Rarity versus Cancer Pagurus

by SirNotAppearingInThisFic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Slice of Life, Sweetie Belle
Length: 3116

Yes, I wrote one of these.

An unoriginal story idea, wherein Rarity fights an embiggened crab, because I spent way too much time on EQD once upon a time.

Rarity experiences Murphy's Law firsthoof, and The Great and Powerful Trixie learns of a new pastime.

Published 2015-03-09 03:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-09 03:00:02 UTC

The Great and Powerful Trixie recommends popcorn.

Rarity picked herself up off the ground, and stared at her massive foe. A giant crab, about three meters tall, stood in front of her, claws swinging around as it snapped at whatever caught its interest. While Rarity looked around for ammunition to use against it – beating on it with her hooves would not help – she recalled what had happened just a few minutes before, trying to make sense of it.

She had been laying on a towel, with an umbrella propped up next to it for shade, on one of Manehattan's beaches. Nearby, Sweetie Belle played with her friend, Babs Seed. They had been building a sandcastle, while Rarity found herself staring at some of the handsome stallions that were carrying surf boards towards the waves. Rarity had been enjoying herself – she had nothing to worry about; Opalescence was even in the more-then-capable hooves of Fluttershy for the week.

As Rarity wondered if any the stallions she had been eyeing had personalities to go with their muscles, and if any of them were named 'eye candy', there was a flash of blue light, followed by several agitated voices. Rarity cast a glance around, and saw nothing wrong in particular, just a bunch of ponies laying on towels like herself, or building sandcastles, or heading to the water with the intention of swimming or surfing – the agitated voices had already stopped. A few moments later, something stirred the water near the beach, not far from where Rarity lay.

Seeing this, many of the swimming and surfing ponies made their way to shore fearfully, though Rarity figured it was probably just another “shark!” joke, which happened every couple of hours. Her suspicions were all but confirmed as the bubbling and churning stopped after only a couple of seconds. Unimpressed by what was probably some foal's poor attempt at a joke, Rarity scanned the beach for one of the handsome ponies she had seen earlier.

Before she could relocate one, something shook the ground. Ponies started screaming and running. Rarity stood up and looked around. Once again, nothing appeared amiss, that was, until something rose out of the water and climbed onto the beach. Something big.

“Whoa.” Sweetie Belle and Babs Seed said to each other, staring at the beach's new guest.

Rarity stared in shock for a moment; it was a giant crab. Crabs aren't supposed to be giant! Or walking... this.. way... Rarity's eyes grew wide. The crab was now moving towards the two crusaders and herself, being the nearest non-sand objects that had not fled the beach yet. Sweetie Belle!

“Sweetie Belle! Run!” She called to her sister, who finally took some of her advice, and fled alongside Babs Seed. To where, Rarity did not know.

The giant crab snapped a claw where they had just been, only to smash their sandcastle, shaking the ground and sending Rarity to the ground.

No, it did not make sense: She stood before a giant, rampaging crab – Celestia only knew why – with only her hooves and whatever clever spells she could come up with to defend herself with. At least Sweetie Belle and her friend had gotten to safety, or at least somewhere that was safe for as long as Rarity held off the crab – which now seemed to be staring right at her. Seconds passed. Rarity would have followed her sister and ran, but the crab had already proven to be disturbingly fast. Then the crab started moving closer – in a sideways manner.

Rarity noticed the umbrella that had fallen over, and grasped it with her magic, it would work as a javelin, or so she hoped. Folding it up, she took aim, and launched it at the crab with as much power as she could. A second later, she was disappointed as the umbrella's shaft shattered uselessly on the crab's shell-armor.

Rarity cast another glance around for stray objects, but did not see anything useful before she realized the crab now seemed very angry at her, and was charging, swinging its massive claws. Regretting very much so that she was unable to master Twilight's teleportation spell, Rarity dove to the side and landed, the successful dodge earning her half a face-full of sand.

Sand... I shall just have to use sand.

Rarity picked herself up and retreated several feet – slowly as to not provoke the crab – and focused her magic on a pile of sand that might have been her sister's sandcastle moments earlier. She lifted as much sand as she could manage with her levitation, and compressed it with as much power as she had. Straining herself, she managed to make a significantly smaller, roughly-spherical rock, with a diameter of roughly half a meter.

The crab was now advancing again, and took another snap at Rarity. She dodged by taking a step back, and swung her small sandstone boulder from its position of origin towards to giant crab. Once it had reached the crab, the boulder had a large amount of momentum, and struck the crab with a massive crack.

“Hah! Take that you overgrown mass of despicable filth!” Rarity found herself starting to enjoy the battle.

The crab was launched a few meters away, though not noticeably harmed. Rarity's boulder was shattered. Somewhere, a group of ponies cheered at Rarity's strike.

