”

Ditzy: Oh, I get it. Air! Wait, that doesn’t really answer anything...

Cheerilee deflated somewhat. “Oh…” she said. “Right…”

“Maybe it was Princess Luna?” Ditzy guessed, then ‘read’ out her response. “No, she says Luna was in front of her.” The pegasus paused. “And that she hates Luna right now.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Somehow I think I would have been happier as a homeless stage magician on the streets.

“Gotta admit I’m not too fond of her right now either,” Raindrops whispered.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) She’s worst princess for sure.

“Saving the world shouldn’t be this hard. The steps shouldn’t be something like journeying through a deadly forest to a ruined castle past death traps

Doctor: Which have not put you in any danger whatsoever.

in order to retrieve ancient artifacts and then figure out how to use them. It should be something simple. Like ‘push this button.’”

Doctor: And now where is the fun in that? The hair raising danger makes it exciting!

“Trixie agrees,” Ditzy said as Trixie made her nod her head,

Doctor: (Trixie) Thinking is hard! Why can’t the world just save itself.

then ‘read’ as Trixie wrote. “Trixie says she’s tired.”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Just have an energy drink and get over it! We have a world to save!

Cheerilee sighed at that. “She’s got a point. We need to rest.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) That way Lyra can have all her spells back..

We’ve all been up too long and aren’t thinking straight.

Ditzy: (Trixie tired) Get the princess and banish the Elements!

We should just take the Elements and hide them somewhere…”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Anypony have a train station locker we could use?

Trixie sighed. “Can’t move them, remember?” she asked as she hefted one at random – the Element of Generosity – and threw it. After about thirty feet, it hit some kind of barrier and bounced back.

Ditzy: Right into Trixie’s face.

Trixie caught it as it did, and set it down in front of Carrot Top.

Doctor: Oh, so that is why Luna couldn’t just take them. Why didn’t you say so earlier?

“I think Trixie just showed us that we can’t take them from here,” Lyra observed. She sighed. “And we still don’t know who set off all those traps…”

Ditzy: Yeah, if it was Corona, who was it?

Doctor: You are going to explain this right?

“We’ll rest while we can,” Cheerilee said. “Corona will be tied up for days dealing with Canterlot and all the other cities and towns in Equestria, we have time.

Doctor: Funny, you didn’t think that earlier. You’ve been rushing like you’ve had a short time limit with no time to spare.

Two of us will stay awake, the rest of us should sleep for a few hours, then those two can rest.”

Doctor: Any particular reason we need two people to stand watch?

“I’ll stay awake,” Raindrops volunteered, as she blushed slightly – and a look of embarrassment was the last thing anypony had ever expected to see on her face. “I, um…snore. Given how big I am right now…”

“And me,” Ditzy Doo volunteered. “I’m used to not getting a lot of sleep.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I often spend all night playing Ponycraft.

“Okay,” Cheerilee confirmed, as she trotted forward. “Let’s see if we can’t save the world once we’ve got clearer heads…”

Ditzy: Wait, what is stopping them from drowning in Carrot Top’s hair?

Celestia alighted atop a tall ridge that overlooked the Palace, about a half-mile away from it.

Ditzy: (Corona) Hey I can see thy house from here! Heh, a little joke there.

Truly, the place had seen better days – far, far better days.

Doctor: (Corona) When was the last time anypony mowed the lawn? It’s completely unruly!

To see the once proud structure fallen into disrepair and ruin, fighting a losing battle against the encroaching vegetation of the Everfree Forest, nearly broke her heart.

Ditzy: (Corona) Not my magnolias!

Perhaps, once Canterlot was dealt with, she would rebuild the Palace, and make her capital. Yes, it would be in the midst of the Everfree forest, but for all its peculiarities, the Everfree was still made of leaves and wood, which would burn as easily as in any other forest. It would be a small matter for the rightful Queen of Equestria to shape the Everfree to her desires…

Ditzy: (Corona) I demand an amusement park! And it must have a Merry-go-round!

Doctor: Wait, so you aren’t going to have the center of your government surrounded by deadly forest like last time? Why is the insane alicorn making more sense?

Ah, but she was getting ahead of herself. Glancing over her shoulder, she set down her hostages, surrounding them in fire once more, albeit this time it was as much for their protection against the savage monsters of the Everfree as to keep them contained.

Doctor: And it gave them plenty of opportunity to make s'mores.

Having done thus, she turned around once more to the palace, or intended to, but her intention was instead drawn to a more interesting sight much closer – just at the bottom of the ridge she stood upon, in fact. Approaching her was a zebra, wearing a brown cloak, though as the zebra approached she threw off the cloak, revealing, emblazoned on her flank, a cutie mark of a spiral surrounded by outward-pointing triangles – a sun.

All: (Gasp in horror)

Ditzy: No wonder she's a monster!

Doctor: And because of it, she was obviously born to be evil!

The zebra – Zecora, Celestia supposed – knelt when she had drawn close enough, head pressed to the ground.

It took a considerably amount of effort on Celestia’s part, despite how un-Queenlike it would have been, to stop herself from exclaiming Finally! at the sight.

Ditzy: So she settled on a ‘Yippy!’ instead.

“Queen Corona, it gladdens me to set my eyes upon your majesty!” The zebra exclaimed whole-heartedly, as she looked up.

Doctor: And Corona got uncomfortable when the zebra started fluttering her eyes at her.

That ruined Celestia’s good mood, though only a little. “Thy respect is genuine enough,” Corona announced, “but thou shalt not address me by that name. Corona is a false title invented by my treacherous sister to assuage her own guilt over her betrayal. I am Celestia.”

Doctor: A very valid accusation against her sister.

Ditzy: Yeah, if Princess Celestia didn’t make up that name, where did it come from?

“As you wish it to be. I shall follow your decree.”

Doctor: Great, now she has to repaint all those ‘Hail Corona! Queen of the Equestria!’ signs she made.

Celestia noted with some further dissatisfaction that Zecora seemed to have the same poor grasp of Equestrian that everypony did these days.

Doctor: The public education system gets worse and worse every year.

Celestia was no stranger to the evolution of languages – she herself did not know precisely how old she was,

Doctor:That way she could always pretend to be a young mare.

as neither she nor Luna had bothered to keep track of the first few millennia of their existences –

Ditzy: It thankfully made making birthday cakes easier.

but Equestrian had reached a certain nobility a thousand years ago, a nobility which had fallen far by the wayside in the intervening years of her imprisonment, it seemed.

Dissatisfied or no, however, this zebra’s intentions were pure enough, and Celestia had far more pressing concerns right now.

Ditzy: What they would call their cool new villain team up group. She was thinking the ‘Celestia’s Blazers’.

She looked up from Zecora, to the ruined palace. “They have arrived?”

“It is so, my Queen,” Zecora said apologetically. “In the palace they convene. I would have stopped them before, but my skills are not those of war. I beg forgiveness of your majesty.”

Ditzy: She is the worst bad guy. Not only did she accidently save thousands of lives, led the good guys to the exact weapon they needed to beat her mistress, and completely failed in stopping them from getting said weapon.

“What skills dost thou possess then, Zecora?” Celestia asked, surprised that the zebra had not rhymed the last thing she had said. Had that peculiar zebra quirk also begun to fall by the wayside?

Ditzy: Either that or the author is slipping.

“My queen, I am blessed with the gift of prophecy.”

Doctor: (Zecora) I run a psychic hotline for all those seeking a comforting commodity.

Ah, there it is, Celestia noted, as one eyebrow raised. Aloud, she continued. “Prophecy?” she inquired. “Certainly thou couldst have taken greater steps to prevent any from challenging my right to rule with such a gift.”

Ditzy: Anotherthing she’s terrible at.

The zebra bowed her head. “Forgive me, your highness, for being unable. But for some time the future has been unstable. Your return has been all I could see with my gift of prophecy.

Doctor: She’s a bit of a one trick zebra.

I do have other talents, brewing potions and rituals I can run – I used the last to aid your escape from the sun.”

Ditzy: (Blinks) Really? I find that hard to believe.

Doctor: Please tell me you are going explain this. That’s fascinating.

Ditzy: Don’t hold your breath Doctor.

Celestia had been looking again to the ruins of the palace, but froze slightly as she heard Zecora finish speaking, and looked down at the zebra. “What?” she demanded. “Thou…thou believeth that I required thine aid to free myself?”

Ditzy: (Zecora) Y-yes?

Zecora blinked. “The possibility of your return has been known to me for some time,” she said cautiously, “and so we journeyed to the site of your sister’s crime…using ancient testaments, I worked magic over the Elements, created a storm of great power at the appropriate hour – ”

“Silence!” Celestia exclaimed,

Doctor: Oh come on!

as she leapt down from the ridge and landed evenly in front of the zebra. “I required naught from thee! My escape was under my own power! The Elements are strong, but I am the Sun! Thou didst nothing!”

Ditzy: (Corona) My alicorn over 9000 leet haxness is what freed me!

“H…hey! Leave Z alone!”

Celestia had been glaring down at the zebra - to the mortal’s credit, she didn’t flee from the wrathful alicorn – but at the sound of the small voice from several dozen feet away, she looked up. Charging towards her was a small, green-and-purple creature. He stumbled, however, when her gaze fell upon him, and looked terrified when a white aura wrapped around him and dragged him before Celestia.

Doctor: (Spike) I immediately regret doing this!

“What have we here?” Celestia asked as she held the creature in place, leaning down. “A little dragon? And thou knows this zebra?” The alicorn looked to Zecora. “Thy familiar?”

Ditzy: (Sighs) No! Spike isn’t a familiar, a pet, slave, servant, or anything like that!

Zecora eyed the baby dragon, who was now looking like he had seriously reconsidered his suicidal charge.

Doctor: (Zecora) Sorry my dear old friend of mine, but you are on your own this time.

Celestia, however, only laughed as she leaned back, releasing the dragon from her grip. “Misplaced courage seems to have grown in abundance in mine absence,” she observed.

Ditzy: (Corona) I expect thy subjects to wet thyselves with a glare.

“Stupidity as well, but with my sister in charge for a thousand years, this is hardly surprising.

All: Zing!

What is thy name, little dragon?”

The dragon stared, eyes wide. “Spike,” he said.

Ditzy: (Spike) The princess is recognizing me! This is the best day of my life!

Celestia tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. “Spike. A simple name. For that I am grateful – far too many dragons pick names of unnecessary length,

Ditzy: (Corona) Seriously, how does one pronounce Paarthurnax easily?

as though the number of syllables in their names somehow grants them power.”

Doctor: (Corona) Don’t they realize that ‘Ted’ would be just fine?

Celestia turned once more to Zecora. “Thou art in error, my servant. I did not require thy aid. But…what is the saying…’tis the idea that matters.”

Doctor: Yes Zecora, you're a very special Zebra. Here’s a gold star to how just how special you are!

Spike looked for a moment like he wanted to speak, but then thought better of it. Celestia turned, leaping once more onto the ridge and looking back to the palace. She had wasted a significant amount of time dealing with the zebra and the dragon. For all she knew, the treacherous ponies – perhaps prepared by her sister for this very eventuality? – already had the corrupted Elements and were waiting for her even now to strike. Regardless, the Elements would be protecting the Palace from any great works of magic, at least from this distance – she could not simply call down a solar flare and immolate the Palace, no. She would need, instead, to test the waters somehow, something that would be enough to reveal whether or not the ponies already had the Elements but which would not put her in danger.

Ditzy: Just send in a shadow clone?

Not that she was in the least bit afraid. Just…cautious.

Doctor: (Corona) Nope, not afraid whatsoever. Some mortal ponies with the power to trap me again for several millennias and put me in never ending isolation doesn’t worry me at all! I am the sun after all. And it burns brightly, never cowering in a bush. But, that bush does look rather cozy. I think I take a little rest there. I am quite weary now after all.

Celestia’s eyes once more turned to Zecora, and then to Spike. They lingered on him for some time, before she smiled, and her horn began to glow.

Ditzy: Oh come on! Really?! Why can’t it be Zecora?

Doctor: I’m surprised you’re not more angry about Spike being on the bad guys’ side.

Ditzy: Doctor, this whole fic good has been evil and evil has been good. I would have to blind not to see this coming.

Doctor: Anyone else find it a little uncomfortable that anyone in this that isn’t a pony is either evil or on the bad guy’s side?

Ditzy: Super uncomfortable. I bet you’re like the Master in this universe. Or worse!

Doctor: (Sighs) Probably.

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 16

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Part 4

Trixie’s special talent was magic in general, but her chosen specialty was illusion spells – spells that created ghost sounds or false sensations, or which manipulated light and shadow to create fake images or impressions.

Ditzy: So shut up about her not being as good as Twilight Sparkle.

Of the numerous tricks she had both learned and developed herself, her favorite was, by far, the light-bending glamor that allowed her to turn invisible,

Doctor: And that certainly isn’t creepy in any way. Nope.

followed closely by its companion spell that negated the sound of her hoof-steps. It was just so useful to not be seen or heard by anypony, and therefore become privy to things she probably shouldn’t of been.

Ditzy: No wonder she’s so skittish about sex.

Doctor: One of Princess Luna’s biggest lessons is the importance of blackmail.

Trixie used her invisibility glamor more often than any other spell she knew by far, and so had been sure that she knew just about everything about being invisible.

Doctor: She was writing a book about it. ‘Turning Invisible and Invading the Privacy of Everypony You Know’.

As it turned out, she was wrong, as she had overlooked something significant,

Ditzy: That floral soap gives you away every time.

yet obvious in hindsight: while invisible, her eyelids were transparent. This was not particularly conducive to achieving sleep, especially during Corona’s perpetual midday. Ordinarily, if it was too bright out, she would have simply pulled her hat down over her eyes, but she was beginning to understand why (if not how) the poison joke had rendered that and her cape invisible as well. Thus, no matter how exhausted she was, sleep was simply not coming.

“Stupid poison joke!” Trixie proclaimed loudly. Nopony could hear her anyway, so she didn’t feel a need to keep quiet.

Ditzy: Even an R rated film will be skittish about show the things Trixie just said.

She turned her attention to Carrot Top. “And stupid you! Raindrops had wings, you idiot! This is your fault! And mine! Because I followed you! Because I’m an idiot too! A bigger one! And Lyra! If you hadn’t overchanneled I wouldn’t be in the situation either! And none of you should have followed me in here! Corona shouldn’t of escaped! Luna should have been able to kick her flank! She was useless! Morons! Idiots! Foals! All of us! We’re all idiots!” Trixie paused, breathing in and out deeply a few times.

Ditzy: Somepony call the wahmbulance.

“…wow that was cathartic.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Image how much more therapedic it would be if I said that to their faces.

Carrot Top let out a slight sigh.

Ditzy: (Carrot) It’s so nice not having to hear Trixie’s never ending whining.

She had managed to fall asleep, somehow, possibly because she had an excellent blanket in the form of a mane and tail that had finally stopped growing at around twenty feet in length, give or take a yard. Trixie had considered

Doctor: Kicking the pony for actually being able to fall asleep.

burying herself under the other pony’s hair, but several things stopped her.

Ditzy: Because even for her that’s creepy.

Firstly, the thought of sleeping wrapped in a blanket made from another pony’s hair was more than a little creepy, especially one she barely knew. Secondly, Trixie was fairly certain covering her eyes in a hair-blanket would be uncomfortable.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Hey! I use hair softener every night thank you very much! It would softer than a pillow!

But the third, and probably the overriding reason, was that doing so would require getting out from underneath Ditzy Doo’s wing.

Ditzy: And I’m just so comfy!

Despite the pegasus’ comment about being used to long hours, she had fallen asleep while sitting next to Trixie.

Doctor: And I can tell you from experience that she’ll sleep anywhere.

Raindrops had noticed, but hadn’t done or said anything about it. Trixie had almost moved, when Ditzy had muttered a name in her sleep – Dinky Doo’s.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) You’ve been a bad girl! You're grounded for a week! Go to your room!

Trixie could be a terrifically cruel pony at times,

Ditzy: She enjoyed kicking kittens and baby seals.

but even she couldn’t bring herself to wake Ditzy Doo from whatever dream she was in with her daughter.

Ditzy: Actually I was having a dream about fighting ninjas, but the thought is nice.

Doctor: And that shows why Trixie is the hero. She didn’t do something cruel for once.

It was good to escape from reality sometimes, even if only for a little while.

Doctor: (Trixie) Time to fantasize about myself being the god empress of the universe.

“Of course, that’s basically what I’ve done,” Trixie observed. “Escaped from reality.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s time to admit that my perfect spouse Tristanisn’t real and never will be.

I am a reality expatriate.

Doctor: Really getting some mileage out of that thesaurus this time I see.

Good on me. Or really, it’s more like I was shoved from reality by the poison joke. Which is a stupid flower. Hate it. Hate, hate, hate, hate…”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate you!

Ditzy Doo shifted a little, her wing’s grip tightening on Trixie for a moment. Trixie did her best not to flinch as she sighed, laying her head down on her hooves, eyes looking around the plaza as she examined it out of mind-numbing boredom.

Ditzy: She studied a particularly interesting crack in the floor.

Ordinarily, if forced to sit in one place for a time, she would have been practicing her illusions, amusing herself in one way or another with them,

Doctor: She created images of the ponies she didn’t like and did horrible and cruel things to them.

but the poison joke had rendered even her magic invisible. All she could do was sit and wait for sheer exhaustion to force her asleep. Sit and wait…sit and wait…sit…wait…sit…wait…

…sit…wait…

...yeah, this isn’t happening, Trixie thought.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I know! I’ll just play some Farmville on my phone! Which is also invisible...

“Here me now, O thou bleak and unbearable world!” Trixie sang idly, trying to keep herself amused somehow. “Thou art base and debauched as can be…and a knight with his banner so bravely unfurled, now hurls down his gauntlet to thee! I am Don Rocinante, hero of Equestria, destroyer of evil and I…I am an awful singer.” Trixie laughed at her own interruption, looking to Lyra. “Right? Gah, stars, that’s right, you can’t hear me…”

Doctor: We can unfortunately.

Lyra, like Trixie, had not been able to find sleep. She was sitting in a back-breaking position again, leaning against a wall with her harp (lyre, whatever) in hoof and gently plucking out a slow, sad melody. Lyra’s eyes were closed, and she looked like she had totally lost herself in whatever she was playing, some tears in her eyes. It was obvious that she was thinking about BonBon.

“Ugh,” Trixie objected, looking to Cheerilee’s sleeping form. “Well, it was a good idea while it lasted, Cheerilee.” The magenta pony had been doing a good job of keeping all their minds on anything other than Corona,

Ditzy: And the horrible, painful death that would came with it.

but the admittedly necessary sleep was giving Ditzy Doo and Lyra all the time they needed to focus on their losses.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Ok, the Dow is down 241 points, but thankfully Micron is up 30 points!

Trixie looked down, tapping her hooves on the plaza beneath her. Not that it made any sound. The slush had been cleared away, too, to give them someplace to sleep; Trixie’s telekinesis was still unable to affect it. Trixie tried to come up with a plausible explanation for why she couldn’t touch or affect slush but could touch and affect other ponies and the Elements of Harmony, but the best she could conjure up was “because magic.”

Doctor: I see those years of tutorage under Princess Luna have not been wasted.

“Bored,” Trixie stated. “Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored…”

Doctor: Don’t say that your character is bored. It only reminds the audience how boredthey are.

From somewhere in the Everfree, there was a roar.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia almighty!

Doctor: I was starting to get worried that something might not actually happen and that most of Trixie’s dialog would just be her using the same words over and over again.

“What was that?” Carrot Top asked, even as she struggled to get out from under her own hair. It was not an easy task.

Doctor: (Carrot) This is it! Game over! There is no way I can escape like this!

“I don’t know,” Raindrops whispered, as she cautiously stood, careful not to step on anypony. The roar came a second time, this time followed by a crashing sound in the far distance, like trees being shoved out of the way. A sound which was getting louder – or closer.

“Um,” Raindrops said, not bothering to keep her voice down as she got up on her hind legs, affording her a better view of the direction the sound was coming from, roughly in the direction of the castle’s tower. Her eyes widened when she saw whatever it was. “Hide. Hide now.”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) I’ll just go behind a pillar. Easy

The other five ponies – well, four, certainly, but Raindrops assumed that Trixie was smart enough to follow suit – did so by running back into the former Court, Cheerilee and an invisible Trixie helping Carrot Top with her mane and tail, Lyra grabbing the Elements with telekinesis and dragging them as far back as they would go, and Ditzy Doo instead taking to the air, looking in the same direction Raindrops was as soon as she was a good fifty feet up or so.

“Is…is that Spike – ” Ditzy began, when the crashing sound stopped as the sound of displaced air reached their ears. Whatever was coming had leapt into the air, and moments later it came crashing down inside of the courtyard, hunched over at first, but quickly rearing to a full forty-foot

All: Hoof.

height and letting out a roar that was felt more than it was heard.

Ditzy: (Spike) Hey guys! I’m here to help! There is no way I’m going to serve a jerk like Corona!

A dragon, mostly purple, with a pale underbelly and a long series of green, wickedly sharp spines running from the top of its head down along its spine, and across the top of a long, whip-like tail that ensured that the dragon was at least twice as long as it was tall. It also, further, sported a pair of large, bat-like wings, covered in purple scales and with a translucent green membrane between its fingers.

Doctor: And they were upside down for some reason. Spike insisted they made him look cool.

“Spike?” Ditzy Doo asked.

Ditzy: Wait a minute. Spike didn’t look a thing like that during his greed rampage!

Doctor: True, he didn’t even have wings if I remember right.

The dragon turned its gaze to her and let loose another bellow, then charged forward, at Raindrops.

Ditzy: Alright! Now we can have a Kaiju fight between Spike and Raindrops!

The giant pegasus reared up and lashed out with her hooves. Neither hoof connected, but the dragon did stop its assault and creep backwards, affording the giant pegasus new respect even as it growled in anger.

Doctor: (Spike) You’re pretty cool Raindrops. We should hang out after this.

“How are you looking at that and thinking ‘Spike?’” Raindrops demanded as she felt back onto all fours,

Doctor: (Raindrops) I’m thinking ‘potato’.

beating her wings a few times as she adopted a fighting stance –

Doctor: It was one she got out of an anime she watched last week. It has completely impractical, but Raindrop thought it made her look cool.

wings out, three hooves on the ground, but her right front hoof raised and ready to strike.

“Ssspike?” The dragon hissed, as it too adopted a four-legged posture and began drawing in a deep breath. Both Ditzy Doo and Raindrops started at the sibilant, deep, yet somehow familiar tone to its voice even as the back of the dragon’s throat began to glow a sickly green, licks of flame escaping from between the its tightly clenched teeth. “Ssspike…hungry! Ssspike mad!”

Ditzy: (Spike) Ssspike Incredible Hulk now!

The dragon exhaled a gout of green fire.

Ditzy: Alright! Atomic Breath time!

Raindrops leapt upwards instinctively, spreading her wings and beating them frantically, sending gusts of air downwards. Apparently, cruel though poison joke could be, it hadn’t robbed her of her ability to fly.

Doctor: Unfortunately, they couldn’t support her new weight or the increased level of gravity pressed against her body so she quickly fell back to the ground.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t done much for her speed or agility, either, and a portion of Spike’s flames caught the tip of her tail, singing it.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Rip his throat out! How dare he do that to your beautiful tail!

The dragon leapt into the air as soon as it had finished exhaling, grasping Raindrops by a back leg and throwing her down to the plaza below. The pegasus landed on her shoulder without breaking anything, getting up just as her foe landed nearby, mouth once more glowing green.

“Ssspike burn, and sssmash, and eat!” The dragon proclaimed.

Doctor: (Spike) Ssspike will tenderize before serving you!

That didn’t work out quite as well as it had the first time, however. Raindrops leapt right at it, bringing her right hoof down on the top of its muzzle. The dragon’s jaw snapped shut – making it bite off maybe six inches of its long tongue as it did so – and it staggered under the blow, then began coughing and belching green-tinted smoke as the fire it had been preparing was forcefully quenched.

Ditzy: What is Spike an it now? Ugh, this fic refuses to show him any respect.

It was too preoccupied to notice Raindrops raise her hoof a second time, this time striking the dragon’s back, where its two shoulders met. It collapsed to the plaza floor with a loud roar of rage, claws scrabbling in the slush and tiled stone as it scurried backwards from Raindrops, or tried to – Raindrops followed its every step, hooves coming down as she tried to step on the beast, which suddenly seemed considerably less eager to dine upon pony flambé. Its back was quickly against a wall, however, and on realizing this, its expression changed from concerned to terrified.

“Wait!” Ditzy Doo called, as she flew near Raindrops. “That is Spike!

Ditzy: (Raindrops) You’re point?

Raindrops stopped her stomping advance, resuming the pose she had struck earlier. “And he was trying to eat us,” she noted, eyes never leaving the dragon, though they did narrow as she regarded it. “Which, by the way: why?”

Ditzy: Ssspike think you go good with honey mustard.

The dragon didn’t answer as it remained pressed against the wall, wings held high in defense, eyes darting between Raindrops and Ditzy Doo, looking at the latter hungrily but the former with a considerable amount of fear.

“He’s not in his right mind,” Ditzy Doo noted. “Maybe…maybe that poison joke stuff? We need to find Zecora.”

“Ten bits says he ate her,” Raindrops said,

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Meh, who cares. I thought her rhyming was annoying anyway.

as she noticed movement from the corner of her eye. The others were coming out from where they had taken cover, slowly, making sure to stay close to the wall and well out of the way of Spike an Raindrops. “How can you even tell that’s Spike?”

Doctor: (Flat) He just said his name four times a few moments ago.

“I just can,” Ditzy explained, though not helpfully, as she alighted atop Raindrops’ head and stared at Spike. “Spike. What happened?”

The dragon was breathing heavily. “Hungry…mad…” it hissed, teeth still clenched. Its head whipped around to Raindrops. “Hung – !” it shouted as it lunged at Raindrops again.

Doctor: Dragons can’t resist the delicious taste of Raindrops legs. Now with only 2% fat!

Once more, it received a hoof square to its jaw, sending it reeling backwards and into the courtyard’s wall. The stress proved too much for the ancient structure, and it crumbled under his impact, sending the dragon sprawling under collapsing stone and mortar.

“You’re good at that,” Lyra noted from the back wall.

Doctor: (Lyra) Look at all the blood! You got him good!

“Iron hoof martial arts,” Raindrops explained.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) I’m a level 15 monk.

“The discipline helps when I get really angry. Which is sort of happening right now.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) I enjoy using my skills to take out my frustrations out on others!

Ditzy Doo took to the air once more, staring down at the dragon as it lay in the rubble, breathing heavily and blinking rapidly, before its eyes rolled back and it began to glow with the same sickly green glow its fire had possessed. The glow obscured its features, but began to shrink and compress, and after several moments there was no longer a massive, winged, hungry-looking purple wyrm, but instead a tiny green-and-purple baby dragon, groaning in pain.

Ditzy: Boo! That’s it?! What kind of Kaiju battle is that? They could have at least destroyed half of the castle!

“Okay, what?” Cheerilee asked, as the ponies, sans Raindrops, picked their way over the debris – Carrot Top having a harder time than most thanks to her hair getting caught in just about everything,

Ditzy: And ponies accidently stepping on it.

but she seemed determined to not be left behind – and towards Spike just as the baby dragon slipped into unconsciousness. A few tentative pokes from Ditzy Doo got no real response from him.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Hide the body! There is no way I’m going to get a murder rap for this!

“Somepony please explain to me what the hay just happened!” Raindrops exclaimed, almost stomping her hoof in frustration before she managed to stop herself, as it might have brought the entire Palace ruins crashing down. “Is this normal for dragons or what?”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) I get it! This must be dragon puberty!

“I don’t think – ” Carrot Top began.

There was an explosion in the sky, a blast of heat and light that shoved the ponies who were standing to the ground, covering their ears with their forelegs and shouting in fright at the sudden sound. Even Raindrops was forced to the ground.

Ditzy: But if it was that powerful, shouldn't it of killed everypony?

Then – wings. The sound of large wings beating steadily.

Then all was black.

Ditzy: The End.

Doctor: That was an unexpected twist.

Ditzy: I like it though. The good guys can’t always win.

Ditzy: Awwww….

Doctor: Oh well.

Consciousness was a thing that had to be grabbed with teeth and telekinesis and dragged, kicking and screaming, back to Trixie.

Ditzy: Considering how much Trixie likes to drink, this isn’t an odd occurrence for her.

She awoke only slowly, to the too-bright sight of fire and a glaring sun overhead that penetrated her invisible eyelids with impunity, not to mention a white aura wrapped firmly around her being that glowed of its own accord, keeping her pressed to the now-dry ground and outlined for all to see.

Ditzy: In a very silly pose.

Hearing was the next thing to return. She heard the cackling of flames, yes, but over that, she heard the whimpers and sobs of frightened foals, and the hushed assurances of other ponies, trying to keep them calm. Trixie couldn’t move her head thanks to the aura, but her eyes were her own still. Glancing around, she saw – beyond the flames that surrounded her in a wide circle – a second fiery prison, far larger than her own and holding dozens of ponies in place.

Above even those sounds, however, Trixie heard a voice.

“I do not understand this foreign mindset that grips you,” Corona said.

Doctor: (Corona) This Japanophile as it is called.

Looking around with just her eyes, Trixie saw her five companions, each trapped in circles of flame and held in place by a white aura of their own,

Ditzy: Overkill much.

though they at least were standing. Even Raindrops was held in place with no additional effort on Corona’s part, while Carrot Top’s mane and tail had been wrapped around her in a way that might have been funny, were they in any other situation.

Ditzy: Nah, it was still funny.

The Tyrant Sun was facing them, wings spread wide, with the obsidian statue and the five orbs that contained the Elements of Harmony behind her.

Doctor:Trailer shot.

“Were my intentions not clear?” Corona asked, as she folded her wings against her body and began to pace back and forth in front of the ponies. “Was I not precise? Did I not tell you the exact consequence for actions such as this?” She swept a hoof at the Elements. “Do you not care for your friends and loved ones?

“You admit to having no true plan,” Corona continued,

Doctor: Pfft. Plans are overrated.

“yet you would defy me anyway! And I tell you now, the Elements would not have worked for creatures as you. You are mere ponies. It takes alicorn magic to direct the Elements, even in the inert, corrupted state that Luna left them in.”

Ditzy: (Corona) Yep, and I bet a hundred bits on this!

Corona looked between the five of them like they were children being scolded.

Doctor: (Corona) Now go into the corner and think of what thy have done!

Raindrops was managing to meet her glare head-on, while Cheerilee and Carrot Top were trying desperately to look away, though all they could move were their eyes. Lyra and Ditzy Doo, meanwhile, were alternating between watching Corona, and looking into the crowd of captured ponies. Trixie couldn’t see BonBon or Dinky Doo, but she knew they were in there – somewhere.

Ditzy: Come on! Why hasn’t Bon-Bon done anything yet? She’s trained for situations like this.

“And thou,” Corona intoned, looking to Trixie, apparently perfectly aware of Trixie being awake and, more to the point, having no apparent difficulty seeing her.

Ditzy: Somehow.

Doctor: Won’t it have been more interesting if she did overlook Trixie?

Trixie was lifted up and stood like a doll or figurine,

Doctor: Now with kung-fu action and 10 different voice clips!

her muscles straining against the aura that gripped her and yet unable to move. “Thou, whom I entrusted with the governance of that settlement. Yet you waited not a moment before turning against thy Queen.

Doctor: (Corona) Do not expect a favorable reference at thy next job!

I revise my opinion of thee yet again. Thou art not brave. Thou art not even a coward, nor an opportunist. Thou art simply stupid.” She leaned in close to Trixie. “Stupidity has a price. A very, very dear price.”

Ditzy: 10 bits with tax.

Trixie blinked a few times. “It…” she began, surprised Corona was letting her speak, surprised even more when the alicorn’s head turned slightly, indicating that the Tyrant Sun heard her. “It was my idea. It was all my idea. Don’t – ”

“Silence!” Corona commanded,

Ditzy: Um, how can she hear Trixie too?

Doctor: She’s an Alicorn.

Ditzy: But…

Doctor: She’s an Alicorn. That explains everything.

making a sweeping gesture with one wing as her horn flared.

Ditzy: And made her head explode. The End.

“I will believe no more of thy lies.

Doctor: What do you expect? She’s a politician.

Even if thou were telling the truth it would matter not. Thy idea it may have been, but they endorsed it. It is fortunate indeed that I yet have allies in Equestria or I might have been unaware of thy treachery.”

“Allies?” Trixie echoed, eyes wide, before narrowing. “Zecora.”

Doctor: I am going to give this story the benefit of the doubt and say that it is not saying something about Zebras.

Ditzy: Or that it might be suggesting that Twilight and her friends were wrong for ever trusting her. Because if circumstances were slightly different, everypony was right to hate and fear her.

“Indeed,” Corona observed with a smile as she drew back, looking to the side and turning Trixie’s head as she did. Sitting – no, kneeling, in obeisance – to the Tyrant Sun was the zebra, cloak still removed.

Ditzy: So does Zecora not care at all that her best friend not only got turned into a horrible monster but got hurt as well?

Somehow, Trixie was able to take note of the fact that on her flank was a stylized sun cutie mark. She had lied about not having one, it seemed, though that hardly came as much of a surprise.

Doctor: (Trixie) So that’s why she lied about her cutie mark. There is no way we would accept anyone with a disgusting cutie mark like that!

But why? That was still the question. What pony – what anything – would be insane enough to support Corona?

Doctor: (Sighs) You would be surprised. You can always find someone to follow your insane cause.

Corona continued to glare at them all like they were children who had been caught with their hooves in the cookie jar.

Ditzy: So she is going to send them to their room without desert!

At length, she shook her head. “I have much to do,” she said. “I can waste no more time on traitors whilst Canterlot yet defies me.”

Doctor: (Corona) But I am going to spend ten minutes monologuing about it instead of actually doing something.

She turned her back on the six ponies, instead facing her captives. “Yet behold that I am merciful! Far from here, Ponyville sits peaceful and orderly, as I commanded. ‘Tis only these six who defy my orders. And so my wrath shall fall solely upon them!”

Ditzy: (Corona) You all shall be tickled for 24 hours!

The captive ponies seemed anything but grateful for Corona’s ‘mercy,’ but the white alicorn didn’t take any notice of it as she turned back around. “First,” she proclaimed, looking to the obsidian statue and the Elements. “I shall deal with far older traitors than you.”

Ditzy: Hey! Leave Cheerilee alone!

She raised one hoof, and slammed it into the ground, even as her horn glowed. The impact sent a reverberation through the ground as strong as any earthquake, as well as a cracking sound like thunder. In front of the ponies’ eyes, the obsidian statue – and the stone that were the Elements of Harmony – shattered. There was a brief flare of magic from each, but then nothing.

Doctor: It also, unfortunately, caused a piece of ceiling to come loose killing Corona instantly. The End.

Trixie felt another thing shatter, as well – hope. All of it, everywhere, but most especially inside of her.

Ditzy: She felt especially dead inside today.

“Whatever dark magic my sister used on the Elements,” Corona proclaimed as she used a hoof to brush them aside, “rendered them corrupt and base. They were gone long ago, only these black echoes had remained. But I do not need them, for I am Celestia! I am the Sun!”

Doctor: If you are going to constantly monologue, at least have the decency of doing an evil laugh.

Ditzy: Yes, we get it. You’ve said that like six times now.

Corona chuckled slightly as she looked up, eyes focusing on Trixie. The blue unicorn was aware of the white aura that had surrounded her leaving her body, and the flames around her dying down. In fact, the same had happened for all of her companions. After all…

…what could they do?

Run? What was the point? Corona didn’t even seem to notice that Trixie was invisible.

Ditzy: That can’t be right. It can’t work like that.

Doctor: Alicorn.

Ditzy: Oh right.

Beg? For what reason would Corona be convinced to spare them?

Ditzy: Trixie makes a mean taco?

Fight? Against a being that had tossed Luna aside like she was a rag doll?

Trixie stared at the plaza beneath her, tears in her eyes, real tears, the first she had cried in stars knew how long.

Doctor: At least since she saw the last Pixar movie.

She had failed. She had failed in everything,

Ditzy: But by now that fact was an old friend to her.

and she’d managed to take these five ponies with her in the process. This was it. Everything was over. Luna was gone. Canterlot would fall to Corona’s flames. The Elements were destroyed. The Tyrant Sun would reign forever over all of Equestria.

Doctor: Laying it on a little thick I see.

Trixie looked to the five ponies she’d doomed. Three of them – Cheerilee, Carrot Top, even Raindrops – had looks on their faces that had to mirror Trixie’s own, maybe even surpass hers.

Ditzy: (Carrot) I’ve wasted my whole life on a dead end farm that was never going to succeed.

Ditzy Doo and Lyra, meanwhile, were both focused on the ponies that Corona held captive – on Dinky Doo and BonBon, most likely, seeing them where Trixie couldn’t, trying to ensure that the last sight they held was that of their loved ones.

Doctor: (Pony) Thank Luna! It’s because of Trixie we’re in this mess!

Ditzy: (Pony) You suck Trixie!

Corona wouldn’t even give them that as she approached, spreading her wings wide, blocking their view, as her blank eyes looked to each of them. Her eyes settled on Cheerilee. “Thou shalt go first – ”

“It’s you shall, you throwback.”

For a few moments, silence, rather than Corona, reigned over Equestria. Corona’s eyes were surprisingly wide, and everypony – even Cheerilee herself – seemed to need a moment to comprehend what the magenta pony, the schoolteacher, had just said.

Doctor: Magenta ponies never speak out like that! Seriously though, why are you pointing attention to Cheerilee’s coat color?

“I beg thy miniscule pardon?” Corona demanded.

“You!” Cheerilee shouted, eyes wide as she stepped forward. “It’s you! Nopony has used thou or thee or thy for hundreds of years! And it’s shall, no matter the subject! I don’t care – ”

“Cheerilee,” Lyra interrupted the earth pony’s tirade, or tried to. It didn’t work.

Doctor: If you’re going to die, why not mouth off?

“ – if you’ve been locked up in the sun for a thousand years, you said Luna will be able to watch Equestria so I only assume that you could too, how could you not know how to speak Equestrian?”

Doctor: (Corona) I’m speaking that right now. Do thee think this is Prench?

Corona’s eyes narrowed as she seemed to take a surprising amount of offence from a being that she considered so far beneath her. “My command of the tongue far surpasses thy own mangled – ”

Ditzy: (Corona) Seriously, have you seen how the street ponies talk. A pony can barely comprehend what is being said.

Cheerilee laughed. After a moment – after realizing what Cheerilee was laughing at – Raindrops and Carrot Top both joined in. Corona only stared uncomprehendingly.

Doctor: (Corona) What is this thing called laughter?

“You are hysterical,” she noted of the three of them.

“Command of the tongue…” Cheerilee echoed, leaning forward towards Corona. She licked her lips. “Well, Lyra says I’m out of practice, maybe you could show me some of your command…”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) Can you do Limit Breaks?

Corona’s eyes fluttered rapidly at that for a moment as realization of how Cheerilee and the other two were interpreting her words hit her, and she recoiled. It was a very interesting sight, seeing the Tyrant Sun blushing in embarrassment and utterly flabbergasted. “I – thou – thou dare?”

Doctor: I don’t get it.

Ditzy: I...think it get, but that was a quite a stretch there.

“Yeah, I do!” Cheerilee proclaimed. She set her hooves as though prepared to take the brunt of a charge. Tears still stained her eyes, but they were narrowed and challenging. “I’m dead anyway. So why not? I’m going to die laughing and I’m going to die making everypony else laugh at how ridiculous you are – ”

All: (Cheer)

Doctor: That a girl.

Ditzy: Personally, I think death is preferable to Corona’s constant bragging and monologuing.

For the second time in far too recent memory, there was an explosion,

Ditzy: What Cheerilee did was so awesome, it made Corona explode!

though this one far smaller than whatever one had occurred on Corona’s arrival, centered on a number of the shards that Corona had shattered the Elements into. They took on a light blue glow and shot off of the ground, arcing towards and beginning to orbit around Cheerilee’s neck.

Ditzy: Wow, Cheerilee’s sassiness saved the day!

“What?” The white alicorn demanded as she retreated several more steps at the sight. “What black sorcery is this?”

Cheerilee stared at the stones orbiting her neck, seemingly unsure herself and blinking away her tears. “I think…” she said, then giggled slightly in amazement. “I think I’m the Element of Laughter now…”

Ditzy: But, she didn’t make me even smile this entire story.

Doctor: Or sing a jolly song.

“What?” Trixie demanded. She ignored the fact that nopony could hear her – it still had to be said. “Why?”

Doctor: (Trixie) It should be going to Ditzy!

Lyra wiped her own tears away from her eyes as she looked at her second-oldest friend. “The Elements made the world,” the unicorn noted as she stood, and cautiously approached her friend.

All: They did?

Ditzy: What the hay are you talking about?

“They’re not a bunch of rocks, you can’t destroy them!”

“But why Cheerilee?” Carrot Top asked. “Because she said she was the Element of Laughter?”

Cheerilee shook her head. “Not because of that,” she said. “Because I made ponies laugh.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I’m an amateur stand up comedian on the side.

I made Raindrops and Carrot Top laugh right when it mattered most, when everything looked doomed.”

“Or earlier in the forest,” Ditzy Doo said. Both her eyes were focused on Cheerilee. “That school activity you made us do. You made us laugh to forget our troubles.”

Doctor: Even though it was awkward and not particularly funny.

“It matters not!” Corona proclaimed, stomping her hoof as her horn glowed. A bolt of hot, white light lashed towards Cheerilee, or tried to. Lyra saw it and leapt in the way, closing her eyes and preparing for the end...and finding herself pleasantly disappointed when instead, she landed evenly on her hooves, neck now orbited by another collection of shattered stones, Corona’s beam of death having been harmlessly deflected away into the sky.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Booo!

Doctor: (Lyra) I wanted to die a fiery death!

The shards were glowing red.

“What – ” Trixie began.

Lyra interrupted her, albeit without realizing she was doing so. “Loyalty,” she stated, as though it were both obvious fact and a great revelation. “The Element of Loyalty. Because…because of the forest. Because I wouldn’t let the sirens get any of you,

Ditzy: (Lyra) And Trixie.

no matter what. Even if it killed me.”

Doctor: And she did go on this quest in a desperate attempt to save Bon-Bon. That might count too.

One by one, the remaining shards of the shattered elements picked themselves off of the ground, levitating and glowing and forming a barrier between Corona and the six ponies, but not moving further. Corona’s head was whipping around as she looked between each of them, eyes wide as she tried desperately to understand what was going on.

Ditzy: So she went to Yahoo Answers to find out.

She wasn’t the only one. Trixie stomped a hoof. “But why?” she asked, even if nopony could hear her. “Why now?”

Lyra and Cheerilee looked to Raindrops, who looked down at them. “I don’t get it,” she stated.

“Like I said,” Lyra explained, “the Elements can’t be destroyed. They made the world.

Doctor: (Lyra) They are the rock gods of our universe!

Not even Corona can destroy them.”

“That is not my name!” Corona shouted from behind the barrier the Elements’ shards had created, as she glared upwards.

Ditzy: It’s a little weird that nopony calls her Celestia. I have no idea why everypony insists on calling her Corona. It isn’t like she’s a separate entity or something.

The sun flared brightly, and a jet of flame and plasma shot down from it, towards the ponies. The shards glowed, however, and the flare splashed against a multi-hued shield without effect, hundreds of feet before reaching them.

Doctor: Right now I would read between the lines and run for the hills.

Ditzy: But Corona isn’t very smart, so she isn’t going to do that.

All that reached them was a wind, although it was admittedly a strong one – strong enough to blow Trixie’s hat from her head.

Doctor: After all, it would be awkward of the crown to appear while Trixie still had her hat.

“The Elements aren’t something physical,” Cheerilee said, “but they do need containers.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) They think tin foil is a waste of money.

Those containers were always those rocks…but I guess they don’t have to be. They can be ponies, too.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Trixie shouted, not caring that nopony could hear her. “There’s more magic in one Element than in Corona and Luna combined! They’d kill any normal pony!” Trixie blinked a few times even as she said that, looking between Cheerilee and Lyra and how they seemed very much alive and unharmed. “…right?”

Doctor: I see Trixie has a hard time accepting anything that’s beyond anything she currently understand of things and spends no time speculating how it might work. I can see why Princess Luna took her on as a student.

A series of shards separated from the wall they had created, and began orbiting around Carrot Top, taking up a purple glow, which spread throughout Carrot Top’s body. Her hair changed color, back to its normal orange, and both her mane and tail began to shrink back down to their normal length. Her eyes widened at the sight. “Generosity!” she exclaimed. “I…how do I know that?”

Doctor: (Carrot) I get it now. My whole life is a lie! I'm just a fanfic character that only has a part because the author liked my look! Otherwise I'm a nobody. Nothing I have done in my life matters because I'm not even real. My hopes,dreams, life mean nothing!

“Because what else would you get?” Lyra asked. “You walked through poison joke for me!”

Ditzy: Wait, couldn't that count as Loyaltytoo?

“Anypony else notice a pattern here?” Cheerilee said with a smile, looking to the ponies. “I think the Elements want us as the new containers. Us. We’ve all earned them.

Doctor: Hmm. I don’t know about that.

Ditzy: I actually think they were given to you out of pity more than anything else.

Trying to get here, trying to get them to get rid of Corona, we want to protect the world they created.”

Doctor: And they want this story over with already.

“The Elements aren’t alive,” Trixie objected. To her own ears, though, she sounded far from sure.

Ditzy: (Trixie) They don’t even poop or have foals!

“In that case,” Raindrops observed, even as shards took up an orbit around her neck and began shrinking her down to normal size, glowing yellow-orange as they did, “Honesty. That’s the one I want. That’s the one I am.”

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Ha! I’m calling dibs on Honesty and nopony can stop me!

She had reached her normal size, and she offered something of a smile as she checked her hooves and looked over her normal-size body again. “But I think I earned it before the Everfree, when we were in Carrot Top’s house. When I convinced all of us to go on this. Stay honest with ourselves, what we knew we had to do, whether or not we wanted to.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) I am the only reason we have a plot to begin with!

“Sounds about right,” Carrot Top said.

Ditzy: But anypony could do that though.The Doctor and I do that kind of stuff all the time.

Ditzy Doo blinked a few times, even as the last series of shards – green – began to twirl around her throat. “Oh, no,” she said, shaking her head. “No, no, no. Not Kindness. I don’t deserve – ”

“Shut up, yes you do,” Raindrops said as she came up to her fellow pegasus, rubbing a hoof on her head.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) No really. Just check my basement! I’ve made scarves and party hats out of ponies!

“And don’t try to call me wrong. Apparently I’m a reliable source.” She jerked a hoof at her shard satellites.

Ditzy: Well, she does seem like the only nice person in this entire story.

“But – ”

“You stopped Raindrops from pounding in Spike’s face,” Carrot Top noted. “You had no reason to do that.”

Doctor: (Carrot) I would’ve left him to die!

“He…he wasn’t himself, it wouldn’t of been right – ”

“And,” Lyra said, “let’s be honest, you’re the only one who’s been able to consistantly put up with Trixie despite her being a gigantic jerk.”

Ditzy: True.

Doctor: I find it a miracle you haven’t mouthed off to her yet.

“Hey!” Trixie objected.

“She’s not a jerk,” Ditzy Doo pointed out. “She was just stressed. And she hasn’t been a jerk at all since we came into the Everfree!”

Doctor: That is not true at all.

Ditzy: Look, just because a pony is stressed, doesn't mean they get a free pass on being a jerk!

“See?” Cheerilee said, smiling. “And I happen to have it on good authority from a student of mine that you are the hardest-working, best mother in the world.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Though my source might be a bit bias.

Ditzy Doo blinked, looking down at the shards. “I…yeah. Kindness. Okay. I can get behind that, I guess…”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I wanted the Element of Generosity!

Trixie looked between the five other ponies standing beside her, all of whom were glowing slightly, surrounded by an effervescent aura of energy. It occurred to Trixie, idly, that Corona had been lashing out at them the whole time, with fire, with lightning, with tremendous magical power. None of it got through, or even came close to getting through, the multicolored barrier that the Elements had created between the six of them and the Tyrant Sun. But…

“But…but it doesn’t matter!” Trixie objected, even as Corona stopped throwing magic, glaring and breathing heavily – actually winded. Trixie looked to Corona, who stared back at her. “It doesn’t matter…we still don’t have the sixth Element.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I have pencils. Does that help?

Corona paused at that – then began chuckling. “Thou art correct…” she intoned, then laughed aloud. “She is right! I have nothing to fear from this light show! I know not what dark magics you have worked over the former Elements, but you don’t have them all! The Element of Magic isn’t here! I have but to wait for this parlor trick to run its course, and then – then I shall have you all at my mercy!”

Ditzy: (Corona) Neener neener neener!

Trixie paused.

She stared.

Doctor: Is it possible for someone to be this genre blind?

Her mouth hung open for several moments before words made their way out. “The…Element of Magic?” she asked.

Doctor: (Corona) Doh! Forget I said that!

Corona glared at her. “Yes, foal. Know thee not the list of the Elements?”

“Who are you talking to?” Ditzy Doo asked, then realized. “Oh! Trixie! We forgot her!”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I knew it was too quiet in here!

Doctor: I like how they didn’t even need Trixie at all to find their friendship.

Ditzy: She really stinks at being the Element of Magic.

Her eyes swept over the courtyard. “Where is she?”

“Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty…and Magic?” Trixie asked incredulously.

Doctor: I also really like how Trixie didn’t even figure out the last Element on her own too. She needed someone else to help her.

“Of course,” Corona proclaimed, leaning towards Trixie. “All the other Elements are useless without Magic. It is power. Who but the powerful can afford to be caring or giving?

Doctor: I think you have that backward Corona.

Who but the powerful can expect sincerity or faithfulness from those they surround themselves by? Who but the powerful can waste their days in comfort and joy?”

Ditzy: Who but the powerful can skip out of paying taxes despite making millions.

Trixie felt a hoof hit her head, a little harder than its owner, Cheerilee, probably intended. “Ah, found her,” she said. The rest of the ponies, who had been reaching out blindly, stopped and stared at Cheerilee as she wrapped her left hoof around what must have, to them, looked like nothing. “Trixie, like I said…there seems to be a kind of pattern here.”

Doctor: Come on Trixie, you can do it! I’m sure you can at least figure out one thing by yourself.

“By which she means,” Lyra said, coming up along Trixie’s right, “that we’re pretty sure we’re all supposed to have an Element. Maybe it’s our destiny or something.”

“Or maybe it’s just random chance,” Ditzy Doo said with a shrug,

Ditzy: What, random change that six ponies that just happen to match the exact traits needed to use the Elements of Harmony would come here?

as she placed herself in front of Trixie for a moment, staring into where she must have guessed Trixie’s eyes were.

Doctor: Awkwardly it was Trixie’s rear.

“Doesn’t really matter.” With that, she went and stood to Lyra’s right.

“What does matter is that you pony up,” Raindrops said as she tapped Trixie on the head a few times, then sitting down on Cheerilee’s right side. “Come on. Corona just figured everything out for you.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) You idiot.

It’s the Element of Magic.”

Doctor: Don’t worry Trixie. The grownups are here to make sure your don't hurt yourself trying to figure this out.

“Oh!” Carrot Top said after a moment. She also got in front of Trixie, looking her in where she supposed her eyes were, a broad grin on her features. “And I just noticed something. Remember Princess Luna’s 'stupid' riddle?” With that, she trotted over and stood to Ditzy Doo’s right, though she kept her eyes focused on the empty space that Trixie occupied. “Take a look beside you.”

Trixie blinked a few times at that, doing so. To her left was Lyra, Ditzy Doo, and Carrot Top. To her left, Raindrops and Cheerilee. Beside her.

Beside her.

“The sixth Element is Magic,” Trixie reasoned aloud, closing her eyes. To her surprise, it actually worked; that was, she managed to block out her view of the world.

Ditzy: A bitter, hate filled one.

Opening her eyes again, she saw that she had, somehow, become visible again. Maybe due to the close proximity of the other Elements. In fact…yes, that was definitely it. That was a clue, she knew.

Ditzy: Come on. You can do it!

“The sixth Element is Magic,” Trixie repeated. “And…and it’s right beside me. You’re all right beside me.”

“A regular genius, you,” Raindrops noted, though she was grinning slightly.

Doctor: (Claps) Congratulations Trixie!

Ditzy: I’m so proud!

“So, what?” Trixie asked, looking to her left and her right, trying to puzzle things through. She’d lived with Luna for ten years, she should have been better than this at puzzles.

Doctor: (Trixie) I knew I should have played more Professor Layton games.

“Ponies are magic? Mares are magic? The Elements are magic? What?”

“Friendship is magic?” Cheerilee suggested.

Doctor: Nope, nevermind. She has to be told the answer again.

Ditzy: Wow, this is just painful.

“Stop ignoring me!” Corona shouted. “I am thy Queen! I am the Sun! Give me the respect I am due!”

Ditzy: (Corona) I’m starting to feel really lonely right now and need somepony’s attention.

Trixie ignored her. “You’re not my friends,” she objected. “You all hate me.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) Oh, right. I guess you aren't the Element of Magic after all.

Cheerilee laughed. “Trixie, we don’t hate you. So you can be a jerk. So what? So can everypony. But we wouldn’t even be here without you.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I still find you the most obnoxious pony I have ever met though.

“You made my muffin smile,” Dinky Doo pointed out. “That makes you a friend in my book.”

Ditzy: You have really low standards. Like super low.

“You also walked through poison joke for me,” Lyra pointed out.

“You helped my farm,” Carrot Top added.

Doctor: (Carrot) Ha! I think she’s buying it! That tax extension is mine for sure!

“And…well, your heart was in the right place with the weather-for-hire team,” Raindrops admitted. “So…yeah. Friends?”

“Friends,” the other four ponies agreed.

Trixie’s eyes were wide. “Friends,” she echoed softly.

“Good,” Cheerilee said. “Now could you hurry up and figure out how to get the Element of Magic already so that – ”

There was a bright, lavender flash from above Trixie,

Ditzy: Twilight Sparkle?! Oh course! Now we have the true bearer of the Element of Magic!

and an orb of that same color appeared in front of her head. Trixie stared into it. Somehow, it stared back. And Trixie got the distinct impression that it liked what it saw.

Doctor: Except for the outfit. Even a being without the concept of fashion found it tacky.

“Already did,” Trixie observed, as the orb and the stones surrounding each other pony flashed and coalesced around them. In the case of the others – of Trixie’s friends – they became gilt necklaces, emblazoned with arcane designs and each holding a gem of a different color, that took the shape of their cutie marks. In Trixie’s case, the orb of light instead became a tiara that set itself upon her head, glowing with radiant energy.

And Trixie saw…something. Maybe everything.

Ditzy: (Trixie)(Gasps) I know why foals like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

She felt herself, and her friends, being lifted off of the ground by magical force, their bodies glowing painfully bright. Corona backed away at the sight.

Doctor: (Tisks) This is what you get for monologuing.

“No!” The Tyrant Sun exclaimed. “No! This is impossible! You are mortals! You cannot wield the power of the Elements!”

Doctor: (Corona) This is just another one of thy illusion! This doesn’t fool me for a second.

“Anypony could,” Trixie said, as she felt eldritch might gathering around her – but oddly, not within her. In each of her friends, yes…but she, herself, contained nothing. Not yet. That wasn’t Magic’s role in this. “Anypony could have become the Elements.

Doctor: Ok, but why can’t a stallion be one this time around?

Ditzy: Yeah Spike could be one! That would be a cool twist!

You're wrong, Corona. Power isn’t magic. Friendship is magic.”

Corona paused at that. “That,” she proclaimed, “ is the stupidest, most insipid, worthless dross I have ever heard!”

Doctor: (Corona) Did thee get that off a cat poster?

The eldritch energies that had been gathering in the others now left them, and flowed into Trixie.

Ditzy: Plot twist. The Elements of Harmony are actually evil.

Now she felt her body brimming with magic. She could never have gathered it on her own, but that was the point. Now that it was gathered, however, she was the one who aimed it. She pointed a hoof at Corona.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pull my hoof.

The white alicorn stood firm. “Thou shalt not banish me once more to the sun,” she proclaimed slyly. “I have sealed away my treacherous sister. With her gone, and I as well, who will move the heavens?”

“We’ll think of something.”

Ditzy: (Corona) Well, poopy!

Corona’s eyes widened at that. “No!” she exclaimed, as a rainbow-hued beam shot upwards from the ponies and began arching down towards her. She beat her wings, taking to the air frantically and sailing away, but she couldn’t outrun the prismatic force that chased her. It caught up to Corona just as she passed over the tower of the ruined Palace, and she fell down to its roof, the rainbow wrapping around her and assaulting her.

Ditzy: (Corona)(Laughing) Hey! This tickles!

“No!” the Tyrant Sun repeated in defiance as the light grew brighter. “No! I shall not fall to thee! I am Celestia! I am the Sun!”

Doctor: Oh, just lose already.

Ditzy: I don’t think it can happen fast enough. I swear if I have to hear about her being the sun one more time…

Doctor: This is the third time this chapter she’s said that.

Trixie wanted to remark on that – to say something witty – but she couldn’t,

Ditzy: Good. I hate one liners.

as the last of the power that the Elements had gathered chose that moment to leave her body. She gasped at the sudden vacuum of magic within her as she and her friends were lowered to the ground, their descent mercifully gentle, at least until whatever held them up failed and they all collapsed. Trixie had just enough time to hear Lyra groan “not again,” before everything once more plunged into darkness.

Doctor: Unfortunately, Corona was right about mortal ponies and the Elements so it killed them. The End.

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Epilogue 1

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Epilogue 1

The light that spread across Trixie’s prone form and forced her awake was cool, and seemed to spread gradually, more like fog than actual light. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw the Palace ruins around her, lit brilliantly by the full moon’s light –

Moonlight!

Ditzy: Eat that horrible evil sun!

Doctor: To celebrate, Princess Luna let Equestria go an entire month without sunlight!

Trixie was almost instantly on all four hooves,

Ditzy: She started prancing around in the moonlight with glee.

and almost immediately thereafter had fallen back on her side after her body took the time to remind her that she was exhausted,

Ditzy: (Body) If you aren’t drinking yourself into a stupor, you’re working yourself to death! Why can’t you care about my needs for once? When is the last time you’ve had a decent night’s sleep?

Doctor: (Trixie) Shut up body! I do whatever I want!

drained both mentally and magically, and in all ways should not be trying to move as she just did.

Doctor: Now she might not be able to walk right ever again.

The blue unicorn took a few deep breaths to steady herself, then climbed onto her hooves at a more measured pace, casting her gaze upwards. Greeting her vision was a star-studded night sky, with a moon hanging high overhead. The moon looked different, however – emblazoned on it was a new pattern that had never been there before,

Doctor: It had the Wacky Hut logo on it. They were trying a new type of marketing.

a series of dark patches in the shape of a unicorn’s head and horn. Even as Trixie watched, however, the pattern disappeared in a flash.

