The Napoleons: The Confessions & Revelations Of The Greatest Mafia Family

by Bluecatcinema

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Zecora, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Prince Blueblood, Daring Do
Length: 239859

The memoirs of Grimoire Napoleon, chronicling the history of his life, and the life of his brothers.

Prepare yourself for the true story of our little family. The ups and downs, the tragedies and triumphs, how we came to be who we are today.

- Grimoire Napoleon

(Cover art courtesy of Ebony Stallion)

Published 2015-03-08 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-02 02:35:58 UTC

The Rise Of Grimoire

'Back for more, I see? I imagine you needed a moment to collect your thoughts after the tragedy of the last chapter. If you are brave enough, let us continue, with what followed after that terrible night, in a chapter I like to call...'

Chapter Two: The Rise Of Grimoire

'The funeral took place a few days later. All our friends and allies were in attendance. Even our Changeling friend, Wizel, who actually looked quite spry back then... But I digress.'

The funeral of Anarchy Napoleon took place on a very cloudy day (Clyde had called in some favors at the weather department, wanting the day to match everypony's mood). The attendees numbered in the dozens, all wishing to pay their last respects to Anarchy.

The minister (an old friend of Clyde's) stepped forward to give the eulogy.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a wonderful young stallion." He said solemnly. "Anarchy was a bright, friendly, talented colt, who touched the lives of everypony here. I think I can safely say that we are all better for having known him, and that our lives are a little darker for his passing. Farewell, young Anarchy. Rest in peace."

The rest of the Napoleon family wept as Anarchy's coffin was lowered into the grave. The gravestone accompanying it read:

Anarchy Napoleon

Taken from us too soon

Afterwards, the other attendees gave them words of condolence.

"I can't imagine what you're feeling right now." Shady Shire, one of Clyde's top contacts, told the elder Napoleons. He was a midnight blue Earth Pony, with gray eyes and a hat and shades Cutie Mark. "That Anarchy was one of a kind."

"Ain't that a fact." A buffalo operative agreed.

"He woulda made a great don." A Griffon added.

"My sincerest regrets, old friend." Wizel told Clyde. "Anarchy was a fine young stallion."

"He sure was." Clyde agreed sadly. "We're all gonna miss him. Right, Bonnie?"

Bonnie, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak, simply nodded.

Meanwhile, Grimoire stood at Anarchy's grave, gazing at his coffin.

'Looking into that grave, the pain of that terrible night come back in force. It was almost too much to bear. When the workponies started to fill in the grave, it was all I could do to keep myself from jumping in and allowing myself to be buried too. Instead, I joined my brothers, who all looked to be feeling my pain.'

"This sucks." Slot declared. "Archie's gone, and that slimeball Twitch is still out there."

"No kidding." Vinny agreed. "This is so wrong..."

"He's really gone, isn't he?" Murray sighed.

"Of course he's gone." Salt admonished him. "We all saw it."

"I think what Murray means is that seeing Anarchy placed in that grave has finally hit the fact home." Lars countered.

"Mom's really taking it hard, isn't she?" Sonny observed, as Bonnie continued moping.

"We all are." Grimoire pointed out. "I have to give dad credit, though. I thought he'd be out of his mind with thoughts of vengeance by now. It's really not like him at all..."

'As it turned out, pop did not disappoint. Not long after we returned home, I overheard him in his study, ranting at his top stallions to find and punish Twitch.'

"I want you to find this Twitchy boy, I want him dead!" He yelled. "I want his family dead! I want his house burnt to the ground!"

"I don't think he has a family." Shady shrugged.

"I know." Clyde growled.

"I don't he has a fixed abode, sire." The buffalo operative added.

"I KNOW!!" Clyde roared. "Just find him!"

"Yes, sir!" Shady and the buffalo yelped, racing out of the room.

'Months passed, with no word of Twitch's location. But with each passing day, dad seemed to care less and less. Surprisingly, he seemed to have moved past Anarchy's death and didn't seem to care that Twitch was still out there. But the rest of the family hadn't moved on...'

In the courtyard, Murray was indulging in some target practice. However, each bolt he fired missed the bullseye completely.

"Not again!" He groaned, chucking his crossbow aside. "What is wrong with me?!"

"I can't say, sir." The same servant from before remarked. "Your aim is usually impeccable."

"Not any more." Murray sighed.

In the gym, Salt was working out on his punching bag, but his blows were half-hearted and weak.

"You're not gonna get the best of me, bag!" He lashed out, barely making the bag move.

Lars was working on the family income, but kept making mistakes.

"2+2=5?" He gaped, rubbing his head. "This calculator must be on the fritz!"

Smoke choked the kitchen as, for the first time ever, Sonny had burnt his food.

"I can't believe I forgot to take those out!" He coughed, as he made to extinguish the flames.

Even Slot and Vinny weren't themselves. Vinny hadn't insulted anypony for days, and nothing seemed to get Slot's temper flaring the way it used to.

"Wanna play something?" Vinny asked, as they lay in his bedroom.

"Nope." Slot shook his head.

"Me neither." Vinny sighed.

'Anarchy's departure still weighed heavy on our minds... but none more so than mom's...'

Bonnie sat in the study, staring out of the window, as she often did after the funeral. This behaviour concerned both Clyde and Grimoire.

"Dear, we all miss Anarchy, but moping's not going to change anything." Clyde declared. "You have to cheer up."

"What's the point?" Bonnie sighed. "Death comes for us all sooner or later. Just as it did for Archie..."

"Well, that is a quite valid concern..." Grimoire frowned. "But the point is, you still have all of us. And the foal. I'm sure all this laying around, being depressed isn't helping it."

'At this point, I'm not sure if anything would have changed Caboose from who he is today. They say that sort of thing is decided at conception.'

"Grim's right, darling." Clyde admitted. "Think of the little guy in your belly. You don't want to lose another son, right?"

"No." Bonnie rubbed her engorged belly. "I don't."

"That's the spirit, mom." Grimoire smiled.

"And while that little guy can never replace Anarchy, he will be a welcome addition to this family." Clyde added.

"I know he will." Bonnie smiled. "You're right, boys. I need to pull myself together. For my sake as much as this foal's."

"That's my tough little moll." Clyde hugged his wife. "I knew you'd come back to me."

'As glad as I was to have mom back, it couldn't erase my own feelings. I knew I had made a promise to Anarchy, but I could barely stand living in the manor anymore; Not just because of pop, but because of all the memories. Everywhere I went in those walls, something reminded me of Anarchy. Each room held its own memory. The main hall, in particular; Every time I saw it, I remembered that awful night. Half of me wanted to leave right then and there. Then, fate intervened...'

The next morning, as Grimoire passed by Clyde's study, he overheard Shifty saying something.

"I heard a little something about Twitch hiding out in an abandoned warehouse on the south side of town." Shifty announced. "We're not sure of the veracity of this yet, but as soon as we are, we'll head in after that little weasel."

Grimoire stopped in his tracks.

'Just like that, everything changed. Finally knowing where Twitch was lit a fire in me like never before. I realised fate had given me a chance for revenge. But I knew I couldn't do it alone. There were others who deserved to make that slimeball pay. Wasting no time, I gathered my brothers, out in the courtyard.'

"This better be good, Grim." Murray grumbled. "I was working on my marksponyship."

"Oh, it is." Grimoire smiled. "I know where that filthy traitor Twitch is."

"You do?" Salt gasped.

"Yeah." Grimoire nodded. "He's hiding out in a warehouse on the south side of town.

"Why are you telling us?" Lars asked. "Dad's boys can handle it."

"They can, but they won't." Grimoire declared. "Because we'll get there first."

"We will?" Sonny gaped.

"Come on, fellas." Grimoire urged. "Don't you want to make that piece of filth pay for what he did to Anarchy?"

"You really gotta ask?" Vinny snorted.

"Good." Grimoire smiled. "Now, just follow my lead, and we'll all get us some satisfaction."

"Follow you?" Slot sneered. "Seriously?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Grimoire frowned.

"As a matter of fact, I do." Slot declared. "I think I speak for everypony when I say I don't want to follow the lead of some wussy bookworm!"

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that." Lars frowned. "But essentially, I agree."

"He has a point, Grim." Murray admitted. "No offense, but you're not really the 'leader' type."

"Yeah, you're no Anarchy." Salt agreed.

"I know." Grimoire sighed. "But Anarchy's gone, because of that miserable backstabber. That monster hurt our family, and he has to pay. I may not be the stallion Anarchy was, but I know that family is what matters most in this world. And as a family, we can track Twitch down and make him pay! We'll show him that nopony messes with the Napoleons!"

The brother gazed at Grimoire, shocked.

'I had never spoken with such passion before. Even I was surprised by my own words.'

"Whoa, Grim." Sonny gaped. "You know who you remind me of? Anarchy."

"I... I do?" Grimoire gaped.

"Yep." Murray nodded. "Anarchy just loved to make big speeches like that, remember? You know what, I'm in."

"Me too." Salt grinned.

"And me." Vinny chuckled.

"We're with you all the way." Lars stepped.

"And then some." Sonny added.

"I guess somepony has to lead." Slot admitted grudgingly. "Might as well be you."

'I stood there for a moment, amazed that my brothers were looking to me to lead them.'

"So, what's the plan?" Salt asked.

"Right, the plan." Grimoire snapped out of it. "I'll tell you on the way. Grab your gear, and meet me at the gate. And don't tell dad about this."

The brothers followed suit. After getting prepared, they left the manor, with revenge in mind. Before long, they arrived at the south side's warehouse district. After blasting off the lock to the gates, they sneaked inside.

"Okay, we'll check these warehouses one at a time." Grimoire declared. "If anypony sees him, let out a magic flare with your horn, and wait for the rest of us."

"Got it." Murray nodded.

"Now, before we do go in, do we have everything?" Grimoire asked. "Crossbows?"

The sound of loading crossbows filled the air.

"Check." Sonny nodded.

"Knives?" Grimoire asked.

"Check." Salt drew one.

"Brass hooves?" Grimoire asked.

"Check." Lars slipped his one.

"Beer?" Vinny held up a bottle. "Check!" He started chugging it down.

"That's enough of that." Murray snatched the bottle from him. "You're underage."

"Okay, boys, let's do this!" Grimoire declared as he then blast the lock off the gates.

They split up, and searched the district from top to bottom, with no luck.

"Hellooooo!" Slot called into an empty warehouse. "Huh, sweet acoustics."

"Knock that off!" Salt, cuffed him on the head. "You want him to hear you?"

"Okay, jeez!" Slot groaned.

'As we continued the search, I worried that I may have jumped the gun, and that I should have been sure where Twitch was before dragging everypony down there.'

Just as Grimoire was starting to give up hope, a flare shot up in the direction Lars and Sonny was heading. The rest of the brothers rushed over to his location.

"You found him?" Grimoire asked.

"He's in there." Lars pointed inside a warehouse. "In the back room."

"Okay, let's sneak up and surprise him." Grimoire instructed.

The brothers edged into the warehouse, slipping by crates and boxes, long abandoned. The back room had a curtain over the window, but a small hole revealed Twitch, eating a sandwich, listening to a small radio.

"L-lousy talk shows." He spat. "B-bunch of losers with petty problems. T-try being me for a day..."

"Ready?" Grimoire whispered. The brothers held up their weapons in confirmation. "NOW!!"

The brothers bashed down the door and shattered the window.

"W-what th-?!" Twitch gasped.

"Twitch Cardinal…" Grimoire declared, his voice devoid of any light.

"Grim!" Twitch gasped... before trying to save face, and smiling. "Grim! My main man, h-how's it-"

"Stow it!" Grimiore barked.

"I'mma gonna gut you like a pig!" Slot snarled, pulling out a knife under his crossbow. "I'm gonna rip ya to shreds! I'm gonna stab ya all to f-"

"Whoa, too far, Slot, too far." Salt scolded, not taking his aim off Twitch.

"It's payback time, Twitch." Grimoire growled.

"N-now, now, th-this is all a big misunderstanding." Twitch gulped.

"Misunderstanding?" Murray spat. "You killed our brother!"

"Th-that wasn't me!" Twitch trembled. "A-anarchy could've been stabbed by anypony! You know how rough Gelding Street is!"

"Nopony ever said which street he was stabbed at." Lars pointed out.

Twitch's face went pale.

"Enough talk!" Grimoire declared. "It's time you got what's coming to you!"

"Y-yeah, a-about that..." Twitch rubbed the back of his head. "Nyah!"

Twitch flung the table he was sat at towards the brothers. Instinctively, they all used their magic at once to stop it, buying Twitch time to leap out the broken window.

"L-later, punks!" He taunted.

"He's getting away!" Salt yelled.

"No, he's not!" Grimoire roared. "After him!"

The brothers chased after Twitch, who zig-zagged through the warehouses. Grimoire, remembering the layout, hit upon a plan.

"Salt, Sonny, Lars, go that way!" He pointed to an upcoming corner. "Murray, Vinny, Slot, that way! We'll trap him in a pincer movement!"

"Smart thinking, bro!" Sonny nodded.

Grimoire stayed on Twitch, while the others changed course. When Twitch hit a wall in his path, tried to turn in the direction of the dock, where a boat was waiting, but found Salt, Vinny, and Lars blocking his way, He tried the other way, but Murray, Sonny, and Slot were waiting. Grimoire then confronted him.

"End of the line, Twitch!" He yelled.

"W-we'll see about that, kid." Twitch spat.

"You're going to pay for what you did to Anarchy." Grimoire snarled.

"S-sorry I missed the funeral, by the way." Twitch taunted him. "D-did you get my flowers?"

"You should worry more about your own funeral!" Grimoire charged at him.

The two engaged in a fist fight. While Twitch was bigger, Grimoire was faster, and he knew just where to hit to do the most damage. He lashed out at Twitch's knees, then his stomach, bringing him down. He then leapt on top of him, pummeling him with blow after blow.

"Go, Grim!" Slot cheered, as the brothers came in for a closer look, forming a circle around them.

"Who knew he had it in 'im?" Salt said, impressed.

"S-stop..." Twitch groaned, as Grimoire knocked out a tooth. "P-please... show mercy..."

"I'll show you the same 'mercy' you showed Anarchy, traitor!" Grimoire growled.

He then clutched Twitch's throat, squeezing it tightly. Twitch gasped and gurgled, desperate for air.

'Vengeance seemed within my grasp. I could finally avenge Anarchy, by putting his killer in the dirt. Alas, fate intervened again...'

"Attention! This is the police!" A voice barked. "We have you surrounded!"

The brothers realized that the cops, without their knowing, had arrived on the scene and were closing in.

"Geez, it's the 5-O!" Vinny yelped.

"How did they know we're here?!" Sonny panicked.

"Hello, we did blow the lock off the front gate!" Lars pointed out. "Somepony must have reported it."

"What do we do, man?!" Slot yelled at Grimoire. "I don't wanna go to jail!"

"Yeah, Vinny's not ready to be a bunch of convicts' mare." Salt grimaced.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, who said I was going to be the jailbait?!" Vinny snarled. "If anypony's gonna have a sore bum, it's Lars. He's the skinniest!"

"Oh, no, don't you dare set me out to dry!" Lars glared. "Besides, it's more likely to be Sonny. They don't think much of bakers in the slammer."

"What?!" Sonny yelped.

"Yeah, you'd better watch yourself in the shower, pal." Murray snickered.

"Guys, let me think!" Grimoire roared. The other brothers went silent. "Look, let's just grab Twitch and get the buck out of here!"

"The only pony g-gettin' out of here is me!" Twitch declared. He took advantage of Grimm's momentary distraction to throw him off, as he made a beeline for the boat.

"No! Don't let him leave!" Grimoire roared.

The brothers chased after Twitch, firing crossbow bolts at him. Twitch managed to dodge them and made a leap for the boat.

"YOLO!" Twitch cried as he made a big jump, landing in the boat perfectly. "Nailed it!" Instantly, he kick-start the boat and began taking off just as Grimoire and the brothers reached the edge of the dock. "Later, l-losers!" He let out a loud laugh.

"Oh no, you don't." Grimoire snarled. Without thinking, he snatched Murray's crossbow, and aimed it at Twitch as he continued laughing. "Say goodbye, you son of a-"

"Hold it right there, boy!"

Before Grimoire could make his shot, the crossbow was batted down by none other than Clyde Napoleon.

"Dad?" Grimoire gaped.

"Don't kill him." Clyde urged under his breath. "Not with all these cops around."

"What are you talking about?" Vinny asked. "There's no-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" A nasally voice cried out.

The cops approached them.

"Good afternoon, officers." Clyde declared. "Clyde Napoleon. What brings you here?"

"We got reports of a break-in." The Sergeant declared, in a high-pitched voice.

"I'm sure there's no reason to arrest anypony." Clyde announced. "These boys aren't doing anything wrong."

"You know these troublemakers, sir?" The sergeant asked.

"Oh, yes." Clyde nodded. "They're my boys."

"Really?" The Sergeant asked. "Care to explain why they're breaking into warehouses?"

"Oh, they just love exploring. You know how we all get at that age" Clyde lied. "Boys will be boys."

"Oh, yeah, then what's with the crossbows?" The sergeant challenged.

"Shooting cans." Clyde answered swiftly. "I keep tellin' them to do it at home, but I guess they wanted a change of scenery."

The Lieutenant then got a message on his radio.

"Well, they haven't stolen anything, sir." The Lieutenant pointed out.

"Well, I suppose we can let them off with a warning." The sergeant shrugged. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Yes, officer." Clyde nodded. "And I promise you, come next policestallion's ball, you'll get a good recommendation..." He read his tag, "Sergeant... Anous?"

"It was my father's name." The Sergeant shrugged. "But thank you so much, Mr Napoleon." He turned to his men. "We're done here, boys. Let's see if anypony is jaywalking."

After the police departed, Clyde turned to his sons.

"This was all Grim's idea!" Vinny yelped. "I was just going with what the others were doin'!"

"Boys, home." Clyde said sternly.

'Following our return to the manor, pop gathered us in his study, wanting a word. And I had a few words for him...'

"Why did you ruin the one chance I had at killing Twitch?!" Grimoire barked.

"You know why." Clyde said flatly, as he glanced at all of them. "Going off on your own, breaking into private property in broad daylight, with the intent of killing a pony of whom we have no actual evidence of him killing somepony? You all best be thankful that I stopped you before one of the cops saw you ready to shoot!"

"But if you had only given me a few more seconds..." Grimoire snarled.

"You would be behind bars for attempted murder." Clyde frowned. "And for what?"

"For what?" Grimoire gaped. "For what?!"

'Now this part is something I am not particularly proud of. It didn't take me much to lose it back then, but when it came to Anarchy... well...'

"OUR BROTHER IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM!" Grimoire roared, stomping his hoof.

The brothers stood back, surprised and cowed by Grimoire's sudden burst of anger. Even Clyde was taken aback.

"These past few months has been nothing but Tartarus on me and my brothers!" Grimiore screamed. "We've been suffering, just like mom! And I can't even walk through this mansion without seeing Anarchy's bloodied corpse! And while all of us are suffering, you act like everything is okay, business as usual!"

"That's enough." Clyde frowned. "Getting angry isn't going to fix things."

"What is wrong with you?" Grimoire seethed. "How can you go about your day knowing that your 'pride and joy' is dead? Or is it that you don't even care that Anarchy is dead? Is that it-"

Clyde struck Grimoire across the face. The brothers winced.

"You watch your mouth!" Clyde snarled, his eyes burning fiercely. "I do care about Anarchy. I never stopped caring." He shook his head, "Every time I go to sleep, I wish I could grab Twitch's skinny-flank body and tear it apart over and over, just so Anarchy would come back!" Then he glared directly at Grimm, "But when I wake up, I remember that Anarchy is never coming back! He's dead... he's gone..."

His anger seem to have faded, as a bit of tear struck his eyes. The boys looked at him with worry and sympathy

"What's wrong with dad?" Slot frowned. "I've never seen that look on him before."

"Me neither." Vinny agreed.

"Dad..." Grimoire muttered.

Clyde then returned the gaze to the boys, his face becoming stern.

"It took me months to finally come to term with that. And that I can't waste the rest of my life seeking vengeance. Not when I have our empire and my family to think about. You and everypony in this mansion and all around the world look up to me as their leader. I can't neglect them because I'm hurting." Clyde declared wisely, as he then gave a stern glare at Grimoire. "And I'd advise you to think the same way, Grim. I can't have the next don of the Napoleon Empire behind bars, now can I?"

"Say what?" Murray gasped.

"Don?!" Slot spluttered. "Him?! You're joking, right?"

"He's the last guy that should be in charge!" Vinny added.

"I think your calculations are a little off, dad." Lars admitted.

"It's a recipe for disaster, alright." Sonny agreed.

"Talk about a misfire..." Murray shook his head.

"Hold on, I thought I was clear! I don't want to be don." Grimoire growled. "I want to be a writer."

"I don't wanna hear it." Clyde glared. "Believe me, I'm not over the moon about this either, but the legacy of our family has to live on, and by rule of mobsterdom, the title of don can only go to the don's eldest son! And since Anarchy is dead, it's all on you! You, and you have to take care of this family after I'm gone."

"But I'm not don material!" Grimoire protested. "I'm not-"

"Grim." Clyde cut him off. "Please. For once in your life, think about your Faust-damn blood. Because like it or not, you are a Napoleon. My, and Anarchy's legacy, has to live on through you."

"But I..." Grimoire began to refuse, then trailed off, as he began to notice something about his father.

'At that moment, I noticed something about pop. He looked so weary, so strained. I hadn't really noticed until then, but he'd changed in the months following Anarchy's death. Something was wrong, and I began to fear resisting him would make it worse...'

"...Okay." Grimoire sighed. "I'll do it. I'll become the new don."

"That's my boy." Clyde gave him a rare smile.

At that moment, one of the servants entered the room.

"Sir, Bonnie has gone into labor!" He declared.

"What? Now?!" Clyde gasped. "Not without me, she's not!"

"Or us!" Murray added.

"Come on, guys!" Grimoire urged.

"Right behind ya... don." Salt grinned.

Clyde rushed out of the room, followed by the others.

'I'll spare you the grisly details of the birth. I mean, surely if you are reading this, you are old enough to comprehend where foals come from. And it wasn't anything special, there was screaming, crying, my mother threatening to do things to our father that only a stallion could do to a mare. In the end, our baby brother was born, and our mother has taken back all the things she said she was going to do to pops... at least, I think she did... but that's aside the point...'

The Napoleon males were gathered around Bonnie, who held their new member in her hooves. Caboose was a small dark brown bundle of fur, an odd smile on his sleeping face.

"Meet your new brother, boys." She smiled. "Meet Caboose James Napoleon."

"You're really going with that?" Vinny frowned. "Caboose?"

"Yes, we are." Clyde declared.

"But why?" Vinny asked, "Why not after a crime like us, like 'Theft', or 'Extortion', or 'Ra'-"

"First off, my uncle Ra-pee had been allegedly accused hundreds of time because of that name, and two, he is named after easily my favorite character of the book I'm reading." Clyde smirked.

"What, the 'Blood Gulch Chronicles', the one with the space marines?" Vinny frowned.

"Yes. Do you want to make something of it?" Clyde glared.

"...Nope, not at all." Vinny shied away.

"He's not a bad-looking little runt, huh?" Murray smiled.

"Cute little nipper." Salt agreed.

"You mean 'handsome'." Clyde smirked. "Just like his dad."

"Another member for our little family." Sonny grinned. "If only Archie could see him now..."

"Strong chin, sturdy frame..." Lars appraised him. "All in all, a fine young colt."

"I don't like his face." Slot admitted.

"Slot!" Salt elbowed him.

"What?" Slot shrugged. "He looks weird! He seems to have this 'herp-derp' look on him."

"Looks like somepony's jealous that he isn't the youngest anymore." Vinny mused in a sing-song voice.

"That's it!" Slot blew up as he grabbed Vinny and dragged him outside, as sounds of fighting ensues.

"I'll go take of it." Clyde sighed, as he left to break up the fight.

"Good to see they're back to normal." Lars said sarcastically.

"Do you want to hold him, Grim?" Bonnie asked.

"...Sure." Grimoire nodded.

Grimoire held the newborn in his hooves. The little brown foal wiggled a bit, not recognizing the feel of his mother's hooves, and he opened his little green eyes to see his oldest brother for the first time... and when he did, he gave a small smile.

"Aw, Grim, he likes you." Bonnie smiled warmly.

"How about that..." Grimm silently chuckled, as he gazed down at his brother, "Hey, Caboose... I'm Grimiore... but you can call me Grim..."

'It was that moment that I remembered the promise I made to Anarchy...

"Take care of our little brother, okay? He's gonna have to look to you... for guidance. Make sure he's brought up right... ya hear?"

"I promise..." Grimoire whispered, a tear falling from his eye as he glanced down at his baby brother lovingly. "I promise I will always be there for you..."

'And to this day, I always kept that promise. And while there were many hardships and challenges that would follow that day, I never forgot it. As Faust as my witness, I swore to uphold Anarchy's dying wish, no matter what.'

'Many years later, I would come to see the fruits of my promise, as we ended up in a similar, but altogether different situation, when Caboose's daughter, Hurricane, was born...

"I can't believe I did that!"

"Oh, come on, Caboose, it happens to everypony." Grimm frowned.

"Really? What kind of expectant father faints at the first sight of blood?!" Caboose groaned.

"I don't know, but it was freakin' hilarious!" Slot bellowed, as he laughed hard.

"Slot!" Grimoire elbowed Slot.

"What? It was!" Slot protested.

Today was a special day. Caboose's wife, Daring Do, had just gone into labor, and Grimm and his brothers rushed to the hospital Caboose and Daring went to as support, alongside Grimm's daughter Dusty and her husband Blueblood. However, mere minutes after Caboose went in to support Daring, the doctors came back out, dragging Caboose's fainted body. Apparently, the moment the birthing process began, Caboose went out like a light.

And now, Caboose was fraught with worry and concern as others tried to console him.

"I just can't believe I fainted." Caboose frowned. "I accidentally eviscerated Adam the Clown when I tripped him onto his chainsaws and saw him laugh while he died in his own blood, yet when I saw Daring's v-v-" His eyes went back as he was about to faint, only to be slapped by Salt, "Thanks, Salt."

"Hey, it's understandable that you fainted. You're about to have a kid of your own." Salt sat back down in his seat. "I came close to fainting whenever I had a pregnancy scare with one of my one-night stands."

"Sorry if that doesn't make me feel better." Caboose frowned, as he sighed. "Oh, I can't begin to think how bad Daring is hurting in there, and I'm not there to help her."

"I wouldn't worry, Caboose." Dusty assured, "Daring's a tough mare."

"Indeed. If she could survive deathtraps and the assault of a freaky gorilla-cat-thing, then childbirth should be a walk in the park." Blueblod mused.

"I guess you're right." Caboose sighed. "But what if this is a sign? What if I'm not ready to be a father?"

"Of course you are." Grimoire assured him.

"Yeah." Vinny agreed. "You're like a kid yourself, so the foal'll love ya!"

Grimoire elbowed Vinny, though a bit harder.

"Trust me, I felt the same way when Dusty was born." Grimoire declared. "But those doubts faded when I first held her in my hooves."

"That's how it worked for me, too." Blueblood added.

"Trust us, uncle Caboose, you'll be great." Dusty added.

"Yeah, to be honest, out of all of us, I always thought you'd make the best father." Sonny smirked.

"Yes, it stands to reason." Lars nodded. "You've always been great with kids, remember?"

"That foal's gonna love ya, bro." Murray declared.

"You see, Caboose?" Grimoire smiled. "Any child would be lucky, blessed even, to have you for a father."

"...Thanks, guys." Caboose grinned with a warm smile. "You're right. I'm gonna be the best dad ever!"

"There's the Caboose we know." Grimm smirked.

Suddenly, the doors open, as the doctor came out.

"The birth is over." He announced. "Come this way, Mr Napoleon."

"You got it, doc." Caboose smiled. "Come on, guys..."

The doctor lead the group to Daring's room, as the mare in question laid in bed on her side facing the door, her mane a bit ragged, and her eyes had bags under them, and her wings drooping, exhausted beyond all reason. However, as soon as she saw Caboose come in the room, she smiled.

"Caboose..." Daring whispered.

"Daring." Caboose rushed over to her side, "I... I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I don't know w-"

"Shh..." Daring shushed him with a hoof. "It's fine, Caboose... but do try to keep it down... you'll wake her."

"Wake her?" Caboose repeated.

"Caboose James Napoleon..." Daring gave a warm smile. "I would like you to meet our daughter..." She lifted her wing to reveal a small baby Pegasus filly, with her mother's coat color and black mane, nuzzling against her mother.

"Daughter..." Caboose gasped silently, as he slowly picked up the filly in his hooves, cradling her. "I have a baby girl..."

"Congrats, bro." Salt smiled.

"Who knew you had it in you?" Murray joked.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry..." Lars sniffed.

"I didn't..." Sonny started tearing up.

"Welcome to the club." Blueblood grinned.

"She's so cute..." Dusty cooed.

"Got that right." Vinny agreed. "A real doll..."

"Looks kinda funny to me." Slot shrugged. "Like father, like daughter, I guess..."

Caboose remain silent, as he gazed upon his daughter, as tears of pride stream down his face.

"Caboose, you feeling alright?" Grimoire asked.

"I don't know..." Caboose stifled a sob. "My heart feels weird, my eyes are watering, and I can't stop smiling... am I having a stroke?"

"No, Caboose. That's pride you're feeling. Fatherly pride." Grimoire smiled. "It happens to all fathers when they witness the birth of their foal."

"Oh, that's nice." Caboose whimpered, as he looked at his sleeping daughter, snoozing silently. "Wouldn't it be a total bummer if I did have a stroke right now?"

"...Welcome to fatherhood, Caboose." Grimoire congratulated him, "You're earned it."

"Thanks, Grim." Caboose whispered, wiping his tears.

"So what are you naming the little critter, anyway?" Murray asked.

"Oh, me and Daring had that figured out a while ago. We're calling her Hurricane." Caboose smiled.

"Hurricane?" Salt frowned. "Seriously? First, Dusty Donut Speck-Napoleon, then Pureblood Thor Crest and Vito Loki Crest... if you think I'm going to address my niece by 'Hurricane', I'm going to backhoof you. Honestly, what kind of cockamamie name-"

"Actually, it was my grandmother's name." Daring said suddenly, glaring at Salt. "Caboose only agreed because he believed it was an awesome name... and I agree with him."

"...And it's a lovely name." Salt switched opinions.

Caboose returned the sleeping Hurricane to Daring's embrace.

"She's beautiful." Caboose smiled. "Just like her mother."

But there's a little of her dad in there." Daring added. "Her incredible, amazing dad..."

"Aww..." Caboose cooed, as he and Daring kissed.

"So, Caboose... the time has come." Vinny declared.

"Time for what?" Caboose asked, confused.

"Um, did you forget what you said when Pureblood and Vito were born?" Murray pointed out. "It was to our understanding that when you had foals of your own, you would pick one of us to be the godfather."

"Oh, right..." Caboose mused, "I guess with all the excitement, I kinda forgot about it."

"So... who are you gonna pick?" Salt asked.

"Hmm... you know, I think I'm going to leave it up to this." Caboose held up a hoofful of straws. "The one with the shortest gets to be the godfather."

"Are you serious?" Slot deadpanned. "We're going to play this game again?"

"Come on, couldn't you make a decision of your own?" Vinny frowned.

"Well, if you don't want to be Hurricane's godfather, you don't have to play." Caboose smirked.

The brothers went silent.

"To hay with that." The six middle brothers all said at once, as they each picked a straw. When they finished, they realized they were all the same size.

"What the-?" Lars gaped, as he compared it to the others. "They're the same!"

"Gotcha!" Caboose chuckled. "That's for twenty years of cheating me at this game!"

"...So... what does that mean? Who's the godfather?" Salt asked, not comprehending the situation.

"I dunno." Caboose shrugged. "I guess you guys will have to fight among yourselves for it. Maybe whoever can tolerate the greatest amount of pain will be the winner."

*SHINK*

Everypony's eyes darted to Vinny, who had stabbed himself in the shoulder.

"Vinny!" All brothers gaped.

"What?!" Vinny winced, struggling to keep it in. "I wasn't about to lose!"

"Um, Vinny, I was just joking about the pain-tolerance thing." Caboose stammered.

"...Oh, now he tells me." Vinny deadpanned. "Well, Caboose, you won't be the only pony to faint today... Nerds." With that, he fell to the ground.

'Ah, Caboose. To think, he was once a foal himself, and went on to have a foal of his own. And Vinny became Hurricane's godfather by inflicting bodily harm upon himself. Life's funny like that. You never know what could happen and what your actions may bring upon others. However, our story is still just beginning. And I had a much bigger challenge ahead of me than that of becoming the don... but you'll just have to stick around to find out.'

The Family Way

'Ah, back again, I see? After the maudlin seriousness of the last couple of chapters, let's bring things down for a moment.'

'Here's a little-known fact about our family: every few years, we would go on a trip down to a location of our choosing for spring break, usually somewhere exotic, and they usually turned out to be the best days of our lives. Why, during my first spring break as a young teen, Anarchy and I travelled to Kenyolk, where I lost my virginity to Zebra twins. Then there was my trip to Fetland, where I met a lovely Reindeer gal who was very... creative in the use of her antlers. Ah, those were the days...'

'Of course, the first trip we took after Anarchy's death (well over a decade after, in fact), to a degree, was nothing like the ones that came before. First off, it was Caboose's first spring break, and I had to strong-hoof my brothers into allowing him to win the straw drawing game that would take us to the Palomino Canals. As hard as I tried, I was unable to enjoy it due to the pressures of becoming the next don. My father had been ridin' my flanks about learning all there was about commanding the Napoleon empire before he stepped down, and that spring break was probably the only time of relief I got from my father... not that it helped.'

'While my brothers partied, drank, and get laid, I struggled not to collapse under the weight of my new responsibilities. But then, dear Caboose came along, and set me up with the beautiful Sandstorm "Sandy" Speck, my future first wife. Although he practically forced us together, I wasn't complaining. We walked along the beach, took a swim, and just enjoyed each others' company. After our romantic activities, I took the liberty of escorting Sandy home...'

Grimoire and Sandy stopped outside her front door.

"So, I guess this is it." Grimoire sighed. "I had a really great time today, Sandy."

"So did I." Sandy grinned. "You're such a sweetheart, Grim."

"And you're the loveliest mare I've ever met." Grimoire added.

"Flatterer." Sandy cooed, as she opened the door. "Say, would you like to come in for some coffee."

"I don't care for coffee." Grimoire admitted.

"Neither do I." Sandy purred.

Before Grimoire could react, Sandy grabbed him and pulled him inside.

'What happened next is best left to the imagination. Suffice to say, coffee was the last thing on our minds. What followed was one of the greatest weeks of my life, easily outclassing my loss of virginity to the Zebra twins. But you never know when things will take a sudden turn for the worst. How much worse, you may ask? Well, you will soon find out, in what I call:'

Chapter Three: The Family Way

It was morning, and Grimoire was in his room, packing up all his belongings. He was humming the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Polka Dot Bikini".

"It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini that she wore for the first time today, an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, so in the locker she wanted to stay..." He smiled widely, about to sing another verse.

There was a knock on the door.

"It's open!" Grimoire called.

The door opened, and Caboose and the other brothers came in.

"Hey, Grim." Murray smiled. "Getting ready to go?"

"Oh, yes." Grimoire nodded. "I tell ya, I'm kinda sad this break is over. I had a good time."

"Really?" Sonny mused. "Because last I heard, you were moping at the beach bar, not wanting to do anything but go home."

"Yeah, what gives?" Salt added.

"Oh, nothing..." Grimoire gave a sly chuckle.

"Oh, I know that chuckle." Vinny smirked. "Ol' Grim here got laid!"

"And by the size of your smile and number of springs in your step, it was a recurring occasion throughout the entire break." Lars observed.

"You sly dog!" Slot chuckled.

"Who knew our former bookworm had it in him?" Murray smiled.

"Oh, I knew you and Sandy would hit it off nicely!" Caboose cheered.

"Sandy?" Murray repeated. "Wait, you know the mare Grim's been mating with?"

"Well, yeah, I was the one who set them up." Caboose boasted.

"You?!" The other brothers gasped.

"Don't sound so surprised, guys." Grimoire grinned. "Caboose actually makes for a good wingpony."

"Seriously?" Salt snorted.

"Maybe on a kamikaze mission..." Vinny snickered.

"Very funny, guys." Caboose huffed.

"So, tell us more about this Sandy mare." Murray urged.

"Yeah, was she hot?" Vinny asked.

"Oh, definitely." Grimoire nodded.

"Long legs?" Salt asked.

"Yep." Grimoire nodded.

"Supple flanks?" Sonny added.

"Mm-hmm." Grimoire grinned.

"Perfect curves?" Lars inquired.

"Yeah..." Grimoire sighed.

"And the mating?" Slot smirked.

"Oh, it was the most fan-f-" Grimoire started.

'I'd like to interrupt myself for a moment to point that I will censoring certain parts of dialogue in this chapter. Rather than subject you to my youthful recap, I will simply say that I had a marvelous time with Sandy, and that she was a wonderful lover... and her hips would make Xenia Onyaflanks jealous.'

"...And that was all the things she could do with her back left hoof." Grimoire finished, pulling off an odd gesture.

The brothers whistled.

"Dang, Grim." Salt said appreciatively. "And here I thought I struck it rich with those models down at the cabana."

"Lars, what's a 'BLEEP'?" Slot asked.

"You don't want to know." Lars cringed.

"Well, I am happy for you, Grim... do you think you will be bringing this mare back home to Bitaly?" Caboose asked.

"Oh no, that's out of the question." Grimoire shook his head.

"Aw, why not?" Caboose pouted. "You two would make a cute couple."

"Well, one, I don't think Pa would be happy with me bringing home an Earth Pony." Grimoire declared. "He likes to keep it in the family genus. And two... we're mobsters."

"Oh, yeah." Murray nodded. "Let's say Sandy's as into Grim as he said she is. You think that'll stick when Grim's revealed to be the son of a mafia don?"

"...I don't know." Caboose shrugged.

"Well, we do." Vinny declared. "She'll run for the hills."

"Or call the cops." Sonny added.

"Or blab to rival families." Murray frowned, "It's risky business, I tell you."

"In other words, you've gotta cut ties with her." Salt told Grimoire. "It's best for everypony; Saves a lotta heartbreak all around."

"Exactly." Grimoire nodded sadly.

"Well, will you at least say good bye to her, Grim?" Caboose asked.

"I suppose she deserves that much-" Grimoire sighed.

There was a knock on the door. The brothers were confused.

"That's odd." Salt frowned. "Were you expecting anyone?"

"No." Grimoire replied. "I wonder who it could be..." He went to the door and opened it to reveal Sandy. "...Sandy?"

"Hey, Grim..." Sandy smiled nervously.

"What are you doing here?" Grimoire asked. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Sorry, it's just that I had to see you before you left for wherever it is you come from... can I come in?" Sandy asked.

"Um, sure..." Grimoire stepped aside to let her in.

Sandy was caught off guard by all of Grimoire's brothers.

"Whoa." She gaped. "I thought you only had one or two brothers, not seven."

"Well, you know what they say." Grimoire smiled. "Seven's a lucky number."

"You don't say..." Sandy snorted.

"Let me introduce to everypony." Grimoire led Sandy around the room. "This is Murray..."

"A pleasure." Murray grinned.

"Salt..."

"'Sup." Salt smiled.

"Vinny..."

"How you do, pretty lady." Vinny nodded.

"Sonny..."

"Grim's a lucky guy, that's for sure." Sonny beamed.

"Lars..."

"Felicitations, fair lady." Lars smiled.

"And Slot." Grimoire finished.

"Hey, babe." Slot smirked. "You wouldn't happen to have any twin sisters I could get with?"

"Sorry, no." Sandy chuckled.

"And you remember Caboose, right?" Grimoire gestured to Caboose.

"Hey, Sandy!" Caboose waved his hoof gleefully.

"Oh, hey, Caboose." Sandy gave a small smile, but it soon faded as she glanced around. "It's very nice to meet you all, but I didn't exactly come here to socialize."

"Then why are you here?" Grimoire asked.

"Well, it's..." Sandy hesitated. "I've got something to show you..."

Sandy dug into her saddlebag, and pulled out a pregnancy test.

"...Uh, Sandy, what is this?" Grimoire asked.

"It's a pregnancy test, Grim." Sandy declared. "I've been feeling weird all week. I've been throwing up in the mornings, having mood swings... So I tried this. Look at the stick."

Grimm glanced at it... and it had a +.

"I'm pregnant, Grim... and you're the father." Sandy revealed.

'And that's when everything went to 'BLEEP!''

Grimoire was slack-jawed, as were the brothers. Caboose suddenly cheered

"Congratulations, Grim-oof!" He stopped as Slot sucker-punched him.

'I was absolutely shocked. I was just barely out of my teen years, and there I was, being told I was going to be a father.'

"Sandy, I... I..." Grimoire stuttered.

"I know it's a lot to take in." Sandy sighed. "But I thought you'd want to know."

"I... I... I..." Grimiore was stuck in a continuous loop.

"Um, Grim?" Sandy frowned.

"Could you excuse us one moment?" Murray asked, casting glances at the older brothers to come with, as he dragged the frozen Grimm in the other room. "Caboose, Slot, please keep the lovely expectant mare company, will you?"

"Aye-aye!" Caboose saluted.

"Don't have to tell me twice." Slot smirked.

As soon as the six entered the next room (which happened to be the bathroom), and the door was shut, Grimiore stopped stuttering... and immediately darted to the toilet.

"Oh my-BLARGH!" Grimiore panicked, throwing up his stomach's content into the toilet.

"What did you do, Grim?!" Murray demanded.

"I don't know!" Grimiore groaned, still heaving.

"You got a freakin' mare pregnant!" Sonny yelled, "How could you let this happen?!"

"I don't know!" Grimiore repeated.

"This is a disaster!" Vinny screamed.

"How could you forget to use a contraception spell?" Murray admonished Grimoire. "Just like pop taught us!"

"I don't know!" Grimoire yelled, trying his best not to lose it. "It just... happened!"

"Good going, Grim." Vinny declared. "You know how badly you've bucked things up for us?"

"Excuse me?" Grimoire frowned.

"You know what he means." Lars glared at him. "This could ruin everything!"

"Way to go, bro." Sonny shook his head. "You could bring us all down with you."

"Don't you all think you are all overreacting a bit?" Grimoire said timidly.

"Overreacting?" Salt growled. "You probably just single-handily destroyed us! Our family name is done for!"

"He's right." Lars nodded. "This could destroy our reputation!"

"We'll be turned into laughing stocks!" Sonny agreed.

"Ohh, pop is gonna lose it!" Murray quivered. "He's never been big on the idea of just getting with other breeds."

"When he finds out you got one pregnant, he'll tear you a new one... if you're lucky!" Vinny told Grimoire.

"Everypony, just let me think!" Grimiore barked. The brothers clammed up, but not before glaring at him. "Look, I know this looks bad, but we can figure this out! For starters, we should bring Sandy back to Bitaly." Grimoire declared. "If our enemies find out she's carrying my foal, she'd be in real danger."

"So?" The other brothers asked.

"What do you mean, 'so'?" Grimoire growled. "We can't in good conscience let that happen to her."

"Speak for yourself." Vinny snorted.

"Yeah, I ain't about to risk our family name for some girl you got knocked up!" Salt glared.

"I'm the oldest, and you'll do as I say!" Grimoire yelled.

"Not if it drags our name through the mud!" Murray yelled.

"We're screwed!" Vinny despaired.

"Logically, what you're suggesting is a terrible move." Lars told Grimoire.

"Buck logic!" Grimoire yelled.

"We're screwed!" Vinny repeated.

"It's a recipe for disaster, alright." Sonny declared. "We oughta just cut our losses and leave."

"Not without Sandy!" Grimoire insisted.

"We're screwed!" Vinny yelled again.

Meanwhile, Sandy watched the bathroom door with concern as she overheard the brothers arguing.

"So... how've ya been?" Caboose asked, struggling to make some small talk.

"Seriously?" Sandy groaned. "You know how I've been. I just told you!"

"Easy, lady." Slot declared. "All that anger can't be good for the foal."

"It's not really even a foal yet." Sandy pointed out.

"Whatever." Slot shrugged. "You're gonna be one hot momma either way."

"Maybe I should leave." Sandy said awkwardly, a little disturbed by the turn in conversation. "Come back at a better time..."

"Wait, please don't go." Caboose stepped in front of Sandy. "We were, uh... about to throw you a 'Congratulations on finding out you're pregnant' party!"

"Sorry, Caboose." Sandy sighed. "I'm not really in a party mood."

"Yes, you are." Caboose countered.

"No, I'm not." Sandy frowned.

"Yes, you are!" Caboose yelled.

"No, I'm not!" Sandy bellowed. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go."

Sandy walked towards the door.

"Not so fast..." Slot growled, picking up a desk lamp.

Meanwhile, Grimoire still arguing.

"Just forget it, Grim!" Salt declared. "It's too risky!"

"Yeah, like jumping into a Quarray eel nest!" Vinny agreed.

"I know it is." Grimoire declared. "But I care too much for Sandy to just leave her behind like that. I have to do what I know is right. And if you care for me as your brother at all, then you'll-"

The sounds of Sandy screaming interrupted Grimoire.

"Sandy?!" Grimm gasped.

The brothers immediately rushed out to find a stupefied Caboose, a peeved Slot with a broken lamp in his hooves, and a knocked out Sandy on the floor.

"He did it." Caboose pointed unnecessarily to Slot.

"What did you do?!" Grimiore yelled, gripping Slot by the jacket.

"Relax, I just knocked her out!" Slot glared.

"And what did you do that for?!" Grimoire roared.

"Because she was about to split!" Slot shot back. "Besides, you oughta be thanking me! It sounded like you wanted to bring her along, and now you can, with no fuss!"

"Well, Slot does have a point." Lars pointed out.

"I don't care!" Grimoire yelled, still focused on Slot. "You just assaulted my marefriend!"

"She didn't give me a choice!" Slot protested.

"There's no time to argue!" Murray told them, pulling Grimoire away. "That scream would have probably drawn some attention. We'd better skedaddle pronto, before somepony decides to check it out!"

"Looks like you get your wish after all, Grim." Salt pointed out.

"Lucky you." Sonny added.

"Not how I wanted our vacation to end, but beggars can't be choosy." Vinnie shrugged. "Anytime, Grim?"

Grimoire glanced at Sandy's unconscious form, and sighed.

"Okay." He said sternly. "Let's move."

'I found the thought of kidnapping Sandy repellent, but I had to do what I thought was right. It didn't stop me from feeling tremendously guilty, though...'

Moments later, they snuck out of the hotel, Sandy hidden under a sheet. They made their way to their Griffon-drawn carriage, and hid her inside the trunk. Just as the brothers was about to close the trunk, Caboose quickly adjusted her body so that it was comfortable.

"What are you doing?" Salt asked.

"What? Because we are kidnapping her doesn't mean she can't be comfy." Caboose pouted. "Besides, she's carrying little Grim in her belly."

"Could we not give this thing a name?" Slot glared. "It's already giving us enough trouble!"

"Just stow it, Slot!" Grimiore growled, as he and the brothers climbed into the carriage. "Take us home, please." He ordered the griffins.

"Yes, sir." One nodded, and they took off into the air.

Hours later, the carriage arrived back at the manor, with Clyde waiting there for them. The brothers got out, all a bit nervous from what they just did...

"Boys, welcome home!" Clyde smiled. "How did my strapping young lads enjoy their spring break?"

"It was okay." Murray shrugged.

"Yeah." Salt nodded. "Sand, sea, sun... all that jazz."

"Same old, same old." Vinny agreed.

"Nothing really big went down, if that's what you're asking." Slot declared.

"Oh no..." Clyde frowned.

"What?" Grimoire asked.

"I know you guys' faces when you're hiding something... who did Vinny insult this time?" Clyde asked accusingly.

"Hey, why you assumin' I did something?" Vinny growled.

"Sorry, it's a force of habit." Clyde shrugged. "...Did you-?"

"No!" Vinny yelled.

"Okay... who did Salt sleep with and won't leave him alone?" Clyde asked.

"Not that, pa. Thankfully..." Salt sighed.

"Who did Slot injure or kill this time?" Clyde pressed on.

"Hey, that's profiling!" Slot said indignantly.

"Okay..." Clyde growled, getting annoyed with the guessing game. "Did Slot knock down a liquor store?"

"No." Slot growled.

"Did Slot rob a bank?" Clyde continued.

"Not actually." Lars shook his head, as Slot grew angrier.

"Did Slot try to sell cheap knock-off watches again?" Clyde asked.

"For Faust's sake, Grim got a mare pregnant!" Slot burst out.

"Slot!" Grimoire yelled.

Clyde glanced at Slot... before chuckling.

"What? Grim?" He smiled. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. Grim gone and bucked a mare and knocked her up." Slot revealed.

"Sure he did." Clyde said skeptically. "And here I thought Vinny was the funny one, right, boys?" The brothers weren't laughing. "...Slot is joking, right?" The brothers were silent. "Right?"

Suddenly, there was muffled screaming as the trunk was being banged on.

"...And we kidnapped her." Slot added.

"...My Faust, you guys aren't kidding." Clyde groaned. He turned to Grimoire, angry. "You stupid son of a-BLEEP!"

Clyde stormed over to the carriage and opened the trunk... only to be kicked in the face by Sandy.

"Gah!" He yelped.

"Where am I?" Sandy gasped, panicked and angry. "Where the buck have you taken me?"

"Sandy..." Grimoire reached out.

"I've gotta get out of here!" Sandy yelled, running towards the gates.

"Guess again!" Clyde followed.

Before Sandy could get even close to the gates, Clyde jumped atop her.

"HELP! HELP! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!" Sandy screamed.

"Good Faust, would you just shut up?!" Clyde snarled, as he pressed his hoof tightly around her mouth. The mare struggled to break free... only for the lack of oxygen to conk her out. Rubbing his bruised snout, Clyde then turned around and faced his eldest son, full of anger.

"Everypony inside." He hissed. "Now!"

Some time later, after placing their uncompliant visitor in the guest room, the brothers and their father were gathered in the study.

'Ah, what a familiar scene. And father was still as formidable as ever.'

"...What did you do?" Clyde glared deeply at Grimoire.

"I... brought my summer love home?" Grimoire said nervously.

"I'm not talking about bringing her here!" Clyde yelled. "Though that is a problem... that you clearly all made!" The brothers cringed. "I'm talking about you knocking her up!"

"Oh, that." Grimoire gulped.

"How could you do something so stupid?" Clyde growled. "Impregnate a mare out of wedlock? An Earth Pony mare, no less! You've jeopardized the entire Napoleon empire with this stunt!"

"I didn't mean to!" Grimoire protested. "It just... happened!"

"Did I teach you nothing about safe intercourse?!" Clyde snarled, "Heck, with all the scares Salt got, you would had known better!"

"I know, and I'm sorry!" Grimiore growled.

"Sorry ain't gonna cut it, Grim!" Clyde glared. "Of all the stupidest things I've ever seen... why an Earth Pony mare, Grim?! It was bad enough entertaining your lust for zebras, but an Earth Pony? I'm not a racist, but this family has been nothing but Unicorns for fifty generations! And now all that is going down the drain because you had to stick it to this bimbo!"

"She is not a bimbo!" Grimm snapped. "She's smart, and beautiful, and fun, and... carrying my foal..."

"And now we've gotta deal with it." Clyde frowned. "Maybe we should just kill her. That'll solve all our problems..."

"What?!" Grimoire gasped. "No way!"

"Fine, then we'll make her get an abortion." Clyde shrugged. "It's just a fetus after all."

"We can't!" Grimoire yelped.

"Why not?" Clyde asked.

"Because suggesting abortion would make the readers hate us?" Caboose suggested.

'Ah, this was one of Caboose's first steps out of the so-called 'fourth wall'. Too bad it was with such a distasteful subject'

"No, because... because..." Grimiore sighed, "It's my foal. I'm responsible for it, and I don't want it hurt!"

"You said it, Grim." Caboose smiled.

"Shut up, Caboose!" Slot spat.

"Yeah, this is your fault, really!" Lars added.

"You're the one who hooked them up in the first place!" Sonny agreed.

"So I'm a romantic." Caboose shrugged. "Sue me!"

"Ho, I'll do more than that!" Slot growled, cracking his hooves.

"What's going on in here?" Bonnie entered the room. "What's with all the yelling?"

"Grim got a girl pregnant." Clyde declared. "And to make matters worse, he's brought her here."

"My boy's going to be a daddy?" Bonnie gasped. "How wonderful!"

"No, it's not!" Clyde growled. "She's an Earth Pony! Think of the scandal! Grim's going to be the don! He has no time to be fathering some dumb kid!"

"Oh, hush, Clyde. Leave it to you to make a big spectacle out of the littlest things..." Bonnie snorted. "Where is the proud mother-to-be anyway?"

"In the guest room." Clyde stated, "We're trying to figure out what to do with her."

"Then that's where I'll be." Bonnie declared. "The poor dear probably needs some support right now, and I'm just the mare to give it."

Bonnie left the room, and Clyde resumed glaring at Grimoire.

"So, you wanna 'take responsibility', is that it?" He asked.

"Yes." Grimoire nodded. "And that means I won't let any harm come to Sandy or the foal. I'm sorry but that's my final word."

There was silence in the room.

"Well..." Clyde sighed, "I guess I have to give you points for 'doing the right thing', but that only leaves us one option... you're going to have to marry her."

"Say what?!" Grimoire gasped.

"What?!" The brothers gaped.

"It's the only way, Grim." Clyde declared. "Our one chance to save face is for you to marry that girl before the foal comes. It may be a mixed-race union, but at least the kid'll be born in wedlock. One less scandal to deal with..."

"I highly doubt she's in a marrying mood right now." Grimoire declared.

"Yeah, and I doubt she ever will be." Murray snarked.

"Well, that's not our problem, now is it?" Clyde sneered.

"Wait, are you saying I should... force her into marriage?" Grimoire gaped.

"This is the only alternative we have aside murder or abortion." Clyde declared.

"...I won't do it." Grimoire growled. "I won't make her marry me because I forced her into this."

"You lost that right to make that choice the moment you mounted her." Clyde glared, "Either you do it, or both her and the child will be dealt with..." He then got up in Grim's face. "Severely... do I make myself clear?"

Grimm stifled a growl, but he already knew that he lost this fight the moment he came in…

"Crystal."

'I was outraged that father could even suggest something so awful. Unfortunately, I had been left with no other options. For the sake of Sandy and our foal, I had to bring her into out family. I could only hope she would forgive me...'

The next morning, Sandy came to. As she awoke, she realized Bonnie was watching over her.

"Finally awake, I see." Bonnie smiled.

"Get away from me!" Sandy leapt back.

"Easy there." Bonnie urged. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Wh-who are you?!" Sandy stuttered, "Where am I?!"

"I'm Bonnie Napoleon, the boys' mother. And you are in our home in Bitaly." Bonnie said kindly. "And you are?"

"S-Sandy Speck." Sandy declared.

"Nice to meet you, Sandy." Bonnie smiled.

"I wish I could return the favor." Sandy frowned. "But it's hard to be courteous when you've been kidnapped and held against your will!"

"Oh... that..." Bonnie frowned. "Please don't think poorly of my boys for what they did. Believe it or not, they were only thinking of your best interests."

"They've got a funny way of showing it." Sandy snorted.

"Well, my boys always had this tendency of not thinking things through." Bonnie shook her head.

"...Please, let me go." Sandy whispered,#. "I don't want to be here. I just want to go home and forget this ever happened."

"I'm afraid we can't do that, Sandy..." Bonnie sighed. "For what my boys did was totally justified. You see... we're the Bitalian mafia."

"You... what?" Sandy gaped. "Care to run that by me again?"

"It's true. We are the Napoleon Family, the leading mafia in Bitaly." Bonnie nodded. "And as the mafia, we have enemies. If they knew you were carrying a foal from one of my boys, those enemies would hunt you down and slaughter you like a pig. Both you and this child."

'Mom's bedside manner had a lot to be desired... blunt as a rock.'

"No... no, no, no, no..." Sandy began to whimper, burying her head in to his hooves. "This can't be happening, this can't be happening..."

"I'm afraid it is..." Bonnie patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"Why didn't Grim tell me?!" Sandy snarled. "That's usually a deal breaker right here!"

"Be serious, dear. Would you have gone out with him, knowing the truth?" Bonnie asked.

"Probably not..." Sandy admitted, before letting out a sob. "Oh, this is just perfect! I'm pregnant with a mobster's foal!"

"Not just any mobster." Bonnie pointed out. "Grim's on the way to becoming the new don."

"Yeah, that makes me feel so much better." Sandy growled.

"I'm sorry." Bonnie apologized. "This all must seem so... overwhelming."

"That's putting it mildly." Sandy huffed. "I thought I'd gotten myself the perfect stallion, and it turns out he's a criminal. And now my life's in danger and I'm a prisoner in another country, just because I'm carrying his foal!"

"Well, when you put it like that, it does sound pretty bad..." Bonnie sighed, "I mean, haven't you ever heard of contraception?"

"No... have you?" Sandy glared. "Mrs Mother to eight criminals?"

"...Touché, dearie." Bonnie admitted.

At that point, Grimoire and Clyde entered the room.

"Hello, Grimoire." Sandy glared. "Or should I say 'future don'?"

"You told her?!" Grimoire gasped at his mother.

"She deserves to know why she's been brought here." Bonnie pointed out. "She is going to be the mother of your child, after all."

"Makes sense." Clyde shrugged. "And I suppose it doesn't really change anything..."

"You let me go right now!" Sandy yelled. "My family's probably worried sick about me!"

"Oh, please." Clyde smirked. "We've done a background check on you, missy. From what we've heard, you were an orphan who bounced from orphanage to orphanage until you were eighteen. You have no family or relatives. Not that it would had make any difference."

Sandy slumped, defeated.

"What are you going to do to me?" Sandy shivered, "I don't want to die..."

"Don't worry, we already have come to a decision as to how to handle this." Clyde declared. "Grim, you're up."

Grimoire stepped forward.

"Sandy, I'm sorry about what happened." He declared. "And I want to do right by you and the foal. Which is why I'm asking... will you marry me?"

"Excuse me?!" Sandy gasped.

"...Beg pardon?" Bonnie raised a brow.

"It's a solution that'll work out to everypony's benefit." Clyde declared. "Sandy, you will marry Grim before the foal is born, and we'll avoid any major scandal. And you get some protection into the bargain. Not to mention you won't be some single mother that would probably turn to drugs and die of a poison joke overdose."

"No way." Sandy spat. "No way am I marrying some guy who just kidnapped me! And buck you, man!" She snarled at Clyde. "I do not need some stallion to raise a foal and I do not want to be a mistress to a murderer!"

"I wouldn't badmouth your soon-to-be father in law, girl." Clyde snarled coldly. "Furthermore, you don't have a choice in the matter. Either you marry my stupid son or I will have you placed in a pit somewhere where no pony will ever hear from you again..."

"For your own safety, of course." Grimoire added.

"It's your choice." Clyde declared. "And choose wisely, because there's no backing out."

"Some choice..." Sandy huffed. "I did not see things turning out like this."

"Any time now..." Clyde urged.

Sandy ran the thought over in her head.

'Do I really want to marry a Mafioso? No!' She thought. 'But it's not like I have much of a choice... If I refuse, I'll be dumped in some pit for the rest of my life. Guess there's only one real answer here...'

Her decision made, Sandy stepped forward.

"Alright, I'll do it. I'll marry Grim..." Sandy said in an ultimately defeated tone.

"Thank you, Sandy." Grimoire smiled.

"But I don't have to like it." Sandy turned her back on her future husband. "I could never love a crook and a murderer like you."

"Sandy..." Grimoire gasped, feeling his heart break.

"Then it's settled." Clyde pulled Grimoire away. "Let's go set things up with the minister. He's an old pal of mine, so I think he'll be able to squeeze you in..."

As Clyde led Grimoire out of the room, Grimoire glanced back at Sandy. The poor mare looked absolutely broken. The knowledge that her predicament was all thanks to him nearly caused Grimoire to drown under a sea of guilt.

'Not quite what you were expecting, am I right? My darling Sandy was faced with a no-win situation, and in the end chose the lesser of two evils. Hardly romantic, I know. I hated that it had come to that, but it was the only way to keep her safe. What else could had been done? But don't you worry, this loveless love story still has a few pages left in it. But you'll have to read that in the next chapter. Until then, my friends...'

Happily Ever After?

'Welcome back. Following my... 'unique' proposal, father had the wedding of myself and Sandy put together as quickly as possible. Less than two days after our return to Bitaly, we were married. It wasn't exactly a grand ceremony; Just a few select ponies outside the family had been invited.'

Inside the chapel, the ceremony was underway. Neither Grimoire nor Sandy showed any signs of joy in the proceedings.

Several of the Napoleons cousins had arrived, such as Church and Tucker.

"Boy, this all happened fast." Tucker remarked. "I never even heard of that Sandy gal before I got the invite."

"Hey, as long as there are no cannons around, I'm not complaining." Church declared, rubbing a recent wound in his wound.

The uncles were also in attendance, such as Hannibal, Jigsaw and John 'Seven' Doe.

"It's about time one of Clyde's boys got married." John remarked, carrying a box-shaped present. "I hope the newly-weds like my gift..."

"Let's just hope this Sandy girl isn't playing games with Grim's heart." Jigsaw declared. "I'm the gamesmaster around here..."

"I hope the reception has fava beans." Hannibal salivated. "It would go great with the 'outside food' I brought..."

After Grimoire and Sandy took their places, the minister stepped forward.

"Thank you all for coming." He told the attendants. "I understand how abrupt the invitations were, and how you all have busy lives. I'm looking at you, Jigsaw...."

"Get on with it!" Hannibal yelled. "I'm starving!"

The minister turned to Grimoire.

"Do you, Grimoire Napoleon, take this mare to be your lawful wedded wife?" He asked.

"I do." Grimoire said flatly.

"And do you, Sandstorm Speck, take this stallion to be your lawful wedded husband?" The minister continued.

"I do..." Sandy choked back the bile.

"Than I now pronounce you stallion and wife." The minister declared. "You may now kiss the bride."

"Don't even think about it." Sandy snarled at Grim.

Silence ensued around the chapel.

"Okay." Clyde stepped up between the two, clapping his hooves together. "Thank you all for coming. There's a small reception back at the mansion. Please don't commit a felony on your way there."

"No promises!" John Doe called.

The family members cleared out of the chapel.

"So, that's that." Murray noted. "Grim's a married stallion."

"Yeah." Salt snorted. "Lucky him..."

"Lucky us." Vinny added sarcastically. "Now we have to live with that stroppy mare..."

"You can't really blame her." Lars said sympathetically. "It's not like this is her choice..."

"Buck her." Slot sneered. "She made her bed, and now she's gotta lie in that. With Grim, even..."

Caboose was sniffling.

"Caboose?" Sonny frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I always cry at weddings!" Caboose wept.

After the brothers left, it was just Grimoire and Sandy.

"So... shall we?" Grimoire said awkwardly.

"If I must." Sandy growled. "But know this: I am not dancing with you at the reception. And you can forget about the honeymoon..."

"I know..." Grimoire said sadly.

'Not exactly the wedding of the century, I know. How, may you ask, could we have ever conceived a daughter in these circumstances? Well, read on and learn, as we move onto our next chapter:'

Chapter Four: Happily Ever After?

'As you can imagine, it was difficult for us to acclimatize to our new situation. Though Sandy shared my room with me, she insisted the bed be her's, and that I would sleep on the lounge couch I had in there. I could not refuse her, not after everything I had brought upon the poor mare.'

'I did my best to support Sandy, but it was difficult. She refused to have anything to do with me. She would go days without speaking to me, and when she did speak, it was teeming with venom. Any love or infatuation that she had for me back in the Canals were all but gone, and she was determined to let me know it every day since that day.'

'Not that I blame her. Since she was an outsider, Pops didn't trust her to even walk around the mansion unattended, just on the outside chance that she would find a way out and run off to the nearest police station and blab everything. It certainly put all the mafia members on edge, and they were just as determined as Pops was to keep her from ruining everything. Needless to say, she had become a prisoner. And us her jailors.'

'But I wasn't the only one on the receiving end of my 'wife's' ire. My parents and brothers all tried their best to make nice with her, in hopes that she would warm up to the whole situation... with hardly any success.'

'Sandy made it obvious that she hated my father. And quite honestly, my father didn't care for her either. She did kick him in the face when they first met, and he did knock her out and forced her to marry me.'

Clyde entered the bedroom. Grimoire was out working, and Sandy was on the bed.

"You behaving yourself"? He asked. "Being a good little wife?"

"If by 'wife', you mean 'prisoner', then yes." Sandy growled.

"Enough pouting." Clyde declared. "This is your life now, and you've gotta accept it."

"Don't hold your breath." Sandy snarled.

'And of course, her relationships with my brothers were no better, She seemed to find at least one thing to dislike about both of them. With Murray, it was his choice of hobby...'

Murray struck three bullseyes in a row with his crossbow.

"Oh, yeah!" He cheered.

"Nice shooting." Sandy sneered, having been walking past. "Good to know I don't have to worry about attacks from wooden targets."

"Funny." Murray snorted. "Why don't you stick around? I'll show you something really great."

"What, are you gonna count to ten?" Sandy sniped. "As much as I'd like to see that..."

Sandy walked away, leaving Murray fuming.

'For Vinny, it was his wine...'

As Vinny was carrying some bottles from his wine cellar, he and Sandy crossed paths.

"How do." Vinny smiled. "Want some wine?"

"No thanks." Sandy snarled. "I'm pregnant."

"Hey, a little wine won't hurt." Vinny continued.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Sandy glared. "Hoping to take advantage of me?"

"What?" Vinny gasped. "Of course not! Trust me!"

"Not today." Sandy growled. "Or any other day."

'For Salt, it was his machismo...'

Sandy was sitting in the study, trying to read, when Salt, Lars, and Slot entered. Salt was regaling his brothers with a story of how he beat up a rival criminal.

"And then, I gave him an old-fashioned right cross!" He boasted. "Knocked him out cold!"

"Nice!" Slot grinned.

"A tad pedestrian, but affective." Lars admitted. "My compliments, Salt. When it comes to combat, you are a true artiste."

"Yeah, because it takes real skill to punch a pony in the face." Sandy sneered.

"It does, actually." Salt said proudly.

"If only you'd master the art of humility." Sandy growled. "Maybe then I wouldn't have to listen to all your bragging."

"Zip it, lady." Slot retorted. "Pretty thing like you should be seen, and not heard."

'Slot, of course, had a knack for irritating ponies. And Sandy was no exception.'

"If anypony here shouldn't be heard, it's you." Sandy shot back. "Somepony should put a clamp on that mouth of yours."

"Hey, just because you're a girl doesn't mean I won't slug you!" Slot spat.

"Go ahead." Sandy dared. "Hit your older brother's pregnant wife. See how that turns out."

Slot spluttered impotently, then turned away, pouting.

"I ain't got time for this..." He muttered.

"I should be going, too." Lars declared. "I need to work on our expenses..."

"And by that you mean 'swindle other ponies out of their hard-earned money?" Sandy remarked.

'Sandy had never been impressed by Lars'... less than honest financial activities.'

"What I do keeps this family afloat." Lars declared. "It's because of me that you have that bedroom full of nice things."

"Yes, and I'm so grateful." Sandy said sarcastically. "A cage is still a cage, no matter how many expensive things it's been filled with. If I could, I'd choose living on the streets over being trapped in here."

With that, Sandy left the room.

"Some mares are just too picky." Salt sighed.

'Sandy didn't stop there. She and Sonny had a disagreement in terms of cuisine…'

Sandy entered the kitchen.

"I need food." She declared. "Fix me some, will ya?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Sonny snorted. "What will it be? We have pizza pie, spaghetti, tofu meatballs, pasta di giorno, like linguine and ravioli!"

"Hmm..." Sandy grunted a bit, before announcing "I want a hayburger."

"...Um, Sandy, we are in Bitaly. I am Bitalian." Sonny frowned. "My culinary expertise is heavily based on Bitalian food. I don't do those Equestrain food."

"Well, I want a hayburger!" Sandy snarled, going up to Sonny's face, much to his discomfort.

"No, Sandy." Sonny shook his head, stepping back a bit. "I don't do burgers."

"Yes you do." Sandy glared.

"No, I don't." Sonny glared back.

"Really?" Sandy glared harder.

"Yes." Sonny nodded.

"Well, then you can just go to Tartarus!" Sandy seethed, as she slugged him hard in the face, knocking him unconscious. "Stupid pasta munchers…"

'And as for Caboose…'

Sandy was simply walking down a hallway, refusing to have eye contact with anypony she passed by. When one of them happened to be Caboose...

"Hey, Sandy!" Caboose waved.

"Hey, Caboose." Sandy acknowledged tersely, as she continued onwards.

'My mother had, of course, picked up on Sandy's woes, and tried to offer a sympathetic ear.'

One day, as Bonnie was walking through the garden, she saw Sandy sitting on the back.

"Hello, Sandy." Bonnie smiled. "I hope you're settling in okay?"

"You can hope all you like." Sandy pouted. "It won't make it happen."

"Oh, I know this is hard for you, dear." Bonnie sighed. "But you don't have to face this alone. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to listen."

"Thanks, but no thanks." Sandy stood up and walked away. "I'd prefer to have as little interaction with this family as possible..."

"I understand." Bonnie sighed. "Poor dear..."

Sandy being pregnant made everything a lot harder. She would clock a few of our members just for looking at her funny, and her mood swings terrified many more... Yes, indeed, tensions were at an all-time high, and it seems like Sandy would be stuck in a life she hated… but one fateful day, things started to change...'

A few weeks after the wedding, Grimoire awoke on the couch in his bedroom, Sandy on the bed, just waking up herself.

"Good morning, Sandy." Grimoire said kindly.

"Stuff it, Napoleon." Sandy growled. "I'm in no mood to listen to you try and play nice."

"...Yes, dear." Grimoire nodded meekly.

"And don't call me that!" Sandy shuddered. "Or anything like that, got it?"

"Yes." Grimoire sighed.

"Good." Sandy growled.

"Sandy, please-" Grimoire began.

"Please what?" Sandy spat.

"I know you feel like I'm trying to hurt you, but I'm not." Grimoire declared. "I just want you to be happy."

"It doesn't look like that to me." Sandy shot back. "It looks like you don't a bit about me. Otherwise, you wouldn't have put me through this nightmare."

Sandy left the room, leaving a despairing Grimoire behind to sigh in frustration.

'Nothing seems to have changed yet, you may think. Be patient, dear reader...'

Sandy entered the dining room, looking to get some breakfast. To her annoyance, Clyde and the rest of the brothers were there.

"Good morning... Mrs. Grim." Slot sneered.

"Shut it." Sandy snarled.

"Why all the attitude, sis?" Slot snickered.

"If you call me that again, I'll rip your tongue out." Sandy threatened.

"I'd like to see you try." Slot smirked.

"That's enough, Slot." Bonnie said sternly. "Sandy is a part of our family now, and I expect you to treat her as such."

"That's what I'm doing." Slot shrugged. "I always talk like this with my bros. Right, guys?"

"Oh, yeah." Murray groaned.

"Totally." Salt rolled his eyes.

"Well, you are not to do that with Sandy." Bonnie declared. "Is that understood?"

"...Yes, mom." Slot sighed.

"And here I thought getting married would only change Grim." Vinny snorted. "This broad's messing up everything."

"'Broad'?" Sandy growled.

"Yeah, that's what I said." Vinny countered. "You oughta learn ya place, like a real mare."

"You mean like those floozies you keep bringing up to your room, then never calling again?" Sandy spat. "Not a chance, you sexist pig!"

"Whoa!" Salt gaped. "She sure got your number!"

"Shut it, Salt!" Vinny growled.

"Why should I?" Salt grinned. "I'm just agreeing with our new sister."

"Don't do me any favors, you nasty thug." Sandy growled.

"Say what?" Salt frowned.

"You heard me." Sandy glared. "I know what a kick you get out of beating up other ponies. You're nothing but a heartless brute."

"That's some gratitude for you." Salt huffed. "You can forget about my support in future, lady."

"Good." Sandy snorted.

"Is all this really necessary?" Lars asked. "As distressing as it might be, you are a part of this family now. And it is in your best interests to mesh yourself into our familial dynamic, post-haste."

"You know, just because you're a little smarter than the others, doesn't mean you're any better than them." Sandy said distastefully. "You're still nothing but a criminal."

"Well!" Lars gasped. He couldn't think of a witty response, so he said "Well!" again.

"And then there's the rest of you." Sandy growled. "Murray, you get a kick out of shooting ponies in the head."

"Only those who deserve it. It's either that or have them die the same way that one guy from that Yokish Karate Mare movie... and I would not recommend that." Murray said awkwardly.

"And Slot, you're just an insolent child with a serious temper control problem." Sandy declared.

"I AM NOT!" Slot roared, ready to lunge at her. "You take that back, you *BLEEP*!"

'As in the previous chapter, certain dialogue will be censored.'

"Whoa, easy, dude!" Salt attempted to hold Slot back.

"*BLEEP" you!" Slot yelled. "This *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP*er needs to be taught a *BLEEP* good lesson!"

"And you, Sonny..." Sandy sneered. "You're an awful cook. Can't cook a Faust stupid hayburger…"

"Wha...?" Sonny gasped, clutching his chest. "How dare you!"

"Alright, that's enough." Clyde declared. "Being part of this family goes both ways, Sandy. You'd better start be more civil around here, or-"

"Or what?" Sandy interrupted. "It doesn't matter anyway. No punishment could be worse than what you animals have already done to me!"

"Hey, we are not animals!" Clyde growled, stomping a hoof in the table.

"Clyde, easy…" Bonnie soothed.

"No! I will not be talked to that way in my own house!" Clyde growled, as he seethed at Sandy. "I don't care if you are pregnant or my son's wife, as long as you are under this roof, you will start showing a bit more respect, ya got that?!"

"Two words, Clyde: BUCK! YOU!" Sandy snarled.

Sandy got out of her chair and left the room in a huff.

"Sandy!" Caboose called.

"Let her go." Vinny snorted. "Pouty little floozy. She'll learn her place sooner or later..."

"It's a statistical certainty." Lars agreed. "Overly-critical strumpet...."

"She's got a major Parasprite up her butt, that's for sure." Murray admitted.

"Bad cook?" Sonny frowned. "I'm not a bad cook, right?"

"Of course not." Salt assured him. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Where does she get off, saying I've got a temper?" Slot fumed. "Me? ME?!"

"I won't let her talk to me like that." Clyde declared. "Not again..."

"Oh, leave her be." Bonnie declared. "She's in a bad situation, and none of you are helping. She just needs some space..."

Unconvinced, Caboose got out of his chair and ran after Sandy. He found her out in the hallway, sobbing quietly.

"Sandy?" He asked with concern.

"Oh, it's you, Caboose." Sandy sniffed. "Please, leave me alone."

"I... I'm sorry, Sandy." Caboose sighed.

"Sorry?" Sandy glanced at Caboose in confusion, tears still streaming down her face. "Why would you be sorry? I'm the one who called you all animals."

"Because this is all my fault…" Caboose frowned, "It was because of me that you even met Grim and did the sideways hokey-pokey with him and got pregnant and dragged into this. If I hadn't set you up with him in the first place, none of this would've happened to you. You must really hate me..."

"What?" Sandy gasped. "No, I don't."

"You don't?" Caboose gaped.

"No." Sandy smiled weakly. "You didn't know what would happen. You were just trying to do something nice for your brother."

"Well..." Caboose said modestly.

"I could never hate you." Sandy declared. "You're practically the only pony in this mansion that I can actually tolerate. You're nothing like your awful brothers... Especially Grim..."

"I know Grim's sorry too." Caboose declared. "Why can't you forgive him?"

"Well, that's different, Caboose." Sandy frowned.

"Different how?" Caboose asked. "I'm just confused. How could you not be mad at me, yet be so angry with Grimm?"

"It's rather simple, Caboose." Sandy sighed in frustration. "He's the one who got me pregnant. He was the one who made me a prisoner of my own life. He's the reason I'm going to spend the rest of my life being nothing more than a mistress and slave to a mafia don." A tear dropped from her eyes. "I had a life, Caboose. I was going to go places. Haygypt, Maretonia, Japony, and maybe even settle down in the Caymare Islands. Now, I will never get the chance to do any of that, and it's because of him!"

"Well, I guess that is a reason to be angry…" Caboose admitted, "But still, is there any chance that you might maybe forgive him?" Sandy glanced at him coldly. "Even a little?"

"I'm sorry, Caboose, but I don't think I can ever forgive him for doing this to me." Sandy growled.

"Oh… well, that's a real shame." Caboose sighed. "Because I know he really cares about you."

"If he really cared, he wouldn't have let this happen." Sandy countered. "I know you're just trying to stick for your brother, Caboose, but I... I just need to be alone right now, okay?"

"Okay." Caboose said glumly.

As Sandy walked away, Caboose looked onward.

"Sorry, Grim." He frowned. "I tried..."

Grimoire peeked from around a corner.

'Unbeknownst to either of them, I was nearby, coming down to breakfast to join my 'wife' and my family, only to hear them talking, and man, did I hear everything. I used to think that only 'stick and stones' may break my bones, but words will never hurt me', but every single word Sandy said against me felt like a stab in the heart. I don't know what it hurt so much, given how I knew Sandy hated me... but it did... and I went to the one place where I could let out my sorrows...'

Grimm entered the study, trying to keep it together, but as soon as he fell into the chair, he let out all his tears and cried unashamedly. He wasn't sure how long he was there for, but eventually, he heard hoofsteps coming towards him. He looked up, and saw his father before him, his face showing undisguised contempt.

"What in the name of grandpa Fonz Napoleon are you doing, boy?" Clyde grimaced. "Why are you crying like a whimpering foal?"

"Why do you think?!" Grimoire shot back. "Because Sandy hates me! And I don't blame her. Thanks to me, she's practically a prisoner! What kind of pony who do that to somepony they care about?"

"Ah, quit your whining." Clyde snorted. "Sandy is just being all mopey and moaning because she's pregnant! You shouldn't let a bunch of measly words get to you like this. Stallion up for crying out loud!"

"Oh, like you can talk, dad." Grimoire growled. "You and mom are so perfect together. You guys have to have what is considered a 'perfect marriage'. You two are like 'partners in crime', so much in fact that it's f-"

Clyde let out a small chuckle.

"What?! What's so funny?!" Grimm snarled.

"The fact you think that me and Bonnie have the perfect marriage." Clyde snickered. "You know, Grim, not every marriage turns out like they do in fairytales. You ever wonder how your mother and I got together?"

"No." Grimoire admitted.

"Well, it's simple really. Our marriage was part of a peace treaty between our family and the Clopellis." Clyde declared. "Your mother was the daughter of the Clopelli don, ya know."

"So you and mom got married just to settle a feud?" Grimoire frowned. "An arranged marriage?"

"Yep." Clyde nodded. "Naturally, neither of us were too happy about it. We could barely stand each other, and we wound up having to live in the same house. But we couldn't simply say no to our fathers, and it was either that or have the streets of Bitaly run red with Napoleon and Clopelli blood."

"So what did you do?" Grimoire asked.

"Well, it took quite a while." Clyde mused. "For the first few months, we actually tried to kill each other. We ended up shooting up this place a couple times over trying to do so. But eventually, our fighting became pointless, and once we didn't have crossbows pointing at each other, we actually started to connect, and getting to know each others' good side... and we both loved what we saw... that, and your mother really knew how to make a guy purr." He gave a cocky laugh.

"Well, that's great and all, dad, but Sandy's already seen my good side." Grimoire declared in frustration. "And then she saw the bad. Not really the same thing."

"Ah, give her time." Clyde shrugged. "She'll come around someday. That mare can't stay a *BLEEP* forever, you know."

"'Someday' isn't really instilling me with confidence." Grimoire sighed.

"Well, you can either sit there moaning about it, or you can do something constructive." Clyde declared. "Like dealing with mafia business: we've got a problem on the south side. Some troublemakers have been trying to horn in on our operations at the docks. We've had a report of one of our delivery stallions being knifed and tossed into the river. What do you suggest we do?"

'Just as I gave my answer, Sandy tiptoed into the room, hoping to get a book. If I had known she was there, perhaps I wouldn't have been so blunt...'

"Well... it's one thing to cut in on our business, but to kill one of our own?" Grimoire growled, forgetting his woes for a moment. "I say we track those buckers down and slit their throats while they're sleeping."

"That's my boy." Clyde smiled, "You're catching on quickly."

"I don't believe this!" Sandy blurted out, horrified.

"Sandy?!" Grimoire gasped.

"Aw, great." Clyde grunted, "Do you mind, Sandy, we're busy here!"

"I can tell…" Sandy seethed darkly.

"Sandy, how long have you been-" Grimm murmured.

"Long enough." Sandy snarled, her eyes filling with tears. "I thought you were different from the others, that you at least had some compassion. But I was wrong. You're a cold-blooded monster, just like the others!"

"Again with the name calling?" Clyde rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Sandy, please..." Grimoire pleaded.

"I hate you." Sandy spat, as she ran from the room in tears. "I hate you!"

'Once again, my heart broke. You would think I would've gotten used to it, but you'd be wrong, for the pain only got worse each time. Hearing those words from Sandy's mouth was the most painful moment of my life. Even the loss of Anarchy, Faust rest his soul, couldn't compare...'

"Hey, Grim, you're feeling alright?" Clyde frowned.

"I… I just need to be alone…" Grimoire murmured, trying to not cry again.

Grimoire left the study, feeling worse than he did when he entered.

"Oh, son." Clyde sighed.

Sandy ran back to her and Grimoire's bedroom, and threw herself on the bed. She sobbed onto the pillow, drenching it with tears. Bonnie then entered the room, having seen her run by on the way up.

"You poor dear." She sighed. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing." Sandy said petulantly. "Except for the fact that I was forced to marry a cold-blooded criminal, and am carrying his foal, who will probably turn out just as bad!"

"Hey now, it's one thing to call my son a criminal, but cold-blooded?" Bonnie frowned. "I realize that you are not happy about this, but 'cold-blooded' is where I draw the line."

"Oh, really?" Sandy snorted. "You don't consider slitting ponies' throats 'cold-blooded'? That's what Grimoire wanted to do to some other criminals!"

"Oh, you heard all that, huh?" Bonnie sighed. "I know, for a mare who probably never been in a mafia before, that some of the things that Grimiore or anypony in this mafia for that matter, does seems terrible, in-equine, even... but he does all of it to protect our family, and those who serve our family." Bonnie declared.

"Murdering ponies is what you call protecting?" Sandy glared.

"The mafia life is a dangerous life, Sandy. It's best you learn that now. And you should also learn that this family never bring harm upon an innocent."

"You... don't?" Sandy raised a brow.

"Not a one." Bonnie nodded. "We may be criminals, but we're not monsters. You see, Sandy, we are an honorable family. All wrong-doings that we do, we do for the sake of equinity. We rob the rich and rotten to feed the poor, we kill those who seek to harm others, and we defend those who can't defend themselves. That has been the Napoleon's way since the very first don…"

"Well…" Sandy was at a loss of words for a moment. "…That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still trapped here." Sandy then glanced sorrowfully at her slightly distended belly. "And my poor foal... born into a family like this..."

"I know what you're going through, Sandy." Bonnie declared. "I was forced to marry Clyde, myself when I was about your age."

"You were?" Sandy gasped. "But you seem so close..."

"We are." Bonnie declared. "Things were rough between us to begin with. Heck, I tried to kill him in his sleep more times than I can count." She let out a chuckle, much to Sandy's discomfort. "But things changed. We both looked past our outsides, to see the ponies within. The circumstances in which we were brought together doesn't matter, for I know Clyde truly loves me, as Grimoire loves you."

"How can you be so sure?" Sandy asked.

"I've seen the way Grimoire looks at you." Bonnie chuckled. "You set his heart on fire like no mare ever has, and given how Grim was mostly interested in zebras, that's saying a lot. Trust me when I say he'd do anything for you, and your foal."

Sandy laid down on her bed, head bowed, giving no indication that she had listened to Bonnie.

"Well, I've said my piece." Bonnie sighed, as she turned to leave. "Hang in there, Sandy. Things will get better, I promise."

Down in the garden, Grimoire was laying on the grass, utterly despondent. His brothers soon joined him.

"You still moping, Grim?" Slot snorted. "Snap out of it, will ya?"

"Get lost, Slot." Grimoire sniffed. "I'm not in the mood."

"You've got to pull yourself together, Grim." Salt urged. "As future don, you've gotta show strength, will, and determination. Not sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself."

"I don't care about any of that." Grimoire sighed. "Not anymore."

"Well, this isn't very fortuitous." Lars declared.

"Yeah, and it's bad, too." Sonny added.

"Look, we feel for ya, Grim." Murray declared. "But if you don't stop feeling sorry for yourself, this family's going down the tubes."

"How can I not feel sorry for myself when the mother of my foal despises me?" Grimoire groaned.

"Geez, Grim." Vinny sneered. "How can you still be so hung up on some fling?"

"Because it wasn't just a fling!" Grimoire yelled.

'At that point, I was struck by a sudden realization.'

"It... it really wasn't." Grimoire stood up. "I... I love her..."

"Say what?" Salt frowned.

"You feeling okay, Grim?" Sonny asked.

"I love her." Grimoire said proudly. "I love Sandy!"

"Aw, that's the spirit, Grim!" Caboose beamed. "But don't tell us, tell her!"

"I will!" Grimoire declared. "Off I go!"

Grimoire raced out of the garden, a newfound spring in his step.

"Job well done, boys." Murray grinned. "That oughta kick him into gear. Nice plan, Caboose."

"I had a plan?" Caboose frowned. "Nopony told me..."

"Wait, I thought we were trying to convince him to dump the mare." Slot frowned.

"Um, why would we do that?" Salt frowned.

"Uh, duh, she's a bi-" Slot started.

Salt conked him out with a hoof to the face.

Grimoire ran all the way to the bedroom, entering it to find Sandy on the bed.

"Sandy, I have something I need to say to you." He smiled.

"Unless it's along the lines of 'I want a divorce', I don't really care." Sandy frowned.

"Sandy, I... I love you." Grimoire announced.

"Excuse me?" Sandy turned around, surprised.

"I truly do." Grimoire declared. "If you're not willing to love me back, that's okay. I wouldn't blame you. But I promise you, you can hate me all you want, I will take care of you and our foal. The both of you are my family now, and I once made a promise to an old friend that I would look after my family, no matter what. I swear, I will see to your every need. I will protect you from anypony who would seek to harm you. I will never stop loving you. I'll make sure of that."

"You'd do all that for me?" Sandy remarked. "Even after what I said to you earlier?"

"Of course." Grimoire nodded. "You mean everything to me, Sandy. Without you, I am nothing."

"Grim, I..." Sandy smiled, touched. "I won't lie to you, this situation is still a pretty rotten one. But if you're willing to put so much effort into keeping me happy...then maybe…maybe I can try and make this work with you…"

"You don't have to do that..." Grimoire protested.

"Neither did you." Sandy pointed out. "Maybe I was wrong before. Maybe you're not cold-blooded after all. There's a big, warm heart under there. I saw it when we first met, and I was so angry about all this, I forgot about it until now."

"Thank you, Sandy." Grimoire smiled.

"No, thank you." Sandy replied. "As long as you're here, maybe this experience won't be so awful after all..."

As night fell, the newlyweds prepared for bed.

"Well, good night." Grimoire nodded, as he climbed onto his couch.

"...Wait, Grim." Sandy said suddenly.

"What is it?" Grimoire asked.

"I was thinking." Sandy mused. "Maybe you could join me in the bed."

"Really?" Grimoire asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Sandy shrugged. "It's a little lonely, just me on this big bed."

"Well, as long as it's okay with you." Grimoire admitted.

Grimoire climbed into bed alongside Sandy.

"Come a little closer." Sandy smiled.

Grimoire complied.

"Closer." Sandy urged.

Grimoire edged closer.

"Closer." Sandy grinned.

Grimoire moved in closer, their muzzles almost touching.

"Is this close enough?" Grimoire asked.

"Perfect." Sandy nodded. She then pounced on Grimoire, kissing and caressing him.

"Gah, Sandy?!" Grimiore gaped. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" Sandy grinned. "I'm performing my wifely obligation. Any objections?"

"None that I can think of." Grimoire smiled. "And I'm going to perform my husbandly duty..."

And with that, the long overdue consummation of their marriage began.

'That was the turning point in our relationship. Ever since that day, she and I grew closer and closer, just as my father and mother before us. By the time Dusty was born, there was no more anger, no more misery, only love. Our story may have had a rough beginning, and it would soon lead to a tragic end, but it did not change the fact that we were about to begin what was the greatest part of my life… Though there was still trouble of a different kind on the horizon. What kind of trouble, you may ask? Find out in our next chapter...'

The Last Days Of Clyde Napoleon

'After last chapter's happy ending, you would be forgiven for thinking it was smooth sailing from then on in. And it was, but only for a short while. Our family was about to face a new crisis, one that would change us forever...'

'Before we begin, I'd like to talk a little about our family's relationship with the prime minister, and mayor of our town of Roam, Mr. Lee Cavallo. At a first glance, he's nothing to brag home about: a tan unicorn with auburn mane and brown eyes in a suit with a bow tie Cutie Mark. Came from a family of politicians, his father having been the mayor before him. He made it into office, and eventually proceeded to becoming Eurodeo's prime minster by his forties.'

'However, as does most politicians, he has his problems. But while other politicians may have their occasional scandal, such as the 'waitergate' incident suffered by the Premier of Chineigh, and the unfortunate incident when Baron Broadbeak threw up on the Prench ambassador, Cavallo had many little ones. To my understanding, Cavallo was an adrenaline junkie before he got into politics, and while he has calmed down in his later years, he ended up developing a couple of vices.'

'One vice being that he loves trying out all sorts of substances, whether to get a sensation or deal with his stress. However, things came to a head when witnesses spotted him receiving a shipment containing a rather illegal Minostan substance known as 'Argonuts'. Supposedly, those nuts, when ground up and smoked, induce a euphoric state. Blackmails began pouring in, and if he didn't play ball, they would rat him out and his career would be over. That was when my father and Anarchy came to him with a proposition.'

'The deal was, they would take care of those 'witnesses' and all evidence of the scandal, and in return, Cavallo would give the family free reign over Bitaly, allowing us to pursue any operations that supported our charitable cause. Understandably, Cavallo was not pleased with being faced with another blackmail, but given how he didn't want to ruin his family name and this blackmail didn't involve him dishing out innumerable amount of cash, he caved, and thus, a partnership was born.'

'In this partnership, Cavallo, as he would come to realize, could continue to pursue his vices, and we would be able to help those in need without retaliation. A mutual friendship eventually came to be between us, and things were good. In fact, with Cavallo on our side, we felt a sense of invincibility, that we were untouchable... till one day...'

'It all started one morning, as Cavallo was pursuing yet another one of his vices...'

A show-tune song was playing quietly on a phonograph in the mayor's office, as Cavallo was cutting up lines of chirpy cheese powder, exported from Aerovis, and very illegal.

"Ah, man, I've been waiting all day for this." Cavallo sighed, undoing his tie, as he levitated a straw. He held it to his snout as he lowered his head and began snorting.

"Ah…oh…yes…" Cavallo moaned gleefully.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Mr. Cavallo. The commissioner is here to see you." His secretary, Miss Typo, declared.

"Commissioner?!" Cavallo gaped, "Ah, uh, give me a moment!" He quickly swept all the lines of the powder into a bag, deposit the straw in it, and threw the bag into one of his drawers, and quickly adjusted himself and retighten his tie. After taking a deep breath, "Let him in!"

The doors opened, as a dark blue, black maned Earth Pony, wearing a full body trenchcoat, as well as a fedora, came in. He was a bulky stallion, with a frighteningly angular jaw, with a sinister scowl. He had a number of scars on his face, and a cold look in his gray eyes. His Cutie Mark was that of a police badge.

"Police Commissioner Striker Killsquad?" Cavallo gasped. "What a surprise! Who do I owe the pleasure?"

"Forgive the intrusion, your grace." Killsquad declared. "I just transferred back from Luxembuck, and I needed to see you as soon as possible."

"Of course... it really has been a while, hadn't it?" Cavallo give a small smile, "It's been, what? Five, six years since you left for Luxembuck to help out with the Braygias. Roam hadn't been the same since you left."

"So I noticed." Killsquad deadpanned. "I also noticed that in my absence, that the crime-rate has reached an all-time high, and there have been whispers about an underground smuggling network."

"Oh really?" Cavallo seized up, getting a bit nervous, "Well, I admit, things have been sort of up and down since you left, but it's nothing to worry about, really."

"Well, now that I have returned, I had came up with a revolutionary plan..." Killsquad declared.

"...What plan?" Cavallo asked, confused.

"Why to deal with the crimes and corruption in this city, of course!" Killsquad declared, as he pulled out a folder and set it down in front of Cavallo. As Cavallo read through it, he continued talking. "I have put together a strategy that would not only clean up the streets...but it will deal with a very big problem this town has... namely, the mafia."

"The mafia?" Cavallo laughed nervously, as he skimmed through Killsquad's folder. "Oh come now, I doubt they're that much of a threat."

"Really?" Killsquad gasped, as he then threw down more folders, much to Cavallo's shock. "Crossbow running, theft, assault, bribery... I could go on all day. And that's what I've heard about since returning. Yet, despite all this evidence, not many arrests had been made."

"Well, it's not quite that cut-and-dry." Cavallo said nervously. "It takes time to properly examine a crime scene, get all the bits and pieces together. Not to mention a good lawyer is hard to get in this town. And while there are rumors of this alleged 'mafia', we just don't have enough physical evidence to go on."

"You know, I had a feeling you'd say that." Killsquad frowned.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Cavallo asked.

"I mean no offense, your grace, but it seems like you are not all that concerned about this 'mafia'." Killsquad noted. "In fact, someponies might think you're actually allowing them to do whatever they want..."

"W-what?" Cavallo began sweating. "That's ridiculous! Why would I ever consort myself with a bunch of criminals? That's... that's..."

"Then again, I could be wrong." Killsquad cut him off, "Either way, with or without your blessing, I am going to launch an investigation, and anypony I find in connection with the mafia will be persecuted to the full extent of the law... so, are you on board or not?"

"Well, ah..." Cavallo gulped. He was backed into a corner, and he knew it. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give this plan of yours a try…"

"Good choice, sir." Killsquad smirked, as he gathered all the folders, taking the plan folder from Cavallo. "I assure you, by the time I am through, Roam will be crime-free."

"How... lovely." Cavallo murmured.

"I will take my leave now." Killsquad nodded as he made to leave... but then, he glanced at Cavallo smugly, "By the way, your grace, you've got a little 'incriminating evidence' on your snout."

Cavallo glanced at his snout, where a bit of powdered cheese remained, as he then quickly made to rub it off. The commissioner only stifle a chuckle as he left.

Shortly afterward, Killsquad arrived at the police station, and spoke with Sergeant Anous.

"Are you serious?" Anous growled. "I'm in charge of handling the good-for-nothing criminals in this town! I need no high and mighty commissioner to do my job!"

"And a wonderful job you've been doing." Killsquad said sarcastically.

"Yes, actually." Anous said smugly. "Since I came on board, less ponies have been bat murdered, and jaywalking is at an all-time low! In fact, I had been teaching the ponies the important of 'Always Silently Shut Your Door In Case of Kleptomaniacs' or in short-"

"I don't care about bat murderers and jaywalkers! From what I've heard, you seem to think the answer to any crime is to shoot the perpetrator with your crossbow... constantly." Killsquad remarked. "Not to mention you have failed to rein in the activities of those mafia slimeballs."

"I beg to differ." Anous sneered. "Why, just today, we picked up one of their crossbow runners."

"A few lackies behind bars means nothing." Killsquad snorted. "You've consistently failed to cut off the root of the problem. The leaders themselves remain at large, despite your best efforts."

"Well, what you want me to do?" Anous frowned, "Those guys are crafty. And anytime I try to pin a guy, they lawyer up and get off scotch free."

"That's why I am here." Killsquad declared, as he shoved a folder into Anous's chest. "In that folder is a protocol I devised called 'Death Squad'." Anous begrudgingly opened the folder and began reading it, as Killsquad cited "The plan is as follows: I pick the best ponies on this force, create a group of ponies that overrides the usual police procedures, then we start busting up every single operation the mafia has running all over the city. We could doing so till we get a lead on their leaders. Once the mafia is finished, all other criminals will be begging to be jailed. It's a perfect plan."

"Perfect?" Anous blanched. "Bull crud! You expect me to support such a stupid, over-the-top, expensive, controversial, and ripping off 'Gangster Squad' kind of plan?"

"I wasn't asking for your permission." Killsquad glared. "In fact, I am not going to let your incompetence go unpunished any longer. Sergeant Anous, you are fired!"

"What?!" Anous spluttered. "You can't do this!"

"I think you'll find I can." Killsquad declared. "Turn in your badge, and get out."

"...Fine." Anous spat, throwing his badge to the floor. "Good luck. You're gonna need it..." He then muttered "You jack-*BLEEP!*"

As Anous stormed out of the precinct, Killsquad grinned smugly.

"Now... it's time to take back the streets..." He declared.

'Foreboding, yes? Well, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Our family's greatest trial was about to begin, in a chapter I call...'

Chapter Four: The Last Days Of Clyde Napoleon

'Police Commissioner Striker Callaghan Killsquad... oh, how I had come to despise such a name. Ponies like Black Knight and Twitch could not compare to him. He was a vicious, manipulative, psychotic stallion who should never have been given a position of authority. Once he set his mind on something, he refused to back down, no matter what. Normally, such determination is to be respected, but on him, it was disturbing. Last we had heard of him, it was back when Anarchy was still alive, and he was sent off to some country to clean the streets there. Things were difficult back then for the family, but when he was gone, things started looking up. But of course, we were all unaware of what he was about to set in motion...'

Grimoire and Sandy were lounging in the living room. Grimoire was reading a book for 'boy names', Sandy a book for 'girl names', and Caboose, for 'Uncle names'.

"How about 'Lucious'"? Grimoire asked.

"Not in this lifetime." Sandy frowned. "Ooh, maybe 'Winifred'."

"Only if we want her to grow up to be a witch." Grimoire snickered.

"Hey, how about having the foal call me 'uncle 'Boosey'?" Caboose smiled.

Grimoire and Sandy looked at each other.

"Absolutely not." They chorused.

"Spoilsports." Caboose pouted.

'After finally sharing a bed together, Sandy and I were going from strength to strength. With a little help from yours truly, she was even starting to get along better with my father and brothers.'

"Grim, can you get me something from the kitchen?" Sandy asked. "The foal's hungry."

"Coming right up, my darling." Grimoire smiled.

On his way to the kitchen, Grimoire passed his father's study.

"Well?" Clyde's voice was heard.

"The test results are in, sir." Another voice announced. "And it's... not good."

Grimoire stopped in his tracks, and started listening. The door was ajar, and inside was the medic who had treated Anarchy before his death. He had gotten old over the years, but ponies still turned to him for medical advice.

"I'm sorry, sir." The doctor announced. "I'm afraid you've developed Prancington's disease. It's the same degenerative disease your father had. It seems to be hereditary."

"...I see." Clyde said bluntly.

"Disease?" Grimoire whispered.

"You may want to examine your options for treatment." The doctor declared. "With the right medication, you may be able to last-"

"No." Clyde said firmly.

"Sir?" The doctor gaped.

"I know what happened to my dad when he went through this." Clyde declared. "That so-called 'treatment' really messed him up. His speech got all slurred, he started forgetting stuff, he was tired all the time... I'm not letting that happen to me. I have a family and an empire to run. The moment I receive that treatment, the other mafia families will be on Bitaly like flies on a carcass... I would rather die than let anypony else claim this land."

"Dad..." Grimoire gasped.

He was about to step in when there was a knock at the door. Putting aside his worries for a moment, he went to answer it. Cavallo turned out to be behind the door.

"Cavallo?" Grimoire frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"Gather the family." Cavallo said breathlessly. "I need to speak to you all, now."

'I didn't like the worried look in Cavallo's eyes. I gathered the others as quick as I could, and we all met in the living room.'

Clyde and his sons stood around Cavallo. Bonnie and Sandy stood to the side.

"What's going on, Cavallo?" Clyde asked.

"Another problem you need us to bail you out of?" Vinny asked.

"What is it this time?" Lars added. "Extortion, scandal..."

"Did somepony get a picture of you in a clown suit?" Caboose inquired.

"I trust you're all familiar with Commissioner Killsquad?" Cavallo asked.

Immediately, everypony's face darkened, much to Sandy's (who was still new to the whole mafia business) confusion.

"Sure" Murray nodded. "That buckhead ruined our gem smuggling plan last month in Hagypt."

"Not to mention our counterfeit bit operation last year in Moscolt." Vinny growled.

"Yeah, that stallion really made a mess of things when he was around. But he's in Maretonia." Clyde frowned.

"Well, I'm afraid he's back." Cavallo sighed. "He came into my office today, ranting about a plan he has to clean house around here. He's putting together some sort of task force meant to wipe you all out!"

"And you just let him?" Salt frowned. "You owe us, Cavallo! Or have you forgotten about that mess with mule callgirl and her blackmailing brother, which we were happy to sweep under the carpet?"

"Honestly, have you no taste in women?" Slot spat.

"I haven't and shut up, Slot, I have needs." Cavallo glared. "Believe me, I don't want this to happen anymore then you do, but Killsquad suspects that I have some kind of link to you. I can't kick up too much of a stink here. I will try my best to deal with this, but you guys are just gonna have to be more careful from now on."

"Yeah, right." Clyde snorted. "We've been running this town for years. The cops shouldn't pose a problem, even with Killsquad at the helm."

"Dad's right." Sonny grinned. "Those flathooves won't be able to touch us!"

"Yeah, we'll crush 'em!" Salt agreed.

"No doubt!" Slot smirked.

"Please, don't make light of this situation, Clyde." Cavallo frowned, "I know Killsquad and he will stop at nothing to destroy you. He-"

Suddenly, there was another knock at the door.

"Oh crud, it's him!" Cavallo leapt out the window, much to their shock, and then peek his head through the window. "I was never here!"

"...But you were here." Caboose frowned.

"Not any more!" Cavallo raced off.

The knocks continued, with some trepidation, Grimoire answered the door. It was indeed Killsquad.

"Good evening." Killsquad smiled. "Mind if I come in?"

"I suppose." Grimoire frowned.

Killsquad entered the study.

"Good evening, Napoleon family." He declared. "I am Commissioner Striker Killsquad."

"And what brings you there, Mr Killsquad?" Clyde asked.

"Oh, just doing the rounds." Killsquad shrugged, "Getting back the lay of the land, you know? It has been over six years since I had been here. Do you remember those days?"

"Yeah…good times." Clyde frowned, "Now what are you doing here? Cause I doubt you are here to reminisce about time long since past.'

"Hmm, to the point, I respect that." Killsquad nodded, "As you may know, my career in law enforcement has been quite successful. The crime rates in the towns I have been posted in have been reduced immensely. I brought down the Braygias, stopped the theft of the Donkey Diamond, and even took out a bunch of terrorist Griffons. However, I had come back to my hometown to finally rid it of these 'mafia' ponies that had been plaguing it from day one..."

"You still haven't told us why you're here, Commissioner." Lars pointed out.

"I was getting to that." Killsquad declared. "You see, I had been hearing some rather... unpleasant rumors about this family, as well as this 'organization' you had been running, Mr. Napoleon." He glanced at Clyde, "Rather incriminating rumors."

"Those rumor are nothing but lies." Clyde frowned. "Stirred up by the rumor mill. My organization has been nothing but charitable since my ancestors. And I am not appreciating what you are insinuating..."

"Of course, my apologies." Killsquad gave a smirk. "Just watch your steps, boys. You wouldn't want anything unpleasant to happen to you. Especially given your health, Clyde..."

"What?" Salt grimaced.

"What's he talking about, dad?" Sonny asked.

"...Clyde?" Bonnie frowned.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Killsquad." Clyde glared, "But I think it is best that you leave now..."

"Of course... I just wouldn't want anything to happen to you or your sons…especially considering what happened 'that night'..."

The Napoleons froze.

"What night?" Caboose asked. "Taco night? Bowling night? Throw me a bone here, guys!"

"...Get out." Clyde snarled. "Get out now! Get off my property before I call my lawyer and sue your flank for harassment!"

"I can see I've overstepped my mark." Killsquad smirked. "And I'm sorry." He walked out of the study. "Have a good night, folks..."

He left the room with an evil smirk on his face.

"That jumped-up little..." Clyde snarled.

"Calm down, dear." Bonnie urged.

"Like we should be worrying about that jerk." Slot smirked.

"Of course not." Lars agreed. "He couldn't stop us before, and I doubt he'll be able to do it now."

"My thoughts exactly." Murray nodded.

"I don't know, guys." Grimoire frowned. "It sounds like he's really serious..."

"And did you see that look in his eye?" Sandy shivered. "Creepy..."

"Let him try and take us down." Clyde sneered. "I give him a week, maybe two, before he gives up and everything will be back to normal."

'Unfortunately, dad couldn't be more wrong. A few days later, the 'Death Squad' protocol had been put into effect, and soon, Killsquad had a team. Now, I am basing these following scenes from key witnesses from that day, but I had to put in some of the pieces.'

"Alright, squad." Killsquad stood in the precinct, debriefing his new team. "Today, we begin a revolution. Today, we wage war on crime itself. Those mafia slimeballs have had it too good for too long. From here on in, we won't rest until they've been brought to justice. With me leading you, defeat is impossible. As of now, I am the law!"

'And with that, came the busting of our operations. Smuggling, bootlegging, robberies, they all came under attack. But the worst part was that he was trying to find out who was in charge by shaking down our members.'

'It started with the gem smuggling we've been hiding in the mail...'

The squad ambushed a trio of couriers, pinning them against a wall.

"What do you want, coppers?" One courier asked.

"What I want is the name of the ponies in charge of this..." Killsquad ripped the package from the couriers' hooves, and tore it open, letting the gems fall to the ground."

"We don't know what you're talkin' about." The second courier remarked. "We run this thing ourselves."

"Really?" Killsquad sneered. "The three of you, running this big operation. Please..."

"It's the truth." The third courier stepped forward.

"Talk!" Killsquad struck him. "Who's in charge?"

"Buck you, pal!" The courier spat in Killsquad's face. "I'm not saying anything!"

"You're right." Killsquad wiped off the spittle. "And you never will again."

Killsquad nodded to one his squad members, who shot the courier in the heart with a bolt.

"Holy buck!" One of the other couriers yelled.

'Then came the attack on our counterfeit clothes operation.'

Killsquad smashed open the door to a shack hiding the operation.

"Don't move!" He yelled.

The workers tried to flee, but most were caught by Killsquad's flunkies.

'And our shipping work at the docks...'

As a group of Buffalo unloaded an illegal import of Argonuts, Killsquad and his crew swarmed the pier.

"Well, look what we hooked." Killsquad sneered, as the Buffalo raised their hooves.

'Those Killsquad captured were taken to the precinct, and subjected to the same brutal methods of interrogation. None of them broke, bless their souls. But Killsquad wouldn't give up that easily.'

"Sooner or later, one of these slimeballs will talk." Killsquad remarked, as another interrogation was 'terminated'. "Then we'll have all the evidence we need to bring down those Napoleons."

'As the news got out, things began to get tense around the mansion. All the mafia members were all in a panic...'

A group of subordinates were gathered in the courtyard.

"Clyde, you know we've served you faithfully." A Griffon declared. "But things are getting way too hot around here."

"What are you trying to say?" Clyde asked.

"What do you think?" An Earth Pony frowned. "We're terrified that Killsquad is gonna get us!"

"Calm down." Clyde urged.

"You're not the only one with a family, you know." A Buffalo declared. "If anything happens to me, mine'll be crushed."

"I know." Clyde declared. "Just stay cool..."

"I'm sure you'd get off lighter than me." A Changeling told the Buffalo. "They'd probably just dispense with the interrogation and hit me with some Raid."

"You're exaggerating." Clyde shrugged.

"Is he?" The Griffon growled. "If Killsquad gets a hold of us, we're plucked. We oughta run while we have the chance!"

"Nopony's going ANYWHERE!" Clyde roared. "We're facing Killsquad together! You cowards think you can abandon your fellows? Go ahead. But Killsquad won't be the only stallion you'll have to worry about!"

The agents stepped back, shocked by Clyde's sudden outburst. Clyde took a deep breath.

"Trust me." Clyde declared. "We'll make it through this."

Clyde walked back inside, leaving his shaken agents behind him.

'Even the servants were getting antsy, worried that if Killsquad did find dirt on us that things would come crashing down on them. Some actually quit, and I couldn't blame them... We were all on edge...'

Vinny was walking down the hall when he bumped into Slot.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Slot yelled.

"Me?!" Vinny snorted. "You're the one who can't get out of the buckin' way!"

Lars rounded the corner, catching them in their argument.

"Of all the petty things to argue about..." He rolled her eyes.

"Butt out, nerd!" Vinny and Slot yelled together.

In the gym, Salt hit his punching bag so hard it split.

"Ah, not again!" He roared. "Dumb weak bags..."

Murray, who was spending most of his time at the firing range, had drawn crude pictures of Killsquad, and hit each one in the head.

"Take that, ya lousy filth!" He roared.

Even Caboose was feeling the pressure. He was a lot less talkative, and had taken to hanging upside down from the ceiling.

"Um, Caboose?" Sonny frowned. "Why are you doing that?"

"So all the worries drip out of me." Caboose declared.

"Is it working?" Sonny asked.

"...No." Caboose sighed.

"Too bad." Sonny shook his head. "I was hoping to try it myself..."

'Our father's condition started to deteriorate...'

Grimoire entered the study, finding Clyde searching for something.

"Dad, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Who took my papers?" Clyde yelled. "Who?!"

"Um, dad... it's right there." Grimoire pointed to the coffee table.

"Oh, right." Clyde frowned. "Can't believe I forgot. Must be the stress of this Killsquad thing."

"Yeah, must be..." Grimoire sighed.

"...It's going to be alright, Grim." Clyde tries to assure him, "Our family's come face to face with worse. And every member here is loyal to the end. He can't kill all of them."

"I know, pa." Grimoire nodded.

"Good... good..." Clyde nodded, as he sat down, rubbing his head, "Oh, I feel so... tired..."

"You just get some rest, dad." Grimoire urged. "You're gonna need it..."

'I had told nopony of what I had overheard. Not Sandy, mom, nopony. I didn't want to put any more worry on them.'

One day, Sandy and Bonnie went out to the market, enjoying a stroll.

"Such a beautiful day." Sandy smiled.

"I know." Bonnie nodded. "Almost makes you forget your worries. Almost..."

"I know the feeling." Sandy sighed. "...I can't stop worrying about that Killsquad fellow. I'm afraid he'll hurt you all. Especially Grim..."

"It's okay, dear." Bonnie smiled. "You've married into one tough family. They can handle whatever Killsquad fiend can throw at them."

"I guess you're right." Sandy sighed.

"Of course I am." Bonnie nodded. "Now, let's get some shopping done."

As they walked through the market, Bonnie stopped to talk with one of the vendors. As Sandy perused a pie cart, her craving getting the better of her, she soon felt a hoof on her shoulder.

"Huh?" Sandy turned, only to be faced with Killsquad. "Oh... it's you."

"Good morning." He said innocently.

"Morning." Sandy nodded.

"Beautiful day." Killsquad continued.

"Sure is." Sandy agreed.

"So…you're Grimm's wife, right?" Killsquad asked.

"Yes, as of two months." Sandy nodded.

"I see... and you two certainly wasted no time in making a foal." Killsquad point out her distended belly, "In fact, it seems like you and him got married around the same time that foal came into existence..."

"Yeah... about that, it's a long story..." Sandy rubbed her head.

"Let's cut the pleasantries." Killsquad said suddenly. "I know who you are, Sandstorm Speck. And I know the Napoleons kidnapped you from the Palomino Canals two months ago. And that you've been held here in this country against your will."

"You... what?" Sandy gasped, shocked by all he said.

"It's a real shame, is what it is." Killsquad sighed. "A lovely young mare like you being locked up like that. A mare like you shouldn't be contained, because you are carrying some criminal's foal..."

"Well, actually..." Sandy frowned.

"But I can help you." Killsquad continued. "I can set you free of your prison. You can give your foal a life free of crime, and a proper upbringing... all I need from you is a testimony that will put your husband and his entire family behind bars. Then I can take you to whenever you wish, and you will never have to hear from them or me again…what do you say?"

Sandy thought about it for a moment. It was indeed a tempting offer. Though things had gotten better for her, she was still technically a prisoner. She was allowed to leave the mansion and the property, it was to be with a member of the family. She didn't mind it, but it was still debilitating. And if what Killsquad said was true, she could possibly still make it to the Caymare Islands, like she dreamed...

But then she thought of the family. Despite all their flaws, she couldn't bear to wish harm upon any of them. All her life, she had been without a family, and for the first time, she finally got one. It was through a rather odd method, but this family actually cared about her, some moreso than others, but they care all the same. Then, there was Grimiore... she loved him, and he loved her... and she refused to have her foal grow up without a father, just like she had. And given what she heard regarding Killsquad's activities, prison doesn't seem like an option to him.

"Well?" Killsquad asked.

"My answer is no." Sandy declared.

"What?" Killsquad gaped. "How could you want to stay with those crooks?"

"They may be crooks, but they're good ponies, deep down." Sandy declared. "And Grimoire is my husband and the father of my foal. I won't betray him or his family…my family." She then turned away. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

Suddenly, Killsquad pull her back, and brought her face to his.

"You listen here, you little harlot." Killsquad growled. "I am going to bring that family down one way or another. I don't need your help to bring them down but I highly suggest you decide what side you want to be on when the hammer comes down on them. Because pregnant or not, you will be tried to the full extent, just like the rest, and you can kiss your filthy hybrid foal good-bye!"

"Killsquad, let go, you're hurting me..." Sandy muttered.

"Good." Killsquad glared. "'Cause you will be feeling that pain when I bring down your entire family. And trust me, it is going to ill in comparison when I-"

"That's quite enough!"

Bonnie instantly stepped in between Sandy and Killsquad, rounding on the stallion.

"Harassing a pregnant mare, Commissioner?" Bonnie intervened. "I thought that you of all ponies would be above such barbaric notions."

"Now, now, I was just asking some questions, is all..." Killsquad explained.

"Well, she is not answering any of them!" Bonnie snarled. "Unless you want to speak to our attorney, I would advise that you kindly buck off! Okay, Commissioner?"

"Okay." Killsquad smirked, backing away. "I've said my piece." He gave a sly sneer at Sandy. "You just remember what I said, dear. It won't be long before the hammer comes down..."

With that, Killsquad left.

"The nerves of that stallion." Bonnie growled, as she then glanced sympathetically at Sandy. "Are you alright, dear?"

"Can we... please go home?" Sandy quivered, shell-shocked by what Killsquad said. "I want to go home..."

"Of course, dear." Bonnie lead her out of the market.

'That afternoon, I and the brothers returned home after trying to do damage control on our crippled operations.'

The Napoleon stallions came into the mansion, all dishevelled and stressed out.

"Oh, bloody 'ell. I don't know how one guy could be so much trouble for us." Salt groaned.

"No kidding." Murray sighed. "Thirty safe houses hit in one week."

"Did you see the fancy curtains in safe house #23?" Caboose asked. "Swanky..."

"Yeah." Slot agreed sarcastically. "Too bad the windows had been broken... by Killsquad!"

"Now I know how a maid feels." Vinny quipped. "So much cleaning up to do..."

"Stand firm, boys." Clyde declared. "There'll a lot more to clean up before this is over."

As the Napoleons entered the living room, Grimoire saw Bonnie trying to comfort a distraught Sandy.

"Sandy?" Grimoire frowned. "What's wrong?"

"It's that commissioner." Bonnie frowned. "He approached her while my back was turned and said some awful things…"

"H-he said he was going to take us all down..." Sandy sniffed, clutching her stomach. "And he was going to do something to our foal..."

"He did what?" Grimoire gasped.

"He tried to get me to rat out on you." Sandy declared. "And when I refused, he... he..." She then broke down, "Oh, Grim, I'm so scared! I don't want to lose our foal! I don't want to lose anypony!"

"Sandy..." Grimoire murmured, as he hugged her. "I can't believe he would do such a thing..."

"That buckin' rat!" Murray spat.

"Filth!" Salt roared.

"Odiferus barbarian!" Lars yelled

"He's gone too far this time!" Slot growled.

"He's gonna pay!" Sonny snarled.

"Big time!" Vinny added.

"Yeah, nopony threatens Sandy!" Caboose yelled. "Not unless she wants 'em to!"

"Well, that just about does it." Clyde growled. "That bucker's finally crossed the line. Come on, boys. It's time to settle this once and for all."

"Oh, yeah!" Salt cheered.

"We're with ya, pop!" Slot grinned.

"You can count me in." Murray nodded.

"And me." Sonny added.

"Ditto." Vinny grinned.

"It's not even a question." Lars declared.

"Nopony threatens my wife and foal." Grimoire declared, feeling a rather deep anger within. "And I will be damned if I let Killsquad get away with this."

"That's the family stallion's spirit, son." Clyde smirked, "No more being pushed around by the law."

"Yeah!" The brothers cheered, as they made to leave.

"Wait for me, guys!" Caboose rushed forward. "I want to kick butt too!"

"Not you, Caboose." Clyde stopped him with a hoof. "You stay here and protect Sandy and your mother and make sure you get them out of here if something happens."

"Something?" Caboose asked. "Like what?"

"... I'd rather not say." Clyde frowned.

"Seriously, like what?" Caboose asked again, very confused.

"Grim, do you have to go?" Sandy whimpered, "I... I don't..."

"I know you don't, Sandy..." Grimm sighed, nuzzling her. "But I have a duty as a husband to do this. I swore to you I wouldn't let anything happen to you and our foal, and I mean it."

"Oh, why do you have to be wonderful?" Sandy nuzzled him.

"Easy." Grimoire nuzzled her back. "With you to come back to, it all come so naturally."

"Be safe out there." Bonnie kissed Clyde. "Love you."

"Love you too." Clyde smiled. "Forever and ever..."

"Let's move out." Clyde told the others.

"Maybe we should call in some back-up from our remaining members." Grimoire suggested.

"Not this time." Clyde declared. "Killsquad threatened our family, and now this family is going to take care of him…once and for all."

Later, at the precinct, Killsquad was given an anonymous tip.

"Weapon smuggling at the south side docks..." He smirked. "Mount up, boys. It's game time!"

The 'Death Squad' made their way to the warehouse listed on the tip.

"Freeze!" Killsquad pulled open the door.

The warehouse was empty.

"What the-?" One of the squad members frowned. "Where are all the crooks?"

"Right here."

The Napoleons emerged from behind some crates.

"Well, well." Killsquad smirked. "Look like we struck gold, boys. Instead of the lackeys, we get the head honchos..."

"You didn't really give us much choice." Murray glared, "What with putting the kibosh on all our operations. Not to mention killing our agents."

"Just what I was hoping for." Killsquad smirked, "You are all under arrest for crossbow running, theft, assault, bribery, forgery, counterfeit, kidnapping, and general criminal activities. And soon, so will that old broad and that little mare of yours..."

"Oh, I don't think so." Clyde sneered. "For you see, we're the ones who sent you that tip."

"You don't say..." Killsquad nodded. "You had called us here, so you could turn yourselves in."

"Quite the contrary." Clyde spat. "We called you out here so we could kill you."

Using magic, Clyde closed and locked the gate.

"Just so you know, there's an anti-teleportation spell on this building." He added.

"What is this, Clyde?" Killsquad frowned. "Why the sudden hostility?"

"Simple, you pig." Clyde snarled. "It is one thing to threaten me or the empire, but it is an entirely different thing to threaten a poor pregnant mare that had nothing to do this whole stallionhunt!"

"Oh, she had something to do the moment she consorted herself with your son." Killsquad sneered, prompting a growl from Grimm, "And what's this about killing me? Isn't killing innocent ponies 'against' your code or something?"

"You lost the right to use that card the moment you began murdering our men." Clyde seethed, as he glared at his followers. "All of you. We are ending this right here, right now."

"Ooh, so scary." Killsquad mock-quivered. "You actually expect me to believe that any of you has the gall to kill a cop-"

Suddenly, a crossbow bolt embedded itself in one of the squad members' head, bringing him down.

"What the buck?!" A squad member screamed.

Everypony glanced at Slot, who was the one who fired the shot.

"Oh..." Slot murmured. "I'm sorry, I thought we were going to kill them now... my bad..."

"You *BLEEP!*..." Killsquad snarled. "Forget bringing them in. We'll say they resisted arrest! They're going down for good!"

"Wouldn't have it any other way!" Clyde roared.

The Napoleons dived back behind the crates, while the squad took aim, and an epic shoot-out began. The squad was good, but the Napoleons were better.

Murray scored some impressive headshots, while Sonny ignited his bolts, setting alight one of the squad.

"Ahhh!" The squad member screamed, jumping out of the window.

Lars, using some quick calculations, angled his shot so the bolt bounced off certain obstacles, and struck a squaddie in the back of the head.

Salt managed to affix a miniature boxing glove to his bolt, while Slot used a switchblade, ensuring nasty surprises for the targets.

"Eat it, scum!" Slot spat, as his blade-bolt embedded itself in a squaddie's neck.

With the squad members falling one by one, it seemed like things were going their way. Until...

"Keep it up, guys!" Grimm encouraged. "We've almost got- Ah!"

Grimoire suddenly took a bolt to the stomach.

"How do you like that, Napoleon?!" Killsquad growled.

"Grimoire!" Clyde gaped.

"No!" Murray yelled.

"Get him to cover!" Lars instructed.

Half the brothers provided cover fire, while the other half dragged Grimoire behind a larger pile of crates. Salt, who had underwent some basic medical training (in order to be a more effective fighter), looked Grimoire over.

"It doesn't look good." He declared, binding the wound with a torn piece of his suit.

"I'll be fine." Grimoire winced. "Just give me a moment..." He struggled to get up, only to gasp in pain. "GAH!"

"Grim, you've got to stay down." Vinny murmured.

"Never." Grimoire groaned. "I'm the eldest brother, aren't I? I'm in this to the bitter end! Besides, we've almost won!"

Clyde glanced at Grimoire, worrying about his well-being.

"This fight isn't over..." Clyde peeked past the crates, appraising the situation. "There's only three of them left. Boys, take Grim and get out of here."

"What?" Murray gasped. "Dad, we're not leaving you!"

"No way!" Slot agreed.

"Forget it!" Vinny growled.

"Not in a million years!" Sonny added.

"We're in this together, pop." Salt declared.

"You said it yourself." Grimoire said firmly, clutching his wound. "The family is going to take care of Killsquad."

"I changed my mind." Clyde shot back. "And I'm still the don, and your father, which means you do as I say!"

"But dad!" Grimiore tried to argue.

"Grim, you need medical help and fast! You got a wife and a foal on the way that needs you, and I can't let you or the others get hurt anymore!" Clyde explained.

"It ain't up to you!" Vinny declared.

"We're not just running away!" Slot added.

"Dad, we're staying here!" Lars declared.

"No." Clyde's horn lit up. "You're not."

The brothers all started to glow. Grimoire realized what was happening.

"Dad, do-" He said, before vanishing.

"Goodbye, boys." Clyde sighed. "...I love you all..."

The brothers reappeared in a field, almost a mile away.

"-N't!" Grimoire finished.

"He teleported us!" Murray gasped.

"How?" Sonny asked. "What about that anti-teleporting spell!"

"Dad was the one who cast it." Lars pointed. "Which meant he could also disable it."

"We have to go back!" Salt yelled. "We can't let him fight alone."

"Yes, he needs us!" Grimiore struggled to his hooves. "We need to get back there."

"But Pa probably already set the field back up." Lars muttered.

"Then we'll walk!" Grimoire spat.

'But what about your injuries, Grimoire?" Vinny frowned.

"I'll live!" Grimm growled, "We just need to get back there!"

"Yeah, come on!" Slot yelled, just as anxious to get back to the warehouse, "He can't hold out forever.

Back in the warehouse, Clyde charged out from behind the crates. He took out one of the squad using the element of surprise. The second fired back, but he zigzagged past, and took him out too. He set his sights on Killsquad, who leapt behind a crate.

"You're going down, Napoleon!" Killsquad yelled. "Your reign of terror ends here!"

"Terror?" Clyde frowned. "Everything I've done has been for the greater good of Bitaly!"

"Don't even bother." Killsquad spat. "You're the villain of this story, and I'm taking you out!"

"Not today!" Clyde fired.

Killsquad ducked, but not fast enough. There was the unmistakeable sound of bolt meeting flesh, and a cry of pain.

"Goodnight, Commisioner." Clyde snorted.

Clyde glanced around the room, seeing nothing but dead bodies all around him. With a satisfied smirk, the Clydesdale stallion made his way to the door. The Prancington's disease was really taking it's toll on him. His vision was starting to blur, and he could barely keep his balance.

Suddenly, just as he reached for the door, a bolt struck him in the back.

"Gah... ah..." Clyde fell to the ground, bleeding profusely from his wound.

Killsquad emerged from behind the crate, removing a bolt from his side, growling a bit in pain. He walked over to Clyde, and rolled him over on his back.

"Oh, what a shame this is." Killsquad spat out some blood. "Your own flesh and blood... left you to die, all by your lonesome."

Clyde chuckled a bit, before coughing up a bit of blood.

"You know what they say... live to see another day... besides, they did most of the work already." He rasped, as he smirked. "Let's see you try to ruin my empire now, with just one of you..."

"I can always get more stallions." Killsquad sneered.

"Really?" Clyde coughed. "...You think that once they hear how you let a dozen ponies get killed trying to take one family down, they'll be eager to volunteer?"

"...You think you and your 'family' are so clever..." Killsquad leaned in. "But mark my words, Clyde... one pony or a hundred, I will bring your entire empire down... and every single one of your sons will burn for their crimes... especially your eldest and his wife... once I tell Intercolt what happened here... it'll be all over for them..."

"Huh..." Clyde let out a weak breath. "Too bad... you won't be alive to tell them."

"Oh, and how you figure that?" Killsquad smirked. "I'm still kicking, and you're drowning in your own blood."

"...It seems that way..." Clyde admitted.

"That Prancingson's disease really took it's toll on you." Killsquad snickered. He then glanced around. "Well, it's about time I leave this place."

"Wait." Clyde yelled, prompting Killsquad to stop. "I just have something for you... before you go..." He held up a clenched hoof. "Give me your hoof."

"What kind of trick is this?" Killsquad frowned.

"Just take it." Clyde growled.

"Very well." Killsquad let out a heavy sigh.

Killsquad held out his hoof. Clyde clutched it with both of his, giving him something.

"See you in hell, motherbucker." Clyde declared.

With that, Clyde let out one last weak sigh, as his eyes glossed over and his body grew limp…within seconds, Clyde was no more…

"Hmm, pity..." Killsquad gave him a small nod, as he looked in the hoof... only to find a pin.

"W-what..." The stallion gaped in shock, as he then pulled open Clyde's jacket and vest... only to reveal a bunch of grenades...

"...Buck."

Meanwhile, the brothers were running back to the warehouse.

"If we hurry, there might still be time before-" Grimoire declared.

KABOOOOM!!

The entire warehouse exploded, blowing the brothers back. As the brothers struggled to their hooves, they glanced upon the scene with horror…

"Oh, no." Grimoire spluttered. "No, no..."

"Dad..." Murray sniffed.

"He's gone..." Salt groaned.

"Inconceivable." Lars shook his head in disbelief.

"His goose has been... cooked." Sonny buried his head in his hooves, breaking into tears.

"This is not happening..." Vinny refused to believe his eyes. "This is not happening..."

"NO!" Slot screamed, as he ran towards the flame, "DAD!"

"Slot, no!" Salt grabbed him.

"LET ME GO!" Slot cried, "DAD'S STILL IN THERE!"

"Slot... he's gone... Dad is gone..." Grimoire whispered.

"NO! BUCK YOU! HE'S NOT DEAD!" Slot roared, as he continued yelling. "DAD! DAD! PLEASE!" However his screams soon turn into sobs, as tears burst from his eyes, "Dad! No! Faust, no..."

The brothers just stood there, mourning the loss of their father as the flames raged on.

'Victory was ours, but at a terrible price. Our father, the great Clyde Napoleon, was gone. Somehow, I felt that my father knew he was going to die in that warehouse. That's probably why he had a vest full of grenades... however it didn't make things any easier on us... or Mom...'

The brothers trudged home, helping the hurt Grimoire get inside.

"Grim!" Sandy rushed to him. "You're hurt!"

"It's okay, Sandy." Grimoire winced.

"Well?" Bonnie asked. "Did you deal with Killsquad?"

"Yeah." Murray nodded. "He's done."

"Way to go, bros!" Caboose cheered.

"But..." Salt started.

"But what?" Bonnie asked. "...Where's your father?"

"Yeah, about that..." Slot sighed.

"He's..." Lars stuttered. "He's..."

"He's gone..." Sonny finished.

"But at least he took that slime Killsquad with him." Vinny added.

"No, it can't be..." Bonnie started to cry. "Not my Clyde!"

"Oh, Bonnie..." Sandy tried to sooth her. "I'm so sorry."

"Dad's... dead?" Caboose burst into tears. "Nooooo!" He ran over to Grimoire, crying into his chest.

"I know, Caboose..." Grimoire sniffed. "I know..."

The brothers continued their mourning, the loss of Clyde weighing heavily upon them.

'It felt like mere months ago that we lost Anarchy because of one monster, but when we lost our father because of another one, the pain was just beyond words. It wasn't till the next morning that we were able to actually start getting the funeral arranged. Mother ended up doing most of the work, despite our insistence to have her rest, but she powered on through. With a little help from Cavallo, we managed to put together cover stories for both him and Killsquad. As far as the world knew, Clyde Napoleon died when his new airship crashed, while Killsquad and his goons were killed after sparking a gas explosion in an old warehouse (by accident of course).'

The funeral of Clyde Napoleon was quite an affair. Friends and allies from all over came to pay their respects.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." Wizel the Changeling told the family. "Clyde was a noble soul."

"He saw ponies for what they were on the inside." Shady the Thestral remarked. "He gave me a job when nopony else would."

"May his flight to the next world be swift, and smooth." A Griffon by the name of Tiberius declared.

"Before we begin, I would like to play this recording." The minister, an old friend of the family, activated a phonograph. "Clyde had given me orders to play it when he had passed. According to what I heard, this was recorded last week... let's have a listen..."

The record started spinning, and Clyde's voice started speaking.

"Hello, family... If you're listening to this recording, I must assume that I am dead." The voice declared. "Don't weep, everypony. If I went out the way I think I have, then it's all good. I'm sure all of you had heard the rumors about me dying…and they were all true. According to the doctors, the Prancingson's disease would have killed me within months. I apologize for not telling any of you…but I did not wanted to be treated differently or like glass. And I didn't want anypony to try to overthrow me before my time was up. In the end, I am glad that I went out the way I did. Much better than my father did..."

"You were a fine stallion, Clyde." Wizel declared.

"The best." Shady said solemnly.

"There were never be another like you." Cavallo remarked.

"To my beautiful wife Bonnie, I'm sorry we couldn't get to grow old together. But we had a really good run, and I will always be thankful for the love you had given me and the sons you had blessed me with... I love you, Bonnie.."

"I love you too, Clyde." Bonnie wept. "Forever and ever..."

"To Murray, you keep on being a straight shooter and remember all I taught you about courting a mare..."

"Good times..." Murray nodded wistfully.

"Salt, I know a tough stallion like you will be okay. You just keep on truckin', you hear?"

"You know it, pop..." Salt choked back the tears.

"Vinny, I'm gonna miss tasting those concoctions you made, as well as your poor attempts at humor."

"The old guy never could take a joke..." Vinny quipped half-heartedly.

"That goes for you on your baking, Sonny. I only wished I could have shared my aquilegia soup with you before I died."

"I promise I'll recreate the recipe someday, dad." Sonny pledged.

"Lars, don't ever take that big brain of yours for granted."

"Affirmative." Lars whispered.

"Slot, you keep on going, and don't take any guff from nopony. No matter what."

"No worries, pop..." Slot cried.

"Caboose, my sweet youngest son, you are the most incredibly unique pony I've ever known. Don't you ever change, not for anypony."

"You got it, dad." Caboose squeaked.

"And to Sandy, I'm sorry I haven't been a better father-in-law to you, and doubly sorry that I'll never see my grandfoal. But I want you to know that my Grim is a lucky stallion, to have a mare as sweet and kind as you as his wife and a mother to his foal..."

"I never knew you cared...." Sandy sniffed. "You'd've been a great grandfather."

"And to my oldest son, Grim... I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye for the longest time, and there were times that I pushed you to the point where you almost left us, but didn't because of circumstances none of us could control. But you've made me proud over the years. Which is why I am officially passing on the mantle of don to you. It will all be up to you to carry on the legacy..."

"I won't let you down, dad." Grimoire said proudly.

"Good luck, my son... and to all our friends and comrades, those who had stuck it out for this family from the beginning to the bitter end, I give you a fond farewell and will see you on the other side. Goodbye, everypony..."

Soon, the sounds of a somber piano followed Clyde's words, as a song began to play.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

There wasn't a dry eye in the house as Clyde's casket, containing all that was left of him after the explosion, was driven into the furnace (Clyde having requested to be cremated).

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Soon, everypony began giving their condolences to the family, Cavallo being one of them.

"I'm so sorry." He told Bonnie. "If I had just-"

"Don't blame yourself." Bonnie told him. "Clyde chose his path, and he chose how to end it. And I know he was glad to call you a friend."
"Thank you." Cavallo sniffed. "...I'm really going to miss that old don..."

"We all will." Bonnie sighed.

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world

That evening, the Napoleons spread Clyde's ashes across the estate, as per his request.

"In a way, this means Clyde will always be with us." Bonnie said solemnly.

"Then how come it doesn't feel like it?" Caboose sniffed.

"I know it hurts, Caboose." Grimoire comforted his brother. "But trust me. It will get better."

"Really?" Caboose asked.

"Really." Grimoire nodded.

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

The next day, Grimoire was officially "sworn in" as the new don.

"Grimoire Napoleon." Bonnie declared, acting as the overseer. "Do you swear to uphold the honor and code of this family, and do everything in your power to support and provide not just us, but our many agents?"

"I do." Grimoire nodded.

"Then by the power vested in me, I thereby dub you don of the Napoleon family." Bonnie declared.

"Congrats, Grim!" Murray cheered.

"Who the don?" Salt jabbed Grimoire in the shoulder.

"Superlative!" Lars grinned.

"You're cookin' now!" Sonny added.

"I'm behind ya all the way, Grim!" Vinny smiled.

"We all are!" Slot agreed.

"Way to go, Grim!" Caboose smiled. "I mean... Mr. Grim, sir!"

"Don Grim." Sandy kissed Grim on the cheek. "I've got to admit, it's got a nice ring to it."

"Well, son, now that you're don, what are you going to do next?" Bonnie asked.

"I think I have an idea..." Grimoire mused.

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

A few days later, Sergeant Anous was packing up his stuff (since he hadn't had the chance to get it with Killsquad at the precinct). Grimoire entered the precinct.

"Sergeant Anous." He declared.

"Not anymore." Anous sighed. "I was fired."

"I am sorry to hear that…but what if I were to tell you I could get you your job back?" Grimoire offered.

"You can do that?" Anous frowned, "No bull-*BLEEP!*"

"Oh, I have connections." Grimoire declared. "But there's something I need from you in return."

"Which is?" Anous asked.

"You will consider the Napoleon family 'off-limits'." Grimoire said sternly. "If you, or anypony in this precinct ever harm, or threaten to harm anypony in my family ever again, I will do unto all of them what my father did unto Killsquad. And that's no bull-crud."

"O-okay." Anous gulped. While he had heard the official story of Killsquad's fate, he had also heard whispers regarding what really happened. He always knew that the Napoleon family was off, and the main reason he never really went after them was the fact that they scared him. "You got yourself a deal."

"Glad to hear it." Grimoire smiled. "I'll talk with Mr. Cavallo, and you should your job back by tomorrow, and you will be back to stopping jaywalkers and bat murderers."

Grimoire left the precinct, with the shell-shocked Anous panting heavily.

"And I thought Killsquad was scary..." Anous remarked.

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world

Enlarging your world
Mad world

'And that, dear friends, is the story of I became the don of the Napoleon crime family. The loss of our father was a harsh blow to us all, but like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the family was reborn under my leadership. I had trouble getting a grip on things at first, but I soon got the hang of it (due in no small part to my father's teachings). I like to think I've made dad proud. Maybe when I'm on the other side, I'll ask him...'

Author's Note

"Mad World" is the property of Gary Jules.

A New 'Speck' Of Life

'After the loss of our father, it took some time for things to settle down. As the new don, it was difficult for me to get a handle on things. It was a miracle that no other ponies tried to threaten the family in the next nine months... though there was that mess with a bolt gun wielding psycho named Anton Chickoruh, but we put him away eventually. Either way, I was so busy with my responsibilities that I found myself having less and less time to spend with Sandy, who was nearing the final stages of her pregnancy. Naturally, Sandy wasn't happy, and she let me know so.'

One evening, after Grimoire returned from a meeting with the Stabliani family, he walked into the study, and slumped, exhausted, into the chair.

"Busy day?"

Grimoire jumped in surprise. Sandy was sitting in the corner. He had been so tired, he hadn't noticed her. She was currently in her eleventh month of pregnancy, with the doctor predicting she would give birth at any time.

"Oh, sorry, darling." He apologized. "I didn't see you there."

"Big surprise." Sandy said sourly.

"Say what?" Grimoire frowned.

"Ever since you became the don, you've been spending more and more time working." Sandy declared. "You leave the house or hold meetings right after breakfast, and you keep coming back later and later. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I barely even see you anymore, and I miss you."

"I'm sorry, Sandy." Grimoire apologized. "But being the don is a lot of work. It's me who's keeping this family afloat now."

"And it's you who should be supporting your pregnant wife." Sandy countered.

"Well, it's not as if you're alone all day." Grimoire pointed out. "You have the servants, my brothers, and mom to keep you company."

"It's not the same." Sandy sighed. "Look Grim, the foal should be coming any day now, and I want you there when it happens."

"I want that too." Grimoire agreed. "Don't you think I'd love to see our foal enter the world with my own eyes?"

"Then take a few days off." Sandy urged. "I'm sure your little mafia family could survive a few days without you at the helm."

"It's not that simple." Grimoire declared. "Somepony has to be in charge, otherwise everything would collapse on itself."

"Melodramatic, much?" Sandy snorted. "Just appoint a substitute, then. What, there isn't anypony else you can trust to take the reins for a day or two? What about your brothers? I'm sure one of them is fit to hold the fort for you."

"My brothers?" Grimm frowned, "Sandy, I love them and all, but I can't trust them with something like this. They would try and fight over who gets to be in charge, and they would try to do things their own way. Bottom line, I'm the only one with the training and the know hows in being a don. Nopony else can do it, it has to be me."

"...Fine." Sandy huffed. "Put your career ahead of your family. But don't think you'll be sharing the bed with me tonight."

"Sandy, wait..." Grimoire called, as she left the room.

Sandy answered by slamming the door.

"I'm sorry..." Grimoire whispered, as he sat on his flanks, "Buck."

'Not a good start for this chapter, wouldn't you agree? I would soon face the dilemma of work vs. family again. Read on, in a chapter I call...'

Chapter Five: A New 'Speck' Of Life

'After my unfortunate conversation with Sandy, I was feeling quite low, as you can imagine. Fortunately, help was at hoof, from somepony well-versed in the subject of being pregnant and married to a don...'

Bonnie entered the study, shortly after Sandy left.

"I just saw Sandy, and she was in a seriously bad mood." She remarked. "And I have a feeling mood swings weren't the reason. What happened?"

"We had a fight." Grimoire sighed.

"I figured that was the case." Bonnie deadpanned. "What was it about?"

"About my work as a don keeping me so busy." Grimoire declared. "I think she's feeling neglected."

"You can't really blame her, can you?" Bonnie pointed out, "The mare practically craves affection from you."

"I don't mean to be so busy." Grimoire admitted. "It's just... being the don is so hard! There's so much to do, ponies to see, operations to oversee... just the other day, I had to organize an execution of Ukreinian bio-terrorists via firing squad. I had to spend all that afternoon trying to give a last rite in proper Ukreinian language. How did dad do it?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly easy for him, too." Bonnie declared.

"And as I recall, you and dad never argued about his work cutting into family time." Grimoire added.

"Of course not." Bonnie nodded. "Though your father put a lot of stock into being the don, he always made sure to leave time for me."

"I wish I could do that..." Grimoire groaned.

"Why can't you?" Bonnie asked.

"Because I have to make sure our work goes on." Grimoire stated. "Things were so fragile after dad died, if I take my focus off the mafia, things may fall apart entirely!"

"I know you want to do right by your father's memory, and keep things going smoothly..." Bonnie smiled. "But your agents can handle a few days without you. Most of them were hoof-picked by your father. He trusted their drive and initiative, and knew he could count on them to handle themselves."

"Maybe..." Grimoire sighed.

"Definitely." Bonnie said firmly. "Sandy is your wife. You owe it to her to support her during this time. Especially given how this foal was what got you two together in the first place."

"Maybe you're right..." Grimoire sighed.

"Of course I am." Bonnie smiled. "What's the point in running the family business if you neglect your actual family in the process?"

Grimoire lowered his head in shame.

"I know you'll do the right thing, son." Bonnie said as she left the room.

'Mom's words gave me a lot to think about, as I slept (or tried to, at least) on the couch that night. By the next morning, I had come to a decision...'

At breakfast, everypony was enjoying their food. Sandy was doing her best to ignore Grimoire, despite him sitting next to her. With a fleeting look at his wife, Grimoire cleared his throat.

"I have an announcement, everypony." He declared. Everypony, including Sandy, glanced at him. "It has been brought to my attention that in trying to fix up the empire after Killsquad's onslaught and other matters, I have been neglectful in my husbandly duties."

"Well, it's hardly your fault." Lars declared. "Being the don is hard work."

"Besides, that Killsquad really made a mess of our operations." Sonny added.

"I know that." Grimoire nodded. "But it's no excuse for leaving Sandy alone."

"Yeah, on her own, in this big fancy mansion, with servants to attend to her every whim..." Vinny snorted.

Sandy glared at Vinny.

"Which is why, that in light of Sandy's pregnancy coming to a close, I've decided to take a brief break from my duties as don, so I can support her for when the foal arrives."

"You have?" Sandy smiled.

"You have?!" The brother chorused.

"But Grim... you're the don!" Murray gaped. "You can't just take time off!"

"Can't I?" Grimoire countered.

"No, you can't!" Salt pointed out. "All our boys-"

"Will be just fine." Grimoire declared. "Or are they so incompetent that they can't operate on their own for a few days?"

"He does have a point." Lars admitted.

"Of course he does." Sandy stepped in. "They're not children. Grim doesn't have to hold their hooves every step of the way."

"But what if there's... y'know, a problem?" Sonny asked.

"I'm sure one of our senior members can handle it." Grimoire declared. "Or failing that, one of you guys can take care of things."

"No sweat, Grim!" Caboose smiled. "I'm great at handling things!"

"Since when?" Slot snorted.

"No offense Grim, but I kinda think you're letting us down here." Vinny frowned. "What would dad say?"

"He'd say that Grimoire is being a good husband." Bonnie said sternly. "Your father took time out from being don to support me when I was pregnant with each of you, and now Grimoire is doing the same."

Vinny sat down, sufficiently cowed. Meanwhile, Grimoire turned to Sandy.

"Sandy, I swear I will stay by your side until that foal is born." He pledged. "I wouldn't want to miss the birth of our child for anything."

"Thank you, Grim." Sandy kissed him. "I know how hard that must have been for you."

"Not as hard as having you disappointed in me." Grimoire smiled. "I won't be making that mistake again."

Grimoire kissed Sandy back.

"Aww..." Bonnie smiled.

"Ew." Slot gagged.

"I tuned out." Caboose said suddenly. "What's happening now?"

"But Grim, which of us should be trusted to head all the operations and stuff?" Salt asked.

"As of now, I don't care." Grimm shrugged, as he took Sandy's hoof, "You guys will have to figure it out for yourself. As for me and Sandy…I believe some light snuggling in is order."

"Light, huh?" Sandy chuckled. "We'll see about that..."

The two left the dining room, leaving the brothers and Bonnie in the room.

"Well, obviously, I should take charge." Murray declared. "I am the next oldest, after all."

"Oh, please." Salt snorted. "What are you gonna do when a problem comes up, shoot at it?"

"Oh, and I suppose you'd just punch it?" Murray asked.

"If I have to!" Salt snarled.

"Clearly, I should be in charge." Lars said pompously. "I am the smartest, after all."

"Jeez, ego much?" Sonny snickered.

"This coming from a glorified baker?" Lars sneered.

"You guys are all nuts." Vinny smirked. "I should be in charge."

"Sez you, ya lush!" Slot spat. "I'm the best choice!"

"Oh right, because all great leaders have anger management issues." Vinny declared.

"I keep telling you, don't have 'anger management' issues!" Slot roared, smashing his plate under his hoof.

The brothers (save for Caboose) started arguing amongst themselves for the position. Bonnie sat in her chair, unfazed by all the friction

"Oh, I've missed days like this." She smiled. "Just like old times..."

"I still don't have a clue what's happening." Caboose shrugged.

'For the next few days, I was true to my word. I stayed by Sandy's side day and night. I was quite jumpy at the time, fearing that any out-of-place sound or movement on Sandy's part meant the foal was coming. Oh, so many false alarms... Why, I almost wrenched my back from standing up too quickly. On the sixth of my 'sabbatical', things went by as usual...'

Sandy was sitting out in the garden, reading a book. Grimoire walked over, carrying some ice tea, cookies and a parasol with his magic.

"Everything okay?" He asked. "Are you hungry, thirsty? Too much sun, too little sun?"

"I'm fine, Grim." Sandy rolled her eyes. "Though I wouldn't say no to a cookie."

"Coming right up." Grimoire levitated one over to her.

"Mmm." Sandy enjoyed the cookie. "Lemme guess; One of Sonny's macaroons?"

"Of course." Grimoire nodded. "I know how much you love his baking."

"I don't know how to thank you, Grim." Sandy smiled. "You've been so sweet and attentive these past few days."

"Only the best for my special gal." Grimoire beamed, stroking her stomach with his hoof. "And her precious cargo."

"It shouldn't be too long now." Sandy chuckled. "You ready to be a dad?"

"I hope so." Grimoire said earnestly. "I've never exactly received training, but if dad could do, so can I. How about you, ready to become a mom?"

"As read as I'll ever be." Sandy responded, a somewhat worried tone in her voice. Grimoire failed to notice it.

"Come on, let's go inside and read in the study." He suggested. "We just got a fresh batch of books."

"Sounds great." Sandy smiled.

Taking Grimoire's hoof, Sandy was led back into the house. Just as they were about to enter the study, Sandy suddenly stopped.

"What's wrong?" Grimoire asked.

"I think... I think..." Sandy suddenly winced. "I-ahhh!"

Warm liquid suddenly poured down Sandy's leg.

"I think my water just broke." Sandy said redundantly.

'I'd like to say I handled things with a cool, calm head... but that would be an utter lie.'

"Oh Faust, it's time!" Grimoire gasped, hopping on the spot in shock. "Don't panic! Everything's going to be okay! Don't panic!"

"I'm not." Sandy gritted her teeth. "I'm just in a lot of pain at the moment. I would appreciate if you got me to the hospital... like NOW!!"

"Right, right!" Grimoire snapped out of his panic. He turned to a Griffon servant. "Quickly, bring the carriage around!"

"Yes, sir!" The Griffon nodded.

"And you, inform the rest of the family!" Grimoire told an Earth Pony maid.

"At once, Mr Napoleon!" The maid raced off down the hall.

At that moment, gathering up as much strength as he could, Grimoire lifted Sandy up with his magic.

"Whoa!" Sandy yelped.

"Hang on, Sandy!" Grimoire declared. "We're on our way!"

Grimoire carried Sandy out into the driveway, placing her into the carriage.

"Hospital, now!" He told the two Pegasi pulling it.

"Yes, sir!" The Pegasi chorused. They spread their wings and took off, dragging the carriage with it.

Meanwhile, the Griffon servant found the rest of the family in the lounge. The brothers had indeed took it upon themselves to cover for Grimoire, and were quite tired for it.

"Boy, what a week." Murray groaned.

"No kidding." Salt agreed. "Those Ridellis were tough customers, huh?"

"How about those investors from Japony?" Vinny added. "That was rough, huh?"

"It would've been a little less rough if Caboose hadn't asked them to show us their samarerai swords." Slot glared at Caboose.

"Can you believe they didn't even have one between them?" Caboose pouted. "Some Japonese ponies they were..."

"And the less said about the Cloppolas, the better." Lars groaned.

"Boy, who knew being in charge was so hard?" Sonny asked.

"I think you boys are doing pretty well, all things considered." Bonnie smiled.

"Thanks, ma." Murray beamed.

The Griffon entered the lounge.

"Sirs, madam, Miss Sandy has gone into labor." He announced.

"What, now?!" Sonny gasped.

"Yes." The Griffon nodded. "Master Grimoire is taking her to the hospital as we speak."

"Oh, at last!" Bonnie cheered.

"We'd better follow." Lars noted. "Grim and Sandy will be needing some moral support."

"Not to mention we'll finally get to meet our new nephew!" Murray added.

"And what makes you think it'll be a colt?" Bonnie asked.

"'Course it'll be a colt." Slot snorted. "Look around, ma. Only colts have ever been born to this house."

"Hey, less talkin', more boltin'!" Vinny said impatiently.

"Vinny's right." Salt nodded. "Let's move!"

"Woo-woo!" Caboose cheered, as they raced to their back-up carriage.

Meanwhile, Grimoire and Sandy arrived at the hospital. Once again carrying Sandy with his magic, Grimoire raced inside, only to find his way blocked by a gauntlet of charitable and religious ponies seeking donations.

"Excuse me, I represent the church of Megan." One stallion approached, holding up a flower. "Please accept this flower-"

Grimoire walked past the stallion, ignoring him.

"A moment of your time, please?" Another stallion stepped forward, holding a pamphlet. "Would you-" Grimoire pushed him aside.

"Donations to the society of the moon?" Another asked. Grimoire kicked him in the stomach.

"Homes for Hydras?" Another stepped forward. Grimoire brought him down with a karate chop.

"Ever read about Jehoovah's Witnesses?" Yet another stallion asked. Grimoire vaulted over his back, taking down another. "How about Foodhism?" Grimoire flipped the stallion onto his back. "Uhhh!"

"Help Jerry's Kids?" Another stallion stepped forward. Grimoire punched him out.

"Sorcerolog-eee!" The stallion was flipped by Grimoire mid-sentence.

"Sunstone power?"

Grimoire kneed the stallion, then struck him in the back of the head, bringing him down. Stopping only to adjust his tie, Grimoire carried Sandy over to the reception.

"Was all that violence necessary?" Sandy frowned.

"Sorry. Got ripped off once by some charity called "Save the Bushwoolies' after months of them pestering me. Can't really help it." Grimoire sighed.

"Oh, I'm not saying it's bad. It's actually kind of a turn on... if I was not in complete agony right now!" Sandy howled.

"Alright, alright." Grimm soothed, as he approached the reception desk. "Excuse me, but my wife is about to give birth." He said curtly. "Where is the maternity unit?"

"Third floor, sir." The receptionist mare answered.

"Third floor?" Sandy wheezed. "Whose stupid idea was that? I'm dying over here!"

"Don't worry, there's an elevator over there." Grimoire pointed out.

"Um sir, that lift is-" Grimoire raced off before she could finish.

Grimoire eased Sandy into the elevator before entering himself.

"Okay, it won't be long now." He smiled, as he hit the "3" button.

"Good, because I'm starting to feel like Michael Flouncely's doing the riverdance in my stomach."

The elevator started to rise up. Suddenly, there was a grinding sound.

"What th-" Grimoire frowned.

Without warning, the elevator dropped down to the basement, crashing with a loud thud.

"Are you okay, Sandy?" Grimoire groaned, a tad shaken.

"I'm fine." Sandy cringed. "Good thing we were already on the ground floor..."

Grimoire pushed the button to open the doors, but nothing happened.

"Oh, no..." He spluttered, tapping the button repeatedly. "No, no, no, no...We're stuck!"

"Ah!" Sandy yelled loudly.

"What's wrong?" Grimoire asked.

"Contractio-ahhh!" Sandy screamed. "Getting worse!"

"Just relax." Grimoire told her. "Remember your breathing exercises..."

"Buck my breathing!" Sandy yelled. "This bucking hurts!"

"Don't worry." Grimoire stroked her mane. "I'm here for you..."

"Yeah, I know." Sandy nodded, gasping again as she grasped her stomach, trying her best not to cry. "I know…"

"Sandy, is something wrong?" Grimm frowned. Sandy blanched at him. "Aside from the obvious, of course."

"It's nothing." Sandy sighed, panting a bit from her contractions. "It's just... I'm just worried. About the future."

"The future?" Grimoire repeated.

"Yes... Grim, I really appreciated all the efforts you made to make up for all the time you spent trying to be the don, but I know you can't shirk them off forever just for me." Sandy cringed. "You'll be back to work, and... I'll hardly see you again... me... and our foal."

"Hey, I won't let that happen." Grimiore declared. "Things have been going well so far with the family. I might be able to get away with just checking in and making sure something hadn't burn down or something..."

"But in doing so, you'd be neglecting them." Sandy murmured. "I know how important the family business is to you, and I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that... it's just..."

"Just what?" Grimiore frowned.

"My mom was just some regular nopony that got involved with a unsavory politician. The second I was born, they dumped me on the doorstep of the nearest orphanage. Mom couldn't afford me, while dad didn't need the stain on his reputation. They both saw me as nothing but an inconvenience." Sandy whimpered, unable to fight the tears. "I practically grew up my entire life without a father... and I don't want our foal to grow up the same way... I know you're nothing like him, but the fear is still there... you know?"

"I do." Grimoire nodded. "Fear is a powerful thing. I still remember how afraid I was at following in dad's footsteps. I once swore never to be anything like him. How things change."

"But your dad was essentially a decent stallion, deep down." Sandy admitted. "Mine wasn't. I've always hated him for abandoning me in favor of his career. And I don't want our foal to feel the same way about you."

"That won't happen." Grimoire pledged. "I promise you, I'll never let anything come between any of us. I'll be there for you, just as I'm here for you now."

"Thanks, Grim." Sandy smiled tearfully, in spite of the pain. "But now I am concerned, what if something goes wrong, and we need a doctor? We'll be out of luck!"

"Not exactly." Grimoire smiled. "I watched mom give birth to Caboose, and I think I got the gist of it."

"'The gist'?" Sandy cringed. "Oh, boy..."

Meanwhile, the brothers and Bonnie arrived at the hospital. They rushed past the wounded, groaning stallions on their way in, and headed to the reception.

"Excuse me, miss- hubba, hubba." Vinny stared at the receptionist. "Hey, pretty lady, you doin' anything tonight?"

"Step aside." Lars shoved Vinny aside. "Have you seen a gray Unicorn stallion and a heavily pregnant Earth Pony mare?"

"Yes, they were looking for the maternity ward." The receptionist nodded. "They got into the out of order elevator by mistake, and I'm afraid they're stuck."

"Oh no!" Bonnie gasped.

"We gotta help them!" Murray declared.

"We've already called the fire department." The receptionist told them. "They should be here shortly."

"Not soon enough!" Salt said firmly. "Point us to that elevator!"

"Um... over there!" The receptionist pointed.

The family raced over to the broken elevator.

"Anypony got a crowbar?" Sonny asked. Slot, Vinny, and Salt pulled out one each. "I know, silly question..."

With gusto, the trio jammed their crowbars into the elevator doors, prying it open. They looked down the shaft, seeing the car below.

"Okay, we'll have to lower somepony down to get them out of there." Murray declared. "Which one of us weighs the least?"

"That'd be Caboose." Slot pointed out.

"You callin' me not-fat?" Caboose pouted.

"Just get in there." Lars groaned, tying some rope around him.

While Caboose was being lowered, he heard Sandy's screams, as the grueling process of birth continued for her.

"Sandy never was the best singer..." He cringed.

Inside the car, Grimoire was helping Sandy as best he could.

"Okay, just push... push..." He urged.

"What do you think I'm do-AAARRRGH!" Sandy screeched. "Why did you do this to me, you Bitalian scum?!"

"Um... sorry?" Grimoire gulped.

"'Sorry' isn't good enou-AAARRRGH!" Sandy yelled.

"I think I can see the head!" Grimoire gasped. "Just a little harder, and..."

"AHHHH!" Sandy let out one final roar of pain, which was soon replaced by the cries of a newborn foal. The young one had a brown coat and mane, and green eyes, and was a Earth Pony, just like her mother.

"Is... is it...?" Sandy wheezed breathlessly, as Grimoire cut the umbilical cord with a knife.

"Absolutely fine." Grimoire smiled, handling the little one to her.

"Oh, my darling foal..." Sandy embraced the newborn.

Grimoire smiled, taking in the moment.

'That was quite the significant moment in my life. I was finally a father. I felt all sorts of emotions; Relief, pride, joy, a little bit of worry, and an overwhelming urge to protect my foal. As I looked upon that little bundle of new life, I told myself I would always be there for her, always provide for her, and always give her a shoulder to cry on.'

Suddenly, the ceiling door to the elevator opened up to reveal Caboose.

"Need a hoof, bro?" Caboose smiled.

"Wouldn't mind the assist." Grimoire grinned with relief.

Caboose eased himself into the car.

"Ohhh, you had the foal." He smiled, taking a close look. "And it's a colt... and what a colt! Men, he looks just as big as Slot does right-"

"That's the umbilical cord, Caboose." Grimoire rolled his eyes. "It's a filly."

"Oh, right." Caboose said sheepishly.

"Hey, 'Boose!" Murray yelled down the shaft. "How about a progress report?"

"How are Grim and Sandy?" Vinny added.

"Forget them, how's the foal?" Slot asked. "It's a colt, right?"

"We got a filly, guys!" Caboose called up the shaft.

"Say what?!" Murray gaped.

"No way!" Salt frowned.

"It's supposed to be a colt!" Vinny added.

"So much for our family's streak..." Sonny frowned.

"It flies in the face of all previous outcomes..." Lars shook his head.

"Great, another sissy filly in the house." Slot sneered.

"What was that?!" Grimoire said threateningly.

"I mean, yay!" Murray said unenthusiastically.

"Great!" Salt added.

"Terrific!" Vinny whooped.

"Superlative!" Lars forced himself to say.

"What he said!" Sonny sighed.

"Guess it's not the end of the world..." Slot sighed.

Moments later, Grimoire, Sandy and their filly was pulled out of the shaft.

"She's beautiful." Bonnie cooed at the newborn, "Just like her mother."

"Thanks... grandma." Sandy beamed.

"Y'know, she's kinda cute." Murray admitted.

"No doubt." Salt agreed. "Maybe it won't be so bad having a filly around."

"Look at that sweet little face!" Sonny cooed.

"A truly lovely little one." Lars agreed.

"Yeah, I guess..." Slot shrugged.

"We're all uncles now." Vinny cooed. "What a feeling..."

"So what are you going to name her?" Sonny asked.

"I wanted to call her Dust." Sandy smiled.

"Dust?" Grimoire frowned. "Why?"

"It was my best friend's name, back when I was a kid. We spent years playing together." Sandy declared. "Then one day, she got adopted, and I never saw her again. I still think about her sometimes..."

"I suppose it'll do." Grimoire nodded. "Dust Speck-Napoleon. Maybe... 'Dusty' for short."

"Coochie-coochie-coo!" Caboose tickled Dusty. "Hi, Dusty! I'm your uncle Caboose!"

Dusty giggled loudly.

"Hey, can I pick her middle name?" Caboose asked. "Please?"

"Of course, Caboose." Sandy smiled. "It's because of you that she even exists. Its the least I can do."

