How Many Lunas Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
by theswimminbrony
Princess Luna was in deep concentration at the moment. It was her time to raise the moon for the night, as her sister had just finished lowering the sun. Since she hadn't been home from her imprisonment on the moon for even a year yet, Luna was still having some difficulty in raising her respective celestial body. This somewhat discouraged her, as she knew her sister would have no trouble bringing the moon up from its position across the horizon. She frequently had to remind herself that Celestia was technically a thousand years older than her, and thus had a thousand years more of experience with magic.
But nevertheless, it discouraged her.
After several minutes of deep concentration, she was able to bring the moon up to an appropriate height in the night sky. There it sat, hovering far above the clouds, shining brightly and illuminating the land. Satisfied with her work, Luna turned away from her masterpiece and walked into her room from the balcony she had been standing on.
Now was time for Luna's favorite part of the night. While Celestia slept in her quarters peacefully, the castle went from being a bustling center of politics to a quiet fortress. This gave Luna the perfect opportunity for one of her favorite pastimes: reading.
Despite her regal appearance, Luna was just as much of a bookworm as Celestia's student--what was her name again? Twilight Sparkle? Yes, that sounded right. She considered that maybe someday it would be fun to get a student of her own.
Luna pondered the thought as she searched the shelves for a new piece of reading material. Being banished for a thousand years meant that there were thousands of literary works that the Princess had to catch up on, and she eagerly awaited each night for the chance to discover a new adventure. They also provided her an opportunity to escape from the hassles of everyday life, which were only magnified for the Princess as she attempted to assimilate back into society.
Eventually she came across a piece of fiction that particularly piqued her interest--a book simply titled Moon, written by a stallion named Quick Quill. Luna was familiar with the works of Quill, and being a fan of the writer, she decided that this would be the perfect book to read on a night such as this.
And so, novel hovering in the air behind her, Luna made her way over to a very comfortable-looking chair and sat down. She levitated her reading glasses (half-moon spectacles, of course) onto her face from the nightstand that rested beside the chair. Finally comfortable enough to enjoy her favorite hobby, Luna decided that the last thing she needed was a little light.
Luna turned to the lantern-like device that stood next to her chair. Celestia had bragged that it was the pinnacle of Equestrian technology, being an energy source that never ran out, but Luna still held lanterns and candles at a superior position in her mind.
Now, how did sister say one uses this blasted device...? Luna thought, attempting to recall how to work the strange device. A small, dangling cord protruding from under the lamp shade caught her attention.
Ah, yes. Pull the cord, she remembered, smiling. Concentrating her magic, Luna pulled on said cord, expecting her room to be illuminated by light.
She was greeted with merely a clicking noise.
Frowning, Luna pulled the dangling cord with magic once more, with her results being just as ineffective as the previous attempt. Another frustrating click taunted the Princess.
How DARE the lantern defy us! she thought to herself. We must teach it a lesson in authority!
And so, Luna addressed the lamp with a stare that could have killed, and tugged at the cord with great effort once more. To the Alicorn's despair, this attempt was just as fruitless as the previous two.
Losing her temper, the Princess of the Night repeatedly tugged at the cord, only to be met with a taunting click after every attempt. She gritted her teeth harder together with each tug, growling at the lamp, until finally she decided she had had enough.
"Hmph!" she muttered to herself, defeated. "It seems that Celestia's supposed 'unlimited energy source' wasn't so unlimited after all. No matter. Perhaps she knows how to fix this issue."
Her mind set on beginning her novel, Luna set off to find her sister.
Celestia was sleeping soundly in her bed after a long day of work and political business. She had watched her sister raise the moon (which, to her delight, appeared to be taking less and less time each night) and then gone straight to bed afterwards. As soon as she hit the pillow, her mind had been grasped by the wonders of dreams.
All that, however, changed when Luna stormed through her door, blaring her voice Royal Canterlot style.
"SISTER! WE HAVE TERRIBLE NEWS. THE UNLIMITED ENERGY SOURCE THOU HAST SPOKEN OF HAS BURNT OUT AND REFUSES TO WORK."
Stirring slightly, Celestia opened her eyes a millimeter, wondering what had caused her to awaken.
She got her answer when Luna appeared right over her.
