Rip n' Stitch

by EurekaStorm

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, Trixie, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 4052

When an extremely dangerous serial killer has escaped into a portal to an alien world, three humans who are the best in their field have been assembled to hunt him down before he does any damage. Their biggest challenge? Figuring out how hooves work.

Rip n' Stitch, a notorious serial killer terrorizing America has just been caught by the FBI. However, when bringing him in, he slipped out of his cuffs and ran deep into the bureau. He tried to hide in a room that was supposed to be locked and fell through a portal that was supposed to be sealed.

Now a team of three has been assembled to go after the killer. This has happened twice before in the past and an alien world full of peace and happiness is in danger.
Eureka; a criminal profiler, Hawkeye; an FBI agent, and Vortex; an ex-marine must travel to this world incognito and stop Rip n' Stich before he harms any of the natives. They must blend in and apprehend him undetected.

But their biggest obstacle may be giving up their hands for hooves.

Published 2015-03-13 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-13 15:50:01 UTC

One: Who's hiding the drugs?

One: Who's hiding the drugs?

Chapter One: "Who's hiding the drugs?"

=========================================

"You've got to be kidding me."

I began to grind my teeth as I shifted my weight in my chair. I crossed my legs angrily and glanced over to Hawkeye, one of my fellow agents here at the Bureau. His real name was Shane McAllistar but everyone called him Hawkeye for his keen eye sight. At crime scenes, he would constantly notice things that even slipped past me.

He looked more distressed than angry and instead of speaking, he only nodded in agreement.

"He was practically gift wrapped! How do you lose a murderer at the friggin' FBI headquarters?!"

I was trying very hard to keep as calm as I could, but I was getting really close to exploding. I purposely left my gun in the lockers because, while I'd never use it of course, but I know I frequently rub my fingers on it while talking to intimidate other people. It's a habit of mine, especially when I want answers. But, I was pretty sure this guy was the equivalent of my boss. We had never met before, but I could tell from the inside of his office, he was higher up in the ranks than either Hawkeye or I.

"I understand your concern, Miss Storm. However, you are mistaken. We did not lose him, he slipped out of his cuffs."

"So, he planned an escape in the FBI building?"

"We're not sure if he had planned to escape once inside, or he just took the first opportunity he saw."

"Why was there even an opportunity?"

Silence followed that question, as I knew it would. While Hawkeye was an agent with incredible eyes, I had talents of my own. My nickname was Eureka because my brain works pretty fast connecting pieces together. I am a criminal profiler on an FBI team here at the Bureau. I work with Hawkeye and four other members, but we are closer than anyone in our circle. I know how serial killers think and I know what they will do next before they do it. I am a prized agent for my talent, I can look at a crime scene and with a little background on the suspect, if we have any, can put the story together in a ... Eureaka! sort of way.

My real name is Alexandra Storm and my life is my job. I love traveling the country, trying to think like a deranged murderer without losing my mind. It keeps me on my toes, that's for sure.

"So, why aren't we out looking for him? I've been doing this for a long time, but Ricky Howard is one of the worst I've had the pleasure of knowing."

It was true. Ricky Howard had the nickname Rip n' Stitch, as he cleverly named himself. This isn't uncommon for serial killers, they like to send letters to the media to brag about their crimes. Like all killers, he was just a bratty kid looking for attention on the inside. However, what made this guy so disturbing was what he did to his victims. He wasn't a picky killer, most of them have a specific type. Usually the victims all have something in common, but Howard didn't care what he got. Women, prostitutes, college students, men, children, widows; it didn't matter to him. He liked to torture his scared victims, kidnapping them from their homes or on their way there and drive them out to his house of horrors out in the wilderness. He would have more than one victim at a time and after locking them up with little food, he would drug them and sew victims together. Or replace their body parts. Or just make a mess.

He tried to keep them alive, but the lucky ones died during surgery. The ones that didn't would eventually die after infection, pain, and being unable to perform everyday tasks. Or he would murder them after a few days by gutting them alive. It was sickening. I have seen some sick things in this line of work, but nothing could prepare me for what I saw when we busted into that secluded cottage. When we didn't find him there, he was smart enough to lay low and hide from us. But not before trying to scare us away from hunting him. Besides wanting to end this man's reign of terror, let's just say I had a personal vendetta with this one.

"Because, Miss Storm, he isn't out there."

"What do you mean? You said he wasn't in any of the rooms here when we locked the building down."

"True. He's not inside this building."

I opened my mouth to reply, but I had to stop and think for a moment. This had to be some sort of test, there's no way someone working here could be that stupid. For a moment, I relaxed in my uncomfortable seat. Rip n' Stitch hasn't really escaped. This is just a test. I'm probably up for a promotion. Oh, how I hope that's true...

