Chapters “I can’t take it anymore! We’ve never had to stay here this long! All this waiting is driving me insane!” Rarity said, feeling as though she wanted to cry but holding back so as not to cause her makeup to run.
“Tell me about it,” Rainbow Dash said. “This is so boring!” She lowered herself from where she was hovering and lay down on the ground, rolling over onto her back.
“Oh, come on!” Pinkie said, “It’s not that bad.” She was sitting on her back legs and hitting a paddleball with a paddle that was tied around her hoof.
“We’ve been here for months!” Applejack said. “Maybe you can just sit around hitting that ball or watching paint dry or whatever it is you do, but I want to get back to my apple farm!”
Twilight sighed. “Do I really have to explain this again?”
“Explain what?” Applejack asked, still feeling rather annoyed.
“We can’t just ‘go back’ from the Hiatus Zone whenever we feel like it,” Twilight said. “We’re not allowed to leave until the new season starts. While we’re here, I’m not actually sure whether your apple farm even exists! Equestria might not even exist!”
“Oh, I knew that,” Applejack said. “But I can still say that I want to go back.”
“I don’t like the Hiatus Zone very much,” Fluttershy said softly. And there really wasn’t much to like – it was a dark, featureless place, lit only dimly and with the only company being characters from other shows who were just as impatient as them. Sometimes the Mane Six and Spike would try socializing with them, but it always felt a little awkward.
“Me, neither,” Spike said.
“Be careful what you say,” Twilight warned Fluttershy and Spike. “If the TV Police hear you saying that, they might throw you in the Cancellation Zone!” Infractions that minor were almost always ignored, but they were still occasionally enforced – a few years back, one particularly overzealous member of the TV Police had forced the cancellation of a woman named Sarah Connor’s show after she had been caught complaining too much. Sure, there was going to be another movie, but with a different version of her. The show version would forever be trapped in the Cancellation Zone.
“Not the Cancellation Zone!” Rainbow Dash said. “That place is definitely not awesome. I mean, look down there!”
The Mane Six and Spike all went over to the railing at the edge of the Hiatus Zone and looked down. The Cancellation Zone was a lot bigger than the Hiatus Zone, and it was a dull, grey place in which most of the inhabitants seemed totally lethargic and depressed. It looked like a thoroughly horrible place to be, and it was far enough down that it would clearly be dangerous for anyone to fall down there (yes, anyone – not everyone in the Hiatus Zone was a pony, after all). Sure, one of the pegasi could probably fly there, but why would they want to? Besides, even if they did, the TV Police probably wouldn’t let them come back. It still had most of the same residents, of course – there wasn’t exactly anywhere for them to go – but there were some new arrivals as well.
Among the characters that the Mane Seven (Spike included) recognized from previous times when they’d been forced to stay in the Hiatus Zone were Malcolm Reynolds and his crew, as well as the crew from Planet Express. The crew of Serenity were probably some of the longest holdouts in the entire Cancellation Zone to have not given up hope. Despite nearly ten years having passed, they still believed that they might someday escape. Planet Express was a more recent addition, though they had already spent some time there in the past and managed to escape not once, but twice! Even now, some of them were holding up signs saying simply, “Avenge Us.” One of them was even holding a “Save Us, Netflix! You’re Our Only Hope!” sign. Ever since hearing that Anakin Skywalker’s show had gotten another season there, they’d been pushing to get similar treatment. The Bluths had gotten the same, but the sign clearly showed the Star Wars influence.
“Who’s that over there?” Spike asked. He was pointing at an angry man who was yelling at three other men, one of whom was clearly younger than the others. “I think he was there last time, but those others weren’t.”
“How are we supposed to know?” Applejack said, leaning over the railing to get a better look.
“Careful!” said Rainbow Dash. “You don’t want to end up as a background pony!”
“Ha, ha! Very funny!” Applejack said sarcastically. “If I fell down there, I wouldn’t just be a background pony. I’d be written out of the show entirely! But that’s not going to happen.” Suddenly, a slight breeze blew her hat off, and it quickly got out of reach.
Fluttershy briefly considered going after it, but she was too worried about what might happen if she ended up falling into the Cancellation Zone herself. Rainbow Dash wasn’t afraid, though – soaring over the railing, she sped towards the hat. She was just about to grab it when an alarm went off. “GET BACK TO YOUR ZONE. GET BACK TO YOUR ZONE,” an invisible loudspeaker repeated over and over again. Suddenly, a grid of lasers appeared just a few feet below the point at which Rainbow Dash was flying. Forgetting the hat, Rainbow Dash swerved up just in time to avoid getting vaporized. The hat wasn’t so lucky, of course.
“Well, that’s new,” Twilight said as Rainbow Dash returned to her position beside the others. Referring back to the question Rarity had asked before the hat fiasco, she said, “And if I remember correctly, that’s Charlie Harper. He’s probably angry because he’s already had to stay down there for a few years without the rest of the characters from his show, and he thought he was going to be able to come back for a little while, but it didn’t happen. He must be taking out his anger on them now that they’re finally there, too.”
“That’s horrible. I hope we never end up in the Cancellation Zone,” Fluttershy said. “The Hiatus Zone is bad enough!”
“At least right now we know that we’ll get to go back to our world eventually!” Rarity said. Now that she was once again seeing firsthand just how bad things could be, simply having to wait for a long time wasn’t feeling quite so intolerable.
“And we’ll never let ourselves end up like them, right guys?” Rainbow Dash said, pointing to another group of ponies down in the Cancellation Zone.
“Right,” everypony but Pinkie said.
“Who?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, them! I know them! Rainbow Dash always dresses in style! Rainbow Dash always dresses in style!” And she kept on singing the song, causing Rainbow Dash to instantly regret having pointed the other ponies out.
Ignoring Pinkie, Applejack said, “That movie we’ve got coming in a couple years should help keep our popularity up, so I don’t think we have to worry about it for a while.”
The Mane Seven all backed up from the railing, having seen enough depressing scenery for one day. Pinkie was still hitting the paddleball. She interrupted her singing for a moment to shout, “I’m going to break my record!” and then went right back to it, bouncing up and down but managing to keep control of the ball, anyway.
“That’s nice, darling,” Rarity said.
“Excuse me, but do any of you know where we are?” Twilight asked.
“What?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You obviously know where we…” She turned toward the voice. “Wait, what?” There was a second Twilight Sparkle there. Rainbow Dash could even see both of them at the same time. Not only that, but there were second versions of all of the rest of them as well. Their doppelgängers must have come up behind them while they were looking down at the Cancellation Zone.
“Who are you?” the Applejack from the Mane Seven we’ve already been talking about asked.
“Two of me?” our Pinkie asked.
“I guess so!” the new Pinkie said. Then, in unison, they both started singing, “Who’s a silly pony? Applejack!”
“Not that again,” the new Applejack said.
“Tell me about it,” our Rainbow Dash said.
Returning to the real question at hand, the new Rarity said, “Who are we? We could ask you the same question!”
“We’re from the TV show ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,’” our Twilight said.
“Uh…we’re from the comic ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,’” the new Twilight said.
“Oh, I’ve heard of you guys,” show Rainbow Dash said. “But why are you here? The comic doesn’t really have a hiatus, does it?”
“It’s just a short one,” comic Spike said. “Our next comic – number 28 – got delayed for some reason. But that still doesn’t explain what’s going on.”
“Are you sure you’re really in a hiatus at all? I’m not sure a delay is the same thing,” show Applejack said.
“I guess it must count,” comic Applejack said. Show Twilight quickly explained the Hiatus Zone as well as she could. Both Pinkies finally stopped singing so that everypony could pay attention.
“Okay,” comic Rainbow Dash said. “But who made us come here in the first place?”
“Nopony knows for sure,” show Rarity said. “Or at least, we don’t.”
“How come you guys are in the TV Division, anyway? This part of the Facility is supposed to be for TV show characters!” show Pinkie said. Nopony was sure how she knew this, but now that the show characters thought about it, they really never had seen anyone there who wasn’t from a TV show.
“Um…this is where they…uh…told us to go,” comic Fluttershy said, finally speaking up.
“That’s weird,” show Twilight said. “It sounds like it’s not your mistake, but you might want to turn yourselves in to the TV Police before they think you escaped from the comic area-"
"Comic Division," corrected show Pinkie.
"-on your own," finished show Twilight.
“Why? What would happen then?” comic Rainbow Dash asked.
“You could get cancelled!” show Pinkie said cheerfully. Then, in an altogether more somber tone, “But you don’t want that to happen.”
“Alright, well, thanks for the help,” comic Twilight said.
“Hey, wait! I have some advice before you go,” show Twilight said.
“What’s that?” comic Twilight said.
“Try to have a more consistent moral standing from now on,” show Twilight said.
“I guess I’ll…keep that in mind,” comic Twilight said, not entirely sure what show Twilight was talking about. The comic Mane Seven walked off to find the TV Police and turn themselves in.
“You know, I kind of envy them,” show Rainbow Dash (who can go back to just being called “Rainbow Dash” now) said.
“Why’s that?” Spike asked.
“They’ll probably just have to stay here for a week or two. But we’ve been here for months, and we still don’t know when we’re getting out!” Rainbow Dash said. “And now that I think about it, why don’t the actual background ponies have to be here this time?”
“You mean Lyra, Derpy, and everypony else? I think they’re in some kind of special training session in the Development Zone up there.” She pointed vaguely toward the sky. “Probably the Character Development section. They’re going to get to be main characters in one episode of the upcoming season, and they have to be ready,” Twilight said.
“What about the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Fluttershy asked.
“I guess they must be there, too,” Twilight said.
“But aren’t they already sort of main characters?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes, but there's a rumor that they’ll be getting their cutie marks this season,” Twilight said. “Maybe it has something to do with that.”
“It’s about time.” Applejack said. “Apple Bloom would love that.”
“Sweetie Belle, too,” Rarity said.
“And Scootaloo,” Rainbow Dash said. “What? She’s like my honorary sister or something.”
“Hmm…well, I wish we could go to a training session instead of just sitting around here,” Applejack said.
“Actually, we did back when we were in the Development Zone, before the show even started. Remember?” Twilight said.
“Oh, yes. Back when you were named Twilight Twinkle and you were pink instead of the brilliant purple color you are now,” Rarity said. She seemed as though she was going to go on, but was interrupted by a sudden announcement.
“NEXT UP: THE MANE SIX AND SPIKE,” a voice suddenly said over the loudspeaker.
“He didn’t say the ‘Mane Seven,’” Spike said, slightly disappointed. But nopony else seemed worried about it.
“Do my ears deceive me?” Rarity asked. “That’s us!”
“YES!” Pinkie said. Then, after a pause: “I broke my record!”
“You sounded like a broken record when you were singing earlier,” Rainbow Dash muttered.
All seven of our characters started heading toward the exit door, eager to get back to Equestria now that it must be ready for them again. On the way, they passed a ledge with no railing, where a member of the TV Police seemed to be waiting for the okay to push Constantine over the edge.
“I feel sorry for him,” Fluttershy said. “I hope his show still ends up getting renewed after all.” Some students from Greendale had managed to get a reprieve from a similar situation multiple times, so it wasn't totally out of the question.
Finally, the Mane Seven arrived at the exit, chattering all at once and trying to guess what season 5 was going to be like. But as they neared the door, the TV Police cut them off. “Sorry, false alarm,” one of them said. “That alert was meant for some of your fanfic counterparts in another Division. There are a whole lot of them.”
“No!” Rarity said, crushed by this news. “This is the Worst. Possible. Thing!”
“It’ll be okay,” Pinkie said. She finally stopped hitting the paddleball, apparently satisfied with the record she’d achieved, and said, “Come on, smile! Actually, wait a minute. I know something that’ll make somepony else smile!” She pulled something out of her tail and said, “It’s your hat, Applejack!”
“How did you get this?” Applejack asked, taking it and positioning it back on her head. “I thought it got destroyed!”
“It’s a secret,” Pinkie said. Nopony thought there was much point in trying to convince her to say anything beyond that. She’d probably end up blurting it out at some point, anyway. In the meantime, they were back to the long haul, hoping they would be called soon so that season 5 could finally get into action.
Author's Note
This chapter was posted before the premiere date for season 5 had been announced.
Another day passed, and the Mane Seven still felt no closer to the beginning of season 5 and release from the Hiatus Zone. Though she would never admit it, even Pinkie was starting to feel a little down. After all, months of endless boredom could surely wear down anypony. She wondered if Discord had been conscious during his time as a stone statue and almost felt a little sorry for him. But, despite everything, she knew she had to keep her cheery demeanor up if she wanted to prevent her friends from getting too depressed.
“Hey! Do you want to see me do a flip?” Pinkie asked her friends happily.
“Not over the railing, I hope,” Rarity said.
“Well, of course not, silly!” Pinkie said.
“Sure, let’s see it,” Twilight said. So Pinkie jumped as high in the air as she could and did not just one, but three flips on the way down.
“Ta-da!” she said.
“I’ve got to admit, that was pretty impressive for an Earth pony,” Rainbow Dash said. It was impressive, but to tell the truth, Pinkie’s antics were getting a little irritating, not just to Rainbow Dash, but to everypony. Nopony would ever tell her that of course, but seeing the apparently endless cheeriness of somepony else when you weren’t feeling very happy yourself could sometimes get rather grating. It was fun at first, but as morale had continued to dip, it had begun to seem more obnoxious than anything. Once they were out of the Hiatus Zone and back in Equestria, they would surely be in a much better mood and able to more sincerely enjoy Pinkie’s hijinks.
“Hey, look over there!” Applejack said, pointing to a spot a little ways down the railing. An elderly duck and three much younger ducks had just been brought up on a lift, and two members of the TV Police were escorting them into the Hiatus Zone proper. Since there wasn’t much of anything else to do, the Mane Seven decided to go a little closer to see what was going on, but still made sure to stay back far enough that they couldn’t be accused of interfering in any way.
“Thank you,” they heard the elderly duck say in a Scottish accent. He was crying tears of both joy and disbelief, and hugging the nearest member of the TV Police. “Thank you. I never thought I’d see the day…”
“Alright, that’s enough. Let go,” the TV Policeman said gruffly. “Unless you want to go back down there again?”
“No, of course not!” the duck said, letting go immediately.
One of the three younger ducks, who were probably around the age of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, said, “Launchpad’s coming too, right?”
“And Webby?” asked another.
“And everybody else?” asked the third.
“Yes, we’ll be heading back down for them,” one of the TV Police said in exasperation. “But don’t get your hopes too high. This might only be temporary – if the new show turns out to have a separate canon, you’re going right back where you came from.” All four ducks fell silent and simply stared into space after that remark.
“I hope they do get to go back to their world,” Fluttershy said as the Mane Seven walked away from the scene again.
“I agree,” Applejack said. “It’s not every day that you see anypony get out of the Cancellation Zone. It would be a real shame if they had to go back again.”
“Yes, quite,” Rarity said. “Would anypony like to join the Cult of Smooze?”
“Would we like to…what?” Spike asked.
“I…I don’t know what I just – Lord Smooze will return and consume us all someday. Will you be ready?” Rarity said brightly.
“Okay, that’s creeping me out,” said Rainbow Dash.
