The Dash and the Furry-ous

by UniqueSKD

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Crossover
Length: 8801

Wile E. Coyote decides to try and catch Rainbow Dash

Wile E. Coyote takes a break from chasing the Road Runner and sets his eyes on a familiar blue rainbow-maned pegasus.

You can guess how well that turns out.

UPDATE - 20th April Thursday 2017
Oh hey, I got Featured again. And just as I loaded Dark Souls 2 on the Xbox 360 as well. Well, wish me luck in beating New Game Plus, readers. The Iron Keep awaits me! So er...hope you like what you see here while I'm doing my thing...

UPDATE - 18th December Sunday 2016
Wow. Really? 700 words for a new chapter and this gets Featured? The algorithms on this site really are broken. I don't think I deserve this Feature.

UPDATE - 14th December Monday 2015
Wait, this story's back in the Featured section again? Either I'm lucky or there's not enough clopfics being written to fill the space, Oh well, Hey, I wonder what that 'Unwell: Recovery' fanfic above me is like?

UPDATE - 11th December Friday 2015
So...um...Quite very literally today after I returned to this story to continue writing more chapters for it, this happened to get into the Featured section? Thank you all out there who came today to view this story, and to those of you who supported this ages ago and still do. My deepest appreciations go to you all for that.

Published 2015-03-21 21:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-19 23:05:43 UTC

Chapter One - Well, this is one way to get into Equestria...

Author's Note

Because I wanted to open up with a funny image gag. Whoever made this comic strip, a round of applause to ya! Clap clap clap clap!

Chapter One - Well, this is one way to get into Equestria...

Rainbow Dash let her foreleg hang over the side of the cloud she lazed upon, the other simply pawed at the fluff of the cloud unethusiatically. The pegasus mare was bored. Really bored. And Rainbow Dash HATED being bored. Being bored was just so...well, boring!

There had been no demands from the Weather Factory for particular weather patterns to be made and brought to anyplace, so today was practically a day-off for Rainbow Dash. She had hoped to spend it with her friends, but had not counted on the fact that just because she had the day off from work, it didn't mean her friends did as well.

Twilight Sparkle was being an egghead as usual, immersing herself into a new pile of tomes and spell books she had received recently. Applejack was tending to the apple orchard as always with her family. Rarity was an option at first, but she wasn't the sort of pony who liked doing cool stuff and so was dropped. Fluttershy was away at some sort of convention for animals - go figure - and Pinkie Pie was working on a special order for some ceremony over in Canterlot.

Rainbow Dash even went looking for Scootaloo, but remembered her little fan was in school today. She wouldn't be out until that afternoon, and even then the little orange filly would likely want to hang out with her friends. Rainbow Dash couldn't take her away from them even if she wanted to. The filly enjoyed crusading with her friends, and besides Scootaloo would probably have homework to do anyway.

So far, all Rainbow Dash had done was lay on this cloud for two minutes. Two minutes which had been waaaaay too long for the impatient mare. She wanted something to do, and she wanted to do something now.

Rainbow Dash's eyes trailed over to the Everfree Forest. From the outside, it looked like a beautiful forest, nature and life in abundance, but in reality, or at least the one that other ponies made up to keep their children away from it, it was a perilous and foreboding place which very few ponies dared to enter. The forest was filled with dangerous creatures, and they spoke also of strange beings that wandered the forest searching for foolish stallions and mares to do who-knows-what with them.

All the more reason for the most awesome flyer in all of Ponyville, if not Equestria, to venture there, right? It would at the very least be way better than just lounging around on a cloud in bored torment.

She could make up an obstacle course out of the trees and stuff laying around, or she might even have her own Daring Do moment and discover some kind of priceless ancient artifact, or maybe even some cool undiscovered ruins! Nopony really explored the Everfree Forest as far as she knew. Why couldn't there exist the possbility of the remains of a lost civilization existing right next door to Ponyville?

Rainbow Dash's mind was made up right there and then.

Besides, if I did come across anything dangerous, I'll show them how dangerous I can be too! Rainbow Dash thought to herself as she stretched out her wings and leaped off the cloud. Taking flight, she flew over towards the tree tops of the Everfree Forest.

And who knows? Rainbow Dash thought with a smile, I might find something awesome!

Meanwhile, in a desert in another place and time...

This time, he was going to get that darn bird.

Wile E. Coyote (aka; Persistentus Fellowus) felt it in his hungry gut. Today was the day he'd finally catch that irritating bird. And no, this feeling of luck wasn't like all those other feelings he had every other day. Oh no, this time he just knew that he'd be chewing on barbecued Road Runner before the end of today.

And how was he going to do it?

By cementing up a tunnel and painting an imaginary scene over it, of course!

But this time, instead of painting a desert background as he usually did the last - what was it now, seven, eight, nine maybe times he had done before? - Wile E came up with the ingenious idea to instead paint a different setting. Replacing desert sand and pointed rocks for fields of flowers and oddly-formed clouded skies, Wile E was confident that the moment the Road Runner came along and saw the painting, it would stop and wonder why the desert trail was leading into a field of flowers and green grass, and that was to be the moment when he would jump out from behind a conveniently located rock close by and nab the little bugger once and for all.

