Waking Up To A New Life

by Captain Ish

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Sex, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 6020

OH NO! Oh, yes. This is another human in Equestria story, another human x pony story. But it's my very first story ever. So, human wakes up in Equestria, check. Human falls in love with pony, check. Human protects pony, and the rest of Equestria? Yes

So, I'm new to this. Not exactly sure what I should be doing. First story. Let's see, human wakes up in Equestria? Check. Human falls in love with pony? Check. Human protects pony and the rest of Equestria? Check. Human is an amnesiac at first? ... Maybe. Never written a Fan or Fim fiction before this. It's my first.

Published 2015-03-16 13:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-16 13:30:03 UTC

Meeting Me

I'm Wes. Wes Sanders to be exact. I'm about 5' 9", average build, I'm a senior in high school, so I'm 18. I have blue eyes and blonde hair. It's August now. So school's starting back up. Yippee. And, this, is the story of how my life changed forever.

"What should I do today" I said as I looked over at my clock which said 6:00 p.m.

"Holy shit! Six? I slept 'till six? The fuck did I do last night?" I started to think back to last night's events. "That's right. Jayden and I were up all night, fencing." Jayden's my cousin, he's a ginger. Enough said. He and I are both into swordplay and fencing. We started about two years ago, when we both got LARPing swords. Mine was the Master Sword. His was Excalibur. I suggested to him that we both learn swordplay so we could fence off. Little did he know that, I already knew a lot about swordplay. So when we had our first bout, I knocked him on his ass.

That's not all I've done with swordplay. I went to a medieval fair last year, and they had a live swordplay demonstration, and, after that, they were taking volunteers from the audience to try their hand at sword fighting. So, of course, being the natural sword fighter that I was, and still am, I volunteered, used a real sword, which, by the way, weighs a lot, I mean, It's metal. Anyway, I volunteered, and knocked the demonstrators on their asses. So, I'm pretty good with a sword.

I do a lot of other things too. I play the trumpet,(and I'm damn good at it.) I play the violin, and I play both bass and electric guitar. I'm also in the high school's marching band. And I'm the best trumpet there. I have great hand-eye coordination. I've studied ninjutsu, that's what ninjas learned to be all stealthy. I'm pretty stealthy myself. I'm a damn good street fighter. I'm the top runner on my school's track team. I can also shoot. I can use a bow to shoot an apple out of a tree that's approximately 150 - 300 feet away. I can also use a shotgun to completely obliterate a clay target out of the air. I can do a wide variety of activities, as you can obviously see.

I'm kind of smart. Like, I'm a mixture of street-smart, and book-smart. I know my elements of the Periodic Table, and I know how to tell if someone's lying by the look on their face and body language.

"Ah, damn. What should I do for what's left of the day?" I decided on watching both 'Equestria Girls' movies. About twice, each. By then, I was ready to go back to sleep. And so I did. I drifted off to sleep, while thinking about how amazing it would be to live in Equestria.

Author's Note

Wow. My very first chapter on my very first story. I have so many ideas for this story, and other stories too! I'm so excited! P.S. For those who don't know, LARP stands for: Live Action Role Playing.

Family, Life, and Pwning Scrubs

MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!

"God dammit! You sorry pile of shit! What the fuck is your Goddamn problem? Huh? Why the fuck do you torment me like this? You annoying mechanical beast from the depths of Hell itself! I will always rue the day I wasted fifteen dollars on you, you sorry, deafening, fit-inducing, mind-numbingly, annoying pile of garbage!
Always waking me up when I don't need to be awake! Where were you yesterday, when I slept until six in the evening? Huh?"

I proceeded to unplug the digital alarm clock from the wall, and open the window.

"Why? Why are you always pissing me off? No more. No more! No fucking more!"

I threw the clock out of the window landed in the street, proceeded to let itself get run over by a car, ultimately becoming a pile of spare parts.

