Chapters I stood on the thatched roof of someone’s home. I didn’t know who, and I can’t say that I would have wanted to either. It would have only made me falter, even if I doubted what I was going to do would work. I had never been able to put a finger on it exactly, but all I could really say is that it was in their eyes. Those large, cheerful eyes that could see right through me.
I chuckled at my own horrible joke. Of course they could see right through me, what couldn’t?
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Now is not the time,” I muttered to myself. I may as well have shouted it, though. It wasn’t like I would be heard. I could have shouted right in someone’s ear, and they would have just walked right on by. I’ve done it before, too. The things I would say to them would have surely earned me more than one smack to the face if it weren’t for my special case.
I shook my head again. It was annoying, but I had developed a tendency to ramble to myself. Although, I can’t say that I don’t still have that same habit. Would anyone blame me for talking to the best conversationalist that I possibly could? Sure, I earned that title by default, but it was still mine. I often joked about being such good conversationalist to my reflection. He always agreed, of course. We got along quite well.
“God dammit, shut up!” I beat my fists on my head to silence the incessant ranting in my mind. “I need to get this over with. Let’s try a swan dive this time, the last one felt a little shaky.”
So, I bent my knees and took another steady breath. I looked straight down at my target, and launched myself as high as I could.
“Hah! I’m flying!” I often said strange things as I fell. At least that time I wasn’t singing “Free Bird” the whole way down.
Reflexively, I closed my eyes before I hit the ground. It was just one of those things I could never shake, a human reaction to falling from a great height. If anyone could have seen me, they might have noticed that my fingers were crossed, as if the simple gesture might bestow upon me better fortune.
It didn’t, of course. I landed with a loud thud, just as every time before. I didn’t even feel any pain, it was more like I had jumped onto a giant pile of pillows. For about two seconds, that is. Then it felt exactly as it should, like dirt and grass.
I stood, and brushed myself off. It was an unnecessary gesture, of course. It just made me feel more normal, and I took every opportunity I could to deny the situation I was in. Even if it meant dusting off my clothes when they were actually spotless.
“Well,” I sighed, “Another day begins, I suppose.”
“Hey there,” I said as I walked by the townsfolk, “Lookin’ horrible today, did you try something new?” My cheerful tone was belied by my words. It was like a sadistic pleasure of mine, phrasing insults like compliments. The best part was that I could say whatever I wanted and no one would stop me.
“Ooh, I hate what you did with your mane today, it looks just terrible .”
“That was one underwhelming bit of magic right there!”
“You look as graceful as a drunken pig when you fly!”
Oh, did I forget to mention that I was in a world full of colorful, talking ponies? Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. There were even pegasi and unicorns there, if you can believe me. And each of them had some silly symbol on their butt, that told them, and everyone else, what they were good at. I believe I had heard someone call them “Cutie Marks,” but I was never sure.
I can’t say that I didn’t look any further into it because I didn’t want to have to say something as sickeningly childish as “Cutie Mark” every time I mentioned them. Just because I was stuck in a world that felt like a children’s cartoon didn’t mean I had to act like I was.
My mouth curled up into an evil grin as I thought of what the parents would say if I was actually on a show like that. Maybe if I was though, I could get cut from the cast and would finally get to leave.
That’s what my morning ritual was for, actually. Every morning I would wake up, walk around a bit, then try to kill myself. It pretty much replaced breakfast, actually. Whereas all the ponies would be busy with their daisy sandwiches or hay fries or whatever the hell it is they eat, I’d be hanging out on a roof ready to jump. It never worked, of course. If it had, then I certainly wouldn’t be telling this story. My leading theory as to why it never worked was that you can’t kill something that isn’t alive. That would be like trying to make water wet.
Oh, there’s another one of those facts about me that I suppose I should tell you. You see, I’m kind of a ghost. Well, there isn’t a “kind of” to it, I’m definitely a ghost.
You can cut that out right now, I can tell what is going through your mind. I have never once worn a sheet with two eyeholes, thank you very much. I also have legs, and I am pretty sure that no one has ever walked through me, nor I through anything.
That was one of the more amusing aspects, really. I could stand in the middle of a busy street, and all of the ponies would just walk around me. None of them would wonder why they suddenly felt the urge to walk around some random patch of grass, they just did. I particularly enjoyed jumping in front of one of them so they didn’t have time to walk around. They would just come to a full stop, shake their head, and then walk around me. It wasn’t much, but I would take all of the interaction I could get. One of my hobbies that spawned from that was trying to stand close enough to make them stop, but not so close that they didn’t have room to fall. I almost had it once, too. Just a few inches back, I figured, and that silly looking grey pegasus would have done a perfect faceplant.
There was a time when I might have thought it mean to do that to someone as innocent looking as her, but enough time without any real interaction has a way of changing people. But hey, I didn’t need anyone else. I was just fine on my own! I didn’t even feel a things when I would watch the ponies have fun. It’s not like I ever wished that I could just join them, even if I was a human and they weren’t.
That sounds believable, right?
As I walked down the large market street, I pondered what I would do that day. I had a few places that I would regularly visit, mostly the homes of ponies that were particularly fun to watch.
“I could go see that white unicorn girl,” I said, a hand to my chin in thought, “It’s always a good time watching her get all melodramatic.”
It had sounded like a good plan to me, for about a minute. I wasn’t far from, and I only use the word because it is the actual name, her boutique. I shuddered just thinking the word. Such feminine terms didn’t sit well with me. Few things effeminate did, actually. But that wasn’t important just then.
What was important was the fact that I nearly missed her walking straight out of the building, carefully styled mane bouncing as she trotted along. When I spotted her as she passed, I nearly tripped over my own feet. I can’t say I was the most coordinated person, so sudden about-faces weren’t exactly my forte. Recovering from my near fall, I jogged to catch up with her. I could hear her humming a peppy tune when as I kept up with her.
“Where is she going?” I said aloud. Not like anyone could hear me, as I constantly reminded myself. We went right back through the town, almost following exactly the path I took to her residence. In fact, as I thought about it, it was the same path.
I was curious as to where she was going, but that didn’t stop me from my usual insults. Somehow, it just seemed more fun when I had one of the ponies picking my targets for me, even if she didn’t know she had a ghost following her and hurling harsh words at innocent ponies she had just greeted. I guess it was just another one of those games I had.
When we turned the corner, I found myself at the very place my morning had started. I wasn’t sure how I missed it when I picked the building for my daily deadly high dive, but I smacked a palm to my face and groaned when I saw the sign.
“It’s her spa day,” I rolled my eyes at the last two words. Spas were some of the most ridiculous places around. All full of steam and mud and shit. Made no sense to me at all, so it was only natural that I found the whole thing ridiculous.
Yeah, I’ll go with that. It sounds better than saying that I just wasn’t paying attention in the least.
“Hello darling,” I heard the pony say. I looked up from my suddenly disinteresting hand, and saw another of those ponies I sometimes watched.
This one was a pegasus, although I can’t say she really took advantage of the fact. The way she hid her yellow face behind that pink mane, as if someone were going to hurt her, always made me suspicious. There was no way anyone could just be that shy, she had to be hiding something.
Maybe it was some horrible childhood act. Maybe it was a horrendous crime. Or maybe it was her asshole of an ex-boyfriend who would eventually trick her into thinking you were cheating on her because he wanted to get back together with her, even though you would never do such a thing .
You know, that sort of thing.
I shook my head to cleanse myself of those thoughts. I looked around, and found that the two mares I was following had disappeared.
“Nice,” I griped, “There goes your entertainment.”
Turning around, I decided to just wander until I found something interesting. Of course, that was somewhat of a gamble. Some days, that little town would be filled to the brim with activity. Like the time that weird dragon-goat-bat-whatever thing had shown up and made everything just plain weird.
Although seeing that one pony running around trying to eat another’s hair because he thought it was spaghetti was pretty funny. It was too bad those six girls had to go and turn the big hodgepodge thing into a statue. For such nice ponies, they certainly had a cruel streak. I mean, turning someone into stone ? At least I could move. The poor guy was probably in some dungeon somewhere, forced to stare at a wall for eternity.
I shuddered at the thought. I certainly would have gone insane if that had happened to me.
I kicked at a pebble, watching as my foot passed over it as per usual. Sighing, I looked up, and found myself standing in front of a small red school house. I always wondered why creatures who didn’t seem too far behind humans technology-wise still relied on a one room schoolhouse system, but I didn’t spend too much time on that thought anymore. I’d had enough of that building some time ago, thank you very much.
You try sitting through day after day of a children’s class and see how you like it. It was the only way for me to learn their language, sadly. They didn’t have a pony version of “Sesame Street” for me to watch, so I found myself in school once more.
It turns out, going back to a first grade class after being a number of years out of high school was definitely the most annoying thing I ever had to suffer. It was bad enough the first time, and at least then I was able to understand the teacher the whole time. But, it was effective. I had managed to learn the pony language, which I later learned was called “Equestrian,” in about a year of classes. I even started to speak it instead of English, just so I could know that if I were somehow heard, the ponies would know that I had just made fun of them.
I turned away from the wretched building. I had learned what I wanted, there was nothing more for me there. Running a hand through my ebony hair, I let out what was another in the countless number of sighs that I would have each day.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and slouched a bit as I walked. Posture, and for that matter my appearance overall, held no importance to me when there was no one able to see it. Oddly enough, though, my hair didn’t grow. I didn’t even have to shave, which was not a problem. I grabbed a lock of my bangs, and pulled it down. I would sometimes check the length, hoping for any difference at all. At least if something about myself changed, it could mean something was happening.
What can I say? I am stupidly optimistic sometimes.
I stopped on a small stone bridge and looking into the water. My reflection looked back, a frown stamped on his face.
“Well, don’t you just look ecstatic,” my voice was dripping with sarcasm. I contemplated jumping into the water, but only for a second. It was pointless, really. For whatever reason, if I were in water it would be like I was walking through air. I figured it was part of the whole “I’m a ghost,” thing.
Lucky for me, my bodily functions pretty much stopped. I was never hungry, I never had to go the bathroom, and I never sweated or secreted various other oils that were responsible for making one dirty. Pretty much, I was completely clean one hundred percent of the time. I bet I didn’t even have the normal bacteria that grows on a human. I couldn’t touch anything else, why would microscopic organisms be any different?
“Look out below!” I heard a boyish voice shout. Looking up, I saw yet another of my usual haunting victims, the one that looked like she was made by a six-year old. I mean, seriously, how could rainbow hair be natural? At least all the other ponies chose one or two colors for their manes and stuck to them. But this one just had to be decked out in rainbows.
I watched the pegasus flared her wings in an attempt to slow her crash landing. It wasn’t very effective, of course. She landed on the smooth cobblestone with a loud smack, and I was pretty sure I heard a sickening crack as well.
Casually, I strolled to her side. I kneeled down and looked at her as she groaned. Yup, she had definitely broken something. Her right wing, to be specific. Smashed it right into the side of the bridge when she fell. I was a bit surprised I didn’t see any bone sticking out, considering the angle at which she fell.
I stood back up and leaned against the stone wall of the bridge. I’d probably help were I able, but all I could do then was lean back and watch. An incident like that was sure to generate some attention, anyways. I always did my best to stay near the big events, they were generally my only source of entertainment.
“Rainbow!” a southern-sounding voice called out. I turned my head and spotted an orange pony with a blonde mane running up to the injured pegasus. Not far behind her was her purple friend, her horn glowing in that strange unicorn magic.
“Wow,” I mused, “All of my entertainment seems to be coming to me today.” I watched as the unicorn mare enveloped her blue friend in a magenta glow, and levitated her away.
“Don’t worry, Rainbow. We’ll get you to the hospital real quick!” she said, taking off with her stetson wearing companion beside her.
I could have run after them, but I knew their destination. There was no rush, really. So, I swung a leg around and whistled a jaunty tune, my hands in their usual denim home.
“Maybe I should have kept up with them,” I said to myself, “It might be fun to see the nurses and doctors running around like ants.”
My eyes drifted up in thought, and I said “Nah, too much work.”
A number of the townsfolk were chatting as I walked by, and I caught more than one mention of the injured pegasus. I guess in a small town like that I wasn’t the only one seeking entertainment.
It wasn’t long before I found myself standing in front of the hospital, a big red cross the only real indicator that I was even in the right place. I found it peculiar how the ponies used symbols so often, when I knew for a fact that they had a written language. I never bothered to learn how to read it, seeing it as pointless since I couldn’t even pick up one of the books I’d see around.
I waited patiently by the door, until a pony walked in. It was a pain not being able to open doors on my own, but I learned to live with it. Slipping in with the uninteresting pony, I looked around.
“Damn, they already took her to a room,” I cursed. Looking around, I did a quick round of “eenie-meenie-miny-moe,” and landed on a set of stairs. It was a good thing, too. My destination probably wasn’t on the ground floor anyways.
I managed to catch a nurse as she entered the stairwell. Following close beside her, I took in the painfully white walls of the stairwell. Oddly enough, though, when we exited on the third floor, it wasn’t so white. In fact, it was carpeted. I wondered why a hospital would be carpeted. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, considering the many possible bodily fluids that could be spilled.
