Mad Shorts by a Madman

by Seratina

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1008

A series of fun nonsensical short stories starring the residents of ponyville.

My first attempt at writing any sort of fanfiction, written entirely on my phone and whole having been awake for 36 straight hours. Prepare for surprising, or just plain random things, to happen as Twilight rides Spike for hours and Pinkie Pie visits her cousins for lunch.

Uh Trigger? Not sure if what I wrote counts, but just in case: SEXUAL INNUENDO, STUPID PUNS.

Now go enjoy the madness of my insane mind.

Published 2015-03-05 20:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-05 20:20:02 UTC

Enjoy my brain's wastes.

The sun was shining brightly on a beautiful day, with a clear blue sky and a wonderful breeze. Birds tweeted in delight as they landed on a peculiar tree within a small town by the name of Ponyville. Within the tree, a tiny cutesy wootsy teen-aged dragon kneeled next to a prancing purple pony.

"Please! Don't make me your test subject again! Don't you remember what happened last time?"
"You worry too much Spike. Rarity only refused to talk to you for a week, that's less than half the last, last time you helped me! I'm only going to ride you for a few hours anyways."
"R-r-ride me? That doesn't mean what I think it means right?"
"Well if it gets you all hot and bothered, I'll just put more effort from my end, ok?"
"You're not giving me a choice are you?"
"Now you get it my slav-slick assistant. Let's get going! Grab me some water, so much pumping action always makes me thirsty. Let's meet downstairs where we have more room"

While Spike trudged to the kitchen to grab some canteens of water, Princess Twilight loomed one last time at her spell book "Humanicus Appariticus: Wonders from Beyond the Mirror volume XXIII" Still reading her book, Twilight grabbed a pillow and a checklist with her magic and bounced downstairs, ready to take Spike on the wildest ride of the century.

"Water? Check"
"Memorized spell? Check"
"Comfy pillow? Check"
"Spike braced with his hands and knees and floor? Check"
"Open door? Check"

Twilight threw her checklist into the fireplace and got ready to work some serious magic. As she started speaking the magical words, she and Spike were wrapped in a mystical purple glow of residual purple magic. Soon, Spike's eyes started moving to the side of his head and his body became thinner than his long, firm, throbbing tail. His limbs merged together into two pairs, one on the front, on the back. Spike's spikes grew tall and flat, and his fabulous ab flab pulled out into two pedals at his side. The Spike bike was almost ready.

Twilight put a pillow on the flat spike which functioned as a seat, so she wouldn't chaffe herself like the first time she tried this spell. She carefully sat on top of the pillow, and found her balance. After turning the Sbike towards the door, she started to pedal.

Soon they were out the door and flying down the street. The whole town looked on as the Princess pumped the machine with beautiful gyrating lower body appendage motions. As the sweat flew of her brow, the princess of Magic howled with exuberant abandon as she enjoyed the heat of motion between her body and Sbike. Without watching where her wheels were wandering to, her epic journey took her into the everfree forest, where she was never heard from again. To this day, people mourn the loss of their princess, and tell this story to the children who misbehave. And the moral of this story is to always make sure have a checklist of where you're going, or you may end up taken away by the monstrous wheeled machine that snatched their precious princess. The end.

Author's Note

You got this far? Congratulations on reading the worst story ever written. Even I think it's bad.

Butter Fingers

Author's Note

I need 1000 words to post this story, so enjoy more of my madness!
Try and count the number of times I said apple.

Butter Fingers

Pinkie Pie shut her journal and snapped her fingers, sending the book into the waiting hands of a certain Draconiqus. She then threw away her fingers up into the air and caught them in her hair, where she kept the horn hidden in the back of her head. Her magic allowed her to view years into the future. With her ability she always made sure to do the exact motions required to maintain the most positive future world, even if the others looked at her funny. Her one respite was the exchange journal that she kept with the only other being who shared her burden.

She sighed, then got ready to plaster on a big beaming smile on her face. She jumped out her window and landed on top of the Apple family farm. She poked her head through the window and chirped her salutations to the Apple family. As they welcomed their cousin to eat lunch with them, she made a fatal mistake. Her fingers dropped onto a wonderful yellow pat of batter.

"BUG!!!"

Pinkie could only watch in despair as her diners flew through the air and landed in the mouth of Winona, who instantly swallowed the wonderful treats.

"Good going Winona! That'll teach them vermin to mess with Apple family Applebutter... Oh my Celestia Pinkie! Why are you crying?"

Pinkie only sobbed harder in response as her fingers were forever lost into the maw of the Apple family pet. As Applejack comforted her inconsolable friend, she wondered what kind of criminal would try to steal her grade A hand churned Apple family Applebutter. Every other bug has signed a pact to only eat Apples in the Apple family graveyard since the founding of Ponyville.

Suddenly, Winona coughed, and out came ten very lively fingers, who had dodged being immortalized as part of the Apple family pet dog breath by a hair's breath. Screaming in excitement, Pinkie snatched her prize and ran away from the small cottage faster than Applejack could say.

"WINONA THAT IS DISGUSTING!"

Pinkie ran so fast she didn't see where she was going and she ran straight into the everfree forest and was never heard from again. The moral of this story is that haste makes waste. The end.

Twilight stared wide eyed as Discord if finished reading his story. Then Discord told me he wanted to break the fourth wall and say bye to the reader.

"Bye"
"Just to help this poor author who just needs one thousand words"