Summer

by Darkest Star

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1963

I try to discover what the cause of my internal turmoil is.

Never before have I felt so alone.

Even with all my friends, even through the things we've done, I still sense it. Deep down, a growing sadness, a feeling of failure. I know it's not true. But it feeds by night, when I'm by myself, perched on my balcony, book in hoof. With the cool breeze on my face, and the moon and stars smiling down upon me, I still feel alone.

But tonight? Tonight, I feel awful.

~~~

A one shot quick-write from the perspective of Twilight Sparkle. Truthfully, I was going to make this a romance fic, but I felt that might boil over the eggs, or some terminology like that. If requested enough, I'll make an alternate romance ending.

Published 2015-03-11 02:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-11 02:10:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Summer

By DarkestStar

The last shreds of daylight dimmer below the horizon and a gentle summer breeze sways through my mane as I sit, perching on my wooden balcony, in my wooden treehouse, reading a book. The Divine Comedy by Dante. What an incredible stallion and writer, if I paid attention to the book itself. No, the book serves as a placeholder, an explanation should one be needed. Instead, my focus is on myself, and the battle I'm fighting internally.

I'm sad. No, I'm not sad, that's not the proper explanation. Rather, I'm melancholy. One may ask why I feel so glum, what could possibly put me in such a state. I'm popular, I have several, if not numerous, friends, all of which are close and dear to my heart. I'm strong, magically and mentally, albeit not physically, but I'm certainly able-bodied. I am successful in all my endeavors, with assistance from those close friends. Logically, and statistically, there should be nothing wrong with me. I should be happy, all smiles, not a thing in the world stopping me now. But, I'm not.

I feel alone. Now, again, that's illogical. How can a pony, when surrounded by those who love and care for you, possibly contain within them a sense of isolation? I don't know. I lack true companionship, and not in the romantic sense. An authentic "best" friend, who I can share all of my secrets with. I realize I have nigh on five ponies I can do that with. But it's only been a few years. When I should trust them, I really don't. I feel fear every time it seems like a secret that does not exist is about to be discovered by them. No, I need one pony who can back me through thick and thin, who can be family, a sibling. Not in the protective sense, like my older brother, but rather a twin, somepony who truly knows you. Even then, what I feel may not be cured by that.

It's a bit like walking down a long, dark corridor. You don't know when the light will come on. When the light can swoop in and eradicate the darkness. I guess I'm hoping for a pony to be that light, that makes the sadness dissipate. Truthfully, it's not a matter of depression, but rather an emptiness, something you are incapable of describing well, but everypony knows exactly what you mean. There's some term for it; I believe it's called hypophrenia. What truly skews it, however, is how I feel that everything I've done is for the wrong people. I've vanquished armies for my siblings, my tutors, my friends, but to what gain?

Flapping brings me back to reality. I check the clock on the table behind me. 11:00, it reads. Who would be up at this hour? What pony would want to be-

"Heya, stranger!" A familiar voices interrupts my thoughts. Of course it'd be her, especially at this hour. She's a night owl, alright. I'm surprised though. Most ponies keep to themselves at night. "Hello? Anypony in there?" She raps her hooves against my forehead lightly, as if to catch my attention. I snap my head around to face her. "Hey, sorry. I'm a bit tired."

She giggles. "Yeah, I can imagine. Especially with whatever eggheaded thing you're reading. What is it, anyway?" she picks up my book to investigate. "The Divine Comedy? Ugh, sounds kinda lame. I'll stick to Daring Do, thanks." She drops it back into my lap.

"And that is exactly why I'm reading it." I tease, sticking out my tongue at her, and then quickly darting it back into my mouth. "Anyways, what are you doing up at this hour? I can't imagine the weather team needs you on the night shift, you probably cause enough damage during the day."

She grimaces. "Yeah, well, I have to take a graveyard shift every now and then. Cloud homes really aren't cheap nowadays. Either way, I'm not working now. Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same. You wanna talk?" She nods, and lands next to me, wings tucked neatly into her sides. "So," she asks, slowly, desperately struggling for words, "what's been up with you recently?"

I blanch. The past few days I'd been stowed away, trying to figure out what was going on with me, fighting not to scream with frustration at certain points. Obviously, ponies noticed. "Not much, just been...trying out a new spell, that's all. Yeah, a new spell." Frantically scrambling, I think of something to show her with my magic. I grab a nearby broom and 'accidentally' set it ablaze. "Shoot, it's still not working right." Quickly I grab some water and douse the flames.

She frowns, obviously not believing me. "Look at me." The loneliness sets in, tenfold. She's about to find out. She's going to see right through me, through the mask I wear, going to find out exactly how I feel. After that, she'll tell everyone else. They'll all hate me. They'll never want to stay friends with me. I'll lose it all. Panic begins to set in, and sweat drips down my face. "Look. At. Me" The words are harsher, faster, stronger, emphasized. She's already angry.

