Two Morons Vs Equestria... What could go wrong?

by ParradoxUniverse

Rating: mature
Tags: DJ P0N-3, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Octavia, Sex, Random
Length: 4035

When two teenish-adult authors are flung into Equestria what will they make of it? One crazy man and one calm man. Love and chaos will ensure!!! But what is really happening behind the scenes of reality?

So basically this is what would happen if my friend (Add) and I (not Add) went to Equestria, it's a bit overdone with the whole OC in Equestria but I don't have anything better to write about and it's easy to write about people you know closely. And who closer than myself and one of my closest friends... Rated M cause my friends swears like a drunken sailor when he's scared... And this will have pairing... And really bad plot (story plot you perverts!)
Enjoy!

Published 2015-03-03 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-21 10:14:15 UTC

A Bad Idea (Of many to come)

Everywhere you look there is balance: Nature, society, religion, family, love and friendship.
I believe that in every friendship there is a balance, one who is the calm to the chaos and the other who is the chaos to the calm. The Ying to their Yang, the white to their black and the fire to their ice.
What you are about to read may seem utterly fantastic and beyond what is possible even now, and you know what? You would probably be right. If not for the fact that it was true… Mostly

Chapter One: A bad idea

The two men eyed each other with a glare of hate, they each went for their weapons, one pulled out a shotgun, the other, a sniper rifle. Needless to say the shotgun wielder had a significantly large hole in his head in a mere matter of seconds, his blood exploding from his cranium and staining the wall behind him. The rifle wielder walked over to his fallen adversary, and crouched on top of him, a smug grin plastered on his face.

“You mother fucker! Don’t tea bag me!” screamed Add as he threw his controller at his roommate in a fit of rage

Said roommate simply caught the controller and gave a small grin in response, “I believe that is 0-25 my dear Mr Terra and you owe me a large pizza”

“Fine, but you had better eat it like the rest of humanity” sighed Add loudly, picking up the phone and dialing the number

“I always do” huffed Ryan, turning off their console and clicking all the bones in his body.

“No, you eat it like a rich snob” and then Add began to dance around the room flourishing his hands “Oh look at me, I’m Ryan Munn and I eat pizza with a knife and fork, I’m so sophisticated”

“The correct words are 'I am' not 'I’m' Add, you do know that, right?” Add just face palmed and ordered a pizza for delivery

(One deliciously boring pizza later)

“So… Wanna rematch?” asked Add with a yawn tainting his words and threatening to send him into a slumber that nothing but a bucket of cold water could awaken him from (experience)

“I am fine with my unbeaten streak at the moment, perhaps we could…” but Ryan was quickly cut off by a pillow that had hit him in the face

“I am not going to stand and let you try to shoot an apple of my head with your bow!” yelled Add on the verge of hysteria (once again, experience)

Now Ryan and Add had been friends roughly since high school, they meet in their first year, Ryan thought he was a bit immature but not a bad guy, they didn’t see much of each other in their second year but they sparked up a real friendship in their third. One thing lead to the other and they both were very accomplished writers, not award winning, but they had enough to get by with a little left over for a few luxuries. Overall they had a pretty good life; their publisher would call when they had an idea and they didn’t even need to leave their house, Add was in charge of groceries (delivered to the door) and Ryan was in charge of general repairs around the flat. They had no close family and despite Adds best attempts, had not been able to get Ryan a girlfriend, well, Add didn’t have one either but that wasn’t the point. And before you get any ideas, they are not gay!

Ryan was the more physically fit of the two, he was about six foot three and according to some of their readers: had a nice body, but he was very self-conscious of his appearance and made it so he was never showing more than his forearms and from his knees down, he had shortish brown hair that he was growing out simply because he couldn’t be asked to leave the flat and get it cut, Add on the other hand had a far more wild imagination to make up for his lack of physical ability, he stood at a smidgen under six foot, he didn’t particularly care who saw him and in what, he had light gray hair that still managed to make him look young despite it being a common sign of aging, he also has the maturity level of 69% as he put it, which is half the reason why he sometimes illustrated the stories the pair wrote.

They had a few other friends, but none as close as each other; they were thick as thieves and had never had a fight a pizza and a few energy drinks couldn’t resolve. And that brings us to the problem Ryan faces every day or night for that matter, he once made the terrible mistake of trying one of Adds energy drinks, long story short, Ryan now cannot sleep at night and passes out during the day… In Adds words: totally worth it!

So there they were, two friends who were living the dream, no health issues, and no money trouble. Yet, they were both very unhappy, not with each other, but with life in general, this feeling came when they had nothing to do, it was a perk (or a curse) of being a writer, if you had nothing to write, you didn’t have to do anything and the last book they sold made them heaps, so there was no rush to write another. The feeling only left when they were working together and crafting a new adventure, it was a rush as the characters sprung forth from their minds and ideas flooded out onto the paper (or in Ryan’s case, laptop), it was the feeling of pure joy as Add would say a plot twist and Ryan would have the will to kill off a main character in an awesome way.

But as I said, once they were done… Life just wasn’t very fun.

“Think fast”

Ryan didn’t even look as he caught a snow globe that they had gotten from a book signing in London the year before. It had a castle and the snow was gentling settling on the kingdom that surrounded it. A small smiled flickered across Ryan’s face as he remembered watching Add sketch that exact kingdom, a fan had made an exact replica of it and given it to them, they had given the sweet girl a signed copy of their book and promised to put her in their next book, which they did. Needless to say, she was over the moon when both of them appeared at her door with the first copy.

“What’s wrong with us Add? We’re both 23 years old and here we are just sitting on our asses” Said Ryan with a sigh as he threw the globe back to his roommate who simply nodded sadly and began tossing the globe up and down in his hand

“Yeah, but what are we going to do?” Said Add, going through the motions

“Absolutely nothing” Finished Ryan with a half sigh half chuckle, they both shared a sad laugh before descending into silence.

Ryan heard a crack as Add failed to catch the snow globe and it hit the ground, “Add! You dumb ass! That was a gift”

“Ah fuck… maybe we can fix it?” He said hopefully, looking at his roommate

“You mean, get me to fix it?” Ryan said with a raised eyebrow

“Exactly!”

Ryan simply rolled his eyes as he got up and picked up the cracked gift, but he noticed something odd now that it wasn’t filled with liquid. It still weighed the same, like it was still filled with liquid.

“Hmm, maybe the base is heavy?” Mused Ryan to himself as he got a nail under the base and the remaining glass

“What’s up?” Asked Add with a cup of coffee he had just made

“New record Add, twenty seconds to make a cup of coffee, but in answer to your question, I believe there is something in the base of this snow globe, we never noticed because we assumed the liquid inside it was what was making it heavy” Said Ryan as he worked his way around bit by bit

“What like a note or something?” Add asked sitting down in his custom chair

“It’s too heavy to be a note but I think if I can just get…” Ryan struggled to get the last little bit off, but with an effort it popped free and he wore a very satisfied smile. However the contents of the snow globe were of great interest, it contained a very old fashioned pocket watch, a coiled up bracelet and a note

“Called it!” yelled Add as Ryan pulled out the note, “Pass one of them here”

Ryan chucked Add the bracelet and took a look at the watch, it was a simple silver pocket watch with silver chain, it told the correct time and was actually pretty cool. On the back it had his name engraved into it with the numbers: 5/11 underneath it.

“I wonder if that girl made these for us.” Asked Add, as he looked at the bracelet in more detail, “No way! It’s got my name on it, cool. Wait, what happened on the 5th of…? Jan, Feb, may, June, Oct, November! November the 5th? Isn’t that guyfawks night?”

“It is indeed; maybe this letter will shed some light on the situation?” Said Ryan as put the watch in his pocket and unfolded the letter

It read:
Dear Ryan and Add
Before you read this I ask that you go and change into some very comfortable clothing and grab any vital items. Please do this now…

Ryan looked at Add who simply shrugged and went to go get changed. They both grabbed some comfortable clothes; Add was wearing a plain pair of jeans with a white top and a purple and black mixed puffer jacket. He grabbed a thermos of coffee and an XL can of his favorite energy drink. Ryan was wearing black chinos, a three stripped gray blue and navy blue shirt and a dark blue coat that came with a detachable hood, he grabbed his phone (fully charged) and his jet black custom beats wireless headphones (again fully charged)

“Wow, this is what we have been reduced to, doing what random messages in the bottom of snow globes that we accidentally break tell us to do” Said Add sarcastically

Ryan simply rolled his eyes and grabbed the note again.

The rest read:
Remember remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder plot was nigh. To a place far away you surely will stay, until the end of time.
Remember remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder plot was nigh, go and save their land or you all will surely die.
Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot; I know of no reason why the Gunpowder treason, should ever be forgot!
Take heed my friends, you are about to be sent on an adventure that will twist the very fabric of your mind and make you question everything you believe, but what you must understand is that…

“Well… We must understand what?” Urged Add

“That’s all it says” Said Ryan with a confused look, the letter was torn as it was about to start a new line.

“Maybe it was…” But before Add could finish his bracelet started to glow a soft purple, “Ahh… What the actual fuck is going on?”

Before Ryan could answer though, his breast pocket began to glow a soft black color, he carefully grabbed out the source of the light and found it was the pocket watch.
“Well this just got a little creepy” said Add as he tried to take the bracelet off but found it strapped tight Ryan also found that the pocket watch was now attached to one of his belt rings around his pants. But as soon as it had started, it stopped and the only thing left glowing was the button that opened the pocket watch.

