Planning (the Death of) a PartyView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorPlanning (the Death of) a PartyUgh, again?! Applejack, were you listening when I told you hard cider is bad for you?! Equines can only drink twenty-five cups before getting drunk and she's got twenty six here! Good thing I came along or she might have gotten sick. There we go, all gone. And I thought she was doing so well when she told me she was going to go steal those healthy apples. I hope that went better than the time I told her to steal candy from babies. Who am I? I'm Pinkamena Diane Pie. And no, I'm not a bad guy! It is my sworn duty to ensure that everypony remembers to behave healthy and safe! Don't you know there billions of ways to get sick or hurt every single second of the day? And billions of ways the 'fun little things' you like to do are just bait for a trap? You must always be on guard! Just hanging out with the others means I can do my sacred duty whether anypony wants me to or not. Like stealing candy from babies so they don't get cavities or pick up bad eating habits that early in life. I don't blame ponies (much) though, unhealthy habits are often hidden behind a big smile. The things that are worst for you look like they'd be the happiest things ever, but don't believe it! The cake lies! Paranoid?! I'm not paranoid! I'm honest!...Oh great, I'm getting worked up. Stress is bad for you and can lead to a heart attack or stroke! I need to go do my daily meditation and calm down. ...Oh wait, I need to eat lunch right now. Missing a meal is bad for you too. It zaps your energy for the day, leads to decreased nutrition, and might result in bad dietary practices becoming habits. Yes, even if you miss just one, you need a proper dietary regiment or you might suffer from eating disorders. Good thing I replaced all the food in the fridge with fresh fruits and veggies! Those things weren't cheap! “Pinkamena!” called Fluttershy, glaring at me. “Did you throw out all of our food?...Again?” “You can thank me later!” I reply. “This is much healthier!” “Sure, because throwing out food during a famine is so healthy,” she said, rolling her eyes at me. Well it's better to be hungry than put bad stuff in your body! No pony else seems to get that! They'd rather have something 'tasty' than something that's actually good for them! Don't they get that to survive the way things are now you need to be healthy?! Oh, Applejack's back. “How did stealing that apple go?” I ask. She gives a smirk. “Oh, Ah stole it, got it right here,” she said, pulling it out of her pocket. “Cool, you gonna eat it? Apples are low in fat, cholesterol, and sodium, and a good source of fiber and Vitamin C. Just be careful to chew each bite thirty-two times so you don't choke.” “Ugh...you're a walking medical encyclopedia, yah know that? Eh, maybe Ah'll eat it. With all the damage the Princesses did even the apples ain't sweet no more, hardly worth stealin' 'em...” she said, then went over to where her nasty stash of hard cider is and took a drink from one of the bottles. ...And then spat it out... “What in tarnation?!” “It's carrot juice!” I said, smiling helpfully. “You can thank me later!” “Thank you?! I do declare if you were not my friend I-Ah mean, if we weren't friends Ah'd hogtie you!” I gave her a glare. “Why?! That nasty cider wasn't going to do you any good! Carrot juice is a good source of Vitamins A and C, plus contains iron and calcium for strong bones! It's good for you!” “At least cider would make mah head stop hurtin fer on-hey, wait a minute! Are yah sayin' mah bones aren't tough?! All of meh is tough!” “It won't be for long if you don't take care of it!” Ugh...sometimes I think Twilight and Rainbow are the only ponies that ever listens to me. And even then they get distracted by every little thing. At least Twilight cares about facts and figures. “Ugh...Did you at least use mah credit card?” “Yeah, thank you.” “Good!...Ugh! Ah'll just go play some Grand Theft Chariot V, unless yah replaced all of the games with fitness games!...Again!” I gave a sigh. “I can't, Fluttershy won't give me the key to the game cabinet anymore and Twilight won't let me use her science set to make a fake key.” Well at least she left my games out where anypony could play them. Seriously, I don't know why everypony got upset when I did that before, who wants to sit on their flanks for hours having 'fun' when you could be working out and actually doing something?! After all, idle hooves are Celestia's playthings. You're only safe from temptation when you're doing something productive. Before our conversation could go any further, there was a crash and a bit of plaster falls on my head. Ugh! Now I'm going to have to disinfect my mane! This place is old, there's a five percent chance there might be lead in the paint! “Rainbow's back...” She sticks her head in through the window. “Am I still banished girls?” We both gave a sigh. Yes, we banished her to the roof. We had to! She's a danger to all of our health! Huh? 'Why are we still friends with her then?'...Because she actually listens to me. “Ugh...fine, just don't break any-” “Oops...Sorry...” Good, she broke that flower Fluttershy put up. It was way too bright and fun. It couldn't have been anything good...Probably was poisonous or something. I gave a gasp as her head went up. “Rainbow, you've got a black eye, where did that come from? Did you run into a pole trying to get that one scooter girl's attention? Or were you just trying to 'have fun?'” Rainbow had this fascination with some filly that was on TV, I don't know, I only watch Fawn Doo and Marcie Pan's show for nutrition tips. “No, not this time...Um...some ponies got mad at me and...well...I deserved it...” “Here, let me get the first aid kit, that could get infected.” Of course I patched her up! Leaving a wound untreated is just asking for trouble! It could get infected then she might have to have her eye removed! “Where the Tartarus are those ponies? Ah'll go teach 'em a lessen, and maybe get arrested for aggravated assault while Ah'm at it!” Applejack told her, giving a snort. “No pony messes with one of us!...Except for the rest of us!” “Actually, somepony alread-” “Girls!” yelled Twilight from another room. “Rainbow Crash broke something again!” Applejack called back. Huh? Mean? No, even she calls herself that. It's the only name she's ever given us. “I'm sorry...” “No, not that! Come here!” “'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!'” Applejack asked, looking at the headline. There was a big picture of Luna back to looking like she used to and Celestia...She looked actually looked nice...And for some reason like she was from Ponygypt. We were ALL just sitting there staring at it. Celestia had been there since before we were born. I've been watching her rampages on TV safe at home since I was a foal while she'd been destroying everything she could. Why do you think I have to jump through hoops to get veggies?! You think I like dealing with the black market to eat healthy?! That's only slightly less healthy than not eating right! Now...it was over? Just like that? That quick? “How?! What happened?!” Rarity asked, not seeming to care that much that she hadn't put on her make up that likely contains a lot of stuff that's bad for you. She apparently had time to put on a tacky Hearth's Warming's sweater though. Twilight looked down at the paper. “It says they were both purified of evil when-oh! Look, the price of milk went down!” “Twilight, focus!” Applejack ordered. “Sorry! Just it's been awhile since I had milk!” She had a point, a cup of milk contains 30 percent of your daily calcium requirements and is a great source of Vitamin D. “It says they were purified of evil when some objects from another universe called 'the Elements of Harmony' were used by King Sombra to pull all the evil out of them...and into himself.” “Wait wait wait, so now King Sombra's the BAD GUY?!” Applejack asked, basically looking as horrified as we were all thinking. Ugh...blind terror gets your heart rate up, that's not good for your health! “...No, according to this, King Sombra had the will power to force himself away from civilization...the Princesses are good guys now, and they helped King Tirek and the other heroes imprison Lord Scorpan back in Tartarus. Captain Goodguy, Duchess Chrysalis, Princess Trixie, and Starlight Glimmer are all returning home as well now that they don't need to keep watch all over the whole kingdom all the time.” We were all speechless for a few moments. Half the country probably is right now. “...I...I do declare I'm speechless...” Applejack muttered. “Yay! The evil Princesses are gone!” Rainbow Dash cheered. “They're probably trying to trick us all,” Fluttershy said, rolling her eyes. Our walking disaster area blinked. “Oh...sorry...” “I'm with Fluttershy,” I chimed in. “This seems fishy. It's too happy! And happy things are suspicious!” “It says here that King Tirek is sending his Centaurs to begin restoring the damage they caused. He's also attending a ceremonial party happening today to celebrate the end of this whole mess and to explain the restoration efforts,” Twilight read, then smiled wide. “Oh! If Lord Tirek is there, maybe I can go impress him with my knowledge of science!” “Twilight, focus!” Applejack of all ponies called. “...They're really restorin' Equestria?” “Oh! Yeah, they're going to use some mana transfer spell to transfer some mana from their kingdom back into ours to heal it, and their Cloud Gremlins are helping rebuild the pegasi cities while the pegasi are producing smaller storms to rehydrate the soil now that Celestia won't just evaporate them.” “Oh! So that's why the weather team wanted all the help they could get making a storm earlier!” Rainbow Crash shouted. “...It also says there was a small delay due to some kind of out of control storm...” “Oops...Sorry...” said Rainbow, pinning her ears. “...I just don't know what went wrong...” We all gave a groan. “Again?” Rarity asked. “So...are apples finally gonna taste right again?” Applejack interrupted. She looked at a picture on our mantle of some brown stallion she'd never tell us who he was or why she had a picture of him. “Uh, looks like it. They say everything should start recovering back to at least how it was when Celestia was alone.” Applejack smirked. “Great!...Uh, well Ah'll just wait for them new sweet apples tah come in and steal a boatload! That'll get ponies talking!” “I don't trust it...” I replied, glaring at the paper. “I LIKED them taking the sweet out of things, that mades things more trustworthy.” “Hey, it says here they actually got enough sugar for a cake,” Rainbow read. “I wish I could try some, I haven't had any in forever.” What?! They all nodded. No! Don't they see it?! “No way!” I yelled, glaring at the picture. This was too far! “Pretending to be good guys is one thing. Throwing a suspiciously fun party is another, but bringing CAKE into things? The one good thing they ever did was wipe out most of the sugar supplies!” “Hey, why is there a picture of us fighting the Princesses here?” asked Rainbow, looking at the paper, but I ignored her. This was too important! “Uh...Pinkamena,” said Fluttershy. “Assuming there is a problem with cake. How exactly do you intend to do that?” “I'm going to go to the party and talk to them...and hand out pamphlets on the evils of cake.” Fluttershy said something about them killing me if they really were lying, but I didn't listen. After all, how could anyone not see how obvious it was that cake was a bad idea? One serving of cake contains a full day's worth of trans fat! And you're better off not even having any trans fat at all in your diet! I got my pamphlets out of storage and Twilight told me she'd stop by the party later after getting some notes together (which given this was Twilight, would probably cause her to get side tracked by some random thing and take twice as long as she should). Rainbow said she had a friend stopping by. I didn't ask, normally 'friend stopping by' for Rainbow was 'somepony who's using her' and I usually let Applejack handle them. Well either that or Gilda stopping by to try and convince Rainbow we were bad news. I headed out the door and...Huh? A purple unicorn (well more of a light heliotrope I think) with a purple and aquamarine mane was standing there...a purple star with a white one under it and two blue wisps for a Cutie Mark? Wait a second... “You're Starlight Glimmer!” She nodded and said something about being here to see...Rainbow? I wasn't really listening. Starlight Glimmer is the one pony who might actually understand why I'm so dedicated to healthy habits! After all, she might be a great teacher, but she doesn't pull her punches! She can be harsh if needed! Just like me! And isn't being healthy part of reaching your true potential? So I explained everything I intend to do, she knows Captain Good Guy, Princess Trixie, and the others! She could put a word in for me! “So, as you see, the number of calories, artificial flavors, and trans-fat in cake simply is not healthy for anypony and cake is a horrible thing no pony should ever eat! So, what do you think?” Starlight rubbed her chin and looked me over. Her eyes felt on my Cutie Mark and she did some weird spell that made her eyes glow. “Hmm...you have a talent for getting others to listen, don't you? To influence others opinions?” I nodded. Huh? Parties?! Ugh, don't make me sick. Why would my talent be something as worthless and fun as a party?! “I see. Well, you've got a good knowledge base, you clearly do your research instead of pulling 'facts' out of your flanks, and you have the right amount of energy to be charismatic, but not annoying in and of itself, and you know how to focus it towards getting your point across, all of which are good.” “Thank you!” “But you're overly bias to the point of refusing to acknowledge the pros of the thing you are arguing against, some of your knowledge is outdated, and you clearly have a difficult time comprehending the concept of moderation.” “Tha-wait what?!” Moderation?! She's joking! This must be a test of how resolute I am! Starlight teleported and popped back with a big book. “Here, take this book, it's from Miss Ditzy the Wise's library, far more comprehensive than anything you'll find elsewhere. She wrote it herself, so you know it is high quality. I recommend reading it cover to cover so you can better support your points. I also suggest you pay special attention to the pages telling about the benefits of certain 'unhealthy' substances in moderation. You're correct that they can cause health problems and much of what you said isn't factually wrong, but a more balanced view will greatly increase the likelihood others will take your advice, seeing something only demonized is a turn off for most.” “Ugh...” I muttered. “I thought you were supposed to be smart! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! How can something as unhealthy as a cake possibly be GOOD for you?” “I didn't say it was good for you, I simply said that you need to take a more balanced approach to sharing your message. You're not wrong to suggest perhaps a healthier alternative or a smaller cake might be a better idea, but the way you say it, it sounds like you want anypony who thinks it's a good idea to be put in some re-education hut and told your perspective over and over again until they're indoctrinated.” “I tried that already.” Huh? Why is she staring at me like that? I was just trying to keep ponies from getting themselves hurt! “...Pinkamena?” “Yes?” “...Have you actually TRIED doing that to anypony?” “No, couldn't afford the building.” She gave a sigh for some reason. “Good...If you did that, you'd cause ponies psychological pain and undue stress, which would be unhealthy. Stress is unhealthy. And you don't want that, right?” “...Huh, good point, stress is pretty bad.” I hadn't thought of that...I wonder if you can get re-education chambers with stress balls provided... Anyway, Starlight told me she had to go, and so did I...also for some reason she suggested I go talk to Miss Ditzy and mentioned her having a special couch I could lay on and discuss mental health. Now, onto my plans. The party will be at King Sombra's royal castle. No, it's not the Princesses' castle, they haven't earned that. So I need to get there early and start handing out pamphlets. Huh? Why do I have pre-made pamphlets? I keep them all over the club house in case of pamphlet emergencies...in alphabetical order. The dangers of cake pamphlets are in the cabinet. Okay, the guards are back...well standing guard. I can't remember the last time they weren't busy keeping a closer eye out for the evil Princesses than your average crooks. I'll need a disguise... I put on a trench-coat and hat and put a little more energy in my step than normal. It's open invite, so no problem at all there, just need to hide it's me. Yes, I have a fake ID premade, it's kind of a necessity while dealing with the black market. Okay, get in line...Ugh, I can hear the loud music already! Don't ponies realize that stuff damages your ears?! The average rock concert ranks in from 110 decibels to 120 decibels, and it only takes 80 decibels to damage your ears! Not to mention it keeps people up at night no matter how much they want to sleep! Good thing I brought some light music...Huh? I like classical music and new wave music. It's good for meditation. Princess Trixie is the one shaking hooves at the door, like she always did when a big event like this is going on before she dropped off the radar (Rarity sometimes crashes them wearing the most garish thing she can get her hooves on and I sometimes tried to ruin them). Glad that routine was back...routines are healthy and safe. She'll be out here all night, so she won't be eating any cake. Good. “Hello, You Majesty, you are look quite healthy today, have you been working out?” I asked. I meant it too, she looked a lot more toned than before she disappeared. She blushed until she looked like me (she is Princess of Humility) and nodded. “T-Thank you, and yes...I was training with Starlight Glimmer in Our Town while I was gone. She said I wasn't living up to my full potential by focusing so much on Unicorn magic and I needed to practice with my other two magics if I wanted to stand up to Celestia and Luna.” No, she didn't seem upset with Starlight. She didn't seem upset at all really. Though she was a bit hard to hear over the music. It was too loud and she was too quiet. Good thing I came when I did, she might damage her hearing listening to it all night. “Well at least you're healthier now regardless, here, have some hoof sanitizer that kills ninety-nine point nine nine percent of bad bacteria, you're going to need it.” She looked at the sanitizer I squirted on her hooves. “Uh...thank you...That was nice of you...” “You're welcome!” I also gave her a pamphlet and the whole bottle of hoof sanitizer before going in. Ugh...There's way too much fun happening here, these ponies should thank me for coming, it's only a matter of time before somepony gets hurt! This can't be safe! Okay, time to start handing out pamphlets! Good thing I brought enough! I gave the first two to the big goods in the room, they were the ones with pull. Now onto all the guests. One for you, one for you, ugh! No that's not a napkin! Never put something you don't know where it's been near your mouth! “Pinkie?” I froze...only one pony in the entire world calls me that. I turned and there was my deadbeat sister Maud Pie. “...I don't know who you're talking about, I've never heard that name before in my life.” Maud put a hoof over my shoulder. “Come on, Pinkie, I saw Modern Ninjas Hoof Clan with you when we were foals, I know the trench-coat and fedora trick too.” I gave a growl. “The only thing I liked about that movie was that it showed the dangers of chemicals!” And even then, it was so medically inaccurate! I mean chemicals make most things die, not become bipedal evil ninjas! “So you admit you saw it,” Maud said, giving me a smirk. “So why are you here? Finally decide to actually have some fun and lighten up before you give yourself a heart attack?” ...And thus fun proves how dangerous it is, trying to have it with my sister once exposes me now... I snarled and snorted hot air. “I'm just...here! What are YOU doing here anyway?!” “Oh, me and the band are here to rock this place!” she explained, doing that stupid 'air guitar' thing she liked to do. Wonder she doesn't strain herself. “Sir Discord said these high class events tend to get dull, and needed a little bit of good cheer to liven things up!” Why is it when Rarity crashes a party in a puke green sweater, it makes ponies mad at her, but my sister gets away with showing up in a dirty old white t shirt? Because she's 'fun?' Because she 'livens things up?' Well I LIKE dull parties! They're safe! I rolled my eyes. “Shouldn't you be getting a real job now that the world doesn't 'need cheering up' anymore?” “Pinkie, this IS my real job. Making ponies happy, what's wrong with that?” “Stop calling me Pinkie! It's Pinkamena!” “You used to love being called Pinkie-” “No, you just think I did!” Her ears went back. “...Pink-...Pinkamena-” “Whatever, enjoy wasting your time and everypony elses'...” I storm off...wait... “And have a pamphlet!” Okay, now I can storm off...ugh, great, now I need to duck into a bathroom and switch outfits! Everypony is looking at me! Excuse me! Pardon me! Yes, Miss Smith, I've seen AJ recently, but she doesn't want to talk to you! Ugh...So my sister is still chasing dreams and wasting her time. I was hoping she'd have given that up when Princess Luna went bad and things got worse, but no! She 'had' to spread good cheer to everypony because 'it was more important than ever.' And she thinks I'm the one who's not doing things the right way?! Okay, let's see. Old grandma look, no one ever suspects a grandma. Maybe that's why Duchess Chrysalis looks like one? Why am I so well prepared? Because I'm not a lazy pony like Applejack. If anything I have the opposite problem. I have a lot of energy, like Starlight said, but if I wasn't not doing something with it, I'd be bouncing off the walls...Literally, it's humiliating and unsafe. So you could say I've got a lot of practice focusing my energy on things, and plenty of energy to focus getting ready for these things...I wonder if having this much energy is dangerous, I really need to see a doctor about it some time. The ironic thing is if Applejack would just work with me more often, we'd make a good team. Like the time we ruined the Apple Family Reunion...even if King Sombra thanked us for 'livening things up' and Applejack threw a tantrum. At least we sent a lot of ponies safely home early. Okay, just need to throw this out outfit away and...wait...why are my pamphlets in the trash? They're just throwing them away?! ...I tried to be nice, but I guess they won't listen to reason. Looks like I'll just need to do this the hard way. Good thing I came prepared for that too. Let's see... I sneak back in, Celestia is making some kind of speech, I don't know, this is more important. Okay, to start, let's turn this music to something a little bit less hard on the hearing. Better put in earplugs just to be on the safe side. Some nice classical music should help. And turn down the volume of course, it's a wonder anypony can even hear anymore! Better unplug my sister's stupid amps while I'm at it... Why not start with the cake? Because I need to get everypony distracted before I can actually do anything with it! I'm not Applejack, I don't want to get arrested! If I did, I couldn't continue to ensure everypony's health and well being! Besides prison food is TERRIBLE for you and they're about the most unsafe place on the planet!...Though they do have nice work out areas. That said, I can exchange most of the cookies and other junk food for veggies while no one was looking. Ugh...what am I going to do with this stuff? Maybe it'd be good fuel for the furnace back home, it's not good for anything else. Ugh! Come on, Al. E Zotl! Lower your tail....hand...thing so I can snatch those potato chips! Got 'em! Good thing he was talking to that somepony about his Bravery Blue books or he might have noticed me. “Thank you and the others so much for lending me your power to defeat my brother, Captain Goodguy. I don't know how I would have defeated him otherwise with how much magic he'd absorbed.” “Oh, King Tirek, it was a small price to pay to restore peace and harmony to the world. Though I must say, it was also interesting to witness a giant Centaur and Gargoyle duking it out like something out of a King Dracodora film.” “I suppose it was, though it saddens me I had to condemn my brother to still more years in that pit...excuse me miss?” I looked up at King Tirek as I was about half way through of snatching the bowl of fries right of his hand. The King of the Centaurs looked over at the refreshments, then gave a smile and laugh. “Oh, I see, you wanted some but it appears they're all gone! Here, take mine!” I took it. Guess this is why his nickname is 'King Tirek the Selfless.' “Um...thank you your majesty...have a carrot.” Thankfully, snatching a lot of their nasty treats and replacing them with nice healthy ones was much easier than stealing from Tirek. Huh? I don't care if this upsets ponies! Health is more important than being 'happy!' You can't be around to be happy if you're not healthy! Ugh, of course that means a lot of ponies are throwing my healthy stuff away to look for the more 'fun' stuff. But they won't find any! I have all of it but the cake in this bag and my pockets where everypony is safe from it! “Alright, everypony!” my sister shouted on stage, standing on her big pet rock Pebble (who still had that stupid grin she'd drew on his face). “I hope you're ready to rock!” Who's her band? Why should I care? Ugh...fine! Maud is the lead guitarist and vocalist, Octavia Melody is drums, Beauty Brass is the bass guitar, Franz Horseshoepin is on the keyboard, and Harpo is on the tambourine. I think Brass used to play...well, brass but decided to change it up and be unexpected. What would be unexpected is for them to actually get a REAL job instead of wasting all their time and everypony else's on ear damaging 'fun.' Hmm...still perhaps I could use them as a distraction to get rid of that awful cake... How am I going to? It's right next to the window, so I'm just going to open it and push it right out! Just need to sneak over there and get ready while everypony is focused on my deadbeat sister... Maud tried to strum a few cords but I had unplugged the amps and turned down the volume already. Good, I'm right in front of one of the speakers right now it'd be dangerous if- “Hey! Somepony mind plugging us in and cranking it up?!” I heard Octavia yell. Uh oh... Maud took in a deep breath. “Alright, everypony, let's rock and roll! I wanna see some smiles!” GAH! Ow ow ow...What?! Speak louder, I can't hear you! The guards are what? Oh, the Guards see me...and I dropped my bags and they spilled out...HORSEAPPLES! Good thing I'm in good shape! Okay....I...I got away...but I dropped my bag and had to throw my disguise off while I ran...See what I said about fun?! Nothing good EVER comes from fun! Ever! It's only ever made my life Tartarus just like this! That's it! I just wanted to make this party healthier, make is safer, but no one wants that! And my stupid sister will only be encouraged to keep this up if this is allowed to stand!...So it looks like this party is over... Huh? Why am I even doing this?! I've told you a million times! To make sure everypony is healthy and safe! Why do I want THAT so badly?...Hmph...I guess I can tell you while I get set up here. Maybe then you'll see just why this is so important! When I was a little filly, me and my family grew up on a simple rock farm in the middle of nowhere. There was no talking. There was no smiling. There were only rocks. And it was wonderful! It was safe! The most danger we ever had to deal with was blasting rocks, and we had rules and procedures for that! You know the advantage of being on a 'boring' rock farm in the middle of nowhere? Celestia didn't care about us at all! We didn't even have to worry about her because we didn't matter to her! Seeing whatever terrible thing Celestia had done on the TV didn't matter because it was happening somewhere else! We were healthy, we were fit, and we were fine! My Granny Pie thought it was best to stay that way, to stick to tradition and do things just right, and that making things fun was just a waste of daylight, so that's how things were done...But you see not everything was right in paradise. My parents were always trying to get whatever new high tech gadget came out whenever they could and tried to change my Granny Pie's 'outdated' rules to something more 'fun.' Maud was always all for it and so were my other sisters, and at the time so was I. But Granny Pie always taught me to apply all my excess energy towards hammering and moving the rocks, saying 'idle hooves are Celestia' playthings', so that's just what I did. I liked the breaks, but I was always more of a doer than a player. My sister's always been the opposite. We should have realized something was wrong with Maud all the way back then. I'd tell you more about my foalhood, but for most of it that's all there was and all we needed: rocks, rocks, and more rocks. It was routine, and I liked it that way. I felt safe that way! I didn't care what was happening everywhere else, all that mattered was in our own little world things were good! Cowardly? I was a foal what do you expect? But then one day...One fateful day, I realized how true what my Granny Pie said about fun was. If you asked me their names, I couldn't tell you. I was young, they didn't stay long. They were a group of rockers, like Maud is now. They found their way to our little piece of safety thinking 'rock farm' meant we were a farm for rockers (I should have taken that as a warning sign!). Naturally, they thought our humble way of doing things was 'dull' and 'boring' and decided to 'show us some fun.' We thought it would be 'fun.' My sisters thought it'd be a good break from working every day. My parents did too. The rockers even let us empty the fridge on their tour bus for the catering and every other thing they could get. And for three days, the party never ended. And their rock and roll never stopped. The sweets and junk food? I couldn't control myself and gorged myself on every last bit my hooves touched. I'd never had it before, so tasting that temptation was something I had no defense against, that I wasn't prepared for. So I ate so much I could hardly move. Oh, you think it sounds like fun? Hehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! By the end of it I was so sick I was bed-ridden for an entire week. We'd got nothing done, and we'd lost even more time than the bucking party took. And that loud music that never quit?! I hardly got any sleep at all, and was so tired I slept in till noon the next day! I went three days without one good night's sleep because of that noise, noise, noise, noise, what else could come from that?! It felt like 'fun' while it was happening, but in the end not one good thing came from it! Oh, but that's not even the worst part! The worst part was Maud. Maud got her cutie mark that week. She'd decided the thing she wanted more than anything was to be like that band because they'd made her so happy, she wanted to make others feel the same. They even left her a guitar. A guitar that I'd never hear the end of! She practiced all of the time. Every moment of her free time, that noise, noise, noise rang in my ears! I can't even remember how many hours of sleep she cost me! And our parents bucking supported her! They supported her wasting her time on something that worthless as much as they supported me doing something meaningful and working on the farm like we should have been! Thanks to that stupid band the one place in the world I felt safe was too loud for me to even think and a constant reminder of the worst week of my life!...And now everypony else is worshiping Maud for doing the same things, lured into the same trap of 'fun' as we were. Oh, and I once tried being fun myself you know. I was convinced to give it another chance. You know what happened? I gave my sister walnut brownies and it turned out she was allergic! Never once in my life have I ever had 'fun' that didn't turn out to be misery in disguise! Even after my sister moved out to 'follow her dream,' her concerts on the radio, her albums, and her CDs took her place! All that noise, noise, noise, noise! It never stopped! I couldn't stand it anymore! So one day I up and left, found Twilight, and never looked back! And I'll never look back until not one little filly falls into that same trap ever again! But I do thank those rockers and my sister for teaching me one thing: that nothing good comes from 'fun.' Nothing good ever comes from 'sweet.' Nothing good ever comes from 'indulgence.' It's all lies! If 'fun' is living, I don't need to live! I just need to SURVIVE! Because surviving is SIMPLE! It's SAFE! Why can't anypony but me see that?! Why doesn't anypony but me want to be safe?! ...Huh?...Is that why I hang out with the others? I want to feel safe?...Maybe...They're always constant, always the same. Never changing. Applejack will always have some crazy scheme, Twilight will always try to be popular, Rainbow Crash always screws up, Fluttershy always has some biting remark, and Rarity some gaudy new style...Predictable...and predictable is safe... When you run a farm, you're always prepared for pests...and sometimes those pests are useful. One in particular is known to eat any bite of food it gets its greedy little jaws on. It's the only thing on this planet that's safe to feed anything to, trust me. And once it starts, it will ruin this party. Then all these ponies get to go home and be safe at home in bed. I just need to let it get out of control. But this little pest happens to have an ear for music. It's the only thing that can tame one. So of course, I need to do something about that! I disguised myself again, this time just as a simple maid (I found an outfit in the closet I hid in) and used the fact the guards are looking for me to my advantage: they left the place I really need to get to more vulnerable than they should have. I knock out the breaker for the room. While everything is dark and everycreature is in a tizzy over it, I let my little pet loose. Go on little Parasprite, eat up all that nasty food and start spreading like wildfire! The Princesses and the other heroes are too busy trying to keep everypony calm to even notice! By the time the power is back on, they'll have to call the party off there will be so many! Party ruined, sorry guys! No dangerous fun here! Get home where it's safe! One becomes two, two becomes three! And they haven't even started on the main course yet! Buy buy nasty cake! I hope no pony ever makes another of you again! “Hey! Everypony!” My sister again, what is she up to- “I know you're a little freaked out right now, but listen to this!” Where did she get an acoustic guitar?! She's...she's playing this song our parents taught us when we were foals when we got scared...but... No! Stop! ...The light comes back on, and my sister didn't even realize my Parasprites had flocked to her music in the dark. Once the light is on, she just carries on, keeping them hypnotized while Duchess Chrysalis uses some spell of hers to change their focus and lead them off. I don't think most of the ponies even realized they weren't part of the show! They didn't even get the one thing I wanted them to destroy! UGH! Why do you always ruin everything, Maud?! Of course the guards are onto me heavy this time, and they know how persistent I can be now! They're blocking all the exits! Come on come one! Backstage! Looks like the guards aren't back there yet! “...Goin' somewhere Pinkamena?” ...Of course... I turned around to see my sister. She wasn't smiling. Neither was I “...Why do you have to ruin everything?!” She...looks hurt. “...I don't try to...” She trots over and puts my own pamphlet down on the table next to me. She...she kept it? “...I just worry about you...you're my sister, that's my JOB...And you spend all your time hanging out with five crooks and so high strung it's a wonder you don't have a heart attack. Then you go pulling stunts like that one back there...Somepony could have been-” “They're not crooks! They're my friends! At least they actually let me sleep instead of blowing my eardrums out every night!” Maud took a step back. “...Wait, what?! I didn't...how was I supposed to know that?” I blinked. “Because...well...because...Because it's common sense!” Maud looked down at her hooves. “...Look sis...maybe I did some things you don't get, and maybe I do you wrong sometimes without knowing it...but I never ignored you...you just never tried to tell me that.” “I shouldn't have needed to! It should've been common sense!” “...I'm all for beating to your own drum, but you like your drum to drown out everypony else's, sis...If I hurt you, I'm sorry...I never meant to...I just...sometimes have trouble realizing I'm saying the wrong thing, and need to be told to my face...But all I ever wanted was to make you happy.” I...She looks like she's going to...No! Not falling for crocodile tears! “SHUT UP! You have no idea what makes me happy!” “...Do you want to be?” “No! That's exactly the problem! I don't want to be happy! I want to be healthy! I want to survive! I just want to be SAFE!” We both stood there staring at each other until we heard the guard's hooves and I bolt out the door, no pony chasing me. I hear Maud say something to the guards but none come through the door after me. ...I need to head home...I...I need to meditate...let's just hope no pony is playing anything too loud....I've had enough 'fun' for one night. Maybe I'll read Starlight's book...
