SUPER SIRENS!!

by Eyeswirl the Weirded

Rating: teen
Tags: Dazzlings, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Random
Length: 8280

Showdown between the Rainbooms and the Dazzlings! And then some other crud.

The seven who stopped Adagio, Aria, and Sonata at the Battle of the Bands are called out for another round. The gems are still broken, but Sonata seems to think they have an ace up their sleeve.

And some other stuff happens. Stuff that has little or nothing to do with the first chapter.

Published 2015-03-02 18:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-27 14:30:41 UTC

Punch the Sky

High Noon.

In front of the school stood the group known as the Rainbooms, along with Princess Twilight Sparkle. They stood opposite from the reason for their gathering; the Dazzlings, who had left Sunset Shimmer a note instructing her to meet them here with everything they had. And so they stood, instruments primed and ready to rock. Literally!

However, the trio that had lost their singing voices seemed somewhat less inclined to do battle, specifically Aria and Adagio, who looked quizzically at Sonata, who bore a fiendish grin.

"Alright," began Adagio, "we're here, they're here, we're powerless, they're not, mind letting us know what this is all about?"

"Just so we're clear," announced Aria to the Rainbooms, "this was Sonata's idea."

Twilight nodded once. "Don't worry, I don't think there'll be any real conflict here."

"No," cried out Sonata, striking a dramatic pose as she pointed at Twilight, her mouth movement not matching her words, "you are wrong, for today victory and glory shall go to us, whom you have faced only once before!"

The seven standing across from the three had various reactions from perplexed stares to amused chortles.

"You laugh now," Sonata went on in the same manner, standing on one foot and extending her arms to the sky, "but just you wait, for now, you will face us at our full power!"

And with that, she adapted a fighting pose, legs apart, fists clenched, and started screaming at the top of her lungs, veins standing up on her forehead.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Now all of the Rainbooms were confused.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

As were the other two Dazzlings, who smiled sheepishly. Adagio grabbed hold of Sonata's shoulder while facing those across from her, trying not to let her embarrassment show. "Haha, one second please?" She turned to the screaming siren. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"That doesn't answer the question."

Aria facepalmed. "Wait, I think I get what this is about."

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Do tell?"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Yes, please," suggested Twilight, not sure how much longer they could all put up with the noise.

Aria shrugged a bit. "Well, let me talk to her. Sonata?"

She hadn't dropped the combat pose. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

Aria kept her voice calm and patient. "Look, I get how you feel, but our power is gone and nothing is going to bring it back."

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

She sighed. "C'mon, don't make me do the doting mom thing with you," she thumbed over her shoulder to Adagio, "that's her shtick."

Adagio flushed crimson as she looked back and forth between her companions and the Rainbooms, some of whom were giving her funny looks. "I-it's a lie! She's making it up!!"

From the looks on their faces, they weren't buying it.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Aria ignored this, instead patting a still-screaming Sonata on the shoulder. "I know it's hard, but we're never gonna be what we were again, and it's time to let go of-" In that instant, Aria noticed little rocks floating off the ground, Sonata's eyes burning with energy, and her hair turning bright yellow. She stepped back.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Leaping into the air, Sonata landed with two ponytails, shining like gold, twice as thick, and long enough to brush against the ground, a fierce aura burning all around her. "SUUUPER SIREEEEEEN!!"

Aria and Adagio stared in numb disbelief.

The Rainbooms, however, took formation, Twilight extending an arm skywards!

"Rainbooms, assemble!" She began to glow with violet light, her clothes transforming into a tight, shiny, purple jumpsuit decorated with rainbow lines and a helmet with a black visor. "Purple Rainboom!"

Sunset Shimmer followed her example, glowing red and magically donning a similar outfit. "Red Rainboom!"

She was followed by Rainbow. "Blue Rainboom!"

Then Fluttershy. "Yellow Rainboom!"

Then Applejack. "Orange Rainboom!"

Then Rarity. "White Rainboom!"

And Pinkie. "Pink Rainboom!"

When all had transformed and struck combat poses not unlike Sonata's, (Aria and Adagio were still staring at the spectacle in shock) the battle began, Sonata leaping off the ground to perform a flying jump-kick at Purple Rainboom, deflected by a similar kick from Orange Rainboom, backed up by a flying pincer attack by Yellow and White Rainbooms, but Sonata spun in the air to deliver swift, powerful kicks to each, sending them hurtling backward.

Sonata grinned maliciously, still doing the wrong-mouth-movement thing. "Today you fall, Rainbooms, for you cannot match our power!!"

"Wrong," cried Blue Rainboom, who had been standing back to charge up a ball of blue energy, "the strength of our friendship will overtake you!" And she released it, sending a massive bolt of blue lightning at the blue siren, but Sonata fell backwards, performing a hand-spring and kicking the blast away before it could damage her.

"SONATA!!" shouted Adagio, more or less snapping out of her daze, "You stop kicking lightning right this instant! You'll sprain something!"

"Toldja you mothered her."

"Ohh, shut up." She glanced at Aria appraisingly, speaking in gentle tones despite the violence unfolding before them. "Though come to think of it, are you doing alright? Are you getting enough to eat?"

"You need help."

Red Rainboom performed a series of low sweep-kicks to knock Sonata off her feet in tandem with Pink Rainboom kicking high to intercept her when she jumped, but Sonata was faster than both of them, back-flipping to dodge the lightning-quick strikes before grabbing hold of each Rainboom's leg, slamming them into eachother, and throwing them at their squad mates.

"Damn," cursed Purple Rainboom, "she's too powerful, summon the Mega-corn!"

The others gathered to her, touching their wrists together in a cone. "Friendship! Is! Magic!"

