A Way Home

by TheTiredQuill

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 10423

The main six face one of their biggest challenges yet

Fluttershy finds a strange creature she's never seen before in a crater in the forest outside her house. Her intrinsic need to nurture and care for every animal she comes across kicks in and from then on she wants nothing more than to help him get home. However, getting him back where he belongs could prove to be the greatest challenge Fluttershy and her friends have ever faced.

Proofread by: Pyra Lira and Cornflak

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-12 23:10:17 UTC

Vivace

Sundays were days of great importance to Fluttershy. Not only did she get to spend the entire day in repose if she so wished; all of her animal friends seemed to acknowledge that she liked to be to herself on this particular day and more or less kept out of her hair.

“Isn’t this wonderful, Angel?” The white bunny in question nodded in approval from the couch as he gingerly sipped on a glass of ice water. Fluttershy sighed as she leaned back in her lounge chair. “Don’t tell the other animals, but I’ve been kind of looking forward to having a day to myself.”

Angel zipped his muzzle with a free paw. Fluttershy commended the little rabbit’s fealty with an easy smile. “Thanks, Angel. I knew I could trust you.”

A mighty crash sounded somewhere off in the distance, shaking the house to its very foundation and making the china Fluttershy kept for special occasions clatter loudly in their cabinets.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy squeaked in shock as she and Angel were thrown from their perches. Immediately, she scurried to the window and threw the curtain aside noticing a looming cloud of inky black smoke in the distance.

“Oh my goodness, Angel, come on. We'd better go make sure nopony was hurt!” Fluttershy raced out the door of her cottage and took off into the air, Angel holding desperately onto her mane as the windshear threatened to rip him off and send him hurtling to the forest below.

Fluttershy came to rest beside a large crater producing an acrid black smoke that irritated her eyes and nose. Tentatively, she inched forward, peeking around the rim and into the steaming crater.

“Hello, is anypony in there?” she asked as she glided down into the hole, still wary on account of being able to see nothing but smoke. A hard fit of coughing rang out in the midst of the miasma and the following moments found Fluttershy planted resolutely behind a tree, wrapped in her mane and tail as though she were concealed from whatever eldritch abomination was present.

A hard minute came and went before Fluttershy felt confident enough to come out from from behind the tree, but even then she remained on high alert. With the wariness of a wild animal, Fluttershy crept forward again, her ears like satellites atop her head. As they neared the smoldering pit, Angel pulled and tugged on his master’s ears, baying her to retreat. She ignored him however and pressed on, both curiosity and concern getting the better of her.

Fluttershy planted a hoof firmly on the lip of the massive indentation and leaned forward, the suffocating black haze having died down enough for her to make out the silhouette of something bipedal through the stifling smog. She watched with bated breath as the the silhouette grew sharper and more clear, until suddenly it stumbled it’s way out into the open, coughing and staggering before it eventually fell forward and stopped moving altogether.

All pretense of care and caution Fluttershy had was immediately abandoned as she noticed how much the strange bipedal creature resembled one of the woodland creatures she was so fond of. She immediately leapt down into the hole and came to the creature’s side, her voice thick with worry.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Fluttershy gently prodded the foreign creature with a hoof, hoping to elicit some kind of response, however, the creature stayed perfectly still. Fluttershy regarded the creature with a grave shimmer in her eyes before picking it up and hoisting it onto her back.

“C’mon Angel, we have to help the poor thing.” Without so much as a second thought, Fluttershy lifted herself and the creature into the air and made her way back toward her cottage as fast as her wings could carry her.

A few feet away from the crater where Fluttershy had rescued the animal, a collection of sticks, branches and foliage began to stir.

The silence that had draped itself over the inside of Fluttershy’s cottage was broken as the raccoon like creature she’d rescued from the smoldering pit finally began to stir.

“Oh my goodness,” Fluttershy was at his side immediately, dancing anxiously on her hooves. “Angel, he’s waking up. Quick, bring him a glass of water!”

Angel dutifully obliged, hopping into the kitchen with a glass precariously perched on his head as he went. By the time he made it to the couch and handed the glass to Fluttershy, the creature’s eyes were just beginning to open.

“Ugh, my flarkin head is killin’ me.”

“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, holding the glass out to him. The furry mammal’s fur bristled and it jumped up off the couch and scurried into the corner of the room, its hackles raised and its teeth barred.

“Who the hell are you? Where am I?” The creature’s eyes darted to every corner of the room, trying to get a quick bearing of his surroundings.

“Oh...um, this is my cottage. I found in a crater outside and I was worried so I brought you here.”

The creature’s posture relaxed the slightest of bits, but his eyes remained slitted.

“What planet is this?” The mammal demanded, a claw extended in Fluttershy’s direction. Fluttershy blinked and tilted her head.

“What?”

The mammal groaned trailed a paw done his face. “WHAT….PLANET….IS….THIS?”

“Umm...Equis.”

“Equis? Damn, that trans-spacial generator musta sent me pretty far. I ain’t never heard of Equis before.”

“Umm...excuse me,” the diminutive voice of his captor and savior eked out just loud enough to stop the mammal's train of thought. “You’re not hurt or anything, are you?”

The mammal gave himself a thorough once over, checking each of his limbs to make sure that he didn’t have any gaping holes or gashes he didn’t know about.

“I’m fine. Just get me a ship so I can get outta here.”

“A ship?” Fluttershy questioned. “You mean like a sailboat?” The raccoon groaned loudly again.

“No, not a sailboat. A SPACE ship. You know, wings, an engine, goes into space?” Fluttershy’s head canted to the side.

“Oh for-” The mammal stuck a paw into one of the pockets of his pants and pulled out a tiny metal ball. He tapped a ring in the center and a flood of emphatic blue lines exploded from the little device, bathing the room a ethereal shade of blue.

“THIS is what I need,” the mammal stated, gesturing pointedly to the object suspended in the middle of the room. Fluttershy poked her head out from behind the couch, yelping and ducking down again as some of the light streaking her face hummed and fizzled. The mammal huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, it ain’t gonna hurt ya.” After a quick wave of her hoof through the light to confirm, Fluttershy eased out from behind the back of the couch completely and settled down into the bevy of angular beams.

“What is all this?” she questioned, still looking transfixed at the light show that was now streaked across the inside of her cottage. The raccoon breathed an unbelieving scoff through his nose.

“C’mon, you’re seriously gonna tell me you’ve never seen a holographic projection before?”

“No, never.” Fluttershy responded, her eyes still mystified by the display. The raccoon pressed the balls of his paws to his eyes and rubbed them slightly before running them down the length of his face and pulling his jaw nearly halfway to the floor.