"What do you mean, sir?" I asked, calmer and more professional this time.

"What I mean to say is, Mr. Howard never left the Bureau, but he didn't exactly make it outside. He made it somewhere else entirely."

Hawkeye, who had been silent this entire time, beat me to speak.

"No offense, sir, but can we stop playing guessing games and can you tell us what's really going on here? Why have we been called into your office? I don't think it's just to tell us Rip n' Stitch escaped."

"You are quite perceptive, Mr. McAllistar! There is a very good reason why you two are here, but I'm afraid I can't say anymore until you sign this paperwork."

On cue, he pulled out two giant stacks of paper and set each pile in front of each of us. As if it were planned, we took one look at the massive heap in front of us, then looked at each other, and then right back up at him at the same time.

"I'm sorry, I'm confused. You can't tell us anything until we sign this? But how are we supposed to know what we are signing? We can't possibly read all of this!"

Hawkeye was actually quite rational sounding, but having worked together for years, I knew that this was him being hysterical.

"All I can tell you is you two have been selected for a special mission. You are the best in your fields and we need your help. However, this mission is exceptionally secret. These are documents to ensure you will go on this mission and then never speak of it again. It will be like it never happened. After you sign these papers, you are going to see and be involved with some pretty unbelievable things. But, if you do not want to accept this job, you can decline and walk out of here right now, but you will not know anything more than what I have told you. But, should you decide to take on this task, you cannot bow out of it. Once these papers are signed, you're in this until the end, one way or another."

Those last words were very ominous sounding. Any sane person would've thanked the man for the opportunity and left the room right then and there. But, I know I couldn't. My curiosity was too great and I wanted to take this guy down like no one before. The things I've seen, the things he did... No one else should suffer.

"Wait, are we in the matrix?" I joked.

Hawkeye half-laughed, mostly just to be supportive, but I chuckled at my own joke. Unsurprisingly, the man did not.

"A joke. But, okay, okay. You had me at 'special mission'." I said, starting to sign my name.
"Now, tell me wha-"

"Eureka!" Hawkeye interrupted.
"Aren't we going to talk about this first? This is a serious engagement!"

"Time is of the essence, I'm afraid." The man said.

"See? We're running out of time. Look, I know this could be something really dangerous, but nothing could be more dangerous than Howard. You don't have to come with me this time, but I have to go. No matter the consequences." I said, finishing my signature.

Hawkeye smiled.

"If you're going, I'm going as well."

And there it was, our fates had been sealed in a single moment of stupidity from two of the smartest people around.

"Okay, now please, what is going on in this place?"

"There is one more thing," The man said, taking our paperwork.
"The mission has three spots. We have an agent and a profiler, however we also needed some muscle. Let me introduce to you Steven Sirakowski, code name Vortex. Ex-marine."

Right as the words came out of his mouth, the door behind us crashed open and a burly man charged in and leaned down right between our heads.

"So, you two are the brains, eh? Well, nice to meet ya, brains. I'm the brawn."

He shook our hands, a little too tight, then ran a hand over his shaved head.

"Now that these two are finally here, can I know what I got myself into this time? I'm wonderin' if I should swing by my lady friend's place before we leave or what! Hey, I'm just joking, don't look at me like that, sweetheart!"

"Trust me, I'm not looking at you at all." I sneered.

Great. Ten seconds in and I immediately regret my decision.

==========================================================================

The three of us had been lead down a hallway to relocate. The next room we entered was a lot more spacious and had many boards in the front with pictures and information pinned to it. But, it looked a lot like cartoons. As I looked at the pictures of multi-colored horses, I began to regret things more an more. This just had to be a joke, what the hell is this?

We were told to take our seats and be quiet.

For the next few hours we were introduced to a parallel universe. And I don't mean that sarcastically or metaphorically, I mean seriously. Apparently there is a universe that is so close to our own, we found a portal that can lead there. A portal that serial killer Rip n' Stitch had just fallen into, whether by accident or if he somehow had knowledge of.

Then, we had to learn about the world he was now in and let me tell you, what a world.

It's inhabitants were brightly colored ponies that lived in mostly peace and harmony. Their culture and society was vastly different than ours, living in a land where magic is real, the most powerful being that of good feelings. Like, friendship and love. There were three types of ponies; Earth, pegasi, and unicorns. They is a monarchy, although not in the way we are familiar with. Their rulers are called Princesses, but in Equestria, that is the highest level of royalty. There was a princess that controlled the sun and one that controlled the moon.

Then, he went on to explain about how we wouldn't be the first humans to travel to this world. On two other occasions, someone or something had fallen through the portal and a team, like ours, was created to go prevent their world from falling victim to whatever it was.

