My Little Madness: Has Nothing To Do With Spartans

by ProtheanBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Human, Adventure, Tragedy
Length: 8757

What would've happened if the irrationality drive had sent everyone to Equestria? Madness.

The first Madness Combat Crossover I am aware of. What if the irrationality drive had sent the cast of Madness Combat to Equestria? These are the antics of Hank, Sanford, and Deimos as they try to find Tricky and put a stop to his madness. Not entirely canon to the Madness Combat story. Madness Combat is owned by Matt "Krinkels" Jolly.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-25 06:52:06 UTC

Act 1, Prologue

Hank acrobatically flipped over one of the grunts, and snapped his neck with his bare hands, hearing a satisfying crack.  He proceeded through a door, and saw another grunt hide behind a vending machine.  Hank flipped the machine on its side, crushing the soldier, and looked up.  A security camera whirred and aimed at him.

__

The Auditor decided it was time.  He engaged the Improbability Drive X-2.

__

In a chaotic void, somewhere, a creature began to form.  It seemed to be one of the grunts.

__

As Hank neared a door, a large crack suddenly appeared on a wall.  It spread, and half of the room crumbled into a void, revealing a bright rainbow colored vortex, which consumed the room with incomprehensible force, along with Hank.  It spread further and further, consuming legions of his grunts, the life form, Jesus, the Auditor, and a pair of resistance fighters called Sanford and Deimos...

__

The Princess of the Sun was blasted through the wall of the Palace as the room exploded, a massive shockwave shaking all of Equestria to its core.  From the ashen, dull portal emerged Hank first, who lept out the newly made Princess-shaped hole in the wall.  Following him came a flood of the Auditor's elite troops, the Sheriff's grunts, and 1337 crew.  Then out came Sanford and Deimos, who followed Hank's path, and finally the Auditor.

The Life Form felt free.  It flexed its hands, and a soft white glow appeared around its hands.  It smashed them into the ground, clearing a large sphere of space around him, and breaking the waves of troops still leaving the portal.  It launched into the air, joining the battalion of troops still flying away from the blast, and rocketed away, towards a quaint looking town on the horizon...

__

The Great and Powerful Trixie was sure she could impress theses dull country ponies.  But as she boasted and spun her yarns, she failed to notice the thing rocketing towards her like a comet.  Her head was held high, gazing up at the stars and ignoring the crowd of running ponies.  The thing impacted, sending a wave of gravel and debris into the air.  It got up, and approached her.

"And THAT was how The Great and Powerful Trixie defeated and Ursa Major!"  Trixie said, still oblivious to the life form.  It grew closer and closer, and summoned its magic Stop Sign.  Trixie droned on and on, still oblivious.  Then, the life form leaped at her, impaling her on the shaft of the Sign.  Trixie tried to gasp, but only wheezed and coughed up wet, warm blood onto the face of her assailant.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie -cough- can never -cough- be... defeated..."  muttered Trixie in a fading descendo as she bled out.

"Trixie.  I like that name.  But too feminine.  How about... Tricky?"  The Life form said, or as it was known now, Tricky, as it flung the lifeless corpse of Trixie onto the dirt below.

Chapter Body Count: 3

Act 1, Chapter 1

Celestia woke up from her daze, and found herself in some sort of restraint system, pinning her wings to her side, and clamping down on her horn, preventing her from using magic.

"You cannot do this to me!  If I am not released in time to lower the sun, then Chaos shall spread through the land, and Discord shall reawaken!"  Celestia pleaded, helpless.

"Yeah, whatever the fuck that means."  Said one of the Auditor's elite guards escorting her as he nudged a 1337 Grunt.

"Please, you do not know the consequences of your actions!"  Celestia continued.

"Hey, you.  See this gun?  I would kill you right now if the Auditor didn't want you so badly, now shut up."  Said the 1337 Grunt as he pistol-whipped her, sending her back into unconsciousness.

__

Hank dashed to the edge of the cliff overlooking the rest of Canterlot, and jumped.  He'd survived longer falls.  He landed with a thud, and got right back to action.  There seemed to be... pastel colored ponies everywhere.  He'd seen stranger.  He sprinted towards what looked like an exit from the town, when he was halted by a group of white... unicorns in polished gold armor.

"Stop right there, and come with us!"  One of them said, and approached him as the others followed.

He took out his gun, and methodically executed them.  He broke off one of the horns, as it could come in handy as a weapon later.

He continued, the ponies backing from him, seemingly scared out of their wits by the sight of death.  Hank wondered why, it wasn't exactly uncommon.  Then again, this was crazy.  It was Madness. It always had been.  Ever since he was denied that pie...  He snapped himself out of his train of thought, and continued on.

"There's the murderer!  Stop the creature!"  Another group of armored unicorns shouted as they rounded the corner.  Hank took aim at them, and fired, he hit the first one straight in the chest, killing it, and shifted aim to the next one, who put a some sort of magic barrier when he shot at it.  He charged at it, pulling out the horn he had taken, and stabbed at it, breaking the barrier and impaling it in the eye.  The other two charged, hurling some sort of energy ball at him.  Hank sidestepped the first one, and shot at the other, hitting it directly, but doing nothing, the ball continued and blasted him to the ground.

Hank pulled himself up, holding the side of his chest, his overcoat burnt and blasted open by it, revealing blistered and burnt flesh, and rolled under one of the charging unicorns, and grabbed its tail, halting it.  The unicorn slammed onto its hindquarters, and he leaped onto its back, it reared, and he used the momentum from that to swing down and in front of it, while still holding onto its neck, snapping it with a sharp crunch.

Royal Guard Lieutenant Frost Breeze had just watched some sort of  hairless monkey wrapped in black cloth brutally murder his men.  He charged at the creature, and it effortlessly flipped over him, but Frost countered, bucking as the creature came down.  It crashed to the ground, but threw itself back up, and at him.  Frost lunged at the jumping figure as it flew at him, and stabbed at it with his horn.  It seemed to be oblivious, about to impale itself on his horn, when it grabbed its horn and kneed him in the face, with Frost's sharp horn inches from its chest.  As it kneed him, it propelled itself sideways, still tightly grasping his horn and wedging its foot in between the gap from his lips and gum, beginning to tear the nerves and tendons gluing his horn to his skull.