What kind of backwater planet did that thing drop me on? He wondered, letting out a hot and heavy breath before snapping his paws in the equine’s direction.

“Listen up,” he commanded. Fluttershy’s eyes turned away from the crackling beams of light and snapped to him. “If you can’t get me a ship, can you at least get me to a space-port?” His voice held out faint inklings of hope, space-ports being a common thing on nearly every planet in the galaxy. But when he was met with the same sort of bewildered, empty stare he’d come to expect from the yellow horse, he let out another frustrated noise that wasn’t too far from a growl.

“Un-freakin’ believable! You seriously don’t have a single space-port on this entire planet?” Fluttershy blinked owlishly at him.

“What’s a space-port?”

“I don’t flarkin believe this!” The raccoon half growled, half shouted, dispersing the grid of light with an angry press of his thumb and roughly shoving the metal sphere back into his pocket. “Outta all the uncivilized, backwards planets I coulda got stuck on, I get probably the ONE planet in the entire flarkin’ galaxy that doesn’t have a space-port!”

Obviously irritated that his supposed savior was not giving him the answers he desired, the little mammal scoffed and went to scurrying about the room, lifting up couch cushions, peeking under furniture and rifling through cabinets. Fluttershy followed him as he scampered about, partly curious to see what he was looking for and partly to make sure he didn’t break anything.

“Where’d you put my stuff?” He asked, his nose halfway inside a kitchen cabinet.

“You mean that little brown bag you had slung around your shoulder?” Fluttershy queried, squeaking in panic as she raced to catch a hoof-full of cups the little mammal had carelessly pushed out of the way.

“Yeah, that. I kinda need it back if you don’t mind.” Fluttershy’s eyes widened as the raccoon curiously twisted a plate in his claws before shrugging and nonchalantly throwing it over his shoulder. She slid to catch the ceramic cylinder, snagging it in her teeth moments before it shattered.

“If you’ll please be patient and wait out in the living room, I can go and get it  for you.” The little mammal did as he was instructed, hopping down from the kitchen counter and walking out into the living room.

“Be quick about it, wouldja? The sooner I get the rest of my stuff back, the sooner I can get offa this godforsaken sinkhole.” Fluttershy carefully returned the carelessly misplaced dinnerware to its proper place in the cupboard before making her way up the stairs to fetch her guest’s things.

By the time she returned to the living room with the satchel, her guest was hard at work, picking the stuffing out of her favorite couch cushions. Fluttershy set the bag down with a huff, her brow knit with worry and anxiousness as she watched her favorite couch be torn to shreds before her eyes.

“Oh, could you maybe please not do that?” Fluttershy tried, squeezing every bit of supplication from her voice. The mammal only laughed, tossing what used to be a perfectly intact couch cushion aside in favor of nipping at the carrot he’d pilfered from a clearly fed up looking Angel. Fluttershy grabbed the bag in her teeth again and hauled it over to the foot of the couch.

“Thank you,” the raccoon said in an unctuous tone of voice that made Fluttershy frown slightly.

“My, that bag is awfully heavy for someone of your size to carry. What could you possibly have in there?” The way the raccoon smirked was unnerving to Fluttershy in a way she couldn’t quite place.

“My babies.” The raccoon’s grin stretched wider

“Your...babies?!” Fluttershy’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

“Yup,” the he said, hopping down from his perch on the couch and unzipping the bag. “My little bundles of joy.”

Fluttershy watched with rapt attention and slight pangs of horror as the little mammal went to digging around in the stachel, expecting him to pull out some sort of baby adorable baby raccoons. Instead, what he pulled from the bag looked far less furry and cuddly than she was expecting, and far more like something Twilight would go absolutely gaga over for reasons unknown to anyone who wasn’t as eggheaded as she was.

“What is that?” Fluttershy questioned innocently, staring at the odd looking piece of metal with her usual brand of quiet confusion. The raccoon propped the piece of metal up on his arm and with a practiced flex, the alien piece of technology extended outward.

“Oh, this?" The raccoon smiled toothily at the hulking piece of machinery in his arms. “This here’s Jezebel; best gun this side of the cosmos. This baby can fire off eighty rounds in less than ten seconds, and she’s also got a pretty nice grenade launcher for when things get really hairy.” Fluttershy could only stare in bewilderment. Her guest seemed too excited to notice.

“Plus, it’s got one helluva muzzle flash. Doesn’t really do anything to add to the overall stopping power, but it does give punchin’ holes in things a sort of stylish flare. You know what I mean?” Fluttershy hid her perplexed expression behind her hair.

“Erm...no…not really.” The raccoon ignored her and went back to digging around in his satchel again.

“And this-,” he said, drawing out the word with a strained groan as he hefted an even bigger piece of metal from the contents of the bag. “-is a little somethin’ I like to call ‘The Hadron Enforcer’. This baby ain’t much for makin’ holes in people as it is makin’ holes in ships, buildings, and really big, really angry animals.”

“That’s awful!” Fluttershy gasped.

“Not when they’re trying to take chunks outta your face it ain’t.” He stated before depositing the massive weapon back into the bag. “But, I only really like to use it for those special occasions. Other than that, I’ve got a few hand grenades, a singularity grenade, two hand pistols, and a pair of rocket skates. So even if you did have something like, say, class three wildlife running around, me and Jezebelle’d be able to take em’ out no problem.” The raccoon put all of his equipment away and zipped up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and turning toward the door.

“Just to clarify, you don’t actually have any class three wildlife runnin’ around out there, do ya?”

“Umm…” Fluttershy started, unable to hide how utterly lost she was at the moment. “I don’t um…”

“Man, you really are totally clueless.” The raccoon sighed, retracting Jezebelle and attaching it to the back of his suit where it belonged. “Please, tell me the rest of...whatever else lives on this planet is more intelligent than you.”

Fluttershy reared back, the expression on her face one of disbelief and surprise. She scrunched up her eyebrows and set her jaw, trying to look as menacing as she could muster. “Now, I’ve had just about enough of you, mister!” Fluttershy advanced on the mammal’s position, jabbing a hoof to his chest. “I’m all for helping you find your way home and everything, but not until you stop being so mean and rude and inconsiderate.”

The mammal laughed. “No offence doll, but if you’re trying to intimidate me, you ain’t doin’ a very good job. I’ve met about a hundred different things that still cry and piss themselves that look more menacing than you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go find someone  who knows their ups from their downs.”

The raccoon adjusted the bag on his shoulder and took a few steps toward the door. Fluttershy stepped in front of him, still doing her best to look as big and authoritative as possible. The raccoon sighed, dropping his satchel and unhooking his gun from the back of his suit.