"Okay... I pick... Donut!" Caboose smiled.

"Donut?" Vinny frowned. "Isn't that the name of the stallion you thought was a mare?"

"Oh, I remember." Slot snickered. "You asked him out, and he slugged you!"

"Well, could ya blame me?" Caboose shrugged. "He was pink! Still a nice name, though..."

"If you're born in a bakery..." Sonny frowned.

"I think it's a wonderful name." Sandy nodded.

"So do I." Grimoire agreed. "Dust Donut Speck-Napoleon. Our daughter."

The proud parents cuddled together with their filly.

"As lovely as this scene is, we'd better get Dusty checked out." Lars noted. "Who knows what filth was in that elevator..."

"Good thinking, Lars." Grimoire smiled. "Let's go, darling."

"Of course." Sandy grinned.

"Let's take the stairs." Murray declared. "Just in case..."

"Smart thinking." Salt agreed.

"Watch your step, guys." Caboose told Grimoire and Sandy. "There's a bunch of unconscious ponies on the floor."

That evening, Grimoire and Sandy looked at their daughter, as she slept in her new cot.

"Hard to believe we could make something so beautiful." Grimoire smiled. "Then again, look at her mother."

"Oh, you." Sandy smiled. "She's amazing, isn't she?"

"I know." Grimoire nodded. "And I meant what I said back there. I'm going to be the best dad I can to her."

"I know you will." Sandy kissed him.

Grimoire suddenly yawned.

"What a day." He remarked. "I'm about ready for bed."

"Me too." Sandy smirked. "Speaking of which, maybe we could get to work on making Dusty a sibling, so she really doesn't get lonely..."

"We'll see..." Grimoire chuckled, as they climbed into bed together.

'And that, dear readers, is the story of how my beautiful daughter came to be. Dusty brought me all sorts of joy over the years. She had given me so much that I would never had had me and Sandy not conceive her that fateful day in the Palomino Canals, and brought me all manner of pride as she grew into a mare that would come to marry a prince and have two wonderful foals of her own. But I will never forget that first day, when she was but a little filly, so tiny, so vulnerable, so adorable. If there is one thing in my life I have no regrets about, it's being a father. And now, with my second wife Zecora expecting my second foal in a couple of months' time, I look forward to that day when I become a father all over again...'

The Coming Of O'Malley

'After the birth of Dusty, it seemed like things had finally settled into place. I had found an even balance between being the don and spending time with my family.

Sandy had even finally grew accustomed to her life as the wife of a don. She learned Bitalian, took on a new manestyle, and even did some research into our way of business (so she wouldn't be lost whenever our dealings came up over dinner).

Our deal with Sergeant Anous held fast, and slowly but surely, we had replenished our depleted ranks. Business was once again booming, and everything was going smoothly.

It was like a new golden age had dawned for the Napoleon family. I guess I should've known it was too good to last...'

Within the depths of Bitaly's premiere gambling lounge, "The Lucky Filly", Caboose and his brothers (minus Grimoire) were playing poker, and Caboose was proving quite the player.

"Full house!" He grinned, slamming his cards on the table. "Pay up, suckers!"

The others groaned loudly, as they pushed their chips over to him.

"Not again!" Slot yelled.

"He's gotta be cheatin'!" Sonny pouted.

"The probability of getting so many winning hooves is quite high..." Lars admitted.

"Nah, Caboose is too dumb to cheat." Salt shook his head. "Believe or it, it's pure skill."

"Of all the things Caboose had to be good at, why did it have to be cards?" Vinny sighed.

"You're on a roll tonight, 'Boose." Murray admitted. "Maybe you should, er... quit while you're ahead?"

"No way!" Caboose chuckled. "I'm rakin' it in! I got a ton of cash, and I'm rarin' for more!"

A nearby mare suddenly stopped in her tracks, having overheard Caboose. She had a flawless peach-colored coat, cream-colored mane, dazzling green eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a bowl of peaches and cream. She sauntered over to the brothers' table, standing right next to Caboose.

"Hey there, handsome." She purred.

"Hey yourse-" Caboose turned to look at her, and froze up. "-He-he-he.... hubba-hubba."

"Well, hello, good-looking." Slot smirked, leanin' in. "Lookin' for a good time?"

"Get lost." The mare said nastily, pushing him away, before turning to Caboose. "My name's Peaches Cream. What's yours?"

"C-c-c-caboose..." Caboose drooled.

"Hi, Caboose." Peaches smiled. "I couldn't help but notice how suave and debonair you are..."

"Him?" Lars gaped.

"Me?" Caboose gasped.

"Oh, yeah." Peaches nodded, toying with Caboose's mane. "I bet you're the kind of stallion who knows how to show a girl a good time."

"You'd lose that bet..." Salt said under his breath.

"Well, I do like to have fun..." Caboose said nervously.

"I'm talking about real fun." Peaches grinned. "Like... in the bedroom."

"I-I don't think this story has a high enough rating for that." Caboose gulped.

"We'll see about that." Peaches smirked. "Maybe we could talk about it over some drinks."

"S-sure!" Caboose stood up. "I'll buy!"

"If you insist." Peaches took his hoof.

The brothers looked on, flabbergasted, as Caboose and Peaches headed over to the bar.

"...What just happened?" Sonny frowned.

"I don't believe what I just saw." Vinny gaped. "Caboose got himself... a marefriend?"

"Inconceivable..." Lars shook his head in disbelief.

'And so it was that Caboose got his first marefriend. We were all surprised, of course. Caboose never seemed like the "lady's stallion" type, yet somehow, he had gotten an incredibly attractive mare without even trying. I was happy for him at first, as was Sandy and mom, but it soon became clear that something wasn't quite right with Ms Cream, as we venture into a darker side of our family history, in a chapter I call...'

Chapter Four: The Coming Of O'Malley

A few weeks after they started dating, Caboose returned to the manor just in time for breakfast. Bonnie, Sandy and all the brothers were sat at the dining table. Dusty, currently a few months old, was slamming her hooves into her bowl of pureed apricot, sending the contents flying everywhere.

"Hey, guys." He said flatly.

"Hey, 'Boose." Murray smiled.

"So, how was your latest booty call?" Slot asked.

"It was... okay." Caboose shrugged.

"Okay?" Grimoire frowned.

"Y'know, just... standard dating stuff." Caboose said evasively. "Same old, same old. No big deal."

"Honey, what's wrong?" Bonnie asked, concerned.

"It's... nothing." Caboose sighed. "Nothing at all."

"Come on, Caboose." Lars urged. "We're all family here. You can tell us."

"Well, to be honest, making love to Peaches is kinda like making love to a board." Caboose admitted. "She just lies there, completely still, and lets me do all the work. Most of the time, she's the only one getting off."

"Weird." Vinny mused. "Usually, hot mares are total experts in the sack."

"If you ask me, she oughta start pullin' her own weight." Salt growled.

"Yeah." Sonny agreed. "Tell her to start doin' the work herself!"

"I don't wanna upset her." Caboose remarked. "I mean, you know how amazing she is. I'm lucky to have gotten a mare like that. Don't wanna push it, ya know?"

"Maybe she's just not that... adventurous in bed?" Bonnie suggested.

"I don't know." Caboose shook his head, "She seemed so energetic the first few times we did it, but now, she always seems... bored."

"That's no shock." Slot smirked, earning him an elbow from Sonny.

"Take from a real lady's stallion." Salt grinned. "Sometimes, the action in bed can get a little... dull. Maybe you oughta spice things up a little."

"Salt's right." Sonny nodded. "If your lady's getting bored, you've gotta bring some excitement back into things."

"I guess I could try that..." Caboose mused.

"It's still not fair to Caboose, though." Sandy frowned. "Relationships are about working together, not having one partner doing all the work."

"It's no big deal." Caboose shrugged. "Just being with her is good enough for me. She's always hugging and stroking me, and showering me with compliments... totally makes up for the lack of action in bed."

"I highly doubt that." Murray frowned.

"Yeah. Don't you know that seventy percent of every relationship is physical intimacy?" Salt asked, "If that fails, then what kind of relationship are you having?" He reclined in his chair. "Not a good one, that's what."

"I'm not 100% certain on the math, but Salt makes a good point." Lars admitted.

"Yeah." Vinny nodded. "If Peaches chose for you to be her coltfriend, you have to make sure she doesn't regret it."

"And that's another thing." Slot sneered at Caboose. "What does a hot piece of flank like Peaches see in a... whatever like you?!"

"Knock it off, Slot." Grimoire admonished him. "There's a lot about Caboose that a mare could love."

"Like what?" Slot spat. "The fact that he's a total doofus?"

"Manslaughter Napoleon, you mind your little brother!" Bonnie chimed in.

"...Yes, mom." Slot sighed. Even though he was now an adult, he was powerless against her authoritative voice.

"That's true, but, no offense, Caboose doesn't exactly have a way with mares." Murray admitted. "And Peaches pretty much made all the moves. She just walked right over to him and started flirting."

"Can I help it if I'm a chick magnet?" Caboose shrugged.

"In your dreams, pal." Murray snickered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Caboose growled indignantly.

"Look, pal, we're just concerned that there might be something off about this whole thing you have going with Peaches." Salt frowned.

"Like what?" Caboose asked.

"Well, in all probability, a sensationally stunning mare just coming out of nowhere and wanting you to be her coltfriend is more than a little unlikely." Lars admitted.

"And making you do all the work in bed?" Sonny added. "That's kinda suspect."

"As in 'totally crazy'." Slot sneered.

"I think it's wonderful that you finally have a marefriend, Caboose." Bonnie admitted. "But maybe you shouldn't take things at face value."

"Seriously guys, quit buttin' in to my romantic lifestyle. I'm happy with Peaches. Doesn't that count for anything?" Caboose pouted.

"Of course it does." Sandy agreed. "But you can't blame us for looking out for you. We're family, after all."

"Sandy's right, little brother." Grimoire smiled.

"Just because I'm the youngest doesn't mean you always have to look out for me." Caboose said indignantly. "Trust me, everything's fine."

'We tried to take Caboose at his word, we really did. But over time, more evidence began to mount up, suggesting that Peaches was far from the perfect marefriend...'

One afternoon, a month or so later, the family were all relaxing in the lounge. Dusty was in her crib, and Caboose was playing with her.

"Bleuh!" Caboose made a funny face. "Bleuh!"

"Funny, 'Boose, funny!" Dusty giggled madly.

"You're so good with her, Caboose." Sandy smiled.

"What can I say?" Caboose shrugged. "Kids love me! Right, Dusty-wusty?"

"Yah!" Dusty gurgled.

"That's no big surprise." Slot snorted. "He's like a big kid himself."

"And your point is?" Caboose asked.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Ooh, that'll be Peaches!" Caboose smiled. "I'm taking her to that new restaurant tonight!"

"You mean that really expensive one, with all the fancy imported foods?" Sonny asked.

"That's the one." Caboose nodded. "Peaches said she'd never eaten at a fancy restaurant before, so I offered to take her."

"You sure you have the money for that?" Lars asked. "I mean, just last week, you were telling us about how you bought some solid gold bracelets she asked for."

"She said they'd bring out her eyes." Caboose grinned. "And boy, do they ever!"

"What about paying for her trip to that super-exclusive spa?" Salt asked.

"She needed the treatment." Caboose shrugged. "A face like hers doesn't stay pretty on it's own, you know."

"Wait." Sandy frowned. "Has Peaches bought you anything?"

"Well, now that you mention it, not really." Caboose shrugged. "But she doesn't have a lot of money herself. Can't really blame her."

"You don't say." Sandy muttered. "Don't you think your relationship might be a little... materialistic?"

"...I have no idea what that word means." Caboose admitted. "Anyways, I gotta go. Don't wanna keep Peaches waiting."

As Caboose raced out of the room, Sandy turned on the brothers.

"Why haven't you told him?" Sandy asked.

"Told him what?" Grimoire asked.

"That Peaches is obviously just using him for his money?" Sandy growled. "You all see it, don't you?"

"Well, duh, he's Caboose." Slot snarked. "You think some bombshell like that bimbo would had gone for him when there was Murray and Salt in the same room?"

"Knock it off, Slot." Murray glared. "...He does have a point though."

"It is pretty obvious." Sonny admitted.

"To everypony except Caboose." Salt sighed.

"So why don't you tell him?" Sandy scowled. "He has no idea that he's being stringed along, and he's wasting all his money on this girl. Why don't you stop this before he gets hurt?"

"He'd never learn if we did." Murray declared.

"Yeah, like that time he made an indoor water slide out of the stairs." Vinny added. "If we'd taken him to the hospital after he wiped out, he wouldn't have learned anything."

"Or back when he thought he could grow Bits on a money tree." Lars added. "Ludicrous as it was, we had to let him learn the truth for himself."

"So you're just going to let live in blissful ignorance, until that Peaches mare tosses him aside?" Sandy spat. "How is that supposed to be 'looking out for him'?"

"I know it looks bad, Sandy." Grimoire soothed her. "But Caboose isn't a child. He needs to be given the freedom to make his own mistakes. As much as I may want to, I can't treat like my baby brother forever. I'm sure he'll catch on to Peaches true intentions... eventually."

"...Fine." Sandy huffed. "By that way. I just hope Caboose finds out soon. I don't want to see him get hurt."

"Neither do I." Grimoire agreed. "But Caboose told us to butt out of his romantic life, and we have to respect that."

'In retrospect, perhaps I should have done something. It may have prevented what came next. But, as the stubborn old stallion that I am, I stuck to my guns. And as it turned out, 'soon' was earlier than any of us thought.'

Just over a week later, Grimoire was in the lounge, playing with Dusty.

"Who wants the rattle?" Grimoire shook the toy.

"Me! Me!" Dusty squealed.

Grimoire gave Dusty the rattle, and she started shaking it.

"Yay!" She squealed. "Rattle! Rattle!"

"That's my girl." Grimoire beamed.

Just then, Caboose shambled by the open door. His usual chirpy attitude was gone, replaced by a look of sad vacancy.

"Caboose?" Grimoire noticed. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." Caboose sighed. "I just... need to be alone right now."

Caboose rushed beyond the door.

"Unca 'Boose... sad?" Dusty asked.

"I think so, dear." Grimoire nodded.

Grimoire carried Dusty out to the garden, where Sandy was.

"Can you take over for a second?" He passed Dusty over to his wife.

"Sure." Sandy nodded, before taking note of the look on her husband's face. "What's the matter?"

"Caboose." Grimoire said simply. "He just walked by, and he's really not himself."

"I think I can guess what's wrong." Sandy said darkly.

"I should at least find out for sure." Grimoire declared.

Grimoire headed over to Caboose's room. He knocked twice, and, when he received no answer, opened the door, finding Caboose curled up on his bed, staring into space.

"Caboose, please." Grimoire walked over him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Caboose replied. "Everything's fine."

"Come on, Caboose." Grimoire urged. "You can tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." Caboose folded his hooves. "Nothing to report."

"Caboose..." Grimoire frowned.

"It's... it's..." Caboose lip quivered, and a second later, he started bawling loudly, the facade broken. "It's Peaches!"

"Oh no..." Grimoire whispered. In his normal tone, he asked "What happened?"

"I... I wanted to surprise her with a fancy new diamond choker, but I got the surprise." Caboose sniffed. "I teleported inside her house, wanting to give her the choker, and I found her with some other stallion, doing it on the bed that I paid for!"

"Oh, Caboose..." Grimoire grimaced.

"The whole time we were dating, she was with somepony else!" Caboose yelled. "And you know the worst part? She was only with me for my money! She told me I wasn't 'stallion enough' for a mare like her! She was just using me all along! Treating me like a walking bank! She never loved me! Never!"

Caboose collapsed into a blubbering mess.

"I'm sorry, Caboose." Grimoire patted his brother on the back. "But you know something? If Peaches couldn't see you as anything more than a pile of Bits, then that's her loss. Buck her."

"Feels more like my loss." Caboose sniffed.

"It'll be okay, Caboose." Grimoire assured him. "You'll get over this. Trust me."

'For the next couple of days, Caboose wandered about the mansion in a trance, barely doing anything. He wouldn't talk with any of us, eat with us... he even stopped playing with Dusty. We were all worried, but none of us could get through to him. Any time we tried talking, he just walked away... it was like he was a shell of his former self...

The next after the break-up, the family were all having diner. Caboose, still moping, was poking listlessly at his food.

"Come on, 'Boose." Murray urged. "Snap out of it."

"That mare isn't worth it anyway." Salt added. "You're better off without her."

Caboose kept toying with his food, giving no sign that he'd heard them.

"Seriously bro, snap out of it." Vinny declared. "You're not the first stallion to get his heart broken."

"Yeah, so quit being a wimp, and suck it up." Slot snarled. Lars elbowed him. "What? Never heard of 'tough love'?"

Caboose suddenly got up, and left the room.

"Seriously?" Sandy glared at the brothers. "That was the best you could do?"

"Counseling isn't exactly our forte, you know." Lars pointed out.

"He'll get over it soon enough." Sonny shrugged.

Besides, maybe Caboose really does just need some space right now." Bonnie added.

"Unbelievable." Sandy shook her head. "So much for family..."

"It's not as bad as you think, Sandy." Grimoire assured her. "Take it from me, nothing keeps Caboose down for long."

"indeed." Lars agreed. "His happy-go-lucky optimism is one of his enduring, and annoying, qualities."

"He'll probably be back to his old self in about a week." Murray added. "Mark my words."

However, we were wrong... dead wrong. Everything changed for us that one fateful night...'

In the middle of the night, Grimoire was sleeping in bed next to Sandy. Suddenly, the magic mirror on the bedside table started vibrating. Roused from his slumber, Grimoire got out of bed and activated the mirror, with the face of Sergeant Anous appearing in it.

"Sergeant?" Grimoire frowned. "What is it?"

"Big trouble, Napoleon." Anous declared. "There's a real mess down here, with 'Napoleon' written all over it."

"What?" Grimm growled in agitation, as he rubbed his eyes, "Sergeant Anous, if you are going to try and accuse me or my family of something, can you do it in the morning?"

"Accuse nothing." Anous growled. "We've got that Caboose kid down here. We caught him wrecking some poor stallion's house."

"What?!" Grimoire gasped.

"Grim?" Sandy woke up. "What's going on?"

"It's Caboose." Grimoire declared. "He just ransacked some guy's house."

"No!" Sandy gaped. "Not Caboose!"

"Oh, it's definitely him." Anous said firmly. "Unless he has a twin brother you don't know about. He tore the place up in front of the stallion and his marefriend, who was apparently Caboose's ex. Then when we came and picked him, he claimed he was somepony else... 'O'Murphy', or something. Talk about implausible deniability... Now, are you going to come down here and post bail, or am I going to have to bring him the lunch menu?"

"I'm coming, hold your horseflies." Grimoire sighed.

"So am I." Sandy declared. "Caboose needs all the help he can get right now."

Stopping only to wake up Bonnie and ask her to keep an eye on Dusty, Grimoire and Sandy raced down to the police station. As they neared the cells, they saw Peaches Cream and an unknown Unicorn stallion with a beige coat, brown mane, blue eyes (behind glasses) and a Cutie Mark of an open book beside her. The stallion looked shell-shocked, but Peaches just looked annoyed.

"You." Sandy scowled. "I hope you're proud of yourself. This is what you get for leading on a stallion as sweet as Caboose."

"Sweet, my hoof!" Peaches yelled. "He wrecked Blank Novel's house!"

"I've never been so scared in my life!" Blank trembled. "I thought he was going to destroy all my possessions!"

"Oh, quit whining, Blank." Peaches growled. "You're as pathetic as he is."

"You have no right to be talking down to anypony." Sandy said coldly. "You used Caboose just for his money."

"Oh, please!" Peaches sneered. "He should count himself lucky! A mare like me wouldn't even look at a total loser like him otherwise!"

"A mare like you?" Sandy growled. "You mean a materialistic wretch who toys with innocent stallion's hearts, just for her own gain?"

"Like you can talk." Peaches shot back. "You're just some mare who married into money. How's that any different?"

"It's different because I love Grimoire!" Sandy shot back. "I love him for who he is, not how much money he has!"

"So you say." Peaches sneered. "But I think we both know the real reason you're with him..."

"Why, you-" Sandy pulled back a hoof, ready to strike Peaches, only for Grimoire to grab it. "Let me go, Grim! Somepony needs to teach that floozy a lesson!"

"I can't let you do that, Sandy." Grimoire declared. "I don't need another member of my family being locked up, let alone the mother of my child."

"But she-" Sandy struggled to free herself.

"I know." Grimoire nodded. "And as good as it may feel, beating her up won't help Caboose."

"You're right." Sandy stopped her struggles, prompting Grimoire to let go. "This hussy's not worth it anyway."

"How dare you!" Peaches yelled. "I don't have to take this from you!"

"I'll go and pay Caboose's bail." Grimoire stated, walking away.

"I'm not going to stick around here." Peaches huffed. "I'm outta this dump!"

The stallion made to follow, but was stopped by Sandy.

"Not so fast, mister." She glared.

"I'm not going to press charges, I swear!" Blank trembled. "I didn't know Peaches was seeing him! I was as shocked as he was!"

"It's not the charges I'm worried about." Sandy snarled. "It's the company you keep."

"Pardon?" Blank gulped.

"That mule-brained floozy, Peaches Cream." Sandy clarified. "I want you to break up with her, right away. Otherwise, I, being the wife of a mafia don, will use my husband's connections to make life very... unpleasant for you."

"Well, I..." Blank said hesitantly. "I know Peaches was pretty rotten to Caboose, but she's always been sweet to me-"

"But for how much longer?" Sandy asked. "How long before she pushes you aside, like she did Caboose?"

"I..." Blank frowned. "Look, I'm sorry about Caboose, but I can't just dump her. What if I can't find another mare after her?"

"Maybe I can sweeten the deal then." Sandy smiled. "How about I give you the home address to an employee of my husband? She's a very lovely and attractive Pegasus mare named Victoria White. She leads a little operation off the coast of South Zebrica, currently single, and honestly, is perfect for you."

"South Zebrica?" Blank frowned. "That's a little far for a relationship that might not happen."

"Trust me, it will be worth it." Sandy smirked. "Victoria is the sweetest mare I've ever met."

"I don't know..." Blank mused.

"She's looking for a good stallion." Sandy declared. "She's not about material things, but the soul. And from what I've seen, you could be right up her alley."

"Really?" Blank asked.

"Of course." Sandy nodded, pulling out a picture of black-coated, white-maned Pegasus mare with yellow eyes and a skull and crossbones Cutie Mark. "You're clearly a nice stallion, and Victoria would just love you. All you have to do is kick Peaches to the kerb."

"Wow, she's beautiful." Blank gazed at the picture, entranced.

"And I happen to know she has a thing for Unicorns..." Sandy smirked. "So, what do you say?"

"Um... okay, sure!" Blank nodded. "I'll get right on it!"

Sandy gave Blank the address (and the photo), and, grinning ear to ear, Blank ran out of the precinct to break up with Peaches. At the same time, Grimoire returned, a surly-looking Caboose at his side.

"What's he so happy about?" Grimoire asked.

"Oh, not much." Sandy grinned. "I just talked him into dumping Peaches, in exchange for giving him the address of that lovely black pegasus from South Zebrica."

"Wait, you mean Victoria? The head of the piracy branch of the Empire?" Grimm blanched.

"That would be her." Sandy smiled.

"You seriously just pimped out one of my members to this guy?" Grimoire asked.

"Indeed I did." Sandy smirked, "Better one of our own rather than that bimbo."

"...This is why the mafia doesn't hire many mares." Grimoire sighed. "That, and the fact that Salt can't keep it in his pants."

"Salt doesn't wear pants." Sandy pointed out.

"Exactly!" Grimoire nodded. "That boy is in for a heck of a let-down if that mare shoots him down..."

"I doubt it'll go down that way." Sandy smiled. "Victoria's always saying how she'll love having a stallion in her life, and Blank could be just what she's looking for..."

'Just in case you're wondering, Blank Novel and Victoria White eventually got married and had a filly together, but that's not important. Back to our story, and the final bombshell of the night...'

As the trio returned to the mansion, Caboose was unusually quiet, and still bore his unnatural grimace.

"Why would you do something like that, Caboose?" Grimoire asked. "It's so unlike you..."

Caboose smirked widely, but otherwise showed no sign that he's heard Grimoire.

"Caboose, are you feeling alright?" Sandy asked. "You haven't said a word."

"Oh, that'd be because I'm awestruck by your beauty, hot stuff." Caboose said, in a voice unlike his own.

"...Excuse me?" Sandy frowned, taken aback.

"Say what?" Grimoire gaped.

"Did I stutter?" Caboose smirked at Sandy. "I said you're a total babe. Mmm-mmm. Hard to believe you've actually had a kid..."

"Okay, now you're just weirding me out..." Sandy cringed.

"Oh, trust me, I've only just begun." Caboose embraced Sandy. "We're gonna get real freaky, you and I..."

"That's it!" Grimoire lashed out at Caboose, striking him hard across the face. "What in buck's name is wrong with you?!"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow..." Caboose whined, his voice returning, as he glanced tearfully at Grimoire. "What was that for?"

"What was-Caboose, you just tried to come on to my wife!" Grimiore roared.

"What?! Why would I do that?!" Caboose whimpered.

"Caboose, you were just doing it a minute ago!" Sandy frowned, "What's going on with you?"

"I... I don't know... my head feels weird... I can't think straight..." Caboose's face however suddenly contorted to a glare as he then instantly slugged Grimoire in the face, knocking him back.

"Grim!" Sandy gasped.

"What the...?" Grimoire frowned, more shocked by the blow than the force behind it.

"Hit me again, and I will rip off your jaw!" Caboose snarled in his darker voice.

"Caboose!" Sandy yelled, rushing to Grimoire's side. "What's going on?"

"I don't know... Caboose never hits back. Never..." Grimoire's eyes narrowed.

"Well, a first time for everything, I guess." Caboose chuckled cockily.

"And what's happened to your voice, Caboose?" Sandy asked.

"It's not his voice." Caboose hissed. "It's mine. You're not talking to Caboose any more. There's a new stallion on the block."

"Just who are you?" Grimiore whispered.

The stallion he thought was his brother smiled at him.

"The name's O'Malley." He announced.

'And that was when everything changed with Caboose. The split personality calling itself "O'Malley" had arrived, and nothing would ever be the same again. When that little floozy broke Caboose's heart, she not only hurt Caboose... she brought about something that would be the next obstacle that would stand in our way, but more on that later... Until then, dear reader...'

Author's Note

Blank Novel and Victoria White belong to Zacatron94 and Tsand106 of Deviantart.

A Tale Of Two Storms

'As strange as it was, having O'Malley with us, he actually managed to integrate himself with us pretty well after our initial friction. He could always be counted on to pull his own weight during our operations. In fact, we had even grown comfortable enough around him that I let Caboose escort Sandy on her trip to the market place, months later. Unfortunately, we had no idea how big an impact that trip would have...'

Sandy and Caboose were walking through the marketplace, Caboose carrying most of the shopping in his saddlebags.

"Are you sure you don't want me to carry some of those, Caboose." Sandy asked. "They're probably pretty heavy..."

"I'm good." Caboose smiled. "No problem."

"If you say so." Sandy smiled. "It was so nice of you to offer to help."

"Anytime." Caboose grinned…before shifting to O'Malley's frown. "What? I get no compliments?"

"Of course, O'Malley." Sandy smiled. "Having you around is actually quite comforting. If there's any trouble, you can take care of it."

"'Course I can." O'Malley smirked. "Nopony messes with my sister-in-law. Not unless they want a face full of hoof."

"Thanks, O'Malley." Sandy grinned.

"Don't mention it." O'Malley nodded.

As they continued down the street, Caboose caught sight of somepony, a banana yellow Earth Pony stallion with a brown mane, orange eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a pigeon.

"Hey, that's Stoolie Squealer!" He pointed.

"Who?" Sandy asked.

"He's the snitch who ratted out our lumber operations in the mountains!" O'Malley snarled, taking control. "I've been waiting for a chance to nail that scum!" He charged toward Stoolie. "You're gonna get what's comin' to ya, you piece of slime!"

Realizing he'd been spotted, Stoolie ran away as face as he could. But even weighed down by all the shopping bags, O'Malley easily caught up to him.

"Gotcha!" O'Malley tackled him.

"No! Please!" Stoolie struggled to escape. "Let me go!"

"No way." O'Malley growled. "You cross the Napoleons, you pay the price."

O'Malley struck Stoolie in the head with his hoof, knocking him out. He then lifted the unconscious stallion onto his back.

"What are you doing?" Sandy asked.

"Bringing this slime back to the mansion." O'Malley declared. "He needs to get a taste of his own medicine."

'O'Malley carried Stoolie all the way back to the mansion. At the time, myself and the others were on the other side of town, attending to some business, and Bonnie had taken Dusty to the park. We were all completely unaware of what was about to be set in motion, in a chapter I call...'

A Tale Of Two Storms

After Sandy put all the shopping items in it's proper place, O'Malley joined her in the kitchen.

"Yo, Sandy, come with me." He asked. "I've got something to show ya."

"Okay..." Sandy said, still a little wary of O'Malley.

O'Malley led Sandy to the basement, where he tied up Stoolie.

"What is this, O'Malley?" Sandy asked.

"It's simple, really." O'Malley declared. "This squealer betrayed our family, and for that, he needs to die."

"Die?" Sandy frowned.

"Die?!" Stoolie screeched.

"Yep." O'Malley nodded. "And I figured 'who better to do the honors than the wife of the don Stoolie betrayed?'"

"Me?" Sandy gaped.

"Sure, why not?" O'Malley shrugged.

"But I... I've never killed anypony before." Sandy trembled.

"Now's a perfect time to start." O'Malley declared, passing her a crossbow.

"But...." Sandy stuttered.

"You can do this." O'Malley declared. "You're Grim's wife, aren't ya? Doesn't it make you angry, knowing what this slime has done? Grim was at the lumber yard when the authorities investigated Stoolie's tip. He only just managed to get away. If he had been just a second slower, they would've nabbed him. You would've lost your husband, me and the others would've lost our brother, and Dusty would've lost her dad, all because of that rat. And I tell ya, the folks in prison would've eaten him alive. Doesn't that make you mad, thinking about what could have been?"

"I suppose." Sandy admitted, as she looked upon the sweating Stoolie with contempt.

"Then do it." O'Malley told her. "Get a little payback. Show him that you won't stand for him almost getting Grim arrested, just to save his own skin!"

"But-" Sandy gulped.

"If you don't, he's just gonna wind up snitching on us again." O'Malley pointed out. "And next time, we might not be so lucky."

Reluctantly, Sandy raised the crossbow.

"You wouldn't" Stoolie quivered, as Sandy pointed the crossbow at him. "You wouldn't..."

"Come on, do it!" O'Malley urged. "Do it!"

Sandy pointed the crossbow straight at Stoolie's heart. The weapon shook in her grip, her hooves trembling...

"I'm sorry." Sandy turned away, dropping the crossbow. "I just can't do it."

"I knew you didn't have it in ya." Stoolie mocked Sandy. "I knew-"

O'Malley grabbed his head and twisted it sharply, snapping his neck.

"Shaddup." He said spitefully, before letting out a sigh. "I was really hoping that would turn out differently..." Caboose suddenly returned. "Hey Sandy, what's going on? I-" He realised he was standing next to a dead body. "Ugh... lemme guess: O'Malley's work?"

Sandy nodded silently.

"Hey, who left this crossbow on the floor?" Caboose pondered.

Without a word, Sandy left the basement.

"Sandy?" Caboose frowned. "What's wrong?"

Sandy didn't answer him, as Caboose was left alone in the basement.

"…Dang it all, O'Malley, I thought we would let each other know if we were going to kill somebody." Caboose frowned to himself.

"Hey, I didn't exactly plan for it." O'Malley shrugged. "It was spur of the moment."

"Isn't that always the way with you?" Caboose pouted. "You have no self-control."

"What are you, our mother?" O'Malley sneered. "Quit nagging me!"

"Somepony's gotta be the grown-up here." Caboose shot back.

"And that would be you?" O'Malley snickered. "Good luck with that!"

"I may as well be your mom." Caboose retorted. "You're always making messes and leaving me to clean them up."

"Hey, now there's an idea." O'Malley grinned.

"O'Malley, don't you dare..." Caboose growled.

"Have fun cleaning." O'Malley smirked. "See ya later, 'mom'!"

"Hey!" Caboose yelled, as O'Malley vanished. "You get back here, O'Malley!" He hit himself on the head. "I know you're in there!" He hit himself again, to no avail. "Okay, fine." He pouted. "I'll dispose of the body, as per freaking usual..."

Caboose begrudgingly dragged Stoolie's body out of the basement, grumbling to himself all the while.

'It was at that point that the brothers and I returned to the mansion. We were in high spirits, due to another job well done...'

"Score another win for the Napoleons!" Slot cheered.

"Boo-ya!" Vinny whooped.

"We're looking to make a substantial profit from today's venture." Lars grinned.

"In other words, we'll have a little extra spending money." Salt declared.

"Sweet." Sonny smirked. "I've been needing some new utensils..."

"Wow, you really know how to live, Sonny." Murray joked.

Sandy walked by, her head bowed, just as Bonnie came in, Dusty at her side.

"Mommy!" Dusty raced over Sandy.

"Hi, sweetie." Sandy managed a half-smile as Dusty hugged her. "Were you a good girl for grandma?"

"Uh-huh!" Dusty nodded. "We play, mommy?"

"Sorry, honey, but I'm not in the mood to play right now." Sandy sighed.

"Aww!" Dusty pouted. "Why not?"

"It's... big pony stuff." Sandy told her. "Why don't you play with daddy, or your uncles for a while?"

"Okay." Dusty sighed.

"Sandy?" Grimoire frowned, noticing his wife's mood. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Grim." Sandy replied.

"Why not?" Grimoire asked. "You're my wife. Your problems are my problems."

"You wouldn't understand, Grim." Sandy sighed. "Any pony who's lived their entire life as a Napoleon can't understand this problem."

'As Sandy walked away, I couldn't help feeling utterly confused. Sandy had never hesitated to share a problem with me before. As curious as I was, I knew I couldn't force her to tell me. Fortunately, mom decided to step in...'

Bonnie entered the study to find Sandy sitting in a chair, looking morose.

"What's wrong, dear?" She asked.

"It's nothing." Sandy lied.

"Come on now." Bonnie tutted, seeing through the fib. "We're family. You can tell me anything."

"It's just..." Sandy made a deep sigh. "While I was out shopping with Caboose, we ran into a snitch. Caboose grabbed him and brought him back here, in the basement. He wanted me to kill him."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Bonnie frowned, "I didn't think Caboose would be the kind of…" She paused. "It was O'Malley, wasn't it?"

"Yes it was." Sandy admitted. "But I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't bring myself to take a life. So O'Malley killed him instead."

"Typical O'Malley." Bonnie sighed. "That boy can be so callous sometimes..."

"I know." Sandy nodded. "But he meant well. I know why he wanted me to do it. But I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the aftermath, either."

"I'm starting to see the problem..." Bonnie mused.

"Seeing the dead body lying there... it really drove the point home." Sandy continued. "I know Grimoire and the others have all killed before. I know they only did it because they had to, not because they wanted to. Before today, I'd never actually seen any of it, so I could just push it all to the corner of my mind. But seeing it happen right in front of me..."

"Death can be a jarring thing." Bonnie admitted, placing her hoof on Sandy's shoulder.

"I'm not sure if I'm really cut out to be part of a family of criminals." Sandy murmured. "It's not the family that's the problem, though. It's the crimes. It is one thing to know about them, but that was it. Now, seeing it first-hoof, I'm starting to realize that there will come a time when I'll be called upon to do some of these things myself, and I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"I see." Bonnie nodded.

"I just don't know if I have it in me to do anything like that. Murder, drug smuggling, robbery, torture..." Sandy sighed. "And there's a part of me that doesn't want to know."

"I can see where you're coming from." Bonnie nodded. "I let you in on a secret... I hadn't killed a pony till I was but a young mother of two."

"Wait, you hadn't?" Sandy raised a brow. "But you were Clopelli's-"

"Oh yes." Bonnie nodded. "But, as much as I hated to admit it, I wasn't really a fighter back then. While I could pull off robberies and drug runs, I could not do somepony in. My father had tried to get me into it by having me kill a pig, but even then, I couldn't do it. My hooves were still clean by the time I married Clyde."

"But you were eager to kill him..." Sandy mused, having trouble believing the old mare's story.

"There's a difference between wanting to kill and actually killing, dearie." Bonnie explained. "I feared that my family would not respect me for not being willing to do what a Mafioso must do to preserve the family honor... but then, I realized that all I needed was the right motivation."

"What do you mean, 'motivation'?" Sandy asked.

"I mean, I just needed to find somepony I hated enough to want to hurt, to maim, and to kill." Bonnie stated. "And that somepony was Ma Parker, one of the no-good crooks who tried to muscle in on our territory, years ago, when Anarchy was just starting out as a mafioso."

"Ma Parker?" Sandy frowned. "Don't think I ever heard of her."

"It's best that you didn't." Bonnie explained. "She was a real piece of work. Her and her rotten sons caused the family a bit of grief back in the days. Made Anarchy's first couple months as a Mafioso a living Tartarus, and drove Clyde up the wall with their interfering. I myself was upset, but I didn't know what to do. So I hoped that if I just sit things out, Clyde and Anarchy would take care of it..."

"I sensing a 'but'..." Sandy declared.

"But..." Bonnie said, as Sandy predicted. "One night, I was helping a few of our men in ripping off a jewellery store of a guy who had been ripping other ponies off, and while the others were in the back, I checked the front... and I saw none other than Ma, robbing the store. I was planning on leaving her be for the time being... before she started talking to herself. Or rather, throwing out insults at my family."

"What kind of insults?" Sandy asked.

"All sorts of them. 'Mule-faced cowards', 'Diamond Dog-breathed losers'... I can't even remember half of them... but then, she began saying awful things about Anarchy... how he was some kind of 'cow-brained loser' and 'a bucking joke of a mafioso', and I just... snapped." Bonnie revealed.

"You... snapped?" Sandy asked.

"Yes." Bonnie nodded. "Without even thinking, I stepped from the shadows, ran up to her and began laying the smack down on her. Naturally, she pulled a knife on me and almost slit my throat, but I was too quick for her, and in a flash, I took her knife and stabbed her in her ear... not one of my proudest moments, but I had to do it. For my family."

"Family..." Sandy mused. "That's really part of the problem. Growing up in an orphanage, you guys are really the only family I know. If only I had grown up with my own family, my real parents, maybe I could know what kind of pony I really am... whether I truly have what it takes for this..."

"Yes..." Bonnie nodded. "It's important to know where you came from..."

"But I don't." Sandy sighed. "Like I told you, I was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. Neither of my parents wanted anything to do with me. They abandoned me, and I never even knew why..."

"It'll be okay, Sandy." Bonnie smiled. "In fact, I think I know of a way to help you with your problem."

"Really?" Sandy asked. "How?"

"Oh, you'll see." Bonnie said cryptically, as she left the room.

'As it turned out, Sandy didn't have to wait too long to find out what mom meant. A week later, while I had taken Dusty to the local playgroup...'

Sandy was sitting in the garden, lounging in a deckchair, when Bonnie walked over to her.

"Sandy, would you come with me, please?" Bonnie asked. "I have something I'd like to show you."

"Sure." Sandy nodded, climbing out of the deckchair.

Sandy followed Bonnie into the mansion, following her as she walked into the east wing.

"So, what is it you to show me?" Sandy asked.

"It's a surprise." Bonnie grinned.

Bonnie finally stopped at a door which led to a sitting room. She opened it to reveal a bloody-nosed Earth Pony stallion. He had a reddish-brown coat, a black mane, eyes which looked remarkably similar to Sandy's, and a raining cloud Cutie Mark.

"Surprise!" Bonnie declared.

"Hey!" The stallion yelled at Bonnie, struggling against the ropes tying him to his chair. "Let me outta here, ya crazy old broad!"

Sandy was quick to shut the door on the struggling pony.

"What is that?!" Sandy gasped. "Who is he?! Why did you show him to me?!"

"That is your father, Rainstorm Kamek." Bonnie revealed. "I brought him here to you so you could exact your vengeance and learn to be a mafioso."

"Wha... why?!" Sandy gaped.

"Dearie, when I told you about Ma Parker, I had a theory." Bonnie explained, "What I needed to get into killing was to find that one pony that made me want to do it. So I figure that if I brought one of the two ponies that left you in the orphanage, you will be able to get some closure while letting out the rage inside. Two birds. One stone."

"That's asinine!" Sandy yelled. "How do you know if that's even my father? All I ever knew of my parents was a note my mom left me with, saying she's had me with a politician! For all we know, you just kidnapped a political figure all for nothing!"

"Your name is Sandstorm. His name is Rainstorm..." Bonnie raised her hooves up and down, with a gesture. "I kinda guessed."

"That doesn't prove anything!" Sandy yelled.

"I know." Bonnie nodded. "That's why I beat him until he admitted a mare he slept with had a kid at around the time you were born."

"Seriously?" Sandy frowned. "You could have just given him a DNA test."

"I did." Bonnie smiled. "I just beat him because he deserved it."

"Deserved it?" Sandy repeated. "You beat him to within an inch of his life just for abandoning me?"

"Not even close." Bonnie said sternly. "You wouldn't believe the vile, repulsive things this stallion has done."

"What kind of things?" Sandy asked.

"Think of every bad thing Cavallo had done... times 1000." Bonnie said grimly. "Extortion, rigging elections, accepting bribes, embezzlement, kidnapping, arranging assassinations of political rivals, drug abuse, the 'very bad' ones, mind you, illegal imports and exports, and even a few sexual assaults here and there... you name it, he's done it."

'Sandy was stunned, to say the least. She later told me what she was thinking: That this sleazeball of a stallion couldn't possibly be her father, that mom had to have made a mistake... but deep down, she knew it was the truth. She could tell just by looking at his eyes, which were her own. It was a truth she had to face.'

"What... what exactly do you expect me to do here?" Sandy asked.

"Well for starters, why don't you introduce yourself?" Bonnie asked. "I'm sure you've wanted to meet your father for some time."

"Well, yeah... but not like this!" Sandy yelled. "What do I even say to him?"

"How about starting from the top?" Bonnie pointed out. "Just go in there and tell him who you are."

"I... I can't..." Sandy gulped. "Not after all this time..."

"Surely there's something you want to ask him about?" Bonnie asked. "Anything?"

"Well, there are a few things." Sandy admitted.

"Here's your chance." Bonnie urged. "Go in there and get those answers you've been wanting all your life. And if you don't like what you hear, well... I put a crossbow on the table."

"…Are you actually expecting me to kill him?" Sandy murmured.

"I don't know." Bonnie declared. "But what I do know is that stallion in there had you put in a orphanage, left you to deal with abusive, uncaring, and slavedriving foster parents, just to cover up some scandal. I'm giving you the chance to finally put all those demons of yours to rest... and if it involves blowing his head off... so be it. Whatever happens, happens."

"And what of my mother?" Sandy asked. "She's probably at much fault as Rainstorm."

"I'm afraid I couldn't find her." Bonnie declared. "I don't know if she's dead, changed her name, or just left the country, but there's no trace of her, or anypony with the name 'Speck' anywhere."

"Oh..." Sandy frowned. "So this is all I have of my past? A sleazy politician who ditched me before I as even born?"

"I'm afraid so." Bonnie nodded. "But this is your chance to even the score. I've put a crossbow on the table, along with some torture instruments, like water and cloth for waterboarding, a cat o'nine tails, and even a water-filling glass box, courtesy of Jigsaw's apprentice Hoffman."

"I probably won't go that far." Sandy frowned.

"We'll see." Bonnie smirked. "Once you actually get to know that stallion, you just might change your mind."

Sandy turned back to the door. She took a deep breath, put her hoof on the knob, and slowly opened it.

"Hey, hey!" Rainstorm yelled, as Sandy entered the room, closing the door behind her. "You think you can just kidnap me, beat me up? You won't get away with this! Do you know who I am?"

"Yes." Sandy nodded. "But the real question is: Do you know who I am?"

"No." Rainstorm answered. "Should I?"

"My name is Sandstorm Speck." Sandy announced. "I'm... your daughter."

"What?" Rainstorm frowned. "If this is some kind of joke-"

"I wish it was, but it's not." Sandy declared. "Just look at me. I have your eyes. And I'm sure my face looks familiar, too."

Rainstorm squinted at Sandy.

"Now that I think about it, I do vaguely remember nailing some broad a while back who you look a little like..." He admitted.

"Vaguely?" Sandy growled. "You mean you don't even remember her?"

"Well, I can't be expected to remember every mare I've ever slept with, can I?" Rainstorm smirked.

"...Exactly how many mares have you slept with?" Sandy asked.

"Way more than I can count." Rainstorm smirked.

"And you're proud of that?" Sandy asked, disgusted.

"Why not?" Rainstorm grinned. "It's not my fault the ladies find me irresistible. Your mom was another notch on my bed post, I'll bet."

Sandy choked back her disgust for a moment, deciding to ask the biggest question.

"Why did you abandon me and mom?" Sandy asked.

"What?" Rainstorm asked. "Is that why that old bag brought me here? So I could answer some questions?"

"Yes." Sandy told a half-truth. "I've lived my entire life without ever knowing my parents. And now I have a chance to find out where I come from."

"You could have just come to me yourself." Rainstorm frowned. "Or at least written a letter. Anything would have been better than kidnapping me!"

"It wasn't my idea." Sandy admitted. "I was as surprised to see you here as you were to be brought here."

"Surprised, maybe, but at least you weren't beaten up along the way." Rainstorm grimaced. "Boy, that old broad hits hard..."

"Let's not get off-topic." Sandy said firmly. "Answer my question. Why did you leave my mom?"

"Because I had better things to do than waste my time with some mare I'd knocked up and her whiny brat." Rainstorm sneered. "I never wanted a freaking kid. It's your mom's fault, really. She should've used protection!"

"You didn't want me?" Sandy gaped, crestfallen. "At all?"

"Buck, no." Rainstorm snorted. "I had my career to think about. I couldn't get tied down to some mare and a kid."

"Did you... ever think about us?" Sandy asked. "At all?"

"Why would I?" Rainstorm asked. "You were both just an inconvenience. I had bigger things to focus on."

"Like your career?" Sandy asked hotly. "I hear you have quite a habit of abusing your position. I've been told about all the crimes you've committed, all the while hiding behind your position."

"What can I say?" Rainstorm shrugged, totally unrepentant. "I wouldn't be much of a politician if I weren't a little on the sleazy side."

"'Sleazy' is one thing, but you've had ponies killed, just to further your own agenda." Sandy spat.

"I had to." Rainstorm smirked. "Some of those guys were really getting on my nerves.

Sandy couldn't believe what she was hearing. The father she'd dreamt of all her life was a monster. A sleazy, mare-chasing crook. It made her sick.

"I can't believe I spent my whole life imagining the kind of pony you'd be..." She growled. "Hoping that someday, you'd come back for me..."

"Me neither." Rainstorm snorted. "Like I'd care either way about some rotten little brat... or were you actually thinking that I'd become your doting daddy, just like that?"

"Without you to support her, my mom had no choice but to leave me at an orphanage." Sandy declared, her eyes fixed on the crossbow Bonnie left. "You ruined my life before it even began... I spent years bouncing from one lousy foster home after another, never knowing what it was like to have a real family... all because of you."

"Oh, boo-hoo." Rainstorm mocked her. "That was years ago, Get over it."

"Get over it'?" Sandy repeated.

"That's what I said." Rainstorm sneered. "Look at you, whining like the little brat I never wanted. 'Waa-waa, my daddy abandoned me!' You're a grown mare, and you're still hung up on that? Pathetic. Guess I was right to ditch your mother when I had the chance. Saved me a major headache."

"Why, you..." Sandy growled, her anger rising.

"To be honest, I don't think I could handle the shame of having a daughter like you." Rainstorm smirked. "Nothing kills a political career like having a lousy family..."

"Stop it." Sandy spat.

"You probably get it from your mother." Rainstorm mused. "She was a whiny little floozy herself..."

"Quiet!" Sandy trembled with rage.

"What, you can't handle the truth?" Rainstorm snickered. "Your mom was just some two-bit call girl I had some fun with, then ditched at the earliest opportunity. You should thank me. Having a mother like that would have been a real nightmare. You were better off in the orphanage. Or better yet... aborted. That would have been the smart thing to do, but she just had to be stupid and keep you... What was the point, if she was just going to toss you away the second you popped out? Dumb mare..."

Sandy could take no more. She punched Rainstorm in the face.

"Ah!" Rainstorm yelled. "You hit me!"

"Very observant." Sandy mocked, before kicking him hard.

"Ugh!" Rainstorm grunted. "Stop it!"

"I don't think so, 'dad'." Sandy snarled. "I've got so many years of pain to pay you back for. And I'm giving it to you... with interest."

For the next ten minutes, Sandy beat and pummeled Rainstorm, taking full advantage of the self-defense lessons Salt had given her (along with a couple of low-level torture techniques she had once heard Slot brag about in vivid detail...).

"This is for abandoning my mom." Sandy whipped him on the back with the cat o' nine tails.

"Yah!" Rainstorm yelped.

"And this for all the cold, uncaring foster parents I was forced to live with." Sandy punched him in the nose.

"Ugh!" Rainstorm groaned.

"And this is for being a basic, all around slimeball." Sandy took a few steps back, then charged over and drop-kicked him.

"Gah!" Rainstorm yelped, as the chair tipped from the force. "Ohhh..."

"Don't tucker out, father dearest." Sandy pulled the chair back onto its legs. "We're just getting started."

"No, please..." Rainstorm pleaded.

Sandy ignored him, and continued the beating. By the time she was finished, Rainstorm was a bloody, broken mess.

"No more..." Rainstorm groaned, spitting out a tooth. "Please, I'm begging you. End this..."

"I'm about to." Sandy growled, grabbing the crossbow off the table.

"Whoa, whoa!" Rainstorm gasped. "Easy there!"

"I could do it, you know." Sandy noted, pointing the crossbow at him. "It would be so easy. Just a squeeze of the trigger."

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be so easy handling the aftermath." Rainstorm pointed out. "I'm an important politician. You snuff me, and you're bound to get found out."

"Oh, I don't think so." Sandy said calmly. "Did I forget to mention that I'm married to Grimoire Napoleon, don of the Bitalian mafia?"

"You... you are?" Rainstorm gulped.

"Finally taking an interest in me, are you?" Sandy sneered. "That's right. My husband is a stallion far more powerful than you will ever be. He and his brothers. You see, I finally found a family, one that cares about me. I have a wonderful husband, and a beautiful daughter. This family will always look out for me, protect me, no matter what. Don't you see, 'daddy'? I could kill you, break every bone in your body, burn you alive, make you a mare, and I would get off scot free. And with ease, I could ruin your life and reputation, all with a whisper..."

"You wouldn't dare…" Rainstorm glared, though it was a pathetic one, given his quivering and bruised stature.

"I would. It is because of you that my life had an awful beginning." Sandy declared coldly, "It is like they said: karma's a cagna."

"...L-look, maybe I was a little hasty before." Rainstorm trembled. "Maybe we could get to know each other, reconcile, have a cup of tea."

"You should have thought of that twenty years ago." Sandy whispered darkly.

"Y-you wouldn't kill your own father, would you?" Rainstorm quivered.

"You've never been a father to me." Sandy declared. "The closest I ever had to a father died for this family. You could never compare to him..."

"Please, don't..." Rainstorm started crying with fear. "I don';t want to die. I'll do anything! I'll find your mother. You'd like that, right? We could be a family. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"I already have a family." Sandy declared. "And besides, considering what you've done, I don't think I can trust you to keep your word. It's best if I make sure you don't get the chance to abandon any other other innocent mares and their foals in future..."

"No!" Rainstorm bawled. "No, no, no!"

Sandy held the crossbow in place, at point-blank range, ready to shoot him in the head… then suddenly, she shifted her aim, and the bolt tore through his left ear.

"Yaaah! Son of a mule!" Rainstorm yelled, as a spray of blood splattered Sandy's cheek, falling over in his chair. Gritting from the pain, he glanced up at Sandy. "You- you didn't kill me..."

"No, I didn't." Sandy nodded. "No matter how much pain you've caused me, I won't kill you. That would be letting you off too easy..."

Sandy marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Well?" Bonnie asked. "Did you do it?"

"No." Sandy shook her head.

"No?" Bonnie frowned. "But I don't understand... I thought..."

"It's okay, Bonnie." Sandy declared. "I know what kind of mare I am now. Whatever the future holds, I'm ready to face it. I am the wife of Grimoire Napoleon, don of the Bitalian mafia. Even if I don't have it in me to kill, I know I'm tough enough to handle this life…"

"Are you sure?" Bonnie frowned. "What will you do when you do have to kill? What then?"

"…I'll be ready." Sandy nodded, "I don't need to kill to prove anything. If I ever do have to kill, it will not be out of vengeance, or anger, but it will be to protect the ones I love. That's who I am. And nothing will ever change that. Not even the hate I feel for a father who was never there."

"And you're not worried about being part of this family anymore?" Bonnie asked.

"Not at all." Sandy smiled. "Considering what my father turned out to be, this family is nothing but an improvement. "In fact, I'm proud to be a part of it. And I'll do whatever I can to protect it, and help keep it afloat."

"That's just what I was hoping you'd say." Bonnie smiled.

"Pardon?" Sandy frowned.

"Well, dearie..." Bonnie glanced out a nearby window. "As you can see, I'm getting on in years. After over fifty years of leading this family as the matriarch, I believe the time had finally come for me to retire. With Clyde gone, and all my boys grown up, I am going to pass my title down to you."

"To me?" Sandy murmured, "But why?"

"Why not?" Bonnie smiled deeply, "You already shown to be a strong mare, and you are just as motherly as I am. Of course, after hearing your woes about killing, I had to help you overcome your worries... which you did. You are ready to take your place as the leading lady of the Napoleon Empire."

"Thank you, Bonnie." Sandy grinned. "I won't let you down."

"I know you won't." Bonnie nodded. "And I doubt you ever will."

"But..." Sandy frowned, "Before you retire, could you do me one last favor?"

"Name it." Bonnie smiled.

"I need somepony... disappeared." Sandy declared, looking back at the door. "For good."

"Say no more." Bonnie nodded, "By the time I'm done, nopony will ever hear from Rainstorm Kamek again..."

Half an hour later, Grimoire and Dusty returned home.

"There's my girl!" Sandy scooped Dusty up. "Welcome back, sweetie!"

"Hi, mommy!" Dusty giggled.

"Well, you're in a good mood." Grimoire noted. "Would I be right in thinking your little problem has been solved."

"With a little help from Bonnie, of course." Sandy pointed out her mother-in-law.

"Thanks, mom." Grimoire smiled. "You always know just what to do."

"A mother always does." Bonnie beamed.

'It would be quite a few weeks before Sandy told me just what happened that day. In the meantime, mom announced her retirement, and we threw her the mother of all parties to celebrate her years of service as matriarch to the family. The following morning, we gave her one last farewell…

Bonnie and the rest of the family were outside the mansion, ready to take her away.

"I can't believe this day has finally come." Murray sniffed.

"No doubt." Salt bit back a sob.

"You were an exemplary mother." Lars declared.

"And you were great, too." Vinny added.

"This place just won't be the same without you." Sonny declared.

"Mom..." Slot was on the verge of tears.

"Have a nice retirement, mom." Caboose smiled, before O'Malley popped up. "Don't take any guff from those other old timers, okay? Show 'em that you're still a Napoleon!"

"We're all going to miss you, mom." Grimoire declared.

"I'll miss you all too." Bonnie smiled.

"Grammy... go?" Dusty sniffed.

"Not forever, my little darling." Bonnie picked Dusty up. "I'll still come and visit. And you'll be a good girl for grammy while she's away, won't you?"

"Yeah." Dusty smiled weakly.

"That's my favorite grandfoal." Bonnie kissed her on the forehead.

"Bonnie, you were always there for me." Sandy declared. "From the very beginning, you gave me support, and friendship. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

"It was my pleasure, Sandy." Bonnie smiled. "You gave my Grim love, and a beautiful daughter. As far as I'm concerned, that makes us even."

"Good luck out there, mom." Grimoire declared.

"Don't worry about me, Grim." Bonnie grinned. "No matter what happens, we'll always be family. And I'll be back to visit very soon. Now, everypony get over here!"

Bonnie pulled them all in for one last group hug. After they separated, she walked over to the carriage, the rest of the family cheered her off.

"Bye, mom!" Caboose called. "Remember what I told about taking no guff!" O'Malley added.

"Have a fun retirement!" Murray smiled.

"See you soon!" Salt waved.

"Let me know if you need some baking done!" Sonny offered.

"And I'll always have a bottle of wine ready for you!" Vinny added.

"May the road rise to meet you!" Lars smiled.

"Love you, mom!" Slot yelled, tears streaming down his face.

"Farewell!" Grimoire smiled.

"Thanks for everything, Bonnie!" Sandy called.

"Bye, grammy!" Dusty waved.

Bonnie waved back, then got into the carriage, which was pulled out of the driveway, and beyond the gates.

'And with that, our mom moved away to live the remainder of her years in retirement. She told us that she would come back to visit us on holidays and birthdays, but we were to never know where she went. For safety precautions, she said. Either way, she deserved to live out her remaining years in peace and quiet.

With her gone, Sandy was there to succeed her. And she was ready to do it her way, with fairness and restraint. That night, Sandy told me what happened that fateful day.'

"You did all that?" Grimoire gaped, as they lay in bed that night.

"Yes." Sandy nodded. "I gave that lousy father of mine just what he deserved."

"I'm sorry I couldn't have helped you." Grimoire admitted. "You were right, I couldn't have understood that problem…"

"It's okay, Grim." Sandy smiled. "I know what kind of mare I am now. That's all that matters. And I'm going to live up to being the matriarch of this family."

"I know you will." Grimoire kissed her. "I never doubted that."

"That makes one of us." Sandy joked.

"You know I'd never ask you to kill somepony, right?" Grimoire asked. "O'Malley had no right to ask you, and neither do I."

"It's okay, Grim." Sandy smiled. "In fact, if it hadn't been for what O'Malley did, I'd never have had the chance to faced my demons."

"I'm just glad you're feeling okay again." Grimoire smiled. "Your happiness is really important to me."

"I know." Sandy nuzzled him. "But this family makes me happy, and so do you."

"And you make me happier than anything else." Grimoire embraced her.

"Oh, Grim..." Sandy sighed gleefully.

"Anyway, what did you do after you pummeled that father of yours?" Grimoire asked.

"Oh, I had your mom send him to one of your containment houses up north." Sandy smiled. "For somepony from the Caymare Island, cold is the worst."

"If it were me, I would have killed him." Grimoire admitted. "But you make your own decisions, and that's why I love you."

"I love you too." Sandy snuggled against him.

'With mom's retirement, another chapter closed for our family, with Sandy ascension marking the beginning of a new chapter. As for Rainstorm? Well, he had a long stay at our containment facility. But not a comfortable one...'

In the northern mountains, with a large bunker-like structure, Rainstorm pounded hopeless against the door of the room he was locked in. His torn ear was bandaged up, as well as most of his body.

"You can't do this to me!" He yelled. "Do you know who I am? I demand you let me out this instant!"

"Zip it, jerk." The Unicorn guard fired a magic beam through the door's window bars, hitting Rainstorm in the face. "You're lucky we haven't just tossed you down a hole somewhere."

"A hole would be better than this." Rainstorm spat. "Let me out!"

"Keep yelling, and it's no porridge tonight!" The guard snarled.

Rainstorm ceased his yelling, his growling stomach cowing his anger.

"I should never have hired that floozy in the first place..." He pouted.

'Eventually, Rainstorm would perish, after fifteen years of imprisonment. Nopony ever did thought to look for him, even after we exposed all his crimes to the public. Ponies just didn't care if he was dead or alive. The daughter he had spurned ensured that he would pay the price for his twisted deeds. That is just one reason why I tried never to get on Sandy's bad side. Ultimately, Sandy had proven to be better than her father. A kind, decent mare, and one I was proud to call my wife.'

'I can only hope Zecora, or any of my brothers' wives, will have the strength to do what Sandy did. I suppose only time will tell... So ends this chapter. Until next time, my friends.'

Ashes To Ashes, Sand To Dust

'After Sandy ascended to being the matriarch of the family, she and I seemed to have become closer than ever. For the next few years, we led a rather... amorous love life, despite my Mafioso duties. We were like Raymond Fillynandez and Martha Buck, or Mickey and Mallory Knex.'

One instance that comes to mind was back in Las Pegasus, we were dealing with a local crime ring, who were using credit card companies as a front to steal money from ponies. While I set explosives at their record buildings (fighting off their lackies), Sandy anonymously dropped off some incriminating evidence at the police station...'

Sandy caught up with Grimoire at the hotel they were staying at. Grimoire was covered in cuts and bruises.

"Are you okay?" Sandy rushed over to her husband.

"I'm fine." Grimoire smiled. "It takes more than a bunch of second-rate stooges to bring me down."

"Did you set the explosives?" Sandy asked.

Just outside the window, a building was suddenly engulfed in an explosion, collapsing into rubble.

"Does that answer your question?" Grimoire chuckled.

"Wise guy." Sandy rolled her eyes.

As more buildings exploded, Grimoire and Sandy held hooves.

"You know, there's something oddly beautiful about this..." Sandy leaned against Grimoire.

"If anypony would know beauty, it'd be you." Grimoire smiled.

"Oh, Grim..." Sandy purred, as she nibbled lightly on his ear, in a way she knew he liked.

"Ooh, Sandy..." Grimoire quivered.

"Just wait 'til I get you home." Sandy said huskily.

'Boy, what a homecoming that was. Nothing like an elaborate act of terrorism to get your motor running. Yes sir, we quite 'enthusiastic' in bed, even after years of marriage. But it wasn't all just mating, far from it. There was a hill, not far from the mansion, where we would go for picnics together...'

Sandy raced up the hill.

"Come on, Grim!" She called. "Don't be a slowpoke!"

Grimoire was far behind her, lugging a full picnic basket as he scaled the slope.

"I'm going as fast as I can..." He groaned.

Grimoire eventually made it to the top, panting and wheezing.

"There you are." Sandy kissed him on the cheek.

"Sorry for the wait." Grimoire apologised. "I've been spending a little too much time behind a desk lately."

"Well, we'll have to do something like that." Dusty grinned. "In fact, I know a few... specialist exercises that could do the trick. Of course, they work their best when you're with a partner... in bed..."

"I'd like to give those a try." Grimoire smirked.

"I'll bet you won't." Sandy grinned. "But for now, let's just relax, and enjoy each others' company... and Sonny's scrumptious food of course."

"Of course." Grimoire smiled. "But I know which one I enjoy more..."

"So do I." Sandy leaned against him.

'Even when we took Dusty to the local playground, we still found time for romance...'

Grimoire, Sandy and Dusty entered the playground. Grimoire and Sandy both held one of Dusty's hooves, and swung her gently.

"Whee!" Dusty squealed. "Come on, dad! Higher, mom!"

"Easy there, sweetheart." Sandy chuckled. "Why don't you go play on the swings while dad and I take a break?"

"Okay, sure!" Dusty raced over to the swings.

"So much energy for a filly her age..." Grimoire sighed, as he and Sandy sat on a bench.

"I was the same way when I was her age." Sandy admitted. "I ran around and played like nopony's business..."

"I was hoping she'd take after her mother." Grimoire smiled. "Especially in the looks department."

"There's a lot of you in there too." Sandy grinned. "She's so bright and sharp as a tack. She definitely didn't get that from me."

"Don't sell yourself short." Grimoire told her. "You're the smartest mare I've ever met, as well as the most beautiful. No stallion could ask for a better wife."

"Oh, Grim..." Sandy smiled, as they kissed.

"Ew!" Dusty gagged, glancing at her parents as she swung. "Gross!"

'And of course, we would have candlelit dinners together...'

One evening, in the dining room, Grimoire and Sandy were sharing a dish of Sonny's spaghetti and maizeballs together. The rest of the brothers (save for Caboose, who was watching Dusty) acted like they were the staff at the two's own personal restaurant.

"A little wine for the happy couple?" Salt offered.

"With pleasure." Grimoire nodded.

"Thanks for this, Grim." Sandy smiled. "You're so sweet."

"For you, my love, anything." Grimoire placed his hoof on hers.

While they enjoyed their dinner, Murray started playing an accordion, while Vinny started to sing:

Oh, this is the night, it's a beautiful night
And we call it bella notte
Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes
On this lovely bella notte...

"Will you knock that off?" Grimoire yelled. "It's very distracting!"

"Well excuse me for trying to set the mood..." Vinny pouted.

"Don't quit your day job, Vinny." Lars snorted.

"Like you can talk." Slot nudged Lars. "I've heard you in the shower. It's like a parrot in a wood chipper..."

"Knock it off, guys." Murray hushed them. "Don't ruin this for Grim and Sandy.

"Right." Sonny nodded. "Shush."

As the brothers fell quiet, Grimoire and Sandy continued their meal, holding hooves and gazing lovingly at each other.

"That's the way, Grim." Salt whispered.

Grimoire and Sandy both sucked on the same strand of spaghetti, which pulled them in until their lips met.

'I know, I know. The "spaghetti kiss" thing is a total cliche. But sometimes, real life can be more passe than fiction. Speaking of which, as our anniversary came up, I wanted to do something special for Sandy. So one night, while Sandy was asleep, I woke up my brothers for an urgent brainstorming session...'

Grimoire led the drowsy brothers into the study.

"This better be good, Grim." Slot grumbled. "I was having that dream about the two models and the swimming pool full of whipped cream..."

"Knock it off, Slot." Murray frowned. "I'm sure Grim wouldn't wake us up like this for any old thing."

"True." Lars nodded. "It must be important."

"It's very important." Grimoire nodded. "I need your opinions on a matter of grave importance: What should I do for Sandy for our tenth anniversary?"

"...That's it?" Slot growled. "You woke us up for that?" Salt cuffed him on the back of the head. "Ow!"

"Zip it." Salt snarled.

"I can't think of anything." Grimoire sighed. "It needs to be special, but I can't come up with anything. My mind's a blank."

"I'm not surprised." Murray smirked. "The amount of romantic gestures you've been churning out lately, it's no wonder you're running on empty."

"Hence why I asked you guys here." Grimoire nodded. "Any ideas?"

"How about getting her some fancy diamond earrings?" Vinny suggested.

"Maybe..." Grimoire mused.

"Maybe take her skiing in the mountains?" Murray offered.

"Perhaps a cruise of some sort?" Lars interjected.

"How about a romantic stay in the family lodge?" Sonny asked.

"Or a blimp ride?" Salt added.

"Take her to a rave." Slot declared. "That always works for me."

"How about a wine-tasting tour?" Vinny asked.

"No, it's not enough..." Grimoire frowned. "It's got to be something really special..."

"Why don't ya just take her upstairs and give her the ride of her life?" O'Malley said lewdly. "You know what I'm talkin' about. Hoofcuffs, paddles, the works..."

"Thank you for the suggestion, O'Malley." Grimoire grimaced in disgust. "I'll keep it in mind... way, way back in mind. Anypony else?"

"Ooh, I just had a thought!" Caboose piped up, taking over from O'Malley.

"This oughta be good..." Slot sneered.

"I heard Sandy talking about going to the Caymare Islands once." Caboose declared. "She said she'd always wanted to go. Maybe you could take her there?"

"That's it!" Grimoire smiled. "Caboose, you're a genius!"

"Thanks." Caboose smiled proudly. "What's a genius?"

"I could take Sandy to the islands as a second honeymoon!" Grimoire announced. "Well, first, actually. There wasn't exactly time for one after our wedding..."

"Sounds perfect to me." Murray nodded.

"Go for it, Grim." Vinny agreed.

"Show her the time of her life." Salt added.

"Oh, I will." Grimoire nodded. "It'll be an experience neither of us will ever forget."

'I had no idea how right I was. Prepare yourself for one of the most tragic chapters of my life, a story I sadly call...'

Chapter Ten: Ashes to Ashes, Sand to Dust

'I'd decided to surprise Sandy with the tickets to the Caymare Islands. It was a three day trip. We would have taken a boat there, and stayed at a beachside condo. We would have walked down the beach together, swam in the ocean, watch the sun set, enjoy the local cuisine, and spend plenty of time in bed (if you catch my drift). One day, I took her out on another picnic, this one at sunset...'

For once, Grimoire made it up the hill first, even with the heavy picnic basket. The tickets were hidden in his jacket pocket.

"Come on, slowpoke!" He teased Sandy. "Sunset won't wait forever!"

"I'm... coming..." Sandy said, strangely out of breath.

"...Sandy?" Grimoire took notice of how tired his wife was. He hadn't really noticed before, but she had been a little lethargic lately. He'd just assumed she had been working too hard. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." Sandy gasped as she neared the top of the hill. "I'm fiiii...."

Sandy suddenly collapsed.

"Sandy!" Grimoire rushed over to her. "Sandy, wake up!"

Grimoire nudged Sandy, but she didn't stir.

"No, please..." Grimoire lifted her up with her back. "Hang in there. You're going to be okay..."

'I rushed Sandy to the hospital as fast as I could, all the while hoping and praying that it wasn't anything serious. Alas, my prayers went unanswered...'

Sandy lay in a hospital bed, barely conscious, her heart monitor beeping with mortifying slowness, while Grimoire spoke with a doctor.

"She'll be okay, right?" Grimoire asked worriedly.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Napoleon." The doctor replied. "In fact, Sandy is as far from okay as possible."

"Meaning?" Grimoire asked.

"Your wife has a developed a rare disease known as Hideatosis." The doctor revealed. "It's a terrible affliction that starts in the bone marrow, slowly chipping away at the victim's red blood cells, putting the them in a state of tiredness and lethargy..." Grimoire froze, recognizing those symptoms. "...Then suddenly moves onto the organs. I'm sorry to have to say this, but it's... terminal."

"No..." Grimoire gasped, as he felt his heart breaking. "No, please... Surely there's something you can do?"

"Well, research is under way to produce a vaccine, but it's still years away from being perfected." The doctor declared.

"How could this have happened?" Grimoire frowned. "Sandy was the picture of health."

"These things usually tend to be congenital." The doctor admitted. "Her mother or possibly her father may have had it."

"Definitely wasn't the father..." Grimoire said darkly.

'It was at that point that I realized why mom had had so little success in tracking down Sandy's mother. She had probably succumbed to the disease herself. And history was about to repeat itself...'

"How long does she have?" Grimoire asked.

"Not very long at all." The doctor sighed. "Hideatosis can easily go undetected until it attacks the organs, at which point it's far too late. Sandy has hours at best."

"Hours?!" Grimoire gasped. "That's all?"

"I'm sorry." The doctor apologized. "All we can do is make her last moments as comfortable as possible."

'I can't accurately depict what I felt at that moment. In the space of a few hours, my perfect world had turned upside down. All of a sudden, I was going to lose Sandy forever. It was like somepony had ripped out my heart and set it alight. As bad as I felt, I knew the rest of the family would feel even worse. Poor Dusty, especially. No filly her age should go through the loss of her mother...'

Soon after, the brothers and Dusty arrived at the hospital. They stood in Sandy's room, shocked by the news.

"This can't be happening..." Murray shook his head in disbelief. "Not to Sandy..."

"It's not right!" Salt punched the wall. "No way Sandy deserves this!"

"Lousy Hideatosis." Slot spat. "Why couldn't it have been some two-bit thug who made Sandy like this? At least then, we could make him pay!"

"Those quacks obviously don't know what they're doing." Lars said derisively. "We need to get Dusty to some real doctors."

"There's no time, Lars." Vinny told him. "Besides, she's in no shape to be moved." His bottom lip started quivering. "Face it, man, it's over..."

"Sandy, we're all so sorry." Sonny sniffed. "You're one of the best things that ever happened to this family..."

"You were always so sweet, and caring." Caboose gulped back his tears. "I could always count on you to lend a sympathetic ear."

"You're one of a kind, alright. A real peach, y'know?" O'Malley added, a distinct crack in his normally deep voice.

"Thank you..." Sandy smiled weakly. "I just want you all to know what a joy it's been to be a part of this family. Murray, your courage has always impressed me. Salt, your strength is a marvel. Lars, you're such a smart stallion. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. Sonny, I know one day, your cooking will be known far and wide. Same with your wine, Vinny. Slot, you may be rough around the edges, but you have a good heart, deep down inside. And Caboose? Never change. I love you all so much..."

"We love you too, Sandy." Murray sniffed.

"You brought a little light to this family." Salt added.

"We'll never forget you." Lars sniffed.

"I'll be sure to name a recipe in your honor." Sonny pledged.

"And I'll toast your memory every year on this day." Vinny smiled.

"Aw, geez..." Slot whimpered, tears streaming down his face. "I just can't hold it in any more..."

"Sandy, I'll miss you so much..." Caboose wept. His face soon contorted to O'Malley's glare.

"Ah, don't embarrass me, ya whiny... li'l..." O'Malley's face soon crumbled as well. "Oh, who am I foolin'? I'll miss ya too, Sandy!"

"Mom..." Dusty sniffed as she approached the bed. "Don't go..."

"I'm afraid I don't have a choice, sweetheart." Sandy said solemnly.

"No!" Dusty wept, as she embraced her mother. "Please, stay!"

"There, there." Sandy stroked her sobbing daughter's mane. "It'll be alright."

"It won't! Not ever again!" Dusty screeched. "Don't leave us, please!"

"Dusty, look at me." Sandy tilted Dusty's head up, so they were looking at each other. "I need you to be strong. Not just for yourself, but for your dad. I know you'll miss me, but please don't give in to misery and despair. Be strong, like I know you are. Can you do that for me?"

"I... I guess..." Dusty dried her eyes. "I'll try, mom..."

"There's my girl." Sandy hugged her.

"Come on, Dusty." Caboose put a hoof on his niece's shoulder. "Maybe we should leave your mom and dad alone for a second."

"Okay..." Dusty said sadly.

"We'll be leaving too." Lars nodded.

Once the others had left, it was just Grimoire and Sandy.

"Grim..." Sandy sighed, her breathing becoming more labored.

"Please, Sandy..." Grimoire begged. "Don't do this. Don't leave me..."

"There's nothing any of us can do." Sandy told him. "Even Celestia herself can't do anything for me now."

"Everything was so perfect." Grimoire sniffed. "And now this happens..."

"That's life, I'm afraid." Sandy sighed. "You never know what's coming around the bend, whether it's wonderful, or terrible..."

"It's not fair." Grimoire started crying. "I don't want to lose you, not like I lost Anarchy! Not like I lost Pa! I love you, Sandy! With all my heart! I can't live without you!"

"Don't be sad that I'm leaving..." Sandy told him, as she grew weaker. "Be grateful for the time we spent together. That's what really matters..."

"Sandy, please..." Grimoire embraced her. "Just hold on. This can't be how it ends! We supposed to grow old together! We were going to spend our twilight years in a nice retirement home, lying on one of those hanging benches together, just happy to be with each other!"

"I wanted that too..." Sandy smiled. "But you don't always get what you want."

"Well, we should!" Grimoire yelled. "There was still so much I wanted to do with you."

"Me too." Sandy sighed. "But I'm just glad I met you. Being your wife was the most wonderful time of my life, even if it didn't last as long as it should have. You gave me, love, excitement, fun, and a daughter..."

"You gave me the same things." Grimoire nodded sombrely. "And so much more. You changed my life for the better. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet."

"Neither am I..." Sandy admitted, a tear rolling down her cheek. "But I have no choice.... I'll never forget the time we spent together, Grim. I'll always love you..."

"Sandy, please..." Grimoire begged, holding her more tightly in the vain hope that it would keep her with him.

"Addio amore mio..." Sandy whispered weakly. Her eyes drooped shut, and she slumped against Grimoire's chest, as the heart monitor let out a long ominous beeping noise, echoing throughout the room.

"No, no, no..." Grimoire shook his head, the tears flowing more freely from his eyes, as he cradled her lifeless body. "Sandy, oh Faust, no... please, no..." His voice soon devolved into unintelligible sobs, as he let out a scream of sorrow. "SANDY!"

'With that... I had just lost the love of my life... Buck all those cruddy romance movies where the guy or girl dies in the end, the feelings they had in the movies pale in comparison to what I felt in that moment when I held her cold body in my hooves. The agony, the sorrow... even after all these years, those feelings are still so fresh in my mind. Truthfully, I don't remember much of the funeral. Most of the days following Sandy's death flashed past in a haze of misery and pain. But there was one moment that stands out in my memory...'

The funeral was a somber affair. The guest were all friends and family of the Napoleons. The brothers sat in the front row, their expressions filled with sorrow. Dusty lay on Caboose's lap. She was trying to be strong, just as she had promised her mother, but it was hard, especially with the coffin so nearby. Even Bonnie was in attendance.

"You have my condolences." Cavallo said solemnly.

"Thanks, your worship." Murray sighed.

"Sandy was one of a kind." Tiberius the Griffon declared. "She will be missed."

"I know." Salt nodded.

"May her trip to the next life be a smooth and safe journey." Wizel declared.

"I don't really believe in an afterlife." Lars admitted. "But I hope Sandy is a better place now. She deserves it."

"There was never a mare as sweet and kind." Shady stated. "We are all richer for having known her, and poorer for having lost her."

"So true." Sonny sniffed.

"She was the last pony who deserved to die young." Vinny said quietly.

"Yeah." Slot added. "Why couldn't it have been that rotten nag I used to date? Nopony would have missed her!"

"Poor Grim." Bonnie sighed. "As hard as it was for me to lose Clyde, at least we had all those years together. Grim and Sandy had barely any in comparison."

"You okay, kiddo?" Caboose asked Dusty, who hadn't made a sound all day.

"No." Dusty sniffed.

"We know how you're feeling, kid." O'Malley declared. "Your mom was the best. We're all missin' her..."

Grimiore, sitting the closest to the coffin, stared off into space, having barely saying anything all throughout the proceedings.

"We will now hear a few words from Sandy's husband." The priest overseeing the funeral declared. "Mr. Napoleon, if you would..."

Grimoire stood up, and walked over to the coffin.

"My wife..." He started. "My wife, Sandy..." He faltered. Clearing his throat, he tried to start again. "S-she was a w-wonderful mare..."

"Come on, Grim." Murray whispered. "Keep it together."

"A l-loving wife, a caring mother, a-" Grimm paused, as he realized tears were dripping down his face. With that realization, he lost any remaining will to carry on. "...I'm sorry... I... I can't do this..."

Without another word, Grimm ran out of the room, not bothering to face the confused crowd.

"Dad..." Dusty sighed.

"Oh, Grim..." Murray bowed his head.

"My poor boy..." Bonnie sighed.

"Well, um..." The priest said awkwardly. "Perhaps we should move on to the lowering of the coffin...."

'I had never felt more ashamed of myself. My wife deserved the greatest eulogy in the world, and what she got was a blubbering mess. That shame mixed with my grief, dragging me deeper into despair. As soon as we got home, I fell into a pit of depression. I wandered around the house, refusing to speak with anypony, even Dusty. I stayed like that for a month, wallowing in my grief. Meanwhile, the members of our group were starting to get concerned...'

In one of the Napoleons' secret meeting places, the brothers (save for Caboose) were trying to placate some of their more proactive members.

"Look, it's been a month, now." Gregory Contrail the Griffin frowned. "Grimoire hasn't done anything since the funeral. The guys back in Hollow Shades are getting worried that nothing is being done here."

"Well, what do you expect, Contrail?" Salt said angrily. "The guy lost his wife. Show a little compassion, will ya?"

"Hey, we have nothing but the utmost empathy for Mr. Napoleon. " Big Guns the Buffalo assured him. "But we've all lost loved ones at some point, and we're still going."

"But Grimoire doesn't seem to be going anywhere." Carapace the Changeling added. "His prolonged absence is putting a serious dent in our operations. We got stockpiles of uncut black rubies, just sitting there, and our queen is getting suspicious. Wizel can't cover for us forever."

"Look, Grimoire just needs a little more time to get it together." Murray assured them. "Then he'll be back in charge."

"I understand what Grimm is going through must be hard for him." Gregory sighed. "I mean, if I lost Gilda, I would be heart-broken. But we can only wait so long. If he's not back soon, somepony is going to have to step up and take charge around here!"

"That won't be necessary." Lars replied.

"Let's hope so." Carapace stated. "'Cause I don't want to go back to being the Changeling who clears out the larva's combs."

"Well, my old job wasn't exactly better." Big Guns snorted. "I used to work in a circus, cleaning out the cragadile cages..."

"I was just some stockboy at a supermarket." Gregory admitted. "Not as bad as your jobs, but I'd still prefer not to go back."

Sonny turned to his brothers with a frown.

"What if Grim doesn't get it together?" Sonny asked. "What then?"

"Then Murray should take over." Vinny shrugged. "He is next in line, remember?"

"Then we'll really be bucked." Slot snarked.

"Let's not jump to conclusions just yet." Murray declared. "We all know Grim. He'll bounce back sooner or later."

"I hope you're right." Salt declared. "If not, this mob's going down in flames."

"Don't say that." Lars declared. "We'll work something out. We always do."

"Don't you mean Grim always does?" Vinny asked. "Without him, we may as well throw in the towel."

"Not a chance" Slot asked. "We'll keep going, with or without Grim."

"Still, it wouldn't hurt to have some options at the ready." Sony frowned. "I wonder if any of the local restaurants need a chef?"

"Way to stay positive, Sonny." Murray frowned.

Back at the mansion, Caboose was walking down a corridor when he heard crying coming from Dusty's room. He went to investigate, and, sure enough, found Dusty sitting on her bed, weeping.

"Hey there, my favorite niece." He smiled warmly. "What's with the rainy face?"

"It's dad." Dusty sniffed. "I tried talking to him in his study. I knocked on the door and everything, but he didn't even answer. It's like... he hates me now!"

"He doesn't hate you." Caboose soothed her. "He just has a lot on his mind right now. Poor guy's still grieving."

"Well so am I." Dusty pouted. "But you don't see me ignoring everypony!"

"True." Caboose admitted.

"I already lost mom, and now dad doesn't love me anymore..." Dusty wept.

"Of course he loves you." Caboose assured her.

"I don't really see that right now." Dusty wiped her eyes.

"Dusty..." Caboose sighed.

"Just... go away, uncle Caboose." Dusty turned away from him. "I need to be alone. So alone..."

"Okay." Caboose grudgingly made his way out. "Let me know if you change your mind..."

Out in the hallway, Caboose started to worry.

"Oh, this is bad." He muttered. "This whole family's coming apart."

"Well, what are you standing around for?" O'Malley declared. "Why don't you do something about it?"

"Like what?" Caboose asked.

"Like giving Grim a piece of your mind for starters." O'Malley stated.

"I can't do that!" Caboose gasped.

"Why not?" O'Malley growled. "Look what Grim's doin' to his own daughter. Somepony's gotta give him a talkin' to, and you're the guy to do it."

"What about the others?" Caboose asked.

"Your brothers?" O'Malley snorted. "Those losers can't do anything without Grim leading them. You're the only who's got a little initiative."

"Well, maybe I could give it a shot..." Caboose admitted. "A little friendly advice, that's all..."

"Now you're talking." O'Malley nodded.

Caboose made his way to Grimoire's study.

"Grimm? Are you in there?" Caboose murmured, as he knocked. There was no answer, "Grim? Do you want to-"

"If you end that sentence with 'build a snowpony', I'm going to kick ourselves in the nuts!" O'Malley snarled. "Aside, the bucking door is open!" He emphasized the point by pushing said door open.

"Ah-heh." Caboose awkwardly.

As Caboose walked into the room, he was shocked to find the study in a slight mess. Not messy as a hoarder's home, but simply untidy. There were books, cushions, and empty bottles scattered all over the place. A old showtune was playing on a nearby record player, as none other than Grimoire, who was a complete mess himself. His mane and goatee was ragged, having not shaved in a while, his suit jacket was off, and his undershirt was a ruffled, stained mess, and his eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn't been sleeping in a long time. A pungent odor hung around him like a cloud of misery. To make matters worse, he was absolutely drunk, a bottle of Vinny's super potent wine in his hooves.

'Not a pretty sight, is it? I'll admit, this was one of my lowest ebbs. I had fallen into a dep, dark pit of despair, and I had no intention of climbing back out. Fortunately, Caboose had other ideas...'

"…Grim?" Caboose murmured.

"Heh?" Grimiore barely perked up, his voice slurring. "Whaddaya want? I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed!"

"Oh boy..." Caboose gasped.

"It's even worse than I thought it'd be." O'Malley gaped.

"No offense Grim, but you stink." Caboose gagged. "When was the last time you showered?"

"When Sandy was still alive." Grimoire groaned. "Back when everything was beautiful and wonderful... before the fates took her from me."

"Gettin' poetic, huh?" O'Malley frowned. "Not a good sign..."

"Well, I'm waitin'." Grimoire frowned, his temper flaring quicker than it usually did, as he took a chug from the bottle of wine. "What is it?"

"Well, uh... it's about... all this." Caboose said awkwardly.

"Huh?" Grimoire frowned harder.

"He means your pathetic little pity party." O'Malley said nastily.

"O'Malley!" Caboose yelped.

"I don't care if it's mean!" O'Malley snorted. "He needs to hear it!"

"...You're right." Caboose agreed. "Grim, you've gotta pull yourself together. Everypony is worried sick about you. Our men is constantly asking when you will be coming back. There is only so much that we seven can do without you, Grim. We need you, bro."

"Why bother?" Grimoire hiccupped, slamming his bottle on his desk. "Every time I find myself to be happy, I end up losing a pony I cared deeply about. I lost the pony I looked up to most-"

"Who?" Caboose frowned.

"We lose our father, and now, life has taken away Sandy from me." Grimoire continued. "No matter what I did, life continues to punish me. I just can't take it anymore."

"Wuss." O'Malley snorted. "You're supposed to be the don, but right now, you're acting like a dud."

"Seriously?" Caboose groaned. "We're supposed to be talking Grim to his senses!"

"It doesn't matter what either of you say." Grimoire declared. "...I'm done. Done watching as my loved one are taken from me. Done running this criminal empire. I just... don't have it in me anymore. Murray can take command. And you can all just leave me alone."

"All of us?" Caboose frowned. "Even Dusty? She told me how you just ignored her earlier. That poor foal thinks you don't love her anymore."

"Way to go, father of the year." O'Malley added.

"It's not right for a father to push his daughter away like that." Caboose said firmly. "There's no excuse for your actions, Grim. I don't care if you're still grieving, you have a fatherly duty to attend to."

"Alright, fine." Grimoire growled, as he got up from his chair, a bit wobbly. "I'll go and talk to her, as long as you get off my back."

"Not a chance." Caboose shook his head, stepping in front of him. "I don't want Dusty to see you like this, all drunk off your hooves."

"Will you make up your mind?" Grimoire yelled. "First you want me to see her, then you don't want me to see her!"

"I want her to see you at your best." Caboose declared. "Not the wreck you've become."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be a wreck if it weren't for you!" Grimoire roared.

"Come again?" Caboose frowned. "I don't follow..."

"You don't follow?" Grimoire repeated, his face contorting in rage. "You don't follow?!" In an instant, he smashed the bottle against the wall. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" He roared, jabbing his hoof at him. "You were the one who set me up with Sandy in the first place! You made me fall in love, just so I could have my heart torn asunder when she was taken away from me! I am in so much pain because of you!"

"Well, he's got a point there." O'Malley conceded.

"Not helping." Caboose growled.

"Maybe I should give you a taste of the pain I'm feeling." Grimoire roared. He made to punch Caboose, but missed, too drunk and despondent to aim."

"Easy, Grim." Caboose told him. "You don't want to hurt yourself."

"Like you care." Grimoire spat. "I spent my whole life looking out for you, and how do you repay me? By setting me up for the biggest heartbreak of my life!"

"You're right, Grim." Caboose frowned. "It is because of me that you're in so much pain right now. But it's also because of me that you were able to feel so much happiness from being with Sandy. Because of me, you experienced love, companionship, and fatherhood." Caboose felt a bit of tears coming to his eyes. "I know better than anypony how much you loved Sandy... but how you think she would feel if you just turned your back on Dusty because of her?"

"Sandy doesn't feel anything anymore." Grimoire snorted. "She's dead, remember?"

"That doesn't matter!" Caboose snarled. "It's one thing to give up on your brothers and everything our family worked for, but to give up on your own daughter?! That's not the Grimoire Napoleon I know! The Grimoire I know values family above all else. He always puts family first, no matter what! And he never gives in to self-centred pity! Dammit, Grim, Dusty's already lost her mother, don't let her lose her father too!"

Grimm stood there as Caboose's words sunk into his drunk-addled mind. Slowly, he processed it; How he had pushed away those he cared about, shirked his duties, and worst of all ignored his daughter. He realised that if Sandy were still alive, she'd be ashamed of him. The poor stallion broke down, bawling loudly as he collapsed against Caboose.

"There, there." Caboose patted him on the back. "Let it all out..."

"You're right, Caboose!" Grimoire wept. "I've been so wrapped up in my own misery, I've neglected the one piece of Sandy I have left! Oh, Dusty! What had I done?!" He started sobbing loudly. "I've been such a fool!"

"It's not too late, Grim." Caboose smiled. "Let me help you sober up. Then you can patch things up with Dusty."

"Okay." Grimoire sniffed. "Thanks, Caboose. I needed this..."

"What are you thanking him for?" O'Malley snorted. "It was my idea!"

'After forcing myself to eat a lot of raw coffee, and take several cold showers, I cleaned myself up a little and went to Dusty's room, hoping to make things right'

"Knock, knock." Grimoire said gently as he entered the room. He had changed into a clean suit, and his mane and goatee had been combed.

"Oh, it's you..." Dusty frowned.

"Look sweetheart, I'm sorry about earlier." Grimoire declared. "Daddy wasn't in his right mind."

"You ignored me." Dusty sniffed. "You've never done that before."

"I know, baby." Grimoire sighed, as he joined her on the bed. "It's just... losing your mother really hit me hard. I know it's not an excuse for what I did or been doing. I just miss her so much..."

"I miss her too." Dusty sniffed. "I miss the way she laughs, her smile, her hugs..."

"I never even thought about that." Grimoire confessed. "I was so wrapped up in my own pain, I never considered that you'd miss her as much as I do."

"Well, I do." Dusty declared. "...I miss her a bunch."

"I know." Grimoire nodded. "But you know what? She wouldn't want us to wallow in despair. She'd want us to cherish the time we had with her, and remember all the good times. Like you said, she gave great hugs."

"...Yeah, she did." Dusty smiled weakly. "Really great hugs."

"What about me?" Grimoire suddenly hugged her. "Am I in the same ballpark?"

"Almost." Dusty giggled. "You could use some practice."

"And practice, I shall." Grimoire declared, finally cracking a smile. "Your mother may be gone, but I still have you. And I promise, I will never ignore you again. I'll always be there for you, no matter what."

"Thanks, daddy." Dusty hugged him back.

"We're going to be okay, honey." Grimoire smiled. "I swear."

"Really?" Dusty said hopefully. "Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart." Grimoire nodded.

"Okay." Dusty hugged him. "I love you, daddy."

"And I love you, my darling girl." Grimoire hugged her back. "And I always will."

'That night, I spoke with my brothers (who were delighted that I had finally snapped out of my funk)...'

"Good to have you back, Grim." Murray smiled.

"It's good to be back." Grimoire nodded. "Sorry for worrying you."

"Hey, it's all good." Vinny grinned. "I knew you'd get it together sooner or later."

"With a little help from Caboose." Grimoire declared.

"And O'Malley!" O'Malley yelled. "What am I, invisible?"

"At least now we can go back to business as normal." Lars announced.

"I'm afraid things will never be 'normal' again." Grimoire frowned. "I'm a widowed father now. I'm going to have to focus on raising Dusty more than ever."

"Or maybe not." Sonny smiled. "Maybe we can help you with that."

"We can?" Slot frowned.

"We can." Salt nodded. "Dusty's our niece, and no offense to Grim, but he's going to need all the help he can get."

"Hay yeah!" Caboose beamed. "We can all pitch in and raise Dusty together!"

"You'd be willing to do that?" Grimoire asked. "All of you?"

"For sure." Murray nodded. "We're still family, aren't we?"

"We may not have the mare's touch, but I believe that together, we can pull it off." Lars said confidently.

"I'm in." Vinny smiled.

"May as well." Slot sighed.

"Then it's settled." Sonny smiled. "We're all in this together!"

"Thanks, guys." Grimoire beamed. "I don't know what to say..."

"There's nothing to say." Murray chuckled.

"We're family." Caboose smiled. "And this is what family's do."

"It's so simple, even Caboose knows it." O'Malley joked.

"You guys are the best." Grimoire smiled. "Together, we'll make sure Dusty grows up right. Because we're the Napoleons, and when we put our heads together, we can do anything!"

The brothers cheered.

'It was a hard time in my life, but thanks to my family, I pulled myself out of my misery. Before long, I finally learned to feel happy again, though the memory of Sandy still held fast in my mind. Even years later, when I fell for Zecora, Sandy was still on my mind. But in the end, I managed to let go, knowing that Sandy would want me to move on. Eventually, I took Zecora as my second wife, and our honeymoon involved a trip to the Caymare Islands, as I had planned to do with Sandy, all those years ago...'

Grimoire and Zecora stood on the shore of a Caymare Island beach together, watching the sunset.

"What a wondrous sight." Zecora smiled. "It will be a beautiful night."

"It sure will." Grimoire smiled. "Even moreso, since I get to share it with you."

"Grim, you will make me swoon, before the rising of the moon." Zecora nuzzled him.

"You know, I had planned to bring Sandy here, years ago." Grimoire admitted. "Before she..."

"Of this, I understand." Zecora nodded. "It must be hard to be on this land."

"A little." Grimoire nodded. "But I'm with you now. Sandy was a wonderful wife, but she'd be happy that I moved on. All the same, I'd like to do a little something for her, if it's alright with you."

"It is fine with me, for you to honor your old love's memory." Zecora declared.

"Thanks, 'Cora." Grimoire smiled.

Grimoire and Zecora went to the rear of the condo they were staying in. Grimoire found the largest palm tree, and walked over to it. Using his knife, he carved a likeness of Sandy into the tree, with the words "Sandstorm Speck Napoleon, a loving wife and mother" beneath it.

"There." He smiled. "You finally made it, Sandy."

"Your love for Sandy is still true." Zecora observed. "But I know that you feel the same for me too." She cocked her head slightly. "...Right?"

"Without a doubt." Grimoire nodded. "As much as I loved Sandy, everything between her and I are now in the past. You, my darling, are my future, and I intend to enjoy every minute of it."

"Speaking of enjoying what is ahead..." Zecora grinned saucily. "Shouldn't we be getting to bed?"

"Yes, we should." Grimoire smirked, as he and Zecora headed back to the condo. "I've got a few moves I've been saving for a special occasion."

"And I look forward to seeing them all." Zecora giggled. "This night, we shall have a ball."

The two newlyweds climbed into bed together, ready for a night to remember...

'I think I'll leave things here. As painful as it was losing Sandy, opening my heart to another mare is something I've never regretted. Take note, dear readers, for it is the time you spend with somepony that matters, no matter how short. Enjoy what you have, while you have it, and carry those memories with you. That way, there will never be any regrets. For somepony is never truly gone, as long as you keep them in your heart and soul.'

Raising Dusty

'After Sandy passed, I was faced with the prospect of being a single father. Thankfully, I had all my brothers raring to help out. Unfortunately, their idea of "help" was sometimes anything but. But they all meant well, and somehow, we muddled through together. What follows is the story of Dusty's path to marehood, aided and abetted by her father and uncles, which I call...'

Chapter Eleven: Raising Dusty

'Of course, it's never easy, running a business out of your home. But throw in a curious ten-year-old, and it suddenly becomes a lot harder. We were keen to keep the... less pleasant aspects of our business from Dusty until we felt she was old enough to handle it. But there were a few close calls...'

One day, in the basement of the Napoleon manor, Grimoire and his brothers were working over one of the Saddelini's boys, a smart-mouthed teal-coated, blue-maned Pegasus with brown eyes and a feather Cutie Mark by the name of Feather Frenzy. Feather Frenzy had beaten on by them for the past half hour, and was covered with blood and bruises.

"Last chance, Frenzy." Grimoire declared. "Tell us when the Saddelinis are going to be moving that shipment of counterfeit Bits, or else."

"Never." Feather Frenzy spat out some blood.

"Still not talking, huh?" Murray scowled. "From what we've heard, you normally can't stop."

"What can I say?" Feather Frenzy sneered. "I'm just not in a talkative mood right now."

"We'll see about that." Salt growled.

"Perhaps the esteemed Mr. Frenzy could use some... incentive." Lars suggested.

"Come on, can't you just tell us?" Caboose begged their captive. "We'll be your friends!" O'Malley jumped in. "You make me sick sometimes, you know that?" He punched Feather Frenzy in the face. "Now that's incentive!"

"Whattaya say, Frenzy?" Sonny smirked. "Ready to talk yet?"

"Never." Feather Frenzy snarled. "Do your worst."

"If you insist." Slot sneered. "Hey Grim, you see the pliers anywhere? If this clown's so keen on not talking, maybe we should yank some of his teeth, make it easier for him."

"Great idea, Slot." Grimoire grinned. "They're over there, by the lawnmower."

Feather Frenzy tensed up with terror.

"Here we go." Slot snapped the pliers open and shut. "Open wide, Frenzy. Dr. Slot's gonna have to make an extraction.."

"No, please!" Feather Frenzy quivered. "Don't! Noooo!"

Suddenly, the door to the basement was opened.

"Dad?" Dusty called. "You down here?"

"It's Dusty!" Sonny yelped.

"Hel-" Feather Frenzy's plea was cut off by Murray gagging him with an old cloth.

"Hi, honey." Grimoire smiled widely as Dusty came down the stairs.

"What are you guys doing down here?" Dusty asked.

"...Playing house." Slot shrugged, hiding the pliers behind his back.

"That stallion's tied up." Dusty pointed out.

"Roamin' Polanski's house." Lars added.

"Okay..." Dusty frowned. "Anyway, have you seen my paddleball? I can't find it anywhere."

"Oh, I, uh... picked it up off the floor." Grimoire declared. "It's in the study."

"Thanks, dad." Dusty smiled, going back up the stairs. "Have fun!"

"Oh, we will..." Grimoire smirked, as the brother turned back to the hapless Frenzy.

A short while later, Dusty walked by the basement door, playing with the recovered paddleball, when Frenzy's screams filled the air.

"AAAAAHHH!!"

Dusty froze in place.

"...Wow." She said. "That's a really believable scream. Whoever that guy is, he really knows how to play his part."

'Dusty wasn't a very sociable filly. She was shy and reserved around ponies not of our family, so it was hard for her to make friends. Not wanting her to feel alone, I enlisted some of my top agents to help...'

In Dusty's room, she was having a tea party, with Big Guns, Carapace and Gregory in attendance.

"I hope you're all enjoying your tea?" Dusty smiled.

"Yes." Big Guns nodded. "Very nice."

"Terrific." Carapace added.

"Lovely." Gregory smiled fakely.

"Great." Dusty beamed. "Oh, let me just get the coasters..."

"I can't believe we're doing this." Carapace muttered. "Stuck being the guests at a little filly's tea party..."

"This. Is. Humiliating." Gregory said through a gritted beak.

"Come on, Greg." Big Guns whispered. "The bosses wanted us to keep Dusty company. They said they would give us a pay raise."

"I don't care." Gregory grumbled. "I single-talonedly took down the Crooked Beak gang. I am not supposed to be playing tea party with a little filly."

"More tea, Mr. Gregory?" Dusty offered.

"Yes please." Gregory smiled awkwardly.

"Here you go." Dusty mimed pouring more tea. Gregory grudgingly "drank" it.

"Isn't this fun?" Dusty asked.

"Oodles." Carapace sighed.

"I can't remember the last time I had this much fun." Big Guns lied.

"Me neither." Gregory added.

"That's great." Dusty smiled. "Because I was hoping we could do this again! Let's say, every Saturday?"

The agents looked at each other, mortified.

'As much as we tried to keep our work separate from Dusty, sometimes, it slipped through...'

One afternoon Dusty walks into the dining room, finding it all messy and stained with a thick red substance.

"Who spilled all this ketchup on the floor?" Dusty tutted.

'It, er... wasn't ketchup. We had actually murdered the Clopone family, whom we'd discovered had running a slave trade ring, right there in the dining room that morning.'

"Such a mess." Dusty shook her head. "And that smell. Funny, it smells more like copper than tomatoes. Either way, I'm not going to stand for this. Where's that mop?"

Half an hour later, the brothers returned, having gone out for a celebratory lunch.

"Boy, what a mess that was." Murray sighed.

"Perhaps we shouldn't have gone for the 'slasher method'." Lars mused. "It left such a frightful mess in the dining room."

"It'll probably take forever to clean... up?" Sonny stopped midsentence.

The brothers froze as they entered the dining room, where Dusty was cleaning up the last of the blood.

"Hi, everyone." Dusty smiled.

"What... what happened here?" Grimoire gaped.

"Oh, I just cleaned up all the ketchup." Dusty shrugged.

"Ketchup?" Caboose frowned, before O'Malley stepped in. "What ya talkin' about, it was-"

"Yes, ketchup." Salt covered up Caboose's mouth. "It was ketchup. Lots and lots of ketchup."

"And you cleaned it up all by yourself?" Sonny gasped.

"Sure." Dusty nodded. "It was easy."

"Look at that Shine." Murray noted. "You've got a gift, kiddo."

"Yeah, I guess I do." Dusty admitted.

Suddenly, Dusty's flank lit up. A dustfeather Cutie Mark appeared.

"Is that-" Dusty whispered.

"It is." Slot nodded. "You got your Cutie Mark, squirt!"

"I did!" Dusty cheered. "I really did!"

"That's my girl!" Grimoire picked up Dusty and swung her around. "This calls for a celebration!"

"How about we go out for dinner tonight?" Caboose suggested.

"Fine with me." Dusty smiled. "So long as there's no ketchup. I've seen enough of that for one day."

"Haven't we all?" Lars snarked.

'That was a proud day for all of ours. Our Dusty was growing up, and we were more determined than ever to look out for her every step of the way. We all pitched in to raise Dusty, my brothers providing their own unique slant on the rearing of a young filly. Slot's slant was, to be blunt, decidedly crooked...'

Dusty was sleeping peacefully in her bed, when Slot slowly slid out from under it.

"Hey, Dusty, you asleep yet?" He asked, waking Dusty up.

"Um, no?" Dusty gulped, a tad unnerved.

"Just checking." Slot lit a cigar as he slid back under the bed.

'To this day, I have no idea what he was thinking. And we used to think Caboose was the strange one. Thankfully, the others were a little more pleasant in their efforts. Sonny took it upon himself to teach Dusty to bake...'

Sonny and the twelve-year-old Dusty stood by the oven, waiting for the muffins Dusty had made to be done.

"Oh, I can't wait!" Dusty squealed.

"Me neither, kiddo." Sonny smiled.

Moments later, Sonny pulled the baking tray out of the oven.

"Here we are." He smiled. "All ready for-" He stopped as he realized that Dusty's muffins were a misshapen mess. "Well, that's, er... different."

"They're not very good, are they?" Dusty's face fell.

"Of course they're good." Sonny fibbed, seeking to protect his niece's self-esteem. "Especially for a first try."

"Then prove it." Dusty challenged him. "Eat one."

"With... pleasure." Sonny gulped. Hesitantly, he picked up one of the muffins, and took a bite. The muffin was hard and tasteless, crunching as he bit into it. Holding back a grimace, Sonny chewed tit up, then swallowed it. "Mmm... yummy..."

"Really?" Dusty smiled. "You like it?"

"It's... delicious." Sonny smiled awkwardly.

"Yay!" Dusty suddenly grabbed the tray. "I'll go give them to dad and the others!"

"What?!" Sonny gasped, as Dusty ran out of the room. "...Wow, that backfired horribly."

'As you can imagine, none of us wanted to upset Dusty either, so we all ate the muffins, and all suffered bad stomach aches later on (which we claimed were due to a bad batch of cannolis). But at least Dusty had fun with Sonny. Lars' idea of an entertaining past-time involved teaching her to do taxes...'

Dusty, thirteen at the time, was in Lars' room, struggling to stave off boredom, as Lars lectured her on the ways of monetary management.

"...And now, let's move on to the difference between gross and net income." Lars smiled, totally ignorant of Dusty's stupor. "Gross income is the intermediate earnings figure before all expenses are included, and net income is the final amount of profit or loss after all expenses are included. Now, moving on to tax-deductible expenses..."

Lars was interrupted by the sound of Dusty snoring.

"Dusty!" Lars yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Wha?" Dusty woke up. "Sorry, uncle Lars. I know you're trying to help, but this is just so... boring."

"Boring?!" Lars gasped, genuinely shocked. "How can the ways of tax management possibly be boring?"

"You really don't know?" Dusty frowned. "Honestly, it's more exciting watching paint dry. No offense."

'Lars was quite perturbed by Dusty's revelation. It actually took him a couple of days to recover. As for Salt, he took Dusty under his wing, and taught her self-defense.'

In the gym, Salt and the fourteen-year-old Dusty stood on a mat, wearing karate outfits.

"Okay, we'll start with the basics." Salt declared. "Just a few handy tricks for dealing with most attackers."

"I don't know, uncle Salt." Dusty said nervously. "I'm not really big on violence..."

"This isn't about violence." Salt corrected her. "It's about protecting yourself from the lowlifes out there. Now, I'm going to come at you, and you're gonna grab my hoof and kick me in the gut, got it?"

"Yeah..." Dusty cringed.

Salt made his move, reaching for Dusty. She grabbed his hoof, as instructed, but when it came to the kick, she barely tapped him.

"Come on, you can do better than that." Salt shook his head.

"I don't want to hurt you, uncle Salt..." Sandy quivered.

"Relax, kid." Salt smiled. "I've taken worse in my time. Now, let's try it again."

They repeated the move, with Dusty grabbing Slot's hoof. She made to kick his stomach, but missed, striking his groin instead.

"Oooh!" Salt groaned, as he collapsed to the floor.

"Sorry!" Dusty cringed. "I... I didn't..."

"No problem." Salt squeaked. "In fact, that was pretty good. Remember that move. It could come in useful."

"Thanks for the lesson, uncle Salt." Dusty smiled.

"Anytime, kiddo." Salt winced, still clutching his crotch.

'Salt had to sit on an icepack for the rest of the day. Dusty didn't look it, but she had the mulekick of a mule. Despite his agony, Salt told me he had never prouder of his niece. Speaking of pride, Vinny was the one who gave Dusty her first drink of wine, when she was just thirteen...'

Dusty took a sip of wine.

"What do you think?" Vinny asked.

"Ick!" Dusty gagged.

"Ick?" Vinny frowned. "This is my best vintage!"

"Ponies actually like drinking this?" Dusty grimaced. "It's so... yuck!"

"It's not really for kids" Vinny declared. "Sure, now you hate it. When you're older, you're going to be drinking whole bottles of this stuff!"

"Really?" Dusty frowned. "I'm not looking forward to growing up so much now..."

'As the years passed, and Dusty grew older, she became interested in colts. Murray decided to take her under his wing and teach the 'sweet art of wooing' as he put it....'

Murray and Dusty stood in the local mall. A group of teens gathered at the food court, several of them handsome colts.

"Okay, first things first." Murray declared. "Doesn't matter whether you're a guy or gal, you always gotta make the first move."

"And why is that, exactly?" Dusty asked skeptically.

"Because it shows you've got confidence." Murray grinned. "Now, go over there and tell that colt that he's a 'real cutie'."

Murray pointed to a green-coated, blonde-maned Pegasus stallion with blue eyes and a hunting knife Cutie Mark.

"I can't do that!" Dusty blushed.

"And why not?" Murray asked.

"Because he is cute!" Dusty yelped. "I can't just go over there and tell him!"

"Of course not." Murray nodded. "Just telling somepony that isn't enough. You've gotta put yourself out there. Show off the goods."

"The goods?" Dusty frowned.

"Yeah, you know: strut your stuff." Murray smiled. "Swing those hips, flick that mane. Let that guy know what could be his. Then just come right out and say that you think he's cute, and you'd like to hang out. That oughta do the trick."

"I... I don't know..." Dusty stuttered. "You sure it'll work?"

"Would I steer my favorite niece wrong?" Murray grinned.

"I'm your only niece, uncle Murray." Dusty pointed out.

"Exactly." Murray nodded. "But seriously, if you just show a little confidence, he'll pick up on that, and get interested."

"You really think he'd be interested in me?" Dusty blushed.

"Why wouldn't he?" Murray grinned. "You're a sweet, smart little filly, not to mention you inherited everything from your mom in the beauty department. Any guy would be lucky to have you speak to him. Now go get 'im."

"Okay..." Dusty took a deep breath. "Here goes..."

Dusty walked over to the colt, trying her best to strut her way there. Just as she was almost there, she lost her footing, and fell against him.

"Oh, boy..." Murray cringed.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Dusty cringed. Quickly trying to save face, she added. "I mean, I'm cute- You're cute! No, you're not cute! I mean-"

"Hey, easy." The colt smiled good-naturedly. "What say we start over? I'm Hunter."

"I'm Dusty." Dusty smiled. "Sorry for bumping into you. I just wanted to say..." She glanced over at Murray, who nodded. "I think you're... cute."

"Oh, really?" Hunter grinned. "Well, you're not so bad-looking yourself."

"Thanks..." Dusty blushed. "Would you, um... like to join me for a hay smoothie, maybe?"

"Wow, you're pretty forward, aren't you?" Hunter mused, causing Dusty to cringe slightly. "Sure, why not?"

"Really?" Dusty beamed.

"Sure." Hunter nodded. "Honestly, you're the first mare who ever actually asked me out. I'm impressed."

"Thanks..." Dusty blushed.

As they walked over to the smoothie stand, Murray watched them.

"Not quite how I'd have done it, but it worked." Murray beamed. "Way to go, Dusty."

'Thanks to Murray, Dusty got her first coltfriend. It didn't last long unfortunately, but it opened a door for Dusty. She grew a little more confident around colts, and enjoyed more dates after that. Not as few as I'd have liked, but at least she wasn't the sort of mare who had a different colt every week. I don't if I could have handled that...

Now, Caboose had always been very invested in Dusty, as had O'Malley. They were both protective of her. He became the 'mama bear' since Sandy's death, using all his skills to make sure Dusty remained happy. Unfortunately, one day, they went a little overboard...'

The sixteen-year-old Dusty was at Roam High School, when she was accosted by a blond-maned Earth Pony mare with a peach-colored coat, and a pom pom Cutie Mark. She was Connie D'amuzzlo, the "alpha female" of the school, whom Dusty usually tried to avoid.

"Hey, Dusty." Connie smirked.

"Um, hi, Connie." Dusty said nervously.

"That's a nice mane you've got there." Connie declared.

"Oh, really?" Dusty smiled, pleasantly surprised. "Thanks."

"So, how much do the rats charge you to rent it?" Connie said nastily.

Connie and her friends laughed spitefully at Dusty. Suddenly, Caboose arrived.

"Hi, Connie." He smiled. "Caboose Napoleon, Dusty's uncle." O'Malley suddenly emerged. "And O'Malley Napoleon, also Dusty's uncle. Say, uh, can you do me a favor?" He pointed out a fire extinguisher in a glass case on the wall. "You see that fire extinguisher there?"

In the split second that Connie turned to glance at the extinguisher, O'Malley grabbed her by the mane and slammed her repeatedly into the case.

"O'Malley, that's enough." Dusty tried to stop him. He ignored her, and kept on ramming Connie's face against the glass. "That's enough!" She pulled on his leg, to no avail. "THAT'S ENOUGH, O'MALLEY!!"

Connie dropped to the floor, her face a bloody mess, as Caboose returned, weeping loudly. In front of the shocked student body, Dusty led the still-crying Caboose away.

'What a mess that was. It took a lot of influence to make that little fiasco go away, not to mention we had to pay for Connie's medical bills (Despite the doctor's best efforts, she ended up losing her bid for homecoming queen. Sad as it was, she still did had it coming, so it's a moot point). Caboose wound up getting banned from the school grounds, though.

But despite all those mishaps, Dusty was on the way to being a fine young mare. However, not long after her eighteenth birthday, things took a sudden swerve. It all started when her latest coltfriend, Vance Fetlock, came to visit Dusty at the mansion...'

It seemed like a peaceful evening. The area around the mansion was still and quiet. But then...

"YOU SWINE!!" Slot's voice rang out.

One of the windows shattered as Vance, a slim Unicorn stallion with a white coat, blue mane, silver eyes, and a tennis racquet Cutie Mark, leapt out of it.

"YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN!!" Slot stuck his head out of the window, waving his hoof angrily.

"Vance, come back!" Dusty yelled after him. "He's... just kidding, that's all!"

"Don't waste your time with slimeball, Dusty." Slot snorted. "You're too good for him."

"Slot!" Dusty yelled, rounded on her uncle. "You... why... I'm telling dad!"

Dusty charged into the living room, where the rest of the brothers were.

"Dad, Slot chased my coltfriend away!" She announced.

"What?" Grimoire frowned, as Slot entered the room, panting slightly. "Slot, why would you do that?"

"He was getting hoofsy with Dusty." Slot revealed.

"How hoofsy?" Grimoire asked tentatively.

"Like this!" Slot yelled. Pretending he was the colt, he acted like he was hugging Dusty.

"That doesn't seem so bad." Sonny shrugged.

Slot moved his hooves lower.

"Hmm, a little amorous, but nothing to complain about." Murray declared.

Slot moved way lower, and his hooves seemed to cup something.

"Oh, boy." Lars gulped.

"Honk. Honk." Slot pretended to squeeze something.

"Ahhh..." The brothers said in unison, except for Caboose.

"Wait, why would he honk a clown horn?" Caboose asked. "You are really embarrassing sometimes..." O'Malley groaned.

"Good call, Slot." Grimoire nodded.

"What?!" Dusty yelped. "So what if he was feeling me up?! We were making out!"

"I know, I know." Grimoire nodded. "But 'making out' can evolve into something far more sordid faster than you can imagine."

"Seriously?" Dusty frowned.

"We've all been there." Salt nodded. "Trust me, kiddo. Colts that age can't control themselves."

"Vance would had never done that!" Dusty retorted.

"You don't know that." Slot shot back. "You've been dating him, what? A couple weeks?"

"What, you don't trust my judgement?" Dusty asked.

"It's not that, kiddo." Murray told her. "We just don't want any to happen to you."

"I'm not a foal anymore!" Dusty yelled. "I can take care of myself!"

"None of us are disputing that." Grimoire declared. "We're just trying to look out for you, like family does."

"And what part of 'looking out' for me involves scaring off my coltfriends?" Dusty growled.

"Better safe than sorry." Slot shrugged.

"Ugh!" Dusty groaned, storming off.

"Dusty..." Grimoire sighed.

"Boy, she seems pretty mad." Sonny noted. "Maybe one of us should go and talk to her?"

"She'll be okay." Lars declared. "Give her time to cool off, and everything will be fine by morning."

"'Course she'll be okay." Murray chuckled. "She can't stay mad at us. We're family, after all."

'Despite my brothers' words, I couldn't help but experience this foreboding feeling in the back of my head. I could never have imagined what that would lead to...'

The next morning, the brothers were having a brief discussion about their operations with some of their operatives when Dusty entered the room.

"Dad, guys, there's something I need to tell you." Dusty declared.

"Can't it wait, dear?" Grimoire asked. "We're in the middle of something here."

"It can't." Dusty insisted.

"Okay, then what is it?" Murray asked.

"Well, I'm... moving out." Dusty announced.

The brother all gasped in shock.

"Moving out?!" Salt yelped. "Why?"

"What did we do wrong?!" Caboose asked.

"Nothing." Dusty shook her head. "I just... can't stay here anymore."

"Is this about that boy I scared off?" Slot asked. "Seems kinda extreme, if you ask me."

"It's not about that." Dusty assured him.

"Then what?!" Caboose threw himself at her hooves. "Whatever it is, we'll fix it! Just don't leave us!"

"I'm sorry, uncle Caboose, but I have to." Dusty sighed.

"And why precisely do you 'have to'?" Lars asked.

"The truth is, I'm sick of how my life seems to be going nowhere." Dusty confessed. "Sick of having no friends..."

"Of course you have friends." Vinny retorted. "You have tons of them right in this room." He turned to the mafia agents. "Right, boys?"

All the mafia agents turned to face the group.

"We love you, Dusty!" They chorused.

"Those aren't real friends." Dusty frowned. "They're just guys you're paying to like me. It's just not enough. I'm sick of this mafia life. And I'm sick of all of you coddling me. It makes me feel... boxed in. I want to strike out on my own, somewhere else, where I can stand out on my own merits!"

"But Dusty, you belong here." Grimoire declared. "You're a Napoleon, and you have a duty to uphold to this family."

"Even if I want to do something else with my life?" Dusty asked. "Or go someplace else?"

"You're acting like you're in prison." Grimoire frowned.

"I may as well be." Dusty shrugged. "I've spent my whole life here! I just want to go and see the world. Is that too much to ask?"

"It is when you're asking to abandon your family." Grimoire frowned. "We're Napoleons. We stick together, and we run the family business together."

"But what if I want to do something other than be a part of this little crime syndicate?" Dusty asked. "What if I just want to get some regular job, and pull in an honest wage?"

"Why would you want to, when all the money you ever need is here?" Grimoire asked.

"It's not about the money." Dusty growled. "It's about going out on my own, making a new home, and new friends."

"That's out of the question." Grimoire frowned. "No daughter of mine is turning her back on the family business. We need you here. You're not going anywhere."

"Says who?" Dusty asked petulantly.

"Says me, the head of this family!" Grimoire yelled. "And your father! That means you do as I say! You're staying here, like it or lump it!"

"Fine." Dusty pouted, tears in her eyes. "Then I choose 'lump it'!"

Dusty stormed out of the room. Grimm let out a harrowing sigh as he fell back into his chair... however, he soon felt the glares of his brothers.

"...What?" Grimoire growled.

"Seriously, bro? Did you not notice the irony in what you just said?" Murray glared.

"What are you talking about?" Grimiore frowned.

"He's talking about who you sounded like just now." Sonny explained. "Do you remember what Dad said when you wanted to leave and become a writer?"

"How could I forget?" Grimoire shook his head. "He said 'no son of mine is going to turn his back on the family way'." He went mute, as he realized the familiarity in his words. "Oh, Faust, I've became Pa."

"Yes, you have." Lars nodded.

"Dad had his points, but he was pretty stubborn." Sonny declared. "He wanted us all to go into the family business. And if you'll recall, he didn't take kindly to anypony thinking otherwise."

"And now you're doing to Dusty what he did to you." Vinny added.

"Well... I..." He floundered. "She needs to stay here!"

"We know you don't want her to leave." Murray noted. "We feel the same way."

"But she's a grown mare now." Salt added. "She should be free to make her own decisions."

"Are you seriously lecturing me on this?" Grimiore snarled, "You all detested me for wanting to leave the business!"

"Yeah, but that was different." Slot countered. "You were our big brother. You were supposed to set an example."

"But Dusty isn't supposed to set an example." Sonny declared, quickly skirting around the issue. "We're the ones who were meant to do that, especially you."

"And the example we set was for Dusty to make her decisions, to be her own mare." Caboose smiled. "And know you want her to not do that? Not cool, Grim."

"For once, I agree with hay-for-brains here." O'Malley added.

"We can't dictate her life." Lars countered. "She should be free to make her own choices."

"If not, she's just gonna wind up hating you for it." Slot declared.

"Come on, Grim." Vinny urged. "She really wants to do this."

"As sad as it'll be to let her go, she deserves to stand on her own four hooves." Murray declared. "Don't you think so, Grim?"

"I..." Grimoire muttered. "No, I can't...

"What would Sandy say if she were here?" Caboose asked.

"She... she'd want Dusty to live her life to the full." Grimoire acknowledged. "What a fool I've been..."

"It's not too late to make things right, you know." Sonny smiled.

"Yeah." Grimoire nodded.

The following day, Grimoire called Dusty into his study.

"What do you want?" Dusty asked angrily.

"I've been putting a lot of thought about our conversation last night." Grimoire declared.

"And?" Dusty said tensely.

"And I've decided... that I'm going to give you my blessing." Grimoire smiled.

"Of course you would." Dusty pouted. "You always- wait, what?"

"I'm sorry for being so stubborn." Grimoire apologized. "I just couldn't bare the thought of you leaving. You may be a grown mare, but you'll always be my little girl."

"Aw, dad..." Dusty cringed. "So, I can really go?"

"Yes." Grimoire nodded. "But only on one condition…"

"Condition?" Dusty frowned.

"That I get to pay to have you taken to anywhere in the world that you choose. Prance, Maretonia, Haygypt..."

"Dad, you don't have to-" Dusty tried to say, but Grimm cut her off.

"No, I want to, dear. Just name the place and I will get you there. No questions asked." Grimm explained.

"Okay." Dusty smiled. "Then I choose... Canterlot."

"Canterlot?" Grimoire gasped. "In Equestria? But, it's so far away..."

"Exactly." Dusty nodded. "Nopony here has really heard of the Napoleons, so there's no chance of me coasting on the family name. And it's such a big place. I'm sure I'll be able to find a job there."

"Well, if that is the place you want, so be it." Grimm declared, "All I want is for you to be happy, no matter what."

"And I am." Dusty leapt up and hugged him. "Thank you so much, daddy!"

"Anything for you, my darling girl." Grimoire hugged her back. "It's what your mother would want, after all. And there's so much of her in you. That's part of the reason I didn't want you to go. You're the last part of her, I have left."

"Oh, dad." Dusty smiled. "Mom will always be with you. And so will I, whether I'm here or not."

"I know that now." Grimoire stroked her mane. "And I'll never forget..."

'It didn't take Dusty long to get ready. In a couple of days time, she was raring to go. My brothers and I saw her off...'

"So, I guess this is it." Dusty sighed. "I'll miss you all..."

"And we'll miss you, Dusty." Grimoire sniffed. "My brave, brave girl. I'm so proud of you..."

"Aw, dad." Dusty cringed.

"Good luck out there, kiddo." Murray smiled.

"Don't take no guff from anypony." Salt added.

"And remember to eat right." Sonny smiled.

"Try not to drink any of that cheap, foreign wine." Vinny grimaced. "that stuff's like pigswill..."

"Remember what I taught you about doing your taxes." Lars beamed.

"And if you happen to meet any exotic ladies out there, let 'em know I'm available." Slot grinned.

"Dusty..." Caboose quivered, on the verge of tears. "I... I... bwaaaahhh!"

Caboose hugged Dusty, wailing like there was no tomorrow.

"What sprinkler-face here is trying to say is that we'll miss you too, Dusty." O'Malley stepped in, quickly shutting off the tears. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I'll be fine." Dusty smiled. "After everything you guys taught me, how could I not? Seriously though, the only reason I feel ready for this is because of all of you. You were the best family I could ever ask for."

"And you were the best daughter." Grimoire grinned.

"And niece." Murray added.

"Group hug!" Caboose bawled.

The family embraced one last time.

"I'll write you just as soon as I get settled." Dusty declared. "And I'll come visit the first chance I get."

"You'd better." Grimoire said jokingly.

"Bye, everybody." Dusty sniffed.

The brothers waved as Dusty left the mansion grounds.

"Off she goes." Grimoire sighed. "To a new life, a new path... She's become quite the young mare, hasn't she?"

"She didn't do it alone." Salt smiled.

"So true." Lars nodded.

Days later, Dusty arrived in the city of Canterlot. She was amazed by all the sights; The fancy boutiques, the upscale eateries, and especially the nearby castle, home to the Princesses themselves. It seemed like the perfect place to make a fresh start.

"Here we are." She smiled, taking in her surroundings. "New life, here I come..."

Dusty made her way to the shopping district, correctly assuming there would be a plethora of job opportunities there.

Back in Bitaly, Grimoire was sitting in Dusty's room. He reached down the side of her bed and pulled out an old stuffed baby.

"Where did the time go?" He sighed. "It seemed like just yesterday you were, and now you're out in the big wide world, all by yourself..."

"Grim?" Caboose asked, as he entered the room. "I thought I heard your voice."

"Hi, Caboose." Grimoire sighed. "I was just-"

"Thinking about Dusty?" Caboose asked. "Me, too."

"And me." O'Malley chimed in.

"Guess it's a popular topic today, huh?" Grimoire shrugged.

"Sure is." Caboose nodded. "This whole house seems so empty, all of a sudden.

"Doesn't it?" Grimoire agreed.

"And this room..." Caboose continued. "Just doesn't seem right, seeing it without Dusty."

"Come on." Grimoire patted the bed. "Sit down. Let's talk about it."

Caboose sat on the bed beside Grim..

"I still can't believe she's gone." Caboose sighed.

"Me neither." Grimoire nodded. "But all baby birds leave the nest eventually. And thanks to us, Dusty is soaring to new heights. How knows how high she'll go."

"As long as she doesn't leave us behind." Caboose smiled.

"That'll never happen." Grimoire declared. "If there's one thing a Napoleon never loses sight of, it's family."

'All in all, I was feeling quite good at the time. Albeit, I was a bit sad at first, but soon, I felt pride. My Dusty had grown up and left the nest, forging a new path in life. I was so happy for her, and giddy with joy at all the opportunities that lay ahead of her. Little did I realize where that new path would eventually lead her...'

The Chronicles Of Dusty

'For the next few years, Dusty enjoyed her new life in Canterlot. She experienced a slew of part-time and full-time jobs, working her way up the ladder of the city's work-based hierarchy, while also finding time to come and visit us every now and then. When she couldn't visit, she sent us letters, detailing all her experiences in her new home. More than one of those experiences involved new coltfriends. The first in particular stood out the most...'

Not long after arriving in Canterlot, Dusty was working in a diner as a waitress. It was her first day on the job, and she was going about it with gusto.

"...And two hay smoothies please." A customer finished off his order.

"Coming right up." Dusty nodded, writing it down.

Dusty made her way to the back of the diner.

"We have an order for a harvati cheese salad, red bean burrito, and two hay smoothies." She rounded off.

"You got it." The chef turned to take the order. He was a handsome Unicorn stallion, about Dusty's age, with a pale yellow coat, brown mane, teal eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a plate of fries. "First day on the job, right?"

"Right." Dusty nodded. "Haven't been in Canterlot all that long, either."

"I figured." The chef smiled. "No offense, but you kinda look like an out-of-town girl."

"None taken." Dusty smiled. "I've got to get back to work."

"Pity." The chef shrugged. "What say we talk more when our shift's are over? I get off in a couple of hours."

"Me too." Dusty grinned.

"Great." The chef smiled. "I'm French Fry, by the way."

"Dusty Speck." Dusty smiled back. "Glad to meet you."

"A pleasure." French Fry grinned.

Two hours later, they met outside the back entrance.

"You wanna get a drink?" French Fry asked. "There's this great bar, not far from here."

"Sounds good." Dusty smiled.

"It's the best." French Fry declared. "And that's just what a good-looking mare like you deserves."

"Oh, thanks..." Dusty blushed.

'Not long after that day, we received a letter from Dusty, telling us about how she and French Fry had started dating...'

The brothers were sat in the study, reading Dusty's letter.

"Got herself a big city coltfriend, huh?" Murray smiled. "Our little Dusty's really grown up."

"Just as long as that French Fry fella treats her right, I couldn't be happier." Salt declared.

"Plus, there's no chance of Slot chasing him off." Vinny chuckled.

"Seriously?" Slot frowned. "You're still going on about that? It was one time, and it was justified!"

"Anything you say, Slot." Grimoire rolled his eyes. "From what this letter says, French Fry seems to be a decent stallion."

"And Dusty always did have good taste in coltfriends." Sonny added.

"I'm just glad Dusty's doing so well for herself out there." Lars announced.

'We wouldn't know this until much later, but Dusty actually ended up losing her virginity to French Fry. Suffice to say, I held the stallion in far less favor when I discovered this little fact. If I had known that while they were still dating, I would have most likely gone over to Canterlot myself and drowned him in his own deep fryer. Ultimately, Dusty broke up with him after a couple of months, due to some argument over his cooking skills.'

'All in all, though, we were glad that Dusty was carving out a niche for herself in this new place. But years later, events would take fold, events which would change our family forever. These events will be outlined here, in what I call...'

Chapter Eleven: The Chronicles Of Dusty

'None of Dusty's jobs lasted any longer than a few years at best. But she was fine with that. She wasn't after a lifelong career. She just wanted to experience as much as she could. In her desire to stand apart from her family Dusty slowly but surely entered a subtle change in personality. She became meeker, quieter, the attitude and strength being a member of our family required no longer being needed. It was such a subtle change that none of us even noticed. But that wasn't the only major change coming...'

After over twelve years in Canterlot, Dusty had served in many positions, from waitress to personal assistant to fitness instructor. When she heard there was a position open for a member of staff at the castle, she leapt at the chance. To work for royalty was a fantastic opportunity, especially for Dusty, who had never even seen a royal before. Before long, she was sat in an interview room, speaking with the head of staff, a balding beige colored stallion with a gray mane, blue eyes, and a pocket watch Cutie Mark.

"Well, you do have an impressive resume." The stallion smiled. "Lots of experience in the maintenance and housekeeping professions, and a spotless criminal record... Yes, I think we can make this work."

"You mean I've got the job?" Dusty smiled.

"Indeed you do, Miss Speck." The stallion held out his hoof. "Welcome aboard."

"Thank you so much." Dusty shook his hoof. "I won't let you down. I promise."

"I should hope not." The stallion said drily. "You see, all the servants here are like cogs in a machine. They each serve an important function. If one cog can't fulfil that function, the whole mechanism could fall apart.

"You can count on me, sir." Dusty nodded. "This is one cog that will do her best."

"Excellent." The stallion smiled. "You start tomorrow."

'None of us had expected Dusty to get a job like that. It was with an air of surprise that we read her next letter...'

"Dusty's a maid now?" Salt frowned. "Isn't that a little... demeaning?"

"I don't know demeaning of that word!" Caboose joked. "Ugh, you are so embarrassing..." O'Malley grimaced.

"Salt has a point." Lars frowned. "Dusty's a Napoleon. She shouldn't have to lower herself to such a menial position."

"If that's what she really wants, who are we to argue?" Grimoire countered.

"Grim's right." Murray nodded. "Besides, I hear the royalty in Equestria are really nice."

"Yeah, me too." Sonny smiled. "They'll probably treat Dusty really well."

"They'd better." Slot growled. "Otherwise, those snotty royals are gonna get a taste of my hoof!"

"I'm sure they're shaking in their fancy golden shoes." Vinny said sarcastically.

'As it turned out, Sonny was right, and Dusty was treated fairly by the royals. One in particular took a considerable liking to her...'

Moments after agreeing to Prince Blueblood's request of a date, Dusty started considering just what she had agreed to.

'Did I really just agree to go on a date with an actual Prince?' She thought to herself. 'What could he possibly see in me? I'm no misfit or unlikeable pony, but he's a Prince! A very handsome Prince. He's seriously out of my league!' But... if I do that, maybe he'll take it badly. Maybe he'll have me fired, or worse, thrown into the dungeon. No, he wouldn't do that... would he? Ohhh, what have I gotten myself into? She shook herself mentally. Snap out of it, Dusty! Remember, you're a Napoleon, and Napoleons always see things through, no matter what...'

('For more on these events, please consult "The Prince And The Pauperess", a first-hoof account of Dusty and Blueblood's relationship, available at all good book stores.')

'Despite her misgivings, Dusty went through with her date with Blueblood, and ended up enjoying herself greatly. The two started going steady. As they grew closer, some of Dusty's old self began to emerge...'

Dusty and Blueblood had decided to spend the day at the swimming pool at the country club. Blueblood emerged from the changing rooms wearing dark blue silken trunks and a swimming cap (to keep his mane tidy), while Dusty came out wearing a form-fitting red swimsuit. Her braid was undone, so her dark brown mane tumbled down her front.

"Wow..." Blueblood stared, admiring her appearance. "You look amazing."

"Why, thank you." Dusty grinned. Recalling Murray's lessons, she sashayed over to him, each movement accentuating her figure. "Do you do much swimming?"

"I dabble." Blueblood shrugged.

"Well, I always liked swimming." Dusty smiled. "Back home, I would swim every day during the summer. I even had a job as a lifeguard for a while."

"That explains why you look so good in red." Blueblood declared.

"You charmer." Dusty wrapped her hooves around him. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Oh, Dusty..." Blueblood gulped, a little flustered at how forward she was being.

"Remember, if anything goes wrong, I'll be ready to give some... mouth-to-mouth." Dusty whispered in his ear.

Blueblood made a high-pitched nervous laugh.

"But first, maybe we should rub some sun tan lotion on each other." Dusty chuckled. "You can help me rub some on my legs, and other places..."

As Dusty leaned forward, Blueblood saw that her swimsuit had no back, exposing her slender curvature.

"That... that would be nice..." He squeaked, his horn sparking. He thanked Faust he wasn't a Pegasus.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Dusty purred. "Let's get to work."

"Yes, please..." Blueblood grinned.

'Suffice to say, neither of them partook in much swimming that day. And for those of you wondering how I know this, let's just say Slot slipped Blueblood some truth potion as a prank one time. That experience was the least of what came out of Blueblood's mouth. What else he told us is better left unsaid...'

'At that point in time, none of us were aware that Dusty was dating a Prince. We only found out because Vinny liked to read up on gossip from overseas, and had a subscription to The Canterlot Crier.'

One morning, Vinny picked up his freshly delivered issue of The Canterlot Crier.

"Let's see who's in trouble today..." He grinned. His smile vanished as he saw a picture of Dusty and Blueblood on the cover, with the words "Prince/Maid Romance!" accompanying it. "No way!"

Vinny rushed into the dining room.

"Guys, check this out!" He waved the magazine over his head.

"For the last time, Vinny, none of us cares how many stallions Sapphire Shores was caught in bed with." Lars rolled his eyes.

"Not that, this!" Vinny pointed to the front cover.

"Is that... Dusty?" Murray frowned.

"Dating a Prince?" Sonny gaped.

"Not just any Prince." Salt growled. "It's that stuck-up egomaniac, Blueblood."

"It can't be." Grimoire shook his head in disbelief. "What would a snob like him want with our sweet Dusty?"

"Maybe he wants her to be his trophy marefriend." Slot said darkly.

"Come on guys, don't be so negative." Caboose said fairly. "Maybe he really does like Dusty." O'Malley jumped in. "And maybe we can use this to our advantage. Having royalty in the family means having some emergency funds when things get rough. Or even a little influence overseas."

"What I get is why Dusty wouldn't tell us." Vinny sighed.

"Maybe because she'd have to tell him about us." Murray pointed out.

"Good point." Lars nodded. "Telling a member of the royal family that you're part of a family of criminals isn't the best idea in the world."

"Either way, I would very much like to meet this Prince Blueblood." Grimoire said darkly. "Face to face."

'Moments later, I penned a letter to Dusty, asking her to bring her new beau to me. She replied back without delay, and suddenly, she was bringing a Prince home. Hours before they were due to arrive, the rest of us gathered in the study...'

"Okay boys, get ready." Grimoire declared. "We're about to meet this royal coltfriend of Dusty's."

"And if I don't like what I see, somepony's gonna be sorry." Slot growled.

"Easy, Slot." Sonny admonished him. "Let's give the guy a chance, okay?"

"Yeah." Murray nodded. "Let's see what kind of stallion he is first. If it turns out all the story about him are true, you can beat on him to your heart's delight, Salt."

"Just remember to save some for me." Slot growled.

"I'll talk with him first." Grimoire declared. "The rest of you can meet him at lunch. That way, he'll have a chance to see what this family's made of, without us all ganging up on him from the get-go. Any questions?"

"I have one." Caboose raised his hoof. "Doesn't it kinda feel we've already done this before?"

"What?" Lars frowned. "How could we have done this before?"

"I dunno." Caboose shrugged. "I just got this weird sense of deja vu. Like we did this before, a long time ago..."

"Yeah, but that's you." Vinny snorted.

"The kid's right." O'Malley admitted. "It feels like even though we've evolved our personalities over the years, we're about to take a big step back today, as if life is some kind of story, and what's happening now is somehow our first appearance."

"You're getting to be as bad as Caboose." Lars sighed.

"Enough talk." Grimoire said sternly. "Let's just get through this little meet-and-greet. We'll have the measure of Blueblood soon enough."

"Just so long as we get it fast." Murray declared. "We've still got that cockatrice to round up tomorrow, remember?"

'Surely enough, we did get the measure of Blueblood. We weren't impressed at first, but after Dusty talked us into taking him on our hunting trip, and he helped us capture the rare cockatrice, we started to realize what Dusty saw in him, and we gave him our full blessings. Even so, I felt a little extra caution was required...'

Not long after Dusty and Blueblood's departure, Grimoire called the brothers to his study.

"What's up, Grim?" Murray asked.

"While our first meeting with Blueblood went better than I expected, I still think it would be best if one of us went to Canterlot to keep an eye on things." Grimoire declared.

"Seriously?" Salt asked. "Blueblood saved us from a buckin' cockatrice, and you still don't trust him?!"

"It's not about trust." Grimoire told him. "It's about insurance. Not everypony likes royalty, after all. If some subversive pony were to kill Blueblood, or worse, if Dusty got caught in the crossfire, or held hostage, I don't know what I'd do."

"I didn't think of that." Lars gulped.

"But I did." Grimoire said quietly. "I've put together a fake backstory for one of us to use in order to join the Royal Guard in Canterlot. That should allow for a very close eye on things."

"But which one of us should go?" Sonny asked.

"Good question." Vinny nodded. "We all have our part to play around here. We can't pack up and leave, just like that."

"Especially not Grim." Murray added. "It'll have to be one of us."

"But who?" Slot asked.

"I've devised a fair and reasonable way to decide who goes." Grimoire reached under his desk, pulling out a tube containing straws. "By drawing straws."

"Really?" Lars frowned.

"You have a better idea?" Grimoire asked.

"I like it!" Caboose smiled. "But we're gonna need some pencils and paper. Silly Grim, you can't draw straws with actual straws!"

The brothers stared at Caboose.

"Idiot." O'Malley growled.

"Come on, guys." Grimoire held up the tubes. "Let's do this."

One by one, the brothers used their magic to lift a straw out of the tube. Once all the straws were out, they compared sizes. Caboose's was by far the shortest.

"Looks like you're going." Grimoire smiled.

Yay, I won!" Caboose cheered. "Wait, what did I win?"

"An all-expenses paid trip to Canterlot." Murray joked.

"Hooray!" Caboose cheered.

"You do realise you just made a huge mistake, don't you?" O'Malley asked Grimoire.

'Despite O'Malley's misgivings, Caboose did do a good job of watching out for Dusty and Blueblood, though the job interview could have gone better...'

Caboose sat in the same room Dusty had sat in, so many months ago. His interviewer was Iron Hooves.

"So, why exactly do you want to be a part of the Canterlot Royal Guard?" Iron Hooves asked.

"Because, er... it sounds like fun!" Caboose grinned.

"Fun?" Iron Hooves raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not fun in the 'ha-ha' sense." Caboose shrugged. "More like fun in 'serious, no laughing' sense."

"I see." Iron Hooves frowned, confused. "Let me just check your history..."

Iron Hooves turned and reached for the papers Caboose had brought with him.

"You're blowing it, stupid." O'Malley whispered.

"Am not!" Caboose hissed.

"Well, you do have a very impressive service record." Iron Hooves glanced at the fake documentation Grimoire had written up. "Five years serving in Saddle Arabia. That's great. We could always use more veterans around here."

"Well, I'm not sure if I can help in that regard." Caboose shrugged. "I don't have much of a history when it comes to taking care of animals..."

Iron Hooves glanced at Caboose for a moment, an odd look on his face... then burst out laughing.

"And funny too!" He chuckled. "Just what we need to liven things up around here!"

"Yeah, it was a joke..." Caboose lied. "A funny, funny joke..."

"I'll go and grab your new armor." Iron Hooves declared, walking away.

"You stupid lucky bucker..." O'Malley growled in disbelief.

"What was that?" Iron Hooves asked as he turned back.

"Oh, nothing." Caboose laughed weakly. "It's not like I have a malevolent split personality in my head that comes out whenever he wants. Because that would be crazy!"

"Yeah, it would..." Iron Hooves frowned. "I'll be right back with your armor."

As Iron Hooves walked away, Caboose smiled widely.

"I think that went pretty well." He declared.

"Yeah, right." O'Malley snorted. "You almost blew the whole scam."

"Well, you weren't much help." Caboose shot back. "Why don't you try keeping it to yourself from now on? It's not like there are a lot of Royal Guardsponies with split personalities, y'know."

"I'll try." O'Malley told him. "Just so long as you try to keep a lid on that verbal diarrhoea of yours."

"I don't know what that is, but you got yourself a deal." Caboose nodded. "And once Iron Hooves comes back with our armor, we'll pay Dusty and Blueblood a visit..."

'For the next few months, all was well. Then came the day the brothers and I visited Canterlot. It was the day Blueblood proposed to Dusty, and the day we learned that Celestia and Luna knew of our mafia ties (mostly due to Luna peeking into Caboose's dreams). Blueblood's proposal was no surprise, given that Caboose had written to me about it weeks before, but knowing that the Princesses were aware of our activities was another matter entirely. Though they claimed they were okay with our profession, we were still shaken by the revelation after returning home...'

"I know the Princesses said everything was cool." Murray fretted, as the brothers sat on the front garden, several of their agents with them, having wanted to discuss matters that occurred during their absence. "But what if they were lying?"

"I'm pretty sure Princesses don't lie." Sonny shrugged.

"Don't be so naïve." Lars said contemptuously. "What if they're sending a squad of Royal Guards to Bitaly right now to arrest us?!"

"Calm down, guys." Grimoire rolled his eyes. "It's been a week since we met them. If they were going to do anything, they'd have done it by now."

"Funny you should say that..." Salt gulped, pointing to the sky.

A carriage carrying Celestia and Luna descended upon them

"Oh, boy..." Slot gaped.

"Suddenly, they're not so hot at the moment." Vinny trembled.

"Oh, my Faust!" One of the gardeners yelled. "It's a royal bust! Where are the cyanide pills? I'm not going to jail!"

The rest of the agents occupying the outside of the house started panicking.

"The Princesses are here?!"

"We're doomed!"

"Run for your lives!"

"Tell my wife I love her!"

The agents ran in all directions, most of them taking cover inside the mansion.

"Calm yourselves." Celestia announced, as the carriage landed. "We are not here to 'bust' anypony."

"We are simply here to provide a warning." Luna added.

"What kind of warning?" Grimoire asked.

"You may wish to tone down your actions from this point on." Celestia told them.

"And why would we do that?" Murray asked. "You already told us you were okay with them?"

"It's not us you should be worried about." Luna retorted. "It's Dusty. If ever your not entirely lawful ways were revealed, she would no doubt suffer for it. As a future Princess, she will be quite well-known in time."

"They've got a point." Sonny admitted.

"To be honest, you can't really judge us by what you've seen in Caboose's dreams." Lars declared. "To be blunt, he's a little screwloose."

"When he's awake, perhaps." Luna countered. "But he's surprisingly lucid when he's dreaming."

"While a lot of your activities are beyond our jurisdiction, there are some which are closer to home." Celestia pointed out. "Like a certain incident in Las Pegasus, some years ago..."

"Ah, yes..." Grimoire cringed. "That. But we only blew up those building because they were being used by phony credit companies. We were helping the citizens of Las Pegasus."

"Yeah, you oughta be thanking us!" Slot yelled.

"Don't push it, Slot." Salt elbowed him.

"We may be crooks, but we're not heartless." Vinny admitted. "We help ponies as much as we rob them, and unlike your Royal Guard, we're ready to bend the rules to do it."

"An admirable sentiment." Luna admitted. "But I trust you know there is only so much we can look the other way from. As long as you keep your operations from achieving too grand a scale, we are willing to live and let live, as they say."

"Okay." Grimoire nodded. "We'll scale back our operations a tad. Believe me, the last thing any of us want is to hurt Dusty."

"We know." Celestia smiled. "The love all of you have for her is plain to see."

"And you all have good hearts." Luna beamed. "We simply wish to ensure everypony is happy."

"Thank you." Grimoire grinned. "We know letting us go about our business goes against the grain, and we appreciate you looking the other way."

"You're welcome." Celestia smiled. "Now if you'll excuse us, we must be off."

"So must we." Salt retorted. "We need to stop some of our best agents from committing suicide..."

"Yes, do apologise to them for us, will you?" Luna requested. "We didn't mean to make such an abrupt entrance, but we feared you wouldn't answer a written request to meet."

"You'd be right about that." Murray snorted.

"Until we meet again, Napoleons!" Celestia waved, as the carriage took off.

"Well, that wasn't so bad." Sonny shrugged.

"Could've gone worse, that's for sure." Slot agreed.

As the Napoleons went back into the mansion, they saw their agents kneeling on the floor of the front hall, cyanide pills and knives at the ready, intending to commit suicide to avoid prison.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Vinny yelled. "Easy, guys! It's all good now!"

"How can it be good?" One stallion asked. "We're finished!"

"Actually, the Princesses and ourselves have reached an understanding." Lars declared. "Other than a slight scaling-back of our operations, everything's business as usual."

"That's right." Grimoire smiled. "No mass suicide today."

The agents sighed with relief.

"Thank Faust." A buffalo smiled. "Apart from anything else, we would have left quite a mess on the floor."

"And most of the house staff would have been dead, so cleaning it would have been quite the challenge." A Griffon added.

"Okay, that's enough drama." Murray chuckled. "Back to work, you guys."

"Gadly." A Changeling smiled.

As the agents filed out of the room, the Napoleons reflected on their close call.

"Little bit of an overreaction, don't you think?" Sonny mused. "Jail's not that bad, y'know..."

"Like any of us would know..." Salt said darkly.

'A few months later came the wedding between Blueblood and Dusty. As I led my daughter down the aisle, I had a few things I wanted to get off my chest.'

As they walked side-by-side, Grimoire hugged Dusty tightly.

"I can't believe this day has come." He whispered. "My baby's getting married."

"Oh, dad..." Dusty gushed.

"My little girl's all grown up." Grimoire beamed. "I'm so proud of you. And I know your mother would be too."

"Thanks, dad." Dusty smiled.

"It wasn't always easy, raising an exceptional mare like you." Grimoire admitted. "But seeing you now, ready to take such a big step, makes it all worthwhile."

"You were a great father." Dusty declared. "I wouldn't be here without you."

"True." Grimoire smiled. "Guess we can call it even."

'Not long after the wedding came the news that Dusty had fallen pregnant. We reacted with our usual aplomb...'

"OH YEAH!!" Murray cheered.

"I'm going to be a grandpa." Grimoire smiled widely. "I can't believe it..."

"Believe it, Grim." Salt grinned. "Our Dusty's going to be a mom!"

"And we're all going to be great-uncles!" Sonny added.

"Let's celebrate!" Vinny pulled out a bottle of his best wine.

"You know it!" Slot grinned, pulling out the glasses.

"Ah, Dusty..." Grimoire nostalgically. "I remember when you were just a foal yourself, and now you're having foals of your own..."

"Enough of the melancholy navel gazing." Lars grinned. "Let's toast to our new soon-to-be family members!"

'We drank quite a lot of wine that day. In fact, that first sip was the last thing I could remember until the day after. Eleven months later, Vito and Pureblood were born, and our family grew ever larger. For a time, things were perfect.'

Not long after Pureblood and Vito were born, Dusty cuddled her two foals. Grimoire came into the room.

"You look just like your mother when she was holding you." Grimoire smiled.

"Hi, dad." Dusty grinned. "I'm just getting them off to sleep."

"Let me help you with them." Grimoire offered.

"Okay." Dusty smiled. "You take Vito."

Gently, they both eased the twins into their crib, where they slept peacefully.

"They're so beautiful." Dusty whispered.

"Of course they are." Grimoire nodded. "You're their mother, after all."

"Oh, dad..." Dusty smirked, before lapsing into a quiet reverie.

"I know that look." Grimoire noted. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was just wondering..." Dusty admitted. "What kind of life would these two have? Do you want them to join the family business? Because I'm not sure Blueblood would appreciate that..."

"What these two become is entirely up to them." Grimoire declared. "They're your sons, not mine. You raise them as you see fit, and I'll be proud, no matter how they turn out."

"Really?" Dusty smiled.

"Really." Grimoire nodded. "They're not just Napoleons, after all. They have royal blood, and they deserve to make their own choices, just like you did. If you hadn't chosen to go and live your own life, they wouldn't even have been born. Ill always be proud of you for that."

"Thanks, dad." Dusty hugged him. "It wasn't always easy, making it on my own, but I can't thank you enough for giving me that chance. And I'll make sure they have that same chance, too."

"That's my girl." Grimoire hugged her back.

'But not long after the "Crystal Sun" incident, after our identities as heads of a criminal family had been revealed to all of Equestria, Dusty came to visit me at Zecora's hut (where I was staying while our new mansion was being built)...'

Dusty knocked on the door of the hut. Grimoire answered.

"Hello, darling." Grimoire smiled. "What brings you here?"

"I just wanted to talk." Dusty said solemnly.

"Okay." Grimoire frowned, noting the look on Dusty's face. "Come in."

Dusty entered the hut, and took a seat.

"Zecora's out gathering ingredients for her stew." Grimoire declared. "So it's just you and me right now."

"Great." Dusty sighed.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Grimoire asked. "Come on, you can tell me."

"It's... well..." Dusty steadied herself. "Ever since the family revealed themselves, things have been... well, bad."

"Bad how?" Grimoire frowned.

"I've been getting a lot of flak back in Canterlot." Dusty admitted. "I used to be well-liked, with lots of friends, both common and noble. But lately, ponies on the street have been throwing insults at me, calling me a 'no-good hood' who seduced Blueblood just so she could be royalty." She sniffed tearfully. "Some even said I belong in jail!"

"Oh, honey..." Grimoire comforted her. "I know what you're going through."

"You do?" Dusty wiped her eyes.

"Of course." Grimoire nodded. "Even though we were only outted a while ago, there have always been ponies who suspected what we really were. Those ponies would insult and antagonize us at every turn."

"It sounds horrible." Dusty cringed.

"It was." Grimoire nodded. "And I'm sorry to say things will only get worse from here. The cat's out of the bag now. Our family secret is out, and everypony knows who we are, and what we do. The insults and antagonism is only just beginning. We'll all be getting some serious flak before this blows over. If it ever does..."

"So what should we do?" Dusty asked.

"What we always do… we rise above it." Grimoire declared. "Even if they were right about our professions, we didn't need to worry about their half-witted insults. We knew we were good ponies, and not the monsters or criminal scum they called us. You need to do the same, my darling girl. Ignore the taunts and insults. If those ponies can't see past your heritage to who you really are, that's their problem, not yours."

"…You know what, dad, you're right." Dusty realized. "Why should I care what those jerks think? I know what kind of pony I am. My husband knows. My kids know. So I shouldn't let a few mean-spirited insults affect me."

"Exactly." Grimoire patted her on the shoulder.

"Thanks, dad." Dusty smiled.

"You may not be my little girl any more, but that doesn't mean I can't guide you from time to time." Grimoire beamed.

"I'll always be your little girl." Dusty hugged him. "And you'll always be the best dad in the world."

"So true." Grimoire chuckled as he hugged her.

'Dusty took my advice to heart; She ignored the insults and taunts from others, and got on with her life. And what a life it was. She became a strong, respectable Princess, her determination and compassion overcoming the prejudice and hatred of those who judged her by her heritage. Over time, the haters diminished, as she ignored their insults, and kept showing the world the real her. Ponies looked up to her, loved her, and bowed to her (though she could have lived without that last one). She and Blueblood raised Pureblood and Vito to be fine young stallions, who lived up to both their heritages, exemplifying the nobility of the royal family, and the honor of the Napoleons.

Looking back on all Dusty's accomplishments, from independent mare, to wife and mother, I couldn't be prouder to call her my daughter, and I know the feeling is mutual. I'm actually starting to get a little choked up, so I think I'll end this chapter here. Stay tuned for the next tale in our family saga.'

Dons To Dons

'As I'm sure you know, the Bitalian mafia isn't the only organised crime syndicate in the world. There are many others, in many other countries: Russiaddle, Chineigh, Japony, Shetland, even Hindia. Some of these organizations kept to themselves, but a lot of them reached out to others, combining resources and ensuring we wouldn't all be stepping on each others' hooves. To that end, every so often, we held a meeting between dons. My father, Clyde, naturally attended these, often bringing along Anarchy (as the dons often brought their sons along). But the year after Anarchy died, he brought me instead...'

After a long carriage ride, Clyde and Grimoire arrived in Russiaddle, which had been chosen as the location of that year's meeting. As they climbed out of the carriage, Grimoire shivered, as it was snowing heavily.

"Come on, Grim." Clyde urged. "There's no time to waste. We have important matters to attend to."

"You mean you have important matters to attend to." Grimoire pouted. "I'll be stuck having to make nice with the other dons' sons."

"And what's wrong with that?" Clyde asked.

"The fact that we don't have much in common, other than beings sons of dons." Grimoire sighed. "And that most of them are jerks."

"Well I'm sorry, but this is about more than just you." Clyde scolded him. "This meeting is about the peaceful co-existence of our families.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re friends with their dads.” Grimiore frowned.

“Friends?” Clyde chuckled, before scowling. “Don’t make me laugh. They're all smug, thuggish jerks. If it was up to me, I would blow all their heads off.”

“Really?” Grimm raised a brow. “Then why are we allies?”

“It’s called having a common interest.” Clyde declared, letting out a sigh, “As strong a mafia we are, there’s only so much power that we have on our own. The same goes for the other mafias. By banding our powers together, we can maintain territories and operations, and help one another should we get in a jam. That’s why I am here.”

“Then why am I here, making nice with their sons?” Grimm crossed his hooves.

“Because, son, like you will be one day, they are going to be dons. You may hate them with all your guts, and them likewise, but couple of years from now, they are going to be your greatest allies. So, suck it up, and let’s get this over with.”

"...Fine." Grimoire huffed. "Now can we please get out of this blizzard?"

Father and son made their way to an old mansion where the meeting was being held. As they entered, they were greeted by servants, who offered to take their coats. After taking a moment to warm up, they went their separate ways; Clyde went to the meeting room, while Grimoire went to the parlor, where the other dons' sons were waiting.

There was Crowe Darkside, son of Raven Darkside, the Russiaddlan don. He was a Unicorn with no mane (he had shaved it off), a black tail, a charcoal gray coat, icy blue eyes, and a crow Cutie Mark.

Then there was Kong Barrel, son of Kai Barrel, the Chineighse don, an pudgy gold-coated Earth Pony with a dull blue mane, orange eyes, and a Cutie Mark of three barrels. With him was a translator (a light blue Earth Pony with a blonde mane, gray eyes, and a microphone Cutie Mark), since he didn't speak any English. His father said it was a condition, while others said it was just them not wanting to teach him other languages.

Zebediah 'Motherland' Ireland, son of Zachariah Ireland, don of the Shetland mafia, was next. He was a zebra with brown eyes, a short black afro mane, and a symbol resembling a pyramid on his flank.

After him was Zugzwang Marwari, son of Deepak Marwari, don of Hindia. A bright orange Pegasus with a yellow mane that parted into two long crests, green eyes, and a wishbone Cutie Mark.

Finally, there was the Unicorn Kamikaze Kawai, son of Daigo Kawai, head of the Japonese mafia. He had a dirty white coat, a brown mane, lavender eyes, and a katana Cutie Mark.

"Hello, Grim." Crowe declared. “’Bout time you showed up.”

"Hello, Crowe." Grimoire said curtly.

'We had all met before that day, of course. I had met most of them a couple of years back, when our mansion was the venue for the meeting. But I had met Crowe a little while before, when he and his father came over for dinner one night. Crowe wasn't exactly the most pleasant stallion. In fact, he was the most intimidating, fierce, and somewhat sadistic of our little group. It didn’t help that his father was rather infamous for mass murders and terrorism across Russiaddle, including an incident they call ‘No Russiaddlans’, some incident at an airship port. What happened that day is not fit for description.’

‘Nevertheless, Crowee had always been pleasant to me, and thus was one of the sons that I liked enough to actually be civil with.'

“Grimm, my man! Whaddup?!” Zebediah raised a hoof.

“Hello, Zebediah.” Grimm nodded, giving a small hoof bump.

'Zebediah is a rather shifty zebra if I had ever met one. Make no mistake, Zebediah is actually a very friendly guy, one you could enjoy a drink or shoot cans with. However, he has this thing about loyalty... or rather a lack thereof. I do consider him my friend, as he does me, but when given an opportunity in which he stands to gain a lot, he would go as far as to sell out his own mother to get ahead. He betrayed all of us at one point or another, but we never hold it against him. His mafia family was not a strong one, their choice of craft being drug smuggling, and both he and his father struggled to stay aloft amongst us ‘titans’ as he called us. And when he did betray us, it was never personal, it was just business. So we always forgive him (albeit we have him stay away from us for a couple of weeks to get over it). It didn't make it easy to trust him, though...'

"What are you doing here? I thought this was for heirs only." Zebediah asked, with a confused frown. “Where's Anarchy?"

"Don't you remember?" Zugzwang said contemptuously. "Anarchy's dead."

"Oh, yeah..." Zebediah shrugged. "Sorry for you loss, Grim."

"Hoo tah glar moochik babbit.” Kong gurgled.

"Master Barrel wishes to offer you his condolences." The translator told Grimoire.

“Oh, thank you, Kong.” Grim gave a small smile.

'Kong was always polite and tactful (or at least, that's how his translator made it sound). To this day I can’t understand what it is he says without his translator being there. His family specialized in weapon smuggling. They weren’t as bold as Darkside, but more often than not, their family would be questioned by the Global Equine Security Force, wondering if they had weapons of mass destruction. Being rather fat, Kong doesn’t get around much, and isn’t much of a fighter. But he does keep a crossbow handy for self-defense... or executing his translator (the latter happening more often than the former). He’s a good guy, albeit a bit spoiled... but he is a big pervert. Due to his status, he actually keeps a harem at home, all for his pleasure. But should he see a mare with a ‘shar herk' (‘luscious flank’) or 'toola dag' (‘great legs’) as he put it, he would have the translator bring up what he'd like to do with them... and trust me, you would not want to hear it.'

"I heard he got stabbed in the back by some low-life informant." Kamikaze sneered. "Pretty lame way to go if you ask me..."

"What did you say?!" Grimoire spat.

'Kamikaze... I never liked him. He was a total jerk, convinced he was better than everypony else, and not shy about expressing that opinion. Out of all our families, his was the richest and most technologically advanced. His family helps produce and engineer the goods and bring them into circulation. Drugs, weapons, even mares, if it was considered illegal, they can make it. Kamikaze and his family own it all, and he would lord it over each and one of us. It doesn’t help that he has a temper even more worse than Slot, and he would smash a guy’s head in if something doesn’t go his way. All in all, he’s a buckhole.'

"Show some respect." Crowe growled, staring down Kamikaze. "Anarchy was the best of all of us. How he died should not reflect what a stallion he was."

"So true." Zugzwang nodded sadly. "Any father would be happy to have a son like him... no offense, Grimoire."

"None taken." Grimoire sighed.

'Zugzwang was a calm, peaceful stallion. He seemed the most mild-mannered of us all. So much so that the first time we met, I could hardly believe he was one of us. His father, while not overtly vicious, could be remarkably cold and ruthless when he wanted to be. Zugzwang seemed like his total opposite, to the point where some of us believed he was adopted. His family owns plantations in Hindia, where they grow illegal substances and fruits. But they were infamous for doing experiments on animals in their ‘labs’ and selling them on the market. Rumors of deaths regarding them followed soon after.'

"Meela kuro darra." Kong declared. "Shewur ganga falla."

"Master Kong considered it an honor and a privilege to know young master Anarchy." The interpretor announced.

"So, how are you holding up, Grim?" Zebediah asked.

"Fine." Grimoire frowned. "Can we please just talk about something else?"

"Fair enough." Zebediah nodded. "If you need a shoulder to cry on, brother, I’m your stallion.”

"Back off, stripes." Crowe growled. "If Grimoire needs an ear piercing, or some voodoo brew, he'll let you know."