"SISTER!" she repeated. Startled, Celestia tumbled out of her bed and onto the floor below. Luna, however, resumed her position right above her sister's face and continued to voice her grievances. "THE LANTERN IN OUR ROOM HAS STOPPED WORKING. IT APPEARS THAT YOUR SOURCE OF ENERGY WAS NOT SO UNLIMITED AFTER ALL!"
"Wha...what?" Celestia asked, slightly confused.
"THE LANTERN-"
"Please speak normally, Luna," Celestia interrupted, aggravated that her slumber had been cut short by her naive sister. "What have I told you about using the Royal Caps Lo--I mean, Canterlot voice?"
Luna's eyes widened as she remembered that the traditional way of speaking had been dead for centuries. "R...right. We are sorry, sister."
Celestia sighed. "It's okay, Luna. Now can you let me stand up, please?" Luna complied by moving aside and allowing her sister to get back on her hooves. "Thank you. Now, what is it exactly that drove you to wake me up in the middle of the night?"
"The lantern in our room has ceased functioning," Luna explained. "We are here to inform you that your unlimited energy source is not, in fact, unlimited."
"What? The unlim-" she facehoofed. "Luna, the LAMP--not the lantern--just needs a new light bulb. Electricity doesn't run out. Trust me."
Luna cocked her head to the side like a curious foal. "Light bulb? Electricity? What are these things thou speakest of?"
"Please, no more of that 'thou' talk either," Celestia said, ignoring Luna's questions. "Just talk like a normal pony."
Luna lowered her head, stung by her sister's words.
"Sorry Luna, I'm just tired," Celestia said. "Now, about your...problem. Under the lamp shade there is a light bulb that carries electricity--that's the name of the power source--through the lamp. The light bulb is probably burnt out and just needs to be replaced with a new one."
"But how do we do that, sister?" Luna asked, still incredibly confused despite Celestia's explanations.
Celestia sighed. Her sister may be the second most powerful being in existence, but sometimes the simplest of tasks brought her difficulty. "First, you should take the lamp shade off. That's the covering that keeps the light from being too bright. Got it?"
Luna nodded. "Remove the lamp shade," she repeated.
"Yes. Next, you should see the light bulb. It's the round thing."
"Round thing. Got it."
"Good. Now, this is the tricky part. You need to listen carefully."
Luna leaned in to make sure she would take in every word Celestia had to say in this likely complicated and intricate process.
"You need to remove it," Celestia simply stated.
"Th...then what?" Luna questioned, baffled that it sounded so easy.
"Then you wait. I'll go and get a new light bulb, since you don't know where they are, and then meet you in your quarters."
"So all we need to do is remove it?"
"Yes. Think you can handle it?"
"We will do our best," Luna said proudly.
"Alright," Celestia said, uncertainty in her voice. "We will...er, I will meet you in your room in a few minutes. Okay?"
"Yes. We will eagerly await your arrival. Until then, dear sister." Luna bowed to her sister in a sign of respect.
Celestia raised an eyebrow at the gesture, but returned it nonetheless. The sisters then went their separate ways, Celestia to get a new light bulb, and Luna to her room, still somewhat confused as to what she had to do.
Luna hurried back to her room, eager to fix her dilemma. Now that she wielded the power of knowledge, there was nopony that could stop her--not even a lamp.
When she neared her room a few minutes later, Luna did exactly what she had done at her sister's room earlier. She kicked open the door with tremendous force and addressed the lamp with great gusto.
"LAMP! PREPARE THINESELF TO BE FIXED!" she roared. She didn't care what her sister had to say about the Royal Canterlot Voice. Old traditions were better in her opinion. Why change what had worked before? Bah. Celestia could be a spoilsport sometimes.
Confidence now high, Luna trotted over to the lamp and investigated it. Celestia had said that the lamp shade should be able to come off so she could get at the light bulb easier. Sure enough, there were a couple tabs on the lamp's column that kept the shade sturdily in place. With a quick turn of each of the tabs (using magic, of course), Luna removed the lamp shade with ease.
Easy enough, she thought with pride. And we were so worried about this. What could possibly go wrong?
And then she gazed upon the light bulb and realized that she had no idea what to do.
"Hmmm..." she thought out loud. "What is this...mysterious thing?"
It was truly unlike anything she had ever seen. In front of her was some sort of crystal sphere with a single fiber inside of it. To make matters worse, it looked like there was no way to remove it like Celestia had said. For a while she sat there, puzzled by the marvel that was modern technology.