Wile E smiled wickedly to himself, as he added the last bit of blue to the sky, before stepping back and admiring his artistic masterpiece. There was no way this plan was going to fail. Absolutely, positively, indefinitely, without a doubt whatsoever -

"Meep meep!"

Wile E's ears perked up as a familiar sound in the distance echoed. The Road Runner was on its way!

Wile E threw his paint brush away and kicked the paint cans aside before leaping behind a rock large enough to conceal himself behind. He cackled quietly to himself as he imagined the bone-crushing thwack sound the Road Runner would make as it hit his fake 'tunnel' at sixty miles per hour.

Peeking out from his hiding spot, Wile E saw the bane of his existence speeding along the desert road, kicking up a cloud trail of smoke and dust in its wake, wearing that same stupid grin on its beak. But you won't be smiling in a minute, the hungry coyote thought to himself, crouching back behind his rock. He pulled out a napkin and tied it around his neck, readying his knife and fork for the feast about to come.

"Meep, meep!"

The Road Runner sounded much closer now. Wile E closed his eyes in anticipation, waiting for a few couple of seconds for the inevitable to befall the bird...

He heard the Road Runner speeding along the road...

...

He heard the Road Runner heading towards the painting. Wile E grinned widely, and clenched his utensils tightly...

...

...and he heard the Road Runner speeding off into the distance.

Wait, what?

Wile E's eyes opened, and he peeked out from behind the rock. He saw the dissipating cloud of dust kicked up by the Road Runner. The Road Runner had clearly not slowed down upon reaching the bricked-up tunnel, so where had it gone?

Wile E walked up to the painting, and something caught his eye. His mouth fell agape, his jaw hitting the floor, when he saw the Road Runner inside of his painting, looking back at him with that same stupid, stupid grin. It popped its tongue out, and 'Meep, meep!'ed the bewildered coyote before zipping off across the painted fields and hills.

...no...

Wile E's fork and knife fell to the ground with a clink and a clang.

...no, no, no...

His yellow eyes narrowed in anger and he bared his sharp teeth. His face slowly turned a reddish shade and he shook violently from the rage building up within him.

No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

He began stomping the ground in a furious temper, the insult of another failed attempt at catching the Road Runner reminding him of all his previous failed attempts.

HOW. DOES. THAT. DARN. BIRD. DO. THAT!? Wile E raged in his thoughts, stomping his foot down at each word. WHY. MUST. EVERY. THING. I. DO. END. IN. FAILURE!?

His hands clenched closed into a fist, and he threw a punch at his painting.

However, instead of feeling the brickwork behind the colors meet his knuckles, Wile E surprisingly felt himself losing balance, as he fell forward towards his painting. When he hit the ground, it was not the concrete hardness of the desert road that cushioned his fall, but something much softer. Strange. I don't remember the road being this soft before.

Wile E opened his eyes, and to his surprise, he found a layer of green grass beneath him. His surprise evolved into astonishment when he lifted his head up and found himself in a small circular clearing within what he believed to be a forest, surrounded by trees and plant life. Birds flew above him, chirping and tweeting as they soared through the air, and a bunch of woodland critters hopped and leaped about from the trees and/or around them nearby.

Where in the name of ACME am I? was the first thought to enter the coyote's mind. He then looked behind himself, and saw the familiar desert he knew so well, and...it...looked like a picture...also painted upon a wall of bricks?

Wait a cotton pickin' minute, did I fall through my own painting? This place he was in now did seem rather familiar, now he thought about it. In fact, he was certain it was. There was that flower he painted by the tree over there. And there was that loose branch above it too! Yes, this definitely was the background world he had painted back in the desert, only now it was...real.

Getting up off the floor and treading cautiously to the painting, Wile E hesitantly poked at it with a finger. His finger passed through without obstruction. A ripple erupted from where his finger touched, making the whole picture ebb and flow like it was composed entirely of water or something.

Wile E pulled his finger from the painting, and the image became still again. He scratched his head in wonder. Well, this defies all scientific reasoning. How is it possible for one to enter an inanimate painting? He mentally slapped himself the second that thought came to mind. Listen to me! I chase a bird that can run across air and through painted scenery, have cannons shoot back on me, and constantly fall into conveniently located chasms, and I have the nerve to question the logical reasons behind my entering a fictional world I painted on a wall of bricks!

Wile E turned and walked away, heading towards the tree. Well, since I'm here, I might as well explore the place. Who knows? If I don't come across the Road Runner again, I might find something else of interest...

Chapter Two - Wile E loses his dinner

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter Three - Dashie through the woods...

Rainbow Dash looked down at the massive forest beneath her as she glided above. Despite previous ventures into the Everfree Forest with her friends, she had never actually properly explored the place, mostly for the good reason being that the area was home to many dangerous creatures and wildlife. But where there was danger, there was excitement, and Rainbow Dash, naturally being a pony who would take excitement over boredom any day of any week of any month of any year of any century, was willing to take the risk.

Besides, if she did come across anything she couldn't handle - not that she couldn't handle anything, being the one of the most, if not the most awesome pony in all of Equestria - she was more than fast enough to get out of there.

