The shadow of the funny fart
Warning: This is a parody of My Little Pony fan fictions and is not to be taken seriously in any sense of the word. If you are offended by any of the following: Sexual references, foul language, or general defication on the good name of Fan ficition, than this may not be for you. If you choose to brave the darkest depths of MlP:FIM, please enjoy and may god have mercy on your soul.
Flick was flying around in the sky but something was wrong. He sensed bad stuff in the molecules. His horn tingled and his hooves shook with it. I t was a bad. Although the sky was clear it still seemed bad. He went to his friend chris' house because the storyline told him to but chris was a dead person.
"Oh no chris is deaded! "" He yelled . His face was not mostly there and he didn't know why, but he suspected that it had something to do with the fact that he had taped a feral bobcat to his nose as a mustache.
That was a bad idea (Much like this story that I am beginning to regret.) He yells at the top of his lungs " OH NO THIS IS BAD I HOPE I CAN FIND THE KILLER BEFORE IT TAKES ANOTHER LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(He was yelling pretty loudly, if you couldn't already tell.)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he flflew to his other friends house.
He knocked on the door but the guy there was all like "GGO AWAY FUCKTARD!" But then she realizes that its Flicky McFluttershush like the coolest alicorn* he went inside and saw that rainbow dash's house was still like completely covered in semen from the last time he was there. Then they fucked for like 12 hours because flicky is awesome (Actually it was more like 30 seconds because Rainbow Dash has one hell of a hoof job.)
After a while they decided that they needed to find the killer or something, but flicky needed a drink of water first because he had lost a lot of bodily fluids. But then they left because the bobcat had gotten away and it was actually chrysalis... or something.
But then, Oh no! bad changelings were at canterlot because, why not! but the mane six were like in rehab, so Flicky had to save it on his own. And he kicked ass. the changilinngiigins were all like,"Oh no! we are Deaded. WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!!!
AND THEn Flicky was like all up in fluttershys va-jay-jay and , uhhhh, the end! But it wasn't because this story only has 367 words and i need 1000! sooo, uhh. shit.
And then Flicky was in the illuminati and did some mysterious shit in the pentagon and started world war three to kill off the weaklings. Then he played call of dooty. Then he went to the grocery store. then he ate carrots because they had vitamins and stuff thats good for his massive dick (I'm beginning to think that this guy is a massive dick.) And he is really sexy and every body likes him. The end......
God Damn It! who the fuck do you think I am Fimfiction.com? Steven Hawking? I can't write books! 397 is the best goddamn job I can do! here have some wikipedia:
effects of inflation include an increase in the opportunity cost of holding money, uncertainty over future inflation which may discourage investment and savings, and if inflation were rapid enough, shortages of goods as consumers begin hoarding out of concern that prices will increase in the future. Positive effects include ensuring that central banks can adjust real interest rates (to mitigate recessions),[5] and encouraging investment in non-monetary capital projects.
Economists generally believe that high rates of inflation and hyperinflation are caused by an excessive growth of the money supply.[6] However, money supply growth does not necessarily cause inflation. Some economists maintain that under the conditions of a liquidity trap, large monetary injections are like "pushing on a string".[7][8] Views on which factors determine low to moderate rates of inflation are more varied. Low or moderate inflation may be attributed to fluctuations in real demand for goods and services, or changes in available supplies such as during scarcities.[9] However, the consensus view is that a long sustained period of inflation is caused by money supply growing faster than the rate of economic growth.[10][11]
Today, most economists favor a low and steady rate of inflation.[12] Low (as opposed to zero or negative) inflation reduces the severity of economic recessions by enabling the labor market to adjust more quickly in a downturn, and reduces the risk that a liquidity trap prevents monetary policy from stabilizing the economy.[13] If you actually read this you probably have some issues and need a doctor, otherwise I salute you.The task of keeping the rate of inflation low and stable is usually given to monetary authorities. Generally, these monetary authorities are the central banks that control monetary policy through the setting of interest rates, through open market operations, and through the setting of banking reserve requirements.[14]
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FUCK! Seriously? only 807!?! THATS BULLSHIT! STORY, you are officially AN ASSHOLE! Any way, Flicky Then had a kid with just about everybody and now lives a happy life as a father of 112 children. But that wasn't the end. The people at PETA were greatly disturbed by the grossly exaggerated form of childbirth and equine pregnancy so heres an article about horse mating:
The male parent of a horse, a stallion, is commonly known as the sire and the female parent, the mare, is called the dam. Both are genetically important, as each parent provides half of the genetic makeup of the ensuing offspring, called a foal. (Contrary to popular misuse, the word "colt" refers to a young male horse only; "filly" is a young female.) Though many horse owners may simply breed a family mare to a local stallion in order to produce a companion animal, most professional breeders use selective breeding to produce individuals of a given phenotype, or breed. Alternatively, a breeder could, using individuals of differing phenotypes, create a new breed with specific characteristics.