"Maybe if we just..." she pulled on it with magic, but to no avail.
"Horseapples," she swore. "Well, maybe if we..." she shook the lamp up and down, hoping for the bulb to come ajar. Unfortunately, the bulb remained in place, taunting her with its defiance to her power.
"Zebra droppings!" she cursed again. Over the next few minutes, she tried many sophisticated techniques in an attempt to remove the light bulb, ranging from spinning the lamp post to reading poetry to it, but no matter what she did, the bulb refused to come out of its socket.
"Surely this can't be the job of just one pony alone..." she mused. And then, ironically, a light bulb went off in her head.
"Of course!" she exclaimed with delight. "If one pony can't do it...maybe we'll just need another one to help out." She trotted over to her desk and opened a secret compartment on the side, which contained the book she was looking for: the forbidden Neighcronomicon. She immediately began skimming its pages for the spell she was searching for.
"Where is it...where is it...where is it...ah! Here it is!" she exclaimed. "Cloning. To clone a pony, make sure you have a mirror and a strand of hair of that pony's mane." She plucked a lock of hair from her spacial mane and placed it in front of the mirror that hung above her dresser.
"Next, stand on one hoof..." She followed the directions. "And recite this spell:
Mirror, mirror, made of glass
Do my bidding and do it fast
A pony copy is what I need
Make it as this spell I read!"
All of a sudden, a violet cyclone surrounded the strand of hair, spinning with the force of a dragon's roar. Luna shielded herself from the wind in order to keep her eyes from stinging, and stood firmly in place until the wind died down.
When the Princess finally looked, she was amazed at what she saw.
There, standing on her dresser, was a carbon copy of herself, identical right down to the constellations in her mane.
"Hello! We are Luna!" the cloned pony said enthusiastically.
"We can see that," the real Luna responded, a smirk on her face. "Now, if-"
"We are Luna!" the clone repeated.
Luna frowned at the pony's interruption. Perhaps the Neighcronomicon had failed to take mental capacity into account during the cloning process.
"Yes, congratulations, you know your name," Luna said.
"Our name is Luna!" The pony still had the same clueless smirk on its face.
Luna rolled her eyes at the clone's immaturity. "Yes, it is. Now listen carefully. We have a chore that needs to be completed, and your assistance is required."
"Can we help?" the pony asked.
Luna sighed deeply. "That is what we asked, yes. Now please, follow us."
Nodding, the clone hopped down off of the dresser and followed the original over to the lamp, light bulb still snug in its socket.
Luna quickly briefed the clone on the dilemma she was having. "This stubborn 'light bulb,' as our sister calls it, refuses to move out of its place to be changed. We need your help in fixing this problem before Celestia arrives with a suitable replacement."
The clone nodded, acting as if it understood. Which, of course, it didn't. All she knew is that she would do anything to make the pony that looked exactly like her happy.
"What do you want us to do?" the clone asked, eager to help.
"Hm...well, we are assuming that you possess basic magic ability," she began. "Despite your evident lack of intelligence..." she added under her breath.
"Of course we do!" the clone replied. Either she hadn't heard Luna's last remark, or she didn't understand it.
"Good, good," Luna said, satisfied. "We need you to levitate this lamp so that we may get a better look at the light bulb."
"Yes, of course!" the clone responded. Focusing its energy, the clone levitated the lamp up into the air. Much to Luna's dismay, the clone had failed to flip the lamp, and the light bulb was now even further out of her reach.
Luna glared at the clone with a scowl. "It would be of much assistance to us if you could turn the lamp upside down so we can actually see the light bulb," she suggested.
"Oh. Sorry. Our fault!" the clone said, unhurt. Following Luna's orders, the clone rotated the lamp so it would be upside down...
...and managed to hit Luna on the head in the process.
"OUCH!" the Alicorn exclaimed, rubbing her head. "We meant the other way."
The clone didn't respond and merely grinned at Luna with a blank expression.
"Ugh..." Luna groaned. "Clones. Now, let's get a good look at this."
With the bulb at eye level, Luna was able to look at the contraption from a different angle. Just to be sure, she pulled at the bulb's base once more. Unsurprisingly, the bulb refused to budge. She looked at the glass sphere from all sorts of angles, but she was still unable to garner any understanding to how it worked.