“I feel sorry for the janitor,” I quipped, catching up to the pink-maned mare I was following. Lucky for me, most of the doors were open. It was near the end of the hall that I found my target. She was wearing a typical hospital gown, and her injured wing was completely wrapped up. I walked in, just as the two who had brought her to the hospital walked out.
“We’ll be right back, y’hear? Just gotta go get the others so we can all visit.” I chuckled as the orange pony stumbled before almost walking into me. Shaking her head, she walked around me, only inches from her unicorn companion.
“Why did you do that?” I heard the other ask as they walked away. I didn’t bother to hear the rest, instead choosing to walk in and lean on the windowsill.
Looking at the floor, another one of the odd quirks of my situation came up. It was odd, but I didn’t cast a shadow. I could feel the light on my body, and I could clearly see it, but it was like at the same time it hit me it went right through me. I had given up trying to answer the plethora of questions that arose from that phenomena a long time ago. It didn’t stop me from marveling at the fact, though.
I heard a frustrated sigh from the pony in the bed. “I’m bored already,” she complained, "I hope Twilight gets back with that book soon."
“You don’t know the meaning of the word bored, sister.” I returned. She didn’t reply.
A short while passed in relative silence, only her occasional bored groans breaking it. But just as I considered leaving, the room was suddenly full of technicolor ponies.
“The whole gang’s here,” I noticed. It was just another one of those strange coincidences that all six of the ponies who managed to produce the most entertainment were also close friends. That made for some especially fun times when they all got together. I don’t think I will ever stop laughing when I remember the purple one’s insane episode. I mean, seriously? She went that crazy over one late assignment? I turned in half of my school work late, and I was just fine.
I tuned out their conversation as soon as it turned into repeated assurances that the injured pony would be out of the hospital in no time. Instead, my thoughts turned toward the final member of the group, also known as the one I spent the most time around.
I realize that it is odd that someone like me would willing be near a pony so, well, pink . But she also provided some of the best entertainment. One of my favorite memories was the time that she thought her friends had abandoned her, and went crazy. I mean, come on, “Madame LeFlour?” that’s comedy gold right there.
Is it bad that I find ponies losing their minds so amusing? Maybe I just liked seeing someone else act like I felt. I guess you could say I was living vicariously through them. Great, now I feel like an upper-middle class parent.
There was another reason that I sought out the pink bundle of laughter, though. Out of all the ponies I had stalked in all of my time in Equestria, she was the only one who ever came close to acknowledging my presence. I was never entirely certain if she was talking about me, but sometimes she would say hello to a room that was empty. It was foolish, but sometimes I would hope that she somehow knew I was there, and would just say that in hopes of catching me. My feelings were conflicted, though. I found myself going over them once again in that hospital room, as the six mares conversed nearby.
If she were able to see and hear me, then at least I would finally have someone to talk to. It would be nice having some competition for “Top Conversationalist,” after all. And it would certainly alleviate some of the boredom. It would be nice to have at least something like the friendship I saw among those ponies.
But at the same time, I had trouble trusting her. I had trouble trusting anyone, really. Long story there, I generally don't talk about it.
Nonetheless, though, I found myself wishing for someone to talk to. It never did me any good, not once in my whole afterlife. But that time, I found myself doing something different. Usually, when I would make a wish like that, I’d whisper it under my breath as I looked straight down. But that time, I turned and looked directly into the sun. Sure, it hurt my eyes, but I didn’t care. I had heard more than one pony make a wish to their princess Celeste, or something like that. I don’t know what possessed me to give it a shot, but I tried anyways. I knew that she somehow controlled the sun, so I figured that talking to it held to possibility of reaching her. Well, it made sense in my lonely head at least.
“Dear Princess Celeste,” I whispered and stopped. “No, that’s not right. Her name ends differently.” I pursed my lips in thought for a second, before the light flicked on in my head.
“Dear Princess Celestia,” I corrected, “I wish that I had someone to talk to.”
I gazed into that fiery orb in the sky for a second long, before tearing my eyes away and enjoying the dancing spots in my vision. I turned around, and found that the ponies had cleared out, leaving one pegasus now firmly engaged in a book.
“Hey,” I shouted, “Can you hear me?”
I didn’t receive an answer. Nothing at all to signify that she had even heard me. I scrunched up my face in frustration for a moment, hoping that I could project my emotions onto her somehow. She casually flipped a page in her book.
“Looks like another failure.” I looked down. Remember when I said that none of my bodily functions still happened? Well, that didn’t extend to everything. Despite how much I told myself that I just did not care, there was still a burning feeling of sadness in my stomach.
“It’s too bad the window is closed,” I sighed, “I could really use a dive right now.”
Instead, I undid the snaps on my jacket, revealing the plain white t-shirt underneath. Feeling a particularly bad mood coming on, I flipped the avian pony a bird of my own as I walked out of the room. I heard her laugh, presumably a character in her book had just made a rather funny joke.
Once outside of the hospital, I looked around. “Nope,” I sighed, spotting nothing but average ponies going about their business, “Looks like the universe has decided today is going to be another boring day for me. Would a little variety hurt, universe?”
Perhaps it was because I had been out of touch with society for so long that I forgot one of the cardinal rules of bad situations. Listen close, little ones, because this is a big one. Never, and I mean never should you challenge the universe. ‘Cause honestly, the universe is a cold hearted sadist. I suspect that were I ever to meet whoever was in charge of everything, I’d first punch them in the face, then give them a high five for all the hilarious thing they did.
Right then though, I was mostly just grumpy. Maybe a bit hopeful, too. It could be said that it takes a lot longer than I had spent there to truly kill that little spark of hope. Though for as often as my hopes were raised then thoroughly dashed, I often found myself wishing I could throttle that Pandora bitch.
I looked up from my musings, and found myself in the main market district. A big red earth pony stepped around me, shaking his head as he did. Hopefully, he hadn’t done something funny while I wasn’t looking.
But that wasn’t important just then. What was important was finding some way to occupy my time, other than another one of my “hardcore parkour” attempts. One can never really appreciate just how hard running and jumping is until they’ve fallen from more than a few two-story buildings.
I scratched my chin in thought, wondering just where I could go. I had already seen what three of my usuals were doing, and it was safe to assume that the yellow and white ones would go right back to their spa day.
I had tried haunting the orange one a few times, to little entertainment. Although, maybe I could have some fun trying to make apples fall on her head again. I may not have been able to actually grasp anything, but I had plenty of time to figure out loopholes in my situation. On second thought, I decided against that option. I had never had much success anyways, since every time I tried the apple just refused to move in the slightest.
That left me with two options. I could either sit in a library all day and watch the purple one and her pet gecko-thing work, or I could go watch the pink one’s special brand of chaos as she worked in the christmas-snack themed bakery.
The choice was clear, “Maybe those babies will do something funny again.”
Author's Note
Been sitting on this one for a long time. Figured I'd put it out there already. I'd like to continue it, so let me know if you liked it and think it should go on!
My New Friend is... Pink?
It wasn’t long until I was at the bakery. When I first saw it, I honestly thought it was a shop based around christmas time snacks. I later found out that it was a sweets shop, and thereafter decided that if I ever had the chance I would chew out the owners for false advertisement.
Maybe I was a bit annoyed that I couldn’t actually eat any of the food they made. I’ll admit, my sweet tooth was legendary in certain circles. But at least I could stare at the food and reminisce about my days of sugar binges.
“Maybe I’ll spend some time with the snickerdoodles today.” I slipped in the door behind a customer, thoughts of delicious cookies on my mind. Once inside, I spent far longer than I should have drooling over the displays of sweets. All the while I was chanting “It’s just not fair!” in my mind. And it wasn’t either, being so close yet so far from all those wonderful snacks.
Eventually I tore myself away, and looked around. One of the owners was behind the counter, and I heard the noises of baking coming from the kitchen. Deciding that it was boring out in the shop area, I walked to the kitchen.
“Yeah, because your figure is so great already,” I said to a particularly pudgy pony as I passed her looking at a cake in the display I was behind. Now, when I said that I most certainly did not expect any sort of response. Although, maybe I should have been ready, having pretty much asked for it.
But nonetheless, I was caught about as far off guard as anyone has ever been when I heard a bubbly voice say “Hey, that wasn’t very nice! You should apologize, meanie!”
I could have just ignored it like I usually would have. As far as I knew, there was no way I had been heard. But it was the fact that it had come almost immediately after I had insulted the pony that made me think it was directed towards me.
Or maybe it was the angry looking pink pony standing on the case about a foot from my face giving me the stink eye. That seemed a bit conspicuous.
“Pinkie, dear, who are you talking to?” the blue mare behind the counter asked.
Rather than reply, the peppy pony gasped and dashed back into the kitchen. She peeked out of the door a second later, and motioned with a hoof for me to follow her.
Rather than do so, I stood still in shock. After what had just happened, I can’t say I would have been too surprised if a fish swam by in the air, and chastised me for my poor impression of one of his brethren.
She gave me an urgent look, and motioned even harder. In a daze, I moved forward passed to the confused proprietor of the bakery. I walked through the door that she held open for me, and turned around when I heard it shut. Once again I found my vision obscured by a pony standing on the kitchen counter to match my height.
The look on her face confused me, it seemed to be halfway between angry and excited. I started to get nervous as her gaze bore into me, actually. Which, on top of the shock I was already feeling, caused a level of panic that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I started to look for an exit, the need for some space becoming critical. Of course, I found none that I could actually use. I was sure that I had never before been more angry about being a ghost.
My breath started to come in short gasps, as I became desperate for an exit. My eyes darted around the room, hoping to find something open. I had just about resigned to my fate when my salvation appeared in the shape of a blue pony.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?” she asked, holding the door open.
When my would-be captor looked away, I made a break for the open door. I heard her shout “Hey!” as I jumped over the cashier’s counter and ran through the door beside the very pony that I had insulted to start the mess I was in.
I ran through the streets of Ponyville, no clear destination in mind. All I knew was that I had to get away from that crazy pink pony that had somehow heard me. The thought occurred to me that I should be ecstatic. I had finally been heard, I wasn’t so alone anymore! At the time, though, I was too busy panicking.
Hey, you try having an unchangeable fact of your existence changed, then see how you feel!
I finally came to a stop outside of the town. Looking around, I saw flowing fields of apple trees, and not much else. I chose a particularly tall tree, and scrambled into its branches to hide. Finally taking a moment to catch my breath, I let my mind catch up to my body.
Yeah, sometimes there is a reason your mind stops trying to keep up.
“What do I do? What do I do? I don’t know!” I shook my hand through my hair, my face still showing the fear and anxiety I was feeling. In retrospect, I think there was a little bit of me that was surprised that praying to pony god actually worked .
“Okay, just calm down me. Just calm down .” I took a few deep breaths while looking down, and actually started to feel it work.
“Hey!” a voice shouted from in front of me. My head snapped up, along with the rest of my body. This had the unsurprising effect of causing me to lose my balance on the branch. As I fell, I saw the very same pony I had just run from sitting in the tree. I hit the ground to the same result as every other time I had met it face first.
Upon seeing me fall, she climbed to the tree faster than I thought possible, and was at my side in an instant. “Oh no! I’m so sorry! I just meant to chew you out for being a meanie, not hurt you! Wait, can ghosts even get hurt? Are you hurt?”
I’d like to say I took everything in stride, and calmly sat up and talked to her. I’d also like to say I didn’t freak out again, and try to run away, only to slam face first into the tree.
It’s too bad I can’t say either of those things.
Once again on the ground, I heard the pony doing something I didn’t quite expect.
“What are you laughing at?” I turned to face her, my fear replaced with anger.
“It’s just so funny!” she said, pointing a hoof at me. “You aren’t hurt or anything, so I don’t need to worry. But it was so funny how you just jumped up and tried to run again, only to hit that tree. Then you were all like ‘oops’ as you fell, and I just couldn’t stop laughing!” Her explanation included a lot of exaggerated gestures.
It took all of that to finally make my mind ask the obvious question. It was as if a light bulb had turned on over my head when the thought finally struck me. I looked up, and saw her holding a lamp upside down over my head, somehow turned on.
“What are you doing?” The mystery of the lamp seemed more important at the time.
“Oh, I saw that you had an important thought, so I turned on a light bulb over your head,” she replied.
“Okay, new question. Where did you get the lamp?” I shielded my eyes from the light, even though it didn’t do me any good.
“I keep lamps all over Ponyville, in case of lighting emergencies,” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I raised a hand, a question on my lips. A second later, I lowered my hand and snapped my jaw shut. There really wasn’t much to say to that.
Finally, I snapped out of the confusion, and asked the important question. “You can see me? And hear me?”
I don’t know where the lamp went, but when she sat down in front of me it was gone. I’m pretty sure my mind forcefully ejected that question at the time, just to keep me on track.
“Of course I can see and hear you, silly! Why shouldn’t I be able to?” I don’t how she did it, but she made me feel stupid for asking that. As if I were the one who had just done something that should have been impossible.
Either way, my mind once again found itself at an impasse. I didn’t have the slightest clue how I should have been acting, it had just been so long since I had spoken to anyone. So, while my mind went into overdrive, my body decided to screw with me. And by that, I mean I started to twitch in random places.