A horse is "bred" where it is foaled (born). Thus a foal conceived in England but foaled in the United States is regarded as being bred in the US.[1][2] In some cases, most notably in the Thoroughbred breeding industry, American- and Canadian-bred horses may also be described by the state or province in which they are foaled. Some breeds denote the country, or state, where conception took place as the origin of the foal.[citation needed]
Similarly, the "breeder", is the person who owned or leased the mare at the time of foaling. That individual may not have had anything to do with the mating of the mare.[1][3] It's important to review each breed registry's rules to determine which applies to any specific foal.
In the horse breeding industry, the term "half-brother" or "half-sister" only describes horses which have the same dam, but different sires.[4] Horses with the same sire but different dams are simply said to be "by the same sire", and no sibling relationship is implied.[5] "Full" (or "own") siblings have both the same dam and the same sire. The terms paternal half-sibling, and maternal half-sibling are also often used. Three-quarter siblings are horses out of the same dam, and are by sires that are either half-brothers (i.e. same dam) or who are by the same sire.[6]
Thoroughbreds and Arabians are also classified through the "distaff" or direct female line, known as their "family" or "tail female" line, tracing back to their taproot foundation bloodstock or the beginning of their respective stud books. The female line of descent always appears at the bottom of a tabulated pedigree and is therefore often known as the bottom line.[6] In addition, the maternal grandfather of a horse has a special term: damsire.
"Linebreeding" technically is the duplication of fourth generation or more distant ancestors.[5] However, the term is often used more loosely, describing horses with duplication of ancestors closer than the fourth generation. It also is sometimes used as a euphemism for the practice of inbreeding, a practice that is generally frowned upon by horse breeders, though used by some in an attempt to fix certain traits.
Estrous cycle of the mare[edit]
See also: Horse anatomy § Reproductive system
Stallion checking a mare in estrus. The mare welcomes the stallion by lowering her rear and lifting her tail.
The estrous cycle (also spelled oestrous) controls when a mare is sexually receptive toward a stallion, and helps to physically prepare the mare for conception. It generally occurs during the spring and summer months, although some mares may be sexually receptive into the late fall, and is controlled by the photoperiod (length of the day), the cycle first triggered when the days begin to lengthen. The estrous cycle lasts about 19–22 days, with the average being 21 days. As the days shorten, the mare returns to a period when she is not sexually receptive, known as anestrus. Anestrus - occurring in the majority of, but not all, mares - prevents the mare from conceiving in the winter months, as that would result in her foaling during the harshest part of the year, a time when it would be most difficult for the foal to survive.
This cycle contains 2 phases:
Estrus, or Follicular, phase: 5–7 days in length, when the mare is sexually receptive to a stallion. Estrogen is secreted by the follicle. Ovulation occurs in the final 24–48 hours of estrus.
Diestrus, or Luteal, phase: 14–15 days in length, the mare is not sexually receptive to the stallion. The corpus luteum secretes progesterone.
Depending on breed, on average, 16% of mares have double ovulations, allowing them to twin, though this does not affect the length of time of estrus or diestrus.
Effects on the reproductive system during the estrous cycle[edit]
Changes in hormone levels can have great effects on the physical characteristics of the reproductive organs of the mare, thereby preparing, or preventing, her from conceiving.
Uterus: increased levels of estrogen during estrus cause edema within the uterus, making it feel heavier, and the uterus loses its tone. This edema decreases following ovulation, and the muscular tone increases. High levels of progesterone do not cause edema within the uterus. The uterus becomes flaccid during anestrus.
Cervix: the cervix starts to relax right before estrus occurs, with maximal relaxation around the time of ovulation. The secretions of the cervix increase. High progesterone levels (during diestrus) cause the cervix to close and become toned.
Vagina: the portion of the vagina near the cervix becomes engorged with blood right before estrus. The vagina becomes relaxed and secretions increase.
Vulva: relaxes right before estrus begins. Becomes dry, and closes more tightly, during diestrus.