I Can('t) Help!View OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorI Can('t) Help!No!...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...Huh?!...What's that light?!...oh, it's daytime? Why isn't it super hot? Oh! Hi there! My name is Rainbow Crash, nice to meet ya! Huh? Why am I on the roof of our club house? I live here!...the girls banished me up here. I keep asking them to let me come back and they keep saying 'No! You're still banished.' I kinda deserved it...What did I do? Well... “Can somepony please carefully bring me that vial on the corner there?” Twilight said, pouring some yellow chemical things together in her little lab thing. She spent a lot of time there. I think Spike was sleeping at the time so he couldn't help. “And be careful! If you drop it, it might explode!” “I'll get it Twilight!” I called, being the helpful friend I am and got it in my hooves. “NO RAINBOW CRASH!!!” BOOM! Twilight said I just dropped it, but I tripped!...While flying...It could happen to anypony, even awesome flyers like me. Right? Right. And it's not all bad living up here! I get to sleep outside under the stars!...Even if Princess Luna makes it really, really, really, really cold at night and Celestia makes it really, really hot during the day. But other than the frost bite and the sunburns it's great!...Though come to think about it, last night was pretty nice, and it's not super hot right now. I can't remember the weather ever being this nice! Maybe that's why I slept so well last night! Well, for me anyway! Huh? So you want to know about my dream? Uh...let me think... I was an awesome superhero in cool powered armor! I saved everypony and helped everypony! I even managed to rebuild Cloudsdale, to make it back to how it used to be and everypony loved me!...But then...Cloudsdale fell apart...then it turned out all the good things I did just turned out to be bad things in the long run...And everypony hated me and banished me, then built a prison for me in the place they banished me to...and made me sit in the corner there...Then...then...SHE showed up...she...she... Uh...I-I can't remember anything after that, but I'm sure everything turned out great in the end! Why wouldn't it with a pony as awesome and helpful as I am as the hero? I bet it turned out SHE was just being a big bully and making it LOOK like I did everything wrong!...Right? Right! Where was I? Oh yeah! I'm still banished to the roof! It's nice but...I miss staying downstairs with everypony...How am I supposed to be helpful while I'm stuck on the roof? Oh! There's Applejack! I wonder where she's going! “Applejack!” I'll just jump off and glide down! Okay, just gotta land-OW! “Ouchies...are you okay, Applejack?” “Rainbow, get the buck off meh!” “Sorry...” I didn't mean to land on her, it must have been a wind current or something, even a great flyer can sometimes crash. I get off Applejack and try to help her up, but she knocks me off and gets up herself. Oh! Right, Applejack doesn't like getting helped up! “Where ya going, Applejack?” I asked, giving her a cheerful and helpful smile. “Gonna go rob an Apple store!” she said, adjusting that really cool hat of hers. Applejack is so badflank! I think she and Scootaloo would get along really well!...Applejack's so lucky, her little sister's best friends with her! I wonder why she doesn't like going to see her...or introduce me... “Cool! Can I help?!” I asked, giving my best 'I'm ready to help' face. “NO!” Applejack yelled, I whimpered and pulled back. “Sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad...” She gave a sigh and looked at me. “Ugh...Look, Rainbow, this requires bein' stealthy, and yah ain't that, got it?” “Okay...maybe next time?” “If Ah need to cause some property damage, Ah might call yah, alright?” “Okay!” Yay! I might get to help Applejack! I love helping my friends! Like that time I accidentally crashed into the food at that banquet! Pinkamena was so grateful I did that! I was helpful! Anyway, Applejack left to do her thing, and I'm not allowed to go into the house...Oh! I could go watch Scootaloo and maybe try to get her to notice me! Huh? Why do I like Scootaloo so much?! Why wouldn't I?! She's so popular! And she's so badflank, just like me! She's fast, just like me! She's a 'bad filly' like my friends and me! She's awesome just like me, except she's one hundred and twenty percent cooler! When she does a stunt, she doesn't crash!...When she goes fast, she doesn't crash. When she tries to do something awesome she doesn't trip and set off a chain reaction that destroys the entire room. When she tries being a bad filly, she does it...She's just like me but better! Oh! And she's on TV! How can you not think a pony who's on TV isn't awesome?!...Except the Princesses, when they're on TV, it's bad...Oh! And that time Pinkamena bought a public access show with Applejack's Grandma's money to teach ponies to eat better, and Twilight got jealous of all the attention she was getting...Or when Applejack's grandma got on TV asking her to come home. Applejack must have really hated that since she broke the TV... I try to get Scoot's attention all the time, but I just end up crashing...Sometimes into a camera pony or into a bunch of trashcans... or into a camera pony THEN into a trashcan... I think it's cause I don't sleep well the night before, I'm just so anxious! That makes sense, right? Right! And at least I still get on TV when that happens!...Even if I get laughed at...Especially that one time I crashed into a skunk den and stunk for a week. Twilight needed something to test some smell remover stuff so it all worked out! That was good luck! Huh? Why am I friends with the others? Well, Applejack protects me when I make ponies mad! Pinkamena makes sure I eat healthily and patches me up when I get hurt! Twilight is so cool with all her experiments and sometimes I get to be a test subject! Rarity uses me as a model sometimes! And Fluttershy...we've known each other since we were kids...I can trust her. They care about me, isn't that a good reason to stay with them? And I have other friends too! Like... “Rainbow?” “Gilda!” My friend Gilda walked up to me. She's is such a cool griffin! She's a royal guard!...To be a royal guard right now is really, really brave. She's also really nice and no matter what she never yells at me. She got an award for representing Temperance like the Film Flam Brothers got one for being fair! Isn't that awesome! Huh? What does Temperance mean? Uh...I think it means self-control or something... Anyway, Gilda wasn't wearing that cool red armor of her's. I don't know what it means, just that it's different than the other guards. Which means she wasn't going to have to rush off suddenly on duty! Yay! “Hello, Rainbow,” she replied, giving me a hug. “...How are you today?” “I'm doing good! I actually slept well last night!” “Yeah, so did I...” Gilda said, giving a smile. Why wouldn't she have slept well before now? Well, she's been really worried about keeping ponies safe from the Princesses! She's a guard after all! We ended up sitting on the roof for awhile. Sometimes we do that. The others don't like having a guard there, except AJ, but she doesn't arrest them. Huh? Why not? “...Gilda...if my friends are bad ponies...why don't you ever arrest them?” I asked. Gilda rubbed her head. “Well...mainly because I've had bigger fish to fry. Your friends aren't...really that good at being bad girls...besides, AJ would enjoy that too much.” “Yeah, she would!” I reply with a smile. “...Dash...You know I don't like you hanging out with those five, right?” she asked me, looking sad. “They're a bad influence.” “...Then why do you let me?” “...Because there ain't a lot of places you're happy. They're not really hurting anypony, and from what I've seen they actually care about you...I don't like it, but you're better off with them than without them...for now at least...At least you actually feel safe here...” “Oh...thanks Gilda...” “...But I've got some more fines for you to give them.” Wow, what did Pinkamena do this time? That's a big one for her! Huh? How do I know Gilda? We grew up together. When I was younger and ponies got angry at me, she never did...no matter how much I deserved it. When...when SHE tried to...Gilda protected me...Gilda always tries to encourage me to try to do things better. She's just...nice to me. She always has been. “So Rainbow, uh...look,” Gilda started. “Ya busy today?” “Huh? No...” I replied. “I was actually trying to figure what I wanted to do today...Why?” Huh? Why does Gilda look like that? She's not sad, she just seems kinda...conflicted. Did I do something wrong? “...Rainbow, the Weather Team is trying to make some storms to end this drought, they asked me to get any pegasi or Griffins I knew to help, they're kinda short hooved and need help...You see, the Princesses-” Gilda wanted me to help make a storm? Yay! I love doing stuff with Gilda!...We hadn't had any time to really hang out for awhile. Gilda's a guard...she...she had to go away for awhile, right? She...she wouldn't have just stopped hanging out with me if she hadn't been busy, right? She'd never leave me right? Right. But now we get to do something together again! I get to help Gilda! Yay! “Rainbow? Are you listening?” “Yeah!” I jumped up and hugged her. “I get to help do the weather with you!” “...Yeah...” said Gilda, then smiled. She hugged me back. “It'll be a blast...” “Alright, Rainbow Dash,” Gilda told me, they two of us in the clouds with a bunch of other pegasi and griffins. Cool! Maybe I can show them how cool and helpful I can be! “This should be something you can handle, okay?” “Anything!” I replied, trying to look eager! “They need some help busting up the clouds that are already up here.” I blinked. “But I thought we were making a storm.” “We are,” said Hoops. He's this really smart stallion we know. Well more Gilda than me. He adjusted his glasses. “But the clouds the Princesses allowed to be created are saturated with the dark magic they possessed, such that they could react violently if a storm is triggered utilizing them them.” “Uh...They what now?” I asked, blinking. He gave an annoyed sigh. “There's evil magic in the clouds the Princesses put up. If we use them to make a storm, something bad might happen.” “Oh...okay...sorry...” I would've got it first try if he weren't using such big words. “...It's okay, Rainbow, simply do your job, okay?” “Okay! Bust clouds, I can do that!” I shouted, giving a salute. “Yes, breaking things is a talent of yours, one that should be put to good use here.” Gilda elbowed him and then nodded. “Alright, Dash, let's do this.” So we got to busting clouds! Huh? How do I know how? What pegasi doesn't? And I'm a good helper at it! I can help clear the sky in ten minutes flat! Especially with Gilda helping me! I pull my hooves back and buck one, BAM! Gone! Gilda slashes another one in half! We both hit another and get rid of it together! We both zoom around smashing up clouds left and right. Gilda can't buck (she's not a pony), but she sure knows how to use those claws to smash 'em up! Okay, fly up then back down right through a cloud, Gilda doing the exact same thing! Okay, still a lot left but we're doing it! Gilda was smiling! I'm smiling! I missed this so much! I...I missed Gilda, I missed doing things with her...with my other friends...I- “You're doing good Rainbow!” Gilda called. OW! “Rainbow, you alright?!” Gilda called, flying down to check on me after I crashed into the ground. “Y-Yeah, I just wasn't watching where I was going. Was too busy with how much fun we're having!” But...when I back in the sky. I just kept crashing. I kept hitting the ground. Somehow I ended up hitting one of the good clouds they brought in. They shouldn't have put them there! “...Rainbow?” “Huh?! What?” I asked, jumping. “What Gilda?” She slashed a cloud in half. “What's wrong? You seem distracted...” “I don't know,” I replied, pinning my ears. “I think I just got a piece of cloud in my eye. Can't see where I'm going.” Yeah, that's it, I had clouds in my eyes! We were busting SO many! No way am I gonna mess up! Not when Gilda's counting on me! Huh? I busted a cloud while I was talking to her. Why do I care about making Gilda proud so much?...Because this is the first time I've been able to do anything with her in forever! And she's never given up on me...I don't want her to give up on me... “Captain Gilda!” Huh? A guard called her right as I went to buck- “GAH!” ...Oops... “Sorry, Hoops!” I called. Oh, wait, he can't talk right now, I missed the cloud and kicked him in that place stallions hate to get kicked in...now he's on the ground. That Guard distracted me so I didn't notice him there! “Ugh...Rainbow?” I turned to Gilda as she came back, huh? Why does she look so disappointed? “Yeah, Gilda?” She rubbed the back of her head. “Uh, Rainbow, look. We just got some intel and we found Spitfire. They need my help to come and help take her in. I gotta go...” “S-Spitfire?!” I asked, practically yelled. Spitfire? N-No, not H-HER! Why am I afraid of HER?! Because she's one of Celestia's minions, that's why! And...and when...she...in Flight School...NOTHING! NOTHING HAPPENED! I BARELY KNOW HER! Can we please stop talking about HER?! “Yeah, but don't worry, she lost that power up Celestia gave her, I shouldn't have too much trouble with her now,” Gilda replied. “O-Oh no. If she lost anything, she's going to be upset, and when she's upset she gets mad, and when she-” Gilda gave me a hug. “Rainbow, calm down!...Don't worry, she ain't gonna hurt ya ever again!...I swear I won't let her.” Why would she say that? B-B-Because we're friends! She doesn't need any other reason, right? Right! Of course, it's right! STOP TALKING ABOUT SPITFIRE PLEASE! “O-Okay...” I said, why am I shivering? “Alright...good luck, Rainbow, and glad that we got to hang out for a bit...” “Yeah...yeah, it was...” We hugged and she flew away...T-To beat Spitfire...to...to make sure SHE never hurts m-anypony! Ever again! Huh? Why...why didn't I ask if I could help?...I...I just didn't think she needed my help is all. That makes sense, right? Right! Now back to cloud busting and stop talking about HER! Ah! Come back here clouds! Why are you running away from me?! Stop it! Bad clouds! Now ponies are laughing at me! It's not my fault the clouds are running away from me! I...I'm going to let Gilda down...I can't let her down the one time...the one time we were doing something together in forever...I-If I let her down she might stop believing me and if that happened I...I... But what could I do? The clouds are making this hard! Why?! It...it must just be the bad magic that the Princesses put in it! That's it! They're just mean!...Oh! Wait! I have an idea! If they're going to move every time I try to kick one of them, then maybe I'll just wrangle them all up and bust them all at once! That's smart, right? Right! Here we go! Gotcha you stupid clouds! Now stay right here while I get your friends! Grab these ones over here, and these over here, and bunch them all together right here in the middle of the sky! See? I told you I'm an awesome helpful pony! Nope! None of you clouds are getting away! Not a single one! I'm not letting Gilda down! I'll show her she's right about me! And...and SHE'S wrong! Wow, I forgot I could move this so fast! And...and I'm not crashing all over the place! I might really do it! Yay! Gilda will be so proud of me! Okay, all the clouds are all packed up super tight together! Huh? Why is Hoops screaming at me to stop? All I need to do is bust it and them I'm done! GGGGGGAAAAAAAHHHH! Ow...I think I got electrocuted...everything tastes purple... Huh? Is it raining? Or hailing? It's so heavy I can't tell... “You idiot!” “Huh?” I open my eyes and see Hoops glaring down at me. The pegasi and griffins behind him are trying to make the clouds stop, but they keep getting zapped by lightning. “I told you that the dark magic could have a bad reaction if triggered! You've set off a wild storm!” I whimpered, pinning my ears. “That's...bad, right?” The wind is blowing really hard, the rain is stinging my face. “I. Don't. Know.” “Huh?” He rubbed his head like he had a headache. “It's a wild storm! There's no TELLING what it is going to do and pegasi can't stop it! And King Sombra can't just put up a shield to protect us this time! All we can do is just wait it out! And do you have ANY idea how much trouble that is going to cause?!” “A-A lot?” I asked. No...I didn't...I...The clouds must have...have... “If anypony had plans for tonight, they don't now!” he yelled at me. “Everything is going to have be canceled and rescheduled! You've ruined everypony in Canterlot's day, Rainbow Crash! Do you get that? No sports games of any kind. No plays. No concerts. No nights on the town. Because everypony is going to be too busy seeking shelter in case this gets very bad!” “I...I didn't mean to...I'm...I'm sorry...” “Sorry? You triggered a WILD STORM that no pony can control! Sorry will not cut it!” No...I...he told me that...I...I just wanted to... “Who are you trying to fool, Rainbow Crash? You think you're going to ever be able to do anything? You're never gonna get anywhere in school because because you're too stupid! You're never going to get anywhere flying because you're a klutz! You're never going to make it in the guard because you're too soft!” the fiery pony yelled at me...again...and again...and again...towering over me like an inferno. I feel so tiny that she could squash me like an ant, those orange eyes glowing like embers, her mane like fire. I feel like I'll burst into flames if she gets any closer. “You're nothing but a loser and that's all you ever will be!” “Rainbow...are you crying?” Hoops asked me, looking at me surprised. “No! I'm...It's just rain! And I caused it! I'm a stupid pony for causing it! I'm a bad pony who can't do a single thing right!” He took a step back from me. The ground was already muddy. “I...I have to do something!” Gilda, I...I can't let her down...I...I don't want to lose her...I don't want her to be mean to me... “Rainbow, I just told you! It's a wild storm! There's nothing you CAN do!” “Well, I'm not letting Gilda down the one time she trusted me!” He tried to stop me, but I just shoved him away. I flew back up and started trying to use pegasus magic to try and do something-AHHH! Ow...stupid lightning! I kept flying up to try and stop it...but I just kept getting hit by lightning and knocked back down...ow...this really hurts. Aren't pegasi not supposed to get hurt by lightning? “Rainbow, stop it!” Hoops finally yelled, grabbing me and actually managing to hold me back. “Stop it! I have to do this...I...I don't want to...” Gilda...First chance I got in forever to actually help her...and I make such a mess out of it! I...I...I don't deserve a friend like her...Maybe she'd be right to lose her faith in me... “And how will Gilda react if you're dead?!” I stop struggling. “She...why...why do you...you hate me so why do you...” Everypony hates me...my friends are the only ones that care about me... He lets me go and flies in front of me. “...Because you're a pony. I know the idea is probably a foreign concept to you considering the kind of attention you normally attract, but ponies don't let other ponies harm themselves!...And regardless, you are still Gilda's friend, and even if this is all your fault, she'd never forgive me if I allowed you to kill yourself!” “O-Oh...” This felt weird...I...I don't know how to... “T-Thanks...But...but what can-” “Have no fear! Captain Goodguy is here!” We looked over to see Captain Goodguy standing on a building all cool like he always does! Yay! Captain Goodguy was here! “Help get ponies to safety, leave the storm to me!” he called, giving us umbrellas out of nowhere, which kinda got torn up by the storm really quick. Then he flew up and began to suck some kind of black stuff out of the clouds into a bubble he made from bubble gum. So...me and Hoops rushed to get ponies inside...I ended up breaking some windows, but telling ponies about it wasn't that hard...It helped I was too hurt to really fly too well right now with how hurt I was, so I didn't have a lot of opportunities to crash... The storm was getting less bad, but it was still really hard to see with how bad it was pouring. I got separated from Hoops and-ow! “You! You caused it?! We should've known it'd be you!” Somepony tackled me out of the air and into a wall...ow... I looked up to see three pegasi. One of them is white and had a black belt Cutie Mark. Another is black furred with a knife Cutie Mark, and a third one is Score, one of Hoops's friends with a football Cutie Mark. He wasn't super strong, but he was smart enough he was still on a national team with strategy. “Blackbelt, that was a little rough, don't you think?” Score asked, but Blackbelt just pushed him aside. “Hi...I...I messed up...you're right to be upset but...I'm sorry-” Ow! Blackbelt punched me in the face...ow...I think I'm going to have a black eye... “You're sorry?!” he yelled. “My tournament got ruined because of your stupid storm!” “Blackbelt, calm down!” Score yelled, trying to stop him. “Are you defending her, geek?” he asked, making Score take a step back. “YOUR game got canceled too!” “Y-Yes, but I didn't want to hurt her! Just...tell her off, you know?” “Tell her off? How's this for telling this waste of space off?!” OW! I think I have a burn there! “Please stop!” Score begged but got knocked aside. “...Don't try to stop him, Score...” I told him. “I deserve this...” Score looked at me in shock. OW! It's okay...I deserve it...I'm a nasty, stupid, worthless pony... I can never do anything right...I'm never going to ever be able to do anything... I'm never gonna get anywhere because I'm too stupid...I'm never going to get anywhere flying because I'm a klutz...I could never make it into the guard because I'm too soft...I'm nothing but a loser and that's all I ever will be! Score tried to stop Blackbelt, but he just pushed him out of the way and kept hitting me. The other pony starts kicking me too. “What's going on here?” Huh? There was this light purple unicorn standing in the alley, keeping this pretty glimmering shield around her to keep the rain off her...Wow! She just put it above the entire alley without a second thought!...Ow... “Starlight Glimmer?!” Blackbelt yelled, looking really surprised. Starlight? But...wait...what...I don't...she's supposed to be up north... “I was helping get civilians to safety and heard the commotion, what's going on?” she asked politely. “She bucking caused it and we're teaching her a lesson!” the knife pony called. “I see...” Wow, she has a scary glare... She pointed to Score. “Since you appear to be the only rational pony here, please tell me what's going on.” “We already told you-” “QUIET!” Wow, that was loud. The knife cutie marked pony looked scared. “I was asking him,” Starlight said, looking to Score. “Y-Yes ma'am...She...she DID cause the storm...but I just wanted to call her out! I didn't think she deserved to get beat up over an accident!” Score replied. “He's wrong...I deserve this...” I said, not even trying to move. Starlight watched us silently. “Well, I can sympathize with you, but at this point, only Mr...” “Score, M-Miss Glimmer...” “Mr. Score and your target are the only ones not on the verge of being guilty of attempted assault and battery,” she explained, sounding kind of like mom when she was really mad at me. “If you kindly step aside, I'll be taking her into protective custody until Flim and Flam can take a look at her case and give her a just and fair ruling.” I'm being arrested?...I deserve it...I deserve everything... Blackbelt snarled. “No way! I'm not letting this little, walking disaster get off with a slap on the wrist!” “Uh, Blackbelt, this is Starlight Glimmer we're talking about,” the knife cutie mark pony said, looking scared... “You know, the one ROYAL GUARDS ask to train them?!” “Shut up, Chop! You know the loser deserves this!” Starlight kept that stern face. “She won't be 'let off easy,' but neither will you if you lay one more hoof on her, Mr. Blackbelt.” Blackbelt just got angrier while Chop backed away with his ears pinned back. Blackbelt snapped around and tried to do a judo chop to my head... There was a bright flash, and Starlight was over me with a shield around me to block him. “Tsk, using your special talent for martial arts to abuse a defenseless mare? Forgive me if I consider that a personal insult.” Blackbelt took a step back. “Her special talent is being a loser and a klutz!” Wow...Starlight looks really, really, really mad... “Oh really? You think there's such a thing as a bad special talent? Forgive me if I disagree.” Blackbelt gave a glare. He tried throwing some really fast punches at her, but she dodged the first punch, then blocked another with a force field. He then did some kind of fancy spinning kick, but she sent him crashing with a wind spell I didn't know. “I expected this from you,” Starlight told him, looking at him, her eyes and horn flashed for a moment. She sounded so...disappointed... “Ponies like you who look down on others need to examine themselves first. For example, your talent is martial arts, but you have no discipline. True martial artists never use that skill to harm the defenseless, or pursue a petty vendetta. You could be so much more.” “What do you know?!” he asked, charging lightning into his hooves and diving at her with some kind of punch I don't know either... Starlight caught him with a force-field, the teleported above him faster than I could blink and sent him into the ground with a beam, then landed on his back, pinning him down. “For starters, I've got some martial artists as teachers at Our Town, the best in the kingdom. You could be one of them if you tried,” she then used a stun spell on him. How do I know what that is?...I've crashed into a guard training exercise and gotten zapped by one before. “You're welcome to come if you like, once your sentence is passed.” She looked up at Chop and her horn and eyes flashed. “What is your special talent?” “Uh...knife fighting, ma'am. That's it...” “...I see...Repeat after me: you don't want to hurt this mare.” He gulped. “I don't want to hurt this mare...” “You want to go home and rethink your life.” “I want to go home and rethink my life...” “Good. Go do that. And by Chrysalis' mane, stop caring so much about what others think and make what you ENJOY making! You've got a cooking cutie mark, wear it proud!” Huh? He blinked. “How did you know...” “You carry yourself as a tough guy. You're either the genuine article or got a 'girly' talent and desire to look tough, and given your current behavior and that you lied about your talent, it leans more towards the latter. I've seen it a million times. You'll never reach your true potential if you care so much about what others think you stop carrying what YOU want. And it's perfectly possible to be a manly chef if it means so much to you. Come to Our Town and I know a few ponies who will gladly teach you, understood?” “T-Thank you...” Wow, I didn't know he could run THAT fast. Starlight then trotted over to me and...she helped me up along with Score. I stared at her hoof. “You're touching me...” “Yes.” “You're Starlight Glimmer and you're touching me.” One of Equestria's big heroes is touching me. And she's not trying to stop me from helping one of my friends do something bad! That's never happened before! “Yes, I know,” she said, looking proud. She should be, she's a big hero, not a loser like me... “You seem to have gotten yourself into a lot of troubles, haven't you?” “...Yeah...I deserve it...” “Do you now?...I do believe we have a lot to talk about...What's your name? You seem familiar...” “Rainbow Crash...” “...Gilda's friend?” “...Y-Yeah...she talks about me?” I wasn't surprised, I knew Gilda knew all the big goods... “Yes, she's actually asked me to talk to you quite some time...She said you're a good pony and she believes in you...you just need a little help learning to believe in yourself...And I'm inclined to agree...Perhaps I can be of some help, Miss Crash...” “...I don't deserve your help...I'm not worth it...” “That's something you need to learn about me, Miss Crash: everypony is equal to me, they're ALL worth it. Now come along...we have much to discuss...” To be Continued...
