Friendship has a strange aftertaste

by AlesFlamas

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 2969

Chrysalis is sentenced to rehabilitation by way of friendship. She's none too happy about it.

When Chrysalis invaded Equestria the first, with an army of Changelings by her side and a desire to subjugate each and every last Equestrian, she was considered one of the greatest threats Equestria had ever known.

When she tried again, by herself and with no discernible plan whatsoever, she became a laughingstock. Threat or laughingstock, either way, Celestia is tired of her shenanigans, and as such, has sentenced her to rehabilitation by way of friendship.

Chrysalis would have preferred death.

Published 2015-03-11 00:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-11 00:50:03 UTC

Execution would be preferable

The once proud Queen Chrysalis stared out the window of the carriage, which at this very moment was carrying her to her doom. Restrained, so as to prevent her from trying anything funny, staring was all she could do. The green fields below, the clear, blue sky. . . it sickened her. All of Equestria sickened her. Oh, but how delicious Equestrians were, there capacity for love so deep, and the love itself so rich and complex. She just had to have more of it. She'd wanted it, needed it- and now she was here. In an airborne carriage on its way to her very own personal hell.

Turning away from the window and her depressing thoughts, Chrysalis instead tried to focus on the benefits of the situation.
.
.
.
.
Their were none. So she returned to the window and her festering.

"You're avoiding eye contact, Chrysalis," said a voice across from her. "Are you nervous?"

"I'm not nervous at all," Chrysalis remarked, turning to face her object of disdain. "In fact, Princess, nervous is the last word I would use to describe how I feel right now."

"Oh really?", Celestia replied. "Then please, enlighten me as to what words you would use."

"Well, miserable would be a start. Then there's bitter, and regretful and most of the other adjectives you'd expect somepony in my position to use in describing their moods."

"You brought it upon yourself, Chrysalis."

Chrysalis sneered. "Brought it upon myself, did I? Is this my punishment then, for doing as any true monarch would? My just desserts, for simply trying to feed my kin?"

"Would that you could make that argument, Chrysalis. But you came here on your own, you yourself have admitted to that."

Chrysalis couldn't help but smile. "Yes, well," she started slyly. "Queenie needed her fix, if you catch my drift. Romantic love is just so. . . deep and complex. So much flavor to mull over and discern. And often, so cloyingly sweet, like a marshmallow, one could say."

"An appropriate analogy. Still, it doesn't excuse your. . . adulterous behaviors. Especially since you no longer bare the justification of feeding your subjects."

"I suppose not. I will get some joy though, out of knowing I've caused a rift, however small, in that pretty pink princess's marriage."

"To the contrary," Celestia said. "Your antics have only served to strengthen Cadance and Shining Armor's relationship."

"Oh poo. You can't let me have any fun, can you?"

"No, I can't. Oh! T'would appear that we've arrived at our destination."

Chrysalis felt the carriage come to a halt. What could possibly await her outside this door? All she had been told of her sentence was that she was to be rehabilitated, by the top members of the field. She was unable to comprehend what that might imply. What sort of hideous torture awaited her?

Chrysalis could hear a guard, unlatching himself from the front of the carriage, moving to open the door. She was anxious to discover what horrors awaited her. The door opened. Chrysalis began to shiver with anticipation. Celestia released her mobility restraints, keeping the ones on her magical and flight capabilities intact.

"Go on now, Chrysalis.", Celstia said mockingly. "Your a big girl."

"I hate you."

"I know."

Pleasantries done with, Chrysalis stepped out of the carriage. No sooner had her hooves touched the ground that she heard explosions and cannon fire. She was hit by something hard in the abdomen and felt something gooey begin to ooze out of her. She fell to the ground in a panic and began to cry out.

"Murder! Murder!", she cried. "I am killed! Oh Celestia, treacherous dog you!"

"Chrysalis."

"Oh you, most insidious cur! That you would stoop so low as to promise me rehabilitation, and at my most vulnerable moment, kill me dead!"

