The next morning I met up with twilight as she was in the library shelving the books. I sat down to watch before I had to go see pinkie for the day. She was busy putting up a book when she asked me a very interesting question.
“Do you have sexual organs Guardian?” She asked. I was so surprised by how calmly she asked that I didn’t answer at first. After a minute sitting in front of her with a surprised look on my face I tried to say something.

“I do, why?” I said. She looked at me and smiled.

“What does it look like? How big can it get?” She said with a slight husky tone. By this point my face was a deep shade of red but decided to answer her for my safety.

“Do you have a book on pony body?” I asked her. She went over to a part of her bookshelf and took a book out and handed to me. I opened the book and went through the pages to find what I was looking for. I found it and was about to show her when I noticed that the page was bookmarked. I showed twilight the page. It was a diagram of a stallion’s… cock? Penis? Whatever she got the point.

“Oh.” Was the only thing she said.

“Why is it bookmarked?” I asked while smirking. She just sat there blushing more than I was a minute ago. I got up and told her I was going to pinkie’s place but she was too busy studying the diagram to hear me.

I walked into the SugerCube corner and almost immediately I was attacked by a pink blur. Pinkie gave me one of her rib crushing hugs and then let me make sure she didn’t actually crush my ribs.

“So, pinkie what are we going to do today?” I asked her happily.

She smiled and said, “We’re going to make super delicious cupcakes!” So we when into the kitchen and started getting everything we needed to make the sweets. I mix the ingredients and told me what to add.

“Flour. Ok now milk. Butter. Mix roughly until its rock hard. Good now throw it into the oven and RIDE MY CANDY EXPRESS TRAIN UNTIL ITS COVERED IN ICING YOU BIG HUNK OF DARK CHOCOLATE.” She said crouching in prancing position. I looked at her angrily.

“My skin color is a perfect shade of tan. I am not dark chocolate.” My sudden outburst distracted her until the cupcakes were done. She stopped laughing enough to try one and nod in approval.

“Well that didn’t take as long as I thought.” She said sadly. Before I could say anything she jumped and said.
“You want to see what I do when I have nothing to do?”

“Sure.” I said quickly. She smiled, grabbed my hand, opened up a portal, and throw me in it.

It looked just like the Multi universe inside my head. Just without the planes of the universes. I looked at pinkie and asked.
“What is this place?” She just started moving around open up portals ever few feet as she moved.

“It’s a place where I can say hi to all the people inside things like games, books, and movies, ect.” She said like it was obvious. I decided not to question how it was possible and just go with it.

“Where first?” I asked her. Her face lit up and she opened up a portal in front of me. I looked at her and then walked into it.

Darth Vader had Luke cornered and was slowly moving toward him with his lightsaber raised.
“Luke I am-“He was cut off when a portal opened up in front him and a human walked out. The human looked at him and then at Luke and started talking.

“Oh my god! Pinkie it’s star wars! You just had me popped into the part when Darth Vader tells Luke he’s his father.” Then the human looked at Luke. “Sorry about your hand.” Luck gave him a funny look. Darth Vader swung his lightsaber at the human. He ducked and the Lightsaber cut off Luke’s hand instead. Before he could swing again pink hooves came out of the portal and dragged the human back inside and the portal closed. Darth Vader turned to look at Luke and saw only empty air.

NOOOOOOO!

“That was awesome pinkie! Can I pick the next place?” I asked while jumping up and down. Or was it down and up? She said yes and I thought of where to go next. I thought of a place and had her show me how to open portals; It was a lot like making cupcakes. I opened up a portal and went through it. I saw a red head with freckles and a girl with bushy hair arguing and I go up to them.

“Ron; Hermione for all that’s sacred I’ve been waiting since book four. JUST START KISSING EACH OTHER ALREADY!” I shouted at them.

At that moment pinkie showed up next to me and whispered, “Guardian this isn’t the right book. We jumped into book six instead of seven.” I looked at the two characters and smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry about that?” we both went through the portal and closed it. I moved a little to my right and opened a new one and walked in.

Harry Potter was staring at Ron and Hermione after realizing that they just did. I popped in between all three of them and looked at Ron and Hermione.

“Hurry up and make out already.” I shouted for the second time.

Next thing I know they’re all pointing wands in my face. I smile and back up to the portal. “Never mind.” Without a further word I went back to pinkie and closed the portal.

“Where to next?” She asked. I smiled and moved to another location.

Me and pinkie pop back into pinkie void, that’s what pinkie calls the place she opens the portals, my clothes were smoking slightly and as soon as she closed the portal I started ranting.
“That’s it! That’s how the divergent series ends! You have to be kidding me that was terrible and so predictable. What’s next?”
A few minutes later we are running across medieval buildings. I was wearing a Templar outfit and pinkie had a pony version of an assassin outfit.

“Do you think that was a good idea?” She asked me as we ran across the roof top.

