Derpy's Grand Adventure

by KingofBronies

Rating: everyone
Tags: Doctor Whooves, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 4484

Derpy finds herself in a strange land and without muffins.

Derpy's adventure into a not so familiar land and her journey in it. She meets new friends as her old ones try to get her back.

Published 2011-11-09 14:43:51 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-20 14:57:41 UTC

Muffin Dispenser

One Muffin filled Equestrian morning a wall eyed blonde mail carrier pegasus named Derpy woke from her lazy slumber. She hopped up on her hooves clopping down the stairs clumsily as was routine, it's a real wonder how she didn't fall down them. The mail pony clopped towards the table seeing her favorite breakfast laid out filled with a multitude of muffins from all sorts of flavors for her and her family, her favorite husband smiling warmly at her. The brown stallion with dark brown messy sort of hair was called Dr. Whooves around Ponyville. Probably because he was always doing tons of crazy experiments involving time. This explained his hourglass cutie mark. But Derpy refused to call him that she just called him honey or muffin when their daughter Dinky wasn't around. Dinky was sitting with Sparkler at the table. Dinky was taking happy bits out of a muffin. 'D'aaww she takes after me!' Oddly enough, Derpy's kids Dinky and Sparkler were both unicorns. It was very rare for two non-unicorns to have unicorns. However it was possible if one of your parents was a unicorn. Which in this case it was. Sparkler was older then Dinky and the same size of her parents. She was purple with a matching mane but the mane had a lighter almost pink streak that was short cut but it a long tail. Her cutie mark was three diamonds. Dinky was a light gray like her mom with short blonde mane but long tail. The mother pony smiled. The family enjoyed their totally epic and balanced breakfast. Well not so balanced as it was delicious!

“Ditzy! Dinky! Sparkler! We must go to the lab at once! In the name of Science!” The doctor exclaimed pumping his fist in the air. Though Derpy was the ponies real name. He called her Ditzy because it seem more positive to him.

The family of ponies smiled as they trotted down with him to his downstairs lab. “I didn't want to disturb my families breakfast, but I bring you this!”

It was an interesting device it was made with green metals and had a glass case around it. A phone a was inside with a light up pad that shot out a green hologram of a hoof sized number pad.

“Yay! Noh I can call Pinkie an RSVP four da parteh!” The pegasus smiled as she opened the booth.

“Wait! Ditzy no!” Whooves yelled. It was too late she had already typed in the first 4 numbers of Pinkie's phone. The machine vanished transferring her to the time she had dialed.

“Dad? Where did mom go?” Dinky asked.

“I have no idea.” The professor face hoofed.

Derpy got out of the booth which she newly mistaken for a muffin dispenser and broke in the process. She licked the glass of the booth hoping it would taste like muffins. Unfortunately to her surprise glass tasted like glass. Derpy looked around noticing the the vast landscape looked absolutely nothing like the Equestria she remembered. It was filled with tall untamed grasses large boulder seemingly misplaced and a harder ground. She noticed a castle in the distance. It looked nothing like any modern castle she ever saw. She flew carelessly towards it with a silly smile on her face. Reaching it she noticed that the structure was not made out of muffins which she had hoped, but gray stone. 'who wants a grey muffin anyway?' She thought.

The large structure was surrounded by a giant wall which held a city in it. The wall was large with towers atop of each corner and the top of the wall was boarder so the ponies would not fall of when on it. The castle on the other hand was massive, but poorly decorated. It was a darker grey then the wall with red gold trimmed flags held up at the top and at the window openings. The googly eyed pony smiled grounding herself before walking into the city. The city was fairly lively filled with countless residence that were armed with weapons and armor. Earth ponies were heavy armored as unicorns dressed poshly and pegasi dressed in light armor. Their were a few exceptions in class, but most seemed to stick to the same style. Derpy felt strange for being naked in a city of clothed ponies, but at the same time she didn't care. She flew off to the castle carelessly crashing into a door like a bird into a clean window. The door open and a cobalt coated stallion with long messy rainbow mane and a red beard looked at her with strong sliver eyes and laughed. His wings flapped as he rolled on the floor revealing him to be a pegasus and his cutie mark to be wings wrapped around a sword.

