Author's Note
I had the inspiration for this story yesterday after realizing that today would be Pi Day, and stayed up all night writing. I didn't sleep at all... Totally worth the eight hours of nonstop typing and thinking that went into it! I hope you all think so, too!
Note: I had originally intended to submit this at 9:26 AM on March 14, 2015, as is mentioned in the story, but I was unfortunately out of the house at that time and didn't have access to my computer. SO we're all going to pretend that that's what I did, okay? It's the thought that counts right? Right?
Gypsy Magic
Pinkie didn’t often get tired- after all, it took quite a lot to wear her out, even if most ponies would swear that there was no way in Equestria that Pinkie slept more than four hours a night- but that party had been a doozy. Her Pinkie Sense had even told her so! It was also her Pinkie Sense that had told her what kind of party to throw; she’d been confused at first- why on earth would Time Turner need a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party when he’d practically been living there since before Twilight? When she’d asked him, he’d seemed surprised.
“So I end up spending more time here, then? I wonder what keeps me around…” he mused. “I don’t often stay anywhere or anywhen for any length of time. Anyway, since you obviously seem to know who I am- Time Turner, did you call me? You see-”
“Ooh! That version of you is still in your personal future and this is really your first time in Ponyville! That would totally explain why I didn’t feel the need to throw you a party when Ifirst saw you! We’re travelling along separate timestreams and meeting in the wrong order!” Pinkie said quickly. “Silly time! It’s all wibbly and wobbly and timey wimey!” She giggled.
“Finally someone who understands!” Time Turner exclaimed.
“I think you mean somepony,” Pinkie corrected.
“Somepo-” He cut himself off with a laugh. “Is- is that how you say it here? ‘Somepony’? Pfft!” He cracked up again. Pinkie joined in and the two were guffawing in the middle of the street for a good five minutes before Time Turner finally calmed down. Pinkie abruptly stopped laughing the moment he did.
“I don’t even remember why we were laughing!” Pinkie said with a grin. “But now I’m going to give you a real reason to smile and laugh! I give everypony a ‘Welcome’ party when they first come to Ponyville, and it’s time for yours! Come on!”
Nearly the entire population of Ponyville was already at Sugarcube Corner, most of them confused as to how exactly they’d ended up there, and the bash that Pinkie held that night was a party to top all parties. Most of the other ponies were even more confused than she’d been about why Time Turner was getting a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party, but everypony was having fun, so Pinkie was satisfied. That and she’d had the interesting opportunity to introduce Time Turner to the mare she was fairly sure had been the reason he had come back so often. Or would come back, she supposed, depending on your point of view. Ditzy was much smarter than most ponies gave her credit for, and immediately recognized that Time Turner had no idea who she was. Pinkie left the two to get to know each other and continued partying hard until the cows came home- not literally, of course, because no cows really lived at Sugarcube Corner. She crashed harder that night than she had in ages, but as always she was full of energy when she awoke.
It was early the next morning, and while most ponies had gone home the night before, Twilight had ended up passed out on the floor of the bakery, and Pinkie and the Cakes hadn’t had the heart to move her. Pinkie had planned to get a head start on baking for the day, but the Cakes were already up and had it all under control, so she bounced past the still-snoozing Twilight and went up to her room to check her calendar so she’d know when her next party was. What she saw on that calendar made her eye twitch and her blood run cold. It was March.
March 14th. Even worse, it was 2015. This was not good.
“MR. AND MRS. CAAAAKKKKEEEEE!!!!!!!!” Pinkie shrieked, barrelling down the stairs at supersonic speeds and waking Twilight with a jolt.
“What is it, Pinkie?” Mrs. Cake asked distractedly, putting another batch of cupcakes in the oven. “Did you have a birthday party you forgot to plan?”
“Worse!” Pinkie shrieked. Both bakers froze and looked at her, wide-eyed. For Pinkie to say something was worse than forgetting a birthday party, it had to be dire indeed.
“Pinkie, what-”
“It’s March 14th! It’s 2015! We only have an hour and a half until 9:26!” The Cakes’ eyes shrunk to pinpricks as a confused and slightly out-of-it Twilight poked her head into the kitchen.
“Pinkie, what’s all the fuss about?” she asked.
“No time to talk, Twilight!” Pinkie said. “I need you to tell everypony in Ponyville to stay inside and lock their doors! Oh, and put up the ‘closed’ sign on your way out!”
“What, no! Why!?” Twilight asked.
“The Pie Family Curse!” Pinkie exclaimed. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Cake were beginning to gather up as many supplies as they could and carry them upstairs to Pinkie’s room. “Don’t forget the windows, you guys!” Pinkie called after them.
“After last time? Never again!” Mr. Cake shuddered.
“Pinkie, what’s going on?” Twilight demanded.
“I told you, the curse!” Pinkie repeated.
“I thought we’d established a long time ago that curses don’t exist,” Twilight sighed exasperatedly.
