Celestia's Crazy Contraptions
The Coolest Fridge of All Time
“I don’t think this is a very good idea, Princess.”
“Not to worry, Twilight, I know exactly what I’m doing,” Princess Celestia coolly responded to her pupil’s voice of concern. The two were currently located in the basement of Canterlot Castle, positioned in front of a large metal table. On the table was an assortment of tools and construction pieces, as well as plans for the project being built. Picking up the plans, Twilight groaned.
“See, I’m not sure you do. Your plan for what you call… ‘Equestria’s Coldest and Most Bitchin’ Fridge Ever’? It doesn’t look like it adheres to any of the safety protocols for food storage equipment.”
“Protocol, schmotocol. I’m Princess Celestia! I can do whatever I want, and that includes creating the most bitchin’ fridge in Equestria.”
Twilight didn’t protest any further, choosing to watch Celestia go to work on what was sure to be the most dangerous device ever created. Not only was the wattage required to power it nearly the same as that of Ponyville as a whole, but it was going to use possibly the most dangerous liquid coolant it could.
“Twilight, be a pal and hand me the container of liquid nitrogen, would you?” Celestia’s request shook Twilight from her thoughts, and she quickly did as she was told, picking up the container with her magic and floating it over to the princess.
“Don’t you think liquid nitrogen is a bit, um, hazardous?”
“Nonsense! Plenty of ponies use it to cool their new fangled computers nowadays, so what’s the harm in using it in a fridge?”
“... No they don’t.”
“Oh, they don’t?” Celestia asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion. “I was sure they did.”
“They use water, Princess. Not a liquid that could freeze you entirely. Water,” Twilight replied, fighting the urge to bang her head against the table.
“Oh, well I suppose that explains how Luna spilled some on herself and was fine. Whoops!”
The only response Twilight could muster was to finally give in and bang her head against the table as hard as she could. Celestia simply laughed at her antics and went back to working on the fridge. For the next few minutes, neither pony spoke aside from Celestia occasionally asking Twilight to hand her something. The silence was broken, though, when Celestia thought of something. Something… incredibly stupid.
“Wait, I just had the perfect idea for an additional power source!” she exclaimed to Twilight’s horror. The bookworm didn’t even bother asking Celestia just what it was she had planned, instead choosing to wait for her to explain it further. “If I add a nuclear fission reactor, it’s bound to run at maximum capacity!”
“WHAT!? ARE YOU INSANE!? YOU CAN’T JUST BRING A NUCLEAR REACTOR INTO CANTERLOT!”
“Princess,” Celestia quickly retorted.
“But you–”
“Princess.”
“Fine, whatever, blow up Canterlot!”
Feeling triumphant, Celestia quickly rose from the bench the two were sitting on and exited the basement. While she was gone, Twilight began taking a closer look at the plans for the fridge. Based on everything Celestia had written down, it was indeed going to be the coldest fridge in the world. Not only that, but the most dangerous fridge in the known universe.
For the next thirty minutes, Twilight simply imagined various scenarios where this could go horribly wrong. She did her best to think of one in which the fridge would work perfectly fine, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t. It was simply doomed to fail, she told herself. Finally, after what seemed like another hour, the door to the basement swung open.
“I got it, Twilight!” Celestia yelled out from behind the large object in front of her, choosing to simply throw the object in the direction of Twilight instead of carrying it down the stairs. Twilight, to her credit, was able to grab it in mid-air with her magic and set it down gently by the table.
“Yeah, just throw the nuclear reactor down some stairs. I’m sure that’s safe,”
Twilight observed sarcastically. “Where in the hell did you get this thing, anyways?”
“I had Discord make one for me,” she replied quickly, as if it was the easiest thing she had done all day. “Why do you care? If you think my fridge is unsafe, you can just leave.”
“Trust me, princess, I would. But I need to be here in case you do something really stu- No, you know what? This whole thing is stupid. Your fridge is stupid, your nuclear reactor is stupid, and you’re stupid!”
“You’ll see how wrong you are in just about five minutes, Twilight. This fridge is going to be the most successful invention of the century, just you wait!”
And wait she did, watching quietly as Celestia fumbled around with hooking up her fridge to a freakin’ nuclear reactor. Twilight was at least sure that the nuclear reactor wouldn’t melt down, though. Discord likely cast some sort of spell preventing it from doing that, because after all, he wasn’t the suicidal type.
“And… done!”
“It’s… done? Really?”
“Yeah, and you were so worried…” Celestia teased Twilight. Twilight, however, was too stunned to respond. Nothing had gone wrong. Somehow, Celestia had built a device that seemed to run perfectly fine. The low hum the fridge was giving off was almost music to her ears. “Want to give it a test run, Twilight?”
“Um, I guess?” she replied, unsure if she really wanted to. It was one thing that the fridge seemed safe when it was closed, but Celestia had put liquid nitrogen inside. What if she opened it and it was leaking? That would be bad.
“I can tell you’re worried, Twilight, your face says it all. I promise you, it works perfectly fine!”
“Well, alright…” Twilight let out a sigh and grabbed the handle of the fridge. As soon as she pulled the door open, she was thrown back by a torrent of snow the likes of which she had never seen. Within moments, the snow had broken out of the basement and covered all of Canterlot and then Equestria and then the world. Celestia could only manage one word.
“Whoops.”
Author's Note
I wrote this like 10 years ago lol
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Celestia's Crazy Contraptions
Mentos Aren't Reactive Enough
"Princess, are you sure about this? It looks like it could be pretty dangerous."
"Oh, Twilight," Celestia chuckled, "are you still worried because of that whole 'covering Equestria in a one meter thick layer of radioactive snow' thing? I told you, nothing bad came of it!"
