A Funeral To Remember

by SilverPony98

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Anthro, Original Character, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Scootaloo, Adventure
Length: 2020

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom misunderstood what Steven meant by recovery.

After Steven defeated Apollyon, he was badly injured from the fight and has to heal himself. He tells his wife Scootaloo and his cousin Apple Bloom that he's going to recover by falling into a deep state of unconsciousness.

Misunderstanding what Steven said, both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo prepare a funeral for him. Things don't go as expected.

Warning: Disrespect for dead people, dropping of coffins, emptying of bowels, and T-Bagging)

(Characters are aged up)

(Cover art done by me!)

Note: What the hell did I just write?! :twilightoops:

Published 2015-03-16 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-16 05:50:01 UTC

Where is my husband?!

Where is my husband?!

It has been seven years since Steven had been married to Scootaloo. Throughout their many adventures with friends and family, they both grew and matured into fine adults.

A few months after their marriage, Apollyon returned to destroy Equestria for the second time. This time he opens the gates of Tartarus, unleashing the beasts of the Asura realm into Equestria.

The battle had lasted for two whole months as Steven quickly led his friends, his family, his people and the equestrians towards Apollyon's lair.

The battle was long and hard, but in the end Steven emerged victorious as his people and the equestrians celebrated their victory.

It has already been a week after Steven defeated Apollyon and restored Equestria back to its normal state, and keeping the gates of Tartarus sealed once and for all.

Unfortunately, all the battles that Steven had fought in had drained and damaged him very badly. Steven finds out that in order to heal himself he has to fall into a deep state of unconsciousness in order for him to recover.

After telling Scootaloo and Apple Bloom about his condition, both mares misunderstood what he meant by his way of recovery and they prepare a funeral for him.

But nothing goes as planned.

Two Weeks After Apollyon's Defeat...

Steven had been lying motionless in bed for a week and we tried to wake him up, but nothing worked. Now we have him placed in a very nice coffin we could get.

I was very heartbroken after seeing my beloved husband had already passed on without me. I sighed as I sat on Steven's side of the bed, this room feels empty without him.

"Hey, Scoots. Are ya alright?" Apple Bloom asked me in concern, sitting next to me on the bed as I looked down.

"It's nothing, Bloom. I'm just upset that he went too soon." I said, trying to hold back some tears but failed as I began to bawl like a newborn foal.

Apple Bloom embraced me in a hug, shushing and cooing as she tried to comfort me. I soon calmed down and thought about the funeral arrangements.

"I want to see him again." I said firmly, looking Apple Bloom in the eyes. She was surprised at my tone before nodding in understanding.

"Shoot, I wanna see my cousin too before we bury him." Apple Bloom replied, patting my hand before standing up. I got up as well and followed her out the door.

Before we left the room, I looked around the room as memories flashed by, before staring at the old book that had answered all of Steven's questions and led him throughout his destiny and now... his fate.

"Goodbye, my love." I whispered, closing the door before catching up with Apple Bloom as she waited for me at the stairs.

"Are ya sure ya wanna do this, Scoots?" Apple Bloom asked as we exited the house.

"I just need some closure with my husband before the funeral begins." I replied. Apple Bloom nodded before focusing on the road to Ponyville as we walked.

2 Hours Later...

Apple Bloom and I entered the Cathedral the mayor had built for Steven years ago, when we were teenagers. Now it's being used for the ones that died in the battle against Apollyon. I shuddered at the memories of the fight, why build a scary looking Cathedral? Why not build a temple instead?

As if sensing my discomfort, Apple Bloom placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, giving me a soft smile before walking with me as we made our way towards a familiar mare from our school.

"Hello, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo." a violet pegasus mare greeted us as we approached.

"Hey, how are ya doing Filly?" Apple Bloom asked, shaking the mare's hand.

"I'm doing good, are you girls here to see someone who recently passed away?" Filly asked. Both Apple Bloom and I nodded in confirmation.

Filly nodded before calling two stallions - wait a minute! Snips? Snails? What are they doing here?

My attention was now on the coffin they were dragging, dread filling my heart as Apple Bloom and I stood in front of it. As the coffin's lid was opened...

"What the hay?!" Apple Bloom exclaimed.

I could only stare wide eyed in disbelief at the pony in the coffin and at the violet mare. Filly looked confused at my hesitation.

"You may proceed." Filly said, gesturing to the coffin.

"Filly, who is this pony?" I asked shakily but I'm actually very angry.

"I asked the same thing when my folks died." Filly said with a smile, while my eye twitched as Apple Bloom began seething in her place.

"That's not my husband." I said angrily, Filly and the two stallions looking at me in surprise.

"Are you sure?" Filly asked, concern in her voice as I shook in anger.

"Look at the bucking body!" Apple Bloom growled through clenched teeth, as she glared daggers at the violet mare.

Filly took a good look at the pony in the coffin before giving me a surprised look.

"You got Diamond Tiara in there!" I snarled, angrily stomping my hoof on the ground as Filly took a few steps back, raising her hands in defense.

"Girls, please calm down. This almost never happens at all." Filly said calmly, as Apple Bloom and I glared at her.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Apple Bloom asked menacingly as Filly gulped.

"Um..." Filly squeaked, Snips and Snails holding me back as I took a step towards her.

