Watching MLP with my mother. Here's her official statement about Blueblood:

"What a faggot!"

I love my mom.

CHAPTER 5

FRIENDSHIP IS JUST SCIENCE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND YET

CRASH!

"Sorry, sorry" Tony Dash frantically apologizes after dropping, and breaking, the fourth cup that morning "I'm still getting used to these" she says, waving her hands and smiling awkwardly.

"It's okay… uh… Rainbow" Pepper said. She had to admit, it was kind of cute seeing Tony acting so clumsy, awkward and embarrassed. It was like seeing an entirely new side of him, an adorable side.

"Call me Dash. All my friends do" Tony Dash said, smiling while eating a sandwich "By the way, sorry for calling you a hideous creature earlier"

"Don't worry about it" Pepper said, picking the broken cup up from the floor "You were under a lot of stress. I can only imagine how strange all of this is for you"

"Yeah, it is pretty strange" Tony Dash said, with a little sad tone on her voice "Like, this whole world is strange. Even the names! I mean, what kind of name is Bruce? You're the only one here with a normal name, Pepper"

Potts almost said that Pepper is just a nickname and her real name is Virginia, but she didn't want to destroy the only connection whoever was inside Tony had with his home. "Is that why you decided to stay here with me, rather than in the living room with the rest of the guys?"

"Well, not really" Dash said with a chuckle "I just felt more comfortable staying around another girl, no offense to your friend Natasha"

Pepper almost dropped the cup again "You're a girl?!"

"Uh… Yeah" Tony Dash answers "You didn't know?"

Tony is inside a girl's body! Oh, shit! I hope he didn't…

Snap out of it, Pepper. He's not in a girl's body. He is in a horse girl's body. Tony wouldn't…

Oh, yes, he would!

NO, HE WOULDN'T! Dear God, Pepper! Stop thinking about this! Even if it was a human girl, Tony is not like that anymore. He wouldn't…

BULLSHIT! The flesh is weak!

Goddamn it, Pepper! Don't you have any faith in him?

Of course I have faith in him, but…

"Pepper? Are you okay?" Dash asks her, worried.

"Uh, what?" Pepper says "Oh, yeah, I'm okay. I just got lost in thoughts for a second… Just out of curiosity, how old are you?"

Before Dash could answer, Jarvis interrupted "Ms. Potts, there is a crowd of reporters on the lobby demanding an interview with Mr. Stark and the Avengers. I'm afraid I can't stall them much longer"

"Oh, right" Pepper said "I'll be down there in a minute, Jarvis"

"Okay, for real" Dash says, slightly shaking "Of all the strange things here, this voice just freaks me out! Who is he? Why is he hiding in the ceiling?"

"I'm Just A Rather Very Intelligent System, Ms. Dash" Jarvis answered "You can call me Jarvis. Mr. Stark created me"

"Created you?"

"Jarvis is a computer" Pepper says "He runs the house"

Dash just looks confused at Pepper for a few seconds before laughing out loud "Ha ha ha! You almost got me there for a second"

"What's so funny?" Pepper asks, smiling herself

"C'mon! Computers are just machines with blinking lights that make 'beep boop' sounds" Dash says "They can't speak or think"

"It depends of your definition of 'think', but Mr. Stark did a great job programming my personality, if I say so myself" Jarvis says

"I'm sorry, Dash, but it's true: Jarvis is a computer" Pepper says "A very advanced one. There's nothing quite like him in the world and, it seems, there isn't anything like him in your world too"

"You're serious? He's a…? Wait… Oh, wow! My mind is blown!" Dash says "This is amazing! Your friend Tony created him? He's a genius! I bet he and Twilight are hitting it off"

While it's true that Stark had hit it off with a genius in purple, his name wasn't Twilight, his name was Bruce Banner, and, right now, he was brainstorming with the other Avengers for a way to bring his friend back.

"You can't have the Tesseract" Thor tells Bruce "I came here to stop its misusing by mortals. If you tinker with it, it will only cause more trouble"

"Thor, please, be reasonable" Bruce pleads "We can't let stay Tony trapped in an alien dimension. The cube is our only lead"

"You want to open another portal with it!" Thor insists "After all the trouble we've had to close it. I'm profoundly sorry Banner, but I won't allow it!"

"Thor" Steve said "We're not gonna let the Chitauri invade again. We're just gonna try to find Stark. If anything goes wrong, we have the means to close it now, remember?"

"Even if I agreed to it" Thor says, a little more open to the idea "How are you gonna reach him? Banner knows nothing of the workings of the Tesseract"

"True" Banner says "But I know someone who may have an idea"

"Intelligent sharks… Pirates…" Erik Selvig mumbled, soundly asleep on his designated room on the Stark Tower "Mathematician janitor… Dragon tattoos…"

"Dr. Selvig?" a voice came from outside the room, knocking on the door "Are you awake?"

"Glasshouse… Uh, what?" Selvig mumbles, waking up "Yes, yes, I'm awake. What time is it?"

"Dr. Selvig, I'm sorry to wake you like that, but we need your help" Bruce Banner says, entering the room "A lot happened this morning that we need to bring you up to speed, and it's gonna be hard to believe"

"Dr. Banner, please" Selvig said with a smile "After all we went through, is there really anything that could surprise me?"

"You have no idea" Bruce simply says

Still cleaning a few crumbs from her lips and beard (it was so weird to have a beard), Tony Dash entered the living room to meet the other 'people', as they called themselves.