The trees in this part look pretty thick. Could be hard to push through if I wanna get in or out in a hurry. If I'm gonna do this, I'll need someplace to land, Rainbow Dash thought to herself.

From the corner of her eyes, Rainbow Dash spotted a small open clearing to her right. "Hey, there's a place I can land," Rainbow Dash said. She veered to the side and headed towards the clearing, hovering above the small area and looking around for signs of danger before allowing herself to drop down and land upon the grassy floor.

Rainbow Dash folded her wings and looked at her surroundings. The Everfree Forest looked huge from above, but on ground level the trees just seemed to go on and on forever. So far, nothing big or scary had leaped out of the darkness of the thickets to gobble her up, so things seemed alright so far. Perhaps the excitement would be a little further into the forest? Breathing in, Rainbow Dash put her hoof forward and disappeared amid the trees.

She strolled through the forest, listening to the sounds of wildlife chirping and chattering all around her. Various plants and flowers of a myriad of colors and sizes lay out at her sides, their sweet aromas tickling her nose. The forest was plentiful of life and - oh holy sweet Celestia, was all of this so boring!

"What gives?" Rainbow Dash said loudly, throwing her hoof in the air in annoyance. "Where's all the dangerous animals and flesh-eating plants? Where's all the gloomy and doomy atmosphere?" This looked nothing like the Everfree Forest that she remembered visiting on previous occasions. This area looked beautiful, but Rainbow Dash wasn't here for the beauty. She wanted danger and adventure, anything remotely exciting to get rid of the boredom that had led her here to begin with.

She kicked a small stone by her hoof into some bushes as she grunted. "Great. The one time I actually want to be in danger and not even the scary forest can do that!" Rainbow Dash sulked. She turned around with an unsatisfied expression. "I guess I might as well go home and..."

Rainbow Dash was interrupted as something suddenly raced past her, blowing her rainbow mane from the force. Leaves and small twigs followed after, some of which were blown into Rainbow Dash's face. Caught off-guard by what had happened, a few moments passed by before the pegasus blinked a couple of times and returned to reality.

"What in the wide world of Equestria was that just now?" she squealed. She turned around instinctively to see what had flew past her with such speed, only to be met with a beak and a pair of eyes up close to her face. Rainbow Dash screamed and fell on to her back. Looking up in panic, her stress dissolved into confusion as she locked gazes with a strange bird-like creature she had never seen before in her life.

The creature tilted its head, its beak curving into a smirk. It seemed to be studying Rainbow Dash, sizing her up and noting her appearance.

There was an awkward silence between pony and bird that was eventually broken when Rainbow Dash found her voice and spoke up. "Er...hi there?" she asked, raising a hoof in a friendly gesture.

The creature stared at her for a few moments longer. Then it stuck its tongue out at her, and jumped up and down excitedly. "Meep! Meep!" it called out, before racing off into the forest at great speed. The woodland critters that had been frightened off earlier and were just cautiously coming back were scared away once again as the creature zig-zagged between the trees.

Rainbow Dash stared after the creature in confusion, unsure of what had just happened. What kind of creature was that? Never before had she ever heard of anything like it in her life. It wasn't dangerous at least, that much Rainbow Dash could assure herself. If it was, it would have harmed her rather than run off like that.

Speaking of running though...whatever that creature was, it ran pretty quick. Like, really quick. Like, 'so quick that it might be really cool to race it' quick.

And if something could move that fast, Rainbow Dash was the pony who had to race it.

Rainbow Dash smirked. "Maybe this won't be boring after all," she said to herself as her wings flared out and began flapping speedily, the pegasus mare quickly shooting off through the trees after the mysterious speedy bird creature...thing.

Author's Note

Not a great chapter, yes. But I've finally managed to write something for this story, so I'm happy with it.

So yeah. Rainbow Dash and Wile E shenanigans after this now.

Chapter Four - Rainbow Dash VS The Roadrunner

Rainbow Dash bobbed and weaved in between the branches of the trees as she pursued the Roadrunner through the Everfree Forest. Up ahead, the Roadrunner quickly side stepped around an incoming tree before turning its head around to look back at the rainbow-maned horse with wings that was flying after it.

"Whoa!" Rainbow Dash said impressed. "You're pretty quick on your legs. You'd give everypony a run for their bits at the next Running of the Leaves race, that's for sure." But how quick are your legs against totally awesome wing power? she pondered.

The Roadrunner locked eyes with her for a few moments before sticking its tongue out at her and crying 'Meep, meep!'. It then spun around and darted further into the seemingly endless forest.

Rainbow Dash cocked her head to the side puzzled. This thing sure acted weird. At least not on the same level as Pinkie Pie. Still, as the most competitive and awesome mare in all of Equestria who never backed down from a challenge, Rainbow Dash gave a smirk. "So now you're taunting me, huh?" she shouted after it. "Okay then, I'll up my game if that's what you want"

She began to put more power into her wing flaps. The Roadrunner may have been quick, but Rainbow Dash was the fastest flyer in all of Equestria, and there was no way in Celestia and Luna's names she was going to be bested by some flightless ground bird thing. Rainbow kept her eyes on her opponent, only looking away to watch out for incoming obstacles. She flew over and under more tree branches as she slowly began to gain up on the Roadrunner.

