The Sun Has Lost Its Mind

by MareDoVVell

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 7489

Celestia has been acting strangely, and Luna is gonna figure out what's bothering her at any cost.

Something is bothering Celestia, enough to keep her up all night, every night. Enough to risk her screwing up, and revealing to all of Equestria what she is behind the facade of serene wisdom - a bizarre idiot. Thankfully Luna is on the case, determined to figure out what's going on with her sister, and help if she can, at least if they can stop bickering long enough to do that.

Possibly the dumbest Twilestia fic you'll ever read.

Sex tag is for sexually implicit dialog and situations.

Published 2015-03-12 16:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-31 02:59:26 UTC

Chapter 1

Luna trudged down the wide corridor leading from the kitchens to her quarters, her hooves dragging lightly against the thick carpet with each step. Her neck angled downward as she walked, her head elevated up just enough to see where she was going, and a Moon themed mug floated in front of her, held at a tired angle in her magic. She was, for all intents and purposes, the picture of exhaustion.

It had been a long, but productive night for her. She had conducted an important, if sparsely populated night court, checked in on the dreams of some of the more troubled ponies around Equestria, managing to dispense some cryptic advice she hoped would help, and she had even had time to visit a family of batponies that had recently taken up residence in one of the caves in the cliffs below Canterlot. It had been a very fulfilling evening of Princessing, but it had taken a toll on her physically, and all she could think of was the bed that drew nearer and nearer with each labored step.

As she made her way further down the hall, she heard a scraping sound, similar to that which her own hooves were making, coming from about where she estimated her Sister’s room was. She glanced upward, blinking dreariness from her eyes, just in time to see a large, white mass passing her in the hallway. “Good morning Sister.” She managed to say through a stifled yawn.

“Mmmfph.” Was the response she received in turn.

Luna continued her trek for about two seconds, her mind mostly already in her bed, when realization punted it from the pillows, down the hall, and square into her forehead. Her head shot up from it’s slumped position, stopping only because a neck happened to be attached.

She quickly checked her mental clock, a timepiece that was easily the third most accurate in all of Equestria, behind only her Sister, and a certain unicorn that occasionally liked to mathematically determine the exact time since creation for fun. Yep, it was indeed 6:37:28 AM, which meant that this “conversation” hadn’t happened correctly. Luna flashbacked to every morning she could remember off-hoof, minus a 1000 year gap, they had all started with the words “Good morning Sister” and “Mmmfph”, but today they had each come from the wrong muzzles.

Luna turned to look behind her, eyes widening enough to make the bags under them look considerably less exaggerated as she caught sight of Celestia a little ways down the hall. The Sun was slumped at the neck, her eyes up only enough to see where she was going, and her hooves scraped gently across across the carpet. She looked, for all intents and purposes, the picture of exhaustion, which set off more than a few alarms in Luna’s head. She turned momentarily back to look towards her bedroom, a wistful look flashing into her eyes as she thought of familiar pillows and blankets, before sighing and turning back around, sleepy-time tea sloshing from her mug, and began trotting after the sad looking mound of white that had just turned a corner.

It didn’t take very long for The Moon to catch up to her slow moving sibling, so much so that she almost crashed into a rather large rump as she rounded the corner. “Hey Sunbutt, why ya so grumpy? That’s usually my thing this time of day.” She said with all the subtlety of an exploding star. Over the millenia, Luna had found the best way to deal with her Sister when she was in a mood was to be endearingly, startlingly obnoxious.

Celestia jumped, wheeling herself around in panic. “Luna! You scared the Tartarus outta me!” She said with a gasp. Luna glared suspiciously. That nickname almost never failed to rile Celestia up, always earning her at least an I will send you back to the Moon tinted frown. Something was definitely wrong.

“Ok. Tia, something is up, and you are going to tell me what.” A mix of both determination and caring wormed their way into Luna’s matter-of-fact statement.

Celestia cringed. “I-is it really that obvious?” The question was met with an unmoving, blue and purple frown. “I may not be sleeping all that well lately, and it’s beginning to wear on me I’m afraid.” Celestia sighed, hoping her sister would take the words at face value.

Luna frowned a little harder. “What could possibly be interrupting your sleep? That hasn’t happened since...well since the old me gave you that one nightmare...the one about the cake and...”

“STOP!” Celestia’s eye twitched, a haunted looking expression crossing her face.

“Sorry, sorry, though that was probably some of Nightmare Moon’s finest work.” Luna said sheepishly. She still felt guilty, but found that acknowledging her old monster was the best way to excise it.