A blinding, rainbow light emitted from the seven standing together, forming a massive, crystal alicorn mech.

"Purple Rainboom, go!"

"Red Rainboom, go!"

"Blue Rainboom, go!"

"Yellow Rainboom, go!"

"Orange Rainboom, go!"

"White Rainboom go!"

"Pink Rainboom go!"

The Mega-corn drew a massive, glowing laser-sword from the horn on it's head, striking a pose.

Sonata's eyes narrowed. "So, it has come to this!!" She spent a few seconds to make more poses before cartwheeling over to Aria. "I cannot fight the battle alone!" A few more poses. "I need your help!" She put a hand on Aria's chest. "THE POWER IS YOURS!!"

"Quit feeling me up, you little-" Aria stopped, feeling a surge of energy in her chest, radiating throughout her body. Once more, tiny rocks floated off the ground, whether they were there before or not, Aria beginning to glow with Sonata's same powerful aura.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

There was a flash of golden light, Aria touching down with bright yellow hair in four long ponytails! She beamed, both with delight and with a big, honking laser-blast from her palms, directed at the Mega-corn. It shielded itself in the Wings of Friendship, retaliating with the Alicorn's Horn to scorch the ground where Aria and Sonata stood, but the two of them had already leapt upwards, performing flying kicks like the one Sonata had opened the battle with.

Adagio was off to the side, having an aneurysm. "What the fu-" No, I shouldn't use that kind of language around the girls.

The Mega-corn deflected their fast, stone-shattering blows from all sides, but couldn't land a hit on either of the two Super Sirens. The battle was a stand-still. The action slowed down as both sides realized there would be no decisive end this way, Aria and Sonata both stopping by Adagio, reaching for her chest, and shouting together.

"THE POWER IS YOURS!!"

Each put a hand on a different breast, Adagio's jaw dropping. She was just about to scold them for this when she felt a surge of energy more potent than when they were on stage at the Battle of the Bands. Glancing backward, she saw her hair turning yellow. "W-wait!! Stop, you idio-"

*POMF!!*

None lived.

THE END!

Author's Note

It always comes back to Adagio's hair, doesn't it? Never Sonata's goofy sneaker-boots or Aria's tight pants, usually Adagio's hair.

Roll Credits

As the credits to the film that just ended rolled by, all ten of them, students and staff alike sat giggling and chatting amongst eachother in the auditorium where it had been shown. Most agreed that it was perhaps the silliest, stupidest entry to CHS's indie film festival, though an entry by three freshmen doing a flag routine while dressed like glam rockers certainly turned a few heads.

"Well," the ten-girl group overheard from a few sources around them, "I guess those siren girls really have turned things around."

"Yea, don't think they'd play along with that... whatever that was if they hadn't calmed down."

"Does anyone even remember what they did before?"

"No. We sure are easily influenced by flashy lights and shiny objects!"

"Yup, who pays any attention to long, heart-felt, honest attempts at redemption anywa-OW!"

Sunset, who had muttered the last few lines to herself via hand-puppet, turned to Twilight, who had just elbowed her. "What? You've gotta admit, the difference between how fast they were accepted and how fast I was accepted is kinda unfair!"

Twilight nodded a bit. "Maybe, but there's no sense in holding a grudge against them. Besides, would you really rather we left them to their own devices after Aria and Rainbow started hanging out?"

With some of the things, very dangerous, very illegal, utterly insane things they'd overheard the Dazzlings talking about doing, no, she really didn't. Sunset shook her head, sighing. "I guess not."

Twilight smiled at her. "Inviting the three of them to come make a movie with us was probably the best thing we could have done for them. Just look how happy they are!" She gestured to the trio, not far from them.

Adagio sat with her arms crossed. "I act nothing like that."

"Ugh," Aria complained through a mouthful of popcorn, "knew I'd look like a big, yellow squid-thing."

Adagio scowled. "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

Applejack tilted her hat down to hide a blush. "Least y'all didn't have to wear the outfits. Ain't never worn somethin' so tight an' shiny in all mah life."

Rarity facepalmed, turning rosy herself. "I was working on a tight budget and a short deadline, darling, definitely not my best work."

Fluttershy was probably still around here somewhere, but very much staying out of sight.

Rainbow chuckled. "Aww, they weren't that bad. I don't know how long they'd hold up in a real brawl, but they looked cool enough."

Pinkie frowned a little. "I still say we should have done it shirtless, then it'd have been like a real kung-fu movie!"

She was silenced by several simultaneous 'NO's.

Sonata smiled. "I just love doing stuff with you guys!"

Author's Note

Not a dream all along, but not 'real' either. Also not a chocolate bar. Or a sandwich. I'm hungry.

She Really Should Make Some Brownies.

Something weird was going on at CHS.

Well, that is to say, something weird was going on at CHS that Adagio couldn't safely ignore. Every time she talked to people, something would get her attention, she'd turn away from them, and when she looked back, they were gone.

So annoying!

At first, she had assumed they were ding-dong-ditching her without a doorbell (or a door) somehow, but nobody could run away that fast in complete silence. Just poof, gone. Soon, she was walking through the school with not another soul in sight, not a sound but that of her own heels against the floor tiles. And then shouting.

"ARIA! SONATA! ASSEMBLE!"

Stepping around a corner a second later, Aria was giving her a deadpan look. "'Assemble'? Seriously? I can't believe you just quoted that stupid movie we made."

Sonata joined them from a different hallway. "I've been trying to get a sequel in the works, but no luck so far. Can you believe nobody is on board for Naked Ninja Space Sirens Vs. The Great Chocolate Octopus?"