"I've got you now, birdy," Rainbow Dash grinned as she steadily got close enough that she could have reached a hoof out and touched the Roadrunner's tail feathers.

Or at least Rainbow Dash would have been able to, if the Roadrunner hadn't suddenly came to a complete halt. Rainbow Dash shot straight past it, and she quickly shot a glance over her shoulder at her opponent.

"Huh? Why'd you stop?" Rainbow Dash wondered aloud. Was it giving up? Was it suddenly tired or something?

She saw the Roadrunner lift one of its legs and use its talons to point at something ahead of herself. Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, and turned her head back around in time...

THWACK!

...to greet the gnarled bark of a dead tree trunk face first, hard and personal.

Pulling her muzzle away from the tree, the taste of decayed wood on her tongue, Rainbow Dash's world became a dizzy blur. Several Roadrunners ran circles around her head crying their 'meep meep's'.

"Oooooh...did anypony get the number plate of that Jeremy Clarkson?" Rainbow Dash mumbled in her daze before peeling away completely from the tree and falling flat on her back upon the ground. Her imaginary Roadrunners scattered off into nothingness as her eyes started to close, save for the one that stood over her, head cocked to one side and looking down at the pegasus with concern.

Author's Note

Yeah shorter chapter, I know, but I've recently just found an interest for writing stuff again. Let me take my baby steps before I start walking with the big boys and girls of fanfiction again, okay?

Besides, I was gonna disregard this story altogether, but I'm such a nice person that I decided not to. Because that's what a hero does; s/he considers YOUR needs first.

Thank Lady Faust for me. And thank god for Jim Sterling while you're at it.

Chapter Five - Wile E BEAR-ly misses dinner...again.

Wile E raked the last pile of dead leaves over the carefully placed rope snare, padding them out so as to cover the whole thing. Once he was done disguising his trap and doubling-checking his handiwork, he produced a carrot from behind his back. Waggling his eyebrows at the person reading this story, he cautiously placed the carrot in the center of the pile of dead leaves, and tiptoed away to hide behind a nearby tree.

The coyote's stomach growled, prompting him of the meal he had lost back in Chapter Two. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling rainbow thing, he thought angrily. He peeked out to keep watch for anything that would come along to take the bait. Well, let's just leave it in the past and focus on the present.

He crouched down to conceal himself better as he spotted another bunny hopping along. From the corner of its tiny eyes, a flash of orange brought its attention to the nice juicy carrot. The bunny eyed the vegetable hungrily, and looked around to see if anything was lurking nearby that might try to keep him from claiming it. Not spotting the coyote observing him close by, the bunny rubbed its paws in glee and hopped towards the carrot.

And speaking of 'presents', I do believe I'm about to get one gift-wrapped, Wile E thought as he gave a toothy grin.

A cringe worthy sigh from the reader sounded behind Wile E. He turned his head to the reader with a frown, as he held up a sign which read, Oh shuddup. A line like that was funny back in my day. He threw the sign away and turned his attention back to the bunny.

It was taking a few cautious tiny hops towards the bait.

It stopped a few meters away and looked around for danger.

Wile E's eyes narrowed wickedly as he licked his lips.

It hopped a little closer towards the bait.

It took one last look at its surroundings, just to double-check.

It hopped even closer to the bait.

A bit of saliva dripped from Wile E's mouth.

The bunny hopped even closer to the bait than before.

The reader was getting bored with the suspense and just wanted the darn thing to take the carrot already.

The bunny picked up the carrot and began gnawing happily away at it.

Right there in the middle of the trap.

Which hadn't triggered.

Like, at all.

Wile E blinked a couple of times in disbelief and his hungry drool immediately stopped oozing. My dinner should be suspended above the ground by its feet right now! Why isn't it? I set the snare up perfectly! This is the most basic and thoroughly tested hunting technique ever devised!

Wile E face-palmed, dragging his hand down his face. Oh forget it, I'll just get the darn thing myself! he thought. With that, Wile E leaped out from behind the tree, landing behind the bunny with a thud.

The little creature instantly turned around and squeaked in fright at the sight of the coyote looming over it.

You're mine, you screwy rabbit! Wile E gave a menacing toothy smile, and dived straight at his prey.

But the rabbit quickly hopped back just mere inches of the coyote's grasp. It landed outside of the area of dead leaves which were covering the net, and Wile E having missed his target just so happened to land straight in the center of the pile.

Immediately Wile E's world flipped upside-down as the rope coiled around his ankle and hoisted him up in the air, bouncing up and down like as if he were on a bungee jump cord. He flailed his arms wildly in panic. Gah! Curse you Looney Tune universal logic! the coyote's thoughts seethed with rag e as he tried to lean himself up to reach the rope holding his leg, but to no avail. Defeated, he gave in and allowed himself to simply sway left to right, right to left.

His eyes glanced over at the rabbit, who blew a raspberry at him. It then turned around and shook its small fluffy tail at him before bounding off into the woods, leaving the still hungry, but even angrier-than-before coyote to, for the sake of a joke, 'hang around'.

This is so humiliating! I can't catch flightless bird, and I can't even catch simple bunnies! How can this get any worse?

A growling sound was his answer. Slowly turning his head to the side, Wile E's eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks as he gazed into the black threatening eyes of a very large bear-like creature with dark blue fur. The large star-shaped marking on its head, along with the similar though smaller markings dotted around its body, gave the appearance of a starry night sky.

Or rather in this case, a starry night sky on legs that was getting ready to maul a helpless scrawny coyote.

Wile E's face and ears drooped. He gulped loudly, and pulled out a sign from hammerspace just as the bear raised a very sharp set of claws over him.

Have a heart, folks. Please just skip to the next chapter, the sign read.

Author's Note

Next chapter, we shall go back to Rainbow Dash and Roadrunner, while Wile E tried to talk things out with the Ursa Minor.

Assuming he will still be in one piece by the time we go back to him, that is...

Chapter Six - Stuff Happens, Yadda Yadda Yadda...

The Roadrunner stood over the body of the dazed cyan pegasus, staring down at her. She had collided into the tree pretty hard, but besides muttering something about a 'Jeremy Clarkson' or whatever, and a pretty nasty bump forming on her noggin, she didn't seem too terribly hurt. The tree on the other hand, wasn't as fortunate, broken at the base of the trunk and toppled over from the impact. And I thought only Wile E could withstand a hard hit to the head, the Roadrunner thought to itself. Hmm. That reminds me; where has that silly coyote got to anyway? I doubt he's up to any good wherever he is.

The Roadrunner took one last look at Rainbow Dash's still form. Well, until she woke up from her crash-induced nap, the Roadrunner had nothing better to do. But it couldn't just leave the poor thing out in the open where some predator might chance upon her. The Roadrunner raked some fallen leaves with its feet and covered Rainbow's form with them, hiding her from anything within the forest that might mean her harm. Then turning away from Rainbow Dash, the Roadrunner took off back into the forest, hoping to find that silly coyote and make sure he wasn't causing any trouble.

In actuality, Wile E was busy getting as far away from trouble as possible

Wile E hobbled through the woods, a large thin branch tucked under his left arm to use as a makeshift crutch. He found himself occasionally falling against the trees he was passing by. Having your legs mauled by a huge, vicious five hundred and something pound bear can really mess up your ability to walk, if you didn't know that already. The bear could have chosen to maul the rest of him and leave little proof of his existence if it so wanted to, but it eventually left him alone when it grew bored of squeezing his rib cage for the umpteenth time.

As the poor injured coyote pressed on, grunting with every step he took, he spotted something from out the corner of his swollen black eye, high above the trees. Turning his attention to it, Wile E saw that it was smoke. And as anyone who had ever read the Scouts manual would tell you, if there was smoke, then there was a fire, and if there's a fire, there had to be someone around to have made it, and if there's someone else in this forest beside the coyote himself, then there was a meat shield to hide behind in case the bear came back for Round Two.

Well, the Roadrunner's disappeared to who knows where, I'm lost in this darn place, and I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding internally in several different places, Wile E thought to himself. I'll take my chances with who or whatever is making all that smoke.

And so off in the direction of the smoke did Wile E go, limping as quickly as he could go.

Fluttershy hummed cheerfully to herself as she tended to her chickens, scattering chicken feed along the ground for them to peck upon. It was a lovely day to be out in the back garden of her little cottage home with all of her animal friends. Angel Bunny was sitting on a little bench happily munching away on a carrot. Harry the bear was having a little tea party with a few canaries that Fluttershy was nursing for one of Ponyville's citizens, and her hens were enjoying their tasty chicken feed.

So what was the deal with the mangled coyote creature that suddenly collapsed behind Fluttershy, scaring the daylights out of her?

Author's Note

Short chapter. Nothing too interesting. Or of any level of interest.

Chapter Seven - Out of the Forest

Wile E staggered in the direction of the smoke, hoping he would find somebody, anybody, who might be able to help him with his injuries, preferably someone capable of realigning a few dislocated bones and stitching up a lot of bear claw wounds. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about blood loss, Wile E thought to himself. Otherwise this story would have to change its rating to Teen. Wait, what am i even thinking about? Maybe it's a concussion coming on.

Wile E continued limping towards the smoke's direction for a couple more minutes until he saw an opening in the trees ahead of him. That must be the way out of this stupid place! Wile E smiled. Things suddenly seemed hopeful for the battered coyote, and so he wasted no time and hobbled as quickly as he could, not wanting to spend another minute in this blasted forest.

When he reached the opening, Wile E saw a small cottage near a small little river. The smoke he had seen puffed from out of the chimney. Good. That means there's someone living here. Wile E painfully made his way towards the cottage, crossing over the small bridge and up to the door. BEARing the pain as he lifted his arm, he knocked on the door.

No answer.

Wile E frowned. He knocked again.

No answer again.

Wile E started to grind his teeth together. Oh, do not do this to me right now, he growled in his thoughts. Suddenly, his ears perked up as he heard a melodic humming coming from somewhere. Maybe around the back of the house, perhaps?

