"Terrible dream. You, Mary, Gladstone, and I were on a restaurant. That satanic pony was there as well, a massive fork in his hoof and he turned on me!" – Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes – A Game of Shadows, 2011

CHAPTER TWO

PONY STARK

RAWR!

"What the hell!" the billionaire in a metal suit screamed, waking up from his near-permanent slumber "What just happened? Please, tell me nobody kissed me"

His name was Tony Stark. He's also known as Iron Man as named by a reporter who was a big fan of Black Sabbath. Tony Stark used to be a self-centered, billionaire weapons dealer until he was captured by terrorists and escaped with a suit of armor. Then he became a self-centered, billionaire superhero patrolling the world on his super-suit which would be like if Bill Gates one day decided to pilot a Megazord and stop petty thieves. Ever since coming back from Afghanistan, Tony swore to never build weapons again, and then he started to build weapons again, but for his own use only, because second amendment, motherfucker!

Despite being a civilian with enough firepower to level a small country, the government (mostly) left him alone. I mean, it's not like Tony has an army of those things on his basement that he can control by remote. Now, that would require some accountability.

The reason why Tony almost died was because he had to guide a missile (probably signed 'Fuck You, New York. Love, Hollywood') away from the city and towards the mothership of invading aliens who wanted to enslave everyone. It was a wild weekend.

Tony takes a second to look at the men surrounding him. His fellow fighters who helped him defeat the bad guys. There they were:

Thor. The God of Thunder, which sounds impressive until you realize that thunder is nothing but sound, which makes him the God of Loud Noises. Thor was the prince of the faraway (and by faraway, we mean on the other side of the universe) realm of Asgard. Thor was shocked to discover that his beloved little brother, Loki, had turned evil and would try to bring the end of everything that exists, even though anyone with a little knowledge of mythology already knew that for, like, the last 2000 years.

Bruce Banner. The Hulk. The giant green guy that woke him up. A brilliant scientist who got in an accident that cursed him to turn into an uncontrollable hulking beast of rage every time he got angry, or horny, or any time his heart rate peaked, or when he tried to commit suicide, and then anytime he wanted, and sometimes when he didn't want, and then the beast wasn't that much uncontrollable anymore. You think this is inconsistent? Well, did you know that in the original comics he turned into the Hulk every night like a fucking werewolf? And then there was some shit with alien rays that stuck him into Hulk mode, but susceptible to mind control by an average teenager? Then he only would become the Hulk if he bathed himself into Gamma rays again and then once more to turn back into Banner, and THEN the whole angry thing finally came along TWO YEARS after the Hulk debuted! But still then, if the Hulk got too angry he would turn back into Banner! So, yeah.

When he's not a monster, Banner is Tony's bestie (Don't tell Rhodey).

Steve Rogers. The living legend, Captain America. A scrawny kid from the 40's who turned into a war hero thanks to the purity of his heart and some steroids. Steve was deemed dead at the end of the war but was actually frozen in the Arctic Circle. 70 years later he was thawed out and sent to fight aliens with monsters, flying metal men and Gods, because that wouldn't damage his psyche at all. No, really, it didn't. Everyone he knew was dead, his old morals and ideals were considered antiquated, the world was 70 years ahead of him, and then the world was attacked (and defended) by shit that even modern men was having trouble understanding, but he didn't even seen that much bothered about any of it. He's probably a psychopath. Definitely a virgin. He also smells of patriotism and retirement homes.

Together they were strong. Together they were the Fantastic Four! But then Black Widow and Hawkeye joined the gang pushing up the number of heroes from four to six. So, now they are the Avengers.

Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. Former Russian spy, master of manipulation, and ridiculously out of her league under the current situation. She joined the group to resolve personal issues, and also, you know, "Sausage Fest", "Girl Power", that kind of crap. (Nobody ever complains about the lack of male members on an all-female group though. Double-standard sexists!) She did close the portal which killed all the aliens, so there's that.

Clint Barton. Hawkeye. An agent of SHIELD who's really, really, really good with a bow. He joined the group to redeem himself and get revenge over Loki for brainwashing him. Plus, no matter how obsolete and impractical into a war situation it may be, archery is cool in anyone's book. Tony has no idea where Clint is now. He's probably dead. They can mourn him later.

The Avengers were brought together by Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD. Nick Fury wears an eye patch after his left eye was "clawed" off by a Canadian whose name we can't mention because of film rights.