"Yes," answered Adagio, "and more importantly, where is everyone?"

Crossing her arms, Aria scoffed. "Hello? We're right here."

"Everyone else, you dope."

Sonata scowled. "Dope? Dope?!" She pointed an accusing finger at Aria. "You musclin' in on my turf, suckah?!"

As ever, Aria's delivery was a calm deadpan. "No."

Possibly not having heard that response, Sonata took up a fighting stance, hopping back and forth as she boxed the air a few times. "Ohhh, you wanna fight for the title, huh? You wanna fight the champ, chump?!"

"No."

"You wanna be daddy?! You wanna wear the daddy-pants, huh?!"

"No."

Adagio closed her eyes, pulling at her own hair. "Urrrgh, shut up, both of you!"

Silence.

While it was nice when people listened to her, Adagio had a bad feeling. She slowly opened her eyes to see no signs of her cohorts. It had happened again, and this time was the last straw. She shouted to the ceiling of the library. "Alright, that's it, whoever's doing this, come out so I can make you disappear!"

A deep, bellowing voice sounded from somewhere nearby.

"Ohh, I don't think you will."

Glancing around, Adagio tried to imagine how she'd use one of the nearby books as weapons. You could bitch-slap someone to death with The Grapes of Wrath, right? "Who are you? Show yourself!"

The speaker chuckled ominously. "I am the one you are destined to be with; the one who will be with you for the rest of your life..."

"A name would be nice. No, more importantly, are you the one making everyone vanish?"

It laughed again. "I am! None but I must be allowed to lay eyes on you, and none but I must be allowed to bask in your presence."

The sentiment would be flattering if Adagio weren't furious about Aria and Sonata being disappear'd. "I will be the one to decide that, now bring everyone back this instant!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Adagio."

Part of her dreaded asking. "And why not?"

"I ate them."

"..."

"I said I ate-"

"Shut up, I heard you the first time!!" She shook her head in disbelief. "You killed and ate everyone?! Why?! How?!"

"It is simple, my dear. I did it so we could be together. I did it because I love you."

Adagio scoffed. "Everyone loves me, what makes you so special?" Granted, it rarely seemed to be for anything other than certain details of her anatomy with most people, but love was love and she wasn't too picky these days.

"But I love you more, I love you THE MOST. Do you love m-"

"No."

"...I-"

"No."

"But-"

Adagio stomped impatiently. "Just show yourself already!!"

The voice chuckled. "Very well... my love. Turn around."

Nabbing the nearest book from the nearest bookshelf, Adagio spun around and threw it with full force, impacting... nothing. Nothing but a chair that wasn't hurting anyone (because they were all disappear'd), several feet away.

"Now I'm behind you again."

She shot a leg directly backward, hoping to strike true with the spikes of her heel, but didn't feel an impact.

"Give up?"

"Come out so I can murder you!!"

"I think you'll find that difficult, Adagio, for in a sense, I am already dead."

"Then this little relationship was doomed from the start; I'm not a necrophilliac."

"Dead cells."

"Wha-? That doesn't-..."

She made a few unlikely connections. People disappeared when standing behind her. The killer was behind her at all times. It claimed not to be alive.

"...You're my hair?"

"Yes," answered Hair, "do you love me now, Adagio? I love you so much..."

Shoulders slumping in tired irritation, Adagio couldn't even bring herself to facepalm. "You murdered and ate everyone so that I would love you? That made sense in your planning phase?"

"Now there is only the two of us!"

"I prefer to be adored by many, you imbecile, not even accounting for my dead friends."

"I am hundreds of thousands of hairs! I AM many!"

"But still only one voice. And an ugly one at that!"

"Woah, hey, this coming from-"

"My voice healed a week after, thank you very much."

"..." Hair opted to try a different strategy. "Please, I just want to hold you..."

"You already hang against my body every minute of every day."

Hair had not considered this. "...We will ALWAYS be together!"

"Of course we will, you're attatched to my head, you idiot!"

Hair was silent for a moment. "No one can be allowed to get closer to you than me!"

"That's already guarenteed, you're literally growing out of my skin!"

"Please love me, Adagio, I love you so..."

Adagio angrily crossed her arms, refusing to look Hair in the non-existent eyes. "And all the time I spend brushing and washing you means nothing from my end? Thanks a lot."

Hair sounded nervous. "N-no, wait, I didn't mean it like-"

"Hmph. If you expect a relationship out of a lady like me, you're going to have to put a lot more thought into your-"

Aria, wearing an eight-foot stack of pancakes on her head, danced a jig just slightly to Adagio's side. "Ohh, just kiss already."

Raising an eyebrow, Adagio gave her a skeptical look. "Weren't you eaten by Hair a short time ago?"

Aria shrugged, which made her shoulders turn into bicycle helmets. "I'unno. You've been talking to your own hair the last few minutes, have you really not figured out that this is a dream by now?"

Adagio scowled, pointing at Aria with an oven-mit-clad hand. "Watch your tone, young lady. Just because I'm asleep, doesn't mean I won't take you over my knee! Or exercise the right to berate my own hair!"

Rolling her eyes, Aria hackey-sacked the pancake stack straight up into the spinning sky. "Pfft, what, with those padded gloves? I'm shakin'."

"No," replied Adagio as she pulled a spiked flail from her frilly, white apron, "with this!"

Her eyes growing to the size of dinner plates, Aria stopped her jig, hands protectively over her posterior as her mouth turned into a zip-lock bag.

"Aha," cried a giant bee with Sonata's face for a head, flying in from above, "see, Dagi? You DO think of yourself as our mother!"