"Hi, guys" they all looked at her, except for Steve who just turned his eyes away, uneasy. Thor had a look of confusion on his face; Natasha, of suspicion, and Clint was smirking. Dash was really feeling like an outsider (what she was) "so, uh… where's Bruce?"

"He went to talk with a friend who may help you" Natasha said "Where's Pepper?"

"She went to talk with some reporters who wanted to interview you" Dash answered "What's the deal with that, by the way? You guys are famous?"

"Yeah, kind of" Clint answered "We just saved the world yesterday, no biggie"

"No way!" Dash said "I did the same thing!"

Everyone in the room suddenly turn their heads to Dash, a quizzical look on their faces.

"You did?" Clint asks, surprised

"Yeah, and it wasn't even the first time" Dash says with a cocky smile, but then she scratches the back of her neck with a thoughtful look "But… we didn't have reporters wanting to interview us… in neither of the occasions. I mean, they did throw a party for us… Well, actually the first party wasn't for us, it was for Luna. And I don't know how the second party went since I got stuck here. Now that I think about it, nopony seems to care or even talk about how we saved the world afterwards…"

"Well, welcome to the world of ungrateful citizens" Clint laughed "There are a lot of people out there that think we are a menace and are trying to pin the blame of what happened in us"

"There are?" Thor asked, completely oblivious

"Really? Oh, my" Dash said "I don't think anypony would ever try to blame us for what Discord did"

"Lucky you" Natasha says

"We don't do this to receive thanks" Steve said with a serious tone in his voice "We do it because it's the right thing to do. And we'll keep doing it, even if the entire world turn their back to us, we'll never turn our backs to them"

"Oh, wow" Dash says, a little embarrassed

"Spoke with true nobility, my friend" Thor complimented Steve

"I hate to admit it, but the captain is right" Clint sighs "I joined SHIELD to make a difference. If I wanted recognition I would stay in the circus rather than become an undercover agent"

The doors of the room open, and Bruce Banner steps in followed by Erik Selvig.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash" Bruce says "You're here. That's good"

"That's him?" Selvig points at Dash, unsure

"I'm a her, actually"

Again, all the people in the room look at her.

"Seriously, nopony knows that?" Dash asks, annoyed

"You're a girl? Ha Ha Ha!" Clint laughs

"What's so funny about being a girl, huh?" Dash asks Clint, angry

"Nothing, nothing" Clint says, drying his tears "Tony Stark being a girl is hilarious, though"

Dash looked around and saw both Natasha and Steve trying to hide a smile. Thor looked as confused as ever. Selvig gave Bruce a worried look "You're sure he's not suffering from PTSD?"

"We're sure" Banner said "It's fantastic, but it's true"

"You know" Selvig says "If you had told me this a year ago, I would have send you to an asylum, but today… today, I'm not even sure what should be considered 'fantastic' anymore"

"It's a brave new world, Doctor" Natasha says

"Tell me about it" Selvig sighs

"Doctor? So, you're the one who can help me. You're gonna cure me?" Dash asks

"I'm… not really that kind of doctor…" Selvig answers "But, yes, I believe we may find a way to turn you back. Now, where's the Tesseract?" he asks Thor

"It's secure in my chambers" Thor answers "Are you sure you can handle it, Selvig?"

"Thor, it has been a long time since I was ever sure of anything"

"Hey, I just got an idea" Dash says suddenly "Why don't we just use the Elements of Harmony and everything goes back to normal?"

"The what?" Bruce asks

"The Elements of Harmony!" Dash says "You know, the ones that solve everything"

"I'm afraid we don't have these here, Rainbow" Bruce says

"Yes, you do" Tony Dash insisted, lifting her shirt "Your friend Tony has one, see?"

"Uh… Look, Rainbow Dash, I don't know what you think 'Elements of Harmony' are" Bruce says "but that's just Tony's arc reactor"

"Arc reactor?"

"Wait!" Steve says "Yesterday, Tony's reactor shot a beam to the skies! You remember that, don't you Thor?"

"Yes. Yes, I do"

"Do you think that may have something to do with it?" Steve asks Bruce and Selvig

"Couldn't it be just a malfunction on the suit?"

"No, no, no, no. Wait" Dash says "I remember! Yesterday, my Element, like, just blew up with light!"

"Well…" Steve says turning to Bruce "What about that?"

"Well, it seem we have a mirror event" Bruce says "Still doesn't explain what happened though"

"Howard Stark's notes about the Tesseract shows that he was trying to reverse-engineer the cube" Natasha says "He came up with the theory, but couldn't put it in practice. Tony could, though. He created a new element based on the Tesseract to replace the Palladium on his arc reactor. So, we have a connection between the cube and Tony's chest piece"

"And Tony passing through the portal may have activated something on the element on his reactor" Bruce completes the train of thought "Yeah, that makes sense. What do you think, Dr. Selvig?"

"Hey, you said you didn't have elements here!" Dash says, suspicious

"I think it's time we inaugurate the Stark Tower R&D department" Selvig says "Thor, bring the Tesseract. We meet downstairs"

"Jarvis, tell Pepper where we are and to meet us when she comes back" Bruce says

"As you wish, Dr. Banner"

An hour later, Pepper Potts arrives at the lab on the, still unfinished, R&D department. Everyone was there, including Tony Dash who was sitting on a table, shirtless.

"Is everything okay? Jarvis said…"

"Don't worry, Pepper" Bruce said "We were just checking the reactor to see if everything is good to go. We haven't started yet"

"Started what?"

"They're gonna connect me to that thing" Dash says pointing to the Tesseract

"What?" Pepper says "Is that safe?"

"Define safe" Selvig says "We're kind out of our comfort zone here"

"But… why?"

"We have reasons to believe that the Tesseract and Tony's arc reactor made some kind of connection yesterday which caused the brain swap" Bruce explains "We believe that recreating the connection will send Rainbow Dash back and bring Tony back. That is, if Stark really is on Rainbow Dash's body…"

"What do you mean?" Pepper asks

"Well, we can't discard the possibility that there is a third party involved, or even more than that. While Rainbow Dash got in Tony's body, Tony may not be in Equestria but in a third unknown dimension, and whoever he replaced could be in a fourth dimension and so forth. It's a coin toss. We can't be sure that this will revert anything. It may bring someone else here, while sending Rainbow Dash to yet another strange body. The possibilities are…" Banner stops when he notices the looks of dread on both Pepper and Dash's faces "I mean, the probabilities of that happening are flimsy… You know what, forget it. It's not gonna happen. I shouldn't have mentioned it, I was stupid, sorry. Everything is gonna be fine, you will see. Now, Rainbow, sit on this chair"

Tony Dash sits on the chair, while Drs. Selvig and Banner connect cables to her reactor and to the machine holding the cube. Pepper holds her hand "Be strong, Dash"

"Remember" Selvig tells Natasha while turning on the machine "If anything goes wrong, activate the 'fail safe'" Natasha, who's holding Loki's scepter, gives a nod.

"This could hurt" Banner warns "Ready?"

Afraid, Tony Dash tightens her grip on Pepper's hand. Pepper puts her other hand on top of Tony Dash's, caressing it. Dash looks at Pepper and gives a small smile of gratitude. Pepper feels an impulse to lean forward and kiss Tony, but she remembers it isn't him and she doesn't want Rainbow Dash to feel weird. Oh, Tony. She can only imagine how he feels, wherever he is. He must be just as frightened and confused as Dash is right now…

"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together" Rainbow Stark sang, while adjusting his science equipment "God, why I can't take this stupid song off of my head?"

"I don't think it's stupid" Twilight says, climbing down the stairs to the basement "I really like it"

"Oh, hi, Lisa Simpson" Stark greets her "What brings you down here?"

"Just checking on you" Twilight answered "Is everything okay here?"

"Yeah, this isn't the Stark Industries R&D department, but it'll do" Stark says "By the way, your computers are really obsolete, but then again, I'm surprised you even have computers here"

"And what do you know about computers?" Twilight asks him with a raised eyebrow

"Uh, let me see, everything" Stark says nonchalantly "I build them for a living. Well, not really. It's more like a hobby. I don't need to do anything for a living, being a billionaire and all that"

Twilight rolls her eyes. She knows she shouldn't judge a book by its cover, her friendship with Zecora taught her that, but this Stark guy sounds more and more like he's full of hot air. I'm a genius. I'm rich. I've created an element all by myself. I have a company named after me. All talk that he, so conveniently, can't prove. She doubts he's really all that. As far as she's concerned, he's another Trixie just buying time, hoping nopony will catch his act. Still, there's a slight chance that he maybe, possibly, perhaps, almost knows what he's doing, and even if he doesn't, he's the only lead she has right now. "So, what are you doing?"

"Just testing my stuff" Stark says, looking through a microscope "I need to be sure everything is perfect, so I can analyze your elements of stupidity and see if I can find what caused the mind swap and how to revert it. Easy-Peasy"

"And what are those?" Twilight points to some papers full of writings and drawings.

"That's what I need your friends for" Stark answers, grabbing the notes before Twilight has a chance to look closer "Don't look. It's personal"

"Personal? How can it be personal?" Twilight asks, suspicious "Are you trying to hide something from me? Because, if there's something you know about Rainbow Dash's fate that you're not telling me…"

"This is not about your friend. It's… it's a side project"

"A SIDE PROJECT?!" Twilight yells "You're should be focused on bringing Rainbow Dash back, not in wasting our time running errands for your side project!"

"Hey, calm down" Stark says "It's just something to protect me, us in case anything goes wrong. Think of it as a contingency plan"

"And what is this 'contingency plan'?"

"Well… it's uh… it's a suit"

"A suit?" Twilight asks, puzzled "How's a suit gonna help us?"

"Well, you see…" Stark starts but a loud screech makes him stop and cower behind the table "The Chitauri! They're back!"

"Owlowicious!" Twilight yells "You shouldn't be here! Go back upstairs!"

Stark raises his head to see a brown owl, flying back towards the stairs "What did you call that beast?" Stark has never been really fond of animals

"Owlowicious. He's my pet"

"You have a pet owl. Why I'm not surprised?" Stark says "Let me guess, the other one of you who can do magic has a cat"

"Yes, that's right!" Twilight answered, impressed "Rarity does have a cat. How did you know?"

"I've watched the Harry Potter movies" Stark answered "She didn't strike me as someone who would own a rat or a toad, so..."

"Who's 'Hairy Potter'?" Twilight asks

"Harry Potter? Oh, he's just the greatest authority in magic in my universe. Millions read his books to gather more knowledge about the subject" Stark says "He's so special, his Cutie Mark is on his forehead"

"You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" Twilight asks, annoyed

"Who, me? Never"

"THERE! Sarcasm again!"

"Can we come down now?" Applejack's voice come from upstairs

"What?" Stark says, looking at the clock on the wall "They're here already? I said two hours, not 25 minutes!"

"Well, I called them as soon as you came down here" Twilight says "But if you need more time, I'll tell them to come later"

"Nah, send them in. The earlier the better"

"Okay, girls, you may come down" Twilight shouts "You too, Spike"

Soon, the four ponies and the dragon were down in the basement with Twilight and Rainbow Stark, and so was a bunny that the yellow one brought with her for some reason.

"Citizens of Candyland" Stark says mimicking a mayoral announcement "We are here today to help the honorable Mr. Stark in his quest to return home and bring our beloved Sonic the Hedgepony back to us. For that, the fantastic Mr. Stark will need you to do some shit for him, so—"

"Wait" Applejack interrupts "Ya want us to do stuff for you?"

"Yep"

"Like what?"

"Oh, you know, stuff" Stark says "I was about to get there, but them you had to interrupt my announcement…"

"Why would we help ya?" Applejack asks

"Applejack!" Twilight says, shocked by her friend's behavior. Applejack never refused help to nopony. There's something about Stark that really ticked her off.

"No, Twilight, I mean it" Applejack says "This Stark fella just comes out of nowhere, steals Rainbow Dash from us, insults everypony, all while talking about how fantastic he is. Why should we trust him? Why should we do what he says?"

"Because I'm the only hope you have to ever see your girlfriend back, Dixie Pony" Stark says "Now, could you shut up and let me finish?"

"Well, you'll hardly get any help with that attitude" Rarity says

"Look, I know you all don't like me, and I don't give a damn. Just keep in mind that the faster you do what I say, the faster you will get rid of me, and the faster you'll have your friend Lightning McQueen back. First, Daisy Duke" Stark says to Applejack "Here's a list of tools you can find in any farm, so you probably won't have any problem getting them on yours. You can read, right?"

Applejack just takes the list off of Stark's hooves, an angry look on her face.

"Okay, then. Now, Doctor Dolittle" he says, turning to Fluttershy "I need some raw materials, like iron, gold, or any other malleable metal. It's possible that there is a mine of it near your home. Use your vermin army to help you find it"

"D-do I actually have to enter the mine?" Fluttershy asked, slightly afraid

Stark turns to Rarity. "Okay, I want two things from you, Coco Chanel. First, Sugar Rush here told me you have some kind of gem detector on your horn. If you can adjust it to find metal, you could help Shrinking Violet on her quest. Second, here's an armor design I made. But, it was designed for my old body. Since you have so much experience tailoring for ponies, do you think you could, well, adapt this design for my new body?"

"Of course" Rarity says, grabbing the design that Rainbow Stark made "But… what do you need a suit of armor for?"

What do I need a suit of armor for? Stark froze. What does he need his suit of armor for? Because, taking that away, what is he? What can he do? Stark wouldn't admit it, but he's scared. He's been scared ever since those things arrived on New York. He barely slept yesterday to wake up on this fucked up world. Truth is, Stark has suspicions that he just had a meltdown and he's now in a mental hospital and all this is part of what's left of his mind. He's doing his best to not simply break down and cry, and that's why he needs the suit. Without it he's defenseless, without it he's nothing. And no matter how harmless and innocent this place may seem to be, he won't be caught unarmed. Pepper needs him. Pepper?! What if something happened to her? While he's stuck here in teletubby land? He can't protect her! IneedtodosomethingIneedtogetoutofhereohdearGod IneedmyarmorIneedJarvisIneedPepperIneedhelpIneed…

"Are you okay?" Twilight asks

"Uh… W-what?" Stark stutters

"You're sweating…"

"I'm fine, I'm fine" Stark says "What was your question again?"

"Why do you need the armor for?"

"Reasons" Stark answers, feigning indifference "Where was I? Oh, right. Last, but not least: Since they live here and have so much knowledge about magic elements and stuff, Hermione and Spyro here will be my assistants, providing me with books, materials, and, of course, the elements. Okay, everyone got it? Then, shoo!"

Rarity and Applejack leave the basement, while Fluttershy goes to talk with Spike and Pinkie Pie waves her hoof around trying to call Stark's attention.

Applejack tries to read her list, but her mind just keeps focused on Stark and how vexing he is. Applejack can't wait until they get rid of him, and get Rainbow Dash back.

Rarity looks at the complex design in her hooves. She has never seen anything like it. Such a maze of joints and circuits and, besides, she's a tailor not a blacksmith. She never made any type of armor. She sews not forges. Still, Rarity wasn't the type of pony who shies away from a challenge. Once she's done, Tony Stark's armor will be absolutely fabulous!

Pinkie keeps hopping and waving her hoof frantically, but nopony seems to be paying attention to her.

"Spike, do you think you could take care of Angel bunny while I search for the mine?" Fluttershy asks Spike "It would be too dangerous for her and I don't want to leave her alone"

"Why did you even bring her here?!" Spike asks "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but I really, really would rather not"

"Oh… It's okay… If you don't want to…" Fluttershy mumbles

"Yeah, besides Barney the Midget Dinosaur is my assistant, so he wouldn't have time for your bunny" Stark chimes in

Spike takes a look at Rainbow Stark, considering what assisting him would be like compared to taking care of Angel "Wait, Fluttershy, I've changed my mind"

"Oh, that's great!" Fluttershy beamed "Here, Angel, you're gonna be with Spike for a while. Be nice to him" The little bunny gave in a mischievous grin.