Celestia merely glared, before shaking her head, as if to dislodge the memory, and then sighed again. “Well you aren’t too far off, the problem may admittedly be dream related. I’ve just been keeping myself awake instead, which I’m sure will clear it all up in no time!”

Luna’s eyebrow shot up, finally taking in just how frazzled her sister looked. “If it’s not me, what could possibly be giving you nightmares?”

“Well...” Celestia started, her mind casting around for a believable excuse, panic rising rapidly within her as her mind blanked again and again. Just as an idea started to form, she noticed the worried pair of eyes in front of her, ruining everything. She couldn’t lie to her little sister now, not when she was being so annoyingly nice. “I...” She paused as she felt an unusual heat spread across her cheeks. “I didn’t say nightmares, I said dreams.”

Her voice sounded defeated, but Luna immediately noticed a small smile crease her mouth. Luna’s initial reaction was confusion, but she wasn’t the Princess of dreams for nothing, and comprehension began to slowly dawn on her. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!”

Celestia felt the panic again and saw her window to escape this ‘sisterly concern’. “Yep, dreams, just dreams, that’s all, so now you know, it’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure I’ll be fine, um, I have to go to court, yeah, court, busy day, ruler of the day and all that heheh, you look tired, you should get some sleep, I’ll see you tonight, byyyyyyyyyyye!” She said in what sounded like a single breath before disappearing in a flash of gold.

Luna’s eyes widened in shock for what felt like the millionth time that morning. As the shock melted away, it was replaced by a fit of giggles. Oh this is gonna be fun, but first, I need a nap. her glee was vibrant as her wings fluttered her toward her room, the look of fatigue completely absent from the blue alicorn.

Meanwhile, in a different chamber of the castle, a number of dignitaries screamed dramatically as the room was filled with golden light, followed by a loud crack. In the wake of the commotion, they noticed a very cross looking Celestia sitting before them. Celestia surveyed the shock still on most of their faces with confusion, before remembering most of them have probably never witnessed a deity teleporting, let alone even an average pony. Well they would just have to get over it, but more importantly, why was her backside so uncomfortable?

Her throne felt small and tight around her. Oh this is just great, on top of everything, now I’m gaining weighhhhhhhhhhhht! Her inner voice whined. She looked down at the traitorous throne, wondering why it was silver, why the cushion was blue, and why Luna’s throne was gold and located where the her’s was supposed to be. Faust Damnit.

She coughed awkwardly as she stood, sidled over, and sat in her own chair. “Anyone who saw that may report to the guards out front for directions to the dungeons.” The calm in her voice sounded much more natural than it should have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Court had passed uneventfully, though Celestia had struggled to stay awake through much of it. Now she found herself in one of the many diplomatic meeting rooms around the castle, sitting behind a large desk. She was slumped over reading a large scroll, overly official text covering nearly every inch of it’s surface. Her eyes scanned along the document for a fourth time as three nervous looking dignitaries sat quietly and awaited for a response on the other side of the desk. She blinked a few times, trying yet again to both read the text and actually pay attention to it at the same time, a task she had failed at three times already.

‘The proposed farming regulation would effectively prevent any chance of...’ A subtle blue glow suddenly caused several of the letters on the page to re-arrange themselves, forming new words right where she was reading, shattering her almost successful attempt at reading the damned thing properly.

‘So it’s not a nightmare, but it’s still preventing you from sleeping? Was it the one about mom?’ She rolled her eyes and picked up a quill in her magic, adding a brief scrawl of her own to the document. The dignitaries’ expression showed they didn’t take the perceived amendment to their proposal well. As words of a calm blue light appeared on the once official document, words of a royal gold followed them in response.

‘No. Shouldn’t you be asleep?’

‘I had a wonderful nap, thank you. Was it the one where you get turned into an earth pony?’

‘No. Actually I sorta like that one.’

‘Well what about the one where you forget to wear your regalia to court?’

‘No. Stop asking.’

‘Is it the one where you run a school of hairless monkey monsters?’

‘No. I’m burning this scroll now.’

The building outrage of the dignitaries worsened when their precious and frankly absurd call to ban the use of plows on farms disappeared in a wisp of solar flame. At least that seemed to be what they wanted, she never really finished reading it after all “I’m truly sorry gentlcolts, but I can’t grant such a request at this time, though I will be happy to consider a revised version at a later date.” She just barely managed to keep the sisterly irritation from her voice.