"Lies!!" She glanced at the bowl on the tabletop behind her. "Now help me stir these coconuts and I'll let you lick the frying pan."

"Okay!"

And then Adagio woke up, lying in her bed and staring up at the ceiling in silence as she tried to remember when the last time she made brownies was.

Under the covers to her left, Sonata stirred, her eyes slowly opening. "Mrr... Mornin', Dagi. You sleep okay?"

Adagio lightly tussled her hair. "I should be asking you that. No more nightmares?"

"Nope!"

The fluffiest siren nodded, turning to her right. "And how about you?"

Sitting up and stretching, Aria dozily nodded. "Yea, yea, I'm okay now."

Shaking her head, Adagio huffed. "I keep telling you two not to binge on horror flicks, green soda, and cinnamin sticks before-well, ever, actually."

"Sure," Aria snorted, "thanks mom."

"And quit calling me that!!"

Sonata giggled. "Sure thing, mummy!" Her smile vanished as Adagio leaned in close, her eyes narrowed and her voice a low growl.

"...Don't make me get the flail."

Author's Note

I think I'm just gonna use this "story" for all my most absurd, most ridiculous, most utterly bananas ideas involving the EQG world. The ones short enough to fit into one or two chapters, anyway. Stupid will ensue. It is now safe to lock up your stuffed animals.

I'm leaving it marked 'complete' because I don't know if I'll ever actually update this again. Got another one in mind already, but part of me hopes I'll never get around to it and finish one of my more coherent stories instead.

At Least The First Part Wasn't 'Fish'

"Hey Tacos, pass me the remote."

"Sure, I... What?"

Aria and Sonata sat on the couch, with the latter scratching her head in confusion.

"Did... Did you just call me 'Tacos'?"

"That's what I said, Tacos. Remote me!"

"My name is Sonata."

"No it isn't."

The ambiguously-named blue girl blinked very slowly. "Yes. Yes, it is."

"Not anymore." She didn't want to move from her comfy, couch-slouchy position, but ~~Sonata~~ Tacos' lack of passing the darn remote meant she at least had to tilt her head enough to look at her. "Look, you may not like it, but trust me when I say it totally checks out."

"...What."

"See, that cross-eyed girl at school, the one everybody calls 'Derpy' or 'Ditzy' or 'Bright Eyes' or something? Apparently, her real name is Muffins."

"And?"

"And now your name is Tacos." Aria smiled. "Enjoy that, you've earned it!"

"MY NAME IS SONATA!!"

"Tacos."

"SONATA!"

"Tacos."

"SONATA!"

"Tacos."

"SONATA!"

"Tacos."

"SONA-ow!" Rubbing the back of her freshly-thwapped head, Sonata turned to see an annoyed Adagio.

"You're Sonata, you dolt, the purple one's name is Aria."

Beaming, Sonata turned back to her tormentor. "Ha! See? My name is Sonata."

Aria shrugged. "Check your birth certificate. Totally checks out."

"Wha-?! We don't have birth certifica-"

"Right here," said Adagio as she pulled a very official-looking legal paper from within her hair, "I had them made when we arrived in this world, and it says right here that your name is-...Huh."

Sonata(?) paled. "D...D-Dagi...?"

"Well," she said with a sheepish smile, "there may have been some kind of mix-up, because it says your name is-" The paper was snatched out of her hand, leaving her to stand idly as the blue girl frantically looked over it.

Her face lighting up with glee, the ditziest Dazzling confirmed that right there on the paper, her name was Sonata-...

Tacos.

Sonata Tacos. That was her name.

Turning her head, Sonata Tacos looked at Adagio in cold horror. "...'Tacos'?"

Adagio smiled. "So in a way, you're both right! Isn't that nice?"

Sonata Tacos sank to her knees and screamed at the sky.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

And then she fell over, foaming at the mouth as she went unconscious.

That done, Aria again mustered the energy to move her head a little. "So, like, why're you wearing an apron?"

Adagio crossed her arms. "Because my front is cold and the rest of me is not." She glanced down at Sonata. "Anyway, was this the full extent of your little prank?"

Aria giggled. "Yep! Thanks for forging that paper."

An expectant eyebrow was raised. "Aaand...?"

Sighing, Aria reluctantly remembered her end of the bargain. "And I'll start cleaning my room sometimes."

Smiling, Adagio nodded once. "The flail is in the broom closet."

Author's Note

Written just now. They should have told Sonata her first name was 'Gullible.'

This Might Relate to Newton's Third Law Somehow

Walking into the living room with a spring in her step, Aria stopped between Sonata and the TV, hands on her hips and a proud smile on her face.

"Guess who just ate an entire box of fried chocolates by herself?"

Sonata raised an eyebrow. "With or without whipped cream?"

"Huh?"

"With, or, without, whipped, cream, question, mark. This is important."

Too pleased with her accomplishment to hear Sonata's nonsense today, Aria rolled her eyes. When Adagio walked in, Aria smiled again. "Hey, guess who just ate an entire box of fried chocolates by herself?"

Adagio raised an eyebrow. "With or without whipped cream? This is important."

Glancing back and forth between the other two sirens as Sonata stood up to stand next to Adagio, Aria shook her head in disbelief. "You know, with Adagio being so smart and Sonata being so stupid, it's weird how similar you guys are sometimes."

The two shared a look with similarly-colored eyes, then shrugged as they looked back at Aria and answered in unison.

"Well, yea, we're kinda the same person."

Her eyes wide, Aria blinked very, very slowly. "...Wat."

"Well, you see my dear Aria," began Sonata in a vaguely posh tone, "when Adagio was born, there simply wasn't room in her head for all those evil schemes, slasher smiles, her emotions, and all that hair, so compromises had to be made."