“But that’s from evil enchantresses! Enchantressi?”
“You were right the first time,” Twilight face hoofed.
“This is a gypsy curse!” Pinkie continued, getting right up in Twilight’s face. “And they’re super duper real!”
“What exactly does this supposed ‘curse’ entail?” Twilight asked, raising a disbelieving eyebrow.
“I’ll tell you, but I’m gonna have to multi-task, Twilight. I only have until 9:26 to get everything done!”
“Fine, whatever,” Twilight agreed, and trotted up the stairs after Pinkie. She was somewhat disturbed to find that Mr. and Mrs. Cake had boarded up the windows and Mr. Cake was now constructing a brick wall in front of them, as well.
“I’ll get the air ducts!” Pinkie volunteered. She grabbed a large bag of flour and several rolls of duct tape and walked over to the grate, which she removed. With some effort, she managed to shove the bag of flour into the opening, effectively blocking it off, and began violently duct taping it into place.
“Pinkie, explain!” Twilight demanded.
“Okay, okay!” Pinkie exclaimed. “It all started on a Wednesday. Granny Pie was cursed by an eeeviillllll gypsy!” Twilight rolled her eyes, but didn’t interrupt. “From that moment on, all members of the Pie family, whether blood relatives or in-laws, have suffered the effects. The effects of… do you really want to know?”
“That’s why I asked, Pinkie!”
“The effects… of Pi Day! DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNNNNN!”
“Pi Day?” Twilight asked flatly.
“Pi Day,” Pinkie affirmed. “DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNNNNN!”
“I get it!” Twilight huffed. “What on earth is Pi Day?”
“Really, you don’t know?” Pinkie giggled. “I would’ve thought it’d be an egghead’s favorite holiday! Today is March 14th, Twilight! Three point one four! And to make matters worse, it’s 2015, so it’s 3.1415! The curse kicks in at the most pi-iest moment of the day, which this year is 9:26, so it’s 3.1415926!”
“Let me guess, it goes away at 5:35?” Twilight asked. “So it’s 3.1415926535?”
“Are you a psychic!?” Pinkie gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”
“I’m not a psychic! I just happen to have the first three hundred digits of pi memorized, thank you very much!” Twilight huffed.
“It’s okay, Twilight, you don’t need to get discouraged by that. You have to start somewhere,” Pinkie said comfortingly and a tad condescendingly, patting Twilight on the shoulder. “If you want I can help you study later! We could have a sl-Number Party! It’s like a slumber party, only with numbers!!!”
“Pinkie, we’ve locked up all the drawers and dressers,” Mrs. Cake called out. “Three deadbolts and a randomized passcode for each.”
“That’s not enough! Super Glue them shut if you have to! The less ammo I have access to, the better!” Pinkie ordered. Mrs. Cake hurried to do as Pinkie asked.
“Pinkie, you still haven’t explained what-”
“Pinkie, where do you want this?” Mr. Cake asked, gesturing to her gramophone.
“We can’t leave that in here, are you crazy!?” Pinkie shrieked. “Lock it up in the basement!”
“Got it!” Mr. Cake said, hurrying to do as he was told.
“What about the cupcake sculpture?” Mrs. Cake asked.
“Especially the cupcake sculpture!” Pinkie nodded, shoving the offending object out into the hallway.
“Pinkie, you need to explain!” Twilight complained. At that moment, Mr. Cake came back upstairs.
“Dear, can you take the cupcake down, too?” Mrs. Cake asked.
“Got it,” Mr. Cake saluted.
“Twilight, make yourself useful and magically bolt all the furniture to the floor!” Pinkie instructed.
“I still don’t understand why-”
“That’s not important right now! We only have-” Pinkie glanced at the clock. “45 minutes!? We need to start the final phases now!”
“But Pinkie, we’re not ready!” Mrs. Cake protested.
“NOW!” Pinkie demanded, jumping onto her bed. “Somepony get the straightjacket, my collar, the chains, the rope, the gag, and several more rolls of duct tape!”
“WHAT IS GOING ON!?” Twilight started to have a bit of a breakdown.
“Twilight, why haven’t you bolted the furniture down yet!?” Pinkie screamed.
“Why haven’t you answered you my questions!?”
“There’s no time for that, just DO IT!” Pinkie growled. Twilight ground her teeth and began magically tethering all the various furniture pieces in place.
“I got the emergency kit!” Mr. Cake proclaimed, holding up a box.
“Do it now!” Pinkie ordered. Mr. Cake ran over and pulled a straightjacket out of the box, which he immediately began putting on Pinkie. Once the straightjacket was in place, he put a collar around her neck and connected it to the headboard of the bed using two strong chains. Twilight was really not sure how to deal with this situation, and so curled up on the ground with her wings covering her eyes.
Mrs. and Mr. Cake then worked together to wind the long rope around Pinkie and the bed several times before Mr. Cake put his knot-tying skills to the test. They took extra care to ensure that Pinkie’s hind legs were bound flat to the bed, as well as all of her torso and most of her neck.
