Twin Desires: The Tale of Two Ponies Who Want Twilight

A couple hours after the ceremony was over, Flash Sentry, who was basically having an emotional meltdown over what happened decided to pay a visit to one of his favorite places in Canterlot, the local tavern. He had never bothered to wash the rotten eggs off of himself so when he went in everypony started to gag over the smell. Cold Brew, the bartender gagged, "Ugh, what the hay is that smell?" He then looked over at Flash and saw that he was covered in eggs. He asked, "Flash Sentry, could you go and wash up before you come in here?"

Flash slammed his hoof into the floor and shouted, "No! I'm having the worst day of my life and I just need a little escape."

Cold Brew growled, "No need to be so grumpy." He led Flash to a door that led to the basement. He continued, "There is a shower down there for customers who vomit all over themselves. Go and wash up before you come back up here."

Flash was appalled by the way the bartender, who has been so good to him for so long, was treating him like this. He stormed down to the basement and took a long, hot shower to wash the stench of rotten eggs off of himself. Once he was done he headed back upstairs where he was greeted much more warmly by the bartender. He asked, "Flash, do you feel better?"

Flash replied, "In one way yes but in another way no."

Cold Brew asked, "What do you mean 'in another way no?'"

Flash began to sob, "Because I was dumped at the altar today by the pony I was going to marry."

Cold Brew asked, "Oh, you were supposed to marry Princess Twilight today weren't you? What happened?"

Flash slammed his hoof into the floor and screamed, "I was supposed to marry her but then she decides to believe all these stupid rumors everypony has made up about me so she decides to marry one of her bridesmares instead."

Cold Brew gasped, "Seriously? She married one of her bridesmares? I never knew she swung that way."

Flash lowered his head to the table and sobbed, "Apparently she does. She said that this pegasus named Fluttershy is so much better than me. Why I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't had a thing going for quite some time." He kicked the bar and yelled, "Twilight played me, she did all this just so she could make me look like a joke at the altar."

Cold Brew replied, "I'm sorry about that Flash. Is there anything I can do to help you."

Flash ordered, "I need a drink, give me some vodka."

Cold Brew sighed, "I take it you want me to add it to your tab?"

Flash replied, "Yes, that would be nice."

Cold Brew gave Flash a bottle of vodka and he began to guzzle it. His actions had drawn the attention of the other customers and like most everypony else in Canterlot, they did not care for him one bit. At first they were chuckling a bit when he yelled, "Stop it! Don't laugh at my stress like this!"

The other patrons found it rather humorous that he was guzzling his drink like it was water. They began to chant, "Chug, chug, chug, chug!"

Flash began to drink at a more heavy pace and in a couple of minutes he had downed an entire bottle. He looked at Cold Brew and ordered, "More!"

Cold Brew replied, "Flash Sentry, one bottle of vodka is quite a bit. Are you sure you want more?"

Flash shouted, "Yes I want more. I wouldn't have asked had I not wanted it."

Cold Brew sighed and handed him another bottle. He sighed, "Well if you get to the point where you're too drunk to even walk out of here, don't go saying I didn't warn you."

Flash grunted and began to guzzle the next bottle as everypony else in the tavern continued to chant, "Chug, chug, chug, chug!"

To everypony's surprise he had not fallen off his seat yet. Yes he was drunk beyond belief but he had not passed out. Flash said, "Cold Bew, I want a turd bolt."

While everypony else laughed over his drunken speech Cold Brew was more concerned. He said, "Flash Sentry, I am sorry but I will not let you have any more. I don't know if you can handle a third bottle."

Flash screamed, "Fine, maybe sumpiney else will give me more."

Cold Brew sighed as Flash flew out the door, slamming face first into a neighboring building. He shouted, "Don't worry abut me, I'll be fine."

While he had initially wanted to just leave and never have to see Twilight again, he decided that maybe he should crash the reception. He said to himself, "I'll teach dose beachy pwincesses a leshon! I'll make dere respeshon a liver nightmoor."

He flew towards the palace where the reception was taking place. He crashed into a couple other buildings on the way but finally reached his destination. He crash landed in the center of the courtyard, right in front of Twilight and Fluttershy. He looked up at them and shouted, "Twilit, you bits, how could dis mare be biter than me?"