Hank tore the unicorn's horn clean off of its head, and jammed it, nerve endings still aiming at the pony, into its left eyeball.  It impacted and crushed its eye with a satisfying squishing sound.  The unicorn howled, and toppled, blood flowing from its eye and horn socket, screaming on the ground.  Hank left it there to die, and continued on.  He kept walking at a brisk pace and pulled out a silencer, screwing it onto the barrel of his weapon, and killing the unaware guards at the gate, and strolled past it.

There was some sort of train up ahead, and his approach was scattering ponies as he continually and mercilessly killed all who approached him.  The train began to leave, picking up speed.  He leaped at the speeding train, catching onto a decorative swirl coming off from the roof of one of the cars, and swung back.  He kicked his legs out, and smashed through the window, landing on another one of the ponies.  He began heading forward towards the next car, when a patrolling guard struck him from behind.  It was a "normal" pony, with no horn, so it only knocked him to the floor.  He did a half-roll, catching himself in a handstand, and throwing himself at the pony, kicking it in the muzzle.  It recoiled in pain, and he curb-stomped on its neck, killing it.  He continued on, heading towards a strangely ornate car decorated to look a bit like the night sky...

__

The Auditor was taking residence in a large cavern beneath his entrance point into this new world.  It was so pure... so innocent... he planned to change that.  He had already captured what seemed to be one of the leaders of the land.  He so craved consuming it... it had so much untapped hatred and power.  At that thought, his flames surged, and consumed one of the 1337 agents next to him.  The other paid no mind, knowing that nothing good could come from that.

__

Sanford picked himself up, and assisted Deimos as well.  They were on a cliff overlooking a large, colorful city full of spires.  As they gazed over it, trying to plot an escape route.  They did not notice the pair of Royal Guards descending on them as they strategized, and they were tackled to the ground.

"Who are you, and what is your purpose?"  They asked them in harmony.

"Wha- Oh, I'm uh... Sanford.  That's Deimos."  Sanford replied.  He had no idea what was going on, but after getting crushed by a building, strange things had tended to happen to them.  Talking to a pegasus though?  That was weird.

"Purpose?"  The larger pegasus asked, applying more pressure to Sanford.

"Uh, to help Hank.  We think he's here to."  Sanford said.

"Hank... was he the one who went into Canterlot?"  The guard asked.

"Uh, yeah.  He's wearing black clothing, and some red goggles, with some visible bandages."  Sanford said.

"He has been slaughtering our guards!"  The large one, seeming to be the leader of the two, said, and completely pinned Sanford.  Deimos however, was under a considerably smaller pony.  He elbowed it in the ribcage, and it recoiled, reflexively pumping its wings.  The single flap was enough though, to lift it just enough for Deimos to roll out from under it, and grabbed onto its wing, pulling it sideways, and crashing it headfirst into the ground, with a nice crackle as it crushed its muzzle on the hard cobblestones.  The larger one leapt up at the sight of his friend being beaten into the ground, and flew straight at Deimos hooves ready to strike, when Sanford leaped onto him, and stabbed its wing with his signature Grappling Hook.  It crashed to the ground, crippled.

"Just kill me now, you beasts.  End my suffering.  It seems your purpose is to spread madness, and we need none of that here."  It said, wincing at every little movement it made.  Deimos and Sanford approached him, and fulfilled his request, each grabbing its neck, pinning it, and twisting in the same direction, instantly killing it.  They proceeded to slide down the steep cliff, landing in a hard tumble at the bottom.  Directly in front of them, a pile of mutilated unicorns lay.

"Sanford, this doesn't feel right.  It's like they don't want to fight.  I wonder what compelled Hank to do that?"  Deimos commented.

"I dunno, let's ask him when we find him."  Sanford said.

"Still doesn't feel right, San."  Deimos said, and they ventured on.

__

Lieutenant Frost Breeze was still alive.  Very alive.  The Auditor was sure.  He sensed the hatred and shared goals inside the nearly dead stallion.  The Auditor cast his necromantic powers on him, and Frost Breeze was cast in a crimson glow.  He rose from the cobblestone street, and began to shudder.  A dark tendril began to form where his eye had been, limply hanging from the socket.  His bright ice-blue coat began to darken, and a sharp, blade like protrusion grew out where his horn had been.  The Auditor spoke.

"We share a common enemy."  He said.

"We do."  The newly resurrected Frost Breeze said.

"Frost Breeze no longer is a fitting name, you may be aware."  The Auditor said.

"I am aware."  Frost replied, monotonously.

"How about... Crimson Shadow."  The Auditor pseudo-suggested.

"I like that.  Crimson Shadow."  Crimson Shadow replied.

"Now, about our goals.  We must kill Hank."  The Auditor said.

"We must, and we shall."  Crimson said.

Chapter Body Count: 10.  Huh.  Not that much for a Madness Combat-Based Story.  Well, better ramp this shiz up.

Act 1, Chapter 2

I can say that I am honestly surprised at the positive reception to this.  Thanks, fans!  Now, about "ramping this shiz up"...

Luna readied her magic as the silhouette behind the door approached.  Her guards were flanking her, one on each side.  The figure reached the door, and it flew open, revealing a slightly battered figure with a large burn wound on its chest.  It was bipedal, and wrapped in some sort of black cloth.  It was carrying a strange metal object that it pointed at her.  A blast of flame erupted from the front of it, and a cry of pain was heard from one of her guards as the front of his neck exploded into a mess of vertebrae, muscle, and streaming red blood.

She unleashed her magic, a glob of pure energy flying at the thing, when the train suddenly flipped on its side, flinging the figure out of the way of her magic.  It began to run forward, balancing and dodging through the flying luggage as the train continued rolling.  Luna charged up another projectile as she grasped a safety rail with one of her wings, but the creature was too fast.  It leaped onto her head, grabbing her horn, and using it to swing himself around at her other guard, who was being tossed around like confetti.

