Luna, Moonshine, and a Bakery
Luna, Moonshine, and a Bakery
Luna took another sip from her moonshine. She could not believe how the human had captured her so easily. She was Princess of the Night! To be taken down by the one called John was a large hit to her ego. She could have taken him, but she was too consumed by curiosity to realize he was kidnapping her until it was too late.
Luna took another sip. She had not made moonshine since she was banished, but it was still as good as she remembered. She made this one extra strong to forget the humiliation of being imprisoned in the crystal caverns. She’d probably wake up with a headache, and Celestia would be angry that she skipped her night duties, but Luna was content to deal with those problems when they arose.
Luna began to chug straight from the large bottle. She emptied the container and immediately started siphoning essence from the moon to refill the bottle. Once it was full, she began to chug again. The kick from the alcohol helped her not to focus on the events of the wedding. She finished her seventh bottle and started to fill it again. Celestia had never gotten past the fourth, and any normal pony would pass out before finishing one, but Luna had the stomach of a Princess of the Night on her side.
She began to chug again, and she wondered if the human could drink as well. She had nearly forgotten the incident, and was starting to think of John like a drinking buddy.
“Noooo,” she slurred as she finished the bottle, “that human couldn’t keep up with the Princess of the Night. Nopony can!”
“Luna?” Celestia’s voice sounded through the door. “Who are you talking to?”
“Nopony!” Luna answered. The dark alicorn stood up, waving her wings to steady herself. “I am talking to nopony and nopony should have answered.” She hiccupped.
“Luna, have you been drinking your moonshine again?” Celestia sighed outside the door. “I can smell the alcohol from out here.” She opened the door and entered the dark room. “Why are you drinking?”
Luna paused in thought, swaying on her hooves as her wings flared to keep her steady. “I can’t remember why we began drinking. Thou should join though! Maybe you could call thy new human to drink as well. We would like to see him keep his alcohol as well as the Princess of the Night!” She threw her forehooves into the air as she spoke the last sentence, toppling backward. She quickly picked herself up while her sister shook her head.
“Luna, you need to stop drinking and attend your night court.”
“Nay!” Luna hiccupped. “We will go out on the town and have fun with our little ponies! You have told us before that I should meet more of the citizens anyways, and the citizens of the night are the fun ones!”
“Luna, you’re drunk.”
“We are not drunk!” Luna huffed. “I just have a little buzz.”
“You’re switching between the current I and the royal We,” Celestia replied. “You can’t even stand straight, and you smell like a brewery on overtime. Let me cast a sobering spell and get you to your duties.”
Luna backed away from the white alicorn, “Nay! We want to wait for the headache to come later, not now. And you know how much I hate dealing with those insufferable nobles.”
“I hate dealing with them as well, but it still needs to be done.” Celestia took a step forward.
Luna took another step back, “You will not take me away from my night of fun!” She spun around and threw the window to the balcony open before running out and leaping into the air.
“Oh, this is just great,” Celestia said to herself as she watched her sister glide unsteadily through the air. “Fine, Luna, I will take your night court for today, but you owe me dearly.” She turned around and exited the room.
Luna glided drunkenly through the night. Her moon cast light enough to see the city, and she shakily turned toward one of the dark streets below. “There should be a bakery down here somewhere, hopefully they are still open.” To say she was hungry would be an understatement.
Luna realized too late that the street was approaching faster than the thought it would. She turned up and was met with a window that read ‘Bakery.’ She crashed through the window and fell into the bakery.
Luna slowly picked herself up. She shook her head, throwing glass shards flying. She looked around the shop and spied a large counter filled with many delicacies baked that day. The owners would throw them out in the morning, but Luna was glad to see some were kind of fresh. Further into the shop, she spied a large white cake on a low table. The cake was probably close to the height of Celestia, and the nearly as wide as a normal pony was long. The cake looked as if it belonged in a large wedding, a little smaller than the wedding between Cadance and Shining Armor.
Luna licked her lips and made her way to the cake. She plowed her head into the center and began eating the vanilla cake from the inside. Luna liked chocolate better, but was hungry enough to eat a hor … that probably isn’t the best analogy. Luna devoured the cake that was nearly twice her size regardless.
As Luna finished the cake, she did not notice that her entire head was covered with white frosting, down to just above the base of her neck. Still hungry, she turned her attention to the counter. She stretched out her head to pluck up one of the cookies, but her mouth met an invisible barrier. Luna tried again, and was met with the same resistance.