“C’mon, you don’t really wanna do this,” the mammal warned, the extending barrel of his gun just barely missing the tip of Fluttershy’s snout. “Just get outta the way and let me get on with my business before things get messy.” Fluttershy stayed perfectly grounded, hardening her gaze to a nearly stone-like consistency.

“Suit yourself.” The mammal shrugged, his gun whirring to life with a high-pitched whine. However, before he could even think of pulling the trigger, a last look into the wide, aquamarine eyes-that somehow looked leagues more threatening than they had a moment ago-stopped him dead in his tracks.

The mare’s once passive sea-blue eyes had gained the intensity of white hot embers. She watched the pugnacity and hostility in the raccoon’s eyes slowly bleed out and be replaced with a stark and wild fear, his gun falling limply at his side.

“Stop it!” he yelled, shaking his head, raising his gun back up so that it was in line with her muzzle again. “Quit starin’ at me like that before I fill ya full of holes!” Fluttershy stood steadfast, her eyes becoming impossibly sharp. The raccoon steadied his gun, trying one last time to pull the trigger, but once again falling victim to Fluttershy’s patented stare.

“For cryin’ out loud, what do ya want from me?” her captor cried, his gun falling to the floor again. Fluttershy puffed out her chest, her hawkish gaze not slipping for an instant.

“I want to help you.”

“And how are you plannin’ on doing that, huh? You’ve already proven that you don’t know where to find any ships. You can’t tell me where to find a spaceport, and as far as I know, you know absolutely diddly squat about any technology that’s come out in the past, I dunno, hundred years!” Fluttershy sucked in a breath, obviously working to bear the insults that were so carelessly thrown her way.

“Well, I may not be very smart or helpful, but I know somepony who is.”

“Somepony…?” the mammal questioned, but was cowed into silence by the unwavering hardness of his savior’s eyes.

“So, will you let me help you?” Rocket took one last look into the steely, solid look of his equine captor before sighing and re-holstering his gun.

“Fine,” the mammal growled under his breath. “But I swear on my life, if you end up getting me lost, captured or anything in between, you’re gonna be at the top of my list until judgment day.”

“Woohoo!” the animal on Fluttershy’s back cheered as they soared through the bright afternoon sky toward Ponyville. “This is awesome. Why didn’t you tell me you could fly?” Fluttershy didn’t bother responding on account of the deafening wind, but her cheeks flushed with appreciation all the same.

Fluttershy banked hard to the right and swooped down in between two buildings, squatting down just in time for her companion to leap off her back, practically dancing from foot to foot.

“That was awesome! You gotta promise me I can do that one more time before I leave,” the raccoon said, a wide sloppy grin on his face. Fluttershy smiled as well.

“Well, if you really liked it that much, then I don’t see why not.”

“I’m seriously gonna hold you to that.” Fluttershy smiled at her animal companion’s excitement.

“It’s a promise, then.” Rocket smirked in assent, arching backward with his paws to the small of his back and letting out a large groan.

“Definitely does a number on your back, though.” The smile on Fluttershy’s face gave way to concern.

“Gosh, maybe I should have just flown us right to the castle.”

“It’s fine,” Rocket assured her with the dismissive way of a paw. “I kinda wanted to get a look around anyway. Just tell me that friend of yours doesn’t live too far.”

Not at all,” Fluttershy assured. “In fact, you can see her house from here.” Fluttershy pointed a hoof to a massive building sitting atop a tree nestled just on the outskirts of the town. The raccoon’s jaw unscrewed and fell open as his eyes trailed up the gangly purple branches to the opulent looking building atop them.

“Your friend lives in THAT thing?!” Fluttershy nodded. The small mammal’s head swiveled from Twilight’s castle to the more modest-looking homes that surrounded him and then back to Twilight’s castle. “Why’s it so much...bigger than all the other houses around here?”

“Twilight’s one of the princesses in charge of ruling over Equestria.” The raccoon stopped dead in his tracks, turning to his escort with a bug eyed incredulity.

“Did you say princess?” Fluttershy flinched slightly at the raccoon’s sudden enthusiasm.

“Yes...” In a movement too fast for Fluttershy to react to, the small mammal grabbed either side of her face, their eyes meeting for an uncomfortable, elongated moment.

“You’re friends with a flarkin’ princess?!” By this point, Fluttershy was so taken aback, she nearly doubled in on herself.

“Um...yes.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” The raccoon released his hold on Fluttershy’s face and started off toward the glimmering tree, thoughts of the mounds of treasure that must have been present in such a lavish looking stronghold spurring him on with greater fervor. Fluttershy followed awkwardly behind him, still slightly addled from her companion’s suddenness.

As the pair stepped out from the side street they’d landed on and into the main thoroughfare, the raccoon took a stricken half step back as the scene of a myriad of ponies, all of different sizes and colors, went about their morning business.

“Holy flarkin’ hell,” he breathed, mezmerized by the scene before him. “Is everyone here a freaky talkin’ horse?” Fluttershy came up beside him, the hustle and bustle of the morning market rush a familiar sight.

“Ponies do make up a large part of Equestria, but there are lots of different species all over Equis.”

“What, you got kree crawlin’ around here or somethin’’?” Fluttershy’s brow knit in confusion.

“Er, I don’t know if we have any of those. But  we do have griffons. Oh, and centaurs, and satyrs, and dragons and-”

“Criminey, I may as well be in some snot nosed brat’s bedtime story.” Fluttershy smiled brightly at her companion.

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it. Everypony here is super nice and really friendly.”

“Then it’s a damn good thing I don’t plan on staying that long.” The raccoon started off down the road toward the giant shimmering tree, Fluttershy bringing up the rear of their company. “Places like this make my trigger finger itch somethin’ fierce.”

As the admittedly mismatched pair traversed the busy marketplace, they were greeted with a slew of sideways stares and hushed whispers. The raccoon noticed a pair of ponies gawking at him in open, unbridled wonder, and he privately reveled in the way the two quickly whipped their heads away as he growled at them.

“Geez, you’d think talking horses would be a bit more empathetic.” Fluttershy gave her companion her most encouraging smile.

“They’ll come around. They’re probably just not used to seeing…”

“Something like me,” the raccoon sighed. “Yeah, I get it.” Fluttershy’s ears splayed against her head as she searched for some way to rectify the egregious misstep she’d just taken. “Let’s just get going. The sooner we get to this friend of yours, the sooner I can be out of this multi-colored nightmare.”

The raccoon moved to take a step, but the presence of a wide eyed, beaming foal staring up at him with unrestrained, childlike wonder stopped him dead in his tracks. Their eyes met, and the corner of the raccoon’s mouth twitched up in an annoyed sneer.