As the three stallions began to process the answer they had just received, one of their expressions suddenly went blank, as if they were just shut off. “It was the sexy doughnut dream wasn’t it?” the pony suddenly blurted out. The other two starred at him, mouths agape as he used his hoof to immediately close his jaw, where a faint blue light had just vanished. As more of his senses came back to him he looked to his comrades with confusion, but they were too busy looking horrified to react.

“YOU SWORE YOU’D NEVER SPEAK OF THAT!” Celestia seemed to be screaming at the ceiling, an inferno of fury burning in the words. She looked back down at the dignitaries, who lay in pile, passed out in terror. “Please excuse me.” She said through gritted teeth before teleporting from the room.

She reappeared in her sister’s chambers,the burst of light from the magic which brought her there had seemed to emit the anger the elder sister was feeling as it practically singed the carpet. Frank displeasure was written on Celestia’s face as she watched Luna roll around on her bed in fits of laughter.

“Are you sure, because I didn’t sleep for weeks after walking in on that one!” Celestia stared daggers at her, entirely unamused. After a few more minutes Luna managed to take a few deep breaths and calm herself. “Just tell me already, you know I’m just gonna find out tonight anyways.”

Celestia started to protest but knew there was nothing that could stop her sister’s curiosity. Instead she just sat and pouted for a moment. “But it’s embarrassing.” The words were half mumble, half whine, and very un-princess-ly. Luna grinned in anticipation, knowing she had won.

Celestia sighed dramatically. “Lulu...I think...I think I’m gay.” She whispered before cringing, her eyes snapping closed for a moment. When she opened them again, she saw Luna looking bored and rolling her eyes.

“That’s it?”

She nodded timidly.

“I know that already!” Luna said crossly.

“Y-you do?”

Luna crossed her forehooves. “Tia, according to the last national census, which you openly participated in, something like 90% of mares are gay.”

Celestia looked a bit shocked at news of the well known fact. “Well that doesn’t automatically mean I’m...”

Luna rolled her eyes again. “How about the fact that, much to my displeasure, I’ve walked in on you getting intimate with some random pony or another a million times.”

Her sister’s white cheeks reddened slightly. “You have?”

“Yes, you know that I have, since half the time you’re in my bedroom instead of your own! Last time it happened, you looked up at me, stuck your tongue out, and winked!” Now Luna was the one who looked furious, both at the recollection of Celestia’s antics and her lame confession.

“I forgot about that.” Celestia chuckled, a somewhat cruel grin spreading across her face.

“It also took about four days to get the smell of booze out of my sheets. So thanks for that, sure is fun doing laundry. Anyways,” Luna huffed, “that hardly answers my question. You have plenty of dreams about mares, I know because many of them have left me irreparably mentally scarred. Why would they cause anypony besides me to lose sleep?

Celestia suddenly looked guilty as Luna neared the actual cause of her self-imposed insomnia. “This one is different...it’s about...” The panic struck her again as she tried to say it. “I-I don’t wanna talk about it!” She squeaked before teleporting again.

Luna stalked to the wall that separated her and Celestia’s chambers, banging a forehoof on it a few times. “You’re acting like that yellow pegasus Twilight hangs out with!” There was no response. “I’M GOING TO FIND OUT ANYWAYS!” Silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna stared down at her prey, passed out ungracefully on the floor, a drugged cup of tea lying nearby, it’s contents seeping into the rug. Moonlight spilled in from a window, giving the scene an ominous glow “I warned you sister.” She whispered, a malevolent grin curling her lips, looking like every filly’s personal nightmare.

She began to hop excitedly from hoof to hoof, the childish dance shattering any spookiness the scene previously had. “Whatever this dream is, it should be good enough to blackmail you for decades!” She told the quietly snoring alicorn. “I should probably feel guilty about this...” She put a hoof to her chin contemplatively. “Nahhh.”

She closed her eyes and dove into Celestia’s dream, holding her breath excitedly as the mist began to form. In a matter of seconds she found herself seated at a common school desk. She cast her eyes to the front, taking in a tiny classroom, headed by a simple teacher’s desk with a blackboard mounted on the wall behind it.

The door suddenly opened and in stepped Twilight Sparkle, wearing horn rimmed glasses, a few books and scrolls held in her magic. She set the bundle on the desk and briskly turned to the blackboard, writing ‘Ms. Sparkle’ on it in neat horn-writing. “Alright settle down class, I am Ms. Sparkle, and this is Magic 101.” The unicorn said authoritatively as she began writing equations on the board.