Doctor: Hmm…. Would it really work like that though? Corona sealed Luna away with a spell and normally it continues even after the caster is dead. Unless this was one that could only work by continuously being feed Corona’s power.

“Huh,” Raindrops said. Trixie looked, and saw her companions – her friends – beginning to pick themselves up as well. “Wonder what that was all – whoa!” Raindrops had to leap backwards as two streaks, one mint green and white and the other pale gray and blonde, whipped past her, nearly bowling her over. As it stood, she was still clipped and sent staggering.

Neither Ditzy Doo nor Lyra seemed to notice as they rushed over to the collapsed foals and older ponies.

Ditzy: (Snorts) Some friends.

Trixie’s heart fluttered at the sight of so many fallen ponies,

Doctor: Hold on. Weren’t they just surrounded by fire? Why did they collapse?

and she rushed forward, her remaining friends following. She doubted that the Elements could have possibly harmed them,

Ditzy: Especially considering it wasn’t evenaimed at them.

but Corona hadn’t seemed particularly cautious with her spell-casting prior to the end…

Ditzy: Some ponies had antlers or a fifth leg.

even as those dark thoughts seeped into her mind, however, they were dispelled, as the merely unconscious foals and mares and stallions began to wake up, completely unharmed.

Doctor: Phew, even though that is meaningless to us considering we have no idea who these characters even are.

Though for two of them, at least, that looked like it may have been only a temporary thing. Lyra had found BonBon just as the mare had gotten her hooves under her, and impacted against her with slightly less speed than an unladen train engine with its furnace burning hotter than the fires of Tartaros, sending the two tumbling

Ditzy: Off a cliff.

and ending with Lyra pinning BonBon to the ground, her lips pressed firmly to her love’s.

Ditzy: You know guys. This would have been the perfect spot to have the two confess their love instead of shoehorning it at the beginning.

Dinky Daisy Doo, meanwhile, once found by her mother, “suffered” a similar fate,

Ditzy: Eww!

Doctor: Ugh, this took a disturbing turn.

scooped up into the pegasus mare’s forelegs and held tightly against Ditzy’s chest,

Doctor: Phew.

Ditzy: Oh, nevermind.

Ditzy showing no signs of ever intending to let her daughter go.

Ditzy: And so Daisy spent the next 20 years living with her mom who refused to let her out of her sight.

Tears were in no short supply, but they were tears of joy, not sorrow.

“Is everypony alright?” Cheerilee asked, as the rest of Trixie’s friends caught up to the group. Cheerilee moved quickly into the mass of foals, most of whom gathered around her familiar face, though several remained with the other adults, the ones “lucky” enough to have had relatives kidnapped by Corona as well.

Ditzy: I don’t know about that. It makes a good story to tell at a bar.

“Is anypony hurt?” As the foals all shook their heads or confirmed that they were alright – though scared –

Doctor: And might need quite a bit of therapy.

Cheerilee looked to Carrot Top and Raindrops, who were amongst the mares and stallions.

Ditzy: Using their hero status as a way to get dates.

“How about them?”

“Fine,” Raindrops announced as the adults all confirmed that they were alright. “Everypony’s okay.”

Trixie let out a sigh of relief at that, though her elation was short-lived as she forced her sleep-deprived mind – being forced to unconsciousness was not the same thing, as it turned out – to press forward.

Doctor: (Trixie) Thanks Elements of Harmony! You can cure poison joke, but not fatigue?

First – she searched the ground near where she had fallen, and found her hat.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia! I was terrified she might have lost it!

It was covered in dirt and hoof-marks, a little frayed, and still somewhat damp, but Trixie ignored this as she removed the tiara she still wore –

Doctor: Yes, get rid of your beautiful all powerful crown for your ugly half-destroyed hat.

all her friends were, in fact, wearing the jewelry that the Elements had manifested as – and put her hat back on her head.

Ditzy: Why the hay is she still wearing that thing? It hardly seems worth it at this point. Can she go a minute without wearing that thing?

Doctor: Hey. She has a style and she’s keeping to it.

After a moment’s consideration, she slipped the tiara on over it, and found to her surprise that the ornament fit rather snugly on her wizard’s hat, almost as though it was designed to be there.

Ditzy: Hint hint. Get it? Get it?

Doctor: Perfect for toy deals.

That important part having been taken care of, Trixie turned her attentions to the next-most important matter.

Ditzy: Taking selfies of her new look?

“Zecora,” she said, trotting forward and looking around. “Spike. Where are they?”

There was a moment’s pause, before Raindrops took to the sky, looking around. “I don’t see them,” she announced after a moment of searching.

“Ponyfeathers,” Trixie cursed. “No use searching for them now – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And with luck they’ve probably been torn apart by the forest’s monsters by now!

She paused as a flash of silver-white light spread across the courtyard. The ponies there all froze, looking in horror towards the flash’s source – the ruined tower of the Palace, the same place that Corona had fallen when the beam from the Elements had finally overtaken her.

Ditzy: That’s lucky.

It was enough to tear Lyra’s eyes away from BonBon’s, and for Ditzy Doo to squeeze her daughter even tighter.

Doctor: At this point Daisy’s eyes were about to pop out of their sockets.

Ditzy: (Daisy) I hope I never get another hug as long as I live.

“No,” Carrot Top whispered. “That’s…no.”

Ditzy: (Carrot) I just want to go back to my horrible despairing boring life!

Trixie swallowed, as she looked to the formerly kidnapped mares and stallions, then to the foals, then to her friends. She grit her teeth. “Come on,” she insisted, setting off at a gallop. The other five followed her quickly, grim determination setting in.

Reaching the tower was easy, climbing it only slightly harder. The stairs were steep, but they were also stone, and had not worn away over time.

Ditzy: That and climbing stairs is horrible in general.

The stairs they climbed brought the six Elements of Harmony inside after their climb. They ended up standing in a wide chamber, its roof having long disappeared over time. At its far end was a pedestal set in front of a shattered stained-glass window.

Doctor: And, in a bit of hamfisted symbolism, it was a picture of Celestia.

Standing just inside the entrance, her back to the Elements, was a pony, taller than most stallions, deep blue in coloration, with an animate mane tail that were like flowing water catching the reflection of the star-filled sky, possessed of both wings and a horn, and with a cutie mark of a black patch of night broken by a white crescent moon –

Ditzy: But Trixie assumed it was just a trick and blasted her with the Elements of Harmony.

“Luna!” Trixie exclaimed, forgetting formal titles.

Doctor: It would be a bit awkward if Trixie cried out, “The Shepherd of the Moon, the Caretaker of the Sun, the Mistress of the Star Beasts, the Sovereign of the Three Tribes, the Ruler of the Land of Equestria…Her Royal Majesty, Princess Luna Equestris!””

Ditzy: How the heck did you remember all of that?

The Princess turned in time to see Trixie rush towards her, though the unicorn skidded to a halt before she could get too close,

Doctor: The Princess looked furious at Trixie’s rude lack of protocol.

as memories of her last conversation with the alicorn came rushing back. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before sound came out,

Ditzy: It was a belch.

and Luna took the time to look at Trixie, then to each of her friends behind her, who had all bowed in respect. “H…hello, princess.”

Luna inclined her head. “Hello, Trixie,” she responded after a moment. To the blue unicorn’s surprise, Luna seemed just as unsure as Trixie herself was as to where this conversation should be going.

Ditzy: Oh just hug already! After what you have been through, who cared about some stupid argument?

After a long bout of silence, Luna looked at the tiara on Trixie’s head. “The Element of Magic,” she noted.

Doctor: (Luna) Huh, I thought you’ld be dead since no mortal could possibly withstand the power of the Elements.

Trixie nodded. “Yes,” she confirmed. “It…it took me a little bit, but I finally figured out what you meant when you said that the sixth element was right beside me.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And all by myself too! Yep! A regular Sherlock Hooves!

Luna grinned slightly, though it was forced. “That’s…good,” she decided.

Trixie scuffed a hoof, glancing around a moment. “So…how did you know?” Trixie asked.

“Know what?” Luna inquired.

“Know about them,” Trixie responded, waving a hoof to her friends. “How did you know that they’d be beside me, five years ago? Did you know that Corona was going to escape? Was this some kind of plan, or something?”

Doctor: (Trixie) My whole life is a giant lie isn’t it?! You’ve been manipulating me since the day my grand-père died just for this moment! Heck, you might have been behind that too just to get to me!

Luna paused, a look of genuine confusion overcoming her features. It was matched, after several seconds, by Trixie’s own expression. “Trixie…” Luna explained, “I meant your cutie mark.”

Doctor: (Luna) Pfft. You thought it was friendship? Has my Night Court not taught you the folly of such things?

“Ha!” A magenta voice exclaimed.

Ditzy: You actually thought the Princess knew what she was doing and had a plan?

Trixie wasn’t certain how a voice could be magenta, but glancing behind her, she saw Cheerilee grinning broadly.

Ditzy: What.

Doctor: That’s just...nevermind. Let’s just move on.

The other five had risen from their bows, looking relieved that the silver-white flash had apparently just been Luna returning from exile on the moon, and not the signal to start another round with Corona.

Ditzy: They were low on HP and still haven’t saved yet.

Trixie turned back to her mentor. “But…” she objected. “But my cutie mark isn’t beside me! It’s on me!”

“On your side,” Luna noted.

“But not beside! This is just like that ‘always moves but never wanders’ riddle – ”

“A tree,” Carrot Top chimed in. She, along with the other ponies, made their way forward, so that they were standing next to Trixie.

Ditzy: Gazoontite

The blue unicorn glared at Carrot Top. “Trees don’t move.”

Ditzy: Groot.

Doctor: Or the Trees of Cheem just to name one.

“Yes they do,” Ditzy Doo explained. “They blow in the wind.”

“That’s doesn’t count as moving!

Doctor: Yes it does. It’s not under their own power, but they are changing position.

And even if it did, it’s not always windy so they don’t always move!”

Ditzy: So? You never said that had to be the case.

“Trixie, I heard that riddle when I was…one? Maybe?” Raindrops asked. "You're over-analzying it."

Doctor: Raindrops was smarter than you before she could even comprehend language.

“Everypony knows the answer,” Lyra added.

“I know it too, it’s just that it’s a stupid answer,” Trixie grumbled.

Ditzy: All right miss smarty pants, what should it be then?

Luna looked between the six of them, a far more genuine smile on her features at the antics of the ponies before her.

Doctor: Trixie making a fool of herself always brought a smile to the princess.

“Congratulations,” she offered, starting to incline her head,

Ditzy: This story is happy end. Thank you.

then pausing as she thought better of it. She instead backed away a few paces, and actually bowed to the six ponies. The sight was enough to leave them speechless.

All: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

“You saved Equestria,” Luna continued. “All of you, working together. More than that, you have earned the Elements of Harmony – No. You are the Elements, now. You restored them from their inert state, a feat even I couldn’t accomplish. And you did this in order to stand against a monster…against the Tyrant Sun, one of the worst enemies Equestria has ever had.”

Ditzy: Really? You guys have it easy! This is nothing compared to, say, the daleks.

Luna lifted herself up from her bow. Her expression had changed, her smile dropping and instead a look of melancholy coming over her features as she turned around, looking down the length of the tower’s room, as she had on first entering. “Now if you will excuse me,” Luna said grimly, “there is somepony that I must talk to.”

Doctor: The tax office about getting Carrot Top that tax extension.

Celestia was in a considerable amount of pain, but she was alive. She was whole. And she was not trapped once more in her sun. As the alicorn forced her eyes to open, finding herself behind a stone pillar, she began laughing, ignoring that it hurt to do so.

“H…ha!” she exclaimed, climbing to her hooves. “N-not…n-not even the Elements can…can s-stop the Sun!”

Ditzy: (Corona) Sun: 1 Elements: 0.

“You are typically the more powerful one,” Luna admitted.

Doctor: (Luna) I knew I should have taken those jazzercising classes.

Celestia’s eyes widened, and she spun around, ignoring the ache in her body as she lashed out with magic, calling down a solar flare that burned her treacherous sister’s body to a crisp –

– or that was what was supposed to happen. Instead, only a few golden sparks escaped her horn, and even that took everything Celestia had.

Ditzy: What? Isn’t she suppose to turn good now?

Doctor: Oh dear, I think I know where this is going.

She nearly fell to her knees from the effort, but she forced herself to remain standing, though with her head drooped. Pink locks of hair fell down over her eyes – her fiery mane was gone. Her eyes would no longer be glowing either, she knew, instead having reverted to reverted to normal-looking ones, with pink irises.

Ditzy: Which was good. She was tired of keeping up the effect to look cool and it made it hard for her to see.

And was it just her, or was Luna taller than she used to be…?

Doctor: Milk. It does a body good.

No – the opposite. She was shorter than Luna, the consequence of having so much magic pulled from her at once. She would still be taller than many stallions – but not all.

Ditzy: She would have a great career in Basketball.

Celestia grit her teeth and flared her wings in challenge. “S-so, sister…” she hissed. “Come…come to finish what the Elements c-could not? The s-sun again? I will escape. I will always escape! Though it take me a thousand years again, or ten thousand, or a hundred thousand! Equestria is still mine, it belongs to me!”

Doctor: (Corona) Taken it isn’t destroyed in a few years by nuclear war.

Luna just looked at her, and a terrible clarity gripped Celestia as she realized what she would do if she were Luna and had just heard Celestia proclaim that. “No!” the white alicorn exclaimed, stumbling backwards, wings beating furiously as she tried to take to the air.

Ditzy: (Corona) Anything but a ten minute monologue!

They lifted her for a moment, but then their strength gave out and she fell once more to the ground. Her hooves scrabbled on the stone floor beneath her as she picked herself up and began running, towards the exit to this ancient palace – and finding her way blocked by the corrupted Elements.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) You shall not pass! (Giggles) I’ve always wanted to say that.

“No!” Celestia proclaimed again, backing away, eyes wide – nearly as wide as their own as the Elements took in her changed appearance, her mundane mane and tail, her shrunken form.

Ditzy: Awww. She’s so cute now!

Looking away, looking once more for somewhere to run, she saw her sister coming out from behind the pillar Celestia had been at moments ago, the same look on her face.

Celestia grit her teeth, trying to call upon her magic. Sparks once more flew from her horn even as she backed away from the steadily advancing Luna. “No! Thou cannot!” she exclaimed. “I am the Sun!

Ditzy: Gah! Do you ever ever shut up?! And all you say is the same freaking things over and over again! I really thought you would be cool being Celestia and all, but you are nothing but a spoiled foal with delusions of grandeur!

Doctor: (Sighs and shakes head)

I am thy Queen! Thy elder! Thou has no right to judge me!

Doctor: (Corona) You’re not our mom!

Equestria is mine! Mine to do with as I please – ”

Doctor: And now she is throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler. So much for going out with dignity.

Ditzy: If she even had that to begin with.

“Celestia,” Luna tried.

“– as is everypony in it!” Celestia continued,

Doctor: (Corona) Except mimes, thou can keep those.

as she tried once more to call on magic. She was certain her mane and tail ignited even for the barest moment,

Doctor: And screamed in pain. She did her best to stop, drop, and roll.

as she continued to back away from Luna. “The ponies are like gnats! They need protection! A strong hoof – ”

Doctor: What a great trait for a leader, treating her subjects like they’re mere insects and thinking only she knows best.

Ditzy: It’s like the author is going out of his way to make Corona seem completely both uninteresting and unsympathetic.

“Celestia!”

“ – lest chaos reign! They are weak and mortal and do not know the dangers that surround them!”

Doctor: (Corona) Have thee not listened to Fox News?

Celestia had backed herself against a stone pillar. She tried to move around it, but Luna was there, in front of her, faster than her considerably weaker senses could follow, wings spread wide and creating a wall.

Doctor: (Corona) No fair sister! That’s cheating!

“Without me,” Celestia continued, “the griffins…the dragons…Discord…Tirek…thou were there, Luna! Thou knowest the world as I do! How canst thou deny my right? My cause is just! My – ”

Doctor: (Corona) All I want to do is create a tyrannical reign over Equestria! For its own good, of course.

Ditzy: Is this going to turn into some argument about security vs freedom?

“Tia!”

The name cut through Celestia’s tirade, and her defenses, like a hot knife through butter. She blinked several times. The word had possessed no magic, in and of itself, but…

…how long? How long since her sister had called her that? Longer than a millennium, certainly.

Ditzy: Usually it was sunbutt.

She gazed upwards at Luna, who returned the stare evenly. For the first time, Celestia looked at her sister, and saw not murderous resolve, not treacherous intent, but…but sadness. Resignation.

Celestia lunged with her horn.

Doctor: Pfft. You actually thought she would listen to reason?

Ditzy: B-but, what? What about friendship, love, and forgiveness?

Doctor: Nope, those are childish things. Obviously she’s beyond redemption.

Ditzy: But, wait, if she’s still evil, why didn’t the Elements turn her to stone or something?

Luna blinked, and Celestia’s entire body was wrapped in a midnight blue aura, her horn-charge stopped before coming anywhere near Luna’s throat.

Doctor: Yeah, what exactly was her plan there?

“Don’t…” Luna said, though her voice cracked. She paused, closing her eyes, before starting over without opening them. “Please, Tia. Don’t make me do this again. A thousand years ago, I thought I’d lost you forever and it destroyed me. But if this…if this is going to turn into some kind of cycle…” The princess paused once more, before opening her eyes and looking Celestia in the face. “We were meant to rule together, sister – ”

Doctor: (Luna) Join me, and together we can rule Equestria as sisters

Ditzy: Doctor, that was a little too obvious..

“No!” Celestia shouted. “It’s mine! All of it! Everything! Mine! All mine!”

Doctor: Dang it. I already did the Daffy Duck joke.

Luna retreated several steps at the exclamation, eyes wide, as Celestia began struggling against Luna’s telekinetic grip. “Tia, you’re not well. You need help. Let me – ”

“Release me! Release me or next time, I will not spare thee! Thou shalt burn!”

Ditzy: B-but friendship! Isn’t suppose to save the day?

Luna blinked several times more, mouth hanging slightly open as she watched Celestia struggle, and cry out in anger.

Doctor: (Luna) I was so sure that would work. I’ve been working on that speech for years!

Ditzy: That persuasion check was terrible.

The princess was breathing heavily at the sight, and looked like she was on the verge of collapsing and just dying on the spot from sorrow at what her sister had become.

Ditzy: Hold on a minute. If she’s still evil, why didn’t she pretend to turn good so she can defeat her sister from within?

Doctor: She’s not very smart remember?

Ditzy: Oh, right.

After several long moments, however, her eyes narrowed, and she forced her breathing to steady. “Corona,” she proclaimed, ignoring the alicorn’s cries of protest about her name. “You leave me no choice. You will once more be banished to the heart of the sun. Escape, if you can, but next time, I will be waiting. I will be prepared.”

Ditzy: Like you were prepared last time?

Celestia spat at Luna.

Ditzy: Right into her eyes too. Eww….

“Thou shalt suffer!” she shouted, even as Luna’s horn began to glow brighter. “You shall all suffer for denying me my right – ”

Doctor: Yes yes. We get it. You’ve made your point abundantly clear.

Ditzy: Luna can’t banish her to the sun fast enough.

Luna’s horn was glowing bright enough, now, to transcend its normal blue aura, and be glowing white instead. She opened her eyes – similarly gleaming with power…when a green-tinged cloud of particles passed in front of her face.

Ditzy: Oh no! Joker gas!

The princess stumbled backwards and out of the cloud, coughing and sputtering at whatever she had inhaled.

Ditzy: (Luna) Ugh! It tastes like rancid farts.

Her concentration slipped, and Celestia fell to the floor, out of Luna’s magical grip, while Luna’s own magic spun wildly out of control, sending off jets of light and power in random directions. Several nearly struck the Elements of Harmony, but their accessories glowed, and created a barrier against the unintentional assault, protecting them.

Ditzy: But not their bearers unfortunately killing them instantly.

Celestia lifted herself to her hooves, intent on charging forward with her horn once more,

Doctor: (Facehoofs)

Ditzy: How can she possibly think that would work?

when she felt the presence of a pony beside her.

Ditzy: It was Trixie who then bucked Corona in the face!

Glancing, she saw Zecora, once more wearing her brown cape, and with an unconscious Spike on her back. “Quickly, your majesty!” Zecora exclaimed, as she reached into her cloak and produced a bottle of a liquid that somehow managed to be striped blue and red, and unstopped it. “This brew will restore power to you!”

Ditzy: Even for Zecora potions that’s dumb and way too convenient.

Doctor: Have to shoehorn her into a recurring villain somehow.

Celestia didn’t need to hear anything else, biting down on the end of the bottle and throwing her head back, swallowing the concoction in one fell gulp, ignoring its bitter taste.

Ditzy: But enjoyed the strawberry flavoring.

She felt it work almost immediately, but pathetically.

Doctor: It didn’t even give her enough exp to level up to level two.

It gave her only a fraction of her total power. Next to her sister she would still be weak as a foal, and now Luna looked like she was recovering from whatever Zecora had done to her, glaring angrily at the zebra and her sister.

Doctor: (Corona) How dare thee rescue me! I am Celestia! I am the sun! I can rescue myself! How dare thee think thee can save a goddess! I am the sun! I should burn thee for thy presumptuousness! Thee are a foal to think I would ever need help from the likes of any mortal! I am the sun! Did I mention I am the sun? I am not sure that has been made clear enough.

Celestia was a very, very old alicorn,

Doctor:And yet you don’t look a day over 400,000.

however, and however much it felt like a slap to her face, she knew when to fall back, make a tactical withdrawal,

Doctor: Only when told she needs to. Otherwise she would be fruitlessly running at Luna with her horn all day.

and any other euphemism one cared to think up for run away.

Ditzy: Run with your tail in between your legs?

Doctor: Scampering away like scared mouse?

Her horn glowed – still gold, not the pure white she preferred – and she wrapped herself in teleportation magic.

Almost as an afterthought, she included Zecora, and by extension Spike, in her spell as well.

Ditzy: They’re only the ones that saved your behind. (Sighs)

Doctor: If you are going to throw a hissy fit that someone had the gall to save you, you aren’t exactly giving them incentive to help you in the future.

That made it twice that the zebra had forestalled disaster. Celestia would not let a follower like that go to waste.

Doctor: At least, until Zecora does some small slight that displeases her and burns the zebra to death. She still needs to check that off on her cliche villain checklist.

As for Spike…well, one never knew when brute, dumb muscle could be useful, and Spike was just that when Celestia forced him to age prematurely.

Ditzy: (Starts grinding her teeth)

Doctor: (Puts a comforting hoof on Ditzy)

Ditzy: (Growls) This story.It treats almost all my friends like trash! What did Spike ever do to you author?!

In a flash of light, Celestia was gone.

Doctor: The moral of the story. People are beyond redemption and no amount of kindness, love, or friendship can ever redeem them.

Ditzy: Friendship Isn’t Magic.

But she would return.

Doctor: In Longest Night Longest Day 2 Electric Boogaloo!

Ditzy: With ten times the foalish temper tantrums!

Doctor: Can Corona somehow lose even more dignity? Tune in to find out!

Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Epilogue 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 24 - Epilogue 2

Celebrating would come later.

Ditzy: Trixie had to dry clean her outfit.

For now, hours later as the moon left its high position in the sky and began a gradual, measured, and above all else proper descent towards the horizon,

Doctor: Kids today and their irregular moon orbits.

all Ponyville could do was focus on the return of their loved ones.

Doctor: Ditzy spent most of the day just hugging her daughter, much to the filly’s annoyance.

Most of Ponyville, anyway.

Trixie nodded her head slightly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I have no love ones and all my friends are too busy with said love ones to hang out with me...

“It’s actually in better condition than I thought it would be,” she remarked as she picked her way through her living room, careful not to step on broken glass or splintered wood. The hole Raindrops had made in her window, remained, of course, but it had been added to a dozen times over by ponies that looked like they had been literally tearing up the floorboards looking for Trixie.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Those jerks stole all the booze! I was planning on spending the rest of the night in a drunken stupor!

Luna moved with somewhat less caution,

Ditzy: (Luna) Gah! (Sniffs) I got a nail in one of my frogs...

a scowl on her features as she surveyed the damage,

Doctor: She was impressed at the rather colorful graffiti about Trixie’s mom.

deepening when she saw that the storybook mural on the wall that had contained the legend of Celestia’s fall and Corona’s rise has been left largely untouched.

Doctor: Except for the mustache and glasses drawn on Luna’s face.

“This…” Luna said, “this is unacceptable. Whatever their imagined issue with you, this house is…” she paused as her gaze centered on a hole in the ceiling of the room, “was property of the Crown.”

Trixie looked to Luna. “It’s just a house,” Trixie remarked. She forced herself to be cheerful. “They were angry and scared. And taking that out on wood and plaster is better than taking it out on each other, right?”

Doctor: No, there is no justification for mob mentality.

Trixie paused a moment as she thought. “Or me.”

Doctor: (Luna) I disagree. Your hospital bills would be nothing compared to the cost of repairing this house.

Luna’s scowl persisted for several long minutes. Her gaze had drifted back to the mural once more, and she had stepped up to it, looking into the painted eyes of Corona.

Doctor: If you look closely, there is a clue to a secret the crown wants hidden!

The wall stared back emotionlessly.

Ditzy: (Wall) What? Do you think I care about your problems?

“You’re right,” Luna admitted with a sigh.

Trixie watched Luna closely. Finally, she asked the question that had to be asked.

Ditzy: (Trixie) How do you get your hair like that? Do you use some sort of special conditioner?

“Are you alright?”

“Of course I’m not!” Luna snapped.

Ditzy: I rolled my persuasion checks badly, and now why sister is out there plotting the destruction of us all!

The unicorn didn’t budge at the burst of emotion, nor the glare that followed,

Doctor: Trixie was happy being her teacher’s emotional punching bag.

albeit only for a few moments before Luna reigned herself in, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Every history text talks about Cel - about Corona and the revolution against her

Doctor: (Luna) And would you believe ponies started talking about ‘democracy’, ‘rights of the people’, and ‘freedom from any superior power on earth’? Got rid of that nonsense in a hurry.

and my brave and noble sacrifice by sending her into the sun. But everypony seems to of selectively forgotten what happened next. Everypony but me, and I am trying very, very hard to stop myself from having a relapse. I was as bad as Corona.”

Doctor: (Luna) I went crazy. Tried to cast the world into eternal darkness. It was a bad time.

Ditzy: (Luna) I started monologuing just like her! And even worse, I did an evil laugh too!

Trixie blinked at that. “I really don’t think that’s possible,” she said.

Luna glared at her again. “I was worse,” the princess insisted. “Corona was a tyrant. I was absent and utterly useless at affairs of state because I spent the better part of twelve years in a drunken stupor, trying to block out what I had done, what Corona had forced me to do.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I don’t see the problem.

I would let days pass without raising the sun,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Again, how is that a bad thing? Nopony likes that horrible thing.

and would set it early as the mood struck me, and probably only raised it at all because barley and grapes need sunlight.

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s just science gibberish. Everypony knows that’s not true!

I would arrange the stars however I wished.

Doctor: Luna enjoyed trolling sailors and sending them to their deaths at sea.

Ditzy: (Luna) I liked to make really inappropriate shapes with them.

I would descend upon a settlement and make the inhabitants wait on my every wish and amuse myself by manipulating their lives and dolling out favor and misfortune as I desired.

Ditzy: (Luna) I want escargot for breakfast this morning.

Doctor: (Pony) I don’t even know that that is!

Ditzy: (Luna) Too bad! It looks like I’m going to have to burn down your house now! Bwahahaha!

I did anything, anything, to make myself forget, and ponies everywhere suffered for it.” Luna snorted as she looked away from Trixie.

Ditzy: (Luna) Though I did get quite a few laughs. I used to curse ponies for refusing to give me hospitality. Good times.

Trixie considered. For whatever reason, she wasn’t actually very surprised by Luna’s admission.

Ditzy: In fact, she thought it sounded really cool.

“Did you hurt anypony?” she asked.

“Countless thousands.”

Doctor: (Luna) I am the worst mass murderer in Equestria history!

“I mean in a permanent way. An unforgiveable way, rather than just you being a big, drunk jerk wandering the countryside.”

Doctor: She cause the deaths of many sailors and travelers by rearranging the stars randomly?

Ditzy: Or what about the ponies that couldn’t feed themselves because their crops didn’t get enough sunlight!

Luna stifled a burst of laughter at that. Trixie’s statement made Luna sound like she had been a sorority head leading a hazing ritual more than anything.

Ditzy: And it’s just like Trixie to pretend that a problem didn’t exist.

“I have not forgiven myself,” Luna stated.

Doctor: We are at the tail end of the story. Is this really the time to get into Luna’s emotional problems?

Ditzy: Surprisingly, both princesses need therapy.

“Princess…”

The alicorn shook her head. “No. I was capricious and melancholy, not a monster. But I was essentially a little Discord. A storm of chaos followed me wherever I went.”

Ditzy: I expect a lot of Discord X Luna shipping when he shows up.

Trixie had made her way to an overturned bookcase. It had been full of a fairly generic collection of books,

Doctor: The Necroponicon, the Dune Sea Scrolls, the Book of the Dead, the Book of Vile Darkness, and the King of Yellow.

mostly the classics like Foalnapped and The History of the Decline and Fall of the Griffon Empire.

Ditzy: Why would ‘The History of the Decline and Fall of the Griffon Empire’ be a classic? That is the kind of book you would only read for a book report.

Doctor: Ah, yes. A reference to the Edward Gibbon’s classic about the Roman Empire. An impressive account who methodology became an inspiration to future historians everywhere.

Ditzy: Which nopony outside of you and Twilight would ever read willingly.

Doctor: (Scowls) Don’t you care about history Ditzy?

Ditzy: Sure. That’s what Ponypedia is for!

Doctor: (Facehoofs)

Trixie had added only a single book to the collection since moving in, and breathed out a sigh of relief as she found her copy of Don Rocinante unharmed.

Ditzy: No Daring Do books? Talk about uncultured.

“What snapped you out of it?”

“A family of dragons decided that Equestria was weak and ripe for pillaging. I happened to be nearby as they crossed the border and…convinced them that they were mistaken.

Doctor: So you murdered them basically.

But after that I realized what I’d been doing. That I was letting my pain and suffering become the pain and suffering of others.”

Ditzy: So...just like Trixie.

“But you did realize,” Trixie noted. “Corona didn’t…she still hasn’t. That makes you better.

Doctor: It helps that the princess actually has depth to her character.

And you’re right, everypony seems to of forgotten that bit of history. It must not of been as bad as you make it out to be.”

Ditzy: Ponies died for sure Trixie.

That didn’t seem to improved Luna’s mood.

Doctor: Because it is a weak bunch of apologism?

She breathed in deeply, and let her breath out slowly. “Celest…Corona…will be weak for a long time,” Luna stated.

Doctor: (Luna) At least a season’s worth.

“She will recover the depth of her magical reserves in just a few days, but the power will take longer…perhaps five or six months. But she will not be quiet in that time.”

Doctor: Making her pretty easy to find then considering she never shuts up and constantly causes a scene.

Ditzy: (Corona) Thou hast charged me 2 bits higher for the cabbage than 'twas stated in this flyer! Thou darest attempt to cheat and rob me, mortal? I am Corona! I am the Sun! Thou shalt burn for this outrage! I am the Sun! Thou shalt receive no mercy!

The alicorn ruffled her wings a few times as she thought, then looked back to Trixie. “We should return to Canterlot.”

Ditzy: (Luna) I have cartons of ice cream waiting for me back at the castle.

Trixie blinked a few times at that. “We?” she asked.

Luna grinned slightly. It was forced, but only because Luna still didn’t seem to be much in the mood – the intent behind it was genuine enough. “Trixie, you saved Equestria, saved the lives of some five dozen captives Corona had taken. Surely you don’t think that I’m still angry with you.”

Doctor: You barely acted like you cared that she was ok. What do you think Trixie is going to think? Oh, and don’t call her Shirley.

She looked away. “I…I was lying when I said I didn’t banish you here. I did.

Doctor: (Luna) In fact, I couldn’t wait to see the back of you.

It is an excellent first appointment, in a way,

Doctor: If by excellent, you mean an almost complete dead end one with little promise.

but it is also small and easily forgotten and has little standing in the Night Court.

Ditzy: And the other member love to mock and laugh at it.

Sending you here was intended as a punishment.”

Doctor: (Luna) But hey! At least you would get to fullfill your love of spending most of your life in a booze induced haze.

Ditzy: (Luna) And I was...pretty sure you won’t have committed suicide out of despair.

Luna looked back to Trixie. “The Night Court is the strictest meritocracy.

Doctor: (Snorts) Sure. Whatever you say.

You have to climb through its ranks yourself, Trixie, get noticed yourself, collect your own favors and prestation.

Ditzy: (Luna) Sucking as many...on second thought nevermind. I’m not going to make that joke. Way too easy.

Doctor: Thank goodness.

But there was no need for me to send you here, where you’ll essentially be locked out of the Night Court. I will arrange for a proper appointment elsewhere. A junior advisory position in Manehattan or Neigh Orleans, or a minister to one of the protectorate states like Cavallia or Pferdreich, something where, if you’re clever enough, you could actually get noticed – ”

Ditzy: So much for that then.

Doctor: No doubt she would be noticed for all the wrong reasons.

“I was actually hoping I could stay,” Trixie interrupted. Luna looked surprised at Trixie’s desire as the unicorn pressed on.

Doctor: (Luna) You’re actually choosing your friends over your career? Are you really so naive?

“I mean…I made a horrible first impression on everypony…

Ditzy: To put in mildly.

Doctor: And to the audience.

the residency is a bit of a fixer-upper…

Ditzy: (Trixie) And I rather like the hate filled graffiti. It brings color to the place.

Ponyville is kind of the wasteland of Equestria…

Ditzy: Plagued with raiders, radiation, and super mutants.

I’m not sure about the mental stability of some of the ponies here…”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Just look at Cheerilee. Her cheeriness hides so much despair and bitterness it’s only a matter of time until she cracks.

she trailed off as she realized that, if she contiued listing all the flaws of Ponyville, the two would be there all night,

Ditzy: (Trixie) And the convenience store doesn’t stock my favorite type of tea! The savages!

“…anyway. My friends are here. It’s close to Canterlot so I could even attend the Night Court directly from time to time. And given that I’m your apprentice and I sort of just helped save Equestria, I don’t think being noticed will be a problem.”

Doctor: And she can’t wait to rub that into everyone’s faces.

Luna considered Trixie carefully, before nodding. “Very well,” she said,

Doctor: (Luna) What an idiot. You offer her the world and she decided to live in a landfill.

Ditzy: Isn’t the Princess really overlooking the fact that they might need the Elements again? So it might be a good idea to keep them together? You really don’t want Trixie days away when disaster strikes.

Doctor: The Princess is so good at planning for disasters.

as she turned around to leave. Trixie followed, both of them exiting through the front door of the residency (the front aperture, at least, the door itself Trixie had not been able to find), out a sense of tradition if not necessity given the numerous other options Ponyville had seen fit to provide Trixie with. “Stay at a hotel for now, I will arrange for the residency’s repairs.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Can I get a jacuzzi?

Doctor: (Luna) No.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh come on! I saved the world! So I deserve a jacuzzi!

Trixie nodded at that, though a second later she flinched a little. “About that…” she said. “I might have spent my entire stipend when I was trying to…well…spite you.”

Luna glanced at Trixie incredulously. “How?” she asked.

“Weather-for-hire ponies aren’t cheap, especially when they’re rushed down from Cloudsdale.”

Doctor: (Luna) Trixie, you had 1000 bits in your account. A thousand.

“But they ended up being superfluous.”

Ditzy: And all thanks to Rainbow Dash!

“Their contract specifies ‘no refunds.’”

Doctor: (Facehoofs) I really don’t think she’s cutout for being in the Night Court.

Luna shrugged. “I suppose I could float you some bits,” she remarked as her horn glowed. With a pop, a small cloth bag appeared in front of Trixie, who caught it telekinetically.

Trixie was puzzled a moment,

Doctor: (Trixie) This is chocolate candy!

Ditzy: (Luna) Tough. That’s all you’re getting.

before sighing. “It was you. The random pony I stopped on the street and paid thirty bits to find Lyra.” She considered as she remembered Luna’s trick prior to the official beginning of the Longest Night. “One of you, anyway.”

Ditzy: (Blinks) Really? That’s a weird coincidence.

“Indeed. I will arrange for more money to be sent to you. But that,” she pointed a hoof at the bag, “is a loan. I expect to be paid back.”

Doctor: (Luna) With .32 percent interest... an hour.

Trixie blinked. “Why? You’re the princess! You haven’t paid for anything in centuries! Millennia, even!”

Doctor: Clearly she doesn’t know about her secret rendezvous at Donut Joe’s.

Luna offered a grin, a more honest one than any she had been able to produce for some time. “Maybe that’s because as the princess, I never get paid.

Ditzy: (Luna) I use taxpayer money to get whatever I want.

It was a novel experience, and I had plans for those bits.”

“What plans?”

Ditzy: (Luna) Chocolatey plans.

Luna didn’t answer as the two reached the residency’s front gate and stepped out into the street.Previously, it having been nighttime for the first time in what Luna had told them was nearly twenty hours of daylight – the longest day in Equestrian history,

Ditzy: Title drop!

though far short of Corona’s promised ten days of uninterrupted sunshine –

Doctor: Obvious to anyone that knows basic math.

everypony had been asleep or, more likely, lying awake, fearing what Corona was doing to their loved ones. Now, the entire town was up and active in their homes,

Ditzy: Finally getting to that awesome castle they were making in Ponycraft.

the sheer elation of having their foals and loved ones returned to them an almost palpable sensation, though that probably wouldn’t persist for long as exhaustion set in and everypony got some much-deserved rest.

Doctor: Until they need to get back to work at 8.

Luna turned to Trixie as they stopped. “Now then, Trixie,” she said. “You have friends here, and that’s good. But you’ve had those in the past, too, and managed to drive them away. You must try, hard, not to do that again.”

Doctor: (Luna) Because that means you threw away a promising position for nothing.

“I know,” Trixie said, images of previous friends she’d had in Canterlot drifting by in her mind’s eye.

Ditzy (Past friend) Bite me Trixie!

Doctor: (Past friend) You still owe me 10 bits!

Sea Swirl, Amethyst Star, Chocolate Tail… she nodded, looking up at her hat. The Element of Magic was still there. It was, perhaps, a bit gaudy, and Trixie didn’t think she’d make a habit of wearing it all the time.

Ditzy: In case of power crazed past students of Princess Luna coming back to steal it.

Probably just for formal occasions and whenever she needed to save the world, the latter of which would hopefully be a rare event.

Ditzy: You poor naive fool. Once you get in this business, you end up saving the world once a week. I expect aliens to start invading in about a month or two.

“Friendship is magic and all that.”

Luna blinked. “Not the phrasing I would have used…” she admitted,

Doctor: In her experience, friendship was a worthless, shallow thing that barely lasted a few years.

Ditzy: It a bit shocking how unenthusiastic Princess Luna is about friendship in this story.

“but completely valid in its own way. But I don’t mean you should keep your friends just to keep the Elements functioning. That would be a hollow, meaningless thing.

Doctor: And it would cause them to stop working.

More than anything else, you should be happy.”

Doctor: Here's a little song I wrote

You might want to sing it note for note

Don't worry, be happy

In every life we have some trouble

But when you worry you make it double

Don't worry, be happy

Don't worry, be happy now

Trixie nodded. “I’ll try,” she promised, bowing. “And I’ll see you soon, princess Luna.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ll try this thing you call ‘happiness’.

Ditzy: Trixie seems the type of pony that loves being miserable.

The alicorn inclined her head in acknowledgement, then thought better of it and instead came forward and pulled Trixie into a deep embrace.

Ditzy: Finally!

Doctor:It’s about time these two showed actually affection for each other.

Trixie remained a not particularly touchy-feely pony and flinched,

Ditzy: (Trixie) This...happiness. I don’t think I like it at all!

but after a moment returned the show of affection.

Doctor: With a kiss.

Eventually, Luna pulled away, and closed her eyes, horn glowing. In a moment, she had become a nebulous, star-studded mass that rose into the night sky, then shot off.

Trixie watched Luna disappear, then looked to the bag of bits she held. A thought occurred to her, that hadn’t before, but in hindsight it was one she really should have considered first.

“Does Ponyville even have a hotel?” she asked,

Doctor: (Trixie) In this backwater dump, they probably make visitors sleep in outhouses.

then paused again. “Would I even be able to check in at this hour? I wonder if Carrot Top has a spare bedroom…”

Ditzy: Considering she barely has anything in her house, would she even have a second bed if she did?

Doctor: Or even a bed at all?

Ditzy: What a wonderful end to the story. Trixie is homeless. Carrot Top will have her life ruined by the Apples for opposing them. Corona is still out there being evil and will probably nuke Ponyville once she gets her powers back. And Spike is going to be Corona’s slave and will be forced into hurting and killing ponies.

Doctor: You would think the first story in the series would end a little more...optimistically? I don’t really get why the story has to end with Trixie homeless and it ends on a rather dower note.

Ditzy: Trixie could at least get an apology for destroying her house. And, I don’t know, pay for her hotel room.

Doctor: I don’t really get the world building in this story. It just suddenly shows up out of nowhere and doesn’t bother to really explain anything or how things are different in this world. It just makes you shrug and wonder what that was about. Was there some sort of guidebook we are suppose to read beforehand?

Ditzy: You know, this fic actually got me thinking.

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: I’ve seen Raindrops around, but I don’t think I’ve actually really talked to her. I wonder if we could actually become good friends.

Doctor: Worth a try.

Ditzy: I’m already friends with Lyra and Golden Harvest. Cheerilee....Well, I’ve always found her kinda annoying, but maybe she’s really nice once you get to know her. As for Trixie….we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Doctor: Hmmm. If there is one thing you can take away from this story, it’s that you never know who you can become friends with.

Ditzy: Ready to get out of here?

Doctor: (Nods)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diamond Tiara watched as Dinky’s parents walked out of the theater. They were chatting about the fanfic they just read.

“I guess it has potential. It wasn’t a badly written story. It doesn’t seem to have the ability to handle a cast of so many ponies though. Carrot Top and Cheerilee seemed to have been lost somewhere.” Ditzy said while waving a hoof.

“True, Lyra and Raindrops’s stronger personalities overshadowed them pretty easily.” The Doctor nodded.

“And what is with it giving me a daughter? I don’t get that at all. Do I really look like a pony that would have a teenage pregnancy?” Ditzy complained. “Although she was really cute, in a generic cavity giving way.”

The Doctor tilted his head. “I have no doubt you would make a terrific mother, if a bit odd one. Though, I think you still want to enjoy life a little more before starting a family.”

Ditzy nodded emphatically. “Right. I am way too young to have a family. I should enjoy these early years while I still have them. Although I really wish I wasn’t wasting them stuck here reading terrible fanfics by some nebulous force.”

The Doctor nodded and the two left for the kitchen. Ditzy was planning on cooking a casserole tonight.

Diamond Tiara sighed. These two really weren’t going to make this easy. Dinky just muttered a goodbye and trotted out of the room one again in a sour mood. It was like fate itself was going out of its way to spite the poor filly.

“It really isn’t fair is it?” Star Shot said seemingly reading her thoughts. “Dinky goes through so much, but these two seem to have it so easy. Look at them living so carefree.” Currently Ditzy was preparing dinner with a smile on her face while the Doctor chatted with her while reading some book half paying attention to it.

“So we are going to make them read even worse fanfics?” Diamond Tiara proposed.

Star Shot thought for a moment and chuckled to herself. “No, I have a better idea. Bright Eyes just gave me to me.” She quickly left the room. Diamond Tiara turned towards Silver Spoon and she just shrugged. Diamond Tiara looked apprehensive and wondered what the strange mare was up to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon spent the next two hours playing rummy in the control room. Diamond Tiara won most the games as usual much to her best friend’s annoyance. Diamond Tiara suppressed her grin. She enjoyed crushing her opponents.

Dinky eventually joined them and the game seemed to have put her in better spirits. They were currently playing a game of Go Fish.

“Do you have any fives?” Dinky asked. Diamond Tiara nodded and passed her 3 cards. Dinky took a card from her hooves put them in a pile next to her.

“Do you have any jacks?” Dinky asked Silver Spoon.

“Go fish.” Silver Spoon replied and Dinky took a card from the pile in front of them

They all heard whistling and turned to see Star Shot entering with a big smile on her face. She waved. “Hey guys. I’ve got a big surprise for you.”

Dinky raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Just look at the screen.” Star Shot pointed at a monitor that showed the main meeting room. In it was a large wrapped box with a pattern of a cute teddy bear. It was at least the size of a pony.

“What is it?” Dinky asked hesitantly. Diamond Tiara mirrored her reaction, with this one it was hard to tell what she was going to do.

“You’ll see.” Star Shot in a sing song tone.

It didn’t take long for the Doctor and Ditzy to found the package. “What’s this?” Ditzy asked looking at the Doctor. He just shrugged.

“It’s probably from Dinky. Let’s open it.” The Doctor said enthusiastically. He seemed intrigued by the package. Ditzy looked hesitant and the Doctor noticed it. “I’m sure it's fine. It isn’t like they have a reason to hurt us. Well, not a big one anyway.”

Ditzy gave a hesitant nod and flew to the top and tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. When she looked inside she gasped and fell backwards crashing into the ground with a thud.

“Wha?” That was all Ditzy could say. The Doctor tapped a hoof on his chin and pulled the box down so it toppled over. The box’s contents spilled on the ground. Hundreds of packing peanuts fell to the ground as well as a familiar bound and gagged unicorn with a blue coat and a silver mane with a purple cape and hat with a stars on it.

Everyone except Star Shot gasped. The Doctor looked taken aback at this sudden revelation and went back a step.

“T-trixie?” Ditzy stuttered.

The Doctor regained his composure and glared at the screen Dinky liked to communicate with. “What is the meaning of this?” He had an dangerous edge to his voice. Ditzy rushed to Trixie’s aid and untied her.

“Trixie thanks you.” Trixie finally said after the gag was removed. She brushed packing peanuts from her hat and cape with a hoof.

Star Shot trotted up the mic on the console. “Oh, I just thought things were a bit dull around here, so I decided to give you a new friend!”

“Trixie demands to know what in Tartarus is going on!” Trixie stomped her hoof in emphasis.

“What is going on?” Dinky hissed glaring.

Star Shot just gave an amused look and shrugged. “Just like I said.”

“Apparently this some sick joke on Star Shot’s part.” The Doctor said dryly.

“Trixie demands to set free! Now!” Trixie yelled.

“Can’t do that Sparkles.” Star Shot said with a hint of mockery in her voice.

“What did you call me?!” Trixie fumed.

The Doctor sighed. “It seems you're stuck with us. Part of this experiment or whatever it is.”

Trixie went pale. “Experiment? Like making us complete puzzles in a deadly maze while secretly trying to turn us against each other?”

“Thankfully no. We’re just forced to read bad fanfics.” Ditzy piped in.

“Trixie thinks the former would be preferable.” Trixie paled again.

“Definiently. It would be faster.” The Doctor said sighing. “I’m the Doctor by the way. I don’t think we’ve formally met.

“And I’m Ditzy Doo!” Ditzy chimed in.

“And I, as I’m sure you're all aware, am the Great and Powerful Trixie! The greatest magician in all of Equestria. Capable of amazing and…”

The Doctor interrupted Trixie.”Yes, yes. I think we get it.” Ditzy just rubbed her head and sighed.

Trixie gave the two a better look. “Wait a second! The Great and Powerful Trixie remembers you! You’re those two hecklers from Trottingham!” She glared hatefully at them.

The Doctor bristled at this while Ditzy look embarrassed. The Doctor coughed. “Well, yes, but that long time ago.”

Trixie was not placated by this. “You called the Great and Powerful Trixie an overblown third rate magician more suited towards foal’s birthday parties than any real magic!” Trixie growled. “Then you upstaged Trixie with your own impromptu magic act and played a classical music piece using only spoons! Then, you slipped away before Trixie could do anything and show off her fantastical rebuttal. The Great and Powerful Trixie was unable to win the crowd back and you completely ruined my show!”

Trixie continued. “You made Trixie a laughing stock and Trixie lost the remainder of her reputation and she was forced to work on a rock farm! A rock farm!”

The Doctor looked a little ashamed and looked down. “I might have gone a little too far.”

Ditzy looked crestfallen. “Yeah, that wasn’t cool of us. Sorry.”

Trixie snorted. “I bet.”

“Ms. Lulamoon. Is it okay I call you that?” The Doctor started. Trixie nodded. “I think we’ve started on the wrong foot. My friend Ditzy is right, it wasn’t right at all for us to do that. I had no idea it hurt you like that. I was being childish. I deeply apologize for what happened. Since we’re stuck together for the time being, I rather not have us at each other's throats. How about just start over and put all past mistakes behind us?” Ditzy nodded emphatically in agreement.

Trixie thought a moment. “Very well. I accept. Trixie too has done things in the past she regrets and wants to forget.”

The Doctor put out a hoof and Trixie shook it. “It’s nice to meet you Ms. Lulamoon.” Ditzy did the same.

“Huh, they make friends faster than I expected.” Star Shot commented a bit surprised. “I expected them to be throwing punches by now.”

“What are you doing? What about the plan?!” Dinky demanded pointing a hoof.

“I just thought I would punish them a little for the way they treat you.” Star Shot grins. “I thought it would be funny if I gave them the most annoying pony in the world.” Star Shot put a hoof to her chin and smirked. “Considering how she acts, I wonder how long the peace will last.”

Star Shot noticed Dinky still glaring at her. “Oh come on. It isn’t really going to change anything. Besides squirt, It isn’t like people don’t follow in love while around other ponies.”

Dinky just threw up her hooves. “Whatever. Just don’t do it again.”

Star Shot grinned. “The best part, no pony will care if she’s gone! She’s the perfect pony to take!”

Diamond Tiara agreed. Considering what the so called Great and Powerful Trixie had done and what she is like, it is probably the best and safer for everypony if she’s trapped here. And it would be amusing to watch Dinky’s parent having to deal with her. This will probably be a lot of fun.

Episode 25 - Kingdom of Monsters Part 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 2

Chapter 10

Pinkie Pie was taking a walk to the castle of the two sisters to test out the organ there

All: How convenient.

Doctor: Pinkie loves nothing more than playing with organs in the dead of night.

when she noticed a light in the distance.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Oooo pretty.

She ignored it and kept walking. Then she thought that she might want to take a look at the light and turned around. When she did, the light was a lot brighter and more powerful.

Doctor: Please don’t use your brights if you don’t need to.

As she stepped into the cave she noticed a song being played.

Trixie: It was a song called Friday. Pinkie couldn’t leave the cave fast enough.

as she got closer to the source of the music, she felt more and more at ease.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Sure the music is ear splitting bad, but the lyrics are so catchy you can’t help but love it!

When she reached the center of the room, right next to a music box, she could barley think.

Ditzy: About how she could use it to get past some Hammer Brothers!

She wanted to stay there forever. Slowly she felt a achieving pain in her ears.

Doctor: It was the top valedictorian student of its academy.

Then pain exploded throughout her body. The mare screamed in agony as her flesh fell off her bones. Her mane and tail staining violet and her eyes becoming nothing more the darkness.

Doctor: It really astounds me just how easy these transformations are. It doesn’t even need a spell cast on them.

Trixie: And there is no defence against it at all because reasons.

Your name, wraith, Eclipse demanded as she slithered back into the cave.

"I feel great my queen," when she said this a cloak of darkness formed over her and her eyes became eyes of shadow.

Trixie: (Eclipse) That doesn’t answer my question.

The element of laughter twisted into the element of obsession.

Doctor: And this is a good thing because?

"You want to know my name right, well it's Violet Soul my queen, and thank you for making me a wraith it is very fun!" Said as she flew around the room.

Trixie: Wait, why does she get to name herself?

Ditzy: Poor Shade. He could have avoided a very stupid name.

"Your welcome, now good improve every one in the shopping district," Eclipse demanded.

Ditzy: (Violet) Sure thing boss! I’m make sure everypony gets the best deals!

"Of course, master," she said as she flew out of the cave.

"All according to plan," Eclipse said to her self with a grin.

Trixie: Oh please. Is Trixie suppose to be impressed by this?

Ditzy: Great, Eclipse thinks she’s Light or something.

Author's Note:

Can every one point out typos in the comments, it will help a lot, thanks.

Trixie: That would be like trying to count the grains of sand on a beach!

Chapter 11

As Drain tracked one of the employes at ponyville hospital. She couldn’t wait to sink her teeth into the mare.

Ditzy: But only gently grazing the skin of course. It would be mean otherwise.

Once the nurse was alone in the bathroom.

Doctor: And was done washing her hooves.

Drain attacked. Digging her fangs into her flesh as the nurse started to scream. The scream was cut as the amazing feeling of her blood being sucked took over. Her horn disappeared as bat wings grew from her back.

Trixie: What a rip! You can’t be a vampire unicorn?

Her mind dissolved into dust as her eyes turned blood red. Her fur changed color to a gunmetal grey as her memories were sucked away. After all, what good are memories when you are in paradise.

Doctor: A paradise that is sure to become dull in a few years. And sure a diet of blood, which is the most amazing thing you have ever tasted, seems nice. But it will grow old and familiar eventually and you will be craving for the days of simple hayburgers and dandelion sandwiches.

Ditzy: And what do you even talk about in the world of monsters? You have no memories.

Trixie: And no media or music to enjoy.

Drain was in heaven. The blood she was drinking seemed to fill every taste test she could give it. Her wings doubled in size and gained red marks on them.

Trixie: They were Drain’s gang signs!

Drain’s skin changed color to indigo instead of it’s previous black.

Doctor: Well, that’s something at least.

Her mind changed as well.

Doctor: Now Drain was a hard working go-getter that took lip from no pony!

Removing any sense of right and wrong from her mind.

Ditzy: She reached a perfect zen state and was in line with all of her chakras.

All that mattered was her and her queen’s desires.

Ditzy: Um… wasn’t she already like that?

”Welcome to the darkness, Fang,” Drain said as she wiped the blood off her face.

”What are your orders mistress,” Fang said to her new master as fangs grew out of her mouth and a mark of fangs in a heart formed.

Doctor: Wow. I don’t think it would be possible to create a more cliche vampire.

”Go to the Everfree and wait for me there,”

Ditzy: (Drain) We’re having a pizza party at 6.

”Yes mistress,” Fang said as she flew off.

“Sis, where are you?” Sweetie Belle yelled as she searched her house. Archnea barely held in her laughter.

Ditzy: Hurting innocent foals is such a kick!

Doctor: Remember. They might not actually be evil.

That is just asking to get turned Archnea thought as she produced some of her web. She then shot it on to Sweetie Belle’s foot. Before she could even look at her foot, her sight was blocked by red silk. It wasn’t long before Archnea finished the cocoon.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) This is surprisingly comfy!

Sweete started to panic, until she felt something poking her side.

Trixie: (Sweetie) Stop that! It tickles!

She couldn’t look over, but the deeper it went, the less she remembered about her self.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) Do I prefer Coke or Pepsi? The horror!

More things poked into her, and out of the flesh they dug into began to grow extra legs. At this point, she didn’t even remember her own sister. It was all overridden by the sensation of getting a new body. Extra eyes formed and her coat became a light red as Sweete Belle stopped living,

Ditzy: So she’s a zombie spider thing?

in her place was something much more dark and obedient to her sister.

Ditzy: So it was worth it! No more teenage rebellion!

Doctor: Finally Rarity was able to stop Sweetie from getting the mohawk she always wanted.

Trixie: Wasn’t it Archac-something.

Doctor: Who cares really?

Archnea felt her body change with a wave of pleasure. Her legs became more rigged and longer. Archnea’s body went lower to the ground and her coat became a tangled mess of her mane and her growing body fur.

Trixie: Archnea screamed in horror!

Archnea’s mind became more dark as well. It was filled of thoughts of her and her webs and how beautiful they were. And if she improved more ponies, it would be better.

Doctor: Yes, but what happens when you run out of ponies to change? What will you do with your life then? Hmmm.

Ditzy: How long until they start looking like a Dark Souls boss?

”How do you feel, Silk?” Archnea said thinking that the name fit.

”I feel great Dutchess,” Silk said as she broke completely. Her tail became a sack and changed color to red.

Doctor: Yes yes. Red, black, darkness etc etc..

”Good, now go to the forest,” Archnea said, without another word silk was gone.

Trixie: (Silk) Alright! Off to the Whitetail Woods I go!

Author's Note:

If you find any typos please point them out. Also I put up a blog to the ranking of monsters.

Ditzy: Can you provide a chart of who’s who too? That would be nice.

Chapter 12

Scootaloo was in the CMC clubhouse waiting for her friends. When she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"Scootaloo, are you up there?"

Trixie: (Scootaloo) Um, Rainbow Dash. Why are you speaking in a poopy brown color?

Doctor: (Ashburn) I, er well, have a cold!

The filly looked out the window to see who was there, but as soon as she poked her head out. Her body lit ablaze. She felt her skin and bone melt off of her, leaving nothing but her soul.

Doctor: And the refreshing smell of pine.

Then, she felt power surge though her reforming body. A body not made of skin and bone, but instead made of lightning.

Trixie: So like Supermare Blue and Red?

Her new found power created Armour of wind.

Ditzy: It gave her +1 defence.

Doctor: It also created a constant current of wind that blew everything around her. It made it very annoying to do homework.

Ashburn felt power surge though her.

Trixie: It made her feel a little gassy.

She gained a dark aura as well as something even more powerful.

Ditzy: The ability to add anything together just in her head!

Doctor: The ability to hum any song backwards!

Trixie: The ability to instantly know when a game on her Steam list goes on sale!

The flame that made up her body started to become more violent, Trashing about as to burn anything that gets close.

Ditzy: And that is a good thing because?

Doctor: Eclipse is going to so through so many pieces of furniture.

Trixie: (Snorts) These new powers seem to cause more harm than good most of the time.

"Welcome, Spark," Ash said in ruble that used to be a tree house.

Ditzy: Another destroyed building.

Doctor: If everyone is a super powered dark monster with no memories of their past life, who exactly is going to do construction work?

"Thank you chief,"

Doctor: (Ashburn) Don’t call me chief!

responded Spark as new, longer wings made of wind formed.

Doctor: Don’t use light colored text on a white background please. It’s hard to read and I don’t care enough to put an effort in trying,

[color=# BE7A43]"Go wait for me in the Everfree, and no, I don't need your help," Ash said coldly.

"Of course chief," Spark said leaving.

Doctor: She walked naturally. Even with dark powers, she still couldn’t fly.

Ditzy: That’s just mean Doctor.