"That takes care of that" I said rubbing my hands together. "Now, for food." I opened the door and went out into the hallway, and ran down the stairs. Skipping every third step or so, give or take. Went into the kitchen, and made myself a bowl of the manliest cereal ever: Cheerios. 'Why are they manly?' you ask. Because they have NO. FUCKING. FLAVOR. And only real men like me can enjoy them correctly. No sugar. No added ingredients, or other flavor-boosters.

Once I finished my cereal, I headed back upstairs, only to come face-to-face with my uncle , Ross. Here's the deal.

My parents are, or were, archeologists. A couple of years ago, they got a contract or something, from this big-time blueblood ancient artifact collector. They flew out to Guatemala, and set up their little digging camp or some shit. Stayed there for a few months, and went MIA. All while leaving me in the custody of my fucking, wait for it, "Uncle Gruncle". Yes. His parents, my grandparents, must've fucking hated him at birth. This is how I picture it. He pops out Grandma, she and Grandpa look at him, and say, "We already hate this fucker, so we're going to name him: 'Gruncle'."

He absolutely fucking hates it when I call him 'Uncle Gruncle', so he demands that I call him 'Uncle Ross', or else the fucker goes on a complete rampage. He's lived a good life, though. He was one of seven Valedictorians at his high school, went to law school for four years and became a lawyer. Then he met Aunt Melindora, and well, they got married. Uncle Ross quit his lawyering and Aunt Melindora is the CEO of some shower head company that no one's ever heard of. When Ross isn't making my life a living Hell, he's sleeping. When he's sleeping, Melindora is making me paint and garden and bake and go window shopping. When they're not around, I'm at school.

Continuing the story, I was going back upstairs to my room, and about half way there, I come face-to-face with Ross. "What were all'at noise boy? Yer gonna wake th' entire neighborhood wit' dat ruckus." Did I mention he has a sort of a speech impediment? "My alarm went off, so I went off on it." He just stared.

"Yeh. But dat don' 'splain th' broke up parts n' th' road."

"Oh. Well. I kinda, sorta, kinda sorta, maybe threw it out the window. Then it decided to let itself get run over by a car." He leaned closer. "Did Ah ever tell ha' what a f'ckin' dumbass yeh are?" By that point, I'd just about had enough of him. I opened my mouth to speak, but then Melindora came out of their bedroom and said,"Now Grunkie, the boy just overreacted a bit. That's all." Don't get me wrong, I love Melindora, but sometimes she pisses me off. "Those homosexual horses that he watches are probably just upsetting his nerves." Goddammit Melindora. If you paid any attention to my life at all, I'd probably like you better. And maybe I wouldn't spit in the cookie batter while you weren't looking.

"They're not horses, they're ponies. And watching and liking them doesn't make me gay. There are plenty of other straight guys that like the show. Now, it's Saturday, and I have stuff to do."

"What stuff? Masturbate t' yer so called ponies?"

"Fuck you Ross! I don't-

"WES! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LANGUAGE LIKE THAT?"

"Oh come the fuck on, Melindora! It's not my fault. Your beloved husband right there is a bad influence!"

"How dare you? You know he has a speech impediment! It's not his fault! You probably just mishear him! Anyway. Grunkie, I want you to go back to bed. Your doctor says it's not healthy for you to wake up, and then start yelling. Wes, I want you to go about your business.

"Thank you."

I walked into my room and closed my door. I strode over to my laptop, and started browsing on brony forums. "I love My Little Pony."

Just then, my phone went off. "Now who would be calling me at eight in the morning?" I checked my phone to see who it was. And who else should it be, but one of my ex-girlfriends. My most hated one at that. Kim. The reason I hate her is because she came up with a bullshit excuse to break up with me so she could date one of my friends. Here's what happened: I was teasing her sister because she meant to say "venomous", but she said "venonomous". So, I was like,"Wait, did you really just say 'venonomous'?" "Yeah." "Wow. You're just a little bit dumb, aren't you?" Sure it was a little mean, but I only meant to tease. But Captain Fantastic decided that was when she was going to come up with her bullshit excuse, and, I quote:"I can't go out with someone who makes fun of my sister." Yeah. Several problems with that: 1)I wasn't making fun of her, and you know it. 2)Your excuse is bullshit. 3)You're only doing this so you can go out with my friend.