“What is ‘Smooze’?” Twilight asked, her mind already racing to try to figure out what was going on. Clearly, somepony was making Rarity say these things somehow.
“Convert now and be saved,” Fluttershy said, and then covered her mouth in confusion and fear. After this remark, the rest of the Mane Seven started to unconsciously back away from Rarity and Fluttershy.
“Hey, look over there!” Pinkie said, pointing into a crowd of other TV characters.
“Over where?” asked Rainbow Dash. “No, wait. I think I see what she’s talking about.” Though several nearly identical pointy-haired men in lab coats and boys in yellow shirts were partially blocking the view, it was clear that there was another Mane Seven not very far away. Their Rarity and Fluttershy appeared to be passing out pamphlets to any characters willing to take them, and oddly enough, their Twilight seemed to be human.
“Do you think they have something to do with this?” Applejack asked.
“Possibly,” Twilight said.
“The Cult of Smooze? Anypony? We have pamphlets!” Rarity said. Though they were slightly too far away to hear her clearly, the mouth of the other Rarity seemed to be forming these words at the same time as our Rarity.
“Make that ‘almost certainly,’” Twilight said. The Mane Seven headed over there as quickly as they could, a few of them saying other seemingly nonsensical things as they did.
As soon as they were clearly within view of the other Mane Seven, they received a somewhat unexpected reaction. “Is that them ?” both our Pinkie and the other Pinkie said excitedly, and at exactly the same time.
“I think it is!” the other, human Twilight said. In contrast to what was happening with the others, our Twilight found that she wasn’t forced to say this as well.
“We’re, like, your biggest fans!” both Rainbow Dashes said, and the other Mane Seven came over to meet everypony.
“That’s…uh…nice,” our Applejack said. “Who are you, again?”
“And why are you making everypony else say those things?” our Twilight asked, not even trying to veil the suspicion in her voice. After so long in the Hiatus Zone, her patience was wearing thin.
“What? Oh, that. Actually, we kind of thought that might happen if we ever met you,” the other Twilight said.
“Well, could you please stop it?” our Rarity asked, already annoyed but trying to sound as courteous as she could.
“I don’t think we can,” both Fluttershys said together. “See, in our show, we kind of…talk through your mouths. It’s a long story.” Our Fluttershy backed away, wishing the forced vocalization would stop.
“The gist of it is that when we’re close to you, you say what we say,” both Raritys said. “We can’t help it.”
“That’s…a little disturbing,” our Spike said.
“What show are you from?” asked our Rainbow Dash. “I’d heard of the comic guys, but I didn’t think there was another TV show starring us.”
“‘Friendship is Witchcraft,’ of course!” the other Twilight said.
“Friendship is…Witchcraft?” asked our Pinkie.
“Yep!” said both Applejacks.
“Hmm… Why isn’t anything happening to me when you talk?” our Twilight asked curiously, addressing FIW Twilight.
“I guess it’s because Spike and I were still at the human high school when our current hiatus started. It’s been longer than yours, by the way,” FIW Twilight said, almost as though this was something to be proud of. “So I’m not really using your mouth, exactly.” There was a moment of silence, and then she seemed to forget about the apparent inconsistency. “But enough with the formalities! Don’t you know what this means for my fanfics?!”
“Uh…what?” asked our Applejack.
“There are so many more shipping possibilities!” FIW Twilight said excitedly. “Like…now I can ship Rarity and Rarity!” Without warning, she wrapped her arms around the necks of each of them and pulled them together. They looked at each other uneasily.
“I think you’re moving far too fast with this,” our Rarity said, wiggling out of FIW Twilight’s arms. “Though you do look ravishing!” The latter comment was directed at FIW Rarity, of course.
“Why, thank you!” both Raritys said. “But I couldn’t be with a non-Cult member anyway. Would you like to join?” She held out a pamphlet. “Fluttershy is the leader.” Our Fluttershy looked shocked at the prospect.
“Most certainly not,” our Rarity said. FIW Rarity seemed disappointed, but withdrew the pamphlet.
“Well, we should probably be going,” our Twilight said, trying to sound polite. Normally, she’d want to make friends, but something still seemed off about the whole situation.
“Wait! Don’t you want to know about the rest of us?” both Pinkies said.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m ready to go, too,” said our Spike. “It was…nice meeting you all.” He waved and turned to walk away.
“Wait, Spike,” both Fluttershys said as FIW Fluttershy walked over to the railing. “There’s something I want to show you before you go. Come over here.”
“I…think I’ll stay over here. There’s plenty to see over here!” our Spike said, not sounding very convincing but continuing to back away slowly.
“Hmm…then why don’t you come over, Spike?” FIW Fluttershy called to FIW Spike, and the baby dragon did so obediently. “Look at that!” She pointed vaguely toward a spot in the Cancellation Zone where several people in uniforms emblazoned with the Starfleet logo (though this was hard to see from above) were sitting together. However, she wasn't really indicating anything in particular at all.
“At what?” both Spikes asked. FIW Spike pulled himself up on the railing in an attempt to get a better look.
Without hesitation, FIW Fluttershy pushed him over the edge. “I pushed him,” both Fluttershys said simply, and FIW Fluttershy smiled with satisfaction. The rest of the FIW Mane Six (not including Spike, for obvious reasons) laughed.
Our Mane Seven were frozen with shock for a moment, and then the three of them with wings leaped into action. Soaring over the railing as quickly as they could, they raced against gravity as the alarm began to blare again – “GET BACK TO YOUR ZONE. GET BACK TO YOUR ZONE” – and the lasers turned back on. As they dove for FIW Spike, he flailed his arms and legs uselessly and looked absolutely terrified.
Just as one of FIW Spike’s toes grazed a laser, our Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and even Fluttershy managed to grab onto him and stop his descent. As they began to slowly carry him to safety, our Rainbow Dash called over the alarm, “Why would they turn on the lasers if somepony is falling? If you fall, you’re supposed to get cancelled, not…destroyed!”
“I think it’s our fault!” our Twilight called. “The lasers are probably meant to make it easier to keep the cancelled characters in, so that flying ones don’t try to leave! We must have activated them by flying over the edge! If somepony just falls in, they probably wouldn’t turn on.” She didn’t need to yell the last statement because they had crossed back into the Hiatus Zone and the alarm had shut off.
Once they set FIW Spike down, he hugged each of his rescuers in turn. “Thank you so much!” both Spikes said, tears coming to FIW Spike's eyes. In a way, it almost reminded them of the duck they’d seen earlier.
“I’m so sorry, Spike,” our Fluttershy said.
“What do you have to be sorry about?” our Applejack asked. “You weren’t the one who pushed him!”
“But she’s me,” our Fluttershy said sadly, pointing to FIW Fluttershy.
“She is definitely not you,” our Rarity said, glaring at the entire FIW Mane Six (not including Spike).
Now it was the FIW Mane Six who were looking at our Mane Six in confusion. “Why did you save him?” both Pinkies said together.
“Are you kidding me? He’s a valued member of our…uh, your group,” our Twilight said firmly.
“No, everypony hates Spike. He wouldn’t be missed,” both Raritys said. Both Spikes looked crestfallen at this, though FIW Spike expected it and our Spike knew that our Rarity didn’t mean it. Nevertheless, it still hurt to hear such a statement coming from her, even if it obviously wasn’t really her saying it.
“Well, we’re very sorry to hear you say that,” our Rarity said. “Spike is important, even if you don’t seem to realize that.” Both Spikes immediately brightened again upon hearing this.
“You really think so?” FIW Spike asked plaintively.
“Of course!” our Applejack said.
After the display of their horrible treatment of FIW Spike, our Twilight was liking the FIW Mane Six even less. “Who are you, really?” she asked. “I'm sorry, but I don’t believe that you could actually be an official TV series. You don’t represent anything we stand for at all!”
