I blamed myself. After all I was right there. I was in the same room, I was in the same house. I was barely ten feet away from her. The others tell me it wasn't my fault, your a baby they say. Well I'm a dragon, I'm suppose to be strong, fearless, powerful, but I can't even save the pony closest to me.
Princess Celestia says that even if I had been awake, they might have killed me, or taken me too. She says that would have been worse. I don't think so. Because then she would have someone else.
***
I haven't been in town for days, I can't face them. The memories of Her.
Today Fluttershy came to visit
"Um, Spike? I uh thought I'd check up on you, we're all really worried. You've been sitting ere, curled up for days. So uh I was wondering if you'd like to come over and maybe have some tea? With me that is. Um, if you want to."
I barely looked at her.
"No thanks Fluttershy, I'm not feeling up to it."
"Oh, um ok."
She left, I don't know if I'm happy or sad about it. I don't feel much anymore anyway.
***
Dash came for a vist, I can talk to her, she blames herself too. It's not her fault though, she wasn't even in the same house. I told her that, but what she said to me make some sense.
"Spike I'm supposed to be loyalty. For along time, I didn't know what that meant. Loyalty to my friends, my family, Equestria? I didn't know. But after this, I know. To be loyalty, is to be there. To be by their side, to help them, to protect them. And I failed. I will never fail again."
She joined the royal guard. She said it was to be strong enough to protect her friends.
***
I found some books on dragon magic today, It looks like She found them and set them aside to show to me. I'll read them later.
***
I saw Pinkie bounce by the window to day. I can't stand Pinkie anymore. She didn't seem fazed, I yelled at her. The others had to stop me, she said that she knew Twilight was fine.
I don't believe her, I think its her way of dealing with the guilt.
I think I hate her.
But I know I don't, I wish I had her faith.
I wish I could believe Twilight was fine.
***
I haven't read those books yet, I think I will soon.
***
AppleJack and Rarity forced me out of the library today. They said it wasn't good to be coped up in there.
I thought it was fine.
We walked through town, everypony seemed sad. A lot said hello to me.
I felt nice to talk to someponies, I guess.
***
After walking with Rarity through town I realized something, I don't love her anymore.
I don't know why I did.
Why did she lead me on like that?
I don't understand anything anymore.
***
I still haven't touched those books. I don't understand what I'm feeling. I don't know who I am anymore.
***
The other keep coming to see me, I don't understand why. I just want to be alone."
***
The Princess stopped by for a visit, It seems the others got worried abut me not leaving unless they made me. She seemed sad too, but I saw through her.
"Spike please, you can't just sit here. Your friends are worried, I'm worried, I know you blame yourself but this can't go on."
I stared her, "Why not?"
"Because your friends ar-"
I screamed at her, "WRONG CELESTIA, THEIR NOT MY FRIENDS. THEIR HER FRIENDS. THE ONLY REASON THEY COME AND THE ONLY REASON YOUR HERE IS BECAUSE THATS WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED!"
She looked at me with a sad look in her eyes, I hate her, "Is that want you really believe?"
"Of course, who would come to see a dragon who can't even save his own mother?"
The words where out of my mouth before I had even realized what I said.
"Oh Spike." That was all she could say, she hugged me with her wings.
I couldn't stop myself. I sobbed. I couldn't save my mother. Why couldn't I save her? Was I to weak? I don't understand.
***
I think I know fully understand what Dash said to me, I thought I did before. But I didn't. I need to be strong, to protect those close to me. At any cost.
I've started reading those books.
I refuse to be weak.
I've got an aptitude for dragon magic it seems.
I've had some growth spurts.
I talked to Shining about joining the Royal Guard, like Dash.
I called him Uncle, he cried. And he hugged me.
I'm happy to have him.
I'll find you mom, I promise.
***The young dragon, crippled by loss.
found his center,
and became a fearsome foe.
In the ever growing war that started with one word.
And lead him to see her again
Loyalty, for a long time I had no idea what my element meant. Loyalty to my friends? My family? Equestria? I couldn't figure it out. My friends all seemed to know and embody their elements. And I just didn't.
Fluttershy is kindness no doubt about that one, I've know her long enough for that one. All Pinkie seems to do is laugh. Rarity would give anything to help us, or anyone for that matter. Twilight was magic itself I never told her, but watching her do magic, was awesome. It was different than other unicorn's magic, hers was just better. As for AppleJack, I have no idea. I think she has the same problem as me.
And I never bothered to find out.
Not until she was gone.
How was I so stupid?
The moment we realized she was gone, I just knew.
I had failed.
The invincible Rainbow Dash had failed.
I blamed myself, Spike did too. I think he has it worse. He was mumbling about benign in the same room, and not being able to do anything.
***
I taked to Spike, while talking to him I realized something. I need to be stronger. I need to be able to protect my friends, at any cost.
***
I'm joining the Royal Guard, I need to learn how to fight. For them, for Twi.
***
I leave for basic in a few days. The girls aren't really happy with it. Only Pinke was really.
"Rainbow I know you blame yourself but sugarcube you don't need to join the Guard to show that your strong."
That's not why AppleJack
"Uh Rainbow I um think that might be a bad idea, I don't want anyone else to leave town. I uh really don't want you to leave, if your alright with that."
I'm sorry 'Shy
"Rainbow, Darling, what about your career in the Wonderbolts? You can't join them if you join the Royal Guard!"
They don't matter anymore Rares.
"Girls just stop." The three of them quieted down when I spoke.
"Aj, I'm not joining to prove I'm strong. 'Shy I'm sorry but I need to do this. And Rares? The Wonderbolts don't matter anymore."
They looked at me in shock.
"Who are you and what have you done with Rainbow Dash?" Ha, looks like I shocked Rares pretty bad.
"Girls I'm joining because I need to be strong and smarter, to be able to protect you girls. And I think if Twi was here, she'd let me go."
I held my breath.
"Go get um Sugarcube."
I love my friends.
I can barely cope with losing one, I can't lose another.
***The Loyal Rainbow, ever bright soared through the ranks.
And became an Equestrian Knight in record time.
A position that led her to her soulmate, who in turn
led her to her friend.