Once I found out that was her reason, I've hated her ever since. Some people tell me I'm overreacting. I just say "fuck you".

So I'm contemplating whether I should pick up the phone or not. Here's what I'm thinking; I could ignore it because I hate her, but I might learn something useful.(Probably not.)

I pick up the phone.

"Wes! Where are you? Did you forget. There's marching band practice today! You were supposed to be here like, an hour ago! Where are you?"

"Um. At my house."

"Why?!?!"

"I forgot there was practice today. By the way. Why are you calling me?"

"Forester picked someone to call you."

"So, let me get this straight. Forester told you to call me, even though he, and the rest of the band know that I hate you?"

"Oh. Well. Maybe he didn't pick me and I might've. Volunteered without permission."

"You, 'volunteered without permission'."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Um. When are you going to get here?"

"Tell Forester I don't have a ride. Oh, and, just let me confirm; you volunteered without permission?"

"Yes."

"That's bullshit I'm hanging up!" And so, I hung up. After a while of browsing ponies, I got bored. "Hmm. I think some scrubs are about to get rekt on Call of Duty. And so, I went down to the basement, switched on the ol' Xbox 360, loaded up Black Ops II, and rekt sum scrubs.

Author's Note

Wow. Long-ass chapter. But there's more in store for Our Little Human.

The Party

Applejack and I had just walked into Sugarcube Corner only to meet an always crazy, always random Pinkie Pie. But, there were a LOT of ponies I didn't know.

"Um, Pinkie Pie, who are all these ponies?"

"Hm? Oh! It's a public party! Anypony can come!"

"Uh-huh. Pinkie, you do know that there are ponies drinking in that corner, right?"

"Well, DUH! It's a public party! Anypony can come and do whatever they want!"

It was a pretty average Pinkie-Party, minus the alcohol. And the fact that I got hit on by a couple of drunk stallions. And the occasional mare. Then, Vinyl Scratch came over to talk to me.

"Hay, Vinyl! What's up?"

"Rainbow Dash! I wanna fuck you!"

"What?!" I yelled. I could feel my cheeks becoming red.

"Come on! We're both girls! We're both lesbians!"

"No, Vinyl, I'm not a lesbian. Besides, aren't you with Octavia?"

"That bitch can't please me anymore! I'm drunk dammit!"

"Listen, Vinyl. I know you're drunk but, I'm not a lesbian."

"Yeah you are! *hic* Everypony knows it!"

"What? Everypony thinks I'm a lesbian?"

"Well duh! Isn't that wh- *hic* what I just said? I did say that right? It's not just in my mind? I'm feeling... A bit... Sleepy... Good night... Rain... Bow... Dash..."

Aaaaaaannnnd, she passed out. Shocker! I walked over to where Twilight was standing.

"Hay Twilight!"

"Oh! Hello Rainbow Dash!"

"Twilight." I tried to hide the embarrassment on my face.

"Yes?"

"Do you... Do you think... Do you think that... DOTHINKTHATI'MALESBIAN?"

"What?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you? Do you think that I'm lesbian?"

"Oh! Well, um, I, uh, you haven't, er, I can't, um-"

"Oh, just say it! You think I'm a lesbian!"

"Rainbow Dash no! I-"

"I thought you were my friend!"

"Rainbow Dash! I am your friend!"

Twilight's POV:

Then Rainbow Dash ran out of Sugarcube Corner, crying. Because of me. I didn't think she was a lesbian. She just surprised me by asking so quickly. "Rainbow Dash, wait!" I shouted. She was already gone. I had to get the girls together so we could find her. So I could apologize.

Author's Note

Dang. What a chapter. I, for one, do not think Rainbow Dash is a lesbian, but I will not critisize anyone who does. Because personally, I think it could make for a good fanfic. *cough* future fanfic *cough* Man, maybe I'm coming down with a cold.

Finding Dash: Part Two

Now that five of the six Elements of Harmony were together, we could find Rainbow Dash. The only question was, 'where was she?'.

We were walking down the road away from Sugarcube Corner, when Pinkie Pie spotted a filly with an orange coat, and a purple mane and tail. I recognized her as Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash's biggest fan. I called out to her. "Scootaloo!" She was surprised at the sound of her name. "Yeah, what?"

"Have you seen Rainbow Dash lately?"

"Rainbow Dash? No."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"She ran away and we're trying to find her. Is there anywhere she goes when she's upset?"

Her eyes lit up. "Yeah! There's a cloud on the edge of the Everfree Forest that she goes to lay on when she's upset. I've seen her crying on it more than once."

"Thank you, Scootaloo! Thank you!"

"No problem! Anything to help friends of Rainbow Dash!"

As we took off towards the Everfree Forest, Rarity said, "Such a nice filly."

Rainbow Dash's POV:

I was flying toward my cry-cloud. And I thought, 'Everypony thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian.'

"There it is." I settled down on my cry-cloud, and started crying.

Twilight's POV:

We were almost there when Pinkie Pie spotted a cloud all on it's own, just outside the Everfree Forest. We were right under it. I called up; "RAINBOW DASH! ARE YOU UP THERE?!" She tried to fly away, but I grabbed her with my magic, and levitated her down to us.

"Hay! Let me go!"

"Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry.

"No you're not! Everypony thinks that I'm a lesbian, but I'm not!"

"Rainbow Dash, darling, nopony thinks you're a lesbian."

"Twilight does! I asked her!"

"Rainbow, you just surprised her, that's all."

"Huh?"

"Yeah! Now why don't you just turn that frownie upside downie!"

"I don't understand."

"Rainbow, you just surprised me is all. I wasn't ready for a question like that."

"*sniffle* Really?"

"Yes."

"Aw, thanks. I'm sorry for running away like that. I guess I just overreacted. I don't know what I would do without you five."

"Aw. That's so sweet Dashie! Now, how about a groupie huggy-wuggy?"

"Thanks girls."

*SQUEE*

"Well everypony, it's getting dark, and I bet my animals are starting to get lonely without me."

"Yes. And I must return to the boutique."

"I have to go clean up that party, or Mr. and Mrs. Cake will be upset."

"And Ah have to get back to the farm to make sure Applebloom and her friends haven't destroyed anything. May Celestial have mercy on their souls if they have."

"Bye girls!" I said just as Rainbow Dash was sniffling behind me. "Thanks Twilight. Look, it's not that I don't appreciate all that you did but, what if I don't meet my stallion?"

"Oh Rainbow Dash, I'm sure you will. Not me or any of the girls have found their stallion yet."

"I know Twilight, but, what if I never meet him?"

"Rainbow stop that. You will. I'm sure of it."

"Thanks Twilight."

"You're welcome, Dash."

"Well, I should get home and get some rest. After all, I've got a big day of being AWESOME tomorrow. Bye Twilight!"

"Good-bye Rainbow Dash!" 'Today was a good day', I thought.

Author's Note

Not the original ending I had planned but, you know, you've gotta do some cutting and pasting here and there to make things work.

Dreams, Scrubs, and Rainbow Dash Plushies

"And the scrubs have gotten shrekt!" I shouted after my fifteenth win on a free-for-all deathmatch on Nuke Town 2025." Now what?" I got up from the couch, powered of the Xbox, and headed back up to my room. Surprisingly, I was not intercepted by Ross or Melindora. "Hm. Wonder what the scrubs are up to." I thought, 'Probably fucking each other's brains out.' Scary. The thought of imagining thinking about that makes me shudder.

I climbed up the stairs and entered my room to find-

That it was perfectly fine. Nothing had been disturbed. "Huh, that's a first." Usually, when I'm not in my room for long periods of time, I can find Ross in it, going through my stuff. I looked over at my nonexistent clock. "What? Where's my- oh, yeah. I threw it out the window. Well, I'll just check my watch then." And my watch read: 8:30 P.M. "Huh. Not late, but still too late to do some stuff. What to do. What to do. Fuck it. I'll read fanfics." I went over to my laptop, powered it on, logged into Fimfiction, and browsed through Rainbow Dash stories until it was 10:30 P.M.