I (Don't) CareView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorI (Don't) CareUgh...I can't believe Pinkamena replaced all our food again. She never thinks things through at all. Oh well, nothing I can do about it I guess. Might as well just eat it, except the spinach. Huh? Oh, Angel just grabbed that. Let him have it. Huh, Rainbow Crash isn't on the roof. She better not get in trouble again, I'm running out of ways to charm people into leaving her alone. Who am I? Let me guess, know somepony who wants to ask me out? What? I know I have a pretty face, why not use it? It makes life so much easier. Well if you don't want a date, what do you want? Just to hear about me? Your waste of time. I'm Fluttershy. What? You want to know more? Ugh, fine, I don't have anything better to do anyway. I'm an animal expert. Yes, I know Canterlot doesn't have a lot of animals, why do you think I moved here? It'd be too much work anywhere else. Lazy? I'm not lazy. That's Applejack. I just don't think it'd be worth the effort. Why should I bother doing anything when you don't get anything back? If ponies give me what I want when I look and talk at them right, what's the point in trying to do anything else? It's worked for me so far. Anyway, guess it's my turn to check the mail. How do we get our mail when we have wanted posters? Simple: we all have fake names. Even Applejack, or 'Blackjack' as she probably wishes everypony called her. Never anything but junk mail and letters from AJ's grandma who somehow tracks down every single alias ever made. I wonder how long it'll take to her to realize she's wasting her time. Applejack hates her, simple as that. It'd be better for her to just give up and move on. If she wants a pampered little flower, I'd be happy to oblige, not that she ever asks. I never understood why Applejack would rather be a two-bit crook instead of living in the lap of luxury. Yep, just like I thought junk mail, junk mail, letters from Granny Smith. Oh, some science magazine of Twilight's. Don't care. Ugh, no, “The City of Canterlot,” I don't care about some bear in Canterlot Park. Not sure why you care either, shouldn't you be dealing with the two evil Princesses trying to kill us all every day? That's why you've been ignoring us. Besides, I've got enough stuff to last me for now... I'll just throw this somewhere. What else did we get? Well, here's the newspaper-Hey! Little Miss Science snatched it right out of the mailbox. I just glare at her. “Sorry, Fluttershy, I need to check the science sections,” Twilight replied. “Whatever....” I muttered and headed back into the house. It's the house's paper anyway. Worst that could happen would be Pinkamena cutting out any of the comics she thought were too fun or promoted bad habits or whatever. I was just going to look at the sells section and see if there was anything worth the effort to sweet talk the bits to buy out of some stallion or one of the others. It rarely was. Twilight snagged my tail with her telekinesis. You know for a girl so focused on science and stuff, she sure does like to use her magic. “What the...how? That...Fluttershy! House-meeting! Now!” House meetings were typical dull. Most of the time Pinkamena spent half of them going on about health. Twilight tried to impress us with some science experiment. Applejack would tell us what half-baked scheme she had cooked up. Rainbow Crash either saying how she messed up or what she had planned to mess up that day. Rarity and I just set in the back. I like the marshmallow, she knows what she wants and doesn't care what anypony else thinks. Just like me. I just prefer getting attention with a pretty face rather than a tacky Hearth's Warming sweater. And she makes a great distraction and loves being one. Rainbow Crash sticks next to me like glue as always. Wait... “Rainbow, what happened to your eye?” “Oh...I got some ponies mad at me...” she replied, covering her black eye. “I deserved it.” “Do I need to do some talking to get them off your flank?” “Nah, somepony took care of it...thanks, though.” Well, that saves me some trouble. Why cover for her? So we don't have somepony coming to the club house to beat up Rainbow Crash. That's all. Anyway, better see what's going on. “'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!'” Applejack yelled, looking the newspaper. Yeah, just what I thought, something pointless...Wait what? What?! Seriously, what the Tartarus?! You already heard about the Princesses and King Sombra?! And you didn't bucking think to tell us that earlier?! UGH! Are we the last ponies to find out the Princesses supposedly turned good and Sombra's a bad guy now?! You'd think it'd be pretty hard to miss that! Especially when there was apparently some big battle or something! Apparently Lord Scorpan is back to rotting in Equestria, due to another huge fight we never bucking heard of! When did we suddenly live under a bucking rock?! Oh, and Rainbow Crash caused some wild storm, but that actually makes sense. Ugh, great, just great, now the two biggest threats in the entire world are gone. The guard will have time to pay attention to little nuisances like us. Or the Princesses are still plotting to kill us all and just pretending to be good. Probably both, and now I can't use those forged letters I made with King Sombra's signature anymore. Pinkamena being Pinkamena decides it'd be a good idea to go to a party where both of them are going to be and tell them how evil cake is. I didn't hesitate to tell her how brilliant an idea she had. “Hey, genius, you do realize if they are still “evil,” they're probably going to kill you for questioning them, right? Kind of hard to be healthy when you're dead you know.” Mean? No, I'm honest, there's a difference. She just ignored me and went to get her stupid pamphlets. Though I admit, I'm tempted to go try some cake, haven't had anything sweet in years...Twilight just left to go get ready. “Um...everypony...” Rarity interrupted, looking a bit confused for some reason. “Rainbow Crash was right...there is a picture of us fighting the Princesses...” What...wait...What?! Seriously, missing some big battle at the Princesses' Castle is one thing, but how did we miss the six of us saving the world?! Twilight, what did you do?! “Did Twilight try to clone us again?” Rainbow Crash asked. Yes, the egghead had made an attempt to clone us. It worked about as well as a lot of her experiments. “I do not believe so...” Rarity said, all four of us checking ourselves over to see if we were missing anything. When you live with Twilight, you tend to keep an eye on your body. “Oh! Here it is! It says they're from that other world the Elements came from!” said Rainbow Crash. Huh, look at that, she's right. “Applejack, did Pinkamena throw out the cider again?” I asked AJ. “Yep...” “You sure we didn't drink it all?” “I wish, dear...I mean...Ah sure wish! It'd explain a lot...” “Are you dreaming?” Rainbow suggested. “OW!” Applejack punched me in the front leg. “Ouch!” she yelled as I hit her in the front leg at the same time. What? “Well, we ain't sleepin'...” “Oh...am I sleeping?” No, we didn't punch Rainbow Crash. That'd be like kicking a sad puppy. Besides, she gets abused enough in her nightmares that it wouldn't matter. “Ow!” so she just bit herself... “No, I'm awake...” “Well Ah don't know about you, but Ah think the alternate versions of us part is just a buncha horseapples,” Applejack interjected with a chuckle. “Ah mean seriously, meh as a good girl? As if! Not even in another world!” I gave a chuckle myself. “Yeah, I mean me doing something for another world? As if!” “...I don't think being that me would be that bad...” Rainbow muttered. Okay, to be fair, anything's an improvement for her. Rarity looked at herself. “...Well, I'd certainly get attention...” Before this unbelievably weird conversation could continue, there was a knock on the door. Wait, who would knock on our door? Oh, it's Starlight Glimmer. Wait, what?! Starlight Glimmer is standing at our door. Why is she standing at our bucking door?! Applejack put on that tough girl act she liked doing. “Ah can't believe it! Starlight Glimmer came to capture meh!” Of course the knucklehead would want to get arrested, she always did. Starlight blinked. “Oh! No, don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong that I know of...” “What? Well...Ah stole an apple.” “...From where?” “The Apple Family's store!” I hope she's not as proud of that as she's trying to convince us she is. “...Technically it's from you family store, so I don't think that counts.” “Dagnabit!” “And besides, stealing an apple isn't exactly arrest worthy. At worst you'd get a fine.” Okay, if she's not here to arrest Applejack (big shocker) why is she here?! “Hi, Starlight!” called Rainbow, flying over. Of course. “Rainbow Crash, you brought Starlight Glimmer here?!” I asked. “Why?!” “Don't blame her,” Starlight replied. “She's under protective custody.” “...Let me guess, that wild storm?” I asked. “Yeah...” Rainbow replied, looking down. “Some ponies got mad at me and Starlight saved me...and kind of offered to help me a bit...” “Ah,” I muttered. “You know you're a moron, right?” Rainbow Crash whimpered but come on! Even Applejack knows better than to lead somepony right to our clubhouse! She could've told her to meet her something else, but no! She just had to be honest! There's being like a whipped puppy, and then there's just doing something dumb! Starlight Glimmer cleared her throat, reminding us we weren't alone. “I already knew where Rainbow Crash lived already; Miss Gilda told me.” Looks like the bird can't keep from squawking after all. “...So you're not here to arrest us all?” Applejack asked again. “No...unless you do something stupid,” Starlight replied, giving us a glare. Don't tempt fate. “Then Applejack should just go to her room,” I said bluntly. It was true, knowing her she was probably going to try to attack her wanting to get arrested. Where's Rarity? I need somepony else who's sane! Oh, right, she probably went to change her outfit to something more shocking with an important pony around. Starlight looked at me, and her eyes glowed weird. “Hmm...An animal expert, correct?” “Yes...You have a spell that let's you know that?” “Yes, I do.” “...That's creepy,” I muttered. “You know, if you're as rude and confrontational with animals as you are with your friends here, you'd probably be a lot better at your talent if you tried being kind. Most Animals respond better to a mixture of kindness and aggression, not just one or the other. That may earn you respect from them, but that's all you'll have. While it is a needed skill to get animals to see you as their alpha, not all animals respond well to it.” I snarled. “Oh and what do YOU know about MY talent?!” I scoffed, rolling my eyes, then remembered something; I was talking to somepony who could tie me into a pony pretzel with her mind if she felt like it. Open mouth, insert hoof. “Tell me, Miss...Fluttershy, correct? Have you ever tried that rude behavior on an animal who's default response to aggression is to use a defensive mechanism? Like a skunk for example?” … Applejack practically falls on her back laughing. NO MY FACE ISN'T RED! “Oh yeah, she did! Remember Fluttershy?!” “I...well...” No, I'm not hiding behind my mane! There was a skunk under the club house, I tried to get it out of there in exchange for Twilight buying me a game I wanted it, it sprayed me because I apparently offended it somehow. That's all there is to it. It just ended up causing me a lot of grief until Pinkamena gave up the tomatoes to clean me off. And Applejack just doesn't like to let that die. “Those good looks of yours didn't do yah much good when ponies were too busy coverin' their noses tah look to it, huh?!” The stupid two-bit crook said, putting a hoof over her nose. “STOP IT!” Rainbow Crash put a hoof on my shoulder. “I didn't laugh at you, Fluttershy...” “And I'm assuming you tried just to order it into leaving?” our stupid interloper asked. “Skunks tend to respond to aggression by becoming defensive. Compassion would've done you much better dealing with something that isn't afraid of bears.” “Well, I've got to go get a bear out of the central park, I don't have time to listen to this,” I replied, showing the letter and leaving. I could care less if Applejack got herself arrested! Let her! At least now this stupid pointless job actually serves the purpose of giving me an excuse to get the buck out of there! Rainbow Crash? Let Starlight Glimmer try if she wants to. Ugh, she just didn't get me, you know. I know I could be a better animal expert, I just don't think it's worth it. I mean I only do half the jobs I get, so why do I need to be that much effort into it? Just enough to get paid is all I need to do. Normally, if a stallion hires me, I charm them a bit. Why is there a bear even there for me? Simple, running from the evil Princesses, of course, duh. Why else would a wild animal go into one of the most populated places in Equestria? Ugh, and there's another way this stupid mess with them is going to make my life harder. Like it needed to be. What do I mean? Well for starters my hometown got destroyed, is that hard enough for you? I guess you want to know more? Fine, whatever! You know about Spitfire, right? Thought so. Well before she was all of Equestria's problem, she was ours. Mine, Rainbow's, and Gilda's. If you've seen Rainbow Crash, you can guess what that was like. Rainbow was her favorite victim, but she targeted me and Gilda too. Why do you think I hang out with Rainbow in the first place? Birds of a feather stick together. I was the lucky one, though. Spitfire only targeted ponies who flew well, and I only passed flight school thanks to a teacher deciding to have a bit of pity on me. Oh, I still got picked on for that, just not by Spitfire, just the jocks who were afraid of her. Gilda didn't know when to shut her beak and was lucky she didn't get it broken. Don't know why she kept trying. Never did any good. Never made her stop, so why keep trying? At least she finally wised up and stopped calling Rainbow by her real name around Spitfire. Huh? Oh, you thought Rainbow Crash was her actual name? I'd laugh if it were funny. I'd tell you her real one, but trust me, you'd be doing her more harm than good calling her it. Did I do a thing?...No way. Don't look at me like that! What good would it have done exactly? You think she'd have backed down just because it was two on one?...That one more pony would've meant anything?...That somehow Rainbow Crash wouldn't be the wreck she is if I'd just done something?...As if...it'd just have gotten me on Spitfire's hate list too. Anyway, during the mess that was growing up, I did find something out one thing. When you've got a pretty face, colts tend to be a lot more generous and helpful. And thankfully for me, I've got quite the pretty one. Sure, they only cared about my looks, but that was better than being 'just' a weak flier. And if Spitfire could get away with the horseapples she pulled, why should I care who I got to help me out? All I needed to do was make sure to not do to good so Spitfire didn't feel I was challenging her territory, easy enough to do. Worked like a charm and I was doing pretty well for myself there, and barely had to lift a hoof. Of course then Spitfire went nuts and helped Celestia blow up Cloudsdale and all of that went bye-bye. Had to start all over from scratch. Decided never to build up anything too big just in case things gets annihilated again. Just never saw the point in it. That's as close to a “backstory” as I have. Are you satisfied now? We're here anyway. “Hello, you must be Miss Fluttershy?” asked...wait, what?! And I know I'm saying that a lot but today seems dedicated to being crazy! Sir Discord was waiting for me! You know, a guy who got knighted by King Sombra himself?! First Starlight Glimmer, now Sir Discord, what's next, Captain Goodguy?! What? No! He's not Sir Discord! Sir Discord wears glasses, Goodguy doesn't; and what knucklehead takes off the thing they need to see to fight crime?! He couldn't see! Besides, why would somepony like Captain Goodguy pretend to be a regular guy without superpowers? I know I wouldn't. “Um, Miss Fluttershy?” “...Uh...hi...you're the one who sent the letter?” He nodded, giving a smile. “Why yes, you see as I said, there's this bear causing trouble in Central Park. The darn thing just doesn't want to go,” he explained, sipping a glass of chocolate milk. “We need to get them out so the Centaurs can start revitalizing the trees. And Miss Gilda speaks of you all the time, so I decided to call you in.” Gilda...suggested me? Ugh, what's the bird want? Back to my currently weird life, Discord offered me a glass of chocolate milk. I took it, free milk, never turn down anything free. “Huh, this is sweet for once...” “Yes, Captain Goodguy took the opportunity to start using his powers for the restoration of sweets. He has quite the sweet tooth you know.” “Can't say I argue with that...” Darn it, now I'm going to have to find a way to hide sweets I get from Pinkamena. “So...what's in it for me exactly.” “Well, the standard commission price and I was thinking perhaps I treat you for dinner if you do a good job.” “Dinner? Not that I'm complaining, but why?” Then again, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty. I toss my mane just to be on the safe side. “Just felt like a nice thing to do. I am calling you all the way out here after all. And you do remind me of somepony I know.” Sir Discord is paying for my dinner? Not arguing with that. Especially when the best I expected out of this was an excuse to get away from the house for awhile. “Sounds fine to me. My roommate just threw out all our good food because it was 'unhealthy.'” “Fair enough, now if you excuse me, I've got a party to go to, I'll meet you here shortly, okay, my good mare?” “Sure, I think I can wait...” Not like I have anything better to do. “Good, I will see you then.” He then got on a weird mini scooter thing and headed off. Weirdo. But he's a famous weirdo. Well, I guess this whole thing wasn't a total loss. Shouldn't have to do anything for a few weeks and can get a good meal that isn't just health food. And I know just how to run out the clock. “And now I'm going to have to jump through so many more hoops not funny! You know what I mean?” The bear gave a growl and nod, laying at the side of the tree he'd been in since I got here. The tree was the same as everyone in the surrounding area, dead, but Mr. Bear didn't care. Why did I become an animal expert? Simple! Because they'll listen. When I need to complain about something without getting snarky one-liners or anything like that thrown in my face, I can rely on animals for that. They don't care how I live my life; they don't try to change me. And they don't insult me. They just listen. “Um, Miss Fluttershy.” Mr. Bear roared at the Centaur that interrupted us. Good bear! “What?” Huh, you know he's surprisingly calm for a guy having a bear growling at him. Then again, Centaur, I guess. “We need to begin the mana restoration. Please do your duty.” “Ugh...fine...” Besides, it's almost time for Sir Discord to come back. “Okay, Mr. Bear, the ponies, and centaurs, are trying to get you out of here, so it'd be for the best if you just leave.” He roars at me, predictable. “Hey! Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just doing my job. They, on the other hoof, will shoot you with some tranquilizer darts if you don't get out of here. And that wouldn't be good for anyone, now would it?” The gives a growl at me. “I know, it's not fair, but well, you can't stay here if you don't want a tranquilizer in the butt, and you don't want that, right?” That got rid of him. He's not a happy camper, but eh, they just paid me to get him out of the park, he's not my problem anymore. Guess I'll just sit and wait for Sir Discord...Oh, the centaurs? They started doing this one weird thing where they more or less throw up mana into the ground. Like literally, they open their mouths and magic comes out. Huh? Wait, the ground! I...I...I'm a pegasus, but... I don't need Earth Pony magic to see that it's coming back to life. It's changing from that dull brown it's been since Luna back-stabbed us for her sister. Grass started growing up, a little pink posey sprouting up right in front of me. I got a flower for the kitchen (assuming Rainbow hasn't broken it by now) as payment for something before, and it was very expensive the way things were...this... “Miss Fluttershy?” I jumped about a foot into the air when Discord decided to yell in my ear. “Geeze! Don't sneak up on somepony like that!” “Sorry, I apparently have a habit of surprising ponies,” he replied, trotting up next to me and taking pictures of the centaurs with his camera. “Beautiful, isn't it?” I scoffed. “I guess...Just caught me off guard that's all, and I just like flowers...” Oh, you try not staring at the green ground after a three year drought! “Why?” “They just seem pretty.” Yeah yeah, I like flowers, sue me. They're pretty like me, and they're like animals; I can complain all I like to them, and they won't complain or get mad, but you know they're listening. Oh? Don't you know? Plants grow better when you talk to them. Duh. “Ah, I see. Well, that's as good a reason as any,” Sir Discord replied, taking a few more pictures. “Not everything needs an explanation, after all sometimes the most fun things are the ones that make no sense.” I rolled my eyes. “Sure, I guess. So can we go? I got rid of the bear.” “Certainly, come along.” We went to a nice restaurant, well nice is relative. Nice in the Tartarushole the Princesses made the world is 'slightly bigger portions and mildly tastier food.' What? You think the nobles were any better off than the rest of us? Even the ponies in their ivory towers can't do much when there's no rain at all. For most of the meal, I just set eating and didn't talk. “So, Miss Fluttershy, I hope you're enjoying yourself,” Discord asked. “Eh, it's okay,” I replied, and that's what it was, not great or awful. “Wait, you're dipping french fries in ice cream?” He swallowed one of the dang things whole. “Yes, one of my personal favorites.” “...That's gross.” “Don't knock it till you try it, salty and sweet are an excellent combination...here, try one?” “Ugh, do I have to?” “It's some of the sugary ice cream that Captain Goodguy has generously donated.” “...Fine...” Can't be any worse than half the 'healthy' stuff Pinkamena tries to force feed us. I'll just eat it quick and get it over with....hmm... “Huh...they're okay...can I have another one?” He gave a smirk and handed me another one. “...So...you hang out with Rainbow Crash, correct?” “Yeah...” “Gilda talks about her a lot...she seems to be a little bitter at you for some reason.” I scoffed. “Surprise surprise.” Gilda ended up being a guard, risking her life every day for ponies who don't even know hers, I'd be bitter that somepony else was getting by on looks and smarts too. “Guess the Temperance stuff is just horseapples.” “Now I wouldn't say that. Sure, she has her limits...but if she wasn't a temperate griffon, would you have heard that from me first?” “...Maybe...You never know.” “...But she also says she is grateful to you for one other thing.” “...Grateful?” “She's grateful you've never abandoned Rainbow Crash...why exactly is that?” “...That's none of your business.” He shrugged. “I'm just a curious sort, comes with the territory,” he replied, tapping that fancy camera of his. “From what she tells me, you don't do much if you don't feel it's worth it. Something your interactions with me supports. So, the question of the day is: what do you get out of staying a true friend to a mare like her?” “...She's just a pony I know, and that's it.” “Your friend?” “...So what if she is?” He gave a smirk that made me think I'd just somehow lost a chess match I didn't know I was playing. “So what indeed...huh?” There was a loud roar outside. We turned to see Mr. Bear growling at a garbage pony trying to shoo him off from the trash bin he was sleeping on. Then going kind of berserk and throwing the guy across the street. Sir Discord got up and looked about ready to run out to do something, I just set and kept eating. He blinked and looked back to me. “...Isn't that the bear you were supposed to get rid of?” “Yep...you said get him out of the park, and I got him out of the park...for the record, I did not tell him to do that.” See, that's why I don't try to be worse. If I did stuff like this on purpose, I'd be on the most wanted list like that one eco-terrorist hippy. What? You think I can't do that? Hehe...remember what I said about doing well enough to get by but never enough to attract unwanted attention? Applejack wants to be a big tough bad guy; I don't. “...Are you going to do something about him?” Mr. Bear just threw a car or something. “...Eh, I did my job already, let somepony else handle him.” “...Well,” he muttered, tapping his chin. “If you can get him to stop-” We heard a crash as Mr. Bear smashed a window. “-doing that, I'll pay somepony for some renovations to your little clubhouse.” “...The clubhouse?” He nodded. “If I give you the money, I know it'd never be used for that.” “...Smart...” “But think about it. Not only do you get a nicer place to live, but your friends will also be grateful, and I'm sure Rainbow Crash will appreciate it.” ...Hmm...continue living in a run down cottage with a leaky roof, or get renovations? And maybe Rainbow Crash proof it a little bit...Can't say the guy doesn't know how to make it good. “Fine, I'll do it.” Why'd I trust him? King Sombra didn't knight just anypony. Besides, even with the weird questions, I wasn't about to pass up free stuff. All I had to do was get Mr. Bear to go somewhere else. “Good, I also need to find a phone booth...because reasons.” Okay, just trot up to Mr. Bear and talk him down. Wow, seeing him trip over a carrot dog cart reminded me of how terrible an angry bear is. I think the carrot dog cart's on fire now, eh, not my problem. “Hey, Mr. Bear,” I said, just looking up at him. “Look! I know you're clopped off, but think you can cool it off alread-AH!” He just tried to swipe my head off! “Hey! Don't shoot the messenger! It's me!” Okay, Mr. Bear tells me he's just angry, has no where to go, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So how do I get him out of here without making him madder? Well...we do live outside of the city limits...sorta. “I think I know somewhere you can crash.” No! I'm not inviting a bear to live in our house! But there is a cave nearby. And it's not like I'm going to keep him there! If Equestria's getting restored, he'll get to go home soon enough! Besides, he can take care of himself. I mean, seriously! Do you know how much it'd cost to FEED a bear? More than I'm willing to pay! Let him find his own food! “So do we have a deal?” Mr. Bear nods and politely heads to wait for me to leave. Okay, there, done. That was easy-Oh, right standing next to a burning carrot dog cart and next to several dry trees...well, this was a bad idea. Oh, horseapples! Flaming tree falling at my head!...Wait, what? I looked up to see a draconquus in red spandex standing over me and holding up the burning entire tree with an oven mitt. Okay, called it, I have now met Captain Goodguy. I'm not complaining, though. I like being alive, and not on fire. “Are you alright, citizen?” I nodded. I just got saved by Captain Goodguy, and even I'm not going to snark at that. “Alright, let's do something about this fire, shall we?!” he announced, throwing that flaming tree aside and reaching into his utility belt, producing...pack of mints? “Hmm, was going for fire retardant foam, but this will do.” He ate the whole pack in one bite, took in a deep breath and blew, his breath turning blue and freezing the trees to put out the fire...and also making everything smell like peppermint. “Stay here, Miss, I'll only be...oh, a few minutes.” He wasn't kidding either; it only took him a few minutes to fix up the damage from a bear rampage. Though the town did end up with some clashing colors I'm pretty sure Rarity would approve. For some reason, Equestria's greatest superhero wants to talk to me. I'm about to be arrested aren't I? “Hello, Miss Fluttershy, I've heard a lot about you from Starlight and Sir Discord, care to talk for a little bit?” Wait...what... “Okay, wait, wait, wait!” I exclaimed. “First Starlight Glimmer, then Sir Discord, and now you, is today 'National Mane Six Are Important' day or something?!” Seriously, why?! I almost died, forgive me if I'm a little bucking hysterical right now! He snaps his fingers, and we're on a roof. And he's upside down for some reason. Oh, wait, I'm upside down. “Why am I upside down?!” He rubs his head. “Sorry, comes with the territory. My PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS...” Yikes! He just grew like three times his size and fireworks are going off! Is that a plaid sun in his claw?! “...have a little bit of a mind of their own...” Now he's back to normal, and a glowing purple plaid version of him is waving at me before disappearing into him. Seriously, did I drink all of Applejack's hard cider while I was sleeping before Pinkamena could get to it?! “So sometimes random things like that happen...” I grunted and just got back on my hooves. “Whatever. Still doesn't explain why every big hero and their mother is coming to visit us today!” “Well, this IS the first time in three years the lot of us all have any free time and been in the same place at the same time,” Goodguy explained. “And we're all trying to help everypony, we've just been so busy protecting the world from the evil of the Princesses, so now that they are reformed, we have time to catch up. Perhaps it's less random chance and more the world deciding you're overdue some assistance. Maybe recent events have caused a new fate to open up for you lot. But as for me and Sir Discord, we felt you needed a little help getting ready for what awaits you...and...you remind us of somepony we once knew...” Why can't I shake the feeling he knew more than he was saying? I scoffed, crossing my forelegs. “Huh, well you're wasting your time...” “Oh, and why is that?” “Simple, we're not paying you back. We don't want to, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. There's nothing in it for you, so isn't that the definition of a waste of time?” And now he's laughing. “Why are you laughing?!” “Oh, well dear, let me remind you of who I am,” he announced, doing this one superhero pose and clearing his throat. Why is he in black and white now? “I'm faster than a speeding crossbow bolt!” He jumped to one side of the roof and fired a crossbow, the outran it so he could catch it. “More powerful than a locomotive!” And now he's standing on train tracks with a train coming at him. He catches it, and sumo throws it over himself, causing it to turn into butterflies. Huh? Where'd he go now? “I can leap tall buildings in a single bound!” And he jumps straight up over me from street level and lands on the rooftop. “I'm CAPTAIN GOODGUY!” He was in some pose with his hands on his sides and chest puffed out. Where is that music coming from? “...Yes, I'm aware of that...why are you in black and white?” “I have absolutely no idea; that is rather weird...huh... but that's beside the point. The point is, my dear, for somepony as powerful as I am, what exactly could I expect in return for anything I do?” “I...Well...” “Money?” he took out a lump of coal and squeezed it...turning it into lead and then again, turning it into a gold statue of Celestia mooning him. “Not an issue. Power? I still have my PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS! Land? Have my own pocket dimension where I keep my Fortress of Goodness. Self-gratification? Well, I do enjoy that, but my mere existence would get that. So tell me, my dear, what's in it for me?” “Uh... Well... You're just... You're... You're wrong then... You shouldn't be doing this...” I admit, part of my problem finding a witty retort might be the fact he just saved my life. If I told him that he was a moron for helping me...I would be saying I should be dead...and I like living. “You have no idea how many times Celestia told me that very thing,” Goodguy replied, giving an annoying chuckle. “But let me first ask you this before I explain mine, my dear. Your little group was bullied by that villain Spitfire, right?” I narrowed my eyes. “And how do you know that?” “Gilda's friend, remember?” “Oh...” “So here's my question: what would have happened if Gilda had done nothing to help Rainbow?” I rolled my eyes. “Simple, she wouldn't have gotten bullied by Spitfire, simple as that.” “Ah ah! I didn't ask what would happen to her. I meant what would've happened to Rainbow Crash? If she had no one. If she had to endure all of that torment by her lonesome with no one to help ease her suffering?” I...I... I just stood there, we just stood there, no words, just silence for a few minutes. “Heroes are made when you make a choice, Fluttershy,” Goodguy said. “You both made one, didn't you?” “We need to do something, Shy.” “But Spitfire will turn on us...She'll be so mad...” “But if we don't do anything, she's going to keep hurting Rainbow Dash.” “But...” “Do you care about her or not?” Gilda held out a talon. “She needs us.” I slowly reach out my hoof to take it. “Come on, Rainbow CRASH, if you can't even fly two feet without crashing and burning how do you expect to be a great flier?” yelled Spitfire, Rainbow on the ground crying. She tried to get up and fly again, but Spitfire snagged her tail, sending her head over hooves into a cloud. “Hehe, well you got a few more feet that time.” Spitfire then looked over at us and gave a glare that made my heart skip a beat. I pull my hoof back. Gilda looks so disappointed in me. Rainbow Dash looks so hurt. Why...why am I trembling? Goodguy trotted over and leaned against an air vent next to me. He...he looks sad. Captain Goodguy looks sad. He's...he's looked serious before, but never sad. “Let me tell you a story, Fluttershy...years ago, a great evil was let loose from beneath the northern ice. As the world suffered their wrath, a great and powerful Spirit of Chaos saw this. He had incredible power, he could've done much...but instead he did nothing. He thought much as you did. Told himself 'Why should I get involved? It's not going to affect me?'...Now you see, that Spirit of Chaos had one friend. She was a little purple Earth Pony. Who saw him and his creations as beautiful, and cared about him. Who meant the world to him.” ...Why does his voice sound so hurt? “But...you remember that evil force? The one he could've done something about it, but he refused to do anything because it didn't involve him?...It turned out it did, very much so. For that little Earth Pony?...She...Let's just say that the proud Spirit of Chaos found out the hard way the price of inaction. A price he wished he'd never had to pay...a price if he'd just done something, he'd never have had to pay...The moral of the story? Never pass up a chance to do good, because good deeds can only benefit somepony...but if you do nothing, one day it will come back to bite somepony. Maybe you, maybe somepony you care about, maybe somepony you've never met...but somepony will reap what you've sown.” I feel like my head's spinning... I... Rainbow... I... He lowers his head and then looks at me. “But we all have a lot more choices than one, and a hero can be made at every one. What choices are you going to make?” “... I'll think about it.” “That's all I ask...Want to go get ice cream? My treat?” “Oh...uh...sure...” “...Want to take one home for Rainbow Crash?” “...Sure...I guess...” “Good. Now come! To the Goodguy-mobile!”