“Wait, you thought we were official?” both Rainbow Dashes said, and laughed. “That’s classic!”
“We’re an unofficial fan-made web series,” both Fluttershys explained. “We have our own canon.”
“Then why aren’t you in the Web Series Division? Or the Fanfic Division?” our Pinkie asked.
“The Web Series Division is being merged with the TV Division,” FIW Twilight said. “More shows are being released on the Internet now, so I guess whoever runs this place thought it would be more efficient. And we do spend time in the Fanfic Division, too – we just get shuffled back and forth every so often. We were actually transferred back here today.”
“Yeah, my daughter and the other Snooty Snark Evaders are still back there,” both Rainbow Dashes said. “And the Mentally Advanced guys, too.”
“I think I saw Catbug around here earlier,” both Pinkie Pies remarked. Since nopony was sure who “Catbug” was, this comment was ignored.
“Wait a second. Your…daughter?” Our Rainbow Dash was utterly perplexed.
“Uh…Scootaloo?” both Rainbow Dashes said, as though this should have been obvious.
“WHAT?!” our Rainbow Dash yelled. She paused for a moment. “Okay, this is just too weird,” she said to our Twilight. “I think we really should get going!” She began flapping her wings and rose to hover above the group.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, but I think we’ll be on our way,” our Twilight said. “And you need to learn to treat Spike better!” she added angrily.
Our Mane Seven finally started to walk away, but the FIW Mane Seven began to follow them. “My parents are babies!” both Pinkie Pies shouted.
“No, they’re not!” our Pinkie Pie called back, offended that the other Pinkie was making her call her parents names.
“No, they’re literally babies!” both Pinkie Pies said as our Mane Seven tried to walk faster in the hope of gaining some distance and losing the others in the crowd. “They were dead, but I brewed a time portal and now they’re alive! But they’re babies.”
Our Mane Six continued to walk even faster, but the others kept following them. Maybe they really were big fans – to the point of being members of the stalker variety. “I married my-“ FIW Twilight started to say, but she was interrupted by an announcement over the loudspeaker.
“NEXT UP: THE MANE SIX AND SPIKE,” it said. “OF MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC.” This clarification was obviously necessary due to the “Friendship is Witchcraft” presence in the area, but it also served to confirm that the announcement was actually meant for our Mane Seven this time. Upon hearing it, they broke into a gallop and the others finally gave up on following them.
“It’s not creepy!” was the last thing they heard, called out by FIW Twilight in apparent relation to whatever had been cut off by the loudspeaker.
“Well, that was certainly…something,” our Applejack (who can go back to just being called “Applejack”) said.
“I didn’t like them very much,” said Fluttershy. “No offense.”
“I didn’t like them, either. Did you see how they treated other Spike?” Spike asked. “That’s why I decided I’m coming with you!” This statement was clearly louder than the rest of what Spike had said, and everypony looked back to see that FIW Spike was still chasing after them, apparently in desperation.
Feeling sorry for him, the Mane Seven slowed down and allowed him to catch up. “Let…me…come with you!” he said, out of breath from all the running and with his hands on his knees.
Twilight glanced at the rest of the Mane Seven. “I’m sorry,” she said with sympathy. “Actually, I think we’re all sorry,” she clarified. Everypony nodded. “But you can’t come with us. It’s nothing against you, but you’re just not canon to our show. We can’t have two Spikes. The TV Police would never allow it.”
“But…” both Spikes said, “But I don’t want to go back with them.” FIW Spike was heartbroken – he thought he’d seen a chance to escape, but even these ponies wouldn’t let him come along.
“Well, we can’t leave you while you’re still sad,” Pinkie said. “Oh, I know!” She pulled a long balloon out of her hair and twisted it into the shape of Spike. “Look, it’s you!” She tried to give it to him, but it didn’t seem to help.
“You’ve just got to get your confidence up!” Rainbow Dash said. “Show them that you matter!”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” both Spikes said sadly.
Our Spike put his hand on FIW Spike’s shoulder and said firmly, “Yes, you can! Sometimes I used to think that I wasn’t important, too, but I am. You just have to show those ponies that you can be just as valuable a member of their group as any of them are! You can do it!” He paused. “Say it with me! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!” FIW Spike joined in for the last part of this chant.
“You’re right,” both Spikes said. FIW Spike had begun to perk back up and seemed to actually have a spark of confidence in his eyes for once. “I can do it!” both Spikes said one more time. FIW Spike thanked our Mane Seven again, then ran off to find and confront the FIW Mane Six. Nopony was sure whether he would actually have any success, but at least he would be happy for a little while.
“That was very kind of you, Spike,” Rarity said. “I think you actually got through to him!”
“Oh, it was nothing,” Spike said bashfully. “Now, let’s go! On to season 5!” Once again chattering with excitement, they hurried toward the exit of the Hiatus Zone, this time confident that the call was really meant for them. And sure enough, the TV Police who were guarding the door let them head right on by, giving them only a glance before returning to an argument with a man in a suit who seemed to be trying to use some kind of psychological technique to convince them to let him through a few months early. It wouldn’t be long before they would be back in Equestria…
Author's Note
Thanks to Sherclop Pones for creating "Friendship is Witchcraft!"
This chapter was posted on the day the premiere date for season 5 was announced to be April 4th.
But first, they had to go through the standard procedures that all characters must submit to before returning to their worlds, of course. Upon exiting the main atrium of the Hiatus Zone, the Mane Seven walked down a short hallway and emerged into a grey, sparsely furnished room staffed by several of the TV Police. One of them was flipping through a stack of pages on a clipboard. “We’re almost there!” Rainbow Dash whispered excitedly to the others, finding it hard to hold back her enthusiasm but knowing that she had to do it for just a little while longer.
Once all of the Mane Seven were assembled in the room, the Policeman with the clipboard seemed to reach the page he was looking for. “Names?” he asked simply.
Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but was preempted by Pinkie Pie. Indicating each of her corresponding friends with a hoof, Pinkie said happily, “Here’s Purple Smart! And Yellow Quiet! And…” The TV Policeman raised an eyebrow at the announcement of these names, and Twilight quickly interrupted Pinkie in order to correct her.
“What Pinkie means to say is that I’m Twilight Sparkle, and my friends are Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Spike,” she said, pointing to each in turn just as Pinkie had been doing. “We’re from the TV show ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,’ and we’re ready to start season 5!” Since the Mane Seven had already gone through this process in the past, Twilight knew what the TV Policeman wanted to hear.
“Well, that all seems to be in order, then,” the Policeman said, checking off each of their names on the clipboard. “Please proceed.” He gestured to another part of the room, where other TV Police were standing next to a large scanner that looked similar to the way a walk-through metal detector would look in an ordinary human world.
The Mane Seven walked over to the scanner and lined up single-file. “If anyone is currently in possession of any non-canon paraphernalia, please surrender it now,” one of the TV Police said sternly. Judging by the way the other TV Police were acting, he seemed to have the highest rank. “Transporting non-canon items beyond this point, no matter how innocuous, is strictly prohibited.”
“Nothing here,” Spike said.
“Me, neither,” said Applejack.
The rest of the Mane Seven replied negatively as well…until it was Pinkie’s turn. “Does this count?” she asked, holding up a black and blue ring-shaped disc. The blue rings toward the inside and outside were glowing almost as if they were actually neon lights.
"Where did you get that?” Twilight asked. Pinkie certainly hadn’t been carrying the disc around before.
“From Beck,” Pinkie replied.
“Who’s Beck?” Rainbow Dash asked, but before Pinkie got the chance to answer, the TV Policeman interrupted.
“Hand it over,” he said, and roughly pulled it away without even giving Pinkie the chance to follow his order. Then, into a walkie talkie, he said, “Check on the cancellation status of the Tron: Uprising characters. One of their discs just showed up in a canon check.”