Violet was not patient.

Ditzy: Wait, who is that again?

Doctor: Pinkie I think.

Ditzy: Ugh. The author could have a least given them punny names based off the original one. That would make it so much easier to follow.

Come on, get alone so I can help you, Violet sightly demanded.

Doctor: She was a polite and considerate monster.

As to abide by her wishes. Colgate got on break. As she stepped outside, she felt cold. Like snow was touching every part of her. She lost feeling in her hooves. Then her legs. Then her chest. Then her head.

Doctor: Then her brain. Then her frontal lobe. Then her parieto occipital sulcus. Then…

Trixie: Ok. We get it Doctor.

Then she felt pain. Her body shattered into pieces.

Ditzy: And all the princess’ ponies and all the princess’ stallions couldn’t put Colgate back together again!

Leaving her soul left to wonder the world.

Trixie: (Colgate) Why does life exist? Do we have free will or are we slaves to our genetics and instincts?

She was nothing more than cloak of darkness with glowing red eyes.

Ditzy: That is going to make her dentist job a lot harder.

Well this is new, Violet thought as her hoof exited the now changing Colgate. She felt her spirit become stronger. A dark aura formed around her. As well as carnivorous teeth.

Doctor: She now fed on small rodents and insects...or at least tries to. She’s a ghost.

"So, how do you feel Soul?" Violet liked the new name.

Trixie: (Yawns) That’s nice.

"I feel, good,"

All: (Singing) Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now

I feel good, I knew that I would, now

So good, so good, I got you.

responded soul as her bones reformed and a mark of a scythe cutting though an hourglass appeared on her cloak.

Ditzy: That means she’s now the grim reaper of hourglasses!

"Good, now go to the Everfree," told Soul. She was gone within the minute. Violet smiled. I need to do this more often, thought Violet as she went into Sugar Cube Corner.

Doctor: (Soul) Now it’s time for a cupcake! That... I can’t actually eat because I’m a spirit now, sharp teeth or not...

Eclipse weaved her way into the library that she used to call home. She was looking for the elements. Sombra said that the elements made us stronger. Maybe if I retrieve them, I will become unstoppable!

Doctor: Yep, no way that plan could backfire in anyway! No sir.

Trixie: You can’t possibly be that dumb.

Eclipse thought as she grabbed them from the pedestal. When she put on the element of control, she felt it's power come over her. increasing her size.

Trixie: And she hit her head on the ceiling.

The now black metal warped around ears. The now Green star in the middle glowed as the element attached itself to its master as to never come of.

Trixie: Unfortunately, it was tilled at an angle which drove Eclipse crazy!

She grabbed the other elements and started to move toward the exit when a voice stopped her.

"So, the Queen comes out of her den," Commented Discord.

Ditzy: Discord to the rescue? Oh, who am I kidding. She will beat him with zero difficulty too.

Trixie: Is this story really going to have no conflict...at all?

Author's Note:

Please point out any typos, thanks.

Chapter 13

"Good, this saves me the trouble of tracking you down," Eclipse deadpanned.

Trixie: (Eclipse) I’ve left you at least 40 voice mails already!

"Sombra actually did something, never would have guessed that," commented Discord.

"Cut the crap,

Ditzy: (Eclipse) And stop being mean to poor Sombra! He gets enough crap as it is from everypony!

what do you want?" Eclipse said, not even turning around to meet discords look of happiness.

"You can be such a bore sometimes you know," the king of chaos said as he ate a book.

Doctor: (Discord) The King in Yellow my favorite!

"I'm waiting for my answer," Eclipse said with venom.

"I want to be apart of your little kingdom, it seems so interesting," Discord said as he burped out a leaf.

Doctor: The lack of individuality really sold it to him.

Ditzy: As well as turning his best friend into something completely different.

"Easy, just relax," Eclipse said as her scales climbed Discords body.

Trixie: (Eclipse) Hey! Come back here, Discord!

Doctor: (Discord) Somepony should word their sentences better.

"Look into my eyes." Discord did as he rarely did, as he was told. The wave of colors washed over him as he became clay in Eclipse's hoofs.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Eek! Discord! Stop that!

Doctor: (Discord) You’re just making this too easy.

"You will obey me, you will not do anything if I do not tell you to do it, and you never speak to anyone but me," Eclipse said with glee.

Trixie: (Discord) What if I’m asked to order a pizza for you?

Doctor: (Discord) What if you’re hurt and dying and I’m the only one around to ask for help?

It was so much fun making the most uncontrollable beings in the world and making him nothing more than a mindless slave.

Trixie: Fun not felt by the audience who are about to fall asleep.

Her aura entered Discord, sealing his fate.

Ditzy: (Sighs) Really? You would think that Discord would be able resist her no problem.

Trixie: It’s like this story is allergic to actually being eventful.

The transformation was, odd. His legs became serpent legs, as did all lamias,

Ditzy: Um, aren’t they suppose to have a tail, not legs?

but his upper half simple be came what looked like a dragon's. He must have been a dragon before he became the spirit of chaos.

Ditzy: Right before he fell into a vat of acid and become what he is today.

Then the Eclipse felt true pain. the metal that made up her crown dug it's way into her, warping around her bones.

Trixie: (Eclipse)(Hoarse) Yep. Totally worth it.

Her aura grew to encompass a yard in every direction. The wisps around her eyes became black. The whites of her eyes became red and her iris' became purple.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Bwahaha! Sure I was super powerful and bad before! But now I’m even worse.

Trixie: (Sighs) Has the author been reading Bleach recently?

Welcome to the kingdom, Snake," Eclipse almost laughed at how boring of a name that was.

Doctor: I would have gone with Bill, but that works too.

"How ever you want me to feel, my queen," Snake said with the same vigor that Discord used to have.

"Perfect, now go tell the others to improve everyone, but save at least 5 for me," Eclipse told her slave. Snake was silent as he went off.

Trixie: (Snake) Wait… I’m not allowed to talk to anyone but her. How can I possible do that?

Celestia was trapped. Darkness sealed her off from the rest of the castle.

Ditzy: And there weren’t any night lights to help her find the bathroom!

Who did this? As Celestia pondered that, she realized she could not sense Luna or Twilight. No, Celestia thought as her heart broke.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Who am I going to have slumber parties with now and talk about boys?

"Hello, teacher," Eclipse said as she walked into her privet chambers.

Trixie: Hello bad OC.

"I fear that you have come to turn me," Celestia said with a monotone. Inside she was heartbroken. The two ponies closest to her were taken by darkness.

Ditzy: Biggs and Wedge.

"That is correct," Eclipse said as her dark aura washed over the princess. Weakening her will.

Ditzy: Yep, it’s just that easy!

Eclipse's scales slithered up the sun princess' body, slightly choking her. Celestia shut her eyes, but Eclipse pulled them open forcing her to stare at Eclipse's tool of corruption.

Ditzy: (Coughs) So, is the fic suggesting she’s a futa now?

Doctor: Just… whatever. That would actually make this interesting.

Celestia hasn't lost full control, Eclipse thought as she said "You will always obey me, because I am your student,"

Doctor: (Celestia) That makes no sense whatever.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) J-just shut up!

"Always obey," The princess said as she lost more and more control.

All: (Sigh)

Doctor: Another day, another effortless conversion.

"Darkness will not hurt you," Eclipse said as her scales nearly stopped the ruler of Equestria from breathing.

Doctor: (Eclipse) I repeat: darkness will not hurt you. Say, want to touch these black flames? They’re pretty cool!

"Darkness will not hurt," Celestria drouled as her mind broke down, her feelings of heart break being to much to take. Game set match,

Ditzy: You rained on my cumulus!

Trixie: Stratego!

Doctor: (Eclipse) I win!

Eclipse thought as her aura crawled into the ruler of Equestria.

All: Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal!

Her legs became a snakes tale, her coat turned green, and her mane's colors changed to greens, purples, and blacks.

Eclipse felt a jolt of pain as her snake like mane became entangled with the dark metal that now flowed throughout her body. Part of her fur became black armor with jewels attached to it.

Ditzy: Ha! So now she’s even more omega super duper mega hax ultra supreme cool awesomeness!

"Let's get going, Venom," it feels amazing to finally be the one in charge, Eclipse thought as they teleported out.

Trixie: Excuse me, but that name is already copyrighted and Marvel is sueing you for every bit you’re worth.

Author's Note:

This is my favorite chapter yet. Anyway, please check for any typos, thankyou

Doctor: (Author) You really thought the Spirit of Chaos could beat my super amazing OC? Please, don’t make me laugh.

Chapter 14

Zecora cried. All of her friends had transformed into beings of darkness. Worse yet, there was nothing see could do.

Doctor: Because nothing can beat the power of darkness! Get it?! I don’t think the fic has made this clear enough yet!

None of her alchemy could reverse those transformations. I have to finish this brew, it is the only thing I can do,

Trixie: Yeah, drinking yourself into a stupor seems like a pretty good idea at the moment.

she thought as she continued to mix things into her potion. She knew it was finished when it turned green. This is my last hope, and my only way top cope, Zecora thought when she picked up the liquid, drinking all of it. She felt her skin changing first, becoming rock like.

Ditzy: Zecora is the Thing!

Then her mind started changing. Becoming more and more open to the idea that darkness is good.

Ditzy: Wait what? I thought she was turning into a statue.

Doctor: Yeah, darkness isn’t so bad, it just gets a bad rap is all. It’s actually a loving father and husband. It’s just a little hard to get to know.

As her bones grew, her critical thinking skills shrank.

Trixie: ...That’s way too easy.

Ditzy: Stop baiting us fic.

The zebra became nothing more then a tool. All according to plan, Eclipse thought as she slithered away with her new body guard.

Trixie: (Eclipse) Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

Ditzy: Give me break. What BS.

Doctor: I see the author avoided having Zecora speak to he won’t have to write any rhymes.

Clawdark was on a rampage. biting everyone in sight.

Doctor: It all was great! Well, until the dog catchers came and caught and muzzled her.

Ditzy: Bad Clawdark! Bad!

This is so much fun!Clawdark thought as she was running to Carrottop's field.

Doctor: (Clawdark) Who would have guessed that chasing after a ball and bringing it back would be so much fun!

"Clawdark," Eclipse shouted as she went over to the lycan. "Put this on, it will make you stronger," Eclipse said handing her the element of adamancy.

Trixie: (Eclipse) It will give you 10 more hit points.

Doctor: Clawdark got the Element of Close Mindedness and Bigotry!

"Is that the element of honesty?" Clawdark asked as he put on the necklace.

"It used to be," Commented Eclipse. "Here comes Carrottop."

Ditzy: Boss battle time!

"Right, give me a sec," Said Claw as she jumped on top of Carrottop, biting her.

A wave of power washed over Claw. Her claws became the same kind of metal that was around her neck.

Trixie: Plotdevicium!

"Huh, I guess it did do something," Claw said, "You go to the Everfree."

"Yes alpha," The new lycan said running off.

All: What?

Trixie: How is anypony suppose to read that?

"Thanks for the-" Claw stared to say, but Eclipse was already gone.

Ditzy: (Claw) I swear if she does that again I will nail her tail to the ground!

"How did it go master?" The golem asked.

"Fine, what is your name?"

"Rock my queen," replied Rock. That poison really did a number on her mind.

Doctor: No kidding.

Ditzy: I’m sure Maud is super jealous that name got taken!

Cloudkicker was busy controlling the weather when Ashburn lit her ablaze.

All: Oh hoo hoo!

Ditzy: One can not describe the hot n’ fiery passionate love they just made!

Her body burned as her mind screamed Water! Need Water! As if to answer her call.

Doctor: She found a water fountain nearby and quenched her thirst.

Cloudkicker's body became nothing more than animated water. With ice making up Wings and hooves.

Ashburn felt part of her flame considerate into a whip. The rest of her flame became a flame of darkness. Absorbing light instead of making it.

Ditzy: Making it very very hard to see where she was going.

Doctor: As if she didn’t crash into enough things.

"I think I'll call you Gel,"mused Ash as she trashed her new whip around.

Doctor: Now she’s got something really cool for her Daring Do cosplay!

"Thank you for the name chief,"Gel said as she gained a mark of a frozen cloud appeared on her forehead.

Ditzy: That’s weird.

Trixie: I hope she knows how it is hard to get a job with something like that on your forehead.

"Go to the Everfree,"demanded Ash.

Trixie: (Ashburn) And don't call me chief!

Ditzy: (Gel) Care to bang first? I would love to try this new body out.

Doctor: (Ashburn) Just...just go!

After Gel left, Ash burst into laughter.

Trixie: (Ashburn) That cutie mark on her forehead looks so stupid!

Chapter 15

Just how many are coming in? thought Archnea as she welcomed in another monster.

Ditzy: (Archnea) We don’t have the refreshments for this many monsters! It'll be a disaster!

"You look like you could use a break," Eclipse said slitheri'ng up to Archnea, "I'll take over here, you can go improve the rest of Ponyville."

Doctor: (Archnea) What? How is that a break? Can I at least get some lunch first?

Trixie: (Eclipse) Shut it! Less talking, more improving!

"I can't thank you enough," Archnea said with relief. "Is thank one of the elements of harmony?" She asked pointing to the necklace Eclipse had in her hoof.

"It used to be, if you put it on, it'll make you stronger,

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Without it, how will you be able to face to horrific challenges in front of us?

Doctor: Used to be?

Trixie: (Eclipse) Instead of the most powerful weapon in Equestria, now it is the ultimate piece of bling in Equestria!

Oh and can you give them all to the others?" Eclispe said handing the necklace to Archnea.

Doctor: (Archnea) What I am I, an errand spider now?

"Thank you my queen, and I will," Archnea said as she went off.

Trixie: (Archnea) Off to work hard on my much need break.

I wonder why Pinkie isn't here? Thought Mr. Cake as he prepared some candy for the customers out side. Mrs. Cake was on holiday along with the foals.

Ditzy: Good. I might have had stern words with the author if he started converting babies. Very stern words.

Trixie: Trixie would join you.

Violet decided that it would be best to make Mr. Cake go out side before improving him.

Ditzy: Converting ponies while they are working would be super rude!

Mr. Cake never takes time off of work, so I have to lure him out somehow,

Doctor: (Violet) I know! I’ll use a trail of cookies!

Thought Violet as she watched Mr. Cake work. Oh, I know I can just pull him out side with my skeletons. She flicked her hoof and Skeleton limbs ripped out of the ground forcing Mr. Cake to go outside without being able to say a word.

Ditzy: (Skeleton) Hey buddy you look tired and tense, take a load off. You don’t want to work yourself...to the bone!

Trixie: Ugh, kill me now please.

Ditzy: Oh come on. That was a good one!

Doctor: I have to agree. That was a bad pun. No bones about it.

Trixie: I hate you both.

"Hel-" was all he was able to scream before he lost feeling in his head. Then is neck. Then is lungs. Then is legs. Then his hooves. He was dead, and as his body shattered.

All: (Hum Super Mario death sound)

He was brought back as a spirit made of darkness.

Doctor: Maybe for once someone could be brought back as a spirit of light just to mix things up?

Violet felt a rush of power as her hoof grew and became a scythe. Witch then detached itself from her hoof. At the same time her cloak grew.

Doctor: So she’s a Death cosplayer now?

"Weclome to the kingdom, Spirit," Violet said as she dragged out the customer Mr. Cake was just serving,

Doctor: Somehow I thought this had hit the bottom of the well with terrible and uncreative names.

"Thank you for the greeting," Spirit said as a mark appeared of a scythe cut though a cake.

"Your welcome, now then, Archnea, it looked like you had something to say," Violet said as she turned and faced her.

"Master wanted to give this to you, do you mind if I take this one?" The archne said tossing the element of obsession to Violet.

Doctor: Violet spend the rest of her life in a house stroking her ‘precious’, refusing to go out.

"Thank you, and not at all," Archnea grinned as the helpless pony could do nothing as web was spun around her. Then the pony formerly known as Ditsy

Ditzy: Oh come on! So close!

slowly turned into a Archne, She grew more legs and her tail became a sack.

Ditzy: Boo! I wanted to be a mummy! That would be so much cooler!

Archnea felt power flow though her as the element of vanity's metal en-tagged itself with her legs.

Trixie: Making it impossible for her to walk now.

"How do you feel, Climb?" Archnea asked.

Ditzy: (Climb) It’s Ditzy actually. Otherwise I feel pretty good. Could really go for a muffin though.

"Great, am I free to go to the everfree?" replied Climb as a mark of bubbles wrapped in web appeared.

Doctor: And no, her eyes were not fixed.

"Yes," replied Archnea said. She looked around and realized Violet must have left.

Doctor: How rude!

Author's Note:

I will be making all of my chapters better over the course of the next day or so.

Trixie: (Jaw drops)

Ditzy: Oh! So we must be reading the super HD ultra edition!

Chapter 16

Eclipse laughed to herself as she prepared her spell.

Doctor: (Eclipse) It’s so fun being evil.

It took every last drop of dark magic she could muster along with alot of blood from each of her primary slaves, but it was worth it. With this, I can make new monsters without using that inconvenient cave.

Ditzy: And hopefully not the same six types of monsters maybe?

Eclipse thought as the spell completed. A object made of pure darkness formed into the shape of a tear. It was so dark that just being in it’s presence made Eclipse even stronger.

Ditzy: Now her power level is over 9000!

Trixie: Really?

Ditzy: Somepony had to use that joke eventually!

”Shade, get in here!” Eclipse called to the prince. A pillar of dark fire erupted in front of the master.

Doctor: (Eclipse) Just use the door. You leave scorch marks in the carpet when you do that.

”What do you need? master Eclipse,” The shadow dragon said as he felt the power of the artifact Eclipse just made. And what is that?”

Doctor: Spike, different form, different name, same job: ask questions for the audience.

”That is something that, if it makes contact with a pony, will improve them, much like the cave did, I call it, The Drop of Darkness.

Trixie: Real creative name.

Ditzy: What is the point when ponies are converted by just staring at stuff?

As for my request, I want you to go to the empire and convince cadance and Shining to touch it, drinking it is preferable, it makes it stronger,” The queen said as she wrapped the artifact in her tail and handed it to Shade.

”Sure, why not?” Shade said nonchalantly as he burst into flame.

Cadance and Shining were enjoying their restful day when a guard burst into the room.

“Your majesties, Queen Chrysalis is at our border and requests council.” The guard said painting.

“I think we should let her in,” Candace said to her husband.

“Why? She tried to turn me into a mindless slave!” Shining said back.

Doctor: (Cadance) Yes yes, but shouldn’t we learn to forgive and forget?

Trixie: (Shining) No!

“We also blasted her with a giant love spell, this is the last place she wants to be. If she is asking for help, it must be bad for her, too,” Candace responded and Shining, after taking a second nodded his head.

“Guard, let her in,” Shining said, the guard returned soon after with the Changeling Queen.

“Thank you for helping me,” was the first thing said. After a long pause she said, “I need your help with a choice I have to make.”

“What is it?” Candace asked.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) I’m redecorating and I want you to help me choose a new wallpaper.

“Simple, a dark force has risen and it will make us it’s mindless slaves,” The queen said.

Doctor: Wasn’t that your exact plan from before?

“Unless…” Shining trailed off expecting an answer.

“Unless we join it willingly, so that is my choice be mindless or be evil,” Chrysalis said grimly. “And before you say anything, what I did on that day was so my people didn’t starve.”

Doctor: (Snorts) You really think there are only two options?

Ditzy: Yeah, what about the Crystal Heart?

Trixie: Is it really too much to ask for somepony to fight back?

“I assume we have to make this choice as well,” Cadence said.

Ditzy: (Cadance) I got it! We just blast the buck out of this evil force with love! It worked last time.

“Yes,” Crysalis replied. There was a long time where no one spoke. To shocked at what has been laid out in front of them.

Trixie: (Cadance) Even though you are a bad guy, I completely believe you.

Until it was clear which choice they were going to make.

“So, you want me to get the artifact with which to turn as to darkness?” the changeling asked with a sigh.

“Yes,” Shining and Candace said together.

Ditzy: (Hopeful) So we can smash it to pieces as an act of defiance? Please?

Chrysalis left and returned with the Tear of Darkness in her magic. She dipped it into the tea in front of them and it turned jet black.

Ditzy: (Cadance) On second thought, nevermind! We have no idea where that’s been!

“On three, we all drink,” The queen said. Everyone nodded.

Doctor: Really? They just accept this?

Trixie: (Facehoofs)

“One, Two, Three!” They all shouted at once as they drank the dark liquid.

Trixie: (Cadance) Ugh, it tastes like black licorice. That monster!

Shining felt a bolt of power run through him. It shook his very being. It made him want to throw up. A another bolt hit him. And his legs gave out. Bolt after bolt hit his body as it changed. His legs disappeared and he grew scales. His now scaly body grew and his hooves became claws. The bolts slowed down and he grew carnivorous teeth. Water started to leak from his body until he was covered with it. His eyes turned dark as a leviathan was born into the world.

Ditzy: That’s cool I guess.

Trixie: (Shining) Anypony up for a game of Marco Polo?

Cadance felt a sharp pain in her wings. As she cried out in pain. The wings in question became attached to her front hooves. Her screaming continued as she grew talons. Her fur became feathers and her tail fell off, no longer needed. Fanhs grew from her screeching mouth. Her name Became a pattern of feathers and darkness as the first harpy was made.

Doctor: And yet she stayed a caring and loving wife.

Chrysalis smiled as her eyes became like Sombra’s. Her shredded mane became a fountain of a slow moving and black liquid. The rest of her remained static like what was promised in the deal she made.

Trixie: (Chrysalis) Ha! I don’t look like a Hot Topic Deviantart OC reject like the others.

“I assume this is to your liking, Shade,” The darkened changeling leader said.

Ditzy: Darkened? She’s already pure black, has a crooked horn, and has holes all over her! How much darker can she get?

Doctor: I am sure the author used about 30 pens to make a single piece of concept art for her.

”Yes, and thank you for making that deal, it made my life easier,” Shade said as he entered the room.

Trixie: Thank goodness those two were so gullible.

He noted that the two others were looking at them. ”You two, what are your names? They were both speechless as they tried to wrap their heads around what just happened.

Ditzy: It was that convoluted!

As his scales started to turn blue he said,

Ditzy: Thank Celestia! A color that isn’t black!

”Tide Scale, my prince,” The leviathan said as his eyes became the eyes of shadow and he started to hover off of the ground and his body flowed as if it were swimming. A mark of water shattering a shield appeared on his forehead as he was fully committed to the darkness.

Trixie: He started a newsletter about the benefits of being evil and how it can improve your life.

The harpies wings became jet black and her other feathers became blue as she screeched in a high pitched yell, ”Sharp Feather.”After she said this, a ravens tail grew and her eyes became dark. a small beak formed on her mouth and a mark of a feather stabbing a crystal heart formed on her wings.

”Very well, now, you three, go convert the empire, I will be here to help,” the prince said as he grabbed the tear and teleported it away.

Doctor: (Shade) I’ll start a 800 helpline.

Author's Note:

Well, this took forever to write, I am running out of names for the monsters so if you have any,. leave them in the comments. DFTBA!

Trixie: (Raises eyebrow) Just now you’re realizing this?

Chapter 17

Trixie awoke with a start.

Trixie: Oh come on!

Ditzy: Sorry Trix, but it’s your turn now.

Trixie: (Grumbles)

She tried to move, but she was chained up against a wall along with four other ponies. She tried to scream, but there was a gag around her mouth. She heard a slithering and was frightened out of her wits.

Trixie: Trixie has seen enough hentai to know where this is going...

”So, who wants to go first?” Eclipse said in a sadistic voice as she slithered out. She lifted the gags so her captives could respond.

Trixie: Me! Me! Ooooo! Oooo! Me!

Ditzy: No me!

Doctor: Hey what about me?!

‘Wh...Who are you?” The stallion to her left sputtered out.

”I’m glad you asked,” she activated her hypnotist. ”I am your queen,”

Ditzy: The Hypnotron 9000 will hypnotize anypony in a minute or less or your money back guaranteed!

“Of course you are,” the stallion said in a sudden monotone.

Doctor: But it didn’t hide the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

”Now then, let the darkness take you,” She said as her darkness surrounded her victim. His body shivered as his legs became a tail. Trixie was horrified as the transformation into a lamia was laid out in front of her. Scales grew over his body. His tongue became forked as Trixie tried not to barf.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I would have preferred it spooned instead! Or maybe sporked!

Eclipse felt a lisp grew as her ears shrank into her skull. She slithered around to the show mare with a evil grin on her face.

”I’ll think I’ll ssave you for last,” Eclipse said as Trixie was both happy and terrified.

Ditzy: (Giggles)

Trixie: Sure, Eclipse sounds really stupid now. How can one not laugh?

Doctor: Lisps are sign of true power!

As the queen moved around the prison cell. Converting everypony, sparing no one.

Ditzy: (Gasps) Even Bill from Accounting?! You monster!

Trixie must have barfed up 10 times what she had consumed in her life.

Trixie: (Trixie) When did I eat corn? I don’t remember eating that lately.

Finally, the queen made her way over to the show mare.

Trixie:It’s about time. Can we get this over with already? Someponies actually have a schedule to follow.

”Now then I have something sssspecial planned for you,” the queen spat out as she stabbed the mare with a special blade. Trixie’s body became very lax as she felt her body mass slide off.

Ditzy: She became the Incredible Melting Mare!

Her eyes seemed to roll into her skull, returning pure red. her coat turned to a pale blue as her ribs became visible. Her mane became black and flowed in a non-existent breeze. A dress of pure darkness formed around her as her coat slid off her now blue skin.

Trixie: She now had a promising career as a member of the Blue Pony Group.

Her mouth grew in length as she let out a bloodcurdling scream. The newly converted banshee awoke with a start,

Trixie: That’s dumb. Trixie wanted to be a vampire.

[color=#ADD8E]”What happened master?”

Doctor: Opps. A little BBcode problem there. Nothing more evil than that.

she asked as she started to hover off the ground.

”Nothing major, now tell me your name,” Eclipse dammeded.

Doctor: Just the eradication of everything you were into a mindless slave forever enthralled to darkness. No biggie.

”Shriek my queen,” she answered.

Trixie: The Spider-Pony villain?

”I like it, now then, come with me, I have a kingdom to address,” Eclipse said as she slithered away.

Doctor: (Eclipse) I have a dream of a word full of darkness! Where free will is a fleeting thought. I am the Queen of all. I have a dream where the light is forever snuffed out and darkness reigns supreme. I have a dream where ponies no longer have to fear death and disease to all live on eternally free from the chains of mortality and morality! I have a dream where ponies are free and everypony is free to do whatever they want. Say whatever they want...well unless I say so of course.

Author's Note:

Just two left

All: (Cheer)

Chapter 18

Eclipse walked into the cool night air and she was greeted with the cheers of her subjects. She smiled as she slithered into the middle of a clearing.

Trixie: And frowned when she realized they were only programmed to do that. None of this was real affection. They would never truely love her.

The other elements forming a half circle behind her.

Ditzy: It was time for an intense game of Duck Duck Goose!

Her green eyes looked at her subjects, eyeing every last one of them before speaking.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) That one pony over there is picking his nose. That’s disgusting! Doesn’t he realize he’s in public?

”My subjects, your do well to remember this day. For it is the day that darkness rises!” The queen said as elements stepped forward.

All: (Bored) Yay.

Ditzy: Wait a minute. What happened to her hissing her s’s?

”Clawdark, you shall oversee the improvement of Appleloosa, I think that you will enjoy this,” Eclipse said at the bowing lycan.

Doctor: (Clawdark) Yeehaw! Perfect timing. There’s a rodeo going on and I’ve been itchin’ for some hay bale stacking!

Trixie: (Eclipse) No! That part of your life is over! You do wolf things now! Stop trying to have fun with anything besides hunting and improving!

Doctor: (Clawdark) Aww….

”As you wish my queen,” Claw said right before her and her pack left.

”Archnea, go forth and conquer Canterlot, don’t leave anything behind!” The queen said her subject,

Doctor: (Eclipse) Yes, even Patchwork’s quilting club!

she bowed before taking off with the rest of her kind.

”Whatever you want, my queen,” Archnea said as she went off.

Ditzy: Archnea charged against Canterlot single hooved. She was slaughtered almost instantly.

”Draintooth, go infect Cloudsdale,” the vampire bowed before flying off with the rest of her kin. ”Violet Soul, go corrupt Manehatten,”Violet nodded at her queen before rushing off. ”Elementals, do as you wish,”

Trixie: (Elemental) Woohoo! Time to hit the bar!

they started to move before Eclipse said:”Except you, Ashburn.”

”What do you need me for? Ashburn asked, disappointed.

Doctor: (Eclipse) I need you to clean the toilets of my new castle. .

”That is not of your concern,” Eclipse shot out.

Trixie: (Ashburn) What should I do then? Stand around here and look pretty?

”Yes, my queen,” Ashburn responded, trying not to anger her.

Ditzy: She would start rolling on the ground and throwing hissy fits.

”Ashburn, next time I have to have an assembly like that, remind me to have Venom or Shade to do it for me,” Eclipse said, letting her persona of being perfect drop.

Doctor: Saw this coming. Soon Ashburn will find her queen sticking her face in hayburgers not caring how messy it makes her.

”I’ll make sure to,” Ashburn said. Did she just need me as an assistant? She wondered.

Ditzy: (Ashburn) Great. An eternality of filing, checklist making, and reorganizing here I come.

”Yes, that is exactly what I need you for,” Eclipse said, smiling. ”I need you not just to assist, but also as a witness.”

”A witness of what? Ashburn asked.

Trixie: (Eclipse) I’m going to marry Tide Scale. Since he isn’t technically my brother anymore it's fair game and not super weird and creepy... right?

”Of my ascension,” Eclipse said, waiting a few seconds before continuing. ”To divinity.”

Trixie: So next time the story will have her easily brainwashing Cthulhu and the other elder gods to her will?

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading.

Doctor: Hold on one second. Last chapter you said there were two chapters left.

Trixie: Are you complaining?

Doctor: No, but it’s still odd.

Ditzy: Still, that was...something.

Doctor: What a pointless story. It had no conflict whatsoever. Just evil wins. The end.

Ditzy: Yeah. No struggle or anything. Just evil wins.

Trixie: Were we not suppose to notice that every chapter is just the same freaking thing over and over again?

Doctor: And they just kept getting stronger, but for what purpose? Nothing can oppose them which the story made abundantly clear.

Trixie: (Snort) And now she’s getting Goddesshood.

Ditzy: To rule over a world where everypony hits their shins on tables because it's too dark to see anything.

Trixie: Let’s just get outta here.

---

Eclipse Shadow smirked. She found a new world. This was a new world for her to conquer and bring to the Darkness. She had no idea where that portal came from, but it hardly mattered at the moment. She looked around; it was dark. She was a creature of Darkness, but, so it didn’t matter. Seeing though the dark was a simple thing to her. She found herself in a garden. The colors and brightness of the flowers disgusted her, but she ignored them for the moment.

Eclipse walked into the nearest building and found herself in a corridor. While slithering through it, she came across several rooms. From the look of them, it definitely looked like somepony lived here. All the rooms looked like at least more than one pony lived here. She just needed to find who lived in them. They would be her new converts to the Darkness. She would use her magic to find them, but something was nullifying her magic. It was no match for her dark arts, but she was still weakened annoyingly.

Eclipse ironically brightened when she spotted a pony. The mare trotted up to a refrigerator and opened it. She looked tired and her mane was a mess. The sinister snake-beast was given quite a startle when she recognized the mare. It was Ditsy, a pony from her world. Well, she was one until Eclipse ‘improved’ her naturally. Eclipse marveled that she was in an alternate universe. One lost in the light. She would have to fix that.

Ditsy poured herself a glass of milk then took a swig of it. Eclipse nodded in approval that Ditsy didn’t just drink from the carton. She hated when ponies did that. It brought back memories of her brother doing that all the time. Eclipse shook her head. Her brother was gone. He was Tide Scale now. Her subject, her minion.

“Um, Doctor is that you?” Ditsy asked. Apparently, she noticed Eclipse’s presence. “Would you like some milk?”

Eclipse struck. At blinding speed, she rushed at Ditsy and wrapped around her.

It was so tight that Ditsy couldn't breathe. She stared at Eclipse with wide eyes. Eclipse bit into her neck. Ditsy yelped in pain.

Darkness seeped into Ditsy and she changed. Her body grew new appendages and her flank grew a sack. Her head expanded, and she grew a new set of eyes on her head. They were red and glowing. Her body turned black. In a few short moments, the transformation was complete. Ditsy was a spiderpony now. Eclipse bathed in the darkness emanating from her newly improved servant and she felt herself grow even stronger.

“Now what should I call you?” Eclipse pondered. “Hexx. Yes, that will be it.”

Hexx nodded enthusiastically. Nothing of the old Ditsy was left. She was Eclipse’s now. “I love that name!”

“Tell me, who else lives here? Where are we?” Eclipse asked.

“Just me, Trixie, and the Doctor. As for where we are… well, we are in some underground facility for what reasons I’m not really sure of.” Hexx answered. Eclipse had full control of her making it easy to learn anything from the mare.

Eclipse raised an eyebrow. “You’re trapped here?”

Hexx nodded. “Yep. By someponies named Dinky and Star Shot.”

Eclipse thought about this. It does explain the magic dampening field. “I want you to enhance the other two. I will look for a way out.”

Hexx looked skeptical but did as she was told. “Well... okay. Good luck.”

Eclipse smirked. "With my dark magic, I don’t need luck."

Hexx smiled happily as she traveled to her bedroom. She knew the Doctor and Trixie would be there. The boss gave her an order, and she planned on not screwing this up. It didn't take her long to arrive at her destination. She slowly opened the door and peeked inside and found her unsaved friends. The Doctor was sleeping on their queen size bed while Trixie was on a full size one next to it. The Doctor was sleeping with his mouth wide open and was snoring lightly. He looked rather cute that way. Hexx shook her head. This was not the time to think of such things. She was on a mission!

Hexx walked towards the bed. Unfortunately, one of her new six legs hit a book that was hidden in the darkness on the floor and she toppled over painfully. She rubbed her head and groaned. She looked up at her prey quickly. Thankfully neither sleeping pony woke from the commotion. Hexx sighed in relief.

Hexx looked down at the Doctor. She grinned maliciously with sharp teeth. He looked so tasty; filled with so much delicious blood. She couldn’t wait to improve him. She started drooling. She wiped her mouth with a hoof.

Hexx bent down towards the Doctor's open neck. This would be so easy. She didn't even need to tie him up with silk. Hexx could almost already taste his blood. Her teeth approached his neck, and she stopped. She didn't know why. She shook her head. She tried again, but Hexx felt some strange resistance. She didn't want to hurt this stallion.

No! Hexx thought. That’s silly. The boss ordered me to do it and I will!

Hexx tried again, but she stopped herself once again. Something deep inside her said this was wrong.

“No!” Hexx thought. “It can’t be wrong. The boss is never wrong! She’s perfect in every way and super all-powerful!”

Hexx looked down at the Doctor. Something in her heart said she wanted to protect this stallion at all cost. Wasn’t that a mare’s job? Hexx grabbed her head. This couldn’t be happening. She was a creature of the dark now. Ditzy was dead and gone and everything she loved and cared for was irrelevant.

Hexx dived towards the Doctor’s throat, this time with her eyes closed and with all the speed she could muster. She suddenly felt herself stop again. She looked down at the Doctor angrily. How could this stallion affect her so? She banged her head painfully against a nearby wall.

“No! No! No!” She yelled in her mind. “Ditzy is dead! Dead! Her feelings mean nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!”

Hexx felt herself shaking. She was losing. Ditzy was somehow stopping her. Hexx roared in rage. She drove towards the Doctor with complete abandon or tried to at least. She didn't even make it two hooves away this time. She fought with everything she had, but she just couldn't do it.

Hexx collapsed to the ground in tears. She started shaking again. She finally gave into the truth. She didn’t want to hurt the Doctor. She loved him so much. He was a brother and friend to her. How could she ever ever hurt him?

“No! You must!” A dark voice in her head said.

“I won’t!” Hexx cried back.

Hexx felt the Darkness in her press against her. Pushing, urging her to do her duty.

"Never." Hexx thought defiantly as she stood. "I won't let you control me any longer!"

"You will obey! The Darkness owns you. You are mine! Mine! Mine!" The voice ranted. Hexx collapsed to the ground. Her whole body hurt. It was punishing her for defiance. Her body felt like it was on fire. She screamed.

Hexx shook her head and struggled to stand back up on shaky legs. “No! I am Hexx— no I am Ditzy Doo and you do not own me. Not now. Not ever!”

The Darkness was the one to scream now. Ditzy felt something in her, something bright and warm. She embraced and welcome it. It made the Darkness vanish like a light switch being turned one. After screaming in agony, it was gone. Ditzy felt completely like herself again! She cried out in pure joy. She cried tears of pure joy.

“What is this racket?” Trixie complained. “Someponies are…” She screamed when she spotted Ditzy.

“Hmm?” The Doctor said blearily. He rubbed his eyes and froze when he saw Ditzy. “Ditzy, why are you a giant spider?”

“This can’t be!” Trixie exclaimed. “She’s a fanfic character! A fanfic character!”

Ditzy crossed her hooves. “Look, I don’t get it either, but that is what happened. Honestly, I’m a little glad this happened. It’s been nerve-wracking peaceful here, and it’s never peaceful around the Doctor.”

The Doctor glared daggers at Ditzy in annoyance, but decided to ignore her and addressed her other friend. “Trixie, have you heard of the multi-verse theory?”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Sure. There is a universe for every possibly. Every choice. But we are talking about somepony from a fanfic! A. Fan. Fic!”

The Doctor tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Ok, so it might seem unlikely, but it’s what happening despite our protests.”

Ditzy nodded. “Yeah! We have to stop her!” She motioned to herself. “And get me back to normal. Being a spiderpony is weird.” Controlling all her new limbs was difficult. She had to wonder: why does she keep getting transformed into stuff? At least she was pony-like this time.

“So what exactly are we going to do?” Trixie asked nervously. “You remember how powerful she was in the fic.”

“I’ll think of something.” The Doctor said confidently.

“That’s so reassuring,” Trixie replied sarcastically.

“Glad to hear it!” The Doctor smiled. “We should get going before Eclipse starts missing you Ditzy and before she actually finds a way out of here.”

Ditzy and Trixie gave a nod. Trixie was more hesitant but went along with whatever the Doctor said. Ditzy gave Trixie a reassuring pat on the back. Trixie looked at Ditzy with apprehension. Ditzy towered over her in this new form making Trixie a little uneasy. Ditzy gave the kindest smile she could summon.

"Trust the Doctor. We can do this! If I can beat her mind control, then she isn't unstoppable." Ditzy said. This seemed to lift Trixie's spirit.

Trixie smashed her hooves together. “Right. Let’s do this!”

Eclipse wandered around the main meeting room. The technology of this place was amazing. It used holograms for the interior design. That meant it look like anything the user wanted. However, as fascinating as it was, she was starting to get annoyed at the thickness of the wall’s protection. She stood in front of a half-destroyed wall. Circuits and wire lined the inside of it. Under the illusion of the holograms were plain gray walls.

Eclipse huffed as she used her dark magic to smash into the wall. The magic was a torrent of pure darkness and it tore into the wall. Unfortunately, it was very thick and even with her great powers she didn't make any leeway. If only her magic wasn't crippled by the anti-magic field.

“Pure force is useless for getting out of here, unsurprising.” A voice said behind her. Eclipse turned and saw a brown earth pony. Her eyes widened when she saw Hexx and Trixie behind him.

“What are you doing Hexx? Why didn’t you improve them?” Eclipse said baffled.

Hexx crossed her front legs. “Sorry, but you can’t and won’t let you control me any longer!”

Eclipse eyes widened. That was impossible. “Th-that can’t be! Ditsy is dead, gone forever!”

“Seems not.” The stallion said giving a mocking smile.

“Yep! I’m back to normal! Oh, and it Ditzy by the way.” Ditzy said smiling.

Eclipse’s face turned to one of fury. “No matter, this time I’ll make sure you’re gone. It was stupid of you to bring your friends here. It will make converting them so much easier.” Eclipse readied herself to strike. The stallion looked tasty. She would go for him first.

The stallion held up a hoof calmly. Eclipse held her attack curious about this. “Sure we could that. I’m sure you could strike me down in an instant and convert me with no problem at all, but where would be the fun in that? How about we make things more interesting?”

Eclipse tilted her head intrigued. “Explain.”

“I say we play a game. A competition. If you win, I’ll let you convert me without any resistance.” The stallion explained.

Eclipse smirked. He had no idea who and what powers he was dealing with. She could crush him like an insect. There was no need for this game at all, but she wanted to destroy his last remaining fleeting hope. “Very well. I accept.” She would shatter his will like she did to Luna. She could still recall her the hope and fire dying from the princess’s eyes. “We will play chess.”

The stallion waved a hoof. “Chess? No. Come on. That is way too cliché. I have a more interesting game in mind.”

“Fine. What?” Eclipse was confident she would pulverize him in anything that was chosen. She was the perfect being after all.

The stallion smiled. “I challenge you... to a dance off.”

As she let go of the new lamia, she said, “Welcome to the darkness, Slit.” Eclipse picked the name just to show that she was in charge.

Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 1

Hello again. This time we will be reading a fic called Book 1:Changing Patterns by natis120. This is a fic about a changeling OC that spends most of the fic angsting and suffering for one reason or another. Oh, and the Mane 6 are married and have kids for no real reason. And everypony is antro. Again for no real reason.

If you are interested, I just did a co-riff with Key Strix on the story The Survey by Sparrow9642 for Discord's Funtastic Theater 3000. It’s a silly horror story about an internet survey that, instead of wasting your time and giving false promises of winning a gift card, it kills you! You can find it here.

Next time I will be riffing a dark fic called Night Fall Equestria by FLUTTERxxDASH. A fic I actually found enjoyable despite the ridiculous ultra violence, (non-pony) swearing, and less than great grammar. I also found a Doctor Whooves fic that I will be doing soon. It’s called Doctor Whooves: Impossible Portal by Splat. I hope you enjoy the rif!

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction account. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Thank you natis120 for letting me use your fic! You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 26 - Part 1

Eclipse Shadow blinked in bewilderment. “You want a dance… off?”

“Exactly!” The Doctor grinned a wide smile.

“Very well.” Eclipse said after a few moments. What is he playing at? No matter. As Twilight Sparkle, I was unparalleled on the dance floor. This pony has just signed his death warrant. She tried hard to not seem too satisfied with herself.

“How about we up the ante a bit?” The Doctor said. “Let’s do a magical contract!”

Eclipse tilted her head. “A what?”

“You know, a contract that binds the ones that signed it. As you would expect, something horrible happens to the one that breaks it.” The Doctor explained. “My idea is that loser is forced to do whatever the winner wants. Within reason of course. So, if you win, I promise to become your willing slave!”

“And if you win?” Eclipse asked.

“Oh, nothing too much I promise!” The Doctor grinned.

Eclipse felt a wave of uneasiness. This stallion was up to something. She narrowed her eyes. “What is it?”

“You lose your ability to use dark magic, forever.” The Doctor said in an offhoofed manner. “Nothing really compared to what I might lose.”

Eclipse actually started to feel herself get nervous. If she lost, it meant she lost everything. She would be useless, powerless. This stallion wasn’t playing around despite his tone. Eclipse shook her head. There was no way she could agree to that.

“Oh, come on.” The Doctor said disappointedly. “How about this then? If all three of us, Ditzy, Trixie, and I all defeat you in a game, then you still lose your powers. But! If even one of us loses, we all become your willing servants for life! How does that sound?”

Eclipse almost laughed. Can he really be that stupid? He had Trixie of all ponies on his side. And he had that bubble head mailmare as well. What a desperate, hopeless gambit. “Very well. You have a deal. I’ll take any challenge! If it is okay with them?” Ditzy and Trixie nodded in grim determination.

The Doctor clapped his hooves together. “It’s a deal then! As I said before, I will challenge you to dancing. How about you Ditzy?”

“I challenge you to a kitting off!” Ditzy grinned a wide smile.

“Really?” The Doctor asked. “I thought you would challenge her to poker.”

Ditzy waved a hoof dismissively. “I could true, but I think a knitting contest would be more fun! And I’m a spider now, so it kinda fits.” She gestured to her spiderpony body that was transformed by Eclipse’s dark magic.

Knitting. Eclipse winced and scowled. Why did I have to say any challenge? Oh well, even if I lose it, I still only need to win one.

Trixie grinned. “Trixie will take poker then.”

“How about that? Hm?” The Doctor asked.

Foals. Eclipse smirked. “You have a deal!”

You actually know how to make a magical contact Doctor?” Trixie asked.

The Doctor nodded. “It actually isn’t that complicated. It just required signing a piece of paper with your blood and vowing death if you break the contract. Blood magic is pretty powerful and potent. It’s not something you really want to play around with.”

“Where the hay did you even learn this?” Trixie asked amazed.

“It’s a long story.” The Doctor said. “Let’s just say it involved a nasty encounter with some Flutter Ponies.”

What? Eclipse thought bewildered.

The Doctor spent a few minutes writing out a contact that Eclipse and the Doctor both agreed on. Eclipse was very careful to avoid any loopholes the Doctor might try to exploit. She knew the contract was bound by the letter of the law, not the spirit. Obviously anypony bound by this type of contract would seek out ways to exploit it without technically breaking it. They all pricked their hooves and signed the paper in blood. Eclipse could feel the powerful magic at work here. The Doctor was not kidding about the dangers of breaking this contract. She wondered if the Doctor was trying to trick her into doing such. He was a foal if he thought she would fall for that.

The Doctor stretched as he prepared himself for the contest. Eclipse stood still observing him. He was her most dangerous opponent, that she was sure of. She felt warning bells in her head telling her not to trust him one bit. It was odd just how confident and sure he was considering the situation. Ditzy and Trixie were at least a bit nervous, but he was cool and relaxed, like having the threat of eternal servitude was just like any other day.

“Ready.” The Doctor said in a cheerful tone after getting done with his exercises.

“Ready when you are.” Eclipse smirked.

Octavia and DJ-Pon3 stood by the sidelines to judge their performance. Somehow Ditzy convinced them to judge their little contest after she entered the portal to Eclipse’s world. To Eclipse’s dismay, the two weren’t improved yet, but she knew she would blow them away with her suave moves.

The Doctor clapped his hooves together. “This is called Venusian Ka. It’s meant to be performed by a being with five arms and legs, but I can show that even a quadruped can do it.”

The ears of the judges perked up when he said this and they watched him intently. He waved to Vinyl who worked a turntable and a loud energetic song played.

The Doctor started a strange elaborate dance with hypnotic skill and grace. He spun his body in the air like a top and somehow landed on his hooves to crouch without missing a single step. He did a flip and landed one hoof and held himself in the air. The Doctor grinned like a foal and propelled himself into the air into a backflip and landed on one of his bottom hooves with perfect balance standing upright. He landed back on four hooves and went into the dance he was doing before only backwards. He used the same flips he did before only in reverse and ended his dance with the same step he started with. Eclipse’s jaw dropped. His audience gave an enthusiastic applause.

“Wow Doctor!” Ditzy exclaimed. “That is really impressive for somepony that used to be a biped only a year ago!”

…What? Eclipse thought baffled.

“I’ve had plenty of time to practice.” The Doctor explained. “When you literally nothing to do all day, you start to get a little creative to keep your mind busy.”

“Not bad.” Trixie admitted. “The Great and Powerful Trixie might want to use you in an act one day. Not as impressive as what Trixie would have done of course.”

Everypony looked at the judges. Octavia gave the Doctor a 10 and Vinyl an 8. The Doctor gave Vinyl an inquisitive look and she just shrugged in return.

The Doctor gave Eclipse a graceful bow. “Your turn.”

Impressive, but you only got a 10 and an 8. That is nothing to me! Eclipse smirked. All eyes turned towards her and they watched her intently.

Eclipse waved her tail back and forth with as much vigor as could muster. Her body moved to an intense rhythm with no discernable pattern. Her hooves were waved with harsh back and forth motions. She closed her eyes while she wiggled spastically, lost to everything around her. Her tongue poked out of her mouth and she has a wide smile on her face. After five minutes her dance came to an end, and she faced her judges grinning. Trixie’s shocked expression pleased her. The Doctor was smiling for some reason and Ditzy stared wide-eyed.

Octavia put her face and her hooves and shook it back and forth. She gave Eclipse a 0. Vinyl rubbed her temple and gave a -3.

“What?!” Eclipse exclaimed in surprise. “That was perfect!”

“Doctor, I think you undersold Sparkle’s dancing ability.” Trixie finally said. “I think that should be called anti-dancing!”

“It was like she was having an epileptic fit!” Ditzy pointed out. The Doctor just grinned.

Eclipse ground her teeth. These ponies had no idea what they were talking about. No account of taste she guessed. Fine. Whatever. She still had two rounds left.

“My turn!” Ditzy exclaimed and pulled out a ball of yarn.

Eclipse grabbed one herself. “What should we make?”

“Something simple.” Ditzy stated. “How about a scarf?”

"Fine by me.” Eclipse said. That doesn’t sound so bad. Even if I don’t have any skill in knitting, I should be able to handle this no problem. It was only a bunch of squares in a straight line. How hard could it be?

“This is my entry!” Ditzy presented a white scarf with happy little bees pollinating yellow flowers. It had pink tassels at the end. Octavia and Vinyl nodded in approval.

“It’s very cute.” Trixie commented.

“You’re pretty good at that.” The Doctor commented.

“Ah thanks.” Ditzy smiled. “My mom taught me. It’s a bit of a hobby.”

The Doctor clapped his hooves together. “So, how did you do Eclipse?”

Eclipse winced and presented what she created. Her entry barely looked like a scarf. It was grey and has several giant holes in it and. When drawn out to its full length, it looked more like an erratic wave than a straight line. All the tassels were even and straight and Eclipse was proud of that at least.

Trixie burst out into laughter and Eclipse glared at her. “Nice scarf, Sparkle! Were you blindfolded and drunk while making it?”

The Doctor laughed as well and Ditzy tried and failed to control a snicker of her own. The judges just shook their heads and gave Ditzy’s scarf a red ribbon. Eclipse gritted her teeth. These foals were so sure of themselves, but the real trial was about to begin!

“Oh no! Trixie has lost again!” Trixie lamented, putting a hoof to her head. She threw her cards to the table dramatically.

Eclipse smirked. This wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. So far Trixie had lost every hand so far. Of the 100 chips she started with, Trixie lost 25 of them. So far so good. Eclipse had a hard time not grinning. Trixie just was just the idiotic fool Eclipse thought she was.

Trixie folded the next two hands right away, and now on this hand was looking at her cards with open dismay. This was actually getting to be pretty fun. Not as fun as her chess game with Princess Luna, but enjoyable nonetheless. The self-deluded illusionist wasn’t putting up as much of a fight as Luna did.

“You might as well give up now. You have no chance of winning, Trixie. You don’t have to fear the darkness, I promise you will grow to love it. You will be immortal and powerful; better than the pitiful third rate magician you are now.” Eclipse explained. Now it was time to break her.

Trixie gritted her teeth. “Trixie is not over yet!”

Eclipse looked at her hand. The two cards Octavia gave her now provided her with three 2s. “I raise 10 chips.”

Trixie scrutinized her hand and threw in ten chips herself. She frowned. “I’ll call that.”

One a roll Eclipse decided to raise again. “I raise 10 more chips.”

“I-I call that.” Trixie stammered and threw in more chips. This would leave her with only 50 chips, if she lost.

Eclipse threw her hand down. “Three of a kind! Beat that!”

Eclipse eyes widened when Trixie suddenly smirked. “A flush.” Her hand had all spades

Eclipse winced. She got cocky. No matter. She would win it back and that would be easy

enough.

Trixie laughed. “Trixie isn’t out of the game yet.”

Eclipse tapped the table in a nervous gesture. Somehow the game was going horribly wrong for her. Her pile of chips was getting smaller and smaller. After her first big loss, the whole game changed. Trixie somehow knew her hands and trounced her every time she tried to bluff.

How was it possible the game went south so quickly? Was Trixie just playing

dumb the first few hands? She had a good hand now. Maybe this was a good time

to gain some chips back.

“I raise 10 chips.” Eclipse said.

“I fold. “Trixie said and gave Octavia her hand.

Eclipse scowled. So much for that hand.

“Problem, Sparkle?” Trixie taunted.

“It’s Eclipse Shadow now.” Eclipse growled.

“Whatever.” Trixie waved a dismissive hoof.

You little. Eclipse had forgotten just how annoying the magician was. It was difficult to not reach over the table and strangle the unicorn. She forced a smile.

“Really Sparkle you shouldn’t be so surprised.” Trixie laughed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has a multitude of talents. You’ve only good at magic. It’s no comparison which the better between the two of us.”

Eclipse ground her teeth as she put her bid forward and realized that she didn’t even take a glance at her cards. She had nothing but she just bid 15 clips by accident.

“I call that.” Trixie said smirking and put her clips in the pot.

“Three cards.” Again, Eclipse got nothing but junk. “I fold.”

Now Eclipse was ready to punch Trixie for the smug look on the magician’s face. No, that is what she wants. She’s trying to throw you off your game. Eclipse counted her pile. There were only 20 clips left. She was going to... No! She was the Queen of Darkness Ruler of All! She could not lose everything to a silly poker game, to Trixie of all ponies! It was inconceivable! Impossible!

The next few hands went a bit better, but Trixie still had an overwhelming advantage. Trixie, as it turned out, had a masterful poker face and it was impossible to tell what her cards were. One thing though, Trixie loved rubbing her victories in Eclipse’s face and had a smug grin whenever she won. It was hard not to grind her teeth in frustration.

To Eclipse’s dismay, she only had 15 chips left and to horror realized that she might lose this. No! She could win! She beat Nightmare Moon and Discord, right? A lame street magician was nothing, but back then she had… No! They were irrelevant. She had power now that made her more powerful than she ever was with them, but yet… She wanted them next to her now. Their comforting words and cheers. She would give anything to have that now. She was alone. All the sudden she felt so small. Like an ant facing a giant. How did she ever beat Nightmare Moon? She was just a filly! No! No! No! She was the Queen of Darkness! Losing is impossible for her! She couldn’t lose! She cannot lose!

Eclipse slammed her hoof the table. “How about we make things interesting and have one last hand. Winner takes all. Best hand wins!”

Everypony looked at Trixie and she grinned. “Fine by me.”

Doctor clapped his hooves together. “This should be interesting.”

“I hope Trixie knows what she’s doing.” Ditzy said with worry.

Ha! I knew her ego would make it impossible to resist a final showdown. Eclipse thought. This was her last shot and she couldn’t waste it.

You have got to be kidding me. Eclipse’s hand was a 2 of spades, 7 of spades, 8 of spades, Jack of Clubs, King of Clubs. She has nothing. She was going to… lose? No! That will never happen. She still had a chance.

“Not bad at all.” Trixie said grinning looking at her cards.

No! She’s got a good hand. I have nothing. It would take a miracle to win now. Eclipse thought in growing horror. No! No! No! No! No! No! I will not lose. I am the Queen of Darkness! Equestria fell to my might! The princesses were like weak foals compared to me! Discord? Nothing! The Element of Harmony bend my will alone! Losing is impossible for me! I can’t lose to this pathetic fourth rate unicorn! I am unconquerable!

“Three cards.” Eclipse said. She broke out in mad laughter when she saw them; an Ace of Clubs, a Ten of Clubs, and a Queen of Clubs!

“Royal Flush!” Eclipse threw them to the table for everypony to see. She won! No hand can beat that! Somepony like her could never fail. Never lose! These pathetic foals couldn’t beat her! Nopony could! She was a goddess!

“Uh, what are you talking about?” Trixie asked eyebrow raised. “You have nothing.”

Eclipse looked down back at her cards. No. It couldn’t be. On the table was the Jack of Clubs, King of Clubs, 7 of Spades, 3 of Spades, and a 5 of Hearts.

Eclipse stood up and pointed a hoof at Trixie. “Lies! You used your magic to change the cards somehow!”

Everypony in the room looked at each other than Eclipse. “What are you talk about?” Ditzy asked. “You never had a royal flush. I saw your cards the moment they hit the table.” Vinyl and Octavia nodded.

“No! It’s lies! It has to be! I can’t lose! I never lose! I am the invincible Eclipse Shadow! Ruler of all creation! Goddess of Equestria and the world!” Eclipse screamed.

Trixie put her cards down. She had a full house. “Sorry sister, but game over.”

Eclipse screamed in pain at a horror she never knew. She felt her power leaving her. Darkness leaked from her body as if she was full of holes. Eclipse grabbed her body tight with her tails and hooves trying to stop it. This couldn’t be happening. It was flowing so fast she couldn’t stop it. She hugged herself so tight it hurt, but it did nothing. She reached out to the darkness as it dissipated in the air. No! It couldn’t leave her. It was all she had left. Without it she was nothing! Had nothing! No friends! No family! No…anything. She was an empty pathetic shell. Eclipse screamed and wailed even more. It was over! She was nothing! Had nothing!

Eclipse curled into a ball and sobbed. She felt a hoof on her back. Eclipse looked up. It was hard to see through her tears, but…no…it couldn’t be. Trixie would never…

“It’s going to be okay.” Trixie soothed and rubbed Eclipse’s back.

“No, it’s not!” Eclipse wailed. “I’m nothing now.”

Trixie gave a sad smile. “You? Never! You are the strongest mare Trixie knows. You can overcome anything.”

“Just leave me alone.” Eclipse turned away.

“I’ve been where you’re at.” Trixie said sitting behind Eclipse. “Remember the alicorn amulet? It made me a little crazy too. I thought back then that nopony would ever forgive me for that, but you did, Sparkle.”

“I don’t think I have ever told you how much that meant to me.” Trixie continued. “You saved me.”

Eclipse sniffled, but said nothing.

“I know we don’t really get along, but I still think of you as a friend.” Trixie smiled. “I forgive you, Twilight. Please, turn back into the same silly little mare that beat Nightmare Moon and Discord. You don’t have to be alone. I’m here for you. We are here for you.”

Trixie gestured to all of her friends. They gave Eclipse warm smiles. Eclipse felt something warm in her belly. No, it was her chest. It was familiar somehow. It reminded her of… Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack. This was the warmth she felt the day she… no they beat Nightmare Moon. She didn’t want to lose this feeling. Not again. Why did she ever give it up? She had friends now. She didn’t need the darkness. All it gave her was coldness and loneliness. What was the use of being all powerful if she was alone?

Eclipse…no, Twilight Sparkle felt herself lifting off the ground. The crown on her head glowing. It was time to make things right. A wave of rainbow light flooded the room. When Twilight Sparkle landed on the ground, she was back to being a plain old unicorn again. Ditzy was back to her old self as well.

“You're back!” Ditzy ran up to Twilight and gave her a big hug.

“I knew you could do it, Twilight.” The Doctor smiled. “All we needed was a way to reach out to you.”

