Fox in the Hen Houseby StephanorhinusChapters1. Sunshine and Strangers3. The Picnic4. Nothing to see here5. Unfair Trade2 Torn1. Sunshine and StrangersThe sun beat down on Ponyville, creating rainbow heat ripples in the middle distance. At her cottage in the woods, Fluttershy had her hands full. The menagerie all had different needs. The pigs needed sun cream and wouldn't stop wriggling long enough to receive an even coating. The birds were panting in whatever shade they could find. The lizards hopped with a mixture of delight and pad pain in the energising warmth. Fluttershy smiled happily to herself despite the hard work. It was a labour of love and she wouldn't give up her animals for anything. She was so carried away that she hadn't noticed the shadow fall behind her. The figure watched Fluttershy for a long time, then took in all the animals with a slow stare. He reached out and gently placed a raspberry and a cube of fat on the ground behind Fluttershy, before slinking back out of sight. The rabbits and the crows didn't need telling twice: they were on the limited treat supply like a shot: victorious rabbit chewing furiously, his red-stained lips chatting away to themselves. The triumphant crow flapped lazily up to the weathervane with his prize while the others sulked and plotted his demise. Within moments, the juicy morsels were gone and Fluttershy was too concerned with the commotion in front of her to pay any heed to the one behind. In fact the first she knew of her unexpected company was the loud snort by her left ear, accompanied by the furious clamour of wings to her right. She turned to see a dappled grey stallion standing fetlock-deep in shrews, moles, hedgehogs and rabbits - with a flock of corvids orbiting his back. "Goodness! They do this all the time, wherever I go. I can't tell you how... Good this feels," the stranger's brilliantine smile drew attention away from the nerve twitching by his eye as one of the more persistent crows landed on his back and tugged his mane to try and dispense more treats. "They never normally react like this to strangers," Fluttershy smiled sheepishly. "Perhaps that's because I'm not a stranger, at least not any more. I'm Hengst, pleased to meet you," he reared up, puffing out his chest and trying not to wince as the crow scrabbled to keep a purchase on his steeply-inclined back. Fluttershy looked down, uncertain what to say. This stallion seemed so full of confidence, he was the epitome of everything she wasn't. He didn't deserve to be stuck with her - better he find a confident mare like Rarity to talk to. They'd know what to do. She liked how fond the animals were of him - that had to mean something, right? she became acutely aware that she hadn't said anything for what felt like hours. He was smiling! Of all the nerve! Why didn't he mind that she was being such a plank? "Excuse me, Miss..." "Fluttershy!" She blurted out. The lights of recognition went on in Hengst's eyes. "Oh you're Fluttershy! I was told you were pretty but I had no idea," he said. Fluttershy scuffed the earth awkwardly with her hoof, overturning a family of woodlice. "Sorry!" She said, patting the soil back around them. "No need to apologise," Hengst grinned. "What? Oh..." In the moment, Fluttershy had forgotten he was there and wasn't about to make a bigger fool of herself by admitting it. "Listen, I'm going to stop by tomorrow with a picnic basket. You wouldn't leave a new friend to dine alone, would you?" "Um... No?" She flushed crimson with humiliation, "I have to go," she galloped headlong back into the cottage with her entourage of woodland critters. Hengst looked at the crow sitting between his shoulder blades. "You understand me, don't you?" The crow cocked his head and nodded. "Good. The treats are our little secret, got it? Keep it a secret and you'll get many more. Breathe a word of it and you'll never get another treat ever again." The crow sized Hengst up critically, then nodded. "The rabbit won't tell either - right?" The threat was in the inflection. The crow shrugged and flapped off in the direction of the cottage. Hengst watched it go, a sneer of disdain on his face. A bright yellow pair of eyes watched the dappled grey stallion trot off. The trembling crimson pupils took in the woodland stranger. A click of fingers echoed through the trees and somewhere else in the woods a parrot started shrieking from the wrong end. Author's Note My first attempt at a FiM story. Constructive brutality welcome. 3. The PicnicRarity's day seldom started with handsome strangers at the door of her shop. Today was clearly going to be the exception. Rarity checked herself in one of the many mirrors and flung the door open with dramatic flair. "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique! How can I help you?" rarity fluttered her eyelashes. "Good morning, I wonder if you would be so kind, as to help me out of a bit of a bind," Hengst flashed his teeth at her. She reacted instinctively. Somewhere up in the rafters, an unusually asymmetrical clothes moth cringed at the rhyme. "Well, say no more! What can I do for you?" "I am attending a rather important meeting and I require a suit intended to impress. Does that sound like something you can do? For me?" Hengst's patter was flawless. "Can I do that? Can I do that? Why, that's what I do!" Rarity preened. "I will put together some designs for you and you can choose the one that suits you best. How soon do you need it?" Hengst leaned close, "This morning preferably." "This... morning?!" Rarity's eyes widened. She turned on her heels and flicked her mane back. Threaded needles rose from out of a haberdashery cabinet like charmed snakes and a Hengst-sized tailor's dummy shunted itself across the floor towards her. "But there's so much to do and... There's no time to lose - SPIKE!" Spike scurried into the room, eyes crusted with sleep dust. He rolled up invisible sleeves and dove headlong into the gem chest. The irate little clothes moth took his cue to sneak out the door before things really started flying. "Do we want flawless; flawed but affordable; or food grade?" Rarity cast her eyes over Hengst, who smiled bashfully. "I think a physique this majestic calls for our very finest gems. Spike rolled his eyes. This dappled doofus had the same cheesy grin as Trenderhoof. Rarity clearly had a type. He looked at himself in the mirror and practiced his own exaggerated grin until his cheeks ached. "Fpikey-wikey!" Rarity mumbled with taut cotton between her teeth, "how are we doing with those gems?" Oh, right! He rushed over, arms laden with the brightest stones he could find. They rose into a semi-precious tornado and began affixing themselves to the dark blue satin of the tunic taking shape on the dummy. "Splendid, just a couple of adjustments and..." The