“Why are you twitching like that?” Pinkie said, leaning in close and turning her head to one side so one of her eyes was pretty much all I could see. “Do you have a Pinkie Sense too?”
Seeing the way out of it’s dead end loop, my mind latched on to the question and I answered “A what?”
“A Pinkie Sense!” the pink pony leaned back and threw her hooves out, “It’s where you randomly have a feeling or twitch in your body, which means something is about to happen!”
I was slowly forming a plan of action in my mind as she tapped a hoof to her chin and said, “But wait, you’re not Pinkie, I’m Pinkie! So what would it be called for you? Ghostie sense? No, that just sounds funny.” She giggled then, a sweet little sound that I had heard many times before.
I had narrowed my choices down to “Try to run away again,” and “Try to scare her off,” when I heard her ask another question. What she asked struck me, it was something that I hadn’t heard anyone say in a long time, at least not to me.
“You want to know my name?” I asked, looking confused.
“Well, of course, silly! How can I be your friend if I don’t know your name?” Pinkie flashed me a smile after she finished, then looked at me expectantly.
This mare had to have some sort of supernatural ability to stun people by speaking, there was no other explanation for it. So, instead of Plan A, or even Plan B, I wound up improvising.
“Charlie,” my lips seemed to move of their own volition. I almost reached up and smacked them, but I figured with Pinkie nearby doing so might cause some sort of rip in time and space due to excess insanity.
My logic was a little skewed at the time.
“Charlie?” Pinkie said, tilting her head, “That’s a funny name. You must not be from around here.” She smacked her forehead with her hoof then, adding “Of course you’re not from around here, you’re a ghost! So, where are you from?”
It all felt like a trance at the time. "Where am I from?" I heard myself speak, as though outside my not-body. Idly I wondered if I even could] have an out of body experience considering my condition. "You want to know where I'm from?"
Pinkie giggled then, presumably at what I said. A pony was finally reacting to me, and her reaction was giggles. I was pretty sure that in some far flung corner of my mind, I was just barely processing the events occurring, but most of it was just that noise you hear when a record skips over and over.
"You're funny Charlie, I like you." Pinkie smiled at me. A pony smiled at me, and my brain-hamster continued to sit stunned on its wheel.
I sat in uncomprehending silence still, my brain caught on a fatal exception. I knew I should answer, but once I finally caught up with the situation it was like my brain just melted out of my ears. If I even had a brain that could melt out of my maybe-ears. I managed to get my mouth moving, but I doubted that accomplished much.
"Oh, we're doing fish impressions again now?" Pinkie said to me, "I bet mine if better than yours! I didn't get a chance to show you earlier!"
Perhaps I had finally managed to catch up to the situation, or maybe Pinkie's special brand of insanity made my brain roll so far into broken that it flipped back to zero, but I managed to speak.
"Earth," I said, "The United States of America, on the planet Earth." I could feel my heart racing, and I chose to ignore the metaphysical implications of a ghost's heart racing.
The pink ball of energy stopped mid "Glub," her mouth still open in an "Oh" expression. She smiled at me again and said "You're an alien! I knew it!" I watched in shock as she started to bounce around, a lightning-fast stream of words coming from her mouth. As near as I could tell, she was excited, probably because she met an alien. An alien who was also a ghost. And she was the only one who could see him.
I only wish my mind had that kind of processing power, I was still stuck on "Someone can hear me!" Despite that, I managed to shake my head and set my mental breakdown aside for just a moment.
"How is it that you can hear me?" I managed to ask the one question I realized I needed answered more than anything. Weird pink ball of insanity and fluff or not, if she could hear me, maybe someone else could.
Pinkie ceased her ramble and sat in front of me. She placed a hoof on her chin, and her face scrunched up as though in deep thought. "I don't know," she said after just a moment, "I guess I'm just lucky."
I had a reply in mind, I was sure, but before I could speak I was interrupted by the mare. "Or maybe you're the lucky one, hmm?" she said, waggling her eyebrows at me and gently jabbing an elbow into my side. Well, she tried at least. "Now you've got the best party-pony in Ponyville as your friend, after all. " She gave me a little smirk, as though she had just delivered a class-A inside joke.
"Umm," I eloquently spoke, "Sure? Whatever you mean by that, I guess?"
Pinkie raised a hoof, as though to speak some more, before those giant blue eyes of hers shrunk much more than I thought should be possible. With a great gasp and her trademark levitation, Pinkie exclaimed "I need to throw you a party! A ghost party! This is gonna be great!"
And just like that, she was gone, a small gust infused with the sent of cotton candy left in her wake. I sat wide-eyed at the base of that tree still, unbelieving. I placed a hand over my face and exhaled. This was really happening. I finally had someone to talk to, and it was the pink one of all ponies.
I looked up at the sun. "Why not that big red guy, or the little dragon dude, or something? Why her?" I looked away quickly before I burned my kinda-sorta-not really eyes. "Why the pink one?"
I stood and brushed myself off, purely out of habit of course. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I needed somewhere away from the pink-who-shall-not-be-named. I hadn't even taken a single step though when she returned just as quickly as she had left.
"I forgot to tell you to be at Sugar Cube Corner tonight! Okay? Okay! See you then!" Her sentence came out as more of a single word than a spoken line, it was spoken so fast. And then once again, she was gone.
"Sugar... Cube... Corner?" I muttered, "Is that the name of the place she works at?" I'd like to say that after as long as I had spent in Equestria, I wasn't surprised. But I was, I totally was.
"I don't think any of this horse stuff is ever going to make sense."
Author's Note
Here it is everyone, chapter 2! I hope it's everything you hoped and dreamed for.
I won't be updating next week because finals (
Stay cool!
Trees. Lots of them. Like, all the trees, right in front of me. The Everfree Forest, to be exact. I had seen it before, but I had never really gone in. I suppose when I think about it, I hadn’t really left Ponyville at all since I had arrived. The idea never seemed to have occurred to me, there was no need to. Not like anywhere else in this pony-land could be any better after all.
Also, the only other place I’d heard mentioned was called Canterlot . No, thank you, I am actively trying to avoid the horse puns.
However, I found myself in a bit of a bind. My choices came down to fleeing into this giant forest and never see these ponies again, or going to the pink one’s party to try and socialize.
“Socializing,” I shuddered, “I thought I was rid of that.” I never enjoyed having to spend time around too many people at once. It was simply too much hassle, trying to keep all these people in mind and not offend anyone.
I know, lord forbid that I ever do anything offensive. I used to care about social norms and practices too, you know!
I took a deeper look at the forest, what was likely to be my new home. I didn’t see much from where I was. Lots of trees, mostly. Some other various plants, a squirrel once or twice. “Yup,” I said to myself, “That sure is a forest alright.”
Shrugging, I took a step towards the Everfree. Away from Ponyville and it’s special brand of insanity. Away from the only familiar place I had in all of Equestria. Away from all my little games and rituals. Away from the horror of having to attend a party thrown by a pony.
Away from the only living thing that I had spoken to in months.
I shook my head vigorously. “No,” I scolded myself, looking down. “It would just turn out to be a shit-storm anyways. You don’t want to deal with that girl.”
I looked back up and took my first steps into the Everfree Forest. As soon as my ghostly foot fell past the first tree, I heard a great, booming roar. It echoed throughout the trees and plants, and washed over me like a loudspeaker at a concert. In fact, if I weren’t a ghost I am pretty sure my hair would have been blown back.
“On second thought, maybe I will go to that party. If it does go bad I can still run away afterwards.” I spun on my heel and calmly walked away at a brisk pace.
I did not run. No sir, not me. Besides, it’s not like anything could hurt a ghost like me. Nope, I wasn’t scared in the least.
“Well, looks like I can’t escape the pink after all.” I sighed, kicking one foot at a stone. It didn’t budge. Grumbling, I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I walked back into Ponyville proper. Looking to the clear sky with exasperation, I added “Why did she have to be pink though? Why the pink one?”
I swear I heard laughing in the distance. The sky cared not for my petty troubles, it seemed.
Rubbing my eyes, as pointless as it was, I shook my head and kept moving. I had some time to kill and moping around in the middle of the town wasn’t on my list of things to do today. That was a few days ago, just after yet another failed suicide attempt. I’m glad everyone reading this knows I’m a ghost, otherwise that sentence would likely come off as rather… alarming, to say the least.
As I ambled along, I found myself in a park. It didn’t seem all that special, but at the least I could have a seat and enjoy my new favorite pastime. Everyone can enjoy a little people watching from time to time. Or, well, pony watching as the case may be. I flopped down onto a wooden bench, stretching my arms upwards and out, settling them on the back on the bench and crossing my legs. Turning my head, I saw a pony sitting on the bench next to me.
I sniffed and jerked my head upwards a little. “‘Sup?”
The pony, a rather plain brown stallion, didn’t respond.
“Well that’s just rude is what that is.”
And so my day passed, sitting on a park bench, waiting for what I assumed to be my inevitable doom by partying.
The sun had nearly set, lighting the sky in orange and the dark blue of the night. Standing quickly, I placed my hands on my back and stretched out.
“Time to go then, my friends,” I said to a pair of ponies trotting by. They didn’t respond.
“Yeah, well, at least I don’t have a chair tattooed on my ass!” I shouted as they remained oblivious. With a sigh, I dropped the pretense that anyone could actually hear me. As much fun as it was getting to insult ponies at my leisure, it did get old after a while. Only so many ways you can make fun of a horse until you start repeating yourself, after all.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets and began walking towards the bakery, and the party within. I had to wonder to myself how she managed to set up a party for a ghost like me. I had of course seen a few of her parties in the past, they were rather hard to miss. I assumed this party would be at least somewhat similar to those, lots of childish decorations, with cake and punch and all that.
I shuddered, “Dear god, no.”
Or maybe the only pony there would be herself. She was throwing a party for a ghost after all, so maybe she only invited other ghosts. Of which I could only assume there were none. That wouldn’t be so bad actually, I’d only have to put up with a single pony. Even if that pony was Pinkie Pie.
“I really must be at the end of my rope to actually be going to this thing.” I looked up at the evening sky, and shook my head slightly. I picked up the pace a bit, knowing that I should at least try to play nice with the one and only pony I could talk to.
Before I knew it, I was there. Standing outside of the ridiculous not-gingerbread house, I saw lights on, and I could hear the jumbled sounds of a party. It was time alright, time to face my inevitable end. Or, well, a mildly unpleasant experience at the least.
I stepped up to the door and grabbed the handle, holding still for just a second. I took a deep breath, and turned the knob. Or so I thought. When I moved my arm and the door didn’t move, I remembered an important part of my condition.
“Doors,” I grumbled, “My mortal enemy.” I was honestly disgruntled for a moment before I realized that if I couldn’t get inside, I had a valid excuse not to attend the party.
I made a quick about face and started walking away, whistling a little tune and doing my best to act nonchalant. I didn’t get to deal with the pink pone tonight after all, lucky me. Even if I did have to reassure myself that I was sincerely happy to get away.
I was not far from the bakery when I heard the door open and light from inside flooded over me. I froze in place, and turned around slowly.
“There you are!” she said in her high pitched voice. “I almost thought you weren’t coming until I saw you at the window! Then I saw you start to walk away and I got really sad for a bit until I remembered that ghosts can’t open doors and I was all like ‘Silly Pinkie! You almost kept out the guy you threw the party for!’ so I came and opened the door real quick so you could come in!”
I stared at her and blinked, slowly catching up to the breakneck pace at which she spoke. I stammed out a few incomplete words and gestured behind me, before realizing it was hopeless. I hunched forward a bit before stiffening my back and marching inside to take my licks like a real man.
Once I was inside, Pinkie closed the door and held out a hoof towards me. “Here he is, everypony!” she shouted to the whole room, “Charlie, the ghost!”
The ponies all stared at me, confused and in some casing smiling a little bit as if they’d heard a joke. None of their gazes met my eyes though, since to them I wasn’t there after all.
I stared back, and feeling an old social reflex I slowly rose one hand and waved. “Um, hello there.” None of them responded, they only stared my way for a few seconds more before shaking their heads and going back to the party.
“Huh,” Pinkie scratched her chin, “I honestly thought you’d make a bigger splash than that. Oh well! I’m gonna go make sure everyone is having fun, you just go make friends, okay Charlie?”
“Um, sure, you do that Pinkie.” I replied, uncertain of what to really do. It seemed that she had forgotten that no one else could see me. The pony was off in a pink blur before I could say anything else, and I found myself surrounded by ponies who couldn’t see or hear me.
“What else is new?” I muttered, walking over to a table laden with drinks and desserts. At least I could always appreciate a good cake, even if I couldn’t actually eat it. I noticed then that all of the treats on the table were in the shape of cartoonish ghosts. Exactly like one might see on earth, floating sheets with two black circles for eyes. The only difference was they had muzzles just like a pony would.
“I don’t know whether or not to be insulted by this,” I muttered, watching as a couple of earth pony mares came up and grabbed a slice of the ghost-cake.
“You know,” one mare said to the other, taking a small bite of her cake, “If Pinkie wanted to throw a party, she didn’t need to make up an excuse. And the way she introduced the ghost like it was actually here, I think she may have finally lost it.”
“I think you’re right,” the other replied, “What kind of name is Charlie anyways? That mare needs to stop being such a weirdo.”
