This is getting out of hand
“Pinkie Pie, how are you doing?” Nurse Redheart asked.
“I knew that broken legs hurt, but I didn’t know that they hurt this bad.” Pinkie dejectedly looked at her heavily bandaged hind leg that was hanging by a string.
“It just makes you not want to jump out of windows now, doesn’t it?”
Pinkie sighed.
“Is there anything you want?”
“Well... I wanted to go to Sweetie Belle’s house and tell her a story, but...” Pinkie sighed, slinking into a depressed slob position in her bed.
“Sweetie Belle is right there.”
Pinkie looked over, to see Sweetie Belle staring right back at her.
She had bandages and wrappings on her as well, only they were more heavily applied to her entire body with the exception of her head and neck area.
"Oh, Sweetie Belle. I was going to talk to you next."
"You were?"
"Yeah. I went and told a story to Scootaloo, then Apple Bloom, and now it's your turn."
"...okay."
"But before I begin, I need to ask you something."
"Sure."
"What happened to you?"
"You landed on me."
"Oh. That explains why my fall wasn't as bad as it could have been." Pinkie smiled, snuggling deeper into her bed.
"Wait, what were you doing outside of Sweet Apple Acres?"
"I was-"
"Ohp, time to start the story."
"What happened to the other... deities?" asked Twilight.
"They all leave. They can't handle cookie," Cookie Monster said, shaking his fist at the sun, which was still very much a cookie.
"Good riddance!" shouted Sonata from the clouds.
"Didn't you leave into space?" Sunset asked.
"Yeah. But we came back. We got bored."
"Please go back to space," said Adagio, who was alive. Again. Because.
And then immediately she was buried under a pile of cookie dough. She's dead. Again. Because.
"You keep killing her like the KKK keeps killing the African-Americans," said Sunset.
“What is KKK?”
“Uh,” Twilight thought fast. She thought if Cookie Monster heard about such a monstrous society and its ideals, the Cookie God wouldn't be too thrilled about that. “It’s... it... stands for... Krazy... Kookie... Klub.”
“Oh, Cookie Monster sees. But cookie starts with C-”
“And that’s good enough for Him," Sonata said.
"I don't know what they were thinking either. Perhaps they're just... not educated. It's a special club. Where only the most... important cookie lovers get to go in," Sunset added.
"But... Cookie Monster... is most important... cookie lover there is. How come me never heard of club?" He leaned over in his cloud throne and stared Twilight and Sunset dead in their eyes.
"Because... it was... just barely formed!" Sonata lied.
The two girls looked at Sonata, who shrugged her shoulders and ate cookies that appeared out of nowhere.
"Me join club!"
With a snap of his fuzzy, furry fingers (which I think might be impossible, but then again he is God), a strange bunch of men showed up out of nowhere wearing pointy hats.
The pointy-hatted men stared in confusion at Cookie Monster almighty.
"You guys like cookies?"
"Uh-" said one of the men.
"I brought more kookies to your klub!"
Cookie Monster let rain a thousand cookies from the sky. Cookies of most sublime chocolate chip (and slight sadness).
The pointy-hatted men conversed with each other quietly. Unsure what to think of everything that seemed to make sense just a few seconds ago.
"What kind of cookies you guys like?" Cookie Monster readied his omnomnipotent hand for another snapping (you guys remember that joke? It was in the first two. It was funny then, and it's funny now, dammit!).
The pointy-hatted men said nothing for a space. Then one stepped forward, waving a hand at Cookie Monster.
"Um... oatmeal."
Cookie Monster opened his mouth to respond, but said nothing, instead stroking his furry chin contemplatively. He held out his hand, and from his palm fell a single, normal-sized oatmeal cookie. The pointy-hatted man standing away from the group caught the heavenly gift with outstretched hands.
"Me no like oatmeal, but you still get cookie," said Cookie Monster.
The end.
"Wh... what? What kind of an ending was that?"
"Oh, I'm sorry if my version ended where I wanted it to end. If you don't like it, then let's hear your version!" Pinkie folded her arms.
"Okay. Here I go!" Before Sweetie could start, Pinkie interjected.
"Wait, you're really gonna..."
"Yes!"
"...You're completely serious?"
"Yes, I'm completely serious! Are you ready!"
"I-I gue-"
"Are you ready?!"
"Okay fine! Just do it!"
While Cookie Monster gradually filled every pair of hands from the KKK with his preferred cookie, Twilight pulled aside one of the members.
"Are you guys really...?"
"KKK? Yes, we are" answered the man. "We never anticipated that we would be abducted by a giant monster in the middle of a meeting, but he seems nice."
"Nice? And what would you know about nice?"
"Don't get me wrong. We're new age KKK."
"And that means...?"
"We haven't killed anybody."
"And you... plan to."
"No, not really. I mean, we definitely could, but we're not going to."
"But you're still racist?"
"Yes. You purple whore."
Twilight frowned. "Hey, Cookie Monster."
Cookie Monster looked down at her from his giant cookie. "Wut?"
"This guy doesn't like cookies!"
Cookie Monster's fur turned red and started on fire. "You banned from club."
The man was flattened by Cookie Monster's giant fist.
"So... what now?" asked a random member of the klub like he didn't notice that one of his friends just got smashed.
"You all get cookie?"
Each of the members mumbled their consent.
"Okay. Me go now."
"Catch you guys later!" Sonata said.
The two departed into space once again. The clouds opened for their passage, and closed behind them. They were uncertain if they were ever going to return. Again.
The End.
"There. Much better than your story."
"I don't know, I think mine was pretty good.
"Well, now it's my turn. I will be the mouthpiece of cookie monster."
"Hey, you can't just steal my thing."
"Watch me. Cookie Monster! I summon thee!"
"Wut?" Cookie Monster appeared through the doorway.
"Heal me with your great cookie magic!"
"Okay! Zap!"
"I can walk again!" Sweetie jumped out of her bed, immediately falling on the floor with her face.
"Not very well, but I can walk again!"
"You guys have cookies?" Cookie asked.
"No."
"K, bye!"
