My life is a long one, marked with regrets like the teardrops upon this page. If I must leave something behind (if time will even allow my departure) then I would leave but a fraction of my story, for I feel it is the most important part and also the most misunderstood. It hurts to think on such events, one thousand years ago, but there are things which must be said and truths which must be told. Having spent one thousand years in loneliness, surrounded by my mistakes only to watch them played out again and again, I am overwhelmed with the desire to set the record straight…and caution others from the same fate. There are things I cannot bring into the light, even now, but I will say what I must before the years allow me to become complacent. And forgiving…
I must speak of the Elements of Harmony, and the curse they have brought upon me.
It was wrong, I know now, to remove them from the Tree. Had we known better we would have found another way, but we were rash—my sister and I. Oh Luna, if only we had been more careful. To think what I have done…
It was more compulsion than choice which brought us to Equestria. We were drawn here by an oily, unnatural, unknowable kind of magic. Something that stretched out across the land, breaking down boarders and oozing into our awareness. In dreams it plagued us and in the waking world it taunted from afar. A force so utterly opposed to our fundamental nature and understanding of magic that it demanded we take action against it.
Discord.
A being I do not fully understand, even now. He could have been the product of millennia passing, or he could have burst into existence mere days before. It made little difference. He was ageless, timeless, lawless and careless. Chaos, incarnate. And he had taken root in Equestria. The local ponies were suffering as Discord twisted their world and their fragile little minds. His nature clashed with ours so intensely. We had to act. But we were no match for him, young as we were. Why had we come? How could we comprehend what need we felt to remove him? To strike against chaos and the unknowable.
So we did what we felt needed to be done.
We came to the Tree of Harmony, beckoned by its gentle magic, so akin to our own. We took the Elements rashly, without wisely hesitating to comprehend the burden placed upon us. The responsibility. The very nature of the Elements. Instead we used them as a weapon. We faced Discord and razed punishment down upon him—enraged by his taunts we struck with force and without mercy.
And won.
Something changed inside Luna then. I must have felt it. Must have sensed it. Something new. This pride, ambition, this feeling of righteousness. I felt it myself. This is how I know. Soon we were bold, taking Equestria as our new kingdom and home. How could we not? The defenceless ponies needed us to sooth and protect them from the chaos all around. And we were worshiped. We were unstoppable. We held in our power the very elements that formed the foundation of our way of life.
The Crystal Empire was the obvious target. A tyrant king, steeled to hold back the forces of Discord with an iron hoof. There was no room for chaos in his ridged regime. But now with Discord locked away the tyrant was free to expand and to control and to enslave. All would suffer and serve as the crystal ponies did. And tough it was Luna who insisted he must be stopped; I felt the same. I felt…powerful.
From our new kingdom we forged an army—mares and stallions who would fight and die for us if necessary—and we marched to the Crystal Empire with the Elements on our side and fire in our souls.
The battle was…difficult. I think I chose not to look, not to know, to comprehend. I see now it was a mistake. The first army of Equestria deserved better from its leaders. Still, there was the tyrant King Sombra to remove. A simple unicorn, perhaps he once was; but now a hateful creature consumed by the bleakest of magic. He was there and not quite there, always shifting between life and shadow, his mind more lost than his body.
Madness recognises itself, and that thirst for power that drives it. He could see us. See through us. Taunts worse than Discord had ever managed, he cut at our secrets and our fears. And Luna flew into a fury. Again we struck with the Elements of Harmony—struck in rage and pride—and Sombra was cast down. But the victory was bitter. We were careless and rash. A final curse escaped our onslaught and the Crystal Empire vanished through shadow and time, lost with its king.
If he could not have it then nopony could…
The rage was unbearable. Sweet victory snatched away at the last moment, and the knowledge that we had destroyed everything we set out to achieve. History may call it a victory or an unfortunate tragedy but I know it was a mistake. A terrible, careless mistake. And one that may have cost Luna her sanity, for it was in the days that followed that she grew more and more restless…and hungry for power.
In the absence of her true enemy, Sombra, she turned her ambition against me. The older sister, the leader, the one responsible, it seems. Paranoia took hold. The ponies of Equestria…did they not love her? Did they not see the beauty of her night? The true potential of her abilities? Did they not know it was she who had defeated Sombra? And yet she had not finished the job…
I could have saved her. Could have seen. There was time. Instead I revelled in my accomplishments, each day raising the sun higher and higher, brighter and brighter. I was the dawn. The light of the world! The shining Princess of Harmony! I could do anything, and who needs Luna? She was weak…miserable…useless…mad…
Then came that terrible day…
The moon eclipsed the sun, casting darkness across the land. Where were the stars? This was not night—this was shadow. Luna’s shadow, thrown across Equestria in seething hatred. She became one with the darkness, shifting as Sombra had learned. The shadow became her and she was no longer my sister. She was a Nightmare.
...and I felt righteous as I rose against her.
The ponies demanded it—oh, wicked was she! Who terrorised them in their dreams now and held back the sun. As was second nature by now, I took the Elements of Harmony from their altar and rose as a fire in the dark. We shredded our castle and courtyards in the battle. Power and anger clashed as never before. At last I had her—the power of the Elements was on my side! I focused their magic and cast it towards her with everything I had!
Tears streamed down my face…
What was I doing? My sister…I saw her smiling back at me from behind the shadow of the Nightmare. I felt the Elements as tiny souls around me. They were not a weapon to be thrust against every problem and fault. They were alive! They were Harmony, in its purest form. A soft laugh…a kind smile… I felt all this and more. And there was Luna.
Luna. My sister.
My friend.
Harmony. Friendship.
I had abused the fundamental laws of the Elements and I felt something inside me fracture. But it was too late! The rainbow of power shot forth into the shadow. I cried and the Elements cried with me, their tiny souls distraught at what I had made them do. I saw the Nightmare shadow vaporised and I saw Luna there inside and with the last of my magic—my own magic—I cried out NO! Spare her! It was me! Spare her, please!
…the relief I felt was matched only by the horror when I learned that she would be trapped there for one thousand years. Alone in the moon, so cold and far away. She was alive, I had managed that, but what of the darkness? ...It seemed the darkness could not be parted from her. At least not by one so unworthy as I.
One thousand years…fighting with her own darkness…alone…
I did that.
I fell to the earth, and the Elements fell around me—stone. I had misused the gift of the Tree of Harmony. Harmony, friendship, meant for ponies to share. Meant to be used together, united, with compassion and love. Instead I had struck alone, afraid, and with hate. Struck against the one I loved. My family. My friend. I had turned Harmony into senseless aggression, and the Elements had closed themselves off to me.
We were a weakened kingdom now. The Elements were lost, as was my dear sister. And what of myself? I was…broken. This I knew. I lay in the ruins of our castle and wept. My magic was but a candle flame of what it had once been. The sun rose. The ponies came to celebrate my victory. They sang songs, crafted tapestries, and built a new castle on the mountain side.
A lonely castle…
Just for me.
One thousand years and as each one passed the castle filled with reminders of what I had done. I saw my sister immortalised as evil in the stained glass windows, and forced the smile my subjects needed of me. One thousand years I waited in this agony. For how could they know who the Nightmare once was to me? Could they believe their princesses were capable of such mistakes? One thousand years, pretending I was strong. Pretending I was worthy. Pretending I was happy. History forged stories without me, and I could not bring myself to speak the truth.
My sister became a monster…and I became an idol.
During my sadness I went back to the Tree of Harmony. I laid the stones at its roots and I begged and pleaded with it, return my sister, please. But it could not. I tried to give back what I had taken but the tree could not carry stones. The very magic of Equestria had suffered, and I was to blame.