“Get outta the way ya little imp,” the mammal growled, but the child remained transfixed. The raccoon took a quick step to the right, and the child mirrored him. Another attempt, from the left this time, was met with similar results. Finally, having become fed up with the walking obstruction blocking his path, the raccoon raised his hackles and bared his teeth in a picturesque display of anger.

The show of unfiltered animal instinct had the desired effect, breaking the young foal’s trance-like infatuation with the strange creature before him and sending the youngling scurrying away with tears in his eyes. The raccoon gave a triumphant scoff as he watched the frightened stripling scamper off.

“Serves em’ right.” However, the mammal’s victory didn’t last long, as a much larger and clearly angry unicorn charged toward him and Fluttershy, the frightened foal from earlier hiding behind one of her rear legs. She shot a disgusted look toward the offending woodland creature before turning her laser-like stare toward Fluttershy.

“How can you let that thing just run around scaring ponies like that? Aren’t you supposed to have your pets on a leash or something?” Fluttershy opened her mouth to respond, but an incredulous shout from her companion cut her off.

“WHAT?! Oh, that’s it!” the mammal snarled as he detached his gun from the back of his suit and extended the barrel. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your life as a glue stick!” The raccoon’s gun whirred to life with a high pitched, pneumatic whine, but before he could even think to pull the trigger, he found himself being collared and led away by his yellow compatriot.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, ma'am,” Fluttershy offered as she led the still fuming woodland creature as far away from the two ponies as possible. “And I’m sure my friend feels just awful about scaring your little one.” The mammal scoffed.

“Yeah right,” the raccoon pointed a claw dangerously in the scowling mother’s direction. “You better believe if she wasn’t here to stop me, you’d be nothin’ but a red streak in the dirt!” Fluttershy blanched white, the woodland creature’s statement causing her to push him all the more urgently.

“Let’s just focus on getting to Twilight’s house for now, okay?” Fluttershy pleaded. The mammal growled low and guttural as he was escorted toward the towering spire in the distance.

Wreathed in the translucent glow of the sun shining through the window panes, Princess Celestia sat and waited. The sound of chains clinking and hooves against tile caught the princess’s attention, and she straightened herself on her throne as the door to her throne room cracked open.

Her hawkish, imperial gaze never left the three lanky, bipedal creatures for a second as their chained forms ambled into the throne room. The prisoners were shoved into line by the royal guard, who came to surround them on all sides, spears at the ready. Celestia took a brief moment to let her aged stare linger on them before she addressed the potential threat to Equestria’s safety.

“Why have you come here?” Her voice had taken on the authoritative, serious tone she adopted whenever she needed to sound intimidating. The rattling of chains was the only sound offered to her.

“What business do you have here in Equestria?” She tried again, sounding no less imposing. However, her show of power didn’t seem to have any effect.

“Answer me!” she ground out, stomping a hoof. One of the gangly creatures shuffled forward, a blithesome smirk on his face.

“We ain’t here to cause no one any trouble,” he started, his accent thick. “We jus’ came here lookin’ for one of our boys.”

“There are more of you?”

“Jus’ a lil guy-what looks like a raccoon, and his buddy-big sunuvabitch, looks kinda like a walking tree.”

“A walking tree?”

“Yeah, strange as all git out, ain’t it? But anyway, them two broke an important rule of our little outfit here and we was lookin’ to take em back with us and teach em’ a lesson.” Celestia raised a brow at him.

“Back where?”

“To our ship.”

“So you’ve come here by sea?”

“Not exactly.”

“What then?” the princess demanded. “How did you get past Equestrian borders undetected?” The prisoner cracked a wicked grin, Celestia remained unamused.

“I’d tell ya, but you probably wouldn’t understand a lick ah what I was sayin’, anyway.” Celestia’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“Try me.” The snake like grin on her captive’s face stretched wider as she said this. On the outside, Celestia remained unphased.

“Have you ever heard of a little thing called a trans-spacial generator?” It was obvious from the distinct lack of a response that Celestia had no idea what the prisoner was talking about. However, she kept her stone-faced guise firmly attached, not wanting to betray even the slightest hint of bewilderment to these new and potentially dangerous creatures.

“Thought so,” the creature breathed. “I think it would be in your best interest ta let us deal with those traitors of ours. They’ll undoubtedly be using tech that’s far beyond anything you’ve seen here so far, and they are known throughout the galaxy as some of the most ruthless bounty hunters around.”

The wiry creature gave Celestia a grin worthy of fangs and horns. “I’d hate for one of these pretty little horsies to get hurt messin’ with tech they don’t understand.” Celestia’s eyes widened at the brazen show of disrespect that was being shown in her presence. She slammed a hoof down, her voice deadly serious.

“Enough. Guards, take these prisoners to the dungeons and increase the frequency of patrols over all of Equestria. I will not have the peace that has persisted in Equestria for thousands of years broken by the squabbles of such foul, ill-mannered creatures.”

“Yes, ma’m!” the guards saluted in unison, shoving the prisoners into line again and escorting them out of the throne room. The gaunt specimen that had addressed Celestia gave the princess one last devilish grin before the doors creaked shut and Celestia was left to ponder the appropriate measures she should take.

“I must notify the elements of harmony at once.”

Allegretto

“You sure this friend of yours can help? Because, based on what I’ve seen so far, I feel like nobody on this entire planet even knows what century it is.”

                “Oh, don’t worry. Not only is Twilight a princess, she’s also really, really smart. I’m confident that if there was anyone on this whole planet that could help you, it’d be her.”

                “You seem pretty fond of this chick.”

                “Well, I mean she HAS saved Equestria three times already-“

                “Really?” The mammal asked archly. Fluttershy nodded. “Whaddya know. Maybe there is someone on this backwards planet that can help me after all.”

                Fluttershy and her bipedal companion finally reached the impressive double doors that served as Twilight’s front door. Fluttershy grabbed the length of surprisingly thick rope that hung freely from the building, giving it a hard tug and immediately bracing herself.

DONG! DONG! DONG! DONG!

Fluttershy’s ears reflexively folded atop her head as the bell nestled in the steeple atop Twilight’s castle gave a succession of angry chimes. Her companion on the other hand hadn’t been privy to the impending assault, and was keeled over next to her, his paws clasped over his own ears.

                “Ah, flarkin hell!”

                “Yeah…I may have forgotten to mention that.

                “You think?!” Fluttershy flashed him an apologetic grin. Her companion scowled at her.

As the two beings outside the castle writhed, the door was thrust open, revealing the face of an irritated looking baby dragon.

                “I thought you said you were gonna do something about the doorbell,” he called over his shoulder, biting back the wince in his voice as best he could. Spike grumbled under his breath and turned to address his visitors. “Oh, hey Fluttershy, what’s up?”

Fluttershy — who was still recovering from the brutal attack on her sensitive ears — gave the baby dragon the most amicable smile she could muster given the circumstances.

                “Oh, hello Spike. Is Twilight home?”

                “Yeah, but she’s kinda busy right now, some magical breakthrough or something. Is it urgent?”

“Oh, um I mean…I guess it’s not too important. We’ll just come back later.”

                “We?” Spike poked his head out the doorway only to be knocked onto his rear as what looked like a raccoon walking completely upright pushed past him and into the castle.

        “What in Equestria is that?!

        “Oh.. Spike, Fluttershy stuttered. This is um-”

        “It walks on two legs!” Spike squawked, so in awe of the strange new creature currently poking around the inside of the castle that he made no moves in the way of stopping it.

        “Oh boy, we got a real einstein over here.” The mammal mocked.

        “It talks too?!” Spike gaped in awe.

        “Yes, it does talk.” The mammal interjected hotly. “And it would also like to know who runs this tacky lookin’ joint.” Spike shook the stars out of his eyes and picked himself up off the floor, puffing out his chest as far as he could.

        “How do you know you’re not looking at him?”

        The raccoon scoffed. “No offense, kid, but you don’t look like much of a princess.”

        “P-princess?” Spike stammered. “Who said anything about a princess?” The mammal jabbed a claw in Fluttershy’s direction.

“Your friend over there told me princess what’s her face could get me back to someplace that makes sense.” The raccoon started angrily toward the archway separating the main thoroughfare from the rest of the castle. Spike scurried in front of him, trying to cover as much of the doorway as possible with his tiny limbs.

        “There’s nobody here by that name. Try coming back later.” The raccoon sneered at the tiny dragon blocking his path before grabbing a handful of his tail and hoisting him into the air.

        “Listen, kid. I just got teleported to a planet I know nothing about full of freaky horse creatures that think I’m some sorta sideshow attraction with no way of getting back to the real world. So I’m pretty sure the last thing I need right now is lip service from a gecko.” The biped cavalierly tossed the smaller creature to the floor, who shot him a positively seething glare over his shoulder.

        “For your information,” Spike cut in sharply, dusting himself off. “I happen to be a dragon. Not only that, I’m also Princess Twilight’s trusted advisor and most loyal and dear friend.”

        “You? A dragon? But you’re so…”

        “Small?” Spike deadpanned.

        “I was gonna say girly lookin.’”

        “Girly looking?” Spike asked dryly.

        “You’re purple,” the raccoon answered just as dryly. “And you’re wearing an apron.” Spike — having just noticed that his apron was still indeed tied snugly around his waist — hurriedly removed the offending article of clothing, turning his gaze to the floor to hide his badly burning cheeks.

        “Whatever, I’m still not letting you disturb the princess while she’s working. You’ll just have to come back-” The thrum of machinery cut the little dragon off, who looked up to find an impressive length of metal just inches from his face.

        “I think you’ll find that I ain’t really the patient type.” Spike balked at the barrel of the massive piece of machinery, scurrying backward as the heat from the churning plasma warmed his face.

        “Twilight, HELP!”

A burst of purple light followed almost immediately after the dragon’s plea, the sudden brightness blinding both Spike and Fluttershy and sending the gun toting mammal reeling backward in shock. As the woodland creature stumbled — still attempting to shield his over stimulated eyes — he felt the familiar weight of his gun suddenly become lighter.

        Shaking his head to clear the spots from his vision, he looked down only to notice his gun separated into pieces, each piece surrounded by a sheen of purple light. A brief moment later found his entire body wreathed in the same translucent glow before he was lifted completely off the ground and all but slammed into the wall.

Another purple flash lit the room, bringing the snarling face of his aggressor nearly nose to nose with his own.

        “Who are you?” The purple unicorn demanded, her horn poised and ready. “What business do you have in Equestria?”

        “Twilight, wait!” Fluttershy yelled, wedging herself in between her oldest friend and her newest acquaintance. “I know he might seem a bit prickly, and maybe a tiiiiny bit rough around the edges, but I can assure you that he’s actually quite charming once you get to know him.”

        “That’s not what this letter from Princess Celestia says!” A large piece of parchment — written in ostentatious gold lettering and stamped with the royal insignia — popped right into Fluttershy’s field of vision. The pegasus blinked at the document before grabbing it out of Twilight’s magical field and beginning to read.

        “Foreign entities in Equestria… Canterlot taking preemptive action… Guards dispatched to every town… Insurgents considered armed and dangerous?!”

        “Exactly!” Twilight exclaimed, disposing of the scroll before Fluttershy could continue. “We know next to nothing about any of these creatures or exactly what kind of threat they pose to Equestria. Who’s to say he isn’t biding his time until he can rescue his friends back in Canterlot?”

        Fluttershy shook her head. “You’ve got it all wrong. He’s not a threat, honest. He just want to get back home.” Twilight was still far from persuaded, but she found she was still no match for the large, puppy-dog eyes from Fluttershy.

        “You promise?” Fluttershy nodded.

“Pinkie promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye?” Fluttershy winced as her hoof connected roughly with her eye.

“You should listen to her princess,” the mammal interrupted. “She knows what she’s talkin’ about.” Twilight’s face turned up into a disapproved scowl as she let the magical field surrounding her captive down, dropping him to the floor.

“I will listen to her, because I trust her. You on the other hand, not so much.”

“I don’t blame ya,” the raccoon said, getting up and dusting himself off. “You don’t even know me.”

“Well, that could change,”

The raccoon scoffed. “I didn’t exactly come here to make friends.”

“I didn’t say we had to be friends, but I’d feel a heck of a lot more inclined to help someone if I knew at least something about them.”

“Fine, whaddya wanna know?”

“How about we start with a name?”

“Rocket,” the mammal said simply.

“Rocket?”

“Yeah, Rocket. Got a problem with it?”

“Not at all. It’s a...lovely name.”

Rocket offered her another scoff. “That all?”

        “Fluttershy mentioned that you wanted to get home?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Mind telling me exactly where that is?” Rocket casually pointed a claw toward the ceiling. Everyone else in the room turned their eyes upward.

        “You’re from the ceiling?” Spike cut in with his usual dry skepticism. Rocket slapped a paw over his face.

        “No, not the ceiling. Space. Y’know...like outer space?” A sharp gasp erupted from somewhere in the room and something collided hard with Rocket, sending him to the floor yet again.

        “Oh my gosh, you’re from OUTER SPACE?!” Twilight all but squealed, her eyes displaying a child-like wonder that was usually reserved for the likes of her party pony friend.

        “Umm, Twilight,” Fluttershy attempted to cut in. However, Twilight was far too excited to pay any attention.

 “I can’t believe you’re actually from outer space. I’ve never met anypony — well I guess you’re not technically a pony are you? Still I’ve never met anyone from outer space ohmygosh this is so exciting, I don’t even know where to start. “

“Twilight-” Fluttershy tried again, only to be thoroughly ignored.

“Do they have hayburgers in space? Who am I kidding, of course they don’t have hayburgers in space, that would just be ridiculous-” a tap on the shoulder broke Twilight out of her fit of eccentric babbling.

“Twilight,” Fluttershy started, pointing a hoof downward. Twilight followed her friends hoof to the animal squirming and writhing underneath her. The princess of friendship scrambled clumsily off of her party guest. Rocket couldn’t have looked more cross if he tried.

“Sorry.”

“Jeez,” the mammal wheezed, sucking air back into his starved lungs. “Are you always so hospitable?”

Twilight blushed. “I guess I got a little excited.”

“A little?”

“Okay, maybe a lot excited. Still, I have so many questions. I mean, it’s not every day we get visitors from outside Equestria, let alone outer space.”

“Don’t get used to the company,” Rocket huffed. “I don’t plan on stayin’ any longer than it takes to find a way outta here, with or without your help.”

“What’s makes you so sure I can help?”

“Honestly, so far I ain’t impressed.” Rocket pointed a claw at Fluttershy. “But according to her you’ve got some serious chops.”

“Oh, I probably don’t have any more...chops than anypony else.”

“Twilight,” Spike cut in. “We talked about this. It’s okay to gloat once in a while.”

 “Spike!” Twilight hissed, pushing the dragon away with a hind hoof. Rocket crossed his arms and tapped his foot, the barest hints of a smirk visible on his muzzle.

“So what’re we talkin’ here? Cyborg? Mutant? Shapeshifter? Maybe some kinda weird all powerful psychic or something?" Twilight turned to Fluttershy, desperate for an explanation. Fluttershy merely shrugged.

“Well, I don’t like to brag but I know my way around a magic spell or two-”

“Wait wait wait, hold up. Did you just say ‘magic spell?” Twilight’s eyes darted around nervously, obviously at a loss for words.

“Um...yes.”

        “You can do magic? LIke ’turn you into a toad for lookin’ at me funny’ kinda magic?”

        “Well, I don’t know about a toad but...”

        “Well why in the flark didn’t you say so? Rocket exclaimed, taking a firm hold of Twilight’s face. “All you gotta do is zap me back up into space or whatever it is you do and I’ll be outta your hair and hopefully I’ll never have to see another talkin’ horse again for as long as I live.”

        “I would except that’s not how it works.” Rocket let go of her face, causing the princess of magic to drop to the floor in a heap.

        “Whaddya mean?”

        “I mean-” Twilight started as she picked herself up. “-I can’t just poof you back into space or something. Do you know how hard it is to move something from one end of Ponyville to the other-let alone  to outer space? Plus I don’t think a spell like that has even been invented yet; and even if it has, you would need an extremely powerful unicorn to pull it off.”

        “So you’re useless after all?” Rocket stated. Twilight growled low in her throat but was intercepted by Fluttershy before she could pounce.

        “Maybe there’s some other way we can help?” Fluttershy offered.

“What about you?” Twilight asked.

Rocket stared challengingly back at her “What about me?”

“You don’t have anything with you that could maybe help?”

“Oh, sure. Lemme just get out my trust communicator and tell Spock to beam me up.”

        “...I don’t even know what that means!”

        Rocket scoffed and threw down his bag, picking up the pieces of what used to be his weapon and stowing them safely inside. “It means that besides what’s in this bag — and the weapon you just dismantled-” Rocket stopped mid sentence, his eyes growing to the size of dinner plates. “Wait, where the flark is it?”

        “Where’s what?” Fluttershy asked. Rocket didn’t seem to hear her.

        “It has to be in here, I had it when-” Rocket’s eyes snapped to Fluttershy, who looked a bit taken aback; and then, before she could react, he was in her face, looking equal parts frantic and angry. “We gotta go back to your shack!”

        “Cottage,” Fluttershy corrected.

        “Whatever, just take me back there, pronto.” Rocket demanded, grasping onto Fluttershy’s ears.

        “Did you lose something?” Fluttershy asked, prying the mammal’s claws from her ears with a wince.

        “I didn’t lose anything-” He answered pointedly, gathering up all of the things he’d strewn about and slinging the bag over his shoulder. “-just...misplaced it.”

        “What did you misplace?”

        “Think of it like a battery.”

        “A battery?”

        “Yeah, y’know, a battery.” Rocket said as he hoisted himself and his bag atop the pegasus. “You put em in stuff, it makes em’ work.”

        “And you think you left it back at my cottage?”

        “I mean it makes sense seeing as how the only two places I’ve been are here and there.” Rocket grabbed ahold of his steed’s mane and tapped her impatiently in the sides with his feet. “Hurry up wouldja. The sooner we find that thing the better.” Fluttershy turned toward the castle’s entrance but was stopped in her tracks when Twilight teleported in front of her.

        “Wait! You can’t just go flying around out there. Don’t you remember what that letter from Princess Celestia said? There could be who knows how many guards out there right now looking for him. Not to mention what would happen if they saw you helping him. I mean, do you even realize how insane-” Rocket had long since dismounted from Fluttershy, clamping a paw over Twilight’s mouth to stop her rambling.

        “Oh, would you relax? I’ve been on the lamb pretty much my entire life okay? I know a thing or two about givin’ the authorities the run around. Besides, even if they did catch me — I’ve escaped sixteen prisons, including some of the galaxies more...refined establishments. I think I can handle a few talkin’ horses with a hardon for fair play. Plus, it’s not like they know where I am or anything.”

A chorus of terrified screams cut off the pointed reply Twilight had brewing in her muzzle, causing every occupant in the castle to jump slightly in alarm. The mismatched company scrambled toward the window beside the door, Rocket clamoring his way onto Fluttershy’s back as to get a better view at what had caused the commotion.

“What in Equestria is that?!” Twilight squawked.

“Is that…” Spike started.

“...a walking tree?” Fluttershy finished.

Rocket sighed, pulling at his whiskers in frustration. “Ah, flarkin hell…”

“I...AM...GROOT!!!”

Cantabile

Three scraggly, bipedal creatures drug themselves down the corridors of Canterlot Castle, flanked by four of the castle’s most decorated guards.