I'm (Not) GreatView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorI'm (Not) GreatAlright, let's see. I need to extend the metal casing by a few inches to accommodate the higher powered battery. That should extend the life by ten times! I'm so brilliant! Oh, hello there! Who am I? I am Twilight Sparkle; scientist extraordinaire and one of Equestria's brightest scientific minds! Oh, and I'm also brilliant at magic, but I prefer to apply magic into scientific pursuits. Everypony makes too big of a deal of magic onto itself. I have made a multitude of inventions that will one day revolutionize ponykind, and ensure my place in the history books as one of the best ...as soon as Princess Trixie stops sabotaging me with her position. Huh? No, I've never seen her do it, but why else would all my grant requests be turned down? Besides, she has never been able to stand the fact I'm smarter than she is. Thankfully she mysteriously disappeared from the public eye shortly after she ascended to Alicornhood and lost a fight with the evil Princesses! Rumor had it she was in the hospital, but I think she's just too humiliated to show her face again! Oh, what am I doing right now? My laser pointer broke earlier...Rainbow Crash related. So I decided to not only fix it, but upgrade it! Now it has a more intense laser projector to go much further and a far larger battery, increasing the life considerably! I probably won't have to replace the battery for another year! Now all that's left to do is test it! AH! Alright. Apparently increasing the intensity and boosting the power drastically makes it a powerful laser instead of a harmless laser pointer. Interesting! Though there is now a hole in my ceiling. Rainbow Crash? Don't worry, she decided a long time ago to sleep above Fluttershy's room and not mine. Now, should I try to convert this to what I intended or explore the possibility of lasers... “Twilight!” called Spike, crossing his arms. “There's bits of ceiling all over the place! Pinkamena's right, this place might have lead in the paint.” Spike? Oh, he's my assistant! He does his best to keep me on track and help me in my experiments! "And you better clean this place... I don't want any weird machine parts on the floor. You could hurt yourself with them.” "Oh Spike don't be... ouch!" Why did I have to step in the heat regulator crystal? “Told you so.” And he also sometimes acts like he's my mother. It's very annoying. I mean I hatched him! Hey look, there's that flux capacitor I lost! What am I working on? I'm glad you asked! I'd love to enlighten you on my brilliance! Well one of my newest inventions is a machine designed to manipulate the climate! I got the idea from when I tried to fix our air conditioner and it ended up causing the living room to freeze for a few weeks! It was an accident at the time, but I wondered if I could use that intentionally to help speed things up! Well it has flooded the entire house on several occasions, but that's just trial and error! It's part of scientific progress! Oh, not impressed? Then let me show you my greatest creation so far! I call it a Mana Collector! Yes, I made it into a convenient and portable necklace, amazing isn't it?! What does it do? It's intended purpose is to gather ambient mana from the surrounding area. You see for the last thousand years, ponies have been fascinated by magic since its applications were introduced by a wizard said to come from another world. While ponies have always had magic, we just didn't really think much about it or what it could really do before then. While legend has it we never reached the versatility with magic that the wizard's world had, we have taken leaps and bounds in it over the centuries. Technology wasn't forgotten, it's just seen as less fascinating and more mundane. I of course am good with both, I was so good at magic the School for Gifted Unicorns rejected me for being too powerful and talented! And because they were afraid of me overshadowing their star pupil who they like to put on a pedestal. Uh, what was I talking about? Oh right! Science! I just prefer to focus on technology because imagine how much recognition I'd get if I made it super relevant again?! But I got to thinking. If technology is a big benefit to ponykind and magic is a big benefit, why not find a way to merge them more seamlessly? Now, unicorns can enchant certain objects with spells to power devices and Pegasi can use lightning to power generators, we've never been able to gather or use ambient mana directly. My device will do just that! Think of the possibilities! Converting mana into energy, using the ambient mana to revitalize the damage done by the Princesses, or even theoretically a pony absorbing it to revitalize or increase their own power! There are so many uses! Though I'm still trying to get the ambient mana to be absorbed as effectively, right now it merely absorbs mana from other things like flowers and such (normally leaving them withered). But proof of concept! Oh I can't wait for it to be finished! I'll be famous! Mom and dad will be so proud! “Twilight, don't forget to check the mail,” Spike reminded me. He's good at that, I can lose my train of thought sometimes, but who doesn't? “Oh, right! Thanks for reminding me!” I need to see if the science section for new advancements! Yes, there's a science section. Fluttershy's got it, I'll just borrow it. She won't mind, she never minds anything. Alright, so what page is it on? Wait was that Trixie's name in that paragraph?! Ugh, great. She's coming home! Why?!...Wait, why? Hmm, 'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!' “What the...how? That...Fluttershy! House-meeting! Now!” ________________________________________ House-meetings served many purposes. I shared my many experiments with the house and showed them my latest breakthroughs. Huh? Okay, maybe that's why our meeting room is in need of cleaning up, but science is trial and error! What mattered was it was our time to share whatever we wanted to...mostly me, but Pinkamena could do some really good presentations! Oh, Pinkamena? She's my closest friend in our little group! An intellectual like me, and the first one I ever met! We can talk over facts and figures! And we both agree that our siblings are massive disappointments! She's even the one who helped me find this place! It technically belongs to the Apples, but her family is are their fourth cousin twice removed by a fifth cousin! You know, it's weird, Applejack asked us if it was alright for her to stay here, but it belongs to her family. Hmm, will have to question her about that later. “'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!'” Applejack exclaimed. Oh! Right! Focus! There's just so much to think about I can get a tiny bit distracted sometimes! “How?! What happened?!” Rarity wisely questioned. That's a good question! The Princesses have been evil for all of recorded history! How can they suddenly just change?! Oh right, I can read the paper. “It says they were both purified of evil when-oh! Look, the price of milk went down!” We haven't been able to afford milk in ages! Milk prices have been up for the last four years after the cows demanded an increase pay in exchange due to having less food to eat during the famine! It's actually rather logical when you think about it, I mean if the Princesses have turned good then Princess Celestia is no longer scorching the crop- “Twilight, focus!” Applejack yelled. “Sorry! Just it's been awhile since I had milk!” It's not my fault they put a big picture of milk right beside the paragraph! “It says they were purified of evil when some objects from another universe called 'the Elements of Harmony' were used by King Sombra to pull all the evil out of them...and into himself.” “Wait, wait, wait, so now King Sombra's the BAD GUY?!” Applejack asked, all of us looking logically upset. King Sombra is...bad? Not logical...not logical... “...No, according to this, King Sombra had the will power to force himself away from civilization...the Princesses are good guys now, and they helped King Tirek and the other heroes imprison Lord Scorpan back in Tartarus. Captain Goodguy, Duchess Chrysalis, Princess Trixie, and Starlight Glimmer are all returning home as well now that they don't need to keep watch all over the whole kingdom all the time.” So that's why Princess Trixie is coming back! UGH! Why couldn't she have stayed away forever and let somepony else get a chance?! Hmm...Wait... So evil is possible to be sucked out of somepony? That's highly illogical! It's far more likely dark or black magic was sucked out! Oh? What do I mean? Well you see dark and black magic has a tiny habit of promoting the emotions it operates on, such as greed, envy, jealousy, hatred, anger, and so on and so forth. Spike says that's why he never lets me near it (and burns any books on it I bring home), but do I look jealous to you? No, of course I'm not! I just feel Trixie doesn't deserve a thing she has! Plus I have other ways to get my research done Spike doesn't know about! But my point is simple: in theory if somepony lost complete control of certain emotions and gave in completely to the influence of dark magic, they may lose themselves in it and fully embrace their negative emotions with their positive ones numbed! But, and I've never heard of it happening, removing the dark magic the person is using could be the equal of a detox spell or stomach pump! That's about the only way this makes any kind of logical sense! But still... Oh, everypony's looking at me to continue reading! ““It says here that King Tirek is sending his Centaurs to begin restoring the damage they caused. He's also attending a ceremonial party happening today to celebrate the end of this whole mess and to explain the restoration efforts,” I read, then gasped! By King Sombra's mane, think of the possibilities! King Tirek will be there! THE King Tirek! “Oh! If King Tirek is there, maybe I can go impress him with my knowledge of science!” Oh we had to talk about the weather and how Rainbow Crash caused another natural disaster, but that's old news! All that matters is I have a chance to make a big splash! Think about it?! If I impress Equestria's greatest and most well-known people, and the ruler of one of our greatest allies, it'll be a surefire way to make a big impact and really put my name on the board! I can finally be somepony and show everypony how great I am! Then everypony will want to be my friends! I'll bring respect and admiration back to the Sparkle family! Trixie had a whole coronation to herself, let her take a backseat to somepony who needs recognition! This was my big moment! My chance to shine and show everypony how brilliant I really am! My chance to finally make sure no pony ever looks down on the name Twilight Sparkle again! Now where are my notes? Oh, right they're all over my bedroom floor. This could take a while. Oh? What do I think about the others? Well, Applejack is a bad girl, and statistics show bad girls are considered 'hot' and 'in' by most of today's youth. That's one of the big reason I enjoy being here, who doesn't like a bad girl! Just look at the ratings for that show my friends' sisters are on! And I can't say I don't sympathize with having family who have made choices without considering how it will affect you! Rarity listens to what I have to say and keeps Spike distracted quite often for me. She's also good for drawing the eye to you at a party. Oh, and we both know the importance of standing out and attracting attention! I can actually talk to her about that and she gets it! Rainbow Crash is a curiosity. It's quite scientifically stimulating to try and figure out the many, many, many ways she's managed to fail despite all the odds! Still, she's a willing test subject (don't worry, I don't do anything too severe) and the good thing about science is if something fails, you still learn something! She's also good as a case study of the effects of bullying on foals, given what Spitfire did to her. It's a shame she tends to have panic attacks when anypony mentions her. That said, I have contemplated capturing Spitfire and using her as a test subject, contemplated. I have standards. What? I have a history with bullies who were jealous of you trying to ruin your life, so I know where Rainbow's coming from. Though that doesn't mean I won't banish her to the roof for our own safety if needed. Fluttershy is a fascinating case of bystander syndrome, but I am quite curious about how her connection to animals works. Unfortunately she won't tell me unless I pay her. She also resonates with Rarity and myself, she's brilliant at managing to get attention when she wants it. She also is understanding that science is trial and error and a few explosions are nothing to get worked up about. And having five ponies in the house is very handy for research! Especially that time I needed samples for my cloning experiments! What? I needed to go to multiple science expos and parties at once! Sadly all I ended up creating was bacteria with our color schemes and nuclei in the shapes of our Cutie Marks, but they were pretty! I'm still keeping an eye on them in case they develop sapience, though they could make intriguing designer pets! Now where are my experiments? Which should I bring? “Twilight, are you sure this is a good idea?” Spike asked, keeping his arms crossed. “Of course it is Spike! What could possibly go wrong?!” “You could get arrested...again...or you could blow up the entire building. Or unleash a giant rampaging cheese monster.” I roll my eyes. Your enhanced microwave brings dinner to life one time and you can never live it down. “Don't worry, Spike, all I need to do is get the proof of concept across and everything will go perfectly fine!” “...I'll get the bail money in order.” “You worry too much.” “Only because you give me a reason to.” ________________________________________ While I was doing the beta testing on my experiments (and found out how to make my weather machine generate lightning for dramatic effect!), apparently we got visited by Starlight Glimmer and no pony bothered to tell me! I could have showed her my inventions! There are so many things I've invented that could have proven me a great value to Our Town and helping training ponies! Not that I need any training myself, I'm already amazing! Oh and Rainbow Crash left with her...I can't say that's the worst choice somepony I know has ever made. Jealous? No! I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous? And besides, if she succeeds I'll have a friend who's a graduate from Our Town! She'll come back and everything will be great...yeah... “Want to come with us, Applejack?” I asked. “...Nah, have fun. Enjoy all the attention...” Alright then. Onward to fame and recognition! ________________________________________ This will be so great! I've got a wagon full of inventions! And of course my Mana Collector just in case! I mean there are centaurs all over the place using magic to transfer mana, so this is sure to impress King Tirek! Oh, where's Spike? Well he kept nagging me, so I left without telling him. He won't be too mad. No it's not mean, he's a baby dragon! He wouldn't get what you need to do at a party anyway! Probably go asleep halfway through. Rarity is...well, Rarity. I'd expect nothing else from her. Ah, here we are, the ballroom...and there she is! Standing right there as the center of attention! Showing off those fancy wings like they make her so much better than everypony else! Well they don't! I've made mechanical wings and they looked so much cooler! What happened? I lost control and almost fell to my doom and had to be rescued by Rainbow Crash, but they still got me airborne! Last I checked Trixie hadn't learned to fly yet either! Oh, you mean what happened between me and Trixie? Simple, she's jealous of me and keeps trying to keep me down, simple as that. I'll just go rub it in her face how much better I am than she is! “Hey! Let me go!” Get out of my way you stupid guards! Can't you see I'm trying to confront my nemesis here! Why is everypony always trying to hold me back?! “Twilight Sparkle...” Ha! Figures! She has her guards here to prevent me from overshadowing her with my genius! “Too afraid of finally being upstaged by your rival?!” “...Twilight, I'm sorry, but you are trying to bring a large suspicious looking device into the building. The guards are merely doing their jobs.” “A likely story!” “...What IS this machine? If you don't mind.” I smile proudly. “This is my climate controller! It's intended to make weather creation easier!” It generates a blast of lightning. “It also creates lightning for dramatic effect!” Ha! She looks impressed! In your face! “That would actually be quite helpful, how does it work?” “Like I'll tell you! You'll steal it! Just like you've done everything else!” I growl. What do I mean? She's jealous of me and steals everything that should be mine! Just like she always does! “Twilight, you know I'd never do anything like that. The guards won't allow you in if you don't explain your invention...especially after past...events, and I can't ether.... Just explain how it works and I can get you an audience to propose it here tonight. I promise.” “Liar!” “Twilight, stop being so paranoid, please...I'm only trying to help you, just like Sunset always...” “I don't want your help!” I yelled back, glaring at her. “...Fine...but if you need it, just ask...sorry, Twilight...” “No, you're not! You never are!” “Princess Trixie!” called Duchess Chrysalis, waving. “I need to talk to you for a moment, please.” “...Sorry, Twilight, I have to go...” “Come back here! I'm not done with you! Hey, stop it! I'm an Equestrian citizen!” AHHH! Ow...is my machine okay?! Good! Of course, she even admitted my machine was brilliant! Stupid guards! This always happens! Maybe I can sneak past them...Ugh! Now Gilda is there! Why don't I ask her? Because she's Rainbow Crash's friend, not my friend! She's arrested me before! Besides she's Captain of the Royal Guard! Ugh! Why?! Why does the world give everything to her?! I'm smart, I'm talented, so why?! And I didn't even get to show anypony my Mana Collector! Speaking of which I hope it's not broken! It's composed of a very rare metal! I totally didn't get it off the black market. Looks okay, though the lock might have been damaged, but it still seems to be work-GAH! Turn-it-away! Turn-it-away! Ow...Okay...Note...note to self...accidentally draining some of your own mana makes you very woozy...Wait! But that means that if it can take magic out of a pony it can put it back in too! Proof of concept! Huh? The guards? Oh...Oh crud! Close it! Close it! Good... Alright, I may have just drained several Royal Guards and Gilda of a bit of magic. It was an accident! I didn't mean to! And they're okay, mana naturally replenishes over time...wait, they're still stunned from it... ________________________________________ Alright, I may have a slight headache from a minor case of mana drain and should probably eat some high energy food to replenish it, but I got in before they could recover! And they'll be perfectly fine once the mana drain wears off, I swear! Now where's the food so I can recover myself? Huh? Why are there no sweets? It said there would be sweets! Oh, there's still the cake! Why is it being guarded? Oh well, apples will do and there's plenty of them. Oh! They have daisy sandwiches! My favorite! So what do I do now? Simple find somepony to show my inventions to! This party is the biggest party of the year! I just need to impress one of them and I will finally be recognized for the brilliance that I possess! “Excuse me?” Oh! It's Derpy the Wise! Perfect! Surely the wisest mare in Equestria will understand! “Oh! Hello Miss Hooves!” I replied. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, inventor extraordinaire!” “I have heard of you, but I recall it being something involving mind control.” “That was an accident, I was intending to make a virtual reality game! It was just supposed to hypnotize the user into seeing a visual representation of what's going on in the game surrounding them!” It wasn't my fault it worked TOO well. Like that time I tried to make three dimensional game and it ended up putting a hole in our wall while we tried to play a racing game! “I see...” She looked over my climate controller. “And what is this device?” “A climate control device! It's a prototype, but I feel it works as a proof of concept!” “Hmm...I don't believe it'd be wise to demonstrate it inside. Perhaps we can take it outside la-” “Oh! Well if you don't want to see it now, maybe this would be easier!” I replied, going through my wagon and producing my laser pointer. “This is an upgraded laser pointer with an enhanced battery!” I explained. “It's now a functioning laser!” “...We're inside, once more that seems too dangerous to...” Ugh! This is harder than I thought! Okay, big guns before she loses interest! “Alright, how about this?” I quickly produce my Mana Collector. “And what is that?” “A Mana Collector, it's primary intention is to absorb ambient mana for a variety of uses.” She blinked and looked at it. “Mana?” “Exactly! Magic being used to directly enhance technology could be a major boon for all of Equestria!” “Miss Sparkle...Can this draw magic from ponies?” “Yeah! I did it to myself earlier and it's perfectly safe! Only a mild headache!” Alright, so I almost passed out and I felt a little ill, but that qualifies as mild! Plus she was actually interested in it! I've managed to get on the good side of an important pony! Derpy directed me to the side and found a flower, putting it in front of us. “Could you show me? I may have a use for this in an important endeavor myself and the Duchess are planning.” “Certainly! Behold the brilliance of Twilight Sparkle!” I opened the Collector and began draining the flower, causing it to wither and transfer the mana into it. “Don't worry, flowers have much less ambient mana than a pony!” She looks impressed! Derpy the Wise is impressed! Maybe she'll want to be my friend now that she's seen how brilliant I am! Then we can revolutionize Equestria with our combined brilliance and go down in the history books! And imagine what mom will think when she finds out I befriended Derpy the Wise! “Fascinating. If there was a way to focus it on a specific wave length of magic, maybe we could...” “Could what?” Oops! I may have just turned the device on her on accident! Ugh, it's a little harder to close this time! There! “I didn't mean for that to happen, I just turned too quickly!” I covered, certainly the wisest pony in Equestria would understand a simple mistake, right? Right? “Halt!” “Miss Hooves, are you alright?!” No! Stupid guards! ________________________________________ Alright, I think I lost them! Stupid guards! Can't they see I made one little mistake?! Why would I try to attack somepony I'm trying to impress?! Huh, you know it was weird for some reason there was an odd color to Derpy's magic, Gilda's too. I wonder. Is it because they're not unicorns? Fascinating! Hmm...I wonder what would happen if somepony absorbed a type of magic from the other tribes... But now what? The guards aren't going to let me near Derpy again! I'll just find somepony else! Then when I impress them they'll vouch for me with the guard and I'll have made two famous friends instead of one! I'm brilliant! “Twilight? Is that you?” That voice... I turned around to see an old “friend” of mine. “Oh...hello Sunset....” Sunset Shimmer looked me over, probably finding something to pity me for. “...So...uh...how you doing?” she asked. “Fine. How's Trixie's company?” She gave me a frown. “...It's good to see her again. Are you still living in that run down shack?” “It's not run down, it's rustic!” I replied. “It's a perfect, isolated, and quiet place for my experiments! Like these!” I explained, pointing to my fantastic inventions. “...I see... Do you need anything?” I rolled my eyes, here we go again! She's always doing this! Always trying to pity me! “No.” “You sure? Crops are growing again, so I can spare some food...” “What makes you think I NEED food?” “Because I can see your ribs.” “Well I can see pity!” I replied. “And the Great Twilight Sparkle is her own mare! I don't want your pity!” “Twilight, it's not like that! I just know life's been hard...since...you know...Shining-” “DON'T MENTION HIS NAME!” I yelled right in her face. “NEVER mention his name!” “Sorry...Just I know you've had a rough time and now that things are looking up, I want to he-” “And keep your food! I'm going to be somepony on my own and make my mark!” She's done this since we were fillies! She always acts like I'm a baby who needs somepony to hold her hoof just to get by! I'm smarter than her! Where does she get off?! “Twilight, you're living in something that barely qualifies as a house, eating almost nothing, and you've been arrested like nine times in the last two months...you need help...” “NO I DON'T!” What's the difference between accepting help and having famous friends? You EARN friends! And when you earn something, that's YOUR legacy! No pony can claim it'stheirs! It belongs to you! If you accept help, then the one who helped you can take credit! Huh? The damaged latch came undone?! Ha! That should teach her to pity me! Wait, stop! I don't want to take too much! I just want her to be sorry, not hurt! I forced the locket closed (it was a bit harder) and she looks like she's going to faint...I...It wasn't my fault! “Twilight...what did you...” Ah! Guards again! Run! ________________________________________ Stupid Sunset and stupid guards! Why is everypony trying to get in my way?! This was supposed to be MY time to shine, they had theirs already! I managed to get away when the lights went out and some parasprites were set loose, convenient distraction. Given parasprites have a habit of munching food up, I'm assuming Pinkamena had something to do with this, not that I care. The Mana Collector? It's fine, the latch is just a little weak. Though it does seem to be getting harder to actually close. But I'll get the chance to meet with Derpy the Wise again, so why shouldn't I hold onto it? It'd be a waste not to! So now the guard are probably really looking for me. It's a big ball room, I can handle this! I'm the smartest pony here after all! I just need to sneak my way to Duchess Chrysalis or King Tirek and then I can impress them and get them to pardon me! After all with King Sombra...gone, then one of them must be in charge now! They're both good rulers, surely they'll see reason and understand it was an honest mistake! Though I might have to hide my climate control device... Speaking of which, Maud Pie is currently checking it out...Why does she look like she's been crying? “Uh...hi...” “Oh! Hey,” she said, regaining her characteristic smile. That's better, much more logical coming from the renowned rocker of Good Cheer! “Sorry, was just checking out your...what exactly is this thing?” “A climate alteration device!” “I don't know what that means, but I am digging that lightning,” she replied, watching it go off. I hope the guard didn't see that, but they seemed distracted by the Parasprites and whoever let them loose. “Thanks! I added that for dramatic effect!” “I gotcha, that'd rock as a special effects system!” “Want to use it as one?” I asked quickly. Yeah, it's a secondary feature, but it's still an intended feature! And she's impressed with it! Now's my chance! Her face lit up! Good! “Can I? Sure! It'd be great for the closing act!” “Awesome! I've also tried giving it a fog setting!” I announced, climbing onto it and messing with the controls. “And I have a few laser projectors and stuff that could help!” “Thanks, that'd be great! Hey, wait, you're one of Pinkamena's friends, aren't you?” she questioned. “Yeah! Best friends!” “...Can you tell her I'm sorry next time you see her? She'll know what I mean...” “Huh, what?” AHHH! Ow...Okay, I may have gotten distracted and accidentally set the device to send off lightning. Huh, why can you see your own skeleton when you're electrocuted? AHH! Another bolt! Huh? I think my pendant just opened on it's own and swallowed the lightning bolt up! Fascinating! Perhaps it absorbed the weather manipulating qualities of Gilda and Derpy's magic when it siphoned off some of theirs?! This could be amazing! “Whoa! You okay?!” Maud asked, rushing over. “Yeah! I'm fine! I have a very high pain threshold from explosions! That totally were my assistant and roommates' faults!” “Glad, wouldn't want to see one of my sister's friends get-GAH!” Oh no, I forgot to close the Mana Collector! Stop! Come on, close, close! Stop! Okay, got it closed, why is it getting harder to close each time...and Maud just screamed and I set off a thunderbolt just before that... “Ugh... did I accidentally drink too much salt?” Maud questioned, rubbing her head. No, no, why is everything going wrong?! ________________________________________ THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY NIGHT! WHY ISN'T ANYTHING GOING MY WAY?! The Mana Collector? Yeah, it's acting up a little, but Derpy said she could use it! I'd be a fool to not keep it! I can handle it! I can close it! And this is just more proof of concept of what she wanted from it! It can absorb more than just Unicorn Magic! What I can't handle is fate conspiring against me! I'm in a room with the biggest ponies in Equestria and can't seem to hit it off with one of them! And now I've lost my climate manipulator! Knowing Trixie she'll probably claim I stole it and take all the credit for herself! Of course it's something she'd do! The universe hands her everything on a silver platter! Especially when it should be mine! Okay, just find somepony to vouch for me and everything will be fine! Sir Discord was here, where'd he go? He's got a lot of pull...he's nowhere?! Okay, find Duchess Chrysalis and explain what happened! She's the most loving being in the entire country, she'll listen! “Twilight?” I turn to see Princess Celestia...she sounds...weird when she's not evil... “I didn't know you came back,” she asked. “Huh? You know me?” I asked, cocking my head. How does she know me? She blinked, looking me over. “Well I was still...lost last time we met...you don't remember?” “I don't think so...” What was she talking about? “Oh...you must be our...” “Attention ladies and gentlecolts!” Oh, Princess Luna has