At the mention of an entire class, Luna looked around her to find only one other student. Celestia was hunched over the small desk next to her, her eyes squinted with effort as she feverishly scribbled on the notebook in front of her. Luna leaned over a bit to see what she was writing, only to realize it was a crude drawing, the kind mothers would pin to the fridge with forced smiles after their foals handed it to them proudly. The image was of a scribbly white alicorn pressing it’s muzzle to that of a scribbly purple unicorn, and Celestia was in the middle of drawing a big heart around the whole thing. ”...Seriously?” Luna whispered incredulously at her sister.

Celestia turned to her and glared. “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” As Luna comtemplated punching her sister square in the shoulder, the sound of somepony clearing their throat drifted from the front of the room. Twilight was staring at them both. “Celestia, are you passing notes in my class?” She said sternly. “Bring it here right now!”

Luna had seen her sister fight in countless wars. She had seen her face down chaos itself. She had seen with her own eyes her reaction to a twisted monstrosity she still loved as a sibling. Never before had she seen Celestia look as terrified as she did now, nor did she realize it was possible for a white coated pony to look pale. “Are you sure this isn’t a nightmare?”

Author's Note

If you've read this far, I'm sure you've realized these two are very much not the Princesses from the show itself. They are inspired more by various fan creations across the internet, and if you'd like to get a better feel for them, I highly suggest watching the Two Best Sisters Play video series by 2Snacks, then reading Luna-AfterDark, and finally find an archive of Ask Princess Molestia(NSFW), as those three were the primary inspiration for Celestia and Luna as they appear here.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading! This is my first fanfic so some C&C would be more than welcome. I hope you enjoyed chapter 1, and chapter 2 should hopefully be along in the next week or two!

Special thanks to Vanderblast for editing!

Chapter 2

Luna tore her gaze from Celestia to look back to Twilight, who was still waiting, her hoof outstretched in anticipation of the piece of paper that had so rudely interrupted her class. “Sis, you may want to do something about that n...!” She was suddenly interrupted by the mild, slightly bitter taste of paper in her mouth.

“If you have ever loved me, even the tiniest bit, you will swallow that right now.” Celestia whispered urgently, retracting her hoof as quickly as it had extended to shove the incriminating note into Luna’s mouth.

Luna simply gave her a pitiful, slightly disgusted expression, but at seeing the panic and fear consuming Celestia, she clenched her eyes shut and swallowed, wincing the moment it was down. “You’re the worst,” she moaned as soon as her mouth was empty, giving a dramatic frown as if she had just been made to swallow curdled milk. She may have been playing the situation up a little, especially considering it was just a dream, but she could've sworn she could taste every bit of the paper and crayon.

“Oh shut up, it was just paper!” Celestia started to argue. The fear had leaked away a little, but she was still on edge, and getting into a good back and forth with Luna was always a good way to bleed off some extra adrenaline. Unfortunately any further words from either of them were cut off.

“Girls! I am so disappointed in both of you!” Twilight admonished from the front, beginning to walk towards both of them. “Celestia, you should know better than to pass notes in class, and on top of that you go and make even more of a fuss by torturing your poor sister!”

Luna grinned smugly as Twilight lectured Celestia, reveling in watching her squirm, but her victory was short lived as Twilight then turned on her. “And you Luna, I’ve told you before to stand up for yourself, and on top of that, you should know better than to be complicit in a crime by destroying evidence. You are normally so well behaved in my class!”

“What are you even talking about!” Luna yelled, beginning to get frustrated. She did not take being lectured well, she never had, possibly because it usually came from her big sister. Despite not coming from Celestia, this lecture was at the hands of a pony thousands of years her junior, and one that was just a dream figment at that. “You’ve told me no such thing, I've never been here before! You’re not even real, none of this is real! This is all just a stupid dream concocted by my idiot sister!” she raged.

“Well, be that as it may, I will not have you two hijacking my class.” Twilight said with a deadly calm. She was taking the revelation that she was apparently non-existent very well.

Luna deadpanned, pressing a hoof to her temple. “That’s it, this is dumb, I’m out.” she muttered, throwing her hooves up in exasperation before closing her eyes and sliding back into reality.

When she opened her eyes again she was back in the bedroom, still looming over Celestia’s quietly snoozing form. “That was completely ridiculous,” she fumed, giving her sister a stiff kick to the side.

Celestia startled awake almost immediately with an undignified snort. She had always been a light sleeper, a trait she was now deeply regretting. "What was that for?" she asked forlornly. "I was in the middle of class."

"Shut up you!" Luna's mood was not improved by Celestia's complaints. "It's not like you would've learned anything by leering at her butt all night! Not to mention anything you would have learned in that class would be things pulled from your own empty head! You know as well as I do that there was no class, there was no teacher Twilight, and while I can still taste it, there was no damned note! Now you are going to explain to me right now what has got you so spooked by that dream!"

Celestia winced and the tiny voice in the back of her mind insisting Luna would forget all about why any of this was happening went quiet. "I thought you wanted me to shut up?" she whispered the words, which normally would have sounded smug given the situation, but instead sounded oddly hopeful.

Luna merely crossed her hooves, staring daggers into Celestia and making it clear she wouldn't take silence as a suitable answer.

"Ugggh fiiiiiiiiiine." Celestia moaned, her body slumping forward like an under stuffed pillow. She knew it was time to just give in, so she closed her eyes and taking a breath to steady herself. "I have a huge crush on Twilight and it utterly terrifies me." she admitted with a very strange combination of a wince and a blush.

Luna starred at her suspiciously, looking for any sign of a lie or omission, but as best she could tell, this was finally the answer she was looking for, which disappointed her immensely. "That doesn't seem like much of a big reveal Tia, it doesn't even seem that in-ordinary, even watching from the moon I could tell you had a thing for your last student too, what was her name, Sunset something?"

Celestia's face crinkled with a lecherous grin. "Shimmer, Sunset Shimmer, yeah, she was super cute," she gushed. "She could just be so...so...mmm...mean!" her eyes were half-lidded at this point and she was clearly breathing a bit heavier. "It was awesome!"

Luna leaned away and grimaced at the look on her sister's face.

"You should have seen it," Celestia went on, not noticing Luna's discomfort. "This one time, I was trying to get her all riled up so she'd hit me! Then I could've made my move, the hate sex would have been sooooooo good!" Suddenly she snapped out of her lewd demeanor, now looking slightly sad. "Instead she just yelled a bunch and ran away, never saw her again after that."

Luna rolled her eyes, entirely unsurprised. "You are such a cradle-robbing pervert, y'know that?"

Celestia gasped at the accusation. "How could you say that about your own sister?! At least...at least...at least I don't like stallions!" she threw back, having been unable to come up with any worthwhile retort.

Instead of looking hurt by the lame jab, Luna merely huffed. "Don't remind me" she answered flatly. "Can you imagine the chaos if the public found out that another princess was actually straight, and single at that? The palace gates would be under siege in minutes by stallions wielding bouquets and chocolates." She mock dry heaved at the thought. "Thank the stars magical reproduction was discovered, or I'd be turned into some kind of Queen at a baby farm." She shuddered, having let the thought stick in her mind a little too long. "Anyways, you're not getting out of this that easily. If you are so willing to admit you've wanted to bed your students before, why are you avoiding your strangely innocent Twilight dreams?"

"The innocent part is the problem, this time it's different Luna!" Celestia groaned, looking worried again. "With Sunset and all the others it was totally normal, get em into my bed...or yours...then get em out again in time to raise the Sun, but with Twilight something's different and I can't figure out why!" She said the last words as if they were shattering her perception of reality, flailing her forehooves wildly.

Luna simply smirked. "And to think, it was only hours ago you discovered your sexuality, and now you're in love with Twilight Sparkle" she teased, secretly relieved to find her sister was even capable of feeling typical romantic affection.

"I am not in love with her!" Celestia shot back too quickly. "I just...think she's cute, and smart, and brave, and clever and..." Celestia paused, the building blush on her face reaching new levels as her eyes widened slightly. "...and I'm totally in love with her aren't I?" Her hooves were plastered to her face in a mixture of embarrassment and glee at the realization. The look faded away after a minute though, replaced by a troubled thousand yard stare. "Luna, I don't know how to be in love."

Luna just giggled, her general frustration with her sister starting to dissipate now that everything was in the open. "Being in love isn't something you learn how to do ya big dummy, you just sort of do it. Why don't you just go ask her out to dinner or something?" she suggested, already imagining the possibilities whimsically in her head. Despite being a bit of a shut in and a closeted heterosexual, she still had a deeply ingrained sense of romanticism, likely rivaled only by Cadance.

Celestia however, balked at the suggestion immediately. "I can't just swoop down into Ponyville and ask out Twilight Sparkle! Are you some kind of mad mare?!"

Luna was taken aback by her sister's reaction, not really sure why it seemed so outlandish a suggestion. "Why not? What's the big deal Tia?" Celestia hesitated a moment, but then opened her mouth to answer just in time for Luna to cut her off. "Is it because you're a Princess and she's not?"

"Of course not! You know I don't care about that," Celestia scoffed. "Besides even if I did, you know I could create a position for her in like less than two hours, maybe Grand Archlibrarian of all Equestria or something? She'd probably like that."