'Crowe was very prejudiced against Zebras. Not as a ‘Unicorn Supremacist’ kind of guy (he even detests those guys), but rather a racist thing, thinking they were "poor excuses for equines". However, he seemed to have a soft spot for the females of the species, leaving haunting questions as to what he would do to female zebras.'

“Easy, Crowe.” Grimm held up a hoof, as he turned to Zebediah. “Thanks, Zeb, but I’m fine, really.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Zebediah frowned, casting a glare at Crowe.

“So, how are things back home?" Crowe asked Grimoire. "I'm guessing since you're here, your dad has made you his new heir?"

"Yes." Grimoire sighed. "It'll be me who takes the reins of the Napoleon family after he passes on."

"Too bad for them." Kamikaze sneered.

"Excuse me?" Grimoire growled.

"If you're the future of the Napoleon family, the Bitalian mafia is all but finished." Kamikaze taunted him, “Anarchy was a true stallion. You’re just a measly bookwork.”

"Don't be sure." Grimoire snarled. "I'm not exactly in love with being in charge, but I'm going to give it my all. That of much I am certain!"

"Which isn't saying much." Kamikaze snickered.

"That's enough, Kami." Crowe declared.

"Yes, remember what this meeting is about: peaceful co-existence." Zugzwang added.

"Whatever." Kamikaze growled. "If you ask me, all this is just a waste of time. When I take over from my father, I won't need any help to do my job."

"We'll just see about that." Zebediah said contemptuously.

"Yeah, we will." Kamikaze boasted. "I'll be the best crime boss around, and you'll all be nothing but scum compared to me."

"Gerra sku rubus wata." Kong said contemptuously.

"Master Kong believes you dishonor both yourself and your father with such talk." The interpretor told Kamikaze.

"Oh, yeah?" Kamikaze sneered, glaring at Kong. "Say that to my face, tubby."

"Gerra sku rubus wata." Kong said slowly, leaning into Kamikaze's face.

"Those are fightin' words!" Kamikaze snarled, putting up his dukes.

Kong raised his own hooves. The two circled each other, ready to fight...

"Enough!" Grimoire yelled. "You know, it's times like this that remind why I don't like hanging out with you guys."

"Hey, what did I do?" Zebediah frowned.

"Grimoire has a point." Zugzwang admitted. "It's hard for a stallion such as myself to consort with brutes like you."

"Oh, you want some of this?" Kamikaze growled. "Get in line behind chunky, and I'll get to you in a second."

"Nopony is fighting anypony!" Grimoire yelled. "Apart from anything else, I doubt our fathers would approve."

Kamikaze lowered his hooves. For all his arrogance, he had no intention of dishonoring his father.

"Let's just try to get through this." Crowe sighed. "Then we can all go home, and not have to see each other till the next meeting. Sound good?"

"You better believe it." Kamikaze scowled.

"Nice work." Grimoire told Crowe.

"Hey, I was just building off what you said." Crowe smiled. "I don't know how I could handle dealing with these guys without you."

"No problem." Grimoire smiled. "You being here makes this whole experience a lot more bearable. It's nice to know there's one like-minded, trustworthy stallion around here."

"Ditto." Crowe grinned. "You're a good egg, Grim. And I'm looking forward to the day when we can work together as fellow dons."

"Me too." Grimoire said respectfully.

'Believe it or not, that was actually quite standard for our encounters. But we all sucked it up and endured. Over time, we matured, and each took the reins of donhood. Despite how much we brought the worst out in each other, we continue to meet, and all animosity seem to had faded away, because like it or not, we needed each other if we were going to continue with our ‘businesses’. However, what follows is the story of our most recent meeting, one which carried many shocking revelations, in a chapter I call...'

Chapter Thirteen: Dons To Dons

'Some time before the ‘Crystal Sun’ incident, I and my brothers were preparing our mansion in Bitaly for the arrivals of the other dons, as it was once again our turn to host the meeting. Our preparations ranged from simple cleaning up, and specially made catering (such as Chineighse dumplings for Kong (and lots of them), Japonese sweet potatoes for Kamikaze, and even Hindian lentils and chickpeas), to a magical shield spell we were planning to put in place once everypony had arrived, preventing anypony from entering or leaving. That was Caboose's contribution; He had rented the spell from a friend in Canterlot, and had agreed to act as extra security, just in case. However, there was one thing we hadn't prepared for: Our significant others. We had insisted that they leave before the meeting, not wanting to expose them to the cream of criminals, but they had other ideas...'

Outside the mansion, the brothers were working in tandem, pooling their magical energies to enact the shield spell.

“Are you sure this shield spell is going to keep everything in and out?” Slot asked, as his horn glowed brightly.

“Hey, let’s give Caboose the benefit of the doubt. We were lucky that Caboose managed to convince Princess Twilight to give us this spell. He says that it is a copy of Shining Armor’s own shield spell.” Lars explained.

“Yeah, too bad ‘Boose couldn’t make it today.” Salt sighed.

“Well, his daughter is trying to get into the Junior Royal Guards program and he wants to support her.” Murray shrugged.

"Like father, like daughter, huh?" Sonny smiled.

"Focus, guys." Grimoire declared. "We're almost done."

The brothers' mares emerged.

"Whoa, that is some serious magic." Vinyl noted. "This meeting of yours must be some serious business."

"It is." Vinny nodded. "It's important for us to stay on friendly terms with our fellow mafia groups. Otherwise, we'd all be scrapping over every little thing."

"I never knew there was so much to this organised crime thing." Lyra admitted.

"There certainly is, my dear." Lars smiled.

“Now... are you sure you don’t want to leave?” Murray frowned. “’Cause once this spell touches down, no one will be leaving till the meeting’s over.”

“For the last time, Murray, we’re not going anywhere.” Mayor Mare said firmly.

“But, May…” Murray murmured.

"You heard her." Redheart nodded. "We want to stay."

"Red, babe, I don’t think that’s a good idea." Salt told her. "These guys are the biggest crooks on the planet. And you’re carrying my foal. I don’t want my little champ getting hurt by those criminals..."

"But you are criminals." Berry Punch pointed out.

"Yeah, but... they're not all decent stallions like us!" Vinny protested. "Some of them are downright rotten!"

"And you don't think we can handle that, right?" Bon-Bon frowned.

"None of us are saying that." Sonny assured her.

"They're thinking it, though." Lyra said shrewdly.

"Never, my darling." Lars assured her. "We just don't want you getting hurt if things go south."

"Seriously?" Vinyl sneered. "That old line?"

"Well excuse us for trying to look out for our gals." Slot snorted.

"What about you, Zecora?" Grimoire asked. "Do you want to stay too."

"Of course, my dear." Zecora nodded. "As your wife, my place is here."

"If that's what you want, then I can’t argue with that." Grimoire smiled.

"Can you say 'whipped'?" Slot snorted, earning himself an elbow from Vinyl. "Ow!"

"If Zecora gets to stay, then why can't we?" Vinyl demanded.

"Look, we just don't want you getting tangled up in these matters." Lars declared.

"Well, you should have thought of that before you started dating us." Lyra retorted.

"Lyra's right." Bon-Bon agreed. "You brought us into your lives, and we deserve to be a part of it all."

"You can't be serious-!" Murray started.

"Either you let us attend, or you're sleeping on the couch for a month." May glared at Murray.

"You too, Salt." Redheart added.

“Be reasonable, woman!” Salt sputtered.

"Vinny, if you even try to keep me out of this, I'll toss out every last bottle of wine we have." Berry added coldly.

“You wouldn’t dare…” Vinny whispered just as coldly.

The brothers looked at each other.

"Okay, fine." Salt sighed. "You can stay."

"Now that's more like it." Redheart grinned.

"But you're going to need to know how to deal with our guests." Murray declared.

"I think I have some rap sheets I can show you, so you can become familiarized." Lars nodded.

"Thank you." Lyra smiled. "It's nice to know you have faith in us."

After the brothers finished the shield spell, they and their mares went over to the parlour, where the mares were handed folders containing information on their guests.

"So, what should we know about our guests?" Bon-Bon asked.

"For starters, you should be wary of Zebediah." Sonny declared. "The guy's pulled off stuff like extortion, forgery, embezzling... he even once had a stallion literally torn limb from limb by tying his legs to four carriages and having them go off in different directions. He’s not a bad guy per se, but he has this thing for backstabbing... so, watch your back."

"To be fair, he only stabs you in the back when he needs to." Grimoire declared. "most of the time, he's okay to be around... just don't take him lightly."

"Next, there’s that fat pony Kong." Slot added. "He once robbed every bank in Chineigh in the same month, he's dealt in illegal exports, and he's had some... questionable encounters with mares over the years. He’s not a bad guy either, but he is a class A perv. Whatever you do, don’t raise your tail in front of him. He will be on you and most likely crush your spine."

"Eurgh..." May grimaced.

"Sounds like a real charmer..." Redheart cringed.

All the mares pressed their tails against their hindquarters.

"And Kamikaze is a total jerk." Vinny scowled. "He thinks he's so great. He's sliced up quite a few enemies with that katana of his, not to mention hijacked all sorts of boats and carriages. But on the upside, he got sent to prison after trying to kill the Emperor's son for a couple of years and... let’s say he got acquainted with one big stallion in the showers."

"Ugh, really?" Berry grimaced.

"Oh, yeah." Salt grinned. "If you want him to shut up, just say 'prison'. That'll put a lid on his big mouth."

“And make his butt clench too.” Vinny added with glee.

“What about…” Mayor glanced at Zugzwang’s file. “Zugzwang?”

“Oh, he’s a quiet sort.” Lars explained. “His crimes are nothing you ladies haven’t seen from us, but he has been doing some stuff with animals back home... It's probably nothing serious, though.”

“Of that I sincerely hope.” Zecora frowned, “If not, then fetch my rope.”

“Hey, hey, hey, none of that.” Murray scolded, “These guys don’t take kindly to being threatened, especially by mares.”

"Is that so?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Yeah." Sot said darkly. "That guy Zebediah had torn in four? Zebediah killed him because he made a crack about his mother."

"A slight overreaction, perhaps?" Berry deadpanned.

"Maybe, but it's probably best to not annoy them." Vinny shrugged. "Believe it or not, what Zeb did was pretty tame compared to what Crowe and Kamikaze are capable of."

“What about this bald guy?” Vinyl pointed to a picture from Crowe’s file.

“That’s Crowe Darkside.” Grimiore declared. “He may seem intimidating, but he is an okay guy...”

“Okay?” May repeated as she read his file, “Kidnapping, torture, dismemberment... Goodness gracious, where do you find these ponies?”

“That’s Crowe for you.” Grimm shrugs, “He is not evil, but he does take things to the extreme... a lot. Just don’t make him angry.”

"That seems to be the recurring theme here, doesn't it?" Lyra declared.

"Hey, you had your chance to bolt." Slot pointed out. "You chose to stay, and now you gotta deal with this."

"Study these folders well, ladies.” Lars advised. “If things get tense, you could always bring up some of their best crimes in an attempt to placate them. If that doesn’t work, hit the deck and pray that none of the blood that flies is yours."

"I doubt it'll come to that." May shrugged, a little perturbed by Lars’ advice. "After all, it's just a meeting. I've been to plenty myself. What could go wrong?"

'My brothers and I shared worried looks. We knew precisely what could go wrong, and couldn't help but worry about our loved ones being caught in the crossfire.'

Not long after, the guests arrived. Crowe looked about the same, except for being more muscular, and with his head naturally bald, rather than shaved, and was wearing a hunter’s vest. At his side was a holster holding a sheathed katana. Kong had gone from being chubby to grotesquely obese, his bloated stomach almost scraping the floor. He also had a new interpreter (as they were often killed and replaced), this one being a stout Pegasus with a moss green coat, a pale green mane, brown eyes, and a megaphone Cutie Mark. Zebediah had grown a bushy beard and had muscles as zebra stallions are known for. Zugzwang didn't appear to have changed much, save for a small scar on his right cheek. Kamikaze, on the other hoof, had several scars; some were souvenirs from his time in prison, while others were the product of swordfights. Flanking him were two bodyguards.

"Hello, everypony." Grimoire stepped forward to greet them. "I trust you're all well?"

"I'm very well, Grimoire." Zugzwang smiled. "Thanks for asking."

"Hey, Grim." Crowe grinned, patting Grimoire on the shoulder. "Nice to see you again. You’re looking as good as ever."

"You too, Crowe." Grimoire grinned.

"Hi, guys." Zebediah smiled.

"Zwe peba." Kong remarked.

"Mr Barrel says it is a pleasure to be here." The translator declared.

"That's your opinion." Kamikaze sneered. "Let's get this over with. I have better things to do than hang around this old dump. These 'meetings' have always been a waste of time..."

"Maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself, Kamikaze." Zugzwang scowled. "All these years, and you're still such a foal..."

"Watch it, feathers." Kamikaze growled. "Or I'll clip those wings of yours."

"Easy, guys." Zebediah smirked. "The meeting hasn't even begun yet."

"About that." Grimoire interjected. "We will be having some... extra attendees this year."

"Like who?" Crowe asked.

“Well, you remember my brothers, right?” Grimiore pointed out.

“You mean the seven stool pigeons.” Kamikaze snorted, looking oneach of them in turn. “Smarmy, punchy, drinky, chatty, bakey, grouchy, and...” He suddenly frowned. “That last one isn’t going to be here, is he?”

“No. He has other matters to attend to overseas.” Grimiore explained, refraining from scowling at the insult towards his brothers. “Murray and the others will be here though. Them... and the others.”

"Tsa tsa mika?" Kong frowned.

“Others?” The translator asked.

“Special guests, whom I will soon be introducing you to. Please, follow me to the dining room." Grimiore declared.

The collection of dons followed Grimoire to the dining room. Upon entering, they were surprised by the number of mares in the room.

"Whoa, what's with all the ladies?" Crowe asked.

"Toki glu srev." Kong smirked.

“Master Barrel wished that you had told him that we were going to have mares to service us this meeting, otherwise he would have had the interpreter clean... his...” The translator frowned. “Well, you know.”

"Excuse me?!" May growled

“May, we told you about Kong.” Murray whispered.

"Not exactly." Grimoire shook his head. "I would like you all to meet our significant others. This is May R. Mare, Murray's wife..."

"Hello." May said stiffly.

"Salt's wife, Redheart..."

"Lovely to meet you." Redheart waved.

"...Lar's wife, Lyra..."

"Hi." Lyra grinned.

"Sonny's wife, Bon-bon..."

"Hey." Bon-Bon gave a small smile.

"...Vinny's marefriend, Berry Punch..."

"How you doing?" Berry asked.

"Slot's marefriend, Vinyl Scratch..."

"Yo." Vinyl nodded.

"...And of course, my wife, Zecora." Grimoire finished.

"Welcome to my beau’s home." Zecora declared. "I hope it was not too far to roam."

"Well, well." Crowe smirked, looking Zecora up and down. "Grim, you dog. Nice catch! There's nothing more exotic than a striped mare..."

"Funny how you don't feel that way about a striped stallion..." Zebediah frowned.

"Zip it, you monochrome moron." Crowe growled, as he instantly pulled out his katana and pointing at him, much to Zebediah’s (and everypony else’s) shock. “Or else I cut your mouth off.”

“Put that thing away, Crowe.” Zugzwang batted it down, “Must you bring that thing everywhere with you?”

"Actually, yeah." Crowe smirked. "I got this on a trip to Tailand. An old pal of my dad's gave it to me, said it was just what a powerful stallion like me needs."

"That is one sweet blade." Slot whistled appreciatively.

"Don't you have like, a dozen of your own?" Vinyl rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but not like that." Slot retorted. "Look at that craftsponyship. You're a lucky guy, Crowe."

"I know." Crowe smirked, sheathing the katana, before turning back to Zecora. "It’s a pleasure, ma'am. Truly."

"Really? So the rumor about you guys going down to this ‘Ponyville’ to get mares were true. This is what you've been doing? Bucking your ‘backwoods’ mares?" Kamikaze sneered.

"'Backwoods'?" May growled.

"Watch it, pal!" Murray spat. "That's my wife you're talking about!"

"Hey, I thought you had a sense of humor." Kamikaze smirked. "After all... you married her!"

"Why, you..." Murray growled.

"It's okay, dear." May eased him. "If Mr. Kawai says anything of the like again, I'll just use my connections to have him thrown in jail."

"You wouldn't dare..." The smirk dropped from Kamikaze's face.

"Try me." May taunted him.

"Okay, that's enough." Grimoire said firmly. "Let's start the dinner, shall we?"

"Sounds good to me." Zugzwang smiled.

"I'm starved." Crowe grinned.

"Jerin na sarfik." Kong declared.

"Mr Barrel says he is feeling a little peckish." The translator announced.

"I could eat." Zebediah smiled.

The guests took their places, and the food was brought in by the servants. However, the mares were perturbed by Kong’s disturbing glance.

"Braw kra sala." Kong leered. "Sie pala Scratch."

"Master Barrel thinks you are all very lovely." The translator announced, as Kong leered at them. "Especially Ms. Scratch."

"Er, thanks..." Vinyl grimaced.

"Keep your eyes to yourself, pal." Slot growled. "She's mine."

"Speaking of lovely mares, how's that daughter of yours, Grim?" Zebediah asked.

"She's doing quite well, actually." Grimoire declared. "Still happily married, and raising those two colts of hers."

"Oh, yeah..." Crowe mused. "I forgot she went and married a Prince. Lucky her..."

"Not that lucky." Kamikaze sneered. "I hear that guy's a prissy little wuss. Then again, I guess the mares in her family have bad taste in stallions."

"Don't even think about bringing Sandy into this." Grimoire glared at Kamikaze.

"Still a little sensitive about that?" Kamikaze sneered. "What does wifey number two think about that?"

"Knock it off, Kami." Zebediah groaned. "I swear, every word out of your mouth seems to be an insult..."

"No big deal." Salt shrugged. "We all know Kami's not as high and mighty as he wants us to think he is."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kamikaze growled.

"He means we never wound up in jail." Vinny sneered. "How were the showers in there, by the way?"

"You little..." Kamikaze snarled.

"Let's move on to business, shall we?" Sonny asked.

“Quite right, Sonny.” Grimiore nodded. “As you may know, we had been suffering some setbacks with the Red Hoof Gang. We lost a few men and some of the operations cap-sized.”

"That is why we propose that you would allow us to make some small expansions into your territory." Lars continued.

"Hmm, I'm not so sure..." Crowe frowned. "Things are pretty hard in Russiaddle at the moment. The cops are tightening their dragnets. My boys have had some close calls..."

"I can sympathize with that." Grimoire nodded.

"Well, you're not having any of my territory." Kamikaze frowned. "I worked hard to gain control over Japony's criminal element, and I'm not giving up any of it!"

"I think I might have some small pieces of territory I could let you have." Zebediah offered.

"Lemme guess: places you've been having trouble with?" Murray frowned. "We're not stupid, Zeb. You probably just want us there so the cops or some rival gang can take us on, and you can sneak in from behind and take it all yourself."

"I am shocked that you think that!" Zebediah gasped dramatically. "I offer to help, and this is the thanks I get? I may betray you guys sometimes, but that doesn’t mean everything I do is a ploy to backstab you!"

“Well, forgive us for thinking that, given how you hung us out to dry back in Marerakech.” Salt crossed his hooves petulantly. "When the cops showed up, you jumped out of the window, and left us holding the bag... which was full of counterfeit antiques, remember?"

“...Fair point.” Zebediah pouted.

"Seeva farris cawa bara wigo." Kong declared.

"Mr Barrel wishes me to inform you that he may have one or two locations in the south he may be willing to share." The translator announced.

"Well, it's good to see somepony is being charitable." Sonny smiled.

"And all he asks for in return is a kiss from your mare." The translator added, then Kong gave another babble. "Possibly a massage, too." Another babble, “And something about job regarding blowing stuff up?” He glanced at his employer, “Did I hear that right, sir?” Kong babbled again, pointing downwards at his back legs, “Oh…”

"Oh, you did not just ask that!" Bon-Bon yelled.

"Yeah, no dice!" Sonny added, “My girl's not going anywhere near you, you vile slob!"

"Vama." Kong snorted.

"Suit yourselves." The translator translated.

"Funny how it’s always you guys who ask to expand." Kamikaze sneered.

"Always?" Slot growled. "You're the one who kept asking us to let you take some territories a while back."

"I had to recoup my losses after my time in... you know." Kamikaze frowned. "What's your excuse?"

"We've been taking in more members recently." Vinny shrugged. "We need more operations to pay their wages."

"That is how businesses work, after all." Berry added. "And you call yourself a crime boss."

“If you guys are hard-pressed for money, why don’t you go to your daughter’s boy-toy?” Kamikaze pointed out. “Surely you can ‘convince’ him to give you access to the treasury.”

“He does have a point,” Zugzwang said. “Better yet, you could easily move some of your operations to Equestria and use his status to make yourselves untouchable.”

“Yeah, he gets it!” Kamikaze gestured to him. “You guys are sitting on a golden egg, yet you're letting it go rotten! Why don’t you take advantage of ol’ ‘Blueballs’?”

“Because ‘Blueballs’ is my son-in-law, my daughter’s husband, and father to my grandfoals.” Grimiore glared. “I have grown to love him as my own flesh and blood, and our father raised us all to never use our flesh and blood for our personal gain.”

"No offense Grim, but that's kinda lame." Zebediah frowned. "If it were me, I'd use every advantage I could get."

"Well, none of us are you, aren't we?" Murray glared. "We wouldn't sell our own mother just to get ahead."

"That's just a wild rumor!" Zebediah protested. "...And besides, it was a trade, not a sell."

"If you're so desperate for territory, why don't you just expand into Zebrica?" Zugzwang suggested. "I hear you went into that no-pony's-land before, on vacation, no less."

"Watch what you speak." Zecora growled. "The name of my home, you do leak."

“The lady’s right.” Crowe huffed, “I thought we agreed that Zebrica was off-limits. We may run operations there...”

“But we don’t set up shop there.” Zebediah finished. “It’s bad juju.”

"'Juju'?" Lars snorted. "Of all the ridiculous..."

"They've got a point. I mean, the place isn't exactly peaceful." Salt remarked. "On our 'vacation', we almost got ourselves killed by some thing called the 'Multi-faced Death'. Took a lot of doing before we finally punched that freaky chimera's card."

“Multi-faced Death?” Zugzwang frowned. “What on-“ His mouth went agape. “You! You are the ones who killed Fluffykins! The others called me insane, but I knew that cannon-ball shaped wound look like Caboose’s work!”

Everypony else gaped at him.

"That abomination had a name?!" Lars spluttered.

"Ah, yeah, who you think helped engineered that thing?!" Zugzwang declared.

"You helped make that monstrosity?" Grimoire gasped.

"I certainly did." Zugzwang nodded, “Easily one of my greatest works!”

"Guess you forget to put a lock on that thing's cage." Murray declared.

"Actually, we let it out ourselves." Zugzwang shrugged.

"You what?!" Sonny gasped.

"Why in Equestria would you do such a thing?" Redheart asked.

"We set him off into the wild to study how a home-made chimera would fare being in a different environment." Zugzwang revealed. "All in the name of science, you see?"

“Zugzwang... that thing killed a bunch of innocent zebras!” Grimiore growled.

“You…you killed Zou…” Zecora murmured.

"Zeggy hoo-ah, dajo?" Kong asked.

“What is wrong with the sexy zebra lady?” The translator asked in translation.

“You... killed... Zou...” Zecora turned to face Zugzwang.

“What are you talking about?” Zugzwang frowned.

Suddenly, Zecora stood up from her seat, her face flushed with fury.

"You killed Zou!" Zecora yelled, outraged. "That creature had murdered my first husband, Zou, and now I see the fault for that lies with you!"

“Whoa, keep your lady reined, Grimiore!” Kamikaze held up his hooves.

"Calm down, dear." Grimoire tried to sooth his wife. "We'll sort this out, but we have to keep our heads to do it."

"I'll try." Zecora seethed, sitting back down. "But if I don't like what I hear, Zugzwang will surely die."

"To be fair, he didn't know that would happen." Crowe admitted. “It was a unfortunate coincidence.”

"Besides, what's the big deal?" Kamikaze sneered. "It was years ago. Get over it!"

"Mr. Barrel feels this has no bearing on our discussion." The translator declared.

"Says you." Zebediah said, sparking with righteous fury. "My ancestors hailed from Zebrica. They wouldn't like some jerk setting a monster loose there, and neither do I!"

"It's not my fault Fluffykins ate some random Zebra and tried to kill you and your brothers." Zugzwang told Grimoire. "He was a chimera. That's what they do. If anything, I'm the one who should be angry."

"Excuse me?" Grimoire frowned.

"You killed one of my favorite creations." Zugzwang growled. "It cost thousands of bits to make Fluffykins. Have you no idea how many snakes, goats, and tigers I had to put together till I got one to live?! I think you owe me for that!"

'That was the last straw. It was bad enough that Zugzwang was the one who created the beast that caused my beloved Zecora so much pain, but for him to be so utterly callous about it pushed me over the edge...'

"Owe you?!" Grimoire spat. "Are you insane? You sick, twisted bucker! I knew you were into some vile practices, but I never dreamed it was anything like that!"

"Calm yourself-" Zugzwang started.

"Not a chance!" Grimoire spat. "You ruined my wife's life! Took her first husband from her, just for the sake of scientific curiosity! You're lucky I don't kill you right now!"

“Hey, consider yourself lucky.” Zugzwang frowned. “You got the girl, didn’t you?”

“That is aside the point!” Grimm roared. “Zecora suffered for your actions, and you're going to pay for it!”

"Easy, Grim." Crowe urged. "It's not like Zuggy actually intended for any of that to happen. Cut him some slack."

"You're preaching restraint?" Grimoire snorted. "Seriously, Crowe? I've seen what you do to ponies who cross you. For you to now tell me to ease off on Zugzwang is hypocrisy, plain and simple."

"Wara tra namus." Kong declared.

"Mr Barrel believes that you should be more professional about this, Mr. Napoleon." The translator announced.

"You want professional?" Grimoire rounded on Kong. "How about you learn the language of the ponies you've working with? Or are you two busy with all the call girls and the ladies in your harem, you perverted slob!"

Kong's jaw dropped. He let out a stream of chatter in not babble, but rather intelligible Chineighse.

"I choose not to translate that." The translator cringed.

"And talking of unprofessional..." Grimoire glared at Zebediah.

"Hey, I'm on your side here!" Zebediah protested.

"Are you ever on anypony's side?" Grimoire sneered. "No, you're not. You always put yourself first, even if it means backstabbing everypony around you!"

"Oh, this is getting fun." Kamikaze smirked. "And I thought this was going to be a yawn-fest..."

"And you, Kamikaze." Grimoire spat. "Always so smug, so arrogant, so sure you're better than the rest of us. Well, the rest of us didn't run afoul of some brute in a prison shower! You're the last pony who should be talking down to anypony."

"Okay, that's it!" Kamikaze signaled to his bodyguards, who both pulled out crossbows.

In a flash, everypony (except the mares) pulled out crossbows and all sorts of ranged weapons from the under the table and pointed them at each other. Even the servants got in on it, pulling out crossbows and slingshots from out of drawers, vases, and even behind portraits. In the distance, some snipers pointed their crossbows into the windows.

"You guys really wanna do this?" Murray growled.

"You started it." Kamikaze spat.

"And we can finish it, too." Slot snarled.

"Suddenly, I'm regretting being here..." May gulped.

"You and the rest of us girls..." Lyra grimaced.

"Everypony please calm down!" Redheart urged.

"Sorry, babe." Salt said resolutely. "We can't stand for weapons being pointed at us."

"Am I supposed to be afraid here?" Kamikaze sneered. "From what I've heard today, it sounds to me like Grim's getting soft."

"Seballa kon toji." Kong announced.

"Mr Barrel says Mr Kawai has a point." The translator declared.

"Whether or not I'm going soft isn't the issue here." Grimoire snarled. "Zugzwang has committed a terrible crime against a member of my family, and by condoning what he's done, you have insulted us also."

"Well, you insulted us, too." Zebedia growled.

"Ten years ago, you would have never threatened me like that." Zugzwang declared. "Perhaps it's time to dissolve our little alliance."

"Maybe it is." Grimoire agreed, levelling his crossbow at him.

"Come on Grim, don't do this." Crowe urged. "Don't let everything our dads worked for be in vain."

"I'm not the one letting this happen." Grimoire said quietly. "I thought you were my friend, an ally I could count on to provide support, but you're not being very supportive right now."

"Friendship is one thing, but this is business." Crowe sighed. "I won't like it, but I'll do what I need to if it means getting out of here in one piece."

For a moment, everything was tense. Every mafia pony there was pointing a weapon at the other. It looked like a blood bath in the making.

The dining room's doors suddenly opened to reveal Caboose, clad in Royal Guard armor.

"Why can't we all get along?!" Caboose asked in dramatic and comedic fashion.

The visiting dons lowered their weapons in shock.

"Caboose?!" Crowe gasped. "What is he doing here?"

"Arash deva salla." Kong said nervously.

“Kong thought it was said in the letter that Caboose would not be attending.” The translator declared.

“Oh, man, I was so hoping not having to see this guy again.” Zebediah whimpered, stepping back a bit.”

"Oh buck no, not him..." Zugzwang quivered. "Anypony but him!"

'The dons had had run-ins with Caboose, and by extension O'Malley, over the years. Some had been on the receiving end of his wrath, others had merely witnessed it. But none of them wanted to experience it again. Even Crowe was discomforted by O’Malley’s existence. Of course, they didn't know that O'Malley was long gone by that point...'

"Why are you here, Caboose?" Murray asked. "I thought you were helping Hurricane with the Junior Guardspony trials?"

"Oh, she aced those." Caboose said proudly. "In record time."

"No way!" Sonny smiled. "Congrats!"

"Thanks." Caboose smiled.

"So why did you come here?" Salt asked.

"I figured you guys might need a little help with the meeting." Caboose glanced around. “And by the look of things, I got here in time.” He smiled, as he turned to Kamikaze. “Hey, Kamicrazy, how you been?”

“You stay the buck away for me!” Kamikaze pointed a crossbow at him, “I heard about you and how you joined the dark side! I don’t want to go back to prison! And I don’t want to take a shower there!”

“Whoa, easy, buddy, I’m not going to arrest you.” Caboose grinned, “And showers are not that bad. They save you lots of water.”

Kamikaze stuttered to make a response, but couldn’t get any word out.

“Now... why are we all threatening to kill each other?” Caboose asked.

"Basically, we found out that Zugzwang made the monster that killed Zecora's first husband, and caused us all that trouble in Zebrica a while back." Grimoire declared. "And none of these unfeeling jerks seem to care."

"Things sort of... escalated from there." Lars admitted. "Insults were flying fast and hard, and now we're all pointing weapons at each other."

“Oh... is that all?” Caboose frowned.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Zebediah asked.

“Seriously, guys, this happens every meeting.” Caboose sighed. “You guys always start out civil, all nice to each other and stuff, well except Kamikaze, ‘cause he’s a prick.”

“On that we all agree.” Salt declared. Everypony (except the pony in question) nodded in agreement.

“Oh, buck you guys.” Kamikaze frowned.

“Everything goes smoothly till we get to the matter of business, and some mean words are dropped, and then everypony's up in arms.” Caboose explained.

“Now that you mention it, Caboose does have a point.” Zugzwang admitted.

"Ooka maga callor." Kong declared.

"Mr Barrel does think there is a pattern to these proceedings." The translator remarked.

“Yeah. I still remember that time Crowe lopped off one of Kamikaze’s bodyguard’s hoof with that katana of his?” Zebediah shuddered.

“I was aiming for his head.” Crowe deadpanned.

“Are we really that predictable?” Kamikaze asked.

“Ah-huh.” Caboose nodded. “The translator is lucky to have made it this far.”

“What do you mean by that?” The translator asked, fear in his voice.

“I mean, at this time, the translator always dies. Why you think Kong gets a new one every so often? In fact...” Caboose pointed to a stain on the roof. “There’s still remains of the last translator who accompanied Kong here.”

“Oh yeah... I was wondering what that was.” Crowe mused.

“I wasn’t.” Vinyl frowned.

“This isn’t true, sir, is it?” The translator turned to Kong, desperate for an answer.

Kong paused... only to give a shrug. “Meh.”

“Oh Faust...” The translator shuddered.

"Look, the thing is, no matter how many times we have this stand-off, everypony always make up in the end." Caboose smiled. "Come on, guys. We're all friends here, or at least frenemies I think. Let's just put away our weapons and hug it out."

The dons paused for a moment... before Crowe chuckled.

"Well, look at you, all grown up and makin’ sense. I can’t argue with logic like that." Crowe chuckled, as he put down his crossbow.

"You think we'd learn by now..." Zebediah sighed.

Kong put down his weapon. “Bala tero gunba syta.”

"Mr. Barrel wishes to apologise for his reprehensible behavior." The translator told Sonny.

"Fair enough." Sonny shrugged. "Just don't let it happen again."

"As long as nopony sends me to jail, I'm good." Kamikaze said petulantly.

"I suppose I may have gone too far in my work..." Zugzwang admitted. "Grimoire, I apologize for any undue pain I caused you and your wife."

"I'm afraid an apology is insufficient." Grimoire said coldly. "Not after what you did."

"My beloved Zou was killed by your 'pet'." Zecora growled. "I shall never forgive, nor forget."

"With all due respect, what more do you want from me?" Zugzwang asked indignantly. "Not to be blunt, but what's done is done. None of us can turn back the clock, you know."

"We're all aware of that." Grimoire growled. "All the same, I don't think I can work with you any more. Consider our alliance with the Hindian mafia terminated."

"Grim, don't!" Zgzwang begged. "Surely we can work things-"

Zugzwang was cut off as suddenly, Caboose had slipped behind him and slammed his face into the table.

"OW!" Zugzwang yelled, clutching his face. “What the bu-”

Cuffs were then slapped onto the hooves cupping his bloody snout, as Caboose then declared.

"Zugzwang Marwari, I am placing you under arrest for illegal experimentation, reckless public endangerment, and growing a buttload of that pyrite peyote stuff... and your mane sucks."

“What?! You can’t do that!” Zugzwang gaped.

"I thought this meeting was supposed to be neutral!" Zebediah gaped.

"And besides, he doesn't have the right to just arrest somepony!" Crowe added.

“Well, technically he can. He does serve Celestia as a Guard, and those who work with the princess gets jurisdiction almost everywhere.” Grimiore explained.

“And we do have enough evidence to put you away for a long time.” Murray glared.

“But why would you do this?!” Zugzwang struggled against his cuffs. “Come on, Grim, we’re pals!”

“I’m sorry, Zug, but you went too far this time.” Grimiore declared. “It is one thing to do experiments and stuff, but to sic them on innocent ponies? That is just sick.”

“But Crowe does-” Zugzwang stammered.

“Only to meet an end.” Crowe growled. “My methods may not justify the means, but at least I have a good reason.”

"This... this is an outrage!" Zugzwang roared. “This will never hold up in court!”

"Tell it to the judge, pal." Caboose growled, as he dragged Zugzwang out of the room. “Princess Celestia will pick you apart like... like... something you would pick apart...”

“Come on, guys, help me!” Zugzwang called out to the other dons.

“Sorry, pal, you’re on your own.” Crowe slouched back.

"Gawa stura." Kong turned away.

"Mr Barrel never liked you, Mr Marwari." The translator declared.

"For once, I'm with Grimoire." Kamikaze shrugged. "I hope you enjoy prison as much as I did."

"I'd help you, but I don't really see what's in it for me." Zebediah shrugged. "And besides, your little pet terrorised my ancestral homeland, so I wouldn't help you even if there was a profit in it."

“No! NO!” Zugzwang screamed as he is dragged out of the room.

"Looks like there's some territory opening up after all." Murray declared, “With Zugzwang gone, by rule of mafiadom, his land is fair gain.”

"Which we'll all be splitting up amongst ourselves." Grimoire declared. "As allies and friends do."

"Now that's the spirit." Crowe grinned. "As long as you're around, Grim, I have a feeling the Bitalian Mafia will do just fine."

"As long as we have fine allies like you, we will." Grimoire smiled back.

'We managed to negotiate quite a fair trade in territories that day, among other things. Zecora had gained some unexpected closure over her past, and the rest of our significant others had gained a valuable insight into our business. Oddly enough, they didn't ask to sit in on our other meetings so much after that day..... but there was a small tragedy.'

Once the meeting drew to a close, the shield was shut off. As the dons made their way back to their carriages, Kong and his translator were last in line.

"I must admit, after what Caboose said, I was worried." The translator admitted. "I thought I was going to end up dead... but here I am, still ali-"

A safe suddenly dropped on the translator, killing him instantly.

"Gawa?" Kong looked up. A group of Pegasi floated above, looking sheepish.

"Sorry about that." The ringleader cringed. "We were delivering a new safe for Grimoire, when it... slipped."

"Good thing we're insured." One of his employees declared.

"Vep xeta..." Kong sighed. Roughly translated, it meant "Not again."

'Kong really did have the worst luck when it came to translators. But the meeting turned out okay for most of us, and the territory we gained from the deposed Zugzwang only helped strengthen our alliance. Suffice to say, it wasn't a day any of us would soon forget, and I doubt you will, too...'

A New Beginning

'Before we begin this next chapter, I feel I must give you due warning: Everything from this point on involves events that occur quite recently. To be perfectly honest, I am writing them more-or-less as they happen, so don't expect any of my usual comments between the lines. Now that's out of the way, let us begin with the tale of our family's big move to the Everfree Forest, following our original mansion's destruction at the hooves of Black Knight Paladin. I call this chapter simply...'

Chapter Fourteen: A New Beginning

After a month or so of construction, the new mansion was complete. The brothers, their mares, and their fellow dons (with the notable exception of Zugzwang) had gathered for a celebratory tour.

"Thank you all for coming." Grimoire smiled, as they all stood in the foyer. "After everything that's happened, it warms my heart to be surrounded by such good friends."

"No prob, Grim." Crowe grinned. "We heard about that mess with Black Knight."

"Too bad about your old place." Zebediah added. "It was a great little house."

"Kinda drafty, if you ask me." Kamikaze snorted. "But this place looks... adequate."

"Mau fer kaga." Kong declared. "Sre torb viki."

Kong's newest translator, a pale green Unicorn with a red mane, brown eyes, and a speaker Cutie mark, stepped forward.

"Mr. Barrel wishes to express his admiration for you all." He stated. "He knows it cannot have been easy to 'out' yourselves like that."

"Well, the fate of Equestria, and maybe even the world, was at stake." Murray shrugged. "That kind of thing is really bad for business."

"Not to mention we had a personal stake in all that." Salt added. "One of Black Knight's flunkies was the stallion who killed Anarchy."

"Whoa, really?" Crowe gaped. "Twitch?"

"Yep." Vinnie nodded. "In the middle of all that mess, we finally managed to get our hooves on him."

"What did you do with him?" Zebediah asked.

"Let's just say we put him away." Lars declared.

"Yeah, some place where he won't be causing any problems." Sonny added.

"What, you didn't kill him?" Kamikaze snorted. "Gettin' soft, are we?"

"Believe me, we wanted to." Grimoire said darkly. "But we decided on giving him a fate worse than death."

"It was my idea, actually." Caboose said proudly.

"A great idea, if you ask me." Daring smiled.

"Suit yourselves." Kamikaze sneered. "If it were me, I'd have sliced that jerk Twitch to ribbons."

"That's pretty much your answer to everything, isn't it?" Crowe frowned.

"And your point is?" Kamikaze shrugged.

"Anyway, let's begin the tour." Grimoire smiled.

"An excellent idea, my love." Zecora declared. "Let us start with the ground floor, then go above."

"Ger tok falma." Kong said suddenly.

"One moment, please." The translator told them. Lighting up his horn, he brought in a small cart from outside. "Mr. Barrel gets tired easily."

"I'll bet he does." Berry snorted, glancing at Kong's massive gut.

Kong struggled into the cart, then nodded to his translator.

"We're all set." The translator smiled.

The group started moving through the mansion, though Slot seemed to be lagging behind.

"Come on Slot, hurry it up." Vinyl urged. "I don't wanna miss anything!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Slot muttered, as he sped up slightly.

"As you can see, we had the builders try and make this new mansion as similar to the original as possible." Lars declared. "Note the faux-Roaman architecture."

"Nice." Crowe nodded. "Must've cost a pretty penny."

"Oh, we spared no expense." Grimoire declared. "This place isn't just a home, it's a homage to our ancestral abode."

"Oh, that is beautiful, right there." Zebediah gushed. "You're a beautiful stallion, my friend."

"Suck-up." Vinny said under his breath.

After looking through the ground floor, the group went up to the upper floor (the translator having to use every ounce of his magic to get Kong up the stairs). As they continued their tour, Slot suddenly noticed something.

"Wait a sec." He frowned. "Where are all the bedrooms? Instead of like, six bedrooms, there are only studies and washrooms and everything. Seriously, what up?"

"Well, we don't really need so many rooms." Grimoire declared.

"Yeah." Sonny nodded. "Grim and Zecora may be living here, but the rest of us are moving in with our gals, those of us who haven't already, that is."

"And I, for one, can't wait." Bon-Bon nuzzled him.

"It's part of our little sabbatical, remember?" Lars pointed out.

"Yeah, about that." Crowe chimed in. "Exactly how long is this 'sabbatical' going to last?"

"You've already been practically out of commission for the past couple of weeks." Zebediah pointed out. "Rumors are flying around about you guys throwing in the towel."

"If they are, I call dibs on Bitaly." Kamikaze smirked.

"Gla bef tuk." Kong growled.

"Mr Barrel says 'no dibs'." The translator declared.

"There's no need for concern." Grimoire declared. "We're still going to be active. Just... not as much as before. And we'll still be having our regular meetings."

"Oh, joy." Kamikaze scowled.

"Glad to hear it." Crowe smiled. "It'd be a shame to lose such fine mafiosoes. The world needs crooks like you guys."

"Oh, go on." Murray said humbly.

Slot scowled, still focusing on the lack of rooms. Vinyl looked on in concern.

After the tour was complete, the brothers bid farewell to their guests.

"Well, this was a ton of fun." Crowe admitted. "Good luck, guys... with everything."

"Thanks, Crowe." Grimoire smiled.

"Maybe you could give me the name of your builders?" Zebediah asked. "They did great work here, and I've been looking to spruce up the old homestead."

"It's 'Hammer & Saw Architects'." Salt told him. "34th street in south Roame. Tell 'em we sent you."

"Jeez, I cannot wait to get home." Kamikaze groaned. "No offense, but I've got better things to do than spend time in some backwoods countryside. Time I got back to civilisation..."

"Always a pleasure having you, Kami..." Sonny said sarcastically.

"Fee fau sinka gava." Kong declared.

"Mr Barrel... would like..." The translator wheezed, exhausted from dragging his boss everywhere. "...Would like to thank you again... for inviting him to..."

"You okay, pal?" Murray asked. "You don't look so good..."

"I'm fine..." The translator insisted. "I just need to catch my-agh!"

The stallion clutched his chest, and collapsed.

"Whoa!" Vinny yelped.

"Is he-?" Lyra gaped.

Redheart placed a hoof on the stallion's neck, checking for a pulse.

"He's dead." She diagnosed. "Of chronic exhaustion."

"Ho-hoh!" Kamikaze snorted. "Another one bites the dust, huh, Kong?"

Kong rolled his eyes irritably.

After bidding farewell to their guests, the brothers decided to stay the night, so they could hammer out how they were going to conduct business from then on.

"...It'll be tricky, conducting business from over here in Ponyville..." Sonny admitted.

"No kidding." Slot nodded. "And with our..." He stroked Redheart's pregnant belly. "...other commitments, we can't just go over to Bitaly willy-nilly."

"We're definitely going to have to appoint a few intermediaries." Lars declared. "Some of our most trusted operatives, like Big Guns, Carapace, and Gregory, for example."

"You think they'll be able to handle the responsibility?" Salt asked.

"They've never let us down in the past." Murray declared.

"Besides, it's better than nopony." Vinny pointed out.

"I'm sure they'll be able to handle things if we're unable to." Grimoire nodded.

"What do you think, Slot?" Caboose asked.

"Whatever." Slot huffed. "I think I'm gonna turn in. It's been a long day. That bed in the spare room better be comfy..."

Vinyl followed Slot out into the hall.

"You sure you're okay, Slot?" She asked.

"I'm fine." Slot huffed.

"It doesn't sound like you're fine." Vinyl observed.

"It's nothing, okay?" Slot growled, before catching himself. "I just... need a little alone time. Think you can give me that?"

"Okay, sure." Vinyl sighed. "But I'm here if you need me."

"I know." Slot gave her a half-hearted nuzzle. "See you tomorrow, babe."

"Yeah, see ya..." Vinyl sighed, as Slot walked away.

The next morning, everypony was eating breakfast. Slot was the last to arrive.

"Morning, Slot." Grimoire acknowledged him.

"Early start for you today, huh?" Murray playfully chided him. "Normally, we're lucky to see you up before noon."

"Knock it off, Murray." Slot scowled. "I'm not in the mood."

"Ooohhh." Vinny snorted. "Who rattled your cage?"

"I said I'm not in the mood." Slot growled.

"Lay off him, guys." Grimoire urged.

"Okay, whatever." Vinny shrugged.

"Let's talk about that coffer of money we brought with us." Salt declared. "I, for one, want to make sure we all get a fair share."

"Some of us need that money more than others." Vinny pointed out. "We don't all have cushy jobs running restaurants and working as teachers at some fancy school."

"Maybe, but we'll need it to buy some new homes for ourselves." Sonny countered.

"If you're passing out money, can I have some?" Caboose asked.

"No." Lars shook his head.

"But why?" Caboose pouted.

"Because you don't need it." Murray pointed out. "You've already got a life, and a well-paid job of your own."

"And your point is?" Caboose asked.

"If anypony shouldn't be getting that much money, it oughta be Slot." Vinny sneered. "He'd probably just gamble it away, like he did with that stash we picked up in Las Pegasus a few years back."

"Again with that." Slot growled. "Don't you idiots see there's more important things to worry about than money?"

"Seriously?" Salt scoffed. "What's poor little Slot worried about?"

"Everything, okay?!" Slot suddenly yelled.

"Say what?" Sonny asked.

"Unlike you guys, I don't want to move to Ponyville!" Slot bellowed. "Or live with some mare!"

"What?!" Vinyl gasped, shocked. "I-I thought-"

"No offense, babe." Slot apologized. "I love being with you, but... this place isn't my home. I can't live here, and nopony can make me!"

"Listen to you." Lars said contemptuously. "Throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child."

"Oh, yeah." Slot spat. "Is it really 'throwing a tantrum' if I'm the only one the least bit upset about how all our lives just took a massive detour? I was happy in Bitaly! Happy in our family home! But now it's gone, and my life is ruined!"

"You think you're the only one upset about this?" Grimoire asked. "We all are!"

"Even me, and I don't even live with you guys anymore!" Caboose added.

"But we're all coping." Grimoire continued. "I suggest you do the same, but I will not stand for you making a scene during the first use of my new kitchen."

"...Fine." Slot snarled, turning and leaving the kitchen.

"Slot!" Vinyl yelled.

"Let him go." May told her. "It's not like he's open to reason right now..."

"Honestly, he's the last of us I figured would lose it like that." Murray added.

"Ah, he's just pitching another fit." Salt shrugged. "Give him some time, and he'll cool off."

"He always does." Sonny added.

"I hope you're right..." Vinyl frowned.

"Of course we are." Vinny smirked. "We're his brothers, aren't we?"

"Just give him a little space." Sonny told Vinyl earnestly. "Slot's temper flares easily, but it always simmers down eventually."

"If you say so..." Vinyl sighed.

However, it turned out it wasn't as simple as that. Slot spent all day avoiding everypony. The next day, when they were all preparing to leave, Vinyl suddenly rushed into the foyer, distraught.

"Guys, there's trouble!" She yelled. "Slot, he... he..."

"He what?" Daring asked. "Come on, girl, out with it!"

"He's gone!" Vinyl yelled. "I was looking in the spare room, and I found this." She brought out a piece of paper.

"What th-?" Grimoire frowned, examining the writing. "'Dear guys, I can't take this any more. I'm going home.'"

"Oh, jeez." Murray shook his head. "You don't think he's..."

"No doubt." Salt nodded.

"He's done some stupid things before, but-" Lars said despairingly.

"He must be drunk." Vinny scowled.

"We'd better go get him." Sonny sighed.

"Oh, yeah!" Caboose cheered. "Road trip!"

"Sorry ladies, but we have a mess to sort out." Grimoire sighed.

"Sorry, May." Murray declared. "I know you wanted us to go back to Ponyville together..."

"It's alright, Murray." May smiled supportively. "I understand."

"We all do." Redheart grinned. "Family matters are important. We'll be fine, trust me."

"I always do." Salt declared.

"Don't be gone too long, though." Lyra told Lars.

"I won't." Lars smiled.

"You neither." Bon-Bon told Sonny. "I got this new recipe I'm dying for us to try together."

"Can't wait." Sonny chuckled.

"I'll keep a bottle held back for when you return." Berry told Vinny.

"Thanks, babe." Vinny grinned.

"Here, you go, running off again." Daring mock-chided Caboose. "I don't why I put up with this."

"Because you love me." Caboose kissed her.

"Oh yeah, that's right." Daring chuckled.

"Safe travels, my darling." Zecora told Grimoire. "I shall wait diligently for the doorbell to ring."

"Love you too, 'Cora." Grimoire kissed her.

"Just bring Slot back, okay?" Vinyl asked. "I miss that big lug."

"Oh, we will." Murray said confidently.

"Even if we have to drag him back here." Salt added.

"Napoleons... away!" Caboose yelled. Everypony stared at him. "...No? Just trying it on..."

One carriage ride later, the brothers landed in Roam.

"So, how are we going to find Slot?" Murray asked.

"Good question." Grimoire admitted. "We'll check in at the police station, ask Anous if his boys have seen anything."

"Good idea." Sonny smiled. "Since we got that pardon, it shouldn't be too much trouble to just go in and ask."

The brothers rushed over to the station.

"We'd like to see Sergeant Anous, please." Grimoire announced.

"Wish granted." Anous announced as he entered the room. He was getting on in years; he had a prominent gut, a heavily-lined face, and gray streaks in his mane. "Funny, I was about to drop you boys a line. I just got word that somepony's been spotted skulking around the ruins of your mansion."

"Really?" Salt asked.

"You don't think it's-" Lars started.

"Rubble thieves?" Caboose growled. "Lousy scum, trying to take some of our remaining pieces of mansion..."

"I was thinking more along the lines of Slot." Lars sighed.

"Thanks for the tip, Anous." Grimoire smiled. "We'll take it from here."

"Don't mention it." Anous nodded. "Good to see you again."

"Okay boys, let's move!" Caboose declared. "If we're fast, we can get to Slot and stop those rubble robbers!"

Pausing only to roll their eyes, the brothers set off to the site of their former home, only stopping once they were outside the ruins of their mansion.

"Oh, jeez..." Vinny frowned. "It's worse than I remember..."

"I suppose we didn't really have time to let it sink in before." Lars shrugged. "What with our injuries, and the fate of Equestria hanging in the balance."

"Hey, look!" Sonny pointed. "There he is!"

Not too far away, Slot sat in the charred remains of what was once the family room, swigging his way through a bottle of wine.

The brothers rushed over.

"There you are!" Caboose smiled. "You've had us worried sick!"

"Whatever." Slot belched.

"What is that swill you're drinking?" Vinny grimaced. "A Napoleon has no business sullying his lips with that garbage!"

"Forget the drink." Grimoire frowned. "Slot, what exactly do you think you're doing here?"

"Just leave me alone." Slot groaned.

"No can do, little bro." Salt declared. "We're family, remember?"

"Which means we're not going anywhere until you tell us what's up." Murray smiled.

"...Okay, fine." Slot sighed. "It's just... well... this!" He gestured all around them.

"The sky?" Caboose frowned.

"No, the mansion!" Slot yelled. "We lost our home, guys! The place we all grew up in!"

"We're aware of that." Lars frowned. "And we're moving on from it."

"And that's another thing." Slot frowned. "Everything's been changing ever since. You guys are all going your separate ways. How can we be a family when we're all living so far apart?"

"We'll manage." Sonny shrugged. "Most families do."

"Look, I... I don't if I can." Slot sighed. "I just handle the idea of not being close to where pop's ashes were scattered, and how I'll never get to wake up with my bros again..."

"Huh, didn't think you cared about that sort of thing." Murray remarked.

"Well I do, okay?" Slot yelled. "But that's not all. What if I can't fit in with this 'new life' thing? You know how I am. I stick out more than any of you, even Caboose. And if things go wrong, I won't have my brothers or anypony I know to turn to."

"I understand what you're feeling, Slot." Grimoire comforted him. "It can be a little overwhelming, making your own way in the world."

"It is." Slot sighed.

"But you know something?" Grimoire smiled. "While we may not be living under the same roof any more, we will always be there for each other, and we'll always make to visit each other, because love knows no distance."

"Okay, now you're starting to sound like a pansy." Slot chuckled lightly.

"And don't forget, you'll have Vinyl by your side." Grimoire continued. "And I'm sure that in time, you'll find others to call friends, and new interests to pursue. And before you know it, Vinyl's home will feel like your home too."

"You really think so?" Slot frowned.

"I know so." Grimoire said proudly. "Because you are Manslaughter Napoleon. You've never given up on anything before, so why start now?"

"I've been a real idiot, haven't I?" Slot grimaced.

"Not any more than usual." Lars joked.

"But we can't really blame you." Vinny sighed, glancing around the ruins of their former home. "We spent most of our lives here, and now it's gone."

"Yeah, those were some good times..." Murray reminisced.

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

The past...

The twelve-year-old Murray was performing his target practice in the back yard. He scored two bullseyes in a row.

"Booyah!" He whooped.

A quiet applause sounded from behind him. Murray turned to see Anarchy.

"Nice shooting, bro." Anarchy declared.

"Ah, it was nothing." Murray smiled.

"Don't ever say that." Anarchy told him. "That talent of yours is what makes you you. Don't ever take it for granted, you hear?"

"Okay, sure." Murray shrugged.

"Want a shooting match?" Anarchy asked. "I'm not as good as you, but I can give it my best... shot."

"I hope you shoot better than you joke, bro." Murray snickered.

"Just wait and see..." Anarchy chuckled.

The present...

"I see what you're getting at." Salt smiled. "Even the smallest of things seem like such happy memories."

Damn, who knew?
All the planes we flew
Good things we've been through
That I'll be standing right here talking to you

About another path
I know we loved to hit the road and laugh
But something told me that it wouldn't last
Had to switch up
Look at things different see the bigger picture
Those were the days
Hard work forever pays
Now I see you in a better place

The past...

A teenage Salt was in the gym, working on the punching bag. He had been punching it for an almost an hour, and was covered in sweat as a result. As he paused to take a breath, Bonnie came in.

"I brought you some cookies, dear." Bonnie smiled, carrying a plate full of them.

"Cookies?" Salt snorted. Seriously, mom? I'm working out here!"

"I remember you used to love these when your were little." Bonnie gushed. "And I'm sure it won't affect your precious regiment if you have just one..."

"Okay, fine." Salt shrugged. "Just one."

Salt grabbed one cookie, and took a bite.

"Mmm." He grinned. "Tastes as good as I remember. You've still got it, mom."

"Thanks, sweetheart." Bonnie chuckled. "Now you can get back to beating up that bag. I'll leave you a few cookies, just in case you want more."

"Thanks, mom." Salt smiled, as Bonnie set down the plate and left the room.

The present...

"Good old mom." Salt chuckled.

"Yeah..." Lars smiled. "But dad was no slouch in the parental support area, either..."

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

The past...

In Clyde's study, Lars had just finished completing the year's taxes.

"And... done." He declared, handing the finished papers over to Clyde.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, son." Clyde smiled, as he looked over the papers. "You crunch numbers like nopony I've ever known."

"Well, it isn't exactly top marksmanship, or knowing how to beat ponies up..." Lars said modestly.

"We all have our parts to play in this family." Clyde told him. "And you play yours well, son."

"Thanks, dad." Lars beamed.

The present...

"We sure did have some great times here." Sonny chuckled. "Especially when we were together..."

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

The past...

The family (pre-Caboose) sat in the dining room. Sonny emerged from the kitchen, carrying a glorious-looking cake.

"Ta-daaa!" He declared. "Double chocolate gateau, anypony?"

"Whoa." Slot gaped. "You made this?"

"Don't sound so surprised." Slot frowned, as he cut up the cake. "Okay, dig in, everypony!"

The family all started eating the cake.

"Oh, wow." Bonnie smiled. "You've outdone yourself, Sonny!"

"This is the tastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth." Anarchy grinned.

"Your best work yet." Grimoire agreed.

"A triumph." Lars agreed.

"Awesome!" Vinny grinned.

"Eh, not bad." Slot shrugged.

"Nice job, son." Clyde agreed.

"Thanks, everypony." Sonny gushed.

The present...

"Yeah, I made my first batch of wine here..." Vinny grinned.

First you both go out your way
And the vibe is feeling strong
And what's small turn to a friendship
A friendship turn into a bond
And that bond will never be broken
And the love will never get lost
And when brotherhood come first
Then the line will never be crossed

Established it on our own
When that line had to be drawn
And that line is what we reach
So remember me when I'm gone

The past...

After spending two days in the cellar, Vinny emerged with a bottle of wine.

"Here it is, guys!" He smiled. "Who wants to try it?"

The brothers looked at each other warily.

"Come on?" Vinny pleaded. "Anypony?"

"I'll try it." Grimoire stepped forward.

"That's the ticket." Vinny smiled, pouring Grimoire a glass. Grimoire downed the liquid. "Well?"

"It's... delicious." Grimoire declared.

"Wait, really?" Slot frowned. "Let me try!"

"And me!" Sonny added.

"Relax, guys, there's plenty for everypony." Vinny chuckled.

The present...

"Yeah, that was some great wine." Vinny chuckled.

"Okay, my turn for a flashback!" Caboose yelled.

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

The past...

The ten-year-old Caboose stood at the top of the main staircase, carrying a long tray, the front doors wide open.

"Cowabunga!" He whooped, sliding down the stairs on the tray.

Caboose slid down on the floor and skidded through the door. The tray struck a rock, and he was sent flying into a bush.

"Master Caboose, are you alright?" The gardener asked.

"Alright? I'm awesome!" Caboose cheered. "I wanna do that again!"

The present...

"Seriously?" Slot frowned. "That's your favorite memory about this place?"

"Hey, it was a great ride." Caboose chuckled. “And besides, I also have this other memory!”

The past...

The brothers and their mares were all gathered together. The mares had just come to terms with the Napoleons revealing their criminal lives to them, and Daring had just dropped another bombshell

"Caboose, you're going to be a father." Daring declared.

As the brothers and mares showed their surprise and joy at the news, Caboose's mind starting to go into overload at the implications of Daring's words.

'Me, a dad?' He thought. 'That means being at the birth, providing for the foal, playing with it, changing diapers, birthday parties taking it to school, its first Nightmare Night, being there for graduation, marriage, being a grandfather...'

Caboose's brain started racing over all the possibilities.

'So many milestones...' He thought. 'All for my little bundle of joy. I'll be there for all of them... This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me!'

"YEAH!" Caboose bellowed, raising his hooves to the air. "I'm going to be a dad! Woo-hoo! Alright! Oh, yeah! Whoot, whoot! Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm so hap-"

Caboose suddenly keeled over.

"Caboose.exe has encountered an error. Processing." He said, the monotone returning.

"Is he alright?" May asked Daring.

"He'll be fine." Daring smiled. "He just needs time to reboot."

The present...

"Oh, yeah." Vinny smirked. "I remember that."

"You were conked out all night!" Sonny nodded.

"It was the best time being conked out of my life." Caboose sighed happily.

"Well, I got plenty of great memories too." Slot declared. "And not quite as crazy..."

So let the light guide your way, yeah
Hold every memory as you go
And every road you take will always lead you home, home

The past...

The family were throwing a Slot a birthday party. The colt was in hismid-teens.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" The family cheered.

"Thanks, guys." Slot smiled. "This is great."

"It's your special day, little bro." Murray ruffled his mane. "You deserve it."

"Wait, there's somepony missing." Grimoire realized. "Where's..."

From out of nowhere, the five-year-old Caboose raced into the room, leaping on Slot's back.

"Happy birthday, big bro!" Caboose hugged Slot's neck. "I love you!"

"Yeah, thanks, squirt." Slot smiled. "Now could you ease up on the hug? You're choking me!"

"With love!" Caboose cheered.

"Seriously..." Slot started to gag. "I can't breathe..."

The present...

"Yes, the best memories are ones you share with those you love." Grimoire chuckled. "I remember this one night..."

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again
When I see you again
When I see you again

The past...

It was night in Bitaly. Grimoire was working on some documents when Sandy entered.

"Hi, Sandy." Grimoire sat up. "What's up?"

"A certain filly wants to say goodnight." Sandy smiled.

Dusty raced into the room, jumping into her father's arms.

"Night, daddy!" She giggled.

"Good night, my precious girl..." Grimoire kissed her on the forehead.

"Okay, little miss." Sandy chuckled. "You've said 'goodnight', now it's time for bed."

"Okay, mommy." Dusty yawned, climbing out of Grimoire's arms.

Grimoire watched them leave with a broad smile on his face.

The present...

"Such happy memories..." Grimoire sighed. "But we don't need a building to keep them alive, as long as we hold on to them in our hearts."

"Ready to go, Slot?" Murray asked.

"...Yeah." Slot nodded. "I think I am."

"This old place really did hold a lot of memories." Salt smiled.

"And a lot of special ponies." Lars added. "Anarchy..."

"Dad..." Murray grinned.

"And Sandy." Grimoire finished. "This was their home, too. And in their honor, we'll keep its memory alive just like we do theirs."

"We sure will." Caboose smiled.

"Come on, guys." Slot declared. "Let's go find our new homes."

"That's the spirit, bro." Vinny patted Slot on the back.

The brother departed from the ruins of their former home, their future in sight.

After returning to their new mansion, they packed for their new lives. They then travelled to the Ponyville train station, where they would bid farewell to Caboose, Sonny, Lars, and Vinny.

"You guys take care of yourselves, okay?" Salt urged.

"You know it." Vinny grinned.

"New horizons await us." Lars declared. "Though apprehensive, I know in my heart that this is the most apropos way to go."

"You took the words right out of my word." Caboose smiled.

"Bye, guys." Sonny smiled sadly.

"Good luck to you all." Grimoire declared.

"Come and visit soon." Murray told them.

"Sooner than soon." Slot added.

"Of course." Sonny chuckled. "We're family, aren't we?"

All too soon, the train arrived, and the four brothers departed for Canterlot. The others left the train station, and kept walking until they reached a crossroad.

"Guess this is it." Slot sighed. "See ya around, guys."

"Good luck." Murray sighed.

"Happy trails." Salt added.

"Don't forget, we'll always be family, no matter how far apart we are." Grimoire smiled.

As the four parted ways, Slot glanced back trying hard not to cry.

"You'll always be with me." He sniffed. "No matter how far apart we are, you'll always be in my heart."

Over time, the brothers settled into their new lives. Murray made a good showing of being May's bodyguard.

At one point, May was holding a press conference.

"...And that is all I have to say on the matter." May declared. "Any further questions?"

"Yes, madam mayor, if you would..." One stallion stepped forward.

Murray suddenly tackled him.

"Murray!" May yelled.

"He was brandishing a weapon!" Murray declared.

"You mean that pen?" May frowned.

The disgruntled stallion held aloft his pen.

"Whoops." Murray cringed.

Salt, when he wasn't training ponies to fight, was looking after the pregnant Redheart.

"Feel that kicking." He grinned, as he placed his hoof on her stomach. "This little guy's gonna be a real fighter."

"Or girl." Redheart pointed out.

"Or girl." Salt agreed, “But let’s not get him confused.”

"Of course not." Redheart chuckled. "It'd be bad for her."

"Oh, stop." Salt nudged her playfully.

In Canterlot, the other four brothers were doing well. They would often meet in the Blazin' Blues bar (which Vinny part-owned) to talk about things.

"So, how's the restaurant going?" Vinny asked.

"Just peachy." Sonny chuckled. "Bon-Bon's been giving me lots of great ideas."

"What can I say? We make a great team." Bon-Bon smiled.

"So do we." Lyra nuzzled Lars. "Our research into humans is really coming along."

"We've made some quite interesting discoveries." Lars declared.

"Found anything out about the rubble thieves?" Caboose asked.

"The what?" Daring frowned.

"It's a long story." Lars sighed.

"How about another round of drinks, honey?" Berry asked.

"Coming right up, babe." Vinny smiled.

Even Slot found his way, working as a roady for Vinyl's tours. One night, they sat in Vinyl's tour bus together.

"I'll admit, I was worried." Slot announced. "But this really wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I love my new life."

"Glad to hear it." Vinyl nuzzled him. "Nothing makes me happier than seeing my guy happy."

"And I love you, gorgeous." Slot grinned. "Can't believe I almost passed up spending every day with you..."

"We all do crazy things sometimes." Vinyl pointed out. "Good thing we've got family to point us in the right direction."

"Oh, yeah." Slot nodded. "And right now, I'm thinking we direct each other to bed."

"You read my mind." Vinyl chuckled.

'And that was the story of our family going more or less our separate ways. Though we're still dedicated to our organisation, we have other things to occupy our minds, like our beloved mares. The loss of our family home hit us all hard, especially Slot. But we all learned that it's not a house that makes a home, or a family. Home is where you're happy, and it's the bonds between us that make us a family. Those bonds will link me and my brothers together for as long as we live, and beyond.'

In the present, Grimoire finished writing up the chapter in his new study. As he lowered his quill, he looked over to one of the few items to have survived the destruction of the old mansion; A photograph of himself, his brothers, Sandy and a five-year-old Dusty.

"Ah, memories." He smiled, a tear dropping from his eye. "I'll never forget the good times we had in that old place, not as long as I have reminders like this..."

Author's Note

"See You Again" belongs to Whiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth.

A Don's Best Friend

In the study of his new mansion, Grimoire was writing out the latest chapter of his memoirs, saying the words out loud as he wrote them.

'The brief sabbatical the family took after the Crystal Sun incident was quite relaxing. I quickly grew to enjoy the peace and quiet it offered, not having all of my agents all over the place. No having to give out commands, no having to settle matters, and no more planning sessions. I was free to spend my time any way I wanted, especially if it involved my darling wife, Zecora. It turns out that Black Knight Paladin destroying our old mansion was really a blessing in disguise. With the construction of the new mansion, we all took on a new way of life. Though we still had connections to our Bitalian operatives, we had taken a back seat, and started to get a taste of regular lives, with regular, day-to-day things, like going for walks into the town, chatting with the neighbours, and (for me, at least), snuggling up with my darling wife at night. Honestly, it all seemed so perfect...'

The moment he wrote the last word aloud, it began to echo throughout the currently empty mansion.

“Uh, didn’t know we had an echo...” Grimoire frowned. "Hello?"

"Hello?" The word echoed down the halls.

"How are you?" Grimoire asked.

"How are you?" He was answered by his own question.

"I'm good." Grimoire declared. "Nice day, huh?"

"Nice day, huh?" The sentence repeated.

"Glad we could have this chat." Grimoire grinned.

"Glad we could have this chat." The echo returned.

"Not much of a conversationalist, are you?" Grimoire sighed, as he turned back to his memoir.

'On second thought, however, as I begin this chapter, I had come to realize that I was truly all alone in our new mansion. The servants were all out for the day, Zecora was visiting Twilight, and my other brothers were off doing their own things. I was on my own, with no company. It’s rather baffling, when you think about it... but since we’re on the topic of companies.....'

Chapter Fifteen: A Don's Best Friend

'When I was a colt, I'd always wanted a pet, but mom and dad were always against it. Their reasons were myriad: They didn't think I could handle it, they didn't want to pay for medical bills, and they didn't want it pooping everywhere. So I was left wanting. Many was the night I dreamt of what it would be like to have a pet... But over the years, the dream faded, and I was left with the thoughts of what might have been. But enough about that. Today... today...'

Grimoire had reached a snag. He was suffering from a particularly bad case of writer's block, being stuck as to what word to put next in his chapter.

"Ugh, who knew writing a book could be so hard?" He groaned, leaning back in his chair. "I need some air..."

Grimoire decided to go outside and talk a short walk through the surrounding area. Unfortunately, he neglected to take into account the number of unfriendly creatures in the forest. While the new mansion was protected by a magical forcefield that repelled the local wildlife, Grimoire wasn't so fortunate. His frustration with his writing stumble had caused him to take leave of his common sense.

Grimoire wandered through the forest, taking the beautiful sights of nature.

'What an amazing place.' He thought. 'I was right to have the mansion built here. I don't know why most ponies around here is afraid of the forest. It's so peaceful...'

Just as Grimoire was finishing his thought, a growling noise filled the air. He stopped, and looked around.

"Hello?"

To his left, a bush started rustling. Grimoire tensed himself, fearing the worst... when a small brown squirrel emerged. The squirrel was inexplicably carrying a balloon, which it blew up and shaped into a poodle, which it then offered to Grimoire.

"Uh... thanks." Grimoire said awkwardly.

The squirrel squeaked merrily.

Suddenly, a louder growl emanated from behind him. Grimoire about-faced only to be faced with a sight that was definitely not a balloon-toting squirrel.

Standing atop a nearby fallen tree was a Timberwolf. It was not a very big Timberwolf, but it was still a decent size, about half the height of a stallion (his head being up to the stallion’s chest), well-built, its body poised to attack, its teeth grinding together. It looked upon the don with eyes that could kill... and with sharp teeth that can kill.

"Oh, buck." Grimoire gulped. He forced a smile. "Hi there, little fella. You come here often?"

The Timberwolf barked loudly.

"Uh…” Grimiore began to sweat a bit. “Are you sure you don’t want the squirrel?”

Suddenly, a nut hit Grimoire on the head.

“Ow!” Grimm rubbed his head, glaring at the squirrel who was chattering angrily at him.

The Timberwolf then leaped down from the tree, and approached Grimm menacingly.

“Keep back..." Grimoire frowned, wishing he had thought to bring his crossbow, “I’m warning ya.”

The timberwolf only snorted in response.

With no other options, Grimoire unleashed a bolt of magic. Unfortunately, the Timberwolf dodged it with a simple side-step.

"Okay..." Grimoire blanched. “I can’t believe I’m doing this but...” With a whoop-whoop-whoop, Grimoire suddenly turned and ran back to the mansion, the Timberwolf darting off in hot pursuit. The Timberwolf's speed was something to behold; It almost caught up to Grimoire more than once, the Bitalian stallion feeling its rancid breath right behind him.

As he finally reached his destination, Grimoire passed through the invisible forcefield without a problem. But when the Timberwolf tried to follow, it collided with a wall of green energy, and bounced off it.

"How do ya like that?!" Grimoire breathlessly taunted the Timberwolf. "No pony meat for you, redwood rover!"

The Timberwolf placed a paw on the forcefield, getting a small zap in return. Undeterred, it growled at Grimoire one more, and started pacing around the perimeter.

"Fine, be that way." Grimoire scoffed. "But you're not getting in either way."

Grimoire hurried back into the mansion, while the Timberwolf continued its vigil.

A couple of hours later, Grimoire decided to check if the Timberwolf was still there. To his dismay, it was.

"Oh, come on." He cringed. "Don't you have anything better to do then try and make lunch out of a middle-aged stallion like me?"

"Rarrf!" The Timberwolf snapped its jaws.

“Please, why don’t you go and waste your time else-” Grimm trailed off as he glanced at the timberwolf, noticing something off about it.

The wolf was limping. Against his better judgment, he moved in for a closer look. The Timberwolf growled lightly, which was followed by ragged breathing. It looked like it was weak, tired, exhausted. Up close, Grimoire saw a crack in one of its hind legs. Of course, he hadn't had the time to notice all that when he was running from his life, but now, he was starting to feel something other than fear.

"You're hurting, aren't you?" You asked.

The Timberwolf growled in defense... but Grimoire could detect a bit of a whine in it.

"Poor thing." Grimoire sighed. "Suddenly, you don't seem like such a vicious killing machine..."

"Rrrrrrrr..." The Timberwolf growled irritably, as if its honor had been insulted. "Rr... rrr... rr..."

The Timberwolf suddenly collapsed. It struggled to get up, but couldn't. It let out a plaintive howl. Despite the fact that it had been chasing him not long ago, Grimoire felt a twinge of compassion for it. He knew he couldn't just leave it there to die.

"Oh, jeez..." He groaned. "I know I'm going to regret this..."

Using his magic, Grimoire shut of the forcefield. He pulled over a nearby wheelbarrow, then brought over some vines, wrapping them around the Timberwolf's mouth as a precaution. He gingerly eased the Timberwolf into the barrel. The beast snarled weakly.

"Easy." Grimoire patted its head lightly. "I'm trying to help you, here."

Grimoire pushed into the wheelbarrow into the mansion. Once inside, he looked through the medicine cabinet, which contained all of Zecora's natural remedies.

"Come on..." He frowned. "There's got to be something here..."

Grimoire picked up a bottle of green salve, which he had seen Zecora use to fix a crack in a tree.

"That might work." He shrugged.

Grimoire brought the bottle over to the Timberwolf.

"Okay, this may sting a little." He unscrewed the bottle. "Or not. I'm not sure if you Timberwolves feel pain like ponies do..."

Grimoire poured a generous amount of the salve over the Timberwolf's cracked hind leg. The salve was like glue, thickly covering the crack. The Timberwolf cocked his head quizzically. Tentatively, it put some weight on the leg, which quivered, but held up. The Timberwolf looked at Grimoire, an odd look on its face.

"There you go." Grimoire smiled. "Now, how about some water?"

Grimoire filled a bowl of water for the Timberwolf.

"Okay, now I'm going to remove the vines." He said warily. "Don't even think about biting me, okay?"

The Timberwolf stared at Grimoire indiscriminately as he slipped the vines off. Grimoire then gingerly nudged the bowl over. The Timberwolf leaned down, and stuck out a leafy tongue. It started lapping up the water.

"Okay." Grimoire nodded. "You just go and enjoy that..."

The Timberwolf finished the water, then stared intently at Grimoire.

"...What?" Grimoire frowned, leaning in by the smallest amount.

The Timberwolf leant its head forward, slightly nudging Grimoire.

"...You're welcome." Grimoire tentatively reached out and patted the Timberwolf's head. "Now, you just stay here until you feel better, okay?"

The Timberwolf lowered its head, curling up on the floor.

At that moment, Zecora returned home.

"I am here, my dear." She called, carrying bags full of supplies. "Forgive my lateness over passing over the welcome mat, I was just-" Zecora spotted the Timberwolf. "WHAT IS THAT?!"

"A Timberwolf." Grimoire shrugged. "What, you've never seen one before?"

"Of course I have, Grim." Zecora growled. "And I must ask, what are you doing with him?"

"The poor thing was hurt." Grimoire shrugged. "I couldn't just leave him out there."

"That you should." Zecora growled. "For it belongs out in the wood."

"But it could have died out there." Grimoire countered.

"Perhaps it would have been best." Zecora declared. "It's called 'survival of the fittest'."

"Excuse me?" Grimoire asked.

"It is dangerous to keep such a beast." Zecora declared. "Regardless of health, it must be returned to the east."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I won't be doing that." Grimoire growled. "This big fella needs help, and that's just what I'm going to give it to him."

"Fine, so be it." Zecora frowned. "On your head, this will sit."

"Look, I know this is pretty risky." Grimoire admitted. "I'll make a little enclosure for it, so it doesn't get out. Not that it'll matter. Poor thing's got a hurt leg."

"And what of when it heals?" Zecora asked. "Then it will make us into meals!"

"I don't think so." Grimoire looked at the Timberwolf. "There's something about this fella that I'm starting to trust."

"Grim, I admire your compassionate side." Zecora admitted. "I just hope it won't end up biting you in the hide."

That evening, Grimoire went to work on building the enclosure, which Zecora had insisted be made in the back yard, constructing a fenced-off area around the Timberwolf.

"Sorry about this, big fella." He apologized. "Just a precaution, you understand?"

The Timberwolf looked up from another bowl of water, its expression passive.

Grimoire completed the fence.

"Well, goodnight." He waved.

The Timberwolf tilted its head again, whining slightly.

Grimoire went upstairs to bed. Unfortunately, Zecora, still unpleased about having a Timberwolf in the house, was giving him the cold shoulder.

The next morning, Grimoire went down to check on the Timberwolf.

"Hey, big fella." He smiled, carrying two bowls. "I got you some more water. And a little plant food, in case you're hungry."

The Timberwolf struggled to stand, its hind leg still not completely healed.

"Easy there." Grimoire urged, placing the bowls down on the floor. "Don't push yourself. Just relax."

The Timberwolf sniffed the plant food for a moment, then started eating.

"That's it." Grimoire smiled. "Chow down."

Once the Timberwolf finished, it started to yawn.

"Little bored, huh?" Grimoire asked. "Maybe I can help with that."

Grimoire briefly exited the room, then came back with a plastic mop handle.

"How about a chew toy, big fella?" He offered.

The Timberwolf eagerly snapped up the handle in its jaw, chewing mightily.

"It's a little long, though." Grimoire mused. "Let me take it back, and cut it down to size."

"Rrr..." The Timberwolf growled, as Grimoire reached for it.

Grimoire stepped back a little, and the Timberwolf continued chewing. Grimoire tried reaching for the handle again and again, with the same results.

"Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr... Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr..." The Timberwolf growled in rhythm with Grimoire's movements.

"Okay, fine, keep it." Grimoire shrugged.

As Grimoire made to leave, he noticed the Timberwolf's appearance once more. He had once seen a picture of a Timberwolf, and saw some considerable differences between it and his guest. The Timberwolf before him seemed... rougher, its body covered in small scratches and gnarled wood, like a particularly old tree. And now that he thought about it, he recalled reading a snippet that said Timberwolves hunted in packs. But this one was alone.

That night, Grimoire got into bed with Zecora.

"I just realised something." He declared. "That Timberwolf seems kind of... old. And when I first ran into him, he was all by himself. They don't usually do that, do they?"

"Not often, I must say." Zecora admitted. "From what I can tell, the Timberwolf was most likely a former alpha who was thrown out of his pack after being ousted from his position one day. A younger, fitter pup would have ensured his time as alpha was up."

"Geez, really?" Grimoire frowned. "Poor thing..."

"Save your sympathy, my dear." Zecora frowned. "It is simply the way of things out here."

"I can relate." Grimoire frowned. "I always used to worry that I'd be ousted from my position as don by some young upstart. And that poor fella down there just lived my worst nightmare."

"If he was too old to protect his pack, than he deserves to suffer an attack." Zecora declared. "Unlike the world of organised crime, nature has its own reason and rhyme."

"Yeah, I guess so..." Grimoire sighed. "Good night, 'Cora."

"Good night." Zecora kissed him. "Sleep tight.

Over the next few days, Grimoire kept up the routine, bring the Timberwolf food and water every day. Over time, the Timberwolf showed more appreciation to its caregiver, and Grimoire gradually grew used to its presence, feeling proud that his guest was growing stronger every day. One afternoon, Grimoire brought the next serving. The Timberwolf barked in welcome, the well-chewed mop handle lying beside it, virtually forgotten.

"Happy to see me, big guy?" He asked. "Or is it the food?"

Grimoire set down the bowls, and the Timberwolf started eating.

"You know what you need?" Grimoire said suddenly. "A name. I can't just keep calling you 'big fella', can I? But what should it be?" He thought for a moment, and then it came to him. "Hey, how about 'Oakley', after my aunt Oakley? Boy, was she a wild one..."

The Timberwolf stuck out its leafy tongue, licking Grimoire's hoof.

"That sounds like a 'yes' to me." Grimoire chuckled. "Hey there, Oakley."

The Timberwolf barked lightly.

That night, Grimoire gave Zecora a progress report, including the christening.

"You gave it a name?!" Zecora yelled. "Are you insane?!"

"What's wrong with giving him a name?" Grimoire shrugged.

"Because you're growing attached to it." Zecora sighed. "One day, you'll let your guard down, and then you'll get bit."

"Not likely." Grimoire smirked. "I'm telling you, Oakley's really starting to warm up to me. He actually licked me today."

"More like tasting you." Zecora frowned. "He'd love some Grim stew..."

"You don't know him like I do." Grimoire retorted. "I'll admit, I used to think Timberwolves were vicious beast with terrible breath, but watching Oakley these past few days, I've realized that they're really noble and majestic creatures."

"You don't know them like I do." Zecora echoed his words. "They are savage curs, rabid beasts, destructive monsters. That much is true."

"Yeah, well I'm not seeing it." Grimoire said stubbornly. "Maybe if you spent some time around Oakley, you'd see for yourself."

"I am not going anywhere near that mutt." Zecora growled. "No ifs, ands, or even a but."

"Come on, 'Cora." Grimoire urged. "Just give him a chance. I'll be right beside you. It'll be fine."

"Very well, I'll do it." Zecora huffed. "But you'll be sorry if I get bit."

"Never gonna happen." Grimoire smiled. "Trust me."

The next morning, they went down to the enclosure, Zecora sticking close to Grimoire. As they entered, they saw that Oakley was walking, his wounded leg finally healed. Before they could react, Oakley leapt at Grimoire, pinning him to the floor.

"Grim!" Zecora gasped. "You beast, get off of-"

Grimoire's laughter cut Zecora off, for Oakley was licking Grimoire.

"It's okay, 'Cora!" Grimoire chuckled. "I'm fine! I told you Oakley liked me!"

"Either way, the beast is mended." Zecora declared. "Now he must return to the forest, as nature intended."

"But I-" Grimoire started.

"Your good deed is done." Zecora said firmly. "Now... to the forest, ‘Oakley’ must run."

"I don't know." Grimoire frowned. "He doesn't look quite back to peak health to me. Maybe he should stay a few more days..."

"The wild is where he belongs, Grim." Zecora retorted. "You must do what's best for him."

"I guess you're right." Grimoire sighed. "Come on, Oakley."

Grimoire led Oakley out of the mansion, to just beyond the boundary of the inactive forcefield.

"There it is." He said mournfully. "Your home. See ya around, big guy."

Oakley didn't budge an inch, despite his proximity to the forest. He showed no sign of wanting to leave.

"I don't think he wants to go back." Grimoire observed.

"But he must depart!" Zecora turned to Oakley. "Go! Get! Into the forest's heart!"

Oakley whined lightly, then nudged Grimoire.

"I think he wants to stay." Grimoire smiled, patting Oakley on the head.

"Absolutely not!" Zecora growled. "Don't make me give him wood rot!"

"Come on, dear." Grimoire pleaded. "You can see for yourself that he's harmless now!"

"But how can you be so sure, eh?" Zecora asked. "What of our foal, our baby? Can you trust that beast not to make it a feast?"

"Now you're just being paranoid." Grimoire said stubbornly. "Look at Oakley. He hasn't tried to eat me, or even you, since he came out of the enclosure. I think he's tame now."

"Oh, for the love of-" Zecora cringed exasperatedly.

"You're just a big ol' puppy now, aren't you?" Grimoire scratched Oakley behind the ear, causing him to pant loudly, and his leg to spasm. "And if you want to stay, who am I to argue?"

"Suit yourself." Zecora growled. "Feel free to risk your health. But if you think I will want anything to do with that cur, you have the wrong mare."

Zecora stomped back into the mansion, furious.

"Ah, don't mind her." Grimoire petted Oakley. "She'll come around."

Oakley barked jubilantly, and licked Grimoire again.

Over the next couple of days, Grimoire spent a lot of time with Oakley (to Zecora's dismay). At one point, he tried to teach him to fetch.

"Okay boy, go get it!" Grimoire flung a pinecone into the bushes outside the mansion.

"Arf!" Oakley leapt into the bushes after it, bringing back... a Unicorn servant, his horn in Oakley's mouth.

“Oh boy...” Grimoire blanched. “Oakley, drop it!”

Oakley did as he commanded, dropping the servant.

“Ugh, you got spit all over him.” Grimoire grimaced, before turning to the servant. “Sorry about that. We’ll have to work on Oakley's recognition skills...”

"I don't get paid enough for this." The servant sighed.

Later that very evening, Grimoire was sitting in the lounge, relaxing, when Oakley entered the room. Oakley walked over to Grimoire's chair, and curled up beside it. Grimoire stroked his head gently with his hoof. Zecora walked past the room, glanced at the scene, then turned away, scoffing.

"This nonsense has gone too far." Zecora muttered to herself. "Time to get some help ridding this house of this wolf of cedar..."

A couple of days later, Grimoire heard a knock at the door. He was surprised to see Murray, Salt and Slot there.

"Hey, guys." He smiled. "What brings you here?"

"I'm sorry to say this isn't a friendly visit, Grim." Murray declared.

"Pardon?" Grim frowned.

"We're here to talk about a certain new addition to this household." Salt added.

"And there it is." Slot frowned, as Oakley padded over to appraise the new arrivals. "Boy, Zecora wasn't kidding about it being ugly."

"Zecora?" Grimoire frowned, glancing at his wife, who was standing nearby.

"Forgive me, my boo." Zecora sighed. "I called in my brothers to talk some sense into you."

"Grim, what are you thinking?" Murray asked. "You can't just adopt a wild animal from out in the Forest!"

"To be honest, I think he adopted me." Grimoire petted Oakley fondly.

"Don't you know how savage Timberwolves are?" Salt added. "What if it’s just biding its time, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce?"

"You sound just like Zecora." Grimoire scoffed. "If Oakley wanted to attack me or Zecora, he would have done it by now."

"Yeah?" Slot snorted. "Well, what do you think'll happen if you're late with lunch? He probably won't hesitate to chow down on you."

"You don't know that." Grimoire retorted. "Oakley and I... we have a bond. I saved him, and earned his loyalty."

"He's not even a living thing!" Murray declared. "He's just a bunch of wood held together by some sort of backwoods magic!"

"No to mention he stinks like a swamp." Slot gagged.

"He can't help the way he smells." Grimoire frowned. "He's made out of moss and wood, what do you expect?"

"I bet it's thinking of eating us right now." Murray frowned.

“Hey, you don’t know that.” Grimoire defended. “I like to think Oakley is capable of equine thoughts, just like us.” He turned to Oakley, “Right, boy?”

'Exactly.' Oakley thought. 'Most ponies think they are the only creatures around this Forest capable of cogent thought. Just because I don't speak the way they do doesn't mean I am not as intelligent. I swear, it's as annoying as a termite in your tailbone... Especially those young whippersnappers... Darn kids, running around in my Forest, making all that noise when I'm trying to sleep... What are their parents teaching them, anyway?'

“Think about your kid, Grim.” Murray gestured to Zecora, “Do you honestly want this thing living in your house when the baby comes?”

“Not just his kid, what about mine?” Salt glared at the beast. “I do not want him in the delivery room, spawn camping my wife!”

“Now you are all just being ridiculous!” Grimoire scoffed. “They don’t allow animals in delivery rooms!”

“And what about the other kids? Pureblood, Vito, Hurricane, and Michael? Are you so confident in this beast that he won’t see them, especially little Mikey, as walking drumsticks?!” Slot asked.

"Alright, that's enough!" Grimoire yelled. "Do you think I'm stupid, or something? Because it sounds like you're saying I don't know when an animal's dangerous or not. You all trusted my judgment running the mafia, so why don't you trust it now?"

"Because this is a different thing entirely." Salt declared. "Running the mafia is different than keeping a savage, bloodthirsty beast in your house."

"He is not bloodthirsty!" Grimoire yelled.

"Okay, okay." Murray sighed. "Let's say for the sake of argument that Oakley isn't going to eat anypony. Do you really think you have what it takes to take care of a Timberwolf? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure it takes specialist knowledge."

"Well, I happen to know the address of a specialist." Grimoire shot back. "That Fluttershy mare Zecora told me about once knows about all sorts of animals. I'll bet she'll know how to properly care for a Timberwolf."

"You're really doing this, aren't you?" Slot cringed. "Have you gone senile, or something?"

"He's not that old, Slot." Salt prodded him. "Unfortunately, since senility would explain a lot about this..."

"Grimoire, please see sense." Zecora pleaded. "It would be a mistake to continue hence..."

"Zecora, I don't know what hurts the most." Grimoire said coldly. "The fact that you don't trust me, or that you went behind my back and tried to get my brothers to gang up on me."

"It was for your own good." Zecora tried to defend her actions. "It's not you I don't trust, but that wolf of wood. Especially with our child."

"Well, too bad." Grimoire frowned. "Because he's here to stay." He gestured to Oakley. "Come on, boy. We're going for a walk."

The brothers watched as Grimoire and Oakley left the mansion, Oakley throwing them a dirty look as he passed by.

"Somehow, I imagined that turning out better." Murray deadpanned.

"I don't get it." Slot shook his head. "What is wrong with him?"

"No clue." Salt shrugged. "Let's just hope he's right about that thing not being dangerous."

"Hope is a luxury I cannot afford." Zecora declared. "Grimoire must get rid of that walking board."

As angry as Grimoire was at his brothers' meddling, there were one suggestion of theirs he took to heart; Taking Oakley to a specialist. As they walked along the path to Fluttershy's cottage, the other animals ran from Oakley.

Grimoire knocked on the door.

"Hello?" Fluttershy opened the door.

"Hi." Grimoire smiled. "I hear you're good with animals. I need a little advice on taking care of a-"

At that point, Fluttershy spotted Oakley.

"Timberwolf!" She shrieked. She rushed back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

"Hello?" Grimoire knocked again. "I could really use your help here!"

"Go away!" Fluttershy yelled from behind the door. "Nopony's home!"

"Okay, so she's not a total animal specialist." Grimoire frowned. "Ah, who cares? I've got this anyway. Right, Oakley?"

"Ruff!" Oakley barked loudly.

"That's my boy." Grimoire chuckled, stroking him. "I don't need no specialist to take care of you."

For the next few days, things were calm. Zecora still wasn't pleased with Oakley's presence, refusing to even be in the same room with him, and insisting he be kept outside at night. Grimoire was angered by his wife's stubbornness, but decided to live with it, hoping she would come around eventually. However, it didn't look likely, as Zecora continued to avoid Oakley like the plague.

One afternoon, after making a run into Ponyville to pick up some quills, Grimoire returned to the mansion. He had left Oakley to play in the back yard, while Zecora had gone to the market. As he entered with a whistle, he suddenly found a crossbow pointed straight at his head.

"Sorry for dropping in unannounced, Grim."

“What the-” Grimoire turned... only to be faced with Zebediah. “Zeb? What the-what the buck is this?”

"Oh, not much." Zebediah shrugged. "We were just in the neighborhood, hoping we could speak with you..."

"We?" Grimoire frowned.

"Yeah, we."

From either side of Zebediah came two others. Grimoire recognized both of them.

The first of Zebediah's cohorts was a Unicorn stallion with a slicked-back, blonde mane, blue eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a sinister mask. His name was Rhys Purge.

“Long time no see, Grimbo.” Rhys smiled snidely. “It has been a while.”

“Oh, Faust, not you again.” Grimm groaned.

Rhys was from a mafia based in Blighty who had this idea for dealing with the crime rates of his country by inventing ‘The Purge’, a night of which all crimes would be legalized and no emergency services would be available. Rhys claimed it was for diminishing the unemployment and crime rates, however, many knew that it was just a psychotic idea coming from an equally psychotic pony. His idea tanked when he suggested it to his home government. Grimoire couldn’t blame them, it sounded like an idea from a mediocre sci-fi horror movie, coming from a bunch of ponies who like to dress up in creepy masks and actually frolic around a house they were trying to break into one time.

Even after their ‘idea’ failed, Rhys continue to fight for it. Even going on to adopt the slogan ‘Let us purge’, much to everyone’s annoyance.

“I was hoping to drop by your place back in Bitaly, but then old Zebby here was kind enough to lead me to your new address.” Rhys sneered.

“Zeb...” Grim glared at Zebediah.

"Sorry." Zebediah shrugged.

“Hey, don’t forget about me.” The other pony stepped forth.

He was an orange Earth Pony stallion with a gray mane, brown eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a pair of tongs. His name was Tong, and he was a member of the Chineighse mafia (though not the same as that of Kong’s). While his Cutie Mark suggested a benign talent, it was actually a symbol of his signature move: using a pair of salad tongs to pluck out the eyes of his victims. It was because of this gruesome method of murder that Grimoire and his brothers often gave him a wide berth, not that it stopped him from crossing paths with them.

“Been a while, Grim boy.” Tong chuckled.

"Not long enough, Tong." Grimoire snarled. "What are you all doing in my home?!"

"Well, Grim, it’s simple…we're here to harvest you." Tong declared.

"'Harvest'?" Grimoire frowned.

“Looks like a certain don has not been keeping up with the times in mafiadom.” Rhys smiled sinisterly. “You, sir, have become a very valuable stallion…”

“Yeah, ever since you left on this ‘sabbatical’ of yours, you had become easy picking on the hit list.” Tong explained. “As of now, you are worth millions of bits, maybe a billion.”

“Millions?” Grimoire repeated... before he gave an annoyed look at Zeb. “So you are seriously betraying me for money again? Have you not learn your lesson the last time you did this?”

“I’m sorry, bro, but our base needs a new roof.” Zebediah sighed, “Don’t worry, we’re not going to kill you. We’re only going to take a few pieces of you.”

"You wouldn't believe how much a single leg of yours would get us." Tong grinned.

“Hey, I bet even locks of your mane goes for about a couple hundred bits a piece.” Zebediah smiled.

“None of you guys are going to get away with this!” Grimm glared, “My brothers-”

“Are off in town, far away from this isolated dump you call a mansion.” Rhys sneered. “You really should have picked a better spot to live.”

"Well, I..." Grimoire tried to come up with a witty retort, but came up empty. "I got nothing?"

“How about we take this to the dining room?” Tong gestured to said room, “Gives us more room to lob off his body parts.”

The trio dragged Grimoire into the kitchen. Outside, Oakley froze, as he peeked through the kitchen window, seeing his master led into the kitchen by three strangers

'What's this?' He frowned. 'This doesn't feel right...'

Soon, the three stallions had Grimm tied to a chair (with some rope that Tong brought), as the captors prepped their tools.

"So, how are we gonna do this?" Zebediah asked.

"I say we make it nice and simple." Rhys smirked.

"Because you're all about simple, aren't you, Rhys?" Grimoire snorted. "Like that 'Purge' plan of yours. Not just the plan but the execution. All the crimes you and your gang could commit under a ‘Purge’, and you could only think of murder."

"Hey, murder was the thing we did best." Rhys defended himself.

"Too bad you can't say the same about other things." Grimoire sneered. "From what I hear, you're not much of a 'lady killer' in bed... You don't have the right tools, they say."

Zebediah and Tong started laughing.

"Shut up!" Rhys yelled. "Just shut up!"

"Jeez, somepony's sensitive." Zebediah snickered.

“Let’s get this over with.” Tong pulled out his salad tongs.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this, Zeb.” Grimm sighed in frustration, “While I expect this from you... why those two?”

“Eh, they're the only guys who don't know me well enough to actually consider working with you.” Zebediah shrugged. “Sorry, pal, it’s nothing personal-”

“Just business, I know the drill.” Grimoire frowned. “Doesn’t make this situation any more feasible.”

“Don’t worry, Grim, I will be sure to only take parts you can live without. Maybe a ear or a tooth.” Zebediah gave a small smile, “Would it make you feel better if I do that dance thing and sing ‘Stuck In the Middle With You’ from Reservoir Diamond Dogs when I do it?”

“…A little.” Grimiore admitted.

“Okay then.” Zebediah pulls out a knife and was about to break into dance, “Let’s do this th-”

"Hold on." Rhys stopped Zebediah. "Why go through all the mess and trouble to take a couple chunks of flesh from this guy when we could just kill him and take his body back for an easy bil?”

“What?” Zebediah frowned.

“You do have a point, Rhys.” Tong smirked evilly. “I mean, I pull eyes out for a living, but I prefer to keep my kills clean.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Zebediah step between them. “We agreed that we would just take a ear, a leg, a couple of teeth and one of his nuts.”

“Erk.” Grimoire cringed, instinctively crossed his back legs in response to the last one.

“No, you said that.” Rhys pointed out. “Why settle for a measly one hundred thousand, when we can make ten times that much?!”

“Yeah, I mean, this operation was your idea.” Tong pointed his tongs at the zebra.

“He’s my friend, guys!” Zebediah protested. “I may be a back-stabber, but I don’t actually ‘stab’ ponies in the back! His brother died that way!”

"You got a problem?" Rhys snarled. "Then you can die with him!"

Zebediah clammed up, his cowardice overriding his morals.

"Typical Zeb." Grimoire sighed. "No spine at all."

"So we're agreed, then?" Rhys smirked. "Full-on kill!"

"Just so long as I get to pluck out his eyes." Tong snapped his salad tongs menacingly. "It's kind of my thing."

"Let us purge!" Rhys repeated.

"Will you stop saying that all the time?" Zebediah cringed. "It's so annoying!"

"I agree." Tong nodded. "It was amusing at first, but got really old after a hundred more goes."

"Whatever." Rhys snorted. "Let's just do this, already."

"...Sorry, pal.” Zebediah sighed, as he pointed his crossbow at him.

"I don't blame you." Grimoire declared. "This is just who you are."

"If it's any consolation, I'll remember you fondly." Zebediah pledged.

"Enough talk." Tong growled. "Let's do this."

"Oh, yeah." Rhys smirked. "Pay dirt."

Suddenly, with a savage howl, Oakley jumped in from out of nowhere onto the table.

“HOLY BUCK!" The trio screamed.

"Atta boy, Oakley!" Grimoire cheered.

“What the buck is that?!” Tong gaped.

“Um, Grim? When did you get a dog?” Zebediah glanced at Grimm nervously.

"Not so long ago." Grimoire shrugged. "Picked him up from the local Timberwolf shelter."

Oakley leapt at Rhys and Tong.

"Take this, ya mutt!" Rhys blasted Oakley's leg to pieces, but the pieces reassembled themselves. "Oh, lord..."

Tong leapt on Oakley's back, trying to wrestle him.

"Where are your eyes?" He snapped his tongs. "I can't work with those glowy things!"

Oakley bucked Tong off, then pounced On Rhys, chomping down on his leg.

"AHHH!" Rhys yelled. "Make it stop, make it stop!"

"Sorry, I haven't taught him how to stop." Grimoire sneered.

With a loud snap, Oakley broke Rhys' leg.

"YAAAHHH!" Rhys yelled.

Satisfied, Oakley turned to Tong, and leapt on him.

“Zebediah, help me!” Tong begged, trying to push the wolf off him, but to no avail.

Zebediah glanced at the wolf nervously, as Oakley then glared at him.

“Go ahead, Zeb.” Grim sneered, “Try to help him. Let’s see how that turns out.”

Zebediah stood there for a moment.

"To quote a famous song, ‘Buck This Slop, I’m Out’." He declared, before turning and running out the front door.

"Hey, get back here!" Rhys yelled.

"You utter coward!" Tong ranted. "The next time we meet, your eyeballs are mine!"

"Ta-ta, Zeb." Grimoire smirked. "See you at the next meeting."

Oakley dragged the injured Tong over to Grimoire, dropping him at his hooves.

"Good boy." Grimoire patted Oakley on the head.

Not long after, Zecora came home to find Grimoire in the kitchen, holding the two mafiosos at bow-point on a table, Oakley at his side.

"Grim..." Zecora gaped. "What is going on here? Please tell me, my dear."

“Oh, nothing much. Our old friend Zeb tried to use me to make a quick buck with these two, got cold hooves, these two wanted to kill me instead... nothing new really.” Grimoire shrugged.

"I see." Zecora frowned. "But it seems bad to me."

“It all turned out well in the end.” Grimm smiled. “Besides, I've dealt with worse in my time.”

Rhys tried to reach for his crossbow, but Grimoire grabbed his head, and slammed it against the table.

"Try that again, and I'll let Oakley break your other legs." He threatened.

Rhys stared at Grimoire over his bloody nose. Grimoire turned to his servants.

“See to it that these two are delivered to the boys in Bitaly and put in a deep pit.” Grimm ordered.

“Right away, sir.” The servants bowed as they made to drag the two off.

"You won't get away with this, Napoleon!" Rhys yelled. "I'll get out eventually, and when I do... Let us purge!"

"Oh, will you shut the buck up!" Tong roared.

Oakley growled as the two were taken away.

"I must say, I am glad you are okay." Zecora embraced her husband.

“I am too...” Grimoire smiled warmly, before turning to Oakley. “But if it wasn’t for good Oak here, I would be a strung up carcass right now.”

"Oakley... saved you?" Zecora gaped. "Can this be true?"

"It sure is." Grimoire smiled. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. Like I told you, he's a good pup."

Oakley looked at Zecora.

"I... thank you, Oakley." She gingerly placed a hoof on his snout. "I was wrong. This I now see."

Oakley licked Zecora.

"See that?" Grimoire chuckled. "He likes you!"

"I can tell." Zecora deadpanned, drool running down her face. "Now can we please do something about the smell?"

Once the others heard about how Oakley saved Grimoire, they warmed up to him considerably.

"He really saved Grim?" Murray smiled, patting Oakley on the head. "Guess he's not so bad, after all...."

"Took on two of the baddest crooks around." Salt whistled. "Not bad, for a hunk of wood."

"He still stinks so." Slot declared, earning a growl from Oakley. "Hey, that's a natural fact, pal. Don't get mad at me if you don't like the truth."

A few nights later, Grimoire finished writing up his latest chapter, already lying in bed with Zecora.

'It's funny, really. I had always wanted a pet. Heck, I would have settled for a goldfish if I had to. But it seems that fate brought one to me. Not only is Oakley a loyal companion, he’s also a good friend, a cuddler, and easily the best damn guard dog I could ever ask for. To think, I would never have met him if it weren't for a case of writer's block. This chapter would have gone very differently, or even gone at all, without him. And now, we have a new member added to our flock…'

His work finished, Grimoire placed his book and quill on the bedside table.

"There, all done." He smiled. "Good night, darling."

"Good night to you, my dear boo." Zecora kissed him.

"Good night, Oakley." Grimoire declared.

Oakley was curled up at the foot of their bed. He panted happily, before laying down his head to sleep.

Grimoire flicked off the bedside lamp.

'Who knew a Timberwolf could be a stallion's best friend?' He idly wondered to himself, just before he fell asleep.

'Who knew a pony could be a Timberwolf's best friend?' Oakley ponded, as he too fell asleep.

Changing Of The Guard (Part One)

'While things were cooling down around Ponyville, over in Canterlot, Caboose was facing an upheaval in his own life. What follows is the first in a three part story, as trying to tell it all in one would take more than a week to tell it properly, and I like to keep to a weekly schedule. Complied together from letters that Caboose sent to me over a period of a few weeks prior, with the permissions of those involved in this story, I shall regale you a tale of how my brother had to contend with a newcomer that would give him a run for his money. We'll start, as stories often do, at the beginning...'

Chapter Sixteen: Changing Of The Guard (Part One)

’Surely, anypony who had met my brother can tell you that he is of a unique variety. Make no mistake, Caboose is really the best as they come nowadays, a loyal and caring stallion to the end, but unfortunately, ‘uniqueness’ isn’t usually a quality that others sought out for a friend. Caboose always had problems making new friends, especially in the time of which he was sharing his brain with O’Malley, and even when he did make one, it rarely lasted longer than a month, let alone a week.’

‘Luckily, when Blueblood came into our life and Caboose was sent to Canterlot, Caboose had the luxury of befriending members of the royal family, and by some miracle, managed to not get on their bad sides or accidentally killed them in say, some freak badminton accident... but that’s another story.’

‘However, one pony that Caboose had really come to enjoy as a friend was none other than the captain of the Royal Guard, Ironclad Centurion Hooves... or Iron Hooves as ponies call him. Their friendship was a rocky start at first, due to Caboose repeating what Vinny said about cows, milk, and women, but soon, after bonding over Caboose spraying a trio of begrudged debutantes, the two hit it off as the best of friends. Not even O’Malley, who had tried to kill Iron during his final days, could break that bond. Iron Hooves always had Caboose's back, no matter what. He knew Caboose had a good heart, so he supported him in every way a Captain could. It certainly made Caboose’s job in fitting in the Royal Guard easier. It seemed like the two would serve together as brothers in arms forever...but alas, it had to come to an end. It all began one night, when Caboose and his family attended a party...’

Caboose and his family raced to the Royal Guard barracks, which was the venue for Captain Iron Hooves’s retirement party. Iron had held a long and distinguished career, involving such feats as fighting off Diamond Dogs solo, leading his troops in bringing down a rabid hydra, apprehending the members of a counterfeit jewel ring, and helping to protect the Crystal Empire from a Changeling invasion, to name a few. However, Iron couldn't deny that he wasn't in his prime any more. After the Crystal Sun incident, in which he considered one of his finest hours, he decided to retire, before some other monstrous tyrant tried to take over Equestria. As Iron's lieutenant, Caboose was determined not to be late.

"Come on guys, hurry up!" Caboose urged. "We don't want to miss the party!"

"Yay, party!" Michael cheered.

"Maybe we could have gotten here sooner if a certain somepony weren't so busy trying on her party dresses..." Daring glanced at Hurricane.

"So sue me for wanting to look nice for Captain Hooves's retirement." Hurricane pouted, her seafoam green party dress billowing in the wind.

"Are you sure it's Iron Hooves you want to look nice for?" Caboose smirked.

"Sure it is." Hurricane blushed lightly. "And if Gauntlet just happens to be there, he'll get to see me look nice too."

"I'm sure he'll be dazzled." Daring beamed.

"Thanks, mom." Hurricane grinned.

"Blushy Hurri!" Michael giggled.

"Zip it, Mikey." Hurricane pouted.

The family arrived at the barracks just in time. Several other members of the Royal Guard, along with their families, were also in attendance.

"Hey, Caboose!" Iron cheered, standing alongside his wife, Gusty, and Gauntlet. "Glad you could make it!"

"Like I'd ever miss this." Caboose smiled, hoof bumping Iron. "I love a good party, especially if it's for the best captain around."

"Thanks, Caboose." Iron smiled. "A party's just not the same without you."

"If you say so." Caboose chuckled. "So, if you're retiring, does that mean you're going to live in a retirement home?"

"Hoh-hoh, not even close." Iron Hooves chuckled. "I'm not that old, you know."

"So why are you ditching the ol' armor?" Daring asked.

"I just figured I'd had my time." Iron Hooves declared. "Better to quit while I'm ahead, and spend some more time with the family."

"And I couldn't be happier about it." Gusty kissed her husband on the cheek.

"Do you really have to go?" Caboose asked, suddenly morose. "The Royal Guard won't be the same without you. "

"You'll manage." Iron said firmly. "I have faith in all of you. Especially you, Caboose. I know you'll stick firm by your duty."

"Heh-heh, duty..." Caboose snickered, before righting himself. "You can count on me, Cap."

"I knew I would." Iron clapped a hoof on Caboose's shoulder.

"I'll miss you, though." Caboose sighed.

"And I'll miss you, old friend." Iron declared. "I've never known a pony quite like you."

"I don't why, but I get that a lot." Caboose shrugged.

Meanwhile, Gauntlet and Hurricane were having their own little talk.

"Hey, Hurri." Gauntlet grinned. "You look great."

"Thanks, G." Hurricane blushed.

"Blushy Hurri!" Michael giggled.

"You mind your sister, little fella." Daring admonished Michael, though trying not to smile in doing so. "Or there'll be no cake for you."

"Okay, mommy." Michael nodded.

"Thanks, mom." Hurricane smiled.

"No problem." Daring chuckled. "Now you two go and enjoy the party."

"Oh, we will." Hurricane smirked. "Come on, G. Let's hit the dance floor!"

"Right behind you." Gauntlet followed her eagerly.

As the party got under way, Caboose and his family made sure to enjoy every part of it. Caboose and Daring joined Hurricane and Gauntlet on the dance floor, while Michael stuffed his face with party snacks.

"Yummy!" He said through a mouthful of cheese and crackers.

As the evening neared its end, Iron took center stage, ready to make his retirement speech.

"First of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming. When I first became a member of the Royal Guard, I was just some green, wet behind the ears punk. It didn't look like I'd amount to much. But I kept at it, carrying out my duties, growing stronger every day, and loving every minute of it. Before I knew it, I had been made a Captain. That was the proudest day of my life, and I swore to always live up to the responsibilities of my position. That was so many years ago, but it seems like it all happened yesterday. Words cannot express how much I love this job, and how I will miss protecting and serving the citizens of Equestria." He smiled at his fellow Guards. "I want to let you all know how glad I was to be able to serve alongside my fellow Guards."

The Guards all cheered.

"The honor was all ours!"

"We're gonna miss ya, big guy!"

"Good luck!"

Iron gave them an indulgent grin.

"Though I will be leaving these hallowed halls, one day, my son will no doubt take on the mantle of a Royal Guardspony." He continued. "He will continue this family's grand tradition... and I don't think I could feel any prouder."

Gauntlet waved at his father, while Hurricane nudged him playfully.

"Rest assured, you will not be without leadership for long." Iron declared. "My successor will be coming to you in a few days' time. I trust he will provide you with the same leadership and support I did. In the meantime, I'm sure you can take care of yourselves. I know you will continue the proud service of Guardsponyship. I couldn't have asked for better comrades, and Equestria couldn't ask for better defenders. Once again, I thank you for everything."

The crowd cheered as Iron stepped down from the podium. Soon after, the party came to an end, and the partygoers returned home. Caboose held off for a moment to talk to Iron.

"Whoever the new guy is, he'll never be the Captain you were." He smiled.

"Don't be so sure." Iron said humbly. "Who knows? Maybe he'll be even better."

"I'll be the judge of that." Caboose declared. "Anyway, enjoy your retirement."

"I will." Iron grinned. "And you and your family are welcome to drop by any time."

"Thanks, Iron." Caboose beamed. "You're the best."

"So everypony keeps telling me." Iron chuckled.

"It's true, though." Caboose declared. "You were a great Captain."

"Oh, I was just doing my job." Iron said humbly. "And I did it because it was duty."

"Heh, duty..." Caboose snickered again.

"I'm going to miss working with you every day, Caboose." Iron clapped Caboose on the shoulder. "And I'm sure my replacement will enjoy working with you as much as I did."

"Here's hopin', right?" Caboose shrugged. "Well, I gotta go. The fam's waiting for me."

"Goodbye for now, my friend." Iron smiled.

"Yeah, bye..." Caboose hid a tear as he turned to leave. Iron's retirement had hit him harder than he let on. But he didn't want to ruin the party with his sadness. The night, of course, was about Iron.

"You okay, Caboose?" Daring asked.

"Yeah, I'm just fine..." Caboose sniffed.

"Daddy sad?" Michael asked.

"A little." Caboose shrugged.

"That's okay." Hurricane smiled. "You're allowed to be sad. Iron was a good friend."

"Thanks, hon." Caboose let a tear down his eye.

"There, there, dad." Hurricane smiled. "Keep your chin up."

"I'll try..." Caboose sighed.

A week or two later, Caboose was still sad that Iron was gone. Being a Royal Guard just didn't have the same enjoyment that it once did.

"I still can't believe he's gone." He told Daring, wistfully poking at his food. "Every day when I come into the barracks, I expect to see him there. It’s kinda hard to not miss a giant Pegasus like him shouting orders."

"I know it's hard, accepting that somepony like Iron isn't around that much anymore." Daring sympathised, as she brought Michael his breakfast. "But that's how life is. Sometimes, ponies just drift apart." She smiled lightly. "And sometimes, they come closer, like Hurricane and Gauntlet..."

"Blushy Hurri!" Michael giggled inbetween bites.

Speaking of which, Hurricane and Gauntlet were sitting on Hurricane's bed together. A couple of days ago, they had agreed that the time had come to take their relationship to the 'next level' (as in heavy makeout sessions, and other such romantic endeavours). However, they were having trouble putting the plan into action. Their relationship was still in its infancy, and they hadn't done much more than holding hooves and pecking each other on the cheek. Subconsciously, they were uncertain whether they could take it further.

"So..." Hurricane said nervously.

"Yeah..." Gauntlet gulped. "Guess we oughta get started..."

"Uh-huh." Hurricane chuckled weakly. "Wait, do I start, or should you?"

"I think we both should." Gauntlet shrugged.

"Okay..." Hurricane nodded.

They both made to put their hooves around each other, in gestures that interfered with the other.

"Sorry." They chorused.

After a couple more mistakes, they settled for placing their hooves together.

"Alright..." Gauntlet said, his voice cracking. "Phase two..."

"Yep." Hurricane squeaked.

They both leaned forward, hoping for a kiss. But they leaned forward too far and too fast, and wound up knocking their heads together.

"Ow!" Hurricane yelped.

"Yowch!" Gauntlet cringed.

They broke apart, nursing their heads.

"Well, that didn't work the way I thought it would." Hurricane rubbed her head.

"No kidding." Gauntlet groaned.

At that moment, Caboose entered the room.

"You kids playing nice up here?" He asked.

"'Course we are." Gauntlet nodded. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I'm gonna go get some ice..." Hurricane declared, rubbing her head.

After Hurricane left the room, Caboose turned to Gauntlet.

"Don't give up, kid." He smiled. "You'll get there soon enough."

"Uh, say what?" Gauntlet frowned.

"I know you guys are looking to go to the 'next level'." Caboose declared. "Hurricane told me."

"And... you're cool with that?" Gauntlet asked.

"Sure I am." Caboose sat beside Gauntlet, pulling a pipe from out of nowhere, as well as a pair of dorky-looking glasses, as he put on the glasses and chew on the pipe, "My little girl's growing up. She's exploring herself, and her feelings. And I can't think of a better stallion than you to help her along the way."

"Oh." Gauntlet nodded, nonplussed. "Thanks, I guess..."

"Don't mention it." Caboose chuckled. "And don't get discouraged by a couple of slip-ups. We've all been there. Some of us, more than others."

"Have you?" Gauntlet asked.

"More times than I can remember." Caboose chuckled. "The key is not to force it, let it happen naturally."

"Guess it's worth a shot." Gauntlet shrugged.

"That's the ticket." Caboose smiled, as he got up and left the room. "You two have fun, now…”

Not long after Caboose left, Hurricane returned, holding an ice pack to her head.

"So, shall we... try again?" She offered.

"Maybe another time." Gauntlet declared. "Don't want to rush it, y'know?"

"I guess." Hurricane shrugged. "I'll come by your place tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure." Gauntlet planted a kiss on Hurricane's cheek. "Until then..."

Hurricane watched as her coltfriend departed, a little perturbed by Gauntlet's sudden change of opinion.

The next day, in the Royal Guards' mess hall, Caboose sat down with his tray of food, still a bit downtrodden by Iron’s absence... however, the food was able to take his mind off it... but not for the reason one would think.

"Ah jeez, they undercooked the burrito again." He frowned. With a glow of his horn, the plate the burrito was on began to heat up, heating up the food along with it. "There we go, just a few more minutes."

As he focused his magic on heating his burrito, Caboose couldn’t help but overhear two of the other Guards talking at the table behind him.

"Did you hear about the new guy?" One asked.

"Oh, yeah." The other nodded. "Talk about hardcore."

"I heard he came from a Norhay military academy." The first retorted. "Those places are crazy brutal. Probably had him running with ten ton weights tied to his hooves."

"Please..." Caboose snorted under his breath, still continuing to heat the burrito. “Even I know you can’t run with ten tons. Maybe five tons. But not ten tons.”

"They say he graduated top of his class." The first Guard continued. "Got the highest grades in the academy's history, even..."

"I heard he's a whiz with a bow and arrow." The second remarked. "The things he can do with them... it's like he's one with the arrow."

"Whatever..." Caboose mumbled. He was trying to focus more on his burrito, and not feel intimidated by this new Captain's reputation.

Just then, another Guard raced into the mess hall.

"He's coming!" He yelled. "The new Captain's on his way here!"

"So he's here, at last..." Caboose frowned, still trying to focus on the burrito.

The other Guards went into a frenzy.

"Oh, buck!"

"He'll probably have our hides if he sees us just sitting around!"

"To the courtyard, quick!"

Every Guard in the room (save for Caboose) suddenly got up and raced out of the room. Caboose would’ve joined them, but his burrito hadn’t finished heating up.

“Come on... come on...” Caboose sweated as the burrito began to steam. “Anytime now...”

A delicious smelling waft of steam indicated that the burrito was done. Caboose quickly scooped it up and was about to make a dash to leave... when he suddenly came face to face with another pony.

The pony in question was a peach-colored young Earth Pony stallion with green eyes a three-toned brown, dark brown and amber mane, which was styled a tad messily in the front, but roached in the back, and a bow and arrow Cutie Mark. He stood about the same height as Caboose, maybe being a bit taller than him. His armor was of a different style to most of the Royal Guard; It was a duller gold, lacking the saddle, with a vaguely heart-shaped chest plate. He seemed to carry himself with a sense of professionalism and rigidness, belying his youthful appearance. He seemed to be in his early twenties at the latest.

"Um, hi." Caboose said awkwardly.

"Hello." The pony nodded. "I did not expect anypony to still be in here. They all seem to have made a beeline to the grounds.”

“Yeah…I was kinda in the middle of heating up my burrito.” Caboose shrugged, holding up said burrito.

“Ah, yes. I heard that they have a tendency to undercook the food.” The young stallion admitted.

“Yeah... um... and you might be?” Caboose murmured.

“Ah, right...” The stallion cleared his throat, “My name is Fletcher Ulysses. I am the new captain of the guard, succeeding a ‘Iron Hooves’.”

"Seriously?" Caboose gaped, looking him up and down. "You look a lot... younger than I was expecting."

"I guess I am at that." Fletcher shrugged.

"Well…I’m Caboose Napoleon." Caboose introduced himself, “Lieutenant of the-”

"Oh, I know who you are." Fletcher declared. "I've heard quite a lot about you, Mr. Napoleon."

"Really?" Caboose asked.

"Really." Fletcher nodded. "You know, for a criminal, you're not quite what I expected."

"…What's that supposed to-?" Caboose frowned.

"That's enough talk for now." Fletcher said sternly. "I would advise you get down to the courtyard with the others. You don't get paid to slack off, remember."

"...Yes, sir." Caboose murmured, still a bit off-put by his comment.

Caboose headed down to the courtyard (quickly devouring his burrito on the way there), where all the other Guards were gathered. Fletcher followed, taking his place in front of them all. Like Caboose, some of them were surprised by how young he was.

"That's the 'hardcore' new Captain?" One gaped.

"He's so young!" Another whispered.

"No kidding." A third noted. "I've got a kid who's older than him!"

"Greetings." Fletcher announced. "I am your new Captain, Fletcher Ulysses. I realize your former Captain, Iron Hooves, left some big horseshoes to fill, but make no mistake, I will fill them. I have some changes in mind that should hopefully better our ranks, so we won't be outdone by some of those newer divisions I've heard about, like the Crystal Empire's 'Project Synchro'." He took on a stern look, If we are not to be outdone, we must outdo them first."

"Whoa, this kid's got some big ideas." One Guard remarked.

"Can't believe we're supposed to be taking orders from him." Another added.

"Something you fellows would like to share with the group?" Fletcher asked them, his voice taking a rather cold tone to it.

"No, sir." The first Guard.

"Nothing at all, sir." The other cringed.

"Lieutenant Caboose, step forward." Fletcher said suddenly.

"Um, okay..." Caboose obeyed.

"Attack me." Fletcher ordered.

"...Pardon?" Caboose asked.

"Attack me." Fletcher repeated. "That's an order, soldier."

"If you say so..." Caboose shrugged.

Caboose swung his hoof at Fletcher, but he effortlessly caught it. In the blink of an eye, Fletcher twisted it, causing Caboose to freeze in pain.

"Yah!" Caboose yelped. “Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!”

Fletcher suddenly flipped Caboose onto the ground, then pinned him down, holding the hoof against his back.

"Whoa!" One Guard gasped. "Did you see that?"

"Face of a baby, hooves of a pro wrestler!" Another grinned.

"Kid's got moves, I'll give him that." A third noted.

"Too bad for the Lieutenant, huh?" A fourth sniggered.

"Disappointing." Fletcher shook his head. "From what I'd heard, I expected you to have better skills than this."

Caboose felt a pang of anger, as Fletcher let him back up.

"As you were, Lieutenant." He said curtly.

Trying hard to not to scowl, Caboose returned to the crowd. Fletcher continued his speech, but Caboose was too angry to listen.

'Who does that punk think he is, humiliating me like that?' He thought. 'Insulting my skills. And in front of everypony else, too...'

"This is my first command, and I don't intend for it to be my last." Fletcher announced. "I expect nothing short of excellence from you all. You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Anyone who acts otherwise, will answer to me. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir!" The Guards (save Caboose) answered.

"Good." Fletcher smiled. "You are dismissed. Go about your duties."

The Guards filed out of the courtyard. Caboose trudged out, still angry.

Meanwhile, Daring was shopping in the Canterlot market, with Michael in tow.

"Shopping boring." Michael yawned.

"Just try to hang in there, sweetie." Daring declared. "We'll be heading home soon."

"Not soon enough." Michael pouted.

Just above Michael, a small dove flew over, landing on a lamppost.

"Ooh, pretty birdy!" Michael squealed.

The dove peered at Michael, then flew off into the market.

"Come back, birdy!" Michael called, chasing after it.

"Michael, no!" Daring yelled. "No running off by yourself!"

Daring started to follow, but was weighed down by all her shopping bags.

Michael ran down the streets, his eyes locked on the dove. Suddenly, he bumped into something, or rather, somepony; A powder blue Unicorn mare with a two-towned dark and light blue mane, light purple eyes, and a cape made entirely out of feathers, tied around her neck with a purple jewel. Her Cutie Mark was of a dove with a magic wand in its beak.

"Sorry." Michael gulped.

"Well, hello." The mare smiled.

"H-hi." Michael quivered. He was a little nervous around strangers.

"Aren't you the cutest little colt?" The mare cooed.

"Nice lady..." Michael blushed. Suddenly, the dove he was chasing landed on the mare's waiting hoof. "Birdy!"

"Oh, you've met Dinah, have you?" The mare smiled, lowering her hoof. "Wanna say hello?"

"Hi, birdy." Michael smiled, gently patting Dinah on the head. The dove cooed in response.

"She likes you." The mare noted.

"I like her, too." Michael smiled.

"So, what's your name, cutie?" The mare asked.

"Michael." Michael smiled.

"Nice to meet you." The mare grinned. "I'm Dove."

"Like the birdy!" Michael grinned.

"Yeah, like the birdy." Dove nodded. "Speaking of, do you wanna see a trick?"

"...Okay!" Michael nodded.

Dove held up her other hoof. She waved it over the hoof holding Dinah, and the dove vanished.

"Awww...." Michael frowned. "Birdy gone?"

"Not quite." Dove smiled. "Say, you've got something in your ear..."

Dove mimed pulled something out of Michael's ear, holding it tightly in her hooves. She opened them up to reveal Dinah, who cooed loudly.

"Birdy!" Michael cheered. "How'd you get in my ear?"

"That's a little something called magic, Mike." Dove declared.

"Again, again!" Michael clapped.

At that point, Daring finally caught up with Michael.

"There you are." She told him sternly. "What did I tell about running off like that?"

"Sorry, mommy." Michael apologized.

"Thanks for keeping him in one place for me." Daring told Dove. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble."

"Not at all." Dove smiled. "He's the sweetest little colt I've ever seen!"

"Gotta love me!" Michael giggled.

"I'm Dove, by the way." Dove introduced herself.

"Daring." Daring nodded. "I haven't seen you around before. You new around here?"

"That I am." Dove nodded. "I just moved here with my fiancé."

"How nice for you." Daring smiled. "I settled down here with my own beau a few years back. It can be hard, fitting into a new home."

"Not if you meet the right ponies." Dove declared, turning to Michael. "Like this sweet little guy!"

"Thank you." Michael giggled.

"Such good manners." Dove grinned. "You've clearly done a good job of raising him."

"Well, I did have some practice." Daring said humbly. "I already had a daughter, Hurricane, before Michael was born."

"And I'll bet she's as precious as little Mikey is." Dove grinned.

"She has her moments." Daring grinned. "Say, would you like to get some coffee? I owe you for taking care of Michael."

"I'd love to." Dove nodded.

"There's this great little café, not far from here." Daring pointed. "Best lattes around."

"Can I get one of those big cookies, mommy?" Michael asked.

"Of course, sweetheart." Daring nodded.

"Yay!" Michael cheered.

The three ponies (plus Dinah) headed for the café.

Once they got their orders, Daring and Dove started talking. At the same time, Michael was eating his big cookie, periodically tossing crumbs to Dinah.

"So, you're a magician?" Daring asked.

"Illusionist." Dove declared. "A horn makes magic all too easy. Now, sleight of hoof is a real art. How about you? What do you do?"

"I used to be an explorer." Daring declared. "I traveled all over, saw all kinds of sights... until I met the stallion of my dreams, and settled down."

"Do you ever miss your old life?" Dove asked.

"Sometimes." Daring admitted. "But being a mother is an adventure in itself. Michael can be quite the little rascal you know."

"This sweet angel?" Dove pinched his cheek. "I don't believe it."

"Silly mommy." Michael grinned.

"Oh, trust me." Daring chuckled. "There's a wild dervish under that sweet face. And you don't want to get in his way."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Dove declared. "But I'll bet it's still a joy to raise him."

"On that, we agree." Daring chuckled, ruffling Michael's mane. "You're mommy's little colt, aren't you?"

"Yeah..." Michael giggled.

"Oh, I hope to one day be a mother." Dove sighed.

"I'm sure you'll be a great one." Daring grinned. "You already have such a way with kids..."

"Guess I do." Dove chuckled. "Speaking of, I could foalsit for you sometime, if you'd like."

"That would be great." Daring smiled. "As much as I love this little guy, it doesn't hurt to take a break from being a mom."

"Yay!" Michael cheered. "Miss Dove's gonna be my foalsitter!"

"I sure will, cutie." Dove pinched Michael's cheeks again.

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Fletcher called Caboose to his office.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Caboose asked.

"Yes, Lieutenant." Fletcher nodded. "I'd like you to join me on my rounds today."

"Me?" Caboose frowned. "Why?"

"Well, you do know the castle." Fletcher pointed out. "I still have yet to memorize the layout of the place, and I figured, as Lieutenant, it's practically your duty to join me."

"Heh-heh, duty..." Caboose snickered.

"Seriously, Lieutenant?" Fletcher frowned. "What are you, a six-year-old?"

"Hey, there's no age limit on comedy..." Caboose pouted.

"Come on, let's go." Fletcher sighed.

"Right behind you." Caboose murmured. "As far behind you as I can get..."

As they patrolled the halls, Caboose suddenly remembered something.

"When you said you'd heard a lot about me, what did you mean, sir?" Caboose asked.

"Well, there are quite a few stories flying around about you, Lieutenant." Fletcher declared. “Especially given recent events regarding your... ’family’.”

“Oh, you heard about that, huh?” Caboose cringed.

“But of course. It was all they would talk about back at the academy.” Fletcher explained. “To think, we had a family full of wanna-be ‘Robbin’ Hooves’ just a few countries over.”

“Wanna-bes? More like the Cosa Neighsa.” Caboose boasted... only to cringe at Fletcher’s hard glance, “I mean, we weren't that bad, sir.”

"I find that hard to believe." Fletcher growled. "Even putting aside your 'family business', there is much in your record I find unsettling."

“Like what?” Caboose frowned.

"Like how you blew up Prince Blueblood's room, just to get at a fly..." Fletcher pointed out.

"In my defence, it was quite a big fly." Caboose countered.

"Or the time when you actually took a chair to Princess Celestia's face." Fletcher said bluntly.

"I had a perfectly good reason for doing that." Caboose declared. "You see, what happened was-"

"And then there was the time when you apprehended a rogue by the name of Caballeron, and did not turn him over to the rest of the Guards." Fletcher frowned. "That would be a flagrant violation of conduct."

"Like anypony would miss a pony like that." Caboose snorted. “He went and beat off my hoof-tip!”

“Lieutenant... your hooftip is still the same as it was all those years ago.” Fletcher rolled his eyes.

"To the untrained eye, maybe..." Caboose frowned. "What's your point?"

"My point is that you tend to lean towards reckless and rash behaviour." Fletcher retorted. "it is most unbecoming in a stallion of your position."

"I wouldn't say 'reckless' exactly." Caboose frowned. "And I've never understood that 'rash behaviour' thing. How can a skin condition be used to describe what you're doing?"

"Not only that, but I heard about all the smaller antics you seem to repeatedly get up to." Fletcher continued. "Using your spear as a toothpick, letting your infant son play with your helmet, sleeping while on duty, talking to the wall or to the sky, breaking into a TV theme song..."

"Well of course it sounds bad if you say it all together." Caboose shrugged. "But I've done good work for Equestria as a Royal Guard. Not counting Caballeron, and all the small-time crooks I've taken in, I also helped end the menace of Ahuitzotl, risked my life to protect the Royal family from a rogue Thestral, and personally arrested Zugzwang Marwari, the notorious Hinian crime boss. And not forgetting that I made the Royal Guard half a mil bits from our recent charity auction. Heck, I helped stop Black Knight Paladin, you know. That's what got me the badge of honor!”

"And that means everypony has to ignore your shortcomings?" Fletcher glared contemptuously. "Well, guess again. Iron Hooves may have been willing to overlook your sloppy attitude, but not me.”

“Sloppy?!” Caboose gaped in anger, “Hey, wait just a min-”

“No.” Fletcher cut him off, “Iron bestowed me this position because he believed I was qualified to take his place. And I will uphold my duty as captain to make sure this squadron runs perfectly. I don't need anypony, especially you, causing trouble in my camp. I suggest you shape up, Lieutenant, or suffer the consequences. Do I make myself clear?"

"…Crystal, sir." Caboose said through gritted teeth.

“Good.” Fletcher nodded, “Now shall we finish the rounds?”

“Yes, sir.” Caboose stifled a growl as the two continued their patrol.

Later that afternoon, Caboose returned home. Daring was in high spirits.

"Hey, honey." She smiled. "I met the nicest mare today. She was so sweet, and Michael really liked her. We'll be going out for lunch together tomorrow. Hopefully, she can come by here, and you can meet her for yourself."

"Great..." Caboose frowned, barely listening.

"So, did you meet the new Captain yet?" Daring asked.

"Yeah, I did." Caboose growled.

"And?" Daring urged.

"And he was a total jerk!" Caboose yelled. "He called me 'sloppy'! Can you believe that? Ten years in the Royal Guard, and not once had anypony called me that! Can you believe the nerve of that guy?!"

"Well..." Daring frowned.

"Not to mention he humiliated in front of everypony else for no reason!" Caboose ranted. "If I didn't know better, I'd say he had it out for me..."

"Maybe you just got off on the wrong hoof." Daring suggested. "Maybe you'll patch things up tomorrow."

"Yeah, maybe..." Caboose frowned. “But I will tell you this much, I no longer feel sorry for that village my brothers and I accidentally set on fire back in Norhay.”

The next day, Caboose reported for duty with some trepidation. Part of him was hoping Daring was right and Fletcher would warm up to him. The other half was dreading how bad things could go this time. At first, things seemed fine. The Guards gathered in the courtyard, and Fletcher sent them on their assignments without much trouble. Fletcher didn’t even give him a second glance. But that didn't last...

As Caboose made his rounds, he across Fletcher yelling at one of the newer Royal Guards, a silver Pegasus named Quillblade, whose armor wasn't in the best of shape, being covered in scratches and dirt…

"What is wrong with you, soldier?" Fletcher growled. "Walking around in that tarnished armor?! We have codes of conduct!"

"But sir, I-" Quillblade trembled.

"But nothing." Fletcher cut him off. "One Royal Guard represents all the others. You dishonor our whole order, wearing your armor in such a state."

"It wasn't my fault, sir." Quillblade declared. "I was chasing a thief when I slipped and fell in mud."

"And it never occurred to you to wash up afterwards?" Fletcher snarled. "Have you no respect for your armor? For what it means? You slapdash, lazy-"

"Hey, knock it off!" Caboose suddenly stepped forward.

Fletcher paused mid-speech, as he then seethed at Caboose with fury in his eyes.

"Excuse me?" Fletcher glared.

"You heard me." Caboose glared back. "There's no need to be so mean. Quillblade isn't hurting anypony."

"He's hurting our reputation." Fletcher retorted.

"Still doesn't give you the right to yell at him." Caboose retorted. "Iron Hooves never got so worked up about this kind of thing."

"Well, I'm not Iron Hooves, am I?" Fletcher growled. "I have my own way of doing things."

"You mean like being a jerk to your subordinates?" Caboose snarled. "Wait, is 'subordinate' the right word?"

"Yes." Fletcher nodded.

"Huh, how about that." Caboose smiled, before returning to his tirade. "I almost want to cut you some slack because you're new. But there's no excuse for this."

"You forget your place, Lieutenant." Fletcher said coldly. "Don't forget that I'm still the Captain, and your superior in chain of command. Badge of honor or not, I will not tolerate your insolence."

"Yeah, well-" Caboose started.

"Well, what?" Fletcher dared him.

Caboose was nearing his boiling point, as a struggle raged inside his mind.

'Why, I oughta...'

'No, don't! You can't just mouth off to your captain like that!'

'Says who?'

'Says me, the rational side of your mind.'

'Really? Haven't heard from you in a while...'

'And who's fault is that?'

'Alright, don't get nasty...'

'Just don't do what you're thinking.'

'But this jerk needs a talking to!'

'That jerk is our superior officer. As in he could fire us. So don't do it.'

Caboose clenched his hooves... before unclenching them, and turning his face away in defeat.

"That's what I thought." Fletcher huffed. "Now, get back to your rounds, Lieutenant."

Scowling, Caboose turned and left.

”Stupid voice of reason.” Caboose growled in his head.

“And you." Fletcher turned to Quillblade. "Get that armor cleaned. And don't let this happen again. Understand?"

"Yes, sir." Quillblade gulped, rushing off to the barrack to clean his armor.

Back home, Caboose complained to Daring once more.

"The guy's got a stick up his butt, that's for sure." He growled. "All that over some dirty armor..."

"That does sound a little over the top." Daring admitted. "But the guy was made the new Captain for a reason, and it's probably a good one."

"Whatever it is, I'm not seeing it." Caboose pouted.

At that point, Hurricane entered the house.

"Hey, dad." She smiled, before registering his sour mood. "Whoa, what's up?"

"It's my new boss." Caboose sighed. "Fletcher. He's a real jerk."

"He is?" Hurricane asked.

"Oh, yeah." Caboose nodded. "He's bossy, mean, a neat freak... he's not fit to wear Iron Hooves' horseshoes."

"That's rough, dad." Hurricane acknowledged.

"Ah, but that's enough about me." Caboose shrugged. "How about you? How and you and Gauntlet doing?"

"Ehh, Gauntlet's been acting a little weird lately." Hurricane declared. "He keeps saying we should take things slow." Her face lit up with worry. "Maybe he's just not that into me anymore..."

"Of course he is." Caboose smiled. "That kid's crazy for you. Besides, it doesn't hurt to go slow." He whipped out the pipe again. "Sometimes, you gotta hang back and enjoy what you've got before you can move forward. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"I guess..." Hurricane smiled. "Thanks, dad."

"No prob, honey." Caboose grinned.

As Hurricane went off to her room, Daring glanced at Caboose's pipe.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're being such a great parent, but is the pipe really necessary?" Daring asked.

"Sure it is." Caboose grinned. "It really helps drive the 'supportive dad' thing home."

"If you say so." Daring rolled her eyes.

"Pipe daddy!" Michael squealed.

The next day, both Caboose and Fletcher were called in by Princess Celestia. When they met at the doors to the throne room, the two shared confrontational glares.

“Lieutenant.” Fletcher huffed.

“Captain.” Caboose huffed back.

"I'll be going first." Fletcher declared. "Highest rank, and all..."

"What happened to 'after you'?" Caboose snorted.

The two briefly struggled over the door. Caboose managed to push ahead... only to realise he didn't know whether to push or pull. As he deliberated, Fletcher stepped forward and pushed the door open.

"Oh, push..." Caboose realised. "I should've known."

As they entered the throne room, they both tried to reach the throne first. Fletcher had a headstart, but Caboose pushed ahead, winning by a nose. He threw Fletcher a triumphant smirk as they bowed.

"You sent for us, your highness?" Fletcher asked.

"Indeed I did, Captain Ulysses." Celestia nodded. "I would like for you and Lieutenant Napoleon to teach the Junior Guardspony session this afternoon."

"Both of us?" Caboose gulped. "Together?"

"With all due respect, your highness, I believe I would be better suited to train the Junior Guardsponies myself." Fletcher declared.

"Says you." Caboose muttered.

“Oh, I have no doubt in your training methods, captain.” Celestia nodded. “However, you are still new here, and the young ones had yet to meet you. I figure with a veteran such as Napoleon here, the first session would go by smoothly.”

"Again, will respect, I actually did a little teaching back at the academy with the first-year recruits." Fletcher added. "I am more than qualified for a solo effort."

"Well then, think how much more could be taught with the two of you." Celestia smiled, “Caboose here happens to be excellent with the students. His easygoing, lighthearted personality makes him quite relatable to the young ones, ensuring that they'll listen to what he has to say.”

"But I-" Fletcher started.

"Is there a problem, Captain?" Celestia asked.

"...No, your highness." Fletcher sighed.

"Excellent." Celestia smiled. "You are dismissed."

Caboose and Fletcher both walked out into the corridor.

"Well, guess we're partners." Caboose shrugged.

"Just follow my lead." Fletcher growled. "I don't want any of those kids picking up any of your so-called 'skills'."

“Hey, those kids love me.” Caboose glared.

"Only because you are one." Fletcher sneered.

Caboose mind was a debate group once more.

'That lousy-'

'Easy there.'

'No, not this time! This time, I'm gonna-Ow! Did you just stick me with... a... needle...?'

'Shhh, shh, shh, shh... Time to sleep now...'

Again, Caboose remained silent.

That afternoon, the Junior Guards stood out in the courtyard, Hurricane and Gauntlet among their number.

"What do you think they'll teach us this time?" Hurricane wondered.

"Maybe some more hoof-to-hoof combat styles." Gauntlet smiled.

"I hope it's more crossbow training!" A Unicorn colt grinned.

"Or maybe it's recon tactics." An Earth Pony colt suggested.

"Whatever it is, it's gonna be awesome." Gauntlet declared.

"No duh." Hurricane smirked.

Caboose came out first.

"Hi, kids." Caboose smiled. "It's me, Lieutenant Napoleon. I'll be one of your instructors today." He smiled even more widely as Hurricane waved at him. "Now, as I'm sure you've heard, Captain Iron Hooves retired, which means we have a new Captain..." He bite back the bile. "He'll be having a few words with you today, so allow me to introduce you to…" He stifled a sigh. “Captain Fletcher Ulysses.”

Fletcher stepped out, accompanied by another Guard, who was carrying a black case. The Junior Guardspony gaped, surprised at his youth.

"He's the Captain?" Gauntlet frowned. "He's gotta be what, nineteen?! How the heck does that work? My pa didn’t make captain till he was like, thirty!"

"Whoa." Hurricane gaped. She had heard a couple of things about the captain from her father, but never imagined that would be the face that was put to the stallion. It was perfectly angled, possessed boyish good looks, but at the same time held a strong, dignified expression. Hurricane couldn't take her eyes off him.

"Good afternoon, prospective future Guardsponies." Fletcher announced with a smile. "It does my heart good to see so many seeking the path of a Royal Guard. I know I was when I was about your age. My parents were blacksmiths, making all sorts of weapon for the Norhayan Armed Forces, and I, a fletcher.”

“A fletcher?” Gauntlet asked. “Like your name?”

“Indeed.” Fletcher nodded. “It’s what you call a pony who makes bows and arrows. After spending years working with my parents and watching the soldiers that came into our shop, I decided I wanted to be a soldier myself, and so I joined the Norhayan Military Academy. And through blood, sweat, and a few broken bones, I graduated at the top of my class. And under recommendations from Captain Iron, Prince Shining Armor, and Princess Celestia herself, I was called here to lead the Royal Guards.”

"Somepony's got connections." Caboose scoffed.

"Whoa!" One Junior Guard Pegasus gaped.

"Nice!" A Unicorn filly squeed.

“However, the academy taught me that it is not enough to dream of being a soldier. If one is to become a soldier, whether a Royal Guard, or a member of the Royal Defense Legion, one must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, and mysterious as the dark side of the moon.”

“What does that even mean?” Caboose frowned, “You sound like you’re trying to train them to fight the Hacks, or something.”

“I am explaining what it truly takes to become a soldier.” Fletcher declared.

“With requirements like that, you’ll be lucky to get a single new Guard out of this.” Caboose blanched. “They’re just kids, you know.”

“Who are going to become the next generations of defenders.” Fletcher explained, as he turned to the students. “Sure, it may seem daunting, but you all knew that right? With all the qualities I had specified and much more, you will one day learn skills vital for combat... such as this....."

Fletcher grabbed a spear from a nearby rack. With a small toss, he entered into spear throwing position, and after a second of aiming, he threw it at a target with fierce, hitting the bullseye. It hit it so hard that the tip poked through the wood of the target panel.

“Ooh.” The Juniors cooed in awe.

“Oh, I bet the dark evil forces are trembling in their shoes.” Caboose rolled his eyes.

“Save your awe, soldiers.” Fletcher smirked, “That was just a warm up.” He turned to the other Guard. "My case, please."

"Yes, sir." The Guard passed the case to Fletcher.

“Thank you.” Fletcher nodded, as he set the case down. He opened it, and pulled out of it a bow and quiver. The bow was a custom-built recurve bow, painted gold, with a solid black riser.

“A bow?” Caboose frowned, unimpressed. While bows were a commonplace weapon alongside crossbows, it was mainly a weapon for unicorns, as they were hard to use with just hooves. Some ponies choose to use their teeth, but it wasn't exactly comfortable.

“Watch and learn, children.” Fletcher nodded. With bow in hoof and quiver on back, Fletcher faced the target, and suddenly, leapt to his hindlegs. With swift and precise movements, Fletcher quickly reached for an arrow and nocked it on his bow, and less than a second later, pulled back and...

*SHING!*

The arrow flew across the courtyard. Not only did it hit the bottom of the spear’s shaft, it went right through it, splitting it down the middle, and embedding itself in the speartip below.

The Junior Guards gasped in awe.

"Wow, what a show-off." Caboose muttered.

However, Fletcher was not done. He twirled around like a ballerina, shooting at the other targets with blinding speed. He even performed trick shots for some, banking them off walls and other obstacles. Suddenly, he pointed to the a highest tower in the castle, which he had placed a target on earlier. He tensed his bow, aiming, then released. The bow flew straight upwards

"Buck, he's good." Caboose admitted grudgingly.

The Junior Guards cheered like mad.

"Awesome!" A Unicorn colt yelped.

"Incredible!" An Earth Pony filly applauded.

"Now you see. Once you master skills such as these is only then, will you be able to join our hallowed ranks." Fletcher continued, as he placed his bow back in the case. "It won't be easy, but nothing worth striving for ever is."

"Wow..." Hurricane gazed at Fletcher, entranced. "He's great, isn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess..." Gauntlet frowned. "In a show-offy, over the top kinda way."

"And so cute..." Hurricane said dreamily.

"Well, if you like that sort of-wait, what?!" Gauntlet spluttered.

Caboose hadn't heard Hurricane's words, but he could see her gazing intently at Fletcher.

”Oh, you gotta be buckin’ kidding me.” Caboose blanched. "Bad enough he's messing up my job. The last thing I need is for Hurricane to start admiring that jerk..."

'That is where we end this part of the story. As bad as things were at that point, Caboose's troubles were only just beginning, as you will see in the next chapter. Until then...'

Author's Note

Fletcher and Dove belong to Deviantart user Kilala97.

Changing Of The Guard (Part Two)

'As you can imagine, Caboose was not taking the new regime well at all. Fletcher's training methods, while effective, were tasking, and Caboose was struggling to keep up, which earned ever more disapproval from the new Captain. Things were only getting worse, which you shall see as we move onto our next chapter:'

Chapter Seventeen: Changing Of The Guard (Part Two)

The Royal Guard were gathered in the courtyard for practice. Fletcher had made it a requirement that they all learn how to use a bow (as that was his weapon of choice), which was understandably a problem for Caboose, who was more of a crossbow kind of pony.

"Come on, Lieutenant." Fletcher growled, as Caboose fumbled with the arrow. "It's not that difficult."

"Why are we doing this again?" Caboose asked, struggling to pull the bow. "I can do pretty much the same thing with a crossbow."

"That may be, but it doesn't hurt to expand your skill regarding weapons." Fletcher declared. "Besides, the bow and arrow are fine weapons, from a more elegant, civilized age."

As Caboose drew back the bow, his grip slipped, and the arrow soared wildly into the air.

"...Though I suppose elegance isn't really in your comfort zone." Fletcher said drily. "Keep at it."

Caboose grumbled to himself as he went to retrieve his arrow.

"Keep at it..." He muttered. "More like I'll keep... at... I got nothin'."

Caboose's resentment of Fletcher increased by the day. Everypony but him seemed to admire Fletcher. And it wasn't just his skills that were being admired. Caboose had noticed that wherever Fletcher went, his boyish good looks made him the interest of many mares...

"Hello, Captain Fletcher." A maid fawned over him. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

"It certainly is." Fletcher nodded, oblivious to the flirty look she gave him.

"Oh, Captain Fletcher, you are such a wonder." One of the female kitchen staff cooed.

"Well now, I wouldn't say 'wonder'..." Fletcher said humbly. "I do my job."

"And you do it so well..." A lady scribe swooned.

"Thank you." Fletcher smiled. "I do prefer to keep up the image of the Royal Guard."

"And what an image it is..." She sighed.

"Yes, it is." Fletcher nodded, the compliment going right over his head.

"Fletcher, have my foals!" One particularly lovestruck mare shrieked.

"I'm sorry, I don't do foalsitting." Fletcher apologised, oblivious.

The rest of the female staff gave him much the same treatment, but he seemed utterly ignorant of their attention. Even the royal females of the castle were entranced by him.

One morning, Fletcher was leading the Guards on the exercise grounds, with all the Princesses watching.

"My, what a... well-built stallion." Luna declared.

"No kidding..." Constell gaped.

"And I thought Blue was athletic..." Mist sighed, her pregnant belly practically scraping the floor as she kneeled down for a closer look.

"I knew choosing Ulysses to be the new Captain was a wise choice." Celestia smiled. "But I didn't know it would pay such... unexpected dividends..."

"Aw, yeah." Constell chuckled. "Just look at him out there, workin' those 'dividends'..."

"And working them well..." Mist smirked.

"What's going on out here?" Shine asked, as he, Blue, Luxury and Gothic emerged onto the balcony.

"Oh, we were just... observing the Royal Guards' exercise routine." Celestia said nervously.

"Yes, Captain Ulysses has really whipped them into shape, hasn't he?" Luna chuckled.

"I still don't get why you hired that guy, cherryblossom." Shine frowned. "I mean, he's a little young to be a Captain, isn't he?"

"What's age got to do with it?" Mist asked. "Besides, a young Captain can get more done than an old one..."

"Iron may have been getting on in years, but he was a great Captain." Gothic declared. "He really knew how to connect with the troops. This guy's a little too... professional for my tastes."

"Not to mention he doesn't really have the 'look' for a captain." Luxury added.

"Yeah, that's a face that says 'male model' more than 'Captain'." Blue declared.

"He was brought here to do a job, and that's what he's doing." Celestia declared. "And doing well, I must say..."

"Well, I have heard only good things from the other Guards." Shine admitted.

"And he did come highly recommended." Gothic mused.

"They say he was the best at the Norhay academy." Blue recalled. "I guess if anypony had to replace Iron Hooves, he's better than nothing."

"And he is very good-looking." Luxury remarked. The other males glared at him. "Well, he is! No harm in stating the truth, is there?"

"I worry about you sometimes, Lux." Constell confessed.

Meanwhile, Hurricane had been working overtime to impress Fletcher. Ever since she laid her eyes on the handsome stallion, she knew that the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint him. While she already had great marks in the program already, she aimed to do even better.

At one point, on a break day, she brought Glinda and Strut Step to the castle (both of whom were visiting their coltfriends Vito and Pureblood), and they (along with an unimpressed Miracle) spied on Fletcher during one of his workout sessions (sans armor).

"This way." Hurricane whispered, leading them behind a bush.

"Why are we doing this, again?" Strut asked. "I just had my mane done, and I doubt going through a bush will do much for it."

"Trust me." Hurricane chuckled.

"About what?" Glinda asked.

"You'll see." Hurricane smirked.

"I'm sure we will." Miracle rolled her eyes.

"I'm so glad you talked me into this." Strut scowled, as a leave got caught in her mane. "It had better be worth it, or you're getting my mane bill..."

“Girls, allow me to introduce you to possibly the hottest stallion alive.” Hurricane gestured from their hiding spot.

The girls peered through a gap in the bush. Fletcher was in the middle of some push-ups, sweat pouring off his well toned body.

"Wow..." Strut Step gaped. "What a body. And coming from a professional model, that's saying something..."

"That's the new Captain of the Guard?" Glinda drooled. "Sign me up..."

“I told you so.” Hurricane smirked.

“Is that seriously how they make stallions in Norhay?” Strut asked, stupefied.

“Yeah. You would be lucky to get a changeling as good looking as that masterpiece in our battalion.” Glinda mused.

"Well, I don't get why you girls are going gaga over him." Miracle frowned, as she glanced at Strut and Glinda. “And shame on you two. What would Pureblood and Vito say if they see you eyeing this stallion?”

"...I guess V wouldn't like it at all." Glinda admitted guiltily.

"Neither would Pure..." Strut sighed.

“Lay off them, Mir.” Hurricane scolded. “You can’t blame them for enjoying the view.”

“Well, that’s just it. What’s so appealing?" Miracle asked. "He’s too old for any of us, and it's a little unseemly to be crushing on somepony so much older than you...”

“Uh-huh.” Hurricane deadpanned, as she then asked. “"Hey, is that Spike?"

"Spike?! Where, where?!" Miracle's face lit up as she looked around. The others laughed at her. "Very funny..."

"Hey, you try to scold us for spying on a hot guy, you get flak for pining after a twenty year old dragon. Don't be a hypocrite, Mir." Hurricane snorted.

"I'm not a hypocrite!" Miracle yelled, seconds before the others covered her mouth.

Fletcher halted his workout, turning towards the hedge. He glanced at it for a moment.

"Eh, probably just a bird." He shrugged, returning to his workout.

"Good job, Mir." Hurricane growled. "Almost ruined the show."

"You don't have to worry about that, because I'm outta here." Miracle frowned.

Miracle left, while the others continued ogling Fletcher.

To Caboose's dismay, Hurricane had become practically obsessed with Fletcher, who had seen fit to regularly train the Junior Guardsponies. Caboose had dropped in one of those sessions, and was greatly worried by how things were shaping up.

"Very impressive." Fletcher declared, as Hurricane shot an arrow a millimetre away from the bullseye.

"Thanks..." Hurricane blushed. "I've been practicing."

"You know, I was quite surprised when I saw your name on the roster and realized you were related to the Lieutenant." Fletcher smiled. "No offense, but your father can be..." He fished around his mind, looking for the nicest way to describe his opinion of Caboose. "...Eccentric at times."

"Yeah, he can be a little kooky sometimes." Hurricane admitted. "But he's a really great guy, don't you think?"

"I've... never met anypony quite like him." Fletcher declared, wanting to spare Hurricane's feelings. "And I've never known a recruit with such raw talent as you. Take it from a stallion who graduated at the top of his class, this is something you see in the higher class. Keep up the good work, and you'll probably become a real Royal Guard before you even know it."

"Oh, I will." Hurricane grinned. "You can count on me, Captain Ulysses.

"That's the kind of attitude I like to hear." Fletcher smirked, before attending to some other trainees.

"Did you hear that?" Hurricane sighed to Gauntlet, who was firing arrows next to her. "He thinks I'm impressive..."

"I heard." Gauntlet said bluntly. "So, er, you wanna grab a smoothie later? My treat."

"Yeah, sure." Hurricane shrugged, as she returned to target practice. "But later. Right now, I have improvements to make. Don't want to let the Captain down, you know?"

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that..." Gauntlet said sourly.

Unfortunately, Hurricane’s new devotion to bettering herself had left little time for her to spend with Gauntlet outside of the program. She would be late for dates (those that she hadn't declined in favour of training, that is), and Gauntlet was often forced to listen to her fangirling over Fletcher, completely unaware of how jealous it made him feel.

Caboose frowned from behind his hiding place. He didn't want Hurricane or Fletcher to know he was watching them. He knew Hurricane would rail at him for being overprotective, and Fletcher would probably bring him up on the charge of "spying on a superior officer."

"I don't believe this." He growled.

Caboose was especially annoyed at how Fletcher was being hero-worshipped by Hurricane. He toyed with the idea of telling her what kind of jerk Fletcher truly was, but he could never bring himself to discourage her like that. That, and it could end up making Hurricane resent him for trying to badmouth her ‘hero’. So he had no choice but to stand aside and watch as she continued fawning over him.

At Blazin' Blue's, Caboose was venting to Vinny, Sonny and Lars.

"Hurricane's practically bowing at Fletcher's hooves!" He yelled. "The guy's a jerk, yet everypony's treating him like he's Faust's gift to Royal Guarding!"

"That's rough, bro." Vinny sympathized.

"I know full well what it's like to have a more athletic, physically skilled stallion steal the spotlight." Lars growled.

"You and me both, bro." Sonny declared.

“It’s like nothing I seen before. Everywhere he goes, ponies practically worship at his hooves. All the other Guards think he's the best thing that's ever happened to the troop, and all the mares in the castle are drooling all over him! Even the princesses are fantasizing about this guy porking them. And we all know Shine is obviously hotter than him!”

The brothers looked at him in silence.

“I mean…” Caboose realized what he said. “He's more of a stallion than him.”

“Well, what can you do, ‘Boose?” Sonny shrugged. “The guy obviously got ‘it’.”

"Well, I'm not going to stand for this." Caboose snarled. "Time to find out just how 'perfect' Mr. Perfect really is..."

"Meaning?" Lars asked.

"Meaning I want you guys to go dig up some dirt on him." Caboose declared. "School records, criminal activity, ...if he so much as returned a library book late, I wanna know about it."

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Vinny held up his hooves. “I get it that you don’t like the guy and everything, but isn’t this a little extreme?”

“Yes.” Lars agreed. “From what I've heard, he's quite revered by everypony.”

“Exactly.” Sonny also agreed. “Surely you and Fletcher might be able to work something out if you only-”

At that point, Bon-Bon, Berry Punch, and Lyra entered the bar. They didn't notice the brothers, who sitting in a booth near the back.

"Did you see that new Captain?" Lyra asked. "What a hunk!"

"I'll say." Bon-Bon grinned. "He's yummier than a chocolate and honey parfait..."

"If he were a vintage wine, I'd drink him in one go..." Berry licked her lips.

The three brothers went mute with glares.

“This sonofvamule is going the buck down.” Vinny snarled.

"Without a doubt." Lars agreed.

"That is a stallion who needs to be taken down a peg or two." Sonny scowled.

A few days later, after reaching out to their contacts in Norhay who gathered and collated the necessary information for them, Vinny, Lars, and Sonny came to Caboose back at the bar with a file.

“So, you got something for me?” Caboose smiled.

“Well... you could say that.” Lars shrugged as he set down a file for him, the name ‘Ulysses, Fletcher’ written on it.

Caboose quickly and eagerly open it, hoping to finally have some satisfaction that the stallion that was ruining his life was any more of a stallion than he was…

Unfortunately, the file was empty.

"...There's nothing here." Caboose frowned.

"Exactly." Vinny nodded.

"What do you mean?" Caboose asked.

"He means that Fletcher is clean." Lars declared. "We couldn't find one speck of dirt on his record."

"No tax fraud, no petty stealing, no going joyriding with the academy carriages,... not so much as a late library book." Sonny announced.

"No, that can't be!" Caboose shook his head. "I mean, with all the attention the ladies are giving him, surely he must have made some husband mad!"

"'Fraid not." Sonny shrugged. "Either he's gay, or women doesn't interest him."

"Unbelievable!" Caboose groaned. "The guy's so perfect at everything! It's like he's some kind of... super-stallion!"

"Nopony's perfect." Vinny assured him. "I'll bet he's got some kind of shortcoming. Maybe in the physical department, if you catch my drift..." He smirked, pointing to his nether regions.

"Wait, you mean..." Caboose was puzzled for a moment, then realized what Vinny was getting at. "Oh! Oh!"

"Yep." Vinny grinned. "A little somethin' to look into."

"You want him to look at it?!" Sonny grimaced.

"Do you have any idea how many shades of wrong that is?" Lars frowned.

"It was just a suggestion." Vinny shrugged.

"Well, I'm not taking it." Caboose declared. "No way I'm looking at another stallion's ding-dong..."

"Suit yourself." Vinny shrugged.

"Either way, I guess you're just gonna have to lump it, 'Boose." Sonny sighed.

"There are always stallions out there who make the rest of us look mediocre in comparison." Lars declared. "It's just the way of things. Always somepony better, and all that."

"Gee, thanks, guys." Caboose frowned. "You really know how to make a stallion feel better."

The next days, the guards were in the showers, as Fletcher was whistling and scrubbing his mane under a steady stream of water... while Caboose was busy occupying the shower head next to him. Despite what he had said to Vinny, Caboose was struggling to fight the urge to look. His desire to find out something, anything Fletcher was lacking in quickly overrode his common sense. He peeked over at Fletcher, and... looked down at his groin, only for the sight to make him turn away and snarl in frustration.

"Oh buckin' Tartarus, are you serious?!" He griped.

"...What?" Fletcher glanced at him.

"Uh... um... I was just... making sure you're cleaning all over!" Caboose lied. "Yeah, there's nothing better than being spotless down below!"

"Thank you for the concern, Lieutenant." Fletcher said flatly. "But I could do without the inspection."

"Oh, sure." Caboose grinned. "No problem! Just looking out for my favorite Captain!"

"Of course..." Fletcher frowned, understandably disturbed.

Fletcher finished cleaning himself and walked out of the room.

"Geez." Caboose shook his head. "It's like nopony's ever looked at his winky before..."

A few days later, Caboose once again found himself paired up with Fletcher, this time as they patrolled the streets of Canterlot.

"Hi!" Caboose waved to ponies he knew. "Hello!"

"Lieutenant, please remain professional." Fletcher rolled his eyes. "We're here to protect the citizens of Canterlot, not socialize with them."

"Can't we do both?" Caboose asked.

"Not on my watch." Fletcher said sourly. "Now keep your eyes peeled. Trouble could arise at any moment..."

"Help! Thief!" A random mare yelled.

"How's that for timing?" Caboose smirked.

A skinny gray Earth Pony stallion with a black mane and matching overcoat raced down the streets, carrying a can.

"Stop!" Fletcher yelled as he and Caboose gave chase. "In the name of the Royal Guard!"

The thief kept running.

"I don't think he heard you." Caboose joked.

"This is not the time for jokes, Lieutenant!" Fletcher snarled. "Focus on the suspect!"

The thief barrelled through the streets, Caboose and Fletcher hot on his heels. The thief suddenly turned into an alleyway beside a small abandoned outlet store.

"Keep on him!" Fletcher ordered.

"I got a better idea." Caboose declared.

Taking a deep breath, Caboose leapt through the window of the old store, shattering it.

"What are you-Lieutenant!" Fletcher roared. "You're breaking protocol! Get back in line!"

Caboose ignored Fletcher's commands as he headed to the back of the store. He knew the layout of Canterlot quite well, and that the alleyway would led the thief to the rear of the store. As he kicked down the back door, he came face-to-face with the thief.

"Hi." He smirked.

The thief was shocked for a moment, then tensed up and jumped right over Caboose.

"Whoa." Caboose gaped, as he followed. "What is he, part grasshopper?"

The thief raced down the back streets of Canterlot, heading for a small shack. As he neared it, an explosion suddenly erupted beside him.

"What the-?!" He yelped, turning to see Caboose pointing a cannon. "Where did that come from?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Caboose grinned. "Now, stay put."

The thief tried to run again, but Caboose blasted the ground a few feet from him.

"Do we have a listening problem?" Caboose asked.

"Lieutenant!" Fletcher yelled, finally catching up. "What do you think you're doing?"