Wile E walked around the side of the house, following the sound of the humming. On the other side of a little fence before him, he saw a little yellow horse with wings throwing bird feed on the ground in front what appeared to be a chicken coop , this assumption confirmed as a bunch of hens came out to feast upon the feed.

And what a lovely tasty looking bunch of hens they were. Wile E smacked his lips hungrily.

Well, I haven't had a bite to eat since I got here. And that pony doesn't look much of a threat whatsoever. Dinner's practically presenting itself to me right here! Rubbing his paws together with renewed glee, Wile E quietly climbed over the wooden fencing, and began to tip toe up behind the little mare.

She was so occupied with feeding the hens and humming to herself that she had no idea of the starving and slightly bleeding coyote creeping up on her. Likewise, the hens were too busy pecking away at their feed to notice him and alert the mare with panicked squawks.

There is no way this can go wrong, Wile E confidently cackled to himself as he closed in on the unsuspecting mare. What could possibly ruin this moment? As he stood right behind the little winged mare now, he loomed over her with his arms stretched wide, taking his blooming time to grab the unaware creature for some reason.

Then something out of the corner of his eye made Wile E turn his head to the side, and the color just drained from his body leaving him completely white and dead in his tracks. Oh...there's a bear...drinking tea with a bunch of birds...but still a big bear...okay, probably in my best interests right now to start leaving.

Fortunately the old grizzly didn't seem to have noticed the coyote's presence, an advantage which Wile E was sure to make good use of as he made his quiet retreat back to the wooden fence. However, had his eyes not been fixated on the hulking grizzly bear as he was backing up away from the blissfully unaware pony, Wile E could have avoided stepping on the rake behind him.

The coyote felt the wooden handle whack the back of his head before he even realized his mistake, and a second later the world began to spin around him as everything faded to black, the sound of a surprised gasp being the last he heard.

Author's Note

Oh look. That idiot UniqueSKD wrote another worthless chapter. Oh yay. Oh joy. Oh just let me die already.

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Chapter Eight - Well, It's A Free Meal...

The world was a blur as Wile. E's eyes began to slowly open, but he could make out a wooden ceiling through his hazy vision. So at the very least he was assured that he hadn't finally crossed over into the afterlife. Unless the afterlife was just a warm comfy living room like the one he was in, as he slowly sat up on the couch he was laying on.

Uuuuugh...where...where the heck am I now? Wile E thought to himself. His head began to throb, and he tried to raise his arm to try and soothe the pain, only to find it wrapped in a sling. In fact, most of his body was covered in bandages and casts where his injuries were. What the? Where did this come from?

His answer came in the form of a quiet feminine voice. "Oh! You're awake now. Are you feeling any better?"

Wile. E turned his head towards the doorway, as the little yellow pegasus that he had tried - and failed - to sneak up on earlier walked into the room. On her back, there was a tray holding a plate of bread slices and a bowl of some sort of soupy concoction. She had a sweet and kind smile on her face as she approached the coyote and knelled down near a small table in front of him, allowing the tray of food to slide from her back and onto the table, Wile. E's eyebrow raised all the while.

The pegasus turned to look at Wile. E, stilling sporting her smile. "Are you feeling any better now, big guy?" she asked in the sort of voice a mother would put on when conversing with a baby. "You had quite a nasty bump on your head. You should stay here and rest for a while until you're feeling better. Would you like your pillows fluffing? Some soft cozy blankets or anything, Mr Coyote?"

Wile. E just frowned, not at all liking the way this would-have-been-dinner winged horse was talking to him. She spoke to him as if she were a mother talking down to a child, and Wile. E did not appreciate it at all. However, the smell of the soup wafted towards his nose, and as he caught its scent, his stomach began to grumble as a reminder of his hunger, and his mouth began to salivate in turn. He looked down at the food on the table for a moment, and then back to the mare, who noted his questioning face.

"Oh, it's just a bowl of plain old tomato soup I keep on hoof," she explained while still wearing her cheery smile. "If it's not your sort of thing, I can have a look around for something else that you might like if you want." Wile. E looked down at the tomato soup, then back to the pegasus, before taking the spoon and scooping up some of the fluid. Eyeing the smiling horse one last time, the coyote put his lips to the spoon and slurped some of the soup.

The taste struck him like an ACME anvil dropped from a thousand feet above. It was wonderful. Wile. E threw his spoon aside and quickly bought the bowl to his mouth, downing the rest of its content in one gulp. Smacking his lips, he held the now empty bowl to the surprised pegasus, looking at her with pleading puppy eyes.

It took a second for the pony to register what he wanted, "Oh, would you like some more tomato soup, Mr Coyote?" she asked sweetly. Wile. E nodded his head furiously in response. The pony giggled and took the bowl into her hooves. "You're an excitable one, aren't you? Okay then, another serving coming right up then!"

Wile. E gave a toothy grin as the little pony fluttered into the next room. Stretching out his arms, he relaxed himself into the couch with a smile. Well, I suppose things worked out well after all. Seeing how this strange horse with the butterfly butt is so willing to give me food for nothing, I think I can put catching that blasted bird on hold for a little while...

Author's Note

Looks like things are looking up for ol' Wile. E now, eh? It's a shame someone's going to spoil everything for him in the next chapter.

Chapter Nine - Surprise, Wile. E!

