Sometimes HIE doesn't have to make any sense

by Sigmacipher

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Random, Human, Main 6, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 3208

A human 22-yr old ends up in equestria-seriously people it's on the tin-Insanity ensues

Seth Sigler wanted a normal life.

Lyra Heartstrings wanted to try to impress Twilight and the Gang with the Rainbow Bridge Spell.

Equestria at large wanted a break after Tirek happened.

Sunset Shimmer wanted to get away from the drama at CHS.

FIMfiction wanted a unique story.

None of that actually happens at all.

Other tag for characters that will play a role but I couldn't get tagged into the story due to reasons.

Published 2015-03-13 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-07 15:42:00 UTC

The rainbow bridge spell or How to screw a life

Seth Sigler had done a lot in the relatively short time he had returned to college. He had begun to make his passion for art work. He had just finished learning a few more martial arts. He had learned to over come his fear of driving a car. However there was one thing he could never prepare for in his life.

Waking up on a Sunday to go to church.

Hence when he actually woke up his parents had already taken the car and left. Now alone however Seth decided to use this opportunity to work on an unfinished piece of art for Deviantart that was for commission, maybe do some kata, and just do something productive to keep his mind off his grandparents decaying health and how it was affecting his mom.

If it were only that simple. Because as soon as he reached for the door that lead from his bedroom to the rest of the house...

A couple of moment prior to this on the planet of Gaia, in the land of Equestria, in the town of...guys really I have to spell this out for you...fine...Ponyville

"And that is why I need your guys help to prove that Humans are real." a mint colored unicorn stated to the two ponies in front of her. These two ponies were perplexed at the statement, as well a the theoretical and longer that than really important rant. The first to speak on the matter...and possible sum up the entire lecture in a nutshell for the readers sake...was the purple alicorn, resident princess and mad scientist, the element of magic, Twilight Sparkle.

"Let me get this straight, you want to use a spell from pre-discordian,"

Lyra nodded

"Possibly pre-equestrian times, that was entrusted to the Heartstring family, but you can't do it on your own,"

Lyra nodded again more vigorously.

"So you want myself and Sunset Shimmer to cast it with you thus creating a magic pool affect to allow the spell to actually work."

Lyra nodded with the enthusiasm of a bobble head doll.

"I'm might think this was a crazy and impossible idea,"

Lyra pouted a little.

"If it wasn't for SCIENCE!!!!,"

The resulting shockwave could be felt from outside of the crystal castle that was now her home and possibly all of equestria.

"Seriously I know that Humans exist but I haven't been able to prove it outside of the portal and it pretty much a dimensional copy of Equestria. And now we have it the legendary spell Rainbow bridge in our possession..."

"Hold on twilight I'm going to to let you finish," the yellow coated, bacon-maned unicorn know as Sunset Shimmer, "but I think that we should try to explain a few things about humans that Lyra might need to be aware of before we do this..."

About close to the time the said human from earlier to actually wake up to this covering of what could actually go wrong in a HiE story like this something I failed to mention earlier was happening and I should probably mention it now while the ponies are discussing the pros and cons of inter-dimensional summoning of random humans

"So that's a thing." Seth could still not believe it. He just could not believe this. He could never accept the text he had just read. For at this very day and hour his parents had just decided to make another trip to his grandparents. They of declining health who only made his parents much more like assholes than actual parents to him. Maybe it was time to get a new place. Where though just where could he go, he had no idea where to look for his own place, not to mention he still worried they might not be able to hold it together on they're own, he needed someone to talk to, he needed some friends too but who could he discuss this matter with?

Now back to Ponyville

"So I guess we're going to try this?" Sunset was reluctant but understanding. Both her and twilight had studied as Celestia's students so this was an academic challenge that they could relate to, plus she had to admit the idea was pretty cool.

"YES!!" her two compatriots shouted and thus the casting began.

Meanwhile on earth

Seth reached for the door handle and pulled, and in slow motion it happened, first the psychedelic light, the whooshing sound, the pull of air dragging through the doorway. And then...silence.

Elsewhere in the universe a pink mare shot up from her work.

Pinkie sense tingling!!

Author's Note

Holy fourth wall breaks batman it was hard starting a fic like this but still

I still regret nothing though.