Moonshine is known to be much stronger than regular alcohol, and it was showing its effects on a certain Princess of the Night when she started to try chewing through the glass of the counter that barred her way. It was also at this time that a little earth pony filly happened to come downstairs to see what the ruckus inside her parent’s shop could possibly be. This little filly was a little more than shocked to discover what she could only describe as a floating white head in a very dark bakery trying to eat glass.
The little filly could only stare as Luna finally broke the glass with her teeth. She began to eat a larger hole, not noticing the blood flowing from her mouth. Unhindered, she grabbed at the cookie again. She ate the cookie, as well as the surrounding sweets. The already scared filly saw the white head rise, dripping blood, and began to scream.
Luna glanced at the screaming filly, uninterested, and continued in her quest for food. Her eyes lit upon a dish, where normal ponies would place the metal utensils they had eaten their food with. Luna’s alcohol raddled brain told her that the shiny stuff in the plastic bucked MUST be food. Why else would it be shiny?
Luna made her way to the bucket as the filly’s parents finally made their way into the shop. Having slept through the first ruckus, they were completely unaware of the intruder. Their first clue was the broken window. Their second lay with the missing cake. Their third was the ruined counter. If they needed any more clues, they would have found the last with the large white head that was currently eating their customer’s used silverware. The white head, finished with the hard, but shiny food decided that the plastic bin would suffice for another snack.
The owners of the shop could only gawk in shock as Luna finished eating the plastic bin and turned to them. “Hello, my little ponies! What brings you here at this late hour?” She gave them no chance to answer before falling forward onto her face.
Celestia sat, very angrily, in the night court. Boring noble after boring noble paraded absolutely meaningless complaints in front of her. If she could, she would have canceled the court, and maybe drank some of Luna’s moonshine. However, the noble would give her no end of complaints about the ‘Second Rise of Nightmare Moon’ if someone did not give them the meaningless court. And so she was here. Luna owed her dearly.
A messenger burst through the door, obviously bringing an important message to the princess. “Princess Celestia! We have word that your sister, Princess Luna, has been sighted breaking and entering into a bakery!”
Celestia could only stare, dumbfounded, at the messenger. She finally asked, “What?”
“Your sister has broken into a bakery, eaten most of the confectionaries and silverware, and passed out drunkenly on the floor.”
Celestia gawked at the messenger. She slowly stood up, “Night court is canceled for tonight.” The nobles quickly filed out of the throne room. Celestia stepped down and followed the messenger. Outwardly, she was angry and disappointed by Luna’s actions. Inwardly, however, Celestia was secretly thankful that her sister had gotten her out of the boring court.
Celestia cast waking and sobering spells on Luna. The Princess of the Night awoke with a pounding head and the taste of blood and cake in her mouth.
“What happened Luna?” Celestia asked.
The dark alicorn responded, “I can’t remember too much, but I think I counted about nine or ten bottles of moonshine.”
Celestia shook her head. “Next time you go on a drinking binge, remind me to lock you into your room.”
Luna chuckled, “My mouth hurts.”
“Probably from eating your way through a glass counter. That poor filly that witnessed the whole thing is going to be scarred for life.”
“She even saw me eat the cake?”
The baker, who had overheard the conversation, suddenly jumped in, “You ate the entire cake! That cake was bigger than Celestia and nearly as wide as I am long! And that silverware set you ate was a family heirloom!”
Celestia looked at Luna in shock, “You ate silverware?! What are you, a goat?”
Luna glared at her sister, “I was hungry.”
The baker was not amused, “I expect compensation for your damages.”
Celestia looked at him and said as sweetly as possible, “You will be compensated, but you better watch your attitude around princesses, or I will not lock Luna away during her next drinking session. In fact, I will join her.”
The baker knew true fear at that statement, and for the good of Equestria, he backed away.
Luna chuckled, “You should join me next time, but make sure the castle cooks bake several cakes and the guards lock us into one of the bedrooms.”
Celestia joined her sister’s chuckle, “I will think about it.”
Luna added, “And maybe we can invite the human, John. I would like to see if he can keep up with the Princesses of the Day and Night.”
Author's Note
Well, I took a little break from Blackest Knight to write this oneshot, but I think it may be worth it.
I'm also contemplating another side shot where Celestia, Luna, and John try the moonshine as well 