needles swarmed down the belly of the garment, leaving a double-breasted brocade pattern in their wake, "voila! The finest outfit in the land for your very special meeting," Rarity announced as the tunic whizzed off the model and onto Hengst. "My my, this is most grand indeed!" He exclaimed as he trotted round in circles admiring himself. "I am forever in your debt. How much do I owe you?" Rarity did some quick calculations: fabric cost, Five bits; gems, an hour of Spike's and her time... "Four bits please," she said, leaning in. "Oh dear, don't I feel silly. I only have two bits on me, you see? I don't suppose you could do me a massive favour?" He cupped her chin in his hoof and gazed into her eyes, "For me!" There was that grin again. Rarity's eyelids fluttered in time to her racing heart. "Well, seeing as it's you, alright. Two bits." "Thank you! Thank you!" Hengst kissed her on the nose and passed her the coins. "It's true what people say about you, you know, you are so generous. Good job, really. You need something to compensate for those rather obvious physical deformities!" Hengst was positively capering around the room with delight. "My rather obvious WHAT?!" Rarity was set to blow a gasket, though it was Spike who had actual steam coming from his ears. In rooms full of mirrors it's a good job looks can't kill or Spike's might have ricocheted and killed them all. Rarity's bawling erupted, sending flocks of nearby birds up into the air. The finely dressed stallion cantered out, still whinnying with glee. The last thing he heard as he departed was a barely intelligible wail of "I sold my heart for the price of a cherry Spikey-poo!!!" Fluttershy was counting stag beetles when Hengst came trotting around the corner with the picnic basket in his teeth. The trees rustled as he went. Fluttershy admired the new outfit. Looks like a Rarity original, she thought. Rarity is one of my best friends, if she likes him, he must be alright. "Hello Hengst," she put on her brave, unintentionally stressed face. "Good morning. Shall we?" They strolled down the road together, Fluttershy chatting about all the nature they passed along the way. Hengst constantly steering the conversation back to questions about her. They finally arrived at a secluded little spot by a brook. Hengst unfurled the plaid blanket and lay it down flat. Mostly flat. One side of the blanket was folded under itself. Hengst grunted and gave the blanket a flick. It resettled, the other side tucked under. Hengst frowned and tossed his mane, then tried again to lay the blanket out flat. Up in the treetops, a mismatched pair of arms rested casually on a branch. Discord was having the best time already. Who would have thought that such a small interference could have so much mileage? He let the big oaf try two more times. Fluttershy, seeing the stallion's frustration, leaned across and nuzzled the rumpled corner of the blanket perfectly flat. She thought she heard an uncontrollable cackle sound somewhere high above her. She looked up but could see nothing. Discord was giddy with emotion. Just as he was getting bored of his own game, that wonderful pegasus had given him an out that was more emasculating than anything he could have come up with in that moment. She did it unintentionally too! He looked down to see the stallion snorting grumpily as he pulled the sandwiches out of the basket. Time for phase two of Discord's plan. "Thank you for inviting me out, Hengst. Isn't it a lovely day?" "Perfect!" Had he snapped? It felt like he had. He softened his tone. "A most perfect day, I would say. Beautiful surroundings; even more stunning company." A micro-expression of baring teeth eased into an affable grin. Fluttershy smiled back as she picked up her sandwich. She stopped, pointing behind her. "Bees!" The swarm descended on the couple, whirling around the lunch, then settled all over Hengst's hooves - their proboscides lapping feverishly. "Well that was disappointing," Discord squeezed his beard thoughtfully. Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, hoping Hengst would provide an explanation. "Oh, did I not mention? The animals just love me." That smile again. Fluttershy didn't look terribly convinced. The bees started moving off drowsily. Meanwhile, Discord was trying to choose which misfortune to visit upon the picnic next. Clearly anything to do with the local wildlife was going to be a swing and a miss with this guy. "Pelt them with owl pellets? Too soon... Turn the brook into overflowing blood? Too much." He paced up and down along the branch. "Think, Discord, think!" He stamped his foot, the branch snapping off and tumbling downward. Discord flapped in mid-air, checked that the branch would miss Fluttershy. "That'll do for now". Hengst glimpsed the branch in his peripheral vision and saw an opportunity: even though it was about to squarely land on him alone, he threw himself at Fluttershy shouting "Look out!" The branch crashed down, shaking leaves everywhere. Hengst stayed protectively above Fluttershy as the adrenaline faded. "You saved me!" She said, nuzzling him gratefully. Up in the canopy of the tree, the sound of antler and goat horn smacking the trunk repeatedly. Hengst caught his breath and gazed into Fluttershy's eyes. She was staring back, heart pounding. They leaned in toward one another, lips almost meeting. "Stop it! Stop it!" Discord mouthed desperately, as he scrambled to think of something to interrupt the moment. "Dog fart breath!" He shouted triumphantly and braced to click his fingers. Before he could do so however, a small purple dragon barrelled into Hengst, throwing him off-balance with surprise. Spike was a yelling flurry of furious teeth, claws, and tail. He launched himself again and again at Hengst who, having composed himself, was keeping Spike just out of reach. "This isn't going to last long if I don't help," beamed Discord, clicking his fingers. The baby dragon with the fists of fury suddenly became a significantly larger dragon. Not large enough to wipe Hengst out but no longer something he could just ignore. The new, improved Spike grabbed hold of Hengst's tunic and did a barrel roll in mid-air, tearing it asunder. "My lovely tunic!" Hengst nipped cruelly at Spike's tail and the two spun round and round in a circle of flame and phlegm. "Enough!" Fluttershy stepped forward and Spike backed away. Fluttershy's hoof on Hengst's chest prevented him from pursuing. "Stay away from M'lady!" Spike growled and shot off into the trees. "What was that about!" Fluttershy asked. "I can't be sure but I think someone is messing with us," Hengst said, straightening his singed mane. "Yea, and I think I know who too," Fluttershy looked up into the tense silence of the tree top. 4. Nothing to see here"Act casual, you gorgeous