I looked at the Famous apple that I had in my hand as I ran and said,“Now that I’m thinking about it I don’t think taking this from its previous owner was a very good idea.” I looked at the apple again then throw it behind me. We reached the portal and closed it after going through it. “So that’s how the assassin games were made.” I said laughing. I looked at Pinkie. “Your turn.”

A thug was stealing money from a guy he held at knife point. A shadow came up behind him and then shot out confetti. The thug jumped around and looked down at a pony in a weird outfit.

“Who-who are you?” He asked.
The pony looked at him and said, “I am the batpony.” Then a human in tights fell from the roof. He got up and started trying to fix the spandex around his grouch.

“Who are you?” Asked the thug while looking at the human.

“I’m robin.” He said before turning to the pony next to him. “Can we leave this outfit is suffocating my family makers?”

“Okey dokey!” the pony shouted happily before they walked into to a portal and closed it. The thug just stood in the alleyway completely confused.

I ran through the portal with pinkie on my tail screaming. “Close it quick!” I turned around and did. She turned to me and started laughing.

“Why did you do that?” she asked between gasps.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for ages. He had that coming for as long. Anyone would have died to do what I did.” I told her.

“He was a vampire. Are you crazy?” She asked. I just started laughing.

“I am the only guy who can say he kicked Edward Cullen in the nuts. I think it was worth him trying to kill us. Now come on let’s fix the ending of the fourth book and actually have it end the way I wanted it to and cut out about seventy pages that didn’t need to be there.”

We entered in the realm of Skyrim and grabbed the nearest city guard. Pinkie held him down and I took his bow and arrow. I loaded an arrow and shot it in the guard’s knee. Then pinkie started shouting at him.

“Say it! Say the thing! Say I took an arrow to the knee know.” The guard started freaking out.

“Ok, I took an arrow to the knee. Please let me go demon!” Pinkie let him go and I handed him his bow and we left.

We ran into pinkie void and closed the portal. Pinkie looked at me.
“What did you do this time?” she asked. I blushed.

“I just kissed Raven from the original Teen Titans show. I’ve been wanting to do that for years.”

“Is that why the green one turned into a dinosaur and tried to eat us?” She asked.

“Maybe or because I grabbed Raven’s ass a little before we left.” I said savoring the moment of the memory. Pinkie started laughing. I started to count off something on a list that I pulled out of thin air. Something I learned to do from pinkie.

“Let’s see: made Ron and Hermione kiss, stole the Golden apple, Kicked Edward Cullen in the nuts and then change the fourth book’s ending, shot a guy in the knee with an arrow and had him say a very over used phrase, visited Minecraft, Saved all my favorite characters that died in the Gears of War games, walked in a middle of a pokemon battle and shouted Gotta Catch them all, said hi to Saphira the dragon from my favorite book series, Saved three orphans from a guy with a tattoo of an eye on his ankle, Let pinkie have cake with deadpool, walked in the middle of Cell and Gohan about to perform the world saving/destroy ka-me-ha-me-ha, and finally made out with Raven from Teen Titans.” I finished checking off my list and pinkie told me it was time to go home. I didn’t argue and let her open a portal and walked through it.

It was still bright outside and I turn to pinkie disappointed.
“How come we had to leave? It’s still morning we have all day.” I said slightly hurt. She just started shaking her head.

“It’s tomorrow. You have to go see rainbow dash.” She said. I just looked at her surprised. I decided not to question it and headed to find rainbow dash. I barely took a step forward when pinkie knocked me off my feet and attached something to my shoes. Then she picked me back up and said. “She’s at her house. I put Sky-forged iron on your shoes so you can walk on clouds and not fall to your death.”

“How am I supposed to get into the air?” I asked her. She pointing over to her pedal powered helicopter that wasn’t there before. Then she started skipping down the street.

“Now I got to find Braeburn and get him to ride me like a trail of marshmallows.” She said bubbly as she skipped. I just shook my head and jumped onto the helicopter and started pedaling up and heading to Rainbow’s house.

Sweat was pouring down my body in buckets as I forced myself to keep pedaling. I was just a foot below rainbow’s cloud house and I couldn’t get the helicopter to go any higher. My legs were screaming in protest and I knew I couldn’t keep pedaling. I dropped another foot lower and decided it was time to try the new trick pinkie taught me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on where I wanted to go. I could feel the molecules in my body shifting apart and for a split second I was nothing but scattered atoms. Then my molecules came back together and instead of being on the helicopter I was on Rainbow’s cloud house. I looked long enough to see pinkie’s helicopter still hovering in the air. Then it turned around and headed for Ponyville. I rubbed my temples with two of my fingers trying to stop the headache. Sometimes spending too much time with pinkie hurt the logical part of my brain. I decided to take a minute to look at Rainbow’s house and let my headache fade. It was made from clouds; that’s obvious. It was at least three stories high and a large section was dedicated to just a waterfall of rainbows. This was a mansion in the sky. I walked up to the front door and knocked a couple of times. No one opened the door so I decided to try a window. I walked off the front porch and to a window that was next to the door. It was small but I could fit through it if I squeezed. I tried to open it but was met with resistance. No matter how hard I pulled it refused to open. I was about to give up when I remembered that I could make things move. Within seconds I teleported myself into the house. I was in the dining room area and the kitchen was to the right. Rainbow popped out of the kitchen and said hi. She was wearing leg stockings and her mane was slightly damp. I put my money down that she took a very cold shower.

“So, what are we going to do today rainbow?” I asked her. She just shrugged and moved back into the kitchen. As she turned to go I noticed she was wearing panties. They were a shade of blue a little darker than her coat and it took me a minute to realize I was staring.

“I don’t know hang out or something. Maybe I can show you some of my awesome stunts.” She shouted for the kitchen. I thought that would be cool to do but I need to fix a problem first.

“Where’s your bathroom? I didn’t get to go since yesterday because I spent it with pinkie in the pinkie void.” I said while doing the pee-pee dance. She just looked at me like I was nuts and then pointed down a hallway. I started walking down it and saw that it was like a memorial dedicated to the wonderbolts. She had tickets, outfits, signed pictures of ponies, and even a pair of stadium seats. I’ve never ran into somepony so obsessed. Well except maybe that pony I ran into that like jelly too much. I found the bathroom and stood outside it. The truth was I didn’t need to use it but just wanted to check out the house. Some old habits are hard to kill. I looked a little down the halfway and saw a flight of stairs. I couldn’t help myself and took the stairs.
It led to a bedroom with a nice view. I made sure rainbow was still downstairs and walked into her room. The room was small. There was a queen sized bed in and corner right next to a closet that was slightly opened. Across the room was a bathroom and when I looked inside I saw a couple of magazines on the top of the toilet. They were all Playpony stallions and mares addition. I left the bathroom folding one of the magazines and putting it in my pants. I made a mental note to find a backpack and started to leave. I just passed the closet when a scent came across my nose. I stopped dead and look at the closet. I never even noticed that I’ve been smelling that scent for almost a week now. Every time I was hanging with one of the girls I would smell that same scent and it got stronger every day. Now I could smell it in rainbows house and then next thing I know I’m going inside the closet to find where it was coming from. The answer was a pair of panties right behind a pile of clothes. Before I could stop myself I reached inside trying to grab them. The whole time I’m trying to get Antonio to calm down. He started going crazy when I caught the scent. Now he’s trying to get my body passed a pile of clothes to get to the panties. The only problem was that he never worked a body before and I ended up stuck inside the closet under a mountain of clothes. I got back control while he started cursing about rainbow having so many clothes she doesn’t even wear. It took me a minute to get out and when I did I started talking to myself.

“Well that was so not a good idea. If Rainbow dash walked in on us that would be the most awkward moment of my life. She’s behind us right now isn’t she?” I said and turned around to find that my hunch was correct. I got out of the closet with her panties in my hand.

“It’s not what it looks like.” I told her right before the magazine I grabbed from the bathroom fell out of my pants. She looked at her panties then at the magazine and finally at me and all I could do was smile like an idiot.

Thirty minutes later we’re walking through ponyville. Well Rainbow dash was walking with me right behind her. She was holding a leash in her mouth that was attached to a collar that was around my neck. To make matters worse the collar was spiked and said Property of Rainbow Dash. This was part of my punishment for raiding her room without permission. She let me so a giant seesaw, one end was marked with an X and the other was just a plain piece of square in the ground. I realized it was the same thing from one of the episodes in the show. She looked at me and unlatched the leash for the collar.

“You’re going to help me catch some major air so I can do loads of cool tricks.” She said smirking. I just nodded a climbed the platform where I needed to jump from. I waited until she was in position and took a look down. I backed up a little and ran to the edge.

“Geronimo!” I shouted as I jumped off the platform.

Twilight was writing several notes and enjoying some calming tea. Suddenly there was the sound of an explosion followed by the sound of a ton of glass shattering around the castle. She shrieked and her tea cup exploded. She started running to the nearest window and looked outside to see what was going on. She could see a sonic rainboom halo followed by at least a dozen others all heading straight up into the sky. She ran to the origin of the first rainboom to find Guardian lying on the ground.

“What happened here?” She asked Guardian. He looked at her all funny.

“What?” He asked.

“What happened?” She shouted. He just nodded.

“Rainbow…helped catch air…. Loud booming….can’t hear too well.” He passed out and twilight started slapping him to wake up. After a minute he woke up and jumped to his feet.

“Man I feel good! Do I looked okay, twilight?” I asked after waking up. She looked me up and down.

“You’re missing your eyebrows.” She deadpanned.

I grabbed a piece of broken glass and looked at my reflection Sure enough my eyebrows were missing.
“That sucks they just grew back from the last time I lost them” I said sadly. I tossed the piece of glass to the ground and picked up twilight and started walking to the hospital down the road.

“Do you feel like we forgot about something?” I asked her as we walked through shattered pieces of glass and away from the trail of Sonic Rainbooms. Twilight was blushing for some reason and didn’t say anything. I just shrugged and headed to the hospital to check my ears….

Author's Note

I REGRET NOTHING!