something to say. “Let's hear my sister...then we can talk more about this,” Celestia said. Good! I can explain this! Even if she is still evil she's playing nice, so she'd have to humor me to keep up a good impression! Luna smiled. “Please give your full attention to Princess Trixie Lulamoon, acting ruler of Equestria!” “What?!” I asked out loud. Acting ruler?! How can she be acting ruler?! I heard nothing of this! “Oh, you didn't know?” Celestia whispered. “Myself and my sister...decided we were not the best option for Equestria's leadership after our past transgressions, that left Trixie as King Sombra's official heir...so long as he's lost in darkness, she's acting ruler of Equestria... why is your eye twitching?” Trixie took the stage, looking down at her hooves, trying to act all 'humble'. Humble, what humble person would accept that! “Hello...everypony...I...am not good with speeches...But thank you all for coming...King Sombra would not want us to be in low spirits when he gave so much to bring fertility and peace back to Equestria. Rest assured, we're doing all we can to save him if at all possible. And until then, I will do my best to be a good ruler, because that's what you deserve...” “YOU?!” Now everypony is staring at me, GOOD! Oh, and I may have burst into flames, but I don't care! “Twilight, how did you?” The guards are coming, get away! Whoa...did I just...I teleported...I can do that?! I ended up on stage with Trixie...with perfect, 'gets everything in the world' Trixie! “Why do YOU get to rule Equestria?! You've not even had those wings for a year!” Trixie took a step back. “Twilight, calm down, you're making a scene!” “GOOD! At least now they'll actually treat me like I exist!” I screamed. I teleported again to dodge the guards. I'm not trying to, it's just...happening. Oh, and Trixie has to turn around to face me. Luna just seems stunned. “You always get everything! Tonight was my chance to actually show my inventions to everypony! To finally let everypony appreciate what I can do! Why does nothing ever go right for me but everything does for you?!” “Twilight, you know it's not like that,” that Alicorn brat replied. “I never asked for any of this! And I certainly never meant to make you feel-” “THEN WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET IT?!” I roared, having to teleport again. The crowd is booing, I don't care. At least they're ACKNOWLEDGING me! “Why do you have the spotlight without even trying and I can't even get noticed?! WHY?! I'm just as good as you are, so what's different?!” “...Twilight...you've hurt ponies by being careless...your experiments are...” “SO?! EXPERIMENTS ARE ALWAYS DANGEROUS! WE'RE JUST AS STRONG, I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! I TRY HARDER THAN YOU! I NEED IT MORE THAN YOU! SO WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE LIKE YOU BEST?!” Duchess Chrysalis shoots me a death glare and tries to get between Trixie and me. “That's quite enough, Miss Sparkle. Trixie is a wonderful young mare, that's no way to talk to somepony who's never done you wrong at all.” I teleport at random again to dodge the guards, this time ending up outside in the fountain on accident before teleporting again and ending up right next to Trixie. “Never done anything wrong?! Then why did she get to be King Sombra's personal student while I got thrown aside like trash for being the same as she is?!” Trixie's eyes went wide. “Twilight...I...I didn't...” “I SHOULD BE YOU! EVERYTHING YOU HAD SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE! WHY DID YOU GO FROM RAGS TO RICHES WHILE I LOST EVERYTHING I HAD BEFORE I KNEW I HAD IT?!” I may have blasted her and Chrysalis with a beam of magic stronger than I thought I could do...I'm done holding back. I don't care! I'm not letting her get away with this! Equestria handed to her on a silver platter and me left eating her scraps! I wish I could just take those wings for myself! Huh? Unleash The Magic - Piano Transcription The Mana Collector floats up between us and opens on it's own, beginning to drain Trixie's magic! Did...did it react to what I was thinking? Wait...is it going to take her Alicorn power and give it to me?! Is...Is this... “TRIXIE?!” Chrysalis screamed. “NO!” She...NO! NOT YOU! GET OUT OF THE WAY! NO! NO! NO! STOP! SHE'S NOT THE ONE! LEAVE CHRYSALIS ALONE! It won't close! STOP! I manage to turn it away from her and she collapses... King Tirek jumps between the audience and me and puts up a force field to protect them from the Mana Collector...but it just starts sucking his force field into itself! I see the plants in the room begin to die, it's drawing magic from them too?! “No! This is all wrong!” I scream, trying desperately to close it. Where's Captain Goodguy when you need him?! “Twilight stop this!” Trixie yelled, checking on Chrysalis. “I CAN'T! IT WON'T CLOSE!” This was supposed to be my night! Why can't I just have this?! Why can't I have one day in the spotlight?! Trixie tries to help me close it...I throw her off. “TWILIGHT?!” “I don't need your help!” I screamed in her face. “It isn't always about you!” “It's never about me! That's the problem!” I replied, Tirek's shield failed and I'm draining magic from HIM now! It's not wanting to close! Maybe I should...NO! Not from Trixie! NEVER from Trixie! I'm not giving her one more thing! The Mana Collector won't close! Why?! Could it be it's having trouble containing all the magic? I knew I should've found a way to make it create a pocket dimension inside it, but I didn't have any dimensional magic! Gah! Trixie...she just tackled me and closed it?! Tirek...he's all scrawny now...how much magic did I steal from him? Now they're cheering...for...for HER?! NO! “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?!” I screamed, grabbing my Mana Collector back. “You could have killed somepony!” she yelled back. “Chrysalis is hurt because of you!” Her expression changed suddenly, like she saw something scary. What could she have seen? We're looking each other in the eyes! Then her eyes go down to my neck and she gasped. “Twilight, your machine!” I blinked, looking down at it. My Mana Collector...it's cracking apart?! How?! The internal shell is made of Orichalcum! Magic shouldn't be able to break it! Just...just how much did I... No! It's going to- Ugh...where...the Mana Collector exploded...Am I in Heaven? At least I went out with a bang in front of everypony. At least my obituary will be noteworthy...No, wait...I...I'm in the magic... How...how could everything have gone so wrong? I...I just wanted to win for once...to be better than Trixie for once...Why can't I ever be better than she is? Why can't anything go my way just once? Why can't I ever just be the one in the spotlight for a change? Everypony always judged me before they got to know me! They always got the rotten tomatoes ready to throw before I could even start my act! Wait...am I...absorbing the magic? I...I feel...stronger...this power...I was right! A pony can absorb the collected mana! HAHA! I WAS RIGHT! Wait...If...if I absorb it...if this magic was strong enough to destroy the Mana Collector...would it be enough? Enough to finally prove I'm better than Trixie? To finally show the world I deserve their attention as much as she does? No...I deserve it MORE! The world's been unfair to me, so it's only right! Life decided to take everything away from me when I was too young to know I had it, so it's only fair! If no pony will GIVE me respect, then I'll just TAKE IT! Trixie doesn'twant it, so that means she won't mind if I take it, right?! That's what she always said! With all this power, I could do ANYTHING! Ponies pay attention to the one with the most power! Because they HAVE to! Because when you have power they have to take you seriously! When you're the strongest no pony can ignore you, no pony can look down on you! When you're the strongest, you're the star and no pony can tell you different! Science, magic power, popularity, stardom, what's the difference? They're all just a way to get ponies to pay attention and respect you! Respect, that's all I've ever wanted. For ponies to take me seriously! To finally have the spotlight for once in my life! No pony will laugh at Twilight Sparkle anymore! HAHAHAHAHA! It's SHOWTIME! ________________________________________ Lunar 2: Eternal Blue – Zophar's Arrival Twilight...I watched from next to the Flim Flam Brothers...her little pendant exploded, throwing us all away! Twilight! Wait...what's going on? That big sphere...there's so much magic in it I can feel it from here, darlings...Twilight, is she okay? Why...why is it turning black? I...I don't think that's a good color...I can feel it, it makes me sick...what's going on? It exploded upwards into a pillar, ripping through the roof! The blast...it's forming a curtain of energy between us and the stage?! The ground is shaking?! What's going on?! Twilight... A number like an old fashioned film projector forms in front of it out of black magic, each number giving off a tick. Five... ________________________________________ “What the Tartarus?!” Ah yelled. The roof got plumb blown off the ballroom by some black energy! Why is everythin' bein' lifted inta the air?! The ballroom and everything around it! They're forming into somethin'?! “Applejack!” Spike yelled, running over and jumping on my back. “That's where Twilight and Rarity went!” “What?! Twilight?! Rarity?! They're in the middle of that dreadful mess?!” Granny...you're there too... ________________________________________ Four... ________________________________________ Me and Goodguy were eating ice cream at some parlor...I...Rainbow Crash...I...I still have a lot to think about... Then the ground started shaking. We saw the Canterlot ballroom and the buildings around it start lifting into the air! “That's where the party's happening!” Goodguy yelled. “The chaos readings are off the charts! Might need bigger charts...” “The party?! Twilight, Pinkamena, Rarity! They're in there!” ________________________________________ Two... ________________________________________ Okay...peaceful thoughts....Calm peaceful thoughts...No stress...Just remain calm... UGH! Pillars of darkness and an earthquake aren't peaceful! Wait...that's the ballroom, isn't it?! Maud.... ________________________________________ One... ________________________________________ Me and Starlight were on a train heading out of Canterlot towards Our Town...I...No ponies ever believed in me but Gilda...but...I don't want to let her down, but...can I actually...I want to be better but... “Don't worry, Rainbow Crash, everypony in Our Town is very nice and kind,” Starlight explained...then gasped. “What's that?!” I looked out the window...whoa! Why's everything back in Canterlot floating?! “...That light...I think it came from the Canterlot Castle Ballroom...the party...” The party...Oh no... “It looks like the buildings are...forming a stage?” Starlight asked. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkamena...Gilda... “Rainbow Crash, wait!” ________________________________________ The curtain flew up, before exploding into magic that rained down around us. The hole in the roof looked like a spotlight...shining down on...Twilight?! Undertale OST – burn in Despair! Extended Where Twilight had been...was now a dark lavender Alicorn... No....she had a dragon's eyes. Her mane and tail seemed to be made out of purple starlight. She was wearing a flowing purple dress that made me think of a lady...except the black highlights...Normally I'd say they were gaudy (or does that depend on the season...I think 'being terrifying corrupted Alicorn outclasses that!), but here I think they just made me scared. They did go with her fancy black horseshoes though...Her tiara looked like Trixie's, only made of black metal with a dark, almost blood colored jewel in the center. Her glasses had been replaced with magic that seemed to be imitating a masquerade mask. Her cutie mark...I...it's covered but she has a necklace with it on her dress. It was inverted, and now it looks like the big star is projecting a spotlight down from it... I...I'll admit...It took a great deal of effort not to wet myself right now... “No... It can't be...” I heard Celestia say, backing away in horror. “Sister, we have to do something!” “But the civilians in the other buildings!” Luna replied. “They could fall!” They fly off...Twilight...what's happened to you? ________________________________________ “HAHAHAHAHA!” I laughed. This power...Well, all eyes are on me now! I grabbed Trixie in my telekinesis, Chrysalis and Tirek are too weak to do a darn thing about it! “Hello Trixie! Sorry for the wait, but I had to switch into something more comfortable!” I said, grabbing her and flying up high above. I use bits of rock to form a defense grid around us, simple enough to do with this much power and the proper knowledge of physics! Add a few crystals and a little magic equal's instant laser grid! I knew that laser pointer from earlier would inspire me later! Why not just make a wall? Simple, because what good will this be without an audience? And I can angle the lasers to act as special effects! “Twilight...what...what's happened to you?!” I laugh. It feels so good to see her FEAR me! Finally taking me seriously, now Trixie?! “Like it? I had theorized the magic from the Mana Collector could be used to power up a pony, but I never realized it could do THIS much!” She looked around, seeing how high my grand stage was. “Stop this! Ponies are going to die!” “So what?” I asked. “I've been ignored for this long, so why should I pay them any mind?” “...This isn't you, Twilight, you're not this oblivious!” “Hmm... You're right, I'm not invisible old Twilight Sparkle anymore...” I replied. After all, this IS a new me! So a new name would make sense! Who would want to be dumb old Twilight Sparkle?! “Hehe...everypony's worst nightmare is to be overshadowed, so that must make me a big one for everypony! How about Nightmare Spotlight, the Ever Rising Star?!” Trixie tries to get away from me, but I grab her by the leg, give her a quick kick to a very painful part of her anatomy to stun her, and throw her into a piece of floating rock with just enough force to break it, then form some magic chains and tie her down to it. She's not going anywhere, they're made of Orichalcum! Yes, I can make that now, I know the recipe and can now rearrange molecules on the subatomic level! “Now, now, why run? The show's just starting!” I use my magic to levitate cameras being used to broadcast the party and hovered them around us, forming a podium in front of Trixie. I fed my magic through them, managing to hijack the broadcast, something I'd picked up this one time I tried to upgrade our TV to get more channels only massively amplified! I can't believe I'm able to apply all this knowledge I've gathered with a thought! Amazing! Oh yes, I'm going to enjoy this! “Hello everypony!” I call, waving into the cameras. “This is your new idol, Nightmare Spotlight, coming to you live from my stage in the sky! If you're in Canterlot, you can probably see it! In fact you can probably see it everywhere, which is the entire point! And today we're going to be playing a little guessing game! Today's special guest is Princess Trixie!” Trixie finally caught her breath and gave me a glare. “What happened to science, Twilight?” “Oh, I plan to do that too! Science, magic, shows! Everything! By the time I'm done, Equestria will take notice of me!” I replied. “Now, ready for some questions, Princess? Better answer them well! Your life depends on it! The more questions you get wrong, the more of you I'm going to freeze! Won't this be fun?!” I hear the crowd below gasping. Good, they're reacting! I make them some seats to sit in, whether they want to sit down or not! “Alright, first question...why did I get kicked out of the School for Gifted Unicorns?” I questioned, giving a smirk, letting her see my new, sharp, pointy teeth! Hmm, am I a carnivore now? She looked shocked. “I...I heard it was destruction of property.” “Ha-ha! Of course! Of course that's what they'd say!” I laughed. You want to know my backstory? I think everypony else does too, so let's let everypony know it, shall we?! Origins stories always get attention! “No...That's not what happened at all...well, from a certain point of view...” I gave a laugh. Wow, my laugh sounds intimidating...I like it! “You see, Trixie, back then I was a very knowledge happy filly, very magically talented. My family were nobility, so I was never overlooked...but everypony expected so much from me as a result! I mean I was a Sparkle! My family line has been big names in Canterlot for ages, my parents are nobles, I had all the reasons to be a great mare!...Then my brother flunked out of the Junior Guard for being a coward with no backbone, so my parents naturally put a lot more weight on MY shoulders. After all, somepony had to carry on the family name, didn't they? And that somepony was me. I was fine with it, I mean all eyes would be on me, what could be better? Except for one thing...” “...You got kicked out...” Trixie said, eyes going wide. I got close to her face, my long horn knocking her crown off in the process. “Hehe...I wasn't kicked out. You see, when my parents naturally signed me up for the School for Gifted Unicorns, I got the same test as everypony else: hatch a dragon egg...and at first I couldn't do it. Well, I thought, it must be a simple matter of amassing more energy! So I charged and charged and charged...and then a loud noise came from outside! The sound of...oh, I don't know, a little unicorn filly practicing a fireworks spell in a magic exercise?!” Trixie's eyes go wide as dinner plates. “I...I didn't know...I'm...I had no idea...They moved my test to the next day because of the damage, I...I didn't even see you...” “No, you didn't...But point is, I got distracted and lost control. My magic went berserk! And guess what the judges' reaction was when my power finally burned out?” Naturally I'd turned them into fruit during my magic surge, but they got fixed! And I did hatch Spike, so that's a plus! Hmm, I wonder if dragons can become like this... “I...I don't know...” “Too bad!” She screams as I freeze her up to her ankles. I looked Trixie right in the eye. “They said 'that much power in the hooves of somepony without proper focus is dangerous' and tossed me out the door! Here's my question, about that, Trixie: isn't TEACHING the right focus what a school is FOR?!” I floated back, looking to the camera. “Isn't a child with a talent that needs refining the entire point of the School for Gifted Unicorns? If I had all that power and no focus, wasn't it your job to teach it to me?! I was a FOAL! Of course I couldn't control it!” Bitter? Oh yes. But doesn't the story of a little filly getting screwed over get everypony's recognition? I gave a happy chuckle. “Oh, and by the way? If my judges are watching this: you're my next guests!” I've had so many fantasies! Too bad I have to pick one now that I can make them a reality! I turned back to Trixie. “And guess what, Trixie? My parents weren't happy! Not at all! Another failure in the family! Another disgrace to the family name! So I dedicated myself to studying science if magic wouldn't get me in. Science would get me to the top, right? But then we get to question number three: who became King Sombra's personal student not long after my test?” Trixie gave that timid little look everypony finds so endearing. Maybe I should try it. Oh, is that guilt I see? “...Me...” “Right, you! The little nobody from nowhere who came out of nowhere and somehow got the king's good graces after distracting me at my chance! Despite having JUST as much raw power as I did! Who was just as capable of everything I was, and who was just as young!” I didn't break eye contact. “So let me get this straight: they took YOU in and not me because I was MORE WORK than you were?! Because you had focus I was too YOUNG to have?! Tell me Trixie, is that FAIR?!” Little Miss Humility looked down. She was silent for a few moments. “...No answer counts as a wrong answer!” I exclaimed and she screamed as I froze up to her knees. “So next question, Princess,” I flew around her and landed next to her. “What happened when I was barely a teenager? You know with my brother?!” Trixie rose her head and looked me in the eye. “...He ran off and eloped with Empress Cadenza.” “Right, right, and another question,” I give a dramatic laugh. “What happens to the family of a traitor?” She looks horrified. Good. “...They're treated like them too...” “Exactly! Our family name got ruined by what my brother did!” I replied. “We're the laughing stock of Canterlot! Thanks to him! And guess who had to 'redeem' the family name?” “...I'm sorry you went through all that...” Trixie replied, still looking down. “I'm sorry my practice caused that...I never meant to...” I just laughed. “See?! Now you respect me, because I'm a threat!” I turned to the cameras. “And now the whole world will respect me!” “...But...” I turned to her. “But what?” Trixie looked up at me with a sad look. “I'm sorry that happened to you, you're right, they should have tried to do more for you...but ever since then ponies have tried to help you...you keep turning them down. I've tried, Sunset's tried, everypony else has tried!” I snarled in rage. How dare she! “Help? If you need help to get somewhere big it doesn't count! The one who helped you can say you owe them! That THEY'RE the ones to thank!” “...And just because you're hurt...doesn't mean you have a right to hurt ponies, Twilight,” she replied, struggling against her chains and...How did she break the ice?! She's not an Earth Pony! “...And I admit, sometimes even I don't think I'm worthy to lead...but I'm not going to let you hurt my subjects!” Gah! She just blasted me in the face! Ugh, whatever, it didn't hurt that much! Ah! Where did those boulders come from?!...Maud?! How did she get up here?! “How did you get through the laser grid?!” Maud gave a smirk to me. “Derpy figured out the trajectory...even if I didn't get a thing she said!” WHAT?! She broke the chains?! “How?! Those are made of Orichalcum!” “Rock farmer!” she replied, giving a smirk. “I may not know mathematics, but you bet I know how to find imperfections in anything! Let me guess, mass produced with magic from a sample ya got?” “UGH! Fine, no more Miss Nice Mare! It's showtime!” Oh, you still want to hear my story? With this much power I guess I can multitask! You see, after my sorry excuse for a brother tarnished the family name and it fell on me to restore our honor, I set out to do just that. I studied so much, I tried to make myself a well-known scientist. I made so many inventions and ideas...but none of them got me anywhere. They were always “too dangerous” or didn't work like they should. So, I admit I tried to go and get my brother to come back and dump his “wife” to the curb. Of course that'd restore our family's honor, why wouldn't it? Big mistake. I can't say he didn't get what he deserved, Empress Cadenza is the very antithesis of a loving wife. You reap what you so, don't you? But of course, the “Tyrant of Broken Hearts” decided I'd make a fantastic slave! Thankfully, I was smart enough to escape, but my brother still loves that devil and tried to help her catch me when she asked! I don't know why. Guess he chose whose side he's on. I'll have to have them on for an episode some time, a very special one. After all, wouldn't the defeat of Equestria's biggest remaining threat get great ratings! So now I faced an impasse: what to do? My parents where naturally ashamed of me at home, my brother couldn't be talked out of his bad choice, so what next? Well I decided to travel the world, studying everything and anything I could! Learning everything I could about science and technology. Trying to develop everything I possibly could! I made so many inventions, so many ideas...but none of them worked. Something always went wrong! It's not my fault I ended up making my inventions too well! It's not my fault there's so many interesting things I can't focus on one at a time! Gah! Nice shot, Trixie, have a boulder! Where was I? Oh yes. My life. I admit, at first...I honestly didn't care about Trixie, I only knew her from seeing her practicing her magic outside the school when I got booted out. Oh I was mad, but well we were foals, I had more important things to go after...but then she kept showing up in the newspaper. She kept becoming more and more well-known and famous. She got wings! And all without seeming to CARE! She had the life I always wanted, the life my parents wanted me to have! And she didn't care! She just took everything like it was the most normal thing in the world! You could say I may have gotten a little bit bitter. Ugh! Maud just punched me in the stomach, why does she hit so hard? Well I can too! Enjoy being embedded in the wall! I felt insulted, slighted...Everything my family wanted from me, she was able to do. Everything I NEEDED she had without wanting after she ruined it for me! I felt like this was some cosmic trick! Humility. That's what she's so famous for. Being humble. And yet for some reason the one who wanted nothing gets everything! It burned me up inside. And then my parents... They never stopped. They always wanted more and more while everypony worshiped the ground she walks on! And it should have been me! Those rotten judges, if they hadn't kicked me out, it would've been me! Is it so wrong to want to be special? Well now I AM special! And all of Equestria will know it! Huh, what's that rainbow explosion in the dist-GAH! [=Undertale OST – Battle Against a True Hero Extended=] Maud just tackled me through the window! Maud and Trixie try to follow me, but I just slam them both into the ground that was pulled up along with my stage. I'm barely bruised, they're both barely able to stand. I converge all my cameras. “I'm bored with this, and I'm pretty sure so is the audience. Time to say goodbye to Princess Trixie!” She tries to fight back against my beam, but I'm clearly stronger than her, after all I have so much more magic than her! “Twilight, I think you need to chill! I get you had a rough go of things, but there's always a silver lining!” Maud...Maud is bracing her? Where did that blue beam in Trixie blast come from?! Why did it just get stronger?! I pull my laser grid projectors to me and have them converge on my beam, pushing back! No matter. I'm still so much stron-gah! Who's hanging onto me?! “Twilight, stop! I'm the one who's supposed to screw everything up!” “Rainbow Crash?!” But she's supposed to be half way to Our Town by now! Oof! What- “Twilight, darling! The evil overlord look doesn't look good on you! Stop this!” “Rarity?!” But she'd be too frozen about rules to do something like this! “Twilight!” Gah! Anoth- “That much evil magic in you can't be healthy!” “Pinkamena?!” “Twilight, stop this right this minute!” “I am supposed to be the rotten apple on purpose, Twilight! Not you!” “Spike?! Applejack?!” But they were back at the club house! “Stop it egghead!” Gah! Wait...it can't be... “Fluttershy?!” “The truth is...I've always felt like you were hurting yourself with this mad scientist stuff, but thought it was YOUR problem...I'm sorry...” Fluttershy...apologized? Not...not logical! ________________________________________ How did we all get up there? Let's just say my new friend with a cape was happy to give us a lift. ...I...Twilight...Now her problems became my problems...I'm sorry... ________________________________________ They're...they're fighting me? Why? They're my friends!...wait...Trixie. She's trying to steal them just like she steals everything else from me! "I'LL DIE BEFORE I LET YOU STEAL THEM TOO!" I screamed, intensifying my beam. I'm not letting her steal my friends too! Ow! "Wake up already egghead!" Fluttershy yelled, grabbing onto my neck. "We're doing this for YOU!" "What?!" "This can't be good for you, Twilight," Pinkie yelled, hanging from my leg. "I don't have many friends, Twilight, I don't want to lose you!" Rainbow Crash admitted, looking...scared as she hang onto my back. "And if I don't try to pull you back, who will?!" Spike questioned. "The rules changed, Twilight...the world isn't dog eat dog anymore..." Rarity called, looking like she was trying to breakdown a wall in her own head. "I was told the rules are flexible! I...I don't care if a lady wouldn't help you, I'm your friend!" "And...and...you're one of the only ponies that make me feel important! I do not want to lose you!" yelled Applejack, hanging off my hind legs. We all looked at her in shock. "Well...I...Ah got pulled away from Uncle Rich! Ah ain't gettin' pulled away from yah too, Twilight!" Was she crying?! They...girls... “Maud, it was unwise to engage her before we could catch up!” Wait, Derpy?! “I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle, I love you...and everything, but you have to be stopped!” Chrysalis? “Trixie, let me help you! And Twilight too!” Sunset?! “Rainbow, keep holding her! But be careful!” Gilda?! Where did...they must have come to help her while my friends had me distracted...why... They brace Trixie, each one causing another color to join their beam! It's a rainbow now! No, no, no! Stop! I can't lose! This was my moment! Stop! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No...No, no, no... I'm now in a crater...No wings...and...no dark magic...just reality... I...I'm sorry...I...I never meant for anypony to get hurt...I never...I could have... I just wanted to be somepony for a change...to finally make my parents proud, that's all...why? Why did everything go so wrong? Why...By King Sombra, what have I done? What did all of Equestria see me do?! I'd always fantasized about stuff like that, but...they were just petty little fantasies...I...I never meant for them to come true...maybe deep down I always wanted them to and didn't want to admit it...I wasn't a big pony...I was just a five year old living out her power fantasy...they're not as fun in real life... Huh? “Twilight, you gave us quite the scare,” Rarity tells me. She looks...less confused... “...Actually helping...feels good for a change...” Fluttershy admitted. “Glad you're okay, egghead...” Pinkamena was too busy checking me over to see if I was hurt to say anything... “Don't ever scare me like that again!” Spike yelled...he's...he's crying... “Yah were doing too good of a job being the bad guy, even fer me, Twilight,” Applejack stated, giving me a look of...is that concern? “Glad yah snapped out of it...” Rainbow Crash just hugged me. ...They care about me? Yeah...we're...we might take our shots at each other...but... “I'm...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...” I'm...crying...it's been so long since I let myself cry... My stage starts falling without me to keep it up...but Captain Goodguy and King Tirek (back to normal thanks to whatever that was they used to snap me back to reality) caught it and lowered it back...then Captain Goodguy snapped his fingers and put the parts back where I got them from. “Alright, North Canterlot is where South Canterlot was and half of Canterlot is now orange, and I'm pretty sure Healthnut Joe's is now in the upper class district, but no pony died,” he explained. “But oh boy that was a doozy! I may also have misplaced a bit of stone, still some repairs you're going to need to do by hoof.” I...I...my parents live in Canterlot...I could have...Canterlot would have collapsed with everypony in it...I... Applejack's grandmother comes over and says something to her...and....hugs her?! Ah! Starlight Glimmer?! She just teleported in here! “Rainbow...Rainbow Crash...” she panted. “I think...I think you broke the sound barrier!” Rainbow...she blushes. “Uh...I...I don't know...I...” “I think you just forgot you were 'supposed' to fail...” She...she actually broke the sound barrier?!...At least she'll be happy... … I didn't resist when the guards came for me...I...I never wanted THIS... “Twilight Sparkle?” Trixie? ________________________________________ Celestia and Luna watched the events before them. “...This didn't end as intended...but...they did come to her aid...” Celestia said, the duo having saved the ponies caught in Spotlight's rampage from falling to their doom. “Do you think they can really change?” Luna smiled. “Sister...the link between worlds is no more...the merger caused many unexpected changes...but now that it's gone, those six...their future is theirs. As is ours...” The Day Princess gave a small smile. “Indeed...then may it be a bright one...for everypony...” End of Tales from the Dark Side of the Mirror. To be concluded in Legends of the Dark Side of the Mirror. See the heroes' side and the full battle.