“Well, at least her angel food cake is still good.” The two mares walked off laughing to each other, and I felt somewhat ill at ease.
I may not have liked the bubbly pony, but Pinkie Pie seemed nice. I narrowed my eyes at the two, and grumbled darkly. It seemed girls were just as back stabbing on this world as they were on Earth.
“Hey!” I jumped at the now familiar voice of Pinkie Pie, “What’s with the grumpy face? Don’t you like the party?”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Pinkie Pie,” I said, still not looking up, “You do remember that I am a ghost right? And that none of these people can see or hear me?”
With a massive gasp that literally lifted her off of her feet, Pinkie Pie exclaimed “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I totally forgot, I’ve never thrown a party for a ghost before!” She looked around in a hurry before dashing off into the mass of ponies again. I didn’t get even a second to breathe before she returned, this time with a passenger in tow.
“Pinkie Pie,” the white unicorn she was pushing along said, “I must insist you stop this! Where are you taking me anyways?”
“I’m sorry Rarity, it’s just you really need to meet my new friend here! You’re really good at meeting new people, almost as good as me, and I really need the best for this one!” Pinkie responded, pushing Rarity along with her head.
“Yes, well, darling, if you wanted me to meet somepony new you only had to ask! All of this pushing and shoving was entirely unnecessary.” The two stopped next to me, and the unicorn gently brushed her coat with a hoof, “Now, where is this pony?”
“He’s right here, Rarity, and he’s not a pony,” Pinkie Pie gestured to me, “He’s a, uh… what are you again?” She turned to look at me.
“I’m a human,” I slowly replied, doing my best not to seem too displeased. It was weird trying to fit back into the old social norms, and my brows were likely still furrowed at the sight of the fashion horse.
“The most girly one of them all,” I thought to myself, “Figures she’d pick this one.”
“He’s a human, and a ghost,” Pinkie explained to her friend, “This is Charlie, the po-er person I threw the party for.”
“Oh, er,” Rarity stammered, looking at the blank space that was me, “Charmed?”
“Pinkie, what exactly do you expect me to do here?” I raised an eyebrow at her, “It’s not like we can talk to each other.”
“I know, silly, that’s why I’m here! I’ll be your translator, from ghosty-ese to Equestrian! I’ll just repeat anything you say and that way you can talk to ponies. Easy as pie! Pinkie Pie, to be exact!” Pinkie giggled a little at her own joke, and I rolled my eyes. A thought struck my though as Rarity began to give her friend a somewhat alarmed look.
“So, Pinkie, you’ll repeat everything I say?” I asked her.
“Yup! Just leave it to me, you’ll make new friends in no time!” Pinkie puffed her chest out in pride.
“Right,” I smirked, “Okay then. Repeat this.”
What came next is not something I should repeat again. It was likely the longest string of expletives I had ever uttered, lacking any real structure, simply going for the most massive offensiveness I could achieve. In the back of my mind I knew I shouldn’t antagonize the closest thing I had to a friend, but I couldn’t help myself. The opportunity was simply too good.
As the crass and despicable words came out of my mouth, Pinkie’s expression slowly morphed from excitement to horror as I continued. By the end, her mouth had almost literally hit the floor, her ears had fully flattened against her head, and the blush on her cheeks was threatening to envelop her whole face.
I stood back and smirked, while Rarity slowly reached a hoof over and touched Pinkie Pie’s shoulder. “Darling, is everything alright?” she asked.
With a loud snap Pinkie’s mouth shut entirely, and she began vigorously shaking her head up and down. “Yup, everything is fine! Nothing at all wrong here! My ghost friend didn’t just say the nastiest thing I ever heard! No sirree! Nope! But I do need a short word with him, we’ll be right back!”
With that, Pinkie Pie once again managed to shake my world as she put a hoof on my back and shoved me away, chuckling uneasily and doing her best to pretend everything was fine for Rarity.
Away in a corner, Pinkie turned to me as I stood frozen in shock. “Now listen here, mister!” she said, standing on her hind legs and putting a hoof on my chest threateningly, “You may have been alone for a long time, but that was really mean! I don’t care if your mom let you talk like that, but when you’re around Pinkie Pie you talk nice, got it?”
My eyes looked at the angry ball of pink in front of me, and I nodded shakily. She was touching me, actually touching me. No other pony had managed to do so, nor had I touched anything other living thing.
“Good! Now, we’re gonna go back and you’re gonna play nice, got it?” she looked me directly in the eye and narrowed her own, doing her best to be menacing.
“Yes ma’am,” I squeaked, my mind still overloaded.
Pinkie Pie once again shoved me, this time back to the quite confused unicorn waiting for us.
“Pinkie Pie dear, are you alright?” Rarity asked as we returned, “At first I thought you were just being silly when you called this a ‘ghost party,’ but now I’m starting you think you actually believe there is a ghost here.”
“There is a ghost here Rarity, watch. I’ll tell you what he says!” Pinkie then looked to me and made a circle with her hoof, telling me to get on with it.
“I, uh…” I stammered, still coming to terms with the fact that Pinkie could also touch me, “I really like her mane?”
“He says he really likes your mane, Rarity,” Pinkie gave an assured nod and said to me “That wasn’t so hard, now was it Charlie?”
I shook my head, slowly coming back to my senses.
“Darling, I know you believe this ‘Charlie’ is really there, but honestly you sound just like my sister when she doesn’t know what to say.” Rarity gave Pinkie a concerned look and placed a hoof across her forehead, “Are you quite certain you’re not sick?”
The earth pony swatted her friends hoof away and said, “Of course Rarity! I’m fine! I just want to introduce you to my new friend who is also a ghost and not a pony!”
I took a few small steps away as she spoke, her voice rising just a little too close to shouting. Rarity, for her credit, only reared back for a second before giving her friend a concerned look.
“Darling, I think perhaps we should cancel the party and get you to bed. I think perhaps you have been working too hard lately, Celestia knows I become a bit off when I work too much without proper rest.” Rarity began nudging her friend away from me, presumably towards Pinkie’s bedroom.
“What, no! Rarity, I’m fine, really!” Pinkie Pie insisted, “Charlie, help me out here!”
I felt rather conflicted. On the one hand, I could get out of this ridiculous party and go… somewhere. On the other, I could help the only “friend” I had in this world and prove that I exist. Which would probably ruin a lot of the fun I have around town.
Rarity became more forceful in her attempts to move Pinkie, “Pinkie, I must insist that you go to bed! This can not be healthy for you, working so hard that you start seeing things!”
I looked at the door, and saw it still ajar. Pinkie Pie must have left it open when she let me in. I could leave if I wanted, no one would stop me, not with the pink one incapacitated as she was.
Pinkie must have seen me looking at the door, because when I looked back at her and saw what may have been the most pitifully sad face I had seen in a long time. Her eyes were huge, and I swear I saw tears building up. Her lip began to tremble ever so slightly as she saw me contemplate ditching her, and more than that making her look like a fool in front of the whole party.
“Charlie,” she said in a pleading tone, “Please.”
I placed a hand on my forehead and shook my head. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” I muttered, “I hardly even know this horse.”
I took a few purposeful steps towards Rarity and Pinkie Pie, and said, “Pinkie, tell her that I know the book she reads when she thinks no one is looking. I got stuck in her boutique one night and I saw her reading it after she closed.” Pinkie had managed to stop Rarity at that point, so I leaned down and whispered the title in her ear.
Pinkie’s eyes widened, and a devious grin crossed her face. She clearly knew what book I was talking about. I had seen the cover while the prissy white pony was reading it. There was a broad pegasus stallion aboard a ship, a tri-corner hat on his head and a rather fancy coat open deeply down his chest. On his right was a unicorn mare in a fine dress, clinging to him like he was a life preserver.
Yeah, I knew a trashy romance novel when I saw one.
Pinkie Pie whispered in Rarity’s ear, and the unicorn suddenly flinched back as if struck. “Pinkie Pie,” she hissed, “How could you possibly know about that? I never take that book out of my bedroom!”
“Charlie told me! He said he got stuck in your boutique one night and he saw you reading it!” Pinkie was back to her normal, bubbly self at this point. I actually let out a breath I barely realized I had been holding, actually feeling relieved that I had gotten Pinkie out of the jam she was in.
“Yes, well,” Rarity dusted herself off and looked around suspiciously, “While I still find it hard to believe that this ghost is real, I think you should at least tell your friend he should learn to respect other’s privacy.”
“Silly, you just told him yourself, he’s right over there!” Pinkie pointed at me over Rarity’s shoulder.
“Right,” Rarity composed herself, “I think perhaps it would be best if we discussed this further tomorrow. For now, I shall go and enjoy this lovely party.” With that, the unicorn walked off, still looking somewhat shaken.
“Well,” I said, “That could have gone better.”
“Yeah, I guess, but hey, now Rarity knows you’re real! That’s two friends including me!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, somehow holding up both front hooves, “And at this rate you’ll have a ton of friends in no time! I still have to introduce you to the others, too! Like Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, and oh! Twilight is gonna love you! Flutter-” I silenced Pinkie with a hand around her muzzle, although she still continued out of the corner of her mouth.
“Pinkie,” I gave her a hard look as she continued to mumble incoherently, “I think perhaps it would be best if they waited to meet me. We would want to go through all that we just did with your unicorn friend again, now would we?”
A light lit above Pinkie’s head and her eyes widened.
“Sorry!” I heard someone’s voice say, “I bumped the light, but it’s back on now!”
Convenient.
“You’re right! Normally a party is the best way to make new friends, but I can see now that you are a special case! Nopony’s gonna believe me right away if I just tell them there’s a ghost in the room, I gotta prove it!” Pinkie sprung into action all of a sudden, becoming a pink blur across the room.
“Sorry folks, party’s over! It was a great time, I’m glad you all made it! Here, have some cake!” Somehow the hyperactive pony managed to put the remainders of the cake in small takeaway boxes for the guests while also running around the room at breakneck speeds.
I stood there and watched in amazement as she somehow cleared the room, ushered all of the ponies out, and returned the whole establishment to normal in a matter of minutes. I blinked, and opened my mouth to question just what I had seen.
“No, Charlie,” I told myself, “I think perhaps you should let this one go.”
Once everything was all said and done, Pinkie turned to look at me and said “Hey Charlie, where do you live anyways? I know you don’t have your own house because you’re a ghost and there aren't any haunted houses in Ponyville. Unless it’s Nightmare Night, but that’s not for a few more months.”
“I uh,” I actually felt a bit embarrassed to admit it, even though reasonably I shouldn’t, “I don’t have a home. I usually just sleep on a park bench.”
Pinkie gasped and placed a hoof over her mouth, before a resolute expression overtook her features. “Right then,” she said, “You’re staying with me tonight! Come on!”
As she began pushing me towards the stairs with that freaky strength of hers, I tried to talk my way out of a night with Pinkie Pie.
“It’s okay, really Pinkie. I don’t get cold or anything, I’m just a ghost! The benches are really quite lovely, I’ll be fine, you just gotta open the door and let me out!”
“Nope, you’re staying with me and that’s final! I’ll get out my sleeping bag and you can have the bed, it’ll be just like a sleepover!” Pinkie sounded a little too excited for this, “I’ve never had a sleepover with a ghost before! We can play board games and tell each other funny stories, it’ll be great! Do ghosts like board games and funny stories?”
“I, uh, yes, of course we do we’re normal except for being dead but that’s not important right now! Really, I’ll be fine out there!” I did my best to convince the mare, but from the way she kept shoving me it wasn’t working.
“Nonsense! What kind of friend would I be if I let a friend sleep outside in the cold! Come on, you’ll love it. Please?”
I looked at her, and immediately wished I hadn’t. The puppy dog eyes, of course. How did I not see it coming. One of the most dangerous weapons in a pony’s arsenal and I walked right into it! What an idiot I was.
“I, buh, I, um,” I spluttered.
The cuteness did not stop, in fact her eyes only got wider. The scientist in me wondered how that was even possible, as her pupils had nearly overtaken her eyes completely.
I hunched forward with a sigh, giving in. “Fine,” I said, looking away, “Let’s go play some board games.”
“Yay!” Pinkie shouted, jumping up and wrapping her hooves around me in a hug, “It’ll be so much fun!”
“Yeah…” I replied with much less enthusiasm as I held the crazy pony, “Fun.”
Later that night, after a few rounds of what I dubbed “Poneopoly,” Pinkie tucked me into her bed and crawled into her sleeping bag on the floor next to me. I suppose I should clarify though, by tucked in I actually meant I was lying on top of the blankets and she simply went through the motions of tucking me in since I didn't want to know what would happen if she put me under a blanket. I'd prefer not to be trapped, thank you very much.
Once she settled in, she turned her head and said goodnight.
Staring at the ceiling and doing my best to ignore my feet dangling off of the edge of the bed, I replied “Goodnight Pinkie, sleep tight, all that.”
Rolling over, Pinkie muttered “Tomorrow’s gonna be lot’s of fun, I bet. Once all of my friends know you’re real, they can be your friends too. It’ll be great.”
My lips drawn tight and my eyes wide, it hit me that I was going to have to reveal my existence to all those crazy horses that were her friends.
