Jack in Equestria

I went out back to feed the chickens, and one of them caught my eye. Since when does a chicken have a horn and an antler?

"I see you're having some trouble keeping up with her," it said.

Discord. Of course.

I got defensive. "Humans don't mate like this. This is too much. Maybe if I was 13 again, but at my age--"

"Tut tut tut, nopony wants to hear your excuses." He flashed into his true form, stroking his chin. "Well, I suppose I can help you out." A gleeful giggle escaped his mouth. "Yes, that will be perfect." He snapped his fingers, and I felt something happening to my crotch. "There, I gave you the virility of a stallion. Now this should be interesting. Don't let me down." Light hoofsteps approached. "Well, that's my cue. Toodle-oo!" With that, he flashed away.

Fluttershy trotted along with a slightly wobbly step and a contented smile on her face. As she bent down to greet a badger, I was struck by her kind beauty once again. I watched her attend to all the other animals, one by one, greeting each one with a happy smile and a wordless song. She really is beautiful.

She cantered to me. Her head at the height of my belly, she looked up at me with the most guileless smile I've ever witnessed. "Isn't this a lovely morning, Jack?"

I knelt down and kissed her full on the muzzle. My eyes, I'm sure, glazed over, and she caught the cue. She flapped her wings, rising, and turned around to brush my face with her tail seductively. She looked back at me with a heavy-lidded gaze, and flew toward her front door. I followed. Of course.