Hank tackled the smaller surviving unicorn out of the air as the train finally stopped rolling, tossing them all to the floor, well, ceiling now that the car was flipped upside-down.  He yanked back on its horn while stomping on the back of its neck, separating its head from the rest of its body, leaving a bloody stump of forcibly torn tissues and raw, exposed bone.  Hank broke off the horn from the head, and flung the head at the larger pony.

Luna was utterly shocked.  Her two best guards had just been torn apart like soggy hay fries right in front of her.  What was this beast?  She unleashed her magic again, sure of her target, when it threw some kind of wet... AGH! It was the decapitated head of one of her guards!  Her attack hit it, disintegrating it in mid-air, revealing the bipedal creature right behind it, carrying the guard's horn.  Luna brought up a magic barrier using all of her remaining strength, and steadied herself for the impact.  He hit the shield, the horn penetrating it and leaving a spiderweb of cracks in it, but wedging in it.

__

The Auditor led Crimson Shadow towards the wreck.  It was wonderfully convenient for their plans.  He sicced his toy on Hank's path, and melted into the ground, reforming back at his base.  This new slave was so independent... that might become a problem for him later.  But for now, it gave him time to continue his plans.

__

Hank lifted himself over the barrier using the horn for a grip, and kicked the unicorn pegasus in the snout, breaking its focus.  He pulled out his pistol, and slapped it across its face, splitting the skin. Hank jammed the barrel of it into the wound, and twisted it.  It screamed it pain, and he pulled the trigger.  Click.  He had forgotten to reload, and his clip was empty.

Luna took the supposed moment of surprise the creature displayed to hit it in the face with her hooves, stumbling it.  She swung her front hooves down on it, hoping to incapacitate it.  It caught her hooves, and slid under her, knocking her back legs out, and she collapsed to the ground as it  rolled out of the way and got up.

__

Crimson just had to follow the death.  He followed the trail of dead guards from the end of the train up to one of the furthest up cars, Princess Luna's.  He no longer cared for the Princesses, his top priority was stopping that mad thing.  He used his razor-sharp blade to slash the wedged door open, and entered.  The thing was standing over Princess Luna, holding his strange cannon to her head.  Crimson shot his tendril out, wrapping it around the thing's wrist.  He pulled, and the creature slid towards him.

__

Hank rolled and grabbed the now broken off and extremely sharp unicorn horn from the ground that the shield had dropped earlier, and plunged it into the tendril grabbing his arm.  A viscous purple fluid flowed from it, and began to burn through the floor of the car.  Hank tore the tendril clean off from the corrupted unicorn, and rolled out of the car through a broken window.  A legion of Luna's guards were waiting for him.  12 of them in all, Hank reached for his gun, remembering that he had left it in the train, and that it was out of ammo anyways.  He would have to improvise.

He grabbed a loose rail tie, and rolled towards the nearest guard, striking his horn with the sturdy tie, snapping it off.  Hank grabbed it, and slashed the sharp and broken end across the pony's throat, killing it.  He turned to the next, and threw the horn, point first, into its eye.  Hank then grabbed another's mane, and pulled on it while flipping over the unicorn, snapping its neck.  He picked up the corpse, and tore its forelegs off, leaving sinewy stumps in their place.

__

Crimson Shadow may not rever the Princess of the Night, but he still had a tinge of respect for her.  He allowed her to live, and crashed through a window.  Hank was again, decimating elite Royal Guards.  Crimson was flooded with memories, flooding him with power as well.  He charged at the creature, who was completely unaware.  It continued tearing through the guards, beating them down with the limbs of their own fallen!  Crimson was further flooded with outrage, and it needed some way to vent.  But due to the Auditor's tampering, it did so with uncontrollable magical spasms.

His blade began to form a large black aura around it, simultaneously forming one around the thing.  It was lifted into the air, and slammed through the rest of the guards, then smashed down into the earth, flung into the air, and thrown straight into the burning wreck of the engine.  The magic then began to focus on the fire itself, it grew, gaining intensity and heat, until gaining so much power, it couldn't contain it anymore, and the wreck burst into a gruesome fireball, ash and scraps flying through the air.

__

The Auditor observed using the slave's one good eye, watching as he completed his mission.  He was far more powerful than the Auditor ever thought he could become.  He was a problem.  The Auditor began termination.

__

Crimson Shadow felt the master's voice pounding in his head.  It was overwhelming, it felt like an aneurysm all throughout his head.  He was being flooded with his worst memories, and he knew he would be reliving them every moment he was still alive.  He took his tendril, and impaled himself through his other eye, brain, and out the other end of his skull, spilling chunks of brain matter and gore along the floor.

__

Tricky approached the mess of limbs and innards with a sense of innate pride at whoever had caused it.  It was impressive.  But he knew who caused it.  And their time wasn't up just yet.  Oh, he had so much more planned for him.

"Hello, Hank.  Welcome back."  He said, and shot a lance of pure dark energy into Hank's burned, battered, and mutilated  body.  "Maybe you need a little... boost."  He continued, and poured even more energy into Hank's corpse.  The body rose, and began to shudder violently in the air, spasming into incomprehensible contortions, glowing with the power of chaos.  His arms began to morph, changing from massive blades, claws, and a large bladed whip.  His body began to morph, to one of the guards he had killed, to a 1337 agent, and back.  Tricky poured even more power, and Hank began to regenerate his body back.  His muscles began to ripple, veins glowing with power, and settling back.  Tricky decided it was enough.  He stopped his powers, and walked over to Hank.

__

Hank slowly opened his eyes, and saw some sort of armored clown standing over him.  It laughed, and disappeared.  It dropped a note.

Catch me if you can!

~Tricky the Clown :D

Chapter Body Count: 7.  I guess I need more chaos.  Well, there's always a tomorrow!  Until nuclear apocalypse.  But its not like I'm going to instigate nuclear war just to get out of writing, right?  Hehehe...