"Hey! We have work to do!" Rainbow Stark protested, while Fluttershy left the room and Pinkie Pie kept trying to call his attention.

"Sorry, Pony Spark" Spike said, going up the stairs with Angel bunny dancing on his forehead "I'm kinda busy right now… Ouch. Angel, quit it!"

"Don't worry, Stark" Twilight said "I will still be your assistant, and I promise you I will do everything you require to bring Rainbow Dash back"

"Whoopie do" Stark said "What's his deal with that bunny anyway? He seems kinda begrudging to take care of it"

"Spike and Angel don't always get along" Twilight explained

"Yeah, I know that" Rainbow Stark said "But what does 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' have to do with this?"

"HEY!" Pinkie finally yells, tired of waving her hoof around

"Yes? What do you want?" Stark asks

"What about me?" Pinkie asks "You gave tasks to everypony but me! What do I do?"

"I don't know" Stark answers Pinkie "Don't you have some musical number to rehearse with Sportacus and the rest of LazyTown?"

Pinkie pauses for a moment, scratching her chin, thoughtful "Not that I remember… I can throw a dance party if that's what you mean"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. As long as you stay out of my way"

"Oki Doki Loki" Pinkie says with a smile

"Yea—WHAT DID YOU SAID?!" Rainbow Stark yells

Both Pinkie Pie and Twilight stare at Stark, shocked.

"What? I—"

"What do you know about Loki?" Stark asks Pinkie, moving towards her, anger and suspicion in his eyes.

"Y-you're scaring me"

"How do you know about Loki? Why did you—This is what's happening here! It's Loki! ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES! Take me out of here!" Stark screams while shaking Pinkie "Are you hearing me, Loki? You take me out of here or else…"

SLAP!

Rainbow Stark falls back after being hit by a magic slap from Twilight.

"Are you okay, Pinkie?" Twilight asks, worried

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME WAS THAT?" Twilight yells at Stark

"Sorry, sorry" Stark apologizes, trying to regain focus "I just, kinda… lost it for a second… It's just that Loki…"

"She always says that! It rhymes with 'Oki' and 'Doki'" Twilight says "It doesn't mean anything!"

"IT MEANS SOMETHING!" Stark yells, but calms down almost instantly "…for me. Something bad…"

"I'm sorry" Pinkie apologizes "I didn't mean to upset you"

"It's okay" Stark says "Loki's illusions aren't this powerful. I just… I'm just really stressed. I don't know what's going on or what the fuck am I doing…"

"What's that?" Pinkie asks

"What's what?"

"That word you keep saying" Pinkie says "fuck. What does it mean?"

"You don't know what fuck means?" Stark asks her. Pinkie shakes her head "Well, fuck is… how I'm gonna say it… fuck is an emphasis word. It gives emphasis to words. You know what emphasis means, right? Anyway, you say it whenever you feel like it"

"I feel like saying it all the time!" Pinkie shouts "It's such a funny word. Fuck, heh heh"

Rainbow Stark chuckles "Well, what are you still doing here? Don't you have a party to arrange?"

"You're serious?" Pinkie asks. Stark nods "YAY! You're gonna love it! It's gonna be the best fucking party ever!" Pinkie Pie says and hops out of the basement.

Stark smiles. He hates to admit it, but he's growing quite fond of that pink one. He turns to see Twilight smiling at him, a knowing look on her eyes. "What?" he asks

"You're not that bad" Twilight simply says

"Whatever" Stark rebuffs, going back to his 'heartless, indifferent tough guy' façade "You know what's missing here on this table? The world famous Elements of Harmony. Now, go fetch"

Pinkie Pie pranced through the streets, thinking about all the balloons, confetti and cake she would need to make the best party ever! While doing this, she ended up meeting with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Applebloom (Applejack's little sister), Sweetie Belle (Rarity's little sister), and Scootaloo (Nopony's little sister) were the Crusaders, three young fillies who were inseparable friends (and, also, one of each pony class). They first met during Nightmare Moon's attack on Ponyville when they all hid under the same table. But they don't remember that. So, the "official" first time they met was during Diamond Tiara's party, where they rebutted the claims of inferiority for being the only ponies on their class without a Cutie Mark by saying that that meant they were filled with potential and, therefore, SO MUCH MORE special than everypony else who already have their whole lives and skills decided by some stupid mark on their butt. Later, they realized that that was just some bullshit they came up with to feel better about themselves, and decided to dedicate their entire characterizations to pursue a Cutie Mark.

"Hey girls, what the fuck are you doing?" Pinkie asked them, smiling

"Not much. Just going to school" Applebloom answered

"What is 'fuck'?" Sweetie Belle asked

"Oh, it's a new word I learned"

"What does it mean?" asked Scootaloo

"I don't know, but is a cool word, isn't it?" Pinkie said, and then pranced away, singing "fuck, fuck, what the fuck. Fuck, fuck, what the fuck…"

The three fillies watched in silence the pink pony bouncing away, before Scootaloo finally spoke "Fuck, huh? What do you think it means?"

"Maybe it's another word for 'buck'?" Sweetie Belle guessed

"You mean, like this?" Scootaloo asked, kicking the air with her back hooves "Yeah… I like to 'fuck'!"