"Shit. The only two good ones I read were a Rainbow Dash x Daring Do clopfic, and one where Rainbow made Discord, Celestia, Luna, and Cadence her bitch." By then I was dog-tired and ready to sleep. I stripped off my jacket and jeans, grabbed my Rainbow Dash plushie, and snuggled up with it.

"Shit. How fucking amazing would it be, if I went to sleep tonight, and woke up in Equestria tomorrow? Probably not. Oh well, at least I have you, my dear, Rainbow Dash plush." My eyelids became heavy, I started to nod off, but not before starting to hum the tune to 'Winter Wrap-Up'.

"Good night, Rainbow Dash, see you tomorrow." And I drifted off, and let the infinite abyss of sleep take me to my dreams.

Author's Note

A really short chapter. Sorry. I didn't have very many ideas for this one.

Human In Equestria

I woke up to find beams of light illuminating my face through my window. I sat up and looked around my room. "Well, so far it doesn't seem like I'm in Equestria." I slid out of my bed and dug around my room for fresh clothes. I decided on a pair of dark blue jeans, my Nike's, a rainbow-themed T-shirt, and my plain, white, jacket. I put my Rainbow Dash plush back up on it's place on my dresser. At least I would if I could find it. "Fuck. Where is it? Goddammit! Son of a fucking whore, where is it!?!!" I could not find it to save my life. "Fuck it. I'll look for it later." I opened my door, expecting to hear Ross, blaring the T.V. at full volume. But, no. Nothing. "Roosss? Where is you bitch? Ok seriously, if you jump out at me I'm gonna punch you in the nose, old man. Gruncle? Merilindora? Anyone? Helloooooo? Fuck my ass with a lead pipe? Where is everyone? Those two don't trust me to stay here on my own." I proceeded to search all of the rooms thoroughly. No sign of either one. "Well, shit." To occupy myself, I flickered the light on and off, because I know Ross hates that. "On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On, off, on, off, on, off. On off on off on off. ONOFFONOFFONOFFONOFFONOFF!!! Fuck! Where is everybody? This doesn't make sense.

"Well. What. The. Fuck. Ever. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of water. As I was sipping on it I thought, 'Now, where could those assholes be? They don't trust me to be here on my own, asleep or not. So it rules out them leaving at the same time. I just don't understand this.'

Then I decided to go outside. My first reaction was: "Wot?", then, "Wait?", followed by, " Uhh, U wot m8? I'll fuckin' shrek yer cabige patch. I r8 gr8 m8, 8/8. Ok, everything I knew about logic just got assfucked." You see, the house was always in a suburb. Now it was in the middle of an open. Fucking. Field. Yeah. I know. I'm going 'What the fuck?' too. I even tried imagining myself at my laptop, and pressing, and holding the following keys, in the order that they are presented: CTRL ALT DEL. Did not work. What. The. Fuck. Even. So, like the wise being that I am, instead of lying on the ground, curling up into the fetal position, and having an absolute mental breakdown, I walked around and explored.

This place had sort of a cartooney feel to it. Almost, frilly, or girlish. And I thought, 'Hm. Well we're definitely not in Kansas anymore. Not that, we were in Kansas to begin with.' Yeah, fuck me.

Rainbow Dash's POV:

I was flying around in the morning, over the field near the Everfree Forest, when, I saw a house. At least, I assumed it was a house. So, like the wise being that I was, instead of flying back to Ponyville to tell Twilight and the other elements, I flew down to check it out. "Hmm. Definitely not Equestrian. What could it be?"

That's when I saw IT. It was some sort of creature walking around on two legs. It didn't seem to know where it was. It definitely wasn't from Equestria or any of the surrounding lands. That's when I decided to fly back and get the other elements.

Wes's POV:

I was just walking around the field when something made me look up, I saw a rainbow trail following a creature with four legs. The only other thing I could see before it was out of sight, was that it had a cyan coat. "I'm in Equestria no doubt about that now. How I got here is beyond me. All I know is: I'm here. I think I'll stay here, at the house. She'll come back."