“Yeah,” I said in an empty tone, “Great.”
My last thought before sleep that night was a simple “I’m going to go insane like all these weird-ass ponies, aren’t I?”
Author's Note
It's rather difficult to write Pinkie Pie without ending every sentence with an exclamation mark...
Nevermind what I said before. Friends are the worst .
“Come on Charlie, it’ll be fun!” Pinkie whined, pulling at my hand with her two front hooves.
“No Pinkie, it will not.” I gave her a hard stare and refused to budge. It was a losing battle of course, because despite my best effort nothing can stop the Pink if she doesn’t want to be stopped.
“Oh stop being so obstinate Charlie, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it quite a bit. I know I always do.” Rarity added, calmly walking alongside us and Pinkie dragged me. It’s a good thing the rubber on my shoes was no longer fully corporeal, otherwise being dragged along the smooth hospital floor would probably make a particularly awful squeaking sound.
“Rarity,” I deadpanned, turning my head to look at her, “You’re a pony. You’re a member of a race composed entirely of fluff and adorableness. Of course you would like it.”
“Why thank you darling,” Rarity smiled brightly, “I’m always glad to see someone appreciating my looks. Although in the future if you could use ‘Grace and beauty’ instead of ‘Fluff and adorableness’ that would be most appreciated.”
“You can call me fluffy and adorable all you want though!” Pinkie exclaimed through her teeth, still pulling me along against my will. I considered going limp and making her drag dead weight, but somehow I felt too much resistance would only make Pinkie stronger.
“Right,” I changed to a half-lidded stare. “There’s no way I’m getting out of this without being exposed to another Pinkie Pout, is there?”
“Nope!” Both ponies replied at the same time, before giggling in that way only girls can seem to.
I grumbled some choice words under my breath, making sure that Pinkie could not hear me swear. “Fine,” I groused, “I’ll do it.”
“Yay!” Pinkie jumped up and latched onto my front, all four of her legs wrapped around my torso. “I knew you’d say yes!”
“Yeah, well, I only agreed to one hug so get off!” I stared directly into Pinkie’s eyes as I spoke.
Big mistake.
“Aww,” Pinkie moaned as she gave me a point blank pout, “Do I have to?”
My heart raced. My blood pressure rose. I’m sure my face turned red and my veins began to bulge. I strained as hard as I could, putting every ounce of will into telling her to get off. But it was all to no avail. I had once seen the yellow one stare down a bear, but I swear to pony god that Pinkie could one up Shy Horse any day of the week.
“No…” I gave in, letting out the breath I had been holding.
“Yay!” Pinkie buried her head into my shoulder and squeezed even tighter. I just stood there, arms out, unsure of what to do.
“Well go on then,” Rarity motioned to me with a hoof, “Hug her back!”
I will swear to my deathbed that Rarity cast some sort of mind control on me at that moment. There is no way I acted of my own free will after she spoke. Totally. Definitely didn’t want to hug the pony.
But nevertheless, I slowly wrapped my arms around Pinkie’s back and gave her a light squeeze. She made a sound like a squeaky toy and nuzzled my shoulder. I saw Rarity hide a giggle behind her hoof, but honestly I found it didn’t bother me too much. I hadn’t been hugged in literal years , so I couldn’t help but find myself enjoying it as I held Pinkie Pie, even if there was a small part of me still bothered by the whole thing.
Confound these ponies, they’re just too adorable.
“Onward Charlie, to victory!” Pinkie thrust a hoof forward as she rode on my back, having climbed there instead of hopping down after hugging me.
“Pinkie,” I said, absentmindedly following Rarity into Rainbow Dash’s hospital room, “We’re not even going into battle.”
“But we totally are!” Pinkie somehow curled her body around my head to look me in the eyes, “The battle of Get-Rainbow-To-See-You Hill!”
I stared into her baby blues for a moment, blinking a few times. I decided to just roll with it and replied, “That sounds like quite the landmark, if I do say so myself.”
“I know, right?” Pinkie uncurled herself and looked up, “Oh, hi Dashie!”
I looked up myself as she said that, realizing it was no longer just the three of us. Lying on the hospital bed was the blue pegasus I had seen hurt herself just the day before. I had not even realized we were at her room already. I will admit, when Pinkamena Diane Pie is riding you, it is hard to pay attention to anything else.
...Don’t take that out of context.
“Uh, hey there Pinkie Pie,” The infirmed pegasus slowly raised an eyebrow as she looked her friend, “Cool new trick you learned there, how are you even doing that?”
“Doing what?” Pinkie tilted her head, her ears flopping over with her mane.
Rarity surprised me by adding “Whatever do you mean, Rainbow Dash? Pinkie isn’t doing anything strange at all.” I wouldn’t have ever really expected her to play along with a prank so fluidly, especially on the fly.
“What do you mean ‘What do you mean’? Pinkie is floating in mid-air!” Rainbow shoved a hoof out to point at Pinkie, “I know she does some weird things but come on, she isn’t even moving! It’s like she’s sitting on an invisible pegasus or something!”
Pinkie Pie and Rarity both began to snicker, although the pony on my shoulders certainly did a much worse job of hiding it than her more refined friend. I rolled my eyes and thought “Girls,” before deciding it would be fun to join in on the fun. I reached above my head and grabbed Pinkie under her forelegs. I then hefted her in front of me as gently as I could, and grabbed her under her barrel. Seeing that she was catching on to my plan, I slowly walked over to the hospital bed, holding my pink prank partner as steady as I could, and she reached out one hoof in front of her.
Rainbow’s face was incredible and priceless as Pinkie seemed to float over to her like an actor on strings. Her cerise eyes crossed as Pinkie’s hoof neared her nose.
“Boop.” Pinkie said softly as her hoof made contact. The flabbergasted look on Rainbow Dash’s face was finally too much for all of us, and we all broke out laughing, even as Pinkie flopped from my arms onto the floor.
“Oh darling, that was too good. I don’t normally go for your pranks but my oh my that was just perfect!” Rarity said between laughs, while Pinkie rolled around on the hospital floor, laughing like a mad pony.
“Oh ha ha guys,” Rainbow crossed her forelegs and huffed, “Very funny.”
“Don’t be that way Dashie!” Pinkie popped up and placed her front hooves on the bedside, “It was hilarious! Just look at how much Charlie is laughing!” and she thrust a pink hoof in my direction, as I held a hand over my mouth and looked away.
Of course, when Rainbow Dash looked my way all she saw was a boring hospital wall and the air before it. Based on the confused look she gave me, I was starting to wonder how long it would be until her eye started twitching.
My laughing fit slowed to only the occasional chuckle and there it was, that little muscle spasm under her right eye telling me she had just about had enough of whatever was going on.
“Oh come on Pinkie! First you do whatever it is you did when you came in now you’re trying to get me to believe in imaginary ponies? And what kind of name is ‘Charlie’ anyways?” Rainbow gesticulated wildly in frustration, it would seem the prankster was not used to being the prankee.
“Oh but Charlie is very much real, Rainbow Dash. In fact, just earlier Pinkie and I had tea with him. It was quite lovely, actually.” Rarity spoke up with a barely suppressed giggle, clearly enjoying the confusion Rainbow dash was in.
“Not you too, Rarity!” Rainbow dash was nearly shouting at this point, her forelegs crossed in a huff. “You two can’t seriously expect me to believe that this imaginary pony is real!”
“Well of course not silly!” Pinkie waved a hoof in dismissal of the very idea. “Why would I ever try to get you believe that an imaginary pony was real? It’s much more fun if they stay in my imagination, where they can do whatever they want and no one can say anything about it!”
I stared at Pinkie for a moment, blinking rapidly in my own confusion, and just a hint of fear of what horrors lurked in her mind. I glanced at Rarity to find her doing the same, the two of us sharing a look of worry, before silently agreeing not to delve deeper into the subject.
“But Charlie isn’t an imaginary pony! He’s a real ghost!” Pinkie said to her blue friend. “A human ghost, to boot!”
“So, lemme get this straight,” Rainbow said, narrowing her eyes at Pinkie, “You’re not trying to get me to believe that there is an imaginary pony named Charlie in here with us, but instead a ghost of something called a human, who is named Charlie.”
“That right!” Pinkie smiled. “He already met Rarity and we decided to come see you next!”
Rainbow turned her head to Rarity and said “And you believe her? That this Charlie is really here?”
“I do indeed, darling. Charlie may be a tad rough around the edges,” I rolled my eyes as Rarity spoke, “But I believe that he could be quite the gentlestallion if he tried.”
My palm met my face with more than a little force at the word “Gentlestallion,” but I couldn’t help but feel a little flattered nonetheless.
“Hi Charlie, my name’s Rainbow Dash. I like flying and naps, and one day I’m gonna be a wonderbolt! What do you like to do?” I could tell she was joking, of course. Her highly sarcastic tone may have given that away, just a little bit.
“Well,” I decided to play along, even if it was mostly only for my own amusement, “I enjoyed woodworking back home and I guess I always wanted to go on a road trip to see famous bakeries.”
“That. Sounds. AMAZING!” Pinkie Pie suddenly exclaimed, jumped up onto her hind hooves so she could grab my cheeks, “I would LOVE to go on a road trip to see famous bakeries! Think of all the awesome sweets we could try!”
“Yes Pinkie, that’s exactly why I wanted to do it,” I managed to reply in a muffled voice, my face squished between her hooves. “Could you let go of my face now?”
With a quick “Oops, sorry.” Pinkie let me go and turned back to Rainbow Dash, who was now staring at us with an expression I only wish I could have caught on camera.
“You hear that Dashie? Charlie and I are gonna go on a road trip to see all sorts of bakeries and try their sweets! You wanna come too?” Pinkie sounded totally serious with this offer, despite the fact that it was starting to seem lucky that we were doing to this Rainbow Dash in a hospital. Doctors on hand and all that.
“Okay, that’s it,” Rainbow shook her head, “I’m out. I’m throwing in the towel on this one. You win Pinkie, you got me good. I don’t even want to know how you did all that, I just wanna go lie back down and get recovered so I can go flying again.” She then proceeded to do just that, climbing back into her bed and pulling the sheets back over herself in a huff. The three of us, Rarity, Pinkie, and myself, all looked at each other, expecting the other to take over.
“Alright,” Rarity cut in, taking charge, “I think it is past time that we stop joking and solve the issue at hand. Charlie, could you come here please?” She walked over to Rainbow’s bedside and gestured me to follow. I looked to Pinkie, who looked back and me, and I shrugged.
“Okay,” I took the few steps to her side, “What’s the plan?” I was having fun, but I guess it made sense to get this over with before the pegasus gal got too worked up.
“It is really quite simple darling,” Rarity said, her horn beginning to glow. “I may not be as magically talented as Twilight, but I certainly have plenty of practice with my telekinesis.” The powder blue glow from her horn spread around Rainbow, wrapping the pegasus in the magical aura. She then lifted Rainbow about a foot from the bed, and held her there.
“Whoa!” Rainbow exclaimed, having been making a point to ignore us up to this point while still pouting, “Rarity, what are you doing? Put me down!”
“Just a moment Rainbow,” Rarity’s voice came out strained from the exertion of lifting Rainbow with her magic.. “Charlie, be a dear and place your arms beneath Rainbow before I drop her.”
“Uh, okay.” I had an inkling of where this was going, but really I was just going with the flow. I placed my arms beneath Rainbow, ready to catch her. Just in time, in fact, and Rarity cut off the flow of her magic just as I did.
The blue mare landed on my arms, feeling like a strangely dense pillow to my senses. I held Rainbow there while she looked around in confusion. She looked around at Pinkie, then Rarity, and then her eyes lingered on me for just a second. She looked down, seeing her bed beneath her as she hovered in the air. A strange expression came onto her face, her eyes wide and her mouth only just barely open. She suddenly jolted in my arms, and immediately twisted to look me directly in the face. I looked directly into her red eyes, and she stared back into my browns. I was reminded again of just how large pony eyes are, as we continued to look at one another.
“What in the world are you?” she exclaimed, her eyes locked with mine.
I couldn’t help but smirk as I replied. “Hello Rainbow, my name’s Charlie. I enjoy woodworking and I’ve always wanted to go on a roadtrip to see famous bakeries and taste their treats. Oh, and I’m a human. Nice to meet you.”
And there it was, that fish out of water look of utter astonishment as it clicked in Rainbow’s head that Pinkie had been telling the truth.
“You’re the ghost Pinkie was talking about!” She suddenly shouted. I rolled my eyes and raised a single eyebrow at her, giving the mare my best “Well, duh” expression.
“He sure is!” Pinkie’s head suddenly popped over my shoulder to look down at Rainbow. It sure was a good thing these ponies felt so light, otherwise holding two of them would be rather tiring.
“This is so…” Rainbow’s voice drifted off into silence. She took a second to consider her words before finishing. “Awesome! I’m meeting a real ghost! And an alien at the same time! Can you do any cool ghost tricks?”
My one eyebrow rose again and I replied “Cool ghost tricks? Isn’t being a ghost cool enough?”
“I mean, that is kinda cool I suppose,” Rainbow told me, “But like, can you walk through walls, disappear, or fly?”
“No, sorry, I’m not much more unique than other guys.” I shook my head. “Aside from only being visible if you believe I’m here, I’m really not that special.”
“That’s kinda lame, actually,” Rainbow scrunched her face up and rubbed a hoof on her chin, still sitting in my arms. In fact, Pinkie was still on my back and Rarity was just calmly watching the exchange. The moment stood out in my mind as definitely one of the strangest I had thus far witnessed in pony-world.
Deciding to continue rolling with it, I said to the mare in my arms, “Well, I guess I can do a couple things. I kinda repel anything that would hit me, and I’m not hurt by falling, no matter the height. I guess that’s something.”
“I can work with that. You could like, help me with stunts or something. We’ll just have to find a way to get you onto a cloud.” Rainbow seemed to be coping with the situation by refusing to acknowledge the absurdity of it. That, or like Pinkie and Rarity before her, she really just was that willing to accept that I exist.
Strange little creatures, ponies. They are quite trusting, a trait I can’t say is a flaw.
“Well,” I set Rainbow down on the bed, mindful of her bandaged wing, “Mission accomplished girls. What’s next?”
Pinkie started talking about her plans to get the other three of their friends to see me, but I just tuned it out. Instead, I looked around the room and noticed that we had a guest. I don’t know what happened to the poor sucker, but he was in a full body cast with only his eyes uncovered. All I could think was “Oof.”
Then I realized that eye was looking directly at me. I lifted one hand and moved it back and forth, and I watched his eye track it as I did.
I slowly drifted towards him as the girls spoke, and whispered to him “These girls sure are crazy, huh? Standing around talking about a ghost. Like anyone would believe that ghosts are real, right?”
He only continued to stare at me in astonishment.
“Well, that was convenient.” I remarked as the now four of us walked back through Ponyville. “Rainbow being released just as we went to visit her.”
“Indeed it was darling. I was worried we would have to leave Rainbow Dash behind in the hospital.” Rarity said, nodding her head.
“Like I’d miss this,” Rainbow chimed in, “I’d have snuck out of that hospital before I missed how Twilight would react to this!”
“I’m excited too,” Pinkie hopped alongside me as we walked, “But my plan calls for Applejack next. I figure we’re going to need as many ponies as possible to convince Twilight, so we’ll have to wait just a little longer to see her.”
“Oh, alright, I guess that makes sense.” Rainbow didn’t sound too excited about it. “At least Applejack will probably be pretty funny too.”
I shrugged my shoulders and didn’t say anything more. If she took it anything like Rarity and Rainbow Dash did, it should be interesting at the very least.
Author's Note
Well, here it is. Hope you guys like it. See you in like, three years next time or somethin'. Heh heh heh...
Like the Ghost Stories Granpappy Told
“Git back here ya varmint!” Granny Smith yelled as she ran around her yard, brandishing a cast iron pan with her mouth.
“What? No! Why would I do that?” I shouted back to her, running for my (un)life.
“Granny!” shouted Applejack, following close behind the two of us, “What are ya runnin’ ‘round like that for? There ain’t no varmint there!”
Okay. Record scratch, freeze frame. I bet you’re wondering how I got in this mess, huh?
Yeah, me too. Especially since my new so-called “Friends” weren’t doing much to help me. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were on the ground laughing, and Rarity only barely seemed to be holding her composure.
“I could use a little help here!” I shouted at the three as they continued to enjoy my plight. In the back of my mind I felt like I was missing something, but I was too preoccupied not getting mauled by an old lady with a frying pan to worry about that.
“This is why you should never listen to girls,” the little voice in my head says, “They just lead you to this!”
I shook off the negative thoughts and decided to try hopping the fence, hopefully this crazy mare couldn’t jump that high. I neared the wooden barrier and just before I was going to cross it, I grabbed the top of it and leapt over.
Or, well, I tried to leap over. I actually wound up catching my foot on the top of it, then going head over heels into the grass. It turned out though that while I was correct and Granny Smith could not hop the fence, I had also chosen to attempt my great escape about ten feet from the gate. I had barely just gotten back to my feet when I saw that black circle of doom descending upon me, ready to turn me into some sort of double-ghost.
Then the thing just bounced off me like I was made of rubber. Didn’t hurt me at all, just felt like being smacked with a pillow. Granny wound up falling on her own behind from the recoil, her weapon flying from her grip as she did, and I quickly escaped behind Pinkie Pie before she could get back up rather than question it.
“Granny Smith!” Applejack trotted over, “Are you alright? You know the doctor said you shouldn’t be runnin’ around like that!”
“Oh shush Applejack, I’m still as fit as I was when you were born! A little fall ain’t gonna take me down.” Granny was quick to get back on her hooves, “Now help me wrangle up this here pest before he does somethin’ to the apple trees!”
“Why would I even do anything to your apple trees?” I asked incredulously, “What would I even do to your apple trees?”
“Er, well,” the elderly pony seemed to deflate a little “I don’t rightly know. But yer a weird critter wanderin’ around this here orchard, and I can’t just let you alone to do whatever you want!”
“Granny Smith Apple!” Applejack stomped a hoof and shouted, “You cut this out right now!”
Pinkie and Rainbow went “Oooooh!” at each other as the young mare told her grandmother off.
“Don’t you talk to me like that Applejack! I was chasing off varmints back when you was still in diapers! I know when a critter is fixin’ to harm this here farm!” Granny Smith retorted to her granddaughter.
The “Oooooh!” from Pinkie and Rainbow intensified.
“I’m jus’ worried about ya, that’s all!” Applejack’s tone softened, “And I don’t know what you think you’re seein’, but near as I can tell you’ve been chasin’ the air around the yard for the past five minutes now.”
Rainbow’s “Oooh” deflated while Pinkie’s transformed into an “Awww” at the concern her friend had for her grandmother.
“What do you mean I’ve been chasin’ the air? Don’t you see this here creature?” Granny came up to me and jabbed a hoof towards me. “It’s right by Pinkie Pie here fer Celestia’s sake!”
“Pinkie?” Applejack turned to face Pinkie and by extension me, confusion clearly etched onto her face, “Do you know what Granny Smith is talkin’ about?”
“Wellllllll,” Pinkie drew out the word, moving her head from one side to another, “I was gonna tell you about him, but as soon as we got here Granny Smith started chasing him around the yard. We were just walking up to the door when she burst out with that frying pan. It was pretty funny watching her chase him around after then, then he tried to jump the fence and faceplanted, which was even funnier ,” she covered a giggle with her hoof, “and then Granny finally got him but it didn’t work then you two talked a bit and now we’re here!”
Pinkie stood and smiled at the end of her story, the rest of us simply staring at her.
“What Pinkie is trying to say,” Rainbow Dash interjected, now hovering above me, “Is that you can’t see the creature Granny Smith saw because he’s a ghost.”
Applejack looked up at Rainbow and raised a single eyebrow. “Say what now?”
“I know, it sounds crazy,” the pegasus began, crossing her forehooves in front of her chest, “And at first I didn’t believe it myself, but then Rarity picked me up and put me in his arms and suddenly I could see him!”
The farm pony turned her questioning gaze from her blue friend to her white one, the clear question not needing to be asked.
“Yes Applejack, I can see him too. In fact, I do believe that if I do the same for you as I did for Rainbow here, we can solve this problem here and now.” Her horn began to glow and a faint blue aura appeared around Applejack.
“Oh no ya don’t!” The orange mare wriggled out of Rarity’s magical grasp, the aura fading from around her, “I don’t know what has gotten into all of you, but until I get to the bottom of it ain’t no one castin’ no spells on me!”
“Applejack!” Pinkie said, widening her eyes to beg her friend, “Don’t you trust us?”
“Pinkie Pie, you know that I do,” Applejack reassured her friend. “But I also know about all the crazy situations we get ourselves into. Maybe if it were just one of you I’d hear you out but having four ponies all of a sudden tell me they believe in ghosts seems more like somepony is trying to trick us!”
Pinkie, Rainbow, and Rarity all took a moment to look at their friend in shock. They clearly hadn’t thought of that angle, and I really had not either. I couldn’t refute her logic either, it seemed all too plausible, especially considering the misadventures I had witnessed these very mares get into.
“Girls,” I said, “I think we’re going to have to convince her without taking the easy route.” I scratched my chin, thinking, “But I really have no idea how.”
The three of my new friends, as well as Granny Smith, all looked at me as I concentrated. I stood there for a few moments, trying to ignore their stares. Applejack was growing more concerned as time went on. I suppose from her perspective it would appear her friends all just went quiet and started staring off into space. I could see how that would be, well, concerning.
“Well?” It was Granny Smith who broke the silence.
“Awful forward old mare, aren’t you Granny Smith?” I replied, raising one eyebrow in question.
“I’m old! I ain’t got time fer sittin’ around like that!”
“Fair enough,” I conceded with a shrug of my shoulders. “But I was telling the truth. I really have no idea how. I was hoping one of you would have one.”
“Ooh! Ooh! I got one!” Pinkie raised her hoof in the air and wildly flailed it back and forth.
“Uh, sure Pinkie, go ahead.” I spoke slowly, pointing to her like a teacher in a class.
“Alright, so it’s gonna require a clown, several industrial size drums of whipped cream, just a single pie crust, and many, many balloons.” Pinkie flipped through a notepad as she spoke. She then tossed it into the air and let it land in her hair without even looking at it. I watched it for a second as it slowly became assimilated into the Pink. I blinked once and decided to pretend I saw nothing. I did that a lot around Pinkie, come to think of it.
“Pinkie, that just sounds like a party!” Rainbow Dash said from above, “Not all problems can be solved with parties!”
The pink party pony gasped. “That’s not true! All problems can be solved with the proper application of partying!”
“That is correct, and in this case the proper application is none. Zero partying.” I definitely was not going to start becoming some sort of social butterfly just because I made a few new friends.
“Oh, don’t be such a shut-in Charlie.” Rarity waved a dismissive hoof at me. “I would think someone who hadn’t had any contact with anypony for as long as you have would relish the opportunity to finally interact with others.”
“Uhh, does anyone wanna clue me in on what we’re talkin’ about here?” Applejack waved a hoof as she cut in, confusion evident in her voice. “What happened to us talkin’ about y’all seein’ a ghost? How’d we wind up on parties?”
“Wellllll,” Pinkie once again swung her head from one side to the other, “As soon as we got here Granny Smi-”
Pinkie’s rant was cut off by an orange hoof in her mouth, the owner of said hoof saying “I’m gonna stop ya right there Pinkie. I’m gonna need somethin’ more than just your word that this ghost of yours is real.”
“Like what?” Rainbow said from above.
“Well…”
“Remind me again, what exactly are we trying to accomplish here?” I asked, still trying to make sense of what was in front of me.
“Well, according to Applejack, this is an old Apple family ritual for talking to ghosts.” Pinkie told me, taking a seat outside in the circle of ponies now surrounding me.
“According to me it is! And when I say somethin’ will work, I mean it!” Said Granny Smith as she smacked the floor with her hoof.
“Granny, Big Mac got me to do this when I was just a filly. It didn’t work then and it won’t work now!” It seemed Applejack was just as sceptical as ever.
“Well, you didn’t have a ghost in your house back then.” Rainbow said to her friend. “Now, you do!”
“Just relax Applejack, Charlie is certainly nothing to be afraid of,” Rarity added, “No offense, of course.”
“None taken?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow. I didn’t say anything more as each of the mares lit a candle, which they all held between their front hooves.
Granny Smith took command from there. “Okay, now, to get a ghost to appear before you, you must hold your candle up and repeat after me: “Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!”
“Okay that is not a real chant, come on.” I griped, “You could at least say it in latin…”
“Don’t question the ritual! It's just like the ghost stories my granpappy told!” The elderly pony scolded me, continuing with “My granpappy Red Delicious used it to talk to the first member of the Apple family and he saved the farm that way!”
“That actually sounds like quite the story. Could we hear that instead of doing this?” I certainly didn’t feel like standing in the middle of the world’s lamest seance.
“No! Now quit yer yappin’ so we can start!”
I looked to the others as all this was going on. Applejack of course seemed the least excited, her expression just begging for it to be done already. Rarity didn’t seem too enthused either, mostly due to being asked to sit on the bare floor. Both Rainbow and Pinkie however seemed enthralled, each holding their candles up and listening to Granny Smith closely.
Pinkie was, rather unsurprisingly, the first to start the chant.
“Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!” I could see her suppress a giggle.
“Pinkie, don-”
“Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!” Rainbow Dash chimed in, looking more impatient than eager.
“Come on,” I moaned.
“Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!” Rarity was next, how she kept a straight face I’ll never know. Probably something about being a “Proper Lady.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Alright, I guess we’re doing this.”
There was at least one other who was as cynical as I was. Applejack was clearly hesitating to join in, a sceptical scowl on her face. I saw her give an urgent look to her grandmother, who sent an even more intense one back. Applejack finally rolled her eyes and droned out “Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!”
Granny Smith was the last to join in. When she spoke the chant it came out more like a stern command, truly a voice only a grandmother could muster. “Spirits, spectres, spooks, and ghosts, hear me! I command you to come out at once!”
A second passed. And then another. A whole moment, in fact, went by. I looked around at the ponies and shrugged my shoulders.