"What's it look like?" Caboose smirked. "Collaring the perp."

"While causing untold amounts of collateral damage." Fletcher scowled. "...And using a cannon is a gross overreaction."

"It got results, didn't it?" Caboose asked.

"It's not just results that matter." Fletcher growled. "It's performance. As a Royal Guard, you have a duty to not only follow the code of the law, but ensure that Canterlot is safe and protected."

"That's what I do." Caboose retorted.

"Oh, really?" Fletcher snorted. "And how does breaking into building and firing a cannon necessitate keeping Canterlot safe?"

"That building was empty." Caboose declared. "And I was only firing warning shots. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that, yet again, you are showing a flagrant disregard for conduct becoming a Royal Guard." Fletcher snarled.

"Oh, this again?" Caboose growled. "My 'conduct' is just fine. And I got the thief, which is more than you can say."

"By completely flying in the face of the regs!" Fletcher yelled.

"I don't fly!" Caboose spluttered. "I run!"

"That's not what I meant, you- wait!" Fletcher yelled, realizing the thief was taking advantage of their argument to try and get away. "He's making a run for it!"

"I'm on it." Caboose readied the cannon.

"No!" Fletcher knocked over the cannon. "We do this by the book! Come on!"

"Fine." Caboose grumbled, as he and Fletcher chased the thief.

The thief reached the shack, opening the door... then was grabbed by Fletcher.

"Gotcha!" Fletcher smirked, pulling the thief out. "You see, Lieutenant? This is how you catch a thief!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Caboose muttered.

"No!" The thief yelled. "You don't understand!"

"I understand that you broke the law." Fletcher growled. "And now it's time to take you in."

"Please, don't!" A voice from inside the shack called.

Caboose and Fletcher peered inside, finding a dishevelled mare, holding a young foal. The shack had clearly been done up to look like a home; a ragged mattress lay on one side, while an old cot sat on the other.

"What the..." Fletcher frowned.

At that moment, the can the thief had stolen dropped to the ground. It was a can of asparagus soup.

"Don't take my husband from me." The mare begged. "Not from our foal."

"Please." The thief begged. "I was only trying to feed my family."

"I don't care what you were trying to do." Fletcher said coldly. "Stealing is against the law, and you have to answer for it."

"Hold up a second." Caboose frowned. "Aren't you being a little... mean?"

"Mean?" Fletcher asked.

"The guy's not some criminal mastermind." Caboose declared. "He was just getting some food for his starving family. I say we let him go."

"Excuse me?" Fletcher growled. "Mastermind or not, he's still a criminal!"

"But he had a good reason to do it." Caboose pointed out. "Besides, we can't take him from his family."

"That's exactly what we're going to do." Fletcher shot back. "Good intentions or no, he still broke the law."

"Aw come on, have a heart." Caboose urged. "Can't we just forget we saw any of this and leave them be?"

"Are you suggesting that we, a pair of Royal Guards, overlook a felony?" Fletcher asked, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"Not exactly." Caboose shrugged. "More like... let it slip through the cracks."

"The law says we have to take him in!" Fletcher yelled.

"I know what the law says we would should do." Caboose retorted. "But sometimes, the law's just a piece of paper. There's right, and there's wrong, and in the middle, there's life. That's all they're trying to do: Live, and we have no right to prevent that."

Fletcher was silent for a moment. Then...

"A stirring speech, Lieutenant." He admitted. "But you're wrong. The law isn't just a piece of paper. It's a way of life. My way of life. All Royal Guards' way of life. Don't get me wrong, I feel for those ponies' situation, I really do. But we can't just pick and choose which parts of the law we follow, otherwise we'd be no better than common criminals. We must uphold the law, with no exceptions. We're taking him in."

"No, don't!" The stallion cried.

"Please stop!" The mare begged, as the foal started crying.

"You can't do that!" Caboose yelled horrified. "What's that poor mare supposed to do without her husband? And the foal..."

"There's a mare's shelter, barely two blocks from here." Fletcher pointed out. "I daresay it'll be better for them than this hovel."

"But her husband-" Caboose started.

"Will serve his time." Fletcher remarked. "It's only petty theft, so he'll probably just get a month or so. Hopefully, it'll be enough for him to learn his lesson."

"You can't do this!" Caboose yelled, as he picked up the stolen can, “Not over a can of soup that’s only…” He glances at the price of the soup, “Whoa, twelve bits? Men, they overcharge for this stuff.”

"Actually, I can." Fletcher retorted. "It is my duty as a Royal Guard."

Caboose was so outraged, he didn't even laugh at the word "duty."

"Yeah? Well, your duty stinks!" He yelled. "And so do you, you rotten-"

"Watch your tone, Lieutenant." Fletcher glared. "I'm still your commanding officer. If you have a problem with the way I do things, you had best keep it to yourself, because you are dangerously close to working my last nerve. Any more defiance will result in your immediate suspension. Understand?"

"...Yes, sir." Caboose growled.

"Good." Fletcher nodded. "Now, I'll take our thief down to the precinct, while you escort this poor mare to the shelter."

Fletcher dragged away the stallion.

"Please, I'm begging you!" The stallion yelled, struggling to break free.

"If you don't stop struggling, I'll add 'resisting arrest to your list of crimes." Fletcher threatened. "And you'll be put away for even longer."

Defeated, the stallion gave in, letting himself be taken away. The mare broke down into tears, embracing her similarly-distraught foal. Caboose, heartbroken himself, comforted her.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I'm so, so sorry..."

That wasn't strictly speaking true; Sorrow was just a part of what Caboose was feeling at the moment. He was also feeling a great surge of anger towards Fletcher.

That evening, he unloaded his problems onto Daring, telling her everything.

"He just took that poor guy in!" He yelled. "Took him away from his family, just like that! It was one of the worst things I've ever seen! And I've watched 'The Equine Centipede'!"

"That does sound pretty heartless." Daring admitted. "But he was right about having to uphold the law."

"You're taking his side?!" Caboose spluttered.

"Of course not." Daring assured. "I'm just trying to point out how he probably saw it."

"The poor mare was crying all the way to the shelter." Caboose growled. "It was one of the worst experiences of my life. And you know that's saying something..."

"Oh, honey..." Daring hugged her husband, trying to comfort her.

Caboose looked around.

"Where's Hurricane?" He asked.

"Still training, if you can believe it." Daring declared.

"And I know why." Caboose growled. "She wants to impress that muleface, Fletcher. She actually admires the jerk! If only she knew what he was really like..."

"It's important for a filly to have a role model." Daring pointed out.

"And until a while ago, that role model was me." Caboose sighed. "It feels like Fletcher is ruining everything I care about..."

Daring continued to comfort her husband, wanting more than anything to lift him out of his funk. Alas, no magic solution came to mind.

The next morning, while talking with Dove, Daring shared her concerns.

"My husband's having a really hard time right now." She revealed. "There's this other stallion at work, and from what I hear, he's really sticking it to him."

"I feel you, sister." Dove sighed. "My fiancé keeps complaining about some stallion who keeps getting out of line with him. It's totally stressing him out."

"Poor guy." Daring sighed. "Must be some real pig-headed jerk doing all that."

"That's what I'm told." Dove sighed. "But let's not get bogged down with stuff like that. How would you and your family like to come to dinner tonight? I know my amour would just love to meet you all."

"And I know my family would love to meet him." Daring smiled. "Let's do it."

"Great." Dove smiled. "Drop by around six."

"It's a date!" Daring grinned.

Later that night, the family came over to Dove's house; a small cottage on the outskirts of Canterlot. Alas, only Daring and Michael were happy to be there. Caboose was still a little sullen over Fletcher, and Hurricane had grudgingly come, much preferring to work on one of her training regiments more.

"Come on, you two." Daring told her husband and daughter. "Cheer up! We're going to dinner, not a funeral!"

"Sorry, honey." Caboose sighed. "I'm just... not in a dinnery mood tonight."

"And I've got better things to do than make nice with some stranger." Hurricane pouted.

"Not tonight, you don't." Daring said sternly. "We are going to have dinner with Dove and her fiancé." Her face brightened. "You're gonna love Dove, trust me."

"Yeah!" Michael cheered. "Dove nice!"

"Well, I guess if Mikey says it, it must be true." Hurricane admitted.

"Okay, let's get this over with." Caboose sighed.

"Love the enthusiasm." Daring said sarcastically.

Daring knocked on the front door, and Dove answered it.

"Hey!" Dove smiled. "So nice to have you here!"

"Hi, hi!" Michael cheered.

"Hi there, Michael." Dove tousled Michael's mane. "Is it just me, or have you gotten even cuter since last time?"

"Maybe..." Michael giggled.

"Dove, this is my husband Caboose, and my daughter, Hurricane." Daring declared.

"Nice to meet you." Dove smiled.

"And you." Caboose nodded. "Daring's told me a lot about you."

"And she's told me a lot about all of you." Dove replied. "Hurricane, you have the loveliest wings!"

"I do?" Hurricane asked, spreading them.

"You certainly do." Dove admired them. "I know some birds who'd kill to have wings that good."

"Oh, thanks." Hurricane smiled proudly.

"Now, that's enough standing on the porch." Dove smiled. "Let's all head inside."

Caboose's family entered the house. It was a simplistic place, with rustic decor, and a few mementos of Dove's stage career.

"So, where's that fiancé of yours?" Daring asked.

"Oh, he's just putting the finishing touches on sprucing himself up." Dove declared. "Between you and me, he's kind of a perfectionist..."

"I know a pony like that..." Caboose muttered, before feeling a pressure in his lower body. "...Can I use the bathroom, please?"

"Sure." Dove nodded. "Upstairs, second door on the right."

"Thanks." Caboose rushed up the stairs.

Finding the bathroom, Caboose entered to find somepony was using the shower. Figuring it would be too loud for him to be heard, he made full use of the facilities.

"Ahhh, that's the stuff..." He sighed.

Just as Caboose was finishing up, the shower was turned off. Caboose tensed up, as the shower curtain was pulled back to reveal... Fletcher.

"Ah!" They both yelped.

"Fletcher?!" Caboose gasped. "What are you doing here?!"

"What I am doing here?! What are you doing here?!" Fletcher frowned.

"I was invited here! What's your excuse?!" Caboose retorted.

"...I live here!" Fletcher yelled.

"...Wait, you're Dove's fiancé?" Caboose asked.

"Dove?" Fletcher frowned. "Oh, don't tell me it's your family she invited to dinner."

"That's right." Caboose nodded. "Got a problem?"

"We'll see." Fletcher frowned. "Now kindly leave the room. I need to dry off."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Caboose slipped out of the room.

Upon his descent, Caboose rushed over to Daring.

"Maybe we should, er, leave." He whispered.

"But we only just got here." Daring frowned. "I know you don't want to be here-"

"You have no idea." Caboose frowned.

"But we're staying." Daring declared. "A couple of hours here won't kill you."

"We'll see..." Caboose cringed.

After drying off, Fletcher rushed downstairs. As he entered the living room, Hurricane froze up, shocked.

"At last." Dove smiled. "Everypony, this is my fiancé, Fletcher."

"Dove... dear...” Fletcher ignored her greeting, as he pointed at Caboose. “Mind telling me why you invite him here?"

"You know Caboose?" Dove frowned.

"Of course I know him." Fletcher growled. "I am the Captain of the Royal Guard, after all. And he is the lieutenant!"

Dove looked at Caboose in disbelief.

"...This is the guy you been complaining about?" She asked Fletcher. “The incompetent, disobedient joke of a Guard?”

Daring looked at Fletcher.

"This is the guy you've been having problems with?" She asked Caboose. “The smug, hard-nosed, tyrannical jerk?”

“He said what about me?” Fletcher and Caboose glared at each other.

"Mom!" Hurricane yelped. "Why did you not tell me we were visiting Captain Fletcher's house?"

“Well, this is a surprise.” Daring admitted, as she turned to Dove. “I had no idea our husbands knew each other.”

"Me neither." Dove frowned. "In retrospect, I think maybe we should have actually referred to them by name before now. This would've gone a lot more smoothly... Anyway, Fletchy, this is my new friend Daring..."

"Hello." Daring said in greeting.

"Nice to meet you." Fletcher said curtly.

"Little Michael..." Dove said fondly.

"Hi, Mr Captain!" Michael waved.

"Hello, little one." Fletcher declared.

Dove turned to Hurricane.

"And this is-" She started.

"Oh, I know Hurricane.” Fletcher nodded, smiling for a bit, “Hello, Hurricane, nice to see you.”

"Thanks!" Hurricane squeaked, before covering her mouth.

"Is there something wrong with your voice?" Fletcher asked, concerned.

"Nope!" Hurricane shook her head, her voice only an octave higher that time.

"Good." Fletcher smiled. "I'd hate to lose one of our most promising Junior Guardsponies to illness."

"...Shall we move on to dinner?" Dove asked.

"Dinner? With him?" Fletcher frowned, glaring at Caboose quickly as he turned to his fiancé, "Dove, you cannot be serious.”

"For once, we agree." Caboose rolled his eyes.

"Fletcher, I worked really hard on this dinner." Dove declared.

"And Dove is my friend." Daring added. "Mikey's too."

"Yeah!" Michael nodded.

"And we're all having dinner together." Dove declared. "Any questions?"

"...No, dear." Fletcher sighed.

"Caboose?" Daring glared.

"Okay." Caboose sighed.

They all took their places at the dinner table, where plates full of artichoke salad and rhubarb stew were waiting to be eaten.. It was mostly a tense affair, Caboose and Fletcher staring daggers at each other the whole time. Hurricane wasn't speaking much, for fear of letting lot a fangirl scream over actually sharing a dinner with Fletcher.

Daring and Dove shared a glance and a nod as they tried to break the ice.

"So... Caboose, Daring tells me you like to play hoofball on your days off?" Dove asked.

"Yeah, that's right." Caboose shrugged.

"Fletchy's kind of a hoofball fan himself." Dove continued. "Guess you two have something in common, huh?"

"I doubt Napoleon is a serious fan." Fletcher declared. "He's probably only in it for the action."

"And what if I am?" Caboose growled.

"There's more to the game than that." Fletcher declared. "There's strategies, manoeuvres, all sorts of plays... it's actually quite cerebral."

"I never looked at it that way before." Hurricane smiled adoringly. "You're so smart, Captain..."

"Yeah, right." Caboose said contemptuously. "You just don't get it. Then again, why am I surprised? With that stick up your butt, you can't really enjoy anything."

"I'd rather have a stick up my butt than rocks in my head." Fletcher snorted.

"You callin' me stupid?" Caboose growled.

"And what if I am?" Fletcher challenged.

"Fletchy, don't make a scene." Dove growled.

"You too, Caboose." Daring added.

The two stallions fell silent.

At that moment, Michael used his magic to lift over a piece of artichoke that had rolled away from him.

"Michael, could you please not use magic at the table?" He asked.

"Why?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, why?" Caboose glared.

"Dove doesn't really like Unicorn magic." Fletcher answered. "It kind of... bothers her."

"Say what?" Caboose frowned. "She's a Unicorn! Magic's what she's all about, and she doesn't like it? Sounds kind of crazy, if you ask me..."

"Don't you talk about my fiancée like that!" Fletcher yelled.

"Fletcher, it's okay." Dove declared. "Michael's just a foal. He doesn't know any better."

"But Napoleon just-" Fletcher protested.

"Let it go, dear." Dove told him.

"...Fine." Fletcher huffed.

Caboose briefly donned a smile of triumph, which was quelched when Daring glared at him.

As the silence between Caboose and Fletcher returned (but not without them glaring even sharper daggers at each other), Daring and Dove decided to take matters into their own hooves.

"Excuse us." They said in unison, dragging their husbands to different room.

"Where they going?" Michael asked.

"Beats me." Hurricane cast a longing look in Fletcher's direction. "I just hope they won't be gone long..."

In the living room, Daring rounded on Caboose.

"Caboose, that's enough." Daring growled.

“What? It’s crazy how Dove detests Unicorn magic when she is a Unicorn!” Caboose protested. “That’s like a zebra that hates rhyming!”

“First off, Caboose, there are zebras who had forsaken their native language.” Daring clarified. “And secondly, this is not about Dove. It’s about you and this petty rivalry you have going with Fletcher.”

"But honey-" Caboose whined.

"Don't 'but honey' me." Daring snarled. "I get that Fletcher isn't your favorite stallion, but Dove is really great friend to me. And I don't her dinner ruined because you have a grudge against her fiancé."

"But he's a jerk!" Caboose yelled, “Telling my boy not to use what Faust gave him. Just because he has actual training, and a whole bund of commendations, recommendations, and tons of other 'ations", and has a slightly bigger ding-a-ling than me doesn’t mean he can just push me around! I’m a Faust-damn Napoleon for crying out loud!”

“...When the buck did you look at his junk?” Daring gaped... before shaking her head. “Never mind, I don’t wanna know. Either way, you have to suck it up!”

“Why do I have to suck it up for that jarhead?” Caboose pouted.

"Because the fiancée of that jarhead is my friend." Daring retorted. "And if you ruin this night for her, you're sleeping on the couch. Got it, mister?"

"...Yes, dear." Caboose sighed.

"Good." Daring nuzzled him.

Meanwhile, Dove and Fletcher were having a similar argument.

"I still can't believe that defiant, sloppy degenerate is in my house." Fletcher growled, “Eating off our plates and sitting in one of our best chairs...”

"Well he is." Dove declared. "Meaning he's our guest. And I expect you to treat him as such."

"But that stallion is a menace." Fletcher huffed. “He used a cannon for firing ‘warning shots’! What kind of madpony would use a cannon for that?”

"I'll admit, it seems a little extreme." Dove declared. "But he must be a good stallion for somepony like Daring to want to marry him."

"Good stallion?" Fletcher "He insulted you!"

"I've had worse." Dove shrugged. "And he didn't really mean it."

"It sounded like he meant it." Fletcher snorted.

"You know, and what you told me about him, I was expecting a real jerk." Dove admitted. "But he's not. He's really nice. Strange, but nice. Maybe you'd feel the same way, if you just gave him a chance."

"You can't be serious." Fletcher growled.

"I'm dead serious." Dove declared.

"I'm not going to let that fool get the better of me!" Fletcher yelled. "If I hold anything back now, he'll see it as a weakness, and make it a point to defy me even more!"

"You know what? I don't care what's going on between you two." Dove said sternly. "I was hoping to have a nice dinner with my new friend and her family. And you're not going to ruin it. So play nice!"

“Why would I play nice with that braindead, emptyheaded ‘Goodfella reject?” Fletcher growled.

“Because the wife of that braindead, emptyheaded ‘Goodfella reject is my friend.” Dove frowned. “And I happen to like that little colt of theirs, so don’t be a secousse.”

"But I-" Fletcher protested.

"But nothing." Dove frowned. "You may be the Captain of the Royal Guard, but you and I are partners. Equals. Meaning you suck it up and try to get along with Caboose… for me."

"Alright, fine." Fletcher groaned. "I suppose one evening couldn't hurt."

"Thanks, Fletchy." Dove kissed him on the cheek.

The two couples returned to the table.

"Everything okay?" Daring asked Dove.

"Everything's fine." Dove smiled. "Right, Fletchy?"

"...Right." Fletcher sighed. "Couldn't be better.”

"Caboose?" Daring asked.

"Oh yeah, sure." Caboose smiled so hard it hurt. "Glad to be here."

"And we're glad to have you." Dove grinned. "Aren't we, Fletcher?"

"Ecstatic." Fletcher forced a smile.

"Great." Daring smiled. "Isn't this nice? All of us just coming together to share a home-cooked meal?"

"Yeah." Caboose cringed. "And such good company..."

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Fletcher choked back the bile.

"Me neither..." Hurricane sighed, gazing at Fletcher.

The diners went back to their food. Before long, Daring decided to start a new conversation...

"So, tell us, Dove." She smiled. "How did you and Fletcher meet?"

"Oh, that was back when Fletcher was still a recruit in Norhay." Dove smiled. "I was just a street magician back then. One day, on my way to a gig, I tripped and injured myself, and Fletcher, chivalrous as he is, helped me up and bandaged me up." She sighed deeply. "It was love at first sight for me."

"Unfortunately, not for me." Fletcher admitted. "I was so wrapped up in my training that I barely even noticed her." He gazed lovingly at her. "Crazy, right?"

"But I managed to convince him to join me for coffee as a way of thanking him." Dove smiled. "We became friends. And for a while, it seemed like that was all we could be. I wanted us to be more but every sign I gave Fletcher went over his head. He was completely oblivious.”

“Sad but true.” Fletcher admitted, “The town where I grew was small and sparse that I rarely left home. Dove often jokes that I can’t tell when mares are ogling me.”

“That is the understatement of the century.” Caboose muttered.

“But I finally got through to him.” Dove smiled, “One day, I decided to take the plunge. I just plucked up the courage and gave him a big ol' kiss. It was like we were in Carris for a second there..."

"I'll admit, I was surprised at first." Fletcher recalled. "So surprised I froze up, in fact."

"Seriously?" Caboose snorted, “A Casanova like you?”

"Anyway..." Fletcher growled. "That kiss was a wake-up call. It didn't take long for me to realize what a wonderful marefriend Dove could be. We started dating not long after that."

"Ooh, tell him about the proposal, Fletchy!" Dove urged.

"Well, I had just received advance word of my transfer to Canterlot, I realized it would mean being apart from my beloved Dove." Fletcher frowned. "So I did the only sane thing: I asked her to come with me, and be my wife."

"How could I say no?" Dove hugged him, “As of now, we have been engaged for four months. And I had never been happier since.”

"Aww, that's so romantic..." Daring cooed.

"Yeah, romantic..." Hurricane snarled in jealousy.

The rest of the dinner went as smoothly as could be hoped. Though there was a brief misunderstanding during dessert (regarding who got the largest slice of pie), Caboose and Fletcher were at least civil with each other.

"Thanks for coming, guys!" Dove waved. "Come back soon!"

"Not too soon..." Fletcher muttered.

"We will!" Daring waved back. "Bye!"

"Bye-bye!" Michael added.

Hurricane waved shyly at Fletcher.

"I was in his house..." She whispered. “The girls are going to be so jealous…”

"Glad that's over." Caboose huffed.

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad." Daring declared.

"Maybe not." Caboose admitted. "But it's not going to change anything between me and Fletcher. Tomorrow, it'll be business as usual...and it’s going to suck."

'Caboose and Fletcher had reached an uneasy truce for the briefest of times, but this tale is far from over. Stay tuned for the final chapter, where things finally come to a head for all parties involved...'

Changing Of The Guard (Part Three)

'After the quite awkward dinner, Fletcher and Caboose continued to butt heads. Fletcher would chide Caboose for his slapdash attitude, while Caboose would dislike Fletcher for being so uptight and hardcore. But before either of them knew it, things started coming to a head, in...'

Changing Of The Guard (Part Three)

One afternoon, Caboose marched darkly into the house, slamming the door behind him.

"So... how was your day?" Daring frowned, taking note of Caboose's sour expression.

"Terrible!" Caboose pouted. "And do you why it was terrible?"

"I think I can guess..." Daring sighed.

"Fletcher!" Caboose growled.

"I guessed right." Daring frowned.

"He was on my back again today." Caboose snarled. "I was just having a nap, for crying out loud! Nothing was going on, no trouble or anything, but did he care? Noooo!"

"Well, technically, you shouldn't be sleeping on the job..." Daring pointed out.

"Iron didn't mind." Caboose frowned. "Because he knew I could get the job done when trouble came. But Fletcher doesn't care about that. He's such a fuddy-duddy. He wants us all to be his perfect tin soldiers, not matter what!"

"Try and relax, dear..." Hurricane urged.

"How can I relax with that culo-brain on my back all the time?" Caboose scowled. "All he does is tell me how everything I do is wrong, how I should 'shape up' and be more like him... Heh, not in this lifetime."

"I know it's been hard for you, Caboose." Daring sympathized. "But you've gotta face facts. Fletcher's here to stay. The sooner you accept that, the better it'll be for you."

"Somehow, I doubt it." Caboose snarled.

Meanwhile, Fletcher stormed into his own house.

"Welcome back, Fletchy." Dove tried to hug him.

"Not now, Dove." Fletcher gently pushed her away. "I'm not in the mood."

"Oh no." Dove sighed. "What's wrong?"

"It's that blasted Napoleon!" Fletcher roared. "Do you remember that thief I told you about a few days ago?”

“You mean the one who stole the soup to feed his family?” Dove asked.

“Yes!” Fletcher groaned in fury, “I was just bringing in this pickpocket when I found that thief from a while back just being released from jail! When I confronted him, he told me how Napoleon had hired his brother, Lawrence, or whatever his name is, to defend him in court and actually got him off on a technicality! Just a little slap on the hoof!"

“Wait, what kind of technicality?” Dove questioned.

"He said the stolen soup can was inadmissible as evidence, because it was past its sell-by date when it was stolen." Fletcher said indignantly. "Like that even matters! He still stole it, and he needed to be punished!"

“But dear, you were telling me how you felt sorry for the poor stallion the other day.” Dove frowned. “Wouldn’t this actually be a good thing?”

“Yes, but after he took some time to learn what he did was wrong!” Fletcher said in exasperation, “But no, that damn Napoleon went behind my back, pull some strings, and practically gave me the middle hoof!”

"Fletcher..." Dove frowned.

"I can't believe he would go and do something so below the belt!" Fletcher roared. "That traitorous, double-dealing...” He struggled to hold in the last word, but failed miserably. “Breiddjame!"

"Look, maybe you should calm down..." Dove urged.

"Calm?" Fletcher growled. "I don't know much more of that dullard's antics I can take! Ever since I first became captain, he had done nothing but undermine me! Not to mention he’s lazy, have no respect for our code of conduct, and just this morning, I found him snoozing! I mean, Faust, he has to be the worst Royal Guard in the history of Royal Guards!”

“Now, that is going a little too far, don’t you think?” Dove frowned, “Daring told me that the old captain, Iron Hooves, held him in very high regard. Surely, he wouldn’t be saying that about the ‘worst Royal Guard’, would he?”

“I’m sorry, dear, but I cannot see what Iron see in him!” Fletcher growled, “If it were up to me, he'd already be gone! Faust knows he’s lucky that a criminal like him got pardoned and allowed to stay amongst their ranks so long! But no, I can’t do diddly squawk, because he's related to one of the Princesses, meaning I have little choice but to stand around and endure him making a mockery of our noble profession! I did not underwent years of training, just to deal with this buckhole!"

"Look, I know Caboose rubs you the wrong way, Fletchy." Dove placed a hoof gently on his side. "But maybe you should just learn to live with it. Daring's always telling me what a great guy Caboose is. If you just gave him a chance..."

"I already gave him a chance." Fletcher said coldly. "A chance to show me what kind of Guard and stallion he is. He showed me, and I didn't like what I saw. End of discussion."

Fletcher marched up to the bathroom.

"Oh, Fletcher." Dove sighed. "I love you, but you can be so stubborn sometimes..."

Daring and Dove weren't the only ones who were becoming perturbed by Caboose and Fletcher's animosity. Even Celestia had noticed their constant sniping and arguments. If there was one thing a Princess couldn't stand for, it was disharmony. Something had to be done, and she knew just what it was...

One morning, Caboose and Fletcher found themselves called in to the throne.

"Thanks you for coming, gentlecolts." Celestia smiled.

"What's the problem, your highness?" Fletcher asked.

"It's not a problem, per se." Celestia declared. "More of a request."

"What's the request?" Caboose asked.

"I would like for the two of you to chaperone this weekend's Junior Guardsponies wilderness survival course." Celestia smiled.

"Both of us?" Fletcher gasped. "But your highness-"

"No buts." Celestia declared. "I've noticed that the two of you have not been... getting on. You need to learn to start working together, and this weekend could be just what you need."

"A whole weekend with him?!" Caboose growled. "No way!"

"That goes double for me." Fletcher spat. "I must politely decline your request, Princess."

"It may have been a request, but I will make it an order if I have to." Celestia said sternly.

"Your highness, I-" Fletcher started.

"Your grudge against each other has been bringing down morale for the entire Guard." Celestia said harshly. "How do you think it looks when the Captain and the Lieutenant can't agree on anything?"

"It looks... bad?" Caboose offered.

"Yes, it does." Celestia nodded. "Look, I'm not asking you to become best friends, but I am hoping this weekend will help you to learn to look past your differences, and work together."

"...I understand, your highness." Fletcher sighed.

"Guess it wouldn't hurt to try." Caboose groaned.

"Excellent." Celestia smiled. "Hopefully, this weekend will help you get a better perspective of each other."

As Fletcher and Caboose marched out of the throne room, Fletcher grimaced.

"I don't care how wise Celestia is." He declared. "She's way off target on this one. I will never accept a sloppy, dim-witted clown like you as my comrade."

"Yeah?" Caboose snarled. "Me neither, ya... stupid-head!"

"What witty repartee." Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Like a young Oscolt Wilde."

"Thanks... I think." Caboose shrugged.

"It's clear that we will always despise each other." Fletcher declared. "So let's just stay out of each other's way, and get through the weekend, alright?"

"Suits me just fine." Caboose growled.

Back home, Caboose was preparing for the weekend.

"I can't believe this." He said to Daring. "I have to spend an entire weekend with that guy, out in the wild, training the Junior Guardsponies..."

"Maybe it won't be that bad." Daring suggested. "Maybe Fletcher will be so busy teaching the kids all those 'wilderness survival' lessons, he won't have time to rag on you."

Hurricane suddenly rushed into the room, having overheard their conversation.

"Wait, did you just say Fletcher will be teaching the wilderness survival course?" She gasped.

"Yes." Caboose said flatly.

"Awesome!" Hurricane grinned. "A whole weekend of being around Fletcher!"

"And me." Caboose added.

"Yeah, yeah." Hurricane waved it off. "But being with Fletcher for two days? It's like a dream come true!"

'Don't get too excited, sweetie.' Caboose thought. 'You won't be getting that much face time with Captain jerk. Not if I can help it...'

That Saturday, Caboose and Hurricane prepared to leave for the castle to join the others. They were both carrying packs full of survival gear.

"Be safe, sweetie." Daring kissed Hurricane goodbye.

"Of course I will, mom." Hurricane smiled. "I'll have Fletcher looking out for me."

Caboose cleared his throat.

"Oh, and dad." Hurricane said sheepishly.

"Bye, Hurri." Michael hugged his big sister. "Bye, daddy."

"Don't be so sad, little guy." Caboose smiled. "We'll be back soon."

"That's right." Hurricane nodded. "Now, you be good for mom, and I might just bring you back a present."

"Yay!" Michael cheered.

"Good luck, 'Boosey." Daring kissed Caboose. "Try not to let Fletcher get under your skin."

"I'll try." Caboose sighed. "No promises, though." He turned to Hurricane, who was hugging Michael. "Let's go, sweetie."

"Right behind you, dad!" Hurricane grinned.

Caboose and Hurricane made their way to the castle grounds, where the other Junior Guardsponies were gathered.

"There you are, Lieutenant." Fletcher declared. "And Hurricane. So nice to have you join us."

"Thanks..." Hurricane gushed.

"Please join your fellow Junior Guardsponies, and we can get going." Fletcher declared.

"Yes, sir." Hurricane saluted. She rushed over to the others, getting in line besides Gauntlet.

"Hey, Hurri." Gauntlet smiled.

"Hi, Gauntlet." Hurricane grinned.

"This is gonna be great, isn't?" Gauntlet asked enthusiastically. "Being out in the wild, learning how to survive..."

"Yeah." Hurricane nodded. "Of course, it helps to have the right stallion with you..."

"Well, I don't like to brag..." Gauntlet smirked.

"And Fletcher is that stallion." Hurricane sighed. "With him teaching us, we'll be all set. He's just the best, isn't he?"

"Oh, yeah." Gauntlet said sourly. "Just the best..."

"Ready, Lieutenant?" Fletcher asked.

"Oh, I'm ready." Caboose said petulantly. "Are you?"

"Ready than you'll ever be." Fletcher scoffed.

"Why, you…" Caboose growled.

"Junior Guardsponies, move out!" Fletcher declared.

Following Fletcher's lead, the Junior Guardsponies marched over to a small forest outside Canterlot. Once they reached a clearing, Fletcher stopped.

"At ease." Fletcher declared. He looked around. "This looks like an excellent place to make camp."

"Yeah, whatever." Caboose frowned. "I could found a better one, though..."

The Junior Guardsponies set down their survival packs.

"Okay, Junior Guardsponies, listen up." Fletcher declared. "We have a lot to do this weekend. We'll mostly be going over the basic survival techniques. Nothing too complicated. This is your first time out here, so I'll go easy on you..."

"You never go easy on anypony else..." Caboose muttered.

"Now, the first item on a survivalist's list is to build a shelter." Fletcher announced, ignoring Caboose. "In a place like this, there is ample raw materials. Wood, vines, stones for bracing... The Lieutenant and I will show you how to make them. Shan't we, Lieutenant?"

"Oh, yeah." Caboose nodded, before whispering "Bet mine's better than yours."

"Just try and keep up." Fletcher taunted.

As the Junior Guardsponies watched, the two constructed their shelters. Fletcher's turned out to be a masterpiece: a perfectly formed lean-to with a roof made out of leafs, supports formed from branches and vines, and rocks to help brace the whole thing. In comparison, Caboose's was a mess: a mismatched structure of uneven proportions, yet it was still suitable for its function, standing upright in spite of its shambolic design.

"Has anypony told you your architectural skills are somewhat lacking, Lieutenant?" Fletcher growled. "That's less of a shelter, and more of a disaster with a roof."

"What's the big deal?" Caboose asked. "It works, doesn't it?"

"It works, but it looks appalling." Fletcher frowned, trying to keep a cool head for the children. "Even out in the wilderness, it doesn't hurt to show a little professionalism."

"Whatever." Caboose snorted. "Okay kids, now it's your turn. Your shelter can be boring like Fletcher's, or cool like mine. Your choice."

A couple of the kids (including Gauntlet) chuckled at Caboose's statement. Fletcher scowled.

'I won't let you make these kids into clowns like you, Napoleon...' He thought.

The kids put together their shelters. Some were like Caboose's, others like Fletcher's (Hurricane's especially).

"Well done." Fletcher declared. "Now, let's move on to gathering food."

"Food." Caboose smiled. "At last, you're speaking my language."

Fletcher led the group over to a berry bush.

"Now, it's important to be able to recognize which berries are safe for equine consumption." Fletcher declared. "These berries, for example, are not safe."

"They look okay to me." Caboose shrugged.

"To the uneducated stallion, yes." Fletcher sneered. "But these berries can induce powerful stomach aches, and even on occasion, hallucinations."

"So?" Caboose asked. "Those hallucinations can be pretty trippy. It's worth a stomach ache, if you ask me."

"Well, I didn't." Fletcher growled. "Remember the old adage, young Guardsponies: 'Leaves of three, let it be'."

"Wow, Fletcher is so smart, isn't he?" Hurricane whispered.

"More like a know-it-all, if you ask me." Gauntlet pouted.

"Leaves of four, eat some more!" Caboose chuckled, pointing out another berry bush.

"Yes, well, those berries are actually safe to eat." Fletcher said grudgingly.

"See?" Caboose smirked, eating one. "You're not the only one who knows a thing or two about the wild. Help yourselves, kids!"

The Junior Guardsponies rushed over to pick the berries.

"I suppose even a broken clock is right twice a day." Fletcher muttered under his breath.

After the Junior Guardsponies gathered enough berries to last them, the sun started to set.

"Alright, time for the next lesson: Starting a campfire." Fletcher declared. "Everypony gather some wood."

The Junior Guardsponies rushed around, gathering fallen twigs and branches.

"And now, to start the fire." Fletcher smiled.

"I got this." Caboose smirked. He fired a bolt of magic into one pile of wood, igniting it. "Ta-daa!"

"That's all well and good, but what about the non-Unicorns?" Fletcher pointed out. "For those without magic, starting a fire is a little trickier. There are several ways of doing so; Rubbing sticks together, striking rocks to produce sparks, and even using a flint to ignite it. I will demonstrate all those methods for you."

True to his word, Fletcher demonstrated the procedures one by one. The Junior Guardsponies "ooh"ed and "ah"ed repeatedly.

"Show off." Caboose frowned.

"Isn't he amazing?" Hurricane sighed.

"Hrrr..." Gauntlet growled.

"Alright, troops." Fletcher declared. "Let's cook up some dinner, then call it a night. We've got a big day tomorrow."

The Junior Guardsponies gathered around their newly-made fires, roasting carrots and corn that they had brought in their packs. After eating, they all got into their shelters and bunkered down for the night.

As Fletcher and Caboose made to settle in, they threw each other an angry glare.

"Watch yourself, Lieutenant." Fletcher declared. "Don't make a habit of challenging my techniques in front of the kids."

"Maybe you should lighten up." Caboose shot back. "Besides, Celestia sent us both out here, so she obviously thinks I've got something to bring to the table."

"Yes." Fletcher nodded. "It's called 'comic relief'."

"Funny guy." Caboose snorted.

"I'd prefer if you'd focus on actually teaching these kids instead of tickling their bones." Fletcher said sourly. "They're out here to learn, remember?"

"I remember." Caboose scowled. "But they're still kids. It won't hurt for them to have a little fun."

"A little, yes." Fletcher admitted. "But that doesn't mean you have to make a joke out of everything."

"Fine, whatever." Caboose snorted. "Can I go to bed now? I've had enough of your uptight face for one day."

"And I've had enough of your vacant stares for one day." Fletcher shot back. "Good night, Lieutenant."

"...Night, Captain." Caboose growled.

The next morning, Fletcher woke everypony at the crack of dawn.

"Up and at 'em, everypony!" He yelled.

The Junior Guardsponies sleepily emerged from their shelters. Caboose, however, stayed where he was, still asleep.

"That means you, Lieutenant!" Fletcher roared.

"Ah!" Caboose yelped. "I'm up, I'm up!"

Caboose scrambled out of his shelter and stood beside Fletcher.

"Now, that everypony's awake…" Fletcher huffed, glaring at Caboose for a moment. "Today, we will be teaching 'specialty' survival techniques. That is to say, techniques that can only be performed by the individual pony races. All Unicorns line up beside Lieutenant Caboose. Everypony else, by me."

The kids complied (Hurricane rushing over to Fletcher). Fletcher gave Caboose a look that screamed out "Don't mess this up." Caboose shot back with his best "I know what I'm doing" face.

"Okay, for all us hornheads, it's essential to learn how to send up magical distress flares, in order to alert potential rescuers." Caboose said, in his most authoritative voice. "Let me show you how it's done."

Screwing up his face in concentration, Caboose willed his magic into being, firing a burst of energy that flew up into the sky, then exploded into a burst of light.

"A little bright, don't you think?" Fletcher asked. "The idea is to alert potential rescuers, not blind them."

"It's supposed to grab their attention, isn't it?" Caboose shrugged. "Everypony from miles around must've seen that!"

The Unicorns chuckled lightly.

"Thank you, I'll be here all weekend." Caboose bowed. "Now, let's see you guys try!"

As the Unicorn kids worked on their own flares, Fletcher turned to his own charges.

"Now then." He declared. "For the Pegasi, I'm going to need you all to start some fires again. That should give me time to tutor the Earth Ponies. Come along kids."

"Come on, guys!" Hurricane yelled. "Let's go get some wood!"

"Oh, sure." Gauntlet muttered. "Wouldn't want to keep Mr. Perfect waiting..."

As the Pegasi got to work gathering wood, Fletcher turned to the Earth Ponies.

"This little trick is a tough one." Fletcher admitted. "But I have faith you can master it. You see, we Earth Ponies have a special connection to the ground beneath our feet. With the right amount of focus, you can 'map' your surroundings without even looking. Close your eyes."

They all closed their eyes.

"Now, try to feel the forest around you." Fletcher instructed. "Feel it through your hooves. Open your minds to the connection our kind has with the soil."

For a few moments, there was silence, as the Earth Ponies concentrated.

"I don't feel anything." One said.

"Me neither." Another frowned.

"I felt like there was something behind me.." Another admitted.

"That's okay." Fletcher said kindly. "It's a difficult technique to master. Took me a while to get the hang of it. Just keep at it, and I'm sure you'll see some progress by this trip's end."

By that time, the Pegasi had gathered the wood, and sparked some fires.

"Ah, good work." Fletcher walked over to them. "Now, you will be taught in the art of smoke signals. Like the flares that the Lieutenant was so gracefully demonstrating, these can be used to alert others to your presence. Open up those wings, everypony."

The Pegasi complied.

"Now, flap in slow, regular intervals." Fletcher instructed. "That way, the smoke will break up into distinct clouds, standing out for others to see."

The Pegasi started flapping. Some were flapping too weakly. Others, like Gauntlet, were flapping a touch too hard. Hurricane, however, was flapping just right.

"Well done, Hurricane." Fletcher smiled, walking over to her. "That's just perfect."

"Oh, it's probably just beginner's luck..." Hurricane blushed.

"There's no such thing as luck." Fletcher placed a hoof on Hurricane's shoulder. "You have skill, my dear."

"Thanks..." Hurricane smiled, trying not to quiver like jello.

"Keep this up, and there'll there be another perfect grade in your future." Fletcher grinned.

"Oh, I will!" Hurricane squeaked. "You can count on me, Captain!"

"Excellent." Fletcher smiled, walking to check on the others.

"He touched me..." Hurricane sighed. "Me..."

Gauntlet scowled, having watched the whole thing. He flapped harder than ever, accidentally causing the burning wood to scatter over the ground.

"A little too hard there, Mr. Hooves." Fletcher admonished him. "Might want to ease back on the power."

"Yes, sir..." Gauntlet hissed.

Once the fires were put out, they moved on to the next lesson.

"As I'm sure you know, the wild is filled with hostile creatures." Fletcher declared. "And you need to learn how to defend yourselves against them. Of course, fighting a beast is different from fighting another pony. There are far different techniques required to drive them away. Lieutenant Napoleon here will help me demonstrate. Ready, Lieutenant?"

"Oh, yeah..." Caboose smirked, taking his place beside Fletcher.

"Now, the best way to repel a wild animal is with a punch to the nose." Fletcher declared. "Like so..."

Fletcher swung at Caboose... who caught the hoof, and flipped him onto his back.

"Gah!" Fletcher yelped.

'Consider that a little payback for your first day, Cap.' Caboose thought.

"Lieutenant, I couldn't help but notice you deviated from the lesson plan." Fletcher scowled.

"Hey, some animals have claws for grabbing." Caboose pointed out. "Ya gotta be prepared, right?"

"Yes." Fletcher nodded. "And some animals... can pounce!"

Fletcher leapt at Caboose, tackling and pinning him.

"You see?" Fletcher asked. "Lose your focus, and you're done for."

"Unless you do... this!" Caboose pulled a hoof free and punched Fletcher on the nose.

"Ah!" Fletcher cringed, stepping back, as Caboose stood up. "Yes... but there are other techniques that can bring down an attacking animal. Like this, for instance..."

Fletcher swept a hoof across Caboose's legs, tripping him.

"Yikes!" Caboose yelped.

"You see, kids?" Fletcher asked. "Cutting the legs out from under them is another useful strategy. Especially against the dumber animals..."

Caboose suddenly grabbed Fletcher's tail, dragging him across the dirt and bringing him down again.

"Grabbing the tail works, too." Caboose smirked. "Especially against the smug animals who are too big-headed to notice what's going on behind them."

"There's a flaw in that strategy." Fletcher growled. "When you pull an animal's tail, it gets angry!"

Fletcher dived at Caboose, pinning him again.

"And an angry animal can make quick work of a pony's soft underbelly." He declared.

"Not if the pony is quicker!" Caboose yelled, flipping Fletcher around, so he was on top.

"But what if the animal gets you by the neck?" Fletcher put Caboose in a headlock.

"The ol' nose punch should do the trick!" Caboose punched Fletcher.

His temper rising, Fletcher grappled with Caboose, who fought back in kind.

"You need to think your way around an animal's savage fury!" Fletcher insisted.

"No, you gotta fight instinct with instinct!" Caboose retorted.

The Junior Guardsponies stared at them, a tad nonplussed. Even Hurricane was a little bemused at Fletcher's actions.

"Is this going to be on a test, or something?" One of the kids asked.

Caboose and Fletcher stopped, painfully aware of what they were doing.

"Well, ah..." Fletcher cleared his throat as he and Caboose broke apart. "Not as such, no..."

"It's just... y'know, the basics." Caboose shrugged. "Li'l somethin' to have in your back pocket..."

"...Shall we move on?" Fletcher asked awkwardly.

"Good idea." Caboose cringed. "Come along, kids..."

Meanwhile, back in Canterlot, Daring and Dove were having coffee together. Michael was sitting behind Daring, feeding breadcrumbs to Dinah.

"How do you think it's going out there?" Dove asked.

"I hope it's going okay." Daring declared. "But that's just wishful thinking."

"Maybe not." Dove shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe a little time together is just what those two need to start getting along."

"Well, they do have to set an example for the kids." Daring admitted. "Maybe they can put their differences aside for their young charges."

"I hope so." Dove sighed. "Fletcher's a good stallion, but he can be so strict and stiff sometimes. Sometimes, I wish he was a little more loose... like Caboose."

"Yeah, my 'Boosey really knows how to loosen up." Daring chuckled. "But he can also be kind of a walking disaster area. The amount of damage he's caused over the years..."

"But at least he's willing to let his heart do the thinking." Dove sighed. "For Fletchy, it's all about procedure, and going by the book."

"Well, at least he's cute." Daring admitted. "I didn't want to say anything, for Caboose's sake..."

"You're right, though." Dove smiled. "Fletchy is the most handsome stallion I've ever met. But having a husband as hot as him can be both a boon and a curse, y'know? All those random mares, drooling over him... Though at least I can take pride, knowing that I can rub it in the faces of the mares who try to come onto him that he's totally devoted to me. In all the time we've been together, he's barely even looked at another girl."

"Now that's devotion." Daring grinned. "Caboose is the same. Even when this totally hot old marefriend of his showed up, he barely gave her the time of the day. He made sure to let her know that I'm his one and only."

"Well, looks like our guys have at least one thing in common after all." Dove smiled.

"Yeah." Daring nodded. "If only they'd realise that they're not so different, they could actually start to connect."

"That's the spirit." Dove nodded. "Maybe they're starting to get along better even as we speak."

Back in the forest, Caboose and Fletcher were putting out the fire on a tree, as the kids watched.

"And that, Junior Guardsponies, is why you should never use a flare near a tree." Caboose said sheepishly.

"I think it's time you kids gathered some water from the stream." Fletcher said sternly. "Lietenant, could you please join me at the campsite?"

"yeah, sure." Caboose shrugged.

As the Junior Guardsponies headed to the stream, Fletcher and Caboose went back to the campsite. Once they got there, a verbal dressing-down began

"Nice work, Lieutenant." Fletcher growled. "If your goal was to teach those kids to burn the forest down!"

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Caboose yelled. “That tree was in the way!”

"Did it never occur to you to take those kids to a clearing, where that wouldn't happen?" Fletcher snorted. "No, it didn't! I don't know what Celestia was thinking. A fool like you has no business teaching!"

"Hey!" Caboose growled. "I'm just as qualified to teach these kids as you are! Captain or not, you're still just a rookie! I've been a Royal Guard for years!"

“The only thing you are is a fraud!” Fletcher snarled.

“…What?” Caboose hissed.

“You heard me…” Fletcher growled, “You are a fraud! You are not a Royal Guard! You are some lunatic that got in by faking your credentials, courtesy of your crime boss brother, and having the audacity to say you ‘served in Saddle Arabia’! I met those ponies, and you are nothing like them!”

“So what?!” Caboose protested. “I may not have had medals stuck to my chest when I joined, but I had earned my place here! Ask any of our comrades, or even the royal family, they would vouch for me and say that I am a great Guard!”

"Pisspreik!” Fletcher cursed in Norhayan. “The only reason that you are even still here is because of your relation to Princess Dust! And all those so-called achievements you made, it was nothing but DUMB LUCK!”

“Dumb luck?!” Caboose gaped in fury.

“That’s right!” Fletcher snarled, “Anything you ‘considered’ an accomplishment was a product of your klutzy nature and dumb luck! It’s a miracle you had made it this far without having screwed Canterlot, let alone all of Equestria over!”

Caboose stepped back, a bit blown back by his harsh words... but he stood firm, as Caboose’s glare hardened.

“...So what?” Caboose growled.

“What you say?” Fletcher demanded.

“That’s right, so buckin’ what?!” Caboose repeated harshly, “Sure, I may had screwed up a lot in the past, and sure, I had been lucky that no one suffered because of those screw ups... but don’t you dare assume that my accomplishments mean nothing! Because like it or not, I have proven my worth as a Royal Guard a thousand times over! And you can badmouth me, treat me like crap, and even break my hooves to your heart’s content, but I am the one of the best Guards you will ever get! Not because I'm some jarhead from a jarhead school, but because I have compassion, and I think out of the box, and I'm a good fighter, and... other stuff!” He then jabbed Fletcher’s chest. “And you can take that to the bank!”

“That doesn't make a Royal Guard in my book.” Fletcher snarled coldly, “In fact, if anything, you are a joke. I never thought I'd say this to another pony’s face, but you brought this upon yourself. You are a clumsy, talentless, brainless little thug. You're a pathetic waste of a stallion, and you certainly don't deserve to wear that armor. Your daughter has more talent and skill than you will ever have. Clearly, she did not get that from you..."

"Don't you dare bring my daughter into this." Caboose scowled. "Bad enough she worships the ground you walk on..."

“Worship me?” Fletcher blustered, “That is absurd! Why in Equestria would she worship me? I am but a pony like her!”

“...Faust, Dove was right, you really have no clue about mares coming on to you!” Caboose shook his head in disbelief, “What does Hurricane honestly see in you?!”

"I don’t know what thoughts you think your daughter has for me, but I can tell you that it is obviously respect for her superiors, which is more than can be said for you.” Fletcher growled. “Young ponies need decent role models. And while you may be a decent father, it pains me that such potential your daughter has will dwindle if she grows up to be anything like you! "

"What did I just say?!" Caboose snarled.

"You know what? Let's just get this weekend over with." Fletcher said flatly. "The sooner I get to be away from you, the better."

"That's one other thing we agree on." Caboose spat. "I can't wait to escape your preachy, smug attitude."

"Nor I your clumsy, brainless foolishness." Fletcher sneered. "Let's just try to stay out of each other's way until then."

"Fine." Caboose glared.

"Fine." Fletcher stared back.

They marched off to opposite ends of the campsite. Shortly after, the Junior Guardsponies returned with their water.

"Good job, young ones." Fletcher declared. "At least there are some here who can get the job done..."

"Whatever." Caboose huffed. "It's getting late. Shouldn't we be going to sleep about now?"

"For once, you're right." Fletcher nodded. "Time to turn in, everypony."

The Junior Guardsponies all took to their shelters. Caboose and Fletcher followed suit, pointedly looking away from each other. Ironically, they shared the same thought as they fell asleep:

'I can't wait to get out of here, and away from him.'

The next morning, Gauntlet went off to get some more water. As he was at the stream, he was joined by Hurricane.

"Hey, Gauntlet." Hurricane smiled.

"Oh, so you remember my name?" Gauntlet pouted.

"Huh?" Hurricane frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you've been spending all weekend mooning over Fletcher, and barely saying two words to me." Gauntlet retorted.

"No, I haven't Hurricane frowned.

"Yes, you have." Gauntlet snorted. "You can't go more than five minutes without talking about that guy."

"Oh, how awesome is Fletcher?" Hurricane sighed. "He's so brave, and smart, and handsome..."

"What did I just say?" Gauntlet growled.

"And he's such a great teacher." Hurricane smiled. "I've learned so much from him..."

"Yeah, that's terrific." Gauntlet said sourly. "Now, back to us-"

"Hey, maybe one day, I'll get to work alongside him as a Royal Guard." Hurricane sighed dreamily. "That would be wonderful. Just me and Fletcher..."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HIM?!" Gauntlet suddenly roared. "Ever since you first laid eyes on the guy, you've been going on about him non-stop!"

"I have not!" Hurricane blushed lightly.

"Yes, you have!" Gauntlet pointed out. "And you've been so desperate to impress him, you've been blowing off everything else, including me!"

"Gauntlet... I had no idea." Hurricane apologised. "I didn't mean..."

"Save it." Gauntlet snarled. "It's obvious you care more about Mr. Perfect than you do me, your own coltfriend."

"...What's that supposed to mean?" Hurricane asked.

"Oh, please." Gauntlet snorted. "You're totally crushing on that guy!"

"I am not!" Hurricane yelled, blushing harder.

"You are." Gauntlet sniffed, his eyes watering. "Do you any idea how much that hurts? To have the girl I care about most just push me aside for somepony else?! I thought we had something special!"

"We do!" Hurricane yelled.

"Don't lie to me." Gauntlet sneered. "I've seen the looks you give Fletcher. They're the same looks you used to give me!"

Hurricane lowered her head, starting to feel guilty.

"It's kinda pathetic, actually." Gauntlet snorted. "A filly mooning after a grown stallion..."

"I'm pathetic?!" Hurricane yelled, her guilt fading away instantly. "You're the one getting all crazy jealous! Why can't you be more in control of yourself, like-"

"Like Fletcher?" Gauntlet sneered. "Why don't you just marry him if you love him so much? Oh wait, you can't. He's already engaged... to a grown mare! So why don't you give that sad obsession of yours a rest?"

"How dare you talk to me like that!" Hurricane snarled, her temper rising. "You total jerk!"

"You're the jerk!" Gauntlet shot back. "You've been ignoring me for weeks, just so you can drool over that guy!"

I HAVE NOT!" Hurricane yelled at the top of her voice. "Now quit saying that, or I'll-"

"What?" Gauntlet dared her. "Break up with me? Why not? It's not like you've been much of a marefriend lately! I'll barely notice the difference!"

"Yeah, well... you're a lousy coltfriend!" Hurricane shot back.

“Says the marefriend who has been ‘cheating’ on him with a guy much older than her!” Gauntlet snapped. “I have been nothing but patient over these past couple of weeks, but now, I've had enough...”

“...What are you saying?” Hurricane frowned, not liking what she was hearing.

“I’m saying I’m done.” Gauntlet snarled. “Done with this thing we once called a relationship!”

"Gauntlet, please..." Hurricane sniffed. "Don't do this...

"I don't want to hear it." Gauntlet said coldly. "Or anything out of your mouth ever again."

"...Fine." Hurricane's face hardened (though her eyes still showed signs of anguish). "Your loss, pal."

"In your dre-" Gauntlet started.

A snarl suddenly ran through the air. The young ponies turned in the direction of the snarl, where a manticore suddenly emerged from between the trees.

"Oh, buck..." Gauntlet gulped.

"Nice... kitty?" Hurricane quivered.

The manticore roared at the top of its lungs.

Their screams were heard all the way back at camp. The other Junior Guardponies, Caboose and Fletcher rushed out of their shelters.

"Hurricane!" Caboose gasped.

"Gauntlet..." Fletcher frowned, as he then went back into his tent... and came back out with his bow, as he rushed off towards the direction of the screams, he ordered. “Kids, stay here!"

"Wait for me!" Caboose followed.

At the stream, the manticore lunged. Hurricane and Gauntlet barely managed to dodge, ducking under as it leapt at them. It turned around, and started padding over to them. The two of them of them were trapped against a small ridge, preventing them from running.

"Hurricane!" Caboose yelled, as he and Fletcher came into view.

"Stay calm, kids!" Fletcher called.

"Oh, great." Gauntlet sneered at Hurricane. "Your new coltfriend's here to save the day."

"Seriously?" Hurricane glared. "You're doing this now?"

In her indignation, Hurricane took her eyes off the manticore. Sensing her distraction, it pounced.

"Look out!" Gauntlet pushed Hurricane out of the way, barely avoiding the beast's claws himself. He slapped the manticore's nose with his wings. "Over here, kitty!"

"Gauntlet, what are you doing?" Hurricane asked.

"Distracting it!" Gauntlet yelled, dodging the manticore's swing. "Now run!"

Hurricane rushed over to Caboose and Fletcher.

"Please, help him!" She urged. "That thing'll tear him apart!"

"Not if I can help it!" Caboose declared.

Caboose ran over and jumped on the manticore's back, pinning the scorpion tail as he did. The beast roared, as it tried to shake Caboose off.

"What are you doing, you reckless fool?!" Fletcher yelled.

"What's it look like?" Caboose asked. "Saving the day!"

"Hold on, dad!" Hurricane called.

"I'm holdin', alright!" Caboose cried, as he hung on for dear live, resisting the manticore's attempts to remove him.

"I'll handle this." Fletcher readied his bow. “A good shot to the neck oughta ward him off…”

After a few seconds aiming, he fired the arrow. The arrow flew towards the beast, moments from hitting it’s target... only for it to miss, shearing off a clump of fur.

"What?" Fletcher gaped. "I never miss..."

With one mighty movement, the manticore dislodged Caboose, sending him slamming into the ground.

"How'd I do?" Caboose said dazedly. "Did I break the riding record?"

The manticore swung its claw, slashing Gauntlet's leg.

"AHH!" Gauntlet yelled, dropping to the ground.

"No!" Hurricane yelped.

The manticore closed in on Gauntlet, ready to finish him.

"Not today, whiskers!" Caboose roared, firing a magic flare right at the manticore.

The beast roared in pain and blindness as the flashing light struck.

"Time to kick some tail!" Caboose charged over and pummelled the blinded beast. He punched it in the face, kicked its shins, and pulled its mane.

"Holy Faust..." Fletcher gaped, amazed.

"Go, dad!" Hurricane cheered.

Finally, Caboose grabbed its tail, and started swinging it around, and around... until he let go sending it flying into the horizon.

"So long, snakekitty'!" Caboose called, before turning to the others. "That's how it's done."

"Gauntlet!" Hurricane rushed over. "Are you okay?"

"I've been better..." Gauntlet groaned, holding his bloody leg.

"I'm so sorry." Hurricane wept. "I should never have ignored you. You really are the best coltfriend ever..” Her eyes welled up more. “Or at least... were…”

"It's not all your fault..." Gauntlet groaned. "I totally overreacted. I just... didn't want to lose you."

"But you said-" Hurricane started.

"I was angry." Gauntlet sighed. "Truth is, I love being your coltfriend. And I'd still like to be your coltfriend, if you'll have me."

"Of course I will." Hurricane hugged him gently. "You're the best guy ever."

"What about Fletcher?" Gauntlet asked.

"Fletcher didn't just save me from a manticore." Hurricane grinned. "Forget him. You're my hero now."

"That's all I wanted to hear." Gauntlet smiled, nuzzling against her.

"Please step aside, Hurricane." Fletcher said solemnly. "I must bind Gauntlet's wound."

"Okay." Hurricane nodded with a whimper.

Caboose noticed that Fletcher had an odd look on his face as he helped Gauntlet. He wasn't sure quite what it was.

Not long after, they returned to Canterlot, Gauntlet's injuries necessitating a professional's opinion. They took him to the Canterlot hospital, where a doctor looked him over.

"He's going to be okay." The doctor announced. "There'll be some minor scarring, but nothing too serious."

"Thanks, doc." Caboose smiled.

Suddenly, Iron Hooves rushed into the room.

"I came as soon as I heard." He said worriedly. "Are you okay, son?"

"I'm fine, dad." Gauntlet smiled at Fletcher and Caboose. "Thanks to these two."

"Thank you both so much." Iron told them. "You saved my son."

"Actually, the Lieutenant deserves all the credit." Fletcher said quietly. "I... didn't really do anything."

"Huh?" Caboose frowned. "But you-"

"Excuse me." Fletcher sighed, leaving the room.

"What was that all about?" Iron asked.

"Search me." Caboose shrugged. "That's the first time he's actually given me any sort of credit. The new Captain and I haven't exactly been... getting on."

"I've heard." Iron declared. "Some of my old friends in the Guard... But you know, Caboose, I chose Fletcher for my replacement because I knew you could learn from him."

"Really?" Caboose gaped.

"Really." Iron nodded. "Fletcher has all kinds of skills that would work for you just as well. You're already a good Guard, but with his help, you could be greater"

"I didn't really think of it like that..." Caboose frowned.

"And I was hoping you could teach him too." Iron added.

"Me?" Caboose gaped. "What could I possibly teach him?"

"Well, for one, that you don't have be a perfect soldier to be a good one." Iron smiled. "And that you don't always to go by the book. Fletcher's always had some self-worth issues, you see. He thinks the only way he can be of value is to abide by the rules, and never make mistakes. But we both know there's more to it than that, right?"

"Yeah..." Caboose mused, reflecting on Iron's words. "...Right."

The next day, Caboose entered the barracks. He had pondered over what Iron had said about him and Fletcher, and wasn’t sure if he was actually being serious about Fletcher having problems regarding perfection. Fletcher was practically perfection, with a beautiful fiancée, an excellent job, and the respect of everypony around him... except him.

'You know, I really haven't been a good pony to him.' He thought.

'What are you talking about?' His other side asked. 'He's a jerk!'

'Yeah, but he's just trying to do a good job.' His rational self retorted. 'It's not easy, starting a new job in a place...'

'Oh, boo-hoo. Cry me a river!'

'I should go talk to him. Straighten things out.'

'Over my dead body!'

'If you insist...'

'Hey, where'd that axe come from? What are you doing?'

'What do you think I'm doing? Since the needle didn't seem to leave an impression, I need something with a little more... impact.'

'Thunk!'

'Aaaah!'

'Good riddance...'

As Caboose walked past Fletcher's office, something instantly caught his attention as he quickly walked back to see him packing up his possessions from his desk.

"Captain?" Caboose asked. "What are you doing?"

"Oh...” Fletcher looked up for a moment. “Hello, Lieutenant…"

“What are you doing?” Caboose frowned “Why are you packing up your desk?”

“It’s nothing, lieutenant.” Fletcher sighed. “I’m just leaving.”

“Leaving?” Caboose frowned. “As in ‘for a few days’ leaving?”

“No, Caboose... I’m leaving. I’m going back to Norhay.” Fletchter said, though a little more gruff.

“Wha-wha-what?!” Caboose gaped. “Why?! You just got here!”

“I failed, Caboose.” Fletcher said flatly. “Because of me, one of my charges just injured.”

“Is this about Gauntlet?” Caboose stepped into the room. “Fletcher, what happened on that trip wasn’t your fault. It was just a random freak manticore attack. Besides, Gauntlet is fine. He might need physical therapy for a little while, but he’s still kickin’!”

"But he wouldn’t need therapy had I not missed that shot that could had scared the manticore off moments sooner."

“Wait. So... you're quitting because you missed one shot?" Caboose asked.

"It's not the shot that matters." Fletcher declared. "It's the injury that poor colt suffered. I was supposed to protect him... but I didn't. Not only was he a student, but he is the son of the stallion who entrusted me with his position as captain. Not only I failed his son, I failed him!"

“Come on, Captain. Iron doesn’t blame you. No one is blaming you.” Caboose urged, “If this is about the way I acted, I’m-”

“No, Caboose, you don’t need to apologize.” Fletcher shook his head, “All this time, I had been calling you the disgrace to the armor…when it was me who was the disgrace.”

“Fletcher, please…” Caboose murmured, using his first name.

“And when I failed, you face down that manticore like he was just dumb turtle who had beef with a plumber. It only made the feeling of my failure sting even worse.” Fletcher groaned.

“But…how can you give up like this?” Caboose frowned.

"Because I failed as a Guard." Fletcher sighed. "I don't deserve to be here."

"Oh, please, I fail everyday!" Caboose declared. "So much that I could make a comedy sitcom based on it. Heck, I could make seven episodes on how I nearly obliterated YakYakistan. Bottom line, I drop the ball loads of time! But I still try! I never quit! I know it can be easy to get discouraged, but this is ridiculous! "

"This is different, Lieutenant." Fletcher retorted as he glanced out the nearby window. "It’s not the fact that I missed a shot when it count, nor would it be letting some petty criminal get away... one thing that every military force has in common, be they the Royal Guards or the Norhayan Armed Forces, is that their main objective above all else is to protect the innocent." He turned to Caboose, his eyes burning with shame, “Now tell me, Napoleon…if I was supposed to protect the innocents, but couldn’t prevent Gauntlet from getting hurt, what’s to say that I can’t protect my comrades in the heat of battle? Or the other innocent ponies? Or even the ones I love? If something happen to Dove…” He just sat back down in the desk’s chair, bringing a hoof to his face.

“Fletcher... please forgive me if this sounds insensitive...” Caboose frowned. “But so what?” Fletcher glanced up at him with a small glare. “You messed up only once. Nopony’s perfect, not even you and your slightly bigger dingus.”

“...Wait, what was that last part?” Fletcher raised a brow.

“The point is... that one little mistake doesn’t automatically make you the worst Guard in history of ponykind.” Caboose dodged the question, “Neither will any other mistakes you will make. Mistakes are what makes us ponies. But it is absolutely nothing to quit over.”

"Isn’t it though?" Fletcher asked. "I've never failed before. Not to that magnitude."

“And you think leaving will make it feel any better?” Caboose questioned.

"Well, I..." Fletcher frowned.

"Look, I'm not going to lie, you really know how to tick me off, and I don’t get ticked easily." Caboose declared, going up to Fletcher’s face. "But as much as I hate to admit it, you're a good Captain. No, a great captain. Sure, you're uptight, you're a stickler for the rules, your insistence that a bow is better than a crossbow is annoying, and your policy on on-the-job napping is a travesty. But in the end, you always meant well. For all your pompous stupidheadery, you always live up to the ways of the Guard, and your dedication to make sure we all did the same is admirable. And you know what? I respect you for that. And not only me. Your comrades respect you, the civilians respect you, the royals respect you, your fiancée respect you, and heck, my own daughter respect you. But what good is their respect if you are throwing it all away because of a mistake? Gauntlet got hurt, but he'll recover. He is the son of the guy who once fought off a whole pack of Diamond Dogs without getting a scratch on him.” But then, he stepped back. “But if you leave, the Royal Guard won't recover from losing a Captain like you."

Fletcher fell silent, pondering Caboose's words... before breaking into a smile.

"...Thank you, Lieutenant." He declared. "You know, in spite of you being somewhat dim, lacksadaisical, and chronically loose with the laws, you have a good heart. I forget sometimes that a Royal Guard requires compassion to serve others, even if they are sometimes criminals. Just look at you. You care enough to enough give me, the stallion who has given you nothing but a hard time since he got here, a pep talk."

"Aw, y'know..." Caboose said modestly.

"You know what…” Fletcher set his box of things down, “Perhaps I will stay. All the Ulysseses before me never said die, and I don’t intend on breaking that tradition.”

"Now that's what I like to hear." Caboose smiled.

"You know something, Lieutenant?" Fletcher smiled. "I really had you pegged wrong. And for that, I apologize."

"Eh, I've had worse treatment in my life." Caboose shrugged. "But to be fair, I am sorry too. I shouldn’t had been so gung-ho about hating you for being a guy who honors the rules and code of a Royal Guard or being a great soldier. Everypony else was right, you are a great stallion…"

"...Thank you, Lieutenant." Fletcher smiled. “The feeling’s likewise.”

"Well, guess I'd better get back to work." Caboose gave a small smile.

"And so must I." Fletcher smiled. "As you were, Lieutenant."

"I never thought I'd say this, but it's good to know you're here to stay,” Caboose chuckled.

A couple of days later, Caboose and Fletcher's family's gathered for another dinner, this time at Caboose's home. Gauntlet had joined them, having been invited by Hurricane (who had barely let him out of his sight after his injury). Since his leg was still wounded, she was helping him.

"Open wide." She offered a spoon of beans.

"Aah." Gauntlet opened his mouth for the food. "Mmm, good stuff. Thanks, Hurri."

"Anything for you, best coltfriend ever." Hurricane nuzzled him.

"We're so glad you guys finally worked things out." Daring declared.

"Yeah, and now we can enjoy a nice dinner together." Dove added.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Lieutenant." Fletcher apologised. "Especially concerning Hurricane. I had no idea she was... infatuated with me."

"You never do, when it comes to mares." Dove chuckled. "Remember that show of mine, a couple of months back? All those mares flocking you?"

"I thought they were just trying to get good seats." Fletcher shrugged.

"For somepony so smart, your fiancé can be a little oblivious sometimes." Daring joked. "But hey, it's not like I can talk?"

"How do you mean?" Caboose asked. "I don't get it."

"Could you please pass the okra, Lieutenant?" Fletcher asked curtly.

"With pleasure." Caboose nodded, passing the food over.

"Well, look at you two, actually getting along." Daring chuckled.

"Guess you two came to an understanding after all." Dove smiled.

"You could say that, my dear." Fletcher shrugged. "But I prefer to think of it as the two of us gaining a better perspective of each other."

"Whatever that means." Caboose chuckled.

"As long as it means we can all share dinner together, I'm not complaining." Daring grinned.

"Hear, hear." Dove nodded.

"Yeah!" Michael said through a mouthful of food.

"Guess we ought thank Celestia for putting us out there." Caboose admitted.

"Yes." Fletcher nodded. "I guess she knew what she was doing after all."

"She always does..." Caboose grinned. “Yet one can easily knock her out with a chair to the face.”

"Well, nopony's perfect." Fletcher smiled knowingly.

"And nopony needs to be." Caboose smiled. "It's the imperfections that make us interesting."

"In that case, you are the most interesting pony I've ever met." Fletcher grinned.

"Thanks... I think." Caboose chuckled.

'And with that, Caboose and Fletcher began to work together much better. While the way they do things were vastly different and would clash on occasions, they had finally developed a sense of mutual respect. It's quite inspiring really, how two very different ponies could finally put aside their differences. It could even be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...'

Political Problems

'As you can begin to notice, I had been focusing a lot on one of my brothers. Since I had spent a lot of time talking about myself and the history of our crime syndicate before the Crystal Sun incident, the time has come for me to tell you more about each of my brothers. We might get back to Caboose in future chapters, so don't worry about him.'

'To begin, allow me to tell you about the oldest of my brother, Murder Revolver-Ocelot Napoleon... or as many call him, Murray.'

'Murray was always the kind of guy who looks like you can trust with anything. That was a quality not found often among mobsters. It was that quality that allow him to be a social pony. While being the smartest was Lars's thing, Murray had a way with words. Combine that with his good looks, his suaveness, and his unbelievably sexy Spurnish accent (yes, I did say that, even a straight stallion like me finds his voice irresistable) and you got a pony who can blend himself into a crowd, talk his way through securities, out of lethal situations, and into every mares' bed. If Anarchy was still alive, he would be proud of his work.'

'However, while Murray is the perfect social chameleon, it is nothing compared to his true talent: true markponyship.'

'It all started with that bird Murray shot from five miles away when one of us said he couldn't hit a faraway tree. Needless to say, while he didn't hit the tree, he certainly hit a moving object that got in the way. Many would argue that it was just dumb luck, but Murray knew he had a way with the crossbow. That is when he began taking up target practice. Like he does with a mare's body, he knew his way around a firearm. If you gave him something that can shoot, he can learn how to use it with finesse, just like that. It didn't take long for him to master the use of his signature weapon. Soon enough, he was pulling off the kinds of shots someponies would consider impossible, and his prowess became near-legendary among the mafia channels.'

'Indeed, if there was anypony I can count on to look after the mafia when I cannot, it would be Murray. He has the appearance of a simple yet suave businesspony, a heart of gold, and the instinct of a cold and vicious predator. It was because of those instincts that Murray was often chosen to act as a bodyguard of sorts for some of our acquaintances. The family knew that he could be counted on to protect our friends. Why, he even once gathered together a band of merceneries to save a bunch of hostages from pirates. That's how much he cares...'

'It is because of Murray's dependability as a bodyguard that our friendship with Roam's mayor Lee Cavallo truly flourished... it all started on a dark winter's night...'

Many years ago...

In the desolate part of Roam, a carriage was making it's way through the snow-covered streets. The carriage was quite important-looking the carriage, bearing the Bitalian flag, and gleaming with an ebony paint job. This was in stark contrast to the part of town it had entered, which boasted dilapidated buildings and dark alleys. The weak lights of the street lamps cast everything in an eerie glow.

It would be inevitable that a carriage like this would be an easy target for criminals and the like... fortunately, there was a criminal looking out for it.

On one of the rooftops of a nearby building, none other than a younger Murray, bundled up in a thick winter coat, was perched, with a long crossbow with a scope equipped, an steaming mug of hot cocoa, and a radio by his side.

"Brr..." He shivered. "It's freakin' cold tonight."

The ham radio began to buzz to life, as the voice of Clyde Napoleon could be heard.

"Murray, are you in place?" Clyde called.

"Yes, pa." Murray nodded, taking up the transceiver. "And I have visual on the carriage... remind me, why I am covering some rich guy's carriage? I didn't think we cared about rich ponies."

"We don't." Clyde explained through the radio. "But this carriage happens to be escorting a rather new asset of ours. It would be in our best interest that our VIP doesn't come to harm."

"A VIP, eh?" Murray raised a brow. "Sounds pretty major. Don't worry dad, you can count on me."

"You don't have to tell me that, son." Clyde replied, the warmth in his voice belying the cold night air.

Then, down on the streets, shadows began to stir around the carriage.

"Hold on." Murray frowned, as he looked into his scope. "I think I got some movement."

"Okay, son... you know what to do." Clyde declared, "Do me proud."

"No problem." Murray smirked.

From out of the shadows emerged a single stallion. He stepped in front of the carriage, causing the ponies pulling it to stop.

"Can we help you, sir?" One of the pullers asked.

"Yes, actually." The stallion smiled. "You can take a nap."

Suddenly, two more stallions came out of nowhere, knocking out the pullers.

"What's going on out there?" The carriage's occupant called, about to open the door. "Why did we stop?"

"Surprise tax collection." One stallion pulled a knife. "Give us everything you've got!"

"Ah!" The occupant slammed the door, locking it.

Undeterred, the thugs started rocking and striking the carriage, trying to get the occupant out.

"We know you're in there!" One of the thugs, a slate-colored brute with an orange mane and indigo eyes, yelled. "Come on out!"

"No!" The voice in the carriage said petulantly, "You can't make me!"

"Come on, pal, we know you got some goods in there!" One of the cohorts, a dark blue stallion with a black mane and green eyes, sneered, "Either you come out, or we are coming in!"

"And we'll bring you out, piece by piece!" A crimson stallion with a gray mane and brown eyes chuckled.

"Please, just leave me alone!" The voice pleaded.

"'Fraid not, pretty boy!" Another thug chortled, as he pulled out a crowbar. "Don't say we didn't warn you!"

As the thug was about to pry the door open with the crowbar, he was suddenly shot in the chest by a bolt.

"Ahhhh!" He screamed as he fell to the ground.

"What the-?" The slate stallion gaped.

Another thug dashed to the shot stallion, checking his pulse.

"He's dead..." The thug gulped. "I thi-"

The other thug was silenced by a bolt to the bolt. Seconds later, another fell. Then another, another...

"Sniper!" The dark blue one yelled.

"Where is he?" The crimson yelled.

"There!" Another pointed... before getting hit in the head by a bolt coming from the opposite direction.

Soon, with most of their numbers depleted by excellent sniping, the remaining thugs turn tail and ran, keeping their heads low for any future attacks.

"You'll pay for this!" The slate stallion roared to the air. "Just wait and see!"

"Ooh, I'm shaking!" Murray sneered from his perch. "Too bad you can't see me." He then picked up his transceiver, "The threat had been neutralized, pops."

"Excellent." Clyde smirked (though Murray couldn't tell). "You better get down there and make sure our 'friend' is okay."

"On it." Murray nodded as he hung up, downed his cup of now lukewarm cocoa, and made his way down to the carriage.

As he approached the carriage, the occupant of the carriage called out.

"Hello? Is anypony out there? It suddenly got quiet!" The voice yelled.

"Don't you worry, sir." Murray tapped on the door to the carriage, "The others are good and taken care of."

"Oh, thank you!" The occupant of the carriage climbed out. "I thought I was done for!"

"No problem, sir." Murray nodded. "Anything for a VI-" He stopped as soon as he saw the pony coming out. "Wait... Mayor Lee Cavallo?"

It was indeed a young Cavallo, still a little shell-shocked from the experience.

"Um... yes, that's me, Lee Cavallo, mayor for three months..." Cavallo shuddered, "Might I ask who you are?"

"I'm Murray Napoleon." Murray smiled, slinging his crossbow, "Master markspony."

"Napoleon?" Cavallo gaped. "You mean as in Clyde and Anarchy Napoleon?"

"That would be them." Murray nodded. "That's my pa and bro."

"Ah, right, you must be one of the brothers Anarchy told me about." Cavallo sighed in relief.

"Third oldest after my brother Archie and Grim." Murray smirked.

"Well, thanks for the save." Cavallo smiled. "...Although I don't know why you helped me though."

"It's called being a Good Samaritan." Murray shrugged. "That, and pops seem to think you needed me to make sure you got where you need to go safely."

"I see... well, that's two I owe the Napoleon family now." Cavallo sighed, as he sat down on the carriage step. "Not only did I came close to losing everything... I now am indebted to a mob... bet my own dad would be rolling in his grave right now if he heard of this."

"Ah, it ain't that bad." Murray declared. "You're practically a part of their little syndicate. Therefore, you're granted certain 'perks'."

"Such as?" Cavallo asked.

"Well, I hear you have a taste for... exotic substances, shall we say?" Murray smirked. "Not only could we help you acquire them, we can also make sure those tastes are kept out of the public eye."

"You would do that for me?" Cavallo smiled.

"Of course." Murray nodded. "You side with the Napoleons, it's for life. If you need anything, we'll always be there to have your back."

"Over here!" A voice in the distance yelled. "I heard something!"

"Ooh, the cops." Murray frowned. "Gotta go. You gonna be okay?"

"I can manage." Cavallo declared. "And thanks again."

"No problem." Murray shrugged. "Have a good one."

With that, Murray disappeared into the night.

'And after that day, we had kept that promise to Cavallo. Even when he became Prime Minister, he could always count on us to help him out of a jam, while he help us by solving nearly all of our legal problems. It was a mutual friendship that would go on for years... however, that wouldn't last. Especially given how we had to out ourselves for the Crystal Sun incident. Needless to say, it would cause both Murray and May a bit of trouble in...'

Chapter Nineteen: Political Problems

'Despite being scattered, I and my brothers were still a family. We would gather together every so often, and talk about things. Of course, those of us who had settled around Ponyville could do it more often, so I often had Murray, Salt and (whenever he wasn't on the road with Vinyl) Slot over. We would reminisce about old times, have a few laughs, and break out a wine bottle or two, courtesy of Vinny. But one night, we had an unexpected guest...'

One afternoon, the Napoleons brothers who lived in Ponyville were all talking over some drinks.

"Heh, remember the time we brought down the Canter Creeps gang?" Salt chuckled.

"Boy, do I!" Slot snorted. "Salt was like a machine! Poundin' those creeps nonstop..."

"Well, they deserved it." Salt growled. "Crime is one thing, but cheating those poor old folks out of their nest eggs was just plain evil..."

"But we showed 'em, didn't we?" Slot chuckled.

"We sure did." Salt smiled. "The way I hear it, they're still too banged up to do any more scams..."

"Let's move on to more recent matters." Grimoire smiled. "Murray, how's May doing?"

"She's doing great, Grim." Murray smiled. "Being mayor really puts a spring in her step. My gal's doing what she loves... besides me, of course." This prompted a laugh from everypony. "Joke aside, I couldn't be happier for her."

"Good for you." Salt smiled. "A happy wife makes for a happy life."

"Don't I know it." Murray smirked.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Murray asked.

"I'm not expecting anypony..." Grimoire admitted.

Behind the door was Lee Cavallo, sporting his usual suit, though a bit ragged.

"Cavallo?" Grimoire gaped.

"Afternoon, Grim." Cavallo nodded.

"Whoa, what are you doing here?" Slot asked, "A little far from home, are you?"

"What?" Cavallo said shiftily. "A stallion can't come visit some old acquaintances?"

"Not without letting said acquaintances know first." Grimoire declared.

"And no offense, but you never exactly made social calls back in Bitaly." Salt pointed out.

"That can't be true. I always come by for birthdays, don't I?" Cavallo defended.

"Yeah, but most of the time, it's to ask us of something." Slot frowned, "Come on, man, out with it. Why are you really here?"

"Can I come in and sit down, first?" Cavallo asked.

"Sure." Grimoire nodded. "Right this way."

The brothers led Cavallo into the living room, where he sat on a couch.

"So, what's the deal?" Salt asked.

"Well, I..." Cavallo cringed. "...Okay, you got me... I came to ask you for help... as things are... pretty bad back home."

"How bad is 'pretty bad'?" Murray asked.

"Terrible." Cavallo groaned. "Ever since you guys revealed yourselves as mobsters, I was found out almost instantly. The Bitalian government began a thorough investigation into everything I did over the years. Every drug deal, assassination, backroom deal, under-the-table favors... if it was bad, they know about it. It wasn't before long that those vultures in the media to put together a smear campaign. In my own town, I became a pariah! Unable to walk down the streets without getting yelled at or pelted with a tomato! And you wanna know the worst part?!"

"What?" Salt frowned.

"I was impeached!" Cavallo slammed his hoof into his chair, "Not only did the other officials removed me from office as Prime Minister, I was removed from being Mayor. Period! And there's the fact that a mob burned down my house the other day! Things just went to crap!"

"That's rough, old pal." Grimoire said, genuinely sympathetic.

"Yeah, too bad." Slot added.

"You sure didn't deserve all that mess." Salt admitted.

"Private life aside, you were a decent PM." Murray smiled.

"Which leads me to why I'm here..." Cavallo declared. "You guys always got me out of tight jams before. I was hoping you guys could do it again. Use your connections to patch things up. You know, like you did in the old days."

"Sorry, Cavallo." Salt shook his head. "No dice."

"What?" Cavallo gaped. "But you... but I-"

"Look, things have changed, old timer." Slot declared. "We've mostly retired from the mafia-based stuff."

"And even if we hadn't, our 'connections' aren't what they used to be." Grimoire pointed out. "We probably couldn't help you even if we wanted to."

"Come on, guys!" Cavallo begged. "My career's in shambles! My life is in ruins! You guys gotta give me something, because I have nothing!"

"Maybe you should do what we did" Salt declared. "Take this little shake-up to the status quo as a chance to start anew."

"Good thinking, Salt." Grimoire nodded. "Lee, you should see this as a blessing in disguise. A chance to take your life in a whole new direction."

"What if I don't want to take my life in a new direction?" Cavallo shot back. "What if I liked things the way they were?"

"Jeez, quit whining." Slot snorted. "Our lives changed too, but you don't see the rest of us complaining."

"Seriously?" Cavallo growled. "That's all you have to say? After our long history together, you're all just going to sit back and let my entire life go down the crapper?"

"I'm sorry, Cavallo, but let's be honest here." Murray declared. "We always havin' to bail you out of trouble a lot of times in the past. But this is one thing we can't bail you out of."

"Murray..." Grimoire growled.

"But...but..." Cavallo stammered.

"I'm sorry, Cavallo, truly, but this is just karma." Murray explained coldly. "If you hadn't relied on us so many times to clean up your messes, maybe they wouldn't had reacted as violently as they did. This is proof that on your own... your name means nothing."

Cavallo's face turned into a deep scowl.

"Nothing, am I?" Cavallo spat. "Fine. Then I'll relieve you of the burden of having 'nothing' in your fancy new house! Enjoy your new cozy life!"

Cavallo stormed out of the mansion, slamming the door behind him.

"A little harsh, don't you think?" Salt asked Murray.

"Harsh?" Slot smirked. "It was awesome!"

"He needed to hear it." Murray snorted. "We've been supporting the guy for years. It's time he learned to stand on his own four hooves. It's tough love."

"True, but you didn't have to be so blunt about it." Grimoire admonished him.

"Whatever." Murray shrugged. "Any of that fancy cider left over?"

A couple of days later, Murray joined May in her office. The mayoral mare was prepping herself for the next mayoral election, which wasn't really a difficult task given how nopony had really ran against her since she entered office again (everypony being content with her being mayor), making her re-election a mere formality.

"Hey, beautiful." Murray wrapped his hooves around. "Getting ready for the backbreaking campaign trail?"

"You could say that." May chuckled, placing her hooves on his his.

"If you ask me, they should just pack it in." Murray smirked. "What's the point, if you're running unopposed?"

"I actually quite like the election period." May admitted. "It allows to reconnect with the voters, and remind them of how much I'm willing to do for this town."

"Suit yourself." Murray planted a kiss on her cheek. "If you're happy, I'm happy."

"And I'm happy that you're happy that I'm happy." May nuzzling him.

"Still, I think this calls for a pre-re-election celebration." Murray pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses from his saddlebags, and poured them some drinks. "To four more years!"

"Hear, hear." May smiled.

Truthfully, she was putting on a show. May had recently grown dissatisfied with being Mayor, and actually wanted to put her political ways aside. However, she felt she owed it to the voters to not just up and quit. She had hoped that a challenger would arrive, one who could actually dethrone her. But those hopes seemed to have been dashed. She had kept these feelings from Murray, not wanting him to worry.

Just as they were about to touch glasses, they heard a ruckus outside. They peered out the window, seeing a large crowd of ponies.

"What's all this?" May frowned.

"Who knows?" Murray shrugged. "Maybe another of that Pinkie gal's parties. You know how wild they get."

"I don't think it's a party." May declared. "The lack of balloons is a dead giveaway. Maybe we should check this out."

"Guess so." Murray shrugged.

As they went outside, the pair saw ponies carrying signs reading "Change now" and "Way of the future."

"It looks like a political rally." May remarked.

"Seriously?" Murray snorted. "Who'd be dumb enough to run against you?"

As they neared the front of the group, Murray saw a sight that struck him dumb: Cavallo at a podium, in a brand new suit, speaking to the crowd.

"Dear citizens of Ponyville." He announced. "I may be new to this wonderful little town, but new things can be good. The time has come to make a change, and I believe I can be the agent of that change."

"Layin' it on a little thick, aren't you?" Murray said contemptuously.

"I believe you fine folks deserve only the best when it comes to public servants." Cavallo continued. "Sure, my opponent is an excellent mayor, but there's nothing wrong with a new perspective. And I can provide that perspective. I will admit, it may be hard to trust somepony that none of you had ever met before, but I assure you, as my dear old dad used to say 'tomorrow is another day.' And if you choose me to be your new Mayor, I pledge to help make it a good day! Vote Cavallo!"

The crowd cheered for him.

"This can't be real." Murray frowned.

"It seems real to me." May declared, secretly elated to finally have a challenger.

As Cavallo stepped down from the podium, he crossed paths with Murray.

"What did you think of my speech?" He asked. "Too corny?"

"What the buck are you doing here?" Murray growled.

"Running for mayor of course." Cavallo declared.

"But... you can't!" Murray yelled, "In order for someone to run for mayor, they have to had lived here!"

"I do live here now." Cavallo declared. "Moved in a couple of days after visiting the mansion."

"But you were already Mayor of Roam, and Prime Minister of Bitaly!" Murray stated. "And impeached for it!"

"None of which has any bearing here, I think you'll find." Cavallo said smugly.

"But... I.." Murray grasped blindly for another argument. "You can't do this!"

"I think you'll find I can." Cavallo smiled, before turning to May. "May the best pony win, miss Mare, I look forward to a good challenge."

"Best of luck to you." May nodded. "Come on, Murray. Let's get back to the office."

"Be right with you." Murray told her. With a scowl, he rounded on Cavallo. "What do you think you're doing?"

"What you said to do." Cavallo smirked. "I'm beginning anew, with a new place, and a new path... however, I am not ready to give up the life of a mayor. So I am getting back my title by winning this election... and what better way to start then here in the town of the Elements of Harmony?"

"And you just happen to be running against my wife." Murray glared.

"Just sheer concidence." Cavallo nodded.

"Yeah, sure." Murray growled. "A coincidence. You're still gonna get blown out of the water, though. My May's got this in the bag."

"We'll see about that." Cavallo declared.

"Yeah, we will." Murray scowled, before following May back to the office.

"That old coot Cavallo doesn't know what he's getting into." He told May. "You'll flatten him for sure."

"I wouldn't be so sure." May admitted. "He does seem to be quite popular with the voters."

"Not for long." Murray sneered. "The guy's a drug addict, and a total sleaze. He'll be out of favor with the good ponies of Ponyville within days, and you'll be in this office for another four years, you just wait and see."

"Of course, it wouldn't be the end of the world if Cavallo did win." May shrugged. "It would at least mean having more time to spend with you. Maybe even... get to work on a family."

"Uh... yeah... maybe..." Murray said nervously. "But you're going to win, so we won't have to worry about that... In fact, I'm going to do everything I can to get you re-elected!"

May sighed as Murray rushed out of the room. Every time she'd brought up the idea of family, Murray had hastily changed the subject. She was beginning to think he had no interest at all in raising foals with her.

Over the next few days, Murray made it his mission to talk with as many ponies as possible, steering them into agreeing to vote for May. To his dismay, many ponies were ready to cast their votes for Cavallo. Even the likes of Twilight Sparkle had been swayed by him.

"Why would you vote for him?!" Murray yelled. "...With all due respect."

"He has good policies." Twilight admitted. "Besides, I kind of feel sorry for him. Getting removed as Prime Minister of Bitaly... he really had it rough."

"Yeah, yeah, we all feel for him." Murray frowned. "But what about May?"

"She has been a good Mayor." Twilight admitted. "But maybe Cavallo can be an even better one. You never know."

"Well, I do." Murray snarled.

"He did promise to build another library if he got elected." Twilight pointed out. "This town could always use more books."

"Figures." Murray snarled. "The guy's suckin' to folks, promising good stuff in return for votes..."

Murray was right. As he talked to more ponies, it seemed Cavallo had promised things that appealed to them.

"He pledged to lower the tax on imported fabrics." Rarity declared.

"He swore to make more storage houses for mah apples!" Applejack smirked.

"He said he'd raise the air speed limit." Rainbow declared. "Guy's got my vote!"

"He promised to build an animal sanctuary." Fluttershy said softly.

"He promised more cupcakes!" Pinkie cheered.

"Unbelievable." Murray told May. "That slimeball's got 'em eating out of his hoof! You can't stand for this!"

"For what?" May asked. "Cavallo actually doing what a candidate does?"

"But those 'promises' of his are a load of baloney!" Murray yelled. "He'll never live up to them."

"That remains to be seen." May declared. "And getting all agitated over it won't help anypony. Just try and calm down, okay?"

"...Okay." Murray sighed. "Sorry, hon. I just really want you to win."

"I know." May kissed him. "But it's up to the voters who'll win. We just have to hope they make the right decision."

"Yeah, yeah..." Murray sighed. "They voted for you before, so they'll probably vote for you now, right?"

"Right." May nodded. "Same as always..."

As the campaign trailed on, Murray kept a close eye on Cavallo. Everywhere he went, the former Prime Minister was doing everything he could to endear himself to the voters.

He organised a charity tea party in Sugarcube Corner...

Several ponies were gathered in the store. Pots of tea and various confectionary treats covered every table. The treats were labelled with prices ranging from one to three Bits.

"Please, friends, eat to your hearts' content." Cavallo smiled. "Every Bit you spend today goes toward helping starving orphans in Zebrica!"

"Those poor orphans..." Pinkie sniffed. "...Hey, maybe we could send them some cake!"

"Well, that's... an idea." Cavallo shrugged, put off as all newcomers were by Pinkie's odd behaviour.

Murray looked in on things through a window.

"Charity..." He snorted. "That sleaze has never cared about anything like that before. The only helping he's ever done is helping himself!"

Cavallo went bowling with a bunch of ponies at the bowling alley...

"Okay, I'm a little rusty." He declared, standing by the lane with a bowling shirt and shoes. "But here goes...!"

As Cavallo made his move, Murray watched from over by the refreshment stand.

'This oughta be good for a laugh...' He sneered.

Cavallo flung the ball down the alley. To Murray surprise, it knocked down seven pins.

"Well!" Cavaloo smiled, as the patrons cheered. "Guess I've still got it!"

'I don't believe this.' Murray thought. 'Still got it? The guy's never played a sport in his life!'

Cavallo even performed that old classic: Kissing foals.

"Hello, little fella." He told a random foal. "Let's hope your mommy votes Cavallo."

The foal giggled as Cavallo kissed her on the forehead.

'Oh, come on!' Murray cringed, spying from around a corner. 'I thought foals could sense evil...'

On the other side, Murray couldn't seem to get anypony on his side.

"Vote May R. Mare!" He chanted. "If it ain't broke, why fix it!"

Hardly any pony noticed him, choosing to simple walk around him.

"Seriously?" He frowned. "They eat up Cavallo's half-baked tricks, and they don't even notice me?"

As he walked away, dejected, Murray overheard two ponies talking.

"Yeah, they say Mayor Mare's gonna up and quit." One remarked.

"What, and drop right out of the race?" The other frowned. "That doesn't sound like her..."

"That's what I thought." The first one admitted.

'Now that's crazy.' Murray thought. 'No way May would quit. Whoever said that doesn't know what he's talkin' about...'

At first, Murray put no more thought to the rumor. But as the days passed, he started hearing it more and more. And what was worse, more and more ponies were starting to believe it.

"I can't believe she's just dropping out of the race." Chance-A-Lot scowled. "So much for being a dedicated public servant."

"I always knew she'd abandon us one day." Wind Whistler frowned.

"Okay, that's it." Murray snarled. "I've had enough of this rumor. It's time to cut it off at the source, and I think I know where that source is..."

Murray made a beeline for Cavallo's campaign headquarters, kicking the door open.

"Ah, Murray." Cavallo said nonchalantly. "What can I do for you?"

"How about putting an end to the rumor you've been spreading?" Murray growled.

"Rumor?" Cavallo frowned. "What rumor?"

"The rumor that May's gonna quit!" Murray yelled. "I know you started it!"

"Excuse me?" Cavallo said, outraged.

"Don't try and deny it!" Murray yelled. "This is just your speed!"

Cavallo remained silent.

"Everypony, can you excuse us for a minute?" Cavallo suddenly asked the other ponies in the HQ.

Cavallo's spin doctors and campaign managers all left the room.

"Well?" Murray asked. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm afraid you've got the wrong stallion." Cavallo insisted. "I didn't start that rumor."

"Yeah, right!" Murray spat. "Don't give me that, you ungrateful sack of crap!"

"What did you just call me?!" Cavallo snarled.

"You heard me!" Murray yelled. "If it weren't for me and my brothers, you would have been ruined and dead a thousand times over! My dad and big bro got those blackmailers off your back, remember? And have you forgotten what I did for you?!"

"Of course I hadn't." Cavallo glared. "How can I when you keep reminding me over and over?! But you forget that I had more than fulfilled my end of the bargain every time! You think you would had gotten away with half the crap in Bitaly if you hadn't came to me with that offer?"

"Fulfill your end?" Murray scoffed. "Please, as if you can repay everything that we ever did for you! You owe me your life! And not just me! Everypony in this family! It was because of us that you even got into office as Prime Minister, and all the drugs and mares and all that illegal crud you got into! And how do you repay us now? By trying to steal my wife's job! You worthless excuse of a pony being! All you do is take and take and take! Heck, I doubt you even were ever fit to be in a position of power!"

"Of course I was." Cavallo shot back. "My dad was Prime Minister, remember? It's in my blood!"

"Yeah, right." Murray snorted. "I heard about your dad. He was a great PM. He could handle his own business, and he didn't need to be bailed out all the time!"

"Don't you-" Cavallo started.

"Not to mention how you utterly botched the Killsquad situation." Murray spat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cavallo growled.

"You want me to spell it out for you?" Murray sneered. "You sat back and did nothing while that nutjob targeted my family. Maybe if you had half a spine, our dad would still be alive today. Instead, you gave that maniac free reign to do whatever he liked."

"No, I didn't-" Cavallo growled.

"Clyde Napoleon is dead because of you." Murray scowled. "You killed our fath-"

"SHUT UP!"

Murray stopped as he saw fierce anger and what seemed to be tears in Cavallo's eyes.

"...You think I don't know what a horrible pony I was?" Cavallo snarled. "Yes, I was a drug addict. Yes, I abused my powers to suit my needs. And yes, I had used you and your family to take care of my problems a lot more than I should of... is that what you want me to say? To admit how awful of a pony I am?"

"It's a start, yeah." Murray growled.

"But there's something you should know." Cavallo growled. "I'm not that same pony. Me losing everything in Bitaly had made me realize all the bad things I did back then had finally come to bite me in the flank. See this?" He rolled up a sleeve of his jacket, revealing a patch. "This is a drug patch. Ever since I was kicked out of office, I burned, flushed, and destroyed any bit of drugs I had left. I had been clean since then!"

"Oh, and that just magically makes you a better pony?" Murray challenged.

"No." Cavallo admitted. "But I had taken what you guys said about starting anew. Yes, I went into this election just so I suck it to your face. But make no mistakes, my days of relying on you or your brothers are over. When I become mayor, I will do it right. Because believe it or not, I did become a mayor before on my own merits and those promises I made, I will follow through... because that what you guys taught me... to give back to the ponies." And he gave a cold stare. "And as for this rumor about your wife... I had nothing to do with it... but to say the least, it's no rumor..."

"...What?" Murray asked.

"May came to me in the middle of the night." Cavallo declared. "She came to let me know she intended to pull out of the running for mayor."

"She said that?" Murray frowned. "Why would she-?"

"Because she doesn't want to deal with the stress of the job anymore." Cavallo answered. "At least, that's what she told me."

"I... no." Murray scowled. "You're lying. You're lying!"

"My days of lying are over as well." Cavallo frowned, "All I say now is the truth. Don't believe me? Ask your wife."

"Fine, I will!" Murray spat. "Then we'll see who's telling the truth!"

Murray stormed out of the HQ, making a beeline for May's office.

"Where have you been, dear?" May asked.

"I was just over at Cavallo's." Murray declared. "And you would not believe the lie that scum just told me."

"Lie?" May asked.

"He said you came over, and told him you were going to drop out of the election!" Murray snorted. "Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Like you'd ever do that..."

"Well, actually..." May said awkwardly.

"As if you'd ever turn your back on the voters." Murray sneered. "The guy's full of it."

"Murray..." May frowned.

"I knew he was low, but I never thought he'd sink to those depths." Murray snorted. "Slandering his opponent like that. And with a lie like that... Crazy, right?"

"No." May said solemnly. "It's true."

"...Say what?!" Murray gasped. "Why... why would you even...?"

"Because I've had enough." May admitted. "I thought becoming Mayor again would help me recapture my glory days, but gradually, I realized it's not what I wanted. Not anymore."

"I don't believe this." Murray shook his head. "The mare I fell for had integrity. She wasn't a quitter. Why would you throw everything away like that?"

"For us!" May yelled. "Because I want to have a foal!"

"You... you want..." Murray gulped. "No. No way. I'm not ready for that..."

"But I am!" May roared, "Murray, I had dropped hints upon hints that I wanted to start a family with you, but you keep on ignoring them!"

"You know why I keep ignoring them?" Murray asked. "Because I'm not ready to be a father! I'm not ready for the responsibility!"

"Yes, you are!" May shot back. "I've seen you protect others, including me, with every fibre of your being! You'd be a wonderful father."

"There's a difference between protecting somepony and raising them." Murray countered.

"Not a big one." Murray retorted. "Besides, I won't be Mayor forever, which means we'd have to do this sooner or later."

"Then I pick later." Murray said stubbornly.

"And my needs don't count for something?" May asked.

"Of course they do." Murray admitted. "I know you want this, but like I said, I'm just not ready."

"I know you're not." May shot back. "And I'm tired of waiting for you to be ready. I thought me no longer being Mayor would help, but it's obvious you're not ready to grow up!"

"Grow up?" Murray snorted.

"That's right." May declared. "You're too busy playing the big, tough bodyguard to think about raising a family. Not to mention the way you've been acting since Cavallo showed up!"

"Don't even think about taking his side!" Murray yelled. "He's only running for Mayor to spite me!"

"See what I mean?" May said coldly. "Just like a child, you think everything's about you."

"Like you can talk." Murray spat. "What about all those voters out there? The ones who believe in you? You're just gonna snub them all, without caring about their feelings?"

"That's not the same." May said sternly. "Those ponies can get along without me."

"Yeah?" Murray yelled. "Well, let's see you get along without me!"

"Meaning?" May growled.

"Meaning I'm not interested in helping a quitter!" Murray roared. "I'm outta here. Give me a call when you start to see sense!"

"And the same to you!" May shot back.

Murray stomped out into the streets of Ponyville. Night had fallen, casting the town in shadow. Having no other option, Murray decided to ask Salt if he could stay for the night. As he made his way there, he spotted Cavallo going in the opposite direction.

"You want the job? You can have it." Murray said spitefully, glaring at Cavallo.

Unbeknownst to Murray, Cavallo was lost in thought. He had genuinely regretted telling Murray about May's decision. He had just been so angry, he had wanted to hurt Murray as he had hurt him.

'You play hardball, get ready to be hurt...' He thought.

Suddenly, Cavallo was ambushed by a trio of Earth Pony stallions, who dragged him into an alley.

'What the...' Murray thought, witnessing the scuffle. 'Looks like trouble. Heh, I should leave him to it. That would be the smart thing to do...'

"What is this?" Cavallo struggled. "Get away from me! I'm a Mayoral candidate, I'll have you know!"

"Oh, we know." The ringleader declared, coming into the light. He was a dull green stallion with a red Mohawk, an eyepatch (his remaining eye a dark yellow). His cronies were a gray stallion with a black mane, and a black stallion with a gray mane (and both had red eyes).

"Oh, buck." Cavallo gulped. He knew those stallions well.

"Remember us, Mr. Cavallo? We were the guys you were supposed to pay to keep silent about your little Argonuts shipment a long time ago?" The ringleader growned.

"Um, I don't think I recall..." Cavallo shook his head.

"Oh, but we do." The black stallion sneered, "Instead of paying us, we ended up getting a visit from those lousy Napoleon mobsters...and boy, we did not appreciate that."

"What do you want?" Cavallo asked, growing a bit nervous, "Why are you all here?!"

"We heard you'd moved to Ponyville, so we decided to look you up." The ringleader smirked. "Doin' pretty well for yourself, aren't ya? Those small-town ponies really like you."

"Well, I always did think of myself as a charismatic, likable fellow..." Cavallo gulped.

"Wonder what would happen if they knew about your past mistakes?" The gray stallion snickered. "Figure it'd only be right to fill 'em in..."

"No...it won't do you any good." Cavallo stood firm, though his legs were shaking a bit, "I had put my past behind me. I have a clean slate now, and I intend to keep it that way!"

"Is that so?" The ringleader sneered. "Well, buddy-boy, if you don't want us causing problems for this little town, you better give us some lee-way to do as we please..."

"No, never!" Cavallo snarled. "I am done being the doormat! You won't threaten or blackmail me again!"

"Ain't like you got much of a choice." The black stallion declared. "You don't have those pesky Napoleons defending you anymore..."

"Wanna bet?"

The thugs turned to see Murray standing before them.

"Murray!" Cavallo smiled.

"Back off, punks." Murray ordered. "That guy isn't exactly my favourite stallion right now, but I'm not about to let you push him around."

"I didn't know there was a Napoleon around here!" The gray stallion gulped.

"Maybe we should beat it." The black stallion suggested.

"Oh, dry up." The ringleader spat. "There's three of us, and one of him. The odds are in our favour."

"Is that what you think?" Murray asked. "Then try your luck."

"Get him!" The ringleader yelled.

The thugs charged Murray. Even without his trusty crossbow, Murray was no slouch in combat. Even so, he was outnumbered.

The gray stallion went down first, courtesy of a roundhouse. Then the black one kicked Murray from behind. As Murray stumbled, the ringleader punched him in the face.

"Not so tough now, are ya?" The thug taunted.

"I'm just getting started." Murray growled.

"Don't you mean 'finished'?" The black one smirked, tackling Murray.

The two struggled as they fell to the ground, exchanging blows. Murray managed to flip them around, ending up on top. Then he punched the black stallion out.

"Two down, one to go." He said breathlessly.

"I won't go down like those chumps!" The ringleader spat, rushing Murray.

It was a brutal clash. Both sides threw punch after punch. One particularly powerful strike knocked Murray down.

"Scratch one Napoleon." The ringleader sneered, preparing to finish it. Just as he swung his hoof, Murray moved out of the way, and he struck the paved street. "Ahhh!"

Murray launched a haymaker, knocking the thug out.

"Yep." He wheezed. "Still got it..."

"Murray, I..." Cavallo started. "I don't know what to..."

"No prob." Murray waved a hoof. "It's all goooo..."

Murray suddenly collapsed.

"Oh, buck!" Cavallo yelped.

When Murray woke up, he was in the hospital. May and Cavallo were by his side.

"You're okay!" May hugged him. "Cavallo told me everything!"

"What... happened to those thugs?" Murray asked.

"I had the local law enforcement pick them up." Cavallo declared. "Then I rushed you over here."

"I was so worried." May sighed.

"I'm sorry, hon." Murray apologized, "I didn't mean to worry you so much."

"...Thank you, Murray." Cavallo sighed, "I guess that's another one I owe you... so much for not having to rely on you again."

"You owe me nothing." Murray smiled, "I saved your flank because it was the right thing to do, not for just stupid debt. Besides, you got me to the hospital, didn't you?"

"Yeah... but still, you should know that I always appreciated all the things you did for me back in Bitaly." Cavallo admitted, "You guys always had my back... and I guess I took you for granted."

"I guess it goes both ways for us." Murray frowned. "We did leave you hanging when you needed our help, and I shouldn't had say those things about you..."

And I shouldn't have told you about May." Cavallo sighed. "It was a low blow... even for me."

"Let's just let bygones be bygones, okay?" Murray suggested, extending his hoof.

"Gladly." Cavallo took his hoof, and they shook on their agreement.

"And May? I'm sorry I yelled at you." Murray admitted. "If you want to bow out of the race, it's fine with me."

"Thank you, darling." May kissed him. "I should have told you about how I felt a while ago."

"And I should have taken it a little better." Murray sighed. "Boy, I was really raging, wasn't I?"

"It probably wasn't all your fault." Cavallo admitted. "It seems I picked a bad time to intrude on things. It really didn't help your temper, my being here..."

"Eh, water under the bridge." Murray shrugged. "Guess you'll running unopposed, huh?"

"True." Cavallo nodded. "I promise you'll be leaving this town in good hooves, May. I won't make the same mistakes I made before. That's a promise, from one politician to another."

"And a good politician always keeps his promises." May smiled.

"And you? You're one of the best." Murray admitted. "Warts and all. You've got my vote."

"Thanks, old pal." Cavallo smiled.

A couple of days later, May called a press conference. Murray had ensured his brothers were in attendance, not wanting them to miss it. Twilight was also here, having been informed beforehoof of what was about to happen.

"Citizens of Ponyville, it is with a heavy heart that I hereby announce that I am dropping out of the race for Mayor." She announced.

The crowd went nuts. All kinds of questions and shocked reactions filled the air.

"She's dropping out?" Salt asked.

"Didn't see that coming." Slot remarked.

"Did you know about this?" Grimoire asked Murray.

"Sure did." Murray nodded proudly.

"Madam Mayor, what prompted this decision?" Featherweight asked. "While there have been rumors swirling around recently, this reporter did not think they were true."

"I'm afraid they were." May admitted. "While I have enjoyed my time as Mayor, I believe the time has come for me to focus more on my... private life, shall we say? But I have faith in my worthy opponent, Mr Lee Cavallo, to lead Ponyville in my stead."

Cavallo approached the stage, accompanied by cheers from his followers.

"Thank you, May." He declared. "You are leaving this town in good hooves."

"Of that, I have no doubt." May smiled. "Good luck."

As May left the stage, Twilight approached Cavallo.

"Are you ready to be sworn in?" She asked.

"I am, your highness." Cavallo nodded.

"Then let's begin." Twilight smiled.

As the swearing-in commenced, the brothers voiced their reactions.

"Well, this brings back memories." Grimoire admitted.

"Oh, yeah." Slot grinned. "Looks like a piece of home has found its way to us."

"Having Cavallo around could come in useful." Salt admitted. "Sure, we're retired, but you never know when you might need a friend in high places."

"So true." Grimoire nodded. "What about you, Murray? How do you feel about all this?"

"I couldn't be happier." Murray chuckled, as he embraced May.

"You mean it, Murray?" May asked.

"Of course I do." Murray nodded. "Mayor or not, you're still the mare I love."

"Oh..." May sighed.

The two kissed each other deeply.

By that point, the swearing-in was done.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, I present to you your new Mayor: Lee Cavallo!" Twilight announced.

The crowd cheered as Cavallo waved humbly.

"Way to go, C!" Slot called.

"Congrats!" Salt added.

"Just like old times..." Grimoire smiled.

Murray and May didn't say a word, their lips still locked together.

Shortly after, Murray and May paid Cavallo a visit in his office.

"I'm going to miss this old office." May declared. "Take good care of it... and Ponyville, Mr Cavallo."

"You can count on me." Cavallo nodded.

"Looks like I'll have to get a new job." Murray mused.

"Not necessarily." Cavallo pointed out. "As Mayor, I'm going to need a bodyguard. I doubt those thugs would be the last of ponies who would want a piece of me...and from what I've seen, you more than fit the bill. What do you say?"

"I would be honored, sir." Murray smiled. "But could you try and dial down on the hours? May and I have some... work of our own to attend to."

"We certainly do." May chuckled. "A little project that we've left hanging for far too long..."

"Say no more." Cavallo chuckled. "Best of luck to you both."

"Thanks, old pal." Murray grinned. "And good luck with being Mayor."

"Small town like this?" Cavallo asked. "How hard could it be?"

"You'd be surprised..." May smirked knowingly.

'And that is the chapter of how our old friend became Ponyville's new mayor. So far, Cavallo's done a pretty good job of things and he never once asked us to do any dirty work for him. He really turned himself around and showed no sign of turning back. In the meantime, Murray and May have been busy trying for a foal of their own. Nothing so far, except Murray constantly having to put ice packs on his groin (May is really determined, he said), but it's early days yet. Perhaps by the time this memoir is complete, they'll have succeeded. Hooves crossed...but for now, let's move on to my next brother...'

Final Round

'Now, let's move on to Assault Statham Napoleon, better known as Salt. He was always the 'bare-hoof brawler' of our family, preferring physical force over weaponry most of the time. To some, that might sound like a tactical error. But Salt was one heck of a fighter. He could always be counted on to punch his way out of any situation. And he was quite a thief, too; Able to take anything from anypony, often right under their noses. And if the ladies back in Bitaly are to be believed, he was very good in bed. As you can imagine, I wasn't so keen to prove the veracity of that last one, but the rest is right on the money. Salt was always one of our best, able to pull off almost any operation with style and strength.

I recall this one time, back in Bitaly: Tilt Trot, the nephew of a city councilpony we were tight with had been foalnapped, and he had called on our help to find him. The poor kid had a bad leg, meaning he could hardly make a run for it, and our friend feared the worst for him, to the point where he enlisted our services rather than wait for the police to find the kid. Salt had always had a soft spot for foals. Exactly why is hard to say, though my guess is that it was down to Anarchy's demise forcing him to grow up. He missed his own foalhood so much, he felt he needed to be around kids to remind him of what it was like. That at least would explain his hatred of anypony mistreating them.

Either way, the moment he heard about Tilt, he took on the mission with a zeal the rest of us could only dream of. Before long, he had discovered the kidnappers' hideout...'

Salt approached a rundown old motel on the outskirts of Roam. As he neared it, the radio in his saddlebag crackled to life.

"Salt, do you read?" Grimoire's voice issued from it.

"Yeah, I read." Salt answered.

"Where are you?" Grimoire asked.

"I'm outside the old motel on the edge of town." Salt answered. "A stoolie who owes me a favor told me he saw some thugs bringing a squirming pony in a small burlap sack inside. That's gotta be Tilt. I'm going in to get him out."

"What?" Grimoire growled. "No. Wait for the rest of us to join you!"

"No can do, bro." Salt retorted. "I refuse to allow that poor kid to be trapped in those suzzballs' hooves any longer than he already has!"

"Don't be a fool, Salt!" Grimoire yelled. "You don't know how many are in that gang! You can't take them on al-"

Salt shut off the radio.

"Sorry, Grim." He sighed. "Can't afford to wait around..."

Salt put his ear against the door, hearing a quiet snuffling sound.

"Paydirt." He whispered.

With one punch, he knocked the door down, and entered the motel. It was a dark, musty place. It was in shambles, the reception empty and covered in cobwebs. Salt tiptoed through the halls, keeping his ears and eyes open.

"Where are you?" He whispered.

As he continued the search, he saw the door to one of the rooms standing ajar.

"Gee, I wonder what's behind door number two?" He muttered.

Salt nudged his way into the room. At the far side was Tilt Trot. The young colt had an amber coat, blonde mane, and a tap shoe Cutie Mark. He also had a wheel attached to his bad hoof, and a teddy bear clutched in another. He had been bound and gagged, and teary-eyed, obviously frightened.

"Hey, kid." Salt smiled. "I'm here to get you out of here."

Tilt shook his head, muttering wildly.

"Mmmf!" He said through his gag. "Mmmmf!"

"What's the matter?" Salt asked.

Suddenly, the door shut behind Salt, and a dozen Earth Pony stallions emerged from the shadows.

"Sorry, pal." A particularly brutish looking green stallion sneered. "No vacancies."

"Oh, I'm not here for the room." Salt said coolly. "I'm here to pick up your guest."

"You'll have to get through us first!" A grizzled blue stallion snickered.

"Then that's what I'll do." Salt declared.

"Good luck." A indigo stallion snarled. "You're outnumbered a dozen to one."

"True." Salt admitted. "I may actually have to try here."

"Give it your best shot." The stallion smirked. "Get him!"

The stallion charged at Salt. Salt gave the nearest one an elbow to the face, knocking him down, then gave another a haymaker. As the two collapsed, the rest continued on. The blue stallion threw a punch, which Salt caught, and returned with one of his own. The yellow one swung, but Salt ducked, and the blow connected with the jaw of the thug behind him. He then delivered an uppercut to the yellow one, knocking him off his hooves and onto his back. Two tried to strike him at once, but he grabbed their hooves and slammed their heads together. Another tried a flying kick, but Salt caught him in the gut, following up by throwing him at two others.

Just like that, only the green stallion was left.

"Look at that." Salt smirked. "My odds don't look so bad now, huh?"

"Rahhh!" The ringleader lashed out, actually landing a blow at Salt, whose head snapped back from the force. "Hah! How'd ya like that?"

Salt turned to face him, wiping a thin trickle of blood off his lip.

"My turn." He growled.

Salt struck the green stallion hard. The stallion buckled, but stayed standing. He returned the blow, and they swapped punches for a little longer. Just as the stallion was about to hit again, Salt caught his hoof and put him in an armlock.

"Here's a lesson for you." Salt snarled. "Don't! Mess! With! Kids!" He punctuated each word with a punch.

The stallion fell limp, and Salt released him. As the thug dropped to the floor, Salt rushed over to Tilt, and untied him.

"It's okay now, kid." He smiled. "You're going home. I'll bet your mom had been worried sick about you."

"Thanks, mister." Tilt hugged him.

"No problem, kid." Salt smiled. "Just doing what every good samaritan should do."

Before long, Salt had brought Tilt back to his mother.

"Tilt!" The peach mare hugged her son. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"I missed you, mommy." Tilt sniffed.

"Another good deed done." Salt smiled, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Tilt suddenly called, wheeling over to him.

"What's up, kid?" Salt asked.

"Here." Tilt offered him his teddy. "Take this."

"Oh, kid, I couldn't..." Salt protested. He stopped when he saw the look in Tilt's pale brown eyes. He was always a sucker for the old 'doe eyed stare'. "...Okay. I'll take good care of the little guy."

"I know you will." Tilt hugged him again.

"Ah, kid..." Salt gently returned the hug.

'To this day, Salt kept that teddy bear as a memento. He put it on his bedside cabinet, cleaned it once a month, and made sure to keep it in perfect condition. To that end, he cast a powerful protection spell on it; Strong enough, in fact, to allow it to survive the explosion of our old mansion. When Salt moved to Ponyville, the teddy came with him.

I will admit, I was cross at Salt's recklessness when he went in there by himself, but on the other hoof, I was touched by how dedicated he was to helping a foal.

"Don't you ever pull a reckless stunt like that again!" Grimoire yelled at Salt. "Do you even comprehend how badly that could have turned out! Both you and the kid could have wound up dead!"

"Hey, I got the job done, didn't I?" Salt grinned.

"Yes, you did." Grimoire admitted. "That kid's back with his mother because of you. Because you didn't stop until you found and rescued him. Good work, bro."

"Yep." Salt chuckled. "Just add another one to my 'win' column."

"But my point still stands." Grimoire frowned. "You're good, Salt. But you're not invincible. Some day, your luck's gonna run out."

"Heh, not likely..." Salt smirked.

'On the other hoof, if the foal was instead a smoking hot mare, Salt would be just as determined, just in a different way. In fact, him taking down a bunch of thugs was exactly how he met Nurse Redheart and began a loving yet very amorous relationship with her. And it wasn't before long that they were married and Redheart was with foal moment after (Napoleon virility at it's finest).

When the family was outed by the Crystal Sun incident, Salt was one of the first to adjust to his new lifestyle. He moved in with his wife, got a job at the local Ponyville gym training other ponies, and as a boxer himself, always had indulged his boxing hobby by fighting in sparring rings back in Roam. As of now, he is making quite a mark in the local tournaments, doing so well that everypony did not care that he was a criminal, but instead seeing him as a town hero (aside from the Elements of Harmony of course).

However with his foal on the way and a very important match coming up, Salt was about to come face to face with a dillemma, which I would like to call...'

Chapter Twenty: Final Round

In the present, the heavily pregnant Redheart was lying on the couch in the living room. She was wearing earphones on her stomach, a music player broadcasting soothing tunes, which she had been told would be good for the baby. She was in her eleventh month, fully aware of how close the foal was to arriving, and she hoped keeping it calm would mean for an easier birth. Suddenly, the gentle sounds were replaced by something else, something louder...

'Risin' up, back on the streets

Did my time, took my chances...'

"What the-" Redheart frowned, sitting up. She saw Salt, holding the soothing music tape in his hoof. "Salt, what are you doing?"

"Just trying to get our little guy into the fighting spirit." Salt smiled. "If we're going to have a champion in the family, we have to get him started off in the competitive spirit right away. Nothing like 'Eye Of A Tiger' to get my boy into the swing of things."

"Still sure it'll be a 'he', are you?" Redheart asked.

"Of course it's a he." Salt chuckled. "He's going to be a young strapping colt, raring to get his hooves into the ring and carry on my legacy by socking it to his rivals! I can see it now, him holding that champion belt, with me, his father and trainer, by his side, telling him... I'm proud of you, boy..." He felt a small tear. "I'm proud of you."

"If you say so." Redheart said, unable to stifle a chuckle, "But let's not get ahead of ourselves. We don't know for sure if he will even be a 'he'."

"I know he will." Salt grinned, "I have a knack for this sort of things."

Salt had long held the belief that the foal would be a colt, to Redheart's amusement. Though to many, it seemed like Salt just really wanted a son, the truth was far more complicated. It all started during a match against Manehattan's top boxer, Mule-hammer Ali:

Flashback...

It had been a brutal match so far. Both Salt and Ali had given their all, and they were now in the third round. The crowd was cheering for both fighters. Ali, a massive dark brown stallion with a short mustard mane, gray eyes and hammer Cutie Mark, slugged Salt on the chin, and Salt retaliated with a right cross. Ali tottered back, then gave Salt a left hook that made his ears rings. Shaking himself, Salt moved into finish things. He bobbed and weaved around Ali's strikes, then jabbed him from the left. As Ali tried to recover, he struck from the right. A barrage of blows later, and Ali looked like he was done.

'One last move...' Salt thought.

Salt put all his strength in a massive uppercut, knocking Ali out. As the crowd went wild, Salt felt a shooting pain in his hoof. Not wanting to alarm anypony, he put on a brave face, waving to the crowd.

A much less pregnant Redheart, Grimoire, Murray and Slot raced to congratulate him.

"Well done, Salt!" Redheart hugged him.

"Way to go, bro!" Murray cheered.

"You rule!" Slot whooped.

"Thanks, guys." Salt grinned. "I did kick some major flank, didn't I?"

"Just like always." Grimoire admitted.

"We should celebrate your big win." Redheart suggested. "...Maybe by going out to dinner?"

"With pleasure." Salt nodded. "Just let me get changed."

"I'll be waiting." Redheart shared a kiss with her husband.

As Salt left the arena, he pulled off his glove, his hoof still throbbing.

'What's going on here?' He wondered.

Keeping the pain a secret from everypony, Salt booked an appointment with Dr Stable immediately.

"Hello, Mr Napoleon." Dr Stable smiled as Salt entered.

"Hi, Doc." Salt said curtly.

"How's that wife of yours?" Stable asked. "We do miss her, you know."

"Yeah, she was always telling me about how great all her co-workers here are." Salt grinned. "Don't worry, you'll have your best nurse back soon."

"I should hope so." Stable chuckled. "Now, let's get down to business, shall we?"

"I'm just waitin' on you, Doc." Salt joked.

The examination got underway, Stable using a number of procedures to check Salt out.

"So, what's the problem, doc?" He asked, as Stable looked over an x-ray of his hoof. "Pulled muscle, torn ligament, that sort of thing? Probably nothing, right?""

"Well, unfortunately, it doesn't look so good." Stable sighed. "I'm afraid you have a fracture in your hoof."

"A what?" Salt asked.

"A crack." Stable clarified.

"But... but how?" Salt asked. "How did it happen? All I did was punch a guy out. I've done plenty of times before!"

"Well, quite often, things like are caused when you apply stress to a previous injury." Stable remarked. "Were you ever injured in that hoof before?"

"Actually, yeah." Salt recalled. "I punched this wackjob with a metal jaw once. Knocked him out, of course, but the doctor back home said it gave me a hairline crack in my hoof. No big deal."

"Ah, there's the problem." Stable frowned. "While at the time, that injury was nothing, repeated activity in that region has slowly but surely exacerbated it, to the point where it could take no more."

"So... what should I do, doc?" Salt asked.

"I recommend you avoid punching anypony with that hoof." Stable declared. "The more that hoof hits something, the greater the damage will become."

"But I'm a boxer!" Salt yelled. "It's my one true calling! I can't just give that up!"

"Well, it seems you have a choice." Stable declared. "What's more important, your health or your career?"

That was a question Salt couldn't answer himself. He made his way to the mansion, and told Grimoire and Murray (who had dropped by to visit).

"What am I gonna do?" He sighed.

"Tough call." Murray shrugged.

"Have you told Redheart yet?" Grimoire asked.

"No." Salt admitted. "And I'm not going to. I don't want to worry her."

"Don't you think she'll be worried when she hears your hoof snapped in the middle of a match?" Murray asked.

"That's not what's going to happen." Salt growled.

"Maybe you should call it a day when it comes to boxing." Grimoire suggested.

"But... but I can't." Salt frowned. "I'm doing what I love... it helps bring in the money while Redheart is in maternity leave...and what will my kid think of me if he comes into this world to see me as a jobless has-been?"

"What if the foal is a-" Murray was about to point out.

"Don't you start that up again." Salt warned. "I may have a bad hoof, but it won't stop me from giving you a whooping!"

"Speaking of which, you really shouldn't keep going with your hoof in such bad shape." Grimoire insisted.

"Of course I can." Salt said stubbornly. "I just need to figure a way around it..."

"Well... can't you like... box with just the other hoof, or something?" Murray suggested.

"Maybe..." Salt mused. "And I could throw in some extra padding in the other glove, enough to cushion any blows I could throw with my bad hoof..."

"Nothing in the rules says you can't." Murray smiled.

"I still say you should give it up." Grimoire sighed. "I know Redheart would appreciate it. And it's not like you wouldn't be leaving empty-hoofed. I mean, look at you. You've won dozens of matches, plenty of tournaments, you hold the record for fastest knockout... If your foal's not impressed by any of that, then it probably takes after its uncle Caboose."

"But I am so close, Grim." Salt explained, "I had been talking with my manager. They say that I only have a few more matches before I can get a chance to fight the ultimate boxing champion, Stone Wall! If I can just win that champion belt from him, then my son will see me as a legend! Nothing drives a colt to follow in his pop's hoofsteps like that! Just think, we could have ourselves a father/son dynasty of pugilism!"

"But what about what happens inbetween?" Grimiore asked.

"What about it?" Salt shrugged.

"What if you wind up messing up your hoof for life?" Grimoire asked. "What'll happen to your 'legendary status' then?"

"That's not going to happen." Salt said smugly.

"But say it does." Grimoire urged. "How do you think an injury like that will impact on your family life? Imagine that poor kid, having to grow up with a dad who's got a busted hoof... And then there's Redheart. How can you hold her in your hooves when you're missing one?"

"I won't have to worry about, because I'll play it safe." Salt insisted. "Give me a little credit, Grim."

"I'm trying to, which is why I'm asking you to reconsider your course of action." Grimoire declared.

"Not a chance." Salt shook his head. "I'm gonna be the champ no matter what."

"Not the answer I wanted to hear." Grimoire sighed. "Tell me, what's more important: A sport, or the mare you love?"

"You know the answer to that one." Salt declared bluntly. "But this is my dream here. Maybe once the foal is born, and I've had my glory, maybe then I'll throw in the towel. But for now, I'm staying in the ring."

"That's the spirit, bro!" Murray chuckled.

"Just be careful out there, okay?" Grimoire sighed. "Try not to push yourself too hard."

"Relax, Grim." Salt smiled. "It's me, remember?"

"Of course I remember." Grimoire said, adding under his breath "That's the problem..."

And so, Salt changed the way he boxed. In addition to the padding, he started favouring his left hoof. This of course threw his timing and balance off somewhat, as he was used to leading with the right. Thanks to the padding, even blows he launched with his right hoof were less painful (though they still left a twinge afterward). But even with all that, Salt realised that his fighting prowess had been diminished. Even though he was undefeated, each fight grew a little bit harder, and it was starting to become clear that his glory days were behind him.

That was the reason Salt wanted the foal to be a boy. He was hoping the colt could carry on his legacy in the ring after his inevitable retirement.

The present...

Salt was working out in the practice ring when his manager, Bulk Biceps, approached. Bulk was also past his heyday, but he used his knowhow of how to use muscles to teach others how to fight.

"Yeah!" Bulk cheered. "Nice work, Salt!"

"Thanks, double B." Salt smiled.

"You'll need everything you've got for your next fight." Bulk declared. "You take down Sugar Rein Leonard, and you'll be up to fight the defending champ, Stone Wall."

Despite his injury, Salt had been steadily winning his way up the ranks. Sugar Rein Leonard, Whinnyapolis' champ, was next in line, and the only thing between him and the heavyweight champ himself, Stone Wall ("Stoney" to his friends), who had held the title for the past three years.

"You up for it, pal?" Bulk smiled.

"You bet I am!" Salt smirked. "Once I've dealt with Leonard, I'll take down Stoney. With all the big guys I took down in my days, Stoney oughta to be a good show."

"That's the spirit!" Bulk cheered. "You pull this off, and you'll go down in history!"

'Wow, just think: Me, taking on the champion.' Salt thought. 'This is it. My final chance at everlasting glory. If I manage to beat the champ, I'll have a real legacy. A legacy my colt will carry on...'

That evening, he shared the news with Redheart.

"Isn't it great?" Salt grinned. "Me, facing off against Stoney himself? It won't be long now..."

"It certainly sounds exciting." Redheart smiled. "But be careful out there. The last thing our foal needs is for its daddy's handsome face to get messed up."

"Relax, babe." Salt smiled. "You know why they call this guy 'Sugar'? Because beating him's a piece of cake. For me, at least."

"I know you can win." Redheart said lovingly. "Just try not to get too banged up. You can't help me take care of the foal if you're in a full-body cast."

"The only one who'll need that cast is Leonard." Salt said smugly. "He's just a stepping stone to me. Taking on Stoney's the real prize."

"Just try and focus on the here and now, dear." Redheart urged. "This 'sugar' may not be the champion, but he must be good if he's gotten this far."

"Not good enough." Salt smirked. "Seriously, though, I've got this. When have you ever known me to let my guard down?"

"Never." Redheart admitted.

"Exactly." Salt grinned. "And remember to watch the match on the box. Don't want the little fella to miss it. One day, he'll be in the ring himself. Best he gets familiar with it as soon as possible."

"Okay, dear." Redheart rolled her eyes. "Just try not to drag the fight out too long. We both know I could give birth any day now."

"Oh, I wouldn't miss that for the world." Salt smiled, hugging her. "You mark my words, I'll be there to greet our handsome colt when he comes into the world..."

"And that's why I love you." Redheart kissed him.

Over the next couple of days, Salt continued training for his match with Leonard. While keeping his bad hoof protected, he pushed himself like never before, even busting his punching bag. Despite his bluster, he knew Leonard wouldn't go down easy. It was going to take everything he had to beat him...

Meanwhile, Redheart stayed at home, her pregnancy preventing her from being very active. May was currently keeping an eye on her (her schedule being a little more fluid after she stepped down as Mayor).

"How are you feeling?" May asked. "No... alarms?"

"Not yet." Redheart shook her head. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind if the foal came out right this second. I'm starting to get impatient."

"Well, at least you've got a foal in there." May snorted. "Murray and I have been trying and trying, but we've got nothing so far."

"I'm sure you'll get there soon enough." Redheart smiled. "Salt and I weren't even trying, so you guys should be seeing a foal before long."

"I certainly hope so..." May rubbed her woefully flat stomach.

"Well, I know so." Redheart comforted her.

"Thanks, Red." May smiled.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"I've got it." May declared.

Behind the door, was Redheart's old friend and colleague at the hospital, Nurse Sweetheart. She was a pink mare with a purple and white striped mane, held in a bun, with a similar Cutie Mark to her friend's.

"Hello!" She smiled.

"Sweetheart." Redheart smiled. "So good to see you."

"You too." Sweetheart hugged her. "Sorry I haven't been able to visit. Work's been pretty busy lately."

"That's okay." Redheart grinned. "I'm just glad you're here now. So, how are things with you?"

"Can't complain." Sweetheart shrugged. "How about you? It looks like you're just about ready to pop!"

"Tell me something I don't know." Redheart sighed.

"And where's that husband of yours?" Sweetheart frowned. "Why isn't he here, waiting on you hoof and fetlock?"

"He's busy providing for us." Redheart answered. "He's got this big boxing match coming up."

"Boxing?" Sweetheart frowned. "Why would he be boxing?"

"Why wouldn't he be?" Redheart frowned, "Boxing is his thing, you know."

"Well, um..." Sweetheart said awkwardly. "I really shouldn't tell you... I overheard Dr Stable talking to him... shouldn't violate the Hippocratic oath... Didn't Salt tell you?""

"Tell me what?" Redheart growled. "Sweetheart, please. I need to know. What did you overhear?"

"Well, a few months ago, I heard Dr. Stable say that Salt has a pretty nasty crack in his hoof." Sweetheart declared. "He told Salt that if he keeps boxing, it'll just make it worse."

"He said that?" Redheart gaped. "And Salt's still been boxing this whole time?"

"Maybe he had a good reason." May suggested. "Like you said, he is providing for you."

"That's what I thought." Redheart scowled. "Now I'm not so sure..."

Later on, Salt returned from training. As May went to leave, she whispered to Salt "Brace yourself." Thinking he may have misheard her, Salt continued on into the living room, finding Redheart glaring at him.

"Uh... hi, honey?" He cringed.

"Don't you 'hi, honey' me." Redheart spat. "I know what you've been doing."

"And what exactly have I been doing?" Salt tried to bluff his way.

"You've been boxing with an injured hoof!" Redheart yelled. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!"

"Now, honey, just relax-" Salt started.

"Don't tell me to relax!" Redheart yelled. "Not when you've been risking your health day in, day out!"

"I wouldn't say 'risking'..." Salt frowned. "I've been using the other hoof more..."

"And why didn't you tell me?" Redheart asked. "I'm your wife!"

"I didn't want you to worry." Salt declared.

"Well, I'm worried now!" Redheart yelled, before taking a breath and calming down. "Please, Salt. You have to stop this, before you do some irreversible damage to yourself."

"I'm sorry, but I can't." Salt shook his head.

"What?" Redheart frowned. "Why not?"

"Because this is my chance to make my own mark on the world." Salt declared. "To craft a legacy for myself. An example for our colt to look up to."

"At what cost?" Redheart asked. "I've seen a case like yours before. You could lose the use of your entire hoof if you keep this up!"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Salt declared.

"If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for us." Redheart indicated her stomach. "How can you hold your foal in your hooves if one of them is broken?"

"I... well..." Salt stuttered. "That won't happen."

"How can you know for sure?" Redheart shot back. "You should quit while you're ahead."

"What, give up?" Salt snorted. "When I'm so close to becoming the champ? No way!"

"Ooh, you stubborn musclehead!" Redheart lost what little patience she had. "Aren't you listening to anypony but yourself?"

"Of course I'm listening to you." Salt declared. "But you have to listen to me! If I become champion, it'll mean the biggest payday ever. Not only will we be set for when you are not at work, taking care of the foal, but I will finally have something that my colt can be proud of!"

Redheart remained silent for a moment.

"Salt... could you please come with me for a second?" Redheart asked, though her tone seemed to suggest it's anything but a request.

"Yeah, sure." Salt shrugged.

Redheart lead Salt to his trophy room. It contained various awards, trophies and championship belts, and even photos the proudest moments of Salt's boxing career.

"You mean to tell me that our foal won't see how great of a stallion his father is by seeing any of this?" Redheart glared.

"Redheart, it's not-" Salt tried to explain.

"Look at some of these." Redheart explored the room, as she picked up a box and opened it to reveal a whole bunch of medals. "You won easily the most gold medals from the Equestria Games..." She set it down. "You won every tournament you ever entered." She indicated the trophies and belts as she passed them by. "Local, Regional, Coastal... not even counting all the singles matches you've won." She then frowned at Salt. "How can you think that none of this is good enough? Your child is not going to care if you never made it to be champion. It will love you and look up to you no matter what."

"You think I don't know that." Salt countered. "I know the foal will look up to me. But I want to be a father that he can be proud of. A father who's hoofsteps he'll be ready to walk in. A father who will inspire him to be great. If I quit now, all those awards will mean nothing. Our colt will just see me as a quitter. I refuse to let that happen, for his sake. That's why I have to keep going, no matter the cost."

"It's your choice." Redheart scowled. "And I'm afraid I can't accept that."

"But honey..." Salt protested.

"But nothing." Redheart declared. "You wanna fight? Go ahead. But I won't be in your corner. I won't support, or even condone, any of it. Not any more."

"Please, you gotta-" Salt stammered.

"No." Redheart growled, her eyes growing misty. "I won't watch you risk a part of yourself over some foolish idea that you need to be the best. I just can't!"

"...You know what... fine." Salt huffed. "Suit yourself. I'll do this on my own, without the support of my so-called partner. I had taken down armies of ponies before I met you, and I can take another without your help."

"And you'll be sleeping on the couch until you see sense." Redheart added.

"Works for me." Salt spat. "I could use a little alone time."

Without another word, Redheart stomped upstairs. Salt climbed onto the couch, still fuming. As he lay his head down though, his scowl gave way to sadness.

'Alone...' He thought. 'All alone...'

The next morning, Salt and Redheart ate their breakfasts separately. When their paths did cross, they exchanged no words, only angry looks.

Down at the gym, Salt was angrily pounding away at the practice dummy, even using his bad hoof.

"Somethin' wrong, pal?" Bulk asked. "You look kinda... messed up."

"It's nothing." Salt insisted. "Just a tiff with the little mare. No big deal."

"If you say so." Bulk shrugged. "just try and take it easy, okay? Don't want you wearing yourself out before the match."

"Yeah, sure." Salt sighed.

"Great." Bulk grinned.

As Bulk left, Salt's hoof started to hurt.

"Stupid thing." He hissed. "This is all your fault..."

Soon, it was the day of the big fight. All of Ponyville were eagerly awaiting the showdown, ready to cheer on their local hero.

Meanwhile, Salt awoke and went about getting ready, all the while avoiding Redheart. His pride prevented him from the reconciliation he desperately craved. As he left the house, he made a quick glance at his wife, who was sitting on the couch, still not bothering to look at him.

"Well... I'm off." Salt said sadly. "Bye."

"Yeah..." Redheart said morosely. "Bye."

Salt silently cursed himself, then left. As he walked outside, he ran into Slot and Vinyl, who were scheduled to watch over Redheart.

"Good luck tonight, bro!" Slot smiled.

"Yeah, thanks..." Salt sighed.

"What's wrong, Salt?" Vinyl asked.

"I'm sure Redheart will tell you all about it." Salt scowled.

"Hoo, boy." Slot cringed. "That doesn't sound good."

"No, it doesn't." Vinyl agreed.

That afternoon, the Ponyville arena was packed with spectators. Stone Wall himself was there. The gray coated, blue eyed, Black maned stallion (with a Cutie Mark of a stone) was at in the VIP booth, right next to Mayor Cavallo. He was wearing his heavyweight championship belt, which was covered in gold and diamonds.

"Checking out the prospective competition, huh?" Cavallo asked.

"Something like that." Stone shrugged. "Who are you favouring?"

"Salt, no question." Cavallo chuckled. "The guy's a punching machine."

"You don't say." Stone mused.

"Oh, yeah." Cavallo nodded. "Trust me, I know the guy. This fight's pretty much over already. And no offense to you, but you may as well give him that belt of yours right now."

"We'll see..." Stone declared.

Salt stood in one corner of the ring. He knew he had to focus on the match, but he couldn't thinking about Redheart.

"Hey, pal!" Bulk yelled. "Get your head in the game!"

"Yeah, sure." Salt nodded. "I'm in it, alright. In it to win it."

"Yeaaaah!" Bulk cheered. "That's what I like to hear!"

Murray and Grimoire were ringside, providing moral support.

"Come on, Salt." Murray urged. "Remember: You're a winner!"

"Yeah..." Salt sighed. "I'm a winner..."

"What's wrong, Salt?" Grimoire asked.

"Nothing." Salt answered. "Everything's fine. I'm just two fights away from securing my legacy. Things couldn't be better."

"Well, you don't look like it." Murray pointed out.

"I'm smiling on the inside." Salt frowned.

"Just be careful out there." Grimoire urged.

"Yeah, yeah..." Salt sighed.

The referee started speaking.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, welcome to our penultimate match!" He declared. "A clash between the best pugilists Ponyville and Whinnyapolis have to offer. Two stallions go in, one emerges the victor! And that victor will go on to face our reigning champion in the ultimate title match, Stone Wall!"

The crowd cheered, as a spotlight shine on Stone Wall, as he stood and waved to the crowd.

"And if that victor wins, he will earn bragging rights and the official champion belt!" The referee continued, as Stone Wall, with a smirk, held up the said belt, the gold glinting in the light.

The crowd grew louder in noise.

"Without further ado, let's get the intro underway!" The referee continued, "In this corner: the sultan of slugging, the king of clobbering, Sugar Rein Leonard!" The referee ended with a gesture to said fighter.

Sugar Rein, a light blue stallion with an orange mane, blue eyes and black trunks (concealing a bowing glove Cutie Mark) waved to the crowd as they roared for him.

"And in this corner: the rumbler from Roam, the Bitalian stallion, Salt Napoleon!" The referee announced.

The crowd roared again, as Salt held up a hoof in greeting, though not as enthusiastically.

"Now, I want a good, clean fight." The referee declared as Salt and Sugar approached each other. "No low blows, no cheap shots, no eye gouging... okay?"

"No worries, ref." Leonard declared. "I won't need dirty tricks to beat this cream puff."

"'Cream puff'?" Salt snorted. "I'm not the one with 'Sugar' in my name, pal."

"Ooh, tough guy." Leonard sneered. "We'll see how long that lasts..."

"Yeah, we will." Slat said boldly.

The bell rang, and the fight began. Sugar swung first, forcing Salt to dodge. Salt retaliated with a blow that Sugar blocked. As Sugar tried to strike back, Salt blocked, then struck him. As Sugar tottered backwards, Salt glanced at a nearby camera.

'I wonder if Redheart is watching right now?' He thought. 'Probably not, after the way I treated her...'

Salt was so wrapped up in his thoughts, he almost didn't notice Sugar's next attack, only dodging in the nick of time.

'Whoa!' He cringed. 'Too close. Stay focused, Napoleon...'

Meanwhile, back in Salt and Redheart's home, an angry Redheart was watching the match on TV alongside Slot and Vinyl.

"Look at him." Redheart scowled. "The brainless thug, putting his own health at risk over some stupid match..."

"Maybe we could... watch something else?" Vinyl suggested.

"But it's the big fight!" Slot protested, "Pay per view, y'know?!"

"We can watch something else." Vinyl said sternly. "Right, Red?"

"...No." Redheart sighed. "As much as I am furious with that idiot right now, he's still the father of my foal. I need to make sure he's okay. He talks a big game, but he's not a super stallion."

"Hey, you got nothing to worry about." Slot grinned. "Salt's on fire out there! He got this in the bag!"

"Yeah..." Redheart smiled. "He's good at what he does, I'll give... give him... ah!"

"What's wrong?" Vinyl asked.

"I thin-ah!" Redheart cried, as liquid poured down the couch. "My waters just broke."

"Oh, buck!" Vinyl yelped. "I've gotta get you to the hospital!"

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Slot asked.

"No, you have to go get Salt." Vinyl pointed out. "He needs to be there for Red, understand?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Slot sighed. "Too bad it's gotta ruin the fight..."

While Vinyl rushed Redheart to the hospital, Slot ran over to the arena.

Back at the arena, the match continued. Sugar proved to be a tougher opponent than Salt thought. He landed some powerful blows on Salt, more powerful than he'd felt in a while. As the bell for the end of round one rang, the slightly battered Salt returned to the corner.

"Come on, champ!" Bulk urged. "You gotta get back in the zone."

"I'm trying..." Salt said breathlessly. "But this guy's a real tough customer..."

"He ain't nothin'." Murray snorted. "You can take him."

"Murray's right." Grimoire declared. "Despite my personal feelings, I know you can win this."

"Thanks, Grim." Salt took a gulp of water.

"Salt, Salt!"

Salt glanced up as he saw Slot rushing down to the ring.

"Slot?" Salt frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"It's... Red..." Slot wheezed. "She's... the foal's... y'know... on the way out!"

"What?!" Salt gasped. "Now?! Great timing..."

"Oh jeez, it's time!" Murray yelped.

"Who'd a' thunk it?" Bulk frowned.

"Napoleon foals always come when you least expect them..." Grimoire admitted.

"You coming, or what?" Slot asked.

"Yeah, sure." Salt nodded. "Just let me finish this first."

"Seriously?" Slot frowned. "Even I know this is pretty dumb."

"If Slot thinks that, then you know things are bad." Murray declared.

"You should throw in the towel." Grimoire urged. "You're needed right now. Far more than you are here."

"Salt Napoleon has never bailed on a fight before, and he's not starting now." Salt declared. "Besides, it shouldn't take more than another round to finish this. I know enough about childbirth to know it doesn't happen in a snap, so I should have plenty of time."

"Just make it quick." Slot groaned.

"Oh, I got a bad feeling about this." Murray sighed.

"Me too." Grimoire shook his head. "Salt, you fool."

Salt let out a heavy sigh as he approached the center of the ring, the fact that his wife was in pain and needed him right now was looming over his head. He only hoped that he could wrap things up quickly...

"And begin!" The referee declared, as round two began.

Salt struck fast and hard, desperate to end things quickly. Unfortunately, Sugar took everything he had, and returned it with interest; He struck Salt on the nose, causing it to bleed, knocked out a teeth from a jaw strike, and hit him hard in the face, blacking an eye.

As the match continued, Salt's thoughts kept returning to the birth, and something else; The words Grimoire had told him, months ago:

'After all, what's more important: A sport, or the mare you love?'

Those words ran through Salt's head constantly, throwing off his moves. Sugar struck him again, and again, with Salt barely getting a hit in.

"Come on!" Bulk yelled. "Get to it!"

"Salt, do something!" Slot urged.

"Don't give up!" Murray yelled.

"No!" Grimoire called. "Give it up, while you have the chance!"

"Looks like your boy's starting to lose steam." Stone observed to Cavallo.

"No..." Cavallo gasped. "Impossible..."

Salt tried to launch a finishing punch, but was blocked. Smiling, Sugar threw a punch that knocked him back a good few feet. The stallion staggered over to the turnbuckle, breathing heavily.

"Come on Salt, get it together..." He told himself.

As Salt's vision blurred, he glanced into the crowd. He saw Tilt Trot amongst the spectators, no older than he was when Salt rescued him.

"...Tilt?" He gasped.

'No, I'm seeing things...' He thought. 'My head's trying to tell me something. And I know what it is... I put my life on the line to save Tilt, but I can't even quit a lousy boxing match for my own foal. Well, that stops now. I know what I have to do...'

Salt walked back over to Sugar.

"Back for more, huh?" Sugar sneered.

"Yep." Salt nodded. "Let's give 'em one last show."

Salt lashed out with his best moves, landing quite a few blows. But it wasn't enough. Sugar struck back harder, faster. It wasn't long before Salt was on his last legs.

"Say goodnight, Gracie." Sugar wound back for the finishing blow.

'I'm sorry, brothers.' Salt thought as he closed his eyes. 'Sorry, Stone Wall. Sorry, Redheart. And to you, my foal, I'm sorriest of all. Looks like you won't have a legacy to follow after all...'

Sugar's blow struck Salt on the side of his face, sending him falling down to the canvas.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!" The referee counted. "It's all over!"

"What the-?" Cavallo gaped.

"No way!" Murray yelled. "Salt doesn't lose! Not ever! It must be a fix or something!"

"This can't be happening!" Slot shook his head.

"Oh, Salt..." Grimoire sighed. "That it would end like this..."

"Ah, that's a real shame..." Stone shook his head. "For a while there, the guy really looked like he had it in the bag."

The crowd cheered for Sugar, as Sugar raised his hooves in victory... but the cheers died down when they realized Salt was still down. The resident medics placed Salt's prone body on a gurney, and carried him out.

"Oh, buck!" Slot cringed, following them. "I was supposed to get him to the hospital, but not like this!"

"Well on the bright side, he won't have to worry about traffic..." Murray half-joked.

"You know, Salt could have thrown the fight." Grimoire mused.

"You think so?" Slot asked.

"Maybe." Grimoire admitted. "Like Murray said, it would be the fastest way to get there."

"Yeah, that's totally what I meant..." Murray fibbed.

Salt suddenly awoke to find himself in a hospital room, still on the gurney.

"Gah!" Salt clutched the side of his face. "Lauren Faust, that hurt! What the heck did that guy have in his gloves..." Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Redheart..." Then he sat up. "The foal! I'm coming, babe!"

Salt pulled himself off the gurney, falling to the floor.

"OW!" Salt groaned, as he pushed himself back up, and began limping to the delivery room, "Hang in there, baby, I'm coming!"

In the delivery room, Redheart was in the throes of labor, screaming in agony, while Dr Stable did his best to help things along.

"Almost there..." Dr Stable urged, as Redheart groaned.

"I can't believe Salt's missing this!" Redheart yelled, as she half groaned, half sobbed, "Where is he?!"

"Right here." Salt declared, as he pushed open the doors to the room.

"Salt..." Redheart smiled. "I was starting to worry you'd-"

"Miss the birth of my foal? Never." Salt smiled, taking Redheart's hoof. "I'm with you all the way, babe."

"My gosh, Mr. Napoleon, are you alright?" Dr. Stable blanched at his bruised form. "You look like you should be in the ICU!"

"I'll be fine." Salt declared. "If I can take a beating, I can do births with my eyes shut."

"All the same, I think I should call for a stretcher." Stable declared. "Stallions in perfect health have been known to faint during this event. And you look like a strong breeze could knock you over..."

"Nice." Salt frowned. "Kick a guy when he's down."

"Brace yourself, Mr Napoleon." Stable declared. "Brace yourself."

After an hour or so of pain, screaming, and struggling, the birth was over. To his credit, Salt had managed to stay on his hooves and fully conscious the whole (though not without trouble).

"It's a filly!" Stable declared, holding up the foal. She had a white coat and a pink mane, like her mother, but had Salt's green eyes.

"A filly?" Salt asked quietly, as Stable placed her in his hooves.

"Oh, Salt." Redheart sighed. "I know its not exactly what you were hoping for..."

"She's perfect." Salt smiled, tears springing to his eyes. "She's absolutely perfect!"

"Really?" Redheart asked. "But I thought you wanted a colt."

"That was then, and this is now." Salt declared. "And right now, I can't imagine a more perfect foal. So what if she won't be a champion? There are plenty of other professions. Maybe she'll get into medicine, like her mom..."

"I love you, Salt..." Redheart smiled, relieved.

"I love you too, honey." Salt kissed her.

"What should we call her?" Redheart asked.

"I have the perfect name: Lightning." Salt smiled.

"Why Lightning?" Redheart asked.

"Because she's left us both thunderstruck." Salt beamed. "Plus, y'know, it's good name for boxing."

"Fair enough." Redheart smiled, taking the filly in her hooves. "Welcome to the world, little Lightning."

The filly yawned lightly, drifting off to sleep.

The morning after they returned home, Salt and Redheart were cherishing their new foal. Salt had recovered quite well despite his injuries. The scrappy Napoleon had always been a fast healer.

"Who's the cutest little filly ever?" Redheart cooed.

"You are!" Salt told Lightning, who giggled.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Hello?" Salt opened it, revealing none other than Stone Wall, holding his golden belt. "Holy- Stoney?! What in Sam's hill..."

"Eh, yo." Stone smiled.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Redheart asked.

"Well, I wanted to come by and make sure that the 'Bitalian Stallion' was alright after the match." Stone explained with a smile, "And... I wanted to offer my congratulations to him on said match."

"Congratulations?" Salt frowned. "But I lost."

"Actually, you didn't..." Stone Wall said with a wry smile. "You know what calf crunchers are?"

"The steroids?" Salt cringed, "Yeah, said to improve your performances by two hundred percent and double your muscle mass. Not that I would need it. Why you ask?"

"Well, as it turns out, Sugar using some of that stuff before his match with you." Stone declared. "Some of that stuff spilled out of his duffel bag while he was being interviewed, so he was disqualified..."

"Wait, are you saying that..." Redheart gaped.

"Indeed I am. Salt, if you are up for it, we can have our little title match." Stone declared, "Just name the time and place and we can throw down. Whattaya say?"

Salt thought about it for a moment, and sighed.

"Sorry, Mr. Wall." He declared. "I am honored by being offered the opportunity, but I can't. I've got me a bum hoof and I had risking it a lot lately with all the boxing... so last night's match... is my last match, period. I am done with boxing. As of now, I got me a family to look out for."

"Well, if that's the way you want it." Stoney smiled. "I can respect your decision. I wouldn't feel right fighting a stallion who can't fight with all he have. Still, since we might not get a chance to fight in the future, here's something to show your kid when she grows up..."

Stoney took off his belt, and gave it to Salt.

"Whoa, the championship belt." Salt gasped. "I... I can't accept this..."

"Sure you can." Stone smiled. "You're a real champ, Salt Napoleon, so you deserve it. Besides, I got like, a dozen others like it back home, so what's one belt?"

"Okay, I'll take it." Salt smiled. "Thanks, champ."

"No problem... champ." Stone grinned. "See ya around..."

After Stone left, Redheart took a look at the belt.

"How amazing..." She smiled, "I always knew you were the greatest."

"Yeah." Salt grinned, before frowning. "Still, it looks like I'll be looking for a new job. I suppose I could fall back on my trainer job for now... But what full-time profession is there for a pony who knows how to break every part of an equine's anatomy?"

"I've been thinking about that." Redheart smiled. "Maybe you could take a stab at the medical profession."

"Seriously?" Salt asked.

"Of course." Redheart nodded. "It's just like breaking body parts, only in reverse. And I happen to know the hospital could use a couple of new orderlies."

"You may be onto something there, babe." Salt smiled, as he took Lightning in his hooves. "Healing ponies might be just as good a legacy as hurtin' them. And little Lightning here doesn't need to live up to anything. She can be whatever she wants."

Lightning suddenly reached up and bopped Salt lightly on the nose.

"Did you see that?" Salt gasped. "That jab?"

"It was barely a tap." Redheart frowned.

"No, it was a jab!" Salt grinned. "I know, cause I've been playing those boxing training tapes while you were asleep for her. My little gal's got the makings of a champ in here! All it'll take is the right kind of training, and she'll take the boxing world by storm!"

"Anything you say, dear..." Redheart rolled her eyes.

"That's right, li'l Lightning!" Salt swung her around, making her giggle. "You're gonna be a champ someday!"

'And that's Salt's story. After a couple of weeks (and some tuition from Redheart), he got the orderly job, and is actually doing decent work. And when he's at home, he's trying his best to teach Lightning how to box. We all know it's a bit crazy, but nothing we say can sway him, so we've decided to live with it. Besides, Lightning doesn't seem to mind at all. I guess she really is her father's daughter...and honestly, I don't think Salt could be any happier.'

The Straight And Narrow

'And now we move on to Arson Blaze Napoleon, better known as 'Sonny'. Aside from Caboose, he was always the nicest and most mild-mannered out of all of us. He was always the one who says 'look before you leap' and is most of the time, impossible to make mad. Annoy, maybe, but not mad.'

'As his name suggests, he has a artist's touch when it comes to starting fires. After all, he did burn down that warehouse... although, Sonny swears up and down that it was an accident, and all he was trying to do was heat up a can of soup he had on him when he was with Anarchy and co. trying to scope out the place. The warehouse did end up having illegal contraband, so it wasn't a total disaster. Even better, it helped Sonny find his second true calling: cooking and baking.'

'I will not lie, while we are not totally helpless in making food, when it came to our family, our cooking skills were subpar, and we often relied on our other cooks and our mom to make a great meal... but when Sonny got his cutie mark, he decided to take up cooking to hone his fire magic, and a culinary master chef was born. He made some of the best dishes I've ever tasted. His radish ravioli in particular is sublime. We loved his food, and he loved us for it. He hardly ever had a cross word to say to any of us (even Slot), and always ready with some support and a snack.'

'Unfortunately, like the rest of us, Sonny had his own demons to face. But before I get to that, you all should know that this chapter will contain some rather risque material. For anypony that is of a conservative nature (especially in terms of sexuality), you might not find this chapter to your liking, and you should skip ahead to the end.'

'It all started years back, when Sonny joined Lars, Salt, and Caboose on a monster hunting expedition. They had been tasked by 'Fabulous' Fisk Filtcher, a kingpin from San Franciscolt to venture into the frozen north and bring back an exceptionally rare snowbeast. In return, Filtcher would grant us unlimited trade with his city. This was back when we had little stakes in Equestria, so this deal was rather important to us. So off they went, hunting for a snowbeast...'

The four brothers were trekking through the snowy wilds, each wearing fuzzy parkas, face masks, and visors.

"Geez, it's freezing." Salt shivered. "If I lose a hoof to frostbite, somepony's gonna pay for this!"

"Complaining won't keep you warm." Lars scowled.

"Come on guys, let's just try and focus on catching that thing so we can go home." Sonny suggested.

"That suits me fine." Salt scowled.

"That's the spirit, Lars." Caboose smiled.

"I'm Salt." Salt glared.

"Oh, sorry." Caboose frowned. "I can't recognise anypony when we're all covered up like this."

"What about our voices?" Sonny asked. "They're not that muffled."

"I beg to differ, Salt." Caboose retorted.

"Let's just get going." Lars sighed. "Get this over with as soon as possible."

"You got it, Sonny." Caboose nodded.

They soon reached the area which they had been informed was the snowbeast's territory.

"Okay, let's set up that trap." Lars declared.

The trap was a simple one, comprising of a wooden cage, a rope, and a slab of meat.

"Okay, now when the snowbeast comes into the cage, we pull the rope and trap it." Lars smiled. "Simple, right?"

"Sure." Caboose nodded, grabbing the rope. "What could go wrong?"

"A lot, if you're in charge of pulling the rope." Salt glared, snatching the rope.

"Okay, geez." Caboose pouted, "I swear, I mess up catching one Orthros, and you hold it against me forever."

"One Orthros, and a dozen broken bones between us." Salt said darkly.

Sonny placed the meat in the cage.

"Yuck." He cringed. "Can't believe they actually eat the flesh of other creatures. Who does that, anyway?"

There was a rustling in the nearby bushes.

"Shh." Lars hissed. "Get over here, guys. I think we've got a bite."

The brothers hid themselves. A snowbeast emerged from the bushes, obviously drawn by the smell of the meat. It followed the scent into the cage, and starting chewing on the piece of meat."

"Now!" Lars yelled.

Salt yanked on the rope, closing the cage door. The snowbeast, realizing it had been trapped, snarled and roared.

"We did it!" Caboose whooped. "We rock! We rock!"

"Job well done, guys." Sonny smiled.

Before long, they had brought the cage to their camp.

"We finally snagged us a snowbeast." Lars grinned. "I'll go send word to Fisk's boys that we've got it."

"And I'll go grab some firewood for a little celebratory dinner." Sonny smiled.

The two went off in opposite directions, leaving just Salt and Caboose. Before long, Salt felt a pressure in his lower regions.

"I need to take a leak." He declared. "Guard the snowbeast."

"You got it." Caboose nodded. "I will watch over this foul beast, and ensure it will remain contained. This, I swear!"

"Just don't screw up." Salt growled, "The last thing I need is having to explain to Grim again why we've come back empty-hooved and scarred all over."

Salt rushed into the snow, looking for a decent place to go.

"Don't screw up." Caboose snorted. "Gimme a break. Like I can't do anything right..."

"Excuse me."

Caboose turned to see another parka-wearing Earth Pony. The pony's voice was muffled by its mask, making it impossible to know whether it was a stallion or a mare.

"Hi." Caboose waved. "Nice parka weather, huh?"

"Hello." The pony said flatly. "I am Special Agent Sweetie Drops."

"Agent, huh?" Caboose smiled. "Don't see many of them out here. What brings you?"

"Just a routine survey." The pony declared. "Say, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" Caboose asked.

"I need some help with something." The pony declared, pulling out a baseball bat. "Does this look like a high quality bat to you?"

"Beats me." Caboose shrugged. "I'm not into baseball."

"Maybe you can help me test it." The pony suggested.

"How?" Caboose asked.

The agent struck him with the bat.

"Yeow!" Caboose yelped, clutching his head, "What the buck?!"

"Hmm, I'm not sure." The agent mused. "Let me try again."

"No way!" Caboose yanked the bat away with his magic, and with a flick of his horn, the bat was sent flying away, possibly into orbit.

"Fine." The agent shrugged. "The hard way it is."

"What do you mean?" Caboose frowned. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm afraid I can't let you take that snowbeast." The agent declared. "I aim to set it free. And I'm prepared to use force if necessary."

"Well, bring it." Caboose said confidently. "I'll show everypony who's the screw up..."

Caboose threw a punch, but the pony dodged, and Caboose tumbled into a snow drift.

"You sure showed me." The pony said mockingly.

"Oh, that's it!" Caboose charged at the Agent, but the pony stepped aside, sticking out a leg to trip him, and Caboose tumbled into snow once more.

"Had enough yet?" The agent taunted him.

"Nopony makes a fool outta me!" Caboose yelled. He charged right at the agent, who flipped him over, and sent him head-first into a tree.

"Oooh..." Caboose groaned. "Got any maple syrup, Mr. Tree?" He then lapsed into unconsciousness.

"Well, that was easier than I thought." The agent snorted. The agent unlocked the cage. "You're free now. Go!"

The snowbeast leapt out of the cage and ran off into the snow.

"Mission accomplished." The agent declared, walking away.

When Caboose came to, he was surrounded by Salt, Lars and Sonny, all glaring at him through their visors.

"Oh... my head." Caboose clutched his head, as he glanced at his brothers, "Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Caboose..." Lars began, "Where is the snowbeast?"

"Um, right there." Caboose rubbed his head as he got up and pointed to the obviously empty cage, "Right in that... empty... cage..." He drooped. "Oh boy..."

"Oh boy?" Salt glared. "You giant nincompoop! I gave you one job!" He held up a hoof, "One buckin' job! I wasn't even gone for three minutes when I found you lying here with the cage open!"

"But Salt, it wasn't my fault!" Caboose stammered.