        “Oi, this is cruel and unusual punishment, this is.” The spindly human in the back complained, effectively stopping the other prisoner’s progression. One of the guards bringing up the rear growled and shoved him forward.

        “Shut up and keep walking.” The bi-ped’s feet begrudgingly began shuffling forward again.

        “We ain’t even done nothin’ wrong.” The prisoner continued, his appeals remaining largely unheeded as the guards continued to march them lower and lower into the bowels of the castle. “What about the right to a fair trial? This is unlawful negligence of the entire criminal justice system!”

“Would you quit hollerin’ and just keep walkin’, Marv.”

“You gonna let em’ treat us like this, Sal? We ain’t done nuthin’ but show up ‘ere and they’re already treatin’ us like bloody criminals!”

“They have every right to be suspicious of us.  After all, we did just show up on their property uninvited an’ all.”

“But we ain’t even done nothin!’”

“Be quiet prisoner!” Another hard shove from the guard behind him effectively cowed the distressed man into silence.

The procession came to stop in front of a particularly squalid looking cell. The unicorn guard in front used his magic to pry open the door and the prisoners were carelessly tossed inside before the door was shut behind them.

“You’ll stay here until the princess decides what to do with you.”

“You see that, Sal?”  The awestruck man shuffled up to the bars of the cell and shot a disbelieving look at the unicorn guard. “He opened the door without even touchin’ it!”

“Yeah, I seen it.” The man with the heavy southern accent moved toward the front of the cell “How’d you do that?”

“What, you don’t have magic where you come from?”

“By magic do you mean like a Fairytale, fantasy-land, children’s story book type deal?” The guard exchanged confused looks with his compatriots.

“What corner of Equis do you hail from, stranger?”

“Look, like I told your queen. We ain’t from round’ here, pal.”

“And I’m telling you right now that the sooner you cooperate with us, the sooner we can get you out of that cell and back to wherever it is you came from.” The man laughed at his captor, leaning casually on the cell door with one leg crossed over the other.

“Well, we ain’t goin’ nowhere right now, so you might as well tell us about how you do that fancy trick ah yours and then maybe we can tell ya a little somethin’ about where it is we come from. You know, a — you scratch my back I scratch yours — kinda deal.”

“Why would I want to scratch your back?”

“Figure ah speech. Look, we’re burnin’ daylight here. We both know you don’t wanna be spendin’ valuable man...er-horse power guardin’ us humans; an’ all we want is outta this cell and back to our ship so we can go about our business. So why not just open up this cell an’ let us go? You can tell your princess we scurried off and no one’ll be the wiser.”

The guard scoffed, making his way back toward the stairs, his comrades quickly falling in behind him. The man’s mouth shifted into an agitated sneer.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you it’s rude to walk away in the middle of a conversation?”

“Save your breath. I don’t bargain with suspected criminals.” The man followed the retreating flank of the guard with an impish smirk playing at his lips.

“I reckon it’s a bit unethical for someone in your position, but the way I see it, it’s actually a win for both sides. I mean, how do you know that we didn’t want to get inside the castle the entire time?” The guard’s hoof paused on the very first step.

“And do what exactly? You have no weapons and no way of launching any sort of offensive from in there.”

“Oh, really?” The man shook his leg and then kicked it outward sharply, catching a miniature pistol in his right hand. He rounded on the cell door and shot three quick shots through the bars and into the crumbling stone next to the procession of guards. The guards blinked owlishly for a few moments before jumping into a protective phalanx, their commander and ranking officer at the epicenter.

“He’s got some sort of magic! Protect the commander at all costs!” Each guard in the formation raised their spears toward the three prisoners.. The man laughed almost evilly, twirling the gun on his finger.

“Ya know for such efficient lookin’ soldiers ya sure do a pretty piss poor job ah searchin’ somebody.” The commander growled at his assailant but made no moves otherwise.

 “But whatever, right? I’m a reasonable guy.” The man bent down slowly and placed his gun on the floor, kicking it through the bars and into the hallway not ten feet from the wall of shimmering horns. “See? Disarmed.” The commander’s eyes ping-ponged from the man in the cell to the gun lying in the middle of the hallway.

“Private,” he nodded toward the object. One of the ponies occupying the flank broke away and moved toward the foreign object. The soldier allowed himself a brief moment of hesitation before his years of training kicked in and he slid the weapon even further down the hall into the care of his unit before retaking his position and reestablishing the integrity of their phalanx.

“Prisoners, relinquish whatever auxiliary weapons you may have and move toward the back of your cell or we will have no choice but to exercise deadly force!” The commander boomed. The man smiled at him.

“We would but I reckon ya already dun took everything we had on us. I’d venture to say we're cooped up tighter than a couple ah hens in the middle ah winter.” The commander marched up to the cell, his company surrounding him like a second skin.

“I guess we’ll just have to make sure this time, won’t we?” The unicorn’s horn came alight and the next instant found the three men in the cell bathed in a pearlescent white sheen and lifted several inches into the air.

“Bloody e’ll!”

“What the heck?”

Every knife, gun or weapon of any kind they thought they had kept expertly hidden was taken from their person and loaded into a duffle bag held by one of the guards. After they had been thoroughly searched and disarmed, the unicorn roughly discarded the men into the back of the cell with a flourish from his horn.

        “That wasn’t very hospitable.” The man coughed.

` The commander snorted. “You brought it on yourself.”

        “Boy, you talkin’ horses sure do know how to make a fella feel welcome.” The commander smirked sideways at him through the bars of the cell

        “We do our best.”

        “I already feel like one ah the family..”

        “Great. You can be the creepy distant cousin that lives in the dungeon that we tell the foals stories about to make them behave.”

        “Sounds perfect.”

        “I’m glad we’ve reached an agreement,” the commander took a moment to straighten himself up and regain his composure before he began walking away again.

        “Hol’ on a sec partner. I reckon this deal ain’t on the up an’ up. We complied with your demands and you still ain’t held up your end of the bargain. Specifically the lettin’ us out part”

        “So you can make some sort of attempt on the princesses’ life? I don’t think so.“The soldier took naught but another half step before he was roughly collard around the neck by a large, hairy arm.

“What do you think you’re doing, release me this instant!”

“‘Fraid I can’t do that, partner, you already dun gone an’ wasted your chance. Now we do things our way.”

“CELESTIA WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS YOU HEATHENS YOU CAN BET YOUR LIVES ON-” a hard tug on the commander’s neck effectively ended his raving diatribe.

“ Heathens? Oh, I think ya got it all wrong. Y’see, we ain’t such bad guys. I reckon we might be a tad rough around the edges, but when ya get down to brass tacks we can be reasonable as anybody.”