BONUS: We're (Not) ToughView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorBONUS: We're (Not) ToughOh, hey there. Want to talk to me? Hang on a second, I'm kinda in the middle of something. “Are you ready, Scooter Girl?” asked my pilot, looking back at me. “Always ready, let's do this!” I replied, putting on my awesome, special helmet that hides everything but my muzzle and walking up to the edge of the helicopter. And cue music. [=Swat Kats Opening Theme=] I jumped out and folded my hooves up to the side, diving straight down and building up speed. I see my target, a big elaborate base built into the side of a volcano. Why is it always a volcano? Geeze, it's like Dr. Cloudburst is running out of ideas. Dr. Cloudburst? He's my archenemy of course! Every great hero needs one after all! Well, okay, I've had like five, but he's my biggest one! Probably why being in his helicopter while it was crashing into an oil refinery which exploded didn't kill him. Did give him a nifty mechanical arm though! I spread my wings and glad down, trying not to lose too much speed so when I grab my scooter off my back and I'm still moving wicked fast! The two goons in front of the entrance see me, but before they can react BAM! I jump forward and kick one right in the kisser and then WHAM! I swing my scooter around and slam him right in the face! “What's a matter? Sleeping on the job?” I quipped. “Then you won't mind if I take...this!” I said, rummaging through one of their black uniforms to find a key card and using that to open the door. Okay, let's see, security cameras... “Sweetie Belle, can you hack the cameras?” I asked into my cool earpiece, putting a little receiver into the nearest terminal. “Can I? Tsk, it'll take ten seconds flat.” I take out my watch and look at it...and the cameras start glitching out and exploding right on time. “Right on time, as per usual.” “I don't know why you'd ever doubt me.” I take out my scooter and start down the hallway. “Alright, let's see. If I were an evil mad scientist with an attitude problem, where would I keep my stolen relic?” I asked, looking around as I sped down the hallway...and suddenly big steel doors begin slamming right behind me. “Looks like he knows I'm here!” I speed up, racing as fast as I can, the doors slamming shut right behind me. The last one, naturally, begins closing in front of me, so I do a slide on my scooter, going right underneath it. Slams shut like an inch from my head. “That was cutting it close, even for me...” I dust myself off and continue on into a great big room. “Sweetie, I'm in a big room.. Where's the stolen Lava Ruby?” “You're going to have to be more specific that, Scoots.” “It's big, dark...” And of course I'm now suddenly surrounded by a room of mooks who weren't there five minutes ago. “Full of bad guys...” I say, giving a pause. “Still going to have to be more specific than that.” I jump up to dodge one jumping at me and kick the one behind him BAM, right in the muzzle! Then I flip off him and swing my scooter off my back and smack another BLAM! Right in the side of the head! I extend the handle of my scooter and begin using it as a staff to smack 'em around! Why does my scooter turn into a staff? Because its bucking awesome, that's why! Besides, my codename is SCOOTER Girl, what else would I have for a weapon? One back flip later and KAPOW! Last three are out cold! “What about a room full of unconscious bad guys?” I ask Sweetie Belle. “That narrows it down.” Some unicorns pop out on an upper level so I hop on my scooter and put on the rockets, launching forwards and dodging their beams like they're nothing! “Go down that hallway!” “Which one?!” I replied, dodging more lasers. One of them freezes the ground in front of me, and I ALMOST spin out but barely manage to catch myself and dodge another beam from his buddy that lights the entire floor on fire! “The one with the blinking red light on it that isn't on fire!” “Oh, okay, I see it.” I fly through the door and continue down the hall way...until I see somepony standing in front of the final door in my path. She's a filly about my age, wearing a black cat disguise with a whip in hoof, a crown on her head with a black cat in the center, yellow muzzle exposed. “Catastrophe!” She smirks, flipping her red mane. “The one and only. Figures Ah'd see you here. If yah want the Lava Ruby, you'll have to beat meh to it!” Who's that? She's my rival! Of course I have a rival, what good hero doesn't have one?! She's a phantom thief who's always trying to steal the things my bad guys stole! “Shoulda guessed that it wouldn't be that easy...” I muttered, taking off after her. How can she keep up with me? She has the speed of a cheetah thanks to her magic amulet! You're new to this, aren't you? What?! No, she's not my love interest! He's back at the X-Games waiting for me to get back! We rush down the hallway and take blows at each other. Of course, she didn't beat me, she only did that when I first met her and a few times after that! Now we just tie most of the time! Finally, I managed to tackle her through the final door of the hallway and we rolled over each other before launching off one another and landing on different sides of the room. We both take our fighting stances...then notice the big pedestal in the middle of the room. “The Lava Ruby!” We both yelled. We both looked at one another and raced right for it when BAM, a big robotic arm knocks us back! The bottom and top of the room both rearranged and aligned themselves, coming together to become this big robot with the jewel at its core! The ceiling opened up and down came a big glass cockpit with a certain smug griffon with a robot arm inside. “Dr. Cloudburst, I knew I'd be seeing you here!” I yelled, staring up at the mecha suit twenty times my size without a bit of fear. “Oh yes, little Scooter Girl and Catastrophe! It has been a long time!” he announced, as bombastic and hammy as ever. “Eh, I kicked your flank last week,” I replied, then gave my best cocky smirk. “And Ah've certainly pick pocketed mah share of stuff from yah,” Catastrophe mocked. Hers is ALMOST as good as mine. “Laugh while you can, you little nuisances! With the geothermal power Lava Ruby powering the products of my brilliant mind, nothing will be able to stop me! Including you two!” he yelled, preparing for battle... “And...CUT!” Aww, scene done already? Anyway, name's Scootaloo, or as I'm called on my action figures, Scooter Girl! Yeah, secret agent code names don't have to be super creative, especially if its a stage name, but it suits me doesn't it? Oh, the burning tire Cutie Mark? Well, it's actually fake. I'm trying to get my Cutie Mark. In what? Being badflank awesome! That's what! Finally, ugh. I can stop using big sister's fake accent. Makes you sound dangerous and all, but it is so hard on the throat. Me? I am Applebloom, youngest daughter of the prestigious Apple Family and co-star of this show. “Good work, cousin,” said Liberty Belle, my cousin and stunt double. What? You think somepony as important as me is going to do my own stunts? Then again, maybe that would get Grandmother worked up. Hehe. Maybe try that for next season. Anyway, Liberty's my age, we have the same mane and coat color, so she was a perfect fit. She's grateful I was nice enough to get her a job, or if she's not she really should be. “Yes, it was, wasn't it?” I said, giving a chuckle. “Were my stunts okay?” she asked. “Eh, they were okay,” I replied. But who really cared? She was the stunt double, I was the one everypony came to see. Scootaloo?...Yeah, her name's in the title, I guess. But I'm her co-star, this show got so much better when I joined the cast. The only reason I'm not in the title too is the producer found her first. But they recognized talent when they saw it and made me just as important as her. Am I in every episode? Not EVERY one, but most of them since I showed up! And I get superpowers, all Scootaloo gets is a lousy scooter! And I haven't checked in awhile, but I bet my toys sell better than hers! They sure did when I kicked her flank in my first episode! The cat get up? Hehe. My idea. They wanted to introduce a bad girl rival for Scootaloo, so I thought 'black cat crosses your path,' made sense to me. And given the ratings, it definitely did to everypony watching. “Good job, Applebloom,” Scootaloo said, coming over to me. “I know...you were okay.” “You were great!” Liberty chimed in. “Thanks, you were good too, Liberty Belle,” Scootaloo replied. I cleared my throat. “Oh, and great one liners, Applebloom.” “Yes, they were, weren't they?” I asked, giving a pose. “My sister was right, the accent makes me sound so much more badflank.” “Uh...yeah...you've told me that before...” “Yeah, I know.” The accent? I don't know where sister got it, but it definitely sounds cool, doesn't it? My sister always gives me pointers on how to look tough. She's always telling me how she's a big wanted crook back in Canterlot, so I'm learning from somepony who knows a thing or two. Certainly get along better with her than I do with Grandmother and Big Macintosh. Oh, you've talked with Applejack? Then you know our Grandmother doesn't give a darn about either of us, huh? Only thing about Applejack I don't get is why she doesn't like being a rich pony. Especially with the whole 'evil Princesses' thing. Part of why this show gets so well funded. What? You thought a TV show would get our budget because the King liked it? Hardly, though I don't doubt he loves it. Entertainment does wonders to keep ponies' minds off what's going on. Scared? Hehe, nah. We move so often the Princesses never get a look at us. Right now we're filming at the beach. Sure, I can travel wherever I want to (that's the power of money), but this way I get paid for it (not that I need it) and more ponies get to see me. You can always go see the world, but how often do you get to let the whole world see YOU? My Cutie Mark? Eh, it's a fake. Though a black cat would be great for the one I'm GOING to get. What am I going to get it in? Being a badflank bad girl, what else?! Why do I want that? Hehe. Just watch and you'll figure it out. Good, I can finally get out of this stuffy room! Ugh... Who am I? Names, blech, Sweetie Belle. Don't blame me, mom picked it! Like I'd pick a sissy name like that if I got a choice! Laugh at me and you'll find yourself missing a few teeth! What do I do? Ugh...this is why I told the producer I should be one of the bad flank leads, not tech support! I mean they said its because I look smart, and of course I do, but I'd rather be in the 'busting heads' part! Oh, my part of the show? I stay back in my little den giving 'Scooter Girl' tech support as a kid genius super hacker. Yeah, it's cool, but why do the other two get to be out there punching mooks in the face! I'm the toughest out of all of us! Yeah, I'm a unicorn, what of it? You racist or something? That and I keep having to wear sun glasses just coming out of my set! Do they HAVE to keep it that dark?! At least its cooler out here than outside in Celestia's heatwave. Oh, and I ALSO sing all the music for the show, including the theme song. THAT part everypony knows like the front of their hoof. If only because mom and dad won't stop playing it for the neighbors EVERY time they come over. Not that I blame them. “Good job, you two. I guess,” I tell the others as I trot over. I have a monitor so I can see what's going on and make up stuff on the fly. “Thanks,” Applebloom replied, looking as smug as ever. “I'd say you did a good job, but we didn't see you.” “Oh shut up,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “At least the camera SEES me instead of my cousin!” “You sounded good, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, getting between us, like she normally does. “Thank you, at least somepony appreciates how hard I work.” Scootaloo's girly, but at least she appreciates me. Hehe, what's a matter, surprised? Most people see the bad flank kid spy, not the girl who collects dolls and gets hooficures. Like I said, I should be the one out there doing the punching mooks lights out! Still, being here beats the Tartarus out of being back home with my parents. As screwed up as my big sister is, she was right to get out of there. Our parents are bucking control freaks! I know what I said, want to make something of it? I'd like to sing more if they weren't always bossing me around about it and expecting me to be the next Muse Sister! 'Sing louder, Sweetie Belle, you want them to hear you in the back!', 'No, sing softer Sweetie Belle, ladies don't shout!' 'Ladies do this,' 'No, Sweetie, ladies do THIS!' And they wonder why my sister turned out to be a huge mess. If you listened to everything our parents said, you'd end up a giant mess too! Oh, and then there's the fact they want me to be a classical musician like Vinyl Scratch. Well guess what? I don't wanna! I wanna be a rock star like Maud Pie! Hehe, at least my parents are so desperate to get a famous kid I could be a famous super villain and they'd still approve. Why do you think they keep playing my rock music all the time? Oh, my Cutie Mark? Eh, like I'd have a geeky computer! It's fake. What do I REALLY want for it? To be a bad flank, tough girl! Huh? My friends said the same thing? Hehe, of course they did! Who doesn't want to be badflank? And besides, who wants to have a DIFFERENT Cutie Mark than their friends? That'd be lame! No, I'm not afraid of us splitting up if we get different Marks! Oh, you didn't say that?...Well, I'm not! I'll admit it, even though I get bummed when the scene ends and I go back to the real world, I like chilling out back at the trailer as much as anypony. Especially since we get the star's trailer! Only annoying part of sharing a room with my friends is when Sweetie makes fun of me for being 'girly.' So what if I collect dolls and read fashion magazines, that doesn't mean I'm girly! And even if I was, I AM a girl, so what's the big deal? Besides, I'm the star! And the star gets to do whatever she wants to! “This is the life, huh?” Applebloom asked, eating some fancy fruit. What's fancy about it? It's got a name I can't pronounce I guess. Apparently the fruit used to be 'sweet,' but I don't think I've ever tasted something sweet. Or I have and not known that's what it was. “Yeah, I guess,” Sweetie replied with her normal tough girl act and reading one of her comic books. What am I doing? Getting a hooficure, stunt work is murder on the hooves. I mean yeah, I'm not really hitting ponies in the face (in my mind I am, but I wouldn't be doing my own stunt work if I really did), but your hooves tend to hit the ground pretty hard no matter what you do. Sweetie's giving me that 'you're being lame' look again, but what does she know? “Don't know how it could get much better than this!” Okay, maybe it was better back when Luna wasn't evil...Though on the other hoof, the show was a lot darker back then. They made it a lot happier after that. The director said it was to make Equestrian smile again. I don't mind, less dark stuff means more adventures and more chances for me to look awesome! Though I do kinda miss that season I went into space and fought aliens, even if the big bad that season was kinda generic 'I want to destroy the planet because reasons' sorta guy. His actor loved every minute of it. Hehe The director liked to joke how his 'diet consisted mainly of scenery.' Do I know what that means? Yeah, means he's a big ham! What? I'm an actress, I know THAT much. Shame his character fell into a black hole and he left the show, he was fun. Huh? Am I related to that rainbow maned pony? Nah, she just ends up crashing while we're filming a lot of the time. Happens so often the director made her a background gag and considered hiring her to do it but then got the insurance estimate. I don't know anything about her except she's a mess and keeps asking for my autograph. Not that I blame her for THAT! You know the difference between the hired help back at our mansion and here? These are ours! Not Grandmother's, but OURS. Which means it's ME they're scared of disappointing and not Grandmother. Why does that matter? Because it means it's ME who's the center of attention! They're paying attention to ME not, Grandmother's rules. Why does THAT matter?...It just does! “Get me a daisy sandwich,” I ordered. “Yes, Miss Applebloom,” our servant (okay, he's some fancy word, but he's our servant as far as I know) said, and went off to get it. Miss Applebloom. That has such a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Only problem with this is it's harder to be a bad girl when bossing them around is what I'm expected to do... “Hey, did you notice that the script says I finally find out your secret identity next episode?” Scootaloo asked. That? Well long story (like three seasons long) short, I first showed up as Scootaloo's rival in extreme sports (okay, Liberty Belle does the actual sports, but I still do all the actual acting, and that takes so much more talent), then showed up as Catastrophe when she went on a mission, but neither of us actually realized we're each other because we both wear masks. “Eh, I don't write this junk, I just act it,” I said, and it's true. Not sure who's writing this episode. “Yeah, if you did, it'd be called Applebloom and the Appleblooms,” Sweetie remarked with that grin of hers. “Would not!...Though that does have a nice ring to it,” I reply. What? It does! And my character's name isn't Applebloom, so that wouldn't work as a title. Maybe 'The Amazing Catastrophe!' or something like that. Ah! There's my daisy sandwich! Thank him? Why? He's just the hired help. “I'm just wondering how we should actually react to that...” Scootaloo replied. Ugh, she gets all caught up in the scripts whenever we go over it. Director said she's a' method actor' or something like that. I just memorize the scripts and try to act like I should for that scene. So long as they don't do anything to ruin my attention basking, I'm fine. “And I think we kill off Cloudburst.” “You mean like the LAST time we killed him off?” I asked. “He's 'died' more times than Owlmare!” Conveniently, she just 'died' again in the comic I was reading, so I show them. She even screamed 'not again!' as she fell into a power plant smokestack! “Tartarus, even I 'killed' him once! Applebloom 'killed him' the first time she showed up!” I yelled. How did that happen? I hacked one of his big machines and cut the power while he was flying after Scootaloo. Applebloom took a smug pose. “Well I WAS the new badflank rival! What better way to show how bad flank I am than beating up the big bad guy by myself?” “When I 'killed him,' it lasted a lot longer,” Scootaloo bragged. I gave Applebloom a smirk. Kinda fun seeing that big head of hers get popped. Applebloom keeps forgetting MY family is rich too. But being 'old money' apparently meant somehow she was better than me! “Well I 'killed' him cooler than you did!” “What I'm wondering,” I said. “Is when they'll actually let me out of the bucking control room again!” Seriously, I've only gotten out of that control room twice! Once to get into a different control room when we fought aliens in space, and once to teach a bunch of phony so called 'heroes' for hire who were trying to get rid of Scootaloo a lesson about hacking MY system by turning their base's defenses against them! And that was the first, and so far only, time Scootaloo's character has actually interacted with mine at all! Scootaloo looked at the script. “Says here you arrive in person to hack the defenses of Cloudburst's mecha suit.” “FINALLY!...Oh wait, I need to read that...” Okay, so I normally don't need to memorize the script as much as those two because I'm STUCK IN A BUCKING ROOM with one camera pointed at my face the whole time or in a sound booth recording a song, sue me! And now Applebloom's getting that 'I'm not the center of attention' face again. Eh, fine by me, that normally means we get out of this dump and stretch our legs for a bit! Why? Hehe, watch this. “Eh, I'm getting bored and we're done for the day,” she said, then got a devious look. “Let's go out and look for some trouble to get into.” “I'm game,” I replied, putting the comic down. Red Mane beat Owlmare again. “I don't know...” Scootaloo said, being a baby and trying to chicken out. Just like she always does. Girl will do the most dangerous stunts you can think of, but is scared to death of a little mischief! Thankfully, Applebloom can be pretty persuasive. “Oh I understand. If you're too chicken, you can just stay here,” Applebloom said, in a tone that made it hard to tell if she was being friendly or mean. She picked it up being a high society type, trust me, you learn how to hide your words. Why don't I? Don't want to. “Am not!” Scootaloo yelled back. “Just...I just got a hooficure!” “Well I guess Catastrophe knows Scooter Girl's big weakness now: chipping a hoof!” Applebloom replied. “Lamest hero weakness ever,” I replied. What? Scootaloo needs to toughen up a little bit! How do you think our fans would react to seeing their big tough hero afraid to chip a hoof? Scootaloo got red in the face. “FINE! Let's go! I'm in!” “That's better.” We're walking through town, looking for some mischief to get into. Like we always do. Got conned into doing it?! Nah...Applebloom was right, I shouldn't be afraid of a few pranks! I'm a big tough hero! I've got a reputation! Speaking of which, getting requests for autographs left and right. Now this is the part of going out I like! The fans wanting me to sign their pictures and figures! Did you know I have a toyline? I mean yeah, half the stuff in it will never be in the show and is just there on the off chance a kid wants a figure of me with a capture claw gimmick, but come on! I have an action figure of me with a capture claw gimmick! And yeah, I have all my own action figures, they give them to me. Applebloom has hers back at her family's estate on a gold shelf with like twelve spotlights on it. Sweetie Belle? She's got a couple, though most of them are of the robot drone she's sometimes used to join missions. What did you expect them to do with a unicorn who barely ever leaves her room? “Alright, girls,” said Applebloom, getting that devious look she does. We're in front of a big house in the middle of the small town we're filming near. It looks old and run down...probably not going to be the only thing we do tonight... She picked up a rock and threw it straight through one of the windows. Sweetie used her telekinesis to do the same thing. “Your turn, Scootaloo.” And now they're both staring at me. I pick up another rock and threw it through another window. Sweetie takes out that bottle of spray paint she keeps on her and writes our CMC logo on it. CMC? Cutie Mark Crusaders of course! Why?...Well we're trying to get our Cutie Marks in being badflank and the Crusaders part sounds badflank, so why not? “Alright, that's a good warm up, let's find something a bit better to do.” Why do we do this? Applebloom says it makes us look badflank and her big sister does it all the time. Sweetie says it's fun. Me? I do it to be badflank like Applebloom says. She's right, I don't want to be a chicken. Alright, this place looks good. We were just practicing, now we're going to throw a rock straight through a big fancy house window! Why am I doing this? Hehe. Well, you see it is a game really. One I like to call 'How Far Can I Push.' Big sister kept trying and trying to get Grandmother to pay her mind. Still is. And I thought that was a wonderful idea! And at first, I gave it a shot...but then I realized one thing. Grandmother has a surprisingly high tolerance for misbehaving fillies (guess Applejack beat me to a lot of the good stuff). Acting out never got me attention from HER. But after spending day after day being a pretty little doll? It did wonders to relieve my boredom! After spending so long being an accessory for my family, it drew attention to ME from the hired help. It made them have to pay attention. But they'd gotten used to my sister's antics I guess, so I decided to try something new. I'd keep pushing and pushing until they blew up! Blew up at ME! Focused on ME! HAHA! I must say, there's nothing more fun than seeing a babysitter get so fed up she quits! Grandmother has gone through quite a few. And the best part? I ALWAYS get away with it! Grandmother just hires another one so long as I act like a pretty little angel for the guests! So why do I do stuff like throwing rocks through windows? Simple: to see how much horseapples I can get away with! And being the child stars of a popular TV show? We can get away with a lot. Why? Two things: first, we're minors. Which means 'we're too young to know any better.' And two? We're too important to let go! What are they going to do? Hire another three fillies who can act and do stunts that look exactly like us then say we all had plastic surgery? As if. GOOD foal actors are WAY too hard to replace! The producers just pay all the damages to get the charges dropped and back to work we go! That's the fun part about being rich and famous! You get the best of everything and can do whatever you want! Besides, if big sister does it all the time, it has to be tough, doesn't it? She sure makes it sound like it! Besides, I'm the bad girl character, I'm supposed to act like this. Spoiled rotten? Hehe, if you think I'm rotten, go talk to my brother. You haven't seen anything yet. Anyway, time to cause a little trouble! “Are you sure we should be doing this?” Scootaloo asked as we looked up at the fancy house Applebloom picked out. Though the place was still kind of a dump. Considering how everything is, guess that's to be expected. “Bawk bawk!” Applebloom clucked. “Chicken!” “I'm not chicken!” Huh? Why do I go along with Applebloom? Cause mom and dad wouldn't like it if they knew I was! Just like they don't want me to sing rock music or wear these crazy outfits! Why does THAT matter? Because my big sister listened to everything they said and look how she ended up, duh! Why should I listen to anything they say? I don't want to end up a mess like her! Anyway, Scootaloo finally gets riled up to grab a rock and throw it. Me and Applebloom follow up really quick. Lights come on in the place and I make sure to spray paint our CMC mark onto the side of it before we high tail it! Why leave our mark if we run? Because we're going to get away with it like we always do, that's why! Anyway, rest of the night goes like you'd expect. Broke some more windows, wrote some graffiti here and there. Dumped a trash can with a skunk in it in someponies house. Guards catch us FINALLY. “Call our producer,” Applebloom says with that smug grin of hers. “We'll pay for the damages,” the producer says back. And then we're back at our trailer in time for bed. What? You expected anything else? Huh? Teddy bear. Uh...no, I don't have a teddy bear here! Goodnight! Okay, so big final battle scene being filmed. Liberty Belle climbs up onto the big robot prop 'Cloudburst' is in, and swipes the Lava Ruby from the chest. Blah blah blah, will dub my voice in later on. Scootaloo does something big and flashy. Blah blah blah. Ah! Me and Liberty Belle swap out when the camera is on somepony else and we run full on down the hallway, CGI explosions will be added in later on so we look extra awesome! “See yah at the next race Scooter Girl!” I yell, then throw down a smoke bomb and exit all cool like. “Ah ain't gonna go easy on yah now that Ah know yer real name!" Ugh...I finally get out of the control room set again and it's to be in ANOTHER control room set! At least I'll finally get the bucking chance to do the cool 'run away from the exploding base' scene and have a moment meeting up with Scootaloo this time! Geeze! “Need a little hoof ?” I ask, looking at the big fake robot holding her in one claw as I push random buttons that apparently equals 'hack his suit and make his chest panel open up to reveal his weakpoint'. Okay, so we're fighting Cloudburst's big mecha suit after making a big escape from the death trap he put us in last episode (and finding out each others' secret identities)! He grabs me in it's claw, prepared to crush me to bits! “Need a little hoof?” Sweetie Belle asks in my earpiece. The big door on his chest opens up and there's the Lava Ruby! “Ah'll be takin' that!” Catastrophe yells, swinging in and grabbing the Ruby right out of his chest. “NO! MY LAVA RUBY! GIVE IT BACK!” Cloudburst yells, now a big sitting duck in glitching mecha suit! “YOU...YOU...YOU ROTTEN BRATS!” I get out of his claw and grab my scooter, using my wings to launch me up the side of the volcano ledge and BLAM! Right back into his cockpit! He topples backwards and falls right into the volcano! “NOOOOO! CURSE YOU!” he screams as he disappears into it and the volcano starts to go! Time for a dramatic escape as the whole place goes boom behind us! “See yah at the next race, Scooter Girl!” Catastrophe yells, then throw down a smoke bomb and disappears into thin air. “Ah ain't gonna go easy on yah now that Ah know yer real name!” I gave a chuckle. “I wouldn't have it any other way!” “And cut!” the director yelled. Aww, over already? Oh well, the adventures won't be ending any time soon! “That was the series finale, the show is over...” “What?!” all three of us asked. “Sorry, kids,” said the producer, I never bothered to learn his name, I barely ever talked to him. I didn't...really get to know any of the crew. He then shrugged. “We've been at this for so many seasons the writers are out of ideas and felt that was a good way to end it. Especially with some sensitive information we've gotten from up above, can't tell you until it's made public. Better to go out on top, you know?” “But...but...but...” I muttered. It's...it's over? No more Scooter Girl? No more big adventures? “It's really over?” “Well, we might make a movie, and we'll call you back if we do. Don't worry, you three are good actors...if a bit high maintenance, and decent foal actors don't come along every day. I'm sure you can get another job soon.” I'm sorry...I...I don't feel like talking right now... So yeah, show's over and we're heading back home. Oh well, guess I'll go back to playing with the servants. We were dropped off at Rich Apple Acres for our parents or guardians, or whatever to pick us up cause my family works with the place and Captain Good Guy promised my great something or other he'd protect the farm. And something or other about 'the danger's past' or something. Don't know who's supposed to pick up Scootaloo, never met her parents. Why not just send us straight home? Hehe, I made our private chauffeur’s so miserable they quit. Three times. Good times... Sweetie Belle nudges me as we sit on a bench and wait. “Applebloom, look at Scootaloo.” I look over...and she's still moping around. Had been since we got the news. I thought she was just upset she'd not be the star of the show...but she looks... Scootaloo's a lot of things, but moppy isn't one of them. Getting depressed...it just feels wrong. “What's wrong, Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle asked. What? I'm...I'm not soft! I just don't want Scootaloo moping around! She's bad enough when she's just girly! That's all! She jumps up. “Oh...uh...I...I was just thinking...how...we don't all live in the same place...We're...we're not going to stay together, are we?” We...we all looked at each other. “I...I hadn't thought of that...” I said. Me and Applebloom live in Canterlot...Scootaloo doesn't...Well, officially she DID while working on the show, but before that? I don't know anything about that. “Well...I can invite you over sometimes,” Applebloom said. “I've got hired chariots and besides, it'd be boring without you two around.” “Yeah, that's right, so do I,” I replied. Scootaloo smiled a tiny bit. “That...that'd be nice.” Huh? How did we meet? Me and Applebloom met first, parents are both big ponies in Canterlot and mom sells her cookies at the Apple Family's store. Long story short, mom figured out a way to make really good cookies without sugar and everypony loved them, blah blah blah. Point is, I met Applebloom at a business meeting and our parents thought it'd be good if we got to know each other. Well Scootaloo was already Scooter Girl by then. She was at an autograph signing and we both went to it. Normally, it'd just be, you know, 'here's our action figure' get the signature, ask a couple questions (well, Applebloom wanted to ask to maybe join the show, but I was mainly hoping to see her get shot down). But that changed when somepony crashed the party. Heard of Empress Cadenza? Us fillies used to call her the Boogie Mare, back before Luna took over that name. Rumor has it that she likes to find ponies who love each other and only take one of them to take back to be her slaves, leaving the rest behind. Parents used to say 'don't wander off alone or Cadenza will take you away.' She used to work with Celestia, but ended up turning on her aunt and taking some place up north for herself. Any way, she decided to attack Scootaloo's little gathering and kidnap her to drive her fans into despair. And maybe snatch a few more slaves while she was there. Thankfully, Chrysalis was there (apparently she's a big fan of the show, who knew?) and fought her. ...We spent the whole thing hiding under a desk together until a stray beam almost caused a roof collapse on us... Applebloom won't admit it, but Scootaloo ended up saving us both by pulling us to safety. THAT'S why I try to toughen her up, I know she can BE tough. Anyway, Chrysalis won, but Cadenza got away. Chrysalis got her autograph (and Scootaloo got the biggest hug I've ever seen). One thing lead to another and we became friends...Yeah, I said, we're friends! Say something and I'll punch your lights out! Why did I save the others? I...I didn't think of why...they were there...I grabbed them and pulled them out of the way. I did feel like a hero...I liked that...I liked feeling like the hero...just like I liked being the hero on the show...I felt special...just like I did when we were... “Oh, it's you.” I turned to see...oh, well look who it is. Little pink filly with a white and purple mane. Her names Diamond Tiara. Don't know why, she doesn't wear one, just a stupid cowboy hat that matches her Cutie Mark. Reminds me of an old picture I saw back at the house, but can't remember the details. “Oh, hello, Diamond Tiara,” I replied, giving a smirk. “How are you doing? Well, other than poor of course.” She gave a snarl. “Ah'm NOT poor.” Oh, right, that's where my sister got that accent. “Close enough.” “Applebloom, who's this?” Scootaloo asked. Oh right, she's never met her. “This is Diamond Tiara. Her and her father do my family's manual labor,” I replied. What? It's the truth! “She means we do the work that keeps her family's entire business afloat,” Diamond replied. Ugh, of course she's still just as proud of being a dirty farmer! Always was, I don't know why. “Hardly. Grandmother does the REAL business,” I reply, giving a chuckle. And Diamond is grinding her teeth. Good. “Look, pa told meh to come ask yah if yah want some food while yah wait.” “I wouldn't mind-” Scootaloo started. “Ugh, country food? As if,” I replied. “I will have the servants make me a big gigantic feast when I get home, I don't need to stoop to such a thing.” “We're the ones who GROW yer apples!” Diamond yelled back. “And we're the ones who actually SELL them. Besides, why eat carnival fair here when I can eat like a queen back home?” What do I have against her? Eh, maybe I just don't like her, did you ever think that? It's not like she has anything for me to be jealous OF or anything! Huh? Why does my head feel wet now? We all look up and...the sky's full of clouds...dark ones... Diamond puts her hoof out and looked at the water landing on it. “It's...It's raining!” “How? The pegasi cities were destroyed?!” Sweetie Belle asked. “PA! IT'S RAINING!” Diamond yelled and ran back towards the farm house. Good riddance! “Applebloom! We're getting wet!” Sweetie Belle yelled. Darn it she's right! “Wait for us!” Scootaloo yelled and they ran off towards the smelly farm house, taking their stuff with them. “FINE! If you want to stay in the gross farm house, then go right ahead!” I yelled...and sat here in the rain...Alone...in the dark...by myself... “HEY WAIT FOR ME!” “Oh, so they decided to come in after all?” Diamond Tiara's mom said, looking a bit shy. She might've been pretty, I guess, if it weren't for that crooked nose of hers. What do I think of Diamond? Eh, nothing really. She seems tough. Thing that bugs me is how Applebloom was acting. She kept looking at Diamond Tiara with that 'you have something I want.' Oh, that's not weird. It happens all the time, it's just normally she just calls somepony who works for her and orders it, or tells me and Scootaloo to write it down so she can later. I mean yeah, we kinda got fired and all, but she's still got her family fortune. It wasn't like her to be jealous and NOT tell us to get her what she wants. “Yeah, ma, but that ain't important! It's rainin'!” Mrs. Rich's eyes went wide. “Raining?!” she asked, running out. Applebloom looked to Diamond. “What is with that accent of yours, anyway? Your family weren't cowponies.” Diamond snarled back. “Where's YER accent? Yer family WERE!” Hehe, I'm tempted to get some popcorn, this is going to be fun. To Be Continued In Legends From The Dark Side of the Mirror