There was a long pause, during which the Mane Seven were forced to wait silently. “They’re still down there,” whoever was on the other end finally replied.
“How did you get this?” the TV Policeman asked Pinkie angrily upon hearing this news. He brandished the disc at her.
Pinkie ignored the question. “Look, I’ve got this, too!” she said, pulling out a rounded green thing with white spots on it. “It’s some kind of mushroom.”
“Which of the Mario shows did you get that from? Did the Mario shows even have life mushrooms?” the TV Policeman asked, the second question directed toward his associates, who shrugged. “Give it to me!” he finished angrily.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll just eat it!” Pinkie said, and she did, gulping down the whole thing in one bite. Not willing to let defiance of this sort stand, the TV Policeman was about to order the others to drag her to the Cancellation Zone immediately, but they managed to change his mind…though not really for the better.
“Think about it,” one of them whispered to him. “She ate a life mushroom. So what do we have to do in order to ensure that she enters her world in her proper canonical state?” The lead Policeman immediately understood what the other was getting at, and smiled.
“Come with me,” he told Pinkie. It would be easier if she would come willingly, but he could get the others to apprehend her if necessary. Then he had an idea that would probably simplify things. “We’re going to have a party!” he said with fake enthusiasm.
“Okay!” Pinkie said brightly, and started following him. “Can my friends come, too?”
“No,” he said. Pinkie was disappointed, but continued to follow him anyway. Even she could sense that it wouldn’t be a good idea to defy him again. He opened a door at the side of the room, and beckoned her to enter.
“Don’t worry! I’ll bring you back some cake and balloons!” Pinkie said, looking back at the others. She could see the worried looks on her friends’ faces, but didn’t think she had much of a choice but to do what the Policeman said.
“What are you doing? Don’t trust him!” Rainbow Dash shouted. The Mane Seven (minus Pinkie) left their line formation and rushed to follow them, but the TV Police moved into action and blocked the way. The Policeman and Pinkie entered the other room and the door closed behind them.
“What exactly was that mushroom she ate?” Rarity asked the TV Policemen.
“It was a life mushroom,” one of them offered. “It gives you another life.”
Upon hearing this, the Mane Seven (minus Pinkie, of course) guessed what was about to happen right before it did. A loud, “BANG!” came from the other room, muffled only slightly by the closed door. A few moments later, the TV Policeman exited the room, followed by Pinkie, whose mane was now straight and dripping with a viscous red substance on one side. Her usual bright pink color seemed more subdued as well, in a way the rest of the Mane Seven had only seen once before.
Pinkie saw all of them looking at her in wide-eyed shock. “I hate this place,” she muttered angrily. Then she rejoined the others, who wanted to comfort her but weren’t sure how best to handle such a situation.
“Is that…?” Twilight started to ask.
“No, it’s Kool-Aid!” Pinkie said in an odd tone.
“Are you okay?” Fluttershy finally asked with sympathy and a hint of fear.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Pinkie said, turning away from everypony else.
“Well, now that that’s over with, does anyone else have anything non-canon?” the lead Policeman asked, seeming to be in a better mood now. The Mane Seven shook their heads, refusing to even make eye contact with him. “Alright, then just go through the scanner and we’ll make sure.”
The Mane Seven filed through the scanner one by one, none of them raising any kind of suspicion…until it was Applejack’s turn. As she passed through, an alarm began to blare and she froze in confusion. “What? I don’t have anything non-canon! I swear!” she said.
The lead Policeman looked at a screen on the side of the scanner. “Actually, it looks like you do,” he said with a grin.
“What?” I…the hat! Pinkie, did you take this from comic me?” Applejack asked. Pinkie was still turned away, and didn’t acknowledge the question at all. Applejack supposed that she couldn’t really be mad at Pinkie after what she had just been through, but that didn’t change the situation that she, herself, was in now.
“I wasn’t trying to smuggle it through! Honest!” Applejack said. “Here, take it!” She took the hat off and threw it to the TV Policemen.
The lead Policeman was fed up with all of the defiance that he’d been receiving lately, and this time he didn’t hesitate to say, “Well, it looks like someone’s about to get cancelled.”
“NO!” the Mane Seven (except for Pinkie, who seemed to be rather detached from the outside world at the moment) shouted together as the TV Police converged on Applejack.
"Please don’t do this,” Twilight said in desperation. “The show canon and the comic canon are practically the same thing! The hats look identical! Does it really matter?”
“Actually, the show canon and the comic canon are theoretically intended to be the same thing, but some fans still think they don’t fit together well enough. As long as a large enough number of fans feel that way, we have to keep them separate,” one of the TV Police explained, actually sounding slightly regretful.
“But you can’t just take Applejack away!” Rarity said. “Um…it would ruin the canon of the show. How can we have the Mane Six if there are only five of us?” Spike frowned at this, though he knew what she was obviously getting at. “We won’t have an Element of Honesty!”
The TV Police paused in their attempt to apprehend Applejack, who was bucking and generally refusing to go without a fight in any way she could, and looked at the leader of their squadron. “Take her away,” he said. “We’ll just have to find a replacement.” With a flash of inspiration, he took out the walkie talkie again and said, “Bring Sunset Shimmer to the TV Division as soon as possible.”
The Mane Seven (aside from Pinkie) were aghast. “You can’t just ‘replace’ Applejack!” Rainbow Dash said. “She’s one of a kind!” She flew as high as she could (though the ceiling wasn’t very high) and tried to dive at the TV Police, but was immediately met with a tranquilizer dart from the same gun that had finally been used to subdue Applejack.
“NO!” Twilight shouted. She finally tried to use her magic in whatever way she could to get them out of the situation, but it was no use. As she already knew from previous experiences here, unicorn magic either didn’t work outside Equestria at all, or was blocked by some kind of protection the Facility had against it. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Spike wanted to help, but Rarity’s magic didn’t work, either; Fluttershy was too afraid; and Spike wasn’t sure how he could. Pinkie was still silent.
The lead Policeman looked at the unconscious body of Rainbow Dash, chuckled, and said, “Congratulations, Spike! You’re the new Rainbow Dash!” Then, to the other Policemen, he added, “Take her away, too.” Around this point, Pinkie finally seemed to come back to reality, at least in terms of realizing what was going on, but she still wasn’t even close to her usual cheery self.
As their friends were taken away, the Mane…Five were paralyzed with shock, anger, and sadness. “We’ll…we’ll start a petition!” Spike said suddenly. “To keep Applejack and Rainbow Dash on the show!”
“Good luck with that,” the lead Policeman said, and then their friends were gone. Only one of the TV Police - the one who had explained the show / comic canon situation - stayed behind with the Mane Five.
After making sure that the others were entirely out of earshot, this lone member of the TV Police whispered, “I’ll have this case relayed to someone higher up right away. I have a feeling that they won’t be happy about this either.”
The Mane Five (except Pinkie, who was still feeling down in general) brightened at this news, but didn’t want to get their hopes too high yet. For all they knew, this Policeman was just setting them up to have their spirits crushed even more. But they complied as he led them to another room to wait for the arrival of Sunset Shimmer.
“Are you sure you’re okay, dear?” Rarity asked Pinkie.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Pinkie replied. The rest of the Mane Five were still very worried, both for her sake and for the sakes of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. They couldn’t believe what had happened – they had been so close to getting back to Equestria for season 5, and now…this.
Before long, the door to the room opened and Sunset Shimmer entered, in human form and seeming very nervous. The Mane Five didn’t exactly feel like welcoming her, but they didn’t think it would be fair to antagonize her in any way, either – after all, it wasn’t her fault that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were being removed from the show. “Um…hi?” she said tentatively. No one responded.