Rarity lost no time in feeling disappointed, and again scooped up some sand with her magic, this time heating it up – which took far more effort then Rarity had expected – and condensing the glass into a spike. She waited for the crab to pick itself up and turn around before launching it towards the crab's underside. The glass spike lodged itself into the crab, producing disgusting cracking and squelching sounds as it did so. The crab charged Rarity again, anger burning in its eyes, if it were possible – Rarity wasn't sure. As it neared Rarity, she rolled to the side and used her magic to launch a cloud of sand into her assailant's eyes. All the books she had read suggested it would help, though Rarity could not tell if she actually affected the crab; it still took a swing at her, forcing her to drop the the ground while the claw swung above, missing by hairs.

I need something harder. There was only more sand, and some broken toys on the beach, and she did not want to exhaust herself producing glass shards and boulders, hoping she finally hit something vital. Rarity picked herself up and retreated as the crab swung again. A glance inland showed a group of about twenty ponies, standing several hundred feet back, that had been watching and cheering – and probably taking bets – as each blow was struck. Apparently none of them were brave enough, or paid enough, to actually help her out. Didn't Manehattan have guards as well?

Her thoughts were driven from her mind as a claw swung dangerously close to her head, she jumped back, but not quick enough to dodge the next claw. Rarity received a nick to one of her legs, which sent her sprawling, but not really hurt. A couple of the observing ponies could be heard 'ooo'-ing.

Rarity spent a brief moment reflecting on how carefree she had felt earlier that day. Yet now she was fighting a giant crab that might end up killing her, and maybe other ponies as well – though some might deserve it, since they hadn't bothered to help – if she lost. She couldn't let that happen though, if only for Sweetie Belle, who, Rarity realized, did not appear to be one of the ponies watching the fight.

Another swing from the crab came, and Rarity rolled over and once again got up from the ground. She needed to think of something that could reliably pierce the crab's armor, or some other way to affect it. Unfortunately – dodging yet another swing from the angry, giant crab – she did not have much time to think of anything.

This problem gave Rarity an idea. She ran around the crab for a second or two of time, and cast another spell. A gust of wind started whirling around the crab, causing sand the fly into the air and around the crab. If nothing else, it should buy her some several seconds to think.

She could hear the crab trying to shake and brush away the small sandstorm she was maintaining, but it didn't dissipate, which was good – as long as the crab was occupied, she had time to think. She cast her gemstone-locating spell, but the few gems she could feel were not close enough to be of use.

Rarity was starting to feel a little doomed. There was nothing nearby she could use, not even trees or rocks, and her own hooves wouldn't have any effect on the crab – which had just given up on dissipating the sand cloud that plagued it. The lack of assistance did nothing to help her mood. Just as she debated turning tail and running – towards the crowd, of course – somepony called her name.

“Rarity! Over here!” Sweetie Belle called, something dark was resting on her back. She was now running towards Rarity, and so was the giant crab.

“Sweetie Bell, stay back!” Rarity shouted, though her sister ignored her this time. Where did she go? And must she insist on running into the fight?! This wasn't what Rarity had in mind when she was hoping for somepony to help. If Sweetie Belle had something to give her, it could easily have been done by calling for her attention, and letting her pick up – whatever it was – with her magic if need be, when she wasn't in the middle of being charged at or trying to dodge a claw.

The giant crab was nearing, and Sweetie Belle was going to be in its path if the two continued at their current velocities. Cursing how she had no time for thinking things through, Rarity cast a surge of magic at the crab, attempting to shove it away. The effort left her feeling winded and dizzy. She was partially successful – though the crab did not move far, she almost flipped it, but not quite. It was standing, and appeared dazed; regardless, it was no longer charging, and several feet further away, so Sweetie Belle would not get hurt. Yet, Rarity thought to herself.

Rarity turned briefly to see Sweetie Belle next to her, panting heavily, much like herself. She carried a large, steel sword on her back. Rarity allowed herself a small smile, and lifted the sword with magic. It was heavy, but it would make the battle easier to win.

“Thank you dear. Now kindly stay back.” Rarity was pleased with the weapon, but worried and unhappy with Sweetie Belle's insistence on 'braving' dangerous situations – a battle with a giant crab definitely counted as dangerous.

Sweetie Belle nodded, and let out a squeak as the crab started another charge, and ran away. Maybe she was not so big on the 'braving', though Rarity had little doubt her sister ran into the fight so she could tell her friends later.

Rarity turned to face the giant crab bearing down upon her, and readied herself. She took several steps to her left, and the crab matched course. Seeing this, Rarity feigned another move to her left. As the crab adjusted course again, Rarity jumped back to her right and charged, sword held up with her magic.

The crab took a swing, but missed by several feet, her feigns paid off. Rarity took her turn. She dodged between the crab's legs and swung her sword, aiming specifically for what looked like a gap in between two of the crab's protective plates. The sword landed a powerful-sounding blow, though it did not penetrate the crab's armor. Rarity took a few more steps to get behind the crab, and pulled her sword up to strike again. The crab turned with surprising speed, though Rarity was waiting for just that to happen. Once in view, Rarity launched the sword straight at on of the crab's eyes. The small crowd of observing ponies cheered again, though to everyone's dismay, the crab deflected the blow with a claw. Rarity was starting to feel like she was only there to put on a show for the amusement of the others.