bastard!" Discord shouted to himself as he spun around frantically, preparing for when Fluttershy would find him. He was under the exact same gnarly tree in the woods. He plonked himself down and tried to look busy. "Now what was I doing last time? Ah yes," he summoned a storm cloud. Right before she had turned up last time, he had been preparing to play a game he had learnt from an old coyote in Mexicolt. The original version involved tapping a knife between the digits of your paw. Discord loved the game almost as much as the disapproving frowns of the one-toed pony onlookers who couldn't play. He had gotten rather good at it, which is why he had switched from a knife blade to lightning: much less predictable. Predictable! He was just a little chaos being, innocently playing in the woods. Anything untoward, such as order or patterns, could be regarded by Fluttershy as highly suspicious. He had to act natural! He dismissed the storm cloud with a snap of his fingers. He looked around, panicking, desperate to find something that he could nonchalantly be doing. That was when his eyes fell upon the tabby cat chasing the brown mouse. Perfect! He clicked his fingers and the two swapped sizes. The cat-sized slavering rodent seized the moment and gave chase. The tiny cat swore at Discord and tried to puff himself up to a larger size. It didn't work and he fled for his life, the mouse hot on his heels. Discord clapped his "hands" together with excitement. He was enjoying himself so much doing this he didn't even have to think about pretending to be busy. Click! Now there were two cats with mouse hind legs and tails. What cat could resist chasing that? Certainly not these two. Around and around they went until Discord felt positively dizzy. Click! The cat and mouse were their correct size and shape. The cat lunged for the mouse. It was at this moment that Fluttershy walked around the corner. "Hi," she said softly, tail swishing. "Oh! Hi," Discord looked up, fighting to keep the 'I'm the dog that ate your hone-glazed ham' look off his face. He clicked his fingers absent-mindedly. The giant mouse turned around and hotly pursued the little cat that looked like a tabby dandelion clock. Fluttershy watched the spectacle before her and bit her lip. "Discord, you ruined our picnic, didn't you?" "Me?" Click! The cat chasing the mouse again, a look of relief on his face. "I expect such accusations from the bores in Ponyville but from you? That cuts to the quick!" He put his lion paw on his chest to add dramatic effect. "It's ok if you did, Discord. I mean, it's not ok to do it but it's ok to admit to it. Does that make sense?" No answer, just a click of the fingers and the chase resumed in the mouse's favour. "Did you do it, Discord?" She pressed. He froze. How much could the consequences of the truth hurt? Click! Normal cat and mouse. "Yes," he said, in a voice smaller than hers. Fluttershy sighed with relief. "Thank you for telling me. I'm not mad at you. In fact, I think I understand." Fluttershy glanced over at Discord, whose dejected beard was trailing the ground. Behind him, the cat pounced. "If he's a jerk, he'll prove it on his own. If we aren't right for each other, it will become obvious on its own but I can't be sure whether we work if I'm ways wondering how much of what doesn't work is caused by you." Fluttershy took a deep breath. The cat grabbed the mouse between its jaws and sat up, looking pleased with himself. Fluttershy exhaled slowly. Now for the hard part. "Discord, I need you to give us some space." "I just wanted... What?!" Discord looked up at her, terrified. Click! The mouse grew in a flash as the tabby cat shrank. Two beings trying to occupy the same space and time until... something had to give. There was a gut-wrenching pop sound, followed by a gasping for breath. The giant mouse shook himself like a wet dog, pieces of cat spraying everywhere. "Noooo!" screamed Fluttershy in distress. "I can fix this, I can fix this!" Discord's voice was a high quaver. Surgical scrubs had appeared on his upper half, a French maid's outfit on his lower half as he scooped up the pieces with a dustpan and brush and tipped them in a pile on the operating table. He snapped his fingers and the cat reassembled - mostly as it was. The paws of the back feet had toes from the front feet and the order of the tail bones seemed all jumbled up. The fur was thicker in some places than others and the feline jaws were interspersed with enlarged mouse teeth. All of these slight differences were nothing compared to the cat's complete stillness laying on the table. "Oh, Discord!" Fluttershy buried her muzzle under his wing and sobbed. "It all happened so fast I..." Didn't mean it? Wasn't looking? Am sorry? None seemed sufficient. He dropped his head, spread his wings, and took off without finishing his sentence. Fluttershy watched him leave, her heart aching. If she had known where he was heading, she might have used the time to warn Hengst. Author's Note In which this story starts living up to its categorisation. 5. Unfair Trade"What in tarnation is she playin' at?" Applejack muttered as she and her older brother picked their way along the cliff top. "I mean seriously now, cryin' for two days straight? She's gotta dehydrate sometime, right?" She glanced up at Big McIntosh for validation. "Yup," he said. "What is there that's so sad you'd cry for days?" Applejack continued, "I mean, maybe if a family member, y'know... then I'd be real sad for ages... but there's grievin' and there's stuff to do. One don't mutually exclude the other." "Nope." "I mean, this is Rarity we're talkin' about. Chances are she chipped 'er hoof or broke 'er favourite doll or some such." Big McIntosh raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh, hey, y'know I didn't mean nothin' by it," Applejack back-peddled. "Besides, you prove my point. You didn't cry for two days straight now, did ya?" Big McIntosh snorted. "There ya go. Then ya got Fluttershy not comin' to the door when we knocked. Ya think that's connected?" Big McIntosh shrugged. "Yeah I know, not enough of them - what does Twilight call 'em? - data points in our sample set. That's why we're up here, lookin' for more." Applejack crunched a Gorse flower under hoof and sniffed the coconut aroma, sighing. "If somethin's up with Fluttershy, nine times out of ten Discord'll know somethin' about it - and the tenth time he'll probably be lyin'," "Yup," Big McIntosh nodded. "So all we need to do is follow the trail of accidental chaos like followin' the ammonia smell back to a harvest mouse and it'll lead us right to 'im." "Yup." "Hullo! What's this?" Applejack pointed down to the beach, where a small boat laden with crates had just pulled ashore. The crew of two jumped off and greeted a figure standing on the