It was at moments like this, surrounded by a giant Gamma monster, a mythological God, a guy who survived being frozen for 70 years, and the corpses of giant, floating space snakes near a building who opened a portal to another dimension powered by a never-ending, perpetual motion energy source, while being watched by a spy agency on a invisible, flying air carrier, that Tony Stark realized that science should be crying right now.

"We won" Steve Rogers said

"All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it"

"We're not finished yet" said Thor, referring to his loser brother.

"And then shawarma after" Tony insisted

"Uh… Stark?" Steve asked unsure "Is everything okay with your Arc Reactor?"

"Why?" Tony looks down and sees his chest piece flickering repeatedly "Damn it, Steve! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Steve protested, and before Tony could argue further, his arc reactor shot a Unibeam of blue light towards the sky that blinded the other Avengers. For a moment, Tony could swear that he saw another beam of red light coming from the heavens and colliding with his beam of blue light. And then red became blue and blue became red. But everything was so fast, sudden, and bright, that Stark's brain couldn't process it properly, and with a blink of the eye it was over.

"Oh, wow! That was intense!" Stark said after a moment "Okay, guys, now that we are all properly freaked out, it would be a good time for someone to help me stand before I make another hole in the ozone layer"

"What's the ozone layer?" Thor whispered to Steve who just shrugged and proceeded to help Tony stand up.

"Okay, now" Tony says "Where is the God of Hissy Fits?"

"If I'm not mistaken, Big Guy cemented him in your apartment's floor, Stark" said an almost breathless voice by the radio

"Barton! You're alive!" Stark answered

"What do you mean 'I'm alive'?"

"Nothing. Can you get to the Stark Tower?"

"Sure…"

"What about you, 'Natashalie'? Do you copy?"

"I'm on the tower's roof with Selvig" Natasha answered

"Oh, yeah, Selvig. I forgot about him. Let him rest there for a moment, get a tan. Meet us on my apartment. We have a God to arrest"

A few minutes later, all the Avengers assembled on Tony's apartment, watching as the God of Lies pathetically crawls out of his hole towards the bar, completely unaware of their presence. One has to assume that being repeatedly smashed in the ground by the Hulk would do nasty things to your hearing.

Loki was the cause of all that trouble. Sure, he had his Freudian reasons, but they were just as childish and petty as alternate dimension's Dr. Doofenshmirtz who turned evil because of his lost "Choo-Choo"… Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you see, there's this animated movie based on the Phineas & Ferb cartoon where an alternate version of Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to conquer the Earth by shooting a beam from the top of a building which opens a portal to another dimension for his evil army to pass through… Oh, never mind! Forget I brought it up.

Finally noticing their presence, Loki turns around to face his defeaters "If it's all the same to you" he says, with a faint smile "I'll have that drink now" Tony couldn't help but smile.

After, the Avengers delivered Loki safely to the Helicarrier to be dealt with later, Tony made another call to his girlfriend, Pepper, who, this time, picked up. After their usual banter and Tony assuring her that he's okay, Pepper told him that she should be arriving tomorrow morning, and that they have a lot of mess to clean up. Then they finally had shawarma.

During their bonding supper, Natasha and Clint sat quietly together, eating their snacks, because they totally don't have a thing going on, Steve almost fell asleep on his plate, and Tony kept pestering Thor with questions about how much of what he read on Mythology books was true, like did Loki really convince him to dress up as a bride and pretend to be Freya so he could retrieve his hammer, among other things, all while Banner, now back to normal, did his best to not fall out laughing.

After their dinner, Tony invited all the Avengers to spend the night at Stark Tower, which they accepted. After making sure that all his new friends were comfortable on their rooms, Stark collapsed in his bed, exhausted. Today was a long day, tomorrow will be just as long, so Tony closed his eyes, hoping to be woken up by a kiss from Pepper…

Who opened the window?

Stark feels a cold breeze hit his skin, he tries to cover himself up, but can't find his blanket. He doesn't remember his bed being so fluffy either. He opens his eyes and is shocked to see nothing but blue sky. What happened to my walls? And my ceiling? What happened to my bed?! Stark realizes that he's standing on a cloud, but… that's impossible! You can't stand on a cloud!

"What the fuck?" Stark says, now realizing that his voice sounds girly "What the fuck?" he repeats.

He looks at his hands. They're not hands! They're stumps! Why are they blue? Where are his fingers? Are… are these hooves?! WHY ARE THEY BLUE?! Why does everything look so Technicolor and two-dimensional? What's going on?

Calm down, Stark, calm down. Think, there's gotta be a rational explanation for all of this… Okay, theory number one: I'm high.

"There you are, Rainbow Dash!"

Stark looks down from his cloud and sees a pink pony waving at him.