Rainbow Dash slowly began to stir, the leaves piled up on top of her falling off as she brought her hooves up to her temples in response to the throbbing feeling. "Uh...oh mane...why does my head feel like it does after Free Cider Day at Applejack's farm?", she groaned as she sat up, more leaves falling off of her.

She winced as her hoof brushed against what felt like a pretty nasty bump. "Ouch! Wow, that stings! What in the hay happened to me?" She tapped her chin and tried to remember the events that transpired prior. It was then that her eyes meandered over to the large indentation in the trunk of the tree near to her, the shape resembling vaguely that of a pony's head. Her head to more precise.

"Oh yeah," she murmured, suddenly recalling her race against the strange speedy bird from earlier. "I just hope nopony finds out about me crashing into a tree or I'll be the laughing stock of Ponyville for the next week. Talking of Ponyville..." She got up from the ground and back onto her hooves, "I think it might be time to head back home. I just hope no threats to Equestria happened while I was out." Rainbow Dash unfurled her wings and took off into the air, soaring through the trees.

While flying through the sky on her way back to town, Rainbow Dash saw Fluttershy's cottage not too far away from where she was. She noticed there was smoke coming from the chimney, an obvious indication that the animal loving pegasus was in. Deciding there would probably be nothing much to do back in town anyway, Rainbow Dash altered her course and headed for her friend's home to see how she was doing.

Arriving at Fluttershy's home, Rainbow Dash gently landed on the path outside and folded her wings as she walked up to the front door of the cottage. As she approached the front door, she saw something at the open window. Moving a little closer to the window, she saw that it was a pair of long thin furry ears. Ducking down underneath the window sill, Rainbow Dash's face lit up with a mischievous smile as she rubbed her hooves together.

I knew it! I just knew that Fluttershy played dress-up with her animal buddies when nopony was around! Oh, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to catch her in the act, and I am so not going to let this slide! I'll just stick my head through the window and surprise her.

"Here you go, Mr Coyote! Another bowl of lovely, tasty tomato soup for you!" Fluttershy hummed, as she fluttered into the living room with another tray of tomato soup and a plate of bread on it. "Are you almost done with your other bowl, yet?"

The sound of a belch, and the sight of a grinning coyote sitting upright on her sofa, placing a now empty bowl on top of a stack of other empty bowls at the side of him, answered her question.

"I made this one extra special," Fluttershy said, as she presented the soup bowl to Wile.E, who took it eagerly. "I've added some really nice herbs to this bowl to give it a different flavor. I hope you like it."

Wile. E lifted the bowl to his nose and took a sniff. His lips into a wide smile as the smell of heaven wafted into his nostrils. Fluttershy couldn't help but let out a little giggle at the coyote's funny smile. Never before had a furry guest to her home ever enjoyed her hospitality, let alone simple and basic food, as much as this coyote.

But she also felt a great deal of sympathy for the poor creature as well. How incredibly skinny the unfortunate thing was. Hungry enough that it's appetite had still not been satiated even after - what would this be now, it's twelfth helping of soup now? And so many bruises all over its body; some old, some new. Where did he come from? Had he been around for long? Was he far from home?

Well, whatever the case, she was willing to let him stay for as long as he needed to, until he was ready to leave.

Something tugged at Fluttershy's tail. She turned her head to see what it was. Angel, her pet bunny, looked back at her not looking at all happy, tapping its foot impatiently and pointing to its mouth.

"Oh, Angel. You already ate a few minutes ago. You can't be hungry already," Flutterhy said. Angel scowled, and jumped up and down in a tantrum.

"That's enough, Angel! I'll get you a snack, but only after I've taken care of our new friend, okay?"

Angel pouted and turned away, folding his arms. Fluttershy rolled her eyes with a sigh, and turned back to Wile. E. He brought the the edge of the bowl to his mouth and sipped the contents, savoring the added flavor. It was wonderful.

"So?" Fluttershy cocked her head, slightly nervous. "Do you like it?"

Before Wile. E could respond, there were wild squawking noises from the backyard, through the kitchen. Wile. E and Fluttershy turned her heads in the direction the noises were coming from, Fluttershy letting out a little gasp a moment later.

"Oh dear. Elizabeth must be squabbling with her sisters again. I really don't know what's up with her lately," she sighed. She turned back to Wile. E. "I'll just be gone for a moment or two, okay? So, um, just hold that answer for a second, alright?" She quickly turned around and hurried out of the living room, leaving Wile. E alone with his soup.

Shrugging his shoulders, he took another sip of his warm soup. Whatever the strange little winged pony had added to it, it had made it ten times tastier than the last twenty helpings he had been given. Wile. E held his soup bowl in one hand and brought his other hand behind his head, crossing one leg over the other as he relaxed into the soft comfy sofa. This is the best thing to ever happen. No more running through deserts. No more living in caves or cactus patches. And best of all; free food and shelter!

Wile. E then noticed Angel standing on of the little living room table, glaring at him. Wile. E blinked a couple of times, and then narrowed his eyes. He moved his hand from behind his head towards Angel, and with a flick of a finger, knocked the startled bunny off the table and across the floor, hitting the wall with a soft thump.