“Let’s finish this,” Pinkie said grimly. Mrs. Cake pulled out a gag and carefully tied it into Pinkie’s mouth. Mr. Cake then used duct tape to reinforce both the ropes and the gag, until all that could be seen of Pinkie under the metallic strips was her face above her nose.
“How much longer do we have?” Mr. Cake asked worriedly.
“21 minutes,” Mrs. Cake replied. “We’d better hurry. Make sure you grab everything on the way out. I’ll help Twilight, the poor dear.”
After the boxes of supplies had been cleared out of the room and Twilight had been dragged out by her tail, the long process of barricading the door began. Mr. Cake began by glueing the door shut with the Super Glue his wife had used earlier, and the both of them began piling anything and everything in front of Pinkie’s door- furniture, more flour bags, etcetera. Mr. Cake almost used Twilight as food for the pile, but stopped himself at the last moment.
“Would somepony please explain?” Twilight begged, finally uncovering her eyes and sitting up. Mr. Cake was adding boards across the door frame, but Mrs. Cake was willing to oblige the distressed mare.
“You see, on Pi Day every year, everypony in Pinkie’s family has been cursed to overload on energy. For most of her family, as you may have experienced with Maude, this just means they act like normal, cheerful ponies for a day. For Pinkie Pie, however, who already has an excess of energy, well… It’s like that time with the mirror pool. Imagine all of the duplicates combined into one, multiplied by pi. The last time she managed to get out of her room on Pi Day- let’s just say that Ponyville used to be twice this size. And that was a normal Pi Day! This Pi Day will leave her more super-charged than ever, and we haven’t had as much time to prepare!”
“That’s ridiculous,” Twilight scoffed. “The fact that it happens to be March 14th shouldn’t affect anything; it’s just a date on a calendar!”
“Just wait,” Mrs. Cake said darkly, shivering. She turned back to the door and began adding duct tape once again to the list of things keeping the door shut. Suddenly, there was a crashing sound downstairs, and moments later Rainbow Dash blurred to Twilight’s side.
“Twilight, what the hay are you still doing here!? Don’t you know what day it is!?” Rainbow exclaimed, putting her hooves on Twilight’s shoulders. “It’s Pi Day!”
“Oh not you, too!” Twilight sighed. “I’m telling you, there’s no way the calendar date
affects-”
“Ya know, sugarcube, ya really need to learn that ‘there’s no way’ and ‘Pinkie Pie’ don’t ever belong together in the same thought,” Applejack commented, joining the group in the hallway with a worried looking Spike riding on her back.
“You didn’t come back to the library last night, so I went to the girls for help looking for you. I didn’t know you were still here,” Spike explained.
“Applejack?” Rarity’s voice called from downstairs.
“She’s up here!” Applejack called, and Rarity and Fluttershy both ascended the stairs moments later, the latter looking extremely jittery and wishing she was anywhere else.
“Twilight, dear, we should get out of here. I’m sure the Cakes know what they’re doing, and I’d rather be on the other side of town when she goes supernova, if you don’t mind,” Rarity said delicately.
“Three minutes,” Mrs. Cake supplied helpfully.
“Oh no, it’s too late for us now!” Rarity wailed. “If we don’t make it, I want you all to know that you girls are the best friends I ever had!” Fluttershy started tearing up and curled into a ball, using Rarity as a buffer between her and Pinkie’s door.
“Ah’ll help blockade the door. It needs to stay closed if we’re gonna get through this,” Applejack said, walking over and bracing the reinforcements with her hooves.
“We’ll help blockade the door,” Rainbow Dash corrected, moving to join her. “If we go down, we go down together.”
“It can’t be as bad as all that… right?” Twilight said uncertainly.
“Two minutes.”
“I mean, Gypsy curses are just as fake as any other kind of curse!” Twilight insisted. “And what kind of a curse is ‘increased energy’, anyway!?”
“Hey, Rainbow,” Applejack said, turning to her blockade buddy. “Ah appreciate the help in here’n all, but Ah think ya might be a bit more helpful if’n ya support the windows. That’s how she got out last time, remember?”
“Good thinking, AJ,” Rainbow agreed, and flew off to keep Pinkie in from the outside.
“You’re all being silly!” Twilight said, although she sounded significantly less sure of herself, now, than she had previously.
“I do hope that everypony remembered to mark their calendars and that they’ve locked their doors,” Rarity mused. “It won’t help in the long run, I suppose, but it may buy them a few seconds if she does end up getting out.” Fluttershy whimpered at the thought.
“Forty-five seconds!”
“RD and Ah can make sure it doesn’t come to that,” Applejack said resolutely. “Ah’ll stay here all day if Ah have to. Everypony on the farm’s on lockdown, anyways. We never work on Pi Day.”
