Twilight Sparkle Vs. Swag Master

It was a dark night in Canterlot. All the ponies were asleep, or, at least, going to sleep. Silence was bestowed upon the entire city. Minus the bugs and night creatures that chirped merrily in the night. Some would say it was the most peaceful night anypony had ever experienced. The sky had a beautiful shine coming from a blue moon that night. A gift that could only be given by Princess Luna herself. Suddenly the silence was broken by a shrill scream coming from the Canterlot Castle!

Quickly royal guards rushed into the master bedroom where the scream originated. The guards discovered a pained looking Princess Celestia on the ground. This time she muffled the scream so that no one else became worried. One of the guards took off his helmet so he could assess the situation better. His name was Sharp Sword and he knew that he needed to help immediately. As he took off his helmet his mane unfurled down his neck. His locks were so well cared for that it was practically lighting the darkness of the night.

“Princess! What’s wrong?” He approached her as his partner stayed behind.

The Princess just now realized they were there; she let a surprised gasped, and looked at them. “No, you shouldn’t be here right now! Get away while you still can!”

Sharp Sword’s partner, Royal Shine, stepped forward to try and console the Princess. She put a hoof on the Mare’s shoulder and spoke. “I promise we can help Princess,” she consoled. She leaned forward for a hug which revealed a necklace. It was shining brilliantly in the night. The neckware had a glorious diamond in the middle of it, which made it even more gorgeous. “Try to tell us what is happening so we can help.” She said affectionately.

“I will try to explain quickly.” In an instant Celestia created a magical energy around and for a few moments she was free of pain. “Alright, so you know how I sent Princess Luna to the moon with the Elements of Harmony?” The two guards quickly agreed and let her continue. “Well the Elements of Harmony didn’t like that…at all. They sent a backlash on myself, and just like how Princess Luna turned into Nightmare Moon I turn into…hnng.” The magical energy was gone in an instant.

For a second Sharp Sword pondered the thought of running, and leaving behind his partner. Quickly he dismissed it and held his ground firmly. The Princess began to float in the air slowly, barely raising an inch at a time. A bright light started to envelope her as she reached the peak of her ascension. Sharp Sword covered Royal Shine’s body just in case something dangerous happened.

When the light started to fade away, and the duo realized nothing was coming out he stepped aside. They expected to be treated to the sight of Princess Celestia, and at first they thought it was her, but upon closer inspection they realized it was somepony else entirely! This pony had the same mane, tail, and coat sure, but any unicorn could conjure that up. This ‘Princess Celestia’ had a much shorter mane and it was tucked away into a backwards hat. She wore sunglasses, even thought it was night time, and a long jersey of some kind was draped on her body.

“Aw shit! What is this?!” Her voice wasn’t nearly as elegant anymore. Now it was much more slurred and harder to make out. She seemed to be ignoring the duo for now. She made her way to the window and peered outside. With a face of disgust she announced, “This over here is dumb! Why’s the outside just white? Pretty lame if you ask me.” Appearing to be talking to herself the two inched their way towards the door. No one is that lucky though.

Immediately the ‘Princess’ teleported in between Shine and Sword. Wrapping her forelegs around both of them, she smiled. Confused and bewildered Sharp Sword spoke up, “I, um, who are you?” the way he was stammering was shocking! He couldn’t remember a time in his life that he had gotten nervous. And yet, right now, he felt almost scared of this woman.

Lowering her sunglasses the ‘Princess’ said, “For real? She never said nothin’ about me?” She looked at both of the ponies and sighed. “That figures I guess.” She walked away from the ponies a couple feet before announcing: “I AM THE SWAG MASTER!”

A smile broke out between the duo at the door. Before long they were in a fit of laughter. “Swag master?” Royal Shine gasped, “You’ve gotta be kidding me! That has to be the lamest name ever!”

Even Sharp Sword, who was normally very serious, was laughing his head off! “This is some kind of joke right? There is no way this can be a thing that is actually happening!”

The Swag Master was getting upset by all of the laughter. Her eyes were now replaced with fireballs and she was breathing heavily. “How dare you?!” She boomed. Her yell had quieted the two ponies in an instant. “You think that this much swag is easy to achieve? I don’t think you realize how easily I could take your swag from you.” She glowered at the two. Now was not a good time to laugh at the Swag Master. “Hell, I could make a better name on the spot.”

