Fluttershy set down her teacup on Rarity’s kitchen table. “Hic,” she said, demurely.
Conversation ground to a halt and her five friends stared at her. Waiting.
“Hic,” she said again.
Rarity cleared her throat. “Ah, Fluttershy, dear?”
“Ye—hic?”
“Do you have the hiccups?”
“No, I’m fi—hic.”
Rarity turned her teacup around in her hooves. She met Twilight’s eyes. “Fluttershy has the hiccups.”
“Hic,” Fluttershy said.
Twilight nodded. “Yes, she does. It’s alright, I know what to do. Fluttershy?”
“Hic.”
“Hold your breath and count to a hundred. That’s a surefire way to get rid of the hiccups.”
Fluttershy nodded, and sucked in a deep breath. Her cheeks swelled, and she began tapping her hoof on the table, counting. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Twilight smiled, and it grew more satisfied with each tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap tap. Tap taptap. Taptaptaptaptap— The breath exploded from Fluttershy and she gasped and panted. Twilight stared at her expectantly, and everypony else looked on curiously. “Hic,” Fluttershy said.
Twilight rapped a hoof on the table in frustration. “Ponyfeathers!”
Rainbow Dash snorted at Twilight. “That’s not how you cure the hiccups! I’ll show you the right way to do it!” She slid a hoof across the table and smiled sweetly at Fluttershy. “Give me your hoof.”
Fluttershy glanced around the table at her other friends, then leaned back in her chair and slid her hoof toward Dash.
Dash patted Fluttershy’s hoof. “The trick is to relax, see? Just think about, I dunno, sleeping bunnies, or whatever. And then breathe in . . . and breathe out . . .”
Fluttershy followed her instructions and her shoulders drifted downwards as she relaxed.
“Keep imagining the bunnies. They’re all, like, little and . . . fuzzy, I guess? And you’re so relaxed and AAHH IT’S A DRAGON IT’S GONNA EAT YOU!”
Fluttershy screamed, a high-pitched wail of terror. “Aaaaaahh—hic! Hic! Hic!”
Dash let go of her hoof and folded her arms with a pout. “Aw man, how did that not work? That always works!”
Fluttershy’s panic was subsiding. “Hic! . . . Hic! . . . Hic.”
Applejack poked Rainbow Dash in the shoulder. “Shame on you, Rainbow. That was mean, and wrongheaded to boot. Granny Smith taught me the right way to cure hiccups. This is an old family remedy, handed down through the Apple family for generation after generation. It never fails.”
Fluttershy sniffled and wiped her eyes, then turned a pleading look on Applejack. “Hic,” she said.
“Don’t you worry none, Sugarcube, we’re gonna get you fixed right up, you just wait and see. Get on up out of that chair.” She hopped out of her own chair and stood next to Fluttershy’s place.
Fluttershy climbed down from her chair. Applejack smiled encouragingly at her and nodded.
“Alright, it’s real simple. All you gotta do is turn around three times, then stamp your hooves on the ground—front then back, that’s important—and then put salt on your tail.” Applejack stretched her neck to grab the salt shaker in her teeth, and deposited it on the edge of the table in front of Fluttershy. She backed a step away and nodded at her. “Alright, hon’, get to it.”
“Hic,” Fluttershy said, then frowned in concentration. She turned around once, twice, three times, then staggered dizzily. She shook her head, recovered, and stamped her front hooves, then her rear hooves. She sat on her haunches and flicked her tail forward so it spread on the floor next to her. She took the shaker in her teeth and sprinkled salt on her tail, then set the shaker back on the table.
Everypony stared at her expectantly.
Fluttershy looked at her tail, then at Applejack. “Did it wor—hic?”
Applejack pushed her hat back, confusion on her face. “Well, shucks, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen the family remedy not work. Maybe you gotta turn around the other way?”
“Hic,” Fluttershy said.
Rarity’s voice cut across Applejack’s musing. “Pardon, darling, but I believe I have the solution for our dear little Fluttershy’s ailment.”
Fluttershy whimpered. “Hic,” she said.
Rarity nodded at Fluttershy. “Yes, quite. The remedy is simplicity itself; you have only to drink upside-down, and your hiccups will be gone in a flash.”