“Thank you, Trixie.” Twilight said with a genuine smile on her face.

Trixie rubbed her cheek embarrassed. “Trixie promises you it was only a onetime thing, Sparkle. I am never making a cheesy friendship speech again. The Great and Poweful Trixie has better things to do than save your flank.”

Twilight laughed. “Sure thing, Trixie.”

“Ugh, the half-witted illusionist is right. I almost lost my brunch with that sickening speech of hers.” A voice said.

A strange figure appeared in a flash. He was this strange combination of a serpent and a dragon. It was somepony that Twilight instantly recognized.

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Discord.”

“Correctamundo!” Discord clapped his hooves together. “I was worried that all that dark magic might give you brain damage.”

“Just as I thought. Eclipse’s magic didn’t really affect you, did it?” The Doctor accused also narrowing his eyes.

“Ding ding ding.” Discord turned back into his original form in a puff and confetti, streamers, and pies rained on the Doctor who looked less than amused. “Like that little upstart’s magic could work on me. Please.”

“And you are the one behind the portal.” The Doctor accused while wiping pie off himself.

“You are a smart one, Doc!” Discord praised. A dunce cap appeared on the Doctor’s head.

“Wait a second!” Trixie fumed. “If you had your powers all along, why didn’t you stop Eclipse?!”

“Ugh, that’s far too much work.” Discord said dismissively. “Besides, I thought it would better to get a professional. And who is more equipped to solve this than “The Doctor”!” A long multicolored scarf appeared, wrapped around the Doctor’s neck and covered almost his entire body. A swirling blue backdrop appeared behind him strange haunting music played. The Doctor tried and failed to get rid of the surrounding scarf.

Everypony in the room glared at Discord. “What? It worked, didn’t it?” He said in his defense. Twilight put her head in her hooves. Typical Discord.

“As fun as it is to chat with the Three Stooges here, don’t you think you’re forgetting something? Something important?” Discord asked tapping Twilight hard on the head.

“My friends! They’re still being controlled by dark magic!” Twilight exclaimed. She then felt herself being picked up by giant tweezers and placed into a sled pulled by flying mongooses.

“If you will excuse us, we really need to get going.” Discord said grabbing the reins of the sled. “I have tea with Fluttershy tomorrow and I would rather not want to miss it.”

“Wait! What about us?!” Trixie exclaimed. “Take use with you! Or at least get us out of here!”

“No can do!” Discord said shaking the reins. The sled moved towards a blue swirling portal that suddenly appeared in the sky. “It’s far too amusing to have you stuck here! Tata!”

Twilight glared at Discord. “Discord!”

“Fine, I will send them some coupons in the mail or something.” Discord relented. “That should pay them handsomely. And I should know, I am the most handsome being the multiverse!”

“At least get Octavia and Vinyl!” Twilight yelled.

“What do I look like a taxi driver?” Discord asked rolling his eyes, literally. Twilight continued to glare at him. “Fine!” With a snap Vinyl and Octavia appeared on the sled behind them.

“Thanks for everything!” Twilight said as they entered the portal waving at her new friends. She hopes they would be okay.

“And that’s when they left to save her friends!” Ditzy explained. She had just spent the last twenty minutes explaining their adventure to Dinky.

“Yeah and leaving us high and dry!” Trixie said with bitterness.

“Not that it was much of a surprise coming from him.” The Doctor sighed.

“Trixie is going to wring his neck the next time I see him!” Trixie exclaimed pounding a hoof on the ground.

Ditzy shook her head at Trixie’s ability to keep a grudge.

“Doctor, how do you keep getting yourself in these situations?” Dinky asked sighing.

“Comes with the territory.” The Doctor shrugged. Ditzy nodded in agreement.

“Okay, with all of that now out of the way, today you will be reading Book 1: Changing Patterns by natis120. Chapters 1 through 4.” Dinky said.

“Book 1?!” Trixie exclaimed. “How many books are there?”

“Enjoy.” Dinky gave off her evil laugh as usual. The experiment alarm blared off.

“Book 1, huh?” Ditzy said ponderously. “Is this going to be like Avatar and be a long running story that spans multiple epic arcs?”

“Yeah right.” Trixie waved a dismissive hoof. “You’re expecting too much from nas-whatever.”

“Ready?” The Doctor ask. Ditzy and Trixie nodded, and they entered the theater.

Hello my name is Poison Ivy

All: Hi, Poison Ivy.

Ditzy: Oh! Is this a Batpony crossover fic? Neat!

Trixie: You wish it was that.

and this is my story.

Ditzy: (Poison Ivy) This is my story. It'll go the way I want it...or I'll end it here!

In a land far away from Equestria, lived a changeling queen whose heart was as black as night.

Ditzy: But gave generously to charities and worked part time at the homeless center.

Her name was Chrysalis and she had a daughter who was kind and caring,nothing like her.

Doctor: Isn’t that always the thing?

Her name was Poison Ivy.

Trixie: Yes, we know! You said that already!

Ditzy: You realize you have a villain name right?

Chrysalis hatted the fact that her daughter was never going to be the evil queen that she was and considered her useless.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) The fact you don’t regularly eat kittens shames me! I have no daughter!

On her sixteenth birthday,Poison Ivy asked her mother if she could move to Equestria for a change.

Ditzy: Oh! Because she’s a changeling! Get it! Ha!

Trixie: So she could perform on *Broadway!***

Sensing an opportunity to get rid of Ivy,Chrysalis said yes.

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) You better get a job! And don’t expect any money from home. You’re on your own!

Poison Ivy could not have been any happier. She instantly spread her large wings and took off to Canterlot.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) This is perfect! Now I can use her old room as a sewing room!

Upon reaching Canterlot,Ivy noticed that they were no changelings around

Trixie: How could you tell? You all use disguises!

and decided to transform into a lilac alicorn.

Trixie: Like she wasn’t already a bad OC stereotype.

But little did she know that they were only four alicorns in Equestria.

Doctor: Curry, Moe, Larry, and Shemp.

Ivy landed near the gates of Canterlot Castle. A unicorn guard looked at Ivy with wide eyes,Ivy hot the guard a deadly glare which only made him stare even more.

Trixie: (Guard) Get the virgin sacrifices! We have another alicorn to please!

"What?!" She finally snapped.

The guard just stood there for a few seconds before snapping back to reality and opening a door leading inside the castle.

"Follow me M'lady." He said before walking inside the door.

Ivy shrugged and followed the guard inside the castle.

Trixie: (Chrysalis) Bwahaha! I completely forgot to teach her about stranger danger

Inside the door it was pitch black but was soon illuminated by the guard's horn.

Doctor: The princess’s are too cheap to have electricity running through anywhere but their rooms.

Ditzy: They have to play COD somehow right?

"Come" He said as he walked through a small alley connected to the room they stood in.

Doctor: (Guard) We call it Crime Alley.

"If you say so..." Poison Ivy said as she followed the guard into the passage.

"So where exactly are we going?" She asked looking at the guard,his horn still glowing in the dark alley.

"To the Royal Sisters." He said with a serious expression.

Doctor (Guard) They don’t like new alicorns moving in on their turf.

Ivy stopped,dead in her tracks. She had heard horrible stories about the so called royal sisters back at the the hive. In one of them,the Royal Sisters defeated her long lost father, King Sombra.

Trixie: You have got to be kidding me.

Doctor: (Facehoofs) It’s one of those stories then.

"NO," She stomped. "I don't want to see the Royal Sisters,they killed my father!" Her face was lit a bright shade of red from anger and her horn was surrounded by a faint white aura,this went unnoticed by the two ponies.

Ditzy: They aren’t very good at their jobs.

"As long as know,Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have harmed no stallion!" The guard shouted,his brow furrowed.

Doctor: What an odd thing to say.

Ditzy: (Guard) They would never hurt the fairer sex.

"I never met my father because of them and now they are going to pay for it!" Her horn now shone a blinding white aura.

Trixie: (Ivy) Because of them, I’m an angsty teenager with daddy issues!

The aura flowed freely and covered her body until her mane and tail were whipping wildly next to her.

Ditzy: She became Super Saiyan Poison Ivy!

The guard just stood there,his mouth agape in shock. He finally snapped out of his trance and broke into a gallop to the throne room.

Ditzy: Useless, as usual.

Doctor: You’re really mean to them.

Ditzy: As I should be! It’s their job to protect everypony! They should be the one saving the day, not us!

Where he finally got to the throne room he swung the doors open to reveal Princess Celestia and Princess Luna having a casual conversation.

Doctor: (Celestia) I’ve always found that prunes are the best way to treat constipation. I would suggest drinking prune juice every morning, sister, then your problem should be gone.

"You're majesties!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "I need help,apparently there is a fifth alicorn and she is out of control!"

Ditzy: (Celestia) Don’t look at me!

Doctor: (Celestia) Get Twilight Sparkle, let her handle this!

Celestia and Luna both lifted an eyebrow, "And where is this ''out of control alicorn''Flash Sentry?" Princess Luna asked.

"In the Canterlot Caves you're majesty."Flash answered.

Trixie: (Flash) It’s a massacre! I barely made it out alive!

Celestia and Luna looked at each other and nodded. "Stay here,we will deal with this ''fifth alicorn.'' Princess Celestia said.

Doctor: (Celestia) Fifth alicorn. It’s probably just a pegasus with a cone on her head.

"Yes M'am!" Flash saluted.

"Good,now come sister we must see this "fifth alicorn" and have a talk with it." Princess Luna said.

The sun princess nodded and ran to the Canterlot Caves,her sister behind.

Doctor: Why exactly are they meaning a new Alicorn in a dank cave? Seems a little rude.

Trixie: No blood ruining the finery if it comes to a fight.

The first thing the sisters heard when they entered the caves were growling noises and screams of pain,then they saw it.

Ditzy: Ivy was having some serious constipation issues. Gonna need like a gallon of prune juice.

The lilac alicorn sprawled in the floor,her mane a tangled mess and a faint white aura surrounded her horn.

Princess Celestia gasped and hurried next to the traumatized alicorn.

Doctor: (Ivy) I just… read Fifty Shades of.... Hay… how can tripe like this become so… popular?

"Calm down," Celestia comforted. "It will be alright."

Instantly,the faint glow on Ivy's horn disappeared and she looked up into Celestia's soft eyes.

"You..." Ivy gasped. "You killed my father!"

Doctor: (Ivy) My name is Poison Ivy. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Celestia looked back at Luna;who just shrugged;and then back at Ivy.

Doctor: Huh, not even a little phased by that accusation?

"What ever are you talking about,dear?" Princess Celestia asked softly.

Trixie: (Celestia) Do you have the *slightest** idea how little that narrows it down?*

"You killed my father!" Ivy repeated. "I heard the stories back at home!"

Ditzy: (Celestia) That’s so cool! I want to hear them!

Doctor: (Luna) Storytime! Storytime!

Trixie: (Ivy) ...

Celestia cocked an eyebrow,"Who is your father?" she finally asked.

"King Sombra!" Ivy boomed. "And my mother is Queen of changelings,Queen Chrysalis!" Celestia and Luna both gasped.

Ditzy: (Celestia) That is the stupidest backstory for an OC I have ever heard!

"So you are the daughter of Queen Chrysalis?" Princess Luna asked with a frown in her lips.

"Yes and you are my father's slayer," Ivy boomed. "I demand to know why you banished him!"

Ditzy: I thought you said they killed him?

Princess Celestia nodded and explained. "Your father was a very bad pony. He enslaved thousands of crystal ponies and killed whoever tried to escape from his command."

Ivy picked herself up and sat in her haunches. She listened carefully to Celestia.

"Ten years ago,King Sombra tried to take over the Crystal Empire again but failed. My former student and her friends defeated him with the Elements of Harmony." She explained.

Ditzy: Uh, no. Spike used the crystal heart to kick his flank!

Doctor: That isn’t what happened either.

"So my dad was a bad pony,like my mom?" Ivy asked.

Trixie: (Ivy) I am going to triple angst about this latter.

"Sadly,yes." Princess Luna said,"But enough about Sombra,tell us about you." she pointed to Ivy. "You are clearly no ordinary pony."

Doctor: Forget about your dead father. How have you been?

"Yes I know." Ivy said. "I don't know how to control my powers.

Trixie: (Ivy) I keep transforming into potted plants by accident. It’s really embarrassing.

Back at the hive,everypony called me names and teased me because every time my powers got out of control,I pulverized somthing." Ivy fell face first to the floor,"I'm useless." she muttered.

Trixie: (Mocking) Oh, don’t you feel so sorry for me? Oh spare Trixie!

"You are not useless...umm...what's your name,dear?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Poison Ivy." She said,muffled by the floor.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Owen Navy? Odd name for a changeling.

"Well Poison Ivy,I will send my guards to escort you to Ponyville so my former student;Twilight Sparkle;can teach you to your powers.

Trixie: (Celestia) I’m sure you’ll make an excellent test subje—… er I mean student.

I'm sure you will be pleased with the results."

Ditzy: Or your money back guaranteed!

Explained Princess Celestia.

Doctor: (Celestia) And she’s a better target for your revenge!

Ivy got up from the floor and looked into Celestia's soft eyes once again.

Doctor: Those beautiful deep eyes.

"But where will I stay?" She asked.

Trixie: (Celestia) I’m sure there’s a cardboard box you can sleep in somewhere.

"You can stay at her castle,I'm sure she has an extra room you can borrow." Princess Celestia assured.

Ditzy: Yeah, seriously. She doesn’t even have guards.

Doctor: I thought you said guards are useless?

Ditzy: Y-yes, but they are still nice to have around.

"Follow me to the castle so we can get you cleaned up.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Seriously, have you even heard of deodorant?

Doctor: (Ivy) What? No! Of course not! Mother said that’s poisonous to changelings!

Ditzy: (Celestia) She would tell you that won’t she?

Then you can go to Ponyville." Princess Luna said.

"Okay," Ivy muttered. "Let's go."

Trixie: (Ivy) I am going to completely forgive you all for murder-banishing my father!

Celestia and Luna led Ivy to the castle,where they would get her ready for her trip to Ponyville.

Doctor: Made sure she was all packed, had all her toiletries, and brought a pillow for the train!

Luna took Ivy to her room and let her use her bathroom.

Trixie: What is she three years old?

"Here..." She said giving Ivy a lavender bottle and a pink one,"This one is for your mane and tail,and this one is for the rest of your body." first she pointed to the lavender one and then to the pink one.

Trixie: (Luna) Sucker! That had green dye in it! Hehe.

"Oh,and when you come out of the shower put this on." Luna said as she handed Ivy a black,long sleeved dress and a pair of gray boots.

Trixie: Yeah, that goes well together.

Doctor: Why does she even need the boots?

"And brush your mane and tail when your done." She handed her a brush.

Doctor: (Ivy) Yes, mom.**

Ivy looked at Luna with a big smile,"Thank you so much." she said.

"Don't mention it." Luna replied with a wink,"Now go,Tia is waiting for you." she said before closing the door to the bathroom and leaving Ivy alone.

Trixie: Impressive. Poison Ivy can go the potty all by herself!

A few minutes later,Ivy emerged from the bathroom as clean as ever.

Ditzy: That was quick. Those shampoos are awesome!

Trixie: The princess should start their own beauty product line.

Her mane and tail literally sparkled and the black dress looked stunning on her.

Doctor: So that explains the princess’s hair, they use special shampoo to get that effect.

"Wow," Luna gasped. "Ivy you look amazing!"

Trixie: (Luna) I’m an ugly garbage pony compared to you!

Ivy blushed,"Thank you Luna." she said.

Celestia stood besides Luna,her eyes twinkling in the light.

Ditzy: Space Ripper Stingy Eyes!

"Take this," She said as she handed Ivy a scroll with a wax seal. "Give it to the lavender alicorn."

Doctor: Sure thing, light fuchsiaish gray alicorn.

Ivy nodded and tucked it inside one of the dress's pockets.

"Thank you both for everything." She said as she hugged the Royal Sisters. "I'm going to miss you."

"Us too." Princess Celestia said,breaking the hug.

Doctor: (Celestia)(Sniff) We’ve only known each other for about an hour, but you already feel like a sister to me!

Celestia and Luna led Ivy to the guards and waved as they took off towards Ponyville. When they were out of sight range,Celestia took out a piece of parchment and a quill.

Then,she started scribbling.

Dear Twilight Sparkle…

Trixie: (Celestia) I have the perfect prank to pull on your new visitor. Do you still have that spider section in your castle?

Author's Note:

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out but I hope you all enjoyed.

Ditzy: Enjoyed… what? Twilight Sparkle?

Trixie: We enjoyed something, but I don’t think it is what you intended.

Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 26 - Part 2

"Spiiiike!" Twilight screamed from her room. "I just received a letter from the princess saying that we are going to have a guest,so I need you to clean this place up while I go get our friends,pronto!"

"Whatever..." Spike said from his room.

Trixie: (Spike) You’re not the boss of me!

"Ugh!" Twilight moaned,"Okay well don't!" she screamed.

Doctor:(Twilight) My desk is unorganized and there are books on the floor. How can I show my face to my guests with a mess like this?! The shame! Oh the shame of it all!

"Whatever..." Came the response.

Doctor: (Spike) Shut up Twilight! I’m listening to my MCR CDs while writing my angsty death poetry!

Ditzy: (Spike) You’re not my mom, Twilight!

Suddenly,a knock came from the castle's front door.

"Coming!" Twilight shouted,running down the stairs to the front door.

Trixie: (Scoffs) Should a princess be the one answering the door?

Meanwhile,Poison Ivy waited patiently on the front door.

I wander what's taking so long... She wondered.

Just then a petite sized lavender alicorn opened the door.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’m hungry, but this research project is too interesting! Oh well. One missed meal won’t hurt.

"Hello," She said. "May I ask who you are?"

"Oh...uh...my name is Poison Ivy and uh…

Ditzy: (Twilight) Like the Batpony villain?

Princess Celestia sent me here..." She said as she fiddled with her pockets,took out a scroll,and gave it to Twilight.

"She told me to give you this."

Twilight opened the scroll and read silently for a minute,then she closed it and smiled at Ivy.

Trixie: (Twilight) Understood princess. I’ll make sure she doesn’t leave here alive.

"Oh,I've been expecting you!" She said with a big smile. "Allow me to introduce myself,my name is Twilight Sparkle. But you can call me Twilight."

Ditzy: (Twilight) Call me Twi is you want to get nasty.

Twilight motioned for Ivy to enter the castle and she did as instructed.

Doctor: (Claps) Good girl. Have a doggy treat.

Twilight was shocked of how tall Poison Ivy was. She had to look up to see her face!

Ditzy: She was used to looking down on puny mortals!

"Wow!" Twilight stared up at Poison Ivy,"You're really tall." she said.

Poison Ivy blushed and smiled sheepishly,"Thank you..." she finally squeaked.

Trixie: (Twilight) Did you know you have an ugly zit on your left check? It’s really gross!

Doctor: (Ivy) ...Thanks.

"Come sit." Twilight said sitting in a couch and patting the cushion next to her.

Trixie: (Twilight) Sit and get comfortable… if you know what I mean.

Ivy sat down,she was surprised at how soft the cushion beneath her felt.

Doctor: Chrysalis made her daughter sit on cushions full of pebbles.

Just then Twilight cleared her throat and screamed. "Spike! Go get the others,we have a guest!"

A teenage dragon came running down the stairs with a giddy smile plastered on his scaly face.

Doctor: (Spike) Duhhaahaha! Girl!

"O..." But before the teenage dragon could say anything else,his eyes fell on Poison Ivy and her sleek figure.

Trixie: (Ivy) Hey! My eyes are up here!

"W-who is that?" The dragon asked Twilight.

"Spike,meet Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy,meet Spike." Twilight introduced.

"Hi!" Ivy happily greeted.

"Hi..." Spike boastfully greeted.

Doctor: (Spike) Yeah, I pretty much run this place.

"So um...I'll go get the girls now..." Spike awkwardly said.

Trixie: (Spike) I don’t think you're super hot or anything!

He walked to the door and before leaving he said,"Bye"and shut the door.

Twilight and Ivy chuckled at the sight in amusement.

Trixie: (Twilight) He does this to every attractive mare he meets. Pretty pathetic huh?

"He has a crush on me doesn't he?" Ivy asked with a smirk.

Ditzy: (Ivy) I can’t wait to abuse this and make him do whatever I want. I could probably string him along for years. Just have few kind words here and there and he will be eating out of my hoof!

"Obviously,yes!" Twilight snickered.

Ditzy: (Sighs deeply)

Doctor: (Pats her on the back) There, there.

"He used to have a crush on my good friend Rarity,but after she got married and had a filly he got over it."

Doctor: (Twilight) I just love reminding everypony how much he struck out with Rarity and humiliating him before every stranger I meet!

Trixie: (Twilight) Now he’ll stalk you instead!

"Who are you're other friends,anyways?" Ivy asked.

"Well there is Applejack,Rainbow Dash,Pinkie Pie,Fluttershy, and Rarity;whom I already told you about." Twilight explained, "Oh,and I almost forgot about their families!

Ditzy: (Twilight) I have a list of their every known relative! Reading every name out will be so much fun!

she squealed.

Trixie: (Twilight) I can’t wait to tell you about the author’s shipping pairs!

"Wait wait wait!...are you telling me you're friends all have husbands and children and you don't?!?" Poison Ivy asked,somewhat curious.

Trixie: (Twilight) No! I have books, the greatest companion of a pony! Who needs sex when you have that!

Twilight stifled a giggle, "Of course I have a husband and a filly,

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’m not an old maid!

her name is is Starburst and his name is..." but before the alicorn could finish her sentence,

Ditzy: Good, this way nopony’s ideal husbando for Twilight is ruined!

the main door swung open and a teenage blonde maned pegasus filly bounced inside,followed by a pink earth pony mare,Spike, and a whole lot of other ponies.

Trixie: Huray. More OCs.

"We're here!" Shouted the blonde pegasus.

"Wonderful!" Twilight exclaimed. "C'mon Ivy,I'll introduce you to the gang."

Doctor: So why do Twilight and her friends have kids in this story? I don’t really see the point.

Ditzy: Yeah! Why do we need all these new characters exactly?

"Um Twilight? I don't think I can manage to stay calm around so much ponies..." Ivy confessed.

Doctor: (Ivy) I have Agoraphobia; I’ll have a panic attack if I’m surrounded by ten or more ponies.

"Nonsense!You'll like them right away!" Twilight insisted,"Now come along and say hello!" she tried to push Ivy towards the other ponies,but because of her size she didn't make any progress. In other words she didn't manage to move Ivy an inch.

Trixie: Her librarian physique was no match for Ivy’s girth!

Poison Ivy giggled as she took a step forward,Twilight lost her balance and almost fell but Ivy grabbed her and saved her a nasty bruise.

Doctor: You didn’t need to do that. She’s used to that sort of thing by now. And it isn’t like it’s an anvil again.

Ditzy: Ha.

"Thanks for that." Twilight said teasingly.

Somepony cleared their throat rather loudly in the background,Ivy and Twilight looked in front of them to see Spike and the other ponies staring at them with smirks on their muzzles.

Doctor: That girl is a magnet for pain isn’t she?

Trixie: Of course, Sparkle abuse is always funny.

"Uh...guys this is Poison Ivy,Poison Ivy this is the gang." Twilight introduced,"Poison Ivy,why don't you tell us a little about your self?" she recommended.

Doctor: (Ivy) Hello, my name is Poison Ivy. I’m a Virgo and I like long walks on the beach.

Sweat beaded down Ivy's face as she spoke,"I am a changeling, -Everypony gasped

Ditzy: (Pony) She’s a monster!

Doctor: (Pony) We need to stop her before anypony gets hurt!

Trixie: (Pony) Run for the hills! She’ll eat us all!

except for Twilight and Spike- my mother is Queen Chrysalis, and I was sent here by Celestia and Luna so Twilight could show me to control my powers,"Ivy continued."since my mom never bothered to show me and I never met my dad."

Doctor: Everybody got that?

"So let me get this strait,you are a changeling who is disguised as an alicorn and was sent here by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna so Twilight could show you to control you're powers?" The blonde pegasus asked. "Did I miss any?"

Ivy looked at the blonde pegasus with wide eyes,"How did you do that?!" she asked.

Trixie: (Ivy) Your ability to remember something from three seconds ago is amazing!

The blonde pegasus shrugged,"I dunno..." she said.

The pink earth pony giggled as she leaned into Ivy's ear and whispered,"You get used to it."

Ditzy: I guess the author meant to edit out the part where Ivy explained everything, but forgot.

"Okay!" Twilight said as she clapped her hands together, "How about you guys introduce yourselves to Ivy?" she recommended.

Ditzy: (Blinks) Hands?

Doctor: Wait, are they antro ponies?

Trixie: Now you drop that bombshell on us?

The blonde pegasus cleared her throat, "My name is Sugar Rush." she said.

Ditzy: (Sugar) My mom loves Wreck-it Ralph!

"This is my mom Pinkie Pie, -she pointed at the pink earth pony- my dad Cheese Sandwich, -she pointed at a light brown earth pony- and my sister Chocolate Swirl. -she pointed at a teenage soft pink earth pony-

Poison Ivy was confused, how come Pinkie Pie, Cheese Sandwich, and Chocolate Swirl were all earth ponies but Sugar Rush?

Ditzy: (Ivy) She must be weird mutant or something!

"Um...Sugar Rush...how come your the only pegasus on the family? Are you adopted or something?" She asked.

Doctor: Pony genetics are weird.

Sugar Rush noticeably flinched upon hearing those words. She lowered her ears as her once bright smile became an ugly scowl. She glared harshly at Poison Ivy.

Ditzy: Come on it’s the… 2020s? Or something. Not the 800 BC. How is this an issue?

"Daddy's mom is a pegasus. Why do you ask?" Sugar coldly answered. "Do you have a problem with me being a pegasus?!" She presssed her nose to Ivy's.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Uh, no! I don’t think you’re some freaky wierdo that’s an abomination against science and nature!

Ivy pushed her off her face. "No I do not..." She growled under her breath.

"Are you scared to say the truth?! 'Cause i'm not! I think your a feather-brain!" Sugar harshly insulted.

Ditzy: (Gasps)

Doctor: No! It’s chitin-brain!

"What did you just say!?!" Ivy yelled as she stood up from her chair. This girl was starting to get on her nerves.

Ditzy: That was not called for at all!

Trixie: Ugh, what an unpleasant pony!

Her face was lit a bright shade of red and her horn shone bright white.

"I am tired of being called things I am not!

Doctor: (Ivy) I-I’ll have you know I have plenty of mixed pony friends!

I demand for you to stop!" Ivy stomped in anger, her wings buzzing behind her.

"What if I don't want to?" Sugar asked with a smirk.

"Then I leave!" Ivy snapped.

Trixie: (Ivy) You better stop teasing me! Or I’ll scurry away and hid in a corner!

Twilight bit her lower lip in the distance. She observed how Poison Ivy's body reacted to her emotions carefully.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I wonder if I can get some hilarious reactions if I insinuate she’s sexist too. For science of course.

Something was wrong here...

Doctor: Ivy was turning polkadot.

Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 26 - Part 3

"Poison Ivy!" Everypony in the room looked at the owner of the voice, Twilight herself.

Poison Ivy was breathing hard through her nostrils

Doctor: Unfortunately, Ivy had allergies so it came out as a disgusting snorting sound.

and her horn was still alight with the blinding white aura. She glared harshly towards Sugar Rush.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Rawh! Ivy smash puny pony!

"What?!" She huffed, not taking her eyes off Sugar Rush.

"Ivy, you need to calm down!" Twilight pleaded. "Please..."

Trixie: (Twilight) I just cleaned this carpet!

Poison Ivy took her eyes off Sugar Rush and looked at Twilight with a scowl, but somehow her eyes seemed...soft?

Ditzy: Charmin Ultra Soft!

Ivy took a deep breath, "I'm sorry..." she apologized.

Trixie: (Ivy) But do it again and you're leaving in a body bag!

Twilight smiled softly and walked towards Poison Ivy, who hung her head low. Twilight put a hand on Ivy's shoulder, "It's fine. We all make mistakes." Twilight comforted.

Trixie: So lay off all the Mary Sue accusations!

Somehow, it was a lot like when Princess Celestia comforted her in the caves. Ivy looked up and smiled at Twilight.

Doctor: (Ivy) Is this what somelings call happiness?

"Thank you." She said, and as soon as she said that the blinding white aura in her horn disappeared.

Twilight saw how emotions affected Ivy's magic and made a mental note to help her with that later.

Trixie: So getting a little upset makes her suffer a complete meltdown. Got it.

Suddenly, Ivy gave Twilight a crushing bear hug and started sobbing on her neck. Twilight was taken aback for a minute by this but soon came back to her senses and returned the embrace to the sobbing young mare.

Doctor: And Ivy responded by blowing her nose into Twilight’s neck.

"It's okay, now let it all out." Twilight said as she lightly patted her in the back.

Ditzy: Imma let it all out

I don't even care now

Let her walk away

If you wanna blindly

Walk along beside me

I got a place to stay

"I didn't tell you..." Ivy sniffed.

"About what?" Twilight asked in confusion.

"About...m-my p-past..." Ivy said in between sobs.

"It's m-mom... She always y-yelled at m-me for l-losing control over m-my magic a-and she never e-even helped!" Ivy sobbed even louder.

Ditzy: (Ivy) She would post humiliating videos of my breakdowns on Ponytube and share them with all her friends.

"Who is your mom anyways?" Asked Twilight, stroking her mane gently.

"Q-queen Chrysalis..." Ivy cried softly, holding her breath.

Twilight gasped and quickly let go of Poison Ivy, giving her a gentle push. This girl was the daughter of the monster who locked her in those old crystal caves! And she was hugging her!

Doctor: Well...this could have gone better.

Ditzy: Wait, didn’t Twilight already learn this last chapter?

"You mean queen of changelings?!" Twilight shrieked.

Trixie: Wait till she learns who her father is.

She nodded, "Yes..." she whimpered highly above a whisper. She sat on the floor quietly and dug her head between her knees.

Twilight almost gasped again but held her breath as she remembered Ivy's emotional state.

Trixie: That didn’t stop her from feeling revulsion from Ivy’s presence though.

She sat next to Ivy and hugged her, "I'm sorry." she said. Ivy looked up at Twilight, her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying and her cheeks were rosy despite the dark color of her fur.

"It's fine. We all make mistakes." She said softly.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’m not sorry about what happened to your father though. He got everything that was coming to him.

Twilight smiled and ruffled her mane, "Atta girl!" she said. Even in her mood, a smile found it's way into Ivy's mouth.

Ditzy: It faltered when Twilight started rubbing sanitizer on her hooves.

"This brought tears to my eyes!" The two mares looked at the owner of the silky voice,

Doctor: (Voice) Have you ever considered working in theater?

a milk white unicorn mare with a purple curly mane. In her hands she held a silk handkerchief and her soft eyes were moist with tears.

"Oh! Rarity, this is Poison Ivy." Twilight introduced, "Poison Ivy, this is Rarity." she finished while getting up with Ivy.

"Nice to meet you, darling!" Rarity said while offering her hand.

"Um...nice to meet you too.." Ivy said while shaking Rarity's hand.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Ew, her hand is really sweaty and clammy.

"Okay y'all, what's going on here?" An orange earth pony mare asked.

"Oh hey Applejack!" Twilight beamed, "Meet Poison Ivy." she put an arm over Poison Ivy's shoulders.

Poison Ivy could feel sweat running down her face, she smiled sheepishly. But inside her head she was hitting herself.

Oh great, she said in her mind. More freaks!

Ditzy: (Blinks) What?

Doctor: (Ivy) She has no wings or horn? Why do ponies allow these inferior cretans to walk around?

"Yeehaw! Good gravy Twi, why didn't ya tell earlier! Name's Applejack, nice ta meet ya!" Applejack said, shaking Ivy's hand furiously.

Applejack noticed Poison Ivy sweating and commented "Ah don't bite, sugarcube."

Doctor: (Ivy)(pained) That would be more convincing if you weren’t crushing my hand.

Ivy nodded and walked to the kitchen, leaving a very confused Applejack behind.

Upon reaching the kitchen, Poison Ivy was happy to find that it was empty. She sat in a stool next to the table.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Now it’s time to get a tub of ice cream out of the fridge and cry into it, lamenting about my sad pathetic life!

"Hey!" Someone said from the door frame. Ivy looked at it and saw Sugar Rush lying against it.

"Oh it's just you..." Ivy said putting her head down on the somewhat golden table.

"Look..." Sugar Rush started, "I'm sorry. I just can't control myself sometimes." she said wth noticible shame.

Poison Ivy lifted her head from the table and looked at Sugar Rush straight in the eyes.

Ditzy: Soulgaze time!

Just then she noticed that she was telling the truth.

"I...forgive you." Ivy said whith a small smile.

Sugar Rush perked up at the words as soon as she heard them.

Trixie: (Sugar) Maybe I can actually have a friend for longer than a day for once!

"R-really?" She asked a bit surprised.

"Yes." Ivy replied with a nod.

"Thank you!" Sugar exclaimed while running to Ivy and embracing her.

Poison Ivy was surprised, she thought Sugar Rush was like the little mean changelings she had met back at the hive.

Trixie: They used to shove her into lockers and dump her books for fun everyday!

"Can we be friends?" Sugar Rush asked, breaking the hug.

"Of course!" Ivy said sweetly.

Trixie: (Sugar) So which do you like more? Star Wars or Star Trek?

Ditzy: (Ivy) Star Trek obviously. Star Wars is for dumb babies.

Trixie: (Sugar) You’re dead to me.

And just as she said that, "Sugar Rush!" a shrill voice called out. A teenage blue filly stuck her head into the kitchen door.

"Hey Sugar Rush!" The filly greeted, she looked at Ivy for a second and then back at Sugar Rush.

"Who's the friend?" She asked.

"Oh! Poison Ivy, this is Cloud Puff!" She introduced. " Cloud Puff, this is Poion Ivy."

Cloud Puff entered the kitchen with a banana in her hand and a cheesy smile on her face.

Doctor: (Coughs) Please don’t make the easy joke.

Ditzy: My lips are sealed.

Trixie: Come on Doctor.That one is way too easy!

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Cloud Puff taunted. "A newbie flier?"

Ditzy: All these new characters are jerks.

Trixie: Ivy can’t go five minutes in her life without somepony abusing her.

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Teenagers.

Poison Ivy's smile deflated and a cold expression formed on her muzzle.

"I am not a newbie flier, just so you know!" She stated in a strong intimidating tone, her wings flaring out in anger.

Trixie: (Ivy) I got first place in the 3rd grade changeling elementary grand prix!

A faint white aura covered her horn once more. Sugar Rush saw this and hurried after Poison Ivy to stop her from doing something she would regret.

Trixie: No! Don’t hurt these enduring and interesting characters!

"Oh yeah?!" Well prove it!" Cloud Puff yelled.

Poison Ivy could fel a smirk curving on her lips. Sugar Rush stomped in between the two.

"STOP!!!" She yelled at the the top of her lungs.

Cloud Puff stared at Sugar Rush with a frown, "What's the big deal?!" She said angrily.

Doctor: (Cloud) Stop being such a buzz kill. Can’t I bully her in peace?

"The big deal is that Ivy can't control her powers, if you make her angry she might accidentaly hurt you!" Sugar Rush explained.

Doctor: (Ivy) Cloud Puff, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Don’t make me blog mean things about you on my Ponybook page!

"Ahhhhhh!" Sugar looked black at Poison Ivy only to see her curled up on the floor, groaning, and crying in pain.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Ugh, the... constipation... is too great!

"OMG!" Sugar Rush gasped, "Are you okay Ivy?!" She asked.

Poison Ivy just moaned and grinded her teeth together in pain.

"Go get Twilight NOW!" Sugar comanded as she sat next to Ivy.

Cloud Puff ondeen and ran out of the kitchen to look for Twilight.

"Twilight! Twilight!" Cloud Puff cried.

Everypony looked at Cloud Puff, who was was wearing a worried expression.

"What is it Cloud Puff?" Twilight asked. "Is everything okay?"

Cloud Puff shook her head, "Poison Ivy lost control over the magic!" She shakily explained.

Twilight's eyes went wide, "Again?!" She asked, a bit shocked.

Doctor: (Twilight) What? Two times in one chapter?

"Yes!" And before Cloud Puff could say anything else, Twilight was off and running to the kitchen, where Poison Ivy and Sugar Rush were.

Ditzy: (Cloud) Ugh, how rude!

I hope she's okay... Cloud Puff thought. I didn't mean to hurt her... Her thoughts were interrupted by a huff.

"What did you do to her?" A cyan pegasus mare with a prism mane asked, slightly raising her eyebrow.

"I did nothing..." Cloud Puff said defensively, crossing her arms.

"Still it..." The mare said, this time louder.

Cloud Puff sighed, "You win mom..." She said looking at the floor in shame.

"I got into a fight with her, alright!" She said raising her arms.

Doctor: (Rainbow) That’s it! No Darling Do for a month!

Ditzy: (Twilight) The horror! Nopony deserves that!

Trixie: (Cloud) ....Nerds.

Author's Note:

I finally finished this Chapter! Gawd this took me so much time to finish!

I hope you enjoyed! I'm not exactly sure when the next Chapter will be out, though.

Episode 26 - Book 1: Changing Patterns Part 4

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 26 - Part 4

"You did what?!" The mare yelled in frustration. "Cloud Puff, I am ashamed of you!"

Trixie: (Rainbow) I have no daughter!

"I'm sorry Rainbow Dash..." Cloud Puff said with a frown, "I'm a loser." She said hanging her head.

Doctor: You call your mother by her real name?

" No your not!" A while pegasus stallion besides Rainbow said.

Trixie: Yeah! You’re just sorry because you got caught!

"Yes I am dad..." Cloud Puff muttered,

Doctor: And yet you call your father “dad”...

sniffling and walking to the door, ready to go to her home.

The white stallion stepped forward, ready to scold Cloud Puff for her foolish behavior, but a cyan hand stopped him.

"Let her go, Soarin." Rainbow Dash said. "I'll deal with her."

She walked to her daughter by the door.

Trixie: Time for some hot mother on daughter spanking action!

"Deep breaths, Ivy, deep breaths." Sugar Rush said in a soothing voice to Poison Ivy, who was leaning against her.

Trixie: There is no emotion, there is peace.

She took one shaky breath and sighed.

"I-i'm s-scared..." Poison Ivy said in a low shuddery tone.

A gasp echoed through the kitchen as Twilight quickly ran towards Poison Ivy and Sugar Rush.

Doctor: (Ivy) Why is the fridge stuffed with nothing but cans of whipped cream?

"What happened here?!" Twilight demanded to know.

Doctor: (Twilight) What did you do to her Sugar Rush?! What did you do?! If you don’t tell me, so help me, I will throttle you!

Sugar glanced at Ivy and then looked at Twilight, who wore a worried expression.

"Ivy and Cloud Puff got into a fight and then this happened." She motioned to the shaking mare leaning against her.

Ditzy: For crying out loud. You leave her alone for two seconds and this happens.

Twilight thought for a moment and then looked at Poison Ivy, her eyes showed fear.

Trixie: (Twilight) Should I give her CPR? I have no idea what to do in this situation!

She sat next to her and signaled for Sugar Rush to let them alone for a moment.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Well, if all else fails, test spells on her until she gets better!

Sugar Rush got up and walked out of the kitchen. Twilight looked at the shivering mare besides her and frowned.

"Poison Ivy, what is going on?" She asked softly while wrapping a wing around Ivy.

Doctor: You do remember that they are humanoid bipeds now? That doesn’t really work.

Ditzy: To make it even weirder, Ivy is a giant too.

"The voices...they haunt me..." Poison Ivy said shakily.

For once, Twilight was confused. She had never heard of anything like it.

Doctor: Yeah, this is kind of coming out of nowhere.

Trixie: This fic is shifting gears...again? Ugh.

"What voices?" She asked, leaning closer.

"The voices inside my head...they make me do things..." Ivy said in a whisper. " Things I don't want to do..." She continued.

Doctor: (Ivy) They tell me a catastrophe is coming, and the only way to stop it is through pony sacrifices!

Ditzy: It’s just one bad thing after another with this mare. It’s like the author is going out of his way to make her life as miserable as possible.

Twilight was now very confused. Voices? That haunt? She was confused alright…

Ditzy: You’re not the only one.

"What do they say?" She asked.

"Things...horrible things I don't want to do...but I do them anyways...sometimes." Ivy replied.

Trixie: (Ivy) I’ve lost count of all the people I’ve chopped up over the years.

"What do you mean sometimes?" Twilight asked in confusion.

Ditzy: (Ivy) This guy was a real jerk to me at the convenience store once, so I didn’t mind when the voices told me to kill him.

"I do not want to do those things, but my body is forced to by my mind...I try to stop it but end up just...modifying them!" Ivy exclaimed, lifting her head and waving her hands in the air dramatically.

Trixie: (Ivy) Somehow it turned from ‘give that person a hug’ to ‘break their neck and hide the body’.

Twilight's eyes widened in shock.

Doctor: (Twilight) I let this monster into my house!

"You can fight commands from your mind?!" She asked in surprise.

Ditzy: So instead of pressing D+DF+F+P, Ivy presses F+D+DF+P!

"I...guess..." Ivy shrugged.

"Ivy, this is amazing!" Twilight exclaimed while getting up so fast, she pulled Poison Ivy with her.

Ditzy: (Facehoofs) Only Twilight would find something like this exciting.

"You might be the first pony in history to control your mind!" She continued to shout, with a huge smile.

Doctor: (Blinks) What?

Ditzy: Um, don’t pony...human whatever do that already?

Poison Ivy managed to free herself from Twilight's wing and said "I feel dizzy..." before falling to the floor with a loud thunk.

Trixie: (Twilight) I knew this perfume Rarity suggested was a bad idea.

The last thing Poison Ivy heard before going unconscious was a shriek and a call for help from Twilight. The world around her went black…

Poison Ivy slowly opened her eyes. Everything around her was black, a tall, pure black figure was standing in the the middle of it all. She got up as quickly as she could, "Princess Luna!" Ivy called to the figure feared by all, Nightmare Moon!

Trixie: So why didn’t Ivy call her Nightmare Moon then?

The grand alicorn turned around completely, looking at Ivy with a fanged grin.

"We have been expecting you, Poison Ivy!" Nightmare Moon said in a loud booming voice.

Doctor: (Nightmare Moon) Come! The newest season of Fuller House premiers tonight! I have popcorn!

Poison Ivy growled under her breath, "Why did you call me here?!" She said through gritted teeth.

Ditzy: (Ivy) You could have at least called first!

Nightmare Moon laughed her sinister laugh.

Ditzy: Complete with lightning crackling behind her!

"Getting ahead of ourselves aren't we?" She wickedly said.

Trixie: (Nightmare) We so need to catch up! So, have you met any cute boys since I last saw you?

"Why did you call me here!?!" Poison Ivy repeated, this time louder.

"Hm, quite an impatient one of I do say so my self." Nightmare said as she glanced at the enraged young changeling. "Anyways, I called you here so you could get a message to your pathetic little pony friends..."

Doctor: (Nightmare) Tell them I can’t make the slumber party tomorrow. Something came up and we need to reschedule.

Poison Ivy was not know for having patience, "

Trixie: Really? Trixie would have never guessed that. Come on! The fic just told that a second ago!

That is?" She asked.

Ditzy: (Ivy) Let me guess. We are all doomed and we can’t stand up to your evil might blah blah blah. I’ve seen saturday morning cartoons, Nightmare Moon!

"The shadows will rise and they shall rule over Equestria once more!" Nightmare Moon yelled.

Trixie: (Nightmare) I could force you kill them all in their sleep instead of loudly announcing myself, but that would be boring.

Doctor: Villains never think of that do that. They always have to make a grand appearance of some kind.

And as those words were said Poison Ivy awake from her nightmare.

Doctor: Huh, that evil speech was actually pretty short for once. It’s actually pretty refreshing!

Ditzy: Thank Celestia we don’t have to deal with endless monologuing like we did with Corona.

Beep...Beep...Beep…

Trixie: It’s a proximity bomb! Duck for cover!

That was all that could be heard in the hospital room where Poison Ivy lay motionlessly on the bed.

Doctor: (Doctor) I am sorry to tell you this, but… the injuries to your brain mean that you will probably never move again.

Ditzy: (Ivy) What! No!

Doctor; (Doctor) Ha! Just kidding! You’re perfectly fine! Always wanted to tell a patient that!

Everypony had their eyes on the three princesses that were present. Luna, that was sleeping soundly on a chair, Celestia, who stood next to Poison Ivy's hospital bed, and Twilight, who was looking at Ivy from a chair with tear stained cheeks.

Trixie: All of them? What, they just met her!

Doctor: Must be a slow day at the castle I guess.

Suddenly, Poison Ivy and Princess Luna awoke at the same time. Both were panting and sweating.

"Nightmare Moon is back!" They both said in unison.

Celestia and Twilight were both taken back by their words.

Doctor: (Twilight) I was so sure that Chrysalis would be the villain of this fic!

Trixie: (Twilight) The author does know you need to set up and foreshadow your main villain first before using them right?

"Ivy!" Twilight cried, while running up to the young mare in the bed and hugging her. "I was so worried, I thought we lost you!"

Doctor: (Twilight) It’s a shame we can’t dissect you for science. We know so little about changelings!

"Nightmare Moon is coming..." Ivy simply said. "And she told me give you guys this message..."

She took a deep breath and continued, "The shadows will rise and they shall rule over Equestria once more." She let it all out in a sentence just like Nightmare did.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oww! Did she have to yell it too?

"It is true..." Everypony turned to look at Princess Luna, who was frowning and wore a sad look on her face.

"Nightmare Moon is going to try to take over Equestria once more." She sighted, "And she is going to use Poison Ivy and I to do it..." She finished with a shake of her head.

Doctor: And the night will last for forever blah blah blah.

"We must be left alone..." Luna said. "Until the dark magic within us is calm enough." She finished.

Ditzy: Sounds like a really dumb plan considering she can take over bodies but okay!

Celestia looked at Luna and then at Ivy, They both look awfully tired she thought and then nodded.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Luna must be staying up all morning playing the new Pokemon game again.

"Rest, both of you..." She said,

Doctor: (Luna) Nay! I must complete my Pokedex first! I am still required to catch 20 more Pokemon!

"Now come along everypony, we must leave them to rest." She walked out of the hospital room with the rest close behind and her former student besides her.

"Celestia, what is going to happen with Poison Ivy and Princess Luna?" Twilight asked.

Celestia rubbed her temples and sighed. "When it comes to dark magic, it is best to ask Luna. But she is not available, so I will answer your question. Poison Ivy is no ordinary changeling, her father, King Sombra, was evil. And her mother, Queen Chrysalis, is evil too.

Ditzy: And she’s being possessed by Nightmare Moon too! ...I think. What next? Her grandpapa is Discord? And her godfather was Tirek?

So when they mated and had Poison Ivy,

Doctor: Remember, evil is genetic!

Ditzy: Mated? I believe the term is “banged”.

they both transferred some of their dark magic to her. That magic takes time and practice to control. It's illusion magic." She said.

Twilight's eyes were the size of pin pricks, illusion magic was a type of forbidden magic.

Trixie: What! No it’s not! Otherwise I would be out of work!

Doctor: So does this mean Nightmare Moon is just a figment of Ivy’s imagination made real?

Author's Note:

If you have already read the post before this chapter then I bet you are wondering how I posted this. My response is, the internet is back online whoohoo! Hope you guys enjoyed!

Ditzy: And that’s it? But so much is unresolved! Not even Legend of Starlight ended this with many loose threads!

Doctor: At least it’s short.

Trixie: Now we will never know if Ivy will ever have a happy moment in her life.

Doctor: What was the point of this being anthro? It added absolutely nothing.

Trixie: What was the point of anything in this fic? Let’s just get out of here!

---

“What a waste,” Trixie complained.

“Ugh, I hate unfinished fics,” Ditzy said, “now I will always wonder what happened next!”

“Really?” Trixie raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, it won’t haunt my dreams or anything, but it is still annoying!” Ditzy relented.

“What is that?” The Doctor pointed towards a scroll on a table. It had their names on it. He picked it up and read it.

Dear Doctor, Bright Eyes, and What’s-her-name,

Twilight complained over and over again to me about sending this to you. She just wanted to say hi and tell you that she won. The power of friendship conquers all blah blah blah. Really, it is only out of the goodness of my heart that I am sending this to so you better appreciate it. Still, I have to say it was quite the harrowing adventure full of intrigue, danger, romance, and me of course. You should have seen me. I was so dashing and courageous it was truly a sight to behold. Too bad you missed it. Feh, this letter has gone on for far too long. I am getting bored of writing this already. Tootles.

Great and Fantastic Lord of Chaos himself,

Discord.

P.S. This message will now self-destruct in 5 seconds.

Everypony screamed in shock as the letter turned to goo than exploded into glitter making a mess everywhere. Ditzy groaned. She would have to clean this mess.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “And ponies say Trixie has an ego.”

"At least we know Twilight won.” Ditzy cheered. “That is fantastic news.”

“Did he really just break the laws of reality to brag and annoy us?” The Doctor wonder.

“Well, yeah.” Ditzy said. “That is his thing.”

“I really hope that is the last we see of him.” The Doctor shook his head.

“No kidding.” Trixie agreed.

Somewhere in the facility darkness stirred. It didn’t know where it was and what it was, but it knew it wanted to live and feel. Something felt off, missing. But that didn’t matter at the moment. The Darkness started to take form. It felt it hooves forming. It stretched many appendages from its body. It grew fangs and a multitude of eyes. The Darkness grinned, and it rose to its full height. It felt great to finally have form. No, wait. The Darkness was pretty sure that it was a she. That was a good start! Now all it had to do was find a way out of these bland corridors.

It took some effort, but it finally found some stairs! Stairs that meant a way up! So, she climbed despite the awkwardness of walking up with six legs. She still wasn’t used to her limbs yet. There was a door, and she preceded to open it. Air, the Darkness felt air on her face. It was good. The new experience was exciting for her. Outside was what she was pretty sure were trees and rocks. Boring, but that was okay. She was sure fun and excitement was out there somewhere.

Twilight gasped and quickly let go of Poison Ivy, giving her a gentle push. This girl was the daughter of the monster who locked her in those old crystal caves! And she was hugging her!

Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 1

Hello again. This time we will be reading Night Fall Equestria. A revenge story where Twilight is raised from the dead and gives in the dark side so she can get back at Sombra and Chrysalis (Oh course it’s them) for killing her! This isn’t your daddy’s MLP. It has extreme violence, torture, and swearing and Twilight kills people! It’s pretty silly, but enjoyable in a way. I had fun with this one.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction account or my blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Thank you FLUTTERxxDASH for letting me use your fic! You are awesome!

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 27 - Part 1

Trixie yawned as she skimmed the book titles in the library. Calling it a library was pushing it a bit. There were only about sixty books here or so. There was a wide variety of genres. Most were fictional, but the non-fiction titles ranged from geology to bizarre like rockology and the study of subtleties of lint. They were all used too. Dinky, whoever she was, was cheap. Apparently, anything not created by holograms she bought used. She wrinkled her brow in disgust. Their host wasn't a generous one.

She sighed dramatically. Of course, the Great and Powerful Trixie shouldn’t be here. She should be out in Las Pegasus entertaining the masses with her amazing and splendid magic. Not trapped here. She gritted her teeth. It didn’t take long for the amazement of this strange facility and her situation to wear off. Trixie wanted to go home already to her new cart. She belonged on the road, not here.

Trixie did not understand how those other two kept their sanity. They both seemed to take their imprisonment in stride. They seemed to accept it somehow. According to the Doctor, he was just biding his time until the right opportunity to escape. Whatever that meant. Did he really not care it might take years for that opportunity to appear? Maybe never at all? Ditzy's assessment he was some sort of genius was a grand exaggeration.

She refused to sit still and wait. The Great and Powerful Trixie would find a way out of here. She would search every small nook and cranny in this place. Sure, the Doctor and Ditzy claimed they already did that, but Trixie didn’t care. She wanted to see for herself. They might have missed something and Trixie would be damned before she would just sit around hoping for a rescue or an escape opportunity that would never come. Or worse, depend on Sparkle of all ponies to save her. One way or another, she would find a way out of here.

"Hi, Trix!" Ditzy greeted as Trixie entered the main meeting room. The Doctor gave a small nod.

“Hey.” Trixie, for her part, gave a vague wave in return.

“How did the search go?” Ditzy asked.

That took Trixie back. She was careful in not making her intentions known. “Well…”

"We both thought the same thing after getting trapped here," Ditzy answered as if reading her thoughts, "can't say I blame you.”

The Doctor shrugged. “Well, who knows? Maybe a new head might think of something we didn’t.”

“That’s strange coming from you.” Ditzy teased. “I thought it would be impossible for a super genius to miss any possibility."

The Doctor snorted. “I’m no omniscient. I’m serious. I perfectly willing to swallow my pride in being wrong if it means getting out of here.”

Ditzy rolled her eyes. “That would be a first.” The Doctor smiled and shook his head.

Trixie sighed. “There has to be a way out of here.” The last three hours had been less than fruitful. Why couldn’t there be a convenient air duct for them to use?

“Naturally.” The Doctor agreed. “Dinky will make a mistake sometime, and then we pounce on it.” He smashed his hoof on the ground for emphasis.

“And that will never happen.” Dinky scoffed. Her voice came out of the main monitor.

The Doctor waved a dismissive hoof. “If you say so.”

Dinky muttered something inaudible under her breath. It amused Trixie to see how easy it was for the Doctor to get under Dinky’s skin. Something she would have to ask about later. It might come in handy.

“Anyways, my little test subjects,” Dinky said to get back on topic, “today you will read Night Fall Equestria by FLUTTERxxDASH, chapters 1-3. Enjoy.” Dinky gave out that stupid evil laugh of hers.

“Ah, so this is the classic Asimov story, but with ponies.” The Doctor said.

"Not another long multi-chapter experiment." Ditzy sighed. "I really hope this isn't another 20 parter."

Trixie was about to agree when a loud blaring alarm went off. She reflexively covered her ears from the painful noise.

“Ready?” The Doctor asked her over the noise. She nodded, and they all entered the theater.

The Abyss

The room was pitch black apart from the light red glow of the crystals, a dark figure came in front of the light and came closer to the tied up Twilight Sparkle, "Child, how does it feel to be so helplesss, you're teacher, you're friendsss, all gone and you are a husk of the mare you used to be,

Doctor: (Twilight) Shut up! I’m working out and taking online classes to get my degree! I’m doing great!

without a horn you are nothing," Dark purple magic wrapped Twilights horn and with a loud SNAP!!! The figure tore it from her skull.

Trixie: (Winces) Ouch.

Doctor: Oh, it’s going to be one of those stories.

Screams of pain, noise that just wasn't natural escaped from her mouth,

Trixie: She sounded like a tea pot whistle.

Tears flowed like rapids from her eyes as the trickle of red joined the stream of liquid that escapes her.

A sharp toothed grin came across the figures face, "That was payback my dear little sparkle, for my horn AND body was literally blown apart by you and you're friends,"

Trixie: Really? Seems to me that you missed a certain ‘vital’ part while assembling yourself.

he leaned over and licked some of the liquid, with a low tremble hum, "mmmm tastes like sweet vengeance!!"

Ditzy: With a nice hint of honey!

the venom seemed to drip from his mouth.

Trixie: (Sombra) Wait, um, you don’t happen to have ponyAIDS do you?

A haggid voice came from the beaten body of Twiight,

Ditzy: (Twilight Sparkle) You're a wizard, Harry!

"N..ver.. y.ou..wont...last..so.mbra," gasping for air, coughing and wheezing but her eyes still showed resistance.

Doctor: (Twilight) Tis but a scratch!

"DAMN YOU TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!

Ditzy: Woah! Language, your evilness!

you will die in here alone, you will lose you're sanity, you will lose you're hope!,"

Ditzy: What is it with villains and wanting ponies to lose hope before they die? Just...just kill them!

Doctor: I’m not going to complain. It’s gotten me out of ton of scraps.

his eyes flared up as purple mist drifted off his green enveloped eyes.

Trixie: For purple mist coming from your eyes, Clear Eyes is awesome. It removes greenness and has an ingredient to moisturize. Wow.

The sound of buzzing came as a second more slender figure came towards her, "Do not worry my king, she cannot escape but just in case," Twilights left front leg was enveloped in green magic as it twisted and turned in ways it shouldn't.

Ditzy: It was used to make an origami crane!

Another set of screams as she nearly passed out from the pain, her captors would not let her slip though as Sombra slammed a hoof into her.

"GAHH!! *COUGH*.......*COUGH* haa...haaaa you bastards!" Twilight now didn't even have the strength to keep her eyes open.

Trixie: Or use proper capitalization.

"Now that was just sick and twisted, HAHA get it 'Twisted', oh Crysalis you are just the sweetest thing mine eyes hast laid upon in centuries," Sombra chuckled as he began to walk out of the light,

Doctor: (Crysalis) Ugh, why did I agree to have an alliance with this dolt again?

Crysalis followed, his voice echoed through the caves, "time is ticking my dear, you're end is soon, say you're prayers in you're last moments, goodbye," the noise of loud creaking doors slamming was the last thing she heard, Twilight then passed out.

Some hours later the moon rises

Twilight awakes, still not having much strength and feeling very disorientated from blood loss, the cold rusting shackles that bind her are sharp cutting into her fur, at this moment the only thing keeping her tied to this plane of existence is the pain she inhabits that is her body.

Ditzy: But they did give her a nice pillow, so it wasn’t all bad.

Knowing full well her horn is gone she know that this will hurt, trying her best to get anything she can from her power, small flickers of purple come from the nub on her head only to be replaced with pain, more screaming and blood pulsated out of the open wound, "this is the.........end, no magic, I cant even see my friends anymore *panting* Spike, I hope he got away, thankfully he stayed with the ponies in ponyville, *Tears flow again* I'm sorry Spike, I'm not coming home anymore,

Doctor: When you get home there you will find

This letter dear that I have wrote to you

And when you read it oe'r

Till then you'll understand

Why I'm not coming home anymore

I think this is it, I'm getting cold" she thought,

Ditzy: This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!

Twilight with the last of her strength opened her eyes ever so slightly to see the light of the moon through a crack on the roof of the cavern. "funny, the student of the sun falls beneath the moon in her last moments, tragic"

Ditzy: Yeah! Screw Luna and her precious night!

As Twilight began to close her eyes she heard a voice, regal and loud that resonated in her, "Thou would chose death willingly, thine power only amounts to this feeble amount, you worm, struggle for you're existence, I can give you power beyond you're dreams...........

Doctor: (Voice) All for the low low price of 15 bits!

"Who's there"

Ditzy: (Voice) I am thou, and thou art I.

