Rainbow Dash’s heart was pounding; partially from the applause still ringing in her ears from her first real performance in a Wonderbolt uniform, but mostly; because she didn’t expect to be wearing it for much longer. She couldn’t believe Soarin’s audacity when, after the show, Soarin had invited her up to his room ‘for a drink’. She couldn’t believe her own audacity when she’d said yes.
Soarin’s keys jangled at the door, before one of them stood erect, slipped into the keyhole and wiggled up and down until it clicked, and the door opened with a soft moan, allowing both pegasi to enter Soarin’s apartment. Dash had been dreaming about Soarin ever since the day she’d caught him at the best young flyers competition, and now she was sure that he felt the same way about her. They were made for each other.
“Would you like some wine?” asked Rainbow slyly, slipping the bottle she’d taken from the after performance party out from under her wing as Soarin took his facemask off. Soarin looked slightly disappointed at not getting straight into business, but that was just fine with her. She’d waited since kindergarten to become a Wonderbolt, and since middle school to date one; she wasn’t letting this moment go by without savoring every last drop.
Soarin produced two crystal chalices from the dresser and let Rainbow Dash fill them; “So” whispered Soarin in a deep masculine voice, “What do you want to do?”
Dash sipped her wine, trying to pull out his eagerness a little more; “Tell me something interesting that I don’t already know about you. What do you do in your free time?”
“Well, usually I hang out with people; fans, teammates, my rock band-”
No way! Soarin had his own band and she’d never heard of it; “I didn’t know you were into music.”
Soaring looked confused, “…I’m not.”
“But you have a band?”
Soaring thought for a moment, “Well, Stoner used to play the flute for a little while but he had to quit because all that blowing was hurting his throat.”
“Stoner?”
Soarin indicated to the dresser to a little pet rock with a mossy green mohawk, googly eyes, and a cartoonish smile drawn in yellow crayon, “Best little buddy a guy could ask for, I’ve had him since I was a foal.”
“Cute.” Smiled Rainbow, giving the little guy a pat on the head.
Soarin leaned over, “He says you’re gorgeous by the way.”
“Thanks.”
“You don’t mind if he watches us tonight, do you?”
“…. sure; I mean, he’s not going to tell anyone is he?”
“Not a chance. You can tell Stoner with your deepest secrets and he’ll keep them for you; he’s also really good at learning stunts. Just last week I taught him how to jump.”
“Really?”
“Yea, watch this.” Soarin posed his hoof above the dresser, “OK buddy, ready? Jump.” Soarin smacked his hoof onto the dresser, making Stoner jostle an inch into the air, “Jump, jump.” Stoner bobbed up and down like he was dancing.
Rainbow Dash giggled and gave Soarin a peck on the cheek; he stopped playing with his rock and reached to put his wing around her, but Dash slipped away. Soarin made his living by acting tough and masculine to the world, but here, now, he was able to act just like a little kid. That showed a lot of trust. Rainbow wasn’t regretting coming here tonight.
There was a large chest beside the dresser, and on it were two more pet rocks; one of them had a green mossy mane, like Stoner only with a beard and mustache as well, and beside him was a little marble mare, with two pearls for earrings. “Who are these?”
“That’s Stoner’s dad Rock Man with Agate. “ said Soarin, sliding them a little bit closer together, “They haven’t known each other for that long, and this is only their first date, but they’re already talking about jumping in the sack together.” Rainbow Dash nodded, not missing the metaphor for her and – no, wait maybe he was serious. There really was an empty sack tied to the corner of the chest.
Rainbow took a step back and started noticing more than just Soarin. There were pet rocks all over the place; all of them had faces, manes and some of them even had clothes. Collecting pet rocks wasn’t just a hobby to Soarin, it was a passion. “OK,” she said, trotting to the fridge and picking up a unicorn rock that was sitting on it, “Who's this?”
“That’s Rock Pie, he runs the best restaurant in town.”
“Your rocks eat at restaurants?”
“Of course.” Said Soarin, like it should have been obvious, “How is Stoner supposed to take a girl out on a date if there’s no restaurant to go to?”
“Good point.” She laughed, putting Rock Pie back onto the fridge. “So… you really have stories and personalities for all these rocks?” she said gesturing… everywhere, but specifically to the closet where a dozen pairs of googly eyes were looking out at her.
Soarin nodded.
“Alright then.” Rainbow Dash scanned the room for the most interesting rock she could find and settled on a mare-ish rock on the windowsill with wings glued the back, which almost looked like herself. She picked her up and –
“NO!!!”
Soarin shot across the room, faster than he’d moved in the show; and spread his wings to full length, “Put-her-back-put-her-back!”
“Why-what-“
Soarin stepped forwards, and wrapped the rock she was holding in his wings, clutching her to his chest, “Did she see anything?”
“…I…”
“Did she see… what’s on the chest?”
“I… don’t know.”
Soarin took the rock, and slowly sat back down on the windowsill and opened his wings up looking down at it. His pupils were dilated and his face was a strange shade of pale; “You didn’t see anything, did you? No, of course, you didn’t; Rainbow Dash forgot to put your glasses on you.” Soarin kept stroking the rock, whispering to it quietly for a whole minute before looking up at Rainbow Dash with a relieved grin, “We’re good.”
“…Who is that?”
Soarin swallowed nervously, “Pegarock is Stoner’s mom. She and Rock Man got divorced a few years ago, and if she’d seen Rock Man with Agate, she might never have forgiven him.”
This was getting a little bit weird. Maybe Soarin was over-acting his bit a little bit for her, but for the moment she figured she’d see where he took this. “Well, if Rock Man is with –“
“Psktssskcp” Soarin put one hoof over her mouth and with the other motioned for silence, then indicated with his head to another rock, with steel wool for a mane, who was sitting on the corner of the windowsill, watching Rainbow Dash with unblinking, unforgiving eyes, “That’s Mrs. Gritcloud;” Soarin whispered, “She is a gossip and has lunch with Pegarock every Tuesday; she will tell Pegarock everything you say.”
“But… you just said that Rock Man was-”
“SHHHH!”
“… Why can they hear me but not you?”
Soarin looked at her confused, “They can't hear you. They're rocks; apart from Stoner, none of them have any ears!"
“Then why do I need to be careful in what I say?”
Soarin timidly looked at Mrs. Gritcould, then down to Pegarock, then slowly back up to Rainbow Dash like the answer was obvious… and terrifying; “They can lip read.”
“O…K.”
Rainbow Dash turned her back to Mrs. Gritcloud, and then realized there were four more rocks that were now within sight of her mouth, “Can those guys be trusted?” She… joked, indicating the rocks within view.
Soarin carefully stood up and set Pegarock back down on the windowsill looking outwards, without ever letting her face Rock Man and Agate. He pinned a Sudoku puzzle book back underneath her, which had obviously been there for a while, put her glasses on her and picked up a pen that had fallen on the floor, and clipped it under Pegarock’s wing, then turned back to Rainbow Dash and wrapped both their heads in a cocoon with his wings. At first, Dash thought he was about to kiss her and then concluded that this was quickly becoming the weirdest date that she had ever been on.
“...So… umm… If Rock Man is in love with someone else, doesn’t Pegarock have the right to know about it?”
“Rock Man is still really in love with Pegarock, I’m sure of it, he just won’t admit it.”
“…Then shouldn’t Agate know her colt friend loves someone else?”
Soarin looked stupefied; “Agate isn’t Rock Man’s marefriend.”
“She’s not?”
Soarin looked down ashamedly, “She’s a hooker.”
“…Oh.”
“Rock Man and Pegarock’s marriage had been having trouble for a long time, and I thought that if they just had a little bit of time away from each other they’d realize how much they missed each other; so I sent Rock Man on a holiday alone and then… well… you know how rocks are.”
“…Ya-ha.”
“Rock Man didn't know that Cobble Snap had gotten a new camera, but he had, and he was spying on all the other rocks for a story to put in his column of The Rock Watch Magazine. When Pegarock saw the pictures she filed for a divorce; and then blamed me for sending Rock Man on the vacation, to begin with, like I wanted him to have an affair. Ever since then I’ve been trying to get them back together, but both of them are too stubborn to admit they still have feelings for each other and neither of them are willing to talk to me.”
“Can’t you just… you know, put them back together?”
“Don’t you think I’d have done it if it was that simple?! I’ve tried everything I can think of, but they’re still not willing to talk it out. All I want is for the two of them to get back together again.”
“Why did you even make them break up in the first place?”
Soarin’s eyes flashed anger, “I never meant for any of this to happen! I just wanted Rock Man to have a nice holiday; I never would have taken him if I’d known what he’d do, and I didn't see the magazine issue before it was already out. It’s not my fault!”
“…Yes, it is.”
Soarin turned white with rage, his wings trembled as they fell away from her as he stepped back and dropped onto the bed, raising one hoof at her accusingly; “How-how could you say that?”
Rainbow Dash blinked a couple times, making sure she had the facts straight in her mind before saying anything, “… If you buy a prostitute pet rock… to service another one of your pet rocks… and then his rock-wife divorces him… that is your fault.”
“So you're taking Pegarock’s side!?”
“…Yes.”
Something snapped inside Soarin; for a second Dash thought that he was going to yell, or maybe even grab her by the mane and throw her out the front door. Either one of those would have been better than staring at her for a long minute, sniffling, and then having big wet tears start trickling down his face, “I-it’s not my fault.” He insisted, looking at Rock Man rather than her, “I n-never meant for anything to happen.”
“Umm, Soarin.”
Soarin had picked up Rock Man and was cradling him in both hooves; “Why did you need to do that Rock Man? You had a good thing going there with Pegarock, why did you have to cheat on her, and lie to me.”
“I-I’m… just going to leave now if that’s OK.”
“The holiday was meant to be so you could remember you loved Pegarock; not so you could cheat on her. Maybe it had been a while since she’d slept with you, but that didn’t mean you had to throw your marriage away. Talk to me! Or at least talk to Pegarock; you could send her some flowers, she always liked those, I could deliver them for you.”
Rainbow Dash edged towards the door; she watched Soarin for another moment, and he didn’t seem to notice she had moved so she stepped out into the hallway, shaking her head and tucking her tail. There were five other stallions on the team; no reason she needed to date Soarin.
Author's Note
Satellite story to Soarin's Pet Rock
Most people wouldn't think that a pet rock could have many adventures.
Most people would be wrong.
