1.“Reality continues to ruin my life.” (edited)
prologue
Y'know things could get a lot worse this coming from the eternal optimist,
ah but forgive me where are my manners, oh wait there they are get back in thier you little rascals, they always seem to get ways from me but alas, my name, well i go by many of them now adays discord,harmony,that crazy loon that stole my sweet roll but to those that truly knew me my name is Garrus.
As its stands im currently in the process of still trying to get comfortable in the stone body suit ol'sunbutt has placed me in it its taken almost nine century's give or take but i think ive almost got... ah much better now where was i oh yes, it wasent my first choice so as much as my only choice when they fired the orbital friendship cannon at me, i half expected to be but so much dust to be honest, well it turns out the most "harmonious" thing that those over polished rocks could do was seal me in stone to be a lawn ornament fully conscious mind you for the next millennia of giggling school children to laugh at and horny mares to blush at the dashing roue that i am or maybe its the pose i got stuck in or maybe even the fact that i picked thee worst time to get turned on by the would be hero's at the time.
Of course it wasent always like this, me, celly and lulu used to get along just fine believe it or not i even dated one of them... which one you ask ah ah ah a gentleman never kisses and tells, bah who am i kidding I've got another two maybe three decades before this blasted stuff comes off i might as well give you clue. she went bananas there that's the only one your getting.
still it makes me wonder what i did to get put in here i mean i get that to much chaos is a bad thing and that there's a balance to be kept but whats the fun if the scales are always level its like trying to play with a slinky in a world without stairs, seriously i mean i made those ponies lives better it not like i killed anyone right... right? i mean how was i supposed to know that manticores go crazy when they see anything with a checkerboard pattern i mean its not like anypony has studied them God knows that those pony's are far to skittish to go into the...the Everfree forest *pfft*
Those namby pamby pony's wouldn't know hardship if it came up and bit them, *sigh* celestia what have you done to this place i remember when i first got here your guard used to make me drop one in my small clothes, now on seem you've slipped up hell with the state of these guys i doubt the could stop a bunny stampede just because there has not been an equestrian war since what that a millennia now doesn't mean there is not going to be one ever stubborn celly is stubborn,
how can i see?... well that quite simple my body maybe sealed in stone, magic resistant stone i'll give it that but that doesn't stop my mind from literately wandering anywhere it wants, you maybe able to halt chaos but you never stop it its a force of nature as sure as magic an earthquake or a tsunami is.
I guess i shouldn't complain that much at least sunny send's a cleaner on by now and then to get the the bird shit off me, i swear its the same bird that does it as well i don't know how i know but i know and when i get out the first thing im gonna do if find and strangle that thing, hell celly herself comes by some times, my how shes grown in more ways than one it would seem, i always told all that cake would go straight to her hips, not that i was complaining at the time ah *sigh* hate to see her go, love to watch her leave...
You still there... yes? good i suppose ive jawed on long enough another couple of decades and im out of this thing i'm lucky in that regard
i mean i could be like little lulu and be stuck in such a desolate place as the moon its a shame such a thing happened i had cautioned sunny when her head started getting a bit big for her shoulders, ah the lime light and its cruel troughs of passion, seems she never even took a single word i said to heart i mean i even offered to handle her job for a little while so she could spend it with luna she then proceeded to slam me into her throne room wall repeatedly it didn't hurt per say but you would probably find it comparable to being ran over by a semi truck going 80 down a free way.
i just hope im not instantly turned back to stone after i break free its been too long since ive had some fun, oh the prank wars we used to have what ever happened to my two beautiful girls they used to be so much fun but now Celly's got a stick up her plot and Luna is kinda possessed hopefully when she come down from her thousand year time out we can get her back to her old self the fun loving Luna the never leaves home without a smile Luna bah all the nostalgia is making me ill.
Whats it like?, being trapped in stone ain't so bad i guess, it could be worse i could have gone crazy i mean i did for a time but that gets kinda boring after a while, hmm... whats that you want to know where i came from well i guess i could tell you its been so dreadfully long since ive had a captive audience well there was that one filly that used to visit a century or two ago, very well grab a cushion and plant your keister this might take a while...
