The story of Jack

I woke up expecting to be in my room, but instead I woke up in a fucking gingerbread house. Now I'm ok with waking up in food, just not something you can't eat.

Pinkie came out a little bit later and I had a very important question to ask her. "Pinkie"

"Hm."

"You can bake extraordinary things, but you live in a gingerbread house not made of gingerbread, why."

"Well it's not actually mine it's the cakes, but how cool would it be if it were real ginger bread."

"See my point. Well, I'm hungry. Can't visit royalty on an empty stomach now can we."

Pinkie gave me a confused look then asked "when you say we do you mean you and me or are you saying it like princess Luna does."

I decided to give it some thought, then answered her "well I was referring to me and the voices in my head, but if you want to be included you can."

"Thanks, I really liked being included in things." She started for the door but before going inside she turned to me and said "breakfast is ready if want any, I made pancakes."

"pancakes?"

I ran inside where pinkie was waiting with a giant stack of pancakes.

After eating twilight came over and told me that the train to canterlot would be leaving soon and that princess celestia couldn't wait to see me, which confused me, no one's ever happy to see me. Oh well first time for every thing.

A few hours later we borded the train and left. After a few minutes of being on the train I fell asleep. I was awoken once canterlot was insight. It was awesome, a city built into a mountain. A fucking MOUNTAIN. I mean seriously, how structurally sound is that. What if a really fat pony went up there and broke it. Like it just fell of the fucking side or some shit.

"Are you okay." twilight said, obviously noticing my jaw drop.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little shocked I guess."

Twilight had her pet dragon spike with her. I had met spike earlier that day just before boarding the train. And all you guys need to know is I screamed like a bitch.

Know the dragon part was wired. What was even weirder is when he burped out a scroll.

"You've got mail" I said in a mechanic tone.

Twilight just rolled her eyes and read the scroll. After a few seconds her eyes went wide. "My brother, shining armor, is getting married. Girls my brother invited us to his wedding." Twilight shouted with joy.

"I have two questions. First, can I come. And second, will there be cake." I asked.

Pinkie jumped up and shouted "Of course you can come, and it isn't a wedding without cake."

I looked at her skeptically "The last time I was promised cake the cake was a lie."

Pinkie looked at me with a shocked expression "That's terrible."

"Yeah, I know, portal's a dick."

We had finally arrived at the train station. As we got off we were welcomed by armed guards. LOTS of armed guards. One of the guards was not armed. He wore purple armor, had a white coat, and a blue mane. "Twily" he exclaimed. Twilight ran up and gave him a hug "shining I missed you so much" she squeed.

Finally I had stepped up to get a better look at him. "Sup".

"What's that!" he exclaimed.

Twilight explained to him that I was a creature from a different universe and was here to all to the princesses. It didn't help. But the look on his, priceless.

We continued through canterlot many of the ponies staring and/or cowering. Seriously, are these guys a punch of pussies, or do the ponies in ponyville just not care. I mean, really, they just smiled and waved and these guys were acting like I was an alien or something... Don't pay attention to that previous statement. As we made our way to the castle I couldn't help but notice everyone being on edge. I also couldn't help but notice that all the guards we were seeing were white. "Hey twilight, are all the guards the same color."

"I don't think so. But I think celestia does put a spell on them so they look alike." Twilight said.

"Oh" was I my reply.

We had finally made it to the castle. It felt like hours. Yeah sure it was only a few minutes, but felt like hours to me. As we approached I started to feel nervous. Which is weird for me because I don't usually get nervous.

We walked in to the castle, and there in the throne was the largest pony I had ever seen. Prices celestia was a very tall, beautifully white alicorn with a technicolored mane that flowed like pure ether. She also had a sun on her ass.

"Hello, princess." I said getting into a bow. "My name is link. Here is the tri force." Everyone looked at me, highly confused. "'Twas, but a joke. My name is jack and it is wonderful meeting you."

She smiled at me "Hello jack, it is a pleasure meeting you as well. It's rare meeting an alien."

"Well if you want to keep out aliens the best thing to do is build a wall." Was my reply

"Ok." Is all she could say to it. "Will you be joining us at shining armor and cadences wedding."

Twilight nearly blew my ear drums out." Shining is marrying cadence!."

"Yes did you not get his letter."

"I did but I didn't get yo read all of it." Said twilight.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, no excuses missy, you just didn't read it." I replied.

"You all should get some rest. Guard, would you please show them to the gest room." Celestia said before taking a sip of tea she would soon regret taking sip of.

"Ah, finally, some rest. Good evening sun butt." I said before leaving the room, and as I did so, I heard the unmistakable sound of a spit take.