Applebloom repeated the gesture "I like to fuck too!"

"Why, everypony loves to fuck!" Sweetie Belle joined them, kicking the air as well.

"The fucking season is when Applejack fucks all the apple trees on Sweet Apple Acres" Applebloom proceeded to experiment her new word "She fucks them all day long, so she can collect their apples"

"Rainbow Dash could fuck anypony she wanted!" Scootaloo proclaimed

"Diamond Tiara is so annoying" Sweetie Belle said "That, sometimes, I just want to fuck her!"

"You said it!" Scootaloo replied and the three friends fell out laughing.

"Pinkie Pie was right!" Applebloom said "This new word is awesome!"

"It's fucking awesome!" said Scootaloo

"Fuck yeah!" Sweetie Belle concluded

Still giggling, the three fillies ran to school, looking forward to teach their new word to all their classmates.

"What is this crap?" Rainbow Stark asks Twilight, after she drops five necklaces and a tiara on Stark's table.

"What do you mean what is this? It's the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight says

"These aren't elements!" Stark protests "These are jewelry!"

"These are the Elements of Harmony" Twilight insisted "Six magic gems that represent all the good aspects of friendship"

Stark just frowns at Twilight "God, I hate this place. I guess I'm not gonna need this then" he says, throwing the microscope off the table

"Is there a problem?"

"Of course there's a problem! I'm a scientist! I deal with facts! Not with magic gems that represent all the good aspects of friendship" he mocked "Like any of that abstract bullshit meant anything…"

"Excuse me!" Twilight said, slightly offended "Just you know that these Elements are the base of everything harmonious and good in the world"

"Oh, please. None of this so called 'Elements of Harmony' are a guarantee of anything good" Stark said "There's a reason why Evil Laughter is a thing. Magic is just a tool, like science or a knife, all of them can be used for good, and all of them can definitely be used for evil. Honesty can be brutal. Loyalty can be blind. Kindness can be stupid. And generosity… Okay, I'll give you generosity"

"That's a very cynical way of looking at things" Twilight says

"Well, excuse me, princess" Stark says "I'm afraid my world is not as colorful as yours"

Twilight sighs "Look, Stark, we both know magic isn't your field of expertise. That's why I'm here. You work on the science stuff; I give you my insight in magic. We're gonna do this" Twilight puts her hoof on his shoulder and gives a confident smile "Together"

Stark looks at her for a few seconds and then also gives a small smile "Okay, let's go to work"

And so they did. As she assisted him, Twilight was having conflicting feelings about this Tony Stark. On one hoof, he seemed to be as smart as he boasted, and it was kind of cool seeing Rainbow Dash working so hard and competently in an intellectual task. On the other hoof, he could be really rude and arrogant, and, as petty as it sounds, Twilight felt kinda bad for no longer being the smartest pony in the room.

Several hours have passed, and Applejack returned to the library's basement carrying a heavy sack on her back.

"I brought ya stupid tools" she says

"Took you long enough" Stark says without taking the eye off of his work "Leave it in a corner. If this works I won't need them, anyway"

Applejack gives him a look of contempt and drops the sack on the floor.

"…or just drop it there. That works too"

Applejack approaches the worktable. In it the six gems containing the Elements were removed from the necklaces and tiara, and positioned in line by hooks under the aim of a little lipstick-shaped device.

"What in darnation is that?"

"This, my dear Flapjack, is the key for the doorway to out of here" Stark explains "If my math is correct, and it always is, when I activate this laser, it will pass through all the gems, triggering and focusing their magic properties on the last element, the one that caused all of this, the Element of Red Lightning"

"The Element of Loyalty" Twilight corrects, annoyed

"Yeah, and then, the centralized energy will open a rift in which I will be able to cross through, and if everything goes as I predict, I'll be back home and you will have your gay parade mascot back. Shall we start?"

"Stark, you can't assume that this will work. The Elements can't be 'forced' to 'turn on'" Twilight says

"Yes, I can assume that" Rainbow Stark insisted "You said yourself that the red burst happened after all your elements' beams got connected. I'm simply recreating the event"

"But the Elements have to be used by us to work" insisted Twilight "They won't react if they're not worn by true friends who embody its characteristics"

"But it wasn't always like that" Stark remarked "You told me yourself: They were first used by your two princess who a) were two ponies, not six; b) probably weren't the embodiment of all the elements of harmony; and c) considering that one of them sent the other to the moon for a thousand years, I would hardly call that relationship friendly and harmonious. If it worked then, it will work now. Now, let's start this" Stark presses a button on the side of the 'lipstick' device which activates a laser beam.

The laser passes through the Element of Magic to the Element of Laughter, and then to the Element of Honesty, and then to the Element of Kindness, and then to the Element of Generosity, and finally, it hits the Element of Loyalty. The gem starts to heat with the concentrated ray of the laser. It pulsates. Applejack steps back, afraid. Twilight eyes widen with disbelief, while Stark smiles with satisfaction and anticipation. The Elements keeps glowing and pulsating, glowing and pulsating, until…

Nothing.

The gem stops glowing, while the machine cools down with a pathetic wheezing sound.

"Nothing?" Stark asks, incredulous "Nothing? Not a spark, not a rift, not even a spectacular kaboom failure? Nothing? NOTHING?!" Stark screams, enraged and frustrated. This was supposed to work. This was supposed to get him out of here. Fuck these magic elements. He's so angry and desperate he can't even think straight right now.