Yes we already knew humans existed so don't mind us

Breakfast was pretty good, considering what ponies generally worked with. Eggs, hash browns, and orange juice. Seth had forgotten in the emotional turmoil that happened in the bathroom that ponies in this world could be omnivorous, but generally tended to shy away from meat because...seriously people they're ponies do I have to spell it out for you.

"Okay Mr. Narrator we get it, no reason to be a big meanie pants." Pinkie Pie said staring into the fourth wall with a huge grin plaster on her face.

This shocked the daylights out of Lyra and Seth. Lyra had been trying to learn more about humans and had been questioning the summoned human while Seth had been trying to defer the questions to Sunset Shimmer, who he felt could better answer most of the more obvious questions. He had to fill in gaps of specific information, however, when it came to things unique to his place in the multiverse.

Twilight and Sunset had expected this because Pinkie Pie...we all know about this by now...I mean season 5 is coming up and...

"Okay dude, just chill out," Seth said turning to point where Pinkie Pie was staring just a moment ago, "I've seen FIMfiction enough to know that this is a pretty weird fan fic." He paused looking up from the computer that Spike, Twilight's dragon and best friend/assistant/wingstallion.

"Rarity seems to say that more than anyone though..." Twilight noted reading the latest line from a particularly bad fanfic that broke the fourth wall constantly.

"Anyway welcome to Ponyville, I know every..." Pinkie started to say but then Seth shoved a hand into Pinkie's mouth and whispered something. Pinkie's eyes bulged and gasped to the point of it being remotely comical. "But I practiced that speech for months...Months!!!"

"She knew about the spell didn't she..." Lyra said pouting a little.

Twilight sighed, "Lyra she's Pinkie Pie for Celestia's sake it's a miracle that Seth was able to genuinely surprise her like that."

"Speaking of which we should probably try to at least inform Celestia so nobody panics." Sunset offered before drinking a gulp of orange juice.

"OHHH!!! I just realized..." Lyra started suddenly aware of what time it is mainly for purposes of this fanfic "I was supposed to check up on Bonnie after I was done here...I gotta go see ya." Lyra rushed out the door.

"She's going to tell the entire town about me isn't she?" Seth said swallowing a piece of toast.

"Probably...I need to get that party of yours organized STAT..." Pinkie said with a surprising amount of seriousness.

"This going to a fairly bland chapter isn't it?" Seth stated with almost a hint of boredom in his voice.

"Probably..." Chorused the three remaining ponies as the started about doing the individual tasks.

Then Seth turned around and the rest was a blur.

A cyan blur that is.

Author's Note

Well that ended abruptly...and nobody is panicking...Yet.

You seriously thought there wasn't going to be at least one altercation did you?

Let it be known that while, we stated that Seth had studied martial arts in like the first chapter, nobody said that any of these martial arts factored in non-human physiology.

Although Seth was able to make it work somehow against his current opponent, Rainbow Dash, who just tackled him from behind for reasons that were currently unknown. He was currently pinning rainbow by all four hooves on the floor of the Crystal friendship castle...(Seriously Hasbro...SERIOUSLY??!!!). When the question that was on everyone's minds (including mine) was asked.

"Okay seriously why the hell did you tackle me from behind like that?"

"You were in the way of my awesome, super-cool landing, dork."

"Oh well this is awkward and here I thought you were trying to kill me..."

"I am..."

"WHAT!! why?? You just said..."

"You messed me up that's why..."

Suddenly Fluttershy walked in because who better to surprise everyone and possible embarrass Dashie than good ol' Fluttershy.

"Hi Twilight I kinda heard a commotion going on and...Ohh myyy."

Seth and dash suddenly realized that they had both relaxed just enough that this fanfic now looked like a clopfic. Seth was the first to speak on the matter, "Wait it isn't what it looks like you see I think Dash might of botched her landing and landed on me, I thought someone was trying to kill me and..." Fluttershy stared a little with a slight, and pretty darn disconcerting smile on her face.

"Your in heat aren't you?"

"Uh huh..."

"And desperate..."

"Uh huh..."

"And you forgot this thing doesn't have a sex tag..."