“I don’t think anypony in Ponyville does,” Rarity agreed. “Not if they have half a brain, in any case. I’ll stay here to bring you food, Applejack. You can’t be expected to hold her back all day without some form of sustenance.”
“What about Dash?” Applejack wondered. “Ah don’t think Fluttershy’s in any state to fly food to her at the moment. Pi Day is almost on level with Nightmare Night in her book.”
“I’m sure Twilight with be a dear and help out a friend in need, won’t you, Twilight?” Rarity asked, making her eyes wide and pleading.
“Of course I’ll help,” Twilight grumbled. “Even if I do think you all are blowing this way out of proportion.”
“... five, four, three, two, one,” Mrs. Cake finished counting down. Everypony waited with baited break, but nothing appeared to be happening.
“See?” Twilight sighed, shaking her head. “Pinkie’s probably just bored out of her mind all tied up like that with nothing to-”
BANG!
The entire blockade visibly jolted, despite all the support it had.
“She got through it a lot faster than usual this time,” Mr. Cake said worriedly. “Usually it takes her at least ten minutes!”
“It must be because of all the extra digits of pi today represents! It’s intensifying the effects of the curse more than we anticipated!” Mrs. Cake replied.
“But… the chains! Rope! Duct tape!” Twilight denied, staring at the door wide-eyed as it jolted again. Applejack struggled to keep it in place.
“This is Pinkie Pie we’re talking about,” Applejack pointed out. “I doubt a cell in Tartarus could keep that mare contained, even on a normal day.”
“And yet here we are, trying to accomplish exactly that, on a day when she’s even more energetic,” Rarity said worriedly. Ten minutes of irregular barraging was suddenly interrupted by a loud crash, the sound of glass shattering, and a startled yell from outside. Rainbow whizzed inside, looking horrified.
“We’ve got a huge problem! Pinkie’s loose! She managed to drill through the brick in front of the window!”
“Aw, lugnuts! The gal grew up on a rock farm!” Applejack exclaimed, face hoofing. “We shoulda known that wouldn’t work!”
“What are we all standing around here for!?” Rainbow yelled. “We don’t have much time! Equestria is at stake, here!”
“We need to stay here and look after the twins,” Mrs. Cake fretted.
“And, uh, I’ll stay here to help!” Spike said nervously. “Good luck!”
Twilight hadn’t fully believed any of it until she stepped outside for the first time. Pinkie had been loose, what, all of a minute? The mare herself was nowhere in sight, but she’d left behind a path of destruction so obvious a blind pony would probably notice. Confetti and streamers covered every available surface, and the force of her party cannon had damaged the siding on more than a few Ponyville homes. Splatters of cake batter were everywhere, some of the sweet goo smothering the plants in home gardens or clogging gutters. Balloon animals were falling from the sky, and a massive disco ball was affixed to the top of Town Hall, the weight of it visibly causing the roof to strain to support it. All up and down the street, party poppers kept going off of their own accord, and all of the buildings Twilight could see were wearing enormous party hats.
“. . . Sweet Celestia, we’re doomed,” she choked out.
“We gotta find her fast!” Applejack exclaimed. “Ponyville can’t afford another complete reconstruction!”
“What in the chaotic land of Equestria is going on here!?” a new voice demanded from behind them. They all spun around to see a rather unhappy-looking Discord crossing his arms. “Here I am, wanting to paint some pie-related chaos to join in on the Pi Day festivities, and here somepony’s already taken away my canvas!”
“Discord!” Fluttershy sighed in relief, rushing to his side. “It’s horrible! Pinkie Pie is out of control!”
“Pinkie did all this?” Discord asked, surveying his surroundings. “Well I must say, it sticks to the ‘party’ theme a bit too strictly for my tastes, but it’s still more chaotic than any of you have ever pulled off.”
“Discord, you have to help!” Fluttershy pleaded. “Ponyville can’t take all this Pinkie overload!”
“Aw, why not?” said a squeaky voice behind them. They all spun to see Pinkie bouncing up and down so fast that she was more of a pinkish blur on their retinas than a real image. “Aren’t parties fun? I think they’re fun, hey look a bird! Did you know bird have feathers!? One time I tried to make my own wings out of bird and pegasus feathers, but Rainbow Dash said that’s not how it works and you need pegasus magic to make wings work, but I don’t get why my earth pony magic won’t work, even though it’ll let me do crazy stuff like THIS!” She began bouncing in a ball all around the street, denting a lightpost and nearly busting a hole in the side of a building, before resuming her bouncing. “Ooh, ooh! I almost forgot, I got you all PRESENTS! But then I remembered that presents are for birthday parties, so I decided that today can be everypony’s birthday party, and that way everypony can open their presents now! Open them, open them, open them!” While she’d been talking, she’d placed gift boxes in front of them all so fast they hadn’t seen her move. “I really think you’ll all like them, so have fun, bye guys!” She sped off again before anypony could react.