Act 1, Chapter 3

Celestia was carted into the Auditor's chambers, still unconscious, as he undid her restraints, and sent his 1337 Guards out of the room.  Celestia began to stir.

"Well, looks like our sleeping beauty is awake."  The Auditor said.

"What do you want with me?  Who are you?"  Celestia panicked.

"Who am I?  Hmph, I am madness incarnate.  What do I want with you?  Why, only to destroy you and absorb your memories.  It will simplify my plans so much."  Auditor taunted.

"You have to let me go.  If the Sun isn't lowered in time, Discord will be able to return!"  She said.

"Exactly."  Replied the Auditor.

__

Hank lifted himself up from the pile of bodies, and tucked the note into his pocket.  His overcoat was hastily stitched with some kind of glowing red tissue, and he felt... rejuvenated.  He felt like he could throw a train off of a cliff.  So he decided to try.  Why not?  He approached the flipped and currently burning engine, and kicked it with his full strength.  The engine flipped into the air, burning debris flying from it, and crashed down on the edge of the cliff, collapsing it.  Hank was surprised at his newfound power, and decided to jump down.  It wasn't like he had never jumped off of a cliff before or anything.  As he fell, a strange shadowlike trail began to form as he increased speed.

He braced himself for the impact of the ground, and hit the earth, sending up a shockwave, clearly defined in the air by a dark tinge to it.  The land around the impact point splintered up, debris flying through the air.  He felt almost nothing from the impact, but now he was stuck in a 10 foot deep hole in the ground.  Hank decided to jump up and grab at the edge, so he tensed his legs, and launched himself up, lurching 50 feet into the sky, and landing harmlessly outside the impact zone.  There was a thick forest further away, and it would be a nice spot to rest.  Hank began the trek towards it.

__

"Deimos... you sure he was here?"  Sanford asked.

"Yeah, but the trail just... stops."  Deimos replied.  The pair continued on, leaving the train wreck and heading to a nearby cliffside overlooking some kind of small village.

"Ya know, Deimos, we should probably find somewhere to make a base or... something.  We can't wonder around forever."  Sanford commented as they began descending down the cliff face.

"Yeah, and I'm starving.  I haven't eaten in what... like three days?"  Deimos responded.

"Well, maybe that forest up there.  Looks like a real thick tree cover.  Should be pretty hard to get spotted there."  Sanford said, and Deimos nodded in reply as they reached the bottom of the cliff.

"Hey, see that crater, Sanford?  I think that might've been Hank.  He tends to do that alot."  Deimos said.

"Maybe he was thinking the same thing as us."  Sanford said, and they continued their trek towards a thick, ominous forest.

__

The Sun was still hovering in the middle of the sky, as it had been for the past five hours.  Everypony was confused, anxious.  Discord could feel their unrest.  His stone shackles began to crack, tumbling to the ground and revealing a particularly angry Draconequus.

"Hmm... I sense more chaos here than I have since my first imprisonment.  Wonder what could've caused that. Ha!"  Discord droned, unaware of the appearance of a MAG Agent appearing in a ring of black flames behind him.  It approached him, and jabbed its oversized shotgun at his neck.

"Don't fucking move, freak."  The MAG Agent said through its heavy rebreather mask.

"Oh, what fun we shall have together!" Discord said, and snapped his fingers causing a cloud of caustic acid to appear over the MAG's head, burning at its bare skull.  It dropped its shotgun, and Discord picked it up.

"Now, what does this here beauty do?"  He said, and pulled the trigger.  The MAG's head exploded in a burst of gore and  genetically enhanced grey matter.

"Now, we can have some REAL fun!  Bahahah!"  Discord said, and flicked his wrist, forming massive pink clouds over the whole of Equestria.

__

Sanford and Deimos decided to split up, one heading to the forest, and other to the town.  They did a best out of 3 rock-paper-scissors match.  Sanford formed the shape of scissors with his hand.  Deimos flattened his hand out into the shape of paper.

"I win, so I'll go to... the forest."  Sanford said.

"Fine, I'll look for you once I get some supplies."  Deimos replied, and turned towards the town.

__

As Deimos rounded the top of the hill in front of the town, he saw a sprawling orchard, full of... apple trees?  Those would work for food.  He slid down the steep hill, and brushed off his coat.  He entered the mess of trees, and began picking some and putting them in his bag.  As he worked his way through the orchard, he heard... singing?  It sounded like some sort of child.  He shrugged, and began to approach it, crawling through the bushes.

__

Apple Bloom quietly sang a harvesting tune as she skipped through the orchard.  She needed a break from her stressful routine, dealing with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, school, and the daily antics of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  This was the one place she could always rely on to be peaceful and calm.  Then, she heard a rustle from the bushes, and a slight flash of something as the bushes rustled more, the movement traveling away from her.

"Hey!  Who are ya?"  She shouted, and galloped after it.

__

Deimos continued crab-walking through the bushes as fast as he could, keeping an eye on the small pony chasing him.  He stopped, and rolled out of the bushes, grabbing the pony and wrapping a hand over her mouth.

"Can.  You.  Understand.  Me?"  He said in a forced, hushed tone.  The creature quickly nodded.  "Will you scream if I let go?"  Deimos asked.  The creature shook her head.  "Alright then."  Deimos said, and released it.  It backed up to the bushes.

"Whadya want with me?"  It said, making puppy eyes.

"I needed some food.  You chased me.  Who are you?"  He said.

"I-I'm Apple Bloom.  And this is mah family's orchard."  She said.

"Well, me and my friends really need some food.  Can you take me to your family?"  Deimos said, in a quiet, soft tone.

"Well, alright Mister..."  Apple Bloom paused.

"Just call me Deimos, Apple Bloom.  Day-Mos.  Alright?"  Deimos said.

"Alright Mister Daa.... Deeee.... D!"  Apple Bloom shouted, and trotted off towards the farmhouse.

"Or, you could just call me that..."  Deimos said, and jogged off behind her, unaware of the front of bright pink clouds approaching...