"So my head like, totally split and junk," continued Adagio with a big, dopey grin, "Sonata was cast off as the embodiment of my emotions to make room for all'a this fluff!" She demonstrated by holding up her massive, fluffy-wuffy tufts of wuffy-fluff.

Aria held very, very still. "...No."

"It's true," they said as one, "you can even tell because blue and orange are opposite colors! See?" Each of them reached out, grabbed the other by their hair, and mashed their heads together, their heads conjoining in an instant to form a freakish, inhuman blob-thing with two bodies, what used to be their faces now a melty mess of eyes, mouths, noses, and their collective hair.

"Shee, ARRRya," the monster slurred with twin tongues as it stepped closer, "Urrm tha shhmmme paarrsonnn!"

Aria woke up screaming.

Frantically looking around, she was in her bedroom, and thankfully in her bed, when she caught sight of a worried Adagio in an apron and nightcap. It was difficult to tell from this angle if she was wearing anything else.

"Aria? What's wrong? Did you watch one of those Miyazaki movies again?"

"N-no," she lied through her teeth, "just... ate too many fried chocolate bars again."

Adagio sighed, shaking her head in spite of the amused grin on her face as she stepped closer. "Just one of those is too many, I think." Resting a knee on the bed, she leaned in to wrap Aria in a hug, staying that way until the shaking stopped. Aria quietly thanked her, rolled over, and tried to get back to sleep as Adagio walked out. Barely two steps down the hallway, she saw Sonata in her usual pink nightie.

"What was it," Sonata asked quietly, "did she watch one of those Miyazaki movies again?"

They were startled by Aria immediately howling from within her room. "YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!"

Adagio and Sonata looked at her room, then at each other, and giggled in unison.

"Silly Aria."

Aria shrieked.

Author's Note

Lalalalalalalala. Lalala. Lalala. Lalalalalalalala.

It Started Because Her Hair Smelled Like Honey

In the back of her mind, Adagio liked to think of herself as a high and mighty empress of some sort. There was no sense in this little fantasy since the Rainbooms brought her and the others into the fold as...

What are we now? People who made a weird movie together one time?

The Rainbooms reached out to them, things happened, and they had all gotten pretty friendly, that was life now. As such, she really was better off without imagining herself to be too regal to do things herself, especially since she actually liked doing some of those things, but the doorbell had kind of stayed her guilty pleasure. Specifically, letting Aria or Sonata answer it for her, on her behalf, even, had been her guilty pleasure, but as neither of them were home right now, it was up to her.

On their doorstep stood Sunset Shimmer, holding a brush in one hand, a brown bag of uncertain contents in the other, and a deep scowl on her face, bags of the dark and splotchy kind under her narrowed eyes.

"Oh, hello Sunse-"

"Bend. Over."

Dead silent, Adagio blinked twice. Losing a considerable amount of malice, Sunset shook her head and frowned.

"N-no, wait, I meant, um... I was trying to think of what to say, but, I don't know how to tell someone I want to braid their hair in a way that makes it clear it's not optional even though it really kind of is and if anything it's just for my peace of mind so can I braid your hair please?" She closed with a large intake of breath.

Following an awkward pause, Adagio idly ran a hand through her unbraided locks. "I've never really done anything with it, but... why the sudden interest in styling?"

Sunset smiled hopefully. "I could tell you over the course of however long this takes. Please?"

Weighing possible pros and cons of the idea, Adagio quickly found herself leaning toward the choice that might have fewer people recognize her only by her voluminous fluff. Most of CHS still remembered that stupid movie and 'Death-Pomf' had to be her least favorite nickname.

A short while later, the two sat in pajamas on Adagio's bed, as was standard procedure for girly hair-braiding, with Sunset sitting behind Adagio as she, her brush, and her bag of scrunchies got to work.

"A weird dream?"

"Is it that hard to believe?"

"Oh, just the opposite. Seems like there are a lot of those lately."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. So, how did this dream of yours convince you that braiding my hair was the best way to achieve a good night's sleep?"

"Well..." The springs of the bed quietly creaked as Sunset shifted. "It's, I've, the dream was, um... Do have any big phobias? Like, ones that can make you do some slightly silly things, just to feel a little better?"

A mighty queen had no fears, but she really wasn't one of those. Even before they were banished to this world, the M.O. was more 'let enthralled servants fawn over us until they've exhausted themselves, them move on to next group,' which wasn't very royal of her either. That in mind, sharing her fear was easier. "Sharks. Cannot stand them."

"Heh, I can imagine. Does living here make that any easier?"

"When it's not raining." She felt Sunset stop braiding, so she turned to see her staring in confusion. "They call phobias 'irrational fears,' so I feel perfectly justified in being paranoid that somehow, sharks will use rainwater to breathe the day they get their freakish, ever-breaking-and-regrowing jaws on jetpacks, personal, miniature helicopters (they'd have to be careful not to get the Japanese treatment on their dorsal fins with the way they wore them, of course), or any other manner of propulsion device by which they could exit the sea and roam over dry land."

Sunset surprised herself a little with her next question. "Wouldn't breathing rainwater be an entirely different kettle of fish -no pun intended- to saline water?"

"I repeat, irrational fear." She turned forward again to let Sunset continue in abating her own, whatever the reasoning. "Besides, I suspect that even if they thought it was toxic to them, they'd take the chance just to feed on as many unsuspecting targets as possible, just to be able to taste freshly-liquefied babies trickling through their teeth as they tore through windows to snatch them out of their cribs."

"...Right. I had a dream about Canterlot High getting overrun with an apocalyptic swarm of bees."