I snap. I yell. I'm angry now. "I'm fine, okay! Just, leave me alone! You can't possibly understand what's happen-" I slam a hoof over my mouth, stopping my ferocity mid-shout. She cocks her head to the side, confusion setting in. "What are you talking about? I thought you were trying to hide something, but not like this." She asks, concern obvious. "Talk to me."

Tears drip down my muzzle as I continue to look down and avoid eye contact. "You really wouldn't understand, and I don't mean to sound rude." I stutter, "but you really can't possibly understand. There's no way."

A hoof reaches for my chin and raises my face. I look straight into her ruby eyes. We both blink, and then she speaks, softly. "You know, I'm not always as tough as nails. I'm sure that I can help you through whatever you're feeling. You just need to talk."

"It's incredibly stupid," I choke out. She cuts me off with a hug, strongly gripping me and not letting go. After a few minutes, she leans back, with my tears under control again. "It's not stupid. You can tell me anything, remember? I'm kinda the Element of Loyalty for a reason, duh." She smirks for a second, then goes back to being serious. "But you really need to tell me what's happening so that I can help."

"I...I feel this emptiness. Inside me, no, surrounding my entire being. It's like a black hole, sucking away at my happiness. It's impossible to stop, and all it does is suck and suck and suck, even when there's nothing left. It leaves me with a loneliness, something truly inexplicable, where I know you guys are always there for me, but it's not enough. It makes me want more, to have someone who has always got my back, no matter what."

"But don't we already do that for you? And what do you mean by more? A coltfriend?"

"No, not a coltfriend. An absolute "best" friend, someone who I'd consider a twin, who goes through thick and thin with me, no matter what the cost. Yeah, you and the others already do something similar to that, and it's a real help. I love you girls, don't get me wrong. But still, the emptiness and loneliness make it feel pointless."

"Riddle me something. Saving your brother from those Changelings, was that pointless?"

"No, but-" Another hoof is thrown up. "Let me finish. What about Nightmare Moon, when we all first meet, was that pointless?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Fighting Discord?"

"No."

"Trixie?"

"Definitely not."

"Do you see what I'm getting at here?"

"No, not really."

"The thing is, there's no such thing as enough. We're ponies, we're not perfect creatures. We'll always want something more, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. But we have to accept that what we have is incredible, and love every second of our lives. Make the most of what's there. Sure, there will be some places where we slip up and may lose some things, but we have to keep smiling. The only way to face our fears, deep down or more obvious, is face first, and not beat around the bush."

"That was...incredibly astute of you."

"Thanks. Oh, and one other thing."

"Go on." I'm smiling now. She's actually making a lot of sense.

"Ignore that feeling of loneliness when it shows up. Now that makes absolutely no sense, but I want you to come to one of us should it show up again. We'll all, guaranteed, give you the same answer in some way. That's why we're all your 'absolute' best friends. We are sisters to you. We've been through that thick and thin that you've talked about. There's absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, that you can hit us with that will make us hate you. We've all been through too much together for that to happen."

I stand up, mouth trembling. "You're right. Thanks." I burst into a massive smile, tears streaming down my face, and wrap her in a huge embrace.

"Hey, hey, hey, I didn't say you could hug-" I squeeze tighter, cutting her off mid-sentence. After a few seconds of just sitting there, she reaches her forelegs around my back and holds me as tight as I her. We continue in this way for a few minutes, just holding each other and cherishing the warmth in the cool nighttime of the summer.

Eventually, we both let go, and she looks down at the clock. "Darn, it's almost midnight. I gotta run, got an early shift in the morning. We done with all this sappy stuff, or am I not allowed to go back to being awesome yet?"

I laugh, deeply and happily. "No, you're more than free to go. You've been a huge help. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, definitely. Hey, quote of the day, night, whatever. Just cause you're awake doesn't mean you can't dream, huh?"

I continue laughing. "You have been incredibly smart for the past half hour, and I am decently surprised." She makes a face, then turns to jump off the balcony.

"Wait, one more thing." I call out, just as she's about to leap. She turns around. "Yeah, whaddya need?"

I smile widely. "Thanks, Rainbow Dash."

She smiles right back. "You're welcome, Twilight Sparkle." And with that, she promptly spins around, leapt off my balcony, and flew away into the night.

I sighed, and picked up my book. Dante could wait for another time. Now, I need to sleep. Just before I stepped inside, I looked up to the sky once more. No longer did the moon and stars seem to be mocking me, but rather the black night sky was being beat back by the brightness and joy of them. The trees swayed slowly, pendulum-like, as the breeze continued to gush through the town. The summer air was cool, but smelled fresh, and new. I smiled again, this time looking towards the fading shadow of my friend. "Every summer has a story." I murmur to myself, and step inside, closing the small wooden door behind me.

Author's Note

Well. That was a thing. Like I said, I don't expect much. I wrote this expecting very little, but the words just kept pouring out.

Keep in mind that you can't always Rambo your way through life, you're going to snap at some point. Always bring backup.

If you see anything I need to fix, feel more than free to comment below.