Luna put her hoof to her chin pensively for a moment. Now that the guessing game had started, they both knew she had to be given a few tries before the real answer was given. "Is it...because you've loved and lost so many times through your immortal life that you can't bare to let yourself fall in love again?!" She asked excitedly, acting way too cheery in the face of such a grim concept.

Celestia just rolled her eyes. "No, of course not. I just told you I've never felt like this about another pony before. Not to mention how could I possibly feel that emotionally damaged when I'm the ruler of a world of friendship obsessed candy horses? I couldn't feel sad if I wanted to," she said with a shrug.

Luna frowned, having been sure she had figured it out. "Well is it because you're immortal and she's not?" she asked, sounding considerably less confident.

Celestia shook her head. "Nope, you know as well as I do that she's going to figure out that dumb Starswirl spell once I give it to her, come to think of it that would solve the whole her not being royalty thing as well."

Luna smacked herself in the forehead with a hoof. "Oh right! I can't believe I forgot about that. Well I guess I give up then, why can;t you ask her out?" She probably could have come up with more guesses but now curiosity was getting the better of her.

Celestia responded by slumping down onto the ground and covering her face with her hooves, looking like a filly that was just told their birthday party was being cancelled. Out from under her hooves came a quiet whimper that sounded sort of like words but Luna couldn;t understand any of it.

Luna groaned, this was becoming a pattern. "Judging by the way this whole day has been going, I'm sure this is going to be a very dumb answer, just spit it out already!" She roughly prodded Celestia in the ribs as she said it, earning her a very gratifying squeak.

Celestia considered poking Luna back, but decided it wasn't worth the effort and instead let her hooves fall from covering up her muzzle. "I can't ask Twilight out because if I do, she's gonna say no" she said in a defeated tone.

Author's Note

So here it is, chapter 2, now fully edited!(Though nothing has actually changed from what I published a few hours ago heheh) Chapter 3 creation will begin soon!

Also, I'd like to thank everyone for reading, liking, and favoriting, it really means a lot and always gives me more enthusiasm to write more. I'm not as in love with this chapter as I was with chapter 1, but I'm still happy with how it turned out, and I think chapter 3 will be an absolute blast, cheers!

On a sidenote, if any of you lovely readers happen to be of the artsy persuasion and like my story enough, I would love to have some cover art, and would be more than happy to put up a piece from a reader.

Special thanks to Vanderblast for editing.

Chapter 3

Luna was, predictably, nonplussed by her sister's concerns, and just stared at her while she whined on the ground like a small filly. "You're joking right? That little magician would do pretty much anything for you. From what I hear, she ignored my impending return and her own crippling social anxiety just because you offhandedly told her to, and by letter even!" Luna waited for a moment but got no response. "Fine, if you have no good excuse, we are going to take care of this right now, I'm getting sick of all this nonsense."

If Celestia had been looking at her instead of sulking, she would have noticed Luna suddenly adopting a villainous grin before lighting her horn with a deep flare of magic. Celestia finally looked up in curiosity as she heard a soft pop, just in time to see a sleeping unicorn appear next to her sister, the same purple unicorn she so very much did, and yet did not, want to see. She let out a scream of surprise, making things worse by rousing Twilight, but in moments instinct took over and she sat upright, adopting a casual but dignified posture, her face slipping into an expression of calm collection.

Twilight slowly sat up, rubbing her hazy eyes to properly take in the scene surrounding her. "Princess? ...Am I dreaming?" She asked innocently, though she already knew the answer as she yawned deeply, restoring most of her faculties as her drowsiness started falling away.

Luna had to clamp her muzzle shut with both hooves to stop from laughing at the scene she had created, her mind jumping between wondering if Celestia would actually say what was on her mind and being impressed by her ability to fake a calm demeanor.

While Twilight was indulging in her yawn, Celestia took the opportunity to give Luna a glare that would probably have killed her, if the receiving pony hadn't been immortal, before snapping back to Twilight with a gentle smile. "I'm so sorry we woke you my Faithful Student, Luna was attempting to demonstrate a spell to me, but accidentally cast it on the wrong target, please allow me to send you home," she said apologetically, casting the spell before Twilight could respond. Unfortunately, despite her outward demeanor, Celestia's mind was currently an enormous mess of fury, anxiety, and fear, which made casting something as complex as long range teleportation rather difficult.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike had been happily curled up in his basket, until the sound of several heavily bound books made a cascade of thumps downstairs in the Library proper. "Twilight? Is that you?" He called sleepily.