Hormones involved in the estrous cycle, during foaling, and after birth[edit]
The cycle is controlled by several hormones which regulate the estrous cycle, the mare's behavior, and the reproductive system of the mare. The cycle begins when the increased day length causes the pineal gland to reduce the levels of melatonin, thereby allowing the hypothalamus to secrete GnRH.
GnRH (Gonadotropin releasing hormone): secreted by the hypothalamus, causes the pituitary to release two gonadotrophins: LH and FSH.
LH (Luteinizing hormone): levels are highest 2 days following ovulation, then slowly decrease over 4–5 days, dipping to their lowest levels 5–16 days after ovulation. Stimulates maturation of the follicle, which then in turn secretes estrogen. Unlike most mammals, the mare does not have an increase of LH right before ovulation.
FSH (Follicle-stimulating hormone): secreted by the pituitary, causes the ovarian follicle to develop. Levels of FSH rise slightly at the end of estrus, but have their highest peak about 10 days before the next ovulation. FSH is inhibited by inhibin (see below), at the same time LH and estrogen levels rise, which prevents immature follicles from continuing their growth. Mares may however have multiple FSH waves during a single estrous cycle, and diestrus follicles resulting from a diestrus FSH wave are not uncommon, particularly in the height of the natural breeding season.
Estrogen: secreted by the developing follicle, it causes the pituitary gland to secrete more LH (therefore, these 2 hormones are in a positive feedback loop). Additionally, it causes behavioral changes in the mare, making her more receptive toward the stallion, and causes physical changes in the cervix, uterus, and vagina to prepare the mare for conception (see above). Estrogen peaks 1–2 days before ovulation, and decreases within 2 days following ovulation.
Inhibin: secreted by the developed follicle right before ovulation, "turns off" FSH, which is no longer needed now that the follicle is larger.
Progesterone: prevents conception and decreases sexual receptibility of the mare to the stallion. Progesterone is therefore lowest during the estrus phase, and increases during diestrus. It decreases 12–15 days after ovulation, when the corpus luteum begins to decrease in size.
Prostaglandin: secreted by the endrometrium 13–15 days following ovulation, causes luteolysis and prevents the corpus luteum from secreting progesterone
eCG - equine chorionic gonadotropin - (also called PMSG (pregnant mare serum gonadotropin): chorionic gonadotropins secreted if the mare conceives. First secreted by the endometrial cups around the 36th day of gestation, peaking around day 60, and decreasing after about 120 days of gestation. Also help to stimulate the growth of the fetal gonads.
Prolactin: stimulates lactation
Oxytocin: stimulates the uterus to contract
Breeding and gestation[edit]
While horses in the wild mate and foal in mid to late spring, in the case of horses domestically bred for competitive purposes, especially horse racing and various futurities, it is desirable that they be born as close to January 1 in the northern hemisphere or August 1 in the southern hemisphere as possible,[7] so as to be at an advantage in size and maturity when competing against other horses in the same age group. When an early foal is desired, barn managers will put the mare "under lights" by keeping the barn lights on in the winter to simulate a longer day, thus bringing the mare into estrus sooner than she would in nature. Mares signal estrus and ovulation by urination in the presence of a stallion, raising the tail and revealing the vulva. A stallion, approaching with a high head, will usually nicker, nip and nudge the mare, as well as sniff her urine to determine her readiness for mating.
Once fertilized, the oocyte (egg) remains in the oviduct for approximately 5.5 more days, and then descends into the uterus. The initial single cell combination is already dividing and by the time of entry into the uterus, the egg might have already reached the blastocyst stage.
The gestation period lasts for about eleven months, or about 340 days (normal average range 320–370 days). During the early days of pregnancy, the conceptus is mobile, moving about in the uterus until about day 16 when "fixation" occurs. Shortly after fixation, the embryo proper (so called up to about 35 days) will become visible on trans-rectal ultrasound (about day 21) and a heartbeat should be visible by about day 23. After the formation of the endometrial cups and early placentation is initiated (35–40 days of gestation) the terminology changes, and the embryo is referred to as a fetus. True implantation - invasion into the endometrium of any sort - does not occur until about day 35 of pregnancy with the formation of the endometrial cups, and true placentation (formation of the placenta) is not initiated until about day 40-45 and not completed until about 140 days of pregnancy. The fetus sex can be determined by day 70 of the gestation using ultrasound. Halfway through gestation the fetus is the size of between a rabbit and a beagle. The most dramatic fetal development occurs in the last 3 months of pregnancy when 60% of fetal growth occurs.