"Thou dost not need to know,

Doctor: (Voice) Just call me.... Steve.

just know I'm the only one left who can save you're sniveling existence, as you're the only one who can now free me, brake thine shackles, accept the darkness,"

Ditzy: Uh, not this again.

Trixie: At least she didn’t stupidly stumble into an evil cave this time.

Twilight realized the voice was not audible through her ears but it was a telepathic connection to somepony.

Trixie: (Twilight) Don’t think dirty thoughts! Don’t think dirty thoughts!

"I'l never accept the darkness," Twilight began to cough blood as she spoke.

"Think child, I can still hear thou through you're mind but you must accept you're hatred, accept the darkness if you wish to free yourself and you're friends, DO IT NOW!!!"

Ditzy: (Voice) Come on, what’s the worse that could happen. (Cough) Except losing your soul. (Cough)

The light in the room started to drift from sight, the moon could not be seen, Twilight felt Liquid at her hooves,

Trixie: Twily had an accident.

It was warm much like a bath at the spa but this liquid was thick and smelled, It smelled of rotten flesh,

Doctor: But you couldn’t deny how nice and relaxing it was.

Twilight didn't even have the strength to puke from the smell, The liquid encased her legs and seemed to crawl up her chest as it seeped into her wounds like nails, digging deep and hard causing pain to thrush through Twilights mangled body. Twilight could feel it pulse through her vains and spread through her body, her arm snapped and popped in a violent manner as it bent back to its original position. The nub on her head began to drip the thick liquid as it started to solidify into a new horn, her fur malted as her skin bubbled, It burnt like she was in the center of the sun itself, in an instant it stopped as she felt knew fur and mane with a tail on her body, the pain wasn't there anymore more so it changed into something euphoric,

Trixie: (Twilight) Oh yes! It’s like I’m touching Celestia!

it was strength, her eyes bolted open, Two red orbs in the pitch black of the cavern as she screamed out not in pain but in power as she tore the chains that held her,

Ditzy: Twilight smash!

the wounds that the chains made sizzled as they healed like brand new. Finally away from her binds she breathes out, A dark red mist escaped her lips, "What is this, its.....its fantastic I've never felt so empowered before"

Ditzy: (Twilight) I can’t wait to see what skill trees I get from this.

The light came back to the room, a pool of red and purple lay under the crystal pillar where she was, "That was the darkness, you said you would resist the power but you accepted it without struggle so easily"

"No I would neve....."

"But Thine power now dost not lie, you did accept it,

Doctor: (Voice) Sure you didn’t actually say that you accepted it, but you probably thought yes at some point and that is good enough for me.

Trixie: What a load of crap.

you're body does not lie,

Ditzy: What is this a hentai?

even now you have changed you're appearance for you're task, the Twilight which once was is now dead, you need a new name, if not you will be soon found by King Sombra and his black arch mage guards"

Trixie: (Voice) You will now be know as Dark McEdgelord.

"But I......I cant change my name what would I be called, I wouldn't be me anymore I would be changed my destiny is with my friends"

Ditzy: Is that how that works?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

"I suggest you look at thine flank and see what you're cutie mark now holds," Twilight began to turn, in the moonlight her cutie mark had changed, the pink star was now red, A black mist flowed from it, the five stars had become a dark purple

Trixie: (Voice) I used Photoshop’s color balance feature and some mist I found off the internet. It’s totally different now!

and she noticed her fur was much darker, almost black itself, apart from that she could not see anything else so she decided to run to a crystal that was able to act like a mirror ever so slightly, "Oh Celestia, What has happened to me, I..I.I've changed so much," her new horn was twisted like before but had small shards point out at different angles, her hair was longer and more messier with the purple turned to deep crimson and her stripe was now black, same with the tail but the worst was her eyes, slitter like a dragons with blood red pupils,

Doctor: Well, with a look like that I’m sure a new name is all she needs to avoid detection from Sombra’s ponies.

"What have I become,"

Trixie: I’ve become an angsty teenager’s OC!

she stumbled back wards and fell on her flank biting her lip, "OW," she licked her teeth and felt four canines as sharp as a knife on the top and bottom of her mouth, "I..I.I...I I'm a monster"

Doctor: (Twilight) And now I have the sudden craving for chicken for some reason.

"As I had said it would be best if thou changed thine name, you are not you anymore, you are not Twilight Sparkle you are much more than that pathetic excuse for a pony, you are the the suns eclipse, you are Astral Star"

Doctor: That’s a lot better than I thought it would be.

Ditzy: Hey! No mention of darkness or black at all!

"Astral Star, It doesn't sound too bad, I cant keep my old name looking like this, Why would you want too it was shit anyway,

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’ve always wanted to be named Dusk Shine instead!

What was that, who was that, Doesn't matter to us," Twilight started to climb the crystals up to the hole in the roof of the cavern, slipping she grazes herself on the razor sharp rocks but stabilizes herself, the crystal had a black liquid dripping upon it now as she carried on climbing finally reaching the hole and climbing out,

Trixie: Unfortunately, Astral Star got an infection in her legs and died again.

"whatever that voice is its quiet now, where do I go now and you still haven't told me who you are,"

The voice comes back, "I told you Astral that it matters not who I am,

Doctor: Too bad, I’m calling you Nancy now.

only that I am here to help, you're friends will be released from their prisons when Sombra falls, but first we must kill the bug queen, she is to the east many will come to block you're way upon this quest but you're body shall tell you what to do"

Ditzy: (Twilight’s body) Forget revenge, get 30 hayburgers at Wacky Hut! I’m starving here!

Trixie: (Twilight’s body) I also really have to pee.

"What do you mean my body will tell me?" Twilight waited but nopony returned her question only silence and the crickets could be heard in the night air, "Atleast tell me how far I'd have to walk, still she said that my friends could be sav.......," Pain spread through her head, FORGET FRIENDS, FORGET FAMILY, ONLY DEATH, KILL THOSE WHO WRONGED US, KILL, KILL, KILL!!!!!,

Doctor: (Voice) Manos has decreed it.

The voice stopped as Twilight opened her eyes again.

"What was that?"

Ditzy: (Twilight) And why did it forget to turn off the caps lock?

Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 2

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 27 - Part 2

Below the Moonlight

A mare alone in a rock formation at the edge of the canterlot forest, staring at the moon with slight pain lingering in her head, her eyes adjust better to see the white orb surrounded by twinkling lights, "what the hay was that voice, it was.. *gulp* sickening,"

Ditzy: (Twilight) Like toothpaste with orange juice bad.

the voice had curdled her stomacher as it reverberated through her thoughts,

Doctor: And it needed a serious attitude adjustment.

"being turned into this and pushed back out of the cave,I didn't think I could escape that fast, I mean it was just yesterday when we got captured," Twilight suddenly jumped out of shock as a far off siren flared for a few seconds, turning to were she heard the noise she could see smoke rising, luckily it was east, the direction she needed to go.

"Well no point just standing around, first its back to civilization,"

Doctor: (Twilight) And maybe get a snack at the C Store.

Twilight began her walk through the moonlit woods, small growls could be heard in the distance but they never got closer, moving for numerous hours through the woods as her muscles burnt from the exercise, she came to the edge of the forest that crept to the borders of the town, one of the houses had caught alight somehow and was being put out by two ponies, most unusual though was that they weren't in the yellow and red firemen suits but in black hooded cloaks,

Trixie: These fireponies just rushed from an anime convention and didn’t have time to get out of their Organization XIII cosplay.

glancing around further from the shadows she noticed that the rest of the accumulated crowd was also in these cloaks and had an onyx chain dangling from their necks," what the...... they couldn't have taken everypony over so fast,"

Trixie: Or get everypony to agree to wear these horrid things. Some ponies have standards!

Twilight rushed over the tall wall she dangled from and made quick steps to the shadows in between two red buildings.

Ditzy: (Hums Mission Impossible theme)

The alleyway had puddles and a big open trash can,

Doctor: Which Twilight closed absentmindedly out of habit.

a rat was feeding on rubbish as she started to trot down the path, as she did it squeaked and ran away, "why is it so dirty, it never got like this, were is all the ponies who clean these, they usually clean them everyday,"

Doctor: Evil doesn’t believe in cleanliness and good hygiene.

shaking her head she carried flitting in between the shadows of the buildings getting more and more confused by the odd pony who was out for a stroll still in a dark hooded cloak, finally her exhaustion caught up to her she decided to rest, a pile of boxes not so much appealing but still dry non-the-less was a quick fix bed she made, sleep quickly took her as she curled under the cover of the boxes.

Ditzy: Look familiar, Trixie?

Trixie: Please, Trixie never slept in boxes! Cease your lies and slander!

Ditzy: Sorry, it was a bad joke.

Trixie: Yes, it was.

A few hours later as the sun rose

Twilight cracked an eye open as a stream of red light pierced the crack of her makeshift bed, quickly stretching and yawning she pulled herself from the box, jolting in pain from a few scrapes and bruises she caught yesterday from the forest, "Weird.........," as she stared open eyed at the orb in the sky her mouth became agape, the once orange sun that donned the sky was now a deep red,

Trixie: Oh no! Luminus is back and he’s turned the sun red to stop Supermare!

she was even able to stare at the sun feeling no pain in her eyes,

Doctor: So it wasn’t a complete loss.

it changed too fast, not even Sombra and Crysalis should have this amount of power combined,

Ditzy: Wonder Twin powers activate!

"thi....this is impossible even for Celestia in one day," Hoofsteps could be heard down the alley, not knowing what was coming Twilight jumped back in her cover, hearing the steps slow down and then a dumpster lid slam she peaked out for a second before shooting back, two black guards were scanning the area with magic, realizing this she threw a counter spell up so not to be noticed,

Ditzy: (Twilight) And Spike said learning an anti-scanning spell was a waste of time.

as they walked past and turned the corner she came out looking in there direction, "fffeww.. that was close I don't know what I wou....," Suddenly she felt a magical pressure around her waist as she felt a metal blade at her throat, a white muzzle popped into eye view but her eyes could see the black cloak over the ponys head.

Trixie: (Twilight) Doh! I just had to hide in Crime Alley of all places.

A mares voice slightly squeaky came from the muzzle, "Are you one of the guards, answer me and don't make any sudden movements,"

Ditzy: (Twilight) Am I allowed to blink? That technically counts as a sudden movement.

the mare used her light blue magic to turn Astral around slowly a pointed curled lock of pink dangled from the left side of her hood.

Ditzy: Sweetie Belle no!

Astral turned to find a cloaked pony just a bit smaller than herself, "I'm no guard, just a no pony form no where," Astral faked a worried expression like she couldn't counter the spell that the mare had her in,

Trixie: On her character sheet, she had an ability that allowed her to automatically counter being threatened at knife point at will.

It wouldn't be best to cause a problem as soon as I get free from that pit, she fell limp in the magical grasp after a few pretend struggling flaps of her body.

Doctor: (Twilight)(flat) Oh no, please don’t hurt me. I am totally at your mercy and there is no way that I could easily get out of this. Please have mercy.

"Hmm...... Still you look very odd," the mare took her hood down,

Ditzy: That’s fair. Twilight would fit in Sombra’s generic evil click no prob.

similarities sprung from Astral mind to a certain marble white purple maned unicorn friend she knew, apart from the fact that her mane was slightly smaller and was half pink half light purple, her mane covered half her face covering leather straps, "Still you should know better, even if you are homeless you should wear your cloak, everypony no matter who is issued it along with that shitty chain,"

Ditzy: Sombra really really likes Kingdom Hearts.

the mare stamped her hoof and shot her muzzle in the air as her main swished around her head to the other side.

"Rari...Rarity?"

"What did you just say, how do you know that name, TELL ME!!"

Doctor: (Sweetie) It’s impossible that you could just be someone that just happens to know Rarity.

"It cant be, you...... you look different"

Doctor: (Twilight) Have you been working out?

"How do you know my sister, who exactly are you?" The white mare backed away slightly taking a stance that was ready if she needed to use her magic against this individual.

"Oh, what you cant be Sweetie belle, that's impossible, you're a filly, not a teen"

"I'm no teen I'm twenty three this year, and no one calls me that anymore, not since all those years ago," the glare in her eyes sharpened,

Ditzy: Personally I think you should take it as a compliment that somepony thinks you are younger than you actually are.

"so not only my sisters but my name as well, again who. are. You!"

All: Well, who are you?

I really wanna know

Tell me, who are you?

'Cause I really wanna know

Astral sat down an pawed at the ground, how can I tell her, LIE, what?, no I cant do that, JUST DO IT, LIE TO HER, no I'l explain what happened, then get answers to why the world has changed,

Trixie: Just ask the questions already! Some answers are better than none.

"You may not believe what I have to say,"

Ditzy: Story of my life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to say *that** over the years.*

Astral looked up to Sweetie, she nodded to reply her to carry on, "Years ago, I think, myself and five friends tried to stop an evil that wanted to take over equestria, one of those five was you're sister Rarity, after the battle I was locked in the crystal cave, left to die but then I was changed into this, crawled from the pits of darkness to this world that is unknown to me," Astrals face never twitched, it stayed in place.

Doctor: That still doesn’t explain how you lost in the first place.

Ditzy: Yeah!

"But that means you're............... Twilight, but Overlord Sombra

Doctor: (Snorts) Overlord? Someone has gone down in the world.

announced you're death, you have been dead for years now, and you're horn was thrown into the crowd where we were, granny smith even wrapped it in cloth to bring back to ponyville where spike was,

Trixie: (Sweetie) He wears in on his head in remembrance of you.

you died so stop lying you can't be Twilight Sparkle, don't disgrace her memory.

Trixie: (Sweetie) The real Twilight Sparkle would never look that stupid.

I TOLD YOU TO LIE, SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE US, I know but we must make her believe us, "Please understand I don't know what happened to me..." WE DIED, REMEMBER, WE ROTTED AWAY FOR OUR NEW BODY TO GROW,

Ditzy: (Twilight) I didn’t ask you.

Twilight stopped halfway through an explanation as she realized that gruesome voice was interfering with her thoughts,

Doctor: (Twilight) Shut up!

Ditzy: (Voice) No, you shut up!

Doctor: (Twilight) You double shut up!

Ditzy: (Voice) No, triple you shut up!

Doctor: (Twilight) Shut up times infinity!

Ditzy: (Voice) No, you shut up infinity plus one!

Doctor: (Twilight) Gah, I hate you!

not only that, the voice said she had literally died, "I..I remember now, I did die, my body rotted away and from that my new body grew, Sweetie exactly how long have I been dead now?"

"Its been around sixteen years since the announcement of Twilight's death,

Ditzy: (Twilight) Wait, if this is the future, where are the flying cars and hoverboards? What a rip!

*a tear escapes her eye* its also been that long since I have seen Rarity up close, now she is placed amongst the crystalized ponies in the royal chambers,

Ditzy: (Sweetie) Though I do have to admit she makes a pretty fabulous statue.

Doctor: Sombra sure loves that crystal gimmick of his.

If you really are Twilight do something, We have been trying to but with so few numbers we can't"

Doctor: (Sweetie) All we can do is put up posters and graffiti walls with #NotMyOverlord.

"what do you mean 'we'"

"For now I'l try and find some sort of way of believing you since you resemble Twilight slightly but I'm warning you, one wrong move and I'l cut you were you stand, follow me we'll get there soon," Sweetie turned around and shook her head forward to say 'follow me', as she turned the corner the two guards from earlier spotted her, "RUN!!!" she bolted around as Astral followed.

"Whats happening?"

"Those ass' are back again," for a while they were chased many ponies were bumped into but then one of the guards tackled an elderly pony down, Astral noticed this so when they turned another corner she stopped, they turned the corner to follow and found themselves in a constricting grip of magic.

Trixie: Trixie… barely followed that paragraph.

Doctor: Did the author write this while taking a heavy dose of Night Quill?

Astral bared down on the two guards, nostrils flared and her eyes became sharper,

Doctor: (Twilight) Just let me use the Sharpness Filter… there! So clearer now!

"quickly tell me why you chase use or I'm going to clip you're colthoods short, don't waste my time," her magic gripped tighter.

Trixie: (Guard) I...just wanted to get your number... ugh.

Struggling and flailing around in mid air the left pony choked out, "W..w.wanted crimi *urk* criminals for treason against *ARGH!* *Haaa* the empire," after he finished Astral threw the two as fast as her magic could take them and slammed them to the wall,

Doctor: (Guard) I’m okay! Just a little bruised. Don’t mind me.

she turned and caught up with Sweetie by using a teleportation spell.

*PUFF*,

Trixie: (Snorts) Puff? Really? That’s your teleporting sound effect?

Ditzy: It kinda suits a genie more than a unicorn.

"so, all this time and you become a criminal against the so called empire?" giving a quick eye a turn over the pony on her right.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) Yeah, it’s awesome! I have a 100,000 bit bounty on my head!

"What, don't expect me or the others to conform to their sick and twisted attitudes of using their chains to take our magic and freedom, I would never agree to that."

Ditzy: (Sweetie) And my sister would have a heart attack at the mandated fashion sense.

they carried on running for a while passing many houses and trees

Doctor: They ran past the same background that looped endlessly.

and then entered the train station without being noticed, once in they boarded a train going north, WE SHOULD BE GOING EAST, we need to find out who Sweeties friends are first maybe they can help, WHAT AND BE EXTRA TARGETS FOR US, I would never hurt them

Ditzy: Oh you murder voice. Stop being silly.

For around three hours they were in a steamy compartment of the train

Trixie: The train had a built in spa.

only the sounds of the clunking track could be heard above the toots of the train.

Arriving at Ponyville

The ride wasn't the most comfortable,

Doctor: Sombra dictated that all train seats should be uncomfortable as part of his senselessly evil mandates.

Astral has never had to hide while riding a train before, every second was tense as the black guards of the train would pass the small gaps where they were led, on arrival they both sped out of Ponyvilles train station passing the guards without being noticed,

Doctor: (Guard) Say Bill look at that unicorn over there. What the hay is up with her?

Ditzy: (Other guard) Foals nowadays. I never understand their bizarre new trends. Just ignore them.

not much changed for the village apart from a few minor changes such as the butique was borded up,

Trixie: And the three new Starbucks that sprouted up over the last few years.

they passed by it fast, before long they were nearing the barnyard Applejack use to live in,

Trixie: Is this implying that the pony in the hat lives in a barn?

a red stallion was out on the field pulling a big piece of metal that churned the dirt, he looked back to Sweetie and nodded, nodding back they entered the house.

Again just like she remembered, the wooden chairs and clock on the wall and simple atmosphere, apart from the numerous ponies that inhabited the room, a little colt ran through the room and bumped his head on Astral falling backwards, A mare rushed through after him, she had a large red bow above her right ear, "Corey Jack stop right there ya lit'l varmit! Oh Sweetie," she turned her head up and hugged sweetie before turning to Astral, "and this would be?"

"Its Twil.." she was suddenly interrupted, "I'm Astral Star," she turned her head and winked at Sweetie Belle, "I was told that you ponies are against the royals at what they are doing,

Trixie: (Applebloom) Indeed! Down with Princess Celestia and Luna! Freedom and democracy for all!

I also noticed that the ponies here don't wear cloaks," she then looked down at the mares neck, the same onyx chain dangled from it, she cringed at the sight of it.

"This lil thing, ah know its not a gud thin to look at but now ta av a gud life ya hafta have one of these things to do evry thing nowadays"

Trixie: ...Did anypony get a word of that?

Ditzy: Misspelling every word is a great way to convey a southern accent.

"I just wish you would take it off when you're in the house, plus I'm sure Corey doesn't like to see her mom in chains,"

Trixie: This isn’t that type of story you sickos!

she put a hoof on the young colts head and scruffed his mane.

Doctor: (Corey) Darn it. I spent the last few hours feathering my mane too!

A colt wandered from the kitchen, he was a cream, red maned colt, "I agree with Sweetie on this one Hun, you really should take that off, ain'tit heavy?"

"I ain't no weak lass, I have my sisters blood in me, us apples are a strong family plus you yourself are still wearing you're magic sapper Butter Scotch," she sauntered over to the colt and tapped his horn that had a ring placed around it.

"You know this is different from that chain"

"Well never mind any of that crap, if ya a friend of Sweet you a friend ta us"

"Thanks Applebloom," Astral began to walk in as they all stopped what they were doing.

"I never mentioned mah name, huh, did you already, wait even if Sweet did tell you, you wouldn't know if it was me or the other two mares, Sweetie! who is she," A stern look came across appleblooms face, her hooves ushered Corey away from the room, glaring daggers once again Astral huffed and pointed for Sweetie to talk.

SMOOTH MOVES THERE JACKASS, shut up it was a slip of tongue

Trixie: (Twilight) I’m not a spy!

A few minutes pass, tears were shed and then Astral began to tell them memories to prove she was Twilight, after long she had explained how she changed, many just cringed and felt sorry for her but some faces in the room never lost their own suspicious looks.

"and after that we arrived hear the rest is history, I need to defeat Sombra to free you're sister and my other friends, one thing I just have to ask where is scootaloo, I've been here for nearly an hour and I'm sure I should have seen her by now, you CMC were inseparable as fillys," Astral knew straight away that what she said struck a nerve, their faces grew dark.

Applebloom came over, "Erm Twi...Astral I think you should come with me, shes upstairs," if the air was any more tense you could literally see it, after rising the stairs they walked to the very end door, *knock* *knock* "Scoot, I'm C'min in," no words came just a mumble like something had muffled her words.

Astral was shocked, the young orange and purple filly she use to know was sat up in bed, although she was not a filly any more she had not grown much, "This is what happened to Scoot, Twilight.. I mean Astral, a lot has changed, this is what happens when you go against the guards," the young mare who sat in the bed dribbled slightly, "Oh dangit weresa tissue, here yar Scoot"

"hannn uuu," Scootaloo was torn physically, her face was slashed and having most of her tongue was gone, her right eye was milky, and her wings and one hoof was missing leaving only bandages, "ss hhdat hrely hu hriilight,"

Trixie: ...What the hay do you say to that?

Ditzy: At least she kept her good sense of humor?

Applebloom was tearing up, scootaloos left hoof rose up and wiped the tears, "Thank ya Scoot, Astral this is what happens, this is why Sweetie has to cover her face and this is why," she turned around and showed a wooden appendage for a back leg, "we were all tortured, we were caught stealing food in canterlot to help some of the people here,

Ditzy: I guess because he’s evil, Sombra doesn’t believe in things like food stamps.

Scoot tried to defend us, that sick twisted bitch was in the castle that day tho, we had to watch her bite and claw through her skin, then she went to town on us, she plucked Sweeties eye out of its sockets and ate the thing,

Doctor: Well, they do say the eyeball is one of the most nutritious part of the body.

I don't want this world for Corey Twilight.......Please do something, we want retribution,

Trixie: We got our religion, we got everything to ease the pain

We want retribution, we want everything to ease the shame

No victory in vain

we need you and mah sister and the rest of the Elements Twi er I mean Astral," Scoot pulled her friend into an embrace then looked up to Astral with her good eye.

The word may have been jumbled but it was clear with its intent, "VVVEENGHEAANCE!!" the venom dripped from Scootaloos torn lips.

Sweetie Belle was stood at the door, now Astral knew why she seemed so cold now apart from the filly she use to know, the nickname Robot clearly fit now,

Doctor: I would have gone with pirate myself.

Ditzy: Finally after a hundred uses, the nickname Robot is finally explained!

"Hey Applebloom we goin on a food run, do you or Big mac need anything apart from the usual," Applebloom just shook her head as a reply, "K, we'll be back at dawn, Astral make yourself at home an go meet the guys, some might be who you know already and there is some new faces, be back tommorow," leaving the room.

Doctor: (Apple Bloom) And make you you get the extra crunchy peanut butter this time!

"Shes right we need to catch up, Corey darlin go get a new towel for auntie Scoot will ya,

Ditzy: (Sweetie) Get the one with the humans on it. She’s likes that one.

Go on downstairs Astral I'l be down in a while"

"Alright I'l see you soon," Astral left the room, and began to walk downstairs as Sweetie was leaving, she gave a quick wave, MORE TIME WASTED, WE SHOULD BE KILLIN THAT BITCH OF A QUEEN, one day, just one day and we can go is that too much

Doctor: (Voice)(Whiny) But I want to go now! This is so not far!

The night went by quickly, card games and getting to know Corey,

Ditzy: Exodia Obliterate!

Trixie: I activate my trap card!

after talking to everypony and getting to know them the only one who was still edgy was a cream pegasus mare named Noi,

Ditzy: But don’t worry about her. She won’t even appear in this fic.

still it didn't matter, they were safe and she could set off east in the mourning, everything was going great, until...........................

Trixie: They ran out of Corn Flakes.

Ditzy: The author’s keyboard broke.

Episode 27 - Night Fall Equestria - Part 3

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 27 - Part 3

To The East

Astral rose up from where she lay, she could see nothing around her, just a pitch black darkness, "wh..where am I," the vale of darkness seemed to move ever so slightly, Astral began to hyper ventilate, she was alone in this dark world,

Ditzy: And much to her horror, she was a bunny rabbit now.

"WHOSTHERE!!" the black parted way letting a red mist leak through.

Doctor: (Twilight) Marco! Marco!

A deep voice reverberated through the room with bass,

Ditzy: (Voice) Let’s drop some wubs!

"you are where you need to be, my little birdie," a pair of red eyes with a slit going both through and down peered from the darkness at Astral.

Trixie: (Twilight) Thanks, that’s helpful. Just answer the darn question.

The eyes seeped through every contour of Astrals mind like there was no space between the two creatures in the darkness,

Doctor: (Voice)(Snorts) You like My Little Human? Really?

"w..what are you," backing away Astral asks, the eyes didn't stay in place though as they turned to red mist and drifted at lightning speeds behind the mare.

Astral stopped in her tracks at the muzzle that now stood from the darkness with a grin that could match any chesire cat, but these teeth were serrated like that of a saw,

Ditzy: But with a serious case of gingervitis!

"Oh my dear Astral, you should know this most, you know me so well how can you not recognize me,"

Trixie: (Voice) It’s me, your uncle Frank! How have you been?

Astral fell backwards as her eyes widened, the figure stood before her a mixture of purple and red, almost a physical form but still that of mist, "yes, you know me best of all, as you say great minds think alike"

Doctor: (Twilight) You’re Trixie aren’t you! Somehow you’ve invaded my mind!

Trixie: (Voice) What? No… no! Ugh, just...think about it... purple. This isn’t hard.

Doctor: (Twilight) Nope. Still no idea who you are.

Twilight: (Voice) Ugh.

"NO!! not you, I cant be........................

early mourn sunshine

Astral sprung from the bed she lay in, sweat dripped profusely off her muzzle as she panted gasping for air, "I cant be,"

Trixie: (Twilight) If I ever do go all dark side I would hope to have better teeth than that.

Doctor: (Twilight) That nightmare was almost as bad as the one where I overslept and missed a test!

just after these words Applebloom walked through the guest room door.

"Canbe whut, Astral"

Ditzy: Oh come on!

Trixie: The author might as well randomly smack the keyboard. It can’t be as incoherent as Applebloom’s normal dialogue.

"Its nothing Applejack............. oops sorry, hehe Y'know you look so much like your sister now, almost identical if it weren't for the red mane and bow,

Doctor: It is almost as if they used a lazy recolor for her character model.

guess I'm still waking up *YAWN* whats for breakfast," putting her arms back down to her sides and blinking a few times to get the sleep from her eyes.

A smile was on Appleblooms face, "waffles with lots of hunny, fresh from mrs hunnybottoms farm,"

Doctor: Editing of Night Fall Equestria was done by Winnie the Pooh.

Trixie: That would explain a lot actually.

she pondered into the room and lay down the wooden tray that was on her back onto the side table, "heres a glass of water be down in ten for the waffles hun, Sweetiebelle ul be back in half hour or so, ahl go get those waffles ready"

Doctor: Hopefully, her cooking is better than her diction.

"Cya Applebloom be there in a few minutes," waffles sounded great to Astral *gurgle*, also to her stumoche, but there was another thought that seeped into her mind since last night, I wonder if Spike is ok, last night Applebloom said he still runs the library,

Ditzy: After having everything he’s known and loved violently torn away from him, including two mother figures? Ehhh...I’m sure he’s fine. Don’t worry about it.

glugging the water down and running through to the toilet Astral made her way downstairs.

Trixie: (Smirks) And yet no shower Trixie see. Can’t say Trixie is surprised.

Ditzy: Yeah, why isn’t she taking a bath? She probably smells like death, literally.

The light blue furniture was just right of the staircase, in the middle of the table lay a great pile of toasted brown waffles, with golden hunny dripping over the edges,

Ditzy: We should get some waffles after this for dinner. I’m getting kinda hungry.

Doctor and Trixie: Fine by me.

at the far end of the table was a mischievous little colt trying to reach for a head start on the mountain of food, a high pitched voice came from his direction, "Ah almost got it," suddenly a hoof swattered at his head with a light thump, "OW, WATCHA DO THAT FO MOM!"

Applebloom glared daggers at the young'n, "Y'know it aint fair on other people if only you get to start ya food first, wait for everypony else before starting"

"But mom I might get my cutie mark in waffle eating"

Trixie: (Corey) And just think of the multiple job opportunities that might provide!

"Ah told ya before, when you're ready your cutie mark will reveal itsel, now sit down still and wait for, Oh Astral just in time," Astral walked through and sat down on another chair, "this little bugger was about to go nuts on the waffles tryin ta get his cutie mark"

Trixie: (Applebloom) Maybe it isn’t too late for me to skip town and actually try to achieve my dreams instead of being a housewife.

Astral placed a hoof to her mouth letting a giggle escape her lips, "Guess like mother like son then, did you know your mother was a cutie mark crusader, that reminds me when did you get yours Applebloom, erm is that a hammer with an apple emblem, you always was handy with fixing things"

Trixie: Fixing anything but sentences at least.

"There was an accident that happened at the farm a few years before Corey was born, when we were fixin it mah cutie mark popped on,

Trixie: (Applebloom) I got it while fixing a toilet.

when I weren't even trying to fand a cutie mark either, guess mah sis was right so I've been telling Corey the same things Sis told me," one of her hooves was placed on Coreys blond mane, it was scruffy but cute at the same time, he also has three freckles underneath each eye.

"Mom whats a cutie mark crusader," Applebloom just blushed at this comment, "is it some club or something"

Ditzy: (Sighs) Here we go…

Doctor: Oh great.

Trixie: Trixie’s a little confused. What exactly is the problem here?

Doctor: I’ll explain later.

Trixie: Could you stop saying that? It’s really annoying Trixie.

"Ahl save that story for another day,

Trixie: (Corey) That’s BS mom. You’re just putting it off so I forget about it.

isnt benchmark and Frostina waiting for you, you have to get going to school soon, quickly each your waffles then set off ok and dont forget your coat its cold out today,"

Doctor: Thankfully Sombra didn’t require foals to wear his cosplay outfits too. He isn’t that much of a monster.

Applebloom took a seat next to Corey to begin breakfast.

After they finished Applebloom went upstairs to wake scootaloo for her breakfast, when she did the front door open as Astral was passing it, Sweetie Belle walked in, "Hey sweetie bel....... whats wrong," Sweetie belle looked at Astral like she just lost her soul.

Ditzy: She sold it for 5 bit to win a bet.

"They got Talon............. they killed him on sight, he had no chance," tears began to stream down her face,

Ditzy: Dear Celestia! Not… wait who?

"I stood there in the shadows, he saw me and shook his head for me to stay where I was, I saw it all, they tortured him,

Doctor: Have we established that Sombra and his forces are evil yet?

Trixie: (Sweetie) They shouted annoying and outdated memes nopony even remembers anymore! Those monsters!

there was so much blood, a full eight minutes before they would let him die," In her remaining green eye, deep hatred dwell within as the tears fell down from her muzzle, "they need to die, all of them," Astral ran over and wrapped the young mare in a gripping hug.

Trixie: (Twilight) Shhh… Don’t worry. I will make sure Sombra is force fed his own testicles by the end of the day.

"Calm down and just let it all out, don't hold back your tears," Sweeties grip was almost bone crushing as she waled at the front door, luckily they weren't loud enough to disturb Applebloom upstairs as the noise was muffled by Astrals fur, "I will fix this all, don't you worry"

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’ve always wanted to try necromancy!

Sweetie Belle looked up from the wet patch that was now on Astrals chest, "take me with you to wherever it is you're going, I want to see that tyrant bastard Sombra die with my own eye," her tears turned into a snarl,

Ditzy: Transformers. More than meets the eye!

the hatred clear as the words turned to venom.

"Sweetie it is too dangerous don't argue with me on this, just trust me.."

Ditzy: (Twilight) I’ll just upload it to Ponytube for you instead.

"But you know what they will do if you're alone...... they'll kill you too just like everypony who is captured"

"Sweetie I'm not the SNIVELING LITTLE SHIT TWILIGHT ANYMORE!!" Astral raised her voice making Sweetie retreat ever so slightly,

Trixie: (Twilight) I’m a super powerful dark and edgy version of Twilight that shouts a lot.

"I..I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I don't know what came over me"

Ditzy: (Twilight) Hit the Caps Lock by accident. Silly me.

"what was that red mist that came out of your eyes"

"What do you mean red mist," Astral moved to a mirror and checked her eyes, no mist just her new ruby red eyes, "there isn't any mist what are you talking about?"

"you had red mist and your teeth were sharp, your appearance changed for a second, what happened to make you like this?" Sweetie Belle moved over out of curiosity forgetting that the same mare just shouted at her.

For a few minutes the pair checked through the changed features of Astral new body, Applebloom came downstairs to Sweetie on the far end of Astral, it painted quite a picture as it looked like the pair was smooching in the doorway, "*CLEARS THROAT* well definitely a way to greet one another"

Doctor: There’s the wacky misunderstanding.

Trixie: What is this? Three's Company episode?

"Hmm what now, whatcha mean Applebloom," Sweeties head popped above Astrals back and then she realized how it would look to her from the other side, "Its not what it looks like I'm just getting a better look at her new looks"

"whatever just don't let Corey see non of it,

Doctor: (Applebloom) We can’t have him catch the gay now ya hear.

got it Sweetie, he nearly saw you and that other mare toot sweet smoochin before," Applebloom stated flatly.

Sweetie just huffed, "It was just once and he didn't see nothin"

Ditzy: Get with the program AB, this is the 21st century and there is nothing wrong with letting foals seeing two mares kissing. Yeesh.

Astral moved back a bit with a surprised face, "wait you like mares, wow everything did change,

Doctor: (Twilight) After all, nopony is born gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that of course!

I thought you actually liked spike for a while after my brothers wedding, although weird you two were sweet together,

Trixie: (Twilight) Sweet together. Sweetie Belle. I made a funny!

that reminds me do you know whether Spike would be still at the library?"

Ditzy: (Twilight) And that it is organized and still strictly adheres to the dewey decimal system?

"Ah would think he would still be there at this time yeah, its only two so he shud be sortin the books at the moment,"

Doctor: (Twilight)(Sniffs) Good old Spike making sure everything is organized.

Applebloom walked to the kitchen with the plates that Scootaloo just had her food off of, "why you thinkin of goin seeing him?"

"I think it would be best if I leave him alone

Doctor: (Twilight) Let him go the rest of his life thinking the motherly pony he loves is still dead.

but I just can't do that I need to see him so I'l be back soon and then I have to set off to the east, there is somepony there expecting a visit from me," Astral nodded then began to head for the door.

Ditzy: Oh, Goody! I wonder who it is. Zecora?

Trixie: Crawling on her hooves and knees begging for the humble and meek Trixie’s neverending geniousity and help?

Sweetie quickly grabbed her hoof, "wear this," she handed Astral a black cloak, "you know what happens to those without them,

Doctor: The fashion police comes after them!

we both know that too well by now," sorrow deep in her voice,

Trixie: Sombra loves to enforce his Hot Topic lifestyle.

"I'l break the news to Applebloom whilst you're gone seeing Spike"

Trixie: What news? Oh right, that pival character everypony loves who just died!

"Alright I'm off then be back around half three," she waved a hoof at the two mares before leaving the door.

It was a quick journey with not much hassle, same old ponyville just with the odd few black guard here and there, there it was, the big tree that was once her home, The open sign is there so he must be in, Astral began to walk up to the door but before she could knock on the door she stopped,

Doctor: It’s a public library, you don’t need to knock.

its been so long to him, what if this shocks him too much pus he'll be a teen now,but zbefore she could turn away the door opened to a grinning Spike.

"Heya, I thought I heard somepony outside and its a new face too don't worry I don't bite come on in," the little purple dragon she knew wasn't so little anymore,

Ditzy: Yeah, look at those rippling muscles!

he was a head height above her now even with her little growth spurt, he also had wings now, you really have grown Spike, I just wish I was here to see it nut I can't change what has happened, "Erm this might sound weird but you seem very familiar, both your looks and aura feel very............... erm comforting, ur I didn't mean to gross you out or anything but its just what I feel"

Trixie: (Spike) It's handy that I have my library card because I'm totally checking you out.

Astral sighed and released as much pressure as she could, "Its ok Spike, you know me quite well, you've grown so much in the time I've been gone, I might not look the same though"

Spikes eyes widened, "Twilight?"

Astral moved forward and nuzzled Spike, "you've definatly grown if can see my aura now,

Ditzy: Cuz that’s always been a thing.

sixteen years, its not a long time for a dragon but so much has changed,"

Ditzy: Insert sex joke here.

Astral could feel something tugging at her throat as tears began to streak her face, "I'm so glad I can see you again"

Doctor: (Twilight) First step, a checklist for getting the library properly organized!

Spike grabbed a hold of Astral, "I thought you were dead, and you look so different but its you, your smell the way you move and talk,

Trixie: (Spike) I would recognize that sweaty nerd complexion anywhere!

its really you isn't it, I'm not having another night terror am I, I'm not dreaming that sadistic dream again am I where your taken from me again,"

Ditzy: (Spike) By crabs. I never really understood that part.

Spike moved away but never let go, "your really here, I'm not dreaming, quick come in before the black guards get a wiff of your magic," Spike pulled Astral into the building and moved to the kitchen.

The library didn't change much apart from looking a little more worn down and the new additions to the library,

Doctor: It has a jacuzzi now. It was Spike innovative idea to get ponies into the library.

"Twilight what happened to you, your physically different now, I could tell from sight and physical observations, I can see your spiritual form now,

Ditzy: A beaver.

It isn't purple anymore its red and is flowing around like a mist, unlike the usual flow of a stream. Its more like that of Celestia now."

Ditzy: Oh goody, does that mean she has cool multi-colored wavy hair now?

"First thing first, I have changed my name for obvious reasons,

Ditzy: Too bad. I’m still calling you Twilight.

I've changed it to Astral, so from now on when we meet call me that so that no guards find the name Twilight, even if I weren't me but had the name Twilight they would inspect me never-the-less, okay?"

Doctor: Those Twilights, always trouble.

"alright"

"Now as to why I have changed so much, I'l make it simple, I have no clue, when I was locked up I DID in fact die down there but when I woke up I heard a........... well lets say someone helped me, and the next time I saw myself I looked like this," Spike stood up and moved over to the doorway of the kitchen.

Ditzy: (Spike) Wait, if you’re dead...then doesn’t that mean you’re a z-z-z-zombie?! Please don’t eat my brains!

"Well, I won't ask anymore, you're back and that is all that matters to me, do you want a cup of tea and some biscuits,

Doctor: (Spike) And some brains?

Ditzy: (Twilight) Darn it Spike! I’m not a zombie!

I'l make your favourite, be right back," Spike went through the door and Astral saw a singe tear fall from the drakes face,

Doctor: He saw someone littering on the road.

sniffing could be heard lightly over the kettle.

Trixie: Tears are a key ingredient to Sparkle’s favorite tea.

Many hours passed, more than she wanted to spend at Spikes due to the danger she was bringing him,

Ditzy: If this ends with Spike getting tortured and killed, I am quitting.

they shared stories until late into the night, by the time Spike began to get tired it was too dark to head back to Apple Acres,

Doctor: And Twilight was too lazy to teleport back.

"Stop hear tonight, Your room is the same as when you left, I didn't have the heart to change,"

Doctor: (Spike) That also meant it was never cleaned. I hope you don’t mind that smell of dust and mildew.

they ascended the stairs as Spike opened the door, "See, nothings changed, Its all as you left it Twi.. Astral"

"Spike I'm sorry I left you alone so many years but I'm back to correct my mistakes and rid equs of that villain for good, I'l see you tomorow before I set off to the train station, night Spike"

Spike moved to his room, leaving Astral to her own thoughts, well that was an eventful day, Yawning she made her way over to her bed and lay her head down as sleep took her away.

In the realm of Dreams

Astral looked at her surroundings, white sand surrounded her for miles as the blue and green orb in the sky covered the sun, its quite beautiful up here

"Thou hasn't spent a millennium here yet child,yes its beautiful but it is a desolate cold place," the voice spoke from behind Astral,

Doctor: (Voice) And has mobile prices that should be illegal.

Astral turned around to face the voice, an alicorn with a mane of stars walking toward her, although regal the mare had slitted eyes like that of a dragon and she had canines that were pointed, "Its finally nice to meet thee Astral face to face, you don't look like such a worn anymore with your new looks"

"I've heard that voice before," Astral was interupted by another deeper voice but still recognizable as a mares

"of course shithead, she is the one who made us," Another figure came from the alicorns shadow, such as the alicorn this pony had a flowing mane but it was red and had blotches of black drifting through it like sludge,

Doctor: Evil doesn’t believe in bathing.

"for us being so smart we are so stupid, I cannot believe you are my host"

"your the mare thats in my head, your Eclipse aren't you?"

All: (Groan)

Ditzy: Oh, come on! Not Eclipse Shadow again.

Trixie: Great, more endless talk about ‘the darkness’.

"Give the mare a prize,

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh! Can I get a giant teddy bear?

nice one genius what made you think that, so stupid, fucking rediculous,"

Doctor: Language, young lady!

Ditzy: And use swears that actually make sense!

both mares walked forward and took a side on either side of Astral.

"If you want true beauty child,

Trixie: Visit Mane Success Salon & Day Spa in Canterlot.

it is down on Equs, luscious green grass but now it is being corrupted by the king of nightmares, my power fades as he grows and you are the only one in my place who can rid the darkness, you did it once with the elements but now that is useless, the only way to victory now is by using dark magic to counter sombras attacks"

Trixie: Really? You want her to get rid of the darkness… by using darkness?

All the mares were stairing at the blue orb until Astral turned to the alicorn, "Princess Celestia told me that using dark magic will take control of me if I use it..."

Ditzy: That and it seems really painful to use.

"That was before Child, that was the sniveling bookworm Twilight who was too weak and would submit to the darkness with ease, now you are a creature of the darkness, you are ECLIPSE!!"

Trixie: Everypony playing around with dark powers says that. “Oh I’ll be the one that won’t be corrupted by the dark side where everypony else has failed.”

Ditzy: Speaking from personal experience, are we?

Trixie: Stuff it.

the alicorns wings extended as she said Eclipse, "now you control the darkness, you control the fate of this world, you. control, death. Itself."

Doctor: (Twilight) Wait, this is perfect! I can bring my friends back and we can use the Elements to kick Sombra’s crystal-loving flank!

maniacal laughter came from Eclipses side, "you really think she can do it, you know she will give into me, after such I will kill you nightmare and become the queen of the nightmares myself,

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I shall be known as Nightmare Eclipse!

Trixie: (Nightmare)(Snorts) How original. How long did it take you to think that one up?

Ditzy: (Eclipse) S-shut up!

after which comes the rest, Sombra then Celestia, Equestria will be mine when Astral falls," the words came with venom intact as the waves of words slammed into the pair.

Doctor: Like literally. Words actually appeared in the air and straight up hit them.

"I cannot wait for the day that happens so I can put your sniveling existence in its place," the navy blue mare turned her muzzle to the sky in a show boating way, "and when I do I'll make you my slave for eternity, so remember Astral if you fall I will have your body, I'l be waiting for you to kill Sombra," she placed a hoof upon Astral,

Ditzy: Bad touch.

"But for now its time you went back to reality," blue hue surrounded Astral as she rose into the air, all of a sudden she was hurtling towards the blue planet, as she entered the atmos she started to burn up, her skin melted and she could feel every intense pain as she hurtled towards her target, a town that surrounded a tree, she hit the tree with a large explosion

Ditzy: (Shakes head) Too soon. Not cool.

She bolted up from bed with streams of sweat dripping from her muzzle, that was the strangest dream,

Trixie: (Twilight) Still better than the dream where I got an A- on a math quiz!

panting for breathe just like the last time she regained composure for the day ahead, I can't lose to Eclipse, no matter what happens I won't lose

Ditzy: Considering that you haven’t even attempted to solve any of your problems with friendship, yeah, I think the darkness is going to win this one.

Doctor: And the word ‘Fall’ is in the title.

“What are you doing?” The Doctor asked.

"Setting up traps," Trixie replied like it was obvious. She was setting up a machination that would set off a bunch of old cans if somepony tripped the sting in one of the corridors. It was designed to be armed with little difficulty at night.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Why?” Ditzy walked up behind him and also gave Trixie an expecting look.

“Simple. Trixie doesn’t want creatures like Eclipse Shadow sneaking up on us again. We both know the story we just read won’t end with hugs and friendship.” Trixie explained. “If for whatever reason that Eclipse enters our world again, Trixie wants to be prepared.” The last thing she wanted was being attacked by some power hungry loon while unaware.

The Doctor brightened. “Not a bad idea.” He looked over the design and gave an approving smile.

“Hey, that’s actually a good idea!” Ditzy said beaming. “Things do tend to get a little weird around here.”

The Doctor nodded. “Better safe than sorry.”

"I'm surprised you can even make something like this, Trix," Ditzy said impressed.

Trixie snorted. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is one of the most skilled magicians in all of Equestria. It is a simple matter for her to—"

The Doctor interrupted her. “What our stage magician friend is trying to say is she is skilled at using and designing all sorts of subtle and cunning devices for her tricks. Trixie is actually pretty good with her hooves in both tricks of illusion and construction.”

The interruption ruffled Trixie but she tried to ignore it and nodded. “Trixie’s uncle is a carpenter. He’s taught Trixie a trick or two.”

Ditzy nodded and smiled. “Ah, okay.”

Trixie sighed inwardly. Ponies always underestimated her. Still, she appreciated getting some recognition from her new friends.

The Doctor waved a hoof and made his way for one of the doors. “I’ll leave you to it.”

Ditzy blinked. “You don’t want to help?”

The Doctor shook his head. “No, this is her project. We would just get in the way.” He gave a knowing smile. “Besides, these little projects are a good way to keep yourself busy and sane.” Ditzy nodded and joined him.

There were other reasons of course. This would also give Trixie a great excuse to examine every nook and cranny of the facility. She planned on probing every part until she found something she could use. If Dinky thought this place could hold an escape master like Trixie, then she was sorely mistaken.

"But Thine power now dost not lie, you did accept it, you're body does not lie, even now you have changed you're appearance for you're task, the Twilight which once was is now dead, you need a new name, if not you will be soon found by King Sombra and his black arch mage guards"

Episode 2 - Guardians of Magic - Chapter 1

Finally done with this chapter. I had a bit of trouble with this one. Still, next chapter Sora and his friends show up. Really looking forward to doing that chapter. Shire Folk has an...interesting approach to their characters. I am not sure how long it will take me to finish chapter 2. It’s over 13,000 words. Why Shire Folk? Why?

Special thanks to Shire Folk for letting me use his story.

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 2

It had been a very interesting week. This facility the Doctor and Ditzy were trap in was full of oddities and surprises. The walls and floor for example, they weren’t just any ordinary metal but seemed be made of some sort of living metal. At least, that is what the Doctor theorized. He called it Equsinitium. The real surprise was when the Doctor openly complained on the second day about the lack of color and the need for at least a potted plant. The next day the entire facility changed itself. Instead of plain metal walls and floor, it was replaced with pleasant light blue walls that appeared to be made out of wood with hard dark brown wooden floors with pure white baseboards. Hanging potted plants could be found throughout the facility of various types of ferns.

After recovering from the shock of this unexpected development, the Doctor and Ditzy tested to see if they could cause other changes in their environment. When the Doctor complained about the small selection of books given to them, the next day he found a newer and better library with an impressive selection of books. Soon the two found themselves with a new garden, a workroom, a better kitchen, and a pool with a Jacuzzi (Ditzy always complained about the Tardis’s pool not have one). For some reason however, it refused to give them two beds or at least another place for the Doctor to sleep.

Whatever caused this gave the Doctor all sorts of tools, parts, and equipment to work with. Unfortunately, whenever the Doctor tried to invent something that could get them out of this, vital parts of the device just vanished. No matter what he tried, it never worked. He tried making complex or deceptive designs that made it very difficult to discern how it worked or what even the vital components of the device were. And yet, still somehow they were disabled. However, the Doctor refused to give up and was currently working on something he was sure was going to work this time. The Doctor found all this rather fun. He knew it would be only a matter of time until he outsmarted the system controlling this facility. At least, he hoped he would.

The Doctor noted that their surroundings were subtlety and not so subtlety changing to better suit its prisoners. Ditzy said it was probably nanomachines. They always seemed to be behind these sort of things. The Doctor, however, suspected that it was done through interactive holograms controlled by a very advanced and clever AI. The big question is why? Why go through so much trouble to make them so unbelievably comfortable? This was starting to make the Doctor uneasy.

The Doctor and Ditzy were currently strolling through the garden. The Doctor always liked doing this. He often spent hours in the garden of his Tardis. It helps him relax and cleared his thoughts. They had a half an hour until the next experiment began. A helpful clock appeared a day after they arrived telling how long they had until the next experiment.

The two walked together in silence. The Doctor looked lost in thought and Ditzy didn’t want to disrupt him. She rather enjoyed these walks with him even if they didn’t really say anything. She never really understood much of the things he said anyway. She marveled at the scene around them. They were surrounded by hundreds of different plants with the biggest flower beds she had ever seen. She saw sunflowers, tulips, daisies, lilies, and roses just to name a few. There were brilliant pearl white archways covered in pink roses. In the distance she even saw a little creak. The fact that all this could appear over night was astounding and the plants appeared to be real.

“Doctor.” Ditzy finally said after some time. “What sort of villain locks up his captives in paradise?”

The Doctor appeared to be considering this. “If you can even call him that.” The Doctor paused again for a moment. He walked up to a nearby tulip and ate it. “He acts like he a maniacal sinister villain and yet he gives us this.”

The Doctor gestured to their surroundings. “And then he makes us read fan fiction. I fail to see what sort of data he could get from that or what he could even use it for.”

“Maybe he wants us in prime condition before he breaks our will with each fan fic he gives us?” Ditzy guessed. “But something about Mr. X gives me the feeling that he doesn’t actually mean us any harm.”

The Doctor nodded in agreement. Mr. X didn’t give the impression that he was as mean as he was trying to act. But one big question remained, why did he trap them here? They heard a loud buzzing in the background. It seems it was time for the experiment.

“Well my little test subjects, how are you doing today?” Mr. X said when the Doctor and Ditzy entered the main room.

“Just fine.” The Doctor said simply. Ditzy nodded in agreement.

“That’s good. Today’s experiment will be the first chapter of Guardians of Magic by Shire Folk.” Mr. X then gave an evil laugh. “Enjoy”

“Wait!” The Doctor raised a hoof when he said this. “How about some questions first? Like…”

“No questions!” Mr. X interrupted him before he got a chance to ask anything. “You are my test subjects and that is all you need to know.”

The Doctor sighed. “Oh course.” He knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Now time for the experiment!” An alarm sounded as soon as he said this.

“Well it was worth a try.” The Doctor said wearily.

“Ready Doctor?” The Ditzy yelled since the alarm was so loud. The Doctor nodded and the two entered the theater.

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If you haven’t seen my pledge to three reviewers in the comments section belowthen I shall say it here.

Ditzy: You’re not partaking of food or water until you get a Tvtropes page?

If you’ve been wanting a good Kingdom Hearts/MLP crossover fic where it’s not just Heartless attack, Sora and crew come to mop up, Keyhole gets sealed, and everybody leaves happy…don’t come here.

Doctor: So many ponies are going to end up dead then?

Ditzy: I’m worried for Twilight and her friends now.

Everypony can still be happy at the end of the Equestria world and all, but I get characters off of their butts and out of their worlds to help save the damn universe and fight the bad guys.

Ditzy: So...we are going to see ponies in other worlds?

My Sora and Kairi eviscerate the concept of World Order.

Doctor: Maybe Hulk Hogan will get a keyblade and join them?

If you want them to stay in Equestria, go somewhere else. Otherwise, pack your bags, hold onto your hats and prepare for Kingdom Hearts and My Little Pony, SHIRE FOLK STYLE!

Ditzy: Do you think that is some sort of dance?

Disclaimer: I’ll take “Things I Don’t Own” for $400.

Doctor: Talent?

Ditzy: Writing skill?

What are Kingdom Hearts and My Little Pony? Captain Cloudhammer is also property of Cloudhammer.

Ditzy: Speaking of keyblades, do you think I might get one?

Doctor: A muffin shaped keyblade perhaps?

Ditzy: A muffin...what? That’s ridiculous! Why would I...

Doctor: Well...it’s just that...

Ditzy: Doctor, I’m not obsessed with muffins.

Doctor: Really? You eat them everyday.

Ditzy: I just happen to like muffins a lot. That’s all.

Doctor: Fine. Besides, if anyone is going to get a keyblade, it’s Twilight.

Ditzy: Come on, that’s way too predictable!

-G-M-

Chapter 1: AnAverage and Abnormal Morning

Ditzy: A.K.A. Every day of my life!

Ponyville woke sleepily in the sun’s morning rays as it always did. The light washed the town in its warm glow, reflecting brightly off the walls of the inhabitants’ homes

All: AHHH! MY EYES!

and filtering golden light through the many hay-thatched roofs. Robins, jays, chickadees,

Doctor: Cockatrices

Ditzy: Griffons

and other birds sang their songs in the dawn’s light, greeting those waking ponies with their morning music.

Ditzy: Dubtrot

One such pony, a young unicorn mare with a pale mulberry coat and purple mane with a pink highlight running through it, rubbed sleep from her eyes with her hooves as she sat up in her bed. She yawned loudly, stretching out her forelegs, and turned to look out the open doors to one of the balconies in her home.

Doctor: Soon all below her would be her’s.

The sun’s warming rays greeted Twilight Sparkle

Ditzy: Wait a second. Twilight is lavender, not mulberry!

Doctor: Maybe she’s a different color in this universe?

with a touch she always felt was semi-personal.

All: …

Doctor: (Officer) Please show us on the doll where the sunlight touched you.

It was Princess Celestia who raised and set the sun every morning and evening,

Ditzy: Luna on the weekends. Celestia liked to go camping.

and Twilight Sparkle always took personal pride in being the Sun Princess’ hoof-chosen apprentice. Every morning it felt as if Princess Celestia were raising the sun just for her, her star pupil, even though Twilight knew that it was one of her royal duties and it was for all little ponies.

Doctor: Twilight quickly grew resentful of that fact.

Twilight threw the covers off of her bed and got onto her hooves so that she could stride out onto the balcony and soak in the sunlight.

Ditzy: Which turned her lavender.

The leaves that grew from the branches of her home—a library on the inside of a hollow, yet still very much alive, tree—

Doctor: I really need to ask Twilight about that when we get out here.

rustled slightly in a breeze and shone like emeralds with their dew still clinging to them. Twilight sighed and smiled, turning around again to return to the inside of the second floor loft she and Spike shared as their bedroom in the library.

The lavender unicorn

Ditzy: Now she’s lavender?

Doctor: *shugs*

laughed quietly under her breath as she looked down at Spike’s sleeping form.

Ditzy: Twilight drew all over his face with permanent marker last night.

The baby dragon was still in a deep sleep under his blankets, and Peewee, the phoenix hatchling, was snuggled up against his lilac-scaled cheek close to his rounded green spines. She considered waking up her number one assistant, but thought better of it.

Ditzy: It was a far too precious moment to disturb.

He and Peewee had been up late playing last night; and Spike even later scrubbing the soot off the floor when Peewee accidentally enveloped himself in fire.

Doctor: Twilight kept a note on her mental checklist to fireproof the library later.

“I’ll let them sleep a bit longer,” Twilight whispered to herself, trotting towards the stairs. She had thought that she had it bad when Spike hatched for her after she’d unleashed a strong surge of raw magic when she was just a little filly

Doctor: She regretted the day Celestia put him in her care.

Ditzy: That’s a mean thing to say about Spike!

Doctor: You don’t have to take it personally.

being tested to enter Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, but Spike was just a baby dragon taking care of a baby phoenix!

Doctor: It was like the blind leading the blind.

Twilight had accidentally turned her parents into potted plants in her uncontrolled burst of magic and grown Spike from hatchling straight to a hundred-hoof tall dragon!

Doctor: I think that piece of exposition should have happened a few lines ago.

It was that event, though, that had sparked the Princess’ interest in her, and being made Celestia’s personal protégé as well as her cutie mark of a sparkling pink and purple star appearing on her flank was still one of her happiest memories;

Ditzy: (Celestia) All too easy. I have the perfect pawn..er.. I mean pony to save Luna.

and she was sure that Spike would remember standing up to that gang of teenage dragons during the Great Dragon Migration in order to protect Peewee’s egg for the rest of his, hopefully, very long life.

Doctor: Spike later that day died in a tragic...

Ditzy: No Doctor, we aren’t making those kinds of jokes!

Doctor: What? Why?

Ditzy: I mean it!

Doctor: Ok....

She was in the middle of making haycakes, levitating a spatula in a magenta cloud, when she heard Spike’s footsteps on the floorboards above her. Peewee was chirping and Spike was talking, but Twilight couldn’t quite make out the words

Doctor: Something about burning and a fire.

until he called loudly through the house for her. She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I’m in the kitchen Spike,” she shouted in reply, simultaneously flipping the cakes

Ditzy: Into her face when she got distracted by Spike.

in the frying pan. Twenty seconds later the baby dragon entered the room with Peewee flying close to his shoulder. Twilight and her friend Fluttershy were still amazed by the baby phoenix. At a mere two weeks old the little bird’s wings were already strong enough to let it fly. The phoenix hatchling settled itself down on a perch they’d gotten for him.

Doctor: Out of a bin.

“Aw, why didn’t you wake me Twilight?” Spike asked while the unicorn grabbed the haycakes with her magic. “You know that cooking is one of my chores.”

Ditzy: (Spike) Besides, you cook as well as you dance.

Twilight giggled at the annoyed look on his face. “I know that Spike,” she answered, setting the haycakes down on two plates she’d also picked up before setting them down on the table. “But you’ve been so busy with Peewee lately that I thought I’d let you sleep in a little.

Ditzy: (Spike) Alright Twilight, what’s the catch?

Doctor: (Twilight) What do you mean?

Ditzy: (Spike) You never do things like this. You want something!

Besides, you both looked so cute that Princess Celestia would make it a crime to wake you.”