“Wow! Please don't tell me yer one of ye new recruits?” The pegasus finished laughing, he spoke with a very stereotypical pirate accent.

“Recuts?” The grey pony said confused.

“Come on, kid we got work to do if yer going to join the Knights.” The rainbow colored pony laughed softly. “I'm Gale Dash, one of the Knight Cap'ns!”

They gray mare recalled somepony with the last name Dash. She just couldn't remember.

“Ma momma called meh Derpy.” The pony responded.

“Aye, fitting fer ye.” The pegasus chuckled. “Well lass lets get to it!”

Captain Gale lead Derpy to the training area. It was just a basic room with read floors, weapon stashes, and dummies. The rainbow maned pony slapped a horned helmet on the derped pony. It tilted slightly but, she didn't seem to notice.

“Alright lass, ye sure do look silly. Get yer self a weapon!” The warrior smirked.

Derpy dived into the pile of pointy weapons jumping back out with a longsword in between her teeth without a single scratch on her. Dash just twitched.

“Aye, now attack that thar dummy!” The cobalt pegasus watched.

The wall eyed pony charged head on into the dummy crashing her horned helmet into it. The Captain face hoofed again. “Yer so lucky wer' low on ponies.” The Captain pulled the horned helmet pony out of the dummy. “Now use yer sword!” Derpy slashed the across the dummy diagonally. To Gales surprised the dummy slide apart in half crashing on the floor.

“Di ah do goo?” The silly pony asked.

“Aye, ye did better den good! I've never seen a recruit down a dummy with on slash befer. Yer in!” The Captain said proudly.

Derpy teared up a bit. “I leik to thank de acadameh and mah hubby an mah tow dautahs! Wat I win?”

“Yer de silly one, Peachie Pie would love ta meet ye. Well since yer a new recruit an' I'm yer Cap'n ye need to meet the other two.” The warrior explain.

“Duh, who ar thy?” The blonde pegasus asked.

“They be, Cap'n Peachie Pie of ye Earth Ponies and Cap'n Sunset Sparkle.” The Captain grinned.

Dash wrapped a sheath around Derpy's waist and she put away the sword. The two clopped off to what looked like a war room. Chairs laid out around a large table. Crested shields hanging from the walls. Two ponies sat on the chairs one glared at the Captain. While the other looked at the new pegasus.

“That be the them now. That one be Peachie and the lad glarin' at me be Sunset.” The warrrior sighed.

Peachie was an bubble gum pink tone earth pony with a slightly darker curly mess of a mane and tail. She wore heavy looking dark purple armor decorated with hot pink trim and a cutie mark that was a cannon firing confetti. She looked at Derpy with wide bright purple eyes. Sunset was a violet unicorn with a black short cut mane with a bright orange streak and a long but maintained matching tail. He wore a sinister looking dark red cape and a stylish matching hat rocking a meteor cutie mark. His blood red eyes were staring down Gale.

“Gale, your late again! How many times do I have to tell you we're at war!” Sunset slammed his hoof on the table, speaking in a very strong tone.

“Awwww! Come on Sunset, its not all bad! Look at the little cutie he brought us.” Peachie giggle playfully.

“Yes, I'm quite curious on the story of that girl. Is she your wench?” The unicorn asked raising an eyebrow.

“Nay! She not be like that, she be me new apprentice!” The Cap'n smiled proudly.

“Just like you Dashie to go get yourself an apprentice when you're suppose to be recruiting for the guard.” The pink pony giggled.

Sunset face hoofed. “I can't believe you would do this again. I should have known you wouldn't learn after the last two.”

“Aye, they say the third times a charm! Besides whats a Cap'n without his first mate?” He chuckled.

“What's your name you silly filly?” Peachie smiled.

“Ma nam ish Derpy!” The wall eyed pegasus smiled with her tongue sticking out.