Colts are carried on average about 4 days longer than fillies.[8]
Care of the pregnant mare[edit]
Domestic mares receive specific care and nutrition to ensure that they and their foals are healthy. Mares are given vaccinations against diseases such as the Rhinopneumonitis (EHV-1) virus (which can cause abortions) as well as vaccines for other conditions that may occur in a given region of the world. Pre-foaling vaccines are recommended 4–6 weeks prior to foaling to maximize the immunoglobulin content of the colostrum in the first milk.[9] Mares are dewormed a few weeks prior to foaling, as the mare is the primary source of parasites for the foal.[10]
Mares can be used for riding or driving during most of their pregnancy. Exercise is healthy, though should be moderated when a mare is heavily in foal.[citation needed] Exercise in excessively high temperatures has been suggested as being detrimental to pregnancy maintenance during the embryonic period;[11] however ambient temperatures encountered during the research were in the region of 100 degrees F and the same results may not be encountered in regions with lower ambient temperatures.[original research?]
During the first several months of pregnancy, the nutritional requirements do not increase significantly since the rate of growth of the fetus is very slow. However, during this time, the mare may be provided supplemental vitamins and minerals, particularly if forage quality is questionable. During the last 3–4 months of gestation, rapid growth of the fetus increases the mare's nutritional requirements. Energy requirements during these last few months, and during the first few months of lactation are similar to those of a horse in full training. Trace minerals such as copper are extremely important, particularly during the tenth month of pregnancy, for proper skeletal formation.[12] Many feeds designed for pregnant and lactating mares provide the careful balance required of increased protein, increased calories through extra fat as well as vitamins and minerals. Overfeeding the pregnant mare, particularly during early gestation, should be avoided, as excess weight may contribute to difficulties foaling or fetal/foal related problems.
Foaling[edit]
A mare in the early stages of labor
Mares due to foal are usually separated from other horses, both for the benefit of the mare and the safety of the soon-to-be-delivered foal. In addition, separation allows the mare to be monitored more closely by humans for any problems that may occur while giving birth. In the northern hemisphere a special foaling stall that is large and clutter free is frequently used, particularly by major breeding farms. Originally, this was due in part to a need for protection from the harsh winter climate present when mares foal early in the year, but even in moderate climates, such as Florida, foaling stalls are still common because they allow closer monitoring of mares. Smaller breeders often use a small pen with a large shed for foaling, or they may remove a wall between two box stalls in a small barn to make a large stall. In the milder climates seen in much of the southern hemisphere, most mares foal outside, often in a paddock[13][14] built specifically for foaling, especially on the larger stud farms.[15] Many stud farms worldwide employ technology to alert human managers when the mare is about to foal, including webcams, closed-circuit television, or assorted types of devices that alert a handler via a remote alarm when a mare lies down in a position to foal.
On the other hand, some breeders, particularly those in remote areas or with extremely large numbers of horses, may allow mares to foal out in a field amongst a herd, but may also see higher rates of foal and mare mortality in doing so.
Most mares foal at night or early in the morning, and prefer to give birth alone when possible. Labor is rapid, often no more than 30 minutes, and from the time the feet of the foal appear to full delivery is often only about 15 to 20 minutes. Seriously, stop reading these. Didn't you get the hint? Once the foal is born, the mare will lick the newborn foal to clean it and help blood circulation. In a very short time, the foal will attempt to stand and get milk from its mother. A foal should stand and nurse within the first hour of life.
To create a bond with her foal, the mare licks and nuzzles the foal, enabling her to distinguish the foal from others. Some mares are aggressive when protecting their foals, and may attack other horses or unfamiliar humans that come near their newborns.
After birth, a foal's navel is dipped in antiseptic to prevent infection, it is sometimes given an enema to help clear the meconium from its digestive tract, and the newborn is monitored to ensure that it stands and nurses without difficulty. While most horse births happen without complications, many owners have first aid supplies prepared and a veterinarian on call in case of a birthing emergency. People who supervise foaling should also watch the mare to be sure that she passes the placenta in a timely fashion, and that it is complete with no fragments remaining in the uterus, where retained fetal membranes could cause a serious inflammatory condition (endometritis) and/or infection. If the placenta is not removed from the stall after it is passed, a mare will often eat it, an instinct from the wild, where blood would attract predators.
Finally, I can post my fic so I can feel self staffed. Leave likes or I will kill you. Thanks!
