RED

I sat at my desk, with my coworkers snickering behind me as I stared at my computer screen. "So...what did you do?" A pony in a pink collared shirt asked quietly.

I took a deep breath and looked into my collection jar. "I took her to bed and held her until the rain stopped." I ran my fingers through my hair. "She didn't stop crying until she passed out."

"Wow man." A unicorn in a black shirt laughed. "That's like...really, really gay." He started to snicker again. "I'm sorry, but you slept with a stallion dude."

The pink shirted stallion nodded. "You should have left. Should have left and put your cock in some bleach."

I looked at the jar again, then to the pile of papers sitting on my desk. "I know." I rubbed my face. "God damn it.... I don't know why I though I could help."

A heavy voice caught my attention. "Gentlemen, don't you have work to be doing?" A human in a dark suit walked over. He straightened out his tie and looked down at the jar. "Jamie, what's this?"

I scratched my head. "I don't know. Some mare I knew is having--"

The pony in the black shirt leaned into my cubicle. "Jamie slept with a tranny, and now he's trying to pay to ungay himself."

I rubbed my face and leaned against my desk. "HR is going go have a god damn fit you keep that--"

"Who cares...." The black shirted stallion shrugged. "Not like it matters. You'll get like fifteen bits and spend it on beer or something."

The pink shirted pony laughed quietly. "I'm really sorry, but at least you tried, right?"

Our boss looked down at my jar then turned it to himself. "Hmm. Well, Hearthwarming and Christmas are coming up." He pulled out a checkbook from his jacket and flipped it open. "Consider this your bonus Jamie."

I looked up at him. "You serious? Thanks Mark--"

"Monica works too." He ripped off the check and dropped it into my empty glass jar. "Oh...and Bolt, Saucer...your bonus are in that jar too." He smiled evilly. "How nice of you two to donate to a good cause. Makes me overlook all the nasty things I heard."

I looked at the check in the bottom of the jar. I flung myself back into my chair and looked towards my boss. "Oh no fucking way."

Our boss turned around at the bend of the hall. "Oh believe me, I know how expensive those treatments are." He patted the wall. "Oh...and Bolt...you call someone a faggot in my office I'll send you down to the guard barracks in a skirt, see how long you last." He nodded slowly and walked off.

I turned around to face the ponies who were laughing at me. The one in the pink shirt shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. "...Jamie...can you at least tell her I helped?"

I nodded at him. "Yeah man. Sure."

Bolt just stared off into space. I watched as a bit of blood ran from his nose. "Fucking balls man." He rubbed his sleeve against his nose. "Just, balls." He slipped off the corner of my cubicle and threw himself against the floor.

I looked back to the jar. "Jesus." I scratched my head. "God, I gotta buy him a fucking drink some time." I scratched my cheek and laughed. I stood up and looked around the cubicles. "Canterlot--"

A few ponies popped up from the sea of cubicles. "Royal-Guard! Hoo-ha!" A set of stomped echoed through the room.

"Awesome." I pulled the jar off my desk and went back to processing pay stubs for the guard. It seemed like Celestia was looking out for all her guards, even the ones behind the desks. I rubbed my face and tried to get rid of my grin.