Years of regret…
Then a choice. I could fade away, fearful of the day another power rose against us and exposed me for the weak pretender that I was…or I could make amends and maybe, just maybe, I could restore balance to Equestria.
I began taking students, inspired by what I had witnessed—the tiny souls of the Elements when I had made contact with them. What were the Elements? Friendship, that was fundamental. I would take a student and form a friendship. Balance would be restored. Harmony would return. I saw hope at last and rushed headlong to embrace it.
But then…
Greed…ambition…arrogance… Terrible things overcame my students. One after the other I watched them betray me, deceive me, and go foolishly after magic they were not ready for. I felt such failure, most of all for the loss of my student Sunset Shimmer. She had helped me achieve so much in my quest to understand the Elements. We studied them intensely, unlocking the complexities of Harmony.
Honesty. Loyalty. Kindness. Laughter. Generosity.
Alas, she did not learn these qualities herself. Instead she focused on the sheer strength of the elements, saying she would find a way to restore them. She wanted to use the mirror in my castle though I told her it was a dangerous unknown. She demanded I give her the Elements but I could not do this thing. I saw the power lust in her eyes and when I said no she escaped me to places unknowable.
I had failed as a teacher, a leader, and a sister.
I was cursed.
One thousand years now almost at a close and I did not know who would be returning from the moon. Would it be Luna, my dear sweet sister? So long had I been apart from her, I ached to hear her laugh, see her smile… Or would it be that Nightmare instead? A creature too powerful for me to defeat. Not without the Elements. Not with my own wounded magic…my wounded spirit.
I was sure, even if it was the Nightmare…I could not bring myself to fight my sister again.
Equestria was racing towards destruction…and everything I touched turned to ruin.
Then I witnessed a reawakening. Out in the streets of Canterlot I felt something shift in the balance of life and saw a bright rainbow expanding across the sky. It gave me hope I had not felt in so long. The next instant there was a magical surge at the school for gifted unicorns. I raced there to help but I knew, somehow, it would be alright.
I found her there. Twilight. So small and yet so powerful, glowing with a magic she could not control. A little purple unicorn, so afraid. She was seeing for the first time her true potential. It scared her. Terrified her. Her own strength. I came forward and laid a hoof on her shoulder and touched upon the magic I had been so sorely lacking. The magic I needed to restore Harmony to Equestria.
The magic of Friendship.
It was Twilight who would restore the elements. I understood now that their power needed to be held in purity—a pony for each element and each pony the perfect embodiment of its magic. They would be friends, reinforcing each other, balancing each other, empowering each other. The Elements were never meant for one pony alone. And certainly not for one so powerful…and rash…as I.
I am not sure when exactly I realised it but there came a time when I knew I would not be able to wield the Elements anew. It was a selfish desire I had to abandon if I was every truly to make things right. I had known power, and I craved it too intensely. I could net let myself be a part of things to come. Yet here was Twilight. Innocent, childish, young. Responsible. She would understand. So many lessons to be learned; she knew she was unworthy of such power and that…that was what made her worthy. But I had waited too long, searching for the perfect candidates for the Elements, waiting until Twilight was the embodiment of her magical study. Hoping the Elements would forgive me, maybe. But joyous time slipped away too quickly, after all my years of misery. The day was suddenly upon us now. Either Luna, or Nightmare Moon, would be returning to Equestria.
Such fear. Was Twilight ready to face her? Could she find the friends she needed in time? As the Summer Sun Celebration approached I could not face my responsibilities. I gave Twilight her mission and sent her on her way. Then I hid myself from the world to ride out the storm in silence and in shame.
…and such fear.
And perhaps…with a flicker of hope.
Bring her back to me, Twilight. My dear sister. Bring her back to me now.
I cannot face the world alone again…
Author's Note
Blargh! So weepy.
Mostly just shifting some head-cannon I've had rattling around up in da head these past seasons.
Special thanks to Luvlessi on Deviantart for the cover image, thanks man!
http://luvlessi.deviantart.com/