Maybe that's what we lack... she thought. Knowledge of this...thing.
Then, another idea struck the Alicorn's brain.
"Maybe...just maybe...two ponies isn't enough," she mused to herself, rubbing her hooves together.
"Uh, what are you talking about?" the clone questioned.
"Oh, nothing," Luna sang back. "Tell us...would you like a friend?"
A look of pure elation appeared on the clone's face. "Oh, yes! Yes! We are always excited to make new friends!"
"Good, good," Luna replied.
Repeating the process she had performed earlier, Luna pulled another strand of hair out of her mane and placed it in front of the mirror. She stood on one hoof, feeling somewhat silly performing the action in front of another pony, and recited the spell from earlier once more.
The wind didn't surprise her this time; she knew it was coming. After a few moments, the wind died down, and in its place another clone stood. Luna was delighted to see that yet another flawless copy had been created.
"Hello! We are Luna!" the clone said.
Luna opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the first clone.
"Hello Luna! We are Luna also!" it said.
Overjoyed, the second clone ran right past the real Luna and began jumping up and down with the first clone.
"Luna! Luna! Luna! Luna!" they repeated, gaining height with each bounce.
"STOP!" Luna commanded, interrupting the clones' jubilee. They shrunk to the ground, somewhat afraid of their original.
"There will be time for play later," Luna explained. "For now, this chore must be completed. First Luna--keep the lamp in position."
The clone nodded.
"Second Luna--your job is very important."
"Are we Second Luna?" the new clone asked.
"YES," Luna said, exasperated. "See that bookshelf over there? We need you to find a book on light bulbs so we may gain knowledge on this issue."
The new clone saluted her superior and galloped over to the bookshelf to find something, anything that could solve this problem.
The original, meanwhile, continued with her inspection. She figured she would have at least some time to study the contraption before Second Luna returned with a book...but she was very, very wrong. After merely five seconds, the clone pranced up to her superior, a book hovering in the air.
"We have found a book!" the clone announced proudly.
Luna's eyes widened at the clone's efficiency. Maybe these things had potential, after all.
Her grin turned to a grimace when she read the title of the book.
"Hm...The Theory of Light?" she said, confused. "We're sorry, Second Luna, but that's not what we need. We require something about light bulbs, not just light. Please try again."
The clone zipped off and returned in a matter of seconds with another book.
"Tulip Bulbs: Everything You Need to Know About Planting Your Own Garden." She gave the clone a scowl. "Really?"
The clone smiled.
"Just...just try again," Luna said, waving the clone off.
"Yes, Luna, we will-"
A large crash interrupted the clone, with several smaller thumps following the incident.
...
...no...
She couldn't look. She just couldn't look. Deep down she knew what had transpired, but she didn't want to believe it was true.
Please...let us be wrong... she prayed.
She slowly turned her head.
And to her dismay, saw that her assumptions had been right.
While being distracted by talking to the original Luna, the clone had run headlong into the bookcase and had managed to somehow knock it over, spilling hundreds of books across the floor.
"We are sorry!" a muffled voice said from under the pile of books.
Luna sighed. "It's okay. Just...keep looking," she instructed. But now, what about these books? Surely Celestia would scold her if she saw such a mess in her quarters. Somepony had to clean this mess up.
Surely, just one more clone couldn't hurt...
A slightly irritated Celestia was walking down the corridor towards her sister's room, light bulb hovering beside her. When she had gone to fetch the replacement from the storage room, she had been stopped by Jarvis, the castle's caretaker, who insisted on lecturing Celestia on the importance of conserving light bulbs in order to prevent a shortage. After politely listening to the elderly stallion's grueling thirty minute spiel, the Princess was finally able to leave the storage room and make her way to her destination.
Who did he think he was, anyways? Lecturing the Princess of the Sun. She could have easily banished him if she wanted to.
Her mind teeming with devious thoughts, Celestia rounded the corner that led to Luna's room. She hoped she hadn't kept her sister waiting. It wasn't like changing a light bulb was a difficult task, anyways; all you had to do was unscrew it. In fact, she now dreaded meeting up with Luna, as her sister would likely greet her with a lecture on being on time when she arrived with the replacement.
And then, all of a sudden, Celestia's ears perked up. She heard...something coming from down the hall. Something that sounded like...laughter.
That's strange... the Princess thought to herself. Who could possibly be up at this hour of the night?
