Diamonds Are Forever

"FUCK." The scientist says, taking off his headphones.

"What?" his assistant says, putting down his coffee.

"I created the portal, I brought these three back, and all I get is one makes a FUCKING LOVE POTION. That just so happens to be directed toward the other two test subjects." He says, placing his head in his hands.

"Sir, the results were amazing!" The assistant says, enthusiastically.

He wheels around and looks at his assistant. "You don't understand. The virtual reality was to see how three different social statuses would react to each other. When done on humans, the results were just like in the real world. High class hates middle class, middle class hates low class. Here, though, high and middle class fuck like rabbits, and low is the cause of it all." He says, somewhat irate.

"Well, Johnson, what's the report?" a voice says from the door. It's the scientist's boss, who hadn't heard the conversation just held.

"Inconclusive as hell. I can't figure out what the fucking problem is, and I don't wanna know." He says, getting out of his chair and walking to the door.

"Well, we'll try again. Maybe rplace the white one with a royal figure, the scaly one with the energetic one, and the zebra for the cross-eyed one."

"No. Put them back in their own world." the scientist says, looking at his boss with a look that says that this is the only true option.

"Fine. Sam, get the portal running again."

"YES, SIR!"