__

Hank continued into the forest, heading deeper and deeper.  He had already killed three mythological creatures that tried to kill him.  He slashed through a thicket of vines and found himself in a swampy clearing.  He approached the edge of the water, and bent down to get a drink.  A little dysentery wasn't going to kill him.  But unknown to him, something debatably worse than dysentery lurked beneath the waters...  As soon as he broke the surface of the water with his gloved hand, a massive snake-like head burst from the water, swallowing him whole.

Hank grasped onto one of the massive snake's fangs, and formed his blade.  He slashed, severing the tongue and flooding the dank, moist cavern with a coppery tinge.  He was swept further into the creature, and splashed down in a pool of bubbling greenish liquid.  The chamber smelled like a hospital clean room, sterile.  Then Hank realized what he had landed in.  A pool of hydrochloric acid.  Hank formed his razor-whip and caught it around a large bone lodged diagonally in its throat.  Hank pulled, and dislodged it.  It crashed down into the acid, and began to fizzle.  Hank leaped onto it, and jumped to a island of stomach lining in the center of the vat.

His clothes were entirely coated in the sickly green acid, sizzling and steaming, but forming back as it was burnt.  The same applied to Hank's exposed skin, and he could barely feel the acid eating away at his raw flesh.  That clown had done more to him than he thought.  Hank decided to try something.  He formed the razor-whip again, and stabbed it directly through the top of the stomach.  He whipped it down, slicing the stomach of the creature entirely in half, sending a massive shudder through the creature as its entrails began liquefying.  It thrashed around, and eventually stopped.  Hank dove into the acid which was pooling around the creature's left lung.  He swam to a hole eaten in the flesh of the creature by the acid, unharmed.  He felt no need to breath, and leisurely ascended to the surface of the water, to see a massive hydra, floating on the surface of the water, staining the area around it with puke-green acid, causing many bare skeletons of fish to appear on the surface.

__

"Time to die, Princess."  The Auditor said as he began to engulf Celestia in his black flames.

"No, time for you to die, monster."  Celestia said, and out from her burst a golden shockwave, repelling the flames and knocking back the Auditor.  She then focused, and teleported to a place she hoped this madpony hadn't reached yet.  Ponyville.

Chapter Body Count: 2.  What the hell, me?  Shouldn't adding in grotesque amounts of death and gore to a fanfic be EASY!?  I need a true combat chapter sometime.  Hopefully soon.

Act 1, Chapter 4

The Auditor cursed himself for his petty mistake.  He had underestimated her power, and now she was gone.  But he knew where she had gone.  She couldn't have returned to the palace he had entered this dimension in.  His army had overrun it long ago.  But there was a quaint town on the horizon, which was untouched...  so he mobilized his armies, and set them on their path.

__

"So, ya' from around here?"  Apple Bloom asked.

"No, but long story short, 'foreign' doesn't even come close."  Deimos responded.

"But ya ain't gonna hurt anyone, are ya?"  Apple Bloom said.

"No.  Unless I have to."  Deimos said coldly.  They eventually arrived at the Apple Family Farmhouse.  They walked onto the porch.  "Apple Bloom, go in first.  Tell them about me, and then I'll come in."

"Alright, Mr. D!"  Apple Bloom said, and went into her house as Deimos rounded the corner and peered in the window.

"Hi Applejack!"  He heard Apple Bloom say to a larger orange pony.  That must be her older sister she told him about.  "Hey Granny Smith, Hi Big Mac!"  She continued.  Granny Smith was probably her grandma she lived with, and 'Big Mac' should be her brother.  He kept discreetly eavesdropping until Apple Bloom finished telling them about him.  But as they conversed, he noticed a swath of humans approaching.  It must be the Auditor.  He ran off towards the spot Sanford and him agreed to stash some of their supplies.

__

"So this Day-most feller, you say you found 'im in the field?"  Applejack said.

"Yeah!  He seems real nice!"  Apple Bloom said.

"You say he was stealin' our apples?"  Applejack said.

"Yeah, but... I trust 'em!"  Apple Bloom replied.

"Well, sis', Ima gonna trust you on this right now, okay?"  Applejack responded, and opened the door.  There was nobody there.

"Uhm... Apple Bloom, there's nopony here."  Applejack said.

"But, he said to go in and he'd wait outside!"  Apple Bloom said.

"Well, looks like you got played.  He probably ran off with our apples when ya took your eye offa him."  Applejack chastised.

"Sorry.  He was really nice."  Apple Bloom apologized.

"Well, it's alright sis.  He couldn't a taken that much."  Applejack said, and turned to close the door, when she saw a figure sprinting towards the door lugging some sort of giant pipe or something behind it.

__

Deimos was just going to make it.  The Auditor's men were just over a mile away, but he was in view of the farmhouse, with his minigun he had stashed in a cave.  He darted to the door, and greeted the orange pony at it.

"Hi...  I'm Deimos.  Apple Bloom told you about me.  We don't have much time.  Get Big Mac out here!"

"You're Deimos?  And wait, how do ya know who mah brother is?"  Applejack questioned.

"I eavesdropped.  But listen, get him and a screwdriver out here now."  Deimos ordered.  Applejack ran inside and dragged her brother outside.  Deimos ran over to him, and told him to stay still.  He lifted his minigun, and wedged it in Big Mac's harness.  He got  the screwdriver, and fashioned a makeshift trigger for Big Mac.

"Alright, big guy.  Listen here.  When the other humans come, point that thing on your back at them, then tug on this rope here.  It's going to make a loud noise, but try to keep it steady.  Alright?"  Deimos instructed.

"Eeyup."  Big Mac replied, just as the Auditor's armies began to flood into the family's orchard.  Big Mac pointed at them, and yanked the rope attached to the strange thing on his back.  It began to whir, and shot out a stream of laser-like tracer rounds, tearing through the front lines of the army, and sawing down the trees that they attempted to hide behind.

"The trees!  I can't damage them!  They're our lives!"  Big Mac said.