Twilight shouted, "Flash Sentry, what the hay are you doing here?" She saw the horrendously drunken state that he was in and continued, "The rumors about you are horribly underestimated. I know everypony said you were a heavy drinker but I never once thought you drank this bad." She pulled Fluttershy close and kissed her. She continued, "You know Flash, I'm so glad I realized everything about you was right. Fluttershy is infinitely better than you!"

Flash began to sob and Fluttershy sneered, "Oh poor widdle Fwashy, hims can't stand the fact that Twilight loves a good, sexy pony, not an ugly, nasty drunk!"

Flash was angered by her comment. He stood up on all fours and threw a hoof towards Fluttershy but missed horribly. He fell flat on his face and everypony began to laugh at him. Luna picked him up with her magic and shook her head. She held him up to her and snarled, "Flash Sentry, thou hast a lot of nerve to come and crash Twilight and Fluttershy's reception."

Celestia came over and added, "Flash Sentry, so you finally decide to come and show everypony the true Flash Sentry huh?"

Cadence added, "Wow, you're even worse than I ever imagined."

Flash shouted, "Sut up, I hat all of you. Curse you Twilit Spackle! Curse you Flootersit. I hope you all die mishabel debts!"

Luna released him and laughed, "Thou know something Flash, thou art an embarrassment to Equestria. Thou art an embarrassment to the guard. Thou art an embarrassment to thyself."

Flash yelled, "Buck you Woota. I'm the bost gerdspiny ever!"

Twilight yelled, "Would you just shut up and leave us alone already?"

Fluttershy added, "Just go home private. Nopony likes you, nopony will ever like you!"

Flash flew straight up to where he was probably 200 feet above the courtyard. He yelled, "You want me to lave, fine!" He began to sob, "Gudbe kewel werld, i hat you and curse you! Buck all of you, buck this wold, good risdenze all of you!"

Flash continued to just float above the courtyard when Twilight finally had enough. She shouted, "If you're going to kill yourself just do it already."

Fluttershy screamed, "We're sick of your damn whining!"

Flash turned himself upside down, closed his wings to his side and began to plummet to the ground. He was sobbing loudly as he was falling. He finally realized that everything he had done led to him being rejected at the altar and realized that perhaps he shouldn't end it all, that maybe he should leave but by the time he realized this, it was too late. He hit the ground headfirst, causing his head to crack open and brains to go flying everywhere. Everypony got covered in blood but the only two that were distraught were Rarity and Blueblood. "My dress! It is ruined!" exclaimed Rarity

"Eww....I just had myself groomed!" shouted Blueblood

While most everypony was a bit upset about their clothes getting blood on them, Fluttershy was not upset at all, she was laughing at the mess that was once Flash Sentry. She yelled, "Cleanup in courtyard one!"

Quickly a couple of unicorn guards came in to handle the corpse. One of them asked, "Princess Celestia, what do you want us to do with the body?"

Celestia replied, "Take it to the Everfree Forest, maybe the timberwolves will eat it. A corpse is an easy meal, right?" Celestia suddenly realized that with as much alcohol that he had consumed, any creature that would eat his corpse may die. She continued, "Guards, forget taking him to the forest, just go throw the body in the dump."

The guards nodded and hauled Flash away. As they headed off Luna laughed, "Well, now we can call him Trash Sentry and it will be the truth!"

As the guardsponies hauled the body off one of them commented, "You know, this might surprise some but I'm actually going to miss Flash."

The other guard asked, "Why? Why in Equestria would you miss that loser?"

The guard replied, "Because he was the one I always won so much money from playing poker."

The other guard laughed as he remembered that Flash was the world's worst poker player and said, "Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that. Well I guess you'll have to step up your skills because nopony is as bad as he was."

Finally the most hated pony in Canterlot was no more. While everypony was happy to see him gone, it was the princesses who were especially happy. Celestia knew that he was a lousy guard, Luna knew of his despicable off-duty behavior, Cadence realized that the guard would be better off with him, Twilight was happy that she wouldn't have to put up with him stalking her and the newly crowned Princess Fluttershy was happy that she was able to get Twilight to realize her love for her and in the process, wiped out the only pony that was more hated than Blueblood.