"Fluttershy grew a third wing that we had to have amputated!" Twilight shot back. "And let's not forget about the effects that entire situation had on the village of Furnobyl."
"Oh, please," Celestia said with a wave of her hoof, "everyone knows that that town had it coming for experimenting with nuclear energy. A tragedy like what befell them was bound to happen eventually."
"Because of you!"
"Semantics. Anyways, I've come up with a much better idea this time around," Celestia assured her most faithful student.
"... Without radiation, right?"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyways, you know how Pinkie Pie absolutely loves pranks, right?"
"Um... yes, yes I do," Twilight said, gulping. "What are you planning, Princess?"
"Well, I thought it would be really funny to attend her party this afternoon and get her with the classic 'Mentos and Diet Pone' prank."
Twilight glared at her mentor. "I know for a fact that this is going to have some sort of really idiotic twist. Why don't you just go ahead and tell me what it is?"
"Oh, pfft, why would I do that!?" Celestia laughed. "That would ruin the surprise. Plus, I have no doubt that you would immediately warn Pinkie Pie about what I have in store for her. And nopony likes a narc, Twilight."
"Ugh, alright. Fine. Let's just go to her stupid party and get this over with."
"Not so fast!" Celestia shouted. "I have to make sure that everything is ready for the prank!"
Twilight watched with morbid curiosity, and unrelenting fear, as Celestia opened the most bitchin' fridge in all of Equestria, which had since been modified to be just a little less bitchin', and levitated a Diet Pone over to the metal table they stood before. "Okay, so I see you're using a regular soda. That's good, Princess! That means the likelihood that things will go wrong is just about--"
Twilight was cut off by one of the most maniacally evil laughs she'd ever heard erupting straight from Celestia. "... zero."
"No need to worry, Twilight, everything is going to be just fine..." Celestia assured her student, her horn bursting alight as she levitated over yet another object. This time, it was a solid metal box with no label. It had a padlock on the front, and Twilight gulped as Celestia floated a key over and unlatched it. The chains holding the box closed clanked onto the sleek surface of the table, and her mentor grabbed the rim of it with her front hooves. It was clearly heavy, but she managed to get it open after a few moments.
The lavender unicorn watched with greatly vested interest as Celestia levitated what looked to be a small white powder out of the box. Just as she was about to look inside, the box was slammed shut and the chains and lock magically placed back on it.
"Nuh uh uh, no spoiling the surprise," Celestia scolded her student as she gently eased the unknown white substance into the now-opened bottle of Diet Pone. Just as it started to fizz up, she screwed the cap on tightly, sealing all of that delicious carbonation inside. "Perfect, it's ready!"
"This is going to end so poorly, I already know it," Twilight groaned.
"And off we go to the party!" Celestia shouted triumphantly.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so super-duper excited you came, Twilight!" Pinkie shouted as her friend stepped foot into the party. "And you even brought Princess Celestia, holy cow that is so amazing I never thought the Princess would attend one of my parties!"
"It is my pleasure," Celestia spoke softly. Her voice was soothing, though Twilight knew it was simply a facade for what was to come in a few moments. "Twilight tells me you throw some of the best parties in all of Equestria."
"The absolute bestest!" Pinkie Pie nodded so rapidly it looked as if her head might fly away from her body. "And with you here, it's even better!"
"I'm glad to hear that, Pinkie Pie," Celestia smiled. "I actually wanted to make the occasion memorable, so I brought you a little gift to commemorate my first time attending one of your legendary parties."
Pinkie Pie gasped. "You got me a gift, Princess!?"
"But of course," Celestia smiled. Her horn lit up into a light golden hue as she levitated out the bottle of Diet Pone that she had tampered with just a bit ago. "I brought you this bottle of refreshing Diet Pone! Twilight made sure to let me know how much you love soda, so I figured you might enjoy this."
"OH MY GOSH!" Pinkie Pie cried out, grabbing the bottle so swiftly Celestia didn't have time to react. Twilight watched with bated breath as her friend tried to unscrew the cap, but to no avail. Relief overcame her. Maybe Pinkie would never be able to get it open, and everything would turn out okay.
"No worries, I have a bottle opener!" Pinkie shouted, sprinting to her kitchen and back in record time. Placing it against the cap, she smiled widely. "Off we go!"
"Wait, Pinkie, don't--!"
With a pop, the cap came right off, and Twilight winced, running behind a table to take cover. And...
"... Nothing?" Twilight asked. "Wait, so it's just a regular bottle of soda?"
"Well, duh," Pinkie Pie said. "I saw the one Celestia brought in and knew it was tampered with, do you think this is my first time being pranked?"
"Wait. So then what happened to the one I brought in?" Celestia asked.
All three ponies turned as they heard a pony they were all familiar with speak up. "Oh, wow, a free soda!"
"WAIT, DON'T OPEN THAT SCOO--"
This time, as the cap came unscrewed, there was no time to take cover. In an instant, the entirety of Sugarcube Corner was overtaken by a blinding flash of light. The walls and roof were blown away into shreds of splintered wood, flying in every direction through town. As the flash slowly diminished, everypony found themselves looking up at a steadily growing mushroom cloud. After a moment, they all looked back down at Scootaloo, now charred entirely black.
"Uh... hehe," the filly laughed, taking a small sip of what was left of the soda.
"The bottle survived the explosion!?" Twilight shouted out. "That doesn't even make sense!"
"Haha, you're a riot, Princess Celestia!" Pinkie Pie laughed.
"Oh yeah I used Tannerite, Twilight," Celestia said. "Be happy I didn't end up using Dynamite."
Author's Note
I updated this after 9 years
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2021/04/23/gender-reveal-explosion-new-hampshire-used-80-pounds-tannerite/7349334002/