"Chrysalis."

"Fie! Fie on you and all Equestrians! A pox, I say. A pox on all your houses!"

"Chrysalis!"

"What? What have you to say to me in my final moments, cruel mistress?"

"You penchant for theatrics is impressive," Celestia began. "But that's all they are. Get up."

"But-"

"But nothing. Nopony was ever killed by a cannon-propelled apple pie."

"Apple. . .pie?"

Chysalis felt at the strange gooey substance dripping from her abdomen. Bringing it to her mouth, she found that she had indeed been hit by an apple pie propelled from out of a cannon. But who in their right mind would-

"I told you the pie cannon was a bad idea.", said a whispering voice in front of Chrysalis.

"Well, how was I supposed to know this would happen?", said another voice. "Pie is great. Cannons are great. I thought a pie cannon would be extra, super-duper great. It's not my fault she stood right in its firing path!"

"Rainbow, Pinkie!" said yet another voice. "This isn't the time!"

"Full disclosure," said a more masculine voice, making no attempt at whispering. "I moved the cannon for giggles."

"Discord!" said a voice which seemed to be trying to yell, but couldn't make its way past a whisper.

"What can I say, I thought it would be funny. And you know what? I was right! Ha!"

Confused and slightly dazed, Chrysalis stood up and looked in the direction of the voices. She spied two cannons, one covered in confetti and the other oozing the remnants of an apple pie. There was a banner, proclaiming "Welcome!" And underneath this banner stood six ponies (and for some reason a draconequus) whom she had hoped never to see again. Could this mean-

"Queen Chrysalis, for the crimes of conspiracy to undermine and overthrow the Equestrian government and adultery, I, Princess Celestia of Equestria, sentence you to rehabilitation by way of lessons in the magic of friendship."

Chrysalis heard the door to the carriage close behind her, and in a panic, began pounding at it.

"You can't do this to me, Celestia! I'm the queen of a proud and strong race of warriors! I will not be treated as a child who does not understand the basics of interaction!"

"Would you prefer death, Chrysalis?" Celestia said from within the carriage.

"Execution would be preferable by a large margin to this humiliating situation!"

"Well. . . too bad."

Chrysalis felt herself pulled away from the carriage by somepony's magic, and watched as it faded into the distance. The silence that followed was palpable. The pink one was the first to cut through it.

"Sooo. . . do you want some pie?"

A strange taste indeed

Four hours. Only four hours she had been living with the shy, yellow, quiet one and fooling around with her friends. It felt like an eternity. As part of her rehabilitation they had required that she read a journal which detailed, in no small part, all the lessons they had learned over the course of the many adventures they had had. Chrysalis could barely find it within her self to read the drivel within. But read it she did.

"Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle. My lord, if I have to read the word sincerely ever again, I think I'm going to vomit."

"Is that a promise, Chryssy?" said Discord, hanging from the ceiling. "The bodily fluids of changelings fetch quite a hefty price on the black market. And I myself might have. . . uses for it."

"Begone, draconequus." Chrysalis stated impatiently. Worse than anything those six mares planned on with her, in their attempts to befriend and "rehabilitate" her, were the incessant ramblings of the thrice blasted draconequus they had also succeeded in "rehabilitating." She was half convinced he didn't know the meaning of the word silence.

"I do too know the meaning of the word silence! Here, allow me to show you. Ahem. . . Silence. Noun. The complete absence of sound."

"Very good, Discord.", Fluttershy said.

"What possible use could you have for Chrysalis's vomit?", Twilight questioned.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Yeah, we would, actually." Applejack said.

"Yeah," Pinkie Pie began. "Would you use it in some kind of potion or poison or elixir or ether or something?"

"I'm not telling."

"Awww, come on, Discord, just tell us.", Rainbow Dash whined.

"I'm sorry my multi-color maned, pugnacious little pony. But these lips, are zipped."