The wizard face hoofed. “You sure know how to pick them, Gale.”

“Her flyin' may need a bit work, but she knows how to swing dat blade!” The Cap'n grinned.

“That's great! I'm glad she can defend herself! It's hard to lead the supply raids you do with all those enemies.” The earth pony said cheerfully.

“Well Derpy, welcome aboard!” Sunset sighed.

“Yay!” Derpy jumped for joy.

The captains cheered with happily. Even Sunset welcomed the new 'first mate' with open arms. The team took their seats awaiting their leader.

Striking Steel

The knights sat at in the war room in wait for their leader. A familiar purple alicorn trotted in. She was fairly small with a short ghostly blue mane her cutie mark was nowhere to be seen.

"Princess Luna!" Derpy called out in suprise. At first she was questioning why she was here then she realized alicorns couldn't die.

"Ah, thou must be one of Dash's recruits. We are happy to meet thy!" She said very loudly.

"Aye, that she be. Tis one be far stronger ten the last one." Gale smirked proudly.

"If thou say so! Mayhaps she shall stay then! Though dust she not look familiar?" Luna said brushing her chin.

"Now that you mention it, she does! She looks like our jester!" Peachie pointed out.

"Huh? I dooo?" The gray pegasus said confused.

Sunset smiled. "I had no idea Ditzy had a sister."

"I has a bover oh sista?" The silly pegasus smiled.

"Aye, ya might have one lass. Ditzy be a lad, lass." The Cap'n said.

"I wanna see him!" Derpy cheered bouncing up and down.

Gale chucked. "Princess, If ye don't min' can we hold off tis discussion fer a bit longar?"

"We will allow this!" The princess exclaimed.

"Yar! To teh throne room!" The pirate exclaimed.

The captians all decided to tag along. To see the silly pegasus's reaction.

Doctor Whooves and Ditzy were in a panic. Sparkler was thinking to herself. She grabbed hold of her father and slapped him.

"Calm down! With all do respect, father you told us to be calm in these situations." The eldest unicorn sighed.

"You're right my Daughter! We must think of a way to get your mother back!" He exclaimed semi-heroically.

"Dada! I gots it! Shouldn't we find out what Pinkie Pies numba is?" The young unicorn smiled as she calmed.

"Wow, that's a great idea from my super smart sister!" Sparkler said embracing her younger sibbling.

"That's a remarkable idea! She was going to RSVP at Pinkie's Party! We find out the first four digits of her number and we are in!" The Doctor smiled.

"To Sugar Cube Corner!" Ditzy smiled.

The Whooves family trotted off towards Sugar Cube Corner. The entered through the front door and were greeted by a pink pony with a bouncy mess of a mane.

"Oh! Hiya Whoovesy, Dinky, and Sparky! You guys are super early! The party doesnt start till tonight!" Pinkie giggled.

"While this is very true, I need your RSVP number, Ms. Pie." The Doctor formally asked.

"But your already here, why would you need that?" The pink pony tilted her head confused.

Sparkler cleared her throat. "Well, Dad invented a time machine and mom dialed the first four digits of your RSVP number into the machine and got transported to that time period."

"Okie Dokie Loki! That sounds confusing. Here's the number!" Pinkie smiled handing them a piece.

"Awen't you gonna ask how dada invented time twavel?" The small unicorn asked.

"Of course not, silly filly. It is obvious he used a telephone booth and a large potato generator to generate enough electricity to charge the time travel device aswell as a 346 space modulator to calibrate what time it would send anypony by a hologram number pad. Duh!"The pink pony giggled.

Doctor Whooves jaw dropped as the Pinkie has guessed his contraption word for word. He raised his hoof ready to question it, but Sparkler place her hoof over his mouth stopping him.

"Father, it be best not to question the Laws of Randomness." The purple maned mare pointed out.

"Hoofton's First Law." The Doctor sighed.

“Yar, Derpy dat be Ditzy!” The pirate sounding pegasus pointed his hoof.