Ditzy: (Spike) You like watching me sleep? That’s really creepy Twilight!

“Now Twilight,” Spike argued even as he filled Peewee’s bowls with water and lily petals with grasshopper legs,

Ditzy: Not actual whole grasshoppers?

“how am I supposed to be your number one assistant if you won’t let me do my job?”

Doctor: (Spike) I like the unnecessary workload you push on me.

“Oh Spike,” Twilight countered patiently, pulling her chair back with more magic from her glowing horn, “you’re still my number one assistant, but you have more chores than just cleaning, cooking, organizing the library, and helping in my studies and research now;

Doctor: How can Spike deal with all that?

Ditzy: He’s a very responsible dragon.

you have Peewee to take care of, and that’s a big responsibility.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Remember what happened to Mr. Limpit.

“It’s okay Twilight, I can handle it.” Spike ran one of his claws down Peewee’s head, getting a pleased croon out of the phoenix before the magical bird dug into its breakfast.

“Even so,” Twilight said kindly, “I want to give you a helping hoof whenever I can too Spike.

Doctor: (deadpan) How generous of you. Now he’s only slight less swamped with work.

We’re family; and Owloycious too.” As if hearing his name, there came a faint “hoo” from outside in the tree’s canopy. Twilight couldn’t help but giggle a little and Spike sat down at the table across from Twilight.

“But I’m still your number one assistant, right?”

“Don’t worry Spike,” Twilight assured him, “nopony could ever take your place there.”

Doctor:(Twilight) An owl on the other hoof...

Spike picked up a fork with a smile on his face.

“Then all is right with the world,” he said, sticking the fork into a haycake.

All: (groans)

Ditzy: Why do they keep doing this?

-G-M-

Doctor: Now hopefully we can get to the story after all that horrible, trivial, and awkward exposition about why Spike has a pet Phoenix.

Princess Celestia’s hooves descended with purpose onto the lawns of the Canterlot Castle gardens,

Doctor: She was going to get the last piece of cake no matter what.

her younger sister just behind her. Luna was tired after the previous night’s events, but she refused to acknowledge it and get some sleep until the two alicorns had come up with some sort of explanation for what had occurred.

Ditzy: Luna went without sleep for several months.

“They just disappeared?” Celestia asked.

“Yes,” Luna answered, watching as a white Pegasus Guard flew overhead. The Royal Guards had run into ten other creatures in the city, and had dispatched them without much difficulty,

Doctor: (Luna) Though mysteriously fourteen of these foul creatures ended up vanquished that day.

but all of the ponies who had encountered them reported that the creatures did unnerve them to some degree.

Ditzy: Which is why they should be murdered on site!

Doctor: (groans) That’s like assuming all shifty eyed people are killers!

“Instead of leaving a body behind or some type of substance, they just turned into wisps of smoke and faded away. I cast a detection spell in the area after I’d seen to two of the students, but they hadn’t left any trace of their presence in the area that my magic could detect. Celestia, it doesn’t make any sense.”

Doctor: Maybe you waited too long when you scanned the area?

Ditzy: Non magical creatures?

Princess Celestia frowned as she continued on towards the sculpture garden. “No, it doesn’t make sense, and that’s what I’m afraid of.” Luna looked around, recognized where they were going, and issued a slight gasp.

“You don’t think?”

Doctor: (Luna) You don’t think it’s Himdo you?

Ditzy: (Celestia) I’m afraid so.

Doctor: (Luna) Him... We will get all the jello we can!.

Ditzy: (Celestia) I don’t think you are thinking of the same pony.

“I sincerely hope not, dear sister,” Celestia told her anxiously. “Discord should still be locked away since the Elements of Harmony imprisoned him once again, but I’m not taking any chances. If this is somehow Discord’s work, we need to make sure so that we can act accordingly.”

Doctor: I doubt it. It doesn’t sound like his style.

Ditzy: Not enough boxing penguins.

“But what if it is?” Luna asked worriedly. “We’d imprisoned Discord for nearly three and a half thousand years before he broke out five months ago. If the seal the Elements placed on him has already weakened…Twilight Sparkle and her friends worked so hard to return harmony to Equestria.”

Ditzy: (Luna) They put in overtime and everything!

“I know Luna,” Celestia sighed, stopping and looking up at one particular marble statue on a pedestal. It was of a creature few had ever seen the like of before.

Doctor: (coughs)

A mad scientist’s experiments at cross-breeding could hardly create a stranger creature, or a child’s imagination for that matter.

Doctor: You clearly haven’t met the same mad scientists I have.

A bipedal winged animal that was a cross between pony, dragon, bat, ram, deer, and gryphon just to name a few of its odd limbs. Chaotic was the closest possible definition of the creature, and Celestia and Luna both feared it. “However, I cannot think of another explanation.

Ditzy: Creatures created through dark magic? I remember seeing something similar before.

Doctor: Maybe creatures actually made from shadows?

If something has happened to Discord’s seal, we must know and assemble the Elements of Harmony at once.”

Her horn glowed with soft pink light as the Sun Princess cast a powerful detection spell. The same glow enveloped the stone Discord had been turned into, and Celestia probed every aspect of it.

Ditzy: Making Discord really really uncomfortable.

Tiny fluctuations appeared in the light as the princess turned her attention towards one spot and then another, or changed the definition of her detection spell and searched for different methods the spirit of chaos and disharmony could have used to circumvent the spell that kept him imprisoned.

Ditzy: Which gave Discord plenty ideas how he could escape.

He’d been able to escape once after the Elements of Harmony had changed hooves from the princesses to Celestia’s pupil

Doctor: That and the spell weakened sufficiently when Luna was separated from the Elements of Harmony. It was only a matter of time really.

and her five friends just because nearby ponies got into a heated argument;

Ditzy: The “Free Cutie Marks” sign over him didn’t help.

surely he’d had plenty of time to examine his prison and come up with ways to attempt to break free in his thousands of years imprisoned.

Finally, though, Celestia lowered her horn and ceased the casting of her spell. “Celly?” Luna asked cautiously.

Ditzy: Celestia was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

It was a sign of how close the two alicorns really were to one another when the older sibling dropped onto her knees and gave her junior a defeated look. Celestia would never appear so distraught or weak in front of anypony else.

Doctor: Which is really out of character considering that the situation isn’t all that serious yet and this Celestiawe are talking about.

“The seal is perfect,” she said, shaking her head. “Discord is not responsible for the appearance of these creatures, and I can think of no other explanation for them to even exist.”

All: (groans) Really!?

Doctor: So much for her thousands of years of experience.

Luna placed her muzzle against her sister’s white cheek. The last time she had seen the white alicorn so emotional was when the two had reunited after the Elements had set her free from being Nightmare Moon. “Celly, I’m worried too,” she said, “but I do not believe we have the time or luxury to be as lost as we are now.

Doctor: (raising an eyebrow) May I ask why?

We may not have the answers, but we do know what we must do, don’t we?”

Ditzy: (Luna) I’ll get the Ouiji board.

Princess Celestia inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. She opened her eyes, her multi-hued mane flowing in a non-existent breeze as it always did. “Thank you, Luna. You’re right. We may not know what these creatures are or where they come from, but they are posing a very real danger to the ponies of Equestria.”

Ditzy: Who know how many more ponies might get scratched by them!

She stood up and extended her wings. The larger alicorn turned her head and gave her younger sister a faint smile. “Come, Luna. We must mobilize the guard.” Princess Luna nodded her head, and the two royal alicorns took off.

Doctor: (Announcer) And they’re off! Luna seems to be taking lead but Celestia isn’t far behind.

-G-M-

In just under an hour, the most prominent officers of the Pegasus Royal Guards and Unicorn Royal Guards (collectively forming the entirety of the corps) had assembled in the audience chamber of Canterlot Castle, giving a large table that had been brought in a noticeable berth.

Doctor: It already took the lives of three guards!

With them stood three unicorns who were not wearing the brightly polished golden armour of the Royal Guards. Two of them were Starshine and Moondancer, each with bandages on their bodies where they’d been scratched by the creatures the previous night,

Ditzy: Moondancer’s serious and seemly life threatening injuries last chapter were a bit of an exaggeration.

and the third was a weathered unicorn with a mauve coat and sharp green eyes. His mane was short and white, and growing from his chin hung a snowy beard, but his tail was long and swept almost to the ground; a golden stripe ran through the left side of his tail. On the unicorn’s flank was his cutie mark, that of a wide, upwards-pointing golden crescent with a golden circle in the space between the two points. He was the headpony of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,

Doctor: So it isn’t Spell Nexus?

and the leader of the most powerful unicorn spell-users in Equestria. Some even said that he was as strong in magic as the legendary Star Swirl the Bearded or Marelin.

Doctor: Who, for the hundredth time, is not me nor will be.

Ditzy: Don’t you mean Merlin?

Both students who were close to him seemed at the same time to be trying to distance themselves from the much older stallion,

Ditzy: He reeked of an old pony and garlic.

but it appeared as though it was mostly due to them being in awe of their headpony.

Doctor: (Starshine) He pulled a coin from behind my ear out of nowhere! Truly he is one of the greatest unicorn mages in history!

Princess Celestia nodded approvingly of Coltinster’s presence. She had requested personally for him to attend, and was glad that the old pony had been able to make it.

Ditzy: It was usually time for his nap.

She and Luna had been unable to come up with an explanation for the creatures,

Doctor: Ditzy. Has it been established that the princesses have no idea where the Heartless come from yet?

Ditzy: No Doctor. I don’t think so.

Doctor: You’re right. Silly Doctor.

but if they worked in concert with the school then Celestia was certain that they’d be able to find an answer to their problems.

Celestia began to cast a spell, her horn suddenly glowing with yellow light. The act alone attracted the attention of most of the ponies in the room,

Ditzy: Especially considering it blinded most of them.

but the booming sound of the doors slamming closed and the gentle whoosh of curtains being drawn over the windows managed to gather the others’ gazes to her and Luna.

“Please everypony, take a spot at the table,” she said, now descending from her throne to take her place at the table’s head.

Doctor: Sitting on the table for some reason.

The Royal Guard officers and Coltinster and his two students all approached the table so that all could look equally at Celestia and Luna while also being able to observe the map of Equestria that had been placed upon the table. The Sun Princess waited a moment before withdrawing a little. “Luna, would you like to begin?”

Doctor: (Luna) All right. Call me Ishmael....

“Certainly, Celestia,” said the younger alicorn. She looked up at the ponies assembled at the table. “As many of you have heard the report from Captain Crimson Horn and your juniors, last night these two unicorns were assaulted by dark creatures in the Canterlot gardens.” There was a nodding of heads and Coltinster looked at his two charges with questioning eyes, to which they both nodded quickly.

Ditzy: Coltinster was dangerous if provoked.

“Later we discovered ten others of this same type of creature in various places within the city.”

Ditzy: (Luna) Mostly in night clubs. It seems these foul creatures enjoy the nightlife.

Her horn glowed with midnight blue light and a burst of magic summoned a translucent image on the tabletop. Several ponies gasped

Ditzy: The image Luna accidently projected made Starshine and Moondancer turn beet red.

as they stared at the creature with its jet black hide and piercing yellow eyes, and Coltinster eyed it curiously.

Luna waited for only a few seconds before capturing their attention again. “Currently, we have no idea what these creatures are or where they come from,

Ditzy: (Luna) Even a search on Ponypedia proved fruitless.

but we can only assume that their intentions are hostile from their previous actions.

Ditzy: Not the attacks but the mean things they posted on 4Pony.

What we do know, however, is that their bodies can become as two-dimensional as a shadow on the ground, emerge as fully three-dimensional creatures from their shadow, and that when they are defeated they simply…disappear in smoke.”

Ditzy: There were really ninja ponies!

Eyes shifted towards Moondancer and Starshine, and then back to the princesses. A round of muttering began,

Doctor: (Pony) Is it just me or is Princess Celestia’s flank getting bigger?

Ditzy: (Another Pony) It must be all the cake she has been eating lately.

and was soon silenced as Princess Celestia spoke up. “Luna and I have both examined the area in the gardens where the creatures appeared, and the statue of Discord.” Absolute silenced reined as the name of the spirit of chaos was mentioned. “We have been unable to detect any trace of the creatures’ presence where they appeared, and the seal on Discord has not been tampered with or weakened in any way. Whatever we are dealing with, it is not connected to him.”

Another round of muttering began,

Doctor: (Pony) If it’s not Discord, then maybe it’s Princess Luna, no Nightmare Moon, trying to usurp the throne again. These creatures seem the sort of thing she might create.

Ditzy: (Another Pony) You idiot, why would she discover and destroy her own creations!?

Doctor: (Pony) To lure us into a false sense of security! She’s the devil I tell you!

and Celestia and Luna let it continue for a minute, sharing a look with one another, before Celestia spoke up again. Quiet recommenced as she spoke. “Therefore, we must take immediate action in order to safeguard everypony from these creatures. Princess Luna and I task the Pegasus Royal Guard to form teams to bring word of these creatures to every city, town, and village in Equestria.

Ditzy: (Celestia) We want to cause a big of a panic as we can.

Doctor: Do you even have evidence that Heartless are outside of Canterlot yet?

Everypony must be warned and made aware of this threat so that they may take appropriate steps to protect themselves. Therefore, Luna will give each team a letter providing them with all details we currently know about these creatures and our recommendations on ways to prevent personal harm;

Ditzy: Don’t let their claws hit you.

Doctor: Run away when approached.

Ditzy: Don’t bother counting how many there are. The author will just forget again.

the letter will also empower each team with the authority to take any reasonable measures to ensure public safety should these creatures appear in their location. Captain Cloudhammer will organize these teams.

Doctor: By using a dart board.

Furthermore, I ask for the Unicorn Royal Guard’s full cooperation and assistance with the Pegasus Royal Guard’s operations. The floor is now open for discussion on this pressing issue.

Doctor: (Celestia) All the issues on our struggling economy can wait.

Captain Cloudhammer, Captain Thunderspark, Coltinster of the School of Gifted Unicorns, please come with me; Moondancer, Starshine, you may accompany us as well.”

Ditzy: (Celestia) All the ponies that can actually do something.

Princess Celestia turned away from the table just as firestorm of voices erupted from around it. She tuned out the voices of each pony trying to get a word in edgewise and stopped at her sister’s side. “Try to keep them civil will you?”

Ditzy: (Celestia) I have never heard something so foul.

Luna half-smiled at her. “When is the Guard ever civil behind closed doors about anything that gets them worked up?”

Ditzy: (Luna) Seriously, Sister did thou see what happened during the last year’s Hearth’s Warming Eve Party? The toilets have never been the same since.

Sighing in resignation beneath the cacophony of voices, the strongest belonging to General Arrow of the Pegasus Royal Guard and Major Bright Flare of the Unicorn Royal Guard, Celestia motioned to the ponies she’d named and walked towards a door set behind her throne. An aging white pegasus stallion followed loyally next to an ash unicorn mare. Coltinster and the two students were only a hoof or two behind.

Once the door had closed behind them, Celestia silently led the five ponies through the corridor to a small antechamber, furnished to be a lounge of sorts for the Princess when she needed to take a break from holding court during the day.

Doctor: Any time she needed a break from the nobles really.

She sealed the door behind them with her magic, and released a pent-up sigh she’d been keeping in. “Thank you for coming. Captain Cloudhammer, Captain Thunderspark, there is another task I have for you.”

“Anything you ask, Princess,” replied the aging white pegasus, immediately followed by the unicorn nodding silently. Celestia smiled at them both.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Put on this tutu. It will provide excellent protection from the shadows.

“Captain Thunderspark, I need you to assign a Unicorn Guard that will go with each of Captain Cloudhammer’s pegasi teams. Luna’s report is as accurate as can be given the limited contact we have had with these creatures.

Doctor: (Celestia) Even though it is almost unreadable because Luna still writes in Middle Equestrian.

Ditzy: (Luna) Than fahve shawdows creetures imerging fromm the shawdows on the grownd and ackacted two ponies neighmed Starshine and Moondancer with there suarp klahz.

Unicorn magic and its versatility appear to be the most effective weapon against them at this time.

Doctor: Really? Smashing them into something seemed to work pretty well.

I also task you to divide the remaining Unicorn Guards into teams that will scour and patrol Equestria on hoof. If your superiors are as they were when I promoted them,

Ditzy: (Thunderspark) Drunk and barely standing?

then they should be able to coordinate with aerial surveillance from the Pegasus Guards.”

“It will be done, Princess,” the ash-coloured mare answered, nodding her head again.

“In addition,” continued Celestia as she turned back to the pegasus, “once your teams have been organized, Captain Cloudhammer, I would like you to assemble another team and a chariot large enough for six ponies.

Ditzy: (Celestia) Bring me six ponies with attitude.

Bring the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and the dragon Spike,

Ditzy: Where is he going to sit? The chariot is only big enough for six ponies!

Doctor: They can tie him to a rope at the end of the chariot and he can ride that way.

here to Canterlot. Luna and I will explain the situation to them personally.”

Doctor: (Celestia) In a musical number.

“The Elements?” asked Starshine, the student finally getting the courage to utter a syllable in the presence of the Princess.

“But why would Twilight Sparkle need to come here?” wondered Moondancer.

Doctor: (Facehoofs) I thought that would be obvious.

“Don’t you see?” Captain Thunderspark asked them. “Equestria’s never encountered anything like this before. Princess Celestia isn’t going to take any chances.”

Ditzy: (Thunderspark) She plans on encasing every town and city in Equestria with a magical bubble.

Captain Cloudhammer nodded once more and dipped into a slight bow. “As you command.” The Sun Princess nodded her head and turned towards the other unicorn in the room.

“Coltinster, what are your thoughts on all of this?”

Doctor: (Coltinster) Zzzzz... er what? Get those dang kids off my lawn!

The bearded unicorn smiled mysteriously at the princess. “I think that the appearance of these creatures signify that Equestria sits on the verge of a monumental and pivotal occurrence in its history,” he said whimsically.

Ditzy: He’s saying something whimsically. We should probably listen to him.

“Think on it for a moment everypony. Creatures that have not once been seen in memory of our dear Celestia, who has lived the lifetimes of many, many ponies, are now suddenly popping up out of the shadows and vanishing just as quickly into them. There is no precedent for their like, and we have not even a body to examine in order to understand just what they are.

Doctor: Just...capture one alive?

Creatures of this kind cannot possibly be natural in occurrence; else we would have seen something like them before, and certainly if they are appearing in the middle of Canterlot itself. No my friends, what we are dealing with is something beyond the current comprehension of ponies,

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Looking them in the eyes will surely drive a pony insane.

for it is not in the natural order of life.”

“Headpony Coltinster, what do you know?” Starshine questioned, awed out of his mind.

Ditzy: (Shakes head) Nightshade. I heard it’s becoming popular lately with young mares and stallions.

“Know? Know!? I know much more than you colt! I’ve lived these last fifty winters knowing more than you and learning more with each passing day. In the last sentence you spoke I’ve already learned something new, even, that you are like those young ponies that are so impressionable and awed whenever some old ass

Ditzy: I thought he was a pony.

Doctor: It’s a human expression.

like me makes a profound statement. What do I know indeed!”

Doctor: I like this guy. He seems to be the only one in the story so far with his head on straight.

Ditzy: I think it is because you are both crotchety old ponies.

Doctor: ...

He coughed, quite tickled at the looks on Starshine, Moondancer, and the two captains’ faces. Celestia quietly giggled to herself. He had said that he had lived fifty winters on several separate occasions in her presence, one eight years ago, another twenty, and even another over fifty years prior.

Ditzy: I see! I think Coltinster is really Star Swirl the Bearded! No pony ever did learn how he died.

Doctor: Really? We will have to look into that when we get out of here.

Coltinster continued. “Now, what I know about these…erm, ‘Shadows’, I suppose we can call them,

Ditzy: How about...Shadow Crawlers? That describes them nicely.

is very little. However, what I have said is just what I have thought, as Princess Celestia asked for. I believe that these Shadows are not from Equestria, and are as unrelated to the animals of Equestria as dragons are to dragonflies.”

Ditzy: As Pegasi Cake is to Pegasi!

Doctor: As Tartarus is tartar sauce!

“I agree,” Princess Celestia told him. “However, as you have stated, I have lived a long life and my memory is not the clearest thing at times.

Doctor: Things got a bit awkward and hectic that one time when she forgot Twilight’s birthday.

I cannot recall having seen creatures like this before, but that does not mean that they have not appeared in Equestria’s history before. It is possible that a pony may have come across these creatures before, in the time of Discord or while exploring on their own.

Doctor: (Celestia) Maybe you can find something in the newest Daring Do novel.

My sister and I cannot be all places at once, nor can we see all that occurs in our realm. Therefore, I ask for the School of Gifted Unicorns to search the Archives for any clue we may find within to solve the riddle of these…‘Shadows’.”

Ditzy: Riddle me this Batpony!

Coltinster bowed. “As you say, Your Highness.” He turned sharply towards his two students. “Well? What are you waiting for? The Princess gave a royal command. Get those hooves in motion and move!” Startled out of their wits, the two students cantered off,

Ditzy: And...leaving a puddle on the floor too. Ew...

completely ignoring their sore and healing muscle tissue after the scratches the Shadows had given them.

Doctor: Celestia decided to close down all hospitals due to the emergency.

Coltinster turned back to Princess Celestia. “If you’ll excuse me, Princess Celestia, I have a faculty to inform that all their classes and experiments are to be halted by your command.

Doctor: (Facehoofs) Really?

Ditzy: (Moondancer) Strange creatures should attack us more often.

It’s a good thing too; Hoofer was trying to propose the building of a machine that would drain ponies of their pigmentation to create rainbows. The old coot’s a raving lunatic I tell you,

Doctor: Indeed. That doesn’t sound safe or practical.

Ditzy: Where are they going to get to volunteers?

pity that he’s a genius too.”

Ditzy: Isn’t that always the thing?

Coltinster’s mauve horn glowed white, and with a flash he had teleported away.

Captain Thunderspark chuckled as soon as he was gone. “We should hire him to train new recruits. He’d sure whip them into shape faster than old Blue Moon can.” Celestia could not withhold her grin.

Ditzy: The mention of whipping got her excited.

“By your leave, Princess Celestia,” Captain Cloudhammer then said, “Thunderspark and I need to get started on assembling our teams. I’ll return as soon as I can with the Bearers.” He and Thunderspark saluted smartly before leaving the room.

Doctor: Thunderspark feared that Celestia would send him into the sun if he didn’t.

Now alone, Princess Celestia sighed once more and slowly placed one hoof in front of the other. She was dreading returning to the throne room.

Ditzy: Another boring meeting awaited her. And us.

Captains Cloudhammer and Thunderspark she had known longer than any of their superiors, and trusted that if they’d just accept the promotions she kept offering every year that they wouldn’t have let the power of their new positions turn them into blustering foals

All: Too late.

concerned more about escaping the desks they flew to play golf than about matters important to the Royal Guards.

Doctor: They would play games on their phone instead.

Although, when the reputation of the corps was at risk or Equestria in a crisis, they all certainly shaped up and reminded her just why she had promoted them in the first place.

Ditzy: Their rugged good looks...er I mean their skills as soldiers.

Over half of the Wonderbolts had been members of the Pegasus Royal Guard, after all.

Doctor: I thought they were just stunt flyers.

Ditzy: No silly. They do search and rescue and protect Equestria from danger!

Celestia’s body stiffened instantly as she felt the magical energy roll against her as soon as the back door opened. She had only to gallop a full two lengths of her body to bear witness to what was causing the disturbance. The scene in the throne room that awaited her was not the one Celestia had expected at all.

Ditzy: A giraffe in clown make up was fighting Heartless.

Instead of abrasive voices or enthused impromptu speeches or arguments, everypony was standing in anxious silence in front of a swirling mass of blue and black cloud. Lightning skittered amidst the cloud,

Ditzy: It was a Kracko.

sparking every so often with a crackle that raised the hairs of manes and tails across the room.

Doctor: Rarity fainted when she saw this.

Luna turned her head and spotted her sister. “Celestia! It appeared from out of thin air. It gave no warning to its appearance, and—” Celestia frowned the same moment her sister stopped speaking.

Doctor: Finally something interesting is happening.

Ditzy: (Nods)

The cloud began surging with energy; the sheer wind being expelled and blown around the room could attest to the agitation in the air. It pulsed with light, and Celestia’s horn quickly illuminated with soft pink light as she cast a detection spell.

Something was coming out.

Doctor: It was a naked, hairless, muscular, bipedal, ape-like creature with a brown mane.

-M-G-

All: Oh come on!

Far away from Equestria,

Doctor: Camelu?

Ditzy: The Lost World?

a tall humanoid mouse was laughing at three figures that were staring at him with stunned expressions. One of these three was a white-feathered duck, another was a dog-man, and a third another black-furred mouse, except this second one stood only about the height of the duck at barely over two feet. The duck was dressed in a blue jacket and hat that resembled a beret, the dog in a green turtleneck, black vest, yellow pants, orange hat and white gloves with goggles over his forehead; and the smaller mouse was garbed in a jacket of two colours, red on the lower half and black on the upper, red pants with yellow pouches on the front, and yellow shoes.

Ditzy: In other words, Donald, Mickey, and Goofy.

Doctor: Does the author think we forgot what they look like?

The tallest mouse was in an outfit similar to the smaller mouse, though his jacket was gold and orange, and his pants were a pale, sandy yellow.

“Ha-Cha-Cha,” laughed the tallest rodent,

Doctor: He’s a Jimmy Durante caricature?

twirling a purple device in his right hand. “Looks like none of those bozos are gonna be messin’ with us for a while now.” The mouse stopped twirling the device in his hand and blew at a rod that was sticking out from a concave piece of metal, dispersing the smoke that came out of the rod’s bulb. A faint ping sounded from the rear of the device, and the mouse smiled pleasantly and opened up a compartment. He withdrew a steaming muffin in his hand and bit into it.

Doctor: (baffled) What?!

Ditzy: I...don’t know...

“Mm. Taste that Mick? It’s the sweet, sweet taste of my victory. Ha-Cha-Cha!”

Ditzy: That’s silly. Muffins taste like love not victory!

“What did you do to them Mortimer?”

Doctor: So this is the OC the author was talking about in the prologue?

Ditzy: I guess. I have no idea who he is.

the smaller mouse growled, flexing his white-gloved right hand. White light flashed into existence around it, and suddenly the mouse was gripping a dark-coloured handle surrounded on four sides by a silver guard. Extending on one end of the guard was the blade of a sword-like weapon, though it was a cylindrical rod made of gold. Where the blade left the hilt was a band of red and at the other end a block of gold extended out, the shape of a three-pointed crown apparently cut out like a cookie-cutter had been put into the metal.

Ditzy: Yes, we know what Mickey’s keyblade looks like. You don’t need to explain it.

Overall, the weapon was in the shape of a giant skeleton key, and extending from the opposite end of the hilt was a chain of golden links, ending in a golden three-circled mouse head.

‘Mortimer’ grinned and kept his questioner waiting a moment as he chewed on his muffin. He opened his mouth and spoke, the dog, duck, and smaller mouse able to see partially chewed food escaping off his tongue.

Ditzy: Ew...

“I just sent ‘em someplace else where they can’t interfere with the boss’ plans,” he replied, “and good luck finding them, Your Majesty.”

Doctor: (Mickey) I sense condescension in your voice.

“Where are they?” demanded the duck, anger making the white feathers near his eyes turn red as his blood boiled.

Mortimer laughed. “That’s the beauty of this little beauty; I have no idea where it took ‘em! But you can bet that wherever they are, it’s plenty far from here!”

Ditzy: Ironically they landed only a few hooves behind them.

The smaller mouse lunged forward, his overlarge skeleton key

Ditzy: Why doesn’t he just call it the keyblade?

Doctor: It’s... a surprise?

Ditzy: A keyblade in a Kingdom Hearts fanfic. Who would have guessed?

swinging out in front of him, but Mortimer jumped back and looked out the window he was standing near to. It was a long way down.

“Gosh Mickey, I’d love to stay and get my tail kicked by you three ninnies,” he said, turning back to them, “but I’ve got bigger and better things to be doing.”

Doctor: That’s...pretty intelligent for a cartoon henchmen.

Ditzy: If only Pete would learn this lesson.

A pool of darkness suddenly appeared beneath the mouse, and a surging mass of black, dark blue, and purple enveloped him.

Doctor: (Mortimer) Oh god someone help me please!

A moment later, the swirling hole of darkness shot back into the ground and vanished in wisps.

“Get back here!” the duck roared, shaking his fist at the empty space where Mortimer had stood only seconds before.

Ditzy: (Donald) Why I oughta...

“He’s gone, Donald,” the dog said regretfully. Donald tapped his foot repeatedly in frustration and folded his arms over one another.

“Aw phooey!”

Doctor: Ah classic Donald.

“What do we do now, Your Majesty?” the dog asked, turning towards the small mouse. Mickey suppressed a sigh and turned towards Donald and Goofy, his Court Magician and Captain of his Knights. The King’s Keyblade

Ditzy: Now he’s calling it a keyblade?

vanished from his hand in a shimmer of light.

Doctor: No three paragraph explanation of the keyblade and how it works? I’m impressed author.

“Welp, much though I don’t like it, Mortimer’s right. We can’t do much right now besides look for them. Rei’s the only one who knows who the Keepers are,

Ditzy: Rei? As in Evangelion’s Rei?

and if we can’t find them all, or if the Horned King finds them first,

Doctor: The Horned King?

Ditzy: An OC villain I guess. Though he is probably just Xehanort in disguise or some facet of him.

Doctor: Like his lebido? Don’t look at me like that. I can make those kind of jokes sometimes.

I don’t even want to imagine what’s going to happen to the worlds.

Ditzy: (Mickey) Without the keepers everything will become very untidy.

Donald, when we get back to the ship, you might want to tell Daisy you’re going to miss that date of yours.”

Doctor: Yikes.

The duck groaned. “I’d rather fight Xehanort’s Heartless again than tell Daisy that,” he muttered under his breath.

Ditzy: I think I would go against the Terrible Zodin again than face that!

Doctor: Agreed.

-M-G-

Sorry everypony. No Sora this chapter, but we didget a minor villain, a major villain, a couple of cameo appearances,

Ditzy: Maybe I appeared in the background somewhere.

and hey, look! Mickey, Donald, and Goofy!

Doctor: (Author) Maybe it will distract you from all the tedious exposition in this chapter.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

Doctor: What a boring chapter.

Ditzy: Well Sora is showing up in the next time. That will certainly liven thing up!

The Doctor and Ditzy walked out the theater. They were discussing something.

“You know what I really loved about this chapter?” The Doctor asked in an annoyed tone. “The author loves to explain things we should already know.”

“I know! It’s so strange. I don’t think many ponies would read this story if they weren’t already a fan of both series.” Ditzy replied. “Or at least have a passing knowledge of them.”

“I really hope this doesn’t become a common occurrence.” The Doctor said wearily.

“So my test little test subjects, how did you like the story?” Mr. X chimed in from the screen in the middle of the room in his usual distorted voice.

“Well…” The Doctor was about reply when he was interrupted by a high pitch distorted voice. In fact, it sounded familiar.

“Hiya Dinky whatcha up to!?” Said the high pitched voice.

“P-Pinkie Pie?!” said Mr. X or rather Dinky in a rather alarmed voice. “How did you…”

Pinkie Pie gasped. “Timey? Ditzy? What are you doing….”

Pinkie’s voice was cut off and was replaced with silence. The Doctor and Ditzy stayed quiet of some time. Until the Ditzy finally decided to say something. “Uh, Mr. X or should I say Dinky, are you still there?” She got no reply.

“I guess he is still dealing with Pinkie Pie. This could take awhile.” The Doctor said while doing some stretching.

“Uh, Doctor. Dinky is a girl’s name.” Ditzy replied. ”Mr. X is probably a she.”

The Doctor was about to ask how she knew this, but then remembered that she has been around pony names all her life. So this shouldn’t surprise him and Dinky did sound like a feminine name.

“I hope Pinkie will be alright.” Ditzy flattened her ears.

“She can take care of herself.” This the Doctor didn’t doubt. Pinkie was amazingly skilled at avoiding danger. Once he saw her run through a minefield that was being bombarded completely unharmed despite all odds. She said her Pinkie Sense helped her. The Doctor decided it was best not to ask how that was possible. It seemed a very good idea to the Doctor to not to ask questions when Pinkie Pie is involved, if you want to keep your sanity.

With Pinkie here escape seemed more likely. Hopefully. She’s bound to show up again sometime. She had a habit of showing up when least expected. “Ditzy? Have you ever heard a Dinky in Ponyville?” The Doctor asked while rubbing his chin with his hoof. Ponyville seemed to be the mostly likely answer to where they were.

Ditzy considered this for some time. “I don’t think so.” She said hesitantly. “But I’m no Pinkie Pie.”

The Doctor sighed. Still, they were one step closer to learning the truth of this place. “Who are you Dinky?” The Doctor said quietly to himself.

A faint ping sounded from the rear of the device, and the mouse smiled pleasantly and opened up a compartment. He withdrew a steaming muffin in his hand and bit into it.

Episode 9 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 10

Hello everyone! Here is the final part of ‘The Darkness of Love’. This is the part where Spike reallybecomes a Mary Sue(A term I do not use lightly). It would really help if the story didn’t go on and on about how awesome Spike is. Personally, I don’t think a character is a badass if the character doesn’t have to earn any of their victories and the story just lets them win. This should be the last of the Darkness trilogy for now.

Special thanks to Grimm Reaper for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 9 - Part 1

Ditzy and the Doctor were planning on having a small party after the experiment to celebrate the ending of their grounding. Four weeks confined mostly to a small room was taking its toll on both of them. It was going to small party mostly using the games and treats that were left over from the Nightmare Night celebration that was ruined due to Eldritch Abomination attack. Besides, Ditzy didn’t like to waste anything.

Dinky decided to be a little generous and allow them to prepare for party for a little while before the experiment. Only the treats setup on a long table with a white tablecloth were done. In three bowls were a various types of candies like miniature chocolate bars, suckers, tootsie rolls of various flavors, bubble gum, and various other different candies. A pitcher of lemonade and orange juice sat on the table. The Doctor and Ditzy agreed not to put up any decorations, as it would be a waste of time. They decided to set up the games later.

Ditzy was humming to herself as she brought out a tray with blueberry muffins into the main meeting room on her back with perfect and practiced grace. She walked up to the table and set the tray on the table with her mouth without spilling a single muffin.

The Doctor watched this impressed. He still hadn’t gotten that good of a handle on his pony body yet, even after almost a year. His hoof writing was still atrocious and almost completely unreadable. His body still didn’t feel as fluent and as functional as he would have liked. All the growing pains of adjusting to a body that was completely alien to his old one. He would give anything to have hands right now. Fingers and opposable thumbs were definitely underrated appendages. All the work he did in his workroom really did help improve his hoof to eye coronation. That was one of the reasons he continued working in there. Even if his efforts to create a way to escape were pointless, he would get something out of it.

“So Doctor, what game do you want to play first after the experiment?” Ditzy asked interrupting the Doctors train of thought.

“Hmm.” The Doctor mumbled.

“I thought we could play bobbing for apples.” Ditzy said excitedly. “That is one of my favorites!”

“Fine with me.” The Doctor said simply, not seeming to be very interested.

“Perfect! Then we can play spider toss!”

“Even though you almost never hit anything?”

“Well, true.” Ditzy said hesitantly. “But it’s still fun all the same.” Ditzy’s eyes gave her poor depth perception and made it hard to focus on a small single target. Never invite Ditzy to an obstacle course; she will just end up crashing into everything.

Ditzy looked at the clock. “Hey, it’s almost time for the experiment!”

“Good, then we can end this ridiculous sentencing.” Being confined like that was against everything the Doctor was. His very nature was freedom itself. It was bad enough he was stuck in this facility. Being confined to room like that just ate away at him.

“Good afternoon my little test subjects.” Dinky said on her view screen.

“Hey Dinky.” Her captives said without much enthusiasm.

“Good news! These are the last few chapters of Darkness of Love.” Dinky said in a happy tone.

“Good!” Ditzy said with a tone of harshness in her voice. “The sooner, the better!”

“Agreed.” The Doctor said simply.

“Today you will be reading chapters ten through twelve of ‘The Darkness of Love’ by Grimm Reaper with the epilogue. Enjoy.” The experiment alarm went off as soon as Dinky finished saying this.

“Let’s finish this thing!” Ditzy said with a cheer. The Doctor nodded and the two entered the theater.

There was an eerie calm about the town as three days had passed after Spike’s little visit to the Carousel Boutique.

Ditzy: It was the calm before the zombie apocalypse.

He could feel something was on its way,

Ditzy: Spike had never felt a power level quite like this before.

and it threatened to separate him from the friends he was making.

Doctor: Or at least attempting to make.

He mentally hit himself as he agonised over the thought of leaving them again. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

Ditzy: True, considering how bad he is at making friends.

He sat up on the roof of the Apple Family barn and looked down on Ponyville. He’d spent the morning trying to escape Twilight as she’d entered her… season.

Ditzy: Twilight was determined to be on the Ponyville Hoofball team this year.

As a baby, he never had to worry about her going after him, but now he was an adult, certain pheromones from both parties would be as impossible to avoid as the results of being ensnared by each other promised to deliver.

Ditzy: I find cold showers help with that sort of thing.

He shuddered at the thought. Despite his attempts to do otherwise, he’d re-established his friendship with Twilight and tightened the bond; and sexually pursuing her was a method of reversing the outcome that he shuddered to think about.

Doctor: It would make things really awkward between the two of them.

Rainbow Dash had been a mistake and he knew it.

Ditzy: He got tired of her constantly hitting on him.

It was further damaging to find out that those she had claimed to be with denied having had any such relationships with Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Knew it.

Ditzy: So why did she claim that Soarin is a hermaphrodite?

Even Applejack, who couldn’t tell a lie to save her integrity, found the idea offensive.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash and Applejack? It would never work.

Spike explained their reactions to her and she’d revealed to him that it was all a lie. She’d only ever had sex once before him. She didn’t reveal who with, but Spike had a pretty good idea.

Doctor: (Sighs) Let me guess. It’s me.

Ditzy: Probably.

The young dragon smacked his tail against the wooden surface of the roof, feeling the vibrations from the impact through his buttocks.

Ditzy: (Spike) Woah, Woah. Ahhhhhhh! (Crash)

He scanned the sky, hoping they would remain as clear as usual, aside from the odd Pegasus every now and then, one in particular leaving a trail of falling letters as she skimmed across the sky in a rather uncoordinated fashion.

Ditzy: That couldn’t possible be me because I happen to be very good at my job.

Doctor: They wouldn’t keep you around if you weren’t.

Spike took one of the letters that managed to fall towards him. Coincidentally, it was for Twilight; the return address revealed it to be from her parents.

All: How convenient.

The dragon skimmed his talon across one edge of the envelope and pulled out the contents. He read over the letter and smiled. The answer to Twilight’s suicidal problem may have just fallen into his hand.

Doctor: Except depression isn’t an easy thing to cure. Twilight might have to deal with it the rest of her life.

He placed the letter back in the envelope and ignited it in a green flame, sending it off to his friend

“Maybe a baby sister will work wonders on her. I can see myself packing her bags in five minutes.”

Doctor: Even after following her checklist to the letter and quadruple checking it?

he chuckled to himself as he rose to his feet and hopped off the roof. His wings shot out of his back and he was in the air before he touched the ground.

Doctor: He could have just climbed down, but I guess the few minutes saved are worth the tiny corruption of his soul.

Twilight was busy in the Library, happily humming to herself as she tidied the place up. She’d rearranged all the books and was half way through dusting the tables when a green flame flashed in front of her and a letter appeared in front of her, already opened.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I will have to tell that dragon how rude it is to open somepony’s mail without permission.

“Spike, your curiosity astounds me.” she said as she picked up the letter. She looked at the return address and hurriedly opened the note within the envelope.

The ponies who were reading silently in their own areas nearly lost the use of their eardrums as an excited shriek escaped the Librarian’s mouth.

Doctor: It was both adorable and really painful.

Windows would have shattered, had the tree been fitted with any.

Ditzy: But...it does have windows.

“Oh my gosh! I’m going to have a baby sister!” she cried out, hugging Carrot Top who looked up from her gardening book.

Ditzy: Hey, Carrot Top has a cameo in this!

Doctor: It’s nice to see a familiar face.

“Congrats, Twilight.” she said before the unicorn was running into her room, calling out Spike’s name.

The dragon had just entered the door when he heard his name called out from upstairs.

“Yeah, yeah; I’m reading your mind. I’ll pack your bags in a minute.” he strolled through the Library, his wings retreating back into his body. He stretched himself out afterwards.

Ditzy: (Twilight) No Spike. First we have to make a checklist for the checklist we need to make for our trip to Canterlot!

“Ooh, that transition was a little off. I’ll have to watch out for those.” he said to himself as he twisted his body, forcing his spine to pop,

Ditzy: Unfortunately his super strength caused him to accidentally break his spine.

which felt fantastic.

Ditzy: You need to see a chiropractor Spike.

His housemate rushed down the stairs and hurried over to him.

“Isn’t this great, Spike? I’m going to be a ‘big sister’, not just a little sister, but a big one too.” she clopped her hooves together in joy before wrapping them around Spike and giving him a big kiss. Clearly, she hadn’t thought about where she’d kissed him as she trotted away happily.

Ditzy: Or the fact she used a lot of tongue action.

“Oh… I’m sure you were a big pain to Shining Armour at times.” he muttered as he went off to pack Twilight’s bags.

Ditzy: Really? No checklist? This really is some bizarro world.

Twilight, who had been so excited at the news, left the Library to tell her friends. It wasn’t until she’d taken a few steps from the tree that she noticed a familiar sensation tickling her lips. She paused, brought out of her reverie of sisterhood. Bringing her hoof to her lips, she caressed the tingling spot on her mouth and it rushed to her cheeks. It felt like pins and needles in her face.

Ditzy: Twilight Sparkle is pinhead.

She shook her head madly, trying to get blood flow back into her cheeks, but she just ended up tickling herself with the mild stabbing sensations that came with the symptom of localised blood flow deprivation.

Doctor: Causing her accidently walk right into a hole.

She tried to recall what she’d done prior to getting this strange sensation and it dawned upon her. She’d kissed Spike. And not just a kiss, but a full-on smooch. As this realisation hit her like a sack of bricks, she blushed redder than Big Mac’s coat.

“Oh, Celestia!” she said, running full speed to the only pony she could rely on for advice in the matter that had just crept upon her. And she headed for the Carousel Boutique.

Ditzy: But I’m pretty sure Rarity gets her romantic knowledge from trashy romance novels.

“Oh, darling! Your reaction is symptomatic of the most obvious thing in this world.” Rarity declared as Twilight explained the situation.

“I know what’s wrong with me, Rarity. I came here to ask you for advice on how to proceed with this.”

Doctor: Simple. Forget about Spike and find someone better.

“Well you can’t ignore it, darling.”

“Why not?” Rarity gave her painfully regal laugh as the replied.

All: Hohohohohoho!

“I used to be a dragon lover, like you. But then I took a talon to the roof.” she extended a hoof to her ceiling which still showed the Rarity-proclaimed battle scars of the fight that occurred three days prior.

Doctor: This could happen to you too Twilight.

“But what do I do?” Twilight urged, becoming hysteric as she thought out scenarios in her mind, but her data was insufficient to return working result.

“I suppose there’s nothing you can do until you discover he shares your feelings,” Rarity paused for a moment.

Ditzy: Just tell him how you feel?

Twilight… are you sure you actually love Spike in this manner, and it isn’t just your seasonal… for lack of a better term, horniness, getting the better of you?”

Ditzy: That was a terrible pun.

Rarity had a point, and Twilight considered it.

Doctor: Is it lust or is love?

“I’m sure. Because I felt this once before my season started. Which leads me to believe he does feel the same way.”

Ditzy: So what is this season they keep talking out?

Doctor: I think it is referring to Twilight’s estrous cycle.

Ditzy: Her what?

Doctor: I’ll explain later.

“So you kissed him today and your lips started tingling, and before that, you woke up with the same tingling? You think Spike kissed you in your sleep?” Rarity asked. Twilight shook her head.

Ditzy: How could it leave such a big impact when he didn’t even kiss her?

“Maybe he stopped himself at the last second. The first time wasn’t as powerful as this one, which leads me to believe he may have been struggling to resist kissing me that night.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) After all, how could he resist a smoking hot filly like me?

Twilight was working her mind furiously, trying to gather more relevant data for her conclusion.

Doctor: She created complex mathematical equations to calculate Spike’s feelings for her.

“Perhaps you should ask him about it. If he acts strange around the subject, then tell him how you feel and wait for his response.” Twilight blushed as she played that thought through her head.

Doctor: Maybe you could tell him how you feel during a romantic cataloging session.

She began to jump ahead to the evening activities and she giggled.

Ditzy: Gee. At least take him on a few dates first.

“Is the sex starting now? Darling, much as I love pairing two ponies, or in your case a pony and a dragon, if you’re going to start staining my couch, I’m going to have to kill you.” Rarity pointed a mop in Twilight’s direction. Twilight snapped out of her fantasy and giggled sheepishly.

Ditzy: (Rarity) No Twilight I’m serious. If I discover any stains on my couch, I will make sure they never find your body dear.

“Sorry, Rarity. I’ll head off then. Got to see a dragon about a kiss.” she teased.

Twilight felt really giddy as she made her way back to her Library.

Doctor: She started bouncing off walls.

She was mentally psyching herself up to tell him. Maybe I’ll ignore all that and just ask him out on a date.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Or maybe I should just jump him when he enters the door and let nature do the rest.

See what he thinks. If he says yes, then perhaps I’ll tell him how I really feel. I can’t lead him on like Rarity did, though.

The unicorn’s thoughts were interrupted as she entered the Library and saw a very familiar figure standing before her, surrounded by other figures.

Ditzy: Oh no! It’s Queen Chrysalis and she’s back for revenge!

Spike had finished packing and had gone out to get some lunch before the inevitable trip to Canterlot. He imagined himself being selected to babysit on occasion; a concept that bothered him slightly. Nearly every emotional wall he’d placed up had been destroyed by the Elements of Harmony. His friends had redeemed him and he was feeling mostly good about that.

Ditzy: So everything you did the last few years was pointless and stupid then?

But the lingering doubt that everything would be fine still waned on his mind. He hadn’t been using his magic much, and he felt that he needed to maintain perfect condition of his every ability. “The calm before the storm.” His mind let out.

.Doctor: Spike just knew the zombie apocalypse was coming.

He sat at a table for two in front of a commonplace take-out restaurant, his usual order of hay fries and burned ‘Caesar Salad’ barely touched.

Doctor: Why does Spike like burned food exactly?

He looked up to the sky and saw that the sun was shining a little more brightly than usual.

Ditzy: It might have to do with the fact he was looking right into it.

So many things plagued his mind, and he wanted them all either answered or gone. One thing in particular ate away at him.

Doctor: What were those black spots on the moon called? It was on the tip of his tongue.

It was connected to the second. What if danger struck Ponyville and Twilight was hurt as a result. These two things burned away at his heart and he felt darkness take hold. I’ll destroy any who threaten the peace of Equestria. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, ridding his mind of such thoughts.

Doctor: (Voice) Kill your family! Kill your family!

Dark thoughts hadn’t really reached him since he’d returned to Ponyville, and his attitude was just a remnant of a powerfully dark emotion; desire.

Ditzy: For a decent daffodil and daisy sandwich.

Spike checked the time on the clock inside the restaurant and sighed. It was time to get Twilight ready for Canterlot.

Doctor: And to triple check Twilight’s checklist for the trip.

He rose to his feet, leaving the barely eaten food at the table. He tossed some bits on the tray and headed out the door.

Ditzy: That cheap jerk! He didn’t leave a tip.

As he made his way to the Library, he wondered how the train ride would fare for the two of them as Twilight’s season of heat had only just begun.

Ditzy: Maybe she shouldn’t go if she’s going to get sick.

Doctor: He’s talking about her estrous cycle again.

Ditzy: Oh.

Would he have to protect passing Stallions from her? Would he have to protect himself from her?

Ditzy: That would kinda hard considering she has telekinesis and teleportation.

Would he have to lock her in the cubicle and take up another one altogether?

Ditzy: Don’t they have medication for this sort of thing?

Twilight was unpredictable when it came to these times of the year.

Ditzy: Stallions tell horror stories about it.

Doctor: (Spike) I knew we should have gotten her spayed.

The Library door was within his view and he reached for it.

Ditzy: Only for it to slam into Spike’s face when Twilight excitably opened the door.

“Hey Twilight, I thought for dinner we could get your mother to make her special macaroni and…” he was cut off as a choice number of spear blades met his throat, each blade bearing the engraved symbol of Celestia. “…Cheese.”

Doctor: (Spike) Um, is this about the taxes I haven’t pay the last few years?

he croaked afterward, eyeing the metal in front of him. He glanced up to see Twilight being treated similarly, Celestia herself standing next to the dishevelled unicorn.

Ditzy: Celestia was determined to punish Twilight for all the movies she pirated.

“What is this?” Spike demanded, his irises turning a slight pinky shade as he fought off the darkness that threatened to seep out after seeing Twilight in that situation.

“Hello, Spike. I’m sorry we couldn’t meet again under better circumstances, but I must insist that you come with me immediately.

Doctor: (Celestia) We have a pickle jar that not even I can open.

We have a matter of great importance to discuss with you, and Twilight and her friends cannot be involved in this.” Spike heard the Princess’ request and a single thought entered his mind as he foresaw this outcome.

Shit!

All: That’s out Spike!

Episode 12 - Legend of Starlight - Book 2 - Part 7

Chapter 7-....Must Come to an End

Rainbow Dash was flying over to Sugercube Corner to talk to Pinkie Pie when all of a sudden she was pushed onto a passing cloud.

Ditzy: (Figure)Your bits or your life?

“Hiya, Dash.” Gilda said, landing infront of her.

Rainbow stood up and flexed her wings. “Hey Gilda, where you been?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Preparing a love dungeon where Star and I can live together forever and ever..er, I mean, not much.

“Oh here and there. I was helping ponies get to a safe place when the “accident” with Twilight's magic happened.” Gilda said.

Doctor: It was a good thing Ponyville was well planned for an event like this.

Rainbow looked at her old friend. “Do you have any idea how that could have happened?” she asked.

“Nope,

Ditzy: Curses. Rainbow’s master plan failed.

I went to the library in Canterlot after that happened,

Doctor: (Gilda) I had midterms to study for.

sorry I wasn't here to help you figure it out.” Gilda said.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Did you try checking the clawwriting of the tampered spell...wait...curses.

Rainbow tapped her. “It's fine. I think that Prince Starlight is back in Ponyville now, might say hi to him later.”

Gilda nodded. “I got some stuff to do,

Ditzy: (Gilda) Star isn’t going stalk himself.

I might swing by and say hi. Later Dash.” She leapt off and flew in the direction of Ponyville.

Ditzy: (Gilda)

Rainbow smirked. “Hook, line and feathers.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Just as planned.

She flew off in the direction of Canterlot as fast as she could.

…

I was sitting at Fluttershy's watching her with the animals. I could tell why she was the Element of Kindness.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Get to work you lazy bums! Mommy wants this place spotless. If I even see one speck of dust, no dinner for any of you!

She was so patient with all of them, especially little Angel, who it seemed wouldn't listen to her if I was anywhere near him.

Ditzy: If it was me, I would have thrown the little twerp on the street years ago.

Doctor: (Nods sagely)

He rather liked me though, so he'd mind. Fluttershy shyly walked up to me. “Prince, I think that she's on her way.”

“Thanks, Shy. If she asks, tell her I'm at Rarity's.” I jumped up and tapped into Rainbow's cutie mark. I rose in the air and zoomed away to the boutique.

Ditzy: Um, does Star realize how dangerous it is to zip around so quickly like that? He isn’t the only one flying around you know. Somepony could get hurt!

Doctor: Kids today, so impatient.

I crossed from Rarity's to Sugercube Corner, then to Sweet Apple Acres to back to Twilight's. All of them were suppose to stall Gilda in some way. Fluttershy had asked for help with the animals, Rarity gave her a makeover,

Ditzy: And she went along with it?! Rainbow seems more likely to get a makeover.

Pinkie had her bake treats with her and Applejack had asked for help with gathering apples.

Doctor: (Gilda) What am I? You’re errand girl!?

“Phew!” I said to Twi. “I think it's working. Gilda's been stalking me all day.”

Ditzy: (Star) Why are yanderes popular again?

“It's not enough.” The purple unicorn said. “We need more time for Rainbow to get what she needs.”

Doctor: (Twilight) We need to stall her for at least five more hours Star!

Ditzy: (Star) You have two and half!

Doctor: (Twilight) I’m not that one rushing to and from Canterlot!

As we saw Gilda land outside the house I said to Twilight. “I'll handle this.”

Ditzy: (Imitates the Good, The Bad, and Ugly theme)

“Careful Prince.” she said. “Remember, Gilda will apparently do anything to have you.”

Ditzy: (Twilight) So if she, um, offers you tea, don’t take it.

“Just gotta make sure she doesn't have a chance.” I said, leaving though the front door.

Doctor: (Star) How about we go this abandon cabin I know about in the middle of nowhere?

Ditzy: (Twilight)(Facehoofs) You have...

“Hey Gilda. You up for a little race?” I rose in the air.

Doctor: (Star) The Ghastly Gorge sounds like a perfect spot.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Why do I even bother?

Gilda nodded. “I've been flying all day, but I never miss a chance to destroy somepony in a race!”

Doctor: (Gilda) Crushing the weak is what I live for!

“That's what I'm counting on.” I said to myself. ‘

Ditzy: (Star) I am so brilliant.

“Race ends when you catch me!” I yelled to the griffon, then took off.

Ditzy: (Star) But accidently gave myself a wing cramp and got caught almost immediately.

…

Rainbow wasn't allowed to fly really fast in the library,

All: The horror.

but after saying that she was on an official errand for the prince, she was allowed to fly at all.

Ditzy: Uh, what?

In the spells section of the library, she asked the librarian pony. “So, did a griffon come in here in the last few days?”

Doctor: (Librarian) Oh yes, almost a hundred. After all, the Canterlot Public Library boasts over five thousand visits a day! And from all sorts of races, not just ponies. Sometimes even dragons!

“Why, yes.” he said. “It was about 2 days ago. Before the party Ponyville tried to throw for the prince.”

Doctor: What an oddly specific and helpful answer.

“And did she check any books out specifically?”

Dirty: (Librarian) How should know? I don’t spy on our patrons.

The librarian thought for a second. “No, but she did spend a lot of time looking at these two books.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) Purdy books.

He left the aisle and returned with two books. Rainbow read the cover of one. “The Art of Spell Changing.”

Doctor: You too can change a simple levitation spell to a death ray and in just five easy steps!

“Thanks!” Rainbow said. “I'll bring these back later!”

Doctor: Hey! You need a library card!

She glanced at the title of the second book and paled.

Doctor: (Rainbow) ‘Twilight’… I should have known!

“Sorry, gotta dash!” she said, zipping out the door.

Ditzy: Doing a sonic rainboom!

Twilight had cast a special telepathic spell on herself and Rainbow before she left for the library, so it was no surprise when Rainbow heard in her head.

Doctor: And it has a nice change of pace from the other voices in her head.

Ditzy: (Voice) Eat Starlight.

Doctor: (Rainbow) For the last time, I’m not eating Star! He looks gristly anyway.

"How's it going, Rainbow?"

Doctor: (Rainbow) Gah! Don’t just talk to me out of the blue like that.

"I think I found something." she said. "I might need to look more..."

"Don't know if that's a good idea, Dash." Twilight said. "Gilda's racing with Starlight now."

Doctor: (Twilight) What could possibly go wrong leaving him alone with a crazy stalker?

"Dang! I didn't know we would get this far in the plan yet!" Rainbow said.

Doctor: No plan survives contact with the enemy.

"Buck! Good thing I'm on my way back. See you in a bit!"

Rainbow quickly returned to Twilight's with the books. Bursting though the front door,

Ditzy: We lose so many doors because of Rainbow.

she saw all of her friends there. “Oh Rainbow, you look absolutely tired!” Rarity said, walking over to her. “Come, sit down and rest for a while.”

Doctor: It isn’t like Starlight is in mortal peril or anything.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Eh, we’ll get to saving Star eventually.

Rainbow shook her head. “No time. Twilight, look at these!” She pulled the books out of her bag and set them on the table. Twilight came over to look at them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) My Little Human?! You’re one of those Humie weirdos?

Doctor: (Rainbow) Er. Um. The other...bag.

“The Art of Spell Changing? Well, that would explain how the words she wrote actually worked. She must have been planning this for a while.” Twilight said.

Doctor: (Twilight) Maybe I shouldn’t have announced my plan to use that spell weeks in advance.

“That isn't the worst part.” Rainbow said, pointing at the second book.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) She’s taking romantic advice from ‘Twilight’! No wonder she’s so messed up.

Applejack looked at it. “The Practices of Darkness? Now what kind of nonsense is that?”

Doctor: No kidding. Why can you get access to the dark arts through apubliclibrary?

Twilight started flipping though the book, stopping where a page had a claw mark.

Doctor: Twilight gasped in horror.

“She must have been planning to look at this part again....” She sat down, lost in the pages.

Ditzy: (Twilight) With this, nothing could stand in my way, even Celestia. I could rule the whole world and nopony would be able to stop me. The world could bow to my will!

Pinkie started bouncing around. “You all have GOT to try the cake Gilda and I baked. It is YUMMY!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) She said to save it for Star but I couldn’t help it! Though for some reason it made me REALLY sleepy!

“Pinkie.” Applejack said. “Ah don't think we have much time for that.”

“Oh you silly!” Pinkie said, laughing. “There's always time for sweets!” She stopped bouncing as they all heard Twilight gasp.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Applejack! How could you say such a thing!?

“We might have a problem.” Twilight said.

Ditzy: (Twilight) These books weren’t checked out properly! Shame on you Rainbow Dash!

“Pardon me dear, but I thought we already did.” Rarity said.

“It's worse then we thought.” Twilight explained. “Gilda somehow cast a hex on herself that gave her the power of darkness.”

Ditzy: This really is starting to become Kingdom Hearts.

“If that's the case.” Rainbow said. “Why didn't she just use it against Starlight?”

Doctor: Shhh… Don’t poke holes in your own story.

Ditzy: Yeah, that’s our job!

“Because she needed to see darkness first.” Twilight said. “That's why she messed up the spell. It filled my horn with darkness. The book says that you have to witness true darkness before you can wield it.

Doctor: How convoluted.

Ditzy: Doesn’t this create a chicken and the egg paradox?

And when the prince drew all the dark magic from my horn, he made himself temporally weaker to it.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Well...ponyfeathers.

Applejack gasped. “She's gonna blast him until he gives into her!”

Doctor: Ah, yes. The caveman approach to getting a mate.