"Oh ummm....do you want it too?"

The response to this was running out the front door as fast as Seth's legs could carry him.

Author's Note

I don't even know how to change the tags on this thing. So if anyone has a users manual...

Running for your life for fun and profit

"Sure Lyra surrrree...." a cream coated mare said to her human loving associate, "but you still don't have a decent..."

Suddenly a huge ape thing with clothes on began running down the street where Lyra and said mare where talking. As soon as it was close to the two mares however, it started running in place. "Hi Lyra, sorry about the abrupt question but.."

"But?..."

"How do you make a mare in heat stop chasing you?"

"Who's chasing you?"

"GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" an angry fluttershy yelled, "You. Are. Going. To. LOVE ME!!!" And with that the ape thing started running regularly again. Lyra turns to the mare, "That was Seth by the way Bonnie."

"Oh..."

"Now pay up."

"What...really Lyra?"

"Yes."

And thus the mare known as bon bon forked over 20 bits to her harp-butted marefriend.

"We heard that..."

Well EXCUUUUSSSSEEE MMMEEEEEEE

Meanwhile Seth was still running from the terror that is fluttershy when he somehow knocked into a grey mare. Noticing the packages it dropped Seth quickly scooped them up handed them to mailmare in question then turned around and bolted again. A confused Ditzy Doo then had the unlucky misfortune of being bowled over by fluttershy who was beginning to look vaguely more battier than usual.

"Quite literally too..."

How could you?

The mail mare took off her cross eye contacts and then the veins around her forehead began to bulge outward. "Going to need to find Twilight quickly Byakugan!!!"

Oh a reference joke...

Meanwhile across town a certain apple farmer felt a chill down her spine. "Ah reckon that chill mean I should probably be expecting trouble real soon." And then Fluttershy arrived suddenly interested in something other than Seth and did I mention she looked a lot like she did when twilight cursed her with a bat like state and she started going batty over the apples. Suddenly cavalry arrived, twilight zapped fluttershy, and everything was normal except...

"Hey Twilight we should probably find Seth now and apologize."

"Probably Sunset."

"Uhm I ah hate to be rude an all but who they hay are you talking about?"

"Okay Applejack it's like this..."

Meanwhile at...

"Oh darling this marvelous." Rarity said looking at a set of mannequins decorated by Seth.

"Yeah hey um so uh..that stuff...it works right."

"Dear I only keep it around in case opal goes into heat but..."

"Yes?"

"Fluttershy does have a rather unique condition."

"So it should work on her bat form."

"Yes...but deary do try to avoid using it if she calmed down by then..."

"Got it...hey do they serve alcohol at Pinkie Parties?"

THIS FIC IS TEEN RATED AND STOP INTERRUPTING ME I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT ALRIGHT!!!.

"Geez that author guy is starting to get annoying." Pinkie then stared at the oven, "Now where did I put that party cannon."

Author's Note

I'm starting to run into a writer's block with this one so many Idea are floating around and I still can't spell the name of Rarity's shop. Okay so I just made a Joke and ended it there.

Because if we continued this we'd have to change the name of the story

Seth looked at the blue police box that had just entered the Boutique. There was no mistaking what this was a reference to.

"So...Twilight?"

"Yeah Seth?"

"Equestria has access to Gallifreyian technology..."

"No that's would just be Time Turner."

"So Lyra couldn't just have used that to see humans instead because...?"

"Because then the story would need a different name."

Pinkie had just popped her head out of the Tardis for what appeared to be the sole purpose of answering Seth's ridiculous question. Without further pomp and circumstance the assembled group headed into the Tardis where Pinkie's party was being held.

The Party was going rather smoothly until Derpy in a rather strange bet from berry punch had to balance several cups of Sweet Apple Acres Cider on her nose. And in a strange turn of events ended up pressing a button that said, "Emergency evacuation" and cause the Tardis to spin wildly around and around and around....

Suddenly Seth woke up on the floor of his bed room. His parents who had come into the room while he was passed out because seriously people there is no way that this story was meant to be serious.

"Are you okay Seth?"

"Yeah I'm fine Dad..."

"Why are you wearing a trenchcoat?

"I have no idea mom, no idea at all..."