To accentuate just how zipped his lips were, Discord turned them into a zipper, which he promptly sealed shut. Seeing this, Chrysalis was amused, and whether she knew it or not, began to smile. Discord took notice and unzipped his lips.

"Oh, what's this?",Discord said with mock surprise. "Is that a smile I see on our precious little queen's face?"

Chrysalis did her best to hide it, but Discord, Twilight and all the others had already seen it.

"Yeah, that's a smile alright.", Rainbow Dash said.

"You think we could get a laugh out of her too?", Pinkie questioned.

"Well. . ." Twilight began. "It couldn't hurt to try."

Over my dead body, you'll make me laugh, Chrysalis thought to herself.

"Alrighty then! You ready Chryssy?", Pinkie asked excitedly.

"I would prefer you call me by my proper name, but yes. I suppose I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Okay, Chryssy, here it comes! So a farmer and a quantum physicist are walking back to the farmers place, right? And this quantum physicist has never been to a farm before, so everything is extra strange to him. Are you following so far?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"So he points to a silo and says, 'That sure is an oddly shaped nuclear reactor,' and the farmer says 'That's no nuclear reactor, that's a corn silo.'"

"I don't get it."

"Well, that wasn't the punchline, silly. Anyway, the quantum physicist keeps looking around an says, 'What stallion in their right mind would build a testing facility out of wood?' And the farmer says, 'That's no testing facility, that's my barn.'"

"Was that the punchline?"

"No. So finally, the quantum physicist says to the farmer, 'I don't quite understand the way you do things around here, but I must say, you have a beautiful particle accelerator. At least, it's the nicest I've ever seen.' So the farmer turns to look where the quantum physicist is pointing, and he says to him, 'That's no particle accelerator, that's my daughter!'"

At this punchline, Twilight was absolutely fit to burst with laughter. The other four gave a chuckle, and Discord seemed to be too lost in thought to bother laughing. But Chrysalis remained stalwart as ever. She refused to laugh.

"Oh well," Pinkie said, a tad downtrodden. "I guess a laugh was too much to ask for on the very first day."

"Yes, it was." Chrysalis said contemptuously.

At this statement, Discord gave a yawn.

"As much as I enjoy all of your companies," Discord began. "I believe it's about time we disbanded this little get together. Itty bitty Chryssy did just get here today after all, and I'm sure she could use all the rest she could get."

As much as she hated it, Chrysalis did have to admit that the events of the day had left her weary. And conveniently enough, Twilight and her friends were also tired. So forcing a group hug onto Chrysalis, they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Fluttershy went upstairs to bed, leaving Chrysalis alone with Discord. She hoped he would not bother her, as she lay down to rest.

"Well, then I hope your ready to have your hopes dashed."

Chrysalis sighed in frustration. "Would you please leave me alone, draconequus?"

"Only if you answer a question for me."

"If it will shut you up."

"Yes, well. . ."

". . .Your question?"

"Yes, of course. Did you really not find Pinkie's joke at all funny?"

The one question she'd hoped he wouldn't ask. She honestly wasn't too happy with the answer she was about to give, but she'd promised him she would answer him.

"In all honesty, it was the funniest joke I've heard in a long while. I was positively prepared to explode with laughter. However, there are a few personal qualms which prevented me from doing so."

"Well, I can understand that. After all, up until a few hours ago, Fluttershy and her friends were your mortal enemies."

Chrysalis shook her head. "No, that's not it."

"Oh really?", Discord said, with genuine curiosity. "Then pray tell, what is your reasoning?"

Chrysalis cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She'd never told anyone what she was about to tell Discord.

"Oh, I promise, I won't tell anypony. Scout's honor."

"Well. . .alright. I didn't laugh because I didn't want their love."

"But isn't love what you changelings live off of?"

"Yes, but different types of love taste different ways and w-well, I. . .", Chrysalis trialed off.

"Well, what? Spit it out."