Author's Note

Yes! I've been waiting so long to write this chapter. Oh! The ideas! The adventures! Oh! It's too much! I'm so excited for this!

Introductions

Two hours. Two fucking hours. They're still not back! "Where are they? I've read enough fanfics to know that the time it would take to travel to Ponyville and back to the Everfree Forest isn't that long. Where are they?" Just then, I heard a knock at the door. I creeped over to it using my super-stealthy ninja skills. I put my ear on the door and listened, I could hear whispering.

"Why are we at its home? What if it eats us?

"Applejack, please, I'm sure that whatever Rainbow Dash saw isn't going to eat us."

"Twilight. I'm scared."

"But Fluttershy, what if this is a new opportunity for you to meet a new friend? What if it can't take care of itself, and it needs a loving, gentle pony to take care of it?"

"You're right. Now I'm sure that whatever's in there needs us!"

"That's the spirit! Aren't we always ready to make new friends?"

"Yeah, but what if it's a SPY?"

"Rainbow Dash! You big silly-head! I'm sure all it needs is a party!"

I don't think they realized that they were getting louder. While they were talking, more yelling than talking at this point, I went upstairs to what was, Ross and Melindora's room. Opened the bedroom window, and climbed out. It's one of those houses where there's a roof over the porch, and there's room with a window, the windows level with it. When I got to the edge, I kind of went Splinter Cell. I grabbed on to the ledge with my hands, slowly lowered my body to its full length, and dropped. Landing safely, and silently in the grass. Oh, and they were still talking. Before I made my presence known, I talked to myself in my head. 'Ok. Here's what's gonna happen. They can't know anything about my past. No talking about family. If the subject comes up, I was born on the streets, and I raised myself. Second, they can't know about My Little Pony, or anything involving the subject. So I have to play dumb.' I took a deep breath and waited for the opportunity to present myself.

"Ah don't know. We've knocked at least four times, and it still hasn't come to the door."

"Maybe it's not here right now."

"Or maybe it's planning a party!"

"You know, IT, has a name." Oh man! Their reactions! Rarity fainted, Fluttershy curled up into a ball, Twilight jumped, Applejack made a frowny-face, Dash got screamed and got a wing boner. Pinkie, Pinkie wasn't even phased.

"Oh, well, greetings, mysterious creature. I, am Princess Twilight Sparkle. And these are my friends: Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Together, we are the Elements of Harmony!"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Wait. You speak Equestrian?"

"What you call Equestrian, I call English. Well, now that I know WHO you are, I want to know WHAT you are."

"Oh! Well, we're ponies. Rarity and I are unicorns, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are pegasi, Pinkie Pie and Applejack are earth ponies."

"Hm. Well, where I'm from, unicorns and pegasi are mythical beings."

"Oh. Hay! Speaking of which. Who are you? What are you? Where are you from? And how did you get here?"

"My name's Wes. Wes Sanders. I'm a human. I'm from planet Earth. As for how I got here, I haven't a clue."

"Oh my! Well, how unicorns and pegasi are mythical for you, humans are mythical for us! Now, where is this 'Earth'? It doesn't sound like any Equestrian city, and I don't think it's one of the surrounding countries."

"Equestria? The fuck is that?" They all, except for Rarity who was still fainted, cringed at the sound of a certain word. I'm sure you can guess which one.

"Well, Equestria is where you are, right now." Just now, Rarity was beginning to stir.

"Oh my! Twilight! What in Equestria is that?" Twilight told Rarity everything I told her.

"I see. Well Mr. Wes, I must say your choice of attire is rather gruesome, to put it lightly."

And I must say that I expected this, but I played along with my original plan. "Excuse me? And just what's wrong with my clothes?"

"Oh darling! I didn't mean to offend you! I merely inquiring that fashion from your world is a mystery to me."

Dash's wing boner was finally gone. "Well, I like the rainbow shirt!"

"Uh, thank you. I think."

