My Little Madness: Has Nothing To Do With Spartans

Celestia was carted into the Auditor's chambers, still unconscious, as he undid her restraints, and sent his 1337 Guards out of the room.  Celestia began to stir.

"Well, looks like our sleeping beauty is awake."  The Auditor said.

"What do you want with me?  Who are you?"  Celestia panicked.

"Who am I?  Hmph, I am madness incarnate.  What do I want with you?  Why, only to destroy you and absorb your memories.  It will simplify my plans so much."  Auditor taunted.

"You have to let me go.  If the Sun isn't lowered in time, Discord will be able to return!"  She said.

"Exactly."  Replied the Auditor.

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Hank lifted himself up from the pile of bodies, and tucked the note into his pocket.  His overcoat was hastily stitched with some kind of glowing red tissue, and he felt... rejuvenated.  He felt like he could throw a train off of a cliff.  So he decided to try.  Why not?  He approached the flipped and currently burning engine, and kicked it with his full strength.  The engine flipped into the air, burning debris flying from it, and crashed down on the edge of the cliff, collapsing it.  Hank was surprised at his newfound power, and decided to jump down.  It wasn't like he had never jumped off of a cliff before or anything.  As he fell, a strange shadowlike trail began to form as he increased speed.

He braced himself for the impact of the ground, and hit the earth, sending up a shockwave, clearly defined in the air by a dark tinge to it.  The land around the impact point splintered up, debris flying through the air.  He felt almost nothing from the impact, but now he was stuck in a 10 foot deep hole in the ground.  Hank decided to jump up and grab at the edge, so he tensed his legs, and launched himself up, lurching 50 feet into the sky, and landing harmlessly outside the impact zone.  There was a thick forest further away, and it would be a nice spot to rest.  Hank began the trek towards it.

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"Deimos... you sure he was here?"  Sanford asked.

"Yeah, but the trail just... stops."  Deimos replied.  The pair continued on, leaving the train wreck and heading to a nearby cliffside overlooking some kind of small village.

"Ya know, Deimos, we should probably find somewhere to make a base or... something.  We can't wonder around forever."  Sanford commented as they began descending down the cliff face.

"Yeah, and I'm starving.  I haven't eaten in what... like three days?"  Deimos responded.

"Well, maybe that forest up there.  Looks like a real thick tree cover.  Should be pretty hard to get spotted there."  Sanford said, and Deimos nodded in reply as they reached the bottom of the cliff.

"Hey, see that crater, Sanford?  I think that might've been Hank.  He tends to do that alot."  Deimos said.

"Maybe he was thinking the same thing as us."  Sanford said, and they continued their trek towards a thick, ominous forest.

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The Sun was still hovering in the middle of the sky, as it had been for the past five hours.  Everypony was confused, anxious.  Discord could feel their unrest.  His stone shackles began to crack, tumbling to the ground and revealing a particularly angry Draconequus.

"Hmm... I sense more chaos here than I have since my first imprisonment.  Wonder what could've caused that. Ha!"  Discord droned, unaware of the appearance of a MAG Agent appearing in a ring of black flames behind him.  It approached him, and jabbed its oversized shotgun at his neck.

"Don't fucking move, freak."  The MAG Agent said through its heavy rebreather mask.

"Oh, what fun we shall have together!" Discord said, and snapped his fingers causing a cloud of caustic acid to appear over the MAG's head, burning at its bare skull.  It dropped its shotgun, and Discord picked it up.

"Now, what does this here beauty do?"  He said, and pulled the trigger.  The MAG's head exploded in a burst of gore and  genetically enhanced grey matter.

"Now, we can have some REAL fun!  Bahahah!"  Discord said, and flicked his wrist, forming massive pink clouds over the whole of Equestria.

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Sanford and Deimos decided to split up, one heading to the forest, and other to the town.  They did a best out of 3 rock-paper-scissors match.  Sanford formed the shape of scissors with his hand.  Deimos flattened his hand out into the shape of paper.

"I win, so I'll go to... the forest."  Sanford said.

"Fine, I'll look for you once I get some supplies."  Deimos replied, and turned towards the town.