"If you don't have my husband here in five minutes, I'll make you take his place." I threatened, shrugging Snips and Snail's hands off my shoulders as I took a step towards Filly, making her take a few steps back.

"O - okay, I'll get right to it. Don't worry!" Filly said frantically as she ushered the two stallions and the coffin away.

Apple Bloom and I grumpily exited the Cathedral. I can't believe what just happened! There's no way they could've messed up my husband for someone else.

"Hey, Scoots. How's about you go home and get some rest?" Apple Bloom asked as she patted my shoulder.

"Yeah, today is very disappointing. I hope they have him ready by tomorrow." I replied as I hugged her back.

After saying our goodbyes, Apple Bloom and I parted ways.

The Next Day...

Apple Bloom and I sat down with the rest of our family and friends, while the priest spoke some prayers and sang some songs. Apple Bloom patted my hand as I shook in my seat.

Filly said that they found Steven's body. The violet mare gave me an assuring smile before standing beside the coffin.

The time came as Apple Bloom and I slowly made our way towards the coffin and anticipated the moment the coffin's lid was opened, only to reveal...

I nearly puked at what I saw before me, Apple Bloom tried not to strangle Filly as we saw WHAT was in the coffin.

"What the heck?! That's Discord in there!" Apple Bloom shouted as she glared at Filly, clenching her fists in anger.

The crowd began to mumble in concern as Filly tried to calm me and Apple Bloom down. This failed as both me and Apple Bloom advanced on the trembling mare.

"Filly, this is the second time you've screwed up! I'm going to shove my hoof up your ass!" I snarled as I stomped angrily towards the violet mare as she frantically tried to explain.

"B - but we already put your husband in there, not him!" she tried to reason as me and Apple Bloom began chasing her around the coffin.

As both of us tackled the screaming mare, the entire audience began panicking as the coffin toppled over, the lid flying open as the body of a certain god of chaos falls out, landing on the piano a stallion is playing.

The stallion released a loud girlish scream before dashing away in fear as the corpse's wide eyes and smiling face caused an uproar, the sound of the corpse emptying its bowls was heard as everypony hurriedly dispersed from the Cathedral in terror.

I was too busy to notice as I smothered Filly's face with my cooch as she constipated while Apple Bloom was trying to shove her entire arm up the mare's rectum.

One Week Later...

This time, we decided to bury Steven ourselves.

Our relatives found his body again and placed it in the coffin, this time we made sure it's my beloved Steven. I gently caressed his cheek before placing a loving kiss on his nose.

"Sorry for yer loss, Scootaloo." Big Mac said, giving me a sympathetic gaze as he gently closed the lid, sealing Steven from the world and the grieving wind. One of my cousins prepared to give a speech as he held a dove in his hand.

My cousin looked around nervously before pretending nothing happened. I frowned and ignored the dove and tearfully watched as Big Mac and Braeburn prepared to lower my beloved Steven into Equestria's welcoming soil.

Apple Bloom placed her arm around my shoulder before saying some comforting words I ignored as I focused on my beloved in the coffin.

I watched in horror, my eyes twitching as my beloved was dropped to the pit like garbage. I felt like ripping my mane off as Apple Bloom tried to calm me down.

"Bucking hell!" I cursed, stomping on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum.

Big Mac, Braeburn and the others quickly went down the hole to retrieve the coffin as I began sobbing in frustration, Apple Bloom held me tightly as she did her best to comfort me.

I was caught off guard as she locked her lips with mine. I began to get into it before pushing her against a tree, my wings fully extended as I furiously humped and kissed her.

"What the... he's gone!" one of Apple Bloom's relatives shouted.

Apple Bloom and I stopped what we were doing, blushing as we made our way to the hole. The coffin laid with its lid fully opened.

"What... but he was in there before we-" I started to say before I was cut off by a familiar voice.

"Hello, everybody!" Steven said, causing all of us to jump in surprise. He had an amused look on his face as he hovered in mid air with his wings unfurled. "I'm back from the dead, miss me?"

"S - Steven!" Apple Bloom cried before rushing over to him as he landed. I followed as well and locked my lips with my husband, before pulling away.

"What happened to you?" I asked as Steven tilted his head.

"I was in a deep sleep, so I can fully recover myself." Steven replied, turning around to show his body. It was rid of those scars and burns, how did we not notice that?

"But... we tried burying you." Apple Bloom stated, everypony began voicing the same thing as well.

"Oh, that happens whenever my body is being violated when I'm asleep." Steven explained, rubbing the back of his head. "While I was recovering, my body did everything it could to escape from its containment, I hope you all figured out for yourselves."

I stood there in astonishment, everypony did the same. Steven frowned when he saw the dove on the ground before picking it up and holding it. After a few moments, the dove suddenly jumped to its feet, chirping before it took flight.

"Yup, today is going to be a good day!" Steven exclaimed with a wide grin as he wrapped me and Apple Bloom in a tight hug.

Our relatives broke into cheers before starting a party, this time it's for Steven's recovery. I'm just overjoyed to have my husband back!

Later that night, Steven made love to me. Our cries of joy and pleasure echoing throughout the night.

This is one crazy funeral to remember!

Author's Note

I couldn't resist making this story! :rainbowlaugh: