Return To Equestria: The Failed Spell

by LostFaith

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Anthro, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1372

A spell sends our protagonist Brandon to a crazy anthropomorphic version of Equestria

After failing miserably at a spell that would supposedly grant him the power to cross dimensions, Brandon has to find a way back without breaking the universe. Along the way though, a certain mare gets the wrong idea.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-06 06:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1: The Failed Spell

Everything was going perfect with this spell I was working on until Dream decided it would be a perfect idea to magically sneeze on me. And to think that I was soon going to have the ability to travel across dimensions with ease. Then again since when do these things ever go off without a hitch? The combined chemicals and magic caused a rip through time and space sending me to the unknown that I would never become familiar with. All that was going through my head was as follows, "For fuck's sake. Well at least I know what I did wrong but now I'm absolutely fucked."

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye sight I see a comet flying through space smack into me, sending me flying into the orbit of a planet that strangely resembles Equestria. Thank god I decided to wear my recon armor before this or I would have died from suffocation already. Though I'm pretty goddamn sure that this suit is not designed for freefalling from space into a planet's orbit. Oh well. "FUCK!" I scream as I flail uselessly, only serving to increase my already ridiculous speed. So it is pretty obvious that it's going to be near impossible to land safely. Unless... I see a water coming into view near what resembles Canterlot.

I slowly but surely slow down and land with a huge splash at the bottom of the waterfall. Well. Could have been worse. I mean I could have died. I start to take note of my surroundings besides the formerly beautiful waterfall that I mercilessly destroyed with the force of my impact.

This new AI the UNSC gave me should help me through this. "Sitrep Jeneva."

"Scans report sentient lifeforms all over the place. The readings are off the charts. I'll get back to you when I have more information. For now the recommended course of action would be to avoid causing trouble." The ai snarks.

"Ha. Ha. Okay but really. Is that seriously all you have?"

"Well, considering the fact that my connection to the United Nations Space Command Office of Naval Intelligence databases have been lost, yes. It is."

"I'm assuming you've heard of the multiverse theory Commander?" Jeneva questions me in a brisk manner.

"Ah, yes of course. But what does that have to do with  me?"

"Well, I compared the geography of this planet to the other Equestria of which you originated while you were so gracefully smacked into the planet's atmosphere." She remarks sarcastically. "And from what I've learned, evidence supports... Okay this is going to sound insane but you are in an alternate Equestria in an entirely different universe of which I have yet to comprehend how you managed to do so."

"Well. There goes my hope."

"I'm going to input a waypoint to Canterlot Castle throne room on your heads up display. You have a new directive: Use your active camo as you would call it to get to your destination without being detected." Just like she said, a waypoint appears that is about 3 miles away from my current location.

I start the hellish journey of climbing over the mountain and into the city but when I actually enter the snobbish city for the upper class the sight that I expect isn't there. Instead of there being normal ponies on four hooves, humanoid ponies wearing clothes are what meet my eyes. "Interesting. Anthropomorphic ponies. Twilight would freak out if she knew about that." Jeneva remarks.

"I still don't think its a good idea to suddenly appear out of nowhere in technologically superior armor that is intimidating to others slap bang in the middle of the city." I tell Jeneva but she does someting bad. Very, very bad.

"What is the worst that could possibly happen?" She asks, enabling Murphy's law to fuck me over. My active camoflauge immediately stutters and then stops completely, alerting the citizens to my presence.

The weirdest thing happens though. They don't even look down as they seem preoccupied with keeping their heads raised high.

"Goddamn, what fucking snobs." I accidentally say out loud. A little too loud. Every head turns to my direction and then gapes at me. And then panic assumes control of the nobles as they start screaming hysterically and doing everything you would expect them to do to make a scene. I assume someone called the royal guard because three mares in golden armor comes towards me.

"I'm afraid we are going to have to place you under arrest for disturbing Equestria's beautiful harmony and using excessively crude language. You are coming with us to be held at trial." Are you serious? All I said was goddamn. Jeneva stays silent during this, allowing me to make my own decisions.

"Make me." I say dangerously. They seemed to expected me to have gone without argument and not force them to take action as told by their expressions. Or maybe it is just my voice.

"Wait a minute... You are not a mare. But why would a colt be so tall and disrespectful?"

I unseal my helmet and take it off to laugh at them. "I'm not what you think I am. No but really. Ever accidentally traveled across dimensions? Yeah. I fucked up a spell when my marefriend sneezed on me." They gawk at me before breaking into giggles.

"We still have our orders to take you to Princess Celestia effective immediately." The other mare states. I sigh and nod.

"Whatever. Military protocol dictates my response. I accept your terms as goes my responsibility as Commander."

"What, you, a child, are a high ranking military officer?"

"Did I stutter?" I ask, annoyed all of a sudden.

"You know what? Forget it. Lieutenant Blazewing please escort our 'guest' while I report this." The mare says, pointing to the mare who has been silent this whole time.

Blazewing nods and motions for me to follow her. I do as I'm told and follow her the whole way until we get to the castle entrance at which ten more guards join the escort party to make sure I don't do anything stupid. We finally get to the throne room where a certain annoyed Princess Celestia and tired Princess Luna are waiting.

"Creature, state your purpose. We know thou art not a pony."

"Actually, I am and I'm also not."

"Explain." Luna demands.

"I'm from an Equestria that has actual ponies on four hooves. I've traveled across dimensions and fought wars as well. My name is Lieutenant Commander Brandon Stryker. Laugh at me if you want but I am immortal like yourselves. An alicorn."

"And how can we be certain of such?" Celestia questions, suddenly quite interested.

"Don't tell me you don't know that memory spell Celly." I say bluntly. She blushes and sighes as she regains her composure and presses her horn to my head. Her reaction is not at all like I expect.

"Aww, you are so cute!"

"NO!" I yell, blushing profusely. The guards giggle.

"Quick! Show me!" Luna begs with puppy dog eyes.

Celestia presses her horn to Luna's horn and she gasps. "Aww... Nephew from another universe." She holds out her hand expecting a hug. I just look at her like she said something insane.

"The last time I hugged a pony, I lost mobility for two hours straight. And the pony hugging me was my own mother. Go figure." I say as I come closer and imagine my armor disintegrating into my helmet as I set it down and hug the princess of the night. She doesn't let go even after a few minutes.

"Okay, seriously you can let go now." She blushes but other than that doesn't let go. "Luna!" She flinches but still doesn't let go before she overpowers me and makes me fall to the ground with her on top.

"But... soft..."

"I'm not getting freedom any time soon am I?" Celestia shakes her head while holding back giggles as do the guards nearby seeing as they are all mares. I decide to just get comfortable and I let myself fall asleep in the princess's hands. It just had to be that kind of first day.