“I wonder what…” Began Ryan before a wave of light burst forth from both items and struck together in the middle of the room, the last thing either boy saw was the other falling onto the floor, before darkness filled their vision…

Author's Note

So... That was a thing (God dammit Barb!)
Anyway... This might not have a lot of MLP in it right away but trust me it will in the next chapter. After chapter two though... I dunno, i might keep going but... I dunno?
Shout out to all my friends in New Zealand and just New Zealand in general!

My name is Parradox and thanks so much for reading :heart:

Bye!

Welcome to Equestria I guess?

Chapter Two

“Their gone?”

“Indeed”

“Then everything is falling into place as before”

“Exactly as planned”

“… Are we doing the right thing?”

“I cannot say old friend… I cannot say”

Both Ryan and Add opened their eyes expecting to be dead, under the circumstances, can you blame them? But what they found was completely different; they were floating downwards in some sort of white tube made of some kind of weird energy.

“Man, this has new story written all over it!”

Ryan looked at Add with confusion as he hadn’t seen him open his mouth, “Umm, did you just say what I think you said

“What! Can you read my mind! Oh man this is fucking awesome, we must be in like matrix or something” cheered Add mentally as he did a poor impression of Neo’s bullet dodging.

Ryan just face palmed and tried to swim/float towards the wall of the tube, but the closer he got the further is moved away, but the tube still kept its same proportions. He was about to ask Add before he felt the sinking feeling of gravity begin to take hold of him, a quick glance at Add confirmed that they were now falling for real. They tried not to scream… Keyword being tried.

However, the ground was only a few meters from them as they were blinded by a flash of white light, and hit the ground with a thud. It took a few seconds to for them to get their bearings but once they had they realized they had no earthly idea where in the hell they were.

A couple of girls were looking at them funny, but they ignored them after a while and carried on. “Maybe we’re in New York?” Offered Ryan, it looked like a city but had a very pleasant feel to it, also it wasn’t crowded and there was no pollution.

“Maybe, but that begs the question, how the fuck did we get to New York from Auckland!?” Add yelled attracting a few more odd looks
However, Ryan wasn’t paying any mind to his distraught friend, instead he was wondering three things, one: why are there no guys around here? Two: Why do all the girls have crazy colored hair? And three: How in the flipping fuck is that girl with a cowboy hat lifting an entire car with one hand!

Add had now just noticed this and was trying not to lose his shit, that lasted for about ten seconds before a girl with rainbow colored hair swooped in with a pair of fucking wings and proceeded to have a conversation with the car holding cowgirl, Ryan was only slightly concerned for his state of mental health as he watched the blue wings fade into nothing, Add on the other hand had somehow managed to get his hands on a cross and a copy of the bible and was muttering something about the spawn of Satan.

And just when things couldn’t get any more f’d up, a girl with gorgeous purple hair waltzed over to the cowgirl and rainbow flyer, now normally that would be totally acceptable, if not for that fact that her hands were glowing with a purple light and roughly six bags of food were hovering around her head wrapped in the same colored light.

“Jesus Christ” Said Ryan as he backed away slowly trying not to attract attention to them, Add proceeded to do the same before they bumped into something, fucking nailed it!

“Oh my apologies!” Said Ryan turning quickly and catching a cupcake before it hit the ground

“Hey no problem” And that’s when Add and Ryan first meet a girl they would come to love/hate.

“We are very sorry for knocking into you stall, we would buy this cupcake but I’m afraid we have no money on us at the moment” Said Ryan sheepishly, Add was trying not to smack the girl with his copy of the bible, he was managing… Slightly

“That’s fine, since you two are so cute, you can have once each on the house!” Cheered the bubbly girl with wink

“Thanks?” Said Ryan as she passed Add a cupcake, “Oh, I must ask what your name is?”

“Pinkamena Diana Pie! But every pony calls me Pinkie Pie!” She said with a giggle, both boys just raised an eyebrow at the odd name but kept silent as she waved them off

“Holy Christ… on a bike! This is unbelievably good” Cried Add as he took another bite of his cupcake

“I must admit for a cupcake, these are rather delicious” Agreed Ryan, with a small smile on his face, “Enough lolly gagging though” Said Ryan seriously as he pulled out his phone and tried to get GPS, however one glance told him what he feared: NO SERVICE! But something even stranger was happening with his phone; it seemed as if it was charging, despite not being connected to anything at all.

“Well we’re fucked” cried Add as they passed yet another store, but this one caught Adds attention. “Oh… A supermarket! I’m just going to check out the variety in here, you go on ahead and see what you can find” before Ryan could even say a word, his ‘friend’ dashed through the doors and he found himself alone in the street.