"Oh, so the snowbeast magically unlocked the cage's door and walked out?" Lars challenged.

"Well... you see... it... it was..." Caboose murmured, as he then suddenly remembered. "It was that one guy's fault!"

"What guy?" Sonny asked.

"I don't know!" Caboose frowned, "All I know that he was some special agent named Sweetie Drops!"

"Special agent?" Salt deadpanned, "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious, Salt!" Caboose retorted. "The guy attacked me! I put up a good fight, but he had all these mad ninja skills, ninjitsu and chop socky! He knocked me clean out."

"Okay, now I know you're making this up." Lars snarled. "For Faust's sake, brother, you could at least try and make up a believable story."

"But it's true!" Caboose declared.

"Why don't you just admit it?" Salt asked. "You screwed up! Yet again!"

"I didn't, I swear!" Caboose insisted. "He was here!"

"Well, we're the only ones out here, Caboose, so obviously he wasn't!" Lars growled.

"But... but..." Caboose murmured.

"Look, guys, lay off him. Whether he's telling the truth or not, we're still out a snowbeast." Sonny frowned, looking up at the falling snow. "All the tracks are already being covered up, so we can't follow it. And we can't stay out here any longer..."

"Oh, Fisk is really not going to like this." Lars cringed.

'When Fisk found out they had lost their quarry, he wasn't happy...'

"Look, sir, we are really sorry about what happened with the snowbeast and all..." Sonny began.

"But come on, don't take it out on Caboose, he didn't mean to lose the beast!" Salt complained.

The brothers returned to San Franciscolt, and the lavish penthouse of Fisk Filtcher. Fisk was a tan Earth Pony with a long blonde mane, gold eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a rainbow scarf. He had not been pleased to hear of the brothers' failure. Not one bit...

"I'm telling you!" Caboose yelped, hanging upside down from the chandelier. "It was Agent Sweetie Drops!"

"Again with the imaginary agent." Lars rolled his eyes.

"Not that it matters." Salt sighed. "Either way, we returned empty-hoofed."

"Yes, you did." Fisk growled, as his flunkies pointed crossbows at the brothers. "I have to say, I am very disappointed. I expected a little more professionalism when I called upon you guys."

"That is true." Sonny nodded. "But let's not go overboard with the blame. We all make mistakes, right?"

"But I'm telling the truth, guys!" Caboose complained.

"Just stow it, Caboose..." Salt sighed.

"I know this seems bad." Lars cringed. "But are you really going to kill us over this one mistake?"

"Maybe..." Fisk smirked.

"Or maybe you shouldn't." Sonny said nervously.

"You know what? It's not that big a deal." Fisk declared with a shrug. "What's one lousy 'extremely rare' snowbeast? There's no reason we should let a little mishap ruin what could be a wonderful partnership."

"Really?" Sonny smiled.

"Yeah, sure." Fisk grinned. "Just one proviso, okay?"

"Name it." Sonny nodded.

"Go to bed with me." Fisk leered.

"Um... what was that?" Sonny gulped. "I think I misheard you."

"You. Go. To. Bed. With. Me." Fisk said slowly.

"Hold on a sec..." Salt gasped.

"You're..." Lars gaped.

"Gay? Yes, I am." Fisk nodded. "I've always had a taste for stallions, and I'm not afraid to admit it. And I think Sonny here is pretty hot."

"Him?!" Salt snorted. "Please. I'm the looker of the family!"

"Not really the most important matter right now." Lars admonished him.

"Well, Sonny does have a way with fire magic." Caboose shrugged, oblivious. "He can really heat things up."

"I'm counting on that." Fisk smirked.

"Whoa, back up there a minute." Sonny held up his hooves. "Mr. Filtcher, I'm flattered and all, but I'm not gay!"

"So?" Fisk snorted. "Many ponies say that without actually testing it. And not to sound like a sicko, but it's either you and I pork, or I kill your idiot brother."

The flunkies pointed their crossbows at Caboose, prompting him to gulp.

"It's your choice, Sonny boy." Fisk smirked.

"Aw, don't do it, man!" Salt yelled. "It ain't right!"

"Come on, there must be another way!" Lars added.

"What's the big deal?" Caboose asked. "It's just sleeping in the same bed together."

"No, it's not, you idiot!" Salt yelled. "You don't have to do this, Sonny!"

"I think you'll find he does." Fisk said hungrily.

Sonny frowned deeply, but then took a deep breath.

"...Okay, I'll do it." He nodded.

"What?!" Salt and Lars yelped.

"If it saves Caboose's flank, what else matters?" Sonny shrugged. "Let's go, Fisk."

"Gladly." Fisk smiled triumphantly. "My bedroom's right this way. And please, call me 'Fab'."

"Okay... Fab." Sonny cringed.

"Take five, guys." Fisk told his flunkies. "Let the dimwit down, and make sure the others are comfortable. This won't take too long..."

Fisk opened the door to his bedroom, and beckoned Sonny to follow him inside. Sonny gulped, then followed, closing the door behind him.

'Suffice to say, some 'things' went down in there. Sonny came out of there an hour later, and when asked if he was alright, all he did was demanded that none of them spoke of what happened there ever again. Since they were simultaneously glad to be alive and sorry for Sonny to have gone through that experience, none of them pressed the matter further. Sonny confided in me of the basic details, and asked me to make the same promise, I did. I remember thinking how horrible it must have felt for Sonny to betray his own sexuality like that, the poor guy.'

'To be clear, me and my family have no quarrels with colt-cuddlers or filly-foolers or however they call them nowadays. It's just the fact that Sonny was forced to do something like that that left a bad taste in all our mouths. Caboose, of course, felt the worst, especially after we explained to him what being 'gay' meant, and was beside himself with guilt. Fortunately, Sonny held no grudge towards him and over time, Sonny managed to recover from the ordeals. He would eventually meet and marry Bon-Bon, and start up their own restaurant over in Canterlot. They even got married, and settled down into a blissful life together. Things seemed perfect, but Sonny was about to face a blast from the past, one that shook up his life big-time, in a tale I call...'

Chapter Twenty-One: The Straight And Narrow

In the present day, Sonny and Bon-Bon were happily running their restaurant together.

"Table six would like your sumptuous soufflé, honey." Bon-Bon told Sonny.

"Coming right up." Sonny grinned.

Business was certainly booming. Their restaurant had quickly become a 'hot spot' in Canterlot, frequented by some of the trendiest ponies in town, from Hoity Toity to Fancypants. Sonny and Bon-Bon loved their work, and their work was loved by all.

At the end of another busy day, they were closing up.

"Another great day." Sonny smiled.

"It's always a great day with you." Bon-Bon nuzzled him.

"I know." Sonny cuddled her.

"I was thinking we could try that chocolate-covered eggplant recipe of yours tonight." Bon-Bon suggested. "I'm in the mood for something special."

"Great idea, my sweet little candy." Sonny kissed her. "Beautiful and smart. How lucky am I?"

"Flatterer." Bon-Bon nudged him. "Wait until I get you home..."

"Why wait?" Sonny caressed her. "Let's close up fast."

"You got it." Bon-Bon nibbled his ear.

They went to work, double-time. While Sonny was cleaning up the tables, Bon-Bon was in the back, counting the day's take. As Sonny was moving a chair back into position, he heard the ring of the bell as the front door opened.

"Sorry, we're clo-" He stopped in his tracks as he laid eyes on the visitor.

It was Fisk Filcher. A little older, but still easily recognizable.

"Gah!" Sonny nearly leapt out of his coat in horror, "Mr. Filtcher?!"

"Hey, handsome." Fisk smirked.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing here?" Sonny gaped. "What do you want?"

"I heard some news about you and your restaurant on the grapevine." Fisk smiled. "Figured I'd come look you up. You know, for old time's sake. You're doing pretty well for yourself, aren't you? From what I've heard, you cook as well as you screw."

"Fisk!" Sonny hissed as he slammed his hoof against his snout. "Don't say that out loud!"

"Why?" Fisk asked, "I was only complimenting how good in bed you were."

"Well, thanks for that." Sonny said flatly. "As great as it's been catching up, I should remind you that we're closed. Please leave."

"Oh, is that all the thanks I get for a night you'd never forget?" Fisk pouted.

"I couldn't forget it." Sonny scowled. "No matter how hard I tried..."

"Hey, I know you enjoyed it." Fisk smirked.

"...N-no, I didn't." Sonny stuttered, feeling a little flustered.

"What, you think I can't tell when a partner is enjoying himself?" Fisk chuckled. "We were at it for an hour, remember? You must have thought it was pretty great to go that long."

"I was just... living up to our agreement!" Sonny said angrily. "I thought you'd kill my baby brother if you didn't enjoy it!"

"You can pretend all you like." Fisk sighed. "But I know what that night meant to the both of us."

"Sonny?" Bon-Bon's voice called. "Is there somepony there?"

"Nopony, honey!" Sonny yelled. "Just some tourist, looking for directions!"

"'Honey', huh?" Fisk smiled. "So you got yourself a mare? Heheh, not really my type..."

"Well, she's mine." Sonny declared.

"Have you told her?" Fisk said mischievously. "About our special night?"

"No!" Sonny growled. "And I'd prefer that that information stays between us."

"Yeah, sure." Fisk shrugged.

"Really?" Sonny frowned with concern.

"Really." Fisk nodded. "I don't see what the big deal is. When you get right down to it, it's just two dudes mating. It's a beautiful thing. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"For you, maybe." Sonny scowled. "But the love life I have with Bon-Bon is beautiful."

"I'm sure it is." Fisk smiled. "That Bon-Bon's a lucky mare... It was nice seeing you again, Sonny."

"Thank you." Sonny said curtly. "Now please leave."

"Fair enough." Fisk shrugged. "If you ever want to talk about old times, give me a call."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sonny lied through gritted teeth.

"Bye!" Fisk waved, as he exited the restaurant.

Sonny stood where he was, frazzled. Bon-Bon came in from the back.

"Did you give him what he wanted?" She asked.

"Oh, I did." Sonny groaned. "I sure did..."

"How nice." Bon-Bon smiled, oblivious to Sonny's distress. "Now, let's go home. It's been a long, tiring day."

"You have no idea..." Sonny cringed.

That night, Sonny tossed and turned in bed. He was having a most unusual dream:

Sonny was living in bed with Fisk, a plate of chocolate-covered aubergines on the bedside cabinet.

"Just like old times, huh?" Fisk grinned.

"But better." Sonny held a saucy grin that his waking self reserved only for Bon-Bon. He picked up one of the aubergines. "For you."

Fisk opened his mouth, and Sonny fed him the aubergine. Fisk closed his mouth around Sonny's hoof, sucking the chocolate off it.

"Mmm." Fisk smiled. "Guess you really are as good at cooking as you are at screwing."

"Let's find out for sure..." Sonny purred.

They moved in close to each other. Closer, and closer...

"Gah!" Sonny bolted awake suddenly, his face covered in cold sweat. His regular bedmate sat up beside him.

"Sonny?" Bon-Bon yawned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." Sonny declared. "Just a bad dream. ...A really bad dream."

"Okay." Bon-Bon lied back down with a tired smile. "Night."

Sonny tried to get back to sleep, but feared another dream like the one he just had. He eventually managed to sleep, but the worry still ran through his mind.

The next morning, Sonny rushed over to Lars' place, and explained everything.

"So, let me get this straight. You saw Fisk yesterday, and then you dreamt about 'sleeping with him?'" Lars gasped.

"Not only that, I dreamt I enjoyed it!" Sonny grimaced. "I mean, we were eating chocolate-covered eggplants! Eggplants, I tell you!"

"Easy, Sonny." Lars soothed, "It's okay..."

"Okay?" Sonny frowned. "I thought I was past this! It took me months to get over having to do 'things' with him! And now, he comes back into my life and now I am having sex dreams of him?!"

"Now, I am sure there is a explanation for this." Lars declared.

"Like what? What could this possibly mean?!" Sonny spat.

"It's probably nothing!" Lars insisted. "Everypony has weird dreams now and then. Dreams about them doing stuff they'd never do in real life."

"But it seemed so... vivid." Sonny shuddered.

"I'm sure it was just a one-off, brought on by Fisk's visit." Lars said confidently. "You should just forget about it, and get on with your life."

"Yeah, sure..." Sonny muttered, still not convinced.

Over the next few days, Sonny tried to keep the dream out of his mind, instead focusing on Bon-Bon and the restaurant. However, one afternoon, on his way back from the bank...

"It was probably nothing." He told himself. "I'm not gay. If I were, would I be so into Bon-Bon? It's obvious I'm straight!"

As he walked by the park, he caught a glimpse of none other than Shine Paladin working out in the park.

"What's he doing here?" He thought. "Eh, it's no business of mine. Gotta get home..."

But as he made to continue on his way, he couldn't help but notice how the well-built Prince was bending and stretching out every part of him; His legs, wings, his neck, all in the name of keeping fit. For a brief moment, Sonny couldn't take his eyes off him, the former country horse putting his sweat-drenched body, toned by an early life of physical work, through its paces.

At that point, Shine noticed him.

"Oh, hey Sonny!" He waved.

Instantly, Sonny snapped back to his senses, blinking and shaking his head.

"I must have been in the sun too long." He frowned.

As Sonny returned home, Bon-Bon was there to greet him.

"Hey, honey." She smiled.

"Hey." Sonny said awkwardly.

"I've got a special treat for you... truffles!" Bon-Bon grinned.

"Oh... yay!" Sonny said with fake joy. "How'd you get them?"

"A friend owed me a favor." Bon-Bon shrugged. "Ready to give your taste buds a treat?"

"...You know it." Sonny smiled weakly.

The couple ate the truffles together, Sonny desperately trying to put the encounter with Shine out of his mind. But that night, he suffered another dream:

This time, he was in bed with Shine, sharing a plate of truffles.

"Ooh, this is good stuff." Shine smiled, chewing on one. "You certainly don't find these in Dodge Junction."

"Careful now." Sonny told him. "Don't want to mess up that perfect bod of yours with something so fattening."

"I'm not the only one with a perfect bod." Shine caressed Sonny's hoof. "Speaking of which, get that foxy figure over here."

"As you command, your highness." Sonny chuckled snuggling up to him as Shine placed one of his giant wings over him.

Once again, Sonny woke up suddenly. This time, Bon-Bon shifted slightly, but stayed asleep.

'Oy, another dream?' Sonny thought. 'And with Prince Shine this time? What is wrong with me?'

Sonny mopped his brow.

'It's nothing.' He told himself. 'Just some weird dream. Like Lars said, it'll never happen in real life. Now just go to sleep....'

Sonny struggled to sleep, but the fact that he had a second dream about being with a stallion was weighing on him heavily. But he continued to try and focus on his normal life, determined not to dwell on those unsettling dreams. And for well over week, he succeeded. But at a cost...

One morning, as they woke up together, Bon-Bon rolled over to Sonny.

"Hey, sweetie." She purred. "Ready for a little... early morning fun?"

"Oh, I..." Sonny mumbled. Normally, he would quite enjoy the prospect, but any mention of sex caused him to remember his dreams. "I can't. I'm... still a little tired."

"Well, I can help you wake up..." Bon-Bon stroked him amorously.

"Sorry, but I can't." Sonny pushed her hooves away. "Not just now."

"Oh... okay." Bon-Bon sighed, disappointed.

Later that morning, after a trip to the grocery store, Sonny was walking down the streets once more.

'I'm not gay...' He thought. 'I wouldn't be so happy with Bon-Bon if I were...'

However, during all of Sonny's thinking, he did not notice a shady looking unicorn darting behind him, as he past him, snabbing the bag of food that Sonny had bought.

"Hey!" Sonny yelled. "Bring that back!"

"Ya snooze, ya lose!" The Unicorn snorted, as he ran down the streets, letting out a laugh.

Suddenly, the thief was tackled by a Royal Guard, who proceeded to knock him out and tied him up.

"Whoa." Sonny gaped, in awe of the Guard's strength and efficiency.

The Guard stood up, and carried the bag back to Sonny. It was none other than Fletcher Ulysses.

"I believe this is yours, sir." He smiled.

Sonny stared at him for a moment, the sunlight glancing off his armor. He had never seen the new Captain up close before. While he had heard a lot of things from his brother and all the adoration from Bon-Bon, both leaving a bad taste in his mouth, he couldn't deny that the captain certainly was an impressive specimen, even compared to Shine.

"Oh, uh... thanks." He took the bag.

"Happy to help." Fletcher declared with a small smile. "Say, aren't you one of Caboose's brothers?"

"Um, yeah." Sonny nodded. "I'm Sonny."

"The chef, right?" Fletcher declared. "Caboose told me about your culinary talents. Are you as good as he says?"

"Probably." Sonny said humbly. "In fact, I was planning to make eclairs tonight. This bag actually contains all the ingredients."

"Oh, I love éclairs." Fletcher admitted. "Especially the way the chocolate melts in your mouth..."

The hungry look on Fletcher's face made Sonny feel... awkward.

"Maybe I'll drop by for dessert sometime." Fletcher chuckled.

"Yeah, maybe..." Sonny gulped.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a criminal to bring in." Fletcher declared.

Sonny watched as Fletcher hauled up the thief's unconscious body, carrying him to jail. He couldn't help but notice the Captain's sinewy muscles, and the way he hauled his passenger with ease. It caused a shiver to run down his body.

'Wait, what was that?' He thought. 'Probably just a cold wind...'

Sonny couldn't have been more wrong. That night, he had another dream, this time, involving him being in bed with Fletcher...

This time, a plate of éclairs was the main dish.

"Wow, these are good." Fletcher smiled. "And you made them yourself?"

"It was the least I could do after you help me today." Sonny smiled adoringly.

"That's my job." Fletcher smirked. "To protect and..." He eyed Sonny up and down. "...Serve."

"Well, you can serve me right now..." Sonny chuckled. "Get to it, soldier."

"Yes, sir." Fletcher grinned, embracing Sonny.

Once again, Sonny snapped awake.

'Okay, once was weird, twice was unexpected, but three times?!' He thought. 'Why do I keep having these dreams? ...What if it's a sign that I'm... gay? No, I can't be. I like mares. I love Bon-Bon! But if I'm straight, then why am I having these dreams?'

The worries running through Sonny's head began to consume him. The thought that he might actually be gay was becoming all-consuming. It took a heavy toll on his love life; His fears left him unable to enjoy the kisses, cuddles, and other romantic actions from Bon-Bon.

One evening, while they lay on the couch, Bon-Bon tried to indulge in some cuddles... only for Sonny to push her away.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "I thought you loved cuddle time."

"Oh, I do." Sonny told her. "I'm just... not in the mood tonight, okay?"

"Okay..." Bon-Bon frowned. She had noticed that Sonny hadn't been "in the mood" for a while. He had seemed distracted, and hesitant, barely reacting to her advances She was starting to worry that he was becoming bored with her.

'I've got to step up my game.' She thought. 'Before Sonny decides it's not worth it any more!'

One afternoon, in preparation of Sonny's return, Bon-Bon lay on the couch, and coated herself with whipped cream and Belgyum chocolates, fully intending to seduce her husband.

'Sonny loves food, and he loves me.' She smirked. 'He won't be able to resist this!'

As Bon-Bon lay there, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" She purred, thinking Sonny had forgotten his key again.

However, instead of Sonny, Lars and Lyra walked in.

"Hey, Bon-whoa!" Lyra yelped.

"What the-?!" Lars gaped, prompting Lyra to cover his eyes.

"Oh, jeez!" Bon-Bon leapt up, her face burning red. She grabbed a nearby towel, wiping off the food.

"Um... bad time?" Lyra cringed.

"I hesitate to ask, but... what exactly was all that about?" Lars asked.

"It was... for Sonny." Bon-Bon confessed.

"Oh, I get it." Lyra grinned. "Surprise him with the old 'covered with food' trick? Nice. Sorry for ruining it."

"That's okay." Bon-Bon sighed. "It probably wouldn't have worked anyway."

"Oh, I don't know." Lars said, still a little flustered. "It worked for me..."

"What are you talking about?" Lyra asked (while elbowing Lars).

"Sonny... he's been so disinterested in me lately." Bon-Bon sniffed. "Every time I've tried to get close these past couple of weeks, he's pushed me away. I think... I think..." She started to cry. "I think he might be falling out of love with me!"

"Don't talk like that." Lyra comforted her best friend. "Sonny adores you."

"Lyra's right." Lars nodded. "I know my brother, and he'd never fall out of love with you. For crying out loud, he called dibs on you the moment we met you two."

"Then what is it?" Bon-Bon demanded. "What could have happened to make me act like this?"

"I... can't say." Lars frowned, not wanting to sell out his brother's fears.

"Just hang in there." Lyra smiled. "I'm sure this is just temporary. Sonny'll be back to kissing and cuddling with you in no time."

"I hope you're right..." Bon-Bon wiped her eyes.

At one point, Sonny confided in Caboose about his problem, even bringing up the dream about Fletcher. His reaction was... not what Sonny expected.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Caboose laughed madly. "No way!"

"It's not funny!" Sonny growled.

"Sure it is!" Caboose snorted. "Even if you were gay for Fletcher, it wouldn't matter! The guy's so dense when it comes to romance, he makes me look observant!"

"It's not the likelihood of the situation that bothers me." Sonny deadpanned.

"Relax, bro." Caboose smirked. "They're just dreams. It's like leek soup. Sure, it's steamy, but it'll be gone soon enough."

"Thanks for the advice, bro." Sonny sighed, as he made to leave. "It really helps. Though leek soup does sound good..."

"Yep, that's me." Caboose declared "Mr advice. I'm like one of those radio therapists. Only not as ugly..."

The following night, Sonny had the worst dream yet; He was in a hot tub filled with leek soup, joined by Fisk, Shine, and Fletcher.

"Mmm, is it hot in here, or is it just me?" He asked.

"Oh, it's definitely you." Shine grinned.

"Hey, don't hog the hunk." Fletcher smirked. "Leave some for me."

"Both of you get in line." Fisk snorted. "I say him first."

"Easy, guys." Sonny chuckled. "There's enough of me to go around."

"We'll just see about that." Shine smirked. "Fellas?"

"I'm in." Fletcher nodded.

"Try and stop me." Fisk licked his lips.

One by one, they started nuzzling with Sonny, which led to make outs which led to...

"Ahh!" Sonny woke up, nearly screaming his head off. Bon-Bon stirred fitfully in her sleep beside him.

'Okay... okay, that is it!' Sonny thought angrily. 'This has to stop! Before I go dreaming about having a big party full of hot du-' He slapped himself. 'No! Don't even think about it! This has to end!'

The next morning, Sonny rushed over to Lars' place, leaving Bon-Bon alone.

"Oh, Sonny." Bon-Bon sighed. "Where did it all go wrong?"

As she somberly made herself some tea, Bon-Bon heard a knock at the door. She answered it to find Caboose, carrying a bag.

"Hey, Bon-Bon." He smiled. "Where's Sonny?"

"Out." Bon-Bon said flatly. "Don't ask me where."

"Aw, that's too bad." Caboose frowned. "When he and I talked the other day, I went looking into my trunk of old clothes, and found this blast from the past." He pulled out a familiar parka from out of the bag.

"What the..." Bon-Bon frowned, as she felt as she saw that outfit before.

"Pretty neat, huh?" Caboose smiled. "That's quality crystal ewe wool. I wore this during one of our missions to the north, when we were hired to catch this one beast. What was it again? A frost... no, an ice..."

"Snowbeast?" Bon-Bon finished, her eyes lighting up.

"Yeah." Caboose nodded. "How did you-"

"It was you." Bon-Bon frowned.

"Me?" Caboose asked.

"You're the stallion I clobbered to free the snowbeast." Bon-Bon declared.

"What? How can that be?" Caboose frowned. "The only pony that clobbered me was-" Instantly, it clicked in Caboose's mind, as he loudly gasped. "Holy crap! You're Agent Sweetie Drops?!"

"Once." Bon-Bon shrugged. "A long time ago... I swear, I had no idea it was you, Caboose..."

"Nor did I." Caboose growled, "The others didn't believe me, but it was because of you that we failed that mission!"

"I'm sorry about that, but I had to." Bon-Bon declared. "It was my job."

"Job, schmob!" Caboose glared. "Because of you, Sonny had to take it up the butt from the guy we were working for!"

"He... what?!" Bon-Bon gaped.

"He had to... y'know, bump uglies." Caboose told her. "All this time, I thought it was my fault, but now-"

"You can't be serious..." Bon-Bon gasped. "Sonny... actually slept with a guy?"

"Don't believe me?" Caboose growled. "Go ask Lars. He was there. He'll tell you the whole thing."

"You know what?" I think I will." Bon-Bon nodded. "Caboose, would you mind leaving? I have to prepare for something."

"Yeah, sure." Caboose shrugged. "But we're not done talking about this!" He glared... before he give a small smile. "But do let Sonny know I dropped by!"

After Caboose left, Bon-Bon raided an old trunk of her own, looking for some specific items...

Over at Lars' house, Sonny told him of the dreams. Lars was quite disturbed, especially by the last one.

"You all made out in a soup-filled hot tub?" Lars cringed.

"Yes!" Sonny groaned. "You gotta help me, bro. I feel like I'm losing my mind!"

"And I imagine this can't be doing your relationship with Bon-Bon any favors." Lars sighed, not wanting Sonny to know of their encounter.

"It's not." Sonny sighed. "It tears me apart to push Bon-Bon away like that. But I'm afraid to let her near me! Especially if I figure out that the love we have is a sham and I am batting for the wrong team!"

"Just try and calm down, bro." Lars urged. "Now, I've been thinking about this for a while, and from all the data I had gathered from your... dreams... I believe I might have a... rather drastic solution."

"What is it?" Sonny asked. "I'll do anything! Anything to stop me from losing Bon-Bon!"

"Well, all this started after Fisk came to visit you, correct?" Lars prodded.

"Yeah..." Sonny said hesitantly.

"Well, I believe the best way to fix things is to... sleep with him again." Lars suggested.

"What?!" Sonny spluttered. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious." Lars nodded. "Look, this all started after Fisk showed up again. Seeing him brought back the memory of that night, which I believe is the true driving force behind your dreams. The only way to make things right is to just get it out of your system, once and all."

"But I can't!" Sonny cringed. "Not again! What if Bon-Bon finds out? I'll lose her for sure!"

"The way things are going, you're liable to lose her anyway." Lars pointed out. "As repugnant as it seems, sleeping with Fisk may be the only way to save your relationship."

"Ah, jeez..." Sonny wrestled with the decision. "Okay, I'll do it. Give me your phone."

"You got it." Lars passed the device over.

Sonny quickly called up Fisk.

"Hey... Fab, it's me." He whispered.

"Sonny?" Fisk's voice trilled. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Listen, I don't want to beat around the bush." Sonny declared, as he struggled to swallow the bile. "I was thinking, and I was wonder if we could... get together, and relive... past experiences."

"Seriously?" Fisk gasped. "You don't mean..."

"Yes." Sonny sighed.

"Alright!" Fisk whooped. "I'm in!"

"Great..." Sonny cringed. "There's this hotel just outside of Canterlot. We can do it there. Tomorrow night."

"You got it, tiger." Fisk purred, before hanging up.

"Good luck, Sonny." Lars declared. "I'll keep my hooves crossed."

"Something tells me I won't have the same luxury..." Sonny quipped darkly.

"Look on the bright side." Lars assured. "If Bon-Bon does find out, she might find the idea of her husband sleeping with another stallion erotic. It is a mare's fantasy you know."

"Somehow, I doubt she'll see it that way." Sonny sighed.

"Well, if all goes smoothly, your problem will be solved, and she'll never know." Lars declared.

"That's the plan." Sonny nodded.

However, unbeknownst to Lars and Sonny, Bon-Bon had been listening in... using her former secret agent skills to hang outside the house, a high-powered microphone picking up everything.

"So that's it, huh?" She snarled. "That stallion's gonna get it..."

That night, at the Plowza hotel, Sonny, after inquiring at the front desk, went up to Fisk's room.

"Well, hello handsome." Fisk smirked, laying on the bed in a saucy pose, a silk robe adorning his body. "Gotta say, I didn't think this would happen when I looked you up. Not that I'm complaining, though."

"Look, this isn't what you think." Sonny said firmly. "I'm only doing this so I can prove to himself that I'm not gay and thus get back to life as usual."

"Whatever happens, happens." Fisk shrugged, slipping off the robe. "Either way, we're in for a fun night. Now get those hot flanks over here!"

Gingerly, Sonny joined Fisk on the bed. Fisk wrapped his hooves around Sonny's neck and planted a kiss on his lips. Sonny felt... nothing.

"That's weird..." He frowned.

"What is?" Fisk asked.

"...Let's try that again." Sonny declared.

"With pleasure." Fisk grinned.

They kissed again, but Sonny still didn't feel a thing.

"I don't get it." He frowned. "Why aren't I feeling anything? All those dreams can't have been for nothing..."

"You dreamt about me?" Fisk smirked. "I'm flattered..."

"You don't understand!" Sonny growled, "Ever since you came into town, I've been having these weird dreams about you and me doing it, me and Prince Shine doing, me and Fletcher, and all of us at once!"

"Ooh... talk about branching out there, Sonny boy." Fisk mused playfully.

"But why am I getting nothing now?" Sonny frowned. "If I am actually gay, I should have felt something!"

"Speak for yourself." Fisk chuckled, "I am certainly enjoying it!"

"...This was a mistake." Sonny realised. "I should go..."

"Oh, no you don't." Fisk embraced. "You wanted to relive old times, and that's what we're gonna do..."

Suddenly, the door was kicked open, and an angry-looking Bon-Bon bursts into the room.

"Get away from my husband, you... carrot muncher!" Bon-Bon snarled.

"What the buck?" Fisk frowned.

"Bon-Bon?!" Sonny gasped. "How did you-what are you doing here?"

"Saving our marriage!" Bon-Bon roared as she glared at Fisk. "Here's how it's going to go, buster! Either you back away from my Sonny right now, or I'm going to put the hurt locker on you!"

"Whoa." Sonny gaped. He had never seen this side of Bon-Bon before.

"So this is the little lady?" Fisk snorted. "Ya got a real keeper there, Sonny-boy."

"You better believe it." Bon-Bon marched over. "You try to take my hubby? Think again! I didn't turn my back on my career just to have some low-level kingpin take my falafels!"

"Your what?" Fisk frowned. "Look lady, Sonny called me. He wants me! It's not my fault he's not into you! If you want to be mad, be mad at him!"

"Buck you!" Bon-Bon punched him, knocking him to the floor. "He's the sweetest stallion I've ever met! And I'll be bucked ten ways from Tuesday if I let some two-bit fancy boy take him from me!"

"Yeowch!" Fisk nursed his wound. "Easy, lady! It was just a suggestion!"

"Suggest this!" Bon-Bon roared, throwing another punch.

"Not the face again!" Fisk cringed.

Bon-Bon started pummelling Fisk mercilessly. The San Franciscoltian stallion was out cold in moments.

"And for you..." Bon-Bon rounded on Sonny.

"Bon-Bon, I'm sorry!" Sonny cringed. "I thought this was the only way to save our marriage! Please don't hit me!"

"I know why you're here." Bon-Bon declared.

"You do?" Sonny frowned. "How?"

"Well, first Caboose blabbed about your first... run-in with fancy boy down there." Bon-Bon indicated the unconscious Fisk.

"He what?!" Sonny growled. "Oh, that stupid... he's gonna get it..."

"After that, I went over to Lars' and overheard you calling Fisk." Bon-Bon declared.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Sonny sighed. "I should never have done this..."

"It's not this I'm angry about." Bon-Bon told him.

"It isn't?" Sonny gaped. "Then what-"

"I'm angry that you didn't tell me about this problem sooner." Bon-Bon tutted. "I'm your wife. I deserved to know."

"You did." Sonny sighed. "I was just afraid that I really would turn out to be gay, and be forced to leave you. I never want to hurt you, babe, ever."

"I know." Bon-Bon smiled.

"If it helps, I didn't feel anything tonight." Sonny admitted. "I kissed Fisk right on the lips, twice, and didn't feel a thing."

"Oh." Bon-Bon cringed a little. "...Good."

"But you know something?" Sonny suddenly grinned. "Seeing you come in here, all bad-flank, and kicking Fisk's butt? It was really hot!"

"You think so?" Bon-Bon blushed.

"Totally." Sonny purred. "And you know what else? I want you. Right now. Right here on the bed."

"Ooh, you know what would be better?" Bon-Bon suggested. "If we did it on fancy boy's back."

"Ooh, kinky... I like it." Sonny chuckled saucily.

"Then come and get it, big boy." Bon-Bon purred.

"Yeah, I'm in the mood for something sweet..." Sonny grinned.

The two laid down, Bon-Bon right on top of Fisk, and started kissing passionately, which of course led to more... intimate actions.

"What the..." Fisk groaned, waking up in the middle of it. "Oh, eww, eww!"

Sonny grabbed a nearby vase and hit Fisk on the head with it, knocking him out again.

'What a night that was. From what Sonny told me, he and Bon-Bon made love like never before. Sonny's near-miss lit a fire under them. One that lasted, as Lars and Lyra learnt when they visited a couple of weeks later...'

Lars and Lyra were standing in the living room, watching happily as Sonny and Bon-Bon cuddled on the couch.

"You're so gorgeous..." Sonny cooed.

"And you're so sexy..." Bon Bon tickled his chin.

"Not as sexy as you..." Sonny chuckled.

"It's so nice that you two were able to work things out." Lyra smiled.

"I won't lie, I had my doubts." Sonny admitted. "But it's safe to say that everything is A-OK. Hadn't had one dream about another stallion for two weeks now."

"And our love life has been amazing!" Bon-Bon exclaimed proudly. "And we haven't just been going wild. We've also been taking it slow, just holding each other close, stroking and kissing..."

"It's like our first few dates, all over again." Sonny sighed happily.

"Still, I am puzzled." Lars frowned. "I mean, if those dreams Sonny had been having wasn't a product of his homosexual desires, then what was the deal?"

"You know, I'm not sure." Sonny shrugged. "I mean, from what I can remember, it was always me sharing some food with a guy. And not in the simple 'friendly' kind of way."

"Food?" Bon-Bon raised a brow. "Wait, Sonny, do you always dream of food?"

"Not really." Sonny admitted. "I mean, when I had that dream of Fisk and the aubergines, I was planning on making aubergines that day..." Suddenly, something lit up in his brain. "...Then, with Shine, I was sharing truffles with him, and Bon-Bon and I talked about truffles that night..."

"And when you talked about your dream with Fletcher and eclairs, you mentioned how Fletcher stopped a thief from taking the things you needed to make eclairs." Lars murmured. "And with the last one, you mentioned Caboose saying something about leek soup before having that dream..."

"Oh my gosh..." Sonny let out a laugh, as he smiled. "I wasn't thinking about stallions... I was thinking of the food!"

"Well, that's a relief." Bon-Bon chuckled. "...Though I am a little worried about you loving food more than me." She added jokingly.

"Not a chance." Sonny kissed her.

"You seeing Fisk again must had brought back those memories, and with your 'cravings', it must of had some sort of psychological effect on your dreams." Lars smirked. "Fascinating how the equine brain works."

"Guess it's a happy ending for you guys after all, huh?" Lyra asked.

"More than you think." Bon-Bon beamed.

"Pardon?" Lars frowned.

"Shall we tell them?" Sonny asked his wife.

"Oh, yeah." Bon-Bon nodded.

"Tell us what?" Lyra asked.

"I went to the doctor yesterday, and... well, I'm pregnant!" Bon-Bon revealed.

"You are?" Lars gasped.

"Yep." Sonny said proudly. "I'm gonna be a dad!"

"Congratulations, Sonny!" Lars beamed.

"Eeeeee!" Lyra hugged her best friend. "I'm so happy for you! You're gonna make a great mom!"

"I sure hope so." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Lyra's right, honey." Sonny cuddled her. "You'll be the best mom ever."

"And you'll be the best dad." Bon-Bon hugged him back.

"Hey, Lars?" Lyra asked.

"Yes, dear?" Lars replied.

"This give you any ideas?" Lyra grinned.

"Uhh... perhaps?" Lars blushed.

"Maybe we should... get to work, if you know what I mean?" Lyra said saucily. "Luck's never been my thing, so we'll have to try an awful lot, if you catch my drift..."

"I do." Lars chuckled. "Let's get to work."

"See you guys later!" Lyra smiled, as she and Lars left.

"Good luck!" Lars added.

"I don't need luck." Sonny grinned. "Not after finding the hottest mare in the world."

"Oh, Sonny." Bon-Bon melted. "C'mere, you..."

The two embraced in another loving kiss.

'So, that was that. Sonny finally got over his sexual identity crisis, and his and Bon-Bon's sex life became better than ever. And now, the two are expecting a foal. If ever there was proof of Sonny's heterosexuality, it was putting a bun in Bon-Bon's oven. The two are more in love than ever, and I wish them all the best. As for Fisk, he went back to San Franciscolt, and settled down with a fellow named Rupert. So it truly was a happy ending for everypony. But none were more happy than Sonny and Bon-Bon. They had come through that trial with their love stronger than ever, and were ready to share that love with a foal. And that foal will be a lucky one, having two top chefs for parents. The little fella's gonna really look forward to mealtimes...'

Disorder In The Court

'Now we move on to Larceny Atticus "Lars" Napoleon, the brains of our family operation. He was always the logical one, preferring to use his brains in tough spots (but that's not to say he couldn't rumble with the best of them). His intelligence even outstripped Anarchy's (though Anarchy focused his on the family business).

Even as a colt, Lars was always an excellent thief, managing to swipe things from others, usually by employing his smarts to trick them. In fact, there was this one time when a crooked tradespony came to town, looking to fleece some unsuspecting suckers. Lars had Murray keep him talking, then snuck onto the tradespony's cart and took everything the shyster had, without leaving a shred of evidence. As he returned home, carrying in his spoils for all to see, he gained his Cutie Mark, and realised that his special talent matched his name: Larceny.'

'He was truly a pony of many talents; calculating taxes, bank telling, teaching, chemistry, metallurgy and even engineering. His best talents (aside from stealing) lies in lawyering. When it came to courtroom affairs, Lars was unstoppable. He would run mental rings around his opponents, effortlessly taking advantage of any and all legal loopholes, ensuring victory for our side. In fact, there was this one case where he effortlessly defended three of our best operatives (Greg, Big Guns, and Carapace), who had been caught dead to rights by the cops in the middle of a job gone wrong.'

In Roam's main courthouse, Lars, decked out in his best suit, was in the thick of the trial of Greg, Big Guns and Carapace. While the three operatives looked terrified, Lars was cool, calm and in complete control. Grimoire and the others were in the crowd, watching events unfold. The prosecutor was one Johnny Cloprane, an Earth Pony lawyer sent over from the justice department. Johnny was determined to have the three operatives put away, and felt confident he could pull it off.

"Your honor, we have seen the evidence." He told the judge. "We have heard the testimonies from the police officers who arrived on the scene, saying that they caught these three felons with the stolen goods. They are clearly thieves and criminals. At this point, the verdict is a mere formality." He tuned to the jury. "Ladies and gentlecolts of the jury, I trust you will find these criminals guilty. I rest my case."

"This isn't looking too good." Sonny whispered.

"Guess we gotta find us three new operatives." Slot added, "Too bad Buffalos, Griffons, and Changelings are hard to come by in Roam."

"It's not over, fellas." Murray declared.

"Got that right." Salt smiled. "Until the final bell rings, a fight can go either way."

"I'm starving." Caboose muttered. "Why isn't there any food at this court?"

"Keep the faith, boys." Grimoire smiled. "Lars is about to dazzle them. He always wait till the last moment to unleash his secret weapon..."

"Plaintiff, your closing arguments?" The judge, a slate gray Earth Pony, urged.

"Of course, your honor." Lars smiled. He pulled out an easel from under his seat, and brought it with him as he addressed the jury.

"Ladies and gentlecolts of this supposed jury, my opponent would certainly want you to believe that my clients are guilty." He declared. "And he makes a good case. Heck, I almost believed him myself! But, ladies and gentlecolts of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider."

Lars set up an easel, and revealed what was on it; A picture of a large, hairy pony-like creature. The creature was a character from a popular series of films; In fact, everypony in the courtroom knew his name.

"What the buck is he doing?" Gregory asked.

"Got me." Big Guns shrugged.

"Let's hope he's going somewhere with this." Carapace frowned.

The other Napoleons smiled, knowing what was about to happen.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbuccka." Lars declared. "Chewbuccka is a Wookolt, from the planet Kyshyack. But Chewbuccka lives on the planet Endraft. Now think about that; that does not make sense!"

"Dammit!" Johnny scowled. "He's using the Chewbuccka Defense!"

"Why would a Wookolt, an eight foot tall Wookolt, want to live on Endraft, with a bunch of two foot tall Cutiewoks?" Lars asked the jury. "That does not make sense! But more importantly, you have to ask yourself, 'what does that have to do with this case?' Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer, defending three gentlefolk, and I'm talkin' about Chewbuccka! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room, deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emaresipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No!"

The jury stared, utterly nonplussed.

"Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense!" Lars repeated. "If Chewbuccka lives on Endraft, you must acquit! The defense rests, your honor."

Lars took down the easel, and sat back down beside Gregory, Big Guns and Carapace.

"The, ah... jury will now deliberate." The judge said awkwardly.

"What was that?" Gregory asked. "All that crap you just spat out?"

"That was the sweet sound of freedom, gents." Lars smirked.

"Seriously, Mr. Napoleon?" Big Guns frowned. "You think babbling on about a fictional character's choice of home will be enough to turn the tide?"

"Don't be so quick to judge." Carapace declared. "I've heard of Lars winning with this defense before."

"I thought that was just a rumor." Gregory admitted.

"Oh, it's real." Lars smiled. "Trust me, boys. You'll all be walking out as free as birds."

"I sure hope so." Carapace grimaced. "I left my hive because I didn't like cramped spaces. I am not going to spend the next couple of years in a cell."

"You say that like we have a choice." Big Guns declared, as the bailiffs came to lead the trio to the holding cell for the recess period.

A short while later, they all reconvened. The head juror, a periwinkle Pegasus stepped forward.

"Your honor, we, the jury, find the defendants... not guilty." He announced.

"Yes!!" Caboose whooped. "Good call! Good call! Churn the butter!"

Johnny slammed his hoof on his desk.

"Damn you, Napoleon." He growled. "You and your Chewbuccka defense..."

The Napoleons, alongside their operatives, exited the building together.

"What did I tell you guys?" Lars smiled. "I told you it would work."

"I was skeptical." Gregory declared. "but that crazy defense of yours really worked."

"It's funny, though." Big Guns remarked. "You're usually so logical, yet your secret weapon is totally illogical."

"Well, logic can't solve every problem." Lars smiled. "And even illogical things can be utilised to win the day."

"If you guys are confused, then join the club." Slot snarked.

"I've been confused since I got here." Caboose admitted.

"Thanks, Lars." Carapace smiled. "We're all free because of you."

"Think nothing of it." Lars grinned. "After all, we'd hate to lose three of our best operatives."

"Nah, you'd just replace us." Gregory shrugged.

"Of course we wouldn't." Murray declared. "There ain't noponies like you out there."

"That's right." Sonny nodded. "You're a part of our organisation. Practically family, in fact."

"Aw, thanks." Big Guns smiled.

"Enough mush." Salt snorted. "What say we go out to lunch and celebrate?"

"I am pretty hungry." Gregory nodded.

"And maybe later, we can head home, and I can crack open one of my vintage wines?" Vinny suggested.

"With pleasure." Big Guns grinned.

"Then let's get going." Grimoire declared. "We have much to celebrate!"

'Ah, yes. Lars' famous "Chewbuccka Defense". Winning his legal arguments through spouting out utter nonsense about a character from some movie (I don't really know the name... I was never a fan), resulting in the jury being too confused to disagree with him. Not to say that was the only trick Lars had up his sleeve, but it was his most trusted one. It never failed. As such, he tended to save it for the most dire of situations, out of a need to not overly rely on it.

As the years went by, Lars met and settled down with Lyra, the one pony who shared his fascination with so-called "humans." He took a job at the School For Gifted Unicorns in Canterlot. Following our family's outing, he was no longer required to act as a lawyer, though he kept the skills sharp, just in case. Which was just as well, since he was called upon to flew those legal muscles one more time, in a tale we shall know as...'

Chapter Twenty-Two: Disorder In The Court

It was a regular day in Canterlot. Lars had just returned home from teaching at the school. Lyra was already waiting for him.

"Hey, handsome." Lyra grinned, kissing him on the cheek. "How was your day?"

"Not too shabby." Lars smiled. "I taught the students a little about ambiomorphic spells. They picked it up pretty fast. A really sharp bunch of kids, I must say."

"Or maybe they just have a really great teacher." Lyra pointed out.

"Also a good possibility." Lars chuckled. "How about you? How was your day?"

"I hung out with the gals." Lyra declared. "Moondancer and I had a really great talk about the ways of humans. She was a little skeptical at first, but since their existence can't really be denied, she admitted that they could be real."

"That's my girl." Lars chuckled. "Winning through a logical argument."

"I learned from the best." Lyra nuzzled him.

"Another logical statement." Lars grinned, cuddling her. "And I always reward a good student..."

"With more than an A+, I'll bet." Lyra chuckled.

"You know it." Lars kissed her.

At that point, the phone rang.

"Typical." Lyra groaned, as she and Lars separated.

"I've got it." Lars picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Lars." A gruff, yet familiar voice drawled. "Remember me?"

"That voice..." Lars frowned. "Slugfest?"

"The one and only." The voice replied.

Slugfest was one of the Napoleons' associates, a mercenary legbreaker who would put the hit out on anypony... for the right price.

"How exactly did you know I was in Canterlot?" Lars asked.

"It wasn't easy." Slugfest chuckled. "But I tracked you down eventually. Which actually worked out for me, since I need your help."

"My help?" Lars frowned.

"Yep." Slugfest replied. "Truth is, I'm in your area now. The local lock-up, in fact."

"You've been arrested?" Lars asked.

"Yeah, but on a bum rap." Slugfest declared. "And I need your legal know-how to get out."

"Well..." Lars mused.

"Come on." Slugfest pleaded. "I used my one phone call to ask for your help. You gotta say 'yes'!"

Lars mulled things over. It had been a while since he had been in a courtroom setting. It would feel quite good to win just one more case.

"Okay, I'll do it." Lars agreed.

"You're a lifesaver, pal." Slugfest said with relief. "Pop on down the lockup, and we'll talk."

"I'll be there soon." Lars declared, before hanging up.

"Who was that?" Lyra asked.

"An old associate, asking me to defend him in court." Lars declared.

"And you're going to do it?" Lyra frowned.

"I know what you're thinking." Lars told her. "But he told me it's a bum rap. Besides, it's not likely to be anything major."

"Well, if he's a friend of yours, he probably isn't too bad... right?" Lyra smiled hopefully.

"Right." Lars nodded. "He's a legbreaker, not a contract killer. The worse he's ever done is put somepony in traction."

The next morning, Lars trotted over to the police station, discussing the matter with Slugfest.

"So, what exactly are they accusing you of?" Lars asked.

Slugfest, a light brown Earth Pony with a short red mane, blue eyes, and a Cutie Mark of two hooves colliding, scowled angrily.

"They're pulling me in for assaulting and stealing from this big time tycoon guy, Net Profit." Slugfest revealed.

"I've heard of him. He built up this big-time trading company from scratch. Made his first million in less than a year." Lars nodded. "So what's the deal here? You didn't really attack him?"

"Actually, I did." Slugfest admitted. "But it was for a good reason! The guy was takin' money from his own company, leaving his workers with cheap pay and no benefits! My buddy works there. When I found out, I went over to give Profit a piece of my mind. I took some of his money to give to my pal, and when the guy tried to stop me, I gave him a whuppin'. Simple as that."

"Well, if Profit has indeed been embezzling from his own company, that should make this a pretty open and shut case." Lars smiled. "We can get you off on a technicality. Justified use of force."

"Oh, it was justified alright." Slugfest smirked. "Old creep had it comin'."

"You have nothing to worry about anyway." Lars smiled. "I've never lost a case. Not once."

"I know." Slugfest grinned. "That's why I called you."

As the date for the court case rolled towards him, Lars spent much of his time researching evidence and witnesses, and was fairly certain he could win, even without resorting to the Chewbuccka Defense.

"Ah, this feels so good." He told Lyra on the eve of the case. "It's been so long since I've had a chance to put my soliciting skills to the test."

"From what I've heard, you should have no problems clinching this." Lyra smiled.

"Tell me something I don't know." Lars boasted. "I was the best lawyer in Bitaly. I doubt very much that any of Canterlot's legal division can pull one over on me."

"Speaking of, have they said anything about who's representing Net?" Lyra asked.

"Not yet." Lars declared. "I expect I'll find out tomorrow."

The morning, Lars made his way to Canterlot's courthouse, joining Slugfest outside.

"This is it." Slugfest declared, albeit a bit concerned.

"Trust me." Lars urged. "I have this. If we're lucky, we should be done by lunchtime."

"Wish I had your confidence..." Slugfest growled.

At that point, Net Profit arrived. He was a middle-aged stallion with a pale green coat, an amber mane, and brown eyes. His cutie mark was of a profit margin chart, the red line pointing up in a perfect diagonal line. He still had a few bruises from Slugfest's attack. He threw a cold glare at the legbreaker, who fired back a sneer. Lars looked past Net, to his lawyer, and was shocked to see a very familiar face; Luxury.

"What the...?" He frowned. He knew Luxury from his visits to Blazin' Blues, where they occasionally shared drinks and small talk.

"Lars?" Luxury gaped as he saw him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm defending Slugfest." Lars declared. "What about you?"

"I'm representing Mr Profit." Luxury answered.

"You're what?" Lars frowned. "Seriously?"

Luxury had made no secret of his ambition to be a lawyer. Lars wasn't aware he had actually achieved it.

"Seriously." Luxury smiled. "Mr Profit's regular lawyer fell ill, so he called on me to represent him."

"Really now?" Lars smirked, "My, this is going to be easier than I thought."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luxury glared.

"Oh, it's nothing really." Lars shrugged, "It's just that you made a beginner's mistake taking on a case in which I am taking. I had been at this game for far longer than you could possibly had. I am afraid to say that the case is good as lost for you."

"We'll see about that." Luxury glared at him. "Make no mistakes, Lars, I had heard about your skills and while I do respect them, I will not be undermined and I most certainly will not be going easy on you."

"Nor I you." Lars smirked, "May the best stallion win."

"Come along, young one." Profit told Luxury. "Let's get this over with."

"Yes, sir." Luxury nodded.

As Luxury and Profit went inside, Slugfest glanced at Lars.

"You know that kid?" He asked.

"A little, yes." Lars nodded. "But don't worry, you're my client, and I will defend you to my last breath."

"Now that's what I like to hear." Slugfest grinned. "Let's do this."

Lars and Slugfest followed their foes inside. The courtroom was packed, filled with onlookers for the case.

"All rise for the honorable judge Banging Gavel." One of the bailiffs declared.

The judge, an indigo Unicorn with orange eyes, took his place.

"Ladies and gentlecolts of the jury, we are here today to ascertain the guilt or innocence of Mr Slugfest, who is accused of stealing from, and assaulting, Mr. Net Profit.." The judge announced. "Mr Prosecutor, your opening statement."

"Thank you, your honor." Luxury stepped forward. "Ladies and gentlecolts of the jury, on the 5th of last month, Mr Slugfest entered into the corporate headquarters of Mr Profit's company. He then assaulted Mr Profit, and stole a substantial amount of money from his personal safe. Though the money was later recovered, Mr Profit's wounds remain. This was an unprovoked and cowardly act. For these crimes, I believe the maximum penalty should be issued."

"Thank you, Mr. Prosecutor."The judge nodded, as he turned to Lars, "Mr Defense Attorney, your opening statement."

"Thank you, your honor." Lars stood up. "Ladies and gentlecolts of the supposed jury, I intend to prove without a doubt that my client never intended to assault Mr Profit, and was in fact provoked. Moreover, the theft of Mr Profit's money wasn't for my client's personal gain, but for that of a friend, a friend who had been cheated out of his rightful due by Mr Profit."

The crowd muttered animatedly, surprised by this accusation.

"I call my first witness." Lars declared.

One of Slugfest's other associates (and a former operative of the Napoleons) stepped forward. He was a gangly teal Pegasus with silver eyes, a blue mane and a Cutie Mark of a bird by the name of Pigeon.

"Mr. Pigeon." Lars declared. "Is it true that you've known my client for many years?"

"Yep." Pigeon nodded.

"And in all that time, have you ever known him to steal from anypony?" Lars asked.

"Nope." Pigeon shook his head. "His job keeps him rollin' in dough. He don't need to steal anything."

"He doesn't need to steal anything." Lars declared. "And even if he did, why would he start by stealing from such a public target?"

The crowd murmured in agreement. Lars had made an excellent point.

"Look at this guy... it's been over a year since that Crystal Sun incident, and everypony just forgets that this guy is a hardened criminal." Profit scowled. "They're eating him up!"

"Well, you can't deny that he knows how to appeal to the crowd." Luxury admitted.

"Hey." Profit glared at Luxury. "Don't you dare go idolizing this pony. I don't care what your opinion of him is outside of the courtroom, but right now, he's the enemy! I hired you because my deadbeat of a lawyer had to go and catch horn rot, and he said that you're a 'natural'..." He looked away in frustration. "What was I thinking, hiring a kid to go against this guy?"

"Relax, Mr. Profit." Luxury smiled. "I understand your concerns, but I assure you, while Mr Napoleon may be good..." He stood up. "He's never gone up against the likes of me."

Luxury moved over to cross-examine Pigeon.

"So, Mr Pigeon, you know Mr. Slugfest very well, correct?" He asked.

"Uh-huh." Pigeon nodded.

"So you clearly should know what this supposed profession of his is, correct?" Luxury declared. "What might that be?"

"Well, uh, he's... muscle for hire." Pigeon said nervously.

"In other words, a mercenary." Lars frowned.

"Kinda..." Pigeon shrugged.

"So who's to say he wasn't hired to go in there and assault my client?" Luxury asked.

"I, er..." Pigeon gulped.

"Objection!" Lars yelled. "That is nothing but speculation!"

"Overruled." Banging Gavel declared.

"Maybe the money was just an elaborate ruse, and he was only there to brutally assault Mr Profit?" Luxury continued.

"Nah, nah..." Pigeon shook his head. "That ain't it-"

"Oh no?" Luxury smirked. "You said yourself that Mr Slugfest is a mercenary. It's very possible he was hired for this by some business rival of Mr Profit's. Isn't it?"

"Well, um..." Pigeon gulped.

"Isn't it?" Luxury smirked.

"...Maybe?" Pigeon cringed, his resolve whittled down to nothing.

"No further questions, your honor." Luxury said triumphantly.

The crowd gasped and muttered as Luxury sat back down.

"Holy crud, what the buck do they teach you in lawyers' school?" Profit gaped.

"Who said I learned that from them?" Luxury smirked.

"Guess I was told right." Profit smiled, impressed. "You really do have the moves."

Lars and Slugfest weren't quite as amused.

"Great job, Pigeon." Lars glared at the witness.

"Sorry!" Pigeon cringed. "The kid played me like a fiddle!"

"I thought you said you could win this." Slugfest snarled.

"I will, don't worry." Lars declared, "Pigeon is just one witness. No biggie. This case is still good as won."

"It had better be." Slugfest growled. "Or the first thing I do before they drag me to jail will be me giving you the beatdown of your life."

"Duly noted." Lars nodded with a cringe.

The court adjourned soon after, the case starting late in the afternoon. That evening, a discouraged Lars returned home.

"So, how'd it go?" Lyra asked. "Did you blow 'em away with your legal know-how?"

"Not exactly." Lars declared. "I faced an unexpectedly tough opponent."

"Who?" Lyra asked.

"Luxury." Lars frowned.

"Luxury?" Lyra gaped. "As in Fancypants and Fleur's kid? Princess Constell's main squeeze? That Luxury?"

"Yes." Lars scowled. "Loathe though I am to admit it, the kid knows his stuff. This may actually prove to be a challenge."

"I'm sure you can take him." Lyra encouraged him.

"Of course I can." Lars smiled. "I've taken on the best legal minds Bitaly has to offer. I can handle some punk kid."

"That's the spirit." Lyra grinned, nuzzled Lars. "Go get 'im, tiger."

"Oh, I will." Lars chuckled. "Tomorrow, the real battle begins..."

The next morning, the trial continued anew. Lars stood up first.

"I call my next witness." He declared. "Mr. Slugfest?"

Slugfest took the stand.

"Mr. Slugfest, is it true that you entered Mr Profit's place of business on the day in question?" Lars asked.

"Yes." Slugfest nodded.

"And did you do so intending to assault him?" Lars continued.

"No." Slugfest answered. "I only came to take care of some... personal business. The old guy provoked me."

"So you say." Luxury stepped forward, looking to cross-examine him. "Why would a stallion of Mr Profit's advanced years knowingly provoke a big brute like you?"

"Beats me." Slugfest shrugged. "Maybe the old guy's got a death wish."

"And what exactly was this 'business' you were taking care of?" Luxury demanded. "As I already mentioned, perhaps some competitor had hired you to injure Mr Profit."

"Please." Slugfest snorted. "If I had been hired to break the old dude's legs, there were better, more out of the way places for me to do it than in his place of business."

"So why were you there, Mr Slugfest?" Lars asked.

"I came to talk with the old timer about a pal of mine who worked for him." Slugfest answered. "My buddy was getting paid squat, so I decided to talk with him, tell him to give my friend a decent wage."

"How admirable." Luxury snorted. "Yet, it ended with robbery and assault. How did that happen?"

"Well, the old guy got real stubborn about it." Slugfest declared. "He wouldn't even listen, so I lost my temper. I figured I'd just take what my buddy had earned from Profit's own safe. The old guy went crazy and attacked me! I didn't wanna hurt him, but he didn't leave me much of a choice. I gave him a little tap, thinking it'd be enough to get him to back off. But he just wouldn't go down. I had to keep hitting him until I knocked him out. I feel bad about it, but it was really his own fault. The stingy old mule should've paid his workers what they deserved."

"You see, your honor?" Lars asked. "This was no unprovoked, brutal attack. My client was trying to help a friend, only to be pushed too far by Mr Profit's stubborn refusal to listen to reason."

The crowd muttered amongst themselves.

"What utter codswallop!" Profit yelled.

"Order in the court!" Gavel struck his podium hard. "Prosecutor, your witness."

"Thank you, your honor." Luxury nodded. "Mr. Profit, would you please take the stand?"

Net Profit walked over, throwing a glare at Slugfest as they crossed paths.

"Now, Mr Profit." Luxury declared. "Is there any truth to Mr Slugfest's story?"

"Some." Profit admitted. "He did come into my office, ranting about things like 'fair dues' and what I owed others. I politely informed him that I could not simply alter a single worker's salary on a whim, mostly because it would be unfair to the rest of my employees. After that, he quickly grew hostile. He tore open my safe, and started grabbing the money. I threatened to call security if he didn't stop. It was then he attacked me. He brutally pummelled me, throwing out such insults as 'buck-brain', 'filthy snob' and 'money-grubbing piece of dung'. I quickly lost consciousness. When I came to, he was gone, along with the contents of my safe."

The court gasped in horror.

"Order! Order!" Gavel yelled.

"My, what a harrowing experience." Lars said with mock-sympathy. "So you're just a hapless victim of circumstance."

"Yes, I am." Profit nodded.

"Well, according to my client, you don't really believe in 'fair' when it comes to your employees' pay." Lars declared. "In fact, he tells me that you have been embezzling profits from your own company."

"Wha- I- How dare you!" Profit spluttered. "Whatever that thug told you is a pack of lies!"

"Objection!" Luxury yelled. "The defendant has no proof of that!"

"Sustained." Banging Gavel declared. "Now, the court will take a short recess for lunch. The trial will continue at 1:00 sharp."

The crowd started to file out of the room.

"Nice work, pal." Slugfest told Lars. "Look at that old fossil. He's sweatin' like crazy."

"I told you." Lars smirked. "Don't be surprised if I've cracked this case by the end of the day."

Meanwhile, Luxury was shrinking under Profit's glare.

"I hope you know what you're doing, boy." Profit declared.

"Of course, sir." Luxury declared.

"I chose you for this job because I'd heard you were an up-and-comer." Profit declared. "But I'm starting to doubt if you can live up to the hype."

"Don't worry, Mr Profit." Luxury said firmly. "Mark my words, that hooligan will be behind bars before you know it."

After lunch, the court reconvened.

"I will now call my next witnesses." Lars declared. "Captain Fletcher Ulysses and Lieutenant Caboose Napoleon of the Royal Canterlot Guard, to the stand."

Fletcher and Caboose entered the courtroom, fully armored up.

"Hi, Lars!" Caboose waved. "Boy, it's gonna be weird to be on this side of the courtroom!"

"Captain Ulysses." Lars said grandly. "You and Lieutenant Napoleon were the ones who arrested Mr. Slugfest, correct?"

"Correct, Mr. Napoleon." Fletcher nodded. "We followed a trail of clues and eye witnesses accounts, finding him at the Plowza hotel, just outside of town. Mr. Slugfest attempted to escape, but we managed to catch him."

"A hotel, you say?" Lars smiled. "If he really had done a job, he would have most likely gotten paid by the time you found, and be easily able to afford a better quality of lodging. At the very least, a deluxe suite."

"I must admit, you have a point." Fletcher nodded.

"In fact, he could have even used the money he stole, yet he didn't." Lars pointed out. "Perhaps because he was planning to take it to his friend, as he himself stated."

"You'd like us to think that, wouldn't you?" Luxury frowned. "Captain Fletcher, did Slugfest put up a fight when your cornered him?"

"Yes." Fletcher nodded.

"Boy, you got that right." Caboose chuckled. "Luckily, I got him in my signature sleeper hold, and he calmed right down... Then I kicked him a couple times for good measure."

"Nearly cracked one of my ribs, too." Slugfest said indignantly.

"And did Mr Slugfest attempt to bring the money he stole with him?" Luxury asked.

"Actually, no." Fletcher declared. "He didn't even attempt to take it, though it was lying on his bed in a duffel bag, no less than four feet away."

"Interesting." Luxury declared. "If he wanted to bring that money to his friend, why abandon it?"

"Well, I can't be sure..." Fletcher admitted. "Perhaps he intended to go back for it later?"

"Perhaps." Luxury nodded. "And perhaps he was using a low-key room so as not to attract suspicion?"

"That... could be." Fletcher declared.

"If he was planning on giving this money to his so-called friend, why hadn't he given it to him already?" Luxury asked. "Before the authorities had a chance to find him?"

"I cannot say..." Fletcher admitted.

"If you ask me, I'd say he was laying low." Luxury declared. "Waiting for the heat to die down before moving on. Wouldn't you agree, Captain?"

"Well, it does fit with standard criminal mentality..." Fletcher admitted.

"So you admit there is a high probability that he was indeed hiding out after committing his heinous crime?" Luxury said quickly.

"...Yes." Fletcher nodded.

Lars threw Fletcher an annoyed look. Fletcher made an apologetic face.

"Now, Lieutenant..." Luxury turned to Caboose.

"Hi, Lux." Caboose said pleasantly. "How are things?"

"Oh, they're fine." Luxury smiled. "Now, Caboose, is it true that you and Lars know the defendant?"

"Uh-huh." Caboose nodded, "He and our family used to do business together."

"In all honesty, does he seem like the kind of stallion who would beat up a private citizen and take his money?" Luxury demanded.

"Well, uh..." Caboose gulped.

"He does, doesn't he?" Luxury declared.

"You know... looks aren't everything..." Caboose muttered.

"He's a money-grubbing thug, isn't he?" Luxury asked.

"I... I..." Caboose spluttered.

"A bottom-feeding scumbag?" Luxury continued. "A filthy crook of the lowest order?"

"Th-those are some pretty strong words..." Caboose muttered. "Like... 'extortion' or 'schizophrenia'."

"He's losing it!" Slugfest hissed.

"Come on, Caboose..." Lars urged.

"Slugfest is nothing but a petty thug for hire, isn't he?" Luxury asked. "Can you deny it?"

"Um... objection?" Caboose cringed.

"You don't get to say that!" Banging Gavel declared.

"Aw, what a gip..." Caboose frowned.

"But I do!" Lars yelled. "I object, your honor! The prosecutor is badgering the witness!"

"I'm going to allow it." Banging Gavel announced. "At least until the witness starts making sense..."

"Please answer my questions, Lieutenant." Luxury declared. "And need I remind you, you are under oath? Do you truly believe that Mr Slugfest could be guilty of these crimes?"

"I... I..." Caboose stuttered.

"Well, do you?" Luxury demanded. "Do you? Answer me, Lieutenant!"

"Okay, I admit it!" Caboose yelled suddenly. "It was me! When I was five, I ate all the cookies in the fridge! When I was six, I dipped Slot's hoof in warm water while he slept! When I was seven, I accidentally spilled wine all over Lars' accounts work, and blamed it on Vinny!"

"Wait, that was you?!" Lars spluttered.

"When I was eight, I glued a pig to a goat, and called them husband and wife! When I was nine, I mixed up some fake vomit, poured it all over the school cafeteria, and pretended I was sick. And not forgetting, at Grimoire's wedding, I made my brothers sing Don't Stop Believing! Oh, I am such an awful pony!" Caboose sobbed into the podium.

"There, there, Lieutenant." Fletcher awkwardly patted him on the back.

"This is all very interesting, but it's not answering my question." Luxury declared. "Does Mr. Slugfest seem like the kind of stallion who would beat up a senior citizen and take his money?"

"Honestly... yeah." Caboose admitted with a sniff. "...This isn't going to be in the record, is it?"

"I'm afraid so." Luxury declared. "As off-topic... and entertaining as it was, it needs to be preserved."

"Oh." Caboose cringed. "Sorry, Lars."

"Oh, jeez..." Lars groaned.

"Should have seen that coming." Slugfest groaned. "That brother of yours was always a doofus..."

"No further questions." Luxury said smugly.

The trial continued over the next few days, with the same pattern. No matter what defense Lars put together, Luxury always managed to poke holes in it, and vice-versa.

On the third day, Luxury called in a security guard from Profit's company to testify.

"Please, Mr Vigil, tell us what you saw on the day in question." Luxury urged.

"Well, at around 10:00 in the morning, I saw that stallion go into the building, with empty saddlebags strapped to his side." Vigil, a dark blue Earth Pony with sapphire eyes and a guard's cap Cutie Mark pointed at Slugfest. "He came out about ten minutes later, a little dishevelled, and with his saddle bags full. I didn't think much of it at first, until I got the call that Mr Profit had been assaulted. It was pretty obvious to me that Slugfest had attacked and stolen from him."

"Obvious, you say?" Lars frowned. "Because it seems rather arbitrary to me."

"I saw some money sticking out of the saddlebag." Vigil declared. "That, and the fact that others inside had seen him going into Mr Profit's office, makes it sound like he attacked the boss."

"Sound like, yes." Lars noted. "But I'm afraid it takes more than that to pronounce somepony guilty."

Luxury scowled as Lars looked at him triumphantly.

Next, Lars brought up his own piece of evidence.

"These monetary earnings report bring up some interesting discrepancies." Lars declared, using his horn to project the figures onto the ceiling. "Fairly major amounts of earnings going missing, with only a hoofful of ponies who could take the money. This supports Mr Slugfest's assertion that Mr Profit is stealing from his own company."

"Does it?" Luxury declared. "Mr Profit is not the only one who could access those accounts. There are several high-ranking board members who could have taken it. More to the point, Mr Profit is a multi-billionaire. The last thing he needs is money. Rest assured, a private investigation is fully underway."

Lars pulled a scowl of his own.

By the end of the fourth day, Lars had had enough.

'This farce has gone on long enough.' He thought. 'Tomorrow, I'm using the Chewbuccka Defense to put an end to this.'

As he walked home, Lars was suddenly accosted by a fancy carriage. The door opened to reveal Luxury and Profit.

"Need a lift?" Luxury asked.

"Please, join us." Profit urged.

Tentatively, Lars entered the carriage.

"What's this?" He asked. "You planning on begging for mercy? A little late, isn't it?"

"No." Luxury declared. "I had discussed with Net Profit, and we believe you don't know the whole story here."

"What is there to be told?" Lars frowned. "Net Profit was stealing from his company, Slugfest called him out and gave him his just deserts." He glared at Profit. "Did I leave something out?"

"...Yes... actually you did." Profit sighed.

"Oh, and what may that be?" Lars challenged.

"Look, Mr. Napoleon. I had heard about your escapades and how you steal from the rich to help the poor." Profit declared, "While I do not condone the crimes you had committed, I do know what it means to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. Luxury, if you please..."

Luxury passed him a picture. A Unicorn mare with the same coat coloring as Profit lay in a bed, looking very haggard.

"...Who is this?" Lars frowned.

"That is my daughter, Income." Net Profit explained.

"Daughter?" Lars asked, "I was not aware you had children."

"Only the one. Her mother passed away a while ago, and I have been taking care of her ever since." Net Profit sighed. "She has been diagnosed with Knacker's Disease a while back. I had been paying for her to receive monthly treatments so that she would get better...but the treatments were expensive, and soon, my funds were running low..."

"So...you decided to take money from your company?" Lars assumed knowingly.

"Yes." Net Profit admitted, "I am not proud of it, but..." He let out a heavy sigh, as his eyes grew misty, "Income is all I have left. I couldn't let her pay for my money problems. But I had every intentions of returning the money once I had it... but then... Slugfest came in, and... you know the rest."

"Well..." Lars frowned, feeling a sense of guilt, before glaring. "How do I know you're telling the truth? That this isn't some ruse?"

"Because I've seen his daughter." Luxury declared. "She's in a terrible state. Surely, if someone you love was in her state, you would do the same, wouldn't you?"

"But... that's not proof... it's... it's..." Lars said weakly.

"Lars, would I lie about something like this?" Luxury asked. "You're a good pony, Lars. I know that. I believe that you deserve to know the truth."

"...Did you tell Slugfest about your daughter?" Lars asked Profit.

"Yes." Profit nodded. "But he refused to let that sway him. As he tore into the safe, taking what I needed to keep my daughter alive, I lost all sense of reason, and attacked him."

"I... have to go." Lars got out of the carriage.

"Think about whose side you should be on!" Luxury called after him.

Lars rushed over to Slugfest's cell.

"Slugfest!" Lars yelled.

"Mr Napoleon?" Slugfest stood up from his bed, "What are you doing here? The trial doesn't start up till tomorrow."

"Well, there has just been a development in the case." Lars glared. "Slugfest, were you aware that Net Profit had a daughter?"

"What? That little brat of his?" Slugfest raised a brow. "Yeah... so?"

"Were you aware that the reason he was taking money from his own company just so he can pay for the treatments that was keeping her alive?" Lars demanded.

"...Yes." Slugfest nodded indifferently.

"...What?" Lars gaped, as a chilling realization came over him. "...So... you actually robbed a pony who was doing something noble, and took what could mean life or death for his daughter?"

"Well, it sounds bad if you put it like that." Slugfest frowned.

"It is bad!" Lars snarled, "How could you do something like this?! What reason did you actually have to do this to him?"

"Simple." Slugfest declared. "The old coot needed to be taken down a peg. All them rich folk think they're better than us workin' class ponies."

"But he has a dying kid!" Lars growled. "Even if he was one of those snooty nobles, he doesn't deserve to have the only means of saving his daughter taken from him!"

"Whatever." Slugfest said unsympathetically. "Ponies lose family all the time. It's a fact of life."

"And I'm guessing what you said about your pal being stiffed on his wages was a lie as well?" Lars asked.

"Yep." Slugfest smirked. "I needed some way of getting you on my side, so I went for the Samaritan angle. You Napoleons always went for that."

"So this was never about helping out a friend." Lars glared, "This was all about hurting somepony for crap and giggles."

"Well, yeah." Slugfest shrugged.

"I don't believe this..." Lars set his flank to the floor. "I'm... I'm actually defending the guilty this time."

"Hey. I'm not guilty till they say I am." Slugfest snarled. "And you better make sure it stays that way."

"Why should I?!" Lars roared, getting up in his face. "You lied to me! I came to your defense because I thought I was helping a friend...but instead, I am helping a thug!" He then growled. "I should just drop this case and let you rot in prison..."

"But you won't." Slugfest sneered. "Not if you wanna keep your perfect record. I'm guessing you'll be pulling out your famous 'Chewbuccka Defense soon? I know you, Larsy... you can't handle being bested by another pony, and with that last resort, I'm as good as out of here."

"You... I..." Lars stumbled.

"Like it or not, you're my lawyer." Slugfest declared. "And as my lawyer, you're honor-bound to win this case. So you may as well accept, and get the job done."

Lars scowled. Without another word, he left the cell. Once he got home, he confessed everything to Lyra.

"I can't believe it." He sighed. "You were right from the start. I'm defending a lowdown, rotten piece of filth. Faust, this must be how old cousin Phoenix felt with that one dude..."

"Maybe you should throw in the towel." Lyra insisted. "What good's a perfect record if it means letting a creep like Slugfest go free?"

"You have a point there..." Lars sighed.

"And your conscience will definitely appreciate it." Lyra declared.

"Right again." Lars nodded. "I'm so glad you're here, my darling. What would I do without you?"

"Pray you never find out." Lyra smiled, kissing him.

The next morning, he caught up with Luxury outside the courthouse.

"Luxury, I've decided to concede." Lars declared. "You were right about Slugfest, and I refuse to defend a slimeball like that. You win."

"I appreciate the thought, but I can't accept." Luxury declared. "If I'm going to win, it'll be by my own talents, not because my opponent quit."

"But... the case..." Lars spluttered. "Luxury, you know I don't hold back, even if my defendant is truly guilty. If I did, it could lead to a mistrial. And I had this one fail-safe that never failed to date."

"Oh yes, I heard of it." Luxury nodded grimly...before grinning, "But don't worry. I've got a surprise witness lined up who'll really stick a fork in Slugfest. Just hang in there until then, okay?"

"Okay..." Lars nodded unsurely.

As the court reconvened, a smug Slugfest leaned back in his chair.

"We are now entering day five of the trial of Snarl Slugfest." Banging Gavel declared. "Perhaps today, Celestia willing, we can finally end this matter. Mr prosecutor?"

"Ladies and gentlestallions, I call my final witness." Luxury declared. "Mr. Chug Tapper."

A brownish Unicorn stallion with a yellow mane, green eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a glass of cider took the stand.

"Mr Tapper, you run the Happy Drafthorse bar, do you not?" Luxury asked, speaking of a seedy bar in the underbelly of Canterlot.

"That's right." Tapper nodded.

"If you please, would you relate to us what happened on the night of the 5th of last month?" Luxury asked.

"Well, I was tending bar as normal, when that Slugfest fella came into the bar, toting a sack of cash." Tapper nodded. "He bought everypony a round of cider, then after a few drinks, started bragging to some friends of his about how he beat this bigshot named Net Profit half to death, then swiped all his money..."

"Did he, now?" Luxury declared.

"Oh please, as if he has any proof." Slugfest scoffed.

"Can anypony verify your statement, Mr. Tapper?" Luxury asked.

"You betcha." Tapper nodded. "The fella got all drunk and was bragging it out loud for anypony to hear! I wasn't sure if it was actually true or not. I mean, I hear guys brag about how they beat up other guys, porked other mares. I thought nothing of it till you came and talk to me about it. That's why I brought a security tape of that night!"

Slugfest's smug smirk disappeared instantly.

"Security tape?" Slugfest repeated in shock.

A video player was pulled into the courtroom, and the tape inserted. A black and white image of a drunken Slugfest boasting to his friends played.

"...And then, I kicked the old geezer in the face!" He slurred, causing his friends to guffaw with laughter. "And now, I'm loaded! Take that, Net non-Profit!"

"You see?" Tapper frowned, as the tape ended. "He's guilty, make no mistake."

"But I was drunk!" Slugfest snarled, standing from his seat. "I could easily have been lying!"

"Lying, you say?" Luxury smirked. "Why would you lie about something you supposedly didn't want to do? Why would you play it up as something to be proud of? Why would you tell anypony at all, if you regretted it so much?"

Slugfest's face was shot with fear.

"Your honor, in light of this damning evidence, we, the jury, unanimously declare the defendant, Snarl Slugfest, guilty of all charges." The head juror proclaimed.

"Noooo!" Slugfest yelled. "Lars, do something! Bust out your secret weapon!"

"Sorry, Sluggy." Lars shrugged. "It's a solid win. That tape is practically your admission of guilt. Even the Chewbuccka Defense can't get you out of this one."

"I hereby sentence Mr Slugfest to ten years in Canterlot prison for assault, battery, and theft." The judge banged his gavel.

"This can't be happening!" Slugfest snarled. "I hope you're happy, Lars! That's your perfect record, down the drain!"

"I'll live." Lars said coldly.

"No, you won't!" Slugfest snarled. He attempted to attack Lars, but was frozen in a field of magic.

"Don't be sure." He smirked.

As Slugfest was dragged away, Lars walked over to Luxury, who was being congratulated by Profit.

"Well done, my boy!" Profit clapped Luxury on the shoulder. "It seems I had the right candidate after all!"

"Thank you, sir." Luxury grinned.

"Rest assured, I will recommend you to all my friends." Profit pledged. "I have a feeling you're going to go places in the legal world."

"That would be nice." Luxury admitted. "I've always dreamt of a career like this, so I may as well make it a good one."

"Congrats, kid." Lars smiled. "I've never been so happy to lose."

"Thanks, Lars." Luxury smiled. "No hard feelings?"

"Of course not." Lars agreed. "You have the making of an amazing lawyer. That is, if you had somepony who could show you some moves..."

"Would that somepony be you?" Luxury asked knowingly.

"Naturally." Lars smiled. "What do you say?"

"Sure, why not?" Luxury shrugged. "You were a worthy opponent. I'd sure like to have some of your tricks up my sleeve."

"Drop me my place sometime." Lars declared. "I'd be happy to give you some pointers."

"You know it." Luxury nodded. "But for now, Mr Profit and I will be celebrating."

"I'm sure you will." Lars chuckled. "I have some celebrating of my own to do..."

That evening, Lars cuddled with Lyra on the couch.

"All's well that ends well, huh?" Lyra asked.

"Sure is." Lars nodded. "But you know, I think I'm done with being a lawyer. It distracts from more important things... like you."

"Oh, Lars..." Lyra sighed.

"You are hereby charged with being unlawfully beautiful." Lars said jokingly. "How do you plead?"

"Guilty, of course." Lyra chuckled.

The two kissed each other deeply.

"Now for the sentence..." Lars grinned. He lifted her up in his front legs, and carried her to bed.

'So, that is the story of Lars' first loss in the courtroom. But as far as he was concerned, it was also a win. Though he did regret not being able to unleash the Chewbuccka defense one last time... On the plus side though, he was able to pass on his legal skills to Luxury, who has already started racking up the wins. So in a way, Lars' winning streak continues. And for those of you who were wondering, Net Profit's daughter recently showed signs of improvement. In fact, she may actually pull through. As for Net Profit, Luxury managed to clear him of the "embezzling" charge, since it was for a good cause, and he was able to pay some of it back after Income began to recover. Though Net was forced to perform some community service for his under-the-table methods, he actually got off well, and even took some time away from his company to focus on his daughter, providing support and encouragement on her still-shaky road to recover. Let's keep our hooves crossed for them. See you next chapter...'

Vinny Vs Canterlot

'And now we move on to Vandal Cartman 'Vinny' Napoleon. He was always a party animal sort of guy, who always like to do the stupidest things just for the fun of it. To that end, he is without a doubt the most immature of us besides Caboose. Rarely does he ever take anything seriously, with the exception of his mafia duties, but even then, he still acts like a wise guy. A prankster and a slacker at heart, he liked having fun, and helping the rest of us have it too, even if we don't want to.'

'To that end, he started brewing his own wine. It was just a minor hobby at first, but when he gained his Cutie Mark after making his first vintage (and subsequently drinking pa's wine to celebrate and going on a smashing spree through downtown Roam), he knew he had found his true calling. While not as smart as Lars, he can easily make any kind of wine or alcoholic beverage by simply mixing things together, and having us, his self-proclaimed 'guinea pigs' to test them out. Part of the time, the concoctions turns out to be awful and we are desperately trying to get the bad taste out of our mouths... but most of the time, the drinks turn out to be awesome, and Vinny would then save it for the parties he would throw. And speaking from experiences, his parties are pretty... how they say it, 'rad' and ever so memorable... if it weren't for the huge hangovers most of us would get.'

'But of course, he also had skills in the family business. While decent in close combat and with crossbows (though not to Murray or Salt's level), he was more of the guy who rallies up the troops. His outgoing and boisterous attitude often helped our mafia men get into the swing of things, and he does know how to make one heck of a Molotov's cocktail. Unfortunately, since this is Vinny, his attitude has always been a big problem. He always seem to find the wrong thing to say at the wrong time, and he says the most obscene things. Like this one time, when dad had an old friend from Griffonstone over. Vinny outright asked him if the first Griffon was the result of 'a lion humping an eagle'. Dad's friend wasn't pleased, and neither was Vinny when dad grounded him for a month.. It goes without saying that he gets into trouble very often... and that brings us to this one instance...'

In the back alleys of Roam, Vinny was being pursued by a quartet of irate mobsters, all decked out in trenchcoats, panting and hyperventilating as his pudgy body and hooves struggled to stay ahead.

"Get back here, Napoleon!" The biggest and burliest of the four (A dark blue Earth Pony stallion) yelled.

"Sorry, I'm in a rush... to live!" Vinny yelled back, as he raced through the alleyways.

"Split up!" The brute yelled. "Don't give him a chance to slip away!"

The others followed his lead, each taking a different in the labyrinth-like back ways of Roam. Vinny knew those streets like the back of his hoof, but even he couldn't be in many places at once. As he made one turn, he saw one of the mobsters (a mud-brown Pegasus) blocking his way.

"See ya!" He yelped, turning another way.

As Vinny tried to find an alternate route, he found his way blocked by the others, an indigo Unicorn and a chartreuse Earth Pony.

"Nope!" Vinny gasped as he doubled-back.

As Vinny turned to the right, he almost run straight into the blue stallion.

"Got you!" The stallion snarled.

"Nuh-uh!" Vinny slid under the stallion's legs, and kept running. Just as he thought he was home free, the Pegasus flew down towards him. "Oh, come on!"

The Pegasus tried to grab him, Vinny dodged his lunge, and kept going, his pursuers right behind him.

Before long, they had him cornered in a dead end.

"Nowhere to run, Napoleon." The blue stallion growled.

"Aw, come on, Hammer Hooves." Vinny cringed. "Does it really have to be this way?"

"I'm afraid it does." Hammer Hooves snickered, as he and his accomplices advanced on him, "You really shouldn't have said those things..."

"Oh come on, all I said was you guys like chunky donkey gals." Vinny protested. "It's not necessarily a bad thing, y'know?"

"It is to us." The Pegasus growled.

"And speaking of 'bad things', a very bad thing is about to happen to you..." The Unicorn sneered.

"You know, this is all very petty of you..." Vinny cringed, as the mobsters advanced on him.

'I'm afraid I'll have to cut this scene short for now, as it would reveal information that must remain a surprise for later. I know it's a bit of a tease, but it's a necessary tease. Rest assured, we will get back to this later.'

'As for what is Vinny doing now, that we are revealed to be mobsters, he has joined Caboose and the others in moving to Canterlot with his marefriend, now-fiancé, Berry Punch, a mare who loved drinking as much as he did. While it would make sense for Vinny to move there, given how he is currently co-owner of Blazin' Blues, a tavern in which he saved from bankruptcy, I can't help but wonder why he would want to live in Canterlot.'

'It is certainly no secret that us Napoleons have a grudge with those who are rich and powerful. Yes, it does sound hypocritical, given how my son-in-law is a Prince, but I am more talking about those who 'lord' their wealth and power over others. Those who think that they have an entitlement to everything and that they are above those who are less wealthy are the kind of ponies that I personally cannot stand. As for Vinny, if he had his way, he would take his bat and cap every noble we had met in the knee that was 'mean' to him. Thus making it confusing that Vinny wanted to go to the place where there are many of those kind of ponies living there. I honestly don't know half the things that goes on in that stallion's head. Needless to say, when Vinny and Canterlot comes together... it sets the stage for this chapter's conflict:'

Chapter Twenty-Three: Vinny Versus Canterlot

One evening, in the ritziest side of Canterlot, Jet Set and Upper Crust, two of the snootiest ponies around, were sitting in their living room, doing what they did best; judging other ponies.

"I saw that Dove mare in the market today." Upper Crust told her husband.

"The new Captain's fiance?" Jet Set frowned. "The... ugh, stage magician?"

"That's the one." Upper Crust said distastefully. "She had that vile bird on her shoulders the entire time."

"Unbelievable." Jet Set scowled. "What Captain Ulysses sees in her, I'll never know."

"Yes, you'd think a stallion of his calibre would have better standards..." Upper Crust said dismissively.

Suddenly, their spiteful musing were interrupted by the sounds of laughter and loud music.

"What in the name of Celestia is that racket?" Jet Set asked.

"Sounds like it's coming from next door." Upper Crust frowned.

"Oh, don't tell me..." Jet Set groaned.

The pair made their way next door, where, as they suspected, some kind of wild party was going on. Several ponies was chatting and joking in the front garden.

"Mind the riff-raff." Jet Set sneered.

"Proletarian ponies." Upper Crust scowled. "They don't belong on our street..."

Trying not to look at the "common" ponies, Jet Set and Upper Crust marched up to the door. Jet Set knocked three times. Vinny answered the door.

"Hey, neighbors!" He smiled pleasantly. "Come to join the party?"

Vinny and Berry had only recently moved into the house, having used the money Vinny had gotten from his co-ownership of Blazin' Blues. Vinny would have been happy just bunking at the tavern, but an incident a couple of weeks back changed their minds...

Flashback...

Mist and Blue walked into the bar after closing time.

"Finally, a little alone time." Blue smiled.

"I'll say." Mist nodded. "Lucky for us, aunt Constell was able to babysit. It's just you and me now.""

"Oh, yeah..." Blue embraced her. "C'mere, baby."

As they pulled in for a kiss, they heard a grunting sound.

"What was that?" Blue asked.

"I think it's coming from the closet." Mist frowned.

They went to investigate. Blue opened the door, and they saw Vinny and Berry in a most... uncompromising position.

"Ah!" They yelled.

"Do you guys mind?" Vinny scowled.

"A little privacy, please?" Berry asked.

"Vinny, we've been over this." Blue groaned. "Just because you half-own the place doesn't mean you can use it as yours and Berry's personal fun house."

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Vinny asked.

"Maybe get your own place?" Mist suggested.

"That's... not such a bad idea." Vinny mused. "This has been a pretty lucrative venture. I could buy us a big ol' house on the rich side of time.

"Ooh, swanky..." Berry smiled.

"As long as it leaves our closet unsullied, I'm all for it." Blue sighed.

Shortly afterward, Vinny and Berry had bought the fanciest house they could find, right between the abodes of Fancypants and Jet Set.

"What is this?" Jet Set scowled, as he and Upper Crust returned home to find Vinny and Berry moving in.

"Hi, neighbour!" Vinny smiled. "Vinny Napoleon here."

"And I'm Berry." Berry added.

"Jet Set." Jet Set said curtly. "And this is my wife, Upper Crust."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Upper Crust said humorlessly. "You two are moving in?"

"Oh, yeah." Vinny nodded. "Got into a bit of money. Decided to use it right."

"The nouvea rich." Jet Set scowled. "Bane of my existence."

"Well, hello, new neighbours." Fancypants emerged from his home. "A pleasure to meet you, Vinny."

"You know me?" Vinny asked.

"My son does." Fancypants smiled. "Luxury speaks highly of you, and enjoys your establishment."

"And I enjoy his patronage." Vinny smiled.

"I'm sure having you in the neighbourhood will certainly liven things up." Fancypants smiled. "Don't you agree, Jet Set?"

"Oh, yes." Jet Set said sycophantically. "It really will..."

The present...

"Not exactly." Jet Set said pompously.

"Then what brings you here?" Berry asked as she joined Vinny.

"We're here to lodge a complaint." Upper Crust scowled. "This party of yours is too loud!"

"Aw, come on." Vinny grinned. "We can't have a quiet party, now can we?"

"Seriously, lighten up." Berry added. "It's not like it's the dead of night or something. It's barely eight o'clock."

"The time is irrelevant." Jet Set spat.

"Then what is 'relevant', oh neighbour of mine?" Vinny asked.

"This is a respectable street." Upper Crust declared. "We wouldn't expect you to understand, considering your... roots, but this street is meant for the most dignified and influential of ponies. As such, it is no place for to hold parties with loud, raucous and uncouth guests."

"Says who?" Berry asked. "This is our house. If we want to have a party, and invite some friends, we can."

"Perhaps you could when you were living in your little hick town." Jet Set said sourly. "But this is Canterlot. Ponies in this town don't take kindly to the sort of rowdy, low-class ruckus you commoner traffic in-"

"Woo-hoo!"

Jet Set and Upper Crust turned around. To their shock, Fancypants was seen to be among the guests, dancing wildly with Fleur.

"Fantastic shindig, Mr. Napoleon!" He whooped.

"Best party I've been to in a long time." Fleur added.

"Woo-hoo!" Sapphire Shores whooped, having been invited by Fancypants and Fleur. "This is my jaaaam!"

"You were saying?" Vinny said smugly to Jet Set.

"...I was saying that you don't belong here." Jet Set growled. "You and your small-town girlfriend."

"Excuse me?" Berry growled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Upper Crust snorted. "Do you uncivilized fools need it spelt out for you? Riff-raff like you have no place in this neighborhood."

"This street is meant only for the most elite of ponies." Jet Set agreed. "Not some former mafioso and his wine-loving floozy!"

"Hey, watch it!" Vinny yelled. "You can insult me all you want, but not Berry!"

"Fine." Jet Set smirked. "You may have charmed Facnypants and the royal family, but Upper Crust and I both know the truth. You're just some vile criminal who bought his way to a house he doesn't deserve. And if it's the last thing I do, I'll see you ejected from this street."

"Come on, man, be cool." Vinny frowned, "Can't we just live in... live in... ham... harm..." He turned to Lars, who was standing upside down, taking part in a chugging' contest. "Hey, Lars! What's the word I'm looking for?"

"Harmony!" Lars answered. "Now please stop distracting me! I'm almost done!"

"You go, babe!" Lyra cheered.

"Harmony." Vinny smiled. "Can't we all just make nice with each other?"

"Hmph, as if I want to 'make nice' with the likes of you." Jet Set growled, "Shall we go, dear?"

"Oh, we shall." Upper Crust nodded. "Enjoy your decadent celebration."

"Fine. Your loss." Vinny glared.

"Not as much as it will be yours." Jet Set sneered, "Do note that your days here are numbered..."

The snooty pair stalked out of the house, shoving aside any pony who get in their way.

"...Wow... what a couple of bungholes." Vinny deadpanned.

"Should we be worried about what they said?" Berry asked.

"Nah." Vinny snorted. "I know their type. All bark and no bite. They're just spouting some empty threats."

"I hope so." Berry frowned.

"Now, let's get back to partying!" Vinny whooped. "Crank up the tunes!"

"You read my mind, Mr Napoleon!" Sapphire cheered.

The guest continued partying, Vinny, secure in his belief that things were fine, even more so. Unfortunately, it turned out Vinny was wrong. Barely an hour later, a pair of Royal Guards knocked on the door.

"Um, can I help you gents?" Vinny asked nervously.

"We've received a complaint about some noise at this dwelling." One of the Guards declared.

"Noise?" Berry frowned.

"We'd like you to dial it down a little, please." The second Guard added. "For the sake of everypony else on this street."

"You got it." Vinny nodded.

"And keep it down." The first Guard declared. "We'll be keeping our ears open."

"Of course." Berry nodded.

After the Guards left, Vinny grudgingly told his guests that they had to turn down the volume.

"Aw, what a gip!"

"Seriously?"

"Hey, don't blame us." Vinny declared. "If anything, you should blame Jet Set and Upper Crust. They're probably the ones who squealed."

"Oh, not those two again." Fleur groaned.

"We can't really hold it against them if they prefer things to be quiet." Fancypants said, trying to be calm and rational. "Even if calling in the Guards was an incredibly petty thing to do..."

"I don't know how we can stand living next door to them." Fleur scowled.

"I don't know how anypony can stand living in the same town as them." Lyra sneered.

"I concur." Lars slurred, his chugging starting to get to him. "Loushy plebian shnobs..."

"I'm sorry about your party, Mr. Napoleon." Fancypants apologized. "A restrained celebration is no celebration at all."

"Don't worry about it, pal." Vinny gave a firm nod. "Rest assured, I'm not taking this lying down. If those snobs want trouble, they're gonna get it..."

"Vinny, maybe you shouldn't retaliate." Berry frowned. "Or at least, don't be too forceful about it."

"Relax, babe." Vinny declared. "I'm not going to do much. Just inconvenience them the way they did me. Then we'll be even...but the big question is how..."

"Um, perhaps I can make a suggestion..." Fancypants suggested with a wry grin.

The next morning, Jet Set awoke, feeling quite proud of himself for his petty act of whistleblowing. As he stepped outside to pick up his morning paper, he saw that there were pieces of his hedgerow all over the front law.

"What th-?!" He spluttered. "Who did this?"

"Oh, hi, neighbour." Vinny suddenly emerged from around the corner. "Sorry about the mess."

"You cut up my hedges?" Jet Set asked.

"As a favor to Fancypants." Vinny said nonchalantly. "He told me your hedges were growing over his side of the fence. He figured you weren't much of a gardener, so he asked me to handle it. So I did, like the great neighbor that I am."

"Yes..." Jet Set scowled, trying to not lose his temper. "Now, may I suggest you clean up this mess?"

"Ooh, sorry, pal." Vinny shook his head. "Clean up's not my job, Besides, I gotta get down to the bar. But you can probably handle that, right? See ya!"

Vinny rushed off, leaving Jet Set greatly annoyed. Just then, Upper Crust's screech was heard.

"What happened to our lawn?" She asked. "What happened to our hedges? Our beautiful hedges!"

"Napoleon." Jet Set spat. "You've tangled with the wrong pony. You have no idea just how difficult I can make life for you..."

The next morning, Vinny and Berry were awoken by the sound of cracking stone.

"What the buck?" Vinny frowned.

"What time is it?" Berry asked drowsily.

"6:00." Vinny said blearily.

"Too early..." Berry sniffed, her face contorting as her nose took in a horrible smell. "Ugh, what is that smell?"

There was another cracking of stone.

"That's it." Vinny groaned. "I'm gonna find out what's going on out there."

"Wait for me." Berry declared, as they got out of bed.

As they exited their house, they discovered roadworkers excavating the road right outside their abode.

"What's all this?" Vinny asked the forestallion, a burly Earth Pony.

"Renovations, mack." The forestallion said gruffly. "We got word that this part of the street needed replacing."

"Word?" Berry asked. "Word from who?"

"Beats me." The forestallion shrugged. "I just got the call. 'Course, all this digging means the stink from the sewer will be driftin' up. But not to worry. We'll be done in about a day or two. Just gotta hold your noses."

"And ears." Vinny growled. "This racket woke us up!"

"Sorry, pal." The forestallion shrugged. "Just doin' my job."

Unable to do anything else, Vinny and Berry went back inside.

"Who told them to dig up our part of the street?" Berry groaned.

"Who do you think?" Vinny spat. "That Jet Set clod. Tryin' to get me back for the hedge thing."

"I was afraid something like this would happen." Berry sighed. "This grudge is starting to turn into a full-on feud."

"He started it." Vinny sneered.

"But you can finish it right now." Berry urged. "Just walk away."

"Not a chance." Vinny declared. "A Napoleon does not 'walk away', unless it is one of those epic scenes where there's a explosion behind them. Those prudes want to mess with us? Fine! I was always a master prankster, and now I'm bringing my 'A' game..."

Over the next week, the feud escalated. Vinny started off by slipping a paint bomb into Jet Set's mailbox, causing him to get covered in paint when he went to get his mail.

Jet Set whistled happily, still amused by his little trick with the roadworks. As he opened the mailbox, he was suddenly splattered with pink paint.

"Ahhh!" He yelped. "What in the-?! Gahhh!"

"Hey, neighbour." Vinny waved. "Love the new look! Pink really suits you!"

Jet Set scowled as Vinny sauntered back indoors.

In retaliation, Jet Set had numerous taxi carriages and salesponies sent over to Vinny's home, the constant arrivals annoying him.

"For the last time, I didn't call for a taxi!" Vinny yelled, after the dozenth stallion knocked at the door.

"Hey, I got a call to come to this address." The stallion declared. "You wanna go somewhere or what?"

"No!" Vinny growled. "How about you go drive off a cliff?!

"Touchy, touchy." The driver scowled.

At that moment, another salesponies walked.

"Would you like to buy our latest encyclopedia?" He asked. "Two volumes for the price of one."

"Buck off!" Vinny yelled.

"A hard sell, eh?" The salespony smirked. "I've dealt with these kinds of ponies before... Okay, three for the price of one!"

Barely able to contain his rage, Vinny used his magic to lift the salespony and toss him into the taxi stallion's carriage.

"Here!" Vinny gave the stallion a small pile of Bits. "Send this clown to the other side of Canterlot!"

"You got it." The stallion smirked.

"Okay, four for the price of one!" The salespony called, as he was carted away. "But that's as low as I'll go!"

As payback for that, Vinny planted some ground-up cereal in a plastic bag on Jet Set's carriage, then called in Caboose to 'discover' it, and loudly proclaim him to be a drug smuggler.

As Jet Set's carriage rolled into the upscale market, Caboose pounced.

"Excuse me, sir." He declared. "I need to check your vehicle."

"Excuse me?" Jet Set frowned. "Whatever for?"

"Just a routine search." Caboose declared. "Won't take a sec."

"Very well." Jet Set harrumphed. "Just make it quick."

Caboose "searched" the carriage, waiting a couple of moment before removing the bag from under it.

"Ah-hah!" He yelled as loudly as he could. "What do you call this?"

"I, er..." Jet Set spluttered, painfully aware that everypony was watching. "I've never seen that in my life!"

"Then what's it doing stuck to the bottom of your carriage?" Caboose asked at the top of his voice, drawing more attention.

"It's... it..." Jet Set spluttered. "I'm telling you! It's not mine! I don't even know what drugs are!"

"Caboose glared at Jet Set, then opened the plastic bag, tasting the contents.

"Who said anything about drugs?" He chuckled. "This is just Sugar Steer cereal! It's illegally tasty, but you can't get arrested for it!"

The watching crowd burst out laughing at the mortified Jet Set.

Later on, Caboose relayed the scene to Vinny and Berry

"I'm telling you! It's not mine!" Caboose mimicked Jet Set for Vinny. "I don't even know what drugs are!"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Vinny roared. "Best! Prank! Ever!"

"Oh, yeah." Caboose chuckled. "You should've seen the look on his face. Just like the time I brought my cannon to that monastery."

"Really, Vinny?" Berry frowned. "I like a good prank and all, but there is such a thing as going too far..."

"Please." Vinny snorted. "What's that wussy snob gonna do?"

"Lodge a formal complaint against the cereal company?" Caboose suggested.

"No, Caboose." Vinny smirked. "He ain't gonna do crap! After today, he thinks twice before messing with Vandal Cartman Napoleon!"

"Somehow, I don't it." Berry frowned. "Jet Set may be as tough as you, but he can be pretty stubborn."

"Big whoop." Vinny snorted. "That spineless snob's outta his depth. If he's got any brains, he'll give this up."

In his own home, Jet Set was beside himself with fury.

"That's it!" He roared. "That is the last straw!"

"Dear, calm down..." Upper Crust urged.

"I will not calm down!" Jet Set yelled. "That ruffian has gone too far this time! The humiliation... Do you know how many ponies were there to hear me accused of drug peddling. For a moment, I thought I might die of shame! Well, I've had enough of Mr. Napoleon! if it's the last thing I do, I'll see him removed from this neighborhood."

Before long, Jet Set and Upper Crust had gathered several of their fellow nobles (save for Fancypants and Fleur, whom they knew wouldn't support them) and held a meeting.

"What is this all about, Jet Set?" Golden Gavel, a greyish amber Unicorn with a pale gold mane, cobalt blue eyes, and a gavel Cutie Mark asked, "I was in the middle of a milk bath."

"My fellow upperclassponies." Jet Set declared. "I have gathered you here today to discuss a matter of societal importance that had befallen our community. As I'm sure you're aware, there are two recent additions to this district who don't belong here: Vinny Napoleon, and his girlfriend, Berry Punch."

"I know them." Swan Song, a light amber mare with a raspberry mane, cornflower blue eyes, and a Swan Cutie Mark, scowled. "Vinny's the uncouth lout who revived that cheap tavern on the other side of town. I was going to have that dump torn down to make a vacant lot."

"And that girlfriend of his?" Silver Frames, a gray mare with a grayish blue mane, brilliant amber eyes, and a glasses Cutie Mark, sneered. "She's such a village pony, it isn't even funny! I swear, she always has a wine bottle in her hoof every time I saw her!"

"We shouldn't have to put up with those... yokels!" Black Marble, a white stallion with a black mane, blue eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a marble column, agreed, "This city belong to the rich and powerful, not some fat tub of mafia scum and a drunken harlot!"

"So true." Jet Set nodded. "Which is why we need to get them out of here."

"But how?" Golden asked.

"Shall we have their home declared unsafe somehow?" Swan Song asked.

"Maybe get them deported?" Silver Frames suggested.

"I have my connections." Jet Set declared. "I'll see into getting together a petition to have them removed from the street. In the meantime, a little... incentive might help things along."

"Oh, I know that look." Black Marble smirked. "What's the plan, Set?"

"Simple." Jet Set grinned. "We're going to remind them that they don't belong here."

The next morning, Vinny exited the house to find several of the upperclass ponies waving signs that said "Commoners leave!" and "No class? No pass!"

"What the buck is this?" Vinny growled. "Get off my lawn!"

"Just the kind of reaction I'd expect from a lout like you!" Black Marble scowled.

"Answer the question." Vinny growled.

"We want you out of this neighborhood, you lowlife commoner!" Golden Gavel declared.

"Oh, great, this yahoo has friends..." Vinny groaned, as he glared at the crowed, "Well, I don't know what you hope to accomplish, but I am not leaving. End of story."

"We'll see." Swan Song sneered back. "Jet Set is already looking into getting you officially removed."

"Oh, is he now?" Vinny growled. "Should've known..."

"As it is, you have only two options." Silver Frames declared. "Leave now, leave later."

"I choose option three." Vinny spat. "The one where I wake up every morning in this house, go to work, throw back a couple of beers, go home, eat dinner, and make love to my girlfriend, and you all buck off!"

The nobles roared with outrage as Vinny shoved past them. They were still there when he came back from work.

"I don't believe this." Vinny groaned. "Jet Set's gone too far this time."

"Well maybe he wouldn't have gone too far if you hadn't pushed him." Berry pointed.

"Yeah, maybe." Vinny shrugged. "But what's done is done. And something tells me an apology won't help here."

"What can we do?" Berry asked.

"For now, stand firm." Vinny declared. "Even Jet Set can't force us out of our home."

To his annoyance, Jet Set had run into a bit of a snag. Despite his connections, he was told he'd need far more signatures than those of his accomplices. While he thought of a way to get more signatures, he and his comrades continued harassing Vinny and Berry.

But one morning, Jet Set opened his newspaper to see the heading "Golden Gavel in servant racing scandal!"

"What the-?" He frowned. "'Golden Gavel was today revealed as having his servants race around his estate for him whenever he gets bored, to the point of exhaustion'?"

"I take it you heard the news." Golden Gavel walked up the front path.

"Did you really do what they said you did?" Jet Set frowned.

"What if I did?" Golden Gavel snorted. "It's good for them to get some exercise! Keeps them from getting lazy! It's not a big deal!"

"Well, according to the papers, it is a big deal." Jet Set declared.

"Tell me about it!" Golden Gavel growled, "Now I've got the bureau for fair treatment of servants hounding my flanks! They're going to take all my workers away!"

"How did they find out about this in the first place?" Jet Set asked.

"I don't know. It didn't say." Golden Gavel scowled. "But it hasn't exactly done wonders for my reputation. I've been getting yelled and hissed at in the streets all day today!"

"My condolences." Jet Set declared.

Over the next few days, more scandalous secrets were revealed; Swan Song lip-synching during her opera performance of last month, Silver Frames in a false mane shocker, and even Black Marble was nailed for buying illegally imported statues. The shame of these exposes forced them to hide indoors, ashamed to show their faces. Jet Set was left alone in his vendetta for the moment.

"Illegal imports..." Jet Set frowned. "How can this be happening? How can our friends' deepest, darkest secrets suddenly be made public?"

"Those accursed paparazzi." Upper Crust scowled.

"I don't think so." Jet Set declared. "The writers of this rag have never been so good. Somepony else is behind this."

"But who?" Upper Crust asked.

"I don't know." Jet Set declared. "But we can only hope they don't come after us next."

"Ohh, don't even say that." Upper Crust scowled. "The last thing we need is to have our reputations dragged through the mud like the others."

"But maybe we can drag somepony else's reputation through the mud." Jet Set smirked. "If I can find something to incriminate Napoleon, the tabloids may focus on him instead. I'll go and have a look around his house. There's probably some dead body buried in his garden or something."

"I wouldn't put it past him." Upper Crust grimaced.

Meanwhile, Vinny and Berry were enjoying the reclaimed peace and quiet.

"I never thought I'd say this, but thank Faust for the tabloids." Berry smiled.

"Yeah, they really know how to dish out the dirt." Vinny chuckled. "Speaking of which, did I ever show you this?"

Vinny pulled a small black book out of his mafia jacket.

"What is that?" Berry asked with curiosity.

"This, babe, would be my little black book." Vinny smiled. "In a job that is filled with lies and deceit, it is important to keep an ear open for any dark secrets that you can use to strong hoof your adversaries. This here book contains all sorts of tidbits about certain ponies I had come across. Some of them are simply their daily routines, while some of them are very personal and even criminal."

"Sounds like a useful thing to have." Berry noted.

"You have no idea." Vinny smirked. "This baby was my golden ticket back in the days. With all the info in this book, I would have stallions and mares from all around kissing my giant flank."

"Wow... might I have a look?" Berry asked.

"Knock yourself out." Vinny smiled.

Berry tooked the book from Vinny and looked at the pages. There was a lot of information, such as criminal records, gambling preferences, preferred brothels and the like, but the heading for each section was written in some bizarre script that she didn't understand.

"What's all this goobledegook?" She frowned. "It's like a drunk chicken stepped in some ink."

"It's code." Vinny told her. "Made it up by myself. Not even Lars could decipher this. Only I know just what pony the dirt's about. It's a precautionary measure in case it fell into the wrong hooves."

"Oh, in that case, I guess that's good." Berry shrugged. "Wouldn't want everyone knowing about our dark secrets..."

"Speakin' of secrets..." Vinny whispered. "You look gorgeous today. It's makin' me so hot..."

"Well, I got a secret for you." Berry smirked. "The heat's about to turn up..."

The pair kissed each other deeply.

Unbeknownst to them, Jet Set was sneaking around the outside of the house, intent on finding some incriminating evidence.

"Nothing." He scowled. "No corpses, no hidden drugs or money, nothing! I know you've got some illicit items hidden somewhere..."

Inside, Vinny and Berry had finished making out. Berry returned her focus to the book.

"So this book has dirt on everypony?" Berry asked.

Jet Set froze, peering through the living room window.

"Oh, yeah." Vinny nodded. "I could blackmail half of Canterlot with this stuff."

'So that's it!' Jet Set thought. 'He's the one behind those leaks! And not just on myself and my fellow nobles, but possibly even the royal family... Yes, yes! It all makes sense now! That book is the reason for those wretched Napoleons were pardoned in the first place!'

"Ah, geez, look at the time!" Vinny yelped. "I gotta get down the bar!" He kissed Berry goodbye. "Later babe!"

"Later." Berry chuckled.

In his rush to leave, Vinny absently placed the black book on a table.

'This is my chance.' Jet Set smirked. Using his magic, he lifted the book out through the window, and into his waiting hooves. 'You're finished, Napoleon...'

Back home, Jet Set examined the book, struggling to comprehend the code.

"What are you doing, dear?" She asked. "What's that?"

"Napoleon's little book of blackmail material." Jet Set declared. "It has incriminating evidence on all sorts of ponies."

"Seriously?" Upper Crust gasped. "Like who?"

"Hang on, I'm trying to decipher the titles." Jet Set declared. "Bloo..." He squinted through his glasses. "...Bludd.... Blueblood! So, he has 'dirt' on the royal family after all! ...No surprise that ruffian has such terrible spelling..."

"'Caught slipping into a seedy stallion's club'?" Upper Crust gasped. "I don't blame him, considering that wife of his... A Napoleon, just like Vandal. No doubt a seedy gold-digger."

"There's more." Jet Set smirked. "Shine, Gothic, Flash Sentry... all with more blackmail material. I wonder what they would think if they knew he had 'dirt' on them?"

"This is it, isn't it?" Upper Crust asked hopefully. "The key to getting rid of those commoners."

"Oh, yes." Jet Set smirked.

A couple of days later, Vinny and Berry received an unexpected piece of mail: An invitation to a party at Jet Set's country club.

"We're invited?" Vinny frowned. "What kind of crazy stunt is he trying to pull?"

"Maybe he wants to bury the hatchet?" Berry suggested.

"Yeah, right in my back..." Vinny growled. "Well, I won't be giving him the satisfaction of coming to his frilly little party."

"Why not?" Berry asked. "Even if he doesn't want to apologize, I bet you'll get a kick out of wining and dining on his Bit?"

"Good point." Vinny smirked. "Always wanted to see what those snooty snobs get up to.... Okay, we're going!"

"Great." Berry smiled. "I'll wear my best dress."

"And I'll wear my best duds." Vinny nodded. "...Now where did I put my tie with the silhouette of the two dogs humping?"

The following evening, Vinny and Berry, decked out in their best finery, made their way to the Canterlot country club, a very opulent building, its membership reserved only for the most elite ponies.

"Tickets, please." The stallion at the doors asked.

"Right here, my good fellow." Vinny flashed the invites.

"Proceed." The stallion said grudgingly.

"Thank you, Jeeves." Berry joked.

As Vinny and Berry entered the ballroom, which was resplendent with crystal chandeliers, tables covered in fancy sheets, and a veritable orchestra, Jet Set made a beeline for them.

"Ah, the guest of honor has arrived!" He smiled. "Now the festivities can begin!"

"Hey, Jets." Vinny said half-heartedly. "Nice shindig!"

"Oh, this?" Jet Set said humbly. "Just a little something I threw together at the last minute."

"We were a little surprised to get your invitation." Berry declared. "After everything that's happened between us. I hope there's no hard feelings..."

"Not at all! We decided to let bygones be bygones." Jet Set laughed airily. "Now please, take your seats. The show is about to begin."

"Show? Ooh, I hope this one has nudity in it." Vinny smiled giddly.

"Somehow, I doubt it." Berry snorted.

"Ah, these guys don't know how to live." Vinny rolled his eyes.

Vinny and Berry sat down, as did the others. Jet Set stood up on the stage.

"Ladies and gentlestallions, thank you all for coming." He declared. "We are here today for a momentous occasion... namely the unmasking of Vandal Napoleon as the crook he really is!"

A spotlight shined onto Vinny and Berry's table, which happened to be in the middle of everything.

"What?!" Vinny gaped, as the nobles sneered. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this!" Jet Set revealed the book.

"My black book!" Vinny gasped, as he checked his jacket. "How did you-"

"Oh, so you admit it?" Jet Set smirked. "Yes, my fellow upperclassponies, this supposedly 'retired' criminal is still living the life of a scoundrel! This book contains inflammatory information on the royal family, which he was no doubt planning to use to blackmail them, or some other ghastly thing!"

The nobles made sounds of outrage.

"Criminal!"

"Extortioner!"

"Parasite!"

"Throw him out! Him and his floozy!"

Berry cringed under their hateful gazes... however, Vinny wasn't phased... in fact, he was smiling.

"Just wait until we get this to the Royal Guard." Jet Set sneered. "You'll be out of here quicker than you can say 'misdemeanor'."

"Oh, yeah." Vinny said nonchalantly. "Sure."

"And not just you, but your brothers." Jet Set smirked. "They'll all go down, even the 'respected' Lieutenant Caboose. Ha-hah! I've won, Napoleon! I have won!"

Suddenly, Vinny just laughed.

"He-heh... ha-ha-ha-ha-hah!" He guffawed.

"What is so funny?!" Jet Set growled.

"Oh-oh, sorry, man, I just..." Vinny smiled, "Boy, I gotta say, gathering all your friends here and calling me here just so you can publicly humiliate me? Props to you, man."

"You're kidding, right?" Jet Set gaped. "I am about to destroy you, and you are just laughing?! What kind of stallion are you?!"

"Who cares?" Golden Gavel snorted.

"Send that scum and his moll out of here!" Silver Frames yelled.

"You know what, it doesn't matter." Jet Set snarled, "Once this gets out, you will be finished. And everything will be just as it should be. The rich over the poor. The elite standing above the common. The natural balance restored."

"Great plan. Totally digging the 'rich over poor' spiel." Vinny smirked. "Just one problem though..."

"And what is that?" Jet Set challenged.

"That the book has nothing on the royal family." Vinny smirked.

The room went silent.

"...What?!" Jet Set hissed, "Of course it does!" He opened the book to the entry of 'Blooblud', "It says right here: 'Blooblud'! As in Prince Blueblood, the one your floozy of a niece had tricked into marrying her!"

"That's code, doofus." Vinny sneered. "That particular list is for a guy back in Bitaly by the name of Freefret. Some laid back middle stallion. Good guy, just a little desperate for drugs."

"And you expect us to believe that?" Jet Set glared.

"What, you think Blueblood actually has a Poison Joke addiction?" Vinny smirked. "You really should check those entries."

"What?" Jet Set double-checked the listing. There were things in what he thought were Blueblood's entries that he never would have done, such as smuggling a goat herd across a broder. "I, er..." Jet Set gaped, realising Vinny was right.

"And besides, that is only ONE of my black books." Vinny chuckled darkly.

"...One?" Jet Set murmured.

"ONE?!" Everypony gaped.

"Take a look." Vinny declared, as he pulled open his jacket, and to all the nobles' horror, there were indeed black books lining the insides of his jacket, "You see these? I have multiple copies. Each filled to the brim with dark secrets that could have you run out of town in shame ... also makes for a great kevlar."

"You do?" Swan Song gulped. "Even on... the royals?"

"Unfortunately, despite my efforts, I got nothing on the royals. Even if I did, I wouldn't use them for blackmail. I happen to have a limit you know..." Then Vinny got a dangerous glint in his eyes, "However, I do happen to have one filled with all of yours' darkest secrets. And since you all more than willing to go after me and my family, it's only fair that I let you all know what going on within your own inner circle..." He pulled out said book from one of the pockets and read it, "Did you know... that Golden Gavel rewrote his father's will, so he'd get everything and his brothers got nothing?"

The crowd gasped in disgust.

"He what?"

"That's disgusting!"

"No... he's lying!" Golden Gavel yelled, though the sweat on his face said otherwise.

"You know Silver Frames' daughter?" Vinny continued. "The one who's been 'traveling'? She's actually in rehab! Loves her wine, and who can blame her?"

The crowd gasped again. Silver Frames cried in shame.

"Shame on you, Silver Frames, writing your own daughter off like an embarrassment?!" Black Marble snarled, "Where's your maternal instincts?"

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge, Black Marble." Vinny sneered, "As according to my sources, you disowned your son when you found out he was gay." He clicked his tongue with disdain, "Very compassionate, Mr Marble. Like a steamroller flattening a cockroach."

"I... I..." Black Marble spluttered.

"And here's a doozy: When things were tight a couple of years ago, Swan Song burned down her mother's condo and pocketed the insurance money." Vinny revealed, "Leaving her mom without a home or any money!"

"Y-you..." Swan Song stuttered.

"And that is just one dirty little secret from each of your lists." Vinny chuckled evilly. "I have many more where that came from, just enough to ruin each and every one of you."

"You filthy crook!" Jet Set spat. "How you dare...!"

"We refuse to be belittled by the likes of you!" Upper Crust added. "We are the pinnacle of high socie-"

"Oh, I haven't even gotten to you yet." Vinny glared at Jet Set. "You know, if you had just minded your own business, and let us have our party, I wouldn't had to do this. I just so happen to have information that is enough to destroy your marriage..."

"Our marriage?" Jet Set and Upper Crust gulped.

"Yup. All I need to do is say these very words, and it's all over. All in a blink." Vinny said darkly.

"No, please..." Jet Set pleaded.

"Don't do it!" Upper Crust yelled, on the verge of hysterics.

"You know, I should tell this secret and watch the fireworks..." Vinny declared... before sighing and closing the book. "But I won't. Because believe it or not, I should be thanking you."

"Thanking us?" Jet Set raised a brow.

"Yes." Vinny smirked. "Thanks for reminding me why the Napoleons stole from the rich in the first place. It's because so-called 'noble' ponies like you are so cruel and callous to the poor folk. Thanks to you, I come to appreciate the meaning of my family's work. We help those in need, not stomp on their dreams. Because that's the decent thing to do. In that sense, we are the true nobles of this world."

"That's... actually quite beautiful." Swan Song admitted.

"I never thought he could be so poetic..." Silver Frames added.

"However, if I am not going to tell any more secrets, I have a couple demands." Vinny glared at Jet, "First off, you and your friends stop it with this whole trying to kick me and Berry out of the neighborhood. Two, you jerks make up for these awful things you did to your family. That is non-negotiable. And lastly, each of you must give a 'generous' portion of your salaries to some charities, any charities; Orphans, Changelings, Breezies, spinal disto-whatever, I don't care, just do it! Any questions?"

The nobles' reaction was unanimous.

"Good." Vinny nodded, as he then grabbed the stolen book from Jet Set, "Be thankful I don't charge you for stealing my book. And that you never try to complain about my parties again... okay?"

"Yes, of course..." Jet Set nodded, a bit shaken, "Anything... just... never tell, okay?"

"You got yourself a deal." Vinny smirked. "Now, how about you make yourself useful and get us another plate of crudites?"

"Right away!" Jet Set nodded. "Waiter!"

As the waiter followed Jet Set's orders, the party returned to normal, though the outed nobles received some awkward looks from their fellows.

"That was incredible, Vinny." Berry smiled.

"It's just what I do." Vinny said smugly, as he eat his crudites. "If a pony's got dirt on 'im, I'm the guy to know it."

"But out of curiosity...how did you know about all this stuff? I mean, we hadn't been in Canterlot that long, had we?" Berry frowned.

"Oh, I had a little help." Vinny smiled, "Let's just say... that no one will be learning that Fancypants once worked at a... thrift store because of his services."

"Well, at least now, we can put all this behind us." Berry nuzzled him. "Maybe focus on... other things, if you catch my drift?"

"Oh, I do." Vinny kissed her. "I'll bet those snobs never had the kind of wild nights we enjoy."

"These uptight squares?" Berry snorted. "Not even close!"

The two enjoyed the rest of their day, free of persecution, and enjoyed quite an eventful night, taking ample opportunity to ease the stress of the last few weeks (and then some).

'All's well that ends well, right? Oh, and just in case you thought I'd forgotten, there's the other half of our tale from earlier...'

Vinny was cornered, as the four mobsters advanced on him.

"End of the road, Napoleon." Hammer Hooves sneered.

"Can I, er... have some last words?" Vinny asked.

"Eh, why not?" Hammer Hooves shrugged. "Just make it quick."

"Yeah, sure." Vinny pulled out his black book. "I'm just like to congratulate Pinion here for the baby he's about to have with Hammy's daughter."

"What?" Hammer Hooves roared, as his Pegasus cohort froze in terror. "You got my little girl pregnant?!"

"I, er..." Pinion gulped. "Would it help if I said she came on to me?"

"That's not what it looked like when you took to that fancy hotel last week." Vinny smirked.

"Hotel?" Hammer growled. "She told me she was visiting a friend! Pinion, you slimeball!"

"And Mr Needles." Vinny turned to the Unicorn. "Congrats on swiping all that money out from under Sledge's nose last week."

"You did what?!" Sledge rounded on Needles.

"He-he's lying!" Needles insisted.

"If I'm lying, how do I know the exact amount of money that vanished from Sledge's safe house last week?" Vinny asked. "Four thousand Bits, if memory serves."

"You dirty, rotten-" Sledge started.

"Now don't go getting all high-and-mighty, Sledgey." Vinny tutted. "Not after you ratted on the cops about Hammy's smuggling operation at the docks."

"That was you?!" Hammer growled. "You both betrayed me! I thought you were my friends!"

"And not forgetting how Pinion took the goods he was supposed to be delivering for Needles, and told him it was confiscated by the cops." Vinny smirked.

"Say what?" Needles growled.

"And Needles swiped some of Hammer's cash, too." Vinny said matter-of-factly.

"You all double-crossed me?" Hammer growled. "Filthy back-stabbers..."

"Like you can talk." Vinny smirked. "Hiring mercenaries to undercut these guys' operations whenever you thought they were getting too big..."

"You mean that lunatic who ruined my counterfeit jeans operation was working for you?" Sledge growled. "Who double-crossed who?"

"That was business." Hammer growled. "And speaking of business, I have some family business to attend to... You're dead, Pinion!"

"Bring it on, you mercenary-hiring whackjob!" Pinion yelled.

"I'll kill you!" Sledge charged at Needles.

"Not if I kill you first!" Needles retaliated with a horn blast.

Hammer and Pinion struggled for a while, though Hammer had the physical advantage. He put Pinion in a hooflock and snapped his neck.

"No baby daddy for my girl." He spat.

Sledge rammed Needles into a wall.

"I'm gonna make you eat that horn!" He spat.

"First, you eat this!" Needles fired another beam, which the wall above Sledge, causing a pile of rubble to crush him.

Needles barely had time to celebrate his win before Hammer shot him in the head with his crossbow.

"So much for all those backstabbers." Hammer declared, rounding on Vinny. "Now for you..."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Vinny declared. "Don't forget, I know your dirty little secrets."

"And they'll die with you." Hammer raised the crossbow.

"Oh, please." Vinny snorted. "You think I'm dumb enough to have only one record? I have back-ups. If I die, that information will be released. And not just what I said today. All your other dirty secrets will come out too. How long do you think the other gangsters will let you live after they find out what you've done?"

"...Damn you, Napoleon." Hammer growled. "You've got me. Even if I kill you, I'm finished. But at least I can go out without everypony knowing about me..."

Hammer put the crossbow against his head, and fired, killing himself.

"Well, that's that, then." Vinny smirked, kissing his black book. "Thanks again, buddy. That's another one I owe ya."

Vinny walked out of the alley, leaving the mobster's bodies to rot.

'So the lesson here is to not judge a pony by his personality. As wild and immature as Vinny can be, he knows how important it is to be prepared, and to have leverage on others, and use it to his advantage. That little black book (and it's bretherens) saved not only his life, but all of ours time and again. And even with our criminal careers on the downswing, it still came in handy. Jet Set and Upper Crust backed off of him and Berry, and have kept their distance ever since. Another victory for the common pony, I'd say.'

Three's A Crowd?

'And now we move on to Manslaughter Lucky "Slot" Napoleon. After Salt, Slot was always the biggest hothead of the bunch. If you have ever met my second to youngest brother, you would see that he is easily the quickest to anger. He wasn't always so angry, though. He was abrasive, sure, but he only started having rages after Caboose came along. I've long suspected that the source of his anger was resentment toward Caboose for taking his place as the youngest of the brothers, but I never felt it necessary to talk to him about it. Also, he is not one to wait around for us to make a plan. No, he would rather go big or go home, and to make it short, he would always go big.'

'While this has caused trouble for us in the past, it does not make the fact that he is truly an excellent assassin any less relevant. Having received some tips from our distant great uncle 47 (why he had a number for a name, I do not know), he had racked up a impressive kill quota in so little time. If someone was on our hitlist, Slot would almost always go and take him out by the end of the week (unless the mark is out of the country, then two weeks top). While as an assassin, he is silent as the night, he prefers to get up close and personal, slicing him or her to ribbons with his weapon of trade, knives.'

'His skill with knives was so great that none of us were surprised when it turned out to be his special talent; His Cutie Mark manifested after he won a knife-throwing contest with a Russiaddlan that made a comment about our mom's promiscuity. Slot scored the trophy, and threw a knife into the Russiaddlan's leg for good measure. His other talent lay with games of chance. He really lived up to his middle name, scoring win after win at every casino we ever went to. Whenever we were low on funds, we'd just take Slot to the nearest gambling establishment. He never failed to rake in some much-needed cash.

'Turning to the more mundane side for a moment, Slot had a thing for music. After this rock festival rolled into Roam when he was a kid, he loved listening to a good tune.For a hobby, he plays a really mean guitar. Despite having not much time to play on one, he is pretty damn good. Rock and metal music were his favorites, with Slot having no time for any of the softer stuff, often writing them off as all mushy and not his 'speed'. However, there was this one time when he was called in to take out a famous violinist...'

Slot sneaked into the concert hall of Saddle Arabia's capital. He climbed into the rafters above the stage, readying his knife for the hit shot. His hoof was covered in a glove, to prevent him being identified via prints. His target was the top violinist, Satin Strings. She owed a lot of money to some associates of the Napoleons, and had chosen to flee rather than pay them back.

As per usual for all brothers when they went on missions, Slot had a ham radio strapped to his back when suddenly, Grim's voice rang in.

"Slot, are you in position?" Grimm asked.

"Yes." Slot sighed. "Seriously, you don't need to check up on me every few minutes. I have been doin' this for a while now."

"Don't get complacent." Grimoire scolded him. "Even a pro can mess up if he lets his guard down."

"Not this pro." Slot smirked.

"Just make it quick and clean." Grimoire growled.

"Yeah, yeah." Slot groaned. "Jeez, you're worse than mom..."

The crowd applauded as Satin walked on stage. She was a powder blue Earth Pony with brown eyes, a silvery mane, and a Cutie Mark of some sheet music.

Slot readied himself.

"Your concert's about to be cut short." He smirked, readying the knife.

Satin began playing her violin. Just as Slot was about to throw the knife, he stopped. The music emanating from the stage was beautiful, wondrous. It set his soul aflame.

"Wow..." He gaped, lowering the knife. "What a talent..."

Unable to throw the knife, Slot chose to continue listening to Satin's concerto.

When Satin finished, the crowd applauded once more.

"That was incredible..." Slot smiled.

"Hello, Slot? Is Satin dead yet?" Grimm asked through the radio.

"Huh?" Slot snapped out of his stupor. "No, not yet."

"Not yet?" Grimm's surprise was noticeable, "Slot, what's the hold up?"

"Well, uh..." Slot mumbled. "Maybe we don't have to kill this Satin gal."

"What?!" Grimoire snorted. "Why?"

"She... she is pretty good at her job." Slot admitted. "Maybe she'll earn enough to pay us off. Besides, it seems like a shame to kill such a great musician..."

"I didn't think you were into that kind of music." Grimoire remarked.

"I'm not." Slot shook his head. "It's just..."

"Look Slot, I see what you're getting at." Grimoire sighed. "I know all about how good a music Satin is. But she crossed us, and has to pay the price. It's your duty as a Napoleon to ensure she does, regardless of personal feelings. Do you understand?"

"...Yeah, I guess." Slot bowed his head.

"Good." Grimoire declared. "Now, do what you have to do."

"Here goes..." Slot frowned.

As Satin took a bow, the knife flew into her head, killing her instantly.

"Sorry, Ms Strings." Slot sighed. "A job's a job. Too bad, though. You had some real talent..."

As the crowd gasped and panicked in horror, Slot nonchalantly made his out of his hiding spot.

'A near-miss, you might think. Out of all the hits he carried out, this was the one that Slot did not take joy in doing. Slot may seem like a thug at times, but we sometimes forget that even the toughest stallions have the softest spots. This wouldn't be the last time Slot would be entranced by a musician. He met Vinyl Scratch, a top DJ, and romance blossomed. But an unforeseen event threatened to ruin that romance. As with Sonny's chapter, a certain subject matter might be considered a tad risqué for the more prudish readers. Bear that warning well, as we move on to...'

Chapter Twenty-Four: Three's A Crowd?

Over in Canterlot, Slot had been dragged by Vinyl to a fancy gala. Slot was in his best (and most itchy) suit, uncomfortable and out of place. Vinyl, on the other hoof, was in her element.

"Hi!" She waved to her adoring fans. "Great to see you!"

"This blows." Slot scowled.

"Please don't complain, sweetie." Vinyl frowned.

"Hey, I never wanted to come to this dumb thing!" Slot pouted. "Would have been better if we'd just had a nice night in together..."

"But then you wouldn't meet my old friend." Vinyl smiled. "We were in college together, totally inseparable..."

"Oh, you were, were you?" Slot scowled, jealousy forming. He looked away angrily.

"Yep." Vinyl nodded. "We even lived together for a while. Perfect partners, we were. We went our separate ways a while back, but we still keep in touch..." She spotted her friend in the crowd. "Ah-hah! Get over here, you!" She ran over to pull her friend out of the crowd.

"I swear, if this 'friend' of yours tries anything, I'm going to kick him in the ba..." As Slot turned, Vinyl showed him her old friend...who was none other than Octavia Melody. While no longer in her prime, the gray coated mare still carried herself with an elegant, refined air. The minor age lines on her face only served to make her look more sophisticated and debonair, while her eyes still sparkled with with an artist's passion. "-dacious flanks?!" Slot swerved, stupefied.

"Slot, this is my old friend, Octavia Melody." Vinyl smiled. "Octavia, this is Slot."

"At last, we meet." Octavia smiled. "Vi's told me a lot about you."

Slot was still spellbound. Octavia's voice was as gorgeous as her face.

"Meet to great you." He mumbled, holding out a hoof. "I mean, great to pleasure you! No, I meant... a pleasure to see you! Yeah, that's what I meant!"

"My, so articulate." Octavia joked. "You're a lucky girl, Vi."

"Don't I know it." Vinyl chuckled.

"So, er... you two were at college together?" Slot asked.

"Oh, yes." Octavia nodded. "We met on our very first day. Things just 'clicked' between us, and before we knew it, we were doing everything together."

"We even lived together for a while in Ponyville." Vinyl recalled. "We couldn't agree on how to decorate the house, so we decide to split it right down the middle."

"Though mine was better." Octavia joked.

"We were the best of friends." Vinyl smiled. "We had some pretty wild nights together. Oh, the stories I could tell you..."

"Go on..." Slot urged, dry-mouthed with deviant fantasies.

"Ah, that's old news." Octavia declared. "Let's stick closer to the present. How are things, Vi."

"Pretty great." Vinyl smiled. "How's your career going?"

"Wonderful." Octavia smiled. "I just did a concert at Whinnyapolis."

"Great!" Vinyl smiled. "Octavia's a cellist, you know."

"Really?" Slot asked. "How nice for her. You know, I knew this violinist once."

"You don't say?" Octavia smiled. "What happened?"

"It... ended badly." Slot admitted. "It was a real shame. She was pretty good..."

"Hey, what did you just say about old news?" Vinyl asked. "Let's talk about the present, already! All of us."

"Of course." Octavia smiled. "I want to hear more about your handsome coltfriend."

"Happy to oblige." Slot smiled.

The three of them spent most of the night talking. Slot could barely take his eyes off Octavia the whole time.

"So, that was it for my tour of Aerovis." Octavia declared.

"That sounds incredible." Slot smiled.

"How were all those griffons audiences, anyway?" Vinyl asked.

"Oh, they were wonderful." Octavia smiled. "If a little... flighty!"

The trio all laughed, Slot a lot louder than the others. He didn't know what was wrong with him. All he knew was that Octavia was an amazing mare. She was so beautiful, so witty, so fun to talk to.

As the night came to a close, Slot and Vinyl made to return to Ponyville.

"It was great seeing you again." Vinyl hugged Octavia.

"You too, Vi." Octavia beamed.

"It was... nice talking with you." Slot admitted.

"Thanks." Octavia smiled. "Maybe we can get together sometime and... wag tongues. if you know what I mean."

"I, er... huh?" Slot gaped, confused.

"Bye." Octavia waved, as she climbed into her personal carriage.

"Smooth, Casaneighva." Vinyl smirked.

"Say what?" Slot asked.

"I saw the way you looked at her." Vinyl told him. "Got an eye for the refined gals, have you?"

"N-no!" Slot spluttered. "It's not like that, babe!"

"Please." Vinyl said teasingly. "You were drooling over her all evening."

"No way!" Slot insisting, trying to convince himself along with Vinyl. "I've only got eyes for you, Vi."

"Sure you do." Vinyl smirked. "Now let's get home. Seeing Octavia has made me nostalgic. I've got some old memories I want to relive. And you can help with me."

"With pleasure." Slot smirked.

They returned home, and had an... exciting night. But over the next few days, Slot found he couldn't get Octavia out of his head. Unsure of what to do, he decided to consult Salt and Murray while they were at lunch together at Ponyville's local cafe.

"I don't know what to do, guys." He frowned. "I can't get this Octavia chick out of my mind."

"What's the big deal?" Murray asked. "It ain't a sin to think about another mare every once in a while."

"But that's it!" Slot groaned. "It's not 'every once in a while'! I think about her all the time! Gawd, it's like I'm mentally cheating on Vinyl..."

"Relax, bro." Salt told him. "You're not cheating on Vi."

"Salt's right." Murray nodded. "This thing with that Octavia gal is all in your head. You just have to try and stop thinking about her, that's all."

"That's all?" Slot frowned.

"Yep." Salt nodded. "Just put her out of your mind, and you'll be back to normal in no time."

"Well, I guess I could give it a try..." Slot sighed.

"Shouldn't be too hard." Murray smirked. "Not thinking is kind of your speciality."

"Watch it." Slot growled.

"Good luck, bro." Salt declared. "You can do this."

"Yeah, show that brain of yours who's boss." Murray encouraged him. "Whatever going through your head, it's just thoughts. You can just ignore them."

"Right." Slot nodded. "I can do this. Just don't have think about her, that's all..."

Slot returned home, determined not to let any thoughts of Octavia enter his mind. But fate had other ideas...

As Slot entered the house, Vinyl came to greet him.

"Hey, handsome." She smiled.

"Hey, hot stuff." Slot grinned.

"Guess what?" Vinyl asked. "You got an invitation to Octavia's next performance."

"...What?" Slot gaped.

"Oh, yeah." Vinyl nodded. "She's holding a recital over in Canterlot. She sent over a personal invite for you! With a backstage pass, even! Guess she really liked hanging out with you last week..."

"I, er... can't go." Slot claimed. "I'm not really into the 'classical music' thing. Why don't you go instead? Take my invite, have some fun!"

"I can't do that." Vinyl smiled. "The invite has your name on it. Octavia wants you to come."

"But-" Slot started.

"Come on." Vinyl urged. "It won't be so bad. Besides, it'll be good to know that my stallion and my best friend are connecting. Surely you can stand one night of classical music? For me?"

"...Okay, I'll go." Slot caved in. "But just this once."

"Great," Vinyl hugged him. "You're gonna love it. Trust me!"

"That's just what I'm worried about..." Slot said under his breath.

A couple of nights later, Slot, once again dressed in his itchy suit, was at the Canterlot concert hall.

'Okay, Slot. Just remember what the guys said.' He thought. 'It's all in your head. Just ignore whatever it is you're thinking. Listen to the recital, make some small talk, then head back to Ponyville, and Vinyl. The mare you love. Just her. Nopony else...'

Slot took his seat alongside several well-to-do ponies and music enthusiasts. The curtain opened on the stage, and Octavia emerged, he trusty cello standing ready. Slot did everything he could not to think about how beautiful she looked under the spotlight.

'Just focus on the boring music she's about to play.' He told himself. 'The boring, boring music...'

The mare began to play. It was a wondrous tune, even more soul-stirring than the one Satin Strings had played.

'Whoa...' Slot thought. 'That's... that's incredible.'

Octavia continued playing, her recital edging into the highs and lows, conjuring feelings of passion and heart in every chord.

Before long, Slot was crying silent tears.

'Unbelievable.' He thought, his head swaying to the music. 'I've heard rock metal ballads that didn't stir my soul as much as this. She... she's amazing...'

With one last, passionate chord, Octavia finished her song. The crowd stood up, cheering and stomping their hooves in applause. As Octavia bowed, she cast her eyes on Slot. With a nod of her head, she silently urged him to come backstage.

'Maybe I should just drop by for a minute or two...' Slot thought. 'Just to congratulate her for that amazing performance.'

Tentatively, Slot made his way backstage, heading to Octavia's dressing room.

"Hi." Octavia smiled as he entered.

"Hey..." Slot said awkwardly. "Great job out there. That was some fine... celling."

"Oh, you're just saying that." Octavia said modestly.

"No, really." Slot insisted. "Honestly, I've never liked this 'classical' stuff. And that performance of yours still really got to me. You are some kinda wonder, lady."

"Thanks." Octavia smiled. "Good to know I made a believer out of you. By the way, Vinyl told you're something of a musician yourself."

"I play guitar a little." Slot shrugged.

"Maybe you could show me?" Octavia offered.

"I would, but I didn't bring it with me." Slot scratched the back of his head.

"That's okay." Octavia opened a trunk, from which she extracted a guitar. "I came prepared."

"Oh, right." Slot took the guitar. "I, er... don't think I have time to-"

"Just one little tune?" Octavia asked, her eyelashes fluttering. "Please?"

"Okay." Slot gushed, unable to refuse such a face. "It's been a while, but..."

Slot strummed the guitar, playing one of his favourite tunes. It was a wild, frenzied melody that personified him perfectly. He was worried (and also hoping) that it would be a little too wild for a mare of Octavia's refinement. But once he finished, Octavia started to applaud.

"That was marvellous!" She smiled.

"Really?" Slot gaped. "I didn't think it'd be your thing."

"Oh, you're not the only one with hidden musical tastes." Octavia declared.

"...How about that, huh?" Slot shrugged, his admiration for her growing.

"Vi really did net herself a wonderful stallion." Octavia smiled, moving in closer. "Strong, talented, handsome..."

"Well, now that's out of the way, I should really be going..." Slot gulped, her attention making him nervous.

"So soon?" Octavia frowned. "But you only just got here."

"Yeah, but... y'know, Vi's waiting..." Slot said feebly.

"I'm sure she won't mind you staying a little longer." Octavia smiled. "She always was the patient sort... Now come on, I have some lovely wine from Minostan I've been saving for a special occasion. It's not right to have nopony to share such a vintage with."

"Well, all that guitar playing has made me thirsty." Slot admitted. "And it's not every day I get to drink Minostan wine.... I guess one drink wouldn't hurt."

"That's the ticket." Octavia smiled. She poured a couple of glasses for them.

"Okay." Slot raised his glass. "Here's to... new friends!"

"And old." Octavia nodded, clinking her glass against his. "If it weren't for Vi, I wouldn't have met you. And that would have been such a shame..."

"Yeah, I guess..." Slot blushed, noting that Octavia was gazing alluringly at him. "Well, down the hatch."

Slot downed the wine in one gulp.

"Whoa, that's good." He smiled. "Vinny's wine just got some competition..."

"Another?" Octavia offered.

"...Yeah, why not?" Slot nodded. "Like my old dad used to say, 'Any wine worth drinking is worth drinking twice'."

"Your father was a very wise stallion." Octavia grinned, as she refilled their glasses.

"Boy, this must be the life." Slot smiled after downing his drink. "Vi's on the road a lot with her DJ thing, but she doesn't have things nearly this swanky. We just hang out in the tour bus. Never seen a dressing room like this before."

"Classical music brings with it classical tastes." Octavia shrugged. "Anything less just doesn't seem right."

"Lucky for you, huh?" Slot chuckled, the effects of the wine starting to get to him. "How about one more for the road?"

"Coming right up." Octavia giggled, she too starting to experience the beginnings of inebriation.

Despite his claim, Slot stayed for more and more wine, talking with Octavia about her career, and her friendship with Vinyl.

"So, you and Vi, huh?" Slot smiled. "Sounds like you guys were pretty close."

"Oh, we were." Octavia nodded.

"So, why'd you split up?" Slot asked.

"Well, we just had different goals." Octavia sighed. "Our careers were really starting to go places, and we had to take our own paths to get there."

"That's too bad." Slot sighed. "Do you regret your choice?"

"Sometimes." Octavia admitted. "But Vi and I still stay in touch, and see each other when we can, so it's not such a big problem."

"I kinda see where you're comin' from, though." Slot declared. "Me and my brothers don't see each other as much as we used to. It wasn't easy at first. Having ponies you were once so close with, be apart from you..."

"Wow." Octavia grinned. "You are not what I expected. Vi told me you had a sweet side, but she also mentioned you had something of a temper to you."

"She did?" Slot growled. "...Well, she's kinda right. I do blow my top a lot. I just... can't help myself sometimes. A lot of things just get me so darn mad! You probably think that's dumb, right?"

"Not really." Octavia smiled. "Passion is the spice of life, and you clearly have it in spades. I like that in a stallion."

"Oh... thanks." Slot blushed.

"I envy Vi, you know." Octavia sighed. "To have a coltfriend like you. If only I were so lucky..."

"You don't have a coltfriend?" Slot asked.

"Nope" Octavia shrugged. "Never really found the time."

"That's too bad." Slot said sympathetically. "You're a real sweet gal. Any colt'd be lucky to have you."

"Thanks." Octavia smiled. "You're sweet to say that."

"No problem." Slot said awkwardly, not liking the smile she was giving him. "Um... more wine?"

"Coming right up." Octavia nodded.

Slot quickly down the wine, and asked for another. His head began to swim...

The next morning, Slot woke up in some kind of private hotel suite, with a pounding headache.

"Urghhh...." He groaned. "You just had to have more wine, didn't ya? Ya never learn, Napoleon..."

As Slot's eyes adjusted, he realized he wasn't in his usual bedroom.

"Where the buck am I?" He frowned.

Just then, Octavia came into the room, in the midst of putting on her bowtie, much to Slot's horror.

"No, no, no..." Slot said softly.

"Oh, you're awake." Octavia smiled. "Good morning."

"...What happened last night?" Slot asked, deeply concerned.

"Oh, nothing much really." Octavia shrugged. "We had a little too much to drink, and you were afraid of getting mugged on your way back to Ponyville, so I let you stay here at my suite."

"So nothing happened?" Slot smiled. "Whew, for a moment there, I thought..."

"And you were absolutely marvellous in bed last night, Slot." Octavia grinned. "Vinyl was right about you. You really do put your aggressiveness to good use."

Slot gaped at her in horror.

"Well, I trust you can see your way out, Slot, dear?" Octavia asked. "I already told Vinyl about you staying over, so you should be good there." She nuzzled him on the cheek. "See you around."

Octavia left the room with a sultry sway. As soon as she shut the door, Slot clutched his mane and let out a horrified scream.

"AHHHHHHHH!!" He yelled, utterly horrified.

Not too far from there, Caboose and Daring were sitting in their living room, when Slot's scream filtered in through the open window.

"AHHHHHHHH!!"

"So it's a shouting match you want, is it, Canterlot?" Caboose frowned. "Well, game on!" He started yelling out the window, matching Slot's continuing screams. "AHHHHH! AHHHHH! I'm beating you!"

"Oh, boy." Daring cringed. "Not again..."

Slot rushed back to Ponyville, still in a state of shock.

'You idiot!' He berated himself, as he sat on the train. 'How could you betray Vinyl like that, you lousy slimewad!'

As he entered their home, Vinyl came to greet him.

"There you are." She smiled, kissing him on the cheek. "So, how was the recital?"

"It was... an eye opener." Slot declared.

"Yeah, Octavia always been a real virtuoso." Vinyl smiled. "What about after the recital? How did you two get along?"

"We got along... fine." Slot declared. "We drank, we talked, then we went to her hotel room... where she let me use the bed for the night, while she slept on the couch."

"Really?" Vinyl frowned.

"What's so weird about that?" Slot asked defensively. "I was her guest, after all."

"I guess that does sound a little like her." Vinyl shrugged. "Now, aren't you glad you went?"

"Yeah, sure." Slot nodded. "But I'm more glad to be with you again."

Slot embraced Vinyl in a strong kiss.

"Whoa, what's all this?" Vinyl asked.

"I just... really missed you." Slot declared.

"I missed you too." Vinyl ruffled his messy mane. "You're just in time for lunch, you know. Turf tacos, your favourite."

"Yum." Slot smiled.

As Vinyl walked into the kitchen, Slot's smile dropped off his face. He knew he should've told her the truth, but he couldn't bear to. He didn't want to break her heart. Instead, he met up with Murray and Salt at the first opportunity, and confessed everything.

"You what?!" Salt said angrily. "How could you do that?"

"I know, I know." Slot groaned.

"Do you?" Salt asked. "Do you really? You cheated on your marefriend! That's inexcusable!"

"I said I KNOW!!" Slot roared. "Don't you think I hate myself for it? Because I do!"

"Well, you should!" Salt spat.

"Back up there, Salt." Murray frowned. "Look Slot, I'd be lying if I said I was thrilled about this whole 'cheating' thing, but maybe you should think of it as a good thing."

"Say what?" Slot frowned. "How is this a good thing?"

"Because it could be your chance to hook up with a classier mare." Murray smiled. "That Octavia gal's into you, right? Maybe you should trade up!"

"Oh, real nice, Murray." Salt scowled. "Are you saying you'd 'trade up' on May if you had the chance?"

"Hey, that's different!" Murray growled.

"Doesn't sound like it." Salt spat.

"I'm just saying, Slot has the option!" Murray defended himself.

"The option to dump his marefriend?" Salt growled. "What is wrong with you?"

"Don't get all high and mighty with me." Murray glared. "You've traded up yourself. Remember when you ditched that Saffron gal in favour of that mare, Hyacinth?"

"I was young and foolish back then!" Salt declared.

"What do you mean 'back then', you big hypocrite?" Murray shot back.

"Oh, that's it!" Salt lunged at Murray.

The two began wrestling, arguing all the while.

"You take that back!" Salt yelled.

"You first!" Murray snarled.

Realizing his two older brothers were of little help, Slot left, utterly despondent. Then he thought of one other pony he could turn to. He rushed over to Grimoire and Zecora's place, only to find a note on the door.

"To whom it may concern: The stallion and mare of the house aren't in at the moment. We've gone to the beach, and won't be back until dusk. And to any burglars, please note that there is a well-trained Timberwolf inside. Enter at your own risk."

'So much for that idea...' Slot thought. 'Nice time to take a day off, Grim.'

That evening, he found himself unable to so much as look Vinyl in the eyes.

"What's wrong, Slot?" Vinyl asked, as they lay in bed together. "Come on, you can tell me."

"I can't..." Slot frowned.

"Oh come on, why not, buddy?" Vinyl said with a playful tap, "You can tell me anything."

"Trust me, babe, you don't want to know." Slot shook his head, "It's just something you wouldn't understand... sorry."

"You'd be surprised at what I can understand." Vinyl declared. "Try me."

"No." Slot said firmly.

"Why not?" Vinyl pushed.

"Because I said so!" Slot yelled. "Now butt out!"

"...Okay..." Vinyl frowned, visibly upset at this remark, but didn't bother showing it. "Well, if you want to be that way... fine, I can take a hint..."

Vinyl rolled over, sleeping with her back against him. Slot frowned as he stifled a groan.

'Way to go, Napoleon.' Slot told himself bitterly. 'The point in not telling Vi was so she wouldn't be hurt. Well, you just hurt her right now. You cheated on her and you snubbed her... Faust, I really made a mess of things.'

The next morning, Vinyl gave Slot a positively sub-zero shoulder, barely even looking at him at all. Slot figured she was either upset at him for snubbing her last night or just plain angry, but either way, he couldn't bear it. Slot walked out into Ponyville, hoping a walk could clear his mind.

'I can't keep doing this to her.' He thought. 'Vi deserves better than this. She's always been there for me. Always supportive, always looking out for me, always helping me through my rages, always giving me lots of fun nights... She's stuck with me even when I was at my worst. She's been a better marefriend than I deserve.' He took a deep breath. 'There's only one thing to do. I have to put Octavia completely out of my mind. The only way I'll be able to get past this if I don't see her ever again. And I will have to tell Vinyl the truth someday. May as well be today...'

Slot's walk continued, as he gathered up the mental fortitude to apologise to Vinyl. Saying he was sorry had never been Slot's strong suit. Deciding words might not be enough, Slot bought a bouquet of violets (Vinyl's favourite flower) from Daisy.

Slot returned home, hiding the bouquet behind his back.

"Vi?" He asked tentatively.

"Yes?" Vinyl grunted, still peeved.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you." Slot declared. "I've just... got a lot on my mind right now. And I had no right to take it out on you like I did last night. You didn't deserve that. Never in a million years. I've never been good at apologies, but they say it's the thought that counts." He pulled out the bouquet. "Forgive me?"

"Oh, Slot..." Vinyl smiled, taking the flowers. "My favorites."

"I know." Slot grinned. "I would never knowingly hurt you, Vi. I'm sorry. Like I said, I've got... something on my mind."

"And what exactly is on your mind that you would be so...distant?" Vinyl asked.

"I... I can't tell you." Slot sighed, looking her in the eyes. "But I have a good reason. Just trust me, you're better off not knowing. I know it's not easy, but do understand that I care a lot about you... okay?"

"...Okay." Vinyl nodded. "I trust you, Slot."

"Thanks, babe." Slot kissed her.

"It's hard to stay mad at you when you make gestures like these." Vinyl grinned.

"Lucky for me, huh?" Slot smirked.

"Maybe later, we could do a little make-up activity in bed later?" Vinyl purred.

"You got it." Slot grinned, embracing his marefriend.

It seemed like Slot was going to come out of that whole mess on top. Unfortunately, that though only lasted a day. The next morning, there was a knock at the door. Slot opened it to see Octavia there.

"Hi." She smiled.

"...Oh, buck." Slot cringed.

"Hey, Octavia!" Vinyl smiled. "What brings you here?"

"Just thought I'd drop by." Octavia grinned.

"And we're so glad you did." Vinyl beamed. "Aren't we, Slot?"

"Oh, yeah." Slot smiled falsely, trying his best to not panic. "Sure..."

"I'll go make us some drinks." Vinyl declared. "Slot, you keep Octavia entertained."

"Yay..." Octavia purred.

As Vinyl entered the kitchen, Slot and Octavia entered the living room, where Slot instantly rounded on Octavia.

"What the buck do you think you're doing?!" He growled.

"Um...visiting my best friend and her handsome coltfriend." Octavia smiled awkwardly.

"Oh, is that it?" Slot asked angrily, "You are some piece of work, lady!"

"Pardon?" Octavia frowned.

"Don't play dumb!" Slot spat. "Ever since I met you, you had been comin' on to me! You seduce me with that damn sexy voice, those flanks, and your siren music! Because of you, I cheated on the one mare that I cared about who actually loved me back!" At this point, Slot was trying his best to not break down in tears, "Look, Octavia, you're hot and everything, but I love Vinyl, and now, I betrayed her, because you just couldn't let me be!"

"Hold the phone." Octavia held up a hoof, "First off, thank you for your compliments. Secondly... I did nothing of the sort. True, maybe I was flirting with you a little bit, but it was you that was coming on to me that night. You wanted my body against yours that night... and well, I obliged."

"Liar." Slot snarled, "I am in a happy relationship with Vinyl. I wouldn't..."

"Well, you're wrong." Octavia shot back. "Going to bed together was your idea. We were both a little drunk that night, and you were going off about many things, like how you were angry at Caboose for taking your place as the youngest, how you regretted killing Satin Strings, and how you like everything about me. despite having just met me."

"I really said all that?" Slot cringed.

"Oh, yes you did. In fact... when you and I were doing it... you told me that you were falling in love with me... and Faust be damned, you are one heck of a kisser." Octavia explained.

"Wha..." Slot felt that his head was going to explode. "No...no, this cannot be. I love Vi..." Slot shook his head and then snarled. "That's just not true!"

"Isn't it?" Octavia asked.

"Of course not." Slot spat. "I would never, under any circumstances, say I love you to somepony else other than Vi-"

Octavia suddenly grabbed Slot and kissed him. Slot was shocked, and even terrified, given how Vinyl was in the next room. Slot tries gripping Octavia's shoulders and pulling away, groaning and grunting in protest...

'No, no!' Slot thought. 'I can't let this happen! Can't let her do this! Though she is a good kisser...'

Soon, the tension in Slot's body dissipated as he gave into the kiss. The hooves on Octavia's shoulders began inching down, riding down the sides of Octavia's body, nearing her flanks.

'What a body...' Slot thought. 'Such amazing curves. Just like-'

"Ahem."

Instantly, Slot snapped back into reality and pushed away from Octavia, only to see Vinyl glancing at both of them.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Vinyl asked.

"Gah!" Slot stepped back, horrifed. "Vi... I, I..."

"Yes?" Vinyl asked, glaring at him and Octavia. "I'm listening."

"I... I..." Slot's lip quivered for a moment, then he burst into tears. "I slept with Octavia!"

"You did?" Vinyl gasped.

"Yes!" Slot wept. "After the recital, we had some drinks, then I woke up in her bed. We... we... I'm so sorry!" He throw himself at her hooves. "I'm a lousy, cheating piece of scum! A immoral, slime-sucking toad! I'll understand if you never want to see me again!"

"There, there." Vinyl comforted Slot. "It's okay."

"It's not!" Slot sniffed. "I've ruined everything! I betrayed you!"

"Well, I can't really blame you." Vinyl declared.

"You can't?" Slot gaped. "But I slept with Octavia!"

"Of course you did." Vinyl smiled. "Just look at her!"

"I am quite a fox, aren't I?" Octavia struck a sexy pose.

"Why are you taking this so well?" Slot asked. "I just told you I cheated on you with your best friend. Aren't you angry?"

"I am a little angry, I'll admit." Vinyl frowned. "But I know how alluring Octavia is. In fact, that's how I ended up sleeping with her in college."

"Then you know what I've been tho-wait, what?!" Slot spluttered. "You two actually...?"

"Oh, we did." Octavia smirked. "Remember those 'wild nights' we mentioned?"

"But... you both slept with me." Slot gaped. "So you can't be-"

"Truth be told, we're a little of both." Vinyl grinned.

"We went out for a while, before we decided to remain friends and I moved to Canterlot." Octavia explained. "It was such a wonderful time. We were so close. We would go for walks together, snuggle on the couch, and some nights, we'd just lie in bed together, holding each other."

"Those were my favorites." Vinyl sighed.

"Seriously? Unbelievable..." Slot gaped. "But... but... I still cheated on you, Vi."

"Yes, you did." Vinyl nodded. "But maybe this is a good thing."

"How can it be a good thing?" Slot asked, a little dumbfounded by how well she was taking things.

"Well..." Vinyl trailed off, as a blush appeared on her cheeks, "You see, I kinda been hiding stuff as well. It's just seeing Octavia after so long, it stirred up some... old emotions."

"Old emotions?" Slot raised a brow.

"Well, me and Octavia were room mates for a long time, even when I was in my 'mute' phase. I didn't want to say anything because I know how jealous you can get... but seeing how things are now..." Vinyl rubbed her head. "I've been fantasizing about getting with Octavia again ever since that night."

"Aw, I knew you still thought about me like that." Octavia grinned.

"Wait, so let me get this straight... I seem to have the hots for Octavia. You still have the hots for Octavia. Octavia has the hots for me... and we have the hots for each other..." Slot was trying his best to not overwhelm himself. "...Um, oh geez, this is a lot to take in..."

"Well, might I offer a suggestion?" Vinyl smirked.

"Sure, why not?" Slot groaned, exasperated.

"Since we both feel the same way about Octavia, as you gladly pointed out, maybe we could... share her, if you know what I mean." Vinyl suggested with a grin.

For most stallions (Slot included), what Vinyl was suggested was the ultimate bedroom fantasy. But Slot was just dumbfounded. This was something that would happen to his other brothers back in the days, but to happen to him now...in real life?

"...Share?" He gaped. "You mean like... the three of us? Together?"

"That's the general idea." Octavia nodded.

"But... how would that work?" Slot asked.

"We won't know until we try." Vinyl told him.

"But..." Slot started.

"Do you want Vi to leave you instead?" Octavia asked.

"...No." Slot murmured.

"Then lets give it a shot." Octavia smiled. "Besides, you look hunky enough to share..."

"Tonight, we'll all go out to dinner." Vinyl declared. "A little three-way date. We'll see how things go from there."

"Okay..." Slot gulped, feeling as if his world has just been turned upside down and inside out.

"And I promise, no matter what happens, I'll still love you." Vinyl nuzzled Slot.

"Save it for tonight, Vi." Octavia chuckled.

"Oh, I will." Vinyl chuckled. "Gotta have enough for both of you, you know."

"Oh, I do." Octavia grinned. "You were always a great kisser."

"Wanna help me with the snacks?" Vinyl asked. "I could use a helping hoof."

"With pleasure." Octavia nodded.

The two mares walked into the kitchen, each throwing Slot an alluring glance. But the temperamental stallion was too overwhelmed by his situation to fully acknowledge them.

"What the buck just happened?" Slot yelled to nopony in particular.

That evening at the Golden Horseshoe restaurant, Slot sat between Vinyl and Octavia, still comprehending what was happening to him right now. He had never felt so awkward in his life. While some stallion boasted about having mares on both sides (Murray and Salt included), he wasn't one of them. Heck, with his track record regarding mares, he didn't think it would happen to him. Yet, here he was, between two pretty mares who were on a date with him.

'This can't be happening.' He thought. 'One guy, two mares... it's like some lousy sitcom!'

"So, how was your little romp with Slot?" Vinyl asked Octavia, which prompted the mentioned stallion to stiffen for a bit.

"Amazing." Octavia sighed. "He really is a goer."

"Don't I know it." Vinyl grinned, "I don't care what the other mares say about the other brothers, Slot just got 'it' going for him."

"Ah-heh-heh, thanks." Slot smiled weakly.

"Slot, relax." Vinyl told him. "I know this is a little weird, but there's nothing wrong with what we're doing."

"I dunno." Slot frowned. "It feels... off. I mean, I'm dating two hot mares after admitting to have cheated on one of them who is my marefriend. It all seems so unlikely. Even a little... crazy!"

"Oh, really?" Octavia rubbed his chin with her hoof. "Does that feel better?"

"Well, kinda..." Slot chuckled.

"How about this?" Vinyl nibbled his ear.

"Oooh..." Slot purred.

"You really are a handsome one." Octavia nuzzled against him. "And I love your mane..."

"Try tousling it." Vinyl instructed. "You won't be disappointed."

Octavia complied, running her hoof through Slot's mane.

"I love a stallion with wild hair." She whispered in his ear.

"And I love that accent..." Slot said in spite of himself. "It's incredible."

"You're incredible, baby." Vinyl nuzzled Slot's other side.

"Isn't he?" Octavia grinned.

Both girls planted kisses on Slot's cheeks.

"Wow..." Slot sighed, blushing madly.

"Does this still feel 'off' to you?" Vinyl purred.

"Not so much right now." Slot said dreamily.

"You see?" Octavia asked. "This isn't so bad. In fact, it's better. Two of us means twice the fun."

"True." Slot nodded, putting a hoof around each of them.

"And twice the love." Vinyl kissed him on the lips.

"Hey, don't hog him." Octavia pulled Slot into a kiss of her own.

"Maybe... maybe this could work after all." Slot admitted, before frowning. "But I think you should know, Octavia, I'm not the friendliest guy around. And then there's that temper of mine..."

"I already told you." Octavia placed a hoof on his lips. "I like a stallion with passion."

"Besides, we haven't even gotten to the best part yet." Vinyl chuckled, hugging Slot.

"Wait until we get you home, mister..." Octavia grinned, hugging Slot as well.

His brain now functioning perfectly, Slot immediately lit up with glee.

"Check, please!" Slot held up a hoof.

"Done so soon, sir?" The waiter asked.

"Not exactly." Slot smirked. "I just have a... late-night gathering to attend."

"You sure do." Vinyl grinned.

"Be sure to pick up the leftovers." Octavia teased. "You'll need the energy..."

"Don't I know it." Slot chuckled.

The trio rushed out of the restaurant as fast as they could, returning to Slot and Vinyl's home for the "main event", so to speak...