“Not while I'm here!” Rainbow said. Suddenly they heard a loud crash outside the house. Running outside they saw Starlight lying on the ground half conscious with Gilda over him, trying to kiss him.

Ditzy: Gee, he didn’t even last five minutes. And he was on his guard too!

Rainbow's eyes flashed and she flew at them,

Doctor: Good. Use your aggressive feelings, filly. Let the hate flow through you.

proceeding to buck Gilda straight off of Starlight. She landed infront of her, rage in her eyes.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Get away from my coltfriend you bucking whorse or I will tear that beak off and gut you with it.

“Don't do anything rash, Rainbow!” Twilight yelled.

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh, it’s over already. Never mind.

…

I slowly stood up, rather tired. I had Gilda chasing me from Ponyville to Canterlot, twice.

Ditzy: (Star) I flew from Ponyville to Canterlot and Celestia boy are my arms tired!

She had finally caught up to me around the area with me and Rainbow's cloud. I watched the pegasus and the griffon face each other, ready to jump in if needed.

Doctor: Well...hobble in at least.

“So you tried to steal him from me, Gilda!” Rainbow said, with barely suppressed anger. “Just like back in flight school.”

Doctor: Why were these two friends again?

“Oh come on, Dash.” Gilda said, rolling her eyes. “You didn't need that stallion in the end anyway. Remember how you used to say, “I fly better alone?” Besides, he was a jerk anyway.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ah thanks, you’re right. Why are fighting over some stallion again?

“That's not the point!” Rainbow said. “I learned something from my time living in Ponyville. I don't need to keep living in a shell.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) My parents kick me out of their basement anyway.

She looked at us and smiled. “These are my friends, Gilda. They helped me learn how to live, to REALLY live.”

“Oh yeah?” Gilda asked, narrowing her eyes. “And what is that human doing for you?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Booty cal...I mean true friendship!

I narrowed my eyes, but Applejack stood in front of me. “Not yet, Sugercube. This is Rainbow's part.”

Ditzy: (Star) But I could solve this in five seconds! Her guard isn’t even up!

Doctor: (Applejack) That would be cheatin’ and dishonest Star!

“That “human” is the prince of Equestria as you very well know.” Rainbow said.

Doctor: Any reason why Ms. Dash is so fixated on Starlight’s title?

Ditzy: She secretly dreams of being a princess?

“Enough!” Gilda yelled, unfurling her wings. Rainbow stepped back and I saw an aura of darkness around the enraged griffon. “Guess what Dash, I think it's time to show you how I was always the best flyer!”

Doctor: Gilda was later barred for black magic doping.

The sky above us darkened and Gilda's feathers turned completely black.

Ditzy: It had nothing to do with evil magic, it was was just getting dark out.

Applejack moved from in front of me. “Now you can go.” I smiled and yelled, “Now, Fluttershy!”

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Eep!

Ditzy: (Star) No! Don’t run!

Gilda turned and flapped her wings extremely hard, blowing us all back. She then grabbed Rainbow in one of her claws and flew straight up.

Ditzy: Only to be taken by an eagle herself.

Fluttershy and I followed.

“I'm not sure I can do this, Prince.” She said, shy as ever.

Ditzy: I think you mean scared.

“I believe in you, Fluttershy.

Ditzy: (Star) Don't believe in yourself! Believe in the me, that believes in you!

Doctor: (Fluttershy) ...What?

Just remember the routine we went though.” I said. I used a spell and shot up.

Doctor: Into space.

Summoning Stormtide, I stabbed Gilda in the claw, forcing her to let go of Rainbow. Rainbow's wings had been pinned, so she couldn't fly yet. But right on schedule, Fluttershy swooped up and caught her. “House! Now!” I yelled. She nodded and flew back down.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What!? I can still fight! Bring me back!

Suddenly I felt a claw around my throat. “Fine then. I'll just beat you up until she gives you to me!” Gilda said softly.

Ditzy: I...don’t think you understand how this love thing works at all.

“I'm not a birthday present!” I gasped.

She then proceeded to throw me in the direction of Ponyville.

All: Goal!

I slammed into the ground and rolled as Gilda almost crushed me. “Stop Gilda!” I yelled. “You really don't want to tick me off more than you already have!”

Doctor: I’m slightly annoyed at your murder attempts.

“Too late for that!” She said. “You could have had me, Starlight. ME! But you decide to chose some flight school dropout instead?”

Doctor: (Gilda) I bet she doesn’t even have a shrine in her room with hundreds of pictures of you covering the wall!

“There's a difference between the two of you.” I said.

Ditzy: (Star) Rainbow’s sexy flank.

“Rainbow actually loves me, whereas you just wanted to use me for my powers and my title.”

Doctor: And the lack of murder attempts help.

Ditzy: An important foundation for any relationship.

Gilda reeled back. “How would you...?”

“My magic isn't really under control, so I accidentally read your mind. Good thing, huh?” I said mockingly.

Doctor: True, it could have been worse. It might of caused her head to explode instead.

Gilda's eyes turned completely red.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Now he knows about my hand fetish!

Not good. “Won't change a thing!”

Doctor: (Gilda) But maybe, um, we could keep certain things you learned between the two of us?

She then picked up a piece of the ground and threw it at me.

Doctor: (Star) A pebble? Really?

I sliced it in half and charged at her. She somehow grew her claws out so far that they were more like big daggers.

Ditzy: That sounds really painful.

She started slashing at me, I parried with my sword. Finding an opening, I slipped between her claws and sliced completely though them. I then back-stabbed her in the backside. She roared and fired a dark lazer beam from her mouth, hitting me in the chest.

Ditzy: I'M A' FIRIN' MAH LAZER!

Doctor: Ditzy, that was a way too obvious joke.

“Ahhhh!” I yelled, flying into a applecart. Gilda rose in the air, gathering darkness and shaping in into a ball, then threw it at me. I shot myself out of there as she blew up the cart behind me.

Ditzy: Poor AJ. Her farm has a hard enough time as it is.

I tapped into Rarity's power and blocked a steady dark beam with a hastily summoned diamond. The diamond started to break from the sheer pressure of Gilda's attack.

Doctor: (Star) Wait a secon...this isn’t diamond at all! It’s cubic zirconia!

“Getting tired, prince? Too bad!” She yelled, and redoubled the power. The beam broke though the diamond and slammed into me, sending me flying again.

Doctor: And sending thousands of tiny shards into his flesh.

Gilda then flew behind me as I was flying and whacked me into the air. She then whipped above me and slammed me down, sending me into the ground.

Ditzy: Super Combo!

She then walked up to me. “You can always surrender yourself.”

Doctor: (Gilda) You’ll enjoy being my slave.

“Not..gonna..happen.” I gasped. Gilda smiled and picked me up with her dark magic.

“Leave him alone!” We turned and saw my friends standing there. Twilight and Rarity had their horns sparking and they blasted Gilda, making her drop me.

Doctor: (Star) And just my luck, it was on a rock.

Rainbow landed infront of me. “You'll have to go though us first.”

“Fine by me.” Gilda said. "Let me just even the odds first." She pointed at my horn and it turned completly black. I felt drained and passed out.

All’: Hax!

Ditzy: It doesn’t seem to take much to up Star down for the count does it?

…

"Starlight!" Rainbow yelled, flying to him. Gilda swooped over and rammed into Rainbow, the two of them sent flying.

Twilght took charge.

Doctor: The true hero of this story.

"Applejack, help me move the prince to a safe spot!

Doctor: (Twilight) I have safehouse hidden in the mountains.

Pinkie, and Fluttershy, get every other pony somewhere safe!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) What ponies? Everypony ran away already!

Rarity, run back to my house and grab my healing spellbook!" The other ponies ran to do what she said.

"Hurry, Applejack!" Twilight said. The two of them slowly pushed Starlight behind the applecart that Gilda had thrown him into eailer.

"Ah'm not gonna lie to you, Twilight." Applejack said.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Star’s injuries are bad, don’t think he will live past the hour.

"I'm worried about Rainbow."

Twlight fliched as Rarity teleported back with the book.

Ditzy: Rarity can’t teleport. Don’t be ridiculous.

"We need to wake Starlight up, before Gilda does."

Doctor: (Twilight) His weak, hormone driven mind will easily crushed by her will.

…

Rainbow slammed into the ground painfully as Gilda shot at her over and over. The cyan pegasus rolled and leapt to her hooves, dashing down the road.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dashing if you will.

Doctor: Didn’t we use that joke already?

"Give up now, Dashie!" Gilda yelled. "I don't want to have to kill you!"

"Oh don't worry about that!" Rainbow panted. "You won't get the chance!" She rose up in the air and back-hooved Gilda in the mouth.

Doctor: (Rainbow) You’re not going to get the chance.

Gilda recovered and slammed her wings together, creating a dark shockwave. Rainbow flew over it and brought her front hooves into the griffons face. She then turned and kicked her in the face, knocking her away. "How do you like that, you bucking jerk!"

Doctor: (Gilda) Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!

"I'll send you back to Starlight in pieces!" Gilda's eyes turned completly black. Rainbow gasped in horror.

Ditzy: One winged angel form time!

…

Twilight and Rarity, their horns glowing pure white, stood in front of Starlight. They pointed at the prince and covered him in the light. Starlight started to stir.

Doctor: (Twilight) This should annoying him into waking up.

"I think it's working!" Twilight said.

Ditzy: (Star)(Mumbling) Oh Luna, those socks look so hot on you. Yes, pull them off slowly.

Doctor: (Twilight) ...Let’s pretend we never heard that…

Ditzy: (Rarity) Agreed.

"Good, we don't have much time!" Rarity said, looking at the darkening sky

Ditzy: Somepony’s using the Dragonballs.

…

I slowly opened my eyes, regaining my strength. Twlight and Applejack helped me stand. "Are you ok, Prince?" Twilight asked.

"What happened?" I said. "I couldn't do anything at all."

Doctor: (Star) Um, I didn’t say anything stupid in my sleep, did I?

"She tried to absorb your magic." Twilight said. "Apperently alicorns are immune to that."

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: Um author, could please establish something before using it for once .

"Still knocked me out." I said, flexing. We all flinched as we heard a thunderclap. "Come on! To the square!" I yelled, the other ponies close behind.

I looked up and saw Gilda and Rainbow fighting.I wasn't strong enough to fly yet, so I started to charge up some magic. "No, you might hit Rainbow!" Twilight said. The ponies stood around me, worried.

Doctor: (Star) Twilight, I know what I am doin… Gah!

I could see the darkness rising off of the griffon. Gilda whipped around Rainbow and blasted her in the head with a ball of darkness, sending her to the ground. I ran forward and caught her. Gilda slammed on the ground so hard that I fell over and Rainbow flew out of my hands. Gilda levitated Rainbow and threw her at the other ponies, hitting them and knocking them over.

Ditzy: (Gilda) Aaanndddd strike!

At seeing my friends hurt, something snapped within me.

Ditzy: (Star) I broke down and started crying.

I remembered what I had told my sisters at my coronation, that I would protect Equestria.

Doctor: Even if you’re barely able to accomplish it most of the time.

And I wasn't about to fail now.

Doctor: (Twilight) Would you stop monologuing to yourself and actually do something?!

I looked up at Gilda, fire dancing in my eyes.

Ditzy: They were in a conga line.

“So that's how you want to play it then?” I held my right hand up and yelled, “Celesta! Grant me the power of the stars!”

Doctor: By the power of Grayskull!

In a flash of light, my sword was glowing and so were my eyes.

Doctor: It was a cool effect, but it make it impossible to see anything.

I saw that Gilda had fear in her eyes.

Without any warning I rushed at Gilda and upward slashed her into the air. I shot upward, continuing to slash her. I then turned and kicked her upward. I raised my hand and a thin white beam shot out and wrapped around her leg. I pulled her downward, and myself up. Rising above her, I yelled, “Falling Star!” A ball, not much bigger then a baseball grew in my hand. I threw it at the falling griffon. It struck her and caused a explosion, slamming her into the ground.

Doctor: It also set half of Ponyville on fire. Opps.

I fell then, faster and faster...and drove my sword into the fallen griffon.

Ditzy: (Star) I hate you I hate you I hate you!

The force of the impact cause a mini shock wave. I pulled the sword from her and flipped off her as my friends galloped up to us.

Ditzy: (Star) Quick! Hide the body! I ain’t going to jail!

Suddenly, Stormtide disappeared and I fell over, my eyes not glowing anymore. Rainbow supported me up.

Doctor: But couldn’t support the sudden weight and they fell over.

Gilda was still clinging on to life. “Star....light.

Doctor: (Gilda) You’re on my wing.

Thank you. I guess I never realized what I was doing to everypony around me.”

Ditzy: (Gilda) I was too distracted by that sexy flank of yours Star.

She raised a claw to Rainbow. “Please, when you think about me, remember our good times.” Rainbow nodded, clearly upset.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What good times? Whatever, it’s better if I just nod and agree to whatever she’s says.

She then turned to me, with a little anger.

Ditzy: (Gilda) You’re the one that did this to me! Buck you!

“Prince, do me a favor and wipe that lame-o Nightmare from Equestria.

Doctor: Do you really want ‘lame-o’ to be in your final words?

“She's the one that put you up to this, isn't she?” I asked.

She nodded. “Tell her...tell her that I won alright?” We all nodded. Rainbow held Gilda's claw.

Doctor: (Gilda) I want you put me in lowship and set it on fire, on top of the bodies of my enemies, under a burial mount.

“Finally,” Gilda said. “Now for the ultimate race. Give me a decent head start this time Dash.” Then she laid her head back, and died.

Ditzy: (Sniff) Poor Gilda. A flight of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Doctor: A surprisingly heavy moment for such a silly fic.

I laid my hand on her and said, “Dwell with the stars, Gilda.” Above us, the sky turned blue again.

Ditzy: (Pony) For the last time, the forecast says clear skies today. Why can’t you lazy bums get this!

Episode 13 - Legend of Starlight - Book 3 - Part 1

Hello! This is the final chapter of the Starlight Saga and, unsurprisingly, it ends inconclusive and disappointing. I strangely actually found myself rather enjoying the Starlight Saga. Something about it is really enduring. It’s like a child’s finger paint drawing. I also rather enjoyed seeing Twow’s skill as a writer improve as it went along. Believe it or not, but he actually has his own riffing series. It’s called twow's Labtastic Riffs. Checking it out sometime, it’s good. It does a lot of NSFW stories though.

I am changing the schedule a little bit. This year I am going to a special Halloween/Nightmare chapter. I found the perfect “horror’ story to do. It’s The Beginning of the Endby pinkie_pie240. It is, without a doubt, the worststory I have riffed by far. I can’t even describe just how inept it is and it fails on pretty much every level. I could write a 10 page essay on everything it does wrong! Hopefully, it should be done by Halloween, but you never know with these things. I think it should be ready by then. I am already working on it. I will return to my normal schedule after Beginning of the End with An "Unreal" Dayby Brian Jacko.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction accountormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to twow443 for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 13 - Part 1

Ditzy huffed as she went down the pathway. “Just a little further.” She thought to herself. She took a turn past a bush. After losing her wings when the Doctor accidently turned her into a human, Ditzy decided to take up jogging to release some pent up energy she was gathering. She was wearing a dark grey sweatshirt and pink trousers. It wasn’t quite the same as flying, but she enjoyed it. She thought she might try some try some light running when she gets her body back.

She took another turn. Turning into a human wasn’t as bad as she initially thought, but she would really like to have her normal body back. Luckily she won’t be stuck in this form for long. The way the Doctor explained it, magical transformations naturally wear off. Magical transformations twist the body into something it’s not, a form it was never meant to be. The transformation magic turned her body into the form of a human, but Ditzy’s body naturally wants to be a pony. The pressure of body’s desire to return back in its natural form strains against the spell until it inevitably fails. It is similar to stretching a rubber band. You can pull it as much as you want, but once you let go, it returns back to its normal shape. This is why transformation spells don’t last very long. To put it simply, you can’t change something into something it’s not. Not even simple changes like hair color can last long. Only powerful magic like Discord’s can break these rules. The Doctor figured Ditzy will only stay human for a week or so, much to her relief.

Ditzy slowed down and started panting. She took out a water bottle that was attached to her belt and gulped it down. She wiped her mouth and sat down on the grass. She decided to just stay there for awhile and enjoy the scenery. Even if all tree and flowers in front of her weren’t real, they were still quite beautiful. Dinky really outdid herself designing this garden.

“You seem to be adapting well.” Ditzy looked up to find the Doctor trotting up to her.

“You should join me sometime. It would be a lot of fun.”

“I do enough running as it is. Besides I hate breaking out into a sweat.”

“Doctor, you are going to get fat.” Ditzy poked him in the stomach. “All you seem to do is sit on your flank all day. What is going to happen when a monster tries to eat your face?”

“Ditzy, I’m a time lord. My body’s muscles are naturally resistant to atrophying and I have a high metabolism. It will be a long time before my body starts slowing down and gaining weight, years in fact”

“Right.” Ditzy sounded skeptical. She bet he was just saying this to get out of work. It won’t be the first time. In truth, a lot of things the Doctor claimed about Time Lords seemed absolutely ridiculous. It seemed to her that the Doctor sometimes seems to have convenient powers that helped him get out of sticky situations. Ditzy wondered if one day the Doctor will reveal that he has godlike powers that, for some reason, refused to use until now despite all logic.

“Do you like being human?” The Doctor asked. “I certain must be quite the unique experience.”

Ditzy shrugged. “It’s okay. Honestly though, it feels more trouble than it’s worth.” Ditzy started wiggling her fingers. “Especially these things.”

The Doctor looked thoughtful. “I’m not surprised. It would most likely take you years to gain the dexterity a normal human would have. You haven’t spent all your life learning to use them.”

“I’ll take hooves any day.” Ditzy muttered.

The Doctor laughed. “I’m sure you would. It can’t be easy adapting to a completely different species.”

“I’m wondering why you were able to adapt so easily.” Ditzy pondered. “It doesn’t seem to bother you much at all.” It felt wrong for her to be in this form. It wasn’t her.

“I think the regeneration helped me adapt.” The Doctor concluded. “Not to the mechanics of being a pony, but the mindset of being something else.”

Ditzy tilted her head. “Really?”

The Doctor nodded. “It was the same for my other regenerations. I entered a new mind set, a new frame of mind, to match my body and thus am able to adapt very quickly. Quite ingenious really.”

Ditzy thought on this. “So are you a new person now?”

“Technically. My personally changes quite a bit from incarnation to incarnation, but I general stay the same person.”

“So you are a different person. Your personality is different.” Ditzy felt sorry for anypony that had to deal with Doctor suddenly changing like that. Ditzy didn’t like the idea of a friend just changing like that, into something different, yet the same.

The Doctor gave that look he gave when he felt Ditzy was missing the point. “Yes, yes. If you want to put it that way.”

“Do you hold a funeral for your old selves?” Ditzy pondered.

The Doctor looks aghast. “Why would I do that? It isn’t like I actually died.”

“It seems like a good idea to me.”

“Out with the old and in with the new I always say.” The Doctor exclaimed. “Besides, it isn’t like they’re actually gone per say.” The Doctor pointed to his head. “They’re still here.”

Ditzy looked confused. “Can they come back?”

“No, no. They’re gone, but a part of them still remains.”

Ditzy still looked confused. Ditzy had no idea how the Doctor could stay so calm about losing himself and becoming somepony else. She shook her head. Time Lords are weird.

The Doctor looked at a nearby clock. “30 minutes until the experiment starts. You should probably shower and get changed.” The Doctor gave a wry smile. “Unless you want to go in all sweaty like that.”

Ditzy blushed and quickly left for their room.

“You’re late.” Dinky chastised. It took Ditzy 10 minutes longer than expected to get ready. She was now wearing a simple bluish grey flannel shirt with grey shorts. A week later and she still had trouble dressing herself. This was why she doesn’t like clothes. She was just glad Rarity wasn’t here. The last thing she wanted was that mare fretting over her, trying to make her look pretty, and using her as inspiration for new fashion ideas.

“Sorry, these clothes are a pain to get on.” Ditzy muttered. She wondered why the Doctor won’t just let her walk around with only ‘panties’ as the Doctor called them. He said it wouldn’t be proper. She wondered why humans, particularly human mares, need to wear so many layers of clothes. Ditzy decided that if she ever met a human, she would ask them that.

“Let’s get right to it. Today’s experiment will be books three and four of the Legend of Starlight by twow443.” The Doctor and Ditzy looked aghast.

“How many books are there?” Ditzy asked in wonder. The Doctor just sighed.

“Enjoy.” Dinky gave out an evil laugh.The experiment alarm went off. The two time travelers dashed to the theater.

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Chapter 1-The Carnival of the Sun

Ditzy: Four books? Do you think this series has a Tvtropes page?

“Ahhhhh!!!” The three fillies, known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders ran down the hill by Sweet Apple Acres.

Doctor: They were reenacting the Battle of Trotterloo.

They were in the process of being chased by a rather large boulder. “Ah told you that rock-climbing was a bad idea!” Applebloom yelled.

Doctor Somehow...I’m not surprised by this.

Ditzy: (Nods)

“You didn't say that when we were almost at the top!” Scootaloo yelled back, also running. Sweetie Belle was silently running.

Ditzy: Poor thing is too scared to banter.

“We're almost at the farm!” Scootaloo yelled.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Applejack will be able to smash the boulder to pieces for sure!

Behind them, the boulder was getting closer. “We ain't gonna make it!” Applebloom said in a panic. Suddenly a lightning fast blur came out of nowhere and slammed into the boulder, pushing it back.

Doctor: Unfortunately the boulder’s weight and momentum were too much and the figure was quickly crushed.

The three fillies turned to look. They saw a human dressed in cyan and rainbow and holding a dark blue sword.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) Booo! I wanted it to be Rainbow Dash!

Doctor: (Applebloom) Ah was hopin’ it be mah sister!

“It's Prince Starlight!” Sweetie Belle yelled.

Doctor: It’s a bird!

Ditzy: It’s a plane!

Doctor: It’s Supersue!

The prince kicked the boulder statight up and launched into the air. With a couple of lightning fast slashes, he reduced the big rock to rubble.

Doctor: Unfortunately, the pieces of rubble weren’t small enough and Star was pelted by rocks.

He then turned and flew over to the young fillies. “Hey there guys. Pardon me for asking, but why were you playing tag with a boulder?”

Ditzy: (Star) Is this some new internet fad like planking?

The CMC bowed to the prince. “Umm, we thought that rock-climbing would help us get our cutie marks.” Sweetie said.

“So we kinds sorta made out own.” Scootaloo finished.

Ditzy: (Scootaloo) In retrospect, it was a bad idea to place giant rocks at the top.

Starlight shook his head, smiling. “If you needed help, you should have gotten me. I was at Twilight's all morning.”

Ditzy: He has nothing better to do I guess.

The fillies looked up in shock. “You really mean it, Prince?”

Doctor: (Star) I seem to be the only one that does anything around here.

“You know I love helping you crusade.” Starlight told them, desummoning his sword.

Doctor: (Star) Getting cover in tree sap notwithstanding.

“Aren't you three going to get ready?”

“Ready for what?” They asked simultaneously.

Ditzy: Ready for some hoofball!

“The carnival!” he said. “It's today.”

Doctor: Ponyville has a surprising large amount of festivals and carnivals for such a small town.

The three fillies gasped and dashed off in excitement. As Starlight prepared to take off, Scootaloo ran back and said, “Thank you for saving us.” She ran off after her friends.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) We should try to get our cutie marks in firework shooting!

Ditzy: (Sweetie) That’s a great idea Scootaloo!

Doctor: (Applebloom) Ah think I know where we might get some!

Ditzy: (Star) Oh for… did you listen to a thing I said?!

…

The Carnival of the Sun. Ponyville had three major “carnivals”

Ditzy: It does?

Doctor: Best not argue about it. It isn’t worth it.

This one, Nightmare Night and another one that I couldn't remember.

Ditzy: (Star) Something called the Carnival of Souls I think.

As I flew, I remembered what this celebration was about.

Ditzy: Getting so drunk that you can’t remember the previous night.

The carnival was to celebrate when Celestia defeated Nightmare Moon after I had been sent to Earth.

Doctor: Doesn’t the Summer Sun Celebration already do that?

What made this year special was that Celestia had given me permission to try out a special spell.

Ditzy: Is this such a good idea after last time?

The carnival took place in Canterlot and Ponyville and usually, several strong stallions would volunteer to pull carriages to take ponies back and forth.

Doctor: They do have trains you know.

But Twilight had found a special portal spell and wanted to open up a pathway from Ponyville to Canterlot so everypony could enjoy what both towns had to offer.

Ditzy: (Pony) Ten bits for a soft drink?! This is ridiculous!

I flew faster, knowing I was late.

Doctor: (Star) Mayor Mare strong hoofed me into doing a speech. Twilight is going to kill me.

“You sure this'll work, Prince?” Twilight asked me when I arrived.

Ditzy: Tearing a giant hole into the time space continuum, what could possible go wrong?

I walked around and examined the area we were going to create the portal. “Don't see why it won't. Let's do this already. I'm excited for this.”

Doctor: His spell failed and brought eldritch horrors into his universe causing an end to all life on Earth.

I knew that even though I was a alicorn,

Ditzy: I don’t think alicorn is quite the right term.

Doctor: A humicorn maybe?

Ditzy: Yeah, that works.

I didn't know a lot about magic in general.

Doctor: Then that makes casting such a complex and dangerous spell a really bad idea.

Ditzy: Somepony has been skipping out on their magic lessons.

Doctor: He lives with Twilight, this shouldn’t be possible.

Most of the spells I had used were in the heat of the moment.

Ditzy: Oh, so most of the spells you used are something you just made up, and they just happened to work right.

This was a perfect chance to try out some focused magic.

Doctor: Of course, if you mess up you might kill us all, but go right ahead.

Twilight and I stood about 12 feet back from the portal area.

Ditzy: No, you stood 12 hooves back from the portal area.

The pegasus in the area had moved everypony back from the spot.

Doctor: The terror and tension in the air was palpable.

“You ready?” I asked. She nodded. I raised my right hand at the ground and my horn necklace started to glow. I shot a thick white beam at the ground, then moved it upward in a circular shape. I created a circle

Doctor: So a circular shape doesn’t create an oval? Who would have thought?

with the beam then looked at Twilight. Taking the hint,

Ditzy: (Twilight) Opps. I got distracted there for a moment.

she flashed her horn and shot the middle of the circle, making the area inside ripple like the surface of a lake. I ended the beam seeing the circle was intact, then started the next part of the spell. I walked up and plunged my arms into the rippling middle of the circle.

Ditzy: (Star) Cold! Cold!

“Canterlot!”

Ditzy: Canterlot!

Doctor: Canterlot!

Ditzy: It’s only a model.

I yelled, my eyes glowing. A brilliant flash of light appeared

Ditzy: (Star) Out of my eyes frying everything in their path.

and blew me backwards. I made a neat landing on my feet as everypony in the area gasped.

Ditzy: Horrors beyond pony understanding started coming out of the portal.

I turned and saw Celestia walking from the circle.

Ditzy: It work? I thought Star being thrown back meant he falled.

Doctor: First time for everything.

She walked over to Twilight and said, “Well done Twilight. It seems that your portal was successful.”

Doctor: (Star) What about me...

She turned and looked at all the ponies, who were all bowing. “Let the carnival begin!”…

Picture one of Pinkie's parties. Then imagine that she threw the party for Canterlot, Ponyville and Cloudsdale at the same time.

Ditzy: It was a party armageddon.

You wouldn't even be close to how insane this carnival was.

Doctor: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Pony sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

There were games everywhere, snack booths all over the place.

All: The horror!

Everypony was helping or playing or just being downright silly,

Ditzy: (Spike) Uh Twilight, why are there ponies yodeling while ballerina dancing?

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh Spike, they’re just ponies getting in the spirit of the The Carnival of the Sun.

Ditzy: (Spike) It’s just plain weird if you ask me.

and it was awesome. The first 3 hours of the thing was pretty much me and Celestia

Doctor: Shaking hooves.

getting pulled around to check out the different attractions. This celebration was mostly about her,so it made sense.

Doctor: I imagine she doesn’t get time to unwind like this often.

I was mostly being pulled along because I was her little brother.

Ditzy: They had a wacky picture taken of them in a photo booth.

I can't even count how many times I had to go though that bucking portal we made.

Doctor: And Celestia kept insisting on going on rides that loop and go around in circles.

All my friends were doing something special for the carnival too. Rarity was making special garments,

Ditzy: At exuberant prices!

Doctor: She was selling novelty t-shirts.

Twilight was preforming spells for ponies, Fluttershy was taking care of animals,

Doctor: You mean she was running a petting zoo?

Pinkie was baking treats like crazy, Applejack was selling special apple treats I spent 4 hours with her making

Ditzy: (Applejack) Yeehaa! Now we can afford that new hip for Granny!

and Rainbow was going to preform her Sonic Rainboom in the evening

Doctor: (Rainbow) Is that all I’m good for now? I can perform more tricks then that!

Speaking of which,

Ditzy: So...what was Spike doing?

Doctor: Helping Rarity probably.

Ditzy: Of course he was. (Grumbles).

I hadn't seen my cyan-colored marefriend all day, until she ran into me by Applejack's stand.

Doctor: (Star) Gah! Why can’t you watch where you are going?

“Hai Prince!” Rainbow said, suddenly all formal as she bowed to me.

“What, no sarcastic comment?” I asked her as she looked at me.

“Course not.” She said, looking completely innocent.

Doctor: (Star) Maybe I should get a marefriend that isn’t constantly condescending towards me.

“Gotta be on my best behavior around royalty.” She pointed in the direction of Celestia.

“Oh and what am I?” I asked, smirking.

Ditzy: A commoner not worthy of his title?

“Not as important?” She said, smirking. “Come up to the sky if you wanna see some of the moves I'm gonna use in the celebration!” She shot up into the air.

Applejack shook her head. “Ah don't understand why you let her talk to you like that.”

Doctor: (Star) I enjoy being verbally abused.

“That's how she is?” I said.

Ditzy: And that makes any bad behavior A-ok.

“See you a little later, AJ” I launched upwards.

In the air, I was tackled by Rainbow. We spun around from the force of her kiss.

Doctor: And crashed into some nearby ponies.

Breaking free, I asked, “Couldn't wait to see me?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) No, get those clothes off now.

“I missed you all week, where were you?” She asked.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) We went a week without banging! I expect everything back with interest.

“Helping with the preparations in Canterlot.” I said. “Everything turned out great.”

Rainbow giggled, something completely out of character for her.

Doctor: I think Tartarus froze over.

“It sure did. Now you're mine until evening.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Don’t expect to walk straight for a week.

“Oh the horror!” I mock-yelled. She laughed and pulled me to our cloud.

Ditzy: Then pulled out a rag with chloroform on it.

…

I did a copy spell

Ditzy: (Star) Rainbow was into that sort of thing.

Doctor: Having fun?

Ditzy: I can’t help it! It’s just too easy!

on the portal, making it so it would stretch across the sky.

Ditzy: That...doesn’t sound safe at all.

That way, everypony in Canterlot and Ponyville could see the air show.

Doctor: I don’t think it is such a good idea to bend so much reality at once. You might cause irreversible damage to space time.

Ditzy: Who cares about that? Fireworks!

First, it was Pinkie's fireworks that I helped her make.

Doctor: Is there anything you didn’t help with?

Then the Wonderbolts did a performance. Finally, it was Rainbow's turn. She was absolutely beautiful in the air. Finally, at the end she rose to preform her Rainboom and suddenly fell.

Ditzy: She’s been hit! Mare down!

Everypony gasped and I jumped up from next to my sister and shot into the air. Rising to her, she flipped over and gave me a mischievous grin. “Ready?”

I nodded and we shot down, then created a twin Rainboom that spread across the portal.

Ditzy: Dear Celestia what have you done!

Doctor: We’re all doomed!

When we landed, the applause was amazing.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Woohooo!

Wonderbolts went to do a encore as we flopped down by my sister.

“Wonderful job, Starlight.” Celestia said. “I need to return to Canterlot. Would you mind staying in my place?

Doctor: (Celestia) Now I have somepony to draw the press’s attention while I make my escape.

“You knew we were gonna do that, didn't you?” I said. Celestia nodded.

Ditzy: (Celestia) You looked like somepony about to jump out of their seat the entire time.

I smiled and said, “Fine, I'll see you at the palace later.” Celestia flew upward and went back to Canterlot.

Rainbow sneakily snuggled up next to me. “We did good, didn't we?”

“Yes we did.” I said. We sat there as the Wonderbolts finished.

Doctor: (Pony) This is lame.

Ditzy: (Pony) I want another Rainboom!

Just as everypony was about to started heading home, Rainbow nudged me. “Starlight, look!” We saw a strange wagon roll onto the stage, covered in stars.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Now it’s time for The Great and Powerful Trixie to show you all a real performance!

Episode 14 - The Beginning of the End - Chapter 6

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 14 - Part 6

"What now, Twilight? Are there any other ponies we need to find?" I asked her.

"Yes, next, we need to find Fluttershy, with her, we are one step closer to gathering the Elements of Harmony."

Doctor: Assuming she’s still alive.

"Of course, with the Elements, we may be able to save Ponyville.

All: May?

The Elements are the most powerful thing in Equestria after all."

Ditzy: Next to anonymous users on the Internet.

"Yes, so that means we need to find her as soon as possible."

Doctor: Why didn’t you search for her sooner!?

Ditzy: Her cabin is right next to the Everfree Forest!

"Agreed. We should start our search tomorrow morning.

All: (Facehoof)

Doctor: I thought you said ‘as soon as possible’.

When the sun is out." I looked out the window, the sun was starting to set along the horizon.

Ditzy: It’s night already? It shouldn’t have taken that long to get to Zecora’s and back!

"Yes, we'll leave as soon as possible."

"Good, I'll gather the supplies we need, and we'll leave tomorrow." I turned to leave the room when she stopped me.

Doctor: (Twilight) Take this list. It should have everything we need.

Ditzy: (Violet) I don’t think we can even carry all this stuff!

Doctor: (Twilight) Nonsense, it always pays to be prepared.

"Violet?" She said with a calm tone.

I turned to face her, "Yes, Twilight?"

She walked up to me, stopped, and leaned in for another kiss. This kiss was stronger than the others.

Doctor: (Violet) It caused us to topple over.

We held it for a few moments, then separated. "I love you, Violet."

"I love you too, Twilight."

"If you would like, you can sleep in here tonight."

Doctor: Aren’t we bold?

It was a sudden suggestion. I was blushing. "Sure, Twilight, I would like that."

Ditzy: Shouldn’t you go on a date first before doing that?

"Thank you,Violet. It's just that, I've been having these strange feelings, like something bad is going to happen, and I just feel safer with you."

Doctor: Says the highly skilled unicorn mage.

I leaned in and kissed her again. "Twilight, with me around, nothing will happen."

Doctor: Really.

Ditzy: You’re just provoking fate like saying something like that.

With that, that I left the room to pack our supplies.

Doctor: Naturally triple checking everything.

In the living area, I grabbed all the bags that we had. I gathered all the supplies we needed; the weapons everypony needed,

Doctor: Because naturally Twilight has swords and such lying around the library.

a day's worth of food and water, and a few books Twilight wanted.

Ditzy: Just twenty of them.

After I finished that, I moved all the bags by the door, ready for the morning. I heard hoofsteps approaching me from behind, turning, I saw my brother. "Hey, brother, what are you doing up at this time?"

Ditzy: At a late 5 o’clock in the afternoon.

"I could ask you the same thing, anyway, that doesn't matter now.

Doctor: Pinkie kicked you out right?

What I want to know is, what's the status between you and Twilight?"

Ditzy: Are paralyzed? Poisoned perhaps?

"We're just friends, why do you ask?"

"Don't lie to me sis, tell me, are you two together?"

"No."

He just stared at me with a grin.

Ditzy: Violet really wanted to punch him in the face.

Then walked back up the stairs. "Very well, say what you want, but just because I'm your little brother, doesn't mean you can hide things from me." And then he was gone.

Ditzy: (Violet) Jackoff!

Whatever, I have to finish packing.

Doctor: (Violet) I don’t think we need 6 canteens

I got back to it, packing an extra map, followed by a medical kit just in case.

I walked back up the stairs and into Twilight's bedroom, ready to rest for the night. She was

Ditzy: (Violet) Laying on the bed looking at me seductively while levitating a copy of the Pony Sutra.

reading a book when she noticed me and stopped. "Oh, Violet, come in, I've already prepared your side of the bed for you."

"Thanks, Twilight." I said lying down.

Twilight noticed my expression, because she asked, "Violet, is everything okay?"

Doctor: (Twilight) You’re not infected are you?! Celestia! What are we going to do!? There might not be a cure! Maybe I should just kill you right now and put you out of your misery. That would be the equine thing to do.

"Sorry, Twilight, I'm just exhausted from today, and I can't clear my head of the other night when I saw the mare. Would it be okay with you if I go for a little flight for a while?"

Doctor: Sounds incredibly dangerous and stupid. Sure, why not.

"Of course," she leaned in and kissed me again, "Just be careful."

"I will."

I walked onto the balcony and took off, I had my bow with me just in case I was attacked.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, she was too tired to shoot straight.

I looked down at the town, it was devastated. There were undead everywhere.

Ditzy: Dang zombies moving in an ruining the place!

I scanned the ground just in case I saw anypony still alive. Then I saw somepony being chased by the undead, and my mind went back to the other night. "Oh no, not this time."

I dove down toward the mare, hoping I could save her this time. I landed next to her, "Come with me," I said,

All: Come with me if you wanna not die.

hoping she would. She was a yellow, pink maned pegasus, her cutie mark was three butterflies.

Ditzy: What a coinkydink!

"I can take you somewhere safe."

She wouldn't move, so I just grabbed her and took off. I was going to save her, no matter what she wanted.

Doctor: (Violet) I’m going to save you and you’re going to like it.

Soon, I was approaching Twilight's house, and I landed on the balcony. "Twilight, I need you, it's important."

I placed the mare on her side, she appeared unconscious.

Ditzy: (Violet) Let’s draw on her face!

Twilight came onto the balcony, and when she saw the mare on the ground, she gasped. "Fluttershy?"

"This is Fluttershy?"

Doctor: (Violet) I expected her to be bigger and more muscular.

"Yes, is she okay?"

"She's fine, but she must have fainted from the shock."

Doctor: Maybe you should check her close for injuries? Nah, it’s probably not important.

"Take her downstairs."

I carefully lifted Fluttershy onto my back and held her in place with my wings so she wouldn't fall. I carefully placed her on the sofa and covered her with the blanket I had.

Ditzy: Then pulled out a giant pair of cymbals.

"How did this happen?" Twilight asked me once we left Fluttershy.

Doctor: Well, Fluttershy has never been the most put together pony out there.

"After I left to fly around, I saw her being chased by the ponies. So of course, remembering the other night, I had to save her."

Doctor: (Nods in approval)

She walked up to me and hugged me tight. "Thank you, Violet, for saving her."

"No problem, Twilight."

She let go of me, "Now we are one step closer to gathering the Elements of Harmony."

"Three down, three to go."

Ditzy: Um, what makes you so certain they’re okay? The town is swarming with zombies! Doctor: Of course they will be somehow.

Author's Note:

I had to write this chapter twice because 1. It didn't save the first time and 2. There were so many errors.

Ditzy: (Author) I kept naming Twilight ‘Twikift Soarkle’.

But I'm satisfied with this one.

Doctor: (Author) I finally wrote something legible.

Ditzy: (Author) And I didn’t have to edit it or anything!

Let me know what you think, and if you dislike this story, I'd like as reason why. I'm taking requests for including original characters into the story, just let me know in advance, and I'll let you know what to do.

Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 8

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 8

The Greatest Team is Formed and the Competition Continues to Grow

As time went on, the ponies found themselves competing more and more in the Unreal Tournament. Twilight Sparkle was voted as captain of their team.

Doctor: After an aggressive smear campaign against Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

They called themselves the Mane Six.

Doctor: Figures.

They dominated throughout the leagues and many other game types. They often faced the most elite teams including the Wonderbolts.

Rainbow Dash got her wish and was able to score a few Duels with Soarin'.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash found it a bit strange how insistent Princess Luna was about it.

After their matches they instantly bonded together and became more than just friends.

Doctor: Unfortunately, he couldn’t leave his true love….pie.

Rainbow Dash and Soarin' found that they truly were meant for each other and they often spent time bonding inside and outside of the arenas.

Doctor: They later had a foal together named Bone Scraper.

The other girls entered many dueling tournaments when not competing in team based games and had to face against some tough competition.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna decided what Dueling match ups they would like to see most.

Doctor: You could at least be a little impartial Princesses.

Twilight Sparkle often found herself fighting against Trixie.

Doctor: Somehow I figured this would happen.

Trixie entered the Unreal Tournament because ponies were not respecting her skills with magic,

Doctor: (Trixie) Behold a coin behind this pony’s ear that wasn’t there before!

and she felt that she needed to try something else in order to gain the fame and adoration that she so desperately craved from others.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Trixie has it! Trixie will open up a Ponytube account and do angry, profanity filled reviews about movies and video games!

Both mares were masters of the Shock Rifle. Trixie enjoyed taunting Twilight Sparkle when they played against each other.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, Trixie grandstanding and theatrics often got her killed.

When Rarity was not volunteering to help the Princesses decorate and create new arenas,

Ditzy: Where in Equestria is she even getting the time to do all of this? She barely has enough time to finish her dresses.

she found herself faced up against none other than Prince Blueblood. Even though Prince Blueblood couldn't stand getting his coat dirty, he was inspired to join the Unreal Tournament because he was among the upper class,

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Sure, this totally looks like a game nobility would play.

Doctor: Is this like Yu-gi-oh where the entire world seems to be based around one game?

and seeing that both Princesses were so fanatical about this game

Doctor: Stressing the word fanatical here.

made him believe that he could gain respect and possibly have his chance at becoming closer to royalty since the Princesses enjoyed this game so much.

Doctor: Him and Princess Celestia have sadly grown distant over the years.

He often found himself having battles against Rarity with the Sniper Rifle. Rarity was more than happy to show him a thing or two about head shots.

Ditzy: What did poor Bluey ever do to you?

Rainbow Dash often fought against Lightning Dust. Lightning Dust joined the Unreal Tournament because the Wonderbolts refused to give her a second chance at trying out to become a Wonderbolt.

Ditzy: For some reason, not caring about causing civilian casualties is frowned upon.

The battles were super fast paced and frantic. They both had quite the affinity for blowing each other to pieces with the Rocket Launcher and strived to be the very best in the arenas. Both of them loved to taunt each other during their battles.

Doctor: Though never using Yo Momma jokes. They would never sink that far.

Applejack gladly went hoof to hoof with either Flim or Flam. The Flim and Flam brothers figured that they would try their luck making it big time in the Unreal Tournament since they weren't having much luck selling apple cider

Ditzy: That totally makes sense.

anymore thanks to the Apple family's home made apple cider being vastly superior to their own.

Doctor: Strangely, Applejack ended up getting romantically involved with one of them.

Lastly, both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie would take turns dueling against Gilda.

Doctor: (Sighs) Is everyone fighting someone they might have a bit of a grudge against?

Gilda entered the tournament in order to try to impress Rainbow Dash so she could win her back as a friend and to give Pinkie Pie some revenge for exposing her bitterness and making her look like an angry fool in the past.

Doctor: It didn’t work.

There were many other Duel matches that the Princesses arranged,

Doctor: Mr. Cake vs Fancy Pants!

Ditzy: Mayor Mare vs Hay Seed!

Doctor: Moondancer vs Cheerilee!

Ditzy: Crackle vs Shining Armor!

Doctor: Lemon Hearts vs Elizabeak!

Ditzy: Angel vs Gummy!

Doctor: Fluttershy vs a potted plant!

but these match ups seemed to be their most favorite when it came to the Dueling tournaments.

Doctor: They thought it was a good way to avoid elaborate revenge plots in the future.

Pinkie Pie was the first pony to ever get the ultimate killing spree award, Massacre by racking up thirty kills without dying in the process.

Ditzy: Congratulations?

When Pinkie Pie found her most favorite power-up, the Berserk in Death Match games, bodies would drop like flies. On certain arenas like Carbon-Fire,

Doctor: These names mean nothing to us! Nothing!

she was able to combine the Berserk with the Damage Amplifier which resulted in the Juggernaut award. No pony could seem to stop her until the effects of the power-ups wore off.

Ditzy: So it was quickly banned.

Many times, the game became hide and seek for Pinkie Pie because ponies would play keep away from her when Pinkie Pie collected these power-ups and Pinkie Pie just loved to play hide and seek. It was almost as if she was playing a game inside of another game which meant double the fun to her. This was even more terrifying than when she would pick up the invulnerability power-up on arenas like Fearless because at least ponies had the chance to gang up on her with their Impact Hammers and try to blast the power-up off of her with its secondary firing mode and grab it for themselves even if she was still hard to catch. She was like the ultimate killing machine when playing the Death Match game type and she got so manic and high under the effects of these power-ups.

Doctor: Pinkie later entered rehab and got her life together after a hard and debilitating addiction.

They were really the only power-ups that she timed and she was never late to try to collect them the second they respawned.

Doctor: Popularity in the game waned because no one wanted to face Pinkie Pie anymore.

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia crowned her as the queen of the Death Match game type and she was feared by all.

Ditzy: Don’t you mean princess?

The more ponies participating in a Death Match arena, the happier she became because that meant more frags and more fun.

Ditzy: It must stink to start a game, only for one player to always win and kills you with ease.

She loved to throw a party afterwards for everypony participating in the Death Match arena with her

Ditzy: That makes up for it I suppose.

because she had fun killing them all over and over again and who wouldn't want to throw a party after a good game?

Doctor: Cake makes everything better.

Pinkie Pie was the most exciting pony to watch with her random movements and wall dodges. She was able to reach places in arenas that many other ponies thought were not possible to get to. Not even Twilight Sparkle understood all of Pinkie Pie's tricks and arena mobility tactics.

Doctor: Not that she didn’t try. Poor poor Twilight.

The arenas were like her playgrounds and she knew all of the tricks and the quickest ways to get around them.

Doctor: And she can naturally teleport.

She also helped invent the option to play games with the multi-wall dodge mechanic so that a pony has the option to dodge off a wall once in mid air and then keep dodging against another nearby wall or object until gravity eventually brought the pony down.

Doctor: Gravity broke down and cried today.

Most of the time, a pony could dodge off the walls about two to three times without hitting the ground depending on how close the walls or objects were to each other. She was like a pin ball bouncing off the walls and many of her other friends really didn't like to play with this ability on with her because it just made Pinkie Pie that much crazier and harder to frag.

Ditzy: Like Pinkie isn’t already broken as all heck.

They only played with this ability once in a while to keep Pinkie Pie happy even though the idea was awesome and fun to play games with that kind of unique ability.

Doctor: So they only use this mode when Pinkie is playing?

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo desperately wanted to play in the Unreal Tournament when they heard about the stories

Ditzy: (Facepalm) What were you thinking!?

Doctor: Way to be responsible sisters.

and saw the trophies being brought back.

Doctor: (Scootaloo) Rainbow Dash’s liver! That’s so cool!

Scootaloo really wanted to play this game with her hero, Rainbow Dash, but the fillies were too small to play this game and the Princesses ruled that only stallions and mares could play.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia. You had me worried there for a second.

This game was not intended for fillies and colts.

Doctor: Like that actually stops them.

The Mane Six was a dominating force that gained fame all across Equestria.

Doctor: Saving the world with the Elements of Harmony? Pfft, whatever. Unreal Tournament is the only place one can get real fame and glory.

They were feared by all and they would become legends in the Unreal Tournament arenas.

Ditzy: Unfortunately, those legends were completely forgotten when a little new addictive game called Ponycraft came out.

The end.

Author's Note:

I am a dedicated Unreal Tournament player

Doctor: Really? I never noticed.

and am an admin for the server [ToJ.cc] Christian Carnage in Unreal Tournament 3.

Doctor: (Author) I frag thee in the name of the lord!

I play with a group of people who play this game every Monday nights on this server at 9pm USA eastern time. My Unreal Tournament 3 name is [ToJ.cc]Mostly_Harmless. I love to Duel as well and I will often put down what I'm doing and play a Duel if someone else asks me.

Doctor: (Author) I have lost several jobs because of this.

Please feel free to join our server at any time to play. I am also their Co-chapter leader and moderator for their Unreal Tournament 3 forums and my name is Mostly_Harmless on the ToJ.cc website.

I would also like to point out that at the end of the story, I speak about Pinkie Pie inventing an ability called the multi-wall dodge. This was actually my original idea for a special mutator in the game and my friend [ToJ.cc]Danny_Miester was able to take my idea and make it a realty thanks to his coding and modding skills. This option is only available to play on our server and it's very fun to play with.

Doctor: Unfortunately, it made the program self aware and it tried to destroy humanity.

I do play a few other PC games and you can easily get in touch with me through steam.

All: (Gasps)

Ditzy: You play other games?

My steam name is Brian_Jacko. Please check out our website and feel free to sign up an post on the forums. Our website can be found here...

http://tojudah.com/

Doctor: So after this, will you rushing to buy Unreal Tournament?

Ditzy: Nah, I think I will just play Portal again. It seems more worth my time.

Doctor: (Nods)

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The Doctor and Ditzy were gathered around the Hearth’s Warming Tree. Ditzy had a mug of eggnog in her hands that she was periodically sipping. The Doctor was snacking on some cookies shaped like trees that Ditzy made the other day. Both were reclining on a brown sofa.

“Okay, all ready.” Dinky said in eagerness. She was almost bouncing on her chair. Star Shot was reclining against the wall. She pressed on a button on the console and a wrapped package was transmatted into the room in front of the tree. “This is from me to you Ditzy.”

“I wonder what it is.” Ditzy asked.

“Probably a transcript of ‘Darkness of Love’.” The Doctor quipped.

“Stop that.” Ditzy scolded before returning her attention to the package. She tore it open and gasped. It was a waffle maker. “Thank you so much!” Ditzy said genuinely liking her gift. “Ponyiton. It’s a good brand too.”

Dinky beamed. She pressed a button and another package appeared in front of the tree. “Now open your gift Doctor.”

He trotted up to the package and carefully opened it. Inside of it was a book. ‘Of Mice and Ponies?’ He read off of the cover.

“It’s a first edition too. I know how much you like old books.”

The Doctor looked taken aback. “Thank you.”

“Now it’s my turn!” Ditzy said maybe a bit too forcefully. Dinky suspected she might be a little drunk on the eggnog. She held up a package grinning ear to ear.

The package was transmatted to the control room and Dinky quickly grabbed it. Star Shot watched curiously. Dinky opened it and inside was a ticket to a Hoofball game that was playing next week with the Canterlot Phoenixes. This was Dinky’s favorite team. Dinky hugged the ticket for a few moments before saying a quiet, “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it!” Ditzy chirped. “I got you something too Star Shot.”

Star Shot perked up at this. “Oh really?”

Ditzy held out a package and Star Shot transmatted it to her hooves with a press of a button since Dinky was still too distracted by her ticket. She eagerly opened only to give a disappointed look when she discovered the contents.

“Perfume?” Star Shot deadpanned. Dinky left her revelry and looked at Star Shot’s gift. It was a brand of perfume that her mother rather liked and often used.

“It also has a fur grooming kit.” Ditzy said happily.

“Thanks.” Star Shot said clearly not happy with her gift.

Ditzy tilted her head. “You don’t like it?”

Star Shot scoffed. “Perfume’s not really my thing.” Dinky thought about it and this was certainly true. Star Shot didn’t really put much work in her appearance.

“I’m sorry. I’ll have to get you something else.” Ditzy said mournfully.

“Sounds like plan. How about you Doctor? Did you get me anything?”

“No, I don’t give gifts to villains.” The Doctor smirked.

“That’s not giving into the Hearth’s Warming spirit.” Star Shot said sarcastically.

“I don’t care.” The Doctor said simply.

“I tried to convince him to at least give you a Hearth’s Warming card, but he won’t hear any of it.” Ditzy sighed. “So stubborn.”

The Doctor smiled triumphantly. This didn’t surprise Dinky. Still, it would have been nice to get something from him. Dinky suddenly brightened. “Now it’s your turn to exchange gifts!”

Ditzy got several boxes out from under the tree. “This is from me to you Doctor.”

“Look at all of them.” Star Shot said in bewilderment. There were at least 15 boxes there. This didn’t surprise Dinky all that much. Her mother had a habit of over giving gifts during the holidays. Her mother loved giving them and Dinky figured she gave so many to the Doctor since she was unable to give anything to anypony else this year.

This year Ditzy got the Doctor all sorts of things; a new tie that was red, a bow tie, winter socks, candies the Doctor likes, a subscription to Equestria Science Monthly, and various other miscellaneous things.

“And finally this.” Ditzy hoofed the Doctor one final gift. The Doctor opened it.

“It’s beautiful.” It was a fob watch, the old kind you need to wind. “Thank you Ditzy.”

“Oh, it was nothing. “ Ditzy smiled. “I found it at an antique shop with the help of Dinky.”

“And this from me.” The Doctor set the watch aside and handed her a card. Inside was a 70 bit Stream gift card.

“Thank you Doctor!” Ditzy hugged him.

“That’s it?” Star Shot said disappointed.

“It’s what she asked for.” The Doctor said simply.

“Yeah, with this I can buy like 50 games!” Ditzy said happily perfectly content with her gift. She went back to sipping her eggnog.

Star Shot shrugged. Dinky was a little disappointed. She was hopping for the gifts to be something more romantic or at least something more than what something friends would give each other. It struck Dinky just how her parent weren’t connecting like intended. She hopped after all this time they would be a little more than just friends. Ditzy thought about, and the two were more than just friends, but they were more like siblings than special someponies. She sighed deeply. Maybe next year things would turn around. She was taken out of her revelry when Ditzy suddenly suggested that they sing Hearth’s Warming songs.

“That can wait till next year.” Dinky thought and joined in the singing perfectly content and happy to spend this Hearth’s Warming Eve with the ones she loves even if she couldn’t be with them like a daughter.

Episode 20 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 11

Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 20 - Part 2

Chapter 11: The Leviathan Awakens

Ditzy: (Leviathan) I’m pancake! Er, I mean awake!

Spike surged with power and rage, dashing quicker than lightning through the village of Skyclaw. He cut down every gryphon he came across.

Doctor: Including the young, old, and infirm. Our hero.

Ditzy: What does this even solve? They aren’t your enemies!

Pinkie: Evil does make you stupid!

Due to his unrelenting hatred towards the gryphon race,

Doctor: It was a bold choice for the author to make every main character an unlikable mass murderer.

he had difficulty telling military from civilian, adult from child, elderly from infant.

All: Our hero!

Ditzy: I don’t believe this. Spike sinks even lower somehow. He’s bucking murdering foals now! Murdering foals! He’s the worst protagonist ever!

Doctor: It scares me that I have the sneaking suspicion that Spike is the author’s ideal hero.

Pinkie: Sure he senselessly murders innocents, but he gets results!

He was pissed beyond belief,

Pinkie: So that makes everything a-ok!

not even the animals were safe.

Ditzy: Mr. Mc Fluffy no!

Dogs found themselves without tails and paws. Pet snakes found themselves wishing they could regrow heads like hydras, even the ferocious battle tigers were no match for this force of chaotic anger.

Pinkie: Wow! That’s amazing...what’s a battle tiger?

One of the gryphons tried to defend itself against Spike, having hidden its family from him. The gryphon screeched at him and stretched its wings outward and upward in a threatening pose, pacing towards him. Spike just roared right back at the gryphon stranger and threw his arm towards it. The arm stretched out toward its prey and clasped one of the wings in its claw.

Ditzy: (Spike) Yoga grab!

Spike pulled back and with tenacity and force, tore the right wing off of the gryphon. The one-winged gryphon

Ditzy: Vowed to sue him for this.

touched the ground in agony and struggled to grip the remaining stub behind its shoulder blade. Spike was far from finished though. He threw his arm out again, still holding the wing, which had been sharpened thanks to the bone snapping off. He threw his arm down and jammed the broken bone into the gryphon’s skull, silencing it forever.

Doctor: And now he kills a griffon just trying to defend his family!

Ditzy: He isn’t going to get any comeuppance for this will he?

Pinkie: (Author) Am I extreme and edgy enough yet? Am I? Am I?

He then proceeded to grab the entire gryphon and throw it at a group of other gryphons who thought it smart to attack him from behind.

Pinkie: Dang it! They should have attacked him from the lower right!

One of the gryphon Generals was watching from on high, the madness and mayhem that was polluting the once thriving village. Having been born and raised in the Skyclaw, he held a fraction of the hatred Spike had towards his kind. Just as he was about to send more gryphons, most likely to their deaths, a messenger emerged with new orders. The General read over the orders and smiled.

Ditzy: They are having a two for one cupcake sale at the local bakery!

“Well it’s about damn time. Captain, tell your men to release the Leviathan.” the General ordered. Just north of the Skyclaw village, roughly a single kilometre, was a large lake that connected to the ocean through a tunnel beneath the surface. The Leviathan resided within that lake and above all else, he supposedly hated loud noises.

Doctor: (Leviathan) Dang juveniles and their loud rock music!

The gryphons knew better than to screech when he was present, but Spike surely didn’t share than knowledge.

Ditzy: He only skimmed through the ponypedia page!

The Captain nodded, affirming his orders and flew towards the lakebed. Three more gryphon guards waited there for him.

“Captain, is it time?” one of them asked.

Pinkie: (Griffon) Is it?! Is it?! Is it?!

The Captain took his place on the dock at the lakebed and nodded to the others. They all smiled with glee before preparing to alert the Leviathan. They took in deep and sharp breaths, holding it for a second. Then, with a loud and powerful expulsion, screeched into the water. Combined, the sound was ear-splitting and lasted all of around ten seconds. When they finished, they remained still, searching the water for any sign. For a moment they believed they had failed, but the water quickly became disturbed and rumbling alerted them of the creature’s presence. Satisfied with their work, they took to the skies and headed back for the Skyclaw village.

Doctor: Wait, what? No pointless death?

Ditzy: Yeah, I am expecting that one of the them would have to throw themselves in to lure out the Leviathan!

Seconds later, a large tentacle emerged from the water and came slamming down on the dock the gryphons had occupied just before.

Doctor: (Griffon)(Sighs) Every freaking week. Get the guys Gagan. It is going to be a long night.

Another tentacle breached the surface and fell towards the sandy edge just next to the dock, then another, and another. Ten tentacles hit the lakebed and created deep grooves around it. Then the face of the creature rose to the surface, its thick skin glistening with the water trickling down off of it to join the rest of the lake. The face rose high above the water, and soon, shoulders rose up, followed by a torso, the arms of which were the tentacles that came first. The Leviathan lifted one of its legs up and rose out of the lake in a single step. The tentacles slid away from the edges and wrapped around each other forming solid arms.

Spike took notice of the behemoth to his right and roared in challenge to the creature.