"Do tell?"

"It was a nightmare (literally, come to think of it), they were popping up everywhere with all the exits blocked, with the swarm closing in no matter where I turned, attacking everyone while I ran away screaming like a little girl. My dream-friends actually tried to protect me, and got picked off by the stinging horrors one by one for it. Well, except Fluttershy, who covered herself in mud to keep them off (I wanted to follow her example, but by then, it was too late to go outside), but she somehow got drafted into directing traffic for smaller swarms as they moved through a four-way intersection in the hallway."

"Silly girl. She could have just left a big, yellow honey-comb stop-sign and they'd have probably worked it out for themselves."

"Right? Not her fault, though, I credit her in my head as being nice to a fault and this was my dream, so..."

"And they never caught you as you witnessed all of this?"

"Well, in my head, it makes perfect sense that you could hide from bugs by squeezing into a locker, even while watching them fly around all buzzy and terrifying through the hole-slit things in the door."

"Mm. How did it end?"

"Well, that's what brings us to braiding (which is coming along pretty nicely, if I may say so myself!). You, Aria, and Sonata were hiding out in an old part of the library when the swarm came in, those two got flattened under a falling bookshelf (they were okay), and you and me ran to Principal Celestia's Emergency Lock-down room (which I don't think the school really has, but it suddenly existed for dream purposes I guess), but they wouldn't open the door to let us in. The swarm caught us, but it turned out they were looking for you the whole time, which dream-you explained was because they'd lived in your hair before and while it was the warmest, coziest home they'd ever had and Aria and Sonata (I told you they were okay) said that they knew you kind of liked being Mommy to the swarm deep down, it annoyed you when they made honeycombs in your hair and made buzzing noises all the time. To say nothing of their propensity to track pollen, get into arguments more irritating than Aria and Sonata's, or just swarm random people for bumping into you."

"..."

"Yea. The dream kept going like that for a while, but it got me thinking about the possibility of bees hiding in your hair and I haven't slept right for the past couple nights," Sunset audibly pepped up, "but this morning, it hit me that they couldn't squeeze in if your hair was all done up in tight braids, so I'll never have to worry about brushing past you in a hallway or something and having horrible, stinging pain descend on me for the perceived threat! Isn't that great?"

Adagio chuckled. "Ohh, my dear, sweet, Sunset..." She looked over her shoulder to give Sunset a sad, pitying smile. "Don't you think I've tried that already?" For once, she took no satisfaction in seeing someone go very, very pale, though the jaw-dropping and eyes widening was still a little funny. "Even if it could stay braided forever, the tension of keeping my hair so tight that they couldn't find any space at all would probably damage my scalp in the long run. Besides, you missed the details of the honeycombs attracting other bugs when made in the outer curls, the incident that came after I walked past a flower shop, and tickling me by crawling around under my clothes. The final straw was when I caught them in my underpants, their way of making sure no one would 'pollinate' me." She may not have been a queen, but she was a grown woman and would decide that for herself, thank you very much!

Sunset had no thoughts to offer on this for the first several minutes, but Adagio patiently waited as she admired her new braids. "...You're... You're, totally punking me with this, aren't you?"

Smiling pleasantly, Adagio giggled. "No, but don't worry; with the help of a traveling beekeeper, I haven't seen them in months."

"...Cool?"

"Indeed. Now if only we could do something about sharks with jetpacks..."

Author's Note

Because of a strict aversion to anything even vaguely pornographic in my university's rules regarding campus computers and because Fimfic does have it's own sprawling lemon (is that the right term...?) orchard, I couldn't log on to this site without risk of not being able to do so again for a very long time. It would be difficult to explain the situation when some of those lemons are mailed directly to me on account of another story of mine.

But I did have access to a Notepad! Just not my notes for other stories, even the stuff I don't keep on Fimfic, because I couldn't use my own computer at all. Should be okay now, though. I think.

So yes, I once had the idea of Adagio having pet bees in her hair. There was going to be a whole story, starting with Adagio just coming home with bees in her hair after taking a nap on a park bench or something, the sirens' daily life with Adagio's new 'children,' possibly with a conflict of Aria and Sonata getting jealous of the swarm hogging Dagi's love and vice versa, but I felt like this here was enough of that. At best, I might someday be inclined to have the bees find Mummy Hive-Hair again and have the central characters respond to it.

I'm Definitely Not Still Writing These Sometimes

"Ow!!"

Raising a hand to address the side of her face Sonata had slapped, Sunset looked at her in hurt and confusion. "What was that for?!"

Sonata beamed. "'Cuz I hate you, stupid-face! Get bent!"

And then she skipped merrily away, humming a cheery tune as Sunset looked on, dumbstruck.

"Ouch!" Drawing a hand to her stinging cheek, Rarity blinked twice. "I, h-have I offended you, Darling? I told you I'd have been happy to make one of those colorful outfits for you as well, but the script said-"

"Yea," Sonata answered with a giggle, "I totally care about not getting to wear one of those tight, shiny, suits, but I wouldn't have slapped you anyway! You suck and I don't like you!"

"...What?"

"Never seeya again, hello!"

And away she went.

Sonata had her doubts about Fluttershy, but she could not overlook sacred tradition.

Smack!

"EEK," the latest victim squeaked, collapsing to the floor. Sonata definitely didn't feel guilty about this already, but Fluttershy looked up at her, one hand drawn to her flushed face. "H...harder!"

"Haha... What?"

"Harder," Fluttershy breathed huskily as she leapt up, a shaky smile on her face as she latched onto Sonata's shoulders with both hands, "hit me again, please!"