“That. Was. HILARIOUS!” Discord guffawed, falling to the ground in pure glee. “Why was I not informed of this beautiful holiday before hoof!? Ooh, what presents did she get you all!?” Many frantic protests fell on deaf ears as he magically unwrapped all of their gifts, causing confetti to fly violently into all of their faces before they were able to get at their gifts, which were actually quite nice, if somewhat unevenly spread value-wise- Pinkie was the best gift giver in town, and this was apparently still true when she was hyperenergetic. A how-to book on writing books for Twilight, a quality travel sewing kit for Rarity, green hair ties for Applejack (how had she known Applejack was considering changing her mane style!?), season passes to the Wonderbolts shows for Rainbow, a pet brush for Fluttershy, and another box for Discord. He opened this, too, revealing another box, and another after that. He kept going until a box no larger than an ice cube was in front of him. Out of this box sprouted Pinkie Pie herself, ignoring every known law of nature, and barrelling past Discord, knocking him over yelling ‘Surprise!’, and disappeared into the distance again.
“How are we supposed to stop her!?” Twilight shrieked. “Even on normal days she can outrun Rainbow, and she’s the fastest of any of us! Besides, even if we could get close to her, we’d never be fast enough to catch her!”
A door opened on one of the houses, which Twilight recognized as belonging to Ditzy Doo.
“Look, Miss Hooves, I thank you for giving me a place to stay last night, but I really must be going,” Twilight heard Time Turner say, backing out of Ditzy’s home. “This is exactly the sort of thing I travel around to fix.”
“I told you, my name is Ditzy Doo to you, not Derpy Hooves. You haven’t earned the right to call me that yet, and this is Pi Day! Even you have limits, Doctor,” Ditzy exclaimed, trying to pull Time Turner back inside by the foreleg.
“Nonsense!” he exclaimed, pulling away and trotting off. “I’m off to save everypony,” he sniggered, “from this ‘Pi Day’ you all seem to be so frightened of. Now, can anypony explain exactly what the problem is?”
“Doctor, is that you?” Discord asked, surprised. “And… Derpy!?”
“Oh, you’re an odd looking fellow, aren’t you?” the Doctor mused, studying Discord critically. “And if you know me, then I must travel back on your timeline at some point… hmm. At least now I know I’ll survive until I encounter you at least one more time. And you’ve met Miss Hooves, as well, you say? Well then, Derpy Hooves, it seems you’re to be my new assistant! Let’s get to the TARDIS and save this planet!”
“One of these days your mad schemes and wanderlust are going to get us both killed!” Derpy exclaimed.
“Oh, I see, you’re already my assistant, aren’t you!” the Doctor said. “Do I leave you behind here often, then? Where have we been, I’ll need to make sure I take you all those places in my future so we don’t rip any holes in space-time. They’re very pretty to look at, but they have a tendency to make things not exist anymore, and we can’t have that!”
“We’ve got bigger problems than that, look out!” Ditzy exclaimed, pulling the Doctor out of the way as Pinkie barrelled down the street setting off fireworks, despite the fact that it was the middle of the day and they didn’t show up very well against the bright blue sky. A few of the sparks caught on the thatched roofing of one of the houses, but Twilight quickly extinguished the flame with her magic, leaving only a few scorch marks.
“We really need to stop her!” Twilight said desperately, turning back to the others.
“Oh, are all of you on a mission to save the town, as well?” the Doctor asked cheerfully. “Bravo! The more the merrier! To the TARDIS!” He galloped off without waiting for an answer.
“Oh, goody! He wouldn’t let me inside, last time!” Discord squeed happily, immediately flying off after the fleeing stallion.
“What the hay is a TARDIS!?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“No time to explain!” Ditzy said, beginning to run after the Doctor. “I’m sure he’ll take great pleasure in telling you all about it when we get there!”
The odd group rushed through town past the town fountain- now filled with fruit punch- and into a side alley, where a blue telephone box stood tall and proud.
“What in Ponyville is that thing?” Applejack asked.
“It’s the TARDIS!” the Doctor said jovially. “Time and relative dimension in space. It’s a time machine, and a space ship.”
“Well, it certainly doesn’t look much like a spaceship, does it?” Rarity sniffed. “Rather tacky and retro, if you ask me.”
“I can use it to catch that pink mare who keeps buzzing about everywhere!”
“Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow provided.
“Yes, yes, her,” the Doctor nodded. “Now, are you all coming with me or not?”
“Even if I believed that was a time machine, there’s no way we’d all fit in there!” Twilight protested.
“It’s bigger on the inside!” Discord said excitedly, clapping like a small child being given a new toy.
“Do we know him? He seems to know us,” the Doctor asked Ditzy, who shrugged.
“Must be in my future, too,” she said.
“Um, everypony, we’re getting a little off-track,” Fluttershy said timidly. “What about Pinkie Pie? And Ponyville?”