Then the realization hit her. Luna's room was the only room in the hallway, so the laughter had to have been coming from her room.
The only question was what was causing it.
Fearing the worst, Celestia approached her sister's room, the laughter getting louder and louder with each hoofstep. She could even hear an occasional crash or thud as she neared the looming doors.
When she finally arrived at the entrance to her sister's room, the noises had reached an unbearable level. Closing her eyes in fear, Celestia focused her magic on the door handle and slowly swung the giant structure open.
She opened her eyes and was greeted with the most horrifying sight she could have imagined.
There were Lunas everywhere--dozens of them. All of them were either flying around haphazardly or using magic to perform completely idiotic tasks. The room was in complete ruin due to the tomfoolery of...whatever these things were. Books were scattered everywhere, and all of the furniture was completely sprawled across the room. All of the furniture, that is, except for a single lamp and its light bulb.
Celestia's presence must have caused a disturbance, as she noticed that every single Luna was now staring directly at her with a look of sheer curiosity.
And then they erupted.
"HELLO! WE ARE LUNA!" they howled in the Royal Canterlot Voice. They yelled with such a force that it sent Celestia careening out of the room and onto the wall behind her. The light bulb fell out of Celestia's control and shattered on the ground somewhere down the hall.
Spread eagled, Celestia slowly slid down the wall until she collapsed onto the floor with a soft thud.
She raised her head and saw that her sister's room had returned to its previous state of chaos. Somewhere, she felt Discord pointing a finger at her and laughing at her face in joy.
She scowled as she slowly rose from her position, joints cracking. She would teach these unruly copies a lesson.
Celestia stormed through the door back into Luna's room, determined to put an end to this catastrophe. The doppelgangers looked at her once more, dumbfounded.
Stupid clones... Celestia thought. If her sister had really used the forbidden cloning spell...there was only one way to fix this.
Standing her ground, Celestia raised her head high and thought of a spell. An ancient spell. A spell she had only used once before. Almost immediately a golden light appeared at the tip of her horn, growing until it became too bright for the clones to look at. They shielded their eyes as the beacon enveloped the entirety of Luna's room.
And then the light vanished.
When Celestia looked at her surroundings, she was proud to see that all of the Lunas had disappeared, just as she had intended.
All that is, except for one.
Under the sheets of her sister's bed, Celestia could see a cowering figure, hoping to not be spotted. Rolling her eyes, Celestia lifted the sheet with magic and was greeted with the sight of her younger sister, curled up in a fetal position.
Blushing profusely, Luna grinned a nervous grin at her sister.
"Luna...what is the meaning of all this?" Celestia interrogated.
"Well, we uh...you see, we..." Luna desperately searched for an answer, but was unable to come up with a response that didn't end in her looking like a complete fool.
Celestia glanced at the still-unchanged light bulb and then back to her sister, raising an eyebrow.
Luna sighed, admitting defeat. "We are sorry, sister...we should have assumed that using the cloning spell was a bad idea. We just didn't want to disappoint you."
"It's okay, Luna," Celestia comforted. Luna looked into her sister's eyes, expecting to see signs of her famous sarcasm, but she saw nothing but sincerity in them. "I should have been more patient with you. I shouldn't have expected you to know how to take care of something that you knew relatively nothing about. I was very irresponsible and unkind, and I'm sorry."
Now it was Luna's turn to be shocked. "R...really?" she stammered. She was amazed that her sister could forgive her so easily.
Celestia chuckled. "Yes, really. Although...it probably wasn't the smartest idea to use a cloning spell. You should have just waited for me."
"Yes. We were...very foalish," Luna admitted. "We will be sure to ask you if we have any more troubles with this...technology."
"Good. I'm glad we settled this issue like sisters," Celestia said.
Then, something completely unexpected happened. Celestia had expected Luna to bow to her in respect, but she was greeted with what was perhaps the tightest hug she had ever received in her long life. She was surprised at Luna's reaction at first, but she hugged her sister back, relieved that they could put their differences to rest on this matter.
"We love you, sister," Luna said.
"I love you too, Luna," Celestia replied.
The two sisters released their embrace, smiling at one another for the first time that night.
"So, tell us, sister," Luna began. "What did you do with those leftover clones?"
Celestia smirked before delivering her reply. "Let's just say...I hope they like bananas."
The End