"I told you, Stark" Twilight says "It's useless. There's nothing in the books that…"

"You know" Stark cuts her off, irritated "that before there were books, there weren't books, right?"

"Yeah, well, duh" Twilight answers

"So, how do you think the books were written? By magic? Don't answer" Stark says "People, sorry, ponies needed to write those books, and they didn't have books to know how to do it! They experimented, they discovered new things and they wrote it down. That's how progress is made, that's how science is made, and that's how intelligent people find the solutions to their problems: by thinking, not by reading. But, I don't expect you to understand that"

"Wait a minute!" Applejack chimes in "Are ya trying to say you're more smart than Twilight?"

"Smarter" Rainbow Stark corrected "Yes, I am. But, that's not the point. I think even Hoppity Hoppity out there is more intelligent than her"

"Well, just ya know that Twilight is the smartest, most studious pony I ever knew" Applejack says "She always has the answer. There's almost nothing that she doesn't know" Twilight gives her a look of gratitude.

"Being knowledgeable and studious does not equal being intelligent" Stark says "A guy can read and memorize the entire Guinness' Book of Records, and that would make him knowledgeable and studious, but not intelligent. He may still not know how to do basic math. Someone who's intelligent can solve their problems by basic deduction and logical reasoning. Someone who's intelligent can apply the knowledge they acquired in previous experiences to solve a completely new problem. Someone who's intelligent can adapt to new challenges without help. Someone who's intelligent can think on their own. Someone who's intelligent doesn't need to read a book to know that a tree that just crashed through her roof and into her slumber party shouldn't be there!"

Twilight gasps with shock "H-how did you…?"

"How did I knew? I don't know. Maybe was those three hours I spent with Yappity Yap when she basically told me the entire history of this place"

"Pinkie?!" Twilight asks "But she wasn't even…"

"She wasn't even there? Oh, my! I wonder how she knew! I mean, it's not like best friends tell each other about what they did that weekend with their other friends, no sir, they never do it" Stark replied, sarcastically "See? That's a deduction that anyone with even an average intelligence could make, but I guess you need a step-by-step instruction book to follow through, don't you?"

"I-I… You…" Twilight stutters before running away, crying

"Look what ya did!" Applejack says angrily

"What? Destroy her little fantasy of intellectual superiority?" Stark replied, indifferent "The world is full of nerds who think they're so smart because they score straight A's in their tests and that they will become the next Steve Jobs, the boss of all the jocks that bullied them, but most of them end up as underpaid accountants in a dead-end job, because they only know what the school taught them, the old knowledge of others, no knowledge of their own, because they can't come up with new ideas thanks to their mediocre and creatively infertile minds. She should thank me for opening her eyes before it was—"

POW!

Rainbow Stark hits the wall, knocked by the strength of the kick Applejack delivered right into his face.

"So, you have the concept of violence here? That's good. This place was getting too sugary for my taste" Stark says, caressing the small, bleeding wound that opened under his right eye "You know, this will leave a scar. On the face of your friend. My face is still on my dimension, unharmed and handsome as ever"

"You're despicable" Applejack says

"You know what despicable means? I'm honestly surprised"

"Jerk" Applejack says as she leaves the basement

"Whatever!" Stark shouts to nobody "I don't need any of you"

You don't need them? Really? 'Cause it seemed to me you were kinda stuck with the magic thing until Twilight helped you.

She didn't help me! All she did was throw up all the information she had read. No ideas. No suggestions. Nothing. I could have got all that just by reading her stupid books. She was as helpful as a fucking Wikipedia article!

Why do you do this, Stark? Why do you have to antagonize every single person you meet?

She's not a person, she's a pony.

You always change the subject instead of assuming your own faults, don't you?

Whatever.

Great comeback.

Why the hell am I arguing with you? You're me!

Stark shakes his head. This place is driving him crazy, if he's not crazy already. Why did it have to be magic? He hates magic! It's cheating! It's infuriating! How is he supposed to find the answer, when nothing makes sense, when nothing follows the rules? Fucking magic!

Magic?

Magic! That's it! He was doing it all wrong! Even though he hates to say it, science is not the answer here. It's magic. The elements didn't respond to the laser beam, but they will definitely respond to a magic beam! So, all he needs is a source…

Too bad you made your magic generator run away crying…

Aw, crap.

Twilight sobs. With her pride wounded, she just stares at the sunset in the distance. How could things have turned this way? She was so happy this morning. They were going to Canterlot, and there would be a party, and her friends… her friends… she almost lost them yesterday, it was tough, it was painful, they finally got together, everything was fine, everything was good. They were eating, they were laughing. Then, Rainbow Dash gave her goodbyes… and never came back. Instead there's this… this… 'man', whatever that is, treating everypony badly, saying all those awful things, and Twilight needs to constantly reminds herself that it's not her, but… seeing 'her' doing those things… hearing those words come from her mouth… it… it hurts!

That's when she hears Rainbow Dash's voice. She almost smiles, before she remembers that that's no longer her voice…

"Twilight looking at the twilight. You know, that's kind of funny"

Twilight doesn't say anything, nor does she turn. She won't give him the satisfaction of an answer.

"Kinda poetic, too… No?" Rainbow Stark continues "Look, I… I need your help"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really" Stark says "I think I know what went wrong and I can fix it, but… I need you"

Twilight doesn't say anything.

