The Things She Remembered
The Things She Remembered
by AdmiralCubie
She still remembered it- the fear, the hope, the pain when she found out that he was gone. She remembered not understanding what was going on, that the yelling nurses scared her, and that he wasn't there to hold her.
Eventually, when it was all over, her mommy tried to explain through teary eyes what had happened- but she didn’t understand.
“Where's daddy?”
She remembered giving her mother a questioning look and stretching out her hooves for a hug.
Her mother's silence was enough to tell her that her daddy would not come back, and then they held each other and cried together.
Eventually, when she was a little older and just learning how to add her numbers, she would come home to a house full of doctors, and learn to subtract.
She remembered the day, how the sun high in the sky was blocked out by the enchanted air balloon of a Cloudsdale funeral. She remembered watching it float away, taking her mommy up to the heavens where she could live with daddy forever in the endless display of stars and comets.
She remembered sadly trotting home that night, and then being stopped and told she no longer had a home.
She remembered screaming and kicking and trying to get away, and she remembered the unwavering apathy of the stallions as they took her to a school for fillies. A school where she would learn about sewing and etiquette and live out the rest of her foalhood.
She remembered the day that she was sent to flight camp. "You’re going there to make friends" her instructors had told her, when in reality, she knew that they couldn't care less.
She remembered the bullies and their callous remarks. She remembered the days spent hiding in fear and the days she didn’t, spending them in pain instead. She remembered the colts and their joking cruelty, and the filly and her courageous loyalty. She remembered the race, her fall from the clouds. And she remembered how nopony cared- for nopony missed her.
She remembered her cottage, set near the woods where her animal friends could visit. She remembered her adventures and the friends she finally found. She remembered when together, they freed the moon and resolved chaos. She remembered their love and their kindness- their faces and their treasured their words. The calming, loving words that made her a better pony- the pony that she was now.
She remembered her coltfriend, an apple among lemons. How she cherished his loving touch and his caring words. She remembered his soft voice and his hard conviction.
She remembered the hoofband and the proposal. She remembered her joy and how it was unsurpassed by any other. She remembered their excitement and their eager anticipation.
And she remembered how their union was not to be.
She remembered the lights, and the nurses. And She remembered the news. How they told her that her life was nearing its end- that her heart was dying. She remembered the coming surgery and the tears it entailed, she remembered asking him if everything would be alright, and she remembered his silence- how he couldn't meet her eyes. She remembered the pain she felt as he left, because she didn't know even as she was sedated, he was going into his own surgery- a surgery to give her the heart she had stolen long ago.
She remembered the tears and the begging, the pleading to return the life he gave. She remembered her refusal to believe, even as he was lowered into his beloved earth, that he could be gone. She remembered the seed that was planted as his grave was filled in. She remembered the care that she gave it and the tree it grew into, and she remembered her long evenings spent beneath its branches- his branches.
She remembered the prodding, the gentle persuasion of her friends. She remembered their sympathy for her plight but their caring enough to put an end to her moping.
She remembered the parties and the dances, she remembered the colts she met and the ones she couldn't. She remembered the joy she felt but the reservedness it retained- for her joy was for him, always for him.
She remembered the hospital, the first hospital in her life that didn’t take. She remembered her dedication to him as she hoofbuilt it, raised it, and dedicated it to him.
She remembered the animals that came and the ones that couldn't and the same endearing love that they all received. She remembered the other stallion, his love for animals and his mission to serve others. She remembered her self denial when she realized she loved him, and then the joyful acceptance when she realized that her first love would approve.
She remembered their shared evenings, their shared lives. She remembered the second proposal. The golden hoofband of such sentiment and the love it was imbued with by him. She remembered how he proposed beneath the tree, and she remembered how with joyful tears she accepted both the offer, and the loss of her first lover long gone.
She remembered their marriage and their vows. She remembered the love, the joy and the hope.
She remembered the wanting, the needing- the extra love that they had to give.
She remembered the child, the eleven months of trial for a life of joy. She remembered their filly growing up, and how they were always proud of her- for they had much reason to be so. She remembered the loving guidance she gave and the sometimes painful rebuttal she received.
She remembered the day her filly left the house, a mare in the eyes of the world- but always a filly in the sight of her mother. She remembered missing her, for she was her filly- the foal that she had brought forth so many years ago. She remembered the lonely days she endured and the hopeless feeling of each. For though she loved her husband, (and she did very much), he could not entirely fill in the gap that she felt was left in their family. However, she remembered the comfort he gave -comfort that she readily accepted- and the peace that finally, after time, she was able to feel.
She knew that some things were inevitable, and she realized that holding on to these things would only ever bring pain. Then she learned to always see the good in these things instead. For her filly, though very much missed, would only bring that much more joy back into her mothers life when she returned- and she did. Her filly remembered the good that had parents had done for her and she visited frequently. Until, one day, she met a colt of her own. A colt that she grew to love very much, for he was always kind, and always upheld the guides that her parents and herself had placed on her life.
She remembered being unsure of this new addition to her filly’s life. Even wary of him. For though he was strong- and a good colt at heart, she couldn’t help but feel that he was taking her filly away from her. Finally though, as she had learned before, she accepted the inevitable and was simply happy because her filly was happy, for her filly’s happiness meant more to her than anything else ever could.
She remembered the marriage and the ecstatic grin of her filly as she stood at the altar, making the same vows her parents had long ago. She remembered her filly's searching eyes, seeking out her parents final, reaffirming sign of approval. She remembered meeting her filly's eyes, and through a loving stare, giving her the consent that was sought.
She remembered her filly's "I do" and the undeniable surge of love and pride she felt.