It was a good thing Sonata wasn't super uncomfortable right now, but she very delicately slapped Fluttershy again anyway.

Fluttershy blinked. "Huh...? I said harder, please."

Sonata slapped her again, slower and weaker than before.

"Harder!! That means with more force!"

"Okay, okay!" Sonata made kittens look fierce and brutal with her next slap. Maybe it was still too hard somehow, because Fluttershy started tearing up as she sank to the floor.

"Oh, I see, I'm just not worth slapping," she sniffled, hugging her knees to her chest, "sorry to have bothered you."

Looking down at her, Sonata awkwardly brushed the back of her neck. "Yea... Um... So, anyway, I hope you get run over. You really suck? Have a bad day."

As she left, she didn't see the placated look on Fluttershy's face as she contented herself with the verbal abuse.

"Your hair smells like a dead squirrel throwing up, Aria!"

Laying on the couch with a magazine, Aria looked up just enough to ensure that her raised eyebrow wouldn't go to waste. "You've been sniffing my hair again?"

"No! I mean yes! And it reeks! You should definitely switch to a new shampoo!"

"...What?"

Sonata beamed. "You're just below average intelligence and sorta ugly, but I'm sure you'd make a great leader!"

At this, Aria scowled, an angry blush working its way across her face as she shouted. "Dagi, she's doing it again!!"

Wearing an apron (over her normal clothes, you pervert!) and a welding mask, Adagio popped in from the kitchen. "Doing what?"

Aria sounded earnestly confused. "She's... being Sonata. What else?"

Even through the welding mask, Adagio managed a deadpan stare. "Yes, that function comes factory standard."

Sonata giggled. "Worry a lot, Dagi, it's just-" she winked, "-not opposite day and I'm totally-" and again, "-not celebrating it."

She had to lift the mask to show her raised eyebrow. "Opposite day? The 'holiday' in which everything is reversed?"

"Nope!"

"There's no such thing, Sonata."

"Hehe! I know there's no-"

"No, listen: If the idea is that everything is backwards, everything 'opposite,' then wouldn't opposite day be the opposite of itself?"

The room went quiet. Sonata continued to smile, but her open mouth did not move and made no sound as her eyes, wide and unblinking, began to burn. Smoke leaked from her ears as she tried to digest this information, which had her fall over, curl up into a ball, and break down into inane gibbering as her world ceased to make sense.

Walking over for a better look, Aria chuckled before turning to Adagio. "Nice. Were you just punking her?"

Unamused, Adagio lowered her mask again. "No." And back she went to the kitchen to make brownies.

Watching her go, Aria shrugged. Looking back at Sonata and her ongoing breakdown, she smiled, pulled out her phone, and pressed Record.

Author's Note

The Stupid keeps coming, occasionally. I'm sorry.

Your Hair Is Basically Chuck Norris

Aria and Sonata briefly paused their game of balancing Q-tips on their noses when they heard the door slam, Adagio trudging in with a tired look on her face.

"What's up, Dagi?"

She sighed. "That stupid movie... people are still cracking jokes about my 'giant, murderous' hair!"

Shrugging, Aria crossed her arms. "Could that be because it works as a fully functional beehive? I mean, I haven't seen your swarm lately, but-"

"I told you, they went to go live on a farm," her eyes narrowed, "and if that beekeeper knows what's good for him, he'll make sure they want to stay."

Smiling, Sonata leaned over to whisper to Aria. "Bee-Mama still cares."

"What was that, Sonata?"

"Heehee! Nothing, just, you can't really blame 'em, right? I mean, your hair is pretty crazy all by itself."

"Wha-?!"

Aria snickered. "Yea, I'm pretty sure someone sitting behind you in class was almost smothered to death."

"Because she wouldn't stop sniffing me! It's hardly my fault that people have no self-control! Or lung capacity!"

Sonata snorted. "Adagio's hair is so powerful, it lures people to their deaths!"

"Oh, very fu-"

Aria was giggling. "And when they get close, it stretches out and saps their life energy!"

"Girls!! You know that Sunset braided it not too long ago?"

"Yea, but I'm sure she'll walk again some day."

Adagio facepalmed. Sonata smiled wider.

"Adagio's Hair doesn't get combed, combs get Adagio's Hair."

Aria joined. "Every time Adagio walks by barber shops, they turn out the lights and pretend no one's home."

"A runaway truck once rammed into Adagio from the back. The driver didn't make it."

"Her hairband is only there as a warning, it doesn't actually restrain anything."

Adagio pulled up a chair as they went on.

"When Adagio's Hair is washed, rats in the sewers the water goes to get ripped with muscles!"

"Adagio's shampoo is a blend of jet fuel and liquefied sharks!"

"Adagio's Hair is super curly because she has yet to see a mate worthy enough to make Adagio's Hair straighten out!"

"Wind doesn't blow on its own, it shudders and squirms across the world when Adagio's Hair moves!"

"Adagio's Hair doesn't need to be brushed, Adagio's Hair just likes to remind brushes of their place!"

"One of her bangs once broke both a man's arms in an arm-wrestling contest!"

"Followed by the arms of everyone that saw it!"

"Adagio's Hair does not just keep those that touch it warm, Adagio's Hair actively tells the coldness to piss off, and coldness listens!"

"Adagio's Hair is so soft that it's come full-circle and became completely indestructible!"

"Adagio can't wear hats, because there can be only The Fluff!"

"Hairdryers are but a leisure delight to amuse Adagio's Hair, and are turned off when Adagio's Hair is satisfied!"

"When Adagio walks by, bald people shudder in fear and cover their privates!"

"Adagio does not bleed when cut, Adagio's Hair just springs out of the wound to eviscerate the attacker before sealing the wound again!"