"Yesssss." Was the half groaned response, causing him to roll back over and quickly fall back asleep.

Twilight found herself somehow crammed into the top shelf of a tall book case, having displaced several very old encyclopedias onto the ground below. "Princesses are the worst," she grumbled to herself, letting her head fall tiredly onto the decidedly uncomfortable shelf. She was just about to teleport out of the cramped position when a neatly wrapped present appeared in front of her, shoving yet more books onto the ground. She gave the package an annoyed look, but pulled it to her anyways and tore open the wrapping paper.

"I guess Princesses aren't so bad." She admitted to herself with a smile, before clutching the ancient but very well maintained tome that had been in the box to her chest happily. She quickly lit and levitated a candle up onto the shelf before opening the new book and beginning to read, completely forgetting she was in a bookcase.

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After the two had finally finished scuffling around on the ground trying to punch each other, Celestia was still glaring at Luna, though most of animosity was gone. "It took me months to find that first edition, I was gonna give it to her on her birthday, and now I need to find something else!" she complained from her grumpy perch on the bed.

"Oh relax you nutjob, her birthday isn't for another 7 months." Luna leaned back in the nearby couch she had hoisted herself into. "Besides, you should have just asked her, that would have made for an even better present," she added with a chuckle. "Why didn't you anyways? You've never been timid about anything really, I don't see how fear of rejection has got you so shaken, especially when we both know she'll say yes."

Celestia only frowned. "That's exactly the problem, she would say yes."

Luna scrunched her brows in confusion. "But you had just said you're sure she'd say no, which one is it?"

Celestia closed her eyes sadly. "She would say yes to Princess Celestia, but she'd never say yes to me." A hint of tears pressed out from under her eyelids as she gave her fears voice. "She would say yes whether or not she even felt that way about me, just to make me happy, which is awful enough, but even if I was lucky enough to know she was actually interested, she doesn't even know who I am." She sniffled a bit before continuing. "All she's ever known is that stupid, perfect Goddess I parade around in front of everyone. I'm not half as smart as she thinks I am, I'm not clever, or funny, or pure. I'm not even all that friendly or kind when it comes down to it, it's all just an act. She's all of those things without even trying, and I'm just the dirty old nag behind the curtain." She took a deep, shaky breath. It was all she could do to stop from breaking down into sobs.

Luna was already up from the couch and climbing onto the bed before she finished, wrapping both forelegs around her and hugging tightly. "Oh stop it you big dummy." She whispered, stroking Celestia's mane comfortingly. "You might be crazy, inappropriate, and a huge pain in the ass, but there is nothing wrong with you...okay if you say it like that it doesn’t exactly sound that way but it is."" After a moment she let go and levitated a nearby handkerchief over to her sister. "Sure she's never seen the real you, but you just need to let her. I'm sure she'll love you just like I do...well not just like I do, at least I hope not, but you see what I mean."

Celestia's mood brightened ever so slightly at Luna's reassurances, despite not being wholly convinced, and she began drying her eyes. " Somehow I'm not quite so sure," she admitted, still sniffling a bit. "but even if you're right, how would I even do that? I can't just go around acting like myself all of a sudden, the nobility would lose their minds, the kingdom would lose all faith, and even if Twilight didn't run screaming from the real me, she'd know I've been essentially lying to her for years." A glum expression returned to her face as she said it, in spite of Luna's attempt at cheering her up.

“How is it lying?” Luna asked matter of factly. “So you act a little different, big deal.”

“Really Luna? It’s lying because ever since Twilight was a filly-”

“Cradle Robber” the younger sister coughed as she smiled innocently at her sister’s disgruntled stare.

“Ever since she was a filly," Celestia pressed on, "I’ve tried to be a shining example, master of sorcery, picture of elegance and grace, the perfect unicorn. That’s why its lying Luna! I am none of those things! She has no idea...”

Luna however was expecting such an answer, and had already concocted a solution. "Well I think you just need to give her a chance to get to know the real you...without it being you." As she said it, she could barely keep her excitement contained, the gears in her head already churning out a string of plans.

Celestia on the other hand, had no idea what Luna was getting at, her expression saying as much. "What does that even mean Lulu?" she asked, her sadness momentarily forgotten and replaced with bewilderment.

"I think," Luna started, "that it's about time for us to take a vacation among the common folk! Perhaps in a nice small town, Ponyville perhaps?" She gave Celestia a sly wink as she said it. "As you know however, it's almost impossible for us to properly relax while being treated as royalty the entire time. We'd of course have to take our trip incognito."