Rainbow Dash's POV:

This Wes creature was kinda confusing. I don't understand him. But, I hafta admit, he's kinda cute. For some weird creature. "I'm Rainbow Dash!"

"Yes, thank you. I believe I've gathered that already." The way he talks is kinda confusing.

"You didn't let me finish! I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest and best flyer in Equestria! And a future Wonderbolt!"

"Wonderbolt?"

"You've never heard of them? They're only the most amazing fliers in all of Equestria! Next to yours' truly, of course."

"Sure. Look I don't know where I am exactly, or how I got here. But, I just woke up about three hours ago. And, I'm bored. Is there something we could do for fun? I mean, if you already consider me your frien-" I was cut off by Pinkie Pie gasping deeply.

"OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH! I just realized! You need a party!"

"A party?"

"Yes!"

"You see, Pinkie Pie throws a party for all of the new ponies in Ponyville. Or I guess in your case, all of the new residents rather than ponies."

"Ponyville?"

"Yes! That's the name of the town!"

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go! I love parties!"

"Aw, yeah!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Time for a good old fashioned Pinkie Party!"

And so, we set out for Ponyville. But this, my friends, is where my adventure truly begins!

Author's Note

Yaaaay! Finally! Wes met the mane six! I had a different idea for this chapter, but I think that's for another fanfic! *wink wink nudge nudge*

My Party: Part One

Walking. Walking. Walking. So much fucking walking. I know from the show, that the Everfree Forest is a good walking distance away from Ponyville. But I didn't expect an hour and a half trek. I asked Twilight "Are we there yet?"

"No.

"Why?"

"Um. Good question. I'll get back to on that." I mentally said 'fuck you'.

I continued to walk, but then stumbled into a bad habit of mine, looking down at my feet while I walk. I heard RD walk over. "Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah."

"Well then why are you keeping your head down like that?"

"It's a bad habit of mine. I really need to quit. It's probably bad for my neck."

"Maybe."

The rest of the way to town was silent. No one said anything. Then I started to think about how the fuck I ended up here. I came up with; 'magic'. Because magic somehow explains things better than science and logic can. And I have no problems with that because I hate science.

I leaned over to Applejack, "So, what are Pinkie's parties usually like?"

"There ain't nothin' like 'em!"

"And?"

"Ah can't think of anything. Ah guess the best way to describe a Pinkie Party is that, it's a Pinkie Party."

"Great. Real descriptive, this one." That's when I saw the town.

"Whoa. Is that it?"

"Yep. Mah Apple farm is just on the other side, on the outskirts."

"Apple farm?"

"Yep! Sweet Apple Acres! Best Apple farm around!"

"I like apples."

"Well, then you just might have to buy an apple. On the days when I'm out here with mah cart that is."

Shit. It just hit me. Money. I'm going to have to learn how the currency system works here. Then find a way to earn some. I decided to think about something else. "Well. Where's this party going to be?" I asked.

"Sugarcube Corner!"

"What?"

"Sugarcube Corner! It's a sweet shop!"

"Sweet shop? I like sweet things!"

"Well then you'll just love your party!"

"All right! Let's go!"

"Wait!"

"What now?"

"I need an hour to set up. You go do something else."

"Really?"

"Yes! Go!"

"Fine. Well what am I gonna do?"

Rainbow Dash's POV:

"You could hang out with me."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! Come on!"

"Alright, what are we going to do?"

"Tag! You're it!"

"Wait, what?"

I was already running away laughing. I looked back and saw that he was chasing after me. I guess he does know how to play Tag.

The Race

So, I was just flying around and being totally, undeniably, super cool, fantastically, and utterly AWESOME!!! When Applejack shows up and says:

"Rainbow Dash! Are you up for a little race to Sugarcube Corner?"

"What for?"

"Pinkie Pie's throwin' another party!"

"What's the occasion?"

"Ahm a rotten apple if Ah know. 'Probly just Pinkie throwin' a party just for the sake of throwin' a party."

"Yeah, you're probably right. So, about that race?"

"You sure you're up for it?"