“Quite right,” the Doctor said. “No more time for dilly-dallying. Let’s go!” He pushed open the door and led everypony inside.
“The door says ‘pull’!” Rarity exclaimed, outraged at this affront to her dignity. “You can’t just push-”
“Oh, cut the drama,” Discord said, rolling his eyes and pulling her in to gawk at the technological marvel with the other mares, except for Ditzy, who had seen it all before and honestly flew the thing better than the Doctor ever had- it helped that she could divide her attention between two parts of the controls.
“B-but this is impossible!” Twilight gasped, spinning around where she stood and trying to take everything in at once.
“Hardly,” the Doctor scoffed. “Just very, very improbable! It’s a subtle difference, but it’s there. Now, how to do this… I suppose that, considering her speed, the best thing to do would be to speed up the TARDIS’s time stream within this one so the world around it slows down, but once we brought her into the TARDIS itself she’d join in on our timestream, and we’d have to find a way to contain her. Miss Hooves has already kindly informed me that Miss Pinkie Pie’s strange… symptoms will end at precisely 5:35 PM, correct?”
“That’s the short of it,” Applejack affirmed.
“Then once we have her in custody, it’ll be a simple matter to jump forward in time to a point where it’ll have passed!” the Doctor said cheerfully.
“You totally glossed over how exactly you plan to trap her onboard!” Ditzy accused.
“I plan,” the Doctor scoffed. “To make it up as I go, of course. It’s worked for me plenty of times before. Let’s go!” He dashed to the control panel. “Only problem is, I’m not entirely sure how to create a time bubble around the TARDIS…I’m afraid I don’t do much creative flying.”
“Or, for the love of…” Ditzy sighed, marching over. “Give me the sonic.”
“I would love to, but I haven’t been able to find it since I transformed into an equine,” the Doctor informed her.
“Have you checked your pockets?” she asked flatly.
“I have pockets!?” he exclaimed, and was pleasantly surprised to find that yes, he had pockets, and yes, the sonic was in one of them. He promptly dropped it.
“How are you supposed to hold anything with these blasted hooves!?” he complained.
“Since when do ponies have pockets?” Rainbow asked, staring at the spectacle.
“We don’t,” Twilight said, head reeling. She suddenly found herself with the strong desire to take a nap, or perhaps a long bubble bath. She wondered if this was how Spike felt after dealing with her for long periods of time.
Meanwhile, Ditzy had picked up the sonic and trotted purposefully over to the control panel. After a few minutes and a bit of clever tinkering that not even the Doctor could follow properly, she began pulling levers, pushing buttons, and twisting knobs at unbelievable speeds with both hooves.
“Doctor, get the doors back open,” she ordered. “Somepony else figure out a way to grab her without actually leaving the TARDIS- otherwise you’ll leave the time bubble, too, and the whole thing will be useless.”
“Ya got any rope?” Applejack asked.
“Sure, under the console,” Ditzy replied, quickly pulling out a length of rope and handing it to the cowpony. Applejack quickly tied a lasso and went to stand by the Doctor at the open doors of the TARDIS, which was mid-flight. Ditzy pulled down a screen and pushed a few more buttons until a blinking light directed her to where Pinkie was. She kept one eye on Pinkie’s movements- even at their slowed speed, Pinkie was moving at the speed of a brisk walk- and the other eye continued to manage the controls to the ship. “Alright, Doctor, you have thirty seconds to think of somewhere to put her, or I’m transferring the matter making up the pool and the bowling alley to make a high-powered stasis pod!”
“Not the swimming pool!” the Doctor cried. “Use the tennis courts, instead!”
“We have tennis courts!?” Ditzy asked incredulously.
“Oh, I see! After all this is over I must use the matter from the stasis pod to remake the bowling alley, but the matter from the tennis courts had to be converted to energy for that, so since you are familiar with a future version of the TARDIS, you’ve never encountered the tennis courts, because we got rid of them in this timeline!” the Doctor exclaimed. “So yes, that’s definitely what we do. We use the bowling alley and the tennis courts!”
“Ugh, fine!” Ditzy exclaimed, rolling her eyes. she slammed her hooves on a few more buttons and the entire ship rumbled for a few seconds before a new door appeared on the back wall. “Once we get her on board, we just need to get her in there and turn the pod on, and it’ll keep her motionless until we can land in the future!”
“Ya sure about that, Sugarcube?” Applejack asked skeptically.
“Yes,” Ditzy promised.
“It’s gonna take both of us to get her to the pod, though,” Rainbow said, nudging Applejack in the side. “That mare is deceptively strong.”
“Or we could just bribe her with cake,” Twilight suggested.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” the Doctor scoffed. “We haven’t got time to bake a cake! Besides, the TARDIS’s kitchen is in shambles, I take horrible care of it.”
“We’re in a time machine!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Can’t we just go back in time and clean your kitchen or whatever and start baking a cake so it’s done right now!?”