With Ryan

“What a douche…” Sighed Ryan to himself, he might as well have a little look around and try to figure out where they were without bumping into anymore law defying girls, well that lasted roughly twenty seconds.

“Well, what do we have here? Looks like a vampire decided to come out during the day” Came a voice from down a nearby alleyway, curious; Ryan poked his head around the corner and saw a blue haired female being harassed by two burly men. Ryan was seriously wondering if there was some higher power making bad luck for him as he strode towards them.

“Hey, leave the lady alone!” he said with as much confidence as he could muster, the two men turned in surprise but then smirked as they realized they outnumbered him

“Just keep walking dude, wouldn’t want anything bad to happen now would we?” Said the one Ryan assumed was the smarter of the two

“Well, I would but you seem to be making her rather uncomfortable and I have a problem with that” Said Ryan with folded arms and a raised eyebrow

“Please don’t!” yelled the girl before she was smacked across the face

“Hey!” Said Ryan taking a step forward, but the guy who was previously talking drew a rather large knife and pointed it at him

“You’d better stay right there mate” he threatened, Ryan wasn’t paying any attention to them, he was checking if the woman was okay, it was a rather weak blow but he had to make sure

“Hey, did you hear the man?” yelled his companion

“I don’t see any men, I see two little bitches” Said Ryan coolly, regaining his focus and getting ready to beat some ass

The first guy simply yelled in rage and lunged at him with his knife, Ryan on the other hand was far faster and simply stepped to the side, intercepted the knife, breaking the guy’s wrist in the process and disarming him. He then threw it and embedded it in the wall next to the injured guy’s head. Both stared at him with wide eyes and a little terror. He simply pointed down the alley and they were gone in under two seconds.
Ryan made his way quickly over to the lady and found that she was actually very beautiful, like drop dead gorgeous! But he then remembered where he was and simply refrained from saying anything that could hurt him.

“Are you alright Miss?” He asked the dazed woman, he couldn’t see her eyes because she had a massive pair of shades on but she seemed alright, just a little shocked.

“Thank you” She whispered softly before wrapping him in a hug that almost snapped his spine.

“Yo…You’re… Wel… Welcome!” Ryan managed to wheeze out before she realized and let him go

“Sorry dude! Don’t know my own strength some time” She chuckled and offered him a hand up which he gladly accepted, “Hmm; you’re not from around here are you?”

“That obvious huh?” Said Ryan with a raised eyebrow

“Nah, just don’t recognize you, and I have a pretty good memory” Chuckled the woman lightly

“I see, but where are my manners? My name is Ryan Munn” He said extending a hand

“Odd name, but it’s nice to meet ya Ryan! Names Vinyl, Vinyl Scratch!” Said the woman taking his hand and proceeding to crush it causing Ryan to wince in pain and lose all feeling in it.

“Sorry; again. How about I make it up to you and we go grab some coffee or something?” Suggested Vinyl with a smile that warmed Ryan's heart

“I’m not really into coffee” Muttered Ryan rubbing his neck as he remembered trying some of Adds espresso once, not his brightest idea.

“Well maybe we can…” Began Vinyl before Add came smashing out one of the doors leading into the alley, followed closely by a woman with jet black hair and wearing a pink bow tie

“Add!?” Yelled Ryan in surprise

“Tavi!?” Yelled Vinyl in surprise

“Run run run like a boss!!!” Screamed Add as he grabbed Ryan’s hand and proceeded to drag him down the alley, Tavi took hold of Vinyl and was sprinting alongside the two.

“What the hell did you do now!?” Yelled Ryan as he got into his stride

His question was answered as four armed men wearing what looked like armor crashed through the door they had just come through and began to chase them.

“Well, fuck” Said Ryan as he face palmed, “Only you could get us into this mess this early!”

“It’s not my fault! They were looking for me and you and Octavia here managed to buy us a few seconds and we got out, it was just by luck that you happened to be in the alley. Oh, by the way, this is Octavia! Octavia Ryan, Ryan Octavia” Said Gesturing between the two, however this introduction was cut short as the wall next to Add exploded in a shower of shards as they were shot at. This urged them forward and out of the alley until they came to a rather large court area that had a fountain in the middle. And then they stopped.

Not because they had gotten away, but because they found themselves surrounded by at least a hundred guards with nasty looking assault rifles and no way out.

Welcome to Equestria I guess?

Author's Note

Whats up guys! Parradox here...
Sorry this was rushed and is probably very bad...
Actually i know its bad but i wasn't meant to release it this early, but i really wanted to get the first chapter out but it did not have enough MLP content to get approved (Meaning it had none! But being the idiot i am tried to publish it right away!) but I'm hoping that this one will... Keyword being hoping...

My name is Parradox and thanks so much for reading.

Bye!