I know rabbits who are more bothersome than a little thing like you, Wile. E snickered. Well, ONE rabbit anyway. But there's not going to be any bother from here on. Wile. E slowly brought his soup bowl close to his lips. Nothing is going to spoil this for me. No Roadrunner. No bunny rabbit. Nothing whatsoev -

"HEY, FLUTTERSHY!!!"

Chapter Ten - Aaaaaand Wile's 'Happy Place' is gone...

Wile. E's eyes widened to the yelling from the open window behind him. Startled, he threw his soup bowl and shot high into the air with a loud yelp. His head smacked against the ceiling with a loud THUD, and he plummeted back down, head first again upon the floor. He stood upright, head on the ground and legs in in the air for a few seconds, before toppling over and landing flat on his back.

Rainbow Dash burst out into hysterical laughter, her head hanging over the window sill as she pounded on the frame. Moments later, she wiped a tear from her eye as her laughter subsided into childish chuckles. "Oh mane! That was hilarious, Fluttershy! Ha ha ha!" Rainbow Dash chortled, wiping a tear from her eye. "Oh wow! I really got you good there, didn't I? Ha ha ha! But hey; no hard feelings right, Fluttershy?"

Wile. E sat up, snarling and baring his sharp teeth as he massaged the large bump on his noggin. His eyes fell upon the pony laughing at him from the window. Looking at one another face to face, Rainbow Dash gasped and her eyes went wide in shock. "Wait...you're not Fluttershy!"

Oh, how very observant of you, Wile. E thought as he began to rise from the floor. But as he was about to get up, the bowl of tomato soup he had flung into the air suddenly decided to land on his crotch. Upside-down. Spilling the soupy contents on to him. As it was still very warm.

Wile. E's eyes widened, his pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks. He felt a tremendous burning pain all over him, though mostly in his crotch area. A horrible inappropriate word began to form in his throat, and he quickly cupped his hands over his mouth, not wanting to utter it in case children were reading the story.

Still at the window watching the scene playing out before her, Rainbow Dash winced at the awkward sight. "Ooooh, that looks really painful." Her eyes shifted left to right nervously, unsure what she should do next. "Um...I think I'm just gonna go now", she said with a nervous chuckle, and with that she disappeared from the window.

By the second, the profanity made its way to Wile. E's mouth, demanding to be released and be heard by anyone around to hear it. Wile. E tried his best to hold it back, to resist the urge to utter such a word. But try as he did, the scalding pain in his nether regions proved too much for the poor coyote. And Fluttershy chose that moment to reenter the living room.

"Okay, I'm back Mr Coyote. So, um, what did you think of the special ingredient I added to your last bowl?"

Unable to hold it back any longer, the coyote's hands slipped from his snout, and he replied very loudly. "FFFFFFFFU - !!!"

The front door of Fluttershy's cottage swung wide open, and Wile. E was hurled outside before it had even opened fully. He went face first into some wooden post with a thud, and landed on the ground in a dazed heap. In the doorway appeared Fluttershy, looking very angry. Absolutely livid even, her eyes giving the Stare and her wings flared out in a threatening manner.

"If you didn't like the special touch I made to your soup, you should have just said so!" Fluttershy exclaimed sternly. "How dare you scream such a horrible vulgar word in my face! And how double dare you frighten poor Angel Bunny with your shouting!" On cue, the white rabbit peeked out from behind Fluttershy's mane, shivering and with a scared look on his face.

Fluttershy turned her head away from the coyote. "You should go and think about what you've done, mister Coyote," Fluttershy said, visibly hurt and upset.

As Wile. E came to his senses and looked towards Fluttershy, who already was stepping back into the cottage, he saw Angel Bunny smiling wickedly at him and sticking his tongue out at the poor coyote. Wile. E pulled himself to his feet and ran to the door, but it closed on him before he could reach it in time. A locking sound was heard from the other side.

No! Wait! Hold on! Wile. E cried, pawing at the wooden door. No, no no no no! Let me back in, yellow flying horse! This was becoming my happy place! Please! He banged against the door furiously. I didn't even finish the soup! The lovely delicious wonderful soup!

Any and all hope that Wile. E had left of being allowed back into the place he was beginning to call his sanctuary quickly slipped from his grasp. Wile. E sunk to the ground in despair, and started to pound the ground with his fists. It had been right there. It had all been right there for him! He had everything he wanted in his life; He had warmth. He had shelter. He had food. He even had a really cushy sofa to lie. He had it all for just one chapter, and now it was gone forever!

Because of that cyan mare with the weird rainbow hair.

Wile. E stopped his fist mid-air. A moment later he slowly started to sit upright, as the image of that pony laughing at him from the window played itself over and over in his head. Wile. E's face began to contort into a look of rage. Seething rage. There was red in his eyes, and steam blew from out his ears, which suddenly perked upright and assumed a pose similar to curved horns.

That pony...she did this to me! Wile. E stood up and began to stomp angrily away from the cottage. It's all her fault! If I ever see that blasted creature again, I swear I'll make her pay in the worst possible way, once I figure out what that is exactly!

Author's Note

Wile. E's out the house. Rainbow Dash better watch her back now.