"Look… I'm sorry, okay?" Stark apologizes "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but… I know nothing about magic. I'm completely, utterly stumped. In that aspect, you're the genius! I need what's in your head. Come help me, please. I'm really sorry I was a jerk"

"And?" Twilight asks without turning

"And? And nothing" Rainbow Stark answers "I already apologized. What do you want? You want me to say that I am a stupid fart face butthead? I'm not doing it. Now, suck it up and come help me"

Twilight just turns her head to shoot him an angry look, and turns back

"Oh, so you're not gonna help me?" Rainbow Stark asks

"That's a deduction that anypony with even an average intelligence could make" Twilight bitterly replies

"Very mature" Stark says "Well, if you're not gonna help me, I guess I'm stuck here then"

"I guess you are"

"…and I guess so is your friend, wherever she is" Stark says "It's very clear now why you're the Element of Magic"

"What do you mean?" Twilight asks him, turning her head

"Well, you couldn't be any of the other ones now, could you?" Rainbow Stark says "You promised me you would do anything I required to bring her back. You lied. You're dishonest. You turn your back to your friend when she most needs you. You're disloyal. You sentenced her to live in a world she doesn't belong, frightened and lonely, for the rest of her days. You're cruel. And you did all that because of some petty grudge you have with me. You're selfish. And, right now, you're also grumpy. Face it, Sparkle. Magic is the only thing you have going for you"

"How dare you?" Twilight says, eyes red with tears and anger

"Dare what? Tell the truth?" Stark provoked "You're a bad friend who doesn't deserve the ones you have. I can tell, I'm the same"

"I'M NOT THE SAME AS YOU!" Twilight shouts "You're a miserable little… You're rude, you're arrogant, you're mean, and it's obvious that you don't have any friends! Nopony could ever be your friend! Nothing you said is true! I always help my friends! I'm a good friend!"

"Then prove it!" Stark shouts back "Use your Element, your magic, and help me save your friend!"

"I WILL!" Twilight shouts and moves towards the library "But I'm doing it for Rainbow Dash, not for you"

"Like I give a shit" Stark says, following her to the library "You're still gonna do what I tell you to" He smiles.

One day, Tony Stark will feel bad for being such a heartless, manipulative bastard. One day, but not today.

"I may only have Magic going for me, but you got nothing going for you" Twilight says under her breath

As the two frenemies reenter the library, neither paid attention to the fallen stone statue on the yard…

…which was beginning to crack.

Author's Note

MARVEL FUN FACTS:

Doctor Strange

Stephen Strange was the best neurosurgeon of his generation, if not the best who has ever lived. He was respected by his coworkers, but not very liked. He was arrogant and cold, treating his patients like objects that needed to be fixed rather than people. Think Dr. House but without a sense of humor. Truth is that Strange would avoid emotional attachments at all cost ever since his little sister, Donna, died drowned and Stephen was unable to save her, and only got worse after he got into a fight with Victor, his brother, over his supposed insensitivity which caused Victor to leave his house furious and unnatentive into the path of a car which put him into a coma for years. This event filled Stephen with guilt making him even more distant and 'afraid' of personal connections.

Then came the car accident. Strange's hands were crushed and, despite all the efforts, no doctor saw any hope for Strange to keep practicing medicine. Eventually, Strange ended up unemployed, homeless and bankrupt, with no one that would help him because he had no friends, thanks to his fear of emotional attachment and treating everyone like they were below him. This almost drove him to suicide, until he heard rumors about a man known as 'The Ancient One' (real name Yao) who could cure anything using magic. Strange didn't believe in magic, but he was desperate so he took all the money he still had left and went into a journey to find the mysterious man.

When he finally met him, The Ancient One refused to heal his hands, but said that he would accept Stephen as his pupil to study the mystic arts. Strange was reluctant at first, but accepted as he didn't have anything left. After months of training, the Ancient One told Stephen, his 'loyal disciple' like he liked to call him, that he was chosen as his replacement as the new 'Sorcerer Supreme', the protector of Earth against the forces of Dark Magic.

Stephen was relocated to New York to reside in the Sanctum Sanctorum (that's Latin for "Holy of Holies", meaning "The Holiest [place/thing/person]"), which was part museum, part library of everything magic. It is also protected with spells to block unwelcomed guests. There Stephen was under the care of Wong, the last of a lineage of servants of the Sorcerer Supreme. Wong cleans the mansion, prepares the food, welcomes the guests, and do basically, everything that Stephen may require. He's a Housekeeper/Secretary/Butler all in one.

The most important item in the Sanctum Sanctorum's library is the Book of the Vishanti. It holds the most powerful White Magic/Order spells in the world. It can only be used for deffense, and to "fix" the effects of Dark Magic, never for offense. Doctor Strange have used the book many times to stop powerful foes. The book has endless pages (MAGIC!)

Strange would eventually create a team named The Defenders with the original roster of him, Hulk, Namor, and the Silver Surfer. During one of the new rosters, the team became based at Sanctum Sanctorum with Wong complaining that he had become "a second-rate Jarvis to a second-rate Avengers"

A Doctor Strange movie is rumored to be released in 2016 as part of MCU's Phase 3.

Oh, another thing. Do you know who was the very first villain that Doctor Strange faced on his very first appearence in comics?

His name was Nightmare.

Doctor Strange, Wong, The Ancient One, Nightmare, and the Sanctum Sanctorum debuted in Strange Tales #110 in July, 1963.