We had to apprehend Rip n' Stitch at all cost. To do this, we must blend in with it's inhabitants and find Howard among them. To do so, we had to become ponies, inside and out. When the man had finished explaining what he could to us, we sat in silence for a few moments. It was Vortex who broke that silence.

"Okay. Who's hiding the drugs? Because if you aren't high as balls right now, then you're crazy as balls!"

"I assure you, Mr. Sirakowski, this is very real. And extremely important. I have a book here that has all the facts you need to know about Equestria before we send you through the portal in the morning. Right now, an object is coming around to you. When it's in your hands, push your thumb and pointer finger against the screen. It will scan it and give you your own personal pony persona. After you know which race you are, you will be sent for some training. Each race has special abilities and you must be taught how to use them."

Again, we sat in silence until again Vortex broke it.

"'Equestria'? 'Pony Persona'? You have GOT to be kidding me. With all due respect, this is the dumbest crock of, no pun intended, horse manure I've ever heard. Did my old sergeant put you up to this? Oh man, this IS a joke, isn't it? I'm being punk'd right now, ain't I?"

"As much as I hate to agree with Tarzan over here, but this has to be a joke. You expect me to believe there's a world made of happiness and rainbows where everyone is a pastel colored pony? And we can turn into ponies, too?"

The man was bringing a small machine that looked similar to a large IPAD over to me, then he began to speak.

"You don't have to believe it, but it's real. I couldn't expect you all to accept something so strange right off the bat. Regardless, you all signed the paperwork and therefore have to do what you are instructed to. You will all have to believe tomorrow when you are walking on all fours and eating grass. Either way, you will go meet with your assigned trainer today, you will read the book we've provided you with, and you will enter the portal tomorrow and act like ponies. If you want to keep telling yourself it's a joke all the way up until you enter Equestria, that's fine with me, but I'd suggest you follow orders, because you've literally signed your lives away."

"Excuse me?"

I briefly heard Hawkeye choke out before the man grabbed my hand and pushed my thumb and pointer finger on to the screen.

"I could've done that myself, you know." I said dryly.

Before he could reply to me an image appeared on the screen. I stared at it for a long time. I could even feel Hawkeye and maybe Vortex peeking over my shoulder to also get a look.

It was a picture of a pale purple pony, much like the pictures on the board. She had very long seafoam green hair that turned slightly wavy at the tip of the mane and tail. She had golden-orange eyes and bangs that fell over one eye almost completely, the only part of her that matched what I actually look like.

"That's me?" I questioned.

"Unicorn." The man said.
"I'll give you your contact info, you will visit them tonight and follow everything they say. You can keep your nickname as your code name, it is an acceptable name for this world."

"Eureka? Well, that makes things easy."

"Unicorn, huh? Make way for the only witch of Eastwick over here!" Hawkeye teased.

"Well, you're next, buddy!" I replied, handing the device over to him.

Ever the accommodating one, he gently placed the right fingers on it and waited. In seconds, an image appeared and I got as close as I could to see. His facial structure looked different than mine, more square, and he was much taller. And skinny to boot, not unlike his lanky body type in real life. He was a dark blue color, but not quite navy. While dark, it was still somehow bright. His hair was close to white in color, with one silver streak in his mane and short tail. The mane itself stuck up until the top of his head, where it fell down, slightly longer looking. His eyes were bright yellow, the brightest color on him, they shone like lights. And finally, two wings protruding from his back.

"Does that mean I'm a pegasus?" He asked.

"Indeed, it does. Your code name can also be your nickname, very suitable for your pony persona I think! I'll have your training contact info in a moment."

With that, the man made his way over to Vortex, who had been quiet with his arms crossed.

"I'm not doing it." He said.

"That's your choice then, Mr. Sirakowski, but please know you won't be leaving this room. You had your chance to walk out, and you didn't take it."

"You expect me to believe your going to kill me because I won't play your little girl pony games? This 'magical, amazing pony world' is worth all this trouble? Is worth a man's life?"

The man stood there and deadpanned. He looked down at Vortex, right into his eyes, and said,

"Yes."

The two stared at each other for a long time before Vortex angrily snatched the device from the man's hands.

"I can do it myself, I don't need your help."

While Vortex was busy building his alter pony ego, Hawkeye got very close to me for a moment.

"Did you see that? The way he looked at Vortex? I don't...No, I can't believe any of this. I'm just going along with it for now, until I see for myself that this so called portal is really there and we really are transported to this parallel universe. But, then...just then, the way he looked, I truly believe we bit off more than we can chew here, Eureka. Stay on your toes and pay attention. I'm not sure what's really going on here, but whatever it is, it's serious-"

Hawkeye was cut off by yet another angry outburst from Vortex.

"No! Oh, hell no am I going to be anything called an 'earth pony'! Do I look like some dumb hippie chick to you?"