Feeling like he hadn’t pushed his luck to the fullest extent Sharp Sword spoke, “oh yeah? Do it then.” Of course the Swag Master never backed down from a challenge and she got to thinking immediately. She started sweating and Sharp Sword grew confident he had beaten her already.

“I’m the Princess alright?! I don’t need this crap from you! In fact, I don’t even have to take it.” She lowered her head and aimed at the stallion.

“Or what, huh? You’re going to take my ‘swag’ awa-“ his sentence was cut short. A deam of light had hit him; he didn’t look like he was in pain. Suddenly he felt something changing on his head. He couldn’t move yet, but he assumed it couldn’t be too bad if it was painful. He started to feel…weaker? No. just…different. In a way he had never experienced in his entire life. When the light surrounding him had gone away he looked at his partner. “Really, that’s all you have?” His partner erupted with laughter. Curious to know what happened he looked at her and asked, “What’s so funny?” Not being able to talk through the moment she motioned her hoof to his head. Still curious as can be Sharp Sword put his hoof on his head.

It was…BALD! How could he be bald?! He looked on the ground for his hair, maybe he could get a unicorn to put it back, but to no avail. He looked up and glared at the, used to be, Princess. Before he could even begin to yell at her something struck him as strange. The Princess’ mane was now absolutely amazing. It looked like it alone was lighting up the room now. “What did you do?” He yelled. There was no way that he could stand for this.

She looked at him coldly and laughed. “I took away the one thing that made you have swag, that made you cool. I wonder if any of your friends will like you anymore. After all, who wants a bald friend?” she laughed into the cold night again. Turning to Royal Shine she said, “Now for you dearie. If you agree to be my little errand pony then I promise I won’t take your swag away, and make you my slave.”

“How would you make me your slave,” the mare questioned. The alicorn motioned to her side and she took a gander. Her partner looked positively depressed! What had gotten into him?

“She’s right,” the stallion said glumly. “Who is going to be my friend now? I look terrible…” In an instant the Swag Master was by his side to ‘comfort’ him.

“Hey, there there, it’s all right.” Her voice was back to her more elegant tone. “I don’t think you look terrible at all.” She smiled brightly at the distraught stallion. Looking up he began to smile.

“Really? You mean it?” He asked in a pathetic tone.

“Of course I mean it!” The Princess said enthusiastically. “Now if you could do me one tiny favor I promise you will be my right hand stallion!”

Now that he had the motivation he perked up instantly and grinned. “Anything!” He said joyously.

“I need to go down to Ponyville and get Twilight Sparkle. I will be with you shortly afterwards. Tell her that I have arrived and the boom you are up here with me as royalty.” This sounded like a once in a lifetime deal! And Sharp Sword was not about to give this up. As soon as he agreed to the task the Princess used her horn to teleport him on his merry little way.

Almost horrified at what happened Royal Shine spoke up, “What did you do to him?”

Swag Master looked up. “Hm? Oh, well I simply took his swag away and bestowed it upon myself, see?” She lifted up a hoof and puffed her now gorgeous mane. “Then while he was depressed I made him think I cared about him. Now he thinks he is serving the Princess on a special assignment.” She smiled evilly. “See, when someone is that down in the dumps they will believe anything.”

“But…why?” Royal Shine wanted answers now and she didn’t know if she would get them. Almost as if she knew what was going to happen the Swag Master replied.

“In due time my dear mare. For now I have things to attend to.” She made her way to the window. Before she leapt she turned back to the lonely mare.  “My offer still stands for you, though. I promise that I will make you my personal assistant. I want an answer when I get back.” Then she took a leap out of the window.

For a moment Royal Shine was stuck in silence. She knew what she had to do, but it was breaking her heart. She turned away towards the door. “Wait!” A voice called from behind her. It was the Princess again. What did she want? “Swagster! Ha!” again she flew off into the night. Royal Shine could barely hear, “I knew I could make up a better name!”

Royal Shine had to bite back another laughing fit.