A couple of weeks later, Salt and Murray were at the café, drinking glasses of cider. Disappointed in how their last talk went, Salt and Murray hoped that Slot would had figured out his problem regarding his infidelity... however, they hadn't seen Slot since they last spoke. They called up Grim, only for him to have no ideas as well, and their brothers in Canterlot, to the same results. They even made a long-distance call to Bitaly to ask Gregory and the others if they seen him. Yet there was no signs of Slot, or Vinyl for that matter, anywhere.

"You know, I am getting worried about Slot." Murray frowned. "We haven't heard from the guy in two weeks."

"Maybe something's happened." Salt frowned. "Something bad..."

"You don't think Vinyl found out about him cheating on her and... killed him, do you?" Murray fretted.

"Kill him?" Salt shuddered, before shaking his head, "No, Slot is a pro. He wouldn't let anyone best him... but then again, he might had killed Vinyl in self defence then himself to deal with the grief of his infidelity and killing the one he loved..."

"Gosh, we gotta stopped speculating." Murray sighed, "I'm sure Slot is just fine...I mean, no news is better than bad news, right?"

"I guess." Salt murmured, "I just hope he's okay."

Suddenly, as if on cue, none other than Slot came into the café.

"Slot!" Murray and Salt gasped.

"Hey, guys." Slot greeted, "How it's hangin'?"

"Slot, where the buck had you been the past two weeks?" Murray demanded.

"Yeah, we thought something bad happened to you." Salt glared.

"Sorry, guys." Slot apologized, "I just been taking time to sort things out, you know, concerning the whole cheating thing."

"Where exactly did you go?" Murray asked.

"Las Pegasus." Slot said nonchalantly.

"...You cheated on your marefriend, and your definition of 'sorting things out' is gambling?" Salt deadpanned. "Dammit, Slot, you cheated on Vinyl with her best friend. This isn't going to help your relationship."

"If there is any relationship left to save." Murray added. "Slot, did you and Vinyl..."

"Break up?" Slot asked. "Well..."

"That's too bad." Salt sighed. "Such a shame."

"Actually..." Slot started.

"Yeah." Murray agreed. "But hey, at least now you have a chance to trade up to that Octavia gal."

"Funny you should mention that..." Slot smiled.

"Seriously, Murray?" Salt scowled.

"Hey, I'm just saying." Murray shrugged. "Vinyl was nice, but she was exactly the prettiest mare on the block."

"Hey, you're no prize yourself, Murray."

The two older brothers perked up in shock as Vinyl Scratch joined Slot's side.

"Vinyl?!" Murray and Salt gasped at once.

"What the... Vinyl... you're still..." Murray stammered.

"But... wait, if Vinyl's here." Salt assumed, before smiling a bit. "Does that mean you two actually worked things out?"

"Oh, we did more than that." Vinyl chuckled,

"But... but... what about Octavia?" Murray asked.

"Did someone mentioned me?" None other than Octavia asked, as she flanked Slot's other side.

"What the..." Murray gaped.

"Buck?" Salt finished, equally surprised, wiping the smirk from his face.

"What's going on here?" Murray asked.

"Yeah, Slot." Salt glared at me. "What's the deal here?"

"Let's just say I've been keeping busy." Slot shrugged. "But an introduction is in order: guys, this is Octavia Melody. Octavia, these are my bros, Murray and Salt."

"A pleasure to meet you." Octavia smiled.

"Same here..." Murray floundered.

"Ditto." Salt said awkwardly.

"So, er... what exactly were you doin' in Las Pegasus, Slot?" Murray asked.

"And why are both Vinyl and Octavia with you, sticking to you like magnets?" Salt followed up.

"Oh, I was just getting to that." Slot smirked, "You'll see...and you better brace yourselves..."

"For what?" Salt asked.

Slot and the two mares smiled as then, they revealed two gold rings, one on Vinyl's horn, the other on Octavia's hoof.

"We all got married!" Slot announced.

Salt and Murray dropped their glasses, their eyes pinpricked.

"You... married... both these mares?" Murray spluttered.

"Yep." Slot nodded.

"You... eloped... with two mares." Salt repeated.

"That's right." Slot smirked.

The two older brothers were left speechless for a moment... emphasis on the word 'moment'.

"How did you...?" Murray asked.

"Why did you...?" Salt gaped.

"Easy, guys." Slot smirked. "Try to breath."

"You married them... both?" Murray gasped.

"Oh, yeah." Slot nodded.

"Isn't that... illegal?" Salt asked.

"Not in Las Pegasus." Octavia grinned. "A little something I learned during a tour there."

"It's completely legit." Vinyl added.

"Oh... okay." Murray said flatly.

"...Congratulations, I guess?" Salt said awkwardly.

"Thanks, bros." Slot grinned. "Well, I would love to stay and chat, but we just came for the coffee. Then we're headed back home for a little... exercise, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, Slot." Vinyl chuckled.

"It should be quite a workout. Octavia grinned.

Murray and Salt gazed, utterly dumfounded, as Slot and his wives picked up their order and exited the coffee shop.

"...Did that really just happened?" Murray asked weakly.

"If by that, you mean our little brother, who lacks our skills with the mares, just entered a polygamous marriage with two mares...then yeah, that just happened." Salt nodded.

"...Well, at least he solved the problem." Murray gave a small but rather limp shrug.

"Yeah..." Salt murmured. "A pretty elegant solution, I gotta admit..."

The two continued staring off into space, their minds swimming from what they had just experienced.

"...Motherbucker." The two stallion exclaimed at once.

'So... that happened. And before you say anything...no, I have no idea in all of Equestria of how this could have happened. But it did. As I write this, Slot and his two spouses are living together in Ponyville. When the rest of us had heard from Murray and Salt about this, we were all stupefied. Lars tried to calculate howit could have happened, only to end up stumped. Sonny actually fainted from shock. Vinny thought he had drunk a bad batch of wine when he heard. And Caboose, well... he just thought Slot had gotten a "two-for-one deal" on the wedding. Regardless of how unexpected this was, it was safe to say that Slot was now living the stallions' definition of the 'dream'. Having been married twice, I personally cannot fathom how one stallion can be married once to two mares simultaneously. Heck, some of us keep saying that Slot's marriage wouldn't last... but despite my own objections regarding polyamory, I believe Slot hadn't been happier in a long time, even with Vinyl.

'And as the saying goes, if Slot is happy, then I am happy for him. Not to mention it should make our next family get-together infinitely more interesting...though when I talked to Slot the other day, I did feel that something was off with the world today... like something... froze over.'

Meanwhile, down in Tarturus, the entire place was covered in ice.

"It's f-f-f-freezing down here!" Twitch shivered. "What happened?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Tirek scowled. "This has never happened before."

"But it c-c-can be fixed, r-right?" Twitch asked.

"Do you have any idea how long it takes to get the pilot lit down here?" Tirek sneered. "Don't hold your breath, shorty."

"Oh, g-g-g-great." Twitch shuddered. "Just when I thought things couldn't get any w-w-worse..."

'That's it for now. See you next chapter. And rest assured, the shocks are far from over...'

Something Borrowed, Something Blood Red

'I always wanted the best for Dusty. Any good father would want that for his children. Even after Sandy's passing, I made it my number one priority that Dusty stayed happy and healthy. That went double for the stallion (or mare, on the outside chance that she 'went that way') she ended up with. I admit, Dusty had her fair share of coltfriends. Some of them were okay, but others were... well, let's just say that if Dusty hadn't kicked them to the curb, we, me and my brothers, would make sure they rued the day they messed with my daughter.'

'So of course, it was something of a surprise when she chose to date Blueblood (or rather, he chose to date her). Before anypony says anything, yes, I was aware of Blueblood's "behavior" back in the day, and how much of a buckhole he was. Now, I am aware that when Blueblood and Dusty first met, this was during the time that Blueblood had begun to become a better stallion, but that didn't stop my brothers and I absolutely loathing him. It was unfair, yes, but when you've been dealing with the kind of rich folk we'd been dealing with for as long as we have, we have our rights to our opinions. We were certain that he was just some spoiled rich brat who wanted Dusty as a trophy wife and that it would never last. In fact, the entire mafia had a betting pool on it. I was not pleased with my cohorts gambling on my daughter's love life... but I did secretly hope that those who bet that it wouldn't last a month would win.'

'But alas, it lasted a lot longer. It wasn't until we met Blueblood that we began to see what Dusty saw in him: a stallion that, while having a couple of flaws, was genuinely kind and compassionate, and was utterly devoted to her. At one point, I sorta saw myself and Sandy in them. Long story short, me and my brothers backed off, and with time, we grew to like the Prince. Murray was impressed by his impeccable sense of direction (which helped out during our hunt with him), Salt liked his stubbornness, Lars enjoyed his urbane, upper-class sensibilities, Sonny found his, shall we say, less than macho leanings to be relatable, Vinny shared with him a liking for fine wines, Slot actually bonded with him over mane products, and Caboose... well, as long as Dusty liked him, so did he.'

'In a way, Blueblood had become the son that I thought I would never have. Sure, I wouldn't be able to teach him how to shave, or show how him how to give a stallion cement horseshoes, but it's the fact that he was the closest thing to a son I had that made me appreciate him. After all, he and Dusty did provide me with two beautiful grandsons, Pureblood and Vito, who were growing into fine young colts themselves (with help from Sonny and Lars of course).'

'Like I said, I had high hopes for Dusty, but I never imagined she'd marry into royalty. Blueblood may not have seemed like the ideal son-in-law at first, but he really grew on me... However, not long after Dusty had started dating Blueblood did we discover a startling revelation that would become a secret that we would desperately keep. A dark and terrible secret that we vowed to keep from Blueblood at all costs... unfortunately, as all secrets do, it eventually came out into the open...'

Chapter Twenty-Six: Something Borrowed, Something Blood Red

One beautiful morning in Equestria, Blueblood, Dusty, Pureblood and Vito made their way down from Canterlot to Grimoire's new mansion, planning to stay there for a few days, so the family could reconnect after the craziness of the last few months. Grimoire answered the door.

"Hey!" He beamed, happy to see his daughter, son-in-law, and grandsons.

"Grampa!" Pureblood and Vito hugged him.

"Hi, dad." Dusty kissed him on the cheek.

"Good to see you, Grimoire." Blueblood smiled. "I trust you and Zecora have settled in to your new home?"

"You got that right." Grimoire smiled. "Come on in, everypony!"

Grimoire led them to the living room, where the other brothers and Zecora were waiting.

"Hi, grandma." Pureblood smiled.

"Hello to you, my grandson so true." Zecora beamed.

"Hey, guys." Vito grinned at the brothers.

"Good to see you kids again." Murray smirked.

"It's been so long since we saw you, we almost forgot we had grandnephews." Slot joked.

"Speak for yourself." Salt snorted. "I could never forget these little scamps."

"Too bad you guys don't live in Canterlot." Vinny smirked. "Me, Lars and Sonny see these guys all the time!"

"Now, now." Lars chided him. "Don't boast."

"Yeah." Sonny nodded. "It's not the time that counts, it's how we use it."

"Speaking of which, how about we have ourselves some fun?" Murray asked. "How about some soft darts throwing?"

"Sounds good to me." Vito grinned. "And I'm gonna win."

"Oh, brother." Pureblood rolled his eyes.

"You kids run along and play." Grimoire chuckled. "The grown ups will stay here, and chat."

"Come on, bro!" Vito urged. "Race ya!"

"Yeah, sure..." Pureblood sighed.

"So, how are things?" Dusty asked.

"Pretty much standard." Grimoire shrugged.

"Oh, really?" Blueblood smirked. "You consider Salt going for the heavyweight title 'standard'? Not to mention I heard a rumor that Slot married two mares..."

"You heard right." Slot chuckled. "And let me tell you, Vi and Octavia are the best wives I could ever ask for. They'd anything for me, and I do mean anything... Have I mentioned how much fun we have in the bedroom?"

"Yes!" The brother groaned/

"Faust, only you would wear out the novelty of having two wives." Murray snorted.

A short time later, and games and discussion aplenty, Zecora took the colts into the kitchen for a snack, while the others sat around in the living room, a television playing in the corner.

"It's so good to catch up with you, my girl." Grimoire smiled.

"I know." Dusty chuckled. "Things have been a little... crazy lately."

"Life just hasn't been the same without my former gangster father-in-law and his brothers." Blueblood grinned.

"Right back atchya, Blueboy." Murray smirked.

"Bet things are boring without all of us in your life, huh?" Slot smirked.

"I wouldn't put it quite like that." Blueblood chuckled. "Though you do provide some manner of excitement in my live."

"Of course we do." Vinny grinned. "Think how boring things would be without us!"

"Don't tempt me..." Blueblood smirked.

Just then, the news came on.

"This just in." The newsreader announced. "A salvage team has discovered the remains of the Royal Blue, the luxury yacht of the deceased Lord Nobleblood, who perished at sea years ago."

The brothers froze. Grimoire in particular felt a twinge of dread in his stomach.

"Hey, isn't that the boat-" Caboose started, only to have Slot cover his mouth.

"The remains have been sent to the care of the Canterlot Royal Guard for now." The newsreader continued, "The boat and its owner were pronounced lost at sea several decades ago, with no word of what happened. Perhaps now, the mystery can be solved..."

"My father's boat..." Blueblood gaped. "I remember the day he was announced as lost at sea. I refused to believe it. For weeks, I was convinced he'd come back, that he'd walk through the front door at any minute..." He shook his head. "It was foolish, childish denial. I saw otherwise eventually, and it was one of the worst moments of my life... me and my mother both grieved for him..."

"There, there, honey." Dusty comforted him. "It's okay."

"I know it was a long time ago." Blueblood sighed. "But hearing that name again... dredged up all kinds of bad memories."

"So why dwell on them?" Grimoire said quickly.

"Yeah, who cares about some old boat?" Murray added.

"Well, we should, considering-" Caboose spoke up, only to have Slot silence him again.

"Let's talk about something else!" Vinny suggested.

"How are things at the castle, Blueboy?" Salt asked.

"They're... good." Blueblood shrugged. "Mist finally had that foal of hers, and just about everypony's been gushing about him."

"Don't I know it?" Vinny chuckled. "The kid's all Blue talks about!"

As they continued talking about current events, Dusty glared at Grimoire and the brothers. She could tell something was up.

Later on, while Zecora, the boys and Blueblood were playing outside, Dusty confronted the brothers.

"Okay, what was that about?" She asked.

"What was what about, sweetie?" Grimoire asked nervously.

"Don't play dumb." Dusty scowled. "I saw the way you guys changed the subject when Blue's dad's boat was brought up."

"Did we?" Lars said awkwardly. "I don't recall."

"You guys know something, don't you?" Dusty asked. "Something about why that boat was lost at sea?"

"...Kinda." Sonny shrugged.

"Well, you'd better start talking." Dusty declared.

"Where do you get off, talking to us like that, young lady?" Slot scowled.

"We're family, aren't we?" Dusty asked. "And family don't keep secrets from each other."

"...You're right." Grimoire sighed. "I suppose you deserve to know the truth."

"But Grim-!" Murray hissed.

"But nothing." Grimoire cut him off. "Dusty needs to know, especially considering how she fits into things."

"Fits in?" Dusty frowned. "How do I 'fit in', exactly?"

"Well, it's like this." Salt declared. "Do you remember when you were little, and you got really ill?"

"How could I forget?" Dusty grimaced. "It was terrible. I thought I was going to die."

"You almost did, sweetie." Grimoire admitted. "We didn't want you to know because we wanted you not to panic."

"I was... that sick? I don't seem to recall much..." Dusty gaped. "But... how does Nobleblood fit into things?"

"Well, it went down like this..." Grimoire started.

Flashback...

'Back when Dusty was about ten, she had suddenly developed a nasty cough, and got tired a lot easier than normal. Fearing the worst, I wasted no time in having her examined...'

Grimoire was in the office of the best physician in Bitaly. Dr. Cottage, a grizzled Earth Pony with a brown mane (and stubble), blue eyes, pale yellow coat, and a Cutie Mark of a scalpel, was poring over Dusty's file. He had a bad leg, requiring a walking stick.

"How is Dusty, doc?" Grimoire asked. "Will she be okay? Please tell me she'll be okay!"

"I've looked over the results of Dusty's examination." Dr Cottage declared. "And I'm afraid it doesn't look good."

"...Oh." Grimoire's face fell. "What's wrong?"

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr Napoleon." Dr. Cottage said grimly. "I'm afraid your daughter is suffering from a rare condition in the kidneys. She will die unless we find a donor."

"What?" Grimoire gaped. The concept of somepony he knew dying from a terminal condition was certainly not new, given his wife's demise not so long ago. But even then, hearing those words again, and about his daughter, made his entire body grow cold with dread, "No... no, this can't be..."

"Please don't despair, Mr Napoleon." Dr Cottage urged. "I'm sure there's still hope for her. We may be able to save her via a donor's kidney."

"Then find one!" Grimoire urged, "Anything it takes to make my daughter feel better! I will even put myself and my brothers under the knife for her!"

"A rather noble declaration, Mr. Napoleon, but I'm afraid it's not that easy." Dr. Cottage shook his head, "Your daughter has a very rare blood type. Is there anypony in your family who happens to share it?"

"Only her mother." Grimoire sighed. "But she's no more..."

"I see." Dr Cottage frowned.

"Isn't there any others?" Grimoire asked.

"Well, there is one." Dr Cottage admitted. "But I seriously doubt he'd be willing to comply."

"Just give me the name, doc." Grimoire urged. "I'll go and talk to him myself. I can be very persuasive..."

"Okay, it's... Lord Nobleblood of Equestria." Dr. Cottage declared.

"Lord Nobleblood?" Grimoire blanched, "As in one of the leading members of the royal family under Princess Celestia herself?"

"The very same." Dr. Cottage nodded.

"Aw, buck..." Grimoire silently cursed.

"'Aw, buck' would be an appropriate term, yes." Dr. Cottage frowned, "Lord Nobleblood is not exactly known for his charitable streak. In fact, many say he's as callous and unfeeling as they come. I doubt even your impressive negotiation abilities can help change his mind."

"We'll see about that." Grimoire said fiercely.

Working quickly, Grimoire discovered that Nobleblood was on an extended vacation, not too far from Bitaly. Grimoire traveled to the harbor where Nobleblood's yacht, the Royal Blue, was docked. It was a giant of a boat, easily the size of three houses side-by-side. Nobleblood was on the boat's deck, sunning himself.

"Excuse me, your highness?" Grimoire walking over.

"What the...?" Nobleblood growled. "How dare you interrupt my relaxation time!"

"Sorry to intrude, your Lordship." Grimoire bowed lightly. "But my name is Grimoire Napoleon, and I've come to ask a favor of you. A big favor."

"Napoleon, eh? I believe I heard something about you from my aunt." Nobleblood gave a small grunt, "Very well, what is this 'favor' exactly you seek from me?"

"You see, my daughter, Dusty, is really sick." Grimoire declared. "She's suffering from a horrible disease and is in need of a new kidney. However, she has a rare blood type and me nor anyone I know matches that blood type. I was told that you were..."

"Your daughter, is she a Unicorn, like you?" Nobleblood asked.

"No, she's an Earth Pony, like her mother." Grimoire answered, a bit perplexed by the question.

"I see..." Nobleblood murmured, though a scowl began forming on his face.

"So... will you please help her?" Grimoire pleaded.

"Let me get this straight." Nobleblood said flatly. "You want me to give up one of my own kidneys, just to save some commoner filly I've never even met?"

"That's about the size of it, yes." Grimoire nodded.

"I don't think I'll be doing that." Nobleblood said bluntly.

"What?!" Grimoire gaped. "But my daughter-"

"Is no concern of mine." Nobleblood snorted. "I feel for you, I really do. But I'm not having one of my precious organs removed (leaving a nasty scar I might add) just for a filly I don't even know."

"You... you can't mean that!" Grimoire yelled.

"Oh, but I can." Nobleblood glared at him. "I'm afraid you'll just to wait for some other schlub to be willing to mutilate himself."

"Look, your Lordship, if it's a matter of money, I can surely pay you." Grimoire frowned, "I am a very wealthy stallion."

"So am I. In fact, my wealth is probably ten times greater than yours." Nobleblood scoffed, "There's nothing you can say or do that will change my mind..."

"But-" Grimoire started.

"Good day, Mr Napoleon." Nobleblood went inside his yacht, shutting the door behind him.

The dejected Grimoire could do nothing but go home. As he stepped inside the mansion, the brothers gathered around him.

"So, how'd it go?" Murray asked.

"It didn't." Grimoire sighed.

"What?" Salt frowned.

"Nobleblood refused to give up a kidney." Grimoire confessed.

"He did what?!" Slot roared.

"No way!" Sonny growled.

"How could he be so heartless?" Lars fumed.

"We oughta give that guy a piece of our minds!" Salt declared.

"Yeah, and some piece of our hooves!" Caboose added.

"Ease up, guys." Grimoire told them. "What's done is done. If Nobleblood won't help us, then beating him up won't help."

"But what about Dusty?" Sonny asked.

"We just have to hope that another donor can be found." Grimoire declared.

"Let's just hope it's soon." Lars said darkly.

Unfortunately, no other donors emerged. Over the next few days, Dusty grew steadily worse. Grimoire and the others did their best to keep her comfortable, all the while keeping the heartbreaking truth from her.

One evening, as Grimoire tucked Sandy into her hospital bed, the filly coughed harshly.

"There, there, honey." Grimoire patted her on the back.

"Daddy, what's it like to die?" Dusty asked.

"Wh-what?" Grimoire gulped. "Why would you ask that?"

"I was just thinking about mommy." Dusty shrugged. "She was really sick when she died, even sicker than me."

"Yes, she was." Grimoire nodded.

"Do you think dying made the pain go away?" Dusty asked.

"I'd like to think so." Grimoire smiled. "Wherever your mommy is right now, she's happy. I know it."

"So... dying isn't so bad?" Dusty asked.

"I wouldn't say that." Grimoire shrugged. "After all, when mommy died, we are all so sad, remember?"

"Yeah..." Dusty sniffed. "Would you be sad if I died, daddy?"

"I'd be inconsolable, sweetie." Grimoire admitted, his throat dry.

"In that case, I'll try not to die." Dusty smiled.

"That's my girl." Grimoire hugged her. "Now, you get some rest. You need it."

"Okay, daddy." Dusty snuggled under the covers.

As Grimoire left the room, something inside him snapped, as a sense of anguish and fury overcame him. When Sandy was on her deathbed, it had devastated him, not because he was about to lose his love, but because he couldn't do anything to stop her death... but for Dusty... she was at Death's doorstep... but this time, he could do something. After all, he was a mobster.

All he knew that he wasn't going to let Dusty die, no matter what.

Returning home as fast as he could, he called the others together in the study.

"What's up, Grim?" Caboose yawned.

"And couldn't it wait until morning?" Slot asked.

"No." Grimoire said fiercely. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not about to stand by and let my daughter die. Not when there's a perfectly good kidney that some selfish stallion refuses to part with."

"What are you saying, Grim?" Salt asked.

"I'm saying we're going to get that kidney out of Nobleblood ourselves." Grimoire snarled.

"Seriously?" Murray gaped.

"Yes, seriously." Grimoire nodded. "I checked, and he's still on his boat. We're going to sneak in there, and harvest his kidney."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Sonny frowned. "Let's think about this for a second. Sure, Nobleblood's a selfish jerk, but he's still innocent. He has a clean track record and everything."

"Sonny's right." Lars agreed. "We can't just take one of his own internal organs."

"We've done some bad stuff in our time, but nothing like that before." Slot frowned.

"We've never done anything close to this." Vinny agreed. "Just doesn't sit well with me."

"Plus, it'll probably be super-gross." Caboose gagged. "Don't wuss out on me, wimp." O'Malley growled, before looking to the sky. "Surprised to see me, folks? I know I am. If I'm gonna be wiped out one day, that's one thing. But will you quit bringing me back in these flashbacks already? I'm really getting sick of it!"

"I know this isn't in any of our comfort zones." Grimoire declared. "And yes, it goes against our code. But I don't care... especially if my daughter's life is on the line. I am not going to let my daughter die because I let some selfish stallion deny Dusty her right to live! I won't allow it!" He emphasized with a stomp.

The brothers looked at each other for a second. It was no question that their brother was desperate. But they knew how much pain he had suffered at the loss of his wife... and if he was to lose his daughter too... they couldn't bear to see what it would do to him.

"You're right, Grim." Murray nodded.

"We can't let Dusty die." Salt agreed. "Not like her mother..."

"It's an extreme situation, alright." Lars announced. "And it calls for extreme measures."

"Nobleblood had his chance to do the right thing." Sonny scowled. "Now we'll have to make him do it."

"Yeah." Vinny smiled. "Dusty's need is greater than his."

"Besides, Mr. royalty could probably buy a new kidney." Slot shrugged.

"I want Dusty well again." Caboose declared. "Even if it means cutting into some guy's gross insides!" O'Malley jumped in again. "That's the part I'm looking forward to."

"Okay, that settles it." Grimoire smiled. "Let's go get us a kidney."

After borrowing a boat from their agent Victoria White, and gathering all the stuff they need for this vital mission, the brothers reached the Yacht, which was floating out at sea. With grapples in hoof, they clambered onto the boat. They were all wearing black clothes and ski masks, to hide their identities from any passers-by. Easily slipping inside past all the staff, they found Nobleblood sleeping on his bed in his bedroom.

"This is it." Grimoire whispered, as they whipped off their masks.

"All we need to apply some anaesthetics and get him into the tub of ice, and his kidney is good as ours." Lars declared.

They pulled back the covers, then lifted up Nobleblood's silk pajamas. Underneath was a hard metal sheath wrapped around his torso, the words "Kidney Blocker 5000" printed on it.

"What the-?" Lars gaped.

"Looks like somepony thought ahead." Murray scowled.

"Oh, Lauren Faust, who buys a kidney blocker?!" Salt griped.

"What..." Nobleblood suddenly woke up.

"Nice going, big mouth!" Slot hissed.

"You!" Nobleblood glared at Grimoire. "I knew you'd come sooner or later. Don't think I haven't heard the stories about you Napoleons! There's no way you're getting my kidney! Not after I have you all thrown in-"

Caboose suddenly smashed the bedside lamp against Nobleblood's head, knocking him out. The other brothers gaped at him.

"What?" O'Malley's voice growled. "He had it comin'. Now, you guys gonna cut out what we need, or what?"

"Yes." Lars pulled out a scalpel. "We just have to unlock that kidney blocker first."

"Leave that to me." Slot pulled out some bolt cutters.

After tearing off the kidney blocker and moving Nobleblood to his bathtub filled with ice, the brothers got to work on the operation. Lars handled the bulk of the procedure; After learning that Dusty was sick, he had immersed himself in possible medical procedures, in an attempt to be better informed on things. The others handled the tools, anaesthetic, and anything else Lars needed.

Hours later, the brothers had the kidney safely ensconced in a specifically designed container (which Grimoire had called in a couple of favours to get). Nobleblood had been stitched up, and they were preparing to leave.

"Mission accomplished." Murray grinned.

"Hang in there, Dusty." Sonny smiled. "We've got the cure for what ails you right here..."

"Enough talk." Grimoire declared. "Even in that special little tub, the kidney won't last that long. We have to hurry back and get it to the doc."

Just as the brothers were about to disembark from the yacht, Nobleblood burst out, his stitched-up wound still raw and red, and his body wet from all the ice. He was wielding a loaded crossbow, his eyes filled with hate.

"Not so fast!" He roared.

"He's awake already?" Slot frowned, as they raised their hooves. "Lousy cheap anaesthetic..."

"Now just calm down, your highness." Sonny cringed, "We know this look bad-"

"Shut up! Did you really think you could mutilate me and get away with it?" Nobleblood snarled. "Well, think again!"

"Look, I'm sorry that it had to come to this. Really, I am." Grimoire told him. "But you left us no choice. I can't lose my daughter. Maybe if you hadn't refused to help-"

"Help?" Nobleblood scowled. "Did you really expect me to help some half-breed Earth Pony brat?"

"...What did you just say?" Grimoire scowled.

"Your daughter is nothing but another Earth Pony serf." Nobleblood spat. "The very idea that I would sacrifice a part of myself to keep some lowly commoner from a lesser race alive is laughable!"

"Lesser race?" Caboose gaped. "Well, well. Somepony's prejudiced." O'Malley added.

"No kidding." Sonny snorted. "You can't going around totin' that kinda attitude anymore. What is this, the dark ages?"

"Don't you talk about my daughter that way." Grimoire bristled.

"Why not?" Nobleblood pointed the crossbow at him. "A pony from a second-rate species such as her is nothing special. I say let her die. One less mudcrawler to dirty up the world."

"How dare you..." Grimoire growled fiercely.

"Considering what her immediate family is willing to do, I'd say she deserves it." Nobleblood sneered. "Besides, it'd be better this way. At least she won't have to live as an orphan."

"You'd really kill us?" Vinny asked. "I don't think Princess Celestia would approve."

"Well, I don't give a flying buck what that old harlot feels." Nobleblood sneered. "Besides, the nice thing about being part of the royal family is that you have lots of underlings who can cover up unseemly acts like this and I don't have to lift a hoof. I'll have them make it look like you all died in a freak boating accident, and even the likes of Celestia would be none the wiser!"

"Jeez." Slot grimaced. "I knew he was a jerk, but now he's just straight-up evil."

"I'm evil?!" Nobleblood spat. "You're the ones who cut me open and took my kidney!"

"Technically, Lars did that." Caboose pointed.

"And for what?" Nobleblood spat. "To save some worthless brat? Well, that's not going to happen. You're all going to die, and that little filly of yours is going to join you soon enough. Maybe I should check in at the hospital and bribe an orderly to... shall we say, speed things up? The faster that brat is gone, the better..."

"I told you not to talk about her like that..." Grimoire snarled.

"Why not?" Nobleblood jeered. "Not only is she a filthy Earth Pony, she's from a family of crooks. I know a fair few ponies who'd be on my side over this! They'd actually celebrate the demise of your urchin."

"Quiet!" Grimoire spat.

"Maybe before I end her, I'll tell her that her precious daddy is dead." Nobleblood chuckled wickedly. "Make sure all her hope is crushed before her life ends..."

"YARRRRGH!" Grimoire had had enough. Overcome with rage, he charged at Nobleblood. Nobleblood tried to fire at him, but the enraged don was too fast for him to even pull the trigger, as he knocked the crossbow out of his hooves and throwing him to the ground before he could react.

"Gah! Release me, you commoner trash!" Nobleblood struggled.

"Shut up!" Grimoire punched him in the face. "Just shut up, you smug, self-satisfied piece of filth!"

Grimoire kept on punching Nobleblood, pounding his face to pulp.

"Grim, that's enough!" Murray yelled.

"We got what we came for, so let's go!" Salt added.

"No." Grimoire snarled. "Not until I've taught this slime a lesson!"

"Yeah!" O'Malley whooped. "Pound that pretty boy!"

"Please... no more..." Nobleblood gurgled, his mouth full of blood.

"You're the one who doesn't deserve to live." Grimoire snarled. "You callous, racist son of a mule!"

Grimoire pounded Nobleblood even more.

"Kuhhhh..." Nobleblood let out a death rattle.

But Grimoire took no heed of it, being unfinished, as he kept punching the Lord's face to a point in which he was now punching chunks into the floorboard.

"Grim, that's enough!" Sonny grabbed his brother.

"He's dead! It's over!" Lars agreed, as he helped Sonny pull.

"Let me go!" Grimoire struggled.

"Grim, snap out of it!" Murray slapped him.

The pain helped break through the blood-red fog of rage. Grimoire regained his wits. He looked upon Nobleblood's mangled body with horror, especially the part where his head used to be. Trembling, he glanced at his now bloodied hooves.

"...What have I done?" He gaped.

"Royally screwed up." Slot declared. "And I mean royally."

"If anypony finds out you beat a Prince to death, there'll be some real trouble." Vinny agreed.

"Our only choice is to cover this up." Salt announced.

"...Right." Grimoire nodded, still shell-shocked. "Let's do this."

Putting their ski masks back on, the brothers rounded up the servants still aboard the yacht, and set them on a lifeboat.

"This is an outrage!" The head chef yelled. "When we tell the Princess about this-"

"You won't tell anypony if you know what's good for you." Slot scowled, waving a knife.

"Where is Lord Nobleblood?" The captain asked.

"That's none of your concern." Grimoire declared, a lot harshly than he intended. "Now, bon voyage."

Slot cut the rope tying the lifeboat to the yacht, and the servants drifted away, on a course to nearby Eurodeo.

"Are you feelin' alright, bro?" Salt frowned at his elder brother.

"I'm... I'm fine. Now that they've been dealt with, it's time to finish the job." Grimoire said a bit coldly.

The brothers raided the yacht's fuel supply, pouring it all over. They then climbed back into their boat and sped off.

"Sonny, please do the honors." Grimoire nodded, as they drove away.

"You got it." Sonny nodded. He used his fire magic to ignite the fuel.

In moments, the Royal Blue was ablaze, becoming little more than an orange glow as they drove farther and farther away. The flames reached the engine, and the whole thing blew up in crimson flare, sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

Mere hours later, the kidney was brought to Dr. Cottage (who had been advised not to ask where it came from), and Dusty was rushed to surgery. After waiting outside the operating theatre for what seemed like an eternity, the brothers saw Dr. Cottage emerge, his gloves covered in blood.

"Well?" Grimoire asked, still a bit shocked from tonight's events.

"The operation was a complete success." Dr Cottage smiled.

Most of the brothers sighed in relief.

"Yes!" Murray cheered.

"Woo-hoo!" Caboose yelped.

"Thank Faust." Grimoire smiled a tired smile.

"She'll need some time to recover, but she'll be able to go home soon." Dr Cottage declared. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wash up."

"Our girl's gonna be okay." Salt grinned.

"At last." Sonny smiled.

"Makes the night's work all worth it." Lars beamed.

"Dusty's coming home!" Vinny whooped.

"It'll be good to have the kid back..." Slot declared.

In the midst of their cheering, the brothers noticed how Grimoire suddenly became sad and sullen.

"Yeah..." Grimoire frowned. "But at what cost?"

"Hey, you said it yourself, we couldn't let Dusty die." Vinny told him. "We had to have that kidney."

"But I didn't have to kill Nobleblood." Grimoire declared. "He may have been a selfish, racist jerk, but he didn't deserve to die in such a brutal fashion. I broke the code in which the family had followed for so many years..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Grim." Murray urged. "Sure, you kinda messed up tonight. Sure, you had us all bend the rules. But it was for the best of reasons."

"That's right." Sonny nodded. "Dusty is going to be alright now. All thanks to you."

"But I killed him..." Grimoire protested. "On top of stealing his kidney. He was innocent on all counts and I just murdered him! ...I have to turn myself in...I shouldn't be free."

"Hey, you listen, and you listen good!" Salt glared. "Nobleblood might have committed no crimes, but he was going to let your daughter die, because she was an Earth Pony. And he was more than willing to kill her and us back there when we took his kidney. There lies a difference between a innocent pony who is evil and a guilty one who isn't."

"Yes...but..." Grimoire started.

"It was either your daughter or him." Murray growled. "And you chose your daughter. You should take pride in that."

"Nopony'd miss that sack a' slime, anyway." Slot scowled.

"No kiddin'." Vinny nodded. "Offin' a jerk like that did the world a favour."

"Not to mention, he provoked you by threatening Dusty." Lars pointed out.

"And was about to kill us." Sonny added.

"And besides, turning yourself in kinda defeats the purpose of a cover-up." Caboose shrugged.

"...You're right, boys." Grimoire smiled. "Whatever I did, I did for Dusty. As long as she's okay, nothing else matters."

"That's the spirit." Slot grinned. "Now, I dunno about you guys, but I'm going to bed for the next twelve hours."

"We could all use some rest." Lars nodded.

"You guys head back to the mansion." Grimoire told them. "I'll sleep here for now."

"Anything you say, bro." Murray declared, as the others departed.

"Say 'hi' to Dusty for us!" Caboose beamed.

Grimoire lay on the waiting room's couch, happy that his daughter was safe, and determined to never speak of the events of the previous night ever again...

The present...

"And that's pretty much it." Grimoire explained.

"I don't believe it." Dusty gasped. "All these years, I never imagined..."

"We thought it would be best not to tell you." Lars declared. "We thought it might be a little jarring for you."

"Gee, you think?!" Dusty yelled.

Out in the hall, Blueblood heard his wife yelling. Curious, yet not wanting to intrude, he stood outside the door, listening in.

"I'm sorry we kept this from you." Grimoire apologised. "You were so young at the time, and as the years rolled by, it didn't seem like it was necessary to tell you..."

"Necessary?" Dusty growled. "You didn't think it was necessary to ever tell me that you killed the father of my husband?"

"WHAT?!" Blueblood roared, as he burst into the room.

"Oh buck..." Murray gulped.

"Is it true?" Blueblood asked Grimoire. "Did you really kill my father?"

"Look, Blue, it's not what you-" Grimoire started.

"Answer me!" Blueblood yelled.

"Easy there, Blueboy..." Salt urged.

"Yeah, just calm down..." Sonny added.

"Calm nothing!" Blueblood snarled. "I want the truth!"

The brothers were all frozen in shock. They had never seen Blueblood so angry before.

"Grimoire, did you kill my father?" Blueblood repeated.

"...Yes." Grimoire nodded. "Yes, it's true... but Blueblood, it wasn't as if I meant to do it... it was an accident..."

"I believe you." Blueblood declared, having known Grimoire long enough to know when he was telling the truth. "But whether you meant to do it or not is besides the point. You killed my father, and what's worse, you never even had the common decency to tell me. You've been keeping this secret from me since the first day we met!"

"I have, and for that, I'm sorry." Grimoire declared.

"I'm afraid sorry doesn't cut it, old timer." Blueblood scowled.

"Blue..." Dusty whispered.

"I need to go." Blueblood said flatly. "Away from all of them..."

Blueblood stormed out of the room, and the mansion.

"Oh, no..." Dusty groaned.

"I don't think that could have gone any worse." Lars sighed.

"Do you think he'll have us arrested?" Caboose asked worriedly. "I really don't like the thought of going to prison..."

"We were pardoned, remember?" Vinny scowled. "We can't be arrested for anything we did before the Crystal Sun thing."

"That's not what I'm worried about." Dusty fretted. "Your little secret could drive my husband away forever!"

"No, it won't." Grimoire declared. "I'll go and talk to him."

"But you have no idea where he went." Dusty frowned.

"Oh, I have an idea." Grimoire frowned knowingly.

Some time later, Blueblood was sat in the evidence yard of the Royal Guard, gazing upon the remains of the Royal Blue.

"Hey."

Blueblood turned to see Grimoire standing before him.

"How did you get in here?" Blueblood scowled.

"Relation of the royal family, remember?" Grimoire smirked.

"What do you want?" Blueblood spat.

"To talk." Grimoire answered.

"I don't want to talk to you." Blueblood snarled.

"Blueblood, you have every right to be angry with me." Grimoire sighed, "But you gotta understand the circumstances..."

"Circumstances?!" Blueblood repeated, "You took my father from me!"

"That I did, but it wasn't part of the plan." Grimoire explained, "Dusty was very sick, and needed a kidney. Your father was the only chance we had of saving her life, and he refused to give it up."

"I don't believe that." Blueblood frowned. "My father may have been callous, but he would never do something so heartless."

"It's the truth, Blueblood." Grimoire sighed. "I had hoped that someone else would come along with a kidney, but none did, and Dusty had little time left. So, in desperation, we snuck onto his yacht, and took his kidney ourselves. The anaesthetics didn't last as long as it should have, and he had us at crossbowpoint. Then he threatened us and her and said some awful things... and I just lost it. I didn't even realise he was dead until the others snapped me out of it."

"It doesn't matter how you did it." Blueblood declared. "You killed him. Because of you, I lost my father."

"I know." Grimoire sighed.

"Why did you never tell me?" Blueblood asked. "Even in the early days, when you hated me?"

"There are some lines even I won't cross." Grimoire told him. "Your father, as selfish and callous as he was, was an innocent. I never wanted to kill him."

"And I grew up without him because of that." Blueblood frowned.

"Well, how good of a father was he?" Grimoire asked.

"Honestly?" Blueblood recalled. "He was cold, he was distant, he never had time for me. He never told me he loved me, he never even told me he liked me. The only thing he ever gave me was money, and lectures over how being royalty made us better than everypony else."

"Sounds like he wasn't that great a dad at all." Grimoire declared.

"No, he wasn't." Blueblood admitted. "But he was still my dad. Losing him really hurt me. It made me throw myself into parties, and random mares. His absence made a hole that I've never quite filled."

"I'm sorry." Grimoire sighed. "I knew your father had a son. I also knew what it would mean for a foal to lose a parent. I'm so sorry I never told you. You deserved to know."

"Yes, I did." Blueblood nodded. "That's what hurt the most. Over the years, I grew to admire you, trust you. I... I guess I saw you as a new father figure. In many ways, I believed you were a better father figure than my own father was..."

"I guess you had to, huh?" Grimoire smiled.

"But now, I'm not so sure." Blueblood declared. "I don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"If we knew who we could trust, it couldn't really be called 'trust', then would it?" Grimoire sighed. "Besides, you shouldn't make Dusty suffer over this. She's innocent. And right now, she's probably worried sick about you."

"I shouldn't have run out on her." Blueblood sighed. "It was... the spur of the moment."

"I've been there." Grimoire admitted. "It's hard to resist, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is..." Blueblood smiled. "I believe you when you say you didn't mean to do it. And even so, it was to protect Dusty's honor. I can respect that..."

"Still not one of my proudest moments, though." Grimoire sighed.

"Even if you did lie, I suppose it was for the best." Blueblood continued. "Things might not have worked out so well if I'd known back then. I may not have married Dusty, or had our kids..."

"Let's not dwell on 'what ifs'." Grimoire told him. "My father used to tell me that we shouldn't dwell on the past, or we'll miss out on the present."

"A very smart stallion." Blueblood declared. "Let's head back."

The two stallions returned to the mansion as fast as they could. The second they entered, Dusty ran up and embraced Blueblood.

"I was so worried!" She sniffed. She then cuffed him over the head. "Don't ever do that again!"

"I'm sorry, darling." Blueblood apologized. "I didn't mean to worry you. I just had to clear my head."

"I'm sorry, too." Dusty declared. "I never knew anything about this."

"It's okay." Blueblood declared. "It's in the past."

"Really?" Dusty smiled.

"Trust me." Blueblood assured her. "I have all the family I need right here."

At that point, Pureblood and Vito entered the room.

"Hey dad." Vito smiled.

"Where have you been?" Pureblood asked. "We missed you!"

"I just needed to clear my head." Blueblood shrugged. "Now, what say we go play some more Ping-Pong?"

"Yeah!" The twins cheered.

"Then let's go." Blueblood smiled.

The others watched as Blueblood and his sons went off to play.

"Blueblood's quite a father." Grimoire told Dusty. "You should be proud."

"I like to think he picked some of it up from you." Dusty admitted.

"Me too." Grimoire grinned.

'All's well that ends well, you might think? Not quite, for a few days later, I came in for a fateful doctor's appointment. I had been feeling a little off lately. I thought it was something minor. How wrong I was...'

Dr. Stable looked at his notes, a look of sadness on his face.

"Well?" Grimoire asked.

"I'm sorry, Mr Napoleon." Dr. Stable sighed. "All the signs point to the beginnings of... Prancington's Disease."

"No..." Grimoire gasped. "Not that..."

"Is there a... history of the disease in your family?" Dr. Stable asked.

"Yes." Grimoire nodded. "My father had it."

"I see." Dr. Stable mused. "Well, medical science has come a long way since then. There's some medication I can prescribe that will slow the disease's progress considerably, but I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before it destroys your mind completely."

"How long?" Grimoire asked.

"With the meds slowing it down? About a year." Dr. Stable declared. "Perhaps sixteen months."

Grimoire was silent for a moment.

"...I'll take what I can get." He declared. "Write up the prescription, doc."

"Of course." Dr. Stable nodded.

As Dr. Stable wrote up the prescription, Grimoire was still facing the shock of the news...

'There you have it, dear readers. My mind's starting to go, and soon, my life will go with it. But I won't let it stop me from finishing my memoirs. Make no mistake, I have a few stories still left in me. If you're holding this book in your hooves, then you know I'll complete this tome before my mind turns to jelly. This may as well be my last contribution to the world, so treasure it well. I know I will...'

Tales From The Trio

'As you can imagine, the revelation of my illness has still shaken me. But I refuse to let it stop me from writing. It will take a lot more than Prancingson's to keep a stallion down. I'm still as good at writting... sorry, writing, as I always was.'

'Now, in this chapter, I've decided to shine a spotlight on the unsung heroes of the mafia: Big Guns the buffalo, Carapace the changeling, and Gregory the griffon, three of our best operatives. Gregory is one of the sharpest Griffons I've ever known. Big Guns is a powerhouse, with crosspow prowess to rival Murray's. And Carapace? Well, there's nopony better at stealth and infiltration (though that last part probably goes without saying). You no doubt have read about them in previous chapters, and you may have wondered how they came to work under our family. Well, wonder no more, as I will tell you of their origin stories, in a chapter I call...'

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Tales From The Trio

One evening in a mafia outpost just outside Ponyville, Gregory, Big Guns, and Carapace were playing a card game. They had travelled to Ponyville to keep an eye out for a known shyster who had been reported to be in the area. After a few days with nothing to show for it, they had decided to take a small break.

"Boy, things have sure been crazy these last months, huh?" Gregory asked, as he drew a card.

"No kidding." Big Guns nodded. "I can't believe the Napoleons were outed."

"I can't believe they didn't wind up in jail." Carapace snorted. "And now everypony seems to know who we are."

"Not to mention how hectic things have been lately." Big Guns added.

"'Hectic'." Carapace sneered. "That's putting it mildly. Things were so much easier when nopony knew about any of this. Why did the Napoleons have to expose themselves anyway?"

"To save Equestria." Gregory pointed.

"Big deal, they live in Bitaly." Carapace scowled. "To save a country they barely knew, the brothers outed us all."

"Ah, come on." Gregory declared. "Don't look at it like that. Don't forget that we all lived there at one point."

"Why not?" Carapace spat. "They threw a spotlight on us! Dragging us into the fight against that psycho and his shadows, then taking 'time off', splitting up and leaving us in the lurch. Wherever I go, others look at me! They know who I am, and who I work for!" He sighed. "My hive and I have never been close, but when I came to visit last month, they barely even spoke to me."

"I can relate." Big Guns sighed. "When my sister found out the truth... well, she was outraged. Gave me this rant about how I sold out my morals to become some gangsters' lackey... Said she never wanted to see me again..."

"That's too bad, pal." Gregory sighed.

"What about you, Gregory?" Carapace asked. "Have your loved ones turned on you?"

"Well, Gilda was a little mad at first." Gregory admitted. "But it turns out knowing I kill crooked ponies on a regular makes her really hot."

"It does?" Big Guns frowned.

"Oh, yeah." Gregory nodded. "Just last week, after I took out a squealer, I came home with a little of his blood still on my talons. My gal went totally wild!"

"Dear Faust, I think your wife has a problem." Carapace grimaced.

"Hey, every gal has their kink." Gregory shrugged. "Why do you think I've got such a big family? It's cuz my mom loves it when dad preens her neck feathers! And I got a gal who's just as wild!"

"Lucky you." Carapace growled. "But the rest haven't been so fortunate. Our lives are ruined, thanks to the Napoleons. I thought they cared about us!"

"Of course they care about us." Big Guns admonished. "They treated us like family all these years. They made life better for us all."

"Hrrr...." Carapace growled.

"It's true." Gregory declared. "I remember what life was like before I ever knew the name 'Napoleon'. Boy, things were rough..."

Flashback...

It was mating season in Hollow Shades. The Griffons were all pairing up, and going off to the customary caves to seal the deal. While most Griffon males were willing to go with any female that would have them, Gregory only had intentions of courting Gilda. He thought she was the most beautiful Griffon around, and had done ever since she had moved to Hollow Shades from Griffonstone. Gregory had lived in Hollow Shades all his live, having a steady job as an assistant in the local library. It paid well enough, but he found it a little boring. In fact, he had found his whole life to be boring of late. Then Gilda came along. She was so beautiful, so feisty, so worldly... From the first moment he saw her, he knew he had to have her.

"Hey there, gorgeous." He sidled up to her.

"Hi, Gregory." Gilda smiled pleasantly. The two had had several interactions before that day, mostly friendly chats "How's your mating season been so far?"

"Until right now, I'd have said 'not good'." Gregory smirked. "But seeing you always makes my day."

"Smooth." Gilda chuckled. "Bet you say that to all the girls."

"So, what say you and me get... cozy?" Gregory purred.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Gilda asked. "You know the rules for mating: The male has to bring back a kill for the girl they want to court. The bigger the better."

"Seriously?" Gregory snorted. "We can't get together unless I bring you a blood-soaked corpse? What wacko came up with that idea?"

"Our ancestors." Gilda declared. "I'm not saying I like it, but that's the way it is. And you'd better hurry up if you want to get with me. Glen over there's been giving me the eye."

"Glen?" Gregory snorted. "That sack of pigeon droppings?"

"Hey, at least he knows the score." Gilda shrugged. "You wanna get with me, you gotta bring back a kill." She ran a talon gently down Gregory's beak. "You do that, and I'm all yours."

"Then that's what I'll do." Gregory said boldly. "Stay gorgeous, Gilda. I'll be right back."

"I hope so." Gilda said to herself. "That Glen really is a sack of pigeon droppings..."

Despite his boasts, Gregory was not a cold-blooded killer, and found himself having trouble pulling off a kill. His first target was a sheep. Everything went okay at first; He lay in hiding behind a bush, then leapt at the creature, pinning it down.

"Bahhh!" The sheep bleated, struggling in vain.

"Okay, here we go..." Gregory splayed his talons. "Sorry, wooly. Time to die!"

The sheep bleated mournfully, as if begging Gregory not do it. Gregory's talon hovered above it. Though he wanted to be with Gilda, he just couldn't bring himself to kill the sheep.

"Ah, geez..." Gregory sighed, releasing the sheep. "You know what? You're not a good enough kill, anyway. Go on, get out of here!"

The sheep ran away as fast as it could.

"I gotta find something bigger." Gregory declared. "Something that's really gonna impress Gilda..."

As he looked around, he spotted a moose.

"Okay, take two." He mused.

Gregory leapt onto the moose's back, digging his talons in deeply. The moose brayed in pain as it thrashed around, trying to throw Gregory off its back.

"Whoa, this is some ride!" Gregory yelped, holding on for dear life.

Eventually, the moose tired, and fell to the ground.

"Gotcha." Gregory grinned. He raised talons, ready to finish things... But as he looked at the panting, helpless moose, he felt a pang of remorse, and found himself once again restraining himself. "Aw, not again..." He simply walked away, leaving the exhausted moose to recover.

And so it continued; Every time Gregory caught something, he ended up wimping out on the kill. He just couldn't kill an innocent animal.

"What is wrong with me?" He groaned, as he stood in a clearing, bemoaned his acts of mercy. "Griffons are supposed to be fierce killers! Why can't I do this?"

"Hey pal, do ya mind bemoaning your life a little quieter?" Salt suddenly popped up from behind a rock. "I'm trying to hide here!"

"What the-?" Gregory frowned. "Who are you?"

"Salt Napoleon, nice to meet you." Salt nodded.

"Gregory." Gregory returned.

"Now, how about you quiet down a little, so I don't have to punch your beak off? Thanks." Salt glared.

"Why exactly is a pony hiding out here?" Gregory asked, lowering his voice.

"If you must know, I'm hiding out from a bunch of hill-billies I ripped off." Salt declared. "I sold 'em some counterfeit jewels. I didn't think they were smart enough to recognize the fakes..."

"Well, you may not want to hide here." Gregory frowned. "It's Griffon mating season, you know. And we don't take kindly to intruders during the procedures."

"Oh, I'll be gone soon enough." Salt shrugged. "I already gave those dumb hicks the slip. I'm only sticking around long enough to make sure."

"Counterfeit jewels... what are you, some kind of crook?" Gregory asked.

"I prefer the term 'unorthodox entrepreneur'." Salt shrugged. "Sure, me and my family pull off a few cons and heists, but we have our honor. I only ripped off those hillbillies because they were scum. They were running moonshine in their basement, inbreeding, the whole enchilada."

"Sounds charming." Gregory grimaced.

"So if this is the mating season, then what are you doing out here by yourself?" Salt asked.

"Well, in order to mate with a girl, first the male has to bring back a kill." Gregory declared. "That's the part I'm having trouble with."

"Oh, really?" Salt asked. "What's the problem? Not much cop at the old hunting game?"

"No, I can hunt just fine." Gregory declared. "I just... can't bring myself to kill any of my catches."

"Can't do the deed, huh?" Salt mused.

"Yeah." Gregory sighed. "Kinda pathetic, right?"

"To be honest, I kinda respect that." Salt smiled.

"You do?" Gregory frowned.

"Yep." Slat nodded. "It means you're a caring, compassionate guy."

"Fat lot of good that does me right now." Gregory scowled. "Without a kill to bring back, I can't mate with Gilda."

"Gilda?" Salt asked.

"The Griffon of my dreams." Gregory smiled. "Ever since I first saw her, I've been totally been in love with her."

"She really all that?" Salt grinned.

"You have no idea." Gregory sighed happily. "She's beautiful, she's spunky, she's got a fabulous wingspan... she's just perfect." His face fell. "And I won't get to be with her, all because I can't bring myself to kill anything!"

For a moment, there was silence. Then, Salt spoke up.

"I think I might have a solution to your problem." He smiled.

"A solution?" Gregory asked.

"More of a deal, actually." Salt corrected himself. "If I can help you get with this Gilda girl, you agree to join our little organization." Salt extended a hoof. "What do you say, Greggy?"

Gregory mulled it over. The idea of hooking up with pony criminals was a little galling, but he wanted to be with Gilda so badly, he was willing to do anything.

"Okay, I'm in." He nodded. He took Salt's hoof in his talon and shook it.

"Good choice." Salt smirked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure what exactly you can do to help, though." Gregory admitted. "The way I hear it, you ponies aren't much when it comes to hunting. I mean, you're herbivores, for Grover's sake..."

"Hold on." Salt stopped him. "We're not alone."

"Say what?" Gregory frowned.

"I can smell something in the wind..." Salt looked towards the bushes. "Something that you'd look really good bringing back... Wait here, 'kay?"

"Okay..." Gregory frowned.

Salt marched off into the bushes. Seconds later, Gregory a rustling noise, a roar, and the sounds of struggle.

"What the..." He frowned.

Gregory went over to investigate... and found Salt wrestling with a bear.

"That all you got, Smokey?" Slat jeered, as he grappled with his prey.

"Flying feathers!" Gregory gaped, amazed by what he was seeing.

The bear swiped its paw, striking Salt around the face.

"Oh, done warming up, are we?" Salt smirked. "Then let's get serious!"

The fight became more frenzied. The bear scratched Salt, but in return, Salt punched it on the nose. As the bear stumbled backward, Salt kicked it in the stomach, causing it to double over. Salt then leapt on the bear's back. As the animal roared, trying to shake him off, he wrapped his hooves around its neck.

"Say goodnight, Yogi." Salt sneered.

With one swift twist, Salt snapped the bear's neck. The animal collapsed, lifeless.

"Holy-!" Gregory gaped. "That was... That was..."

"Awesome, right?" Salt smirked. "You bring this big fella back, and every Griffon gal around'll want to get with you."

"It's not every gal I want." Gregory declared. "It's Gilda."

"Well, let's hope she's impressed by bear carcasses." Salt grinned.

"Thanks for this." Gregory smiled. "I really appreciate it."

"No problem." Salt smiled. "Now, after you and the little lady have your fun, I expect you to fulfil your end of the bargain."

"You got it." Gregory nodded.

With some difficulty, Gregory dragged the bear carcasses back home. The other Griffons gasped in astonishment at the size of his "kill".

"Incredible!"

"Is that... Gregory?"

"He took down a bear?!"

"No way!"

Gregory brought the bear over to Gilda, whose beak dropped.

"So... what do you think?" Gregory asked nervously.

Gilda grabbed Gregory by the feathers.

"You. Me. Cave. Now." She purred.

"...Oh, boy." Gregory gulped.

As Gilda practically dragged Gregory into the cave, Salt popped his head up from behind some bushes. He gave Gregory a small nod, and a look that said "Go get 'er, tiger."

The present...

"So there you have it." Gregory smirked. "I agreed to join up, and in return, Salt got me laid. Now, Gilda and I have a whole bunch of kids. In fact, there's another on the way."

"Whoa..." Big Guns gaped.

"Wait a second." Carapace frowned. "How could you go from not wanting to kill animals to freely killing ponies?"

"Oh, Salt taught me." Gregory shrugged. "It took a while, but he eventually taught me to get past it, and now I have no problem taking a life when I need to. Just another plus of making a deal with a Napoleon. That, and the aforementioned turn-ons I give Gilda."

"Talk about your perks..." Big Guns snickered. "Of course, my recruitment went a little differently..."

Flashback...

Outside of Appleloosa, Big Guns (known then as "Gunther"), was resting in his wigwam. His younger self was a little slimmer, with a very shaggy coat, and a feathered headband. Just then, his sister, Petunia, burst in, weeping. She was a slender, slim buffalo, with a desert rose in her hair.

"Gunther!" She sobbed.

"Petunia?" Gunther frowned, as she ran to him for comfort. "What's going on?" He noticed the bruises on her face. "What happened to you?"

"I... was in town, and I met that pony, Dandy Andy." Petunia sniffed.

"The mayor's son?" Gunther asked.

"That's him." Petunia nodded. "I met him in the tavern. We got to talking. He seemed so pleasant, and charming. He invited me back to his home to continue talking... but the second we were inside, he grabbed me, and tried to kiss me."

"He what?!" Gunther growled.

"I didn't like how forceful he was being, so I pushed him away." Petunia declared. "Then he got angry. He... he slapped me, kicked me, beat me... all the while telling me I was just some 'savage', that should have felt honored he would even touch me!"

"Why that low-down, dirty..." Gunther scowled.

"When he grew tired of hurting me, he threw me back outside... then spat on me." Petunia shuddered in anguish. "I... I..."

"There, there, little sister." Gunther comforted her. "Trust me, that filth won't away with this. I'll see to you he pays for what he did."

Gunther rushed over to the house of Appleloosa's current Mayor, Mudslinger. He banged furiously on the door. Mudslinger (a brown Earth Pony with a straw-colored mane, dark blue eyes, mud puddle Cutie Mark, and a white suit) answered.

"May I help you, sir?" He said, a tad annoyed.

"Yes, you may." Gunther growled. "Your son just tried to come on to my little sister, and he beat her when she spurned his advances."

"I find that hard to believe." Mudslinger glared at him. He called upstairs. "Dandy!"

Dandy rushed down. He had his father's coat, but a blonde, curly mane and pale green eyes. His Cutie Mark was of a top hat.

"Yeah, dad?" He asked.

"This... gentlebuffalo here says you made advances on his little sister, and then assaulted her when she refused." Mudslinger declared. "Is this true?"

"As if." Dandy snorted. "Like I'd ever waste my time on one of those desert-dwelling savages... no offense." He glanced at Gunther.

"Well, there you have it." Mudslinger told Gunther. "My son says he didn't do it."

"Are you serious?" Gunther spat. "My sister isn't a liar!"

"And you're saying my son is?" Mudslinger shot back.

"We'll see what the rest of the town thinks." Gunther glared.

"Oh, I don't think so." Mudslinger sneered. "If you even think about spreading those slanderous lies, I'll have the sheriff throw you into jail for the rest of your natural life. I'll have your little tribe driven off their land. And as for your sister... well, perhaps Dandy could deal with her."

"You... you lousy... you can't do this!" Gunther yelled.

"Actually, I can." Mudslinger smirked. "I'm the mayor, remember? I own this town, and I refuse to let some shaggy-coated beast of burden tarnish my family's reputation!"

"Good call, dad." Dandy smiled.

"This ain't over." Gunther spat. "I'll find some way of making sure your son gets what's coming to him."

"You would be wise to let this go." Mudslinger told him.

"Never." Gunther declared. "Good day, Mr Mayor."

With that, Gunther left the house. He was fuming, mostly because he knew the Mayor was right; He could touch Dandy, not without bringing down the full wrath of his father.

A short while later, Gunther sat in the local tavern, drowning his sorrows. Just as he slugged back another sarsparilla, Dandy entered the bar, flanked by two friends.

"What happened with you and that Buffalo gal, anyway?" One of the friends asked. "It looked like you were in there!"

"Eh, she was frigid." Dandy snorted. "Seriously, you'd think living out in the desert would have warmed her up a little..."

Gunther tightened his grip on the glass he was holding. He would have liked nothing more than to walk over to Dandy and put his lights out, but he knew the boy's father would waste no time in making him regret it. Unable to take being in the same building as that vile Earth Pony, Gunther left the tavern.

"Lousy punk." He muttered impotently. "Having his daddy keep him out of trouble. If the rest of the town only knew what Mudslinger was covering up..."

As he walked through the streets, muttering to himself, he failed to watch where he was going, and bumped into none other than Vinny.

"Hey, watch it!" Vinny yelled.

"Sorry, stranger." Gunther apologized. "I've... got a lot on my mind right now."

"Don't we all?" Vinny snorted. "I've got me an important job to get down, but I can't find anypony to help out! I had a guy who was supposed to help, but I just got word that he couldn't make it, so I'm up the creek without a paddle!"

"Well, my problem's a little more personal than that." Gunther sighed.

"Yeah, how so?" Vinny asked.

"Well... my little sister was beaten by the mayor's son, but the punk's father is threatening to have me thrown in jail, my tribe thrown off the land, and my sister killed if I try to do anything about it." Gunther admitted.

"The Mayor?" Vinny frowned. "You mean Mudslinger?"

"That's the one." Gunther nodded.

"I've heard of that slimeball." Vinny scowled. "Word is that son of us has done all kinds of vile stuff, and he covers it all up so he doesn't get in trouble. Means the kid's practically untouchable by both the law and the common folk."

"So I've just gotta stand by and let him get away with hurting my sister?!" Gunther snarled. "That's not right!"

"You know something? I just got an idea." Vinny smirked. "How about you give me a hoof on this job of mine, and I'll kill that punk for you?"

"Kill him?" Gunther frowned.

"He deserves it, doesn't he?" Vinny asked.

"...Yeah." Gunther nodded. "Yeah, he does."

"So I'll add icing him to my to-do list." Vinny smiled. "But first, you help me with this job."

"Deal." Gunther smiled. "By the way, what kind of job is it?"

"Oh, a bank job." Vinny said nonchalantly.

"A b... you're going to rob the bank?!" Gunther yelped.

"Hey, relax, big fella." Vinny told him.

"Relax? You're a criminal!" Gunther yelled.

"You could say that, sure." Vinny shrugged. "But the bank I'm planning on robbing is run by real crooks. They've been ripping off their customers for years. Stealing from their accounts, charging them way too much for transactions... And don't even get me started on the secret accounts for the mob bosses."

"Is all that true?" Gunther asked.

"Cross my heart." Vinny said seriously. "Robbing from that bank is just making things right, like killing that punk Dandy. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. You in?"

"Well, I already gave my word..." Gunther sighed. "Okay, I'm in!"

"Great." Vinny smiled. "Now, you go get a mask and a weapon, and meet me outside the bank in a couple of minutes."

"Got it." Gunther nodded. "By the way, the name's Gunther."

"Vinny." Vinny smiled. "See ya soon."

Gunther rushed back to his wigwam. Petunia had cried herself to sleep.

"You just hold on, sis." Gunther said grimly. "Justice will soon be served."

A short while later, Vinny was waiting outside the bank, crossbow at the ready, when he saw Gunther walking down the street, wielding an exceptionally large crossbow.

"Whoa!" Vinny gaped. "Nice piece!"

"Thank you." Gunther smiled. "It was my father's. It is like you ponies say 'you go big, or you go home'."

"Never been truer words. That oughta let folks know we mean business." Vinny smiled. "Now, we gotta do this quick, before the sheriff shows up. In and out in under five minutes."

"Understood." Big Guns nodded.

"Masks on." Vinny instructed. He pulled on a ski mask, while Gunther wrapped a bandanna around his face. "Crossbows loaded." They loaded their weapons. "Let's do this!"

They rushed into the bank, crossbows at the ready.

"Freeze, and nopony gets hurt!" Vinny yelled.

Customers and tellers alike threw their hooves up. While Gunther covered the front, Vinny walked over to the tellers, brandishing a large sack.

"Okay, bub, fill this up with Bits from the main vault." Vinny ordered.

"But..." The teller gulped, knowing that was where their more illicit takings were located.

"NOW!!" Vinny screamed, pointing the crossbow at him.

"Yes, sir!" The teller yelped.

More afraid for their lives than their jobs, the tellers took all the Bits out of the vault and into Vinny's sack.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Vinny smirked. He turned to Gunther. "Let's go, big guy!"

"Right behind you." Gunther nodded, as they rushed out the back way.

Following Vinny's lead, Gunther raced through the back alleys of Appleloosa, getting as far from the bank as possible, and out into the plains. They stopped to hide behind a large rock.

"Okay, that was a pretty good heist." Vinny declared.

"Whoa, what a rush." Gunther gasped. "I didn't think I'd find crime so thrilling..."

"You're a natural. We got out of there in four minutes!" Vinny smiled. "The only problem is the name. 'Gunther' just doesn't cut it as decent 'tough guy' name. ...Hey, how about 'Big Guns'?"

"Big Guns?" Gunther frowned.

"Yeah." Vinny nodded. "You got that big ol' crossbow, don't you? It's a perfect nickname for you!"

"Well, I guess it does sound imposing." Gunther smiled. "Just remember your side of the bargain."

"How could I forget?" Vinny smiled, as he pulled out a second mask, "Just give five more minutes and we will both be satisfied."

A short while later, Vinny, donning the second mask, and for some reason, a top hat, entered the tavern, where Dandy was still boasting to his friends of the things he had gotten away with.

"Dandy Andy?" Vinny asked.

"Who wants to..." Dandy stopped as Vinny pointed his crossbow at him. "...Know?"

"Big Guns sends his regards." Vinny announced.

"Who?" Dandy cringed.

"Exactly." Vinny smirked.

Vinny fired his crossbow. The bolt struck Dandy in the chest, killing him instantly.

"Good day, everypony." Vinny tipped his hat, and departed. The tavern's shocked patrons looked on in horror.

That evening, Vinny prepared to depart.

"Guess this is it." Vinny smiled. "See ya around, Big Guns."

"About that." Gunther declared. "I was thinking I could come with you."

"Oh, really?" Vinny's eyes widened.

"Yes." Gunther nodded. "I got quite a rush out of that job today, and from you taking out that lousy Andy. I'd like to feel that rush more often. If you'll have, I'll be glad to go to work for you and your family."

"Sure, why not?" Vinny chuckled. "We could always use another big guy..."

"Just so long as I get time off to visit Petunia." Gunther added.

"I think I can swing that." Vinny grinned. "Let's get going then... Big Guns."

"Right behind you." The newly-rechristened Buffalo smiled.

"...Oh, and by the way, after I got done with Dandy, I took the liberty of whacking off the other guy you wanted dead." Vinny smirked.

"What other guy?" Big Guns frowned.

"The mayor, Mudslinger. He let his son do all that stuff, and threatened you." Vinny explained, "So I left a little surprise for him..."

"Um, Vinny, I didn't want Mudslinger dead!" Big Guns protested. "He's a slimeball, but he's also the mayor!"

"Well, too late for that." Vinny shrugged.

Back in town, one of Mudslinger's aides knocked on the door of his study.

"Sir, you have to dedicate the new water pump, remember?" He called.

Receiving no answer, the aide entered the room... only to find the dead body of Mudslinger in his chair, a bolt through the head.

"Holy buck!" The aide yelped.

"Hmm..." Vinny checked his watch. "Time to get going. We don't want to be around town for the next few days. Folks can get pretty sensitive about a political assassination, y'know."

"Oh, Faust..." Big Guns groaned. "The Mayor's dead, because of me..."

"Relax, I already slipped in a nomination for the new Mayor on my way out." Vinny chuckled, "Let's just say that gay cowboy that always making that over-the-top greeting is getting a surprise tomorrow."

"What, Braeburn?" Big Guns frowned, "He's not gay."

"Really?" Vinny snorted. "Coulda fooled me... Now, let's ride outta this soon-to-be-run-by-a-mistaken-for-gay-stallion town!"

Vinny raced toward the train station.

"Well, I wanted excitement..." Big Guns shrugged. "Wait up!"

Big Guns followed Vinny, ready to begin his new life, warts and all.

The Present...

"And that's how Braeburn became mayor." Big Guns smirked, "And how I became a mobster."

"That's quite a tale." Carapace remarked. "But I assure you, it has nothing on mine."

"Oh, yeah?" Big smirked. "Let's hear it, then."

"Gladly." Carapace nodded. "In my youth, I was something of a claustrophobic. I hated cramped spaces... especially the cells of my hive. I spent as much time outside as I could, much to the annoyance of my fellows. Even Queen Chrysalis herself told me to 'act like a real Changeling', but I wasn't having any of that. Only my loyalty to the hive kept me from simply leaving, which gave me quite a chafing, unhappy existence. But one morning, something happened that changed everything."

Flashback...

A young Carapace was sitting on the edge of the Changeling hive's cavern, staring out into the countryside.

"Ah, such wide, open spaces." He sighed.

"Hey! Zzzlime for brains!" A young Char yelled. "Zzztop loafing around! Back to work!"

"Of course, Captain." Carapace snapped to attention. The second Char turned his attention elsewhere, he added "You hardshelled jerk" under his breath.

Once he was sure Char was gone, Carapace went back to gazing outward. Moments later, he saw an odd sight; Wizel, one of their eldest members, sneaking off, wearing a fedora and carrying a large sack.

"Hello..." Carapace frowned. "What's he doing?"

Wizel had always impressed upon Carapace and the rest of the younger Changelings to never leave the hive under any circumstances. Yet here he was, doing that very same thing.

"I'm sure there's a good reason for this." Carapace mused. "Maybe he's on a special mission for the queen. Yeah, that's it. Not really any of my business, anyway..."

But curiosity got the better of him. Making sure no one was watching, Carapace slipped away from the hive, intent on following Wizel.

Carapace's tracking led him a good distance from the hive.

"Where is he going?" Carapace frowned. "The Queen never sends us out this far. Not alone, at least..."

As Carapace followed Wizel, the old Changeling led him to a clearing, where Lars and Caboose were waiting.

"Who are they?" Carapace growled, hiding behind a tree.

"Ah, Wizel." Lars smiled. "Punctual as always."

"Hey, Wizzy!" Caboose waved.

"Lars. Caboose." Wizel nodded. "Good to see you again."

"Do you have the... materials?" Lars asked.

"Right here." Wizel patted the sack.

"Good." Lars smiled. "The representatives for the Red Horseshoe gang are just a ways away. We musn't keep them waiting."

"Of course not." Wizel agreed.

"You know how those guys get when they're crabby." Caboose tutted.

Both intrigued and confused, Carapace followed the truth further into the wilderness. Out by an old road, a quartet of ponies, led by a red-maned, gray-coated Pegasus stallion with silver eyes and a dart-shaped feather Cutie Mark.

"Well, it's about time." The leader scowled. "The Napoleons really need a better clock..."

"Really, Flechette, we're not that late." Lars frowned. "Patience is a virtue."

"And time is money." Flechette spat. "Now, let's see those goods."

Wizel opened the sack, revealing the contents.

"Some genuine Changeling royal jelly, tastier than it looks, I promise..." He held up a jar of pale yellow goo. "Some shed shells, excellent for use as armor..." He held up another jar, containing green slime. "Resin, stronger than any brick mortar..."

Carapace couldn't believe his ears. Wizel was selling the Changeling's natural resources to ponies!

"Wizel!" He stormed out of his hiding place. "How could you!"

"Carapace!" Wizel gasped "What are-?"

"I'll ask the questions here!" Carapace spat. "How can you sell our hive's resources to these ponies? These are the guys that are causing us to starve! Who forced us to hide in caves! Yet here you are, getting all chummy with them, you traitor! Why, if the Queen were here..."

"Queen?" Flechette scowled. "Is this some kind of set-up?"

"No, I assure you..." Lars declared.

"Sure it is." Caboose nodded.

"What?!" Lars yelped.

"Well, you did set up this meeting." Caboose shrugged.

"Filthy doublecrossers!" Flechette spat. "Plug 'em all!"

Flechette's underlings pulled out their crossbows. Lars and Caboose, having no choice, followed suit.

"Impertinent larva..." Wizel glared at Carapace, before charging up his horn. "Ruined everything..."

While the ponies and Wizel engaged in a fierce firefight, Carapace made a beeline for the sack and its contents.

'This is my chance.' He thought. 'If I can get this back to the hive, I'll be a hero! None of them will ever get on my back again. Even Char will have to kiss my thorax!'

Just as Carapace reached for the sack, Flechette spotted him.

"Feelers off my stuff!" He yelled. He threw a razor sharp knife right at Carapace's head.

"Look out!" Caboose pushed Carapace out of the way, leaving the knife to embed itself in the road sign.

"You... saved my life." Carapace declared.

"...Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Caboose smiled proudly. "I'm a hero!"

Wizel glared at Flechette.

"How dare you." He scowled. "Impertinent larva or not, that was one of my hive you tried to kill! For that you will pay!"

Wizel blasted Flechette with his horn, slamming the crooked Pegasus to the ground.

"Ahhh!" Flechette yelped. "Why, you-"

As Flechette got up, he realised that all his flunkies had been taken out, leaving him alone.

"I think you should leave, Mr Flechette." Lars declared.

"Oh, I will." Flechette spat. "Let that brother of yours know our deal is hereby null and void." He took off into the sky. "You made a powerful enemy today!"

"I'm shaking in my horseshoes." Lars deadpanned. He then turned to Carapace. "So, what should we do with this little fellow?"

"This one saved my life."Carapace pointed at Caboose...and then frowned, "Aw, crap, that means I owe him my loyalty!"

"Huh?" Caboose raised a brow.

"Changeling code." Carapace sighed, "If somepony saves a changeling's life, they are bound by honor to be forever loyal to the one who saved him and his family... even if that one is a pony..."

"Oh...cool." Caboose smiled.

"I suppose we could always use another agent." Lars shrugged.

"I'm still angry with you, Wizel." Carapace added.

"I'm sorry about the resources I took." Wizel apologised. "but I assure, we had surpluses of those...heck, we have enough to support three hives."

"That's not what I'm talking about." Carapace declared. "How many times have you told me not to go outside our borders, or consort with outsiders! yet here you are, doing those very things, and with ponies, no less you big hypocrite! The very ones who have been antagonising and oppressing us for years! How could you do such a thing!"

"I apologize, young one." Wizel sighed. "I allied myself with these fine fellows and their family in order to spread the wealth of the Changelings with the world. I know there are many who wish for us to remain in solitude, but I believe there is a place for us out there."

"Really?" Carapace scowled. "After everything those ponies have done to us?"

"Not all ponies are the same." Carapace declared. "The Napoleons may be criminals, but they are also open-minded and honourable. And there are many others out just like them. You just have to give them a chance."

"Maybe you're right..." Carapace admitted. "And I have always wanted to see the outside world..."

"If you're serious about working with the Napoleons as I have, I could help cover for your absences." Wizel suggested. "In exchange for not breathing a word of this to the others, of course."

"I accept." Carapace smiled.

"Welcome aboard, pal!" Caboose smiled.

"You want to see the world? Stick with us." Lars declared.

Carapace felt a new sense of excitement. At long last, he was going to be free of his confines, and go out into the wide world...

The present...

"So Caboose saved your life?" Gregory snorted. "Caboose?"

"Yes." Carapace nodded. "Such a noble gesture couldn't go unrewarded. I pledged my loyalty to the Napoleons that day."

"How can you say they don't care about us?" Big Guns asked. "They barely even knew us back then, and they still helped us out."

"Big's right." Gregory agreed. "If it weren't for them, our lives wouldn't have turned out half as good."

"Well, there is that." Carapace admitted. "but that still doesn't change the fact that they sold us out."

"Only to save the world." Gregory pointed out. "It must have been a tough choice for them. They had to bring everything out in the open, or risk that Black Knight nutjob destroying everything."

"I think they made the right call." Big declared. "They helped save Equestria, just as they helped us all way back when."

"That's just the kind of guys they are." Gregory added.

"Yeah, it is." Carapace smiled. "Even if things are different now, being one of their agents was the best thing I ever did with my life."

"Same here." Gregory beamed.

"Ditto." Big Guns nodded. "And so what if everypony knows who we are? That won't stop us from getting the job done!"

"Got that right." Gregory agreed.

"Hear, hear." Carapace nodded. "Now, enough mush. Back to the game. And I've got a full house!" He displayed his cards proudly.

"Aw, you win again!" Big groaned.

"Every time." Gregory sighed, as he pushed his Bits over to Carapace.

"Maybe my luck's changing after all..." Carapace chuckled.

'Carapace was right. Not long after that, the trio returned to their respective homes...'

Gregory returned to his family's home in Hollow Shades. A large house (paid for by his work for the Napoleons). The second he entered, he was swarmed by his many children.

"Dad's home!" A young male chick cheered.

"Yay!" A female cheered.

"Easy there, kids." Gregory chuckled. "Give daddy room to breathe."

"Hey, dad." Grizelda, Gregory and Gilda's eldest, smiled. She looked a lot like her mother, but she had her father's eyes.

"And how's my darling 'Zelda?" Gregory beamed.

"Pretty so-so... until you came back." She smiled. "Just seeing you's enough to make a bad day good."

"That's my girl..." Gregory grinned.

At that point, Gilda walked into the living room.

"Welcome home, Greggy." She beamed.

"Okay kids, give mom and dad a little private time." Gregory urged.

"You heard him, ya little ankle-biters." Grizelda teased. "Let's bounce."

The kids followed their big sister out of the room, leaving and Gregory and Gilda alone. Gilda immediately pounced on Gregory, kissing him fiercely.

"Miss me?" Gregory asked.

"Always." Gilda beamed.

"Same here." Gregory stroked her head feathers.

"So... did you kill anypony lately?" Gilda purred.

"Maybe..." Gregory chuckled. "I just might tell you after dinner."

"You tease..." Gilda smiled suggestively.

"You know you love it." Gregory grinned.

Husband and wife headed into the dining room for dinner with the family. And afterwards, Gregory and Gilda had some real fun...

Meanwhile, Big Guns returned to his old wigwam, currently being occupied by Petunia. He wasn't about to let his sister cut him out of her life, so he made another attempt to straighten things out.

"Petunia?" He said tentatively.

"Get out." Petunia scowled. "I have nothing to say to criminals."

"Do you know why I went to work for the Napoleons?" Big asked. "Because Vinny promised to take out Dandy Andy in exchange."

"What?!" Petunia gasped. "Why would you even agree to a deal like that?"

"For you." Big declared.

"Excuse me?" Petunia asked.

"I wanted to make Dandy pay for what he did to you, but his father, the Mayor, would have covered it all up, and had me thrown in prison if I tried anything." Big explained. "I couldn't let that punk get away with hurting you, so I made a deal with Vinny. Sure, I became a crook, but at least I could rest easy, knowing the pony who hurt could never do it again."

"Gunther..." Petunia gaped, unsure what to say.

"I still think I made the right choice." Big declared, making to leave. "If you want to hate me, then hate me. I'd pay any price to keep you safe."

"Gunther, wait!" Petunia stopped him. "...Maybe I was too hasty in judging you. I may not like you being a criminal, but knowing that you made a sacrifice like that for me... well, it means the world to me."

"Thanks, little sis." Big smiled.

"And I suppose your bosses did help save Equestria." Petunia added. "So I guess they can't be all bad."

"They're not." Big smiled. "They're all pretty decent guys, actually. You'd like 'em."

"Maybe... you could stay a while?" Petunia offered. "I have some of your favourite herbal tea."

"Sounds great." Big grinned.

Brother and sister shared a soothing pot of tea, and reconnected (to Big's joy)

Over by the Changeling kingdom, Carapace walked through the streets, still receiving glares from the populace. He was determined to ignore them, though.

'I know who I am.' He thought. 'I don't need anypony's approval...'

"Hey, look!"

Carapace turned to see a group of young Changelings rushing over to him.

"It's him!" The leader pointed. "Carapace!"

"Awesome!" A mid-sized female squealed.

"Mr Carapace, we think you're the greatest!" A smaller male smiled.

"Really?" Carapace gaped.

"Yeah!" A tall female nodded. "You're this way cool mobster guy. You travel the world, and beat up all sorts of rotten folks!"

"I wish I could be like you!" The small male grinned.

"You do?" Carapace said, surprised.

"We all do." The mid-sized female nodded.

"Well... thanks." Carpace declared, cowed by their adulation.

"Can we have your autograph?" The leader asked, holding a chunk of bark.

"Sure, kid." Carapace nodded.

Using his horn, Carapace burnt his signature into the bark.

"Cool!" The young ones cheered.

"Now get out of here, ya little scamps!" Carapace chuckled.

"Thanks, Mr Carapace!" The tall female whooped, as they rushed away.

"Huh." Carapace grinned. "Looks like my luck's changing after all..."

"It certainly is." Wizel walked over to him.

"Hey, Wiz." Carapace smiled. "Did you see that? Those kids love me!"

"Many here do." Wizel declared. "You're quite a hero amongst the young ones."

"Feels good." Carapace grinned. "Real good..."

"Still glad you followed me that day?" Wizel asked.

"You know it." Carapace nodded.

'So there you have it; The origin stories of three of our best operatives. I did feel bad about having to out them along with ourselves during the "Crystal Sun" crisis. I wouldn't have blamed them if they'd left our employ. But like true family, they stuck with us through thick and thin, and I couldn't be more grateful. I can never thank them enough for their loyalty. All I can do is trust they keep up the good work. Until next time, dear readers...'

The Gentlecolts

'So I've been doing the best I can to live with my condition, but to be honest, it's had its ups and downs. It turns out the meds I was given come in a handy epipen. It's easy to dose myself, and easy to hide them from everypony. Unfortunately, the meds do have some side effects. Not only do they give me unbelievably twitchy back legs, they also make me a little cranky. Just yesterday, I almost tossed Murray out of a window, just because he said my hedges were a little uneven. Fortunately, I fed him a lie about how I stayed up late writing. I still have no intention of letting the others know about this. Even with the meds, I'm starting to feel the effects of the Prancington's Disease. I'm suddenly feeling drowsy when I shouldn't, finding it hard to sleep (despite the drowsiness), and I've been forgetting a few more things (nothing too important so far, though I did forget where the photomat was yesterday). But I know it's only a matter of time before my condition totally erodes my mind, leaving me an empty-headed shell of my former self. I'm actually starting to envy dad. At least he got to go out in a blaze of glory, before he was completely overwhelmed. I'd do that too, if not for Zecora and our foal. The day I learned of my condition, I vowed that I'd at least hold on long enough to see my new child. The little one needs to meet its father, even if neither of us will remember it...'

'But I've droned on enough about my own problems. Moving on to more lively things, my brothers and I recently attended the Grand Galloping Gala with our wives. It was the first public event that we all attended since we revealed ourselves. We figured it would be relaxing to spend a night out together, reconnect after all our individual endeavors. However, the night turned out to be anything but relaxing, in a tale I call...'

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Gentlecolts

Grimoire, Murray, Salt and Slot walked up to Canterlot castle, their wives beside them. The Napoleons were all wearing their best suits, while their wives had donned lovely evening gowns. Zecora's pregnancy was really coming along, requiring Grimoire to help her along.

"Come along, dear." Grimoire supported his wife.

"Thank you, my darling." Zecora smiled. "I am always safe with you leading."

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Redheart squealed. "I've never been to the Gala."

"Me neither." May admitted. "I was always too busy running Ponyville."

"Not any more, huh?" Murray chuckled.

"Only the best for our girls." Salt added.

"I used to be the entertainment there." Octavia declared. "First time I'll be on the other end of the stage..."

"And yet, we'll still be putting on a show." Vinyl chuckled. "just wait 'til we get to the dancefloor."

"That's the spirit, girls." Slot grinned.

"Hey, guys!" Caboose called, as he, Lars, Sonny, and Vinny stood up ahead, their own wives alongside them. They too were decked out in suits and dresses, all set to take part in the elegant affair.

"Hi, Caboose." Grimoire beamed, "Nice to see you looking lively."

"Glad you could make it." Daring beamed.

"Salt, Redheart." Lars grinned.

"I'm surprised you guys could make it." Lyra admitted. "Where's Lightning?"

"We found a foalsitter for our little bundle of joy." Salt smiled. "So we have a night all to ourselves."

"I miss her already, though." Redheart sighed.

"Speaking of foals..." Bon-Bon grinned. "Zecora, you are really coming along."

"That is true, dear Bon-Bon." Zecora smiled. "It won't be long before we have our little don."

"And we'll be right behind you." May grinned.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Murray chuckled. "We're barely even a month along."

"But we'll get there before we know it." May beamed.

"Don't forget about us." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Yeah, we'll have our own little bundle of joy before long." Sonny added.

"How could we forget?" Grimoire grinned.

"Especially when you mention it every five minutes." Lars joked.

"Vinyl, Octavia." Berry glanced at both of Slot's mares. "You guys still doing the whole threesome thing?"

"Oh, yeah." Vinyl nodded.

"Best decision we ever made... still." Octavia chuckled.

"Got that right." Slot told Vinny. "You should try it yourself. It isn't at all as bad as they made it out to be..."

"You know, it's not really a bad idea-" Vinny turned to Berry.

"No." Berry said bluntly.

"...Yes, dear." Vinny cringed.

"Honestly, all I need is one mare." Caboose smiled at Daring.

"And I was that lucky mare." Daring grinned.

"Okay, that's enough chit-chat." Grimoire declared. "Let's get in there and show those upper-class snobs how the Napoleons party!"

"Aw, yeah!" Vinny cheered, "Party central, here we come!"

The Napoleons and their mares entered the castle. Dusty was there to greet them as they entered, Blueblood alongside her. The rest of the Royal family were attending a conference in the Crystal Empire, leaving Blueblood and Dusty to oversee the gala.

"Hi, dad!" She beamed. "Hi, Zecora! Hi, everypony!"

"Hello, darling." Grimoire hugged his daughter.

"Good evening, Grimoire." Blueblood declared. "I'm so glad you accepted the invitations."

"Like we'd pass up a chance at attending the swankiest party of the year." Murray chuckled.

"Got that right." Vinny nodded. "Now, where are the drinks?"

"My thoughts exactly." Berry chuckled.

"Boy, those two were really made for each other, huh?" Sonny grinned.

"Just like us." Bon-Bon nuzzled him.

"Just remember, this is a swanky event." Grimoire declared. "So try not to get too wild."

"Us, wild?" Slot smirked. "Please!"

"I'm serious. Remember when we were at that party with that psycho and Caboose got dancing like crazy and knocked a cake with lighted candles onto the carpet and burnt his house down?" Grimoire asked.

"It wasn't my fault that cake wasn't so sturdy!" Caboose protested.

"Ah, that party was a drag, anyway." Vinny snorted. "Caboose did us a favor, if you ask me."

"I doubt our host felt the same way." Lars frowned. "He got quite upset, if I recall."

"Well, he didn't have to chase me with that burning slab of wood." Caboose scowled. "I said I was sorry, didn't I?"

"Just try to keep a low profile." Grimoire sighed. "We don't need to leave a big mess behind tonight."

"Sure, Grim." Sonny smiled. "You can count on us."

"Here's hopin'..." Grimoire sighed.

As they walked into the ballroom, the eyes of almost everypony there seemed to be upon them.

"Hoo, did it just got cold in here?" Murray frowned.

As they made their way over to the buffet table, they couldn't help but heard the angry whispers of the patrons.

"They've got some nerve, coming here..." Golden Gavel growled.

"They should be in jail, not breathing the same air as us." Swan Song snorted.

"Well, that's what happened when one of your family marries into royalty." Silver Frames tutted. "Pull a few strings, and you're kept from the jail cell you so richly deserve."

"Hard to believe they're polluting the royal gene pool." Black Marble added.

"What did that guy just say?" Slot snarled.

"Just ignore them." Grimoire declared. "It doesn't matter what they think."

"It should." Redheart snarled.

"Grimoire is so very right." Zecora retorted. "We should not listen to their words of spite."

"My thoughts exactly." May nodded. "My days of focusing on public opinion are over."

"I don't know what's worse." Upper Crust sneered. "Those brothers, or the shameless floozies who actually married them!"

"So true." Jet Set agreed. "Any mares willing to marry the likes of them need their heads examined."

That last comment really shook the brothers and their wives. While most of them managed to keep it together, it was too much for Salt.

"Hey!" He turned around and yelled. "You've got something to say about us, say it to our faces!"

"Alright then." Jet Set walked over. "You Napoleons don't belong here. This is the most important social event in Canterlot. It is meant for only the highest of high society, not a bunch of criminals!"

"Former criminals." Murray retorted. "We got a pardon, remember?"

"That we got after helping save Equestria from Red Eclipse." Slot added. "You're welcome, by the way."

"Let's not go too far." Upper Crust sneered. "You and your thugs helped to fend off Red Eclipse's shadow ponies. That doesn't exactly constitute much in the grand scheme."

"But I was the one who finished the guy off!" Caboose declared, "Granted, I didn't enjoy that part, but he was going to kill Shine, and it would add to this overarching plot that the authors are-"

"What my husband is trying to say is that he finally put a stop to him." Daring nodded. "Our brave and bold Lieutenant of the Royal Guard, who just so happens to be a Napoleon, did that."

"That doesn't count." Black Marble sneered. "He at least turned away from the family business, in order to do honest work. As for the rest of you, you were still crooks up until that moment. Possibly even after it."

"There is no evidence to suggest that." Lars declared. "As those of you living in Canterlot will attest, many of us have moved on to perfectly respectable positions."

"Or is that just what you want us to think?" Swan Song retorted. "Maybe you're working some long con, fooling everypony into thinking you're past your criminal days, then poof! You rob us all blind!"

"I assure you madam, that is not the case." Grimoire declared. "We're just here to have a good time, just like everypony else here."

"But you're not like everypony else here." Golden Frames spat. "Most of the ponies here are respectable, well-to-do, high society. You are just a bunch of criminals. You don't belong here."

"Except some of them actually do live here." Bon-Bon pointed out.

"And you mares are just as bad." Black Marble sneered. "You knew what these crooks were, and yet you still married them. Why? Do you enjoy being the molls to murdering mafiosos?"

"They're not murderers." May glared at Marble. "They only ever killed in self-defence... and only if their targets were truly bad ponies."

"You know, like most cops nowadays." Vinyl added.

"I'm sure they spun you some convincing stories about how they're not so bad." Jet Set laughed mirthlessly. "But the truth is, there are no 'good criminals'. And pardon or not, your husbands will always be scum. And you've all lowered yourselves to their level by associating with them"

"It's you I'm most disappointed in, Octavia." Swan Song added. "For a mare of your talent and refinement to enter a sordid tryst with a criminal and a... DJ? For shame."

"Are you all seriously berating us?" Vinny growled. "Have I not taught any of you what I was capable of?" He then pulled out a black book, "I will seriously blab about how a certain high-class pony cheated at golf at your little country club if you don't shut your trap."

"I... don't know what you're talking about!" Black Marble spluttered.

"Threaten us all you like." Jet Set growled. "I doubt any of our little secrets will deflect ponies' attention from your kind."

"Anything we've done pales in comparison to the actions of your little crime family." Upper Crust added.

"That's right." Golden Frames nodded. "We've made some mistakes, but it's nothing compared to you, you filth!"

"That's enough." Dusty stepped forward. "I won't stand for you insulting my family. If you have a problem, perhaps you should take it up with myself and my husband."

The upper-class ponies balked. They knew it would be a bad idea to argue with a Princess, no matter her heritage.

"Come on, dear." Upper Crust told her husband. "Let's go to apart of the Gala that boasts more refined company."

"Of course." Jet Set nodded.

The upper-class ponies petulantly walked away, each one throwing a cold glare at the Napoleons and their wives.

"Yeesh, and I thought it was just me they hated." Vinny shook his head, "Guess not even blackmail can make them shed their skins."

"You'd think they'd learn to keep the past in the past." Octavia scowled. "I did."

That was true. Before their three-way wedding, Vinyl had filled Octavia in on Slot's criminal past, seeing no need to hide the now-revealed secrets since the Crystal Sun incident. At first, Octavia brushed it off as her boasting about him, but then Vinyl went into intricate details about some of Slot's more brutal activities and even brought up a violinist that he mentioned when they first met. Octavia would had been lying if she hadn't found it a bit balking that her friend was in love with a criminal and alleged murderer, and had to take some time to get used to the fact. However, in the end, after Vinyl explained how their 'code' worked and taking some days afterwards to think it over, she decided that Slot's past and all that he did was did not change who he was. In fact, whether it was those dirty novels she read in her pasttime or her own inner desires, she actually found the fact that he was a mafioso quite sexy (during the honeymoon, she had insisted he wear his business suit to bed).

"Unfortunately, some ponies aren't as open-minded as we are." Lyra scowled.

"Most Canterlotians don't mind us." Bon-Bon remarked. "It's only the stuffy, snobby elite who seem to have the problem with having you guys around."

"Buncha fatheaded jerks..." Slot snarled.

"Forget them." Grimoire insisted. "They aren't worth our time."

"Got that right." Murray nodded. "We came here to have a night out with our ladies. And that's what I intend to do." He pulled May close. "As long as I'm with you, nothing else matters."

"Oh, Murray." May chuckled. "I can't wait to hit the dancefloor."

"Trust me, you'll want to get as much dancing in as you can." Redheart declared. "Once you start showing, all that will go out the windows."

"On that, I can attest." Zecora nodded. "For tonight, I will mostly rest."

"And I'll be happy to stay by you." Grimoire smiled. "Never was much of a dancer, anyway..."

"But I am." Slot grinned. "Come on, girls. Let's show these stuffed shirts how it's done!"

"Right behind you, babe." Vinyl chuckled.

"We'll give them something to talk about..." Octavia smirked.

"We'll be hitting the buffet." Sonny declared. "We'll see how this fancy stuff matches up to our cooking."

"I doubt they'll up to snuff, but it doesn't hurt to make sure." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Food is one thing, but I came here for the wine." Vinny smirked.

"Me too." Berry joked. "Let's see how fine this fine wine really is."

"I'll be happy just spending some time with you, my dear." Lars told Lyra. "It's been a while since we had a night out."

"Then we'd better make the most of it." Lyra grinned.

"Us, too." Daring told Caboose.

"Oh, we will." Caboose chuckled, "Also, we gotta see if our other friends are here!"

"Everypony have fun out there." Dusty declared.

"Count on it." Salt nodded.

With that, the brothers and their mares split up, ready to enjoy their grand night out. Unfortunately, the night didn't go quite as well as hoped. While Jet Set, Upper Crust and their friends were the most vocal about it, a lot of ponies shared their views, throwing glares at the brothers and their wives, and whispering behind their backs. Of course, it didn't help that some of the brothers didn't exactly keep a low profile. Sonny and Bon-Bon and Vinny and Berry were tearing into the buffet table, tasting all the food and drink they could get their hooves on. At the same time, Slot, Vinyl and Octavia's antics on the dancefloor was causing a stir. The refined, dignified crowd were shocked at how Slot danced so wildly and intimately with not one, but two mares. It was glaringly obvious to many what their relationship was, and the onlookers were not pleased.

"Outrageous!"

"Disgraceful!"

"Have they no shame?"

"Buncha prudes..." Slot snorted.

"I know." Vinyl nodded. "We haven't even done any of the really wild stuff."

"Some ponies are just too repressed for their own good." Octavia sighed.

"I betcha the stallions are just jealous that I have two smokin' hot babes for wives." Slot scoffed cockily.

"How dare they bring such debauchery to this prestigious affair?" One stallion snarled.

"Two mares?" A mare asked. "That's disgusting!"

"If my wife did something like that, I'd beat her with a meat tenderizer." Another stallion spat.

"I would expect no less." His wife nodded.

Away from the dance floor, Caboose and Daring crossed paths with Fletcher and Dove, who were also in attendance.

"Hey, you two." Daring smiled.

"Hi, Daring." Dove grinned.

"How you doin', Cap?" Caboose asked.

"Quite well, thank you, Lieutenant." Fletcher nodded. "It feels good to get out of the armor and have a night off, doesn't it?"

"It would, if it weren't for the chilly reception." Caboose frowned.

"Yeah." Daring added. "It's not easy to have a good time when folks are talking behind your back."

"Oh, don't pay them any attention." Dove snorted. "Those snobs have been bad-mouthing me for being a magician since I came to Canterlot."

"You are a fine Guard, Caboose." Fletcher declared. "Even if your family had... undesirable moral leanings, all that is in the past now."

"Thanks, Fletch." Caboose smiled. "Good to know not everypony is against us."

"Forget about all that." Dove shrugged. "How about those refreshments?"

"If you can call them that." Daring snorted. "Those tiny little sandwiches and cubes of cheese? They're barely a snack!"

"No kidding." Caboose agreed. "I've had like, a dozen of 'em, and I'm still hungry!"

"True, strong examples of stallionhood such as ourselves do demand a more substantial repast." Fletcher admitted.

"And we need bigger food, too." Caboose added.

The others chuckled lightly.

"You sure got yourself a funny one, Daring." Dove grinned.

"Yep." Daring smiled. "Even when he doesn't try to be funny."

"Thanks... I think." Caboose shrugged.

Meanwhile, Dusty was getting herself a drink. She needed to cool off after hearing all the remarks about her family.

"So much for a fun night with the family..." She sighed.

"Excuse me, Princess Dusty?" A pale orange Unicorn with a blue eyes, brown mane, and a Cutie Mark of a notepad rushed over to her. "Muckraker, reporter for the Canterlot Tribune. A quick word, please?"

"As long as it's quick, sure." Dusty nodded.

"Do you have anything to say about the rumors that the Napoleons hoodwinked the royals into granting them a pardon?" Muckraker asked.

"Excuse me?" Dusty growled.

"Is it true that you only married Prince Blueblood so you could use said marriage as a way of keeping your family out of the slammer?" Muckraker continued. "Or was it for the status? From mafia Princess to regular Princess!"

"No, it isn't!" Dusty growled. "I married Blueblood because I love him!"

"If you say so." Muckraker scribbled something down. "But what of the whispers that the Napoleons were connected with the monstrous Red Eclipse? Some say Eclipse was a former employee of theirs who struck out on his own."

"That's ridiculous!" Dusty snarled. "My family would never consort with a monster like that!"

"Can you be certain?" Muckraker asked. "They are criminals, after all."

"So?" Dusty growled. "Just because they're criminals doesn't mean they're evil!"

"Of course not." Muckraker nodded. "But they have done some rather... morally questionable things."

"I'll admit that's true." Dusty nodded. "But they always stuck to a code of honor."

"'Honor among thieves', eh?" Muckraker snorted. "A comforting thought, but not one that stands up to scrutiny. Simply being on that side of the law means that honor isn't something you deal in."

"Shows what you know." Dusty growled. "My father and uncles are some of the most honorable ponies around."

"And you would know, of course." Muckraker declared. "Let me guess, did daddy bring you along on his crime sprees? A little father-daughter bank robbing, perhaps?"

"Actually, no." Dusty snarled. "Dad always kept me away from the action. I admit, I helped to move some stuff, and cleaned up after them sometimes, but that was it. Dad wouldn't allow me to get any closer than that."

"How touching." Muckraker snorted. "So you were never taught the ways of the family. Maybe your story about being with Blueblood because you love him holds water after all."

"So glad you noticed." Dusty growled. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to enjoying the festivities."

"Of course." Muckraker nodded. "But first, just one more question: Do you honestly expect anypony to believe your family has given up their criminal ways?"

"I expect them to give my family the benefit of the doubt." Dusty declared, "And even if they hadn't, good luck trying finding proof of it."

"Challenge accepted." Muckraker smirked. "I know those crooks are up to something, Princess, and before the night is out, I'm going to get the dirt on them."

"You're welcome to try." Dusty glared at him. "But know that better newsponies than you have tried, and failed. In fact, most of them are probably rotting in a ditch because they got caught up in something."

"Well, there's a first time for everything, your highness." Muckraker sneered, "And don't think I'm through with you..."

"What's going on over here?" Blueblood walked over. "Is that tabloid writer bothering you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Dusty nodded.

"What, a crusading reporter can't ask some hard-hitting questions?" Muckraker asked.

"No, but a libellous hack can't." Blueblood scowled. "If I see you talking to my wife again..."

"Worry not, your highness." Muckraker walked away. "I've got bigger fish to fry."

"What is he talking about?" Blueblood asked.

"He wants to expose my family." Dusty declared. "Trying to paint them all as monsters."

"Ingrate." Blueblood snarled. "If it weren't for the Napoleons, Equestria as we know it might have ceased to exist."

"Not that he or any of the others care." Dusty huffed. "They only focus on the fact that they're a crime family."

"Alas, that seems to be the way of things for a lot of ponies." Blueblood sighed. "They tend to focus on the actions of the past. You know, there are quite a few ponies who still hold me in contempt for the way I used to be, blindly ignoring the fact that I've changed."

"They're all a bunch of stubborn, close-minded fools." Dusty growled.

"Unfortunately, yes." Blueblood comforted her. "Just pay them no mind. It's their loss, in the end."

"I suppose..." Dusty sighed. "It's still unfair, though..."

Meanwhile, while Grimoire and Zecora were sitting at a table, Grimoire spotted an oddly familiar face among the crowd. A handsome Earth Pony stallion with a royal blue coat, an impeccably coiffed black mane, and a Cutie Mark of a cane walked though the crowd, joined by several other refined-looking stallions.

"No..." Grimoire frowned, realizing who the pony was. "It can't be..."

"What is the matter, my dear?" Zecora asked. "What draws your gaze from here?"

"That's Suave Savoy." Grimoire revealed. "He's head of a group called 'The Gentlecolts', a bunch of stinking rich, sophisticated stallions, who also happen to be mobsters. He's known for his extreme politeness, even when committing the most heinous of crimes. Those other guys with him must be his underlings."

"I can't believe what I hear." Zecora gaped. "How could they be invited here?"

"To most of the world, they're just a group of wealthy philanthropists." Grimoire scowled. "That's probably how they got the invites. I need to find out what they're really up to..."

Stealthily, Grimoire tailed the Gentlecolts, using the other guests as cover. The Gentlecolts slipped into the coatroom. Grimoire placed his ear against the door.

"Okay, everypony ready?" Suave's plummy voice muttered.

"Ready, Mr Savoy." One of his henchmen answered. "All of these ponies are so focused on dancing and socialising, they'll barely notice when we take their valuables right under their noses."

"That they won't, Mr. Finesse." Suave gloated. "That they won't. Now then, here's what we're going to do. Mr. Courtesy will work the buffet, Mr. Polite will go for the dance floor. Mr. Sophisticated will handle the gardens. Mr. Debonair will deal with the balconies. Mr. Charm will take care of the rear. Mr. Savoir will take the tables. And we will have our dear pal Manly..." He pat a rather big stallion with a burly moustache and clad in suspenders. "Check out the barracks, and take care of any straggling Guards. And Mr. Clean will lie in wait in the restrooms, ready to pounce on any unwary visitors."

"I always get those kind of jobs." Mr. Clean groaned.

"Oh, relax." Suave sneered. "By the end of the night, we'll be stinking rich! Even more than before."

'Not if I can help it.' Grimoire thought. 'You clowns are about to hit a major stumbling block.'

Grimoire rushed to gather his brothers.

"The Gentlecolts? Here?" Murray gaped.

"And they're going to rob everypony?" Salt frowned.

"So what?" Slot snorted. "I say let 'em."

"Yeah." Vinny agreed. "Those jerks deserve it."

"That's not our call to make." Sonny retorted.

"And besides, who do you think the crowd will blame when they discover their valuables are missing?" Lars pointed out.

"You guys?" Caboose offered. "Probably not me, cause I'm, y'know, a Royal Guard..."

"That's not going to happen." Grimoire declared. "Sure, these stuck-up snobs have been treating us like dirt all night. But they don't deserve to be robbed."

"So what are we gonna do?" Murray asked.

"We're going to take them out, as quickly and quietly as possible." Grimoire declared. "We don't want to cause a panic, after all..."

"Who do you think you're talking to, Grim?" Salt smirked. "We can handle this sort of operation."

"It'll be just like old times." Slot grinned.

"Glad to hear it." Grimoire smiled, as the Gentlecolts emerged from the coatroom. "Now, let's split up and take those guys down."

"With pleasure." Vinny sneered.

The brothers separated, each going after one of the stallions. Murray reached his first.

"Hey pal, can ya help me with something?" He asked.

"What is it?" Asked the stallion, whose voice was that of Mr Finesse.

"Yeah, I was wondering..." Murray pulled out a cloth. "Does this smell funny to you?"

Finesse sniffed the cloth... only to pass out immediately, due to it being soaked in chloroform.

"Never leave home without it." Murray smirked, catching the stallion and pulling him outside.

Moments later, Salt sidled up to Mr. Charm.

"Hi there." He put a hoof around the stallion's shoulder. "Enjoying the Gala?"

"Yes I am." Charm nodded.

"It's my first time here." Salt admitted.

"Mine too." Charm agreed.

"It's a little swanky for my tastes." Salt declared. "But I bet you love it." He tightened his grip. "Don't you, Mr. fancy guy?"

"I would if... you... let go... of me..." Charm suddenly passed out, having been trapped in a sleeper hold.

A short while later, Mr Courtesy was stalking the buffet, looking for victims. Sonny, dressed as a waiter (complete with false moustache) and carrying a plate of truffles, walked over to him.

"H'ors Doeuvre?" He offered.

"Don't mind if I do." Courtesy grabbed a truffle and ate it. Suddenly, he started gagging, for the truffle was poisoned.

"Oh no!" Sonny dropped the plate. "He's choking! I'd better get him some help!"

Before the eyes of the astonished guests, Sonny dragged the convulsing Courtesy out of the room.

At the same time, a similarly disguised Vinny was doing the same thing with Savoir.

"A fine vintage, sir." He smiled falsely.

"I would expect no less." Savoir drank the poisoned wine. Seconds later, he collapsed.

"Some ponies just can't handle their wine." Vinny told the guests, "I'll just dump-I mean, take him somewhere to lie down..."

At the same time, Lars caught up to Sophisticated.

"Pardon me, sir." He declared. "I was wondering if you could answer a question for me."

"Just make it quick." Sophisticated growled.

"If a pony is knocked into a bush and whipped into submission by a crop, and nopony's around to hear him, does he make a sound?" Lars asked.

"What?" Sophisticated growled.

A second later, Lars punched the criminal, knocking him into the bush behind him and whipping him into submission.

"Ugh!" Sophisticated groaned.

"That's a 'yes' then." Lars smirked.

As Mr Polite neared the dance floor (most of the guests focused on the evening's musical entertainment), Slot jumped him from behind.

"What the-" Polite struggled. "What's this?!"

"This is the end of the line, creep!" Slot used his magic to pull a nearby tablecloth over Polite, covering him up. He then knocked him out with a chop to the neck.

Slot teleported over to the backstage. He hid in the shadows as the band took a break. After they left, he scanned the crowd, spotting Vinyl and Octavia. Waving a hoof, he signaled them to join him. As they rushed over, Slot pulled off the cloth.

"Slot, what's going on?" Vinyl asked.

"And what's with the stallion you got there?" Octavia frowned.

"Quick answer: He's one of a bunch of crooks who are trying to rob everypony." Slot said quickly, realising that Polite was waking up. "I need you girls to provide a distraction, and make sure you make it loud."

"You know us." Vinyl grinned. "Loud is what we do best."

"No kidding." Octavia chuckled. "Remember our honeymoon?"

"Aw, yeah." Slot smirked. "Go for it, ladies."

As Vinyl and Octavia rushed out, Polite fully awoke.

"You've got a lot of nerve, you little fool." He snarled, raising his hooves. "And you're going to pay for it!"

"We'll see who pays for what." Slot sneered.

"Hey, ladies and gentleponies!" Vinyl called, as she and Octavia leapt on stage. "Who wants to hear some awesome tunes?"

The crowd gaped in confusion.

"That sounds like a 'yes' to me." Octavia nodded.

"Well, it's a good thing the royals have a turntable." Vinyl rubbed her hooves as she approached the said turntable. "Let drop some bass!"

"While Slot drops that scumbag." Octavia smirked.

The mares began playing their respective instruments, earning the interest of the crowd. As they played, the shadow of Slot and Polite appeared on the curtain behind them. The crowd gasped as the shadows struggled. Ultimately, the shadow Slot pulled out a knife and stabbed Polite repeatedly... then punching and kicking him. As Polite dropped, Slot kicked him in the side, then elbow dropped him. He followed up by performing a backbreaker on the helpless crook, the loud crack barely audible over his wives' performance.

As Vinyl and Octavia finished their duet, they saw the crowd staring, jaws dropped.

"Guess we really killed 'em out there." Vinyl chuckled.

"What was that?" One stallion gaped.

"I have no idea." A mare frowned.

"Maybe it was special effects." Another stallion suggested. "I saw this show once with all kinds of shadow puppetry. Maybe that's what happened here."

"Did they have to use such ghastly imagery?" Another mare asked. "I feel quite unwell."

Meanwhile, a ruffled up Slot rolled a box out of the backstage, whistling merrily.

At the same time, Caboose sidled up to Mr Debonair.

"Having a good time, sir?" He asked. "Great..."

Caboose suddenly stuck out a hoof and tripped Debonair.

"Hey!" Debonair yelped. "What was that for?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Caboose frowned. "Here, let me help you up..."

Caboose took Debonair's hoof, lifted him up... then flung him into the wall.

"Oh, sorry!" Caboose smiled. "Don't know my own strength..."

Caboose grabbed Debonair by the shoulders and headbutted him, knocking him out.

"Clumsy me." He tittered.

After dragging Debonair's prone body outside, he saw Mr Manly heading towards the barracks.

"Time to make it two-for two." He declared.

Caboose followed Manly to the barracks. Manly slipped in via the showers, intending to sneak in and rob the Guards' lockers.

"The perfect crime." Manly smirked.

"Not so fast." Caboose confronted him. "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave."

"You're threatening me?" Manly sneered. "You have no idea how tough I am."

"Oh, yeah?" Caboose snorted. "I'm pretty tough myself."

"Please." Manly smirked. "You know how I like my kale steak? Next to my other kale steak!"

"I keep a pillow under my crossbow!" Caboose boasted.

"I put cigarettes on my sandwiches... with light them on fire!" Manly bragged.

"I threw a grenade and killed fifty ponies... then the explosion killed another ten!" Caboose declared.

"I call push-ups 'Earth downs!" Manly roared.

"Yeah, well I..." Caboose struggled to come up with another boast. "Ah, buck it..."

Caboose suddenly ripped a pipe off the shower stall.

"Wait, what are you-" Manly gaped.

Caboose proceeded to beat Manly senseless with the pipe.

"Who's tough now?" He smirked.

Caboose dragged Manly's unconscious body away, but found himself hiding behind a curtain in the corner as Fletcher and Dove came in.

"I don't know about this..." Fletcher frowned. "It's not exactly regulation..."

"Come on, Fletchy..." Dove grinned. "What could be hotter than doing it it in your own barracks?"

"Well, I..." Fletcher shrugged.

Dove suddenly pounced, pinning Fletcher to the bed.

"Let's find out." She purred.

"Okay..." Fletcher grinned.

Essentially trapped in the corner, Caboose could do nothing but watch in horror as Fletcher and Dove went to work.

At the other end of the Gala, Suave was looking around, failing to see any of his underlings.

"Where are they?" He frowned.

"Oh, they've been dealt with."

Suave turned to see Grimoire behind him.

"What the-?" He frowned. "Who are you?"

"Grimoire Napoleon." Grimoire smirked. "Maybe you've heard of me."

"Grim... oh no." Suave gaped. "Look, this doesn't have to end badly. I can cut you and the others in on things."

"Sorry, Suave." Grimoire sneered. "We'd like to keep our reputations."

Grimoire jabbed Suave with a knife covered in paralyzing fluid, courtesy of his old friend Crowe.

"Nighty night." He taunted.

Suave collapsed, and was dragged outside by Grimoire. The rest of the Gentlecolts, some still alive, were piled up outside the rear of the castle, as well as the box with Polite's mangled body. Next to the box was Manly's big body, as Caboose was curled up not far from him.

"What's with Caboose?" Grimiore asked, dropping Suave's body.

"You're just asking this now?" Slot snarked.

"The horror, the horror..." Caboose muttered.

"Guess the guys he brought over put up more of a fight than ours." Sonny suggested.

"Must've been a titanic tussle." Vinny noted. "Huh, 'Boose?"

"You could say that." Caboose cringed. "There was a lot of tussling involved..."

"Is that all of them?" Murray asked.

"...No." Grimoire realised. "There's one left. We forgot the one in the bathroom!"

Meanwhile, Blueblood and Dusty were still discussing matters.

"I tell you, it makes me so mad." Dusty growled. "They have no right to judge my family like that!"

"Now, now, dear." Blueblood smiled. "I know what'll cheer you up..."

Blueblood led Dusty to the bathroom.

"Oh, Blue..." Dusty purred. "You naughty boy..."

"A naughty boy for a naughty girl..." Blueblood chuckled.

As they entered the restroom, ready for some 'private time', they opened a stall... only for Mr. Clean to leap out of the toilet.

"Yahh!" Clean roared.

"What in Equestria?!" Blueblood yelped.

"Give me your valuables, now!" Clean yelped. "You have no idea how long I have been in there!"

"And I don't wish to know." Blueblood wrinkled his nose.

"Whatever!" Clean snarled. "Just hoof over your valuables, or I'll show you how dirty I can be!"

"Not today!" Dusty punched him out. "Ooh, that felt good."

"Oh, my..." Blueblood gaped.

Just then, the brothers rushed in.

"Dusty, are you-?" Grimoire gasped.

"I'm fine, dad." Dusty smiled.

"Looks like another Gentlecolt for the pile." Salt grinned.

Suddenly, the stall next to them burst open, Muckraker popping out, camera flashing.

"What's this? The Napoleons assaulting other ponies in the middle of the Gala?" He smirked. "For shame!"

"Hey, quit that!" Caboose cringed, the flashes blinding him.

"This isn't what it look likes!" Salt snarled. "This guy and others like him were going to rob the place!"

"Oh, please, a likely story from scum like you!" Muckraker spat.

"Yeah, this guy's the real crook here!" Sonny declared. "We just saved the Gala!"

"Or did you just not want these guys to muscle in on your territory?" Muckraker shot back.

"How dare you!" Lars yelled.

"This is too juicy!" Muckraker crowed. "I knew I'd get the dirt on you sooner or later. We'll see how that pardon helps after this!"

"That is it!" Dusty yelled. She punched Muckraker's camera out of his hooves, causing it to shatter on the tiled floor.

"Hey!" Muckraker yelled. "Why, you..."

Dusty followed up with a punch to his face, breaking his jaw and knocking him out.

"My word!" Blueblood gasped.

"That's another one for the pile." Dusty declared.

"Don't worry, Dust." Vinny smiled. "We'll be sure to take this clown somewhere far away."

"The further the better." Dusty scowled.

"I'm glad to see you're still as tough as ever, my dear." Blueblood declared.

"Thanks, Blue." Dusty smiled. "Now, what do you say later on we go somewhere... private?"

"...I love you." Blueblood sighed.

"Love you too." Dusty chuckled.

"Let's get back to the girls." Lars declared. "They'll need to be updated on things."

Moments later, the Napoleons and their wives were together, Dusty and Blueblood beside them.

"Wow." May gasped. "That sounds incredible."

"If only all these snobs knew what you just did for them." Redheart scowled.

"Ah, it doesn't matter what they think." Sonny shrugged. "Let them hate us. It ain't our problem."

"Yeah... but the Tribune is getting some juicy bits for their paper tomorrow." Vinny chuckled darkly.

"Do you think Princess Celestia or the others might find out about this?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Please..." Slot scoffed, "Remember, we were found out because we wanted to. As long as Caboose doesn't dream about tonight. I think we're golden till the next guy tries to take over Equestria."

"Yep." Murray nodded.

"No doubt." Slat agreed.

"I'll drink to that!" Vinny waved a wine glass.

"It was quite a night, though." Sonny chuckled.

"That's putting it mildly." Lars nodded.

"At least we had some fun." Slot admitted. "Right, Caboose."

"Um..." Caboose muttered.

"What's wrong, honey?" Grimoire asked. "What happened to you?"

"Illuminati!" Caboose yelled. "Illuminati! Illuminati!"

"What the heck does that mean?" Murray asked.

"Beats me." Caboose shrugged. "Illuminati! Illuminati!"

"So... I guess it's back to the party, then." Daring sighed.

"You know what? Let's forget this place." Grimoire declared. "We don't need to be at some snooty little party to have fun."

"So true, my dear boo." Zecora nodded.

"Got that right." Murray smirked. "Long as we're having fun, who cares about those snobs?"

"Not me, that's for sure." May grinned.

"We can have our own little party." Salt declared.

"But where?" Redheart asked.

"How about Blazin' Blues?" Vinny offered. "I always carry a spare key to the place."

"Great idea, honey." Berry smiled. "The drinks there are way better than that high-falootin' swill at the Gala."

"Now that's more like it." Sonny nodded. "A nice, private family party."

"I'll bet the snacks there are better than those tiny sandwiches." Bon-Bon snorted.

"It would certainly beat all the muttered insults and recriminations." Lars admitted.

"And we'd have plenty of room to dance." Lyra added.

"Yeah, screw those rich clowns and their fancy junk." Slot sneered. "We'll have our own fun, Napoleon style!"

"I prefer Slot style fun." Vinyl purred.

"Me too." Octavia chuckled.

"I'm up for it." Caboose smiled. "Daring?"

"I've never really been one for high society gatherings." Daring shrugged. "I like my parties small and intimate."

"Then it's settled." Grimoire smiled. "Let's go have our own little party, just us Napoleons and our girls." He turned to Dusty. "Do you want to come along, darling?"

"Sorry, I can't." Dusty sighed. "As a royal, it's my duty to stay here."

"Aw, that sucks." Slot frowned.

"It's okay." Dusty smiled. "You guys have fun."

"Oh, we will." Murray chuckled.

"No doubt about that..." May chuckled.

"Come on, Napoleons." Grimoire grinned. "Let's go have a real night out!"

The brothers and their wives cheered as they departed from the castle, making a beeline for Blazin' Blues. However, Grimoire pulled back a little.

"Grim, what's the matter?" Zecora asked. "Why does your walk turn to a patter?"

"I just... need to take care of something." Grimoire declared.

"Need a little help?" Salt offered.

"No, I'm good." Grimoire shook his head. "You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up."

"As you wish, my love." Zecora declared. "Just don't take too long, for with us is where you belong."

"Don't I know it." Grimoire gave her a kiss.

"Come on, guys!" Vinny urged. "Those drinks won't drink themselves!"

The others continued their trek. Grimoire slipped into an empty corner, pulled out the epipen and gave himself himself another dose of the medicine.

"Ah..." He smiled, as the meds flushed into his system. "It was a good night after all."

Grimoire followed after his family, ready to partake in some real fun...

'We ended up having quite a memorable night after all. We drank, sang, made merry, danced with our girls (Slot of course danced with both of his), and generally had a great time. Sure, it wasn't the grand night out we were hoping for, but we enjoyed ourselves, and that's what counts. And of course, it helped take my mind off my condition. After all, it won't be long before I'm too far gone to have a night like that again. I wanted to enjoy the company of my brothers, their mares, and my own wife before it was too late. I can't help but shake the feeling that it'll be all downhill from here...'

Sister-In-Law Act

'Despite the meds' best efforts, I am slowly but surely feeling the effects of the Prancington's Disease creeping into my system. I keep forgetting little things, and as of now, I am beginning to lose track of names. And I feel so drowsy sometimes, that I have to constantly steady myself so I don't fall over. But the worst part is my temper keeps flaring up more than usual. It's getting harder and harder to explain my sudden explosions of anger to Zecora and the others. Of course, I realize that's only the tip of the iceberg, but I can't help but worry that it'll lead to the others finding out about my condition. I don't want to burden any of them with that knowledge. Not yet at least.'

'Of course, I could have lived with those problems for the time being, if not for a very unwelcome guest. Remember Zecora's sister, Zaria? For those who don't, we met when me and my brothers accompanied Zecora on her yearly pilgrimage back to Zebrica, and unfortunately, through some mishaps, we hadn't made the best of impressions on her. And Zaria never really liked me. There was a moment in which we took down the Multi-Faced Death that terrorized the tribe for many years where she had developed a sense of respect for me and was more than willing to officiate the marriage between me and Zecora. Unfortunately, that didn't last when the family was outed as mobsters. Since that day, all that respect went down the crapper and Zaria declared that I was no good for Zecora. Time and time again, she tried to convince Zecora to leave me. Even the news that she was carrying my foal didn't sway her. As you can imagine, I didn't take kindly to that attitude of hers. I didn't appreciate it when she said I wasn't good enough for her the first time in Zebrica, and I sure as Tartarus don't appreciate it now. To be perfectly honest, that mare rubs me the wrong way. Whenever we met, we'd clash over every little thing. And wouldn't you know, she wasn't done making my life a misery...'

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Sister-In-Law Act

It was morning in Ponyville. Grimoire was sitting in his study, reading the morning paper. Oakley was laying beside him. The Timberwolf had been quite clingy lately, his senses telling him that something was wrong with Grimoire. Zecora was in the kitchen, mixing up herbs for a broth. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Grimoire wondered, as he moved to answer it.

The Prancington's not affecting his physical abilities as of yet, Grimoire rushed to the front door, opening it. To his shock, Zaria was standing before him.

"Oh, buck." He cringed.

"Nice to see you too, Grim." Zaria snorted. "I see you've been slacking off at the gym."

"Zaria, is that you?!" Zecora gasped. "Can it really be true?"

"Hello, sister dear." Zaria hugged her. "It is so good to see you here."

"It is good to have you here." Zecora declared. "Don't you agree, Grim dear?"

"Oh, yeah." Grimoire frowned with sarcastic annoyance. "I'm dancing for joy."

"I see the foal is growing well." Zaria noted. "How has it been, do tell?"

"Things have been somewhat up and down." Zecora admitted. "But it helped to have Grimoire and myself so close to town."

"And has Grimoire been of use to you during this time?" Zaria asked. "Or has he been too busy with his family of crime?"

"Oh, don't start that again!" Grimoire growled.

"And why not, pray?" Zaria glared. "That is still how you spend your day."

"I always make plenty of time for Zecora." Grimoire declared. "She is my wife, after all. And carrying my foal, I might add."

"That is true, sister dear." Zecora agreed. "I can always count on Grim to be near."

"A criminal husband, though devoted to you, is still a criminal husband, that is true." Zaria scoffed. "I have always said you deserved better, dear sister." She glared at Grimoire. "Far better than you, mister."

"Typical." Grimoire growled. "Why are you even here, anyway?"

"I came here to aid my sister in this trying time." Zaria announced. "To stay and take care of her until the foal comes is no crime."

"Stay?!" Grimoire groaned. "You can't be serious."

"Never more so." Zaria declared. "Until the foal arrives, I shall not go."

"Thank you, my dear sibling." Zecora smiled. "Having you here will certainly help with everything."

"That's not the way I see it." Grimoire huffed.

"Come now, my dear." Zecora tutted. "It will not hurt to have Zaria here."

"Wanna bet?" Grimoire snorted.

As Zaria entered the study, Oakley stood up. The Timberwolf eyed the newcomer with suspicion.

"By my stripes, what is this beast?" Zaria frowned. "Why do you have him here, I can ask the least?"

"This is Oakley." Grimoire smirked. "He's a Timberwolf I... adopted."

"You keep a savage animal in your home, with a foal about to roam?" Zaria gaped. "Are you mad, to let this thing stay in your pad?"

"Oakley is no savage." Grimoire spat. "He is perfectly tame. I'm confident he wouldn't hurt our foal."

"I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm not." Zaria snarled. "I've come to expect this kind of thing from you, you clot." She turned to her sister. "I fail to see why you stay with this clown, when there are so many more upstanding stallions in town."

"Here we go again." Grimoire snarled. "Another rant about how I'm not good enough for Zecora. When are you going to get it through your head that she loves, and that she's staying with me?"

"My sister deserves more than some criminal scum." Zaria retorted. "She deserves to be with a fine, law-abiding stallion, not a bum."

"Sister, please." Zecora stepped in. "You speak as if being with Grim is like carrying a disease."

"It may as well be." Zaria sneered. "How can you stand such misery?"

"Misery?" Grimoire growled. "I treat Zecora like a queen! She wants for nothing!"

"That is not what I was talking about." Zaria declared. "Zecora, do you not feel the glares and spite of others when you are out?"

The memory of the Grand Galloping Gala entered Zecora's head.

"Ponyville is quite a tolerant place." She stated. "I am not afraid to show my face."

"Besides, Zecora's lived in Ponyville for years." Grimoire added. "She's one of them. They don't hold who she married against her. Heck, even they don't hold anything against me. That ought to count for something."

"So you're saying nopony ever insults my sister for who is her mister?" Zaria asked. "Of this true, speak must you."

"First off, that was a terrible rhyme." Grimoire declared. "And second, there are some ponies who give Zecora flak over being married to me. But that's just the way of the world. There are always jerks out there who spew out bile at you. It's something we all have to deal with. At this point, my brothers made games about who had the most creative insults."

"But tt's not something Zecora has to deal with." Zaria growled. "That's not the way she has to live."

"I do not mind, Zaria, dear." Zecora insisted. "I am no stranger to insults and whispers here."

"That does not mean you have to again endure such things." Zaria frowned. "All because you and he share rings."

"Look Zaria, this isn't going to work." Grimoire spat. "So just drop it, okay?"

"Very well, Grim." Zaria scowled. "You're looking chunky, by the way. Perhaps you should stop by at the gym?"

Grimoire glared at her, then sat back down, reading.

"Perhaps you could join me in the kitchen?" Zecora told her sister. "We just got new food in."

"Of course, Zecor." Zaria nodded. "Do not be surprised if I ask for more."

As the sisters went into the kitchen, Grimoire turned to Oakley.

"Be thankful you're don't have a sister-in-law." He declared.

Oakley tilted his head quizzically.

The next morning, while Zecora and Zaria went out to Ponyville, Grimoire was trying his best to continue his writing. He preferred to write with his hooves, but the Prancington's was starting to affect them, making it hard for him to grip things for long. His hooves were shaking as he tried to write a new paragraph.

"Aw, come on..." He groaned. "Write, you lousy hoof..."

Suddenly, there was a loud, rythmic knock at the door. Grimoire tensed up. He recognised that particular knock.

"Oh no." He cringed with dismay. "Not Zebediah..."

After the incident involving himself and some cronies trying to collect on a bounty placed on Grimoire, things had been rather rough between the two. Ever since they inducted Sid into their little group, Zebediah had frequently come by, begging for forgiveness, trying to patch things up with him. But forgiveness was something that Grimoire always refused to give. But that didn't stop Zebediah from trying over and over again.

"Hey, Grim." Zebediah smiled widely,

"Oh Faust, not this again." Grimoire rolled his eyes, as Oakley growled beside him. He made to close the door, but Zebediah put his hoof in the way.

"Come on, Grim." Zebediah pleaded. "Aren't we way past the time when you usually forgive me?"

"That's not how it works. That isn't how it ever worked. And I have no intentions of it working now." Grimoire said coldly. "You are not welcome here, Zeb. Go away."

"Seriously?" Zebediah frowned. "You can't shut me out forever!"

"Wanna bet?" Grimoire snarled.

"No offense, but I think you're taking this a little too personally." Zebediah declared. "I said it was nothing personal! It was never personal! That means you shouldn't take it personally!"

"Personally?" Grimoire scowled. "You and your pals tried to kill me and cash in on a bounty that was on my head."

"I just wanted the bounty." Zebediah corrected him. "It was the others who wanted to kill you, remember?"

"Like that really matters." Grimoire snorted. "You still planned to betray me, to sell me out in order to line your own pockets. That is unforgiveable!"

"Oh, that is where you draw the line? Not when I ratted out your counterfeit jeans scam to those cops? Or when I tried to 'borrow' some Bits from your offshore account?" Zebediah challenged.

"I believe you are missing the point here." Grimiore scowled. "But I have no interest in pointing it out to you."

"But..." Zebediah spluttered.

"Besides, I've got enough headaches to deal with as it is." Grimoire growled. "My lousy sister-in-law is staying over, and I don't need grief from you on top of her, so get lost!"

"Oh come on!" Zebediah protested.

Grimoire used his magic to push Zebediah's foot away from the door frame.

"Goodbye, Zebediah." He said bluntly.

Grimoire slammed the door shut, leaving a despondent Zebediah to walk away.

"Son of a buckin'..." Zebediah growled to himself as he left.

Over in the marketplace, Zecora and Zaria were buying some extra food.

"I am impressed that this town has the means to produce such fine greens." Zaria remarked,

"The Earth Ponies here grow fine veggies and fruit." Zecora nodded. "And they have excellent flowers, to boot."

"It is a fine place to set up roots, I will admit." Zaria beamed. "But why do you choose to stay with such a nitwit?"

"Sister, please." Zecora groaned. "Must you be so ill at ease?"

"You married a crook." Zaria scowled. "When will you give him the hook?"

"Never will I do that." Zecora retorted. "I love him, the silly bat."

"Love him? But he lied to you!" Zaria snorted. "How can you trust one who will not tell you true?"

"Grimoire did not tell me the truth, but he had his reasons." Zecora declared. "And he gave me his love, which has lasted through the seasons."

"Still devoted to him are you?" Zaria sneered. "After he gave you so much to rue?"

"He also gave me much to be thankful for." Zecora replied. "The foal I carry, who grows more and more."

"Yes, the foal, for one." Zaria frowned. "Perhaps a future don?"

"Do not speak that way." Zecora chided her. "The foal is not even born this day!"

"But what of tomorrow, I ask?" Zaria asked. "What if the foal takes Grimoire's possession to task? How will you stand the stigma of ponies knowing across the board, that you are the mother of a criminal overlord?"

"I can take a few harsh words and glares." Zecora snorted. "And for those who may be harsher, those can be ones of which Grimoire take cares."

"'Take cares'?" Zaria gasped. "You are even sounding like one of the don's mares!"

"Do not exaggerate so." Zecora chuckled. "I am joking... only mostly, though."

Zaria scowled as they departed the market.

"This is not over, Zecor." She muttered. "Of this, you can be sure..."

Over the next few days, Zaria continued to try and talk Zecora into leaving Grimoire, often right in front of him. As if that weren't bad enough, Zebediah still coming by, begging for forgiveness.

One morning, Grimoire and Zecora were sat in the lounge when Zaria came in.

"Zecora, surely you are not comfortable in this big house, founded on crime." Zaria declared. "Come back to the village, where we can sit in our huts and rhyme."

"Thank you for the offer, my dear." Zecora declared. "But I'm afraid my home is here."

"Here, in this den of wrong?" Zaria growled. "This isn't where you belong."

"Back off, Zaria." Grimoire scowled. "You can't blame Zecora for preferring this place to your little huts."

"You have seduced my sister with your wealth." Zaria scowled. "And you intend to keep your all to yourself."

"Watch your tongue." Grimoire growled. "As long as you're staying in this 'den of wrong', you show some respect. Got that?"

"On that, I say don't hold your breath." Zaria scowled. "Village girl I may be, but I'm not out of my depth."

Grimoire was about to respond, when there was a familiar knock at the door.

"Not again..." He growled.

"One of his criminal buddies, no doubt." Zaria scoffed. "Maybe they're talking about who next to take out."

"Sister, that's enough." Zecora frowned. "I don't appreciate you putting my husband in a huff."

"On that we disagree." Zaria smirked. "It is very entertaining to me."

Meanwhile, Grimoire answered the door, Zebediah once more behind it.

"Come on, Grim." Zebediah held up a bag of Bits. "This bag of shiny Bits can be yours, for the low, low price of forgiving me."

"Forget it." Grimoire scowled, closing the door in Zebediah's face. "Boy, I've got an annoying mare inside, and an annoying stallion outside. How could it get any worse?"

And so it continued like that, both Zaria and Zebediah pushing Grimoire to the limits of his patience. Grimoire, already stressed over his condition, grew more and more annoyed. It all came to a head one afternoon...

Zebediah was at the door, once again begging for forgiveness.

"Zeb, I am so not in the mood for this." Grimoire snarled.

"You can't blame me for trying!" Zebediah smiled. "I can do this all year, Grim. Why must you be so difficult this time?"

"Before this time, you betrayed worse than you ever did before." Grimoire snarled. "You tried to collect on my bounty, and just stood by as your friends tried to kill me. There is no way I'll ever forgive you."

"First off, you try and get between a guy who rips eyes out with a pair of salad tongs and Mr. 'Let Us Purge!', and see how well you live after that!" Zebediah growled. "And secondly, you are being unreasonable! You had forgiven me time and time again for trying to kill you and other awful things! This should be like any other time!"

"Maybe, but not this time." Grimiore declared coldly, "That was the last straw."

"Aw, come on!" Zebediah groaned. "It was just business, Grim! We do stuff like that for a living. And we've known each other for years! Doesn't that count for anything?!"

"It does." Grimoire nodded. "Which is why your betrayal cut so deep. Despite your spineless conniving ways, I always thought I could trust you when the chips were down. I thought that after enough times, you would learn that betraying me or the others would get you nowhere, but yet even now, you would rather pick me apart so you can have more money!"

"Well, excuse me for trying to make a little extra cash!" Zebediah snarled. "In case you have forgotten, my mafia is practically poor! We got, like, hand-me-down weapons, and used suits, and cheap, ramshackle hideouts! I did what any sensible don would do for his mafia! Surely you would understand that!"

"Well, I don't." Grimoire growled, "And I am done giving you second chances. While we may still be fellow dons in our group, outside that, you are nothing to me. I'm done with you, you hear me?!"

"...Yeah, I hear you." Zebediah snarled. "I was getting tired anyways."

"Still whining, are we?" Grimoire scowled, Zebediah's last sentence not sinking in. "Then maybe you should- Wait, what did you just say?"

"I'm saying I'm done begging for forgiveness." Zebediah growled. "If you were my friend at all, you would know better to not give up on guys like me! Some friend you are..."

"Excuse me?!" Grimiore gaped. "You have no right to be chastising me about friendship! Friends don't allow others to kill their other friends!"

"Well, friends would forgive others despite that!" Zebediah shot back. "But I guess you're too 'noble' for that!"

"Well, look who's grown a backbone." Grimoire snorted. "But I'm the one who's going to have the last word here."

"Wanna bet?" Zebediah snarled. "Goodbye, Grim. I hope you rot in Tartarus!"

Zebediah turned and stormed off, leaving a surprised and flustered Grimoire behind. Angrily, he slammed the door.

"Well, that's one pest gone..." Grimoire sighed angrily, as he looked with despair towards the dining room. "One to go..."

Grimoire joined Zecora and Zaria for dinner.

"Who was at the door, Grim?" Zecora asked. "If it was a friend, we could have made room for him."

"Oh, it was... nopony important." Grimoire shrugged.

"Oh, is that so?" Zaria raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps it was one of criminal underlings, come to talk about things."

"Actually, it wasn't, Zaria." Grimoire snorted. "Guess you're wrong... again."

"Like I can trust a word out of your mouth." Zaria scowled. "Zecora, how long before this all goes south?"

"Zaria, please." Zecora urged. "Not at the table, so eat your mac and cheese!"

"Yes, Zaria." Grimoire declared. "Eat the food that I paid for."

"With your dirty money!" Zaria spat. "And by the way, the cheese is runny."

"Zaria please, no more." Zecora urged. "All this talk of me leaving Grim is becoming a bore."

"I am trying to help you, this is true." Zaria retorted. "Grimoire is not a fit husband, and this marriage, you must disband."

"You really can't take a hint, can you?" Grimoire snarled. "Get this through your striped skull; Zecora is my wife, and she wants to stay my wife, so back off already!"

"I shall not, you walking pile of rot." Zaria spat. "You have pulled Zecora into your world, and her conscience, it has been hurled. She is becoming more like you by the day, and I know the foal will turn out the same way. I refuse to let that happen, I swear. So I will manage to get Zecora to leave you, by means foul or fair."

"Zaria, that's enough!" Zecora yelled, dropping her rhyming. "No more, you hear me?"

"Zecora, you're not-" Zaria started.

"I have had enough of you insulting my husband, and trying to drive me away from him." Zecora spat. "I am his wife, and I love him, no matter what. I don't care that he's a criminal, I am staying with him and we are raising our foal together!"

"So there." Grimoire added.

Zaria was silent for a moment. Then...

"This is the thanks I get?" She scowled. "Or even no thanks, yet? I came to free you from this life, and you give me such strife?"

"I didn't ask you to free me." Zecora said coldly.

"No, you did not." Zaria admitted. "And I know why not. You enjoy being the wife of a crook, of living life outside the law book. You abandoned your morals and your sense of what's right, just to live with a criminal and a blight!"

"Watch it, missy." Grimoire growled, his anger growing. "You don't talk to my wife like that."

"Or what, you'll have me shot?" Zaria snorted. "Go ahead, do it, then we'll know where you fit!"

"I'd advise to stop talking like that." Zecora glared. "Especially if you ever want to see your nephew or niece."

"Of being an aunt, I would not rather." Zaria snarled. "Considering the foal will be criminal scum, just like its father!"

Grimoire's anger was steadily climbing.

"Look, Zoey-" He started.

"Zoey?" Zecora and Zaria said together.

"You know what I meant!" Grimoire groaned, his anger reaching its limit. "I've had enough of this. You come to my house, you insult me, you insult my lifestyle, you try to get my wife to leave me, and worst of all, you insult my foal! You just crossed the line, lady!"

"I agree." Zecora nodded, still refraining from rhyming. "I think its best you leave."

"You would side with him over me?" Zaria gasped. "Being the wife of a criminal, over being free?"

Zecora turned away from her sister.

"So be it." Zaria spat, her eyes growing watery. "I'm sure I can find a good inn in which to sit."

Zaria stormed out of the room, and out of the mansion.

"Finally." Grimoire snorted. "I don't mean to sound callous, but she got what was coming to her. The nerve of her, trying to come in here and break us apart. Well, we won't have to worry about that anymore..."

As Grimoire made to wrap a hoof around his wife, Zecora pushed it away.

"'Cora?" He frowned.

"Not just now, Grim." Zecora sniffed. "Not just now!"

ecora rushed over to the couch, burying herself in it as she wept morosely.

"...I'm sorry, Zecora." Grimoire sighed. "I didn't mean for it to come to this. I just wanted to get Zaria off my back, that's all..."

"I know." Zecora sniffed. "I know..."

Neither one of them said much after that. They went to bed together without exchanging a word. Zecora was too heartbroken to speak, while Grimoire was feeling guilty over the whole mess.

The next morning, Zecora was utterly miserable, barely eating her breakfast.

"Zecora, you have to eat something." Grimoire urged. "For the foal."

"I'm not hungry." Zecora declared. "Do you hear me?"

"I know you're still upset..." Grimoire started.

"Upset?!" Zecora growled. "Oh, you bet!"

"Just try and calm down." Grimoire urged. "It's not good for the foal for you to get emotional..."

"I cannot help myself, despite the foal's health!" Zecora yelled. "I did not want to force my family out of my life, not because of a fight over being your wife. Zaria is the only family I have left. She has always been there for me, especially when of Zou I found myself bereft. If not for the comfort she gave, my despair could have lead me to the grave. She helped me to move on and start anew. If not for her, I might never have met you. And how did I repay her? By driving her away, perhaps forever! Grimoire, I must make this right, and reconcile with Zaria over our fight!"

"...I understand." Grimoire sighed. "I know how important family is. As much as my brothers annoy me sometimes, I can't imagine never speaking to even one of them again. Okay, let's go find Zaria, and try to talk this out."

"But how will we find her?" Zecora asked. "She could be anywhere!"

"Not exactly." Grimoire smiled knowingly. "She said she was going to spend the night in an inn, remember? Well, the only inn I know of around here that's within walking distance is The Crop And Bridle. That's probably where she went. And the train to Canterlot's airfield doesn't leave until ten. If we hurry, we might be able to catch her."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Zecora declared. "Let us go out the door!"

"Oakley, you look after the mansion." Grimoire instructed.

Oakley barked obediently.

Rushing over to The Crop And Bridle as fast as they could, Grimoire and Zecora found Zaria in the bar area, a cider and lime beside her.

"Zaria, dear!" Zecora smiled. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Zecora?" Zaria frowned.

"I am so sorry for last night." Zecora apologised. "I did not mean for us to fight."

"Nor did I." Zaria sighed. "Even though it seemed like I did try."

"I'm sorry, too." Grimoire admitted. "You were just trying to look out for your sister. I can respect that..."

"I accept your apology." Zaria declared. "And I hope you can forgive me."

"We're family, aren't we?" Grimoire shrugged.

"Would you like to come back with us?" Zecora asked. "We can have a late breakfast, no fuss."

"That would be nice, but I'm afraid I must think twice." Zaria declared. "I am... with somepony at this time, this here being his cider and lime."

"Really?" Grimoire mused. "Who?"

Just then, to Grimoire's surprise, Zebediah, carrying some chips, sidled past him and sat next to Zaria.

"Sorry for the wait, babe." He beamed.

"Thank you for the chips." Zaria grinned. "Now come here, hot lips."

To Grimoire and Zecora's shock, the pair kissed. Only after they parted did Zebediah notice their audience.

"Grim?" Zebediah's eyes widened, "Fancy running into you here."

"You... and my sister?" Zecora gaped. "You had better start explaining, mister!"

"Look, this isn't what it looks like..." Zebediah started.

"Really?" Grimoire frowned. "Because it looks like you've spent the night with my sister-in-law."

"...Okay, it's exactly what it looks like." Zebediah nodded.

"Zaria, why would you lay with this fellow?" Zecora asked. "Especially after everything you did bellow?"

"Please, do not be a pain." Zaria declared. "We can explain."

"Go ahead, then." Grimoire urged. "Explain."

"Okay, okay." Zebediah nodded. "Guess you deserve that much..."

"It all started last night, just after our fight." Zaria admitted. "I was drowning my sorrows in this bar, and found Zeb sitting not too far."

"We got to talking about our woes, y'know, like folks in bars like to do." Zebediah declared. "And like most folks in bars, the drinks loosened our tongues. We talked about all sorts of things. Of course, she wasn't happy about me bein' a mobster, but that's when things got interesting..."

The night before...

"You are one of them?" Zaria spat, the drinks starting to get to her. "I am not interested in such a twisted gem!"

"Hey, easy." Zebediah frowned. "Bein' a mobster's not what I'm all about. I'm actually a pretty nice guy when you get to know me..."

"Is that true?" Zaria growled. "Speak honestly, you!"

"Oh, really? What happened to not being interested in a twisted gem?" Zebediah challenged.

"If I am to hate somepony, I must be sure they deserve it." Zaria declared. "So come on, tell me if you meant it!"

"Sure I did." Zebediah smirked with bravado. "Everypony loves me. I'm respected far and wide for my loyalty and honor!"

"So you do say." Zaria glared at Zebediah. Are you really that way?"

"...No, I'm not." Zebediah admitted. "I'm a weaselly little back-stabber who betrays even his best friends, just to get ahead."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing." Zaria spat. "Why would you even do such a thing?"

"Well, that's a heck of a story." Zebediah sighed. "Where to begin? I grew up with practically nothing. I was a poor kid in a dirt town, with a dad who barely pulled in a dozen Bits a week. One day, dad realised there was a more profitable career for him; crime. He started off small, then gathered his own mob, which grew and grew. Eventually, ol' pop became part of Grim's dad's gathering of dons. I thought that would finally turn things around for us, but I was wrong. Whenever I came along to the meetings, interacting with the other dons and their kids, I could tell they had no respect for my dad. It didn't matter how hard he worked to become a successful mobster, what only mattered was that our mafia was one of the poorest and arguably weakest in all of mafiadom, and they reminded us of how 'grateful' we should be for being in that damn group."

"I understand your plight." Zaria admitted. "My own parent's income was slight."

"I'll bet you never had to suffer your family being thought of as second rate, though." Zebediah sighed.

"Of that, it is true." Zaria admitted. "I cannot imagine what it was like to be you."

"And it still continued when I took dad's place, I could feel it." Zebediah continued. "They never considered either of us 'true' members of the group, all because of how poor we were. They probably thought we were just street hustlers who got lucky. Every one of them. I never fitted in with them. The more I though about it, the more I felt worthless in the face of the others, like they didn't even need me. I only betrayed them because I though they'd do the same in my case anyways. Crowe always hated me, Kamikaze would do anything to get more land, Kong would do anything to get more girls, Zugzwang is a plothead, and Grim... well... he never respected me anyways. But in the end, I always messed up, and they always made me pay for it. And recently, I really messed up. I betrayed Grim over a lousy bounty. I didn't want to kill him, but that doesn't matter to him. This time, he's given up on me. I can feel it."

"Oh, you poor thing." Zaria sighed, genuinely sympathetic. "You have been through such suffering..."

"That I brought on myself." Zebediah sighed.

"As have I, to my fie." Zaria admitted. "I held your Grim in low esteem. I believed he was corrupting Zecora, making her the wife of a don's dream. I tried with all my might to get Zecora to leave that hood, but I went too far, and that is not good."

"Too far?" Zebediah asked. "How?"

"I insulted her foal, I am telling you." Zaria sighed. "I insulted my own niece or nephew."

"Oh, yeah." Zebediah cringed. "That is too far."

"I was so determined to have Zecora quit being Grim's wife." Zaria declared. "Now I fear I have lost my sister... for life."

Zaria started crying. Zebediah put a hoof on her shoulder.

"There, there." He comforted her. "It's okay."

"It is most certainly not okay." Zaria retorted. "For I made a grave error this day! My only sister, I did push away, and without her, my life will be grey!"

"Here." Zebediah passed her another drink. "This should help ease the pain."

"Thank you, you're very kind." Zaria downed the drink. "I'm glad the two of us, we did find."

"So am I..." Zebediah smiled. "Let's get some more drinks in. Really drown the ol' sorrows, huh?"

"Since I have nothing better to do, I suppose I can stay and drink with you." Zaria nodded.

"More drinks, bartender!" Zebediah called.

The present...

"...And one thing led to another, and we wound up sleeping together." Zebediah smirked. "Didn't see that coming, huh?"

"No I did not." Grimoire said honestly.

"And after everything you said about me being with a don." Zecora smirked. "You found one of your own with which to get it on."

"Yes, it is true." Zaria sighed. "Now I am just like you. Can you ever forgive me, for being so angry?"

"Of course I can, my sibling." Zecora nodded. "We are family, and family can withstand anything.

Zaria turned to Grimoire.

"Grim, I was a fool." She admitted. "You and your foal are wondrous additions to our family's gene pool."

"Thanks, Zaria." Grimoire smiled. He turned to Zebediah, "And Zeb? Was all that you said about not fitting in and stuff... was all that true?"

"Every word of it." Zebediah sighed, "I thought there was no point in loyalty if there was no one who cared about it."

"I guess that would explain a lot." Grimoire sighed. "Look Zeb, despite what you may think, the rest of us actually did respect you. Even me."

"Really?" Zebediah smiled.

"Of course." Grimoire nodded. "That's why I always forgave you after each backstabbing. Because I knew you were better than that. But when you led those guys to my home, threatening my new life... something just snapped. I became blinded by anger. I had no right to talk to you like that."

"That's okay." Zebediah nodded. "I had it coming, after what I did. And I really am sorry."

"I am too. You are right, I shouldn't have given up on you. I had see others do unforgivable things... but you... while I don't appreciate being harvested for parts, I do appreciate that you weren't willing to kill me. That was the line you would never cross, right?" Grimoire sighed.

"Right." Zebediah nodded. "You're my friend, Grim. All these years, I never wanted to hurt you, not once."

"I suppose that counts for something." Grimoire smiled. "Enough for me to give you another chance."

"Thanks, Grim." Zebediah smiled. "You won't regret it, I promise."

"I'd better not." Grimoire snorted. "Because I really hope that this is the last time."

"Of course." Zebediah agreed. "I swear, this will be my last double-cross. Besides, you seem cool with me hanging with Zaria, right?"

"Well..." Grimoire frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Are you sure about this, sister?" Zecora asked. "You are fine with him being your mister?"

"Really, my dear sibling?" Zaria frowned. "You question my choice in stallion, after everything?"

"I suppose that would make me quite the hypocrite." Zecora admitted. "If you want to be with him, I shan't throw a fit."

"If Zecora's okay with it, then I guess so am I." Grimoire smiled halfheartedly.

"Thank you both so much." Zaria hugged them both. "I am happy to have your acceptance, and such."

"Now that's out of the way..." Zebediah nodded. "Do you think me and my new ladyfriend could have privacy?" He wrapped a hoof around Zaria.

"I have a better idea." Zecora smiled. "How about the both of you come to the mansion, instead of staying here?"

"I would be glad to." Zaria smiled. "Nopony makes breakfast quite like you."

"I'm up for it... if its okay with you, Grim." Zebediah declared.

"Sure it is." Grimoire nodded. "Just... watch out for Oakley. Big fella holds a grudge as hard as I do..."

The quartet exited the inn, heading for the mansion.

'So it all worked out in the end. Zaria got off my back, and I decided to give Zeb another chance. Believe it or not, those two are still dating. The irony of the two biggest pains in my flank getting together is delicious... though I suppose I did have a hoof in getting them together. Zaria's still staying in Ponyville, though. She wants to be there when the foal is born. Of course, now she's a lot less annoying, so I don't mind much. Anything that keeps my temper from flaring is welcome. I don't want anypony finding out about my condition until I decide to tell them. Hopefully, I won't be too far gone when the little one arrives...'

Cold Hooves

'So the Prancington's just keeps on going. Depite the meds, I'm starting to get worse. I tend to zone out without warning at least twice a day, sometimes right in the middle of a conversation. And if I miss out on even five minutes of sleep, I wake up with a major headache. And the old temper just keeps on flaring... As you can imagine, it's getting harder and harder to hide my condition from Zecora and the others. There have been some really close calls, but I've managed to keep things under wraps. I can only guess at how long I can keep it up... But that's enough about my problems. Let's move on to a slightly more uplifting topic.'

'Though my brothers and I (save for Caboose, obviously) all found our current mares at around the same time (well one mare, in Slot's case), it took a while for each of us to marry them, with lengthy gaps inbetween. For some reason, Vinny was the last to propose. To be honest, we were all getting impatient with him. It was a pretty classy proposal, though...'

Vinny and Berry were having a picnic just outside of Canterlot. Vinny had brought the own vintage wine he owned, the Tambelon '33. He and Berry were saving that for last, and were currently enjoying their food. Though Vinny was slightly nervous over what he was about to do.

"What do you think of the pansy paninis?" He asked Berry.

"Mmm, they're great." Berry smiled.

"Yeah, they're Sonny's own recipe." Vinny chuckled. "Only the best for my gal, y'know?"

"Thanks, Vinny." Berry nuzzled him. "You're so sweet."

"Aw, shucks." Vinny grinned. "What say we get into that wine?"

"You know I've been waiting for it." Berry grinned.

As Berry finished up her food, Vinny poured the wine into two glasses. He then secretly added the earring he was going to propose with to Berry's glass (hoof rings were the norm for Earth Ponies, but some preferred earrings. Berry was one of those ponies, something Vinny had learned months before).

"Here we go." He gave Berry her glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." Berry echoed, as they tapped glasses.

As Berry downed the wine, she spotted the ring.

"Wait, is that..." She gaped.

"Surprise." Vinny smiled awkwardly.

"Vinny, are you...?" Berry whispered.

"Proposing?" Vinny finished. "Yeah, guess I am."

Berry tipped the glass, dropping the ring onto her hoof.

"...Well?" Vinny urged. "Say something!"

"...Yes." Berry beamed. "I will marry you."

"Alright!" Vinny embraced her. "You're the best, babe!"

"Well, I couldn't exactly say 'no' to such a thoughtful proposal." Berry beamed.

"Took me a while to think it through, to be honest." Vinny admitted. "I must have gone through like, a dozen different ways in my head. But none of them felt right, y'know? Then I figured, why not use the thing that brought us together in the first place?"

"Speaking of which..." Berry held up her glass. "How about another round?"

"Sure, why not?" Vinny chuckled, pouring more wine into their glasses. "We're celebratin', aren't we?"

"We sure are." Berry grinned.

"To us." Vinny held up his glass.

"To us." Berry nodded, as they tapped glasses again.

'It was a beautiful proposal, that's for sure. When the rest of us heard, we couldn't believe Vinny had put it together all by himself...'

"Way to go, bro." Murray smiled.

"Way to rein in that filly!" Salt added.

"I must admit, I'm impressed." Lars declared.

"Me too." Sonny agreed.

"I didn't think you were smart enough to come up with a classy proposal all by yourself." Slot smirked.

"Watch it, Slot." Vinny scowled. "Just because this is the greatest achievement of my life don't mean I won't pound you."

"Come on, guys." Grimoire frowned. "Let's not fight. This is a happy occasion."

"Yeah." Caboose nodded. "Vinny's finally gonna join the married Napoleon brothers club!"

"Yeah, I didn't think I'd see the day." Sonny grinned. "You'll be a taken stallion, just like the rest of us."

"That's the plan." Vinny nodded. "Me and Berry, together forever. Just the two of us..."

"Boy, who'da thought it?" Murray chuckled. "The Napoleons brothers, all settled down with wives. We sure used to play the field, didn't we?"

"Aw, yeah." Salt nodded. "We got all kinds of mares."

"Some of us even got stallions..." Slot smirked at Sonny.

"Oh, knock it off!" Sonny pouted.

"The chances of us all ending up with lovely, beautiful, down-to-Earth mares was astronomical." Lars declared. "And yet, we did it."

"We sure did." Caboose nodded "I can't imagine life without Daring anymore."

"And I can't imagine life without May." Murray admitted.

"That'll be you, soon enough, Vinny." Grimoire declared. "You and Berry, husband and wife. Together for as long as you both shall live."

"Yep." Vinny nodded. "That'll be us, alright... Grim, do you wanna be my best stallion?"

"You bet I do." Grimoire chuckled.

"That figures." Murray chuckled.

'That was a few weeks ago. I'm writing about it now because just the proposal on its own wouldn't have been much of a chapter. No, better to wait until the wedding itself happens before putting quill to paper. And let me tell you, there was more than a little drama to be had, in a tale I call...'

Chapter Thirty: Cold Hooves

'The engagement didn't last too long. In a matter of weeks, everything was set up for the big day. Our wives were with Berry on her bachelorette party...'

The mares were gathered at Bon-Bon and Sonny's home, each holding a drink in their hoof (May, Bon-Bon, and Zecora's being non-alcoholic).

"Isn't this wonderful?" May sighed. "This time tomorrow, you'll be a married mare, just like the rest of us."

"I know." Berry sighed, her engagement earring glinting in the light. "And I can't wait."

"It sure took Vinny long enough to pop the question." Daring snorted. "I was starting to think he'd never ask."

"Come on, Daring." Bon-Bon rolled her eyes. "Des it really matter how long it took, as long as he actually did it?"

"Not in my book." Lyra agreed.

"That is indeed true." Zecora told Berry. "What matters is that he loves you."

"Exactly." Redheart smiled. "Tomorrow, you'll be husband and wife."

"How do you feel?" Vinyl asked.

"Excited." Berry grinned. "And a little nervous, too."

From off in the distance, what sounded like a mare yelling "Nervoucited!" rang out.

"What was that?" Octavia frowned. "Sounded so familiar."

"Yeah, it did..." May frowned. "Oh well, probably just the wind..."

"Let's not let the wind ruin this special occasion." Redheart chuckled.

"Hear, hear." Lyra nodded. "How about some more wine?"

"I'll drink to that!" Vinyl joked.

"Another ice tea, please." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Another wheatgrass shake for me." May declared.

"And I'll have another papaya smoothie." Zecora smiled. "This drink really agrees with me."

"You got it." Berry smiled.

As more drinks were passed around, Berry thoughts shifted to her groom-to-be.

'Oh, Vinny.' She thought. 'I hope you're having as much fun as I am...'

'Meanwhile, the brothers and I were at Vinny's bachelor party, held at none other than Blazin' Blue's...'

"Well, this is it." Salt declared. "Big day tomorrow, huh, Vin?"

"Yep..." Vinny nodded tensely. "The big, big day..."

"Little nervous, partner?" Blue asked, as he handed out more drinks. "Boy, I know that feeling. The night before I married Mist, I was a wreck. I was so worried, I almost threw up."

"Gee, thanks for putting that thought in my head." Vinny cringed. "Had to wait until I was swallowing before you said it, huh?"

"Sorry." Blue chuckled. "But seriously, everything'll be okay. Trust me, all those feelings will vanish once you start walking down the aisle."

"Here's hopin'." Vinny nodded. "I know I'm the one who proposed and everything, but it's all starting to get so serious..."

"'Course it's getting serious." Sonny nodded. "It's the big plunge. Married life. You can't get more serious than that."

"But the rewards are plentiful". Lars smiled. "Take it from us, there's nothing better than having a devoted wife to come home to at the end of the day."

"And to bear your kids." Caboose added.

"Yeah, one day..." Vinny shrugged, still a little nervous.

"Hey, less about the future, and more about the now." Slot smirked. "And right now, I need another drink!"

"Comin' right up." Blue nodded.

"Just try and relax, Vinny." Grimoire urged. "Those pre-wedding day jitters will go away once you start having fun."

"I guess you're right." Vinny nodded. "I just gotta relax, and enjoy the party."

"That's the spirit, bro." Salt chuckled. "It's your party, after all. And the guest of honor should be having the most fun!"

"Can't argue with logic like that." Vinny raised his glass. "Let's kick gear!"

"Yeah!" Caboose slammed on some music. "Partyyyy!"

With that, the Napoleon brothers really started to live it up, dancing and going wild.

"Oh, yeah!" Slot yelled. "This is how you rock!"

"And this how I rock!" Murray danced madly.

"Is that what you call it?" Lars smirked. "I thought you were having an epileptic fit."

"Laugh it up." Murray snorted. "You've always been jealous of my moves."

"Since when?" Sonny teased.

"If anypony's got moves to be jealous of, it's me!" Caboose performed a frenzied, bandy-legged dance.

"In your dreams, bro." Salt chuckled.

"Let's just say we all have our own unique style." Grimoire chuckled, pulling his own moves. "And just enjoy ourselves!"

"Go, Grim! Go, Grim! Go, Grim!" The brothers chanted.

After a while, things cooled down, and Grimoire decided it was time for Vinny to get a surprise.

"Okay, guys." He smirked. "Time for the main event."

"What main event?" Vinny asked. "What's going on?"

At Grimoire's command, a large cake was wheeled in.

"We got a little surprise for you, bro." Murray chuckled. "One last bit of fun before you're a married stiff, same as the rest of us."

"Oh guys, you didn't..." Vinny frowned, catching on.

"That's not coconut, is it?" Caboose asked, holding up a knife. "If not, I get the first piece!"

"Easy there, bro." Salt stopped Caboose. "We don't want a repeat of what happened last time..."

"Oh, right." Caboose chuckled awkwardly.

"Everypony quiet down." Slot declared. "The show's about to begin."

"Really, guys." Vinny shook his head. "I didn't want-"

From out of the cake burst a blonde maned, tan coated Unicorn mare with luminous blue eyes, high heel Cutie Mark, and the perfect figure of a super model, a glittery sliver dress practically painted on her.

Vinny's jaw dropped and his eyes practically popped out of their sockets.

"Whoa-ho-ho." Sonny sniggered. "You really sprang for a top of the line cake mare, huh, Grim?"

"It was the least I could do." Grimoire nodded. "Vinny deserves to have his single live go out with a bang."

"No kidding." Lars smirked. "Look at his face..."

Off to the side, Blue put on some cabaret music.

"Hi, there." The mare purred in an silky smooth voice as she climbed out of the cake. "I'm Honey Glaze."

Salt and Slot wolf-whistled as she approached Vinny.

"You must be the handsome stallion who's getting married tomorrow." Honey smiled. "Vinny, right?"