A Bad Apple (Tries to) Spoil the BunchView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorA Bad Apple (Tries to) Spoil the BunchAlright, easy plan. Just get in get out, simple. Though Ah guess Ah should let somepony see meh. Ah mean what's the point of being a ne'er-do-well if no pony knows?! Not that anypony shouldn't know who Ah am! Ah mean Ah'm on the wanted posters! Yah'd think the guards would get called on meh more often! Maybe they can't read. Speakin' of which, why ain't anypony noticin' Ah'm doin' mah plottin' while standin' on the grass here! ...Huh? What do yah mean Ah ain't standin' on the grass cause its dead?! There's still a sign right there!...Stupid drought! Makes it hard work for everypony...not that Ah'm lazy or nothin'! Ah just don't like work! Someponies don't like politics, some ponies don't like fightin', Ah don't like workin' mah flank off fer no good reason! Who am I? Mah name is Applejack, yah better not forget it! Ah'm one of the most wanted ponies in Canterlot!...What do you mean that's a small list?!...Oh yeah, the Princesses tryin' tah kill us all thin'...Well Ah don't care! Ah ain't lettin' those two ruin mah day while Ah'm...tryin' tah ruin everypony elses! Even if they destroyed all the Pegasi cities and there hasn't been rain for days! Ah'm a bad gal too! A thirsty bad gal, but still a bad gal! Maybe Ah should swipe somethin' tah drink! Yeah! That's what'll do! ...Okay, turned out that was a free water stand tah help ponies survive the drought Ah just stole from, didn't know we had those...Ah still stole from it! Yah can't tell meh Ah ain't bad tah bone! The other girls at the hideout know Ah'm bad! Fluttershy said so!...Ah'm pretty sure she wasn't bein' sarcastic either! And Rainbow knows am too! She even tried tah help meh once or twice!...Somehow we ended up givin' out flowers tah orphans, ain't sure how that happened...But it wasn't mah fault! Ah still made one of 'em cry! And Ah totally meant tah step on their hooves to do it! Ah swear! But none of that is important right now! What is important is that Ah got a job to do! Ah'm gonna rob a store owned by the Apples! Yeah, Ah'm an Apple, what of it? No pony tells Applejack what tah do! Alright, AJ, let's do this! Ah sneak in, all smooth like. Ah even whistle a little, no pony will suspect a thing. Ah slowly trot over to the apples, lookin' around to make sure no pony's lookin' (at least until Ah'm runnin' the other way)...and of course some reason everypony is, dang it! Okay, just gonna have to wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...Ah there we go! Dang it now they're watchin' again! Dagnabbit! Look away don't yah! Why is robbin' a store so borin'?! Bein' a criminal's supposed tah be exciting, not all this waitin' around! Now that big sissy Buck Withers is pickin' up some apples himself! Yah'd think the stallion who wears nothin' but pink would be goin' after the peaches! Then again, Ah guess he might just be pickin' up ingredients for fruit smoothies for that triathlete of a wife of his. Ugh, come on this is takin' forever! Mah legs are getting' tired! Finally! Okay, no pony lookin'; grab the apple and make sure only the security cameras see yah! “Excuse me, Miss?” Dang it! Manager saw meh! Oh well, at least he'll get a good look at mah Cutie Mark as Ah run awa- “Oh! Miss Applejack! Long time no see!” Buck! He gives a smile. “I hope the store is to your satisfaction, despite recent events we have been trying very hard to keep it clean and up to snuff. Come to try the produce? I can bag it for you...” “Uh...well...Ah...Ah was stealin' it...” He blinked and looked at meh like Ah told 'em Ah was an alien. “Um, Miss Applejack, this is your family's store, it's difficult to steal something that you already own.” “Well what about Granny Smith?!” “Well you're living on your own, I don't believe she'd have it in his heart to deny you of food in these difficult times.” My eye twitches and I glare at him for a moment. “...See you later then!” “Have a nice day, Miss Applejack. And please do visit your grandmother some times, she sincerely misses you.” “You don't tell me what to do and neither does she!” “Yes, Miss Applejack.” I flee that insane place as fast as my legs can carry me! ARGH! Why can I simply not seem to get in trouble for robbing my family's store?! Uh...Ah mean, uh...What in tarnation is wrong with mah family?! Is Granny Smith too busy sipping her fancy tea tah care her granddaughter just tried tah rob her blind?! What's with mah accent? Don't be silly! Ah ain't got no accent! This is just how Ah talk! What was that guy thinkin'?! Treatin' meh like Ah was just some innocent little filly?! It's humiliatin'! Ah'm bad tah the bone! He's lucky it wasn't worth the trouble, or there woulda been trouble! Don't yah doubt meh one minute! Ah just didn't feel like it'd have been worth it tah beat 'em up or nothin'! Wasn't worth it for an apple, much too much work not enough profit fer this cattle rustler!...Dang it! That only makes sense when you're a cow! Ugh...Great, there goes mah evil plan for the day. But Ah can't leave on that note, it'd be humiliatin'! So what can Ah do now? Can't just go back tah the hide out with that story or the girls will never let meh live it down! Ah got a reputation to keep up! Ugh...why can't Ah just finish a crime so Ah can go back tah the hideout and play video games?! Ah! There's a guard! Hmm...Ah know what Ah'm gonna do! Ah'm gonna get arrested! Yeah that's right, Ah'm gonna get mahself thrown in the dungeon right here right now! What do yah say about them apples?! Huh? That's what Ah thought! Alright, sneakin' behind him, he don't see meh...now, what can Ah do tah get his attention? Somethin' that'll get meh cuffed and hauled off the hoosegow faster than your head can spin? Hmm...arson? Ugh, then Ah'd have tah go through the trouble of findin' a lighter and getin' some fuel... Murder?...Uh...well...Ah ain't in the mood fer it! Ah could if Ah felt like it! Ah ain't a sissy! Jaywalkin'?...Of course it'd be the one time Ah want Canterlot tah be busy it ain't! Hmm...let's see now, there's gotta be somethin'! Ah can't follow this guy all day! Mah legs are already tired from all that standin' around! Okay, let's see, lots of houses...lots of rocks. That's all there is around here! Houses and rocks! And not the kind of rock Pinkamena's sister's inta neither, at least then Ah could get arrested for disturbin' the peace. Or breakin' a window...wait a minute...Haha! That's more like it! Finally a real crime tah commit! Ah sneak around to get ahead of him (Ah hope he appreciates all the work Ah'm goin' through! Gettin' arrested ain't as easy as it looks!). Okay, let's see, which house looks the fanciest? This one will do, lots of windows, marble pillars, big yard. Whoever lives here must be loaded. Ah pick up a rock in mah mouth, wait for the guard tah get close...little more...get a good view big guy! Ah throw mah head forwards and CRASH! Right through one of the windows! Better do it till he catches meh! The more Ah break the more trouble Ah've caused! There goes another one! And another! That makes four!...Five...six...seven...Takin' the guy awhile, ain't it? Ah turn around and the street is plum empty! What the Tartarus?! “Hey! Vandal over here! Just broke a window!...Hello?! Mr. Guard Pony! Ah'm confessin'! No need tah stake meh out or nothin'!” …Seriously, what the buck just happened?! Since when can yah break out all the windows in an old mansion and not get arrested?! What is the world comin' tah?! What's next? They watch meh burn down a store and don't lift a hoof?! Ah mean really! ...Wait a second, what's this sign say? 'Condemned...' … … … Of all the...I swear, since when is any house in Canterlot condemned?! It is not like it is a bad neighborhood or anything! Sure those vile miscreants attack every week or so, but it isn't that bad! I do declare I have nev-I mean-Ah mean of all the rotten, lowdown, dirty things tah do tah a hard workin' criminal like mahself! What's next? All the stores close down so there's nothing tah rob?! It's so hard tah be a ne'er-do-well these days! Just tah blow off a little steam, Ah kick a rock at the house with my back legs, but it deflects off an-YOUCH! Ha! In yer face house! Now Ah look even more badflank! Ah got an eyepatch! Now back tah business! Ah actually put a lot of effort inta this caper so it's definitely gonna get somepony's attention! Ah even bought paint! Several gallons of the stuff! On mah granny's credit card! Top that! A whole fifteen bucks Granny Smith will never know where it went! Let's just hope she finally gets up off her rich, stuck up, lazy flank tah notice fer once in her life! Why do Ah need gallons of paint? Hehe. A little vandalism of course! Gonna paint the entire side of this building with it! How in the world is somepony gonna miss that unless old sunbutt somehow blinds the entire kingdom?! And that ain't gonna happen, she already tried two or three times! Luna tried once at night too!...Wow, that sounded a lot less depressin' when it was in mah head... Now, what should Ah make mah masterpiece here?...Nothin' too big, that'd be too much work and Ah'd have tah go through the trouble of findin' a ladder...How about an apple with one of those red cross out things around it? That'd get mah message across! No way that's getting' interpreted the wrong way! Or should Ah say the right way? Why am Ah out tah get mah family so much? None of yer beeswax! Ah'm who Ah am cause Ah like it, yah got a problem with that?!...Wait! Come back! Yer supposed tah pay attention tah the bad guy! Not walk off in the middle of what they're sayin'! Geeze! If yah want tah know why so bad, Ah guess Ah can tell yah. After all, Ah got time while Ah do mah little project here. Yah know, lookin' at our world now, it's hard tah tell it, but this country used tah be real pretty. Back when Princess Celestia was alone and the big three goodie goods had her under control, and when they ran inta trouble King Tirek and his kingdom were happy tah help (now they're too busy dealin' with Tirek's nasty brother Lord Scorpan after the Princesses let him out of Tartarus). Back then she caused a lot of trouble, but we still had Pegasi makin' weather tah give us rain and dirt good enough for crops tah grow. And boy did they grow. And with that came lots of farmers, which is where mah family came in. Mah Granny Smith is a selfish old coot. Always had been, always will be. Tah hear how she talks about it, she wanted tah live in the lap of luxury somethin' fierce, and it just so happened her family was pretty well off. So naturally when her daddy ended up insultin' Princess Celestia one evenin' and they had tah find themselves a nice little house on the edge of Everfree until Captain Goodguy could give 'em some protection, Granny Smith was the first pony tah complain. She called her pa a 'big coward who wouldn't stick up for himself.' Personally? Even a rotten tah the core pony like yers truly knows better than tah pick a fight with old sunbutt. Of course, good fortune happened along and her daddy discovered a rare breed of apple around there and started breedin' it, was a pretty smart fella. And thanks tah Captain Goodguy makin' his presence known, they were free tah start a little farm (sadly, their old place and a chunk of their money was now a crater). Now while mah great grandpa was a smart guy, he was a bit lackin' in the physical department, so he had to hire out. One of his workers was an old stallion named Stinkin' Rich, which was a pretty dang ironic name given he was dirt poor. Old Mr. Rich was a selfless guy, he didn't sign up tah work on Sweet Apple Acres cause he wanted a pay check, he wanted tah help the new family startin' over out and perhaps store up enough money fer his kids. Met 'em a couple times before he passed, good stallion. Over time, Stinkin' Rich became a friend of mah great grandpa, but Granny Smith just saw him as somepony who might be a bit convenient fer her tah use some day. Like Ah said, Granny is one selfish old bucker, didn't see anypony as a pony so much as a pawn, Ah think that even applies tah meh and mah sibs. Now Granny Smith loved the idea of bein' rich from the little taste she started life with, which she was gettin' what with all the apples they were sellin', but what she didn't like was the idea of livin' on a farm, much less runnin' it. However, Stinkin' Rich's grandson Filithy Rich grew up on that farm and knew how it ran like clockwork, and was probably the one pony that the Apple Family trusted completely. So she got it in her head a way tah stay rich without havin' tah pull her own weight. She went and sold her daddy's farm tah Filthy Rich for a decent amount and left the trouble of keeping the place goin' tah him. Then she went and opened up a store tah sell Rich Acres apples and apple products for top dollar all over Equestria, givin' Rich a decent cut of the profits (Flim and Flam's daddy was the supreme judge at the time, and he wasn't too keen on dirty dealin'), but letting herself sit back and rake in the bits while a few hired helpers did the real work. As soon as she was pretty sure she could get away with it, she packed her bags and moved tah Canterlot to live high on the hog. Mah brother went with her, from what Ah heard he's quite the lady's stallion...for one night at least till they get to know what a proud braggart he is! Feel sorry for the duchess he's married tah for his title! Wonder she still has ears! He even tried tah make a move on Princess Trixie once, guess how well that turned out? ...Ah was born on that farm, and spent a few years with the Riches, real nice folks. Selfless and generous. Filthy Rich was practically mah dad for a year or two when mah parents passed (Ah was still pretty young at the time, Ah'm surprised Filthy had sweet little Diamond later on in his old age) until Granny Smith decided tah stick that big nose of hers were it never belonged. “It simply isn't right for a member of the illustrious Apple Family to grow up knowing little of the finer things in life, I'm taking little Applejack to Canterlot with me,” she said. Did she ever ask what Ah wanted? Nah, Ah know exactly why she snatched meh up like that: because havin' little orphan foal with yah earns a boat load of sympathy points, that's why! She practically let the TV do mah raisin' so long as Ah wore a big smile when it came tah public appearances and acted that part of her 'darlin' little angel!' And mah baby sister Applebloom? The photo bugs couldn't get enough of her. All the while Granny Smith got tah say 'Oh look at how good a pony I am! Taking care of my orphaned grandchildren!' ...And ponies wonder where Ah learned how tah lie. Ah had a very good teacher. As fer meh? Like Ah said, Granny Smith raised meh tah be her definition of a proper lady. That is stuffy and with mah nose straight up in the air when we were in public, and a spoiled rotten little princess at home. She expected all the things Ah had tah do her foal rearin' for her, them and the servants. For meh tah just ask the servants tah buy meh things, play video games whenever Ah wanted tah, and politely stay outta her mane. Like Ah said, she was lazy, did yah expect her tah actually have a hooves on role in raisin' foals? Now, Ah can hear some ponies sayin' 'Applejack, why would yah choose a life of crime over bein' a rich, fancy pantsy southern belle'? Because bein' rich is buckin' borin'! Not only that, but Ah realized somethin'. Ah wasn't meh, Ah was Granny Smith's idea of what Ah should be! A smilin' little doll that she could dress up for parties, then ignore and leave on the shelf when the party goers were gone! And mah big brother ain't much better! He expected meh tah be the same so Ah didn't embarrass 'em around his dates. Wanted meh tah sit around bein' window dressin' so his latest lady would think he's such a good big brother tah meh. So long story short, Ah was stuck in a borin' life Ah didn't care one bit for with ponies who didn't care one bit for meh, and livin' as a mask they forced on meh instead of bein' meh. Being their little wind up doll that might as well have not existed when they didn't pull meh off the shelf! Tah put it lightly, Ah was a bit bitter about that. Ah played along, but sooner or later Ah thought Ah was gonna go stark ravin' mad from boredom! So Ah came up with a new hobby: seein' how much rotten stuff it'd take tah finally get mah family tah pay attention tah meh at all! At first Ah started drawin' on the walls, but about all that got meh was a little 'Applejack, be a dear and behave yourself' and the servants havin' a little extra work tah do! And yah know what? At first that made meh happy! Finally somepony was actually talkin' tah meh! It felt like gettin' a taste of sweets for the first time! But sooner or later Granny Smith decided that was too much work and just told the servants tah start cleanin' it up themselves. Well at that point, Ah decided tah start one uppin' mahself tah get more attention. Ah tried breakin' every toy they got meh, they just bought meh more! Ah tried cussin'...but Ah didn't really know that many cuss words and the ones Ah did Ah learned from them anyway (Ah've learned lot more since then)! Ah gained like ten pounds stealin' cookies from the kitchen, all that got meh was them worryin' a bit about ponies thinkin' Ah was getting' fat! Ah did every buckin' thing a kid could do tah get in trouble and it never got meh anymore than a slap on the wrist!...So Ah decided tah get serious! Ah started snatchin' things from visitors and stuff from around the house. Jewelry, the TV remote, even money right outta her wallet. Ah didn't even want any of it, Ah just wanted Granny Smith tah finally, really chew meh out! After Ah had a decent stash, Ah decided tah wait fer the fireworks...and wait...and wait...and wait...But it never came. Do you know what Granny Smith did? She simply went out and bought replacements, never even caring where the little missing things had gone. She didn't even seem to mind the missing money. Even at my worst it was as if I didn't exist at all!...Ah...Ah mean...Ah... The moment Ah was old enough, Ah got the hay outta dodge and moved out tah become a professional ne'er-do-well. Ah thought 'if a little theft ain't gonna cut it, maybe a big score will.' Especially if that big score was from Granny's own business!...Ah admit, Ah didn't think it'd be so much work! Ah mean stakin' out a place, findin' the right time, waitin'! Ah'm lucky Ah make it through the day! But Ah know someday, when Ah finally make a big enough mess of Granny Smith's little empire she always loved more than meh, THEN she'd care! So Ah've been plottin' the downfall of the Apple's business ever since! Team up with the Princesses tah do that?! Even by mah standards that's nuts! They just ain't trustworthy!...Luna proved that much. Ah...kinda...maybe almost starved to death. Just a little bit. Rainbow and the others found meh sleepin' in their club house one night when it was rainin', we talked, and meh and Twilight hit it off. Girl knows how it feels tah want attention, Ah tell yah that! And they don't just see meh as a little wind up doll either!...They see me...as me...They invite me to play cards, they actually ask me what we want to do. They're more my family than Granny Smith ever was! She can rot in Tartarus for all I care!...I mean...Uh...Yeah, she can rot in Tartarus fer all Ah care! From what Ah hear, little Applebloom feels the same way! She's buddy buddy with Rarity's little sister and this foal named Scootaloo, and they're more family tah her than Granny and Big Mac ever were!...Ah...Ah don't know how Ah feel about her followin' in mah footsteps that way...I don't know if...Uh...Anyway, there yah go, the big bad origins of Applejack! Hope yah enjoyed it! Now, let's take a good look at mah handy work! Nice big red apple with a nice big line through it! And a little skull and crossbones on it in green! That outta scare somepony! Maybe two! Let's see anypony ignore this! ...Wait a second...this buildin' is set aside for street art?! Come on! Dang it, now Ah've gotta go do it all over again where it'll actually count as vandalism!...GOSH DARN IT I'M OUT OF PAINT! WHAT THE BUCKING TARTARUS?! ...Ah'm going back to the club house...Ah need a lot of cider...If Pinkie Pie hasn't thrown out mah stash again... Author's Note Art from wolfram-and-hart
I'm the Pony Everypony Wants (Not) to KnowView OnlineTales from the Dark Side of the MirrorI'm the Pony Everypony Wants (Not) to KnowWhy good morning, darlings. I am Rarity Belle, Equestria's finest fashionista at your service. Do you need fashion advice? I have quite the knack for it. I know all the rules of being a lady like the front of my hoof. Speaking of which, how do you like what I've done with my room? Just finished redecorating! Oh? The polka dot wallpaper? Why because they grab the eye the moment you walk into the room, bright and vibrant. And the white goes so well with my fur, the exact same shade! A perfect match! And the stripes on the other wall are there to make the room look bigger, they are supposed to make things look fat, right? “It looks like your room has chicken pox, and eyes...” Spike said looking in. “And the other wall looks like a prisoner.” “Don't make me banish you again!” Yes, I banished him for insulting a perm I got. Twilight let him back in. I had to! Insulting a mare's mane is a massive breach of chivalry. It's a rule! Stallions are supposed to treat mares with proper respect! Even if they're dragons! Oh, what does he know? He's a baby dragon. He's cute, but that's natural, not anything to do with style! He doesn't know the rules and pretends he does! And he won't wear this lovely yellow suit I made him. Doesn't he know you never turn down a gift from a lady? Oh! Speaking of which, I must be getting dressed. It'd be unladylike to go to lunch undressed. Or anywhere for that matter. Now let us see, it is still spring. I think. So hard to tell when you're in a drought. It is such an awful thing to have to wear a sunhat everyday. Or is it a good thing to have an excuse? So many rules to remember. Ah! Now I remember! It's awful because it's spring, it's only good during the summer. Because they're sunhats, and when is the sun the most intense if Celestia wasn't evil? Now back to more important matters: picking the proper attire! Well if it's spring, then green is a good choice. But I wore that lovely green sweater yesterday! The only other green I have is a Heart's Warming Eve sweater. Well, the TV always do 'Hearth's Warming in July' specials, don't they? This should be perfect! How do I look? Speechless? Just what I was going for. What do I do? Why I make a splash, isn't that what a pretty mare is supposed to do? A noble pony makes certain all eyes in the room are on her no matter what it takes. That's the most important rule. The core rule. The one that is always right. If I'm of noble blood, why am I staying here of all places? Simple, darling. When I moved away from home, I needed a place to stay and came across this lovely rustic abode. Not only is it charming, but every other part of Canterlot looks the same, so this is by far the most unique house in the entire city. And doesn't everypony always say unique is such an attractive thing? So how can living in one of the most unique buildings in town be anything but attractive? Judging by the ruckus, I'm assuming that Pinkamena dumped out our food again, as she tends to do at least once a month. Oh well, ponies like to idolize dangerously slim ponies, or is slim out of style now? If everypony is slim and being unique is good, does that make pudgy the new slim? Ugh I do so hate it when the rules change all of a sudden! It's hard enough to keep track of them as is! And now there's a crash. I do hope it was nothing that added character to the place. A lot of things can be so very hard to replace. Sure we could buy any old thing to replace it, but those would just be generic things you find a store, and being one of a kind is the best thing about this place. Well while they're messing about, I should get my makeup on... Hmm... Eyeliner or lipstick? Or both? I am wearing green and red, so maybe lipstick to compliment it? Or maybe that would be too much red? Is makeup supposed to stand out against or complement what you're wearing? One of the two, both ways can't be right...Hehe, what was I thinking? Drawing attention to your face can never be a bad thing! I'll use both! Huh? Who's at my door? “Rarity! Get out here!” “Twilight? What is it? I'm about to put on my makeup!” “Important! House meeting! Now!” “House meeting? What do-” “NOW!” I suppose my makeup can wait. I didn't even get the chance to do my makeup, this had better be important, or I will be quite miffed. Oh, how do I feel the others? Well, there's Rainbow Crash, I do not believe she ever tries to dress up. Though she did look rather nice that time I loaned her my green sweater (so long as she told everypony I lent it to her). The green in her mane is rather understated, the green brought it out. Or does that only work when it's the same shade? No, I'm certain green goes with green. Twilight normally dresses in that nice white lab coat if she does at all. I suggested she accessorize with green, green really stands out when matched with purple as well. I mean look at how adorable little Spike looks in them (when he's not insulting me and forcing me to banish him). For some, reason she never listens to me, though. Fluttershy was born pretty, and she gets it. She knows what it means to be the center of attention. She doesn't have much fashion sense, though. And that's a shame, honestly. She'd look so much prettier in a the right dress. Applejack at least knows the look she wants to present. Nothing says 'bad girl' like leather jackets and cowboy hats. Though would it kill her to accessorize? I mean really, if you want to look the part go all the way. Oh wait, she's got an eye patch, good. Still, could use some chains. Maybe some red. Nothing says bad like red and black if that's what she's truly going for. Pinkamena is minimalist, but she does like dressing up. Even if it's just to sneak into places. I don't lend her anything because she can't tell them where she got it, though. But I can never convince her to wear bright colors, she just says they're 'untrustworthy.' Then again maybe muted colors attract attention to her fur. Or does it attract them to the dress? The dress is out of place on bright fur, so it probably will attract attention, so bright colors would bring out her appearance better. I'm sure of it. And it draws attention to you, so how could it be wrong either way? Huh? 