The Captains and Derpy were now in the throne room. It was a wonderous display of color both black and yellow. A flag a half Lunar Eclipse stood tall over the two thrones one gold the other metallic black which seemingly dropped red carpet down a flight of stairs. Near the gold throne stood a unicorn levitating playing cards in front of a laughing white alicorn. Derpy took a several steps forward as the attention was soon turned to her. She walked up to the unicorn noticing he was a blueish gray color just like her, but with emerald googly eyes. He wore a red jester outfit and had a laughing mask on his flank.

“Hi.” The pegasus began with a smile.

The stallion looked confused, but opened his mouth, but not before the alicorn, who was none other then Celestia. “Who might you be?” She asked in a sophisticated tone.

“Ma name is Derpy!” The silly pony smiled.

“She's Gales new 'first mate'.” Sunset said as he trotting to her majesty.

“Oh? Another one? So soon? You must be more careful Gale. Ponies don't grow on trees.” Celestia chuckled.

“Aye, but this lass here is a fighter. Ain't non' of them Shadow Manes layin' a hand on dis lass.” The captain chuckled.

“Speaking of Shadow Manes, weren't you suppose to be discussing the attack with my sister.” The royal alicorn questioned .

“Well we were, but we wanted Derpy to see her brother Ditzy!” Peachie smiled.

“Umm..but I don't have a sister.” Ditzy explained.

“Whhha!? But you two look so alike.” The orange pony exclaimed.

“I don rememba having a bover either. Dah why I was so excited!” Derpy bounced happily in place.

“I got another question, even if she was my sister. Why is she naked with only a helmet on her head?” The gray unicorn pointed out.

“Blast it! I fergot to get har armor! We need ta visit teh blacksmith!” Gale said.

“Mind if I tag along? She interests me. Maybe we are related and I don't know her. If thats ok with you Princess?” The jester asked.

“Go on your way Ditzy. I'll be fine.” The alicorn smiled.

The ponies trotted off following Gale through the long hallway and out the door the courtyard where a unicorn trotted about a stone forge hammering a blade on an anvil with magic. The other ponies approached the forge. They laid their eyes upon an ivory toned mare with heavy purple eyes and glossy black mane curled to perfection. She dressed in what looked to be a pure white and silver robe that covered everything but her flank which revealed her hammer and anvil cutie mark. The pony dropped her hammer.

“What in all the heavens is that pony doing...NAKED?!” She pointed her hoof at Derpy.

“Aye, lass calm yer boot. Tis be me new first mate, Derpy.” Cap'n Gale laughed.

“Another one? Gale darling, you could at least do better then a pony that can't afford her own cloths.” The blacksmith sighed.

“Arr, wharevar tis lass could hav came from. She know how ta hold that blade I gave har.” The proud pegasus smirked.

“Oh really now? Now you got me intrigued. Let's see... If she can best me in a duel I'll make her the best armor I can.” The ivory unicorn grinned.

“An if I lose?” The googly eyed pegasus asked.

“Well, then you have to leave without question and Gale need to try again with another recruit. So what do you say?” She laughed.

Something ticked in Derpy's mind causing her to announce in great pride. “CHALLENGE FUCKING ACCEPTED!” The eyes of the bluish gray pegasus glared at her foe as she unsheathed her sword with her mouth. The unicorn levitated a sword she had finished into her mouth. The other ponies smirked. They knew it had been a while since their friend had fought, but it was going to be a good one.

“I'm Skyforge by the way.” The ivory unicorn revealed.

“Just like Skyforge, lady like one second a killer mare the next. She's always a riot!” Peachie laughed.

“Lets just hope this pony can hold up as well as you say Gale. I'd hate to have another causality here in the courtyard.” The wizard pony sighed.

“I got confidence in Derpy. She looks like a tough muffin.” Ditzy smiled.

“Aye, teh lass can handle Skyforge any day! I know it she the perfect first mate!” Gale smirked.