"Platonic love leaves a funny taste in my mouth. There. I said it."

"Hmmm. Very interesting. Please, do tell me more."

"Only if you get out of that ridiculous suit and get rid of those glasses."

"No problem.", Discord said, dissaparating the offending items.

"And the chair."

"Oh poo," Discord said, dejected. "You're no fun."

"Where to begin?", Chrysalis said. "Well, I suppose it all started from the day of my maturation into a queen. You see, before the day of our maturation, changelings live off the embryal fluids from our egg sacs. We do not require love to live before then. But I was excited. I was to know my first taste of love, a trial that would cement my place as queen of my race. I found a rather lonely stallion, a pony who had never known love, and forged a relationship. He came to love me, and I came to love the taste of his love."

"And what that taste be, persee?"

"To ask me to describe the taste would be to ask the impossible of me. Romantic love has so many distinctive layers of flavor, it's almost too much to handle. It hits your senses like a ton of bricks and-"

"Let me stop you right there.", Discord interrupted. "What I'm hearing is you ruined the hamburger for yourself by tasting the steak first, is that right?"

"A rather morbid analogy, but I suppose that's an appropriate way of looking at it."

"And you claim your subjects are starving, yes?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Why is that?"

"Because I forbid them from engaging in platonic relationships. I will have only the best for my kind."

"Even if that means that not having the best means you'll starve?"

"Well. . ."

Chrysalis had never thought of it in that sense. But if she could not provide the best, was she then fit to be queen?

"Chrysalis, if there's anything I've learned in my many, many, many millenia of existence, despite never having been a true leader myself, it's that a leader often has to make decisions they themselves are unhappy with. But they do it because it's whats best for their subjects."

"I. . . I suppose your right. And after all, if Celestia can imprison her sister in the moon for a thousand years, who's to say I can't make a minor adjustment to my kind's dietary habits. The only issue would be. . ."

"Would be what."

"Well, it's just that I'm not entirely sure that Equestrians and Changleings will be capable of getting along after that whole Canterlot ordeal."

"Really?" ,Discord said with minjor disbelief. "Chrysalis, if I can subjugat Equestria, attempt to conquer it twice after that, and still be forgiven, I don't think you'll have any kind of problem atoning for your past transgressions."

"I hope you're right, draconeq- I mean, Discord."

A silence fell over the room. Chrysalis, whose deepest insecurities were beginning to bubble to the surface, was lost in thought. She had too much on her mind to sleep. She doubted Discord was asleep either.

". . .Discord?"

"Yes, my little monarch?"

"Are they nice?"

"Nicest ponies you'll ever meet. They have a few quirks, and I can't say I like them all equally. I mean, clearly I have a favorite in my precious little Fluttershy. But then, every parent has a favorite child."

"Do you think they'll hate me?"

"If my knowledge of your kind is right, then hatred is almost like a poison to you, is it not? Believe me, if today is anything to judge by, the last thing those girls want to do is hurt you. They saw the good in me, and I'm sure they'll find it in you. Don't worry yourself about it."

"All right. Thank you, Discord."

"No problem, Chryssy. Good night."

"Good night."

The draconequus began to snore almost immediately. Whether he was faking or not, Chrysalis could not tell, but she did not mind. She couldn't sleep anyway. Despite what Discord had said, she was still worried. Not only was she essentially a prisoner here, but her drones back home had no one to lead them. What would they do without her? What if she couldn't adopt the Equestrians views about the so-called magic of friendship? Would her people starve? She kept herself up for quite some time with these thoughts.

But then she came back to Discord's words. Why had he been so kind to her? Why had he bothered to console her? As these new thoughts began to drift through her mind, she felt a fluttering in her stomach and a strange taste coated her tongue. One foreign, but at the same time familiar. And as this mildly disgusting but soothing taste overtook every single one of her taste buds, she couldn't help but smile.

Yes, the taste of friendship was a strange one indeed. But it was a taste she could definitely get used to.