“I swear to Celestia I’ll-” Another hard tug on the commander’s neck and he was rendered silent once again.

“But when you go an’ do stuff like this. It reeeeally tends to get on our nerves. You know what I mean?” The guard continued to thrash and flail in the man’s grasp, which only served to tighten the hold around his neck.

The commander’s company reacted accordingly, squaring up angrily and raising their spears again.

“Release the commander this instant!” One of the guards demanded, the entire unit moving toward the cell. “Or we will be forced to take lethal action!”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” The man flexed his wrist and a miniature barrel extended from the skin underneath his forearm.

“Now, if you want your captain’s brains to remain inside his head where they belong, you’ll unlock that there cell door and give me an’ the boys back our stuff, ya hear?” The guards shared tentative looks between one another, uncertainty written plainly on each one of their faces.

“Don’t hesitate, boys, not even for an instant!” The commander shouted, still fighting against the arm wrapped around his neck. “Remember what you were taught! Never yield to any foe, no matter what tactical advantages they might have!”

        “He’s right,” one of the guards at the front agreed. “There’s only three of them and there’s five of us. Don’t let them intimidate you!” All five of the guards retook their readied stances and raised their spears at the human holding their commander hostage and the man in turn took a more firm hold on his captive’s neck.

        “Y’all sure this is the road you wanna take? His brains are literally in your hands...er hooves.” Despite the bout of reassurance their acting commander had tried to embolden them with, the company of guards still seemed hopelessly lost as to the appropriate action to take. “You still have another option, y’know.” The man informed. “Just unlock this here door and nobody has to get hurt.”

There was a clear restlessness present on the faces of all five of the pegasi, yet none of them made any sort of definitive moves. Each of the five pegasi looked to one another, uncertain, and then back to their commander before the guard nearest the front of the formation stepped forward.

“Crucible, the keys.”

“You can’t!” The commander protested, his violent struggling returning with even greater fervor.

“I won’t let you die here, commander. I can’t let you do that to your family.” The pegasus was handed a ring of keys by another and he moved toward the door.

“Corporal, you are not to move one more step, that is an order!  You are not to put the needs of one over the needs of many. Have you forgotten what you were taught?” Despite the explicit order from his captain, his hooves continued to move.

“Order respectfully denied, Captain. I was also taught to never leave a comrade behind, no matter how bleak the circumstances might seem.”

“Corporal, I swear to Celestia if you open that door, I’ll have you hanged in the courtyard for all to see!”

“I’ll take that chance, captain.” The key to the door was slipped into the lock and there was an audible click before the door was swung wide open.

“You have what you wanted, now let the commander go.” The human smiled impishly, displaying two rows of jagged, dagger like teeth

“I would but I’ve grown kinda fond ah him. I think I’ll hold onto him just a lil’ longer-insurance and all-you understand.” The corporal growled from the pits of his stomach.

“That wasn’t the deal.” The man’s smile widened to the outer reaches of his face.

“Now, that ain’t fair. I said I’d let em’ go didn’t I? We just gotta keep em’ around ta make sure y’all don’t try anythin’ funny fore’ we get outta here. Gustav, come grab our little get outta jail free card if you would be so kind.”

There was a rustle of movement from inside the cell, followed by what sounded like thunder shaking the ground. Finally-as the third and by and far the largest of the three men-came plodding out of the cell and into the torchlight, the corporal — and a good portion of his company — found themselves taking instinctual steps backward.

He was huge. He hadn’t seemed nearly as massive or intimidating when he was slumped over and bound in shackles; but to see him at his full height, towering over not only the guards, but his fellow delinquents with his impressive height made the corporal realize just how huge (and utterly terrifying) the man really was. However, his surprise only lasted for a few precious seconds, for when the hulking behemoth of a man trudged over to take their commander from his marginally smaller compatriot, the corporal saw it as an opportune moment to strike.

“Now!”

 In a rush of motion too fast for any of the men to react to, four of the guards rushed forward to thrust their spears at the gigantic man. However, when their spears hit, not the soft give of pliable flesh, but the hard, unforgiving shell of what felt like metal, the soldiers suddenly found themselves feeling incredibly vulnerable.

The towering man growled and with one swipe of his gargantuan arm, knocked all four guards clear across the room. The corporal charged the colossal man as well, leaping up and attempting to skewer the man through the neck. However, the large man was faster on his feet than he seemed and with a quick sweep of his massive hand, sent the commander careening into the wall with a sickening thud.

“You bastards!” The commander spat, the tip of his horn illuminating a spear one of his comrades had dropped. He was mere seconds away from flinging the weapon toward his captor when a hard impact with the back of his head knocked him unconscious. The man slung the limp body over his shoulder just as his comrades emerged from their cell.

“Damn, Gustav. Save some for the rest of us, will ya?” The man with the heavy southern accent said as he rotated his now sore shoulder. “Holdin’ onto that lil sucker did a number on the ol’ rotator cuff, though. I think I need ta loosen up a bit.” At that very moment, a hearty shout,  along with the rapid clopping of hooves, altered the three men to an onslaught of three charging guards.

“Perfect.” The man smiled wickedly and flexed his wrist, the barrel inside his forearm exploding with three powerful flashes of light. Waves of deep red crimson gushed out from each of the meager battalion of three, two of them falling to the ground in crumpled heaps while the third was thrown backward by the force of the bullet impacting his skull.

“Blimey, ya aim’s sharp as eva boss.” The smallest of the three commented, scurrying over to inspect the now unmoving bodies. “Got all three of em square between the eyes ya did.”

The other man laughed heartily. “Looks like all those years of playin’ darts and shootin’ craps were good for somethin.’” The flexed his wrist again, his hand detaching at the wrist, a small box sliding out of his arm. He tossed the device to his smaller companion before walking over and retrieving the satchel that contained their confiscated weaponry. “Gustav, secure our bargaining chip. Marv, get Yager on the line, tell em’ to bring the escape pod. I think I just figured out a solution to our little energy problem.”

        A rustle of movement and a pitiful groan caught the men’s attention and they all turned to find the corporal still alive and struggling to his hooves. The man with the heavy southern accent sauntered over to the guards-pony, a sadistic smile on his face.

        “You bastards!” the corporal spat along with a mouthful of blood and a few teeth. “You won’t get away with this.”

        The man crouched down in front of the corporal, cupping the pony’s maw and moving his head so that he was staring into his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”

        With that the man stood, pulling one of the pistol’s out of the satchel and pressing it to the corporal’s head, directly between his eyes. The corporal offered his aggressor a smirk dripping with blood.

        “I hope you burn in Tartarus.” The man’s mouth pulled into a sneer and he squeezed the trigger, staining the wall crimson red.