The two ponies were starting off moving slowly around in circles their eyes locked. Skyforge rushed in swinging her blade down but the pegasus dodged. Derpy rushed in and slashed her sword against her foes unleashing crushing power. Skyforge struggled, but held her ground and threw her off. The pegasus slide on the earth again charging at the unicorn. The slash was a rising slash which knocked her sword into the sky. She caught the blade with magic but not before the pegasus had her sword at her throat. Skyforge dropped the sword as a way of surrendering. Derpy's eyes returned to normal, well derped.

The gray pegasus sheathed her sword with a silly smile. “So, about that armor?”

War Of The Gods

The Whooves family was galloping towards the library. They needed to find out what era Derpy had been transported to.

"Sparkler! What was the phone number?" The timelord asked.

"1-236-4703." The pink unicorn announced.

"So, she's stuck in 1236? If their is anypony that knows about history it's Twilight!" The brown earth pony exclaimed.

"She hewped me wif my math homework." Dinky said cutely.

The father and older sister smiled and dashed quickly. With in a good distance they made it to the library and knocked on the door. A lavender unicorn with dark purple mane and a pink streak answered the door. It was Twilight Sparkle!

"Oh hi, is Ditzy here for math tutoring?" Twilight asked.

"No, miss not today! It is a far more serious matter. My wife you see has time traveled into the past using Pinkie Pies phone number and a time machine!" The doctor explained.

Twilight gave him a look like he was crazy. "Umm, Doctor have you been eating Pinkie's special brownies or something. Cause that sounds crazy."

Doctor Whooves throws away a bag filled with brownies. "I have no idea what your talking about!"

Sparkler face hoofs. "Twilight, please tell us what you know about the year 1236. We are not lying to you."

"Ya, moma is gone I want her to come home." the unicorn filly looked sad.

"Well I guess it's possible your telling the truth. Alright come in." Twilight smiled.

The Whooves family trotted into the library. A baby purple dragon with green rounded spikes was organizing the bookshelves.

"Spike, get the book on the 12th century." Twilight smiled.

"Oh uh, ok!" The number one assistant hands her a book titled The War of The Gods.

"T-the War of The Gods?" The Doctor said in shock. What had his beloved gotten herself into? She could be in great peril. The doctor was trembling from this realization.

"Yes, well it says here that a war was fought against the Alicorns to see who would become the Gods of Equestria. There used to be many Alicorns it say, but the war reduced their numbers to only two. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. The main enemy alignence were the Shadow Manes. Says here they were killed off and there Kingdom was destroyed. You see, Canterlot is a fairly new Kingdom that was established after the great war." Twilight summarized and paused.

"What is it?" Sparkler asked.

"Shadow Manes... It sounds familiar. Rainbow Dash said something about a group of flyers call the Shadow Bolts. It maybe that they weren't completely destroy!" Twilight thought allowed.

"Really now? Could it be, that they were the cause of Nightmare Moon?" The Doctor though.

Meanwhile, still outside Skyforge handed Derpy a set of heavy looking armor. It was a ebony colored full body plate held together with leather straps. It was equip with ebony colored steel legging and hoof guards. The armor was a perfect fit for the pegasus and despite its appearance was light on her. The Captains stood proudly as they welcomed there new companions equip for battle.

"Aye, told ye teh lass could 'andle er shelf in battle!" Gale smirked proudly.

"I have to say Derpy, you have me impressed." Sunset smiled.

"I haven't seen an awesome battle like that in ages! It was sooooo cool!" Peachie bonced.

The jester giggled. "I'm proud of you!"

"I di goood!" Derpy smiled.

"You maybe tough, but a real battle isn't the same as a duel. Remember that." Skyforge explained.

The googly eyed pony nodded. The team of warriors said there good-byes to Ditzy as they went to the war room. The team then took there seats as Luna stood in wait.

"We hath be waiting!" Luna yelled.

"I ish sowwie Miss Luna, I ha to go fight Skyforge." The gray pegasus said.

"We accept thine apology and how the thine new armor helpest thy make swift work of thine enemies!" The alicorn exclaimed taking notice.

"Aye Cap'n, the plan." the pirate asked.

"Captain? We are a General in rank. Why duth thou address we as such?" The General asked.

"Aye, I mean ye no disrespect. I just see ye as me Captain since ye out rank me." The rainbow maned pegasus explained.

Luna sighs. "Whatever. We have received notice that the Shadow Mane hath made an advancement upon our forces in Trotford."

"Trotford? But that's just a farm village!" the violet unicorn exclaimed.

"We are aware of this! They are holding off a resistance as we speak. We had another assignment for you at first, but tis more important." The ghostly maned alicorn yelled.

"Ohhhh! Trotford is far, does that mean we get to take the dragons?" Peachie bounced.

"Dwagons?" The silly pegasus questioned.

"Aye lass, we got dragons! We got arrr self a special trainer ta train dem fer us." the Cap'n explained.
"Oooooooooh!" Derpy said as her eyes widened. She had seen dragons before on her travels as a mailmare, but never a trained one besides Spike. Well if you can call him trained. The Captains nodded in agreement and headed to the roof of the castle. Nearly hidden by the massive pillars laid several adult dragons green, red, and black of color. Along with the dragons they noticed a small pegasus flying next to a black dragon polishing its scales. She was a daisy yellow with swirl pink long mane and a curved tail. Her attire consisted of scalish light metal armor and a viking helmet that covered the top part of her face, but had eye holes so she could see. Her cutie mark was of whip crackling.

"Thar, that be Feather Charm, she be teh dragon trainarrr!" The pirate smiled.

"We just call her Charm though." Sunset said.

"Hiiiii!" The derp-eyed pony greeted.

Feather Charm fluttered down and looked away from the pegasus's greeting. "Ummm...Hi."

"Oh come on Charm! Don't be such a shy filly. She won't bite." Peachie giggled.

"I ish Derpy! Nice to met you!" The silly pegasus extend a hoof.

Charm blushed, but shoke hooves with her. "Ummm..Pleasure to meet you I'm Feather Charm, but you can call me Charm.

"Aye, ain't she sweet? One of teh sweetest mares in Equestria." Gale giggled making Charm blush.

"Oh quit your flirting Gale, we got to get to Trotford." Sunset grumbled.

"Aye, lass could ye lend us yer dragons?" The rainbow maned pegasus asked.

"Umm. Ok.. You boys ready?!" Charm yelled at the dragons.

The dragons roared as they let their tails down allowing them to be mounted. Charm mounted herself on a black dragon in the center, Sunset and Peachie mounted on a green dragon to the left, and last Gale and Derpy mounted on the red dragon on the right.

"Are all of you ready to fly?" The black dragon roared.

"Yes sir!" The red and green dragon roared back.

The dragons spread their wings single file and took of into the sky one after another...

Twilight was searching through her books, throwing them all around in a panic. Doctor Whooves was sitting on the floor with his family thinking. Spike sighed and searched through the books hoping to find a solution to Twilight's mess making.

"I got it! Twilight, you and your friends can handle the situation here correct?" The doctor asked as if she wasn't going crazy.

"Y-yes!" the lavendar unicorn yelled victourously as she held a book over her head.

"Alright, we'll be off then!" the brown earth pony said as his family left.
They though to themselves.

"Father, we need a plan." Sparkler suggested.

"I'm quiet aware of that..Yes! I have got it! We need a warrior to accompany us!" He proposed.

"A warrior? Where are we to find one?" the mare asked.

"Really? Daughters of mine, do you not know of any strong chaps that could help us out?" Dr. Whooves asked.

"Well, Big Macintosh is weally stwong." Dinky smiled.

"Aww, yes darling, but he is likely busy and I don't think he could lend us a hand." The earth pony pointed out.

"Well...There is one pony.." the eldest daughter sighed.

"Really? That's great news! Who is this pony?" The timelord said bursting with excitement.

"He is from Estallia, he knows how to fight. His name is Cortez." The pink unicorn face hoofed.

"Sista was wong?" The little filly asked.

"You'll see when we get there.." Sparkler looked up and sighed.