"It's the trees or everyone.  Just keep shooting!  And get behind that rock, I'll cover your back!"  Deimos advised.  Big Mac reluctantly nodded, and began strafing towards the rock, still firing.  Deimos pull out his pistol, and picked off the stragglers.  They reached cover, and took note of their surroundings.  Deimos ran out from cover, and began picking up weapons and ammunition.  They had taken down 34 men, and a pair of apple trees.  As Deimos reached for an assault rifle on the ground, a rope wrapped around it, and it flew away, towards the orange pony, who had fashioned herself a similar harness to Big Mac's, and swung her rifle into it.

"I'm Applejack, if you're wonderin'"  Applejack said, and slid into cover with them.

"Applejack, get inside."  Big Mac said.

"No, I'm a full grown mare, and I can handle this stuff just fine!"  She said, and used her lasso to switch the clip on her rifle, and making a show of it, just in time for a pair of MAG Agents to appear in a burst of black flame.  Applejack tugged on the trigger, and a tongue of fire reached out from the rifle, bullets impacting the MAG Agents.  They shrugged it off, and continued on.  One of their rebreathers was slightly askew, and Applejack had an idea.  She lassoed around the rebreather, and tugged it off.

The MAG Agent tugged at its mouth, as it was deprived of the pure nitrogen it breathed.  It slowed its actions, and topple to the ground.  Big Mac began to empty his minigun into the other Agent, tearing its head apart, and leaving a few gory strips of it laying on the floor around it.

"Are they gonna be okay?" Applejack asked.

"No.  They're dead."  Deimos said.

"Ya-you mean we killed them?  I-I can't kill someone!"  Applejack said, surprised.

"Listen, if we didn't kill them, they would've killed us.  Do you think you might know why they're here?" Deimos said.

"Well, Princess Celestia is in town.  She seems a bit stressed or somethin'."  Applejack said.

"Who is this Celestia?"  Deimos replied.

"Our leader."  Applejack said.

"Oh shit.  I'll be back with help."  Deimos said, and sprinted off.  "Oh, and if they come back, just use what I taught you!"  He shouted as he sprinted off towards the Everfree forest.

Chapter Body Count: 36 (38, counting the trees.)

Act 1, Chapter 5

Sanford ventured further and further into the forest, still searching for Hank.  He was desperately thirsty, and was out of ammo for his weapon.  He heard a rustling in the brush overhead.  There was a large slash in a cluster of vines ahead, and it was too straight for it to be natural.  He dashed towards it as a large lion-like creature with wings and a scorpion's stinger dropped from the trees.  It roared, and charged at him.  Sanford flung his grappling hook at it, hooking the creature's ear.  Sanford pulled and jumped onto the creature's back.  He dug the hook into the base of one of its wings, and tugged.

The wing dislocated from the creature's back, bleeding profusely, and toppled to the ground.  He took the hook, and dug it in further.  The creature howled in pain, and stabbed at Sanford with its tail.  Sanford rolled off as it jabbed its poison barb directly into its own back.  Contrary to popular belief, being impaled three times in the same spot does not give you superpowers.  Instead, the creature toppled onto the floor, blood and poison spilling from its wound, as it softly moaned in pain.

__

Fluttershy came running at the sound of the howling.  An animal must be in extreme pain to produce a sound like that.  She eventually stumbled upon the massive corpse of a Manitcore, which lay in a pool of sticky, warm blood.  It was still warm.  That meant that whatever had done this to it couldn't be far away.  She noticed a rustling in some nearby brush, and slowly approached it.

"Hello?"  She said.

__

Sanford kept running, he was hot on Hank's trail.  He had just passed a massive three headed creature completely decimated floating on the surface of another clearing.  He ignored it, and kept sprinting deeper into the forest.  Then he heard something.  It sounded like someone had said 'Hello.'  It must've been another talking horse. Sanford kept running, and reached another clearing.  He looked up, and noticed the sky was a vibrant pink color.  He watched as it began to rain.  It splashed down.  It seemed to be... chocolate milk?  Well, it did.  Until it began to sizzle against his bandana and the ground.  It was acid.  Sanford ran back to the cover of the trees as the exposed ground began smoking and and dying.

__

Fluttershy knew what the pink clouds meant.  But what came from them was not what she expected.  She watched in horror as a trio of ducklings waddled out into the chocolate milk-rain, only for them to quack in horror as wafts of smoke curled from them as their feathers melted away, followed by their bare flesh, leaving cute little goreless skeletons.  Fluttershy abandoned her pursuit of the figure to check on her animals, some of which were outside still.

__

10 Minutes Before the Battle of Sweet Apple Acres

Princess Celestia appeared in the Ponyville library in a flash of gold, causing Twilight Sparkle to drop her payload of books in surprise.

"Princess?!  What are you doing here?"  Twilight asked.

"There is not much time.  Discord has returned.  Again."  Celestia said.

"I'll go get the rest of the Elements!"  Twilight said.

"Wait- before you go, be aware that disaster has struck, other than Discord's Second Return.  An army of bipedal creatures has invaded through some kind of portal in Canterlot.  It fell days ago."  Celestia said.

"Canterlot!?  But... that's the most heavily fortified city in Equestria!  And... my brother.  He was still there..."  Twilight responded.

"I don't know what's happened to your brother, Twilight, but he is surely alright.  He is one of the best soldiers in Equestria."  Celestia comforted.  "But I will be staying here for now.  I will assist in the defense of Ponyville, as there is an army already approaching."

__

Shining Armor and the rest of the surviving Royal Guard members were hiding in the Canterlot Sewers, constantly evading and ambushing the enemy.  There were only seven of them, counting Shining Armor.  His men had been decimated when some kind of strange gas was released inside their barracks during the night.  They were still suffering from the side effects.  The last time a Royal Guard had actually killed something before they invaded was the first Nightmare Moon incident.

His normally pristine armor was splattered with gore and dirt, and he had a splatter of blood on his face from impaling one of the enemy with his horn.  None of their magic worked, like there was some kind of greater presence preventing it around Canterlot.  And all day and night, constant hissing of pistons and machinery came from the surface.  He had no idea what was going on, except for that they had to escape Canterlot.  Then, a loud rumbling came from above.  Dust on the ceiling was shaken loose, chunks of rubble falling.