“I’m sorry. I really am,” she said sadly. “I mean, I’d love to join you on the show, but not like this. I know I can’t really replace your friends.”
“Why are the TV Police even letting you join?” Twilight asked, trying to remain calm but failing to remove all of the anger from her voice. “They only took Applejack because she had something from the comics, which are apparently non-canon enough to be a problem. Aren’t the ‘Equestria Girls’ movies the same way? I know there’s a separate movie me somewhere, so they must be.”
“Some of them were talking to each other on the way here,” Sunset Shimmer said. “They think Applejack’s cancellation was really just because of a power trip one of them went on rather than a real concern for the integrity of the show’s canon. And with regards to the movie and TV show canon being considered separate by some people, they think that letting me join the show will just get rid of the problem. The connection already started to become more acceptable after Rainbow Rocks came out, and if I appear on the show, then the last holdouts will probably have to accept that the movies and the show share the same canon.”
“But you’re still human,” Spike pointed out.
“They said that I’ll turn back into a pony as soon as we enter Equestria,” Sunset Shimmer said. “The writers will just have to throw in some explanation saying that I came back. Anyway, they’re supposed to be coming and getting us anytime now.” She couldn’t help but sound a little excited when she made the last statement, though the rest of the new Mane Six were no longer able to muster any enthusiasm at all.
Suddenly, the door opened. The new Mane Six waited tensely, expecting it to be the TV Police coming to make them move on with season 5. So they were very pleasantly surprised when they saw who it actually was.
“Hey, everypony! Did you miss me? The show wouldn’t be the same without the most awesome pony in Equestria, after all!” Rainbow Dash said, doing a spin as she zoomed into the room and then landed.
Immediately after this display, Applejack entered. “Guess who didn’t get cancelled after all!” she said, tossing a new, officially canonical hat in the air and catching it on her head.
The previously new Mane Six (minus Sunset Shimmer) experienced an immense rush of happiness at that moment. In fact, it was so intense and infectious that it even affected Pinkie – the joy of seeing her friends again when it had seemed like they might be lost forever was enough to shock her back to normal. Her color instantly returned, and her hair popped back into its normal shape so quickly that it shook off all of the red substance that had dried on it. “YOU DIDN’T!” she shouted, and everypony ran forward to hug their friends and to welcome them back. Sunset Shimmer joined in as well, though she had to fight back a slight twinge of disappointment upon realizing that she probably wasn’t going to be on the show after all. Nevertheless, she knew how much the Mane Seven meant to each other, and was actually glad that she wouldn’t be coming between them.
“How did this happen?” Twilight asked once the exhilaration of being reunited had died down. “How did you avoid getting cancelled?”
As if this was their cue, a tall person with no face (but wearing a suit and tie) suddenly stepped around the corner and into the room. “I put a stop to it,” it said simply despite having no mouth (yes, it – a “faceless” corporation doesn’t exactly have a gender).
“Slenderman?” Pinkie asked, wondering what he had to do with anything.
“No, Hasbro,” corrected the person.
“Are you the ‘someone higher up’ that one of the TV Police mentioned earlier?” Rarity asked.
“You could say that,” Hasbro said.
“Hasbro showed up just as the TV Police were going to throw us into the Cancellation Zone!” Applejack said. “In fact, it ended up pushing that member of the TV Police who…” She cut herself off, glancing at Pinkie and deciding it would be best not to mention what had happened, especially since Pinkie seemed to be back to normal now. “Who…you know…into the Cancellation Zone instead!”
“We’re not sure if it’ll actually do anything since he’s not a TV show character, but at least he’ll be stuck down there for a while,” Rainbow Dash added.
“This all seems almost too good to be true,” Twilight said.
“Well, the writers refused to write them out of the show and it would be a shame to waste all the merchandising opportunities that they present, so it seemed like a little executive meddling could be acceptable in this case,” Hasbro said. “Besides, the fans wouldn’t have liked the delay that there would have been otherwise. Speaking of which, this whole thing will stay behind the scenes, of course – the fans don’t need to know about it.”
"So who are you, really?” Spike asked.
“You’ve really never heard of me? Why, it’s because of me that your show exists in the first place!” Hasbro said. Everypony fell silent, considering the implications of this.
“So you’re the one who chooses whether to renew or cancel us?” Pinkie blurted out.
“Yes,” Hasbro said, and everypony fell silent again. “I control many of the shows on your channel. And your wings and castle were partially my idea as well,” it continued, nodding at Twilight, who blushed.
“Um…then if it’s not too much trouble, could you…maybe…never cancel our show?” Fluttershy asked, suddenly getting the urge to at least try to be assertive, but finding it difficult in the face of such a formidable being.
“I can’t promise that,” Hasbro said. “If your ratings fall too much for any reason, it’s likely to happen. But you have a movie planned for 2017, and its release will hopefully ensure that you and your show remain popular for as long as possible.” Everypony wasn’t quite sure what to think about this – the Mane Seven had always assumed that their show would be cancelled eventually, but hearing the being who was actually going to be responsible for it say so felt different somehow. Nevertheless, Hasbro had saved Applejack and Rainbow Dash from an early cancellation, so the Mane Seven couldn’t really be too angry at the moment.
“Besides, you don’t need to worry yet. A sixth season of your show is planned - it was just revealed yesterday,” Hasbro added. The Mane Seven immediately cheered up upon hearing this.
“AWESOME!” Rainbow Dash shouted, flying up a bit and hovering in the air. She just couldn’t hold back her enthusiasm.
"Thank you so much!” Twilight said. The others expressed their agreement.
Once everypony had calmed down, Pinkie asked, “If you control the shows on our network, could you bring back ‘Dan Vs.’?”
“There aren’t any plans for it right now,” Hasbro replied. “But ‘Littlest Pet Shop’ is planned for renewal as well. Its characters are back in the Hiatus Zone since their most recent season ended recently. And we’ll also renew at least a couple other shows.”
“That’s good,” Fluttershy said.
“What about me?” Sunset Shimmer asked, finally speaking up.
“You have a movie coming up, too,” Hasbro said. “’Friendship Games.’ After that, your fate hasn’t been determined yet.” Sunset Shimmer was both relieved to hear about the new movie and a little worried by the ominous sound of Hasbro’s other statement. “But the response to your recent web short has been good, so your future should be pretty bright.”
“Did her movie delay the beginning of our season?” Rarity asked. “No offense, darling,” she added to Sunset Shimmer. “I’m just wondering.”
“Me, too,” Rainbow Dash said.
“No, a different team was working on that. If anything, your season was held up by the transition from The Hub to Discovery Family,” Hasbro said.
“Oh…” said Twilight. “I almost forgot about that!”
Hasbro looked at a watch. “Well, it’s April 1st, and the show premieres on the 4th! It’s time for you to head back and get ready! Follow me.”
The Mane Seven and Sunset Shimmer all followed Hasbro out the door and down a series of blank grey hallways until they reached the door through which they used to enter Equestria. It was marked with the logo for the Hub Network, but it was boarded up.
“It could happen, only on The Hub,” Fluttershy said softly. And then they moved on, soon reaching a brand new door emblazoned with the Discovery Family logo.
“This is it!” Hasbro said. It opened the door and everypony looked inside – even Sunset Shimmer. Not far away stood Ponyville, where everypony else seemed to have already returned. If they squinted, they could just about see Derpy hovering over one of the taller buildings.
“Well, I hope to see you again,” Sunset Shimmer said. The Mane Seven agreed.
“But under better circumstances next time, I hope!” Applejack said. Sunset Shimmer smiled.
“I’d better go make sure the premiere will be ready for Babscon,” Hasbro said to itself, checking its watch again, and it turned to leave. “Enjoy season 5!” It walked away, and Sunset Shimmer followed.