It was Celestia's turn to grin as she caught onto Luna's plan. "Well I suppose it has been awhile since we've indulged in that particular perk, and I've certainly accumulated enough vacation hours," she joked, before sighing nervously. "Do you really think that could help? I feel like it'd just be more lying."

Luna waved a hoof, as if to push aside the concern. "You'd be lying in order to tell the truth, and if nothing comes from it, you don't have to reveal yourself afterwards, we'd just leave at the end and return to normal life, like we always have. Besides, maybe just getting to spend some more time with her will help, regardless of the end results. It’s the perfect plan, you get to show your little student your true self, while I get to make fun of you the whole time, and we get a vacation out of it!"

Celestia took a moment to think on the idea before shrugging. "I guess there's really not much to lose, and our little undercover vacations are usually a lot of fun anyways. It's just so hard to come up with a good cover story."

Luna smiled triumphantly. "I'm sure it will come to you. You should go back to bed, and try to enjoy your dream instead of avoiding it, wouldn't want you to fail that class!" She teased, climbing down off the bed and heading towards the door. "I'm sure the details will be easier to figure out in the morning. I'll take care of the paperwork tonight to get us some time off. Meet me in my chambers tomorrow afternoon and we can coordinate our stories. She opened the doors with her magic, looking back over her shoulder briefly before departing to see Celestia trying to wriggle beneath her many blankets and pillows. "Sweet dreams Tia," she called, closing the doors behind her.

Once again Luna found herself headed to her room with renewed excitement, and to do paper work no less. As she entered her chambers, a lantern on her desk flickered to life and she levitated a quill and ink well from a drawer. She began to fill out the necessary forms and letters to necessary castle administrators, all the while distracted as her mind jumped through lists of names and color combinations.

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The next afternoon Celestia found herself knocking on the door to Luna's room, a mix of anticipation and anxiety flitting around in her stomach. She had wanted to be there a bit earlier than she was, but planning had taken her awhile.

"Come in." Squeaked a somewhat unfamiliar voice, as an equally unfamiliar silver magic pulled the doors open from within. Celestia walked into the room to find a pale silver unicorn mare standing in front of a body length mirror, her mane color and style changing rapidly. The strange mare would stare intently into the mirror for a moment, then shake her head slightly before her mane and tail would change completely. She was slightly smaller than the average pony, but with a gangly, exaggerated extra length to her legs uncommon to most. Her cutie mark was a pale yellow crescent moon cradling three black stars, and stood out ever so slightly against her light colored coat.

After a few minutes, the mare's mane and tail became a long and silky black color, and she nodded to herself in the mirror. "There we go, that should just about do it," she announced in a high pitched but not unpleasant voice. She turned to face Celestia and smiled happily. "What do you think?"

Celestia smiled back. "Well Luna, It's not exactly subtle, but then again mine isn't any better. So what do you call her?"

"Pale Moon at your service, your Highness." Luna said with giggle that sounded like chimes. "Astronomer and researcher at the Royal University. I've already had the employment papers drawn up and filed away in the school's office." She eyed Celestia expectantly "Well? I'm ready to meet my new sister."

Celestia walked to the center of the room to give herself some more space and her horn began to glow, enveloping her in a thick wall of golden magic. As the light began to fade, a tall pegasus sat where Celestia had been just moments ago. She was orange-y beige in color and had a rough-cut, medium length mane and tail in a striking yellow color. Her cutie mark was still that of a sun, but it looked more like a cheery foal's drawing than the ornamental sun that had previously adorned her side. "Sunny Day, scheduling meteorologist for the Cloudsdale weather team...you have no idea how hard it is to find a fake office job for a pegasus," she said in a flat tone, her voice about an octave deeper than that of the Princess she used to be.

"Why not just be a unicorn then?" Pale Moon asked smugly, poking her new sister in the wing with her magic.

"I like flying too much to give it up for that long." Sunny Day said with a light shrug. "Anyways, I'm here to get my little sister out of dreary old Canterlot for a bit and enjoy some country air, and I believe there's a very non-royal looking carriage and some non-guards waiting for us downstairs if you're ready."

"Lead the way Sunny." Pale Moon couldn't help but laugh as she said it.

Author's Note

Welp, I accidentally a touch of sads in this chapter, but at least some of Celestia's behavior hopefully makes sense now. Now to turn these two loose on Ponyville and see what happens! I added the mane 6 to the tags because at this point their appearance is basically inevitable, and should make for some fun situations. Anyways I hope you all enjoy it!

Thanks to Vanderblast for editing.