beach, surrounded by crows. Bits were exchanged and the crates were unloaded. "Can ya make out who they are?" Applejack called, squinting. "Nope." "Well, either I'm drunk and there's two of Rarity's dad or... that's Flim and Flam down there!" "Yup," grinned Big McIntosh. "Hey!" Applejack cast a disapproving look at her big brother, "I ain't had any cider in ages." She looked back down to the beach. "Don't recognise that birdy fella though. Hey! What are they doin' now?" The "birdy fellow" had gone a few paces into the woods and come back with a crate. He seemed to be struggling with it. The two from the boat came to assist and they hauled it on board. "Oh no you don't!" The wind snatched Applejack's words as she broke into a gallop back down the cliff path toward the beach." Big McIntosh soon drew parallel and they thundered along the track. The nefarious company of ponies must have seen them coming for, by the time they reached the sandy alcove, the boat was rowing steadily out to sea and the stranger was gone. One or two crows remained, tilting their heads curiously at the siblings. "What was that about?" Applejack could feel trouble brewing if Flim and Flam were involved. She remembered how they had almost swindled her into lying for them. It had almost cost Granny Smith her life. She swished her tail angrily. "Uh, sis?" Big McIntosh was pawing the ground by a small wooden crate that seemed to be rocking back and forth. "Easy now," she trotted over and, between them, they managed to carefully pry the lid off. Sitting at the bottom of the box, shaking and snivelling, was a little bear cub. It squinted up into the bright light of the opening, took one look at the two ponies and started bawling. "Oh hey little fella, you tryin' to get me in trouble with your mommy?" The bear's volume increased in response. "Crumbs, where's Fluttershy when ya need 'er? I ain't cut out for this!" Applejack looked to her brother for suggestions, who shrugged. "Right, you wait here, I'm going to get help, ok?" "Yup," Big McIntosh said, looking doubtful. Hengst slowed to a trot and chanced a look behind him. Nobody was pursuing him. Could the big oaf and the hothead have given up so easily? He chuckled and slipped into a comfortable saunter. Rotten luck having to ditch half the merchandise but at least he'd already been paid for it. The real loss was being discovered. Oh well, the wheels were already in motion, he just had to move a little quicker than he would have liked. The hothead would have to be dealt with now of course. The big earth pony probably wasn't bright enough to be a problem. It was at this moment that Hengst realised he wasn't alone: There, on the path ahead of him, stood a comely mare with long eyelashes. She fluttered them at him as he approached and flashed her fetlocks seductively. "Hello big boy, want some fun?" "Already having some thank you," he curtly replied and tried to trot past the stranger. "Not like this. I could show you things you couldn't imagine," she crooned, circling him like a shark. Hengst stopped, nostrils flaring. "Madame, you're beginning to irk me," he growled. "That's nothing compared to what I'm prepared to do to you," Discord growled back, his form slipping back into its usual undulating shape. "Chaos unmasked. Pleased to meet you," smiled Hengst, "I'm a big fan of your work." Discord just glared. "Are we throwing down here or are you going to step out of my way?" "Out of your... way," Discord's smile was unnerving. "Rest assured that I will be completely out of your 'way' from now on but don't worry, you're never going to be alone again. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I'll be there. When you slip up - and you will slip up eventually - I'll be there and I'll land on you like a two-ton piano, understood?" Discord straightened an invisible tie around Hengst's neck (or was it a noose?). Hengst swallowed, blushing angrily. "Attaboy," Discord patted Hengst on the head and vanished. From her hiding place a little way down the path, Applejack chewed the inside of her cheek. She hadn't heard much of the conversation but she'd made up her mind what the gist of it must be. "Discord!" She furrowed her brow and sneaked off while Hengst was still regaining his composure. Author's Note In part inspired by Tony Soprano running through the woods from the FBI take-down. In part an homage to Big McIntosh, who really needs more "lines". Enjoy, 2 TornFluttershy found Discord sitting under a gnarly old tree in the forest. With its dramatic asymmetry the tree framed his haphazard form perfectly. A tiny thundercloud hovered just above his head, raindrops falling upward. He stopped his game as she approached, one eye meeting hers, the other still watching the grass dry. "Hello old friend," she smiled, with none of the crippling awkwardness she had displayed with the newcomer earlier. "Flutters! To what do I owe the pleasure?" He patted the ground, beckoning her to sit with him. She sat. "Oh Discord, I have so much to tell you!" "It's only been a couple of days since we saw each other last. you've been busy?" "Well, sort of...," She began, "I met someone," There it was, now he knew she would tell him outright - because she had. The relief of knowing she was a good friend was short-lived, quickly followed by stomach-churning guilt at having doubted her and the bitter-tasting thought of her with him. "That's... great - really... great." "What's up?" Fluttershy knew him too well. "It's just... Isn't it a little fast?" "Oh sure, I only started wanting the company of a stallion yesterday and today," she snapped. Discord was unused to seeing her like this. "My turn to ask you what's up," he said. Fluttershy let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know! I'm nervous. It did all happen so fast and I didn't ask him to but I didn't turn him away and now he's coming with a picnic tomorrow and the animals all really seem to like him - even the crowd who seldom like anyone - and he smells like orchards and he's got the nicest eyes and I don't know!" She gasped for breath. Discord opened his mouth to say something but Fluttershy beat him to it. "It's not as if I get asked out every day," she said. He couldn't talk her out of it, he refused to be that particular brand of jerk who doesn't want his friend to be happy. She had to do this. "You should go. Enjoy yourself, it'll do you some good to get out for a while", he hugged her. "Thank you Discord, you're such a good friend." The words were both comforting and painful but he didn't let either show. He would be a good friend, damn it and if that meant tailing them on their dates and making sure that she was ok and he wasn't, so be it! He was actually starting to look forward to what tomorrow brings. Author's Note That was harder to write than I thought it was going to be. The next one's already flowing much easier.