She remembered the days she spent with just him, and the days she spent with just them. The days when her filly and son-in-law came back to visit. She remembered their joking and the laughter, as well as the tears and fears of the young couple trying to find their place. Then she remembered the news. The news that her filly would finally be starting a family of her own. A family that she knew her filly would treat well.
She remembered her first grandfoal, the anxious excitement and inevitable acceptance of age that it brang. And she remembered her incomprehensible love for him- a love as great and as powerful as the love she felt for her own filly.
And in the shadow of her great joy, she remembered the sickness and the disease- how it took her husband. She remembered her pain and grief as yet another pony moved on to where she could not. She remembered crying over his body. And then crying more. She remembered the closing coffin, how she couldn't bear it, and how she closed her eyes and nearly snapped with the resounding click of the lids lock. She remembered her crying, and her filly’s crying, and her grandfoal crying. For though the young foal could not understand what had just happened, his mother was crying- and that was enough. She remembered her loved ones tries at comfort and how she so blatantly ignored them. She remembered laying there on the ground, long after the completion of the ceremony and deep into the nights descent into darkness. She remembered as they left her, at first trying to take her home, but then giving up and simply watching her with pitying stares. She remembered how she didn’t care, and how eventually, even her own filly had to leave her to care for the foal. She remembered waking in the morning and slowly, wearily, trotting back to her cottage. How her old bones ached in protest after the hard night outside.
She remembered helping others, trying to lose herself in service so she couldn't lose herself in misery. She remembered the kindness she was shown and the love that she gave back, until at last, her life was nearing its end.
She remembered the news, a final gift to her dying body. She remembered hearing of her newlywed grandfillys leap into motherhood, and she remembered asking to see her great-grandcolt.
She remembered how he was brought to her by his mother, handled like a fragile gem. She remembered holding him in shaky hooves, his newborn form held in stark contrast to her own dying body. And then she remembered telling...
She remembered cradling him and telling him of the wondrous things that he had in store for him. She told the stories -the ones that she had lived and the ones that her filly had been taught, for they were stories that her great-grandcolt needed to hear. They were stories of love and friendship, of new friends made and old friends gone. She told him of the lessons they learned, and of the letters they sent.
Then she told him of the things he would need. Things that he would acquire through life, and things that through acquiring, would make life worth living.
She told him of Honesty and the strength it took to bear. How even when the truth was harsh, it would in the end, be his greatest tool against the lies of the world.
She told him of Loyalty and the fear he must conquer to possess it. How even when the greatest of evils turned against him, the Loyalty shown to his friends would be returned to keep him strong.
She told him of Generosity and the selflessness he must have to provide it. How if he gave his all to his friends, when he needed it they would give their all back, and in the end, this combination was infinitely greater than his initial sacrifice.
She told him of Laughter, and of the openness he must have to procure it. How when the fears and doubts of the world oppressed him, he’d need only Laughter to find joy.
She told him of Kindness and the trust he would need to show it. How when he was exposed to the world's cruelty, those to whom he showed Kindness would be the first to back him up.
And then she told him of the Magic of Friendship. How when ponies banded together -each bearing the aspects described before- they would be more powerful then they could possibly imagine. And how by upholding their values, their virtues, and each other, nothing could stand against them.
Then she told him of love. For love, though not numbered among the virtues of friendship, would be just as important in his life. She told him that in order to be loved, he must first show it. For love was like the Generosity she had described before- It was a gift that you received by giving. Then she told him of the different types of love; the love he would feel towards his parents as he grew up, and the selfish love that he must never succumb to, a love that was not real love- but an insatiable lust that all ponies had- a natural urge that he must learn to overcome. Then she told him of true love, a love much greater than those previously mentioned. She told him true love was not something that came naturally, it was something that you had to fight for. Something that he could never give up on. She told him that it was this last, third kind of love that would bring him to both the peaks of happiness and the depths of despair. Then she assured him that in the end, no matter how hard it was to go on, this love was a love worth fighting for.
And then she gave him back to his smiling mother, her precious grandfilly. Then, with the telling behind her, she gave a smile, a sigh, and finally looked upon those she loved so much, and dreamt.
She dreamt of -and for- those she was leaving behind. She knew that life would be tough, and that they each had many trials ahead of them, but she knew that if they shared their love, they could stay strong.
Then she left her dreams of the past behind, and dreamt to her future.
She dreamt of her parents, of their love and their sacrifice. She dreamt of her two stallions, of their loyalty and their kindness. And she dreamt that they beckoned her to join them.
And she did.
And as she held them in her hooves, and they held her in theirs, she wept. Not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy; for she knew that they would never leave her again. And someday, when those whom she had left had done their remembering, she knew that they would join her in this bliss, this place beyond pain and beyond life. She knew that they would feel the love -for only love could exist here- and that they would know that they had earned it. Yes there had been mistakes and they had fallen short at times, but when they fell they did not give up. They climbed back up, lifted by those whom they loved. And she knew that those who loved you would never let you down, and that made the pain of living life worth it.
And only then, when she had discovered this great truth and understood the true power of love, was she able to come to terms with,
The Things She Remembered.
Authors Note: Hey! Thanks for reading this! I’m sure that by this point you’re sick of remembering things, but I thought I’d put this up anyway. This has an ...interesting... style of writing that I’ve not seen before (I realize that I probably haven’t seen it before for a reason, but... XD), but thought was worth a try. Keep in mind that I DID write this at 4 in the morning, so even though it went through heavy revision there are bound to be some things wrong with it and it is VERY melodramatic. XD Please feel free to comment where I post this or email me at: AdmiralCubie@Yahoo.com
Thanks!
-AdmiralCubie