"Yeah..." Vinny squeaked.

"Ooh, just look at you." Honey sat on Vinny's lap and wrapped her hooves around him. "So handsome. That wife-to-be is one lucky mare..."

"Sh-she is..." Vinny blushed.

"Well, you're not married yet." Honey toyed with Vinny's tie. "How about a little fun before you go into the old ball-and-chain routine?"

"Okay..." Vinny chuckled lightly.

"Great." Honey ruffled Vinny's mane. "Get ready for the night of your life."

Honey stood up, and started dancing provocatively. She flicked her long mane, ran her hooves down her slender curves, and winked at Vinny, who felt as if he was going to melt into a puddle of mush at any second.

"Yeah, baby!" Slot whooped.

"Shake that money-maker!" Murray added.

Reaching out a slender hoof, Honey pulled Vinny out of his chair, beckoning him to dance with her. Vinny complied, moving in close as they swayed to the music.

"Go, Vinny!" Salt cheered.

"You da the stallion!" Caboose added.

"Live it up, partner!" Blue cheered.

It had been a long time since Vinny had danced with a mare who wasn't Berry. Before he met her, he'd partied with all kinds of mares. Those were wild times, times he hadn't thought of for a while. But at that moment, it all came flooding back. The fun, the freedom... he was about to say goodbye to all that for good.

As the party went on, the brothers got up to all sorts of shenanigans, such as a blind drink-tasting contest, and a small hoof-wrestling tournament. At one point, Caboose wandered around with a lampshade on his head.

"What are you doing, Caboose?" Lars asked. "Why are you wearing that thing on your head?"

"Duh! Because it's a party!" Caboose smirked. "And every good party has some guy run around with a lampshade on his head."

"He's got a point there." Sonny smiled.

"I suppose..." Lars huffed.

As the party wound down, the brothers pepared to depart and turn in for the night. After receiving her payment from Grimoire, Honey made to leave also.

"Enjoy married life." She told Vinny. "With your lucky, lucky wife..."

Vinny fidgeted awkwardly as Honey left.

"You okay, bro?" Caboose asked. "Didn't pull something dancing, did you?"

"No, I'm fine." Vinny declared. "It's just... been a big night."

"It sure has." Grimoire nodded. "In fact, we'd better turn in. Don't want to be too exhausted for the big day, right?"

"Yeah, right..." Vinny muttered.

The brothers and Blue exited the bar, Blue locking up behind them.

"You guys rest up." Blue smiled. "As for me, I'm heading home to be with my own true love..."

"Say 'hi' to Mist for me!" Caboose waved.

"Now, let's some rest of our own." Lars declared.

"Yeah." Vinny sighed. "Big day tomorrow, and all that..."

The brothers crashed over at Vinny's place, wanting to stick with Vinny all the way until the ceremony. Several sleeping bags had already been set up in the bedroom. After changing out their ruffled clothes, the brothers bunkered down for the night.

"Goodnight, everypony." Grimoire smiled.

"And tomorrow will surely be a good day." Murray grinned. "Right, Vin?"

"Oh, yeah." Vinny put on a fake smile. "No doubt." He yawned theatrically. "Well, night."

Vinny rolled over on his side, so the brothers wouldn't see his smile morph into a worried frown.

"Night." Salt yawned.

"See you guys in the morning." Sonny added.

"Not too early, I hope." Lars declared.

"No kiddin'." Slot agreed. "I like to sleep in."

"All these sleeping bags make me feel like we're camping... but indoors! Caboose chuckled.

One by one, the brothers fell asleep, except for Vinny, who lay awake, overwhelmed with doubts.

The next morning, the alarm clock on the nightstand went. Grimoire, the first to awake, reached over and switched it off.

"Come on, boys!" He told the others. "Up and at 'em! Today's the big day!"

"Five more minutes, mom..." Caboose groaned. "...And what happened to your voice?"

"It's me, Caboose." Grimoire growled.

"Oh hey, Grim." Caboose smiled. "What happened to mom?"

"Morning already?" Murray groaned. "Boy, time sure flies when you're sleeping up an awesome bachelor party..."

"No joke." Salt stretched.

"Enough talk." Lars declared. "There's a wedding today, and we're on the clock."

"Meaning we have to get moving." Sonny smiled.

"Yeah, yeah..." Slot groaned. He turned to Vinny's bed, where his brother appeared to be lying under the covers. "That means you too, Mr groom!"

The shape in the bed did not stir.

"Vinny?" Grimoire frowned. "Come on, get up. It's your big day, remember?"

"Wakey, wakey!" Caboose shook the shape. "Huh, Vinny feels... softer than usual. All puffy and fluffy, like a cloud."

"What in Equestria are you talking about?" Lars snorted.

"Come on, bro." Sonny declared. "Up and at 'em."

The shape still did not move.

"Oh, so that's the way you want it, huh?" Salt growled. "Fine. You leave us no choice!"

Salt threw off the covers... revealing a bunch of pillows, formed into a shape vaguely resembling a stallion.

"What the- He's gone!" Slot gasped.

"We can see that, Slot." Lars declared.

"Oh no." Sonny frowned. "He must've gotten cold hooves."

"No way." Caboose shook his head. "He's crazy about Berry! There must be some other reason... Hey, maybe he was kidnapped by a band of rogue Diamond Dogs who want him to make wine for them!"

"Yeah, because that makes so much more sense." Murray snorted.

"Hold on." Grimoire spotted a piece of paper on one of the pillows. He picked it up and opened it, finding some writing on it. "It's a note..."

'Dear everypony,

I'm sorry, but I can't go through with the wedding. I thought it was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. I just need some time on my own to figure things. Don't come looking for me, and please tell Berry that I'm sorry.

Regards, Vinny.'

"Aw, geez..." Slot cringed.

"I knew it." Sonny fretted. "I just knew it."

"What are we going to do?" Lars asked. "The wedding's in two hours. If we can't find Vinny and convince him to come back, Berry will be heartbroken!"

"Not to mention the reception will go to waste." Caboose added.

"Find him?" Salt frowned. "Where do we begin to look?"

"I think I might have an idea." Grimoire declared.

"You're sure, Grim?" Murray asked.

"If I know Vinny as well as I think I do, there's no question about it." Grimoire nodded. "The rest of you get suited up and head down to the chapel. If we don't get here in time, stall for as long as you can."

"Stall?" Slot asked. "How?"

"I don't know!" Grimoire yelled, his temper flaring again. "Think of something!"

"...Okay." Slot gulped.

"Sorry." Grimoire sighed. "I didn't mean to yell."

"That's okay." Sonny said fairly. "It's a stressful situation. We'll do everything we can to buy you time. Promise."

"Good." Grimoire picked up Vinny's spotless wedding tuxedo. "Wish me luck, fellas."

Words of good fortune following him, Grimoire rushed out of the house, making a bee-line for Blazin' Blues. The door was locked, but that was a mere speed bump to the wily old don. Pulling out a paperclip, he worked the lock open. Following his hunch, he headed down to the bar's wine cellar, finding Vinny huddled down there.

"Gotcha." He smirked.

"Grim?" Vinny turned. "How'd you-"

"I'm your big brother, Vinny." Grimoire declared. "I know how you think. I knew you'd want to hide out somewhere that feels... familiar, inviting, wonderful."

"Well, hooray for you." Vinny scowled. "Now please leave. I wanna be alone right now. Or didn't you read my note?"

"Vinny, what's going on?" Grimoire asked. "Why are you suddenly ready to abandon Berry?" Grimoire asked. "Why are you hiding out down here when you should be getting married to the love of your life? As your best stallion, I think I have a right to know!"

"Well, it's..." Vinny mumbled. "You see..."

"Go on." Grimoire urged.

"After what went down last night, I'm not sure if I'm really ready for this." Vinny sighed. "Last night reminded me of how much I used to love playing the field. I won't be able to do that if I'm tied down to a single mare for the rest of my life."

"Seriously?" Grimoire asked skeptically. "That's what this is all about? You just wanting to play the field?"

"...Okay, fine." Vinny sighed. "That's not what this is all about. The truth is... I'm not good enough for Berry."

"...Excuse me?" Grimoire frowned.

"Well, I'm not!" Vinny yelled. "She's this amazing, sweet-hearted gal, and I'm just this criminal lush. It'll never work between us. Not in a 'long as we both live' way. She's better off without me."

"Don't talk like that, Vinny." Grimoire admonished him. "Of course you're good enough for Berry."

"No, I'm not." Vinny sighed. "I'm a dirty, lowdown crook. A mare like Berry shouldn't be consorting with the likes of me, let alone getting married."

"That didn't stop the rest of us from marrying our mares." Grimoire pointed. "And clearly, none of them minded marrying criminals, now did they?"

"That's... not the same." Vinny said feebly. "You guys are all awesome stallions. Murray's bold, Salt's honourable, Lars is smart, Sonny's caring, Slot's got this weird charm going for him, and Caboose is the nicest guy ever. But me? Compared to you guys, I'm nothing. Just a no-account drunky. I'm lewd, crude, and I hate Jews."

"This is the first I'm hearing of that last one." Grimoire declared. "Anyways, that's all a load of horseapples. You may think you're not good enough, but that's a load of swill. You and Berry are made for each other. I've never seen a pair of ponies so perfectly matched."

"But... what if being perfectly matched isn't enough?" Vinny asked. "What if something goes wrong sometime in the future, and it all falls apart?"

"You're just going to have to take that risk." Grimoire declared. "Marriage is about staying together, through thick and thin. I know how strong the bond betweeen you and Berry is. You two can survive anything together..."

"But..." Vinny struggled to respond.

"And speaking of which, how do you think Berry will feel when you fail to show up?" Grimoire continued. "She'll be broken-hearted. Is that what you want?"

"No, it's not..." Vinny started.

"So, don't do it." Grimoire told him, holding up the tuxedo. "Get over there. Marry the mare you love. Make her happy. I know that's what you want, Vinny. Don't let all those fears and worries stop you from being happy."

"You... you're right, Grim." Vinny nodded. "I've been an idiot. I can't do this. I can't throw away my best shot for happiness. And I can't break Berry's heart doing it."

"Of course you can't." Grimoire smiled.

"I'm gonna do it." Vinny nodded. "I'm gonna get married!"

"Yes, you are." Grimoire handed him his tuxedo. "And we'd better hurry. The ceremony starts soon."

In a matter of seconds, Vinny had changed into his tux. Wiping out a comb, his fixed his mane.

"All set." He grinned.

"Good, because we have less than half an hour to get to the chapel before the ceremony begins." Grimoire pointed out.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Vinny asked. "Let's get going!"

The two stallions rushed over to the chapel, arriving at the altar with seconds to spare.

"Guys, you made it!" Caboose grinned.

"Finally!" Murray chuckled.

"Thank Faust." Salt frowned. "Another minute, and we were going to start singing 'that' song again..."

"You know you guys love it." Caboose chuckled. "Remember when we sang it at my wedding?"

"I'd rather forget..." Lars scowled.

"Thanks a lot for the drama, Vinny." Slot scowled. "Didn't totally freak us out or anything."

"I guess I deserved that." Vinny sighed. "Sorry, guys. I needed to get my head on straight. Luckily, Grim was on hoof to help with that."

"As long as you came, I suppose it doesn't matter." Lars shrugged.

"Quick, take your places!" Sonny urged. "They're coming!"

Vinny and Grimoire stood in place as Berry and the mares came into the room. May served as the mare of honor, while the others acted as bridesmaids. The attendants (mostly family members and close friends) turned and gazed in wonder. Berry was wearing a glorious ivory dress, fresh from Canterlot Boutique (Sassy Saddles had given her quite a deal), with the other mares wearing pale pink.

"Wow..." Vinny gasped, as her impending wife came closer. Her beauty, he thought, put Honey's to shame. He knew without a doubt that this was the mare he was meant to be with.

"Hi." Berry smiled, as she took her place beside him.

"Hi..." Vinny sighed.

As a favor to Caboose, Fletcher had agreed to officiate the ceremony, his rank as Captain of the Royal Guard granting him the power to make it official. The chapel's resident preacher fallen ill days before, so Caboose had suggested Fletcher at the last minute. Murray was understandably confused about how it is that a Royal Guard Captain can officiate a wedding.

"All Captains can do that!" Caboose had answered. "Boat captains, airship captains, Guard Captains... even captains of the local hoofball team! Don't you know anything about weddings?"

Murray has chosen to leave it at that. Fletcher's own fiancée, Dove, smiled at him from the pews.

"We are gathered here today to join these two ponies in the bonds of matrimony." Fletcher announced. "The couple have written their own vows, which takes a little of the pressure off me..."

"Berry, you are the most amazing mare I've ever met." Vinny smiled. "Sometimes, I feel like I'm not good enough for you. You gave me your heart, and the least I can do in return is give you my eternal devotion."

"Vinny, you changed my life in so many ways." Berry announced. "Before I met you, I was just a regular Ponyville gal. You introduced to a whole new world. You brought me to Canterlot, opened my eyes to so many new and exciting things. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the one who isn't good enough for you. I guess we're even more alike than we thought. The day you proposed was like a wonderful dream. But this is reality, and I'm loving every minute."

"Do you, Vandal Napoleon, take Berry Punch to be your lawful wedded wife?" Fletcher asked.

"I do." Vinny nodded.

"And do you, Berry Punch, take Vandal Napoleon to be your lawful wedded husband?" Fletcher continued.

"I do." Berry grinned.

"Then, by the power invested in me by Princess Celestia, I now pronounce you stallion and wife." Fletcher smiled, as the couple exchanged rings. "You may kiss the bride."

Vinny and Berry kissed each other passionately.

"Atta boy, partner!" Blue called.

"Woo, yeah!" Murray cheered.

"That's it, Berry!" May grinned.

"You go, Vin!" Salt beamed.

"So beautiful!" Redheart declared.

"Congratulations!" Lars added.

"Hooray!" Lyra whooped

"Such a beautiful couple!" Sonny wept.

"Easy there, sweetie." Bon-Bon passed him a tissue.

"'Bout time, you guys!" Slot joked.

"Knock it off, Slot." Vinyl chuckled.

"Just kiddin'." Slot snorted.

"Yeah, we know." Octavia smirked.

"Mazel tov!" Caboose called.

"I... what he said!" Daring applauded.

"They are indeed a lovely pair." Zecora admitted. "A handsome stallion, and his wife so fair."

"Well done, Vinny." Grimoire smiled. "Well done..."

Vinny and Berry walked down the aisle, side by side. All Vinny's worries had vanished, replaced by joy, and hope for the future he and Berry would share together.

'And so, the last of my brothers settled down with his true love. I won't mind admitting that I was worried for a while, but deep down, I knew Vinny would follow his heart. After a wild and rowdy reception, he and Berry had their honeymoon over in Haywaii. And according to Berry, Vinny didn't so much as glance at another mare. And every night, he made sure to make her feel extra special. Now there's commitment for you.'

Back at the mansion, Grimoire finished reading out the final draft to Vinny (omitting the parts at the beginning about the Prancington's).

"So, what do you think?" Grimoire smiled.

"Awesome stuff, Grim." Vinny grinned. "You really got a gift for this sort of stuff."

"Thanks, Vin." Grimoire smiled.

"I should be thanking you." Vinny told him. "The chapter wouldn't have such a happy ending if you didn't talk some sense into me."

"No problem." Grimoire nodded. "That's what brothers are for."

"Anyway, this book of yours is really coming along." Vinny declared. "A regular masterpiece."

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that." Grimoire said humbly.

"Oh, right." Grimoire grinned.

Just then, the phone rang.

"Hang on." Grimoire told Vinny. "I'll be right back."

Grimoire went into the next room and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He asked. "Napoleon residence."

"Ah, Mr Napoleon." A familiar voice declared. "This is Dr Stable. Just checking in to see how everything's going."

Meanwhile, Vinny, giving in to curiosity, slipped into another room and picked up a second phone, listening in on the conversation.

"Things aren't going as well as you may think, to be honest." Grimoire declared. "I'm starting to really lose it. Don't think you can up the dosage on the meds, can you?"

'Meds?' Vinny thought. 'What's wrong with Grim?'

"I'm sorry, Mr Napoleon, but you are already on the maximum safe dosage." Dr Stable replied. "To give you any more could do even more damage than the Prancington's."

'Prancington's?' Vinny went numb with shock. 'No. This can't be happening. Not like it did with dad...'

"Okay, fine." Grimoire barely reined in his temper. "I'll be in on Monday to collect my refill."

"Until then, Mr Napoleon." Dr Stable declared, before hanging up.

Vinny put down his own receiver and rushed back into the study, just before Grimoire came back.

"Who was on the phone?" He asked.

"Just some lousy salespony." Grimoire lied. "Asked if I wanted to buy some quills that can work underwater. As if, right?"

"Yeah, right..." Vinny fake-chuckled. 'Oh, Grim. I'm so sorry...' He thought. 'Why didn't you tell us? Why?'

Vinny's question went unasked, as he and Grimoire talked a little more about the book. When Vinny left, the horrible truth still raced through his head.

'Poor Grim.' He mused. 'Why did you decide to suffer through this alone? We're brothers, remember? And brothers look out for each other...'

Ladies' Night

'As bad as my condition is getting for me, there's another pony who has it worse: Mom. Good old Bonnie Napoleon, our family's faithful matriarch. I know it has been a rather long time since I talked about her. And just for the record, no, she is not dead... at least... she wasn't. Ever since she left for that retirement home for old mafia matriarchs (and yes, that is a thing), we hadn't seen much of her. She would pop up randomly from time to time to visit, usually on birthdays. But then came the day that Caboose got married. The moment she realized that her baby boy was finally marrying and we had found new marefriends, Bonnie began checking up on us more frequently, determined to make sure that we were treating them right and vice versa. While some of us did find it a bit intrusive, this was our mother.'

'Fortunately, we seemed to have done right by her, each of us marrying our mares. And surprisingly, she was rather receptive towards Slot's marrying of two mares... unfortunately, this lead her to cracking several uncomfortable jokes about them making a "Slot sandwich", and claiming to brag to her roommates about one of her boys getting "two for the price of one". Nonetheless, she loved every one of them, not to mention she was beyond all reason ecstatic at the grandfoals the others had provided her. She encouraged Hurricane's wild and wacky attitude (saying it reminded her of a young Caboose), absolutely doted after Michael (thinking he was the sweetest foal around), and loved playing cards with Pureblood and Vito (or the "twin angels" as she called them). She hadn't spent much time with Lightning, but she loved to hold the little filly in her hooves.'

'I am happy to see her happy... she had been through a lot in her lifetime, and I know it wasn't easy, especially after Pa had died. But in spite of that, she was always there for me and my brothers, and we like to think she always would be. But alas, even the best of ponies can't fight the ravages of time. She's in her eighties now, and, to be brutally honest, growing more and more decrepit. Though she'd never admit it; She still tries to be as active as she was when she was young. Aside from the occasional slipped disk or broken hip, that attitude had actually served her well. Unfortunately, not even she could withstand the hooves of time... but she wasn't going to let the Grim Reaper take her yet...this is the haunting ballad I like to call...'

Chapter Thirty-One: Ladies' Night

'After the Crystal Sun incident, Mom would regulary make visits to the new manor, making time for me, my brothers, our wives, and our kids. It was on one occasion, when we were all together, that she made an unusual request...'

The Napoleons and their wives had gathered in Grimoire's mansion. While the brothers were in the study, talking business, the mares were in the living room, looking at the Napoleon family photo album.

"Wow, check out Vinny back in the day." Berry admired a photo of her husband as a young adult. "He was even hunkier than he is right now!"

"Salt was hunkier." Redheart sighed.

"Murray was no slouch either." May smiled.

"Look at that cute dopey smile on Caboose's face." Daring cooed. "Nice to see some things haven't changed..."

"Sonny sure hasn't." Bon-Bon grinned. "He looks just as cute now as he did back then."

"As for Slot... look at that mane." Octavia gaped, the Slot in the picture wearing a wild mullet.

"I remember when that used to be in style." Vinyl nodded. "Of course, 'style' may not be the right word..."

"And Lars..." Lyra took note of his stern face. "Always so serious..."

"Ah, to see my Grim in his heyday." Zecora sayed. "Not a bad sight, I must say..."

"Hello, ladies."

The mares looked up to see none other than Bonnie entering the room. Her once smooth face sported several wrinkles, and she utilized a cane to walk with.

"Having fun?" Bonnie smiled.

"Bonnie, hello to you." Zecora grinned. "How do you do?"

"As well as you can expect from a gal nearing ninety." Bonnie shrugged.

"You're still quite spry for a lady your age." May declared.

"That's right." Redheart agreed. "As a physician, I can safely say you've aged remarkably well."

"I can only hope I look half that good when I'm your age." Berry chuckled.

"What's your secret?" Lyra asked.

"I don't really have a secret." Bonnie admitted. "Guess I'm just lucky."

"I'm guessing a good diet is part of it." Bon-Bon declared.

"And staying active." Daring added.

"Whatever it is, we're just glad you stayed around long enough for us to meet you." Vinyl declared.

"Things wouldn't be the same around here without." Octavia agreed.

"So, you girls are looking through some old memories, eh?" Bonnie mused as she picked up a picture.

"Oh, yeah." Vinyl smiled. "Did you really let Slot walk around looking like that?"

"Barely." Bonnie snickered. "The boy avoided scissors like the plague. I was tempted to just cut that thing off in his sleep, but in the end, I decided to let him grow out of it. It only took six months..."

"Yes, Slot can be a stubborn stallion when he wants to." Octavia admitted. "He was still cute though."

"They all were." May admitted.

"If only we could have met them back then." Redheart declared.

"Just look at how far they've come since then." Daring smiled.

"Yeah, they went through so much." Berry admitted.

"Hardship..." Lyra declared.

"Strife..." Bon-Bon continued. "And don't forget all that trouble with Red Eclipse."

"But they came through it all together." Octavia smiled, looking at a more recent photo.

"And now look where they are." Vinyl grinned.

"They truely have risen above the crowd." Zecora declared. "Bonnie, you must be so very proud."

"I am." Bonnie smiled. "They've all grown up into fine stallions. Not to mention got themselves some wonderful wives."

"Oh, stop." Bon-Bon gushed.

"I mean it." Bonnie smiled. "I couldn't have hoped for my boys to marry such fine, compassionate, talented and understanding mares. And so beautiful, too... Angelic, you might say."

"...Okay, what's going on?" Lyra frowned.

"What do you mean?" Bonnie asked.

"You're a nice mare, Bonnie." Octavia noted. "But you're never this nice."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Bonnie said nervously.

"You want to ask a favor, don't you?" Daring smirked. "That's why you're buttering us up like this."

"Oh, that's ridiculous." Bonnie laughed airily.

"As a former politician, I know a bluff when I hear one." May smirked.

"That is so very true." Zecora agreed. "Tell us this favor, why don't you?"

"...Okay, here it is." Bonnie declared. "I need your help, ladies."

"With what?" Berry asked.

Bonnie quickly edged over to the door, making sure that the boys couldn't hear them, then closed the windows and drew the curtains.

"I need your help... with him." Bonnie pulled out a picture, clearly taken from a spy camera. The image was of a stout old Unicorn stallion (not as old as Bonnie, but older than Grimoire), in a black suit and hat. He had a slate-covered coat, graying black mane, brown eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a fedora.

"And who is 'him' exactly?" Daring inquired.

"That would be Al Capony." Bonnie frowned, "A long time ago, before I married the boys' father, he was this cocky little upstart enforcer from the Black Hooves Mob in Germaney. The Clopellis never got along well with the Black Hooves, and this guy really made things difficult for us. However, one day, he got lucky, and managed to put a bolt right between my dear uncle Dagger's eyes."

"That's horrible." Daring frowned.

"Yes." Bonnie slightly growled, "Dagger was very dear to me. So I made it my mission to avenge him. Shortly after marrying Clyde, when I didn't want to kill him, I had taken a few of his men aside and have them keep a all-day , all-year vigil for this runt. However, each time he pop up, he disappeared. Nowadays, I hear that he gone into hiding, and had taken control of the Black Hooves Mob. To this day, the agents I chosen to find him could never catch him."

"Not to sound insensitive, but I fail to see what this has to do with us." Redheart declared.

"Well, as you can see from this picture, an agent finally found him over in Whinneyapolis." Bonnie declared, "Unfortunately, he's heavily guarded, and he and his stallions know all of the agents under our employment, so I can't send any of them without risking their safety or Capony getting away again. That is why I need all of you."

"Come again?" May frowned.

"Are you asking us to help you?" Bon-Bon raised a brow. "Why?"

"Capony is an infamous chauvinist." Bonnie revealed. "He has a very old-fashioned opinion when it comes to mares, something he's taken care to impress on his flunkies. They are so sexist that they'll never consider a group of mares like us to be a threat."

"You want us to infiltrate the lair of a mob boss, and help you take him down?" Redheart gaped. "Are you serious?"

"Just because we're married to former mobsters doesn't mean we know how to act like them." Lyra frowned.

"Yeah!" Berry nodded. "What, you want us to help you make Capony sleep with the porpoises?"

"That's 'sleep with the fishes'." Daring pointed out.

"Exactly my point!" Berry declared.

"And it's a good one." Octavia agreed.

"We can't be sure we can do this." Vinyl declared.

"Then this is your chance to find out." Bonnie smiled. "Think of this as a family bonding experience. Just a girl's night out, a mother and her nine daughter-in-laws."

"A night out that could end very badly." Bon-Bon pointed out.

"Surely, you've been in worse scrapes than that." Bonnie declared.

"No, we haven't." Vinyl snorted. "The worse situation any of us were in was when Caboose warped May's offfice onto the side of the cliff."

"What?" Octavia frowned.

"Long story." May grimaced.

"Well, I don't know about you girls, but I see no harm in it. Wouldn't be the first time I tangled with bad guys." Daring shrugged.

"Um, you're a mare that fought with some... whatever Ahuizotl was supposed be for like, twenty years." Berry Punch groaned.

"Come on, girls, please." Bonnie urged. "I need to do this. I can't pass up the chance to have closure, at long last. To finally avenge my dear uncle Dagger, and make sure that monster never hurts anypony else. I'm an old mare, with not much time left for this world. I might not ever get another chance."

Bonnie bowed her head in sorrow. The others looked at each other, and came to a decision.

"Okay." May nodded. "We'll do it. We'll help you."

"You will?" Bonnie smiled.

"Of course we will." Zecora nodded. "Now, we have a stallion to kill."

"But... what about our husbands?" Redheart asked.

"Yeah, I doubt Grim will allow Zecora to go on a hit with a nine month-long bun cooking in the oven." Lyra pointed out.

"And Murray and Sonny would go ballistic if either me or May go." Bon Bon frowned.

"Don't you worry about that." Bonnie grinned, "I already let them know that I am going to be taking you ladies out to Whinneyapolis for a night out on the town. They will be none the wiser."

"And you are sure of that?" Octavia raised a brow.

"Of course. I raised each of those boys from little foals. I always found some way of talking them into something... usually involving bribes." Bonnie boasted.

"Well, that is comforting." Bon-Bon frowned. "Now we have to worry about a old don and possibly hundred of goons with knives and crossbows.

"Make that about a dozen stallions." Bonnie declared. "The Black Hooves Mob is on its last legs. Capony's old-fashioned views have been running their business into the ground for years. There's hardly even that many of them left."

"You couldn't have told us that sooner?" Octavia asked.

"I wanted to know if you could commit to my request, no matter how difficult it seemed." Bonnie smiled. "The truth is... it would have been very easy to have Grim's boys head over there and kill them all easily, but like I said, this is personal. When Capony dies, I want to be there to see it."

"You wiley old mare..." Lyra shook her head with a grin.

"And proud of it." Bonnie nodded. "Now, I'll let you have a day or two to prepare, and we'll be off."

"Roger that." May nodded.

"Prepare yourselves." Bonnie chuckled. "It's going to be quite a trip..."

"Well, how about that?" Redheart smiled. "Looks like we're going on an adventure."

"All those years without any adventures, and suddenly I get two, just like that." Daring grinned. "Must be my lucky year..."

After taking the time to gather up some essentials (aided by their husbands, who were kept in the dark), the mares were ready to set off. Their husbands were sharing goodbyes.

"Have fun out there, 'Cora." Grimoire smiled.

"I shall, my dear." Zecora smiled. "But not as much as I can when you are near."

"See you soon, babe." Murray told May.

"Not soon enough." May smirked.

"I'm missing you already." Salt told Redheart.

"Thanks, sweetie." Redheart beamed.

"Try not to drink too much... just kiddin!" Vinny joked.

"Oh, you." Berry giggled.

"Have a most enjoyable expedition." Lars urged.

"Indubitably." Lyra chuckled.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Sonny told Bon-Bon.

"You got it." Bon-Bon smiled.

"How about a couple of goodbye kisses?" Slot asked Vinyl and Octavia.

"Go for it." Vinyl smirked.

"Like you even have to ask..." Octavia smirked.

"Don't be gone too long, okay?" Caboose embraced Daring.

"Oh, honey..." Daring cooed. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Okay girls, it's time we were off." Bonnie declared. "We have a schedule to keep, you know."

"You girls have fun." Grimoire smiled. "Try to take easy, mom..."

"Not a chance." Bonnie joked. "Don't wait up!"

The mares gathered into their extra-large carriage, big enough to carry them all (and pulled by six Pegasi).

"To Whinnyapolis!" Bonnie ordered.

"Yes, ma'am!" The Pegasi chorused.

The carriage was pulled into the sky. The brothers waved their loved ones off as they steadily vanished into the sky.

"So, there they go." Lars sighed.

"Yeah." Sonny nodded. "All our favorite ladies, off on a fun night out."

"Let's hope they don't overdo it." Murray declared.

"Not Berry." Vinny chuckled. "Trust me, you don't know how much she can drink..."

"And Daring's really tough." Caboose smiled. "One night out, she ate a whole tray of extra spicey nachos!"

"Yeah, have a little faith in them." Salt urged. "They can handle anything."

"Sure." Slot nodded. "They're our girls, aren't they?"

"Exactly." Grimoire smiled. "And while the mares are away, the stallions are going to have a little guy time."

"That's what I'm talking about." Murray grinned. "Let's just hang out together, like the old days."

"Sounds good to me." Slot nodded. "how about you, Vin?"

"Yeah, sure..." Vinny nodded. He was still thinking about what he had overheard recently. The knowledge of Grimoire's condition was slowly eating away at him...

"Something wrong, Vinny?" Grimoire asked.

"You tell me." Vinny frowned.

"Come on, Vin!" Caboose put him in a friendly headlock. "Let's have some fun!"

"Okay, sure!" Vinny gagged. "Just quit choking me!"

"Let's get inside." Sonny smiled. "I'll make us up some of my famous nachos."

"Yum." Murray licked his lips.

As the brothers walked back to the mansion, Vinny kept on thinking about Grimoire.

'I can't just tell the others Grim' got Prancingson's.' He thought. 'Grim'd never forgive me. I gotta get him to confess. And I think I know how...'

As the brothers (except for Sonny, who headed to the kitchen) entered the study, Oakley greeted them, barking happily.

"Hey, how's it going, mossface?" Salt playfully razzed the Timberwolf.

"So, how should we kick off our guy's night out?" Lars asked.

"Maybe a movie?" Caboose suggested.

"How about putting on some tunes?" Salt suggested.

"Anything you guys want." Grimoire smiled.

"Hey guys, how about we play a little truth or dare?" Vinny smiled.

"Oh, yeah!" Caboose whooped.

"Isn't that a mare's game?" Slot snorted.

"...No." Vinny said bluntly. "Now, who wants to go first? How about you, Grim?"

"Okay." Grimoire nodded. "...Truth."

'Perfect.' Vinny thought. "My question is this: How are you feeling today?"

"What kind of question is that?" Murray frowned.

"Please answer." Vinny declared.

"Well, aside from a slight headache this morning, I'm feeling pretty good." Grimoire admitted.

"Really?" Vinny asked, a tad deflated. "No... maladies, or unusual medical problems?"

"For somepony of my age, such things are expected." Grimoire shrugged. "And I'm dealing with them as best I can."

Vinny scowled inwardly.

'Of course.' He thought. 'Grim always was good at being vague with the truth...'

"Okay, my turn!" Caboose yelled. "Slot, truth or dare?"

"Dare me, bro." Slot smirked.

"Jam this stick up your butthole!" Caboose held up a long, pointy stick.

"What?!" Slot spluttered. "No way!"

"You know the rules, bro." Salt smirked. "You have to do it."

"Make sure to get it in there, nice and deep." Lars smirked.

"Where'd you even get that, anyway?" Sonny asked Caboose.

"Oh, y'know." Caboose shrugged. "Nowhere..." He passed the stick to Slot. "You're up, bro."

"...I really hate this game." Slot cringed.

A short while later, after the nachos were done (and Slot had extracted the stick from his backside), the brothers eagerly ate the chips, while also enjoying Vinny's wine.

"Ah, this is the life." Murray smiled. "Just us guys, hanging out, relaxing..."

"While our mom and wives go out to paint the town red..." Caboose chuckled.

"Yep." Salt nodded. "Same old, same old."

"More wine, Grim?" Vinny offered.

"Yeah, why not?" Grimoire smiled, holding out his empty glass.

"Here ya go." Vinny smiled. His new plan was to get Grimoire drunk enough to blurt out the truth about his condition. "Plenty more where that came from..."

Meanwhile, the mares landed in Whinneyapolis. After landing, Bonnie escorted them to their new carriage; A large golden vehicle, pulled by two burly buffalo.

"Here's our ride." She smiled.

"Pretty fancy." Daring noted the extravagance of the carriage.

"I thought we might like to travel in style." Bonnie grinned.

"It's the only way I travel." Octavia grinned.

"So, where exactly is this Capony guy hiding?" Berry asked, as they all got into the carriage.

"In a gated community on the other side of the city." Bonnie revealed. "It's supposed to have been open to the public by now, but Capony's using the last of his connections to keep it shut, so he and his minions can use it as a nice, big hiding place."

"Smart thinking." Lyra nodded. "But not smart enough."

"Let's go, boys!" Bonnie declared.

Nodding, the Buffalo pulled the carriage away.

Back in Ponyville, the wine was starting to get to Grimoire.

"Boy, we had some good times, huh?" He smiled. "Back in the day?"

"No kiddin'." Murray hiccupped. "Where'd all the time go?"

"Search me." Salt shrugged.

"Time, time, time to get a new watch!" Caboose giggled, tipsy.

"You know, I'm getting the oddest urge to tell you guys something I've been hiding." Grimoire declared. "Something I've been keeping from you."

"Yes?" Vinny asked hopefully.

"I recently learned something..." Grimoire declared. "I have contracted..."

"Yes?" Vinny urged.

"Clog dancing fever!" Grimoire whooped.

"What?!" Vinny gaped.

"It's true!" Grimoire chuckled. "I saw a bunch of ponies dancing in the town square with those wooden shoes, and I just loved!"

"Oh-ho, that is so weird!" Slot snorted.

"Isn't that the nuttiest thing, Vinny?" Sonny asked.

"Oh, yeah." Vinny nodded. "Nutty..."

Back in Whinnyapolis, the mares' carriage stopped a short ways away from the gated community, Bonnie surmising that it would be guarded, and they didn't want to announce themselves. Sticking to some nearby bushes, they snuck up to the front gate, finding that a stern-looking stallion was indeed guarding it.

"Okay, this is it." Bonnie declared. "No turning back now."

"None of us will even think of turning back." Zecora declared. "Now, who wants first crack?"

"I've got this one." May declared. She pulled out a rubber strap, placed a nearby rock in it, then swung it around, finally letting it go. The rock struck the guard right in the head, knocking him out.

"Nice shot." Bonnie smirked. "I'm guessing Murray taught you a few things?"

"You could say that." May nodded. "Now, let's keep moving."

The mares slipped into the building. They stalked quietly through the corridors, keeping an eye out for guards.

"Here's another one." Bonnie noted.

"Leave him to me." Zecora urged, pulling out a small pouch. "I have a gift for him, one for free."

Zecora threw the pouch. The second it hit the floor, it burst open, releasing a green gas that enveloped the guard.

"What the..." He gagged, before collapsing.

"Whoa, what was that?" Berry smirked.

"A little something I did brew." Zecora remarked. "It helps deal with bad juju."

As they continued on their path, they scouted out the area, and counted five guards (one of whom was much bigger and brawnier than the others) protecting five houses.

"Okay, this... complicates things." Bonnie noted. "Capony is in one of those houses..."

"We'll just have to split up, deal with a guard each, and search the houses." Redheart declared.

"Me and 'Tavi'll take the big one." Vinyl declared.

"You girls stick with Bonnie." Daring told Zecora, May and Lyra. "If there's trouble, you can jump in and help."

"You got it." Lyra nodded.

"Okay, girls." Berry smirked. "Let's show these chauvinist pigs what a bunch of mares can do."

The mares split up, sticking to the shadows as they approached their targets. Bon-Bon reached hers first.

"Hello there." She said pleasantly, as she approached him.

"What the buck do you want?" The guard asked menacingly.

"Oh, don't be like that." Bon-Bon smiled. "I'm just going door to door, offering samples of my delcious cupcakes."

Bon-Bon pulled out a plastic bag filled with the confectionaries.

"Cupcakes, huh?" The guard smiled.

"That's right." Bon-Bon nodded. "Care to try one?"

"I really shouldn't..." The guard frowned. "The boss'd have my flank... but I suppose one wouldn't hurt."

"That's the spirit." Bon-Bon smiled.

The guard picked a cupcake out, and took a bite out of it.

"Mmm... not bad." He smiled. "Frosting, whipped cream... and some other flavour I can't quite-" He suddenly collapsed.

"That would be the sedatives." Bon-Bon smirked.

As Bon-Bon searched the house, Redheart approached another guard. She pulled out a map.

"Excuse me, but I think I'm lost." She declared. "Could you help me?"

"Heh, ditzy mares." The guard smirked. "The boss was right. You can't read maps to save your lives."

"Yes, I'm ever so helpless without a big, strong stallion to help me." Redheart tittered. "I just need to find the train station."

"Well, see, the town hall is there." The stallion pointed. "And there's the Whinneyhaha Falls... So the train station is right over there."

"Thank you so much." Redheart took his hoof and held it in her own. "You're a lifesaver."

"Hey, that's what stallions are..." The guard started feeling woozy. "F... for..." He collapsed also.

"Stallions like you, that is." Redheart smirked, removing the tiny needle she had hidden in her hoof, which contained a powerful anaesthetic.

Vinyl and Octavia approached the hulking stallion.

"What are you gals doin' here?" The stallion growled. "This ain't no knittin' circle, ya know."

"Not our style." Octavia snorted. "We're more into musical entertainment."

"Perhaps you'd like to hear some?" Vinyl offered. "We couldn't help but notice you looked a little bored. Some tunes could liven things up."

"...Okay, sure." The stallion shrugged. "Just make it quick."

"Listen to this." Octavia passed him some headphones.

The stallion slipped the headphones on, a jaunty tune emerging from them.

"Hey, not bad." He smiled.

"Wait for it..." Octavia smirked.

Suddenly, a screeching sound replaced the mellow tunes, deafening the stallion.

"Ah!" He threw off the headphones. "What are you tryin' to-?"

"Say cheese!" Vinyl held up a strobe light, blinding the stallion.

"My eyes!" The stallion groaned.

"Worry more about your face!" Octavia declared, as she and Vinyl both punched him, knocking him out.

Daring, taking a moment to don her old A.K. Yearling disguise, walked over to her target, carrying a clipboard.

"Pardon me, sir." She declared. "I'm the safety inspector."

"Get lost." The stallion snorted. "We don't need no safety inspector. This place is plenty safe."

"Oh, really?" Daring asked. "Because it looks to me like all sorts of accidents could happen." She pointed to one of the house's windows. "Take this window, for example. All sorts of trouble could happen there."

"Like what?" The stallion asked, turning to look.

"Like this!" Daring pulled a club out from under the clipboard, and struck the stallion in the head, knocking him out. "You see? Unsafe."

"Hey, good lookin'." Berry sauntered over to her target.

"Hey yourself." The stallion smirked. "What brings you out here?"

"Just looking for some fun." Berry smiled. "And I think I just found it."

"You sure did." The stallion.

Without warning, Berry punched him in the stomach.

"Ugghhhh!" The stallion collapsed.

"There, wasn't that fun?" Berry smirked.

After getting past the guards, the mares searched each house, finding only illegal and stolen goods.

"No luck there." Redheart shrugged.

"Nice move, Berry." Lyra smiled.

"Thanks." Berry grinned. "It's a little something Vinny taught me. He calls it the 'kidney crusher'."

"Only one house left." Lyra noted. "Mind if I do the honors?"

"Be my guest." Bonnie nodded.

Lyra walked over to the guard.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" The guard asked. "You lost, little lady?"

"Actually, I've got a riddle for you, mister." Lyra declared. "One you'll never be able to answer."

"We'll see about that." The stallion smirked. "No riddle a mare could come up with could stump me. Fire away."

"Okay then." Lyra grinned. "Here goes... What gets wetter as it dries?"

"Wetter as it dries..." The stallion mused. "Hmmm..."

As the stallion fell into deep thought, the other mares slipped past him, Vinyl using her magic to open the door silently. Lyra brought up the rear.

'Works every time...' She thought.

"Wait... a towel!" The stallion realised. "Take that, missy!" As he looked around, he saw that Lyra was gone, and the door he was supposed to be guarding was wide open. "Hey, wait a minute. I've been had!" He made to run after them, but tripped on a loose piece of carpet, knocking himself out.

Inside the final house, the mares rushed into the living room, finally coming face-to-face with Capony.

"What the-?!" Capony spluttered. "What the buck is this?"

"Al Capony." Bonnie stepped forward. "Remember me?"

"Why should I-" Capony stopped in his tracks, as he slowly realised. "Oh no..."

"That's right." Bonnie nodded. "Bonnie Napoleon. Formerly Bonnie Clopelli, niece of Dagger. The stallion you killed. I'm here to finally settle the score."

"Aw, c'mon." Capony said nervously. "You're not still holding a grudge over that, are ya? That was a lifetime ago!"

"Yes." My lifetime." Bonnie scowled. "I've been waiting all these years for this chance. You are finally going to pay for what you've done."

"You're gonna make me pay?" Capony sneered. "You and the lady league?"

"That's the plan." Bonnie nodded.

"Well... nyah!" Capony yelled.

Capony made to punch her, but she caught the blow with her walking stick, then flung him across the room.

"It's a good plan, isn't it?" Bonnie smirked.

As he got up, Capony realised he was in trouble. Using his horn, he blasted out the house's window.

"So long, ladies!" He waved, before leaping outside.

"Not this time." Bonnie scowled. "After him!"

The mares chased after Capony as he fled the community. After passing through the back gate, he leapt into a carriage, a stallion already reined in.

"Go, go, go!" He yelled at the stallion in the reins.

"Yes, sir!" The stallion started to run.

The mares emerged as the carriage was pulled away.

"He's getting away!" Bonnie yelled.

"No, he's not!" Daring pointed to an empty carriage.

Daring, Bon-Bon, May and Redheart slipped into the reins. As Earth Ponies (and a Pegasi), they had enough strength to pull the others.

"Here we go!" Daring yelled, as they moved into pursuit.

"We're losing him!" Berry yelled.

"How about a boost?" Lyra's horn lit up, her magic helping to push the carriage along.

"Count me in!" Vinyl smiled, adding her magic to the mix.

"Now that's the stuff!" May smiled, as they sped up.

It was a determined chase. Though the mare's had speed on their side, Capony's carriage was lighter, and the stallion knew the roads better. As his persuers drew nearer, Capony had an idea.

"Slow down!" He told the stallion.

"Sir?" The stallion frowned.

"Just do it!" Capony urged.

The stallion obeyed, slowing down considerably.

"Look out!" Bonnie yelped, as they were seconds from collision.

"Turn!" Daring yelped.

The mares pulled the carriage to one side, running up a dirt road that led up a hill.

"Get moving!" Capony yelled.

"Yes, sir!" The stallion started running again.

"He's not getting away that easily." May growled.

"How do we catch him now?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Follow the road." Lyra pointed. "We'll have our chance soon enough."

"You heard the mare!" Octavia urged.

The mares kept on running, following the road.

"Please don't dead end..." Bonnie muttered. "Please don't dead end..."

The other mares joined her, all saying "Please don't dead end..." in unison.

As they neared a turn, they saw Capony's carriage on the road below.

"There the motherbucker is!" Vinyl pointed. "Go, go, go!"

"Get 'im, get 'im, get 'im!" Daring urged.

Down below, Capony, believing he had evaded his pursuers, breathed a sigh of relief, then cackled madly. Just then, the mares' carriage came in from a turn leading from the dirt road.

"Now!" May yelled.

The mares swerved, slamming the side of their carriage into the back of Capony's own. Capony's carriage was sent flying into the air, spinning end over end as it crashed back onto the road, eventually landing right side up... right on top of Capony.

The mares advanced on the wreck. Capony had been badly hurt by the crash. The stallion pulling the carriage was scraped, scratched and unconscious, but otherwise unharmed.

"Help me!" He screamed out to all and sundry, one leg bleeding profusely.

"Sure." May glared. "Whatever you say."

The mares pulled Capony out of the wreck.

"Careful, one of my legs is broken- Ahh!" He yelled, as they removed him from the wreck, and stood him up.

"No... please..." Capony wheezed. "Don't..."

"You had to know this day was coming." Bonnie said coldly. "This is for my uncle Dagger, and all the others you harmed, monster! Ladies, shall we?"

As one, the mares started beating on Capony, pounding what little life was left out of him. Blow after blow rained on the merciless crime boss. One punch sent him right into another, and another. After a brutal beating, Bonnie kicked him hard in the face, and bringing him down. As he lay on the ground, helpless, she dealt the finishing blow, bringing her hoof down hard on his head.

"...We did it." May said breathlessly. "We actually did it!"

"We brought down a big-time crime lord with nothing but our bare hooves." Berry smiled. "Not bad for a bunch of mares, huh?"

"Not bad?" Daring smirked. "It was awesome!"

"Quite a rush, I'll admit." Lyra nodded.

"I'm starting to understand why the guys did that kind of stuff." Bon-Bon added.

"A tad uncouth, but satisfying." Octavia noted.

"Yeah, we gave that slime what he deserved." Vinyl nodded.

"That fiend is no more." Zecora agreed. "We put an end to that oafish bore."

"Ah, it's been so long since I've had this kind of excitement." Bonnie said, still short of breath. "Glad I got to enjoy it one last time..."

The mares returned to the mansion, the boys there to greet them.

"How was your trip?" Grimoire asked Zecora.

"It was... exciting." Zecora admitted. "But compared to seeing you again, it is nothing."

"I missed you like crazy." Murray hugged May.

"Same here." May grinned.

"Good to have you back, babe." Salt smiled.

"It's good to be back." Redheart beamed.

"So, how wild was your trip?" Vinny asked Berry.

"You wouldn't belive how wild." Berry chuckled.

"Seeing you again sets my soul into rapture." Lars told Lyra.

"Boy, I've missed those big words." Lyra kissed him.

"The second we get home, I'm baking you your favorite cake." Sonny told Bon-Bon.

"It won't be sweet as you, though." Bon-Bon hugged him.

"Miss me, girls?" Slot smirked, as both his wives embraced him.

"You bet." Vinyl kissed his cheek.

"Like crazy." Octavia kissed his other cheek.

"Please don't leave again." Caboose begged Daring. "I can't stand it."

"Neither can I." Daring nuzzled him.

"Now that's what I like to see." Bonnie sighed. "My boys, with the mares they're meant to be with."

That night, Grimoire entered the lounge, where Bonnie was sitting in a chair.

"Hi, mom." He smiled.

"What is it, mom?" Grimoire asked.

"Grim, I know you have Prancingson's Disease." Bonnie declared.

"What?!" Grimoire gaped. "No, I don't..."

"You think I don't recognise the symptoms?" Bonnie asked. "Clyde had it, remember? Clyde think I would had never found out before he died... well, I wasn't born yesterday."

"I... it's true." Grimoire sighed. "I'm running out of time. "It's not fair. There was so much I still wanted to do. I'm trying so hard to hang on, if only so I can see my foal be born. But if I can't? What if I''m already on the way out?"

"Then use what little time you have left." Bonnie urged. "Live it up. Have fun. Cherish what you have. Don't wallow in despair. Just enjoy yourself while you can. Be a simple kind of stallion... can you do that for me?"

"Of course I can." Grimoire nodded. "Anything for you, mom..."

"That's my good boy..." Bonnie smiled weakly.

"You gonna be okay in here, on your own?" Grimoire asked.

"I'll be just fine." Bonnie nodded. "I just need to rest. I've seen a lot of action lately."

"You can be forgiven for being a little tired." Grimoire declared. "You're not as young as you used to be."

"No, I'm not." Bonnie sighed. "One day, I'll be gone..."

"But not someday soon." Grimoire declared. "I don't know what we'll do without you."

"You'll do just fine." Bonnie smiled. "All of you. You'll carry on without me, just as you carried on without Clyde, Faust rest his soul. Such fine, good boys..."

"Good night, mom." Grimoire nodded.

"Good night, darling." Bonnie whispered.

Grimoire left the room. Bonnie laid back in her chair.

"Time to rest..." She sighed.

Later that night, Grimoire woke up in bed, struck by a sudden urge. Taking care not to wake Zecora, he left the room, and went down to the lounge. Bonnie was still in her chair, but her head was tilted at an odd angle.

"Mom?" He asked, nudging her slightly. "Are you...?"

As he nudged her again, he noticed that her skin felt cold. He felt for a pulse, but found none.

"Mom..." Grimiore whispered.

The funeral was a private, sombre affair, just immediate family and close friends. Everypony was inconceivable, especially the foals.

"Great-grandma's really gone." Hurricane sniffed. "I can't believe it..."

"Great-grammy..." Michael wept.

"She was also so fun, and cool." Pureblood sighed.

"And now she's..." Vito choked, unable to finish the sentence.

"Goodbye, grandma..." Sandy declared, as she hugged her sons.

During the wake, the brothers were all gathered with the executor of Bonnie's will, Ink Blot, a drab Earth Pony stallion with a gray coat, black mane, silvery eyes, and an ink stain Cutie Mark.

"I'm afraid your mother didn't have very much." Ink Blot declared. "In fact, all that was in her personal effects was this note, addressed to all of you."

"Just a note?" Murray frowned.

"What does it say?" Salt asked.

Grimoire opened it.

'Dear boys,

I know you're feeling heartbroken by my passing, but this day was inevitable. Nothing lasts forever, and I have already lived a long, full life, so don't get bogged down in grief. You should keep living your lives to the full, and keep making those mares of yours happy. And no matter what happens, now that I am so very proud of you all.

You've all come so far, grown so much, and as your mother, it has been my glorious honor to help you grow. Grimoire, Murray, Salt, Vinny, Lars, Sonny, Slot and Caboose, you've all done me proud. A mother couldn't wish for better sons. Whatever happens, I know you'll keep making me proud.

Love always,
Mom.'

"Mom..." Murray sniffed.

"I'm really gonna miss her..." Salt sniffed.

"We all will." Lars agreed.

"Come on, guys." Caboose put on a brave face. "It's not like we'll never see her again. We can go to that sanctuary and talk to her spirit..."

'Not long after Vinny's wedding, Caboose had been called upon to go on an adventure, seeking out the ancient Serpent Deities, Isis and Osiris. For more information, please check the work "Project: Transcendence".'

"Seriously?" Slot frowned. "You still expect us to swallow that tripe?"

"It's true, Slot." Grimoire declared. "Caboose spoke with dad, Anarchy and Sandy. He knew things only they would speak of."

"You see?" Sonny smiled. "It's not the end. Not even close."

"Yeah, but still..." Vinny frowned. "It's not like that place is just around the corner. It's not like a quick trip to the store."

"Let's just be grateful for what time we had together." Grimoire declared. "That's what mom would want..."

After the funeral, the brothers went back to their homes, but not before pledging to take her note to heart. The mares fondly remembered the adventure they had together, and vowed to never forget it. Vinny, shaken by Bonnie's passing, decided he couldn't let them suffer the same thing with Grimoire.

'I have to tell them.' He thought. 'They need to know, before it's too late...'

'So there you have it. The final glory of our glorious matriarch. The pain of losing mom hit us all hard, but we consoled ourselves with the fact that least she would be reunited with dad at long last...'

Somewhere... beyond Equestria, Clyde Napoleon was sitting at a table in an old-style diner. Outside, it was nothing but white mist. Suddenly, the door bell rang as Bonnie emerged from the mist. Her haggard wrinkled face was no more. She looked as beautiful as she did in her prime. Clyde watched her as she sat down at his table.

"Well... you took your dear, sweet time." Clyde joked, "For a moment, I thought you planned on living forever."

"Sorry, darling." Bonnie apologised. "I still had a lot to do before I finally shuffled off my mortal coil."

"Better late then never, I always say." Clyde shrugged. "I'm just glad we're finally together again... I missed you so much."

"So did I." Bonnie placed a hoof on one of her husband's. "Ever since that day, I had hoped that someday I would see you and Anarchy and the others again."

"Yeah..." Clyde sighed. "Look, I figure I should say that... I'm sorry for not telling you about... well, my disease before I died. You shouldn't had to learn from some gramophone."

"Well, I understand why you did it." Bonnie admitted. "While I was not happy with it at first... I never knew you to simply go out with a whimper."

"Not only that." Clyde shook his head. "When I found out I was going to die... I just... I just couldn't bear the fact that you or the boys would be going on without me... It felt like I was abandoning you all... But not before I lost all my faculties, and degenerated into a drooling mess..."

"And now, our own son will have to bear that burden." Bonnie sighed. "And he has a child on the way."

"Something tells me Grim will be okay." Clyde smiled.

"How can you be sure?" Bonnie asked.

"I can't explain." Clyde shrugged. "It's just a feeling I have."

"Speaking of feelings..." Bonnie looked around. "This diner brings up some good ones."

"Yeah." Clyde nodded. "This is where we had our first date."

"And that date lead to so much more." Bonnie sighed. "Remember when Anarchy was born?"

"Boy, do I." Clyde nodded. "What about when Grim married Sandy?"

"Ah, memories..." Bonnie sighed.

'Just a smalltown girl
Born and raised in South Detrot...'

"I remember this song." Bonnie grinned. "The boys sang it at our wedding. And they sang it so lovely... They sure didn't get their singing voices from my side of the family."

"Hey, I'm sure that having a bisexual grandfather that was a part of an acapella group had no impact on how well they sang." Clyde pouted.

"Of course not." Bonnie chuckled. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to make up for lost time."

"There's no rush, though." Clyde smiled. "We have all of eternity to spend together, Bonnie. Just you and me."

"And I'm going to enjoy every second..." Bonnie beamed.

The two kissed for the first time in over thirty years, happily reunited once more.

Author's Note

"Don't Stop Believing" is the property of Journey and Columbia Records.

The Great Egg Ransom

'In all honesty, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my condition from my family forever. I was well aware that my condition would deteriorate to the point where my symptoms could no longer be hidden. But what I didn't know was that Vinny had already learned the truth, and after some thought, decideded to share it with the others. What happened next rocked the whole family, in...'

Chapter Thirty-Two: The Great Egg Ransom

'Before we begin this chapter in earnest, we must take a look back, many years ago, when my brothers and I were tasked with moving the Golden Phoenix of Immortality to the Canterlot museum (For more information, please refer to Daring's final book, Seeking Eternity)...'

The Golden Phoenix was on a wheeled platform, the brothers working together to haul it in.

"Jeez..." Slot groaned. "Why'd they have to make this thing so buckin' big?"

"Dramatic effect?" Caboose offered.

"Quit complaining." Murray growled. "Just keep pushing."

"It makes you think though, doesn't it?" Lars asked. "This golden bird can grant immortality, and they're just putting it up in a museum."

"Just imagine what it must be like to live forever." Sonny mused.

"Some of us don't have to." Salt pointed out. "Celestia and Luna, for example."

"And I doubt they'd let ponies gain the power, just willy-nilly." Salt declared.

"Heh, 'willy'..." Caboose chuckled.

"Why not?" Sonny asked. "There'd be no death, no illness..."

"And more ponies than we'd know what to do with." Grimoire declared. "Ponies shouldn't live forever. There's a natural order to things. You're born, you live, and you die. That's that."

"You're seriously saying you wouldn't want to live a nice, long life?" Murray asked.

"Long, yes." Grimoire nodded. "Eternal, no."

"Yeah, but that's you." Vinny declared. "If it were me, I'd sure want to live for as long as I could."

"And leave us to age into dust?" Grimoire asked.

"Well, I..." Vinny frowned.

"We could all use it, though." Slot suggested. "You know, before the Princesses deactivate it."

"Maybe we should seize the opportunity." Lars suggested. "All of us, immortal, making a permanent mark on the world?"

"But what about the rest of our family?" Grimoire asked. "We couldn't possibly get them all down here too. Not before it's deactivated."

"Good point." Sonny nodded. "I can't imagine outliving Dusty."

"Not to mention all our friends." Murray noted.

"Guess it's not such a good idea, after all..." Salt mused.

"What say we make a pact?" Grimoire declared. "We should all pledge to do nothing to prolong any of our lives, no matter what. Are you in?"

"Yeah, I guess." Murray shrugged.

"I'm in." Salt agreed.

"I suppose eternal life would get boring, after a while..." Lars mused.

"And I'd hate not having you guys around..." Sonny added.

"Especially since we wouldn't be able to share some wine..." Vinny nodded.

"Or have fun nights out..." Caboose declared.

"Yeah, who needs that noise?" Slot smirked.

"Then we're agreed, then?" Grimoire smiled. "No attempts at immortality, or unnatural longevity?"

"You got it." Murray declared.

"Yep." Salt nodded.

"Indubitably." Lars grinned.

"I'm in." Vinny smiled.

"And me." Sonny added.

"Yeah, sure." Slot nodded.

"Good." Grimoire smiled. "Nice to know we all feel the same way. Now, let's finish lugging this thing over to it's display."

"Yay..." Slot groaned. "More pulling..."

"Can we hurry it up?" Caboose asked. "I got another date with Daring!"

"Still can't believe you scored that total babe." Vinny shook his head.

"Jealous much?" Caboose smirked.

"More like sorry for the poor mare." Salt joked.

"Hey..." Caboose growled.

"You know he's just kiddin'." Murray chuckled.

"He'd better be." Caboose pouted. "It took a lot of work to get Daring for a marefriend. I almost died, y'know..."

"So you keep saying." Grimoire sighed. "Just keep pushing. We'll be done soon enough..."

The brothers pushed the statue onto its display.

"Okay, gotta run!" Caboose dashed out.

"Good luck, bro!" Sonny called.

"Won't need it!" Caboose smirked.

'That seemed like such a long time ago. Considering everything that had happened since, I can't say with all certainty that I would make the same pledge today. In truth, I would have given anything for more live. My condition was steadily growing worse, and I was fully aware of how little time I had left. I tried to follow mom's instructions and make the most of what I had left, but it wasn't easy, knowing there was a countdown on my head. Little did I know that Vinny had learned of my condition, and, after much consideration, had decided to tell the others about it (word to the wise, you should probably consult the work "Project: Transcendence" before going any further)...'

One evening in Canterlot, the brothers (sans Grimoire) were all gathered in Blazin' Blues, having been invited there by Vinny. The others could tell by Vinny's uncharacteristic solemnness that something wasn't right.

"Not that I don't mind a nice private drinking session, but why the invite?" Murray asked.

"Yeah, seriously." Salt frowned. "You call us over here, all hush-hush, telling us not to tell Grimm..."

"And why's that, anyway?" Sonny asked. "Why would you want to exclude him?"

"Are you trying to form a 'No Grimm' club?" Caboose asked.

"Of course not." Vinny shook his head.

"Then what is it?" Lars asked.

"Spill it already, bro." Slot urged.

"Okay." Vinny sighed. "I found something out recently. Something about Grimoire. Something he's been keeping from us, but which I think we deserve to know."

"And what exactly do we need to know?" Murray asked.

"If it's so important, surely Grimoire would have told us himself." Lars posited.

"Grim's kept secrets before, hasn't he?" Vinny declared. "And he's keeping one now."

"So are you going to tell us this big secret, or what?" Slot snorted.

"I am." Vinny nodded. "I was at the mansion a while back, and Grim got a phone call. I wound up listening in, and I heard his doctor say that... He's got Prangingson's Disease."

The rest of the brothers froze in shock, knowing full well what that meants.

"No..." Salt gasped. "It can't be..."

"You must have misheard." Sonny insisted.

"I know what I heard." Vinny insisted.

"Come to think of it, Grim has been acting a little off lately." Murray noted.

"Yes, he's been short-tempered..." Lars declared.

"Absent-minded..." Sonny continued.

"Tired all the time..." Slot continued.

"Oh buck, it's true!" Murray gasped.

"This can't be happening..." Salt shook his head. "Not like it did to dad..."

"Oh, Grim..." Caboose started to whimper.

"How could he have kept this from us?!" Slot yelled. "We're his brothers! We deserved to know!"

"Maybe he thought it would be better if we didn't know?" Sonny suggested. "Maybe he just didn't want us to worry?"

"Oh, so he wanted us to live in ignorance?" Murray scowled. "Real nice."

"So, what do we do know?" Lars asked.

"We confront Grim." Vinny declared. "We tell him that we know, and give him an earful for keeping in the dark."

"Buckin' A." Slot grinned.

"No." Salt said firmly. "We can't do that."

"Why not?" Slot asked.

"Maybe because Grimoire wants to tell us in his own time?" Sonny declared. "We should respect his wishes, and let him tell us when he's ready."

"Besides, what's he gonna say when he finds out you were sneaking around, listening in on his private conversations?" Salt asked Vinny. "We don't do that to each other."

"I know, but..." Vinny started.

"Besides, what will telling him do?" Caboose asked. "It's not like any of us know how to cure him."

"For once, Caboose makes a good point." Lars nodded. "Confronting Grimoire would achieve nothing, except gain his ire for going behind his back."

"So you're saying we do nothing?" Vinny frowned.

"Nothing is all we can do right now." Salt declared. "Telling Grimoire we know will only get him angry, and make things worse."

"What's wrong with a little anger?" Slot asked.

"You of all ponies should know the answer to that question." Lars snorted.

"The guys are right." Murray declared. "We shouldn't talk to Grim until he's ready to talk. But that doesn't mean we can't give him a little extra support."

"Support?" Vinny asked.

"You know." Murray smiled. "Being around his place more often, helpin' him out, that sort of thing."

"I could go for that." Caboose smiled.

"Me too." Salt nodded. "In fact, let's all go down there tomorrow, and lend our big brother some support."

The next morning, the brothers hurried down to Ponyville, knocking on the door to Grimoire's mansion.

"Guys?" Grimoire frowned, as he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"What, we can't drop in our favourite brother every once in a while?" Murray smiled widely.

"Yeah, but it would help if you called first." Grimoire declared.

"Oh, pshaw." Lars waved his hoof. "We're family, are we not?"

"Yeah." Sonny nodded. "And family sticks together."

"We figured we should spend more time with you, Grim." Salt stated.

"Yeah, let's face, it, you're not getting any younger..." Caboose started.

"Meaning we should enjoy the time we have right now." Vinny added.

"You never what might come around the corner, right?" Slot smiled.

"...Yeah." Grimoire said awkwardly, their words hitting a little too close to home. "Okay, come on in."

The brothers entered the mansion. Oakley barked joyfully at their approach.

"Hey, big fella." Murray scratched him behind his leafy ears.

"Zecora's at the market, but I think I can whip you guys up some tea." Grimoire announced.

"Please, allow me." Sonny stepped forward. "It's the least I can do, after dropping in unannounced."

"Okay..." Grimoire shrugged.

As Sonny entered the kitchen, Grimoire moved to sit in his favorite chair.

"Hold up!" Slot suddenly took a nearby cushion and placed it on the chair. "Stallion's gotta be comfortable in his own house, y'know?"

"I suppose..." Grimoire shrugged, picking up a book.

"Here, let me read that for you!" Caboose leaned over Grimoire's shoulder.

"What?!" Grimoire spluttered.

"You don't want to strain your eyes with all those big words, do ya?" Caboose smiled.

"Seriously?" Grimoire frowned. "I'm perfectly capable of reading a book, you know."

"Of course you are." Caboose nodded. "I'm just helping you out, like a brother should."

"Thanks, but I think I've got this." Grimoire pulled the book away.

Moments later, Sonny returned, carrying some tea for the others. As Grimoire reached for his cup, Sonny pulled it away.

"Hold on." Sonny declared. "just gotta blow on it, make sure it's not too hot."

"Okay, what's going on?" Grimoire growled.

"What do you mean, Grim?" Salt asked.

"I mean, why are you all acting so weird?" Grimoire frowned. "You're treating me like I'm some kind of invalid!"

"No, no, no." Lars declared. "We're just trying to help."

"We want to be there for you, that's all." Murray smiled. "Like family does."

"Well, that's just hunky-dory, but-" Grimoire was interrupted mid-sentence, as his book suddenly turned into a papery butterfly. "What the...?"

"That's... peculiar." Murray frowned. He put down his empty cup, which suddenly sprang to life, hopping across the room.

"That's just plain weird." Vinny cringed.

All around the room, more odd things were happening. A lamp started flicking on and off in all colors, and a broom rose up and started flying across the room. Oakley barked as he gave chase.

"Okay..." Lars frowned. "You all know what's happening here, right?"

"Books turning into butterflies..." Sonny mused.

"Cups moving by themselves..." Salt frowned.

"The broom flying all over the place..." Grimoire added.

"Only one pony that this could be the work of..." Murray scowled.

"Yeah, like... the Al Quinoa." Caboose said darkly.

"Yeah... no." Slot snorted.

"I hate to say it, but it must be..." Vinny cringed.

Suddenly, Discord appeared in the middle of the room.

"Hello, boys!" He whooped. "Hope you don't mind me dropping by!"

"Hey, big D!" Caboose smiled.

"From one bunch of unexpected guests to another..." Grimoire frowned. "Not to be rude, but why did you suddenly materialise in my living room?"

"Oh, how rude of me." Discord tutted. "But since I've gone to all the trouble of visiting you in your home, the least you can do is return the favour!"

"What?" Lars frowned.

Discord raised his fingers.

"Oh no..." Murray cringed.

Discord snapped his fingers. One flash of light later, the brothers found themselves in his bizarre realm.

"Here we go!" Discord smiled. "Now we're nice and even!"

"Hey, nice place!" Caboose smiled.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Lars growled, his logical mind unbalanced by the chaotic architecture.

"Come in, come in." Discord urged, leading them to his house.

"Come on, guys!" Caboose smiled.

"Seriously?" Slot scowled. "You want us to come into that nutjob's house?"

"He's my friend." Caboose declared. "And he's a pretty great guy, once you get to know him."

"Well, considering we don't have a our own way out of this twisted place, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to stay a while." Grimoire shrugged.

"Yay..." Sonny sighed.

The brothers joined Discord in his home.

"Sorry it's such a mess." Discord told them. "I haven't had a chance to dust." He pulled out a duster, and started spreading dust everywhere. "There, that's better. Now, can I offer you some snacks?" He materialised a plate of sandwiches... with the bread inbetween what should have been the filling.

"We're good, thanks." Murray declared.

"So, how are things, big D?" Caboose inquired. "You and Isis getting along swimmingly?"

"So glad you asked." Discord smiled. "Things have been going great between myself and Isis. Just having her here is such a delight. This old house feels so much warmer. Everything seems better, actually. Isis has enriched every part of my life with her love and companionship. We are hardly every apart, spending our days out in Ponyville, having all sorts of fun, and our nights curled together by the fire... bliss. Alas, my dear Isis is in Canterlot right now, visiting her brother."

"That's too bad." Caboose frowned. "I'd love for her to meet my bros!"

"Yeah, that would be great..." Slot said sarcastically.

"Actually, it's a good thing that Isis isn't here right now." Discord's face fell. He peeked out of the windows, apparantly making sure nopony was listening in.

"Uh... what are you doing?" Salt asked.

"Yeah." Vinny nodded. "This is weird, even for you."

"I have a confession to make." Discord declared. "I didn't call you here just for socialising. I need your help."

"What's up, big D?" Caboose asked.

"Well, you see, something has been taken from me a few nights ago." Discord declared. "Something of... great value to both myself and Isis. I need you guys to get it back here before Isis gets back."

"Since when are we errand boys?" Slot snorted.

"Knock it off, Slot." Caboose scowled.

"What exactly is this 'something'?" Grimoire asked.

"And more to the point, why don't you just make another one?" Murray asked.

"I can't." Discord shrugged. "At least... not by myself."

"Must be something pretty special." Salt noted.

"It is." Discord nodded. "Irreplaceable, in fact."

"Can you describe the object?" Lars asked.

"Well... it's white and gold, about this big..." Discord held out his appendages. "Oval-shaped..."

"Oval?" Caboose gasped. "Oh, my Faust... it's an egg, isn't it?"

"I didn't say that..." Discord frowned.

"It is, though, isn't it?" Caboose grinned. "You and Isis made an egg!"

"...Okay, fine, we did." Discord nodded.

"That's so awesome!" Caboose whooped.

"And freaky..." Vinny cringed.

"How is that even possible?" Lars frowned.

"Well, I may not have a reproductive system, but Isis certainly does." Discord declared. "Just not in the traditional sense."

"Meaning?" Sonny asked.

"Basically the Serpents reproduce via the male funelling some of his magic into the female." Discord revealed. "The magics mix, forming an egg."

"Huh, kinda like ponies." Slot smirked. "Only we use-"

"I know what you use." Discord gagged. "And I'd prefer not to think about it. Now, I just did what a male serpent would do, funneling some of my own magic in there. We were a little worried it wouldn't take, but, lo and behold, Isis laid our ovoid bundle of joy about a week ago."

"Congrats, I guess." Murray shrugged.

"Thank you." Discord smiled. "We were quite overjoyed, ourselves."

"How did you lose it, anyway?" Grimoire asked.

"I didn't lose it." Discord declared. "It was taken. Some ponies snuck in here and stole it."

"And how did they do that?" Salt frowned, "I doubt anypony would be able to get through your front yard."

"That's what I thought." Discord scowled. "They managed to breach my realm and break into my house, all without my noticing. They would have to be packing some serious magic to do that. Either way, they absconded with my and Isis' offspring."

"But how can we help?" Sonny asked. "It could be anywhere."

"Actually, I know exactly where it is." Discord declared. "I can sense the raw magic within, no matter where it goes. And I know who took it."

"You do?" Murray frowned.

"Yep." Discord nodded. "It was taken by a bunch of loyalists to the late Prince Nalik-Aqqbar Royale."

"Him?" Caboose snorted.

"Yes, him." Discord nodded. "They somehow managed to breach my realm, grab the egg, and take it back to their hideout over in that hard-to-pronounce country of their's. No doubt as a form of punishment for my and Isis' part in the Prince's demise. They told me in a note that if I want the egg back, I have to bring Isis and Osiris to them. Otherwise, they'll use it for some sick experiment."

"Then why don't you go and kick their butts?" Salt asked.

"Because I can't." Discord declared. "Their hideout has some kind of magic that keeps me from entering. Presumably the same magic that almost disillusioned Osiris into... well, you know..."

"Murdering every non-Unicorn?" Caboose said bluntly.

"Yes." Discord deadpanned. "Anyhow, I need you to go in and get the egg, before those fiends can have their wicked ways with it."

"Us?" Vinny asked.

"Of course." Discord nodded. "From what Caboose has told me, this kind of op is right up your alley."

"It sure is!" Caboose smiled. "Right, guys?"

The other brothers looked unsure.

"Look, Caboose." Grimoire frowned. "Granted, the egg probably shouldn't be left in the hooves of those nuts, but we may not be the best ponies for the job."

"Yeah." Sonny nodded. "Why don't you call your buddies in the Royal Guard?"

"NO!" Discord yelled. "Nopony else can know about this! It's one small step from the Royal Guard to the Princesses, and then to Isis! And Osiris..." He shuddered. "He doesn't even know about the egg. I made Isis promise to keep it a secret."

"Look, we'd like to help." Vinny declared. "But you caught us at a real bad time."

"He did?" Grimoire frowned.

"With respect, we must decline." Lars stated.

"With respect, I'm not giving you a choice." Discord said bluntly.

Snapping his fingers, Discord transported them all to a back alley in Schwartzamungaknackerhobblestan's (new name pending) capital city, Tehrein.

"Oh no, he didn't!" Slot growled.

"Oh yes, he did." Murray sighed.

"Discord, send us back!" Grimoire growled.

"Not until you get the egg." Discord crossed his arms petulantly.

"Why, you-!" Slot scowled. He leapt at Discord, only for the Draconequus to disappear. As he crashed into the dirt, Discord reappeared behind him.

"Look, this won't be so hard, anyway." He announced. "These are just a hoofful of idiots who don't want to accept that this Project: Transcendence of theirs is good and dead. You can handle them no problem."

"You think we'd take on those nuts after you brought us here against our will?" Salt snarled. "Forget it!"

"You know, you shouldn't be that way." Discord frowned. "Especially considering I'm your only ride home."

"...He has a point." Lars noted.

"Come on, guys." Caboose urged. "I'll bet it'll be easy!"

"Well, since we don't seem to have a choice, we may as well do it." Grimoire sighed.

"Fantastic." Discord grinned. "Glad you finally see things my way." He snapped his fingers, causing several objects to materialise in the brothers' hooves. "Here's everything you need: Maps, guard schedules, the code to unlock the security to the main room..."

"How'd you find that out?" Vinny asked.

"I peeked in the window." Discord shrugged. "Oh, and here." He made an odd-shaped bell appear in Grimoire's hooves. "When you have accomplished your mission, ring the bell, and I'll come fetch you."

"Wait, you're not staying?" Murray frowned.

"Of course not." Discord shook his head. "Isis will be home any second. I've got to keep her from finding out the egg is gone. That's my mission, and this is yours. Good luck!"

Discord vanished, leaving the brothers alone.

"Okay, guess we're breaking into some heavily-guarded fortress and taking back an egg." Grimoire said nonchalantly.

"See?" Caboose smiled. "I told you we could do it!"

"Maybe you should sit this one out." Vinny suggested.

"Yeah." Murray agreed. "You're not getting any younger, y'know."

"Excuse me?" Grimoire frowned. "I may be a little rusty, but I can still handle an op like this in my sleep!"

"But-" Lars started.

"But nothing." Grimoire growled. "We're doing this together. Unless you're just going to leave me in the crowded streets of a foreign, possible hostile country?"

"Okay, fine." Salt sighed. "Let's do it."

"Good." Grimoire pulled out the map. "The place should be just around the corner."

As Grimoire led the others, Vinny turned to the others.

"This is exactly what we don't need right now." He whispered. "Grim's in no condition for this."

"Well, it's not like we can stop him." Sonny pointed out. "Getting that egg's our one ticket home, and like it or not, we gotta get it together."

"Let's just hope Grim isn't that far along." Murray whispered. "We need him as close to his best as possible."

"Hurry up, boys!" Grimoire yelled. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we get it done!"

"You heard the stallion." Caboose nodded. "Let's go!"

The brothers continued on, a bad feeling floating among them.

The map led him to a disused office building, one with mystic runes painted on it. Two stallions stood guard outside.

"Okay, boys." Grimoire declared. "We head in on the east side. We slip in past the guards, then head down the southern corridor to the main room. Then we input the code, grab the egg, and leave."

"Sounds simple enough..." Salt admitted.

"Let's hope so." Slot frowned.

The brothers snuck around the back, keeping to the shadows.

"Okay, here we go..." Grimoire walked over.

"Wait, I thought you said we were going to the east side?" Sonny pointed out.

"Oh, right." Grimoire nodded. "My bad..."

The brothers shared worried looks as they travelled to the east side.

"Slot, you're up." Grimoire instructed.

"You got it." Slot pulled out a lockpick, opening the door.

The brothers snuck in, carefully sticking to the side corridors.

"Okay, now down the..." Grimoire frowned.

"Southern corridor." Murray stated.

"Right, that." Grimoire declared.

As they made their way through, Salt spotted a guard around the corner.

"I got 'im." He smirked.

Salt grabbed the guard, beat him up, and pulled him into a broom closet.

"Too easy." He gloated.

Lars distracted another guard by rolling a Bit over to him. As the guard kneeled down to investigate, Lars karate-chopped him in the neck, knocking him out.

"Not exactly top-notch terrorist material, are they?" He smirked.

Slowly but surely, they made their way to the back room, dealing with any guards they found. Murray grabbed a doorstop, and using pinpoint accuracy, threw it at the back of a guard's head, knocking him out.

They shrank back into the shadows as another guard approached. The second he passed, Slot leapt out and struck him from behind, neutralising him. Sonny, Caboose and Vinny did the same with three others. But when Grimoire's time came, he mistimed his ambush, leading at the guard's hooves.

"...Whoops." He cringed.

"Intru-!" The guard started, before Grimoire tackled him.

The two struggled on the floor. Grimoire's blows weren't as accurate as usual. In fact, they were flying wild. The guard's blows were right on target, though. She began to pummel Grimoire, until Murray tackled him from behind, and knocked him out with a solid kick.

"What did you do that for?" Grimoire frowned. "I had him."

"Sure you did, Grim." Murray nodded. "I was just making sure."

Eventually, they found themselves at the desired door, combination lock upon.

"Okay, time to put in the code." Grimoire declared. "7682648."

The lock didn't open.

"Huh." Grimoire frowned. "I was sure that was the right combination."

"I have the code right here." Lars held up the paper. "I can-"

"No, I can do it." Grimoire insisted. He typed in another wrong combination. "Buck!"

"Seriously, the code is-" Sonny started.

"Don't tell me." Grimoire said stubbornly, trying another combination. "I'll get it... damn!"

"Come on, Grim." Caboose urged. "Let us help you."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" Grimoire suddenly exploded.

In mere moments, a squad of crossbow carrying ponies raced over.

"...Whoops." Grimoire cringed.

"Hooves up, intruders!" The leader yelled. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"We came to get the egg you stole!" Caboose yelled.

"Oh, really?" The leader smirked. "Well, tough luck. It's ours now."

"You slimeballs." Murray scowled. "It's just a helpless egg. Leave it out of you vendetta."

"That egg is the product of the two creatures who brought about the death of our glorious Prince Nalik!"

"Please!" Caboose snorted. "The guy was a jerk!"

"He was a visionary!" The leader declared. "And those he worked with shared that vision!"

"Who?" Caboose frowned.

"Whoever they were, they were probably just as tweaked as he was." Slot sneered.

"How dare you!" The guard yelled. "You will all pay the price for your transgression! Execute them!"

The guards cocked their crossbows.

"Nice knowing ya, guys." Vinny cringed.

"We're not finished yet." Murray declared. "Grim, ring the bell!"

"Gladly." Grimoire rang the bell. However, nothing happened.

"What the-?" Salt frowned.

"Oh, come on!" Lars yelled.

"Can't believe Discord left us in the lurch!" Slot yelled.

"No, he'd never..." Caboose started.

"Enough stalling." The leader snarled. "Face your deaths with dignity."

"You obviously don't know us very well." Murray snarked.

Suddenly, a loud roar shook the entire building, causing most of the windows to shatter.

"...What was that?" The leader murmured.

"Oh, boy, I know that roar..." Caboose mused.

In an instant, the wall behind Nalik's loyalists collapsed, as a titanic black serpent slithered his way forward.

"What the buck?!" Grimoire gasped.

"What is that?!" Sonny yelped.

"Guys, relax!" Caboose smiled. "It's Osiris. The Serpent Deity of Death."

"You." The leader snarled. "You're the one that slayed our leader!"

"Your leader was a madpony who tried to pervert my power for his own twisted goals." Osiris growled. "For that, he needed to be put down like the rabid beast he was.."

"That's rich coming from you, monster." The leader spat. "And how did you get through our runes?"

"You need to do more research." Osiris smirked. "Those particular runes were only meant to keep spirits like Discord out, not Deities like myself."

"No matter." The leader declared. "You will surrender to us, or we will destroy the egg!"

"Not if I kill you first." Osiris retorted, baring his fangs.

"Come and get me!" The leader snarled, though in reality, he was practically quivering with fear, "You will pay for what you did to Prince Na-!"

Osiris suddenly lunged forward and ate the leader whole.

"By Faust!" Another guard yelled.

The black serpent held his head high and gulped, as the now screaming pony was swallowed. Osiris let out a small burp.

"Holy..." Murray gulped.

"...Buck." Salt finished.

"He ate him." Sonny gasped. "He really ate him!"

"In one bite." Lars added.

"Didn't even need to wash him down." Vinny declared.

"Nasty." Slot added.

"I've never seen anything like it..." Grimoire declared.

"I have." Caboose cringed.

"Eck..." Osiris grimaced. "I hate the taste of scum."

"You... you will pay for that!" The head guard yelled. "You will suffer for that!"

"Don't push me, little stallion. I came here because you stole something of great value to my sister." Osiris growled. "Either return the egg, or you shall all pay with your lives."

"Never! Kill it!" The guard yelled at the others.

The guards fired their crossbows, but they bounced off Osiris' scales.

"My turn." Osiris spat.

Osiris descended upon the guards, brutally massacring them. He created an orb of purple energy and flung it at them, incinerating an entire line of soldiers.

"Eat this!" Another pony made to throw a bomb.

"Sorry, your leader was unusally filling." Osiris deadpanned. He fired a beam that cleanly destroyed the upper half of the pony's body.

"Charge!" Another guard yelled.

"Not today." Osiris pointed a claw at him.

"Ahhh!" The guard suddenly clutched his chest, and collapsed to the ground.

"What did you-Urghhh!" Another fell to the ground as Osiris pointed at him.

"How dare-urk!" A thrird went down.

As others made to attack from behind, Osiris ensnared them in his coils, crushing the life out of them. He then waved a claw, sending a shockwave that flung more guards against the wall, reducing them to pulp.

The Napoleons, who had seen their fair share of massacres, were totally shocked, having never seen such brutality.

"Holy buck..." Grimoire gasped.

"No way." Murray cringed.

"Ugh..." Salt gagged.

"That's just..." Vinny frowned.

"Horrific." Lars declared.

"I think I'm gonna puke." Sonny grimaced.

"That guy's a monster..." Slot declared.

"No." Caboose said flatly. "That's Osiris."

In mere moments, the ponies were all dead. Osiris turned to the Napoleons, who all cringed under his gaze as he slowly approached them.

"Are you all alright?" Osiris asked.

"Yeah, sure." Grimoire nodded, face ashen.

"Personally, I think I'm gonna puke." Murray cringed.

"Me too." Salt nodded.

"That was.. indescribable." Lars gulped.

"No kidding." Vinny agreed.

"just like old times." Caboose shuddered.

"...I've wet myself." Sonny admitted.

"Normally, I'd laugh." Slot declared. "But I'm too scared."

"Alright then." Osiris nodded. "On to my next question: What are you all doing here?"

"We were... trying to get Discord and Isis's egg back." Grimiore declared, trying to regain his poise, though visibly shaken by what he saw. "But..."

"Say no more." Osiris nodded. "I thank you for trying. But I'm afraid your services weren't required."

Osiris turned to the door, and with his bare claws, tore it open.

"Guess he doesn't go for manicures." Slot quipped.

Inside the room was the egg; A large, golden-shelled oval.

"There it is." Osiris smiled.

"Aww, it's so cute!" Caboose squeed.

"Um, dude, it's a egg." Slot frowned.

"The cutest egg ever!" Caboose cooed.

Osiris picked up the egg in his claws.

"Fascinating." Osiris examined it. "Such life, brimming within. A hybrid being. I didn't think it was possible..."

At that point, Discord suddenly appeared.

"Eheh... hey, guys." Discord waved nervously.

"What happened?" Murray asked. "I thought you were gonna keep them busy!"

"Yeah, they saw right through me." Discord shrugged. "Osiris had decided to come with Isis, and when they found out the egg was missing... well, it wasn't pretty."

"Needless to say, I insisted on getting involved." Osiris declared, as he frowned at Discord, "Had I not been here sooner, I would had to cut all your threads prematurely, and that would account to weeks of organizing all those years wasted."

"But hey, it all worked out in the end, right?" Discord shrugged.

"On that, I can agree." Osiris nodded, "And the egg is just fine." He passed the egg to Discord, "Try to keep a tighter grip on it this time."

"Duly noted." Discord nodded, as he flick his free hand, "Let's go home!"

A flash of light later, and they were all in Discord's house again. Isis was there, glaring at Discord.

"Discord..." Isis growled.

"Um, ta-daa?!" Discord said sheepishly, holding out the egg.

Isis immediately snatched the egg out of Discord's arms and cradled it, like some crazed mama-bird.

"Look, Isis, I didn't mean-" Discord began.

"What the buck, Discord?!" Isis suddenly glared at Discord, "I leave you for only a week, and not only did me and my brother find that OUR egg is gone, but that you try to cover it up by sending seven old former mobsters, and one... slightly not as old former mobster to get it back."

"Hey, we are not that old!" Murray crossed his hooves.

"And Caboose is not that young, jeez!" Slot glared.

"I can't believe you let this happen!" Isis yelled at Discord. "Our egg, our child, and you let it get taken! I thought I could trust you!"

"Looks like somepony's in the doghouse." Vinny smirked.

"Look, I'm sorry I lost the egg." Discord sighed. "And I'm sorry I tried to lie to you. I just... didn't want to worry you. But we got it back!"

"Correction. I got it back." Osiris growled, "And I am also not happy that my niece or nephew almost got taken by vengeful mortals... plus the fact that I had to find out that I had a niece or nephew from this whole debacle."

"Yeah, I was hoping to break the news at a time I felt you could take it..." Discord declared. "Didn't want you ripping off my arms in anger, you know?"

"Somehow, that seems almost appealing right now." Isis glared, still angry.

"I really am sorry." Discord sighed. "I blew it. I'm going to be a lousy father. I couldn't protect the egg in my own home. Not a good start, really... I'm going to keep messing up, aren't I?"

"No, you won't." Isis gave a soothing smile. "I'm still mad that this happened... but mostly, I am just relieved that our future child is safe...and touched that it's father went to such lengths just to get it back."

"Thanks, dear." Discord smiled, before turning to Osiris, "And I am sorry about this, too, Osiris."

"I suppose you couldn't have forseen it." Osiris admitted. "But honestly, I am looking forward to becoming an uncle.

"Um, hello?" Grimiore stepped forth. "I believe you owe us an apology for forcing us to go on this nearly-doomed mission."

"And for the bell that didn't work!" Slot roared.

"Of course, I'm sorry that I put you all through that." Discord cringed. "But... a dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do, right? I mean, surely some of you have kids of yours own now, right? Wouldn't you do anything to help them?"

"I certainly would." Grimoire admitted.

"Yeah, me too." Salt nodded.

"I probably will, when my little foal's born." Murray declared.

"In a heartbeat." Sonny nodded.

"And FYI, the bell didn't work, because I was too busy being chewed out by Osiris. But don't worry, for putting your lives on the line, no thanks to me, I will give you this." Discord flicked his finger, and suddenly, a card appear in front of Grimiore, who took it.

"...A gift card?" Grimiore frowned.

"No, more like a 'get out of jail/get out of being tortured/get out of falling in a volcano/get out of pretty much any dire situation card." Discord declared. "A favor if you will. Just use magic on this card to call me and I will do one thing for you, which can be anything... that is within legal limits."

"Well, I guess that's... kinda worth it." Murray shrugged.

"But for now, how about we go home?" Slot asked.

"Of course." Discord nodded.

The brothers were flashed back to the mansion.

"Well, that was... an experience." Lars frowned.

"No kiddin'." Slot snorted.

"If you guys don't mind, I'd like some time alone to rest." Grimoire declared. "Long day, you know..."

"Of course." Vinny nodded. "Let's go, guys..."

As they walked to the train station, the brothers shared their worries.

"You guys all saw that, right?" Sonny asked. "The forgetfulness..."

"The temper..." Salt declared.

"We could have been killed because of that." Murray declared. "And it's not even the worse part... not yet."

"How bad do you think it's gonna get?" Caboose asked.

"No clue." Slot shook his head.

"Oh, Grim..." Vinny sighed. "What's going to become of you?"

The brothers spent the journey back to their homes (and the rest of the day), worrying about their brother, and just how far he still had to fall...

'So, that was an interesting little diversion. My condition almost got us all killed. But the egg was returned, and Discord owes us a favour, which could come in useful down the line. That is, if I'm still alive when we call it in...'

Mad World

'You know, in spite of my condition, I had tried my best to keep up a strong bravado. Dealing with the memory loss, sudden bouts of anger, insomnia, and severe lapses in concentration, it hasn’t been an easy couple of months, but I thought that with the medication, and a sense of strong will, I would had at least got a handle on my condition. I knew I was living on borrowed time, but I just needed to live a few months more so I could hold our foal in my hooves at least once… unfortunately, despite everything… my plans always goes wrong… '

Grimoire was in Dr. Stable's room, awaiting the results.

"So, how are things, doc?" He asked. "Everything peachy-keen for now?"

"...I'm afraid not, Mr Napoleon." Stable sighed.

"What do you mean?" Grimoire asked.

"It appears the medication has... not delayed the disease's progress." Stable revealed. "In fact, the disease is accelerating."

"What?!" Grimoire spluttered. "But you said they would slow it down!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Napoleon." Stable apologized. "Your condition is far more... aggressive than any others I've seen. Even our best meds can't hold it back any longer."

"Great, wonderful." Grimoire snorted. "Give me the bottom line, doc. I can take it."

"I'm afraid you have, at best, two months left to live." Stable confessed.

"Two months..." Grimoire felt as if he was plunging into a pitch black pit of ice water. "That's all?"

“I know it’s not much…” Stable began.

“Not much?!” Grimiore snarled, as he then lunged at him, pinning him against the wall. “Have you no idea how important it was that I live as long as I was supposed to?! My foal is going to be born in more than two buckin’ months! I subjected myself to these mind-wrecking medications so I could hold my new foal in my hooves, and now you’re telling me I won’t even have that?!”

“Mr. Napoleon, please, get a hold of yourself.” Dr. Stable gulped.

“How can I?!” Grimiore roared. “There is so much that I wanted to do before I die! "I wanted to go on one last vacation with my wife, make time for a special occassion with each of my brothers, spend more take with my daughter, take my grandfoals camping!"

"Well, I'm afraid you won't be able to do any of those things." Stable declared. "And assaulting me won't change any of that. Please, you have to calm down. You still have some time left, you know. Not much, but it should be enough to get your affairs in order."

Grimoire released Stable, and started to cry.

"Doc, I... I didn't mean to..." He sniffed.

"I know." Stable declared.

"I just... can't believe I have so little time left..." Grimoire despaired.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Napoleon." Stable sighed. "I truly am..."

'In that moment, my world shattered. Knowing that I suddenly had so little time left, I was overcome with a despair unlike any I ever felt before. It was one thing to have my brother murdered by Twitch, another to have my father sacrificed himself for our sake, even another to have my first wife pass away in my hooves… but this… this was happening to me. I was going to die. And there was nothing I could do to change that. And it only got better… as before I knew it, crap was about to hit the fan…’

Chapter Thirty-Three: Mad World

'The next month flew by in a haze of pain and sorrow. Every day, I would be subjected to pounding headaches and insomnia, memory lapses, and mood swings. It was like my body was preparing me for the end, reminding me that every passing second brought me closer and closer to my demise. And in retrospect, I don’t even know why I am bothering to write all this… there is no way I could ever finish this in two months, not with my shaking hooves, or my lapse in spelling… and even then… for once, I really lost my muse. I am only writing this because I feel that if I don’t, I would be giving you all the middle hoof. I figure I could give you the glimpse of what a pathetic stallion I had become…'

Grimoire sat in his study, head bowed, barely acknowledging the world around him. Oakley was by his side. The Timberwolf whined plaintively, instinctively knowing that something was wrong with his master.

Zecora also knew something was wrong. But Grimoire wasn't talking. He refused to discuss anything relating to his current condition with her.

"Grimoire, this has gone long enough." She declared. "I know that things have gotten rough."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Grimoire declared. "Everything's fine."

"Why won't you tell me what is true?" Zecora asked. "You must tell me, you must do!"

"I said, everything's FINE!!" Grimoire roared, trying his best to not break down. "Now get off my back please!"

Zecora was clearly hurt by Grimoire's outburst.

"Very well, I shall." Zecora nodded. "But you're on thin ice, pal."

“…I’m sorry.” Grimiore sighed. “You didn’t deserve that. I… I just… I can’t burden you with my problems.”

"I am your wife, husband dear, and I am always near." Zecora frowned. "If you will not tell me the source of your umbridge, then I wonder why we keep up this marriage."

“Zecora, please… you know I love you.” Grimiore sighed, his heart breaking to see the sadness in her eyes. “But that is why I can’t tell you… I do not want to be a burden on both you…” His eyes nearly teared up as he glanced at her pregnant belly. “…and our child.”

“Grim… I know you think you are trying to be strong and I know you love us… but I know what you say is quite debatable…” Zecora frowned. "If you want to talk, I'll be at the kitchen table."

Zecora left the room. Oakley whined once more.

“Please, don’t look at me like that.” Grimoire groaned. "It's better she doesn't know. I don't want her to go through the pain of knowing our time together is almost up. For Faust’s sake, she already lost one husband… and I can’t bear to see her lose me."

Oakley snuffled at Grimoire's hoof.

“I know, Oakley.” Grimiore slightly whimpered, as he patted his head. “You are one of the lucky ones. You Timberwolves get to live for centuries, and almost nothing can kill you. But for all it’s worth, I am glad I got to call you my dog.”

Oakley licked Grimoire's hoof.

"Thatta boy." Grimoire smiled. "You take good care of Zecora and the foal when I'm gone, you hear?"

Oakley gazed at Grimoire through doleful eyes, placing his head on his master's lap.

"Loyal to the end, huh?" Grimoire stroked.

Oakley closed his eyes, staying perfectly still. It was almost as if he knew how little time they had left.

Grimiore laid his head back, and let out a silent sob, knowing it wouldn’t be long now…

'While I was wallowing in self-pity with my faithful companion, something else was going on. My brothers had been known to get into bad situations… but in one day… all of them would get caught up in one.'

Murray was with Cavallo in the Mayor's office, having a chat with his old friend.

"A demolished clock tower, damaged town hall, several gazebos wrecked by giant hailstones due to a slip-up with the weather measurements...” Cavallo groaned. “Good Faust, what the buck is up with this town? I had never seen this much problems back in Roam my entire term as I did in these few months. Is this place cursed or something?”

“Well, Ponyville didn’t gotten itself on the map because of it’s annual veggie float parade.” Murray shrugged. “There was Nightmare Moon, the stampedes, the Parasprites, the whole Mare-Do-Well incident, and remember that this place was taken over by a chaos god and a showmare hopped on some evil amulet, and was demolished during a fight between Tirek and an Alicorn with the powers of all four Princesses, and there’s the bugbear… and let's not forget Starlight Glimmer. No wonder housing prices here are so cheap..."

"Well, at least there isn't much in the way of organised crime." Cavallo said jokingly. "That was always a major headache back home."

"Oh, that's real nice." Murray smirked.

"No offense, you guys were useful to have around." Cavallo admitted. "But the paperwork..."

*SHINK!*

In an instant, a window shattered, as a bolt clipped Murray’s shoulder, prompting a pained gasp from the stallion, as the bolt embedded itself in Cavallo’s chair, right by his forehead.

“Holy shitake mushroom!” Cavallo screamed, as he ducked under his desk.

"Assassination attempt!" Murray gasped, as then more bolts began firing through the broken window. “Get down!”

Murray immediately took cover behind the front of the desk, as bolts went flying through.

“Oh, Faust, I didn’t do anything!” Cavallo whimpered through the wood separating the two.

“Don’t worry, sir, I got this!” Murray reassured, as he then use his magic to instantly warp a crossbow into his hooves.

Murray lay in wait, as the sniper used up all his bolts. And when he did...

"Should've brought a back-up clip." He smirked.

Moving fast, Murray rolled over to under the broken window, and with quick thinking of the trajectory of the fired bolts, aimed his crossbow right at a suspicious bump in the straw roof of a nearby building. It was rather hard to see for a normal pony, but Murray was no fool to how snipers work.

“Gotcha!” Murray snarled.

With a well-placed shot, he fired at the hidden bump, as an “Ugh!” was made. The bump gave way to reveal an Earth Pony stallion, wearing a straw-coated shawl, with a bolt in his head, and a scope-equipped crossbow in his hoof as he tumbled from the roof and into the alley next to the building.

"I see your aim is as impeccable as always." Cavallo smiled with relief as he peeked from his hiding spot.

"Stay down." Murray instructed. "He might have friends. I'll go take a closer look."

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Cavallo frowned, as he ducked back in.

Murray walked out onto the street, crossbow poised, glancing all around for any other snipers. Deciding there were no others, Murray lowered his weapon, and went to inspect the corpse. As he glanced closely, he saw a photograph in the sniper's hoof. Murray pulled it out, and was shocked to see it was a picture of himself, and taken recently no less.

"I was the target, not Cavallo?" Murray gaped. "But... why?"

Meanwhile, over in Canterlot, Sonny was working in the kitchen at his restaurant, cooking a new dish.

"Excuse me, sir." One of the kitchen's 'taste testers', a Unicorn with a lemon yellow coat brown eyes and blue mane walked over, a plate of garlic goulash hovering beside him. "Would you mind tasting this? There's an odd flavor in here that I just can't place..."

"Of course." Sonny nodded. He dipped a spoon in the ghoulash, and raised it to his mouth. Just before he put the spoon in his mouth, his nose picked up a miniscule, yet unmistakable scent. "Wait... that's... arsenic!"

The taste tester, realizing he was found out, grabbed a kitchen knife, and charged at Sonny.

"Die!" He roared.

"Tut, tut." Sonny caught the knife midswing. "Do you know nothing of proper etiquette? You don't use a butter knife to stab somepony."

Sonny pulled the knife out of the tester's hoof. As the tester attacked again, he slammed him in both temples with his hooves.

"Yahh!" The tester grabbed his head. "You stinking-"

The tester struck Sonny in the face.

"That's it." Sonny declared. "You're fired!"

The two engaged in a major hoof fight. Despite his gentle nature, Sonny dominated his foe. After bringing him down with a double-hooved slam to the top of the head, Sonny lifted the would-be killer off the ground, and over to one of the kitchen's ovens.

"What are you-" The tester struggled.

"I told you you were 'fired', didn't I?" Sonny sneered.

"No, don't!" The tester pleaded.

His pleas fell on deaf ears. Sonny punched him in the head, knocking him out, then shoved him into the oven. His body burst into flames, his singed carcass strewed across the oven.

"Sonny?" Bon-Bon walked into the kitchen. "What's going on in here?"

"Oh, nothing." Sonny shrugged. "Just a little altercation between employer and employee. By the way, we're going to need a new oven."

Sonny then noticed something on the floor, something that had fallen out of the thug's chef outfit during the struggle. It was a picture of Sonny.

"What's this?" He frowned.

Not so long afterward, Salt was working his orderly shift at Ponyville General. His bum hoof has been healing up quite well since he began nursing. Not to mention, he had found himself him quite enjoying his job as an orderly. Helping ponies feel better gave him just as much of a buzz as hurting them did.

He entered the lift, intent on getting some fresh rolls of bandages from the storage room in the ground floor. A single beige coated, white maned Pegasus stallion was already inside.

"Mornin'." Salt said nonchalantly.

"Morning." The stallion nodded.

As the lift descended, it picked up more and more passengers from each floor, all burly stallions. Out of the corner of his eye, Salt saw them glancing at each other. He turned away, and saw them glancing at him out of the corner of their eyes. He saw the stallion next to him grip something in his jacket. He realised what was about to happen...

"Before we start this..." He said suddenly. "Does anypony want to get off?"

The stallion nearest to the control panel hit the emergency stop.

"Suit yourselves." Salt sighed.

The Pegasus lunged at Salt, who grabbed his punch and flung him into the two thugs behind them. Two more ponies jumped at him, but he leapt up and did the splits, kicking them both at once. The stallion next to him tried to slap hoofcuffs on him. However, he only got one before Salt knocked him out. Another stallion leapt at him, but Salt backhooved him, breaking the cuffs.

"You rotten little..." The Pegasus rushed him.

Salt punched the Pegasus in the stomach. A picture of Salt fell out of the thug's jacket.

"I see somepony's a fan." Salt remarked as he picked up the picture.

"Rahhh!" The Pegasus raised both hooves.

Salt tackled his foe, lifted him off the floor, and tossed him at two others, knocking them down. Unfortunately, the other thugs were starting to recover.

One of the thugs grabbed Salt's good hoof, forcing him to fight with his bad one. Another thug smirked broadly, believing the weak hoof would be far less effective.

"Nice plan, guys.. not!" Salt yelled, knocking the smirking thug out with a single punch. "Too bad for you, my hoof's been doing much better lately."

Proving his point, Slot grabbed the thug holding his other hoof and flipped him.

"Come on!" The Pegasus spat. "He's only one stallion!"

Realising he couldn't fend off his foes forever, Salt hit upon a new plan. As another stallion charged him, he leapt on his back, then sprang off him and grabbed on to the top of the lift. He pulled at the hatch, and emerged atop the lift.

"You can't get away from us, Napoleon!" The Pegasus spat.

"I beg to differ." Salt smirked, pulling out a knife (he always kept one on him, just in case). "You guys are going down... literally!"

Salt wedged himself into the shaft's corners with his back hooves, and started sawing away at the lift's cable.

"What the... no!" The Pegasus yelled. He flew up to try and stop Salt, but was punched back down for his troubles. He landed on his fellow assassins, crashing into a heap.

Up above, the knife finally cut through the cable, and the lift dropped like a stone, the thugs inside screaming in terror.

"Next stop... ground floor." Salt smirked.

The lift crashed down at the bottom of the shaft, killing its passengers instantly.

"Guess I owe this place a new lift." Salt shrugged, as he slowly slid down the shaft. He glanced at the photo of himself. "And I owe somepony a butt-kicking..."

Back in Canterlot, Lars was busy grading papers (as part of his role as a teacher at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns), when he peered out of the classroom window, and noticed an older schoolgirl playing a recorder out by a tree.

"Hmm, what's this?" He frowned. "Not exactly school hours..."

Lars went out to the tree to speak to the mare.

"Pardon me, miss." He cleared his throat. "Might I ask what you're doing here?"

"Um, hi..." The mare giggled, bearing a strong Trottingham accent. "Can I call you Lars the great? Lars the awesome? Lars the incredible?"

"Excuse me?" Lars frowned.

"Sorry." The mare gushed. "I've just... always been a fan. I've heard all about what you did back in the day. So hardcore!"

"I'm, um... flattered." Lars said awkwardly.

"Oh no..." The mare grimaced. "I feel really nervous. I think I'm gonna puke... OMG, I bet you hate girls who puke!"

"Honestly, I've never really thought about it." Lars admitted.

"Don't stare at me!" The mare giggled. "You're staring at me... Anyway, I wrote down all my feelings in a letter." She pulled out a letter. "Here."

"Your feelings?" Lars gulped.

"Take it!" The mare shoved the paper at him. "Take it, or I'll totally die!"

"Okay, thanks..." Lars said, massively uncomfortable.

"Aren't you gonna read it?" The mare asked.

"Read it?" Lars frowned. "Now? Here?"

"Yes!" The mare nodded. "You have to read it out loud, just for LOLs. I wrote a song dedicated to Lars the great." She held up her flute. "So you read, and I'll play it on my flute, okay?"

"...You're joking, right?" Lars gaped. "Read this here?"

"Here we go." The mare smiled. "Get into it."

The mare started playing. Humoring her, Lars started to read.

"'To my dearest Lars the great'." He said aloud. "'Hi there, Lars the great. I am the mare who loves you the most in the entire world. Your studies into ‘human’ has always been a major inspiration to me. Like, I thought I was the only one who believed in humans. But you proved me wrong. But in order to prove I'm your number one fan, I need some kind of evidence. No matter how much I insist I'm your number one, any other chick can come along and say the same thing. That's why I've decided that I have to become strong. In doing so, I knew I'd someday put myself closer to you. Putting my position as Lars the great's number on fan on the line, I embarked on this path, and ended up winning the international assassin student championship. Oh, in case you had miss that part, I am indeed an assassin. It’s hush-hush, so you hadn’t heard of the school. I really did my best, but you know, in hindsight, it was a cinch. I guess I'm just blessed. I can master in one day techniques that would take others years to do. And then I got greedy. A new urge, a vision, that maybe I could win a fight against Lars the great. Then this creepy guy comes to me with a mission…and I couldn’t pass it up. My new mission? To behead Lars the great, therefore surpassing my hero. Oops, did I actually write that? It's kind of embarrassing, you know. Well anyways, I've made up my mind. I took an oath. I won't be beat by anypony. I will defeat Lars the great in battle. Only then will Lars the great become mine, and mine only. Love, Lars the great's number one fan. Kimmey Cowl'."

Kimmey stopped playing, and smiled at Lars.

"Okay, so much for the dose of innocence..." Lars cringed, “I didn’t think I would have an admirer.”

“Yeah… I know you're married and everything, but I really like your work.” Kimmey sighed. “And this is going to be awkward…” She twisted her flute, causing blades to come out of both ends. "I'm going to have to kill you. Sorry."

"Oh, buck!" Lars yelped.

Kimmey swung her flute at Lars, who ducked.

"Ooh, you're quick." Kimmey smiled. "But not quick enough!"

"I beg to differ." Lars ducked another swing.

Lars might not have been armed, but he had his greatest weapon: His mind. He dipped and rolled around Kimmey's swings, maneuvering her back to the tree.

"You want my head?" He asked. "Give it your best shot!"

"With pleasure." Kimmey smiled.

Kimmey swung her blade. Lars ducked, and the blade got stuck in the tree. Lars brought his hoof down, breaking it in two.

"No fair!" Kimmey yelled, flipping the flute around.

In that split-second, Lars had the opening to kick the other half out of Kimmey's hooves.

"Ready to surrender?" Lars asked.

Kimmey kicked Lars in the face.

"Are you joking?" She giggled. "This is even better!"

"...Very well, then." Lars growled. "Time to take you to school."

The two engaged in hoof-to-hoof combat. Kimmey was younger and faster, but Lars had strength, precision, and experience on his side. Before long, he had Kimmey on the ropes.

"This has been so great." Kimmey smiled, sporting several bruises. "So much fun..."

"Fun?" Lars asked. "You think this is some kind of game?"

"Oh, yeah." Kimmey nodded.

"Wrong. This is a real fight, with real consequences." Lars declared, punching Kimmey out.

"Lars the great..." Kimmey gurgled, as she lost consciousness.

From out of Kimmey's pocket, a photo of Lars slipped (with a lipstick mark on it).

"Hmm..." Lars frowned.

Seconds later, Lars called in some operatives, and had them take Kimmey away for questioning.

Over at Blazin' Blues, it was relatively quiet. Vinny and Blue were tending to the bar, with Mist being at the castle with Tempest, her and Blue’s son.

"Yo, partner, think you can fetch some schnapps?" Blue asked Vinny. "We're running a little dry."

"Sure." Vinny nodded. "I think we have some more in the backroom."

As Vinny exited, a gray-coated, crimson-maned Unicorn stallion entered.

"Afternoon, sir." Blue smiled. "How may I serve you today?"

"By clamming up." The stallion pulled out a crossbow.

"Whoa, no." Blue gulped. "Let's just relax...if it’s money you want, I have a register full of-"

"Quiet, punk." The stallion spat. "I've got a job to do, and I don't need witnesses."

The stallion fired the crossbow. Blue, honed by natural reflexes, tried to dodge, but the bolt caught him in the shoulder.

"Ahhh!" Blue yelled, leaning against the bar in agony.

"What did I just say about you being quiet?" The stallion readied another bolt.

At that moment, Vinny returned.

"I got the-whoa!" He yelped, taking in the scene. "What's going on here?"

"Ah." The stallion pointed his crossbow at Vinny. "Just the stallion I wanted to see."

The stallion fired the crossbow. Vinny dived under the bar, still carrying the schnapps in his arms.

"Come on out, Napoleon." The stallion spat. "Otherwise, I might get bored, and shoot your pal again."

"Okay, fine." Vinny stood up slowly, his hooves behind his back.

"I see you're holding something." The stallion remarked. "You think a bottle is gonna help you?"

"No." Vinny admitted. "But this might!"

Vinny swung a baseball bat (which he always kept behind the bar for dealing with rowdy customers) and knocked the crossbow out of the stallion's hooves.

“Whoa, you move fast for a fatass!” The thug frowned.

“Well, how about for a minor league batter!” Vinny snarled.

“Wha-“ The thug was about to say something, before Vinny swung his bat at his head, knocking him out.

“Ouch.” Blue cringed.

“Sorry about that. I hate it when I get called a fatass.” Vinny sighed, “Are you going to be okay, Blue?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Blue grimaced. “But nice shot. Ever thought of going pro?”

"Nah, not my style." Vinny shrugged.

"Who is this guy?" Blue asked.

"Beats me." Vinny shrugged. He came out of the bar to investigate. "Hold up..." He saw something sticking out of the stallion jacket; A photo of him.

"Oh, boy..." He frowned.

Back in Ponyville, Slot arrived home, listening to music on his headphones. He went up to the bedroom to relax, only to find a very attractive Earth Pony mare lying on the bed. She had a tangerine coat, long black mane, green eyes, and a nutcracker Cutie Mark.

"Whoa." Slot gaped, pulling off the headphones. "...What the buck are you doing in my house?"

"You, hopefully." The mare purred. "What say you and I have a little fun?

"Look, miss..." Slot started.

"Nutonia." The mare smiled. "Nutonia Cracker."

"Nutonia." Slot frowned. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but I'm happily married."

"What wifey doesn't know won't hurt her." Nutonia smirked.

“Make that two wifeys, lady.” Slot growled, “Look, I’m flattered, but I know better than to think some mare broke into my house just to go to bed with me… I'm not falling for that again."

"Don't sell yourself short, handsome." Nutonia cooed.

"Sorry, but I'm not interested. And if you won't leave, I'll make you leave." Slot grabbed her hoof, trying to pull her off the bed.

"Wrong!" Nutonia suddenly flipped Slot onto the bed. She then pounced on him, locking her back legs around his midsection.

"What are you-" Slot started. Nutonia suddenly squeezed her legs tightly in an attempt to crush his hips. "Ahhhh!"

"Ohhh, does it hurt?" Nutonia grinned. She pulled out a giant pair of scissors. "Poor baby. It'll be over soon."

“What?! Scissors and killer hips?! Overkill, lady, overkill!” Slot roared, trying to push her off, only for hips to squeeze tighter. “Ahhhhh!” He was spasming.

"Just a little off the top..." Nutonia smirked, lowering the scissors down to Slot's neck. “Prepare to die… Mr. Napoleon.”

Just before Nutonia could finish the deed, Vinyl and Octavia suddenly walked into the room.

"Slot we're ho- what the?!" Vinyl yelped.

"Huh?" Nutonia turned to them, “Two wives?! The little pony was serious?!”

"What's going on?" Octavia asked.

"Not... what it... looks like..." Slot groaned. "I'm not even touching her, look!" He held up his hooves.

"Of course not." Vinyl declared. "She's trying to kill you!"

"Not on our watch!" Octavia growled.

"Back off!" Nutonia swung her giant scissors.

Vinyl leapt at Nutonia, trying to pull her off Slot, but Nutonia headbutted her.

"That's it." Nutonia growled. "Forget the scissors. I'll just squeeze the life out of him."

Nutonia's legs tightened further.

"Urrrghhhh..." Slot groaned, feeling his bones starting to break. “Not like this… anything but this…”

"No!" Vinyl yelled

"You can't!" Octavia looked around in a panic, spotting one of Slot's crossbows on the floor. She picked it up and point it at Nutonia. "Die, you witch!"

Having never fired a crossbow before, Octavia's aim was wild. The bolt flew up and struck the antler-based chandelier (which was Slot’s idea, after he had won a rather… risqué bet with his wife) hanging from the ceiling.

"Ha!" Nutonia sneered. "Is that the best you've-"

One of the chains holding up the chandelier snapped, as it swung and knocked Nutonia off Slot, skewering her, as she hung limply in midair.

"Guhhh..." Nutonia gurgled.

"Nice shot." Vinyl told Octavia.

"And you gals said an antler chandelier was a bad idea." Slot said breathlessly. "Looks like I'm owed an apology." He tenderly felt his midsection. “Oh, crap, I now know how that guy from the James Buck films felt.”

"Hold on." Octavia examined Nutonia's corpse. "She's got a picture of you."

"Me?" Slot gulped. “Oh no, this is not good.”

Over in Canterlot again Caboose and Fletcher were on patrol. So far everything had seemed peaceful, enough for the two to make idle conversation.

"Things are pretty quiet today, huh?" Caboose asked. "Almost boring, actually."

"I actually prefer quiet days." Fletcher shrugged. "It means everything is going well."

"Speaking of, how are you and Dove?" Caboose asked.

"We're doing great." Fletcher smiled. "In fact... I wanted to ask if you'd... be the best stallion at his wedding."

"Really?" Caboose asked, surprised.

"Really." Fletcher nodded. "I can't think of anypony more deserving."

"In that case, I'll do it." Caboose nodded.

"Look at us..." Fletcher smirked. "I remember when we couldn't stand each other. How far we've come."

"Yeah, remember when we were always arguing about protocol and all that?" Caboose asked.

"Or how to handle the perps?" Fletcher grinned.

"Or the time I filled your helmet with old porridge?" Caboose chuckled.

"...Wait, that was you?" Fletcher frowned.

"...Whoops." Caboose gulped.

Fletcher glared at Caboose... then burst out laughing. Relieved, Caboose joined in.

"You really got me good!" Fletcher laughed.

"I sure did!" Caboose snorted. "Just like the time-"

“Hold up.” Fletcher cut Caboose off. He gestured over to a skinny green Unicorn donning a large jacket, obviously not large enough to conceal the fact that he was carrying something in it. "You see that, Lieutenant?"

"Sure do, Cap." Caboose nodded. "Either the guy is seriously malformed or…” He then shared a worried look. “He has a bomb under that jacket.”

"Let's make sure and hope it’s the former." Fletcher declared. "Halt! Royal Guard!" He yelled, as they rushed over to the stallion.

The stallion silently cursed as he darted down the street.

"Love me a chase scene." Caboose smiled.

The pair chased their quarry down the back streets of Canterlot. The Unicorn was just barely able to stay ahead of them. As they neared an old building, Fletcher leapt at the stallion, tackling him to the ground.

"Oohhhh!" Caboose groaned. "He's gonna feel that one tomorrow!"

"Get up." Fletcher forced the stallion to his hooves, making sure to keep him from touching the bomb.

"Okay, I give already!" The stallion whined.

"Lieutenant, if you would?" Fletcher asked.

"You got it." Caboose nodded. He reached under the stallion's jacket and pulled out the bomb. "Gotcha!" He followed up by removing the explosives.

"Whatever you were planning to do with that bomb, I'm afraid your plans have been thwarted." Fletcher told the stallion.

"Good thing, too." Caboose nodded. "How bad would it have been if there was an explosion..."

As he said that, Caboose tripped a wire, resulting in a rapid ticking sound.

"Gotcha..." The bomber stallion smirked.

Immediately both Fletcher and Caboose smelt smoke, both their blood running cold.

“CABOOSE! MOVE!” Fletcher yelled, as he tossed the bomber at Caboose, just as the building behind them exploded, with Fletcher vanishing in a blast of fire and smoke. As the dust settled, Caboose emerged relatively unscathed, the bomber (knocked unconscious by the landing) held tight in his grip.

"Quick thinking there, Cap." He smiled... but didn't get an answer. "Cap?"

As the smoke cleared, Caboose saw Fletcher on the ground, major burns all over his body, with shrapnel scraping most of his body.

"Fletcher!" Caboose yelled, rushing over to him. "NO! No, no, no! Don’t die on me, man, don’t die!" He then glanced around. “HELP! We need a doctor here!”

Caboose looked around frantically, hoping for help to come, but noticed something in the bomber's jacket: A picture of himself

"No..." He whispered. "He was after me? And Fletcher paid the price... Not if I can help it!"

With some considerable strain, Caboose lifted both Fletcher and the bomber with his magic.

"Hang in there, buddy." He told Fletcher. "You've got a wedding on the way, remember!"

Caboose rushed out to the main street, passing the bomber onto the first Guard he saw, then carried Fletcher off for medical attention.

As night fell, Fletcher was in a bed at Canterlot Hospital, bandages covering his wounds. His armor had been the only thing that saved him from a worse fate. Caboose was standing by his bed, guilt-ridden.

"I'm sorry, Fletcher." He sighed. "It was my stupid fault. I tripped that wire..."

At that moment, Dove arrived.

"Oh no..." She gasped, shocked by her fiancee's condition. "Fletcher..."

Dove kneeled by Fletcher's bed, sobbing.

"Dove, I'm so sorry." Caboose tried to comfort her. "I should have looked out for him better. That bomb was meant for me… not him."

"That doesn't matter now." Doce sniffed.

"Of course it does!" Caboose yelled, starting to tear up himself. "If it weren't for me, this wouldn't have happened! It's all my fault!"

“Caboose…” Dove murmured, her tears stopping for a bit. “I want you to listen… I know you care for Fletcher, and I know it is not your fault. Fletcher saved you because you were his best friend and comrade, and he know you would had done the same for him. But right now, you need to stop blaming yourself. Just find whoever is responsible for this, and do whatever it is a mafia pony like you do. Can you do that?”

"…Gladly." Caboose nodded, his face set.

Caboose left the room, giving Dove some alone time with Fletcher. As he left, he turned to a nearby Guard.

"Guard this room." He ordered. "In case somepony comes by, looking to finish the job."

"Yes, Lieutenant." The Guard saluted.

The next morning, Caboose (pulling a few strings) had the bomber remanded to his custody, then called all the brothers to Blazin' Blues.

"This had better be good, bro." Slot nursed his still-tender midsection. "I've had a rough couple of days, and I'm in no mood for any kinda craziness."

"That depends on your reaction to this question: Has anypony tried to kill you guys lately?" Caboose declared.

"Actually, yeah." Murray nodded. "Some guy tried to snipe me."

"I was jumped by a whole bunch of thugs at the hospital." Salt declared.

"One of my taste-testers tried to poison me." Sonny frowned.

"This guy came in here and tried to shoot me." Vinny revealed.

"I was attacked by a pretty, yet unhinged young mare." Lars grimaced.

"And I nearly got squeezed to death by this hot mare with superstrong thighs and a weird name." Slot grimaced.

"Well, I almost got blown up." Caboose declared. He walked into the back room, pulling out the bomber, who was tied to a chair and gagged. "By this guy." And he then pulled up a photograph. “And he had a picture of me…” He glanced at it with a grimace. “And not my good side either.”

“So did the guys that tried to kill all of us.” Lars frowned, “It is one thing for one of them to go after one of us… but for all of us to get attacked on the same day? This can’t be a coincidence.”

"So that means... we're being targeted." Murray frowned.

"We gotta tell Grim." Sonny declared. "He could be next!"

"And let's face it, he's not exactly in the best shape to defend himself." Lars nodded.

"My point, exactly." Caboose nodded. "We gotta get moving, now!"

The brothers (and their guest) took a Guard carriage to Ponyville, and made a mad dash to the mansion. Once they reached the mansion, they banged on the door like the world was ending.

Grimoire opened the door. In his depression, he had stopped shaving. His mane was a mess, and he looked haggard.

"Geez, Grim." Slot frowned. "You look terrible."

"Do I?" Grimoire snorted. "I hadn't noticed."

"Grim, we need to talk." Murray declared.

"Can't it wait?" Grimoire asked. "I'm not really in the mood right now."

"I'm afraid not." Lars shook his head.

"And who's that?" Grimoire glanced at the bomber.

"We'll explain once we're inside." Salt declared.

"...Okay, come in." Grimoire sighed.

The brother went on to explain everything to Grimoire (Zecora was currently out at the market).

"You were all attacked?" Grimoire frowned, forgetting his own problems.

“Yeah. And they held no qualms in attacking others to get to us.” Vinny growled. “My guy shot Blue.”

“And Fletcher is in the hospital because of this bucker!” Caboose snarled, pointing to the bomber, who was tied to a chair.

“Oh, my…” Grimiore muttered, “Well, no one had tried to assassinate me yet…”

"But it may just be a matter of time." Vinny declared.

"What say we get some answers?" Salt turned to the bomber, still tied to the chair. He pulled out the gag. "Who hired you and the others?"

"I'm not telling you anything." The bomber spat.

"Let me rephrase..." Salt punched the bomber as hard as he could. "Who hired you?!"

"I won't talk." The bomber declared. "No matter what."

"You sure about that?" Slot pulled out a knife.

"Because we have ways of making you talk." Vinny put on some brass hooves.

"Do your worst." The bomber snarled.

"Gladly." Caboose scowled, as he pulled out a thick piece of rope with a hard knot at the end. "This is for you, Fletch..."

The brothers gave the bomber a serious beatdown, punching, cutting and stabbing him until he could take no more.

"Alright, I'll talk!" The bomber groaned, in an abject agony. "Look, me and all the others were hired to kill you guys. You, and all who have ever known you. Our employer was pretty specific about that."

"And who might this employer be?" Lars asked.

"I don't know." The bomber declared, as the brothers menacingly lean in. "Seriously! I didn't see his face. He was standing in the shadows when I met him!"

"Sounds like a vendetta to me." Grimoire frowned.

"There's more." The bomber declared. "A bunch of other assassins are going to go after your daughter and his boy-toy!"

"Seriously?" Slot snorted. "They're going after royalty? Please, hitponies are not that stupid as to go after public figures…"

"Wait, there's at a public event at Canterlot Castle tonight. The annual Royal open house." Lars realized. "All the royals will be there, with the doors wide open... The perfect time to strike."

“Dusty… Blueblood… they’re in danger!” Grimiore gasped, horrified for his daughter and his son-in-law’s health, “We have to stop them!"

“You ain’t gonna make it, guys.” The bomber spat. “They’re probably already dead!”

“Oh, shut up!” Caboose snarled, as he then shot a bolt through the bomber’s head.

"Boy, Caboose is pretty serious, isn't he?" Vinny asked.

"Yeah." Slot noted. "There's something I'll never get used to..."

Over in Canterlot, hours later, the affair was going smoothly. The royals were greeting and talking with their guests, and Dusty and Blueblood were no different.

"So glad you come make it." Dusty told one of the guests, the illustrious fashionista Sassy Saddles.

"It was my pleasure, your highness." Sassy bowed.

"Thanks for coming!" Blueblood smiled at Fancypants and Fleur.

"We wouldn't have missed this for the world." Fancypants grinned.

Unbeknownst to anypony, a sniper was perched above the festivities, with his crosshairs on both Dusty and Blueblood.

“Okay, I have the targets in my sight.” The sniper, a dirty green Pegasus, declared into a walkie-talkie. “Are you in position?”

The sniper's comrades were scattered about the garden.

"Roger." A burly brown Earth Pony replied.

"Roger." A scrawny blue Pegasus whispered.

"Roger." An orange Unicorn declared.

"Roger." A gray Unicorn announced.

"Good." The sniper smiled. "Then we're ready to go."

"What about those twin brats of their's?" The Earth Pony asked.

"We'll snag them during the panic after their parents are dead." The sniper replied. "Just be ready."

"Oh, we will." The blue Pegasus smiled. "For what we're getting paid, none of us will be screwing this up."

The sniper pointed his crossbow at Dusty's head.

"You'll be going first, darlin'." He smirked. "I can't wait to see the look on daddy's face." He began to squeeze the trigger...

*SHING!*

The sniper let out a small gasp… as he was cleaved in half. As the two halves (and the crossbow) dropped to the ground, Crowe emerged from the shadows, wiping the blood off his katana.

"Not on my watch." he declared.

"What was that?" The orange Unicorn asked. "What's going- ugh!"

The Unicorn was stabbed in the stomach by Kamikaze.

"Could you repeat that?" The blue Pegasus asked. "I think the connection's-"

Kong grabbed him from behind and broke his neck.

"I think we've been made." The Earth Pony declared. "Repeat, I think-"

A poison dart suddenly stuck itself in his head.

"Weeeee...." He collapsed.

The brothers arrived moments later.

"Where are they?" Grimoire frowned. "Dusty!"

"What if we're... too late?" Lars fretted.

"Don't even say that!" Murray yelled.

"Dusty!" Grimoire called again.

"Dad?" Dusty emerged from the crowd. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

"Oh, thank Faust you're safe!" Grimoire ran over and hugged her.

"Um... what's going on?" Dusty asked.

"Ah, there you are, Dusty." Blueblood joined her. He noticed his father-in-law and the others. "Grimoire, fellows, good to see you."

"You too... especially under the circumstances." Lars nodded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dusty asked. "And why do you look that way?"

"Yes, why are you all so flustered?" Blueblood asked.

"We were told you were being targeted by assassins." Sonny declared.

"You were told correctly." Crowe remarked, as he and the other dons joined them.

"Hold up a second." Salt frowned. "What are you all doing here?"

"Well, in a nutshell, we've been targeted by assassins." Zebediah revealed.

"They've been hitting our operations, our contacts... heck, Kong here lost another translator!" Kamikaze declared.

Kong bowed his head sadly.

"We figured you guys might be in line for the same kind of trouble, so we came to lend a hoof." Crowe nodded. "We figured a place like this would be the perfect opportunity for some hitpony to kill Dusty."

"Kill me?" Dusty gasped.

"And Blueblood, too." Caboose added.

"Oh, dear Faust." Blueblood cringed.

“Wait, where’s Sid?!” Grimiore looked around, “Is he okay?”

“Um, actually… we sent him to take out one of the accomplices.” Crowe joined Grimiore in glancing around. “He should be back by now…”

Sid was walking over to them, talking with the gold Unicorn about the food.

"I do like those little cheese cubes." He remarked. "The pineapple chunks, not so much."

"Me too." The Unicorn nodded. "I always feel guilty, having to leave them on the stick... huh, I feel like I'm forgetting something..."

Crowe rushed over and drop-kicked the Unicorn, knocking him out.

"Nice job, Sid." He scowled.

"Sorry." Sid cringed. "I saw him at the buffet table. I was going to attack, but I saw he had one of those cocktail stick pile things. I love those. So I helped myself to one, and we got talking. Guess I lost track of things."

"Ya think?" Kamikaze snorted.

"We better find someplace to hide until we figure out who's behind this." Zebediah declared.

"My thoughts exactly." Grimoire nodded. "Dusty, Blueblood, you need to come with us."

"Us?" Dusty asked. "What about Pureblood and Vito?"

"They'll be safe here, with the others." Murray declared. “Just make sure that you have them double the guards!”

“But what do we tell them?!” Dusty asked.

“Just inform Celestia and the others that you and Blueblood had a family emergency to tend to.” Sonny declared. “We can’t afford to get them dragged into this…”

"Come on, guys, let’s get somewhere safe before more assassins come." Crowe told him.

“Right…” Grimiore nodded, before smiling. “And… thanks for your help. You didn’t have to do that..."

"Ah, quit the mush." Kamikaze snorted.

Kong smiled brightly.

“You’re our friend, Grim. We weren’t about to let some buckholes hurt your family.” Zebediah declared.

"We mafiosos gotta stick together." Sid smiled.

"I really do appreciate it." Grimoire admitted. "It's good to know I can count on you, one last time..."

"Huh?" Crowe frowned.

"Okay, time to move out." Salt declared. "You guys coming with?"

"Might as well." Zebediah nodded. Strength in numbers, and all that..."

Acting quickly, the brothers gathered all their wives and children. Caboose ended up having Hurricane and Michael stay with Iron Hooves, trusting that the former Captain could protect them, and Redheart simply took Lightning with her, both her and Salt refusing to let her out of their sight until this whole thing blew over. Everypony gathered at the mansion, planning on the forcefield to help protect them. Once everypony was in one place, the brothers explained everything that been going on.

"We're being targeted?" May gasped.

"I'm afraid so." Murray nodded.

"What do we do, Grim?" Zecora asked. "Things are looking quite dim."

"I know." Grimoire sighed. "But we'll figure this out."

"And when we find out who's behind this, we're gonna make 'em pay!" Slot spat.

"Oh, they'll pay, alright." Caboose growled. "Going after us is one thing, but going after our friends? Our family? That's crossing the line."

"Calm down, Caboose." Daring urged, unnerved by his anger. "I know you feel responsible for what happened to Fletcher, but-"

"But nothing, Daring." Caboose snarled. "That slime's gonna pay!"

“Hey, Crowe, guys, where are we on reinforcing this place?!” Salt yelled to the dons, who were actively working in fortifying the mansion.

"Well, seeing as how we ain't liscenced contracters, we ain't doin' so hot." Kamikaze snorted.

"I'm not sure if this'll really help in the long run." Crowe frowned. "From the sound of it, whoever's behind this is determined to finish us. A little extra reinforcement might not not do us all that good."

"Who wants muffins?" Sid asked, entering from the kitchen.

"Seriously?" Kamikaze scowled. "You think snacks are gonna help right now? Are you really that dumb?"

"I'm sorry, but I bake a lot when I'm scared!" Sid declared, breathing heavily.

Zecora walked over to Zebediah, who was triple-checking the locks on the windows.

"Zeb, I must ask something of you." She declared. "What of my sister? Is she protected too?"

"Yeah." Zebediah nodded. "I know we haven't been dating too long, but I figured I couldn't take the chance. I've got all my guys put on security detail at the inn Zaria's staying at. Hopefully, it'll be enough."

"I hope so too." Zecora bowed her head. "She must be safe until this is through."

Oakley was standing guard by the door, his instincts telling him there was trouble on the horizons.

"Good ol' Oakley." Murray smiled.

"Best guard-Timberwolf I've ever seen." Salt smiled.

"So true." Grimoire chuckled.

At that moment, a parcel dropped through the mailbox. The forcefield spell had been attuned to let certain ponies pass through, like the local mailpony. It didn't stop Oakley from barking a few times, though.

"You expecting any mail, Grim?" Vinny asked.

"Not that I know of." Grimoire frowned. He opened the parcel to find a video inside, the words "Play me" printed on the label. "Looks like there's something somepony wants us to see..."

"Don't open it!" Crowe urged. "What if it's another bomb?"

"I doubt Ponyville Post Office is incompetent enough to let a bomb slip through." Lars snorted.

"I dunno..." Caboose shrugged. "This one mare is pretty spacey."

"Takes one to know one..." Slot smirked.

The tape was placed in a player, and an image flickered to live on the TV screen. They saw the inside of a warehouse, with a purple Pegasus stallion with a blue mane tied to a chair, and gagged and very bruised. The brothers recognized him instantly.

"Hey, that's Feather Fulcrum!" Sonny gasped.

"Didn't he retire a while back?" Murray frowned.

"Yeah, he did." Salt nodded.

"Hello, Napoleons." A deep, sinister voice growled, much to the viewers’ horror. "I harbor no illusions that my first wave of assassins inflicted any serious damage upon you. No matter. I'm just getting started."

"Who is that?" Lars asked.

"I don't know." Grimoire frowned. "But something about his voice is familiar..."

"I've been waiting years for my vengeance." The voice continued. "Waiting for the perfect time to strike. A time when you're at your weakest, and have the most to lose. And now that you've outed yourselves, and separated, I can think of no better time."

"Why don't you show yourself, coward!" Slot yelled at the screen.

"He can't hear you, bro." Caboose told him. "Trust me, I've made that mistake..."

"Sounds like whoever this is really hating on you guys." Zebediah declared.

"Then why bring us into it?" Kamikaze asked.

"Guilt by association?" Sid offered.

Kong frowned worriedly.

"Maybe he'll just up and tell us." Crowe mused.

"But before I destroy you, I want you to know just who is going to bring your world crashing down around you." The voice declared.

From out of the shadows emerged another familiar face: That of Striker Killsquad, the police commissioner who had tried to bring down the Napoleons all those years ago, and responsible for Clyde’s death. His face was heavilly scarred, and one of his legs looked different from the others. His body had gone old with age, but the hatred in his gaze remain the same from back then.

"No..." Grimoire gasped. "It's not possible..."

"How the buck is he still alive?" Murray spat. "Dad blew him up!"

“Killsquad?! The bucker that is out for blood against all of us is Killsquad?!” Kamikaze gaped. “Oh buck, we are so screwed…”

"I imagine you're wondering how I could have possibly survived." Killsquad declared. "Well, I almost didn't. After your wretched father blew me up, I was pulled from the wreckage by one of my loyal agents, and taken to a private hospital. It was touch and go for a while, but I was pulled back from the brink. I was put in a coma for the first few years, and in intensive care for the rest. It took years for me to fully recover, though. All those years, which I can never get back. And every minute, every second, I spent planning my revenge on the family that I had come so close to bringing down."

“Close? Not how I see it.” Murray glared.

"Being out of action for that long cost me my role as Police Commissioner." Killsquad continued. "I was out of a job, and in the state I was in, not in much of a position to get similar employment. Fortunately, I had amassed enough resources from a unknown, but generour benefactor, that I was able to devise a plan that would end you filthy crooks once and for all. My fondest dream, finally come true..."

"Somepony needs a hobby." Caboose snorted.

"I vowed to myself that I would bring down everything associated with you Napoleons." Killsquad spat. "And I will. For it is not just you eight I intend to kill. I will also see to it that your wives and your spawns are killed, that your friends like that dirty mayor…” Murray growled. “The hapless bartender…” Vinny grunted. “The Captain of the Royal Guard and his doting fiancée…” Caboose clenched his hooves, as Daring frowned with concern. “And many more. I haven’t forgotten about your friends from the other mafias…”

"Why that piece of slime..." Crowe growled.

"He wants a piece of me, I say bring it on!" Kamikaze spat.

"Let's not be too hasty." Sid cringed. "Maybe we can reason with him."

"Even if I were still in the mood, I doubt he'd be open to making a deal..." Zebediah frowned.

Kong scowled angrily.

“And once I finish all of you off, I will murder every single member of your mafia, till there is no one left to carry on your worthless name… starting with this one.”

Killsquad pulled out a crossbow, and shot Fulcrum dead in the head. Fulcrum slumped over, much to everypony’s horror.

"And I won’t be doing this alone. There are a few ponies I had come across who wish to partake in your family’s slaughter, so they will be coming along for the ride, as well as dozens upon dozens of mercenaries under my command. They will all come to end your worthless existences… and they will not stop…” Killsquad sneered. "Unless... unless Grimoire, and only Grimoire, comes to face me."

"Say what?" Murray growled.

"He can't be serious..." Sonny scowled.

"He certainly looks serious..." Lars remarked.

“Come to this address, Grimoire..." Killsquad held up a piece of card with an address written on it. "Surrender yourself to my not-so-tender mercies, and I just might let the others live. I'll be waiting..."

The video came to an end. The brothers all stood there, horrified, as well as the dons, as Sid suddenly fainted. The mares themselves began to murmur with worry, as everypony’s eyes fell on Grimoire.

'And just like that, the pony that all of us thought to be dead had come back, out for blood on everypony that ever come to know our name… and as of now, as I am writing this, I had already made my choice… I only fear that whatever happens… that no more ponies die because of this mad pony’s machinations…'

In his study, Grimoire finished his writing. Oakley whined plaintively.

"I know, buddy." Grimoire patted. "But there's only one way to end this. And it won't be pretty. But no matter the cost, Killsquad has to be stopped..."

A Simple Kind Of Stallion

'If you are reading this... then I am probably dead. Forgive me if any of this seems hard to read, because Prancingson's had been a pain in my flank this last month. But I figure I would endeavour to give you, the readers, one last chapter before I go...'

'...Despite the dangerous, risk-filled life I led for so many years, I never really gave thought as to how I would die. Sure, there are lots of ends that I wouldn't exactly call "great deaths" Choking on some food, for example, or accidentally falling out of my own bedroom window, or drowning in a tub of pudding. Whenever the thought crossed my mind, I held the hope that I would die a grand death, facing off against some great, insurmountable foe, for the glory of the mafia... that was the mobster's dream. A dream that my grandfather, my father, my many uncles and aunts, and my brothers, and yours truly strived for... but as of now, the best way to go would be to die so that the ones you love may live. Pa knowingly went into his fight with Killsquad knowing he would die, but he didn't let that stop him... in fact, he thought he took Killsquad with him... but alas, he is alive... and now, he wants to destroy us all. Well, I am going to finish this. I will settle things with Killsquad, one way or another...'

Chapter Thirty-Four: A Simple Kind Of Stallion

The family was left in a panic, as Killsquad's ultimatum loomed over their heads.

"What are we gonna do?" Sonny quivered. "What are we gonna do?!"

"Well, we can't just give Grim to Killsquad, that's for sure!" Murray said firmly.

"Maybe we should." Kamikaze suggested. "I mean, Killsquad is out to kill us all."

"And he's made it clear he's not gonna stop." Zebediah added.

"Crog selia vor tallkus." Kong declared. "Begra gou henna."

"What did he say?" Slot asked.

"I got it." Kamikaze declared.

"He does?" Lars frowned.

"'When you get right down to it, we'd be sacrificing one life for many.'" Kamikaze translated. "'It just might be worth it.'"

"And you really think Killsquad will keep his word?" Salt snorted. "Guess again."

"We've dealt with that scumbag before." Slot snarled. "He doesn't make deals, or keep his word."

"This is probably just his way of getting rid of Grim first." Vinny declared.

"A sound strategy." Lars admitted. "Without Grimoire to lead us, we would be at a serious disadvantage."

"Which is exactly why we won't do it!" Dusty said firmly. "This family sticks together!"

"Well put, darling." Blueblood nodded.

"One thing I learned during my time as Mayor; Never negotiate with terrorists." May said firmly.

"Without the head of this family, the body will die." Redheart stated.

"And we can't let that happen." Berry agreed.

"Then what should we do?" Lyra asked. "We can't hide out for the rest of our lives!"

"Maybe the Royal Guard or some other authority can find Killsquad." Bon-Bon suggested.

"Yeah, because the bad guys are always so easy to find." Daring snorted.

"She's got a point." Vinyl noted. "He's been in hiding all this time. I doubt he'll be caught anytime soon."

"So basically, it's hopeless then?" Octavia asked.

"That it would seem." Zecora admitted. "This is like some terrible dream."

Suddenly, Sid was coming to from fainting.

"Oh... what a bad dream..." Sid murmured. "I was dreaming that there was this guy who was out to kill us, and I got so scared that I fainted and wet myself."

"Sorry, sunshine." Crowe kneeled near him. "This is no dream..." He then sniffed. "And you owe the Napoleons some dry cleaning."

"Oh, great." Sid groaned. "So we're still pretty much dead!"

"He's got a point there." Sonny admitted.

"So does a knife." Slot snorted. "Doesn't mean I'll be agreeing with it."

"Times like these almost make me wish I was still a backstabbing sellout..." Zebediah cringed. "But even if I was, I doubt it'd help..."

"So now what?" Kamikaze asked. "We just sit around, waiting to die?"

"Zeewaila." Kong declared.

"Yeah, without a slop bucket." Kamikaze agreed.

"Everypony calm down." Crowe declared. "We'll figure a way out of this."

"Yeah." Murray nodded. "We always do."

"And we are the best career criminals around." Lars noted.

"If anypony can get out of this, it's us." Salt declared.

"That's the spirit!" Vinny nodded. "We're not beat yet!"

"We'll get out of this somehow." Caboose beamed. "Right, Grim?"

Grimiore was quiet and emotionless, his Prancingson's causing him to stare off into space.

"Hey, Grim!" Crowe slapped him. "Get your head into the game! We need all heads on straight if we are ever going to survive!"

"It is in the game!" Grimoire said defensively. "I was just... thinking, that's all!"

"Well try to think a little faster!" Crowe yelled. "Our lives are on the line, remember?"

"Maybe we should do something to take our minds off things." Bon-Bon suggested.

"I agree." Zecora nodded. "Perhaps I should go make some tea."

"Please, let me." Dusty told her. "You should rest up."

"She's right." Redheart nodded. "With everything that's been going on, you can't exert yourself. For the foal's sake."

"As you wish." Zecora sighed. "I shall do the sleep without fish."

As Zecora walked away, Vinyl and Octavia followed.

"We'll keep an eye on her." Vinyl declared.

"Just in case." Octavia added.

"I'll join you." May suggested.

"Come, my love." Blueblood told Dusty. "We have tea to make."

"I'd like a shot of whisky in mine." Berry sighed.

"I think I'll get some baking done." Sid declared.

"Seriously?" Daring asked.

"I bake when I'm nervous!" Sid said defensively. "And I am really nervous!"

"As for the rest of us, I suggest we put our heads together and come up with a plan." Lars declared.

"Good thinking." Grimoire nodded. "Let's get to it."

"Gladly." Crowe nodded.

"It's better than doing nothing, at least..." Kamikaze shrugged.

The brothers and the dons were up late into the night, trying to formulate some of a plan. Eventually, they decided to call it a night, and get some sleep.

The next morning, they awoke for some breakfast, only to find Grimoire hadn't joined them.

"Hey Zecora, where's Grim?" Murray asked. "Is he still in bed?"

"He is not, I fear." Zecora admitted. "I thought he was down here."

"But if he's not down here, then where- Oh, no..." Lars frowned.

"You don't think he's...?" Vinny asked.

The brothers searched all the over the mansion, finding no sign of Grimoire.

"He's gone!" Salt yelled.

"And so is that radio that was in the study yesterday." Sonny noted. "I found a back-up in the basement. Maybe we can get in contact with him."

"Let's try it." Slot nodded.

Lars twisted the dial, trying to reach Grimoire.

"Come in, Grim." He declared. "Do you read?"

"...Yeah, I read." Grimoire's voice replied. "Now kindly get off the line."

"You're going to give yourself up to Killsquad, aren't you?" Murray snarled.

"You could say that." Grimoire answered.

"Are you totally nuts?!" Slot snarled. "You can't just walk up to that whackjob and let him kill ya!"

"I can and I will." Grimoire insisted. "My mind's made up."

"Seriously, Grim?" Crowe asked.

"Yeah, I thought you were smarter than this." Kamikaze snorted.

"Frolak!" Kong yelled.

"Kong does too." Kamikaze noted.

"Don't be stupid, Grim!" Zebediah yelled.

"You can't do this!" Sid yelled.

"Actually, I do." Grimoire retorted.

"But... why?" Caboose whimpered.

"If I don't do this, then eventually, Killsquad's goons will kill us all." Grimoire declared. "It's better if I'm the only one who has to die."

"Like buck it is!" Vinny yelled.

"We won't let you do this!" Salt added.

"Please don't try and stop me." Grimoire pleaded. "I have to do this. Think of it as one last good thing I can do for his family..."

"What's he talking about?" Kamikaze asked.

"No clue." Zebediah admitted.

"Gla." Kong shrugged.

"Grim, why are you doing this?" Crowe asked. "Why are you throwing your life away?"

"Because I care about you all." Grimoire retorted. "I won't let Killsquad be the death of you. Not if I can help it. This is Grimoire, signing off."

Grimoire broke the connection, static flowing through the speaker.

Seconds later, Dusty and Zecora, entered the room.

"What's going on?" Dusty asked. "Did you find dad?"

"In a matter of speaking." Lars admitted.

"Then do not be meek." Zecora told him. "Where is he, speak!"

"He's... gone off to face Killsquad." Murray declared.

"No!" Dusty yelled.

"By himself?" Zecora gasped. "That is not good for his health!"

"Yeah, no kiddin'." Slot snorted.

"So what are we standing around for?" Vinny asked. "Let's get out there and help him!"

"That's what Napoleons do." Murray smiled, as the brothers made to leave.

"Hold it right there." Crowe stepped in front of them.

"Don't try and stop us, Crowe!" Slot yelled.

"Yeah." Caboose added. "We're going to help our brother!"

"And throw yourselves onto the fire?" Crowe asked.

"If we must!" Lars nodded.

"You go after him now, and you'll ruin everything." Crowe growled. "Don't you see? He's got a plan!"

"...You think so?" Sonny asked.

"Of course." Crowe lied. "Do you really think he'd be going alone if he didn't?"

"I guess not." Salt shrugged.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Murray smiled. "Grim's got a plan!"

"Sure he does." Crowe nodded. 'I hope you've got a plan, Grim...' He thought.

Some time later, Grimoire (wearing a heavy black jacket) reached the warehouse. Two musclebound stallions were guarding the entrance.

"I believe I'm expected." Grimoire said drily.

Silently, the brutes opened the doors. Grimoire entered, the two thugs closing the door behind him.

As he walked through the dark innards of the warehouse, Grimoire could help but reflect on everything.

'So, this is it.' He thought. 'I'm going to die.'

Grimoire's life slowly flashed before his eyes, from his carefree youth, with all the fun times he had with his brothers, including Anarchy. All those beautiful moments when they would play together, eat together, and enjoy life together. Then followed his memories of first meeting Sandy. Though their relationship had a rocky start, their love had blossomed into something wonderful, with Dusty being the fruit of that love...

Then came Clyde's death, and Grimoire's ascension into donhood. There was once a time when he had felt he would never take on the position, that he wasn't suited for it. But he was wrong; He had made an excellent don, leading their family into prosperity.

After Sandy's tragic passing, Grimoire put his all into raising his daughter with his brothers, watching her grow up to become a beautiful mare, marry a prince, and provide him with grandfoals.

Then he found love once more with Zecora, and learned that he was going to be a father again. Just the thought put a smile on his face.

Soon, it all came back, as memories of all the time he spent with his family flooded into his disease-addled mind. All he could think of was the smiling faces of everyone he loved... Sandy... Zecora... Dusty... Caboose, Murray, Sonny, Salt, Lars, Vinny, and Slot... and how much it would hurt knowing he will never see those smiling faces again after today...

Grimiore had to stop for a moment, as tears began streaming down his face, the reality of his situation becoming more and more real... he was going to die...

'Such a good life.' He thought, trying his best to regain composure. 'One that's about to end...'

Grimoire continued his march, feeling as if he was marching to his execution.

As he reached the rear of the warehouse, Killsquad emerged from out of the shadows.

"So... we finally meet again." Killsquad smirked.

"Killsquad..." Grimiore gave a small grunt. "You look... different..."

"Of course I do." Killsquad scowled. "Your wretched family did this to me..." He then turned his head, showing a major burn scar that made it seem like it was nothing but blood and skull,."It took me years to get to this horrid thing I had become because of you... and furthermore..." He held up his odd hoof, and much to Grimoire's surprise, it was clearly an prosthetic hoof. "I lost a hoof as well. I became a sham of who I was once was..."

"You seem to be doing just fine now if you have money to kill us." Grimiore growled.

"Well, believe it or not, Napoleon, I am not the only one who want you dead." Killsquad smirked.

"Are you refering to our 'enemies'?" Grimiore asked.

"Oh no... these ponies who I am referring are much more powerful than those scum. They saw you as viable threat, and with their support, I was able to get back on my hooves, and put myself back together... just so I can kill you." Killsquad sneered.

"And who are those ponies?" Grimiore glared.

"That doesn't matter...all that does matter is today, I will finally have justice." Killsquad smirked.

"Hardly." Killsquad snorted. "They all chose to associate with you criminal scum of their own volition. For that, they shall be punished. And you will finally pay for your crimes!"

"And what of your crimes?" Grimoire asked. "All the evil you've committed in the name of 'justice'. You're not even a stallion of the law anymore! You're just some psycho vigilante! All you want is to kill me!"

"And it seems I got there just in time." Killsquad smirked.

"...What?" Grimoire growled.

"I recognized your 'condition' the moment you walked in here." Killsquad chuckled darkly. "I can see the dread in your eyes, just as I did with Clyde."

"That doesn't matter." Grimoire snarled. "We have a deal to complete. You got me, so leave the others alone."

"Please." Killsquad smirked. "I had no intention of keeping my word. In fact, there are a few 'old friends' of yours coming to pay your new mansion a visit as we speak."

"But... why demand my prescence here, if you were already planning to attack the mansion?" Grimoire asked.

"Because I knew you'd come." Killsquad declared. "And I wanted the pleasure of killing you myself."

"You rat..." Grimiore snarled, as he then held up his hooves. "Well, here I am! So come and get me!"

"Just one thing, first..." Killsquad grinned. Instantly, he suddenly ripped off Grimoire's jacket, which had several grenades strapped to the insides. "Well, well. Trying to go out with a bang, just like dear old dad? Nice try, Napoleon. I'm not falling for that one again."

He chucked it aside, and shove Grimiore back.

"Let's end this, right here, right now!" Killsquad roared.

"Gladly!" Grimoire roared back.

Back at the mansion, the brothers and all the others were trying to fend off their worries. More than one of them were afraid Grimoire's "plan" would fail, costing him his life.

"I can't believe we're just standing here, waiting for something to happen." Sonny frowned.

"It's all we can do." Murray shrugged.

"What if... Grim doesn't make it?" Vinny asked.

"Don't talk like that." Caboose declared. "He'll make it. He always does..."

Suddenly, the front doors began shaking violently.

"What the buck?" Slot frowned. "Who the-?"

The doors shook again, on the verge of breaking.

"What's going on?!" Crowe snarled.

"Put your backs into it!" A familiar voice yelled.

"Is that just me or did that sound a lot like..." Zebediah murmured.

The doors finally broke down, as suddenly, strolling through the door was none other than the disgraced don of Grimiore's group, Zugzwang.

"Zugzwang?!" Crowe, Zebediah, Kamikaze, and Kong gaped.

"Hello, traitors." Zugzwang smirked. "Didn't expect to see me out of prison so soon?"

"...But how..." Crowe gasped.

"Killsquad." Zugzwang answered swiftly. "He broke me and the others out and promised us a buttload of cash to kill you... and after how you threw me under the bus, I am eager to do just that, and rebuild my empire!"

"Wait... others?" Murray cringed.

"He means us..."

Suddenly, Tong and Rhys, the two Zebediah had teamed up with and attacked Grimiore, stepped out from behind him.

"Oh no..." Zebediah frowned.

"Oh, yes, dear friend..." Rhys sneered.

"We're itching for that billion bits we never got from harvesting that old coot." Tong growled.

"Save some for me!"

Lars perked up as Slugfest, the thug Lars had 'failed' to defend in court, joined the other three.

"Slugfest..." Lars seethed.

"Ready to be discharged, Lars?" Slugfest sneered.

The surviving members of the Gentlecolts walked in.

"Remember us?" Mr Suave asked.

"Yeah." Slot nodded. "Weren't there more of you?"

"Very funny." Mr Manly snarled.

"This is the day of our vengeance." Mr Debonair growled.

"You will pay for what you did to the others." Mr Sophisticated declared.

"And pay dearly." Mr Charm added.

"With interest." Mr Finesse smirked.

"We'll mop the floor with you!" Mr Clean sneered.

"Well, this is turning out to be a party." Salt deadpanned. "Who else did you bring?"

"Oh, everypony was invited to this party." Zugzwang smirked, as several mercenaries and crooked cops filed into the mansion.

"Oh, it's a party alright." Zugzwang smirked. "A farewell party."

"How did you all get past the forcefield?" Lars gasped.

"We have our ways." Zugzwang smirked, holding up a hi-tech device. "Magic disruptor. Pretty nifty, huh?"

"So...you all want to kill us?" Caboose glanced around. "Huh, I knew we had enemies, but not this much."

"You ruined our lives, all of you." Mr Suave snarled. "Foiled our plans, had us thrown in jail..."

"Too bad for you, we were broken out by our mutual benefactor." Rhys declared. "One who sees the value in having us on his side. One who's giving us our biggest payday ever."

"And we get to kill you all as a bonus." Slugfest smirked. "Especially you, Lars."

"Get ready." Rhys sneered. "Because it's almost time to pu-"

"If you say 'purge', I swear to Faust I will bucking end you right here and now!" Tong snarled.

"...Nopony appreciates a good catchphrase these days..." Rhys pouted.

"Sid, get the mares, kids and Blueblood down to the basement!" Murray yelled. "Protect them with your life!"

"Y-you can count on me!" Sid nodded. He was relieved to be given such a job, as seeing all those thugs at once terrified him. "Come on, everypony! You heard the stallion!"

"But can't we help?" Bon-Bon asked.

"This isn't your fight." Sonny said solemnly.

"Sonny is correct." Lars nodded. "This is our mess, and we need to clean it up ourselves."

"Okay." Lyra nodded. "Good luck!"

"Go ahead." Zugzwang snorted. "Hide them away. We'll just deal with them after you're all dead."

"Big words, 'traitor'." Kamikaze spat, drawing his sword. "Let's see if you can back 'em up!"

"Gladly." Zugzwang smirked.

"Enough talk!" Tong declared. "Kill them all!"

The thugs, mercenaries, assassins and crooked cops charged at the brothers and dons.

"Hold the line, everypony!" Murray yelled. "Don't let them pass!"

What followed was a clash of epic proportions, the Napoleons and their allies against some of the worst criminal filth the world had to offer.

"Banzaiiii!" Kong yelled. He leapt into the air and bodyslammed three thugs at once.

"Nice." Kamikaze smirked, as he cut down a crooked cop. "Sometimes, I don't mind when you throw your weight around..."

"You come after us? Fine." Murray declared, punching out a thug.

"But you come after our family?" Salt punched another.

"Our friends?" Vinny drop-kicked a third.

"That's crossin' the line, chumps!" Slot roared, breaking the leg of another.

"And you all gotta pay for that!" Caboose, blasting a fifth with his magic.

As the battle continued, Zebediah was jumped by Tong, who pinned him to the floor.

"Time to die, you striped weasel." He spat, raising a knife.

"Do your worst." Zebediah snarled. "I won't beg."

"Pity." Tong shrugged. "I was looking forward to that."

Just as Tong was about to lower the knife, Oakley leapt upon him with a savage bark.

"Ahh!" Tong cried, Oakley pinning him to the ground. "Let me go, you stupid-"

Oakley started mauling Tong.

"YAHHHH!" Tong screeched, as Oakley started to tear him apart.

"Good boy." Zebediah smiled.

His work done, Oakley charged off to attack some other enemies.

"Well, well." Rhys smirked. "Ol' Zeb. I was hoping for some one-on-one time with you."

"So was I." Zebediah admitted.

"I'm gonna purge you once and for all." Rhys taunted.

"Oh, enough with all this 'purge' talk!" Zebediah roared. "This is why nopony likes you!"

"Shut up!" Rhys charged him.

Zebediah caught Rhys' punch, and hit back with one of his own.

"I'm gonna make you pay for stabbing me in the back and trying to kill Grimm." Zebediah yelled.

"Pretty rich, coming from you." Rhys snorted.

"I've changed a little since then." Zebediah declared, pulling out a bowie knife. "Let me show you how much!"

"Bring it!" Rhys yelled, drawing a machete.

A back and forth blade fight ensued. Rhys' weapon had the advantage in terms of sheer size, but Zebediah's was far less unwieldy, allowing him to make quick and precise slashes while ducking Rhys' own blade. With one good swing, Zebediah slashed Rhys' hoof.

"Ahh!" Rhys yelped, dropping the machete.

"You're the one who's being 'purged' today!" Zebediah plunged the knife into Rhys' chest.

"Not like this..." Rhys' coughed up some blood. "Not with my own damn catchphrase..."

"Sorry, Rhys." Zebediah smirked. "I say it better than you.."

"Low-down... double-crossing..." Rhys collapsed, dead.

"Not anymore." Zebediah pulled the knife out. "I've chosen a side. And I'm sticking with it, no matter what."

Slugfest tackled Lars to the floor, punching him repeatedly.

"Your fancy 'Chewbuccka Defense isn't much use now, is it, Mr know-it-all?" Slugfest taunted him. "You shoulda gotten me off. Then I wouldn't have had to do this!"

Slugfest made to punch Lars again, but he caught the blow. Then he flipped the stallion over, putting him in a half-nelson.

"The jury recognises your face in the floor!" Lars rammed Slugfest's face into the floor.

"Ugh!" Slugfest spat. "You-"

Lars started pummelling Slugfest.

"You brought this on yourself, Slugfest." Lars snarled. "You shouldn't have stolen that money."

"You shouldn't have betrayed me!" Slugfest yelled. "I trusted you!"

"You are breaking my heart." Lars snorted. "In return, I'll break your leg!"

Lars snapped Slugfest's leg.

"YAHHH!" He screamed.

"Slugfest, I find you guilty of the crime of betraying your own equinity." Lars announced, holding up a knife. "The sentence is death."

Lars stabbed Slugfest in the neck, killing him.

"Court is adjourned." He said coldly.

Mr Suave charged at Murray, knocking him down and knocking away his crossbow.

"It's a pity the boss wanted to have Grimoire for himself." He admitted. "But you'll do for a runner-up prize."

"Wanna bet?" Murray lunged at him.

The two stallions struggled, before Murray managed to kick Suave away. Suave recovered, and pulled a knife.

"Game over." He snarled.

As Suave closed in, Murray spotted his crossbow under a table.

"Yahhh!" Suave lunged at him.

Murray used his magic to pull the crossbow to him, then fired a bolt into Suave's heart at point-blank range.

"Yep." He nodded. "And you lose."

Meanwhile, Mr Manly rounded on Caboose.

"Ready for round two?" He asked. "I have more proof of my machoness, if you'd care to try me."

"No talk." Caboose snarled. "Just fighting."

"As you wish!" Mr Manly roared.

The two engaged in a brutal fight. At one point, Manly got Caboose in an armlock, intending on breaking the appendage.

"I told you I was tougher than you!" He boasted.

"Wrong." Caboose turned his head sharply, stabbing Manly in the stomach with his horn. "You just don't have the guts."

"Urk!" Manly gurgled, dropping to the floor.

At the same time, Lars and Sonny took on Debonair and Sophisticated.

"We're gonna pay you back for what you did to Savoir and Courtesy." Debonair growled.

"We've already got a hole ready for you." Sophisticated glared.

"We're not afraid of you." Lars declared.

"Bring it." Sonny snarled.

The four stallions engaged in a massive two-on-two, which ended when Lars and Sonny grabbed them by the heads, and slammed them into each other.

"Nicely done." Lars smiled.

"Thanks." Sonny smiled. "Now let's finish it."

The brothers pulled out their knives and stabbed their foes, ending their evil once and for all.

"Die, you-urk!" Mr Charm gagged, as Vinny jabbed a broken bottle in his neck.

Mr Finesse flipped and cartwheeled all around Salt.

"I learned that from a Chineigh stallion." He taunted.

Salt vaulted over Finesse and knocked him out as he turned.

"I just made that up." He smirked.

Mr Clean clamped his hooves around Slot's throat.

"Don't worry." He told him. "I specialise in clean deaths."

"Funny." Slot gagged. "I don't!"

Slot grabbed a letter opener and slit Clean's throat.

"Gurrr..." Clean groaned, as blood spilled over the floor.

"Yeesh." Slot cringed. "I don't envy whoever has to clean that up..."

Meanwhile, Grimoire and Killsquad were about to start their own battle.

"I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to this." Killsquad smirked. "My crowning glory..."

"Enough with the gloating monologues." Grimoire scowled. "Just shut up and fight!"

"As you wish." Killsquad snarled.

Killsquad charged forward. Grimoire moved to the left. As Killsquad moved to counter him, Grimoire suddenly shifted to the side, and punched him.

"Ah..." Killsquad rubbed his jaw. "Good to see the Prancingson's hasn't totally robbed you of your wits just yet. It wouldn't be much of a victory if I beat up a drooling vegetable."

"We'll see who ends up a vegetable." Grimoire snarled. "One of us will be going into the dirt when this is over, and it won't be me."

"Wanna bet?" Killsquad spat. He lashed out, catching Grimoire on the chin. "What's the matter? Reflexes not what they were?"

"Come a little closer and find out." Grimoire taunted him.

Back at the mansion, the brothers and dons were occupied with the lesser thugs, giving Zugzwang and two others (a mercenary and a dirty cop) a chance to slip away.

"I know I said we'd deal with your gals last, but I'm an impatient sort." He smirked.

Zugzwang kicked open the door to the basement, strolling down the steps.

"Hello, there." He smirked. "Ready to die?"

"Oh no." May gasped.

"How'd he get past the others?" Berry asked.

"Never you mind." Zugzwang smirked. "You gotta start worrying about yourselves..."

"Hold it right there!" Sid yelled, brandishing a crossbow.

"So you're my replacement." Zugzwang remarked. "You're even scrawnier than I heard."

"I mean it!" Sid yelled. "Stop, or I'll shoot!"