A large crack began to appear, and a large chunk of the cobblestone surface crumbled into the sewer, a pair of AAHW soldiers on it.  Shining Armor and his men, were surrounding them, all hiding in the shadows.  They hadn't seen this kind of soldier before.  They AAWHs turned on a pair of flashlights and searched around.  The lights danced around and eventually landed on one of Shining's men.  The Guard's horn flared and released a fireball at the enemies, illuminating the sewer and revealing all of them.  They each began to fire off combat spells at the soldiers, who had taken cover behind some of the rubble and were taking potshots.

One of the Guards yelled in pain and toppled into the rushing water below as one of the AAHWs charged from cover holding a belt of grenades.  It twirled them and then flung them at a concentration of three Guards.  One of the guards jumped on the belt, getting a stomach-full of shrapnel and dying.  Shining Armor charged up a incendiary spell and hit the exposed soldier with it, sending him flailing into the path of one of the other Guard's spell, and he exploded into a mess of burnt chunks of gore.

The other soldier pulled out an oversized shotgun leaped from cover, and emptied the clip in the general direction of Shining Armor.  The AAWH was hit by multiple spells, bloated, and burst, spreading entrails around like sick party decorations.

"Captain!  You're hit!"  One of the survivors said.

"Oh, shit."  Shining Armor said as he looked down at his armor, and saw a large shredded section on his front left shoulder, blood spilling from it.  The adrenaline from the fight wore off, and Shining felt the full force of the pain.  He could no longer stand, and toppled over, a pool of blood forming around him.

Chapter Body Count: 8

Act 1, Finale

Well, here's the climax for the Battle of Ponyville.  To sum up what's not going to be in this,  Applejack and her family are holding off the Auditor's men at Sweet Apple Acres, and after playing 2 hours of Project Nexus I've come up with a nice surprise for Act 2...  and this will probably be the last update for about a week, because I have finals and will have no chance to write anything.  Also, I have realized that I got the naming wrong on some of the factions.  The grunts are actually called the AAHW, 1337s are still 1337s, and AAHWs are actually ATPs.  ATPs are the guys with yellow blood.  AAHWs are the plain guys.  1337s are the Smiths.  Sorry.  The Madness Combat canon is, well, Madness.

The shuffling of the armies was quickly droned out by the screams of ponies trapped outside in the rain.  The legions of AAHWs, 1337s, and a brigade of ATPs were rounding the first hill, the caustic rain sliding off of their specialized suits.  They entered the outskirts of Ponyville, methodically slaughtering all ponies in sight.  Their goal was simple.  Recapture Celestia.

__

Deimos was luckily in the orchard when the acid began to fall, the thick canopies blocking the rain.  But he was stuck there until he could get some kind of shield.  He noticed a small patrol of ATPs in peculiar armor, standing in the open, the acid having no effect.  Deimos got an idea.  He whistled, and ducked into a bush.  One of the three ATPs approached and leaned into the bush, looking for the source of the disturbance.  Deimos pistol-whipped him in the side of the head, careful not to damage the armor, and stripped him down.

Now disguised as an ATP, Deimos butchered and maimed his victim until he was unrecognizable and assuredly dead.  He hung him over his shoulder, and came out of the bush.

"Took you long enough."  One of the ATPs said.

"Yeah, uh, here's the guy.  It was one hell of a chase."  Deimos said.

"Hey, you sound familiar..."  The other ATP said as Deimos drew his combat knife and dug it into a patch of combat webbing on the underside of the armor.  Deimos dislocated the arm, and rotated it, exposing the open vein to the acid.  The ATP screamed in pain and collapsed, clutching his arm as his circulatory system carried the toxin through his system, cooking him alive as he convulsed in pain and confusion.  The other ATP tackled Deimos to the ground, knocking Deimos's knife out of his hand.  Deimos drew his pistol, and fired, but the ATP slapped it out of his hand.  The ATP drew his own blade, and lunged at Deimos.  Deimos ducked out of its path and dove for the incapacitated ATP, taking his SMG.  Deimos rolled over onto his back and emptied the rest of the SMG's ammo into the ATP.  Deimos got up, retrieved his pistol and knife, holstered his new SMG, and departed towards a large bulk of the Auditor's men, heading away from Sweet Apple Acres.

___

Celestia knew what was happening to the residents of Ponyville as long as she was in hiding.  She gathered up her unicorn guards, and had them coordinate to form a large barrier over Ponyville, blocking out the rain.  Celestia trotted towards the library's exit.

"Princess!  Don't go!  You know what they'll do to you if they capture you!"  Twilight Sparkle pleaded as her mentor opened the door to the library.

"And that's why they aren't capturing me.  And Twilight, remember.  I will always care for you.  And tell Luna that she can't have my cake if I don't come back."  Celestia said in her most reassuring voice, smiled at Twilight, and left the ancient treehouse.

She strolled down the path at a leisurely pace, giving herself time to contemplate her plan.  She realized she had none, other than to protect her subjects.  She teleported to the outskirts of the village, and found herself surrounded by the things.  She charged into the center of the army, batting aside numerous troops with her magic, and impaling a few with her horn.  She reached the center of the army, and found a group of massive, hulking beasts, large spikes driven through their heads, surrounding her, dozens strong.  She had no chance of escape.  She had used up all of her excess magic on the way to the center.  And when an Alicorn taps into their pure, natural reserve of divine energy that grants them their immortality, it had to all be released at once.  And Celestia knew that.

___

Hank finished his trek up the mountain overlooking the forest.  He had found he had some sort of viral hunting ability, but it seemed to work better from higher up.  He had to find his target.  But the path spiraling up the mountain ended in some sort of cave, a pyramid of gems inside it.  Hank cautiously approached it, and picked up one of the gems.