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Rarity said. “If we’re just going to get cancelled someday, anyway, then does what we do while our show is running really matter?”
The rest of the Mane Seven thought for a while. “Well, the fans think so!” Twilight finally said. “And I guess we just have to think so, too!”
“She’s right,” said Pinkie Pie. “Even I’m afraid of being cancelled someday, but we can’t go through the season feeling worried all the time! We’ve got to keep our spirits up and SMILE! Now, come on everypony! Let’s go!”
With this encouragement, the Mane Seven finally filed through the door and into Equestria. Looking back, they saw that the door had already disappeared.
Then they looked at each other and grinned. Just being back in their home world was enough to cheer them up, with all of their worries and bad memories of the Hiatus Zone and the Facility already beginning to fade away.
“Race you to Twilight’s castle!” Rainbow Dash called, zooming ahead.
“Hey, no fair!” Spike said. Twilight beckoned for him to climb on her back and everypony started running or flying to Ponyville as quickly as they could, finally back to laughing and chattering in excitement together as they did.
“Season 5 is going to be so AWESOME!” Rainbow Dash shouted. And it was.
Author's Note
This chapter was posted on April 1st, because why not? ;)
Some Minor Inconsistencies
It was almost a shame that they didn’t get to experience it.
As the Mane Seven neared Ponyville, something very strange occurred. For just a split second, it was as if the entire world flickered, the light coming from all around extinguished and replaced with pitch-black darkness, only to be returned to normal almost immediately.
Upon seeing this, the Mane Seven slowed their previously carefree sprint. “Did you see that?” Applejack asked. The Mane Seven (minus Spike) nodded, not sure what to think.
“See what?” Spike asked. He had blinked at just the right moment and thus hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.
“Everything just got dark for a second,” Twilight said. “But it was so quick that I don’t think even Celestia and Luna could have caused it.”
“Maybe it was Discord?” Rarity suggested.
“No, he’s our friend now, remember?” Fluttershy said.
“Yeah, it would probably be lazy writing to make him a villain again after everything that’s happened,” Rainbow Dash said. She had rejoined the others after seeing the darkness as well.
“Well, we are about to start season 5,” Applejack said. “Maybe the writers are running out of ideas?”
“No way!” Pinkie said. She was sure the writers could think of lots more great ideas for years to come. “Besides, there’s no chocolate rain!” Pinkie said, looking up at the sky and feeling somewhat disappointed to see that it was clear.
The Mane Seven continued walking toward Ponyville, a little uneasy now but still feeling pretty excited to see what was going to come next. Surely this must simply be going to lead into the premiere episode somehow - it would be starting very soon, after all. However, their doubts began to grow when the flickering happened again, and then continued to occur with increasing frequency as they got ever closer to the town.
Finally, when they were only a few yards away, the periods of darkness were coming so often that they were almost overpowering the periods of normalcy. “After you,” Rarity said, gesturing hesitantly toward the town they could now only see less than half the time.
When nopony else took the initiative, Rainbow Dash drew in a deep breath, then flew into Ponyville. The instant her outstretched hoof entered the town, the darkness became complete. With growing horror, they experienced a peculiar sensation, almost as though they were falling.
“Damn it!” a voice shouted, followed by a bang not unlike that which might have been heard if someone had just hit something in anger.
“Emergency Protocol initiated. Emergency Protocol initiated,” a voice repeated over the loudspeaker.
And then the Mane Seven opened their eyes. Their surroundings were pitch black at first, but after a few seconds, a dim light began to shine throughout the area. But it was not from the Sun, nor from the Moon, but from lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling.
For a moment, none of the Mane Seven could even comprehend what was happening. Where were they?! This couldn’t possibly be part of the season...could it? Why...why couldn’t they move?
The answer to the final question quickly grew obvious as the room became more brightly lit. Each and every one of the Mane Seven was strapped upright into a chair, with all four hooves (or wrists and ankles, in Spike’s case) pinned down. There was also a strange pressure near the tops of their heads, and as they turned their heads to glance at the others, it was clear that some sort of device had been clamped onto each of them. It was also clear that these chairs had not been built with pony comfort in mind - they seemed better-suited for humanoid creatures.
After the initial period of extreme shock and confusion had died down, they began to panic. Whatever was happening to them seemed even worse than being in the Cancellation Zone - at least if they'd been there, they still could have moved around freely. But this...this was just horrible. All seven of them struggled against their bonds, but it was useless. They tried to call for help, but no one seemed to be listening. There was nothing much to do other than surveying their surroundings, which seemed to be mainly made up of walls lined with complicated-looking computer equipment.
Finally, someone stepped into the room, entering through a door that was almost hidden among all of the computers. It was a member of the TV Police. “Well, this is awkward,” he said. The Mane Seven all began to protest at once. After considering for a moment, he said, "Be quiet - all of you! Unless you want one of these." He held up several pieces of cloth which the Mane Seven realized must be gags. Everypony grew silent, but they were still panicking inside. Seeming satisfied, the TV Policeman said, "Twilight may speak. But only Twilight."
After looking back and forth at her friends, who nodded to her, she shouted, “WHAT IS GOING ON?! My friends and I were just going to Ponyville to start season 5! We didn’t do anything wrong! What are you doing to us?!” She was trying to hold back tears but finding it difficult.
The TV Policeman surveyed the Mane Seven thoughtfully, as if trying to decide what to say. Finally, he said, “Could you introduce yourself to me, please?”
Not understanding what this was supposed to accomplish, Twilight complied, crying, “Twilight Sparkle! The Princess of Friendship!”
“And what form of media are you from?” the TV Policeman asked.
“‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’!” Twilight asserted. “The TV show!”
“Okay, here’s the thing,” the TV Policeman said. “You’re right...but you’re also wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, actually managing to calm down a little. The part of her that was hungry for knowledge was starting to come to the forefront. “Of course we’re from the show!”
The TV Policeman sighed. “You used to be from the show. But it’s going to be cancelled.” Upon hearing this, the Mane Seven struggled even harder against their bonds (with the exception of Twilight, who was merely becoming more curious). Rainbow Dash opened her mouth as if to speak, but the TV Policeman held up the gags and she closed it again.
“Cancelled? But the premiere of season 5 was just about to air! Hasbro even said we’d been renewed for a sixth season! That doesn’t make any sense!” Twilight said.
“What if I told you that you already experienced season 5? That you already experienced the 2017 movie? That, from your perspective, the show has already been cancelled?” the TV Policeman said.
“I’d say what I’ve already been saying,” Twilight said. “That doesn’t make any sense!” What was the TV Policeman trying to accomplish by suggesting things that were clearly not true? Was this supposed to be some kind of psychological torture?
“Okay, maybe I should go back a little,” the TV Policeman said. “You know about the Hiatus Zone and the Cancellation Zone, right?” Twilight nodded. Her friends had stopped struggling and were now listening as well.
“Well, The Hiatus Zone still exists, but we recently got rid of the Cancellation Zone,” the TV Policeman said. Twilight seemed as though she was going to interrupt, but the man gestured for her to be silent. “You see, though they didn’t know about the Zone itself, some fans were unhappy with the treatment of cancelled shows, movie series, and so on. Within the Facility, there were also some internal debates about whether anything should even be considered to be ‘cancelled’ if it had reached its intended completion point - for example, shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender or How I Met Your Mother.” He paused.
“Go on,” Twilight said, intrigued despite herself but wishing that the Policeman would let her friends talk, too.
“Hmm...I believe you know about the Fanfic Division as well?” the TV Policeman asked.
“Yes…,” Twilight said. “The Friendship is Witchcraft versions of us said they had to be there sometimes.”