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As Deimos rounded the top of the hill in front of the town, he saw a sprawling orchard, full of... apple trees?  Those would work for food.  He slid down the steep hill, and brushed off his coat.  He entered the mess of trees, and began picking some and putting them in his bag.  As he worked his way through the orchard, he heard... singing?  It sounded like some sort of child.  He shrugged, and began to approach it, crawling through the bushes.

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Apple Bloom quietly sang a harvesting tune as she skipped through the orchard.  She needed a break from her stressful routine, dealing with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, school, and the daily antics of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  This was the one place she could always rely on to be peaceful and calm.  Then, she heard a rustle from the bushes, and a slight flash of something as the bushes rustled more, the movement traveling away from her.

"Hey!  Who are ya?"  She shouted, and galloped after it.

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Deimos continued crab-walking through the bushes as fast as he could, keeping an eye on the small pony chasing him.  He stopped, and rolled out of the bushes, grabbing the pony and wrapping a hand over her mouth.

"Can.  You.  Understand.  Me?"  He said in a forced, hushed tone.  The creature quickly nodded.  "Will you scream if I let go?"  Deimos asked.  The creature shook her head.  "Alright then."  Deimos said, and released it.  It backed up to the bushes.

"Whadya want with me?"  It said, making puppy eyes.

"I needed some food.  You chased me.  Who are you?"  He said.

"I-I'm Apple Bloom.  And this is mah family's orchard."  She said.

"Well, me and my friends really need some food.  Can you take me to your family?"  Deimos said, in a quiet, soft tone.

"Well, alright Mister..."  Apple Bloom paused.

"Just call me Deimos, Apple Bloom.  Day-Mos.  Alright?"  Deimos said.

"Alright Mister Daa.... Deeee.... D!"  Apple Bloom shouted, and trotted off towards the farmhouse.

"Or, you could just call me that..."  Deimos said, and jogged off behind her, unaware of the front of bright pink clouds approaching...

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Hank continued into the forest, heading deeper and deeper.  He had already killed three mythological creatures that tried to kill him.  He slashed through a thicket of vines and found himself in a swampy clearing.  He approached the edge of the water, and bent down to get a drink.  A little dysentery wasn't going to kill him.  But unknown to him, something debatably worse than dysentery lurked beneath the waters...  As soon as he broke the surface of the water with his gloved hand, a massive snake-like head burst from the water, swallowing him whole.

Hank grasped onto one of the massive snake's fangs, and formed his blade.  He slashed, severing the tongue and flooding the dank, moist cavern with a coppery tinge.  He was swept further into the creature, and splashed down in a pool of bubbling greenish liquid.  The chamber smelled like a hospital clean room, sterile.  Then Hank realized what he had landed in.  A pool of hydrochloric acid.  Hank formed his razor-whip and caught it around a large bone lodged diagonally in its throat.  Hank pulled, and dislodged it.  It crashed down into the acid, and began to fizzle.  Hank leaped onto it, and jumped to a island of stomach lining in the center of the vat.

His clothes were entirely coated in the sickly green acid, sizzling and steaming, but forming back as it was burnt.  The same applied to Hank's exposed skin, and he could barely feel the acid eating away at his raw flesh.  That clown had done more to him than he thought.  Hank decided to try something.  He formed the razor-whip again, and stabbed it directly through the top of the stomach.  He whipped it down, slicing the stomach of the creature entirely in half, sending a massive shudder through the creature as its entrails began liquefying.  It thrashed around, and eventually stopped.  Hank dove into the acid which was pooling around the creature's left lung.  He swam to a hole eaten in the flesh of the creature by the acid, unharmed.  He felt no need to breath, and leisurely ascended to the surface of the water, to see a massive hydra, floating on the surface of the water, staining the area around it with puke-green acid, causing many bare skeletons of fish to appear on the surface.

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"Time to die, Princess."  The Auditor said as he began to engulf Celestia in his black flames.

"No, time for you to die, monster."  Celestia said, and out from her burst a golden shockwave, repelling the flames and knocking back the Auditor.  She then focused, and teleported to a place she hoped this madpony hadn't reached yet.  Ponyville.

Chapter Body Count: 2.  What the hell, me?  Shouldn't adding in grotesque amounts of death and gore to a fanfic be EASY!?  I need a true combat chapter sometime.  Hopefully soon.