“First of all, it’s extremely dangerous to cross your own time stream! It’s a paradox, and the TARDIS wouldn’t be able to sustain it. Besides, time inside the TARDIS is continuous, you can’t just go back in the TARDIS’s timeline! You’d need another TARDIS specifically bred to be a symbiote to this one to even consider it!”
“Don’t you mean ‘engineered’?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, no, it’s a living thing,” the Doctor assured.
“Well, um, Discord could summon a cake,” Fluttershy suggested. “He makes food out of thin air all the time.”
“Hey, yeah!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She glanced around and froze. “Wait a second. Uh, guys… where’s Discord?”
“Aw, horseapples,” Applejack swore. “What trouble is he gettin’ in, now!?”
“We don’t have time to worry about it, we’re almost on top of her!” Ditzy called. “You’ll just have to wrestle her into the stasis pod!”
“Oh joy,” Rainbow muttered sarcastically. Pinkie suddenly came into view outside the TARDIS’s open doors, and Applejack wasted no time tossing the lasso around Pinkie’s neck and pulling her into the TARDIS, whereupon she immediately began vibrating so fast that the rope started smoking from the friction. Rainbow and Applejack both grabbed and and tugged her towards the stasis pod. Twilight assisted a bit with her magic, and the Doctor shut the doors and locked them so Pinkie couldn’t get out, even if she somehow managed to get free from her captors. Rarity held the stasis pod door as they shoved Pinkie inside, then slammed it immediately, at which point Fluttershy turned it on. Everypony breathed a sigh of relief.
“Now we should really find Discord,” Applejack suggested. “I doubt the fact that he’s disappeared can mean anything good.”
“I would suggest we split up to cover more ground,” the Doctor piped in. “In pairs?”
“Oh, but there’s an odd number of us,” Fluttershy pointed out. “So I’ll stay here in case he decides to come back!”
“Very well. Miss Hooves, you’re with me,” the Doctor declared, and trotted off down a side corridor, Ditzy close on his tail.
“You and me Rarity?” Applejack suggested. “That we we’ve each got a fighter and a unicorn.”
“It’s as good a plan as any,” Rarity agreed. As did the other two, so the four of them also went their separate ways.
“Finally!” Discord exclaimed, popping out of nowhere right behind Fluttershy and making her jump. “I thought they’d never leave. Now, how exactly does this thing work?” He approached the console and looked it over with an intrigued and critical eye. “I suppose I won’t find out much by looking at the outside, will I?”
“Discord, what are you-”
“Ah, well, I’m sure Derpy can fix whatever damage I cause!” Discord said cheerfully, and summoned a toolkit.
“Discord, you can’t!” Fluttershy said, aghast. “It’s not yours, and besides, what if you break it irreparably!?”
“Oh, pish posh, Fluttershy,” Discord said dismissively. “I do hope you’ll forgive me for this, my dear, but I simply can’t have you standing in my way. This is for science!” With a snap, Fluttershy was teleported into the stasis chamber with Pinkie.
The others were alerted to the fact that something was wrong when the lights throughout the ship turned purple and the doors became ornately carved wooden ones.
“Discord!” Applejack growled.
“Oh goodness me, what’s he done this time?” Rarity sighed, shaking her head.
All three groups ran back to the central control room, only to be met by a most horrifying sight; not only had Discord been tampering with the central control panel in an attempt to understand how it worked, but in doing so he’d turned all the doors to wood- including the one to the stasis chamber. This had disrupted the circuit, allowing both mares inside to free themselves.
The control room now looked like Godzilla had eaten 300 6-year-olds’ birthday parties and then projectile vomited all over the TARDIS’s insides. Fluttershy was fruitlessly trying to get Pinkie Pie to settle down while Discord merely sat back and watched the chaos with amusement.
“What have you done!?” the Doctor screeched, running into the room.
“Well, I was trying to figure out how this lovely contraption of yours worked, but I must’ve pressed the wrong button, because, as you can see, Pinkie’s escaped. Luckily, the front doors have held, so she’s still stuck in here for now,” Discord said. “Don’t know what this means for the plan, though.”
“Discord, you good-for-nothing-son-of-a-timberwolf!” Applejack yelled.
“Well, that was uncalled for,” Discord sniffed, pretending to be hurt. “I’ll have you know there isn’t any timberwolf in my family for at least four generations!” Pinkie started running around in circles to use some of her energy, which, at the speed she was going, was creating quite a breeze.
“Our only hope is to land ourselves in the future!” Ditzy called over all the commotion. “Somepony distract Pinkie while I fix whatever damage Discord’s done to the machinery and get us where we need to go!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rainbow Dash saluted, having found a great deal of newfound respect for the mare, who was very different from the clumsy mailpony she was used to. “Hey, Pinkie! Let’s play tag! I’m it! Go!” Pinkie gasped loudly and sped off down a corridor. “I’ve bought you at least ten minutes. Make it work!” Rainbow begged, and flew off at nigh-sonic speeds after the pink earth pony.