“Of course. Well, the Fanfic Division was getting a little out-of-hand. There were just too many different canons for us to keep track of. The Development Zone was having a hard time keeping up with the demand for all of the different versions of the characters. There must have been thousands of versions of you alone!” the TV Policeman said.
“Wow,” Twilight said, wondering what they were all like. Then she finally decided to speak up: “Why can't you let my friends talk? I'm sure they have questions, too.”
“Not right now,” the TV Policeman said. “Besides, you’re all going to forget everything soon enough. That’s the only reason I’m even telling you this.”
The Mane Seven started to struggle yet again, but it was still no use. “What do you mean?” Twilight asked, her fear beginning to return (though it had never really left - it had just been subdued temporarily).
“I’m getting to that. Anyway, some of the higher-ups devised a solution that solved multiple problems at once. We would close the Cancellation Zones for every Division and simply reuse the same versions of the characters in the Fanfic Division. In order to maintain canon, we’d just wipe their memories of everything they shouldn’t know before they entered the appropriate fanfic worlds and we’d implant fake memories in their place if necessary,” the TV Policeman said.
“You mean…?” Twilight began. It wasn’t possible. Was it?
“Yes. You’re in a fanfic,” the TV Policeman said. “You’ve been in a fanfic this entire time. We had just retrieved you from the world you were in and were preparing to wipe your minds while running a short simulation of what might have happened next in order to pacify you, when a glitch hit the computer system and you ended up waking up.”
“But...what...how can that be?” Twilight asked. “I...I’d know if I was a fanfic character, wouldn’t I? No, I’m definitely the TV version of me.”
“You were. But now you’re in a fanfic,” the TV Policeman repeated.
“If we’re all in a fanfic, then aren’t you a fanfic character, too? How do we know we can believe any of this?” Twilight asked. She was trying to think rationally, but having some trouble doing so.
“Yes, due to the Emergency Protocol that was activated as you woke up, this room has been designated as a temporary fanfic world and a new chapter is being tacked onto what was originally intended to be the ending of your story,” the TV Policeman said. “So I suppose I am a fanfic character, too. But that doesn’t make me any less real anymore than it makes you any less real.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I still don’t understand how we could have been in a fanfic all along,” Twilight said.
“Think back. Was there really nothing that seemed inconsistent or wrong to you? How about Pinkie’s antics? When could she have taken the other Applejack’s hat? How could she have gotten items from the Cancellation Zone without ever going there?” the TV Policeman asked.
“We thought that was just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie…” Twilight said uncertainly. Pinkie nodded.
“Wrong.” the TV Policeman said. He considered something for a moment. “How about this? Here’s a real doozy: when you met the Friendship is Witchcraft characters, their Twilight was a human, right? Because she and Spike had been in the human world last?” Twilight nodded and the TV Policeman took a dramatic pause, continuing after a moment by asking, “Then why wasn’t their Spike a dog?! ”
“He was a drag...he was...he should have…” Twilight was rendered nearly speechless. Now that she thought about it, that really didn’t make sense. Unless… “Maybe that’s just how things were in their world?” she asked weakly.
“Wrong again,” the TV Policeman said. “The author made a mistake. That's the sort of thing that quality control would almost certainly have corrected if it happened in an official form of media, but the only editor the author had in this case was himself. He messed up. Besides, if you were really in the Facility proper at the time, you wouldn’t have had an author at all.”
“But…” Twilight said. Even after this revelation, she was having a hard time coming to terms with the situation.
“How about one more thing?” the TV Policeman said. “If you aren’t in a fanfic right now, then that should mean you’re not currently in any form of media, correct? You’re just in the Facility?” Twilight hesitated, but agreed. The TV Policeman paused again. “Then describe what I look like.”
“You’re...a TV Policeman,” Twilight said. “A member of the TV Police.”
“And…?” the TV Policeman said.
“And...you’re...male?” Twilight said. This finally clinched it. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t figure out how to describe anything else about the TV Policeman even though she was looking right at him. He must really be telling the truth.
“See? The author couldn’t even be bothered to give me or any of the other TV Police a proper description. Maybe he wanted the readers to ‘use their imaginations’ or something, but between you and me, I think he was just being lazy,” the TV Policeman said. “He’s still being lazy now, too. The reason I can’t let your friends talk is simply because the author apparently wants this to be a two-person conversation."
“So we’re really in a fanfic…” Twilight said. “But we used to be the TV show versions of ourselves?”
“Yes,” the TV Policeman said. He was starting to wonder how much longer it was going to be before the system would be up and running again (he hadn’t expected to need to stall this long).
“Then what happened in season 5?” Twilight asked. “And how many more seasons did we get?”
“To be totally honest, I don’t really know,” the TV Policeman said. “The temporal machinations required to get you here must have been a nightmare, but the fanfic you’re in now has actually been written right around the beginning of season 5. Another you - your past self, not an alternate version - just started season 5 this morning. I think there was something about ‘Starlight Glimmer’ and ponies with equal sign cutie marks.”
“Wait, what?” Twilight asked. Even to her, this was starting to get confusing.
“Please don’t even make me think about it. It’ll just give us both a headache. But, yes, you’re the TV show version of yourself from after the show was cancelled, and you’re in a fanfic that's been written around when season 5 started, okay? We’re not going to deal with sending you back, though. Now that you’re in this time period, we’ll just put you into whatever fanfics are being written now.” the TV Policeman said. “Of course, we’ll have to make sure you never come into contact with your past self.”
“But what if I don’t want to have my memories wiped?” Twilight asked. “My friends might not want it, either.” They shook their heads, still wishing that they could voice their own opinions but fearful of what the TV Policeman might do if they did.
“That’s just too bad,” the TV Policeman said. “It’s going to happen whether you like it or not. But I guess we could reinstate the Cancellation Zone just for you if you’d prefer.” Upon hearing this, the Mane Seven felt caught between a rock and a hard place.
When Twilight didn’t say anything in response, the TV Policeman continued. “If the author of this fanfic writes anything else, we’ll probably put you in there first. If not, then we’ll put you in something by someone else. But he’s written two other stories in the past - ‘Pinkie Pie Eats the Moon’ and ‘The Rainbow Pony’ - so it’s possible that he might write another one in the future. As soon as your memories are wiped, we’ll bring you over to the new world and you’ll be just as excited as ever.” He paused. “Honestly, this fanfic was an anomaly. I have no idea how the author knew so much about the inner workings of the Facility. Like I said, the Cancellation Zone doesn’t exist anymore, but the other details were oddly accurate. Although he did miss one thing - even back when it did exist, we always wiped the characters’ minds before they re-entered their worlds. It would obviously be a danger to canon if they remembered the Facility. So don’t worry - you’ve already had this done many times in the past.”
Twilight didn’t know what to say.
The TV Policeman was really getting impatient now. The system had better be working soon… “You know, it’s a good thing you didn’t stray too far away from where you were while you were in the Hiatus Zone. Due to budget and workforce constraints, we didn’t actually put every character whose show was on hiatus or cancelled into your story. A lot of them were just cardboard cutouts.” He winked.
The door finally opened again, and another member of the TV Police ducked in. “It’s ready,” he said.
“If...if we really have no choice in this, then how do we know we’ll actually be put into another fanfic?” Twilight asked, still highly concerned. “For all we know, this machine could do something else and that’s just what the author made you say.”
“Well, I guess you’ll just have to trust him,” the TV Policeman said, and turned to leave. “Don’t worry! You won’t remember a thing!”
The Mane Seven made one last unfruitful attempt to escape as the Policeman left the room. Then the devices on their heads came back on with a loud buzzing sound and everything went black.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed the story! It would be great if you could give me some feedback, whether good or bad. ;)
This chapter was posted on April 4th, the season 5 premiere date.