1. Sunshine and StrangersThe sun beat down on Ponyville, creating rainbow heat ripples in the middle distance. At her cottage in the woods, Fluttershy had her hands full. The menagerie all had different needs. The pigs needed sun cream and wouldn't stop wriggling long enough to receive an even coating. The birds were panting in whatever shade they could find. The lizards hopped with a mixture of delight and pad pain in the energising warmth. Fluttershy smiled happily to herself despite the hard work. It was a labour of love and she wouldn't give up her animals for anything. She was so carried away that she hadn't noticed the shadow fall behind her. The figure watched Fluttershy for a long time, then took in all the animals with a slow stare. He reached out and gently placed a raspberry and a cube of fat on the ground behind Fluttershy, before slinking back out of sight. The rabbits and the crows didn't need telling twice: they were on the limited treat supply like a shot: victorious rabbit chewing furiously, his red-stained lips chatting away to themselves. The triumphant crow flapped lazily up to the weathervane with his prize while the others sulked and plotted his demise. Within moments, the juicy morsels were gone and Fluttershy was too concerned with the commotion in front of her to pay any heed to the one behind. In fact the first she knew of her unexpected company was the loud snort by her left ear, accompanied by the furious clamour of wings to her right. She turned to see a dappled grey stallion standing fetlock-deep in shrews, moles, hedgehogs and rabbits - with a flock of corvids orbiting his back. "Goodness! They do this all the time, wherever I go. I can't tell you how... Good this feels," the stranger's brilliantine smile drew attention away from the nerve twitching by his eye as one of the more persistent crows landed on his back and tugged his mane to try and dispense more treats. "They never normally react like this to strangers," Fluttershy smiled sheepishly. "Perhaps that's because I'm not a stranger, at least not any more. I'm Hengst, pleased to meet you," he reared up, puffing out his chest and trying not to wince as the crow scrabbled to keep a purchase on his steeply-inclined back. Fluttershy looked down, uncertain what to say. This stallion seemed so full of confidence, he was the epitome of everything she wasn't. He didn't deserve to be stuck with her - better he find a confident mare like Rarity to talk to. They'd know what to do. She liked how fond the animals were of him - that had to mean something, right? she became acutely aware that she hadn't said anything for what felt like hours. He was smiling! Of all the nerve! Why didn't he mind that she was being such a plank? "Excuse me, Miss..." "Fluttershy!" She blurted out. The lights of recognition went on in Hengst's eyes. "Oh you're Fluttershy! I was told you were pretty but I had no idea," he said. Fluttershy scuffed the earth awkwardly with her hoof, overturning a family of woodlice. "Sorry!" She said, patting the soil back around them. "No need to apologise," Hengst grinned. "What? Oh..." In the moment, Fluttershy had forgotten he was there and wasn't about to make a bigger fool of herself by admitting it. "Listen, I'm going to stop by tomorrow with a picnic basket. You wouldn't leave a new friend to dine alone, would you?" "Um... No?" She flushed crimson with humiliation, "I have to go," she galloped headlong back into the cottage with her entourage of woodland critters. Hengst looked at the crow sitting between his shoulder blades. "You understand me, don't you?" The crow cocked his head and nodded. "Good. The treats are our little secret, got it? Keep it a secret and you'll get many more. Breathe a word of it and you'll never get another treat ever again." The crow sized Hengst up critically, then nodded. "The rabbit won't tell either - right?" The threat was in the inflection. The crow shrugged and flapped off in the direction of the cottage. Hengst watched it go, a sneer of disdain on his face. A bright yellow pair of eyes watched the dappled grey stallion trot off. The trembling crimson pupils took in the woodland stranger. A click of fingers echoed through the trees and somewhere else in the woods a parrot started shrieking from the wrong end. Author's Note My first attempt at a FiM story. Constructive brutality welcome.
3. The PicnicRarity's day seldom started with handsome strangers at the door of her shop. Today was clearly going to be the exception. Rarity checked herself in one of the many mirrors and flung the door open with dramatic flair. "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique! How can I help you?" rarity fluttered her eyelashes. "Good morning, I wonder if you would be so kind, as to help me out of a bit of a bind," Hengst flashed his teeth at her. She reacted instinctively. Somewhere up in the rafters, an unusually asymmetrical clothes moth cringed at the rhyme. "Well, say no more! What can I do for you?" "I am attending a rather important meeting and I require a suit intended to impress. Does that sound like something you can do? For me?" Hengst's patter was flawless. "Can I do that? Can I do that? Why, that's what I do!" Rarity preened. "I will put together some designs for you and you can choose the one that suits you best. How soon do you need it?" Hengst leaned close, "This morning preferably." "This... morning?!" Rarity's eyes widened. She turned on her heels and flicked her mane back. Threaded needles rose from out of a haberdashery cabinet like charmed snakes and a Hengst-sized tailor's dummy shunted itself across the floor towards her. "But there's so much to do and... There's no time to lose - SPIKE!" Spike scurried into the room, eyes crusted with sleep dust. He rolled up invisible sleeves and dove headlong into the gem chest. The irate little clothes moth took his cue to sneak out the door before things really started flying. "Do we want flawless; flawed but affordable; or food grade?" Rarity cast her eyes over Hengst, who smiled bashfully. "I think a physique this majestic calls for our very finest gems. Spike rolled his eyes. This dappled doofus had the same cheesy grin as Trenderhoof. Rarity clearly had a type. He looked at himself in the mirror and practiced his own exaggerated grin until his cheeks ached. "Fpikey-wikey!" Rarity mumbled with taut cotton between her teeth, "how are we doing with those gems?" Oh, right! He rushed over, arms laden with the brightest stones he could find. They rose into a semi-precious tornado and began affixing themselves to the dark blue satin of the tunic taking shape on the dummy. "Splendid, just a couple of adjustments and..." The needles swarmed down the belly of the garment, leaving a