"Need I remind you what's at stake here, again? Besides, it's just a name, like 'Caucasian'. And how many times are you called that? Earth ponies are strong. You are strong. I think it's a good fit. You already have your code name, I'll get your contact info after one last discussion."

He walked to the center of the room and smiled, almost eerily.

"Now, lady and gentlemen, let's talk cutiemarks!"

=======================================================================

I slowly walked up to the address I was given, unsure of what to expect. This was supposedly the house of one of the last group member to travel to Equestria. She wasn't that old now, but apparently time moved differently in Equestria than here. Time went by much slower here. While it was barely a decade ago, about a thousand years had passed in their world.

I knocked on the door and waited. A woman with brown hair pulled back into a bun slowly and cautiously opened her door.

"May I help you?" She said very gently.

"Star burst?"

She stared at me in silence for a long time, but I got the sense that she wasn't actually looking at me. She had zoned out, lost in her own world. This went on for a few more minutes before her gaze snapped up to my eyes, and she stared deeply into them. Her eyes were like windows, reflecting an overwhelming sense of sadness.

"I'm sorry, forgive me, I haven't been called that in quite some time. Come in."

She turned back into her house, leaving the door open so I could follow. Her house was immaculate, a place for everything. I followed her to two couches facing each other, we each took one.

"So, I assume you're here to learn magic?"

"I guess. But, please, level with me. This isn't serious, is it? Am I to believe I'm going to literally be doing magic with you here today?"

She giggled softly.

"Oh, yes, my dear, I remember that feeling well. The disbelief. I was so sure that I was being fooled, up until the moment I stepped into a strange world in a strange body. I assure you, dear, it is very real. But my words probably won't convince you, your eyes will."

With that, she stood up and walked into the next room. I believe it was the kitchen.

"I'll fix some tea. And to answer your other question," She kept talking from the other room, I could hear the clatter of cups and saucers.
"You can't do magic until you enter your new body. These human bodies are incredibly lacking of magic. But, once you are inside the unicorn body, you will feel it, vibrating through your very being, mostly through your horn. I'm merely going to explain to you, best I can, how to do it. It'll be pretty embarrassing for an adult mare if you can't do any magic at all."

I laughed at her last sentence. Embarrassing? I felt embarrassed just having this conversation. I was a criminal profiler! I interviewed some of the worst people in the world. I risked my life to put evil men behind bars. I saved a child from a terrible fate of being sold across seas. Now, I was talking about magical ponies.

She returned to the living room with a tray of tea cups and two cakes.

"Thank you, Star Burst." I said.

Again, for a moment she stopped. Zoned out for a few seconds, but not as long as before.

"Oh, Celestia!" She said suddenly.
"I am sorry about that. Everytime I hear that name it just...brings me back to the last time I heard it." She said, sadly.

"Celestia?" I asked.
"No, my name is Eure-"

"Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, dear, I know that's not your name. It's an expression in Equestria. Celestia is the princess of the sun. She controls it, making it rise in the morning and set in the evening. Instead of saying, 'oh my God', we say 'oh my Celestia'. I apologize, freudian slip, I suppose. Hearing you say my old name, it just, got me lost. I miss that place like you would not believe."

"Oh." Was all I could spit out.

"Anyway, let's begin our lesson, shall we? The most basic type of magic is levitation. Now, remember, not all magic is the same. Different kind and levels of magic call for different ways to produce it. Levitation is easy because all you have to do is envision what you want and which way you want it to go. I always did it naturally, I just pictured myself picking up what I wanted, as if I were actually doing it with hands. Very simple."

"Should...Should I try it now?" I asked.

"Why? There's no magic in you. I'm sure you know how to envision something in your mind, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I suppose so."

"Okay then."

This lady was a lot more spunky than I originally thought. I was so mesmerized by everything that was going on, I wasn't my usual self. Could this really be happening? All of it was so strange, I had no idea what I was in for.

"Next would be teleporting, although it's hard to do at first. You can only teleport to places you've been, so you can properly envision them. Be careful, not doing this spell right could teleport you right into a wall or even another pony! Eventually, if you get good enough, you can go long distances and even unknown lands. But start small, please. Try going just a few feet at first, gradually getting further. But don't try to teleport after teleport after teleport. You will be drained the first couple times you try it, even if you only went three feet."

At this point, I instinctively reached my hand into my bag and grabbed a pen and notepad. I just felt like I should be writing all of this down.

"Good idea, dearie, there is a lot to go over."

As I began to write all the seemingly silly, but would be actually awesome if it really happened, things down I was actually beginning to get caught up in this crazy mission. Was I actually excited for this? I told myself not to get too excited, because tomorrow would probably be disappointing.

But...it might not be.