“Discord, get out,” Ditzy ordered. “You’ve caused enough trouble today. I need you to be anywhere but in the control room. Girls, follow him and make sure he behaves and doesn’t mess anything else up.” Discord followed her orders reluctantly, and the girls trotted after him. “Doctor, could you give me a hoof clearing some of these streamers out of the way so I can get a better look at what he did to her?”
“Why of course Miss Hooves,” the Doctor said with a bow, and got to work as she did the same.
Luckily for everypony involved, Discord hadn’t had enough time with the controls to cause any permanent damage, and the thirteen minutes that Dash ended up succeeding in keeping Pinkie Pie out of the picture was just long enough to suit their purposes. After double-checking that everything was in its proper place, Ditzy ducked out from under the dash and quickly input the time and coordinates that had been their original intention: the alleyway, at 5:35:01 PM, March 3, 2015. Ditzy hit the switch just as Pinkie reentered the control room and started bouncing around again. Panicking enough that she wasn’t in the presence of mind to land properly, the whole cabin thudded violently as the TARDIS dropped nearly a foot from its materialization point to the ground.
“It almost felt like I was the one driving for a second there!” the Doctor said breathlessly, standing up after the impact and brushing himself off. Pinkie, now firmly established in non-Pie-Curse-compliant time, flopped exhaustedly to the ground and fell asleep almost immediately, all excess energy leaving her. As usual, when she awoke the next day, she would remember next to none of the experiences of the day. The other six showed up a few minutes later, Twilight with a bit of a limp from the jolt of landing.
“Is it over?” Rainbow asked, uncharacteristically tiredly.
“It’s over,” Ditzy confirmed. “For another year, at least.”
“At least it won’t be as bad next year,” Fluttershy submitted. “Less pi digits to worry about.”
“Thank Celestia for small mercies,” Rarity sighed. “Although I suppose now we have all of Ponyville to clean up.”
“Better to clean up than to rebuild,” Applejack chuckled. “Come on, let’s get Pinkie here back to Sugarcube Corner. I’m sure the Cakes’ll be worried. And I think we can all agree that nopony else has to know where we’ve been all day.”
“Agreed,” everypony else chorused. Applejack hoisted the unconscious pink mare over her back, tipped her hat to the Doctor, and led the procession out the door. Discord took up the rear, casting one last longing look over his shoulder into the TARDIS.
“Discord!” Fluttershy warned, her voice surprisingly intimidating considering the source.
“Coming, dear,” he huffed, leaving the beautiful machine behind.
“So I suppose this is goodbye then, Miss Hooves?” the Doctor asked the final pony left in his ship. “Until next time?”
“I’m not going anywhere until you’ve earned the right to call me Miss Hooves,” Ditzy declared with a grin. “Let’s go somewhere exciting!”
“As the lady wishes,” the Doctor agreed with a grin, and in a whoosh, the TARDIS carried them off on the first of many adventures for the Doctor, and one in the middle of a long line of them for Ditzy.
“So, Twi, how’d ya like yer first official experience with Pi Day?” Applejack chuckled as she handed Pinkie off to a fretting Mrs. Cake, who was smart enough not to ask questions about what the mares had been through that day.
“Is it always like this?” Twilight moaned, nursing a headache. Spike, who’d been waiting at Sugarcube Corner the entire time they’d been gone, brought her a glass of ice water to help.
“Nah,” Rainbow assured. “Sometimes it’s worse.”
The girls all let out giggles, which eventually devolved into relieved laughs- relieved that the day was over.
“I daresay there’s no such thing as a normal day in this town,” Rarity commented. “I suppose for now I should be getting back to the boutique. Sweetie Belle is probably worried sick.”
“Yeah. I’ve gotta get back to the farm and tell everypony the coast’s clear,” Applejack added.
“And I think I’ve got a very interesting letter to write to the princess,” Twilight finished. The mares all shared a grin and went their separate ways, Discord tailing Fluttershy home and pestering her in hopes that he could annoy her into forgiving him for trying to freeze her in the stasis pod.
When she and Spike finally entered the library, Twilight cleared her throat.
“Spike, could you please take a letter?” she requested.
“Of course!” he replied enthusiastically.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned the importance of remembering old lessons. As I’ve learned before with regards to the Pinkie Sense, just because something is hard to believe doesn't mean it’s not true, and in Pinkie Pie’s case it is often evidence of the opposite. As Applejack says, “‘there’s no way’ and ‘Pinkie Pie’ don’t ever belong together in the same thought”. It’s important to always trust that your friends will be there for you, just like it’s important to always be there for your friends, especially when they’re being crazy.ier than usual. It’s also worthwhile to note that many ponies have more complex personalities and life stories than your first impression of them may suggest- it’s always worth it to get to know the real pony, because you might learn some amazing things along the way.
Your Fellow Princess, Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Happy (Pinkie) Pi(e) Day!