"You kiddin'? I'm always up for a race!"

"Alright. But no wings!"

"Applejack, please. Would I ever cheat in a race?"

"Yes."

"What?!"

"Yeah! You remember that one time-THREETWOONEGO!"

"What the hay! I wasn't even ready! Who's the cheater now!?"

So then I took off after her towards Sugarcube Corner, determined to beat her in this race. To continue to prove that I'm the fastest on land, just like I'm the fastest in the air.

Author's Note

Second chapter! YAAY! Quote of the day:"yay!" - Fluttershy. The sonic rainboom episode.

To Sugarcube Corner!

Ah had just turned the corner, and Sugarcube Corner was in sight. Ah was ahead of Dash, but not by much, and she was dangerously close to passing me. Ah put on a bit more speed, but it cost me. It became harder to control mah running, and it also became easier to tri-

"Ha! Applejack tripped! This race is mine!"

Now way in tarnation was Ah goin' to let that rainbow-haired punk beat me. Ah got up started runnin' as fast as Ah could, but, it was no use. She was already in front of Sugarcube Corner, jumpin' for joy.

"Haha! Who's the fastest on land AND in the air? Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash! That's who!"

"No fair! You tripped me! We agreed no cheatin'!"

"Hay! Come on now, I didn't trip you."

"Yeah, ya' did."

"No. I didn't."

"Then explain how Ah fell."

"Um. You're bad."

I sighed, and we both walked into Sugarcube Corner, only to be greeted by an always hyperactive Pinkie Pie.

"HIRAINBOWDASHHIAPPLEJACKAREYOUEXCITEDFORTHEPARTYCOMEONINHAVESOMECAKEHAVESOMEPUNCHLET'SPLAYGAMESJUSTHAVEFUN!!!!!!!!!!"

Rainbow Dash said, "Pinkie Pie, you are SO random."

Author's Note

Don't worry, our bipedal mammal shall soon join our favorite quadrupeds. (Human will soon be with ponies.)

Finding Dash: Part One

"Rainbow Dash wait!" Ugh. I had just upset Rainbow Dash. She asked me if I thought if she was a lesbian or not. I didn't think she was, she just surprised me by asking out of the blue like that, that I stuttered. I had to get the other four elements together so we could find her, and I could explain.

First, I set out to find Pinkie. I found her by the snacks table with Gummy, her pet alligator.

"Pinkie! You have to help me! We need to find Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity!"

"Why?"

"I accidentally upset Rainbow Dash, and she ran away. I need your's, Applejack's, Fluttershy's, and Rarity's help to find her so I can apologize!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean,'why?'? Rainbow Dash is our friend!"

"No. I mean, why did you upset her?"

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident."

"What happened?"

"She asked me if I thought if she was a lesbian, and it surprised me. So I stuttered. I think she misunderstood."

"Well, then we definitely have to find Flutter-Jack-Ity!"

"Flutter- what?"

"Oh, it's just something I came up with. It's a faster and easier way to say, 'Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity'."

"Ok. Let's go!"

Pinkie and I crossed over to the drink area and found Applejack.

"Applejack! We need your help!"

"With what?"

"We need your help to find Rainbow Dash!"

"What happened?" I then proceeded to tell Applejack the story of the question.

"Ah see. She needs a barrel-full of discipline, but she's still mah friend. Let's go!"

The three of us found Fluttershy in a dark corner, trying to hide from all of the other ponies behind her mane.

"Fluttershy! We need your help to find Rainbow Dash!"

"Why? Did she disappear?" I then told Fluttershy the story.

"Oh, I see. Let's go find Rarity then."

The four of us found Rarity flirting with a group of stallions. We practically had to pry her off of them.

"Rarity! We need your help to find Rainbow Dash! She's run away!"

"Why, darling. Whatever happened?" I then told Rarity. If had to tell another pony, I think I would've snapped.

"I see. For Rainbow Dash, I shall accompany you in your search!"

Author's Note

Twilight had to tell that story about four times. I had fun writing this chapter. It's about 11:10 P.M. right now.