"Perms are a primitive, pagan mimicry of Adagio's Hair!"

"Wigs only exist because Adagio's Hair allows it!"

"Adagio once went to a circus, where the clowns challenged Adagio's Hair. All were consumed."

"And three days later, Adagio's Hair gave birth to Pinkie Pie!"

"Every fluffy thing in the universe has Adagio's Hair as a common ancestor!"

"When gum gets stuck in Adagio's Hair, Adagio's Hair starts chewing the gum until the gum mysteriously vanishes!"

The doorbell rang, Adagio getting up to answer it.

Sunset stood in the doorway. "Hi, guys!"

"Hi, Sunset!"
"Hi, Sunset!"

Adagio gestured to their guest. "And as you can see, she's walking on her own legs." A raised, worried eyebrow from Sunset drew a deadpan reply. "They've been acting like my hair is some kind of monstrous demigod and I wanted to prove that you weren't mangled for braiding it."

"Huh?"

Aria and Sonata giggled together.

"Adagio's Hair does not get tangled, it just makes rope!"

"Adagio's scalp is more secure than Fort Knox!"

"Adagio's Hair does not get wet, Adagio's Hair just holds water hostage for a while!"

"Adagio doesn't work out; just standing up with Adagio's Hair makes her stronger than most body-builders!"

"Someone once tried to cut Adagio's Hair with a pair of scissors, and after days of bemoaning the loss, they decided to replace their missing arm with a prosthetic!"

Adagio clenched her jaw a little as the two laughed, only getting more annoyed when Sunset cleared her throat.

"Adagio's Hair..." Folding her arms behind her back, Sunset smiled sheepishly. "smells nice."

Dead silence. When Adagio, idly twirling a lock of hair around one finger, looked to the other two for a comment, she saw only a pair of signs reading Gone Fishin'. She looked back at Sunset, who continued to wear a self-conscious grin and an increasingly nervous blush.

"Y-you know," Sunset whispered, "I can hold my breath for a long time..."

For about an hour, Adagio's Hair went straight.

Author's Note

Someone once asked if this story was basically a repository for jokes about Adagio's Hair, so I feel like this is the logical conclusion. That was every Chuck Norris-esque joke I could think of for her hair. Got any of your own? :pinkiehappy:

Singing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is just a whim away. (a whim away a whim away a whim away...)

Human fingers desperately grabbing at the rocky surface from which she hung, Princess Twilight clung for dear life, but still felt herself slipping from the ledge.

Atop the rock, Sunset looked down as Twilight called out to her.

"Sunset, help meeee!"

Sunset knelt down, reaching toward Twilight's hands to lift her up... then she stopped, harshly grabbed her wrists, and held Twilight's face close to her own, a menacing smile spreading across her lips as Twilight gaped back in shock and dismay. Sunset whispered.

"Long, live, the queen..."

She flung Twilight away from the rock, leaving her to fall with a mournful cry of "Noooooo!"

And then Twilight flopped down on the tile floor not one meter away from where she'd been clinging, her knees never even having left the ground where she'd been kneeling in front of the big rock in the Canterlot Natural History Museum's geology exhibit. She looked up at Sunset, who still stood atop the big rock she'd 'thrown' Twilight off, Sunset blankly staring back for a moment before the two giggled like fillies.

"Please do not play on the exhibits," came the voice of Maud Pie, who happened to be wearing a pith helmet.

"Haha, sorry," Sunset responded with a sheepish smile as she hopped off the rock, "couldn't help ourselves."

"What's the commotion over here?"

Twilight got to her feet at the sound of Adagio's voice, a little perplexed to see her with a heavy war hammer slung over her shoulder and Aria and Sonata wearing viking hats behind her as the trio approached, Aria drinking from what appeared to be an authentic mug of mead.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "I know this place has a gift shop, but where'd you get that?"

Aria shrugged. "I'unno, pillage?" She took a swig.

"I was referring to the medieval weapon."

"The flail is in the shop," answered Adagio.

"That's not quite what I was ask-"

"So, what's going on over here? I could have sworn I heard the sounds of betrayal and despair."

Smiling, Twilight shook her head. "The others showed me 'The Jungle Cat Principality' today and Sunset and I were being silly."

Wearing a light blush, Sunset giggled. "Have you guys ever seen that one?"

Smiling, Adagio nodded. "A few times. I liked the rodent and Mr. Pig!"

Having expected Adagio of all people to have liked the villain more (Seriously, was I the only one?!), Sunset laughed a little. "Really? Why?"

A warm, tender grin spreading across her face, Adagio shrugged. "I'm, not sure why, exactly, they just felt... familiar, somehow."

As Adagio reminisced, Sunset, Twilight, and Maud looked at Aria and Sonata. After a short, dot-connecting silence, Aria turned her head to smirk at Sonata.

"Hey, Dagi says you're a fat, smelly pig."

Sonata's eyes narrowed. "Are you talking to me?"

Despite Aria's insistence that a viking cares not for rules, she and Sonata are not allowed in the museum anymore.

Author's Note

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-Omake:-------------
Twilight: "So, does this mean Aria and Sonata like eating bugs, or...?"
Adagio: "Other than the time Sonata did it once to gross Aria out and Aria turned it into a contest, no."
Sunset: "...Did that include your pet bees?"
Adagio: "That was what ended the contest."
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-

While I'm supposed to be working on other, less stupid stories, this seems to be a little less than the amount of work I usually get done in one sitting and it's nice to work on something you might actually publish in less than a few weeks/months. I think it's like the writing equivalent of snacking on potato chips rather than waiting until dinner.