Surely it couldn't have been a stupid crab... Why~ must it be smart enough to learn like this?! Rarity hoped she could end the fight soon, the crab was getting on her nerves, and so were the observing ponies that still did not deign to help.

Rarity dodged another swing – despite learning to expect Rarity's moves and attacks, the crab wasn't getting any more creative with its own advances. Luckily for the crab, the shell it wore was strong enough armor to make sure creativity was not required.

The crab pinched at her, but she backed away, easily dodging the dangerous appendage. She launched the sword at the crab's underside, where she had previously lodged a glass spike. The crab's claw came down and hit the sword, forcing it into the ground.

Another pinch from the crab came, but this time Rarity jumped onto the claw, and then up onto the crab itself, grasping the sword with her magic again. The crab attempted to shake her off, though with the assistance of more magic, Rarity remained firmly planted on the crab. Fortune was with her finally, as she saw an unnatural crack in the crab's shell – likely where her boulder had struck earlier. It was not large, but it was big enough to wedge a sword into.

Grinning to herself – perhaps maniacally, since the battle was personal at this point – Rarity raised the sword with magic, and thrust it down with all the power available to her – augmented by her despise for having her vacation interrupted in such a manner, and frustration that she had a lot of sand in her mane now. The blow seemed to be fatal to the crab, as it stopped trying to shake her off. Rarity slid down and stepped away as quickly as she could, before the crab's legs gave out, and it landed on the ground with a loud, though soft, thump. Rarity stared at her foe. When it did not move again, she pulled the sword out.

The watching ponies took this as a sign of victory, and cheered. Rarity took a moment to regret not wearing one of her fashionable pieces of clothing. As the small crowd started advancing, Rarity thought of all the things she could say and do to get out of it as quickly as possible – the crab had done enough to ruin her vacation already.

On the other hoof, it might promote my business... Rarity thought about Sweetie Belle; no doubt she would want to tell her friend all about it as soon as possible, and wouldn't enjoy being left out while her sister was busy talking about her business.

Not everypony in the crowd was interested in thanking Rarity or asking her questions; several ponies went back to enjoying the beach, and a few others walked over to the crab and stared at or poked it in amazement. Even so, several ponies came over and questioned Rarity, or offered their thanks for 'keeping the beach safe' or similarly cheesy, journalist-esque lines. After a few minutes, Rarity decided she had had enough, and started trying to make excuses so she could leave. A few ponies, especially ones from the local newspaper, still asked questions. Rarity had already dropped “Carousel Boutique” for them to use, so they were getting on her nerves.

Rarity was trying to maintain her ladylike composure, though the urge to smack one of the persisting ponies was rising. Rarity decided that if they didn't get the hint when she told them directly, she would be perfectly within her rights to do so.

Just as she was about to tell them – kindly – to get out of her face, Sweetie Belle's voice drew the attention of the offending ponies. “Look! It's Sapphire Shores!”

The press ponies all turned and looked where Sweetie Belle was pointing, way down the beach. Ignoring how blatantly obvious it was that Sapphire Shores was not actually anywhere nearby, they all took off. Rarity guessed it had been a slow week for news.

“Thank you dear.” Rarity hugged her little sister happily. She decided to set any chastising aside in light of all sweetie Belle had done that actually helped. Rarity then wondered just how many of the ponies that simply watched her fight the crab were off-duty guards, which prompted a question. “Where did you get the sword?”

“One of Babs' dead relatives was a guard or something... I think. Babs lives pretty close, so we ran back and got it once we realized you were staying to fight the crab.”

Rarity hoped it hadn't been in a locked chest. “Where is Babs Seed now?”

“Her mom didn't want her to come back. She said something about giant crabs being to dangerous for 'little fillies'.” Sweetie Belle made no attempt to hide her disgust at the last two words.

Rarity nodded to herself, that she could understand. “Let us return the sword, and we can find something to eat afterwards.”

Sweetie Belle jumped several times. “Can we get ice cream? Please~?” She stopped in front of Rarity to give her a puppy face.

Rarity returned a glare, sighed, and then smiled. “I'd love some.” Rarity was glad that the fight was over, and hoped to never see a giant crab again.

Trixie tossed the last piece of popcorn into her mouth, then dropped the empty bag into a nearby trash bin.

She had been watching Rarity's fight with the giant crab – a crab that she might have been partially responsible for, but who was counting? A brat of a colt had insulted the size of her magnificent sandcastle, so she used magic to enlarge it, though the colt shoved her, and the spell missed.

Her sandcastle may have been destroyed, but it was worth the entertaining show. Perhaps the Great and Powerful Trixie should do this more often.

Leaving the shade of the tree she was under at the edge of the beach, she walked over to investigate the giant crab before she headed over to Manehattan. She was curious to know what exactly her spell had done.