"Oh, hello there, figment of my imagination" Stark greeted back "What's a 'Rainbow Dash'? Sounds like some kind of cleaning product" Stark wonders if he sniffed Rainbow Dash by accident and that's why he's tripping.

"What?" the pink pony seemed confused, but then smiled again "That's your name, silly!"

"Of course it is" Stark says with a sigh

"C'mon down" the pink pony bounces in the air "The girls are waiting for us at the library!"

"And how do you suggest I get down from here?"

"Huh? Well, you just fly... like always"

"I just fly like always…" Stark repeats, rolling his eyes. Well, it wouldn't be a true fever dream without a flying sequence now, would it? "Okay then, here I go!" Stark jumps from the cloud…

…and falls straight down, screaming.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" the pony asks Stark as he tries to get up from the little depression his body formed in the ground. Well, that crosses out dreaming, as the fall would have woken him up. The 'Sniffed Rainbow Dash' theory still stands though. "Why didn't you flap your wings?"

"I have wings?" Stark looks at the sides of his new body and notices a pair of wings "I have wings… Of course I have wings…"

"Dashie, are you feeling okay?" the pink pony seemed worried

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Stark said, trying to stand on his two legs "Who are you, anyway?"

"Who am I?!" the pony said, shocked "You-you don't remember? I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie" Stark says, completely deadpan "I'm Blue Burrito"

"What? NO!" Pinkie Pie cried "Your name is Rainbow Dash! You gotta remember that!"

"No! My name is NOT Rainbow Dash!" Stark shouts at Pinkie "And is not Blue Burrito either. My name is Tony Stark and I had enough of this weirdness!"

Pinkie looks shocked for a moment, but quickly changes into a determined look and starts to push Stark towards the library.

"What are you doing?" Stark tries to resist, but the Earth Pony is too strong for him.

"We're off to see Twilight!" Pinkie said "She'll know what's wrong with you"

"Twilight?" says Stark "Oh, I got it. So, that's what's happening here, huh? I have just crossed over into the Twilight Zone, haven't I?"

"No, not yet…" Pinkie says, and then head butts Stark into the library "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!"

Stark falls on his back, and takes a look at his surroundings… Pinkie was right… this IS the Twilight Zone.

"Oh, fuck me…" Stark moans as the residents of the library come closer.

Author's Note

MARVEL FUN FACTS:

There are four known (named) Pegasi in the Main Marvel Universe (Earth-616): Elendil, Aragorn, Valinor, and Brightwind.

Elendil was a black stallion owned by British Communist scientist/spy Nathan Garrett who, using his knowledge on the field of genetic engineering, gave him wings. Riding Elendil and armed with a hi-tech lance of his creation, Garrett became the villain Black Knight. After the Black Knight's ultimate defeat at the hands of Iron Man, Elendil ran away and was captured by Victoria Frankenstein, Victor Frankenstein's great-granddaughter. Victoria tried to "cure" Elendil from its mutation, but only mutated him further giving him sharp teeth, talons in the place of hooves, bat-like leather wings, razor-barbed mane, and a dragon-like tail. Renamed Hellhorse, he's now the ride of villain Dreadknight.

Dr. Dane Whitman was Garret's American nephew. On his deathbed, Garret made Whitman promise that he would use all his scientific breakthroughs for the good. Whitman used his uncle's genetic manipulation technique to give wings to a white steed he named Aragorn, and became the heroic second Black Knight. Still posing as a villain, he joined the Masters of Evil to serve as a spy for the Avengers. Later, while fighting Enchantress with the Defenders, he was magically exiled to the 12th Century. Brunnhilde the Valkyrie became Aragorn's new owner.

Valinor was Whitman's second Pegasus, given to him by Merlin who transported him back to his time. Whitman would eventually reclaim Aragorn while Valinor ended up with the villainous Bloodwraith.

Brightwind is the only pure born Pegasus of this list, as the first two were genetic manipulations and Valinor was magically created by Merlin. When the New Mutants were transported to Asgard by the Enchantress, Native-American mutant Danielle Moonstar found herself in Valhalla, where she rescued a lone Pegasus from a group of hunters. The two became psychically bonded with the horse "selecting" her to be his new rider and following her back to Earth. Danielle named him Brightwind.

Brightwind was the name of her childhood pony.

Elendil debuted in Tales to Astonish #52 in February, 1964

Aragorn debuted in Avengers #48 in January, 1968

Valinor debuted in Hulk Comic (UK) #1 in March, 1978

Brightwind debuted in New Mutants Special Edition #1 in December, 1985