"Go ahead." Zugzwang sneered. "I dare ya!"

"S-stay where you are!" Sid trembled. He didn't really want to shoot, hoping his bluster would drive his enemy off. "I mean it!"

"A real Mafioso would have already fired." Zugzwang taunted him. "What are you, some kind of coward?"

"AH! Die, you evildoer!" Sid screamed as he fired all his bolts at once.

"Wow..." Zugzwang declared. "Never before in my life..." He was revealed to be completely unscathed. His comrades too. "...Have I seen somepony miss all his shots at point-blank range. Too bad for you, I never miss..."

"Um...ah..." Sid murmured, completely freaked out.

"Time to end this." Zugzwang pulled out his crossbow...

"Please don't kill me!" Sid quivered. "Kill them instead! I don't wanna die!"

"What?!" Lyra gasped.

"Besides, they're more important than me!" Sid declared. "Killing them will be way better for your rep!"

"Oh, thanks a lot, Sid!" Dusty rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, guys! I don't know what to do!" Sid cried, "I really am pathetic!"

"Yeah, you kinda are. And while I appreciate the offer of offing that damn zebra mare that ruined my life and got my chimera killed first..." He gave a death glare at Zecora. "I have to make a point about what happened when stallions think they can replace me with some loser!" He grabbed Sid by the throat. "Good thing I learned a few things in prison for this occassion."

"Ho-hold on one moment." Sid held up a hoof, trying to catch his breath.

"What?!" Zugzwang snarled, his grip tightening.

"I d-don't know what Killsquad is paying you, and I doubt I can top it..." Sid frowned, when he then pulled out three cream puffs. "I have samples for a new pastry I had been testing, and I can promise that they are sinfully delicious. It comes in three flavors..."

"Now he's feeding them?" Bon-Bon snarled.

"I ought shove those cream puffs where the sun don't shine..." Daring growled.

"Ooh, cream puffs." Zugzwang smiled. "Aren't you a regular culinary whizz?"

"Um, aren't we supposed to be killing someponies?" The mercenary asked.

"Having a little pre-murder snack wouldn't hurt." Zugzwang shrugged.

"He has a point." The crooked cop admitted.

The three stallions took bites out of the pastries.

"Mmm, not bad." Zugzwang admitted.

"Tasty." The mercenary declared.

"There's a flavor here I can't quite... quite..." The crooked cop suddenly went mute.

"What's wrong?" The mercenary asked.

The cop's body went stiff, his face frigid...as he fell to the ground like a plank of wood.

"What the buck?!" Zugzwang gaped.

"What the-!" The mercenary started... only for his head to explode.

"Good heavens!" Blueblood yelped.

"His head did explode!" Zecora gasped. "Well, this does not bode!"

"That's putting it mildly." Lyra declared, while the others simply stared, open-mouthed.

"Yahhh!" Zugzwang yelped. "What the buck's going on?"

"The secret's in the frosting." Sid declared. "But I'll never tell..."

"You... you poisoned these?!" Zugzwang threw the remainder of his pastry to the floor. "You sneakin- HURRRRGH!" He suddenly vomited copiously.

"Ugh, gross." Vinyl gagged.

"HURRRRGH!" Zugzwang threw up again.

"Did you really think I'd betray my friends that easily?" Sid asked. "I may not be this super-skilled, cold-blooded killer, but I know what loyalty means."

"You- HURRRRGH!" Zugzwang heaved once more.

"Who's the pathetic one now?" Sid taunted.

Zugzwang sputtered as he attempted to give him a rude gesture, trying to mouth 'buck you', as his eyes rolled back in his head. He fell back, and expired.

"Well, that takes care of that." Sid smirked.

"Whoa." Daring gaped. "That was... pretty hardcore."

"Thank you." Sid nodded. "I thought so too."

"You really had us going with that 'spineless coward' act." Redheart declared.

"It wasn't totally an act." Sid admitted. "I was utterly terrified back there. But I'd never give up the lives of the innocent to save my own skin."

"Lucky for us, huh?" Octavia chuckled.

Dusty suddenly stepped forward.

"Hold up." Sid frowned. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Dusty asked. "I'm going up there to help."

"But we were told to stay down here, my darling." Blueblood reminded her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay down here while my family are fighting for their lives." Dusty frowned. "I'm a Napoleon by blood. I should be up there, with my family. And nothing any of you say will stop me."

"Then I shan't bother trying." Blueblood declared. "Instead, I will come with you. I can't let you throw yourself into the fray alone."

"Thanks, Blue." Dusty smiled.

"I haven't known Grim for that long, but you're clearly his daughter." Sid sighed. "I won't stop you either. Just try not to get too badly hurt. Grim'd kill me."

"I'll try." Dusty chuckled, as she and Blueblood climbed the stairs.

The battle was still going on. Both sides were too busy to notice Zugzwang's absence, let alone that Dusty and Blueblood were moving in. One of the thugs jumped Crowe from behind, putting him in a headlock.

"Get... offa... me..." Crowe choked, trying to throw him off.

"Taking you day won't just earn me a hefty payday, it'll make me the most feared assassin around." The stallion smirked, readying a knife.

"Not so fast!" Dusty struck the stallion in the back of the head, making him lose his grip.

Crowe fell to the ground, wheezing.

"Well, well." The thug smirked. "If it isn't Grimoire's little girl. This oughta be fun..."

"More than you think, rogue." Blueblood joined Dusty.

"And the prissy husband, too." The thug chuckled. "This must be my lucky day."

The thug swung his knife at Dusty, who caught his hoof mid-swing.

"How did-?" The thug gaped.

"I'm Grimoire's little girl, remember?" Dusty smirked, tilting his hoof so the knife dropped.

Dusty punched the thug, knocking him back.

"You little..." He snarled.

"That's my wife you're talking to!" Blueblood kicked him. "Not bad for a 'prissy husband', eh?"

"Oh, you're both dead!" The stallion roared.

The stallion charged them, but they quickly dodged, then struck both with pummelling blows of their own. Finally, they struck him with a double uppercut, taking him down.

"We always did make a good team, my dear." Blueblood grinned.

"We sure did." Dusty agreed.

"Well, look who decided to join us." Sonny noted.

"Hardly surprising, really." Lars sighed.

"Thanks for the back-up, kid." Crowe told Dusty. "You too, Princey."

"Glad to help." Blueblood smiled.

"Besides, you're like family too." Dusty declared. "And I won't let any of my family get hurt."

"Me neither." Crowe grinned. "Now let's get back to kicking flank!"

"Gladly." Blueblood nodded.

The three of them leapt back into the fray.

Meanwhile, Grimoire and Killsquad were still fighting their hardest. Unfortunately, Grimoire's hardest was lacking. He misjudged a lunge, missing Killsquad, who capitalised by elbowing him in the back.

"I almost feel sorry for you, Grimoire." Killsquad sneered. "Slowly losing all your skill and talent, to the point where you can barely even operate anymore... I wonder if this is how your father felt at the end? Weak, slow, useless... no wonder he blew himself up. He took the coward's way out, like the spineless yellowbelly he really was."

"How dare you!" Grimoire tackled him. "Never talk about my father that way!"

"I'm surprised you can even remember him at this point." Killsquad taunted him. "But I'll help you get reacquainted real soon, if you catch my drift..."

Back at the mansion, the remaining attackers, realising the battle was lost, attempted to flee.

"Let's get out of here!" An assassin yelped.

"I don't get paid enough for this!" One crooked cop declared.

"Yeah, that's it!" Vinny yelled.

"Beat it!" Slot gloated.

"And don't come back!" Salt added.

"Unless you call first!" Caboose called.

The would-be assassins ran out the front doors... only to find the rest of the Napoleon mafia waiting for them.

"Well, what do we have here?" Gregory smirked.

"Some punks looking for trouble." Big Guns declared.

"Well, they found it..." Carapace declared.

"Uh-oh..." The crooked cop gulped.

"Get 'em!" Gregory roared.

The mafia members charged the remaining thugs, pummelling them with all their might.

"What the-?" Crowe asked, as he and the others came out. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Why do you think?" Gregory declared. "With everything that was going on lately, we figured this'd be where the action was."

Unfortunately, at the same time, Grimoire was starting to lose his edge. His fighting was getting slow and sloppy.

"Finally starting to tucker out, eh?" Killsquad sneered. "Now the real fun begins!"

Killsquad tackled Grimoire, and started pounding him mercilessly.

"What's the matter, Grim?" Killsquad taunted as he punched him. "You losing your touch!"

"Ugh!" Grimoire groaned as Killsquad punched him again. He was doing his best to hang on, but his reserves were almost spent...

Back at the mansions, the others were celebrating their victory.

"We did it!" Dusty squealed as they entered the study.

"Was there any doubt in your mind?" Murray smirked.

"Not mine!" Caboose smiled.

"Or mine!" Slot chest-bumped Caboose, knocking him into the bookcase. Grimoire's memoirs dropped down onto the floor.

"Hey, isn't that the book Grimoire's writing?" Salt asked.

"That is the book, it does look." Zecora noted.

"Let's take a peek." Vinny declared. "See what's in there. Y'know, make sure he's painting us in the right way for the public."

"Okay." Caboose nodded. "Hey, there's the stuff about the battle against Red Eclipse! All the trouble I had with Fletcher..."

"My beef with Cavallo..." Murray joined in.

"My match with Sugar Rein..." Salt added.

"My little midlife crisis..." Sonny mused. The dons and the other mares glanced at him, "Long story..."

"The case against Luxury..." Lars read.

"The little feud I had with those squares." Vinny frowned.

"And how I came to get two wives." Slot smirked, "Still proud of that."

"Hey, even I am in here!" Sid smiled, "And so are the others!"

The dons joined in on the reading.

"What?!" Kamikaze snarled. "He said that about me?! The nerve..."

"I think he was right on the money." Zebbediah admitted. "About all of us. Hey look, there's the part about Oakley..."

"Hey..." Crowe frowned. "There is something going on in the later pages..."

"Yeah, the writing is getting all screwy." Caboose frowned. "And... are those spelling errors? Grimoire is a pro at spelling! He wouldn't make mistakes like these!"

"Caboose is right." Lars noted. "Grimoire's writing is steadily becoming more ineligible by the page..."

"...Skip to the end." Sonny frowned. "Quick."

Caboose complied, and they read the final passage.

"'I will settle things with Killsquad, one way or another...'" Murray read. "What does he...?"

"Oh no." Slot frowned. "He's not plannin' on comin' back...is he?"

"Probably because he figures a death in battle is better than the Prancingson's." Salt declared.

"The what?" Dusty frowned.

"What do you mean?" Zecora asked. "What do you know that we have not seen?"

The brother looked at each other, then decided to talk.

"Well, Grimoire has Prancingson's Disease." Vinny confessed.

"...What?" Dusty whispered, "I... Prancingson's?"

"Grimiore...is dying?" Blueblood gaped. "No... that can't be... Grim... he..."

"I don't believe what I'm hearing." Zecora gasped. "Why would Grimoire not tell me about his death nearing?"

"He just wanted to protect you." Lars declared.

"And us." Sonny nodded. "We only found out because Vinny overheard him talking to his doctor."

At the same time, Caboose found a letter attached to the back page. he opened it, ever so curious and began reading.

"Protect us?!" Dusty frowned. "How long has this been going on?!"

"Well, according to the book..." Kamikaze read through the book. "It was shortly after Blueballs found out that Grimm offed his dad."

"...That was four buckin' months ago!" Dusty trembled, beside herself with fury. "All these months, my dad was dying, and he didn't think to tell me?! And you guys didn't bother telling me?!"

"Hey, would you rather that we tell you or Grim himself?" Vinny deadpanned.

"That doesn't matter!" Dusty roared. "Buck him protecting us, he's the one who needs protecting!"

"Yes, we must make haste." Zecora declared. "Before his life goes to waste."

"I'm sorry, ladies, but you're not going anywhere." Murray declared.

"What?" Dusty scowled.

"What do you mean?" Zecora asked. "To stop us, why are you so keen?"

"Well, one, Zecora, you are pregnant." Salt began. "And two, Grimoire chose this path, and we have to respect that choice. No matter what."

"How can you call yourselves his brothers if you're just going to let him die?" Dusty growled.

"Because Grim wants it this way." Sonny declared. "That how our pa wanted it when he died..."

"If he wishes to die today, rather than endure weeks of suffering, it's his decision." Lars nodded.

"And what of his wife?" Zecora snarled. "I have no say in him throwing away his life?"

"Look, you're not going anywhere." Slot said fiercely.

"Yes, we are!" Dusty yelled. "And you can't stop us!"

"Wanna bet- wait." Salt frowned. "Where's Caboose?"

"He was right here." Daring frowned. "Caboose!"

"Hang on." Lars lit up his horn, using a spell to search for Caboose's own magic. "I can't detect him anywhere in the mansion."

"And where's that other radio?" Vinny asked.

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me..." Murray growled. "That idiot..."

"Wait, what's this?" Sonny picked up the letter. "'After I have shuffled off this mortal coil, the duty of leading this mafia will go to-' Caboose?!"

"Him?" Slot snorted. "Grim chose him to be the new don? He must really be senile right now..."

"Caboose wouldn't want that." Vinny frowned.

"Which is probably why he left." Lars realised. "He's going to try and save Grimoire!"

Meanwhile, running faster than any normal pony thought possible, Caboose was speeding through the Everfree Forest, through the plains outside Ponyville, the bridge leading to Manehattan... all in a matter of minutes.

Eventually, Caboose was outside the warehouse, when suddenly, his radio crackled to life.

"Caboose, come in!" Lars called.

"Not now." Caboose snarled.

"You have to come back!" Murray urged. "Now!"

"You can't help Grim!" Sonny declared. "You'd just be giving Killsquad another victim!"

"You'll be outmatched!" Salt told him.

"Come back, please!" Vinny pleaded.

"Don't be an idiot for once!" Slot added.

"Sorry, guys." Caboose said sternly. "Grimoire needs me."

With that, Caboose shut off the transceiver.

Caboose rushed over to the warehouse. The two guards moved to stop him.

"Hey, you can't-" One started, before Caboose punched him out.

"Says who?" Caboose yelled, bringing the other down with a kick.

Caboose burst into the warehouse. The other thug rushed to attack, but he was like a pony possessed, taking down each one with quick, precise blows. Even when they all piled onto him at once, he brushed them aside like ragdolls. Every blow served to make make him strike back harder, each foe just another obstacle to push aside. All their assaults did was make him more and more determined to save his brother.

By the time Caboose reached the back of the warehouse, Grimiore was struggling to get away from Killsquad, badly bruised.

"I always wondered what would break first..." Killsquad smirked, as he then grabbed Grimiore, lifting him overhead.

"Your spirit..."

Caboose threw a now dead body of another guard through the door, and rushed in, just as he saw Grimoire being held in the air.

"Grim!" Caboose gasped.

"Or your body!" Killsquad roared, as he slammed Grimoire''s back against his knee.

"Ughhh!" Grimoire groaned, as he fell to the ground.

"NOOOOOOO!" Caboose screamed, rushing over and kneeling at his side. "Grim!"

"Well, well." Killsquad sneered. "Little brother to the rescue. Too bad you're just a little late..."

"No..." Caboose murmured, as he then glared viciously at Killsquad. "You'll pay for that, you sicko!"

"Ah, you must be dear little Caboose. Clyde's little boy." Killsquad smirked. "It was a shame I didn't get to meet you before... but I guess daddy thought you too small to be playing with the big boys."

"You buckhole..." Caboose growled, as he stood up and took battle position, "In a few days, you terrorized my brothers, put my best friend in the hospital, and now, you cripple my dear big brother? I am going to kick. Your. Butt."

"Go ahead and try, little boy." Killsquad grinned evilly. "You have no idea how powerful I am. I have trained my body to the peak of physical perfection, mastered all sort of combat styles. I am one of the most ruthless and unrelenting fighters around. What could you possibly have that can best me?"

"Only one thing." Caboose snarled, as out of nowhere, he pulled out his trusty cannon, Sheila 2.0, "Eat cannon fodder, motherfu-"

*BOOM!*

Killsquad barely had time to react, as he slowly glanced down, and saw a gaping hole where his chest used to be. He then glanced at Caboose, stupefied by what just happened.

"Ugh..." Killsquad gurgled, growing wobbly. "You... cheated..."

Killsquad collapsed to the floor. With the obstacle removed, Caboose rushed over to Grimoire. He lifted his brother's battered body up and propped him against the wall.

"C-c-caboose?" Grimoire slurred.

"Don't speak, Grim..." Caboose murmured, as he looked him over, "Oh crap, that butthole pulled a 'Bane' on you. Only guys with those wierd face masks can do that!"

"Caboose...why did you save me...?" Grimoire wheezed.

"You're my brother, you dope!" Caboose growled. "I didn't just massacre a warehouse full of guards because I get off on it!"

"...You found...my letter...didn't you?" Grmiore deadpanned.

"Ya damn right I did!" Caboose growled. "Why the buck would you choose me to be your successor?! I've proven time and time again that I would screw things up!"

"True..." Grimoire nodded. "But you've got the heart to watch over our organisation. You care about the ponies around you. I knew I could trust you to keep them safe."

"But I don't want to be the don!" Caboose snarled. "You're the don! You always were the don! You're the only one who can lead this family!"

"Not anymore." Grimoire shook his head. "I'm not long for the world... my mind...it's so broken that I can't remember anything..."

"That's not true!" Caboose growled, though it was turning into a whimper. "You remember me, don't you? And Murray, Sonny, Salt, Lars, Vinny, Slot! And you can't forget Zecora or Dusty! You know, your wife and your daughter! And what about the other dons?!"

"...Caboose... do you have a transceiver? Killsquad broke my other one..." Grimiore asked weakly.

"Yeah." Caboose held it up. "Why?"

"I want to share some last words with my family." Grimoire declared.

"D-don't talk like that." Caboose shuddered. "It's not over! Not yet!"

"Caboose, please..." Grimoire pleaded.

"Okay." Caboose held up the transceiver, dialling it to the mansion's frequency. "Go ahead."

"Hey, everypony." Grimoire croaked.

Back at the mansion, Grimoire's words filtered through.

"Dad!" Dusty smiled.

"My darling Grim!" Zecora cheered. "It really is him!"

"Oh, thank Faust." Blueblood sighed. "He's okay."

"Bro, you're alive." Murray smiled.

"Not for long, I'm afraid." Grimoire wheezed. "Killsquad really did a number on me..."

"Don't say that." Salt declared. "You'll pull through. You always do..."

"Not this time..." Grimoire wheezed. "Now, just listen... I have some things I'd like to say...first off...and I'm sure you all know... I have Prancingson's... just like Pa before me."

"Yeah, we, uh... had an idea." Vinny admitted.

"I know I should have told you all... but I didn't want to be a burden." Grimiore sighed.

"That would never happen..." Murray sniffed. "Never..."

"Regardless, I have to say these words before I forget... Crowe... Kamikaze... Zebediah... Kong... and Sid... I'd just like to say that it was a privilege working with you." Grimoire smiled. "Every one of you...I admit, I know my ways differ greatly from yours... but I appreciate that you stood by me even at our worst moments, including now..."

"Grim, you legend..." Crowe declared.

"I'll miss you, buddy..." Zebediah frowned, "Now I really feel like crap for all those backstabbin' I did..."

"We didn't always see eye to eye, but I always respected you..." Kamikaze admitted, "Even though you annoy the living crap out of me..."

"I'll never forget you." Sid pledged, "You or your kindness..."

"Zoogar." Kong said. Loosely translated, the word meant 'Rest in peace, honored friend'.

"And now, my brothers. You helped me through the rough times, always standing by me. And you were all such an inspiration. Murray, always the straight arrow..."

"Grim..." Murray sniffed.

"Salt, never afraid to fight for what you believe in..."

"Don't give up." Salt urged, trying to keep his tears in, "You gotta keep goin'"

"Vinny, always so creative. All those wines you made...and your incredible wit."

"Ah, geez..." Vinny covered his eyes.

"Lars, I always respected your brains. You could think your way out of anything..."

"Grimoire..." Lars sighed.

"Sonny, your kindness always reminded me to show mercy once in a while..."

"If only there was mercy for you." Sonny began silently sobbing.

"Slot, never afraid to speak your mind... or to pick a fight"

"Got that right." Slot tried to hold it together.

Then Grimoire turned to Caboose, the transceiver still held up to his snout.

"Caboose." Grimoire smiled. "My little baby brother... before you were born, I promised Anarchy I would look after you... and in a way... it turns out you were always looking out for me. You were like Anarchy never left us... you and he were always alike... always up for a good time... brave to a fault... yet, you never lost that shred of innocence and joy, even in your darkest moment... I am proud that I got to call you brother..."

"Oh, Grim..." Caboose whimpered.

"Dad..." Dusty butted in, as her eyes were streaming with tears. "Dad... Daddy... please, don't die... I can't lose you... not like I lost mom..."

"Dusty, my wonderful, beautiful daughter." Grimiore let out a weak sigh, elated to hear her voice. "You've made me so proud, baby girl... Sandy herself would be proud..."

"Please... no... no..." Dusty's voice devolved into incoherent sobbing, as Blueblood moved to comfort her.

"And Blue... Blueblood..." Grimoire shook his head. "Take good care of her and my grandfoals...I know things hadn't been the same since...well, I am the reason you don't have a father... but... in a way, since that day in the woods, hunting that cockatrice... I knew that someday, I would come to call you my son... and I never regretted that."

"I... I..." Blueblood stuttered, trying his best not to break down in tears. "Thank you..."

"And Zecora..." Grimiore whispered. "I only wish we had a little more time. And that I could be there with you, raising our foal...I tried so hard to hang on, for our child... I wanted nothing more to hold him or her in my hooves... but I guess we can't always get what we ant."

"Grimoire, please don't go." Zecora sniffed. "I love you so..."

"I'm sorry." Grimoire sighed. "I have no choice. But maybe it's better this way. At least now, I have some part of my mind left, so I could say a proper goodbye to you all..."

"Daddy, please..." Dusty wept, unable to stop crying into her husband's shoulder.

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you
some sunny day. Oh Yah!

Grimiore's eyes were having difficulty staying open...

Oh take your time don't live too fast
troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman and you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above

"Come on, Grim!" Caboose urged. "Stay with me!"

"Caboose..." Grimoire wheezed. "Promise that you'll look out for the family after I'm gone..."

"Okay, I will." Caboose nodded. "Just so long as you promise to stay awake. Deal?"

"Don't... think... so..." Grimoire's eyes started to close.

"No... Grim..." Caboose wept. "Don't leave us, please... GRIM!"

And be a simple kind of man
Oh be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh won't you do this for me son if you can?

Grim's body grew limp, as Grimiore let out small whispers... it sounded like... 'I don't wanna go... I don't wanna go'

Forget your lust, for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this Oh baby if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

They all mourned Grimoire's passing. Zecora and Dusty held each other, inconsolable. The brother stood in shock, unable to believe their brother was dead. And the other dons bowed their heads in reverence. Oakley howled in sorrow over his lost master. Back in the warehouse, Caboose held Grimoire's body in his hooves, weeping hysterically.

"Don't go..." He bawled. "Don't go! No! It's not fair!"

Crowe looked upon Grimoire's still-open memoirs, and read the final passage aloud.

"'Whenever the thought crossed my mind, I held the hope that I would die a grand death, facing off against some great, insurmountable foe, for the glory of the mafia'." Crowe read. "'But right now, I know that I want to die for the ones he love. I will settle things with Killsquad, one way or another...' Yeah, that's Grim, alright. His family always came first. No matter what..."

And be a simple kind of man
Oh be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh won't you do this for me son if you can?

'In spite of everything I had been through... I have but a few regrets... but if I could go through all of it again... I would do it in a heartbeat. To think, I dismissed the mafia life and wanted to dedicate my life to become a writer...and now...I was going to die, hopefully being remembered as the don of the greatest crime family in all of Eurodeo. This brings to mind what mom told me before she passed away...to be a simple kind of stallion. It wasn't till now that I figure what she meant... she wants me to be somepony that I can love and understand... and honestly, it never rang so clear for me than it did at that moment... I know the kind of stallion I am... and knowing I died as one... it makes things a little easier.

Boy don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this
Oh baby if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

Crowe reached the end of the passage.

'Despite all this... It pains me to know I will never get to see my newborn son... I had the doctor told me the gender at the last checkup. I didn't want to tell Zecora, because she wasn't the kind for the hospital in the first place. But the fact that I had sired a son... it gave me a sense of pride and a sense of undying agony of never seeing what kind of pony he would become. I know you will one day read this, my boy. And all I can do is ask that you forgive me for not being there for you and your mother... just know that what I'm about to do will ensure you can grow up safe and happy. And in the end, that's all I ever really wanted for you. So in that respect, I've already fulfilled my fatherly duty. Make me proud, son.'

"Oh, Grim..." He sighed. "To think your story would end like this..."

Crowe closed the book solemnly, and bowed his head in sorrow.

Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh won't you do this for me son if you can?
So, baby be a simple, be a simple man.
Oh won't you do this for me son... if you can

Author's Note

"Simple Man" belongs to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

The End, And After

After Grimoire's heartwrenching final message, the brothers, their mares, and the dons were still in shock. Crowe managed to shake it off as he looked upon Grimoire's memoirs. A thought entered his mind, involving the matter of unfinished business. Picking up a quill, he turned to the blank next chapter, and started to write.

'To whom it may concern: This is Crowe Darkside, don of the Darkside mafia family of Russiaddle, writing what will be the final chapter for this book. Grimoire Napoleon was one of my oldest and closest friends. Of all the awful ponies I had come to met in this line of business, I had never met someone as good as Grimiore. It was my honor to know him, and to work with him, and a blessing that I got to call him my friend. I strongly believed that for all Grimoire has done, and all that he has suffered through, he at least deserves to go to his eternal rest knowing that his pet project is completed, and that his story can be told. It's the least I can do for my dearly departed friend. So let's move right into it...'

Chapter Thirty-Five: The End, And After

Caboose was still clutching Grimoire's prone body.

"No, no, no!" He yelled. "It can't end like this! I won't let it!"

As he held Grimoire close, Caboose felt a pulse. It was weak, but it was definitely there.

"It's not over yet." Caboose said determinedly. "Hang in there, Grim. Just hang on a little longer..."

Caboose lifted up Grimoire's body, and rushed to the nearest hospital, Manehattan General. Along the way, he contacted the others with his radio.

"Guys, Grim's still got a pulse!" He announced.

"What?!" Crowe looked up from his work.

"Seriously?" Slot gasped.

"It's weak, but if I can get him to a hospital, they might be able to save him!" Caboose declared.

"I hope so..." Zebediah remarked.

"That's an awfully long shot, Caboose..." Murray frowned.

"Murray's right." Lars admitted. "It may already be too late."

"I don't care!" Caboose yelled. "I've got to try! I'm headed to Manehattan General. Meet me there!"

"Never did have much of a head for reality, that one." Kamikaze snorted.

"Maybe Caboose is right." Dusty said hopefully. "Maybe dad can be saved..."

"Either way, we must go." Zecora declared. "I want to see my husband, alive or no."

"I'm with her." Crowe nodded. "Let's get moving."

As Caboose reached the hospital, he could feel Grimoire's pulse faded.

"Come on, Grim." He urged. "Just keep it together a little longer..."

"Too late..." Grimoire mumbled, barely audible. "Leave me..."

"Never!" Caboose yelled, as he raced through the hospital doors. "I need a doctor! Now!"

A mint green Unicorn stallion with an orange mane, brown eyes, and a syringe Cutie Mark rushed over.

"Sweet Celestia!" He took in Grimoire's ravaged state. "What happened to this fellow?"

"He was beaten to an inch of his life, can't you tell?!" Caboose yelled. "Now help him!"

"Prep the ER, state!" The doctor instructed his colleagues.

Two orderlies placed Grimoire on a hospital bed, rushing him to the emergency room. Caboose could only look on in worry.

"Come on, Grim..." He whispered. "Don't leave us now..."

At the same time, Grimoire was drifting in and out of consciousness as his body slowly shut down. He was only dimly aware of his surroundings. There were ponies rushing around him. They were talking feverishly, but all he heard was an ocean-like roar in his ears. Something was placed over his snout, and he drifted off into darkness...

Then there was a bright light. It was all-consuming, blinding. But gradually, it dimmed, enough for Grimoire to see where he was. To his surprise. Grimoire found himself back in his study at the old mansion.

"What the-?" He frowned. "This can't be real..."

Grimoire looked around. The old place was just as he remembered, right down to the last detail. He looked down at his body, finding that all his injuries had vanished.

"What... what is this?" He asked, his voice echoing in the void.

"Well now, that's the question, isn't it?" A familiar voice asked.

"What?" Grimoire gaped, as Anarchy emerged from out of the mists.

"What's the matter, little bro?" Anarchy smiled. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Anarchy?" Grimoire gasped. "But... how...?"

"Like I said, that's the question." Anarchy declared. "But I'm not the only one who wants to see you."

To Grimoire's greater shock, Sandy emerged from the mists also. She was just as beautiful as she was in her prime.

"Hello, Grim." Sandy smiled. "It's so good to see you again."

"Sandy?" Grimoire shook his head. "This... this can't be right. How are you here?"

"I think you know the answer to that, Grim." Sandy told him.

"Of course he does." Anarchy nodded. "You always were a smart one, Grim."

"You... you're both dead." Grimoire pointed out. "But I'm here with you, then that means that I'm also..."

"Not exactly." Anarchy shrugged.

"What do you mean, not exactly?" Grimoire asked. "I'm obviously dead! And after what Killsquad did to me, that's no surprise!"

"It's not your time, Grimoire." Sandy told him.

"Not my time?" Grimoire asked. "But I would have died from the Prancingson's anyway. What difference could a month make?"

"Don't be so sure of things." Anarchy told him. "You never know what could come around the bend."

"What's that supposed to- arrrgh!" Grimoire suddenly roared in pain. He clutched his chest, which felt as if somepony had just taken a sledgehammer to it. "What the buck was that?!"

"Your brother, Caboose." Anarchy mused. "I gotta admit, he doesn't know the meaning of the word 'die'...or most words with over three syllables, in fact."

"But I don't understand." Grimiore shook his head.

"As much as I'd love for us to be together again, I'm afraid your story isn't done yet, Grim." Sandy smiled.

"You still have plenty of work to do." Anarchy agreed. "Our brothers need you."

"And so does Zecora and the foal." Sandy declared. "You're going to be a father all over again, my love. And nothing's going to stop you from raising your son."

"I still don't understand." Grimoire declared. "Why send me back if I'm only going to die again?"

"Like I said, bro." Anarchy chuckled. "Don't be so sure of things."

Suddenly, the mansion, along with Anarchy and Sandy, started to fade.

"Wh-what's going on?" Grimoire frowned. "What's happening?"

"Say 'hi' to the others for me, Grim." Anarchy smiled.

"And give Dusty my love." Sandy grinned.

Grimoire's surroundings faded back into the white glare, which quickly gave way to darkness. Then came another light, one less glaring. Grimoire opened his eyes to find himself in a hospital bed, the brothers, Dusty and Zecora around him (Crowe and the others were waiting outside, as only family were allowed to see patients).

"...What?" He said weakly.

"He's awake!" Murray whooped.

"Yes!" Salt punched the air.

"You go, Grim!" Vinny cheered. "Show that Reaper who's boss!"

"Superlative!" Lars beamed.

"Oh, what a relief..." Sonny sighed.

"Good to have you back, Grim." Slot smiled.

"Grim..." Caboose sniffed.

"Oh, daddy..." Dusty wept.

"Grim, you're alive!" Zecora hugged him. "I was afraid you would not survive!"

"I'm alive?" Grimoire asked.

"Not just alive." The green Unicorn declared as he entered the room. "You're in perfect health. Not a scratch on you."

"What?" Grimoire frowned. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I'm Doctor Wylie." The Unicorn introduced himself. "And I've just been looking over the medical records we received them Ponyville. According to this, you suffered from Prancingson's Disease."

"That's right, I- wait." Grimoire frowned. "What do you mean 'suffered'?"

"I mean that the Prancingson's is no more." Wylie declared. "It, like your fatal injuries, has vanished completely from your system. You are in perfect health, my friend." His beeper suddenly went off. "Excuse me."

As Wylie left the room, Grimoire struggled to understand.

"I shouldn't be here." He insisted. "The injuries Killsquad inflicted should have been enough to kill me. I... I felt myself slipping away..." He recalled the experience with Anarchy and Sandy, but chose not to speak of it. "What happened? How did I survive? Better than survived, I'm back to full health. No injuries, no Prancingson's... how?"

"You have Caboose to thank for that." Murray smiled.

"Caboose?!" Grimoire gaped. "How could you possibly-?"

"Remember that favor Discord owes us?" Caboose grinned. "I called it in."

"You... did what?" Grimoire frowned.

"Well, it was looking pretty bad back there." Caboose recalled. "The docs were doing their best, but they couldn't save you..."

Flashback...

Caboose was standing by Grimoire's hospital bed. A nearby heart monitor was beeping ominously slowly. The brothers, Dusty, Blueblood and Zecora had just arrived, and were anxious to hear Wylie's verdict.

"Well, doc?" Caboose asked.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid the injuries are too extensive." Wylie declared. "We've patched him up as best we could, but it just wasn't enough. Grimoire is too far gone."

"No..." Murray whispered.

"It can't be..." Salt declared.

"Aw, no..." Vinny cringed.

"This can't be happening..." Lars declared.

"I don't think I can go through this twice in one day..." Sonny frowned.

"It's just not fair, dammit!" Slot yelled.

"No, no, no..." Caboose shook his head.

"Dad, please..." Dusty sniffed.

"I know, dear." Blueblood held Dusty. "I know..."

"I have never felt so low." Zecora wept. "Please, Grim, don't go..."

"All we can do now is make him as comfortable as possible." Wylie announced. "At this rate, he will expire within the hour."

After Wylie left, Zecora stroked Grimoire's mane, tears streaming down her face. Blueblood continued holding Dusty, his shoulder becoming sodden with her tears.

"This can't be how Grim's story ends." Murray declared. "It just can't be..."

"It's not like any of us can stop it." Salt frowned.

"Indeed." Lars nodded. "Unless any of us know how to turn back time, or call upon some higher power, then I'm afraid Grimoire's time is up."

"Wait..." Caboose suddenly froze. He dug inside a bag, and pulled out the card Discord had given them after they had saved his and Isis' egg. "We've got a 'higher power' right here!"

"Of course!" Sonny smiled. "Discord!"

"I forgot all about that thing!" Slot nodded.

"That would've helped against Killsquad, that's for sure." Vinny noted.

"But now we can use it to save Grim!" Caboose declared.

"Then do it!" Dusty urged.

"Yes, without delay!" Zecora nodded. "It is the only way!"

"Okay, here goes nothing..." Caboose held up the card.

The card glowed brightly. The next thing they knew, Discord had appeared in front of them.

"Well, what do you know?" He smiled at the brothers. "I was beginning to think you fellas had forgotten all about my little favor. What can I do for you?"

"You can help save Grim." Caboose pointed at Grimoire's fading form.

"Oh dear." Discord frowned. "What happened to dear old Grimoire."

"He's dying." Murray declared. "And you're our only hope to save him."

"I don't know." Discord declared. "I'm not exactly a master healer. I'm not sure I can help him."

"But you know somepony who can." Salt pointed out.

"Yeah, Isis." Sonny noted. "She's the Deity of Life, right? She can bring him back."

"Ah..." DIscord trailed off, "That I don't think is possible. You heard Isis when she said she can't bring back the dead... and it looks like Grimm is just about dead."

"Bull!" Caboose yelled. "He's still alive! Look!" Caboose grabbed a nearby defillibrator, much to everypony's shock. "Clear!"

He slammed them on Grimiore's chest, causing him to jolt up.

"Arrrgh!" Grimoire grunted, his heartbeat picking up for a few seconds.

"See?" Caboose urged. "Isis can save him! I know it!"

"Dude! Not cool!" Slot growled.

"Caboose!" Dusty screeched.

"What were you thinking?!" Zecora yelled. "When it comes to mad ideas, you are the king!"

"Seriously, Caboose." Murray scowled. "You tried to prove Grimoire is alive by almost killing him?!"

"That's like kicking a stallion in the nuts to prove they're still there." Salt snorted.

Then again, we really shouldn't be surprised..." Vinny shook his head. "This is Caboose we're talking about, after all."

"Okay, now that hurts." Caboose pouted.

"Surely there were more effective ways to prove your point?" Lars asked.

"And less dangerous, too." Sonny added.

"Hey, I'm kinda desperate here." Caboose frowned, as he then glared at Discord. "So can you do it or not?"

"Okay, I guess it's worth a shot." Discord used his talon to rip open a portal to his home. "Give me a moment."

Discord quickly slip through the portal into his house. Isis was in the living room, curled around the egg.

"What the-?" Isis frowned. "Discord, what's going on?"

"Sorry to disturb you, my darling." Discord declared. "But I need you to work your magic on Grimoire here."

Isis flowed through the portal, and into the hospital room.

"My word." She gasped. "How awful..."

"Can you save him?" Discord asked.

"Me?" Isis frowned. "I'm not sure if I have the right..."

"I know it's kind of a gray area." Discord admitted. "But the brothers called in my favor. You know, the one I promised them after they helped save our egg?"

"I remember." Isis nodded.

"Surely you can help Grimoire in return?" Discord asked.

"Please?" Dusty begged. "Please save my father's life."

"I beg of you." Zecora urged. "This favor, you must do."

"...Okay, I'll do it." Isis nodded.

"You can save his life?" Caboose asked.

"I can do you one better." Isis smiled. "I can restore him to perfect health. Every malady or condition he had before will be nullified. He'll be like a new stallion."

"You'd do all that?" Dusty smiled.

"After you all risked your lives to save our egg, I can do no less." Isis smiled.

"You might want to stand back." Discord told the brothers. "This is going to be quite the light show."

Isis loomed over Grimoire. Her eyes glowed a bright, luminous green, followed by her entire body. The glow was intense, almost blinding. As she opened her mouth, a similarly-colored energy flowed across her body, crackling like green lightning. Then, from out of Isis' mouth, a green mist flowed, enveloping Grimoire. Before the onlooker's eyes, all the bruises and cuts on Grimoire's body vanished. The heart monitor started beeping more and more rapidly. The mist faded as Isis' glow vanished.

"There." Isis declared. "It is done."

"Thank you." Murray smiled. "You don't know how much this means to us."

"I think I do." Isis grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we have an egg to attend to. Don't we, Dissy?"

"We certainly do." Discord nodded. "Just between you and me, the li'l sucker should be hatching any week now."

"Good luck with that." Murray declared. "Whatever pops out of that egg should be quite a hoofful."

"Considering who the father is, that's a given." Isis smirked.

"Tell Grimoire we're even." Discord chuckled, as he followed Isis through the portal.

Once the portal closed, Grimoire's eyes fluttered open.

The present...

"And then you woke up, and we were all like, 'yay, he's alive', and-" Caboose continued.

"He was awake for that part, remember?" Lars pointed out.

"How could you do that?!" Grimoire snarled at Caboose.

"I don't understand." Caboose frowned. "I saved you."

"You needlessly prolonged my life!" Grimoire growled. "As much as I hated what had happened to me, it was the natural way. Fate had chosen that path for me. But you used Isis' power to cheat fate!"

"What?" Slot snorted. "You're saying you wanted to die?"

"Of course not." Grimoire answered. "But I had chosen to face Killsquad to protect you, and if I had to die doing so, then so be it. You should have respected my decision, Caboose. You should have left well enough alone. We made a pact, remember?"

"Well, I had my hooves crossed!" Caboose glared. "I made a lot of promises back then, but back then, I wasn't sure if Daring would be my wife, or that O'Malley would go rogue, or who shot Mr. Burns."

"Caboose, it was the baby. That was ages ago." Vinny shook his head.

"Anywho, I couldn't let you die!" Caboose said sternly, "You may have been willing to just up and leave, but I wasn't about to let you go so easily. Your family still needs you. Your wife still needs you. And that foal in her belly is definitely going to need his daddy. So what if I cheated fate? Fate was bein' a total jerk that can kiss my flank!"

"He's got a point, Grim." Murray admitted.

"Fate dealt you a bad hand, that's for sure." Vinny declared. "But we weren't going to stand for it. Not if we had anything to say about it."

"And we did." Salt smiled.

"We still need you, Grim." Sonny announced. "And besides, we weren't about to lose you like we lost dad. We couldn't take that pain again."

"And I couldn't take losing you." Dusty added. "Not like that."

"Without you, my life would have no purpose." Zecora told Grimoire. "I want to be with you, just the foal and us."

"The foal needs you too." Caboose added. "It wouldn't be fair for the poor thing to grow up, not knowing his daddy."

"Well, there is that..." Grimoire sighed. "And it's not like you can undo it. What's done is done."

"Exactly." Salt nodded. "You've got a second chance at life, so you might as well take it."

"I will." Grimoire smiled, climbing out of the bed. "I'm finally back to normal." He sighed deeply. "I'm sorry I never told you guys about my Prancingson's. I just... didn't want to worry you."

"It's okay, dad." Dusty beamed. "Like you said, what's done is done."

"Though I, for one, am still a little ticked." Zecora pouted. "Grimoire, you should have told me about the Disease, even if it couldn't be licked. I am your wife, and deserved to know of your strife."

"You're right, my love." Grimoire kissed her hoof. "Forgive me?"

"Always." Zecora smiled. "And for all our days."

"Terrific." Grimoire beamed. "And now that I'm back to peak condition, I say we get to work, dealing with all the damage Killsquad made."

"Right behind you, bro." Murray smiled.

"All the way." Salt nodded.

"One hundred percent." Vinny agreed.

"Indubitably." Lars grinned.

"Forever and ever." Sonny chuckled.

"To the ends of Equestria." Slot added.

"And then some!" Caboose threw in.

Fortunately, it didn't take too long to clean up Killsquad's mess. Most of his forces had been taken out or captured during the battle at the mansion, and the remainder were made fully aware that their benefactor was pushing up daisies, so they would not longer be paid for killing the Napoleons.

After being treated to the surprise of Grimoire being alive and well, the other dons prepared to return to their own territory.

"As always, it was an honor working with you, Napoleons." Crowe declared. "And I can't say how good it is to have you back, Grim."

"It's good to be back." Grimoire smiled.

"We're all glad this madness is over." Zebediah declared. "I can't wait to see Zaria again..."

"Gral sua taf mava." Kong declared.

"Master Kong says that he wishes you all the best." Kong's newest translator revealed.

"Same here." Sid nodded. "After everything that's happened, you guys deserve a breather."

"Boy, I'll say." Vinny chuckled.

"What's the matter? You guys getting soft in your old age?" Kamikaze ribbed them.

"You should talk." Slot snorted.

"By the way Crowe, I couldn't help but notice somepony wrote a little something in my memoirs." Grimoire declared.

"Yeah, I didn't want your story to be unfinished." Crowe shrugged. "Sorry if I overstepped my mark, or anything."

"Not even close." Grimoire smiled. "I'm actually quite honoured you chose to finish my work. Thanks, old friend."

"No problem." Crowe grinned. "I'm looking forward to reading the finished version myself."

"I'll be sure to send you a copy." Grimoire nodded. "But for now, you and the others have your own cleaning up to do."

"Yeah, Killsquad did a little damage to our operations too." Zebediah scowled. "But since we weren't the main targets, it was only a little."

"Well, you know who to call for help." Murray smiled.

"Oh, you guys have done more than enough." Sid declared. "We'll take it from here."

"Until next time." Crowe smiled, as the dons departed.

Back in Canterlot, Fletcher was healing nicely; all of his burns were nearly gone. Caboose had decided to pay him a visit, as he was still bed-ridden, with Dove cuddling up to him.

"Hey, guys." Caboose poked his head into the doorway. "How's it going?"

"As well as you can expect." Dove held Fletcher a little more tightly. "Come in, Caboose."

Caboose walked into the room.

"So, how are you feeling, cap?" Caboose asked tentatively

"Better every day. I should be back in action before long." Fletcher smirked.

"That's my Fletchy." Dove kissed him on the cheek. "Nothing keeps him down for long."

"You think I'd die before we're finally married?" Fletcher chuckled. "Not a chance."

"I hope not." Dove grinned. "If you die on me, I'll kill you."

"I promise I won't let that happen." Fletcher told her. "Because having you upset me is truely a fate worse than death."

"I couldn't live without you, anyway." Dove nuzzled him.

"And I couldn't move on to the afterlife without you close at hoof." Fletcher nuzzled her back. "Dead or alive, I'll love you forever."

"Oh, Fletcher..." Dove sighed.

Caboose hated to interrupt such a beautiful moment, but he had something he needed to get off his chest.

"...I'm sorry, pal." Caboose apologized.

"Sorry?" Fletcher frowned, moving his head away from Dove's. "For what?"

"You wouldn't have gotten hurt if it weren't for me." Caboose sighed. "That bomb was supposed to blow me to bits, but it got you instead."

"That doesn't matter." Fletcher declared. "You couldn't have known. And besides, I hear the monster that orchaestrated the attack is no more. So I'd say things turned out okay."

"Yeah, but-" Caboose started.

"That's enough, Lieutenant." Fletcher said firmly. "I chose to throw you and that punk out of harm's way. If I hadn't, we'd both be in way worse shape."

"I guess..." Caboose shrugged.

"And from what I heard, you defeated the monster who did this yourself." Fletcher smiled. "Good work, Lieutenant."

"Aw, thanks." Caboose grinned. "Honestly, I wasn't even thinking at the time. I just... did it."

"Must have been quite a shot, though." Fletcher declared.

"Yeah, it was." Caboose chuckled. "I nailed him dead-center!"

"That sounds pretty impressive." Fletcher grinned. "If only I could have seen it..."

"Stallions..." Dove rolled her eyes.

At the same time, the brothers were dumping the bodies of the thugs and Killsquad behind the swamplands outside Ponyville.

"Boy, these thugs had some decent taste." Slot pulled a gold watch off one of the corpses. "Pretty fancy, huh?"

"Grave robbing, Slot?" Lars frowned. "Seriously?"

"In fairness, we did kill most of these guys." Sonny pointed out.

"Plus, they tried to kill us first." Vinny added.

"Yeah, that's right." Slot declared. "So if I like some of their bling, I'm gonna take it. Anyways, it ain't like they can stop me."

"Deplorable..." Lars sighed. "Simply deplorable."

Grimoire personally dragged Killsquad's body over to the pile.

"You won't be hurting anypony now." He told the body of his old foe.

"Boy, look at that cannon wound." Murray whistled. "Definitely some of Caboose's finest work."

"I dunno." Salt frowned. "It kinda feels like he went a little too easily..."

"I beg to differ." Grimoire said bluntly.

"Hey, what's that?" Vinny pointed to Killsquad's prosthetic hoof, which bore a curious emblem: Two Fs connected by the bottom facing opposite directions, with a black bird in the background.

"What is this supposed to mean?" Sonny frowned.

"It seems to be a emblem for some organization." Lars analyzed, "But it's nothing I recognized."

"Hmm... Killsquad did mention somepony paying him because they wanted us dead as much as he did." Grimoire frowned, "Whoever this emblem represents must have orchestrated this whole attack."

"So in other words, we're not quite out of the woods yet." Murray surmised. "Wonderful."

"Whoever it is, they can just bring it on." Slot snorted. "We took out Killsquad and his army of goons. Anything else is small potatoes."

"I hope you're right, bro." Salt frowned. "I really do..."

"Okay, let's burn these suckers." Grimoire declared, placing Killsquad on top of the pile. "Sonny, if you would?"

"My speciality." Sonny nodded. A stream of flame flew out of his horn, engulfing the corpses.

The brothers stood and watched as the flames slowly spread over their enemies' bodies.

"Rot in Tartarus, Killsquad." Grimoire said quietly.

As the flames grew ever higher, the emblem on Killsquad's prosthetic gleamed as the orange of the flames were reflected against it.

Once the bodies were fully burned, the brothers buried them.

"Let's head for home, guys." Grimoire declared.

"With pleasure." Lars nodded. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm more than happy to put this particulat experience behind us."

"I think we all feel that way, bro." Salt nodded.

The brothers departed, leaving the charred bones of their former foes to rot.

A few weeks later, the family gathered together at the mansion. The mess Killsquad made had finally cleared away, and everything was back to normal. Grimoire held a private party for Dusty, Blueblood, the brothers and their mares, as well as the children, who were outside playing with Oakley. Aside from May, Bon-Bon, and Zecora, they were all drinking Vinny's best wine.

"This has been a pretty wild year." Grimoire declared. "All sorts of things have happened."

"Oh, yeah." Murray nodded. "Political intrigue..."

"Sporting championships..." Salt declared.

"Scandals and rich snobs..." Vinny smirked.

"Courtroom affairs..." Lars remarked.

"Old... friends." Sonny cringed.

"New romance..." Slot cuddled Vinyl and Octavia.

"And new friends." Caboose smiled, thinking of Fletcher.

"And we came through it all." Grimoire declared. "Sometimes separately, sometimes together. We took everything our ever-changing lives could throw at us, and while things got dicey for a while, we came out on top in the end, like Napoleons always do."

"Now that's a fact." Dusty grinned.

"A toast." Grimoire declared. "To a new lease on life. To the continuing strength of the Napoleon family. And to whatever the future may hold."

"Hear, hear!" Vinny grinned.

As they drank the wine, Zecora suddenly cried out in pain.

"Ahhhh!" She yelped.

"What happened?" Grimoire asked.

"I think her water just broke!" May declared.

"That's the end of this carpet..." Daring joked.

"Not really the time for jokes, Daring..." Berry frowned.

"What?!" Grimoire gasped. "The foal's coming? Now?!"

"Now hold on." Caboose declared. "Maybe she just wet herself..."

"Maybe she's faking?" Slot suggested.

"This is no fake." Zecora growled. "My waters did just break!"

"We need to get her to the hospital!" Redheart yelled. "I'll take you to the delivery room myself."

"Not without me, you're not." Grimoire declared, setting down his wine glass. "Don't worry, Zecora. I'm with you all the way."

"Thank you, my love." Zecora panted. "Now get me to that hospital, Celestia above!"

"You heard her." Bon-Bon nodded.

"We'll wait here." Lyra added.

"Good luck." Octavia smiled.

"Let us know how things turn out!" Vinyl cheered.

With Redheart in tow, Grimoire rushed his wife to the hospital. Fortunately, the elevator had been fixed after Salt's little adventure (though Grimoire made doubly sure it wasn't out of order, so as to not repeat the circumstances of his daughter's birth), so they reached the delivery room with plenty of time to spare.

"Ahhhh!" Zecora screamed.

"Would you like something to dull the pain?" Redheart asked.

"Of course I do!" Zecora yelled. "Get me something, now!"

"Right awa- wait, that didn't rhyme." Redheart noted.

"To Tartarus with rhyming!" Zecora roared. "Make the pain go away, now!"

"Better do what she says..." Grimoire said shrewdly.

"Good point." Redheart rushed off to grab some pain-relieving drugs.

"Don't worry, 'Cora." Grimoire soothed Zecora. "I'm here for you."

"Considering you did this to me in the first place, that's not a great comfort." Zecora hissed.

"All the same, I won't leave your side." Grimoire kissed her hoof.

"Thanks, Grim." Zecora smiled weakly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Grimoire smiled back.

"Okay, here we go." Redheart brought back a syringe. "I'll just shoot you full of this, then we can get started."

"Remember, I'm with you all the way, darling." Grimoire told Zecora.

"I know." Zecora smiled, though struggling due to the pain.

The next day, the brothers, their mares, Dusty, Blueblood, and even Zaria (who was still staying in Ponyville in anticpation of the birth) came over to the hospital. As they entered the maternity ward, they saw Grimoire standing next to a still-weary Zecora, who was holding a small bundle in her hooves.

The foal was a Unicorn, but his white coat was covered with stripes. His mane was jet black, and he had his mother's eyes.

"Here he is." Grimoire smiled. "Little Arkham Ziovanni Napoleon. Isn't he the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

"And then some." May cooed.

"Way to go, Grim." Murray declared. "You too, Zecora."

"Congratulations, you two." Berry beamed.

"This definitely calls for another celebration." Vinny noted. "I'm gonna run out of wine at this rate..."

"He's such a cutie!" Lyra squealed.

"I could just eat him up!" Bon-Bon agreed.

"What a glorious event!" Lars cheered.

"I'll say." Sonny sniffed. "Here come the waterworks...."

"Ooh, this gives me ideas..." Vinyl smiled.

"Me too..." Octavia agreed.

"Oh, boy..." Slot gulped.

"Brings back memories, doesn't it, Caboose?" Daring asked.

"Sure does." Caboose smiled.

"It finally happened." Dusty beamed. "I have a little brother."

"Half-brother." Blueblood noted. "But who's counting?"

"I can't believe it is true." Zaria sniffed. "Finally, I have a nephew. Zecora, of you, I am so proud, I feel like I am riding on a cloud."

"Thank you, dear sibling." Zecora smiled. "Isn't he such a little darling."

"Of that, there is no doubt." Zaria beamed. "The cutest little fellow in all get out."

"How was the birth?" Salt asked Redheart.

"Not too hard." Redheart admitted. "Zecora went through it like a champ."

"She sure did." Grimoire smiled. "I'm proud of you, darling."

"I couldn't have done it without you by my side." Zecora declared. "And once again, I must say it was quite a ride."

"I'm just glad I'm able to be here for the little guy." Grimoire gently took Arkham into his hooves. "You hear that, buddy? I'm going to be there for you, no matter what. I'll be the best dad ever, you just wait and see."

Almost as if in reply, Arkham nuzzled against his father.

After returning home, Grimoire made sure to help Zecora out with Arkham as much as possible. But whenever Arkham was napping, he put the finishing touches on his memoirs.

'You didn't see that coming, did you? You really thought old Grimoire was down for the count? Well, so did I. But thanks to a little divine intervention, I'm back amongst the living. And, with some regret, I must say that this is where my tale must end. I almost wish I could continue on forever, but fatherhood is a full-time job, and I must prioritize. Sure, I might be a little older than most fathers are, but I figure that makes me all the more experienced. So, this will be the final chapter of my memoirs. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

And to all those who seek to follow my example, just remember: Family is the most important thing in the world.

Fondest regards, Grimoire Napoleon.'

Grimoire put down the quill.

"Finally done." He smiled. He turned to Oakley, who sitting by his side. "Not bad, eh? I just hope the readers don't think it's too long..."

Oakley panted joyfully.

As Grimoire put the memoirs away for the night, planning to take the manuscript to the publishers in the morning, he joined Zecora by Arkham's crib.

"Little guy give you any trouble?" He whispered.

"Not at all." Zecora smiled. "Easily to sleep, he did fall."

"Y'know, I used to think those memoirs would be my legacy." Grimoire admitted. "But now, I know Arkham will be."

"That is so very true." Zecora nodded. "And he is blessed to have a father like you."

"Don't forget the mother." Grimoire chuckled. "Come on, let's get to bed."

The happy couple went into their bedroom. They fell asleep in each others' hooves, exhausted by taking care of Arkham. But at the same time, they felt content.

Before long, the memoirs were being sold all over Equestria. Ponies of all kinds were reading it. Princess Twilight Sparkle was reading it in her castle.

"Wow." She gaped. "This is so dark, and yet so compelling... I can barely put it down!"

"Let's hope not." Flash chuckled. "Otherwise snuggling together will be really awkward."

Echo Alchemy and Sunset Shimmer read it in their home outside the Crystal Empire.

"My word." Echo declared. "Such an incredible saga."

"I heard those guys lead an interesting life, but this is something else." Sunset noted.

Even Sterling Cross managed to get a copy of it sent to his prison cell.

"What a read." He smiled, totally enthralled. "Almost makes being stuck in this dump bearable."

"Shut up over there!" Silas Necross yelled.

"You shut up!" Sterling shot back.

"Both of you shut up!" Lunard yelled. "And stop reading that lousy book! Those things are a waste of time!"

"Uneducated dolt..." Sterling said under his breath,

Even Big Red was enjoying the story.

"Dad gum..." He raised his eyebrows. "Them Napoleons sure did have their share of adventures..."

Not everypony was enjoying it, though. Jet Set and Upper Crust utterly despised it, sharing their views at one of their book club's regular meetings.

"This book is a travesty!" Jet Set grimaced. "An affront to literature itself!"

"It glorifies the criminal element that poisons our society." Upper Crust snarled. "It makes impressionable readers see these Napoleons as some kind of hero, rather than the scum they truly are!"

"I beg to differ." Fancypants declared. "I found it to be a most compelling read."

"As did I." Fleur agreed. "One of the best books I've ever read, in fact."

"Y-you can't be serious!" Jet Set said, flustered. "Aside from my previous points, the book also contains scenes of torture, illegal activities, brutal and gory deaths..."

"Don't forget the homosexual content." Upper Crust added. "Or the polygamous relationship that Slot has with his two wives. How vile."

"I see it more along the lines of 'gritty'." Sassy Saddles countered. "True, the subject matter within isn't to everypony's tastes, but it pulls no punches.Grimoire told it like it is, without holding anything back. That must be admired."

"Exactly." Fancypants nodded. "It may not be everypony's cup of tea, but no truly great work of writing is."

"I can't believe you're actually condoning this filth!" Jet Set scowled.

"It's nothing but an unadulterated atrocity!" Upper Crust agreed.

"Well, we like it." Fleur remarked. "And so do many of our friends."

"If you don't like it, maybe you're the ones with the problem, not the book." Sassy suggested.

"Yes." Fancypants nodded. "Stop being such prudes."

"It can be intense in places." Fleur declared. "But it holds morals that everypony should aspire to. If you can't see that, then perhaps you should just keep your opinions to yourselves."

Both Jet Set and Upper Crust were left totally speechless.

"Meeting adjourned." Fancypants smirked.

Fletcher, fully recovered, was reading the book alongside Dove in their living room.

"Such depth, such drama, such..." Fletcher suddenly froze. "Wait, Caboose actually saw us doing it that night?!"

"Looks like it." Dove nodded. "But hey, look on the bright side: Now we're famous!"

"Yippee..." Fletcher cringed with embarassment.

Even the Napoleons own agents were reading it.

"Well, what do you know." Gregory chuckled. "Guess Grim and the others hold us in even higher regard than we thought..."

"No kidding." Big Guns smiled. "See what Grim wrote about me?"

"And me?" Carapace said proudly. "To think, they saw our stories as being worthy of mention..."

"Um... excuse me?"

In the corner of a room was an Earth Pony stallion who was tied to a chair. A pile of kindling was at his feet, and he had been soaked in flammable liquids. He was a snitch whom the trio had caught earlier, and had planned to torch him.

"I can see you're busy." The snitch declared. "Maybe we should postpone my torching until you're done reading?"

"Nope." Gregory lit a match and tossed it at the snitch, who instantly burst into flames.

"ARRRRRGGGGH!" The snitch screeched.

"Hey, keep it down!" Big Gun yelled. "We're trying to read here!"

"Some ponies can be so inconsiderate." Carapace snorted.

"I know, right?" Gregory asked. "Now, on to the next chapter..."

Wherever the book went, it made waves. While someponies hated it, and someponies loved, nopony could deny it was a compelling account of the lives of a mafia family. It served as a testament to the Napoleons themselves. Their strength, their honor, their compassion... the tome was littered with countless examples of their greatness. Even after decades, it would continue to spread the glory of the Napoleon family, long after its writer had passed on (through a more peaceful death than the first, it must be said). Grimoire had created a masterpiece, one that would be admired and enjoyed for generations to come...

The End.

The Fall Of Anarchy

'Welcome, dear reader. First of all, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read my memoirs. And at such an agreeable price. Almost like you haven't paid a bit for it...

The stories of which you are about to read are true. The ponies mentioned in here are as real as you and I. You won't find any ponies' names being changed to "protect the innocent" or any names being left out, except in the case of which I had forgotten them. Which was bound to happen. Give me a break, some of these events happened a long time ago.

However, before we begin, I must tell you that, in spite of this book's title, what you are about to read isn't a confession or an admittance of guilt, and that we have already received amnesty for any crimes, be they robberies, destruction of property, terrorism, and especially murders that are portrayed here. That said, any attempt to charge myself, my brothers, our wives, and our children will result in serious repercussions. I'm not even joking here; We will find out where you live, and break your legs. I already picked out a golf club with your name on it.

Now that we've got that out of the way, we can begin. But where does one truly begin in a life full of crime and deceit? I could simply begin from my birth, but no pony would want to hear that. I am going to stick more to how I came to become the don of Eurodeo's greatest mafia family.

So prepare yourselves, as we begin our journey of a thousand crimes with:

Chapter One: The Fall of Anarchy

'Our story begins on the family estate back in Bitaly, over forty years ago...'

It was an ordinary day in Bitaly. Within the Napoleon family's expansive mansion, Clyde Napoleon and his eldest son, Anarchy, were discussing 'business' in the study. Clyde Napoleon was a Clydesdale Unicorn, with brown eyes, a gray coat, gray mane with a black streak, gray beard, and a mobster hat Cutie Mark. As per his bloodline as a Clydesdale, he was huge, standing a head taller than most ponies, making him all the more intimidating.

Anarchy was a handsome young stallion. He looked a lot like what his future sibling, Caboose, would come to look like, save for a magnificent goatee beard, and a Cutie Mark of an red "A" in a circle, the points of the "A" extending outside the circle.

As for their "discussion"...

"We've got us a problem with the Fetlocke gang." Clyde declared. "They've been trying to muscle in on our bootlegging operations, and take all the profits for themselves. We can't let 'em gonna get away with that, right? So, what should we do to make 'em pay?"

'Ah, my father, Clyde Napoleon. A hard, no-nonsense stallion. Anypony who messed with him did so at their risk. And don't let his size fool you, he's both brawn and brains. He can easily crush a pony's skull in with just one hoof.'

"I'm thinking we make an example of them." Anarchy declared. "Ruin a few of their operations, break a few legs, maybe cap one or two ponies in the head... it'll stand as a warning to anypony else who thinks they can mess with us."

"Just what I was thinking." Clyde smiled, ruffling his first-born son's mane. "You're a real chip off the ol' block, Archie!"

"Aw, thanks, pop." Anarchy said modestly.

'Good old Anarchy. He was dad's favorite for a reason. He was the smartest, most skilled out of all of us, had the looks, could make a mare want to mate with him just with a look he had. And no, I am not over-exaggerating, Anarchy was that talented. Everypony in the mafia respected him, and he was on the fast track to becoming the new don. Back then, me and our brothers could only hope to be as good as he was... speaking of which...'

Murray was out in the courtyard, practicing his marksponyship. He fired his crossbow at three targets, hitting the bullseye each time.

"Oh, yeah!" He whooped. "Just call me 'Never-miss Murray!"

"Very good, sir." A nearby servant complimented, "Should I set up more targets?"

"You know it." Murray reloaded his crossbow. "I'm on a roll today!"

'Murray always liked to talk a big game, but he at least had the skills to back it up. And he could always be counted on to lend a hoof when it was needed.'

In the kitchen, Salt and Lars (taking a break from boxing practice and checking the family revenue respectively) were trying out Sonny's fresh-baked cannolis.

"Mmm, not bad, Sonny." Salt admitted.

"I know, right?" Sonny chuckled.

"You know, you oughta open up a restaurant someday." Lars declared. "There'd be no shortage of customers with these babies. You could make a fortune."

"You really think so?" Sonny smiled.

"You'd be a better chef than a Mafioso, that's for sure." Salt smirked.

"Very funny." Sonny glared.

'Back then, Salt loved to razz Sonny about his cooking. I couldn't help but notice he was always first in line to taste his creations, though...'

Meanwhile, Vinny and Slot (preteens at this point) were having a tiff.

"I keep telling you not to touch my stuff!" Slot yelled.

"So I used your toothbrush; Big deal!" Vinny yelled.

"Yes it's a big deal!" Slot growled. "I don't want your slimy spit on my brush, you pig!"

"That's it!" Vinny yelled, punching Slot.

"You're gonna get it now!" Slot charged at him.

'Vinny and Slot were the youngest at the time. They were in what we liked to call "the terrible tweens." They were always fighting over some pointless thing or another. Didn't help that almost anything would easily set off Slot, and it certainly didn't help that Vinny was so good at ticking everypony off.'

While the two tussled, Bonnie Napoleon arrived on the scene. She was a brown-coated mare with a blonde mane, done up in a bun, blue eyes, and a getaway car Cutie Mark. Her stomach was currently bulging, due to being pregnant with her and Clyde's ninth child. However, despite such weight, she was still quite pretty.

"Alright you two, knock it off!" She yelled.

"But mom-!" Vinny and Slot said together.

"No buts!" Bonnie cut them off. "We're a family, and you two have to act like it. Clear?"

"Yes, mom..." Vinny and Slot sighed.

"Good." Bonnie smiled sweetly. "Now shake hooves and make up."

"I'm sorry." Vinny muttered.

"Me too." Slot said grudgingly.

'That was mom for you. The great peacemaker, Bonnie Napoleon. She was a gentle and kind-hearted mare at heart, but she could be quite fierce when she wanted to, which came in handy when certain brothers needed reining in. Even dad was a little afraid of her (though he'd never admit it). And as you had read, she was pregnant with our youngest brother, Caboose. How a mare like her could keep conceiving foals after Salt or Lars and still look good is beyond me.'

"That's better." Bonnie smiled. "Now wash up and get ready for dinner." After the two boys departed, eager to carry out her orders, she rubbed her stomach. "Let's hope you're not as much trouble as your brothers..."

As for the young Grimoire (currently in his late teens), he was sitting on the living room couch, reading.

'What's this, you say? I, Grimoire Napoleon, reading? Yes, back then, I was quite the bookworm. I even had a career in writing in mind, you know...'

Bonnie came in, breaking Grimoire out of his reverie.

"Grim, honey, it's time for dinner." She smiled.

"So soon?" Grimoire remarked. "Sorry, I just really got into this book."

"Good for you." Bonnie chuckled. "Now, go get washed up. We're having your favourite; Okra ravioli!"

"Great." Grimoire grinned, shutting his book. "You're ravioli's the best, mom."

"Just for that, you're getting an extra big helping." Bonnie smiled.

"Thanks, mom." Grimoire beamed.

Just as Grimoire exited the room, he heard a knock at the front door, being the closest to it at the time, he decided to answer it. Behind the door was Twitch, one of the Napoleon family's top snitches and scouts. His blonde mane had a healthy hue and was well groomed.

'Twitch... At that time, I of course had no idea what kind of a monster that pony was or would come to be. But even back then, I thought he was a little on the shady side. But I figured if Anarchy trusted him, so could I. But that is how the snake prey on the weak... by hitting them when they least expect it...'

"Hey there, kiddo." Twitch smiled. "Where are your p-pop and b-bro at? I got some juicy info for 'em."

"They're in the study." Grimoire said curtly.

"Thanks." Twitch smiled. "I owe you one."

"Don't mention it." Grimoire shrugged.

"Th-that Anarchy, he's something else." Twitch smiled. "D-don't you think?"

"He sure is." Grimoire agreed. "He'll be taking over as don before long."

"No s-surprise there." Twitch flashed a crooked smile. "S-safe to say the f-future of your whole family r-r-rests on his head..."

"You could say that." Grimoire frowned, acknowledging Twitch's odd smile.

"Well, gotta go." Twitch nodded. "B-bye."

Grimoire watched after Twitch as he departed, a little put off by his demeanour.

That evening, the Napoleons were all sat in the dining room, enjoying their meal.

"So, how are the big operations going?" Murray asked Anarchy.

"Pretty good." Anarchy shrugged.

"Good?" Clyde chuckled. "He's just being modest. This kid's a prodigy! It's good to know the family business'll be in good hooves after I retire."

"Easy there, pop." Anarchy chuckled. "All these compliments are gonna go to my head."

"I'm just so proud of you, son." Clyde smiled. "You've embraced the family business so much." His look soured as he turned to Grimoire. "I just wish everypony in this house felt the same way..."

"Really, dad?" Grimoire sighed. "This again?"

"Yes, this again." Clyde retorted. "When are you going to stop wasting your life, sticking your muzzle in a book, and actually do something?"

'Dear old dad had never been all too supportive of my literary endeavors. That discussion was but one of many we had been through over the years.'

"I am planning on doing something, actually." Grimoire declared. "I'm going to become a writer."

"A writer?" Clyde grimaced. "Some wussy pony who sits around typing up stories all day? That's no career for a Napoleon!"

"Says who?" Grimoire asked petulantly.

"Says me, the head of this family!" Clyde yelled. "All Napoleons go into the family business! Or is being a mobster beneath you, Mr Lah-di-dah writer?"

The rest of the brothers, even Anarchy, remained quiet. Their father could be quite intimidating when he got angry. Their mother, however, was a different story.

"Clyde, go easy on him." Bonnie urged.

"No, he's gotta hear this!" Clyde shot back. "No son of mine is going to turn his back on the family way. You'll become a writer over my dead body!"

"You can't tell me what to do!" Grimoire yelled. "I'm not a foal! I'm practically a grown stallion!"

"That's as maybe, but as long as you're living under my roof, you'll do as I say!" Clyde roared. "And I say you're going to be part of the family business, like it or lump it!"

"Then I guess it'll have to be 'lump it'!" Grimoire got out of his chair and ran out of the room.

"Well done, Clyde." Bonnie glared at her husband.

"It had to be done." Clyde defended himself. "The boy's got to get his head out of the clouds. Writer, please..."

"No kiddin'." Slot piped up. "Grim's such a wimp. Why can't he be more like Archie?"

At that moment, Anarchy got out of his chair and headed for the door.

"What are you doing?" Clyde asked.

"I'm going to talk with Grimoire." Anarchy declared. "You were a little hard on him back there, dad."

"He brought it on himself." Clyde snorted. "You should let him sulk."

"You know, dad... you're not always right." Anarchy sighed, before leaving the room.

Grimoire had returned to his room. He has sat on his bed, mumbling to himself, as a heavy rainstorm raged outside.

"Lousy dad... doesn't understand..."

There was a knock at the door.

"Go away!" Grimoire yelled.

Anarchy entered the room.

"You okay, Grim?" He asked.

"No, I'm not." Grimoire sighed. "I'm tired of dad always treating me like I'm the black sheep of the family, just because I want to do something other shaking down troublemakers and making wiseguys sleep with the fishes. Can't he see that writing is my true calling?"

"Dad's a stubborn one, that's for sure." Anarchy shrugged.

"You actually have something bad to say about him?" Grimoire snorted. "I thought you were his favorite..."

"Let's not make this about me." Anarchy frowned.

"If dad can't accept who I want to be, maybe I should just leave." Grimoire muttered.

"Whoa now, let's not get hasty." Anarchy declared.

"Why not?" Grimoire asked. "I'm old enough to be on my own. It'd be better than staying here, and taking all dad's attitude."

"Look Grim, if you wanna be a writer, that's fine." Anarchy admitted. "It's your life, your choice. And I get that dad's being a pill about it. But don't let that drive you away from all of us. We're family, remember? Family look out for one another and stick together."

"Doesn't seem like it right now." Grimoire growled.

"Trust me." Anarchy said solemnly. "You walk out that door, you'll regret it."

"I doubt it." Grimoire grumbled.

Anarchy sighed heavily, then checked his watch.

"Look, I have to get to a meeting with Twitch." He declared. "We'll talk some more when I get back. Just don't do anything rash until then, okay?"

"Fine." Grimoire frowned. "I wouldn't want to go out in this weather anyway."

"Unfortunately for me, I don't have a choice." Anarchy shrugged. "Twitch said he's got something big to show me. See you soon, bro."

Anarchy left the room, leaving Grimoire alone.

'Ah, how things change. To think, I once wanted nothing to do with the family business, seeking to pursue what I believed to be more fruitful endeavors. I was ready to leave it all behind, no matter what Anarchy said. But little did I know the tragedy to come, later that same night...'

Hours later, Grimoire was still in his room, lamenting, the rain pounding hard against his window.

"Soon as this storm lets up, I'm out of here." He said to himself. "Gather up some things, sneak out through the window, and kiss this place goodbye..."

However, he heard a loud knock coming from the front door. At first, Grimoire paid it no mind... but what soon came after would get his attention loud and clear.

"OH MY FAUST, ARCHIE!"

Grimoire bolted up at the cry of his brother's name, and quickly ran out of his room and downstairs to be greeted with a horrifying sight: a drenched Anarchy, collapsed on the floor, with a bad stab wound in the back. Blood was seeping from it, and matted his entire back. The rest of the family were already at his side, trying to do all they can to help.

"Somepony get the medic!" Clyde roared. "My son needs help!"

"What the buck happened to him?" Murray yelled.

"Just try and remain calm, everypony!" Bonnie urged, on the verge of hyperventilating. "Just stay calm..."

"Calm?!" Vinny repeated. "Archie's hurt!"

"He can't be..." Slot said with disbelief. "Not Archie... He's the best..."

"Who could have done this?" Lars questioned.

"Whoever it was, they're dead when I get hold of them!" Salt roared.

"Archie, speak to me!" Sonny begged.

"Dad, mom, what's going on?! What's wrong with Anarchy?!" Grimiore ran forth.

"I don't know! He came in like this!" Clyde stammered, before he then turned to Salt and Murray. "You two, help me get Anarchy set on the couch, now!"

The two brothers did not hesitate to respond, as they quickly and carefully lifted the eldest brother's limp body by the hind legs, with Clyde taking up the rest, and moved him over to the couch in the living room, the other brothers and Bonnie following close behind him. As soon as they got Anarchy set down (being careful as to not set him on his wound), one of the mafia's medics came in. He was a green Unicorn, with an orange mane, brown eyes, and a stethoscope Cutie Mark.

"Major damage to the back due to a bladed weapon of some kind." The medic declared. "Heavy blood loss-"

"Cut the formalities, will you?" Clyde growled. "Save my son."

"I'll do my best, sir." The medic declared, as he went to work.

Anarchy was not looking well, as his body was breaking into a cold sweat, though not noticeable through his drenched coat and jacket. He weakly lifted his head to face his father.

"P-pa..." Anarchy whimpered.

"Don't speak, son. You are going to be okay." Clyde ordered, though his voice seems to falter. "You are going to make it, and I'm going to make sure whoever who did this to you sleeps with the fishes!"

"No... I have to tell you something..." Anarchy struggled to speak, before coughing up a bit of blood.

"Oh, Faust..." Clyde gaped, as he then barked at the medic. "Doc, do something!"

"I am doing everything I can, sir!" The medic glared. "The wound is too large to suture, and bandages are just a stopgap at this point. Our only hope is to try and stop the blood flow."

"Archie... who did this to you?" Grimiore step forth.

"I was getting... to that..." Anarchy sighed, a bit of blood stuck to his lips, "I was waiting... out by that lamppost... for Twitch. It was so dark... and I didn't see it... coming..."

"See what coming?" Clyde asked, "Who stabbed you?!"

"...Twitch... it was Twitch." Anarchy murmured.

"Wait, the snitch?!" Vinny piped up. "He did this to you?!"

"Yes... I was so stupid..." Anarchy sighed. "I should have never trusted him... he just stabbed me and left me for dead..."

"Don't blame yourself, honey." Bonnie whimpered, "Just hold on..."

"He must have crawled all the way back here by sheer willpower alone." Lars remarked.

"That's Anarchy for you..." Salt murmured.

"Yeah." Slot nodded. "He'll make it. He has to..."

"I knew it." Grimoire growled. "I knew there was something off about Twitch..."

"That buckin' traitor." Murray spat.

"He made a big mistake tonight." Sonny agreed. "He won't get away with this..."

The medic slowly stopped working on Anarchy.

"Whoa, whoa, what the buck are you doing?!" Clyde roared, "You still need to do something!"

"Sir... there is nothing more I can do." The medic sighed. "Anarchy's lost a lot of blood... too much, I'm afraid... he's not going to make it."

The room went silent.

"No..." Clyde shook his head, "No... no... no..."

"Sir, I'm sor-" The medic started, but Clyde cut him off.

"No, you're wrong!" Clyde roared, clutching the medic by his collar, though tears were beginning to strike his eyes. "That's my son!" His voice began to falter. "That's my boy..."

"Oh, Clyde..." Bonnie whimpered as she wrapped her hooves around her husband, her tears streaming her face.

"Noooo!" Clyde howled, no longer bothering to hold in his own anguish, his voice devolving into unintelligible whimpers.

"This can't be happening..." Murray gaped. "Not to Archie..."

"I swear, Twitch is gonna burn for this!" Sonny spat.

"Not if I get to him first." Vinny growled, an anger beyond his years welling up in him. "I'll pound him to an inch of his life... Nopony messes with my big brother!"

"I never thought this day would ever come." Lars shook his head. "It just seemed so unfeasible..."

"Archie, you can't go..." Slot broke down and wept. "You... you just can't!"

"Easy, little bro." Salt comforted him. "It's gonna be okay..."

"How?!" Slot wailed. "How will things ever be okay again?!"

"We'll make it okay." Salt said firmly. "Starting with making sure Twitch pays for this."

Grimoire seemed to be beyond words, his body shaking with barely-repressed sobs.

"Grim?" Anarchy gasped, his voice barely a whisper.

"I'm here, Arch." Grimoire moved in closer, "Please... don't go."

"I need you to d-do me a favor, bro..." Anarchy groaned.

"Anything." Grimoire nodded.

"Take care of our little baby brother, okay?" Anarchy requested, "He's gonna have to look to you... for guidance. Make sure he's brought up right...ya hear?"

"…Sure, I promise... but why are you telling me?" Grimoire whispered, his tears building up. "You're going to be here when he's born."

"Oh, Grim..." Anarchy sighed, as a tear drop from his eye, "Just... just remember what we talked about…about family…and everything…"

"I'll never forget." Grimoire choked back the tears. "Because you'll still be here to remind me... please, don't go..."

"...Trust me... I don't wanna go..." Anarchy choked down a sob, and then repeated his words, "I don't wanna go..."

He continued to repeat those four words, as his body grew limp…

"Anarchy?" Grimoire whispered, as Anarchy's eyes turned glazed, and his breathing soon came to a stop, "Anarchy?!" He then turned to the medic. "Come on, doc, do something! He's-"

"Grim..." Clyde cut him off, his voice able to regain comprehension, "He's gone, Grim..."

"No..." Grimoire whispered, as the tears finally broke free from his eyes. "No... NOOOOO!" He buried his snout into his dead brother's coat. "Nooo..."

With one last cry, he bellowed…

"ANARCHY!"

'And with that, Clyde lost his firstborn son, my brothers lost their idol, the family empire lost one of their leaders... and I... I lost my brother, plain and simple. Words cannot describe the pain I or any of my brothers had felt, like a hole had been ripped in our hearts, and nothing could ever patch it up. I wish I can say that this was the only tragedy to befallen us…but alas, there would be more death and heart-ache to come. Our lives would be forever changed by Anarchy's death... but little did I know that this cataclysmic event would lead me to my destiny... but that will have to wait until a later chapter... this is only just the beginning.'

Life With O'Malley

'As you might have guessed, the idea that Caboose had undergone a complete personality shift was... disturbing. O'Malley was everything Caboose wasn't: Cruel, vicious, arrogant... To be honest, he scared me back then. Thankfully, Caboose resurfaced shortly after O'Malley struck me, and was shocked that he had done such a thing. The next morning, accompanied by our brothers, we took Caboose to our doctor for a thorough physical and mental examination...'

The brothers stood outside the treatment room, awaiting the results. Grimoire and Sandy, having brought them there in a hurry, were filling the others in (Bonnie having agreed to look after Dusty).

"...And that's pretty much it." Grimoire finished.

"Caboose did all that?" Murray gasped.

"No way." Slot snorted. "That little weed doesn't have the guts."

"Weren't you just listening?" Lars admonished him. "According to Grim, it wasn't Caboose that did all that. It was some guy called O'Malley."

"You're seriously buying that?" Sonny frowned. "He's probably trying to pull some kind of gag."

"If he is, it's not a very funny one." Salt retorted.

"You weren't there." Sandy declared. "It was like he was... a different pony."

The door to the treatment room opened, and the doctor emerged.

"The examination is complete." He declared. "If you would..."

The brothers and Sandy walked into the room, where Caboose was standing, more than a little confused.

"So what's the verdict, doc?" Vinny asked. "Give it to us straight."

"Well, physically, Caboose is fine." The doctor announced. "But mentally... It would appear that this Peaches Cream girl's shabby treatment of him has caused his psyche to split in two."

"Syke-ey?" Slot frowned. "Speak English, doc!"

"Caboose has never let himself feel an ounce of anger in his life." The doctor declared. "He never let himself feel spite, or rage, or held any grudges. He never even let himself consider the idea of hurting another pony."

"Well, why would I?" Caboose asked.

"He kept all those negative emotions under wraps." The doctor continued. "Pushed them deep down into the very bottom of his mind... until now."

"What does that mean?" Salt asked.

"The shock of realizing Peaches Cream was just using him was too much for him to handle." The doctor revealed. "He couldn't take it. This caused the side of him he had repressed for so long- the angry, violent side, to manifest itself as this "O'Malley' character, to do what he could not, and exact revenge on the one who had wronged him."

"So... this 'O'Malley' guy has been inside me all this time?" Caboose frowned. "And now he's coming out?"

"I'm afraid so." The doctor nodded.

"Okay..." Murray frowned. "So, how do we deal with this guy? What's the prescription?"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy." The doctor declared. "Split personalities are not so easily disposed of. I could prescribe some anti-psychotics..."

"Oh, no." Grimoire shook his head. "I've seen what pills like that can do. I don't Caboose turning into a blissed-out zombie."

"Yeah, one of our cousins got his face shredded by a fan while on that stuff." Salt frowned.

"Poor Tibbles... he didn't know what hit him." Murray shook his head.

"Suit yourself." The doctor shrugged. "But barring some massive psychological trauma, I'd say O'Malley is here to stay."

"Oh, Caboose..." Sandy put a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay."

"Why did my brain have to go and do that?" Caboose hit himself on the head. "Bad brain! Very bad brain! ...Ow."

"What's the big deal?" Vinny asked. "This O'Malley guy can't be that bad, can he?"

"You haven't met him yet." Grimoire said darkly. "Trust me, he's trouble."

"So what?" Slot shrugged. "I've been telling Caboose he needs to toughen up for years. Maybe O'Malley can pick up his slack."

"You're seriously not suggesting we involve O'Malley with the family business, are you?" Murray growled.

"Why not?" Salt shrugged. "Technically, he is family."

"We could use somepony as... proactive as him." Lars agreed.

"Besides, it's not like he's gonna be around permanently, right?" Sonny pointed out. "From what you've said, he just sorta comes and goes."

"You know, O'Malley may not be here right now, but I am." Caboose frowned. "So please don't talk about me like I'm not here." Suddenly, his face darkened. "Quit whinin', will ya?" O'Malley growled. "I swear, you're so pathetic sometimes."

"I take it this is O'Malley?" Murray squinted.

"Yeah, what's it to ya, squinty?" O'Malley smirked.

"Fascinating." Lars appraised the situation. "A fully cognizant personality."

"Whatever you say, professor." O'Malley shrugged, before turning to Sandy. "Hey, remember me?"

"Yes." Sandy nodded. "And I'm sure you remember I'm married."

"Your loss." O'Malley grinned. "Plenty more mares in the sea."

"Glad to hear it." Grimoire frowned.

"Hey, Grim." O'Malley smiled. "Sorry about last night. I just don't like taking guff from anypony. We cool?"

"I suppose." Grimoire said testily. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Deal." O'Malley grinned. He then turned to the others. "Boy, it seems like I already know you guys so well, but you don't know me at all..."

"So, you're the part of Caboose that actually knows when to get tough?" Salt asked. "We'll see about that..."

Salt threw a punch, which O'Malley caught, and countered with a leglock.

"How you like that, tough guy?" O'Malley smirked.

"Not bad..." Salt groaned, as O'Malley released him. "Let me know if you ever want to spar."

"You probably couldn't keep up, what with your old age..." O'Malley sneered.

Slot burst out laughing.

"I like this guy already!" He guffawed.

"Well, he's a lot more charismatic than Caboose, that's for sure." Sonny agreed.

"Now this is a guy I'd like to have some wine with!" Vinny grinned, slapping O'Malley hard on the back.

"Ow!" Caboose winced. "What'd you do that for?"

"Oh, Caboose is back." Slot sighed. "Yay..."

"I don't know what you're complaining about." Caboose pouted. "I'm the one whose body has suddenly become a time share!"

"Relax, bro." Vinny smiled. "This O'Malley guy's a little rough, sure. But we've handled worse. It's nothin' to get flustered about."

"Vinny's got the right idea." Murray nodded. "Everything's gonna be just fine."

'It was easy enough to say that O'Malley wouldn't be a problem, but reality was a different matter entirely. While he did make a good first impression on the others, it wasn't long until O'Malley showed his truth colors, and we all learned just what it would mean to have him in our lives, in a tale you shall know as...'

Chapter Four: Life With O'Malley

'Because of the unpredictability of O'Malley's appearances, we got precious little "one-on-one" with him. Mom was lucky enough to have gone on a trip with her friends from the sewing circle shortly after O'Malley showed up, but the rest of us weren't so lucky... Over the next fortnight, O'Malley began what seemed to be a campaign to tick off every one of his brothers. Murray was first...'

Murray was practicing his shooting in the courtyard, hitting three bullseyes in a row.

"Final score: awesome!" Murray cheered.

"Is that it?" O'Malley scoffed, as he emerged from the shadows.

"O'Malley?" Murray jumped. "I didn't see you there..."

"Obviously." O'Malley sneered. "Too busy with your toys, huh?"

"Toys?" Murray frowned.

"Yeah, toys." O'Malley sniggered. "You're like a little foal with that thing, tryin' to shoot the bad guys. Pew, pew!"

"I'll have you know this takes skill!" Murray snarled, annoyed.

"How much skill does it take to hit a piece of wood?" O'Malley smirked.

"Listen, you-" Murray snarled, bringing his crossbow up to O'Malley's face.

O'Malley suddenly grabbed Murray's cross bow with his magic and flung it at the wall, breaking it.

"Don't you know you can put somepony's eve out with that thing?" He mock-chided. "You've gotta be more careful with your toys... here, let me show you how it's done!"

As Murray looked in shock at his shattered crossbow, O'Malley drew his own.

"What are yo-Ah!" Murray ducked, as a bolt narrowly missed his ear. "What the buck!"

"You're not the only pony who needs target practice, you know." O'Malley loaded another bolt.

"Knock it off, you psycho!" Murray ducked another.

O'Malley kept firing, and Murray kept on ducking, until O'Malley ran out of bolts.

"Ah, well." O'Malley shrugged. "Enough target practice for today. You keep working at it, bro."

O'Malley walked away, leaving a shell-shocked Murray behind.

'The next day, Salt was in for even worse...'

Salt was in the gym, working out on his punching bag.

"Nice moves." O'Malley declared as he entered the gym. "That bag didn't know what hit it."

"Funny." Salt wiped some sweat off his brow.

"Of course, punching bags don't hit back." O'Malley pointed. "How about trying that on me?"

"I don't know..." Salt frowned. "I don't wanna leave a bruise on that face. Caboose wouldn't be happy..."

"Who says you'll even be able to get a hit in?" O'Malley sneered. "What are ya, chicken?"

"Nopony calls me chicken." Salt growled. "Let's get in the ring."

"Gladly." O'Malley grinned.

Stopping only to don some boxing gloves, O'Malley entered the ring, and the sparring match began. Salt threw out a right cross, but O'Malley dodged. O'Malley retaliated with a punch of his own, but Salt blocked it. They went back and forth like that for a few moments, until O'Malley caught Salt on the side of his face.

"Guh!" Salt grunted. "...Not bad. My turn."

Salt struck back. O'Malley dodged the first punch, but took the other in the nose.

"Ugh!" He staggered backwards. "Okay, no more Mr. Nice pony..."

O'Malley's attacks became more frenzied and vicious. It was all Salt could do to dodge or block them. He had no time to retaliate.

"Hey, easy!" Salt yelled, parrying another blow. "We're just sparring!"

"Yeah?" O'Malley growled. "Well I spar to win!"

O'Malley's blows started to connect. He pummeled Salt mercilessly. As Salt fell to the canvas, O'Malley jumped up and slammed his hoof on his leg. A loud crack was heard.

"YAAAAH!" Salt screamed. "My leg... I think you broke it..."

"Ah, shake it off, ya wuss." O'Malley pulled off his gloves. "Besides, you got three more, don't ya?"

O'Malley left the ring, leaving Salt writhing in agony.

'Vinny was next. He had graciously offered to share some of his homemade wine with O'Malley...'

Vinny looked on expectedly as O'Malley drank the wine.

"Well?" He asked.

O'Malley spat out the wine.

"Bleurgh!" He spat. "What are ya tryin' to do, poison me?"

"Hey, I put a lot of work into wine!" Vinny protested.

"I'll bet." O'Malley sneered. "It isn't easy, getting wine to taste this awful... In fact, this garbage shouldn't even be here!"

With his magic, Caboose threw the bottle out of the window, striking one of the gardeners in the head.

"Hey!" Vinny growled.

"Wine coinosseurs the world over will thank me." O'Malley smirked. "You should be thanking me too. Anypony else who tries that will probably sue you for sullying their tastebuds."

"Where do you get off, disrespecting my wine?" Vinny fumed.

"You're the one who wanted a critique." O'Malley shot back. "I'm just giving my honest opinion: that this stuff tastes like Diamond Dog pee!"

"Oh, yeah?" Vinny spluttered. "Well, you can forget me letting taste-test any other wines in future!"

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." O'Malley taunted, as he walked away. "Personally, I'd rather drink dragon spit than put more of your swill in my mouth."

Vinny tried to think of a comeback, but he was too full of anger and shock to do so. All he could do was mouth emptily as O'Malley left.

'Vinny wasn't the only one to have his hard work spat out at him. Barely two days later...'

Sonny finished some cannolis, and offered them to O'Malley and Lars. Lars enjoyed his, but O'Malley gagged.

"Yuck!" O'Malley grimaced. "And I thought Vinny's wine tasted bad... this stuff tastes like mule spit!"

"But... Caboose loves my cannolis..." Sonny frowned.

"I'm not Caboose." O'Malley pointed out. "Anyways, that idiot's probably lying..."

"Now see here." Lars declared. "Sonny worked exceptionally hard on those cannolis. A little appreciation would apropos!"

"Yeesh, enough with the big words!" O'Malley yelled. "We get it, you're a giant nerd! Don't rub it in all our faces!"

"I beg your pardon?" Lars growled.

"You heard me, numbercruncher." O'Malley sneered. "And to think, the others were telling Caboose he's not a real mafioso when there's a glorified bookkeeper like you in the family!"

"Leave him alone!" Sonny stepped forward.

"And you're no better." O'Malley spat. "Whoever heard of a gangster chef?"

"Enough." Lars growled. "Your words mean nothing here."

"Yeah?" O'Malley sneered. "At least I've got something other than words to throw at folks!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lars frowned.

"Only that you're a big-mouthed know-it-all, wimp!" O'Malley spat. "I'm surprised anypony ever said Caboose had no place in this family, when there's a couple of no-accounts like you sullying the Napoleon name!" I'm gettin' outta here, before you guys turn me into a loser too!"

O'Malley sauntered out of the room, leaving an indignant Lars and Sonny behind.

'Even Slot, the most violent and temperamental of us, was no match for O'Malley...'

As Slot walked past who he thought was Caboose, he shoved him lightly.

"Hey, watch where you're going, moron!" O'Malley yelled.

"What did you say to me?" Slot turned snarling.

"What are ya, deaf as well as blind?" O'Malley sneered. "I said watch where you're going, stupid!"

"Oh, that's it." Slot knocked his hooves together. "Nopony talks to me like that unless they want a beating."

"Is that so?" O'Malley got right up in Slot's face, flashing a very disturbing grin. "Try it."

"I, uh..." Slot actually backed away, freaked out by the look on O'Malley's face.

"Go on." O'Malley back Slot against a wall. "Give it to me, tough guy."

Left with no choice, Slot lashed out blindly. O'Malley grabbed his hoof, and flipped him onto his back, knocking the wind out of him.

"Time to face facts, Slotty." O'Malley smirked. "There's a new tough guy in this family, and it's not you."

O'Malley walked away, leaving Slot with his wounded pride.

'Our servants were no better off either...'

As the family butler brought Caboose an alfalfa and radish sandwich, he suddenly tripped on a snag in the rug, sending the sandwich and it's contents spraying across the floor.

"You idiot!" O'Malley took over. "Look what you've done, you clumsy dope!"

"My apologies, master Caboose-" The butler started.

"It's O'Malley!" O'Malley yelled. "Now clean up that mess, and make me a new one!"

"Yes, master O'Malley." The butler nodded, bending over to pick up the spilled food.

"And be quick about it!" O'Malley kicked him in the side.

"Yes, sir." The butler winced.

'Finally, it all came to head. Two weeks after our trip to the doctor, the brothers joined myself and Sandy in the study...'

"Grim, we've got a problem." Murray declared.

"What problem?" Grimoire asked.

"It's O'Malley." Salt declared, still nursing his wounded leg. "We can't take having around any more."

"That brutish barbarian is just too much." Lars agreed.

"I'll say." Vinny agreed. "He insulted my wine!"

"And my cannolis!" Sonny added.

"This can't go on." Murray sighed. "Caboose was one thing, but O'Malley is something else."

"No kidding." Slot nodded. "I say we send that psy-ke psycho off somewhere where he can't bother anypony ever again!"

"Wait, what?" Murray frowned.

"Whoa, don't you think that's a little drastic?" Sonny declared.

"Sonny's right." Grimoire agreed. "O'Malley may be a problem, but Caboose is innocent."

"Is he?" Lars asked. "O'Malley came from him. Technically, Caboose is just as much the problem as O'Malley."

"Yeah." Vinny nodded. "Trust Caboose to mess things up for us again..."

"Maybe we should send him away..." Sonny admitted.

"This is unbelievable... You'd do that to your own brother?" Sandy asked, disgusted.

"It's not like we have a lot of choice here." Salt pointed out.

"Caboose didn't have a choice at all." Sandy retorted. "And here you are, ready to condemn him, when it's your fault O'Malley's here in the first place!"

"Our fault?" Lars frowned. "I fail to see the logic in that statement."

"You guys have always treated Caboose like the low pony on the totem pole around here." Sandy declared. "Always making fun of him, pushing him around..."

"It's not our fault he's a loser!" Slot countered.

"But it is your fault that he ended up pushing all his bad feelings down." Sandy countered. "You were always putting him down, stomping on his self-esteem... Is it any wonder he repressed those feelings for so long?"

"If he weren't such a weed, he wouldn't need to repress anything!" Slot yelled.

"What about the whole Peaches thing?" Sandy asked. "It could have all been avoided if you'd just told Caboose she was using him. But no, you thought he had to learn for himself, and look what happened when he did. If anypony's to blame for O'Malley being here, it's all of you!"

"Look Sandy, we know this isn't Caboose's fault." Vinny declared. "But O'Malley is really messing things up around here. There's no telling what he might do to us in the future."

"But Caboose would never hurt any of you guys." Sandy protested. "You are blowing this way out of proportions."

"Oh?" Salt glared, as he held up his injured hoof, "You call this 'blowing it out of proportion'? He almost destroyed my boxing career!"

"Exactly!" Slot nodded. "None of us have ever hurt each other like that before! We give each other a couple black eyes and bruises every now and then, but never broken bones!"

"Slot makes a good point... for once." Lars added. "If O'Malley could inflict such a wound on one of us so casually, imagine what he could do if he were to really get angry."

"You don't think he'd... y'know, do you?" Murray asked worriedly.

"I wouldn't put it past him." Vinny admitted. "None of us know what O'Malley is capable of."

"But still, to send your brother away?" Sandy frowned. "How could you do that to Caboose? It's not his fault what's become of his mind!"

"It's a lousy hoof he's been dealt, sure." Sonny admitted. "But there's no reason the rest of us have to suffer for it."

"The guy's a menace." Salt frowned. "He messes with all of us, and even the servants."

"You have to admit Grim, Caboose has gotta go." Murray sighed. "For all our sakes."

"It's the logical thing to do…" Lars agreed.

"Grim, dear, you can't possibly be considering this." Sandy looked at Grimiore warily.

"I consider all options." Grimoire declared. "And the others are right about O'Malley being dangerous..."

"So you're going to exile him?" Sandy demanded. "Like he's some dirty little secret?"

"I'm not making this decision lightly." Grimoire told her.

"But you are making it!" Sandy pointed out. "How could you even considering throwing your little brother? If it weren't for Caboose, we would never have met!"

"Don't forget, I'm the don now." Grimoire declared. "If O'Malley could cause such problems in our own home, how knows what he could do to our agents? One misstep, and they'd suffer agony they don't deserve. And I'm not even getting into the operations he could ruin..."

"What are you saying, Grim?" Sandy asked.

"I'm saying... maybe we have no choice." Grimoire sighed. "Maybe we do have to send Caboose away."

"W-w-what?"

Everypony in the room froze up, as they turned to the door…and saw a mortified Caboose.

"Caboose!" Murray quickly put on a fake smile. "Hey..."

"Didn't know you were there..." Salt said warily.

"How's tricks?" Sonny asked weakly.

"What is this?" Caboose murmured, his voice registering hurt, "What do you mean, you're going to have to send me away?"

"Look, it's not what you think..." Vinny started.

"Oh, really?" Caboose snarled. "What is it then?"

"We were talking about... sending you on vacation!" Slot lied.

"Really?" Caboose sneered, his voice trembling. "I think you're lying..."

"Caboose, just stay calm..." Grimoire urged.

"Tell me the truth." Caboose growled. "You want to get rid of me, don't you?"

"No, not at all." Murray stepped. "You're talking crazy, bro..."

"Don't lie!" O'Malley emerged, clutching Murray's throat.

"Gak!" Murray gasped. "Caboose, please!"

"It's O'Malley!" O'Malley snarled. "O'Malley! Can't you get that through your head? Or do I have to beat it into you?"

"Easy, easy!" Salt said.

"Just calm down." Lars urged.

"Let. Murray. Go." Grimoire said firmly.

O'Malley released Murray, who gasped for breath.

"No more lies." O'Malley seethed. "You're tryin' to get rid of me, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah!" Slot yelled.

"Why?" O'Malley asked.

"Why do you think?" Vinny snorted. "Because you're a violent, psychopathic jerk!"

"What?!" O'Malley spat.

"'Sociopathic' might be a better term." Lars admitted. "You care about nopony but yourself, O'Malley."

"You treat us like garbage." Sonny added.

"Or worse, your own personal punching bags." Salt added, stroking his broken leg.

"Or targets." Murray added darkly.

"I'm sorry to say that they're right." Grimoire agreed. "You're a loose cannon, O'Malley. We can't trust you to be a part of our work."

"I hate to admit it, but Grim has a point." Sandy sighed. "You can't be trusted not to insult or maim your own brothers. You're too dangerous for us to trust you."

"You all... really think that?" O'Malley muttered, shocked.

"Just being honest." Slot taunted him.

"Oh, you want honesty? Is that it?" O'Malley sneered. He let out a chortle, "Okay, how's this for honesty: Caboose thinks you all are nothing but heartless buckholes!"

"Yeah, right." Slot snorted. "Caboose? Think of us all as buckholes? That dweeb can't hate to save his life."

The brothers nodded and muttered in agreement.

"I don't believe you." Murray glared at O'Malley. "You're making it up."

"Oh, is that what you think? That I'm making all this up?" O'Malley frowned. "Newflash, I know every single thing that goes on in Caboose's head! And I know all the contempt he holds for each and one of you."

He then closed in on Murray.

"Murder Revolver-Ocelot Napoleon." O'Malley sneered. "Caboose thinks that you are a smug butthole who thinks that just because he has a Spurnish accent he's some kind of a Casanova, and he hates how you never once let him use any of the fancier crossbows that circulated through this household, and how you treat him like a retarded foal who can't survive a day on his own. But he isn't... he can use crossbows just as good, if not better, than your self-satisfied flank! You consider yourself number two... you may be, but not in the way you would think..."

"What?" Murray gasped. "Caboose... thinks that about me?"

Then O'Malley faced Salt.

"Assault Statham Napoleon. Caboose remembers every single time you suckered punched him in the guts, or those noogies you gave him, or shoulder jabs, all just to get a laugh. But he never laughed. He asks himself what he had done to deserve such treatment. He thinks you are nothing but a brute who uses excessive force to make a point that you are some 'bonafide protector', but you are just a thug."

"Thug?!" Salt blanched.

"And then there's Vandal Cartman Napoleon." O'Malley gave a snide smirk at the scowling Vinny. "Caboose just cannot stand you. He hates how you hurt his feelings with your mean words and nopony liking him, and how you make fun of him. In reality, Caboose pities you, for you are nothing but a fat-flank foal with a potty mouth who should been rotting in a cesspool with all his cruddy alcohol."

"Caboose..." Vinny frowned. "I'm sorry..."

"And Arson Blaze Napoleon." O'Malley ignored Vinny, as he glared at Sonny. "I will admit, out of the others, you are the least irksome of the bunch... however, that does not excuse how you are a spineless wimp who joins in with the others in belittling me, who cannot think for himself, and must rely on others. And by the way, Caboose never liked half the stuff you made him eat."

"But... but I..." Sonny stuttered.

"And of course, his buddy, Larceny Atticus Napoleon." O'Malley glanced at Lars. "Caboose hates how you never shut up about your stupid math, your stupid science, and your super stupid theories regarding 'humans'. If anypony ought to be carted off to the looney bin, it ought to be you, you lanky, condescending filly-stein."

"Actually, it's 'philistine'." Lars murmured.

"Oh, buck you!" O'Malley snarled, as he then seethed at Slot. "...Ah, Manslaughter Lucky Napoleon. Who could forget you... Caboose has many bad thoughts about you."

"Yeah, right." Slot snorted. "He wouldn't dare think anything bad about me."

"You could not be any more wrong." O'Malley chuckled darkly. "Out of all the brothers, Caboose hates you the most. He hates how you push him around, how you almost kill him with your weapons, how you lose it every single day over the trivial things, and quite frankly, thinks that for Caboose being the foal of the family, you are a bigger baby than he is, who gets angry when things don't go his way."

"Hey, I don't get angry!" Slot yelled. "I ought shank ya, ya dumb-"

Slot stepped forward, only for O'Malley to slap him across the face.

"See what I mean?" O'Malley smirked.

"O'Malley, stop this at once!" Grimoire stepped forth. "If you expect me to believe that Caboose, honestly the nicest stallion I know, has such ill regard for us, you are-"

"And you!" O'Malley turned on Grimoire, much to his shock. "Grimiore Bonaparte Napoleon... there's no doubt that Caboose once held you with the highest regards. But even you, the one brother that Caboose thought loved him the most, let him down the hardest."

"What are you talking about?" Sandy frowned. "Grim's always loved him!"

"That's right." Grimoire nodded. "I promised... somepony very important that I'd watch out for him, and that's what I've done."

"Gimmee a break." O'Malley snorted. "You just stood back and watched while the others pushed him around, you never appreciated his ideas... you even let his heart get broken by Peaches! You knew she was bad news and he did nothing!"

"I, I just thought..." Grimoire spluttered, ashamed.

"That's enough." Sandy stepped forward. "Grim's made mistakes, but don't ever doubt that he cares about you."

"Ah, Sandy..." O'Malley gave a small sigh. "Caboose always did like you. Your kindness, your compassion, the fact that you always laughed at his jokes. In fact, one might say that he had a... crush... on you."

"What?" Sandy gasped.

"I don't believe it..." Grimoire frowned.

"No way!" Murray gasped.

"Whoa..." Salt gaped.

"Inconceivable..." Lars frowned.

"I never would've guessed..." Sonny added.

"If I had something in my mouth, I'd spit it out." Vinny admitted.

"Like he'd even have a chance with her." Slot snorted.

"However, Caboose knew that he had no chance with you... but that didn't make it hurt any less when you sided with Grim on telling him about Peaches..." O'Malley frowned. "Caboose thought you cared about him, but I guess he was wrong..."

"I do care about Caboose." Sandy declared.

"We all do." Murray added.

"Don't feed me that bull!" O'Malley yelled. "I know what you are! You're nothing but a bunch of bad brothers! Family, my plo-Ahhh!"

"O'Malley started convulsing, as Caboose returned.

"What... what just..." He noticed the others staring at him, their expressions mixed with anger, shock, and confusion. "What…what did O'Malley say just now?"

"Only that you think we're all jerks." Slot said bluntly and harshly. "And that you have the hots for Sandy."

"I never knew you hated me so much, Caboose." Salt sighed.

"All of us." Lars added.

"I... I..." Caboose spluttered, "Oh…man…no…"

"Is it true?" Grimoire asked. "Do you really hold us in such contempt?"

"No!" Caboose murmured, tears coming to his eyes, "No! I love you all! It's just…just…"

"This is a yes or no question, Caboose." Murray glared, "Do you really mean those things O'Malley said? About us being bad brothers?"

"...Yes!" Caboose burst into tears, burying his face into his hooves. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I deserve to be sent away! I deserve it!"

Caboose run out of the room, his crying echoing through the halls...

"Oh, Caboose." Sandy frowned, tears striking her own eyes. "I had no idea..."

"Neither did I." Grimoire nodded sadly.

"He really hates, doesn't he?" Vinny frowned.

"It would appear so, yes." Lars sighed. "As ludicrous as it would seem..."

The family feel into silence for a moment, until...

"Are we really bad brothers?" Sonny asked suddenly.

"No." Murray declared. "O'Malley just... twisted the truth"

"Yeah, that's it." Salt agreed, though a bit hesitant. "We're great brothers! Caboose doesn't know what he's talking about…"

"No." Sonny said in anguish. "No, we're not."

"Pardon?" Lars frowned.

"O'Malley was right. We all been treating Caboose like nothing." Sonny admitted, "Pushed him around, took him for granted, ignoring him…"

"Sonny, you're letting what O'Malley said get to you." Vinny pouted. "Tell him, Murray."

"...No... Sonny is right." Murray sighed, sitting down on the nearby sofa. "I should've treated Caboose better."

"And I guess..." Salt took the seat aside him. "I might have overdone it with the sucker punches. I had no idea that Caboose was that upset over them."

"I suppose I do drone on a lot..." Lars admitted.

"And I could have treated Caboose better..." Vinny sighed.

"Well, I don't know what you guys are moping about, I hadn't done anything wrong." Slot claimed.

"What are you talking about?" Murray growled.

"Yeah, you're no better than any of us!" Vinny glared, "We all know how you've always hated Caboose!"

"Heck, you called him weird looking the moment he was born!" Sonny frowned.

"What? Me? Hate Caboose?" Slot gaped. "You're kiddin' me, right? Why would I hate that little dweeb?"

"Well, for starters, you never stop insulting him." Lars pointed.

"In a brotherly way." Slot defended.

"And you go out of your way to bully him." Vinny declared.

"A little affectionate ribbing..." Slot shrugged.

"Cut the act." Murray growled. "You hate him, just admit."

"No, I... I don't..." Slot muttered. "You're all wrong."

"Slot..." Grimoire glared at him.

"Don't 'Slot' me!" Slot yelled.

"Slot, be honest." Murray glared.

"I... I.." Slot looked around. All the brothers were glaring at him. "Okay, fine, I hated him!" Slot confessed. "But I am not proud of it! Ever since that klutzy dolt came into our lives, I became the middle child! Being the youngest was the only thing I had going for me in this family! But then he comes in and instantly becomes the pony everypony likes!"

"That doesn't mean he deserved everything you did to him." Grimoire declared.

"You were his big brother." Sandy said firmly. "He deserved your love, not your hate."

"You don't think I know that!" Slot snarled. "I tried not to resent the guy but it's impossible for me! He's so dumb, and clumsy, and he eats all the radishes... and he's always so upbeat, and happy, and knows good jokes, he's always ready to help..." Slot started getting emotional.

"Dude... are you crying?" Vinny frowned.

"No, I got something in my eye." Slot sniffed sarcastically, before roaring, "Of course I'm crying!" He sat on the ground, shamelessly bawling. "I'm a horrible, despicable pony."

"There, there, bro." Salt comforted him, "You're not despicable... our cousin Gru, maybe, but not you."

"Besides, I'm the despicable one." Murray sighed. "Like when I had Caboose clean all my crossbows, just for dropping my favourite one in the mud."

"You call that despicable?" Lars snorted. "I once made Caboose copy out all my tax return forms, because I couldn't be bothered to do the work!"

"That's nothing!" Salt glared. "I once stuffed Caboose into a punching bag for ruining my brass hooves and beat up that bag!"

"I set him on fire!" Sonny stepped up.

"Oh, yeah?" Vinny growled. "I locked him in the trunk of the carriage for three days!"

"When did this become a competition?" Lars asked.

"I haven't been a good brother, either." Grimoire confessed. "I broke my promise to look out for Caboose... Anarchy must be rolling in his grave."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Grim." Sandy comforted him. "You did your best..." She suddenly trailed off.

"Sandy?" Grimm frowned, "What's wrong?"

"Do you hear something?" Sandy murmured.

"Nothing but these yahoos fighting over who mistreated Caboose the worst." Grimoire declared.

"What about the time I stuffed him in a mouse costume, and tricked him into going into the lion cage at the zoo by saying they wanted to be friends?" Slot asked.

"Dear... Dusty is usually awake by now." Sandy frowned, "So why isn't she giggling, calling, or even crying for us?!"

Dread instantly filled the room, as the brothers stopped their arguing, and Grimm went wide-eyed.

"You don't think..." Grimoire had a bad thought.

"No, he wouldn't..." Sandy gulped.

"Wouldn't he?" Lars countered.

"...Oh, Faust, Dusty!" Sandy cried.

In a panic, the brothers and Sandy rush over to Dusty's room. Grimm and co. were about ready to attack the moment they got in there…only to be greeted by a peculiar sight:

O'Malley was in the room, peering under Dusty's crib, apparently looking for something, only to stand up and glance down at Dusty.

"There we go, no monsters here." He smiled. "And even if there were, I'd beat 'em up for you."

"Thanks, uncle 'Malley." Dusty grinned.

"Anything for you, squirt." O'Malley tickled her.

"What the buck…" The brothers muttered in unison.

"What is wrong with this picture?" Murray frowned.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say O'Malley is actually being... nice." Lars gaped.

"No way..." Sonny frowned. "Not him..."

"This is a dream." Slot rubbed his eyes. "Gotta be..."

As soon as the little foal fell back asleep, O'Malley soon realized he was being watched, and turned to them.

"…What?" O'Malley frowned. "Dusty was afraid that there were monsters under her crib, and Caboose wanted to check it out."

"...O'Malley... um..." Grimiore muttered. "When we realised Dusty wasn't making any noises, we thought..."

"...Oh, that is cold." O'Malley glared. "First you think Caboose as some incompetent dolt, and now you think that he, let alone me would hurt a buckin' foal?"

"Hey, it's not like our worries weren't warranted." Salt glared back, holding up his injured hoof again.

"And we did plan to send you away." Lars explained.

"Well, you don't know me at all." O'Malley scoffed. "A vicious stallion I am, a vengeful one I am not."

"For that, we are relieved." Sonny gave a small smile.

"O'Malley..." Sandy stepped forth. "Look, we understand that we all let Caboose down on numerous occasions, some moreso than others... but do know that we all care for Caboose very much, and we all realized that we shouldn't had let Peaches do this to him."

"We're all sorry." Murray sighed.

"Not just for Peaches, but for everything." Salt added.

"For always making fun of you..." Vinny sighed.

"Ignoring you..." Lars continued.

"Never sticking up for you..." Sonny sighed.

"Pushing you around..." Slot declared. "You didn't deserve it, bro."

"Will you accept our apology?" Grimoire asked.

O'Malley's scowl faded, as Caboose returned.

"Yes!" Caboose hugged Grimoire. "And I'm sorry for thinking all those bad things."

"Say no more about it." Murray grinned, as the others joined in the hug.

"We all said things we didn't mean back there." Salt smiled.

"Sorry O'Malley broke your leg." Caboose sniffed.

"It'll heal." Salt assured him. "Besides, I've got three more."

After a few moments, the brother came out of the hug.

"So... where does that leave me though?" Caboose frowned. "Are you still going to send me away?"

"...No." Grimoire shook his head. "It seems we had all been hasty in our attempt to cope with O'Malley, that we never took in account how you would feel. That said, we won't send you, or O'Malley away."

Instantly, Caboose's face shifted to O'Malley.

"Really? No foolin'?" O'Malley lit up.

"Yes." Murray nodded. "Because split personality or not, you're still Caboose, thus, still a Napoleon. A part of our family."

"And family sticks together." Salt added. "No matter what."

"Aw... thanks." O'Malley gave a genuine smile. "Guess there's a reason Caboose sticks around with you guys after all..."

"I would hope so." Grimiore nodded, before frowning, "However, if this is ever going to work between us, things will have to change. You will start treating this family and all who works for us with respect. No more abuse."

"Okay." O'Malley sighed in annoyance. "But if I dial back on this, I want more respect for Caboose. The poor shrimp is too limp-noodled to ask for it."

"I believe we can pull that off." Grimoire nodded, as he glanced at his brothers, "Right, boys?"

"Right!" The brother chorused, nodding in agreement.

"So, do we have a deal?" Grimiore asked.

"Sure." O'Malley shrugged. "Just throw in a dirty picture of Sandy, and we're golden."

"What?!" Sandy yelped.

"Don't push your luck." Grimoire frowned. "Why would you even say that?"

"Hey, you said nothing about my go-getter attitude." O'Malley joked. "Figured I'd remind of it."

"Very funny." Grimoire snorted.

"Seriously, I was just kiddin'." O'Malley admitted. "Sandy's your gal, and I respect that. And to be honest, I respect all of you. It can't have been easy, apologising to a jerk like me."

"That's what family does." Sonny smiled. "They accept each other, no matter what."

"Family." O'Malley smiled. "I like that... C'mere, guys!"

O'Malley pulled the whole family into a hug.

"Little tight there..." Murray gagged.

"I think we're all gonna get along just fine from now on." O'Malley grinned.

"I still kinda wanna shank him." Slot whispered.

"Me too." Salt quietly agreed. "Just try and hold it in..."

'In time, we grew used to O'Malley. For all his roughness, there was some good in him. Caboose was the equinity that O'Malley needed to keep him sane, and O'Malley was the one who pushed him to his limits. However, all good things must come to an end. O'Malley would eventually grow tired of Caboose's 'equinity' and try to take all he had for his own. But he could not fight the one that had created him and although he did end up hospitalizing Caboose for a couple of weeks, Caboose ended up having full control of his body and mind once more. And at the same time, he would finally find love and marriage with Daring Do... and well... read for yourself.'

It was the night of Caboose and Daring's wedding, as the duo had arrived safely in Palomino Canals. Caboose carried Daring into the bedroom of their holiday abode, placing her gently on the bed.

"I've been waiting for this." Daring grinned. "Our first night together as a married couple."

"Me too." Caboose smiled, as he undid his tie and suit, "It's like a dream come true. How else can I explain how beautiful you look."

"Aw, you." Daring smirked, as she shimmied out of her dress. "You're quite the handsome, hunky hubby yourself."

The two soon found themselves laying on the bed, staring lovingly into each others' eyes.

"Amazing." Caboose smiled warmly. "I honestly didn't think we'd get this far. I mean, my foresight was never really the best, but really…I never thought you would put up with me so long."

"What do you mean?" Daring asked, confused.

"Come on, Dare, let's be serious." Caboose sighed. "When we met, I was a lovesick puppy with a bulldog of an alter ego hounding me. Then you found out that I was a criminal of a mafia empire, and then there was O'Malley trying to kidnap you and make you his mare. I mean, even I would had jumped ship at the O'Malley part."

"Well, Caboose, you certainly aren't the first stallion I met and dated that had problems." Daring mused. "Albeit none of them had a sentient second personality, but you had something they didn't."

"Like what?" Caboose raised a brow.

"Lots of things." Daring smiled. "An unwavering smile, undying loyalty, a good heart, how you always look on the bright side... that, and you're a lot of fun to have on an adventure."

"Thanks, Daring." Caboose smiled. "Not many mares have loved me the way you do. I never thought I'd have this chance at happiness."

"Luckily, you thought wrong." Daring smiled, as she brought him in for a hug, nuzzling against him fervently. "Now c'mere, husband of mine. I've been waiting a long time for it to be just you and me in bed, with no O'Malley..."

"You know something?" Caboose grinned. "O'Malley may be gone, but I still think I'll be able to do the work of two stallions tonight."

"Promises, promises..." Daring purred, as she then rolled atop Caboose. "But for now, let me take care of you..."

"Oooh." Caboose chuckled, as Daring went to work. "That doesn't feel very careful. Not that I'm complaining, though..."

'I think we should leave that scene here. But in case you're wondering, when Caboose came back from that honeymoon, and told me about his experience... well, let's just say...

'She was not like making love to a board.'

See you in the next chapter.

Rise Of The Squid

'And now we move on to our next chapter. You see, even when retired, a mafia don can have an interesting life. In fact-'

Grimoire's writing was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He scowled. Zecora had taken a trip to the fringes of Equestria to buy some rare ingredients, and Grimoire had decided to alleviate the loneliness by focusing on his memoirs. He thought he'd be free to get some serious work done. But it seemed he'd thought wrong...

Chapter Twenty-Five: Rise Of The Squid

"Typical." Grimoire sighed. "Always when I start writing..." He picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Grim, it's Crowe." The voice on the other end announced.

"Crowe?" Grimm raised a brow. "Good to hear from you. What's up?"

"I'm just calling you to give you a quick head's up. Me and the others are coming your way."

"What for?" Grimoire asked, as he checked the nearby calendar, "Our next meeting isn't for a couple of weeks."

"We'll tell you when we get there." Crowe explained, "It's very important that we speak with you."

"I see." Grimoire frowned. "And when exactly will you arrive?"

There was a knock at the front door.

"That'll be us now." Crowe answered.

"Coming..." Grimoire sighed, hanging up.

Grimoire rushed downstairs, opening the door to find the whole gang (minus Zugzwang, of course).

"Morning, Grimoire." Kamikaze said nonchalantly.

"Kamikaze." Grimoire said curtly. He turned to Zebediah with a glare. "Zebediah..."

"Hi, Grim." Zebediah said awkwardly. Neither one had forgotten their last encounter. "How're things?"

"You mean since you and your friends tried to kill me?" Grimoire snarled.

"Um... yeah." Zebediah said awkwardly.

"Everything's been just fine." Grimoire glared at him. "Now, I take it you remember Oakley?"

Oakley walked by. The second he saw Zebediah, he growled fiercely at him.

"Heh-heh, nice doggy..." Zebediah gulped.

"Tootwa hega." Kong declared.

"Master Kong says 'Hello'." Kong's newest translator announced.

"Not that I don't mind seeing you guys, but would it kill you to give me a little more notice than calling me just before you arrive?" Grimoire asked.

"Sorry, Grim." Crowe apologised. "We have an very urgent matter we have to discuss with you."

"Urgent, huh?" Grimoire mused. "Okay, come into the study. Let's talk."

The dons gathered in the study.

"Say, Grim, on our way here, we saw your brother Slot hanging out with this hot gray Earth Pony chick." Kamikaze smirked, "What, did that one DJ ditz dump his angry little flank?"

"Fugu hro jinak." Kong murmured.

"Master Kong says it's a pity that they didn't work out for them." The translator explained, but then Kong made a quick 'Goola'. "But if Ms. Vinyl is seeing no one, he calls dibs."

"Um, actually, in case you hadn't heard..." Grimoire cringed, still a little put off by the recent event. "My brother actually married both that 'chick' and Vinyl."

"No way." Crowe gaped, "You mean that kid somehow managed to get two mares that tolerate his presence and are willing to be his mates. Both of them?"

"Trust me, Crowe, I still am trying to wrap my head around that." Grimiore deadpanned. "But yeah. Believe it or not, they're all actually pretty happy with one another." He then conjured up a smile. "I hadn't seen Slot that happy since that cider cart crashed outside our mansion."

"Well, I'll be damned." Kamikaze gave a genuine smirk, "I gotta admit, I'm impressed. One of your second-rate brothers actually did something that was awesome."

"Well, Slot certainly thinks so." Grimoire quipped.

"He's one lucky guy." Zebediah chuckled. "I always said he was the cool one..."

"Zwy graba difpa seftra." Kong smirked.

"Master Kong bids Slot welcome to the polygamous life. Speaking from experience, two mares would make him the happiest stallion in all of the world." The translator announced.

"Says the stallion who is 'married' to like, a dozen wives." Kamikaze grunted, "And some of them probably not willing."

"Kruka zho." Kong said sourly.

"Master Kongs says 'shut up'." The translator declared.

"Knock it off, you clowns." Crowe scowled. "We have business to attend to, remember?"

"So, what's the big problem?" Grimoire asked.

"It's rather simple, really." Crowe declared. "...We need a new sixth guy in our group."

"...That's the urgent matter?" Grimoire frowned. "Um, how is that at all an urgent matter? We had been doing just fine with the five of us, haven't we?"

"That we have." Crowe explained, but he then sighed. "But come on, Grim, even you must noticed that since Zugzwang's imprisonment, our meetings felt a bit... empty."

"Well..." Grimoire frowned. He didn't want to admit it, but there was truth to Crowe's words. Zugzwang's departure had left a hole. Not just in their operations, but in the group as a whole. He was a clever stallion, possessed of a keen business acumen, and a practical wisdom that helped them resolve problems. "You do have a point..."

"Yeah, things just aren't the same." Zebediah sighed.

"The guy was an uptight ass, but he knew what he was doing." Kamikaze admitted.

"Wure cri dela strax grof." Kong declared.

"Master Kong wonders how Mr Zugzwang is doing in prison." The translator added.

"From what I've heard, he's doing okay." Crowe declared. "Even managed to put together a little following of his among the prisoners."

"Sounds like somepony landed on his hooves." Zebediah chuckled.

"The only way to fix the hole that Zugzwang had left is to take in a new member." Crowe declared firmly, "Somepony who can pick up the slack, and manage the operations he left behind."

"But who?" Grimiore asked, "Zugzwang was a horrible pony, but he was an expert at what he did. And he has been in our group for so long... we can't just take in any pony."

"We're way ahead of ya, Grim." Kamikaze smirked, "We already written up lists of possible candidates. We got Gregarious, the Griffon boss from Aerovis."

"...Or Windwing, a Pegasus who's done a good job of pulling together the rackets over in Chineigh..." Zebediah added.

"Gue brala Rutter zila bia Fetland." Kong declared.

"Master Kong suggests the reindeer Rutter, a prominent up-and-comer in Fetland." The translator added.

"Each of them a decent crook." Crowe nodded, "But recently, we've gotten word of this new guy, Sid Calimari. A former errand boy who recently hit it big. From what we've heard, he could be just the ticket."

"A former errand boy?" Grimiore asked, "You guys want to take in a greenhorn?"

"Greenhorn nothing." Kamikaze smirked. "You remember that psycho Thestral, Dark Night?"

"The one who kept the whole city of Gotherd in line through intimidation and scare tactics? The one with the cowl?" Grimoire frowned.

"The very same." Crowe nodded. "This Calimari guy killed him."

"No way!" Grimoire gasped. "How? He's taken out some of the best mercenaries around! Nopony dared to challenge him for years!"

"Until now." Zebediah grinned.

"From what we've heard, Sid broke both the guy's wings, then tossed him off a building." Kamikaze smiled. "Pretty awesome, right?"

"Very impressive, I must admit." Grimoire remarked. "Maybe this new guy does have what it takes. But let's not get too ahead of ourselves. We should meet him in pony first, so we can get the measure of him."

"Our thoughts exactly." Crowe nodded. "Which is why we've already arranged to have him brought here. He should be along any minute now."

"And again, it wouldn't hurt to give me some advance notice." Grimoire scowled.

"Sorry, Grim." Crowe shrugged. "Time is of the essence, you know."

A short while later, there was another knock at the door. The dons all gathered outside it as Grimoire opened it to allow their new member in. To Grimoire's surprise, what was behind the door was a chubby, pale brown Earth Pony in a trenchcoat, with very thick glasses, and a hat over a pale blonde mane. His Cutie Mark was of a squid.

"Um, hello..." The stallion nervously said in a very high-pitcehd, nasally voice, "Is this the Napoleon's residence? My name is Sid Calimari..."

"You're Sid Calimari?" Grimoire gaped.

"That's what I said." Sid shrugged.

The other dons were just as surprised.

"Geez, he's a lot more... well-rounded than I imagined." Kamikaze cringed.

"I exercise a lot." Sid smiled. "Gotta stay in shape, y'know?"

"Oh, we know." Crowe frowned.

"Fei shyo garik." Kong said flatly.

"Master Kong says he expected Mr Calimari to be... taller." The translator announced.

"So, I hear this is your place?" Sid asked Grimoire.

"That it is." Grimoire nodded. "Welcome, Mr Calimari."

"I, er, brought you guys something." Sid pulled a bag out of his coat. "Cookies. I made them myself. Anypony hungry?"

"I'm good, thanks." Grimoire said flatly.

"Yeah, I just had lunch." Crowe lied.

"Ditto." Zebediah nodded.

"Kla ouk gilbi." Kong declared.

"Master Kong says cookies do not agree with him." The translator added.

"I prefer cinnamon buns." Kamikaze shrugged. "Scones are too plain for me."

"Oh, okay." Sid frowned. He placed the bag on a table. "I'll just leave them here, if you change your mind."

Oakley padded over to Sid, intrigued by the new arrival.

"Oh, my." Sid gaped. "Is that an actual Timberwolf? I've never seen one up close before..."

"Don't get too close." Grimoire told him. "Oakley isn't the best with strangers."

"I think he likes me, though." He placed a hoof on Oakley's head. The Timberwolf panted happily. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

"Unbelievable."Zebediah gaped.

"So he's good with dumb animals." Kamikaze snorted. "Big whoop."

"Oakley doesn't take to strangers too easily." Grimoire remarked.

"What can I say?" Sid shrugged. "I've always had a way with animals."

"Please, make yourself comfortable in the study." Grimoire told Sid. "We'll be with you shortly."

"Thanks." Sid smiled. He gave Oakley one last pat. "Bye, poochy."

After Sid entered the study, Grimoire turned to the others.

"Are you sure you've got the right guy?" He frowned. "He seems kind of like-"

"A wuss?" Kamikaze scowled. "He makes Zeb here look like a hero!"

"Yeah, I- Hey!" Zebediah growled.

"And then there's the cookies." Grimoire shook his head. "Call me shallow, but does the kind of guy we want in this group the kind who likes to bake for his pals?"

"Sure, he's giving off a wimpy kind of vibe." Crowe admitted. "But don't forget, he took down Dark Night! He can't be that big of a wimp if he pulled that off!"

"He even has that cowl of his to prove it!" Zebediah added. "He's obviously a stone-cold killer!"

"True..." Grimoire nodded. "But he's clearly lacking in mafia know-how."

"Evu gatta fih sella tekra ugu." Kong chipped in.

"Master Kong says big things come in small packages." The translator declared.

"Maybe he'd be more impressive if he had a kickflank name." Kamikaze declared. "Like, er... Ooh, Sid the Squid! Yeah, that works!"

"Yeah, like a catchy name is all you need to be a good crook." Zebediah scowled, still sore over Kamikaze's chide.

"He'll need to be shown the ropes, though." Crowe remarked. "But who could teach him?"

"...I will." Grimoire declared.

"Say what?" Kamikaze frowned.

"I'll show Sid the ropes." Grimoire announced. "If he's really as tough as his rep says he is, then it shouldn't take too long. Besides, I've always gotten a sense of satisfaction from teaching rookies the ways of the mafia."

"If anypony can do it, it's you!" Zebediah patted Grimoire on the back.

"Don't touch me." Grimoire glared at him, as Oakley growled again.

"Okay..." Zebediah cringed.

"Duk gra belb Grim zer tarka." Kong announced.

"Master Kong believes Grimoire will be an excellent teacher." The translator added.

"Whatever." Kamikaze shrugged. "As long as he doesn't mess it up, who cares?"

"Then it's settled." Crowe nodded. "Good luck, Grim. The rest of us have to get back. We'll come by in a week or two to check up on your progress."

"Try to give me a little more notice next time." Grimoire declared.

After the others departed, Grimoire entered the study.

"Hello, Mr Napoleon." Sid said pleasantly. "Where are the others?"

"They had to leave on business." Grimoire said curtly. "Now, I hear you have Dark Night's cowl."

"Oh, yes." Sid nodded. He pulled out a piece of singed and torn black material. "A little battle trophy."

"Very impressive." Grimoire smiled. "And you definitely earned it. It can't have been an easy feat, taking down that monster."

"It wasn't." Sid declared, rubbing the back of his head modestly. "For a while there, I thought I'd had it..."

"Good news, Sid." Grimoiree announced. "I have decided to teach you the ways of the mafia."

"Oh... goody." Sid smiled. "I'm sure I'll learn a lot from you, Mr Napoleon."

"Call me Grimoire." Grimoire urged.

"Okay, Grimoire." Sid nodded. "So, when do we start?"

"Right now." Grimoire smiled. "Beginning with your wardrobe. If you're going to be one of us, you're going to have to look the part. I happen to know the perfect place to get a new suit. Let's go."

"Right behind you." Sid smiled.

Following Grimoire's lead, Sid exited the mansion (neglecting to properly close the door behind him). A short while later, Murray and May walked in.

"Grimoire, you home?" Murray called.

"I don't think anypony's home." May declared. "Except for Oakley." She pointed to the sleeping Timberwolf.

"That's weird." Murray frowned. "It's not like Grim to leave the door unlocked."

"Guess we'll have to come back later." May sighed.

"Yeah..." Murray shrugged. As he made to leave, he spotted Sid's cookies. "Hey, snacks!"

"Really, Murray?" May frowned. "You're just going to eat them without asking?"

"Just one." Murray shrugged. "'Sides, we came all the way out here. I think that merits a treat." He took a bite out of one of the cookies. "Mmm-mmm! This is good! May, you gotta try one!"

"Well, I suppose one wouldn't hurt..." May tried a cookie for herself. "Wow. These really are good!"

"Told ya." Murray smirked.

Suddenly, an feeling of intense attraction came over them.

"Mmm, is it just me, or are you hotter than usual today?" Murray grinned.

"Right back at ya, stud." May smirked.

"Wanna head back home and have some 'alone time'?" Murray asked.

"You bet!" May purred.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Murray chortled.

The two rushed out of the mansion, Murray taking the cookies, making sure to properly close the door behind them.

Over at the Carousel Boutique, Grimoire had paid for Sid to be decked out in a fine business suit.

"Well, what do you think?" Rarity asked, as she finished her work. "Personally, I think I did a marvellous job, given what I had to work with..."

"Well, I do look very important, don't I?" Sid grinned.

"Now you look like one of us." Grimoire smiled, paying Rarity. "And soon, I'll be teaching you how to act like it."

"That sounds... terrific." Sid declared.

As they exited the Boutique, Grimoire laid down some ground rules.

"For the duration of your training, you will do whatever I say, and stick by me at all times." Grimoire announced. "Is that clear?"

"Crystal." Sid nodded.

"Excellent." Grimoire nodded. "We'll start first thing tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it, Grimoire." Sid smiled. "I'll make you proud, I promise."

"That's the ticket." Grimoire smiled.

The next morning, teacher and student took the train to Canterlot.

"Okay, we're going to start off simple." Grimoire announced. "A little applied bribery."

"Bribery?" Sid asked.

"Yes." Grimoire nodded. "A rule of hoof is to always avoid the authority whenever possible. However there will come times when you can't. Fortunately, despite their 'oath' to the badge or whatever, some ponies can easily be swayed to 'look the other way' as you go about your business. But bribery is still risky business if the bribed is not one of the 'some ponies', which is why we will do an example. I just so happen to have a brother on the Royal Guard who's willing to take part in our little lesson."

They met up with Caboose on a street corner.

"Hey, Grim." Caboose smiled. "Is this the guy? Looks kinda chubby to me..."

"Don't judge by appearances, Caboose." Grimoire chided him. "Let's just get to work."

"Okay, let me just get into character." Caboose performed a number of bizarre warm-up routines.

"Character?" Sid frowned. "But he is a-"

"I know." Grimoire nodded. "Just go with it."

"Right." Caboose cleared his throat, then put on an exaggeratedly "authoritative" voice. "Sir, I believe you may have committed some criminal offenses. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Go on." Grimoire urged Sid. "Do it."

"Well, I, er..." Sid struggled to remember his lines. "I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding..."

"Perhaps." Caboose declared. "If only there was something that could make this all go away... Like say, something beginning with 'B'?"

"Well, it just so happens that I have something that could, ah... what's the next part... Ah! Smooth things over!" Sid made to pull out a bag of Bits, but dropped it. The bag burst open as it hit the ground, spraying Bits everywhere." "Whoops."

The passers-by noticed all the spilled Bits. It was clear to them what the scene looked like. The trio quickly made themselves scarce.

"Okay, rule one of giving a bribe: It has to be subtle, and private." Grimoire told Sid. "What you just did was neither of those things."

"Sorry." Sid cringed. "I'm a little bit clumsy."

"What about me, Grim?" Caboose asked. "Did I play my part with excellent skill, or what?"

"Yes, Caboose, you were great." Grimoire rolled his eyes. "A regular thespian."

"Of course I am." Caboose smirked. "Maybe I should audition for the Canterlot theatre's production of Plower Pan..."

"Yeah, you do that." Grimoire sighed.

"Sorry, Grimoire." Sid apologised. "Guess I'm not such a fast learner after all..."

"It's okay." Grimoire smiled. "It takes time to be good at anything. Let's just move on to the next lesson..."

The next "lesson" involved burning down a store in Whinneyapolis that had been behind in its protection payments.

"Okay, now this is an easy one." Grimoire stuffed a rag into a bottle of spirits. "Just light the rag, throw the bottle through the window, and... fwoof! The place goes up in flames."

"Sounds simple enough." Sid admitted. Using a lighter, he ignited the rag. "And more than a little familiar." Then he suddenly scowled...

"What's wrong?" Grimoire asked.

"Oh, nothing..." Sid shook his head. "It's just...before I decided to become a mobster, I used to own a bakery. I was pretty good at baking stuff back in the days... unfortunately, I ran into a little trouble with the law."

"What kind of trouble?" Grimoire asked, "You don't seem to be the type that looks for them."

"It was rather dumb." Sid sighed. "I was caught trying to smuggle some fruit that was illegal because they were..." He did hoof gestures. "'dangerous hallucinogens', or something."

"I see." Grimoire declared. "Got a taste for... less accepted ingredients?"

"Yep." Sid nodded. "I dabble in them sometimes. Call it a hobby."

"Everypony needs an interest." Grimoire shrugged. "I'm not judging."

"Long story short, they wanted me to pay them protection money. I fell behind on one payment and they burnt my bakery to the ground. That's why I wanted to be one of you guys. The ones who don't take guff from any bad guy." Sid declared.

"Really?" Grimoire asked, genuinely sympathetic. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Yeah, it was awful." Sid grimaced. "My life's work, up in flames."

"Well, this time, you're on the other end." Grimoire declared with a reassuring smirk. "See how you like being the one to start the fire."

"Yeah...here goes nothing..." Sid flung the bottle at the store, but he threw it too high. It bounced off the store sign and landed by the store next door. It shattered as it hit the ground, covering the door with its flaming contents. The door quickly went up, the rest of the building following suit. "Oh... that wasn't supposed to happen..."

"No, it wasn't." Grimoire groaned.

"Sorry, Grimoire." Sid sighed. "I know I'm not the best student."

"That's okay." Grimoire declared. "We'll move on to the next test. We're bound to find something you're good at sooner or later..."

Suddenly, the store that was the intended target caught on fire due to the fire of the other store spreading.

"Huh. Look at that." Grimoire smiled. "You passed... sort of."

"Yeah." Sid nodded. "Even though I burned an innocent building first."

"We'll call that 'extra credit'." Grimoire smiled.

The next test was a drug-running session. It was a simple task; All Sid had to do was take some bags containing the narcotic known as "snowdust" (a white, powdery substance that could cause euphoria in ponies) and bring it over to a distribution house on the far side of Manehattan, belonging to a stallion by the name of White Out. To Grimoire's pleasure, he seemed to succeed, returning to their hotel room bursting with joy.

"I did it!" He beamed. "Easy as pie!"

"Well done, Sid." Grimoire smiled. "Looks like we've finally found something you're good at."

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Hello?" He asked. "Oh, really? I see..."

"Who is it?" Sid asked.

"It's White Out." Grimoire announced. "He just called to inform me that the 'snowdust' you sent is actually flour."

"Aw, geez!" Sid groaned. "I had some spare flour bags in my backpack! I must have mixed them up!"

"And why did you have spare flour bags?" Grimoire asked.

"I like to bake on the go." Sid shrugged. "No matter where I am, I always have the ingredients on hand for some nice cookies, or scones."

"Clearly." Grimoire nodded. "We'd better go clear this up, before White Out thinks you intentionally gave him fake merchandise."

"I guess so..." Sid sighed.

Things only got worse from there. During an attempted arms smuggling , Sid tripped and dropped a box full of crossbows, spilling the contents on the floor. Not so bad, you may think, except that he had had the "brilliant" idea of loading them so there'd be less to carry. A dozen operatives were seriously maimed by the bolts that shot out when the crossbows hit the ground.

Then came an attempt at the old protection racket. Grimoire believed that, since Sid had once been on the receiving of one, he would be able to tap into his experience and use it to his advantage. Unfortunately, it was not to be...

"Y-you'd better fork over some cash." He stuttered to a group of operatives posing as store owners. "O-or else you'll get some of this!"

Sid slammed his hoof onto the fake counter, intending to break it, but instead injured his hoof.

"Oooh!" He yelped. "Ah! Ah! Ah!"

"I gotta be honest: I'm not all that intimidated." One of the operatives shrugged.

Later, in their hotel room, Sid buried his face in his hooves.

"Face it, I'm a disaster." He sighed. "I should have known killing Dark Night wouldn't magically make me good at this."

"No, it's experience that makes you good at something." Grimoire smiled. "You just have to keep trying, Sid. You will get better, I know it."

"Thanks, Grim." Sid smiled. "Nopony's ever believed in me like you do."

"If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that nopony's a lost cause." Grimoire smiled. "We just have to find the right skillset to suit you."

"Maybe something a little less... complex?" Sid suggested.

"Maybe..." Grimoire mused.

After their little talk, Grimoire decided to go for a more "street-level" approach. In Las Pegasus, he brought Sid to an abandoned warehouse, which was being used as a base of operations for the mob.

"Okay, Sid." He declared. "We're going for something really simple."

He led Sid down to the basement. Behind one door was an angry Pegasus with a red coat, white mane, crazed blue eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a bird of prey. His wings were chained, but the rest of him free to move.

"Let me outta here, ya stinkin' jerks!" He yelled.

"Who is that?" Sid asked.

"That would be Kestrel Cloudraker." Grimoire declared. "A notorious back-stabber and double-crosser. He's up for execution, and I want you to be the one who does it."

"Me?!" Sid spluttered.

"Him?!" Kestrel snickered.

"What's the problem?" Grimoire asked. "For somepony who killed Dark Night, this should be a piece of cake."

"Wait, he killed Dark Night?" Kestrel gaped. "That butterball?"

"That he did." Grimoire nodded, passing Sid a crossbow. "You should feel honored."

"Okay." Sid gulped, cocking the crossbow. "Here I go."

"I don't care what the Napoleon says, you ain't no killer." Kestrel spat. "Come on, give it your best shot!"

"I will." Sid nodded.

He aimed the crossbow, and fired. The bolt stuck itself in Kestrel's foreleg.

"AHHH!" Kestrel yelped.

"Sorry." Sid cringed. "I'm a little rusty. This should do it..."

Sid fired again, and the bolt struck Kestrel's wing.

"Argh!" Kestrel screamed.

"Third time's the charm." Sid awkwardly.

The third bolt got Kestrel in the shoulder.

"Urrrr!" He screeched.

"Sid..." Grimoire frowned.

"I got this!" Sid insisted, firing again and again. "I got this!"

More bolts entered Kestrel's body, none of them in an immediately life-threatening position.

"Ah! My perfect flank!" Kestrel screamed, clutching the bolt in his flank.

"Okay, I know I can do it this time!" Sid insisted, loading his crossbow.

"Oh, forget it!" Kestrel roared. He was covered in blood, and most of his limbs were crippled. "Give it here, I'll do it myself!" He reached out with his sole working hoof. "Death's better than this torture!"

"But I'm supposed to do it!" Sid insisted.

"Maybe you should let Kestrel do it." Grimoire grimaced at Kestrel's sorry state. "Let him put himself out of his misery..."

"Thank you!" Kestrel grinned, as Sid handed him the crossbow. "This is how its supposed to be done, butterball!"

Kestrel put the crossbow against his head, and fired, the bolt jamming itself in his skull and killing him instantly.

"Well... that happened." Grimoire remarked. "Shall we go?"

"Yeah..." Sid cringed, dropping the crossbow.

"I'm sorry, Grimoire." Sid sighed. "I can't do anything right."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Grimoire assured him (though a part of him agreed). "You think I picked up this job from day one? Of course not. I had to learn, just like you. It took time for me to find my niche. And I made my fair share of mistakes, even though I had some excellent teachers..."

"But that's you." Sid said sadly. "It's always been like this for me. I'm just a klutzy loser who keeps messing up everything. Maybe I should just quit while I'm behind..."

"Don't go thinking that." Grimoire declared. "Caboose used to think the same way you did, and look at him now."

"But I'm not Caboose." Sid insisted. "I'm just Sid. Clumsy, useless Sid."

"No, you're Sid 'the Squid'." Grimoire declared. "Don't forget, you took out Dark Night. For you to even come close to something like must mean you have the makings of greatness in you."

"Yeah, about that..." Sid said awkwardly. "What if I told you me killing Dark Night wasn't exactly... planned?"

"What do you mean?" Grimoire asked.

"Well, what if I were to say his death was... an accident?" Sid cringed.

"An accident?" Grimoire frowned. "What are you getting at-"

"Calimari!"

Grimoire and Sid turned to see a Thestral descending on them. He was big and bulky, with a black, spikey mane, eyes so manic they made Kestrel's look normal, and a bat-shaped Cutie Mark.

"Dark Night?!" Grimoire gasped. "But... but you're dead!"

"Is that what everypony's been saying?" Dark Night scowled. "That I was killed by this feeb?" He pointed at Sid.

"I d-don't understand." Sid quivered. "Y-you fell off the roof!"

"More like you knocked me off, you clumsy idiot!" Dark Night spat.

"Knocked off?" Grimoire frowned. "What's he talking about, Sid?"

"Yeah, Sid." Dark Night growled. "Tell 'im!"

"Well, it happened like this..." Sid declared.

Flashback...

Sid was hurrying across Gotherd, carrying a payoff for one of his boss's associates, Duke Draft.

"Running late." He looked at his watch between huffs and puffs. "Just my luck..."

Suddenly, a dark shape leapt out of the shadows, grabbing Sid and flying him up.

"Ahhh!" Sid yelped.

Before he knew it, the ride was over, and he was dumped painfully onto a roof.

"Oww..." Sid groaned, as he stood up. As he glanced upwards, he saw Dark Night glaring at him, his cowl flowing in the wind, "Oh, horseapples."

"Well, well." Dark Night glanced at the payoff parcel still clutched in Sid's hoof. "Got me a little present have you?"

"N-no." Sid trembled. "This is for Duke Draft."

"Not any more." Dark Night grinned.

"B-but if I don't deliver this, my boss is gonna kill me!" Sid quivered.

"I'm gonna kill ya if you don't give it up right now!" Dark Night yelled.

Dark Night grabbed the parcel. Sid held on for dear life, but he wasn't strong enough to keep it. Dark Night pulled it out of his hooves.

"Chubby little whiner." He scowled. "Nopony says 'no' to me!"

Dark Night shoved Sid hard. Sid fell against an aerial. His coat snagged on it, sending him swinging around back at Dark Night. The two collided, and Dark Night was shoved against the roof edge, breaking a wing. The parcel dropped to the floor.

"Gahhh!" He yelled.

Meanwhile, down on the street, Duke Draft, a beige Earth Pony with a red mane and green eyes, and his boys were waiting for the payment.

"Where's whatsisface with my money?" Duke growled. "Dumb clown's always running late..."

"Gahhh!"

The mobsters looked up, seeing the action on the roof.

"Is that... Sid?" One of them asked.

"Fighting Dark Night?!" Another gaped.

"Little weasel's got guts." Duke snorted. "No brains, but guts..."

Back on the roof, Dark held his injured wing, glaring at Sid.

"I-I am so sorry..." Sid cringed. "It w-was an accident. Really!"

"You're gonna pay for that, ya little punk!" Dark lunged at him.

"Not the face!" Sid ducked rapidly, causing Dark to trip over him, and slam face-first into some bricks.

"Sorry!" Sid yelped.

"Rarrrgh!" Dark tackled Sid, punching him repeatedly.

"No more!" Sid whimpered. "Please... stop!"

Sid managed to avoid one punch, causing Dark's hoof to impact on a brick.

"Yeowch!" Dark growled.

The punched brick cracked, and a piece dropped down to a steam tank below (which fed into the steam room in the gym in the building). It impacted on the tank, causing it to start leaking.

"You're gonna get it now, fatty!" Dark roared.

"No, don't!" Sid tried to run, but Dark grabbed his jacket. "Please don't!"

"Please show a little backbone." Dark spat.

Sid managed to slip out of his jacket. Dark tossed it aside, and charged at Sid again. Sid tried to run, but slipped on the money parcel.

"Whoa!" He yelped, throwing out a hoof to steady himself.

The hoof struck the attacking Dark in the face.

"Ugh!" Dark stumbled backward. He tripped over the edge of the roof, and dropped down to the steam tank, which exploded.

"Oh, no..." Sid gasped, looking at the destruction.

As he rushed back down, he was greeted by Duke and the others.

"Oh, uh, hi, Duke." He gulped.

"Do you know what you just did?" Duke asked.

"I-I didn't-" Sid started.

"You killed Dark Night!" Duke smirked. "You're a hero!"

"I am?" Sid smiled.

"A regular badflank." One of the flunkies agreed.

"Didn't know you had it in ya, Siddy." Another beamed.

"Yeah... me neither." Sid chuckled. "Guess I showed him, huh?"

"No kidding!" A third mobster grinned. "You know what'll happen when word gets out? You're gonna go places!"

"Check it out." Duke pulled Dark's singed cowl out of the wreckage. "You got yourself a souvenir. A little something to prove you did the deed."

"Yeah." Sid nodded. "I did it, no question. I killed Dark Night!"

"Let's hear for Sid!" One of the mobster cheered.

"Sid! Sid! Sid!" The gang cheered.

As Sid basked in their adulation, nopony noticed a dark shape dragging itself away.

The Present...

"H-how did you-?" Sid gaped.

"It was a close call." Dark declared. "I used my one good wing to catch the updraft of the explosion. Still made for a rough landing, but at least I got out of there in one piece. After I healed up, I tracked you down to here."

"So it was all a lie?" Grimoire asked Sid.

"I'm sorry." Sid sighed. "I didn't mean to lie. It just felt so good to be praised for once. Of course, then I was sent to you, and I started to realize how tough it'd be to live up to my new rep."

"A rep built on destroying mine." Dark scowled. "Ponies think I was killed by this wimp! I'll set 'em straight soon enough. But the fact that I was almost killed by this loser is too much to bear! I'm gonna have to kill ya, Calimari... AND I WANT MY BUCKING COWL BACK!"

"No, please!" Sid yelped, stepping back in fear, "I didn't mean to do all those things! It was an accident!"

"Really?" Dark growled. "Well, you're abut to have an 'accident' of your own!"

Grimoire stepped between them.

"You want him, you're going to have to go through me." He announced.

"Seriously, Napoleon?" Dark snorted. "You'd defend him, after he lied to you?"

"So he's a liar." Grimoire shrugged. "Doesn't make him a bad pony, heck he wouldn't be a mobster if he didn't. And I've actually gotten to like him. So yes, I will defend him."

"Your funeral." Dark snarled, charging at Grimoire.

Dark had a reputation as a fierce fighter, which he was currently living up to. He lashed out at Grimoire with savage fury. Though Grimoire had managed to stay in shape following retirement, he was clearly outmatched, only getting in one good hit for every three of Dark's. Meanwhile, Sid was standing on the sidelines, frozen in fear.

Grimoire threw a punch at Dark, but the Thestral caught it.

"Going up." He flew up on wings, and dropped Grimoire to the ground.

"Ugh!" Grimoire grunted.

"Going down." Dark smirked. He divebombed Grimoire, ramming him into a wall.

"Urr..." Grimoire slumped to the ground.

"Grim, no!" Sid yelled.

"Now to finish you." Dark smirked. "Nopony gets in my way. Not even you!"

Sid's face suddenly hardened. He grabbed the crossbow, loaded it, and pointed it at Dark.

"Stop right there." He demanded.

"Oh, please." Dark smirked.

"I'm warning you!" Sid spat.

"You're warning me?" Dark snickered. "Gimmee a break."

"I mean it!" Sid yelled. "Back off, or I shoot!"

"Go for it, chubby." Dark taunted. "Let's see what Sid the Squid's really got!"

"Okay, you asked for it!" Sid fired the crossbow.

The bolt glanced off the wall behind Dark.

"Oops." Sid gulped.

"Nice." Dark sneered.

However, the bolt kept bouncing off surfaces, eventually striking a neon sign just above Dark. The sign, already loose by years of substandard maintenance, broke off its moorings, and fell towards Dark.

"No happy accidents to save you this-" Dark started, before the sign crashed on top of him.

"Wow." Sid gaped. "Did I do that?"

"I think you did." Grimoire got to his hooves. "Nice shooting."

"Thanks." Sid smiled.

One of Dark's hooves was sticking out of the wreckage. Grimoire felt for a pulse, and found nothing.

"You really did it this time." Grimoire announced. "You killed Dark Night."

"Only by accident." Sid sighed.

"True." Grimoire nodded. "But you saved us, so that has to count for something, right?"

"I guess it does." Sid smiled a bit.

"...Unfortunately, you do realize I will have to tell the others about what really went down, right?" Grimm frowned.

"Yeah." Sid sighed. "So much for making a name for myself..."

The two returned to Ponyville, the other dons already waiting for the progress report. Grimoire wasted no time in explaining everything.

"So, what exactly are you saying, Grim?" Crowe frowned, after hearing the whole story.

"I'm saying that despite the promises that Sid shows and his merit of offing Dark Night, I'm afraid Sid can't join our inner circle." Grimoire said sadly, as Sid gave a solemn nod, "While he did have a hoof in Dark's death, it was just a lucky accident. And he had major difficulty in performing most of the operations a mobster would do. I can't in good conscience let someone as kind-hearted as Sid get mixed up in all the business that we do. I would never sleep at night if something happen to him because of us..."

The other dons were silent at first, until Crowe spoke.

"...Um, yeah..." Crowe rubbed the back of his head, "We already know about Sid's 'accidental' victory over Dark."

"You did?!" Grimoire and Sid said together.

"Of course we did!" Kamikaze snorted. "Look at the guy! Does he really look like the kind of stallion who could off somepony like Dark Night?"

"Well, off him intentionally." Zebediah added.

"But why would you want him in our group?" Grimoire asked. "I thought you had other candidates."

"Yeah, right." Kamikaze scoffed. "That Gregarious guy? Totally full of himself! He'd never be able to work together with anypony!"

"And Wildwing?" Crowe snarled. "He's a well-known coward. He'd leave us in the lurch at a moment's notice."

"And don't even get me started on that Rutter clown." Zebediah snorted.

"Why, what's wrong with him?" Grimoire asked.

"Major B.O. problem." Zebediah waved his hoof. "We'd all choke to death if we had to sit in the same room with him for more than five minutes."

"Out of all of them, Sid was the only one that actually sounded like a pony we can tolerate." Crowe scoffed.

"Fega swala turu maga krista." Kong declared.

"Master Kong says that sometimes a stallion's reputation is what matters most." The translator added.

"But it was built on a lie." Sid murmured. "I lied to all of you about being somepony I am not."

"Look, Sid." Crowe sighed, "The thing is, I am sick of staring at an empty chair during all our meeting. Like Kong said, you have potential. Sure, you might not be Zugzwang, but he was a guy who sicked a chimera on zebras. Hating zebras myself, I found that a step too far. At this point, you are the best pony we got, right, boys?"

"He sure is." Zebediah nodded. "You've got my vote, Siddy."

"You've got guts, I'll give you that." Kamikaze smiled.

"Wooga avru seka zeefa." Kong announced. "Qua frax dugu kala."

"Master Kong admires your willingness to admit the truth." The translator nodded. "It is very honourable of you. And Master Kong respects honourable stallions."

"Well, isn't this a surprising turn of events..." Grimoire smiled, actually touched by the other dons' support, as he turned to Sid, "What do you say, Sid? You still want to join us?"

"...I dunno." Sid frowned.

"What?!" Kamikaze snarled, "You ungrateful buck! I just threw my heart on the line to you, and you just say 'I dunno'? What kind of sick-"

Oakley suddenly started barking at Kamikaze.

"You might want to ease off on Oakley's pal there, Kami." Grimoire smirked.

"...Okay." Kamikaze gulped, Oakley still growling at him.

"What's wrong, Sid? Isn't this what you wanted?" Crowe asked.

"It's just..." Sid sighed, "I just thought if I was to be one of you guys, it would have been because I deserve it, not because you guys liked me more than everypony else. I mean, you heard Grim. I practically tanked everything that a mobster do! I can't even kill a guy equinely!"

"So?" Kamikaze shrugged. "You killed Dark Night, even if it was an accident."

"Besides, you meant to do it this time." Zebediah added. "And it's the thought that counts."

"But I-" Sid frowned.

"You may not be the ideal mobster, Sid." Grimoire admitted. "But that doesn't make you worthless. You may not be the toughest tough guy out there, but you stood up to Dark to protect me, and that says a lot."

"Fraj dro sev qui wu daj." Kong said.

"Master Kong says that it is the strength within that matters most." The translator declared.

"And that's something you have in spades." Crowe smiled.

"Gee, thanks guys." Sid frowned. "But still, I-"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Grimoire answered it to find an exhausted Murray behind it. His suit was ragged, and he seem to be wearing an icepack taped to his backside.

"Hey, Grim." Murray yawned, panting lightly.

"Murray?" Grimoire gaped. "What happened to you? And what's with the ice pack?"

"It's a long story." Murray panted. "But to make it short, I need more of those cookies you have here!"

"Cookies?" Grimoire frowned. "What cookies?"

"You know, those cookies you had on the table the other day!"

"Wait...you mean Sid's cookies?" Grimoire gasped.

"You ate my cookies?"

Murray and Grim turned to see Sid and the other dons walking in, the latter curious about what was going on.

"Your cookies?" Murray asked, "You mean you made those Faust-send treats?!"

"He did... but what is going on here? Why you want those cookies?" Grimoire raised a brow.

"Oh, Grim... I don't know what happened, but when me and May ate those cookies, all we could think of is bucking each others' brains out! We been bucking it out for the last couple of weeks! Just yesterday, we found out that we were having a foal!"

"Really?" Grimoire asked. "That's great news!"

"Congratulations." Crowe smiled.

"Mazzle tov!" Zebediah added.

"Yeah, kudos." Kamikaze shrugged.

"Ganu squala." Kong grinned.

"Master Kong gives you his heartiest congratulations for your blessing." The translator declared.

"You must be so happy!" Sid beamed.

"Yeah, but what made it sweet was the mating we did to celebrate us having a kid! We practically worn out our bedsprings!" Murray smiled proudly.

"...Sid, what in the buck are in those cookies?!" Grimoire asked Sid in shock.

"Well..." Sid said sheepishly, "You remember how I said I tend to use... 'illegal substances' in baking?"

"That you did." Grimoire nodded.

"You see, back in the days, I like to bake all sorts of unique food. And I like to give them certain... you know, 'oomf'." Sid admitted, "I have a few connections that hooks me up with those stuff, and I would put them into my pastries. Just eating one of them could have all sorts of very beneficial effects. Like say, amping up a couple's sex drives to very, very high levels."

"Well, they most certainly work." Murray chuckled. "And they were still good." He then frowned, "But they are safe, right?"

"Oh yes... they may be illegal, but I take extra care in making sure they're safe to eat." Sid shrugged, "It's all I can really do. Make tasty food that make you horny, high, or as giddy as a giraffe in spring."

"Wait... you can make food that can get you high?" Zebediah gaped.

"Oh yes." Sid nodded, "And not like those pot brownies. I'm talking high as outer space high!"

"Ooh, not bad." Zebediah grinned.

"Gunb fila berd." Kong announced.

"Master Kongs says such confections have... potential." The translator declared.

"No kidding." Kamikaze smirked. "I'm starting to see baking in a whole new light..."

"And there's more." Sid smiled. "I've also made pastries that you could use against your enemies. I've made crepes that can dull a pony's mind, scones that work like depressants, canolis that paralyze the eater... Though one time, I somehow made rice cakes that when eaten, your head blows up."

"...No. Buckin'. Way." Kamikaze gasped loudly. "You weaponized rice cakes." He then placed his hooves on Sid's shoulders and hugged him tightly. "I think I might be fallin' in love with you."

*Wait, you guys actually like the idea? I thought you guys wouldn't like a has-been baker in your group." Sid frowned.

"Yeah, but a baker who makes cookies that make you into a sex machine?" Crowe smiled, "I wouldn't mind some of that!"

"And all the deadly stuff you can make?" Kamikaze nodded, "That would open up a whole new branch of mafia warfare!"

"I'd try some." Zebediah chuckled. "And I know a couple of guys I could give those canolis to..."

"Gruc zibi frajin." Kong declared.

"Master Kong asks how much you would charge for such confectionaries." The translator added.

"Charge?" Sid smiled. "Like... you'd buy them?"

"Sure." Crowe nodded. "I'd pay a dozen Bits for some of those performance enhancing cookies. No, two dozen."

"Frip brawa." Kong added.

"Master Kong wishes to order ten dozen Bits worth." The translator declared.

"Get in line, tubby." Kamikaze sneered. "I'm first! I want those head exploding rice cakes!"

"Well, look at that." Grimoire smiled. "I think you may have found your niche after all."

"Yeah, you could make your own little bakery." Zebediah grinned. "I guarantee you'd rake in the dough! Whattaya say?"

"It's not exactly what I had in mind, but it is something I could be proud of." Sid admitted. "Okay, I'll do it!"

"Terrific." Crowe smiled. "Say, I know this place in Whinneyapolis that would make a great underground bakery. I'll lend you some cash to buy it, and you give me a few freebies in return, okay?"

"You got it." Sid nodded.

"Let me know when you're open." Murray smiled. "May and me could use some more of those cookies."

The dons started making requests of Sid, who looked ecstatic that he had finally found something he was good at.

"Maybe there is a place on this council for you after all." Grimoire declared. "You obviously have skills of your own. Skills that could help us."

"Well, I guess I could give it a try..." Sid shrugged. "Maybe for a little while."

"That's the spirit." Crowe smiled.

"Welcome aboard!" Zebediah chuckled.

"Duba skovo." Kong declared.

"Master Kong says he is pleased to have you join us." The translator declared.

"I call the call the seat next to him!" Kamikaze yelled.

"We're happy to have you." Grimoire smiled. "Even if it's just for a little while."

"Thanks, guys." Sid said humbly.

The next day, they all gathered in the study, to make things official.

"So it's unanimous." Crowe declared. "Sid is our new sixth member."

"Agreed." Grimoire nodded.

"Hear, hear." Zebediah grinned.

"You know it!" Kamikaze clapped Sid on the shoulder.

"Wulo." Kong nodded.

"Master Kong says 'yes'." The translator declared.

The dons took their seats. Just before Sid sat down himself, he took Dark Night's singed cowl out of his pocket, and draped it over his seat. It was a symbol, not of false victory, but how one little accident could lead to such great things.

A couple of days later, Grimoire finished chronicling the events of the past few days in his memoirs.

'And that is the story of Sid the Squid. Not exactly don material at first glance, but he had a criminal style all his own. His secret bakery is up and running as we speak, and business is booming. That just goes to show, we all have our own callings in life. Sometimes, you just need a little help finding them. And sometimes, that calling can really help others. I know those cookies of Sid's have really helped me and Zecora, if you catch my drift...'