“I’ll try—hic—anything.” Fluttershy squeezed her eyes shut and beat her wings, slowly lifting off the ground, then rotated in midair until her head was pointing at the floor. Rarity levitated Fluttershy’s teacup to her waiting hooves. She held the cup to her muzzle and drank, accompanied by loud slurping and more than a little spillage.
Rarity’s eyes followed the splashes of tea to the floor, and she winced slightly as each one struck. She pasted on a broad smile and unclenched her teeth enough to speak. “There, that wasn’t so bad, now was it, darling? And, of course, it was completely effec—”
“Hic,” Fluttershy said, then blushed. “I’m sor—hic—sorry, Rarity.” She righted herself and drifted to the floor.
A wet smacking sound drew everypony’s attention to Pinkie sucking cookie crumbs off her hoof. She froze, and swiveled her eyes to return their collective surprised stare. She slowly lowered her hoof to rest on the tablecloth. She blinked. They blinked back. She directed her attention to Fluttershy. “So, hiccups, huh?”
Fluttershy drew her head back with a confused wince. “Ye—hic—yes, um, thank—hic—thank you for noticing. I’m sor—sorry if I’ve been bothering you.”
“Hiccups! Pssh! Hiccups are easy!” Pinkie made a tossing-away motion. “Just give ‘em to somepony else.” She pulled the cookie tray closer and leaned back in her chair with a satisfied look.
Everypony glanced at each other, then returned to staring at Pinkie.
“Um,” Applejack ventured, “I don’t think it works like that.”
Twilight pointed at Applejack and nodded. “Yes, exactly. Hiccups aren’t a disease, and they’re not communicable. You can’t just ‘give them to somepony else.’”
Dash snorted. “Seriously, Pinkie, even I know that much! Who would think something . . . like . . . um.” She drew back from Fluttershy. “Why are you staring at me like that? Is there something in my teeth?”
Fluttershy was indeed staring at her, brows drawn down in an angry squint. “Hic,” she said, fiercely.
Twilight cocked her head at Fluttershy. “Wait, you’re not really trying to give her your hiccups, are you?”
Rarity placed a gentle hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Darling, you do know that it won’t work, don’t you?”
Fluttershy shrugged off Rarity’s hoof and stared harder, straining with the effort.
“Attagirl, just like that,” Pinkie said, spraying cookie crumbs over the table.
Dash’s eyes flicked to Twilight’s face, then Rarity’s, then back to Fluttershy. She took a step back. “It’s not going to work, Fluttershy. You heard Twilight, hiccups aren’t communication!”
“Communicable,” Twilight muttered.
Dash continued backing up. “Yeah, that. Anyway, you can’t give me your hiccups, so just stop looking at me like that. Okay?”
Fluttershy stood up, stare still locked on Dash, and took a step toward her. “You scared me! You told me there was a dragon. A dragon!”
Applejack raised a hoof. “Sugarcube?”
Fluttershy stalked Dash across the kitchen. “That’s so mean! You know I’m scared of dragons! How could you? Why would you?”
Applejack cleared her throat. “Fluttershy? Hon’?”
Fluttershy turned her stare on Applejack. “What do you want?”
Applejack flinched, but pressed on. “You’re not hiccuping anymore.”
Fluttershy paused, her frown evaporating like smoke. Everypony waited with bated breath. A long moment passed. Fluttershy smiled. “You’re right. Oh, I’m so happy.” Her hoof flew to her mouth. “Oh my. Rainbow Dash, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” She rushed to Dash and flung her arms around her neck. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Dash had regained her composure, and gave a fairly convincing smile as she patted Fluttershy’s back. “Sure, no big deal, water under the bridge, right?”
Pinkie cocked her head at Fluttershy. “But where did the hiccups wind up?”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Pinkie, I already told you, that’s not how hiccups work.”
“Hic,” said Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie tossed a cookie into her mouth and smiled. Everypony else stared at Dash.
Dash growled and dragged a hoof down her face. “Oh, for the love of—hic!”
This fic was inspired* by the hiccup scene in Azumanga Daioh.
*Read: cribbed directly from.