Doctor: The Hyperion is lucky Spike is too thick to realize he could just avoid the Leviathan all together and go back to his business.

That roar was all the Leviathan needed to identify Spike as its target. A loud and deep bellow escaped the creature before the two monsters made their ways toward each other, prepared to kill the other.

Pinkie: Spike vs Leviathan! Now on pay-per-view!

Back in Canterlot Twilight was banging on the door to her room, screaming to be let out. She’d taken a less than agreeable approach to the Angel’s plan.

Ditzy: She kicked him the groin several times and spit in his face!

Celestia sat on her bed, waiting for the young mare to calm herself.

Doctor: All Celestia did was kidnapper her and sent her boyfriend on a suicidal rampage under false pretences.

Pinkie: Yeah, some ponies!

She couldn’t pretend to understand how Twilight was feeling at that time, having long since forgotten what it felt like to be in love

Doctor: What is this thing called love?

and do the stupidest things for the sake of that other individual.

Pinkie: And her attempts to date on OkCupid ended in disaster!

She’d seen it countless times, but Twilight’s was the most violent reaction ever displayed.

Ditzy: And Celestia never thought Twilight even knew words like that!

Whether it was due to her tampering with the dark arts or just an above connection to Spike himself that caused such violence, she didn’t know. Even after having explained the plan to her, Celestia had to dodge near fatal attacks from the unicorn

Pinkie: Yeah Twilight! You’re being a total jerk!

Doctor: What Celestia did was total reasonable! Why can’t you understand that!?

until she changed her primary target to the door.

Pinkie: (Door) What did I do!?

Even as Celestia waited, Twilight kicked and blasted at the door, sometimes with great skill and flexibility, at the same time.

Ditzy: Celestia had to admit that kicking the door from over your head was pretty impressive!

It wounded Celestia to see her faithful, yet recently tainted student act the way she did, but war darkened every heart it touched, and she knew Twilight needed no more darkness added to her soul.

Pinkie: What she needed to two raw eggs and 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract!

The room was protected from dark magic, and was specifically tuned to ward off Twilight’s magic in particular.

Doctor: Is that all?

Pinkie: (Rolls eyes) At least make it something challenging!

Luna herself stood guard outside the door just in case something should happen.

Doctor: It gave her plenty of time to catch up on her ZZZZs!

Twilight screamed loudly, giving up on the door and heading for the window instead. She tried to chance the fall, but as she leaped through, an invisible force field knocked her back inside.

Twilight had tried everything, from blasting her way out to teleporting, from attacking the room to attacking her teacher, nothing worked,

Doctor: Ah, but Celestia never took away her spoon!

she was stuck and it burned at her mind body and soul, knowing that Spike was needlessly putting himself in danger just so Celestia and her little gang could end the war faster.

Ditzy: The dreaded Sunshine Cake Crew!

Twilight however, was prepared to sacrifice more ponies if it meant she could finally be happy, and with Spike.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh, right. Almost forget him there.

After yet another minute of trying all possibilities, including frightening Celestia off of the bed,

Pinkie: Luckily she had rubber snakes on her for just such an occasion!

she settled down and sat in the middle of the room, her eyes closed and her mind working on another solution. Celestia took that opportunity to speak again, having waited silently for just such a moment.

“Twilight I know you’re… for lack of a better word, upset…

Doctor: (Celestia) But I am sure we can have a calm and reasonable discussion about this.

but you must understand, I have to protect my ponies from more suffering, and if Spike has to be fooled into winning the war for us, then that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Doctor: You could have just...nevermind forget it.

If something should happen to him and you never want to speak to me again after this, I’ll understand.”

Ditzy: (Celestis) Can we still have tea time on Tuesdays?

Twilight said nothing as she continued to focus on another way out. However, she took the time to listen to what her teacher had said. As far as she was concerned, she didn’t want to speak to Celestia again anyway, regardless of the outcome.

Pinkie: And she is so not getting the Golden Fillies DVD set Twilight bought her for her birthday!

She’d tried to sell Spike off in order to prevent this war in the first place,

Pinkie: For only 60 bits in 3 easy instalments!

that was reason enough for Twilight to never want to speak to her again. The latest of idiotic ideas was the jump over the line.

Ditzy: (Celestia) I’m telling you Luna the Double-Decker Couch is a great investment!

Twilight would never forgive her for this treachery.

Doctor: Or the author writing her beloved teacher like that!

Maybe you should offer your sister up to the Gryphon King instead next time. She thought as she returned to her planning.

“Believe me when I say I hope for the best in relation to Spike, I really do.

Doctor: (Celestia) Just ignore the fact most of my plans end up with him being killed.

But it’s him or Equestria, and you of all ponies should know what the right answer is.” Celestia continued.

Doctor: Um, er, Who is Queen Majesty?!

Pinkie: Can I get a lifeline?

There is no right answer, she thought. You can’t trade one life for many more, even if that one life was little more than scum. Even if it were King Sombra, or Queen Chrysalis, everypony has a right to live.

Doctor: (Nods)

Ditzy: Wait, weren’t you killing things left and right like two chapters ago?

To sacrifice oneself to save many others is a choice that one has to make. Nopony else can make it for them. Twilight wanted to say as much, but thought better of it.

Pinkie: Because Twilight never gives speeches!

She didn’t want Celestia coming up with a retort.

Pinkie: (Celestia) No you!

She wanted at least a shred of the teacher she once knew and loved to remain, not tainted by the fear war inspired in her.

Doctor: You know, this might have actually worked if you gave her a proper reason to be so fearful instead of tacking it on her character out of nowhere.

It then struck her. She knew she couldn’t do anything to the barrier or Celestia that would make the alicorn release her, but to sacrifice herself…

Twilight rose to her hooves and ignited her horn. The magical aura surrounded her and took on the shape of a sphere, twirling around like mist in a crystal ball..

Pinkie: (Twilight) Now Celestia releas- Hey with this I can catch the college hoofball game with this! Go Canterlot Phoenixes!

“What are you doing?” Celestia asked, standing up and backing away from the unicorn. Twilight knew she had to answer in order for the threat to work, but the dissatisfaction of having to speak to her former teacher once again almost made the attempt seem not worth it.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I never liked you tea! There I said it! I thought it tasted like chalk and would dump it...wait. I’m getting off topic.

“If I can’t see Spike, then I see no reason to remain here, here in this room, or in this mortal coil.” Celestia seemed confused at first, but further explanation clarified the meaning behind the sphere.

“As powerful as Spike is, he might not be able to defeat every Gryphon and when he least expects it, he’ll die.

Pinkie: By tripping down some stairs!

I see no reason to live should that happen.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Well, the new Avengers movie comes out next week. Maybe I could hold on for that long.

If You don’t let me out, I’ll kill myself, and I suppose you, while you’re within the barrier.” she declared. Celestia’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Twilight, surely you wouldn’t?”

“I would. I’ve had suicidal tendencies during the three years Spike was missing,

Doctor: Like we needed a reminder of that.

if I can’t see him because of you, I don’t want to live in this world anymore.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’ll live in that universe with those weird naked bear creatures instead!

And you don’t need me to tell you what he’ll do when he finds out I died as your prisoner.”

Pinkie: (Twilight) He’ll file a lawsuit!

Celestia struggled to find a way to defuse the situation without losing Twilight to the open world, but she was unable to accomplish this task. With a sigh of defeat, she turned her head to the door.

Doctor: Poor Celestia. Not allowed to succeed at anything.

“Luna, drop the barrier.” Celestia ordered. There were muffled curses from behind the door, but Twilight could feel the barrier drop. Just as the door opened, Twilight released her hold over the magic and let it dissipate harmlessly.

Ditzy: That was easy.

Pinkie: (Twilight) It looked like I smuggled that nail filer in my… you know for nothing!

“Would you have really let yourself become a slave to chance?” Celestia asked as Twilight walked past Luna. She stopped half way through the doorway and turned back to her former teacher with a smug grin on her face.

“Is it slavery when you get what you want?” she asked in return. As Twilight closed the door behind her, she had a sinister idea.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’m going to rabbit ears every book in the library!

Using her magic, she sealed both princesses in the room together, using the same barrier attuned to their own magics. She then placed a seal on the door so nopony could enter and break the barrier from within using their own magic. It didn’t tke the sisters long to realise what had happened. Twilight waited for the classic words;

Doctor: (Celestia): How rude!

“Twilight Sparkle, open this door!” There it was, straight from the horse’s mouth.

Pinkie: Come on. You can do better than that. Raise a hoof in the air and screen “Twiiiiiliggghhhtttttt Spaaaaarrrkkklllleeeeee!”

Celestia was less than pleased. Satisfied, Twilight left the princesses to their own devices, making a mental note to release them once everything was over and done with.

Doctor: Unless they create a failsafe in the spell for just such an occasion.

“Spike, we’ll obliterate the Gryphon kingdom together. Wait for me.” she said as she stepped out into the open, saluted by the royal guards stationed at the entrance.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I can’t wait to slaughter more mares and children too!

Doctor: (Twilight) Genocide is so much fun!

Chrysalis was disturbed from her slumber by the sudden movement of her companion. The Angel had sat up and was looking around as if there were an intruder in the room.

“Is something wrong, my love?” she dared label the Angel as such.

Pinkie: (Mar) I want you to call me Snugglebug!

He seemed unphased by the title, still focused on whatever had distracted him from his slumber.

Doctor: (Mar) Why did she get such a annoying loud refrigerator?!

“Something’s happened. The power has shifted somehow. An event I had not foreseen has occurred.” he replied.

Doctor: I thought you didn’t make mistakes Grimmy.

Chrysalis sat up, happily sore from the events that had taken place before.

Doctor: (Chrysalis) Who knew jazzercising was so tiring.

“Is that good or bad? I mean, has this power shifted in our favour or the gryphons’?” she asked. The Angel seemed to consider the question, delving into whatever psyche or third eye he used to view the world above for the answer.

Pinkie: (Mar) Ask again later?

“They have a Leviathan.” he said. Chrysalis considered the creature she knew all too well.

Ditzy: The last Queen kept one as a pet!

“A Leviathan is a slow moving creature with water based attacks that couldn’t penetrate a dragon’s scales, I don’t see how Spike could lose to that.”

Doctor: Or even bother with it.

Pinkie: It has a ten percent chance of dropping the rare Leviathan Scale.

“And this, my dear changeling, is why I am the ringleader and you remain naïve to the important things in life.”

Pinkie: (Mar) I know every Hoofball player stat for the last 10 years!

Chrysalis, although hurt by the Angel’s response, could not fault him.’

Ditzy: (Chrysalis) Nerd.

“Spike just so happens to be susceptible to water when he is in the form he is in now. Should he be hit by water, his body will burn and he will be reduced to a dragon without scales. I’ve seen such a dragon. It was a suffering unlike anything I could hope to give to another.” he replied.

Ditzy: No dragon ever wanted to go out with him.

“I don’t understand.”

“Imagine if you will, a dragon without scales. You’re probably thinking he’d have a surface similar to that of a bald pony, but that is not the case.

Doctor: (Mar) Think of it like a bald pony with a bad toupee.

Beneath those scales are the muscles and veins filled with blood. Think of a skinned Pony, still alive, a changeling without an exoskeleton. Just standing on their paws, feet or hooves would be an agony that forces one to welcome death.

Doctor: I guess the author is trying to balance out Spike’s powers by giving him a big weakness.

DItzy: Even kryptonite doesn’t hurt Supermare that badly!

They would be unable to lay down without suffering as though they were lying on a collection of red hot branding irons.”

Ditzy: So...I could defeat him with a glass of salt water?

Pinki: (Spike) I could be defeated by a sponge it won't’ even have to be an evil sponge!

Chrysalis cringed with every detail and thought that entered her mind. to be reduced to muscle and bone, live through it and suffer simply standing.

Ditzy: Wait, the griffons don’t even need the Leviathan! They could take him down with a bunch of supersoakers!

She would have begged for death then and there just to make sure such a thing would never be possible for her if she didn’t cherish her life and her children so much.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) I could never live without you Phil.

Doctor: (Changeling) The name is Photocopy.

Pinkie: (Chrysalis) Whatever.

“Please, Angel, help him. Even if he means nothing to me, I could not stand to know something lives a life such as that.”

Ditzy: Her dream of being a world class river dancer would be ruined!

The Angel looked Chrysalis directly into her eyes. There was a moment of silence before he rose from the sleeping chamber they shared and stretched himself, then with a crack of his neck, he sighed.

“As you wish, your majesty. And so, the Angel of Death shall go to war.”

Ditzy: (Rolls eyes) Of course Spike needs Mar to save his flank.

Pinkie: (Author) Only 61 on the Mary Sue litmus test? I can do better than that!

Episode 25 - Kingdom of Monsters Part 1

Hello again. This time we will be riffing a fic called Kingdom of Monsters by hielispace. This is what a friend of mine likes to calls Edge Porn. The relishes how dark and edgy it is. It’s pretty absurd. Fun to riff though. This time I am uploading the story in two parts. There is no way I am going to upload 16 chapters. That is way too much work. From now on I will put chapters into one or two parts if they are short (1000 words or less) to make it a bit easier on myself. Who has time to upload 16 chapters anyway?

Next time I will be doing Book 1:Changing Patterns by natis120. Its stars an OC that is the daughter of Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra. What more needs to be said than that?

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me atmy fimfiction account ormy blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Thank you hielispace for letting me use your fic! You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 25 - Part 1

Trixie moaned in pleasure as the hot water of the jacuzzi soaked into her body. It was just the thing she needed and she let herself fall into the soothing warmth of the water. It had been a far too long time since she’d done something like this. Trixie had always enjoyed visiting a spa, but rarely found the time to go to one.

The last week had been a strange one. Adjusting to life in the facility wasn’t easy. The confined corridors and rooms were stifling to Trixie. Worse yet, the whole place had an anti-magic field strong enough she couldn’t even manage a basic levitation spell. It was very trying having to pick up everything by hoof. She needed to be free, not cooped up here. She worried about what might happen to her new wagon. Trixie grunted in frustration. She just made her first down payment on the thing too!

Trixie put those troubling thoughts out of her mind for the moment. There was nothing she could do now. She let her muscles relax, the tension soon left her. Trixie looked up and there was the Doctor passing by with a book in his hooves. He was shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

Trixie sat up straight and peered at the Doctor. “What are you reading?”

The Doctor looked up. “Oh, I was just reading up on 18th-century history. I find it pitifully inaccurate. It expects us to believe Sir Ion Storm poisoned his brother and wife to become head of the Storm family. Ridiculous.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow. She’d heard of this controversy. The leading and believed theory after the mysterious death of Heavy Storm and his wife was that they were poisoned by his brother. After all, he had so much to gain from doing so. He was never found guilty, but the accusation haunted him to his grave and this day. “Oh, and you know what happened for real?” Trixie asked sarcastically.

The Doctor had a glint in his eye. “I might.” He said. Something about the way he said it suggested that he knew more than he was letting on. Something he did often much to Trixie’s annoyance.

Trixie laid back and sighed. She didn’t know what to make of the stallion. He was odd, to say the least but had an intellect and vast knowledge she had never seen before. There was something otherworldly about him somehow. It seemed like he knew things he probably shouldn't and talked about things that happened centuries or millennia ago like they actually happened to him. There was something un-equine about him too, which was ridiculous. But the theory didn’t completely leave her mind.

Trixie decided to change the subject. “So when does this experiment start?”

“About five o’clock more or less. That gives you about an hour or so.” The Doctor explained.

“Very well.” She looked at the Doctor as he left. “Say Doctor?”

The Doctor turned back. “Hmm?”

Trixie gave her best seductive smile. “How about joining me? I would...enjoy the company.”

“No thanks.” The Doctor said simply and walked off.

“Hphm,” Trixie said in protest. The fact that the Doctor didn’t just dive into the jacuzzi with her showed there was something supremely wrong with the stallion. Oh, well. He was very easy on the eyes in Trixie’s opinion. His aloof attitude actually made him more attractive. She did think that she wouldn’t mind being trapped here if he was around. The fact Ditzy had no interest in him whatsoever made things even easier.

Trixie walking into the main meeting room feeling refreshed and revitalized. She knew what was coming and wanted to be at her best to tackle it. She saw that the Doctor and Ditzy were already there.

Ditzy raised an eyebrow. “No cape and hat?”

Trixie scoffed. “What? You think Trixie spends most of her time wearing her ensemble? Hardy. Trixie would find it more a complete nuisance.”

“It isn’t really all that surprising. That would just wear them down.” The Doctor surmised.

Trixie nodded. “The Doctor is correct. A good hat and cape aren’t cheap.”

“Looks like it is about time for the experiment.” The Doctor said after looking at the clock.

A monitor went to life filled with static that covered the whole screen. A deep distorted voice appeared over the speakers. The static moved up and down to the frequency of the voice. “Hello, my little test subjects,” Dinky said.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know what you have done with her things,” Trixie said in a hard voice.

Dinky sounded taken aback. “Well... um…” She coughed. “I assure you that your cart and things are safe somewhere.”

“Trixie should hope so. She better not discover that you left it in the middle of the street.” Trixie said haughtily.

“And you should give her some of her things,” Ditzy interjected helpfully. Trixie found the mare to be a bit odd at first, but she was earnest and friendly enough. Trixie thanked her quick wits. She didn’t even think of that.

“Trixie will provide a list,” Trixie said with a snort.

“Fine.” Dinky gave in surprisingly easily. “Anyway, today's experiment is titled Kingdom of Monsters by hielispace. Chapters one through eighteen. Enjoy.” She gave a rather corny evil laugh. The very loud experiment alarm went off.

“Eighteen chapters?!” Trixie said alarmed.

“Don’t worry about it. They’re probably pretty short.” The Doctor said comfortingly.

“If...you say so.” Trixie gave a hesitant nod.

Ditzy nodded. “The experiment usually doesn’t last that long. Trust us, it will be fine.”

Trixie nodded and the three went into the theater.

Trixie: So what does Trixie do exactly?

Ditzy: Just say whatever you want. Believe me, jokes will really help you get through these things.

Trixie: O-ok…

Doctor: You’ll be fine, just have fun.

“Tell me again why we are mapping the Everfree forest, it is not like anyone goes of the path,” Commented Spike as he and Twilight walked through the Everfree.

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh Spike, stop being so silly. You act as if doing this will lead to something horrible. You’ve seen too many horror movies.

“In case ponies get lost,” Twilight replied as she drew some more on the map.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Sunny Town, check. Sacrificial altar, check. Zecora’s Hut, check.

“On, look at that, it’s your bedtime, go back to the library and get ready for bed, I will come shortly.” That was a lie,

Doctor: It was two in the afternoon.

Twilight just was annoyed at Spike for asking the same question over and over again.

Trixie: (Spike) Are we done yet? Are we done yet? Are we done yet?

“Fine, see you in a bit,” Spike said as he walked out. Twilight will only be a minute, she can’t get hurt, Spike thought as he went back over to his home.

Trixie: It’s only the Everfree; full of the horrible unspeaking monsters.

Ditzy: Have to start this plot somehow.

Doctor: (Spike) Get lost in the forest? Please. Wait, didn’t I already come this way?

Twilight kept mapping out the forest, letting her thoughts wander.

Trixie: And failed to notice the timberwolf stalking right behind her!

Why is everyone so scared of this place? It feels like home,

Ditzy: Get a few lamps and potted plants and it would be downright homely.

Twilight shook her head, how could this place be home? Twilight thought she saw a green flash in a some water. It is probably nothing.

Ditzy: Trixie please stop grinning like that.

Trixie: What? Trixie just thinks it's fun to see Sparkle blunder to her death.

Then she came across a cavern with a eery glow come from within it. What is that, I should go check it out.

Ditzy: You can’t say this is stupid because the Doctor would do the exact same thing. Only more carelessly.

Doctor: (Glares)

She slowly moved towards the cave. Those actions sealed her fate.

Ditzy: Spoilers! Ugh, I hate that!

When she entered the cave, she was amazed. Torches glowing green were lining the walls. Strange markings were written in a random pattern,

Doctor: (Reading) Be sure to drink more ovaltine.

A pool that had a liquid that seemed to glow ten times brighter than the all of the torches combined.

Doctor: (Twilight) Toxic waste? Eh, whatever. It’s probably nothing.

Against her better judgement she went over and touched the fire burning within the torches.

Ditzy: Twilight loves burning herself for fun!

Instead of burning her, it felt like her hoof was dipped in liquid nitrogen. How can a fire be cold? Twilight thought.

Trixie: As her hoof broke off.

Then a splitting headache gripped Twilight,

Ditzy: Not enough caffeine.

Making her tumble into one of the markings. A pain shot through her legs. This must be dark magic. Twilight thought as she cried in pain. She needed to find relief.

Doctor: With Bayer Aspirin. Sure to get rid of any headache or backpain!

Maybe that pool will do something. She thought as she jumped in.

Ditzy: (Blinks) What? Why the hay would she think that?

Which is where the physical pain stopped, and the metal pain began.

All: Doh!

Trixie: Trixie was so sure that would work!

The unicorns mind was changing. Becoming more and more dark. Twilight tried to fight it, but the darkness seemed so nice.

Ditzy: It bought her candy and presents.

Spirit of Rarity: She loved the way darkness wore those really tight faux leather pants.

Her alien thought Made her now enjoy the transformation she was experiencing.

Trixie: (Twilight) Look at all the tentacles my body is sprouting! That’s so cool!

A wave of pleasure shot though her as her hind legs

All: Um………….

became like the tale of a snake.

All: Phew.

Her fur became scales from the waist down. She opened her mouth, trying to gasp for air. Instead her organs transformed and the pony once known as Twilight was no more.

Doctor: Because she suffocated due to her lungs turning into gills.

“Ow my head,” Twilight said as she woke up from her sleep. Where am I? All I can remember is falling into this pool.

Trixie: (Twilight) This is the last time I eat the pink one’s special cupcakes!

Doctor: I think you mean Pinkie Pie?

Trixie: Right, what you said.

Then one of the symbols lit up. Filling her with information about her new spices flooded her mind.

Doctor: (Twilight) Oh! So that is the secret of KFC’s herbs and spices!

I’m a lamia?

Doctor: Oh dear. If she starts eating children, I’m quitting!

Twilight thought before the next wave of information hit her.

Trixie: (Twilight) Woah! I know kung fu!

So that is what happened. She was speechless. What could she do. Maybe I could help everyone, with is new power I could help everyone become Powerful.

Ditzy: And fulfill more monster filly fetishes.

Trixie: Doesn’t that mean nopony will be?

With those words she accepted her powers.

Ditzy: Suddenly being a snake-pony thing seemed pretty cool!

Her scales and fur became green. Her cutie mark formed on her back, but with a snake coil around it. Twilight was gone. Only Eclipse Shadow remained.

Doctor: Eclipse Shadow? (Rolls eyes)

Ditzy: That’s trying way too hard.

Trixie: So we should expect names that sound like they were created by an edgy 14 year old.

Author's Note:

How due you guys like the rewrite. Tell me in the comments

Ditzy: Rewrite? This thing is barely a few paragraphs long! What was the original like?

Chapter 2

Fluttershy looked around desperately for a particular herb.

Trixie: (Fluttershy) Where is the Locoweed? Mommy needs her fix!

Angel was really sick, and she needed it to make some medicine for him. After searching for at least a hour, she still couldn't find some.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Curses. This parking lot doesn’t have the herb I need!

Well, I don’t have any so I guess I have to go to... A shiver went down her spine. The Everfree Forest.

Trixie: Apparently everypony has taken their Stupid Pill in this story.

As she walked into the forest, careful to stay on the path, she thought she saw a flash of bright red light in the distance. It was probably nothing.

Ditzy: Oh come on. Has nopony seen a horror film?

She thought as she ventured into the deeper and deeper into her final resting place

Ditzy: Again with the spoilers! Thanks story!

Eclipse spent some time fiddling around with her new body and powers.

Ditzy: Finetuning her new character sheet.

My snake half is extremely flexible.

Trixie: Must resist sex jokes.

Eclipse mused as she twisted it around a torch. My magic seemed to have grown stronger as well.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I now do 2d6 more to my enemies!

Eclipse looked over the markings on the walls. The runes told her that the purpose of the cave was to lead the Elements here, to be 'improved'.

Ditzy: So they can have cool new fan art on Deviantart!

She figured that one of them was meant to retell information, another meant to comence the transformation itself, and last one seemed to pull the elements to this cave. Then the pool's grey-ish light seemed to disappear. That’s odd.Eclipse thought. Suddenly, the pool vanished in a flash of light, and in its place a blood red drinking cup appeared on a white pedestal. The cup had an elegant design on it, containg ruggedly graceful bat wings on a blood red, metallic cup.

Doctor: A vampire, how creative.

Ditzy: What is it with you and vampires? Seriously. You can barely contain your dislike for them.

Doctor: They are an ancient enemy of my people, Ditzy.

Ditzy: (Blinks) Really?

Trixie: (Snorts) Pull the other one.

The next element must be coming. I guess I have a chance to test out my new powers.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I have all these cool new combos to play with!

Doctor: (Eclipse) Look at the skill tree I have now!

Eclipse thought, barely being able containing her excitement as she zipped around the corner.

Trixie: (Eclipse) Wait a second. According to this ancient script, she’ll sparkle in sunlight. On second thought, nevermind. This isn’t an improvement at all!

Fluttershy was extremely afraid, although being very careful to stay on the path. That is, until she saw a bright red glow in the distance. It somehow overrided her fear, leading her towards the light, like a moth to a candle.

Trixie: (Fluttershy) Oh hey! A red light district! I’ve been wanting to get some action for awhile!

As she entered the cave, her fear returned.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Curse my irresistible love for red lights!

She wanted to leave, but the three markings on the wall seemed to trap her in.

Trixie: (Fluttershy) They say ‘Do not leave’. It would be rude to disobey them!

She walked deeper into the cave when she heard something slithering around.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Oh Jim is that you? It’s been too long!

She moved towards the noise to inspect it, but then she felt something rap around her hooves. She tried to move, but what she now knew as snake coils had already made their way up her body. She struggled and wriggled trying to free herself.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Jim stop it! This is not funny at all!

Forcing Fluttershy to look Eclipse in the eyes, she activated her new power. Fluttershy seemed to melt in her coils,

Doctor: It turned her into a gelatinous ooze.

her mind becoming clay in Eclipse’s hooves. That was easy. Eclipse thought. Now then, let’s see what this power can do.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I know! I’ll make her think she’s Daring Doo and send her on some adventure!

“Fluttershy, you will always do what I tell you,” Eclipse said.

“Always do what you tell,” Fluttershy replied in a zombie-like state.

“You will love me, you will trust me, you will obey me,” Eclipse commanded.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I call it LOTTO for short!

“Love, Trust, Obey,” Fluttershy said. Eclipse then released her hold on her mind.

“Now, go drink from that cup,” Eclipse commanded. Who ever set this up must have known that I would do this, otherwise Fluttershy would never have drunk from that cup.

Doctor: She hates fruit punch.

Kind of creepy.

Doctor: (Eclipse) Why am I doing this again?

“As you wish,” Fluttershy said.When she picked up the cup, she shivered. It glee faintly.

Ditzy: It broke out into song.

The closer it got to her mouth, the stronger the glow. When it finally reached her mouth. It’s glow was strong enough to blind most.

Doctor: So Fluttershy dropped it and screamed, “ow my eyes!”

Fluttershy took her first sip, the mysterious, bitter and copper tasting liquid moving slowly down her throat.

Doctor: Hmmmm. I wonder what it could be.

The second swallow seemed to go down more smoothly as well as taste better. After the third gulp, she was eager to get more. It just tasted so good. Who needs kindness when I have this?

Trixie: Soon she’ll be knocking over convenience stores so she can get her next fix.

She felt her wings change, feathers falling out, being replaced by a thin membrane. The more her body changed, the less kindness she contained.

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I think I’m going to order a big dinner and not leave a tip! Bwahahaha!

Each feather falling off to reveal more and more of her bat wings. Her ears became that of a bat's as well as growing long, sharp fangs. Eclipse was amazed at the transformation. The mare’s change was very different than how she changed. It must be that her mind is, or rather was, stronger than mine.

Doctor: Not sure what that means.

When Fluttershy seemed to have stopped shape shifting, Eclipse asked, “How do you feel?”

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I don’t think that’s any of your business! (Giggles) Being evil is so fun!

“I...I don’t know,” The newly created vampire replied. Her body felt so... so...different. Eclipse watched as Fluttershy's coat darken to black and her eyes go from teal to red. What I am talking about, of course I know how I feel!

Doctor: (Fluttershy) I can’t wait to take an unnecessarily long time to write a check at a cash register!

“You sure you don’t know,” Eclipse asked as she watched her closely. Then, right before the vampire was about to answer, a dark red light appeared on her flank. When the light faded, a new cutie mark had taken the place of her normal three butterflies. It was of a bat ripping through a butterfly.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I could really go for some mosquitoes right now.

“Yes my queen, I know how I feel,” the pony once known as Fluttershy finally said. (Eclipse noted the she called her queen.)

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Ahhh… I wanted to be a princess!

“I feel amazing.”

Doctor: (Fluttershy) Does anypony have some apples? I’m sooo thirsty!

With that, the shy pegasus that used to be Fluttershy ceased to exist. In her place, the vampire known as Draintooth was born.

Doctor: Draintooth? Really?

Trixie: Were you even trying with that one?

Ditzy: Wait a minute, what about Angel? He’s still sick!

Chapter 3

Rainbow Dash couldn’t sleep. It felt like something was forcing her to stay awake.

Doctor: It was her time to be turned into a monster with little resistance.

Why can’t I sleep.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I knew I shouldn’t have drank those eight energy drinks tonight.

Rainbow asked her self. She needed to find out.

Trixie: (Rainbow) I know! I’ll bug a certain super egghead to research it for me!

If something is doing this, it would have to be in the Everfree. Rainbow Dash thought to herself as she burst out of the door.

Doctor: Only evil magic could cause that leap of logic.

Eclipse studied the markings carefully.

Ditzy: (Eclipse)(Reading) Ands o, teh eluments shalll be rebonr intu purfect beeings of darknes. Did they even proofread these things when they were written?!

Trying to determine what the other two did. One just completely stumped her.

Ditzy: Not even a strategy guide could help her.

It seemed to require too much magic to work. The other one seemed to need magic from someone to activate it.

Trixie: (Eclipse) And where can I get a trained chimpanzee at this hour?

“Servant, come over here,” Eclipse said, even though the mind control broke during the transformation. Drain still did everything Eclipse told her to do.

“Yes, my queen,” Draintooth said as she flapped her new wings,

Ditzy: (Draintooth) You...you stupid head! (Giggles) I love being mean and bad!

Doctor: (Eclipse) Ugh, it is going to be an uphill battle with this one.

bringing her over to Eclipse in seconds. Eclipse activated her magic then, suddenly they were teleported to a castle.

Trixie: Right into Princess Celestia’s bedchamber.

This place is amazing, did master build this?

Ditzy: Twilight minored in architecture at magic school.

Drain thought as she examined the black stones that made up majority of the building.

Ditzy: Because evil is very uncreative with its color scheme.

Doctor: It must really stink being evil. You are stuck with only about 3 colors at most.

“I’ll have to check this place out later, another one of our friends seem to be entering the cave, and I would like to watch,” Right after Eclipse said this she opened a magic viewing portal to look at the cave.

As Rainbow entered the cavern, she was struck with awe.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) This looks like something out of a Daring Do novel!

The fire dancing in the torches were a wonderful site.

Trixie: They were doing the jitterbug.

There was a majestic sphere hanging in mid-air with indents along its surface. It was almost begging to be touched.

Ditzy: (Sphere) Please please please touch me! Pretty please with sugar on top!

Nothing bad will happen if I touch it. The pegasus thought as she moved towards it. When her hoof touched the sphere, it was like her entire body froze, she needed to heat up. As if to answer her call. Spikes shot out from the indents, some empailing Rainbow.

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Sniffling) I just wanted a blanket!

Then all she knew was heat. Her body crumpled into ash. Leaving her soul to burn. The ash reformed making new wings and armour. The rest was just a flame, kept in check by an invisible force.

Doctor: We call it Phil.

As Eclipse reappeared back in the cavern. She asked, “How are you?” The Elemental didn’t know, she hated being transformed without her consent, but at the same time. It just felt so good.

Doctor: Oh sure it seems great now, but then you start monologuing and sending enemies into needless death traps then it is all downhill from there.

No, she couldn’t think like that. But why not? The elemental was torn. On the border of light and dark. As her thoughts transformed, so did part of her body. Two eyes made of blue flame formed, she gained a helmet that had a mark of a burning rainbow.

Ditzy: As in a rainbow on fire? That’s just silly!

The element of loyalty was corrupted into the element of pride as she fell into darkness.

Trixie: Because it wouldn’t be as self destructive as the the Element of Disloyalty.

Ditzy: Element of Pride? That sound familiar somehow.

Trixie: Trixie has no idea what you’re talking about.

“I feel great my queen,” Replied the elemental. Rainbow Dash was Gone, now only Ashburn remained, and she was her to stay.

Ditzy: (Ashburn) Whatever else happens, I am... Ashburn. Whether you like it... or not.

Doctor: Ha.

Author's Note:

You get a to find out who is next if and only if you can guess the naming pattern pattern

Trixie: TSFSRDRPPAJ?

Ditzy: Oh! How about TSFSRDAJRPP?

(I will message you)

Trixie: (Author) And win an all expenses paid trip to Haywaii!

Chapter 4

“How do I get you to work?” Eclipse asked herself as she tinkered with the marks on the wall, trying different spells on them.

Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Trixie: Have you tried kicking it a few times?

“Do you need help my queen?” Ashburn asked as she used her new wings to blaze a trail over to her, leaving sparks in her wake.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Ow! Ow! Ow! Watch where you are flying!

Her pride could be useful. Eclipse thought as she looked over to her slave.

Trixie: (Ashburn)(Snorts) So much for the egghead. Move over and let somepony as awesome as me handle it.

“No, but how do you think we should go about improving Spike?” Eclipse asked to keep her busy.

Ditzy: His chiseled features aren’t handsome enough?

Trixie: (Blinks) What?

Doctor: Don’t mind her. She’s lost in her own little world.

“Dragons can breathe fire, so there must be a source.

Doctor: (Ashburn) Maybe there’s a nuclear reactor in his body!

If I can get to that, the rest should happen on its own,” Ash said, though she had no idea what she just talked about.

Ditzy: I know! They could shrink down and have an adventure in Spike’s body!

“That just might work. We'll have to try it later,” Eclipse said as one of the markings lit up. “Let’s go. One of the elements is nearing the cave."

Doctor: (Eclipse) Hmm. Looks like it’s going to rain and it will probably flood the cave.

“Yes my queen,” the vampire and elemental said as Eclipse teleported them out.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Now we can throw her a surprise ‘welcome to the darkness’ party!

Applejack thought she was a flame in the distance.

Ditzy: Ha! Got it!

Trixie: Dang it.

It doesn’t seem too big... she thought as she went out with a bucket of water to the Everfree forest.

Trixie: (Snorts) She’s trying to stop a forest fire with a bucket of water?

Ditzy: Come on, evil magic told her to do this… I guess.

As she walked towards the source of the light, her thoughts started to wonder.

Doctor: (Applejack) Ah wonder, how did the song Bohoovian Rhapsody go again? Is this the real life? Am I in a fantasy? No that can’t be right.

What caused the fire? Will Zecora be there? Will this one little bucket of water be enough?

Trixie: (Applejack) If only I knew a unicorn with a giant head that could move a lot of water around easily.

She was so deep in thought, she didn’t even notice when she went off the path towards the cavern.

Ditzy: And accidentally tumbled off a cliff. Ouch.

When she entered the cave, the torches petrified her. They screamed of her impending burning hell should she touch them.

Trixie: Touch a torch and you go to hell.

In the center of the room, the source of the 'fire' became clear.

Doctor: (Applejack) Oh! It was just a campfire. Silly me.

Applejack moved towards it slowly, not wanting any booby traps to spring on her. As she neared the center, she started to smell the smoke. It smelled amazing.

Trixie: (Applejack) Has somepony been vaping?

She didn’t notice she dropped the bucket. She didn’t notice she started drooling, either. All she could focus on was that delicious smell and what it's origin would taste like. When she finally made it to the source of the smoke, her body started to change.

Ditzy: What? How does that work? She wasn’t exposed to fire or fruit punch or whatever.

Trixie: The author is getting lazier with these transformations.

Claws started digging their way through her hooves her nose started to morph itself into a wolf’s. Her teeth grew and became sharpened. At first it was painful, then the farm pony’s ability to think started to desentigrate,

Doctor: Reality television and Nascar became her new favorite pastime.

making her only feel pleasure as her body morphed. As the smoked dissipated, so did Applejack's inner light. Her thoughts were consumed with darkness and feral emotion.

Doctor: So what do werewolves have to do with smoke and fire exactly?

“How are you, my lycan?” Eclipse asked as she teleported herself and her slaves back to the cavern.

Trixie: (Eclipse) No! Get off me! I’m your Queen! Bawurfhiuasvrvsaji!

Doctor: (Applejack) As sweet as granny’s apple pie!

“That’s a mighty good question,” The lycan said, not being able to come up with anything else. Then she felt a surge of darkness. Her body became twice as big.

Ditzy: Opps. That wasn’t suppose to happen.

Her face became a wolf's. A mark appeared on her hoof of a claw ripped out of a apple.

Ditzy: She has a Xenomorph cutie mark?

“Answer the question,” Ash said from the corner.

Doctor: (Applejack) I don’t know. A little gassy maybe?

Trixie: (Applejack) I could really go for a sprite right now.

“I feel great,” the lycan in question growled out. “If you allow me my queen, do you know how all of this, this greatness happened?”

“I think I can answer that,” a dark voice boomed as the king of darkness appeared in front of the monsters, with his trademark grin in tow.

Ditzy: Oh my gosh! It’s Ganondorf.

Trixie: Figures he would be behind this!

Author's Note:

I made some edits to the other chapters, manly just more description.

Doctor: (Author) Now I have three sentences of descriptions instead of one!

The next challage is to guess what king sombra

Ditzy: King Sombra? Oh come on! I was hoping for somepony cool.

Trixie: Trixie wants Ganondorf! Not some bland overdesigned evil unicorn.

to say. I will massage people the prize.

Doctor: My guess? Crystalssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Ditzy: Yeah, he’s kind of like a Pokemon like that.

Chapter 5

“Sombra!” Drain screamed as she got into attack position. Ashburn joined her as her flame burned bright.

“Relax, I am here to help,” Sombra said as he drifted around the room.

Ditzy: Would you stop that and stay still? It’s really distracting.

“What could you offer us?” Eclipse said with Venom.

“How about power?” Sombra replied. Eclipse’s eyes lit up at that.

Doctor: (Yawns) Is that all?

Trixie: Power for what?

“Go on,” Eclipse said.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I’m so pathetically weak in this form. I need your help to get stronger!

“You see, I used to be apart of my own kingdom of monsters. They had something you lack.

Trixie: They didn’t have stupid names?

Dark Magic.”

Trixie: Why are you speaking in bold?

Sombra said with a grin bigger than Pinkie Pie’s,

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) And here I thought this might actually say something original.

“it would be such a waste to see such power go to waste, after all, I am the one who set this whole thing up.”

Trixie: (Sombra) Xanatos eat your heart out!

“How did you survive the crystal empire?” Ash asked.

“I have my ways,” Sombra said smugly. “Now what about my offer?”

Doctor: (Eclipse) Not until you answer my question, mister.

“I accept, how do I gain your magic?” As Eclipse said this, Sombra laughed.

“Easy, You abzorb my very essence, it will kill me, but I think you want that. Here,”

Doctor: You’re sacrificing yourself for the greater evil? You expect me to believe that?

Ditzy: Yeah, being evil means you’re nothing but super selfish!

sombra teleportation a piece of paper and wrote down a spell on it. “This is how you do it.” Eclipse looked the spell over.

Trixie: (Eclipse)(Reading) You put your right foot in. Your right foot out. Right foot in. Then you shake it all about. And then you do the hokey pokey. Turn yourself around.

“Let’s begin,” Eclipse said lighting up her horn. Dark magic wasn’t pleasant to cast. It took a lot of negative emotion.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I know! I’ll think of the time Trixie came to Ponyville! That could power a hundred dark spells!

Trixie: Ha.

Not only that, but it did lead her to her worst fear.

Ditzy: Quesadillas!

As the spell continued. Sombra shrieked in pain. Dying in agony.

Trixie: (Sombra)(Gasping) Yep, totally worth it. Yep.

The spell went on. And soon the dark magic started to take it’s toll. Eclipses’ mind became less and less able of thinking of anything other than hate Clawdark felt it, too.

Ditzy: Who? Oh right, Applejack. You forgot to name her last chapter.

Doctor: Clawdark? These names are getting worse somehow.

Her mind being consumed by rage.

Trixie: Yes. Yes. Let the hate flow through you.

Drain seemed to be in pain. While Ash seemed to be craving something.

Ditzy: (Ash) I could really go for a taco right now.

The longer the spell went on. The more darkness sounded appealing. Who needs light, darkness is better. It gives so much more power.

Ditzy: It also makes you hit your knees on coffee tables.

Trixie: Trixie thought they were already in the dark. The chapters told us this in agonizing detail.

Ditzy: They are super dark now I guess.

Twilights scales began to drip darkness. Her mane turning oily black.

Ditzy: Ick.

Doctor: I think they have a shampoo for that.

As well as she grew in fangs of her own. Drain’s coat seemed to shrink, leaving her leathery skin open, not only that. but her tail became a bat’s tail,

Doctor: You mean small and thin like a mouse’s tail?

making it able to grab anything within reach,

Trixie: She was part monkey.

Ditzy: Since when do bats grab things with their tails?

Ash changed color from a burning red to a dark orange. Her armour started to gain visible cracks that darkness leaked out of.

Trixie: And...that’s a good thing?

Doctor: (Ashburn) Ha! Now my armor is easy to breach and barely protects me! Eat that, forces of good!

Clawdark’s fur seemed to change color, from orange to a dark brown. Her nose made itself like that of a wolf’s with a bit of pain.

Trixie: Wait. Trixie thought it was already like a wolf.

Ditzy: Now it's super wolfy!

There eye’s all changed. The whites of their eyes becoming green and with purple trails at the end of them. even Ash’s who were now on her lowering helmet.

Ditzy: Cool?

“Now, Who should we improve next?” Eclipse asked with her new, more snake like voice.

Doctor: Then why didn’t you say “Now, who sssssssshould we improve next?”

“Maybe Rarity?” growled Clawdark, as if words were still a new concept.

“Works for me,” approved Ashburn as her voice seemed to come from everywhere at once.

[b]“Sounds like fun!” Screamed Draintooth loudly.

Trixie: (Eclipse) Ah! Why are you yelling?!

Doctor: (Draintooth)(Screaming) I don’t know! This transformation seems to have made me unable to control the volume of my voice! Don’t worry about it though! I’m sure you’ll get used to it!

Ditzy: Why is everypony er monster speaking in a different color? And what does that even mean?

Doctor: Regular text is dull. Let’s brighten things up with colored text!

Ditzy: I thought this was suppose to be a super dark edgy fic?

“Very well,” Eclipse hissed as she activated her new, curled horn and one of the markings lit up. “While I’m overseeing that, Applejack, you should go improve your family.

Trixie: (Applejack) Ah thought my name was Clawdark….

Ditzy: Great, not even the characters can get all these new names straight.

[color=#7AAF26 “Welcome to the pack, Bite,”]Ash you should go improve Spike, oh and when you're done, burn down the library. Drain, you can go where you like.”

Ditzy: (Draintooth)(Yelling) Thank you. I was thinking of going to the bingo hall tonight. I hear they have some nice cash prizes. It will make it a lot easier to take care of my animals. If... if that is okay with you I mean.

“Yes my queen,” they all said in unison as they moved out.

Author's Note:

Who should be first (NOT next) AJ's family or Spike. Cast your vote. (next is Rarity)

Ditzy: Ha! Knew it!

Trixie: Yeah yeah.

Chapter 6

As the fastinheratanisha woke from her slumber, she thought:

Trixie: What the hay is a fastinheratanisha? Is that even a word?

Doctor: The author is like Shakespeare and is inventing his own words.

I am too nervous to sleep. I have to finish in order. isn’t it a nature peice, I should take a walk to get a inspiration. Then she left the safety of her house never to return.

Ditzy: Spoilers again! Come on!

Eclipse smiled as she slithered around her castle. Now all I need is Pinkie pie and all my friends will be perfect.

Doctor: Speaking of that, didn’t you say you were already perfect before you transformed into this new form? So does this make you doubly perfect now? Or does that mean the first form wasn’t actually perfect after all?

As Eclipse moved around she noticed a twinge of pain as she moved around.

Ditzy: Poor thing has a thorn stuck in her tail.

I wonder what that could be. She soon found out that it was one of the marks in the cave. It must be an alarm.

Trixie: Trixie loves the throbbing pain alarm. She should get one for her cart!

Eclipse then opened a viewing portal to watch the show.

Trixie: (Eclipse) Hey! Blues Clues is on! I love this show!

Rarity's walk took her to the Everfree. On her way in, there was a flash of dark green light in the distance.

Ditzy: A rave was going on.

As the dark light of the cavern drawn her into the cave.

Trixie: (Rarity) Ick. There are glowing spots everywhere! What the hay did ponies do in this place?

She was incaptivated by the mirror in the middle. The design on the ridges was so elegant. As Rarity moved closer, she started checking herself out.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Looking good!

The mirror made her even more beautiful. Her mane was in new style.

Trixie: An afro.

And her fur was a shining red. As Rarity moved closer to the mirror. Her sides started to ache. When her hoof touched the mirror it cracked at the same time as 4 hooves jetted out from side. It was okay though. It was the price to pay for being beautiful.

Doctor: 15 bits plus shipping and handling!

When her hoof touched the mirror. It shattered as Rarity screamed in pain. Her skin became a dark red. Extra eyes forced their way from her skull. Her tail fell off as a sack formed on her back. The more her body changed, the less painful the change became until it became a pleasurable experience.

“So, how do you feel?” Eclipse asked in the most innocent voice she could muster.

Trixie: (Rarity) Not so great. My acid reflux is acting up again.

“I feel…” The Arachne couldn’t finish her sentence. She was hideous. Or was she. The more she thought about it. The more beautiful she felt. “Beautiful.”

Doctor: See, you're only as beautiful as you think you are!

With that, Rarity was no more. Her jaw opened up and became four separate parts.

Ditzy: You are one ugly motherbucker!

She also gained eyes of shadow. Her element twisted into the element of Vanity. Archnea was born.

Trixie: (Archnea) I would love to go out and convert ponies darling, but it’s muddy out and I just got a manicure!

“Wonderful, now go tell Claw to convert all of the farmers and Ash to improve the weather team and Scootaloo,” as Eclipse said this.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) I am singling out Scootaloo because obviously that tiny child is a big threat to my plan!

Liquid shadow rushed out of her scales leaving a dark trail wherever she went.

Doctor: (Archnea) Who? Sorry darling, but I have no idea who you are talking about.

“As for me, I am going to take a trip.”

Trixie: (Eclipse) To Disneyland.

“Yes me queen,” Archnea said as she went off.

Ditzy: (Archnea) Hey look, a mirror! I think I will stay here instead of wasting my time with that boring old mission.

When she was gone Eclipse laughed and teleported to canterlot.

Author's Note:

That's it for tonight, cast your votes, Aj's family or Spike.

Chapter 7

I need to find Applejack. Big Mac thought as he ran through the orchard. As he searched for his sister. He heard one of the trees being bucked. AJ must have gotten’ an early start to the day. As he approached where the noise came from he felt a sharp pain in his leg. When he turned around his eyes widened in horror at the thing biting at her leg.

Ditzy: And Clawdark’s eyes widened when Big Mac bucked her in the face!

That was too easy.

Trixie: (Clawdark) It’s like the author set the difficulty to ‘little baby mode’.

Claw thought as her jaw let go of her brother. Claw barely kept in her laughter as her brother changed into a lycan.

Ditzy: Lycan transformations are always a barrel of laughs!

Big Mac howled in pain as claws digged their though his hooves. His snout and face became wolfish and his fur became grey. Big Mac’s thoughts were consumed by nothing but feral emotion as his memories were erased. Leaving only the very basics of his personality intact as well as a new undying obedience to the alpha.

Trixie: (Alpha) Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! Zordon, why am I the one leading a pack of werewolves?!

There was a sharp pain in Claw’s ears as they became even more wolf like.

Doctor: Is there any point to these transformation? I thought they were already powerful creatures of darkness.

Ditzy: Ugh, all these transformations and new names are really getting hard to keep track of!

Her breath now left everything it touched forever covered in darkness.

Trixie: And how is she suppose to see where she is going now if her breath constantly blocks her view?

Her mind also changed, transforming into a harsher pony as well as basic pack mentality.

Doctor: It also made her chase after squirrels, sticks, and mailponies.

“Welcome to the pack, Bite,” Claw said, thinking that it was her right as alpha to choose the name.

Doctor: That isn’t even trying.

“Thank you, alpha. Now what are your orders,” Bite said without any hesitation. His transformation was complete with a mark appearing of a bite out of an apple.

Doctor: Bite later used it as the basis of a logo for the new brand of computer he was making.

“Go to the Everfree and wait for more of the pack,” Claw growled out. Making it impossible to understand if you were not a monster.

Ditzy: Great, that might make getting something at a Drive-thru even more difficult!

After he ran off. Claw turned around and said: “Now, I assume you have something to say.”

“I am serving as the queen’s messenger, she wants you to improve every farmer in ponyville,” Archnea said as she crawled out of a tree.

Trixie: (Clawdark) Thanks for wasting my time. I was already under the impression I should do that.

“I can do that, just got to finish convertin’ ma family,” Claw said as she waited for Archnea to leave. When she finally left. Clawdark laughed.

Trixie: (Clawdark) Her face looks like an old mare’s vag!

Claw was careful to not wake Applebloom as she moved to bite her. Until she got frustrated and nearly bit off her hoof. The youngest of the Apples screamed in pain as her body transformed.

Ditzy: This is just low. You didn’t need to show this!

Trixie: (Twists her face in disgust)

Doctor: (Shakes head)

Her hooves ripped open as claws came out. Her entire body transformed to fit her new animalistic instincts. Her nose and ears became sharper and her fur became grey. The memories of Applebloom were drowned out by the new feral instincts.

Ditzy: And yet, did not curb her drive to find her cutie mark!

Clawdark felt a wave of power wash over her. Her teeth grew and became a sickly yellow. Her fur grew and her main fell off.

Doctor: (Sighs) Didn’t you just transform earlier in the chapter?

She was uncontrollable drooling as her mind gained the ability to think more

Ditzy: She made a big mess on the floor! But she’s evil, so I guess she doesn’t care about things like that.

“Welcome to the pack, Snarl,” Claw said with a snarl of her own.

Doctor: It seems this newfound intelligence did not improve her naming skills.

“Thank you Alpha, do you want me to join Bite?” Snarl asked as the last bit of pony was destroyed.

Ditzy: Um, how does she know who Bite is? She just transformed.

Trixie: So why doesn’t Snarl get to talk in bold? Trixie would think it would him of all pon-monsters.

Her fur changed color to grey and grew to twice the normal length. Claw nodded and Snarl ran off.

Ditzy: (Snarl) Maybe I could get my cutie mark in frisbee catching!

Doctor: (Clawdark) Ugh.

Author's Note:

Over the next couple hours I will be making my other chapters longer.

Ditzy: This is the HD special edition version of Kingdom of Monsters!

So if you see the word edited by the chapter name, that means that it has been edited. Also, if you want to be my editor then message me.

Chapter 8

This is bad, this is very very bad! Luna thought as she moved to the far side of her room. She needed to find that chess board. It was the only way to solve this.

Doctor: Oh so THAT’S how you beat possessions: chess! Who would’a thunk it?

At least it could stall until Celestia woke up.

Ditzy: The princess needs her beauty sleep! Waking her up now would just be rude!

She’s coming!The night princess thought as she set up the chess board. She spent the next five minutes trying to calm herself down. She almost succeeded until Eclipse teleported in.

Doctor: The princess was very particularly about how she treats guests. Oh, and the fact she’s an evil snake monstrosity I guess.

“How are you doing, Luna?” Eclipse said casually as she sat down opposite of Luna.

Trixie: Nice puke-green text. It fills Trixie with terror just by looking at it.

“Fine, I assume you know how this chess game will work,” Luna said in the best monotone she could muster.

Trixie: (Luna) Don’t sound like you’re going to pee yourself, don’t sound like you’re going to pee yourself.

Ditzy: (Eclipse) Of course! I will jump all your pieces in minutes!

“It makes sure that the bet that is made over it must come true, as long as it is possible, right?” Eclipse stated as her scales curled around the chair. Luna nodded.

Trixie: So Trixie couldn’t use it to make this better story then?

“How about this, if you win I submit to you, if you will stop your conversation effort entirely,” Luna probused.

Trixie: (Luna) This green text is hurting my ears.

Doctor: I don’t blame her. Eclipse is a terrible conversationalist. It’s always darkness this and darkness that. Blah blah blah….

Ditzy: It’s like talking to Ansem.

“Works for me, now then, lets begin!” The lamia said as the chess board glowed. The game had begun.

Doctor: Wait, so the only thing Luna gets if she wins is an ended conversation?

“You know, you could always join willingly,” Eclipse said as she moved her knight.

Doctor: I thought the deal was that you would shut that big fat gob of yours.

“Why would I do that?” Luna asked.

“Simple, everypony must die, right?” Luna nodded.

Ditzy: (Luna) Have thee forgotten I’m already immortal?

“Simple, everypony must die, right?” Luna nodded. “Well, to be blunt, monsters don’t die.”

Doctor: Really? Huh. It looks like I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time.

Trixie: They also have stupid edgy names and shop at Hot Topic. Death doesn’t seem so bad.

Luna gasped, they were immortal. How is that possible?

Ditzy: I don’t know. Nothing about them makes any sense.

It didn’t matter they were still converting ponies against their will. They were still evil. Or are they? “All you have to do is forfeit. Then you will never be alone.”

Trixie: All you need to do is give up your individuality and everything that makes you who you are!

Eclipse said to Luna with a smirk. Luna kept playing, but it was clear that Eclipse had already won. That broke Luna’s resolve for good.

Ditzy: Shinji Ikari has more grit than this princess.

As Eclipse finally checkmated the lunar princesses, she looked as if this is what she wanted and Eclipse’s scales were already around her.

Doctor: (Flat) What an upset.

Trixie: (Flat) This is the most shocking twist Trixie has ever seen.

“Now then, time to welcome you to the kingdom,” after she said this she let the darkness that was flowing out of her to touch Luna. Making her buckle and shake. Her legs turned into a shenake’s tail. Her fur turned into scales and both became a green shade. Luna was drowned out in the power she now felt. Her memories replaced with the need to serve her new queen.

Doctor: Hmmm. I think that Luna might be right about them not truly being evil.

Eclipse Serpent felt amazing as power washed over her.

Ditzy: She started reenacting a Herbal Essences commercial.

Her eyes became cat like slits. Her mane turned into miniature snakes with glowing green eyes.

Ditzy: Sure that sounds cool, but now she has to feed every single one!

Then the darkness came. Her thoughts were now full of hate and spite. Her love of learning and knowledge replaced

Trixie: Now she burned books for fun!

with a hate for ponykind and anything that was not devoted to her and her alone along with the ability to hide it.

Doctor: It made her a very interesting and deep character.

Ditzy: Um, wasn’t she already like that?

As she let go of the new lamia, she said, “Welcome to the darkness, Slit.”

All: (Laugh)

Eclipse picked the name just to show that she was in charge.

Ditzy: (Coughs) You might want to give her a less suggestive name.

Trixie: (Eclipse) When I improve Celestia, I think I’m going to call her Prick!

“Thank you for the welcome,” Slit said as the last drop of disobedience was drained from her mind. Her cutie mark reappeared as a snake biting the moon.

Ditzy: (Snake) What is this?! I thought the moon was suppose to be made of cheese! Thanks Yahoo Answers!

Her tongue became forked and she gained a lisp as Equestra lost one of it’s princess to the darkness once again.

Ditzy: Except this time it was a thousand times more lame.

Author's Note:

So, what do you guys think of this chapter?

Trixie: It was… special.

Doctor: You had a chess game and refused to show any of it.

Chapter 9

Ashburn tried her best to not burn down to the ground. After she creeped up on Spike, who was still sleeping,

Doctor: Goofy sneaking music was playing in the background.

Ditzy: Oh no! Ashburn accidently burned Spike’s comic books! Now she has to find new ones so Spike doesn’t realize he lost them!

she felt the fire inside him. This is going to fun! She thought as she corrupted the flame inside, Spike transforming him.

Trixie: It’s just that easy.

Spike awoke with a pain in his throat.

Doctor: This fic is brought to you by Ricola. Natural herbs guaranteed to soothe any sore throat.

All: Ricola!

He tried to speak, but all he could do was breathe fire that charred the floor.

Ditzy: Great. That’s going to take forever to get out!

The ashes suddenly moved and dug into his skales changing their color to a dark blue. Spike could not control the inferno that was coming out of his mouth. The black flame utterly destroyed the library

Ditzy: (Sniffs) Never forget...

and as more and more ashes found their way into the dragon. The more the darkness took hold. Light what a evil thing.

Ditzy: Yeah! Light was cool until Corona came along!

Spike thought as he grew to three times his previous size.

Trixie: (Snorts) Really? How scary!

Doctor: That would make him roughly the size of Big Mac.

His eyes became like his queens and his spine became the color of her scales.

“How do you feel, my prince?” Ashburn asked, amazed at her new leader.

Trixie: Wait what? Why is he the leader?

Ditzy: He’s only a few seconds old, maybe there are some tests and training he should take before taking on this role?

“Fine, slave," The shadow dragon said as he examined his claws. Which were now made out of pure darkness turned solid

Trixie: (Spike) How the hay did my claws get so dirty? I was just born a second ago!

“I would hope so, Shade,” the queen said as she teleported in. Ash bowed.

“So, what should we do now, Eclipse?” After Shade said this, Ash gasped He called master by her name!

Ditzy: (Ashburn) Why can’t Eclipse-senpai notice me too?

“You should go to the outlands and convert there. I will be overseeing ponyville,” Eclipse said, then she added: “oh, and Ash, you go convert the weather team, along with Scootaloo.”

Doctor: (Eclipse) Everything would be ruined if she was running around!

Ash bowed as she flew off. Shade’s deparchter wasn’t far off from that. When they were both gone, Eclipse laughed like a mad mare.

Doctor: And now she’s laughing maniacally. How long until she starts putting people in death traps and unnecessarily monologues her plan?

Author's Note:

look for mistakes

Trixie: Are you really sure you want an answer to that?

Ditzy: You didn’t capitalize that sentence for one.