double-breasted brocade pattern in their wake, "voila! The finest outfit in the land for your very special meeting," Rarity announced as the tunic whizzed off the model and onto Hengst. "My my, this is most grand indeed!" He exclaimed as he trotted round in circles admiring himself. "I am forever in your debt. How much do I owe you?" Rarity did some quick calculations: fabric cost, Five bits; gems, an hour of Spike's and her time... "Four bits please," she said, leaning in. "Oh dear, don't I feel silly. I only have two bits on me, you see? I don't suppose you could do me a massive favour?" He cupped her chin in his hoof and gazed into her eyes, "For me!" There was that grin again. Rarity's eyelids fluttered in time to her racing heart. "Well, seeing as it's you, alright. Two bits." "Thank you! Thank you!" Hengst kissed her on the nose and passed her the coins. "It's true what people say about you, you know, you are so generous. Good job, really. You need something to compensate for those rather obvious physical deformities!" Hengst was positively capering around the room with delight. "My rather obvious WHAT?!" Rarity was set to blow a gasket, though it was Spike who had actual steam coming from his ears. In rooms full of mirrors it's a good job looks can't kill or Spike's might have ricocheted and killed them all. Rarity's bawling erupted, sending flocks of nearby birds up into the air. The finely dressed stallion cantered out, still whinnying with glee. The last thing he heard as he departed was a barely intelligible wail of "I sold my heart for the price of a cherry Spikey-poo!!!" Fluttershy was counting stag beetles when Hengst came trotting around the corner with the picnic basket in his teeth. The trees rustled as he went. Fluttershy admired the new outfit. Looks like a Rarity original, she thought. Rarity is one of my best friends, if she likes him, he must be alright. "Hello Hengst," she put on her brave, unintentionally stressed face. "Good morning. Shall we?" They strolled down the road together, Fluttershy chatting about all the nature they passed along the way. Hengst constantly steering the conversation back to questions about her. They finally arrived at a secluded little spot by a brook. Hengst unfurled the plaid blanket and lay it down flat. Mostly flat. One side of the blanket was folded under itself. Hengst grunted and gave the blanket a flick. It resettled, the other side tucked under. Hengst frowned and tossed his mane, then tried again to lay the blanket out flat. Up in the treetops, a mismatched pair of arms rested casually on a branch. Discord was having the best time already. Who would have thought that such a small interference could have so much mileage? He let the big oaf try two more times. Fluttershy, seeing the stallion's frustration, leaned across and nuzzled the rumpled corner of the blanket perfectly flat. She thought she heard an uncontrollable cackle sound somewhere high above her. She looked up but could see nothing. Discord was giddy with emotion. Just as he was getting bored of his own game, that wonderful pegasus had given him an out that was more emasculating than anything he could have come up with in that moment. She did it unintentionally too! He looked down to see the stallion snorting grumpily as he pulled the sandwiches out of the basket. Time for phase two of Discord's plan. "Thank you for inviting me out, Hengst. Isn't it a lovely day?" "Perfect!" Had he snapped? It felt like he had. He softened his tone. "A most perfect day, I would say. Beautiful surroundings; even more stunning company." A micro-expression of baring teeth eased into an affable grin. Fluttershy smiled back as she picked up her sandwich. She stopped, pointing behind her. "Bees!" The swarm descended on the couple, whirling around the lunch, then settled all over Hengst's hooves - their proboscides lapping feverishly. "Well that was disappointing," Discord squeezed his beard thoughtfully. Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, hoping Hengst would provide an explanation. "Oh, did I not mention? The animals just love me." That smile again. Fluttershy didn't look terribly convinced. The bees started moving off drowsily. Meanwhile, Discord was trying to choose which misfortune to visit upon the picnic next. Clearly anything to do with the local wildlife was going to be a swing and a miss with this guy. "Pelt them with owl pellets? Too soon... Turn the brook into overflowing blood? Too much." He paced up and down along the branch. "Think, Discord, think!" He stamped his foot, the branch snapping off and tumbling downward. Discord flapped in mid-air, checked that the branch would miss Fluttershy. "That'll do for now". Hengst glimpsed the branch in his peripheral vision and saw an opportunity: even though it was about to squarely land on him alone, he threw himself at Fluttershy shouting "Look out!" The branch crashed down, shaking leaves everywhere. Hengst stayed protectively above Fluttershy as the adrenaline faded. "You saved me!" She said, nuzzling him gratefully. Up in the canopy of the tree, the sound of antler and goat horn smacking the trunk repeatedly. Hengst caught his breath and gazed into Fluttershy's eyes. She was staring back, heart pounding. They leaned in toward one another, lips almost meeting. "Stop it! Stop it!" Discord mouthed desperately, as he scrambled to think of something to interrupt the moment. "Dog fart breath!" He shouted triumphantly and braced to click his fingers. Before he could do so however, a small purple dragon barrelled into Hengst, throwing him off-balance with surprise. Spike was a yelling flurry of furious teeth, claws, and tail. He launched himself again and again at Hengst who, having composed himself, was keeping Spike just out of reach. "This isn't going to last long if I don't help," beamed Discord, clicking his fingers. The baby dragon with the fists of fury suddenly became a significantly larger dragon. Not large enough to wipe Hengst out but no longer something he could just ignore. The new, improved Spike grabbed hold of Hengst's tunic and did a barrel roll in mid-air, tearing it asunder. "My lovely tunic!" Hengst nipped cruelly at Spike's tail and the two spun round and round in a circle of flame and phlegm. "Enough!" Fluttershy stepped forward and Spike backed away. Fluttershy's hoof on Hengst's chest prevented him from pursuing. "Stay away from M'lady!" Spike growled and shot off into the trees. "What was that about!" Fluttershy asked. "I can't be sure but I think someone is messing with us," Hengst said, straightening his singed mane. "Yea, and I think I know who too," Fluttershy looked up into the tense silence of the tree top.