“Darnit Granny, I knew this was a waste of time! I’m goin’ to go get Twilight and together we’re gonna figure out what’s wrong with all of you!” Applejack stood up and began to storm off.
“This coming from the mare who has the most ridiculous routine I’ve ever seen?” I scoffed.
“What do you mean by that, Charlie?” Rarity asked.
Applejack, noticing her friend was talking to what appeared to be thin air, turned around and said “What are you goin’ on about now?”
“She,” I said, pointing a rather accusing finger at the farm mare, “Has the most ridiculous routine to feed her pigs I’ve ever seen.”
“What does she do?” Pinkie Pie asked me.
“It’s hilarious, she opens and shuts the gates over and over, she flails around making stupid noises, she even clucks like a chicken!”
“Wait, hold on, you’re telling me that every day Applejack has been clucking like a chicken while feeding her pigs, and I haven’t been there to see it once!” Rainbow Dash sounded almost offended at missing out on the hilarity.
“Yeah, then she ties herself up with a rope, jumps off the roof of a barn, and lures the pigs to their trough with a cob of corn! It’s kind of impressive, really. Mission Impossible: Farm Animals.” I waved my hands in an arc in front of my face for flair.
“She jumps off the roof of a barn with a rope tied around her waist just to feed her pigs?” Rarity gave her friend a concerned look, “That seems rather dangerous, darling.”
All of us turned our eyes to the mare in question. She was sitting on her hindquarters, mouth agape. “How do y’all know about my routine? I’ve never had any of you around when I did it before!”
“Charlie told us!” Pinkie Pie piped in, “He told me he used to spend a lot of time watching ponies before we could see him. It was a little weird at first, but then I decided that if nopony could see me then I would do the same probably.” She then walked over and hugged my legs, and I stroked her mane a bit. It was incredibly soft, and also quite springy.
“Granny Smith, you must have told them!” Applejack pointed an accusatory hoof at her grandmother.
“No I did not! I didn’t even know myself!” The elderly mare said back.
“But, if you didn’t tell them, then how did they-” Applejack’s gaze was drifting across the room as she spoke, her eyes widening until she suddenly stopped. I must have been quite a sight to her. From my dark hair only on my head to all the clothes I was wearing. She probably hadn’t even seen denim and a jacket like this before.
“Hey there,” I said, waving a hand, “I’m just going to say it because everyone else is too nice to do so. We told you so.”
“Granny,” AJ said without taking her eyes off of me, “I see the varmint now. Get the fryin’ pan.”
All of us quickly shut that idea down with a resounding “No!”
“Look, just calm down. As you can see, I’m not hurting anyone. I literally cannot hurt anyone. Watch.” I walked over to her, and we looked at each other for a moment. I reached out, and I saw her ears tilt back as my hand drew near. I attempted to touch her, and the invisible force keeping me away from everything stopped me.
“Whoa, that feels weird!” Applejack quickly ducked away from my hand. “You really are a ghost!”
“Yes!” Rainbow shouted in exasperation, “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you!”
“Well, excuse me for being a bit sceptical after all we’ve been through!” Applejack retorted. “And really, if you think this was bad, what are you gonna do to convince Twilight?”
The three mares and myself just looked back at Applejack, not saying a word. Rarity raised her hoof but quickly froze and put it back down.
“We don’t really know,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my head.
“Well, now you’ve got me roped into this, so let’s figure out a plan!” Applejack said, leading us to the kitchen table. I stood still for a moment, amazed at her take charge attitude. She actually seemed to accept it the quickest out of all of us. I grinned a little as I followed the ponies to plan out our toughest challenge yet.
From the top of the stairs, Big Mac and Apple Bloom silently listened as the five ponies in the kitchen below spoke to thin air.
“Any idea what it is they think they’re seein’, Big Mac?” The filly whispered to her brother.
“Nnope.” He whispered back.
“Thinkin’ maybe we should stay outta this one?”
“Eeyup.”
Author's Note
Wow, I'm still alive? Neat.
Time moved in slow motion around me. The rail of the bridge seemed so far away already, and I could feel the wind blowing. I remember the moment so well, the smell of the summer night’s air. It should have been a beautiful night, with a clear sky and the warmth of July wrapping around me. Instead, I was watching her move further away from me by the second, standing at the edge of the bridge, staring. Was that regret I saw on her face? If so, the irony would be palpable. She knew what she had done. When I got back up there, I would make sure she knew exactly how I felt. I would never see that bitch again, and by god would she know it.
I could feel the spray of the rushing river already, and I wondered if I’d be able to swim back in the strong current. Hopefully I didn’t break anything from the fall. I felt an impact like hitting cement as I reached the water. In that brief second I could feel the air rush out of my lungs, and my body went limp. For a moment the river swept me along in it’s current, and although the memory was barely there, I remember seeing a dark shape fast approaching.
After that, silence.
I awoke gasping for air, and even though I had not sweat for as long as I had been a ghost, I swore I could feel the chill of it on my skin. I quickly patted myself down, feeling my body to make sure I was alright.
“I’m okay,” I muttered, out of breath. “I am okay.”
I sat still, wide-eyed and staring at the quilted blankets on Pinkie Pie’s bed. I had to take a moment to remind myself that I was in fact in Pinkie’s bed, and not outside on a bench like usual. I ran a hand through my hair and looked up, the intensity of my dream still remaining.
“I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed before,” I whispered to the room, “Not since I came to this god-forsaken horse land.”
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie happened. The door burst open and in dashed the playful pink pony I was currently staying with, and at the same time I found my mind fully occupied with her.
“Good morning Charlie!” she greeted me in a voice clearly not meant for mornings. “I made us breakfast! Pancakes with all the syrup for me, and some for you too!”
I saw the tray on her back then, laden with mouthwatering, golden and fluffy pancakes. God, I missed pancakes. Seeing them drenched in syrup with that perfect pat of butter on top, it was too much. I just wanted to reach out and downright devour the whole stack. But I couldn’t. At the very least I didn’t feel all that hungry, even if the smell was more than enough to drive me crazy.
I shook my head just a bit to clear my thoughts before looking Pinkie square in the face. “Pinkie Pie,” I said, my lips drawn tight and my brow furrowed, “You know that I can’t eat those, right?”
For her credit, Pinkie Pie did look genuinely surprised for a moment, before her expression became sorrowful. “I’m so sorry Charlie!” she said, “I totally forgot! I just always make pancakes, or sometimes waffles, when I have friends stay over so I guess I just kinda did it without thinking.”
Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, and her lower lip even trembled. A small part of me took satisfaction in her embarrassment, and the thought even crossed my mind that the dumb girl deserved the sting of humiliation.
“Wait, that’s not right,” I thought, “She’s my friend, aren’t I supposed to be nice to her?” I took a deep breath in to refocus myself and realized that I was right. Despite the fact that she could possibly be the most mind-bogglingly insane pony I had met, Pinkie Pie had been quite kind to me thus far, and I had no reason to treat her so cruelly. I really had been alone too long.
It felt like a minute weight lifted off of my shoulders as I finally responded to her. “It’s okay Pinkie,” I did my best to sound reassuring, “I’m used to watching ponies eat. Just enjoy the pancakes for me, okay?”
Pinkie looked at me with a big grin and gave me a quick hug. “Thank you Charlie! I will make sure I enjoy these pancakes more than any other pancakes ever!”
And so she took the tray of the delicious flapjacks off of her back and began to eat. As she did, the silly pink pony made the most exaggerated, ridiculous noises of enjoyment I had ever heard. She made each bite seem like it was the best she’d ever tasted, and as she licked the syrup off of her lips she moaned in pleasure.
It was fitting, really. Cheesy, over the top, and just plain weird, that’s what she was. That was simply Pinkie Pie. As she ate, I swore I could taste the phantom of a pancake on my tongue, and I did my best to enjoy the sensation while it lasted.
I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet, and this crazy mare had already made my morning one of the most memorable in my life. I surely wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, but I felt the corner of my mouth creep up in the barest hint of a smile.
“Pinkie,” I grumbled, my hands stuffed in my pockets as I walked, “Where are we going, anyways?” My good mood from the morning had quickly worn off as the crazy pink pony dragged me out of her little home faster that I had thought physically possible. Nothing quite like inertia to put a damper on one’s spirit. In my case, literally .
“We’re gonna go get you some help, silly!” She replied as she bounced along the streets of Ponyville. I tried not to think too hard on how her mane stayed perfectly in place despite the fact that she seemed more kangaroo than pony.
“You’re the one who needs help,” I muttered under my breath, looking away just a bit.
“What?” she turned her head and asked me.
“What?” I replied in kind, pretending I had not said anything.
We maintained eye contact for a moment longer before Pinkie shook her head far more rapidly than seemed possible. “Anyways, I thought we’d start with Rarity, since she already knows you’re real, we won’t have to convince her of that. We’ll just pick her up so she can help us convince the others that you’re here!”
“Rarity? The one from the party last night? Why start with her? If nothing else, she probably didn’t even believe you. I’ve seen you do some weird stuff, so she most likely figured you were being a little more weird than normal.” Also, although I refused to say it out loud, if I were to be able to interact with more ponies, the fancy one with the huge variety of clothing didn’t really seem like a great start. Or middle. Or end. Not like I need new clothes anyways, my good ol’ denim an’ flannel combo was not only awesome, it seemed to be as immortal as I was.
“That’s simple, Charlie! I thought it all out last night after we went to bed.” Pinkie somehow pulled a notepad out of her hair and began showing me diagrams of herself and her friends. I swear, anyone who could make this shit up deserves more money than they’re getting.
“You see, at first I thought that my friend Twilight would be the best help,” she started, still managing to walk with only three legs. “But then I realized, if I went to Twilight and said I found a ghost, she wouldn’t believe me! She may believe in my Pinkie Sense, but she’d just try to explain you away as “swamp gas” or “a toy in a bathtub” like all the other crazy things I try to prove to her.” Pinkie pointed to a red X next to an illustration of the one I had dubbed “NerdHorse.”
“Next I thought about Rainbow Dash, but even if she wasn’t in the hospital I don’t think she’d like sitting around trying to talk to a ghost instead of hunting for them in an abandoned castle or mansion. And I can’t take you to an abandoned castle or mansion because we already went ghost hunting last month, and I can’t just do it again so soon!”
“Right,” I raised an eyebrow and pretended to understand her logic. It was a shame though, I figured Pony Pride Horse could have given me a few laughs in an abandoned castle.
“Then there’s Applejack, but she’d just tell me to stop being silly. Or, maybe she’d believe me and pull out all sorts of stuff to ward you off because she thinks ghosts are mean. But I know you’re not mean,” Pinkie’s speech skipped like a record, noise and all, “Or, well, not as mean anymore. But still, I don’t know if any of that could work on you, but I don’t think you’d like being banished.”
My eyebrows traded places as my expression went from confused and skeptical to curious and intrigued. On the one hand, Pinkie was right, banishment did sound bad. On the other, maybe it would let me be free of these crazy equines.
Or maybe Banjo Horse would just send me to hell or something. No, I think I’ll pass, thank you very much. Even if it was pony hell, I somehow feel that would be even worse.
“And, well, I never even considered Fluttershy. She’s not exactly the ghost friendly type, no offense.” Pinkie let out an uneasy chuckle and tossed the notepad back onto her mane, where it slowly sunk in like the pink fluff on her head was made of pudding or something.
...That would explain a lot, if I’m being honest.
“Alright then,” I say, more than a bit surprised by Pinkie’s logic, “To Ms. Fancy Pants we go.”
“Rarity isn’t Ms. Fancy Pants, silly!” Pinkie said as she started bouncing now that her little presentation was done, “Fancy Pants lived in Canterlot, and I think he’s dating that one model Fleur De Lis.”
I slapped my face. Hard. Of course there was a pony named Fancy Pants. I really needed to start keeping my mouth shut, even though that something I hadn’t had to do for a long time.
“How long until we get there anyways?” I asked Pinkie, “I haven’t really been paying attention to where we are.”
“We’re already there, silly!” Pinkie said to me, and that’s when I noticed that I was at the base of the stairs to Rarity’s boutique. I swear, just thinking the word left a bitter taste on my tongue. It was just so frilly .
“Convenient that we arrive right after our conversation ended, huh?” I snarked, having some fun with the coincidence.
“Nah, that’s pretty normal for me. My friends and I always seem to get wherever we need to be after just one conversation or two. Even if it’s all the way across Equestria!” Pinkie sat on her haunches and stretched her forelegs far apart.
“Right.” I decided I didn’t want to have to figure out this new level of insanity. “How about you open that door up and we get this show on the road, him?”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie smiled at me and pushed open the door. A little bell rang from above and I heard Rarity’s distinct, refined voice.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!” Rarity thrust out a hoof for flourish, her eyes closed in her little spiel.
“Hey Rarity, how are you today?” Pinkie asked, joyfully bouncing over to her friend. I, of course, followed at a more sedate pace. The whole room, full of frills and dresses, made me feel uneasy. I was starting to question more and more why all these girly things put me on guard, but I just chalked it up to a total lack of interest. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I figured if Pinkie could get away with it then I could too.
“Oh, Pinkie Pie, I wasn’t expecting you. What brings you here today?” Rarity tilted her head as she greeted her friend.