"You dare disturb MY hoard?"  A booming voice shouted.  "You shall pay!"  It continued, and revealed itself.  A massive green dragon crawled from the shadows, smoke curling from its nostrils.  It approached Hank until it was almost touching him, and opened its toothy maw.  A jet of white-hot fire flew from the dragon's mouth, completely engulfing Hank.

The dragon ceased its attack after a minute of continued incineration of the intruder.  All that remained was a pile of ashes.  A red tendril of energy shot from the pile and arced back into itself.   And again.  And again, until the area around the ashes was entirely pure energy, forming in the shape of the intruder.  Hank cracked his neck, and leaped into the air, forming his claws and latching onto the dragon's snout.  The dragon shot jets of flame from its nostrils, doing little to harm Hank, as he tore apart the armored scales on the dragon's snout, eventually revealing white bone.  The dragon roared in pain, and threw Hank from its head.

Hank grabbed onto a stalactite hanging from the ceiling, and used his momentum to swing around it, shooting himself at the dragon.  Hank formed a blade from his right arm, and a claw on his left.  He latched his claw onto the dragon's upper left eyebrow, and dug his blade deep into the dragon's pupil, shredding the eyeball.  The dragon bellowed in pain, despair, and submission, and Hank swung himself into the dragon's eye socket, slashing everything that looked to be of vague importance.

He found himself at the dragon's brain.  He formed both of his arms into razor-whips, and drove them into it.  He shot more whips from his torso, impaling into the dragon's skull.  Hank began absorbing the dragon, from the inside out.  He tore the dragon to shreds, absorbing the smaller pieces into himself.  After a good ten minutes of work, only a few ribbons of dragon remained.  Hank felt himself grow substantially more powerful.  He needed to release some of it.  He exited the cave, and began.  He convulsed, a pair of bones shooting from his back, and growing into skeletal wings, covered in black and red sinew.  Hank flapped them, and shot up to the peak of the mountain, a good mile further up, in nearly an instant.

Hank absorbed the wings back into himself, the only sign they were ever there a pair of faintly pulsing red veins on his back.  He looked at the sky, and felt a force inside himself begin to break out.  He steadied himself, and shouted.  A massive jet of crimson plasma shot from his open mouth, almost like blood in appearance.  Hank formed his wings, and took to the air, a shadowy trail following him.

___

Twilight Sparkle galloped as fast as she could, already winded, as she was not exactly athletic.  She caught sight of Celestia flinging aside the creatures like they were flightless Parasprites.  Twilight knew Celestia would be okay.  Her mentor was immortal, anyways.

___

"You shall never hurt the citizens of this town ever again.  On my life, I swear that."  Celestia declared as the MAG Agents closed in on her.  She reared, and bucked it in the face, dislodging its mask.  She fired a lance of energy into the head of the creature, and it burst into flame.  She had little energy left.  There were dozens more approaching.  She had no other choice.  She hoped Luna was ready for the burden of ruling Equestria alone.  She released her divine magic, her immortal shell cracking, pure solar rays bursting forth from her, tearing her apart.  The rays incinerated everything they touched, leaving rows and rows of maimed, smoking corpses in the streets of Ponyville.

Her broken body slowly dissolved into the air, the last of her energy still devoted to her people, and joining into the sun, causing a massive solar flare to jettison from it.  The whole of Equestria was scattered in confusion as their sun exploded.  But one laveneder unicorn, and a dark blue alicorn both knew what had happened.

___

The Auditor knew what the massive golden explosion meant.  The uncoiling of his plans.  But not the cessation of them.  For this was a simple setback.

___

"Wakey-Wakey."  Shining Armor heard as he slowly opened his eyes.  A figure like that of the enemies' hovered over him, a single glowing piss-yellow lens protruding from the darkness.  It lifted an intricately engraved blade, and stabbed it down at him.

And that concludes Act 1 of My Little Madness: Nothing to do With Spartans.  Finale Body Count: 6,034

Act 2, Prologue

//access;nexus_entity//program;savior.//engage?/y/n: Y

Jesus stormed into the red-hued room, tackling the Soldat to the steel floor.  Jesus drew his magnum and pressed it to the ATP Soldat's head.  He pulled the trigger, a splash of mustard-blood coating the area around the body.  Jesus stood, and approached the table, where a white unicorn lay.  It had a bandage around its torso, and seemed to be awake.  A patch concealed a gunshot in his left eye, but otherwise maintained the same appearance has he had been using since being blown to smithereens by Hank.

He could sense to righteousness in the horse on the table.  He raised his hands, and crimson energy flowed from his palms, flinging the horse from the table.  It shot into the air, and began spasming, its veins pulsating with energy.  It was dropped to the floor, and Jesus retreated from the facility.  He flung a grunt into an air vent using his powers as he strolled from the building, shredding him.  He opened the door of a jeep by the facility, and set off towards a violent storm, the epicenter of which was a protruding mountain in the terrain.

The Savior proceeded up the mountain, passing a large pile of gems laying dormant in a cave, and arriving on the peak.  Hank turned to face him, and formed a pair of blades.  Jesus summoned his blade, and a crimson glow engulfed his empty hand.

"Welcome back, sir."  The ATP guard said as Deimos used the stolen ID card to enter the normally secure facility, and spun on his heel, driving a blade into the back of the unaware 'Elite.'  He proceeded down the hall, shedding his disguise, and drawing a pair of silenced Mac-10s.  He jogged to a door, and set up a flashbang on a tripwire behind it.  He climbed into a vent above the room, and shot at the door.  The ping of the round attracted the guards in the next room, who opened to door, triggering his trap.

He dropped from the vent and sprayed down the trio of ATPs, and went through to the now-empty next room.  A row of vats greeted him.  Deimos drew a grenade, and tossed it at a longer, more cylindrical tank in the back of the room, and sprinted from the facility, a massive fireball pursuing him.  He dove through the main door, the fireball fading out.

Sanford sprinted as fast as he could from the yellow blur, but he was unable to escape it.  He ran deeper and deeper into the forest, releasing a few potshots behind him, and felt his pursuer impact him.

Yes, I'm still working on this.  Sorry for the extremely large and unrewarding delay.