4. Nothing to see here"Act casual, you gorgeous bastard!" Discord shouted to himself as he spun around frantically, preparing for when Fluttershy would find him. He was under the exact same gnarly tree in the woods. He plonked himself down and tried to look busy. "Now what was I doing last time? Ah yes," he summoned a storm cloud. Right before she had turned up last time, he had been preparing to play a game he had learnt from an old coyote in Mexicolt. The original version involved tapping a knife between the digits of your paw. Discord loved the game almost as much as the disapproving frowns of the one-toed pony onlookers who couldn't play. He had gotten rather good at it, which is why he had switched from a knife blade to lightning: much less predictable. Predictable! He was just a little chaos being, innocently playing in the woods. Anything untoward, such as order or patterns, could be regarded by Fluttershy as highly suspicious. He had to act natural! He dismissed the storm cloud with a snap of his fingers. He looked around, panicking, desperate to find something that he could nonchalantly be doing. That was when his eyes fell upon the tabby cat chasing the brown mouse. Perfect! He clicked his fingers and the two swapped sizes. The cat-sized slavering rodent seized the moment and gave chase. The tiny cat swore at Discord and tried to puff himself up to a larger size. It didn't work and he fled for his life, the mouse hot on his heels. Discord clapped his "hands" together with excitement. He was enjoying himself so much doing this he didn't even have to think about pretending to be busy. Click! Now there were two cats with mouse hind legs and tails. What cat could resist chasing that? Certainly not these two. Around and around they went until Discord felt positively dizzy. Click! The cat and mouse were their correct size and shape. The cat lunged for the mouse. It was at this moment that Fluttershy walked around the corner. "Hi," she said softly, tail swishing. "Oh! Hi," Discord looked up, fighting to keep the 'I'm the dog that ate your hone-glazed ham' look off his face. He clicked his fingers absent-mindedly. The giant mouse turned around and hotly pursued the little cat that looked like a tabby dandelion clock. Fluttershy watched the spectacle before her and bit her lip. "Discord, you ruined our picnic, didn't you?" "Me?" Click! The cat chasing the mouse again, a look of relief on his face. "I expect such accusations from the bores in Ponyville but from you? That cuts to the quick!" He put his lion paw on his chest to add dramatic effect. "It's ok if you did, Discord. I mean, it's not ok to do it but it's ok to admit to it. Does that make sense?" No answer, just a click of the fingers and the chase resumed in the mouse's favour. "Did you do it, Discord?" She pressed. He froze. How much could the consequences of the truth hurt? Click! Normal cat and mouse. "Yes," he said, in a voice smaller than hers. Fluttershy sighed with relief. "Thank you for telling me. I'm not mad at you. In fact, I think I understand." Fluttershy glanced over at Discord, whose dejected beard was trailing the ground. Behind him, the cat pounced. "If he's a jerk, he'll prove it on his own. If we aren't right for each other, it will become obvious on its own but I can't be sure whether we work if I'm ways wondering how much of what doesn't work is caused by you." Fluttershy took a deep breath. The cat grabbed the mouse between its jaws and sat up, looking pleased with himself. Fluttershy exhaled slowly. Now for the hard part. "Discord, I need you to give us some space." "I just wanted... What?!" Discord looked up at her, terrified. Click! The mouse grew in a flash as the tabby cat shrank. Two beings trying to occupy the same space and time until... something had to give. There was a gut-wrenching pop sound, followed by a gasping for breath. The giant mouse shook himself like a wet dog, pieces of cat spraying everywhere. "Noooo!" screamed Fluttershy in distress. "I can fix this, I can fix this!" Discord's voice was a high quaver. Surgical scrubs had appeared on his upper half, a French maid's outfit on his lower half as he scooped up the pieces with a dustpan and brush and tipped them in a pile on the operating table. He snapped his fingers and the cat reassembled - mostly as it was. The paws of the back feet had toes from the front feet and the order of the tail bones seemed all jumbled up. The fur was thicker in some places than others and the feline jaws were interspersed with enlarged mouse teeth. All of these slight differences were nothing compared to the cat's complete stillness laying on the table. "Oh, Discord!" Fluttershy buried her muzzle under his wing and sobbed. "It all happened so fast I..." Didn't mean it? Wasn't looking? Am sorry? None seemed sufficient. He dropped his head, spread his wings, and took off without finishing his sentence. Fluttershy watched him leave, her heart aching. If she had known where he was heading, she might have used the time to warn Hengst. Author's Note In which this story starts living up to its categorisation.
5. Unfair Trade"What in tarnation is she playin' at?" Applejack muttered as she and her older brother picked their way along the cliff top. "I mean seriously now, cryin' for two days straight? She's gotta dehydrate sometime, right?" She glanced up at Big McIntosh for validation. "Yup," he said. "What is there that's so sad you'd cry for days?" Applejack continued, "I mean, maybe if a family member, y'know... then I'd be real sad for ages... but there's grievin' and there's stuff to do. One don't mutually exclude the other." "Nope." "I mean, this is Rarity we're talkin' about. Chances are she chipped 'er hoof or broke 'er favourite doll or some such." Big McIntosh raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh, hey, y'know I didn't mean nothin' by it," Applejack back-peddled. "Besides, you prove my point. You didn't cry for two days straight now, did ya?" Big McIntosh snorted. "There ya go. Then ya got Fluttershy not comin' to the door when we knocked. Ya think that's connected?" Big McIntosh shrugged. "Yeah I know, not enough of them - what does Twilight call 'em? - data points in our sample set. That's why we're up here, lookin' for more." Applejack crunched a Gorse flower under hoof and sniffed the coconut aroma, sighing. "If somethin's up with Fluttershy, nine times out of ten Discord'll know somethin' about it - and the tenth time he'll probably be lyin'," "Yup," Big McIntosh nodded. "So all we need to do is follow the trail of accidental chaos like followin' the ammonia smell back to a harvest mouse and it'll lead us right to 'im." "Yup." "Hullo! What's this?" Applejack pointed down to the beach, where a small boat laden with crates had just pulled ashore. The crew of two jumped off and greeted a figure standing on the beach, surrounded by crows. Bits were exchanged and the crates were