“Nothing special Rarity, I just need your help with something.”
“What is it you need, darling? I’m certainly happy to help however I can.” Rarity actually looked a little concerned at this point. I would be too, I could tell all that pink was just a front for shenanigans. However, there was a little part of me that doubted Rarity’s sincerity, and I know just a few days ago I would have run with it. But since I had met Pinkie things seemed… I don’t know, more clear I suppose. It wasn’t something I could easily explain to myself at the time. All I knew for sure was that despite all the misgivings I’d been having, I was finding it hard to dislike that pink pony, even when that little voice in the back of my head insisted the girl was nothing but trouble.
“Well,” Pinkie swayed from one side to the other in an exaggerated motion, breaking me from my thoughts, “It has to do with that party I threw last night. More like, it has to do with someone I introduced you to at that party last night. Remember Charlie? He’s here right now!”
“What? Pinkie, darling, I was actually hoping we could just forget about that little bit of tomfoolery from last night.” Rarity nervously replied, “especially that part about a certain book that you weren’t supposed to know about.”
“It’s okay Rarity, we all have little guilty pleasures.” Pinkie leaned in real close to Rarity and added in a whisper, “Sometimes, I eat sugar free cookies, just to see how they taste.”
“Right,” Rarity gently nudged Pinkie out of her personal space, before saying “I certainly hope you’re not going to try to prove to me that your ghost friend is real again.”
“Of course not Rarity, don’t be silly!” Rarity actually let out a small sigh of relief at this. “You already know Charlie is real. I want your help in proving to everyone else that he’s real!”
Rarity sputtered a bit as Pinkie smiled brightly at her. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the unicorn’s expression. Intentional or not, Pinkie’s comedic timing was spot on.
“Pinkie Pie, darling, I know you have quite the… active imagination, but surely you must admit that ghosts are not real!” Rarity actually put on a genuine look of concern for her friend, resting a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder.
“I used to think so too, Rarity. But then I met Charlie and now I know ghosts are real. At least, this ghost is real, right Charlie?” Pinkie somehow stretched her hooves and dragged me over from my place a few feet away.
“Uh, right?” I lamely replied, not knowing what else to do. Honestly, half the time Pinkie confused me so much I could barely process reality.
“Pinkie-” Rarity began with a sigh, before seeing her pink friend’s face. Now, I liked to think I was too tough and manly to fall for such tricks, but even I had to admit that Pinkie Pie’s Pouty Pony Face™ was too cute to resist. That thing had to be weapons grade adorable, capable of taking out anyone’s willpower from fifty paces and then some.
And it seemed Rarity shared the same feeling, as she sighed once more and said “Fine, if I must help you prove that your ghost friend is real, I shall.”
With that, like all those who use the pouty face to get their way, Pinkie immediately snapped back to happy mode and clapped her front hooves together.
“Yay! I just know we can get everypony to believe us if you’re helping!” Pinkie then wrapped a hoof around both of us, somehow balancing on just her back two, and pushed us both towards the door.
For once, Rarity and I had something in common as we both sputtered and insisted Pinkie stop and let us go. Of course, if anyone reading this knows even the slightest thing about the Pie that is Pinkie, you would know that she didn’t listen to a word we said. In the end however, it did turn out to be a good thing. You see, once we reached the door, the fashionista and I being shoved side by side, we realized there wasn’t enough space for the both of us.
And as I stood there, squished between a little white pony and the door frame, I came to a realization. It snapped into place out of nowhere, since I had probably been thinking about it subconsciously for as long as I had tried to touch these little horses.
If ponies can’t touch me, what happens if I obstruct their path in such a way that they can’t move around me?
The answer: they can’t pass me. Or, in the case with Rarity, because there was not enough space for us both to fit, we wound up squished together before Pinkie managed to squeeze us both through the door, the two of us falling forward from the force.
“What was that ?” Rarity exclaimed, waving a hoof at the door. In the meantime, I did my best fish impression as I had my mind blown for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few days.
“I swear to god I’m the biggest fucking idiot on this whole fucking planet,” I muttered as my body caught up with my mind, “I could have gotten one of these confounded horses to notice me the whole time if I wasn’t so goddamn, motherfucking stupid!”
“Hey!” my vision was suddenly full of angry pink pone, “Watch the language!”
“Yes ma’am,” I squeaked, not liking the tone of Pinkie’s voice. I knew she couldn’t really hurt me, but I also wouldn’t put it past her to somehow be able to wash my mouth out with soap.
“Pinkie Pie,” the two of us broke our little stare and looked at Rarity, “How did you manage to squish me against thin air?”
“I did it because it wasn’t thin air, silly! It was Charlie!” Pinkie waved a hoof at me like it was the most obvious thing.
“My goodness, you’re serious, aren’t you? There really is a ghost there, isn’t there?” The white pony’s eyes had widened considerably, and she slowly walked over to us. “I can’t believe it! It’s just so… unbelievable!”
“Yeah, imagine how I felt when the first thing I get a response out of in two years was this silly pink pony.” I snarked with a roll of my eyes.
“Oh, I imagine that must have been quite the experience. Pinkie Pie can be a bit… much, even to her friends.” Rarity responded to me without thinking.
I stared at her.
She stared back at me.
Pinkie started shaking as if she were about to explode.
“Holy shit you can see me!”
“My word, what are you?!”
“This is so awesome!” Pinkie Pie took off like a rocket, flying high above the boutique.
“Oh shit!” I shouted, standing and holding out my arms to catch the crazy mare. I didn’t know how she could jump that high, but I was pretty sure the ground wouldn’t care when she went splat against it.
With a running leap I caught her, twisting in mid air so she landed against my chest. For once I was thankful to be a ghost, as having the wind knocked out of me didn’t feel so bad when I didn’t really need to breath.
“Hey!” A pink hoof booped my nose, “What did I say about the language, mister?”
“I, uh, buh, sorry?” I sputtered.
“That’s better!” Pinkie Pie flashed me a smile before hopping off of me. I didn’t actually feel much when she launched off my chest. Maybe it was just a ghost thing, but it certainly seemed like these ponies didn’t weigh much at all.
“Excuse me,” Rarity cleared her throat to catch our attention, “If I may just butt in here, I can’t help but feel the need to ask, WHAT IS HE?!” I found an immaculate marshmallow hoof pointed right at my face, “AND WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!”
“Whoa, easy on the volume there girl,” I jammed a pinky in my ear and attempted to clear it out, “I don’t think they heard you on the moon.”
Mindless of my comment, Pinkie rushed to Rarity and exclaimed, “This is great! You can see him now too, so you do admit he is real now, right?”
“Well,” Rarity fell to her haunches, a stunned look still on her face, “I suppose I do. I doubt anyone short of the princesses or perhaps Twilight could cast an illusion this convincing, and even then I further doubt that they would. But still, I would very much like to know why the ghost I’m looking at is not a pony but a… whatever he is!” She gestured wildly at me to emphasize my point.
“Ouch,” I said, “I have feelings too you know. I’m a human by the way, thanks for asking.” I suppose somewhere along the past couple of days I had managed to pick up faster on the ever encroaching insanity that had become my afterlife. “And before you ask, no, I don’t know how I got here. I died, something I would prefer not to discuss, but your guess is as good as mine why this is my afterlife.”
“Well, that does little to help my confusion,” Rarity stood back up and extended a hoof to me, “But ghost or not, I should not forget my manners in such a way. My name is Rarity, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Charlie.”
“Umm,” I slowly took her hoof in my hand and shook, “likewise, I suppose.”
“Alright! Now that you two have actually met each other we can go get the others to see him and then we can have another party where everypony can actually see him!” Pinkie hopped into the air, and I swear her legs started to swirl like a cartoon. Before she could speed off however, her tail was caught in a cloud of blue sparkles, courtesy of Rarity’s magic.
“Not so fast, darling! I suppose I may be able to help you with this endeavor, but first I very much would like to go back inside and get some answers.” Rarity told her friend, letting go of her bushy pink tail.
“Oh, alright,” Pinkie seemed disappointed in the delay. As to be expected really, that girl didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word “Calm.”
“Very well then! I shall brew us some tea and we can all sit down and have a nice, civilized discussion instead of yelling in public like a bunch of madponies!” With that the unicorn trotted back inside her boutique, Pinkie and I following close behind.
As I crossed the doorway however, I rubbed a hand on the frame and shook my head. “I am such an idiot, how did I miss this?”
“So, you’re telling me that you two only met the other day, and it was because Charlie here was making fun of a pony at Sugarcube Corner?” Rarity lifted her teacup delicately in her magic, taking a dainty sip.
“Yup! I told him to stop being such a meanie, but when I realized no one else could see him, I rushed off because I knew he must be a ghost!” Pinkie lifted her teacup with both hooves, and chugged the whole cup in one go, nearly slamming it back down before receiving a rather pointed glance from Rarity. Clearly, it was not the first time she had done such a thing.
“In my defense, I had been alone for more than a year. It’s not like I had anyone to tell me no, so I’ve kind of let my lips run loose. I guess it’s just fun.” I stared at my teacup, and tried my best to lift it to my lips. Like any other time I tried to touch something, I felt a sort of repelling force, like I was pushing two magnets together the wrong way. My hand moved back and the cup stood still, mocking me with its stillness. I didn’t ask for it, but I suppose Rarity only gave me one out of politeness. It seemed rather silly to give a ghost a cup of tea, after all.
“Yes, well, if I am to help you meet my friends then I must ask you to mind your tongue, good sir. I know you have been alone for quite some time, but that is no excuse for bad manners!” Rarity gave me the same pointed look she had given Pinkie Pie. Clearly this horse took her decorum seriously.
“Yay!” Pinkie clapped her hooves, “This is gonna be great!”
“Of course, making new friends is always enjoyable. Although, I must ask you two, how is it that I am suddenly able to see Charlie when I was unable to before?” Rarity made a quite solid point, and I certainly did not have an answer for her.
I shrugged and gave her my best “iunno” look. I really had no clue, none of this crazy horse stuff had made any sense to me in the whole time I had been trapped among them. We both turned to look at Pinkie, who was rubbing a hoof to her chin and making what must have been an exaggerated thinking face.
“Hmmmm…” She hummed, squinting her eyes at Rarity. Just as the white pony began to lean back away from her friend, Pinkie snapped upright and raised a hoof. “I know!” She exclaimed, “Oh, I totally know!”
“Well,” I said, resting my elbow on the table, and my chin on that hand, “Do tell. Nothing I ever did seemed to work, I too would like to know what changed.” In my head I added “Although that door fiasco did prove I was an idiot, that’s for sure.”
“It’s simple! Rarity couldn’t see you until she really, truly, believed you were real!” The grin on her silly face threatened to break off and replace the sun for how bright it was, I swear.
Two sets of eyebrows flew up as the truth settled on both myself and Rarity. “I suppose it makes sense,” Rarity said, rubbing a hoof to her own chin, “At the least, it’s the best explanation I can think of.”
The two of them looked at me for any more ideas, and once again I shrugged. “Don’t look at me, I haven’t had much control over my life since little miss caffeine-high over there came into it.”
That actually made Rarity giggle, and she hid her mouth behind her hoof. “Yes, she certainly tends to have the effect on ponies. I suppose humans would be no different.”
“Yay!” Pinkie shouted, “You two are becoming friends!” God this little horse was going to make me lose my mind with all her shouting.
“I don’t think so,” I groused, “I’m nothing like miss Fashion Model over there.”
“Oh don’t be that way darling,” Rarity softly waved a hoof at me, “I can tell that although you may be uncouth on the surface, there is an upstanding and witty gentleman underneath. You did just compliment me after all, and I do appreciate you noticing how much care I put into my appearance!”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I grumbled, looking away. I heard a few snickers from the two of them and quickly looked back, finding the two of them doing their best to look at anything but me. “Frickin’ ponies…” I muttered.
Pinkie gave me a small glare, because of course she heard that. Rarity however simply said, “Well, it is settled then! We will just have to take you around town and help prove you are real to the rest of our friends, then hopefully we will know what to do with you from there!”
“I feel like your plan lacks some vital steps there, Rarity,” I said, “For starters, who else is going to believe that an alien ghost is walking among them?”
“Well, I do believe that before we reach the end of this little plan of ours, we should be sure that we are correct in how we can allow other ponies to see you.” Rarity stated, standing and clearing the table. “To that end, I suspect that Rainbow Dash would certainly appreciate a visit from her friends, don’t you Pinkie?”
“Oh! I totally forgot about that angle! She’s already bored, so doing anything would be fun for her!” Pinkie bounced to her hooves and grabbed my hand with her mouth. “Come on!” She said, her words muffled by my fingers, “Let’s go!”
In a whirl of silly ponies and shouts to let me go, we all found ourselves on the path to the Ponyville Hospital to see another crazy pony.
As Pinkie Pie and Rarity trotted along in front of me, chatting about something I was too busy thinking to pay attention to, I realized something. Even just a week prior, doing all this would have seemed like the last thing I would want to do, but now? Now, it didn’t seem so bad.
Without realizing, I smiled just a little bit as I felt light on my feet. Maybe making friends wouldn’t be so bad.
Author's Note
Holy crap I'm alive.
Sorry everyone