He felt inside his pockets and found a note.

Call me

LH

Welcome to Equestria please enjoy your stay

Seth looked around at his surroundings. Lyra's eyes widened. Twilight and Sunset began having a important discussion in hushed whispers and then Seth opened his mouth.

"Excuse me do you have a bathroom?"

Twilight looked up and decided that yes we were not expecting that, no it's fine we can do this. "Second door on your left down the hall over there," Twilight pointed a hoof at the direction that the nearest bathroom was in. And Seth ran down in that direction in a jiffy.

"Huh you think he'd be I don't know confused?" Sunset said a worried expression on her muzzle. "It fine," Twilight said as the sound of flushing a toilet was heard, "just wait for it."

"Wait for wha..." Sunset started but never finish for at that very moment.

"Gggggggggaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

"Oh..." was all that Sunset managed to say before a loud angry rant could be heard

For purposes of time and to keep things teen rated the FCC has decided to cut out the actual rant and fast forward to the end

Twilight knocked on the door, "You done in there?"

"Yeah.. I guess..."

"Do you want to join us for breakfast?"

"Sure...I guess."

"You realize we heard all that..."

"Um...does it bother you?"

"What does?"

"That my world supposedly depicts yours as fiction?"

"Honestly, it might explain pinkie pie."

"...Lyra put you up to this?"

"Yes."

"You know we're pretty sure you guys are xenophobic."

"I think we're improving."

"Pinkie is coming isn't she?"

"Probably..."

Sunset who had calmly made her way to the door then spoke.

"You coming out?"

Seth came out his long dark hair brushed to the side. He looked at the ponies. "You guys are taller than most people thought actually." He just realized that even with a six foot build, they still came under at just about eye level. Sunset shrugged, "To be fair, we didn't know alicorns weren't the only ones who could do the Canterlot voice."

"Human..." Lyra said almost dazed at the whole experience. Walking over to Seth in a dream like state.

"Seth...my name is Seth."

"By the way...you know how loud the Royal Canterlot voice is?" Sunset asked.

"Louder than what they depicted on television I guess?"
Then they all had a moment of realization. "Guys I think Ponyville knows." Twilight said with a gulp.

Author's Note

And They know...but how will they react.

Because the our narrator has trouble writing a good scene without supervision

Author's Note

I apologize in advance for this particular chapter being particularly action-less. I'm also apologize about this fic in general being less funny than I thought it would be.

I do not regret anything else however.

Because the our narrator has trouble writing a good scene without supervision

"Okay according to that badly written fic, I'd say he's definitely still at rarity's." Twilight said looking at the small screen in front of her. This screen was the compiled effort of Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle's experience in the alternate "mirror world" Equestria and it's compiled computer system's advanced information network.

In other words, they now had a spell that could hook them up to the Internet...because magic, why not.

Meanwhile on the other side of the door. Seth watched in horror as he slowly prepared the spray can given to him by Rarity. Waiting for Fluttershy to come and hang on just a minute...

Yeah can we call it rape?

I was pretty sure it's rape.

Yes, if when a it a guy that's the victim.

Really that's what we're calling it?

You couldn't think of anything more creative?

Fine.

Waiting for Fluttershy to come in and buck him to kingdom come...

Seriously people are you guys really going to replace swear words with more equine puns?

Oh good lord.

When suddenly Opal started ram her head into Seth's legs. Rubbing her face all over his sweatpants. Despite his best efforts to shoo her away she would not stop.

Meanwhile outside the door...

"Well here it goes," Fluttershy opened the door and it slow motion the following happened...

Seth turned around.

Seth let loose the spray can's wrath.

Said spray can sent Seth hurtling toward the other end in the room and into a pile of clothes.

Rarity came downstairs after finishing some new pieces.

Seth emerged from the pile of clothes looking like Neo from the Matrix.

All of the main six, minus Pinkie, stood around Seth and gawked.

And then time resumed to normal just as a blue police box showed up out of nowhere with a sign on it saying Seth's welcome to Equestria party in here.

I wondered where Pinkie was during this.

"Shush! Your making more of a fuss than my parents where in the first chapter of this cheap fic." Seth cried out.

Well that's not very nice.