unloaded. "Can ya make out who they are?" Applejack called, squinting. "Nope." "Well, either I'm drunk and there's two of Rarity's dad or... that's Flim and Flam down there!" "Yup," grinned Big McIntosh. "Hey!" Applejack cast a disapproving look at her big brother, "I ain't had any cider in ages." She looked back down to the beach. "Don't recognise that birdy fella though. Hey! What are they doin' now?" The "birdy fellow" had gone a few paces into the woods and come back with a crate. He seemed to be struggling with it. The two from the boat came to assist and they hauled it on board. "Oh no you don't!" The wind snatched Applejack's words as she broke into a gallop back down the cliff path toward the beach." Big McIntosh soon drew parallel and they thundered along the track. The nefarious company of ponies must have seen them coming for, by the time they reached the sandy alcove, the boat was rowing steadily out to sea and the stranger was gone. One or two crows remained, tilting their heads curiously at the siblings. "What was that about?" Applejack could feel trouble brewing if Flim and Flam were involved. She remembered how they had almost swindled her into lying for them. It had almost cost Granny Smith her life. She swished her tail angrily. "Uh, sis?" Big McIntosh was pawing the ground by a small wooden crate that seemed to be rocking back and forth. "Easy now," she trotted over and, between them, they managed to carefully pry the lid off. Sitting at the bottom of the box, shaking and snivelling, was a little bear cub. It squinted up into the bright light of the opening, took one look at the two ponies and started bawling. "Oh hey little fella, you tryin' to get me in trouble with your mommy?" The bear's volume increased in response. "Crumbs, where's Fluttershy when ya need 'er? I ain't cut out for this!" Applejack looked to her brother for suggestions, who shrugged. "Right, you wait here, I'm going to get help, ok?" "Yup," Big McIntosh said, looking doubtful. Hengst slowed to a trot and chanced a look behind him. Nobody was pursuing him. Could the big oaf and the hothead have given up so easily? He chuckled and slipped into a comfortable saunter. Rotten luck having to ditch half the merchandise but at least he'd already been paid for it. The real loss was being discovered. Oh well, the wheels were already in motion, he just had to move a little quicker than he would have liked. The hothead would have to be dealt with now of course. The big earth pony probably wasn't bright enough to be a problem. It was at this moment that Hengst realised he wasn't alone: There, on the path ahead of him, stood a comely mare with long eyelashes. She fluttered them at him as he approached and flashed her fetlocks seductively. "Hello big boy, want some fun?" "Already having some thank you," he curtly replied and tried to trot past the stranger. "Not like this. I could show you things you couldn't imagine," she crooned, circling him like a shark. Hengst stopped, nostrils flaring. "Madame, you're beginning to irk me," he growled. "That's nothing compared to what I'm prepared to do to you," Discord growled back, his form slipping back into its usual undulating shape. "Chaos unmasked. Pleased to meet you," smiled Hengst, "I'm a big fan of your work." Discord just glared. "Are we throwing down here or are you going to step out of my way?" "Out of your... way," Discord's smile was unnerving. "Rest assured that I will be completely out of your 'way' from now on but don't worry, you're never going to be alone again. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I'll be there. When you slip up - and you will slip up eventually - I'll be there and I'll land on you like a two-ton piano, understood?" Discord straightened an invisible tie around Hengst's neck (or was it a noose?). Hengst swallowed, blushing angrily. "Attaboy," Discord patted Hengst on the head and vanished. From her hiding place a little way down the path, Applejack chewed the inside of her cheek. She hadn't heard much of the conversation but she'd made up her mind what the gist of it must be. "Discord!" She furrowed her brow and sneaked off while Hengst was still regaining his composure. Author's Note In part inspired by Tony Soprano running through the woods from the FBI take-down. In part an homage to Big McIntosh, who really needs more "lines". Enjoy,
2 TornFluttershy found Discord sitting under a gnarly old tree in the forest. With its dramatic asymmetry the tree framed his haphazard form perfectly. A tiny thundercloud hovered just above his head, raindrops falling upward. He stopped his game as she approached, one eye meeting hers, the other still watching the grass dry. "Hello old friend," she smiled, with none of the crippling awkwardness she had displayed with the newcomer earlier. "Flutters! To what do I owe the pleasure?" He patted the ground, beckoning her to sit with him. She sat. "Oh Discord, I have so much to tell you!" "It's only been a couple of days since we saw each other last. you've been busy?" "Well, sort of...," She began, "I met someone," There it was, now he knew she would tell him outright - because she had. The relief of knowing she was a good friend was short-lived, quickly followed by stomach-churning guilt at having doubted her and the bitter-tasting thought of her with him. "That's... great - really... great." "What's up?" Fluttershy knew him too well. "It's just... Isn't it a little fast?" "Oh sure, I only started wanting the company of a stallion yesterday and today," she snapped. Discord was unused to seeing her like this. "My turn to ask you what's up," he said. Fluttershy let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know! I'm nervous. It did all happen so fast and I didn't ask him to but I didn't turn him away and now he's coming with a picnic tomorrow and the animals all really seem to like him - even the crowd who seldom like anyone - and he smells like orchards and he's got the nicest eyes and I don't know!" She gasped for breath. Discord opened his mouth to say something but Fluttershy beat him to it. "It's not as if I get asked out every day," she said. He couldn't talk her out of it, he refused to be that particular brand of jerk who doesn't want his friend to be happy. She had to do this. "You should go. Enjoy yourself, it'll do you some good to get out for a while", he hugged her. "Thank you Discord, you're such a good friend." The words were both comforting and painful but he didn't let either show. He would be a good friend, damn it and if that meant tailing them on their dates and making sure that she was ok and he wasn't, so be it! He was actually starting to look forward to what tomorrow brings. Author's Note That was harder to write than I thought it was going to be. The next one's already flowing much easier.