'What about them'? I just told you? Oh, what I think of them personally. Sorry, just most people think the first impression is the most important one. And how you look is just that, the first thing somepony sees of you. And the company a pony keeps draws attention to them. Rainbow Crash...is a mess, but she's our mess. I think out of all of us I'm the one she gets to properly 'help' the most. After all, standing still to model isn't the hardest thing in the world. That and she pulls off the 'sad puppy' look better than anypony I've ever seen. Not to say she hasn't found a way to mess that up from time to time. Then again, having my room wrecked via domino effect did yield some interesting inspiration. But she is quite willing to tell others I gave her the outfits. Twilight is a bit full of herself, easily distracted, and likes to experiment...on us sometimes. A lot of the times. But she gets what it means to make a splash and attract attention. She's certain one day her science skill will get her a big break. I can definitely see the appeal. It's a very good way to get all eyes on you. But I'd prefer not to wake up to explosions or her accidentally creating a stinkbomb. Fluttershy and I? We get each other swimmingly. We both know standing out is what a proper mare needs to do. She's blunt and sarcastic, but she understands how to be a lady. We talk about the attention we've garnered or the like. The only problem is getting her to model for me; I'd love to, but she doesn't see it as 'worth the effort'. Which I admit has me a bit miffed, are my designs not good enough for her? Still, I suppose that keeps me from being overshadowed by her, so that I can stay in the spotlight. Applejack and I have known one another since we were fillies. My parents and her grandmother arranged play dates from time to time while mother discussed one of the Apple's stores carrying her cookies. We're both of the upper class, even if she doesn't show it. And we both knew what it was like to have demanding parental figures, though I imagine mine were far more competent and caring if her view of Granny Smith is any indication. What? She never mentioned it? I wonder why. Is she trying to ignore me? Still, at least she actually accessorizes. Pinkamena...is a...healthy pony. She gets us food. And she's very intelligent. And she at least actually wears clothing to go out, that's more than most of our friends. Still...I don't hang out with her to have fun; I must admit. I suppose I've always been a social creature, though. It is a little surprise I would ultimately end up in a large group. After all, a lady's value comes from how others look at her, so how can one be one if no one is looking? Beauty that isn't looked upon goes to waste. Beauty must attract everypony's attention at all times. Now, what is all the fuss about? “'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!'” Applejack yelled, looking the newspaper. Wait...what?! “How?! What happened?!” I exclaimed. I... Apparently, the Princesses. Apparently they're now good guys, Sombra's corrupted to evil, and Lord Scorpan is back in Tartarus. I...I...Forgive me, I...there's no rule for a lady reacting to a world changing event. I hate it when the rules change! It just makes everything so confusing! Still...Princess Celestia looks unusual. Ponygypt, never fashioned her as that sort. She always seemed to be wearing a shade of purple. I do admit it went well with her mane. I just can't see her wearing bright colors or blue. Or anything not evil. And apparently Rainbow Crash started an out of control storm, again. How did she do it the first time? I do believe by getting instructions backward and giving out storm clouds instead of normal clouds, but this time sounds far worse... Oh! And there's a party to celebrate?! Everypony who's anypony is going to be there?! From King Tirek to Princess Trixie?! If Pinkamena and Twilight are going, I simply must attend! Why?...Because I must. A lady should never pass up an opportunity to show off! She must take every opportunity to be the center of attention with all eyes on her!...She must. It's a rule. Oh, Pinkamena can complain about cake all she likes, but I need to figure out what to wear! Though now that everypony will get meat back on their bones, being skinny will probably go back to being in. I need to lose weight. “Hey, why is there a picture of us fighting the Princesses here?” asked Rainbow, looking at the paper. “What was that?” I asked, looking over and, my word; it is us! But, how?! There on the picture were us, but not us. That was blatantly obvious. Pinkamena with curly hair? Applejack not decked out in leather? Fluttershy looking caring? Twilight with... were those wings?! The most surreal image was... Rainbow Crash with a confident expression. It made her look almost like a completely different pony! It's...chilling to see that for some reason. Myself? Oh...we weren't that different. She was beautiful and lady-like. Her mane was fabulous, and she carried herself with grace. Though she does seem more 'rubble tumble' than me, given she was fighting. Though she was naked! I mean even if you're going to fight, a lady must stand out and have a good appearance even in the midst of combat! “Um...everypony...” I interrupted, needing help making sense of this. “Rainbow Crash was right...there is a picture of us fighting the Princesses...” Thankfully Twilight hadn't tried to clone us again...apparently these ponies were literally us from another universe, who brought the weapons that purified the Princesses. I admit...a world where I'm a hero? It's...so much to take in. But I admit that is an attractive prospect. After all, who has more eyes on them than a hero? More attention. And everypony worships the ground you walk on. I am actually quite envious of her for that I think. Then again, being a heroine has even more rules. New rules. And I've spent too much of my life learning the rules of being a lady to learn new ones all over again. I hate it when the rules change or new rules decide to throw wrenches in the works. Before our conversation could continue, there was a knock on our door and in came...Starlight Glimmer?! The Starlight Glimmer?! The owner of Our Town and one of the most famous teachers in all of Equestria?! Oh no! I'm underdressed! I've got to get something better on! A lady can never be under-dressed before somepony famous! Or pass up the attention of somepony famous! Alright, let's see. Starlight Glimmer is light heliotrope in coloration. What goes well with that? Well, yellow contrasts purple. Heliotrope is a variety of purple, and she's a pale color, so perhaps a dark yellow shade to contrast properly? Ah yes, there's my mustard yellow dress! Huh? Why do I have a mustard yellow dress? Simple, it contrasts my mane and makes it stand out. Now, how should I have an accessory? Ah! She has aquamarine in her mane, so I'll put an aquamarine bow in my hair. There we go, now time to dazzle our guest. “Hello, darlings,” I said, trotting in. Hold your head high, don't look down, look confident to draw her attention. Fluttershy was no longer here, well at least she won't overshadow me with her natural beauty. I looked to Starlight Glimmer. “Hello, Miss Glimmer. I have heard so much about your work.” I make sure she can get a good profile look at me. Huh? Why did Applejack face hoof? “Uh...thank you...Miss...Rarity Belle, correct?” “Oh, you know me!” “Yes...mainly from the multiple counts of vandalism.” “I assure you, the accounts were greatly exaggerated, darling, do I look like a vandal to you?” It wasn't vandalism; that house was just painted so dreadfully wrong! It'd have been against the rules to not fix it a little bit! Starlight looked me over. Just let her have a good look and hope she likes what she sees. “Uh... no... you look... very... yellow...” “Thank you darling! It goes so well with my mane and eyes!” She looks stunned, exactly what I was going for! Huh? What's that spell? “Wait...your special talent is for getting a reaction out of others?” “Why yes, darling. Isn't that what a lady is supposed to do?” I asked. And it's true. “I...I think I'll need to talk to you before I have a reply, but I'm afraid I don't have time at the moment, perhaps later?” Starlight asked, why does she look concerned? “Certainly, I had a party to go to. I take it that's where you're heading?” “I was going to, but I felt my business with Rainbow here was more important,” Starlight explained, pointing to Rainbow Crash. What? “Wait, what business?” I questioned. Rainbow looked down. “Uh...well...Starlight wants me to come with her to Our Town. Sorry...” “Why does she get special treatment?” I questioned. Yes, I'm miffed! And envious! Why should Rainbow get to go with the celebrity?! “Sorry...” Rainbow whimpered. Starlight gave me a look that I admit frightened me a tiny bit... “Miss Belle, Rainbow Crash is NOT getting special treatment. Our Town is open to anypony who wants to learn and grow, if you wish to come, then come along with us and skip the party, you are very welcome to it. Or come along later on, either way you're welcome.” Why did that look on her face make me feel like she was testing me? Party with lots of celebrities or going with one and skipping the party. “...I'll come later if that's alright. Maybe...” Why does she look sad? “...Alright then...” What were the others doing? Applejack was talking to Rainbow for some reason; I wasn't paying attention. Regardless Rainbow Crash went with Starlight in the end. Worried? As if, she's with a celebrity! I'm green with envy!... Wait...should a lady not be that? A lady is supposed to be honest, but she's not supposed to be jealous...I... “...See you later girls...” Rainbow Crash said, looking down. “Are you mad I'm going for a bit?” “No, not at all darling...” I said. “I'm...happy for you...” “...Yeah, happy for yah...” Why does Applejack look more jealous than me? It's unlike her to be jealous of somepony else. Oh well, not my problem. “...Tell Twilight I said see you later...and I'm sorry about breaking her window yesterday, and tell Fluttershy I'll write her, and...” “Sure, whatever,” Applejack replied. Well that was out of nowhere. Still, maybe catching a train ride to Our Town some time would be worthwhile, but it's so far away and who's going to see me there in the middle of nowhere? Still... Oh goodness! It's almost time, and I still haven't done my makeup! A lady mustn't be late! Unless she's fashionably late! “The party isn't for a few hours, what's the rush?” Applejack asked. “I need to do my mane!” “You look...nice Rarity,” Twilight said, pulling a wagon with some sort of...thing behind her. I don't question it. She'd wanted to wear her lab coat, but I convinced her to wear a dress. She still didn't take my advice and wear the proper colors. “Why thank you darling, the mane was the difficult part.” I kept the mustard yellow dress, my makeup took awhile to get just right. Both eyeshadow and lipstick. I chose a particularly vibrant shade to make sure I drew attention to my beautiful face. There were a lot of eyes I needed to draw the attention of. As for my mane, I went through the trouble of curling it, it takes time, but it was certainly worth it! “I can tell...I didn't know that many curls were scientifically possible. Are your lips bleeding?!” “No, darling, that's just my lipstick.” “Oh...well, as for me, I'm going to impress Sir Discord, King Tirek and the others with my mastery of science!” She exclaimed. Her machine gave off lightning behind her as she said that (she is pulling it in a wagon after all). “And then everypony will see it should be ME and not Trixie who deserves their respect and admiration! And if that doesn't work...” she looked at this lovely purple locket she was wearing around her neck. It even had a little pulsing light in the shape of a purple star. “Just so long as it doesn't explode, darling...again.” Well, we couldn't have the party ruined before I get the spotlight, now can we? “That was Rainbow Crash's fault!” “I meant the other time.” “Spike forgot to carry a two, that's all. I double checked afterward.” Twilight got arrested that time. To be honest, I think Applejack is a bit jealous of her. Of course, Twilight does want to be the center of attention, as a proper lady should, so making your friends jealous is simply part of that. Still, I don't believe she intended to get quite as much attention as the 'mane washing' incident. Do not ask. Just know she only got the washing part correct. Ugh, walking to this party reminded me of how dull this town is. Just a dull, dull walk towards the city hall past the same cookie cutter buildings. Ugh, and I got in trouble for doing some improvements. Vandalism is Applejack's cup of tea; mine is ART! Huh? Tell my life story to pass the time? What a wonderful idea! When does a lady look up a chance to talk about herself after all? Now where to begin? Naturally a pony such as myself came from a noble and respectful family! My father is Hondo Flanks and my mother Cookie Crumbles, I'm certain you know all about them. Oh? Explain for those that don't? Certainly! My father is currently the lead coach for Canterlot's hoofball team and has been quite the success at it. Yes yes, sports were suspended once Princess Luna turned evil, but he'd made enough money to last, and I'm sure he'll be going right back to work soon enough! As for my mother, she is one of Canterlot's best and brightest chefs! Her secret cookie recipe is so fabulous that they took the city by storm! Even without sugar or sweetener! My mother is just that good! I'm certain now that sweets are making a comeback, she might even make royal chef in no time! My cooking? Well, I'm not as good as my mother, or even my younger sister. I may be capable of burning juice...But I'm a lady, ladies being able to do their own cooking is a bonus, not a requirement! And as you can guess, they are one of Canterlot's best power couples, and to such a life was I born. Father was often busy coaching during hoofball season and offseason he was planning for the next one, so mother influenced most of my early life. She had it set in her heart that I would learn to be a proper lady and instructed me on the subject daily. My, I'd even say I learned how to curtsy before I learned how to trot! My lesson continued until one day I found myself in need of a dress of my own for a school play. Now, I had knowledge of sewing (what lady doesn't know how?), but my dress just felt...lacking. As if something very vital and important was absent from it. That's when I realized my mother had recently purchased a new set of jewels and her previous ones fell into disuse. Well, she wasn't using them, and we were naturally quite wealthy, so I decided to use them to spruce up that dress. Oh, I was so proud of it! And so was everypony else! So were my parents! It was a beautiful masterpiece! I wish I still had it to show you, but mother still has it back home. And well, standing up there on stage, in the beautiful dress I created, with all eyes on me? It was that day my Cutie Mark appeared! Mother and father were proud beyond belief! And afterward, my mother saw a talent that needed cultivated, and set out to help me do just that. Isn't that what a good mother does? Mother drilled me on the rules, the do's and don'ts. The in's and out's. And father contributed as well during his off season time, telling me what a stallion wants in a lady. So many rules. So many things you should and shouldn't do, so many. A lady should always wear a dress when outside, except when she shouldn't. A mare should know how to sew, but a lady shouldn't bother herself with trivial things like menial labor. Use that spoon for soup, that one for stew. Don't wear stripes, they make you look fat, but sometimes they fill you out and then it's okay. Wear purple, it's Sombra's colors, very patriotic, but be careful which type, certain shades are Celestia's. It's impolite to ask your client a million questions, but you need to deliver on what they want to the letter. Nobility is entitled to what they want, but must obey the rules of proper behavior and what it means to be a lady. So many rules, many from mother, many from father, many from both but with different takes. I do say it got bewildering at times. Sometimes it was like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded to figure out how all the pieces when together. Like my brain was going in all directions at once. But a child listens to her elders, correct? So how can my parent's dear advice not make sense? So I made sense of it! I made them all fit together in the end! I had to. After all, I wasn't a lady or a fashionista if I missed even one. That much mother made very clear. And I'm a better mare for it! But one rule was always clean cut and clear. A lady must always draw the eyes of everypony. They must always bring the spotlight on them. A lady should always have all the attention she deserves. And a stallion should always treat a mare with due respect. That rule was always comforting. It was the most straight forward. Naturally the other rules change, but that one? It never does. It's concrete. It's set in stone. The world can well go to Tartarus, as it has, and that rule stays the same. And it is my special talent, after all, so why shouldn't I strive towards it? Eventually, my darling little sister Sweetie Belle was born and my parents began to focus on her, as parents should, even if it took attention off of me, which ponies shouldn't. Especially when she got her spot on Scootaloo's little program. She sings the theme song you know of the show and does a beautiful job, mother was so proud. I never quite did understand what Applejack worries about those three for, they're getting all the attention a foal could ever need. The rest should be quite clear: I moved out so I could find my own spotlight to bask in, stumbled on this rustic place with my old friend Applejack as a tenant. The rest is history! Thank you for hearing my origin story, it was quite fun to share! Ah, and it also served it's purpose well and passed the time! We're here! And my, my, my, this is such a big gathering! Oh, there's Al. E. Zotl! Though that old grandfather's outfit doesn't suit him at all. He needs something that would bring out those muscles of his. And maybe something orange to go with his blue, those two colors complement each other. And there's Captain Good Guy...in an odd outfit as always. A purple and green tux. Fits him quite well to be honest. And ah! There's Princess Trixie! Ugh, but that blue barding is way too much blue! Is she even trying to stand out?! Maybe red or orange would fit! Twilight decides to trot ahead upon noticing that. It's only natural, Trixie is her 'rival' as she puts it. “Hey! Let me go!” Naturally the guard decided to stop her; she is a criminal. “Twilight Sparkle...” Princess Trixie replied, trotting down to talk to her. “Too afraid of finally being upstaged by your rival?!” Normally I'd like to say hi to Princess Trixie, but Twilight is doing a nice job keeping the guard busy. Sorry, dear, but a lady must always be the center of attention, and I can't be if my friend already is, can I? I may not be Shadow Spade, globe-trotting thief extraordinaire, but I do know how to take advantage of a distracted guard! Besides, Twilight would probably use that old teleporter she invented to get in, assuming it doesn't teleport her into a bank vault again. Oh, Pinkamena's sister Maud Pie is doing the music! One of the greatest rock stars in Equestria after all! Oh, so many celebrities in the same place at the same time! Darn it, she's talking to an odd pony in a fedora and trench coat! I don't know why Pinkamena insists on having nothing to do with her sister; I'd leap at the opportunity in a moment! I should know, I have with Sweetie Belle. Huh? My! Looks like that pony got quite miffed at Maud...now she's open. “Hello, Miss. Pie,” I said, trotting up to her and letting her see me. “Oh, hey!” she called, snapping up. “Your...Rarity right? Pinkamena's friend!” “Indeed, darling! We're good friends. And may I say, that shirt fits you. It definitely screams 'Rocker'...but may I suggest a choker collar or chains, though? If you're going for the rocker, go all the way.” “Eh, I'm a simple gal. It's worked for me so far,” she replied, giving a shrug. Of course, her voice got ponies to look at her. And being a rocker had different rules than being a lady. “Your dress looks...nice...reminds me of a wild party I was at once! After we drank a lot.” “Why thank you, darling!” I replied, giving a smile. “The yellow goes perfectly with my mane!” “Yeah...kinda...I guess...hey, Rarity...” she started, shooting a look in the direction that odd pony left. “...is Pinkamena doing okay? I worry about her, you know?” “Oh, she's doing fabulously. Very healthy, even in these trying times...though she does cause problems throwing out all our good food and the like. Though thin is likely going to be in again, so that's fine.” “Yeah, always did that back home. Doesn't mean I don't worry she'll worry herself to death.” “Oh, certainly,” I replied. “I know how you feel, sometimes I'm concerned about my little sister Sweetie Belle. I mean have you seen some of the things she wears on Scootaloo's little show?!” What? I'm here to get attention, not let Pinkamena take it all when she's not even here. Huh, I thought there would be more variety, why is it all fruits and veggies? Oh well, never pass up free food. Oh! There's King Tirek! He's so majestic in that gold armor! But maybe he could be wearing some crimson, after all, it'd go with his skin tone so well! Too bad he's chatting with Sir Discord. “Miss Belle?” “Oh! Hello, Mrs. Smith!” Applejack's grandmother is one of the wealthiest mares in Equestria, owner of an entire franchise of bargain stores! She is certainly one of the 'mares to know' in Canterlot. How do I know that? Mother drilled me on tons of bios, said I should know the ponies I'm going to have to fraternize with. They're much easier to remember than the rules...bios only update, not change. “Yes...Rarity...” Why does she look so sad all of a sudden? “...You still live with my granddaughter, correct?” she asked. “Of course! We live together!” “...Can you please tell her I miss her?...I just want to know why she's avoiding me. I know I might have been...off in how I raised her and Applebloom. I made mistakes, and I want to live up to them.” “Certainly, Mrs. Smith, I'll make sure to do just that!” “Thank you...” Huh? She didn't even notice my dress! Well, I never! I've known her since I was a filly! Not to mention that fancy dress of her's didn't have one ounce of green on it! I mean really-OW! Warn somepony before you turn the speakers up that loud! At least plenty eyes are still on me, even if Mrs. Smith can't see good taste when she sees it. This dress is fabulous! Oh, and there's Sassy Saddles! Who is that? Why only one of the most innovative mares in Canterlot fashion, and has extended into many other pursuits. I believe she's currently trying her hoof at art, doing well. She's one of those ponies who's always trying something new, always innovating. It's why she's so successful. Oh, I simply must talk to her! “Rarity Belle, is that you?” Huh? “Oh, hello there,” I replied, doing my best to hide my annoyance, I have fraternizing to do! But a lady must always be polite...unless somepony else is rude. Or hitting on her. Or unless they're very handsome. “Don't you remember me? Suri Polomare?” the pink mare asked. Suri...oh! “Oh yes, I remember you! You used to live in Ponyville, right?” Suri Polomare was an old acquaintance of mine who used to visit Canterlot all the time. She previously lived in Ponyville, harsh place to be if I recall. She and I always got along so well. We both got that a lady needed to have all eyes on them, and that friends reflected you, but you must always remain in the spotlight. You could say we were 'friendly rivals' so to speak. We both loved fashion though she was always a bit more...mainstream than I was. “How have you been, Suri? It's been years, darling!” Suri gave a small smile. “Because I moved to Manehatten to make it in the big city, sorry I didn't tell you.” “Oh, I'm certain you must be doing well then! Mares like us would be perfect for the dog eat dog city, a lady must take the spotlight no matter what it takes!” To think, an old acquaintance of mine big in Canterlot! Huh? Why does she look sad? “...Oh...Well...” “Oh, you're not doing well?” Drat! “Oh, no I'm doing fantastic. It's just...well; I was hoping you'd grown out of that nonsense.” I blinked in confusion. “Wait, what?” She rubbed her head. “Since Luna turned bad, Manehatten stopped being so dog eat dog and more 'try to stop being eaten by the evil Princesses.' Being all about yourself doesn't get you ahead when everypony else is looking for team players just to survive, m'kay? Being selfish isn't exactly seen as lady-like anymore you know.” “...I...I...” “Rarity? Are you okay?” “I'm...I'm okay...I'm fine...” The rules... the rules say you have to focus on getting all eyes on you...how...she knew the rules...but...if the rules change...ugh! My head hurts! Suri rushed to my side. “Rarity, you don't look so good, maybe you should lay down.” I...it...it doesn't make sense. The rules...The rules can change, yes, but that one never has! Suri GOT me! She knew that rule! She knows how it works! She knows standing out and having all eyes on you was the one rule...the one rule that ALWAYS makes sense! How can it just suddenly change?! “It...Well, Luna's back on our side, that means things should go back to normal, right?” Suri frowned. “Rarity...no, it won't...and it shouldn't.” “Yes, it should.” I snapped back from her. Stop confusing me! “That rule is the only one that's clear cut! The only one that always made sense! How can you just tell me it doesn't anymore?!” “Rarity, you're making a scene, calm down!” Good! At least now all eyes are on me again! No, bad! Because we're not supposed to do that anymore! No, yes, no, yes! Make it stop! I spent years figuring out the rules, why do they keep changing?! That one is not supposed to change! Huh? Why'd the lights go out?! What's in my mane?! Duchess Chrysalis did something to take care of those nasty bugs...Suri...I lost her... Somepony must have lied to her. Yes, that's it. They must have. How else would she think that rule no longer applies? Lies! A lady must always draw eyes to herself. A lady must always stand out. A lady must always have the spotlight. That rule can't change. It is set in stone, like the law of gravity. Poor Suri, who lied to you? Pity. I am not twitchy, why would I be twitchy? I...I need to focus my mind on other things! Stress can cause early aging! Ah, here's a perfect example of why rules are important! This ice sculpture is on a blue tablecloth! That's too much blue in one place, especially in summer! I'll just correct this for them! There we go! Out the window! Oh, and these plates are white! What, were they going for a winter theme?! Huh? The guards?! Let go of me! I'm just enforcing the rules! That's all! I need to do this! Please!...Please! I was just trying to let the world go back to feeling normal! Is that too much to ask?! “Excuse me, sirs...” “May we ask what's going on here?” Huh? The Flim Flam Brothers? “This mare was vandalizing the party, your honors,” said the guard rather rudely restraining me. “I was not vandalizing! I was fixing it! There was far too much blue! It broke the rules!” Flim and Flam looked to one another. “...Dear, what are these rules you speak of?” Flam questioned. “The rules of fashion of course! Too much of one color is bad! It's just common knowledge...” Flim rubbed his chin and had a brief word with his brother. I couldn't hear much, but I believe I heard them mention Starlight, Gilda, and Sir Discord and perhaps... Fluttershy? Why would they be talking about her? She's not even here! After a bit, they finally turned back to me. “Guards, can you please direct the lady to our table? Under watch, of course.” “Fantastic idea, brother of mine,” replied Flam. “I am in agreement.” Wait, what just happened? “So, Miss Belle, please tell us...” Flim started. “What exactly do these rules mean?” Flam continued. “The ones you view as good enough to cause to...'redecorate' a party?” The two of them were such gentestallions, so of course I explained! Right down to how Suri broke THE rule. The Flim Flam Brothers? Why they're the Chief Judges for the entire kingdom, renown for their fairness above all else. Certainly they'll see that somepony clearly lied to poor Suri. “Miss Belle, just to ask, your believe these rules your parents taught you are completely genuine, correct?” Flam questioned politely. “Why of course, isn't it a rule a child is always supposed to believe what their parents tell them without question?” I replied. Of course, I do, why wouldn't I. Flim rubbed his chin. “Yes, that is true I suppose...and you've never considered any of these rules mutually contradictory?” “Well I used to think they were, but I've figured them out.” The two looked to one another, and Flam whispered something in his brother's ear, getting a nod. “Miss Belle, perhaps are you aware of a concept called 'extenuating circumstances?'” Flim questioned. Let me thing. Hmm... “No, I don't believe so.” He gives a polite smile. “Well you see, Miss Belle, it's quite the simple concept. Let's say that a certain pony beats another pony up. Under the law, that is quite clearly an illegal act, do you agree?” “I believe so,” was my response. It was simple logic. Applejack had mentioned getting arrested that way on some occasions, but normally never succeeds. Flam gave a smile of his own. “But let us say in this particular situation, the pony who got beat up broke into the first pony's home with the intent to rob it. And ended up in a confrontation with the first pony who owns the home. Resulting in them being beaten up?” he questioned. “By law, it is illegal to beat up another pony. But in the context, the extenuating circumstances change it from assault to self-defense, meaning the pony who broke into the home in the first place is at fault. Does that make sense, Miss Belle?” “I...believe so...” I believe Applejack frequently reminds Rainbow Dash she's capable of such more often than not. “Alright then, let's apply this same idea to some of your rules, specifically the one that brought you to our attention this fine day,” Flim continued, motioning to the table. “Now, you said there was an over-saturation of the color blue, correct? That is why you did it?” I gave a nod. “Yes, especially for summer! Blue is a winter color. The white didn't help.” “That rule is true,” Flam replied. Why did I feel like I was playing a chess game? “But what is your opinion on them being a water themed color?” I put a hoof to my chin. Hmm...Water... “Yes...I believe so...” “And therein lies the extenuating circumstances,” Flim replied, holding up a hoof. “This party is to celebrate the return of regular rain and futility to Equestria. There is a table on the other side of the party with more greens and pinks. So by your logic, the thematic connection between blue and water makes that rule valid. As does the connection between the white of the plates and the clouds.” I couldn't speak. My words just died in my throat...I cannot be wrong...but...the rules... “I...I suppose that's logical...but...the rules...how can...” “Miss Rarity, there is a rather simple solution to that conflict,” Flim continued, putting a hoof on my shoulder. He's touching me... “The rule of blue being a winter color is true in some cases, but in other cases the extenuating circumstances mean the rule of blue being a water themed color overrules and takes precedence over the previous rule. The rules are not in conflict, merely one applies here while the other does not.” “That...that can happen?!” I mean...yes, I've gotten confused on the rules before, by I didn't need to be? Why do they look disturbed for a moment? “Indeed, it can, and often does,” Flam replied. “You merely need to think through them wisely. And as for rules like the one you believe Suri violated...are you aware of the concept of an 'amendment?'” “I may have heard of them in newspapers...” I muttered, feeling a bit dizzy. I was out of my element...maybe that's why I felt right listening to them. “An amendment is an additional clause added later to an existing rule,” Flim replied simply. “For example, do you recall how the legal age to vote for elected officials used to be twenty-one?” “...Yes...I believe so, I think Twilight explained the concept once...” Flam nodded. “Changing that age was an example of an amendment to the law. Rules can be revoked, yes, but they can also be changed to become fairer or to address a previous error made in making the rule.” Rules...can change? Flim cleared his throat. “Suri states that Manehatten is no longer dog-eat-dog, which is indeed the case. But that doesn't necessary mean your rule that a lady should always try and be in the spotlight is wrong...merely, outdated and in need of an amendment, so how about this one?” He took a piece of paper in his telekinesis and wrote things down. “A lady should always try and be in the spotlight when it is a matter of social status rather than survival, be it themselves or others.” I...just set there staring. “I...” “That way your rule of a lady being respected and honored remains intact, but the new circumstances surrounding it are addressed and acknowledged,” Flam continued. “There is no contradiction because now the rule remains valid, just evolved.” When...when mother and father always tried to explain things...they drilled them into me...they drilled the rules into me...but they were both being such gentlestallions to me... “...Why...why are you trying to be so kind to me? I did something against the law...” Both gave a chuckle. “Because, Miss Belle, it is our job to hear all the circumstances of a given case. Now, normally we'd let a defense attorney do that. But in this case hearing it from the horse's mouth was a valid option. And it'd likely have fallen upon a local court anyway, so we were within our rights to do so,” Flim explained with a friendly smile. “And besides, is it not the rules that a gentlestallion treat a lady kindly?” Flam continued. I blushed a little bit...I...given the situation...I think the red is appropriate. “I...that is correct.” “But be that as it may, it is a judge's duty to give sentence...” Flam replied. “Given the extenuating circumstances and that we can ask such a settlement of Princess Trixie and Duchess Chrysalis, how does this sound: a reasonable fine for the damages and community service? After all, no pony was hurt, and the damage was minimal all things considered. Prison time does not seem particularly fair, particularly considering your confusion that influenced your actions.” Flim held up a hoof. “In addition to some time with Miss Do the Wise, you seem as though you'd benefit from a little chat with her to sort out any lingering confusion...” Ditzy Do the Wise?! I...she's the wisest mare in the entire kingdom! I... “I...I feel that is fair...I...I have a lot to think about I suppose...” “Very good, Miss Belle,” Flam replied, offering me his hoof. I shook it. “Now, how about we talk to Duchess Chrysalis and Princess Trixie about these terms? After all, Princess Trixie is currently acting ruler and Duchess Chrysalis her regent while she becomes accumulated for the role?” Princess Trixie?! Duchess Chrysalis?! EEEEEEEEE! I can't wait to meet them! Wait, what's Twilight doing with her locket over there? Is it supposed to be glowing like that?
